Shattered Dreams
by merder4lifetime
Summary: Begins with events on episode 4.11 and its immediate aftermath. Definitely Mer/Der as they work through this latest break up and ultimately make their way to a healthy, nurturing, committed relationship.
1. Chapter 1

_**Shattered Dreams **_

Not sure what disclaimers are needed, but obviously I don't own Grey's or any of its characters, because, if I did, I would not be thinking of writing this.

After horrible season 3 finale, thankfully found fics to be great form of entertainment, and where Grey's didn't live up to expectations, many of these exceeded what we hoped for Mer/Der. After Shonda asked that we leap, we did; only to find ourselves at 4.11 with Meredith & Derek again broken. This is my first attempt at this, don't worry about being kind. If it's really bad… please feel free to tell me. POV likely will be all over the place, as I tend to talk that way as well !

This begins with 4.11 hospital scene as Broken played in the background.

_Broken by Lifehouse_

_The broken clock is a comfort, it helps me sleep tonight_

_Maybe it can stop tomorrow from stealing all my time_

_I am here still waiting though I still have my doubts_

_I am damaged at best, like you've already figured out_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain there is healing_

_In your name I find meaning_

_So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on_

_I'm barely holdin' on to you_

_The broken locks were a warning you got inside my head_

_I tried my best to be guarded, I'm an open book instead_

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes_

_That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_with a broken heart that's still beating_

_In the pain is the healing_

_In your name I find meaning_

_So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on_

_I'm barely holdin' on to you_

_I'm hangin' on another day_

_Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hanging on to the words you say_

_You said that I will be ok_

_The broken lights on the freeway left me here alone_

_I may have lost my way now, haven't forgotten my way home_

_**Chapter 1 - Shattered Dreams **_

Ten surgeons watched the healing scene unfolding in utter silence, each it might be said, with hope and faith in their hearts that the precious child would survive. All were surrounded by individual reflections. It could also be said that two of them were being simultaneously subjected to the screaming agony of despair.

Meredith stared into the distance. Derek watched visibly holding back his emotions.

He often experienced feelings of what was to come, and this was one of those moments, except immensely more profound, because as he continued to watch her, he had the deep rooted knowledge that she had retreated to a place he cannot reach.

Feelings couldn't match the bitter cold reality that he had made the biggest mistake of his life. One that would likely alter the course of his life, his dreams, his hopes. All shattered, he knew now without a doubt, as he had shattered hers.

He'd asked for a lifetime. He wanted to marry her, have kids with her, build a house, settle down and grow old with her, and she wasn't ready. But, she'd promised, she'd get ready. Minutes earlier today, with just five words, he had destroyed the small attempts and fragile progress she had been making, just as she had promised.

_A/N- My interpretation of what they were feeling in these scenes while incorporating things that have already happened and undoubtedly affected the course of their relationship. _

Meredith stared into the distance. Without even looking at him, she could feel his eyes on her; willing her, almost, begging her to look his way, to acknowledge his presence. But with each second that passed she attempted, unsuccessfully, to retreat deeper into the numbing sensation of avoidance.

Conflicting emotions filled her thoughts, unable to dismiss the images and words that refused to be silenced.

"I can't do it anymore." Derek had uttered those five words, and her world came crashing down.

"Well neither can I," she replied and walked away, effectively putting into practice what she's always done best. Avoidance.

Unwilling and unable to consider looking at him, she stood a few feet away from Derek, too proud to let him see how deeply he'd hurt her. Her heart had ached, literally ached the moment he uttered those words. Immediately, she felt as though her heart had shattered into a tiny million pieces and if she were to look at him now, she wouldn't be able to avoid remembering the determination in his eyes, the defeated expression reflected in the knowledge that he was done.

The emotional distance between them was like an ocean, wave upon wave of emotions rolling in and increasing the rift within their hearts. If either had been asked what they were feeling, it was unlikely they would be able to utter a single word without breaking down. But, it was clearly evident they were barely able to breathe, both about to reach their breaking point and fall apart.

With a few words they had already managed to shatter dreams and hopes, while giving rise to fear. The fear of loosing each other, of having failed, and this was clearly and regrettably guiding the next steps in their relationship.

Their past, its symbolism, was surely to play a role in their lives in the hours and days ahead. But, at this precise moment in time, both could likely look back to the defining moment of their first break up, when Derek chose his wife, and say they felt a train wreck was heading their way and neither of their hearts would survive, because this time, it seemed that love was not enough.

Meredith and Derek waited, silently hoping against all reason that the other would reach out, but neither was capable of bridging the distance.

Meredith retreated further within as thoughts of their failed relationship and the last twenty four hours refused to be silenced, in fact screamed to be revisited.

Yesterday had started with the realization that she did not want Derek dating other people and she was determined to tell him, and felt good about it. Early morning sex in the on- call room had seemingly started the day on the right track, and she was going to tell him, except she waited, and before she knew it was faced with hours long of agonizing medical drama. Yesterday had been a horrible day, and then Derek had kissed Rose.

Today, she had asked him when he had kissed her, and he had dismissed it as unimportant. She knew it was not, and she was devastated.

"You can't trust anybody." Derek had accused while they argued. He was wrong, she trusted him, even if she did not verbalize it. She had trusted him.

Yesterday, in the early morning hours, they'd had sex in the on – call room, and she'd almost told him, but she waited, and now she knew the price she paid. He'd been tender and caring, and with a simple touch, running his hands through her hair as they parted ways, had made her feel safe in the knowledge he loved her.

Last night she had told him she didn't want him to date anyone else; that she was scared as hell to want him, but she did not want to lose him. He had wanted to say something, and she had stopped him; thinking it was wise to give him time to think about what she had said and not rush him, though she believed that was what he wanted.

Thinking about him kissing the nurse not only hurt, but made her angry, that he could even consider kissing someone else after he'd made love to her that morning.

She had trusted him. She had told him she would get ready, and she knew it was not as quickly as he wanted, but she was trying, he knew she was trying. Instead, he was giving up on them. He was giving up on her.

Devastatingly painful thoughts and emotions continued their refusal to be silenced. Hurt and anger led to disappointment and as in so many other times in her life; the feeling of abandonment once again.

They had called each other's bluff and the consequences took a life of their own, especially the hopelessness of Meredith's thoughts. Derek gave up on her after he had promised that he would always be there. Even if they fought and yelled, he would always be there. But now, he had broken his promise, just as she had known he would.

She had trusted him; believed him.

He broke his promise. He gave up. He left her. He chose someone else, again.

He'd promised he's always be there, but she should have been honest with herself. She was Meredith Grey, and people didn't stick around.

Meredith Grey was used to people giving up on her, or more precisely giving her up.

Thatcher had walked away when she was five. Ellis had never wanted her, and she knew it growing up, and then when she might have decided to sugar coat her childhood and pretend her mother had loved her, Ellis had shattered that picture, and in her ramblings about Richard, let Meredith know how much she regretted having a child. Then, to make sure Meredith would never forget, the one day she had been lucid, she had told her what a disappointment she was, how ordinary she had become.

Derek walking away should not be a surprise. But, it was. He had promised to be there, and she had needed to believe him. She had placed her trust in him, in spite of the times in the last year when he had broken his promise, when he had chosen not to be there for her. But, she had made excuses that it wasn't all entirely his fault, since she knew that she had not made things easy.

Though she felt like she was ready to fall apart, she tried to rationalize his actions to keep herself sane. He only did what everyone else had done in her life. What everyone that was supposed to love her had always done, they left her. She really should have known better, she had never been good enough for any of them. She'd always been a disappointment.

Meredith continued to stare into the distance. Yesterday had ended with hope of a future with Derek.

Today was turning out to be the worst day of her life. She loved Derek, she trusted him, he made her feel safe, but she had not told him and now it was too late.

Today was a horrible day. She had trusted him. She had let her guard down and believed that he could love someone like her. But, today, he too had found her lacking and walked away.

The minutes ticked by as if in slow motion while they waited for the healing of Bailey's son. But, it was not just Tuck that needed healing; to a keen observant, it would have been evident that all who were waiting needed to be emotionally healed as well. Each had a major stake in the ability to still believe that faith and love might indeed heal all wounds.


	2. Chapter 2

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life _

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
with a broken heart that's still beating_

_**Chapter 2 – Rejection **_

Derek longed to reach out and hold her. He wanted to rush to her and beg her to talk to him, but there was no stopping her impending retreat as he watched telltale signs of her defense mechanisms systematically begin to shut down; raising the invisible walls of avoidance, and shutting him out completely.

"I can't do it anymore." He'd thrown down the gauntlet.

"Well neither can I." She'd walked away, indifferent to his unspoken challenge.

Hours had passed since their earlier argument, and now she stood there without revealing a single emotion while he was falling apart.

An overwhelming sadness replaced the excitement and anticipation he'd felt when he decided to move forward, and showed her the plans for their house. But, in typical Meredith style, she'd wanted to wait, continuing the dance of avoidance.

Longing to hold her was his first reaction, followed by anger and resentment. However, if he was honest with himself, guilt was hanging over him, like low laying clouds racing forward, becoming darker and with each small gust of wind ready to release a most unexpected downpour of misery.

Derek had to find someone to blame, someone to be responsible for the empty feeling in the pit of his stomach, the overwhelming loneliness at the thought of being alone, and it was much easier to blame her and overlook the fact that he was partially responsible for their situation. He thought about all that made her responsible for this latest break-up, and allowed his misplaced anger to fester.

Months before, the day of Cristina's wedding, he'd told her he loved her, that she was the love of his life, and she had walked away from him, ripping his heart to pieces; then, literally ended their relationship in front of hundreds of guests by stating, "it was over."

He'd been willing to make allowances for all the various issues she refused to address, and when she came back seventeen days later, he settled for a relationship that was a mockery to the love he felt for her. He couldn't let her go, in many ways he was addicted to her and being with her was better than being without her. Now, sex and mockery, as she coined their 'relationship', was wearing thin.

He'd told her he wanted to marry her, to spend a lifetime together, but she would not let him in, wouldn't let him take care of her. He'd done everything he could to accommodate her emotional shortcomings, and she'd done nothing to change things. Even as he formulated this thought, he knew he was being unfair. He knew she had been trying, even attempting a 'sisterly' thing and cooking for Lexie that morning. But, he couldn't let those thoughts intrude, it was easier to concentrate on everything he could blame her for, because that way, it was easier to disregard Mark's earlier taunt, "it was more than a kiss."

She was responsible for him turning to Rose, for being tempted to kiss her. Meredith was using him for sex and mockery, and if she had been willing to commit to a relationship, there would never be a reason for him to consider kissing or dating anyone else.

He fed the negativity, concentrating on everything he perceived she had done wrong and how she'd failed him, but each thought accentuated the guilt, because for each of those, he could think of all the small steps she had been taking since she had promised she would get ready.

"I don't want you to date other people. It may not be enough for you, but I'm trying here." He'd noticed how she'd quickly swallowed in an attempt to hide her nervousness. "So, I don't want you to date anybody but me. That's it." She'd taken a deep nervous breath before continuing with a slight smile. "Except, I'm scared as hell to want you. But here I am, wanting you anyway. And, fear means I have something to lose, and I don't want to lose you."

Guilt was threatening to overpower the need to blame her. She'd surprised him last night, and he knew it was a tremendous step in her attempts to get ready to be in a committed relationship with him.

The minutes seemed like hours as he continued to recall some of what they'd said during their argument. She had taken him by surprise earlier when she asked who Rose was and with anger in her voice demanded to know when he had kissed her.

He'd felt cornered and with a sharp intake of breath answered dismissively. "Yesterday."

"So, yesterday you're making out with scrub nurses and today you're building our dream house," she smirked and said sarcastically.

"You don't want to build a life with me. You want someone that wants the same things that you want."

She'd hit a nerve and he resented that she had called him on this, and reacting defensively tried to put the blame on her. He accused her of finding excuses to walk away.

"I was in love with you. You didn't tell me about you were married. You didn't tell me about your nurse. You want to know why I'm not ready to build a house with you, this is why, it's because I cannot trust you," she'd shouted at him.

"You can't trust anybody." Meredith had looked shocked at his statement, acknowledging the inevitable realization her world was spiraling out of control.

"No matter what I do, you're always going to look for reasons not to trust me." He'd snapped back, his voice lower, hoarser, filled with emotion and the undeniable sense of foreboding.

They were looking intently at one another, their eyes shining with unshed tears as each uttered words filled with anguish, and brought them closer to the point of no return.

"I can't do it anymore."

"Well, neither can I," she'd agreed, and walked away leaving him to deal with the aftermath and misfortunes of a kiss.

Derek tried to make sense of the last 24 hours, as the silent group of surgeons continued their vigil as they witnessed a healing of faith.

Morning began with hope for a future with Meredith. He'd shown her the house plans, and though she had dropped an egg when he'd said it was her house too, she'd flirted with him about taking fun and sexy steps towards building their dream house.

As evening approached, they stood watch over the son of one of their own, hoping the baby would fully recover, but the hope of a future with Meredith had been destroyed.

He watched her and began to recall some of the times he had failed her, and his anger and resentment slowly ebbed. He'd promised he'd always show up, and he hadn't. Her cool distant demeanor was a façade he recognized well, and his heart began to melt away the pain.

The day he'd basically proposed to her, he'd told her he realized she was still an intern, that he understood and he would wait for her to get ready. He'd seen the small progress she was making in her efforts to get ready; laying her mother to rest, attempting to accept her sister, the small unexpected intimacies she'd allow herself when laying in his bed after they made love, the bravery in finding him last night and admitting she did not want to lose him. Instead of embracing her efforts, he'd pressured her with house plans, and had hugely undermined their relationship by kissing a nurse.

He knew Meredith Grey better than anyone else, and as he watched her, in spite of the walls now firmly in place, he could feel the heartbreak emanating from her, and he knew she was as broken as he was, she too was falling apart.

Derek moved towards her and as he stood beside her could smell the lavender scent he loved, and was so uniquely hers.

"Meredith, we should talk," he whispered so only she could hear. Immediately he felt her recoil at his nearness and without hesitation, as if repelled by him, walked away.

Something in him snapped. He was tired of her walking away, her continuous avoidance, her refusal to trust him and accept the fact that he loved her. Most of all he was tired of her rejecting him. Damn it all to hell, if she didn't want him, someone else did.

Derek allowed perceived rejection and anger to rule his emotions, and asked Rose out to dinner, setting the course for the train wreckage that would alter his life.

_A/ N -Not sure how I feel about this update, but gets me to the next scenes & some actual new Mer/Der dialogue._


	3. Chapter 3

_Chapter 3 _

Meredith had felt his presence, his scent, before he whispered, "we should talk," and all she wanted was to lean back into his embrace, have him hold her and tell her he loved her, that he wasn't letting her go, that he wasn't giving up on her, on them. Instead, conditioned to years of abandonment and feelings of rejection she reacted instinctively, and before she knew it was walking away.

A gentle touch and softly spoken words hung suspended in mid air, as both their hearts longed to whisper, "I'm sorry. I love you."

Oblivious to the other's feelings, the harsh reality and pain of what they were loosing overrode their actions, each retreated behind their own silent agony. Doubts, fears and anger overshadowed every other emotion, preventing the deep love they undoubtedly shared for one another to heal their broken spirit.

Derek masked his emotions until the healing ritual ended and brought hope that the child was indeed recuperating. Then, he too turned and walked away without allowing himself any thoughts of Meredith Grey or accepting any responsibility that this time, he had pushed her away, without regard to her feelings or the consequences that in her mind, he had chosen someone else.

Meredith had been assigned to keep an eye on Bailey and went to check on Tuck. Miranda Bailey was deep in thought watching over the sleeping child as Meredith approached the crib. The "Nazi," a name she no longer permitted to be used, in a moment of vulnerability shared with Meredith that her husband would be looking to stay at a hotel, and Meredith could feel the sadness in the admission that her marriage had failed.

"For some reason life seems to make more sense when you're looking at a baby," Miranda had stated, and as Meredith looked down at the sleeping baby, she felt an inexplicable flutter in her heart, evoking a recent memory, that brought tears to her eyes and without truly understanding why, felt a tiny seed of hope begin to blossom.

Meredith in the few moments that followed found herself lost in the comfort of being in Derek's arms as weeks before, unlike their usual quick and frequent lovemaking in the hospital, they had allowed themselves the luxury of laying in each others arms in an on call room in the middle of the afternoon. She had been feeling exceptionally vulnerable that day, and when they had found time for more than a few minutes, had been secretly delighted she could be in his arms, savoring the unequaled pleasure of feeling safe and loved, something only he had ever been able evoke.

"Meredith," Miranda had said, snapping her out of her reverie. "It's been a long day, Tuck's going to be fine. Why don't you go home and spend some time with Derek, it's been a tough day for all of us."

Meredith felt as though she'd been slapped back to reality, and unable to face the truth of their breakup, offered to stay instead.

"Dr. Bailey, you're going to need to get some rest, I'll stay with Tuck a couple of hours so you can do that, and then I'll go home."

Unaware of the pain her words caused, and in untypical Miranda Bailey behavior, she continued, "Grey, go find your Mcdreamy, and while you're at it, thank him for me, for his support today, it meant a lot to me."

Miranda insisted she was not going to leave her baby and forced her to leave, unaware of the deep sadness and turmoil of emotions her intern, as she still fondly thought of them, was currently battling as she slowly made her way out of the unit.

Meredith wanted to run and hide, preferably with a bottle of tequila to keep her company and counsel her misery. But, as she made her way to the locker room, her thoughts kept drifting back to the afternoon of lovemaking, and instead of heading there, made her way to the nursery and found comfort looking at the lovely picture of innocence reflected in each newborn. These were probably their happiest most trouble free hours, before they had to face the harshness life often and unfairly dealt to these innocent bystanders. She knew all about that, her mother had never wanted her and her father had walked away abandoning her.

She didn't know what had led her to the nursery, but it felt like the decision had been made for her, a gentle prodding guiding her in that direction, and as she watched the babies, her thoughts were immediately of Derek, of what they had shared, of what they were loosing.

She was angry with Derek for all that had happened today, the heated words and accusations exchanged, above all she was hurt beyond what she thought possible. Only someone you love had the power to hurt you so deeply, and she couldn't hide from the reality was that she loved him, even though she had not told him in words since he had chosen Addison. She recalled with mortification having asked him to pick her, choose her, love her and how she had felt when he'd told her "she's my wife." That moment, she had felt like her life was ending, and she nursed herself back to a semblance of normalcy keeping company with "Jose" and a series of inappropriate men.

Now, as she experienced this latest heartbreak, she thought back to the last year, to the insurmountable circumstances she had faced and survived. For the first time in her life, Meredith knew, without a single second of doubt, that her life had reached the infamous fork in the road.

There were no more excuses to make, the Mommy, Daddy, abandonment and so many other issues were facts she could not erase. She had allowed her past to dictate her actions for so long, she didn't know any other behavior. But now, as she stood to loose the one relationship, the one man, the one love she had never expected, she knew she had to take control of her life, what road she chose to take was entirely up to her. She could no longer allow her past to determine her future. There was to much at stake, and she wasn't going to allow herself to slip back into the old familiar pattern of avoidance.

Derek loved her. He had told her in so many ways, but he had also said things and then failed to live up to his promises. He'd told her he'd always show up, and he'd broken that promise several times. Yet, they always seemed to find their way back to each other.

She had faced death, and come back. He had saved her. She had come back for him.

The last twenty-four hours had made her realize the depth of her feelings for him.

She was scared, petrified at how this would turn out. She had put herself on the line again, and told him she wanted him to date her only, that she wanted him. Maybe it was too little to late, but she needed to believe he did love her, and that was worth fighting for, that was worth taking a risk, even if the price was loosing, because if they found a way back to each other, she had no doubt it would be for a lifetime, that lifetime he had offered.

She had told him she wasn't ready, but that she'd get ready, and she had been trying.

She was annoyed he had not noticed all the steps she had been taking, and instead brought her house plans. She smiled slightly, it was a beautiful house.

There was a lot more at stake right now than remaining angry at him. He had kissed another woman, and she had known that was a possibility after he dated Sydney. Again she allowed herself a smile, thinking of Sydney, and how she'd told Derek he didn't bring enough to the table. She didn't worry about Sydney, but had known that she'd have to worry about the one after her. Well, the time to worry was now, and she was not going to allow anyone, especially a nurse, to take away what she had in her own small ways been getting ready to enjoy, a lifetime with Derek.

She didn't know how long she stood there, but it was long enough that her thoughts took her to places she hadn't though possible she'd be ready to visit, and lead her to a new resolve.

Smiling at the babies before her, she turned and made her way towards his office.

Hospital gossip had yet to disseminate news of their latest breakup and that Derek had asked the nurse to go out to dinner. She came across the "interns" on her way to his office, and stopped only long enough to decline joining them at Joe's.


	4. Chapter 4

_Meredith Voice Over – Episode 4.06 _

"_You don't have to be tough every minute of every day, it's ok to let down your guard in fact there are moments when it's the best thing you could possibly do, as long as you choose your moments wisely." _

Meredith makes her way to see Derek, obviously unaware of the events that unfolded in his office while she stood gazing at babies, confident and excited in her new resolve.

Derek, however, asked the nurse to go out to dinner and there's still another forty five minutes before they agreed to meet.

He paced around his office, repeatedly running his hand through his hair in frustration. Though he could have used the time to catch up with paperwork, he couldn't concentrate, and all his anger continues to be directed at Meredith for rejecting him and walking away, for making no efforts to work on their relationship.

"Damn her," he shouted as he brought his hand down hard on his desk in an unusual display of temper. He had laid his heart out to be trampled, offered her love, to build a home and spend a lifetime together, and all she can do is offer sex and mockery and walk away refusing to confront their issues, or rather the million and one issues she continues to avoid and utilizes as a shield against commitment.

Blatantly unwilling to admit that he could be responsible for any of her feelings or actions, including the lack of trust he accused her of during their argument, he continues to enumerate all her faults, holding her exclusively responsible for their failed relationship.

Well, he was done with all of it now. She was immature and emotionally unable to commit, and he'd warned her, that he would wait, but if someone else came along, well, tough, someone else had come along. It was about time Meredith grew up, and he was tired of waiting.

He was ready to have a mature relationship, and at least Rose seemed able to offer that. She'd stood up to him and didn't let him get away with immature behavior, confronting him when he had attempted to avoid her earlier, forcing him to address the situation like two adults. That's what he needed, a woman who wasn't afraid to stand up for herself or go after what she wanted.

Mark was right. He was addicted to her, and addictions were toxic. He had allowed her to lead him around like a love sick puppy without any regard to his feelings. Used him at her convenience and discarded him when she was done. Who the hell knew, she was probably sleeping around like she did last time when she was dating the vet.

His silent tirade ensued until suddenly he stopped, unable to breath, literally feeling as though he'd been punched in the stomach sucking all air out of him. He walked over to his desk and slumped down on the chair, and placing his elbows on the desktop buried his face in his hands in shame.

Derek sat, unmoving, filled with overwhelming guilt and ashamed at the direction his thoughts had taken. He'd always strived to be an honorable man, but right now, he knew he had failed miserably. He allowed his anger and fears to overpower common sense, and his thoughts and behavior were much less than honorable.

"What the hell is wrong with me," he said barely audible.

He loves her. He loves Meredith Grey to distraction. She is the love of his life, and he can't imagine life without her. He accused her of not trusting him, but he'd told her he'd always show up, and he'd failed, more than once, leaving her alone at her most vulnerable moments, and then he had the gall of throwing it in her face, when deep inside he knew she had reasons for doubts, and he had done nothing to reassure her.

He had allowed himself to wallow in self pity, blaming her for issues for which they were clearly equally responsible. He wasn't letting her off the hook, but he had to assume his own failures and shortcomings.

Since he'd approached her and she'd walked away from him, he'd spent every moment finding ways to blame her, especially as he needed to justify why he'd asked the nurse out to dinner. Finally, common sense had kicked his ass, and he realized how unfair and dishonorable his thoughts had been. The final straw had been when he caught himself finding her guilty of sleeping around with other men, and he knew that wasn't true. Meredith had gone along with the idea of him dating, but he knew she had not done the same, and that realization finally brought him back to the reality and away from the long list of accusations he was silently piling upon her.

The door was ajar, but since immersing himself in the painful internal struggle of their situation, he had tuned out his surroundings, and almost missed the light knock on the door as a woman stood there, waiting for some sign that she was welcome.

"Come in," he whispered dejectedly, looking up with a cold and distant expression.

"Derek," a voice said softly, with a hint of nervousness.

Their gazes locked, and each was taken aback by the reflection in each others eyes.

She saw a coldness and emptiness that made her want to run.

He saw raw vulnerability and hope, and it made him want to hide away in shame and sob.

Once again, in the last twenty- four hours, she had pulled the rug out from under him, and he had no idea what to do or say, as he continued to gaze into the light grey-green eyes he adored without a clue to why she'd come to see him.

"What do you want Meredith?" he asked, no longer angry, but unsure of what additional heartbreak might be in store for them.

She heard defeat in his voice, and it scared her. She had never heard that tone in his voice. She was taken aback, and almost lost her resolve, but refused to cower, and walked slowly to stand in front of him.

"Derek, I… I think you were right…we should… we, we... need to talk."

"What is there to talk about, Meredith?" he answered, fighting the lump that had formed in this throat.

"Derek," she said again quietly, as she fidgeted with the wristband of her watch.

"I meant what I said last night," she swallowed lightly, and continued with quiet conviction in her voice, "I don't want to loose you."

_This is positively Mer/Der as there's no room for anything other than the two of them working through their problems and establishing a nurturing and committed relationship_

_Thanks to all readers and for all the comments. Finally figured out how to post the updates, and have added through Chapter 5. I'm going to try to update every other day. Please do leave comments, it helps to know if anyone wants to continue reading. Warmest regards, Jasmin _


	5. Chapter 5

Derek sat in stunned disbelief staring at the woman standing, unwavering, before him. He was literally speechless. She wanted to talk and had come to find him, and he wasn't sure what came next.

His own insecurities had made him react defensively, and replied, almost demanding to know what she wanted to talk about. He'd immediately regretted the tone he had used, when he heard his words out loud, but he was also fighting the urge to break down over the mess they had become in a matter of hours. He had seen her hesitate for just a moment, but she hadn't backed down, and simply and truthfully responded.

Softer now, but still guarded, he looked deeply into her eyes, and questioned, "why Meredith? Why is it important to talk now? What exactly are you afraid of loosing?"

She met his gaze and saw the same pain and vulnerability she'd been feeling. She'd come this far, and there was no turning back, not anymore. She knew the future of their relationship depended on her answer.

"You," she whispered with heartfelt emotions echoing in her words. "I'm afraid of loosing you, and that lifetime you've promised."

Her words shot through straight to his heart, like a thousand arrows punishing him for the pain he had inflicted, for the reactions he'd allowed anger to rule. But, at the same time, they were music to his ears, as beautiful as the loveliest melody ever heard, and her voice the loveliest sound he could ever imagine.

Without hesitation he jumped from the chair and went to stand before her, inches away, but not touching.

"Then why, when I came to stand by you, did you reject me and turn away?"

She inhaled deeply, before she answered, neither breaking eye contact "Because,"

she paused, "because I was afraid…if you touched me…" he interrupted her.

"You were afraid of me? Afraid of me touching you," he added confused and surprised, "I've never…never hurt you with my touch."

"No… not that you'd hurt me… just… just that I didn't know what you wanted to talk about… and I was afraid, so afraid…and if you touched me, I would break down, and I had to hold myself together, because, I thought if you wanted to talk it was just going to be to tell me again you … you couldn't do it anymore… like before,"she paused briefly as her eyes began to shine with unshed tears, " like… like the time when you said you couldn't … you didn't want to breathe for me anymore."

Derek saw one lone tear escape the corner of her eye and slide down her face, and gently reached out to wipe it away with a tender caress.

"Mer, I was watching you, and we'd walked away from each other, presumably ending things, and I felt my heart was breaking, I was angry and I had said things I didn't really mean, and I had hurt you, but you'd put up this wall, and I felt I couldn't reach you, but then, I had to make an effort, so I walked over to you."

"I felt you, you know, as you approached me, and all I wanted was to lean back into you, and have you hold me, and tell me that we were going to be ok, that we could work through our problems, but Derek, I was so scared… I'm still scared, that we may not be able to, and I didn't want to risk hearing that from you."

"We need to stop making assumptions, and start communicating, because Mer, when I walked over to you, all I wanted was to hold you, to ask that we talk, to say that I'm sorry, to ask that you forgive me, forgive me for all the pain I caused you, especially today."

"And here I am, ready to talk," she said with a bit more lightness in the air.

"Yes, you are, and that surprised me, seeing you standing at my door."

"That took a lot of courage, you know, I wasn't sure if I could go through with it, but knew I couldn't let things stay the way they were."

"Mer… today, after you walked away, I was really angry with you for rejecting me,

and…" he was interrupted, when she placed her hand on his arm.

"Der, wait, let's not talk of anger, there's so much I want to say, and don't want to loose my courage… please…please, hear me out," she pleaded softly, and without allowing him to continue, began to ramble on.

"Derek," she said softly, "today, was a really emotional day, for so many reasons."

Attempting to make light of the situation, she continued. "You brought house plans, and it scared me, but Derek, it IS a beautiful house," she smiled up at him,"and then I cooked an apparently horrible breakfast for Lexie, for 'my' sister, Derek."

"Then Tuck's accident, and all the hours we spent wondering if he was going to make it, made me think… made me think a lot." she paused, before continuing.

Softly, she said, "Derek, we haven't really talked about it, but it was big, really big Derek. I drowned, I died, you pulled me out of the water," emotion accentuating every word as her eyes again began to fill with unshed tears, "and you brought me back to life…and…. and… instead of sharing with you what happened, how that has changed me…how I feel…I….I haven't … and instead pull away from you, when all I desperately want is for you to love me, for you to find that I'm enough for you, that I'm not a disappointment like I was to my mother, and now to my father," she continued, as tears now freely flowed down her face, "I want to be more than ordinary…. for you."

Before she could go on, he'd bridged the inches between them and hugged her, as though he'd never let her go, and told her, his voice hoarse with emotions, "You have never been ordinary, not a single day of your life. You, my love, are in fact, extraordinary."


	6. Chapter 6

_I still see your reflection inside of my eyes  
That are looking for a purpose, they're still looking for life  
_

Lost in their own private world, they continued to hold on to each other as she cried softly, and he gently and tenderly caressed her back.

Neither would recall how long they stood in each others arms. Seconds turned to minutes as the proverbial clock ticked, advancing the time towards the moment that could shatter their dreams and hopes, again.

Meredith, unaware of imminent betrayal basked in the safety of his embrace.

Derek, hopeful in her behavior, disregarded the voice that warned of time slipping away.

Meredith pulled gently away from him, and they gazed at each other, neither willing to break eye contact, because, in their eyes there was hope and doubt and love, and each was feeling as though they had just discovered a new found treasure in each other, and their eyes reflected the hope of having found purpose, hope of finding their way back.

Uncertain in the fragility of the moment, neither was capable of letting go. Derek gently smoothed her hair back, then caressed her face and offered a gentle healing kiss that made her feel her world has stopped. Bringing her hand slowly towards him, she reached the back of his neck and pulled him towards her to gently brush her lips to his.

Meredith wanted to make the moment last forever, but her new found determination wanted to get everything off her chest, and didn't want to wait another moment for them to discuss what had gone wrong, at least what had gone wrong in the last twenty-four hours.

She pulled away from their kiss, and continued to look up into his eyes and with a slight sense of lightness said, "you see…. you don't get to be Mcdreamy…. with just a few words….. though they are wonderful words…. and a kiss."

Tenuously teasing back, he said, "you mean, in your eyes mcdreamy is dead?"

Reaching for his right hand, as his arms still circled her waist holding her close to him, she replied a bit more seriously.

"Part of this afternoon, in fact, they were some of the longest hours of my life, I kept hoping our argument had been a nightmare, and that I had not truly lost 'him' forever."

"Mer, I'm sorry, so sorry for today, I promise to make it up to you," he whispered as he gently wiped a stray tear from her face.

"Derek, I know we're both sorry about a lot of things, but we can't just shove it all under the rug again and again, and I know that may sound shocking coming from me, but, I realized how much there was too loose today, and I don't want to do that anymore… it's like… like this need to get all of these feelings off my chest…." She paused slightly, and brought his hand up to her lips.

"As for Mcdreamy…. and his demise," she teased as she gently caressed his hand. "You can't say these things to me, these dreamy things… and think that makes it all ok. If you really mean what you just said, that I'm not ordinary to you…..why did you walk away?

Why give up on us without talking, because Derek, you know we don't talk about things, and yes, you say these things to me, and I so desperately want ….. need to believe them, but I feel I'm in an ever constant state of doubt….. because, if I'm bad at communicating, you really contradict yourself. You said you'd always show up….but, you don't."

Caught up in these moments of open, honest and painful communication, he continues to ignore the warning voice urging the revelation of other painful truths.

"Mer, it's not very easy to talk to someone whose defense mechanisms force her to live in a perpetual state of avoidance and 'I'm fine', and the closer I want to be to you, and the more I make myself emotionally available to you, only has you pulling away, and shutting me out."

Looking down to their entwined fingers and without meeting his gaze, she concedes,

"I know, and I don't know how to change it, but I do want to try. But, Derek, how do you think I feel when you don't show up? When you walk away too, but expect me to forget those times you're not there….and then pretend they didn't happen, but ….you never forget to remind me… remind me of all I've done…all the ways, I've failed you."

"Meredith, I don't like or want to walk away, but so often, you put up this wall, this shield that I just can't get past….and I feel like you don't care, like I'm not important enough for you to want to try to make things work between, and lately… lately… I feel like everyone else in your life is more important than I am… and …," he paused as he looked deeply into her eyes, "and that makes me think and do things, I normally wouldn't do…and I'm sorry, because I know I've hurt you.. and I also know..it's probably not the last time," he stopped as he uttered those last words, immediately realizing what he had just said, and suddenly understanding the urgent need to tell her he had made another mistake, one that could destroy all that they've been attempting to rebuild in the time they have just spent together, and beg her forgiveness before the fragile walls of trust come tumbling down.

Unaware of the true and unavoidable meaning of his words, Meredith interrupted him as she gently caressed his arm, "Derek, we've both hurt each other, and I'm sure we will hurt each other again, but we can work on this, we can work on this together," and continues without even taking a breath, visibly nervous and cautious in choosing her words.

"I know you don't believe I've been trying, but, I have, Derek, I have taken small steps, and I know it's not a lot of progress to you, but they were huge steps for me, and huge steps meant that I was getting ready, but, you..,you found some… someone else, you kissed her, Derek… you kissed someone else .. and you had made love to me that morning… and," briefly pausing in defiance, " don't you dare tell me it was just sex, because it hasn't ever been just sex between us, even if we… even if I don't say the words, you know it isn't… and today, when you told me you can't do this anymore, the fighting, which, Derek, we don't really fight… since we don't even talk most of the time about these things…it scared… it really scared me because I could see in your eyes that you were drifting away, and that I was going to loose the only … the only…," she stopped, briefly considering her next words, trying not to sound accusatory, but unable to disguise the disappointment in her voice, "you knew Derek, you knew… you're the only one, the only relationship I've allowed myself to be in, and I didn't know how to deal with this… and that's when you said, even if we yelled, you'd always be there… and I believed you… and Derek, even if it wasn't as much as you wanted, I was giving you all I could…all I knew to give… and now….now… I'm … I'm… you really hurt me… today, when I found out you had kissed her… you really hurt me."

Reaching out to hold her other hand in his, he said, "Mer, I'm sorry, please," he urged,

"please, promise you'll let me explain… and please, find it in your heart to forgive me."

"Derek, I'll listen, and I can try to understand…I can try…but….if you really want a lifetime with me, if I'm the love of your life as you say I am… and you think I'm extraordinary," she paused looking up at him with a hint of sadness and disillusion, and her eyes shining with unshed tears, "why did you kiss her?"

_ AN/ Thanks to all of you reading & very special thanks for the comments. There are only 5 comments, which would seem indicate there's not a lot of interest. Please let me know if you'd like for me to continue updating here. Warm regards, Jasmin. _


	7. Chapter 7

"_Some say love, it is a river, that drowns the tender reed  
Some say love, it is a razor, that leaves your soul to bleed  
Some say love, it is a hunger, an endless aching need  
I say love, it is a flower, and you, its only seed"_

Derek felt the walls closing in around him…in fact, felt they were about to crumble.

The steps she had just taken towards rebuilding all that had been damaged earlier, he knew, could easily begin to unravel, and his answer determine their future together.

How could he possibly answer her question, he thought, when he wasn't sure he knew the answer himself.

He took a deep breath, as he continued to be shocked by Meredith's determination to get everything out in the open. The problem was, he didn't have any way to really justify his actions, not if, as she bluntly reminded him, she was the love of his life.

He was still holding her hands, and began to feel her anxiety with the small gentle tug she'd attempted to pull back, but didn't.

"Derek, saying something would be good about now," she whispered looking down, but then forced herself to meet his gaze, and found he too was averting hers.

She knew there was no turning back, whatever the outcome, it would need to be defined tonight, and in his continued silence found strength to utter the next words, knowing his answer could very well bring an end to all of it.

"Derek," she prompted, while giving the hands still held in hers, a gentle squeeze, prodding him to say something, anything but the overwhelming silence. "This is me, scared as hell, two nights in a row coming to you and baring my soul."

Finally, looking up, he met her gaze directly and said, "I'm afraid that whatever I say is going to hurt you."

With his words, she knew things were about to change and instinctively, defensively, released his hand and pulled away, "just tell me the truth."

Frustrated with the direction the conversation had taken, he ran his hand through his hair, revealing his inner turmoil, and hoping like hell he could turn the clock back.

"I don't know why I kissed her," and it did not seem like he had anything more to add.

"There had to be a reason. Do you find her attractive, more than me? Maybe she's bright & shiny, and eats healthy and doesn't drink and is totally different than me, you know – the anti-Meredith, and doesn't ramble…and you find her more attractive," her pride was taking a beating, but she needed answers. "Because, if that's the case, well, I thought, you and I… well, I didn't," she paused very briefly and continued, " I didn't think that was a problem, attraction that is… but… maybe… that was it… and you kissed her, because…I'm not all of those things.. and because, maybe you don't want me anymore, and that's fine.. well, it's not fine, but.. if that's what it was… than I'll leave… because….it's better knowing now than not knowing… and keep hoping … and I understand… well, I don't, but…"

Derek stopped her abruptly, reaching for her as he placed both hands on either side of her face and brought his mouth down on hers. She opened her lips slightly, giving him access to devour her mouth, and they found in the intimacy of an age old ritual of passion and love, the answers to questions longing to be asked. Love was there, if only it could be enough to help them find their way to trusting one another for a lifetime.

They both pulled back briefly, only enough to pause for air, and again shared a kiss, this time more gentle, their eyes open, looking deep into each other's souls, and then she caressed his face and gently smoothed his hair back, reaching towards the back of his neck and running her fingers through the curls she so loved, while he kissed away the tears sliding down her face.

She was the first to pull back, breaking the spell they'd fallen into in each other's arms.

"Then why, Derek, make me understand, because right now, right now Derek, not knowing why you kissed her… that kiss between us is not enough."

"It just happened. We'd had a rough surgery, and she'd been instrumental in saving the patient's life, and we were in the scrub room, a surgery high, and it just happened. It wasn't planned, it was spur of the moment, nothing I thought about, it just happened."

"You wanted to kiss her?" she asked, fear and doubt laced in her words, but not once backing down. Instincts kicked in, he'd said too much in his explanation, as though he were trying to convince himself, and this was no time to leave things unspoken.

His prolonged silence answered the question for him.

"I see," she whispered.

Those two words hit a nerve that made him snap back in anger.

"No, you don't see," he snapped curtly.

"You don't see the nights I stay awake, thinking about you and wondering what we're doing, why we are hurting each other. Nights after we've made love and you've laid in my arms and then ask me to leave, and times when you lay in my bed and I think we've finally reached a level of emotional intimacy beyond just the lovemaking, and you pull away as though it means nothing. You ask me why? Maybe I wanted to hurt you like you're hurting me."

"If that's the way you feel, if all I do is hurt you, why do you even want me around?"

He walked away from her and stood behind his desk, only to come back and face her.

"No Meredith, you don't get to pin this back on me. I know I've hurt you, but you hurt me too, especially when you walk away from me, making me feel like all we've shared is a booty call – that I could be replaced with any man and you'd feel the same way."

They both locked gazes, each of their emotions reflected in the other's eyes, sadness, pain, distrust, love and hope that they might work things out, in spite of how their words were now hurting each other. There was a glimmer of hope, because, for the fist time, they were actually talking and communicating with each other.

"I know you have doubts and trust issues, but so do I," he admitted before even realizing what he was revealing. "Because you know Meredith, I do know what it's like to be replaced without a moment's warning. I was replaced by my wife with my best friend in my own bed, after eleven years of marriage. So, why wouldn't I think that you'd replace me, as all you want is sex & mockery….and no commitment, and that's not enough, damn it, it's not enough."

She saw for the first time, what he had suffered as a result of Addison and Mark's betrayal, and it made her heart ache with the knowledge that he thought she could do the same. It made her understand a bit of his insecurities, and how important it would be if they were to make things work, for them both to address issues that had been left unattended far too long, but at the same time it angered her that he though she would act the same way.


	8. Chapter 8

Meredith was angered, but even more so, hurt by his assumption that she'd act the same way as Addison. But, he had provided a glimpse of his fears and insecurities that had remained unaddressed for so long, that the need to comfort him was stronger than her own needs.

"Well, you did. If you wanted to hurt me, you did," she whispered, unable to hide her feelings completely and balancing the angry tone in his voice.

"I'm sorry, if I could change things, believe me I would," he told her as he placed his hand over hers, and they stood facing each other, wondering how to make things right.

"You know, I was watching you comforting Bailey, and felt so proud of you, of how caring and compassionate you are, what a good friend you are, and how lucky I was to have you in my life. And, I was telling George how you wanted to build us a house…" she smiled softly, "with kids rooms and french doors, and that I was scared… and then….then, I found out you kissed her, and… Der…," she paused, unable to hide how deeply it had affected her as tears pooled in her eyes, "Derek, it hurt so much to hear that."

"George told you," he said, concerned over what else was overheard.

"He thought I knew."

"Mer, it just happened…it wasn't planned. You're the only woman I long for, the only one whose lips I want on mine."

"But you kissed her."

"We had agreed to date."

"No, Derek, you wanted to date, and I knew I was not giving you what you wanted, the commitment you needed, so I allowed myself to have a part of you, because that was better than not having you at all. But, Derek, I was not dating."

"I wasn't stopping you," he said defensively.

"But, I didn't want or need to, and Derek you kissed her in the scrub room, not on a date."

"Can't you understand," he said releasing the hold of the hand on his arm, "when you're with me, your kiss, your touch, make me forget all the doubts and everything else around me, but when you walk away all those doubts come creeping back, and all I've go to by is what's already happened. That my wife left me, and I wasn't good enough for her."

"You say I don't trust you, and maybe you're right," she said with a hint of resentment in her voice. "But, just listen to your words. It's not just me with trust issues. Do you realize how insulting it is that you are judging me by Addison's behavior?"

"I have never given you any reason to doubt me. When we are together, I have not given you any reasons to have you judge me that way."

"Meredith," he raised his voice slightly, "how can you say that? You refuse to commit to me. What am I supposed to think, when all you're willing to offer is sex, on your terms?"

He turned and walked away from her and tried to control his rapidly increasing frustration, though he found himself face to face with her again.

"I have waited for months and you don't give an inch, how the hell long am I supposed to wait before it's too late? Too late to maybe take a chance on someone else, before you decide to walk away again, and I end up alone."

She felt as though he'd physically slapped her, and she pulled away, stunned by his words.

A chilling calmness came over her as she looked into his eyes, and said, "if you feel this way, if you felt that way when you kissed her, if I'm obviously such an obstacle in your life, why did you show me house plans, why not just tell me you had found someone that suited you better than me, why the pretense Derek?"

"There is no pretense, damn it, but you push to the limit, without giving an inch of yourself emotionally."

"I have given you 'Everything' I knew to give," she said as she lowered her voice to an almost inaudible whisper, "and you certainly know and are quick to point out all my emotional limitations, but I haven't seen you turning me away, when as you say," she added, each word dripping with sarcasm, in a failed effort to hide how much his words continued to hurt her, "all I was giving you was sex."

"Stop it, stop putting words in my mouth," he yelled, as he attempted to interrupt the snowball effect his words had precipitated.

"Oh my God," she muttered, "you already knew…. you already knew… when I told you last night I didn't want you to date, that I didn't want to loose you, you already knew you were moving on," she told him accusingly.

Unable to hold her emotions in check, she looked directly into his eyes while allowing the tears to fall freely, uncaring that he saw her pain. "Then why, Derek, why go through the motions, why hurt me again…. why would you show me house plans…" she cried, "except you knew how I would react, and you did it anyway, you meant it earlier…." she said as she wiped tears from her face, " when you said you'd called my bluff…"

"Meredith," he raised his voice to get her attention and stop her tirade, but she continued.

"Did you enjoy her kiss? Did you compare her to me and found me lacking?

So you gave me house plans hoping I'd find an excuse to turn away, and you'd be able to pursue her freely, without having any responsibility… and you'd still be perfect … and nothing would tarnish that Mcdreamy image… and who could possibly blame you… after all, the hospital rumor mill would know he wanted to give her a house… but, it's just that slutty intern turning him away again," she uttered, before breaking down sobbing.

Three times he had seen her break down and he watched her, recalling each time as she became unraveled before him.

Once, when he found her sitting outside a hospital bench, the day her mother had been brought in and her secret was revealed. She'd told him how exhausted she was, how exhausting it was to hate him. She had reached up to kiss him lightly, telling him she didn't want to hate him anymore, and walked away, leaving him lost in his painful doubts.

The second time, he had seen her distraught, and followed her to a supply closet where she broke down at the thought of her mother dying alone, and he had whispered gentle, soothing words trying to regulate her breathing to keep her from hyperventilating while offering comfort as he held her in his arms.

Then, the day Doc died, when they had put him to sleep, they stood so close, but so far, and he had been unable to comfort her as she had cried, not just for Doc, but for their own loss.

Three times she had broken down in front of him. But never like this, he had never seen her in this much pain, and he was solely responsible. Guilt ridden and confronted with the reality that his actions would cause her more pain before the night was out, he struggled to keep himself from breaking down as well.

He loved her. He knew this with a certainty born deep in his soul, and all he had done today was cause her unbearable pain, and there was no way to change that. But, somehow, someway, he had to find the right way to make this up to her.

Without hesitation, what seemed like eons were actually seconds after she broke down, he reached out to her, and though at first she fought his embrace, he held her, unwilling to let her go and allowing her to sob in his arms.

"Damn you…," she cried as she attempted to break free from his embrace, "damn you… Derek, I did trust you… I did… I trusted you with my heart… even… even if I didn't say the words…I believed you, I believed you loved me… and I trusted you with my heart…"

_A/N 2/1 - there doesn't seem to be much interest here, as there's only 7 reviews. Please let me know, if you would like to continue reading this._


	9. Chapter 9

Meredith held herself rigidly against him, refusing to give in to his tender and gentle caresses and the soothing words of endearment, as he continued his attempt to comfort the woman still sobbing in his arms.

"Mer," he whispered, as he caressed her back with light gentle circles, "please, don't cry… I'm sorry… so sorry I've hurt you…..but please, don't cry anymore… please… seeing you like this, Meredith it's breaking my heart, because I know it's my fault, let me make this up to you…. please…" he urged, his voice hoarse with emotion.

She wanted desperately to accept the comfort he was offering, to give in to the familiar touch, to give in to the safety she found only in his arms. But she knew better, she knew better than to continue putting herself on the line.

"Mer, please…you need to stop crying… take a deep breath… Meredith, please, let me make this up to you…I promise to do everything I can to regain your trust…to show you weren't wrong… to prove to you that you can trust me with your heart."

She knew better than to let her guard down, but her heart was fluttering and making her feel all sorts of unexpected feelings of vulnerability, and against all counsel, she was beginning to feel she just might be willing to give all of this another chance.

He felt the slight change in her body as she very slowly began to relax, her tears still flowing freely, having soaked his impeccable white shirt and the navy jacket she so loved as it highlighted the beautiful intense blue of his eyes.

"You weren't wrong… Meredith, I do love you…. that hasn't changed… that doesn't change… Mer, that doesn't change because we fought, even if we walk away, that doesn't change," he whispered, as he felt her tighten her arms around him, and heard only her soft cries minutes after the sobs subsided, and then, she too with an unspoken peace offering, gently caressed his back and held on to him as though she'd never let go.

Minutes passed as they held each other, trying desperately to come to terms with the emotional roller coaster of the last twenty four hours, and the inevitable truths that had ensued within the last hours, very specifically the intensity of the recent words exchanged in his office as the evening was drawing to a close.

Meredith slightly pulled herself away from him, and looked straight into his eyes. Light grey-green eyes, puffy and red from crying and still brimming with tears, locked gazes with the intense deep blue glimmering with unshed tears.

"Der.. Derek," she had to clear her throat, her voice now low and hoarse from crying, "if you love me, when we argued today, when I asked you when you kissed her, why did you walk away?' she paused, as in deep reflection, before continuing to deal with the situation head on, "there was a look in your eyes …. a look that made me shiver, when you said… when you said…you couldn't do it anymore….Derek, there was a look that made me afraid that you had really given up on us… and now, I realized I had seen the same look last night…when I came to talk to you…to ask that you only date me."

"Meredith, I love you… but, I'm never certain that you love me."

"So," she interrupted him, "you had, you had made a decision to move on…last night, what you started to tell me…and I stopped you… was that you wanted to move on…" she said in defeat.

Less than gently, he moved his hands to grasp her arms and will her to understand him.

"No, I had not decided to move on. What you saw was guilt… guilt because I had already kissed her…guilt that I had betrayed your trust in me, and that I didn't know how I was going to tell you, because I knew it would hurt you, and fear that I would loose you."

"But, this morning… you brought house plans… you had kissed her and you brought house plans to share with me…was that because of guilt?"

"No, it was not because of guilt," he stated emphatically.

"Last night, after we talked, all I could think about was what you'd said to me, and about earlier that morning, when you left the on call room. You walked away with hesitation, as though something was left unsaid, and I realized, I thought, that maybe your hesitation was that you wanted to tell me about not dating anyone else, and it gave me hope…and so I brought you the plans this morning."

"So, today, when you said you knew I'd walk away…you didn't mean that," she added with uncertainty, "you didn't mean you had called my bluff."

"Meredith, that was anger and fear that we had really reached the end this time. That you didn't care enough to fight for us."

"I felt the same way. When I said I couldn't do it anymore, I felt the same way… that you didn't care enough to fight for us, that you'd given up on me, even though you said you'd wait for me to be ready."

"I felt I had been, giving you time that is, but you always found a way to hold me off."

"But, Derek, why? I haven't been holding you off. We've been happy, the last month, when we're together... I thought you were happy… that we were together…well, you know… broken up... but we're always together…"

"We are and we've been happy, but it's not enough, I wanted us to move forward.

"Mer, when you told me we had 100 steps to take…all I heard was you delaying things… and I felt .. I feel like you're avoiding it… because.. maybe… maybe you don't want me…you don't want a future together…that I'm not enough for you to want to work things out… and then, each time you ask me to leave, each time you leave my bed, I feel rejected all over again."

"I don't reject you," she said softly, as she reached out to hold his hands entwining their fingers. "I've been really trying, Derek, I have, but you don't give me credit, you only see what I'm not giving you, that I'm not making a commitment right now… but, being with you, every time I'm with you, that's a commitment Derek…it has been for a long time."

"So…," he asked lightly, "do you think we can try to be a bit more open… tell each other what we feel and avoid another day like today?"

"Derek, this morning, I told you we could start taking steps… towards… I know I said 100 steps…" she attempted in a slightly flirtations manner, "sexy … fun... steps… it's my way of moving forward, the only way I know… because I'm really afraid we may not make it, and I want to make it… Derek, I really want to make it…to take all those steps…together to our dream house."

He squeezed her hands gently, offering his answer, "we can start taking those steps… one at a time…and maybe… Mer, maybe every once in a while…you can tell me you need me…"

"I told you last night… and I meant it… I'm scared as hell… but here I am, wanting you anyway… needing you always."

Wrapping his arms around her he pulled her close to him and lowered his mouth to hers, lightly brushing her lips in a kiss filled with tenderness as they looked into each others eyes and in their reflection a light of hope and healing.

The dark haired woman watched from a distance. They had a date. Perhaps a date fated by destiny.

She took a step forward, walking towards her destination, effectively precipitating a sequence of events that would leave none untouched. Three lives that would be changed forever, each destined to experience moments of overwhelming pain, sorrow and vulnerability, but ultimately, two lovers destined to share a lifetime and beyond.

Thanks for the comments, very appreciated. It's encouraging at least 7 readers want to keep on reading. Will have another update tomorrow. Have a nice weekend.


	10. Chapter 10

"Oh, Derek," she said, taking a deep cleansing breath, and looking up to him lightly brushed away a lock of hair from his forehead. "I need you… I …do need you… so much," she murmured.

Derek gazed longingly into her eyes and with an urgency born of a deep fervent need, captured her lips. Her lips parted, allowing him access to her mouth as they shared an intimate mating dance reserved for lovers, finally, sealing a vow of everlasting promises.

"God… Mer…" he murmured in a low husky voice, "do you know how long I've waited to hear you say that…that you need me…that you'll let me in…that maybe you'll let me take care of you…"

Breathlessly, she teased him, "I think I've let you in…that kiss … was…."

"That… kiss," he said as he brought his lips to hers again, "held every hope and dream I've ever had for us…"

Overwhelmed by all the emotions, she lightened the mood a bit, "Derek, I've never done this before…the relationship bit…but you already know that… and those 100 steps we need to take…it wasn't meant as putting it off…I mean…we've already started…but we'll … we'll probably fall down along the way…" she paused briefly while reaching up to kiss him, "like we did today…but, Derek, if you help me… if we help each other…we can get up again…"

"Meredith, take a breath," he teased her as he held reached for her hand.

"I'm scared Derek, this is new … me… talking… very new."

"It's good…talking is good…I like this new talking…and rambling Meredith."

"It's a start, right? I mean… talking is scary Derek, but not talking is worse…and I couldn't… didn't want to stop talking…do you want to take those steps with me…do you think there's a chance for us? Because right now…I have hope in my heart," she giggled making his heart soar at the sound he hadn't heard in much too long, "I'm becoming as sappy as you… but I do ... I do have hope that we can work it out together."

Suddenly, feeling as though he was being watched, he raised his eyes looking outside his office window. He didn't see anyone, but a sense of trepidation filled him, as he remembered he had asked Rose to have dinner with him and now realized the urgency to explain this to Meredith before it was too late.

Dread was replaced with anger, anger at himself, as he acknowledged the undeniable certainty that he had made the worst mistake of his life. A mistake, he knew, he would live to regret beyond anything imaginable.

The dark haired nurse made her way towards Derek's office. Fortunately for Meredith and Derek she was detained by a couple of nurses, buying them a little more time. The women asked if she wanted to join them at Joe's, and she purposely allowed herself to become engaged in conversation and made them aware she was having diner with Dr. Shepherd.

Meredith felt the change come over him immediately, and saw the sadness that replaced the shimmering gaze of a few moments before. "Derek, what's wrong?"

"Meredith, I did something without thinking, and I'm not going to make excuses for my behavior, I can't, but I want you to understand that today, when we argued, and you walked away… I felt only hopelessness. Before this conversation, today meant I had lost the dreams I hoped you'd want to share with me but instead they were shattered by angry words, hurtful words spoken by both of us."

"You're scaring me…" she said, unable to disguise the doubts that were resurfacing, "what did you do… I mean how bad can it be, it's not like you asked her out on a date," she stated as she pulled slightly away to look into his eyes.

He felt it all crumbling down, wishing the earth could swallow him and he could avoid telling her the truth. A truth, he knew could destroy the delicate first steps taken in rebuilding the broken trust in their relationship.

Without warning a woman walked in to his office with a determined stride, and stopped short as if just realizing there were two people in the office.

"Derek, are you ready" she paused, "oh, I'm sorry, I thought this was the time we agreed to meet."

It was too late, he didn't even have to look at Meredith to know. It was too late.

One sentence. One sentence was all it took to change the course of his life.

"Derek…" she whispered confusion and incredulity filling the air as she looked deeply into his eyes for an explanation.

Reacting immediately, he reached out to touch her, but she pulled away. "I can explain."

"Nurse," she said dismissively and without turning around. Her voice was strong and precise, and barely recognizable even to her, but she continued, and would later question how she had been able to utter a single coherent word.

"Please give us a few minutes," she paused, emphasizing every word that followed, as she looked directly in Derek's eyes. "It won't take long, we're just about done."

Meredith Grey was giving her instructions and expected her to follow them. She wasn't quite sure how she felt about that, but, her goal was to go out with McDreamy, as he was affectionately known by female staff. She did not, however, hesitate to leave the office.

"Mer, please, let me explain."

"Close the door," she stated emphatically.

"Meredith," he continued to be interrupted by her angry voice.

"Close the damn door…," she yelled as he proceeded to do as she said.

"YOU….dare to speak to me of trust…" she countered, raw painful emotion evident in her words, the pain of betrayal reflected in her eyes."

"I tried to tell you… Meredith, I tried to tell you, but you interrupted me a couple of times."

"Are you joking," she stated anger rising in her voice, "you think this is about telling me? Do you think it would make a difference, if you had told me before she walked in?

Are you so completely out of touch, that you don't understand that it's not about you not telling me first. It's about you asking her out."

"I'm sorry. Please let me explain. I thought we were through, that it was over."

"So did I , but I thought we meant something to each other, I thought we were worth fighting for, and I stuck around to see you…talk to you, and try to work this out. I lived up to my promise to get ready. But you...you broke every promise to me, including the fact that you never show up."

"You knew Derek,"she said,"you knew last night and today, that you wanted to move on."

"No," he countered angrily, "I did not know that."

"Then why is she standing out there, waiting for you?"

She didn't think a heart could shatter more than once, and just when she though there was nothing left to break, the pain sliced through her all over again, as if the million shattered fragments had all been put back together except one shard of remaining glass, and that had been deliberately impaled into her beating heart causing unbearable pain, and shattering all over again.

_Thanks so much for the reviews for the last two chapters. There's 5 reviews for the last one, so here's chapter_ _10, and to address some of your comments, this is definitely Mer/Der completely - no room for anyone else for either of them, but they do need to work to save their relationship and rebuild their trust in each other. _


	11. Chapter 11

Deafening silence filled the room.

The walls were closing in. He already knew there was no turning back.

Meredith faced him, the penetrating look in her eyes challenging him to respond.

"I screwed up."

"That's it. You screwed up," she exclaimed. "I'd say you did a hell of a lot more than that," she shouted, "how long, Derek, how long have you been thinking about asking her out?"

"What?" he asked, shocked by her question.

"How long have you been thinking about this? Because…. this… this isn't like you. What else haven't you told me?" she demanded as more doubts came rushing through, but still managing, somewhat, to hold her composure.

"You think you know me so well," he snapped back angrily, and turned away from her, running his hand through his hair in the habitual sign of frustration.

"Maybe…" he yelled, surprising himself with his ranting as he stood in front of her once again. "Maybe, you should have been paying attention to what your constant pulling back was doing to ME, to US … God damn it, Meredith, we fought, you walked away, not once, but twice today… what the hell am I supposed to do?"

"Well, you sure as hell weren't supposed to go out with her tonight…what…how…how long did you wait … 5 minutes…before you ran over to ask her out?"

"I thought it was over…" he paused and emphasized by accentuating each word "YOU. did not want me… you, did not fight for us… and you know what…it was better to just walk away, stop feeling the pain, stop feeling the pain of your rejection over and over again."

"You have no right to say those things to me. You don't get to blame me for all that's gone wrong. You have pulled away plenty Derek, and walked away. At least I have not been pining away for someone else, enumerating your faults and giving you reasons that would make you want to walk away from me."

Exasperated with her unrelenting notion that it had not been spur of the moment, he spat back without even thinking about what he was saying "at least there was someone there, when you walked away… someone that didn't think I wasn't' worth her time."

Momentarily taken aback by his answer, she felt the security of avoidance pulling her back into its fold, and she spoke very slowly as detachment began to set in, "we could have avoided all of this…these arguments…you didn't have to go through all the pretense with house plans, the bluff… the wounded look and the sad eyes when you were telling me you couldn't do it anymore…you could have just told me… you could have told me the truth… that you wanted to move on…"

"Don't you give up...damn it don't you get it… I did not…I do not …want to move on.

It just happened…I did not expect us to fight in the hallway… I did not expect to say the things I did.. I did not expect to say I couldn't do this anymore…but then you agreed… and you walked away…and you wouldn't talk to me…and I asked her to have dinner with me."

"So," she stated sardonically, "I'm supposed to believe that I'm the love of your life and you want to build our dream house, but all I'm worth is a few hours thought before you're ready to move on… to be with someone else…or was it even that long…after you presumably felt like you wanted nothing more than to hold me and ask that I forgive you," she finished with a crack in her voice, and no longer able to remain composed, the tears pooled in her eyes.

He didn't know how to respond. Looking at it from her perspective, there was no explanation for his behavior, though irrational and immature came to mind. But, he didn't think there was anything he could say that would make her listen at this point. She had surprised him all day, and now confronting him as she was doing was something he with did not know how to deal with and felt as though anything he said just continued to make things worse.

His silence prompted her to continue, "I would have understood you know. If you had told me, I would have understood… you wanting to move on. It would have made me miserable… but it wouldn't have surprised me, I'm used to people moving on, being disappointed in me," she paused, catching her breath, and attempting not to cry.

"I'm …used to people choosing others over me. But, you…you could have been honest with me. I know you don't owe me anything, I know that I have given you nothing in return, you could have spared us both this moment."

"Do you really believe you have given me nothing," he said in a voice filled with pain and anger, "do you really believe all we've shared, has meant nothing to me? Have you any idea the agony I've gone through, when I thought I had lost you? When I thought I could loose you again? The pain of knowing that you were willing to give it all up? Of knowing that you have no faith or trust in me, in us?"

She could not continue to let him see her fall apart. He was right, maybe she couldn't trust anyone, but she had not been given a lot of reasons build trusting relationships, and he had betrayed her trust again today.

"Trust… you dare speak to me of trust, now!"

"Yes, I dare, because I tried to tell you what happened, and I'm not saying it was right, but damn it, there's too much at stake here…there's too much to loose… let's talk, please…let me explain… give me… give us a chance …and once you know the whole truth you can decide if you can forgive me and we can try to make this work between us."

"Explain," she hissed , "forgive you…'she laughed, a hard sarcastic sound she barely recognized herself, but it was the only way she could stop herself from breaking down and sobbing in front of him again.

"What a fool I've been…last night I placed my heart and trust in your hands… and you had already picked someone else. That's why you told me you longed to hold me and ask that I forgive you…when we were waiting for Tuck's healing, while we stood there, had you already asked her out?"

"No. It was not like that."

"What is it like then…can you deny you did not want to be with her, that you wanted to go out with her?"

"Meredith, I wasn't enough for you…you didn't pick me either, you won't commit."

"I did…" she said, softer, quietly, "I picked you, I committed my heart, but you already had Addison. You see, Derek… I've never been enough for you…maybe it really was all about the chase… you left me Derek, not just once … twice you picked someone else over me…that's all I know…and I don't deserve this… not this pain…this pain of knowing…that you...you too left me… I'm used to rejection… I am… but this… from you…I didn't deserve this… Derek… not from you…" she said and looked in his eyes, and their reflection broke his heart, because he saw betrayal and loss, and he was responsible.

In that one glance, the incredulity and pain reflected in her eyes, he knew he had probably lost her forever. He wanted to scream for his stupidity, for having pushed her away, for having to face the heartbreak he had caused the woman he loved.

His life had just begun to crumble, as he accepted, without any hesitation that on this day, he was solely responsible for shattering their dreams, but still made one last attempt and reached out to hold her, but she backed away.

"Meredith… I'll take care of this… wait for me, and I'll be right back. We will fix this… and I promise I won't ever hurt you again… I'll spend the rest of my life making this up to you, please," he insisted, yet accepting that his plea fell on deaf ears.

"You're right…you will never hurt me again…you won't get the chance."

"You… you… broke your promises… Derek, you broke them…you stood in front of me, and held me, and kissed me, and promised you would always show up…" she stopped to take a breath, and continued almost inaudibly, "you asked me for a lifetime, and told me you'd wait for me…you wanted a lifetime… but I wasn't worth waiting for…I wasn't good enough… twice…" she whispered, "twice, you chose someone else over me."

Their eyes locked. One last penetrating gaze before she turned away, and he saw tear filled eyes that no longer sparkled, and all that remained were the dying embers of what had been a flame of hope and now reflected the silent agony of despair as it was irrevocably replaced by a wall of impenetrable steel.

Meredith walked to the door, shoulders slumped, dejection evident with every step she took.

She reached for the door knob, placed her hand and turned it, simultaneously straightening her shoulders and without a hint of defeat in her stance, opened the door

and walked out, her head held high as she turned toward the right, completely ignoring the presence of the woman that stood nearby waiting for Derek.

Every word, every accusation felt like salt over an open wound. His wounded heart and soul longed to run to her and beg for forgiveness, but he knew right now, this night, he had lost her, and it would take something short of a miracle to regain her trust.

He didn't know when or how, but all he knew was that no matter how long it took, how many times she turned him away, he would not give up. He would try to regain her trust, her love, because there was no denying she was the love of his life, and living without her would be merely existing.

_ Thanks to all of you who left reviews... Normally will update daily, but will try to post a chapter whenever I see there's 5 reviews._


	12. Chapter 12

Meredith headed towards the residents' lounge without revealing any signs that she was falling apart, but the second she knew she was out of sight, and could not be seen from his office, her steps quickened as she struggled to breathe.

Her heart was pounding as dizziness and faintness were threatening her ability to make it to her destination, when thankfully, she ran into someone that realized something was terribly wrong.

"Meredith, are you ok? You're as white as a sheet, what happened, what can I do?"

She had almost reached the door as she began to feel faint and reached to hold on to the railing running along the wall. She heard Lexie's voice moments before her sister was by her side, holding her and helping her walk into the lounge.

"Meredith, what's wrong," she asked afraid to overstep the delicate balance they had reached in their relationship, but afraid that something was terribly wrong, "what can I get you, what do you need?"

Lexie led Meredith to a loveseat, and sat next to her, watching as her sister struggled to breath, eyes brimming with tears and a distant and sorrowful expression.

"Meredith, do you want me to page Derek, do you need for him to be here?"

Lexie saw Meredith flinch and turn pale, looking as though she was about to faint, and quickly lowered her head between her knees. She didn't know how to react, what do to for her, and when several minutes passed and she regained some of her color, slowly helped raise her back to a sitting position.

"Can you tell me what's wrong? Do you feel sick?"

Meredith was scared. She didn't know what was happening to her, she felt as though she was loosing control and things were going on around her without being capable of stopping them, and sitting next to her was the last person she would have ever expected to be there as she began to feel herself slowly unravel.

"I…I … can…" she murmured, struggling to catch her breath, "I can't….can't breathe… I can't…can't do this again," she said, tears rolling down her face, "I trusted him… I trusted him… and…he…" she sobbed, "…he…she… dinner…he…left…he…left me."

Lexie placed her hand on her back and attempted to soothe her, baffled at what she had said. "Don't talk….don't talk now, just try to breathe…slowly… you need to breathe,

c'mon Meredith…breathe…or you're going to hyperventilate…slowly…just breath."

When she calmed down a bit, and was no longer sobbing, Lexie brought her a glass of water, and waited until she drank it, giving her some time to compose herself. Fortunately, the lounge was quiet, and there had been no witnesses to her panic attack.

"Meredith, I don't know what's wrong… but you're not ok… you've…you've just had a severe panic attack, and obviously this has something to do with Derek," she waited for her reaction to his name, as something had trigged this, and it had to do with him, but she didn't understand what could have gone wrong since they had been together that morning.

"I'm sorry…I didn't… I didn't mean to …I…just... don't, I didn't mean to impose," she said as she was becoming agitated again.

"You're not imposing…I'm glad… Meredith…I'm glad I was here… but, I know … we…we're not that close…we've been getting closer… but this.. this seems big…and right now, maybe you need someone else… maybe Cristina…I know they were going to Joe's and she's your person…or maybe you want to go there…I can go with you…if you want…but you need someone…right now you need someone."

Meredith didn't understand where the words came from, but she suddenly found herself looking at her sister and with tears in her eyes, telling her, "Lexie…I … right… right now… I could… I could…need…need my…si...half …I do…I do need someone …someone…that cares…" and stopped herself as her voice cracked completely.

"Oh… oh..." she said as her voice caught with emotion, "Mer…I want…" she rambled just as Meredith did, and also had tears in her eyes, as she continued, "I want to be there for you… I'm glad I was here…I wan't…I want… to help…and…I do care…you're my sister…and I know… I know we've just met… but I do care," and both, simultaneously reached for the other's hand; one offering support and comfort, the other accepting and trusting feelings she did not know existed, that perhaps, this moment was about two sisters, no longer strangers, finding each other.

Minutes passed in silence until Lexie spoke, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Not yet."

"Are you ok?"

Meredith took a deep breath before answering, her voice soft and quiet, "no…no… Lexie, I'm not…I'm so far away from ok..."

"Is your shift over?"

"It was over an hour ago," she paused, "and yours?"

"I just got off, when I saw you…on your way here."

"Meredith, will you let me drive you home? I …don't…. I don't think….you should drive…after what happened…just now…that panic attack, I don't think you should drive home…I don't think you should be alone tonight."

Meredith was silent, deep in thought and experiencing a myriad of conflicting emotions, before she said, "yes, you can drive me home…because… tonight….tonight Lexie….I don't think I can bear to know I'm all alone…to know that everyone I've loved is now gone from my life."

"I'm sorry…Meredith… so sorry this is happening."

"Yeah… so am I… Let's go, I need to go home…and Lexie…thank you…for being here."

"I'm glad…I'm really glad I can be… thank you for letting me be here for you."

During the time Lexie spent ensuring Meredith was fine, another scene had unfolded.

The two sisters walked out of the lounge making their way to the parking lot, both lost in thought and unaware that the Seattle Grace rumor mill was already in full force, as many had witnessed Dr. Shepherd and the circulating scrub nurse walk out of the hospital, together, and headed towards his car.

It was unimaginable, and none of the individuals involved would have guessed, that by dawn, when the next shift began, sides would be clearly drawn and bets would be taken in regard to the outcome of the seemingly emerging triangle.

Meredith Grey and Derek Shepherd were about to become the center of hospital gossip once again.

She would be amazed to learn she had far more supporters that the last time around.

He would be shocked to learn that Dr. "McDreamy" now had feet of clay.

Fate…if it could…would have laughed at those bets…because, the outcome was already etched deeply in the heart and soul of two lovers destined to share a lifetime together and beyond…soul mates whose broken hearts tonight would heal, and ultimately find their way back to each other, once and for all…forever.

_Thanks for your comments it's encouraging to know how readers feel. Saw there's 6 reviews & figured some of you may want to read before tonight. There will normally be a daily update. Please read the last paragrah, that is where the story is going...and remember we already know that woman is there, it's just a short matter of time for her to be gone, Derek's point of view will be next update, and why this had to happen. _


	13. Chapter 13

Lover's Quarrel – Robert Browning

So, she'd efface the score,  
And forgive me as before.  
It is twelve o'clock:  
I shall hear her knock  
In the worst of a storm's uproar,  
I shall pull her through the door,  
I shall have her for evermore!

Derek had watched Meredith turn and walk away, without looking back, defeat in every step she took, and then as she neared the door he saw the change. She held her head high, as though unaffected and turned the knob, leaving a deceptively open door behind her, because moments before, when she last faced him, she had raised a wall of steel.

Derek's steps were slow as he made his way around his desk, and plopped into the desk chair, momentarily forgetting all about the nurse that uttered the words that had turned the last moments with Meredith to disaster.

Conflicted emotions were tearing through him as he buried his face in his hands and accepted the unequivocal and anguished realization that he was solely responsible for her

pain. All he wanted to do was breakdown and sob for all that had been lost.

All he remembered, all his mind's eye could see was the last look in her eyes. Eyes filled with tears, but dulled by her belief of his betrayal and the loss of all hope for a future together, just when moments earlier she had told him she needed him, always.

Thoughts rushed in, flashing back to the day she had drowned, the day he thought she was lost to him forever, back to the moment he realized she had given up and had not swam. He thought of the moment that morning, at her house, when he pulled her from the bath water, and the look in her face, the empty lost look in her face.

A dry sob escaped him, as he realized the look he had seen tonight, the raw vulnerability in her voice when she had told him he had broken his promises, that look was the same hollow and tortured reflection he had seen that morning, when it had been her mother's words, her mother's perceived disappointment in her that had led to her near death.

His was a tortured soul, as he attempted to hold himself together, because if he broke down now, he'd never be able to stop, he'd never be able to get up and get home, and begin to find the ways to make it up to her. To make up for all the sorrow he had caused, because tonight, he had broken her spirit. In her heart she felt he had betrayed her trust, and he had, because tonight, he saw trust turn to sorrow, and he knew she loved him, even if she had not said the words. She loved him, and he in turn was responsible for that hollow empty look, that prior to tonight, only her mother had been able to cause that much pain, and now, he had caused far more damaged than Ellis Grey ever had.

He didn't know how he would begin. How he could possibly begin to make things right, but he knew that no matter what it took, he would not give up on them. He would not give up until he saw the sparkle back in her eyes, till she could learn to trust him again.

Time no longer mattered; he would wait, for as long as it took to regain her trust, for as long as it took for her to give him another chance.

He had a feeling. How he hated those feelings. He had a feeling that it was going to be hell, pure hell to get through to her. But, he was not giving up, because if they got through this, if he was able to get through to her, to let him prove that he loved her, that he didn't want to live without her, then, it would all be worth the pain, because the other side of hell was worth the wait and likely the groveling, and with that last thought a bit of hope flourished in his heart.

Heaven. Heaven was worth the wait, and he would fight his way from hell, because heaven was what he found in the comfort of her arms, in the passion of her embrace, in the ecstasy of her surrender.

The dark haired woman had waited patiently outside the closed door of his office.

Meredith Grey had walked out, turning without a glance and ignoring her presence as though she were an inanimate object, just as the dull leafy plant nearby. She'd seen the shocked expression in her face when she walked in to his office, heard the raised voices, and then the despondent look in her face, and knew with certainty she had interrupted a lovers' quarrel.

A lovers' quarrel that had led Derek Shepherd to ask her out to dinner.

A lovers' quarrel ,well on its way to repairing any previous damaged done, and two people that had found a way to communicate long enough to realize they did not want to be apart.

She had knowingly walked in to his office, interrupting lovers reveling in new found hope, and with one sentence had, unknowingly, shattered their dreams.

She waited several long minutes before moving towards his office, knowing it would be best to allow him time to compose himself before she attempted to coax him to keep their plans.

"Derek," she said as she walked in, her voice bringing him back to the present.

"I'm sorry I interrupted, I didn't realize Meredith would be with you. I understood you were free to have dinner."

He cleared his throat and said, "yes, when I asked you, I believed I was."

"And, now you're not?"

"I apologize. Unfortunately, I should have thought it through, and didn't. Meredith and I had an argument earlier, and I made the wrong assumption, the wrong decision."

"Rose, I'm sorry, I can't have dinner with you tonight."

"I understand, obviously you were both very upset."

"Yes, we were."

"Listen Derek, we've become friends, I can be a good listener, and you obviously could use a friend."

"Rose, you're very thoughtful, but, I'm going to call it a night."

"Derek, I can see that you can use a friend, and I just turned down going over to Joe's with a group of friends. So, what do you say we grab a quick bite to eat, and you can decide if you want to talk or not. A woman's perspective might help, you know."

He hesitated for a moment before deciding what to do, she may be right, and there really wasn't any other woman he could ask. Miranda certainly wouldn't appreciate his dilemma in the best of circumstances, and tonight, she had her own difficult situation to deal with.

There really wasn't anyone else, and he probably could use someone to talk to instead of finding himself alone with his thoughts at the trailer.

"Thanks, and you're right, a woman's perspective might help."

Derek led her out of his office and they walked towards the parking lot to his car.

_Thanks for your comments, it really helps the motiviation... keep in mind, I'm just as annoyed with Derek for going out with Rose, so I wanted to write it in such way that he's been "manipulated" into it...as Bailey would say "You're so stupid" - Yep, a bit brainless on his part...but I had to find a way to justify the fact that woman is there for 3 episodes and figure out how to write her out of Grey's forever!_


	14. Chapter 14

"_As long as the ties that bind us together are stronger than those that would tear us apart, all will be well__."_

Lexie drove without making any attempts to engage Meredith in conversation, allowing her the privacy she evidently craved.

Meredith remained perfectly still most of the drive home, her gazed fixed straight ahead. Periodically, Lexie would glance her way after hearing a slight intake of breath, and the unmistakable sound of someone attempting to remain quiet as they cried silent tears, and she would see her sister wipe away tears from her face.

Meredith managed to remain relatively composed until they drove by her and Derek's favorite restaurant, a little Italian place they often visited, but then, Lexie heard the sharp intake of breath followed by two shallow sobs before she placed her elbow on the inside door handle, and lowered her face to rest on her hand, remaining in that position until they arrived at home.

------------

Derek had asked Rose is she had any preference for dinner, and she had left it up to him, but as they drove by an Italian restaurant, she suggested they might stop there, as she knew it was very good. He was startled by the sound of her voice over the music playing in the background, but promptly nixed the idea. He wasn't about to tell her that was his and Meredith's favorite restaurant, and he couldn't bring himself to have dinner there with anyone else.

"Actually, there's a Chinese place nearby that I really like, that's where I'm headed," he quickly added, omitting the fact that Meredith hated Chinese food, thus it held no memories of the two of them there together. They engaged in light insignificant conversation on the way to the restaurant, and once they found parking, he went around the car to open her door.

During dinner their conversation continued along the same lines as in the car, but soon found himself unable to dismiss the fact that she was openly flirting with him, though it was a 'woman's perspective' she had offered, and that's what he was looking for that evening.

She could see the subtle changes in his mood, as he often looked a thousand miles away, and quite obviously thinking of Meredith. She would need to engage him in a more effective way.

She liked him, but then, lots of the women at Seattle Grace had a crush on 'Mcdreamy' and she could certainly understand why. Though till this evening, when he had asked her out, it had seemed he had eyes exclusively for Meredith Grey. However, if the infamous hospital rumor mill had it right, the relationship between them was nothing more than physical, in fact the term 'break up sex' was often mentioned in reference to the couple, and their frequent sexual escapades at the hospital.

Granted, she had to admit the scene she had witnessed negated all the rumors that it was a non-committed relationship, and he himself had told her he had to see it through. But, even more so, she had to acknowledge that the intimacy she had felt in their presence, in that ever brief moment when she walked in to his office, told a very different story.

She enjoyed his company. They had been exchanging pleasantries and talking of friendship since their recent 'official' introduction. He had kissed her and enjoyed it, and he had asked her out on a date. As far as she could tell, all was fair game.

"Derek, do you want to talk about what happened? I'm a very good listener, and I did offer to give you a woman's perspective," she said, with a saccharine smile.

"Well, it's kind of complicated, and though I would like to try to understand what goes through her mind sometimes, I'm… I'm not really comfortable talking about it. Meredith is very private person, and I feel I need to respect that."

"You know," she insisted, "I certainly wouldn't betray your confidence, and it really might help you to discuss it."

Falling into the age old trap of tangled webs, he began," it's been a very difficult year for her, for us, really, and maybe I'm just pushing too hard at this point."

"What do you mean, pushing to hard?"

"Just, asking her to make a long term commitment, and she's not ready."

"I can understand."

"She feels I'm not giving her enough time, that I'm just asking for too much, too soon."

"But, you've been together a while haven't you?" she prompted.

"Umm…over a year… on and off…"

"That's a while…but I meant, I understand your perspective. It's usually pretty clear when couples want the same things. Otherwise, it tends to get in the way, if one of the individuals isn't clear about what they want; you realize it may never work out. Not that I'm saying that is your case," she added with just the right inflection of sympathy, "only that it was my experience."

"That must have been difficult for you, breaking your engagement. Accepting you wanted different things."

"It was, but sometimes, you just cut your loses. You know, move on with your life, and look at other possibilities, before it's too late," she stated deliberately and carefully, choosing her words to deliver the most impact.

"She's the love of my life," he stated emphatically, almost inexplicably angered by her choice of words, and realizing it was not necessarily a woman's perspective, but her own, and maybe even acknowledging she may have her own motives for saying those things.

"But, yes, you're right, sometimes it is better to cut the losses," he stated, and pretending he had received an urgent message on his blackberry, excused himself from the table.

A million thoughts ran through his mind, as he walked to the other side of the restaurant.

He didn't consider himself a stupid man, but momentarily thought back to Miranda Bailey's assessment of him, especially when related to Meredith. Yes. Stupid, would apply right now.

Suddenly, it was all very clear. Her words had helped to give him the proper perspective on things. How dare she talk about Meredith and cutting losses in the same sentence? It had been a very forthright implication, and he resented it tremendously.

There was only one decision he had to make, and there was no need for further hesitation.

He dialed an all too familiar number and waited for the call to be answered, though he expected it would not.

"Meredith," he said in a low quiet voice, "I know you probably won't answer, but I'm leaving you a message anyway…I'm sorry… Mer, I'm so sorry for hurting you, so sorry about everything that happened today. Please, call me, I want to see you, I need to see you tonight. "

He made his way back to the table, and could still not get over his actions today. He kept pondering what in the world had possessed him to ask her out to dinner in the first place, and worse, why did he let her talk him into dinner after Meredith left his office. Other than stupidity, it was probably the fact he hated to be alone. His sister Nancy had been right, he concluded, when she told him he wasn't used to being alone.

She realized she'd made a tactical error, and attempted to correct how she had come across. "Derek, I think I may have been a bit too blunt, and I apologize if I said anything that was out of line."

"Actually, you helped me to understand some things a little better. Don't worry, no need to apologize, you were just giving your opinion."

"No hard feelings?"

"Of course not," he replied, preferring to bring the evening to a close without any further possibility of conversation about his and Meredith's relationship. He already felt he had betrayed her trust, once again, by revealing as much as he had about their relationship.

They were soon on their way back to the hospital, where she had left her car, and when they arrived, he parked and told her he was going to go in and check on Dr. Bailey, but would first walk her to her car.

He walked her to the passenger side, and when she had unlocked the car, he opened the door for her to get in.

She sensed some movement out of the corner of her eye, and noticed three people standing nearby, one of them Nurse Debbie, infamous leader of hospital gossip.

"Derek, I had a lovely evening, and hope things work out for you and Meredith.

We had a great kiss," she added in a flirtations tone and voice loud enough to carry,

"but I really do understand, you have a sense of duty to her about your relationship and you need to see it through."

He was taken aback, and before he could respond, she had leaned forward and placed her lips on his. He ended the contact immediately, "I'm sorry," he said low enough for her to hear only, "I thought you understood. This can't happen."

"I do, it was only a friendly good night kiss," she said, this time for his ears only.

There was a barely audible gasp from the direction where the three nurses stood, listening and watching in astonishment.


	15. Chapter 15

Derek walked towards the hospital entrance and made his way to Tuck's bedside, where he found Miranda Bailey standing watch over her son.

She looked up, puzzled by his presence. "You still here? Thought you and Grey left here hours ago."

"Something came up, and I had to come back here" he said, without making eye contact, "so I came in to check on you and the baby. How is he doing, and how are you holding up?"

"Just concentrating on the important things….that my son is going to be ok."

"Are you planning on getting some rest? Is your husband going to watch over him for a while?"

"No, don't think that's likely to happen… as he's on his way to a hotel tonight."

Derek was standing next to her, and placed a hand over her shoulder in comfort, "I'm sorry. I know today has been an extremely difficult day, but I'm sure you'll both find a way to get through this together."

"I'm not so sure about that," she said as she turned to him, and saw a familiar look in his eyes, "we said a lot of hurtful things to each other today that won't be easy to forget."

"Miranda, don't give up," he said, and placed his hand on her arm offering support, "it's easy to give up sometimes… but, what you have, your marriage, your family, it's worth fighting for, and you still have a chance…at least the two of you still have a chance."

"Oh, no… Shepherd, what have you done this time, that you have that sad puppy combined with guilt look on your face? Where's Grey? Cause I damn well know it has to do with that girl."

"Nothing. Hey, I… just came in here to check on you…"

"Came in from where, she left here a long while ago, and I was pretty sure she was going to meet up with you."

"Miranda, I'm not here to talk about me…"

"No, maybe you're not, but I have nowhere to go, and Tuck's sleeping, so tell me what the hell have you done now?"

"I screwed up," he stated without hesitation.

"Yeah… well, you seem to do pretty good in that area… you and your over inflated cocky ego…and all that mcdreamy crap you seem to believe is yours exclusively… so get to it… what have you done?"

"I kissed a circulating nurse, and Meredith found out after I showed her house plans this morning, and..." he was interrupted by a slap on his arm.

"You did… what !!! She exclaimed as loud as she could without disturbing her son.

"Hey…that hurt," he said with a wounded look in his eyes.

"You know, the Chief really needs to take a look at the value you attendings bring to the table…such arrogant doctors, Mcdreamy, Mcsteamy… how do you have all this free time to play about the hospital and still do our job. AND when the hell do you find time to kiss another woman? You and Grey are like energizer bunnies all over this hospital… Shepherd, what is wrong with you?"

"What…what are you talking about?"

"Oh, please, I'm Dr. Bailey… I KNOW… EVERYTHING…and not just me… the entire hospital knows about this farce of yours, this break up sex crap… there isn't a day that goes by we haven't seen you & Grey coming out of on-call rooms, storage rooms… closets… for the love of God, Derek, what are you thinking?"

"It's not just my fault," he countered defensively. "I've been trying to get her to make a commitment to our relationship for months, and…"

"Derek, you can't really be this stupid, can you? That girl made a commitment to you a long time ago… I thought you both had… it's hard not to tell how you both feel about each other… and I'll deny this sappy conversation ever took place, but… when the two of you are together… when the two of you look at each other…there's just this magic…this electricity…chemistry in the air…that is so very rare to find."

Derek was surprised by what she said, the intensity of her words. She was not one to mince words, and even less often would she display any type of sentimentality or vulnerability. But there had been just enough times when they'd shared special moments together, understood each other and offered support. This was one of those moments he would never forget, because, someone else saw what he felt, that pull, the longing in his heart, that ever present desire that overwhelmed him when Meredith was around. Now, if only she would accept that what they had was worth fighting for…he reflected briefly… she had thought they were worth it, when she came to find him, to confront the situation, only to find out he had asked Rose to go out.

"She did come looking for me. We fought, and she left. She's not speaking to me."

"I've told you before, all of this means nothing, if you don't have someone to share it with. Look at me, so much time… so much effort and dedication to something I love… something meaningful and important.. saving lives… and look at the cost… my baby is lying here hurt, and today it was touch and go, and thank God he's going to be ok. But, but can you imagine how senseless and stupid all of this would be if he had not been ok? What would it all mean if I had lost him… and now, it looks like his father just can't handle this anymore… and I have to question, if it was worth the sacrifice, and you know… it was not, I needed to set boundaries… not leave my family alone…" she ended her statement with obvious regret and emotion in her voice.

"She's not picking up my call."

"Don't give me that sad puppy look again, go do something about it. Look,there's not a chance in hell I can fix my situation tonight… but you can…go find her… talk to her…

I'm sure there' still some Mcdreamy left in you," she added smirking.

"I'm not so sure… not sure she'll even talk to me after the way she walked out, she didn't want to listen to anything I had to say."

"Well, I can't say that I blame her…"

"Make up your mind, whose side are you on?"

"I'm certainly not on your side right now, though I admit Grey can be difficult… with her avoidance…and she's always 'fine'."

"You know about that."

"Derek, we all know about that… and with good reason. Have you forgotten what she's been through this last year…the kind of childhood she had…what you went through when you thought you'd lost her."

"I haven't forgotten. I live with the fear of losing her every single day."

"Well, then go, try harder…make her listen…don't give up so easily. Where's the Derek that didn't give up on her…that spend countless minutes breathing for her to come back."

"Thank you," he said in a voice hoarse with emotion, and gave her a light kiss on the cheek.

"Go….just go…"

"Miranda," he stopped and turned before walking out of the unit, "I'm here, if you need me. I'm here."

"I know," she said, "thank you … thank you, for your support today. It means a lot."

Derek left the hospital for the second time that day, and as soon as he reached his car, placed another call that remained unanswered.

"It's Derek…but, well, you know it's me. Meredith, please answer my call, call me back. Your car is here, at the hospital, please tell me where you are. I need to know you're ok. I need to see you. I want to see you tonight."

_ Thanks so much to all of you for leaving comments... it's very motivating. I expect to have at least 3 more updates this weekend._


	16. Chapter 16

Ch 16

Lexie had pulled in Meredith's driveway a couple of hours earlier, and both sat quietly for several minutes before they got out of the car and walked towards house.

Meredith stopped before reaching the front door and uncharacteristically sat on the wooden porch swing. "Here's the key, you can go in if you'd like."

"Would you like company?"

She didn't answer her question directly, but instead said, "this has been here since I was a little girl, but it's never used…it was broken…I thought…and now…"

"You fixed it," Lexie acknowledged in a attempt to maintain the flow of conversation.

"No," she stated, her voice and expression lackluster "Thatcher did…" she paused, lost in her own thoughts, as Lexie sat next to her. "One night, he was here for dinner," her voice cracked a little, "with your Mom…and… on the way out, he made a comment that it was still here, and I told him it was never used because it was broken… and he took out a pin he had placed there… to keep it from moving… so I wouldn't catch my fingers."

Lexie didn't know what to say, what Meredith needed or wanted to hear, so instead she remained silent keeping her company, and unbeknownst to both, solidifying silent and newly forming bonds of trust and friendship.

Meredith spoke softly, "You know, I hated you."

"I know… you made it very clear… I just couldn't understand why, and I kept trying and only made it worse…"

The swing rocked gently, and every so often, when they paused in conversation, only the sounds of the evening could be heard, as two strangers bound by blood allowed the other moments of reflection.

"You weren't very tactful, the way you told me… in the middle of an emergency, and then when I saw you again…"

"Oh, yeah….you hated me then… the look on your face with Der…Dr. Shepherd said I was the girl in the bar… I had no idea what he was talking about but you knew… and the look on your face… oh yeah… you hated me…"

"Yeah…. I did…and him."

"Meredith, it hadn't meant anything…I flirted with him, he was at the bar, but he… he didn't take me up on my offer to buy him a drink."

"I know… he's told me…and it wasn't your fault…" she paused, mildly annoyed at her thoughts after all that had happened today, but still said, "and he's too good looking for his own good, so I get it…that you'd hit on him."

"Oh, God…I'm sorry, really, I'm never going to live that down…I can understand you'd hate me… I'd hate you too if you did that with my boyfriend…"

"It's ok Lexie.. it wasn't your fault, it was how he told me… but, that part…well, we kind of cleared it up… but it doesn't matter now."

"You know…that night…I was there after Mom's… funeral…and all I wanted to do was forget what happened… but Meredith, he turned me down."

"I was not very nice to you… after that…. I resented you… a lot… you'd had what I didn't… you'd grown up with my father… had a wonderful childhood, and I was left without him…he had preferred to have you in his life… and forgot all about me…for over twenty years…forgot all about me."

"I'm sorry…so sorry…and I do understand… but… for me…when I found out about you…when Mom told us…I really wanted to meet you… to get to now you… and then Mom died…and everything just came …just fell apart… and I thought…it would be so nice to know my sister…"

"Well… it's taken me a lot longer than that…but I realized you weren't to blame… it wasn't your fault…so I've been trying… trying to get to know you…and I'm sorry about what you're going through with him right now."

"Thank you…for that chance…Meredith…Mom really liked you…and she wanted us to get to know each other."

"Last night... and tonight… it's … it's nice having you around….let's go in…I think I can handle going in now…"

They both got up, and Meredith unlocked the front door, grateful the "brothel" was quiet that night.

"Would you like me to make something for us to eat…I mean…I know…know you're not good in the kitchen…I don't know… I mean, it was great… you cooked this morning…and that was good, really good… but I've heard… you're not really… you don't like to cook…"

For the first time that night, there was a bit of lightness in the air, as Meredith chuckled slightly…"please…tell me I don't ramble like that…"

"Oh…no…well… yeah… you… you kind of do…"

"Something else we have in common…I guess...other… than the thing with the hands..."

"Yeah… I guess…we do… I'll get us something to eat," Lexie, said as they walked towards the kitchen.

Meredith had used the time talking to Lexie on the swing to compose herself, as she knew the minute she walked in the kitchen she'd be faced with the object of discord that had brought a seemingly bright and shiny day to a disastrous end, and she wasn't sure how she was going to handle that.

The floor plan was still laid out on top of the table, an offending object she felt staring back at her, mocking her, which was ridiculous, but she wasn't really feeling calm or logical this evening. She walked over and stood looking at the plans of the "dream" house he wanted to build her, and felt all the emotions of the day rushing back and suffocating her.

"Oh … oh…God," she said in a broken sob, as she sat down at the table, placed her hands on the sketch and broke down sobbing.

Lexie was at her side almost immediately and though hesitant at first, placed her arms around her shoulders and held her while she cried.

"He…he…promised … he promised… he would always be there….and he left…he left...and…kissed her…and asked her out… and he…broke his promise…and he left…

he didn't wait for me…he lied…he didn't wait… and he didn't think I was worth waiting for…and I'm not the love of his life…not …not …if he left me…"

"Meredith…take a deep breath…you need to breath…and…it's going to be ok… I know it is… he loves you…I know he does…the way he looks at you…he loves you… he told me…that he loves you…that he wants a life with you…"

"He…he…" she continued to cry, but no longer sobbed, "he says all those things… Lexie…beautiful things… and he … he doesn't mean them…"

"It's ok… it's ok... Meredith…do you want…to tell me…tell me… what happened…do you want to talk about it?" she encouraged.

"He knows Lexie, he knows I'm not good at relationships…that I'm scared… that I didn't want to lose him... I told him…and he brings house plans….and I want to trust him… I do… and there's kids rooms…" she paused as she traced her hand over the various rooms in the house… "french doors….a porch…all those things… I'm afraid to want them…but I do…I think I do... but I want them with him…only with him… but he can't give me the time I need….and he kissed a nurse and asked her out…"

"Meredith…I'm kind of really good at interpreting rambling…but you're kind of going to have to tell me everything….cause… in bits an pieces... like this… it doesn't really make sense."

Dinner preparation was forgotten as Lexie sat down next to Meredith, and offered the light encouragement she needed to allow someone else in her life, to take a chance on trusting someone else, this time, for the first time, family.

"I don't do this you know…the family thing… the trust thing…the talking thing… I don't talk when I get scared – I don't talk when bad things happen."

"I can do the family thing…Mer…Mom was really good with the family thing…and the talking…and I know she's glad that I'm here for you tonight."


	17. Chapter 17

The next hour passed quickly as Meredith, surprisingly, recounted the details of the last 24 hours, from the moment she told Derek she didn't want him to date other people to the moment she walked out of his office and came across Lexie.

"I'm exhausted, I'm going to bed."

"Look at the time, we didn't even eat anything….let me fix something really quick."

"Lexie, I can't eat…really…just not hungry… I'm just going to call it a day….but… thanks… thanks again… for being here…make yourself at home, and I'll see you in the morning."

"Ok.. but if you change your mind, let me know, I can bring you something."

"Ok," she said, and before leaving the kitchen, rolled up the floor plans, placed them in the tube Derek had brought earlier that morning and carried them upstairs.

Lexie sat in the kitchen and had a bite to eat, all the while, reflecting on the last 24 hours.

She'd lost a patient, a very nice patient in such a horribly gory way. She'd been miserable and alone, and Cristina Yang had shocked her by bringing her along to her sister's house.

Meredith had attempted to cook for her in the morning, which had really touched her, and here she was now, sitting in her kitchen, after having spent a couple hours getting to know and comforting her. She had hope. She had hope, that maybe… maybe… this had been the beginning of the two of them building a relationship, and it brought a smile to her face, as she silently acknowledged, 'thanks Mom…thanks for watching over us'.

Meredith walked into her room and looked around, sadness creeping into every ounce of her being, as she lay down on her bed. He was everywhere, even though he no longer spent the night, the memories of all the times he'd spent there were forever etched in her heart, her memory, her very soul. But now, it was over, he had moved on and asked another woman out, a woman he'd already kissed.

The ring of her cell phone startled her, bringing her back to the present. It was Derek. She let it ring, and let voice mail answer.

She was not ready to speak with him. She had bared her soul to him, told him everything she felt, without actually saying the words 'I love you', and then, that woman had walked in and her world had changed.

She had told Cristina, she'd have to worry about the woman after Sydney, and that moment was now, and she didn't know how she was going to handle it. Because, now, now that he was gone, she knew with painful clarity that she had never stopped loving him, that in spite of everything, she loved him, and he apparently did not love her back.

Meredith rose out of bed, got out of her clothes, dropping them carelessly by the bed, and slipped on seats and her Dartmouth shirt. She'd worn it the last time he'd been there, and she'd kept it under the pillow, wearing it when she needed to smell his scent. She buried herself under the covers and cried, the tube holding the floor plans conspicuously on her side of the bed.

Lexie went upstairs to shower and as she passed by her door, could hear her crying, but thought it was best not to disturb her, and was pleased when she made her way downstairs that she was quiet again.

---------------------------

Derek sat in his car hoping she would call him. He wanted to know where to find her before heading out. The digital clock on the dashboard indicated it was 10:47, which meant it had been more than ten minutes since he'd left her the second message.

He pulled out of the parking lot and drove to Joe's. It should have occurred to him earlier, he thought, she'd been upset and that usually meant a night with her friends at Joe's and one too many shots of tequila. If he was lucky, she might even be in a better mood to listen to him.

He walked into Joe's and looked around trying to find her, but saw only the group of four with Callie and Hahn at a nearby table. There even seemed to be some friendly communication between the two groups that evening, but Meredith wasn't there.

He approached their table, "is Meredith with you?"

"No," Cristina stated, "she turned us down, said she had something else to do, and by the stupid grin on her face, figured it had to do with you."

Derek wasn't quite sure how to respond, the relationship with them had its ups and downs to match the status of his with Meredith, but now he was getting worried about her whereabouts, "I saw her, but… but, something came up, I was hoping she was here."

"Shepherd," Cristina chimed in, "what the hell have you done now? Cause obviously you've already tried calling her and she's not answering your calls."

He wasn't about to engage in any type of conversation with Cristina and without any further exchange, walked out of Joe's determined to see her.

---------------------------

Meredith's attempt to sleep was futile, and was therefore awake when the first call on her cel came in, it was Cristina; then Derek called again, but he did not leave a message.

The silence throughout the house was interrupted by the loud ring of the home phone line and Meredith answered, instinctively, without stopping to consider who was calling.

"Hello," she said in a voice hoarse from crying.

"Meredith, it's Derek, are you ok, no, I know you're not ok, but, I'm so glad you're home… I need to …"

His words were interrupted by a loud click on the other end of the line.

Lexie heard her broken mutter, "damn you Derek, damn you," and heard a thud and crash from her room. Her sister, obviously found her temper, and threw something against the wall. A few minutes later, she made her way upstairs, and knocked lightly on Meredith's door, and hearing a mumbled, "I'm sleeping," opened the door and walked in.

"I thought that by now, you needed one of two things," she said as she placed a tray holding a bottle of tequila and two shot glasses as well as two bowls of ice cream, "tequila, or comfort food, what's it going to be?"

In spite of the misery she was feeling, she couldn't help but smile. She and Lexie might make it as friends after all.

"When I walked away… when I walked away from Derek's office… all I wanted to do was run and hide under the covers and cry, preferably after a few shots of tequila to numb away the pain… but now… now I want to feel the pain….to remind me of what I lost… because… "she paused, as she wiped tears from her face, "if I keep running away…it's just going to start all over again…the drinking… the one night stands… the inappropriate men….and it's too late…with Derek…" she said with a broken voice, "it's too late…"

"So, that means," Lexie said in an attempt to lighten the mood, "comfort food it is," and sat crossed legged on her sister's bed. "I'll even let you pick, but there wasn't much

of a choice, strawberry or coffee ice cream."

Meredith found herself suddenly crying over the decision to make, and inexplicably chose coffee ice cream.

"I don't know what's wrong with me and I'm really hating Derek right now… that was him on the phone… and… I hung up on him, and now I'm picking his ice cream, I don't like coffee ice cream," she said as she brought the first spoonful to her mouth, "that's his ice cream…I love strawberry ice cream…and I'm only eating it, because… because.. it makes me feel closer to him…and it's all his fault … his fault…I'm this sensitive and emotional… and I hate him... I hate him... I really want to hate him right now."

Derek was not going to be deterred by the fact she hung on him. Thankfully, she was home, she was safe. Her friends were at Joe's, that meant she was home alone, and they would be able to talk, and he began to think of ways to make it up to her as he drove to her house.

_Thanks to all of you who have been leaving messages, it really inspires to get the next update. Kathy, THANK YOU!!!_


	18. Chapter 18

CH 18

The two sisters sat quietly eating ice cream, both surprised by how their relationship had changed from their first meeting and begun to develop in a relatively short period of time. Tonight, was the most surprising development of all, and the beginning of familial bonds neither could have ever predicted, but ties and bonds both desperately needed and would come to rely on throughout their lives.

"Was that better than tequila?"

"Not really…but, it helped…it helped a little."

"Good… and I'm glad you chose coffee, because strawberry is my favorite ice cream…it's a decent fruit you know…unlike apples."

Meredith smiled slightly, "guess that's something else we have in common…" and while finishing her sentence, they heard the chimes of the doorbell, "but I do think you're wrong about apples…"

"Are you expecting someone…doesn't everyone have a key?"

"The whole world seems to have a key…but, I'm sure it's Derek….he called my cell 3 times… and that was him on the phone earlier...I just hung up on him."

"Oh…do you want me to get the door..."

"Just ask him to leave. I'm not going to see him."

"Meredith… are you sure… I mean… if he's here… maybe… he …you …can talk…"

"I don't want to see him…not tonight…but… hey, it might not be him… he's on a date…" she shrugged, pretending to be unaffected.

"I'll go see who it is…" she said as she picked up the tray and carried it with her, "but Meredith…maybe… maybe… if it's him, you should see him."

Derek was indeed at the front door, and Lexie had the advantage of seeing him first as she walked down the stairs, and he had the look of a deeply troubled man, shoulders slumped in anticipated defeat as he waited for the door to be opened.

She observed him for a few moments before reaching the door.

"Dr. Shepherd," she acknowledged without fully opening the door in welcome.

"Lexie," he cleared his throat, "I didn't expect you to be here."

"Neither did I….it wasn't in my plans…"

"I see," he hesitated, clearly aware and surprised by the slight annoyance in her tone. He was used to her being friendly and perky.

"Is…I'd like to see Meredith," he said as he let himself inside without giving her an option.

"I'm sorry, Dr. Shepherd, she doesn't want to see you."

"Umm…" he muttered, surprised again by Meredith's actions that evening, "she's talked to you."

"Yes, she has."

"I thought we decided you could call me Derek," he said, attempting unsuccessfully to gain points by flashing his mcdreamy smile.

"Dr. Shepherd… I thought …Derek… well... Dr. Shepherd… that was before…before you decided to hurt my sister… again," she stated empathically, without hiding her irritation.

He couldn't help but smile, and wonder if Meredith was aware of the role Lexie had taken on, protecting her sister. He was even more surprised that Meredith had confided in her, while the rest of the interns, as he continued to thick of them, were at the bar. He had expected her to be at the bar, burying her pain with tequila, confiding in Cristina, 'her person', instead he found her at home with the sister whose relationship she'd thus far refused to accept.

"Lexie, I need to speak to her, I need to see her and apologize, please, ask her to come downstairs."

"She doesn't want to see you, she's already …" she was interrupted.

"Please… I know what Meredith has told you is probably very bad…maybe even worse that it sounded, but I have to see her…at least I need to know she's ok."

"Of course she's not ok… how can you expect her to be ok…" she glared at him.

"Look, I know … I know I screwed up…but I have to try to make her understand."

"Make her understand…seriously? You know…you really had me going for a while…

I believed all those things you said… about how you felt about her… wanting to marry her… having a lifetime with her, but I didn't know you'd placed a time limit… I mean, seriously…you tell her you want a lifetime and the first sign of trouble…or you not getting your way…you kiss a nurse…. that's… that's really low…and you break up with her and not even… what 5 minutes later…ask that same nurse out to dinner…well… if you ask me…she's right… she's really better off without you…"

Derek was stunned by her words. "Did she say that? Did... she say, that she's better off without me?"

"Yes... yes… she did…and she's right, because… what you did tonight…" she had continued rambling, but then she saw the look in his eyes, the defeated look and haunting sadness.

"Look…..Dr. Shep…Derek…I'm sorry, she did not say that…but you really hurt her… and she's my sister…and I'm entitled to say that… because she's really upset, and you have no idea how bad she's feeling…and she'll probably be mad at me…and regret she talked to me today….because I'm saying these things to you… but I have to be on her side... I am on her side… because… I really really hope she and I can be friends… and I want her to be happy…but you were a real ass….sorry… jerk…today... and she does deserve better than that."

"Yes," he said, his voice low and filled with emotion. "she does deserve better…she deserves better than how I've treated her…and I've hurt her…and I don't know how to make it up to her.. but, I will…I will… I'll do whatever I can… whatever she wants…to make it up to her…and, please…please talk to her…I really need to see her," he begged.

"I'll go tell her you're here."

Meredith door was open and she was sitting at the foot of the bed when Lexie walked in.

"Thank you," Meredith told her quietly as her eyes glistened with unshed tears,"not to many people have been willing to stick up for dark and twisty Meredith."

"You heard… I'm sorry.. I wasn't trying to betray your confidences…it was…just...he was there, and... I kind of wanted to hit him…for being so stupid… and I rambled. "

"It's ok, Lex… it's ok…you didn't do anything wrong…I heard…you were trying to protect me."

"Meredith, he really is sorry… he looks like he's sorry…maybe if you talk…you can work things out…"

"I'm done talking….Lexie, he's done nothing but talk…and I know if I talk to him, and he gives me that look…" she paused… "our look" she whispered, "I'll probably just look in his eyes and get lost in his gaze, and believe him… and no… he doesn't get to come in here…and do that… not tonight…"

"He said he wanted just to see you… make sure you're ok…"

"No….no… Lexie, not tonight….he doesn't get to come here and see me… and pretend he cares…and utter some half assed apology…and say pretty words he doesn't mean…. not tonight…" she said attempting not to cry, "not when he broke up with me without any hesitation, and before the day was out, he asked that woman out to dinner… and she…she… walked in to his office….she walked in," she continued, no longer attempting to stop the tears from flowing, "after he and I …had talked…I thought we were trying to work things out…and he'd told me… again…he told me that he loves me…. and I'd humiliated myself… bared my soul to him… and she…she walked in as though she had every right…and she had no right… but she did… she did Lexie, because he asked her out to dinner…and he knows…he doesn't have to see me…to know I'm not ok."

Meredith walked to the other side of the room and picked up the tube holding the house plans from the floor, now laying next to the vase she'd broken when she'd hurled it across the room after his phone call.

"Give this to him."

"Mer…"she gasped, "are you sure…that's pretty strong…to give them back to him."

"It doesn't matter to him… it doesn't matter to him which woman he shares that house with."

Several minutes later Lexie stood in front of Derek, a bit of sadness and the shine of tears reflected in her own eyes. She wasn't sure this was the best thing to do, but she had to respect her wishes.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm sorry, maybe she'll want to see you another time."

"I see," he stated, fighting the urge to break down, as he braced himself for what was coming next when he saw the tube she held in her hands.

"She asked me to give you this," and extended the cardboard tube towards him.

He did not accept it, and with a voice choked with emotion simply stated, "I don't need them… they were for her, for us… I don't need them anymore."

Lexie saw a broken man, and felt sorry for him, but she had seen Meredith break down as well, and her loyalty was to her sister. But, there was something else they shared, both had a deep sense of compassion. She had no doubts Meredith loved him, but that was for them to discover, but him, she had to give him a bit of hope.

"Dr. Shep… Derek…today was very difficult for her…I'm sorry…but…I'm sure she's going to want to talk to you…soon…I think…I think…I can see there's something special between you…and I hope that you will be able to work things out."

"Thank you," he said quietly. "Please, please tell her….I can't, I won't give up on us… tell her…" he paused, his voice hoarse and broken, "please tell her, I love her."

The end of the day drew near, making way for a new dawn, but for two people, it was the beginning of a painful road of self discovery, doubts and often times despair.

The day had begun full of hope for a future together. Two people walking along the same path, to the same destination, but unable to understand that the steps along the way, the steps along their journey, would be and needed to be different, because life had dealt them each a set of very different circumstances, though ultimately, and in perfect timing, they would reach their destination together.

Meredith and Derek dreaded the dawn of a new day. Each unaware, that this feeling of hopelessness too, would pass, that it was merely a moment in time, a painful and sad moment in time that would lead them down the path to rediscovering each other, to the beginning of a life filled with unexpected revelations, pleasures, trust and hope that would cement and nurture their relationship for a lifetime.


	19. Chapter 19

Ch 19

Meredith heard everything Derek had said and when he left walked downstairs.

"Thanks Lexie, I couldn't handle seeing him tonight" and without giving her the opportunity to say anything else added, "I'll see you in the morning." She then picked up the floor plans and went back to her room placing them atop the armoire, hidden from view.

She cried herself to sleep, though sleeping for more than an hour's time was impossible, and spent half the night awake, thinking and unable to fully comprehend how it had all come crumbling down. Ever since Derek had told her, in no uncertain terms, what he wanted, she had been trying to make an effort and get ready to make the commitment, the problem was, she admitted long into the sleepless night, she had no idea how.

When he'd first said the words, after postponing their weekend getaway, her first reaction was to run, run away from the emotions, but she knew immediately she couldn't, so she had told him she'd get ready, and she had been trying. Then she had been secretly elated, what woman wouldn't be, to hear the man she loves, though she hadn't admitted that to him in a very long while, tell her he wants to marry her, have kids with her, spend a lifetime together. But then, she'd been angry, that he'd placed a condition to it, that he'd wait unless he found someone else that was willing to give him what he wanted from her. Ultimately, she had decided she'd work at her issues, because, even though she did not admit it to him, or even to herself until recently, she did not want to lose him. She loved him.

The first thing had been putting her mother to rest. He didn't give her credit for her efforts and she'd really though he saw her efforts, though it wasn't quite as quick as he wanted. But, how could he not see it, how could he doubt her feelings. Part of her knew she was being unfair, she expected him to see through her actions, though she rarely expressed herself fully, but hadn't he noticed she was spending more time with him, staying longer, hesitating before she left his bed and holding him close to her longer and longer unwilling to feel the separation that ultimately came when he got up to leave her bed.

The hours of restlessness gave her lots of time to think, and along with that came facing some realities, and she recognized she is partly to blame, as there are so many issues left unsettled, so many things they don't discuss. She didn't even talk to him about the fact she washed her mother's ashes down the drain in the scrub room, with only Richard Webber present. But, then again, he knew she brought the ashes to work, in fact, helped pick them up off the floor, and he didn't ask her what she'd finally done to resolve it.

She had to face the situation, the horrible mess they'd made of things, and part of that meant taking some of the responsibility, though she was so angry and disappointed with him that she really wanted to place all the blame exclusively on him. But, most of all, she had to acknowledge she didn't know how or if they could work things out. Now, she realized her fears of losing him were well founded, because, now, she was truly afraid it was over.

Finally, she cried herself to sleep one last time that night until the alarm clock jarred her awake.

-----------------------

Derek was miserable. He was terrified.

When he walked out the door and went to his car, he sat paralyzed by fears, unable to move, until he saw the light in her room turn to darkness, and then his world came crashing down as he fully grasped the consequences of his actions.

The drive to the trailer was a torturous gamut of dark emotions. Loss and fear the epicenter of each thought, oftentimes blinded by the tears he was unable to stop.

He loved this woman. He loved Meredith Grey with a depth he'd never experienced. Once he had thought Addison was the love of his life, he had even said that to her when she came to Seattle, until he realized what he'd felt for her all those years was but a

miniscule emotion compared to his feelings for Meredith. Feelings that had never been more evident than the day he thought he had lost her forever, the day she had drowned, and his life came to a standstill until the moment he knew she'd survived.

He reached his land and parked far away from the trailer, unwilling and unable to risk the possibility of facing Richard. He couldn't see anyone right now. He parked the car and turned off the headlights, and gave in to the raw emotion that had been threatening to overpower him all night, especially from the moment Lexie attempted to give him back the floor plans. She'd given up.

"She asked me to give you this," she had told him, but he'd refuse to take them back.

Derek crossed his arms over the steering wheel, lowered his head and cried. Heart wrenching, gulping sobs for every second of pain he had caused her, for every moment she felt he had failed her, for every tear she had cried in his arms, and most of all for every day she had been in his life, in his arms and now seemed irrevocably lost forever.

His thoughts were a jumbled mess. He loved Meredith. She was the love of his life. He knew these two things to be his greatest weakness and his greatest joy. Weakness because the thought of losing her, of living without her made him realize nothing mattered without her, nothing was worthwhile without her at his side to share it. Joy…he thought, joy was what she brought to his life, every touch, every look, every caress, every moment of simply breathing in her scent, every minute of hopeful expectation that they would share a lifetime brought joy to his heart, as only one woman had ever done. She had brought joy to his life, and when he looked at her for the last time, he knew he was responsible for extinguishing the flame of hope he'd seen in her eyes moments before it all came crashing down around them.

How the hell had he let things get out of control. A psychiatrist would have a field day with him. He loved this woman, yet everything he had done in the last 24 hours would indicate exactly the opposite. There obviously had to be some deep rooted psychological trauma that had him acting this way, and he almost hoped there was, because otherwise, his actions were those of a deranged man, almost purposely sabotaging himself, his dreams, his hopes to build a life with this woman, whom he adored, yet had managed with a few words and actions inexplicable even to himself, to shatter their dreams.

Derek walked the distance to the trailer, a defeated man entered his home.

He spent a sleepless a night, examining feelings, flaws and fears, but found no answers, no clues to what to do next. He was a broken man, thinking about everything that had taken place between them, especially in the last twenty-four hours.

She gave him back the house plans, even if he didn't take them, it was still her intention.

She'd accused him repeatedly of breaking his promise, of not being there for her, and he spent the night thinking about every time he had walked away from Meredith Grey, and tried to make sense of what had happened, of what he had done.

As dawn drew near, all he knew without any doubts, was he had to find a way to gain her trust, to get her back, to prove to her he loved her, because the other options were unacceptable. He had to figure out the way to stop it all from continuing the spiral downfall that seemed inevitable. Life without Meredith wasn't living; it was a mere existence he was not willing to endure.

The rising sun, unlike so may other mornings shared, failed to bring comfort and hope to the two estranged lovers that had laid awake most of the night longing for each others embrace.

The setting sun, however, would bring additional heartache and discoveries, that neither would comprehend nor fathom could possibly be setting the stage and guiding their path to the inevitable and fated period of growth and healing, and leading them back to each others gentle, caring and passionate embrace.

_ Thanks so much to all of you reading, and those of you commenting, it is so very much appreciated and inspiring. Happy Valentine's Day! Love really should conquer all... for Mer/Der in this story, anyway. _


	20. Chapter 20

**Ch 20 **

Izzie was cooking breakfast, bantering with Alex about his aura when she glanced up and saw Lexie walk in the kitchen quickly followed by George.

The day before had inevitably affected everyone that worked closely with Miranda Bailey, and the relationship between Alex and Izzie was surprisingly showing some signs they could overcome the recent strife between them.

"Good morning," Lexie and George said simultaneously.

"Lexie, we didn't know you were here again, would you like some breakfast?"

"As long as it doesn't include eggs," George quipped.

"Why," Meredith interrupted, "you don't like eggs? You ate what I made yesterday… but was it that bad… I mean it's ok… I know I can't cook… just wanted to make you feel better...you'd had a bad night…"

Lexie tried to get his attention and have him stop talking, but he went on, "she's allergic to them, you should have seen her face…"

"You're allergic to eggs?" Meredith asked incredulously, "you ate them yesterday… why didn't you say so, you didn't have to eat them…"

"It was ok…you cooked…and you made the effort…and it was really nice…and I didn't want to hurt your feelings… "

"Lexie, that wasn't very smart…you could have… you should have told me…I would have understood…what happened…were you ok…how bad as it?"

"I was fine… Mer…it was ok…I had a shot of epinephrine."

"Oh my God, I almost killed my sister."

The reference to her 'sister' wasn't lost on her friends, and especially Lexie. She was being scolded like a child by her big sister, and she smiled and thought, she'd do it all over again if it meant getting to the moment they were sharing right now.

"It was ok, Mer, it wasn't that bad… I knew… knew it and had a shot right away."

"Is there anything else I need to know? No eggs… no apples…"

Lexie walked over to Meredith as the others busied themselves with breakfast, and whispered softly, "also hate roses….no roses….ever in my presence…"

In an unexpected moment of levity, Meredith laughed, "none for me either….I appreciate the loyalty…" and with that exchange, unseen seeds of friendship continued to flourish between two sisters.

Alex was the first to notice the rapport between them as well as Mer's appearance.

"Hey, Grey, what's up with you? You look like crap, and we know you didn't get plastered at Joe's and Shepherd came by there looking for you…"

"Derek…he….he… went to Joe's last night?" Meredith asked.

"Yeah…and he left as quick as a bat out of hell… so…what's going on?"

"Alex, just leave her alone," George interceded on her behalf."

"Ok… now we know something's up…. spill Bambi….you know something... and sis spent the night…and is being way too friendly here…so Shepherd screwed up again…"

"Nothing's going on… I don't know anything," George replied unconvincingly as he shrugged his shoulders and looked away to the side. "And it's her business," he added unable to keep his mouth shut, "and well… it's nothing… Mer, you don't have to say anything."

"Look," Meredith spoke up while pausing to drink her coffee, "you may as well hear about it now…just before you go around saying anything, let me tell Cristina."

Izzie was the first to react, "Mer, something's really wrong…what's going on?

Are you ok…?"

She took a deep breath before explaining, "Derek and I…we… we broke up."

"Oh is that all…" Alex laughed…"c'mon Grey…that's old news… what version of break up… or is it make up sex….are you guys on?"

Izzie and Lexie both reached out simultaneously and smacked him.

"Stop it…Alex, stop being so insensitive," Izzie stated.

"Yes, don't be such an ass," Lexie echoed.

"Derek has decided to move on," she stated, attempting to remain as detached as possible, "I found out he kissed a nurse, and we had an argument…"

"Wait, Mer," Izzie interrupted, "this doesn't make sense, he was here yesterday, he brought the house plans, Mer, house plans for your house together…there must be some mistake…he was here ..."

"No mistake, he admitted it. He obviously didn't see anything wrong with kissing a nurse and bringing me house plans the next day… and then… he…we… fought, and broke up… walked away…and then tried to talk… and I thought," she took a deep breath before she broke down, "I thought, we might…might just work things out…"she paused, "and she interrupted our conversation…when… when she came to meet him to go out to dinner."

"What," Izzie gasped. "Mer, is he crazy…are you sure… he kissed her and asked her out to dinner?"

"That's the way it seems…so, yes….it's over….this time…it's over…"

"Mer, I'm sorry, so sorry," Izzie said as walked over and laid her hand on her arm, "are you ok?"

"No, Izzie…no, I'm not. I'm not ok right now, but…I will be."

"Mer…" Alex said as he came over to her and hugged her. "I'm sorry."

"Thanks Alex," she said as she fought the tears pooled in her eyes, and pulled away.

"Mer, shift starts in half an hour," Lexie said, "I'm going to get my things."

Alex, George and Izzie sat in silence a few seconds after Meredith walked out of the kitchen.

"He is such a total and complete ass, I can't believe he'd act this way," Izzie commented.

"Yeah… Mcdreamy bites the dust," Alex stated.

"Yeah… and it might be worse, cause this morning, I overheard them talking…Dr. Shepherd and the nurse, and I didn't think anything of it…"

"You what," Izzie interrupted "you heard them talking…and what did he say ?"

"I wasn't eavesdropping or anything, just they were talking and I was there, and she told him that she was angry with him, because she'd let him off the hook for making out with her… but that it was only one kiss….and she said it had been a really great kiss but it shouldn't get in the way of their professional relationship."

"Oh, my God, poor Mer, he's such a jerk."

"But, Iz then they just shook hands and said they'd be friends… so I thought it was ok.. and when I told Mer…"

"O'Malley," Alex said smacking him on the head, "what the hell's wrong with you dude, you told Mer? Don't you know you never say those kinds of things to women….dude.., shit… for all you know it was just a kiss, and it would have blown over…and she didn't really need to know"

"You ass… George, how could you tell Mer!"

"It just happened Izzie, Mer and I were talking, and she said she was scared of building a house...and I though she knew…"

None were aware Meredith had been standing at the kitchen door, on her way to pour more coffee in her mug before leaving for the hospital.

"What else did they say George," she interrupted them. "What else is there that I don't need to know?" she said glaring at Alex.

"Oh, shit." George muttered, and stumped out the door.

Meredith, Izzie and Lexie rode to the hospital together, and Izzie got a very brief summary of the evening before. Meredith was not forthcoming with details, and Lexie respected her privacy.

The hospital was alive with energy as the morning shift began to gather and the night shift wound down, but not before the two exchanged tales from the night before, and consequently gave rise to the rumor mill's latest installment in the Grey – Shepherd on/off – break/make up saga. The sides were drawn…the bets were on.

A/N Thanks to all who are reading, and those of you that leave comments, it is so very much appreciated. I believe the mess Meredith and Derek are in is largely due to their lack of communication, and for this reason, trying to divulge as much as possible, even if it's due to eavesdropping and have things out in the open, that way, when they do talk, they each are aware of things that they can discuss and/or fight about and eventually learn to communicate to avoid misunderstandings that lead them to hurt each other, and the constant turmoil and breakups in their relationship.


	21. Chapter 21

One by one the 'interns' and 'attendings' arrived at the hospital and headed to their respective assignments. One by one, throughout the day, they would become aware of the hospital gossip, some would even join in the bets placed, in regard to the Grey-Shepherd-Nurse triangle.

Cristina was the last one to walk in to the resident's lounge and was surprisingly followed by Miranda Bailey.

"Yang, you're late, good to see some things haven't changed," she quipped, as the long faces of her 'interns', with the exception of Yang, did not go unnoticed.

"Good morning people, I'm glad all of you are here. You know, I'm not an overly sentimental person, but yesterday was one of the most difficult days of my life," she paused, briefly lowering her head, "and I wanted to thank each of you for your support.

Thankfully, Tuck is going to be just fine…"

"You've been there for all of us Dr. Bailey," Izzie said, "we're really glad he's ok."

"Cristina, thank you, for holding his hand, when I couldn't."

"It was good. He was ok."

"Ok… people, you need to get to work, you have interns and duties to assign. I'll be with my son, but just… thank you, again."

"Grey," Dr. Bailey stated, "can I have a word with you," and made her way out the door, followed promptly by Meredith.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, is everything ok?"

"No, Grey, everything is not ok… what the hell happened to you last night, you look like you've had no sleep… and no…no… I don't get involved with personal lives… but, you don't look so good…this isn't a Mcdreamy kept you up all night…sleepless night look."

Meredith shifted and squirmed a little, not really knowing what to say. "I'm fine, Dr. Bailey, just…you're right…I didn't get much sleep last night."

"Did you see Shepherd last night, did he come talk to you, and don't give me that you're fine bit… you're not fine."

She stared at Bailey without responding.

"Oh, that man is so stupid. I told him last night…told him to find you and get you to listen."

"You know about…Derek…Derek…told you we broke up?"

"Yes, Grey…he was here late last night…and I know everything…you should know that! What I don't know is when you two fools are going to stop this song and dance routine and get it together."

"I…he…Dr. Bailey, he did try to talk to me…he came over…but I didn't talk to him…I had Lexie tell him…I didn't talk to him."

"Ok…now listen to me…I'm going to tell you same thing I told Shepherd… none of this…none of it Meredith…means anything if you're alone."

"He's dating a nurse. He's moved on."

"No…he's not, he has not… that was a stupid thing he did…and he regrets it… he knows he screwed up…he's a man Meredith…you'll find out…one day… you'll find out, when you have a child…a son…men, they start sucking the life out of you from the moment you attempt to bring them into this world…and they never stop, they continue to be children."

Meredith was stunned by her support. She was Derek's friend, at least, she knows he trusted and respected her. It made her feel just a little better to know she was not completely alone right now.

"Dr. Bailey… I really…I appreciate …"

"No…none of that…just fix it…Grey, just fix it…you two need to talk…stop all that break up sex nonsense," she paused seeing the horrified look on Meredith's face, "we all know, the entire hospital knows."

"Oh, God…"

"Get that look off your face…talk…it's been known to work…you know… two people communicating…expressing their feelings… for centuries Grey… it works… get it together. With men, well you just have to be smarter than them," she paused, reflecting on her own situation and trying to figure out how things got so out of hand, and here she was trying to give relationship advise.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm …I can't …I can't trust him."

"I understand. I'm not sure what all the issues are, and I know it's been a very rough year, but, I'm going to also tell you what I told him…and then we're going to forget we had this little...whatever this is…that I don't do with interns…you two have something special. Yes, I was not pleased with it, not at the beginning…but I'm not blind. Don't be blind Meredith…some things, you have to fight for, and he loves you."

"Thank you…I …thank you," Meredith whispered, visibly touched by her words.

"Get to work now…and talk to Shepherd… and by the way, I'm glad your sister was there for you."

Meredith chuckled, "you really don't miss anything… you do know EVERYTHING."

"Don't you forget it."

"What was that all about," Cristina inquired the minute she walked back in the lounge, and taking a look at her continued, "oh, don't tell me that ass has done it again. I knew it when he came looking for you at Joe's last night."

Before she could say anything, Lexie walked in. "Meredith…sorry to interrupt…but ... can I speak to for a second?"

"Not now 3…ok… Lexie…we're having a conversation here."

"It's ok Cristina, Lexie what is it?"

"Uh…uh…Mer…maybe we can talk in private."

"Ok," Cristina interrupts, "what's going on? You're all chummy with you're not 'my sister' here, and everyone has long pathetic faces."

Alex and Izzie walk out, leaving the three women alone. "Lexie, what is it, you can tell me, I'll fill Cristina in later."

"Just… just if you need anything today…well, you know… I can be a good listener…and Mer…don't… I don't think….don't think you should pay attention to any gossip…you know… about … you know… what happened."

"Gossip…gossip… it's already started…we haven't been broken up for 12 hours…and it's already started."

"Broken up… you and Mcdreamy? You broke up and you didn't tell me."

"I'm going to go…just don't listen…ok…just …I'll see you later," Lexie said as she left the lounge.

"Ok. I'm your person and what just happened. I'm your person and everybody knows about this, and you don't tell me," Cristina accused indignantly.

"Cristina, she was there. I was starting to have a panic attack, and she was there. You are my person…and I'm going to need you there…when I begin to all apart."

"Ok. What happened?"

"He walked away Cristina, he walked away…" and she proceeded to fill her in on all the evening's event.

"Good riddance, you know Mer, you're really just better off without that ass."

"I know… but… it's not …what I need to hear… I love him… Cristina, I do love him…

I drowned…I had a second chance and what did I do…"

"Don't you dare take the blame for his… he's been a total ass."

"I know… but it doesn't make it hurt any less… that I love him, and he doesn't know, and we could have had a chance…and I'm not ready… and all these abandonment and intimacy issues are stupid and insignificant….and he's not in my life Cristina…" she took a deep breath before continuing and attempted to keep tears from falling, "he's gone... and that's everyone I've ever cared about…my mom… my dad… Derek… they're all gone Cristina… I haven't been enough for any of them…"

"I'm here Mer and you're enough…and you have Izzie, Alex…and Bambi… and 3…Lexie…"

"I know… I know that… but he…he… I need him Cristina…I told you I do…he made me feel safe…and now he's kissing…and dating a nurse…"

The hospital rumor mill was in full swing but came to an abrupt halt as Meredith approached the nurse's station on the surgical floor.

"Dr. Grey, good morning, Dr. O'Malley and one other intern were paged to the clinic, and here are the rest of your charts," one of the nurses told her with just a little too much friendly enthusiasm.

"Thank you, I'll make sure to check on them." She assigned duties to the others while noticing the circumspect looks sent her way, and walked away with the certainty they had been talking about her.

When Meredith walked away, the conversation continued. "I'm telling you AmyLynn, she let everyone know she was going out with him last night, and then Debbie told me he dropped her off at her car and kissed her."

"Lisette, I never liked that nurse, but him, Dr. Shepherd, I'm so disappointed in him. After all that girl has been through, how could he do that, how could he ask another woman out so quickly, I mean, just the day before they were in that supply room for their usual morning wake up call."

"Good morning ladies, the betting pool has started, and it's not looking pretty for Dr. Mcdreamy," they were interrupted by one of their colleagues, "and I can't wait to see Rose fall flat on her face. She has some gall, everyone knows Dr. Shepherd is in love with Meredith Grey, and just because they had a fight, and typical male is stupid enough to ask her out, she should know better than to interfere in a lover's quarrel."

"Steph, what fight," AmyLynn chimed in, "all we heard was about Rose bragging that he had asked her out and then Debbie saw them kissing by her car last night."

"Let Tracy fill you in, she heard part of the fight," Steph said, and quickly changed the conversation as she saw Mark Sloan approach, but suddenly he stopped to flirt with Dr. Hahn, and the nurses noticed she seemed to be flirting back. "Tracy, come over here, fill us in about the Shepherd's fight."

"The Shepherd's?" Lisette laughed.

"Oh, come on, you know they're going to end up together. It's fate," AmyLynn stated emphatically.

"Well, all I heard was when they were in the hall way yesterday morning, and Dr. Grey asked Dr. Shepherd when he had kissed Rose, and he told her, and then she said something about him kissing nurses and giving her plans for their dream house, but I was with a patient, and all I heard was the end, when he told her he couldn't do it anymore."

"Oh, that Rose, she probably heard, and just took advantage of the situation, and that man, how could he be so un-dreamy! So Tracy, what's the bet, whatever it is, I'm on her side, Meredith's side that is," said Lisette.

"Pool started on third floor, there's a couple already, but I'm betting on how long it's going to take Mcdreamy to redeem himself and be worthy of earning the nickname back," Tracy said.

"Well, here's my $ 20, that they'll be back in an on-call room in 10 days time, so that definitely qualifies as redemption."

"Ok, AmyLynn $ 20 for 10 days, I'm down for 2 weeks," said Steph.

"Put me in for $ 25, but I think it's going to take longer, 3 weeks."

"Tracy, that only leaves you."

"I'm betting $ 50 that it will take 30 days, she's going to want to make him grovel this time. Kissing a nurse, and asking her out, hell, I'd make him wait longer, but don't think Grey can resist."

They did not hear Mark Sloane approach, and lean against the counter, "so ladies," he smiled as only Mcsteamy could, "what are we betting on?"

"Dr. Sloan, good morning," Lisette answered curtly, that man was just too damn sure of himself.

"Oh, come on, you know I love bets, and I though we were all friends again?"

"Dr. Sloan, we don't think you're going to want to be on this one."

"Really, that's even more intriguing, Tracy, what's the bet?"

"Oh, why not, we'll take your money. How long is it going to take for Dr. Shepherd to regain his Mcdreamy status."

Mark had just sipped his coffee, and quickly pulled it away from his lips to keep from spilling it.

"What?" he let out a resounding laugh. "He lost his nickname?" and continued laughing.

"What's so funny," they were all interrupted and silence quickly followed as Derek Shepherd approached the desk.

"Shep old boy, how are you this fine morning," Mark said as he patted him on the shoulder, "you look like hell."

"Good morning ladies," he said and ignored Mark.

"Good morning sir…Dr. Shepherd," three of them mumbled, and he had the unmistakable feeling he detected a slight hostility from the nurses.

Mark took out a $ 50.00 bill and placed it on the counter, "23 days, there's lots to make up for it seems," he said, and winked at them.

"What's the bet for, maybe I want to join in?"

"Believe me Shep, you don't, let's grab you a cup of coffee, my treat."

The men walked away, the bet momentarily forgotten when they reached the elevator and the doors opened to reveal Meredith standing before them.

_A/N Thank you all for reading, it's inspiring to see over 11,000 hits on this, and 100 plus reviews, that last chapter had the most reviews, and it was great to read your comments. I expect the next chapter to be finished tonight. Those 4 nurses...well, let's just say some of you may recognize the names & thank you! _


	22. Chapter 22

Ch 22

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing_

_With a broken heart that's still beating _

Their gazes locked, and each was taken aback by the reflection in the other's eyes.

She saw raw vulnerability and hope, and it made her want to forget everything and run into the comfort of his arms.

He saw a coldness and emptiness that made him want to bow his head in shame.

The moment lasted barely seconds, but long enough to see the tears that gathered in the other's eyes, and understand that this time, the stakes were higher than ever before, and the losses might be too much to bear.

Her first reaction was to get off on that floor and avoid him completely, but she glared at him instead, and refused to give in to the comfort and security found in long established patterns of behavior.

"Meredith, good morning," Mark teased lightly.

"Dr. Sloan," she acknowledged.

"What a lovely way to start my morning, a meeting of the DM club."

She was in no mood for Mark Sloan and simply ignored him.

"Meredith," Derek whispered as he stood close to her.

She told herself she would not react to his proximity, but she did, and she knew he had noticed the slight shiver that went through her body involuntarily.

"Mer," he murmured, getting closer, "you have to speak to me, acknowledge me sometime."

The elevator stopped and she walked out before reaching her desired destination, inadvertently providing additional gossip to the rumor mill.

Derek watched her go walk away and to Mark's amusement, saw his friend run his hand through his hair in frustration.

"Shep, you've really done it this time. I think I'm going to try to change my bet."

"Bet," he looked at him in disbelief as they got off the elevator, "there's betting on us, that's what you were doing earlier. You bet $ 50 bucks on what, you ass?"

"You're losing your touch old man, Mcdreamy has lost his status, you are now a mere mortal man, an idol with feet of clay, and the bet's are against you."

"What the hell can they be betting on, for God's sake, is there nothing sacred around here."

"You've got to be kidding, sacredness; you're really getting old and senile, if you don't know how many bets have been placed on you & Grey, it's constant."

"Why the hell are they betting on us?"

"Derek, you guys are like fucking rabbits all over this hospital, you don't think people notice, and than you go do something stupid like break up with Grey in a hallway, and tell her you kissed a nurse, and you don't think there's going to be bets? You guys are the main form of entertainment here, keep up with the program."

"What the hell did you bet on, and what was the 23 days?"

"Fond memories Shep…fond memories… 23 are the number of sexual encounters with nurses in the last two weeks."

"You really are a man whore."

"Proud of that title, Shep, very proud, of course I may have to alter my ways when Erica gives in to me."

"In your dreams Mark, that's never going to happen. Answer my question, what are they betting on?"

"Well, I didn't have enough time to find out all the details."

"More details of what? Do people around here ever work?"

"Keep up with me here, this bet is about how long it's going to take for you to redeem yourself and be worthy of your name again."

Derek Shepherd had been silently pleased with his Mcdreamy designation, by Yang no less, and he knew they teased Meredith about it, but he also knew he had failed to live up to that expectation, he had let her down again, and apparently the entire hospital knew about it. Derek Shepherd prided himself in doing the right thing, living up to a perfect image at all times, and it stung that it had suffered as a results of his recent despicable behavior.

"I can't believe you bet $ 50 bucks on us."

"Not us Derek, YOU, how long it's going to take you to redeem yourself. I should probably make a bet for you, and give you the edge so you can win, cause this is going to cost you money, you're going to have to spend money to work your way back to Mcdreamy status."

"Mer's not like that, she's not materialistic, that's not what our relationship is about, I just need to make her understand I know I screwed up and make it up to her."

"Denial…. I see that's a common trait you two share. You've never been in this kind of trouble before. Take my word for it, it's gonna cost you, and you better start thinking of your strategy, because right now, man, you can't even refer to what you have as a relationship. You're in the shit house, and that's a fact."

They reached the coffee cart and Derek ordered, taking out his wallet, but Mark paid, "save your money, you're going to need it," he chuckled.

"Good morning, Dr. Stevens," Mark greeted as she approached the coffee cart.

"Good morning Dr. Sloan,"

"Izzie," Derek acknowledged and was completely rebuffed.

"Oh man, this is worse than I thought, I've just lost $ 50 bucks, you're not fixing this anytime soon."

"You're wrong, I'm going to talk with Meredith, and I'll make her understand."

"Denial…yep…denial is where you're living. But, this was worth $ 50 bucks to get back with the nurse's good graces."

They made their way back to the surgical floor and came head on with another familiar face.

"Lexie, it's good to see you this morning, I appreciated your thoughtfulness last night."

"Well, Dr. Shepherd….it's not good to see you, and … you … you really had me fooled. I thought you meant all you said last night, but obviously… I was wrong," she accused and walked away without looking back.

"She rambles just like Meredith," Mark commented.

"I don't get it, I had a pleasant, well as pleasant a conversation as we could have given the circumstances last night. She was friendly, and even sympathetic."

"Looks like she's already heard the rumors. Wonder if she's going to make a bet as well."

"What the hell else is there? She's not going to be on her sister."

"It seems you've lost your touch…you have to take some lessons from Mark Sloan, and you have to be a little more secretive about your indiscretions."

"Indiscretions!! What the hell kind of indiscretions are you talking about?"

"You need to be more careful Shep, there's rumors of a not so quiet good night kiss in the parking lot."

"What, she kissed me, I didn't kiss her. I walked her to her car, and I told her nothing could happen between us, but she leaned and kissed me, I did not kiss her back."

"Go figure…and it's all over the hospital, you need to be more careful during shift changes, you never know who the audiences is."

"Oh God, I'm so screwed, if Mer finds out, she's never going to listen to me, she's never going to trust me. I can't lose her Mark."

"I think you've already managed that, she doesn't trust you at least that's the rumor mill, and from the reaction in the elevator, think you've already lost her."

"You're an ass Mark."

"Think of the bright side, you had lost your touch, and now, well, if I'm going to be honest, my bet's on you Shep, you have a chance here...have your pick…a nurse and a resident…more fun to play with the nurses…Grey's too serious lately."

Derek walked away in anger, while Mark chuckled, he knew just what buttons to push. Oh, yeah, he thought, he was going to win that bet, in fact, he was going to see what other bets were going on, because these two were meant to be together, and the way they looked at each other in the elevator, there was no way they'd make it two weeks without the other, and he felt he owed Derek, he owed him because of Addie.

Both Meredith and Derek spent the morning in surgery, blissfully unaware of the increasing interest in their lives, but it was short lived.

Meredith joined Alex, Izzie and Cristina in the cafeteria, and at first she though she was becoming paranoid, but there was definitely something going on when the animated conversation her friends were having came to a halt as she approached them.

"What's going on? Why did you stop talking?"

"Nothing," Cristina was the first to speak, "we were just planning on getting together after work, and hope you're going to join us."

"I don't believe you, what's going on."

"Nothing's going on Mer, really," Izzie said at the same time she elbowed Alex to keep him from speaking up in his usual, blunt, keep no secrets attitude.

"Fine, I imagine I'll find out myself sooner or later," she said and walked away leaving her unappetizing lunch behind.

The rest of the day kept her busy, but, regrettably she soon found out what they were trying to keep from her, as she sat undetected in the room behind the nurse's station while

completing her charts.

"Tyler I still can't believe it, I know love when I see it, and Dr. Shepherd is in love with Dr. Grey, no two ways about it, the looks between those two are enough to steam up the entire hospital. I just can't believe he took that woman out to dinner and kissed her goodnight….and then, from what I could hear, he apparently said…."

She listened to the conversation between Nurse Tyler and Debbie, and became increasingly agitated, thinking back to her mother's last day of lucideness, and what she had repeated as she had so often in her childhood, "people who hover on doorways, are coming from nowhere and heading nowhere," and she wasn't hovering, she wasn't eavesdropping, but at that very moment, she felt like nowhere was the place she belonged.

Derek saw her sitting at the desk, and thinking luck was with him, iwent to speak with her.

"Meredith, I'd like to speak with you."

She was completely absorbed by her thoughts, and the look in her eyes expressed such dejection, he wasn't even sure how to reach her.

"Meredith," he said again, touching her hand lightly. She was startled at first, but quickly withdrew her hand from his touch.

"Please, I'd like to speak to you"

"There's nothing left to say between us."

"There's a hell of a lot to say," he said raising his voice, immediately regretting it. "Meredith, we're going to talk, I'm not going to let you do this to us. I'm not going to give up."

"You no longer have a choice," she said and looked at him with such haunting sadness, "because, I no longer care," she said, unable to keep her voice from cracking, and got up and tried to get away as quickly as she could.

He could see it in her eyes, she was about to break, and he was responsible. He followed her and reached her right by the door of a small staff quiet room.

"Leave me alone."

"No, I will not leave you alone," he said as he locked the door and closed the blinds.

"I can't… I can't talk to you right now… and not here…please," she glanced at him quickly.

"You're going to talk to me, and you're going to talk to me now, and we're not leaving until you listen to what I have to say."

She looked past him, and though he could see how much she was hurting, how much effort it was costing her to stay I control, she almost broke down when she said, "It's appropriate I guess, this is where I found you when I told you we had to put Doc to sleep. Go ahead and talk, it will be a fitting place to put an end to us as well."

Every word felt like sharpened knives piercing his heart, leaving him unable to utter a word.

"What do you need to say, let's get it over with."

"We are not putting an end to us, I'm not going to let you."

She snickered, "really, and what are you going to do to stop me."

They stood facing each other, the unbending will of two passionate, heartbroken lovers gauging and testing the others' response.


	23. Chapter 23

**Ch 23**

_We're heading for something_

_Somewhere I've never been_

_Sometimes I am frightened_

_But I'm ready to learn_

_Of the power of love_

Meredith glowered at him, silently daring him to contradict her.

Derek's first reaction was to be angry at her stance, as she stood in front of the desk, left hand at her waist and openly defiant. But it lasted only seconds as he remembered not only the reasons he wanted to speak to her, but the look of sadness and dejection he'd seen in her eyes moments earlier, before she'd walked away from him.

"I'm going to do everything," he said as he walked towards her, watching her shift nervously from one foot to the other, "in my power to remind you what we mean to each other."

His body is barely inches away from hers. Her emotions betraying every ounce of common sense to push him away, and unable to hide how much she truly does care, she allows herself the temporary respite from heartbreak.

"Over and over again," he murmured huskily as his mouth swooped down to devour her lips.

She reacted instinctively, giving in to the forcefulness of his kiss, parting her lips to allow his tongue to ravish her, over and over again. Then, his kiss became gentle and every touch a tender caress as he attempted to show her with his mouth and his hands how much he loved her, how much he regretted the pain he'd caused her.

Meredith wanted desperately to just give in and stay in this blissful moment forever, but the harsh reality of his betrayal would not be appeased, and she stopped him, pushing him away abruptly.

"You think," she muttered with a raspy voice, "that is going to make me forget everything that's happened?"

"No," he said, giving her 'their' look, "but, I'm hoping you'll at least give me a chance to explain things to you."

She laughed, mocking him, as she attempted but failed to be released from his embrace, "explain, you want to explain… what Derek, how you held her in your arms last night as well, and kissed her."

"I did not kiss her last night. I told you I kissed her once, and I'm sorry, I wish I could

go back and change that, but I can't. All I can do is ask you to forgive me."

"So, the rumors all over the hospital are not true," she taunted. "You did not kiss her last night in the parking lot."

"Why the hell are you listening to rumors?"

"You're not answering my question," she challenged, surprised that she could talk to him about this without reaching out and slapping him, and totally breaking down.

"I walked her to her car, and she leaned in and kissed me," he said very quietly.

"And you let her!?" she said, pushing him away angrily and walking towards the door.

He closed the distance between them instantly, preventing any possibility of her walking out the door without them finishing the conversation.

"Damn it, I did not kiss her back."

She was not about to stop now. "Why did you walk her to her car?"

"You knew I asked her to dinner," he said, and he instantly recognized the pitfall.

"I knew you asked her to dinner, I did not know you took her out to dinner."

"Well, you would know if you'd talked to me last night," he told her angrily.

"Seriously…how is this about me not talking to you last night?"

"I tried to call you. Three times, I tried to call and I came over, and you wouldn't see me," he said almost pouting.

She looked at him and almost laughed, he was pouting. Dr. Bailey was right, he was like a kid. She caught herself, she was not going to back down, and she was shocked she could even find humor in this entire situation. She figured stress took a huge toll on your emotions, because there was no other explanation for wanting to laugh at him right now.

"Derek, none of that changes the facts, so in case you've forgotten, let me remind you.

You kissed her, you showed me house plans and you broke up with me. I came to you and was willing to put things behind us, but she walked in to remind you about dinner. So, how is this about me not answering your phone calls or seeing you last night?"

"If you had listened to me, instead of leaving my office last night, I would have talked to her, and told her I couldn't have dinner with her… I asked you to wait, to let me fix it."

"Do you have any idea how lame that sounds," she stated, having regained her original anger. "The point is you should never have asked her out to begin with, and then even after we spoke, after I was with you…trying to reconcile things between us…you chose to go out to dinner with her, and you kissed her, apparently in front of the entire parking lot!"

"Meredith… please, let's not do this. I screwed up. I admit it. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I hurt you. But. I don't want to end this between us, I'm not going to let you."

"You should have thought about that when you went through your dinner plans."

"I was going to cancel, I told her I couldn't go, but she was friendly and she said she was a good listener, and she understood and she said she could give me a woman's perspective."

"Oh, my God, can you really be that stupid. You bought all that, she would give you a woman's perspective."

"I didn't know what to do, you wouldn't talk to me… I though it might help, I told her I knew I was probably pushing you too hard."

"You talked to her about me?" she yelled.

"She got it, she understood, she said that maybe I was pushing you too hard."

"You total moron, how could you discuss our …personal… us….me...with that … woman…that….thing."

"Meredith, it wasn't like that, I mean she actually had a good perspective… she made me realize, and I told her, you're the love of my life."

"She made you realize…"she accused him, "you did not know this before!"

"Mer, you're twisting my words."

"I'd like to twist you into a pretzel, you insensitive ass."

She turned away from him, and he could tell she was trying not to cry. He really didn't know what had just happened, this was not the way he envisioned their conversation.

He put his hands on her shoulder, and turned her around to face him.

"I'm sorry. I do not want to fight with you. I want us to have a chance, to make things work between us."

"You really hurt me, and you … and her…it's all over the hospital," she said looking down. "Did you, or did you not tell her you enjoyed kissing her last night?"

"No I didn't tell her that last night," he said, evasive enough for her to pick up on it.

"You didn't tell her last night, so when did you tell her that, the first time you kissed her?" she accused, "and how Derek, how is that kiss different that the one you shared with me?"

"Meredith," he said as he gently cupped her chin and raised her face to meet his gaze.

"How can you compare that? Didn't our kiss tell you anything, didn't it show you how I feel?"

"That kiss only tells me there's chemistry between us," she said flippantly, "I've never denied that, hell I took you home the first night we met."

"Don't you dare," he told her in a menacing tone, "try to undermine what we feel for each other, you damn well know there's always been more between us, from that first night. I love you, God damn it and you know it."

"Really, Derek, I know you love me? And how do I know that now? Because, you say you love me, but it doesn't seem to be enough. It wasn't enough for you to want to wait for me."

If he didn't know better, he'd swear he was talking to two different women.

"Meredith, I know you are not being receptive to anything I'm saying now, but please…even though I've been an ass… please, you do know that I do love you, and I am obviously not doing a very good job of showing you that right now. But I am sorry, so sorry that I've hurt you."

"You've had a really funny way of showing me that in the last 48 hours," she said, without even attempting to keep the tears from rolling down her face.

"Tell me," he begged her, as he reached out to her, "tell me what I need to do, tell me what you need from me…what I need to do to make you believe me… to make you trust me?"

"I don't know…but…stop…" she cried softly, "stop hurting me."

Derek stood, at a complete loss of words, in minutes he'd seen her emotions and mood change so often, he didn't know what end was up. It could actually have been funny, if it wasn't their future that hung in the balance. He had absolutely no clue what he was going to do next.

_A/N Thanks for the comments, didn't really want to keep posting unless there were 5 reviews per chapter...but there's 10 between the last 2, so here goes...hope you like it, I was a bit uncertain of how it would read, but it sets the tone for the rest of the story, if you read between the lines, and yes, the lyrics are indicative of their feelings, but it won'd let me post it single spaced._


	24. Chapter 24

**Ch 24 **

He was responsible for the hurt look in her eyes, and hated himself for it. There was no fight left in her at that moment, and he sensed she would not push him away as he gathered her close to his chest and embraced her, letting her cry softy against him.

She knew she should push him away, but all she wanted was to lose herself in his arms and pretend nothing had happened. Pretend that she belonged somewhere, that he was holding her and yesterday had not happened, and they were simply enjoying the fact that they were happy dating only each other.

"I don't want to hurt you anymore," he murmured softly in her ear, "and I will always regret hurting you today. But," he said, while gently stroking her hair, "if not hurting you means that I'm supposed to let you walk away from me, then I'm sorry, I can't do that."

She pushed him away and looked into his eyes, "you had no trouble walking away from me yesterday…straight into another woman's arms."

She was doing it again. Once second, seemingly complacent in his arms, the next ready to drive him away.

"I told you, I thought it was over, that you didn't want me. You wouldn't let me talk to you, you walked away from me, I had no idea what you were feeling."

"It was convenient Derek, convenient for you to break up with me… you had already kissed her…" she paused trying to speak past the lump forming in her throat, "why not take it to the next step," she told him, while at the same time feeling herself falling apart at the possibility that could be exactly what would happen.

"I can't believe this…why won't you listen to me?"

"I've listened. I just haven't heard anything to make me change my mind."

He pushed his hair back and paced the small confines of the room, attempting and failing to get his increasing aggravation under control, " do you think you have the corner marketed on hurting….don't you think you're hurting me… each time your turn me away, each time you put obstacles in our way…don't you think that hurts me too?"

"I came to you and told you what I wanted…that I was scared," she said and looked at him, unshed tears pooling in her eyes, "it took a hell of lot of effort…and that wasn't enough for you…you still chose her…"

"Meredith, I didn't choose her, it was a one time thing. One God forsaken kiss I will regret the rest of my life. I told her…last night … I told her... you're the love of my life. Does the fact that I love you mean nothing to you?"

"Did it mean anything to you? You walked away from me, again, and before the day was out you were asking her to go out… taking her out to dinner... and kissing her…oh, sorry," she said sarcastically, "not kissing her, but allowing her to kiss you…did loving…did…"she paused, suddenly feeling nauseous at the though, the reality of him kissing someone else, "did loving me mean anything to you then?"

"Meredith, don't do this… don't throw it all away," he pleaded with tears in his eyes.

"I didn't… you did."

"Meredith, I'll do anything…please… just tell me…"

"Words… Derek…words just don't mean anything… not anymore."

"Mer…please…"

She could see the anguish in his eyes, in his voice, but she knew it wasn't enough this time, he was going to have to give her more than words.

"You were right… the fighting… the back and forth, I can't …I can't do it either…not anymore."

He didn't have enough time to react as she walked to the door and slipped away. She'd walked out of his life without looking back.

Derek Shepherd was a broken man. Lost in the agony of his own making.

-----------------------

"Hello ladies… how is our 'GS' pool coming along?"

"Dr. Sloan, you are truly incorrigible… betting and gossiping against your own friend," she teased, "and, d would that be Grey Shepherd pool you're talking about?"

"None other, AmyLynn…what's new on that front?"

"Well, Tyler and Debbie filled us in on last night's detail and he's going to have to work really hard to get himself out of this hole. Because, while they were here at this station, at the beginning of their afternoon shift, seems like Dr. Shepherd came over and spoke to Dr. Grey, and it looked promising for a while when he took her inside the quiet room."

"Really," he said, raising an eyebrow, "and just how long was it quiet inside that room?"

"Sorry to disappoint you, but they were apparently in there for quite a while, but when Dr. Grey came out, she had been crying, and Dr. Shepherd was in there for a bit longer, and his eyes were red rimmed as well."

"Well, that didn't go very well… but uhmm…we'll see. Hey ….Amy…now that the club against me seems to be on the back burner… how about you join me for a drink tonight?"

"AmyLynn, you can't possibly be considering going over to the dark side, now can you?" they heard a voice speak up suddenly.

"Lisette, I'm not about to lose my bet on that end…but a girl can have her fun," she winked at Mark.

"Excuse me… ladies… what bet would that be?"

"How long it takes you to convince Dr. Hahn to go out with you."

Both women laughed out loud "Dr. Sloan, that look on your face right now priceless… and would almost be worth losing that be."

Without missing a beat, he said, "and, how long did you bet that accomplishment would take ladies?"

Both nurses laughed a little too long for his ego, and then to make it worse, responded simultaneously, "when hell freezes over."

"I see… well then, AmyLynn, how about a drink at Joe's tonight?"

"You're on…shift ends at 7, and this should be a very interesting evening."

----------------

Before the end of her shift, Meredith stopped to check in on Tuck's condition.

"Dr. Bailey, I'm off in a bit, but is there anything you need, before I leave?"

"Thank you. He's had a very good day and I've got it all covered. His father is going to be here and spend some time with him in a while."

"Ok… good night Dr. Bailey."

"Grey, you need to get some rest tonight."

"Yes, ma'am … I'll try."

Several minutes later Meredith had changed and was ready to leave the hospital, when she was intercepted by Cristina, Alex and Izzie.

"Let's go Grey, we're going to Joe's," Alex was the first to speak, as he led her to his car.

"I'm going home."

"Mer, you've been moping around all day, you're going to Joe's where there's a full bottle waiting for you. So move."

"Cristina, I'm not in the mood for any of this, and you guys were total jerks at lunch. I'm just going home."

"Mer, it's either Joe's or taking you home and forcing you to help me bake. Take your pick, it could get ugly."

She was surprised when they got to Joe's that George and Lexie were already sitting at a table, and waved them over.

"Bambi go get us some drinks."

"Stop calling me that Cristina."

"Oh, get over it. C'mon, let's go, it's not for me, it's for Mer. Lexie don't let her out of your sight, she might slip out on us."

"Mer, are you ok?" Lexie asked when they were alone, as Izzie and Alex had gone over to the jukebox.

"No… I'm not."

"Whenever you're ready…whenever…you want… need … to talk…"

"I know…you're really good at listening…"

"Yeah… and the family stuff."

Cristina and George were back with their drinks and soon all 6 were at the table.

"Ok… people…since Mer is kind of pissed at us for not telling her what was going on at lunch, I think it's only fair that we do it now. So, a toast…to the demise of Mcdreamy."

Meredith stared at her in disbelief. How could Cristina be so tactless.

"Dr. Yang…Cristina," Lexie and Izzie voiced simultaneously.

"What…I'm just bringing her up to date on the hospital betting pool."

"What are you talking about Cristina? And let me tell you if you're my person, I'd hate to think what the others are saying about me…about Derek…and I…"

"Chill Mer… the bet is on how long it will take that ass to gain back his Mcdreamy status."

"You know what, I'm leaving," Meredith said as she started to rise.

"Sit your ass down, you're not going anywhere. Have your shot, that should cheer you up."

"I'm sorry … I really don't feel like toasting…to that…and bets behind my back…"

She felt Lexie's hand gently on her arm. "Well, I'm starving… Mer, I bet you didn't eat all day, let's order something and I bet… sorry… no pun intended…that shot of tequila will be a lot more appetizing."

Temporarily appeased, she realized she hadn't eaten all day and ordered a bacon cheeseburger and fries, and decided to make the best of the evening.

---------------------

"Well, well, look what the cat dragged in."

"Miranda, I'm in no mood for sarcasm. I came to see how Tuck's doing and if you needed anything before I left for the night."

"Isn't that something….two fools… that can't get their act together, yet they come in and offer the same damn thing, and end up going home alone without the other."

Ignoring her comments, he said, "how's your son, and is there anything I can do?

"I'll tell you the same thing I told her. He's fine, and I've got it covered. Except I didn't call her stupid."

"Look I realize you're trying to help…but…

"Don't give me that …from the look of things, it seem like I was wrong…there's not a bit of mcdreamy let in you…and the entire hospital is right… I'm tempted to place a bet against you myself."

"I'm glad everything is fine," he stated curtly, and started to walk away."

"Shepherd, don't be a fool. That girl is hurting, find her and make it right."

"I already tried."

"Then, Derek, you're not trying hard enough. Figure it out." 

"Good night Miranda."

"Good night Derek, get some rest, and you know, if you want to find her tonight."

"What is this…Bailey the matchmaker… it doesn't suit you."

"That's where you're wrong…I'm multi-talented… and I know everything."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"Shepherd, try Joe's…Cristina was here earlier. They're dragging her there, to cheer her up."


	25. Chapter 25

Ch 25

Mark entered the bar and headed for the table with four amused looking nurses, while noticing Joe's was unusually crowded for that night of the week.

"Having fun ladies?"

"Dr. Sloan… it's always a pleasure just watching you walk."

"All bark and no bite, Amy...?"

"There's plenty of bites… and nibbling… if… you're up to the challenge…"

"Just as I thought, no self control…so you brought reinforcements," he winked at the other 3 nurses, and all five of them laughed.

"You're lucky we're not supporting the NAMS club right now…and allowing us to join us."

"Tracy, you're just jealous you didn't agree to have drinks with me first."

"In your dreams," she teased with lighthearted banter.

"Well, we could arrange that…I've been known… "

"Oh, no," Steph interrupted, "look who is walking in and Dr. Grey is sitting at the other table."

"I don't know how Dr. Grey can remain so calm. I'd want to tear her hair out and wipe that smile off her face. That woman, just makes me son angry, she knew, we all did that Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd were together, and still… I tell you, I don't believe he kissed her at all."

"C'mon Lisette, Debbie & Tyler saw them."

"Well Tracy, I'm not so sure whose side they're on."

"You really have taken sides on this, haven't you?" Mark asked, "it's not just about the bet."

"No, it's not just the bet. Dr. Grey's had such a hard time this past year. I mean, when she first got here, and started dating an attending, most of us thought she was getting favored for sleeping with him."

"I agree with Tracy, and even though she's very private… well, other than the relationship with Dr. Shepherd, she is a genuinely nice person and very caring to her patients."

"How can that stupid woman interfere, seriously…when you see them together, they light up a room."

"Not only that, the way he looks at her with … that Mcdreamy smile… even when gossip's all over the hospital about their…what did they call it, sex and mockery, you just know they love each other."

"Well, mark my words," Steph commented, "that bitch is going to find out soon enough she doesn't have a chance in hell."

Mark burst out laughing, "of all the tables… I end up with the happily ever after foursome."

"We think there's a bit of a softie in you too…" Tracy winked at him, "we just have to wait and see what side of you Dr. Hahn is going to give in to."

Peaking his interest he asked, "so, you do think she's going to give in to me?"

"We'll just have to wait and see."

Unexpectedly, a tall handsome blonde haired man was by Amy's side and leaned down to kiss her. "Ready to go home honey?"

"Absolutely, gorgeous."

"So…you had no intention of going home with me I see…?"

"None at all…my husband's more than enough for me….just thought it would be fun to tease…the… man…"

"Manwhore…" Mark laughed, "don't worry, no offense taken."

"Stick around Amy, the fun's about to begin," Lisette said suddenly, as they saw Derek walking down the steps to Joe's."

Mark looked up, and formulated a plan of his own. Yes, he was going to have fun.

"Ladies, watch a master at work," Mark said as he grabbed his drink and rose to walk over to the table where Meredith was sitting.

Derek walked in and quickly glanced around looking for Meredith, then made his way to the bar asking for his usual double scotch single malt and a shot of tequila.

It could have been his imagination, but it suddenly seemed that the noise level dropped several decibels.

"My favorite dirty mistress….how about we give Shep a run for his money?"

"Dr. Sloan, I'm in no mood."

"Come on…Grey, let's have a little fun… make Shep jealous."

"I'm not interested in games right now."

"Well, you may not be, but the rest of the hospital … and this bar, certainly are."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

"The bets, Grey… the bets."

The rest of the group at the table had been quiet, and now joined in.

"Really Mer, get that sad pathetic look of your face," Cristina told her.

"Dr. Yang…I don't think Mer needs any more comments like that."

"So, the little sister is a warrior…and taking on Yang," Mark quipped.

"I've had it… being talked about… and that's it, Lexie, move, let me get up."

"Grey," Mark said, "you're not going anywhere. Right now, you've got a whole bar watching you and Derek, and I'd bet money they're wondering where he's going to go to, who he's going to acknowledge. And I know he's been an ass, but I also know my friend, and I expect he's going to head right this way."

"Yeah, right," Cristina snorted, "he broke up with Mer and went out with the nurse last night and he's going to come here."

"That's a bit harsh Yang, even for you," Mark commented.

"Meredith, take that look of your face and flirt with me."

"What?"

"Told you, let's make Shep jealous..."

" I have no interest…. no interest… at all, in what he does anymore… or making him jealous…''

"Oh here we go, denial," Izzie muttered.

Mark leaned down very closely and whispered in her ear, "you care Meredith, and so does he."

Derek chose that moment to turn around, and looked over to her table, and saw Mark whispering in her ear. He could feel his temper rising, and wanted to go smack the smile of his face, but that would hardly accomplish his goal with Meredith, and he knew Mark was flirting with her purposely.

He walked towards her table and was briefly interrupted, "Derek, would you like to join us?"

Politely he responded and addressed the three women, "Thank you, but I have plans. Ladies, have a nice evening."

The dark haired scrub nurse was stunned by his curtness.

"Well, Rose, if that wasn't the 'cut direct'... don't know what would be."

"Oh, please, you're quoting regency romance novels."

"Rose, you're the one wearing that engagement ring around your neck, so if anyone would know about regency romances, we'd have to come to you," one of the women teased her.

Derek finally reached his destination, and immediately felt the mounting tension thick enough to be cut with a knife, in addition to the silent treatment.

"Shep old boy, good of you to join us."

Meredith attempted to get up, when she felt a strong hand on her shoulder and a whisper in her ear. "don't get up."

"Lexie, do you mind, if I sit next to Meredith?"

Everyone looked at him as though he'd suddenly grown two heads.

"Dr. Shepherd… I don't think… well, I don't think…that's what she wants."

"I brought you a drink," he said as he placed the glass of tequila in front of her.

"I already have one."

"One's never been enough."

"It is tonight, I don't your drink."

"Lexie," he said cocking his head just a bit and smiling, though a good observer would have seen the tension in his expression, "I thought we agreed to Derek."

"You know what… I don't want to sit next to you… in fact…I was just getting ready to leave… go ahead… flirt with her...flirt with my sister…it wouldn't be the first time."

Lexie gave him a warning look, but got up allowing Derek to sit next to Meredith, effectively keeping her from leaving.

"Listen to me, I know the last thing you want is to talk to me," he said, as he felt her becoming more rigid, "but, you're going to have to, at the very least listen to me."

She turned and glared at him, "seriously…"

"Yes, seriously."

The entire bar seemed to be focusing their attention on one table, rather two, as they also watched the reactions where the dark haired scrub nurse sat with her two friends.

Derek and Meredith glared at each other, and the rest of the group badly pretended to make small talk.

"I know," he said very softly, "and I understand that you don't want me sitting here or to listen to me. But right now, this entire bar and the God damn hospital is hell bent on bent on making us the center of their gossip and rumor mill, not to mention placing bets on us."

"I know," she acknowledged as she lowered her head, and her admission tore at his emotions.

"With the exception of Lexie," he continued, "and as of fifteen minutes ago, possibly Bailey, everyone, including those at this table, have already placed their money against me."

The group was talking with enough pauses between their conversation to ensure at least one of them kept track of what Meredith and Derek were saying to each other.

They heard a few throats clearing, before she surprised them all, "you're right, they already have, so tell me… each one of you… how much and what exactly did you bet on?"

"I didn't bet, Mer, I wouldn't bet…"

"Oh Bambi, you're such a wuzz."

"Cristina, go ahead, you tell me… what did you bet? And really, is that the best you can do? A wuzz, I haven't heard that since 'Friends'."

Derek watched her, perplexed by her mood change, but refrained from further comment.

"Mer, really, it's not important," Izzie commented.

"It's not important, seriously… all you so called friends are adding fuel to the fire by placing bets on Derek and I….and… you can't even own up to what you did?"

"I've no problems admitting I placed 50 bucks…on 23 days," Mark stated.

"Twenty-three days!" Derek and Meredith exclaimed simultaneously. They looked at each other and inexplicably burst out laughing. For the first time that day, and for a very fleeting moment you could see the first signs of hope in the reflection of their eyes.

"Sloan, dude are you nuts, these two won't be able to hold out, I bet 12 days."

"Yang, Stevens, cough it up what did you bet?" Alex insisted.

Cristina muttered, "17 days."

"Barbie, I've come clean," Cristina said.

"Fine…6 days…"

"Stevens, come on, that's not giving her a lot of credit," Mark interrupted.

"Maybe, Dr. Sloan, but you don't spend the night at our house in need of earplugs."

"You people have no faith in me…seriously…you think I'm going to succumb to his charm…well, if you want to win your bets, I'll tell you how long it's going to take…"

She realized what she had said as soon as she saw the amused expression on Derek's and Mark's faces.

"Yes, Grey, do tell us, how long is it going to take?"

"Oh…forget it…that's not what I meant… I just meant…"

"Mer," Derek interrupted, again, reaching out for her hand under the table. "How long? How long is it going to take…to forgive me?"

"I'm not… I'm not going to forgive you…if it's up to me, you'll never regain that stupid…mcdreamy…crap again," and even she recognized how unconvincing she sounded, while her hand remained in his.

Lexie sat watching the exchange, and noticing the relative calmness Meredith briefly experienced, she smiled. She knew she hadn't been wrong in letting him sit next to her.

"Meredith, leave with me."

"What? Are you crazy, haven't you heard anything I've said all day?"

"Meredith," he whispered for her to hear only, "walk out with me, that's all I ask. I didn't choose her, I'm choosing you…and no matter what they say, and what they bet, or what they think they saw…yesterday, tonight, I want everyone to know I'm choosing you…only you."

She felt her heart flutter and stop, and caught herself before she fell under his spell.

"But, you didn't... not last night, not when it mattered," she said accusingly.

"Tonight, just tonight, let's not give them any more bits for speculation. Walk out with me…please."

She took a deep breath and nodded. "O.K."

Mark patted him on the shoulder, "she may be walking out with you, but looks like you have your work cut out for you, my friend."

"Looks like I do."

Derek placed his hand at the small of her back, and led her towards the front door. The level of noise rose sharply upon their departure.

He reached for her hand as they climbed the stairs, and she did not pull away.

"I walked out with you, because what you said made sense. But, this does not change anything between us."

"I know, Meredith. I know."

"Thank you, though, it was thoughtful of you," she said looking at him intensely.

'I just wanted to make sure you were ok, and I didn't want you to be subjected to any more…"

She interrupted, "we've broken up Derek, that hasn't changed."

"I get it. Will you be ok, getting home?"

"Yes…I…didn't drink…I'm fine."

"Of course."

Their gazes locked, eyes glimmering as neither was able to hide their emotions.

"You're fine." He swallowed past the lump in his throat.

She took a deep breath, and without looking away, whispered softly…"I'm …I'm falling apart."

"So am I…" he admitted, as he gathered her in his arms and held her taking in the lavender of her hair and her own very unique scent that would later haunt him.

She allowed him to hold her briefly before pulling away.

"Good night Derek."

"Good night Meredith," he said as he watched her walk away, and remembered the tears in her eyes.


	26. Chapter 26

Ch 26

He watched her drive away before starting his car and heading home. His long drive took place in total silence, except for the sound of her voice, her giggle, her laugh as hundreds of images of happier moments refused to be silenced.

He loved her with a passion and intensity he'd never felt before in his life. Suddenly he shivered and without understanding why, he knew today had been a mere glimpse into the future, and the obstacles they would need to overcome. He knew their estrangement was far from over, and as much as he desperately wanted to resolve their situation, he had no idea how or what he could do to change it. It almost felt as though he was a puppet, and hidden forces were controlling their immediate destiny.

Meredith drove home grateful to finally be alone, away from the noise at Joe's and the somewhat well meaning attempts of her friends to cheer her up. She allowed herself to recall brief moments of humor with Mark's failed initiative to make Derek jealous and labeling Lexie a warrior, as well as Izzie's earplugs comment regarding her bet.

She loved him. There was no sense denying it, at least not to herself. She'd told him he had not seen any of her efforts in the last few months, and she guessed she needed to start reminding herself not to revert to her typical state of avoidance. Her life has been crap, for the most part, and things did not usually work out to be bright and shiny, in fact she had to recognize dark and twisty seemed to be always looming around the corner, ready to knock on her door and burst in like a tornado, leaving destruction in its path. At least, that's certainly been the case of the last year. He may not see it, but she was determined to move forward, and there was no going back. She just had to fight this feeling that their struggles were far from over, and wished she knew what to do next.

She wasn't ready to let him go, even if he didn't know it. But, if he really did love her, as he claimed, which was hard to believe right now, he was going to have to show her, not just tell her all those dreamy and heart stopping passages of beautiful words. Derek Shepherd was going to have to prove to her he meant what he said, and she wasn't going to make it easy for him, no matter how weak she became with his proximity.

He'd hurt her and wasn't even owning up to that, trying to blame her, but she was willing…she was…willing to keep an open mind, and if he played his cards right, give him another chance.

The last few minutes of her drive home, she remembered, most of all, what it felt like to have him reach for her hand and the comfort of his embrace, as she allowed herself to give in to the pleasure of his touch.

She drove up to the house, and sat in the car a few minutes realizing her thoughts and feelings had been all over the place tonight, and suddenly, had no control over the tears that began to slide down her cheeks.

Derek awoke in a cold sweat, and all he could recall was the paralyzing fear of loosing her. He sat up in bed, after what had seemed hours of reliving her accident, pulling her blue tinged body out of the water, breathing into her trying to bring her back to life. That had been followed by the images over and over again of the look on her face when he'd told her he couldn't…didn't want to breath for her anymore. Finally, he was able to force himself to wake up from the nightmare.

Meredith tried in vain to fall asleep. It was no use, for weeks she'd been having trouble sleeping, and this situation with Derek was certainly not helping. She didn't know why, but she kept thinking of the night, at his trailer when he'd told her he couldn't …didn't want to breather for her anymore, and she couldn't stop the quiet sobs. She was startled by the ring of her cell phone, and picked up on the first ring.

"Are you ok?" she heard his voice, agitated and concerned.

"Derek, it's two in the morning."

"Why aren't you asleep?"

"Why aren't you?"

"I was…but…had this…I just needed to hear your voice…to know you're ok."

"I am."

"You've been crying."

"No…no I wasn't, just couldn't sleep."

"I'm sorry… I know I'm making you unhappy."

"Why did you think something was wrong?'

"Nothing… just a nightmare."

"Derek…you woke me up at 2 in the morning."

"I though you weren't asleep."

"That's not the point."

"I know… I'm sorry, I shouldn't have called."

"It's ok…tell me…"

"The day you drowned."

"Oh…"

"Mer, why were you crying?"

He could hear her sniffle, "I was thinking…the night…the night… you let me leave."

He felt the guilt wash over him completely, before he said, "Meredith…I do love you."

"Good night Derek," she said softly, but with an overwhelming sense of sadness.

She finally cried herself to sleep, yet inexplicably, as she felt herself give in to exhaustion, she had this overwhelming feeling of hope. She closed her eyes succumbing to the gentle warmth of a dream, and hours later when she woke, there was this image, one she could almost reach out and touch, a snapshot to be engraved in her memory, forever…a picture of a house overlooking a spectacular view and the sounds of children giggling, and a stronger hearty laugh followed by a whiff of his scent, and then as if answering to her name being called, she looked up from her seat on a rocking chair and met the intense blue of his gaze.

-------------------

"Well, if it isn't my favorite dirty mistress, two mornings in a row."

She couldn't help but smile as she entered the elevator. "Dr. Sloan, how are you this morning? Did you leave your harem behind at Joe's?"

"Don't underestimate the persuasive powers of Mark Sloan," he winked at her, and suddenly became serious when Erica Hahn entered the elevator on the next floor.

"Good morning pretty, where's prettier today?"

Mark let out a hearty laugh as he exited the elevator with Meredith.

"Grey, you look like hell…guess Shep's still in the doghouse."

"Dr. Sloan… I know you tried to help…but…this…"

"Don't you think it's time you called me Mark…we're friends, we're on the same side."

"Oh we are, and what side is that? Since I seem to recall you have a bet to win?"

"You wound me Grey… I'm on your side... well, not your side but yours and Shep's"

"Just like you were on his side when you slept with his wife."

"Ouch… but…hey, glad to see feisty' back… much better than the gloomy face."

"Have a good day Dr… Mark," she told him as she headed for the resident's lounge, and watched as he stopped at the nurse's station.

"Good morning ladies…"

"Good morning Dr.Sloan."

"Amy, you look like you had a satisfying evening," he winked at her.

"The very best."

"What's the verdict this morning?"

"Too early to tell…they're waiting to see the look on their faces this morning."

"Well, if that's the case… don't think there was much progress, Grey looks like crap."

Seconds later, Derek approached the desk, "good morning ladies, Mark. I need the chart for Henderson," and walked away when it was handed to him.

"Well, I think we can effectively say, there was absolutely no progress last night."

"Dr. Sloan, I wouldn't be too sure about that."

"Tracy, believe me…I saw the look on them both…"

"Call it woman's intuition."

"Tracy, that could be an interesting subject over dinner…how about it, care to join me tonight?"

"Provided you can come up with different techniques….than say… Olivia has…uhmm...experienced…I might be willing to consider that," she teased.

"Damn… there are no secrets in this hospital," he winked. "You're on," he said as he walked away smiling.

------------------------------

"Mer, you look like crap, and it doesn't look like Mcdreamy induced lack of sleep."

"Cristina," she snapped, "stop being such a bitch. A little support from you would be nice."

"Mer, you want touchy-feely? This is me…what the hell's wrong with you?"

"You're supposed to be my person… and that's what persons…do…a little support," she said and walked away to change into her scrubs.

"Dude, what the hell was that?"

"Given we didn't need earplugs last night," said Izzie, "it's a safe bet things with Mcdreamy did not go so well."

"I can still hear you know," Meredith said from the other side of the room, "but I guess a little support is too much to ask from money grubbing bet makers," and walked out of the lounge.

"Ok, what just happened? Cristina, she walked out without waiting for assignments."

"Barbie, I'd say we're better off just keeping our distance today."

"You women and PMS."

"Stuff it Karev."

Meredith reached the nurse's station to grab her charts and meet her interns, and realized she'd walked out before the briefing, and had no idea what precipitated her outburst. Except Cristina really had been callous last night and she was sick of her life being the subject of bets and rumors, and especially resented that from her friends. .

"You're back."

"Of course I'm back, briefing's in five minutes."

All three looked at each other and decided to ignore the last conversation. Clearly, this situation with Shepherd was taking its toll on their friend.

Mid morning brought Meredith and Derek face to face as they passed each other in a hallway. Caught in the intimacy of the moments that followed, neither paid attention to the looks sent their way nor the proximity of interested and indiscreet parties.

"Meredith," he said softly as he faced her.

"Hey."

"You look tired," he said with concern in his voice.

"So do you. Were you able to sleep ok last night?"

"I slept for a couple of hours, after we talked."

Without hesitation she placed her hand gently on his arm, and asked, "no more nightmares?"

"No…were you able to sleep?"

"A little," she smiled.

"You're smiling; I take it no nightmares for you either."

"No…I actually think I had the most wonderful dream."

"You think? You don't remember," he teased lightly, brushing a strand of hair behind her ear.

"No… I know…I do…remember," she said and before walking away, unexpectedly leaned forward and gently brushed his lips with hers.


	27. Chapter 27

CH 27

The usual lunch crowd had the cafeteria buzzing with activity, making the seating arrangement decision a very practical one, even if she was still annoyed with some of her friends.

"Hey guys," Meredith greeted as she joined George, Lexie, Izzie and Alex. "I'm absolutely starving, so don't even think about stealing any food."

"Look at this... Bambi, Barbie, Evil Spawn and Xena protecting Dark and Twisty."

"Cristina! I've really had it with your crap, if you can't say something nice, than just shut the hell up."

"Mer, you really need to get a grip, this thing with McDreamy is making you very moody."

"Enough! Seriously…if you can't even pretend to be supportive, than just leave."

"Fine, I'll refrain."

"Thank you, and who the hell is Xena?"

"Dude, Xena the warrior princess!"

"Yeah?"

"Xena…Lexie, the warrior…protecting her sister."

"Well, at least that's better than money grubbing bet makers..." she paused trying to think of another insult, "and…and persons who think babies are toxic."

"Mer, leave the sarcasm to me. Really, it doesn't suit you."

"You see what I mean…Cristina, it wouldn't kill you to pretend you're on my side here…"

"Mer, we're all on your side," George interrupted.

"No, George you're not, not when you go around placing bets behind my back, and making comments that can do nothing other than hurt my feelings."

"Ok... Meredith, this…this is even freaking me out… what the hell is wrong with you… talking about hurt feelings and all this other crap, we're made of stronger stuff than that."

"Seriously…seriously…the man I love kisses a nurse and breaks up with me, and it's all over this god damn hospital… and you don't think I'm entitled to hurt feelings…"

"Dude, she just admitted she loves McDreamy."

"Alex, leave her alone," Lexie said as she swatted his arm.

"Don't bother, they're all just a bunch of immature teenagers waiting to grow up. I'm going to get dessert," she said, getting up in a huff.

George commented, "she's already eaten her desert," and they all burst out laughing.

"Yeah, you tell her that," Izzie said smiling, "I think it's the lack of 'McDreamy sex' effect.

Lexie observed Meredith quietly, and suddenly gasped, as she saw the scrub nurse enter the cafeteria and head for the cafeteria line. "Alex, go do something, get Mer's tray and offer to pay for it… like a make up gesture… or something… so she doesn't have to run into that woman."

"Why do I have to…"

"False alarm, Rose stopped to talk at that table," George muttered.

Meredith came back to the table oblivious to the minor freak out experienced by her friends. She was not however, spared the obvious interest focused in her direction, when she saw, whom she presumed to be Rose, approach the cash register and join friends at a table across the room. The sudden quick shift in conversation did not go unnoticed and she was grateful.

"So, Mer, did Lexie tell you we're thinking of moving in together?"

"You're what," Izzie jumped in, "you didn't tell me that."

"It has been kind of busy Iz," George told her, "and we just talked about it two days ago, since we both need a place to live."

"You know Mer, we could always give George his room back, and get rid of Evil Spawn," Izzie teased while winking at Alex.

"Are you sure, Lexie, that it's a good idea?"

"Thanks a lot Mer."

"No…George, I don't mean because it's... you… you and Lexie, just not sure... I meant Lex is that what you want... are you sure you want to move out?"

"Yes, I really do…I need a place of my own."

"Ok… just… you know… if you want to talk…talk about it."

"Thanks…maybe we will…"

"We're going to go see a couple of places tonight," George commented.

"Lex, would you like me to come," Meredith asked, surprising herself as well as at the though that maybe, if she had rooms to spare, Lexie could be a good roommate.

"Mer, really…you want to ... I mean…yes… it would be great…and yes…"

"Yeah… I figure I owe you a meal without eggs… so maybe we can grab a bite afterwards…and we can…talk...some more… "

"Ok," she was paged at that moment and got up to leave, "I'll text you the details."

George and Alex got up to leave as well, leaving Meredith, Izzie and Cristina.

"That's kind of surprising…don't you think, I mean George and Lexie, roommates."

"What, are you jealous? Not over him yet?"

"No, Cristina, I'm not jealous, just surprised, he does need a place to live and she's nice."

"Maybe you should move in with him, and let Lexie and Mer continue their bonding marathon."

Izzie was paged and was thankful for the opportunity to leave at that moment. Let these two have it out alone, it seemed to have been building up since last night.

"Cristina, you are my person," Meredith told her, recognizing that she might be feeling a bit left out the last few days, "and I didn't expect to have this relationship with her, but she's nice and she has no one, and she was there for me when I needed her, and it was good to have someone that wasn't being so harsh and judgmental all the time."

"If what you want is someone to agree to your delusional rose colored interpretation of your relationship, than, yeah, she's what you need."

"I'm not asking you or Lexie to agree with me, or see things my way. But it's good to have someone to just listen without constantly criticizing me or belittling my feelings"

"You left with him last night. You're letting him get away with it."

"No, I'm not, and he did that for me. And you see what I mean? You're not really looking Cristina, doesn't it matter to you that I'm hurting. Have you even noticed that I'm barely holding on here…that I'm falling apart and have no idea how I'm going to make it if it's really over between us."

"I certainly don't understand or see any reason why you would be falling apart here. You don't need him."

"No reason… for me to be falling apart," she laughed with just a hint of sarcasm. "You, of all people, you know how I feel about him. Nobody else… nobody knew... till I apparently blurted it out today, nobody knew how I felt about him, and still nobody truly knows what he means to me… but you do, because I told you… I told you weeks ago, I couldn't let go…that I needed him, and even if you don't understand why, and even if you think it makes me weak and pathetic, I do love him… and he doesn't know… and I'm not… I'm not just letting him back in my life… because he's hurt me…hurt me so much it has made me wonder …wonder... so many things as I lay at night unable to sleep…and have panic attacks… but I can't… I can't imagine my life without him… and if you are my person… you'd at least accept that I do feel this way…and that having him choose that nurse over me…would…would devastate me…and make me fall apart…"

"I just don't understand why everything has to depend on him, you've made it this far without him, your entire life you've been on your own."

"Yes, Cristina, I've made it this far without him, and I have made it on my own… but I don't want to be on my own anymore… and I don't even know how to tell him or show him or trust myself enough to want that… and he has caused me so much pain, I'm probably better off without him, but I can't control what I feel… because… I could go on with my life…and I'd survive… but…life without him…the thought of life without him… it's merely existing, and I'm not ready to fully give up on that dreamy picture he's painted… and I don't know if I even have a shot at it… if I'm capable of that… but I do know that I want to try… and that I don't want to lose him," she finished quietly and felt the tears gather in her eyes.

"Ok…Mer…I get it… but… no tears," she said, and for a very brief moment laid her hand on her friends arm.

"Thank you," she said as she blinked rapidly to keep any tears from falling.

Both looked up at the sound of his voice, "Dr. Yang. Meredith…do… do you think we could speak for a few moments," he asked nervously.

"Derek… oh….sure," she smiled, "let me get rid of the tray."

"Go, I'll take it," Cristina told her.

She got up, and allowed herself to be led out of the cafeteria, some onlookers baffled, as he placed his hand on her waist in long established intimacy and familiarity.

They reached a relatively private spot, when she asked him, "is something wrong?"

"No, just wanted to see you."

"Derek, you can't just to that."

"Do what?"

"Walk in the cafeteria, and make me leave…and pretend that everything is still ok between us."

"I didn't make you leave."

"Well, you know what I mean," she looked at him, smiling, and not even attempting to deny that his observation was true.

"You walked away today," he said cocking his head and smiling.

"I had two surgeries back to back."

"Are you going to tell me what your dream was?"

"This is what was so important?" she said, raising her brow slightly.

"C'mon, Mer, I told you mine."

"Someday…" she smiled at him longingly, "I hope so…I hope to tell you…someday."

He noticed her shift slightly and become serious, and glanced in the direction of her gaze.

"She's just a friend Meredith, I promise you, nothing more."

"A friend…are you kidding, you're not friends with women… you… you… get... all McDreamy like… and … you're not…"

"You're rambling…"

"I am not…"

"Uhmm."

"So…I ramble... you already know that…so what…?"

"So what is right…I love your rambles… sometimes," he teased her.

"Don't change the subject."

"I can be friends with women… it's you…. only you I can't be friends with… you… I love… and I want to be all McDreamy like for you… only you I can't keep my hands off."

"Yes… like you did a really good job of that when you kissed… her… twice."

"You're jealous…"

"I don't get jealous... just like you…"

"You remembered…" he teased her, and stroked her cheek with his thumb.

"What are you talking about?"

"Ah… you remembered...I told you I don't get jealous…when you kissed Viper…"

"He kissed me…"

"Exactly… she kissed me…"

"Don't you dare try to turn this around… you kissed her… and you took her to dinner and it's all over this hospital."

Mer…I only want you…"

"You've had a really funny way of showing me that lately…" she pouted.

"Last night, didn't it mean anything… making sure everyone knew I chose you, and now?" he asked her reaching out for her hand.

"They were nice gestures… but, if you think that is enough."

"I know it's not enough…"

"Ok then."

"What is going to be enough? Mer, what do I need to do?"

"I don't know."

"Do you even want me to try? Do you want me to give up?"

She momentarily panicked, when he spoke of giving up. "No...yes… no… I mean, yes I want you to try… no, I don't want you to give up…" she paused, making sure he couldn't see how his questions affected her.

"Derek," she said very softly, and met his gaze, "do you…do you want to give up?"

_AN Hope you are still enjoying this story, and will keep posting any time there's at least 5 reviews on a chapter. The next chapter is ready, and hoping to finish one more tomorrow. Then, with the work week starting, hopefully every other day. Many many thanks to each of you that comment_.


	28. Chapter 28

**Ch 28 Remember this? **

He didn't answer her right away and instead led her to the nearest room that offered some semblance of privacy, in this case a supply closet.

She dreaded what he was going to say, and averting his gaze fidgeted nervously with the wrist band of her watch.

"Please look at me," he said as he placed his thumb on her chin and gently raised it to meet his eyes.

"I told you, I was going to do everything in my power to remind you of what we mean to each other. Do you remember that?"

She looked down again and swallowed, before raising her eyes to meet his again.

"Yes…" she whispered barely audible, "yes…would you like to remind me…again."

They felt each other's smiles as their lips met, softly, gently at first, and then spiraled into kisses full of passion and desire that left them both gasping for air.

"Does…does …did that feel to you like I want to give up," he murmured breathlessly.

"No,' she said, in the same breathless tone.

"Good," he teased, while holding her in his arms, "don't forget it."

He could feel her doubts rising, as her body became less relaxed.

"Derek, but will you…will you …give up… if it gets too hard…because…I want to... I do…I want to just forget everything. But, I can't…not yet…and will you …will you give up then… because, sometimes … I'm lying awake at night…thinking…and I feel like we're back where we first started… and maybe it's really just the chase… except this time…I get this horrible feeling…that I'm not enough for you…and you may be chasing someone else…"

"Shush…" he whispered as he held her close, "stop thinking…and just remember…it was never the chase Meredith…when you have doubts…just remember…this," and brought his lips to hers again.

Minutes later, they forced themselves to pull away from each other, and walked out together holding hands before going their separate ways.

Hours later after a long complicated surgery, Meredith was exhausted and cranky, and was just finishing some charts when she got a text message from Lexie asking that they meet at six in the main lobby. She wished she could just go home and collapse in her bed, but she'd been the one to suggest joining them to look at apartments and have dinner.

She had another hour on her shift and headed to check on her interns, when she came to a full stop as she heard her name mentioned, and though she would come to regret it later, allowed herself to eavesdrop on the conversation taking place.

"Look Rose, we've been friends since you started working here, so I really have to say this, because you're wrong if you think there's any chance anything can come of your relationship with Dr. Shepherd, you're just going to get hurt."

"Olivia, I appreciate your concern, I do, but this is between him and me.

"Rose, that's just it, there can't be any you and him, because he's totally committed to Meredith Grey."

"Oh, you really think that?"

"C'mon Rose, everyone knows those two are together, they may fight and argue, but they always end up back together."

"Maybe they won't this time. Like I said, Olivia, this is between Derek and I."

"Rose, how can you be so blind? Last night he went looking for her at Joe's, they left together, they walked out of the cafeteria together today, and by the way, spent a considerable amount of time locked up in a supply closet this afternoon."

Meredith couldn't believe that even the most minute detail of her relationship with Derek was subject to hospital gossip, and was about to walk away when she heard the nurse speak again.

"He told me it was just something he had to see through, and I understand, it speaks highly of him, he can't just leave her, not after the year she's had."

Meredith felt like her head was spinning out of control, he couldn't have said that, he wouldn't have said that, not after all he'd just said to her. Rose must have misunderstood. She stood frozen, listening to the rest of the conversation.

"Olivia, I'm not the one that went chasing after him. I know he's involved with her, but I did not make the first move, he did."

"Rose, you kissed, once in the scrub room, that's hardly the basis for a relationship. You're fooling yourself; he is clearly in love with Meredith Grey."

Meredith had to do keep reminding herself to breath, she couldn't believe the exchange taking place between the two women.

"Look, I was in one of his surgeries, and he didn't even know my name, and he came looking for me after that to ask my name, I did not go chasing after him; then we kissed in the scrub room, and that could have been the end of it, but he's the one that has been friendly towards me, and I'm not stupid enough to turn away from it. If he's ready to move on from his relationship with Meredith Grey, why should I turn away from that?"

"But Rose, he really loves her, you can see the way those two are around each other, and when she had her accident last year, he was half way out of his mind."

"If everything was so fine between them, he wouldn't be flirting with me. He is the one that came to me to apologize for not being able to pursue things, and than asked me out to dinner that night."

"Wait, he apologized and asked you out to dinner?"

"Yes, Olivia, if you must know. The morning after we first kissed, he came looking for me and told me he was sorry, that the kiss had been unexpected, that he'd liked kissing me, in fact, he said he enjoyed kissing me, but that he was seeing someone and had to see it through."

"Rose, that hardly sounds like he's moving on from his relationship with Dr. Grey."

"Olivia," she stated emphatically, "the fact they broke up is all over this hospital, and he came and asked me to dinner after and told me he was free, so as far as I'm concerned, if felt he had an obligation to her, that is no longer the case the minute he told me he was free."

Meredith had heard enough, she held on to the railing on the wall to keep herself from falling as she felt the dizziness overwhelm her, and made every attempt to breath and prevent another panic attack.

She had another hour, another hour to go she thought, and had no idea how she'd make it through the end of her shift, and did the first thing that came to mind.

"Meredith, what's wrong," Lexie asked with concern as soon as she saw her, and led her to the nearest sitting area.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt your day, I shouldn't have paged… but…"

"It's ok, Mer…accept it…you're my sister…I'm glad you paged…what's wrong, you don't look very good."

"I'm only your half sister…"

"You are my sister."

"I … I …" she said gasping for air, "I couldn't talk to Cristina, she'd just say…I told you so…and I don't want to hear that… I don't… but, he…he…lied to me…again, Lexie, he lied to me again and I let…I let... myself believe him," she whispered staring into the distance.

"What happened, you're talking about Derek?"

"He…lied…he told me…said all these things to me again…just a couple of hours ago…all these things…and then…I find out…I find out…"

"Take a deep breath, now, Meredith, take a deep breath."

She calmed down enough to recount the conversation between Olivia and Rose.

"Meredith, listen to me. I really, really believe that Derek loves you."

"He does not.. not when he acts this way…"

"This may not come off the right way, but just… just bear with me…Derek is a really really good looking guy…McDreamy in fact…and every woman in this hospital would love to get his hands on him…"

"Lexie," she warned, "you've already flirted with him, and that …that did not go very well…so if you want us…you and me… to still try to have a …this... whatever…semi sisterly thing…"

"Oh just shut up and listen to me…I'm not going to flirt with him…I like him… I like him… a lot… Meredith

"I'm not listening to this…" Meredith said as she got up to leave.

"Sit down. I like him a lot…hopefully…one day, as my brother-in-law…but…if you would let me finish…what I'm trying to say… is that every woman in the hospital has the hots for him…let me finish," she said as she saw Meredith was about to interrupt her again, "he has not shown any interest in any woman but you since he's been here… well except his wife… but that really didn't count…so…"

"Lexie…get to the point…God, you really do ramble," Meredith told her irritably.

"My point is…that he flirted with that nurse, and ok he kissed her and it's all over the hospital… but don't you think it would be a really really big blow to her ego…wait…just let me finish…if all of a sudden after jut one kiss… one date… he is making it perfectly obvious to everyone that he wants you…"

"I fail to see the reasoning in that."

"Of course you don't... you're not being rational."

"What is that supposed to mean?"

'It means your jealous."

"I AM NOT."

"Yes, Meredith, you are… and if you stopped to be rational long enough… you might see some of what I'm saying is true… you know, 'hell has no fury…"

Meredith interrupted her, "hell has no what? What does hell have to do with this?"

"Hell has no fury like a woman scorned."

"Leave it to you to come up with something like that."

"I didn't come up with that Mer," she teased, "it's a very well known quote."

"Oh…well, I don't do well with quotes."

"Meredith, I'm just saying, before you jump to conclusions, talk to him. It really sounds like maybe this nurse is just being catty."

"I don't think I like you… you're too damn rational."

"Yeah…well, only when it's about other people's lives."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome. Now I have to go make sure Dr. Yang doesn't get on my case."

"Lexie, would ...would it be ok, if I skip tonight."

"Sure, I understand…it's ok," she said with a hint of disappointment n her voice.

"Lex, just the apartment hunting. Come over for dinner when you're done."

"Oh…but…" she said hesitantly.

"I'm not cooking…we'll order out."

"Ok…I'll come after we see the two places."

Meredith watched as her sister rushed away, and she went on to finish her own shift. Some of what Lexie said made sense, but she had a nagging doubt that only Derek would be able to clear up. The only problem was that if she saw him, she was more likely to want to slap him, than to listen to anything he might have to say. She could not let him get close enough to touch her, because, she though, if she did, she'd have absolutely no willpower to resist him.

_A/N Thanks everyon for reading and your reviews. I said I'd post whatever I had ready anytime there were 5 reviews, so here's part 1 of 2 updates. They will lead to Derek realizing that he cannot be friends with Rose if he expects to work things out with Meredith._


	29. Chapter 29

**Ch 29 - Red hot rage **

"Hey Mer, you don't look too happy, thought McDreamy was starting to gain points."

"Izzie, I'm not going to let him off the hook that easily," she said with a hint of sadness.

"Right. You do know you two are the main gossip attraction around here?"

"Yes, Cristina, I know."

"So, we know you spent a lot of time with him in a supply closet this afternoon."

"That doesn't mean I let him off the hook. We talked."

"Right."

"So," Izzie interrupted what was heading towards another argument, " think you'll join us at Joe's after apartment hunting?"

"Ah…no…not going, Izzie, we're just having dinner afterwards."

"Ok, what did he do now?"

"What are you talking about Cristina?"

"You have that McDreamy screwed up again face."

"I'm just tired. I'm going home and then we'll order take out."

"Mer, c'mon then, join us for drinks at Joe's," Izzie insisted.

"I think she just wants to go home and wallow."

"Cristina! Seriously...what did I say earlier?"

"Fine. No comments about McStupid."

Meredith walked over to change and get ready to leave, when Izzie commented,

"Mer, are you sure everything's ok, you look sad."

"Yes, Iz, I'm fine. I'm just exhausted from lack of sleep, way too many nights in a row."

"Ok…I'll see you at home."

"Yeah. Cristina, see you tomorrow."

"Speaking of McS," Cristina muttered as Derek entered the resident's lounge.

"Yang. Izzie."

"Bye Mer, Dr. Shepherd."

"What was that about?" he said as he walked toward her and attempted to kiss her, but she suddenly pulled away.

"What was what about," she said, a definite coldness in her voice.

"Cristina. McS?"

"Imagine it's for McStupid."

"Ah…Meredith, I can tell you're mad at me here, but I don't have a clue what changed from this afternoon."

She glared at him and remained quiet.

"Ok, we're not doing this. This silent treatment is exactly what gets us into trouble all the time. Talk to me. Tell me what happened since I last saw you."

"Go ask your friend Rose," she said, shrugging her shoulders indifferently. "She seems to be quite well versed about your feelings."

"What are you talking about? Meredith, you're not being rational here."

"Oh…" she said raising her voice considerably, "if one more person talks to me about being rational… I swear I'm just going to…"

"So, I'm not the only one that thinks you're being irrational."

"Don't you dare, Derek Shepherd, don't you dare tell me I'm not being rational… you…you… lied to me again…and….and…I'm finally seeing things as they really are."

"Would you care to share what those things are?"

"I already told you. Go ask Rose."

"Meredith," he said, carefully choosing his next words, "please, talk to me, tell me what it is you think is going on."

"I'm not talking to you…I've had it with talking to you… I've had it with your lies…" she yelled at him.

"Meredith," he said reaching to her shoulders, attempting to hold her in place. "What the hell is going on?"

"What's going on…I'll tell you what's going on. This…this thing … this thing between us, it's over."

He heard her broken sob, and followed her, stopping her before she reached the door.

"Meredith, stop it. What is going on?"

"I know. Damn you… damn you Derek, I know, you …what you told her …you told her…"

He was at a total loss of words. He had no idea what she thought he'd said, but he knew unequivocally that anything he said right now would fall on deaf ears, so he waited, allowing her to continue.

"I know Derek. I know, you… you went… and found her… after... after I'd told you…what I … what I wanted…you went and told her your kiss was unexpected, that you liked kissing her, you enjoyed kissing her…but… but…that you had to see it through," she finished as tears slid down her cheeks.

"Meredith," he murmured coming close to her.

"Don't… don't… touch me" her tears flowed freely at this point, "I am not… I AM NOT an obligation to you… or anyone…you… you have my blessing…you can consider yourself free."

"Meredith," he reached for her attempting to soothe her, but she wasn't listening to him.

"I've never… never had anyone in my entire life be there for me, and I certainly don't need…" she paused, and wiped tears of her face, "nor want someone who pities me and feels he has to see things through with me…"

"I've never said that, I don't know why you'd think…"

"I am not an obligation to you…" she yelled at him.

The door burst open suddenly, an angry Miranda Bailey walking through, "what in the world is going on here? Shepherd, Grey, this is a hospital. What is wrong with you two, isn't it enough you're the main topic of gossip around here, you have add more fuel to the fire by providing a live scene as well? I could hear you all the way down the hall."

"Dr. Bailey, we will handle this," Derek told her.

"Don't Dr. Bailey me. This is an embarrassment. Dr. Shepherd, get out of here and take her home."

"I'm not going anywhere with him."

"Yes, yes you are. You are in no condition to drive, and he apparently isn't smart enough to handle things like an adult. So, yes, he's taking you home, where you can air your dirty laundry in private."

"Dr. Bailey. I'm sorry. But, I am not going anywhere with him," Meredith challenged.

"Let me make myself perfectly clear, Dr. Grey. Either you leave here right now, and allow him to drive you home, or you will be suspended for three days."

"Suspended…" Meredith asked incredulous, "I can't be suspend for …this."

"Really, you can't be? You just watch me. Get out of here, now!"

Meredith and Derek glared at each other but realized Miranda Bailey was not backing down. Meredith grabbed her purse and walked out, Derek following behind her.

The drive to her house was made in complete silence.

She got out of the car and slammed the door almost before he came to a complete stop, and he quickly followed her to the door.

"What, do you think you're doing," she growled at him as she reached the front door.

"We are going to finish this conversation."

"This conversation is finished," she said as she opened the door and attempted to slam it in his face, but he had anticipated her move and walked in behind her.

"You. Are. No. Longer Welcome."

"Tough."

"Suit yourself," she said and began walking up the stairs.

"Meredith, we are going to talk," he stopped her and led her to the living room.

"I don't want to talk. I'm sick of talking."

"I want an explanation."

"You want an explanation," she laughed sarcastically.

"Yes, because you haven't made one bit of sense since during the past hour you've been yelling."

"I have not been yelling for the past hour," she yelled, "unless you've been hearing voices, we drove here in complete silence."

"This is ridiculous. Where in the world did you come up with this crazy idea that I've said you're an obligation."

"I do not owe you any explanations…yYou… you are the one that has failed to explain things to me…from the very beginning."

"Back to this again?" he muttered under his breath.

"Shut up. Derek shut up. You want an explanation… fine…you accuse me of not trusting you… you spout of meaningless sentences... like how I should take things on faith…and it would be fun for us to just troll with it… be flexible Meredith... and I did… damn you.. I did. And what did that get me… a slap in the face…when your wife walked in and told me I was he woman screwing her husband…trust…explanations….I earned a hell of a lot more than you've given me…I've been taking things on faith from he first God forsaken day I met you…"

Red hot rage enveloped him, "don't, Meredith…" he said in a low threatening tone,

"don't say things you don't mean… don't say things you'll regret, because, I can forgive just about…"

"Forgive…" she laughed, "you, can forgive… who the hell says I want your forgiveness. You have lied and used me…"

"I have never used you," he snapped, anger dripping from his voice, "and I am not lying to you."

"You have lied. Every time you failed to explain... every God damn time you failed to tell me the truth, you have lied. There's always the need for explanations and I'm supposed to forget that from the very beginning you just used me…and didn't tell me about Addison…and I was a fool… and trusted you and took it on faith….but every time I do you turn around and pull the rug out from under me….and hurt me… and I'm through… I'm through… cause I can't….I can't let you hurt me anymore…" she paused as she suddenly seemed to lose all the fight in her.

Neither was capable of rationality, not at this point, and the words that came out were just long bottled up emotions that served no purpose in surfacing right now, because neither was capable of listening or understanding beyond their own individual pain.

"And what about me… what about me," he yelled, "what about how much you have hurt me, every time you shut me out, every time you turn away… every time you looked to another man … every time you got drunk… and brought someone home…"

Instinctively, she raised her hand to slap him, but horrified at her intended action, stopped herself from following through.

They looked at each other in anger, unable to get past the hateful words spoken.

"I have never cheated on you."

"Neither have I," he yelled, and paced around the room, and then came to stand in front of her.

"I'm sorry. I am deeply sorry. I did not mean those things I just said," he said and looked genuinely apologetic.

"It doesn't matter," she said sounding completely defeated. "Nothing about this matters anymore. We crossed the line. It's over."

"Meredith. It's not over. We're going to get to the bottom of this."

"Let me give you a hint," she said, words dripping with sarcasm, "you may want to be more careful with the activities you choose to engage in parking lots and around the hospital in general… if you had been discreet, you might have been able to keep me from hearing her tell Olivia what you said."

"You what? You heard her say this? It's not true Meredith, it's not true."

"I don't believe you," she shrugged. " Is there anything else Derek, anything else you may want to tell me… because frankly, I may have tough skin …but I think I need to start wearing protective gear…"she paused, and then finding her anger again, quite irrationally yelled at him "against the nasty thorns you're hell bent on rubbing my face in."

Derek looked at her, and almost started laughing. It was not a laughing matter at all, but he'd never really seen her like this before, ever. For several seconds he contemplated her in silence yet unable to keep from analyzing her behavior.

Earlier in their relationship she'd yell at him and be quite bossy, but then at some point she'd mellowed considerably, maybe mellowed was not the word, he thought, maybe she'd just given up, and he hadn't noticed. He definitely needed to pay more attention to that. But right now, as serious as the situation was, he'd been trying to keep a straight face from the moment she made the comments about thorns.


	30. Chapter 30

**Ch 30 – Another chance?**

"What the hell are you smirking at? Seriously…you think this is funny?"

"I was just thinking that when I send you flowers, roses are definitely out of the question," he said in a last attempt at humor to deflate the ever increasing pain they were inflicting on one another.

She swats his arm, "you are such an ass." She met his gaze, and asked him, "are you purposely trying to hurt me? Because… Derek, that was insensitive, especially from you."

"Meredith," he said sobering. "Yes, you're right, I am being an ass, and that was insensitive. I guess if I were you, I'd be thinking that as well. But," he pleaded "what are we doing?"

"You're the one wanted explanations."

"Obviously I was wrong. This isn't getting us anywhere, and I want us to get past this."

"You've never even sent me flowers," she observed very quietly.

He thought about what she said, and it shamed him to know she was right. "No, I haven't. There are so many things," he reflected, "I should have done."

The poignancy of the moment was lost, as she regained her resolve.

"Did you or did you not, talk to her about me?"

"I already told you, I talked about you, the night we had dinner. I was stupid and an idiot, and I brought you up, hoping for some advice, some perspective to understand you."

"Couldn't you just ask me, you moron?"

"Given our current shouting match, and our past history with communication, you really think that was the answer."

"You could have least tried."

"Meredith, please, let's learn from what's happened, not accuse each other any more."

"Fine. What did you talk about with her? What did you tell her about me?"

Take off the band aid…he thought, oh yeah, how he hated that expression, but she was ripping it off without any warning.

"What exactly do you want to know?"

"I want to know everything. No more surprises."

"We went out to dinner and we..."

"Start from the beginning."

"The beginning?"

"Why did you kiss her?"

"I already told you, I don't know. It does not in any way reflect on what I feel for you."

"Right."

"Stop. If you want the truth, you're going to have to accept what I'm telling you, because it's the only truth I know."

"Fine."

"It just happened, just as I told you. It surprised me and upset me, because I felt guilty that I could have kissed another woman, when all I want is you."

"You know what, we're going to be here all night at this pace, just skip to the dinner, what did you say about me?"

He reflected on the evening and told her, "we left the hospital, and I asked her where she might like to go, and she suggested this place she'd heard a lot about… this Italian place…"

He heard her gasp. "Oh….no….you took her to our place."

"I suggested a Chinese restaurant. That's our place Mer, I couldn't be there with anyone but you."

"I passed it that night, on the way home. Lexie was driving and I was doing ok…until we drove by there…by our place…"

"We ordered dinner, and we talked and all I could think of was you, what a mess of things we'd… what a mess of things I'd made. Then, she asked me if it would help to talk things through, and I told her you were a very private person, that I needed to respect that."

"But she insisted."

"Yes, how do you know that?"

"Derek, you're no 15, you really can't be this naïve."

"She was being nice, I thought, being a friend."

"What else?"

"I told her it had been a difficult year for us, and that maybe I was pushing too hard for you to make a commitment. Then she said something about realizing that some things aren't meant to work out and its better to cut your losses. That angered me, and I told her that you were the love of my life, and I made and excuse to get up from the table, and called you. I drove her to the hospital, dropped her off at her car, and she leaned to kiss me, and I did not kiss her back. I told her I thought she understood that couldn't happen, then I came over."

She was quiet for a few minutes, thinking about what he had said.

"Then why Derek, why would she say what she did today, that you went looking for her, and told her you …liked kissing her…and…"she stopped, because as she remembered the conversation, she knew she was going to start crying again. She hated him, well, she didn't really, she thought, but she hated that he'd made her this rollercoaster of emotions for the past three nights, without apparently any rest in sight.

He took a deep breath. "I never said you were an obligation or that I wanted to move on."

"You are not answering my question."

"You're taking that comment out of context."

"Then why don't you put it into context for me, and we can really get on with this. I'm tired and want to get some sleep."

"Will you let me stay with you tonight," he asked her out of the blue.

"Seriously…you are joking?"

"Yes… and …no."

"You haven't begun to make a dent on Mark's 23 days…."

"I thought I tried last night… and today…"

"Yeah well, you are now further back than before. Telling her you liked kissing her is not earning you many points."

"I did see her, the morning after I kissed her. It seems Seattle Grace is wired with microphones."

"Apparently so. Maybe you'd best remember that in the future."

"Did you tell her you had to see it through?"

"No… yes…but not the way she described it… Meredith, I never said…"

"This is getting old Derek, just repeat what you said."

"I saw her, she offered me candy, I asked her if she ever ate any real food?"

"Derek, I don't care about what she eats."

"You asked me to put it into context, didn't you?"

"Yes."

"She said I'd have to take her out to dinner to find out."

"I knew it… that … that…and you, being an idiot fell for this."

"No, I didn't. I just told her, I couldn't have dinner with her, that kiss had been unexpected, that I had liked kissing her and had enjoyed kissing her but that I was seeing someone. She knew it was you."

She looked at him with the strangest expression, "you are standing there telling me that is what you said to her, and you have the unmitigated gall to tell me you have not lied to me," she told him in the lowest angriest tone he had ever heard.

"I'm not finished."

"You're not finished," she laughed, "well by all means continue Dr. Shepherd, and put the last nail in your coffin."

"I told her, I had to see it through."

"You had to see it through," she whispered softly, "I'm something you have to see through…" and felt herself about to fall, dizziness washing over her and the inability to breath overwhelming. This couldn't be happening not in front of him.

He reached out to steady her, concern and fear clearly visible in his expression.

"Meredith, Mer… what's wrong," he said as he held her and sat her down on the couch.

"She took small gulps of air, becoming more agitated by the second. " I can't... I can't… breath… I can't breath…"

"Yes you can, come on… take deep breaths… Mer…Mer, look at me… take deep breaths."

She followed his instructions, fear clutching at her core, she had not wanted him to know about this, her panic attacks, and tried to calm herself down as quickly as possible.

"Water…just get me some water."

"I don't want to leave you…"

"Water… please."

He was back in record speed and as she sipped the water, he held her hand, and asked softly, "what happened?"

"Nothing for you to concern yourself with. It passes."

"This has happened before? Meredith, what's going on, why haven't you told me?"

"I didn't want you to know. I'm weak, and I didn't want you to know."

"You are not weak. You are the strongest person I know. I should have been there, I would have wanted to be there for you, with you."

"Life's not made of shoulds or woulds, is it?"

He took her wrist and measured her pulse, relaxing a bit that it was seemingly back to normal.

"How many of these have you had, these panic attacks."

"It's not important."

"It is. Because you are important, you're important to many people, and most of all, you're very important to me."

She ignored him, "so, you really did say what she repeated."

"We don't have to talk about this now."

"Yes. Yes we do."

"Fine, then, no. The answer is no. What I said is what I just told you. What she said is what she chose to interpret."

"You said you had to see it through…with me…I can agree with her interpretation. It's ok, you can move on…" she said she felt her body begin to shut down and the wall of steel begin to rise.

"That is not what I meant, and it isn't what I said."

"It may not mean that, but that's exactly what you've done. In essence, Derek your actions with her, your friendship with her…you've moved on."

"How can you possibly say that? Have you not been there in my arms, yesterday and today, and felt my love for you…this love you keep rejecting and denying."

He saw the look in her eyes, it was back, that detachment that would place her out of his reach forever and she repeated what he'd told her a couple of nights before.

"I told you Derek," she said with defeat echoing in every word, "we could have avoided all of this…these arguments… you could have just told me… you could have told me the truth… that you wanted to move on…that I had become too much of a responsibility."

"Meredith," he said softly and taking her hands in his. "Don't you give up... don't you get it… I did not…I do not …want to move on. Meredith, I want us to have a chance to work through this mess, I want you… I need for you to give me... to give us another chance."

AN/ Have been waiting to post for 5 reviews... but I"m kind of getting behind... and there are 10 combined with last two chapters... so here goes ch 30. Already have Ch 31- 34 written. Thanks to all the readers and those of you who comment, as always incredibly appreciated...gives me a clue if you want to keep reading.


	31. Chapter 31

**Ch 31 - Brother in law …**

"Another chance…" she repeated, staring straight ahead, sitting in complete silence for several minutes after taking her hands out of his.

"Cats, Derek… cats may have nine lives…but I don't," she looked at him, and then beyond, as though she could not meet his gaze. "I think I've already used two."

"Meredith," he said, shocked at the heartbreak he heard in her voice.

"They haven't been great lives," she smiled slightly, "and this one has certainly been short lived, but, no Derek, I'm certainly not going to stick around for a third chance."

"Meredith," he shook her, "what… what are you saying," he asked desperation in his voice, more than anything at the coldness and calmness in her speech.

"Don't worry, I don't plan on hurting myself or drowning myself again, if that's what you're thinking. You're off the hook. I'm not giving you another chance."

"I am not going to let you give up," he said tears gathering in his eyes, and deep sorrow in his voice, "I am not going to let you. I will hound you every day, until I can make you believe me again and trust me when I hold you in my arms and tell you, over and over again that you're the love of my life… my soul mate, all that matters to me."

"Let's stop… please…please," she pleaded as she allowed the tears to flow, "just stop."

"I can't. I won't give up on us. I'll regret what I've done for the rest of my life, but I will not give up on us, and I'm not letting you give up either."

"Derek, just stop, please. Can't you see I'm weak…I've already fallen apart. How much more do you want to hurt me... how much more do you think I deserve to be hurt… have you punished me enough for me hurting you…" she sobbed.

"Meredith," he murmured almost reverently, "I'm not trying to hurt you…though I have…but, why…why would you think…"

"Because… you may not mean to... but…I know…I hurt you…I know I did…when I drowned… I know…I broke you too… and I'm sorry…that's my regret to live with, for the rest of this life but now… please, let's just stop…because I do have to survive…and I can...I have to….but I won't be able to…not knowing I'm never good enough…of always disappointing you…I know I failed you…but… Derek…I don't deserve this constant pain…"

"Oh my God…Meredith," he said as her words came rushing at him at a speed he could not begin to understand, but could comprehend only one thing. He needed to get through to her.

"It's ok," she almost sounded as though she was comforting him, " I'm always a disappointment to people, my mother, father… now you…but you hurt the most… the most painful of all…is to know you too, are disappointed in me."

He grabbed her forcing her to look at him. "You are not a disappointment to me. You are not weak. I am in awe of your strength, do you know how strong you are to have accomplished all you are on your own. I'm proud of everything you are."

He wasn't getting through to her.

"Knowing…knowing you could think of me as an obligation…as your responsibility…I can't deal with that…so go…just … just go."

"You're right," he said as he reached out and held her, against her will, and continued to caress her hair, to gently massage her back. "If you were an obligation or a responsibility to me, you're right, I can understand how painful that would be to you. But, Meredith, you're none of those things to me, I feel none of those things for you…you are not a responsibility or an obligation…you are the only woman that I want to spend my life with."

"Stop… please, let's stop saying anything else that's only going to end up hurting each other more than we already have."

"I don't want to hurt you, and until right now, I didn't realize how deeply I have, and I'm deeply deeply sorry. I've been selfish and engrossed in myself without seeing the pain I've caused you."

He held her allowing her to cry till he felt her sobs subside. "I can't change the past, and I know you're not really listening to me. But, I promise you…I promise you, I will spend every moment I can trying to heal the wounds I've caused, the pain I've made you feel."

The front door opened at that moment and he heard George and Lexie chattering as they started to enter the room, and he motioned for them to leave. She stirred in his arms, and tried to get up from the couch, away from his hold on her.

"I will walk away…I will, if that is what you want, I will walk away, for now, tonight. But, Meredith, walking away does not mean I'm giving up on us. It only means I'm giving you time…time to get some sleep, to figure things out…time for us both to try to understand why we've reached this impasse… why, after all we've been through, we can't simply find the way to love each other…I'm giving you time… time for us to find the way back to each other."

"It's too late…it's already too late. There's too much… too much water under…"

"Too much water under the thing, or whatever…" he interrupted, tilting his head just so, and offering a sight smile, trying desperately to lift the darkness surrounding them.

"Our… our bridge collapsed Derek, we…we weren't meant to survive."

"That's where you're wrong. We've always been meant to survive. Maybe we've just been swimming up stream. Meredith, it doesn't need to be this hard."

"Derek, we can't. We just keep hurting one another."

"Yeah, we can, and we have hurt each other, but we're going to work on that."

She sat looking at him, both emotionally worn, "I don't want or need to be pitied."

"You're not. You're loved. I adore you Meredith Grey, and I'll do whatever it takes until the day you believe me and trust me again, and then, I'll prove it to you all over again."

Tears started to slide down her face, and she whimpered, "I want to believe you… I want to trust you."

"You will," he said leaning in to her and lightly brushing her lips with his, and felt her response with the light the pressure of hers on his. He helped her rise from the couch, "do you want help getting upstairs?"

"No. It's ok."

"I'll see you tomorrow."

"You're not…you're not going to give up?" she asked hesitantly.

"I'm not giving up," he murmured gathering close in his arms, kissing her lightly on the forehead, "I've just began to fight for the most important thing in my life."

He walked to the kitchen, and spoke to Lexie. "Look after her. She's not in good shape."

"So, you're just walking out on her," Lexie challenged, "giving up."

"Mark was right Lexie. I'm glad you're her warrior. She needs you."

"You didn't answer my question. Are you walking out on her, giving up on her?"

"No. No, I'm not. But, right now, being here, I'll do more harm than good. She needs a good night's sleep and hasn't had anything to eat."

"Dr. Sheph…Derek, before you leave, can you tell me…what's wrong?"

"We have some issues, many issues to deal with. I didn't even realize many things until tonight, but we'll get through them. Can you walk out with me?" he said, unwilling to reveal anything else in front of George.

"Lexie, Meredith is a very private person, and we do have a lot of problems to work on, not least of which is the mess I've made with this situation with Rose. But I did not lie to you, when I told you she's the love of my life, she is, and I'm going to prove it to her."

"So, what's really wrong?"

"It's kind of complex, and some of it is really up to her to share with you. I just wanted you to know that I think you're good for her. I'm glad she has you to confide in right now, because she needs someone a little bit gentle, and from what I've seen watching the two of you lately, I think having her sister is making a big difference. But, please keep an eye out for her tonight."

"What aren't you saying Derek. What else happened?"

"I'm concerned about her, but please, I didn't want to say anything in front of George, I don't want to betray her privacy."

"I'm not going to say anything. I'm not a gossip, and she's my sister."

"Yes, she is your sister. Lexie, she had a panic attack, and she wouldn't discuss it with me, but I gather it's happened before."

"Yes, it has."

"You've seen this."

"Yes, unfortunately, I know I was responsible for one of them."

"Why was that?

"There was this big scene with my father at the hospital, and I said some nasty things, and she had believed him about being remorseful, and I set her straight, without really knowing what he had said to her, and she freaked out. Dr. Webber was there for her."

"You discussed it, after it happened?" he was surprised and sorry he had not paid close enough attention to her developing relationship with Lexie.

"Yes, we've talked and she understood the situation."

"Were there other incidents?"

She hesitated, fiddling with her watch just as Meredith did.

"Lexie, when else?"

"The other night…when she left your office…that's why I was here."

"I see. I really do have a lot to make up to her."

"Derek, I'm pretty sure she does not want you feeling guilty and for that to be the reason you are trying to make things up to her."

"I'm not, it's for me I'm doing this, because the though of not having her in my life, is just too much to bear."

"Mer will kill me for saying this… but I told her today I really like you."

"You told her that," he questioned smiling," and she reacted…how?"

"Derek, I'm not flirting with you…I told her I really liked you…and hope to like you much more as my brother-in-law one day. I'm trusting you."

"That will happen Lexie. I just don't know how long it's going to take, but it will."

"Don't give up on her. She loves you."

"Ah…yes, I wish that were still the case."

"Derek, you don't believe she loves you."

"I want desperately to believe she will, that she'll tell me she loves me again, but I've hurt her a lot, and I'm not going to push her anymore."

"We're just getting to know each other, Meredith and I, but Derek, even if she hasn't said it, she loves you."

"Thank you."

"Good night Derek."

"Good night… Xena."

"You heard?" she laughed.

"Oh yeah… no secrets at Seattle Grace."

_AN thank you for your comments... I'm posting two in a row especially for several o fyou, who definitely will know who you are because you consitently take the time to review and provide great detail on the upates. I will post 31/32 back to back._


	32. Chapter 32

**Ch 32 – Fighting bets**

"Everything ok?"

"Yeah…George, Derek just wanted to talk to me, make sure she was going to be ok."

"He didn't want to talk in front of me."

"It wasn't that, he just…wanted to talk to me, thanked me for being there for her."

"You were out there a long time for him just to say that."

"George, I'm sorry…he wanted to talk to me."

"You think she's ok, Lex, she was pretty upset when we walked in."

"He thinks she'll be fine, now that they've talked."

"He hasn't always been right or done the right thing by her, you know."

"Well, let's just see this time," she said hoping to change the subject.

"Hey, I guess we still have some more apartment hunting to do. Lexie, are you sure, you want us to be roommates?"

"Yes, I think it's great, we did get along from my very first day here. Have you changed you're mind?"

"No, no I haven't changed my mind. We'll just keep looking, till we find the perfect two bedroom apartment."

"There's a couple more we can look at tomorrow after work. Now, I'm starving, let me see what Mer wants and I'll be right down."

"She'll eat anything except Chinese food."

Meredith heard a light knock at her door, "come in."

"Hey, I wanted to know what you wanted to order for dinner."

"You actually knock before coming in the door."

"Yes…I can't just barge in…I mean…it's your privacy…you just don't…"

Meredith laughed, "tell that to the rest of the inhabitants if you please, they don't know the meaning of privacy or knocking."

"Mer, that's just rude."

"Yeah... it is…Derek use to hate it…when he would stay here, and they would just barge in" she told her a bit of melancholy in her voice.

"Have you heard of locking doors?"

"Neither of us, I guess was used to rude people just barging in," she laughed. "This will be another reason he likes you."

"So, what to you want us to order."

"I'm really not that hungry, I think I'm just going to try to get some rest. A long hot bath and just go to bed."

"I don't think so…I mean… you can have a long bath and go to bed…but you have to eat."

"Really…" she smiled at Lexie, "mom."

"I had a really good teacher…and I was the older sister forever…so yeah…you have to eat something."

"Sure…get whatever…sushi…that sounds good, but you'll have to bribe George to pick it up, no deliveries for that," she said scrunching up her nose, the mood having become much lighter than just an hour before.

" I don't think he'll mind, he's always so sweet about things."

"Just wait till you're roommates and he refuses to buy tampons when it's his turn to go to the store, and Iz and I feel like killing him."

"Mer… you make him buy tampons…poor guy… that's …that's just not nice, guys don't want to do that."

"Oh, you two are going to be just perfect living together."

"I'll let you know when dinner's here."

The three of them enjoyed a quiet evening and all stayed away from discussing the current status of the Mer- Der relationship.

Meredith went upstairs right after dinner, which was quite early and George and Lexie were watching television when Izzie and Alex got home.

"Hey Lex, George, who won this round of the fight?"

"What fight are you talking about?"

"Oh my God, they apparently had a huge blowout and screaming match at the hospital after Cristina and I left, I mean he came to talk to Mer in the resident's louge, and apparently Dr. Bailey came in and was livid and told them to get leave the hospital and practically ordered Dr. Shepherd to drive Mer home."

"Is this a joke Iz?"

"Dude, it was all over Joe's. New pool of bets too, whether they talk to each other tomorrow or not."

"Well, I think it's just pathetic, that people have to stick their nose in someone else's lives instead of minding their own. You know what the say… 'people who live in glass house shouldn't throw stones'."

"Xena the rambler strikes again…" Alex laughed, and walked over to Lexie, whispering "want to practice a little one on one combat tonight."

"Don't be an ass."

"You know where to find me."

"Yeah, in the gutter."

Lexie could hear Meredith was still awake, so she went to the kitchen and fixed two bowls of ice cream.

She knew it was Lexie, and answered the minute she heard the knock on the door.

"Alex and Izzie just came in, and I could hear you were still up, so I thought you might want some comfort food, " and offered Meredith one of two bowls of strawberry ice cream.

"No coffee tonight."

"I thought your favorite is strawberry."

"It is… but somehow coffee would have been good tonight."

"Meredith…I …Alex and Izzie…well, I don't mean to pry… but they said...and well, I just thought before you get to the hospital tomorrow…you know, you might want to know about some things… at Joe's… but I don't have to say anything, but I think it's better to know sometimes…so you know… you're prepared."

"Lexie…would you please remind me…point out to me every time I start to ramble…I can't imagine I sound like you just did…"

"Well…you…kind of do…"

"Tell me what happened. It is better to know."

At that moment, Mer reached for her phone when she heard the sound of a text message delivered, read it and smiled.

'Prefer to hear ur voice, but hope ur resting. I love you'

"From the smile on your face, I guess it was Derek."

She just smiled.

"Meredith, I really really don't want to pry…but but Alex and Izzie were at Joe's and..."

"Just tell me," she said, and Lexie recounted the conversation.

"Yes, we did have a horrible fight and Bailey did force him to drive me home," and proceeded to tell her sister most of what transpired from the hospital till the time Derek left. "What did he want to talk to you about, when you joined him outside."

"How did you know that?"

"The front door closed and his car didn't start right away, so I looked and saw the two of you talking."

"He didn't want to speak in front of George, and basically told me to look after you."

"And you told him you were on his side?"

"Why in the world would you say that?

"Because you are…you've already admitted that to me…"

"Mer, the side I'm really on is yours."

"I know that…it's funny…this ...this sisterly thing…I already know that Lexie…that you're really on my side…that you think he's good for me…even as bad as things are right now…"

"Yeah… I do…I really do think he's good for you…you love him… you already told me that…"

"I guess I did tell you that…in a moment of weakness."

"Mer, those moments…when we're most vulnerable…that's usually when our heart speaks the truth."

"Is that another quote I should recognize?"

"No… I just thought of that myself…" and in that moment both sisters shared a laugh, strengthening their bond even more.

"You know, I bet he said something sappy like he was glad you and I are speaking…that you're here for me."

"He actually did…" she smiled, "say something like that…and called me Xena…which I hate by the way."

"I'm sorry…that it's because of me."

"Oh, Mer, it's not a big deal…its just Alex and his stupid comments, I was always looking out for Molly too… "

"You'll be a great mom one day…Susan would be proud of you…"

"Well, I'm going to choose to believe… that she'll always be there to watch over me…and Molly and any grand babies… and you Mer…and your kids…"

"Oh…I don't now about that…"

"Mer, Mom really cared for you…and I know she wanted us …wanted you to be part of our family…"

"I know…I was very fond of her too…I just meant the kids…not sure that's something I want."

"Doesn't Derek want kids…I mean… I thought…"

"Yes…he does…and I'm not totally saying I don't want kids…but who even knows if Derek and I will be able to work things out…and the kids…I don't know…I didn't have Susan as role model…and I don't know…maybe I just wouldn't …I wouldn't be like you…"

"You know what I think…"

"You're about to tell me."

"I think you and Derek are going to find a way to work things out…he really loves you Mer…but he has some doubts too…whether you love him…"

"He does… I know… I haven't allowed myself to trust him…to tell him that in a very long time…there's been a lot…that's happened between us."

"But Mer…I think… you will find the right time…and you and Derek, will be together…and I think…you're going to be a wonderful mom…"

"You think as much as you ramble it seems…"

"Doesn't it happen to you sometimes…when you just have this feeling…and you just know things…"

"Yeah…sometimes…"

"Well…the other night…I just knew, Mom was here watching over both of us…"

"You think?"

"Yeah…I do…and Mer…I bet your Mom watches over you too."

She was getting a bit too sentimental…and felt tears begin to gather at the back of her eyes…"maybe she does Lex…maybe she does…"

"Mer… I know you and Derek will be together…"

"Did you tell him that too?"

"No…I'm telling you that…"

"And what did you tell him?"

"Maybe… I might have said…something….about him being my brother in law…"

"Oh God…he'll be impossible, now that he knows you're on his side… cause he knows Cristina is totally on his ass all the time…," she couldn't help but smile, thinking she was glad Lexie was on his…their side… " he'll be happy that you're on his side."

"Mer…he said he's not going to push you…"

"You talked a lot…"

"Maybe, but he was really concerned about you, and he made sure it was just him and I talking."

"He told you about my panic attack…didn't he?"

"He did, but don't be mad… he just wanted to make sure I kept an eye on you…and he…he asked if it had happened before… and I couldn't lie to him…

"I really should be very angry with you…"

"I know…and I'm sorry... I'm not talking behind your back…really … it's just he does care…and I believe him…and you're my sister…and that's what I know how to do…it's what Mom would do… and sometimes it's so lonely without her…and now…there's you…and it helps… it helps to know I'm not so alone…and I have Molly, but she's away…and to think, that maybe…maybe you need me too…and I…we… won't be so alone…and we can be there for each other…" she finished and Meredith could see she was trying to keep from crying, recognized how much she must miss Susan. She did, sometimes, and she'd only been a part of her life for a very short period of time.

"You…Lexie Grey…are turning me into a total sap…and if you dare tell anyone I get all sentimental talking to you…" she said and hesitantly at first, she reached for her sister's hand and gently squeezed… "I think Susan is definitely watching over us tonight…"

"So, do I Mer," she said gently squeezing her hand back.

"I'm really tired. I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night Mer."

"Good night…and no sneaking into Alex's room."

"As if I would…he's such an ass…"

"Yeah…famous last words…"

"Who's Xena the protector now?"

"Good night Lexie."

When Lexie left the room she buried herself under the covers and reached for her phone.


	33. Chapter 33

**Ch 33 - I miss you…**

"Hey."

"I wanted to hear your voice too."

"You're not sleeping, you should be."

"Lexie is following your instructions, and hovering like a mother hen," she giggled lightly.

"Oh, Mer…how I love to hear that sound."

"What?"

"Your giggling…I haven't heard it enough lately."

"Were you sleeping?"

"No, just doing some research online."

"Oh…on what?"

"Uh…just…just this case I have coming up."

"You're lying."

"I'm not…"

"Yeah…you are…you hesitated."

"Fine…it's a surprise…"

"For me?"

"Yes, of course for you."

"Is it a nice surprise."

"Mer surprises are nice."

"Not always…look at…"

"It's a nice surprise…at least I think it's a nice surprise…" he interrupted her before she finished her sentence, knowing exactly what she was thinking.

"So... just trust you…"

"Yeah…trust me."

"Derek…"

"Uhm."

"You're not giving up?"

He composed himself before he answered. Her self doubts, which he had failed to recognize, where surfacing so quickly he didn't know how to react, without her noticing the shattering effect it was having on him. It wasn't guilt, like Lexie had commented, rather overwhelming sadness that he had ignored those tell tale sings for so long.

"Never."

"I miss you."

"I miss you too."

"Do you…do you… think we're going to make it?" she asked with a half broken sob.

"I know we will."

"I wish I could be so sure."

"I'll be sure enough for both of us… from now on…I'll be sure enough for both of us."

"Derek…"

"Uhm…"

"I love that sound…it really turns me on."

"Are you sure you want to go there…right now…?"

"I wish I was with you right now."

"Me too."

"I'll see you tomorrow?"

"Yes, you have a good night Mer."

"Derek…"

"Uhm…"

"I'm glad we talked, earlier tonight."

"So am I.."

"Derek…I'm happy I could hear your voice, before I go to sleep tonight."

"I love you Meredith."

"When I forget…will you remind me."

"For as long as you want."

"I… I'm…" she paused, as she felt emotions take a life of their own, and a single tear slid down the side of her face.

"Mer…you ok?"

"I'm…I'm glad you're not…" she swallowed past the lump in her throat, "not giving up on us."

"I promise you, that will never again be an option."

"Ok," she said quietly, and in that single word he knew she was crying.

"Mer, I love you, please get some rest."

For the first time in weeks it seemed, and certainly in the last couple of nights, she was able to sleep through the night only to be rudely awakened by the persistent sound of the annoying alarm.

Breakfast was a hurried affair, as everyone rushed to get to the hospital on time.

"Morning Mer, want breakfast?"

"No, coffee will do. Guys, I need a ride, my car's still at the hospital."

"Sure, let's go, Alex and I start a 24 hour shift, so we're riding together."

"That sounded vaguely dirty," Alex joked.

"In your dreams."

On the way to the hospital she told them she was aware of the gossip and the bets at Joe's.

"Did you and Derek make up?"

"Not really, but we're talking."

"Well, if you want to do more than that, do us a favor and take advantage that we're not there tonight….and you won't be keeping us awake," Alex teased her.

"You forget George and Izzie are still hanging around."

"Their problem, just don't want my sleep to be interrupted."

"Mer…is it true about the fight with Derek at the lounge, and that Bailey practically threw you guys out of the hospital?"

"Yes, Iz, this time the rumor mill is right."

"Wow."

"Cat got your tongue, Iz?"

"Shut up Alex."

Morning briefing was completed quickly and soon each went to tend to their corresponding assignments.

Meredith was at the nurses station when she felt his presence nearby, and turned slightly, gazes locked and held as he walked to her.

He reached the desk, and leaned to kiss her softly on the lips, taking her completely by surprise, but she did not flinch, and kissed him back. To the spectators, it was the most natural thing in the world, in fact, some began to think McDreamy had earned his name back and it was time to settle the bets.

"Hey, you're here early," he smiled.

"Shift started at 6, why are you so early?"

"There's a couple of things I need to take care of early today."

"Did you finish your research last night?"

He laughed, "I'm not telling."

"Be that way."

"Why are you nervous?"

"I'm not."

"Then why are you fidgeting with your watch," he said as he pulled her away from the desk for a bit more privacy.

"I… I'm…I'm going to apologize to Dr. Bailey, for you know…our argument last night."

"You mean our 7 round match at the hospital," he teased her.

"Is that how many rounds there are in a fight?"

"Uhm… my cage fighter with tiny ineffectual fists…doesn't know the rules…"

"Why would I know about boxing?"

"Cause you sure know how to throw punches…"

He saw the hurt look on her face, "I'm kidding, Mer…I was thinking of the day you beat up on Alex, in the intern's locker room."

"Oh…"

"How about you come with me to check on Tuck…and we can share the wrath of Miranda Bailey."

"You think that's a good idea…I mean both of us… you …and me…I mean us together…going to see her."

"Come on, let's go," he said as he led her down the corridor to Tuck's room.

"Well…well, look what we have here…and it doesn't seem like there were any teeth lost along the way. I take it neither of you dealt the final punch?"

"Miranda, good morning."

"It's Dr. Bailey to you."

"Dr. Bailey, how's he doing today?" Meredith asked, smiling softly as she looked down on the sleeping baby.

"He's doing just fine Grey, and it looks like you might have had a good night's sleep."

"I'm… I… wanted to check on Tuck…Dr. Bailey…but, I really… really wanted to apologize for my behavior last night. It was…it was inexcusable, and I'm sorry."

"Apology accepted. Dr. Shepherd, don't you have anything to say?"

"Other than you do realize I'm your boss?"

"And when has that ever mattered before?"

"Miranda, I'm kidding, Mer told me she was coming to apologize, and I had planned on doing the same, so here we are, together, and in one piece."

"Just hope we don't have a repeat. I trust you two have come to an understanding, to keep your private life outside this hospital…at least your fights… since I know it's too much to ask for you to restrain yourselves from anything else…"

"Dr. Bailey, when is Tuck going home?" Meredith asked hoping to change the topic, it was just wrong on so many levels, she thought, not to mention the fact she had no intention of giving in so easily to Derek, well not in the next few days anyway.

"He's going to be here another day for observation, and then he'll go home."

Mer's pager went off, and she had to hurry along.

"I'm glad everything's turned out ok with him Dr. Bailey, he really is an adorable baby."

"Meredith, thanks for stopping by. I'm glad you're ok too."

"Meet me for lunch?" Derek asked her.

"I'm not sure, let me check what's going on."

"Page me…once you know."

"Ok."

"Shepherd, your behavior last night was deplorable, and I expect that is not ever going to happen in this hospital again."

"Why do I feel like I'm five years old and I'm being reprimanded by my mother."

"May have something to do with the fact that you're acting like a five year old," she chastised.

"Miranda, Meredith is right, the behavior was inexcusable, and I do appreciate your concern, and thank you for forcing the situation, because taking her home is exactly what I needed to do."

"So, did you two fools work things out?"

"There's lots of issues we need to work through, it's not going to happen overnight."

"But you're talking, that's good Shepherd, that's very good. I know, what lack of communication can do to a relationship, and let me tell you, where I am right now sucks. So, learn from my mistakes here…and if you care about that girl, fix it. If you don't, than let her go."

"I'm not letting her go. I'm going to fight for her…to have her trust me again, like I've never fought for anything before in my life."

"Don't forget to let yourself feel as well, don't close yourself off from emotions. Derek, both of you have gone through hell and back, I'm just a little softer on her right now. But, you've been to hell too. You brought her back to life, and in my opinion, and you know how I hate to meddle and get involved in these personal things, I resent it Shepherd, that you're making me get involved . But, I don't think the two of you have truly dealt with what happened, when she drowned."

"I know. Miranda, I'm begging to realize just how much we need to deal with, and it's overwhelming."

"Yeah, it is…but I know, Derek I know the two of you are going to pull through this…I believe that in my heart... or else, I would not be getting involved."

"Thank you, it means a lot."

"That's what we're here for…you're a good friend."

"So are you Miranda. So are you."

"Derek," she voiced with concern," she's been through a lot this past year, and she's a fighter for sure. But, right now…since this last problem between you, the last couple of days... there's a certain fragility…or vulnerability, I can't quite place it, and maybe it's always been there, but right now…take care of her."

"I plan on it Miranda. I think everything just caught up with her…with us."

"One more thing. Fix the situation with that nurse. I don't want to hear about every turn I take in this hospital."

"I'm going to take care of that very issue right now."

"About damn time I saw some signs of McDreamy."

_AN/ Dear K... because I truly appreciate every one of your comments... in spite of only yours posted..., this update is for you. Enjoy.. I loved writing it..._


	34. Chapter 34

**Ch 34 – Thorn's demise **

Derek spent a long night thinking about how to best deal with the situation he was solely responsible for creating. He'd hardly slept, trying to understand what had prompted him to act as he had with Rose. Throughout the night, he'd agonized when faced with some hard truths about himself, his reactions, his fears to a small degree, and cried more tears than even the day she'd drowned, because at stake was the rest of their lives, and he had not know, when he began his soul searching if they were going to make it.

Meredith consumed his every thought throughout the night, and he knew he had placed in jeopardy the future he wanted for them, when he had so callously disregarded how she would react to him being with another woman.

He'd been awake at the crack of dawn, because basically he hadn't slept all night, and he could not wait for the moment when he would seek out Rose and put all of this behind.

Derek approached the nurses station and was greeted with the usual light flirtation from his favorite group of nurses, with whom unlike others, he usually engaged in some form of conversation most every day.

"Good morning ladies."

"Dr. Shepherd, what brings you here so bright and early?"

"Hi Steph, just needed to take care of couple of things early this morning."

"Well, we'd be happy to help in any way we can."

"Amy Lynn, if didn't know better, I'd say you're flirting with me."

"Dr. Shepherd, of course I'm flirting with you, it's half the fun, as I hide behind this protective gear," she laughed showing off her wedding ring.

"I'm not the one you need protective gear from, that'd be Sloan."

"Oh, yes we know all about protective gear and Dr. Sloan," Lisette commented and had everyone laughing at her comment.

"Tracy," he said to the nurse standing closest to him, "would you do me a favor and please page Rose, so that she meets me here before she scrubs in for surgery."

"You want me to page Rose, the scrub nurse," she stated with a hint of disapproval in her voice.

"Yes, the scrub nurse."

"Of course, sir," she replied curtly, surprising him as he glanced at the other three faces.

"Did the temperature just drop about 30 degrees around here?"

"I'll take care of that right away."

"Ah…you know…it's not what you're all thinking."

"And what would that be, Dr. Shepherd?"

"Well, Amy, given I know there is absolutely no respect for privacy regarding my life, and that Sloan stood at this desk placing bets on 23 days… I think, I may have an idea."

"Dr. Shepherd, it's really not our place to …"

"You're right Lisette, it's not anyone's business to talk about my private life."

"I apologize, Dr. Shepherd, I was completely out of line."

"Ladies, you know I'm not one to stand around here and chit chat, but from the disapproving look on your faces, I'd have to bet… no pun intended…that you're pretty firmly on Dr. Grey's side."

"Dr. Shepherd, I apologize as well, my job is to follow your instructions."

"Tracy, you are right, but I'm going to tell you, in this particular case, I'm glad you're on he side. Because, truthfully, I've got a lot to make up to her."

"Tracy, close your mouth, you'll catch flies." They heard the comment from Mark.

"Look at this…Pretty and Prettier fine tuning their charm."

"Dr. Hahn, what a lovely way to start the morning."

"Dr. Shepherd, I'd have thought you'd be a bit less cheery this morning."

"Is there absolutely no privacy in this hospital?"

"No," seemed to be the collective response.

"Erica, how about a cup of coffee?"

"Sloan, what would you do if I said yes?"

"Buy you a cup of coffee," he teased, winking at her, never missing a beat.

"You're on."

"Come on pretty boy," don't just stand there.

The nurses and Derek all laughed as the two walked away from the desk.

"So, ladies, how's the betting pool coming along," he said flashing the McDreamy smile.

"Dr. Shepherd, we really like you… but, can we be honest here?"

"Of course."

"We did see you this morning with Dr. Grey."

"Yes?"

"You gained a few points."

"Really, Steph," he smiled.

"It was kind of hard not to find out about…well, last night and Dr. Bailey."

"Do tell, I see I'm behind in the rumor department."

"The buzz at Joe's last night was betting on whether you'd speak to each other or not, and well, the fact you not only spoke but kissed her, and she kissed you back."

"This is unbelievable, my life being discussed like a soap opera."

"If the shoe fits…"

"Amy," Lisette reprimanded.

"He knows we're not just gossiping. We like Dr. Grey, and him, when he's not being…well, when he's not flirting inappropriately with scrub nurses."

"So the truth comes out…as the chill begins to leave the air," he teased them.

"Just know, we're pulling for you both."

"Thanks, would you please let me know when Rose gets here."

"Oh, so you still want me to do that?"

"Yes, Tracy, and I can assure, so does Dr. Grey."

"She would not," Amy interjected. "Oh, sorry."

"Yes, she doesn't know it, but she actually will be happy that I'm having this conversation."

"If you say so."

" I'll be back in an 30 minutes, please make sure Rose get the page."

"Can you believe him? He's paging her to meet him here so nonchalantly."

"Tracy, he seems to be pretty sure of himself, so maybe it's really a good thing."

"I don't know what good can come out of it. I've kind of felt sorry for her ever since she broke of her engagement, but I just don't like that she actually pursued him. It's like she's just waiting around for someone to come along, and she may think it's him."

"Well, Lisette, I don't feel sorry for her, she knows they are together, and if she's arrogant enough to think she has a chance, than let her have what's coming, because if you'd seen those two this morning, there is no way he is interested in any woman but Meredith Grey."

Not long after the exchange between the nurses, the dark haired nurse approached the counter.

"Good morning, Tracy, I believe… I was paged by Dr. Shepherd."

"Yes, I'll let him know you're here."

"Thanks, I'm going to get a cup of coffee."

A few minutes later Derek approached her.

"Derek, good morning, this was a surprise."

"Good morning Rose, please, let's walk to the back office," and he led her to the office behind the nurses station, in plain view of everyone.

The nurse's foursome was not about to go anywhere, and it was almost understood that one of them would be engaged with work close enough to the open door behind them.

Derek stood with arms crossed and took a deep breath.

"Derek, is something wrong, you seem angry."

"Yes,Rose, you could say there is something wrong, and I am angry."

"Would you like to enlighten me?"

"Actually, I was thinking you might enlighten me."

"Excuse me, what exactly are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about the fact that what should have been a personal matter between two people, has been divulged all over this hospital."

"And how does this have something to do with me?"

"I'm talking about he fact that you've been discussing that we happened to kiss once in a scrub room and then had dinner together, and put your own very warped slant on what I regrettably discussed with you regarding Dr. Grey."

"Excuse me, but you are getting this information from where?"

"Where I'm getting this information is irrelevant, the facts are you have chosen to discuss a very private matter in plain hearing of people and placed your own slant, to the detriment of the woman I happen to love."

"Well excuse me, if what I have repeated, which by the away affects me as well, is not exactly as you would have liked for others to find out about it."

"The point is, there was nothing to discuss, not about you and I."

"Derek, if you recall, you are the one that kissed me in the scrub room, and you are the one that told me you enjoyed kissing me, I did not make that up, and whatever I have repeated, is nothing but the truth."

"Really," he said angrily. "Nothing but the truth, it does not seem to me that you have repeated the TRUTH," he emphasized, "because I sure as hell have never said I'm ready to move on from my relationship with Dr. Grey nor implied I am with her as an obligation."

"Derek, whether you use those words or not, it was clearly implied, and I had no reason to believe it was otherwise."

"You have no reason to believe otherwise, are you kidding me!"

"No, I am not. You kissed me. You said you had to see it through," she said with her voice slightly shaky, "and not too long after you broke up with her, you were asking me out to dinner, and told me you considered yourself free. That certainly does not sound like someone who is not ready to move on, nor is it so far fetched to think you feel an obligation to her."

"I cannot believe this, that you'd interpret things like this."

"Well, as I've said, I'm certainly an imperfect person."

"Yes, yes you did. What I did not know is that you are also a very indiscrete and vindictive person"

"Dr. Shepherd, I have given you no reason to speak to me like that."

"When you go around spouting off crap like you have to even one single person in this hospital, it gives me every right to say these things."

"Look, I thought we were friends, and if I misinterpreted your meaning, it was not intentional, it was simply the way I saw the facts, and if anyone heard any conversations they were eavesdropping."

"I don't give a damn, how the conversation was heard. "I'm just glad it was, and I heard about it, before this thing escalated any further."

"Dr. Shepherd… Derek, we kissed, we enjoyed each other's company, you have broken up with Meredith Grey and I don't see anything wrong with discussing the possibility of having a relationship with you as a friend or something more."

"How can you talk about a relationship, between us? Did you not hear what I told you about Meredith when we had dinner?"

"Of course, but you also said she wasn't ready to make a commitment and you realized you were pushing too hard."

"No, Rose, what I actually said was that she was the love of my life."

"Derek, no matter who we love, if they don't feel the same way about us, that's when we have to really analyze the situation. That's what I was trying to tell you the other night, about cutting your loses, you need to move on and find someone that does want the same things."

"You really believe, after our conversation that I want to cut my losses, that I could ever," he emphasized, "think of her in those terms," he spat angrily. "That I would have or want, any reason to move on?"

"Derek, really, this is silly. We're two adults we kissed, we liked it, and now you regret it. There's no reason we can't put this behind us and be friends," she said and extended her hand, much as she'd done when George had overhead the conversation between them.

"You don't get it, do you."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"No, you don't. Yes, I kissed you, and yes I said some things that I definitely regret, and I did think I was free to ask you out to dinner. But, by my own stupid behavior I hurt her, and what I should have done, when you came to my office the other night was to make sure she did not walk away. Instead, I let her leave, and was stupid enough to believe you wanted to be a friend, to offer a woman's perspective and I made one of the biggest mistakes of my life in going to dinner, instead of having gone straight to Meredith and begged her forgiveness."

"Fine," she said, "you've made your position perfectly clear."

"No, Rose, I don't think I have. And just in case there is any doubt, let me repeat myself. Meredith Grey is the woman I love, she is the only woman that I have ever truly loved, and as a result of my stupidity and selfishness and God probably knows what other insecurities, I have hurt her, and I will not do anything else, ever, to cause her to doubt my feelings for her again."

"That's entirely up to you, if you want to be a fool," she snorted, "and if you think she feels the same way about you. Because the way she pushes you away and avoids making a commitment to you, is a sure sign she does not."

"What I can't believe is how I could be so fooled by you. That I actually thought you were a sweet and caring individual."

"My mistake as well, I thought you were a smart enough man to recognize when a woman doesn't care enough to give him what he wants."

"Don't you dare," he yelled, "don't you dare speak about her ever again."

"There won't be any reason to ever bring her or this up again. Is there anything else, Dr. Shepherd," she said and he heard the tremble in her voice.

"Yes."

Derek Shepherd was not such an uncaring and unfeeling bastard, and felt he had to make some small attempt to be civil, and at some level, he acknowledge to himself he had misled her, but certainly not to warrant her misconstruing his comments.

"Please finish, I have to scrub in."

"Look, Rose, I'm not usually this much of a hard ass, and maybe, under other circumstances, we might still be friends. But that is not the case, not anymore, and to clear up any further doubt, if I misled you, it was certainly not my intention…"

She interrupted him, "I appreciate your comment, but don't worry, you don't have to say anything else. I understand your message loud and clear."

"Thank you."

"Good day Dr. Shepherd."

Derek remained in the room several minutes after she left, and couldn't help but replay her words in his mind, that if Meredith loved him, she'd be willing to offer what he wants. The jury was still out on that he thought, and felt his heart constrict slightly with pain.

Time only would tell if he could fully redeem himself in her eyes, and if she would ever trust him enough, have faith enough in him that he might one day hear the words he most longed to hear from her lips…he'd picked her, he'd chosen her and he loved her.

Meredith loving him was still to be decided, and that would be his burden to carry until she was able to trust him again and hopefully one day, not too far into the future, consider saying those words to him again.

_AN - This was a very difficult chapter to write because it was so important to end this. Ch 35/36 are written, and I must say they may very well be my 2 favorite thus far. Thanks for all the reviews on this last one...hope you are pleased with the result of this chapter. I'm flying to LA in the morning, and in fact will attend the Grey's Benefit - Good Medicin, and be back home on Monday... so I'll check in and try to post 35 before I leave._


	35. Chapter 35

**Ch 35 – Pampering **

"I never realized how much work revolved around that office window."

"Dr. Shepherd, what ever do you mean?"

"Only that you seem to have strategy down to a science Amy, and not once was there a missing ear during my conversation with Rose."

"We were not eavesdropping, if that's what you're implying."

"Oh, I'm not implying anything Steph, I'm stating a fact."

"That's not very complimentary to us…"

"Lisette, it wasn't a coincidence I paged her to this floor."

"What? You set us up?"

"Help me out here, Tracy, this is one rumor I won't mind if it spreads like wildfire."

"You mean you want us to repeat what we heard….well, I mean… you were not trying to be quiet, we couldn't help but hear."

"Let's get this straight…what would you say the rumor should be…" he laughed.

"Very simple… McDreamy is on his way back…

"He chastised the scrub nurse and told her never to speak about Dr. Grey again"

"Admitted kissing her only helped him realize there's only one woman he loves."

"Not to mention that good morning kiss…" Tracy laughed.

"I thought so…didn't miss a word… carry on ladies…have a good day," he winked.

"McDreamy is definitely on his way back…"

----------------------

"Good morning ladies…our earlier briefing was thwarted with Shep's presence…what's the latest GS update?"

"Dr. Sloan, you are not going to believe this…"

"Amy spill."

"Really amazing…"

"Ok… can one of you take over here and give me a full update, rather than half sentences."

"Dr. Sloan, we were really surprised with all that happened, and it started this morning when Dr. Shepherd came up to the station and kissed Dr. Grey."

"That takes care of last night's bet."

"Did you win?"

"No Steph, I bet they wouldn't talk to each other. Based on past experience they're too pigheaded to figure things out like normal people.

"This is getting more interesting by the day…"

"It's not over yet," Tracy commented, and proceeded to bring him up to date."

"I'm still holding to my 23 days… they'll find a way to screw it up."

"Dr. Sloan, that is not nice, you did not see them this morning, and he's determined."

"Tracy, let's just wait and see… meanwhile, you joining at Joe's tonight?"

"To baby-sit?

"What?"

"You and Dr. Hahn," she laughed.

"That's an interesting possibility…you…me…Hahn…but, no, just you and me tonight."

"Dr. Sloan! That is not what I meant."

"Neither did I, but too easy to pass up on that."

"I'm up to some fun…if you are," she teased.

"Always darling… always up to some fun…" he smiled and walked away.

Meredith and Derek had spent hours tied up with work, and it wasn't till late in the morning they had any communication.

"Lunch?" he sent by text.

"Caf 1?"

"Yes."

"Hey," she heard him say, as he caught up with her before entering the cafeteria.

"How's your day going?"

"Good….took care of things I needed to. Yours?"

"Interns are idiots sometimes…and I know, I was not anything like that. I had a very good group."

"Speaking of …" he motioned to the table where Alex, Izzie and George were sitting.

"We don't have to sit with them."

"It's ok, I don't mind…but they might."

"That would be their problem. But, can we just sit alone?"

"I'd like nothing better," he said as they acknowledged her friends, and went to grab lunch.

Derek looked at her tray and commented, "two pieces of cheesecake…not very nutritious."

"One's for you," she lied.

"Of course it is."

"It has fruit, look at the strawberries."

"I give up… cheesecake, fries and grilled cheese."

"I don't get on your case about your awful taste in food," she teased him as they relaxed in each other's company.

"If it isn't the hero himself," they heard and both raised their heads at the same time.

"Look, Cristina, I told you yesterday, and I'm going to tell you again. If you can't be nice, just shut the hell up."

"Mer, I'm giving him a compliment."

"Yeah and aiming the next dart."

"Seriously…rumor is McDreamy is on his way back."

"Oh, I've just had it with this. Let's eat lunch in peace."

"Mer, you really don't know."

"Don't know what?" she snapped.

"Oh this is going to be interesting…" she said and sat down uninvited.

"Hi Meredith, Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Yang."

"It's Derek, Lexie, join us."

"Oh no… thanks…but…just saying hi, I'm just going to go…and…"

"Sit down Lexie," ordered Cristina, "just what I needed, 2 ramblers."

Lexie looked down a bit embarrassed, and Meredith just glared at Cristina.

"Seriously Cristina, stop with the sarcasm."

"I will if you stop being this softy…feely person. Lexie, fill Mer in on today's gossip about McHero."

"Who? Oh… you mean …oh…sorry Mer…I know you don't like…to you know…"

"Derek, what in the hell is going on?"

"I have no idea what they're talking about."

"Oh… sharp Shepherd, very sharp."

"Let me fill you in," she recounted the gossip and ended with, "so you see Meredith, seems like McDreamy is making some headway… I just hope you're not stupid enough to fall for all of it in a day."

"Cristina! I've had it," she said and started to get up, but Derek held her down.

"Finish your lunch, we'll talk later."

"So, Lexie, tell me, what's it like working with Dr. Yang?"

Meredith and Derek walked out of the cafeteria together and immediately the buzz rose to new levels of speculation.

They walked to his office and he told her about his conversation with the nurse.

"You stood up for me," she stated.

"Of course I did."

"So, you're not going to be … you know trying to be friends with her?"

"No, I'm not. I made it clear you're the only woman I'm interested in."

"Thank you."

"You don't have to thank me. I wanted to clear things up as soon as possible. I don't want any more misunderstandings between us, I want us to have a chance to work things out and I know how you felt about that."

They were sitting side by side on a small couch in his office, and she leaned in and placed a soft kiss on is lips, before fully observing the emotions displayed on his face.

"Derek, why are you sad?"

"I'm not, I'm happy we're talking…trying to work things out."

"But you look sad, it is because of me?"

"Why are you always placing the blame on yourself?"

She shrugged, "what you did, talking to her, it means a lot to me, but I'm thinking you said she was your friend, maybe your sad you can't…I mean…you won't have that anymore."

"Meredith, I am sad."

"Oh, I was right?"

"No. I'm sad because I hurt you, and I realize it may be a long time before you're ever ready to trust me with your heart."

She wanted to scream 'I do… I do… I do…don't you see, right now, I'm trusting you..' instead she said, "I'm here…Derek… can that be enough for now?"

"It's enough… for as long as you need," he told her as he gently caressed her face, and pulled her into his arms and just held her.

Her pager went off minutes later, and she got up to leave, and a bit hesitant at first, she asked him, "do you…want… I maybe you're already busy, but maybe if you're not, we could…we could spend some time together tonight…I mean we're not fighting…and it would be nice… just, just to spend some time together?"

"I'd love to. Do you want to grab a bite to eat?"

"No…I mean yes… we have to eat, but maybe…maybe you can just come over, and we can spend a quiet evening at home."

"Are you inviting me to dinner, or am I expected to cook?"

"I was thinking we could pick something up at the store…pasta maybe…" she smiled hesitantly.

"Uhm…so, I am being used for my culinary skills."

"Among other things," she teased.

They met up at the end of the day and he noticed how tired she looked, and instead of going to the store together he offered to go himself.

"Hey, it's been a long day, why don't I go to the store, and you go home, take a long bath and I'll let you know when dinner's ready."

"You're spoiling me," she told him when he opened her car door for and waited for her to get in.

"Yeah…and you're letting me," he said and lightly kissed her lips.

"I'm definitely letting you tonight…here's my key, so you don't disturb my bath time and force me to come open the door in only my bath towel."

"Don't make promises you can't keep."

"Who said I can't?" she teased light heartedly.

"Uhm…" he answered, knowing she was not too resistant to his advances.

"Neither should you…Derek…not the time to try to get me all hot and bothered,"

she told him as she pressed her lips to his.

"Two can play at this game, you know," he murmured in low seductive tone.

"I'm sorry…Derek, I'm sorry, I shouldn't be teasing you…I'm not…I'm not ready for more right now."

"It's ok…at least I know you haven't lost all interest for me."

"You…don't have to go to the store…I mean it's ok…we don't have to…"

"Meredith, go home, have a long bath…and we'll have dinner."

More than an hour later, he went upstairs to call her for dinner.

"Meredith," he knocked lightly at her door, and hearing no answer, opened it and saw she was still in the tub. She was resting her head back against the tub and had fallen asleep.

Bailey was right she looked so fragile and vulnerable right now, he didn't want to risk doing or saying anything to upset her, when he knew, he was responsible for what she was feeling. He recalled the night she came to tell him she didn't want him to date anyone else. There'd been a light of hopeful expectation in her eyes, and he'd turned it around and ruined it with his flirtation with the nurse.

"Meredith," he nudged lightly, urging her to awaken, "you fell asleep, come on, I've got a towel for you." She looked around disoriented, and when she saw him standing there, reaching out to her to help her out of the tub, all she could do was smile and accept his pampering, as he wrapped her in the towel and then began to gently dry her off.

_AN 2/29 - Just got to LAX and so looking forward to Good Medicine tonight. I will post some tidibits from the show sometime tomorrow. No matter how much I proof read there's always one more error.. just fixed one. This is one of my favorite chapter endings...and as angry as I was with Derek at the beggining for kissing and asking that woman out...he redeemed himself just a tiny bit. Hope you like it. _


	36. Chapter 36

**Ch 36 - Cuddling **

Meredith allowed herself to bask in the luxury of his tender care and gentle caresses. It had been so long, so long since he had been in this room. She felt a bit melancholy when she couldn't remember the last time they had simply laid on her bed and held each other all night long.

He finished his tender ministrations and reached for a dry towel, wrapping it around her and gently turning her to face him. They stood gazing at each other as if for the first time after months of absence from each other's lives, and he reached for her and just held her in his arms.

"I love you Meredith," he told her as he lightly kissed her forehead.

He felt her tremble and heard her sigh, as she buried herself closer in his embrace, holding on to him as though she'd never let go, and then he felt her tears dampen his shirt.

"Please, don't …Meredith, don't cry. I feel that's all you've done, the last couple of days, and I know I'm the only one responsible, and I'm so sorry, so sorry for what I've done to make you feel this way."

She pulled away slightly and pressed her lips to his, he could taste her tears and his heart felt like it would break, as he was suddenly transported back to the day she kissed him and told him she didn't want to hate him anymore.

She smiled softly and said, "no more tears," as she brushed them away.

He lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her gently at first and soon they were both lost in a world of passion and desire that left them breathless.

"Meredith," he whispered, his voice hoarse with desire, "we have to stop…I'm sorry…I know you're not ready…I don't want to pressure you…."

"Derek…I want you…I do…but…so much has happened… I …just…"

"It's ok…well…it's not ok…" he joked teasing her, "but… I'll wait…I'll wait till you're ready…but, you're going to have to change into something more than a towel…"

She leaned in and kissed him lightly and walked into the bedroom to change.

She threw on her a pair of grey sweat pants and her old Dartmouth t-shirt and joined him in the kitchen a few minutes later.

He had served them each a plate of food and they sat across each other at the kitchen table.

"This is really good, thanks for cooking."

"Well, I can't very well let you starve, since apparently Izzie is on call tonight."

"I would have found something to eat, and besides George and Lexie always manage to come up with food."

"So there was no need for me to come over…uhmm… that's good to know."

"There was a need."

"Was there?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"I needed you…tonight…I needed you here with me."

He reached out and their hands met across the table.

"Did you bring desert?"

"Your favorite cheesecake…"

"You brought me cheesecake from …"

"Your favorite place…"

"Oh…that was … thank you."

"You're welcome."

"It's only fair I do dishes…"

"What's going on with you and Cristina?"

"What do you mean?"

"Earlier today and at Joe's, you've been…"

"Vocal about her sarcasm…"

"It doesn't usually bother you."

"You're right, it's just that lately, she just doesn't quit, and it gets tiring, to always have to defend what I do or say."

"Uhmm..."

"What aren't you saying?"

"Nothing."

"Derek nothing… or Meredith nothing?"

"Meredith nothing."

"You can tell me what you think, I'm not totally blind to her shortcomings."

"Let's just say, I don't always think she takes into account that you are a sensitive, caring individual… and I think she should."

"I know… but she's my friend."

"I get that…and she's been there for you."

"Yes…and lately, well I've just been feeling like I don't want to always hear such harshness."

"I'm proud of you Meredith, I was today, when you stood up for your Lexie."

"Ah…Lexie…"

"What…I haven't said anything."

"But she has…you two seem to have lots of conversations."

"We have a lot of in common."

"You what," she questioned…

"You, Meredith, we have you in common."

"Oh…"

"She's nice. I'm glad the two of your are getting to know each other."

"I was wrong about her, she's sweet and caring and compassionate, and she's being a good friend right now."

"Uhmm…"

"I could describe you exactly the same way…"

"If you ever consider flirting with her again…you're both dead."

"Jealous…"

"I don't get jealous…"

He laughed and reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, "you don't need to be, you're the only woman I want in my life."

They finished their meal and cleaned up the kitchen, and went to sit on the couch after switching on a movie. Derek held her in his arms as she snuggled closer and soon the emotions of the day had them both falling asleep, and that was how Lexie and George found them when they arrived home a couple of hours later.

"George, don't make any noise…look… maybe their finding a way to work things out."

Though they were quiet, there was enough commotion that Derek was awakened and Meredith stirred in his arms and yawned.

"Hi guys…did you just get home?"

"Yes, sorry we didn't mean to disturb you."

"It's ok…didn't even realize we'd fallen asleep and it must be late, I need to go."

"Did you find a place?"

"Not yet…but we're trying, Mer, so we can get out of your hair… I mean… George is the one here…but I've been spending so much time here…that I really need to just go home tonight…and you know... not impose…"

"Lexie…you're not imposing."

"Don't say it…" Meredith told Derek as she saw him smirk.

"I can't help it… I've never seen two people ramble on like you two."

"Listen guys… Mer.. really if you don't mind.. I'll stay…and call it a night."

"I don't mind…good night guys."

Meredith and Derek found themselves alone and they snuggled close together. "I have to go, it's late."

"Derek…you could stay…"

"You want me to stay?"

"Yes… if you want…I mean... it's a lot to ask, I know… cause I'm not ready for us…"

He silenced her with a gentle kiss, "would you like me to stay and just hold you all through the night?"

"Would you, please…"

He released her from his embrace and got up from the couch extending his hand to her,

and walked with her towards her room.

He still had some clothing and toiletries at her house which made them feel they were back to the times they had been a couple, before either could have anticipated the situation they would be in right now.

He joined her in bed a few minutes later pulling her into his arms, spooning her and taking in the lavender of her scent.

He felt at peace, he felt at home.

She felt…simply felt…safe.

"Meredith, stop thinking, go to sleep."

"How do you know I'm thinking?"

"I can feel you."

"You can feel me thinking, Derek's that's impossible."

"When I hold you in my arms, I can feel your every emotion."

"Oh…"

"Uhmm…"

She snuggled closer, and he heard her take a deep breath. "Now you're trying to keep from crying…is it so bad… me being here with you…?

She turned to face him, each lying on their side, "oh no… please…don't think that…but it's not that… " she turned to face him.

"Then what?"

"I've missed you so much…and I'm still so afraid that we….we won't…we aren't meant to make it…"

"Let's just take it one day at a time…"

"You're going to be ok with that…"

"It's going to be ok… and I assure you, we're meant to make it."

"Derek…can I ask you something?"

"You can ask me anything."

"I don't want you to get angry with me."

"I won't."

"You don't even know what I'm going to ask you yet ."

"No, but you've already told me it's something you think might make me angry, and I will make sure that I listen to what you want to say before I react."

"When we were arguing… last night…you said …… we …..we crossed the line Derek….the things you said…. and I almost slapped you…"

"I was angry, and I said things I should never have said."

"But you did…"

"Yes… yes… I did…and I'm sorry, you didn't deserve that."

"Derek, we've really hurt each other."

"Yes, we have."

"Do you think…we can get past all that?"

"I love you, and I'm not going to give up on us…"

"I don't mean to… I don't mean to shut you out or turn away."

"I know you don't… but you still do, he told her honestly, and it hurts just the same."

"And…you're….you're still willing to try…and I'm not ready…I want to be... but…"

"Shush…how about we just get ready together…because I've come to realize, I haven't been very supportive or recognized you have…had been trying…"

"I was…I wish I could be bright and shiny for you… but I don't know that you'll ever get more than dark and twisty from me ."

"Meredith… I told you once before… I may not be cut out for bright and shiny either."

"You remember…" she smiled.

"How can I ever forget sharing a bathtub with you, even if all we did is soak till we turned into prunes."

"I've never cared about what anyone thought of me…couldn't afford to, if I was going to survive, and Alex may not be too far off when he says I was raised by wolves, she joked, though he could hear the sadness in her voice creeping through."

"You should be proud of who you are and all you have accomplished, on your own."

She was not used to many compliments and when she heard them, they went ignored most of the time.

"When I met you…I began to care... I care what you think…and you said some things… some things that just weren't true and you weren't being very fair."

"Again, I'm sorry that I hurt you…more than you can possibly know."

"You said I hurt you every time I got drunk and brought someone home."

"I had no right to say that."

"It's not about having rights... it's about ... how we react... how we feel."

"You said you never cheated on me…and technically that may have been right... but it didn't hurt any less."

"Derek…when you and I have been together…. I have never been with anyone else…"

"Meredith... it's ok…it's in the past…"

"No…it doesn't seem to be."

"Look, I believe you… when we were together, before Addison … I believe you…"

"So, you're doubting what I'm saying…"

"No," he said, though he was pouting.

"Derek, I'm not proud of the drunken nights and inappropriate guys….but it didn't mean anything… and you'd chosen Addison…and getting drunk was the only way I had to cope…and we were over…and then I realized it wasn't what I wanted…and stopped… because none of that mattered anymore…"

"Meredith, it's never been over between us… and I get it…at that time…I had no right to expect… but… still …it hurt."

"You had a wife, and I had no one. It wasn't the best way to deal with it, but I dealt with it…"

"Until you started knitting…" he laughed, attempting to bring a bit of lightness to the mood that had been created.

"Knitting…it didn't help you know…"

"What? The knitting…"

"None of it… trying to forget you… it didn't help…because you were ever present in my mind…in my heart and I ached for you each night…"

"Oh, Meredith….there are so many things I would change…I'd never have attempted to make my marriage work…so many things…"

"It's ok… we just need to learn from that… I guess… maybe it may help us now…"

"I've lied to you Mer…"

"What???"

"About not being jealous…I was consumed by it… unable to function properly anytime

I thought of you with someone else… especially ….when it wasn't just one night, especially then…"

"You mean Finn."

"Yeah…that consumed me alive."

"Derek… if we're trying… trying to move forward… make things work between us shouldn't we… I mean…should we try to be really honest with each other…"

"Yes, of course… that's the only way I think this will work"

"I think we're going to need to spend a lot of time talking Derek… and I'm not used to that."

"Well… what about I take your advice …and we do like you suggested… little steps… one step at a time…"

"Derek…about being honest…"

"Yes…"

"There was no need to be jealous…"

"Are you referring to one particular situation?"

"Yes…"

"Uhm..."

"I never slept with Finn."

_AN Hope you enjoy this chapter, the last line is my way of addressing an issue I always wanted Meredith and Derek to discuss on Grey's. Nothing like communication to avoid situations such as "can't trust you." Will update again when I get back home. _

_I'm also posting Good Medicine Summary and will update on that same page the rest of last night's show next week. _


	37. Good Medicine Summary

Good Medicine - Friday, February 29, 2008

Many of you have commented you'd like to hear about the event, so I'm going to post this first bit of information, and when I get back home will give more details. I will keep adding to this document.

Because I so very much appreciate the fact that you are reading this story… and commenting!!! I'll provide as many details when I get back home. There were no spoilers… unless it went totally over my head… but if there's a fanfic out there that has a werewolf or Lord George O'Malley and Izzie as governess… yeah… they were quoted in two comedic spoofs.

It was a delightful evening, and I'm so glad I made the decision to fly out for the weekend. It was perfect opportunity to combine visiting with friends.

At the end… Eric Dane who is prettier, hotter, steamier up close took the time to approach small group of people probably no more than 35 waiting at the stage door and provided autographs. Ellen Pompeo did the same, and was incredibly gracious and lovely, and spent time posing for photos and providing autographs I'd say well over 15-20 minutes. They do not do her justice with her appearance on Grey's. She is lovely and very pretty.

The look of the program:

Probably appropriately so for Grey's fans that analyze every nuance of details… the background colors are light lavender shades on the cover and light grey shadings on the inside with white stars interspersed.

Program Note: Inside Cover

Sol here was a strike. The writers went on strike Which was …strike-y. We believed in it and we felt good about it and, more important, we felt RIGHT about it. But the downside was that the strike put a lot of people out of work for a long time. I put the people we love and respect the most out of work – our crew members. The people who work on he crews put in the longest hours, work the hardest and do more for us than most people who do not work in television realize. They are the backbone of any good show. And, for me, they are the backbone of two good shows: Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.

We waned to do something for our crews. The actors wanted to do something, the writers wanted to do something, the executive producers wanted to do something. We wanted to show our love and we wanted to raise some money. Because even though we are starting production on tour shows again, many crew members, will never be able to make up the money lost in the strike. And they have kids and mortgages and car payments and light bills. Thus, GOOD MEDICINE was born.

Good Medicine is our than you. To the crews for their very hard work. .And to the fans for waiting so patiently during reruns. TR Knight (known to most of you as George O'Malley) worked his tail off to make this happen. As did Grey's writers Tony Phelan and Krista Vernoff. As did Marti Noxon from Private Practice. And Betsy Beers (who works on both shows( did a great deal for bring it together. And a lot of other people. Too many to name.

Right now, Audra MacDonald is backstage warming up for her four-time-Tony Winning Voice. Sara Ramirez has got a Tony in her house as well and she's getting ready to blow those magnificent pipes. Chandra Wilson and TR Knight are pacing back and forth in the wings – and they both have Broadway-singing chops themselves. Paul Adelstein , Chris L0well, Tim Daly, Amy Brenneman- they all have something special planned. Our lady of movies, Katherine Heigl is back there, excited and ready to go. The Chief Jim Pickens has brought along his wife Gina – she's a famous singer, you know. Sandra OH, Justin Chambers, Eric Dane, Chyler Leigh and Brooke Smith have all got something going on for you. And Ellen Pompeo ( I call her "Elle") is here to see all of you. There are also a few special guests what we hope will make you happy. They are backstage doing a lot of pacing as well. Everyone is nervous.

But more than nervous, everyone is grateful. So very grateful to be working. So happy to be here with you. So thrilled to be able to share this how. And so very very thankful that you came to see it. WE love our fans. WE love our crew. And we are happy to provide, if only for one night, a little Good Medicine.

Thank you,

Shonda Rhimes

Creater and Executive Producer, Grey's Anatomy and Private Practice.


	38. Chapter 37A

**Ch 37 – Unworthy **

He was stunned and speechless. Of all the things she could have told him, this was the last thing he would have ever expected. It was unthinkable.

The wind had literally been knocked out of him, and he was finding it difficult to breathe. He couldn't find the courage to say anything. All he could do was panic. Panic and cringe at the impact of her words.

Memories rushed back through his mind, and he found it impossible to accept that so many of his actions had been based on misconceptions. Impossible to grasp the full meaning of the damage he'd caused and yet she had been willing to give him another chance.

After he went back to Addison and especially as they neared the end, much of his relationship with Meredith had been based on the fact that she'd had a relationship with Finn, and now she was telling him she had never been sexually intimate with him.

"Derek, please say something, you're scaring me… please, I'm trying here…the honesty…being open…don't shut me out…"

He looked at her, but was unable to meet her gaze, because all he could see were flashes of her face and the heartache he'd caused as a result of his jealousy and misconceptions.

He had called her a whore, and he vividly recalled her reaction, as though he had struck her, but she had stood her ground, throwing back the words at him, refusing to allow him to judge her, but it hadn't been enough for him to see the look of pain in her face, and adding salt to the injury he had dismissively told her it was over between them.

"I'm so sorry…" he muttered, unable to find anything else to say.

She reached out to touch him and gently placed her hand on his shoulder, "I didn't tell you this for you to apologize… I just thought… well… there have been so many things we just leave hanging in the air, and don't talk...and…this … this was something that I wanted you to know…"

"Why…why didn't you tell me when I acted like such an ass?"

"You had chosen to stay with Addison. It didn't seem to matter, not then…you'd already made your own assumptions…and nothing could really change…you were with her…it wasn't my place to say anything then."

"Meredith…I'm so sorry…the things I said…the things I did…how… how can you ever…why would you even want to…" he shifted his body and laid on his back, staring straight ahead, raising his arm and resting his closed fist on his forehead.

"Derek," she said, moving closer and slightly turning his face to look at her. "It matters now…it matters to me now…if we're going to make things work… and …we're starting to communicate… and well…you've told me I don't trust you, and maybe…maybe I've acted that way, because I don't know any other way… and lots of things have happened between us… but tonight…it just felt like I needed you to know…that maybe you could see that I' trying here… and let you understand my feelings…that…that I am trusting you with my feelings…because even then…I already knew no one else could matter like you did…and …I couldn't be involved with him."

He abruptly got up from the bed, and paced around the room while running his hands through his hair before coming to a stop in front of her. She raised herself to a sitting position and met his stare.

"Why…" he paused and swallowed past the ever growing lump in his throat, "how… how…could you possibly have me back in your life after the way I treated you?"

She saw his eyes cloud with doubts and fears and quickly rose to stand in front of him.

"Derek, it's not a big deal," she said as she placed her hands on his arms and gently caressed them, "it's in the past. Just one of those things we leave unsaid…we don't discuss important things…until things get really bad, and we need to change that, if we're going to really try... and I just wanted us to clear that up between us… I wanted you to know that even then... even then…though I may not always tell you, or show you…I was … I was… committed to us…even if I don't always say the right things or react the right way…"

"Oh my God," he gasped, pulling away from her touch.

"What… Derek, what…what's wrong…"

"I have … I have to go…" he said and started to walk away.

"No… no… no…" she reached out, pulling on him to keep him from moving to the door, and again forcing him to face her. "Don't you dare walk out… don't because if you do… I swear … I swear I won't let you back in…"

"I need to … I need to breathe…"

"Just talk to me… talk to me please," she urged, "just talk to me…"

"I called you…I …Oh, God, I called you a whore ... I can't...can't stay…"

She faced him squarely, and though he saw the tears in her eyes, she didn't waver.

"If you walk out now…Derek…if you walk out on me now…don't come back….if you leave me…it you leave me tonight, I'm never going to forgive you… not now…"

"Think…" he stopped to take a deep breath… "I need to think…I'm not… I'm not leaving…I'll be back…just need to think ," he said and rushed out of the room as though he was being chased by a thousand demons.

The house was deathly quiet. The silent ticking of the clock reflected the red glare of the numbers on the alarm clock. The minutes passed and it was driving her insane. But, she understood, she of all people understood the need for his time alone, and she had let him walk out her room. She'd gone to sit on the chair and contemplated what had caused him to react so strongly. It had been something that had nagged at her for a long time, that they had never discussed it… that she never became intimate with Finn, and suddenly it seemed relevant to them being able to move forward. She had thought he'd be happy to know, since he'd been so insanely jealous.

Unable to wait any longer, she looked outside and confirmed his car was still there, but he'd been gone over thirty minutes and she didn't think this was the time for him to be alone. They should be discussing this together and she decided to seek him out and deal with the situation.

She went downstairs and didn't find him, and then saw a slight movement through the glass door. He was standing on the patio, elbows placed on the brick ledge and his head buried in his hands, and she could see his shoulders shaking…he was crying…completely broken as he stood alone in the cold, wearing only his pajama pants and short sleeved t-shirt, and only the darkness of the night to accompany him in his despair.

She rushed out of the room and picked up the lavender throw and raced to the back door, opening it slowly, quietly as not to startle him. She approached him, placing it around him, and felt his body become completely rigid.

"Please, come inside, it's freezing out here…" she whispered as she wrapped her arms around him, laying her face on his back, and wrapping her arms even tighter around him.

"Come inside."

"It's…it's…I can't…"

"You want me to freeze to death out here too," she teased.

"Please, just go inside… I'll be in later."

She unwrapped her arms from around him, and forced her way to stand in front of him. This time, wrapping her arms around his waist and laying her face on his chest, she murmured, "you're going to have to wrap us both up in this to keep us warm, because I'm not leaving you out here."

He remained unbending, and she looked up at him…"I'm not going to change my mind. I'll stay out here as long as you do… but it would be a lot warmer if we go inside."

He finally gave in, knowing full well he had not seen her this determined in some time. It was almost as though bossy Meredith was back, and he allowed her to reach for his hand and lead him back to the warmth of the house. Once inside, she pulled him down to sit beside her on the couch, then wrapped him in the throw to keep him warm and keep him from shivering.

"I'm going to get you something warm to drink. Ok."

"No…"

"Relax, I'm not going to cook," she said in an unsuccessful attempt to lighten his mood,

"maybe just a cup of tea."

"No, I don't want anything."

She was not going to make him change his mind, so she sat down next to him. "I shouldn't have said anything. It doesn't even matter anymore. I didn't think it would upset you…thought I thought you'd be pleased."

"Pleased," he said raising his voice, at the same time he got up, discarding the throw she'd wrapped around him. "How…how the hell can I be pleased when that damn assumption led me to say awful things to you…things that were unfounded and unforgivable…Why the hell are you still even willing to give me another chance?"

She too got up, and went to stand in front of him. "Because as scary as it is, as many issues as I still have…I don't want to imagine my life without you."

"I called you ….I called you…a …whore… Meredith, I called you a whore."

"Yes, you did, and I'm not going to lie to you…you broke my heart…and then when you said…"

He interrupted her, "I stood in the staircase and accused you of being a whore…and stood there passing judgment and threw George at your face…you're right…you had trusted me…trusted and confided in me…" he said with tears in his eyes, "and instead, I threw that back in your face…and…" he paused to compose himself.

"Don't do this, we don't have to go back… really... I'm sorry I brought it up…look at where we are now…we were laying in bed… talking…talking Derek…for the first time really trying to talk, and I should have just kept quiet."

"No, you're right…we can't continue to just keep quiet…we'll never get through this…if we're not honest. But, the things I've said to you…how I treated you…they're unforgivable."

"Yet…I'm willing to forgive you…so why can't you forgive yourself?"

"I stood there, full of anger and jealousy, and called you a whore…and had I but listened to you…all day you'd been trying to talk to me…had I listened … we could have avoided so much….so much hurt…"

"But you didn't."

"I'm sorry…Meredith… I'm sorry… I know those words don't even begin to justify what I said… but… I am so deeply sorry…for hurting you yet again, and all of it unfounded…. how can you want to forgive me… I acted like a total ass…I wouldn't listen… I just …"

"Derek…do you remember…that day… you told me to take responsibility for my actions…for once in your life…you said, to take responsibility for my actions…"

"Oh, God…yes…yes… I remember…how ironic…I didn't even …haven't even… taken responsibility for my own…"

"That's not why I said that…I just want you to know…now, I'm trying to do that…and maybe… if we do that…if we do that together…we can make it…I want us to make it…Derek…I really really do…" she grabbed his hand, and led him to the couch.

They both sat down, his physical and emotional distance separating them, but she

was not willing to let that stop her, not when she'd come this far, not when even she failed to recognize some of her actions lately. All she knew is they were worth fighting fore… the lifetime he wanted…the dreams…her dreams… ones she'd just recently begun to believe in…hope for...hope that they could indeed come true…all of this was worth fighting for and there was too much at risk for her to even consider giving up now.

She snuggled closer to him, but he did not make any move to touch or hold her.

"Derek, why don't you want to touch me?" she asked softly.

"I don't feel worthy of touching you."

_AN Thanks to all of you for reading and especially for leaving comments...there's only 2 comments for last chapter... but this is for those of you that did... hope you like the direction the conversation has taken. I'll post again when there's at least 5 comments. _


	39. Chapter 39

**Ch 38 – The next steps**

"Oh…Derek…you …you can't do that…"

"Do what…"

"Deny me something I really want…and need…"

"How can you…how can you want me or need me, how can you need someone that has only made you miserable…and caused you pain…" he told her as he kept his head down, unable to make eye contact with her.

She pulled back slightly and placed her hand under his chin, lifting it softly, forcing him to be at eye level with her. "Listen to me…it's been tough…things have not been easy…but…still I'm here… we're here …and I want to believe you… I want to believe you when you say you love me…and if you do…"

"You know I love you."

"Do you Derek? Do you love me…or is it that you feel you have to say it...that for some reason… maybe guilt, you have to tell me that. Maybe…maybe all this that's happened with ….with….her…is that you've realized you're not sure… and you want to walk away. It's ok…if you tell me now…that's what you want…I'll be fine…" she said barely loud enough to hear.

"I see," he said, "so if I tell you I don't really love you, and that you're right, that I do want to walk away, you'll be fine."

"Yes," she lied.

She was pushing all his buttons, because she needed his reassurance, and in some way also to reassure him she needed him, she hoped with her words, she was reassuring him. But, she what she wasn't expecting his answer.

"Ok, then. Meredith, you're right, I did want to walk away."

"Oh…" she gasped and he saw her moving away from him, "ok…it's ok…I said…I said I would be fine…if that's what you … if that's what you wanted…it's ok… we're being honest. It's ok," she ended with a slight catch in her voice, and he noticed her hands resting unmoving, one on top of the other, and her gaze looking down.

"Meredith," he said as he placed his hand on top of hers. "I did want to walk away. Tonight, I wanted to walk away in shame, for the things I had said to you."

He saw the tears in her eyes, making them sparkle, and raised her hand to his lips and softly kissed it. "But, I don't feel the way you've said… I don't have to tell you I love you… I want to tell you…I've told you…many months ago, I told you … and it's still the case… I've been in love with you forever."

"Then," she said meeting his gaze, both reflecting unshed tears, "if you love me, how can you be unworthy of touching me, when I'm here, asking you to? Telling you I want you to touch me and hold me…and that I need to know you want to be in my arms as much as I want to be in yours…"

Derek leaned in to her and softly kissed her lips, and then gathered her close to him in a gentle and loving embrace.

"So… you were going to be fine…if I walked away?"

She tensed slightly, "no, but I needed to know if that's what you wanted…and I was hoping you wouldn't waste too much time feeling unworthy…or that it would take me too long in getting you to admit you needed me too."

"So…I've been played by a master…getting me to admit…"

"No, you just needed a little push…to help you decide what you wanted," she teased, and opted to remind him how much fun being played by a master could be, and soon found herself stretched out on the coach with him on top of her.

"Meredith…" he said slightly out of breath, "where you're concerned, I don't really want to play the gentleman…but I will…cause…we …we can't…unless you've changed your mind."

"Do you want me to change my mind," she murmured against his lips.

"Is there any doubt in your mind," he said as he continued to kiss her, stroke her and she could feel his erection pressing against her.

"No…" she moaned… "no doubts…at all…"

"Mer…Mer…we…we…" he murmured taking small breaths…"we need to stop…now."

She stopped abruptly, "oh Derek….I'm sorry…sorry… I didn't mean …I want to… I do… but can…can…we…wait…"

"Yes," he kissed her lips lightly. "Yes. It's going to kill me…but…yes…I told you… I'd wait, till you're ready."

He sat up on the couch, pulling her to a sitting position as well.

She looked at him, a small smile on her face… "I… I …won't make us wait…not long…just…right now…it's soon…so soon."

"It's ok."

"I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"Drinking too much water lately…be right back."

He watched her walk away and went to the kitchen, bringing back two bowls of ice cream. She walked back and sat next to him, smiling at the unexpected gesture.

They'd both found a peaceful serenity in the simplicity of the moment.

"Do you think George and Lexie heard our commotion?"

"No, they're probably out, it was a tough day at the hospital today."

"I like your sister."

"Lexie's nice."

"Are we back to half-sister status?"

"Why would you say that?"

"Just the way you say things sometimes."

"She's been really good to me lately…I'm glad she's been there."

"I'm glad she's been there for you too. But, I am sorry, I'm the reason, you've

needed her."

Almost without realizing what she was doing, she dipped her spoon in his bowl.

"You're eating my ice cream?"

"I've become fond of it lately."

"Really…you weren't too fond of it last week."

"Well…let's just say I've needed comfort food the last few days…"

"And…coffee ice cream was comfort food," he teased.

"Tease all you want," she said as she dipped her spoon again, "it reminded me of you."

His heart warmed at that admission. They'd certainly been through a rollercoaster of emotions over the last several days.

"And…now…I'm here…what's the excuse now…?"

"It doesn't taste as bad as it used to."

"Uhmm… now…if I could only get you to appreciate The Clash."

"In your dreams Shepherd," she laughed, and he joined her as they enjoyed the lightness of the moment.

He gathered her in his arms and simply held her, as he caressed her hair and kiss her gently on her temple.

"You're right, you know."

"About what?"

"That we leave too many things unsaid…Meredith, I'm glad…so glad you're talking to me."

"I want us to be ok, Derek."

"I asked you earlier, what's going on with you and Cristina."

"I told you."

"You talked your way around it."

"Not really. I told you how I felt. But…it's also about her always finding every fault in you…don't get me wrong…you've been an ass… but I know I have some responsibilities too."

"You don't have to defend me Meredith…she's entitled to how she feels."

She reached out for his hand, their fingers intertwined. "She is…but…sometimes, you just want a little support…even if you know you're wrong."

"Am I part of that…the knowing that you're wrong…is being with me part of that?"

"No….no…she's just too harsh right now…some days…she's just a bit too harsh…and I don't think she's really pleased with my relationship with Lexie."

"She's probably jealous."

"Jealous...but why… she knows I'm her person… she's my person, that hasn't changed."

"But it could, and it would change your relationship."

"Derek, just because I'm building a relationship with my sister doesn't mean I'm going to forget Cristina. She knows that."

"I'm sure she does," he smiled at her reference to her sister. . But, it's human nature, we don't always like to share our persons."

"I'll have to make sure she knows things aren't going to change….but….I can't…I can't really go back… now that Lexie…"

"You don't have to. There's room for both of them in your life."

They sat quietly again, and a few minutes later saw Lexie walking towards the kitchen, and stopped when she saw them on the couch.

"Oh…well…I didn't expect to see anyone here…thought you'd been sleeping for a while now….and well, just got up…for a midnight snack…"

"Definitely your sister," Derek whispered against her ear, and she giggled.

"Derek… stop making fun of my rambling."

"What, Xena has bionic ears as well," and all three laughed at his comment. Lexie went to the kitchen, and soon made her way back to her room.

"Good night guys. See you in the morning."

"Good night," both Meredith and Derek told her.

Neither wanted to move from the comfort found in each other's arms, but after a while, Derek decided to voice his thoughts out loud.

"I was so angry at you."

She shifted, but he would not let her move.

"The night… the night Doc got sick and I had to bring him in…and I saw you…at Finn's. I was so angry… so consumed with jealously…the thought that he had touched you, that you'd been in his arms…that he had made love to you."

She didn't know where the conversation was heading, but decided it was important to hear him out; they both needed to get things off their chest.

"But I hadn't been."

"I didn't know it then…" he took a deep breath, "when…when I walked in, and I saw you coming down the stairs…hair freshly washed and wearing one of his shirts…all I could feel was rage…that he had you… and I couldn't."

"You were with your wife Derek…you had moved on. I needed to move on as well."

"Yes, but my anger was just that…that you had moved on…I was being an ass, but I

resented the fact that you had moved on…"

"That's why you acted so horribly to me the next day…you thought I'd been with Finn."

"What else was I supposed to think… when I had seen you …well…you already know."

"If you had let me talk to you…instead of yelling at me and dismissing me…you would have found out, not that it was any of your business at the time, that I had helped birth a horse….and that was the reason I had taken a shower there."

"You went on a date…" he laughed, "and helped birth a horse."

"It was actually an incredible experience."

"Were you falling in love with him?"

"I wanted to have someone…maybe…maybe I wanted to fall in love with him," she told him being brutally honest, "and I'm sorry if that hurts you…but I saw no hope for us anymore, and he was nice…and he had plans…that might have worked."

"Why didn't you sleep with him?"

"Because by that time…I wasn't interested in one-night stands…and I knew that it could be a more serious relationship…at least I knew that's what he wanted…but…it just wasn't right."

"So you just dated"

"Pretty much, and he was a nice guy…but….he wasn't you."

"That's the way I felt…when I was with Addison, when I went back to try to make things work…it couldn't work…because she wasn't you."

"Derek…" she whispered softly, as she gently squeezed their intertwined fingers "even if I had been with him…it would have been sex…just sex. Because, making love, well … since I met you…I've only made love to you."

"Meredith…since I met you…from the first night…you're the only woman I've longed for…desired…ached for when I couldn't have you…and you're the only woman I've loved…you're the love of my life…and I hope I can be worthy of you, wanting…trusting me enough to say those words to me again one day."

She turned slowly to look at him, and brushed his lips with hers. "Thank you…thank you for tonight…for not leaving…for talking things through."

"You're welcome."

"It's really late, we should get to sleep."

"Do you…do you still want me to stay?"

"Do you?"

"Let's go to bed."

He got up and extended his hand to hers, and they walked to her room holding hands.

They laid in bed and he reached out for her, gathering her close both content to be in their favorite spooning position and holding each other's hands.

"You're still thinking…"

She giggled, "Izzie and Alex thought we should take advantage of them being gone, so we could be as loud as we want."

"George and Lexie are still here," he chuckled.

"They didn't care… only about Alex getting a good night's sleep."

Both laughed, and settled in to sleep.

"Derek…"

"Uhmm…"

"You're thinking too…"

He was quiet, deep in thought, and didn't answer right away.

"Derek…"

"It would have been my child…our baby…" he said quietly.

"What?"

He turned her around and they were now facing each other.

"The day of your surgery…"

"Oh…"

"Now…knowing this now…it would have been…"

"Yes…if I had been pregnant…it would have… it would have been your…our baby."

"Were you upset, when you thought you might be? " he asked, afraid to know her answer.

"It caught me by surprise, and there wasn't a lot time to think about it, before we found out it was appendicitis."

"Do you know…do you know…would you have been very upset, if you had been?

"I don't know. But, I have to be honest, I'm glad I wasn't. Because you'd have wanted to do the right thing, and the doubts would always be there that we were together because of a baby."

"If you had been pregnant, I agree, I would have wanted to do the right thing, but not because of a baby. But, because it's what I should have done to begin with – it would only have meant that you and I being together had always been meant to happen."

"Derek…that morning, the few minutes I thought I might be pregnant…it did made me realize it was you I wanted to be with. Never Finn, he was just a nice guy in my life."

"We didn't even discuss this…Meredith…this possibility that day…"

"We seem to be pretty good at avoiding talking about important things."

"Tonight was a good start."

"Derek…about that day…there's only one thing for sure."

"What's that," he asked as his hand reached out for hers.

"If I had been…if we'd found out…I was pregnant that day…there would be no doubt that baby was conceived on the most beautiful night of passion and desire…" she said as her eyes were brimming with tears, "and love Derek…because that night…that night…the night of prom…there was…all I gave …all I offered… was love."

He made no attempt to hide his tears, "how do I make all of this up to you – all the pain I've caused you, how do you begin to forgive me when I don't know if I can forgive myself," he said with a half broken sob.

She reached over to him and lightly kissed him.

"Meredith, where do we go from here?"

"Like we've said … one step at a time… and Derek, when I mentioned 100 fun…sexy steps… we were already on our way …we're not starting at zero…maybe…." she hesitated and then teased… "maybe...we're already at 23…"

"You've been talking to Mark…"

"I've been hearing it everywhere," she laughed, "I'm thinking we should each place bets…and control the winning pot. What do you say, Dr. Shepherd…are you game?" she teased, attempting to lighten the burden she knew he would easily let go.

"Meredith," he said with evident concern in his voice, "where would you say we really are…how many steps along the way?"

She leaned in to him, "at the right step," then brushed her lips to his, "the perfect step,"

then gently biting … gently kissing him, "to take the next one…the next one towards our life together…" she whispered against his lips.


	40. Chapter 40

**Ch 39 - My surprise? **

The early morning rays of sun shone through the bedroom window, their reflection gently warming the bodies of the two lovers sleeping. Today, unlike so many other recent mornings spent apart and longing for each other's embrace, the rising sun brought hope of a future together.

Derek was the first to wake and marveled at the simple pleasure of watching her sleep.

It had been so long since they had spent the night together, and he treasured the moment.

She was sleeping soundly and he decided not to wake her, and went to shower. She still had all his things in her bathroom, and it gave him a sense of comfort, reassurance that she hadn't discarded it all of it.

He joined her in bed a bit later, and pulled her close in his embrace. "Meredith," he murmured as he kissed her lips softly, "good morning...it's time to wake up."

"Still tired…more sleep…" she mumbled.

"You're going to be late if you don't get up."

"Don't care….sleep…need sleep…"

"What if I give you an incentive…" he said, as he kissed her again softly, and smiled when she moaned and instinctively gave in to the pressure of his lips.

"Uhmm…can't we just stay in bed," she whispered.

"We could…" he told her, deepening their kiss…and she instantly became alert.

"What…what are you doing?"

"You need me to explain," he teased.

"No…I mean…you're here…and it's late…"

"Yes…"

'It's late... and you're kissing me…and we can't…have to get up…Derek the sun's up…it's got to be close to 7 and I'm going to be so late."

"Relax," he said kissing her softly again, "you have plenty of time."

She kissed him back, "you're much nicer to wake up to than the shrill of the alarm clock"

"So are you."

"I'm glad you were here last night…and now…"

"Want to show me how glad…" he asked raising his eyebrow ever so slightly.

She kissed him softly, and laughed, "I'm not giving in to you that easily."

"Uhmmm…you say that now…" both laughed as he continued to lavish her with kisses, and playful caresses.

Both were surprised to hear a knock on the door and Meredith responded, "come in."

Lexie walked in and stopped, as she saw her sister and Derek in each others arms.

"Oh…I'm…sorry…I…it was late… and Mer... you have to be at the hospital…and I thought you overslept... sorry…Derek…sorry, you're up… so… oh… I mean…you're not sleeping…ok... I'm leaving…"

Meredith and Derek both burst out laughing, and he said, "Lexie, you actually knock."

"I told her the same thing."

"Yes…I knock…thank God!"

"It's ok Lex…thanks for coming to wake me."

"Doesn't look like you needed any waking up Mer," she winked, "there's coffee already made, if you'd like, I've got to head out."

"That's a welcome change, someone who knocks instead of just barging in."

"We could always lock the door…as she pointed out to me the other night."

"Come on, don't be lazy…get up…" he said giving her one last kiss.

"You shaved…and showered…"

"And brushed my teeth…needed to make sure I started off on the right foot."

"I'd say you definitely started off on the right foot last night."

"I'll go fix something for breakfast, hurry up."

"No muesli…please."

They were soon on their way to the hospital and arrived within minutes of one another, parking a few spaces apart. He walked over and opened her door, and they walked hand in hand through the front entrance of the hospital.

Their grand entrance, as some would comment, gave rise to the buzz that on day four, McDreamy was undoubtedly on his way back.

Waiting for the elevator and still lost in a world of their own, they're unaware of the curious glances from several directions.

"Grey, Shep… certainly looks like you had a good night."

"Mark," Derek said in warning, as they entered the elevator.

"Dr. Sloan, good morning."

"Grey, when are you going to get past that Dr. Sloan crap ...being co-founder of our club…entitles you to call me Mark."

She looked at Derek and rolled her eyes, and noticed a hint of annoyance, and she knew it was due to Mark's flirtatiousness. All three got off the surgical floor and walked to the nurse's station.

"Good morning Doctors."

"Good morning," each of them acknowledges with some form of greeting.

"Where's the rest of the FAB4…?"

"Dr. Sloan, what's the FAB4?"

"Amy…the fabulous 4 nurses…Steph, Lisette, Tracy and you."

"Dr. Sloan… that's really really bad…the Fab4…"

"Steph…that's how I think of you…4 fabulous nurses…" he winked, "that still like me," he said eliciting a laugh from them.

Meredith and Derek ignored the exchange taking place, and concentrated on each other.

"I've got to run. I'm going to be late."

"I'll see you later, maybe a late lunch?"

"Let me see how the day goes, but tonight…will… will you come over again…" she said with slight hesitation in her voice.

"Yes…but I'm planning on seeing you during the day."

"Ok."

"Run along, don't be late…" he said and kissed her.

"I'll …see you…have a good day Derek."

"You too," he said as he continued to watch her walk away.

"Shep, what the hell was that about?"

"What are you talking about Mark?"

"You and Grey…shit, what was that 4 days? Stevens was right."

"What was she right about?"

"That you and Dr. Grey would be back together within six days, well that McDreamy would be back in six days."

"Really? Lisette, six days?"

"Don't let it go to your head Shep…ladies, don't worry, it's a work in progress. McDreamy's not back yet."

"What makes you the expert…what make you think we're not?"

"It's the look Shep… gives you away."

"The look…?"

"Yep… the I can't wait for sex look."

"Mark!"

"What, man…they know what sex's about…and they're keeping track of the betting pool."

"You're pathetic…"

"No, just having more fun…and look the rest of the fab 4 is here"

"Fab4?" echoed Tracy and Lisette.

"Don't ask…McSteamy is not in top shape this morning," Amy chuckled.

Derek ignored him and spoke to the 'fab 4' "Ladies, I need your help, and Mark, keep your mouth shut."

"I'm wounded Shep… is that any way to talk to your best friend…"

"There's a package that will arrive by 10:30 this morning, via Fed Ex from France. It's addressed to Meredith, and will be delivered at this desk, and I just want to make sure I'm here when she gets it."

"Of course Dr. Shepherd, what would you like us to do?"

"Amy, when it's delivered if one of you could page me, and then page her, and kind of stall giving it to her till I get here."

"That is lovely gesture, you've got her a gift."

"Yes Tracy, and I hope she's going to like it."

"McDreamy is being brought to his knees…this is going to be fun to watch."

"Mark, don't you have anything else to do, fix someone's nose or something… so you can keep your nose out of this."

"I'm not going to take offense, Shep…I'm just going to sit back and watch your attempts to regain your status, " he laughed as he walked away, and pulled Tracy aside. "I had a nice time last night, would you like to go out to dinner tonight?"

"I'd like that…I had a good time as well…no sense telling Amy you were in top shape last night," she teased.

"Nope… no sense at all," he winked.

Derek drove the nurses crazy as he checked at least three times that morning to see if the package had arrived, and when it hadn't by the promised time, got on the phone with Fed Ex to trace it, was told it was delayed but would be delivered before five.

Meredith had been in surgery most of the day and was just scrubbing out when she got a page to the nurse's station, and was not too pleased. It was likely some screw up by her interns, and after the day she'd had, had no desire to deal with incompetence. She was also not too happy she had not been able to join Derek for lunch, it was already close to three o'clock and she was starving, which did not do anything to help her mood.

She was tired and grouchy, and in spite of getting a good night's sleep the night before, she was exhausted. She smiled at the memory of waking up to Derek's kisses, and her mood improved slightly by the time she approached the nurse's station.

"Hi Tracy, I was paged," she greeted, bracing herself for what could have gone wrong.

"Yes, Dr. Grey, there was a package delivered for you."

"Oh… I wasn't expecting anything."

"Well, we're all dying of curiosity…it was delivered by Fed Ex a little while ago."

"Ok, I'll take it."

"Let me get it, " she said, and came back with a fairly big package that had international Fed Ex labels in various spots, as well as accompanied by a couple of other nurses, that just seemed to be hanging around.

"This is strange, I haven't ordered anything," she said, and was not attempting to open it.

"Dr. Grey, aren't you going to open it, we're dying of curiosity."

"I should have known," she laughed, "the reason all of you are suddenly here."

"Dr. Grey, not too many of these are delivered here."

"Steph, do you have a pair of scissors…" she asked without noticing Derek was walking toward her.

"Hey, how was your day?"

She was startled by his presence, "Derek…oh…ok…no…actually awful… but …looks like I have a surprise…"she paused, and looked at him smiling.

"It looks like you do…are you going to open it?"

"Derek…it's …it's my surprise…what you…you…got me?"

"Open it and find out…"

"It's from Provence…you ordered something from France."

"Unless it's from one of your secret admirers….yes…something from France."

"Oh…that was so sweet," she said, and felt herself getting all teary eyed.

"Meredith…open it…"

"Yes, Dr. Grey…" she heard one of the nurses stay. "Oh.. sorry…"

She took the scissors and sliced the tape, and when she opened the box and looked at the content, they heard a small gasp, as she looked up to meet his gaze.

"It's… beautiful…you…you….took…the time…" she said, and felt a tear slide down her cheek.

"Hey," he said and reached out to wipe the tear from her face. "It's just something I thought you'd like, not a big deal."

"Thank you," she said quietly, but he heard the catch in her voice.

"Aren't you going to look at the rest…?"

"There's more?"

"Yeah…"

She looked inside the box again and took out the item on top, and delicately laid it on the counter. "It's lovely."

"Well, I noticed you had one of those and thought you'd like this…maybe for your room"

"It's beautiful…and yes…for my bedroom," she said as she looked at the small label '14" Pure indigo blue French lavender' that also included the name of the shop in Provence.

"How did you find it…and get it here…?"

"My internet research…"

"Oh…" she noticed the nurses watching…. "ladies, you can look, Dr. Shepherd knows I love lavender…"

"Dr. Grey, it's a beautiful wreath…and it smells wonderful."

"Yes, Amy, it is…it does…"

"You know, Dr. Grey, the lavender scent on the wreath will last for years, my husband and I were in France for a second honeymoon, and I still have some of what I brought back…and two years later…the scent is still intact."

"Lisette, I didn't know you were married."

"We have a four year old daughter as well."

"Are you going to see if you like the rest of it?" Derek asked impatiently and a little nervous, he so hoped she would like her gift.

She looked inside the box and saw a variety of products; candles, bath gel, essential and massage oils, lavender water and white linen sachets she picked up and gently traced her fingers over the embroidered bouquet of lavender.

Meredith looked up at Derek smiling, but he saw a glimpse of tears, before she closed the distance between them, and raising herself on the tip of her toes placed both arms around his neck gathering him close in an embrace and he immediately wrapped his arms around her and held her tight.

The four nurses watched her reaction and looked at each other and smiled. McDreamy was most definitely regaining his status, and this was a bet, they would all be happy to lose. They couldn't wait to spread the good news on the Grey-Shepherd relationship, and they knew Dr. Shepherd would not mind.


	41. Chapter 41

**Ch 40** – **Romantic & Sentimental**

Derek held her close, surprised by her unusual display of affection in front of everyone, but he was not complaining. However, he was concerned when she took a deep breath and he heard her sniffles.

"Hey, what's this…I try to surprise you …and you cry," he murmured against her ear.

"You…you…got me a gift," she said softly.

"But, not to make you sad."

"I'm not sad…just…really, I'm not sad," she spoke quietly, keeping their conversation private, but he could hear she was trying to keep from crying.

He hugged her closer to him and looking over to the nurses, said, "Tracy, would you mind holding that box for us, we'll be right back to get it."

"Of course Dr Shepherd, I'll put the wreath back inside and you can come back later."

He released her from his embrace and reached for her hand, pulling her along to the small quiet room near the nurse's station. He walked in and closed the door, and again held her close in his arms.

"Hey…what's wrong…?"

"Nothing…nothing's wrong."

"They why the tears?" he said as he caressed her hair and placed a light kiss on her forehead.

"It…it was just special…that you'd want to do that…for me…"

"Of course I want to do this for you…don't you realize how special you are to me?"

"Derek….it was…" she paused, "it's thoughtful and beautiful…thank you," she said as she still held the small linen sachets in her hands, but didn't look at him.

"Meredith, look at me…talk to me…"

"It's... it's… really….the first time…the first time…anyone's been so thoughtful…about finding me a gift," she said, and without even thinking, blurted out as tears streamed down her face, "even my mother…she never took the time…maybe money… or had someone buy me something…but never the time to pick something out that would mean something to me…"

He was stunned, because he realized it was the first gift he'd given her and that was again, inexcusable. But also, by how much she was revealing about her feelings.

He walked her over to the chair and sat down, pulling her down to sit on his lap.

"Meredith," he said as he kissed her lightly on the lips, "I wish I could erase some of those sad memories for you, but I can't …but I hope…from now on…to help replace some of them with good memories."

"You are helping…it's just that I never had a lot of gifts or anything…"

"Meredith, I know Ellis was not the most nurturing mother, but what about friends… and family growing up…you don't talk much about that."

"My mother… after she left Thatcher…she wasn't big on family, even before, she never was… and I never had lots of friends Derek…and …and you don't get too many presents from one night stands…"she said looking down at her hands, avoiding his eyes.

"Hey…stop thinking like that…"

"It's true Derek….it's ok…I've never really been that special to anyone …"

"You are so very special to me…and if you let me…I plan on making this the first of many good memories."

"Today…your gift…it's a good memory," she said as another tear rolled down her cheeks, and she brushed his lips with hers.

"Then can you do me a favor?"

"Yes…what…" she asked while biting her lower lip.

"Can you please stop crying," he said as he kissed the lingering tears away,"because, I've seen you cry a lot the past couple of days."

"I'm sorry, Derek…I feel like an emotional roller coaster…and I can't help it, everything that's happened…so many things we've talked about… and then you do things like today…and it's your fault I'm all emotional and sentimental."

"Meredith… I'm the one who is sorry, because I know most of that is my fault, and even today I though it would make you happy, and instead you're sad and crying."

"Don't be sorry…I am happy…really… I just wasn't expecting it…and…it's…it's the first gift you give me…and…it means a lot to me…"

"Meredith, I am sorry, that I didn't take care of you as I should have…that I haven't showed you how much you mean to me…or how much I love you…as well as I should have…that I was so involved in myself or hung up about God knows what… that I didn't realize I had never taken the time to buy you a gift before… but I promise you…today's gift…will be the first of many…and I'll never take that for granted again."

She laid her head on his shoulder and softly said, "you don't need to buy me gifts…but thank you…for making me feel special…for loving me."

"Don't ever forget that I love you."

"I won't," she whispered, and snuggled closer to him, "but…sometimes…you may have to remind me…Derek, I'm not used to anyone thinking I'm special...and…I'm… I'm not used to people loving me."

He felt a lump form in his throat at the sincerity of her words, the vulnerability he heard in her voice.

"You're going to have to get used to it…because I'm going to love you for a lifetime."

"Promise," she asked, as she raised her eyes to his.

"I promise."

"I'm getting ready…Derek…I promise you…I am."

"And I will wait as long as you need."

"You won't mind…taking things…"

"Slow…" he teased.

"No…well…yes… but more like one step at a time."

"I can do that…since we're already at 23…"

"I think we're a bit more than that…"

"Really."

"Uhmmm..."she murmured against his lips, first kissing him lightly, then allowing him to take control making her forget all but the pleasure of kisses that made her long for more.

The vibration of her pager intruded in the intimacy of the moment, but when she looked at it, said "it's not urgent, it's Cristina."

"So…you were saying we've progressed from 23…"

"Just a little.. maybe 26…"

He laughed, " so the gift was worth 3 steps…"

"Only because you've never given me a gift before."

"I take it you like these…since you haven't let go of them."

"They're so delicate and beautiful…and that you'd think of this…"

"You're delicate and beautiful to me Meredith."

"Derek…I…I'm still scared…that…we won't make it…I have this feeling…that…it may not be so easy."

"Then we'll have to make it easy…but if things get hard…we just need to remember that we both want to make this work…that we both want to be together."

"I do Derek… I do…want to make this work…but.. I'm not sure I will know how…I can only promise that I'm trying… trying really really hard… and I don't want to live my life without you."

"That's all we need…for now."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," he said kissing her softly.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm." He said s he ran his hand down her arm, caressing her, and linking his fingers with hers.

"When…how did you think of the idea for the gift…"

"Well…you can't get mad at me…

"You think I'll get mad."

"You might…" he said, and felt her stiffen in his arms.

"Why?"

"Maybe it was kind of selfish…because I love how you smell…and well, the other day, when we were arguing…though you did not find it funny, I said something about roses…"

She gasped, "you're going to bring her up…"

"It's not bad Mer…it's not about her…not really."

"Seriously…seriously… you bring her up as we're having this nice... romantic ...sort of conversation..."

"You think this is a romantic conversation…"

"Well what do I know," she snapped, "it's mushy and sentimental…"

"You do huh…mushy…romantic… and sentimental," he couldn't help but smile.

"Don't change the subject… how could you Derek…how could you," she said, and started to get up.

"Hey…hear me out…"

"How can you be so insensitive," she whimpered, as she lowered her head and he saw she was holding back tears.

"Mer…you asked me how I came up with the idea."

"Yes, but I didn't think it was…was… going to have to do with her…"

"Well, it doesn't really, but maybe because of her it gave me the idea."

"What…" she yelled.

"Wait, that didn't come out right."

"Derek Shepherd, you are an ass…"

"Well I've been called worse, but listen to me before jumping to conclusions."

She sat rigidly with her arms crossed across her chest, but at least she hadn't made a move to get up again.

"Fine."

"When we argued, though you did not see the humor, I said, I should remember never to send you roses."

She glared at him, "you realize you are digging a deeper hole here."

"And you said I had never even sent you flowers…and I realized it was rue, and I wanted to make it up you, so it dawned on me you love lavender, and maybe there was a way to send you a bouquet of lavender."

"Oh…." She said softening a little.

"Yes…oh…"

"Don't count your chickens... or eggs or whatever… you're not out of the woods yet."

He laughed, "well you got one right…the 'not out of the woods' part."

"Make your point Derek, I have to go."

"So I went on the internet…"

"That's what you were doing the other night…"

"Yes… but found that lavender is in bloom for a very short period of time, and it's not the season now… but that once the blooms are cut they are dried and that the dry lavender will maintain it's scent for years."

"You read all of that?"

"Yes, and then I saw the wreath, and since I've seen one in your house…I thought you might like one…maybe… for your bedroom…and it would last a long time…and then got all the other stuff."

"How did you get it here.. I mean I know how… but you ordered from a shop n Provence?

"Well that was challenging… I found what I wanted, and it was quite a feat to get them on the phone and have them ship it so it would get here as soon as possible. They had all these issues about taking longer from Provence, so I told them just to get it to Paris, and from there it was overnight... so they actually had one of their workers take the train so it would make the cut off time for Fed Ex.

"You did all that…for a gift…and paid all that extra…just for…a gift…"

"No Meredith, not just for a gift…but something I thought would be special, for you."

"Oh, Derek…that's …you're right…I don't care how you thought of it…our fight..."

"I also found that there's many types of lavender, but what I got you… true French lavender... is indigo blue…and I thought... surely…that was not a coincidence… that long before I met you… your favorite flower…now my favorite scent…was also one in my favorite color."

"Oh, Derek… that's …that's… just…romantic…and …thank you…"she said reaching out for his hand.

"No more tears... remember…" he said as he wiped them away.

"These are happy tears…very happy tears…and your gift is ever so special… I'll treasure it always," she said as she wrapped her arms around him and held him close.


	42. Chapter 42

**Ch 41 – Treasured memories **

They held on to each other for a few minutes, then, her pager buzzed again and she reluctantly looked at it.

"It's one of my interns, I have to go," she said, but remained in his arms, in fact snuggling closer to him, her head on his shoulder and her eyes closed, as though she did not want to let go of the moment, holding on to it and preserving it like a treasured memory, afraid it would not last.

"Are you ok?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair, and kissed her lightly, noting she was not usually this clingy, but enjoying the closeness, which was much more than just physical.

"Yes…" she said as her gaze locked with his, and he could tell there was something else she wanted to say, but was hesitating.

"Meredith…finish your thought."

"Uh…well…you're coming over tonight?"

"Yes…but that's not what you were going to say... is it?"

"You're a mind reader now…"

"I know you…"

"You're right…but… I have to go…but, we can talk later…tonight."

"Ok…your shift's over at 7?"

"I should be home by 7:30, but not sure what food we may have, so we can order something for dinner."

"Are you in the mood for steak…potatoes…?"

"Oh, yes, that would be wonderful," she said just as her stomach growled.

"What exactly have you been eating lately, " he laughed.

"I haven't had lunch… I was starving when I was paged to the nurses' station, and not really pleased I was missing the chance to grab something to eat."

"I hope it was worth the interruption."

"You know it was…thank you…again," she said as she got up and he followed.

"Let's go," he said, but first he leaned down to kiss her, and she responded with a kiss that should leave not doubts as to how she felt about him.

They walked out holding hands, and went towards the nurse's station.

"Do you know if everyone's home tonight?" he asked.

"Why …what do you mean?"

"How many do I fix dinner for?"

"Derek, you don't have to do that."

"But, I'm going to…who's home, so I can grill steaks for everyone...even if I'm not on their favorite's list right now."

"You are on mine…" she teased, "well, working your way back …"

"Really…working my way back…"

"They're all home… probably Lexie too…but not all at the same time."

"I'll take care of it."

When they reached the nurses's station, she said, "Tracy, can I get the box from you, please?"

"Let me get it Dr. Grey."

Derek took it from her, "thanks Tracy."

"Not a problem Dr. Shepherd," she said and winked at him.

"Meredith, I'll bring it home."

"Ok... have to run…oh… Derek," she turned around, "don't forget dessert."

"What are you all smiling at?"

"Dr. Shepherd, do you even have to ask?"

"Amy did I miss something."

All four laughed, "oh, no, absolutely not…given how long you and Dr. Grey were gone… I don't think you missed anything at all."

"She liked her gift."

"We can definitely testify to that…she loved her gift," Lisette chimed in.

"And whatever else you did…uhm…or said…cause she certainly walked away happy."

"Uhm… well…yes…Steph, we talked... and she is happy."

"No doubts in our mind…McDreamy may live again."

He laughed, "well…let's say, he's working on it."

"We'll be happy to spread that rumor…or rather that fact."

"Thank you ladies…for your help… " he laughed as he started to walk away, "by the way… Sloan is right… the nickname applies…the Fab4!"

Meredith hurried to meet up with her intern, to find Cristina as well, but addressed her intern only.

"What's going on, you paged."

"Well… well, Dr. Grey… it really was…"

"I had him page you."

"Why? You mean, you didn't need anything, you paged and I'm rushing to get over here for no good reason at all…I've been stuck in surgery all day… and now you're making me miss the only opportunity to get something to eat. Seriously?"

"Sorry, Dr. Grey... but... but Dr. Yang said it was important."

"Well, you know what…from now on, you make sure you forget what Dr. Yang says, and if she needs to, she can page me herself… and unless you have something important to page me about…DON'T!"

"Mer…I think... that's a bit too strong…I told him…"

"Yes, Cristina, you did tell him, and he should know better than to listen to you. Now tell me, what the hell was so important?"

"Excuse us…thank you…uh…whatever…your name…thanks. Don't worry, I'll handle this."

"Do not listen to her. You page me, only when you need me. Now…go, go do your job."

"What the hell was that… Meredith, are you on crack? You never talk to your interns like that."

"Well, no thanks to you… I'm hungry and that makes me cranky, and you screwed up the time I had for lunch."

"No, I did not... and if you had answered my page."

"Well, I was busy."

"Yeah, we know… doing McDreamy."

"What!"

"Mer, the whole hospital knows you two have been at it like rabbits again."

"Don't you people have anything better to do…and for the record, not that it's any of your business…we have not."

"Really… so, I haven't lost my bet yet."

"This is why you paged me, seriously? I'm not listening to you anymore… I'm going to eat," she said and started to walk away, but Cristina followed.

"Then what is everyone talking about… the two of you apparently walked in this morning holding hands, and kissed like a cute little McDreamy couple before going your separate ways…"

"Ok. CRISTINA… this is ridiculous… since when do you have time for all this gossip crap."

"I've always had time…I'm just really good at managing my bets… but I don't quite have a handle on this one yet."

Just as they were approaching the cafeteria, Lexie and one of Cristina's other inter caught up with them. "Dr. Yang, we need you to look at this case, we're not sure about …"

Cristina grabbed the chart and skimmed it, "Three, how would you handle it?"

She was still calling them by numbers, though outside the hospital, she'd warmed up slightly to Lexie, for Meredith's sake.

Lexie responded, as did Cristina. "Good. Two, do as she said, three don't go."

"Yes, Dr. Yang," both answered simultaneously.

Meredith had continued walking and was now sitting down, ready to practically inhale her lunch, when both Cristina and Lexie joined her, each with a cup of coffee.

"What now?"

"We're having a friendly chat…"

"Seriously."

"Lexie, where were you last night?"

"Dr. Yang…not sure... what …"

"Were you at Meredith's? Was Derek there, did he spend the night?"

"Well…I mean…I was there…"

"Then spill the beans… did he spend the night?"

"Dr. Yang… I don't think…"

"You see Cristina… she is being discreet. Discreet... and not blabbing about my personal life."

"Mer, wake up. There's no such thing in this hospital, especially about you & him."

"Well…it's nobody's business."

"You, should have thought of that when you decided to screw an attending."

"I cannot believe you... you're supposed to be…"

"I am your person…don't forget it… but I can't fight the rumors or stop the gossip."

"So you might as well join in."

"Well... Mer... if you can't fight them…"

Meredith laughed, appreciating some of the humor. "Well, for what it's worth... I'm not giving you any details…go ahead and rely on your rumor mill."

"Lexie, if you want to see the insides of an operating room this week… fess up…"

"CRISTINA! You can't use that against her."

"Watch me."

"It's ok Meredith…I'm not going to talk about your private life."

"Three!!! You really will stay in the pit all week."

"That's ok," she told her defiantly.

Meredith glanced, smiling softly, at her sister. She would remember this moment forever, the moment when she knew she had been right to trust her instincts, she had been right to trust and confide in her. It was another special memory to treasure today, as she recognized the bonds that had begun to form with Lexie would only get stronger, and they would undoubtedly be there for one another in the future. She'd found a sister and a new person to trust.

Meredith reached out to touch her hand, "go ahead, answer what she asked."

"Meredith... really…"

"It's ok Lex...this time."

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd was there last night."

"Mer… you lied... so you did have sex... the bet is over."

Meredith continued eating, ignoring her questions and digging through the partially consumed salad, French fries with mayonnaise and ketchup, and cheesecake.

"Lexie, you can confirm that… right, they had sex."

"How could I know that…? I'm hardly in the room with them."

"Ok... did you not sleep in the same house?"

"Of course I did, I just said."

"And you did not hear them?"

Meredith continued eating, smiling inwardly.

"Dr. Yang…"

"Oh my God… you did not have sex."

"Mer… you really talk about all your private details like this?"

"Lexie, I'm not saying a thing."

"Lexie, let me clue you in about your sister and McDreamy…if they'd had sex, you'd know it, because they are incredibly loud. They do not do quiet sex."

Lexie had taken a sip of coffee at that very moment, and almost choked.

"Oh God…that's way more information than I needed to know."

"Well, you should…cause if you're going to sleep under the same roof, you definitely want to know, and possibly invest in some ear plugs."

"Lex, she's probably right," Meredith winked.

"So…you're admitting to no sex…interesting."

"I'm not admitting to anything."

"But you have this….this satisfied look in your face... of course... you two did the dirty right here in the hospital. That's why you didn't answer my page…you sly dog…"

"Not that you deserve to know this… because you're not being very supportive… at all…but... since Lexie is here…"

"Oh, so half sister trumps your person…and gets to know information."

"No…discreet sister …trumps indiscreet money grubbing bet making person," she said, and her sister comment did not go unnoticed by any of the three women.

"O.k. so, what's the deal with the secret…sappy smiles."

"We are trying to work things out…we have not had sex…"

"No…there's more to this than that."

"We're both trying."

"We did hear…he gave up the nurse."

"He did not give up the nurse…there wasn't anything to give up."

"If that's what he told you…"

"Cristina, why must you always find fault in him… why can't you just once give him the benefit of the doubt."

"Because I've seen what that has done for you in the past."

"I love him. You know that. You of all people know that. Why can't you be happy that we're trying to work things out?"

"As I said…we've gone past that road before."

"You know what…forget it…I'm just not going to talk to you about this…"

"Mer…I've told you before…I'm the hard ass... not you… what did he do that has you all in a tailspin and we have to put up with this soft …mushy... sentimental phase…"

"You could pretend to be happy for me…"

"I want you to be happy…I'm just not sure how this is all going to work out."

"Well, let me worry about that…and instead of criticism…be there for me… be my person."

"Fine."

"Have you told him?"

"What?"

"That you still love him."

"No."

"Why not?"

"We…still have to work through things… it's soon… to soon… after.. this…"

"You don't trust him."

"I'm… we're…working on it."

"That's what I'm saying…you've been there before, and he hasn't."

"I've always been there Cristina, the not able to trust. I am not good at trusting people, but I'm not going to give up on our relationship without really trying."

Lexie intervened, "you know what Mer… I think it's great you're trying…and I know that Dr. Ya…that Cristina is going to be supportive…I mean…she even brought me home….to your home…when things got really bad…she was really supportive…and I'm really grateful for that.. and that was just me…and you're her person…so I know she's going to be supportive of you."

"Oh God…of all the people to be my person's sister… another rambler."

Lexie and Meredith both laughed. "You love me…I know you do…and I'm counting on you to be there for me...if… if this doesn't work," Meredith said to her friend.

"Yeah... whatever. I'm here."

"Mer, are you going to tell us what did put that smile on your face?"

"Yeah, since we know it wasn't sex," Cristina added sarcastically.

She had a grin from ear to ear, as she said, "he had a surprise for me…he bought me a gift."

"All that for a gift. Hasn't he done that before."

Her smile faded, "no Cristina, he actually hadn't, in fact no one really had…before."

Both Cristina and Lexie were stunned by her admission, and noticed the tears gathering in Meredith's eyes.

"Mer… I'm sorry, really, I didn't mean … I'm sorry,"

"It's ok Cristina…it's not important," she said and started to get up, but felt Cristina's hand on her arm, stopping her.

"Mer... it is important…because it's important to you."

She wasn't going to allow Cristina's bitterness to get in the way of what she was feeling.

"Listen," she said, "Derek's coming over tonight, and he's cooking dinner, and he asked who's going to be home tonight…and he said he was making enough for everyone, so you're welcome to join us, if you want, you can just drop by, whenever."

"What was the gift," Lexie insisted, noticing how the mood had suddenly changed.

She was not as enthusiastic sharing the news, as before Cristina's comment, but she told them, and Lexie was predictably the most excited of the two.

She would just hold on to the treasured memories of the moment she saw the gift and the time she spent with Derek afterward, because, that feeling, those emotions, that was really all that mattered

_AN 3/13 - K, saw your note - was going to post it last night, in spite of only 3 reviews, but fell asleep. Ch 42/43 are ready ,worknig on 44 _


	43. Chapter 43

**Ch 42 – Good Friends **

The end of the shift found Cristina and Meredith in the resident's lounge, getting ready to go home.

"Are you going to drop by for dinner?"

"Mer…about earlier, I'm sorry."

"It's ok, it wasn't a big deal, just a gift."

"No, it's not ok, and it was more than just a gift to you."

"There's no reason why you would know that."

"Maybe not, but I know you've been under a lot of stress lately, and you were happy,

and with my bitchiness, I put a damper on that, and I do want you to be happy."

"Ok."

"Lexie's not so bad. She's smart. She's going to be a good doctor."

"That's high praise from you."

"Well don't tell her. Now if she would just stop the rambling."

"Come on, Cristina, join us for dinner."

"As long as you and McDreamy aren't all McDovey all night."

Meredith walked over to her, and very briefly hugged her, "thank you."

"Just don't make a habit of this."

They walked out together, and saw Lexie sitting on one of the benches working on some charts.

"Lex, you're still here? Wasn't your shift over a while ago?"

"George and I rode in together, and he's stuck in surgery."

"That's right, I just left some charts for him."

"Why don't you text him, and tell him you went home with me."

"Don't worry, I'm sure he's not going to be long."

"You're doing his charts!"

"It's no big deal…I was there for these cases, and he still needs to look at them and

sign off."

"Three…does that mean I'm not giving you enough work…that you can pick up and help Bambi?"

"No…no, it's just that… well, he was stuck in surgery... and I had to wait anyway, cause we rode in together…so it didn't seem like there was anything wrong with that… and I was reviewing the information…so I was learning too..."

"Ok. Go drop those off, and come right back. You're going to help Derek in the kitchen instead."

"Mer…I swear she's you but on pep pills."

"Go away Cristina, I'll see you at home," she laughed.

Lexie joined Meredith a few minutes later and they were on their way out of the hospital parking lot.

"Meredith, was that really bad… I mean … that I was doing his charts…cause I didn't see anything wrong, but maybe…"

"Stop. No, it wasn't technically bad, but he should do that himself, he shouldn't ask you."

"But, he didn't"

"Well, that makes me feel better. Just don't do it, you have enough with your own."

Meredith pulled into the McDonald's on the way home, much to Lexie's surprise.

"Isn't Derek cooking?"

"Yes."

"Then why are we stopping here?"

"Because I'm starving, and it will be more than an hour before he gets dinner ready."

"But, you ate a late lunch, not that long ago?"

"I have great metabolism… so I can eat just about anything, anytime, and I really want a strawberry milkshake. Do you want anything?"

"No, thanks, I'll wait for dinner."

"So, tell me about your apartment hunting?"

"I know you really want me out of your hair. We're trying to find something…like tonight... we had couple of places to look at… but had to cancel."

"Lexie, I don't mind that you're staying, I'm just making conversation…you know…trying to find out what's going on with you."

"Oh…we're trying to find a 2 bedroom, maybe not too far from the hospital, that's affordable and nice at the same time."

"Why don't I come with you next time…I said I would the other day, but then…"

"That would be great…I have to reschedule for tomorrow, and there was one place that sounds really nice."

"Lexie, you know, Cristina is not so bad, and don't you dare tell her this, but she thinks you're smart, and are going to make a great doctor."

"Really… she said that… wow… she doesn't let on…except she was really supportive when I lost my patient… you know the night she brought me home with her…"

"Her bark is worse than her bite…well…sometimes…"

"Thanks for telling me."

"Well, I've kind of noticed that you're smart as well…and I did try to ignore you at first….hoping maybe you'd just disappeared…but kind of hard to do…when I had you stalking me all over the hospital…"she said with a smile on her face.

"I was not stalking you…just because…well…you were my sister…and I had just found out about you…and…well… you were my sister…and I wanted to know you…"

"I'm teasing you Lex…you weren't stalking…"

"Well, it hasn't been so bad…I mean…we're…we're…talking…and maybe…we…maybe we can be friends…I think…we're kind of getting to be friends…"

"Yes...we are…we really kind of are…"

"Thanks for telling me…about what Cristina said…I won't say anything…"

"I know you won't…and Lex…I agree with her…you are smart…and compassionate…I've seen that with your patients…so has Derek…"

"You've talked about me…"

"Just a little bit…and graduating from Harvard Medical School is impressive…and I agree, you're going to be a very good doctor."

Meredith, saw her wipe a tear, and joked, "something else we have in common…lately."

"Mom used to say I was like a watering can."

They talked the rest of the way home.

Derek was already in the kitchen, since Izzie had been home and let him in.

"Hey, need help?"

"No… I've got it under control."

"It's not me Derek, it's Lexie, who is going to help."

"Oh…sure then. Hi Xena."

She smacked him, "you ass."

"What… she knows I've called her Xena."

"Not that."

"Mer, come on, you have to admit, you don't do very well in the kitchen."

"Fine…you get Lexie. Just don't flirt with her," she teased as she leaned up to kiss him, and slapped his butt, on her way to the laundry room.

"Derek, what did you do with my box?"

"It's in your room, why?"

"I'm going to hang the wreath. Now behave, "she said as she walked out of the kitchen waving the hammer.

"Why do I get the feeling, if she even thinks I'm flirting with you she'd smack me with the hammer."

"Probably, because she would… and now that I know she's my sister, if you dare to flirt with me… I would too… come to think of it, if I see you flirting with anyone else… I might do that as well."

"Just perfect. A combination of Mer's rambling and Cristina's violent streak."

They both laughed as they worked together preparing dinner.

"I'm glad the two of you are becoming friends, I told you she didn't hate you. You're good for her."

"I think we're good for each other."

"Xena and McDreamy," Cristina interrupted, "where's the rest of the frat house?"

"Haven't seen Karev, but Izzie was here a while ago and Meredith's upstairs."

"Let me know when dinner's ready, I'm going to watch one of Ellis' surgeries."

"What is she talking about?"

"Meredith has a collection of her mother's surgeries."

"Wow…she was quite a legend."

"Yeah, just not a very good mother, Meredith didn't get a break on the parent front."

He saw Lexie's reaction, and immediately responded, "look, I'm sorry, it's not your fault, I know Thatcher was a much different father to you and Molly."

"It's ok Derek, I can see how much he's hurt her."

"Do you mind keeping an eye on dinner? I'm going to go upstairs for a few minutes."

"Go ahead, I can manage."

He went upstairs and though he knocked lightly, he went right in without waiting for an answer.

"Hey," she greeted, and walked up to him and hugged him.

"You smell good."

"I tried out some of what you gave me, except the bubble bath… which I hadn't noticed was in the box earlier."

"You didn't like it?"

"I did… I just thought I'd wait… for when we can both enjoy it…together."

"That sounds promising."

"Yes…yes…it does…"

"Dinner's going to be ready in about 40 minutes."

"Did I hear Cristina come in? Imagine she's watching one of my mother's tapes."

"She is doing just that, and Lexie is keeping an eye on dinner."

"Derek, I'm glad you're here. Thanks for cooking dinner for everyone."

"It's not a big deal, and I know how important your friends are to you."

"But, they don't treat you very well, especially Cristina."

"She's looking out for you. I get it"

"I kind of told her to lay off today."

"Meredith, you don't have to do that, you don't have to defend me."

"You're part of my life Derek, so is she, and I want the two of you to get along."

"I'm surprised she joined us."

"It kind of surprised me too. But, can you try to get along with her. Wait, I know you do try, just don't let her get a rise out of you."

He held her closer, and whispered, "you are without doubt, the only woman that can get a rise out of me."

She giggled and reached up to kiss him, "I better be the only one."

They ended up lying on her bed, and since she was only wearing a robe after having showered, they soon found themselves lost in each others kisses and caresses, and he was wishing he had not promised her they would take thing slow.

"Uhmm…Mer…"

"Uhmm…"

"Unless you want us to take things fast and …"

She ignored him at first, continuing to trail kisses down his neck, and back to his mouth again.

"God, Meredith, I want you so much." He had warned her, he rationalized, as he thrust his tongue in her mouth, and she responded without hesitation.

"Mer…we need…need…a condom…"

She stopped abruptly and went rigid. "Oh, my God… Derek… I'm so sorry…I wasn't thinking…I…."

"I was… I was… thinking… for both of us…" he said, catching his breath, "thought I needed to throw the condom in there… before it was too late."

"Derek…I'm sorry."

"It's ok"

"No, it's not… I shouldn't have let things…."

"Hey…don't worry," he gave her a quick kiss and got out of bed. "Why don't you get dressed. I'm going to take a cold shower and meet you downstairs."

Fifteen minutes later he joined her and others in the kitchen.

"Hey guys."

"Dr. Shepherd, heard you cooked…that was really nice."

"Just threw some potatoes in the oven…and some steaks, not a big deal, George."

"Well, we don't eat a lot of steak around here, though we do get tons of baked goods," so thanks.

"You know, Alex, you don't have to eat my baked goods."

He raised an eyebrow at Izzie and smirked, and she said "here, do something productive, go set the dining room table," and placed seven plates in his hands.

"Hey, why should I set the table."

"Because she just told you to," Meredith answered, "get to it, and you get clean up duty as well."

"Why do I get clean up duty, what about Bambi, and the rest of you?"

"You all do… Derek cooked, Lexie helped, and the rest of you are eating, so you all get clean up duty."

"Mer, you didn't include yourself …what are you going to do?"

"Cristina, I'm going to enjoy dinner, and then Derek and I …."

"Oh no, stop. Bad enough we'll hear you… you don't have to tell us in advance."

"I was going to say, Derek and I are going to enjoy a movie."

"We are?"

"Yes, we are…one that takes place in very cold weather," they looked at each other and started laughing.

"That's the best you can come up with," he teased, as he walked over to her and put his arm around her.

"Ok… that's our cue to leave the kitchen."

"Don't be ridiculous Izzie," she said as she walked over to grab a couple bottles of wine, "Derek has to finish fixing dinner," she said, as she saw he and Lexie were wrapping up whatever they had started.

There was a bit of awkwardness at first, given the recent estrangement between Meredith and Derek, but it wasn't long before everyone said pretty much what came to mind, typically, without much thought before speaking.

"This is really good Dr. Shepherd…thanks again, we don't often get steak around here, much less all of us having dinner together."

"Glad we could do it, O'Malley."

"So, is this some sort of celebration, now that you two are back together," Alex asked and felt Izzie kick him under the table and glare at him. "Hey, what was that for? I can ask, he's here, he cooked, what the hell's wrong with that question?"

"That you are not being very discreet, Alex, that's what's wrong with the question."

"Discreet, when have they ever been discreet?"

"To answer your question, Karev, not it's not a celebration. It was last minute plans that Meredith and I discussed."

"So, you two are not together?" he insisted.

"They're obviously together, they're here aren't they?"

Derek and Meredith were side by side, and he reached for her hand under the table, and smiled at her. She squeezed his hand, reassuring him, and they continued to let their friends express themselves freely.

"Wait, Cristina, they're together, but does that mean…Mer…the bet, it's over…I mean technically, it was that Dr. Shepherd…hell, Derek would regain his McDreamy status… but, if you've …you know…that means the bet is over, and it took less than six days, and thank God, we weren't here to witness the make up sex."

Meredith and Derek both laughed, and took the bantering in stride, never saying a word.

"Why aren't you saying anything, you guys are just eating dinner."

"Isn't that what you do, Alex, at dinner time, you eat dinner." Meredith stated.

"No, and you, Cristina and Lexie, you know something."

"I can tell you the bet's not over, and there's been no sex."

Derek was sipping wine when he heard that, and looked at Meredith questioning how much she had revealed to Cristina and Lexie, but she just shrugged her shoulders.

"Thank you Yang, for bringing us all up to date," Derek said with a deadpan look.

"Well," Lexie said, "it was all over the hospital this afternoon that McDreamy was on his way back ,after everyone saw the gift that was delivered to Meredith earlier today."

"What…Mer, you got a gift and everyone's talking about it, what did you get her, Mer, what was it," Izzie demanded to know with her usual enthusiasm.

"No wonder they stopped taking bets," Alex commented.

"Mer, what was it?"

She didn't really feel like sharing all their personal moments at this point, so she said simply, "Derek knows I love lavender, and he sent me a very special gift, he ordered from France," she said and placed a soft kiss on his lips.

"Ok…Meredith… you promised no Mcdovey stuff."

"Oh... that is so sweet," Izzie commented. "You know what, I think it's appropriate that we make a toast, we don't always get to sit around and enjoy each other's company."

"That's a nice idea, Izzie. But, first, Meredith, if you don't mind, I'd like to say something."

"No, go ahead."

"Meredith and I….but mainly Meredith, as all of you know, we've been through a very rough year, and right now, we are trying to work things out between us."

"We don't know how it will all turn out, but we are trying…and as her friends, I think you should know that. I would also like to thank you for all the times you've looked out for her," he paused, swallowing past the lump in his throat, "and took care of her… when I haven't."

"Thank you," she whispered, and reached for his hand again, and fought to keep the tears that had formed from falling.

Everyone was quiet, understanding the poignant moment they had just experienced in the life of a friend they deeply cared about. A friend that, had Derek not rescued her from the waters of Elliot Bay, would not be sitting there with them that night.

Cristina was the first one to break the silence. "A toast. To friends."

"To friends," Meredith added, as she looked at her sister and smiled, "old and new," and then leaned over and kissed Derek softly, "and new memories to treasure."

_AN Thanks for the comments... that was 5 today... so here goes... Ch 42... and 43 is already written._


	44. Chapter 44

**Ch 43 – Slow…rules…**

The toast set the tone for the rest of the evening meal, and everyone, including Derek, participated in light hearted banter.

"Ok, all kidding aside, now. Mer, can you give us a little clue as to when McDreamy might be back officially? We can even share a part of the pool…it would be so cool to win."

"Izzie, that's exactly what I told Derek, that he and I should agree on a date...and place some bets ourselves."

"You can't do that, that's unethical."

"Unethical...Cristina…seriously?"

"Iz, give it up, you've already lost your bet…6 days…that's over."

"Alex, it's not… it's only been 4 days since their fight."

"You are honestly keeping track of how long Meredith and I…have been ...uh…"

"The word is probably estranged," Lexie said, and Meredith and Derek looked at each other and laughed.

"Dude, rumor does have it that last time you two had sex was in the hospital supply closet, so if you can confirm that, that'll pay for part of Joe's tab."

"Mer, do you live with this every day?"

"Afraid so…but, I've learned to ignore them, and just enjoy sex with you… wherever…"

She felt him shift uncomfortably next to her, and looked at him and smiled.He reached for her hand and brought it to his lips, and leaned over to her and whispered, "you're so going to pay for that."

"Promise?" she whispered for his ears only.

"Just say when."

"Ok, Mer…Shepherd….stop that."

"What?" the both echoed.

"That crap, at the dining table."

"I'm still in the game…but guys, I think we need to find a more interesting subject. It's starring to seem unlikely these two are going to screw it up this time."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence Yang."

"Yeah, Shepherd, just remember you answer to all of us."

"Maybe I should leave the room, and come back later," Meredith commented.

"What, you're going to skip dessert," Derek teased her.

"What did you get?"

"Chocolate cake and ice cream."

"I'll wait."

"I'm going to bring dessert," Izzie commented and Lexie followed to help her.

"You know," Derek commented, as they were enjoying dessert, "I've got a bet for you guys."

"Really, an inside scoop."

"Nope…Mark Sloan bet."

"Manwhore?" Cristina blurted out. "What kind of bet."

"How long before Hahn agrees to go out with him?"

"You're joking. She's not going out with him."

"My point."

"Wait, you want to make it more of a challenge for him."

"Cristina…it's one way of diverting his attention from us."

"Derek, that's awful, you shouldn't be encouraging her."

"Why the hell not, he was the first one putting $ 50 bucks on us."

"Still…that's not nice, poor Mark." she giggled.

"It was nice he initiated the bets…and gossip with the Fab4?"

"Fab4?" several voices echoed.

"Tracy, Steph, Amy and Lisette."

"The nurses?"

"The same…they're the only ones not subscribing to the Nurses Against Mark Sloan Club," he said, and all of them laughed.

"At least they seem to be on my side," Meredith laughed.

He looked over at Meredith, she seemed happy. He had not heard her laugh or giggle in such a carefree manner in a long while, and suddenly it felt as though things would indeed work out.

"Dude, who's in on this… I say he's in her pants in 3 weeks time."

Most of them made corresponding bets, with Derek's being last, "$100 bucks, she won't go out with him, at all."

"Oh, that is so good. You've just issued him a challenge."

"Yang, you got that right. That will keep him busy for a while."

"Ok, everyone, clear the table, let's get this done."

"Cristina, you're going to help clean up?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"No. I'm just giving order," and everyone laughed.

Meredith and Derek started to help clear up the table, and Lexie said,

"we said we'd take care of it. Go, watch your movie."

They sat on the couch, and he held her close against him, her head on his shoulder as they found a movie to watch. Everyone made themselves scarce, giving them the privacy they each understood they craved.

Within ten minutes of the movie starting, she was fast asleep, and soon after he could hear her snoring.

"Meredith, let's go upstairs."

"Uhm…no…watch the movie."

"You fell asleep."

"I did? When?"

"About 10 minutes after the movie started."

"Oh…" she said, slowly becoming more alert. "You should have nudged me awake."

"You're obviously tired, so I let you sleep, but it's late now, we should get to bed."

"You really should have woken me up, I mean, now it's late, and you need to go…and it…it's a long drive. Are you…am I …am I going to see you tomorrow…tomorrow night, do you have any plans?"

"I had plans to see you in the morning…wake up by your side in the morning, but since I'm being kicked out…I guess yes, I plan on seeing you tomorrow night."

"Derek, I'm not kicking you out."

"No?"

"No…I mean… I just… figured… about earlier…you know…and I'm sorry, but... I'm not ready…and I thought….I mean…thought you'd want to go home…and not spend the night... since, well…I'm not ready Derek… I want to…I want to be with you, I do…but I'm not ready…and… earlier tonight… that wasn't nice... and I shouldn't have…"

He silenced her ramblings with a kiss.

"Do you want me to stay?"

She didn't look at him, but murmured softly, "yes."

"Yes?"

"Yes, but, I'm not being fair to you…and after earlier…"

"Meredith, I'm not a randy teenager that can control his urges…"

"Really…I'd have sworn."

"That, is what you can't do… no unnecessary teasing."

"I can't help it… sometimes…you are quite irresistible."

"Well, try to control yourself," he teased her.

"Derek, I'm happy you're staying. I'm able to sleep when you're here."

"Are you having trouble sleeping? You didn't tell me that…and the panic attacks…what else aren't you telling me?"

"Nothing…it's just been hard…since…we don't…since we don't spend the whole night together…I've had trouble sleeping."

"Then we go back to how it used to be...before your bright S & M idea…"

"You agreed…"

"No…I went along with it…"

"But…you already know…I didn't want that anymore, when I told you…no dating other people…"

"Yes…you did…."

"So… rules…you're ok with some rules…"

"I'm ok with some rules."

"We're dating…only each other…"

"Yes…and spending the night, together, sleeping through the night…till you're ready for more."

"You're not going to be mad at me…if it's not...not…right away…we have to try Derek…because...it's not just sex…between us…it's more than just sex…"

"I love you, Meredith. I told you, I'm in this…and as long as you need… that's how long I will wait, because… sex is good…incredibly good…amazing…but…you and me…it's much more than just sex."

She wanted desperately to say "I love you," but something held her back…she wanted to trust him…she did, but there were still doubts, and she wasn't ready, not yet, to place all her trust him in him again. She got up and reached for his hand, "let's go to bed."

They reached her room and each got ready for bed. Many of his personal items were still there, and he'd brought another pair of pants and couple of shirts with him that evening, that now hung in her closet alongside other items that had been there previously.

He joined her in bed, both were laying on their backs, side by side, then he turned sideways to look at her.

"The wreath looks nice in your bathroom. I'm glad you liked it."

"I do... it's beautiful. It was a beautiful gift Derek, thank you, again," she said, as she reached out for his hand and laced their fingers together, "I'll always treasure it."

"Is that…what your comment was about earlier? I don't want to be presumptuous, but you said memories to treasure, and I couldn't help but think of our conversation at the hospital."

"No, you're not being presumptuous, it was exactly what I meant. Derek, I will always treasure that moment today, when you gave me a gift…my first gift from you…and the first time anyone cared enough to be as thoughtful as you were in choosing it."

"I just wish I had done this…that I'd done this before… you deserve many gifts, and I plan on making up for that."

"I told you, I don't need gifts. I need you."

"You have me…for as long as you want."

"I don't want to lose you."

"You won't," he told her, reassuring her, as he kissed her softly, quickly.

She reached for his hand and their fingers intertwined. "How did you remember…I mean when you picked out the wreath, you said there was one here…it's not something I would think you'd notice…"

"I notice many things about you…. around you…there's one on the kitchen wall, under the clock by the window."

"You really noticed that?"

"I really did… so I thought, you'd like this one… but maybe for your bedroom, more… ours."

"It's perfect, but I think I found the right spot in the bathroom, where I can see it, when I lay in the bathtub…and think of you…and how it's your favorite color… and how I long to have you there with me."

"So, you only long for me in the bathtub…" he teased.

"I long for you …everyday you're not with me."

"Meredith…you're pushing it."

"Oh…yes…so, Derek, what was the movie about?"

He laughed, "I don't know, I fell asleep through it as well."

"Then I guess that's the right movie for us to watch….while….we're taking things… slow," she said, and both of them laughed as he reached out to hold her, gathering her close to him, as she laid her head on his chest.

"Derek…"

"Uhmm…"

"You remember…this afternoon…when you knew I had something on my mind.?"

"Yes."

"I did…I wanted to ask you something."

"I know you did."

"I think…it's important that we tell each other things…maybe our rules, our rules can include that we tell each other things."

"We can do that."

"Do you remember, the last time we made love…well, maybe that day it was sort of quick…and fast…and sex…"

"Six days ago, in the storage closet, early in the morning…we made love Meredith, not just sex…even if it was quick…and you were running late for a briefing with Sloan."

"I...I reached up to fix your collar, and I wanted to stay with you …and tell you…to tell you what I was thinking…and I walked away and didn't say anything….and I think…that maybe if I had... if I hadn't waited till the end of the day…to tell you I didn't want you to date other people…maybe…things would have been different, and we wouldn't be in this mess."

"Is that what you're really thinking now," he coaxed, gently caressing her hand.

"I'm wondering…if I had told you….if I had told you that morning…" she said, looking straight into his eyes, "if you had already known how I felt…would you still have kissed her?"

_AN Think that's 3 updates today... they were ready to post if anyone was reading... hope you enjoy this one. Meredith just had to ask that question..._


	45. Chapter 45

**Ch 44 -**

The room became eerily silent, as he contemplated his answer.

He desperately wanted to say no. But, he couldn't lie to her, not now. If there was going to be a chance for them to get through their problems, and to build and strengthen their relationship, nothing but honesty between them would do, no matter how brutal the truth.

"I don't know."

He felt her resistance immediately, and then she pulled away from him. Slipping away from his arms, and without breaking eye contact, she simply said, "thank your for being honest with me," and proceeded to get out of bed.

"Meredith, don't walk away. It's not a simple yes or no answer."

"Isn't that funny, I thought it was," she said, and looked at him with such sadness and disappointment, that for a brief second, he wished he had lied. He had seen her face, felt her reaction as she flinched, as though she'd been literally slapped, and he felt her pain.

"Let me explain."

"You've explained. I understand."

"Don't give me that icy distant look. I have not explained, and you do not understand, because you have not let me finish what I want to say."

'Derek, really, it's ok. I should have known better than to ask a question, whose answer might not be what I wanted to hear."

He quickly got out of bed, and stood in front of her. "It's not ok for you to walk away, and the reason I said it's not a yes or no answer..."

She interrupted him, "you know what, I need a few minutes alone," and walked out of the room.

She walked downstairs a few minutes later, and was surprised to find Lexie sitting on the couch reading, and went to join her.

"Meredith," she looked up and asked, "what are you doing up?"

"What are you doing up?"

"Couldn't sleep, so figured I'd catch up on some medical journals."

"Ever the studious Harvard graduate."

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, Lexie, I'm not," she said without disguising the sadness in her voice.

"Are you ok?"

She let out a half laugh, "no…no… I'm not."

"But, I thought…you…you and Derek were fine…I mean if that's what's wrong…at dinner…it seemed as though…everything was…"

"Everything was fine… then I asked a stupid question….not stupid…I needed to know the answer…but maybe I shouldn't have asked…but, I did…and no, I'm not ok…" she said, and wiped a tear away from her cheeks.

"I'm sorry. Is there anything I can do?"

"No, I'll figure it out," she said, and remained sitting quietly on the coach.

Lexie noticed she looked very tired and rather pale, almost as if she were experiencing some type of pain or discomfort, when Meredith got up and said "I'll be right back."

"Meredith, are you feeling ok, you don't look too well," she asked with concern when she came back and again sat on the couch next to her.

"I'm fine…just a bit of cramping, a lot really, which is pretty unusual for me…I'm regular to the day…and not a lot PMS other than maybe…a bit bitchy at times."

"So, maybe that's why you got upset…I mean more upset, at whatever you asked…and didn't like the answer…"

"No…I don't think it's the case this time."

"You know…if you want to talk…"

"Yes…and I appreciate it…you're good to talk to Lexie…"

Both seemed lost in their own thoughts when Lexie said, " Meredith… tonight… at the table, when you said…you said…well the toast to old and new friends…I felt…I thought… hope…maybe you meant…I might be your friend too."

"It is…exactly what I meant."

"I wish we'd had a chance…you…Mom…Molly and I…to spend time together…I think it would have been…"she paused, and wiped some tears away.

"Me too Lex…I think I would have like that too."

"I miss her so much."

"You know…I've missed her too, and as bad as my Mom was…there are days…I miss her too," she said, both girls misty eyed as they shared another moment of nurturing familial ties.

"We used to talk every day…and Daddy too…and now…I can't even talk to him…"

Meredith didn't know how they had found themselves on this topic, and wasn't quite sure what to say, before she heard herself saying, "Lexie, I'm really… really bad at the talking thing…but… if you need to…if you need to talk about …Dad…Thatcher…I can be here for you too…"

"Thanks."

"You're welcome."

"Are you going to talk to Derek, or are you going to leave him upstairs sulking or whatever it is he does all night?"

"You really are nosy aren't you?"

"I can see miserable when it's in front of me…and maybe you misunderstood…"

"I wish I had, but not this time."

"Don't you think you would feel better, if you talk to him? It always helps me when I talk things through…and Mer... you've already told me you love him… don't you want to try to work things out…maybe see his point of view …you're already miserable…and maybe it can help… "

"I wasn't ready for his answer."

"Well, did he say something... like yes or no or whatever... and you didn't like the answer so you just walked out… or did you hare a chance to talk about it?"

"All I needed was yes or no… and he said he didn't know."

"Oh… that sounds to me like you need to talk about it."

"Figures you would be on his side…"

"I'm not on his side…I'm on yours…but, if he's going to be my brother-in-law anytime soon, well, you two have to work things out."

"Who says anything about brother in law… I may never want to get married."

"Keep telling yourself that…he's going to be my brother- in- law…I'd bet money on that."

"So... you would bet against me…"

"No…that would definitely be a bet for you…you being happy."

"You know," she giggled, "Cristina said you were like me on pep pills, are you… on pep pills?"

Both laughed, and things suddenly seemed just a little bit less serious, until Lexie, said quietly, "my brother-in-law is walking down the stairs."

"Lexie, I didn't realize you were up."

"Just hoping Meredith would stop talking and decide to go to bed," she teased, as her sister gave her a warning look, "and I can continue reading."

"I'm glad Meredith is in a more talkative mood than when she came downstairs," he said.

"Amazing really, what a bit of prompting can do…though she thinks I'm just nosy."

"Good night Lexie," he said. "Meredith, I'd like to speak with you, before I leave," he said extending his hand out to her.

All she heard was 'before I leave', and instinctively went on the defensive, refusing to accept his hand, she got up from the couch and started to walk up the stairs.

When they reach her bedroom, he walked in behind her and closed the door.

The tension around them was thick as low lying dark clouds, about to release a thunderous angry storm.

She'd walked to the window, and stood with her back to him.

"You and me," he said, and paused, holding his emotions in check, "you need to decide, because I can't do it for you…if you're going to trust me or not."

"What does it matter," she said, attempting to hide her fears and pain behind the blasé attitude, "you're leaving, aren't you?"

He walked up behind her and turned her to face him, and saw the tears streaming down her face.

"I won't stay where I'm not wanted."

"You said you were leaving. I didn't ask you to leave."

"You asked me a question that can't have a right answer, but you won't hear me out. You walked away, in the middle of a conversation, and then I find you chatting with Lexie, as though nothing has happened between us."

"I told you I needed some time alone."

"Yes, but you weren't alone. You could have been talking to me."

"I gave you time alone…the other night, when you asked me for it."

"But you came looking for me…as I did tonight, and I want to talk to you."

"You say I have to decide to trust you…Derek, what do you think I've been doing, the past few days, I've done nothing but trust you."

"Then why ask me a question, that is so very important to you, and then walk away."

"I though you would have said no."

"I couldn't say no, and I was not going to lie to you."

He heard her soft gasp, and brought his hand to her face, and gently wiped the tears away.

"I said, I didn't know, because that is the truth, and if you would have listened to why I said that, it's because, when I kissed her, it was not something that was not planned, it was not expected, it just happened, and I'm not sure if it under the same circumstances it would have been different."

"This is not helping Derek," she admitted.

"Meredith," you asked me if I had known that morning that you wanted us to date only each other, if I would have still kissed her."

"I get it… you don't know."

"Listen to me, please. It happened, unexpectedly, we were there, we'd almost lost a patient, and we kissed. Would it have still happened, maybe."

"Exactly what part am I supposed to listen to, that is supposed to make this any better."

"The part where I tell you, that regardless of my answer, regardless of whether I'd have kissed her or not, the results would have been the same, because nothing compares to what I feel when I kiss you."

"You're comparing me…our kisses…with hers," she whispered, and he saw the disappointment in her face.

"Let me finish and stop taking things out of context."

"How do you take, I don't know, out of context, or the fact that you're comparing us,"  
she insisted, defiantly.

"We have spent months, in this sex and mockery limbo, which by the way, I have absolutely hated, since the first time you used that expression to refer to what you and I have together."

"You didn't seem to mind, when we were having sex all over the hospital."

"I never mind having sex with you…it's the mockery I resent, because, you know there is much more between us than that."

"The why did you agree to it, why not break up with me, for good."

"You weren't ready and if that was the only way to keep us together, I was not going to walk away."

"But now…you said you're leaving…you want to walk away now?"

"I already told you. I'm not staying where I'm not wanted."

"That's how I felt," she whispered, "when you let me walk away."

"I can't change what I said or did that night, and I will always regret it. All I can give you is now. I love you. I want to be with you. I need you. I'll wait until you feel you're ready or until you decide you don't want us to be together."

"Derek, I didn't mean to say that…I don't want you to feel the way I did."

"You're going to have to make yourself perfectly clear, because I don't know what to think anymore."

"You can stay…if you want."

"It's not what I want Meredith, it's what you want."

"I need you."


	46. Chapter 46

**Ch 45**– **Final goodbye**

Derek and Meredith faced each other, two lovers, agonizing over the possibility they had reached their final battle and lost. 

"Why?" 

"Why?" she asked him, not sure what he meant.

"Why do you need me?" he asked and she met his gaze, understanding in that second that his question was as important as hers had been.

"Why do I need you?"

"Yes," he said as she saw him take a deep breath, and when she didn't answer, he continued, "needing someone may not be enough. What do you want?"

"I do…I do need you."

"You still haven't answered why," he said and looked at her with deep sadness in his voice. "You see… I can answer that without having to think about it. I need you and want you, because I love you. But, you hesitate, and then you wonder why I have doubts."

"I'm not hesitating," she answered defensively and immediately softened, "I need you, and I've already told you… I don't want to imagine my life without you… but, I'm scared that we may not be able to make it… Derek, it feels…sometimes…since this all began…it feels that we may not make it…and when you tell me you don't know… I have to wonder, if maybe…maybe… this is just not going to work out… Derek…that maybe…it's time for our final break…before we hurt each other anymore…and this…these feelings we've shared, just turn to something…something bad… and instead of pretending …we need to admit to each other that it might not work," she said as she paused, and a sob escaped her, "maybe…we have to give up…and if you want…if you think…it's over…before…we hurt each other anymore…we should have one final kiss…our final break up sex…and good bye…" 

He had not expected that, and he needed to compose himself before he answered, his voice hoarse and deep raw emotion in every word.

"You," he paused, and turned away slightly before meeting her gaze again, "you believe I've been pretending…you think it's over…after all you and I have shared, have talked about …cried about the last few days… when I thought we might be on our way…to making things work…you believe we should have a final…" he stopped, to choked up to continue, "final good-bye. Is that what you want, is that what you see for us?"

"I don't know what I want…yet I do... I do know, but we keep hurting each other, our words keep hurting each other." 

"I didn't… I don't expect you to tell me you love me…maybe that will be my … that will be my punishment for all I have hurt you…though deep in my heart… up until a few seconds ago, I hoped one day, you would want to say those words to me again… to feel I've earned them. But, right now, after all you've said, which I gather you've thought about it plenty…if you can look me in the eye and tell me you don't love me…that you can't love me again… that there's no more hope left that you ever will… then, I will walk away…and never bother you again."

Unbearable, impenetrable silence enveloped them, bringing to the surface all the doubts and fears of their relationship, until he heard her choked out sob. 

"I can't… I can't…" she said without meeting his gaze.

He stood facing her as shock and despair washed over him, unable to believe they'd reached the end, yet, somehow he had to find the strength to answer her.

"Then you're right, the time has come for our final goodbye. But this is it, I'm gone, no more anything between us, no talk, no kiss, no sex, nothing, it's over," he told her, but didn't see a look of surprise in her face. "I won't cheapen what I feel for you, what I know you felt for me one day…with …with….what you're suggesting…this is it Meredith," he told her as his eyes filled with tears of pain and rejection, "I walk away, and this it," he said, and turned grabbing his scattered clothing and began to walk to the bathroom to change.

"What," she muttered in confusion, " walking away…didn't you hear me…Derek, why…why are you saying this," she continued and immediately realizing how he had interpreted her answer, quickly rushed over to stop him, "NO… Derek, no… I didn't mean…I don't mean I can't…that I can't love you….I mean that I can't tell you I don't love you…"

She had reached him and pulled on his arm to stop him from entering her bathroom, forcibly turning him around to face her.

"You know … Derek... I know you do… you know that I can't tell you I don't love you."

Their reaction of relief was immediate, and both reached out for each other simultaneously. He held her close and whispered, "Oh God, Meredith," he paused, choking back tears, "I thought…I thought I had lost you again." 

"You're not going to lose me…Derek, you're not going to lose me…not unless you push me away or walk away." 

"Then, if that's true…you're stuck with me... you owe me that lifetime…and I'm not going to let you give up on that…you promised me…you would get ready…and I'm going to hold you to that, Meredith…no turning back…" 

"No turning back, but, you were going to leave… tonight… you were going to leave…"

"But I wasn't giving up… I didn't think it made sense to stay when you didn't want me… but I wasn't giving up… only retreating to plan my strategy."

"I'm a strategy now..."

"You're the most important thing in my life… I've never wanted to fight for anything as much as I want to fight to earn your trust and love again." 

"You know… you haven't lost it completely…it's just it wavers…and then you say things like I don't know…"

"Let's talk about it."

"We've been doing so much talking, and Derek, it just seems that some times we misunderstand each other more than…"

"We just need to make sure we don't walk away with misunderstandings…we'll need to commit to that…not to be angry or disappointed and walk away and avoid the issues, but really try to communicate."

"Can we do that, do you think we can?"

"Yes, we'll just need to keep each other honest about this."

"I'm not giving up Derek."

"Neither am I."

"Then this is it. No more avoiding."

"This is it." 

"No time like the present. Why did you say you didn't know?"

"It was not a simple yes or no answer."

"It should have been," she challenged.

"Maybe…think about it. Meredith, we both have issues, and I'm beginning to understand I've been trying to place all that blame on you, that you're not ready, that you avoid, that you push me away, but I have issues as well, and I haven't even begun to identify them." 

"Derek, that is true, but it doesn't answer my question."

"I'm getting to it, come on, let's sit down," he said as he reached her hand and pulled her along to sit on the side of her bed. 

"To me, it was very simple…If I had told you that morning, would you have kissed her…yes or no." 

"Meredith, the only answer I could give was the one I did."

"Derek… repeating the same thing, is not going to help the situation …it's not going to help dig your way out of this …not when I think the answer should have been no."

"I could have said no, and I would have been lying."

She gasped, and pulled a bit away from him.

He reached for her, "do not pull away, we're going to deal with our issues, as they come, head on."

"You're right, not pulling away." 

"For months, we have been playing games, and wait, I don't mean about our feelings, about us making love… not that it's just sex. But, you have attempted it to make it that, though I do know it's not how you feel… nonetheless, I have doubts too…and when you walk away, all of them come back…and it's not easy to push them away."

"So you're saying, you would have kissed her regardless... you wanted to?"

"I could not answer no, because the way it happened, and I've already told you this, was not planned nor was I looking for it, and had it happened the same way, I might have kissed her just like I did." 

He saw her starting to pull back, and reached for her hand.

"If I had said yes, I would have been a total ass, because I would have been throwing something at your face, that wasn't true either, Because, you know what… Meredith, if you had told me… I'm not sure if I would have believed you…" 

"What!" she said and this time did pull away, in fact, got up from the bed, and he got up and followed her.

"If you had told me that morning, after we made love, I would have been the happiest man alive, and then the minute you walked away, because you would have, I 'd have all those doubts that never leave me, creeping in… did you mean that… why is she saying this now…is it going to be just like Addison, that she too finds it's not enough…that I can't be enough for her, and I go back to thinking about the day I came home and found my wife and my best friend in the throes of passion."

"Why the hell would you think that? You stupid moron, I have not give in you any reason to think that way?"

"We both have issues Meredith, you just are more aware of yours than I am," he admitted for the first time even to himself.

"But, I have never given you reason to doubt my …I've always been faithful to you, I'm not the one that wanted to date." 

"You're right, you weren't the one that wanted to date. In my eyes, I just wasn't good enough for you to want to try for me. Do you think months of throwing S & M in my face aren't enough to doubt? Meredith…you have spent months of not wanting to commit, I'm not sure I would have believed…finally, what I desperately wanted from you was going to come true. That's why I said that…"

"That's not a convincing answer, it's not enough." 

"You know what the real answer is." he looked at her intensely, cocking his head to the side and she was mesmerized and lost in that McDreamy look, "the real answer is, that if you had told me that morning, there's no way in hell I would have wanted to let you leave after that…and no I would not have kissed her, but if I had said that, then in a way I'd be putting the burden back on you. Saying, implying, well, it was your fault, I kissed her, because if you had told me, then I wouldn't have kissed her, and I didn't want to do that. Because, I think we're done with that right now… it's not a matter of blame… it happened, it's over... and no one, no one has ever made me feel the way you do…"

"So…if I had told you…you would not have been tempted…you would not have wanted to kiss her.''

"I did not want to kiss her…it happened. And yes, if you had told me…I would have been ecstatic…and would have wanted to take you away and spend the rest of they day making love to you, showing you how much I love you and how much I want to earn back your trust and love… and probably, I would have shown you the plans…but I'd have taken you there and made love to you there… an the place I'd picked for our home."

She looked at him wanting to trust him, hoping she was not misplacing her trust, while he continued. 

"Don't you understand, that the way I feel about you…the way I love you… I don't have to kiss you, I don't have to hold you, all I need is to look at you and know that my world is complete."

"You would have said all those things… if I hadn't walked out , after when I asked you… if I hadn't left to go downstairs?" 

"Yes."


	47. Chapter 47

**Ch 46 – Forever **

"You would have," she said, wiping a tear away. 

"Yes, I would have tried to make you understand… but you left…and all I felt is that you do that, every time things get tough… you walk away, from me… not your friends… just me, leaving me to face my doubts and yes insecurities all over again."

"Derek, I just needed a few minutes…it's not like I was leaving the house."

"But you were avoiding me…avoiding something important."

"I went downstairs… I was coming back. But Lexie and I started talking and then…"

You see…it's always someone else you turn to, you talked to her, but not to me…"

"It's different and we talked about other things too, and we talked about us…and it helped, and she was encouraging me to be open with you…and I was…but …while I was sitting there…other things came up."

"You were gone over twenty minutes…do you know how I felt, not knowing what was going on through your mind, knowing my answer had hurt you, and then found you talking to her…like nothing's happened, but you're avoiding talking with me."

"Derek I was coming up…honestly, and don't let it go to your head, but she's got this 

thing for you…"

"Meredith, you're not going to go there again… there's nothing…"

"Relax, she's on your side…completely convinced you're going to be her brother in law." 

"I wish her sister wasn't so opposed to it," he uttered pouting.

"Her sister isn't, so opposed to it that is…just not ready."

"Then why, why didn't you come to talk to me, rather than leave me sulking and wallowing in self pity?"

"I didn't know you'd be sulking," she smiled, "and wallowing in self pity, Derek, you're being a bit overdramatic, and I was… I'm still mad at you, but …honestly…I didn't come right up, because I wasn't feeling so well, and she noticed, so I just stayed on the couch talking to her a bit more."

"What's wrong," he said concern overriding any other feeling, "you weren't feeling well…why didn't you tell me?" 

"It's nothing."

"Meredith…" we agreed, "no more avoiding."

"If you must know," she rolled her eyes, "we were talking and all of sudden I had very bad cramping and felt really faint, and she noticed how I reacted…and said I didn't look well, and that I had become very pale, and I must have looked bad, because I felt like crap, and so I just stayed there, and then you came downstairs."

"Are you ok now…that's not usual…for you…"

"I know…that's why I just sat on the couch, talking to her, hoping the discomfort would pass…"

"It's that bad, are you sure you're ok?"

"Yes…I shouldn't complain…after all these years… it's really the first time this happens, so I shouldn't complain, and just bear with PMS."

"You're still not feeling well, aren't you, I can see it in your face and you are pale, come lay down," he said and walked her to the bed. 

"I'm ok, let's finish our conversation," she said as they both sat on the bed. 

"Meredith, if you were ready to come upstairs, and talk to me, why did you reject my hand, I reached out to you, to help you up…and you purposely rejected me?"

"You'd just said you were leaving…I thought you'd given up…and again…broken your promise... that you wouldn't give up…on us."

"I didn't think you wanted me to be here." 

"We're really pathetic," she said and reached for his hand, and gently caressed him as she placed her hands over his, "we have absolutely no communication skills."

"We're going to have to work at it… the verbal communication that is," he teased her, "we don't do so bad in other areas. We just need to keep reminding each other and not let things get to the point where it becomes a bigger issue than it has to be." 

"Derek, I've been thinking…"

"Yes…you certainly have… more important… you're sharing those thoughts…"

"Not all of them…"

"Keeping secrets?"

"No, just…I'm thinking…seriously…I mean…I was thinking this for myself…but maybe…maybe both of us…"

"What… just tell me."

"Well, for the past weeks, I've been talking to Cristina…"

"That's a bit scary …if you're taking her advise…"

"No…I mean, I know the two of you don't necessarily get along…but I need you to…

I don't ever want to choose between you…so I need you to get along…"

"You've already chosen her, Meredith, you've chosen her over me many times."

"What, I have not…"

"Yeah, you have."

"When?"

"The wedding…the vacation…break up sex… keeping it a secret, because of her…"

"Derek…I was not choosing her over you…she's my friend, she's been there for me…"

"Yes, I know, when I haven't," he said and looked down, pulling is hand away from hers. 

"No…that's not what I meant, and this is not what this conversation is about."

"Fine," he said almost petulantly.

"We've been talking, actually she's been helping me trying to figure out my issues, how to deal with them and she's been reading through psych books and finding my issues…abandonment issues…severe apparently…"

"You've been… you and Cristina have been reading over psych books?" he asked incredulously.

"Yes…and it's crap… but I had to… I was trying to get myself ready…ready for us…for us to have a chance Derek." 

"Why…why didn't you talk to me?"

"Because…that makes me weak and pathetic…"

"Meredith, that makes you strong and beautiful and vulnerable, it's the woman I love…all of you …we could have talked…I might have helped… not been such an idiot and failing to see all you're going through…"

"Well… it was something I had to do… nobody can do it for me…but Derek, I'm thinking that maybe… maybe I need to see someone …someone that can help me…deal with so much of this…"

"You want to see someone…"

"No. But, I'm thinking I might…. I might if it means you and I….for us…for us to have that lifetime you promised me."

He brought her close to him and embraced her offering her comfort and love and a silent commitment to make things work, "what can I do?"

"Maybe," she whispered, "maybe we need to get help together." 

He was stunned, "you want us both …you're suggesting therapy?"

"Yes…Derek, there's so many issues, so many…we haven't talked about…big issues… and I don't want to risk losing what we have... I know… I know you hated therapy, you went already…I know... but just maybe think about it…please."

"Meredith, I hated therapy because it wasn't going anywhere, it couldn't… my marriage was over…but…if you and me…if us making it… means therapy…I'm not against it…we can talk about it more…but I'm not against it."

"Oh, Derek…I can't believe I would even consider it…but you're too important, we're too important not to…" she said, and started crying.

"Hey, no more crying," he said as he pulled away from their embrace and kissed the tears away from her face, " we've made a lot of progress here…Meredith… our fight…our disagreement has turned to something good…we're communicating…we're trying, we're committing to making to work towards a healthy relationship, there should be no tears," he whispered against her mouth as he brushed his lips against hers and both deepened their kiss, erasing all the pain and doubts of the last few hours, and simply giving, taking, showing each other the depths of the feelings that existed between two people, two soul mates that have always been fated to eventually share a lifetime of happiness, eventually, share a love that only the very blessed experience. 

When they breathlessly tore themselves away from each other, she whispered, "Derek… I now I'm asking a lot…therapy… talking… and we've said a lot…" 

"But…"

"Promise me something, actually not a promise, we've made a lot of those lately... just if you think, at any time, that you can't, that you don't want to wait for me…that you…you don't want to wait for me anymore, please…tell me, don't just walk away... just tell me because I don't think…I can…"

"Hey, stop this, I'm not going to walk away. What do I have to do to convince you, I'm not walking away, I'm not giving up on us…and I'm not going to let you do it either."

"I don't know, I just… I don't know what's wrong with me…but I'm... my emotions are all over the place, the past few days…since we….since our estrangement…it's worse…and Derek, you know…in the past, all my life, I've had to be strong, because… my mother… well, you had to be strong to survive her…but right now… right now… I feel that if just one more thing... one more disappointment… I don't know if I can handle it, and if that disappointment is you…disappointed in me… I …" she broke down and cried again..

"Oh, Meredith… what have I done to you…" he asked sadly, and again gathered her in his arms, kissing her softly on the side of her forehead, her hair, as he soothed her by gently rubbing her back. 

"No, it's not you… it's not, it's just everything... this year Derek... it's just everything coming together…I know I should get past it all, but I feel weak and not as strong as when it was my mother, I always had to fight, and I'm just letting you know, because….Derek, if you …if you decide you can't … don't want to stick it out… I understand…I will... but I may need you to soften it… soften the blow…maybe let me down easy…"

"What do I do ? What do you need me to do, give up my dreams? Will that prove to you that I'm not walking way, that all I want is to take all those steps with you….till we can …we can go on with the rest of our lives…what do I need to do now…what do you want?"

"Derek…I don't want you give anything up…"

"But I will, whatever it is, Meredith, if all you want is one day at a time, then I'll forget about the house or kids…or growing old together… if all you can give me is one day at a time, I'll do it…but I can't watch you like this, I can't… can't watch you go through what we already have…before when you…" he stopped himself, unable to say the words, but unable to erase the day he raised her from the bathtub, and later from Elliot Bay, "please," he begged, "please, tell me what do you need from me?" 

"I don't need anything…you're here now... I can't ask for more…I don't want you to give up on those dreams…how can you think that…when that's what I'm getting ready for…to be ready to enjoy those things with you? How can you think I want you to give that up?"

"I just…just... can't bear the thought of losing you…of ever seeing you …seeing you…like…I don't want to hurt you anymore and I don't want to see you cry." 

"Derek, we need to work on this together…both of us…and I know that I've hurt you…and disappointed you…and I don't want to do that…I don't want to do that anymore…so you have to tell me… when I do… when we hurt each other, and we will Derek, we will, it's life…but we have to tell each other. Like tonight….we hurt each other…and I said something awful…bringing up when you let me walk away…and I know I've hurt you too, many times."

"Yes… you have… but, I understand…I do...and I try to just remember why you feel that way, but I don't always succeed, you know… sometimes it gets to me…and yeah it hurts…"

"Will you tell me… other than today… what else….how I hurt you ….and maybe I can start trying to explain… just like you did tonight… trying to make you understand…"

"Meredith, we don't have to do that… we just move on…"

"No, Derek. That's the problem we can't just move on…, believe me… I've learned," she teased him lightly, hoping he would share something with her…and maybe she could make him feel better, just like he had done for her tonight. "Please… tell me…something that maybe I can make you feel better about … make it hurt less." 

"Each time you reject me…choose someone else over me…each time you throw things back at me…it hurts...it raises all my doubts and fears."

"Like what," she said, as she kissed his lips softly.

He didn't look in her eyes, but murmured, "when Lexie returned the floor plans...plans that I spent hours trying to perfect, to anticipate your every wish…so when I showed you…you might want to consider…taking a chance on us… hours… days… weeks. I'd spent thinking of you…of our family… and in one second when she gave me those plans, I feet like my dreams of a future with you were over…" 

She raised his chin to meet her gaze, "I didn't get rid of them."

"You didn't," he said with immeasurable hope in his voice and a smile on his face.

"No…"

"That's a step…"

"I also told you the house is beautiful…"

"You didn't…"

"Yes, I did…"

He thought about it, and reached out to her, caressing her face, "yes you did, in my office, before…"

"Yes…and Derek…"

"Yes"

"I lied to you…there's one other reason you'll lose me…"

"What is that?"

"If you ever look at another woman… or touch another woman again…I'm not going to stand for it…"

"You're jealous..." he teased as both their moods had become so much lighter, and the weight of the world no longer seemed to be a permanent fixture on their shoulders.

"I am…"

"I'm flattered."

"Don't be… cause I mean it…"

He laughed, "so, I can expect those tiny ineffectual fists you used on Alex to ..."

"Oh God, you still bring that up…"

"I like that Meredith… fighting and bossy."

"You may be getting a lot more of her…"

"That's good … very good. I've missed bossy Meredith."

"Derek…and she, in particular…don't even consider being her friend…or coming close to her... I don't think I could stand it… not her…"

"There's no friendship, I told you, I spoke to her, there's nothing there."

"Good because I don't think I could stand it, if I thought you had doubts or wondered about being with her...wanting to be with her."

"Meredith…I have no doubts…none at all, not since the first day I met you… I had no doubts I wanted to be with you…only you, and after many mistakes, mistakes, I've made, here we are, finally working together to fight for that lifetime…our chance for a lifetime together."

"Just don't forget it…I was ok with Sydney…but the one after…I told Cristina I knew I'd have to worry about the next one… and Derek, I don't want to have to worry about her again…"

"Bossy kicking in … you won't… you don't have to worry about it…" 

"One more thing…about Mark…do not listen to his advice…he's truly a manwhore," and both laughed, effectively ending the misery they'd experienced hours earlier.

"I love you, Meredith." 

"I'm working on it…telling you…that is…" she smiled softly and kissed him lightly.

"I can wait…as long as you're working on it… I can wait."

"So…we're working on this…"

"We are…" he said, as he laid her back against the pillows and kissed her softly.

"Are you feeling better?"

"A little." 

"Do you want me to get you anything?"

"Maybe…some Tylenol or Advil."

"That bad?" he said as he kissed her lips again, and started to get up from bed. 

"Just a little." 

"I'll be right back," he said and went to get her a glass of water and some pills, which she took and then he laid down beside her. 

"Good night, Meredith."

"Good night Derek," she said as she cuddled up to him, and laid her head on his chest, and they reached for each other's hands, lacing their fingers together.

She heard him chuckle, "what's so funny," she asked.

He gently caressed her abdomen, "I guess… even if we were together…really one hundred percent together… there'd be no sex tonight anyway…" 

"You ass," she laughed, as she lightly punched his arm.

"But you love me…" he said without even thinking, and she responded by placing a soft kiss on his lips. 

"Derek…"

"Uhmm…"

"Will you… will you show me the site for the house…for our…house?" 

"You want to see the site?" 

"Yes."

"Seriously…Meredith," he asked, with as much excitement as a kid that had just been given a wonderful present, "when do you want to go?"

"How soon will you take me?"

"Let's go to sleep, so we can go in the morning."

"Derek…I hate early mornings…make it later in the day."

"I love you Meredith…and love bossy Meredith…we'll go, whenever you want."

"Sunset…as the sun sets…and turns to dusk" 

"Sunset….and dusk…is perfect…"

Minutes passed, when he heard her speak.

"Derek… are you sleeping?"

"Uhmm…"

"Are you sleeping…"

"Not now…"

"Derek…I don't ever want to choose…between you and Cristina, she's my person…she was my sister before I knew I had any…"

"I won't ask you to choose, I won't put you in that position, for you, I'll get along with her."

"That's not what I was going to say."

"What then?" 

"If there's ever a time…if I ever had to choose…it would always be you…"

"I won't ask you to."

"But, I would, I just thought you should now that…tonight, I wanted you to know that."

"I love you, Meredith, good night," he said and kissed the top of her head. 

"Good night, Derek," she said snuggling closer to him. 

Both were attempting to fall asleep after yet another emotionally exhausting day. 

"Derek…what are you thinking?" 

He laughed, "do you know we've done that every night…"

She laughed as well, "yes…we've been anticipating each other's thoughts. What are yours now?"

"Remember the night you waited for me, outside the hospital parking lot with a bottle of wine and took us to the spot overlooking the ferry boats…till sunrise…"

"Unforgettable…"

"We'll have our own private spot….from now on…my gift to you…our very own private view …just you and me…sunrise…sunset…dusk…anytime…forever." 


	48. Chapter 48

AN Meredith and Derek's emotional roller coaster has exhausted me! To move along… this is totally an "I can't deal with their emotions filler"…for now…well… maybe not all filler…you'll see what develops from this… 

**Ch 47 – Fishing **

Meredith came awake slowly, as she heard the early morning commotion in the hall, and buried herself in the pillow hoping to get just little more sleep, but slowly turned to reach for Derek, and found he was gone. 

She forced herself to open her eyes and focus at the time on the red lights glaring at her from the clock on the nightstand, and almost jumped out of bed, it was 5:57 and she had to be at the hospital by seven, but then Derek walked in just as she was about to get up. 

"Good morning," he said walking toward her. 

"Derek, I'm going to be late, why didn't you wake me," she said as she started to get up.

He came over and sat next to her, kissing her softly.

"You had a restless night, I wanted to let you sleep a little longer."

"But I'm going to be late," she said, unable to resist kissing him back. 

"You're not, I'll drive you, and you have enough time to shower and get downstairs and have some breakfast." 

"You're spoiling me," she said, enjoying the attention from him.

"Trying to…are you feeling better," he said, placing his hand on her abdomen and lightly caressing her, "you were up a few times last night."

"I am…feeling better, I don't know what was wrong with me last night. Did you already have breakfast?"

"No…waiting for you." 

"I'll be right down…we need to leave here in 40 minutes." 

"I'll see you downstairs," he told her and brushed her lips with his one last time. 

Izzie was in the kitchen serving three plates when Meredith walked in.

"Good morning Izzie, is everyone gone?" 

"George just left, Alex and Lexie rode in together, they had pre rounds, and Derek convinced me to stick around and fix breakfast, and I'd ride in with you."

"Derek, you asked her to cook for us?"

"She loves that, and you should start the day with a healthy breakfast." 

"Thanks Iz, but you shouldn't let him talk you into cooking."

"Mer, I do this all the time…not a big deal, and he did cook last night." 

"Yes, I guess he did," she said as she went to sit across from him, but first leaned down to kiss him. "No muesli?" 

"Who says...eating that and protein this morning."

"You're planning on needing lots of energy today?" she teased him. 

"I'm still here…if you guys want to make out…you'll need to wait till later." 

"Stevens, we do have some self control." 

"Maybe you do…it was pretty quiet last night," she joked, "guess tonight's the night for me to win my bet, six days…provided it's after midnight."

"Don't count on it," Derek muttered under his breath, and winked at Meredith.

"Iz, Derek needs all that energy boost so he can take me hiking to where he's building our house." 

"Mer, you're going hiking? I don't see it…"

"Well, I'm making this exception, but he may have to carry me," she giggled, "though I fully expect there'll be a paved road in the future…right, Derek?"

"Well, it's..." 

"Derek…you're not building where we have to hike to it?" 

He laughed, and reached out for her hand across the table, "no, lazy bones, there will be a road…eventually."

"Eventually better be sooner than later…when we…when you build that is." 

"Trust me...when we build," he said emphasizing 'we', "there'll be a road." 

"I'm lazy Derek, I don't mind admitting it, hiking's not my cup of tea." 

They ate breakfast quickly and made it to Seattle Grace just in time for Izzie and Meredith to reach the resident's lounge before their morning briefing. 

Derek's first surgery wasn't scheduled until late morning, but he'd wanted to drive her to work so they could leave the hospital together and he could show her the site he'd chosen for their house. Now he was getting a little nervous, and hoped she'd like the spot as much as he did.

Derek picked up a cup of coffee and approached the nurses' station to grab his charts and get an early start to his day. 

"Ladies, how are the Fab4 this lovely morning?" 

"No offense Dr. Shepherd, but Dr. Sloan carries that off a bit smoother."

"AmyLynn, I'm hurt, not only have I lost McDreamy status, but can't seem to pull a line like that off either," he laughed.

"I wouldn't worry about that if I were you… rumors have it….you're on your way back." 

"The four of you having just a little bit to do with that I take it?"

"You never know…isn't that right Lisette?"

"Mum's the word around here."

"Who's the mum," Mark interrupted, "ladies, one of you expecting?" 

"Dr. Sloan, I've never seen anyone jump to conclusions like you do."

"Hell Steph, that's how rumors get started," he laughed, "speaking of which, how goes the GS romance?" 

"I'd be more concerned about yours," Derek told him.

"Mine? What are you talking about?"

"Don't know… just something I've heard…bets of some sort…I got to run…catch up with you later, thanks ladies…good job on information dissemination." 

The three nurses laughed, as they saw Tracy approach the counter, "good morning Dr. Sloan, how was your evening last night," she teased.

"Best sleep I've had in a long while… no complaints…."

"You must share your secret…especially any new sleeping techniques, and all." 

"Want to share again tonight?" he asked as he pulled her aside.

"Can't say I'd mind…"

"Lobby at seven fifteen?"

"See you then," she smiled as he walked away.

"Tracy, what the hell was that about," Steph asked, while Lisette and AmyLynn waiting for an answer.

"He's single, I'm single, and we had… a hell of a pleasure filled night, nothing wrong with that."

"Who says there's anything wrong," AmyLynn asked, "fill us in... is he as good as he thinks he is?" 

"Better!" she laughed. "Mcsteamy is just… the perfect description!"

Meredith and Derek realized they'd been thinking along the same lines when she found herself almost colliding with him, as they both reached Tuck's hospital room.

"Hey."

"Hey, you didn't tell me you didn't have any surgeries till after ten this morning."

"I'm catching up with paperwork, plus I wanted to drive in with you this morning."

"I'm not complaining," she leaned in to kiss him quickly before going in the room, but not quick enough for Bailey to miss it.

"Shepherd, looks like the rumor mill may be right this time… and you may be gaining a bit of that overly moussed McDreamy status back…"

Meredith attempted to disguise her giggle, but Derek raised his eyebrow, giving her a you'll get yours later look.

"Hey, Tuck, you're looking great," Meredith said as she approached the crib, and gently caressed his forehead, "I bet you're ready to go home with Mommy." 

"He sure is…aren't you baby, Mommy's taking you home today," Miranda's voice totally softened as she spoke to her son. 

"It's great news Dr. Bailey, I just wanted to stop by and see him before you took him home, and wasn't sure if that would be today or not."

"Thanks Grey… and seeing that you two are here together…guess you're back to smelling each other in elevators, so all's right at Seattle Grace again."

"Miranda, how the hell do you manage to know all that is going on around here," Derek chuckled.

"You keep forgetting, I KNOW EVERYTHING," she laughed.

"You certainly do," he quipped, giving her a hug, "glad all turned out well with this little one, let me now if you need me for anything."

"Thank you, it's not going to be easy right now...and that means a lot to me," she said as she turned away hiding her emotions.

"Hey Tuck, you're getting so big, you're going to have to come around here more often, it's not very often we hear your Mommy laugh or cracking jokes around here." 

Meredith and Bailey looked at him, and at the baby who had responded immediately to him, and now stood reaching out for Derek to lift him out of the crib. 

"What? I'm not going to drop him, you forget I've got fourteen nieces and nephews, I'm an expert at this. Isn't that right, Tuck, I can certainly hold my own with a baby, and you know what Tuck… if your Mom let's me I'll have to teach you to fish…"

"Shepherd, don't even think about it, he's too small to be anywhere near a pond or lake... or whatever body of water it is you have on that forest of yours." 

"Women… see Tuck, they have no idea of the importance of things…but, if Momma Bear here isn't ready to let you go fishing, maybe I can teach you a thing or two about being McDreamy." 

"You are so pathetic Shepherd, give me that baby, can't have that infated ego rubbing off on him." 

He walked over to Meredith, "see Tuck, it's never too early to start practicing…take it from a band geek…right Mer, think I still have some pointers on being Mcdreamy?" 

She had never seen Derek interact with a baby before, and suddenly felt like the walls were closing in around her, this is what he wanted, when he talked about a family, this is what he wanted, and she wasn't sure if she was cut out for the mothering role.

He saw her demeanor change immediately, fighting the urge to run away. 

Meredith forced herself to smile, and looked at Derek, "he doesn't understand any of your nonsense Derek." 

"Of course he does, we also learn flirting at an early age," and just to prove him right, the baby reached out to grab hold of Meredith's long hair and smiled.

She couldn't help but laugh, and tried to free her hair from his little hands, but he was not letting go…which made all three adults laugh, followed by Tuck's giggle as he stretched his arms towards Meredith.

"Uh…uh… Derek… I don't think…"

"Go ahead, Grey, he won't break," Miranda encouraged, having noticed all the nuances of the exchange that has taken place.

"Tuck, this is Meredith," he said and placed him in her arms "isn't she a pretty girl."

"Hey there, you're just a precious boy, and your Mommy's so proud of you," she spoke softly to him, unaware of the longing look on Derek's face as she held him. 

The baby giggled, and looked around for hi mom… "ma...mama…mamma."

"He's not too bad you know… he probably can still teach you about being dreamy," earning a smile and giggle from the baby, as he again reached out to grab a strand of hair. "But, we're going to have to work on him about being so cocky…oh, Dr. Bailey, sorry, I mean…sorry… not sure... if I should use that word…" she fidgeted.

"It's fine Meredith…he doesn't really understand that word right now, he's just reacting to your voice." 

"Oh, thank God…I'm not…not very good…around babies."

"You're doing just fine….just fine," she said looking at Meredith and Derek, and hoping the two were really going to make it, hoping they would have their chance at being a family one day. 

She'd never really paid attention before, but suddenly, she saw a different side to Meredith Grey, and it surprised her. It was true, she really did know everything sometimes, and as she looked over at Meredith holding her son, she just knew one day, she'd be an even better mother than she was a doctor, and she had the potential to be an extraordinary surgeon. 

Miranda walked over to Meredith, "hey baby, you ready to come to your Mommy? We're going to get you ready to go home," she spoke in the most un-Bailey like demeanor, and all her features softened as the baby reached out for her and snuggled against her.

It was all she needed, right now, the hug from her son was all she needed to get her through the days ahead, as the inevitable reality of her broken marriage was no longer a secret. 

"Derek, Meredith, thanks for everything, I know you have to get back to work. I'll see you in a few days."

"Just let us…let me know, if there's anything you need," Meredith said as she gently caressed the baby's back, and he surprised her, by turning around and giving her a smile.

"Bye Tuck, be a good boy for your Mommy," Meredith said softly.

"Miranda, I'm just a phone call away." 

"I know."

"Well, buddy…I'll see you soon…and I'm going to make sure we get you some fishing gear, in spite of what these silly girls say."

"Sil - ly…" Tuck said, much to his mother's amazement, and reached out to grab a chunk of Derek's hair.

"Yes… baby, Dr. Shepherd is really really silly," she laughed and saw Meredith, reach out for Derek's hand.

"Derek, let's go before Tuck learns anything else from you."

Miranda smiled as she saw them walk out together holding hands

_AN 3/22 - Thanks K, for your comment, it was review # 5 -Ch 48 to 50 are ready for posting. _


	49. Chapter 49

**Ch 48 - Ice Cream **

They walked down the hall holding hands, and then he stopped at the end of the hallway, "I thought you were going to run out of the room, when I walked over to you withTuck."

"I wanted to…"

"But you didn't…I'm proud of you," he told her placing a light kiss on her forehead.

"I was scared as hell holding that baby…you get that... right…I'm not good with babies Derek…and he's well more than a baby, like a little person.. and he spoke…and…"

"Silly is hardly speaking," he laughed.

"He understood what was going on around him," she contradicted him, "and what if he had said cocky...oh my God, that's not a good word for a baby…and Bailey would have killed me ... can you imagine, Derek... if he said that... it's not a good word…"

"Meredith…stop …he didn't say it…he won't remember it."

"Derek, I'm not saying no… I'm not…it's just, oh God, it's scary Derek… you're good with…with babies… I never saw you with a baby before… and I could tell, how much…how important this is to you… and that's why you brought him over to me…and I'm not … I'm not saying no Derek…just…I had a terrible mother, I'm a terrible daughter too, I shouldn't say that... I mean she's gone…and…I'd just be a terrible mother…and you… you deserve someone…"

He silenced her with a soft kiss on her lips, "so were you Meredith…you were very good with the baby…"

"I…well…Derek…I don't know… I just held him…and I don't know if I can…"

"Meredith…shush… we don't have to make that decision now….I can wait… we have time… we have our 100 steps…and we can wait…till you're ready… when…when and if you're ready…we can have that discussion…for now…one step…one step at a time." 

"One step at a time," she said after taking a deep breath.

"Yes, and we're good, we're talking…that was good…" 

"Derek... technically it's not 100 steps anymore…"

"Ok... we're at what…maybe 27?" he teased her. 

"Actually we were at 26 before…and you lost a few points…" 

"I did…when?"

"I don't know…"

"Oh," he said, looking so dejected, she felt bad for him. 

She reached up on tip toes and kissed him briefly before placing her arms around him and hugging him close, "right now...I'd say….30's good…" she whispered. 

"That's very good…we're making progress," he whispered back, smiling as he held her tightly to him. 

"We're making progress." 

"I've got to go scrub in…" he told her, as he kissed her before releasing her from his embrace. 

"Ok…I'll see you later… it's a good day to save lives Derek…" she smiled. 

"If I don't see you… meet me at my office after your shift…ends at five right?" 

"Yes… see you at five…" she said, smiling as she watched him walk away.

They wouldn't see each other the rest of the day, both busy with their own unexpected surgical delays. 

"Earth…calling Grey…Meredith…are you with us…"

"Cristina, of course I'm here, where else, exactly would I be," she snapped.

"That's debatable… as you seem to be coming down from a McDreamy high." 

"You're just jealous."

"Jealous ! Of what, you're misery over the past week?"

She glared at her friend, and walked away, deciding she would not allow Cristina to undermine her happiness with Derek. 

She could not believe her interns, it had been one thing after the other, and she'd practically been watching over them all day to keep them from making mistakes, one on top of the other, and what was worse is that he was even beginning to understand Cristina's frustration and lack of patience with her group, which was probably a really bad sign. 

Meredith walked up to the table where Cristina, Izzie and Alex were sitting, and set her tray down with a sigh of frustration.

"What happened to you? Did McDreamy kiss another nurse?"

"Oh shut up, Cristina, I don't know what the hell made me think you'd be supportive," she said grabbing her tray and walking away. 

"Dude, Yang…give her a break, the man's trying." 

"Yeah, well, we've seen him trying before."

"You know Cristina, she was happy this morning, he makes her happy, why can't you just let them have a shot at it?" 

"You're not the one that's been left to pick up the pieces, when he's screwed her over before."

"Well, maybe he won't this time, and you know what, I'm pretty sick and tired of your attitude as well. I'd like to see them work it out, and she deserves that. Stop being so insensitive." 

"Yeah, well, you two go right ahead and live in fantasy land." 

Meredith made her way across the cafeteria to an empty table, and suddenly found herself on the verge of tears. She could not understand why her friend had to continuously bring up things that would hurt her, while at the same time, she felt all her doubts creeping in, and sat staring at her food without touching it. 

"Meredith, can I join you?" 

"Lexie, hi, sure." 

"What's with the long face, and not eating?"

"Just something Cristina said has me thinking…and all these doubts start taking over…"

"Mer, I know she's your friend…your person, but you know, she's not always right...and you really need to go with your feelings… your instincts…nobody else's."

"Aren't you supposed to be the younger Grey ...less wise and all that?"

"Yeah, but, the older Grey doesn't seem to do very well in accepting that people love her and care about her." 

"Lexie…do you really think he loves me?" 

"Of course I do… you just have to accept it, and you've both made mistakes…but, Meredith…what you have… from what I've seen...what he's said about yout…it's worth fighting for…don't let Cristina's bitterness get in the way of that." 

"She is my friend, and Lexie it's just that she's seen how bad things have been in the past, between Derek and me."

"I understand that, but you can't have the past dictate your future…it's not fair to either of you…to anyone."

"You're also talking about us, aren't you?"

"Well…yes….maybe…"

"Lexie, I think we've come a really long way…and I'm rally glad about that, I think we…you and me…we're going to be ok."

"I hope so…but now…I just, I don't understand…last night you seemed ok, and now why are you even doubting that he loves you?"

"Because I'm a mess…and totally…hey, do you mind, if we finish lunch and go outside…I don't want everyone overhearing our conversation…"

"Sure…we can …Mer…what are you eating?" 

"What does it look like I'm eating…salad…french fries…chocolate pudding…"

"Meredith…you've been dipping your fries in chocolate pudding …"

"Don't knock it… it's a good combination…tastes even better than ketchup…"

"That is revolting…Mer…"

"Just how do you know…if you haven't tried it…"

"Mer…are you…ok…I mean…you're really acting odd…and emotional… "

"I always have liked weird food combinations…that's something you didn't know about... me…and not liking apples…Lex that's worse than this…everybody likes apples."

They finished lunch and walked outside to sit in one of the benches, enjoying the early afternoon sun. 

"Mer, can I ask you something?"

"You can…I don't necessarily have to answer."

"Oh…sorry, look, I don't mean to pry…I …just thought…"

"Lexie, I'm kidding, yes, you can ask me…"

"I know you have this whole thing… with Dad…and with us…and I get you didn't really want us in your life…and that well, getting to know me wasn't something you wanted... but I know you cared about Mom…and…" 

"Is there a question..." she teased.

"Molly…she…she knows we're working together…and that you and I have been talking…I mean I haven't said anything… not spoken to her about anything that's happened… I wouldn't do that…I respect your privacy…and I wouldn't want to jeopardize…this…this between you and me…"

"Lexie! Stop! What do you want to ask me?"

"She's wondering…if maybe in the future…you'd agree to meet her…I don't mean meet her… you've already met her…I mean you were there when Laura was born…and…I know you talked to her.. and all but…maybe you'll…" 

"Derek is so right…" she said as she reached out and stilled her hand movements, and brought her hand down, placing hers on top "yes, in the future, I'll agree to see her… is that what you were trying to ask me?"

"Yes." 

"Ok." 

Lexie looked at her misty eyed, and gently squeezed her sister's hand, "good." 

"Are you doing ok? I mean, with Thatcher…have you seen him?"

"Not for a couple of days…and well, you know… I'll manage"

"No, I actually don't know…so if you need me, to talk to…I want to be there for you…just as you've been here for me this last week." 

"I'll keep that in mind… thank you…why did you want to come outside…and not be overheard?"

"We don't know each other very well…or rather, we didn't… and I want you to know that I'm not very good at talking about my feelings…but the last several days…I've found myself being very open with you…and that's not something that comes easily…"

"Blood is thicker than water."

"Lexie, do you really remember all those quotes…sayings… whatever."

"I love those…they're so accurate."

"Sure..." 

"Mer, I was valedictorian, a book worm…and well prom queen too…" 

"And cocky as well…I can see why you and Derek get along."

"He's great Mer… he really is…"

"Just ... so we understand each other…very well…"

Lexie laughed, "he's off limits…totally… completely…Mer, he's going to be my brother-in-law."

"Yeah…"she smiled conceding to her ramblings about it, "I think you may be right." 

"I know I am…" she smiled.

"I just wanted to tell you that I have appreciated your support…truly, I mean that…and what Derek said last night, at dinner, it's true… we are trying…but I'm not sure…how it's all going to work out." 

"But, Mer…you two seemed ok…and last night, I mean…when you went upstairs, I wasn't too sure…but when I saw he spent the night…I thought you'd worked things out."

"We did…it was…painful…and emotional… and you're right I've been very sensitive and emotional lately…but…it's hard to explain…we've been though a lot the past year, and there's so many issues… I have so many issues to deal with…it's not easy…and I'm just not sure…"

"You know what…I'm sure…I'm sure it's going to work out…trust me…it will…"

"A fortune teller too…"

"No, just really good instincts….and I'm not wrong about this."

"I hope you're right."

"Meredith, if you need me…to talk…whatever…I do want to be there for you…"

"I know…and that's why I'm telling you this…there's a lot you don't know…things I don't talk about…but I may…and I want you to know, it's not going to get easier for me…all the emotions…so know that… and maybe bear with me…"

"Meredith, is it …will it be a problem with Cristina…that you and I are talking…I don't think she's very pleased about it."

"She's my friend…and she's always been the one I turn to…now there's you too, and I'm not going to change that…you…are…you bring a balance I realize I need…and I'm not going to give that up…not when I know I'm going to be an emotional wreck…"

"Mer…why? Are you ok? Is there something more…something you're not saying."

"No…I just…I told Derek I was thinking about this….and I'm actually going to do it…for the first time in my life…I'm going to face my issues head on…and going to see a therapist…"

"Mer…that's a huge step…I think it's amazing that you're going to do that…"

"You would…my rambling counterpart…"

"Stop joking…you know this is a really important step…and you should be proud of yourself for doing this…and talking to him about it."

"Well, I kind of suggested we both might need to go together…but that's going to be up to him…I just know I need to deal with my issues and be able to move on…especially if Derek and I are going to be able to have a healthy relationship."

"Thank you for telling me…I'll try not to ramble on at the same times you do. Have you chosen someone already?"

"No, I'm actually going to talk to the Chief , and ask that he recommend someone, I'm not necessarily sure I want it to be from here…my life's public enough as it is." 

"I'll be here…Meredith…for whatever….talking…crying…or being emotional, or just being silent, sharing ice cream." 

Meredith laughed and reached out to place her hand over her sisters, "we may actually be doing a lot of that…eating ice cream that is…very best comfort food around."

"As long as you're willing to share the strawberry ice cream," Lexie smiled.

"Oh…I think we may be ok with that…but I'm a bit partial to coffee ice cream lately." 


	50. Chapter 50

**Ch 49 - Driving home **

She was tired, exhausted in fact and now the plans she'd been waiting for all day, had gone to hell when the patient coded, and the surgical team went into action to save his life.

Thirty minutes later, she felt she was being watched and knew Derek was in the gallery. Their eyes met in silent communication; hers saying, "I'm sorry," his, "I understand."

He was waiting for her in his office, and sensing her presence, looked up to meet her gaze as she approached his open door, practically dragging her feet with exhaustion, as he stood up to meet her at the doorway, and gathered her close in his arms.

"Hey, it happens, we can go see the site tomorrow."

"But we had planned on it for tonight, and that surgery was supposed to take an hour and now it's 3 hours later, and I really wanted to go …" she said pouting.

"There's no rush…it's going to be there tomorrow," he said and softly kissed her.

"But, I can't go," she said with tears brimming in her eyes, "I have a 24 hour shift starting at 7 tomorrow."

"Then, we'll go the next day," he soothed her, and kissed her again. "Let's go, I'll take you home, we can have dinner and make it an early night."

"Oh…you don't want me to go with you," she hesitated, "you don't want me to spend the night at your place tonight."

"You look tired, I just thought it would be easier…it's closer for you to stay at your place, since you need to be back here early tomorrow."

"Of course, that makes sense," she said, but he immediately noticed she was closing herself off from what she was feeling.

"Meredith, what's going on?"

"Nothing, you're right, it's more convenient if you take me home."

"More convenient?"

"It's ok Derek, I understand, you probably don't have to get up as early …and you want to go home…so it's ok, you can just drop me off," she said as she started to walk away.

He reached out for her, and pulled her in to his office. "Listen, we said, we'd not avoid issues, and you're obviously lying, because of something, I don't even understand I've said."

"It's not a big deal Derek, really, just take me home," she said without looking at him.

"Meredith, I'm not a mind reader, and you're going to have to help here, because I've obviously said something to upset you, and I don't want to upset you."

"Let's just go."

"No."

"Fine."

"My least favorite Meredith word," he teased.

"If you must know, it's not nice...it's not nice that you…you changed your mind…and don't want me to spend the night with you…at your place."

He laughed, "Meredith, where do you get that?"

"Don't laugh at me, I don't think it's funny."

"But, it's not true, so it is funny."

"Fine, keep your humor, I'm going home."

"Are you walking home?" he teased her.

"I don't… I don't need you …to drive me home."

"Yes, yes you do need me…period…and I'm driving you home, and I had every intention of staying with you…and we can go to my place your next night off, is that what's upsetting you…you thought I was just going to drop you off?"

"Yes,"she admitted.

"I'm not spending any more nights away from you, so stop jumping to the wrong conclusions, and you know Mer…I never said I wasn't staying…so how you came up with that…well, it wasn't even a rational conclusion…"

"Derek, I told you before….don't patronize me with talk about me being rational or not…because I'm being perfectly rational…" she snapped, much to his surprise, and amazement at her recent moodiness, but decided to just go with the flow, she'd already mentioned PMS was bad, and he knew it was true she was not feeling great last night, so he was not going to interfere or give any more opinions about her uncharacteristic irrationality.

"I'm sorry, I did not mean to make light of anything."

She looked at him, and laughed, "oh, you are so lying, you're just going along with anything I say now," and leaned up to kiss him lightly, "let's go home."

They were on their way home, and soon the sounds of The Clash echoed in the car, "Derek, do you think, maybe we can forgo that …tonight?"

"You're really pushing this bossiness you know," he said as he turned off the radio, and pulled in to the lane that would take them to his place.

"Where are we going?"

"Home."

"Oh, but you said…you said we'd go to my house."

"I changed my mind, I want you in my bed, all night, it's been a while," he reached for her hand, "I want you there tonight."

She squeezed his hand gently, "I'm glad."

"What do you want for dinner?"

"I'm starving, anything will be fine."

"Trout it is…"

"Derek, you know…I do want to go to your place… but, my rational self… says it's kind of selfish, cause, I have to be back at the hospital at seven, and you're going to have to drive me, so maybe we just wait till my next day off."

"That's your way of telling me you don't want trout for dinner tonight."

She laughed, and it was music to his hears, "maybe pizza, but I do mean it, about you not having to get up early."

"We'll pick something up on the way home."

"Trout is fine…you're just on your own cooking."

"As if that's ever been any different."

"Just make sure you have dessert."

"Your favorite ice cream…stocked in the freezer."

"Oh…"

"What…"

"Nothing."

"Strawberry is no longer your favorite ice cream? You came over to the dark side of coffee?" he teased her, as he caressed her hand.

"I was sort of thinking….chocolate."

"We can stop and get some."

"I'm kidding Derek, whatever you have at home is fine."

"Why do I get the feeling that chocolate ice cream has suddenly become very important?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"You're pouting Meredith, we'll stop and get some."

"Derek, it's ok, really, cause…if would have to be from Mora's."

"What? That's all the way across…I don't even know if they're still open."

"I told you, not important, you can get some next time."

"Call them, ask if they're open."

"Derek, I'm teasing you," she said leaning over to kiss him on the cheek, "let's just drive home."

"So how was your day? Other than the overly long surgery?"

"I had another argument with Cristina."

"Why, she was fine at dinner last night."

"I don't know, why she has to be so bitter, you know…I've tried to be supportive and a good friend…well, as much as I know how to do that… but she's just so …so negative…"

"About me…I get it, I've screwed up in the past, and she's trying to protect you, and she doesn't trust me not to hurt you."

"But Derek, she knows how I feel, she should support me… I've done that with her, even…even when I haven't always agreed with her or her decisions… I've supported her, and been there for her… she could do the same for me."

"You are different…it's just her way, but I know she cares about you…just, that you're…you're you…unique and special and compassionate and caring…"

"You're special too Derek, you're all those things…"

"Except when I'm being an ass," he joked.

"Yeah, and keeping secrets from me."

He looked taken aback but her words, "I've tried, Meredith," he said, suddenly becoming very serious, "and will continue trying to learn from my mistakes."

"I wasn't accusing you or anything, really… I wasn't… just joking with you…about no more secrets…"

"No more secrets…uhmm…maybe I need to tell you about…my other… "

She punched him gently, "don't even joke…"

"My other niece or nephew…on the way…"

"What?"

"My sister, the youngest one, she's pregnant again."

"Wow…is this baby number four…"

"No…just three.. she is the youngest…hasn't caught up yet,"

"When?" she asked, and could have sworn there was a bit of longing in his voice.

"She just found out…barely 6 weeks."

"That's early…she's happy?"

"Thrilled…she wants me to be there…after the baby's born."

"That would be nice, Derek, you haven't been home in a while."

"This is home Meredith, I think of this as home now."

"Well, that will be nice though, for you to see your family."

"Yes…it's been a long while…except for Nancy."

"So, I bet you've already booked your tickets," she teased him.

"No, not yet…we'll wait, after the baby is born, and it's really for the baptism she wants me there."

"That's always a big deal, I bet, the entire family, like 500 isn't it?"

They were taking the long drive home, she'd noticed, his love for ferryboats wasn't as strong as it had been before her accident, but had never brought it up. They drove in silence for a few minutes.

"Meredith, if I go… I mean…I don't want…I don't want to go alone, and I'd understand…if you don't want…"

"Derek, you're rambling…like Lexie …"

He laughed, "like Lexie...unlike you…."

"I don't ramble," she smiled at him.

"You're changing the subject…"

"No, just pointing out… you're now rambling too."

"I'd…like you…to consider…I mean, you don't have to give me an answer now…but, think about it…there's lots of time…I'd like for you to come with me."

"Oh…" she said and was silent.

"Breathe…" he said, as he pulled into the exit lane towards home, and reached out for her hand and brought it to his lips, "don't forget to breath."

"How was your day today?"

She saw he was trying not to laugh at her and her complete change of subjects, "unlike you, my surgeries went very smooth, but they were back to back, but it was a good day."

"Did you talk to your sister today?"

"No, she called me a few days ago."

"I had lunch with Lexie today."

"Speaking of sisters…"

"She's nice…and I'm trying, Derek, I really am…you said, I can't trust…and I'm trusting her…"

"I know you are, Meredith, I know…I'm not being blind and stupid…at least trying anyway…I've noticed."

"She is so much like Susan, it's hard, you know…just like with Susan, it was hard not to …not to be fond of her…"

"You don't have to convince me…I like her… a lot…and don't give me that evil look."

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"I like her…she's going to be my sister-in-law…and well, Xena, my ally…"

"The two of you really are too much…and who's going to plan the proposal…you or her?"

He laughed, feeling a lifting of spirits, as though the world had just stopped, and there was no turning back, only hope lay ahead.

"That, will be all me…when you're ready…the proposal…that will be only me," he said and she heard the emotion in his voice, "only the voice of my heart, and what I feel for you."

"Oh…Derek…" she said as her voice cracked, and she reached for his hand.

"When you're ready…I won't push…I will wait…"

_AN  Happy Easter to all celebrating this Holiday, Jasmin_  


	51. Chapter 51

**Ch 50 - Doctor's referral **

"Derek, I meant it, I'm not helping you cook fish, I can eat it, but can't stomach the smell of it cooking, so please grill it outside

"You know," he said, as he came up behind her and put his arms around her waist, "you really have risen to the occasion, with your renewed acquaintance with bossiness," he teased her, "you could at least toss the salad."

"I thought you liked bossy," she told him, turning around and lightly biting his lower lip, and was about to deepen their kiss when she saw a movement at the door.

"Chief," she said.

"Oh, no…sorry, didn't mean to interrupt…I'll go…"

"You don't have to leave," Derek told him.

"The door was open, Shep, why did you leave the door open…"

"I left it open, figuring you'd be coming over here."

"I'm that predictable?"

Yeah, you are, join us for dinner."

"Ah….well… no, I think I'll just…"

"Mer we traumatized him… a grown man, and still can't get over…"

"Derek, stop it. Chief, have dinner with us," Meredith told him, "but maybe, I can come visit you for a while, Derek's cooking, and I can't stand the smell of fish cooking."

"It never bothered you before, I think you're just lazy, and don't want to help."

"Yeah, well, before…I was pretending…that it didn't bother me… just like listening to The Clash, and I'm not doing that anymore."

"Come on Grey, join me for cocktails," he laughed.

"I'll be sure to ring for dinner," Derek joked, and continued gathering his ingredients.

Meredith and Richard walked out and he grabbed one of Derek's deck chair and brought it over to place next to his outside his trailer.

"Meredith, you came to see me today, I'm sorry I wasn't there. Is everything ok?"

She took a deep breath, "I'm trying to be, and… I'm sorry…that…I'm going to bother you with this…but…I didn't know, I don't know…who else…who else I could ask... or trust to talk about this."

He reached over and stilled her hand, "you've been doing that since you were a little girl."

"Sorry, I talk with my hands a lot."

"No, the rambling."

"Really? It's funny Lexie does it to."

"The two of you, you're getting along?"

"Yes, she's not so bad…and we've really come a long way."

"I'm glad, Meredith, the last time…when I heard the two of you arguing, I haven't asked…but is that all worked out?"

"Thatcher is apparently more often drunk than not, but, Lexie and I…we're trying to get to know each other."

"That's good…it's good you have each other."

"Do you think my mother knew about them? His other family?"

"I'm not sure how much she knew."

"Part of me always wished my father hadn't left…that he'd secretly tried to see me….but he didn't…and then finding out he had another family…just wasn't easy."

"I worry about you…what did you want to talk to me about?"

"It's…it's been a very hard year…well, really since I started my internship… it's been…well, lots of things have happened…and I'm not sure …I'm really not sure about what to do…well, I'm sure… but…"

"Meredith, Derek is going to be ringing that bell for dinner soon," he teased her.

"I told Derek…I'm thinking about…I think I need to see a therapist or psychiatrist…I need help dealing with a lot of issues… and he and I are trying…sorry, I don't want to ramble with all the details…"

"I'm glad you came to me, Meredith, and I know, you've told me, I'm not your father, but I've known you since you were a baby… I changed your diapers, and I promised your mother I would look after you…"

"You did?"

"Yes, I did, so please, let me help."

"I was hoping you could refer me to someone…and I don't want this all over the hospital, and well, I don't really trust too many people, that I could go to…and talk about this…"

"I'm glad you came to me…I want you to know you can turn to me for help anytime, not because she asked me, but because I've cared about you since you were a little girl, and I'm proud of you…the woman you've become."

"Thank you, that means a lot to me," she said quietly.

"You are an exceptional young woman and doctor, and you should never doubt that."

"When did you talk to her…I mean, when did you promise her… did she ask you to?"

There was such doubt in her face, such sadness; he wished he had known about Ellis' illness earlier, that maybe he might have helped heal some of the wounds that were part of this lovely woman's life.

"The day she was lucid, before you came in, we had a chance to talk, and she knew she didn't have a lot of time. She asked me to look after you…she loved you Meredith, though she may not have always known how to show that.

"That day….that day…" she said, and had tears rolling down her face, which she did not attempt to hide, but did wipe them away, " she was so angry at me… and at Derek…at me for being in love with Derek… I told her… I was happy, and she was disappointed…disappointed in me, and told me I was merely ordinary…" she stopped as a sob escaped her, and he got up and reached for her and pulling her to her feet, simply hugged her, and let her cry.

"I tried… so hard… so hard to take care of her, and her last words….her last words to me were only to tell me what a disappointment I was."

"She was sick, Meredith, she was sick…and she may have said those things in anger, but know she loved you, she was worried about you, about you being alone and she regretted so much of what her life had been… when she had not been there for you, she did… and she wanted me to promise her that I would look after you."

"Fo you really think she loved me…she…she told me she wished…she….had never had a child…"

"I know she did, because she told me…and of her regrets, and we talked about many things, personal things between us…and if she had been able to do it over again…her wish was that she'd been able to provide you with a family."

"Thank you…thank you for telling me this."

"I wish I had told you sooner," he said as he hugged her again, "I'm here Meredith, whenever you need me, I'm here."

"Chief, there's something that's been bothering me…"

"This is probably something I don't want to hear."

"Well, I'm just…I sorry…about you walking in on Derek and I…it was embarrassing…"

"I knew I didn't want to hear this…Grey, I still think of you as that five year old…"

"But, I'm not…"

"No you're not. I'll get over it, I'm not traumatized."

"Good, because, I'm going to be spending more time here…so just make sure you knock."

They both laughed, ending the intense emotions they had shared.

"About that therapist, can you recommend someone?"

"Yes, I know the perfect person. She did her residency at Seattle Grace a few years back, and I was very fond of her, brilliant doctor, and I'd trust her with anyone I care deeply about…"

"Chief, I think my rambling is contagious… you still haven't told me her name."

"Angelique Beaumont, she's an excellent psychiatrist, and I know she will help you.

I'll give you her number, and if you don't mind, I'd like to call her and let her know, you're like a daughter to me."

"I don't mind."

"So, you and Derek…things are ok with you?"

"I'm sure you've heard the rumor mill."

'Yes, and I was none too happy with him."

"We're trying, we're trying to work things out…I know… I think…he loves me…and I don't want to risk us losing our chance at being happy…so I want…need to deal with my issues."

"He loves you Meredith. I'm sure of that."

"Thank you, for everything…today…"

"Meredith…when you speak with Angelique…be honest, be open with her, the panic attack I witnessed…you need to discuss all of that."

"I know…"

Derek had grilled the fish outside, but had gone inside while preparing the side dishes, and had not witnessed most of the conversation between Meredith and Richard.

"Dinner's ready he called out from the door, unless you need me to carry you here."

The three shared the evening meal with light hearted teasing throughout, including discussing the newest bet at Seattle Grace; which Derek was sure Mark would bring up the next day.

"Richard, it's still early, you want pick a movie for us to watch?"

"You want to watch a movie?"

"Yes, don't you Mer?"

"That would be nice."

"You want to watch a movie? The three of us…here?"

"Mer, I told you we traumatized him…we like movies…yes, that would be nice, you even get to pick."

Meredith stared to pick up the dishes and clean up, and Richard spoke to Derek in a low voice, "you two are here alone, and you want me to come over and watch a movie, since when do you want company when she's here?"

"It's fine… I'm telling you…we're working things out…she needs time to trust me again."

"Meredith, what would you prefer to watch?"

"Chief, you pick... just nothing too violent."

She was finishing with the dishes when Richard walked out. Derek walked over and stood behind her, wrapping his arms around her, "when you came in, you'd been crying, why?"

"I went to see him today, needed to talk with him and he wasn't there…"

"Why," he interrupted her, concern in his voice, "what aren't you telling me? What's wrong that you had to go see him and is making you cry?"

"Derek, there's nothing wrong," she said and turned around to face him, "I asked him to refer me to a therapist or psychiatrist."

"Oh…you, just told me about it last night, I didn't realize you were going to follow up right away."

"Derek, I've already wasted enough time… I don't want to waste anymore, I want to deal with my issues and move on."

"I'm proud of you, very proud of you Meredith."

"He told me that too…and it means a lot…from him…and especially from you."

"But, why were you crying?"

"We spoke about my mother…and he shared some things with me, and it made me sad…and…"

"Here we go… an old classic…"

Derek and Meredith did not pull apart, he'd have to get used to them displaying their affection in the privacy of their home.

"What did you pick, Chief?"

"Rear Window… James Stewart and Grace Kelly, classic thriller."

"Derek, do we get popcorn?"

"Mer, we just ate."

"But we're watching a movie, you need popcorn."

"I've got popcorn, I'll get it and be right back."

"How can you possibly be hungry?"

"I'm not…but we still need popcorn during the movie, and you didn't serve dessert."

"I'd planned on serving it during the movie."

She leaned in to kiss him, "Derek, I'm really just teasing you, you're being so agreeable…and not contradicting me…I'm just …kidding around."

"I'll show you teasing…later…tonight…"

Meredith sat nestled in his embrace as the movie began, and within ten minutes she was asleep, within fifteen she was snoring.

"Good Lord, Shep, is she always like this…how do you sleep?"

"Wax ear plugs," he said and both men laughed.

"We can watch the rest of it another night."

"No, let me just lay her down on the bed, and we can finish watching it."

Derek carried her to bed and she didn't even stir, and went back to join Richard.

"I asked her why she'd been crying earlier, she said she asked you to refer her to a therapist and you'd ended up talking about her mother. Was she ok, we didn't get a chance to talk."

"Yes, she was ok, I'm sure she will tell you about it, I just wish I'd done it earlier.

"You're sure, she was ok."

"I'm sure, she will be fine. I recommended someone I trust implicitly."

"Good."

"Shep…you're my friend, and she's like a daughter, I need to watch over her like a daughter, but you…I think you should consider seeing someone too."

"She asked me to…I didn't discard the idea. I'll do whatever I have to do so Meredith and I can have a lasting relationship."

"I'm glad to hear that. Because, lately, I think you'd been acting like an ass."

"You're right, I was."

"So, we understand each other? Don't hurt her again."

"I don't plan on it."

"Ok then."

"Richard, I want to marry her, she knows that, but she's not ready."

"I think she may surprise you, Derek, she's taking a huge step. I've seen her mature lately, and I think this is going to help her be ready."

"I love her…I can't let her down again."

"I don't think you will, just keep an eye on her, she seems quite vulnerable right now, and at the same time she's a survivor, she had to be with Ellis for a mother."

"I'm going to marry her, if she can trust me again….I'm going to marry her."

_AN I'm so pleased to post this second update today... again, Happy Easter! Ch 51 & 52 are ready..._


	52. Chapter 52

**Ch 51 – Pillow talk**

Meredith was sleeping soundly, her snores filled the air as Richard left and Derek went to take a shower. 

"Was this part of your plan to tease me?"

Derek was startled to hear her speak, her voice still drowsy, and walked toward her side of the bed, while wrapping the towel around his waist.

"Would you like it to be," he said raising an eyebrow in just the way she could not resist.

"It's already working…but, don't make promises you can't keep."

She was lying against the pillow and he leaned in to kiss her, savoring the feel of her lips, her scent, the joy only she could make him feel, and she returned his kiss without hesitation, with equal fervor as she felt his nakedness and fought the urge to give in.

"You're the one," he murmured, "that would be making promises that won't be kept."

"You agreed to take things slow…" she whispered, contradicting herself by further deepening their kiss.

"Is part of your plan to kill me along the way," he murmured against her lips, as he took possession of them once again, and they took pleasure in the closeness and the intimacy of their bodies pressed against each other. 

"Oh, God, Derek…I miss you so much." 

"I miss you and want you desperately."

"Me too." 

"Does that mean…you…"

"I want to Derek, I do… I really do," she told him, as she placed her hand on his naked chest and pushed him back just a bit. "But, I can't, I want to, but… just feel, we've got to get this right, once and for all…"

"Meredith, I think we've definitely got this right," he teased her, using every ounce of self -control to keep himself from pressuring, knowing, at least feeling fairly certain, he could easily seduce her and change her mind.

"I…I mean…us Derek, us getting it right, not just ...the physical…making love…we've always had that right, but us… you and me…our lifetime…"

He groaned and raised himself to a sitting position, "maybe another shower will help."

"After me," she said, getting quickly out of bed and heading for the shower.

She joined him a few minutes later, wearing sweats and her Dartmouth t-shirt, and laid down on her side of the bed. 

"How long did I sleep, it's almost eleven?"

"You fell asleep right after the movie started and in fifteen minutes were snoring away."

"I was not," she said and lightly punched his arm. 

"You were, Richard sympathized with me, and wanted ear plugs, but we wouldn't be able to hear the movie otherwise."

"This is so embarrassing, he's seen me half naked and now heard my snores, and wait, don't tell me, you carried me to bed….because I don't remember walking here…and he walked in on us kissing…twice today…and he probably knows about the bet around the hospital…and he knows about her...and you kissing her...feel free to stop me…"

"You haven't said anything that's not true yet…"

She glared at him, and both started laughing, and he pulled her close to him and held her tight, placing a kiss on her forehead. 

"Are you mad at me?"

"Why?"

"I don't want to tease you…not when it's…"

"I'm not mad at you…frustrated…not at you…just well…let's say my body is definitely frustrated."

She started to pull away from him. "Hey, what are you doing?"

"I don't want to make it more…uncomfortable…for you…I'll stick to my side of the bed tonight."

He pulled her closer, held her tighter. "Do you remember what I told you earlier tonight?"

"That you wouldn't push…that you'd wait?"

"Yes, I did say that, but we were talking about marriage."

"Oh."

"I told you I wanted you in my bed, all night?"

"Yes."

"Meredith, I knew, when you were coming over here, all it would be was I'd get to hold you in my arms all night…no other expectations, and now… well, and well maybe a few more kisses…and caresses…before the night is out…but I knew, all it would be tonight, was that I'd get to hold you in my arms all night."

"You're being very patient…and understanding…"

"I love you." 

"You really do…don't you?"

"I do…and I told you…I'll wait…till you're ready, when you're ready…when you feel you want to trust me again and I hope love me again...and be with me again…in whatever order that happens…I'm here…not going anywhere, and I'm not giving up falling asleep in your arms, every single night you let me." 

"Do you have any idea how hard you're making this…for me…"

He laughed, "shouldn't that be my line?"

She snuggled closer to him and sighed contentedly. "Thank you…"

"For what?"

"Caring…loving me…not too many people have…" she said, and he saw the tears escape and slide down her cheek.

"You need to get used to it…I don't plan on stopping."

They laid in silence several minutes, before she reached out and laced her fingers with his, both now facing each other. 

"Derek, I think we've really traumatized the chief," she said and smiled.

"We definitely have." 

"Don't be a jerk, you don't have to agree with me, it's so embarrassing."

"Meredith, he knows how we feel about each other, he's fine, though he did let me know I better watch my step, and stop being an ass." 

"He did?"

"He did." 

"What exactly did he say?"

"He expects me to take care of you and not hurt you again."

"Do you mind that he was talking to you…about me?"

"Why would I mind, he cares about you…he's trying to protect you, and I appreciate that he is looking out for you." 

"I asked him to refer me to someone…to a therapist…he suggested someone, she's a psychiatrist."

"You're going to call her?"

"Yes, I'm going to try to see her as soon as possible."

"Are you sure it's what you want to do?"

"Yes. I've spent all my life avoiding dealing with my feelings, my emotions, and I can't do that anymore…I want a life with you…and I need to find out how I can put the past behind me, and be able to deal…and accept a different future…to be in a relationship… with you…" 

"He told me I should consider going as well."

"I didn't say anything to him Derek, I only told him I needed to go."

"Hey, it's ok, if you had told him, what you told me, it's ok, we're in this together, you and I….we'll work on this together, and, you're both right, there's things I need to deal with as well." 

"You do…?"

"I do… I'm just not sure I even realize what they are at this point." 

"Derek, we'll do it together…can we do this together?"

"Yes, we will do this together," he told her, and cupped her face in his hands and kissed her.

"Derek, will you come with me, even if you're not going to see her for now, will you come with me if she thinkgs it's important? "

"Whenever you need me, just let me know."

"Ok."

"Now, why were you crying, after your conversation with Richard?"

"We talked about my mother, and her last day being lucid," she said as she bit her lower lip.

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No, but I will…I think it's important that you know," and she proceeded to share her conversation with Richard, ending with Derek pulling her into his arms and letting her cry all over again over the things Richard had shared with her.

"Hey, remember you promised me no more crying…you're going to flood us out of the trailer, if you don't stop crying.

"Do you think, it's true, Derek, what he said about my mother, that she loved me…and that she wanted him to look after me."

"I'm sure, because, there's no way I can believe, if she was lucid, she wouldn't see what a beautiful daughter she has, not just how you look, but your spirit, your soul, the very essence of you Meredith, is beautiful, in spite of it all, of you doing it all alone, you shine with your compassion and your gentleness, and your ability to forgive," he paused, holding back his emotions, " the ability to forgive, even those of us that have so deeply wronged you."

"Oh Derek, we've wronged each other, and I don't need to forgive you…you need to forget about all those things, and forgive yourself, because, I already have…"

They reached out for each other simultaneously, and the salty taste of their tears mingled as they tasted and found pleasure in each other. 

"Meredith, if we don't stop this… there won't be any need or more talk about taking things slow…and you, stop crying, cause it's going to be more than just the trailer you flood, but our land, since you were also over there crying on Richard's shoulder." 

"You saw that?" 

"I did. Meredith, I want you to know, I told him I was going to marry you." 

"You did?"

"I did, so he could be assured I'm going to take care of you, that I don't want to hurt you anymore…I told him, that once you can trust me again, I want to marry you." 

"I'm really working on it….Derek, I really am."

"I know you are, and I'm going to help you, we're going to help each other get there."

Attempting to lighten the conversation before they went to sleep, she said, "Derek, I've been thinking," she giggled, "and it seems we really are the main attraction at the hospital rumor mill," she said and pulled away from him, and turned on her side, so they were both facing each other, looking at each other as they continued to talk, their fingers remaining intertwined.

"That should be taking a turn….tomorrow."

"Mark's going to kill you." 

"I'll just have to remind him it's payback…for the current countdown."

"You two are incorrigible." 

"If he hadn't started this whole…I'm 'lookin' crap…I'd never have even considered dating anyone." 

"Not good Derek, you're passing the buck…not good."

"Well, feels better to say that, than admit what an absolute ass I've been."

"Yeah, you were…but…you're gaining your McDreamy status…slowly…" she said and smiled.

"The fab4 are helping."

"You mean you're encouraging them to spread talk about our reconciliation."

"Is that how you see it?"

"That you're encouraging, gossip," she giggled, "how else can I interpret it?" 

"No, I meant us…reconciling…you're comfortable with that…"

"Yes, that's what we're doing… don't you think?"

He leaned over and kissed her softly, "yes, that's what we're doing." 

"I don't know how you're going to outdo the lavender…" she teased him.

"You mean you're expecting me to keep surprising you?"

"No, of course not," she told him, but right away he saw the look on her face, and knew he'd hurt her feelings when she looked away, and turned to lay on her back.

He was having a hard time understanding her, and something was nagging away at the back of his mind, he couldn't quite explain what it was, but something was not making sense to him about her behavior the last several days. 

"Meredith, don't turn away from me. If I upset you, tell me." 

"I'm not upset, you…you haven't upset me, I'm just tired, and want to go to sleep."

"Then why does it look like you're about to cry, and I feel like I'm the biggest jerk for even joking with you about something I have every intention of doing?"

"You do…you are?" she asked him, and there was such sadness and hopefulness at the same time, that it suddenly hit him. He knew, he knew what was nagging away at him, and he couldn't help but smile, and tread carefully, very carefully.

"I do, I told you, I was sorry I had been so neglectful, and that I had taken for granted all of this time, and had never given you a gift, do you remember our conversation?"

"Yes."

"That hasn't changed, I still intend to show you how much you mean to me, how much I care about you, how much I love you." 

"But, you just said…"

"You can tease, but I can't?"

"I'm sorry, Derek, I think I've become more emotionally stunted the past few days, and I don't know why I'm overreacting over stupid little things."

"It's ok, it's been an emotional time, for us both….and you get to overreact…you've been through a lot, and you're dealing with all of it now, at the same time."

"And, I'm making you miserable,' she pouted.

"You're not making me miserable, I've loved every minute I've spent with you…even our disagreements…"

"Right…" she told him rolling her eyes.

"Even those Meredith, because, look at where we are right now? We've made a lot of progress…and we're taking our steps towards building a committed and loving relationship…that would not have happened without these faltering steps along the way." 

"Derek," she said softly, and leaned in to him to kiss his lips, "I'm happy to be here…tonight…and to fall asleep in your arms…and I …I … love…that you didn't give up on me…that you didn't give up on loving me."

"I never will."

"Derek, neither will I."

He reached for her and embraced her, holding her tight, and she felt his tears on her face. She hadn't said I love you, but what she said was the promise of their future.

"Meredith," he whispered, without letting her go, "are you pregnant?"


	53. Chapter 53

**Ch- 52 – What? Seriously! **

Her reaction immediately confirmed two things. One, she could be pregnant. Two, it had never crossed her mind.

She immediately became rigid at the sound of his words, he couldn't possibly think that, there was no reason for him to think that, and she couldn't believe he'd joke about something like this.

"Derek," she started quietly as she disengaged herself from his embrace.

"Uhmm… Meredith…" he said softly, teasingly, not letting her go.

"WHAT? What in the world are you talking about…are you crazy? You seriously think I'm pregnant?"

"Are you?"

"Let me go."

"Answer my question."

"I have no idea what you're talking about… Derek, let me go."

"Meredith, it's not like we would be able to avoid this subject for years."

"Let me go, now."

He consented, only because he did not want her becoming more upset than she already was, and he could see the storm was brewing by the look in her eyes.

"Meredith, it's not the end of world," he told her smiling, looking down at her still laying against the pillows, and softly caressing her face.

"Don't patronize me Derek, and don't give me that Mcdreamy crap… I'm not in the mood for it."

"Then answer my question."

"You are absolutely out of your mind," she said sitting up, "seriously Derek, what would possess you to think such a thing? Pregnant? Are you nuts? I am not pregnant."

"I'm not crazy…I'm just thinking about your behavior…and it makes sense…Meredith it makes sense…"

"Derek, I'm not pregnant, don't you think I would know if I was…"

"Would you ? You've never been pregnant, have you?"

"Of course I would know…and no, I've never been pregnant, you know that…but I would know… I know my body Derek, I would know…"

"You're right, you do… you would know best…but let's say, for the sake of argument…if you are, if you were…would you tell me?"

"Oh, my God," she choked back a sob, "that's why… that's why you've been like this…pretending that everything was fine… and that we would work things out… and you….you've been supportive and patient… and it's only...only… because you think I'm pregnant… not because you meant any of those things… Derek, how could you…how could you do that to me…to let me think…you loved me…that you still loved me…and instead ….it's only because you think I'm pregnant…"she was sobbing now, and started to get up from the bed.

He was too stunned to react at first, then he was angry, but he knew it had to be the hormones talking. He was convinced now that she was indeed pregnant.

"Stop it…" he said, reaching out to keep her from getting up, "Meredith… stop it right now, and listen to me…"

She used all her strength, and pulled away from him getting up from the bed and glaring at him, "how could you, Derek… how could you, it's only because you think I'm pregnant, which I'm not…that you …that you…you were being all sweet and caring…and…"

He got out of the bed and immediately reached her side, and she turned away from him.

He turned her around to face him, not giving her an option to move away from him, "Meredith Grey, you will listen to me…and stop this nonsense…because you are making me very angry…very angry…"

"You're angry with me…what right do you have to be angry with me… I'm the one that should be angry…mad as hell that you've been lying to me again…"

Derek took a deep breath in an effort to remain calm. "If you let me finish without interrupting …yes, I'm angry… but most of all I'm sad…sad…that you'd think all of those things you've told me. Damn it …I love you… I love you…and you better get that through your head because that… has nothing to do with you being pregnant or not… and if you think I've hurt you… well you're hurting me now…you're hurting me more than you ever have before," he finished the sentence, and both faced each other without attempting to move, and she could see he was indeed hurt by her accusations, she could see it in his eyes, the very expressive eyes that never failed to let her see into his very soul.

"You're sad… I hurt you," she cried, "I don't mean to hurt you…you don't mean to hurt me…but that's all we do…all we do to each other…"

"Meredith…please…listen to me…"

"How long... how long…have you been thinking….that I'm …that I could be…"

"Pregnant"

"Yes," she said her eyes brimming with new unshed tears.

"About 5 minutes."

"What? But you…you've been so …so Mcdreamy…"

"That's just part of my charm," he teased her, going along with whatever emotion took hold of her.

"You are an ass."

"I've heard that before."

"Five minutes…you've been thinking about this five minutes?"

"Give or take…"

"But why? What makes you think…"

He reached out and touched her, placing his hands on her arms, and gently caressing them as he pulled her closer and kissed her.

"We are both doctors, we are not totally oblivious to these things…granted, I'm a brain surgeon, and not particularly bright some times…"

"I can agree with that," she joked back.

"But… just tonight… not even a few minutes before I said anything, I realized that there was a possibility you could be pregnant, and I asked you… thinking you might have been thinking the same thing…and hadn't wanted to say anything to me…"

"But, Derek…I wasn't… I wasn't thinking that… why would you even think I was," she said and fresh tears were sliding down her cheeks.

He reached for her hands and since they were standing by the bed, pulled her with him to sit down.

"Look at you…listen to yourself…when are you like this… Meredith…I've never seen you like this, all week, you've been emotional, you yourself said tonight you had no idea why your emotions were all over the place…you've been overly sentimental… that's not a bad thing… I love that in you…your food cravings have been a bit wacky…Mer, you're eating coffee ice cream… you hate it…you couldn't stomach the smell of fish cooking…Mer…I was just naturally jumping to conclusion…that's all…"

"You really thought I could be pregnant?"

"I was thinking out loud," he said, realizing this was not the time to pursue this conversation, if she was pregnant, it would be early enough that she...they… could deal with it later, this was not the time to push her.

"So, you don't really think I am?"

"You know," he said gently, as he placed a soft tender kiss on her lips, "I was just reacting to the symptoms…which could be confused…or could mean that you're pregnant…but, it was a very quick judgment, just a few minutes ago, I told you…it's not like I've been thinking about this for a long time, just a few minutes, and I asked you…I didn't think it through."

"Derek, I'm not…I would know…I had my period last month, and I'm about to get it now…I told you the other night…"

"I know…and all of this, the emotions and all, can just be the result of the stress you've been under, and I realize that everything caught up with you this week… and the last few days, Meredith…both of us… both of us have been through lots of emotional turmoil, and it's probably just that…that's why you're so sensitive…I understand…so, I'm sorry… I'm sorry for being insensitive, and bringing something like that up, without any warning."

"It's ok…I…I probably did overreact…but Derek…that was…I mean…you had to know… what my reaction to that would be…"

"I know…I'm sorry."

"It's ok…I'm sorry too…I ruined our evening."

"No, you didn't…we've had a lovely evening…and now…we just worked through a misunderstanding…that's very good…good progress as you would say."

"It is…thank you…for not being angry with me."

"Let's go to bed…ok…"

"I'm not really tired anymore."

"Yes, I can see where this was a wake up call."

"I'm sorry…for being mean to you," she said and leaned closer to him and kissed him.

"Want to make it up to me…"

"Can you handle it…?"

"I think…where you're concerned…tonight I've proven my surmountable self-control,"

He said and gave her an intense, penetrating look, she knew she would not be able to resist much longer.

"Maybe…we shouldn't push our luck."

"Maybe you're right…I'll be right back."

"Where are you going?"

"You'll see…"

She saw him reach the refrigerator, and smiled when he took out two gallons of ice cream, and came back with one bowl for each.

"You missed dessert."

"You're trying to break this to me slowly aren't you?"

"What are you talking about…" he said without looking at her.

She reached out for his hand, and smiled, "you really think it's a possibility…"

"I told you, it was something I said off the top of my head, don't worry about it, ok."

"Derek,"

"Uhmm…" he murmured, as he fed her a spoonful of coffee ice cream.

"You're humoring my denial…aren't you?"

"I love you," he told her, "that's all I know."

She reached into her bowl and brought a spoonful of strawberry ice cream to his mouth.

"Sympathy cravings," she joked, and both laughed easily, placing the bowls aside, they reached out for each other, and hugged and cuddled, with him offering all the love he felt for her and possibly their unborn child.

"Derek…what if I am…what if…by some fluke... I am pregnant…"

"You tell me…what if you are…"

"How would you feel…under the circumstances," she said, reaching out for his hand, and again both laid side by side facing each other.

"Meredith, I would… I could never suggest…that you…you look at options…but…I can't…won't…force… "

"Derek, what are you suggesting…would you…you would want me to consider options…"

He cleared his throat, before trusting himself to speak, "it's…it's not what I would want…but, I would…would have to understand…that it's ultimately your choice."

"Would you…would you understand?"

"I would have no choice."

"How can you say that….it would be our baby… Derek…our baby…I can't… I wouldn't, I wouldn't want to do anything else…it would be part of us…and you'd…you want me to consider…"

"I don't want you to consider any options…but to have the baby…but…"

"There's no buts…"

"Thank you…" he said, "because if that's what you wanted…" he paused, raw emotion in his voice.

"It's not…it wouldn't be…no matter how scary that possibility seems…there would be only one option."

He leaned close to kiss her, and then held her close in his arms, as she laid her head on his chest and snuggled closer.

"Derek, I'm sorry…"

"About what?"

"Overreacting…"

"Meredith, you're not…I'm sure I would be feeling just as you are… after everything that's happened lately…and all you're dealing with…including making the decision to seek therapy…and us…it was overwhelming for me to throw that out there…"

"I'm sorry, I know you wouldn't mind a baby…and that you're probably disappointed… but, Derek, I know I'm not pregnant."

"It's ok…we have a lot of things to deal with…when the time is right... if you're ready… we'll have a baby."

"Derek, we never…ever… do things…when the time is right, " she laughed.

"Yes, you're right… we don't," he laughed, "even arguing about nonexistent babies."

He couldn't help himself, he laid her back against the pillows, and gently caressed her abdomen, and she saw the longing in his eyes, and laid her hand on top of his.

"Derek, do you remember my dream…" she asked softly.

"The one you wouldn't share with me…"

"I'm sharing it with you now… when the time is right…whenever that is…we'll have our babies… Derek… I have that feeling…I know we will."

"Babies…not one…but babies…"

"Yes…babies…well.. kids…but, I have to be ready…and that…that dream…the beauty of the moment I saw, Derek, that made me realize I have to get ready…sooner than later."

"That's more than I could ever hope for… that you'd want to consider it…a family."

"I do."

"I love you Meredith."

"Derek,"

"Uhmm..."

"Whenever…whenever…it happens, I'll be happy…I'll love the baby Derek… and I'll try to be the best mom I can…but you have to help me…I have a lot going against me, and… don't want to be a mom like mine…you'll have to help me…" she whispered at the end with tears in her eyes.

"I'll be there…whenever it happens…we'll be there together, and Meredith, you're wrong…you've got everything going for you…you're going to be an exceptional mom,"

he told her as he continued to gently caress her, never lifting his hand from her abdomen.

"I can do that…not right now…but I will, I can…handle it… a baby…our baby, being a mom," she smiled, and snuggled closer to him, thinking, how wonderful it could be for them to one day be a family. Just like in her dream…they'd be a family.

Derek held her close, smiling, still convinced she was pregnant, and that she had no idea, but he could indulge her denial a little bit longer, he'd just have to keep an eye on her.

There were too many symptoms, he thought, too unlikely they were coincidences, and he was willing to let it go for now; if she was pregnant, they would be dealing with it soon enough, and he couldn't be happier. But, he'd have to help her accept that becoming a mom might be happening sooner than she realized and the rest, well, their love for each other would take care of the rest.

He had no doubts, none whatsoever, about her feelings for him. She may not be saying those three words, but every other word and emotion she expressed left him with no doubts she loved him.

AN this update, the title… dedicated to Tracy for her SC work!! The update to all of you who love the relationship between Meredith & Derek, but very specifically the FAB4…they each know why….Dr.A…and every single one of you that is reading and leaving a comment! They are so very much appreciated.


	54. Chapter 54

**Ch 53 - Coffee…decaf? **

"Hey…time to get to work," Derek said as he brushed her lips lightly and kissed her awake.

"What…" she responded a bit startled, "I fell asleep on the way here?"

"Apparently I was boring… or you were still tired, so I let you sleep."

"You're never boring…and don't let that go to your head. You also reclined the seat, thank you, I must have been out as soon as we got in the car."

"Pretty much, you didn't even stir when I stopped at Starbucks."

"You're joking, you stopped and I didn't wake up?"

"You were not a very lively driving companion today, but I still got you coffee."

"Did you remember my usual?"

"Well, I kind of got you decaf."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…" he said as he reached over to release her seat belt and kissed her again.

"Let me get this right, I'm doomed to decaf, because last night you thought I might be pregnant?"

"I didn't say that."

"You don't have to…Derek, I'm not…"

"I got your usual…"

"You're enjoying this, aren't you? Teasing me and torturing me."

"I love you."

"Is that going to be your answer now…every time you want to avoid getting in hot water…" she giggled.

"You think you're on to me," he laughed heartily.

"Are you going to answer me," she teased.

"No, the answer is no…just every time I feel the need to make you remember…that I love you."

She smiled and kissed him, "let's go, or I'm going to be late."

"I'll go around and get your door."

He came around and opened her door, once gain leaning in to her, this time deepening their kiss, eliciting a contented and satisfied smile from her.

When she stepped out, he opened the rear door and pulled out a Starbuck's corrugated coffee cup holder and a bag.

"What did you get? Coffee for every hour of the day?"

"Just a little something for the nurses."

"You're buying coffee for nurses?"

"Yes, but we're buying coffee for them, you're going to be with me, when we deliver it, you still have at least fifteen minutes before your shift starts."

"You're bribing them…over bets, aren't you?"

"No, I'm thanking them."

"For what?"

"You'll see…"

"Derek, I don't really like surprises…"

"Now there,' he teased, "I disagree…I know you do…"

"Derek…I don't like surprises… especially where nurses are concerned."

"You're not letting me off the hook, are you?"

"Not yet…but I'm working on it."

"Fair enough, I deserve that."

"Well, I won't always bring it up…but you just made it too easy not to."

"You're in good spirits this morning."

"How can I be anything else…after sleeping in your arms last night," she asked, as she reached out for his hand, and they walked in the front door of the hospital hand in hand.

"Good morning ladies," he greeted as he and Meredith reached the nurse's station.

"Good morning Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd."

He placed the coffee holder on the counter, "ladies, we brought you coffee."

"You didn't have to do that…but it's a great way to start the morning."

"Well, Amy Lynn, it's just a little thank you…"

"Hey, Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey…good morning."

"Hi Lisette, where are the two missing members of the quartet?"

They tried to keep from laughing, including Meredith.

"What, only Sloan can pull off any type of corny line like that?"

"Did I hear my name?" Mark said as he reached the counter, already in scrubs.

"What are you doing here so early?"

"Emergency surgery…"

"You… plastics… emergency surgery?"

"It's not just the brain that has emergency surgeries."

Meredith and the nurses actually giggled, "Derek, Dr. Sloan, aren't the two of you a bit old for this childish competition."

Both answered almost simultaneously disputing it was a competition.

"Right…just like you're not trying to one up the other on bets."

"Speaking of which…" Mark said as he glanced over at the nurse about to join them,

"what do the fab4 have to report on the status of the G-S romance?"

Meredith laughed at his fab4 comment, "Derek, he really can pull off those lines so smoothly… What's the G-S romance?" Meredith asked.

"Grey-Shepherd…" Tracy said as she joined them. "Good morning, who brought Starbucks, that's a treat."

"Dr. Shepherd," Lisette commented.

"It was actually, Meredith and I…"

"Don't believe him, I was asleep in the car and had no idea he actually stopped to get coffee, until we got here."

"Well, sweetie," Amy Lynn said, "you were in the car with him, so that counts as from both of you, and we do appreciate it, it's much better than ours in the back room."

"We certainly do appreciate it…" Tracy commented.

"Dr. Shepherd you said it was a thank you… but why?"

"I stopped to get coffee for us, and thought of you, and though it's just a small token…wanted to acknowledge how supportive you were of Meredith…instead of joining the usual group of speculators…when this whole bet fiasco started."

"It was…our pleasure… still is you know… setting the record straight…you two are meant to be together…everyone can see that." All three nurses were thinking the same thing, they rode in together, surely that meant Mcdreamy was truly on his way back.

Meredith was taken aback by his comment, and decided she'd ask him about it later, but reached out for his hand, and squeezed it, while her eyes conveyed her appreciation.

"So, what's this…he brings coffee and I can't even get my question answered?"

"Dr. Sloan," Tracy flirted with him, "maybe they didn't want to answer your question."

"Of course they do, what's the rumor status on these two…is the pool still growing?"

"Well…" Amy Lynn said….

"What?"

"Here's Steph, I bet she knows…"

"Know what? Oh, great Starbucks!"

"Dr. Sloan wanted a status on G-S bet and if betting pool is still growing"

"Oh, heavens no…not since…" she stopped herself.

"We are standing right here," Derek said, "you could probably just ask us."

"Never mind, I know the answer…but if they've stopped taking bets cause they think they're back together…think again."

"Dr. Sloan!!"

"What Grey, you're not together…at least not sleeping together."

"Ok…I'm leaving now…"

"You're not having sex…when you two are…there's a totally different look."

Derek decided to change the conversation, "ladies, coffee will get cold…this one's decaf if anyone's interested."

"Lisette will have that," Amy Lynn chimed in.

"Why…I need my caffeine."

"Not anymore you don't," she said, with an I know something you don't smirk.

"Bite your tongue, AL and don't bring it up again…"

"This sounds like an interesting conversation…." Mark commented, stealing a glance at Tracy and winking.

"Not as interesting as why the GS betting pool's not growing," Steph commented.

"Don't keep us in suspense, what is it?" Meredith asked and surprised all of them that she was engaging in this much conversation, though she was usually friendly she did not spend time with chit chat.

"Apparently," Tracy joked, "the fact that you're together is a fait acomplit" she teased looking straight at Mark, "and not as interesting as when Dr. Sloan will convince Dr. Hahn to go out with him."

"What??"

"Aha…the mighty Sloan caught in his own game," Derek taunted.

"You think…"

"It was kind of funny, Dr. Sloan…there's already been a high bet of 100.00 dollars."

"Really…" he drawled… "looks like I found myself the culprit…I'm surprised at you Grey…that you'd let him…"

"Payback…" Derek said….for your 50 bucks on ours…"

"Ok… boys…" Meredith said… "playtime's over."

"Girls, Derek was right…thank you…I don't know the entire story…but…thank you."

"You're welcome Dr. Grey…we are on your side, we told Dr. Shepherd that."

"I've got to go," Meredith said pulling Derek away from the desk, "I'll see you later?"

"Absolutely…have a good day…and…"

"…and…" she teased him, knowing he was bursting to say something else about her being pregnant.

"I love you."

Her laugh echoed, making the nurses and Mark look in their direction, just as she embraced him and kissed him before walking away.

Mark joined him, "you instigated a bet against me…your best friend…your brother..."

"I'm not telling you what it was…"

"I already know… and you're loosing 100 bucks."

"Really…"

"Really Shep…I'll be sleeping with Hahn…before you're sleeping with Grey."

Derek laughed, "in your dreams!"

"Care to bet on it?"

They both laughed, further reestablishing their old camaraderie and bonds of friendship.

"Shep, you ok?"

"Yeah…we're working on it Mark, really trying to make this work between us."

"I'm glad Shep…all kidding aside, you look happy, you both did today."

"We are…" he said, wanting to say so much more, but knew Meredith would kill him, and Sloan had a big mouth.

"It's a really good thing, you know…having your girlfriend back…may deter the chief from making any more girlfriend like demands."

"You're an ass."

"Yeah, but it's so much fun to screw with you head."

"Chief, good morning," Derek said as they came across him near the elevators.

"Shep, Sloan."

"We were just talking about you."

"Really, you guys want to set up another gentlemen's evening?" he said, almost hopeful for a positive answer. He was bored, and with Meredith planning on spending more time at Derek's, it got awful lonely in the middle of the woods.

"No," both Derek and Mark

"It wasn't that bad."

"Come to think of it…might not be a bad idea…" Mark said suddenly, "we can invite Dr. Hahn to join us again."

Derek laughed, "oh no…I'm staying out of that."

"What did I miss?"

"Richard, you don't want to know."

"Sure I do…whatever's going on in my hospital."

"Chief, I think it's time you and I went back to Joe's…I'll be your wingman again, you need to start dating."

"That's my cue…good luck with that Chief… Mark's been having trouble lately in getting…uh…dates!"

Meredith had already changed into blue scrubs when Cristina reached the lounge.

"Hi, you're running late, it's a good think…Bailey's not here…"

"No actually, I've been here for hours…got to scrub in on a surgery."

"Hahn still keeping you out of her OR I take it." Alex commented.

"Keep your comments to yourself Evil Spawn."

"Enough…it's bad enough I had to hear Derek & Sloan this morning."

"Mer, you're on 24 aren't you?"

"Yeah, Iz, and with my group of interns, already dreading it."

"What…your cloud nine Mcdreamy state isn't enough to overcome the stupidity of your interns?"

Meredith took a deep breath, before speaking, and Alex and Izzie disappeared.

"Cristina, I don't have time right now, but I need to talk to you. Please page me when you have some time today," she said, and walked out without waiting for an answer.

After hours spent in surgery and trying to be patient with her interns, all Meredith wanted to do was sleep, and she still had over 18 hours left on her shift. She was on her way to the cafeteria when Cristina paged her, and she sent her a text message asking they meet in the cafeteria.

"Hi, what a crappy day it's been, two back to back surgeries, and well, why waste time with complaining about the interns. I know we were not that bad."

"We kicked ass."

"I think you're right."

"Cristina, do you mind if we grab something and sit outside?"

"Sure," she said as both went to select their lunch, and went to sit on the outside benches.

When they sat down, her phone vibrated, indicating a new message.

"thinking of u" she smiled and replied.

"me 2" she typed, hoping she could see his face.

"What's so pressing you need to talk to me? Can you see he's starring to screw up again?"

"That's just it," Meredith said without hiding her annoyance.

"What? He may be trying, but it's bound to happen."

"Ok…you know what, you really have to make a decision here."

"What are you talking about?"

"You and me Cristina. Yes, you're my person…yes…you've been there for me, whenever Derek hasn't been, and God knows it's been more than it should have been, but I'm trying…Derek and I both are, trying very hard to save our relationship…to figure out what that means for our future together, and you have to decide, if you are going to be supportive or continue to be a bitch."

AN Dedicated to S/J for making me think about every single symbolism!! Even when I don't incorporate it, or continue to let them talk too much!!

I'd always intended to send a personal message to everyone that left a comment, but it's been really difficult with work and our really busy season is just about to start. So, in advance, thanks to all of you reading and very special appreciation to all of you who leave comments…or sign up for author/story alerts! You make me want to write something that is close to the characterization of these two fictional character we so obviously care about, and that has some semblance of rationality… if that makes sense given this is fanfic!! I'm looking forward to the rest of the story…remember…as I said at the beginning of the story, this is about the path that leads them to rediscovering each other, and learning that the love they have for each other will ultimately overcome any unexpected twists and turns. This is Mer/Der totally and completely…and how they will nurture each other and end up with a committed and lasting once in a lifetime relationship.


	55. Chapter 55

Ch 54 -

**Ch 54 – Decisions **

"Meredith, how you choose to handle your relationship is up to you. That does not mean I have to go along with your rose colored fantasy, and if being supportive means I have to pretend, then I guess you're right, I'll continue to be a bitch."

"This is not about Derek or my relationship with him, this is about you and me, and how you choose …whether… you choose be supportive or not."

"I'm not going to lie to make up for his shortcomings and your emotional needs."

"I'm not asking you to lie… I'm asking you to keep the bitterness out of every comment you make…"

"You're asking me to ignore how he's screwed you over time after time…and then when it's time to pick up the pieces…be there and help you get home after a night of tequila shots at Joe's."

"If you'd care to notice… you have not found me running to Joe's, but dealing with my issues with Derek instead of avoiding them."

"As I said, he's track record is not…"

"Stop it Cristina, this is what I'm talking about. Lexie's right, you know, I can't let my past dictate my future."

"Oh, please… you couldn't stand the sight of her a month ago, and now she's your best friend and your listening to her advise."

"Do you see what I mean? Why do you do that? Why…every time… I try to find something positive…do you have to knock it down…that's not being a friend Cristina, that's being right down mean and…a bitch."

"Then I'm a bitch."

"No, damn it, you don't get to dismiss this like that…you were my friend, my person…my sister…long before I knew I had one…two in fact, and you don't get to say that… not unless you …."

"Not unless what Meredith…if I can't be nice, and go along with your false sense of security… you don't want me around, that's fine."

"That's not what I was going to say…not unless you don't care enough about me to stick around and be there…"

"You certainly seem to be over your trust issues where Lexie's concerned."

"Cristina, it's not a matter of you or her…" she said softly, recognizing that Derek could be right, she might be a little jealous she now had to share her time, which was silly, but could be a small part of the problem.

"Of course it's not, that's not the issue."

"Are you sure? She asked me you know, if it was going to be a problem… that she didn't want to be cause for any problems between us."

"She certainly seems to be a fountain of wisdom isn't she?"

"You brought her to my home…I know you don't dislike her."

"Yeah, well, it was a moment of weakness."

"And I'm glad it was."

"What I think about him doesn't matter."

"You're right, but choosing to be there for me does."

"What do you want from me? To be nice and sweet and mushy …"

"No, because that would not be you."

"Fine."

"Look, you may very well be right…and I may come to you…falling apart, if he does let me down again…and if he does…are you going to turn away?"

"Of course not."

"You know how I feel about him. You are the only person I have trusted to discuss my feelings. Cristina, just so we understand each other, you do not get to belittle me or what I feel for him, nor the relationship that is developing with Lexie. If you care about me, you would be supportive, not constantly trying to undermine their efforts and mine."

"So you already have doubts about his intentions."

"No, I don't. I know he wants to try to make this work as much as I do."

"How do you want me to act?"

"Can't you try to share the positive with me….the bright and shiny instead of the dark and twisty I'm so comfortable with?"

"Have you asked him, why he was such an ass?"

"We have spent days talking about things we never spoke of before…and we're slowly understanding each other…we have a very long way to go…but I believe we have a chance, and I can't let go Cristina, not when there's a chance we can be happy together."

"So, now what?"

"You tell me."

"I can try to keep sarcasm out of our conversations."

"Not all the time, I still need to recognize my person."

"I've told you before…Mer…leave the sarcasm to me, it doesn't suit you."

"And Lexie, you're not going to give her a hard time?"

"What's this… Xena 2?"

Meredith laughed, "there's the person I know…"

"It's quite scary Mer, you as this protective big sister."

"It is a bit scary…feels like a huge responsibility sometimes… but you know, she seems to care…and that's hard for me to accept, and I'm trying, because she's really not at fault for what happened over twenty years ago….and you know since she got here and pestered herself into my life...I hate to admit it, but I was wrong…it's been nice…it feels nice…she seems genuine…that she wants to know me, and I want to believe that she does care…"

"She's not bad…after the initial hatred of her…she's not bad."

"I didn't really hate her Cristina, just the idea of her…"

"She better not screw up…I'd still kick her ass if she does that, it's still my license we're talking about."

"I'd like for you to get along…my sisters should get along," she said a bit misty eyed, which did not go unnoticed.

"Mer, you do realize, McDreamy has turned you into a really mushy touchy feely person…?

"Yeah…he noticed too…"

"Really, he noticed you're a pile of tears and emotions…didn't think he had it in him."

"Well…he does…and it really was more like…" she paused, unwilling to share the intimacy of her conversations with Derek, especially his recent baby ponderings.

"What…?"

"He is being very sensitive and sweet and caring, and frankly I'm enjoying…"

"You are turning sentimental and soft…I was kind of kidding…but…this …this is pathetic…"

Meredith laughed, "I'm feeling Cristina…I'm allowing myself to feel and not hide behind a wall of avoidance… I'm allowing my emotions to come through and dealing with what that means…because… if I don't… if I don't… I can't risk turning into my mother…alone and bitter…and never showing any interest or love…for anything other than surgery…" she took a deep breath, and continued while a tear escaped, "not even me…"

"I'm sorry, I know she was not supportive."

"Yeah…she wasn't…that's an understatement, a brilliant surgeon…but …I can't be like her Cristina."

"You won't be."

"I hope not."

"Meredith, I'll try…with Derek…but be careful…"

"He loves me Cristina…I really believe he loves me."

"Have you told him? That you love him?"

"No."

"Aren't you going to?"

"Not yet."

"Why not… see Mer… if you're not telling him, it's because you have doubts."

"Of course I have doubts…but, it doesn't mean I don't love him, and he's fine…he's fine with waiting till I can trust him again."

"Just like he was fine waiting before asking that …"

"Ok...did you just say that to be mean? I can't believe you, all this conversation… is just a waste of time…"

"What…what did I say?"

"You don't even realize it…you're a bitch and don't even recognize it," she said and started to get up.

"What the hell did I say?"

"You just have to plant the seed…and create doubt… that he wanted her and not me…"

"I did not say that."

"You certainly did…implied it."

"All I said was he didn't wait…"

"Yes… you don't think that's enough… that it hurts my feelings that you constantly remind me…he didn't wait…"

"Get a grip…I was just making a comment…and there's no reason for you to get so overly emotional about it…so irrational…"

"Do NOT… say that to me…if one more person says I'm irrational…I'm going to …"

"Glad I'm not the only one," she muttered under her breath.

"I heard that… you and Derek and Lexie…and I'm perfectly rational."

"Not that I like to agree with anything he says…but…I think they're both right."

"Oh, you're ….you're…just…forget it…" she said and got up to walk away.

"Mer…does …are we ok?"

"No…I should say no…"

"I'll see you later."

"Yeah, "she said and walked away. Irrational, she thought, she should show them irrational.

The afternoon hours passed quickly, and she was finally able to take twenty minutes for herself and went looking for Derek. She wanted to see him, needed for him just to hold her, she wanted desperately to be held in his arms, even if for a few minutes it would get her through the rest of the day.

"Grey," she looked away from the surgical board and met his gaze, "what's with I just lost my puppy look?"

"Dr. Sloan, I don't know what you're talking about."

"You can call me Mark…you know, and don't avoid the question."

"I'm not avoiding the question, just don't know what you mean," and looked at her watch and again at the board.

"What's wrong? I thought things were ok with you and Shep."

"They are."

"So, why the…oh…" he paused and laughed, "he's in surgery…and you were looking for him, and voila… the disappointment..."

She looked away, "you really do have a lot of free time…don't you?"

"Want to switch to plastics?"

"No."

"Come on Grey…you know you've secretly had the hots for me since the first day we met, before Shep punched me out…I know you'd have gone out with me."

She laughed, "you are so…"

"That's better, laughing…smiling suits you. Don't pout for too long, he's almost done with his surgery, I was just up in the gallery."

Her face it up with a smile, "that's good…I've got to go."

"Meredith…"

"Yes?"

"I really hope to lose the bet."

"What….what do you mean?"

"You and Shep, this time…I hope the two of you can work it out…however long it takes…I hope you can work it out…and that it's not going to be 23 days…"

She didn't say anything, couldn't say anything after his last comment.

"Close your mouth…you'll catch flies."

"Mark…thank you."

"Just remember…I expect to be best man…"

"I don't think that would have anything to do with me."

"Of course it does… I think Shep will make you and me sign a pledge we won't sleep together in ten years," he winked at her.

She could not believe him, that he'd make a comment like that, but it was Mark, and she couldn't help but laugh out loud.

Suddenly, she felt two arms wrap themselves around her, and the world felt right, as she leaned back in his embrace.

"What's so funny?" Derek asked holding her close and enjoying her scent.

"I told her, I expected to be best man at your wedding, and that I would promise I would not sleep with her in ten years."

"You are such an ass."

"Yeah, just wanted to make sure she didn't get any ideas."

Derek held her closer as she gently caressed his arms, and all three laughed.

"Do you have a few minutes," she asked.

"Of course, let's go to my office," he let her go, and held her hand as they started to walk away.

"See you guys later, and just remember to keep the noise down."

Meredith and Derek ignored him and walked to his office, and Derek locked the door.

"How was your day?"

"Long…tiring…and it's still not half way there…"

"Can I help?"

"You already are," she said as she wrapped her arms around his waist and rested her face on his chest and sighed in contentment.

"You're very easy to please," he teased her as he caressed her back, and kissed the top of her head.

"I…I wanted…needed to see you…"

"What's wrong, are you ok," he asked with genuine concern.

"Yes…I just needed to hold you…well, to have you hold me…for a few minutes."

"I'm always here…whenever you need me…"

She snuggled closer in his embrace, "I'm going to miss you tonight."

"So will I…but maybe we can grab a bite to eat for dinner."

"I can't, I'm going to have to get a ride home and get my car, so I can't take time to do both."

"Why do you need your car?" he asked as he pulled back to look at her.

"You drove me here…I have to get home in the morning."

"That's right."

He leaned down to kiss her softly. She looked tired and there was a softness and vulnerability about her that had him convinced she was indeed pregnant, but he wasn't going to push it, not today.

"Derek, I spoke to Cristina."

"Is everything ok?"

"I think so, I told her how I felt about her attitude, always being so negative….and making me doubt…" she paused wishing she had not said that.

"She's making you doubt…are you having doubts about us…" he asked and she saw the sadness in his eyes.

"No…I am not," she stated firmly, and reached up to kiss him, softly at first, then deepened the kiss answering his question to great satisfaction, and then held on to him never wanting to let go.

"I have a better idea about the car…we can have dinner…and instead of picking up your car, I'll drive you home in the morning."

"Derek, you don't have to do that…my shift ends at seven, and there's no reason for you to get up early and be here to take me home."

"But you're wrong," he said as he brought his lips to hers, "I want to….I want to spend time with you at dinner…and see you in the morning…and drive you home."

"Derek, that's really not necessary…"

"It is…I want to take care of you…and you don't often let me, so…will you please let me?"

She answered him with a kiss, "I'll page you for an early dinner, so you can go home."

"I love you Meredith," he said and kissed her lightly, before he let her leave.


	56. Chapter 56

**Ch – 55 Brotherly affection**

It was almost four o'clock when her pager went off, and she ended up with another surgery.

"Grey," Mark said a bit surprised she was scrubbing in, "I didn't know you were paged for this surgery."

"It's been that kind of day, Dr. Sloan, this should be good…haven't been in one of your surgeries in a while."

"Yeah," he said uncharacteristically preoccupied.

"Is everything all right," she asked him.

"Grey, look…you don't have to scrub in…"

"Why not?"

"Well…it's… Rose is the scrub nurse."

Taking a deep breath, she did not answer immediately, but then said, "I appreciate your thoughtfulness…but, it's bound to happen…this is just the first time since…"

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said and followed him in to the OR. Meanwhile, she felt herself becoming weaker and losing her resolve, wishing she could run away and hide.

The surgery was fairly routine, and was not supposed to last longer than hour, but fifteen minutes already seemed like hours, and then she felt someone's gaze on her and lifted her eyes and found herself staring into dark penetrating and challenging brown eyes.

She hated Derek at that moment, hated him for having kissed that woman and for putting her in the position she was in right now. Hated him for the heartbreaking feelings deep within her soul and the doubts that came rushing back, and no matter how much he apologized or how much he voiced his regret, there was one undeniable fact, that however brief the moment had been, he had chosen Rose over her.

Mark heard the almost inaudible gasp and immediately glanced up, noticing Meredith had suddenly become very pale and for just a second had closed her eyes, and when they opened he was looking into shining green-grey eyes brimming with tears.

"Grey, I should have banned you from my surgeries…after you've been holding out on me," he began, in an attempt to clearly establish boundaries and publicly stating his support of her.

He'd been quick to judge her, the dirty mistress, and not long ago Derek had cursed him out and forbade him to speak about her again. He 'd been surprised over the sense of protectiveness he'd felt for her the day she unknowingly revealed the horribly lonely childhood she'd had, and Mark Sloan now unexpectedly experienced a sense of brotherly affection towards Meredith Grey.

"Excuse me, Dr. Sloan," she asked, honestly confused.

"Earlier today, Grey, you didn't tell me I'd already lost my bet," he continued as his attention was fully back on the patient.

"I'm not sure I understand," she told him, finding it hard to believe he'd bring this up at this time, and wondering what he was going to say next.

"It's really not fair Meredith, that you and Derek are clearly back together, and you didn't give me a heads up, before I continued to make an ass of myself over those 23 days…"

He turned his gaze to her, silently willing her to rise to his challenge, and not give in to the deep felt and painful emotions reflected in her eyes.

She looked at him in shock as she watched him say, "cat got your tongue?"

"I thought we'd let you sweat it out a bit more…that way, we could rub it in your face and it'd be ever more satisfying," she said fully rising to the occasion, and unaware of how she found the courage to speak much less what she'd said… publicly admitting she and Derek were back together, when they were clearly not.

"Lucky for you, Shep already did Mer…he's already rubbed my loss in my face… and the rumor mill's had some talk about lavender…whatever the hell that means…"

"Yes…part of it …was… related to lavender…" she said looking up at him and finally he saw a smile behind the mask.

"Now you are really going to owe me...for holding out…and having to find out by Shep rubbing it in my face…so our agreement…about the best man…I expect you to live up to that…"

"I'll have to talk to Derek about it…"

"He's not going to say no….whatever you ask him…he won't say no…"

"All I can do is try…"

"I have the highest faith in your ability to convince him."

"So do I…Dr. Sloan, so do I…"

The surgery was finished and both were ready to scrub out, "are you ok?"

"Yes," she said, but he could see the distant look in her face and the ever so slight movement as she reached out to hold on to the sink.

"You're not all right," he said and was at her side immediately and drew her into his embrace as she broke down and sobbed.

"I can't…I can't….I didn't …didn't realize…it would be so hard…so hard to see her…and she looked straight into my eyes…almost…like challenging me…"

"It's ok…" he said, trying to find a way out of this, he definitely was not comfortable with the role of support he had been handed, "if you want me to hold you, it's ok by me… but you know," he tried to tease her, " if Derek finds us like this…we're both going to be in a hell of a lot of trouble… and I don't think he'll agree to me being best man…"

"How…how can you joke?"

"Because I want to see you smile."

"Why…why did you do that… in surgery…why…"

"Because, I saw how you reacted and knew it had to be related to her…and I wanted to make it very clear to everyone that Derek has chosen to be with you."

"But…he didn't…at some point…he chose her…"

"Grey, you must know by now that Derek's not really bright about some things…and this is one of them…he's got no experience with women…"

"What…" she said and could not help but laugh.

"I'm serious…and hey, I've tried to teach him…but the guy's slow…"

"Mark…Derek is not slow…"

"I'm not talking about sex Grey…"

"Neither was I…"

"See, there we disagree, the man is naïve about women …Grey… he went from home and five women whom he trusts… to some girls, never as many as me, even at that young age…and then Addie…and then…you…"

"He would so kill you over this conversation."

"He should be kissing the ground I walk on… over saving his ass right now…and establishing where my loyalties are…"

"I think you've done that Mark…you are pretty much back to how things were before… aren't you?"

"Yes, but I did not mean my loyalty to him. But to you…to you as the only woman he loves."

"To me," she asked, and he saw the tears in her eyes, "but why… lots of times I've certain you really don't like me…"

"I wasn't sure about you…that's different…but now…well, I think you're pretty special."

"Thank you…" she said, visibly moved, "I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't been there."

"You would have been just fine," he told her and pressed a kiss to her forehead, "I've got to go, I have another scheduled surgery now."

"Mark…" she said before he walked out, "I hope Derek loses his bet as well."

"Oh…and what exactly was that.?"

"I know he didn't tell you…but…I owe you…so…"

"Fess up… Grey…"

"When hell freezes over…"

He laughed, "that bastard…he knew…that would only raise the challenge…"

Meredith felt absolutely drained, physically and emotionally. She had told Derek she'd page him for an early dinner, but couldn't bring herself to do it, her emotions were too raw…to vulnerable right now.

Derek lost track of time as he sat in his office catching up with paperwork, when he suddenly glanced at his watch and it was almost seven o'clock. Meredith hadn't paged him which meant she must be tied up in surgery, so he went to figure out when she would be done.

He stepped into the elevator and saw a friendly face. "Lexie, this is a nice surprise."

"Hi Dr. Shepherd."

"Are we back to that?"

"In the hospital…we are…"

"Have you seen Meredith, she was supposed to page me about having dinner."

"Oh…I'm not sure, but I just saw her and she asked me to give her a ride home so she could get her car."

"She asked you to do that? When?"

"A few minutes ago…" she was wrapping up some charts and told me she'd meet me in about 10 minutes.

He felt the floor dropped out from under him…and that something was terribly wrong.

"Do you know, if she was tied up in surgery?'

"No, she finished a couple hours ago."

"Do you know where she is?"

"Yes, third floor…Derek…is something wrong, it… it seems….like you're upset.."

He swallowed hard, "no, nothing's wrong, but listen, don't worry about driving her home, I'll take care of it."

"Well…I mean…Mer asked me…and I don't want her to think…I mean…that I didn't want to take her…"

"Lexie, don't worry, she won't think that…I'll take care of it."

"Ok…Derek…I thought everything was ok with you two…but, it's not is it…"

"I'm going to find out…because everything was fine earlier today…"

"Derek…for what it's worth…she did look a little sad…when she asked me…"

"Thanks Lexie, I'm going to go talk to her. Have a nice evening."

"You too…and Derek, you may need to be a little patient with her…I think she's going through a really hard time…I mean… I'm not talking behind her back…but she's had a lot of things happen at the same time…"

"Yes…don't worry, I know."

Derek went to find her, realizing the first thing he needed to do was remain calm.

Something had obviously changed since he'd seen her, and he needed to know what upset her.

He walked directly to the resident's lounge and opened the door, hoping they would have some privacy. He saw her sitting down at the round table, head bent with her face buried in her hands.

"Meredith," he said softly, and saw her startled reaction as she raised her head, and he noticed the movement of her hands wiping tears away, and it tore at his heart.

"Meredith," he said again, as he reached her side and pulled a chair to sit down next to her, and turned her face to look at him. "What's wrong? What happened?"

'Nothing, I'm sorry, I got tied up in surgery, and just finished."

He took a deep calming breath, and reached for her hand and gently told her, "you're lying to me."

"I'm not," she said very quietly and unconvincingly.

"Yes, you are, and I want to understand why."

"You don't know it all Derek," she said defensively.

"No, I don't. But, when I realized how late it was, I thought you might be stuck in surgery, and I saw Lexie, and asked her if she'd seen you, she told me she was giving you a ride home, and that you'd been out of surgery for a couple of hours."

"She has a big mouth."

"No, she doesn't. I asked her, and she didn't know about the plans we'd made, so there was no reason for her not to answer my questions."

She tried to release her hand from his grasp.

"Meredith, don't" he said as he caressed her hand, "don't pull away from me."


	57. Chapter 57

**Ch 56 – Never again….**

He could feel her slipping away behind her wall of avoidance; and literally felt her need to dive face first into the river of denial she embraces like the warmth of a gentle and relaxing bath. He was not going to allow it, but the problem was how to handle it, because they were skating on thin ice, and he wasn't sure how they would survive another crack, no matter how small.

"Meredith," he said again, "I know that since I saw you this afternoon, something has happened, something that has upset you enough that you didn't want to see me and you felt the need to lie to me about it, and you don't want me touching you," he paused and swallowed past the lump in his throat, "I need for you to tell me what it is."

"It's nothing," she said avoiding his eyes, but did not attempt to let go of his hand again.

"It's something, and you need to tell me," he said as he cupped her chin and turned her face to look at him. "You've been crying, I can tell and I don't mean just now, when I walked in and saw you wipe the tears away."

"It's not important Derek, really, I just need to work out some things…"

"If you have things to work out, then we need to work on them together," he paused, "please… let's be open with each other, I don't see this working any other way."

"You…you…don't see this working…" she whispered softly.

"Is that really what you heard me say," he asked, as he experienced overwhelming regret, knowing that he was somehow responsible for her current insecurities.

"You…you said…"

"I said we need to be open with each other, because I don't see this working any other way. That means that if we are not honest and communicate what we are feeling, we will be making this much harder than it needs to be, and we're not giving ourselves the chance to make our relationship work as quickly as we can," he said as he continued to caress her hand, his thumb tracing gentle movements on hers, "it means we need to learn from what has not worked for us in the past and how we can change those things that are keeping us from being happy."

"You're…you're not happy…Derek, do I ever make you happy?" This time, she did pull her hand away from his.

"Do I?"

"You do…you are making me happy…but…when things…like today…"

He saw one tear escape out of the corner of her eye and reached out for her. Holding her face in his hands he kissed her, softly at first and then attempted to deepen their kiss, but she did not respond and he pulled away.

"I can't very well do anything about this, if you don't tell me what's going on," he said, and realized he sounded a bit too defensive.

"You didn't answer my question…do I… ever make you happy?"

"Just being in your presence makes me happy…but moments like this make me very sad…because I know I'm responsible."

"Derek," she said quietly as lowered her head, "I know…I know I was wrong in lying to you about being in surgery."

"Why did you?"

"I wasn't ready to see you or talk to you…because…well, you might think I'm silly and immature…but…it's my feelings Derek, it's what I felt…because…"

"Meredith…you know," he paused, gathering his thoughts, "we're both doctors…and in order for us to help our patients, they need to tell us how they feel and what is wrong with them, otherwise, there's nothing we can do to make them better."

"I know…"

"You and me…if we don't tell each other how we feel, we can't begin to get better, we can't help each other heal…"

"You think we're sick…that our relationship is sick…" she said and finally looked into his eyes.

He laughed because he didn't know any other way to react. "Ok… I did not mean to laugh, I swear I didn't…

"Fine, I can see how important this conversation is to you… you want to laugh at me…I'm leaving…"

"No you are not," he told her as he held her before she could get up. "Mer, you're twisting everything I've said…it's not funny, but in a way it is… in a purely, I love you…I adore you…but you're driving me crazy…sort of way…and don't say it… do not repeat that I'm driving you crazy…and look at me with sad puppy eyes."

"I don't really see the humor Derek."

"Meredith, you're twisting what I say…and I'm not going to bring up the word again. But, you need to work with me on this…maybe just wait a little before you respond to what I'm saying…maybe… be a little more objective…instead of jumping at everything

I say… and taking it out of context."

"The word you are avoiding is irrational..." she told him, and shocked him by laughing, "and you maybe right…about that…but only as it pertains to this conversation…not the other times...you've accused me of it…well, you and Lexie and Cristina…"

"So…what do we do next… we spell the word…instead of saying it ...like S.E.X in front of children…so they don't understand," he teased her, feeling just a bit more optimistic they might have a more rational conversation.

He could not help but smirk, if she isn't pregnant, he thought than I am, and smiled at his own irrationality.

"What are you smirking about?"

"You laughed…and it does wonderful things to my heart to hear it."

"Derek…that is so…so…corny…"

"You have that effect on me…"

She was quiet and he could almost hear the wheels turning, and reached out and placed his hand on her arm, gently caressing her.

"Will you please tell me what happened?"

"I had a long conversation with Cristina today."

"That's what upset you?"

"No, but it's sort of related."

"Tell me," he coaxed, and reached out to hold her hand, fingers intertwined.

"You're right, what you said earlier, about doctors and needing to heal… and you and

me…helping to heal each other. I didn't tell her I was going to start going to therapy, but I did tell her that I was allowing myself to feel and deal with those emotions…and by turning away from you tonight I recognize I was doing what I've always done in the past…instead of dealing with things…"

"I can understand that…but, we really do need to work on this …both of us…"

"Derek, I know, and I will… I am, but today…well it was just unexpected…and I sort of just shut down…"

"Why didn't you tell her you've decided to go to therapy?"

"Because…well, you know Cristina…and I don't want sarcasm…I want…I need…"

"You…need someone that cares about you and wants to nurture and support you…and love you unconditionally…while all of these emotions surface…you want someone to be there…and help you face them…"

"Yes…"

"Let me be there…let's do this together…let me be all those things to you."

"I will…I'll let you…you're going to have to be there, Derek…I don't think I can do it alone."

"You won't be alone…I'll be there whenever you need me."

"Derek…in case you forget…and I forget to tell you…I always need you."

"I need you too."

"I called and made an appointment with Dr. Beaumont."

"When are you going? Do you want me to come with you?"

"No, not yet."

"I'm proud of you Meredith."

"That's what the Chief said…when I came across him a little earlier…he had called her and she told him I'd already made an appointment. It's hard Derek, for me to accept that anyone is proud of me."

"You need to get used to it…"

"Derek…it means a lot to me…when you're not disappointed in me."

"You now what I would like?"

"What?"

"That you stop thinking about disappointing anyone… you are a gentle, loving and caring woman who can never be a disappointment to any of us who love you."

"Even when…as you said… I'm driving you crazy."

"I'm not going to answer that," he smiled. "I know a set up when I hear it."

His phone rang, and he saw the caller ID and let it go to voice mail.

"Aren't you going to answer that?"

"It's Mark, he wanted for me to meet him at Joe's at eight."

"How late is it, Derek, I need to get back."

"We're not finished, if there's anything urgent, they can page you."

"Really Derek, I have to go."

"What happened to upset you?"

"Are you going to meet up with Mark?"

"Yes."

"Then I better tell you."

"Wait…this has to do with Mark," he raised his voice slightly "what the hell did he do?"

"He didn't do anything wrong, but since you're going to see him, and he has a big mouth, I should tell you myself."

"Why do I get the feeling this is not good, not when it involves Mark."

"Didn't you say something about not jumping to conclusion," she remarked.

"I don't recall," he said with a smile.

"I was paged to surgery, one of his earlier this afternoon…"

"Are you going to draw this out…"

"You can't rush me…if I'm talking, you can't rush me."

"I'm not rushing you…I just need to figure out how much time I'm going to need to kill him."

"Derek, today…he was a very good friend…I'd never seen that side of him…and I don't know how I'd have got through the moment without him."

"Ok…what happened…and yes, he has his moments."

"He had a really good moment today…"

"Meredith, are you trying to make me jealous?"

"I thought you don't get jealous."

"I lied."

"Good then, we're even, but he thought you might get jealous," she said unable to resist teasing him, "in fact, he thought if you'd walked in when we were…"

"Meredith, what the hell happened."

"I told you it's my story to tell."

"Not anymore…not if that man whore is doing something even he thinks I might…"

"Get jealous enough …to not let him be best man…"

"You're going to pay for this…just when you least want me to be slow…I'm going to take things very very slow…"

"Derek,"she reprimanded, "this is not about sex."

"Who said it was?"

"Two can play at this game…"

"Yes…you're right…"

"Promise…"

"Promise…now get on with it, before there's no more waiting or taking things slow."

She looked at him, his mouth, and suddenly wondered why in the world they were taking things slow, when all she wanted at that moment was to capture his lips with hers and have him ravish her for hours.

She immediately stopped the direction her thoughts were taking, that was certainly not what she wanted, not after how she'd felt earlier today, and she was not liking the fact that even she was beginning to see signs of her irrationality.

"Derek, about earlier…we should finish that conversation."

"That's what I've been saying."

"Fine, but I wasn't ready to say it…and you sidetracked the conversation."

"If I recall… it was you who chose to tease…"

"Derek, I'm going to be serious now."

"Ok."

"Do you remember…when we talked about my panic attacks…"

"You had a panic attack while in surgery…."

"No…not during surgery…that's when Mark…"

"Wait, you said not during surgery… you mean afterwards..."

"Rose was the scrub nurse during Mark's surgery," she stated bluntly.

"I see."

"It was the first time I saw her, since…" she took a deep breath, "since…you kissed her and asked her out."

Once she decided to talk, he thought, she held nothing back, and he listened to her relate part of the story, as she did not choose to reveal it all.

"Was she rude to you…to make you feel the way you did?"

"No Derek, nobody could say she was rude, she just stared me down with that knowing look…the look that tells a woman…don't be so sure of yourself… I've had what you have as well...and very openly issued a challenge."

"This happened and it upset you almost to the point you had a panic attack, yet you couldn't talk to me…and you are so disappointed in me you withhold your kiss…refuse to kiss me back, because she issued an open challenge and you are anticipating that I will kiss her again in the future, and are already mad at me?"

"No, you ass, how can you be so obtuse?"

"It comes naturally, so please, indulge me, and explain."

"Derek Shepherd…are you mocking me?"

"Meredith, I'm not, I swear I'm not, I'm just not understanding…I don't want anything to do with her, I haven't spoken to her since I told you…and I won't…but, Mer, I'm not sure…what I can do…because I can't change the past…not now."

"I was not upset about any future kisses…and Derek, just so there's no doubt or misunderstanding in the future… if anything like that ever happens again, we will be over, no questions, no explanation. I will never again forgive you for something like this again."

"You will never again be put in that position."

"Make sure of it Derek, because, how I felt today…" she started to speak, and all the emotions came rolling back like waves crashing to the shore, and she literally felt herself go pale as she began to feel faint.

He reached out to her. "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"I was just thinking about what happened earlier, with Mark, when I broke down, thinking I was going to have another panic attack…that's all, I'm ok…" and she thought, that wasn't quite true, that was the second time that happened today, but this she was not going to tell Derek or he'd be hovering constantly.

"Have you eaten? We've been talking, and I forgot you need to eat."

"I will, I'll grab something later."

"No, we'll go get something now, and maybe you should lay down."

"Derek, stop. I'll get something later, when I'm hungry."

"I worry…I'm worried about you."

"No more changing the subject, let me finish, because I do want you to understand, how I felt Derek, because it hurt…it hurt a lot."

He did not say anything, but simply listened while regret was a constant ache, knowing there isn't anything he could do to change the past.

"Mark tried to get me out of it, but I knew I would have to face her sooner or later. When she looked at me…it was something I did not expect, the anger I felt, the…Derek it was not… not about you kissing her, as much as….I … I hated that you put me in that position… the fact that woman felt she could look me in the eye and challenge me…and it made me feel vulnerable and doubtful and it made me go back to wanting to avoid dealing with my issues…. but … as I told Cristina today…and as I told you, I'm going to deal with my emotions head on… so I did…and I broke down …with Mark…and he held me…and I cried…and then…I just didn't want to see you…"

"I see."

"I was wrong, and I should not have lied, and you came looking for me…and I know you care… but… I just was not ready to see you and deal with all of this…and it was easier to lie, since I had no idea you'd spoken to Lexie, and I would have called you later…and told you…. that I had run late… and all of this… how you made me feel…how I felt today…I would have told you tomorrow, when we went to the site…before that…I was going to tell you."

He was silent for a few minutes, then he cleared his throat, and spoke.

"If I could go back, I'd change it what happened, I would not have kissed her. I'd also would have made you tell me… that morning, I knew you wanted to say something, and I would not have let you go…. I would not have cared if you were late for a meeting no matter who it was with …but we can't…go back..."

"I'm not asking that… I know…"

"Let me finish…I can't change what happened, but going forward we can, we have to…we have to talk, you have to tell me when these things happen, and you need to know, just like tonight, I'm not going to let you walk away or reject my touch… even though it hurts me deeply…"

"Derek," she said, as she reached out to touch him.

"It hurts me to my very soul that I've done this to you… that what I have done makes you want to turn away from me…and reject my touch, but, I'm not letting you do that anymore…because… living without you in my life is not an option anymore…and if you ever decide it's what you want… at least I want to know I tried…before you walk away, damn it, I want to know I tried," he paused to regain his composure, because all his doubts were surfacing as well…waves rolling in like hers, breaking at the shore and slowly eroding the progress they had made.

"Derek…you're scaring me...with this talk…"

"I know I wasn't enough before…I've already lost you once…and I can't live with myself if I fail…if I fail again to see the reasons…that…that were there before…and you decide...you want to leave me again…"

"Derek…I don't want to leave you…I was going to tell you… I just… wasn't ready to see you tonight…"

"Just like you're not ready for me to touch you or comfort you tonight, just like you felt it was better to be alone, then to have me there…with you…" he stated with overwhelming sadness and heartbreak revealing itself in his eyes.

She did not waste any time getting up, and reached out for him extending her hand to him, "please," she pleaded, tears brimming in her eyes, "please get up and hold me…and don't ever let me go."

What had she done, he was saying things that had been too deeply buried, too immense to deal with in a few minutes time…this…this she knew, she sensed had been coming, and she was not ready to deal with it right now, but she would…she had to, and she was grateful she already had an appointment with Dr. Beaumont, this was something they were going to have to work through together. Trust was going to be their major hurdle. Love wasn't an issue. Derek did not trust her, did not trust her feelings for him.


	58. Chapter 58

**Ch 57- What if? **

She could feel him slipping away, retreating to a place darker than her own, and she knew at that moment he'd been pushed to the edge, she'd pushed to the edge and she could see the fear and terror in his eyes, while the thin veil of doubt was slowly replaced with his own wall of avoidance. It no longer matter he had not reached out to her, that he had not responded to her plea.

She could not let him turn away from her. She could not let him retreat inward. Because, if she did, if she allowed it, they may not have another chance, and she was determined, even if she had no idea how, they would get their chance to that lifetime he promised, that lifetime she wanted, only with him.

Looking down, unwilling to look at her, Derek was lost in his own world of doubt and misery, unable to see how they would survive what seemed to be an inevitable schism.

Meredith extended her arm, placing her hand on the table for balance as she bent her knees and lowered herself to meet his gaze.

"Derek," she said softly, "please don't shut me out, not when I need you…when I know we need each other desperately."

"You don't need me…or want me," he said without looking at her, "you made that perfectly clear…"

"You know, we really can't have both of us acting childish at the same time…"

"I'm not acting childish," he pouted, "I'm simply stating the facts…"

"Well, it may be the facts as you see them…but you're wrong," she said, and while shifting her position and crouching in front of him, she placed both her hands on his thighs. "Just as I was wrong to misinterpret some of the things you've said, and jumped to the wrong conclusions."

"What do I need to do," he said meeting her gaze for the first time.

"What do you mean?"

"What do I do, how do I show you…how do I get you to begin trusting me again…to begin having just a little faith in me again?"

"You already have, Derek, I'm …I've been trying…"

"Yes, but then, things like today happen…and instead of wanting to talk to me…to trust that we can work through things together…you avoid me and then make up excuses and turn away…turn away from me…"

"Is that what you're doing now…avoiding me…turning away from me…are you punishing me now?"

"I don't know what you're talking about."

"Yes, Derek, you do. Because I can't believe you are looking at me right now, trying to make things right…here in front of you in this very uncomfortable position, and not realize you are trying to punish me…to make me feel bad for what I said to you earlier."

"Then get up," he said sarcastically.

"Derek…" she shifted, it really was an uncomfortable position she thought, "why are you doing this…why are you being like this…?"

"I'm sorry, that wasn't nice," he said, and she noticed just a trace of him softening toward her.

"No it wasn't, but I know you're upset with me, and I'm trying to be understanding."

"Get up, there's no reason for you to …"

"There was…because you wouldn't look at me…and I needed to see your eyes."

"Please, get up from that position," he said as he reached out to help her up, but she wouldn't budge, as she looked into his eyes.

"If I do, will you let me touch you…and hold you…and kiss you…" she said, and he saw the tears in her eyes, just as she saw the same reflected in his, "even though…you didn't want to hold me anymore?"

He lifted her to her feet and sat her on his lap.

"What are we going to do? How do we get past all of these things…" he said, and she heard the uncertainty in his voice, and wondered how she could reassure him that she wasn't going to give up on them.

"Derek, I am sorry…for earlier…for not being honest with you…but, it was only postponing it for a few hours…I was going to talk to you about it, I just wasn't ready…and I am not going to go back to how it was before…but you can't expect me to change my behavior overnight…but I am trying…everyday…I'm trying…"

"We can't keep saying we're sorry, Meredith, we can't keep hurting each other…and I'm beginning to feel like there's nothing I can do…that nothing will ever be good enough for you…"

"I don't mean to make you feel that way…it's not my intention…"

"But you do."

"Then you have to tell me…when I make you feel that way, Derek, just like you tell me I have to talk to you… to express my feelings…so do you."

"It's not as easy as all that…sometimes... it's very hard…"

"I know that…me of all people, I know that…"

He was very quiet and though she was sitting on his lap, he made no further attempt to touch her.

"Derek, I know you're disappointed in me…and believe me…that hurts me, because I know I'm also hurting you…but you're distance right now…hurts…hurts a lot…"

"You're sitting on my lap, how much closer can you be?"

"That's not the distance I'm talking about," she said as she looked into his eyes, and without faltering added, "part of me wants to get up and walk away…but the other…the other is winning out…because I can't…I don't want to believe you want me to go."

"I've never wanted you to go."

"That's not always been the case...but…this is not the time…"

"Didn't we just agree…I think…we agreed… to tell each other what we're feeling, to not hold back…"

"We did."

"Then tell me what that meant…"

"You know what it meant…but, what's more important now, is that you tell me what's on your mind…what it is you've been thinking about that… when I look in your eyes I get this feeling…this uneasy feeling…that you don't want …that you'd rather I wasn't sitting here with you now…"

He didn't respond right away, but it was very clear to her that he knew exactly what has holding him back, and when he spoke, her worst fears were confirmed, because all his doubts and lack of trust in her came through like a million screaming voices as he began to open up and tell her some of what he felt.

"Will you…can you… ever love me again, or have I irrevocably sentenced myself to never hearing those words from you again?"

He felt her become tense and mistakenly assumed what her answer would be, and without hesitating continued to speak his thoughts out loud.

"Do I give up ? Is there any hope for us? Because…you know… I'm willing to hang in there... even if all there is…is that you will let me love you…that you let me make things up to you…" he said with deep remorse and longing in his voice.

"You said you wouldn't give up…that you'd do everything you could…to remind me of all there is between us…"

"Yes…but, Meredith…I'm losing hope…losing hope that you want me…that you want me in your life… "

"Why do you think I'm here?"

"I don't …I don't know…" he said as his voice broke.

"Do you want me Derek? Do you really want me in your life?"

"You must know I do…"

"Why…why would I…when you clearly don't know that I do…"

"That's different…

"How?"

"You know that I love you…"

"Yet, when I felt most vulnerable, tonight….I reached out to you…and you turned away."

"I did not…"

"You did…I asked you to hold me in your arms and never let me go."

"I thought you were just staying that out of …I don't know…guilt…comfort..I just don't know…"

"Derek, are you listening to what we're saying…how childish we really sound…what if…what if…we are both so concerned with our fears…and our doubts…that we're not seeing or listening to what the other is feeling…"

"What if…" he said.

"Derek, will you…will you let me show you how much hope there is for us…how much hope I feel in my heart… how much I feel for you …or will you turn away from me again…"

Their gazes locked, and she took the first step and reached up to gently push back a lock of hair from his forehead and leaned in to him gently brushing his lips with hers.

"Meredith, can you trust me?"

"Can you?"

"I need to…I have …I have to believe …I need to believe we can rebuild our trust in each other…because I can't live without you…I can't lose you…"

"Neither can I...Derek, I can't lose you…and I don't want to live without you in my life anymore."

"I love you Meredith."

She smiled and kissed him, teasing him, enticing him to deepen their kiss. Without hesitation he captured her lips and joined in a mating of tongues in an age old ritual of pleasure until both were breathless and pulled away to look deep into each other's eyes.

"Derek...please…don't doubt my feelings…I may not say the words…just yet…but you must know…you must know how I feel."

"I do."

"Then…can you please stop torturing me…like you did today…"

"Torturing you…" he teased her as he shifted her position on his lap, "you think, I'm torturing you…"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled close to him, "yes, you were torturing me…making me feel hopelessness and that you were ready to give up on us.

"What would you call, what you're doing to me right now," he said, as his arousal was painfully obvious to them both.

"Making sure you still want me…" she said softly, but could not suppress a smile.

"There will come a time you know…I hope you can take as much as you dish out."

"In all fairness, Derek, you are the one that sat me on your lap."

"Do I recall you asking me to hold you and never let you go…"

"Yes, but I would not have been sitting on your lap."

"Meredith…" he said as he kissed her softly, refraining from anything more, "do you honestly believe that would have made a difference."

"From past experience…no…"

"Don't forget it…just being near you…that's enough…"

"Derek…I'll make it up to you…"

"I know you will…"

"Promise to make it up to me too…"

"Just say the word…"

"It may not be a word…but a touch...the perfect touch…"

"Every touch by you…is perfect."

They were lost in each other's embrace and didn't hear the door opening, as she sat on his lap, head resting on his chest while he gently caressed her back, her arms, every bit of her that he could touch.

"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry, but we have an emergency."

Meredith was startled by the voice of her intern, and started to get up, but he held her, gaining a glare from her.

"Why didn't you page me?"

"Well…we…we didn't…"

"What…why didn't you?"

"We saw you were upset…when you walked in here…and…then when we saw Dr. Shepherd come in, we didn't want to interrupt."

"In the future, you make sure you page me, where do I need to go?"

"They called from Mercy West, they're dealing with a multiple car crash and need to transfer two of the least critical patients here for surgery, they should be here in about fifteen minutes."

"Thank you, I'll be there in a few minutes"

"I can't believe they did not page me, and are making decisions based on me being upset, that's something that needs to be written up."

"Meredith, don't be too hard, they had your best interest at heart."

"Derek…that's not their job, what if it was something else."

"They would have paged you, I'm certain of it."

"You just want me to overlook it cause they knew it was you in here."

"Damn right, if it had been anybody else, I'd be writing the incident up myself."

He held her close and whispered, "I'm sorry we argued, and for being childish."

"You admit it…"

"As long as you do," he teased and lightly kissed her lips.

"Yes."

"We need to stop this, Meredith, we need to talk, even if it's the last thing we want to face. We have to talk."

"I will Derek, I won't let it happen again, just make sure you're ready for my tirades."

"Tirades."

"I'm sure of it…you don't do things half way…"

"Are you implying I'm always going to be the one causing a fight?"

"Not implying… certain of it…I don't start any arguments…unless they are your fault."

They both looked at each other and laughed, and for the first time since he had walked in to see her, the heavy weight in their hearts had been lifted.

She stood and as she had done earlier, extended her hand to his, and this time he held it firmly in his. They stood facing each other and he enveloped her in his embrace, and whispered in her ear "don't ever let me go."

"Oh Derek," she sighed "we can't let each other go."

"We won't."

"I have to go."

"I'll be here around six to drive you home."

"I told you…"

"You lost your ride home from Lexie, let me take care of you."

"Derek, will you…let me take care of you too?"

"I'm all yours," he said as he winked at her.

"How do you manage to make everything sexual?"

"You mean you want us to be in a purely platonic relationship…" he said trying to hide his smile.

"Derek… use your brain."

"Uhmm….the brain immediately thinks…"

"Forget it…" she laughed, "keep thinking…just as you are," she smiled, as they walked out together holding hands.

"I'll see you in the morning, try to eat someothing."

"Behave yourself…and be nice to Mark."

"Now, I've heard it all…"

"He was nice to me Derek…"

"It's fine…don't worry."

"Just stay out of trouble…and no more bets, please."

"Make sure you eat something," he said as he brushed a tendril of hair behind her ear.

She leaned in to him and placed a soft kiss on his mouth, "I'll see in the morning."


	59. Chapter 59

**Ch 58 – Mutual reassurances **

Derek met up with Mark at Joe's, joining him at a table where he was sitting with Tracy.

"Shep, what the hell took you long, I thought we were meeting up after your last surgery."

"Hi Tracy. Something came up, and it's not like you didn't have good company."

"Yeah, but that's beside the point."

"Dr. Shepherd, it was nice to see you, enjoy your evening."

"Don't leave on my account."

"I'm not, I had planned to catch up with some friends here," she said as she got up, and placed her hand on Mark's shoulder, gently caressing him.

"I'll catch up with you in a bit," Mark winked at her and she smiled back.

"That was really subtle Mark."

"She knows I wanted to talk to you."

"You've been seeing her a lot this week."

"I enjoy her company."

"I like her, she's nice, maybe too nice for you."

"She has no complaints…none at all."

"Tell me what happened with Meredith today?"

"Have you seen her?"

"She asked me a similar question, if I was going to see you."

"Really."

"Yeah, I guess that decided how much she was going to tell me, just in case you told me first, but I know she did not tell me all that went on."

"Shep, the two of you need to get your act together."

"Look Mark," he started to say, but was interrupted.

"Don't give me any shit Derek. What the hell are you doing to reassure her Rose doesn't mean anything to you?"

"She knows that, we've talked about it."

"You think so… then why the did she almost have a panic attack during surgery, and almost passed out while we…"

"She almost passed out…why the hell didn't you page me? She didn't tell me that."

"There was no need to page you, I took care of it, and of course she didn't tell you, it's what Grey does best... avoid shit…"

"What the hell is this, you couldn't wait to mouth off about her weeks ago and now what…you've become her protector…" Derek stated, while immediately recognizing he was acting just as irrational as Meredith was.

"No you stupid ass, and you should be thankful I was there, because if not, I'm sure it would have escalated to a full blown panic attack. She displayed classic symptoms of it, and she doesn't need any more speculation about her going around."

"You're right, and I'm glad you were there. She told me you'd been a good friend to her today, but I get the feeling she left a lot more unsaid."

"Derek, what the hell is going on with you…there's no way Grey reacted like she did just because Rose was in the same room with her, there's got to be more to it than that, and you damn well better find out what it is before you lose her."

"I think I've already lost her," Derek told him honestly and dejectedly.

"Are you serious man, Grey loves you."

"You think," he said almost sarcastically, but more than anything his doubts were manifested.

"What the …fu…you know she loves you."

"Yeah, well, I'm not so sure."

"You can't be serious…if you don't think she loves you…why are you bothering with her?"

"My doubts don't change the fact that I love her."

"Why would you think that…today, she didn't react like she did because she doesn't love you."

Derek looked up to meet his friends gaze, and Mark saw doubt and pain and fear. "Do you know, she has not told me she loves me in…I don't even know how long…"

"Then… I repeat… why are you with her?"

"I love her."

"Shep…this doesn't make any damn sense to me…I know women, Shep, and she loves you."

"Yeah…well, she can't bring herself to trust me or tell me."

"Have you told her?"

"Of course I have…and that I want to marry her…"

"You told Grey you want to marry her…"

"Didn't I just say that..."

"Yeah, you did, I just didn't think you'd be that stupid."

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?"

"We talked about this…she's an intern…she just starting …you can't expect her to be ready for that…and how is it you didn't see her trust issues would come up…you're the one that almost ripped me apart over that."

"Ok…did I just wake up in the twilight zone?"

"I don't see Rod Serling here…"

"Ass."

"Yeah, well, you should be kissing my ass for trying to make up for your lack of judgment, and obviously still haven't learned shit about how to handle women."

"And you're the expert in relationships I take it…since when are psychology and counseling you area of expertise?"

"Since my best friend and the woman he tells me is the love of his life are too stupid to work things out on their own and are about to make a huge mistake if the can't get their act together once and for all."

"I honestly don't know what to do…tonight…tonight…she lied to me…"

"What exactly does that mean?"

"She told me she was stuck in surgery, when she was only avoiding me…"

"So how did you find out about it?"

"She told me."

"So Grey, actually fessed up…that she was avoiding you…"

"Well, after she knew I found out…"

"She told you the truth…about lying that is…and you probably did what, got pissed off and walked away."

"No I did not," he said defensively.

"Shep, I know you…you were probably brooding and pulling away from her…she's got issues man… you've got to decide if you want to stick around while she figures them out…"

"Of course I'm going to stick around."

"No of course about it…especially since you've got issues of your own to deal with."

"What the fu…Mark you don't know what you're talking about."

"Derek…you avoid as much as she does…and you don't even see it, you walked away from a marriage of 11 years instead of confronting the situation…"

"You know what, this conversation is over," he said taking a last gulp from his scotch set the glass down ready to get up.

"No it's not, and I'm bigger than you so if I have to I'll hold you down, I will. Now eat that food in front of you and let me order you another drink."

"You think you know everything."

"Because I do. Look, you're my friend, I've already screwed you over with Addie, but I told you I did you a favor with that…and well, I like Grey, and I think you two are good for ach other, so I'm trying to help here."

"It may be too late."

"Snap out of it you moron, she loves you, whether she tells you or not."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I have a hell of a lot more experience with women than you do."

Derek laughed, "I can't even dispute that."

"Do you know she never went trick or treating?"

"What?"

"Her mother didn't allow it…something about not begging for food, never dressed up for Halloween."

"How do you know that?"

"She told me."

"No, I didn't know that," he said while Mark saw the far away look in is eyes.

"Don't make too much of it, it was just one of those things. We were scrubbing in, the boy without ears…and she mentioned she'd never been trick or treating."

"Uhmm."

"Derek, I'm telling you because it made me recognize some things about her…"

"You realize you may be bigger, but if you even dare…"

"I'm not giving you a chance at the other cheek…she's vulnerable Derek, and it's up to you how this turns out."

"Seems like a lot more has gone on between you…"

"You're my brother man…she's going to be family…I have to look out for her…especially since I'm going to have to protect her from Nancy and the rest…"

"I'll be there for her…"

"Just like you were last time Nancy was here?"

"Things were different."

"You better make sure things are different Shep, figure it out, she was really upset today."

"She told me…you'd been a very good friend today."

"Yeah, well, all I did was make sure everyone in that OR knew you'd chosen her."

"She didn't tell me that."

"I don't know how she did it, but she pulled it off, let me tell you," he said and proceeded to repeat the entire episode.

"You told Mer you were going to be best man, and she went along with it, in public?"

"I'm telling you, you don't know her as well as you think you do."

Almost immediately he felt the vibration of his phone, and looked at the message.

- U still at Joe's

- Yes

- Know messed up today didn't mean to

- I know

-are we ok?

-sure

-oh… ok

- ok

"I take it that's Grey."

"Yes."

"Why the long face?"

"We just need to figure things out."

"I suggest you do that sooner rather than later."

"Mark, a lot of what you said tonight, you're right. Thanks for being a good friend today, to both of us."

"Yeah…well, if you can pull this off, not only do I expect to be best man, but godfather to your firstborn."

"Let's not get ahead of ourselves."

"It's been said in public Derek… the OR…when you marry Grey…I'm best man…"

"Yeah…we'll see…"

"I told her, she could convince you to do anything…and she agreed…in front of everyone."

"She did not, that's not like Mer."

"Guess she's never had to claim…or is it "mark" her territory before," he laughed.

"She did that huh?"

"She most certainly did.. then she broke down and sobbed while scrubbing out."

"What happened?"

"I pulled her into my arms and held her till she cried it all out, and flirted with her."

"You're not going to get a rise out of me, I know she's not interested in you."

"Told her she better stop flirting with me, else you'd really get mad and refuse to let me be best man," he said successfully attempting to lighten his friends mood.

"She did say something about that…no need for jealousy or such…"

"Go to her…you know it's what you want to do."

"Thanks…I'm glad…glad you're here in Seattle. I'd missed my friend."

"Just leave Shep, don't go all Mcdreamy on me…"

"Thanks again… enjoy your night."

"I plan on it…don't you worry about that."

Derek headed out of the bar, but first made a stop to talk to Joe.

Shortly after leaving Joe's Derek made his way to the hospital and reached the fourth floor nurse's station.

"Hello Debbie, how are you this evening?"

"Dr. Shepherd, what a surprise to see you here at this time."

"Do you know if Dr. Grey's on this floor?"

She attempted to analyze his every word and demeanor, as surely this would be something that would reach the rumor mill…and she had bet Rose was going to snatch him from under Grey's nose.

"She was in surgery a while back and couple of patients were sent to this floor, but then we've had several more come in from Mercy West."

"Thanks, if you see her, please tell her I'll be in my office waiting for her."

"Of course, Dr. Shepherd, have a nice evening."

Derek walked over to the surgical board and did not see her name, which meant she was at least not busy in the OR and should make it easier to find her.

Meredith felt the phone vibrate and smiled when she saw the message.

-where are u?

-grabbing bite to eat

-can u meet my ofc

-you're here?

-yes

-ok

Suddenly all her fears came rushing in, and she had a bad feeling about him being at the hospital, but walked to his office ready to face whatever it was that had happened.

Derek was sitting at his desk, and she immediately misinterpreted him sitting behind his desk as desire for placing the physical barrier between them.

What neither realized is that both were extremely vulnerable, and their words and actions were simply a result of the fear of losing each other.

"Is everything ok?" she asked without looking at him.

"Yes, I was with Mark, we talked about what happened earlier today."

"Oh."

"He filled in a lot of the blanks, I wish you'd told me."

"I thought I had mentioned it all."

"Apparently not, you did not tell me you were close to passing out."

"I didn't though, he helped me…helped me get past it."

" Meredith, these panic attacks…I'm concerned, you need to do something…"

"I am, I've already made an appointment with the therapist."

"That's a first step, but you need to talk about it. If it happens again, you need to talk to someone about it right away."

"I will," she said, while feeling an overwhelming sense of sadness and feeling like everything had changed since she'd last seen him.

"Mark also told me about his comments about us…our being back together…"

"It wasn't me, he…he just started talking…and then…I …I couldn't… had to go along…"

"I was just surprised…I mean, that you'd go along with him…especially the best man comment, I just don't think it's likely…"

Immediately upon hearing his words, she felt lightheaded and the room began to spin and she reached out to hold on to the edge of the desk.

"What's wrong," he said and immediately got up to reach her side.

"Nothing…just, look, don't worry, I understand…I'll just go now…"

"Meredith, I don't…"

"It's ok Derek, you spoke to Mark…I understand…and I was out of line, I never should have gone along with what he was saying…it's I embarrassed you…and well, don't worry…"

"What are you talking about," he asked her truly unable to follow her train of thoughts, but sensing somewhere along the way, even before she had walked in his office, he'd lost control of the conversation.

"You're mad…that he said that and I agreed…I shouldn't have…and it's ok…I'll make sure every knows he was only joking, that we're not…" she paused, reaching for him as she felt the room spin faster, "I have…have to sit down…"

He placed his arm around her and led her to the small sofa in his office, and immediately placed her head down between her legs, until he saw her recover some color and gently led her to a sitting position, and laid her head back against the sofa.

"What just happened? Was this the same earlier today?"

She didn't answer him, but he saw the sadness in her eyes, and knew something had gone terribly wrong from the moment she walked in his office.

"Meredith, what just happened…how often is this happening," he asked as he held her hand.

"I have to go."

"You're not going anywhere, you're going to talk to me."

"Please, don't make this harder than it already is," she said as she looked at him, unshed tears visible, and tearing at his heart.

"What…I don't know what the hell happened since you walked in the door."

"You don't have to pretend…you spoke to Mark…and he told you what happened, and you don't want people to think …that…that's there's any chance…you and I…are…are…" she trailed off.

"Are what?" he asked softly, totally at a loss for words.

"Together…or that we've talked about weddings…or Mark being best man…and it's embarrassed you…and I get it…you came back to talk to me…to tell me that…that…you…don't think it can work…"

"What?" he asked raising his voice.

"You don't have to yell…I get it…"

"Ok…from whatever I've said…since you walked in here, you interpreted all that…"

"You said…said.. after I told you he talked about being best man…you didn't think it was likely...so I get it…you don't want that…not with me… not now…" she said with a broken sob, and he reached out to hold her as she cried.

"Oh…Meredith…please, don't cry… don't you see… I want that more than ever…with you…only with you…"

"But…you said…" she hiccupped, "and you came back here ...and we had already talked…and then you saw Mark…and your message was curt and short…and…"

"I spoke with Mark…mostly about you…and the fact that he thinks we're both being idiots…"

"He did not say that," she said a bit more composed.

"No, he didn't… but he thinks we belong together…and to quote him, that we need to get our act together…"

"He does?"

"He does…and I came back here because when I read your message, I sensed you were sad… and I had been curt…but not intentionally…just responding to your question…"

"You sensed I was sad…from my message?"

"Yes…even through text messages…I can sense what you feel…"

"Derek, I just …I knew I was wrong…and I wanted you to know…and now…I messed things up again…."

"You didn't…I just need for you to trust me…that I'm in this…with you…until we work through it, and not jump to conclusions…"

"But…I sensed you were sad as well…your message made me sad…as though you have given up…and that scares me so much….that you want to give up..."

"You know what," he said as he kissed her lips softly, "we have to stop these assumptions, and just talk to each other."

"Derek…do you know what I wanted to say…when I sent you the message?"

"What?"

"I was going to ask you …if you were still at Joe's to stop by."

"Why?"

"To tell you in person…that I …I was going to miss being in your arms tonight…"

"Why didn't you?"

"Because, the way you answered, I felt …like you didn't really want to talk to me…or even text for that matter."

"I was having a conversation with Mark, and the minute you responded, I knew I was coming here to see you, to tell you I was going to miss you tonight…and make sure you ate…and I brought you something…"

"You did?"

"Yes…I did…"

"What did you bring?"

"Chocolate ice cream," he said and smiled.

"Oh….Derek, you remembered," she said and her eyes filled with tears as she leaned in to him and gently kissed his lips.

"I remembered. Meredith, no more holding back…ok…we tell each other how we feel, all the time."

"Are you going to tell me what else Mark said?"

"Maybe," he smiled and kissed her again, "but if he holds you again…and I find out…"

"Derek…you know I'm not interested in Mark…" she said quickly.

"Yes, but, he's worried I'll punch the other cheek," he said and they both laughed.

"Derek…can I ask you something?"

"No…pre-warnings about not getting mad," he teased her.

"Well, it's sort of telling you something too…"

"You can say anything to me," he told her as he reached out to caress her face.

"Today…earlier…when I pulled back…when I pushed you away…it's…it's the last thing I wanted…in the future…if I do that…would you please…please don't let me…don't let me push you away."

"If you promise you will do the same…because, it's not what I wanted to do either."

"I promise…" she said as she kissed him softly and buried herself deep in his embrace.

"Meredith, I think we both have fears and we need to tell each other…instead…"

"You have fears," she interrupted.

"Yeah…I have fears."

"I don't want to make you unhappy Derek…I want us to be happy."

"We will be happy…I know we will."

"You'll tell me…we'll tell each other when…when our fears are making us act like today…from now on, Derek, we'll do that?"

"Yes. I love your Meredith, don't ever doubt that," he said holding her tighter, gently caressing her back and kissing the top of her head.

"Derek, you're stuck with me…I'm never going to let you go…"

"So are you…and neither will I."


	60. Chapter 60

**Ch – 59 Absolute certainty **

"Hey, you want your ice cream, before it melts?" she heard him whisper.

"Yes…but I don't want to let you go."

"Then you'll just pretend it was a chocolate milkshake," he teased her while holding her tighter.

"That works too," she giggled.

"What did you eat tonight?"

"Some soup."

"You need more than that, it's a long shift."

"I wasn't hungry, but it's fine, it was lentil so it's good protein."

"You ate lentil soup?"

"That's all they had…and I can eat healthy…you don't have a monopoly."

"No, but that's almost as difficult to believe as you having a healthy breakfast."

"I'm perfectly healthy."

"I just want to make sure you stay that way."

"I am…I will."

"How bad was the OR with the patients from Mercy West?"

"Not that bad…I had one surgery, and couple of others came in simultaneously, so I assigned the interns, I'm surprised they haven't paged me."

"Debbie told me they had more cases transferred here."

"Yes, but I didn't deal with them. Why did she tell you about it?"

"I stopped by the fourth floor hoping to find you and asked her if she'd seen you."

"Oh, God, the biggest gossip, I know you like her Derek, but…"

"She's a good nurse…but, you're right, and she's not like the Fab4."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I can't believe you and Mark, named them that."

"Hey, they are fabulous …they've been in your corner all along."

"This morning, when you got them coffee, that was nice, it surprised me…but it was nice…that you were thanking them…" she looked down, a bit embarrassed, she wasn't used to anyone sticking up for her, not even Derek.

"For being supportive of you…when a lot of others weren't…not to mention helping me with your surprise," he said as he held her hand in his.

"Just don't ever bring Debbie coffee," she said "I know she's been behind …well, she started the gossip about you in the parking lot."

"I know, and don't worry, she won't ever get anything but the basic courtesies."

"My knight in shining…armor…" she whispered leaning closer in and kissing him.

When they pulled away from each other, to breath, he chuckled and teased her "did you just get that right…your knight in shining armor…"

"I've been hanging around Lexie too much," she said rolling her eyes, "it must be osmosis…she knows all these quotes."

"Don't forget it…I want to be your knight…to be there for you…always."

"I'm going to hold you to it, always."

Her cell phone vibrated indicating a message.

-All ok with u did u see see derek do u need anything

"Speaking of," she said and showed him the message.

"Xena," he chuckled, "even her text messages ramble."

-U stood me up, didn't see Derek

"Meredith that is mean," he laughed along with her, as two seconds later her phone was ringing, and she let him answer.

"Yes, Xena."

"Derek, what…why are you answering Mer's phone, is she ok...but, wait… I just sent her a text…and she said…oh, that is so not nice…"

"Talk to your sister," he said handing the phone over to Meredith.

He got up and went to grab the carton of ice cream and sat next to her again.

"You stood me up."

"I did not, he told me…Mer, I'm sorry…he asked about you, and I told him I was taking you home, and Derek said he… I thought…""

"Lexie, it's ok."

"You're not mad at me?"

"No, I'm not, I'm glad you told him. We're ok."

"Oh good…but Meredith, that was mean…your text."

"I couldn't resist, and I knew I was going to be talking to you soon."

"Well, what if I hadn't called you…not nice."

"Lex, I'd have called you. Are you home?"

"Yes, and I think George and I found an apartment."

Derek had removed the lid from the ice cream carton, which was still frozen

and brought a spoonful to Meredith's mouth.

"Uhmmm…"

"Mer, what the hell are you doing… I'm on the phone…can't you two keep your hands off each other."

She laughed at Lexie, "your mind is in the gutter, Derek just put a spoonful of chocolate ice cream in my mouth."

"Ok…it's time for me to go…and Mer…it's now chocolate ice cream?"

"Yes… do you have a problem with that…you should try it…variety."

"Mer, I'm glad you and Derek are ok."

"So am I, and Lex, I'm off tomorrow, maybe I can go with you and see the apartment…ok…I'll see you in the morning."

"Good night Xena," Derek said loud enough for her to hear.

"Derek, I don't want you to go…but it's late, you should be going."

"Throwing me out of my office," he said as he kissed her lips, tasting the remnants of chocolate ice cream."

"I prefer coffee…" he said, kissing her again and making her forget all about ice cream.

"You have a long drive…but, I'm thinking…maybe you just want to stay at my house."

"You're not there."

"I don't have to be…and you wouldn't have to drive so far…and there's ...you have some clothes there."

"Not tonight, I need to get home."

"Oh," she said with a hint of doubt.

"What's behind that oh…"

"Nothing, just I thought…well, it's my home...and…well…you're welcome to stay…and I want you to feel like it's home for you too."

"Yes…and when you're there…it feels like home to me too, but tonight, there's a couple of things I want to do."

"Like what? It's late, close to eleven by the time you get there."

"You'll just have to wait till dusk…"

Her pager went off as he spoke. "It was too good to be true, I have to go."

"We can't really complain, we've had some time to spend together tonight."

"You're right…now I have to go deal with whatever my interns have done."

"They can't really be that bad?"

"They're worse! We were a great group of interns."

"I can certainly vouch for one," he teased her and held his hand out to help her get up, "do you want what's left of this?" he pointed to the ice cream.

"There's not much left," she smiled, "let's just throw it out."

They left his office holding hands and walked to the fourth floor nurse's station.

"Debbie, I was paged."

"Yes, Dr. Grey, the patient in 4211 needs the CVC flushed and your interns weren't available."

"You paged me for that? Since when is that a procedure that requires a doctor," she challenged.

"Meredith, don't…let's go."

"Dr. Shepherd, I'll take care of this."

"Dr. Grey, you are the resident on duty."

"Yes, I am, but you are e being insolent, for whatever reason, and you know there is no need for a doctor for that procedure. Next time, I suggest you page me when there is real need for a doctor," she said and started to walk away towards the patient's room.

"Dr. Shepherd, would you like to assist me, since it obviously could not be handled by a nurse."

"Shit Meredith," he said as he walked next to her, "pissing off Debbie was not wise, she's going to make your life miserable."

"I can take whatever she can dish out, and I'm sick and tired of all her comments about you and Rose, so don't push it Derek."

"You know about that?"

"There aren't a lot of secrets kept around this place."

"It's probably only going to get worse now…Mer, that wasn't …and calling me Dr. Shepherd…really!"

"Save it Derek, come on, you're flushing out the central line."

"What… I don't…"

"You don't what…an important neurosurgeon can't flush out a line, let me remind you how it's done…you owe me, for what I'm now going to have to put up with from her."

"How did I get blamed for this," he pouted.

"I sure as hell didn't go around kisses nurses, now did I?"

They finished the procedure in just a couple of minutes and they walked towards the elevators for Derek to go home, and Meredith chose to be very public about her conversation with Derek, knowing full well it would be repeated.

Standing near the nurse's station she told him, "you did an excellent job Dr. Shepherd, I'll have to ask for your assistance for these simple procedures more often."

He brought her closer to him and played right along with her, "anything you need me for Dr. Grey, you know where to find me."

She reached up to wrap her arms around his neck, "thank you for tonight."

"You're welcome. I'll see you in the morning."

"I hope you miss me tonight," she told him as she kissed his lips softly.

"You know I will," he murmured against her lips deepening the kiss before they heard the all too familiar elevator chime.

"Me too."

Meredith smiled at him as the elevator doors closed, and then turned around and walked to the nurses station.

"Debbie, you will rarely find me contradicting the request of a nurse, as I do highly value what you do. But, I will not have you undermine me in any way, and that is what you have been doing all week, both on a professional and personal level."

"Dr. Grey, I merely asked that you perform a procedure."

"Yes, a procedure that does not require a doctor. So, I will ask that you refrain from involving yourself in my personal life, and do not bring any personal feelings you may have about me into our professional relationship in the future. I will certainly do the same, and I apologize for my reaction earlier, it is not like me, and I regret that I allowed myself to respond from a personal perspective"

"You are correct, Dr. Grey, that procedure did not require that you be paged."

"Thank you. You have a good evening."

Debbie watched her walk away, and could not help but wonder at some of the things Rose had said, it certainly did not look that Dr. Shepherd had eyes for anyone but Meredith Grey. Professionally she was undoubtedly an excellent doctor, probably would follow in the footsteps of Ellis Grey, except this girl had compassion, and she'd just earned her respect. Though she did not agree with public displays of affection, she'd been that age and in love, and if she had McDreamy, she'd be doing the exact same thing, claiming her territory indeed.

Meredith went looking for her interns and attempted to provide some teaching guidance, and she make a concerted effort to see things from their point of view, they really weren't that bad, just not competitive like most of her group had been, not to mention having Dr. Bailey as their resident had certainly made the stakes to succeed that much higher.

It was almost midnight when she saw the message from Derek, and walked away for a few moments of privacy.

-try to get some sleep. I love you.

She dialed his number and he quickly answered, "hey, you're not busy?"

"I was, but just wanted to hear your voice."

"Try to get some rest."

"I will, you too, have a good night's sleep."

"I love you Meredith. I'll miss you tonight."

"I'll miss you too, I have to get back."

"Good night."

"Good night Derek."

The rest of the evening became a blur of activity as some additional cases had to be transferred to Seattle Grace, and by the time it was three in the morning she was exhausted and cranky and couldn't wait to find a bed. By five thirty she didn't think she could last another hour, and was thankful to finally make her way to an on-call room

Sleep eluded her in spite of being exhausted and she lay on the bed thinking back over the last twenty four hours, forcing herself, or rather unable to keep avoiding her feelings, the emotions she'd be confronting soon enough when she met with the therapist.

The last few days had been a rollercoaster ride, but yesterday had been overwhelming,

She had loved going home with Derek, even with the fact that he and Addison had shared the trailer, she though of it as theirs, it had been their place before her, and there were plenty of fond and wonderful memories created to override the "wife" period.

She had not expected the intensity of the conversation with the Chief, and dealing with all the emotions about her mother's last day with him had taken its toll, as had making the decision to ask him for help in regard to a referral.

Then, Derek had totally blindsided her when he asked her if she was pregnant. She really didn't understand, actually she thought, she had not understood why he would think such a thing, but if she was honest, she was even beginning to see the signs of her irrational behavior, except she really was certain she was not, could not be pregnant.

Today, everything had been fine between Derek and her until she'd been paged to Mark's surgery and she'd been there. Even in her thoughts she really couldn't bring herself to say her name, though she had mentioned her earlier, before Derek went home. Mark had been wonderful, she had never expected he'd ever display any kind of support for her as he had, and she'd always be grateful. He was an incorrigible flirt, man whore in fact was the perfect description, but, she smiled to herself, if ever the time came when she and Derek decided that marriage could work between them, Mark would undoubtedly have to be the best man.

She really wished she could sleep, but her thoughts could not be silenced.

Replaying the last hours were the most difficult, she went over every word exchanged between her and Derek, and found herself crying each time she thought of how close they had been to having things end very badly that night.

Now that avoidance was no longer an option, and this she did recognize, a flood of images kept flashing through her mind, emphasizing the vulnerability and fragility of their relationship. She truly regretted how she had acted, pulling away from him, having lied to him, but what had brought her face to face with her most urgent fear was the way he had retreated, the way she had seen his demeanor transform itself and she could see the hopelessness and fear in his eyes.

It was at that moment, when she felt him slip away that she had recognized that she needed to put all her own issues aside and deal with his, because, if she didn't, if she failed to acknowledge the pain and fear he was going experiencing, they would be lost to each other forever.

Losing him she thought, losing what they had together was not an option, and just as he kept telling her he would do everything he could to remind her of how much they meant to one another, she would not give up on the dream that was now so clear. The dream of a family with Derek, this man that had come into her life and made her believe there was such a thing as love, that he was the man to spend the rest of her life with, and even after all they had been through, she knew unequivocally, they were meant to spend their life together.

It was up to her, she knew, to take the first steps to healing, and she hoped seeing the therapist would help her to that. She wanted so desperately to trust him, and though this last estrangement had brought all her doubts to the surface, she wanted to trust him.

Most important of all, she had finally realized that Derek did not trust her, he did not trust her feelings for him, and that was going to be the most important obstacle for them to overcome. She needed to show him he could trust her. He could trust her not to leave him again, and she knew, she thought as she continued to let tears fall, that he did not trust her not to give up again, just as she had when she had drowned.

She had almost broken down today, and told him she loved him, but even as she had watched his resolve crumble, his fears bringing darkness to his thoughts, something was holding her back. This, she needed to overcome, so she could tell him, so she could share with him all the feelings that were closely guarded deep within her heart, afraid of being hurt again.

In her desire to comfort and reassure him, she had wanted to blurt out the words, share with him her deepest feelings, tell him she loved him, instead, she had asked him to hold her and never let her go.

She continued to ponder every minute of the day, every second shared between her and Derek, and prayed, for the first time in along while, that it was not too late for them, that the feelings she held deep in her heart, the feelings of love they had for each other would be enough to weather the storm she felt was far from over. She sensed that whatever it was looming just around the corner would be their trial by fire, but though she shuddered at the overpowering sense that all was from a smooth road ahead, yet, she also had the most wonderful optimism that if they got through the coming months, they would be able to face anything together.

She was overwhelmed by the emotions flowing through her, but even the fear that they still had difficulties ahead could not diminish the absolute certainty that they would get though all of it together, and their love was truly one to last a lifetime.

She must have fallen asleep at some point, because suddenly she was awakened by the light pressure of soft lips on hers.


	61. Chapter 61

**Ch – 60 Mark… **

Meredith felt the pressure of his lips on hers and all seemed to fall perfectly into place.

This, she knew, is how she wanted to greet each day for the rest of her life.

He was very gentle, not wanting to wake her, but unable to resist the small contact between them, then he pulled back, almost making her feel like she'd just imagined it.

She had wanted to lose herself in his kiss, but as quickly as she'd felt his lips they were gone, and without opening her eyes whispered, "don't pull away, kiss me again."

Without hesitation he kissed her softly, and she responded lightly at first, playfully biting his lower lip before deepening the kiss and bringing her hands to the back of his neck and gently massaging it and stroking the curls of his hair.

"Uhmmm…what time is it?"

"Six fifteen," he told her as he got up from his crouching position and sat on the edge of the bed.

"Why are you here so early?"

"I couldn't sleep without you, so I just drove here."

"I couldn't sleep without you either."

"Is that why I just had to kiss you awake," he smiled and chuckled.

"I just fell asleep minutes ago."

"Right," he said as he bent down to kiss her again.

"I didn't even get in here till five-thirty, and then I was thinking…and it was …"

"What were you thinking about that kept you up?"

"Us."

"That bad…it kept you up, and you were crying."

"I wasn't."

"I can see it in your eyes…that you cried. Meredith…does thinking of us make you cry," he asked and she saw the sad expression in his eyes.

"It was a good cry," she told him, bringing herself to a sitting position locking gazes with him as she looped her arms around his neck and brought her mouth to his.

"How can you have a good cry?"

"It's very therapeutic."

"You want to tell me about it?"

"I will, but first, I have to go to the bathroom, I feel like I'm holding a gallon of water."

He got up so she could get out of the bed, and extended his hand for her to rise, which she accepted willingly, then as she got up, she felt the dizziness and the walls of the room began to spin.

Derek noticed it immediately and reached out to hold her in his arms. "Hey, that was no panic attack," he whispered making sure she had her balance.

"No," she admitted, and he could hear the hesitation in her voice, "I must have gotten up too fast."

"That can happen," he said, "let me walk you the bathroom."

"No, I'm fine, I'll be right back."

Meredith came back to the on call room, and found Derek sitting on the chair facing the desk, his mood pensive and not as lighthearted as when he'd kissed her awake.

He reached out to her and brought her to stand in front of him, while she leaned back to sit on the edge of the desk, and looked into his eyes.

"I hope you realize how very much I love you."

"I do."

"Yesterday," he said as he reached out and held both her hands in his, " last night was rough for us, but we got through it…and I'm here…in this relationship for the long-haul, no matter how long I have to wait for you to love me back."

"You…you know how I feel about you…I know you do…"

"I thought I did…a couple of nights ago, I had no doubts in my mind…"

"And now you do…" she asked as tears gathered in her eyes, "you doubt that again."

"No, last night, I had a lot of time to think as well, I don't doubt your feelings, but I do understand you don't want to be hurt again…and I can wait…I will wait for you to feel you're ready to say the words…to trust me enough to say the words."

"What I feel for you…Derek…it's so…big…and…scary…and wonderful…"

"That's enough…for now…" he said as he leaned in closer to her, and his face was at eye level with her stomach. He placed his hand softly on her abdomen and brought his lips closer to kiss her lower abdomen…reverently, as though he knew for certain she nurtured their child.

"Derek…I…I don't want to disappoint you…and I am…I'm going to…I know what you're thinking," she said as she placed her hand over his, and leaned down to kiss the top of his head.

"Shush…now, there's something I want you to do for me, and I don't want you to say no."

"What…what is it…?"

"Again, I need you to understand that I love you…"

"I know you do…but…I can hear a but…Derek…and that scares me…"

"There is no but…only that I need for you to understand that what I feel for you, it's not a passing thing…it's not dictated by anything other the fact that I have loved you forever…even when I've been a jerk, I've loved you and that will not change…I need you to understand that no potential unexpected circumstances are dictating what I feel…"

"Like a baby…an unexpected baby…" she said quietly and in understanding.

He looked up at her and again gently kissed her abdomen and then looked up to her as intense blue met grey green eyes, both filled with tears, "like a baby."

"I believe you…I do…I know you love me…"

"What just happened, when you got up, you had a dizzy spell, that's not normal…"

"Derek…I know you think…"

"Let me finish…I'm worried about you. This is not the first time it's happened and we thought it was all just one of the symptoms of your recent panic attacks…and I understand that it still could be it… I do…but that's not what it was this morning…and I want to make sure there's nothing wrong with you, and I want you to let me draw some blood to find out if you're pregnant."

"Oh."

"Will you do that for me?"

"But…I'm not…"

"Meredith, something is not right, let's find out what it is, please, do it for me."

"Derek, I hate to have blood drawn, and I'm pretty sure I'm going to get my period by tomorrow…but if I don't… I'll do it… just for you to see that I'm ok."

"Fair enough."

"Do you want to lay down with me for a little bit," she said as she brought both her hands to his face and caressed him.

"You know I do… but don't you have things to wrap up before you go home?"

"I've already finished all my charts and just need to wait for my shift to end, barring no emergencies…or my interns… it should be fine."

He got up and pulled her into his arms and whispered softly, "I love you, and I need to take care of you, this time…I need to take care of you…please let me."

"I am…I'm letting you," and suddenly as she snuggled closer in his embrace, there was this moment, a paralyzing moment of fear, because she knew that something was wrong, and no matter how much she tried to dismiss the premonition, she knew that something was wrong. "Just as long as you let me take care of you too," she said with as much lightness in her voice as she could muster.

"As long as there's no cooking involved," he teased, as they walked to the lower bunk bed and laid down, and he held her in his arms, her head resting on his chest.

"Derek, I'm glad you came early…but I wish you'd slept longer, you still have a full day ahead of you."

"Being with you was more important."

"We're a bit pathetic, don't you think," she asked him as she caressed his chest and arm with slow gentle motions.

"Uhmmm…how so…"

"We spent so much time away from each other…and now…after just over a week…we can't sleep without each other."

"I couldn't sleep before…it's nothing new."

"You couldn't….you never told me…"

"What could we have done…"

"Talked…" she laughed.

"Maybe…we had to go through this…to figure it out…"

"Maybe…but it hurt…"

"It did…but, we're working it out."

"What did you do …when you couldn't sleep?"

"Ask the chief…he even made up songs…"

"What?"

"Just teasing you…one morning, he was making fun of me being out fishing at three in the morning and complaining about eating trout every morning…and I told him he sounded like a country western song."

"You were fishing at three in the morning…and eating trout every morning…that's not very appetizing…"

"I know it's not… for you anyway…but it's healthy…"

"It's really disgusting Derek…"

"That's why I brought you breakfast…"

"You did not bring me trout for breakfast…I agree with him, it's kind of nauseating."

"Nauseating," he said raising an eyebrow.

"I'm ignoring all your innuendos…"

"I'm happy to feed your land of denial…" he teased. "No, I brought you a cold grilled cheese sandwich."

She went very still and he heard the quiet sniffle, "you did that?"

"I did…it's packed in my bag…in an ice pack…"

"Oh, Derek…you can't do this to me anymore…" she said

"What…I thought that would please you…"

"It does…but you…you're responsible for all these emotions…and how do you not expect me to get all sentimental… when you're being McDreamy…"

He held her close to him and whispered, "I like you all sentimental…"

"But…I'm not…I'm not doing anything for you…I'm just being needy and crying…and…clingy…and mean…and… "

"I love all those things about you…well almost all of them…you forgot bossy…I love bossy…but, Meredith, being like this, with you in my arms…that's all I need."

She pulled back a little and raised herself to look at him, and he knew at that moment she loved him as she brought her lips to his and they lost themselves in the timeless dance of tongues expressing love, a love that would last a lifetime.

Minutes had gone by when she said, "Derek, how you woke me up today, that's what I want for the rest of my life…how I want to greet each morning…with you by my side."

"That's what we'll have…that's what we'll work on to make sure we have that…"

She kissed him again, this time giggling against his lips.

"What's so funny?"

"I was so tempted, this morning, when you first kissed me, to tease you…. but didn't think you'd handle it very well…"

"I never knew you had a mean streak…first texting Lexie... and now this…"

She kissed him again, laughing, "it was mean…I was going to say…"

"What…" he asked her as he deepened their kiss.

"I forgot…" she said swept away by emotions.

"We need to stop."

"Uhmm… yes…."

"So…Dr. Grey…what mean trick did you have up your sleeve," he asked as he caressed her back in gentle motions.

"I was going to say….Mark…you know Derek will kill you if he finds you here…and you'll never get to be best man…"

He surprised her by laughing, "or godfather."

"What…you're joking…you're not mad…"

"I'm not mad…it could have been funny…especially after our conversation last night at Joe's…"

"Are you going to tell me about it now…"

"No, it's time to go… your shift is up, we can talk in the car."

"Can I have my sandwich?"

"In my bag…"

"I can eat it in the car, I want to get out of here."

"Let's go," he said and watched her start to get out of bed, ever so slowly, knowing she was trying to avoid another dizziness incident at all cost.

"Did you suddenly become eighty years old?"

"Ass."

He got up ahead of her and slowly helped her to her feet and simply held her.

"Let's go face the rumor mill, you're going to need all the support you can get, after your run in with Debbie."

"I took care of that."

"You did" he asked cautiously, "Meredith, what did you do?"

"I set her straight. We understand each other now."

"Oh God."

"Trust me."

They walked to the fourth floor nurses station holding hands, as she needed to make sure the incoming shift was aware of some of the patient's instructions.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, good morning."

"Good morning Debbie, was everything all right with my patients last night."

"Yes, Dr. Grey, and I've left instructions for 4211 to have the CVC flushed again early this afternoon."

"Thank you. I'll be back tomorrow."

"Enjoy your day off, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd have a good day."

Derek was incredulous, he didn't know what she'd done, but she'd managed to mend the rift with Debbie, if only professionally, but that was all Meredith needed to do her job.

Meredith and Derek left the hospital hand in hand and were quickly on their way to her house.

"Derek, this is really really good," she said in between bites of her grilled cheese.

"I fail to share your love for this food, but hey…you can have whatever you want."

"Derek, if I'm ever really pregnant, are you going to be this accommodating?"

"Whether you're pregnant or not…now or later…I'm going to do my best to be very accommodating," he said reaching out for her hand and bringing to his lips, giving her his best McDreamy smile.

"How did you turn this conversation to sex…we're talking about food… cravings…"

"Food…cravings…sex…who's keeping track," he laughed.

"You have been hanging around Mark too much lately."

"So have you apparently, since you were thinking about him, when I was kissing you," he pouted.

"Derek!" she said using her bossy voice, "you know I was kidding….it was just a joke."

"I know…and more importantly, he knows I'd kill him."

"Well you won't need to… because you're the only one whose lips I want on mine," she told him openly flirting with him.

"Meredith, you are going to have to make up for so much…and when you do…"

"When I do, " she said as she let her hand rest on his thigh and inched it upwards, "you'll be telling me how much it was worth the wait…"

"Promises...promises…"

"You can bet on it," she said as she leaned over as far as she could with the seatbelt strapped and kissed his cheek.

"What else did Mark say, you spent a long time at Joe's"

"Were you keeping track?"

"Not really, but I did want to see you."

"He surprised me, when I got there he was with Tracy."

"Really… I like her… but she may be too nice for him."

"That's what I told him."

"Derek, I really don't like Dr. Hahn, I don't know why he's so hell bent on that…"

"It's the chase, for him, it's always the chase."

"Unlike his brother…" she teased.

"Unlike him…by the way, he's taking credit for you and I getting back together."

"What?"

"Ask him…"

"Derek Shepherd, I hope you are not taking his advice."

"Actually, he's really on your side."

"He kind of was today," she laughed.

"And he's going to extract payment for that."

"You mean another bet?"

"No, our firstborn child."

"Derek! You did not tell him you think I'm pregnant."

"No… I did not, he just assumed we're going to get married, therefore he's the best man, and after today, he said if we can manage to get our act together, he's responsible, and expects to be godfather to our first child."

"Uhmmm…I can live with that."

"Meredith…are you admitting….you…you could be…"

"No...but, I've already told you…I may not be ready yet…but I eventually want a family Derek…I want that with you…"

"You pick the most inopportune moments to say certain things…" he teased her, "to say that as I'm driving seventy miles an hour."

"You shouldn't be going that fast, and it we have a child, Mark should be the godfather."

"I'll never understand either one of you, how this sudden ..."

"Friendship…it's called friendship…and I'm doing it for you…because you've missed him, and I want you to get back what you once had."

"Thank you," he said as he reached for her hand and kept it in his.

"If I have to put up with Lexie's ramblings about her brother in law," she laughed, "it's only fair you deal with Mark's wishes to be godfather."

"You didn't finish telling me what kept you up…what made you sad enough to cry."

"It wasn't anything bad, Derek, I was just thinking about everything that's happened with us, and especially the last day or so, and I realized…." she paused.

"Go on…we can talk about anything."

"I haven't been fair to you…there's a lot that I have to work on Derek, and I'm glad I've decided to go to therapy…because, I really do want for us to have a chance…the best chance for a healthy lasting relationship."

"We will have that, I know we will."

"I know that too…but Derek, while I lay there thinking back over everything that's happened, all we've said…I just have this feeling that we may have to work at this a lot…that it's not all going to be smooth sailing…and that makes me scared…and it made me cry."

They had exited the highway, and it gave him an opportunity to pull off the side of the road and bring the car to a stop.

"Come here" he said, while releasing the seatbelt and drawing her close for an embrace,

"all I can tell you is that I'm scared too, that I can't bear the thought of losing you again, but I can promise you, that whatever we have to deal with…we will, and I'm not ever going to give up on us…whatever I need to do, I will, to make sure you and I get through anything that comes our way."

"I promise you that too…no matter what happens, or how bad things get, Derek…I'm in this…I really am…and I don't want you to let me go…or give up…no matter how I may fight you…how much I may revert to my old avoidance patterns…please…remember this moment…remember that what I want is for you and I to be together."

"We will, we will be together…I promise you that," he assured, holding her for several minutes before they were on their way home once again. But, but her words had an ominous feeling he could not shake, and vowed to himself to remember this conversation wherever they encountered bumps on the road to their being together, to them sharing a lifetime.

_Ch- 60 A/N April 7, 2008_

_Thanks to everyone reading and especially each of you that leaves your very encouraging comments. __I could not resist the title of this chapter, as I had at least 4 comments saying...hope it's Derek's lips!_

_Where we are in this story, it's exactly where it all began, in my mind the sequence of events that will unfold are the original reason I began to write the story, in fact some of the first scenes I wrote you will be reading in a few days. I just did not realize it would take 60 chapters/updates to get here. But as it all unfolds, know that each chapter brings them closer to finding and rediscovering each other and is working through ways to a lifetime of happiness… to those 110 years he wants: the marriage, kids, house, all he described is what she wants as well, and this is part of the journey to get there. _


	62. Chapter 62

**Ch 61 - Not you too… **

The house was strangely quiet when Meredith and Derek walked in and headed for the kitchen, both craving the early morning caffeine fix.

"Let me make coffee, I know you have to get going pretty soon."

"I have time, don't really need to be at the hospital before nine," Derek told her while sitting on the stool at the kitchen island.

"Someone's still home, there's a fresh pot brewing," she said and went to stand in front of him, "I guess we have a little time…to play."

"Are you purposely trying to drive me crazy…" he teased her.

"Not purposely," she giggled. "I've missed us."

"Uhmm…"

"Derek…you know what that does to me…"

"Hoping you haven't forgotten," he said as he drew her close to embrace her and kissed the top of her head.

"I haven't forgotten anything about how you make me feel," she told him, as she lightly and teasingly nipped his bottom lip.

"How can you miss us," he murmured "we've been spending a lot of time together…the last few days, and this morning…"

"I miss how things were…at the beginning…no dark and twisty…you were here for a week, without even realizing it…waking up with you every morning."

"We'll get all of that back…it's coming back…"

"Yeah…it is…" she said, placing both hands on the sides of his face and leaning in to kiss him. "It's just beginning."

"What are you doing today?"

"First, I'm going to take a nice hot shower and get a couple hours sleep, and then go with Lexie and see the apartment ...and I was planning on going to your place…well…that is...I mean…if you don't mind…that I'm there early…cause I wanted to…"

"Hey," he silenced her with a kiss, "you have your key…you know that's not a problem…I like the idea of you at my place…but I had thought I'd pick you up on the way home…and you can stay the night."

"Well…I figured that I'd go early…and…well, I wanted to have dinner ready for you when you got there…"

"Meredith, you don't have to do that...I've already made plans…"

"Coward," she said and punched him playfully.

"WHAT!"

"I'm not doing the cooking, you jerk, I was just planning on picking something up."

Meredith, you have to admit…your cooking skills…aren't exactly…"

"I make up for that in lots of different ways…"

"You most certainly do…" he said as he brought his mouth to hers and captured her lips in a lingering kiss that left them both breathless.

"Remember that…" she whispered.

"How can I ever forget," he murmured against her lips as they found themselves lost in each other again, and oblivious to the distant sound of a cell phone ring.

"Molly, I'm not going to totally desert him, I have been keeping an eye on him," Lexie was saying as she walked in to the kitchen, "of course I'm not…oh... no…sorry."

Meredith and Derek pulled apart at the sound of an intruding voice.

"Sorry…I'll go, I didn't …realize…"

"Don't go, Derek has to leave soon anyway, he needs to be at the hospital by nine."

"Molly, I'll call you later…yes, after I see Dad…no, I won't forget…yes, I know…I'll call you, give Laura a kiss for me."

"Coffee Lex?" Meredith commented after she handed Derek a cup.

"Sorry guys, I didn't know you were here yet, in fact…I made coffee and was leaving it for you…figuring you'd be here soon… but I was getting ready to leave…"

"Lex, it's early…no rambling…coffee or not?"

"Yes, please."

Derek witnessed the exchange and smiled at the easy camaraderie that was developing between them, they were good for each other.

"Derek, what are you smiling at?"

"My future sister in law," he said chuckling.

"That would certainly imply you'll have a wife," Meredith challenged.

"Absolutely no doubt in my mind."

"You may want to ask her…you know…she may not want to be your wife."

"She thinks that now…" he teased, and wrapped his arms around her, laying his hand gently on her stomach imagining what it would be like if she did turn out to be pregnant.

Meredith giggled and whispered, "she actually has no doubts…that she wants to be your wife, she just needs a bit more time to be ready."

"As I said earlier…you have the absolute worst timing to say certain things."

"It's actually perfect timing…"

"You think"

"I know so…"

"And why is that," he said, both totally oblivious to the fact that Lexie had been in the kitchen with them or that she had discreetly exited after the perfect timing comment.

"Because," she said, as she turned around to face him and wrapped her arms around his waist drawing him close to her, "I don't want you to go off to work with any doubts in your mind…that you're mine."

"You are an evil woman…who's going to pay for all her teasing manners…"

"But you love me."

"I adore you."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…."

"I'm going to love payback…"

"Not as much as I am…" he teased.

They stood enjoying being in each other's arms, forgetting anything else but the simple moments of pleasure.

They heard an intruding voice, "Derek, I'm sorry…but…I think you may want to know it's past eight thirty."

"What, it can't be that late."

"I didn't want to disturb you…but…"

"No, it's ok, I do need to be at the hospital by nine."

"Lexie, where did you disappear to," she asked.

"I had some calls to make."

"You didn't have to leave on our account," Derek commented.

"Of course not, but I figured it was better to leave you two alone and let you keep trying to convince Mer to be your wife," she smiled at him.

"Hello, I'm still here."

"We know," they both said simultaneously, as she rolled her eyes and walked out of the kitchen.

"Derek, I'll be right back."

"Lexie," he said, "would you mind, keeping an eye on her today."

"Is something wrong…I mean, she seems ok…but…what to you think…" he interrupted her as he heard Meredith walking back.

"I'm not sure, but she had a dizzy spell this morning, and I'm worried about her."

"Where did you go?" he asked when she came in to the kitchen.

"Wanted to make sure I had my key."

"I have to go. I'll see you around six."

"Ok…have a good day," she told him and kissed him goodbye.

"Bye Xena."

"Bye Derek."

"Derek…thanks again, for the grilled cheese, it was a wonderful breakfast."

"Anytime," he said smiling at her from the door.

"Lexie, where's everyone?"

"Alex and Izzie had early shifts, and George told me he was going over to his Mom's and tell her about the new apartment and just spend some time with her…with the move he wont have another day off for a while."

"Are we still going to see your apartment?"

"Yes… that would be great, I wasn't sure if you were ...if you still wanted to go…"

"I want to get a few hours sleep, but thought we could go after that."

"That's perfect…I'm going to go and take care of some things ...and then I can stopb by for you and we can go."

"Lex, do you have a few minutes now…that we can talk?"

"Of course…"

"Come on, I'm tired, and want to put my feet up," she said leading the way to the couch.

"Mer, is everything ok?"

"Yes, I just want…want to talk to you…earlier…when you were on the phone, with Molly."

"She told me to say hello to you…"

"I haven't forgotten Lexie, the three of us will get together, let her know."

"She'll be happy Meredith…to have the chance to know you."

"Lexie, you mentioned…well, I couldn't help it.. not that I wanted to eavesdrop, but…when you were talking…you said something about my…about Thatcher…"

"I'm going to go over there today…and it will probably get ugly…but she doesn't see it… she's not here…"

"Would you like me to go with you?"

"Oh…oh…no, I don't…I can't…can't put you in that…situation."

"You're not, Lexie, I'm offering to go with you."

"No, you…no, you don't understand… Meredith, he gets…no, I don't want you to go."

"And what if I insist."

"No, he gets nasty, Meredith…so nasty, and you don't have to… you shouldn't have to…" she said while tears pooled in her eyes threatening to spill.

Meredith reached out for her hand. "You don't have to do this alone…not anymore."

"Oh…Meredith," she said while giving up any attempt to hide her tears, and looked at her sister and found she too had tears in her eyes, "it's so nasty, when he's drunk, I just…just don't want you to see it…and you've been through enough lately, I rather you don't go."

"Are you ever going to let me be the older sister…" she questioned, and at that moment both understood the bond that had so recently formed would last forever.

"Yes," she smiled, they both did through their tears, "but, you have to promise me, if he gets really nasty, you'll just go and wait outside in the car for me."

"We'll see."

"I'm not going with you otherwise."

"Fine. Now, tell me about this apartment," she said and listened to Lexie's details.

"It's really not the greatest Mer, so don't expect too much."

"Lex, are you happy with it? Because, it doesn't sound like it."

"It's ok…not great…but, it's ok."

"Then why don't you wait till you find something that you really like."

"Well, the price range is sort of an issue and we kind have to stick to George's budget."

"But, you have to live there too."

"It will be fine, really. It's fine."

"Oh no."

"What?"

"Please…of all the traits we share…don't pick up on the fine," Meredith told her and they both laughed.

"I'll be sure to remember that."

"Lexie, why do you have to be on such a tight budget…I mean, you told me, Thatcher wrote you a check for 20,000 dollars…can't you use that?"

"You remember that…Meredith…I'm sorry, for that day…I'm so sorry…for all I said.."

"Hey, it's over…I understand…I do."

"I didn't realize…really…I'm sorry."

"Lexie, it's over. Now, if you have that money, why don't you use it to help you with that?"

"It's not my money Mer, I couldn't take that from him, while he was drunk…and that money, really belongs to his daughters, not just me."

"Listen, I don't need or want that…so I'd rather you use it…"

"Meredith, it wasn't Mom's money…she left us, both Molly and I a small amount, but this is Dad's and he has three daughters."

"Look, I don't want it…I'm fine, I have this house, but you and Molly and Laura, that's yours."

"We're not going to argue about this…not now…ok."

"We'll talk about it again. Now, I'm tired and want to take a shower and get a few hours sleep, are you going to stick around or have things to do?"

"No, I'll stick around, since we'll go to Dad's and the apartment together."

"Ok then, " she said and started to get up from the couch when an all too familiar sensation of dizziness forced her to sit back down and laid her head back.

"Meredith, are you all right?"

"Yes, I'm fine…most have gotten up too fast, " she said as both sisters remained sitting next to each other for several minutes of silence.

"Mer, can I ask you something….but… I don't… want you to get upset…"

"That's really not the best way to approach something…warning me I'm going to be upset in advance…."

"I hope you won't be… but I've been thinking about it…and I think… I should… maybe just bring it up…"

"Lexie…"

"The other night…I was concerned about you…you didn't look well, and right now…this dizzy spell and you're really pale…well, maybe…maybe you should have…"

"What? I'm fine…I've just been exhausted and tired…and that's probably all it is."

"Meredith, could…could you be pregnant?"

"What? ...Are you serious? Not you too…"

"Me too…so I'm not the only one that's noticed…"

"Lexie! Are you trying to give me a heart attack …I'm not pregnant…bite your tongue… why would you even think such a thing?"

"You said I'm not the only one who's thought about it…"

"Well, I'm not… and I can't imagine why you think that."

"It's not such a long shot… you and Derek…look you know what… I'm sorry, it's none of my business.''

"No, Lexie, it's ok… I don't mind that you ask… really, it's just funny, because that's almost impossible…"

"What you and Derek have been celibate and you can't be pregnant," she smiled.

"You know we have not…but we're incredibly careful, and I had my period last month and about to get it again…the cramping and all, it's just PMS."

"Just do me a favor…if you still aren't feeling well…and the cramping and dizziness continues… will you check it out?"

"Have you and Derek been talking, did he put you up to this?"

"No…and oh… he also thinks you're pregnant….oh Mer…he would know…maybe …you…well…you'd know best," she smiled and Meredith could see the excitement in her voice.

Meredith laughed, "it's absolutely unbelievable."

"What?"

"You and Derek…thinking that I'm pregnant…and the more I rationalize the possibility…the more the two of you are determined to humor my presumed denial."

"So…you admit, you're in denial…about the possibility that is… "

"Lex," she laughed, "you want to be an aunt again, anytime soon…you're going to have to talk to Molly…"

"Just…ok…if you're sure…but it couldn't hurt if you…"

"I promise…" she teased, "if your brother in law and I know you're going to be an aunt, you'll be the first one we tell."

"When…Mer…not if…I'm sure of it."

"Lexie, you did talk to Derek, didn't you…he said something."

"No, he didn't…really, Meredith…he…"

"You are such a bad liar…I can't believe him…"

"Mer, really he didn't say anything about you being pregnant…maybe being pregnant…"

"Then what did he say?" she insisted.

"He only said to keep an eye on you….that you had a dizzy spell and he was worried about you."

"I should have known… and from that you came up with your own conclusions."

"No…I'd come up with them before…"

"What? Why?"

"You've got lots of symptoms…"

"I do not."

"Did you say something about denial?"

"Fine, like what?"

"Bitchy…"

"I have not been…"

"Mer, I'm teasing you…well, not since you were really mean to me…but not lately."

"Lexie...it's not funny."

"I'm sorry…but cramping, dizziness…feeling faint…it's not good."

"Lexie, I had my period last month, and I'm just about to get it…probably by tomorrow…and these things can also happen when you're under a lot of stress, and I've been under a lot of stress lately."

"You're right, and it was similar to your panic attacks, so it could be just that…but…Mer, if you're still dizzy and faint …you have to check it out."

"Yes, if it still continues, I'll check it out, and I already promised Derek I would."

"You did…so you think… "

"I'm certain I'm not…but, well, I promised him, I'd take care of myself."

"Does…does anyone else know…"

"No, just the two of you…which it figures ...since you're the only two hung up on being in-laws."

"We just care about you."

"Yes, I know. I'm beginning to really understand that."

"Good."

"Come on, let's have breakfast, I'm starving… but, you can cook this time."

"Didn't you already eat breakfast…" Lexie questioned and raised her eyebrow, "you did say he brought you a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Lexie, stop thinking right now, and let's get some breakfast."

They spent the early afternoon hours together, looked at the apartment, had lunch and fortunately when they went to Thatcher's house he wasn't there, thus avoiding what would have surely been another emotional blow to Meredith's current vulnerability.


	63. Chapter 63

_We're heading for something, Somewhere I've never been  
Sometimes I am frightened, But I'm ready to learn  
Of the power of love_

**Ch – 62 Bonds of love **

Meredith spent several hours with Lexie before she took the two o'clock ferry to Bainbridge Island, still giving her enough time to get dinner before Derek met up with her. He wanted to show her the site during daylight hours, which meant he was leaving the hospital very early that afternoon.

She hadn't counted on being totally exhausted by the time she got to the trailer, and did little else but put the food away, then went to lay down for a short nap, and before she knew it, soft lips brushed hers.

"Hey," he whispered as her eyes opened, a bit disoriented, and he sat next to her on the bed.

"I fell asleep… I was so tired."

"It looks that way, and I really didn't want to wake you, but we don't have a lot of time before the sun sets."

"I could get use to this…you kissing me awake…all the time," she said as she sat up and brushed her lips over his.

"As much as I'd like to stay here and kiss you…and …show you how much I love you…we have to go."

"You're not going to make me walk in the wilderness…and then walk back in the pitch black night, are you?"

"You of little faith…."

"What does faith have to do with mud and bugs and critters…and pitch black terrain…"

"Ask me later," he said as he kissed her one more time, "get up…let's go."

"I have food for us…I thought… well, maybe we'd eat outdoors…under the moonlight…"

"Uhmmm…she does have romance in her…"

"Not if you're going to make fun of me," she teased.

"All our evening plans are taken care of," he told her smugly.

"You're not going to make me walk all the way, are you Derek?"

"No, I never knew you were this lazy," he teased here, "we'll get as close as we can, you need to put some boots on."

"Boots…Derek I don't have boots to wander around the wild…"

"Of course you do, I got them for you…"

"You did…"

"I did…the minute you agreed to come with me."

"Oh…" she whispered coming up to him…and kissing him lightly, "thank you."

"You're welcome," he kissed her back.

"We need to take food with us…it's all packed and ready to go," she told him.

"What…uhm…what do we have…"

"Stop whining, I know you'll like it…where are the boots?"

While she put the boots on, he got everything out of the refrigerator and placed in the large cooler she had seen earlier, and told her he'd be right back.

"Ready?" he asked when he came back inside the trailer.

"Ready," she said extending her hand to his, and walking out to his car.

Derek had forty acres of land, and as he drove them to the location he'd chosen to build heir house, she could feel his excitement build right before he stopped on the muddy trail surrounded by sky high trees and endless foliage with a small clearing obviously leading to some predetermined destination.

"Wait for me here…I'll be right back."

"Why can't I come with you?"

"You will…just give me a few minutes," he said and took the cooler with him, returning several minutes later, and opening the door stood in front of her, plainly nervous.

"Derek," she said softly and raised her hand to caress the day's growth dark stubble, "why are you nervous?"

"I'm not."

"Yes, you are…" she said leaning in to kiss him, "does that mean I should be nervous too?"

"I…just hope you like it," he said, admitting his nervousness in those few words.

"I'm sure I will…" she said, and let him take her hand and lead the way.

The last rays of sun had already begun to disappear as they walked in the direction of the site he had chosen for their home. He walked briskly, too excited to diminish his pace, when he felt an involuntary quiet gasp and felt the slight resistance in her grasp.

"Meredith," he stopped, "what's wrong….Meredith, talk to me you've gone pale…you're white as a sheet…" he said and held her close.

"I…I don't know…just it's odd…very bad cramping…Derek," she said while squeezing his hand, "I don't know what's wrong…I've never had this before…and just now…very bad…and… "

"Take a deep breath…I'm here…you're ok."

She was thankful he was holding her close, and dared not admit to him that the all too familiar dizziness she'd been experiencing during the last twenty four hours had come back with a vengeance, as everything spun around her.

"Just hold me…ok…just for a moment…it's going away."

"I'm not going anywhere," he told her, drawing her closer and gently massaging her back.

"I'm ok…it's better now…I'm sorry…"

"Hey, there's nothing to be sorry about," he told her and without warning, lifted her up in his arms."

"Derek, put me down," she said, due much more to the additional sensation of dizziness, then wanting to be put down.

"Let me be your knight…"

"You already are…" she whispered, closing her eyes and letting him carry her.

He continued to walk towards the perfect spot he'd prepared for their evening, but the excitement he'd felt was clouded by concern, even more so having heard her admit that something may be wrong.

"Here we are," he said, "will you be ok if I put you down."

"Derek, of course I will, that was just a fluke…I told you, it's just odd for me, so it surprised me."

He was not going to argue with her now, but they had to talk about what her symptoms were, because if she was not pregnant, something was definitely not right.

He put her down and turned her around slowly. "What do you think?"

She reached out for his hand, unable to say anything after taking in her surroundings.

"Meredith…say something… please…"

She turned to him, snuggled into him and started to cry.

"You don't like it…you hate it."

Burying her face in his chest, she whimpered, "you…you did this…for me?"

He wasn't quite sure what she meant at first, but quickly realized she was talking about the set up he'd prepared.

"Meredith," he asked her gently, "you need to help me here…are you crying because you hate the view…or because you like the romantic atmosphere I've tried to create, or something I've completely missed."

"I….I don't…don't hate the view," she said, looking up at him, "but, you did this…all this…for me."

"Of course it's for you…I wanted tonight to be special."

"Oh, Derek…it's so special…you…you…it's all your fault I'm crying."

"Ok… but can you tell me why you're crying….please."

"It's beautiful…Derek, the view it's….it's just spectacular and beautiful."

"So…why are you crying?"

"Because…you made this so ….you did this for me…and nobody has ever done special things like this for me," she told him, breaking his heart at the same time.

"I want to spend the rest of my life doing things like this for you," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion, "all you need to do is let me."

"I'm not going to fight you…not anymore…I'm going to let you…because…this feeling, Derek, this feeling…only you can make me feel this way…only you make me feel like… that I'm…that I'm not ordinary…and I don't ever want it to stop."

"Oh, Meredith," he said with tears in his eyes, "you are extraordinarily special, and only you make me feel like my world is perfect…perfect only when you're in it."

Their gazes locked, reflecting a timeless love and passion and instinctively their lips found each other, and both could taste the salty tears mingled in their kiss.

The kiss that sealed the bonds of their love for a lifetime. Bonds that unbeknownst to them would be put to the harshest of tests in the days ahead. But, ultimately the power of love, their love for each other, would dictate the survival of their relationship forever.

Long after their kiss ended, they held on to each other and he turned her around to face the sunset, wrapping his arms around her and gently laying his hands on her stomach, as he felt her hands rest over his.

This moment, bittersweet at times, they would never forget as the vibrant orange, yellow, purple, red and indigo hues of the sun setting on the western sky cast the last moments of light upon two lovers destined to share a lifetime.

"Derek," she whispered, "thank you for not giving up on us …for this beautiful moment."

"Please don't ever thank me for following my heart…giving up wasn't an option…I love you, Meredith…always…I love you…" he whispered against her hair, "I love you," and though barely audible, she could have sworn she heard him say, "both," as he gently caressed her abdomen bringing his hand to rest above hers.

Minutes passed in silence each reveling at the fortune of being in each other's arms.

"Derek, how did you this, how did you manage?"

"The sunset…" he teased, "I had nothing to do with that, or the view."

She smiled and turned around to face him, "how did you set all of this up, when?"

He reached for her hand and brought her close to the edge of the cliff, "do you really like this, the view?"

"It's spectacular…but you'd never brought me here before."

"I came upon it not long ago, and then I always wanted to surprise you…with the house plans and the location."

"Derek, I didn't… it wasn't my intention to ruin that for you."

"Hey," he told her lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "we're together, all of those things we went through…they just brought us closer together."

"I have the house plans…and…maybe we can really go over them…soon."

"No more dropping eggs…" he laughed, "at the thought of the house being yours too?"

She punched his arm playfully, "didn't you just say all that brought us closer together."

"So I did…"

"Derek, I want to know how you set all this up? When did you have time?"

"When I told you I had to come home last night…I wanted to get everything together and put it in the car, and then I stopped by here on my way to the trailer before I came to get you, and I'd already left the cooler ready with everything I wanted."

"It's perfect…the chairs and the table and the hurricane lamp…" she murmured, "it's so romantic."

"I recall you've mentioned once or twice wanting to have some romance, and I haven't done a very good job at doing that."

"This…makes up for all of it," she told him as she pulled on his hand and walked to the chairs sitting side by side with the table between and facing the dying hues of the setting sun as it disappeared in the horizon and dusk officially set in.

"I wanted candles, but not very practical, so I settled for the hurricane lamp."

"I would not change a thing…but, why were you nervous, before we got out of the car, you were nervous."

"I wanted you to like it…especially after…well, the issue with the house…"

"Well, I guess it's possible I may have reacted just a little too strongly."

"I love you, Meredith," he said leaning in to kiss her softly.

"You," she laughed, "are a fraud…and you're not going to be able to use that line every time you want to avoid getting in hot water."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he told her without giving in to the desire to laugh at her, and took out a bottle of wine and began to uncork it.

"I feel too happy right now to argue with you… but you know…you're dying to agree with me…and point out that I was, as you say, a bit irrational," she laughed.

"What did you bring us for dinner?"

"You are perfectly safe…I bought all organic healthy stuff."

"You did what? No pizza?"

"I eat other things other than pizza Derek."

"Uhmmmm."

"You don't believe me…"

"I've seen you eat."

"I went to Real Foods Market…"

"You're kidding, you actually bought healthy food."

"I was sort of I the mood…and I know you like it….so…as long as I get dessert, it's ok, I wanted to please you tonight."

"Uhmmm…I can think of many ways you can please me…"

"So can I…but we're not doing that…"

"Even my romantic overtures…get me nothing…"

"I don't know about nothing…but…"

"Meredith, we're here together, that's enough…I said I'd wait…it's ok."

"Even if I wanted to Derek…tonight…today…the cramping…all of it…not a very good day…"

"I know," he said and kissed her with exquisite tenderness.

It was quiet early for dinner, as the sun set right after five o'clock at this time of year, and he sat down in one of the wood chairs he'd brought from the trailer and pulled her down to sit on his lap, holding her close in his embrace.

She snuggled closer to him resting her head on his chest. "I had lunch with Lexie, and went to see her apartment."

"Did you like it?"

"No, but I didn't say anything, and I don't know why they couldn't get a nicer place."

"I guess I have Xena2 on my hands…the big sister watching out…"

"Oh, don't be stupid…I just worry about her making the right decision, Derek the apartment is awful."

"It's her decision," he said as he continued to caress the hand he held in his.

"I know. We also went to my…to Thatcher's to get some things…and she wanted to make sure he was ok…she'd promised Molly, so I went with her…you know so she wouldn't be alone…"

"Ramblers…brilliant and excellent doctors…Xena 1 & 2," he laughed.

"You think she's a brilliant doctor?"

"No, I think you're a brilliant doctor…she's going to be excellent."

"It's nice Derek, having her…having her in my life now."

She felt the vibration of his phone and asked him, "aren't you going to get that?"

"I'm sure it can wait….this is our evening."

"Derek, it could be an emergency.

"They'll call back."

Sure enough, a couple of minutes later the phone was emitting vibrating signals.

"Derek, get the phone, at least look at it."

"It's not important, I can call back, it's my sister."

"Derek, answer it," she ordered him.

"Bossy, aren't you."

"Do it."

"Hello Jenna…no, I am not avoiding you."

Meredith rolled her eyes at his comment, and laid her head back on his shoulder as she listened to the one sided conversation.

"I told you, I'll do my best…hey, how are you feeling? Morning sickness gone?"

"Good, he should be helping with the kids… he is half responsible for them."

"Jenna, I told you, I'll know next week…right now, well I can't give you an answer…well, because I can't…Meredith and I may …well we may be tied up at that time," he said and involuntarily brought his hand to her abdomen and caressed her. We'll know for sure next week."

Meredith lifted her head and looked at him incredulously. He really had not given up on he idea that she was pregnant.

"Jenna, come on, don't do that… please… you know I can't stand your tears… since you were old enough to turn that faucet on me…I can't say no… but look this is important, I promise you…I'll let you now next week, and if we can make it…"

Meredith in a move that shocked all three of them, took the phone away from Derek.

"Jenna, hi, this is Meredith."

"Meredith, really? I can't believe you took the phone way from him and I'm talking to you."

"Neither can he…and I … I expect all three of us are wearing the same expression of shock… even if clear across the country," she giggled.

"It's nice to talk to you, finally, after all this time."

"Well…it's not… I really wouldn't … you know.. never take the phone away from him….but…well, in this case, I though it was important that he make a decision."

"You don't mind, that he comes?"

"Of course not, I though he'd already purchased his tickets when he told me you were pregnant. By the way, congratulations."

"Thank you. It was a bit of a surprise, but we're thrilled."

"So is he, very excited in fact, and Jenna, he'll be there, he'll be there for your baby's baptism…and…well, if you don't mind…if it's ok…I'll be traveling with him," she reached out for his hand hesitantly, but he didn't, and placed her hand in his.

"Oh my God, Meredith, seriously? You're both going to make it?"

"Yes, if that's ok, I'll be coming with him."

"Of course it's ok, we're all dying to meet you, well except Nancy, but she's, well, you've already met her, and we're not like her. Truly Meredith we all want to meet you."

"I'd like to meet all of you too."

"Everyone is going to be delighted."

"It was nice talking to you Jenna...hope you're feeling better, the morning sickness that is…hope you're feeling better soon."

"Thanks Meredith…it was really nice to talk to you."

"Let me put your brother on the phone, I think he's recuperated from his shock."

"Derek…she's wonderful…and just like you said she rambles…I cannot wait to meet her."

"I can't wait for you to meet her either, but, Jenna, could you wait… not say anything about our trip yet?"

"Derek, you can't back out now."

"I won't, we just need to work out a few details."

"I won't say anything yet. I love you Derek."

"I love you too Jenna….take care of that baby."

After the call ended, she looked at him without tearing her gaze from his.

"Derek…what was that about? Why did you have to wait? I didn't mean to take the phone away it just happened."

"I'm glad you talked to Jenna, she's my favorite sister you know."

"I do know, she was very nice, it will be nice to meet her."

"She won't be able to keep her mouth shut," he smiled.

"Why should she? Derek, what are you thinking," she insisted.

"Meredith, I know…you don't want to hear this…but I still think… you could be pregnant, and if that's the case…it would be kind of hard for us to fly to the East coast, you'll have just had a baby…" he finished softly.

"Derek…I told you, I was sure I wasn't pregnant," she offered gently, and placed a light kiss on his lips.

"But Meredith, the symptoms…"

"I know…but maybe it's something else…I started my period earlier today."

"Oh…" he said trying to hide his disappointment.

"Please don't be disappointed in me."

"Meredith I'm not."

"You look sad Derek, and I've done that…put that look in your face."

"Don't think that…it's just I really though…"

"I know…it…it really would have been a surprise Derek…truly unexpected…and well, it will happen later…when we're ready…"

"Would it have been terrible… if you were?"

"No…not terrible… difficult…and scary…I've never done this before."

"Neither have I…"

"Not terrible…and when it happens Derek, you have to promise me you will help me, because I'll probably be a terrible mother…it's probably in the genes…Derek, you'll have to help me."

"First of all, it's not in the genes…and I think you will make a wonderful mother, and of course I will help you… we'll need to help each other."

"I can do that."

"We can."

They made no attempts to move as she buried herself in his embrace.

"Oh my God," she said suddenly, pulling away and staring at him.

"What? Meredith, what's wrong?"

"Derek, how could you…" she accused.

"How could I what? Meredith?"

"Derek, how could you possibly think you can build here?"

"You just told me you thought this was spectacular."

"Of course it is, but are you crazy? Derek, haven't you been telling me you want kids…I mean... I thought that's what we were just talking about…but Derek…we can't…"

"Meredith… what are you talking about? We were talking about kids, and what do you mean we can't," he asked absolutely amazed by the turn of the conversation.

"Derek, we can't build a house here… are you crazy… I'm not going to let you build a house here… it's a cliff Derek… a damn cliff…!!"

"Yes… it's a cliff… with the best view of Seattle from anywhere on this island."

"Derek, you can't mean this…we can't build here," she said getting misty eyed.

"Meredith…I don't know what's going through your head…so maybe you can share that with me."

"Our babies Derek," she sniffled, "how could you put our babies in danger with this cliff…we can't live here… I'd be a nervous wreck all the time… you can't … you can't expect me to be ok while our kids could be in danger of …oh my God, the thought of it Derek… our kids can't be anywhere near this cliff."

He tried, to no avail, to conceal his laughter.

"You, are going to be an exceptional and wonderful mother," he said as he lowered his mouth to hers and captured her lips, teasing, gently and tenderly at first and then lost themselves in timeless promises of loved filled passion.


	64. Chapter 64

**Ch – 63 Magical Night **

The sun had set over the horizon making way for the lingering colors of dusk to illuminate the nighttime sky. Deep orange blended with the ever present clouds cushioning themselves between the intensity of indigo blue as it bled to the blackness of the night, a shiny sliver of moon creating the perfect picture on a night filled with renewed hope and love.

"What are you thinking?"

"How do you know I'm thinking…" she said holding him closer, her head comfortably nestled against his chest, enjoying the slow rhythmic strokes of his hand on her back.

"Uhmmmm…I've told you…I can feel your every emotion…when you're in my arms…"

"I beginning to think you can…"

"So?"

"Right now, I'm just enjoying being in your arms…and look Derek…look at those colors…a portrait of dusk just for us…can you feel it …the magic of this night…"

He heard the longing in her voice, the wonderment, and emotions of guilt swept over him, realizing he'd never done anything to allow her to express those emotions in the past…those thoughts of romance he knew she was afraid to feel.

"I do…" he said with a catch in his voice, "I can feel it…"

She turned to face him, "Derek, I can feel your emotions too… what's wrong?"

He swallowed hard, and blue met the grey green gaze.

"I have so much," he paused, "so much to make up to you."

"Derek," she whispered as she brought both hands to cup his face, "let's not go back…not with sadness…we'll learn from it…but move forward…ok?"

"What did I do to deserve you?"

"Fate…I think…fate took care of that for us…" she said with tears glistening in her eyes.

"I want….Meredith, I want to give you so much….make up for so much…I took for granted."

"I told you…I'm going to let you…you'll have your chance, Derek, we both will, because, there's things…many things I regret too…"

"You don't….don't have…"

"We're going to do this together…ok?"

"Ok."

"Derek," she said, looking deep into his eyes, his gaze never faltering and allowing her to look deep into his soul, "do you have any idea…how…how…overwhelming my feelings are for you?"

"I can only hope…in my heart…in my soul…I can only hope...that what I think you feel…is what's in my heart and soul."

"You don't have to hope…just feel them…and know…I'm yours…for a lifetime Derek,

if you want me…I'm yours for a lifetime."

"If I want you," he murmured, his voice overcome with emotion, "if I want you…" he said as she kissed the tears on his face, "you…you still doubt that I love you…that I can't live without you."

"No, not after tonight. There's no more doubts, just as I know my life is only truly complete with you."

"Meredith," he choked and captured her lips with his, both lost in the intensity and raw vulnerability of the magic of the night.

They held on to each other as dusk turned into night. "Derek, aren't you hungry?"

"Starving," he told her looking deep into her eyes with the look of lust and longing elicited only by her.

"That's not the kind of hunger we're feeding tonight."

"Uhmmm…bossy tone is back."

"I'm ignoring you…but I'm hungry."

"Let's see what you've got for us," he said as he lifted her from his lap, and left her sitting on the chair while he got up to set up their dinner.

"It's all things you like, and I can help you know, it's not like I'm offering to cook."

"Relax, let me take care of you."

"Ok."

"What no argument?"

"I got the food…I agree, you can set the rest up," she smiled, without revealing how truly exhausted she felt.

"Truly lazy, I can't believe I had not picked up on that trait before."

"What did you get for dessert, you told me you took care of that."

"I did."

"What is it.?"

"You'll like it, just wait till after dinner."

"I hate surprises Derek."

"No you don't, what did you think of tonight?"

"Tonight," she whispered, "has been…beyond perfect."

He stopped what he was doing and came to her, leaning down to softly kiss her lips, and murmured against them, "perfect, absolutely perfect."

She held his hand before he walked away, "thank you."

"I'm hoping you'll change your mind about surprises," he teased, and kissed her lips once more.

"Derek, did …you weren't mad…were you, I mean…that I took the phone from you…and spoke to your sister?"

"No, and she loved it, maybe she'll get off my case for a while."

"Why did you tell her not to say anything? Will you change your mind, I mean…about me coming with you…is that why you want her to wait."

"No, I will not change my mind…I told you days ago, I wanted you to come with me."

"Then, why…"

"Meredith, something's going on with you…I want to find out what it is."

She got up, slowly to avoid any possible repeat of her dizziness, and went to his side, and put her arms around him. "Derek, I'm sure I'm fine, just this is one time that's been odd, I mean it could just be hormones…and they do all sorts of things to mess up your body…and it's probably just that."

"I know…but, your dizziness…exhaustion…I'm worried…and I just want to make sure you're ok."

"If it continues…I'll get it checked out, ok?"

He noticed a hint of hesitation, perhaps even fear in her voice. "Hey, look at me, I'm sure it's nothing serious too, I just want you healthy."

"I know…"

"But?"

"I'm worried too…this…it's…it's not normal."

"You know what," he said kissing her softly and then embracing her, "I'm sure it's just that you've had a very rough year…immune system is affected by stress, and I've been thinking, your symptoms of exhaustion and dizziness are probably a mild case of anemia."

"I didn't think of that."

"Well, you know… two doctors…oblivious to such a simple and obvious diagnosis…we'll draw some blood, and figure it out."

"You know I hate needles…you'll do it? If I'm not better in the next few days, you'll do it?"

"Yes, I'll do it."

"Let me help you…"

"Sit down…I'm almost done."

"Derek, I've been thinking…"

"What?"

"You won't laugh at me?"

He laughed, "oh, you're setting yourself up."

"It's a very important question."

"Ok."

"Are there bears here…on this land…?"

He dropped the container, "you're worried about bears?"

"Yes. I mean…look at this Derek, it's like being in the wild…with not a single soul around…and well, I think there can be bears…I've heard…."

"What have you heard?"

"I saw it…on the news… that they sighted a black bear."

"You're afraid of bears?"

"Of course, I'm afraid of bears…Derek, they are …they're bears!!"

"I don't think we have to worry about it."

"You haven't answered my question, so tell me what you know."

"I saw that news clip too."

"Oh my God, you're building a house on a cliff surrounded by bears."

He laughed, a hearty sound he could not contain.

"I told you not to laugh at me," she smiled and smacked his arm.

"Meredith, did you buy out Real Foods?"

"I got everything I know you like."

"We could feed several people with all this."

"Just make sure we don't feed any bears," she joked and got up to hug him.

"I love you Meredith."

She answered with a kiss.

He'd used the table and cooler top to lay out the containers, as they served themselves and each sat to enjoy their dinner.

He'd poured them each a glass of red wine, and looked at her, thinking he'd never loved her as much as he did at that moment, but then, she looked at him and smiled and he knew their world at that moment was perfect.

He raised his glass, "to us."

"To our lifetime…" she responded, and reaching out for his hand brought it to her lips.

They had finished dinner and started to put everything away, when he felt the vibration of his phone and looked at the caller's number.

"Oh, no, I knew she couldn't keep it quiet."

"What?"

"It's my mother."

"Derek, answer it."

"No. Unless you want to talk to her too," he smiled.

"You are being a child, Derek, answer the phone. It's your mother."

"You've never told me to answer the phone before, when she calls."

This is different, answer it."

"Mom."

"Derek Shepherd, you are in so much trouble."

"What did I do? I haven't talked to you in …"

"That's the whole point, you ungrateful son, you haven't spoken to me.  
But, I hear you have spoken to Jenna, and you even let Meredith speak with her."

"Well, Mom… it wasn't so much that I let Meredith speak to her." He felt her swat,

"she took the phone away from me."

"Really…she took the phone way from you, I can only wonder why…you made Jenna cry, Derek, and she's pregnant."

"Mom, you're not going to lay a guilt trip on me over Jenna crying, she's been doing that for years, pregnant or not, to get what she wants from me."

"Well, I'm not Jenna, and I'm not crying, I want you to tell me why in the world you have not told her you're coming home for the baptism."

"Mom, that's months away, I told her, I'd let her know next week."

"Oh. She did not tell me that."

"You really have to talk to your daughters, you know they don't always give you the full story," he joked.

"Don't go there Derek Shepherd, you'll lose on that score."

"Uhm…yes, well. Mom, how are you?"

She laughed, "I'm fine Derek. How are you, and why aren't you calling more often?"

"Just busy Mom, but you know I miss you."

"I miss you too, and I expect I'm going to see you soon, Derek, I want to see you before the baptism, I'm getting old Derek."

"Don't use that line on me. You're not old."

"I am…and that gives me certain prerogatives."

He could hear in her voice, the determination of having made up her mind.

"I'm coming to see you Derek."

"You're what?"

"Does that mean I'm not welcome?"

"No, just you haven't said anything…I've been here almost two years…and well…"

"Long enough…I'm coming to see you…you're time's up Derek, this summer, either you come home, or I'm coming to see you."

"Mom…I'm really busy, I'm not sure."

"You can certainly afford to fly home, even if it's for a weekend, so no more excuses. You come home by summer, or I'm coming to see you."

"I'll let you know… I'll let you know…"

"See that you do.. and Derek, I want to meet Meredith."

"You do?"

"Yes, it's time."

"Yes, Mom, it is time you meet Meredith," he said getting up and standing in front of her.

Meredith stared at him and mouthed, "no."

"She's going to love meeting you and you're going to love her," he said smiling and reaching for her hand pulled her from her seat and brought her down to sit on his lap.

"Are you with her now, I mean she was with you earlier."

"Yes, Mom, Meredith is with me now, actually she's in the kitchen," he smiled, knowing she could hear his mother's conversation when she buried her face in his neck and giggled.

"Well, you tell her I'm looking forward to meeting her, and that I don't bite, and that she doesn't have to worry about Nancy, I will keep that girl in line."

"I'll tell her Mom, I know she'll appreciate that."

"I love you son."

"I love you Mom."

"What the hell did you just do?"

"I told my mom it was time you met."

"I could hear that Derek, but… I can't… Derek, I'm not good with Mom's."

"Meredith, you agreed to fly home with me for Jenna's baby…"

"I know… I just didn't think… you know, the mom…thing…"

"I had to tell her yes, she threatened to visit."

"Here, to Seattle…Derek, what if she does…what do we do?"

"We take her out to dinner, spend time with her."

"That's not what I mean."

"Relax, I held her off a bit…it will be fine."

"You know what…it will… I can't be like this…and hell, there's therapy, so that will help…right, Derek? That will help me deal with all these things…before I meet your mom."

"Yes, that will help, and I will help…" he said and kissed her softly drawing her close.

"Speaking of which, when is your appointment? I want to make sure I'm free."

"I told you…you don't have to come with me… the first appointment."

"I know I don't, I just want to be available, in case you change your mind, I want to be there for you."

"You'd want to come?"

"Yes…in case you need me."

"I always need you."

"As I do."

They finished cleaning up around them. "Derek, we can't leave any crumbs around."

"No, wouldn't want to attract any bears," he joked and both laughed, ending up in each other's arms.

He sat down and brought her down to sit on his lap.

"Derek, tonight," she said as he heard the emotion in her voice, "tonight, was so special, I'll never forget this… the first time we came to see this site."

"Neither will I… tonight was magic ...not because of the beauty of this place, but because of you…you brought magic to our life tonight."

Before he knew it, she wrapped herself around him and cried, and he held her, letting her emotions touch his soul.

"Derek..."

"Uhmmm…"

"I want dessert."

"I was wondering how long that was going to take."

"What did you get?"

"You'll like it... trust me."

He opened the cooler and brought two containers. One coffee, the other chocolate.

"Derek…you went to Mora's."

"I thought that might be your reaction…though I'm feeling a bit jealous you're more enthused about the ice cream… then feeding other appetites…"

"You'll be well rewarded…for your patience…trust me…"

The both laughed, and he smiled looking at her savoring the ice cream.

"Oh…Derek… these are new flavors," she said looking at the labels, "this chocolate is wonderful… "

"Let me taste…"

"You want chocolate?"

"From the look of your face, I've got to find out what I'm missing…"

"Italian chocolate …with cognac and walnuts," she said feeding him a spoonful.

"Very good…"

"Swiss with chocolate liqueur and dulce de leche…" she fed him, purposely leaving a trail of ice cream on his lips, and leaned in lick it off and kiss him.

"Uhmmm….my new favorite flavor…"

They sat without regard for time, content to be holding each other, but as the evening wore on, they made allowances for the dipping temperatures and wrapped themselves around the blanket he'd brought with him.

"Hey, it's getting late, we should go."

"I hate for tonight to end…" she whispered sleepily.

"It's only the begging Meredith… the beginning of many nights like this."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"You didn't answer me."

"About what?"

"The bears."

"I know as much as you do," he admitted, "but Meredith I think it was a fluke, they swam over the sound, and when they saw people were scared away and were seen going back to the water."

"Did…did you just say, they… as in more than one?"

"Yes, but, they didn't stay, they're frightened of people."

"Derek, I really love this site, and it can be our special… magical place…"

"I hear a but…"

"You do… because, we can't live here, it's not safe… Derek… a cliff and bears…it's not safe…not for my babies," she smiled and kissed him lightly, "our babies Derek…all three of them…have to be safe."

"Three…huh…look at that…how far we've come tonight…."

"Oh… it's not tonight, I told you Derek…my dream…in my dream…our family...it's three kids…are you up to it?"

"That's a rather unfair way to phrase things right now, don't you think?"

"Gutter brain Derek…I really need to limit the time you spend with Mark, " she teased.

"Your new best friend."

"My new best friend."

"Meredith…I'm up to the challenge…to make that dream come true."

"I'm counting on it."

"Ready to go home? "

"Let's go."

"Stay here for a few minutes, while I carry things to the car."

"You're going to leave me here alone…Derek, in the dark… with bears roaming around?"

"I can always come back and get everything tomorrow."

"That's a very good idea…let's just take the cooler, so they can't find any food."

He laughed, and reaching for her hand walked with her to the car, a flashlight on the other hand.

"I'm going to get the cooler, think you'll be ok."

"I can manage… in the car with the doors locked."

"I love you."

"Derek," she said softly, "thank you for tonight…our magical night."


	65. Chapter 65

**Ch 64 – Morning after **

They had returned to the trailer and she'd gone to shower while he put everything away.

He'd done the same, finding her already asleep when he joined her in bed, he'd reached for her, spooning her closely as she instinctively settled in his embrace

"Good night Meredith," he whispered, "I love you."

"Me too," she mumbled, unable to witness the smile. Then, she gently squeezed his hand, and his heart skipped a beat, immeasurable joy bringing tears to his eyes.

She'd been restless, getting up several times that night and as she came back to bed, noticed it was almost time for him to get up, the alarm set to go off in the next few minutes.

He was on his back and after turning off the alarm, she quietly slipped back in bed, laying on her side watching him sleep. Her heart was pounding with an overpowering desire to gather him in her arms and tell him she loved him. But, something kept holding her back, a nagging feeling that kept the words at bay.

"Good morning," she whispered softly against his lips.

"Uhmm...tired…"

"Derek," she brushed his lips again, "already let you sleep five more minutes."

"Uhmmm…want sleep…"

She let him enjoy a couple more minutes, knowing it didn't matter if he was running a little late, they couldn't very well operate without him," she thought and smiled.

He opened his eyes at that moment, a bit startled, "you've been watching me sleep?"

"You didn't give me much of a choice, since my kisses didn't wake you."

He reached for her hand entwining their fingers together, "but they did…I just wanted to enjoy some more."

"In that case," she said, bridging the distance between them, "good morning, again."

"Uhmmm…my turn to say this is how I want to wake up every morning," he said, and held her close to him, her head gently resting on his chest.

"You have an early surgery, you need to get going."

"Spoilsport."

"I can't help that you're this world renowned neurosurgeon …and the only one that can do this surgery."

"You're buttering me up…what's going on?"

"I'm teasing you Derek, but come to think of it, why couldn't I scrub in on this with you?"

"I knew there was an ulterior motive to your words of praise."

"There was not…"she giggled, "but seriously, you could have asked for me."

"I did."

"You did?"

"Yes, apparently they are sticking to the new eighty hour weeks and the time span between your last shift to this one wouldn't cut it, so the chief wouldn't budge."

"Oh…" she said a bit disappointed, "they have been sticking to it."

"Why didn't you ask me before?"

She was quiet and didn't answer

"Meredith?"

"It…the day it was scheduled… it was the day after we broke up… I didn't want to ask you for anything."

"I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"No, it's not."

"Derek, there's going to be other surgeries, I don't plan on going anywhere."

"You're right, but our personal life should not interfere with the professional."

"Seriously?"

"Of course."

She laughed, "oh Derek, you have so much to learn."

"What?"

"Do you actually think I was in any shape or had any desire to ask you for any favors…"

He interrupted her, "it would not have been a favor, you're a brilliant surgeon, and nothing should interfere with that."

She was quiet again, and then said with a hint of sadness, "that's what my mother would have said."

"Hey, that may be the only time I agree with your mother. You and I are going to have disagreements in the future, nothing like what we've just been through, but there will be times when we have some rough spots, and we can't let that interfere with our work."

"Are you saying work should be more important?"

"No, I'm not. You & me…that is everything that is important, that's our priority."

"Ok, then."

"But, realistically our relationship will have its ups and downs, and as hard as it may be, we have to try to not let that interfere with the professional. It's hard, it will be sometimes, but the most important thing, when we come home…it's just us…we leave work behind."

"So, in spite of our personal…disagreements…I should be bossy at work…" she teased him.

"You can be bossy anytime… I'm just not sure how often I'll listen," he laughed.

"You ass."

"So I've been told before," he said and kissed her, very reluctant to let go.

"You need to go…now…"

"What time is your shift today," he asked as he got out of bed and headed for the shower, a cold shower she suspected.

"Ten to eight, are you going to have time for breakfast, I can get it ready."

"Yes. You're getting very domesticated," he joked before closing the door.

On her way to the small kitchen she opened the door to the bathroom and told him, "just for that comment, I should make you eat the same thing I made for Lexie," and as she shut the door heard his laughter, and walked away smiling.

She went back to bed for an hour after he'd left, and though she did not sleep, it helped her get started gathering her thoughts, to figure out what she was going to discuss with the therapist. Pondering, how does one even begin to talk to a therapist.

Meredith had finished some rounds with her interns, and assigned a couple to surgeries when she finally had a chance for a break that morning, and was dropping off some charts at the nurses' station before going to the resident's lounge.

"Dr. Grey, we miss seeing you here early in the morning."

"Hi Amy Lynn, I've missed the morning banter myself."

"Well, we can certainly bring you quickly up to date, can't we Steph."

"Dr. Grey, she's right, but we kind of have some gossip of our own," she laughed, looking over at Lisette who was sitting at the far end of the counter.

"Go ahead, laugh at me," Lisette "just wait till it's your turn."

She sensed him before he spoke, "hey," he said as he stood behind her and put his arm around her, "do you have time for coffee?"

"Yes," she said as she grinned contentedly, and leaned back against him.

"Ladies, missed seeing you this morning, where's Tracy?"

Nobody answered, as Tracy and Mark were walking toward them together.

"Ah…"

They all laughed, including Meredith, "your observation powers are…delayed," she teased him.

"I have been in surgery all morning," he added.

"How did it go?"

"Very good, I'll tell you about it over coffee."

"The Fab4 & GS together again," Mark drawled.

"Oh God," Tracy commented.

"I didn't hear you complaining last night," he openly teased her in front of the others.

"I was having too much fun to notice the absurdity of your comments," she smiled.

"Well, the important thing has been established, you were having too much fun."

"That I was."

"So, Amy Lynn, how did I fare with my bet."

"Another one," Meredith and Derek said simultaneously.

"This one's a fun one," Steph laughed.

"You all just go ahead and make fun of me, I'm going to see how you react when each of you has to deal with …"

"What's going on?" Derek interrupted.

Everyone laughed, except Lisette who was sitting quietly with her head down, before Tracy interrupted.

"The Fab4 family, as Mar...Dr. Sloane would say…"

"Tracy, I think they know… you can call me Mark," he winked.

"Well, we are getting a new addition…"

Mark, not known for patience, "told you, I can tell a pregnant woman a mile away."

"Really," Meredith asked him laughing, "when did you change your specialty?"

"It has nothing to do with that, ask Shep, I identified three of his sister's pregnancies before they had any idea."

"Yeah, he did manage to do that…"

"Lisette, you're pregnant… that's good, right…you're so quiet."

"Yes, it's very good, except they have not stopped teasing me for totally ignoring all the symptoms."

"Totally ignoring is not the word, it's called living in denial for two weeks, and refusing to believe us or her husband when we kept telling her," Amy Lynn chimed in.

"Well, that's wonderful, Congratulations Lisette, when are you due?"

"I'm only about seven weeks along Dr. Shepherd, so I'll be around here for a while still."

"Told you, I called it 7 weeks," Mark grinned.

"What was the bet?" Meredith asked.

"The FAB4 take me out to dinner!"

"So, you're gain is their loss," Derek joked.

"Don't go there Shepherd, it's obvious you're not out of the woods yet."

"What does that mean?"

"You & Grey, no sex yet."

"Dr. Sloan," Meredith started…

"C'mon Mer, you have to call me Mark… remember…bestman…and Derek agreed to god…"

She interrupted him quickly, "Mark, the bet was how long it would take for McDreamy to redeem himself…not about…"

"He can't fully redeem himself until…but, wait, there is that smile…something has changed…I can't quite get a grasp on it…but…Grey…you're hiding something, you both are..."

"I am not…" she said averting his gaze, "but, I should get to say when McDreamy has redeemed himself…"

"Doesn't work that way Grey, you have to learn to interpret bets correctly."

"Think what you want," Meredith told him with a smile and turned around to kiss Derek softly on the lips, "ready for that coffee?"

"Ladies, will see you later. Lisette, congratulations again."

"Thank you, Dr. Shepherd, it's nice to have one sane person around here, between these and my husband they are driving me crazy about having missed all the signs."

"Be honest Lisette, you didn't miss all the signs," Steph teased her, " you just denied the possibility… even after it was the same thing with your daughter."

"Whatever… tease away, I'm pregnant and dizzy and nauseous and actually thrilled about another baby."

Derek and Meredith walked away holding hands and he looked at her, "that's nice, she's having a baby."

"It is," she smiled.

They entered the lounge and found Alex and Cristina.

"Hey guys."

"Mer, Dr. Shepherd."

"Hi guys, interns running around loose?"

"You could say that, it's been a hell of a morning. That was a great surgery, Dr. Shepherd."

"The two of you scrubbed in?"

"Dude, I wish, watched from the gallery."

"Cristina did, she was excellent," Derek said, "so was Lexie."

"Lexie scrubbed in too, Derek and I…"

"Meredith."

"Never mind."

"What's with you two? All's peachy except for surgery benefits?"

Meredith chose not to rise to her bait, "you could say that, I couldn't scrub in, though Derek asked for me, chief wouldn't bend the hours rule."

"You missed a hell of a learning opportunity."

"There'll be others," she said smiling at Derek as he brought her a cup of coffee.

"Three was good, she's got a lot of potential."

"Three? Cristina, you can't still be calling the interns by numbers," Derek commented dumbfounded.

"I don't do it all the time, it just easier."

"They're doctors, human beings, they deserve to be called by their name," he stated.

She was quiet, and then quietly stated, "Burke would have agreed with you."

Derek was surprised and decided to ease the tension caused by that obviously profound statement, "well, he wasn't always right."

Cristina met his gaze in acknowledgment, "no, he was not."

Meredith reached for his hand and squeezed it gently, "thank you," she mouthed..

Alex and Cristina's pagers went off simultaneously, leaving Meredith and Derek alone.

"How are you feeling today," he asked leading her to the small sofa.

"I'm good."

"Uhmmm…"

"I am, no dizziness or cramping…maybe just getting back to what's normal for me."

"Funny…" he said softly, still holding her hand, "Lisette being pregnant…"

"Derek…"

"And not recognizing the symptoms…imagine that…medical professionals…in denial."

She laughed, "you believe you're still humoring my denial…"

"I love you," he smiled.

"That's not always going to work," she said and hugged him, "but you know what…"

"What?"

"This may come as a shock to you…"

"Meredith…"

"Derek…"

"What...what are you thinking?"

"Whenever it happens…Derek…even if I don't think I'll ever be ready…I'm going to love the look on your face…"

"Oh…"

"What…what did you think I was going to say?"

"Nothing…" he said almost pouting and not looking at her.

"Oh…you thought I was going to tell you I might have been denying it too…"

"Yeah…"

"I'm sorry…I'm not…really I'm not…but, I know something's off, and I promised you I'd look into it… maybe I am anemic."

"Two days…you're not better in two days, and I'm not waiting anymore."

"Derek, was Mark lying about knowing your sisters were pregnant," she asked trying not to sound too interested.

"Believe it or not, he did, it freaked the hell out of them, because at the time none of them had even thought about it."

"Surprising isn't it, from him," she laughed.

"He said he developed that sense to guard off against any of his many conquests lying to him about it."

"That sounds like Mark," she laughed.

"You didn't let him finish about being a godfather today."

"Derek, can you imagine the kind of gossip that would start."

"We'd be the talk of the hospital, again," he smiled and leaned in to kiss her.

"I like him and Tracy, don't you?"

"I'm surprised he's being so open about it, I mean, he's very open about his numerous conquests, but never singles one out like that."

"Marking his territory, you think?"

"That's what he said about you the other day."

"He said what?"

"That he was very proud of you for marking your territory in the OR."

"Well, it was hard not to, and don't you forget it. You are totally mine, and I'm not sharing you, not an inch of you Derek, don't forget it."

"That sounded vaguely dirty," he laughed, "I've no interest in anyone but you. I'm completely yours."

"As I am."

_AN This story seems to have lost readers the last chapter, but I know at least 6 of you enjoyed it!_ _Thank you for reading, there's over 50,000 hits, which is amazing, t hough I don't actually know how it compares to others. I hope you're enjoying this journey as much as I am writing it... there's a few rough spots on the terrain, but please know lthey are truly headed towards a wonderful destination. _


	66. Chapter 66

**Ch – 65 Coincidences **

Meredith and Derek walked out of the lounge holding hands until they reached the elevator, when he kissed her softly, "page me for lunch."

"It may not be for a couple of hours."

"That's fine, I'm going into surgery now," he said as he got in the elevator, and she then walked back to the nurse's station.

Neither was aware of the malevolent sentiments harbored by the dark haired nurse, as she watched from a distance, while considering herself the woman scorned.

"Lisette, can I have the charts for 4211 and 4235, please."

Lisette got up to get the charts and when she turned, Meredith saw her become pale and reach out for the cart with the charts to steady herself, and she quickly went to her side.

"Are you ok," she asked reaching out to steady her.

"Yes, part of the I'm happy being pregnant side effects."

"Come sit down," she said, "Steph, would you mind covering for her a few minutes," she said, leading her to the more private office behind them, and sat next to her.

"I'm ok, really Dr. Grey."

"You didn't look too well, and I bet that wasn't a pleasant dizzy spell."

"No, they never are."

"Is there something I can get for you? Anything that helps?"

"Please, I'm ok, really, I don't want to bother you."

"You're not. I'm a doctor, helping a patient."

"I'm not a patient," she laughed.

"But, I'm a doctor, and I say you're my patient," she smiled, while at the same time reached for her wrist and took her pulse. "That's a bit fast."

"Usually it is, after the dizziness, but that's just me, it's not the same with every woman."

"Does it happen a lot, the dizzy spells?"

"Few times a day, but it's not as bad as the nausea."

"I couldn't believe Dr. Sloan, taking bets on you being pregnant."

"He is just incorrigible about that, but I have to tell you, he joked with me two weeks ago, and I had not even started to have any symptoms."

"Are you feeling better?"

"Just a bit."

"Well, I'll keep you company till you're ready to go back."

"That's very sweet of you Dr. Grey."

"This gives me a chance for a break, it's not too often we get those."

"I don't mean to pry, but, you and Dr. Shepherd look happy, it's nice to see you two back together."

"Thank you," she smiled. "So tell me, why were they making so much fun of you?"

"I've worked with Amy for about five years, and when I was pregnant with my daughter, it was exactly the same. But of course the symptoms are not normal, so I never suspected and now, it was the same thing so how was I to know both my pregnancies would manifest the same way."

"Well, you're happy about it, that's all that matters."

"My husband is thrilled, and he kept telling me, and I kept ignoring him. He of course joined he bandwagon of I told you so, including Dr. Sloan, who just insisted I had the look," she laughed.

"I'm curious now, how are your symptoms different?"

"I still had my period, and then it seemed like regular PMS, this last time, just a bit stronger cramps and still had a very light period, finally I got worried when the nausea and dizziness started last week and decided to make an appointment, and thank God everything is fine."

"That is strange, I guess, having your period two months in a row, I haven't really worked with too many ob/gyn cases."

"It seems like it's normal for me, while it certainly wouldn't be for most women."

Meredith tried her best not to react, she was describing very similar symptoms to her own, but it simply was not possible. She would know if she was pregnant, yet, she felt the panic begin to rise, because as Lisette said, hers was not the normal circumstance.

"Are you better now?"

"Yes, I can go back, thank you."

"You're welcome, I'm glad I was here to help."

"Have a good day, Dr. Grey."

Meredith started to walk away, "Dr. Grey, your charts."

"Oh, sorry, I guess I became distracted," she said as she began to walk to the patient's room.

"Meredith."

She continued to walk lost in her own disturbing thoughts.

"Meredith, are you all right?"

"Lexie, hi."

"Mer, are you ok, I called you, and you kept walking, Mer, really you don't look good," she said and led her to nearby chair, "you've gone really pale…almost like you'd seen a ghost, is the best way to describe it."

"Maybe I did," she laughed, "a little one."

"What?"

"Sorry, bad joke."

"What's going on?"

"Just an unexpected conversation, that got me thinking."

"A good conversation…good thinking?"

"I don't know actually."

"Can I help?"

"No, it's nothing, really."

"My sister the avoider. Yes, I can see it's nothing."

"Don't push it, I'm still older."

"Yeah, but…you now what they say…"

"Don't…don't even consider coming up with any of your quotes right now."

They both laughed, "you sure you're ok?"

"Tell you what, if I'm not…"

"Meredith, don't joke."

"If I'm not, you'll be one of the first to know…"

"Meredith Grey, this is no joking matter, why do you think there's something wrong?"

"I don't think there is anything wrong," she said defensively.

"Oh my God, you're pregnant, aren't you?"

"No! You and Derek need to stop, really."

"I take it Derek hasn't stopped," she teased her.

"You know, Lexie," she said with a feigned hint of annoyance, "if I was pregnant, the sheer obstinacy of you two, would be enough for me to keep it a secret."

"Mer…you're not denying it…maybe…"she smiled.

"Lexie…"

They both laughed and then a bit more sentimental, Meredith added, "Lexie," she hesitated, "there….there is something…I want to tell you."

"What?"

"I'm going to start going to therapy, this week in fact…and… I thought…well…"

"Meredith, you can ask… ask me anything…about…Dad and …well anything…if it can help you…"

"Maybe…maybe I will…but I just wanted you to know…because…I may…I'm not sure…if I will, but I may…ask you for help…maybe…you can just be there for me…for me to talk to..."

"I'll be there…whatever you need. Mer, I'm so glad …so glad we found each other."

"So am I Lexie," and before they continued to walk down the hall, she reached out and softly placed her hand on her arm, and smiled.

"I've got to go, I'll see you later."

"Lexie…if you see Derek, do not egg him on…"

"Are you suggesting he and I would conspire behind your back…"

"Yes," she giggled, "he's disappointed, I mean, not that we're ready for that...but just don't bring it up, ok? I started my period yesterday, so he knows…he knows I'm not pregnant."

"Ok… and Meredith, I'm sorry, for teasing you…it's just…well your symptoms…"

"Just coincidences…but I'm not."

"Three, I paged you, hey Mer."

"Dr. Yang, I was on my way to find you, I've got the test results you wanted, and think we should also recommend an MRI."

Cristina looked over the information, "very good, go ahead, get it scheduled."

"Ok. Meredith, I'll talk to you later."

"Lex, congratulations by the way."

"For what?"

"Meredith, stop the chit chat, and delaying my intern."

"I'm not delaying her, we're wasting more time now," she snapped at Cristina.

Lexie stood watching the exchange, almost as though waiting for permission from the teacher to leave, but this time, it was the older sister.

"Lex, it was great you scrubbed in on Derek's surgery, not too many interns get that chance…repeatedly."

"He's clearly playing favorites, to get on your good graces."

Lexie's face dropped in disappointment, but Meredith interrupted, "that is not true, Lexie go on, get your test scheduled. I'm going to get some sweet pills for Cristina, cause it sure as hell looks like she's been overdosing on bitter ones."

"Oh, that was good. Meredith, just when I think you can't pull off sarcasm, you surprise me."

"Oh stop being a bitch, you know you like her."

"Yeah, well, I thought if I wasn't nice to her…"

"Stop it Cristina. You like her, and she's a good doctor, and I'm happy she's in my life, she's my sister, can't you be pleased… that someone in my family cares about me."

"Ok, do not get all sentimental on me. What the hell has that man done to you?"

"Cristina," she paused and indeed had become sentimental, "he's McDreamy again."

"You had sex with him, finally…oh Sloan's gonna love this one."

"Wait, you and Sloan are talking about when…"

"Lighten up Mer… the whole hospital is talking about your sex life."

"I'm going to have to talk to Derek, really give them something to talk about."

"So, you have time to meet at Joe's tonight?"

"No, I can't."

"Mer…you've been spending all your time with him, and not giving any of us the time of day."

"That's not true, he cooked dinner for all of you, and that wasn't that long ago."

"Yeah, but we're used to seeing you almost everyday at Joe's"

"We have a lot of things to work on Cristina, I need the time with Derek."

"You're no fun Mer, you're becoming like an old married couple."

"We are not."

"Joe's then, tonight."

"I m on till eight."

"So, that's a great time to meet there."

"Not tonight, Cristina, Derek's meeting me after work at my house."

"Just as long as you know you're totally ignoring your friends…that have been there for you, when…he…"

"Cristina, don't ruin it… this conversation, please...don't ruin it with one of those comments. Listen, maybe tomorrow night… we'll get together tomorrow night."

"Whatever."

"Don't pout."

"I don't do that."

"Yeah, you do…and Cristina, you're still my person."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"But, now I have to share with Three."

"Now you have to share with Lexie…and she doesn't mind," she teased her.

"She's not so bad."

"She's really not, but I think you intimidate her."

"Good, she's smart and a fine doctor to boot."

"Thank you."

"I'll talk to you later Mer, hey… maybe lunch would work today."

"Well…"

"Never mind…getting trumped by McDreamy again, but Mer, at least make it worth our while…sex…so Sloan and I can settle bets."

The next couple of hours had passed quickly when she got a text from Derek.

-hey ready for a bite

-where

-ur choice

-neck shoulder?

-tease

-u love me anyway

-I do

-ok when

-now on call room

-derek…

-my office 5 min

-we need food

-done

She walked up to his office and knocked lightly before walking in.

"Hey," she said.

"How's your day going," he asked extending his hand for her to join him on the small couch, while still preparing the plates on the table in front of it.

"When did you get all this?"

"It pays to have friends…"

"Who did you sucker into it?"

"You wound me…"

"Right," she said sitting next to him.

"Tracy."

"You're joking?"

"Nope."

"Derek…what did you do?"

"Nothing… I can't understand why you have this…"

"Derek…"

"Told her I'd give her some embarrassing man whore stories."

"DEREK! That's awful…"

"Why are you defending him…" he said possessively.

"You… are…jealous…" she smiled.

"I am not."

"Uhmmm…you have no reason to..."

"He knows I'll kill him."

"That's more like it," she said and turned tokiss him. "You should know Derek…you're the only man I want," she said deepening their kiss and then trailed kisses down his throat, neck, teasing, gently biting…until she reached the opening of his shirt and stopped, smiling at him, and brought her mouth to his again.

"Meredith, " he said a bit breathless, "you realize you keep saying things like that, while laying half way on top of me….and it makes it very hard…" he stopped himself and laughed, "no pun intended…to stop…"

"I know…but… you were too tempting to resist…and you, are the one that brought up…bites…"

There was a knock at the door, "come in," he said, as both sat up on the couch.

"Dr. Shepherd, the information you requested was delivered, and you said to bring it in right away."

"Yes, I did. Thank you," he said and took the envelope and placed it on the table.

Meredith had started to nibble at the food, "Derek, this is really good, where did you get it?"

"Tracy recommended it, they were going there for lunch, and I asked them to bring something back."

"We should go there sometime, you know Derek, we should double date."

"What?"

"With Mark and Tracy, go on a double date."

"Meredith, we're not in high school."

"It would be nice, he's seen her more than once, that's huge for him."

"Doesn't mean I want to double date with him, when I can be spending the time alone with you."

"Exactly…"

"What does that mean…"

"You know…it may be a way to diffuse… spending time together...before McDreamy really get all his privileges back," she giggled.

"You are truly, pushing your luck."

"I don't think so…just all the right buttons.

"That you are…you certainly are," he said and leaned over to kiss her. "Eat your food."

She looked at him with a mischievous grin…"uhmmm…I wonder…"

Before she could say anything else, he did, "don't even think about it…or your waiting time will be effectively over."

They finished their meal with continued light banter and teasing until her pager went off.

"Interns, but not urgent."

"What's the rest of your day like," he asked, noticing she still looked tired.

"Who knows, except two surgeries starting atfive so I really hope to be out of here by eight."

"How about you?"

"I'm done in a couple of hours, so I'll be heading out of here before five, and have some errands to run."

"Keeping secrets?"

"Nope, look for yourself," he told her and handed her the envelope that had been brought to him.

"What is it?"

"Open it, I think you'll appreciate the contents."

She did and immediately started laughing. "Oh Derek," she said turning to brush his lips with her. "You were listening."

"Of course I was listening" he said as he laid out the various articles on bears sighted at Bainbridge Island and numerous options for fences.

"A fence Derek," she laughed, and laid her head back against the back of the sofa, and looked at him with bright and sparkly eyes, "is not going to keep bears away."

"Those articles were just to assure you…it's most uncommon."

"I see…" she teased, reaching out for his hand. "so the fences…"

"Just looking at options," he said, and brought his hand to rest on her abdomen, "for when the time comes to protect our babies."

"I can live with that," she said, the shine in her eyes suddenly brighter as tears began to pool.

"I can't have you worried about our kids all the time," he said softly as he kissed her, his hands gently caressing her stomach.

"I should go, I'll see you tonight."

"Hey, Meredith, you know, if you ever need to…want to take a break, you can come in here, lay down for a bit, relax, whatever you need."

"I don't…I can't…"

"Yes, you can. I'm telling you right now, that you can, and it would actually make me feel better if you would…especially now, when you haven't been feeling well."

"Derek, I'm fine."

"Yes, I know you're fine. But, you're tired, I can see it, and if you steal a few minutes here and there and come in here nobody has to know you're taking a short break."

She hesitated briefly, then said, "maybe I will, actually…" she paused, " I need to do look into some things, would it be ok, if I used your computer later?"

"Of course, you don't have to ask."

"I won't… I mean, I won't be looking at your personal files or anything, I mean…just…I just need the internet."

"Meredith, do you want to know my password."

"No."

"But you can," he said and whispered it in her ear.

She giggled, "very naughty."

"Only thoughts of you," he teased.

"With that password, it damn well better be me you're thinking about."

"Always is."

"I'll see you at home."

"You will. I love you."

She sat up and leaned up to kiss him, leaving him with a satisfied smile on his face.

Derek had long gone home when Meredith entered his office and sat at his desk. She had his key, which he'd told her to give back to him tonight, though he'd said he intended to get a key made for her.

She stared at the computer screen for several minutes and then finally double clicked Internet Explorer. Ever since she's spoken to Lisette, followed by Lexie's comment there was a seed of doubt that prompted her to look further into her symptoms and figure out what could possibly be wrong with her.

_AN - Thanks to each of you that commented on ch 64 & yes, it's funny that there's less readers but more comments. Typically each chapter had about 450 hits, and I always said I really wanted at least 5 review. But the last 3 chapters are diminishing in readers... from 319/202/124... but reviews are 9/6/7... so since I said 5 reviews & chapter 65 is ready... here you go. _

_The next chapter begins to unfold the story as I first plotted it... that is, I plotted the storyline, and went back to write Chapter 1, so it's taken 65 chapters to get to my original idea. It may take a couple of days to get that written. Thank you again for reading, and for the comments._


	67. Chapter 67

_AN Thank you all for reading. Can't believe how many comments there were yesterday. There is lots said between the lines in this update. They will face some unexpected circumstances during the next five days of their lives, but trust me, each word between them, each moment between them, will be bringing them closer,and after this, nothing will ever get in between their love for each other. _

**Ch 66 - Unexpected **

Unfortunately, the patient died within fifteen minutes of starting the second surgery, and she'd scrubbed out almost an hour earlier than expected. She'd been sitting at Derek's desk since before seven and it would be time to go home soon, but she wanted to finish her research.

The words on the screen took a life of their own, as though each site she visited, each revealing piece of information was determined to mock her

Her mind was reeling, the brain on overload after discovering surprising possibilities that could be responsible for her symptoms.

She absorbed it all, in some cases, going back to read again, and ultimately of all she read, this scared her the most: Seek prompt care if the dizziness is severe and occurs with abdominal pain or vaginal bleeding.

When she'd had her first panic attack she hadn't paid attention to it, or rather she'd done her best to avoid addressing it, then came the sleepless nights. Now, she thought, without being able to dismiss the overwhelming anguish gripping at her heart, whichever of the conditions applied to her current symptoms, all indicated a potential health problem, and she was not ready to handle that.

She was not ready to face some of the possible emotional consequences. Most of all, whereas, weeks ago she would have been panicking, her biggest fear now was disappointing Derek, because some more than others could impact him as well. But, if she were truly honest, the biggest fear of all is recognizing her own unexpected disappointment.

She felt the trickle of tears, unable to suppress the heightened vulnerability. What kind of a doctor was she, she thought, that failed to recognize the most obvious symptoms, and as a result could have far reaching consequences.

Stop it Meredith, she chided silently, stop being so pessimistic, maybe, just maybe she was misinterpreting the symptoms, and all could be resolved with minimal treatment and medication.

The vibration of her pager forced her back to the present, preventing her from continuing further searches, though she was fairly certain she did not need to look at any more information. The answers were already in front of her, now she only had to gather the courage to find out how they applied to her.

She wanted Derek. Wanted to run to him and cry in his arms, and tell him she was scared. Scared of not knowing what was wrong with her. Scared of knowing that her delay in seeking medical advice, could ultimately result in the breakdown of their relationship.

She wanted Derek, instead she was being paged with a 911, and resented the intrusion.

Her shift was almost over, and instead of getting ready to go home had to deal with an emergency. She shut down his computer, clearing the trace of all history.

Minutes later she walked out and locked his office, and reached for the phone to call him.

"Hey."

"Hey, I've just been paged, trauma coming in, 7 minutes away, I wanted you to know I'm stuck here."

"Ok, just let me know when you're headed home."

"Don't…don't wait up for me," she told him, unable to hide the sadness from her voice.

"Meredith, what's wrong?"

"I'm just tired, and thought I'd be heading home…and I can't…"she stated quietly.

"I'll wait up for you."

"No, Derek, you don't have to, I don't know how long I'll be."

"Hey, something's wrong, I can hear it in your voice. I'll wait for you to get home."

"I'm fine Derek, you need some sleep."

"Do I need to come there now?"

"What?"

"Whatever's upset you, we need to talk about it, and it's not going to wait till morning."

"Derek…"

"Yes."

"I used your office."

"That's fine, I gave you the key."

"I was on your computer, doing some research."

"Did you find what you needed?"

She sighed, "I'm afraid I did."

"What exactly does that mean?"

"I'm not ok," she said softly, "Derek, I looked up my symptoms, and …I may not be ok."

"I know you're not."

"I really need you Derek, and all I wanted was to go home…and now…"

"Listen, I can come there, if you want …"

"I don't want you to come here…I want to be at home, alone with you, we'll talk when I get home."

"Meredith…"

"Yes," she sniffled.

"You know I love you, don't you?"

"Yes…" she hesitated, "why…why are you asking?"

"I just want you to know, that nothing is going to change that," he said reassuring her, almost as though he had read her mind.

"It could Derek, it could change…if…if…" she mumbled, and he was sure he'd heard a broken sob.

"I know what's wrong, Meredith, I know what could e wrong."

She was quiet, deathly so, when he insisted, "Meredith, did you hear me?"

"Yes."

"Listen to me, I did the same thing tonight, I'm worried about you and I've spent several hours looking into what's may be wrong."

"You did…why?" she sniffled.

"Because, I love you, and I know something was wrong, and I needed to make sure you take care of yourself, so I looked at all the possibilities, and you're going to be fine."

"What if I'm not, Derek, what if my own negligence means…means…it could hurt us both in the future."

"It's not…we are going to be fine, you're going to be fine."

"What did you find?"

He listed several conditions he thought could be responsible for her ailments, all except one.

"That's the same thing I found," she stated, having interestingly avoided the mention of the same condition he had avoided.

"Meredith, you're fine. All of these things, we can take care of it and you'll be fine."

"I've got to go, I'll see you at home."

Derek sat back on the couch, thinking back to their conversation and wishing they could have had it in person, but things do not always happen in our expected timing. Things sometimes catch us off guard, forcing us to face unforeseen circumstances.

He could tell something was wrong the second he'd heard her voice, and wished he had been there to comfort her. He spent hours researching her symptoms, and though it was unlikely any were life threatening, there could be some long term effects, and those they would have to deal with, discuss the impact it could have in their lives.

It was after eleven when she pulled up to her house. She was beyond exhausted.

Derek had fallen asleep with the light on, and an open medical magazine rested on top of his chest. She entered the bathroom quietly hoping he would not awaken, and was out a few minutes later freshly showered and a second wind upon her.

Walking over to his side of the bed, she sat down, placed the magazine on the nightstand and leaned down to kiss him softly.

"Uhmmm."

"I'm sorry, I didn't want to wake you, but I need you."

"Hey," he said groggily, "I'm sorry I fell asleep, I wanted to be awake when you got home."

"You are now," she said, looking deeply into his eyes, "I need you Derek, I'm scared."

He reached for her placing her on top of him and rolling her to be held by his side.

"What are you scared of?"

"All of it Derek, except if I have anemia…and even that…most of what I read….it could mean…could…mean infertility."

"That is the worse case scenario, and we don't know for sure that what's going on with you is that serious…but we will look into it, get you tested, and whatever it is, we'll take care of it."

"But…what…what happens, Derek, what happens if it is bad…and I can't have kids."

"I'm not going to tell you I would not be disappointed, if we can't have kids. But, I meant what I told you earlier. I love you. Meredith, I love you, and if we have kids, that's icing on the cake, but without you, the rest doesn't matter."

"You say that now, Derek, but later…later…you'd resent me, and hate me…and…I think I'd pretty much hate myself for making you miserable," she said as tears began to fall.

"Hey, what is this, making me miserable…and hating yourself…"

"It's what would happen Derek…you know it would…I'd hate myself …because… maybe…if I had not ignored the symptoms I could have prevented things…"

"Meredith, you are a doctor. I know you looked at various conditions, but I also know, that we can't always be logical about what may be wrong with us."

"That doesn't mean that you won't be miserable, that…that…if I can't give you the family you want."

"Stop this. Stop this right now," he told her, and looked deep into her eyes.

"Would you…would you still love me…if I can't give you children?"

"Would it stop you? Will it stop you from loving me, if I were the one that could not have kids?"

"No," she whispered, "nothing could stop me," she said as they locked gazes, and the seconds shared let them both know nothing would ever diminish their love for each other.

Nothing could ever get in the way of the relationship they were rebuilding, but, looking into each other's eyes, both had a deep rooted fear, a feeling that would not go away, a feeling that this conversation was just the beginning of events neither had foreseen and the course of their life would be changing forever.

Neither had touched upon the one other possibility, because, if they had, they would both have to admit, that the hope in their hearts was held by a very thin thread, one about to be broken, and neither wanted the other to experience the heartbreak.

Both were being pessimistic. Understandably, neither looked beyond the present moment. But, the one possibility they were ignoring, even if it wasn't meant to be now, even if nature had already begun to take its course and would bring moments of immeasurable sadness, even then, they could not look into the future and realize it would nurture and bind their relationship forever.

After a long period of silence he laid her back softly against the pillows, looking deep in her eyes.

"Meredith, I know that in your eyes, I have broken many promises..."

"Derek…I …"

"Let me finish."

"But…it's not…I've…I've disappointed you too…"

"I have broken promises…and I know there is no reason for you to believe that I won't do the same in the future…"

"Derek…we've talked…you don't have to say..."

"I do, I do have to say this," he interrupted her, deep emotion in his voice. "Right now, I know you're scared, mainly because we don't know exactly what's going on. But, you have to believe me, when I tell you, that I know…deep, deep within my soul, that you are going to be ok. That there is nothing wrong with you that we can't take care of, but most important of all…you have to believe me when I tell you that no matter what happens, there is nothing more important to me than you."

"There's nothing more important to me either," she said softly.

"Then, there is nothing that will stop us from being happy."

"You really believe that?"

"I do, because…you had a dream…a dream I intend to help you fulfill."

"But," she whimpered, "Derek…that…that dream…we had a family."

"Yes…I know…"

"But, if we can't…"

"Meredith, we will."

"What makes you so sure."

"Because I have a dream too…"

"You do…"

"Yes."

"Are you going to share it with me…"

"No," he teased.

"Derek, this is not time to tease," she cried.

"But it is, because my dream… is making yours come true…"

"Derek…you can't…you can't know that."

"Yes… I can …because…I have a feeling…Meredith… I have a feeling…that things are not going to be easy…but in the end…I know…we'll have that dream come true."

"Promise."

"Promise."

"Derek, will you hold me?"

"All night," he said as they both settled into their favorite position, him spooning her, holding her tight.

She closed her eyes, letting her mind wonder to that small possibility, buried deep within her heart, a bit of hope unwilling to be shared, for fear of disappointment. But, she was unable to prevent the smile on her lips as she gently took his hand and laid it softly on her belly, placing her hand over his.

Maybe, just maybe, she thought, there was a chance nothing was wrong, and that the fears that went along with the tiny miracle of hope, did not indicate that all could quickly disappeared. Maybe her symptoms were normal, for her, and she was not doomed to imminent loss and disappointment.

Earlier in the day, he'd asked her how she was feeling, and she'd told him she was better, neglecting to tell him the dizziness had not fully disappeared, that her cramping had become worse during the day, and that for some inexplicable reason the light bleeding she'd experienced had stopped.

Derek smiled at her gentle action, allowing her to place his hand on her stomach. She'd realized he might be right, but understood she was not ready to voice that. He'd done the same research she had, and he knew, if that was the case, something could indeed be wrong, and that small miracle they never discussed, might not be meant to be a part of their life at this time. Having a family may simply have to wait.

She snuggled closer to him, amazed by all the emotions she was feeling. Avoidance and denial had been a constant for so long in her life, and now faced with the most unavoidable situation of her life, she found herself wanting to embrace it, share the moment with him, and hope, against all hope that all the signs were not the indication that all was about to be taken away from them.

Meredith and Derek fell asleep in each other's arms, a tiny bit of unrevealed hope in their hearts, but both inexplicably sensed, and tried to ignore, that their world was about to be turned upside down.

Morning dawned as the soft rays of sun penetrated through the white laced curtains and danced across the lovers entwined on the bed. Their brightness eventually reached their eyes, gently warming their faces and each began to wake.

"Good morning," he said leaning in to kiss her softly.

"Good morning,"

"I'll be right back," he teased, "I'm going to brush my teeth."

She giggled, "I'll join you."

A few minutes later both laid back on the bed, "we have a little time," she said, "before we have to get up, the sun was better than the alarm this morning."

He turned on his side to face her, "what would you like to do with that extra time," he murmured softly against her lips, as his mouth captured hers slipping his tongue into her mouth, and began the rhythmic thrust with his tongue that never failed to overwhelm her senses, never failed to consume her with passion and desire.

It had been so long, she thought, since she had allowed herself to be swept away in his arms and enjoy each other's insatiable need for one another.

He was feeling the same way, encouraging and taunting her, teasing her to give in to the emotions, and she did, or began to, finding herself pinned beneath him ready to forget and surrender to the inevitable joining of their bodies, when suddenly the shrill of the alarm startled them, bringing her face to face with him.

Breathlessly, he asked, "do you want me to stop?"

"No…" she said hesitantly.

"But," he murmured, wishing he had not heard that implication in her voice."

She looked at him then lowered her eyes, "I'm sorry…I want to…I want to forget, but…should we…should we wait…just in case…in case…"

"We'll wait…but…you promised," he said, continuing to catch his breath, "you will let me draw some blood today."

"Yes…I will…and then we'll know…we'll know for sure what's wrong."

"Ok."

"I'm sorry."

He held her close to his body, his arousal an evident reminder of their need for one another.

"I've been thinking, maybe I should invest in water utilities stock," he said with dead pan expression.

"What?"

"I'm already their number one customer for cold showers, might as well invest and make some money," he teased her.

"You can tease…"she giggled, "at a moment like this?"

"Do you have a better option?"

"Yes."

"Feel free to share."

"A cold shower together," she said and both laughed, holding onto each other.

Fate. Looking at them now, if it could, would reach out and embrace them to comfort and reassure them theirs was the love of a lifetime.

Fate would whisper softly to them, remember your dreams, and if they prayed, God would answer, gently holding them in the palms of his hand renewing their strength, silently transmitting a powerful message of faith. You'll have your lifetime and your dreams, though your timing may not always be mine, and some things are not meant to be right now, I'm answering your prayers and I too will be there, near you Meredith, in that rocking chair listening to the echoes of your family nearby.


	68. Chapter 68

**Ch 67 – Exultation **

Reluctantly, he got out of bed and reached for her hand, "are you getting up?"

"I just want to lie here a few more minutes."

"I thought you were joining me in the shower," he said, slightly raising an eyebrow.

"Not sure there's enough cold water to…uhmmm…douse your enthusiasm."

"Yeah, you do have that effect on me," he said as he sat on the bed and leaned in to kiss her softly.

Her thoughts drifted to the day before, she found herself mentally reviewing all the information she'd read. He was right, there wasn't really anything that didn't have an effective medical treatment or was life threatening, all except the possibility she could be pregnant.

Pregnant. That was certainly the last thing she had expected to find herself contemplating. She smiled, thinking she would never hear the end of it from Derek, and anticipated his reaction if it turned out she was. She still wasn't convinced that she could be, but, to see the look on his face would be priceless, while hers would likely register shock and incredulity.

She heard the water turn off, and got out of bed, wanting to get dressed before he came back to the bedroom. She rummaged through her closet and started to get dressed, thoughts of a baby never far away. If anyone had told her even a week ago, that she'd be considering the idea of being pregnant and not completely panicking, she'd have thought them mildly insane. Now, not only was she thinking it could be a slight possibility, but the idea of it did not have her fighting the urge to run in the opposite direction, she smiled at the direction of her thoughts, that was what Derek would say.

He was already dressed when he walked back in to the bedroom, while she had barely put her jeans on, still only wearing her bra.

"Meredith," he said startling her, "are you determined to tease the hell out of me this morning."

"What?"

"Get dressed."

"Oh," she said reaching out for a long sleeved blouse and quickly finished getting ready.

He walked over to her and embraced her. "How are you feeling this morning," he whispered against her ear.

"Better, much better, "she said pulling back slightly, "much more optimistic, Derek, thank you…for last night…thank you for being there, talking to me…caring enough to find out what could be wrong."

"Hey, you don't have to thank me, it's what I needed to do, make sure you're healthy, and being here, is where I wanted to be, where I always want to be…with you, holding you, loving you…whenever you need me."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I think it's official."

"What is?"

"McDreamy…"

"The bet is over…" he smiled.

"The bet is over…but …don't tell anyone…"

"Our secret…"

"Our secret only…for now…till we can get Mark back…for instigating it…"she laughed.

"I love you Meredith."

"I have to admit, that is clearly a factor in your redemption," she smiled, and brushed his lips with hers.

"I'm going right to surgery this morning, but I'll page you when I'm out, and you can meet me so we can run some lab tests on you, ok?"

"Yes."

"Meredith, you're ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Let's think of another way to reassure me."

She hugged him, "I'm going to be fine. Once we find out what's wrong, I'll be fine."

"Yes, you will be."

"Derek, do you really believe that," she asked unmistakable fear in her voice.

"Yes. Without any doubts."

"I don't know what I would have done last night, if I didn't have you to turn to."

"Well, that is something you never have to worry about again."

"I'm counting on you Derek…"she said misty eyed, "to be there…when I need you."

"I'm never leaving you again, and I'm not letting you push me away again, remember that."

"I remember."

"I'm very proud of you."

"You are…" she asked softly, a bit of wonder in her voice.

"You are beautiful and extraordinary…and I'm so proud of how you are dealing with all of our issues…how you are choosing to face things instead of avoiding…and Meredith, last night, when you told me you needed me…and wanted me to be there…my heart swelled with pride and love…that you are fighting for us…for us to have a chance at forever."

"You are being very unfair, Derek, knowing my emotions have been all over the place, and saying those things, you're not playing fair," she whispered, a lone tear sliding down her face.

"Yes, I do know…and I'm so proud of you, that you are not avoiding things. You're talking to me, and I'm so glad you needed me and didn't shy away from telling me, and that you're letting me help you find out what we need to do."

"Derek…"she said quietly…"what does that mean…what we need to do."

"That we'll deal with this together, make any decisions together."

"Oh," she said and he knew something he'd said had disappointed her.

"Meredith, aren't you going to let me… once we know what's going on, aren't you going to let me help look into what's best, whether it's a doctor or treatment or medication, aren't you going to need me…want me to help? Because, I want to, I want to make sure you have the very best care, for whatever it is, which could be very simple, as simple as getting you some vitamins and shots and treating a light case of anemia."

"Sorry…I wasn't sure…I thought it was …" she said lowering her eyes.

"What did you think I meant," he said slowly raising her chin to meet his gaze, "Meredith…what's wrong?"

"I thought," she paused and brought her hand to her face, attempting to disguise brushing a tear way, "it's silly."

"I get the feeling, it's very important," he said and cupped her face with both hands, allowing her to look into his very soul, "maybe even the most important thought you've ever had about us."

"It is."

"Then share the thought with me."

"I just thought… you meant…making a decision together…was about…" she swallowed hard, "if there is a baby… that decision…"

"You…you're thinking…I'd want you to decide whether to keep a baby or not…"

"I didn't know…we talked about it, and I told you what I thought… but now…"

"Meredith, we did talk about this…I'd never…never would I want us to make a decision like that…"

"I'm glad Derek…because now, it's one…one of the …"

"But now…wait…Meredith…are you thinking there might be…" he whispered so softly she barely heard him, but she saw the look of surprise and amazement in his eyes before a tear escaped, "you're really thinking you could be…you could be pregnant…"

"Aren't you?" she said, bringing her hand to his cheek and gently wiping the tears on his cheek.

"A baby…" he repeated in awe, "our baby…" he said, and she knew she would never forget this moment, the wonderment in his voice the exultation in his eyes. She had thought earlier what his face would reveal, if she turned out to be pregnant, and the happiness she imagined he would feel was nothing compared to this moment, this priceless moment of joy.

"Derek…it's…I'm not sure…but…"

He brought his index finger to her lips, placing it softly to silence her words. "This moment…this possibility…if, if there's a baby…let's enjoy this moment," he said pulling her softly towards the bed and sitting down, then gently eased her back against the pillows and laid by her side.

Neither said anything for several moments as they she laid on her back and he turned to his side, deep emotion etched on both their faces.

"I want there to be…Derek…I want there to be a baby…for you…for us," she whispered, "I hope there is."

"You want there to be…" he repeated.

She smiled softly, a half smile he adored as it spoke of so many hidden emotions, and reached for his hand. "Can you believe it…me…all dark and twisty…and thinking," she cried softly, "thinking…it's a possibility…because it is Derek, it could be one of the possibilities, and if it's true…I don't want to run away…I want, I want ..to be the best mom I can, I do…and it's overwhelming me…these emotions…Derek, since last night…it's overwhelming what I feel… at the slight…slight chance this could be it."

He was speechless, as he leaned over and softly kissed her lips, then slowly unbuttoned her blouse, revealing the soft smooth skin of her stomach and lightly brought his hand to touch her, gently caressing her, and then reverently brought his lips to her stomach and kissed her, "hey little one," he said and heard her gasp, "we're not sure if you're actually there, but it seems both your mommy and daddy are thinking there's a little chance you are, and if you are…I want this to be the very first time we tell you that we love you."

"Derek," she said, her voice filled with emotions she did not know existed, when he spoke to the baby, she felt the flutter of butterflies in her stomach, feeling the joy reserved for that moment when we first discover a love that surpasses every expectation.

"There could be…there could be a baby…but there's also a chance that there's not…"

"If you're not…well, then…I've kissed our future babies' mommy…right where she will be nurturing them and loving them…until it's time for us to meet them."

"Oh, God, Derek…do you have any idea how very much I love you."

He was stunned, as she brought her lips to his, "Meredith…"

"I love you," she murmured against his lips, "I do…I love you, like I never dreamed possible, like I never imagined."

"I love you, Meredith…but I don't deserve that from you… not yet."

"There's no conditions Derek…no buts…just my feelings…accept them, feelings I've been longing to share with you…forever."

"You…but, you don't have… you don't have to say…that... I can wait…till I've earned your trust again."

"Don't you know I have always trusted you…even when I couldn't…even when I've told you that I couldn't …in my heart…I had to trust you…or I would have lost all hope. You are the first man I have ever trusted with my feelings…when I could trust no one, you're the one I turned to…remember Derek, about my mother, the only one I trusted…"

He felt the lump in his throat would choke him, she had trusted him then, and all he'd done was betrayed her, asking that she take all he was offering on faith…and then betrayed that trust, on faith she accepted blindly.

"Derek " she said, immediately noticing the emotional retreat, "Derek…don't…wherever your thoughts are…don't go there, please not right now…I can see the doubts…don't push me away…"

"I'm not," he gulped, "but, I don't deserve your trust …I haven't truly earned that…you don't need to tell me…not yet."

"But, I do…need to tell you, because I do love you…and I've wanted to tell you for so long…and now…Derek…whether …there is a baby or not…just the possibility that we…that what we feel for one another…could have resulted in our conceiving a baby…I

need to tell you…over and over…that I love you…I have loved you for so long…"

"I adore you Meredith."

"As I do."

"You brought joy back to my life," he murmured, "when I thought…I'd lost faith…in so much, you saved me…and my life feels complete only when I'm with you…only with you in it, even if it's only to watch you sleep, to catch a glimpse of you during the day…to hear your voice in the middle of the night…you are my life Meredith."

"I can't imagine my life without you, I've already told you, Derek… in so many different ways and words, the last week, this last week of our lives…I was so scared, so scared to say it, but the feelings have always been there…even without the words, the feelings were always there."

"Thank you, for loving me."

"You don't need to thank me, Derek…it's enough we love each other…oh, Derek, that feels so good to say…I'm scared as hell still, but it feels so good not to hold it bottled up inside."

"There's no need to be scared, we're in this together…whatever comes our way…we're in this together."

"Derek, I know, I could be pregnant, but if I'm not, or what if I am…and there's something wrong. I'm scared of that Derek, because, my symptoms…if I am, they're not good…there could be something really wrong."

"If you're not, we deal with what's going on. Either way, we have to find out what's going on."

"And…if there's something wrong…and it it's something else…and I can't… can't give you the family you want…what do we do then," she said her voice filled with anguish.

"I already told you, you…we are going to be fine."

"I'm going to believe you… I need to."

"I'll be here, always, to love you always, and we will get through whatever we need to."

"Derek, you really don't mind do you?"

"Mind?"

"This unexpected possibility…this maybe baby…"

"My heart is leaping with joy at the mere idea…the slight chance…we've created a baby."

"Me too, Derek…"

"So…we find out today…"

"We will."

"Meredith, I love you, not matter what, I love you."

"I love you too."

"You have no idea what hearing those words mean," he voiced with emotion.

"Oh, but I do, because when I hear them…when I hear you say them…Derek, my world stops…and all feels safe and perfect."


	69. Chapter 69

**Ch 68 - Trust… Betrayed?**

They lay side by side merely inches away from each other, gazes locked, hands lovingly entwined, neither willing to end the intimacy of the moment.

"I'll do all I can, to always keep you safe," he murmured softly as he reached to gather her in his arms, and she laid her head contentedly on his chest.

"I love you so much, Derek, and I've been holding those feelings inside for so long," she said and snuggled closer, enjoying the gentleness of his caresses.

"I don't really deserve you…you've…Meredith, to hear you say those words, I can't tell you how much it means, he paused, "my heart is bursting with gratitude…because, I…

I…. didn't think I'd hear those words…that I could earn your trust, for a long while," he sniffed, and felt a tear gather at the corner of his eyes.

"Derek, are you crying," she asked softly, easing away from his embrace, and searching for his eyes.

"I love you Meredith," he said unable to contain his emotion, "and today, the possibilities…just a bit overwhelming."

"Oh, Derek…you can't do that…you'll have me crying all over you," she said as tears gathered in her eyes as well.

"Guess, we're both just cry babies," he teased.

"I'd say, we're both entitled…to be a bit sentimental."

"Yes…yes, we are," he said bringing his lips softly to hers, kissing her gently, tenderly conveying all the hope he has for them in that simple true love's kiss.

The knock on the door startled them, followed by the vibration of his pager on the nightstand.

"Meredith, Dr. Shepherd," they heard George's voice, "uh...sorry to bother you…but it's really late…Mer…you need to leave in thirty minutes or you're going to be late."

"Oh, my God, Derek, that means you're late, your surgery was scheduled in the next few minutes."

"I guess it does."

"Derek," she said and started to get out of bed, "you're late, you're never late."

"That's right, I'm never late, so if I'm late today, that's fine."

"Are you crazy, you can't just be late for surgery."

"Meredith, surgeons are notoriously late for surgery."

"But…you're not, you always talk about that…"

"Yes," he said, and walked to stand next to her, "but today, I am, and I would not have traded this time with you for anything in the world."

"Neither would I…even at the risk of Bailey's wrath."

"Our priorities…Meredith…from now on, it's you and me…this…this morning was about our future, where we're heading…that was more important than anything else today."

"Ok," she said and leaned up to kiss him.

"What?"

"What…what do you mean," she asked biting her lower lip gently.

"What are you thinking?"

"You can't know I'm thinking something."

"Yes, I can, so…tell me."

"Derek," she said shifting a bit from one foot to the other and nervously fidgeting with her hands.

He smiled, "you have that same look."

"What look?"

"Like the day you said you didn't want me to date other people."

"Oh…yes, well, I'm nervous as hell, Derek…but excited too."

"I like the excited a bit more…"

"Derek, I mean… can you believe it…me…in just a week's time…Derek…100 steps…and now, I'm here…and thinking…well maybe… maybe…we're having a baby…and I'm excited…and scared…but more excited…and, it's…it's really big, Derek… this is so big…and I'm ok…I'm not running the other way…and never thought possible…I'd be excited about being a mom…Derek…a mom…"

"Did you even breath…" he laughed.

"Probably…or I'd have passed out for lack of oxygen," she teased, and they both laughed.

"We're going to be ok, Meredith, it's all going to be ok."

"But Derek…can you imagine," she said and laid her hand on his chest just over his heart and looking into his eyes, "me…a mom…"

"Yes, I can…"

"You can…" she whispered.

"Yes."

"Oh, Derek, you're so late, you have to go…"

"I will…in a minute," he said and held her close, and murmured, " I can imagine you being a wonderful mom…and if you are pregnant, I can't wait till we can start to see our baby growing…and feel our baby…I can't wait to place my hand on you and feel our baby kick."

"You, are so unfair," she whispered, "to say things that you know are going to make me cry."

"They're happy tears…today… they've been happy tears for us both."

"Yes, they have been," she said while pulling away to look in his eyes, "today has been all about happy expectations, and Derek, you're going to be a wonderful dad."

"You think," he said, emotion deeply engraved in his voice.

"I know so."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"See," he said, and placed his hand over hers still on his chest, "can you feel what hearing you say that does to my heart.?"

"It beats just a bit faster," she smiled, "just as mine does," and gave him one last kiss.

"Now, I really have to go," he said, "I'll see you after surgery."

He walked over to get his briefcase, while Meredith turned around quickly and said, "Derek, before I forget…" she started to say, as she felt the dizziness followed by severe cramping.

He heard her sharp of intake of breath first, and when he looked over saw she had gone considerably pale, and was at her side instantly, reaching out to steady her.

"Meredith, tell me, what's wrong."

She took a deep breath, "need to sit down."

He led her to the bed and sat next to her. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know…it's been like this…the cramping…dizziness….but that was bad…"

"Lay down."

She didn't argue with him, which concerned him more.

"Is the dizziness gone?"

"Yes."

"How about cramping?"

"It's better…it's like…I guess very bad PMS…but I've never really had that."

He sat holding her hand, leaning to kiss her forehead. "Maybe you need to stay home today."

"Derek, no, it's happened before, the dizziness…it goes away."

"Let me call the hospital."

"No, I'm fine.'

"Ok, you're fine. But, now I'm really going to be late, and need to let them know."

"Derek, just go…I'm going to be fine."

He reached for his cell phone and called the hospital, letting them know he'd had an emergency and to rescheduled his surgery for an hour later.

"Now, tell me, how long has this been going on?"

"You're not my doctor," she teased.

"No," he said seriously, "but I am the man who loves you, and very possibly the father of your child."

"Very possibly…" she said raising an eyebrow.

"You know what I mean…our maybe baby."

She tried to sit up, and he stopped her.

"Derek, it's ok, I need to sit up," and he helped her.

"Better?"

"Yes. But…"she paused and reached for his hand, "what just happened…it…it scares me…because it's happened before."

"I'm taking you with me, now, and we're getting your blood work done."

"You are already late, and need to go, I'm fi…ok."

"Meredith, I'm not…"

"Derek, look at me."

He did, and the look in her eyes frightened him, because it mirrored his own unspoken fears.

"Tell me why you're scared."

"We…we both did the same research…and we both talked …Derek, we talked about…different possibilities…all except one."

"We skipped…you being pregnant."

"Yes, until this morning, and now, Derek…we're…we're both dancing around it."

"What…what do you mean," he said, already knowing the answer.

"Derek, if all of this…all these symptoms…mean that I'm pregnant…" she paused, and he could see the tears in her eyes, "you know…we both know…there could be something wrong…the cramping….it's not a good sign."

"I know," he said, gently squeezing her hand for reassurance.

"Hold me," she whispered.

"As long as you want…whenever you want," he said gathering her close, and letting her cry.

"I'm ok now, " she said after several minutes, "you should go."

"I'm not leaving you."

"Derek, I've been like this for a week, and maybe…maybe it's just the way it is for me."

"What are you talking about?"

"Today, remember, when we found out Lisette was pregnant."

"Meredith, what does that have to do with you?"

"Well, later, I was there when she had a dizzy spell, and I helped her to the back office, and we talked, and you know she told me both her pregnancies had been the same, where she had her period for the first couple of months, and she had a perfectly healthy little girl, and now another baby on the way…so maybe…that's all it is, and I may not be pregnant at all."

"Who are you trying to convince?"

"Both of us."

"That's progress…my girl talks."

"Your girl?"

"Wrong choice of words…" he teased.

"It's ok…as long as you never repeat that in front of anyone."

"Let's see if you can get up…and you're ok," he said extending a hand towards her.

"See, I'm fine."

"Still, drive in to work with me."

"I'm not ready yet, and you have to go, I'll have George drive, will that make you feel better?"

"I'm going to talk to him."

"No, I'll ask him, I promise, I won't drive. I'll tell him I have to read up on something, and want to do it on the way to the hospital."

"Ok. I'll see you in a couple of hours," he said hugging her one last time, "I love you."

"I love you too," and watched him walk out of her bedroom, and immediately tried to dismiss the feeling that things were about to change drastically between them.

Derek's surgery had unforeseen complications that soon turned to almost five hours, pleased that the patient would make a full recovery, but frustrated that Meredith was in surgery, which he'd soon found out after his page went unanswered.

"Shep, what has you mad at the world?"

"What are you talking about?"

"You looked, like you wanted to hit that surgical board."

"Maybe I did," he laughed, "Meredith and I were meeting up, and she's tied up in surgery."

"I'll be damned, the GS on-call rooms are back on."

"I'll never tell."

"Shep, you're better off keeping your mouth shut. You see, that comment right there, you just gave it away."

"Gave what away?"

"You and Grey…no sex yet."

"You don't know what you're talking about."

"Like hell I don't…I can read you like a book, there's been no sex."

"Mark, it's not always about the sex."

"That's crap, what else is there …"

"The anticipation….Mark, that's even better sometimes."

"Yeah, well, you'd know about that... I certainly don't"

"There's no argument from me. Man, I'd like to see you fall."

"Fall?"

"Hook, line and sinker…whipped…"

"Never happen."

"Oh…how the mighty will fall."

"Don't bet on it."

"Oh believe me, I will."

"Shit friend, wishing the plague upon me."

"You have no idea, how I'm going to enjoy your fall."

"Not as much as I am, watching you die of anticipation," Mark laughed.

"Let me break it to you, but you can ask Meredith, according to her, McDreamy is officially back.

"Shep, did you just really say that…McDreamy is…"

"Oh shut up."

"By the way, Shep, tonight, we're meeting at Joe's, you and Grey need to join us."

"Not sure Mark, Meredith and I have plans."

"You have to, it's the bet with the Fab4, their treat …and you and Grey really need to be there…also celebrating the Fab4's newest addition and my perfect record."

"I'll talk to Meredith."

"Whipped."

"Best feeling in the world."

"You're an embarrassment, Shep…" he said slapping him on the back, "all kidding aside, I'm happy for you…that you guys seem to have worked things out."

"Thanks Mark."

"Anytime…just remember…bestman…and godfather…"

"Meredith will have to decide, whenever that time comes…you'll have to be in her good graces."

Their schedules were just not meant to be coordinated that day, and to both their frustration, were never able to meet up for Derek to draw her blood. Almost at the end of his shift, he sent her a text message.

-hey, are you around

-post op critical patient and surgery in 15 min

-what a day

-frustrating

-tomorrow

-yes

-mark wants us to meet up at joe's

-why

-fab4 bet, baby celebration

-WHAT?

-not us Lisette

-heart attack

-bit dramatic

-perhaps

-so, joe's

-when

-7

-ok

-love you

-love you too

-bye

-bye

Derek sat at Joe's uneasy that Meredith was not there.

"Dr. Shepherd, it's so nice that you joined us, it wouldn't feel right if you weren't here"

"Amy Lynn, how could I miss out on joining the celebration."

"From the looks of it," Steph quipped, "we've lost Lisette and hubby."

"Oh, I get the feeling we haven't lost them at all," look over in that corner.

"Guess your right Tracy, two love birds if ever I saw any," Amy Lynn snickered, "no doubt why there's a new baby on the way."

The group of "bet makers" had all found a way to sit in each other's proximity and one in particular was determined to tease Derek about his comment that Meredith said McDreamy was back, and had spread the word to the closest friends.

"Dr. Shepherd, isn't Meredith joining us?"

"Hey Lex, yes, she should have been here already, I've left her a message," he said, just as he saw her number flash on the screen.

"Hey, I'm sorry, I got tied up."

"I was worried, are you ok?"

"Yes, I'll be there in about 10 minutes."

At the opposite end of the room sat another group of co-workers, amongst them, a dark haired nurse none too pleased with Derek Shepherd, and compensating her anger with alcohol. The look of contempt sent in Derek's direction was lost on most of his friends.

Meredith walked in to Joe's her eyes searching only for him, similarly he immediately saw her after the umpteenth time of looking towards the door at the chime of the bell.

"Hey," she said, "sorry I'm late," and leaned to kiss him softly, a smile on her face.

"I was worried about you," he said, and they ahd all d

"I'm ok."

"What delayed you?"

"Unexpected errand."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…"

"What is it with you too, Meredith, you're acting like a school girl."

"Lexie, give Cristina a dose of pills."

"What pills Grey?"

"Ah…Dr. Sloan, that's not really…"

"Save it Yang, this we've got to hear."

Meredith and Derek were oblivious to all around them, and continued their light banter.

"Meredith…keeping secrets?"

"Secrets aren't always bad you know…"

"You're enjoying this aren't you…"

"Aren't you?"

He laughed, "so you admit you have a secret?"

"Nope…only that some secrets aren't bad…"

"Tease…"

"But you love me."

"I do."

"Tomorrow," he stated.

"Tomorrow," she said. "I love you too."

"Ok, break it up you two, Cristina commented, "Dr. Sloan, what's this about the McDreamy bet being over?"

"Perfect timing…Lisette, glad you could join us again," he teased.

"Honey, don't mind Dr. Sloan, he's always the center of attention."

Think we can all vouch for that," Tracy commented and smiled at him.

"Tracy…uhmm…. I could tell stories…"

"Go ahead," she challenged.

"Just you wait."

"I can take it…you know I can."

"Let me quit while I'm ahead."

"That, seems to be an excellent idea Mark," Derek commented with a smirk.

"Shep, I'd keep a low profile if I were you."

"Dr..uh, Mark…stop teasing him, or I won't support your candidacy," Meredith laughed.

"Grey, you promised…bestman…and…" he stopped, and looked at her and started to speak, but changed his mind, and simply smiled.

"Derek will have to decide."

"That's what he said, that you'd decide."

"Dr. Sloan, Lisette needs to get home to her daughter, plus she needs a good night sleep, so let's make our toast."

"Ok…as you all know, bets are a most entertaining form of speculation at Seattle Grace, and I'm happy to have won this one, and especially that I have the Fab4 not United Against Mark Sloan…but actually a fabulous group of nurses, admitting defeat of their bet."

"Mark, that is not…"

"Tracy, you are too impatient…"

"Really," she challenged and winked at him.

"Ok, now, the real reason we're here, they didn't believe me when I told them Lisette was pregnant, especially Lisette," he said and they all laughed, " and even how far along she was, so here we are, celebrating the news of her new baby, congratulations to you both," he said raising his glass, and all joined in the toast.

Meredith and Derek reached for each other's hand under the table and gently squeezed, before looking at each other and smiling, and the small detail did not go undetected by Mark, who had already determined he had another bet to win.

"Thank you Dr. Sloan, you really shocked the heck out of me, but I can tell you, that we are both absolutely thrilled you maintain your perfect record," Lisette told him.

"It's my pleasure…and I'm willing to bet…well let's just say," he looked at Meredith, and she lowered her gaze, "I'm contemplating making another bet…what do you say Amy Lynn, I get the feeling…"

"Oh my God, bite your tongue," she said and all laughed, none aware of his intentional diversion.

"Dr. Sloan, clear up the other bet now."

"Sure thing Karev, that one actually has a bit of money riding on it."

Everyone was dying of curiosity except Meredith and Derek, and didn't catch on they were the center of attention. Izzie, Alex and George had been fairly quiet, but this outcome they all were curious about.

"Anyway, I have it on good authority that McDreamy is back," he said, letting the words hang in the air.

"Mark, what the hell are you doing?"

"Relax Shep, it's all about speculation… or is it anticipation?"

"Dude, fess up, tell us already."

Lexie looked at her sister and saw the satisfied look on her face and smiled, while Cristina's reaction was quite the opposite, "Mer, I can't believe you caved, he treats you like crap…kisses another woman and you caved, in what 3 days."

Murmurs of "Dr. Yang and Cristina," echoed from several sitting nearby.

"Don't worry about it," Meredith interrupted, "we all know Cristina prefers to look at the negative in this."

"Dr. Sloan, you said you had it on good authority, who said that?"

"It seems that what McDreamy himself think…"

"You are a dead man."

"Yeah, well, you said it…"

"Derek, it's ok, tell you what, Mark, maybe… just maybe by the end of the evening, I'll give you the answer you're looking for."

"Shep, she has more sense of humor than you. That's all we went Grey….we actually won't be unhappy to put this bet to rest."

"Let me think about it."

"You do that Grey, meanwhile, next round's on me…in anticipation…let's say," and looked over to Derek and roared laughing, and his friend couldn't help but smile, and shake his head, while Mark raised his glass to him.

Derek had slipped his hand around Meredith's waist and she had snuggled closer, and without regard to those around her rested her head against his shoulder.

"I missed you today," he whispered, "didn't get to see you at all."

"It was sort of crazy."

"Do you want something to eat?"

"Yes, order me a burger, a cheeseburger and fries, oh, and bacon, I'll be right back, have to go to the ladies room."

"What do you want to drink?"

"Sparkling water and lemon."

"Your reputation Meredith…"

"Shot to hell," she laughed, "I'll be right back," she said, kissing him softly before getting up.

"Everyone, I get the feeling this bet is over…"

"Tracy, I get the feeling you are right," Mark laughed.

No sooner had Meredith left, when several in the group looked up and saw the dark haired nurse approach the table.

"Well, well, if it isn't Dr. McDreamy…all over his precious Meredith Grey…" Rose said slurring her words a bit as she came to stand by Derek.

"Rose," he said, getting up. "you are drunk, and this is certainly unbecoming"

"Listen to that, unbecoming, I'm unbecoming… what about her behavior, that slut's behavior all over the hospital…at least I haven't slept around with…"

Derek stopped her, grabbing hold of her upper arm, "listen to me," he said dangerously low, "you will not ever speak about her again, you will not mention her name, you will not breath in the same space where she is at."

"Let go of me, you think you can just pretend nothing happened between us…"

Mark got up, "Derek, let me handle this," and started to pull her aside.

"Don't you dare touch me, either of you, and you, Dr. Whore, you better not lay a hand on me again, or I'll have a sexual harassment complaint filed so fast, you won't know…"

Derek had heard enough, "Mark, keep Meredith away, I don't want her to hear any of this."

There weren't many patrons that did not hear the commotion, including Joe, and he'd made his way towards the bathrooms, hoping to intercept Meredith, Lexie had the same idea, and decided to go and try to delay her sister.

The rest of the immediate group was for the most part flabbergasted, and not saying much.

"Derek, it's no use, she's going to find out."

"She doesn't have to, just give me couple of minutes. I've got a few things to say to this bitch and getting her in a cab out of here."

"Don't you dare call me a bitch."

"You're right, you're a vicious conniving lying bitch," he said and grabbed her by her arm and walked her out of Joe's in search of a cab, praying he had prevented subjecting Meredith to any further venom form this woman.

Oblivious to everything that had transpired, Meredith returned to the table and sat down, "where's Derek?"

"He walked out with Rose," Cristina stated, most likely, unaware of the repercussions here fateful statement would have.

Meredith spun her head around, "he did what?"

"That nurse, she came over to the table and he walked her outside."

"Cristina…Yang…" echoed a chorus.

"Dr. Grey, it wasn't like that."

"Dude, that was a robot like thing to say.

"Cristina, how could you," Izzie said.

"Yang, become human," Mark spat out with contempt.

"Meredith, it wasn't like that," she heard Lexie and Mark talking to her, but she was lost in her own private hell, he'd promised, and now he'd walked out with her, in front of everyone.

Lexie saw her face had gone white and she gripped the edge of the table her tearing up and a look of deep betrayal replacing the earlier happiness she has noticed in her eyes.

Meredith got up suddenly and reached for her bag, and before anyone could stop her ran towards the door.

Mark quickly followed, but nothing could o prevent the scene about to unfold.

Meredith ran up the stairs and all she saw was Derek as he argued with the woman, and then grabbed her upper arm and forced her to get in the cab, then he glanced up and saw her running to her car.

"Meredith…" he ran after her, but she'd already opened the door and started the engine, started the engine, and his attempt failed at opening the already locked door. She did however lower her window.

"You, have hurt me for the last time," she said, the iciness in her voice paralyzing him. He had never seen that empty look in her eyes, and knew that the progress they had made, the happiness they had shared in the last twenty four hours, the trust recently rebuilt, all had been destroyed in a few seconds time.

She barely got the words out, when she slammed on the gas and drove out of the parking lot.

"Why the hell did you let her come out here?"

"I couldn't stop her."

"Did you even try," he yelled as he rushed to get to his car, Mark following close behind, "I ask you to keep her out of this, and you can't even do that," he accused, and got in his car to follow her home.

_AN – I have avoided getting to the last page of this update, because I know what's going to develop next. However I want you to know, and I have said this before, this story has always been about Meredith & Derek rediscovering each other, rebuilding their trust, and in spite of their trials, they find their way back to each other in a nurturing, loving and committed relationship. This next chapter, is also where the idea of this story began, but it could not begin there without telling you all that you've read thus far. So, I plotted the story starting with the next chapter and a few that follow, and then began writing chapter one. The next few chapters are a bit of a rollercoaster of emotions, but, in a short period of time (maybe 5-6 chapters) there will be no doubts that Meredith and Derek are emotionally committed to each other for a lifetime. That dream they refer to, is in essence their story. _


	70. Chapter 70

Dear readers & most especially every single one of you that so graciously takes the time to leave a comment

Dear readers & most especially every single one of you that so graciously takes the time to leave a comment.

I had absolutely no intention to leave where we did on the last chapter and not post another one by tonight, but...things happen. In particular, daily responsibilities, to which I am absolutely committed and cannot shortchange, just as do not want to shortchange the time devoted to the next chapter.

Some of you may know, April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month, and that is what I do, work for an organization whose trademarked slogan is:

"There's NO Excuse for child abuse!" ™

We spearhead the Blue Ribbon Campaign in our city, and have seminars almost every day this month, and this particular week, as often as twice per day, including TV and radio appearances to speak on the subject, and not getting home till very late each night. This is my passion, the ability to get that message out there, that there is NO Excuse for this, and that one day hopefully, organizations as the one I work with will cease to exist.

It's for this reason, it's almost impossible to devote the proper time to get the next chapter to the point I feel is worth posting. It is a pivotal moment in their relationship, the entire reason I started writing this story is for Meredith to utter one sentence that will set the course in motion for Derek to realize many things.

I absolutely love writing this story, and delighted so many of you are along for the ride, but this next chapter deserves a lot of my time, and I can't do it properly until the end of the week. It's a bumpy ride, one hell of an emotional rollercoaster for them the next week of their lives, but what follows is their absolute commitment to each other, no more doubts, no more questions, only the realization that the love they feel for each other is going to get them through everything and anything that comes their way for the rest of their life.

I was blessed in my life, never imagining the horrible tragedy of abuse, until a friend's children were abused by their father. From that moment on, you cannot turn back. I hope none of you reading will ever have to face a situation like that. All kids are our kids, learn about this, learn how to keep them safe.


	71. Chapter 71

CH 10

_I'm hangin' on another day_

_Just to see what you will throw my way_

_And I'm hangin' on to the words you say _

_You said that I will be ok_

Ch – 69 "I love you…"

Derek drove at break-neck speed, and though he was only a couple of minutes at most behind her, she'd driven faster and had already made her way indoors when he arrived at her house.

Without wasting time, he rushed to the front door and did not hesitate to use his key and run up the stairs. He stood in front of her door, this time hesitating a few seconds before placing his hand on the doorknob, afraid she might have locked it, accurately guessing that he would follow her. Turning it slowly, he breathed easier when the door opened.

He saw her immediately, sitting on the chair by the window, her body rigid, except for the gentle soothing motion of her fingers, as though she were caressing the small piece of unidentifiable white material held in her hands.

She looked up, averting his gaze, staring beyond him, and stopped her motion, placing whatever she was holding inside the bag that had been on her lap.

He approached her, crouching in front of her, "Meredith..."

She refused to look at him, keeping her gazed fixed on the wall.

"Meredith," he said softly, "please let me explain," and saw the involuntary shudder, and reached for her hands, only to have her remove them from his grasp as though she'd been burned.

"Don't touch me."

"Meredith," he insisted, "I'm not going to walk away."

"I don't care what you do."

"Yes, you do, or you would not have left."

"Don't kid yourself Derek. I already told you. You will not have the chance to hurt me again."

"I am not going to hurt you again."

"We agree, you will not have the chance. Please leave."

"I'm not leaving, Meredith, we agreed."

"What did we agree to, Derek, just what was that?"

"Meredith, please…we agreed we would not push each other away… that we wouldn't let that happen."

"Time ran out Derek…I told you, if anything else happened with that woman, we were over."

"Nothing happened. I know you don't mean that, Meredith not after all we've shared the last few days."

"But I do," she paused, and he could see her fighting back tears, "especially because of that. It's over Derek, this thing between us. It's over."

He wanted her to rant and rave, to yell at him and call him names, anything but the monotone and the impenetrable wall of steel again. But this time, it scared him, because the distancing he could see in her eyes, the cold empty look, the detachment in her voice were similar to that fateful morning of the day she drowned.

"If you think," he said softly, repositioning himself in the uncomfortable crouching position in front of her, "for one minute, that I'm going to let you throw it all away, what we've shared over the last few days, then you don't know me…you don't know how much I am willing to do not to lose you."

"That's where you're wrong. I already know the answer to that…and obviously it's not much. You managed to find the perfect way to end this and feel free to pursue your nurse, and I guess you called my bluff again."

He was incredulous, but knew it may be best to think carefully before responding.

"Meredith, nothing happened, I have no interest in her, I was only trying to protect you."

"Protect me," she said sarcastically, "you seriously expect me to believe that."

"I do because it's the truth, and you… we have to start trusting each other."

"Trust…" she said coldy at first, "trust…" she said again, her words becoming angrier, "trust…." she said looking him straight in the eyes, "you have the unmitigated gall to talk to me about trust…"

"Yes. Yes, I do, because until we start trusting each other..."

"Don't…" she said, and the chill in her voice made him flinch, "don't, ever speak to me of trust again…you…you have tested every ounce of trust I have ever allowed myself to feel…you have lied to me and walked away from me, and still I have trusted you, which you always conveniently forget…you…" she said, pushing him away, almost knocking him on the floor and getting up, walking away then turning around with fire in her yes.

"Meredith…please, don't make yourself upset…think of…"

"Think of what Derek…" she said, having regained a sense of outrage, "what is there that could be so important for me to think about… now..."

He was trying to be being patient, accepting she was upset and as it always seemed to happen, he had apparently been quite stupid in trying to keep something from her, even if his intention had been to spare her any embarrassment. But, he could see the wheels turning and didn't like the tone or implication of her last statement, because they both knew they were talking about the possibility that she was pregnant.

"Please, Meredith, please don't say anything we will regret…"

"My only regret is trusting you…over and over again, I seem to be stupid enough to fall for your lies every time…" her voice was getting stronger and louder, "your meaningless words, always followed by a but….yes, Derek, that's what you do…damn you…all your promises are always followed by a but…and I'm through with it, it's over…I don't want any part of you…none at all…it's over…and I want you out of my life…you got what you wanted…"

"Meredith…I know you're upset…but I also know you don't mean any of that…"

"Do you…do you know I don't mean that…well, then as you said, you don't know me very well either, because I mean every word of it Derek, every single word…you accuse me of everything being my fault for where we are… of not trusting you…but it's not true…I have…I believed in you…and you always manage to make me regret it… did you conveniently forget when you told me you didn't know what you'd do if you found someone else…well, I guess now you do…because tonight you managed to make everything between us meaningless and… "

.

He reached out to her, "I know you're angry, and I understand," he said placing his hand on her arm, "but, do not…do not make light of what we have shared together…of what could possibly be our future…"

She laughed, "funny, you should think of that now…is that what you were thinking about…us…our future…when you chose to walk out with her…"

"Meredith, don't do this…I love you…you know I do…"

"You love me…right…that's why you did exactly what I asked you not to do…why Derek, why would you do that…I walk away three minutes and you're gone… tonight in front of everyone, Derek…" she broke down, "you…in front of everyone….choosing her again…"

"I did not… Meredith, I did not, you can ask…"

"It doesn't matter," again her mood changing, and sounding dejected, "you walked out with her, it's what everyone saw…poor pathetic Meredith Grey, kissing you, being happy and she turns her back…and there you are… walking out with her…"

"Meredith, she was making a scene…I was trying to protect you…"

"I don't care…you should have been there…been there when I came back to the table, instead you walked out with her and had your arm around her… and you promised…you promised that would never happen again…that I'd never be made to feel like I did…but you never think of me first…"

"I was thinking of you first…I was wrong…but…I wanted to…"

She took a deep breath, and continued almost inaudibly, "you asked me for a lifetime, and told me you'd wait for me…you wanted a lifetime… but I wasn't worth waiting for…I wasn't good enough… twice…" she whispered, "twice, you chose someone else over me, and now…Derek…today, of all days…you didn't think of me…us… first…"

He reached out to hold her, but she rejected his touch.

"Every time…every time I take a chance…and open my heart to you…you hurt me…and I can't…I can't do it anymore…and I really want to hate you…I do…but… I love you…I do…I must…must love you so much…because the way I feel… the way I felt…when I saw you with your arms around her…" she paused…and he saw her choke back tears, "it all came back…all my doubts and fears…knowing… I came back… for you…. Derek, I came back for you… and then you moved on…you didn't wait for me…I wasn't good enough for you to wait… and he… he.. said… you believed in soul mates... and I believed him… I believed him…that you… you… were my soul mate… but now… now… I wish I had not come back… because… what I feel now… is surely worse than dying…because… then… I was already gone… but now… especially now… each time I think of you, each time I see you…and I think you have doubts…maybe you want someone else…maybe I'm…we…I'm not enough…it's like dying a little bit at a time…and maybe…it was better…it would have been better…"

He was stunned. What had he done… she can't mean what she's saying… she can't wish she had died. His worst fears were materializing in front of him. He had made yet another wrong choice, and she was now bringing up the drowning, something she'd only brought up once, and it scared the hell out of him, because he had a bad feeling, a very bad feeling that things had just began a course that could not be diverted.

"Meredith…you can't…you can't mean that…"

"I can't bear the thought of you…. you …you've kissed her…your lips have been on hers… you wanted to kiss her, maybe it's your doubts …doubts about what you want…that you want to touch her…and kiss her and make love to her the way you've made love to me…dark and twisty Meredith isn't what you want…and tonight…you walked out…and touched her…and I don't care why…but you touched her, just as you touch me…everything between us…Derek…you sullied that…this morning Derek…you …we…we had hope…and plans…we had plans…"

"We still have plans…and I don't feel any of those things, I love you…I love only you… and you are forgetting…we may very well have more than just you and me to think about," he tried to incorporate gently, not wanting to upset her further in her current emotional state.

"That doesn't matter…not anymore…"

"Meredith…you don't mean that…it's….it would be our baby…"

"Don't worry about it, it's not a concern…not anymore…"

"What exactly does that mean,?"

"That it isn't your concern…not anymore... we…if there's a we…we won't be your concern much longer."

"Meredith," he attempted to reach out for her again, "we promised each other…we would work things out…we would talk to each other…you need to let me explain, tonight, the only reason…"

"Our last kiss…Derek…this morning…all of it…it just feels like a lie…and it hurts…and I know maybe I'm irrational…I do…but the pain…it's still there…and the betrayal, the slap in the face, yes, it feels that way…you touching her…I can't…I don't want to feel that anymore."

"I'm not …I'm not going to let you dismiss me…we love each other…"

"This thing between us is over. Please, leave."

"I'm not leaving…I'm not letting you push me away, we're going to work through this…I'm not giving up on our future together…I know you don't…"

"You are leaving, because I don't want to be with you now…not anymore."

"Meredith…please…"

"Don't make me regret any more…don't make truly remember …that...sometimes I wish I had joined my mother."

"You don't…you don't…mean that…" he said in desperation and horrified at the way her thoughts had turned.

"I do…mean that…all I've had in my life…since thhen…it's pain and doubts…and what was it all worth coming back for?"

"No…no… please not that, don't tell me that…I'll walk away, I will… I won't ever bother you again. But please," he pleaded, tears in his eyes, " Meredith…you need to be ok…tell me you're …you're not…you're not thinking…"

"Don't worry," she interrupted… "I'm not diving into Puget Sound…"

He felt as though he'd been slapped, whereas they'd never discussed her drowning, now she spoke of it in such a callous way, he feared for her emotional state, but knew he could not push her, it was likely due to her highly hormonal state, but nonetheless, all she had said was great cause for concern. Worse of all, she had made it clear he was not needed or wanted.

"Don't even joke…"

"Who says I've been joking."

"Meredith, I'm walking away…I am….I'll leave you alone…I won't ever bother you again…if that's what you want…. I will ,but please…I need to know…I need to know you're going to be ok…you…you need to promise me that…Meredith…I know you love me…I do…and I know we haven't managed to end tonight as we expected…but, promise me you're going to be all right…we…we…" he paused, and she heard the broken sob, "we may be having a baby…or not…"

"You don't have to worry about that anymore…"

"Yes…I do…I worry about you…about you both…if there is…you have to take care of yourself…I'll stay away, if that's what you need… but my life…knowing you are not in my life…it's just an empty shell, but…I won't push you…I'll wait…I'll wait till you tell me when it's ok to walk back in…because I'm not giving up…I'm giving you a little time…and I promise you… every promise I've ever made…I promise you again now, and I'll do everything I can… spend the rest of my life…trying not to ever let you down."

"I can't…not now…please leave."

It was probably fair to say, both the conversation and emotions each had expressed were totally irrational, and each was hiding between a wall of need, a desperate need for each other, for the right word, the right touch, the right combination of hearts open to one another. But, all had gone wrong, in this communication nothing had gone right, in spite of the deep rooted feelings each had for the other, they had failed to communicate the truth of their hearts, and each would spend the night in silent suffering, unable to understand where it had all gone so wrong.

He dialed a familiar number. "Sloan."

"Mark, is Lexie still there?"

"Shep, what the hell is wrong," he asked, immediately understanding something was. "Did you talk to her?"

"Yes. It's not good, not right now. I need to talk to Lexie, I need for her to come stay with her."

"Are you sure? Not…Yang?"

"No, I'm sure. Is she still there, I don't have her cell, I need to talk to her."

"Yes, hang on," he said and pulled Lexie to the side, handing her his phone.

Derek Shepherd was a broken man. He sat in silence in his car, waiting for Lexie to arrive, holding it all together until the moment he could just break down.

Lexie arrived shortly, and walked over to him, where he was now standing, leaning against his car.

"Derek, what's wrong, what happened, didn't you talk to her?"

"I did, she won't listen, she doesn't want to hear anything I have to say."

"I'll talk to her."

"No, it's ok. Listen, Lexie, she needs you tonight, we…we had a conversation that did not go very well, and she can't be alone, I don't want her to be alone."

"You're just walking away," she challenged, "I thought the two of you had managed to get past the miscommunication…"

"Not tonight. No, I'm not walking away, it's what she wants, I'm giving her what she wants."

"You give up easily Derek…why aren't you fighting for this?"

"I'm not giving up, but right now, I can't push her, she's fragile Lexie, and vulnerable, and I'm worried about her health?"

"What's wrong, what did you find out?"

"Nothing…nothing yet, but I'm worried about her, right now more about her emotional state."

"Derek, are you suggesting…"

"Just be there for her tonight…please."

"You promise me, you're not giving up?"

"I'm just giving her time."

"Derek," she said, witnessing the deep sadness in his eyes, "I'm sorry."

"She needs you, go on."

"I'm sure… I know it will all work out."

"Thanks…but, I'm not so sure this time."

"It will Derek… I know it will."

"Thank you," he said and kissed her cheek, "she's lucky to have you."

"You're lucky to have each other. Everything I'm sure will be different in the morning."

"Lexie, if she'll listen…just tell her…tell her, I love her…that I'm going to wait."

She walked in the house and went to knock slightly on Meredith's door, and at hearing no response, this time walked in without waiting.

Her sister was in bed, curled up crying, and she went to sit by her.

"Meredith," she said, "how can I help?"

Meredith continued to cry, and though she did not answer, Lexie noticed that she placed whatever she was holding quickly under the covers.

"Meredith, do you want to talk about it?"

"He called you?"

"He did."

"And you came."

"I'm your sister, of course I came."

"So I hear…that's what sisters do."

"It is, they also talk to each other"

"I'm not ready to talk."

"Ok, but I'm here, " she said and reached for her hand, and she sat quietly, holding Meredith's hand as she continued to cry.

"Can I talk?"

Meredith hiccupped and shrugged.

"Mer, why did you walk out? You don't have to answer…but, didn't you talk, didn't he explain what happened?"

She shook her head.

"Don't you think you should have listened?"

"Yes."

"Would you like me to tell me what happened, from your point of view?"

"No."

"Are you going to utter more than a syllable tonight?"

"Maybe."

They both laughed, but Meredith broke down, "Oh, Lex, what have I done, I was totally irrational, yes, you can say it…you've been telling me…and tonight, I was…I don't know what came over me…honestly I don't… but I was so mean…so mean…Lexie, and I said some awful things…things I didn't mean…"

"Ok."

"I need more that that…Lex…rambling would be good now."

"What are you going to do about it?"

"I'm going to call him, and tell him I'm sorry…Lexie I was so mean…and all I wanted was to …oh Lex, I know… I was so irrational…and Derek…he tried so hard…and I'm such a mess…"

"Yes, well, we all have a theory on that…."

"Well, you're not always right…"

"I think I am…" she smiled.

"I need to call him."

"You do that…and oh, he said to tell you, if you'd listen, that he loves you, that he's going to wait."

"I love him too."

Derek Shepherd was indeed a broken man. He had driven away from her house and managed to get to the ferry, and then once boarded, he broke down. A thirty five minute passage of heartbreak and turmoil, and he knew he could no longer go on, not without facing his deepest fears.

Days ago, the night Meredith refused to see him and had attempted to give the plans back, he had many revelations, tonight magnified its gravity. Mistakenly and almost too late, he'd realized deep into the darkness of that night that the only way his life had meaning, the only way his dreams of the future made sense, was if he were to share it with Meredith.

Losing her, he had realized was indeed his greatest fear and agony, and he had similarly broken down and sobbed. He knew he would not survive if he were to lose her again, for it meant not only given up his dream, but giving up what he'd believed his entire life, that some day, he'd find his soul mate, and now that he had, if she was gone it would change who he was forever.

Tonight he relived his worst fears. He relived the night she drowned, and then as though a million sharp knives had been impaled in his heart, she'd said she might have preferred joining her mother.

The phone vibrated, indicating a call, but his anguish was such, he didn't even realize it, and it went to voice mail.

Upon docking, he began the drive home, the overwhelming agony leading him to the site where they'd shared their magical night, and he'd remembered each moment in detail and sobbed. Finally able to somewhat compose himself, he reached for the phone.

The dark haired woman was startled out of a sound sleep in the middle of the night, and lifting her head from the pillow reached to silence the shrill of the phone, answering groggily.

"I'm sorry it's so late," she heard, a broken voice transmitted on the phone.

She sits up immediately, greatly concerned, "no, it's ok, what's wrong?"

"I need you. Will you come?"

"As soon as I can get there…Derek, are you ok? Will you be ok, until I get there, do I need to call someone, do you have someone…that can be there for you?

"No, there's no one."

"What about Mark?"

"Not now. It's your help I need."

"I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Thank you. I love you."

"I love you too."

Another call had also taken place.

"Derek…please…call me back, I know you're angry…and I already left you a message, but please…I'm sorry, Derek, I really am…and you're right…I've been irrational, and tonight…."she cried, "I should have listened to you…and I'm sorry…I know you're mad…no, I take that back…I know I hurt you, and I'm so sorry…and I know you don't want to talk to me…probably… I was mean…and hateful…and I didn't mean those things…well, I did, when I said them, but not in my heart, Derek, please…call me… or if you don't want to talk to me…just text me…tell me you're home….that you're ok…please…"

She laid in her bed, snuggling to the pillow, and holding a small piece of clothing, a white wisp of nothing, close to her heart, and then she spoke softly.

"Oh baby, your mommy is in so much trouble right now…and she is so sorry.

She really messed up this time, and she is so sorry she hurt your daddy . Because I know…I know… he is very sad right now, he's sad that we fought and that your mommy said mean and hurtful things…and I'm so sad that I ruined our surprise…yours and mine…because your daddy would have been so happy tonight…so happy that you really are here," she said, tears softly falling as she laid her hand over abdomen, gently caressing it, "he would be here, touching and kissing my tummy and whispering to you how much he loves you."

She gently took the piece of clothing in her hands, laying back against the pillows, spreading it across her stomach, and running her hand over the four rows of light orange colored letters 'I love my daddy', staring back at her.

"He knows I hate surprises, but you know what, I never even thought of babies…till I met your daddy, and you are my most wonderful surprise…which I think really took your daddy by surprise today. But, he was going to get the biggest surprise of all tonight, if I had not been such a mess, I was going to prove him right, and he loves to be right, but instead, I acted all emotional…instead of talking to him. If anyone heard me, they'd probably think I'm crazy… talking to you…but, I don't care…because when I found out that you're really here, I felt bad…because we were going to find out together…you should know I'm not really good with needles, which is not really saying a lot of a doctor…but your daddy, he's ever so gentle with me and was going to draw my blood…but he was busy all day, and I was so excited, wanting to know about you…to know if you were going to really be a part of our lives…you're going to learn really early that your mommy rambles…a lot… and I couldn't wait to find out anymore, and then I couldn't wait to tell him…and I saw this…and thought what a nice way to tell him, giving him this…letting him know that you're really on your way."

"Baby Shepherd…this is your first official day," she said, "you can't see me, but I'm smiling…and happy…so happy…your mommy, not dark and twisty anymore, well I shouldn't tell you about that, those are not good words for you…and your daddy, when he finds out, he's going to be all worried and hovery and …I can't wait... he's going to think somebody took over your mommy's body."

She folded the baby onesie, and held it against her heart again. "I love you baby. Mommy and Daddy both love you very much."


	72. Chapter 72

_AN - Away on business & unable to print to edit, sorry for more than usual typos, hard to catch this way. _

**Ch 70 - Trust and forgiveness**

The dark haired woman turned into the waiting arms of the man beside her.

"What's wrong?"

"It was Derek. I'm going to Seattle."

"That was a very short conversation."

"There wasn't any need for it to be longer."

"Baby brother calls, and big sister is on the next flight out," he joked, holding her tighter in his embrace.

"I have never heard him sound like this, not even when all hell broke loose with him and Addison. I don't like the way he sounded."

"Kathleen, what exactly did he say?"

"Only that he needs me and would I come?"

"Doesn't sound like Derek, something must be very wrong for him to ask for help."

"I know, and hearing him, his voice, he's at the breaking point. Honey, you're ok with me going, aren't you?"

"What if I said no," he teased her.

"You wouldn't."

"I would not. You have to go. I'll take care of things here."

"I love you."

"I love you too. Now, the hard part of this, what are you going to tell your mother and sisters?"

"I'm not going to say anything to them, not until I know what's going on."

"Honey, you realize Shepherd women can't keep secrets from each other."

"If they ask, I had an unexpected trip come up, no explanations, and don't tell them I'm going to Seattle."

"How long do you think you'll be gone?"

"Three days at most. I hope, whatever is going on, I can help just by being there."

"I'm sure that's why he called. Now, let's stop talking…and let me make up for the days you're going to be away," he said as he kissed her.

Derek disconnected the call with his sister, and saw he had a message and a missed called on the screen of his blackberry.

He panicked, it was a missed call from her house and immediately all thoughts became negative, thinking it was probably Lexie to tell him something was wrong. He pressed the key to hear the message, and with a broken sob, sent a silent prayer of thanks that it was her voice she heard.

He sat in one of the chairs that had remained behind and pressed the all familiar speed dial number.

Meredith lay back against the pillows, her hand resting on top of the tiny baby outfit she held against her heart. The ring of the cell phone made her reach out immediately and without even looking answered the call.

"Derek…"

"Yes."

"You…you….called me…"

"Of course I called you."

"I left you a message…but I wasn't sure you wanted to speak with me…"

"I was on the ferry," he cleared his throat, "it went to voice mail."

There was an uncomfortable moment of silence, before she spoke, making every effort to keep from crying, "Derek…I'm sorry…so sorry…"

"It's fine," he said, recognizing his clipped tone, but afraid he would lose control if he said much more.

"Oh…Derek," she whispered, "I'm so sorry…and I'm so ashamed…"

"Meredith it's ok, you were upset, I understand."

"You…you…understand…" she asked incredulously.

"I do, and I …heard your message, and just wanted to make sure I returned the call."

"Oh…" she said, swallowing past the lump in her throat. There was so much she wanted to say, but his tone made her react much differently than what she felt in her heart,

"well…ok…thanks for that…it was very thoughtful for you to return my call tonight…I won't keep you…I just wanted to make sure you were home and I was able to offer my apologies ."

He heard the defeat in her voice, echoing his own, and knew he could not allow her to feel that way.

"Meredith, I'm sorry, I did not mean to sound so curt."

"It's fine, Derek…like you, I understand as well."

They were about to head down the same road of miscommunication they had taken earlier with disastrous results, and in spite of his need to maintain control while he spoke to her, he could not bear to hear the doubts reflected in her voice.

"Stop…stop right now…this, this is not how we should be talking with each other, please…we've had enough misunderstandings between us."

He heard her sniffling, and wished desperately he had somehow found the way to get through to her earlier, to have avoided the pain both were currently reliving, but likewise, he felt the feelings she expressed needed to be addressed, as well as his own.

"Derek," she whimpered, " please…forgive me…"

"It's ok…"

"No…no, it's not…I said hateful things, and I was mean, so mean, and that's not like me…I try not to be that way…and I would be angry with me too…"

"I'm not angry with you."

"You should be…"

"I'm not."

"Then…why…didn't you pick up my call…"

"First of all, it did go to voice mail, but I didn't even feel it vibrate…I was in no shape to answer."

"What do you mean?"

"I'm not going to say this to hurt you, but, we…we can't continue to ignore what happened to you."

"When I drowned."

"When you chose not to swim."

"I'm not ignoring…I won't…you know…I already made an appointment with the therapist…I'm going to deal with all my issues…Derek…I told you I'd get ready, and I am…"

"I know, but tonight, Meredith, what you said tonight…" he paused, and was unable to continue, and she heard his broken sob.

"Derek, I didn't mean those things…I swear…I didn't…"

"But you said them, and we have to deal with that."

"I would do anything to take back everything I said…I would…because I know I hurt you…and for that I will always be sorry…I don't want to hurt you…"

"I'm not worried about me. I'm worried about you, what you're feeling…that you'd want to ….that you would say you'd want to join your Mother …I can't…. I can't…see you like that again…'

"Derek…please, please…"she cried," I swear I don't feel like that…. I was angry…and irrational…yes, you're right, I'm admitting it totally irrational…but I didn't mean that , I don't…"

"But you said it, and we need to deal with it…you can't take it back, nor my reaction…"

"Will you…can …Derek, can you forgive me…"

"You also said…" he paused, "you said if there's a baby, it would be none of my concern…are you going to keep me away…if you're…are you going to keep me away from our child then too…"

"Oh my God… you think that… " she sobbed, "no…oh Derek, no…how can you…I'm sorry…so sorry I ruined everything…today…today our beautiful morning …and all the hope we shared…and I ruined everything…if you think that…then…I've really ruined everything…"

"I just need to understand…if you…still want me around…because, what you said…I have no idea…no idea what you meant or want."

"I did not mean those things…I swear…I need you, I need you so much, and tonight, Derek, it was supposed to be such a special night, and I know I ruined it, but please let me make it up to you….please don't give up on me…don't give up on us…"

"I'm not giving up…I just need to know…what you want, because…Meredith…I can't bear the thought of losing you… that you'd feel like you don't want to be with me…that it feels better to give up…"

"But you're not listening…Derek… believe me please….believe me…it was all my doubts and stupid fears and that woman…and I admit I was totally irrational…and I needed to listen to you…and I didn't..."

"We need to start communicating…"

"It's my fault I know… these stupid trust issues…it's my fault, and I promise …I promise I won't let this happen again…and of course I want you…how could you think I don't… and if we have a baby…even if we …even if we didn't stay together… Derek…I would never keep you away…"

"Would you like me to explain what happened?"

"No."

"Meredith, why won't you listen?"

"Derek, right now, I just don't want to listen to anything about her…please…and it just doesn't matter, because I trust that whatever you did…just as you said…was because you didn't want me to be hurt…you can tell me later…now, just know that it doesn't matter, I trust you."

"What do you say we start this conversation over again…?"

"How?"

"From Joe's…let's pretend you got called away…and we left off with my surprise…"

"Your surprise," she said softly, "I think you'd have liked it."

"You mean I don't get it anymore?"

"You will."

"Do you want to give me a hint?"

"It's a gift…I bought you a gift."

"So, the surprise is something you bought for me?"

"Yes and no."

"Yes… it's something you bought for me…but what else?"

"Yes… but …oh, I almost fell for that… you have to wait…but Derek, I'm pretty sure you'll like what I bought."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"This was a good idea, starting the conversation over again".

"I think so…"

"Derek, are you going to forgive me?"

"Yes."

"Promise?"

"I promise."

"I'll make it up to you…I will…"

"We had a busy day, I wish we could have done my lab work."

"How were you feeling today?"

"I was fine."

"Meredith?"

"No, I was, really I was."

"No more dizziness and cramping?"

"Not really."

"That means you weren't ok."

"No, that means, it wasn't bad."

"Tell me what you're feeling."

"I'm scared Derek…"

"Why?"

"Because I know…once we find out…when you …when we know if there's a baby…I know that something may be wrong…"

"You're going to be ok…you both will…you'll just have to let me take care of you…both of you."

"I'm not sure…and Derek, I made a doctor's appointment…I did earlier today…and I though…maybe…you'll come with me…"

"Of course I would…when?"

"Next week, but I mean… when …when we do labs we'll know for sure…and Derek…I think…it might be…I think we really may be having a baby," she said, desperately wanting to tell him it was true, but not on the phone, not after all that had happened tonight.

"You do…"

"I do."

"What made you change your mind?"

"Tonight…my whole reaction…and being emotional and irrational... and all my other symptoms…I think I probably am…"

He didn't say anything at first, and she prompted, "are you going to say something?"

"Meredith, would you be happy…if you are…or like earlier…when you said…"

"I'd be very happy…which is why I'm so scared…that I didn't listen to you…and ignored what's been happening with my body…and Derek…if there's something wrong…maybe if Id paid attention earlier, maybe things would be ok…but, I'm scared…because the symptoms Derek…they're not good…not for our baby…"

"Hey, let's just wait till we know for sure…don't worry about it now."

"Derek…will you forgive me…if something goes wrong…"

"Meredith, we're both doctors, we've both read the same information, and we both know that if something is wrong… it is not your fault."

"I know you say that now, but we've hurt each other so much…Derek, I couldn't bear it if…if anything is wrong…and you blamed me…because it will be bad enough that I will blame myself…for being so …clueless…and not taking responsibilities for my actions."

"Listen to me, you have never been pregnant…for all we know, you aren't…so…"

"Derek…I really think I am."

"You really think you're pregnant…"

"Yes…"

"What makes you think that now?"

"Just a feeling," she said, knowing full well that she was, and he could hear her crying softly, unaware of the secret she had been ready to share when she'd joined him at Joe's.

When they had been unable to meet up during the day, she could no longer wait, and that was the reason she was late getting to Joe's, well, the second reason. She'd gone to get a pregnancy test and once she saw the results, had an overwhelming need to acknowledge the baby's existence. She wanted to tell him, but wanted to do something other than just blurt out that she was pregnant, and found herself driving to a nearby mall in search of a baby store, where she had found the perfect way to tell him.

"What aren't you telling me?"

"I've been dizzy a few times today…"

"So…you think that means you're pregnant."

"I think there's a pretty good chance…with everything else…"

"Ok."

"Derek, we just need to confirm it…my feeling, when we run the labs."

"Yes."

There was a long pause at his end, and then he blurted out a totally unexpected statement.

"I called Kathleen."

"Your sister?"

"Yes."

"Why?"

"Because I didn't know what else to do…when I left your house, I didn't know what to do."

"What do you mean? Derek, you're scaring me."

"I was on the ferry, and all I could think about was the day I carried you out of the water, and I didn't know what to do…after what you said today, I was scared and …" he paused, and she could hear his voice breaking. "How…how do I know…how…that you won't want to give up again…that like last time, I won't be enough for you…and now…with a baby…I'd be losing you both, and I can't Meredith…I can't lose you, and I don't know… I didn't know how to deal with losing you again…"

"Derek," she said, and it was evident both were deeply affected by the evening's event, the emotions they had experienced threatening to completely overwhelm them, making it impossible to function normally, but for him, for him it was worse. "You're not going to lose me…and you're right…we have to start trusting each other… we do…I will…I won't jump to conclusions like that anymore."

Unable to keep his emotions under control any longer, he voiced his fears out loud.

"How can I? How can I trust you, when at the first sign of doubt, you ran from me tonight, and then when I try to explain, rejected me, again?"

"Please….please, Derek…don't do this to me…please, not tonight…I love you Derek, I do…and I was…I was a horrible person… I was…and I was hurt and I wanted to hurt you too, and I will always regret it…but please…Derek…you have to believe me…you do…all I want is a chance for us to have that lifetime…for us to live that dream…"

Meredith and Derek had in essence been confronted with their greatest fear, though triggered by very different emotions and ranging in the spectrum of intensity, both had the same fear. The fear of losing each other, and being destined to a lifetime of regrets.

The silence was deafening, both could hear the raw painful emotion transmitted through the telephone lines, neither able to hide their feelings and tears any longer.

"Meredith," he finally spoke, "are you alright?"

"No."

"I'm going to come over."

"No, Derek, don't. You're tired, and upset, and I don't want you to drive."

"Don't you need me? Because I desperately need to see you right now."

"I do…I need you so much…I can drive there myself…"

"No…I don't want you driving…not as upset as you are."

"You see…we're both saying the same thing, and maybe we should just get some sleep, and it's really late and neither of us should be driving."

"You're probably right."

"Derek, I will always regret the things I said tonight."

"I regret I didn't stay, and maybe we could have had this conversation in person, and I would be there with you now."

"Maybe…Derek, maybe we should have some rules."

"Rules?"

"We never made them you know."

"I know. What kind of rules?"

"Can we start with one that says we won't ever walk away from an argument…until we make up?"

"I think we can do that."

"Derek, are you going to forgive me?"

"Yes, but Meredith, we still need to talk through many things…when you drowned…we need to talk about that again."

"We will."

"You'll be ok tonight?"

"Yes. Will you?"

"Yes."

"Ok."

"Good night Meredith."

"Good night, Derek," she said attempting to keep her disappointment to herself.

She turned, burying her face in the pillow, and cried softly, while whispering, "hey baby, your mommy made your daddy so sad tonight and she's so sorry…but she's sad right now too, because that's the first time in many nights he didn't tell me that he loves me."

A few minutes passed and her phone rang, this time she did look at the caller ID,"what's wrong?"

"I didn't tell you that I love you."


	73. Chapter 73

_AN After the last couple updates...needed a bit of filler...before the next chapters. Thanks for reading, and you have been wonderful leaving comments._

**Ch 71 – Sisters **

"I love you too."

"Hey, why are you crying?"

"Because…I made you sad, and I hurt you…and I said horrible things to you, that you did not deserve… and I wish…I wish…I could do tonight over again."

"I do too, but we can't," he said, and knowing he needed to be supportive, he added, "but what we can do is make sure we talk to each other, and remember our first rule…ok?"

"Ok."

"Meredith…"

"Yes…"

"We're going to be ok…"

"I hope so," she whispered unable to disguise the intermingled whimper.

"We are…we'll get through this…"

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Did you feel you had to call me back…just now?"

"Of course not, I wanted to call you…"

"Did you feel you had to tell me…or maybe you wanted to forget… to tell me …since you were upset with me…"

"How can I forget the only thing I know for sure is true to my heart…"

"But you didn't say it…"

"I am upset, you already know that…and we said other things, and we hung up, but I did not forget…I called you back, the minute I realized I had not told you that I love you."

"Thank you, I …I needed to hear that…tonight…I needed to hear that."

"I know…just as I needed to say it."

. I love you Derek…I do…"

"I love you too… now, would you do something for me?"

"Would you try to get some rest…for you and our "maybe" baby…"

"Our I'm pretty sure baby…"

"Yes…please."

"I will…and will you get some rest too…"

"Yes…I love you Meredith …I love you both."

"We do too…"she whispered, after he had already disconnected the call, and laid her hand softly on her abdomen.

"Hey, little one, your daddy called, and he said he loves you."

She heard a soft knock on her door, "come in Lexie."

"How did you know it was me?"

"Nobody else knocks."

Without asking, she went and sat on the side of the bed. "Are you ok?"

"I thought you'd be in bed by now."

"Well…"

"Derek called you…"

"Yes."

"When did he call you, I was just on the phone with him."

"Just now."

"You know Lexie, this is when rambling is ok…I told you earlier…spill the beans…tell me everything…"

"Mer, he's really worried about you…and he was really broken up…I've never heard him like that…and he wanted me to come in and make sure you're ok…I could tell he was crying…and I can see you were too…will you tell me what's wrong?"

She had asked her to ramble she thought, and reached for her hand, "thank you, for caring."

"You're my sister…of course I care."

"I care too Lexie…I'm glad you're in my life."

"Will you tell me what's wrong?"

"We're not in a good place right now…I think, we'll be fine…but, I was awful tonight, Lexie, I said some things I should never have said, and I've hurt Derek so deeply."

"But, he called me…he wanted to make sure you're ok…he cares…he loves you."

"Yes, I know he does…and I love him too, but tonight I crossed the line, when I said some things that…they're unforgivable."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"I'm very ashamed."

"I won't judge you Meredith."

"I think you might. I would."

"What did you say?"

"After I saw him leave with her, I came home, and was totally irrational, I know this…but then…and Lexie he was so calm, he didn't want to upset me, and I was still such a bitch…and I told him the way he made me feel, the way he made me feel tonight by walking out with her…and touching her…it would have been better if I had drowned…"

"Oh my God," she said before being able to stop herself.

"I told you…it was bad, but that wasn't all."

"There was more," she exclaimed.

"Ok…where did the no judging go?"

"You're right, I'm sorry."

"I told him…if it turned out I was pregnant…" she paused, "yes, close your mouth, I think I might be…I told him… that it wouldn't be any of his concern anymore."

"Oh my God, Meredith, how could you…"

"This is where you are supposed to be supportive instead of making your possibly pregnant sister more upset."

"I know…but you really think…you both think you might be…" she said smiling.

"This is also, where I told you so, is not allowed."

"A baby," she said reaching for her hand, "are you happy?"

"I'm scared, but yes."

"Why?"

"I think there may be something wrong."

"But why? Oh…your symptoms…the cramping…the…"

"Yes."

"You need to see a doctor."

"I've already made an appointment."

"Is Derek going with you?"

"Yes, but, he was going to draw some blood for labs today, just to make sure and we were both so busy, in and out of surgeries, never coincided …well, we agreed we'd do it tomorrow…and then we'll figure it out from there."

"It makes sense, Mer, it all makes sense. But, you do have to get checked out, I know when you first…when that first fainting spell and your cramping…I thought…well, you know…it could be…"

"Say it, I knew you stooped yourself that time…but I wasn't even thinking of the possibility."

"Just…check it out…"

"Say what you were thinking…"

"I'm sorry…but you know, your symptoms…Mer, it…it could indicate there's a chance of a miscarriage."

"Yes," she said softly, "we both know."

Lexie saw the tears begin to slide down her face, and hesitantly reached out to embrace her, afraid Meredith may not be receptive, but she was wrong.

Meredith clung to her and for several minutes and cried softly in her sister's arms.

"For the first time in my life," she whimpered, "I let myself dream…of a family…of the fairytale…of a family with the man I love…the most wonderful man in the world…that loves me…and I've just accepted that…and now…we have this…that may be taken away from us in a moment's time."

"Meredith, it doesn't have to be that way… have you told him, have you told Derek how you feel?"

"Not in so many words, but he knows…he knows…if I am pregnant…that something could go wrong."

"When are you going to find out…you should not wait."

"We're doing my labs tomorrow…and I have an appointment in a few days."

"Maybe you shouldn't wait."

"I won't…after I get my labs back… I won't…I just have this feeling Lexie…"

"Let's not assume the worst…some pregnancies have these symptoms and everything turns out ok."

"I hope you're right."

"I'll be praying for that…Mer, I'll say a prayer for you both."

"I hardly do you know…"

"Pray…"

"Yes…my mother didn't really believe in anything."

"That doesn't mean you have to be the same."

"I'm not."

"No you're not, from what I've heard of your mother…you're definitely not. Hey, I'm here, aren't I… you gave me a chance."

"We need each other…I think…"

"We do… I know I need you in my life Meredith."

"I need you too."

She wanted so much to tell her, that she already knew, that she was pregnant, just as she had needed to acknowledge the baby was real and went to buy the onesie, she wanted to share the news with someone that would care as much as she did right now, and she realized that Lexie would. But she needed for Derek to be the first one to know, she needed that moment, the intimacy of that tiny bit of hope that remained to be shared with him…only him.

Then, she thought of the others, what they would think, especially Cristina, and well, she wasn't ready for anything other than acceptance of the baby she and Derek had created, unexpectedly, but nonetheless, a tiny little being conceived in love and passion shared by its parents.

"We are two very sentimental emotional rambling…"

"But Mer…"

"Yes…"

"There's not a chance I'm pregnant," she smiled.

"You mean Alex practices what he preaches," Meredith teased, effectively and temporarily lightening the mood.

"What do you mean?"

"He didn't tell you…no glove, no love," she said, and they both laughed.

"Plus, I'm on the pill. Mer, that first time, that night, when I found out you lived here, well…I don't really sleep around, Alex was just well, you know."

"I don't supposed that's one trait I want to encourage we share…the inappropriate boys."

"Mer…since I've known you…you've always just been with Derek."

"Yeah…the ways I've changed…you know Lexie, I'll have to fill you in on a little more of that sometime…the vodka, the inappropriate men…"

"But is that important now?"

"Uhmm…you always manage to do that…"

"What?"

"Be the wiser…older sibling…"

"I told you…lots of years of practice with Molly."

"When I know… when I know what's going on, we'll make plans…so I can see her, and Laura, ok?"

"She'll like that…the three of us…"

"Tell me about Derek, you said he was upset."

"I understand now…after what you said."

"Please tell me what he said, all of what he said tonight."

"You mean…earlier…"

"Yes, please…I need to understand what I've done."

"He just called me, right before I came to see you, and he told me…"

"No, I mean when he first called you to come here."

"Meredith, why did you leave Joe's, nothing happened, why didn't you let him explain?"

"You are not answering my questions."

"I will, but, it's relevant, why did you leave?"

"Do you realize you ask a lot of questions…"

"Yes, and it will be good practice for you…when you have kids, they ask a lot of questions."

"You are not a kid."

"But you have to learn that sisters and friends do that too, when you care, Meredith, you tend to ask a lot of questions."

"I don't suppose I have a lot of experience with either one of those…Cristina, well you know how she is."

"Yes, I do…now stop avoiding my question, why did you leave like that?"

"Because, I was hurt and angry, and we'd shared a very special evening and morning…and suddenly, I found myself realizing I might be having a baby…his baby, and all of these emotions were overwhelming, Lexie…I never in my life had thought about that…not until Derek, and then…here we are, in the middle of fighting, and breaking up, and being back together…and a baby…and I was happy, and wanted to tell him, and I walked away, and Cristina tells me he walked out with her…I couldn't…I didn't hear anything else but that…"

"Meredith, I'm not going to say anything about Cristina, but it was not like that at all, the way she said that implied that Derek willingly and happily walked out with her."

"You are not going to tell me about Derek, are you? Lexie, I'm going to be very angry with you."

"Fine, I'll tell you that first."

"What did he say?"

"When he called me, after you walked out, well, Dr. Sloan came back in, and he said you'd left and Derek had driven after you."

"Lexie…"

"It's important. Dr. Sloan was really upset, and he was very angry with Cristina, told her she needed to understand what the definition of being a friend was because what she had done tonight was what a bitch would do."

"He said that?"

"Yes, he was totally on your side, and anyway, after a while, he got a phone call from Derek and he wanted to talk to me.

"Why would he call Mark to talk to you?"

"Because he didn't have my cell number."

"Oh, I guess he does now…"

"Yes, he does. I have his too."

"So I can expect both of you checking up on me."

"That's probably true."

"He asked you to come over."

"Yes, he said you would not listen to him, that you didn't want to hear anything he had to say, and he didn't want you to be alone. So… I asked him why he was walking away, and he said he was just giving you what you wanted….anyway, I told him that he gave up too easily, and I expected him to fight for this, not just give up."

"You said that to him? Lexie, he's kind of your boss…"

"He was calling me on a personal issue, that doesn't count."

"He was calling his sister in law," Meredith added, and smiled.

"Yes, yes he was."

"And you made sure he knew that."

"When I got here he was in his car, and his eyes were red and he was so upset, and he just asked me to be with you tonight. I told him that I was sure everything would be different in the morning and that you two were very lucky to have each other."

"Your optimism amazes me."

"I keep telling you Mer, you two are meant to be together…and I'm going to be an aunt to a whole bunch of little Shepherds."

Meredith took a deep breath, and Lexie reacted immediately.

"Hey, no matter what happens now…the two of you are going to be fine, Mer, I know it, I feel it in my heart…and even…even…if now…well, I'm going to be holding nieces and nephews I know that…"

"Lexie…"she said softly, and didn't try to hide the tears in her eyes, "I know that will happen, I just…hope…you know, Lex…I'm really going to pray…this baby…if I'm really pregnant…"she added for good measure, not wanting to admit she was to anyone but Derek first, "is one of those nieces and nephews."

"I'm going to pray right along with you."

"Thank you."

"Mer…for someone who never thought of a family…how many kids are you planning on having?"

"Three."

"Really?"

"I saw it Lexie, I saw my family in a dream"

"I'm glad Meredith, because where you and Derek are concerned, I have no doubts that will happen."

"I just think, we're in for a bit of sadness…tonight, and therapy, so many issues I've avoided for so long…it just feels overwhelming sometimes…this sense of knowing…yet there's hope at the same time, that it's all going to work out, but then, when I start to feel all these things…and the spotting and the cramping…I just don't now whether it's just my imagination and there's something else wrong."

"Ok, stop it…no more negativity. You are going to get a blood test tomorrow, and we are going to find out what's going on, once and for all."

"You're right."

"Of course I am."

"Lexie, tell me the rest, how did Derek sound."

"Meredith, you need to understand, when you walked out, what you saw, whatever it was, he had just been trying to avoid you getting hurt."

"That's what he said."

"Mer, she was awful, and I know you want to know about Derek, but you have to understand, why he reacted like he did to what you said, it's because all he wanted was to spare you getting hurt."

"What happened Lexie?"

"She was totally drunk, and came over to the table and made some remarks about his precious Meredith Grey, and he told her she was drunk and it was very unbecoming…and she called you a slut…and Derek told her never to speak your name again or breath in the same air, and she went on, and Mark tried to stop it...but… she called him Mr. Whore, and mentioned sexual harassment, and Derek asked him to keep you away while he got her in a cab so you would not be subjected to all that."

"Oh my God, Lexie, I said such horrible things, if only I'd listened to him…we could have avoided so much hurt."

"I think it's ok now, I mean you've talked, and now you know."

"I would not let him tell me tonight, when he called me, I told him it didn't matter, that I didn't want to know. Lexie, I needed him to know I was trusting him…I hope he understands that."

"I'm sure he does, but Mer, you need to realize how much what you said hurt him."

"Are you trying to make me feel worse."

"No. I'm trying to make you understand how important it's going to be for both of you to communicate, to stop this constant avoidance. He was really upset when he called me again, he was concerned about you, that was the most important thing, but Mer, the defeat in his voice…he was a broken man tonight, and you have to help him, you have to help each other by talking about these issues…and they're big…what you said, about …about drowning…and the other… Meredith, you have to talk and truly understand each other."

Meredith cried softly as her sister spoke. "Thank you…for being here…for caring…for being there for him…he needed you tonight as well."

"I'm here, for you. But, being there for him is helping you."

"I know. He called his sister tonight, asked her to come."

"He has four sisters, doesn't he?"

"Yes, but he called Kathleen, the psychiatrist."

"Oh."

"Yes, that was just as big for him, as for me to admit I need to go to therapy."

"Meredith, you're going to be ok, both of you are, but you have to talk, you can't avoid these problems anymore. I know there's more, but you need to start with tonight, what happened tonight, both of you, I can see, I can hear the pain you are both experiencing, and you have to deal with this now."

Completely taking Lexie by surprise, Meredith reached out to her, and hugged her.

"Thank you. I really needed you tonight."

"I'm your sister."

"Yes, you are."


	74. Chapter 74

**Ch 72 – Broken **

Derek Shepherd was a broken man.

He'd made every attempt to hold himself together while he was on the phone with her, but the pretense was over the minute their conversation had ended.

With just a few words she'd brought to life his greatest fear. The fear of losing her again, that she'd feel the same way again that led to her giving up, that the next time, he may not be around to save her.

He'd driven home, and now paced the length of the trailer, running his fingers through his hair in frustration, absolutely clueless as to what he was supposed to do, how he was supposed to help her, how to help themselves survive yet another major hurdle in their relationship.

He'd known she was angry when he'd followed her home, and he'd made many allowances for her reaction, fully convinced hormones were playing havoc with her emotions. He was not, however, prepared to listen to her utter the single most frightening statement of his life, that she might have preferred joining her mother.

It took all the will power in the world not to break down at that moment, but now, he had no witnesses. No Meredith to witness his complete and total despair.

He searched for the bottle of single malt scotch and poured a glass, swallowed it as quickly as he'd seen the amber liquid fill the glass, and then another, and while he downed away the sorrow that filled his heart, he thought of the woman he loved and how his past actions had made her feel so much pain and so many doubts, doubts he alone had created, that she considered being dead less painful than being alive and sharing her life with him.

He got ready to pour another glass, when suddenly it hit him, that she'd said those words, even knowing she was very likely carrying their child, and the anguish took over, as he grabbed the glass and hurled it across the small distance shattering into hundreds of small broken pieces.

A sob escaped him as he sat down, and placing his elbows on the table he buried his face in his hands and unleashed months of pent up emotions and sobbed uncontrollably.

He lost track of time as he sat there and each word she said kept flowing through his mind, each time casting more doubts, more fear of what their future may hold.

He hadn't been able to help before, when she drowned, he hadn't recognized the signs. He felt he hadn't been enough for her to want to swim. Now, in spite of the many assurances she'd offered, that she did not mean what she said, all he could do was worry about her. Worry about her emotional state of mind, as well as physical well being, because whether she was pregnant or not, something was not quite right.

Finally, he made himself get up, pick up the broken glass and head for the shower.

Thankfully, the hot shower's soothing effect helped him to also begin thinking of their last few days together, and he laid down to rest.

Sleep eluded him, but thoughts all they had shared, the deep and raw emotional conversations they'd been forced to confront gave him a bit of hope, that somehow they would make it together. He wished desperately that he were with her, that he could change the events that took place and had forced her to talk, to deal with the situation, and above all that he had stayed.

Meredith, tossed and turned unable to sleep. After Lexie had left, she had begun to feel restless and almost got in the car and drove to Derek's sensing a deep need to be there for him, to comfort him was utmost in her mind, though she knew she craved the deep need to be safe in his arms. Unable to stand her anxiety any longer, she gave in and called.

He picked up the phone by on the first ring.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…what's wrong, what's going on?"

"Nothing…I couldn't sleep, and I'm sorry it's late…but…"

"You can call me any time, day or night…but what's wrong …please tell me…"

"There's nothing wrong…just…I felt…it's silly…but I felt you needed me."

"I did…I do…it's not silly," he whispered.

"Derek, you needed me?"

"Yes, I needed you…and I desperately longed for you to be in my arms…so I could comfort you and love you…and we can ease each other's fears…"

"You…you have fears…"

"Yeah…I have fears…"

"Because of me…what I said…" she said softly, and he could sense the tears about to fall.

"Hey, no crying."

"How…how do you know…"

"Because I sense your every emotion, you're the love of my life Meredith…I feel you…and need you…"

"I sensed you too…tonight…right before I called, I sensed you were so sad…and I wanted to be there to comfort you too…and have you hold me in your arms…and I need you Derek…I needed you too, tonight, I needed you so much…"

"I'm coming over now."

"No, please get some sleep…we agreed, neither of us driving…now that we've talked again…and you're ok…right?"

"Yes, I'm ok now."

"It's because of me…isn't it…what I was feeling…it was my fault…what I said tonight, you've been thinking about that."

"Hey, stop with that…nothing is your fault."

"Now, I know you're lying…"

"I love you Meredith."

"Oh, now I know I'm in trouble…"

"You're not, I just need you to know that I love you, and nothing will ever change that."

"I love you too, Derek, and I promise you…I promise you that I will make it up to you…what I said tonight, I will make it up to you…so you don't ever have doubts."

"We're going to be ok…just get some rest tonight…please."

"Will you call me, if you can't sleep."

"Yes."

"You're lying, but that's ok."

"Get some sleep."

"Derek, I don't want to hang up…I want to feel close to you."

"Then, will stay on the phone."

"You'd do that…for me…"

"I'd do anything for you."

"I don't do much for you…except mess things up…"

"Listen to me, please…can you just remember that I love you…and will you get some rest, don't think anymore…Meredith…please…"

"I can't do that…I'll think of you…and…us…I'll think of us…and Derek…I love you."

"Me too, now get some sleep."

He knew it would not be a night for sleeping as he continued to contemplate their relationship. They had numerous issues to deal with and each seemed more serious than the one before, trust, rejection, doubts, fears, communication…each had deep rooted and multiple implications, and tonight, he had realized avoidance was not something solely attributed to Meredith.

Tonight, he had realized his own avoidance, if he remained blind to it, could have disastrous repercussions, and though not fully aware of all it implied, he reached out and openly asked for help. Calling Kathleen had been his battle cry for help.

She'd asked for him to forgive her several times, for what she said, but he realized it was not as simple as that. They had to find a way not only to forgive each other, but forgive themselves. They had to find the way to break down the barriers and fears that threatened to their future, their relationship, their lifetime, because the thought of being alone was just too much to bear.

He offered a prayer of thanks for that last phone call, because somehow, he felt, hope was being restored.

Derek stepped outside the trailer after a few hours sleep, the stars shining brightly high above in the sky. But then, the brightness turned momentarily dark, almost a warning sign of things to come, and as just as quickly the reflection of a million stars, even brighter than before, illuminated the sky high above Seattle, high above the land where the dreams of two lovers destined to be soul mates for a lifetime would be undeniably fulfilled.

Meredith had finally fallen asleep after their last conversation a few hours ago. He heard her snoring before he opened the door to her room and quietly walked over to the bed, where she lay on her side.

He laid down behind her, spooning and embracing her body, desperately needing to feel her close to him. She instinctively snuggled closer as he made no attempt to avoid waking her, and he laid his head against hers, his face on her shoulder taking in the much loved lavender scent in her hair, and caressed her, gently squeezing her upper arm and bringing his hand slowly down her body to finally rest against her abdomen.

"I love you Meredith," he whispered.

"Uhmm…"

"Sleep…I just needed to hold you."

"We love you too," she said, as she brought down her hand and placed it on top of his.

He continued to caress her gently, but now his attention was on where he believed she nurtured their baby.

He smiled, unaware of the small white garment she held against her heart, just as when she had fallen asleep, but as she turned, searching the comfort of his embrace, he noticed, and his heart stood still.

He carefully removed the garment from her hand, his eyes already brimming with tears, which fell freely as he reverently held and read its message.

She opened her eyes at the barely audible intake of breath, and their gazes met, and her eyes filled quickly with tears as their hands found themselves entwined as they held her gift to him between them.

"My gift…"

"Yes," she whispered softly, suddenly filled with doubts.

"When?"

"When…" she whispered, "I think I know when…"

Confused at first, as though they held two separate conversations, he continued to look at her and asked, "when did you buy this?"

"Oh," she smiled, "I thought you meant, when did 'this' happen."

"You know…" he smiled, "when it happened."

"I bought it yesterday."

"Don't change the subject now."

"I'll tell you later. Are you happy?"

"You have to ask?"

"I do…"

"You knew…"

"Yesterday…"

"Why didn't you tell me…wait, that's why you were late…to Joe's, you bought this?"

"Yes."

"But, how…we didn't take your blood work…we…"

"I couldn't wait anymore, I had to know… I bought a test…"

"You're pregnant…a baby…" he said softly, bringing his hand to her face caressing it as though he were touching a porcelain doll, and afraid it would break.

"Usually…pregnant…with a baby…" she teased.

"You're pregnant…a baby…we're having a baby…"

"Derek…" she said softly, and as they lay side by side, faces inches away, she brought her hand to the back of his neck and pulled him closer in for a kiss, and he instantly bridged the distance as their lips found each other and their kiss gentle, very gentle at first conveyed the ageless message of commitment and wonderment at the discovery that their love had created a life, a tiny miracle of joyful hope in the lives of two people that hours earlier had been engulfed in sadness and despair.

Their tears were intermingled with their kiss, "you're happy," he asked, "no regrets?"

"No regrets…do you? " she asked.

He kissed her again, and both were breathless, "any more doubts?"

"Derek…can you believe it…now…really…it's true… me… a mom…"

"I told you…"

"You did…I should have listened…"

"Where did you find this," he said holding up the onesie.

"After I did the test, I couldn't wait to tell you…but I didn't just want to say it… I wanted to find a special way to say it…and well, I didn't know how…but then I really felt like I needed…wanted to acknowledge…that there was a baby…and I went to find something…and when I saw this…it was…just like I wanted to tell you…"

"And then, I messed things up…" he said, looking away from her.

"Don't you dare…Derek…don't you dare…make me sad…that's over…this moment…right now…let's enjoy this…"

"You can forget…how I ruined this for you?"

"You didn't, but I did, if you want to talk about ruining things, it was me."

"Ok…you're right, we enjoy this moment…"

"Thank you," she said and leaned in to kiss him and they were lost in a kiss that fulfilled every hope, every promise, every dream they had ever imagined.

Minutes later, he kissed her again, softly, "when…when was it?"

"Do you remember…the day…that afternoon…" she said with reverence and amazement in her voice.


	75. Chapter 75

**Ch 73 – Derek Christopher Shepherd …Jr?**

"In the on call room…"

"You remember…" she said, in awe that it held similar memories for him.

"It was one of the most vulnerable moments of my life… afterwards…when you let me hold you in my arms…"

"Mine too…and I think…Derek, I really believe ...our baby was conceived that day…"

They reached for each other simultaneously, tentatively at first, as if afraid to break the magic of the moment, reliving the memories of that afternoon weeks ago. He stroked her cheek gently with his thumb. She reached up brushing a lock of hair away from his forehead. Both smiled, tears evident on their cheeks, and each lovingly wiped away the other's tears.

"Oh, God…" he whispered reaching out for her and embracing her as though he'd never let her go, and totally overcome by emotion said, "I love you Meredith…I love you so much…"

She allowed herself the pleasure of being in his arms, and then pulled back to look at him, as she said, overcome with emotions as well, "Derek…you…you're going to be a dad… Derek…a daddy."

"I'm…I'm going to be a dad…" he said reaching for her hand and entwining their fingers.

"Derek…can you believe it…a baby…me…having a baby…"

"I always imagined it…"

"You did?"

"I did…when I told you…I wanted to have kids with you…I'd already imagined it."

"You're not mad…that this happened…I mean…it wasn't planned, and I don't even know how it happened…Derek…we're so careful… I have no idea how it happened…"

"I can refresh your memory…" he teased, "we failed the condom ad…"

"We did…"

"Maybe if we'd kept using the glow in the dark ones…"he said, and both laughed.

"Derek, do you…do you really remember…that afternoon…"

"I do."

"Me too…like it was today…what do you remember…"

"The truth?"

"Yes."

"I had never felt you so vulnerable…so fragile…so trusting …you actually spoke of the day you drowned…and I thought, at first, you were going to open up about it…but you didn't."

"Derek, I didn't know what else…how else to bring it up…but I felt I was telling you…letting you know…how much it meant to be in your arms…"

"I felt…when you spoke…like we were finally…finally going to be able to talk…to deal with those issues…."

"Then I was quiet…"

"Yes…and I felt like you were pulling away…and that I couldn't reach you…"

"But you did…you had …when we laid there, afterwards…Derek…I'd never felt so vulnerable in my life…and it was you…you that made me trust enough to just feel…"

"But you pulled away…you know that day…I was watching you in the OR, and talking to Cristina…and all I wanted was to take care of you…to be there… but I felt you pulling away…more and more…and I told her… I told her that you wouldn't let me take care of you."

"You said that to Cristina…"

"I did…she said she was taking care of you."

"Oh….Derek…we have wasted so much time…and we can't…we can't… keep things our feelings from each other anymore…because….if I had known that…what you'd said to her…we probably would have saved ourselves a lot of heartache…"

"Hey, you know what…no looking back… we just move forward…we have a whole lifetime ahead of us…and we just learn from our past…from now on… we talk."

"That day, Derek, in the on call room, I knew it had changed my life…I just…well, not that we'd be talking about a baby… so soon…but…"

"Why…why did you feel that way?"

"I can't explain it…I just knew…as I laid in your arms…that my life would never be the same again…I didn't know what it meant… but Derek…that day…I realized I loved you…but I didn't know how…how to tell you…how to trust myself to feel…"

"You realized …you loved me…"

"That night…one of the many nights I couldn't sleep… I knew…Derek…I knew that I couldn't stop…I couldn't stop seeing you… I couldn't stop loving you…I realized what I felt for you…it was…it was that once in a lifetime…the love of my life…you are Derek…it was not about the sex…it never has been…it was never just about the sex…but that moment afterwards…when I'm in your arms…and I feel safe…so safe…."

Their gazes locked, unwilling to hide the emotions clearly reflected in the other's eyes, he leaned in and brushed her lips with his.

"Derek…when I'm in your arms…as I was that day….whenever we've made love and I lay in your arms…afterwards, Derek…the world stops…and I feel safe…and loved…and I'm never going to doubt that feeling again."

"Meredith…it's all I've ever wanted… to love you… to take care of you…"

"Derek…I'm going to let you…for the rest of our lives…I'm going to let you love me…and take care of me…" she said and slowly pulled away from his embrace and laid back against the pillows, and reaching for his hand placed it on her abdomen, "I'm going to let you take care of us…and love us…always…"

He laid on his side and gently caressed her belly and then leaned in to kiss her, "tell me…tell me…everything…everything you've felt…share this with me…"

"You mean today…when I found out…"

"Yes…"

"You already know…I couldn't wait Derek…me… dark and twisty Meredith Grey…I couldn't wait…and the thought of a baby…Derek…for the first time in my life the thought of a baby… our baby…was like a breath of fresh air…for our lifetime…because I knew…Derek…I knew without any doubt we created our baby on the most wonderful day of discoveries…at least for me…when I knew I loved you…so much…"

"Meredith…I have never stopped loving you…and I ached…so often because I thought you would never trust me enough to love me again…but now…to hear you say this…I've got hope in my heart again…and I know…we will have our lifetime…"

"Derek…do you realize we've never talked as much as we have the last few days…"

"Yes, and we're never going to stop talking…because, that's been what gets us in trouble…now tell me…what else…when did you decide you were going to get a test."

"You don't want all that detail."

"Yes…yes, I do."

"You mean it was four o'clock, and I was scrubbing out of surgery, and I felt the need to go up to the nursery…and…"

"You did…"

"I actually did…I went up…and looked at the babies…and I knew then I was going to get a test."

"How did you feel, when did you have time to do this?"

"I left here and went to get it and went home and I was scared…so scared…but when I saw the results…" she smiled and he could see the genuine joy in her face, "Derek, I wanted to be with you so badly and tell you…just this time…don't let it go to your head…but you were right…I was pregnant…and I told you I went and bought the baby's outfit."

"No regrets…"

"None…but Derek, I can't talk about being dark and twisty anymore…the baby can't hear that about his mom."

He looked at her and grinned, cocking his head just the way that made her heart fall in love with him each time… "his mom…" he said softly, "you think it's a boy?"

"My dream Derek…our first baby…it's a boy."

"A boy…you think I'm going to have a son," he whispered, raw emotion in his voice.

"Well, I think…we're going to have a son," she teased, "though technically, I'm the one doing all the work, and I can see it now…you getting all the credit…walking around the hospital…bragging about how you have a son…"

"I am going to shout it all over …to whomever wants to listen…when our baby is born."

"Would it matter…if it's not…if I'm wrong…and it's a girl?"

He laughed, "all that matters is that you and our baby are ok. I don't care if it's a boy or a girl."

"Right…" she smiled, "after all that…you've going to convince me of that."

"Meredith…I would love a little girl that looks just like you…with the same beautiful eyes…and bossy…and caring and compassionate…and feisty as hell…and…I promise you…it won't matter, if it's a boy or a girl…either way…they're both going to be loved the same…and I'll teach them similar things."

"Like what?"

"Fishing and camping…"

"A girl is not going to go fishing…."

"Want to bet?"

"No."

"Can't stand to lose," he joked.

"Derek…I don't care either…but in my dream it was a boy…"

"Then…we won't waste time with names for girls…"

"Well, we should, just in case…but what would you like if it's a boy."

"You expect me to come up with a name now?"

"Well, do you want a Derek Shepherd Jr, or the II or III …"

"Not really."

"Oh my God, Derek… I don't even know your middle name…we're having a baby and I don't know your middle name…now you have to tell me…"

"Meredith, we're not naming our son after me…we're not…"

"But I may want to."

"You want to name our son Derek."

"Maybe…or we can go with your middle name…which you have never told me, Derek…you asked that I take a lot of things on faith…and I did… remember… Derek… I did…so now…I'm having a baby…and I get to know what it is."

"Christopher."

"Christopher…that's a beautiful name…Derek Christopher Shepherd Jr."

"We are not naming our son after me…"

"Don't you think… if I go through long hours of labor, I should have a say about our son's name…and I like that …"

"Meredith…I never thought of a name for a son…but if that's what you'd like, we can."

"Seriously…you're giving in that easily…" she teased.

"You're pregnant with our baby…my son…or daughter…yeah…I'm caving in…whatever you want."

"Derek…I was teasing you…we have time…lots of time to find the perfect name."

He placed his hand under her shirt, touching her, caressing her while whispering, "I want to look at you," and raised her shirt, revealing her still flat tummy and smooth skin.

"There's not much to look at …right now…but soon, you'll be thinking I'm just fat."

"I'll never think that…you're beautiful to me…and I can't wait till we start seeing our baby growing…and moving…Meredith…I can't wait till I feel our baby move."

"You say that now…I'm going to remind you when I'm as big as a whale…"

"Meredith…I love you."

She laughed, "oh, my God…you are in so much trouble…you are really going to think I'm as fat as a whale, aren't you?"

"What…I didn't say that…."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd…" she laughed, "you just said you loved me to divert avoid giving me a straight answer."

"I did not…"

"Really…just like you've been doing the last week or so…"

"That was pure coincidence, I swear… this time… I just wanted to tell you…I love you."

"And…this time… I'm going to believe you."

"So… what else… did you do today…"

"You know the rest…up to Joe's…and then…but I don't want to talk about that…except, Derek, I know what happened, Lexie told me…and I'm sorry, truly sorry…for not listening to you…for running away…and for the things I said…I will always…always be sorry for that."

"I'm sorry too…for trying to keep things from you…but Meredith…even that…all we've said and done tonight…it got us here…to this moment…and that can't be all bad."

She reached up and placing her arm around his neck, pulled him closer and kissed him.

"This moment …this morning…all we've shared…has been priceless…"

"No more running away…either one of us…"

"Derek…if I do…if I ever run away…or try to avoid dealing with our issues, please…don't let me…and I know therapy is going to help…but it's hard….it will be hard to break some habits…"

"Don't worry…I'm never letting you pull away…and Meredith…you have to do the same…don't let me…don't let me avoid or pull away either…"

"Derek…you know what's funny…at Joe's…did you hear Mark's comment?"

"About what?"

"He knows I'm pregnant…"

"What, you told him…you told him before you told me…" with a bit of a pout.

"Don't be a moron…"

"Do I assume those are hormones talking."

"Ass."

"Yes, that's a safe assumption."

She swatted his arm, "was he really right about your sisters' pregnancies?"

"Yeah…he actually was, and apparently Lisette as well."

"Derek, he knows I am…"

"How can he know?"

"Didn't you just finish telling me he was right…well, he looked at me tonight, and he started to say something, but he knows…and I avoided looking at him…but, we're not going to get away with it…and I just don't want anyone else to know right now."

"You don't want to tell anyone…why?"

"I just want to wait…till we get my blood work…and Derek…just to be sure…you know…that everything's ok…with all that's been going on…just …let's wait a couple of weeks… please…"

"We can do that… we can wait…a couple of weeks…it's going to be hard…but I can wait…till you feel it's ok to start telling people."

The rays of sun were beginning to filter through the thin lacy curtains, welcoming a new day and restored hope for two people determined to embrace the unexpected changes in their lives…the unexpected joy of a new life.

"Derek, what time do you need to be in today?"

"I've cancelled my surgeries."

"You did…when?"

"Last night."

"Oh…because of me…you cancelled…"

"No, not because of you…I realized it was best, to take today off."

"I see."

"That's like…I'm fine…or I love you Meredith…" he teased.

"It's not funny."

"No, it's not…Kathleen is flying in…and when I called her last night, I knew I was in no shape to work today…that's the truth."

"Thank you, for being honest."

"We owe each other that…from now on…we owe that to each other."

"So, you're not going in today."

"Yes, I'm going to drive you to work, and get your blood work done, and then I'm going to get Kathleen at the airport…"

"She's going to hate me…just like Nancy."

"She's going to love you, and you're going to love her."

"But…Derek…she knows…she's going to know…I'm the reason…why you called…and it was bad…and she's…going…"

"She is my sister, and she's coming here because I asked her for help, and we need that…and just as you've made taken the steps…and were brave enough to seek therapy… …tonight…I realized I need to do the same…and I reached out to my sister."

"She won't hate me?"

"She will love you. Trust me."

"I do."

"I don't want to rush you…or pressure you…but will you have dinner with us tonight?"

She was silent, pondering the implications. "You mean…the three of us…."

"Avoiding the answer…"

"No…just asking…"

"Maybe Mark can join us…you can have someone else in your corner…"

"I think I'd like that… oh…but no, Derek… he might blurt out that I'm pregnant."

"Meredith…you're assuming he knows…"

"He knows…I saw it in his eyes."

"Then we won't take him with us."

"Maybe he won't say anything."

"Meredith…we're talking about Mark."

"I think we can keep a secret…if he says anything…I'll threaten that he can't be bestman…or godfather."

They both laughed, and he hugged her kissing the top of her head and then bringing his mouth to hers for the kiss that sealed their commitment to each other forever.

She laid in his arms quietly and after a while, whispered softly.

"Derek…while I was waiting for you to call me…"

"Yes…"

"I told our baby…that his Mommy made you sad and she was sorry…but if you could…you would have been here….touching and kissing my tummy…and that you'd be all hovery and if you'd heard me talking…would wonder what alien took over my body…. and then I said…I love you baby. Mommy and Daddy both love you very much."

She heard his sharp intake of breath, and the soft sniffle. "Do you think he heard," he said again laying her against the pillows and placing his hand over her stomach, lovingly caressing her, "do you think he knows how true that it is…that his Mommy and Daddy love him?"

"I know he did….in fact… I think…in spite all odds, all our precautions…he knew how much he would be loved…the day he decided he wanted to be part of us….that afternoon…when he became part of our lives."

They basked in the new found knowledge that their life was about to change, and each touch, each caress, each kiss expressed their love and commitment to each other.

_AN - Thanks for reading everyone...you have been wonderful leaving comments the last 10 chapters or so...the last one only had 4...but thought you'd enjoy this one._


	76. Chapter 76

**Ch 74 – Hope restored **

Derek had not been able to get much sleep at the trailer, and at five o'clock decided to give in and driven to Meredith's as he'd wanted to since he'd spoken to her. Now, as he held her close, he smiled and marveled at the changes that had taken place in the last few hours.

She'd told him she was going to let him take care of her, of them, and that as well as so many other heartfelt confessions and tiny miracles had restored his hope.

Kathleen was going to kill him, was his first thought. She'd emailed him with the flight information, telling him she did not want to call, hoping he was getting some sleep. He'd made her fly out across the country at a moment's notice, and now he felt he was on top of the world. However, he did not allow himself to become complacent, and acknowledged that the reasons for his call, for seeking her out in his moment of desperation still remained, and she would understand. He and Meredith may have reached an understanding, an acceptance of the need and desire to make their relationship work, but the facts of their deep rooted doubts and fears urgently required to be addressed.

Meredith had taken the first step and would be going to therapy. Now, it was his turn to delve deep within and confront his own long buried emotions.

Her snoring was a source of comfort, knowing she was sound asleep and getting much needed rest, but he'd have to wake her soon. She stirred slightly, and he felt her tighten her hold around his waist snuggling closer, and he kissed her forehead lightly trying not to wake her just yet, but unable to keep himself from expressing his love for her in every way, every time he could.

"Uhmmm…so tired…so sleepy."

"You don't have to get up yet," he whispered.

"I do."

"You can sleep another fifteen minutes."

"Can't," she said and began to pull away from his embrace, "your son is making his presence felt already…I have to go to the bathroom."

"My son…"

"Yeah…he's yours only right now…" she said getting out of bed and walking away to return a few minutes later.

"So…he's my son when he's giving you a hard time," he teased her, as he reached out for her hand and pulled her softly into his embrace.

"I'm kidding, he's my baby…our baby Derek, and I love him…or her…so much already."

"I love our baby too…him or her…and their mommy."

"I love you Derek."

"Thank you…for last night, and this morning…"

She met his gaze, "you're thanking me for the awful things I said and made you feel."

"I'm thanking you for all that happened later," he told her while lacing their fingers together, "for reaching out to me…for letting me know you needed me," he paused and brushed her lips, "for all you've said…all you've given me…for wanting to make our relationship work, for believing in me, even when you did not what happened…" he leaned in kissing her and caressing her face, "for trusting me with your heart again…for loving our very unexpected baby…for loving me…for restoring my hope for us," he ended, unable to keep the raw emotion hidden from his voice.

"Derek," she whispered against his lips, "you've done all those things for me too…and I promised you…I do…I'd make up for hurting you last night…and I will."

"Hey…enough of that talk…we're going to do this together."

"I love you…well, actually…" she said as she placed his hand on her abdomen and covered it with hers, "we love you Derek."

"I love you too…both of you."

They soon heard the commotion of the house coming alive with the early morning rush to get to the hospital.

"I wish I had a whole day to sleep…"

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yes, I am…but I never realized what was happening…" she said, and stopped talking to punch him gently, "and wipe that smirk of your face…I've already accepted that you knew before I did…"

"I didn't say anything…"

"You didn't have to…I can read the look in your eyes."

"Answer my question, do you think you need to stay home and get some rest…you could come back after we…"

"I'm fine…rather, I'm great…ok," she kissed him, " except now I know why I've been walking around exhausted for over a week and my bladder feels the way it does and I'm running to the bathroom all the time."

"At least there's been no morning sickness…"

"You're right…not much of that…"

"Are you ready?"

"You mean for me to start getting fat…" she said as she placed her hand on her protectively over her abdomen.

"I told you…I can't wait till our baby starts growing…and I can see the changes in your body."

"Derek…I've a confession to make…"

"A confession…" he said as he raised his eyebrow.

"Are you making fun of me…cause I won't ell you…"

"I'm not…but you have to admit…a confession…"

"Well, sort of…you know…I've already noticed changes in my body…"

"You have…" he asked with a sense of excitement in his voice, "I haven't…"

"I know…I'm sorry…I think it's just that…well, you know…since we haven't really…well, lately…we haven't…"

"Had sex."

"Yes…and if we had been…you'd probably have noticed too… cause, it's not like…well, Derek, when we make love…you do pay attention to every inch of my body."

"Then I guess you're going to be late this morning…"

"Derek…I can't be late…"

"I'm not leaving here till I discover those changes for myself…"

"We can't… you know we can't…the cramping, Derek…we have to wait…just till we know…that everything is ok."

"I know that, but that does not mean I can't pay attention to every inch of your body right now…"

"Dr. Shepherd…I'd love to stay in bed with you right now…but, honestly, I have to get to the hospital, and we need to get there earlier so we can get my blood work…"

"You… Dr. Grey…are a tease…and you're really going to have to make up for that…for the past ten days or so…"

"I will…I will make it worth your while…" she said kissing him lightly at first, then deepening the kiss, leaving them both breathless, "I promise you…all of your favorite things."

"Oh God…" he groaned, "you are definitely trying to kill me, but payback Meredith…payback is going to be hell…"

"I can't wait," she teased and quickly got out of bed to get dressed.

Derek went downstairs determined to make her eat a healthy breakfast and found Lexie in the kitchen.

"Derek, is something wrong, is Mer ok?"

"Yes, she's ok. I drove here early this morning."

"Oh thank God, I know she was very upset last night, but I'm so glad you're here."

"Hey, Lexie, thank you for being with her last night. She told me you talked, and you told her what happened at Joe's, and you being there, it means a lot to her."

"It means a lot to me too. Derek, do you really think…I mean…I think she's ok…with me…and we're getting closer…more like sisters…"

"She is…just like I told you a long while ago…the two of you would be fine."

"I don't mean to pry…but…well…things last night…they were kind of…not ok...and now you're here…so everything worked out…you talked…"

"Yes, everything worked out. We have a lot to work through, but we're going to make it…you'll see," he said and went over to her and kissed her on the cheek, "thank you, again, for being there for her."

Meredith walked in and smiled, "Derek! Lexie! I thought you two assured me there was nothing between you, and here I walk in the kitchen and what…the two of you kissing…how am I supposed to trust either one of you," she continued as she made her way to stand next to them.

"Meredith, there's nothing…"

"Mer...really… he was just saying…"

Meredith stood in front of them and smiled, while reaching to grasp each of their hands in hers. Surprising and actually shocking them both, she gave her sister a kiss on the cheek, "thank you, for being there for me, for caring…" and then, kissed him on the lips, "thank you for caring and loving me so much."

"Meredith Grey, that was mean and not nice…and well, you don't to that…I thought…you were serious…and not nice Mer…"

"Lexie, I think you better get used to the tease in your sister…it's a recent discovery…and I can guarantee it's not going to go away anytime soon, since she's determined to kill me…and her new method was a heart attack."

"If I thought for one minute there was anything going on, I'd wouldn't have waited for a heart attack…you'd both…"

"Yeah, well you did pretty well this morning…" he muttered.

"Derek did you say something?"

"What would you like to eat this morning?"

She laughed and embraced him. "I love you."

"Somehow…I know I missed something…guys, I have to go, see you at the hospital."

"Lex, did you find the apartment, did you take it?"

"Yeah…we did, it needs a lot of work."

"Ok…maybe I can go with you to see it on my day off."

"That sounds good."

"Thanks again Lexie, for last night."

"You're welcome Derek, glad you talked some sense into her."

"Hey, wait a minute, who says it wasn't the other way around?"

"Mer…I saw you…talked to you last night…Derek wasn't irrational, you were."

"Still, I thought you were on my side."

"I am…that's why I'm glad he's going to be my brother in law…one day…"

"Oh… shut up…and go away…" she teased her, but realized Lexie did not know she was joking when she saw the slightly disappointed look on her sister's face.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to …I'll see you later..."

"Lexie," she said walking over to her and stopped her from leaving, "I'm just kidding…I'm happy, really happy…that you and Derek have this …this whatever you call it…and he is going to be your brother in law…maybe…sooner than you think…"

"We're ok?"

"We're more than ok…you're my sister…and I think…we're going to be very good friends."

"I don't have many friends here you know…"

"You have me now…"

Derek watched the exchange, not hearing all they said, as they both spoke in low tones and the similarities were striking, the rambling, the doubts he just witnessed in accepting each other, even in the way they reflected their emotions in their eyes. He was amazed at the change in Meredith towards Lexie, and knew that familial bond was something Meredith longed for unknowingly.

"Xena…one and two…I think…you both need to get to work…"

"Oh shut up…" they both said simultaneously.

"That's right… what do I know…Meredith, come have breakfast. Lexie, get to work."

"Bye Lex, your brother in law is being bossy."

"See you guys at the hospital."

"Hope you fixed something good for breakfast."

"Cereal & fruit, you need that."

"Derek, I really would like a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Forget it, your eating healthy this morning."

"I can't believe it," she said as she slipped into his arms, "barely pregnant, and already you won't satisfy my cravings."

"Your unhealthy food cravings…but I'm ready to satisfy all others…"

"Who's being a tease now…" she said, nibbling at his lower lip…

"Quit while you're ahead, let's eat breakfast."

The ride to the hospital gave them an opportunity to continue talking, and both were unable to disguise their excitement about their baby.

"Derek, I think I want to tell Lexie pretty soon about the baby."

"You do…what about the others? You're not going to tell Cristina, Mer I thought that two of you were ok."

"The minute I tell Cristina, I know what here reaction will be, and I don't want that, Derek, I don't want anybody telling me I'm making a mistake…or that I should consider my options, because there are no options…you already now this…how I feel, how I felt even when I thought you had gone crazy, asking me if I was pregnant…I don't want an option…other than having our baby."

"And you think Lexie won't say that…that same advise?"

"Of course not, and we've talked about it...babies that is…and she already suspects, so once we know for sure…I want to tell her, but not everybody, not right away, you know," she said reaching for his hand, "until we know there's nothing wrong."

"She suspects…and you didn't tell me…and you talked about babies…"

"I wasn't necessarily admitting it till yesterday, so I wasn't about to tell you she thought I was pregnant too, and we talked about lots of things including future babies."

"Really, so your sister and…boyfr…" he stopped, and pulled his hand from hers.

"Derek, don't you dare pull a Meredith on me…"

"What are you talking about…pull a Meredith," he had to laugh, though he knew it was no laughing matter.

"Yes, you just started to say something, and you didn't know how I was going to react, so you pulled your hand away…and are trying to avoid the subject."

"You got all of that from me pulling my hand away."

"Yes."

"Amazing."

"Don't you dare mock me…Derek…you…we promised no avoiding…no pulling away."

"Yes, yes we did."

"Why did you stop…you started to say you were my boyfriend…"

"I did."

"Why?"

"Because we haven't really talked about it, and it may get a bit awkward now…once you start to show…just thinking ahead."

"What would you like to say?"

"I'm perfectly fine just saying you're the woman I love."

"Do we have to decide right now?"

"No, we don't, we can take all the time in the world to figure it out," he reassured her by taking her hand and bringing it to his lips.

"We won't take long…I mean, you and Lexie seem to have some insight into you being her brother in law."

"Yes, we absolutely do," he laughed.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"You're both right…"

He roared, "you are going to pay for every time you teased, and every time you chose the moments I'm driving to render me speechless."

"I love you Derek."

"And now she copies my tactics."

She laughed, "in fact, I love you very much. Right, baby, we love your daddy."

He placed his hand on her belly and gently caressed her, "I love you very much too."

They walked from the parking lot to an exam room holding hands until he locked the door behind him.

"This is it," he said, "are you ready?"

"I'm ready," she said biting her lower lip, "ready for the rest of our lives."

He brought her close to him and held her for several minutes in his embrace, then walked her over to sit at the patient's examination table, and he gathered what he needed and sat on the lower stool.

Putting on gloves he then wiped her arm and smiled, "I know you hate this, but I'll be gentle, you won't feel a thing."

"Right…"

"I can be gentle, don't look," he said before locating her vein, and continued to talk to her, "you really should know better by now, I'm excellent at doing this."

"Derek, I don't care for chit chat right now…"

"You don't have to. We're done."

"We're done?"

"Yes…now keep your arm bent."

"I know that."

"Of course you do, you're a doctor…a doctor who had no idea she was pregnant."

"Derek, that is not fair," she said, watching as he capped the tube, and started to write the label, M.Grey.

"No, don't use my name, the entire hospital will know before even we find out."

"You want to use my name…" he teased.

"They'll figure that out, give me a minute," she said as he rose from the chair, holding the glass tube, and as she looked up to him, their gazes locked, neither willing to break the spell that bound them, recognizing that the information to be confirmed from that small vial, would change their lives forever.

She leaned in and gathered him close. "I love you Derek…now that I've said it, I can't say it enough."

"I can't hear it enough…I love you too, Meredith. I'm here…I'll be here for you, always."

"I know…I have no doubts…and so will I."

She pulled out of his embrace, and reached for the pen and label, and began to write, as she saw him smile. D.C. Maloney.

Both laughed, as he said, "they will never know."

"Not till we're ready to tell them."

"I'll drop it off, they won't question my orders."

"Maybe you shouldn't rush it, you know…since there's no patient with that name."

"I'll take care of it…I'll be back after I get Kathleen."

"You…you're going to bring her by here…I have to meet her, here…at the hospital."

"You don't have to… I could pass you in the hall, and avoid you, and wait till tonight to give you the test results."

"Don't you dare…"

"You made me wait…to explore….the changes in your body, it's only fair."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"You're going to make me wait…" she said, pouting slightly.

"Not for a minute, I'll be back as soon as I can."

"Promise."

"You won't even have to meet Kathleen if you don't want, not till tonight."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"She's going to be my sister in law…just make sure she knows…not like Nancy."

"She will know…she certainly will know…"

"I love you."

"I love you too…but Meredith…my whole family…and even the hospital…thanks to your bonding session with Mark in the OR…they already know…"


	77. Chapter 77

**Ch 75 - Brothers, again.**

They walked out of the room together, again holding hands.

"Let me run this to the lab," he said, and kissed her, but before releasing her hand, saw the look in her eyes. "Hey, what's this," he said wiping away a tear, "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"We're…we're…going to know…we're going to know for sure…in a little bit…will know for sure."

"Yes…we will, but why are you crying?"

"I'm happy…and I'm scared."

"Why don't we deal with happy…there's no reason to be scared right now. Can you do that for me?"

"Yes," she said with a quiet sniffle.

"Ok. I'll be back in a few minutes and find you," he said and kissed her again before walking away.

Meredith went to meet up with her interns, and make the corresponding assignments for the day. She was going to stay out of surgeries if she could, her mind would be nowhere near focused until she got her test results.

Izzie was walking towards her, and she realized she had not spoken with anyone since leaving Joe's last night. "Mer, is everything ok…with you and Dr. Shepherd?"

"Yes, Iz, thanks…we're fine."

"What do you know…Mer is fine," Cristina commented as the three happened to coincide at the nurse's station. "For how long this time, before he makes you miserable."

"Dr. Yang," Tracy interrupted, "these are your charts, and apparently there are some patients that need your immediate attention."

"Excuse me. Since when do nurses give orders to doctors?"

"Apparently, Dr. Yang, when doctors fail to recognize the callousness of their conversations."

"Dr. Sloan, it's all right."

"No, Grey, it is not. Dr. Yang, may I have a word with you."

"Dr. Grey, I apologize, I was out of line, but, after last night, I just didn't want you to be upset again, when …well, I'm sure you know what happened, it's not like Dr. Yang implied before you walked out."

"Yes, Tracy, I do, and thank you. But, don't worry, I know that's what Cristina is like."

Mark had Cristina follow him to the office behind the nurse's station. "Listen to me, I don't know you well, but I do know you are supposed to be her friend. But, what I heard last night and what I you just said was nasty and spiteful, and she does not need that right now."

Cristina did not say a word.

"Why would you want to make her feel bad, what you said last night was misleading and it created a very unpleasant situation."

"He has done nothing but create unpleasant situations for her."

"Even if that is the case, it's her decision to make, and he apparently does some things that make her happy. Why don't you support her, instead of feeding her insecurities all the time?"

"Are we finished?"

"Yes. I hope you will really be her friend, because if not, there's other of us that will."

"Like he will ever allow that, he doesn't trust you as far as he can throw you."

"Dr. Yang, you should remember you are my subordinate."

"Dr. Sloan, I should remind you, you are not talking to me about a professional situation."

"Be her friend Yang, don't be a robot."

Cristina walked back to the nurse's station and grabbed her charts, and started to walk away.

"Cristina, I want to talk to you."

"I'm sorry, I don't have time, and, it seems you have a slew of people ready to protect you."

"Stop it," she said, and pulled her in to the resident's lounge. "Are you my person or not."

"It seems to me you have enough people around you to fight your battles."

"Why are you being like this?"

"Being your person doesn't mean I have to watch you make the same mistakes over again. He has done nothing but hurt you and lie to you and you continue to let him."

"He is not lying to me…last night, you implied he left with her, and that is not what happened."

"You are right. I did not mean to imply that."

"But that's the way you said it, and you know, I'm going to react like that."

"He never should have asked her out, you let him get away with that."

"Cristina, I really really do value that you are trying to protect me."

"I'm not trying…"

"Yes, you are, but you need to take a look at what's really happening with me."

"What does that mean?"

"It means that I'm trying to make my relationship with Derek work, and it's not easy with all the things that have happened between us. But, I'm happy, I can honestly tell you, today I'm happy he is in my life…and we have a lot of hurdles to overcome, but we want to work through them together. Can't you be my friend, and support that?"

"How many times have you done this?"

"None."

"Are you delusional? Living in denial? Meredith, this is constant between you."

"No, it is not. Where we are right now, we have never been before, and we are never going back to how things were before."

"What makes you so sure?"

"I love him, and he loves me."

"Meredith, you haven't even told him that in months."

"But I have…"

"You told him?"

"Yes, I did."

"Why? When?"

"Because it's how I feel, because there is too much at stake between us…for me to have kept it to myself any longer."

"You think you can really trust him?"

"I know I can trust him with my life."

"Things have changed."

"Yes, they have…you have no idea," she said.

"Then I hope it all works out. I really do."

"Do you mean that?"

"Yes, but Mer…stop with the emotional and sentimental crap."

"My person is back…"

"Meredith, I didn't think about what I said last night, but it wasn't intended to hurt you."

"I know."

"I honestly did not think you'd be so irrational."

"You are lucky…I recognized that last night, or you'd be in serious trouble right now, I don't much care to be told I'm irrational."

"Yeah, well, you've been acting irrational a lot lately."

"Derek has pointed it out. I'm trying not to do it anymore."

"Since when?"

"Since last night."

"Fine with me. You going to Joe's tonight."

"No, Derek and I have plans."

"I'll see you later," she said and walked away.

Meredith saw Mark walking in her direction and quickly went the opposite way, hoping at all costs to avoid him. It was quiet silly, but he'd had that look last night, as though he really could tell if a woman was pregnant, and she did not want to be the protagonist of any more Seattle Grace rumors.

She felt the vibration of her blackberry, and knew it was Derek without even looking.

-hey

-hey, all ok

-better

-how

-test results before I go to airport

-really?

-yes

-page me

-of course

-love you Derek

-no crying

-I'm not

-promise

-no

-please

-will try

"Not hard enough apparently," he said as he was suddenly was at her side.

"Are you stalking me?"

"Nope…just watching after you."

"Oh, God, Derek, here comes Mark again, I'm trying to avoid him."

"Why?"

"He thinks he knows…"

"Well, he would be right."

"Derek, it will be all over the hospital."

"No it won't."

"Derek, we're talking about Mark"

"I know. That's why I'm sure of this."

"If it isn't the two love birds. Derek, I need talk to you."

Meredith rolled her eyes, averting her gaze. "I'll see you later."

"You don't have to leave, it might be good that you're there."

"Grey, Tracy meant no harm, she was trying to avoid any more issues with Yang"

"It's ok, I spoke with both of them."

"What happened," Derek asked as he grabbed her hand, and walked with her towards his office.

"It's not important."

"Meredith."

"Mark stood up for me, when Cristina made some snide remark earlier."

"I thought you'd resolved that."

"Guess not, but it's ok now."

"So, Mark to the rescue, again?"

"Hey, it's my future sister in law"

"What is it with all of you and the in law syndrome?"

"Don't knock it Grey, wait till you're part of the Shepherd clan."

"I'll leave you boys," she teased them, emphasizing boys, "to talk."

Mark was watching them carefully and grinned, waiting for the right moment to say something.

"Derek," she said kissing him softly, "you won't forget to page me…when…"

"Do you think I could possibly forget," he said, as he held her hand in his, and

lovingly stroked her hand with his thumb, making her smile into his eyes, and experience all sorts of emotions and fluttery feelings in her stomach, as she turned to walk away.

"Grey, don't go anywhere."

"What?"

"Turn around and look at me."

"I have to go…I'm late," she said, casting a 'help' me look at Derek and rushing to leave, but Mark caught up with her, and held her in place, carefully turning her to face him.

Grinning widely and letting out a hearty laugh, he looked at her, "I'm going to be a godfather…son a bitch, Shepherd, you're going to be a dad."

She didn't move, but looked at Derek and he smiled, and nodded, and she found herself engulfed by Mark's embrace.

"I was right…last night… I knew I was right," he said while he lifted Meredith who was light as a feather and hugged her, then slowly put her down.

"You're going to be a Mom…"

"We're not sure…"

"I am…"

"Technically," Derek said as he reached her side, "we're waiting for the lab work."

"Who do we need to call, to get this done now?"

"I already took care of it, we'll have the results in a couple of hours."

"Shep," he said, and hugged him, "you're going to be a dad, and I'm going to be a godfather."

"We never agreed to that, you know."

"Of course you did, Grey agreed, and you do as she says."

"Derek, what do you say? If I'm pregnant, that is?"

"He's going to be a godfather."

Mark was speechless, at first, and they both saw the emotion in his eyes.

"I am…you're really going to let me be the godfather…to your first child?"

"That's what his mom wants."

"His mom? You know it's a boy?"

"No, just Mer's feeling, we still need to get the test results back."

"Shep," he said, now a bit more serious, "congratulations."

"Thanks…now you have to keep your mouth shut, Mer doesn't want to say anything yet, not till she goes to the doctor."

"You're both doctors."

"Don't be an ass, you know she needs a doctor."

"Yeah , but, you're ok, right, you're feeling ok?"

"I think so…but, just want to make sure."

"When is your appointment?"

"In a couple of days."

"Ok, then…I can keep a secret."

"Mark…you have to promise me…you won't tell anyone."

"My godchild's mother," he said and kissed her cheek, "I take it everything worked out last night."

"Yes…yes it did," she said and reached for Derek's hand. "Now, I really have to go."

Derek kissed her and she reminded Mark not to say anything, or she just might change her mind.

"Shep, we need to talk about last night."

"What's going on?"

"Kathleen called me this morning, well to be more accurate, she woke me up at the crack of dawn to let me know she was coming this morning and to keep an eye on you. What the hell happened?"

"How much time do you have?"

"As long as it takes. I have surgery at ten thirty, do I need to reschedule it now?"

"No, her flight gets in around ten forty-five. But, it won't take long, and we can certainly talk later. In fact, I'm planning on having an early dinner with her tonight, she's going to be tired, and I want you to join us, give Meredith some support, she hasn't gotten over the meeting with Nancy."

"Yeah, well, Kathleen's a whole different ball game."

"Thank God," Derek said, and they both laughed.

Careful not to betray any of their most intimate confidences, Derek felt the old familiar bonding with the man that had been his best friend, and shared with him his moments of despair the night before, and what led to calling Kathleen.

After a long silence, Mark said, "is she going to be ok?"

"I believe so, we have never been where we are right now, Mark. I really feel, deep in my soul, that after last night and today, we've reached the point where we can handle anything that comes our way."

"Shep, why the gloom and doom?"

"She's concerned over the pregnancy, and I'm not sure we're out of the woods."

"Is there reason to be concerned?"

"Yeah…I think there is."

"Should she be working?"

"Once we get the test results, we'll know more."

"Can I do anything?"

"You already have."

"How?"

"You're being her friend."

"My favorite dirty mistress…it's hard not to, once you know what hell she's been through, and that woman for a mother, hell, how can you not want to protect her."

"Don't even think about it…"

"Shep…don't be an ass… ever since I found out about Halloween…and

the other day in the OR, she's like a sister."

"Don't forget it."

"Shep…today…that you'd confide in me…that you'd agree that I'd be your child's godfather," he paused, too choked up to continue, "that means more than you can ever know…and I wouldn't ever do anything to jeopardize our relationship again. You're my brother…and I value that more than anything else, and now, taking care of her…that goes with the territory, just like watching over you."

Derek felt the emotions as well, and simply said, "you are my brother, again."


	78. Chapter 78

**Ch – 76 D.C. Maloney **

Meredith had not been able concentrate on much of anything during the last ninety-minutes, jumping each time her blackberry vibrated.

She should not be nervous, they knew she was pregnant. She and Derek were not going to be surprised, but there was something about this unequivocal confirmation that was making her a total mass of emotions.

She was in the middle of patient rounds when she felt the phone vibrate, and her hand shook as she reached for it.

-where are you right now

"George, would you please take over, something urgent has come up. Mrs. Thomas, you're in very good hands."

She walked out of the room, her hands shaking as she dialed his number.

"Derek…is everything ok?"

He heard the doubts in her voice. "Yes, I just want to meet up with you, where are you?"

"Third floor."

"Meet me at the main elevators."

The elevator doors opened and he saw her, fidgeting nervously with her watch.

"Let's go," he said pulling her inside and pressing the button to the last floor.

"Derek…you're making me nervous. Do…do you…have the results?"

"I do, but I haven't looked at them."

"You haven't?"

"No, I thought we'd do that together."

They got off the upper floor and he walked with her towards the stairs that led to the hospital rooftop.

"Where are we going?"

"I thought we could use some privacy."

He opened the door for her and led her to stand by the railing, overlooking Seattle, both recalling a similar moment when everything had ended between them, and all hope had been gone. This time, standing in close proximity to one another, the next few minutes held only hope, in spite of the results, their hearts were filled with hope that they had a future together.

She faced him, full of anticipation, her hands folded in front of her.

"This is it," he said, "are you ready?"

"You really didn't look?"

"I really didn't. Do you want to read it?"

"No, you do it," she said, lowering her gaze to her clasped hands, thus missing his smile, but heard his soft gasp, and looked up.

He held the sheet open in front of him, and then folded it in half, placing it inside his coat jacket.

"Derek…"

He thought he had been prepared for the results, but inexplicably found himself speechless, and all he could do was look intensely into her eyes.

Mistakenly interpreting his silence, she whispered, "I'm…I'm not pregnant," she said as tears began to gather in her eyes.

"We…you…baby Maloney…" he said and swallowed past the lump in his throat, "wants his mommy to know he loves her very much…"

"Derek…I'm…really…really having a baby…our baby…" she whispered, without ever breaking contact with his eyes.

"Yes."

He saw her fighting her emotions, and then a dry sob escaped her, followed by broken sobs as she bridged the distance between them and as soon as he held her close in his embrace, began to cry.

He felt his own tears on his cheek, as he caressed her back gently and whispered softly,

"as much as baby Maloney wanted to tell his Mommy he loved her…his Daddy wants her to know…he adores her."

She sobbed harder, leaving him confused and cautious about what to do or say next.

Logically, he knew it was likely her hormones reacting, but he had no clue to what she expected from him.

"Meredith," he soothed, " what's all this about, we already knew…this was just…confirmation…are you unhappy…did you change your mind? Please…Meredith," he added with much uncertainly, "talk to me…"

"You…you…think I'm unhappy…" she said, pulling away from him, "I love him…Derek, I love him… or her… so much already…Derek…from the day I knew…it was possible… I've loved our baby…and I love you…"

"Then why are you crying?"

"Why were you," she asked, touching his cheek where the trace of tears had been.

"Well, it was just… it's…we're having a baby…it's emotional…and …we knew… but., this…this moment…it's real, there's a baby… and…it's emotional…and I love you…so much…and our baby."

"Didn't have a good answer…but the rambling was good…" she smiled.

"That wasn't a good answer?" he joked, and brushed her lips with his.

"The best," she murmured against his lips, and they both faced each other, inches away as the reflection in their eyes mirrored each other's, marveling at the life they had created.

He saw her eyes fill with tears again, and cradled her face in his hands, "I love you, Meredith, I love you so much…and this moment," he paused as he kissed her tears away, "I will never forget …this moment…knowing we're having a baby…this unexpected and very loved baby…this tiny life…a part of both of us …me and you…the love of my life…" and then, he brought his lips to hers, kissing her softly, gently and pulled back slowly, looking at her reverently, and smiled, making her feel as though her world had stopped, and she wanted to capture this moment, the joy in his eyes, forever.

She brought her hands to lay softly against his chest, smiling at him, "I love you Derek,"

and then brought one hand to his face, wiping away the lone tear sliding down his cheek, and brushed his lips with hers, "I will love you, always."

He gently nibbled at her lips, and each could feel the smile on the other's, and he heard her giggle, and then the pure excitement in her voice, "oh my God, Derek…I'm going to have a baby," and threw her arms around his neck and held him close, as he gathered her in an embrace that spoke of love that would last a lifetime.

He released her slowly, pulling back slightly to look at her, both enthralled at the prospect of a baby in their lives.

"You're going to have a baby…" he said, and brought his hand to rest on her abdomen, and smiled, "hey, little one, we know you're there for sure now….and maybe, later tonight…your mommy will agree to let me feel all the changes she's already noticed you're bringing…and has been keeping me from enjoying," he said, winking at her, and ever so slightly raised an eyebrow.

"Derek," she reprimanded, and lowering her voice to a whisper, "you can't be talking that way, you know… about sex…and breasts…and the rest…"

"I never said anything about sex…or mentioned…"

"I know…but …I'm thinking about it…"

They both laughed and he brought his lips to hers, capturing her mouth in a searing kiss that spoke of silent vows and future promises to each other.

"So," he said, nuzzling her neck and trailing kisses all along the exposed skin from her neck to the V of her scrub shirt, while at the same time bringing his hand to her breast, "you're going to let me feel these changes?"

"Derek, you really can't talk like that anymore."

"Meredith…you're not serious…the baby has no idea what we're talking about," he said with a chuckle.

"Of course I am, we have to practice…at being discreet…we don't want to damage our kids…Derek, I mean…we can't talk sex in front of them," she finished with a giggle.

"You…are a tease Meredith Grey…and payback is going to be so…pleasurable"

"I am most definitely counting on that…very…very… soon."

"Promises…promises…"

"I don't recall ever disappointing you…"

"Ah…but neither have I…"

"No…neither have you," she smiled and captured his mouth, and they became lost in the timeless dance and ritual of two lovers expressing their passion.

They pulled away from each other, reluctantly ending their kiss, and simply enjoyed the comfort of their embrace.

She rested her head on his shoulder, while he stroked her hair, "Derek, do you remember, the last time were here?"

"Thanksgiving day…"

"There was no hope for us that day…and now…it's like our hope has been restored…that our love for each other will never let us down…do you feel that way Derek? Do you feel that hope too?"

"I do. I feel that hope too."

"Don't you think it's amazing…Derek, that days ago we were broken up…and now…"

"And now, we know we will never be apart again."

"You have to remember…we promised, not to pull away…or avoid things anymore…you won't forget that…if things change…if things…"

"Hey," he said, as he stepped back and looked at her, "what's this about?

"Just…I want to make sure we don't go back, to how it was… twelve days ago…Derek…we were broken up."

"We're never going back…and nothing will ever get in our way of happiness again. We deal with everything together. Ok?"

"Ok."

"As much as I'd like to stay here with you…I have to get to the airport."

"I'll see you tonight."

"Tonight?"

"Yes, didn't you say we're having dinner?"

He smiled and kissed her, "I'm going to see you in a while, I want Kathleen to meet you."

"Here, you're going to bring her here, like soon?"

"Yes…because I can't wait for the two of you to meet…"

"Derek, is she going…I mean…she's going to hate me…after you tell her, what I said…why you called her…she'll have every right to hate me."

"We have already discussed this…she is my sister, and she loves me, and she's going to love you. I know it."

"But, Derek…last night…and you made her fly here…and it's my fault."

"We have issues…things to work through…we agree on that, right?"

"Yes."

"You are going to start therapy."

"Yes."

"I recognized last night, that I need help as well…someone to talk to…and that's not an easy thing for me to do…and I reached out to my sister…who is also a professional in this…she is going to want to help me…us…to make it…to get through our issues."

"You…you want me to talk to her?"

"No…I want you to trust me…that she will want to help us…once she knows how I feel about you…she will want to help us…and I trust her…and she won't go back and talk about this…I promise you."

"I trust you."

"Good, now…I also have to come back here because we still need to get the rest of your test results back and most important, I'm not waiting till tonight to see you again."

"Derek, you're not going to turn all hovery already are you?"

"What do you think," he said as he caressed her belly, and speaking to the baby, "little one, what do you think your Daddy should do?"

"I think…I'm going to enjoy it…until you drive me…and the baby crazy," she laughed.

"Very smart Dr. Grey," he said and drew her to him and kissed her, and then reached for her hand as they walked toward the door that would lead back inside the hospital.

"Derek, don't you find it odd, that Mark can tell a woman is pregnant?"

"No, as he said, he had to perfect the skill to make sure he wasn't fooled."

They waited for the elevator, holding hands with a permanent smile on their faces, like two children that had recently discovered the most wonderful treasure, and now kept it hidden from all but themselves to enjoy.

"He is such a man whore," she laughed, "and now godfather to our child."

"It meant a lot to him, we got to talk."

"I'm glad, that you two are friends…like brothers again, isn't it?"

"Yeah, that's what we talked about…"

"You did? That's good, it makes me happy for you."

"So…we keep this to ourselves, till you go to the doctor?"

"Please," she said just as the elevator doors opened, and they entered, holding hands until they reached their destination, and came across the godfather.

"Have you noticed," she said, "he is here, hanging around Tracy, all the time?"

"Uh…huh…"

"Shep, aren't you supposed to be on your way?"

"Aren't you supposed to be in surgery?"

"Boys," she teased, unable to disguise the smile and pure joy in her face, "good morning Tracy, Steph."

"Grey, stay out of this," he said and turning to Tracy, said quietly, "I'll be over, late tonight, after my dinner."

"Looking forward to it."

"Good morning Dr. Grey, you are positively glowing this morning."

"Ah…ah…thank you AmyLynn," she said and quickly turned to Derek, "I'll see you later," she murmured and kissed him.

"Grey," she heard and felt her hand pulled, "you do look radiant," he said knowingly, and pulled her into his arms and hugged her, and laughed, to the surprise of the nurses and staff around the station, and without missing a beat, turned to Derek.

"Shep, congratulations, I knew you could do it."

"Mark…let me go, and don't you dare say anything."

"Have faith Grey…have faith…"

"Mark, I think Meredith would like to breathe," Derek said, releasing her from Mark's embrace.

"Ladies…the bet, is officially over…" he said smiling at Meredith, "tell us Grey, how many days…"

She went along with him, "well…I don't now…Derek…what do you say…eight…ten…days…today?"

"I think we can safely say…it's somewhere around that time," he said and laughed.

"Come on Grey, you can do better than that."

"Maybe we can compromise…say nine …"

"Sounds perfect to me," Derek said reaching for her hand, smiling secretly at the meaning behind it…nine…nine months to nurture their baby.

Mark, witnessing the exchange and identifying the source of their private communication, let out a hearty laugh, "nine it is," and hugged her long enough to whisper, "nine…very appropriate…mom," then released her.

"We are certainly all glad this silly bet is over Dr. Shepherd…Dr. Grey," Lisette joined in as she reached the counter.

"Shep," Mark said as he put his hand on Derek's shoulder, "I'm happy to have lost this bet."

"Twenty-three days, Mark…not a lot of faith in me."

"Seems to me," he said for his ears only, "life took care of it all."

"Ladies, have a good day," he said, and whispered to Meredith, "take care of my godchild."

"Mark, stop flirting with Meredith," Derek joked, hoping no one had overheard any of Mark's comments, and walked with her to the elevators.

"Take it easy, don't over do it…if you're tired and exhausted…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith…all I'm saying…is listen to your body…if you need to take a break…please…do it…ok?"

"I will…Derek…I'm going to take care of our baby…"

"I know you are…I just want you to take care of his mommy too."

"I'll let you do that…"

"Fair enough…" he smiled, and kissed her while placing his hand on her belly, a tender and intimate moment between them, as their gazes locked reflecting all their hopes and dreams for the future, "I'll see you …both, in a little while."


	79. Chapter 79

Airport

**Ch 77 – She loves you **

Derek paced along the concourse where Kathleen's flight was due to arrive, and thought about the last fifteen hours of his life, when everything had turned upside down, and then, after much heartache and despair, love and hope had paved the way to the joy of a newly confirmed tiny miracle of life.

The flight was delayed twenty minutes, and he had nothing to do but roam the shops, his eyes suddenly finding their way to countless baby items scattered throughout the various shops. He smiled at the memory of Meredith's gift to him, as the words kept popping into his head…I love my daddy. He even picked up a couple of items, but decided he wanted to get something special for Meredith.

He'd convinced himself, briefly, that things had changed, that the reasons for calling Kathleen the night before were not as grave as they had felt in the midst of his despair.

Then, he saw her, and his world came crashing down as he walked towards her.

She looked up and saw him, and hurried her pace to reach him and immediately threw her arms around him. "I love you Derek, and I have missed you so much."

"Oh, Kathleen," he murmured, holding her tight, "thank you…thank you…for being here, I need you so much."

"That's what big sisters are for," she said, and pulled away from his embrace to face him, "if I called you, and said I needed you, I know you'd be there too."

"But I haven't, have I? I've let all of you down," he said, as brother and sister dealt with the emotions evoked by years of shared memories.

"Nonsense," she said, allowing him to grab her suitcase, "you're my brother, and the rest, they understand, we're family, and families support each other, and sometimes that means staying away."

"Yeah…"

"So, tell me," she said, as they started to walk, "are you going to take me to the wilderness, as Nancy calls it?"

"Yes and unlike her, you are going to love it."

"I'm sure I will, and you've got to know, you've got one jealous brother in law, dying to come out and go fishing and camping with you, but he's never been invited."

"Kathleen, you don't need an invitation, we are family…you could have come out anytime."

"Derek Christopher."

"Oh, God…here goes the lecture. You sound like Mom."

"Take that back."

"Fine," he laughed.

"You have not made any efforts, at all, to make us feel welcome."

"We don't normally wait for invitations."

"Well, it's not been a normal situation, now has it?"

"Was he ready to kill me, when I called last night?"

"He understood, no questions asked. Except, well, I did make it worth his while…you know, making up for the days I'll be gone."

"Ok… that was more than I needed to hear," he laughed.

"Derek, you do realize he & I have been having sex for years," she laughed, "and have plenty of kids to show for it."

"Kathleen, I've missed you," he said as he stopped to hug her.

"So have I."

"Do you have another bag?"

"No, this is it, figured if I need more, I can always go shopping."

"Let's go then."

They walked to his car, and when he opened the door for her, she told him, "Derek, you're not getting with it…the staying away…or keeping us away again."

"I don't think I want to."

"Good, because if you don't show up for the baptism, you're going to be disowned by your favorite sister, and she means business."

"I already spoke to her, and told her we would try."

"I wouldn't be surprised if she didn't get pregnant just to make sure you had no more excuses to stay away."

"Now, you are being ridiculous."

"Yeah…almost as much as your detachment from us since you moved out here."

"We…we'll talk…we'll talk about all of it, I promise."

"That's why I'm here…whenever you're ready…I'm here to listen."

"Thank you, again, for flying out here."

"When am I meeting her?"

"Straight to the point."

"I'm trained for this…yes, right to the nitty gritty, since I know last night's call had something to do with you and Meredith, and I can't stay out here forever."

"Yes. It did, though the last twelve hours…let's just say things have changed, but…well, the reasons I called you, my concerns, they haven't changed."

"Is everything ok? Is she ok? Are you?"

"We will be, I'm sure of that now, but, we'll talk…later, we'll talk."

"Where are you taking me first?"

"Are you tired, do you want to get some rest first?"

"No, we don't have much time together, so I'll let you share Seattle with me, and I'll call it an early night, how's that?"

"Sounds good. I'm sorry I don't have a bigger place, where you can stay, but I made reservations for you, on the Island, you'll love the place."

"The island, as in Bainbridge, where you have your forty acres of wilderness."

"Yes, it's a beautiful place, you'll see."

"Is that where we're going now?"

"No, we're going to the hospital first."

"Does she know I'm not like Nancy?"

"She knows, but she's nervous, even with Mark acting as buffer."

"Derek, you told her she needs a buffer? That's awful."

"No, I'm sure you're going to love her, but her first experience with our family…well, it was Nancy, need I say more."

"She's not that bad, you're exaggerating."

"She was worse."

"Yeah, well, she loved Addie."

"But Addie slept with Mark."

"Technicality, as far as Nancy was concerned, well, you now, Mom's whole good old catholic no divorce guilt."

"Didn't work."

"Then why did you stay with Addie?"

"You know what…let's talk about all of this later."

"Derek, I'm glad things don't look as bleak, as they did last night."

"So am I."

"Ok, so we go to the hospital, I meet Meredith, see Mark, and then what do you have planned for us?"

"Figured we'd grab a bite for lunch and then take the ferry to Bainbridge, let you settle in, and then I take you to see my land…and we talk."

"Sounds like a good plan, though I'm not that hungry, I ate on the plane."

"They fed you? Not much of that on planes lately."

"You called me at two in the morning, and I had less than 4 hours to get to the airport, of course I got fed, flew first class, and you're paying for it."

He laughed, "more than happy to pay for it, though, Kathleen, you and I both know you'd have done that anyhow."

"Damn right, I'm not going to take the money with me."

"What are you telling Mom and the girls about coming out here."

"I didn't, we're telling them I'm out here for an emergency consult."

"How are you going to pull that off, a psychiatrist on emergency consultation?"

"Clinical trials that I've been working on back home are being researched out here, nobody will question it."

"Does your mind ever stop thinking," he stated as he pulled in to his assigned parking.

"Rarely," she laughed, "with all the kids in this family…and my teenagers, can't afford not to be thinking ahead of them, all the time, just you wait, till you have kids," and since she was getting out of the car, missed seeing the smile on his face.

"Kathleen, I've got a favor to ask."

"Derek, trust me, from what I hear, you love her, and you intend to marry her."

"From what you hear?"

"You forget, we all keep in touch with Mark, and I did speak with him this morning."

"I love her, Kathleen, and I don't want her upset, there's too much going on right now, and I'll tell you about it, I will, but I want you to meet her, before we talk I want you to meet her, so you can understand…all I love about her."

"I'm not Nancy, I'll make up my own mind about her."

"Fair enough," he said as they walked towards the hospital entrance, and he dialed Meredith's number.

"Hey, where are you?"

"Are you back?"

"Yes."

"Cafeteria, having lunch."

"Ok, see you in a few minutes."

Meredith began to fidget with her watch, just as Mark approached the table where she sat with Cristina, Izzie and Alex.

"Grey, I owe you," he said placing a cup of coffee in front of her, and leaning close whispered for her ears only, "don't react to what's in it, pretend it's coffee."

She looked at him, surprised by the gesture and took a sip of the drink, and smiled as the taste registered.

"Pretty good coffee, isn't it?"

"It is, thank you."

"We can't drink alcohol on the job, but thought this would do, given the bet is over and all…interesting…all it took was…nine…nine days," he emphasized and she joined in his laughter.

She felt his presence as he walked in the cafeteria, and their gazes locked, lost in the pleasure of their secret, the tiny secret shared between them.

"She's perfect for you," Kathleen whispered to him.

"How do you know who she is?"

"She's with Mark, the one sharing in laughter with Mark."

"You still haven't told me, how you know it's her."

"Her eyes were on you the minute we walked in, and they haven't wavered."

"You're right, it's her."

"She loves you. I can see it in her eyes."

They reached the table, and Derek leaned down to kiss her, as Mark took Kathleen in his arms and embraced her.

"My favorite shrink, I have missed you."

"I've missed you too," she said hugging him back and kissing him on the cheek.

"Now, explain to me why you are flirting with Meredith, and more importantly, why Derek hasn't decked you?"

Meredith was pleasantly surprised by her openness, and said a silent prayer of thanks she was not like Nancy. The rest of the observants were curiously taking in the exchange.

"Meredith," she said, surprising her with a kiss on the cheek, "I am absolutely delighted to finally meet you."

"Kathleen…I'm…I'm delighted…truly…to meet you as well."

"I gather you are all residents, and since Derek has lost his manners, I'm, Kathleen, his much wiser sister."

"Older sister," Derek commented, and sat next to Meredith.

"Stop now, Derek Christopher, you know we don't pay attention to age in our family," she said and proceeded to make small talk with the group and Mark, as she noticed the intimate looks between Meredith and Derek.

"Told you, she was different than Nancy."

"Yes, you did."

"Are you feeling ok?"

"Yes."

"Did you have a healthy lunch?"

"I did, " she said smiling, "and look Mark brought me coffee."

"Should you be drinking…"

"Taste," she said, "handing him the cup."

"Meredith…"

"Please…"

He did as she asked, and smiled, reaching for her hand, and kissing her.

"Good coffee Mark, nice blend."

"I thought so, I figured you weren't here, so I'd feed her addiction, make up for placing the bet and all," he laughed.

"Mark, you and Derek are still acting like children placing bets?"

"Kat, this hospital has taken bets to a whole different level, and your brother and Meredith here, have truly risen to the occasion."

"Do I kill you now, or later," Derek stated.

"Wait till later, after you feed us tonight. Come on, Kat, let me show you around, Shep and Grey are about due some alone time, it's been what two hours since they saw each other?"

"Mark, stop teasing them."

"Kathleen, you have no idea what those two are like, it's like watching…let me see what's a good comparison…"he paused, and with a grin quickly added, "almost makes you think of a baby on a two to three hour feeding schedule, they can't function if they don't see each other that often," he stated and roared at the warning looks he got from both Meredith and Derek.

The others exchanged the corresponding comments and pleasantries, before leaving Meredith, Derek, Mark and Kathleen alone.

"Kathleen, I've got to check on some labs that are pending, do you mind, waiting around with this idiot for a while?"

"Not at all, I'm looking forward to a tour, from the man whore's perspective."

Meredith joined in the conversation, "Kathleen, do you mean he's had that nickname since before he got here?"

"He's had that nickname way back to college days."

"Oh," Derek interrupted, "make sure he tells you all about his newly formed club."

"Really?"

"Shep, you're pushing your luck…I'm willing to make allowances for Grey, after all, she is going to make me…"

"Mark," they both said simultaneously.

"This is interesting…now, Derek do tell me, why you're not bent out of shape with Mark flirting with Meredith, we did hear about his stitches…"

"They're friends, and he knows," he said looking at Meredith, "what she means to me."

"Besides, Kathleen…the most important thing is she's made it possible for me to be a…"

"Mark!!"

"What? It's not a secret, the entire hospital knows she agreed I'd be the best man at your wedding."

"Derek, you are getting married?"

"We are," Meredith answered, surprising them all, "we just haven't talked about a date yet," and reaching for Derek's hand gently squeezed it.

"Meredith, that is wonderful," Kathleen said while reaching out to hug her, "you have no idea how happy I am to be here."

"I'm glad you're here too," Meredith said with heartfelt emotion as shed felt the need to hug her back, and for the first time in her life allowed herself to believe, she could, she would be part of a loving family. Derek's family.

"Ok. Mark, I'll meet up with you in about twenty minutes."

"Kathleen, I'll see you tonight, Derek has a wonderful meal planned."

"As long as Meredith is not cooking, we should be fine."

"Mark, that's awful."

"He's actually right," she laughed "I'll see you later," she said as she and Derek walked away holding hands.

"Mark, what's wrong, when I spoke to Derek last night, he was…hurting and broken, and now, what's changed?"

"He's going to talk to you…let him tell you, but, Kathleen, they're ok, they are going to be ok, and last night, it looked like there was no hope for them."

"What changed?"

"What changed," he said, and she noticed the unusual reflective gaze, "love changed, the power of their love for one another."

"Mark Sloan, you are a man of hidden complexities."

"He's my brother again. Finally," he said, emotion evident in his voice, " he forgave me."

"I'm glad, for you both, you need each other."

"Yeah…we do. But, Kathleen, she's…she's my sister now too."

"You are a surprise to me…but I always knew you had it in you."

"Wait till you get to know her, you're going to want to protect her too."

Meanwhile, Derek and Meredith walked to get the rest of her lab results.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm so sorry, we've had two people call in sick with the flu, and we are terribly backed logged. I was able to get the first tests done, but the quantitative blood work hasn't been processed, but we will have it later today."

"Thank you, I'm out for the afternoon, but, I'd appreciate it if you could have it sent up to my office."

"Dr. Shepherd, I could pick it up, if you'd like, since we need to start treatment as soon as possible."

"That's good, yes, Dr. Grey, that would be fine."

They walked away, and he said quietly, "let's go to my office for a few minutes."

"Derek, I really like Kathleen, do you think she'll like me? I mean…when she goes back…and your mother asks, and your other sister…I mean, they already know Nancy hates me…and I was the slutty intern…and I was, but now…well, time has gone by, and we're together…and you…"

"Meredith, breath," he stopped, and smiling at her opened the door to his office.

"I think she liked me."

"She loved you."

"I don't know about that, but like…that's fine…"

"Meredith, she's going to love you. She already thinks you're perfect for me."

"She does. Really?"

"Yes, really."

"I liked her, a lot."

"Good. Hey, I missed you," he said, drawing her close and kissing her, then teasingly added, "your lips still taste like milk," and both laughed.

"Derek, I could not believe it, when he brought me the cup, and told me not to react and pretend it was coffee."

"He's taking his godfather role very seriously."

"It's kind of cute, but I almost killed him when I thought he was going to say something."

"He's not going to. Trust me, he …he values our friendship, what we just got back, he values that too much to risk it again. We both do."

"I'm glad Derek, you two need each other. I've got to go, I'll meet you at the trailer after work."

"Take it easy, don't over do it."

"Yes, dad."

"I worry about you," he said, caressing her abdomen, "I worry about you both."

"We're fine," she said, placing her hand over his, "right baby, we're both fine."

"I love you Meredith," he said and brushed her lips lightly with his.

"We love you too."

A/N 5/9 – It's hard not to bring in last night's episode into the story. I've tried to write Meredith and Derek as much in character as reflected on Grey's, but last night…well, let's just say it was hard to write after that episode, because here, Derek does not sleep with Rose, and I'm still trying to understand why they did that on Grey's. This was a bit of therapy for me.


	80. Chapter 80

Ch 78 -

**Ch 78 – Something…special**

They had agreed to meet Derek by the nurse's station, and were laughing as they approached the counter. Kathleen's arm linked with his did not go unnoticed by some of the FAB4 team, and treated him accordingly.

"Ladies, it's a beautiful afternoon."

"Dr. Sloan," Amy Lynn and Stephanie responded coolly.

"Mark, you are never going to change, I can't believe they've formed a club against you."

"Not all of them," he said, as Tracy approached, not liking the familiarity with the woman in his arm one bit.

"Dr. Sloan, busy day, I see."

"Not really, didn't have much to do the last hour."

"Obviously found something."

Noticing the tension and bit of antagonism from the group, Kathleen picked up on the dagger looks sent his way by the newest participant, and decided to have fun.

"Mark, you've outdone yourself this time, a club against you…why would the nurses even think of such a thing, I know, I'd never complain."

"Maybe because he's man whore," Amy Lynn muttered under her breath.

"Oh, did I hear the magic word," she laughed, "Mark, even here, they know about it?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Men…totally oblivious, Mark, introduce me, or do I have to do this on my own again?"

The three nurses were not happy with him right now, and had no clue to the identify of the mystery woman, who seemed to be enjoying herself by teasing him.

"Oh…yeah, of course."

"Ladies, Tracy, this is Kathleen, my favorite shrink, and," he winked at Tracy noting her annoyance, "Dr. Shepherd's sister."

"Well, why didn't you say so at the beginning and spared us the hostility directed her way."

"AmyLynn, that would not have been any fun, would it, and just imagine the bets taking place about the gorgeous woman with Sloan."

"Mark, I'm not the one you need to flatter," she smiled, "tell me, Tracy, how long have you two been seeing each other?"

Neither Mark or Tracy responded as Derek joined them.

"Ready to go?"

"Yes, and I changed my mind, I'm actually starving."

"Shep, everything ok with the labs you were waiting on?"

"They're not ready, having them sent to my office later today."

"It was great to see you Kat, see you at Derek's."

"Nice to meet you ladies."

Mark stayed and pulled Tracy aside. "Hey, I'll see you tonight."

"That was not very nice Mark."

"What?"

"Flaunting another woman like that, I know we're not exclusive, but that was…"

"I'm not sleeping with anyone else."

"Neither am I."

"We're ok, then?"

"I suppose. Next time introduce me."

"I might point out, you were not at the counter, and I specifically introduced you."

"Fine. Have fun at dinner."

"It's, I need to spend time with her and Derek and Meredith, they're my family."

"I know, I don't have an issue with that. I'll see you tonight."

"Derek, how long has he been dating Tracy?"

"Kathleen, you've been here twenty minutes and you're already interrogating people? Isn't discretion and subtleness part of your job?"

"But, I'm not on the job, I'm dealing with family."

"They've actually just started seeing each other. You have any preferences for lunch."

"Nope, you decide, I'm going to enjoy not having to plan or make menu choices" she said, and linked her arm through his.

"Tell me about home, fill me in on everyone."

"Well, Jenna has of course taken center stage, though you'd think we'd be used to babies by now. But, not us, Mom's already started knitting, as though this was the most important and precious grandchild."

"But they are, Kathleen, don't you feel that way…each new baby…is special. I miss that,

enjoying all those special occasions."

"Derek," she said softly, hearing the wistfulness in his voice, "each one is special…and one day…one day, when you have yours…it will be so special."

"I hope so."

"It will be, and you can always move back."

"My life is here now. I can't imagine ever being anywhere but here."

"Do you think Meredith would move?"

"She didn't even agree to move from her house, much less across the country."

"Derek," she interrupted with concern, "Meredith said you'd be getting married."

"So she did."

"Derek, what's wrong? There seems to be two totally different and contradicting issues going on, you're going to have to talk to me."

"We will," he said, as they reached his car, and he opened her door. "I need to, but we'll wait, till we're home, because, Kathleen, once I start, I won't be able to stop," he paused, and she saw the sadness in his eyes, "and I can't break down in front of the entire world."

He drove to the waterfront and while having lunch, they spent the time catching up on family. It had been over a year he thought, two Christmases, two Thanksgivings, and countless birthdays and celebrations he had missed.

It was almost two thirty when they headed back, when he recalled passing a store on the way, and suddenly knew what he wanted to get her. "Kathleen, I know you must be tired, and want to unpack and settle in, but I want to make a stop, do you mind, I don't think it will take long."

"Derek, I'm not eighty!"

"You're beautiful, you don't look any older than the ten years ago."

"You have to say that."

"No, I don't, you really do, there's a sense of serenity always within you, and it shows."

"Uhmm… it's called love Derek, what I share with my husband, our kids, our family, it's the core of my life."

"I want that…I want that for her…and she's never had it."

"She loves you, that's so clear."

"I love her too, but it has not been easy, I haven't… I haven't given her that."

"Does she doubt that, that you love her."

"Not now, I think, but, I've given her enough reasons to doubt."

"The way she looks at you, right now, I think she knows."

"Here, we are," he said grinning, "pointing to the world renowned store."

"Tiffany's…Derek, are you thinking of buying a ring? That could take hours."

"No, it's just… I need to get her something…something special."

Kathleen reflected on the time they had spent together, but was unable to identify what was going on with him, with them, because this was definitely about Meredith and Derek. The psychiatrist in her felt frustrated and wanted to force him to get to the point, but the sister was patiently waiting to discover the reasons behind her brother's despair the night before, and the sadness and hope of today.

They walked in and were offered assistance right away, and he told them he was looking for a gift, something simple, and wanted to look around. The assumption was made they were husband and wife, and they laughed at the suggestion, clarifying they were siblings.

"Derek, what kind of gift do you want, there's quite a selection here, something with a diamond, a stone?"

"No, I'll know when I see it, maybe they won't even have something here at all."

"Derek, we are at Tiffany, of course they'll have something here," she said, and he started to walk away, and she joined him at the case where he was looking at various silver items.

"Do you think these look too plain, these items," he asked.

"I don't know Meredith's taste, but some of these things are very pretty, I've always loved her collections, maybe if you told me the occasion, I could help."

"These are a nice collection, you're familiar with the designer?"

"Yes, Elsa Peretti, very familiar, in fact I bought your goddaughter that bracelet for her graduation, and I buy the baby items as gifts all the time."

He wasn't really listening to her, as something caught his eye, and asked to see it, and when he had it in his hand, knew it was the perfect gift for Meredith.

"What do you think, is this pretty, do you think she'll like it?"

"I think she will love that," noting the expression on his face, and partly interpreting the meaning behind it.

The afternoon went by quickly, much more so than he'd expected, and when they reached the island, he knew there wasn't a lot of time left for them to talk before Mark and Meredith joined them.

"Derek, this is lovely, truly a beautiful spot, you didn't need to get the suite for me."

"Of course I did, I wanted you to enjoy the view, and have a place to relax, and the owners here, at Skiff House are very accommodating."

"Thank you, it's a wonderful choice. Give me about 30 minutes to unpack and shower, and we'll be ready to go. Now go on, and sit on the deck, and enjoy the view."

"Derek, answer my phone, I forgot to bring it up here," she yelled to him from the loft.

"Where is it?"

"In my purse."

"I can't go through your purse."

"Just do it, damn it, before it goes to voice mail."

"Fine," he said, and then "hello."

"Damn good thing I know you're her brother."

"You know she'd never consider anyone but you."

"Hey, man whore's out there, you never know."

"Some things never change," Derek laughed.

"Shep, you ok?"

"Yeah…I will be…and I'm sorry, for dragging her out here, but…thanks…"

"You needed her. She wouldn't have it any other way."

"I know, and by the way, she told me you've been dying to come out here to go fishing and camping…so, just tell me when you want to fly out here. You have a standing invitation."

"Thanks, I'm going to take you up on that, and I mean soon."

"Look forward to it. I've missed seeing you guys."

"So has she."

"I know…I'm going to change that, make the effort to get home."

"Are you going to let me talk to my wife?"

"We just got to the bed and breakfast, she's in the shower, and getting ready to go to my place, she'll call you as soon as she's done."

"Tell her the kids want to talk to her, and your sisters and Mom are being a pain in the ass."

"What else is new?"

"Yeah, you're going to owe me for this one, all the lies about where she's at."

"Whatever it takes, just ask for it."

"I think that camping trip and fishing should do it for now. Shep, hope it all works out."

"It will. I know it will. Thanks again, for your support."

"We're family, that's all that matters."

"Kathleen, I'm going to go pick up some stuff for tonight's dinner, I'll be back, take your time, and don't forget to call home."

It was almost four o'clock by the time they were on the way to the trailer.

"Derek, this is beautiful, this land, I can see why you fell in love with it."

"You haven't seen anything yet, wait till you see the lake, and the stream, and the site where I'm going to build a home."

"You're never going back, are you? Seattle, it's home now."

"I hope so, and to build my life with her."

"Derek, why the doubts?"

"If I only knew where to start?"

"How about the beginning?"

"Yeah…the beginning… or maybe…maybe it's the end where it begins."

"I'm here, for as long as you need… I'd thought two or three days, but, Derek, a few more days won't matter, and I need for you to be ok."

"I don't think you have to move out permanently," he joked.

"Stop doing that."

"What?"

"Avoiding the issues, by joking or diverting the subject."

"I'm not doing that."

"You've been doing it for years. And Derek, it won't work, not now."

"I called you. I'm not going to do that."

"Good. We understand each other."

"I want what you have. Twenty years from now, I want that, the love you still have for each other, the kids, the family… I want all that with her, and I don't know how to make her …how I can make her believe she can have it too."

"Derek you can't make her believe anything, she needs to believe that herself."

"I know."

"But, loving her, being there for her, showing her how much you do love her, that speaks for itself, and there's trust, you need trust between you, do you have that?"

"We…we're slowly getting it back…building from scratch in many ways."

"That's a start."

They had arrived at his trailer and he stopped the car, and she got out immediately.

"Oh my God, it's really a trailer, I mean, I knew it was, but Derek, you live in a trailer," she laughed, "how in the world did Addie last out here more than a week?"

"It wasn't pretty."

"She had to hate this, despise it in fact."

"She did, but I have to give her credit, she tried, she really tried to make it work."

"Meredith loves this, doesn't she?"

"She was the first person I brought here."

"What was her reaction?"

"Complete trust in me, I spent two month with her, and then one night, I gave her snippets of my life and asked her to take the rest of it on faith…and she did…"

"But…"

"Addie showed up…and I had not told her."

"Oh my God, Derek, how could you?"

"You're not being a good shrink Kathleen, you're supposed to be objective."

"I'm your sister first, and I get to call it like it is… if you did that, you were an ass."

"Yes. Yes I was…and even after that, she still trusted me."


	81. Chapter 81

_To all the moms hope it was a wonderful day...and for those of you that don't have children, hope you and your moms have wonderful loving memories to cherish for lifetime and beyond._

_**Chapter 79 – Bets anyone? **_

While Kathleen and Derek spent the afternoon catching up on family news, the activities of Seattle Grace carried on with minor exceptions.

Meredith was walking by the surgical board when Mark stopped her. "Grey, how would you like to scrub in with me, include one of your interns?"

"Why? You don't normally like to teach interns?"

"But you do," Mark said, "and you'll be there."

"Why do I think there's an ulterior motive?"

"Scrub in with me, "Mark said, "it's easier to keep an eye on you."

"You're keeping an eye on me…Derek asked you to do that? I'm going to kill him."

"No, he didn't. But, you better get used to the idea he's going to be overprotective as hell, and he's going to expect that I watch over you, whether he asks or not."

"What's the real reason," Meredith asked, "and don't lie to me."

"Derek's right."

"About what?"

"You are bossy and feisty…I see why he likes it."

"Mark Sloan…you better not be flirting with me…"

"I gave up on that…"

"You gave up on flirting, seriously…Mark, you are the biggest…"

"I gave up on flirting with you…Grey, you're going to be a Mom. I can't flirt with a pregnant woman."

"You promised not to say anything…till we…till I go to the doctor… I want to wait."

"I'm keeping your secret. Come on, walk with me to my office and scrub in with me in 30 minutes."

"Only," she said as she walked next to him. "If you tell me why you suddenly want me in there."

"Fine. Rose is the scrub nurse."

Meredith stopped, "why…why would you do that…do that to me?"

"I'm not doing that to you, I want to do this for you. You are a professional and talented doctor, not to mention a very strong woman, and you can deal with it."

"Mark, no…please…I can't…"

"Yes, you can. You walked out last night, leaving everyone talking, and I do not want that to be an image of you, weak and running out of Joe's because of that woman's actions. He wants you. He's chosen you, and he loves you."

"Why…why are you doing this? Suddenly, why are you my knight…"

"I've never been anyone's knight," Mark told her. "Haven't you heard, I'm only a man whore."

"What's changed," she asked as she followed him to his office.

"My best friend, the man I considered my brother, finally forgave me…" he told her, and she saw the truth of his emotions, "he forgave me for betraying him, and sleeping with his wife…and now…he's given me a chance…a chance to get my brother back, and has trusted me with the two most precious things in his life; you and your baby."

"Mark," she said with tears in her eyes, "you think…really…you think he sees me…as a precious thing in his life."

"Meredith, he loves you, I have never seen him feel this way about anyone…not even Addie who was his wife for eleven years. What he feels for you…don't doubt it, you are precious to him."

"Do you think, maybe…it's just because now, there's a baby," she said softly, while he saw the tears continue gathering in her eyes.

"Meredith," he said softly, in a role he was not often used to, "Derek loves you. It's that simple and that complex, because it's about love."

"Sometimes…really more often than not, I feel I'm not good enough for him, you know…" she lowered her voice to a whisper, "dark and twisty…all …so many issues…just not worthy of him."

"Why are you whispering?"

"I…I told Derek, we can't let the baby hear those things…we can't let that be part of the baby's life."

"Meredith, I don't know all of what happened last night, after you left Joe's. But, I do know he was tormented, and this morning when Kathleen called me, she was very concerned. What I do know, without any doubts, is that you are the most important thing in his life, baby or not."

"Mark, I'm glad…really glad that you two have found each other again…I mean, that you can be there for one another, he needs that."

"What he most needs is you. To know you're ok, there's not doubt about that in my mind, you …you being safe, that's all that matters to him."

"You sound so sure," Meredith said.

"I have no doubts," Mark told her, "and neither should you."

"I'm trying…very hard."

"Let me tell you something," Mark began to tell her. "I think it's time you know…I think it's something you two need to address, because I don't think you have."

"Is it bad…is it something…" she interrupted him.

"It's not bad, it's reality. When you drowned, that day, I had already lost my friend, but

that day I was afraid the man…the essence of who he is, would die right along with you…" he paused to clear his throat, "I found my friend, sitting down on the floor across the room where they were trying to revive you, and he was broken and lost and crying, and that day, that day was the first time he allowed me in…just for a few seconds, but he allowed me to be his friend again."

"He was crying…on the floor," she said as she sat down across from him, feeling lightheaded and dizzy.

"Meredith, are you ok?"

"Just…just need to sit down, Mark…I didn't know, he was there…and like that…and…" she started to cry. "I know he pulled me out of the water, and saved me…breathed for me, but I …I didn't know he sat…and cried…that I did that to him."

"Hey, don't do this, I didn't say that to make you cry. I just wanted…wanted you to now how much he loves you…how scared he was of losing you, how he prayed to get you back. That has nothing to do with a baby, that had to do, and still has to do with the fact that you truly are the love of his life, even when he's an ass, and can't show it…you are."

"Mark, the things I said to him, the awful things I said to him last night," she continued to cry, "how can he ever forgive me."

"He obviously already has. Because, I believe the love you have for one another, yes, this is me talking…the man whore, I believe only happens once in a lifetime, and few people are lucky to find it."

"You…really are very special," she said and first wiped the tears from her face, and then leaned over to kiss his cheek.

"Don't let him know that," Mark teased, "he's insanely jealous."

"He is not."

"Maybe not, but I like to give him a hard time anyway."

"Mark, he is the love of my life."

"I know he is, and that's why I'm going to be your knight, bestman, brother in law…and baby Shepherd's godfather."

"I'm glad…very glad you're his friend…and mine…I think you're my friend too."

"You're not going to be able to get rid of me," Mark winked at her. "I might even change diapers."

"You know," Meredith told him, "one of the things… one of our issues… is trust…he thinks I don't trust him…that I don't trust anyone…"

"Is he right?"

"I'm trying," Meredith answered. "But, I've never had anyone…not really, only Cristina…and now…Lexie and I've been trying to be open."

"Grey… look. I'm sorry, but she is not being a good friend. I know I was a shit friend to Shep, but at least I recognized it…but even in that, if I'm honest, and I told him this already, I did him a favor…"

"Mark, how can you say that…how could you say that to him, you cheated with his wife."

"I know, and it was wrong, and maybe if we could do it over again, maybe I'd point out to him where his marriage was failing, and they were going in two completely different directions; who knows, maybe it would have helped, or ended it sooner, and maybe even Addie and I would have had a chance."

"Did you love her?"

"As much as I can love someone," Mark admitted. "Yeah, I think I did. But, that's another story…another day…how about that, you and I can practice trusting other people…and talking about feelings."

"That could work. I'm learning to be trusting."

"But, Meredith… I think, that I did him a favor; sleeping with Addie, because he found you, and even I can recognize fate's hand in that."

"Fate…" she said, "I'm beginning to believe you're right…about Derek and I…"

"My favorite dirty mistress…"

"Ok, Mark, you can't call me that anymore…" she said and he saw the serious look in her face.

"You're serious?" he laughed.

"Yes…your godchild."

"He or she…can hear me…and knows what I'm talking about?"

"Well, I'm not sure about that," she giggled, "but, if we don't start practicing now, you know you'll call me that sooner or later, and I'm going to be a mom, Mark, My kids can't think of their mom as a dirty mistress."

"Whatever you say," he smiled, "Mom."

"Thank you."

"Is he right? About you, not trusting people?"

"Maybe…yes…but, now, I'm trying, I mean, he and I…we've talked more…well, we've put each other through hell, over the last twelve days or so… but, I'm being open, and not keeping my feelings from him…and Lexie…well, I'm thinking of her as my sister…and this…you and me…talking like this. I'm being trusting… because he trusts you, and you're going to be my baby's godfather."

"I'm here…you know…as a friend…if you need anything. I'll be here, and you can trust me…because Meredith, I never want to jeopardize my relationship with Derek again."

"I know…and he feels the same way."

"Ok… then… you're scrubbing in with me."

"Mark, no… I don't want to…"

"What's this, a weak sister in law?"

"I'm not weak."

"Prove it."

"What's your intention?"

"I'm just going to establish some new rules for Sloan's OR."

"Mark, I don't… I'd rather...not, I don't want to bring attention to it, and really, it doesn't do anything for me, to call her out on it…it's not important, she has to be embarrassed enough."

"Not good enough, and don't worry, I'm only going to establish a new OR rule."

"Mark…it's not my style, to humiliate anyone, and I've had enough of feeding the hospital rumor mill, really, let it go. Derek and I are going to be ok, that's all that matters."

"How can I be your knight, if you don't let me?"

"Now, I do know Derek is going to be jealous, if I call you my knight, and he thinks he is."

"It's ok," Mark smiled at her, "keep him on his toes."

"He knows me better than that…he knows he is;my knight… my knight in shining armor."

"Yes, I believe he does know you…and his place in your life."

"I hope so, I have to make sure he knows…after last night…"

"You're going to be fine, now stop worrying, and don't upset the baby."

"Oh God, you're going to be as bad as Derek," she sighed.

"Probably," he laughed. "Ready, Dr. Grey?"

"You'll be nice…"

"I'll be the best of brother in laws, and stop being so nice, she was a bitch last night."

"That's a reflection on her, not me…and she called me a slut…I have been."

"Hold it right there, didn't you just lecture me on that kind of talk in front of the baby?"

She laughed, "well, I told you…it takes practice…to change old habits."

"Stop that one, right now, because neither he, nor any of us think of you that way."

"Nancy did."

"Well, Kathleen doesn't."

"How do you know, I mean…I think she liked me, but…I was involved with him, and he was married."

"Grey, Shep was an ass. He didn't tell you, and if she doesn't know she will before she leaves."

"I don't think it's that important anymore."

"Obviously it is. But, I'd bet money…"

"What else is new," she said and rolled her eyes.

"Let me finish. I'd bet money, she will hear the truth from Derek himself."

"I don't think they're going to talk about that."

"You don't know Kathleen. She's going to want to know everything. She didn't fly out here to make small talk."

"Oh God, she's going to hate me, when he tells her…when…"

"Meredith, stop it and listen to me."

"We're going to be late. We have to go."

"I'm the surgeon, they can't start without me, and you're going to listen to me. When you and Shep broke up… that stupid break up sex period. Don't look at me like that, the entire hospital knows about it. I told him one day, he may be better off without you, not in those words exactly."

"You did what…and now…you're pretending…you're pretending…"

"No, I am not pretending. That day, he told me off, he was so clear about what you needed, your fears…I began to understand a little, and then, the day in the scrub room…Halloween…do you remember my comment?"

"Yes," she answered softly, still moved by the words he'd uttered.

"The apple fell far from the tree…you remember that?"

"Yes, I was very touched by it. I loved my mother…but…that day…that meant a lot…"

"So was I, and ever since then, I see the vulnerability and what Shep sees, and all the reasons he loves you, and I told Kathleen, once she got to know you, she'd want to protect you too."

"You told her that…"

"Yes."

"But…that makes me sound…horrible…Mark that makes me sound weak and pathetic…"

"That's where you're wrong, that makes you just who you are, a beautiful, compassionate, caring, loyal individual; that with all the crap you've had in your life, should have turned out to be a selfish cold hard bitch, and instead, when we get the chance to know you, we are reminded how rare your qualities are, and how lucky we are to have a glimpse of them, in someone so close to us."

"Mark, you know…you know…I'm pregnant, and hormones, and everything…you know I'm going to cry when you say things like that…" she said, and he reached for her and let her cry on his shoulder.

"I also told her, you're my sister now too…and I mean that…all kidding aside…you and Derek…you're my family and I want to prove to him and you…that I'm worthy of that…of being part of your family."

"You are…you truly are," she said, and wiped the remaining tears away.

They were ready to walk in to the scrub room, when she said, "Mark, thank you, for telling me about Derek…and the day…the day I drowned. I have a lot to make up for."

"I don't think he feels that way. I think he's happy just knowing you're by his side."

"Yes…but, I need to prove to him…he needs to trust me…" she said, without elaborating.

"Let's go, and don't chicken out on me…just follow my lead."

"That's what I'm afraid of…"

"All you need to do is remember he loves you…only you."

They were on the way to the scrub room, when they came across Cristina and two of her interns, when Mark joined them and interrupted the conversation.

"Dr. Yang, would you mind if one of your interns scrubbed in for a surgery with me?"

"No sir, of course not, did you have anyone in mind?"

"Yes, Dr. Grey."

"That's fine Dr. Sloan," Cristina agreed without questioning it, "it's not a problem. Dr. Grey, go scrub in, I'll see you later."

Lexie walked with Mark and Meredith, and he asked Meredith, "do you want to get another of your interns to join us?"

"Yes, I'll page them, thank you," she smiled.

"You're welcome," he said, acknowledging their silent communication that she understood he'd asked Lexie to be there to offer moral support.

They were scrubbed in and as soon as they walked in the OR Rose approached him to help with the final preparations of gowning and gloving, when he stopped her.

"Rose, please get another scrub nurse."

"Excuse me, Dr. Sloan."

"I have a new policy," Mark told her, "no one is allowed in my OR within 24 hours of being visibly inebriated."

"There's no such hospital policy," she challenged.

"I believe hospital policy addresses no drinking eight to twelve hours before a shift begins; however, it's my policy that no one is allowed in my OR, within twenty four hours of a state similar to yours last night."

"Mark, you don't have to…" Meredith said low enough for only Mark to hear.

"I will take this up with HR."

"Please do. I'm short a scrub nurse in here, can someone call for a replacement immediately?"

"Mark, that was harsh," Meredith said quietly, as they waited away from the rest, until someone came in to finish gowning them.

"Grey, toughen up," he teased whispering for her ears only, "don't want a wimp for a godchild."

"You are a dead man."

"Why, just defending my sister in law's honor."

"I meant for calling my child a wimp."

"Mama bear…"

"Yeah, don't forget it. But you are also feeding gossip all over the hospital."

"You're not really mad, are you?"

"No, just…well," Meredith said, "that was humiliating."

"So was her behavior last night, not to mention the consequences, she got off scot free."

They began the surgery about ten minutes later. "Dr. Grey," he said, and to his amusement, both Meredith and Lexie answered. "Two Grey's in my OR, didn't think of how confusing that could be. Maybe we need to start differentiating between the two of you. Let's see, I guess it's a bit early to start calling you Dr. Shepherd… but maybe we can compromise…"

"Dr. Sloan…"

"Grey, stop being shy, you and Derek have already agreed I'm your bestman, and you admitted to Kathleen you're getting married…"

Meredith rose to his taunt. "Well, she is his sister, and that's a little different…Dr. Sloan…rather than the entire OR."

"Grey, what's the big deal, we all know the bet's over…McDreamy is back…what was it…nine days," he roared, "and you're going to marry him."

"Dr. Sloan, you really are not very good at keeping secrets."

"I have it…Grey it is for the future Mrs. Shepherd…Dr. Grey will be Lexie, can we keep that straight?"

"I think we can manage," Meredith said, "Lexie, does that work while answering to Dr. Sloan?"

"Yes, that works," Lexie replied smiling behind the face mask.

"Ok…let's continue… Dr. Grey," he addressed Lexie. "Would you like to step closer so you can assist?"

"Yes…yes… of course… of course Dr. Sloan," Lexie moved in closer.

"Dr. Grey…just keep ramblings to a minimum…"

The whole OR had been quiet at his initial request, given his lack of patience and distaste for teaching, but Meredith was the first to laugh, followed by the others at his second comment to Lexie.

"What!! I can teach… I enjoy teaching …sometimes."

"Of course, Dr. Sloan," Meredith commented, trying to keep from laughing again.

"Grey, don't be a smart ass…I can see the smirk."

Everyone in the OR laughed again; his lack of patience was legendary, and all would walk out and comment about the afternoon's events, and before the day was over, bets were taking place in regard to the upcoming nuptials of Dr. Shepherd and Meredith Grey.

"Let's move along people…this is looking really good, we're not going to take as long as I expected…so…anyone care to start the bets…"

_A/N messed up when I posted chapter 80, so there are two in one here._

_**Chapter 80 - Two hearts**_

Derek led Kathleen inside the trailer commenting, "this, it's not as bad I'm sure, as Nancy made it sound."

"You're right. But, I can see you here…I just hope not for long."

"That's the plan…to build a home."

"Derek, what you said earlier, trust…it's a big issue between you, isn't it?"

"One of the major ones."

"We need to talk about this, obviously, we're not going to finish this conversation before Meredith and Mark get here, but I'm not letting you avoid it."

"We're not. I thought we'd spend the day together tomorrow, we can talk…all day…we can talk…"

"You're not working?"

"I took the next few days off after I called you, this morning I made arrangements for the next two days off."

"How do you feel about playing tour guide?"

"You want to hit all the tourist places, The Needle…Pioneer Square…"

"Actually, no, I've read a couple of books that took place in the San Juan Islands, and have seen some footage, and I'd kind of like to go there…maybe we can even spend the night and come back the next day, I looked it up and it's about a three hour drive."

"We can drive up…but I can't stay the night. I've got to be back here by seven tomorrow."

"I thought you took the day off."

"It's Meredith, she…she took the first steps and has an appointment with a therapist tomorrow, and I need to be here."

"Of course…I understand that. Derek, that's an important step, whatever problems you have, that's very important."

"Yes, it is, especially for her."

"Then you have to be there for her."

"Kathleen, what did you think of her?"

"I think she's wonderful."

"Really? You really do?"

"Yes, and I find her vulnerable and beautiful and completely in love with you, and that is all that matters to me. But, Derek when you called, something very wrong was going on."

"There was, and it was important…very important to me that you meet her first, without telling you all that has happened, because, I don't want you judging her…Kathleen, I won't have anyone judging her. I wanted you to see for yourself… why I love her…not all the issues that she's had to deal with."

"I already told you, I'd make up my own mind."

"Yes, but, our lives, since we met, and this last year…it's been hell, and I almost lost her. I can't lose her again…that's what my call was about."

"Do you mean the back and forth, and yes I know about that…"

"No, literally, I lost her…" he paused, tears filling his eyes, "she drowned…and I pulled her out of the water…and she was gone…"

"Derek…she drowned…"

"Yeah…" he said overcome with emotion, "and everyday I live in fear of losing her…"

"Oh, Derek," she said with brimming tears of her own, "I'm so sorry," and pulled him into her arms and let him cry.

"Last night," he said, "last night was about that…that fear that never goes away."

"But, today, you both seemed happy, like all was alright."

"It is. But, there's a lot we need to work on, and she took the first step with therapy, and I need…I have to do the same, but I needed you…I needed you to be the one that helps me when I fall apart."

"Derek, that's very dramatic…since what I've seen, the two of you together…"

"We love each other Kathleen, that's the only thing that's helping, the only thing that gives me hope."

"What can I do?"

"You're here," Derek told his sister, "that's a start."

"Tell you what, let's enjoy tonight, and tomorrow we talk…you start at the beginning and we talk through it all. You can join me at the B & B which is lovely, or I can come here."

"We can drive to the San Juan's. If we leave early we can still get back in time."

"Derek that's pushing it, we can go there another time. I'll be back, especially since you've now made the offer to my fishing addicted husband and he's all ready to fly out here."

"Hey, it's not a bad drive, we can go. If you're still an early riser, we can leave by seven and be back here in plenty of time. It's up to you, since you're the one that would be jet lagged."

"I'm perfectly fine, and I'd love to go, if you don't mind."

"Then that's the plan."

"Let me help with dinner."

"Sit down and relax, I'm going to marinate the meat and everything else won't take long. I hope Mer's not too late, so I can take you out to the site, you can see where we're going to build our house."

"Derek," his sister said, "you have a trailer next to yours, care to tell me about that?"

He laughed and explained why Richard Webber was his neighbor.

"Kathleen," he said, and added after a few minutes of silence, "I've never loved anyone like I love her."

"I can see that."

"And I have hurt her so much."

"Has she hurt you too?"

"Yes, but…most of the time…it was because of my own behavior."

"Derek, you can't take the blame for everything that goes wrong in a relationship."

"I'm not, but I know…I know each time I failed her, I drove her away by reiterating all her doubts, and we almost didn't make it."

"But now, you think you're going to make it?"

"I know we are. We both do, no matter what, we're committed to making it work. It's been hard, the last two weeks have been hell, but where we are, where we are right now, there's no going back."

"So, basically," Kathleen said, "you need to go back and deal with your issues…one by one…individually and together."

"Yeah…basically."

"I can deal with that, it's my specialty, remember?"

"I remember."

"Good, and you should also remember I'm one of the best in my field."

"Uhmm…Shepherd cockiness rears its ugly head," he teased. "Here, toss the salad, you can help with that."

"Is that cheesecake chocolate?"

"One of Mer's favorite, and lately, she's been cr…" he stopped before revealing more information.

"You are trying very hard to please her."

"I'm only making up for some of the times I…I should have treated her better."

"Derek, relationships… they require two people …two committed people."

"I know. It sounds like they're here, I can hear the cars driving up, when she gets here…"

"Derek, relax. I like her, a lot, and from what you've said, and Mark, I think he's right."

"What's that?"

"He said she was his sister now too, and that once I got to know her, I'd want to protect her too."

"He said that?"

"He was a totally different Mark, his demeanor about her, very protective."

Yes…I think he's right…I hope you will see all that I see in her."

"I think I already have. Derek, her eyes, when I look at the expression in her eyes, I've never felt such a powerful emotion…her eyes are truly windows to her soul."

"That's her…that's what I see, when I look in her eyes."

"It's much more than that…it's especially powerful, when she's looking at you."

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"For really looking at her…for capturing who she is…who she is to me…what we are to each other."

"It's hard to miss…and I'm going to make sure to help you both heal, and build a strong relationship."

"I love you Kathleen," he said with deep emotion.

"As I love you," his sister said. "Hey, when are you giving her the necklace?"

"Now…when we go out to the site…so maybe you can help me get a few moments of privacy, and keep Mark occupied."

He could hear Meredith's laughter as she walked to the front door and swung it open.

"Derek, I think you are going to want to kill Mark," she said as she walked up to him.

"I did nothing to warrant killing me; I was strictly defending your honor."

She smiled at Derek, and kissed him softly, "Derek, you are truly going to want to kill him, he's made us the main attraction again, and even started taking bets in front of me."

"Mark, what the hell did you do this time?"

"Kathleen, see what I get…I try to be gallant, and all I get is this kind of crap…"

Meredith stood in front of Derek and slipped her arms around him. "I missed you."

"Me too…did you get…"

"Yes…" she said loosing herself in his gaze, and smiling.

"Shep…stop with the eye sex, you do have company."

"Mark, why don't you show Kathleen the lake, before it's too dark. We'll meet you in a couple of minutes, so we can go out and show her where we're building."

"Derek, we can see in tomorrow," Kathleen told him.

"You have to see the view," Derek told her. "Kat, the view at dusk is spectacular."

She noticed the longing looks between Meredith and Derek, and knew they needed a moment alone.

"Mark, show me the lake."

"You're a smart woman, wearing sensible sneakers," he said as they walked out the door, "he ruined my three hundred dollar shoes dragging me out through the mud at the crack of dawn."

The minute they were left alone he drew her to him and embraced her. "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Did you look at your test results?"

"I did, but it's not my specialty, so we really do need to wait for the doctor to review them, and I think it looks fine, the HCG levels are definitely higher…but other than that, we need to wait."

"It's really official now…no more doubts," he said and kissed her softly.

"No more doubts…I'm definitely pregnant."

"I can't wait…Meredith…till I can see…the baby growing…watch you …"

"Get fat…" she joked.

"You're going to be beautiful…and I can't wait to see the changes…"

"I did say, I'd let you feel those changes…later…"

"Tease."

"Derek, there's one change you can see right now…" she smiled.

"Meredith, Mark and Kathleen…they're waiting for us…"

"You're mind is in the gutter…this is what I meant," she said, and lifted her shirt and sweater.

Derek wasn't quite sure what she meant, and didn't say anything.

"You don't notice anything?"

"Sorry, should I?"

"Derek," she said, "you really don't notice anything?"

"Well, you don't usually go around with your jeans unbuttoned…."

"No, I don't…" she said and watched the realization on his face.

"Meredith…you mean…you're …they don't….button, that's the baby growing…"

"Yeah…that's the baby growing…and making me have to leave these jeans unbuttoned, because it was just too tight to be comfortable."

"Meredith…later tonight, maybe…we can see a baby bump…you think…"

"No…there really isn't…it's too soon, but definitely my waist is larger…that's the reason these jeans are to tight."

"We're having a baby…" he said, and placed his hand on her belly, "he's really there."

"He really is…and making his presence felt more each day…"

"Are you ok…"

"Other than spending lots of time in the bathroom…yeah…I'm ok."

"We should go," he said kissing her, "really do want to share that view with Kathleen."

"Derek, I'm starving, we won't stay long?"

"Just long enough."

"For what?"

"Uhmm… you'll see."

"Derek…don't tease me… I don't like surprises…"

"You've liked your surprises lately," he said and kissed her again.

"I have," Meredith agreed, "maybe…I'll get used to them…"

"Maybe you will…" he teased, "let me get my jacket. Are you warm enough with what you're wearing?"

"Yes," she said kissing him again, this time deeper, eliciting from him, a low deep moan.

"Let's drive down to get them," he said as he reached for her hand, and they got in his four-wheel to drive to the edge of the lake to get Kathleen and Mark.

"Kathleen," Derek said, "this is Meredith's favorite time of day…mine too now…the colors of dusk, and from this view…they are spectacular."

"Get ready to ruin your shoes too."

"Mark, stop complaining…" Kathleen told him just as her phone rang.

"Hi honey, everything ok with the kids…yes, let me talk to her."

"Hey, sweetie, how was your game today? Really, that's great…yes, Uncle Derek really spoke to Dad and asked him to go visit him…well, I don't know when we will see him, but, after I get home from this trip, we'll call Uncle Derek and figure out when we can visit…I know…sweetie, it has been a long time since we've seen him…I'll be home in a few days, right after I finish with my patient…she did, well you tell Grandma, that when Mommy's are doctors, they have to travel unexpectedly sometimes…ok, I love you too.. now let me speak to Dad."

"What the hell is that about?" Mark questioned.

"Mom doesn't know where Kat traveled to."

"You guys are in so much trouble," Mark laughed. "I can't wait till the Shepherded women find out."

"We're driving to the site on Derek's land where he's building a house, and then going back to the trailer for dinner. Uhmmm….yeah…I'd like that too…call me, if you're up…call me later…I love you."

"Kathleen, you've been married for how long…and you still have those conversations, it's pathetic," Mark commented.

"You're just jealous," Kathleen said, "because you haven't got past your man whoring ways."

"Not likely…I'm having great adventures…"

"You're old Mark, time to settle down."

"I'm not old."

"Children…it's been over thirty years …can you please behave," Derek reprimanded, and all four adults laughed.

"Here we are…get ready for a hike," Mark stated, and he helped Kathleen out of the car, and linked her arms through his. Kathleen and Mark linked arms and walked behind Derek, who'd done the same with Meredith.

When they reached the spot he wanted to show his sister, he did not need to say anything, as the view spoke for itself. Dusk had settled deeply into the far away Seattle skyline, and what remained was the deep indigo blue of the sky with just a hint of burnt orange in the background, and the small scattered lights extending from the mountain side to the valley and beyond to the city lights of Seattle.

"Derek, this is beautiful…a perfect location…"

"I thought you might see it that way…"

"It is… I can see why you chose this spot…Meredith, this is a beautiful site for a home."

"Yes, it is…" Meredith said, and leaned in close to Derek.

"Let's walk over, closer to the cliff, you've got to see that site."

"Well… I'm not sure about that," his sister said, "not very fond of cliffs… you two go…"

"Kathleen, you've never…" Mark commented.

"Mark, let's walk over in that direction…turn that flashlight on…looks like there's a couple of chairs to enjoy the view."

Derek smiled at his sister's manipulation, there was no way in hell she was scared of cliffs, but it gave him the moment alone with Meredith he needed.

"Hey, walk with me…"

"Derek…I'm starving…and I've seen this before…"

"There's not an ounce of romance in you… is there…as I try to steal a moment alone with you…to kiss you…"

"What…you think there's not romance in me….that's….Derek, that's not nice…" she said, and he could tell she was actually getting upset.

"Meredith, I'm teasing you…come on…I want to show you something…"

"I've seen it before," she muttered stubbornly.

"No, you haven't…please..." he said, and pulled her along with him.

"Fine."

"Try to sound a bit more enthusiastic."

"You said I had no romance in me…"

"I was kidding…all I need to do is look at you…and I think of nothing but romance…"

"Derek…that was really cheesy…"

"But true…"

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said and facing the horizon, wrapped his arms around her, setting his hands gently on her lower abdomen.

"Do you think Kathleen and Mark can see us?"

"Not the best lighting in the world for that… but she knows I wanted a few minutes alone with you."

"She did…you planned this…"

"Uhmmm… I did."

"Why?"

"Because I have a gift for you… and I told her I wanted to give it to you out here…"

"You got me a gift…another one?"

"Technically…it's not just from me…"

"Who else would get me a gift?"

"Here…open it and see…" he told her as he reached for his pocket and took the familiar turquoise box with its white satin ribbon and placed it in her hands."

"Derek…what did you do…what did you get?"

"I'm not going to tell you…open it…before we lose all natural light and you can't see it."

"You…you're going to spoil me…"

"I'm going to love spoiling you….for the rest of our lives."

She ran her finger gently over the satin ribbon, and then carefully untied the bow, and lifted he small lid to reveal the gift he'd purchased.

"Derek," she whispered, "this…it's ….beautiful…"

"You like it…really…" he asked with a hint of nervousness in his voice, "it's from both of us…our baby…and me."

"Oh…"she said, and he heard the quiet sniffle, "but…I…what I got you…it was nothing like this…just an outfit…and not expensive…just I thought, I wanted to tell you and…I found…it… but this…"

"Meredith…what you got me…that gift…I can't help but smile…each time I think about it…the message…that you'd think of it…and how you planned to tell me…that was priceless…and always will be."

"Really... even though….it was…so… so simple…"

"Simple…no…our baby…and his message to me…was priceless."

"The baby does…you know…our baby loves you…"

"Well…I wanted to make sure you also know how much our baby loves you…how much we both love you."

"Derek…you are making me cry, all the time…and this…it's beautiful…and…I love you…Derek, I love you both so much too," she said as she lifted the chain and small pendant from the box and placed it lovingly in the palm of her hand. "When did you get this?"

"Today…when I went to lunch with Kathleen, I stopped on the way home."

"She knew…she saw it…"

"I asked her…after I picked it out…if she knew the designer…and she did…and, I thought you'd like it…it reminded me of you….delicate and beautiful…"

"Oh, Derek, it is…and it means…so …so much. Should I wear it? Do you want me to…?"

"Of course I do…Meredith, I kept looking for the perfect gift…to celebrate…and thank you…and tell you I love you…really I wanted you to have something from both of us…and I saw this…and thought you'd like this…"

"I love this, it's beautiful…and that you'd think of this," she said looking at him, eyes brimming with tears.

"How could I resist, two open hearts…silver and gold, and it made me think…of you and me, and the baby…and at first I saw the two hearts, you and me…our hearts entwined forever, but also…and nobody has to know yet, but Meredith, the smaller one, the baby…two hearts…his and mine…beating because of you…for you…"


	82. Chapter 82

For Always – Josh Groban

For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always, forever

**Ch 81 – My heart…for always**

"Derek…"she whispered, "oh, God…Derek…" she said, and unable to speak, she allowed the tears to fall freely, unashamedly revealing her emotions.

Finally, opening her heart to him. Completely.

"Hey, come on…you're supposed to be happy, not these tears," he said as he reached for her, and cradled her face in his hands, softly kissing away the tears and then placing his lips on hers.

Finally, allowing him to lover her.

"I am…I am…happy tears…" she said, kissing him back softly.

"Promise…"

"Promise…they are…" she said, while the tears kept flowing.

"I love you Meredith," he said, mesmerized by the love reflected in her eyes, their lips almost touching.

"Tonight…Derek," she paused, swallowing softly before continuing, "I give you my heart… you've already saved my life…" she said, and he could feel the soft words, the gentle breathing upon his lips, "but now…now…I give you my heart…for always..."

He felt the muffled sob on his lips, and then the gentle pressure of her lips seeking his and their tears and lips intertwined, sharing the kiss of two lovers sealing the most powerful vow of all…the promise of forever.

"Do you…Meredith…do you have any idea how much that means to me…and how unworthy I feel that you would trust me…trust me with your heart."

"You've trusted me with yours…and our baby's heart…" she said, and reached for his hand, placing the necklace in his open hand, and placing her hand over his, cradling the two hearts between them, she whispered, "Derek, now, our hearts…yours and mine…our baby's…we're one…for always…"

He was moved beyond words, as he gently squeezed her hand, "for always…" he whispered holding back tears, as they stood lost in the reflection of each other's eyes.

"Derek, I know…I know how much I hurt you, last night…"

"We don't have to talk about that…not now…"

"But I have to."

"Ok," he said, their hands still joined.

"I want you to know…that no matter what happens, from now on, no matter what…you won't have to worry about me again…like last night…Derek, I'm ashamed…deeply ashamed…and tonight…I promise you…Derek, I give you my solemn vow…that you will never have to worry about me…like you did last night…like you did…" she said, and he could see she was getting upset.

"Meredith…it's ok, it's over…"

"No, it's not. This is just the beginning, and I will deal with it…I will… but last night, what I said, what I made you feel…you never have to worry about that again…like you did…" she choked back a sob, "the day I drowned."

"Meredith…I know that…"

"No…no you don't…he told me, Derek…he told me…of the day…when I drowned."

"I'm sorry…so sorry, he…Mark should not have said anything."

"But you're wrong…he should have, and I'm glad…so glad he did…"

"There was no need…"

"There was…because now, we can begin to heal…we need to deal with all those issues…and heal…before the baby …before the baby is born."

He smiled, and indulgent smile.

"What…"

"Nothing."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"You're supposed to…to… be nice… and it's not good to keep secrets…and make me upset."

"I haven't been nice…" he teased, "and keeping secrets is making you upset," he said, and kissed her, and could feel her smile on his lips.

"Yes…it does…and it makes the baby upset…"

"It does…and you know that…how…the baby talks to you…kicks…already…" he joked, as he placed his hand on her stomach, "aren't you the one keeping secrets now?"

"Oh, Derek," she said, as she removed her hand from his and took the necklace and placed it carefully in its box, "I love you so much," and put it back where he'd had it, in his jacket for safekeeping, "you can help me put this on at home, I don't want to risk dropping it here, there's hardly any light."

"So, what's the baby telling you now," he teased.

She quickly circled her arms around his neck and hugged him, and then pulled back and brought her lips to his, and they got lost in the ageless mating dance of tongues sharing a soulful kiss.

"We…we should…stop," he said.

"Sorry."

"Don't be…but we have an audience."

"Oh, no…now Kathleen will think she got a glimpse of the slutty intern…and tell your Mom…and Jenna…and Derek, they'll think that Nancy is right…and…I'm …"

He laughed, "Meredith…she's not going to think that."

"Derek, you are laughing at me…seriously...you're sister will think I'm just like Nancy said…and… you're … laughing at me…"

He kissed her to stop her ramblings, "she already thinks you're wonderful, and she knows how much it meant to me to have some time alone with you and give you that gift."

"Did you tell her?"

"No…I wanted to…but we'll wait…we can wait to tell her…"

"Derek…if you want…after…the doctor's appointment…we can tell her."

"Really," he said, as she noticed the sparkle in his eyes.

"Really."

"Thank you…" he said and embraced her, " thank you."

"Mark knows…and I really want to tell someone else…I want to tell Lexie…"

"Not Cristina?"

"Lexie will be happy…not so sure about Cristina, and Derek, I don't want anyone saying anything negative about our baby."

"Mama Bear…"

"You're calling me a bear…" she said raising an eyebrow.

"Meredith, it's an expression."

"I would think….you would not want to remind me of bears on this particular spot."

He laughed, and lifting her off the ground twirled her around, "I love you Meredith."

"Derek…don't…it...it…"

He heard the panic in her voice, and stopped, holding her gently.

"What…"

"Dizzy…makes me dizzy."

"I'm sorry…I wasn't thinking…"

"It's ok…I'm ok… now."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes," she said as she leaned in to him, and then swatted his arm, "and don't divert the subject again," she laughed, "bears are a very sore subject."

"I love you," he whispered against her lips, and both laughed.

"Let's go home, I'm starving, and we've given Mark and Kathleen enough to talk about."

"Speaking of…" he said, as they started to walk back, "what did he do now?"

"Derek, he is incorrigible…in the OR he …"

"Well, you two decided to join us, Shep, we could have stayed behind, rather than watch the two of you make out."

"We're ignoring you…but, I do want to know why Meredith thinks I may want to kill you."

"She was joking."

"No I wasn't," she said as they all began to walk to Derek's car.

"Grey, you wound me…all the while, you thought I was your knight…"

"Her knight…really…do tell…Meredith…"

"So…my favorite DM….you were right…"

"Mark…"

"What's he talking about?"

"Nothing, he's just being Mark."

"You throw me under the bus… and now, I'm just being Mark…"

"Guys, what does your favorite DM mean?"

"Dirty mistress."

"Mark!"

"What, you know that's your nickname, our club."

"How could you…" she said, and they all heard a catch in her voice.

"Grey, I'm teasing, really, just kidding."

"It's not nice…I mean…it's not…Kathleen, she doesn't know me…and now…"

"You're in for it now," Derek told him, as Meredith got in the car, and Mark had opened the door behind the driver's seat."

"I didn't do anything…"

"You convince her…I just went through that…nice…well, it's is a new state of mind."

"Oh… you mean…hormones."

"I guess," Derek said, and both men laughed.

Kathleen noticed the change in her mood immediately, and tried to draw her out during the short drive to the trailer.

"Meredith, how do you put up with this overgrown child all the time?"

"It's not easy, and if he's not nice…I just may change my mind about …"

"Grey, you cannot change your mind…I am your bestman…and…now…"

"You talk too much," she said, while reaching for Derek's hand, "I'm re thinking it."

"You are not," Mark said with enough doubt in his voice for her to smile, and felt Derek's gaze on her, and smiled back.

"It's going to be up to Derek, I mean… I already told him, he may want to kill you. It may be easier to take back your bestman position."

"Fine, that's the last time I stand up for you," he said, and got out of the car pouting.

They all were out of the car, and Derek was by her side, "I think he took you seriously."

"I was."

"You were not, you're enjoying taunting him."

"Yeah, well, wait till I tell you about the OR…"

"I think I want to hear this now…"

"Let him tell you, there's a slight bit of humor. Come on, let's get dinner ready, I'm starving."

Mark and Kathleen sat in two of the chairs on the deck, then Meredith and Derek walked up hand in hand, and she went over to Mark, and stood in front of him.

"Listen, you big baby," she said and smacked him on the head, "I'm kidding you."

"You are."

"Yeah…" she said, and whispered, "my knight," and heard Mark roar with laughter, as she walked in the trailer to join Derek.

"Mark, you were right about her."

"Which part?"

"Wanting to protect her."

"Derek," she said, as she came up behind him and put her arms around him, "can I help?"

He turned around and hugged her, "you want to help with dinner?"

"I can…I can do something."

"Uhmmm…"

"What…I can help…"

"Guess…uhmmm… domesticity goes hand in hand with mommy…" he teased.

"That's not funny," she said, suddenly serious.

"Meredith I'm teasing you."

"Well, it's not funny, because you know…I'm not…I don't have any of those domestic or mommy qualities….so it's not very nice for you to make fun of me…"

The red flag was up again, when he heard the word 'nice', which tonight seemed synonymous with mood changes.

"I'm not making fun of you…and you can help…you can help bring all of this out," he said as he pointed to several containers and a bottle of wine.

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Hormones are a bitch," and threw her arms around him. "I'm sorry."

"I love your hormones…and the reason for them…"

"Our baby…" she said.

"Our baby."

"Derek, will you put my necklace on?"

"I'd love to," he said and took the necklace out the box and placed it around her neck and fastening the hook, and then kissed her neck, and worked his way to her mouth.

"I love you Derek, thank you…for this…I'll treasure it always."

"I just…just wanted something special…"

"It's very special."

"What…are you thinking?"

"You can tell…"

"Always…"

"You're going to have to help you know…with everything…"

"I'll help."

"Derek, I mean with everything…every step of the way…because…well, I'm not good with babies…Derek… I've never even held a baby…except, well, when I've had patients, and it's not that many, but never…never really held a real baby."

"You mean, you've held a fake baby," he said, unable to resist joking with her.

"You ass."

"I love you too."

"Yeah…I love you too."

"So, about this fake baby you've held…"

"I meant…like patients Derek, they don't count…I've never really cuddled a baby," she said, and his heart broke for the longing he heard in her voice.

"You weren't around babies… that's ok… I had no choice, with my sisters all having them by the dozen…"

"You'll help me…with changing diapers…and baths….and feedings…well, not feedings, not for a while…"

"You're not going to let me feed the baby?"

"I'm going to breastfeed Derek…you can't do that…"

"No, I guess I can't….I'll wait for bottle times," he said, amazed at the changes in her.

"It's ok, I mean…that we wait…it's good for babies you know…breastfeeding."

"I know…and no, of course I don't mind, and yes, I will help with everything."

"Did you hear that…baby…we may have to remind your daddy of that at two in the morning sometime," she said and kissed him softly.

"Grey, Shep what's taking you guys so long, we're hungry."

"Let's feed our oldest child," Derek told her, as they began to carry everything outside.

The steaks were on the grill, while the four engaged in amiable and pleasant conversation that continued throughout the evening. Kathleen paid close attention to Meredith and her reactions, and to Meredith and Derek together, and she felt a tugging at her heart and smiled.

"Ok you two, time to spill the beans…what's with the knight, and why am I going to want to kill Mark?"

"Suffice it so say…I was definitely her knight in shining armor today…and Grey was right…"

"About what?"

"That you wouldn't like it…"

"What are you talking about," he said defensively.

"Exactly that….that you don't want anyone to be her knight…or like that she called me that…"

"That's…crap…"

"That's the truth, my friend… only the truth…anyhow, Meredith was in my OR, and

I had to reprimand a nurse…"

"Mark!"

"What, who's telling the story…"

"Not…that…"

"Listen, Kathleen's a big girl, and she's going to hear it anyway, but let's just say, Derek was an ass, and about two weeks ago decided to break up with Meredith."

"Mark!!" they both exclaimed.

"Cut the crap, and let me tell the story."

Meredith was mortified, and ready to retreat, when Derek got up, walked up to her, and extended his hand to help her up, and then sat down and brought her down to sit on his lap.

"Long story short…they broke up, he asked this nurse out to dinner…"

"Derek…you didn't…" Kathleen commented.

"That's what we all thought…"

Meredith buried her head on his shoulder, and whispered, "it's ok…really, I'm ok with him telling the story."

"You are?"

"I am."

"Look at them Kathleen, they're not even listening to me…"

"We are too."

"Fortunately, he came to his senses right away, and they've spent the last two weeks getting back to where they needed to be all along."

"But…" Kathleen said.

"The nurse has been a bit difficult, and has created a couple of scenes, including a drunken on last night, so I asked Meredith to join me in surgery this afternoon, and it happened she was there, and I implemented a new policy in my OR."

Derek groaned, "what did you do?"

"Banned her. No one allowed in my OR within twenty four hours of being inebriated."

"Your knight…I agree…he was… I agree… why would I want to kill him?"

"Wait till you hear the rest."

"Shep won't mind this part."

"Derek, he made us the center of gossip again, and I would want to kill him, if I were you."

"I defended her honor, and then…I let everyone know…in subtle ways…"

Meredith snorted, and felt embarrassed, "subtle…not in your life."

"Maybe not…I happened to mention Mer would become Mrs. Shepherd…and that I was definitely best man at the wedding."

"You called Meredith Mrs.Shepherd?"

"Absolutely."

"And Meredith didn't kill you then?"

"She couldn't… I let her intern scrub in, and Lexie…"

Derek laughed, "you are laying it on thick…"

"She keeps threatening to take my…roles away…and bestman… I know you'll defend me Shep…but….when it comes to…god…well…she may not let you decide…if I piss her off."

"I think you're safe…for now…I don't want to kill you…"

"Grey, I told you, he wouldn't."

"Derek, he practically told everyone we're getting married…"

"We are… you said so yourself."

"But…what if.. I mean… you could…you could change your mind…"

Kathleen laughed, "it will be a cold day in hell when that happens," she said, and watched them closely.

"You don't mind?"

"No…do you?"

"Not really, but he started a betting pool."

"He did what?"

"Betting pool…two years he said."

"Two years," he laughed, "Mark, you set out to lose the bet."

"Guess I owed you," he said and winked at him, "and had to throw them off, for my

real bet," he commented and they all laughed.

"Derek, I want dessert, I'm dying to eat a piece of that cheesecake."

"I'll get it," he said and started to get up.

"No, just wanted to let you know I'm going to get us all dessert," she said, getting up, and looking back at them, "by the way, do you have a camera?"

"Yeah…why?"

"I may not be telling them where I've been, but once they find out I was here, if I go back without taking some photos of you…and Meredith, and your…home…they're going to kill me."

"It's actually on top of the table, as you walk in…I charged the battery earlier."

"Mark, want to help?"

"No."

"Get off your butt and help me," she ordered, and he did.

"Kat, you're too damn bossy."

"What's going on with those two?"

"What do you mean?"

"There's something…and you know about it…all those looks between them…did they elope?"

"No…and I don't know what you're talking about…"

"You can't keep a secret Sloan…and you know it…"

"Care to bet on it? "

"You're on… 100 dollars…you wont be able to keep it quiet…I'll know before I leave."

"Not from these lips."

"You're on," she said, and gave Mark a tray with four plates to carry outside, and grabbed the camera.

"Kat, you look like the cat that swallowed the canary," Mark commented as they sat down and ate dessert, Meredith and Derek in a world of their own.

"I'm happy to be here," she smiled and noticed Meredith reaching up and touching the hearts on the necklace Derek bought her, and the two became lost in each other, and oblivious to their surroundings, he brought his hand to rest gently on her abdomen and smiled, and then kissed her softly.

Without them being aware, she snapped a picture and then another, unaware she was capturing a moment that would live in their hearts forever, a moment of happiness that could be taken away unexpectedly.

"Kathleen, close your mouth, you'll catch flies," Mark said as he watched her changing expressions.

Derek and Meredith looked up, and found themselves being closely scrutinized by her.

"Meredith," she said softly, with a smile forming slowly and turning in to a grin, "how far along are you?"

"What…" she heard all three others exclaim.

"You're pregnant," she stated smugly.

"Mark…you promised…" Meredith turned to him.

"I haven't said anything... not a word….I don't know what you're… what she's talking about."

"He didn't…in fact… I just bet him one hundred dollars he was keeping a secret and would not be able to keep quiet… but I lost… he did not say a word."

"Meredith…" Derek said quietly, concern in his voice, "are you…are you ok…"

"Derek…" Kathleen said, "you…you didn't know," suddenly feeling horrible for opening her mouth, maybe he didn't know… but, not, it wasn't possible, he knew.

"It's ok," Meredith said against his lips, "tell her."

"No more secrets, you two…"

They both smiled, and Derek told her, "Kathleen, you are going to be an aunt, again."

She was out of her chair immediately, and standing in front of them, bent down to hug them.

"You're pregnant," she said, full of emotion and hugging her tightly and kissing her check, ant then, kissing Derek as well, "my baby brother….is going to be a dad…" she finished with tears in her eyes.

The four adults shared a moving and emotional moment, as Kathleen went over to Mark, now standing, and hugged him. "Congratulations…you're going to be a godfather," she said, and both had tears in their eyes, "a wonderful godfather."

"What's wrong with this picture," Derek joked, Meredith still in his arms, "you congratulate him and think he's going to be a wonderful godfather...what about us…

you don't think we're going to be wonderful parents," he commented, while gently caressing Meredith's stomach, now that he had nothing to hide, he delighted in the pleasure of touching her.

Meredith smiled at his caress, and his protectiveness, placing her hand over his.

"Derek, he needs all the positive reinforcement we can provide, we're talking about Mark…as godfather…"

"Hey, I resent that…I'm going to be a hell of a godfather."

"I guess you're right," Derek joked.

"Grey trusts me…right…Meredith…you trust me…"

"I actually do…I trust you with our baby…"

"Did I just hear you…"

"Derek…you know he is…my brother in law is going to be a very special godfather…"

Meredith had little family experience, but at that moment, familial bonds began to expand and take root in her heart. Whereas Lexie was now a constant source of support, at this moment, she allowed herself to trust….and embraced the feeling of being part of his family.

"Derek, Meredith," Kathleen said, "I have no doubts, this baby will have the most wonderful parents in the world."

AN 5/17 not a lot of interest here... should I stop posting?


	83. Chapter 83

**Ch 82 - Timeless bonds**

They sat around talking for a while longer, Mark volunteering to clean up all the remaining dinner remnants. Derek held Meredith on his lap, unwilling to let her go, but noticing her nodding off every few minutes.

"Are we boring you," he teased, as she yawned yet again.

"Derek," Kathleen scolded, "stop teasing her, she is supposed to be feeling this way, exhausted in fact, I'm surprised she lasted this long tonight without falling asleep."

"It's ok Kathleen, he's actually been wonderful...about the baby..."

"Please, don't defend him, his ego is inflated enough as it is," she joked.

"I'll be right back," Meredith said as she started to get up.

"Where are you going," he asked, and she whispered quietly, "bathroom."

"I was wondering when you were going to go inside again," he laughed.

"Well, it's your fault."

"How is it my fault?"

"Are you questioning our child's paternity?"

"Never…"

"I was teasing you," she said, kissing him softly before getting up and going inside the trailer.

"I cannot believe I missed it…she went inside for no apparent reason several times tonight, and her gift was so important to you, but still I don't understand…last night…"

"Kathleen" he interrupted, they would have plenty of time to discuss all of it tomorrow,

"it's not like you're Mark, I mean he can tell a pregnant woman a mile away," Derek laughed.

"Mark, did you really know she was pregnant?"

"Sort of fitting, don't you think… you were the first one I ever diagnosed," he laughed,

"and now Shep's firstborn."

"You are so full of it…Mark Sloan…"

"What… ask Mer, I did tell her…when she comes back you can ask…"

"Ask me what?"

"Didn't I figure out you were pregnant, before you did?"

"Not before I did…that was Derek," she said as she settled on his lap again.

"Grey, come on, you know I did…"

"He did guess…but Derek, he suspected it first…"

"Fine…so you have a perfect record. I want to know everything…when are you due? When were you going to say something? When are you getting married? Telling mom? How are you feeling?"

"We don't know…" Derek answered.

"What do you mean you don't know? Derek, you have to know these things."

"Kathleen," Meredith answered, "Derek did guess, I had no clue I was pregnant, but we just realized it, the last several days, and it wasn't till yesterday when I bought a test, and we got the blood work back today."

"You haven't been to the doctor? You don't know how far along you are?"

"Seven weeks," they both answered.

"Wait, if you haven't been to the doctor, how do you know?"

Meredith blushed slightly, as Derek answered. "We kind of know when she got pregnant."

"You do? Shit Shep, you didn't tell me that, that could have a definite advantage once the bets get going."

"Mark Sloan, you leave bets out of my future niece or nephew's birth date."

"How the hell has that man put up with your bossiness all these years?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?" Kathleen quipped.

"Kat…too much information there," Mark answered.

"Seven weeks…oh my God, Meredith…Derek, that's just around the time that Jenna is due…this is so wonderful…that's perfect timing, the babies will be a few weeks apart…Derek, we can baptize both babies at the same time."

"Kathleen, you're getting ahead of yourself," he said.

"No, I'm not. You told Jenna you were coming, so this would be perfect, everyone gets to meet your baby…and Derek …two new babies in the family, baptized at the same time."

He did not want Meredith feeling uncomfortable, though she had agreed to go with him, "I actually told Jenna, I'd let her know this week… we had to confirm Mer's pregnancy and how far along she is, and if she would be able to travel with a small baby."

"You didn't tell me that," Meredith told him.

"What?"

"That you were waiting to find out if I was pregnant, all the time…you just went along…with….my…my denial…"

"I love you," he smiled, and delighted in hers.

"How about you two let us in on this…how it is that Shep figured it out…"

"He really just blurted it out…and asked me if I was pregnant…totally out of the blue."

"It was not totally out of the blue…as we know now…"

"It was out of the blue then…"

"She was completely irrational…"

"I was not…"

"Really," he said, as Kathleen observed the banter between them, and worried about them, they were so obviously in love with each other, but she could not figure out what had gone so wrong to prompt his call to her.

"She was irrational…over emotional…craving coffee ice cream, which she hates…a few bouts of dizziness… just to name a few…"

"Meredith, I have to agree with Derek," Kathleen laughed, "there were some clues in there…"

"Not to mention…she's been crying about everything…"

"I have not," she said, and could feel the tears in her eyes, "that was for other reasons," and buried her face in his neck.

"Then…" he said, kissing the top of her head…"she demanded different kinds of ice cream, from a specific store, and I knew…but figured she would kill me if I brought it up…"

"Instead he asked me if I was pregnant without any warning at all."

"What did you say?"

"I denied it of course…" she said, and all of them laughed.

"I love you Meredith."

"Then, he started to tell me he loved me, every time he wanted to avoid dealing with my denial…"

"Uhmmm… not to mention getting ready for an emotional outburst…anytime I hear, that's not nice…"

"You …"

"Ass. You can say it Grey, it fits."

"Thank you, Mark."

"Derek, you guys have still not answered the rest of my questions."

"Mer's going to the doctor next week, we got her full blood work back this afternoon. Will figure out when we want to tell people after that."

"How about Mom? Derek you have to tell Mom."

"We will, but will wait till after the doctor's appointment."

"Derek, she's going to be so excited…I feel bad for Jenna, this news…it's going to trump baby number three for Jenna."

"Kathleen that's awful… Mom would never do that… she loves all her grandchildren."

"Oh please. She has plenty of them from us, but her baby boy…having his first baby…that's going to trump the other fifteen!"

"Shep, you'll be lucky if she doesn't show up on your doorstep the minute she finds out and tries to take over."

Derek felt Meredith shift nervously, "she is not, don't put ideas in Meredith's head, you make Mom sound…"

Mark and Kathleen laughed, "what...like she really is?"

"Meredith, don't pay any attention to them."

"Derek, what if she really does want to come out here, we don't even have a place for her to stay…if she wanted to visit…I mean…you can't just put her in a hotel…"

"What's this double standard? I'm in a hotel."

"I didn't mean that… just he'd have to look after her, not just leave here…you're ok, you can take care of yourself... but your Mom…she's older…"

"Meredith…you are in for a hell of a surprise…Mom can do well on her own more than all of us put together."

"Oh…"

"You spoke to her the other day…she's dying to meet you…so get ready, the minute she knows you're having a baby…she's going to be out here."

"Oh God…" Derek heard her whisper.

"Kathleen, Mark, stop it. She is not that bad, and she is going to love Meredith…and I hope she does fly out…it's time she and Mer got to know each other," he said and held her hand, squeezing it gently, and kissing her lips.

"You're right, she's not really that bad."

"You don't sound very reassuring, Kathleen."

"Meredith, you make her favorite child happy, and you're having her grandchild…that's all she's going to care about."

"I'm not her favorite child."

"Wanna bet?" Mark joked.

"Enough with the bets. Now, how about the wedding, when are you getting married?"

"Derek hasn't actually asked," commented Meredith.

"What? But you said you would be getting married."

"We've talked about it…but Derek hasn't actually proposed."

"That is not true, I have told her…why do you think she told you we're getting married, it's understood."

"Derek Christopher, have you proposed to her or not?"

"She knows…we know we're getting married…"

"Have you proposed?"

"I told her…I want to marry her…and…"

"You are an ass, Derek, you have not asked her?"

"I have…but…not formal, like with a ring…Mer...come on, you know…"

"He told me he wanted to marry me and have kids with me…and the most romantic words you can ever imagine…"

"You see…"

"Then he told…he would wait… wait for me to be ready, as long as no one else came along…"

"Meredith…" he said looking at her incredulously.

"That's what you said."

"You are taking that completely out of context?"

"Am I…not to mention he invited me to go away for the weekend and took it back?"

"Derek, that is …well, I don't know what it is, but how could you?"

"I can't believe…I can't believe you just told that story."

"It's true…and I forgave you…"

"You forgave me…you are the one…that wasn't ready, and you forgive me?"

She immediately realized he was actually upset, and had though he would take it all in the teasing manner it was intended.

"Derek," she said, turning his face and locking gazes, "I'm sorry, I was just going along with the moment…it seemed ok… to share a bit of us…where we are…where we've been…with your sister. But you're upset, I'm sorry."

He saw she was genuinely sorry and was getting upset, "that wasn't nice, but it's ok."

"You're taking my line now too…"

"Yeah…just like sympathy cravings," he smiled, and kissed her softly.

"I love you, I'm sorry…I didn't…didn't mean…anything…it's just…I'm sorry."

"It's ok…you're right…I'm the one that needs to apologize…for that…I never should have said that."

"Can we just forget it. Please."

"As long as the answer to my real proposal is yes."

"It will be."

"I love you."

"You two are the sorriest, sappiest people I have ever seen."

"Shut up Mark," three adult voices echoed.

"Meredith, when this idiot proposes, I expect to know every single detail."

"Not happening big sister."

"What do you know what women talk about, you moron."

"Sibling love and affection at it's best" Derek laughed.

"Getting back to my original question, comment, whatever it was."

"Yes, Kathleen?"

"Derek, you have to plan on flying home, it will be perfect, and I've gone through this fourteen times, of course a baby can travel, and so can she, so that is not going to be an excuse."

"We'll see Kathleen, we'll have to see."

"Derek," Meredith spoke softly, "if…if you'd like that…I think…I think… it could be a wonderful idea…taking our baby to meet your family…"

"You do…" he asked in surprise.

"I do," she smiled, "but, we might have to take the godmother with us."

"The godmother…."

"We know we won't keep the godfather away….so just the godmother…for the baptism."

They were in their own private world, making decisions about their baby, "Cristina…should be a hit with my family."

"It's not going to be Cristina."

"What…"

"It's about family Derek…our family…a family I've never had before…Lexie…I think I want my sister to be the godmother."

"Meredith…Cristina is…she's your person."

"Lexie will be happy…the minute she finds out I'm pregnant…she will be happy, she's already talking about our kids growing up together…that's what I want for our baby…our family."

"Whatever you want…that's fine."

"Do you two want to join us again?" Mark laughed.

"Derek, why do you keep him around?"

"You're just jealous you no longer have me around, and are stuck with that dull husband of yours."

"Dull husband…you think…"

"Well…that baseball team of yours could mean he's not that boring," he said and the two old friends laughed.

"Mark…I do miss you, and Derek."

"Kathleen, you just have to come out and visit us more often, keep me from going crazy with these two around."

"You know what, Meredith, I'm going to make sure I do that…in fact…we're coming out soon, now that Derek made the offer, I won't be able to keep my husband away."

Meredith yawned again, and laid her head on Derek's shoulder, as he brought his hand to rest protectively over her abdomen.

"You know, this has been a wonderful evening, but I think it's time we call it a night. Let Meredith get some rest, plus I'm feeling the effects of jetlag. Mark can drive me on his way back."

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean…I'm just exhausted…like I have no control, at the oddest hours, and at work, I just want to lie down and sleep in the middle of the day sometimes."

Kathleen got up and the others followed, and she walked over to Meredith.

"Don't apologize…you're feeling the effects of your baby…and you should get some rest, and if you need anything… to talk…I've been through this not just with my own kids, but with each of my sister's, so anything you need, I'm a phone call away."

"Thank you…I…that… that means a lot."

"You're family…there's no thanks needed. Just take care of that baby…and Derek…let him take care of you…he needs to…that's all we need for you to do.

"Kathleen," Meredith said quietly, glad Derek was speaking with Mark, "I'm really glad you're here, and that we had this evening to spend together."

"I am delighted to have been here, and get to know you…my future sister in law…whenever that happens…I just want you to know, it doesn't matter, you are already my sister…"

"Tha...thank you," she said with tears in her eyes, and uncharacteristically reached over to hug her. "I love him…I've made mistakes, but I really do love him."

"I know you do, as I can see he loves you," Kathleen hugged her back, "take care of yourself…and the baby…and just let him love you, that's all he needs."

"I need to do that too…take care of him."

"You are going to be fine…and you're baby is going to be so lucky."

"I hope so," she said with deeply melancholy, and a trace of her fears could be heard in her voice.

"Let's go Kat, time to call it a night. The night is still young for me."

"Does he ever change?"

"No!" Meredith and Derek both exclaimed, as Derek came up behind her, and wrapped his arms around her.

Kathleen witnessed her brother's happiness, and felt overjoyed for them, yet could not dismiss the feeling that after tomorrow, their life was about to take a direction neither of them ever anticipated, testing their new found convictions and commitment to each other.

_AN 5/18 - Last chapter My heart...for always, is one of my favorites as it sets up the next several chapters, and it's where he idea of the story began. It's my favorite, simply because it unequivocally commits Meredith and Derek to each other. But, I don't think most of you feel that way, beause there's been only 3 reviews. One of the regular readers asked me, so I'm posting this chapter in spite of it, though there does not seem to be much interest in the story at this point. _


	84. Chapter 84

_For Always – Josh Groban_

_For always, forever_

_Beyond here and on to eternity_

_For always and ever_

_You'll be a part of me_

_**Ch 83 – Winds of change **_

"I'm going to take a quick shower."

"Can I join you?"

"Derek…that…I think that would just make things harder…"

"Definitely make things harder…" he teased her.

"After my appointment…if...when…everything is ok…"

"Stop worrying."

Derek was sitting on her side of the bed when she came out of the shower, only a towel wrapped around her.

"What are you doing," she asked as she approached him.

He pulled her close, "I don't want you getting dressed. You promised I could see all the changes in your body tonight."

"Derek, you are such a child," she laughed.

"I don't think so," he said, as he removed her towel, noticing the black panties, and his face eye level with her stomach, he smiled.

"Watch what you say…"

"In front of the baby…" he laughed.

"Yes, and don't make fun of me."

"Let's see…" he said placing her hand on her stomach and caressing it gently. "Hey baby, your mommy's been keeping you all to herself…and not sharing…how you're making her body change…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith…it's true…you said so yourself…"

"You are being so silly…"

"Childish…silly…but you love me anyway…"

She didn't answer him, totally captivated by the gentle way he caressed her, bringing his hands to her side, assessing the changes. They were barely noticeable around her waist, which had expanded slightly and wasn't as accentuated as it had been six weeks ago. That was definitely a change that had taken place, evident earlier with her jeans, though they were lower cut and wasn't necessarily at her waist, but just a bit of bloating in general that had made her leave them unbuttoned.

"What, you don't love me anyway…"

"Of course I do…"

"You didn't say anything," he pouted.

"I was too distracted with your hands on me…"

"Oh," he said, "that's good…that I can still distract you…with my hands…"

"Derek…"

"What…"

"This is not such a good idea…"

"Why not…I've only just begun…" he said, placing a gentle kiss on her abdomen, "did you hear that little one…your mom's being bossy again…"

"Uhmmm…this is why…" she said as she leaned down and kissed him, slipping her tongue in his mouth and hearing his moan, told him, "we won't be able to stop."

"Oh God…remind me…again…why do we have to stop…"

"Derek…you know…just…till I see the doctor…please…"

He saw the look of fear in her face, and got up, drawing her close to him. "I'm sorry… I know…we'll wait…just a few more days."

"I'm sorry," she said.

"It's ok…get dressed, I'll be right back."

"Where…where are you going?"

"Take a wild guess," he said as he shut the bathroom door behind him, and she soon heard the shower running.

She was lying under the covers on her side, facing away from him with her eyes closed.

He thought she may be sleeping, and slipped in behind her, drawing her close to him and placing his arm around her waist. Then he heard the soft whimper.

"Hey…what's with the crying," he caressed her gently, "you're going to make our child a wimp."

"I am not…he can't hear me…"

"Oh…" he teased her, while nuzzling her neck, "I guess we can go back to talking dirty now…" he said, and heard her giggle.

"No you can't…and don't talk about our baby being a wimp…I can cry…if I want too."

"Yes…you can…as long as you tell me why," he said and kissed the back of her neck, "turn around, I want to look at you."

She turned and lay on her back, and looked at him intently. "I'm sorry…that we …we need to wait…I miss you Derek…so much…I want to be in your arms, naked, and

make love with you…I do…so much…but, I'm scared…scared that there can still be something wrong, and… if we do…then…it could be worse…it could …"

He leaned over her and kissed her softly, "listen to me, I'm not going to do anything that's going to put you or our baby in danger…we can wait…it's just a few days, and once the doctor says all is well, then…we have all the time in the world."

"I don't…I don't want to wait anymore…I know…when…when we," she wanted to find the right words, "we were fighting…I said I wanted to wait, but not anymore Derek, I don't want to wait…I want to show you…how much I love you…I do…"

"And you will…as I will…as soon as we can."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Have you noticed…in the last few days…how often…we've told each other that…"

"What? That we want to make love," he said, purposely misinterpreting her.

"No…that we love each other."

"Of course I have…and that you'd tell me… the first time…that you were willing to trust me again…that first time…I heard you say it, that was the happiest moment of my life…"

"It was…"

"Right before …finding out I was going to be a dad…"

"I don't ever want to go back…Derek…to the way we were…not talking…not saying things…"

"We won't…that's behind us."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"It's ok…I mean… if hearing about the baby…made you happier."

"Hearing about the baby…made me believe miracles can happen…hearing you tell me you loved me…gave me faith…and made me believe prayers are really answered."

"Oh…" she said as tears slipped away, and he leaned in to kiss her, "you prayed…"

"I've never prayed as much…not since…"

"Since I drowned."

"Not since then."

"Derek, I promised you…you'll never need to worry about that…you won't…I wouldn't… I won't…do that to you…or our baby…to our children."

"I know…I know you won't."

"One more thing…."

"I thought you were tired…and were falling asleep before…"

"I'm awake now."

"What else…"

"Tonight…I'm sorry, very sorry…for bringing up what I did…I didn't mean…I got carried away…it just felt it was ok to share something of us…with all the teasing between you and Mark and her…suddenly, I felt…like I belonged…that it was ok…and that your sister…she wouldn't judge me too badly…but, instead, I embarrassed you."

"First of all…I'm the one that needs to apologize…for having reacted like I did…when you said something tonight…you spoke the truth, and I should have owned up to it, and not questioned it, and realized you were teasing…and that was fine…you did nothing wrong, and that you felt as you did…like you belonged…and I ruined that…I'm the one who needs to apologize…you don't… for any of it…I'm sorry…deeply sorry."

"Kathleen…she's so nice Derek…and she made me feel so at ease…I think…I'm ok…going home with you…I'll be ok."

"Going home with a baby…"

"Yes…and a godmother…and a baptism…"

"Without a wedding…"

"That…that's not nice…" she said suddenly. "Now…now you're saying you don't want to get married."

"What…I didn't say that…"

"But you said…we'll be going home…without a wedding…"

"Meredith, I'm joking…that's something we have to decide."

"You haven't… you know…you haven't really asked…"

"I know…but you promised…that you will say yes…"

"Not…not if you don't want to marry me," she said starting to turn away from him.

"If I survive…" he muttered to himself.

"What…what does that mean…if you survive…"

"Your mood changes…"

"Not nice, Derek…not nice at all…" she said, and bringing her hand to her abdomen smiled, "did you hear that baby Shep…your daddy is making fun of mommy."

He reached out for her hand, and laced his fingers with hers, "your mommy, is not being very nice to daddy, when he's already admitted he made an ass of himself."

"Derek," she said, smacking him with her free hand, "what did I tell you about what the baby hears…"

"I love you."

"I love you too," she said and both started laughing as he embraced her, and she laid her head on his chest.

"Derek," she said, as she lightly stroked his chest, "there's one more thing…"

"Ok."

"The comment you made…about the baby…"

"Which one?"

"The paternity…"

"I did not make that comment," he said, "you did…"

"I know…but…I just wanted to clear that up…"

"Meredith, please look at me, I have no doubts…none…at all."

She pulled away from him, and they both lay on their sides facing each other, bodies touching.

"I just mean…well… Derek...there hasn't been anyone…only you…since we got back together…even before…since prom…there's only been you."

"I know that," he said reaching for her hand.

"But…in my heart…since…since the first time we came here…the night you brought me here, to the trailer…do you remember?"

"Of course I remember…I knew I had found the love of my life…"

"You did?"

"I did…"

"Derek…since then…since that night…it's always been you…only you in my heart."

"My soul mate…for always…"

"For always…"

"We are going to have the biggest cry baby," he said as kissed her tears away.

"That is not nice Derek…" she said, wiping his away gently.

"Probably not, but I'm sure he can't hear us, as he's probably sleeping by now…" he whispered, "just as you should be."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm..."

"Kathleen…she said I would be her sister…even…if we waited…to be married…that she already thought of me that way."

He saw the emotion in her eyes, and wanted to kick himself for the way he'd behaved earlier, when she brought up his stupidity, the 'but' he added to his declaration of love for her. She was opening up, trusting people, and he had failed her.

"Derek, what's…what are you thinking?"

"That my mother is going to love you…as is the rest of my family."

"Except for Nancy…"

"Even Nancy…"

"You are dreaming."

"Faith….have a little faith…"

"Maybe…it won't be so bad…with her."

"That's my girl."

"Your girl…"

"My love."

"I love you Derek…we both love you," she said and snuggling close to him, brought his hand to rest on her abdomen.

"I love you too...both of you."

"Good night."

"Good night, now get some sleep…you need to rest."

They lay quietly for a few minutes, when she said, "Derek…"

"Will you get some sleep…please…"

"I want to know why you're smiling."

"How do you know I was smiling?"

"I could feel it…"

"My smile?"

"Yes…"

"I was smiling," he admitted, "just having you in my arms…makes me smile."

"Very, very sappy."

"Get to sleep."

"You too…you've had just as long a day."

"But, I'm not pregnant."

"Ok. Good night."

About thirty seconds later, he whispered, "Meredith…."

"Uhmmm…"

"I discovered the other changes…"

"You did…"

"I did…"

"And…"

"Your breasts…definitely…baby Shep has made a difference in your breasts…"

"You ass," she said smiling.

"You can say that…you're not worried about the baby hearing that now…"

"He's sleeping," she whispered, "and his dad told me he can't hear me, when he's sleeping," and they both laughed, as he embraced her, and they fell asleep in each other's arms.

Meredith got up a couple of times during the night, and when she came back to bed the last time, Derek pulled her into his arms.

"Baby making you get up a lot…"

"Yes…I may have to stop drinking liquids early in the evening…and see if that helps."

"Maybe," he said, as he kissed her temple, "I think I'll get us a baby book…"

"A baby book," she said smiling.

"Yeah, like What to expect when you're expecting… "

"Oh Derek, that's so cliché…" she giggled.

"Some of my sisters…they've read that…"

"Maybe I'll ask Kathleen…what she recommends…"

"She'd like that…that you ask her advice."

"You should try to get a little more sleep. You're going to be driving a few hours."

"You're going to be working…you need more sleep than I do."

"I know…but…I like talking with you…like this…I used to miss this so much…when…you know…"

"During S & M…."

"Yeah…."

"That's over now…I'll be here…every night…I'll be by your side."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I'm really pregnant…"

"I know…"

"Are you happy….really…"

"Hey…what's this…you know I'm happy…"

"Derek…this is big…so big…a new beginning…"

"Our new beginning…an answered prayer…that you gave me another chance."

"This baby…it's incredible…and amazing…and I'm scared…and excited…and it's wonderful…"

"It's all those things…"

"But…Derek…the part of me…that's scared…."

"Talk to me…talk to me about it…"

"Being pregnant…it's really unpredictable…and the things that don't seem right now…it's scaring me…I don't want anything to be wrong…"

"Don't think about that," he tried to reassure her, "there's no reason to think that way. You have a good doctor…you're taking care of yourself…it will be fine…"

"You're right…I shouldn't think like this…everything should be fine."

"What else…"

"That's it…"

"No it's not…"

"I'm going to need to learn to cook, aren't I?"

"Meredith, it's about four forty five, we can talk about cooking later…let's try to get some sleep…there's at least an hour and fifteen minutes before we have to be up."

"You don't want to talk…"

"I want you to get a little more sleep."

"But, this is important…"

"Ok."

"I can't cook Derek, and we're having a baby…and we have to feed it…I mean…kids grow up, and we …I can't be a mom and not know how to cook, and time goes by really fast, and before we know it… the baby is two, and he wants to eat, and I have to learn…I need to do that now, cause it will probably take a lot…a lot of lessons Derek."

"Did you breathe?"

"Of course I did."

"Just making sure."

"This is not a joking matter."

"Meredith," he said, turning on his side, and facing her. "you'll learn to cook, you can take lessons, or I'll teach you. Izzie can teach you…but…you realize we have quite a bit of time."

"Derek, you know my cooking skills, it's going to take me probably three times as long…"

"You're right," he went along with her, "we can start cooking lessons next week."

"That, is not nice…and you're making fun of me," she pouted.

"No, I'm not…but…" he said making every effort not to laugh.

"Don't you dare laugh at me…Derek…don't you dare…" she said, and suddenly she was crying.

"Meredith…I'm sorry…really…I'm tired…and I'm being stupid…and just not handling this very well."

"I …I want to be a good mom…"

"You will be."

"But, I don't know anything about babies…or taking care of them…"

"You'll learn…and I'm going to help you…every step of the way…"

"You are…" she said, wiping away at her tears.

"Yes…I am…and we can hire a nanny."

"A nanny?"

"Yes…to help…"

"I don't want to be like my mother, I want to take care of my babies."

"You won't be like your mother…you won't be… you can't be…it's not in your nature."

"She left me with nannies…she was never there, I don't want to give our baby to a nanny."

"We won't be giving our baby to a nanny…but, we're both doctors, we're not going to be home all the time, and we're going to have to think about it."

"I want to be there…"

"You want to quit working…"

"No."

"We can talk more about this later…but, we will work it out…"

"Maybe…part time…we can have a nanny part time, but that's expensive, Derek, and I…mean…my salary…"

"Meredith…that is one thing you don't have to worry about. I'm going to provide for you and our baby…."

"That is so sexist…"

"Mer, I make two million dollars a year…and once you become an attending, I fully expect you'll do the same…money, is not going to be a problem."

"That doesn't mean we can abandon our kids Derek."

"Oh, God…Meredith," he said giving in to exhaustion, "can we get some sleep, please?"

"Fine…"

"Oh no…not fine…"

"You don't care enough to talk about it."

"We don't have to worry about this for several months, and I'm worried about you…now…getting some rest…ok?"

"Fine."

"Meredith…"

"It's fine."

"Mer…it's going to be fine…we'll work it out…we will…when we build the house, we'll plan accordingly, and have room for live in help…"

"What…now you are thinking live in help too?"

"Yes. We're having three kids…that's what you said…we're going to need help."

"That's…Derek… we can't just leave the kids."

"We won't do that… you're going to need to work, want to work… get in there and do some amazing surgeries… save lives…and when we're working, our baby...babies... will be well taken care of and when you're home, you don't have to worry about anything else,

other than spending time with our son...or daughter..."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"I'm sorry."

"You don't have to be sorry."

"I do… I'm being bitchy…and you don't deserve that…hormones are really a bitch Derek."

"Which is why I'm not shutting you up."

"That is not nice"

"You're right, now get some sleep."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…get some sleep."

"Derek…you're right…about later...I know... we have two sons...and...well...who knows...about baby three…we are going to need help."

"That's all I'm saying."

"Derek…our life…it's about to change…our life will change forever."

"I love you…and I can't wait…"

"Neither can I," she said, and he wrapped his arms around her, and gently caressing her back felt her give in to sleep.

The winds of change were just beyond the horizon, unpredictable and uncontrollable.


	85. Chapter 85

**Ch 84 – Dark clouds **

The annoying sound of the alarm woke him, and he hit the snooze twice before he was forced to face the realities of the day, and got up without disturbing her ,giving her a few more minute to sleep.

Fifteen minutes later he sat by her side, and whispered, "Meredith."

"Uhmmm…sleep…so tired…"

"I know…but you need to wake up…"

"Stay…stay in bed with me…"

"I'm already out of bed…"

"Why?"

"You need to get up…your shift starts at eight…"

"Sleep… a little longer…please…"

She felt the pressure of his lips on hers…and remembered…this is how she wanted…needed to greet each day.

"Meredith…if you could…I'd let you, but you need to get up…or you're going to be late."

"Late…oh….crap…I can't…"

"I know," he said, pushing her back against the pillows, "that's what I've been trying to tell you."

"What time is it?"

"Six twenty."

"What…Derek…that's … I'm going to be late."

"No you won't. Ferry leaves at 7:05…you have twenty minutes to get ready."

"That's nothing…"

"You also have time to kiss me good morning…I've even brushed my teeth already."

"Well… I guess I can't complain…."

"No…you can't," he said, as he leaned down and kissed her.

"Four days…just four more days…" she said, when he released her lips.

"Come on lazy bones…I have breakfast and coffee ready for you."

"Derek... I can't... breakfast… not enough time…and I can't drink coffee."

"Made you a grilled cheese sandwich to take with you…I thought you could have decaf…"

"Decaf…you don't have decaf…"

"We do now."

"That was sweet Derek…really sweet, but…no, it's not good for pregnant women, I looked it up…and there's…. it's not good. I can do without coffee for a while…"

"It's not good?"

"No, some research, several in fact, say it's not good for the mom, the risk of heart disease and miscarriage increase…in fact…caffeinated coffee was better…"

"Oh…you can drink coffee…"

"I'm not taking any chances…I can wait…water, milk, tea… bit of chocolate…will be good for the next seven months."

"You've been doing a lot of research…"

"I want a healthy baby…"

"I want a healthy mom and baby…I…I should have looked it up…about coffee…I'm sorry."

"Hey…you're going to read all the books…no need to be sorry…I just…had a few minutes…and…went online…"

"Yeah…"

"Derek…it's ok…"

"I should have known…I should be taking care of you…"

"No, you shouldn't have…why would you…unless there's little Shepherd's out there I don't know about…"

"Uhmm…just the one wife…you know about her …"

"Ok…then…now, I have to get up…"

"That's what I've been saying…."

"Yes," she said and kissed him softly, "but now, baby is making mom very uncomfortable," and got out of bed and headed to the bathroom.

Ten minutes later she was dressed. "Derek, are you ready?"

"I've been ready for a while…" he said as he walked up to her and embraced her, nibbling at her ear, and whispering …"

"Dr. Shepherd…you have a very dirty mind…"she teased, "just four days…and…payback…and all your favorite things…"

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too…let's go."

They walked out towards their cars, "your sandwich and a glass of milk are in your car."

"Thank you." she said smiling.

"See you on the ferry…Kathleen is ready, I just need to swing by and get her."

"Ok…"

"Drive carefully."

"Derek," she said, turning around, and running up to him, "thank you…again…for my gift…" she said as she touched the hearts, and kissed him.

She smiled as she saw Derek and Kathleen walking up to her on the outside deck.

"Good morning, I see you are an early riser…like your brother."

"You mean you're not?"

"I hate early mornings…especially, after no sleep the night before."

"Just in case you're wondering…big sister…she kept me up talking…talking!!"

"I thought you were exhausted."

"I was, but then I was awake, and it was almost five and I couldn't sleep…and Derek…well, he wasn't being very nice or supportive."

"Really," Kathleen said, and playfully swatted him, "you are supposed to be very nice, she emphasized, and supportive, for the next seven months."

"She's lying."

"Derek, how can you say that?"

"I am not lying."

He pulled her in to his arms, "you're not, are you? Tell her what you wanted to talk about."

"This…is not nice…Derek…"

"Go ahead…I'm ready…I can handle this…two women ganging up against me."

"Cooking lessons," Meredith responded.

"Why?"

"I can't cook, I have to learn."

Kathleen laughed, giving her brother an understanding look, "you needed to talk about cooking lessons in the middle of the night?"

"Kathleen, are you making fun of me too?"

"No, honey, not making fun… just laughing with you…hormones are a bitch."

"They certainly are," Meredith replied, and delighted Derek with her giggle.

"For the record, I was very supportive."

"Yes, you were," Meredith said and kissed him. "What's your day like today?"

"We'll get to Anacortes and take nine thirty Ferry to Harbor Island…and let Kat browse all the shops and galleries to her heart's content…and spend lots of guilty money on souvenirs for her kids…and Mom….and the sisters for lying about being out here…what else?"

"I think, there's a slight change in those plans, Meredith, the guilty money is going to be on his credit card, since he's the reason I'm lying…" she joked.

"That's not a problem, I told you…I appreciate you being here," and the hint of sadness could not be eared from his voice.

"Derek, I was kidding…of course, you're not going to pay."

Meredith hugged him, "Kathleen, it means a lot to both of us, that you're here, I just want you to know that, I think that's what Derek's trying to say."

She came up to them both, "it means a lot to me as well, and I would not trade the time we've had together for anything in the world."

"Neither would we Kathleen," he said.

"Enough seriousness…you two…"she said and hugged them both, "we have enough to worry about with those dark clouds looming over our head…it feels like a downpour is about to drench us any minute."

"That's just the typical Seattle skyline…especially this early in the morning," Derek commented, without realizing the dark clouds overhead held much stronger symbolism.

"If you say so…"

"Meredith, the ferry will get us in by three at Anacortes, so I'll be back in time for your appointment."

"Derek, I told you, it's ok…this first time, I'm ok going alone."

"I know you did. It's Dr. Beaumont at six, right?"

"Yes…but, actually, it's Dr. Wyatt."

"You changed doctors, you didn't tell me."

"No, Dr. Wyatt is her married name."

He turned her around, allowing her to lean gently against the railing, and kept his arms around her. "Are you ok, about this evening…today…do you need me here, I can stay."

"No…you need to spend time with your sister…I'm ok…"

Kathleen allowed them the private moment, and walked to the other side taking the time to call her husband.

They were not far from docking when he felt her shiver before she turned and faced him. "Derek, I love you very much," she said, staring intently into his eyes.

"What's wrong?"

"Just…I need you to know that…please, don't ever doubt it…no matter what happens…remember that…" she said, and he saw the tears gathering in her eyes.

"Meredith…what's wrong…are you ok? Are you feeling ok? You're worrying me."

"I …I just…feel...like…things are about to change, big changes…"

"Of course they are…you're starting therapy, and that is very brave…and we're having a baby…and we…we're going to be together for the rest of our lives," he said, and again felt her shiver.

"We are…Derek…aren't we…together for the rest of our lives?"

"Yes…we are…and…you know what, I'm staying with you today."

"No…you can't do that…I'm ok…I want you to spend time with Kathleen…just I have a feeling…"

"That's it…we're staying…last time you had a feeling…or one of them, you had a bomb in your hand."

"Derek…don't be so dramatic."

"You being ok…is not being dramatic."

"I'm fine…we both are…" she said, and held his hand against her abdomen, and whispered, "baby Shep wants his daddy to know, we are both fine, and he should spend the day with his sister."

"You call me…during the day….and if call you…answer the phone."

"Yes…unless I'm in surgery…I'm fine."

"I've never liked your 'fine' Meredith."

"It's a good word, and it applies right now."

"I'll see you later," he said, kissing her softly as Kathleen approached.

"Kathleen, you should love the drive and the islands…and maybe you can keep Derek from driving me crazy and calling every five minutes."

"Why would he do that, are you ok? Are you feeling ok? We can stay."

"That's exactly what he said," she laughed. "I want you to spend the day together, and I'm fine."

"Take it easy, Meredith, that's what we have to do, when we're pregnant, just listen to the body's needs. If you need to rest you rest. You're not going to be good to any patient, if you're falling asleep in the middle of surgery."

"If I'm falling asleep, I'll make sure I'm not I surgery. Go, you two…I'll see you later, we have to get in the cars to drive off the ferry."

He wrapped his arms around her one last time, and kissed her, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you too. Derek, drive safely."

Suddenly he felt her same trepidation and wanted to go back, stop her from leaving, before those changes she mentioned impacted their lives.

Meredith had another twenty five minutes before she had to be at Seattle Grace, and decided to stop at Starbucks. She desperately wanted coffee, but would settle for hot chocolate, and that made her think of Lisette and smiled at the coincidences that they were both pregnant. She was going to bring one back for her too, except she couldn't single her out, so she'd get coffee for the FAB4.

It was amazing, she thought, she never paid much attention to pregnant women around her, and now she, Lisette and Jenna were all due around the same time. Not that Jenna, was around, but it was Derek's sister, and she allowed her mind to wonder at how different all three babies would be. It would be good she thought, to have someone to talk to that was going through the very same thing, and she really liked Lisette, she was one of those nurses that really cared about her patients, well, all the FAB4 were like that, she thought.

Mark was at the nurse's station as Meredith approached.

"I knew you'd save me having to find you," Meredith teased him, "if I showed up here first. Good morning ladies, brought you coffee."

"Dr. Grey, you didn't have to do that…" Amy Lynn commented.

"I wanted to, stopping by here is always a great way to start the day."

"Oh…were you going to be looking for me?"

"Yes, thought I'd return your thoughtfulness and bring you a special blend this morning."

"Grey, you didn't have to do that…as…bestman," he said, and winked at her, both fully understanding he meant godfather, " I can do that…"

"Mark…you are not supposed to say that."

"Why the hell not, it's true."

"Dr. Grey, the whole hospital is talking about it…after yesterday in the OR, you should know that…and bets, are all over, the wedding date, engagement date…what the ring will look like, how big it will be?"

"You moron," she swatted him, "see what you started. Just for that, I shouldn't give you this…Mark, that was not nice…not at all."

"Oh…no…Grey, don't get all complicated about being nice…Derek's not here."

"Here. See if I do that for you again," and handed him the coffee.

"Sorry ladies, he is really such a child," she said, and handing her a cup of coffee said, "wouldn't you agree Tracy?"

"In many ways Dr. Grey, yes…I can certainly agree."

"You weren't singing that tune last night," he said, and all the women present laughed.

"Steph, Amy Lynn, hope you like this blend it had a wonderful aroma."

Mark reached out for her cup to take it away and she said, "what are you doing, that's my cup?"

"Just want to taste your blend," he said, and just for her to hear added, "you can't drink coffee."

"It's the same you brought me, except a little better," she challenged.

"Fine, don't let me taste."

"Lisette, I know you can't have coffee, but brought you hot chocolate with whipped cream, and hope that's ok with your morning sickness and all."

"Dr. Grey, that is so thoughtful, actually, chocolate is perfect…it helps the morning sickness, my husband says I'm going to have the baby addicted to chocolate."

"I'm glad then… are you feeling better…?"

"No…I probably have another 4 weeks of this… but at least it's only in the morning, unlike my first one."

"You mean you had morning sickness…at other times?" Meredith asked, and caught herself before she allowed her reaction to reveal her own secret.

"Oh God, yes, it was any time, all the time for the first twelve weeks."

"Well, I'm glad then, that's it's only mornings now."

"Getting back to the bets," Mark commented.

"No," the five women answered.

"I just want to set the record straight. I am the G-S team's bestman. They just don't know when they're getting married."

"Ladies," Meredith said, "have a good day, I need to get to the briefing."

Thanks and have a good day followed from the nurses, and she walked down towards the lounge with Mark by her side.

"You got chocolate, just like Lisette's," he teased her.

"You think you're so smart."

"Only because I am. How are you feeling?"

"Did all three of you decide to ask me that today?"

"What are you talking about?"

"Derek, Kathleen and now you."

"You're having my godchild…of course I'm going to ask, and Derek's not here today, so it's my job to drive you crazy."

She laughed, "good bye Dr. Sloan."

"Good bye Mrs. Shepherd," and both he and Meredith laughed.

Meredith walked in the lounge to find Cristina, Alex, Izzie, George and Lexie sitting around waiting for her with brooding faces.

"What's going on?"

"You tell us…" Cristina answered.

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said and grabbed a pair of scrubs.

"Mer," Izzied said, "you can't just walk away and pretend nothing's going on…we thought we were your friends."

"What are you all talking about?"

"Grey…just spill it…the whole hospital knows…there's all sorts of bets already." Alex added.

"You mean…that Derek and I are getting married?"

"Oh…she suddenly remembered…" Cristina said sarcastically.

"Cristina, that was just Mark, in the OR…it's not like it's official."

"Really, could have fooled us…" Izzie said, "Mer, the entire hospital knows, and you didn't tell us."

"There was nothing to tell…the only thing…really that is true, is that when Derek and I get married, Mark is going to be the bestman."

"Mer…you're getting married…really… Derek proposed," Lexie said, and could not hide her excitement, "but you could have told us," she continued with a bit of reproach in her voice.

"Ok…you know what…don't you have a briefing to attend, you're going to make me late."

"We took care of that, and it's delayed a half hour, so speak up, now," Cristina ordered.

"I'm going to change, and I will be back and tell you what happened," and she did, relating the entire story of the OR events, without including her previous conversation with Mark, before agreeing to scrub in.

"Are you satisfied now? It was all Mark's doing, and really, Derek and I, well it's understood we want to get married, and we have discussed it, but he has not proposed, though I have told him I will say yes, when he does."

"You two are really made for each other. That is just pathetic."

"Cristina, I agree with you, Mer, it is," Izzie said.

"It is not."

"Yeah…Mer," George said, "I kind of agree with Cristina and Iz, it is pathetic, you've talked about marriage, he's going to propose, but hasn't, and you've told him you're going to say yes when he does."

"You wouldn't understand."

"You're right, we don't," but at least I won't be putting any money down just yet," Alex commented.

"I think, it's romantic…that you both know…and it will happen whenever you're both ready," Lexie said.

"Thank you Lexie."

"She doesn't count…she's just an intern," Cristina said.

"Hey, so am I," George defended.

"Exactly," Cristina quipped.

"She does count, she's my sister."

"Dude, sister trumps person."

"No one trumps anything, it's just a fact, and she got it…she understood."

"I have to say," Alex added, "Sloan rocked putting Rose in her place, that's the talk of the hospital as well."

"Yeah, well, I wish, that had not been necessary."

"Take that up with Shepherd, he created the situation."

"Cristina, if you remember correctly…you were partly responsible as well."

"Stop defending him Meredith. So I said something you misunderstood, but if he had not created the situation to begin with, it would not have been an issue."

"You're right. Derek and I have dealt with it, now I have to go," she said and walked out.

Lexie followed her, "Meredith, are you all right?"

She was ready to snap at her, but stopped herself. "Yes. Yes, I am."

" I'm sorry, Mer, I shouldn't have been there, I could just have talked to you about it."

"It's ok, they are a hard bunch to stand up against when they set up their mind to something."

"They care about you, and they felt left out…that something important like that had happened, and they didn't know."

"Lex…it happened as I told it…if it was anything else, of course, I'd tell them."

"Are you mad at me?" she asked seeking her sister's approval.

"No. I'm not. In fact, what are you doing tonight?"

"Nothing, we found the apartment, now we have to wait to move in, and I've already packed all the stuff at home, just waiting."

"When did you do that? Why didn't you wait for me to go with you?"

"You have enough going on, George went with me."

'I don't want you going over there alone."

"I won't…I'm not going to put myself in that situation."

"Promise?"

"Yes."

"Ok…so tonight, I know it's short notice…and I know…you may not want to….I mean…I haven't been exactly…well, I wasn't always welcoming… or nice to you…but now…I just want…"

"Mer…focus."

"Have dinner with us tonight, Derek and his sister Kathleen."

"You…you want me to have…have dinner…with his sister…"

"You…you…don't want to…" Meredith questioned, both sisters revealing similar feelings of doubt and deep desire for acceptance by the other.

"I do…Mer… I do…it's just…you…you…want me to have dinner with you…and…are you…will you tell her, I'm your sister…."

"Lexie…of course…I'm going to tell her…why wouldn't I…" she said, and saw the vulnerability in her sister's eyes, "you are my sister…and I wouldn't change that…now that I've found you…I wouldn't want that to ever change."

"That …that means a lot…Mer…it means so much…" and she wiped a tear away, just as her sister did.

"It means a lot to me too. Now, go on, we can't stand here and cry."

"Have a good day Mer."

"You too Lex, I'll let you know where we're meeting later."

"Hey, isn't your therapy today?"

"Yes."

"Are you ok?"

"I will be. I have to be," she said, and laid her hand softly on her abdomen.

_AN 5/18 Thanks everyone, each of you was wonderful with your comments. So, though there's only 4 on the last one...you made up for it with the previous chapter. So here is ch 84...working on 85 now. Have a very good week. _


	86. Chapter 86

Ch 85

**Ch 85 - The beginning **

Derek and Kathleen had been on their way for about ten minutes, traveling North on I-5 towards Vancouver, when she put an end to chit chat.

"Derek, I need to understand what's happened. When you called me, I couldn't wait to get out here fast enough, but nothing makes sense. For all intents and purposes you and Meredith are working through your problems, and you're happy. But, that is obviously not the case. You need to talk to me…so start now."

He took a deep breath and she could see his hands gripping the steering wheel, no longer relaxed, not answering her right away.

"I can't lose her Kathleen, I can't lose her again," he said, and she heard the deep emotion and turmoil in his voice, "and that night…that night…when I called you, I thought I might,"and then, the broken sob.

"Derek, what exactly does that mean?"

"It was…it was all my fault," he paused, "the day I called you, she was happy…and we were with friends and…and it ruined the night… and then we argued and," he took another deep breath, and she could hear the broken sobs, "she…she told me…she would have been better off if she joined her mother…when she drowned…Kathleen, she regretted…being alive."

"Oh, my God, Derek," she said, without taking her eyes from him, seeing the increasing torment in his demeanor.

"Pull over," she ordered, but he did not react, and she repeated, "pull over, I'm driving."

"I can drive."

"Derek, damn it, pull over, you are not in any condition to drive."

He did as she ordered, which surprised her, but it also told her things were much worse than she imagined. He brought the car to a stop and she waited for him to come around to her side, and it was then she got out of the car, letting him take her place in the passenger seat.

"Listen to me," she said, "there are obviously many things I am not aware of, and we will discuss them, but, right now, I need for you to know that what I saw last night, and today…the love and affection between the two of you, her happiness over this baby…it just does not allow me to reconcile what you've just said. I am your sister, and that is my first priority to take care of you…but, I am the best in my field, and we are going to get to the bottom of this, but you are going to start at the beginning."

"She…she has to be ok…Kathleen, everything she's been through…she's got to be ok, and I'm not sure…I'm enough."

"Derek, she loves you…her eyes leave nothing hidden, they don't lie…it's like looking in her soul…and you are enough…"

"I wasn't before."

"What do you mean?"

"She gave up, Kathleen, she didn't swim, and she knows how to."

"Derek," she said, turning his face to look at her, she could see the anguish in his eyes, "she is going to be fine, and so are you, the two of you together, your family, you are going to be fine," she said hugging him close to her, and as her resolve began to slip she walked away before he could the tears in her eyes.

Once in the driver's seat, she glanced over at him, where he sat serious and unmoving, and pulled out from the hazard lane into the highway. She drove in the same northern direction until she found the first exit.

"Where are you going," he said, already too late, "we need to keep going north."

"I'm turning around, we're not driving anywhere but back to your place."

"What…why?"

"Derek, I know what it took for you to reach out to me. From what you've just said, that was the tip of a sinking iceberg, and we are not going to be on the road to discuss this."

"Kathleen, we can talk on the way, it's ok."

"No it's not. You were a wreck when you called Derek, and from what I've send to what you've just said, there is a hell of a gap, and I can tell you, neither of us is going to be in any mood to enjoy or care to drive anywhere but to your home, because, there's a lot to be said here…and it's not to be said in public."

"You…you came out…I'm grateful, I want you to enjoy some of the trip."

"Derek, I am here because of you…because you are my brother, and I love you…and you sounded desperately in need of support and that is why I lied to Mom, and our sisters, and left my family behind…and I do not need nor care to sight see…when my brother obviously needs me more than I ever imagined."

"I'm sorry…I know you've had an enjoyable time…and now…I'm ruining…"

"Now, you are doing what should have probably happened many months ago…you are going to tell me what the hell is wrong, and if you want to yell or scream or cry or even if I do…we need privacy, not tourism as an audience."

"Mark is right, you are truly very bossy."

"Damn right I am. Now, start talking."

"I don't even know where to start."

"At the beginning, and Derek, I'm not here to be nice and tell you you're perfect and always right."

"I don't think that."

"Well, you see…you're wrong…you do think that you are always right, and that you always have to be perfect…and you are not, and you don't. That's what I mean, I'm going to hear what you have to say, but I am here to help, not to necessarily agree with you."

"I don't expect that you are going to agree with me on everything."

"Good, we understand each other."

"I love you Kathleen. Thank you."

"Point me in the right direction, and start talking."

"The beginning…" he said.

"The beginning Derek."

"One night, in New York, I came home…it was raining…I went upstairs, and found Addison and Mark in our bed. He left. I threw all her clothes out the front door and locked her out, leaving her standing getting soaked in the rain. Eventually, I opened the door. But, my marriage was over. I walked out, got a job and flew to Seattle."

"Derek, for the record, all we heard was that you'd packed up and left."

"What more was there to tell about that night? Details of how I found them in the throes of passion, in the bed my wife and I had shared years," he spit out angrily.

"I'm not questioning you…"

"You all judged me, and you judged her…the slutty intern, without knowing what the fuck had happened."

"Hey, it would have been just as easy for you to tell us what you just told me, rather than try to avoid dealing with the reality that your marriage had been over for years."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"We are not going to get very far if you don't own up to the real situation Derek."

"You're saying it was my fault."

"No, I'm not…what led to Addison cheating on you, that's something between the two of you…which I presume has been discussed and laid to rest, since you have both moved on. I'm not here to judge, and don't especially care, because what we need to deal with now is you and Meredith."

"I don't mean to be defensive."

"I understand that you would feel that way."

"The shrink talking Kathleen?"

"You're going to hear a combination, but Derek…who you will hear…most of the time…is your sister talking."

"That's who I need."

"You've got me… except…I can't help if the other me has some influence."

"Fair enough."

"So you flew out to Seattle, and you met Meredith."

"I met Meredith."

"How did you meet?"

"Across from the hospital, there's a bar. One night, I was there, and she was sitting at the bar alone, and I was totally captivated by her…in my eyes, she was beautiful, and I knew I was meant to meet her. I walked up to her, she tried to ignore me. That night, behind the words we exchanged, there were a many hidden truths…mostly about the pain each of us was trying to hide, regrettably or fortunately…with liquor."

"Did you know that then?"

"No, we had a one night stand. I woke up at her house the next morning."

"You have to admit Derek, that does not normally lead…"

"Ok… you hear that…that comment…that's why I never talked to any of you about this."

"I am making a well founded statement Derek. One night stands do not normally turn out to be your soul mate."

"But she is."

"I know that, as you are hers."

"Then why are you judging her…us…"

"I'm not. Simply stating facts."

"You charge how much for this kind of therapy crap?"

"Plenty, you ungrateful moron," she smiled.

"To both our surprise…shock really, we saw each other the next day at the hospital. It was her first day as a surgical intern, and I was by default her boss, or as she put it, her boss' boss – and I pursued her, relentlessly, and she fought it, until neither of us could ignore the chemistry or the feelings that were developing between us."

"Derek…I know you don't want me to judge her…but, you were married…she had to know it could not last."

"She didn't know."

"When did you tell her?"

"I didn't…."

"What do you mean, you didn't tell her?"

"Addie did, when she showed up two months later."

"You were together for two months…and you did not tell her."

"No, but there were reasons…"

"Derek Christopher, that is a crock of shit…you did not tell her you were married, what the hell was wrong with you," she said and slapped his arm hard across the console.

"I'm telling you things as they happened, so instead of providing a running commentary, just listen."

Choosing to ignore his comment, she asked him, "is the next exit what we need."

"Yes."

"How the hell could you not tell her you were married Derek? That's inexcusable."

"My marriage was over, and I was going to tell her, and before I had a chance Addie showed up.

"Lame, Derek, very lame."

"Kathleen…you don't know what it was like…walking in on my wife…having sex with my best friend…the best I could manage was to just walk out."

"I'm not disputing that, but how could you lie to Meredith, how could you possibly think you could be in a relationship based on lies?"

"I admit it… I was stupid…I was an ass…but it happened I can't go back and change it."

"You said she fought the idea of going out with you, what changed?"

"From the very beginning, we've had…this….Kathleen…being with Meredith is magical…she makes me whole…made me feel again…made me hope again…I was drowning and she saved me…"

Ironically, they had reached the ferry terminal, and as he said those words, they were given the signal to drive aboard.

"When did you know you were in love with her?"

"Maybe I always knew…the moment I met her…she was my soul mate…but…knowing I was in love with her…it was so many different things," he said, "but knowing for certain…the night she trusted me blindly…and I basically betrayed that."

"What happened?"

"Let's get out…I need to walk," he said, and they made their way to the deck, "and I want to call Meredith."

"Derek…it hasn't been much more than an hour since you saw her, you are going to drive her nuts."

"I want to talk to her now, make sure she's ok…and I'll tell her, I won't pester her the rest of the day."

"Right!"

He was relieved she answered right away, "hey, how are you feeling?"

"This is early, even for you, I'm fine Derek."

"Just wanted to hear your voice, before your day gets hectic."

"Derek, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong…"

"There is…Derek…don't lie to me… I told you…I have this feeling."

"Nothing is wrong…and I promise to let you work the rest of the day…just call me, if you need anything…call me."

"Derek…you're a few hours away…I hardly think you're going to be able to get over here if I need anything," she said without thinking how her statement sounded, and as a result, in small ways, both reverted to old patterns of insecurities and second guessing.

"I offered to stay, Meredith," he said coldly, "I offered to stay, and you said it wasn't necessary."

"Derek, "I didn't mean anything by what I said…."she said detecting his coldness,

"why …are you talking to me like this?"

"Like what," he said, even more distant.

"Nothing…it's nothing…" she said quietly, "I…I have to go…"

He could hear the sadness in her voice, and reacted immediately, "don't go…please."

"I… I have patients."

"Meredith, I'm sorry."

"That's fine Derek."

"Please…don't…don't do this, we promised, not turning way. I'm sorry, I reacted defensively…you have a feeling…and I was going to be hours away….if you needed me…that's all."

"That's not what I meant…"

"I know…and look, we didn't drive north, we decided just to stay here."

"Oh no, now, I know something happened, Derek… what's wrong…you weren't in an accident, Derek…tell me…you were supposed to go…and if you didn't something has to be wrong."

"Hey, stop it…nothing is wrong…"

"Please don't lie to me…if something's wrong…"

"I'm not…we're fine. Kathleen and I just decided we needed time to talk…in private…not while playing tourists around Friday Harbor."

"Oh," she said, fighting the urge to cry "I understand…I know…you have a lot to tell her…"

"Meredith, if I hear you crying I'm going to be very upset with you…"

"I'm…I'm not…"

"I can hear you…I'm sorry for being such an ass, I love you…I love you very much."

"Thank you."

"Thank you…I tell you I love you…and you say thank you…"

"You said you were sorry, and I said thank you."

"But…you didn't tell me that you love me."

"Derek…we just jumped to all sorts of wrong conclusions…and you were not nice…it was not nice for you to be cold and distant with me."

"I know…and I said I was sorry…but you made assumptions too…"

"Only because of you…not being nice…"

"Meredith…"

"Yes…"

"You know how you always tell me, that I say I love you to divert you attention?"

"Yes…"

"When I hear, Derek…not nice…" he said softly, "I know…I'm really in trouble…"

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"I do love you…"

"I love you too."

"Why did you really change your mind?"

"We started talking, and…there's a lot…a lot to talk about…lots of emotions…"

"She…she's going to hate me… isn't she…"

"Why would you say that?"

"Derek, I know why you called her…what I said…what I said that night, about drowning…she's going to hate me…"

"She does not hate you, nor is she going to…in fact, I've already been put in my place several times, including getting slapped hard across the driver's seat."

"Do you…Derek, do you think…she will understand…"

"She will… believe me… she will…"

"I really do have to go now…"

"Call me…if you need anything…we'll be home…"

"Derek…when you talk…and you tell her…all that's happened…will you …please…tell her…I'm sorry…"

"For what?"

"For hurting you," she said, "for hurting you…the night you called her…"

"Meredith, we know we've hurt each other…but…didn't we agree we were not going to let ourselves go back….to how things were…avoiding…and not talking?"

"Yes."

"Well, we just failed that…in about three minutes time…"

"I know."

"But you know what?"

"What?"

"We recognized it…Meredith…that's what we need to do…we have to hold each other responsible….and not let things like that happen…"

"So…we're ok?"

"We're more than ok."

"Derek…just for the record…"

"Yes…"

"I had an excuse…"

"Really?"

"Yes…it's my hormones," she teased, and he laughed.

"I love you Meredith."

"You have to be nice Derek…all the time," she teased.

"Yes…yes…I do…but…for the record…"

"Yes…"

"Maybe…there's sympathy hormones too," he said and delighted in her laughter.

Kathleen walked around the deck while he spoke to Meredith, and then approached him.

"Is everything ok, it didn't look like it for a while there."

"You can interpret from far away?"

"I know you."

"Yeah, you do. We had a slight misunderstanding."

"Derek, why?"

"Kathleen…"

"No, Derek, there should not be any misunderstandings, you need to deal with things as they happen and not leave them till later to fester and get all blown out of proportion."

"Kat…"

"What?"

"We did."

"You did what?"

"We had a misunderstanding, and we cleared it up…unlike before…we took care of it while we spoke."

"Fine then."

"Who's side are you on anyway?"

"She's pregnant and hormonal, and I now what that is like," she said, and he laughed.

"You laugh now… just you wait, when I tell Mom…that you did not call her, and tell her she was going to be a grandmother again…and are having absolutely no regard for Meredith being pregnant and hormonal."

"You're bribing me?"

"That's what sisters are for."

"We both agreed…it's hormones…and I laughed, because you are certainly mother hen."

"She needs someone, Derek…she needs someone to look after her, and this is a very vulnerable time."

"I'm going to do that."

"Derek, I've been thinking, about everything you've said, and maybe…what she said the other night…was just part of all the emotions, all the changes taking place…and Derek, I'm sure she did not mean that…the way she looks at you….the way she talks about your baby…you need to tell me the rest, how… why do you feel you betrayed her trust?"

"I pursued her after our first night together, and she finally agreed to have breakfast with me one day, but refused to date me. Then one particularly bad day, when I had actually treated her like crap in front of her resident, she confronted Miranda head on…and lost…but it made her realize what we were feeling for each other was worth her wrath, and we spent the night with a bottle of wine watching over the ferry boats…and that night I began to fall in love with her."

"Did she feel the same way?"

"I don't think either of us recognized it as love at the time."

"When did you?"

"Uhmmm….after I spent a week at her house…even her roommates began to joke about it…she wanted more…to know more…and I was not giving her any information, told he she needed to take some things on faith…."

"Faith Derek…but not truth…"

"I know the mistakes I made," he said, as they neared the docking station, "I'll drive back, we can finish the conversation later."

"Derek Shepherd, you are not going to avoid this."

"I'm not, Kathleen…I just need to clear my head."

"That's ok…do you want to grab a late breakfast?"

"Sure…there are quite a few places to choose from, you'll enjoy the quaintness."

"I'm hungry…let's find something soon."

"Why didn't you say something before?"

"I wasn't as hungry then, and I had a yogurt and coffee before you came to get me."

They found lovely café and enjoyed a leisurely breakfast, giving Derek the much needed time to gather his thoughts, and then she suggested he drive her to the site where he would be building a home, so she could see it during daylight.

"Derek, this is absolutely beautiful, I can see why you love this so much. When do you plan on building?"

"Soon. Meredith and I need to sit down and figure out what we want…you know, part of the sleepless night was a discussion on nannies and household help."

"Are you kidding?"

"No, she was not too keen on the idea, but I think she's come around."

"Derek, I can understand she would be reluctant, but believe me, two doctors in the house you need help."

"That's what I told her…I think she finally agreed we needed to think about it."

"I can talk to her."

"No…she needs to figure some things out for herself…and she does…just need to give her a little time."

"I certainly would not turn down a nanny or hive in help."

"You have those Kathleen."

"Exactly."

He walked with her back to the area where he and Meredith had spent their evening, and since the two chairs remained, they sat and continued to talk.

"Kathleen, Meredith grew up with a mother, whose memory she protects fiercely to anyone who'd dared to question it, and her loyalty is commendable, but the truth is that Ellis Grey was a bitch who never cared about her daughter, and Meredith grew up knowing she was never her priority, she was always second or third if that."

"Derek, Ellis Grey had a brilliant reputation."

"As a surgeon. As a mother, she failed Meredith in every way possible. She basically grew up alone, and I am so proud of who she is…and the sad thing is that she does not realize how very special she is…in spite of her mother, she's loyal, caring, compassionate and she's going to be a brilliant doctor…she is going to be better than Ellis Grey, because she is already becoming a first rate surgeon…but she has the heart that goes with greatness."

"What went wrong?'

"She had a crappy childhood."

"What more?"

Derek went on to explain the circumstances of her childhood, leading to the day of Richards's surgery.

"Weeks went by, and we were together all the time, and one day, a particularly hard day for her, she trusted me, where she had trusted no one and shared her secret with me. Her mother had early onset of Alzheimer's and was in a nursing home, and did not want anyone to know, so the entire burden fell on Meredith, and she was a wonderful daughter, a lot of others would have left her alone, sometimes I wish Meredith had, because Ellis Grey totally devastated and destroyed her spirit."


	87. Chapter 87

**Ch 86 – Revelations **

Kathleen listened, absorbing all he was revealing.

"She kept pushing me, to find out more about me," he paused, and smiled thinking back to the moment she was following him on the bridge, and continued, "she told me she wouldn't sleep with me until she learned more about me, and then I actually got mad at her for continuing to push it."

"You got mad at her, for wanting to learn more about you?"

"Don't use that censorial tone with me, I'm being honest and trying to tell you this as objectively as I can."

"It's just hard Derek, to understand why you were not honest with her from the beginning."

"If I could change that, I would. But, I can't."

"Go on, it sounds like that was just a small part of …what is it over eighteen months of your life?"

"I realized, I wasn't being fair to her…and though I did not tell her about Addie, I allowed myself to start opening u and shared my new life with her, no one had been out there, she was the first one…the land…the trailer…and told her just a little bit about me," he repeated part of the evening, and conversation, "and she trusted me Kathleen, she took it all on faith, as I asked, and just took my hand…and I did not have the decency or courage to tell her I was married."

"How long before she found out?"

"Not long at all," he laughed sarcastically, "before Addie flew in on her broomstick."

"Derek."

"She was the bitch from hell."

"She was your wife."

"She was the woman who cheated on me with my best friend, my brother," he spat out, "on our bed."

"I'm sorry, I should not be defending Addison."

"No, you should not," he snapped, and sat in silence.

"Derek, I'm only going to be here a couple days, tell me the rest."

"That single action, taking my hand and trusting me, began to restore my own faith, in life and love. She saved me Kathleen, and I betrayed that trust with my silence."

"What happened after that night?"

"She told me about her mother, trusted me, I always accuse her of not trusting people, but she did, and I had decided, that night, we were going out to dinner to tell her the truth, about my marriage, what had happened, but before I had a chance Addie showed up."

"And you told her?"

"Oh no, didn't have a chance to do that. We were getting ready to go out, leaving the hospital, when she walked up."

"She just walked up? Unannounced?"

"Basically. She'd tried calling me all day, and I had ignored her calls. Apparently, Richard saw Meredith and I together, and called her in for a consult, the interfering meddling busybody."

"I thought you like Richard? He's living on your land."

"I do, and believe me, with him, it's a hell of a lot more complex that meets the eye, we'll get to that."

"So, Addie walks up to you and Meredith…"

"That's what she did…and introduced herself in her own inimitable fashion, "I'm Addison Shepherd, and you must be the woman who is screwing my husband."

"For the love of God, Derek…how do you get past that?"

"You don't."

"Obviously, you did, since you and Addie divorced and you are with Meredith."

"She was furious with me, at first, threatened to run me down in the parking lot."

"I don't blame her."

"You'd have no brother."

"I'd have probably done you bodily harm myself on her behalf."

"Good to know."

"Addie didn't need protecting Derek, she could stand on her own. Meredith, there's…this vulnerability behind this wall of …I don't know how to explain it, but there's this look...a sense of her trying to be self sufficient…to do it all by herself…as though it's a bad thing to have to lean on someone."

"She's had to it on her own Kathleen…since she was a kid, and I know…sometimes, I can see this look in her eyes, where she retreats to this place where I can't reach her…and I know there's so much more she hasn't said, but she's done it all…by herself," he said, and told her about Ellis and Richard and Thatcher abandoning Meredith.

"My failure to be honest, put her through hell, when the hospital gossip mill nailed her for being involved with me, for sleeping with me to get ahead, you name it, I put her through that, I could have avoided it and didn't. Even the patient on he consult heard about it, and refused to have her on the case. I have to say one thing for Addison, she set the patient straight, and told her she'd been the one cheating on me. Meredith came out here and confronted me, and I told her what had happened, but she said it wasn't enough, and left."

"There's deep strength within her, but Derek, she's fragile, and she carries a sadness within her."

"You can tell?"

"Yes and Mark, surprising as it is, was right. I do want to protect her."

He reached his hand out to his sister, "thank you," he said, emotion deeply rooted in his voice, "she's never had people to count on, or to care for her, and I've let her down almost from the day I met her."

"She loves you Derek, you have not always let her down," Kathleen said, gently squeezing his hand in support before releasing it.

"I was as bad as her mother, when I went back to Addie, I broke her spirit all over again, and still she gave me a chance to be her friend, to confide in me, and I betrayed her trust again," he said thinking back to the day he'd called her a whore and threw George back at her face.

He told her about not signing the divorce papers, trying to make his marriage work, doing the honorable thing, and at Christmas, after a month of being back with her, told Addison he was in love with Meredith.

"You told Addie that?"

"I told her she had not been a fling, that I had fallen in love with her, and that my decision to stay with her, did not mean I stopped loving Meredith."

"Derek, if you felt that way, why did you stay with Addison, why not get a divorce?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing. Kathleen, how can you ask that, we were raised to believe in marriage and family and working through it all, I did what I thought was the honorable thing, and tried to make my marriage work, to make up for whatever fault I had in what it had become."

"Derek, sometimes…the honorable thing…is being true to yourself, to your heart."

"I found out too late."

"It's never too late."

"We tried to be friends," he said, "Kathleen, we are like moths to a flame, we could not stay away, and kidded ourselves, pretending to be friends, but we just needed to be with each other. Just breathing in her scent made me whole, and I couldn't be with her."

"Well, I for one, can tell you that was the most idiotic decision you've ever made, trying to make a marriage work for months, after you knew you were in love with Meredith, and even told Addison. Derek, why didn't you call me, why did you have to go through all of this alone? We are your family, we have always been there to support each other, and it pisses me off you went through this alone and did not reach out to us."

"I'd already failed Kathleen, in my marriage, I had not been enough for Addison, she had gone and looked elsewhere. I did not want to feel I had disappointed my family as well."

"Derek, Mom dotes on you, if you let her. She'd never…well, never mind, she'd give you hell first and lecture you, but she'd have supported you. She wants us to be happy, Derek."

"I wasn't ready to take that risk."

He went on to tell her about those months with Addie and the relationship with Meredith, sharing Doc, and in his opinion, his betrayal of the trust she'd placed in him, when she told him about George, and his reaction when she tried to move on with her life, and started to date Finn.

"I basically called her a whore Kathleen," he'd been brutally honest with her, "I'm sharing this with you, as my sister, but I expect you to maintain all of this in the confidentiality expected of you as a doctor, because it is what she deserves, and I'm telling you because I need help, I need help to deal with many things, and I want to make sure I never let her down again."

"You don't have to ask that. Derek, I already know this."

"She knows…I'm talking with you, that I'm not going to hold back, and she didn't even ask me not to…instead," he said, and she could hear him trying to compose himself, "instead, she's worried you'll hate her, and asked me to tell you she was sorry…"

"Sorry…for what?"

"For hurting me…for me, needing to call you as a result."

"Oh, Derek, I want to pull her in my arms and hug her."

He relayed the rest of the events, the bomb incident, his desperation when he did not see Meredith, going to her house just to see her, to see she was alive. He told her of Addison's accusations that she wasn't Meredith Grey in front of everyone, and without the obvious unnecessary details included Doc's death and what led to him and Meredith being together at the prom.

"Addison found Meredith's panties in your jacket, how stupid can you be, did you want her to find out?"

"No, and when I went to find her, to tell her the truth, tell her our marriage was over, I found Mark instead, coming out of the bathroom, with only a towel around his waist."

"Merciful heaven, Derek, this is a soap opera," she said, breaking the heaviness that had settled over their conversation.

"I think Meredith might found humor in that," he said.

"Not so sure about that, but you want to be delusional, go ahead."

"I'm not delusional, she'd see the humor in that statement."

"Ok."

"You're being condescending, Kathleen."

"I don't think, especially, the way her hormones are raging right now, that she'd find humor in it, but hey…I'm only a woman…who's been pregnant, several times…and a psychiatrist."

"You don't know Meredith."

"You are taunting me…how much do you want to bet?"

"I'm not betting on this?"

"Sure you are, we'll ask her… plain and simple…if she think it's funny?"

"I'm not going to do that."

"See…you're not sure."

"Fine, we'll ask her."

"Winner pays for dinner tonight."

"I thought you were planning on winning."

"I am."

"Shouldn't the loser pay for dinner?"

"Not tonight, my treat, either way."

He felt his phone vibrate, indicating an incoming text message.

-hey, in between surgeries, all good?

-yes, you?

-just tired

-take a break

-did already

-you did? are you feeling ok?

-yes, don't worry

-of course I worry

-we're ok, being tired is normal

-don't over do it

-kathleen doesn't hate me?

-no, she does not

-did you tell her I was sorry

-yes

-thank you

-she's treating us to dinner tonight

-oh

-what's wrong

-long story but sort of invited lexie

-you mean the two of you for dinner only

-no for her to join us wanted her to meet Kathleen,you know she's my sister

-I know that

-she's my only family here

-it's fine, that will be very nice

-you're sure?

-yes

-have to go

-I love you

-me too

"She's ok?"

"She is. She invited her sister to join us for dinner tonight."

"Lexie, right?"

"Yes, they just met you know?

"What do you mean?"

"Let me go on…it will explain things."

"So, you walked in on Mark and Addie, again…"

"Yes, but this time it was liberating. Knowing I could move on without any guilt."

"I can understand that."

Derek told her about his decision to end the marriage, knowing after he had been with Meredith, he could no longer pretend. He loved her, had loved her forever, and finally told her, after being forced to stay in quarantine at the hospital, he realized he could lose her, she could move on to someone else, because he had never told her. What he had not counted on, he told her was Meredith choosing to date both him and Finn.

"Good for her."

"What? How can you say that? I'd just told her I loved her, and she decides to date him?"

"Derek, you chose to go back to your wife, granted, you told her you'd chosen wrong, whatever, but you spent months with your wife, leaving her to fend for herself, and then after one I've loved you forever, you expect her to give everything up and believe you, I wouldn't have. I would not trust you."

"What do you mean you wouldn't trust me. I just told you the truth."

"Actions, Derek, always speak louder than words, and you have said nothing to me so far, about your actions, that would make her trust you."

"What's this, you're totally on her side, and not even giving any thought to what I'm saying, just blindly accept it's all my fault. Is that what you do to your patients, no wonder I never believed in therapists, you all take sides."

"Stop whining. This is what sisters who happen to be a psychiatrist do. Try to be objective, and I would love to hear her perspective on all of this, but you know what…bottom line, I want to make sure my brother and the woman he loves find the way to be happy…and I want to be there to celebrate with them every step of the way…your baby… a wedding…more kids…baptisms…birthdays, first communions…graduations… silver anniversaries…all those milestones that love brings to our lives."

"You're a good sister, Kathleen, I just don't take kindly to criticism."

"We all know that, your perfection illusion, and yes , I'm the best…even if I'm not your favorite."

"I do not think I'm perfect. Hey, even Jenna is your favorite," he joked, speaking of their youngest sibling, "but you are my confidante…and my conscience, always have been."

"Always will be Derek."

"Kathleen, by default…the one I trust…the one I'm trusting to help with my life and hers…is really my favorite."

"Your secret is safe with me," she joked, "I won't breathe a word to Jenna."

"I love all of you, you know."

"Even Nancy?" she laughed.

"Even Nancy, though I wanted to clobber her…when she visited."

"Tell me about that, and how did the dating two men work out?"

"It didn't," he said, and filled in as many details for her to get the whole picture, without regard to how foolish he himself would look.

"Derek, sometimes, I swear you are so completely brainless."

"What now?"

"Why in the world, did you walk away? You just found out she was possibly pregnant, with your child, she's the woman you love, and you walk away, what in the hell was going through your brain?"

"I thought I was doing the right thing, that she deserved someone better."

"What is it with you and this sense of not being good enough, we're re really going to have to work on that."

"That is not the reason I'm talking to you."

"It might not be, but you need to deal with it. Meredith's made her choice, she believes you are, and is not looking for someone better. I'm going to look for and recommend the best therapist out here because you need to deal with your issues, it's not just Meredith."

"That's bull, Kathleen."

"No it's not. She's taking the fist step, you need to do the same, but we will deal with that later. I mean it Derek, if you expect to both be healthy in this relationship, you have to work on your issues as well."

He was silent for a while, before he turned to her, "You don't know what you're talking about. I wasn't enough for Addison, and I keep failing Meredith. There's reason for me to think that I'm not good enough, especially Meredith…when…she … she chose to give up in the water, because I was not enough to fight for…the idea of our life together was not enough to live for, and she gave up and drowned."

_AN 5/25 Thanks for all your comments, they are so very much appreciated. I will have at least one chapter Sunday & Monday. I have gone back and updated Ch 85 - The Beggining, and corrected the refrence to "last night" I lost track...when Derek called Kathleen, it was the night before, so I just refer to it as that night! There's one more chapter for Derek to bring Kathleen up to date with their lives, and then we continue with the story..._


	88. Chapter 88

**Ch 87 - Unpredictable storms **

"Derek, she's alive. There has to be a reason she's alive."

"I don't know. We haven't really talked about that at length."

"Derek, do you mean to tell me that girl did not go to therapy after what happened?"

"She did not."

"Why? You just told me she gave up, that is a serious statement. She is a doctor, she has to treat patients, at the very least, someone should have talked to her."

"I believe they did, but she did not go to any formal therapy sessions."

"You believe they did, you don't know? And the two of you, you didn't talk about this, her experience?"

"She did talk to someone from psych, it should be in her file. No, we did not really talk about it."

"Derek, that is irresponsible on both your part and hers, and the hospital's."

"I can't force her to talk."

"You most certainly should have. One does not go through an experience like that, and sweep it under the rug, Derek, you should know this, you are a doctor, and she is supposed to be the woman you love, you don't just forget about something like that."

"I never forgot it," he yelled, "I spent days just watching her breathe, making sure that she was alright, watching over her…"

"That is not the point. You needed to talk to her, to understand what happened. As doctors, it's inexcusable that you and Richard did not insist on this, as the man who loves her, it's cowardly and unacceptable."

"Don't you dare tell me I was a coward."

"You were. I'm sorry, how can you ignore something like that. Whether she gave up, or it simply happened, you don't ignore something like that. It changes a person, Derek, and Meredith should not have dealt with that alone."

"I tried to be there for her, she didn't want to talk about it, that's how she deals with things, avoiding them, I can't force her…"

"I can see it, all the problems…part of them anyway, the two of you are not so different…you both avoid dealing with issues …"

"You don't know what you're talking about," he got up and accused angrily.

"But I do," she said getting up as well, "you've been doing this since Daddy died, Derek never talking about it, never facing what really happened, walking away from your problems with Addison, running away from them…instead of confronting them, keeping us all away…and now this…you are avoiding as much as she is…and if you don't start to deal with things…"

"That's enough."

"No, it's not. This is why I'm here. This is why you called me, because you know you can't run away from this anymore, not if you want to have a chance in hell of saving your relationship with Meredith."

He turned away in anger, and walked towards the slope of the cliff that was his land.

Kathleen allowed him the time alone he needed, but not for too long and began to walk towards him. She could see by his stance how much he was hurting, while he gazed far away to the horizon, and stood beside him, placing her arm around his waist and felt him become rigid.

"I know, that you think I was the nastiest most awful bitch from hell, but you need to hear those things, because, you have to face your issues. You have a baby on the way, with the woman you love and you should welcome that baby without all these issues. You have both been through a lot these past months, and it's time for both of you to heal."

"You made it sound like I didn't care…like I didn't care enough about her, and just let it go, and that is not fair."

"I think you care very deeply, but you didn't know how to handle something that was so totally unexpected and foreign to you."

"I lost her Kathleen," he sobbed, "I pulled her out of the water, and she was blue…and I kept trying to make her breathe, and I lost her…I could not save her…and she had given up…"

"Derek," she said with tears matching his own, "you did save her, honey, you did…she's here, alive and well, that was you…you saved her… you know those first moments are critical, and you were there."

"But it wasn't enough, Kathleen, we still didn't make it, after a while, it wasn't enough for us to stay together."

"That's what I need to understand, come on, let's walk back, I'll fix us something for lunch, and we can finish this conversation."

"I'm not hungry."

"Well, I am," she lied, because she really had no desire to eat, but wanted to get things back to an even keel and semblance of normalcy, "let's go," she said as she slipped her arm in his and they walked back to his car, and rode to his trailer.

"Go, take a walk, clear your head."

"Thank you…maybe I'll call Meredith."

"Leave her alone, let her work."

"You have that in common you know."

"What?"

"You're both bossy."

"Good, then you're used to it. Go."

Derek walked to the lake, she was right, he needed to clear his thoughts and pull himself together. He saw Kathleen walking toward him about twenty minutes later.

"I thought we could eat her, it's a beautiful day," she said and put down a blanket and set the lunch and drinks she'd prepared.

"Did you call Meredith?"

"No, I followed your advice."

"Let's eat lunch. Derek, my kids are going to love this land."

"I can't wait for all of you to come out. I mean that Kathleen, make it happen, don't wait."

"I was thinking, if you're ok with it, maybe we can come out in a month or two, get two of the suites at the Inn, and…well…maybe…"

"Spit it out."

"Bringmomwithme."

"Uhmmm…that's brave…but it might work…let me see…let me talk to Meredith."

"I won't say anything, you let me know."

"Yes…I will, it would be better, if they met, before …before we go there with the baby."

"You can let me know," she said and they ate in silence.

"Kat, I think I need to go back and tell you a little more, of what's happened, before, before Meredith's accident."

"That would be good."

He took a deep breath and began telling the story, from where they left off, after he'd chosen to walk away, and she listened without comments for a while. "The day our divorce was final, I found out she and Mark stayed together after I left, also that Meredith had broken up with Finn the same day of her surgery. Then recently, in the last few days in fact, I found out that after I'd accused her of being a whore, that she'd never slept with him, and had she been pregnant, it would have definitely been my child."

"Derek, don't you see the pattern here, the fact that your problems are all related to lack of communication. The two of you don't talk."

"Of course we talk."

"Yes, but you're avoiding the important things."

"We've been doing that…I know you're right, but over the last two weeks, after our last fight…break up…we've been talking…about our feelings, our problems."

"That's a start. Tell me, how did Meredith react, when she admitted this to you, that she broke up with the vet and you just walked away?"

"She didn't. She didn't push me or question me, she walked away."

"Oh, Derek, the two of you have been through so much, I'm so sorry."

"It's not the end of it, unfortunately," he said, and continued to tell the story, including the day Nancy showed up and ultimately telling her he needed to take some time.

"She's been very understanding Derek."

"You really are going to be on her side, aren't you?"

"Do you really believe that? That I'm totally biased?"

"I'm not sure."

"Derek, one of your major issues is trust. I'm giving you part of her perspective…to help you understand how you will both deal with your feelings…your reality, going forward, and it may seem like I'm biased…but what I really am, is praying I can help both of you understand each other."

"Sometimes…Kathleen…I feel I've forgotten how to do that…how to pray…"

"That…is not acceptable Derek, because…if you forget that, you take for granted there's a higher Being, and for that, I believe Mom would really rake you over the coals. That is not the way she raised us."

"I didn't forget…not when Meredith was lying in a hospital room dead," he said.

"And your prayers were answered. You should remember that. You know doctors have a way of thinking of themselves as gods Derek, and we're not."

"Tell that to Mark," he said, releasing some of the tension.

"My point exactly," she laughed.

He told Kathleen that after a camping trip they got back together, she gave him another chance and even shared with her their attempt at bright and shiny, and Meredith's having to deal with her Mother's advancing Alzheimer's, Richard walking away and the role he played in their lives, including Ellis telling Meredith she should have never had children.

"What a horrible woman."

"You see…that's what we all think, but Meredith, she protects her memory, fiercely in that regard. She admits it was a terrible childhood, but she maintains this sense of loyalty I don't understand."

"It was her mother."

"She was her worst nightmare. She never took care of her the way a child deserves, and yet she took care of her Mother."

"That only speaks of her character Derek, what she did is honorable and commendable."

"Unlike me."

"I did not say that."

"You don't have to. I have been neither of those in my behavior."

"Don't you go off the deep end, here, yes, you could have done some things differently, but you do know what it means to be honorable and decent, and those are traits you carry in your heart and soul…you just need to remember that…and allow your actions to match those of your heart."

"I failed her, Kathleen, she told me, admitted she had abandonment issues, and I failed her," he said and continued to tell her about meeting her father's new family, how he found out she'd never been in a serious relationship before, and after promising to always show up, he didn't. "Then one day, Kathleen, it was horrible, Ellis Grey had one lucid day, and in a few hours totally devastated and broke her spirit," he told her without leaving anything out.

"Oh good God, that woman is better off dead."

"She'd already done the damage, and then, I failed…completely… to see the signs of what was happening with Meredith, she was pulling away, and I failed her…" he said, with tears in his eyes, "and before I knew it I was pulling her out of Eliot Bay ."

He saw the tears rolling down Kathleen's cheeks, and reached out to hold her hand.

"She was…is…the love of my life Kathleen, and I keep failing her, and it has to stop,

I need to make her understand I'm not going to do that again."

"Listen to me, she does not feel that you are failing her, she loves you Derek, you look in her eyes, and she loves you."

"Then why, why did she tell me she would have been better off is she had joined her mother?"

"You already know the answer to that. Derek, we haven't talked about what happened that evening, but it sounds like she was hurt and maybe even afraid that you were going to walk away again…sometimes, we say things we don't mean, when we're angry and hurting…didn't you just tell me how you felt, when you found out she was dating the vet, and you lashed out at her, saying things you knew would hurt her….you told her it was over between you…you said that purposely to hurt her, when you actually had no rights, at all, Derek you were with your wife."

"Yes," he said, "I did want to hurt her."

"Why don't you tell me the rest, so I can have the entire picture."

"When she came back, somehow she knew her mother was dead."

"Derek, you need to talk about this, her experience, I'm sure there is so much more that she has not talked about. I've had cases like this, and it changes your life, you need to talk about it."

"She told me, one day, that her experience had been very different than mine, that she wanted to be better at everything, that it was not the time to give up on her."

"Did you ask her what she meant by that? Did she feel you had given up on her?"

"No and yes."

"Ok…little brother, this is it. You are going to promise me one thing and one thing only, and that is that you and Meredith are going to sit down…and however long it takes you are going to talk…just like you've told me today, this brief glimpse into your lives, I want the two of you to go back and do the same…and deal with each of these issues, one at a time. It doesn't matter how long it takes, it only matters that you do this. Ideally, I'd say, go to a therapist together, and you should, but for now…the two of you, together can start working on communication and talking about all these things in your lives."

"She…she may not be ready."

"She's more than ready. What she said to you, it's a start, she needs to talk about it as much as you do, and the fact she's sorry…that she hurt you…that she wanted me to know she was sorry, that's a good start, because she did not mean what she said."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Trust me. She may have wanted to say that to you in that moment, but deep down in her heart, all she wants is to be happy…with you."

"That's not the end of it Kathleen."

"There's more, after her drowning?"

"It feels like that was only the beginning," he said, and continued relating the events since her drowning, leaving nothing out including the newly found relationship with Susan, his fears about her mental well being, staying up nights just watching her breathe, his interest in the chief of surgery position and how Meredith's situation affected him, and his distancing from her, how he began to have doubts about the future of their relationship.

"Then, one night," he said, "she's making an effort, to be open and discuss things, but it only angered me, and instead of being supportive, I was wrapped up in my own pain and fears and told her I didn't want to breathe for her anymore, and it was the first time I had brought it up, her giving up in the water."

"Derek, how could you let her walk away after saying that? Why didn't you make her stay and talk about it?"

"Don't you think," he said getting up, "I have chastised myself enough over that, regretted it every day since it happened, until she decided she wasn't ready to be with me."

"Wait, that doesn't make sense, she went to find you, she went to be with you…but you bring up the drowning, and then just let her walk away, it is not all her fault, you are both equally at fault here, but Derek, I'm sorry, knowing all you do about her life, all he doubts and insecurities, it was up to you to reassure her."

"I've already told you I continue to fail her and not being good enough for her, what more do you want from me?"

"I want you to start facing each of these situations, and confront them together, and figure out what the hell each of you was thinking, or rather not thinking…and understand how to move on…because you clearly are meant for each other, and these issues of insecurities on both of your sides, cannot be dealt with by anyone other than the two of you together."

"Is that the shrink's expert advise."

"No, you moron. That is your sister's expert advise, because she loves you, and because the more I hear about what her life has been like, the more I believe you deserve to be happy together, sooner rather than later."

He started to walk back to the trailer, and she let him, picking up the remains of the lunch, and following a few minutes later.

Derek went inside and left his phone charging, then sat in one of the chairs on the deck and did not say a word when Kathleen walked in to the trailer. It was not too long before she came out and handed him a cup of coffee, and leaned down and kissed his cheek.

"I have not said any of those things to hurt you, or make you feel guilty, or take her side. I have listened to what you have said, and reacted to how you have chosen to tell me what has happened. I'm not judging you, I'm not. I'm simply trying to find a way to help you deal with this situation."

"I know."

"I can only imagine there's still more to this, so let's finish it what we've started."

He tells her of Susan's death, the funeral, Thatcher slapping her, Meredith retaking the intern's exam and their ultimate distancing. "She always found time for her friends, but with me, she pushed me away, and didn't let me in, I began to feel like I wasn't important, that she didn't need or want me, that anyone else could do just as easily."

"Did you talk to her about it?"

"I did, I told her how I felt, how she was the love of my life, but I needed to know if she thought we had a chance together, because if she didn't, she should put me out of my misery," he continued talking about Cristina and Burke's wedding, "and she did. She ended our relationship in front of everyone at the church, and left for seventeen days."

"Now, I'd like to get my hands on Meredith and shake her. What is wrong with that girl, you told her she was the love your life, why couldn't she see that? Talk to you ? Oh, I'm so glad I don't have the two of you as patients."

"Instead you get to treat us for free."

"Don't count on it, and just so you know…I've had my say with you, but I'm going to talk to her as well."

"I do not want you upsetting her."

"I'm not going to upset her, but she needs to understand the importance of the two of you communicating."

"Kathleen, she gets it, the last two weeks, she totally gets it, and if I'm honest with myself, I could have tired harder to get her to talk. She's been the one talking now."

"That's fine, but I'm still going to talk to her."

"Do not upset her."

"She's stronger than you give her credit for. Now, the wedding was what five six months ago? What's happened since to get you to the night you called me?"

"I guess I should tell you that the night before the wedding, I met a girl at Joe's, and I told Meredith about it," he said finishing the story.

"You did what?" She yelled at him, and got up and smacked his arm, and across the head just like she'd done to her kids on occasion, "Derek Christopher Shepherd, that is the most …I just…just.. cannot find the right words at this moment…how could you, Derek, how could you say that to her?"

"Stop hitting me."

"How the hell did you expect her to react to that love of my life speech, when you just told her flirting with another woman was the highlight of your week. Are you a totally stupid, brainless, moronic…ass?"

"You are just…"

"Shut up…I cannot believe you purposely misled me about that story. How could you Derek, how could you do that to her? Couldn't you find another way to tell her how you felt instead of trying to make her jealous?"

"I was not trying to make her jealous. I was trying to make a point."

"That worked real well, didn't it," she said, and smacked his arm again, "since she left without talking to you."

"Yeah, well…" he muttered, "it got worse."

"What did you just mumble?"

"It got worse."

"Worse, how?"

"The day she got back from vacation and started her residency, we found out the girl in the bar was her sister, and a new intern at Seattle Grace."

"Oh my God, forget a soap opera, this is Ripley's believe it or not!"

To both their amazement, they could not help but laugh.

"It isn't funny, Kathleen, not at all, but sometimes…most of the time, I have no idea what to do, but that moment, when Lexie said she was her sister, it was like the Twilight Zone."

"But, now they're getting along?"

"They've both come a long ways since that day, in fact, Meredith wants Lexie to be the baby's godmother, and that is huge for her, that it's not Cristina."

"Back up…you've just told me what happened in twelve months of your life, Derek, it's rather unbelievable, if didn't know you…I would not believe it."

"Think about how we feel?"

"She came back, Lexie is there, you have not seen each other…then what?"

"We talked, she wasn't ready for a more serious commitment, so we decided to just have sex, until it wasn't enough and I told her what I wanted."

"I'm catching on here, that must be the non –proposal."

"Kat, don't be a wise ass, it doesn't suit you."

"Of course it does…growing up with the four of you…and Mark."

"I decided I wanted more, and she wasn't ready."

"Tell me exactly what happened with that …"

He told her about the morning she'd asked her to go away to wine country, and how their evening ended.

"Meredith's right, that was a non-proposal, it doesn't count, and Derek, adding that 'but' in there, big mistake…you honestly don't see why she has issues trusting you?"

"What about me? Doesn't she see why I have doubts that she loved me? She had not said that to me in over a year Kathleen."

"Did it ever occur to you that the fact you were married for part of that time might have something to do with it?"

"We were together for months, Kathleen, after Addie and I split up and got divorced."

"I understand her."

"Of course you do."

"Save the sarcasm Derek, you're lucky she's willing to give you a chance, I'd have made you kiss the ground I walk on…and grovel…"

"Lucky for me, Meredith is not you."

"Finish the rest of this saga."

He told her about the period after the non-proposal, dating other women, and Meredith's ultimate admittance she did not want him to date anyone but him.

"Was Meredith dating other men as well?"

"No."

"So she knew you were dating other people, and she was fine with that. She's a bigger woman than I am."

"I suppose, looking back, she wasn't fine with it."

"Of course she wasn't fine with it, you idiot, if she had been, she'd had been dating other men as well, how would you have felt about that?"

"I didn't think about it, because she wasn't."

"It's quite obvious you have not been thinking for quite some time."

"She would not make a commitment."

"Derek, do you honestly think that? She was sleeping with you, from the sounds of it, and from what Mark told me, yes I know about S & M…and the entire hospital knew about it, yet she had to endure you going out with other women, and don't you think she had made a commitment…in her heart?"

"Maybe I needed some reassurances as well."

"She gave you that Derek, when she told you she did not want you dating anyone but her, and admitted she was scared. From what you've said, that was a huge step for her."

"It was…except…"

"Except what?"

"I had already kissed a nurse, earlier that day, I had kissed Rose."

"You kissed a nurse. Meredith tells you, in essence, she wants a commitment, and you had kissed a nurse. Why?"

"It just happened."

She got up, stood over him and smacked him across the head, "you are an ass," she said and walked away toward the lake.

He brought his hand to his head, and rubbed the spot where she'd hit him twice today, and got up to follow her.

"I'm an ass," he said reaching her side, "how do I go about changing that."

"I don't know, but if I were Meredith, I would not give you the time of day."

"I've apologized to her, Kat, during the last two weeks, we hit rock bottom, we did, but we've managed to get through it…we have…now I need to know how …what to do…to make sure we don't lose what we've accomplished…the relationship we have begun to nurture…very seriously, for the first time, and she's willing to give us another chance."

"What happened, after you kissed the nurse? Something did, because you've mentioned a fight, and the last two weeks are of importance."

He told her all the details form the night she came to him and the floor plans he presented to her the next day, and the rest of that horrible night when he went out with Rose, and finished telling her of the night he had reached out to call her and asked her to come to Seattle.

"I am completely exhausted emotionally. I cannot imagine what you and Meredith have felt, and what she has gone through, especially now being pregnant."

"I know I've behaved like an ass, and a coward and been dishonorable, I know those things. How do I make it up to her? How do I make sure she never feels the way she did the night I called you? How do I manage to change her image and yours of me? How do I become the man she can be proud of, our kids can be proud of, my sister can be proud of again?"

"There is one thing, I'm proud of …you turned down the chief's position, it was the right thing to do."

"One thing," he said, sadness and regret in his voice.

"I'm not proud of some of your past behavior. But, there's much more. I'm proud of you today, the man I've had a conversation with…the brother, the surgeon, the man who could forgive Mark, the man I have seen the last two days with the woman he loves, the way you treat her, the way I see the love reflected in your eyes."

"Kathleen, what do I do? How do I keep her safe?"

"She is going to keep herself safe. But as for you, what you do? You've already started to…you called me, you talked to me…I know that was not easy, but it's the first step, Derek…the rest, it's you and Meredith together…you have to do this together, and it starts with communication, talking to each other, not letting things go, not avoiding issues that will later become unmanageable. It's already started, she's made the first attempt with therapy, you need to the same, and most of all you need to be honest with each other and trust one another in every way. You've been given a second chance Derek, some people never even get once chance at love like yours. Embrace that gift, and fight for it, nurture it, like you've never done before in your life."

She saw the emotion reflected in his eyes, and reached over to him and embraced him.

"I'm very proud to have you as my brother."

"Thank you," he said, his voice raw with emotion, "thank you for being here."

"Thank you for calling me and trusting me. I love you Derek."

"I love you Kathleen."

"Let's go" she said and linked her arms through his, "it's time you head back to Seattle so you can meet up with Meredith."

"It is, it's just after four, and I want to see her before her therapist's appointment. Do you want to come with me now, or I can meet you at the ferry afterwards?"

"No, drop me off at the Inn, I want to shower and change and then I'll take the ferry over and do some shopping, I can't get home empty handed."

"We'll plan on dinner around seven thirty – eight o'clock."

"That works," she said as they almost neared his trailer.

The rays of sunlight had lost their brightness as sunset announced its approach in the next hour to come, while Derek and Kathleen made plans, unaware of the recently missed call from Meredith.

_5/25 AN There were a lot of issues that have always bothered me remained unspoken about on Grey's and my idea was to get it all in here in the conversation between Kathleen and Derek. However, I have tried very hard for Kathleen to keep her comments to those of a sister, rather than the psychiatrist she is, because, I have no knowledge of what would actually need to be said in terms of therapy, and to attempt do so would be irresponsible on my part. The goal was the bigger picture, to get him to understand that communication was going to be key in their relationship and that he too needed to address many issues._

_I'm sure I did not cover them all, but hope it dealt with most. Yes, I made Kathleen biased towards Meredith, as I felt she needed someone on her side, especially, one of his sisters._


	89. Chapter 89

**Ch 88 – Uncontrollable destiny**

Meredith had found the day to be endless, she was absolutely exhausted and wanted nothing more than to curl up in bed and go to sleep, it was just after three which meant she had almost three more hours left on her shift, and then had her first appointment with the therapist at six.

She thought about calling Derek, she just wanted to hear his voice, but decided against it, she knew he and Kathleen had a lot of catching up to do, and she only hoped she would not hate her like Nancy did.

She was on her way to surgery, when she passed Lexie on the hall.

"Mer, what time is dinner?"

"Probably seven thirty, maybe eight, I have my first appointment with the therapist at six, so that's about right," she said, suddenly feeling faint.

"I get off at four today, so just text me, where we're going," she said, but stopped as she noticed her sister become pale and walked quickly to her side. "Meredith, are you ok? You're very pale."

"Yes…I'm fine," she said, feeling anything but that, and was thankful there was a wheelchair next to her, where she placed her hand to hold on.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, run along, I'll text you."

"Ok, I do have to run and good luck with your appointment."

She had been feeling odd today and couldn't quite describe it, but just a sense that something was off, though she hadn't experienced any physical symptoms until now.

She was not going to take any chances, and walked to the lounge, retrieved her lab work results and walked over to the ob/gyn's office.

She introduced herself and asked if the doctor was in, as she would like to discuss a patient's test results, but was told he had scheduled c-sections the rest of the afternoon, but she could speak to the nurse practitioner, and she agreed.

"I'm Dr. Grey, and well, first…I just want to make sure our conversation is confidential."

"Of course it is."

"I've made an appointment for next week, but, I'm not feeling well, and I was hoping to see him, I realize he's not here, but I wanted to leave the lab work with you, and I'm hoping I can get an earlier appointment."

"Is your appointment a regular check up?"

"No, I'm pregnant."

"Oh, congratulations, Dr. Grey."

"Well, yes…thank you…but, I don't want anybody knowing… I mean we know…but, we don't want to say anything yet, till I've seen the doctor."

"Dr. Grey, it's all confidential, don't worry about that, and my boss is very reserved about his patients, especially amongst colleagues, I promise you."

"Thank you, you know how the gossip mill is fed around here."

"I'm aware, and as far as the receptionist is concerned, we are discussing one of your patients. You said you were not feeling well?"

"I'm not sure what it is, but it's just odd, and I thought if I could get in earlier, get a little piece of mind."

"What are you feeling?"

"That's just it, nothing I can pinpoint, other than I've been exhausted and just had a bit of faintness…but the rest I think I'm ok."

"Let's do this, let me take your blood pressure," she said, "have a seat here. This is fine, it's normal. The faintness and being tired that's not unusual. Have you had anything else, spotting, cramping?"

"Is that bad? It is right?"

"It doesn't have to be. Have you had those symptoms?"

"A few days ago, I had some cramping, but not recently, and I thought I was getting my period since I had a bit of spotting, but it stopped, and I took a pregnancy test and we had some lab work done, and it's positive, I'm pregnant. I brought them with me, so I could leave them for him to look at."

The nurse took the envelope and opened it, "do you have any idea how far along you are?"

"Seven weeks."

"You're pretty certain," she said glancing at the results, without revealing any concern.

"We are."

"Dr. Grey, these say Maloney…"

"Oh, yes, I didn't want to…well…when we did the labs…yesterday…we didn't use Grey…we used Maloney."

"I'll make a note, but he may need for you to run some test with your name on it, for our records. You haven't had any cramping or spotting today? Just the faintness?"

"Yes."

"Let me take a look at his schedule, and see what we can do."

"Thank you, I really appreciate this."

"Not a problem, Dr. Grey, I understand, when I had my first baby, I was very protective as well."

"How many kids do you have?"

"Two. Ok, he has a pretty full schedule tomorrow, but if you can come in around ten, I will make sure you can see him."

"Yes, of course, I'll be here."

"If he were here, and you were not feeling that well, he would tell you to go home and get some rest."

"Do…do you think…there's something wrong, that I have to be concerned, today, that I should go home?"

"No, just that you should take it easy, I know being a resident is not very conducive to that, but when you can, try to get some rest, I'm sure you're feeling very tired and want nothing more than sleep when this time rolls around each day."

"Yes, that's exactly how I'm feeling today."

"Then, consider giving in to that, if you can."

"I'm going in to surgery soon."

"Just listen to your body."

"Thank you, for seeing me, without any notice."

"You're welcome, I'm glad I could help. We'll see you tomorrow at ten."

She had to scrub in for surgery at three thirty, again with Mark. He must have manipulated the schedule to keep an eye on her, she thought, and smiled at his protectiveness while Derek was away from the hospital.

Walking in to the scrub room, he was already there, "Grey, how are you today?"

"I'm fine Dr. Sloan, how did I get to be so lucky to scrub in with you two days in a row?"

"I might have had something to do with that," he said and winked at her, "to keep an eye on my godchild."

"Mark, you're going to have to stop that, someone is going to overhear you."

"It's not like you're going to be able to keep it a secret."

"We're not planning on it, just till I go to the doctor, ok?"

"Yes, and Derek was right, Mama Bear."

"He told you that," she asked smiling.

"He thinks it's cute. I think it's corny as hell."

"He's teasing me about the bears on the island," she said, as she got ready to scrub in, and it suddenly hit her again, the sensation of faintness.

"Bears on the island…Grey, come on…"

"Mark," she said quietly, but he did not hear her, "Mark…" she said again gripping the edge of the metal sink, "I'm going to…"

He heard her the second time, and reached for her immediately, as she began to collapse in his arms.

"Grey," he said in a panic, "Meredith, stay with me, you can do it," he said as he realized she had merely allowed herself to fall into his arms, but had not fainted. "Meredith, tell me what's wrong, what are you feeling?"

"I…I was just very dizzy and faint suddenly…I…"

"Don't talk. Can you stand, can you walk…I'll hold you."

"I'm ok now."

"You are, are you?"

"I'll be ok…but, Mark, I don't think I should scrub in…"

"Damn right, you're not, let's go get you checked out."

"It's normal, I just went to the doctor's office."

"What do you mean, this happened before?"

"Earlier…so I went…" she stopped, feeling the sensation of faintness again.

"Let's go, we're going to check you out."

"Your surgery."

"Can wait," he said and walked her out and led her to an examining room.

"Mark, you need to get back…I'll be fine."

"Tell me what happened," he said, as he sat her down and took her blood pressure.

"Are you giving up plastics," she joked.

"Don't be a smart ass. Your blood pressure is good, now tell me what happened, before I call Shep to fill him in."

"You're not calling him, he'll only worry."

"As he should, what's going on?"

She told him what had happened earlier and the change to her appointment for the next day, "I'm not taking any chances Mark, the doctor wasn't there, but I spoke to the nurse, and she said to just listen to my body, and I'm doing that, I'm not scrubbing in."

"You're going home."

"I don't think…I have another couple of hours, and I have an appointment…"

"It can wait."

"No, it can't, I don't think…it's my first…I'm…I can't cancel it."

"What's so important that can't wait?"

"I'm going to therapy. It's my first appointment."

He reached for her hand, "that is very brave of you, believe me I know therapists, I had lots of 400 an hour sessions…but, right now, what's most important is you getting some rest, can we compromise…you reschedule your appointment and go home?"

"I don't think I can do that so late…"

"What if you got stuck in surgery and couldn't make it?"

"This…this is more important…"

"Yes, it is, so let me go change, I'm going to postpone my surgery for an hour and drive you home."

"Mark, you can't do that, I will drive home."

"Meredith, you're feeling dizzy and faint, you sure as hell are not driving home."

"You're right. Don't worry, I'll go home, and I won't drive."

"How?"

"I'll get a ride…or a cab…really, you go on to surgery."

"No, I'm going to wait."

"Mark…"

"Meredith…"

"You're as annoying as Derek."

"That's my job, when he's not around. Except, I can't sleep with you."

"You ass," she smacked him. "It's almost four, Lexie's shift is over, I'll ask her."

"Go ahead," he said, and waited for her to page her sister. She also called Dr. Wyatt's office explaining an emergency had come up and she wanted to reschedule for the first available appointment, which they confirmed for the following week.

"I have to call Derek."

"Yes, you do."

"Mark, you're very thoughtful. Thank you."

"We're talking about my godchild and my future sister in law, not taking any chances."

Lexie knocked on the examining room's door and Mark opened it.

"Dr. Sloan," and then she was her sister, "what's wrong, Meredith?"

"Your sister had a bit of a fainting spell…and she's going home."

"Mer…that's what happened earlier, isn't it… why didn't you tell me, why did you tell me you were fine, when you're not, Meredith you promised you would look into it, and you didn't, and now, you're not ok…does Derek know, I mean he has to know, and you're going home...and…"

"This is my cue to leave. Xena, will you drive your sister home?"

"Yes…yes, of course…Dr. Sloan, thank you…for looking after her."

"She's going to be my sister in law Lexie, that means we're going to be related somehow, so, take care of her, make sure she gets home and gets some rest."

Before he walked out, he leaned in to Meredith and whispered, "get some rest Mama Bear," and she laughed, "yes, I will," she said and kissed his cheek.

"Grey," he said as he was walking out, "I'll take care of reporting you're going home, just go."

"Meredith, what happened?"

"You need to change as I do. Meet me in the lounge, and I'll fill you in."

"Meredith…"

"Lexie, I promise. Let me do this my way."

"Ok, but, you're …nothing's wrong?"

"I hope not."

Meredith got to the lounge and changed, and placed a call to Derek, but it surprised her it went to voice mail.

They drove the short distance home and Meredith engaged her in chit-chat, but Lexie would not let her get away with just that, so Meredith told her of the fainting incident as related to Mark taking her blood pressure, and that she'd agreed to go home because it did not seem responsible to scrub in on surgery when this had happened twice.

Lexie still had more questions, but Meredith changed the subject by asking about the apartment, and telling her she'd like to go with her to see it, and was taken aback by Lexie's response, "Mer it's awful, really really awful, so you have to wait, till we can fix it up."

"Why are you moving there, if it's so awful? Lexie that doesn't make sense."

"It's all we can afford, and I'll fix it up. I will."

They got to Meredith's and she was getting ready to go upstairs, "Meredith, can I get you anything? Did you eat today, maybe that's what it was, why you were feeing faint?"

"Maybe…I could eat something, you know, I'm going to take a shower and lay down, why don't you give me about fifteen minutes and come upstairs…bring some ice cream."

"What kind?"

"Surprise me…maybe a combination of whatever's in the freezer."

"A…a…combination?"

"That can work."

"Ok."

Meredith was surprised Derek had not called her back, but did not want to call him again and interrupt his conversation with Kathleen, as she knew he intended to bare all. Her original appointment was not till six, so she still had a little time before needing to reach him to keep him from driving to the hospital, which she knew he would, even though she had left him the message that she'd see him at home.

Derek went inside the trailer to grab his phone, and was surprised to have a missed called and message from Meredith. At first he panicked, and started to listen as he locked the trailer behind him.

"What's wrong?"

"Meredith called, that's unusual," he said as listened to her message.

- Derek, something's come up, and I had to reschedule my appointment. Call me when you hear this, otherwise I'll see you at home -

"Uhmm…"

"Is everything ok?"

"Yes, she was just letting me know her appointment was rescheduled."

"That's odd, isn't it."

"Are you trying to worry me here?"

"No, just…it's odd for a therapist to reschedule."

"You're not helping Kathleen, she said she had this feeling."

"Just call her."

He did, but her phone went to voice mail, "Meredith, I heard your message, call me back, I'll stop by the hospital, should be there before your shift ends."

He dropped Kathleen off at the Inn, "I'll meet up with you later, enjoy shopping."

"Call me, and let me know what's going on."

"Mother hen…"

"And proud of it…go, I'll see you later."

She saw the missed call as soon as she was out of the shower, and called him.

"Hey, we keep missing each other's call."

"I was talking with Kathleen and was charging the phone when your call came in. What happened, why was your appointment rescheduled?"

"Are you still at home?"

"No, getting ready to board the ferry, and then I'll drive to the hospital."

"Derek," she paused trying to quickly figure out how to tell him she was home and keep him calm.

Her pause alerted him, "Meredith, what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong."

"There is, just tell me, you've had this feeling…and I shouldn't have been close to you today."

"Derek, I'm pregnant, I get tired, and dizzy and a little faint…it's normal."

"You've been faint and dizzy today, whey didn't you call me?"

"Derek, I'm going to be pregnant for a bit…and being dizzy and faint is apparently normal, and I can't be calling you every time I feel that way, but I did, I called you."

"Then that means something else is wrong…if you were calling me."

"Listen to me, I'm ok. I called you because, I felt faint earlier, and it happened as I was scrubbing in for surgery, and thank God Mark was there, and I told him I didn't think it would be good for me to do the surgery, and he sent me home."

"You're home? Meredith, are you telling me everything, you felt so bad that you went home?"

"I'm home because I'm not taking any chances…I didn't feel well, and just like Kathleen said, I listened to my body, and I came home, and plan on getting some rest before dinner tonight."

"How did you get home, you didn't drive home, did you? I could have come to get you, you could have waited for me."

"Mark was going to drive me home…"

"Mark, but…Meredith, that sounds like it was worse than you're telling me."

"He was just being you…he said, while you were away it was his role…he's been sweet Derek, very sweet."

"Mark, sweet…" he laughed, "that's a first."

"He wouldn't let me drive home. Lexie did, she's here with me now."

"You're sure, you're ok?"

"I'm sure, so just drive over here, ok?"

"We're about to drive on the ferry now, I'm probably going to lose reception till I get out of the car, I'll call you back."

"It's ok, I'm going to talk to Lexie now, she's all worried. I'll see you in a while."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Yes, since she's going to be with Kathleen tonight."

"We can cancel dinner."

"No, we can't, but I would like to stay in tonight."

"Of course. I love you Meredith."

"I love you too."

She heard a light knock on her door, "come in Lexie."

Meredith was sitting up in bed, her head and back resting against the headboard.

"Good you brought ice cream, but I didn't think you were bringing the entire selection."

"Don't criticize, you said to bring a combination, but it did not seem very appetizing, so I brought three choices," she said and sat next to Meredith.

"That was smart," she said looking at the three bowls on the tray.

"Meredith, are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"I hope nothing is wrong, and yes, I'm going to tell you."

"Did you go to the doctor?"

"Not yet, but we do know what's going on."

"Are you drawing this out purposely?"

"Do you remember," she smiled, "when you came to talk to me, and told me five things about you…five things, you said you hoped would make it harder for me to hate you…"

"I…I remember…"

"I've been thinking…it's time you learn some things…about me…"

"Do you…do you …still need to know more things…about me…not to hate me," Lexie said in a quiet voice filled with sadness.

"I still need to know more things about you…but not because I hate you…I never really did…"

"You didn't…but…you said…"

"I never said I hated you…I said you were not someone I wanted to have to know, there's a difference…and I think…I hope you know I don't feel that way anymore…I haven't felt that way for a long while…"

"I think I know…just sometimes…there's doubts…I don't have too many people to turn to...not many friends here…"

"You have me."

"I do…"

"You do…just like I have you, don't I?"

"Yes," she said, and both sisters had the same look of melancholy and emotion reflected in their eyes.

"Getting back to those five things," Meredith said while dipping a spoon in the strawberry ice cream and then mixing it with coffee.

"Meredith that's a disgusting combination.

"Don't knock it, unless you've tried it," she said and dipped into the chocolate bowl.

"Can I guess…one of them…" she asked, suddenly realizing where the conversation might be headed.

"No…" she smiled, "I listened to your five things without interrupting."

"That's fair."

"Do you know, that I admitted to you that I loved Derek to you, before I told him"

"When…when I drove you home…that night…"

"Yes…and I'm so glad that you are my sister…that I have you in my life."

"You are…" Lexie said while tears pooled in her eyes.

"No interruptions, I want to finish our conversation before Derek gets here."

"Three...I'm terrible at that thing…whatever you called it…etch a sketch…"

"Meredith, that's very silly…"

"Not really, it's going to come in handy…"

"Why?"

"You don't follow instructions very well Lexie, no interruptions," she said as her sister smiled at her.

"Lex," she smiled, but tears were brimming in her eyes, "you're going to be an aunt again…"

"You're…you're really…today…what was wrong, you coming home…you're going to have a baby…" she said in wonderment.

"Yes…and I'm really really happy about it," she finished, as tears rolled down her cheeks

Lexie looked at her for a few seconds, debating, but then followed the feelings of her heart and reached over and embraced her sister, and both accepted the other and cried happy tears for the first time in their lives, together as sisters.


	90. Chapter 90

Ch 89

**Ch 89 - Strengthening bonds **

"You're having a baby…and you…you told me…and you said…I'm going to be an aunt again…and you're…glad I'm your sister…" Lexie rambled, to Meredith's amusement.

"You know, Lexie…I actually lied…"

"You lied…you lied…why…about what…the baby…no, you wouldn't do that…oh…you're not glad…"

"I lied about you being an aunt again…well, I didn't lie, really…it's just you're going to be more than an aunt…"

"Meredith, you're rambling," she stated with a serious expression.

Meredith laughed, "you're telling ME I ramble…"

"What did you lie about…"

"I told you I didn't lie…just you're not just going to be an aunt to my baby…I want you to be the godmother…"

"Why?"

"Why…you don't want to be," Meredith asked her and Lexie saw the hurt look in her eyes.

"Oh...no…I do…I do Mer...I'm honored, but…I'm just…we just met…and you have so many other friends, and Cristina she's your person…and I know, that's really special to you…and I'm just…"

"You are just you say…my sister."

"Yeah, not that special."

"Not that special…" she said and her eyes filled with tears, "you …you…on the night my life was falling apart, you were there, and I don't know what I would have done without you…in spite of how I had treated you, how I had distanced myself, not wanting anything to do with you, when I needed someone that was going to offer comfort I did not even know I needed, instead of criticism, as Cristina would have done, I found my sister…one I never knew existed…who was willing to offer affection, when I had given her none…and in the last two weeks…I've been open and honest with you…and trying to learn how to be a sister…family…and now…I tell you I want you to be my baby's godmother…and you don't think that is special…"

"I didn't mean that…of course it's special…I just…I meant…I was not special enough, for you to pick me…"

"But I did," she said reaching out to Lexie and held her hand, "isn't that enough, Lexie, that I think you are very special?"

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you cry…I'm honored…I am…"

"I cry about everything now, but it hurt" she admitted, "this is kind of new to me, Lex, being open instead of bottling up my feelings, it hurt my feelings, when I thought what you were saying was that it wasn't special enough for you."

"Meredith…"

"Yes…"

"Being your baby's godmother…it's the most special thing in the world…"

"It is?"

"Ever since I found out about you…I was so excited to meet you…to know you…"

"But I didn't meet your expectations, did I?"

"You have now…totally…"

"I'm learning…but, like just now, our mutual misunderstanding, I may not always get it right…and with these hormones…they're a bitch…so you may have some deciphering to do…"

"I can imagine…poor Derek…must be going through hell…"

"That is not nice, Lexie…you should be sympathizing with me," she said teary eyed, "it's not like he's Mr. Perfect in all this…you know."

"Mer, I didn't mean anything by that…only I know, from Molly her hormones were everywhere, even long distance when we would talk I could tell and she would tell me Eric was going crazy."

"Don't mind me, it is poor Derek…and he's been great, since we found out, well since before we found out, which you already know, cause he asked and you asked and I thought you were both nuts, but you were right, and well…just so you know, apparently if I talk about not being nice, the hormones are kicking in, and you can expect that I'm going to cry…"

"Did you breathe?"

"Do you, when you ramble," she said and both sisters laughed.

"Meredith, tell me everything."

"Everything?"

"When you're due, how you found out…oh my God, Mer, what does Derek think? Is he happy? He must be, I know, he'd be thrilled…and …oh wait…you weren't feeling well, today…and now, are you ok? Meredith, why did you come home?"

"I told you," she explained, but this time including the visit to the doctor's office.

"I'm glad you did that, and that you can see him tomorrow."

Meredith reached over to the bowls of ice cream, and to Lexie's dismay, she mixed three of the melting flavors together in a bowl and began to eat.

"What?"

"Do you want me to get you some that is not melted?"

"No, this is good, you should try some."

"I'll pass."

"I'm thinking," Meredith said smiling, "that we have a lot more in common then we knew…"

"Like what?"

"Well, you know the hands things, you brought that up, we do that, and the ramble of course…strawberry ice cream…and those moments when we allow ourselves to doubt that other people care about us…we're going to have to work on that Lexie, maybe we can work on that together," she said, and they found themselves looking at each other with tears reflected in their eyes.

"Yeah…you're right."

"And the tears," Meredith, said, "don't forget the tears…we're both water fountains, it seems," and they both smiled.

"Meredith, you haven't answered my other questions, and when do you plan to tell people, I mean, you won't be able to hide it."

"I'm waiting to go to the doctor, and then we'll see about telling people, right now, it's just Mark and Kathleen that know, and I really wanted to tell you, and I told Derek that…" she continued relating the conversation about the visit east and the baptism, and wanting her to be godmother.

"When did you tell Derek? I mean he knew, but you were so convinced, you weren't pregnant."

She reached over to the nightstand drawer, pulling out the onesie she had used to tell him the news, and told her how he'd found it.

"That is so romantic, that you thought of that…it's too bad, about what happened, at Joe's, but you're ok?"

"Yes, we've straightened everything out."

Meredith was holding the small piece of clothing, folding it, when Lexie noticed her necklace, "Meredith what is that?"

"What?"

"Your necklace?"

"Derek gave me this, last night to celebrate…"

"It's beautiful…"

"It is…he was so romantic Lexie, he said when he saw it, he knew it was the perfect gift,

our hearts entwined, and until we could tell people, we'd know…the little one…was our baby."

"That's beautiful…and so romantic…Mer, I'm surprised Derek has kept the secret, I know he must be just dying to say something…"

"He is…but he agreed we'd wait till after my doctor's appointment, and he's been preoccupied with his sister here. You're really going to like her, I think…you will."

"Well, after tomorrow…you should be ok to start telling people."

They continued to talk, Meredith answering her questions, and then she said.

"Lexie, can I ask you questions, as we get to know each other, do you mind?"

"No, of course you can ask."

"Do you pray?"

"Yes, why?"

"I'm thinking…I may need you to pray for me…and my baby…" she said, with a broken sob.

"Meredith, why are you saying that?"

"I just," she said biting her lower lip, with tears in her eyes, "I think there may be something wrong," she finished, while her sister, this time without any hesitation, reached over to embrace her as she'd done earlier, but now there were tears of fear and sadness shared.

Neither heard Derek walk up the stairs, and hence when he saw them he was filled with concern.

"Meredith," he said as he reached her side, "what's wrong, you told me you were fine, what's happened?"

She and Lexie wiped their tears, "nothing, girl talk, and sentimental, and we both realize we have a lot of things in common, including getting teary eyed and emotional."

"Uhmmm," he said leaning down and placing a soft kiss on her lips.

Lexie had risen, and gone around to where he stood, "congratulations daddy," and looking over at Meredith for approval, hugged him.

"Xena…the godmother…"

"Derek, I'm so honored…truly…thank you…"

"It was your sister's idea…and I couldn't be happier."

"Neither could I… except I think I may need to run for corner, once Cristina finds out."

"She'll be fine. She's not all that sentimental, as I knew you would be."

"I hope you're right, Mer, because she's my resident, and she can be a hard ass bitch."

Meredith and Derek laughed, "that would be Cristina," he said.

"Do you need me to do anything, I mean…you're probably staying in tonight, right?"

"Yes, Xena, she is," Derek said, and hugged her, "thank you for being here."

"She has a lot of people that care about her…"

"Yes, she does."

"I'm going to run to the grocery store in about fifteen minutes, so let me know if you need me to get anything," she said, and closed the door behind her.

He sat on the bed facing her, "you've been crying."

"I told you…sentimental…emotional…hormones…"

"Sad tears, Meredith, when I came in, those were sad tears."

"Maybe…"she admitted, and he could see the tears start to fall, "will you hold me, please."

"Hey...what's this…why the tears," he said as he leaned in to her and kissed them away, and then laid down beside her and held her, and allowed her to cry softly.

"Derek…I'm scared."

"Why are you scared," he said, as he kissed her temple, "what aren't you telling me?"

"I'm afraid, if I tell you, it may be true…"

"What will be true," he asked gently.

"My feeling…the bad feeling from today."

"Why don't you tell me about your day…and we will figure things out together."

"I wasn't feeling too well, I can't describe it, just odd, and then I was feeling faint, and it had happened before, but today, I just felt different, so I went to get my lab results and stopped by the doctor's office," she continued telling him all that had happened that afternoon and her decision not to go into surgery, and Mark's insistence she go home.

"Mark's really taking this seriously," he attempted to tease her.

"He is, he said it's his job, when you're not around, except he can't sleep with me," she teased back.

"He knows better."

"Derek, I would never…"

He turned, and looked at her, "I trust you…completely," he said and kissed her.

"Derek, I think Mark needs to find someone that loves him."

"We are not getting involved."

"You don't have to…"

"Neither will you…"

"You can't tell me what to do…if I want to…"

"I love bossy Meredith, but I think you're in for disappointment if you think Mark wants the same kind of love…and settling down that we do."

"I think you're wrong, I think he's lonely."

"You know what…I'm staying out of it."

"I'm not saying I'm going to interfere…just that he needs someone."

"He has someone, he's been dating Tracy, a lot."

"Uhmmm…I know."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…be nice."

"That nice didn't work, Meredith."

"You can tell the difference?"

"Yes…you cheat."

"That is not nice Derek, to call your child's mother a cheat."

"If the shoe fits…"

"You and Lexie should compare quotations…"

"Why, she uses them a lot…"

"Sometimes."

"She seemed happy, to be the godmother…"

"She was…" she said softly.

"But…"

"We just had a little misunderstanding…a good one…because, it helped us understand each other better."

"Uhmmm"

"Derek, my doctor's appointment is for tomorrow at ten, I know, Kathleen is here, and it's last minute, but…"

"Do you honestly think I would be anywhere else?"

"No, but, I mean…it was for next week…"

"Meredith, I'm going to be there…you don't even have to ask, and the rest of your appointments, I'm going to be there too."

"Derek, you're busy and things come up…and I would understand, I mean surgeries come up… and are delayed…"

"Listen to me, nothing is more important than you are…and you being healthy…and I'm going to plan around you, your appointments, I'm not missing out on anything about our baby, I'm going to be with you, every step of the way…together…"

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too, now how about you take a nap, and really get some rest."

"Are you leaving?"

"Not till it's time to get Kathleen, I talked to her after we spoke. She wanted to make sure you were ok, and I told her I'd come get her around seven, so we can both take a nap for the next ninety minutes."

"Ok" she said and snuggled against him, as he held her and worried about what had remained unsaid.

"Close your eyes Meredith."

"How do you know they are open."

"I know you…"

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm, is this another one of those cooking lessons type conversations?"

"That is really not nice, Derek, you are making fun of me, and it was important, and you can forget it what I was going to say, you are just not nice…" she said and started to pull away, making him realize this time, he was dealing with hormones.

"I just want you to get some rest."

"That's whst you always say when you don't want to listen to me, and things that are important to me."

"Meredith, stop pouting, and talk to me."

"Just forget it," she said, pouting.

He pulled himself away to look at her, and kissed her, "stop being a brat," he teased.

"Derek…"

"Kiss me back, and be quiet," he said, and she did, and shortly after fell asleep in his arms, and did not wake up when he carefully slipped out of bed and went to get Kathleen.

Meredith heard the faint sound of voices coming from downstairs and stirred, and glancing at the clock realized it was almost seven thirty. She changed and went to join everyone.

"You look well rested," Derek said walking up to her, and kissing her softly.

"You shouldn't have let me sleep so long, I could have helped here with dinner."

"You needed to rest, and everything is taken care of."

"Kathleen, sorry it couldn't be a nicer evening for you."

"Meredith, this is fine, and you needed your rest."

"Derek, how could you," she said suddenly.

"What?"

"Your sister…she comes to my home…and you get pizza, it's like an insult…Derek…how could you…?"

"Meredith, it's fine, really, it was my idea, I love pizza."

"Oh…I'm sorry…"

Right away, Kathleen noticed she was a little distant, and did not quite understand why, but was determined not to let it continue.

"It's a beautiful home, and I loved the porch swing, why don't we sit outside while Derek gets everything set, he also got some lasagna that needs to be heated."

Meredith wasn't given much of an option, and walked outside with her and they sat on the porch.

"Did you meet Lexie, I thought I heard her voice."

"Yes, we actually walked in together. She'd gone for a run and said she was going to take a quick shower."

"Ok."

"Meredith, do you want to tell me what's wrong?"

"Nothing…nothing's wrong."

"Well, we disagree…I definitely feel a very different welcome than when I saw you this morning."

"Nothing's different, really, I'm sorry you feel that way, you're in my home, and I would never want you to feel unwelcome."

"Well, you know what, I do feel that way, because something has changed from this morning, and I want you to tell me what it is, because it is not nothing, and it's not my imagination."

Meredith was quiet, and Kathleen watched her struggle with her emotions, noting how she bit on her lower lip, and she could see the tears gather in her eyes.

"Meredith," she said, reaching out and holding her hand, "please, tell me, what's changed?"

"You talked to Derek…all day today…"

"Yes, I did."

"Now you know."

"What do I know?"

"That I hurt him…when he called you, I hurt him so much," she said, unable to keep the tears from sliding down her face, "and that Nancy was right, that I was that slutty intern she talked about."

"Oh, honey, that's not what I learned today," she said, and pulled her in to her arms, embracing her as she would one of her own kids, "that's not what I learned today at all."

"You…you don't hate me?"

"No, I don't hate you…in fact, I think Derek hated me a couple of times today, and accused me of totally being biased and on your side."

"He did?"

"Yes, he did, because I was very unhappy with him, for many of the things he's done."

"But, he's your brother."

"Yes, and you…you are the woman that loves him, and what I found was that he had been very unfair and treated you in a way that was not worthy of him."

"Oh…please, tell me you did not say that to him, he's very big on being honorable."

"But, he wasn't."

"Kathleen, I did very bad things…well, not bad things, but, after Derek…after he went back to Addison, I drank a lot…and brought home inappropriate men…"

"I know…but you want to know what I heard today? I heard about how you met, and how he didn't tell you about Addie, and how he went back to her, when he shouldn't have, and many many other things, but, Meredith, I heard about a lovely, compassionate and beautiful young woman, who was hurt and in love, and alone because my brother could not do the right thing to begin with…and all I wanted to do, was have the opportunity to do just this, to hold you and tell you that no matter what happens, I want to be your friend."

"You…don't hate me…for hurting him…what I said to him…"

"I'd have to hate him too…for hurting you," she said, and heard the broken sob, and embraced Meredith and let her cry, tears of disbelief and healing and acceptance.


	91. Chapter 91

**Ch – 90 Mama Bear **

Derek saw the scene unfolding and immediately went outside, but his sister stopped him with one look, her eyes motioning to be left alone.

"Kathleen," she said after a few minutes, "you said…you said…no matter what happens," and paused as tears continued to gather in her eyes, "does that…does that mean…he may not want …he's only with me…now…because of the baby…that he doesn't want us to stay together…"

Literally speechless at first, she wasn't quick to respond, before Meredith continued.

"It's ok…I understand…he got sick of the dark and twisty …and the other night…probably…he got to tell you…and he doesn't want to deal with all my issues anymore…"

"Meredith, stop…right now…good God, you and Derek are exhausting…"

"What?" Meredith uttered in surprise.

"You two are exhausting… you have wiped me out today…"

"I'm sorry…" Meredith said with a hint of defensiveness, "I didn't mean to impose on you…"

"That comment, right now, it has to stop. Listen to me, I know you've been through a very difficult period, far worse than most people ever experience, but there's one thing you're going to need to get used to…and that's me, saying what I think...because, Meredith, you and I are going to be dealing with each other for many years to come…"

"But you said…"

"I know what I said…and you can't take everything literally and analyze it to death…"

"Fine," she said, just a bit petulant, "but how am I supposed to interpret no matter what happens, you want to be my friend…I mean, that would imply you think something might happen, that we're not together…like…well, if we're friends because Derek and I are not together…and…"

"My teenagers and all their friends would be such a welcome relief from you and Derek right now…"

"That is not nice…Kathleen…."

"Neither is you trying to play up the hormones bit…it won't work with me, I've been through this far too many times…more than 14 pregnancies…"

"I thought…there's only 14 grandchildren…."

"It's just a number…"

"Kathleen, I'm sorry…I'm not used to this much talking…or family…"

"That is the only reason I'm not mad at you…"

"You're not…"

"No, just frustrated."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh, and let's see, what does, oh mean, or frustrated for that matter?"

"You're laughing at me."

"Yes, I probably am."

"Hormones or not. That is not nice!"

"You could be right."

"Kathleen, I'm glad you're here…and that you'd like….that you think…you want to be my friend. I've never allowed myself to trust too many people…Derek and I have issues about that…but he doesn't understand, I've always known I could only depend on myself."

"Why is that?"

"It that the shrink talking?"

"Probably a bit of shrink…and sister…and friend…and future sister in law…"

"I can live with that," Meredith smiled.

"So, what's the answer?"

"There's a lot of issues…Kathleen, that I've never dealt with…things…my childhood, I have never shared with anyone…and…they shape your life…whether you want them to or not…"

"I know that Meredith, but, you can't allow your future to become a hostage of your past…one you had no control of…"

"I'm going to go therapy…not today, I had to cancel…but I will."

"You didn't cancel, it was rescheduled, just like we need to reschedule our lives sometimes…adapt to change…or be left behind."

"Derek and I…we've …I think…we've made progress, right now the past two weeks, we've adapting …trying to move forward with our lives…we don't want to go back to the way it was…"

"I am certain, without any doubt, that the two of you are going to be fine…you are going to work things out, but Meredith, you two need to talk…"

"We have been…more than ever before…"

"He told me."

"You know everything…"

"I think so…"

"And you still…you still want him…want us to be together?"

"Why wouldn't I want that?"

"What I said to him…about wanting…about….about joining my mother…"

"You see…I don't believe you meant that…"

"I didn't …but I wanted to hurt him, like he had hurt me…"

"Like you thought, he had hurt you…"

"Yes, I made the wrong assumption…"

"What does that tell you?"

"Right now?

"Yes."

"That Derek is pacing up and down and is impatient as hell and wants to come out here."

"That's his problem…"

"I can see him Kathleen."

"I already told him to stay way."

"You did, when?"

"When he came out here earlier."

"I didn't see him."

"I'm that good…I have kids remember…tons and nieces and nephews to always keep me a step ahead."

"He's probably imagining all sorts of things"

Yes, I'm sure he is, since you two seem to have that unfortunate trait down to a science."

"I feel guilty…we should go in."

"No, that would be avoiding the rest of this conversation, and he can keep himself occupied with that blackberry, treo or sidekick or whatever gadget it is he has, playing whatever game he plays on that thing all day along."

Meredith's laughter could be heard I inside the house, lifting his hopes, but knowing he would not necessarily be privy to the entire conversation taking place.

"I'm not trying to avoid anything…you have no idea…Kathleen, I'm talking to you…like I very rarely …to be honest…never talk with people…and with you…we've just met, and I feel…I can talk to you…that it's ok…that it's ok to trust you…to trust my heart…and be open with you…I feel…like I belong…like you really mean you want to be my friend…"

"That is the nicest thing you could have said to me," she said, and held her hand, "you do belong…and I do want to be your friend…"

"No one…except Cristina, and I've only really known her since I came to Seattle, has ever been there for me…and Derek, but that's different, what's between us, is different…"

"You know Meredith, when he called me, it was a terrible moment, but I truly believe God works in mysterious ways…we don't always understand His ways…but, I believe He meant for me to be here…and for us to have this time together."

Meredith squeezed her hand, and both women were teary eyed, "I'm beginning to believe He does, Kathleen…"

"Meredith, Derek and I talked about many things today, and I'm glad we're talking now, because, I'm going to tell you what I said to him. You two need to talk, a lot…sit down and start talking…from the beggining, and work it out one issue at a time…you're going to therapy, and that will help, but the key will be you and him talking…trusting each other…you already love each other, so the rest will take care of itself."

"Do you really believe that?"

"That it can work?"

"That we can make it?"

"When he called me, if you had asked me, I would have said, Nancy was probably right."

"Oh…"

Derek could not wait any longer and went outside, "are you two coming in?"

"Derek Christopher, didn't I tell you to leave us to talk…"

"No, you just opened your eyes and shooed me away…"

"Same thing."

"Meredith," he said, kissing her softly, "are you ok?"

"We're ok."

"You've been talking for a long time Kathleen."

"Yes."

"Meredith's not great at talking for a long time."

"Maybe, it's because she hasn't had good conversationalists?"

Meredith giggled, "it's ok Derek, we're just about done."

"Are you dismissing me too..." he pouted.

"Yes," both women answered.

"Fine."

"Derek," Meredith said, reaching out for his hand, and stopping him from walking away, "we'll talk later."

"Fine."

"Derek, that's not nice…" she said, unable to keep from smiling.

"I'm on to you…finish your talk."

"Meredith, when he called me, I knew he had reached rock bottom."

"I know…I'm sorry."

"Don't be… you probably should have said that months ago…because you need to deal with your feelings about that day, he needs to understand, he thinks you gave up, and I don't think you did at all."

"I didn't…I did…but not intentionally, just for a moment I closed my eyes, and then I was struggling…and I couldn't…I couldn't…" she started to get very upset, and Kathleen stopped her.

"Hey, not now…you don't have to remember that now…take a deep breath…that's it."

"He doesn't understand…how it was…what happened…"

"Then make him understand."

"There's things…in my past…with my Mom…when I was a kid…Kathleen, I swear I would never…I'd never do that to him again…it happened, but it wasn't intentional…I would never do that to him…now…or ever, to our kids…and I fought…I fought back…he doesn't now, but I did…just for him…"

"He needs to know that."

"How can he not know?"

"Meredith….none of us are mind readers, he needs to know…he's tormented…he is afraid of losing you again, he is obsessed with keeping you safe."

"He won't lose me, I promised him…he won't ever have to deal with that again, I swear, he won't, I came back for him…Kathleen, just for him…"

"Tell him…it's you and him…the two of you that need to trust each other, Meredith, from what he's said…you've both saved each other from drowning…that's what he told me, you saved him from drowning, a breath of fresh air, and then he literally saved you, brought you back to life…now you need to start trusting each other, and get on with the rest of your lives."

"He told me didn't want to breathe for me anymore…"

"He told me that…and he's deeply deeply ashamed, he wants you to be proud of him…he wants to be the man you can be proud of again."

"I am proud of him…even when I'm angry with him…"

"Those are the things you need to talk to each other about…and yes, I told him he needs to go to therapy too."

"That, I'm sure did not go over well…"

"Meredith, Derek always keeps to himself, he rarely ever reaches out to anyone or allows anyone to see his weakness, when he called me, I knew there was something very wrong."

"I know, and it's my fault…"

"I would not say it's a matter of fault, I think it's a matter of love…he loves you so much, he was willing to reach out for help, when he has not done it before, he did it for you, because of you, because he's willing to try…he's willing to do whatever it takes for the two of you to be together, to have a future together…build a life together…he does not want to have a life without you in it, and neither do you, from what I have witnessed."

"I think we can…we can live without each other…but I don't want to, our lives would be empty without each other, and I'm willing to try too, whatever it takes."

"That's the Meredith I've come to know in the last two days…the one that will go ahead and take the leap, and asks the questions, and is beginning to trust. That's the Meredith, I'm so proud to know is going to be my friend and my sister…because, you know what… Jenna is probably going to be your favorite sister in law" she smiled, "but from now on…I'm your big sister…get used to it…"

"Kathleen…"

"Yes?"

"I think," she paused, "I think God is beginning to remember to answer some of my prayers…from a long long time ago…"

"See…He works in mysterious ways…not always our timing…"

"Would you…would you like to know…which prayer he's answered," she asked, and Kathleen felt like her heart would break in two hearing the vulnerability in her voice.

"I would be honored…"

"Nobody knows, but since I was a little girl…after my Dad left…I would pray…pray for a family…I have a photo you know, of my Mom and Dad, and me…by my nightstand…I always just wanted a family…and now…he's given me Derek back…and a baby…" she paused, and wiped the tears away, "and I have my friends here, they've been like family…but now…I think He's really answered, by bringing Lexie and you to my life."

Kathleen was too choked up to respond, but did what she did best, offer the comfort long perfected by motherhood, and embraced her, "and from now on, you'll always have me."

"Thank you…for putting up with me…"

"Hey, give me more credit than that…it was you and Derek," she said, and both laughed.

'We should go in now," Meredith said, "you must be hungry."

"I must be hungry?" Kathleen teased.

"I think you should be, but if you're not, your niece or nephew are."

"Not to mention their mom."

"Not to mention their mom," she said, and placed her hand protectively over her abdomen.

"Speaking of which," Kathleen said, linking her arm through Meredith's, and walked inside the house, "I bought you something."

"For the baby?"

"About the baby…a couple of books, I think you will like."

"Are you two finished with your three hour conversation" Derek asked.

"It was not three hours, barely an hour, and I spent all day talking with you, so don't be a smart ass."

"It felt like three hours."

"That's because you're nosy, and don't know what we talked about."

"Stop being a bully, Kathleen."

"I see some things never change," they heard Mark call out from the kitchen door.

"Mark, what a surprise, I didn't expect to see you," Kathleen said, and went up to kiss him on the cheek.

"I wasn't invited."

"You didn't need an invitation if you wanted to have dinner with us," Derek commented, "b ut you made it pretty clear last night you had plans for tonight, don't tell me you stood up Tracy?"

"Oh, no, Dr. Sloan, the club is going to be back in full gear, if you do that."

"Grey, how could you think that of me?"

"Sorry, I mean…I wasn't trying to be flippant, or anything, just we all know about NUAMS…and well, Tracy is a nurse, and you've been out with her a lot, and there's actually bets about how long...and each night they see you at Joe's there's a new …oh please, just me up now, I'm sorry, I was out of line…I should not have…"

"Derek," Kathleen said, "I take it rambling is a contagious trait…"

"What makes you say that?"

"Because I've heard it from three of you today," she said, and Mark roared with laughter.

"Kat, you've just been exposed to the Grey Ramble…"

"I have never heard anything like that, you didn't grow up together, and yet you are exactly alike, girls do you breathe during those rambles?"

"Kathleen," Derek said, "I think you are about to experience a…that's not nice…speech from Meredith."

"Don't be an ass," he heard Meredith say, before he felt two simultaneous smacks on each arm, one from Meredith and one from Kathleen.

"Grey," Mark said, "tell me, what do you know about the club?"

"Dr. Sloan, I'm sorry, I should not have said anything."

"Xena, it's ok…I want to know, and Meredith, does Lexie know I'm going to be best man…and…you know…"

Meredith was standing next to Derek, and placed her arm around his waist, "Mark, the entire world knows you're going to be bestman, and...does you know, mean, does she know you're going to be godfather?"

"She knows?"

"She knows."

"Thank God, I can talk to someone about it…well Xena, I think you can start calling me Mark…since we're going to be godparents together…"

"Dr. Sloan…I don't…"

"Grey…come on…we're going to be Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark…"

"Mark…I suppose I can do that…"

"Very good Grey."

"Are you staying for dinner?"

"I wasn't planning on it, I just came by to see how Mer was doing, and I can see she's much better than this afternoon. Did you get some rest?"

"I did," she said, and walked to him and kissed him on the cheek, "thank you, for today."

"I'm taking my responsibilities seriously."

"Yes, you are, and both of us…all three of us thank you," Derek said.

"I'm starving," Kathleen said, "can we eat?"

"Of course. Lexie do you mind setting up the rest for dinner, I'll be right back," she said pulling on Derek's hand and leading him to the living room.

"What's going on?"

"Hold me," she said and walked into his arms.

"Rough day?"

"A little."

"Are you ok?"

"I think so."

"But?"

"I just wanted to say, I'm sorry, I overreached about the pizza when you came in with Kathleen, and I needed to say I love you, just us, alone."

"I love you too, and no apology was necessary, I understood."

"All the more reason, I wanted to apologize," she said, lightly brushing his lips with hers.

"Ok…did you have a good talk with Kathleen?"

"The absolute best…I'll tell you later, let's go eat."

"You're feeling ok? No more faintness?"

"I'm feeling ok."

They were walking back, when Kathleen came out of the kitchen.

"I'll join you in a second, want to get your books."

Meredith was pleased there were no intrusions from the interns/residents at home tonight, as the five of them enjoyed their evening meal, allowing them to speak freely.

"Meredith, I got you these two books, I know everyone gets, What to expect when you're expecting, but you two are doctors, and I think that one is fairly basic…"

Meredith and Derek laughed, and he reached over for her hand, bringing it to his mouth and placing a gentle kiss, "Kat, I think we both failed the we're doctors bit, since neither of us even realized what was going on till several days ago."

"You've never had kids before, that's understandable…"

"You don't understand, Kathleen, we are talking major monumental denial from Meredith," Lexie said.

"Oh, be quiet…just because you thought about it the first day…I had…"

"Yes, Meredith…" Lexie teased, "the first day you had any symptoms…I even joked with her, when she was so adamantly sure she could not be pregnant, and told her I wasn't aware she and Derek were abstaining," she said, and they all laughed, when Derek almost spilled his glass of wine.

"Cant take the heat Shep?"

"Leave him alone Mark…you know…I have some influence over bestman…"

"Grey, you can't continue to hold that over my head."

"Wanna bet?"

"Children…behave," Kathleen joked. "Meredith, these two books I really like, and as I started to say…I know you two are doctors, but this experience the first time having a baby, you still need a little everyday guidance."

"These are great, Derek and I were talking about getting some books the other day, and these sound perfect," she said holding the books, "look Derek, The pregnancy Bible and The Mayo Clinic Guide to a Healthy Pregnancy, maybe we can each start reading one…"

"That's a good idea, we can compare notes…as we go along," he said, and held on to her hand. "Thanks Kathleen, we appreciate."

"I wanted to make sure you didn't do the cliché thing of the usual book, these are better."

"So, Xena, you did not tell me what you know about the club…"

"Dr. Sl…Mark, I don't think you want…I mean, you don't really want me to talk about that, now…while everyone is here…it's kind of…"

"Ok," Kathleen in interrupted, "I get NUAMS – is Nurses United Against Mark Sloan, but what the hell is this Xena thing about?"

Mark roared, and explained the nickname.

"That makes sense, very fitting indeed, from what I've heard."

"Is there anything you haven't heard, Kathleen," Mark questioned.

"What do you think?"

"That's what I thought…though, I bet you haven't heard about the bears on Shep's land…and Mama bear."

"Mark, that is not nice…really, not nice at all…just because Derek has a big mouth…and he…was making fun of me," Meredith said, biting her lower lip, "you don't have to…"

Mark looked at Derek and Kathleen and Lexie, as if asking for help out of the situation and got none, and then at Meredith who had lowered her head, and he heard a sniffle.

"You started it," Derek said.

"Mer, I wasn't making fun of you."

"Yes you were, and I already told you…"

"I'm sorry."

"No you're not, and you probably already repeated the story to the entire hospital."

"I haven't, you know that, I'm not talking about Baby Bear to anyone, but you," he teased her.

"Baby bear…" she looked at him, feeling softer, gentler and smiled, "fine, apology accepted."

"But, Meredith, it's a funny story, can I please tell Kathleen?"

They all waited for the rest of the emotional outburst, and instead, Derek got swatted on the arm, "it's all your fault, for having a big mouth."

"Mer, can I tell the story?"

"No," she said irritably, and then softer, reaching out to hold Derek's hand, "but Derek can."

"You want me to tell the story," Derek asked cautiously.

"It's ok, it's sort of a funny story."

"You're sure."

"Yes," she said, rolling her eyes, and listened to him tell the story.

"Derek, I don't think it's funny," Kathleen said seriously, "I think she's right, she's absolutely right, I never stopped to think about it, but you are building a house on a cliff, and it could be surrounded by bears, Derek, are you out of your mind, oh my God, wait till Mom finds out."

"I told you," Meredith said, "it's not such a crazy idea, Derek…you're so caught up on the view and the land, and the lake and those forty acres could be full of bears."

"Bears…they have bears on the island? Mer, you can't keep bears away with a fence, and kids, they don't know any better, I mean a fence could keep them away from the cliff, but what do you do if there really are bears, you could be sitting there unexpectedly and all of a sudden there it is…and what do you do, even if they're baby bears they can be…"

"See…what you started, you idiot…" Derek looked at Mark.

"What…how the hell was I supposed to know rambling is contagious?"

"What?

"Kathleen, her ramble was worse than the Meredith and Lexie."

Kathleen heard that, and started to laugh, "oh my God, it is…I sounded just like Meredith and Lexie and Derek!"

"Not nice guys…really, and I don't mean that in Meredith's hormones kicking in, but it really isn't nice to make fun of us. Lexie and I can't help it, as Kathleen said, we grew up apart, and we still have the same trait, so maybe it's in our genes, and can't help it, maybe it's a Shepherd trait as well," she teased.

"Baby bear is doomed to ramble…" Mark laughed.

"Hey, watch it…" Meredith said.

"Yes, Mama bear," he said, and they all laughed.

"That brings us to the more important question. Derek, you have still not answered me, if there are bears on the island or not."

"I have answered you, I told you, those two bears we heard about, were a fluke, they swam over the sound."

"Derek, what would keep them from swimming over again," Kathleen asked.

"Whose side are you on?"

"It's not about sides, it's about you building a house on a cliff with bears."

"Remind me never to invite you here again, you are totally biased, and taking Meredith's side on everything."

"That's fine, if you don't invite me, Meredith will."

"Of course she will, you're taking her side."

Derek had pushed his chair away from the table, leaving a comfortable distance between the two, and Meredith got up from her chair and stood by him and reaching for his hand, she sat on his lap and kissed him softly.

"She is definitely on our side, and Kathleen you are welcome anytime."

"Thank you, and I plan on taking you up on that."

"Lexie, now that Mark managed to stir up trouble, why don't you fill us in on the rest of the Mark Sloan bets," Derek encouraged.

"Derek, I don't think…I mean, Kathleen…"

"Lexie, I have known stories about this man whore since before you were born…do tell, besides, we're all family…no secrets allowed."

"Well," Lexie, said and divulged all she knew, turning the rest of the evening into light and playful banter.

"Derek," Kathleen said, "I think our evening deserves a toast…"

"Do you want to do the honors?"

"Meredith?"

"Please…do."

"To family…brothers and sisters…old and new bonds, strengthened and nurtured…to be cherished forever…"

They all raised their glasses for the toast, except Meredith, and suddenly Derek felt her tremble, "are you ok" he whispered softly against her ear.

"Yes," she whispered, desperately trying to dismiss the feeling, that this evening, would be fondly remember, as their last evening together, before the winds of change swept in, unpredictable and uncontrollable bringing heartache and despair, though eventually the winds would change again, restoring faith and hope and finally answering prayers of a lifetime.


	92. Chapter 92

**Ch – 91 Hormones & jealousy **

"Derek, did you bring dessert?"

"I thought we had every flavor of ice cream you wanted in the freezer?"

"I've already had ice cream, and I thought, well, it's not important."

"Uhmmm…it's not important. Ok," he teased, "but, what would you say to chocolate fudge cake?"

"Almost…" she whispered in his ear, "as good as this," she said and uncaring of their audience, brushed his lips with hers, and then deepened the kiss.

"Almost…" he teased, "payback…tomorrow…"

"Can't wait," she said, kissing him lightly again, "dessert anyone," she asked while getting up to get plates, and brought the cake to the table.

"You two really need to…Grey…put him out of his misery…we thought we were about to witness your x-rated version of dessert," Mark commented.

"Mark…"

"What, Shep, you know it's true, McDreamy may have redeemed himself…but he still needs to overcome one major hurdle…"

"You're just jealous," Derek countered.

"Shep, jealous? Have you noticed how I've been spending my nights lately…?"

"Mark, are you saying, you prefer sleeping around, rather than find a more…well, let's use the word 'stable' relationship…like the one you have been telling the entire hospital about," she paused challenging him to answer, "perhaps… prematurely…that you're going to be the bestman at?"

"Prematurely? Grey, you are not going to hold that over my head, I'm yours to keep…bestman and godfather."

"Uhmmm…just watch…what you say to Derek…"

"Man, you are so totally whipped," Mark laughed.

"You don't listen, Mark, do you? No dessert for you," Meredith said, as she cut pieces for everyone, and placed his piece in front of hers, and walked over to the refrigerator to pour a glass of milk.

"That's what you think," he winked at her, "I'm definitely getting plenty of dessert tonight…but bet Shep can't say that same thing."

She smacked him lightly across the head as she passed him, and sat down to drink the milk and eat the cake, though she also passed the second piece of cake to him.

"Mark, lay off my sex life and concentrate on yours…"

"Believe me, Shep, I've been doing plenty of concentrating on mine…"

"Yeah, you keep at it, same woman every night… we may be attending your wedding, before you get a chance to be my bestman," Derek joked, and failed to see Meredith's reaction to his comment.

"Mer, you didn't tell me, have you set a wedding date?"

"Oh, Lexie, don't go there…it's a sore subject for Derek, he hasn't proposed yet," Kathleen commented.

"I kind of knew that…but with all the talk of bestman…"

"It's up in the air," Meredith commented.

"It is not, up in the air," Derek said emphatically.

"That's it, no more wedding talk," Kathleen interrupted, "Derek, when you propose and figure out a date, let us know, we have at the very least twenty-three people to fly cross country."

"What…what do you mean…twenty-three people…" Meredith asked.

"Meredith, surely you don't think you two are going to get married without all of his family here."

"As Derek said, Mark may be getting married before we do…and since we know that's not likely to happen anytime soon…you may not have anything to worry about…"

"Meredith…honey, I don't think that's what Derek meant," Kathleen said, correctly interpreting her sudden doubts and insecurities over Derek's comment.

"It's ok Kathleen…I understand…"

"Why don't you explain it to me, because I sure as hell don't know what you're talking about," Derek told her raising his voice.

"Don't yell at me."

"I'm not yelling, I just want to know where you got that idea…"

"You just said…"

"Meredith, Derek, stop it right now," Lexie scolded.

"Lexie, don't you dare tell me…" Meredith told her.

"Fine," Kathleen interrupted, "you think she can't tell you to stop, well I certainly can. You two better stop talking and start listening to what the other is saying, for the love of God, you are acting incredibly childish."

"We are not," both said in unison, and realizing the absurdity of it all, broke some of the tension with laughter.

"Mark, are you about ready to leave," Kathleen asked him.

"Just about…I'm going to get seconds…hell, probably third and fourth helpings of dessert."

"Oh, stop acting like an idiot," Kathleen told him, "can you drop me off at the ferry terminal, so Derek doesn't have to?"

"Damn woman, but you're bossy, I don't remember you being this bad before."

"Practice makes perfect…and you won't hear my husband complaining …"

"You probably don't give him a chance, but who knows what he says behind your back."

Kathleen who was sitting across from Meredith & Lexie, and next to Mark, got up and without warning, lightly smacked him on the head, "stop tormenting Derek," she told him, "and you," she told Derek while smacking him a bit harder, "start acting like a grown up."

"What did I do, now, that hurt?"

"Start listening a little better, and learn to interpret her reactions, you've got a long seven months ahead of you," she said, and noticing Meredith was still quiet, walked over to her, and in a motherly gesture so foreign to Meredith, stood beside her and put her arms around her shoulder and hugged her.

"Meredith, honey, you're hormones are going to be all over the place, and I know it's going to be hard, but you'll need to ignore some of his stupidity sometimes."

"You are so totally biased," Derek muttered under his breath.

"What did you say?"

"Nothing."

Lexie watched the exchange with amusement.

"He said," Mark interjected, "you're totally biased, and he's right, we get a swat, and she gets a hug for the same misunderstanding as Shep did, how fair is that?"

"I did not notice either of you being pregnant."

"That's a copout Kathleen, none of you ever gave crap about hormones, and I've been there through enough of them …"

She hugged Meredith again, "don't pay any attention to him, he's just as insensitive as he's always been."

"Hey, not fair, I'm here tonight just to make sure she was ok."

Meredith remained quiet, her telltale sign of biting her bottom revealing her failed attempt at hiding how much Kathleen's support meant to her. It was the first time anyone had shown her that much affection.

Derek did not take his eyes off her and saw the conflicting emotions reflected in her gaze, and got up and stood next to his sister and hugged her, "Kathleen, thank you for reminding me," he said, "I was not sensitive to Meredith's feelings."

He heard her soft, almost inaudible whimper, and standing behind her chair, hugged her while kissing the top of her head, "I'm sorry, I did not mean to make you sad."

"It wasn't that…"

"What was it…because, really, I don't know…"

"We'll talk later," Meredith told him.

"Ok, that's settled," Kathleen stated, "Lexie, why don't we clean this up, and we can…"

"You don't have to do that," Meredith said and started to get up.

"You stay right there, we'll get this done," Kathleen told her, and she and Lexie cleaned the remaining items from the kitchen table.

"Xena, when Kathleen's not around, you're going to need to interpret your sister's mood swings…because, like Shep, I'm absolutely oblivious to what the hell just happened."

"Mark, stop with the nonsense, and what's with all the nicknames? Xena… McDreamy…oh my God, wait, Mark you said McDreamy and the bet, surely, that was not about…" she stopped and started laughing.

"Oh, Kathleen, but one of the best is Mc Steamy…" Lexie laughed along with her.

"Wait…" she laughed again, "did it really go over my head…" she continued chuckling, "Derek is who you meant was McDreamy?"

"Kat, who the hell else did you think I meant, I was talking to him …"

"This, I have to hear…and you must be…Mc Steamy," she said and laughed even harder, "how in the world did anyone come up with those nicknames…who gave thought to those names?"

"McSteamy was all Mer's doing, from what I've heard," Lexie told her.

"Lexie," Meredith chided, "it's really not that good a story."

"Mer, it's a great story, especially when Derek hit Mark…"

"Derek hit Mark? When, why?"

"Go ahead, Meredith, tell the story," Derek prompted.

"Derek, that is not nice…"

"You're not pregnant Kathleen, you can't use that line on me."

"Don't be an idiot, it's not nice to put Meredith on the spot, and she apparently feels that way."

"Kathleen, it's actually ok…maybe we can get an answer as to why Derek actually hit Mark."

"Grey, that's not a secret, he was jealous as hell."

"He does not get jealous," Meredith told him.

"Who the hell told you that, of course he does, that's why he used all his strength, I was on the ground bleeding and needed stitches."

"Ok, stop right there. Meredith, you tell the story, and start from the beginning."

"Let's see…I was at a computer reading a patient's information, and here comes this incredibly attractive older man…"

"Incredibly attractive…" Derek said and raised his eyebrow.

"Older man…" Mark grumbled.

"Yes, to both…and after being struck by his, shall we say, sensitivity to the patient's history which he read over my shoulder, he blatantly hits on me, and tells me about wanting to stay in bed all day…"

"He did what? You never told me that…you son of a …"

"Shep, need I remind you, you were married…living with your wife…"

"That's not the issue…Meredith, he asked you to spend the day in bed with him…"

She could see he was really upset, "Derek, I did not say that…"

"You just said…"

"I said, he was telling me about having arrived in Seattle, and hating the rain and how it made him feel like staying in bed all day…I did not say …"

"You certainly remember a lot of detail about it," Derek said pouting.

"Of course she remembers, I made quite an impression on her."

"Stay out of this, you …to think, I'm considering you for bestman…and…you can just…"

"Oh no you don't…you're not changing your mind."

"Like hell, I'm not…"

"Derek, Mark, stop it, the two of you…let me finish the story."

"I think I've heard enough," Derek told her.

"No, you haven't…" she said, "and you know it didn't mean anything to me."

"You seem to have a very vivid recollection of your meeting."

"Come on Derek, it was…even for you…"

"Ok, in my defense," Mark spoke up, "I should finish the story, before these two get in another argument."

"We're not arguing."

"Right. I'm talking to Mer, and out of nowhere I have a fist connect with my cheek and bleeding all over the place."

"Derek, you hit Mark…why?"

"I told you Kat, I was flirting with Mer, and he was jealous."

"He was not jealous Mark…he had just seen you for the first time since New York…"

"Grey, I told you then, I'm telling you again, he was jealous…he saw me and Addie naked…and nothing, couldn't be bothered to hit me then, but he saw you talking to me, and introducing yourself…and that was it…stitches and all…"

"You had to have stitches?"

"You introduced yourself to him, why? " Derek accused her.

"Derek, I did not know who he was, he was obviously a doctor, understood the information he had read over my shoulder, though sensitivity was not his forte even then…why wouldn't I?

"Because he was Mark."

"I did not know that, and in case you are forgetting, you were with your wife," she said a bit annoyed.

"All right, referee time again," Lexie commented.

"That's right, both of you, all three of you, it's already happened…so lighten up," Kathleen ordered.

"I did introduce myself, all I said was Meredith and extended my hand, and next thing I knew Derek had hit Mark, and I was cleansing the wound and got ready to stitch him up."

"Mark let you stitch him up?"

"Kat, you know me better than that, of course I didn't."

"Kathleen that was the most hilarious of all, when he asked me for the mirror and told me he'd do it himself."

"Are we done with this story yet," Derek asked ill humored.

"No, that's when he told me everyone knew I was the slutty intern…"

"And don't forget Grey, our nickname."

"Yes, our nickname…"

"Another nickname," Kathleen asked, "what now?"

"The dirty mistresses," he said and both he and Meredith laughed, but she realized Derek was not in the least amused.

"Derek," she said and reached for his hand, "we're just joking, it never meant anything… it's always been you…only you, I'm interested in, I'm sorry, I was not trying to upset you."

"It's fine."

"No it's not. Derek, I know you're not fine. But, it was funny, and I was not attracted to him."

"Grey, you're contradicting yourself, you just said, I was this incredibly attractive man…"

"You were, but I wasn't interested…Derek, please…"

"It's fine Meredith."

"Sure," she said with renewed insecurities, "Kathleen, I'm tired, if you don't mind, I'm going to go upstairs…"

"No, you are not. You are going to finish the story, and tell me how McSteamy was born, and Derek, stop acting like a jealous teenager, she loves you, and you know it."

"Really, Kathleen…I'd rather…" she said quietly.

"Meredith, it's fine…please, finish the story," Derek told her after he realized she was truly getting upset over the conversation, and his reaction, "it's fine, I haven't heard this, please tell the story."

"Come on Grey, I haven't heard this either…and if there was any doubt in your mind, why he hit me…you got proof tonight, he was jealous as hell."

"Mark, stop adding fuel to the fire," Kathleen told him.

"See, there I disagree, I know McDreamy would love nothing more than to fuel that fire." he laughed.

Kathleen reached over and smacked him, "stop your taunting."

Derek got up and extended his hand to Meredith for her to get up, and she did, and then he sat her on his lap and whispered, "I love you and I'm sorry, please finish telling us."

"I'm sorry, you got upset."

"He's right, I was jealous as hell."

"You were…" she said in amazement.

"Obviously still am…"

"I love you Derek…you know that."

"Yes, I do."

"Ok, you two, stop the whispering, you'll have plenty of time for that when Kat and I leave."

"Shut up Mark," he heard from all but Lexie.

She settled comfortably in his arms and continued, "I needed to take him for an x-ray, and thought it would be best if I didn't…"

"Coward…" Mark told her.

"Mark, if you don't stop it, I'm going to tell the story about that time at the lake…"

"That is beneath you Kathleen…"

"Try me…"

"Gladly…" he joked.

"Mark, that is …not…not gentlemanly at all…" Meredith reprimanded.

"That's a new one," Derek said, "Mark being confused for a gentleman."

"Mer, don't mind him, he's been trying that for years…I'm the only older woman he says that ever turned him down."

"You've been propositioning my sister…how the hell is that possible, she's been married since you were old enough to…"

"She's hot Derek… always has been…still is…"

"Kathleen, how can you let him talk that way…"

"Derek, he's been doing this for years, he's great for my ego, especially around my very jealous husband… keeps him on his toes…besides, he's right, I am hot…still..."

"Women…who the hell can understand you," Derek muttered.

"Meredith, get to the point, how did he get the name? Who gave him the name?"

"He didn't let me stitch him up, but did it himself, so I went to get one of the interns to take him to get an x-ray, and Alex took him because he was in awe of the 'go to plastic surgeon' as he dubbed him."

"Always knew Karev was in awe of me, man recognizes genius."

Lexie was unable to keep from laughing.

"You feel differently Grey?"

"No, Dr…Mark, just listening to the story," Lexie smiled.

"Then, Cristina, Iz and I were there, totally enthralled with Mark stitching up his own face, George was there too, but he didn't count."

"Yang and Stevens wee totally enthralled…uhmmm…that could be interesting."

"Mark, aren't you totally enthralled with Tracy right now…going for what was it…several helpings of dessert," Meredith countered.

"Grey…you know me better than that…always keep your options open…"

"You are really a manwhore…and I was thinking you might be wanting to settle down," Meredith told him.

"What? Where did you get an idea like that? Grey, those hormones are affecting your logic as well…"

"Mark, leave her alone," Kathleen reprimanded.

"She's the one that started."

"I have to say, you and Derek have behaved much worse than my teenagers, Mom's not going to believe it when I tell her."

"Why would you need to tell her any of this, Kathleen, there's no need for it."

"Derek, do you seriously think I'm going to skip some of the stories I can tell…McSteamy and Mcdreamy …not a chance in hell baby brother, don't worry Meredith, I will keep the dirty mistress comments to my self."

"You are so totally biased, Mark we're fuc…screwed next time we see Mom."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, "remember…language…"

"You are worried about the language I'm using now," he laughed, "but not the entire conversation about slutty interns, man whores and dirty mistresses."

"Derek, that is not nice…you're making fun of me again," she said, and he detected the hormones kicking in.

"I'm not making fun…truly…just pointing out you didn't seem to mind earlier…"

"That's because I didn't notice it, I told you, we'd forget, and that's why we have to start being aware of it now…"

"Shep, Grey, do you two want to decipher that conversation?"

"Meredith thinks we need to watch our language…around the baby."

Mark laughed, "you're joking?"

"Derek….that wasn't nice…not at all, now both of you are laughing at me, well let me tell you maybe …just maybe, I don't think…"

Derek silenced her with a kiss and murmured against her lips, "be nice Meredith."

"Meredith, lighten up, finish the story."

Derek laughed, "Kathleen, Meredith has a special aversion to being told to lighten up," he said, without taking his eyes off Meredith and remembering a confrontation about that very statement.

"Totally different Derek, it does not begin to compare," Meredith glared at him.

"I give up…you two have absolutely no objectivity regarding the other's faults."

"Tread lightly little brother, and Meredith, I'd like to get to back to the inn tonight."

"If all of you didn't continuously interrupt or make fun of me, I could have finished this long ago."

"Meredith, just admit it was you who dubbed him McSteamy," Lexie commented.

"Wait a minute, did you just say you were enthralled watching him…"

"Derek, we were a bit in awe of him…I mean…seriously, he was doing his own stitches…"

"Glad you know how much you left out of this story."

"Shepherd, lighten up…let me finish the story…"

"Don't you tell me to lighten up," he said and both recalled almost the exact same words months ago, and could not help but laugh at the irony of the moment, "you've never called me that before."

"What?"

"Shepherd… lighten up?"

"It seemed appropriate, I like that…Shepherd…for when you have to be reminded of things."

"Grey, Shepherd… whatever you two want to call each other, finish the story Meredith, I've had an exhausting day, thanks to the two of you, and I want to get a good eight hours of sleep tonight."

"Goodness, everyone is testy tonight," Meredith mumbled to a chorus of …what!

"Meredith," Lexie laughed, "you really have nerve to say that, after the roller coaster ride of hormones we've been exposed to tonight."

"I don't see how that's happened."

"Of course you don't Grey, that's why we're here to tell you about it, and you can mend your ways."

"Fine…so we're standing around and I said, Mcsexy needed stitches…"

"You, dubbed him McSexy too," Derek asked her in disbelief.

"Just for a second, but it didn't fit him, so we threw a couple of names around…and agreed McSteamy suited him best, that's all."

"Who came up with McSteamy," Kathleen asked.

"Well…I think…"

"Meredith…"

"I love you Derek…"

"It was you, wasn't it," Derek laughed. That wasn't very nice Meredith, not nice at all, forgetting all about me, and ready to move on to McSteamy."

"I was not," she told him, "you know that is not true."

"I love you Meredith," he said, using the same tactic as hers with the use of those three words, and trying to keep from laughing again.

"You do know…"

"I do know…it meant nothing."

"It means nothing."

"Thanks for that, Grey, nothing like being made to feel unworthy," Mark grinned.

"Mark Sloan, you are going to be my…our baby's godfather…and we want only the best for our baby…my knight…" she said, and smiled at him, "you're very worthy, now," she emphasized..

"Now I am totally confused. Derek, you're upset about a story that happened months ago, yet you're ok, she's calling him her knight…in shining armor I presume?"

"I didn't know all of the story Kathleen, the McSteamy story, but I do know, recently, he's been her knight…and I trust my brother."

"That's lovely Derek, there could be no better ending to an evening than this…trust and friendship and family, I'm glad I've been here, had these two days to spend with you."

"Kathleen…" Meredith added, "about McDreamy…" she said, "you already know the story…it was just a matter of getting from that first night to this evening," and turning to Derek, kissed him gently on the lips and felt the comfort and love in his embrace.

_5/31 AN Thanks so much for your comments,sorry could not update sooner, work got in the way just a bit. This was a bit of a break from intense emotion, though you can see hormones are making Meredith very sensitive, and sometimes...it's easy to fall in to old familiar patterns. I do expect to update at least twice this weekend. _


	93. Chapter 93

**Ch 92 – Legendary couple **

"We're going to go, Meredith needs some rest, but, tell us, who came up with McDreamy?"

"That was Cristina…not long after I met Derek."

"As much as I want to get going, I haven't heard this story, Grey, do tell…"

"Uhmm…I think that's our story…right, Derek?"

"Unforgettable…"

"Mer, that's not fair…you should tell us," Lexie insisted.

"Let's just say…that elevators became one my favorite…"

"Shep, you had sex with Grey in an elevator…at Seattle Grace?"

"Mark don't be an ass…"

"What the hell else could you mean…"

"You would not understand…" he said, looking at Meredith, and lightly brushing her lips with his, "would he?"

"Probably not," she said and kissed him back.

Kathleen spoke up, "I think it's time for us to go," and they all began to rise from their seats, but when Meredith did, she had the same sensation of dizziness and faintness.

"Derek," she said, her voice wavering and reaching out for him, "I don't feel well…"

"I have you, don't worry," he told her as he made her sit down, and crouched down in front of her. "Tell me what's wrong," he said while holding her hands.

"Just…like earlier…a little faint…dizzy…it's going away now."

Kathleen was quickly at her side, "you need to get to bed, it's been a long day, and we have stayed longer than necessary," and seeing the worried look on her face, added, "this is perfectly normal, what's happening, being tired and dizzy and faint, it's normal and you're lucky nausea hasn't played a part as well."

"You're sure," she asked her.

"Yes, those symptoms are normal," but she saw the growing concern on her face, "but, Meredith if there's anything else, you need to tell the doctor tomorrow."

"There hasn't been…not now…"

"Ok, I will see you tomorrow," she said, and walked over to Lexie and kissed her on the cheek, "I am delighted to have met Meredith's sister, and I'm so glad you're going to be traveling home with them."

"I really enjoyed meeting you too Kathleen, I hope to see you before you leave."

"You will, and Lexie, I should warn you…Mom doesn't have single daughters anymore, and you're the perfect age to be thinking of marriage and babies, so she's going to have her matchmaking eyes set on you."

"Don't worry, Xena, I'll be your warrior this time against the big bad dragon."

"Mark, Mom's not like that," Kathleen attempted to keep a straight face.

"Let's go Kathleen, I'm late, I told Tracy I'd be there much earlier."

"I'll be right out," she said, and both Lexie and Mark walked out of the kitchen, allowing her to walk to Derek who had helped Meredith up and had his arm around her waist.

"The two of you had a long draining day emotionally, and Meredith, for you physically as well. Tonight, I was quite frustrated with both of you…because, you can't allow yourselves to fall into the same type of insecurities and doubts that create nothing but misunderstandings."

"I know Kathleen, and I appreciate that you've pointed it out, to both of us."

"Derek, she's pregnant, if communicating was bad before, it's going to be even more trying right now, and Meredith don't you dare make a that's not nice comment about what I just said. Honey, it is going to be trying, you are going to be a royal pain, I know, I've been there…and I've been through it for all my nieces and nephews, and I'm glad I was here to see a bit of this new baby's beginnings and his Mom learning to cope with it."

"You make it sound …"

"I'm making it sound exactly as it is, and on top of that, you have many other issues that you need to deal with."

"We…we're dealing with them…" Meredith told her, and allowed herself to be held closer by Derek.

"Yes, you are. Derek, Meredith, you have what most people long for…I've been privileged to see it…that extraordinary love between you, that is never going to go away, even if you decide to go your separate ways…"

"Kathleen, what the hell are you talking about…" Derek asked angrily.

"If you had let me finish, you would not need to be angry with me. Even if you decided to go your separate ways, you would never, either of you, be the same again, because you are meant to be together…I believe in soul mates …and I believe that's what I see in the two of you together. But, that is not enough."

"It's what we talked about, today…" Meredith said.

"Yes, it is. Are you ok now?"

"Yes, I wanted to stand…to make sure those sensations were gone."

"They pass, you just need to be aware that it will happen."

"Baby Shep, making his presence felt," Derek said as he placed his hand protectively on her abdomen.

"Derek, Meredith, your love for each other, it's only the beginning, a priceless piece of the foundation for a lifetime together, but the rest, you each have to nurture and it takes compromise, and sometimes it's not 50/50, sometimes one has to give that one hundred percent or more, when the other one doesn't, but it does not mean you give up, it means you are making a commitment to not to give up, but to be there for each other always, and that means it's going to take work on both your parts, and it starts with communication, and not allowing misunderstandings like you did tonight."

"It was a long day Kathleen," Derek told her, "we both realize we need to talk."

"That's good, and I know you love each other, I have no doubts about that. But now, you have to find a way to talk to each other, to listen and trust each other, so that when really important issues come up, when life deals you a set of cards you were not expecting, you are both ready to face the challenge, because, you are going to be dealt those cards, and you can rely on love as your foundation, but communication is what will pull those bonds together, and never let anything else interfere."

Meredith had not been able to keep the tears from sliding down her cheeks, and she was suddenly embraced by Kathleen, feeling secure in the arms of both siblings, both offering unconditional love and comfort that she knew would last a lifetime.

"Now, the two of you, get some rest…I will see you tomorrow."

"I love you Kathleen. Thank you for being here," he said and releasing Meredith, gave his sister a hug.

"It's what sisters do," she said and hugged Meredith again, "anything you need, you know where to reach me."

"Yes, thank you," she said and all three walked out of the kitchen, Derek gently supporting Meredith with his hand around her waist.

"Finally. Kat, really you're screwing up my sex life."

"You're the only one that can do that Mark…" she quipped.

"Let's go. G'night Lexie, Shep… Mama Bear," he said giving Meredith a hug, "I'll have your special blend in the morning."

"I'll look forward to it…maybe add chocolate this time," she winked.

Lexie spoke when Kathleen and Mark left, " "Good night guys…thank you for sharing tonight with me…your news…asking me to be godmother, it means a lot to me, more than you can imagine, Mer, that you'd ask me, that you'd trust me…"

"Hey, I can't deal with rambles right now, but there's no one else I want for that, I'll see you in the morning," she said and reached over to hug her sister. "You're my sister Lexie, and I'm thankful for that…remember…what I asked you…"

Lexie hugged her back, and whispered, "I'll say a very special prayer."

They reached her bedroom and he led her to sit on the bed, "are you feeling ok? No more dizziness…feeling faint?"

"No, it was just when I got up…it hasn't happened again," she said and leaned in to feel the warmth of his body.

"I want to take a shower before getting in bed, will you lie down and get some rest," he asked as he gently pushed her back into the pillows and kissed her.

"Yes, but don't take long."

"I won't."

"Oh, Derek, I have to go downstairs, I left the books on the kitchen chair, and I don't want anyone else find them."

"I'll get them, you stay in bed."

He was back and gave her the books, which she began to thumb through as he headed for the shower, and then found her with her eyes closed and a book opened.

"Meredith…"

"Uhmmm…so sleepy."

He smiled and picked up the books and sat on the chair and began to read through them, and it was that image Meredith woke to about an hour later.

"Derek…aren't you coming to bed?"

"Hey," he said walking over to her, "you were sound asleep and I got caught up looking at these."

"Will you come to bed and hold me?"

"Best offer I've had all night," he teased.

"I'm sorry."

"What about?"

"I know you're frustrated," she said biting her lower lip.

"Remember what Kathleen said?"

"Yes."

"Talking…it's good…we've done well these last two weeks, but tonight was a really bad case of …"

"Hormones…" she said.

"Hormones…and jealousy…and childish…"

"Derek, you were never really jealous."

"Like hell I wasn't, though I had no rights to feel that way…"

"Derek, I don't think feelings are about rights…they're just there…"

He slipped in bed, and held her close to him. "Yes, they are just there, and never go away. Ever since the first day I met you, after I made love to you…and then I saw you again…I never wanted anyone else to touch you…"

"You are exaggerating…you did not feel that way the first time…"

"But I did, when I saw you at the hospital…and every time after that, all I could think of was making you mine…only mine."

"It took us a long time…well, we're still trying I guess…to get it right," she said.

"Hey, look at me, we've got it right…Meredith, we do…we're never going back…we have it right…I promise…hey, no tears, please…" he said as he kissed them away, and held her, and felt her cry softly into his shoulder.

She pulled away from him and locked gazes with him.

"Derek, do I make you happy?"

"What? Of course you make me happy, why would you ask that?"

She looked away, biting her lower lip, and the attempt to keep tears at bay was futile.

"I…I don't think I do…"

"Meredith," he soothed, "please tell me what you're thinking…of course you make me happy."

"Just that earlier you said… Mark might get married before…before us…"

"I was kidding."

"Yeah…"

"Hey…we promised…honestly…"

"Yes…we did," she said quietly.

"Meredith…"

"Maybe…maybe it's your way of delaying ours…maybe what you said it's a reflection of how you feel…unsure…"

"You think I'm unsure of wanting to marry you…"

"I'm not exactly…I'm not who your family would have picked…I mean, Kathleen's been great, but there's still that slutty intern and dirty mistress out there, and to prove Nancy right, I'm pregnant and we didn't plan that, and maybe she thinks you're stuck…but, you're not Derek, you're not…if you don't want to get married…I understand…I do…I won't be angry and I'd never keep the baby away from you…"

"Meredith, what's all this, why are you…never mind…I know why…but Meredith, you are without any doubt, none, whatsoever the woman I love…the love of my life, my soul mate…I want to spend the rest of my life with you…and that has nothing to do with you being pregnant…I promise you…I would feel, I have felt this way forever…you know that, I know that you do…what there is between us…Meredith, it's not because of a baby…it's because is was our fate…our destiny…and I know…you know that…"

"Derek," she cried, "I do…I do know…and I do love you…I have loved you for so long, and it took so long to trust myself to tell you again…but sometimes…it's overwhelming, and I'm scared, and I don't want…"

"You don't want what…"

"I don't want to ever imagine my life without you."

"You don't have to…I promise you…for as long as I'm alive…I will always be with you…and I know I have broken that promise to you in the past, but Meredith…we have got it right…we do…and it has not been easy, and it's likely that it will not be easy in the future, that life will deal us those unexpected cards Kathleen talked about, but Meredith, I'm not going anywhere…and I hope neither are you."

"Where would I go…" she asked sniffling.

"I don't know…" he said, and tried to make light of the situation, she had been through enough emotional turmoil today, "I'm wondering if I have to keep an eye on Mark…the two of you have really began to worry me…he's your knight…brings you special blends…you thought he was mcsexy…how could you…"

"Derek…" she said concern evident in her voice, "are you serious?"

"Meredith, I'm joking. I've told you, I trust you completely, and I do."

"Derek, I was just telling a story, I thought it was funny, but I never…I've never been interested in Mark."

"I know…but I was jealous, insanely so, when I saw him talking to you that day, and I didn't even know he had mentioned spending all day in bed."

"He didn't matter Derek. There was no reason…even when, well, you know, inappropriate men…there's only been you, ever in my heart…you're the only one I ever thought …I ever imagined wanting to spend the rest of my life with."

"Meredith, there's nothing I'd like more than for you to be my wife."

"You've never asked me Derek, not really…"

"I realize that…and I'm deeply sorry, because the day I told you I wanted to marry you, have kids with you…die in your arms at one hundred and ten…I never should have added a but to it…I should have simply said I'd wait for you, and I know I ruined what I said, what should have been a very romantic moment between us, in wine country…I know I ruined it."

"Derek…you can make it up to me…"

"I will…you're already promised you'll accept…"

"I will."

"I want to do this right Meredith, you deserve something special…not just words, though they were heartfelt…they were my dream for us…but you should not have heard them in the hospital hallway…and next time…there will be a ring…a ring that symbolizes my love for you…for always…"

"Derek…I don't need a ring…I just need for you to love me…to be there…to not give up on me…on us…"

"You already have that…for always."

"My love too Derek…for always," she whispered against his lips, and they both wanted desperately to give in to the passion they longed to share, "Derek, I want you so much…but…the baby, I'm not sure…the cramping and spotting I had before, and then today…we wait…just one more day."

"Hey…I've already told you…your wellbeing…you being healthy…and the baby, that's my first concern…we have time, Meredith, the rest of our lives to be together."

"Tomorrow…"

"Tomorrow…" he said and gently cupping her face in his hands kissed her tenderly, and then held her in his arms, gently caressing her, hoping she would drift off to sleep, and much needed rest.

"Derek..."

"Uhmm…"

"Are you asleep…"

"No, but you should be…"

"I took a nap, I'm not that tired now, and it's only eleven."

"You're younger than me…I'm tired."

"You are not, and I don't have to be up until seven."

"I'm old…but still younger than Mark," he laughed, "that was priceless, you calling him old."

"He was…is…but I didn't really think that."

"You tease, you did that purposely…ant the incredibly attractive comment, I gather you made that up as well…"

"No, that one was true…"

"You could have lied, just now you know…"

"Not very good idea…thought we were going to be honest from now on, plus we have to be the ones to set the example," she said, and lay back against the pillows, and brought his hand to her stomach, and he began to gently caress her.

"Derek, could you believe Kathleen & Mark… he's propositioned her, in front of her husband…and she doesn't mind…that was hilarious…"

"I can guarantee, if he's been that blatant in front of my brother in law, he'd have needed more than stitches," he laughed.

"Oh, so Kathleen's husband loves her more than you love me…."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…" she giggled, "I'm teasing you, I wanted to crack up when they were going on about how hot she still is…"

"Not what I want to think about in terms of my sister…though, at least I know they're joking, unlike Nancy."

"What do you mean?"

"She made some remark when she was here…about Mark being a rite of passage."

"Oh my God Derek," she laughed, "you mean Mchottie slept with Mark, that's priceless."

"I didn't say she did, but I'm pretty sure she did…Mchottie, where the hell did that come from?"

"You forget…how I met her…at your trailer…we naturally assumed…"

"We?"

"George and I…Mchottie…then, Izzie and I,after we met her," she said scrunching her nose, "Mcbitchy."

"Yeah, well, I don't really want to think of either of my sisters, any of my sisters and their hot sex lives, but Mcbithcy…yeah…it fit her when you met her."

"I never thought of you as a prude…I'm going to be that age sometime you know, and I expect you to think I'm still very hot ..."

"That's never going to be a problem, but we're talking about my sister…"

"Who really does look hot, Derek, she's beautiful."

"Yeah, she is beautiful…all the way around."

"I'm sorry you had to call her, but I'm really glad she's here. Derek, I really hope she likes me…I think she does."

"Of course she does, she's very genuine, what she's expressed is exactly who she is, you need to take it at face value."

"Derek, I've never had anyone…be that nice to me…motherly…kind of, but like a sister, and …it's nice…and comforting…"

"She is definitely like that, very loving and giving."

"Derek, I'm trying, really trying to trust…trust more people, but like now…doubts get in the way…but I want to try…I really do."

"I'm proud of you…I think you are doing great, with Lexie and Mark, and I'm really glad you've met Kathleen. I see the two of you together and I think you will be able to trust her."

"I already do…so I'm sorry, I said that earlier, because I don't think she's only being that way because I'm pregnant…Derek," she said, and he saw tears in her eyes, "she said she wanted to be my friend…and that she knew Jenna would be my favorite sister in law…"

"She said that, did she?"

"Well, by default, because Jenna's your favorite sister."

"But, she said that …from now on…that she would be my older sister," she took a deep breath and he saw the emotion, "she said that Derek…and that was special…very special…"

"It is special, and she does mean it. She sees how very special you are, not just because I love you, but because she recognizes you are truly an extraordinary woman."

"I love you Derek…so much…"

"I love you too Meredith," he said and leaned in to kiss her.

"Derek, I think Kathleen was right…"

"About what?"

"She said we had exhausted her, that she was emotionally exhausted by both of us."

"I kind of have to agree."

"Me too," she said, and smiled, "I'm sorry, about the hormones, but Derek, you weren't very nice tonight."

"Meredith, I understand, I do about the comment about Mark and getting married, but how did we let it get out of hand, all of a sudden you wanted to come upstairs, and I knew you were upset."

"You were not being nice about me telling the story about Mark, and you took it all wrong, and it didn't mean anything…and," she stopped, "Derek, hormones are a real bitch…we're going to have to, you know…just be aware of it…so we don't fight."

"We will, we have to hold each other in check," he said, and kissed her.

"Do you think Kathleen was serious, about everyone coming to our wedding…just the immediately family she said twenty three people, Derek, how many more people would come?"

"You'll never keep Mom and the sisters away, but the rest, we can manage, for our wedding, you can have whatever you want…as small or a big as you want."

"Do you…do you think…you want to do this…I mean…before the baby…"

"Yeah….I think that's a safe bet…but, Meredith…it's up to you…I'll ask…soon…very soon…but, it's up to you, whenever you're ready…that's when we'll get married."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You know how I hate surprise…"

"Yes…."

"Surprise me…when you ask me…surprise me…"

"Did you hear that…baby bear…" he said whispering to their baby, as he gently caressed her stomach, "your mommy is beginning to like surprises… and I think that has something to do with you…" he said and lightly kissed her stomach, "because before we found out about you…and you were a surprise…she didn't really care about them too much."

"Derek…just make sure you have a good gauge on hormones…when you ask…because the answer is yes…but, you never know," she said and they both laughed, and ended up in each other's arms again. Each touch, each caress, each kiss was as though a new thread was being woven into a tapestry whose images and design would speak of a legendary tale. A tale about to begin its first chapter of a lifetime of happiness, with unexpected sadness woven in a small corner of the cloth, but the rest of the panels fulfilled the hope and faith for the future and a dream that would bring the answer to childhood prayers long ago forgotten, and depict the love of legends, the life of a legendary couple.


	94. Chapter 94

_Broken – Lifehouse_

_I'm falling apart, I'm barely breathing  
With a broken heart that's still beating  
In the pain is there is healing  
In your name I find meaning  
So I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on, I'm holdin' on  
I'm barely holdin' on to you_

**Ch 93 – Broken hearts **

Derek silenced the alarm before it had a chance to go off, and held her in his arms as long as he could without waking her.

"Meredith," he whispered softly, "time to get up."

"Don't want to…"

"Neither do I, but you have to be at the hospital at eight."

"Wish I could stay in bed all day, Derek, I don't want to go to work today, I think, that's what I should do…stay home, in bed all day."

"Ok, we can do that," he said, humoring her and kissing her lightly on the lips, and holding her in his embrace.

"You're humoring me…don't lie to me."

"Just being supportive."

"I have to get up, I know."

"I'll fix you breakfast, and I'll drive you to the hospital."

"But, you're not working today."

"No, but you are, and I'm going to drive you, and I can do some work before your doctor's appointment."

"I need to get up now…baby Shep is insisting."

"What does baby Shep want for breakfast," he asked as she got up.

"Anything, except Muesli."

"That's what you should have…start off the day with a healthy breakfast."

She came around his side of the bed, "Shepherd," she said, "don't push it," and kissed him.

"Good morning, Mama Bear…"

"You just better make sure…Derek, damn sure…I don't find out there's more bears on that island than you are letting on."

"Do you think, I'd do anything to put you or our kids in danger, Meredith, seriously?"

"No," she smiled, and kissed him, and pushed him back to lay on the pillows "and "Derek…"

"Yes…" he said pulling her down on top of him.

"If I'm Mama Bear…and we have baby bear, doesn't that make you…Papa Bear," she said as he captured her lips and rolled her on to her back.

"I guess it does…" he laughed, "and Papa Bear would never let anything happen to his cubs…so Mama Bear has nothing to worry about when they build their house."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too…both of you…" he said, and helped her get out of bed.

Meredith had a quick shower and breakfast, and they made it to the hospital before her eight o'clock briefing, and when she was done stopped by the nurse's station around nine.

"Morning ladies," she said, "have you seen Dr. Sloan, he owes me…"

"Owe you what Grey…" he said as he handed her a cup, and winked at her.

"This was it…I was especially looking forward to it this morning…" she smiled.

"Mer," he leaned close to her, "you know it's not coffee…it's chocolate."

"I know…I've been craving it since I got up this morning."

"Good morning Dr. Grey…Dr. Sloan…"

"Lisette, this is especially for you," he said handing her a cup of chocolate, "I owed Grey her coffee this morning, and she told me I should get you this."

"Thank you Dr. Sloan, that was very nice of you…thank you Dr. Grey, I really have been craving chocolate all morning, it really does wonders to fight off my morning sickness."

"Ok, something is wrong here. We know…why Tracy gets special treatment, but what are Steph and I chopped liver?"

"Amy Lynn, get pregnant, I'll bring you chocolate too," he teased her, while handing her the bag in his hand with three other cups of coffee.

"Bite you tongue, Dr. Sloan…and thank you for the coffee.

"Dr. Sloan, you really don't have to worry about getting us coffee, just because Tracy gets special treatment," Stephanie joked with him.

"Steph, don't let him off the hook so easily," Amy Lynn commented, "though, I really am just teasing, you don't need to get us coffee. But, speaking of special attention, where is Tracy, haven't seen since before you got here…or is that the reason you got here first," she taunted.

"You'll have to ask her…here she comes."

"What do you have to ask me?"

"Where the hell you've been for the last 30 minutes, but given the grin on Dr. Sloan's face, and the smile on yours..."

"Jealous Amy Lynn…" she answered.

"Damn right, I am…" she laughed, "just don't tell my husband."

"You, are the biggest flirt and tease, I've ever met," Mark told her.

"Wrong…" Meredith laughed, "that would be you!"

"Ok. I stand corrected," he laughed, and winked at Tracy, "have a good day, ladies, oh, wait, here comes Grey's better half."

"Morning ladies. Hey, how's your day going," he asked as he kissed her.

"Good…you?"

"Waiting for ten o'clock…" he said, taking her cup out of her hand and took a sip and smiled.

"Good choice Mark, I see you brought her what she wanted."

"I aim to please…just ask…Tracy about dessert last night."

"Mark Sloan, you are no gentleman, and that is not nice at all," Meredith told him, "Tracy, just ignore him, you don't have to answer that."

"It's ok, Dr. Grey, he needs an ego boost, because after his second helping, well…"

"Oh…you…are surely joking…you …"

"But, I told him, he's welcome to come by again tonight, maybe we'll try another dessert he enjoys better."

"There's always…other options….for dessert that is…" Mark told Tracy.

"You go right ahead and find that…" she answered coolly.

"I'll see you at eight," he said quietly, "we'll have to repeat the third and fourth…"

"I may even include dinner and dessert tonight, I hope your ego wasn't bruised…the third and fourth helpings were …well, I think I showed my appreciation last night…"

"You certainly did."

"Ok…we've heard more than needed, Meredith, do you have a few minutes," Derek asked and pulled her away.

"Derek, he is incorrigible," she laughed, "and she's not letting him get away with any crap, I love it."

"Don't even think about it…no matchmaking…"

"Let's just see what they do on their own…"

"Oh, please don't put that image in my head," he said, and felt a gentle punch on his arm.

"That's not what I meant," she laughed, "get your mind out of the gutter."

"Not for long…tonight…we should be able to … make up for lost time."

"We should," she said, "and I can't wait… what did you want to talk to me about?"

"I didn't," he said and opened the door to a supply closet.

"Derek, we just said…" she started, and he silenced her with a kiss.

"I just wanted to kiss you…and hold you, and tell you I love you."

"Oh…" she said breathlessly, "do that anytime…" and kissed him again, "now I have to go, since I have to take time for my doctor's appointment…I'll see you there."

They walked out of the room holding hands, and he kissed her lips before walking away.

It was almost ten o'clock when she came across Cristina and Lexie. "Mer, where have you been hiding? You were out of here early yesterday."

"Hi Cristina, something came up…and Derek's sister was coming over for dinner. I'll see you later, I'm running late for a consult," she smiled at Lexie, and mouthed, "see you afterwards."

Derek was waiting outside the doctor's office. "Hey, everything ok," he asked, holding her in a hug, and kissing her temple.

"Yes, but I'm nervous."

"I'm a little nervous too."

"You are?"

"I am…it's our first baby…and we're not doctor's right now…just excited parents."

"Oh my God, Derek…parents…we really are…that's what we're going to be, I had not thought about it, I mean, yes, the baby…and I'm pregnant, but it's forever…parents, and we have so much to learn, and I'm not good at this, I'm sure I'm not…"

"Breathe," he said, and when she did, he kissed her. "Let's go, Mama Bear…"

"I was here yesterday," she said to the receptionist, "and…"

"Yes, Jenna said to call her right away, so you did not have to wait, give me a second."

"Thank you," she said, as she fidgeted with her watch, and Derek reached out to hold her hand and led her to a seat.

"Meredith," he said, trying to distract her, "have you given any idea to what kind of fence you want around the house?"

"What?"

"The fence, for the house…on the cliff," he smiled at her.

"You're trying to distract me…"

"How am I doing?"

"Not sure I can think about that now, but you're lucky I'm not jealous…"

"Oh…why?"

"Those two women over there, they haven't taken their eyes off you…"

"Really," he smiled, "but you know you're the only one that matters to me…"

"I actually do know that…and you're very lucky, because if hormones and jealousy were bad yesterday," she smiled, "can you imagine those two combined from me?"

"It might be interesting…" he said as he gently caressed her hand with this thumb.

"Dr. Grey, you can go right in," the receptionist told her, and pointed to the door.

"Thank you," she said as they both got up and followed to an examining room.

"Dr. Grey, good morning, how are you feeling today?"

"Better, thank you, this is Dr. Shepherd."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Shepherd. Dr. Cameron is going to be with you in a few minutes, meanwhile Dr. Grey…we need you to change into this gown."

"Thank you, we do appreciate that you were able to fit Meredith in today."

"You're welcome, I was glad to help. I'm Jenna, if you need anything."

"That's my sister's name, she also happens to be pregnant, has two kids already, and now another one, sort of around the same time, we think around the same time," he rambled.

"I've my hands full with two for now…" she smiled, "go ahead and change Dr. Grey, we'll be back in a few minutes."

"Derek, you just rambled or babbled, I think…" Meredith smiled.

"Well, I admit, I'm nervous."

"Derek…

"Uhmmm…" he said and held her.

"I'm scared."

"Shhh…go ahead and change, and let's not get ahead of ourselves."

There was a light knock at the door a few minutes later before Jenna and the doctor walked in, and found Meredith sitting on the examining table, with Derek standing next to her.

"Good morning, Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, I'm Mike Cameron" he said, extending his hand to each of them, "I'm sorry I wasn't here yesterday, but Jenna filled me in on your visit, and I've already reviewed your file."

"Thank you…thank you for seeing me so quickly," Meredith told him, "I was really concerned yesterday, and even though I'm a doctor, I feel like I should know so much more about this, and I don't…and I was kind of a nervous wreck…"

"Let me put you a little at ease…this, I understand is your first pregnancy…"

"Yes."

"Even if you are a doctor, both of you are…right now, you're going to be parents…for the first time…I mean, Dr. Shepherd, do you have other children?"

"No, this is our first child."

"So, you have medical knowledge, but this is not your area of expertise, and believe me, when I had my first child, my wife, who is also a doctor, a pediatrician in fact, and I felt like complete amateurs."

"That's a bit reassuring, since that's the way we've been feeling…" Derek commented.

"It's perfectly normal, so right now, what I need is for Meredith to tell me what's been going on. But first, let me tell you, on this first visit, I normally do a full check up, just like an annual visit in, and we take it from there."

Meredith held Derek's hand and started with the reason for the visit the day before, how she had been feeling and the spotting and cramping and symptoms that led to buying a pregnancy test, and subsequent lab work and the dizziness again last night.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm going to ask that you wait outside," he said, and saw the look exchanged between Meredith and Derek, "that is normal, I like to do a regular check up, and as soon as I'm done, I'll ask you to come back in, and we'll discuss the issues related to the pregnancy, you can wait right outside, it's not going to take long."

"It's fine," Meredith told him.

When Derek was outside, Dr. Cameron discussed the exam with her, "we always do this on the first visit, and you'd be surprised how many women in the medical field ignore the basics of preventive medicine, so we start with a breast exam, do you normally do a monthly self exam?"

"Yes, and annual check up," she answered while he continued with the rest of the examination.

"Meredith, is it ok to call you by your first name, I normally do with all patients."

"Yes, of course."

"Jenna, why don't you call Dr. Shepherd back in."

Derek looked more nervous than Meredith, when he came in and went to stand by her side, and kissed her forehead.

"Dr. Shepherd, I was just telling Meredith, everything looks fine as far as her regular check up, her blood pressure is good, and we'll get her test results back in a few days. Now we can talk about the pregnancy, and you both need to feel free to ask me any questions."

"Ok," Derek answered.

"During the first visit, we normally don't do an ultrasound, but since Meredith has been concerned about her symptoms, we're going to do one today, which will give us a look at how the baby is developing…and hopefully put her at ease."

"You …you said…hopefully…" Meredith said quietly, and reached for Derek's hand.

"Just a figure of speech…but, I reviewed the lab work, and since you're pretty certain you're about seven weeks along, I want to get a definitive answer, and the transvaginal ultrasound will give us that."

"You…you….think there's something wrong," she said, and Derek saw the glimmer of tears and fear in her eyes.

"I want to make sure there is nothing wrong, and that's what we're doing today."

"Derek," she whimpered, squeezing his hand, "I…I'm…"

"I'm here…it will be ok," he said trying to reassure her and himself, and kissed her lips softly.

"I'm sure you've both seen these, we use the probe and it's covered with a condom," he said as he did so, and covered it with gel.

Derek kissed Meredith's forehead, and whispered, "I'm jealous…that probe's closer to you than I've been in weeks," and got her to smile.

"Meredith, this should not cause any discomfort, tell me if it does, and it's possible in the next day or two you could see some spotting, which would be normal, but I want you to let me know if it happens. Look at the monitor, we should see your baby…and Jenna is going to take some measurements of the sac, and will compare them again if we have any doubts about how far along you are."

"Any questions?"

"No," they both answered.

"Ok…let's look for Baby…is it Grey or Shepherd?"

"Shepherd," she answered, smiling at Derek.

"There you are…there's Baby Shepherd," he said pointing to the screen, "we certainly have a baby…and if you look closely," he said, but neither was paying attention to him, as their eyes focused on the screen and their eyes filled with tears.

"Derek," she said, "it's our …our baby…"

"It is…baby bear" he smiled, and kissed her quickly and focused back on the screen.

"Baby Shep, Derek…he's or she's…real…"

"Meredith, I think, you're probably right about the seven weeks…getting closer to eight now…and listen…"

"Derek," she whimpered, "listen…it's the heartbeat…Derek, our baby's heartbeat," she cried.

"Our baby's heartbeat," he said, completely amazed by the sound and image on the screen.

"If you look closely," Dr. Cameron told them, "this is the head…" and pointing out each detail, continued, "the tailbone, heart bulge…these small nubs are the arms starting to develop…"

"What…what's the heart rate?" Derek asked.

"About 112…"

Derek looked at him with concern, but did not voice it.

"Dr. Cameron, can you…can we take a picture, I know you can with the abdominal, but not sure…if with this…"

"Of course we can…we can have a picture," he said.

"Can…can you print two," she said.

"Yes, we can. I'm going to give you a few minutes to get dressed, and then I'll…"

"Can…can I just look …look at our baby…a few more seconds," she asked.

"Baby looks just about as old as his mom expected," he said, and let them look at the screen a little longer before completing the examination. "I'll see you in my office."

Derek and Meredith were left alone, and she sat up, and reached for him, and cried into his shoulder, "hey, you're supposed to be happy," he murmured, "but I can hear sadness in those tears," he said as he soothed her while caressing her back.

"Did you see Derek…our baby…how baby Shep is growing…little hands Derek…starting to form…and the heartbeat…" she said, and took a deep breath, "our unexpected baby….Derek, I love our baby so much…already…and…" she cried harder.

"Meredith, why are you crying, it's not happy tears…"

"They are, I'm happy…I am…but….but…" she hiccupped, "I think…Derek…I think…there's something wrong."

"We're going to talk to Dr. Cameron now, and you can ask him all your questions, but let's not think about something being wrong…ok…we just saw our baby…Meredith…a tiny little life we created…and I love our baby…very much…just as I love his Mom…more than I ever thought I could love someone…" he said, and tears filled his eyes.

"Derek…my gift," she said, touching the hearts on her necklace, "it was the most perfect gift you could have ever given me…and now…having heard the heart beat, this little heart…I will treasure this moment forever…but Derek…our baby…our surprise baby…that's the best gift…just when I thought…that…that…maybe we…it was over…our baby, Derek…our baby…just priceless."

"I love you Meredith…I our baby bear...and we can think of our baby…as our gift to each other…" he said full of emotion.

"I love you Derek…and baby Shep…" she said, as he held her a little longer, before they went to speak with Dr. Cameron.

"Meredith, Dr. Shepherd, as first time parents, you worry about a lot of things, there's lots of question, and I want you to know, I'm here to answer any of them, at any time. Now, as doctors, there's also the advantage that you have medical knowledge other couples do not."

"Dr. Cameron," she said, and reached out for Derek's hand. "You're scaring me."

"Meredith, I'm little concerned over the hCG levels, since you've mentioned you're pretty sure you're about seven weeks along, and the ultrasound confirms that."

"What do you mean," Derek asked.

"Your quantitative blood results give a good indication of the health of the pregnancy, and I think they may be a little low, so I'm going to ask that you we repeat your labs,

I need to that anyway, since they are under Maloney, and we really need them to show your name on our records."

"What exactly are you…are you saying…"

"These lab results are from 3 days ago, if we take them again, it will show me how they've changed, and right now at this stage of your pregnancy, the levels should double in about seventy hours, that's what I will be looking for."

"Ok…but, what if they don't?"

"We will deal with that then. For right now, we will have someone draw your blood before you leave."

"Can…can Derek do it?"

"Yes, Dr. Shepherd, can do it, but I would like it done today. Also, I'm concerned about the baby's heart rate."

"Oh, God…" she said, letting go of Derek's hand, and Derek saw the invisible wall of avoidance about to be raised.

"Meredith," Derek said and grabbed her hand again, "let's listen to him."

"It's good that we heard the heart beat, that's excellent, but at this stage, which you're about seven and half weeks along, I would prefer if it were closer to 120 beats."

"What…what…have I done wrong…" she said quickly, "what do I do…how do I keep my baby healthy…" she said panicking.

"There is nothing you have done wrong, we are just taking precautions, because of these conditions, and your earlier spotting and cramping, I just want to make sure that everything is ok. Right now, what I need is for you to stay calm, and get the blood work to the lab, and I will see you again tomorrow to discuss the test results, and depending on that, we will do another ultrasound in three days."

"Fine."

"Meredith, are you ok," Derek asked concerned not only about the baby, but her change in attitude.

"I'm fine Derek."

"Dr. Cameron, does she need to go home, should she rest?"

"Meredith," Dr. Cameron said, "are you listening to me?"

"Yes," she said a bit distracted, "of course."

"Dr. Shepherd asked a very good question, I don't think you need to go home, but I do think you should take it easy, don't over exert yourself, and if you feel any discomfort, cramping, spotting, I want you to come see me right away, or page me."

"Ok."

He looked at Derek and saw the concern, "Dr. Shepherd, do you have any questions, concerns?"

"I think you've answered our questions, thank you, we'll get her blood drawn right now, and…about her feeling faint and dizziness…what should she do?"

"That in itself is normal, but Meredith," he said, and paused for her to respond.

"Yes?"

"If you feel like yesterday, and aren't feeling well, Jenna told you, listen to your body, that's what you should do. If you need to lie down for a while, or go home, please do."

"Ok."

"I'm sorry, that I wasn't able to give you the news you expected, but, we are taking the necessary precautions, and there's no reason to think everything will not turn out to be just fine, but I have to take all these precautions."

"Thank you, Dr. Cameron," she said, "I understand."

"I'll see you tomorrow, to discuss your test results. We'll call you when we get them, and you can come in, don't worry about making an appointment, I will see you both tomorrow," he said, and handed Derek an envelope, and shook his hand.

When they were outside, he reached for her hand, and he felt the resistance, but she did not pull away from him, as they walked to a hospital examining room equipped for him to draw her blood.

"Meredith," he said when she sat on the table, and he came to stand next to her, "I know you're scared…"

"I'm fine Derek," she said, and her coldness angered him for a fraction of a second, but his main concern was her emotional vulnerability.

"You're fine," he said, and locked gazes with her.

"I have no choice."

"You do…you can tell me how you really feel," he soothed, holding her hands.

"Nothing will change, I need to deal with it. I'm fine."

"Meredith…"

"Yes…"she barely whispered.

"I'm not fine."

"Oh, Derek, please…don't do this to me… please…I can't fall apart."

"Yes…yes we can…we just have to be there for each other," he said, and she saw his pain, and embraced him, and sobbed.


	95. Chapter 95

_For Always – Josh Groban _

_From this day on I'm certain that I'll never be alone  
I know what my heart must have always known  
That love has a power that's all its own_

**Ch 94 – Heartache **

They held on to each other and he let her cry, each sob breaking his heart, as he too felt the sense of imminent loss.

"Meredith, please…don't cry anymore, I know…I know…it's heartbreaking right now," he whispered tenderly, "because my heart is breaking right along with yours, but please…don't cry…it's only going to upset you more…and we don't know…we won't know until tomorrow…if anything is wrong."

"Derek..." she said, pulling back to look at him, and biting her lower lip she locked gazes with his and they saw each other's pain and sadness reflected, and her tears continued to flow.

"It's ok, it's going to be ok…"

"You…we…we don't know that…"

"No, we don't know, you are right about that," he said, and brought his hands to cup her face, and kissed her gently, "we don't know that it's going to be ok…but, there's one thing I do know, and that is that I love you, and that is never going to change, and I know you love me, and whatever we have to face, we will deal with it together, and that is something…that we cannot forget."

"Derek…" she said, and continued to cry… "I couldn't….I couldn't…keep…keep my baby safe"

"Your baby…" he said, and looked at her with overwhelming sadness, "it was our baby before…and now…it's your baby…"

"Oh…no…please…I did not mean it like that…it's just…I'm…Derek, it's my baby…inside of me…to love and to nurture…and I failed…and that's not your fault…it's all mine…I couldn't even do this right…I failed you again…and our baby…Derek, I've failed our baby…" she sobbed, as he gathered her close.

"You have not failed me…or our baby…"

"How…how can you say that?"

"Meredith, we are both doctors…and though neither of us has dealt with a pregnancy before…we do know…these things happen, but, what we don't know is what is wrong, or if in fact if anything is wrong with our baby…"

"Derek…I know…I do…"

"Why?"

"Remember…my feeling…yesterday…maybe this was it…"

"Can't we just wait…have a little hope…and wait…till tomorrow…till we see the doctor again," he asked her, caressing her face, and kissing her softly, tasting the tears on her lips.

"I don't…I don't want to get my hopes up…and then…"

"Why don't we just wait…please…do this for me…a little hope…"

"For you…"

"For me and," he choked back tears, "and baby bear…" he said placing his hand protectively on her stomach, and both embraced each other and cried.

"Derek," she said softly, "I think…it's going to be hard…I hope there's nothing wrong…but…the waiting…while we wait…don't let me turn you away, please, because today…that was my first reaction…but I need you…I need you so much."

"I noticed…and I'm not letting you turn me away…ever again…don't ever forget that."

"I love you, Derek…no matter how I may fight it…don't let me."

"Meredith, I promise you this…from this day forward…I will never let you be alone."

"Promise…for always…"

"For always…our love is going to get us through this…whatever life has in store for us…I'll be here."

"Even when I forget…and I push you away…" she said looking at him with hope and despair at the same time.

"Especially when you are pushing me away."

"Derek…do you want me to promise you too…that I won't let you push me away…"

She heard his broken sob and reached out to him, and held his face to her breast, "please…promise me too."

"Derek…I promise, for always."

They held each other, until she felt the vibration of her pager. "It's…Bailey, I didn't know she was back."

"Let me take care of it," he said, as he pulled himself away from her, and kissed her gently.

He dialed an extension, and soon had a call back. "Miranda, it's Derek, glad to see you're back. How's Tuck? Good, good. Listen, I'm with Meredith, she just got your page, can you give us about half an hour, it's important. No, Miranda, it's serious. Yes, I'll talk to you then."

"Are you going to tell her?"

"Yes, unless you don't want me to. But, I think she needs to know, you're under her supervision."

"It's ok. Will you talk to her?"

"Would you like for us to talk to her together?"

"I don't know."

"Think about it, while I do this," he said and gathered what he needed to draw her blood.

When he had finished, he gathered the tubes and put them aside, extended his hand to her, and led her to the sink, "wash your face, and we can go see Miranda, or you can get back to work, or you can go home."

"You think I should go home?"

"No, I'm giving you the options of what you can do."

"I…I think I want to work, but…Derek, do you think I should go home?"

"Dr. Cameron told you, just listen to your body…do you feel you want to go home, get some rest?"

"I think I'm ok…and if I'm here I'll be distracted."

"Meredith, you realize, once this lab work goes in…the hospital is going to know you're pregnant."

"I know."

"Do you want me to use Maloney again?"

"Dr. Cameron said he needed blood work with my name, for my chart."

"Yes, but if you want, we can wait…he's going to have to do tests again."

"Derek…you asked me to have hope…"

"I did…"

"Are you giving up hope?"

"Why would you say that?"

"You think…there may not be the need…for more tests…to use my name…"

"I'm not going to lose hope, I just want you to know that once I take these in, there's no more secrets, not at this hospital."

"Derek…I don't care… there is supposed to be confidentiality of patient information, and before, till we saw the doctor, I wanted to wait….but now…I'm pregnant, with our baby…and no matter what happens, I'm not going to keep our baby a secret…I may not be ready to tell everyone, not till we know…but I'm not going to…I can't deny our baby exists…that we have hope for our baby…I owe our baby that…"

"Let me go drop these off, I'm going to ask the head of the department to handle it personally. We can try to avoid the speculation, give you time to decide who you want to tell."

"That might work, but Derek, even if there's rumors… we don't have to confirm them," she smiled, "till we're ready."

"That's true."

"I'll meet you at your office?"

"Yes, page Miranda to meet me there," he said, and kissed her then reached for her hand as they left the examining room and headed for the elevators.

It was not everyday the head of one of the top departments in the hospital personally visited the lab, and asked to speak with his counterpart, and after the conversation took place was assured the matter would be handled personally and with the utmost confidentiality.

Derek, did not want to keep the news of their child a secret, but until the test results were completed and Meredith's next ultrasound took place, he did not want the news all over the hospital, making it harder for her to deal with any potential mishap.

Meredith was sitting on his couch, deep in though when Derek walked in, quickly followed by Miranda Bailey.

"Well, if this isn't a surprise. Grey, I did not expect you to be here."

"Dr. Bailey, it's good to have you back," Meredith told her, "how's Tuck?"

"He's doing just fine, just fine. And he's starting day care, right here, and that's going to make me feel a lot better, knowing he's just a couple of minutes away."

"That's really good Dr. Bailey, I'm really glad everything worked out so well, so quickly with him."

"Thank you Grey, now Shepherd, cat got your tongue?"

"Dr. Bailey…we…we, Derek and I…needed to speak with you."

"That's fine, Grey, but from what I've heard, just in the four hours I've been back, I understand congratulations may be in order."

"What? Why?"

"Grey, surely you know what the rumor's mill gossiping about you…"

"There's so many…" Derek muttered.

"Well, according to your friend Sloan, he's going to be bestman at your wedding."

"Oh, that."

"Oh, that, Shepherd, what the hell's wrong with you, are you or aren't you getting married?"

"We are, but we haven't set a date yet."

"Grey, let me see the ring?"

"Uh…uhmmm, I don't have a ring yet."

"What, what do you mean you don't have a ring?"

"I haven't proposed."

"Let me get this straight, you're getting married, it's all over the hospital, Sloan is spreading the news like wildfire that he's your bestman, and you haven't proposed?"

"That's about right," Derek commented, and before he knew it the dynamo in front of him, had reached his side, and smacked him on the head, "what the hell's wrong with you?"

"Crap, that hurt."

Meredith could not help but smile as Derek brought his hand to his head, and rubbed the spot where Miranda had hit him. "It's ok Dr. Bailey, we both understand…"

"No, Grey, it's not ok. This man intends to marry you, he better do better than he has so far, get her a damn ring, Shepherd and stop being stupid."

"Miranda, we are getting married, and I half proposed, so I have to do it right…and I will, and Meredith and I are very clear in what we both want."

"You sure about that?"

"Yes," they replied simultaneously.

"What do you need to talk to me about, and why is my intern needing a half hour with her fiancé instead of doing the job's she's supposed to be doing."

"She's pregnant."

"Derek!"

"What, it's the truth," he said.

"You don't just blurt it out…"

"He does Grey, he' a man, and he's just stupid."

"Miranda…"

"Hush…oh my…that was it…before I left, the day of Tuck's surgery, the vulnerability I saw….Grey, you were pregnant," she said, with just a hint of emotion barely seen.

"Dr. Bailey," she said, and reached for Derek's hand, "we just went to the doctor, and there may be something wrong," she said softly.

"Meredith, oh, I'm sorry, so sorry," she said and sat down across from them, "who is your doctor, and why does he think there's something wrong?"

Meredith and Derek both explained the situation and were met with complete silence.

"Well, first thing we're going to do, is make sure you are under as little stress as possible, and that means you are going home now, and you can come back here tomorrow to visit Dr. Cameron, who is an excellent doctor by the way, but more so someone I like and admire as a professional and on a personal level, until he tell us this baby is ok, I don't want to see you around here."

"Dr. Bailey, I can't…I can't just take off…"

"Grey…shhh…" she said holding up her hand to silence her "you don't have an option, I'm telling you, you are going home, you were dizzy and faint yesterday, and you just got this news, you're mind is in no shape to work…and I don't want residents making errors."

"Dr. Bailey, really, if I go home, it will make it worse…it will be all I'm thinking about…"

"Then don't go home, you're not on bed rest, just hospital rest…until I say otherwise…so go shopping, go sightseeing…didn't I hear Shepherd's sister is in town…go out with her, go engagement ring shopping… have lunch, dinner…but you're leaving the hospital…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith, I'm not disagreeing with her, she already things I'm stupid."

"You may just redeem yourself after all, Mcdreamy…and all…but don't hold your breath."

"I appreciate this Miranda, we both do."

"Dr. Bailey…what…what are the other's going to think…we haven't told anyone…well Mark and Lexie know."

"Sloan knows…and you think the hospital doesn't know?."

"He's the godfather…he's taking this very seriously."

"How long has he known?"

"Three days…"

"I'm amazed…Sloan has some depth to him, the man can be trusted…if he cares…and he obviously does."

"He's been wonderful Dr. Bailey…he really has."

"Grey, Yang doesn't know, and the others?"

"No, we really did just find out…and we …I didn't want to say anything until I had my first doctor's visit, which now…it seems…it was a good idea…"

"Meredith," Miranda told her, "no more of that talk…you are going to be positive, and until we get your test results back…you just worry…no, not worry…you just take care of yourself and this baby."

"Thank you Dr. Bailey."

"Don't thank me," she said gruffly, as she got up, "just do as I say," and walked over to Meredith, and surprised her by leaning down and hugging her.

"You…" she pointed at Derek who was now standing, "make sure she does not over do it, and remember hormones are all over the place right now, so don't be stupid."

"Thank you Miranda," he smiled.

"You remember…in the clinic, what I told you…about the important things in life?"

"Yes," he said.

"This is it," she said, and hugged him, "don't forget it, I did, and it may be too late, though I'm determined to fight back."

"I've no doubts, you will succeed," he said hugging her back, "thank you."

"Grey," she said as she reached the door, "get out of here, go change and leave this hospital within the half hour."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

"Damn stupid fools," they heard her mutter as she walked away, and Derek and Meredith found a reason to laugh for the first time in hours.

"I'll meet you at the resident's lounge in fifteen – twenty minutes?"

"Twenty minutes, I've got to wrap up some charts."

"Meredith, are you ok?"

"Yes, I'm fine…no, I'm good…much better."

She paged her interns, and explained something had come up and she would be back tomorrow and after giving them instructions, told them they would be working with Dr. Bailey and should be on their best behavior as they were lucky to be working with her.

She had already changed back to her street clothes, when all of the morning's emotions caught up with her again, and she buried her face in her hands and cried softly, and that was how Cristina and Lexie found her.

"Meredith, what's wrong," Lexie asked as she quickly reached her side, "are you ok, what's happened?"

"Lexie, let me talk to her, I knew this was too good to last, what the hell has he done now?"

"Dr. Yang…Cristina…no…it's not that…I know…she's upset…"

"Three, I know she's upset…I have eyes…I'm not stupid, but I damn well knew this was going to happen again. Meredith, what the hell is wrong with you, that you don't see that this man is absolute poison for you, has been since the first godforsaken day you met him… he does this over and over again"

"Stop, just stop," Meredith screamed at her…" "just stop…you say you are my friend, and all you do is say hurtful and hatful things about him…"

"What the hell am I supposed to say, when that is all he does to you, hurt you…look at you, this is beneath you…"

"Cristina, Dr. Yang stop …stop it… this had nothing to do with Derek…" Lexie tried to interject.

"Of course it does, he is the only reason you will ever see her like this…broken and …"

"What in the hell is going on here," he said and rushed to Meredith's side, "what's wrong, you were ok a few minutes ago, Meredith…"

"What's wrong," Cristina snapped at him, "you are what's wrong…when are you going to leave her alone and let her go on with her life, instead of making her miserable…over and over…"

"Dr. Yang," he yelled, "you will stop this now…and if I ever hear you say or do anything that upsets Meredith again…you will have me to answer to…"

"Oh, this is just priceless…you fuck her over…and it's my fault…"

"Dr. Yang," he yelled, "that is enough! I'm sick and tired of your bitter, hateful comments, that do nothing but upset Meredith, no matter how hard she tries to over look this, it hurts her…and you continuously refuse to see that we are working on our relationship, that I love her, and I'm committed to making our relationship work.. that she is too…that she loves me… that we want a life together, and just because you are not capable of that…that you do not value that which we are both working tirelessly to preserve does not mean you can continue to treat her the way you do…I am part of her life, I am going to remain part of her life…and she has asked you repeatedly not to make her choose, but each time you do this…each time you fail to recognize that I love her, that I am doing the best I can to make up to her all that which I have wronged…each time you feel you need to spill your poison and make her feel like shit…it's not me your hurting, damn you…it's her…and I will no longer allow you to that…if you are her person…you would not do this…you would not fail to see that we want and need to be together…and I am going to do whatever it takes to protect her from you venomous tongue…"

"You have no concept of what it is to love her…not when you have given her nothing but lies and heartache…"

"Stop it…Cristina, just stop," Meredith yelled at her. "He is right, please…just stop."

"Meredith, you're not going to tell me…" Cristina started.

"Dr. Yang, leave this room immediately," he yelled.

"Derek, stop…please…just take me home."

"Meredith, I cannot believe…"

"Dr. Yang, leave this room now, or you will be suspended for insubordination."

"You can't do that."

"Just try me."

Cristina did not leave, and stood her ground, "Meredith."

"Just leave."

"Fine. Dr. Grey, we have work to do."

"I'll…I'll be right there…" Lexie said, still sitting besides Meredith.

"Now."

"I just…I want to see if Meredith…"

"Now."

"Dr. Yang, leave this room," Derek barked. "Dr. Grey will be right out."

"Meredith, are you ok, what happened? Are you in pain?"

"No, Derek…just take me home…please."

"Ok, we'll go home, but you may want to talk to your sister," he said, glancing at a visibly upset Lexie.

"I'm ok…really, I just don't understand Cristina."

"Meredith, I know she was wrong, but when we walked in, you were crying."

"I know…"

"You were crying, Meredith, what happened," Derek insisted as he sat next to her.

"I'm ok, I promise," she told him, and kissed him lightly, "nothing's changed, just everything caught up with me, and when Cristina and Lexie walked in I was crying, she just jumped to her own conclusion…as always…"

"Meredith…why were you crying," Lexie asked, "what did you mean?"

"It's nothing…Lexie, just hormones…and…it's nothing…we can talk, later…when you get off work…come by the house…"

"You're still not feeling well, like yesterday?"

"Something like that," she said wiping away her tears, "I'll see you later?"

"Yes…I'll be by right after work."

"Ok, thank you," Meredith said, and hugged her sister.

"Mer, are you ok…really…"

"I will be…"

"Derek…you…you'll take care of her?"

"Yes…Xena…" he attempted to joke.

"Derek…"

"It's fine Lexie…the two of you can talk later."

"Meredith," he said as he held her in his arms, "I'm sorry…I tried…but I couldn't keep quiet any more…I saw you…heard her…and I couldn't keep quiet, but I know I just hurt you.too with what I said…I know she is your friend, and she has been there for you in the past, and I am sorry."

"It's ok…what you said it's true. She needs to accept that you're in my life…and if she makes me choose, I will miss her…I will miss the friend I came to love, but…I won't have her treat you like she does…not anymore."

"I'll talk to her…I will…I'll talk to her, and try to work things out."

"You don't have to," she said.

"I do…because, you would be happier if she's in your life."

"I love you Derek Take me home."

"I love you too," he said, and held out his hand, and they walked out together.

**_6/1/08 Author's Note_**

_This author's note is probably as long as an update, but I felt it was important._

_Thanks to everyone that has patiently been reading this story, which I had absolutely no idea would ever reach this many chapters, nor take this long to tell. I'm writing this, because, when I read stories, I hate to be taken by surprise in the development of a story, and it is for this reason, I hope I have done a good job foreshadowing._

_I've mentioned a few times, I began to write this after dissatisfying end to season 3, and the many unanswered issues between Meredith and Derek, so I thought, it would be my_

_"therapy" to deal with those issues and write about it…but the idea for the story began exactly at the point it is right now…the events about to unfold gave me the idea, and I wrote a few scenes, and then went back and began chapter one. The chapter you just read, Broken Hearts, if you note has a lyrics from "Broken by Lifehouse" it is the song that played at the end of 4.11, and the scene in which it plays, is where this story began._

_I have tried to develop the characters and their story to the point that Meredith and Derek could deal with anything that comes their way, and they will. I also introduced Kathleen, and the relationship with Mark and Lexie, so that all those bonds of family and friendship that help us in life to deal with those unexpected moments of sadness and happiness, are shared with those we love._

_Thanks to all the readers that have stuck with this story, and for those of you who comment, my heartfelt appreciation, for you truly inspire me to spend weekend days writing two or three updates not to leave you hanging. When I started, I disliked Derek intensely, and it was so difficult to write about him, but slowly…McDreamy returned…at least for me, McDreamy in this story was redeemed, and he's still willing to do more, for the love of his life._

_To the FAB4 & Jenna, you have been amazing. Your enthusiasm keeps me motivated, and even if it's just the five of you that want to read the ending…I will finish it. Your behind the scenes support has been instrumental in writing this story…each and everyone of you know why! T, SC extraordinaire, truly! AL, you have been invaluable leading up to Mer's visit to Dr. Cameron. L…you're feedback is priceless., S we have to stop writing scenes for each other's story!_

_This paragraph from Ch 92 – Legendary Couple, summarizes the story of Meredith and Derek I meant to write, and their dreams do come true. Thank you for reading, and indirectly…to Shonda for having created Meredith & Derek!_

_**"Derek…just make sure you have a good gauge on hormones…when you ask…because the answer is yes…but, you never know," she said and they both laughed, and ended up in each other's arms again. Each touch, each caress, each kiss was as though a new thread was being woven into a tapestry whose images and design would speak of a legendary tale. A tale about to begin its first chapter of a lifetime of happiness, with unexpected sadness woven in a small corner of the cloth, but the rest of the panels fulfilled the hope and faith for the future and a dream that would bring the answer to childhood prayers long ago forgotten, and depict the love of legends, the life of a legendary couple.**_


	96. Chapter 96

_For Always – Josh Groban_

_You take my hand  
though you may be so many stars away  
I know that our spirits and souls are one  
We've circled the moon and we've touched the sun  
So here we'll stay_

**Ch 95 – Three souls **

They drove to her house in silence, her hand in his, fingers entwined and every so often gently squeezed by one or the other.

There was so much to say. So many emotions whose voices hungered to be heard, but they had reached that moment, that overwhelming moment of transformation and peaceful acceptance, when in the midst of their world beginning to unravel, all they needed was a gentle touch offering comfort and safety and healing, until they could face the inevitable moment when they would both fall apart.

He walked around to open her door and reached for her hand while she offered a gentle smile, though deep sadness filled her eyes as he leaned in and touched her forehead with his, and then brushed her lips with his.

They walked slowly to her front door and when he'd closed it behind them, she leaned against him and simply whispered, "hold me," and he did, for long minutes, until he pulled away, and led her to the couch, where he settled her back against his chest, and wrapped his arms around her and they held each other in complete silence.

"Derek," she said softly, "I'm scared."

"What are you scared about?"

"I don't want anything to go wrong…but…if it happens…I'm scared, I don't know what to expect…how do I prepare for this, all the years of medical training…and now…if something is wrong…how do I cope with it...what do I do…"

"We said we'd hold on to hope…"

"I know," she said, and turned to look at him, biting her lower lip then lowering her gaze as tears filled her eyes, "I know," she whispered, and reached for his hand.

"There's more you're not saying," he said as he gently lifted her chin and their eyes met.

"There is…"

"Tell me…share your sadness with me…"

He heard a quiet broken sob, "my heart…Derek…my heart is filled with sadness…"

He kissed her tears away, "so is mine…but…we don't know…we don't…know that all hope is lost…"

"Derek…can you imagine…how it feels…" she whimpered, "to know you only are responsible for nurturing…and loving this tiny little being…inside of you…and that you didn't…that you failed to keep…this little unexpected…this part of you and me, Derek… and to know I failed to keep our baby safe…and healthy…"

"No, I can't imagine," he said honestly, "but I do know one thing…"

"What…" she asked softly.

"I know that our baby…since you found out…" he said, and gently caressed her abdomen, "has been loved…and is wanted so badly…that there's been nothing but joy…in your heart about our unexpected and wonderful surprise…"

"I love our baby…Derek…I do…when …I never…ever imagined how I would feel about kids…about having a baby…and then…we found out…we had…baby bear…"she smiled, while crying at the same time. " I found out what it felt like to love someone so much…so unconditionally…and my heart is breaking…Derek…it is…I thought…" she paused, "I thought…I knew what that was like before…but now…the possibility…just the possibility…I didn't keep our baby safe…it's breaking my heart…and I know…it's hurting you…and…if that happens…I know…you may…you may want…" she stopped, as tears continued to slide down her cheeks.

"What do you know…what do you think I may want …"

"You may…you may want to turn away from me…" she said, turning away and avoiding meeting his gaze.

He inhaled sharply and turned her face to look at him, "Listen to me…" he said, gently

cupping and caressing her face while pushing stray hairs away, "I don't know why you are feeling this way, why you think I would turn away…well, maybe I do…because I have not been very reliable in the past…but I can promise you I am never going to turn away from you…we are in this together…and we have to learn to trust each other in every way…trust each other not to turn away…but most important, trust and believe that no matter what happens, we are going to deal with things together, and never doubt we will. Meredith, we will get through this…and anything else life throws our way…the bad…and the sad…and the joys…but most of all…we have to trust that you and I are meant to have a lifetime of love to share…because I have no doubts about that…not one single doubt…"

"But…Derek…if…if I lose our baby…" she cried softly, "it will be my fault…Derek…and our baby…" she continued to cry quietly in his arms.

"Meredith," he said, kissing her softly, " I have seen you…I have felt your emotions since we found...and I know that there's never been a baby more loved by its mom than ours…and if for any reason…any reason at all…there is something wrong….it has nothing to do with anything you did…I know that, not only as a doctor," he paused, to get his emotions in check, "but as our baby's dad."

"Oh, Derek…" she said, tears pooling in her eyes, "you were going to be a dad…and I was going to be a mom…"

"Hey, we don't know that it's all over…we have to wait, till we see Dr. Cameron tomorrow, and then in three days…he said we'd do another ultrasound."

"I'm sorry…this is hard…so hard…and our baby…Derek…our baby…"

"And our baby…what Meredith…do I think what…" he said so very gently, and looked deeply into her eyes.

"Do you think …Derek…do you think our baby has a soul …do you think baby Shep knows how much love we felt…how much he…or she is loved…"

He had tried to be strong for her, tried to keep his own tears at bay, but to hear the heartache in her voice, and hear her talk about their baby's soul make him lose his constraint.

"I…I …I think," he said, to choked up to speak, "I think, baby Shep…has a beautiful soul…and knows how much his mommy and daddy love him...or her…no matter what happens…always will…no matter what happens Meredith, our baby's soul will always be a part of us…three souls…three hearts…that became just one…for always…"

She cried at his words, at the beautiful choice of words to express the sadness and love in their hearts, and she knew she would never love him more that at that moment and she knew that their love for each other would get them through whatever the future held.

She brought his hand to rest on her abdomen and laid her hand on top of his.

"I'm still going to hope…I am…that baby bear…is safe…"

"Baby bear is very lucky…to have such a beautiful Mama Bear looking out for him…and people that already love him…his godfather and godmother…and his wise aunt Kathleen…and mean gruff bear Miranda…"

"And…" she said, kissing him, "especially his Papa Bear…"

"Thank you," he said, and she saw the raw vulnerability and the depth of and meaning her words had conveyed.

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Do you…do you pray?"

"Not as much as I should…"

"Will you pray with me now," she said, and undid his resolve, as they reached for each other and held one another in peaceful and painful silence.

They stretched out on the couch in each other's embrace, time standing still, until he felt the vibration of his phone and retrieved it to answer.

"Derek," he heard Kathleen say, "is everything all right? I expected to hear from you or Meredith."

"I'm sorry," he said, his voice low and slightly hoarse, "I forgot to call you, we…we had a bit of unexpected news."

"Derek…that doesn't sound good."

"We're not sure yet…Meredith has to go back to the doctor tomorrow."

"Oh, Derek, I'm so sorry."

"Yeah…"

"How is she? How are you?"

"We're coping…we're ok…" he said as he gently stroked Meredith's arm.

"Are you with Meredith? Is she working?"

"Bailey sent her home, Dr. Cameron didn't…but we're home."

"Look, I'm going to play tourist all day, and you two spend the day together."

"No," Meredith told him, having heard the conversation, "go spend some time with her."

"I'm not going to leave you."

"Derek, just tell her to get some rest, and I'll see you both, later tonight…"

She grabbed the phone from Derek, "Kathleen," she said, her voice a bit shaky, "I think…it would be good for Derek to spend some time with you…"

"Honey, he wants to be with you…"

"I know, I want to be with him too…but I think, you should spend some time together, and I'm going to take a nap…and you two can have lunch…and maybe, after that, you…if you don't mind…I could spend some time with you too," she said hesitantly.

"Of course I will spend some time with you…"

"I'm going to put Derek back on the phone…ok…and I'll see you later."

"Kathleen…I'm not sure…"

"Derek, give her some time…she needs some time…"

"I'm going to be fine…Derek…I'm going to get some sleep…that can't be bad…"

"Ok…Kathleen, where are you? I'll meet you in about an hour," he said and disconnected the call.

"Meredith, I don't really want to leave you."

"I really do want to get some sleep."

"You don't want me here?"

"I do…but, I do want to sleep…I'm tired…exhausted…and you can spend that time with your sister, and then come back here."

"Ok, do you want me to get you something to eat, before I leave?"

"No…maybe later."

"I'll walk with you upstairs," he said, and they went to her room.

Meredith changed into sweatpants and a t-shirt and got in bed, and he came to sit next to her. "Derek, Dr. Cameron gave you an envelope when we were ready to leave, what was it?"

He had forgotten about it, and retrieved from his inside coat pocket. Neither was ready for its content, as he opened and revealed two identical copies of their baby's sonogram.

"Oh…"she gasped softly, "oh my God…" and reached for the pictures.

"Meredith," he said with deep concern, seeing her emotional reaction.

"Derek...look…look at our baby…" she said, as her fingers gently traced the image, "it's a tiny miracle…"

"Yes," he said with deep emotion, "it is…it really is…"

"Derek…maybe…maybe…when we go tomorrow…things are better…the lab work, may show better HCG levels…and…in a couple of days…we could hear a stronger heartbeat…"

"That's what we're going to keep praying for…" he said.

"Yes…yes we are…faith," she said, "you asked me for that once, remember…"

"How can I ever forget…?"

"We had to wait a little…but…we turned out right…didn't we…even if took some time…" she asked filled with hope.

"We turned out just right…"

"Isn't it amazing…" she said, still holding the picture, "how tiny they are…and then they grow…and…it's amazing…truly a miracle of life.." she said, as she kissed him, and he saw the tears in her eyes.

"Meredith, are you going to be ok…staying here…Kathleen would understand."

"I will be fine…"

"You know I'm not very fond of that word…"

"I am going to be ok…I'm going to sleep and when you get back…I will be just fine."

"Uhmmm."

"Derek, before you go, there's something more I want to talk to you about…something that's bothering me…"

"What…what's wrong?"

"Nothing wrong…well, there is…but not really…"

"What?"

"In the lounge…Cristina…earlier today…"

"I'm sorry… I told you…I am truly sorry, it was my responsibility to make sure you were not made more upset."

"No, Derek. I don't want you to say you're sorry, I think you were right, in many of the things you said…and Cristina had no right to say the things she did, and I've tried, I have…to make her understand, but she doesn't, and I just want you to know, that it will never be acceptable for her to treat you like that again."

"Meredith…it's ok…I understand how she is…I do…and I know she has your best interest at heart, I do know that, I just wish she was more sensitive to your needs."

"Derek, I do mean it… if she wants to continue to be my friend, she needs to stop."

"Hey, I'm going to talk to her…"

"No, you don't have to, it's between us, Cristina and I will have to work it out."

"Meredith, I know I upset you today…and I want to make sure it doesn't happen again."

"Derek…really, she needs to understand…if she wants to be my friend…"she said, and he heard and saw the sadness she expressed.

"You need your friend, Meredith…even if she's not living up to your expectations right now…she's been there for you, many times…especially when I wasn't…"

"Derek…we're ok…the two of us…and I'm not going to allow her to undermine what we've accomplished…what these last two weeks have meant to me…to us…to our future together…that's what I want you to know…that no matter what, you are my priority."

"I love you…I love you more than you can possibly imagine…"

"I can…I can imagine…because it's as I love you…"

"You need your friends…and that includes Cristina…and Alex, Izzie…and George…and I'm not going to interfere with those relationships…"

"Derek…they are important…they've been my family…but now…they need to accept you…they need to accept us…"

"They will…I know they will."

"I just wanted you to know…what you did today…what you said…standing up for me…nobody's done that for me Derek…you're the only one…"

"That's what I'm here for…" he said, and tried to bring a bit of lightness to the conversation, "though lately…I'm begging to wonder if I have competition…"

"What?" she asked a bit confused.

"Your other 'knight'…" he said, and it brought a smile to her face.

"My other knight is a manwhore…" she laughed.

"Well then, maybe I don't have competition…"

"Derek, there's never been any…since I fell in love with you…since the day I knew I loved you…"

"Since you fell in love with me…when?"

"The day I took your hand…on faith…and we opened our hearts and souls to loving each other…for a lifetime."

_AN 6/4 - THANK YOU!! You were incredibly gracious with the number of comments._


	97. Chapter 97

**Ch 96 – Healing bonds **

Derek, who was sitting on the side of the bed facing her, took her hand and first brought it close to his mouth, placing his lips softly on her, and then leaned in, and gently brushed her lips.

"We've had many magical moments," he said, "in and around that trailer…that land..."

"We have…" she said, and raised her hand to the back of his neck pulling him closer and kissing him, "and can you imagine…how many more we'll share…the rest of our lives?"

"That night," he said, "that first night I took you there…was our beginning," he told her."

"Our beginning…" she said with a bit of melancholy.

"Meredith…you ok?"

"Yes."

"Not too convincing."

"It feels like that was so long ago…so much has happened…"

"But…here we are together…"

"Another beginning…" she said, and looking at him whispered softly, "almost Derek…our baby…almost had a new beginning…"

"Hey…we agreed…we're not giving up hope…"

"No…we won't," she said placing her hand on her abdomen, "I won't."

He placed his hand over hers and smiled, "hey, baby bear…you are one very lucky baby…you know...because when we finally get to meet you…I get the feeling your mommy is going to spoil you rotten."

"Oh, Derek," she said softly, "I hope so…I hope I get to spoil him…or her…"

"We will," he said and leaned to kiss her, and she deepened their kiss allowing all her emotions, the fear, the hope…the love she felt him to be expressed.

"I don't want to let you down…"

"You won't…"

"I already have…"

"Meredith, I know there's lots of hormones talking…but look at me," he paused, raising her chin and meeting her gaze, "you have not let me down…"

"I feel, sometimes…I feel as though I can't do anything right…I'm always failing you Derek…even today, after seeing the doctor…we were supposed to celebrate…there was so much…and I can't even do that…"

"Do you honestly believe that matters to me right now?"

"I know it doesn't, but, still…I let you down, because I should have been ok Derek, there should not have been anything wrong, damn it…we should be a normal couple, in love…expecting a baby…celebrating…making love…"

"Meredith, I really… truly hope, you don't think that sex matters to me right now, that you know nothing is more important to me than you being ok...that it doesn't matter how long we wait…"

"It's just that…I feel like a failure…as a mom…well I haven't made it to mom yet…and as a woman…the most natural thing in the world…and I wasn't able to do that either…"

"You," he said, and held her face in his hands, "as a woman…fulfill my every need…every desire…" and kissed her, "and you are already a mom…whatever happens…you are the very best of moms…and no baby could ever hope for more…"

"Do you…do you really believe that…"

"With all my heart…"

"Thank you…" she said, tears brimming, "I needed to hear that."

"You will never get tired of hearing it, because Meredith, I love you, every bit of you…every single thing about you…and as for being a mom…you are…and will be the best there is…and I know that our kids will think that too."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Our kids…they'll…they'll also think they have the best dad in the world," she said reaching for his hand, and both saw the same emotions reflected in each other's eyes.

"We'll have that…Meredith, we will…" he said and kissed her tenderly before holding her in his embrace.

"You should go…"

"I really can stay…"

"Go, have lunch…and I'll see you later."

"Meredith…I can stay…"

"I know…but, you'll be back…you'll be here with me later, and I really could use a nap. We should take Kathleen to dinner, and I'll be well rested."

"You're just saying that."

"No. I told you, I should have stayed in bed today…every time I have a feeling... the bomb…"

"That's not even funny."

"I'm just saying…I was tired…exhausted…and I can get some rest for a few hours."

"Ok…but, call me…you'll call me if you need anything…even if you just want me to come home and hold you…you'll call me…"

"I'll call you."

"I'll see you in a few hours," he said and kissed her goodbye.

Derek left reluctantly, but knew she was right. It would be good for her to get some rest, as well as for him to spend time with Kathleen, but there was something even more important he needed to resolve.

"Kathleen," he said when he reached her, "there's something I need to take care of, do you mind if we meet up later, maybe an hour…a bit more?"

"Is everything all right with Meredith?"

"Yes, she's fine, she wanted to get some sleep."

"Derek…are you ok?"

"I will be… I will…"

"We still need to talk…"

"I know…we will, when I meet up with you…later today, we'll talk."

"I called home, I'm going to stay another day…I want to make sure Meredith and the baby are ok."

"That would be good…"

"What you need to do…can I help?"

"No. I have to do this myself."

"Ok…don't worry about me…call me when, whenever you're done."

"Kat…thank you…for everything."

"You're welcome. Derek, I'm thinking, maybe I can make a home cooked meal tonight, we can stay in, Meredith can get some rest."

"We can try, but I doubt she's going to agree. She already told me we should take you out to dinner."

"Are you sure she doesn't need to…"

"Dr. Cameron didn't say anything Kathleen, I don't think…well, we'll know more tomorrow."

"Are you sure I can't cook for you tonight?"

"Yes. We haven't taken you out on the town."

"Meredith is not up to that at all. So, if you don't let me cook dinner, than we're going to make it a light causal night…that place…what's it called…where you guys met?"

"Joe's?"

"That's it…if she won't agree to me taking over her kitchen. We'll go to Joe's"

"Bossy as ever."

"Hey, it's not often I get to play big sister to my little brother…and I don't have a husband to boss around," she laughed.

"I'll call you," he said and disconnected the call. Then, he drove to take care of something that could no longer wait.

--

"Dr. Shepherd, you paged."

"Dr. Yang, please sit down," he told Cristina when she entered his office.

"I would rather stand."

"Cristina, sit down."

"Dr.Yang to you."

"Sit down, and shut up."

"I will not put up with you speaking to me that way."

"You will. You will, because this is not about me or you, this is about Meredith."

"If she has anything to say, she can talk to me herself."

"I'm sure she would have, if you had bothered to be the friend you claim be."

"You are no one to judge me."

"But I am, because right now, being your friend is hurting her, and I personally think it would be best for her to walk away."

"You can't tell her…dictate to her who she can be friends with."

"I do not intend to."

"You just said she should walk away."

"I did, and that is what I think."

"Then what do you want?"

"I'm here, talking to you, because of her."

"I fail to see what this has to do with me."

"You claim to be her person, her friend, her sister…and you fail to see what me, talking to you has to do with her," he asked angrily.

"I believe you said all there was to say, and she made her decision."

"This is not about her choosing, this is about Meredith's wellbeing."

"What is wrong with her, what have you done now?"

"You see…that…that damn attitude, I should just throw you the hell out of here, and forget this whole idea."

"That is fine with me."

"Well God damn it, it is not fine with me."

"What do you want Shepherd? Get to the point."

"What I want is for Meredith to be happy, and apparently, that does involve your friendship."

"She does not seem to think that way anymore."

"You are wrong, but just so I'm clear, as to why I may be wasting my time, let us get one thing straight."

"What?"

"Do you, or do you not care about her?"

Cristina did not speak a word.

"Answer me," he yelled, "or get out, and I wash my hands of this whole thing."

"I care," she said barely audible.

"What was that," he said.

"I care," she said looking him in the eye.

"Good. Because she deserves that from you."

"Why did you page me?"

"I need to talk to you about her. She's going to need you…she will…"

"Again, what have you done?"

"Can you stop with that bull shit, I have not done anything, we are trying to make our relationship work…we are making it work."

"You have said that before."

"Look, I don't care what you think of me, I don't. But, I care that she believes you are her person…which for the life of me I cannot understand why, because all I see from you is bitterness…never a kind word…always a dig…never compassion…and she is full of compassion…"

"You have no right to judge me."

"But I do. I'm the man that loves her…whether you believe that or not, I do, and she loves me, and we are not giving up on each. We are going to be together, for good."

"Until the next time you decide she is not good enough."

"I'm not leaving her. We want to be together, and we are not letting anything or anyone come between us."

"You've given her plenty of pretty words before, and every time you have failed her."

"I know that."

"You know that?" she questioned sarcastically.

"Yes, I do."

"I still don't know why you paged me, what any of this has to do with me."

He took a deep breath, almost in defeat, but accepted he was not doing this him. "Meredith is pregnant, and there's a strong likelihood she is going to miscarry."

"She's what? She hasn't told me…she would have told me."

"She would have, you're right, if she felt she could tell you."

"She can tell me anything, I have always been there for her," she said, and he could hear the emotion she was trying to keep from him.

"You have not been there. The last two weeks, you have not been there for her."

"She's known, for two weeks," she asked quietly.

"No, we found out three days ago."

"Three days ago, and she didn't tell me."

"She didn't feel she could."

"You encouraged her not to."

"No, I encouraged her to tell you."

"I don't believe you."

"Ask her."

"Why would you?"

"Because you are her person, and I thought that is who she would want to tell."

"Then why didn't she?"

"She told me she knew what your reaction would be, and didn't want any negativity surrounding the baby."

"She thought…she thought I would bring negativity."

"I'm sorry, but yes."

"I see."

"No, you don't. She needs you…"

"She doesn't need me. She would have come to me."

"She is happy Cristina, she was…happy about this, she thought you'd encourage her to have an abortion, that the idea of a baby…a baby with me was crazy."

"She was probably right."

"She knew that. But, she was sad, that she couldn't share it with you."

"Is she…is she ok?"

"She's trying to be."

"Oh, my God," she said, and he saw her eyes well up with tears.

"I know she's going to need you, she's going to want her friend's support."

"That's why she was upset."

"Yes, we had just been to her appointment, and we did not get very good news."

"What is wrong with her," she said, and he saw the genuine concern, "will you tell me?"

"Yes," he said, and related the story.

"She's talking to you…she's not avoiding?"

"She is. We both are, talking to each other."

"Shepherd, she is my person."

"I realize that. That's why I'm here, for her."

"I don't want to lose my person."

"Neither does she."

"She doesn't…she won't have to choose."

"That's what I'm hoping," Derek told her.

"I will try, if you do."

"That's all I want."

"You love her?"

"I love her, and she knows it."

"You're not going to screw her over again?"

Derek was quiet, and did not respond.

"I don't mean that, I know you're going to screw her…but…"

"Yang, your mind is totally in the gutter. That is not what I was thinking."

"Derek, she is my person, she is my sister…the only person I have ever been close to…I will try…for her."

"That's why I'm here, because you are important to her as well, and all I want is for her to be happy."

"You are serious…about a commitment, a relationship…"

"Yes, Cristina, I'm going to marry her."

"Is it because she's pregnant?"

"Of course not."

"There's no of course about it. That's exactly what Mer's reaction would have been."

"Marrying her has nothing to do with her being pregnant."

"Does she know that?"

"She has promised to say yes."

"What does that mean?"

"I haven't properly asked her."

"You are an ass."

"We agree on that issue…about the proposal."

"We might," she said, carefully assessing him, "just might be able to get along, but only for her sake."

"I think we can…though I would not want it to get too boring,"

"I doubt that can happen. You can be quite stupid, according to Bailey, and brainless according to Meredith."

"Probably right about that too."

"We can try."

"We can."

"But I get to kick your ass, if you ever treat her like you have in the past."

"I don't think you have to worry about that, but Meredith and I have talked about it, about keeping each other in check. We're not going back Cristina, we have made a commitment to each other."

"When, when did that happen?"

"During the last two weeks, if you had looked or listened, you'd have noticed."

"I don't trust you. I haven't ever trusted you."

"I think our mutual dislike and mistrust has been evident."

"You started you're relationship with her by lying about being married, I don't like liars."

"So you told me a long while ago."

"That has not changed."

"I do not expect it would."

"Is she happy? Has she been happy?"

"I think she is. She has been, seeing the progress we've made, except for now, today."

"The baby."

"Yes, that is making her very sad."

"But, you don't know for sure…it could still be ok…right?"

"We'll know in the next few days."

"Where is she?"

"I dropped her off at home."

"She was ok? Why didn't you stay with her?"

"She is ok. She wanted to get some sleep."

"You're sure, she was ok alone?"

"Yes, I'm sure, or I would not have left."

"You tend to hover, I'm surprised you did."

"She did need to sleep, if I stayed, she'd have wanted to talk, and I knew I wanted to see you. It was important to get this taken care of."

"You understand, Meredith wanting to talk…that doesn't sound like her."

"You should try talking to her as well."

"You think she'll talk to me? After this afternoon?"

"I'm pretty sure she will, she doesn't really hold grudges, she's pretty forgiving."

"I know," she said with just a hint of sarcasm.

"Cristina…"

"I'm sorry, I am going to try."

"We're going to be at Joe's tonight, join us."

"Don't you think that's a bit public to talk to her about all this?"

"Given, you don't really say much…not a great conversationalist…I think you being there, will be just enough."

"You're really a wise ass Shepherd."

"I've been told that before."

"Derek," she paused, "I'm sorry, about the baby, I hope it's ok."

"Thank you, so do I."

"You came here, today, just to talk to me?"

"Yes, I did."

"Thank you," she said and extended her hand to him, "truce?"

"Truce."

"We're going to have to deal with each there a lot aren't we?"

"A lifetime Cristina. That's what she and I are counting on."

"This is going to be hard, Shepherd."

"I expect it is, Yang."

"If Sloan finds out, it's gonna be worth a bet…how long do you think this first truce lasts?"

"Not long, I expect, but as long as we know, it's the first one…"

"There's likely to be another one…"

"We understand each other, Cristina."

"We do Derek, I will see you tonight."

"Who else knows?"

"My sister, and Mark,"

"Sloan knows? That is just wrong, that he knows and I don't."

"He guessed, he has a special talent."

"Oh come on, his only talent…well…"

"He does, I swear," Derek laughed and told her.

"You're joking?"

"I'm not. In fact, Kathleen, my sister is the first person he ever told."

"Lexie knows, doesn't she?"

"Yes, she does."

"She didn't tell me, but now, I recognize it, her concern over her…she's being all sisterly."

"Meredith needed that."

"Everyone else…Izzie, George…Alex…"

"They don't know. We jut told Bailey, because of the circumstances today, but no one else knows."

"And you trusted me…now."

"I believe you love her Cristina, and you would not want her hurting any more, so yes, I trusted you."

"Thank you."

"I will see you at Joe's."

"Yes."

"She's going to need you."

"Please tell her I'm sorry, about today."

"You should tell her."

"Ok," she said as she got up to leave.

"Yang," he called, "it will mean a lot to her, if you're there tonight."

"Thank you."

"Just one more thing."

"What?"

"Don't ever underestimate our relationship or my love for her again."


	98. Chapter 98

_For Always – Josh Groban_

_I close my eyes  
and there in the shadows I see your light  
You come to me out of my dreams across  
the night_

**Ch 97 - Forgiveness Part 1 **

"Shep, what are you doing here?"

"I drove Meredith home, but had to come back and take care of something."

"You're off, it couldn't wait?"

"No, it really couldn't."

"Wait, you said you dropped Grey off at home…why?"

"Let's go to my office."

"Is everything ok?"

Derek took a deep breath, before answering, just as he reached the door to his office, "not sure…she needs to go back to the doctor tomorrow."

"Why, what happened?"

Derek filled him in on the doctor's visit and finished with the conversation just had with Cristina.

"I'm sorry man."

"Yeah…"

"Shep…"

"Yeah…"

"It's ok," he paused, thinking back to over a year ago when Addison had aborted their child. "It's ok not to be strong."

"I have to be, for her."

"It's your kid too."

"She's sensitive to that."

"Good…that's important," he said, and suddenly both men were left to their own reflections.

Derek spoke first, "what's up with you? You're acting weird."

"You ever wonder…what it would have been like, if you'd had kids with Addison?"

"What? Mark, what the hell kind of question is that, especially now."

"I loved her Derek."

"Addison?"

"I'm pretty sure it wasn't Meredith…I thought I was in love with."

Derek glared at him, "you can only push it so far…"

"I'm joking Derek, of course Addie."

"Were you, really?"

"I thought I was, I really did…hell, I was even willing to try celibacy, Shep…no sex for 60 days…and then she slept with Karev."

"And you let her go…telling her you couldn't hold out…"

"Yeah…"

"Why?"

"Seemed like the right thing to do…"

"You surprised me that day…didn't think you had it in you."

"Sometimes… I surprise myself."

"Mark, you've been great…with Meredith…you're a good friend, and she really appreciates it…you've been good for her."

"Is she ok? How's she dealing with this?"

"She says she's not giving up hope, but …it's almost like she knows…that something is wrong, and no matter what I say…I don't think I can convince her otherwise."

"What do you think?"

"I'm trying …trying to hang on to some hope, but the doctor in me…I don't know."

"Derek…"

"Spit it out Mark, I've known you too long…what's on your mind?

"We're good, aren't we…you and me?"

"Yeah…" he said with a hint of skepticism.

"Can I share something with you…and you won't go off the deep end?"

"Mark…what…what the hell…"

"Relax…it's in the past…"

"This about you and Addison?"

"Have you forgiven me…really…for the time I spent with Addison?"

"You're going to be my bestman…you're going to…you're our baby's godfather," he said swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Derek…I understand…I do…somewhat, what you're going through…"

"Mark…there's now way….believe me…what this feels like, knowing there's nothing I can do…that there's nothing she can do…but wait."

"I do know."

"You've never…Mark, I've known you for too long, this is something…well hard to describe… you've never had this ," he paused, looking at the serious look on his friend's face, the surprising sadness in his eyes, "wait…are you telling me someone's been pregnant with your child?"

"Addie was…" he said quietly.

"What?"

"After you left, while we were together…she found out she was pregnant."

"Addison got pregnant…with your child…and had a miscarriage?"

"She had an abortion."

"She did what? How the hell could you push her to that…Mark, how could you, your own child."

"It wasn't my choice."

"What the hell does that mean?"

"She decided I wasn't good enough material to be a father. She chose to have an abortion."

"She did this on her own…without consulting with you…"

"Oh she told me, made it very clear I wasn't good enough."

"That heartless bitch…"

"Even then, I thought I was in love with her…that we might have a chance."

"What the fuck…why? She aborted your child."

"I figured she may have been right. It still hurt like hell. I'm not comparing it …I'm not…the way you and Grey feel about each other, it's not the same…but I needed to share that…now…so that you know I understand…I wanted that kid too Derek."

"You're too God damn forgiving."

"I didn't have much of a choice, she found out I slept with a nurse."

"You really are a manwhore."

"That may be my one regret."

"Sleeping with the nurse."

"Yeah, and not fighting like hell for Addison and our kid."

"Why did you? Sleep with another woman."

"The truth…hell if I know….especially since I did love her…even the shrink couldn't figure it out, said I was self destructive and self loathing to an almost pathological degree."

"You went to a shrink…"

"Four hundred bucks an hour's worth…and then I came out here."

"What did you hope to accomplish?"

"Get her back, and you…get my friend back."

"You really were in love with her?"

"Might have been… as much as I can love someone," he said, and both men spent several minutes in silence.

"Mark…I think she was wrong. I think you would have been a good dad."

"I'm going to settle for being the best godfather I can be…"

"Yeah…one day…"

"Shep, cut the shit. I'm having a godchild, so keep all the negative thoughts out of it."

"Is that part of the four hundred an hour therapy?"

"Could be…and to shock the hell out of you, even more…I went out and bought this baby thing… Yankees onesie she called it…and a calendar, with her due date circled on it. Next thing I knew, she'd had an abortion."

"What a bitch."

"I did cheat on her…granted, but, it didn't mean anything, hell everybody knows it…"

"Mark, that really isn't an excuse…man, you better grow up…because from what you're telling me…you want a family just as much as I do…"

"Bite your tongue…I'm not all domesticated and whipped as you are…"

"You're jealous. You want what I have with Meredith…"

"Not sure…exactly what you have with her…"

"Oh yeah…you do…"

"Maybe…one day…"

"Now…for the real question, you ass…why the fuck didn't you tell me, when you came here, instead of watching me waste months of my life trying to make it work with a woman that …"

"She was your wife. You felt it was the honorable thing to do. I had already ruined our relationship, and it wasn't my story to tell."

"I wish you had…a lot of things could have been different."

"Somehow…it didn't seem right…she wanted to make it work…at least she said she wanted to try…"

"Why tell me now?"

"I hope it all works out…with Meredith and the baby…my godchild…but…it if doesn't, I'm here…if you need me, talk, drinks…whatever...and I felt it was right to share this now…no more secrets…"

"I'm glad you did…does anyone else know?"

"Not sure…but it doesn't matter…she and I knew. On her due date, I was here and she told me again I would have been shit for a dad…that she wanted a baby with you…not me."

"Well…looking back…don't think that was meant to happen…"

"You and Grey…you're meant to have this Derek…you will…even if not now…you will."

"I hope so…"

"I know so…cause I can see myself at a Yankee's game…with your kids tagging along."

"What if they're girls?"

"When they're older…we'll keep the boys away…till they're thirty!"

"You're going to be a hell of godfather…and one day…Mark…a hell of a dad…"

"You think…"

"Yeah…and Meredith's talking about it…"

"Grey's talking about me being a dad?"

"No, matchmaking first."

"Oh no…absolutely not…"

"That's what I said."

"Good."

"Mark," he said and got up, and extended his hand, but thought better of it, and gave his friend a brief heartfelt hug, as they each patted the other on the back. "You're a good friend. I'm glad to have you back."

"Forgiven?"

"Completely," he said, as both men walked out of the office, filled with the knowledge that their friendship had withstood the worst of trials and survived.

"What are you doing with Kathleen tonight? You want me to take her out so you can spend time with Grey?"

"No…we're going out. Kat actually suggested something very informal…to hang out at Joe's…we'll do that…why don't you stop by…grab a bite to eat with us, it will be good to keep Meredith distracted…"

"Maybe…I have missed Kathleen…haven't you?"

"Yes, didn't realize how much."

"You should fly home Shep…take Meredith with you…"

"We'll see…anyway…join us tonight."

"Let me see…"

"Bring her along…"

"What are you talking about?"

"You've been spending all your evenings with Tracy…bring her along…"

"Too formal…too serious."

"Screw it…you enjoy her company…you're going to spend the evening with her, bring her along."

"Yeah…maybe…I'll see you later," he said, as they each walked in separate directions.

"Derek," he heard and turned.

"Lexie, hi."

"Is everything ok? I thought you were taking Meredith home…is she here…did she have to come back…is it…"

"She's fine…" he said, putting his hand on her arm, reassuring her. "She's home resting, I needed to take care of something."

"I'm going to stop by…after work…I want to stop by and see her…well, I'm spending all the time there anyway…so she knows I'm going to…but today…right after work I want to make sure she's ok."

"She'd like that…you can join us at Joe's afterwards…light informal meal…Kathleen and us…probably Mark will join us…Yang…" he said and waited for her reaction.

"Derek…Dr. Yang…I mean…it was pretty bad today and afterwards, she was upset…but I don't know if she'll be there, or if Meredith…"

"I just spoke to her, and asked her to join us."

"You did…does Meredith know…I mean… you were really angry…"

"She doesn't know, but I came to talk to her. I had to, for Meredith's sake, I don't want any added stress for her and the baby…"

"That's lovely Derek…that you'd speak to Cristina…she's been upset since that happened."

"Well, I just spoke to her…we have an understanding…a truce of sorts."

"That's good… really good…"

"She's making your life miserable?"

"Sometimes…"

"I told her Meredith was pregnant, and that you know."

"Oh…that must not have gone over well."

"She took it well…but I wouldn't tell her about being the godmother…let's break it to her much later…"

"That's a good idea," she laughed briefly, "is Mer ok Derek, really?"

"We don't know…tomorrow, we'll have a better idea."

"I'm praying for her…and the baby…"

"Thank you," he said and kissed her check, "so am I…"

"Ok…I have to go, here comes Cristina, I'll see you at home."

"Shepherd, why are you keeping my intern from working?"

"Dr. Yang... I was just, it was a minute…I'm going back…"

"Relax…you're entitled to ask about her…he says she's fine."

"Yeah…he did…bye Derek."

"Good bye Lexie, Yang," he said and walked away with smile on his face, content with the knowledge that having her person around would make Meredith feel better.

"So…we are going to be aunts," Cristina said, catching her by surprise.

"Yes…yes we are," Lexie replied.

"You are in charge of all the baby stuff…"

"All the baby stuff…" Lexie asked her.

"I'll be the hard ass… hard core cool surgeon Aunt Cristina…"

"Hey… I plan on being a hard core cool surgeon…"

"Lexie…not going to happen…you're not hard core…too sweet or whatever…I'm the hard core aunt…you'll be the baby stuff aunt…"

"Baby stuff…" she smiled, "what exactly does that mean…"

"You can't be that clueless, you already have a niece…you know…the baby showers and cooing to it…and changing diapers and taking it out, babysitting… and all that stuff…I'll wait till it's older…"

"I think that will work…Meredith will like that…."

"I hope she will," she said, and they exchanged a knowing look.

"She will, but maybe…don't keep calling the baby 'it'."

"Yeah."

"Cristina…Derek's concerned…about…."

"So am I. We just need to be there for her, and hope the baby is fine."

"Yes…"

"Lexie, about today, I'll make it up to her."

"He really loves her Cristina."

"Maybe he does," she said, and they changed the subject and began walking to a patient's room.

Derek met up with Kathleen for a late lunch, and they discussed the prior day's conversation.

"Derek, I know you don't want to hear this, but aside from everything that is going on, from everything you've said, there is a real possibility Meredith could lose the baby."

"I know that. She knows that."

"She's going to run…she is…it's what she's used to, and you need to be aware of that, and understand, that it has nothing to do with you…it will be her only coping mechanism, to rely on old patterns of behavior."

"I know. We have already talked about it, she brought it up in fact."

"She did?"

"She's been full of surprises lately…she's the one that brought it up…"

"How do you feel about that?"

"That she's talking?"

"That she may want to run…avoid dealing with it…avoid you…"

"We promised each other," he said and took a deep breath, "we won't.

"It's easier said than done."

"We are not going to allow anything to get between us anymore."

"Just so you know…I'm praying it doesn't happen, but if it does, you need to be very sensitive to what she's going through. Derek, her hormones will take a while to get back to normal, even…even afterwards…"

"Why are we talking about this, damn it," he said angrily, "we are trying to hang on to some hope that all is going to be fine."

"That's good, and you should. But, the two of you…there's been a lot Derek…and I'm concerned, something like this…even the strongest of relationships…this…"

"You're pissing me off Kathleen…you've seen her…you've talked to her…you know how much we love each other, how committed we are to make our relationship work, why are you giving me this crap now?"

"Because, you called me to come out here, because there were some very serious issues you needed to address, and this…either way, whether you have a baby…or she loses the baby, it's huge…and you need to know how to act in either situation."

"We will deal with it. We have talked about it, and we are not going to fall apart because of it, and if all you can be is negative…then…"

"Take your attitude elsewhere, it won't fly with me. What I've said, you needed to hear, and if you and Meredith have already realized it can happen, then I can certainly rest a little easier, that you too seemed to have matured a bit since I got here."

"That's big of you."

"Don't be an ass Derek, I know it's a challenge sometimes, but cut the crap," she challenged.

"You have a way of making me feel like I'm ten years old and snotty brat."

"That's about right," she smiled.

"Mark and I were talking about you earlier ...that we'd missed you…"

"And now you're changing your mind…" she questioned, raising an eyebrow.

"On the contrary…you make me realize how much I've needed you…how good it is to have my sister around."

"Imagine that," she said, and reached out to touch his hand and squeezed it, "not nearly as much as I've missed you…we all have Derek."

"Kathleen…I really do hope you're going to come out…bring Mom."

"I plan on it…as soon as I can…as soon as it's a good time to come out."

They continued to talk about the conversation from the day before and Derek told her they were listening to her advice, and that they were not going to let the past or the present situation get in the way of their future together, and Kathleen felt comfortable that they both intended to do just that.

Meredith was awakened by the baby's ever present reminder and need to make a stop in the bathroom, which meant she had not heard Derek walk in the house, when she got back in bed.

She felt rested, though her emotions were everywhere, and she was laying on her side when the frame with the photograph of her with her parents caught her eye, and she reached for it.

"Mom," she said, as she lay back against the pillows and made herself comfortable laying on her back, "it's me, Meredith."

Derek had just reached her door, which he'd left ajar, when he heard her speak softly, and stood back, giving her privacy, but not moving and uncaring he was eavesdropping.

"A lot of things have happened…big things Mom…and you know…I'm not sure why you wanted to keep Thatcher away, but I've tried to understand…and it doesn't matter now…but I've got two sisters…well, I've only met Lexie, and she's been great…she really has…she would probably annoy you, she's a bit like me…a rambler of sorts, and you use to hate that…but I like her…she's been really good to me…for me…and she thinks, that you can hear me…well, I'm not sure about that, but she told me she was certain, the other night, that Susan…you know Susan Mom, Thatcher's wife…she was nice to me…really nice, than she died…" she paused, and laughed, "you see Mom, seems everyone leaves…but…now…well, maybe things are changing…I have a sister…and lots of friends, they are my family…and now Mark and Kathleen they say they are my family, and they've been great…really great…and I'm starting …I think, I'm starting to learn to trust people…but most of all, I have Derek…yes, I know you didn't like him…but he loves me…he really does, and if he heard me, he'd think I'm crazy, but Lexie thinks you can hear, and that Susan was around…and I'm hoping that you are…because…Mom…if you're up there somewhere, though I know you did not believe in anything…when I saw you…Mom…I'm glad I saw you…before you left …that gave me hope…and what I needed to go back…but now, I kind of need to believe in something …because…I need you to be there for me…just like I know Susan might want to be…" she stopped and he heard her sniffles, knowing that she was crying.

"Mom," she said, and reached for the image of the sonogram she had placed on the nightstand, and held it close to the photo, "Mom…you're going…you're going to be a grandmother…" she cried, "and you know, what…I know you may not have approved…but I'm hoping you do now…I'm hoping you really do know what goes on with us here…because you would know that I'm happy…happy about this baby…and if you can see, well you don't have to see…I think you may just sense things…and you already know what a baby looks like when they're about seven weeks…that's how old my baby is…and I hope you would be happy for me…I like to think that maybe…when you first found out you were going to have me…that maybe you were a happy…not like afterwards…when I know you wish … I knew you wished you hadn't had kids…" she said, and he continued to hear the cries in her voice, "but Mom, this is the most amazing feeling…to know there's this tiny baby…that Derek and I created…that our baby was conceived with so much love and passion…but now…Mom…I think…I…" her voice broke, and his heart was breaking listening to her, but knew it was a moment of healing for her.

"I think there's something wrong, and I'm trying to be optimistic for Derek…Mom…you were really wrong about him, and you made him doubt himself, and I really was angry for you about that…and he knew I'd had a terrible childhood, and he doesn't even know …so many other things…but, you know what…I want you know I forgave you…for al those things…all those times…you'd have rather been alone…I did…Mommy…I forgave you for not wanting to be with me…and now I need for you to forgive me too…forgive me for not having been extraordinary as you wanted me too…for having gotten in the way of your happiness…but, even though I know all those things…I still miss you Mom…and I wish you were here…and it could be the way it was…when you still remembered, even if we fought …Mom…I would want you here… now…because I think you may have come around… when you saw I was happy, and I had found the love of my life…and he is Mom… and we're having a baby…and he loves me… and you'd get to meet our baby…your grandchild…Mom…I think you would have come around…" she said, and a broken sob escaped her, "Mom…if you're up there…if you're up there near God…ask for our baby to be ok," she said, as tears rolled down her cheeks, and at that instant, Derek rushed to her side, and held her, letting her to cry.


	99. Chapter 99

_For Always – Josh Groban_

_For always, forever_

_Beyond here and on to eternity_

_For always, forever_

**Ch 97 – Forgiveness – Part 2 **

He held her, soothed her by gently stroking her back, whispering tenderly that he loved her, that he would always be with her.

"You…you…heard…" she said after a while.

"I'm sorry…I shouldn't have…but…when I heard you say, Mom, it's me…I did…I thought you might need me…"

"It's ok…now you know…you know a little bit more," she said softly, quietly, "…and just now…when you came in, I needed you desperately."

"She hurt you so much," he said, and pulled back slightly to look at her, "and yet…Meredith…you forgive her…"

"She…she…was my mother Derek…she was all I had…"

He wiped the trace of tears away and cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her lips softly. "Well, now…for the rest of your life…you have me…and so many other people that love you and on whom you can count on."

"You…you are the most important…Derek, I told her…I found the love of my life…"

"I heard…she didn't like me…"

"I think…she was trying to protect me in her own way…"

"You amaze me…how understanding you are…"

"Derek, she lost the love of her life…she was judging based on her experience…please don't hate her."

"I'm not going to lie to you…I did not like the way she treated you, I was angry at her…but I did not hate her…"

"Thank you…because, I don't hate her…and she hurt me the most…"

"I don't hate her…how can I? Because of her I have you…because of her I found the love of my life…"

"Oh, Derek…you say such things like that…how can I not cry…"she said as she did just that.

"You have to admit," he said holding her close, "you've even turned me into a water pot lately."

"Derek, even…even…if I couldn't forgive her…before, for so many things…I would forgive her now…because, she was there…at the end…and she pushed me…she did…and because of it, I have you…and our baby…and for that I can forgive just about anything…"

"What do you mean," he asked confused, "she was there, at the end…"

"It's a long story…I don't want to talk about it right now…but I will…when the time is right…I will…"

"Meredith…"

"I'm not avoiding, I'm not…I'm accepting many things, but I have to deal with them…and I will share them with you…I will," she said and reached for his hand.

"Are you ok?"

"Yes…and Derek, we have a lifetime…to talk…and it doesn't all have to be right now…but it will be…sooner than later…"

"We do, we do have a lifetime together."

"Derek… do you think she heard me…that she knows…about us…our baby?"

"I believe she did…and she knows."

"Really?" she asked with such hopefulness in her voice.

"I really believe that she can be close to you, I'm not sure exactly if they hear or see…but Meredith…there are so many times, I just know…that my Dad is nearby…" he said with tears in his eyes.

"You do...you feel that way..." she said, gently squeezing his hand, never looking away, "you never talk about it…"

"No. No I don't."

"Are you ok…talking about it now?"

"Yes…I just want you to know…that I think they are close by…and Meredith…sometimes…I talk to him too."

"You do…"

"Yeah…I do."

"Thank you…for sharing that with me."

"Seems like there's lots of sharing…for both of us…the rest of our lives."

"I think so…we just have to start…"

"We already have Meredith…we already have," he said and kissed her lips lightly, and they exchanged a tender kiss meant to heal old wounds and give hope for the future.

When they pulled apart, she asked, "Derek, isn't Kathleen with you?"

"Downstairs."

"Derek, that's so rude," she said and started to get up.

"Where are you going?"

"Downstairs, to talk to her, spend some time with her."

"Maybe you should just rest."

"Derek, I told her I wanted to spend time with her."

"So she can come here and you two can talk, and bond…or whatever it is you've done, since she is totally and completely biased about you."

"Are you feeling left out?"

"No, I'm feeling like I'm on the losing side no matter what I do," he teased.

"Really," she said seriously.

"Meredith, lighten up, it was a joke."

"Derek," she said, "that's not nice…telling me to lighten up…you've just …well… that's not nice or …supportive…and maybe you prefer she'd hate me like Nancy did?" she said, and lowered her gaze.

"Meredith…I was kidding…" he said and kissed her softly. "I love you."

She wasn't budging, "Meredith…"

"What?"

"I love you…I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings."

"You know Derek…you know I'm extra sensitive…you could be nice."

"You're right…I'm sorry…I will try harder…"

"Fine."

"I love you Meredith," he said and brushed her lips with his, but this time deepened their kiss.

She sighed after he released her lips, "I love you too."

"Should I ask Kathleen to come up?" he smiled.

"Yes."

"I'll be right back, do you want anything? Are you hungry?"

"I opened a can of soup."

"That's not healthy, too much sodium."

"It was soup…Derek…Campbell's… you know, soup is good food."

"Oh God…cold pizza, grilled cheese sandwiches and now canned soup advertising…those are not nutritious foods Meredith."

"Derek, go get Kathleen…and bring me some ice cream…any chocolate will do."

"Any chocolate," he asked while standing at the door, "how many do you have?"

"Two flavors," she replied with a smile.

Derek led Kathleen to Meredith's room. "This is a lovely house Meredith," she said as she walked over to her, and leaned down to give her a kiss on the cheek, and sat on the bed next to her. "It's good you're staying in bed."

"But, you know, Dr. Cameron did not say I needed to…I don't mind, but, he …"

"No, he didn't, but it can't hurt, and Kathleen suggested we go out to dinner," he said, and went around the other side of the bed and stretched out beside Meredith, handing her a bowl of ice cream.

"Actually, I suggested we stay in and I make a nice home cooked meal…"

"You can't do that…you're here…as a guest…"

"Meredith, I'm here…as family, and I haven't cooked in days, I'm missing it."

"Are you kidding? You miss cooking?"

"Actually, I do, and I'm a great cook."

"She is, better than Mom," he laughed, and turned on his side to look at Meredith.

"Better than Mom, Derek Christopher, she would skin you alive…"

"But, she's not going to know…is she…" he stated.

"That is tough… Derek… very tough…can you imagine," she laughed.

"Kathleen…"

"I won't say anything…not now…"

"If you do, I'll have to tell her about you moving in with…"

"She knows…that won't work…"

"She does not."

"Derek, she's not stupid, she's known for years."

"What won't work…you two, it's not nice…keeping me in the dark about gossip…"

"Oh, thank God, you finished that statement… I thought we were going to deal with another hormone "nice" issue…"

"Now, Kathleen, THAT was not nice…"

"Just think, it could have been Nancy out here…instead of me," she said, and all three laughed.

"Meredith, Kathleen suggested we go to Joe's, you up to it?"

"Joe's, but Derek, that's where we hang out…we should go someplace nice tonight, she's been stuck at your trailer and here last night."

"Mer, Joe's would be just fine…no hassles, I didn't dress for nice…and I'd much rather stay in jeans like this…than worry about anything fancier…"

"Well…it's just a bar and not very formal…and we should take you out…"

"Meredith, I really want to go to Joe's…maybe meet up with some more of your friends here…and definitely want to see the place where it all began…"

"What began?"

"Your love story…" she said.

"Oh."

"Yes…it was that," Derek said smiling.

"I'm not sure…well, that it started out that way…" Meredith said, "you do know…that first time…"

"I know it all…and I think, it was the beginning of a wonderful love story."

"Fate," Derek said, "undoubtedly fate," he said and leaned over to kiss Meredith.

"Derek, why don't you go do something, and leave us to talk…" Kathleen suggested.

"Why…Meredith isn't keeping secrets from me…I can just lie here, relaxing, I enjoy talking with you, both of you."

"Derek…you are not that brainless," Kathleen told him.

"Why?"

"How often have you enjoyed sitting around with just the girls talking?"

"I don't mind…that's how I used to hear everything that was going on…"

"Just get out…I'm going to fill Meredith in on lots of family secrets…especially those worthy of blackmailing Nancy…"

"Hey, I want to hear those…"

"Go away Derek," Kathleen ordered.

"Biased. Totally," he said walking away.

Kathleen and Meredith had been talking for a while when her phone vibrated. "Hi Lexie," she said and listened to her sister's ramble and smiled, "that's ok. I'll see you at Joe's, yes, I'm fine."

"She was coming over here after work, and just got pulled into what she called an amazing surgery…so she's going to be late."

"You've become very close, in a very short period of time…that's very good, as far as trusting people."

"I'm trying."

"You're succeeding, that's more than trying. Don't undermine yourself."

"Kathleen, tell me about Derek…when he was a little boy…tell me about him…"

"He was adorable," she started, and told her stories that made Meredith fall deeper in love with him with each passing moment, but felt a melancholy longing for the chance to experience the same with their baby.

Derek stood at the door to her room and marveled at the closeness that had developed between them, watching as Meredith shared her album of photographs with Kathleen, and both giggled at several pictures.

"Hey, you've been talking for over two hours…it's lonely downstairs."

"Are you feeling neglected?"

"Yeah," he pouted.

"Join us," Meredith said.

"You kicked me out."

"I didn't, Kathleen did."

"I spent all day with you yesterday, and the day I got here and today…"

"So…what is your point?"

"Now I want to spend time with Meredith, we're not going to see each other for a few months."

He understood the significance of that and relented. "Women. I'm going to run to the store, there's not a lot of nutritious food in this house. Meredith, is there anything in particular you want?"

"Just don't stock up with healthy stuff only…bring some junk food," she said as he walked toward the door, "Derek, bring chocolate…lots of chocolate."

"He is really being wonderful," Meredith told her.

"McDreamy…is it…" Kathleen said, and laughed.

"Absolutely."

"He will never live that down when you guys come home."

"He's earned it…he really has," Meredith said, with a bit of dreaminess in her eyes. "Kathleen, it's meant a lot to me…spending time with you, I hope you know that."

"It's meant just as much to me, and I can't wait for the next time we can spend time together. You know I expect Mom will want you to stay with her, whenever you visit, she certainly has the room for guests, but, I'd love for you to spend some days with me."

"I would like that. You know, I'm a bit intimidated at the thought of meeting your mother."

"She is going to love you…and she loves to mother… and you can use some mothering."

"Yeah," she said, and remained quiet.

"What are you thinking? I can see the change in you."

"Derek does that all the time."

"Read you like a book?"

"Something like that," she smiled.

"So, what is it?"

"You really are bossy…Derek and Mark are right."

"And you are excellent at avoidance."

"Lots of years of practice," she joked, "but, I'm not, it's not about that…I'm just thinking…"

"About what?"

"Kathleen, will you pray for us…not for me so much…but for the baby…I already asked Lexie…"

"Honey," she said, and reached for her hand, "of course I will, I have been already. But, why don't you?"

"I have…more than ever…and I hadn't in a long while, my Mom, she didn't really believe in anything…so we didn't, but …now, I'm afraid…I'm afraid to because I may already know the answer," she said honestly as tears gathered and slid down her cheek, "and I don't want to feel…I don't want to know He didn't answer my prayers…though I know… that things may already be happening…so maybe I started to pray too late…"

"It's never too late to pray…to have hope."

"You're a doctor, Kathleen…some things…they just…happen…"

"You can still pray…sometimes, it's only for Him to give you strength and courage…and acceptance of whatever life brings."

"Does it work? Do you find all that…? Are those prayers answered?"

"Yes, but you know, even if you had not asked for that, they've already been answered for you."

"What…what do you mean?"

"All those things, Meredith, you already have all that…it's who you are… strong, and courageous, you're a beautiful, kind, compassionate woman, who happens to love my brother."

"Kathleen," she said, still teary eyed, "do you think he's forgiven me?"

"For what?"

"For what I said…the night he called you…?"

"I think he has forgiven you, but you still need to talk about it."

"We will, we are talking about lots of things, we will."

"He told me that today, that you two are committed to making things work, to talking through everything…"

"We are."

"Meredith, I know Derek's been teasing about me being biased…but, I want you to know, I'm just a phone call away…I'm not going to be on his side, or yours for that matter, but I'm there for you. Specifically…for you, if you need to talk to me, and don't worry if it's about my brother…he's right, I may be a little biased towards you."

"If I need you…I'll call you."

"That makes me feel better, all of this, that you two can count on me. But, Meredith, I hope you will call…even if you don't need me."

"Kathleen, have you forgiven me?"

"For what?"

"For hurting him…when he called you…"

"That is in the past…now, you concentrate on your future."

"You did not answer me."

"I have. Meredith, that's what sisters are for."

"I'm learning…because, I know Lexie has forgiven me, the way I treated her, when she first came here…but we've come a long way."

"I can see that."

"Can I ask you…well, sort of a professional question…psychiatrist related?"

"Yes."

"Today…I found myself talking to my Mom…I mean, I felt like I wanted to talk to her, tell her about being a grandmother…and Derek came in…he overheard…do you think, I mean as a psychiatrist, do you think there's something wrong with me, that I did that, I mean, I know she's dead… but I just needed to feel close to her….is that something I should tell my therapist, in case there's something wrong…you know…emotionally with me by doing that."

"You can tell your therapist if you wish…but only if that is going to help her understand you, but as far as talking to your mother…Meredith, I talk to my Dad a lot…I have since he passed away."

"That's what Derek said, when I told him…'

"Derek," Kathleen said with visible emotion, "he told you that….he said… he spoke to our Dad?"

"Yes…but, I'm sorry, please don't tell him I said that… he doesn't like to talk about it…and it was just that he saw me crying…and I said something, and he told me that…"

"Meredith, I won't tell him…you can trust me…but, you don't understand, he never talks about him…about our Dad…and that's just made me realize how much that impacted his life…all our lives, but especially his."

"He…he said, we'd talk about it more…that we'd be talking about it…again."

"Meredith," she said, "I have no doubts" and reached out to hug her "my brother has completely forgiven you…"

A couple of hours later the three were walking down the stairs that led to The Emerald City Bar, Meredith and Derek holding hands and searching for a booth.

"Hi Joe."

"Dr. Shepherd, Meredith, it's really good to see you…and you must be his sister."

"You know about me?"

"Dr. Sloan over there was talking about you, said he was determined to beat you at darts, plus, the looks, you can't deny you are related."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Joe, have heard a lot about this place. As for Sloan, in his dreams…I've only gotten better."

"Welcome to Joe's…I can't wait to see that."

Meredith slid in the booth first with Kathleen sitting across from her. "I'll get our drinks, Kat, usual red wine…" he asked but was interrupted.

"This round's on me…" Mark said as he reached the table, "Kathleen, you've already met Tracy…I told her we're picking up on our last darts challenge…"

"So I heard. I'm going to beat you, just like last time."

"You did not beat me…"

"Get me a beer Mark," she said

"You don't drink beer, you drink wine."

"Not tonight. Darts competition requires beer…"

"Oh crap, she's going to beat me," he muttered under his breath.

"Did you say something Mark," Meredith teased him.

"Grey, you stay out of this."

"Mark…that is really not nice…"

"I'm on to you…save the nice," he said as Meredith and Derek laughed.

They were sitting exchanging stories, enjoying the evening having already placed a dinner order when Lexie and Cristina walked in to Joe's, and Derek felt Meredith tense.

As they approached, he called out, "Lexie, Yang, join us," he said, and reached for Meredith's hand under the table.

"Hi guys, we just had the most amazing surgery, Cristina …she decannulated a heart, Meredith all by herself, it was awesome…and she said she might teach me eventually…it was oh my God, an incredibly surgery high."

"Congratulations Dr. Yang…that's quite an accomplishment, again."

"Thank you…Dr. Shepherd."

Everyone at the table detected the tension, when Derek broke the silence, "hey guys, while we're waiting for dinner, Yang, Lexie you order something and have them bring it out together, but I think it's time we took on Mark's challenge. Kat, are you game?"

"Absolutely," Kathleen said, "let's go beat this pretty boy's attempt."

"Kathleen," Tracy commented with a twinkle in her eye, "they've dubbed him prettier" while Mark looked at her with a smirk.

"Prettier," Kathleen laughed, "than whom?"

"Dr. Shepherd," she told her.

"This town is just full of nicknames," Kathleen laughed, "pretty and prettier…McDreamy and McSteamy…I can't wait to get home and tell all."

"Don't forget manwhore," Derek added.

"Shep, don't go there…" Mark warned, "and that's old."

They all started to get up, "Cristina, take my seat," Derek told her, and she hesitated, but sat down, while he saw the puzzled look on Meredith's face.

After long moments of silence, Cristina spoke.

"He told me you're happy."

"He...Derek?"

"Who else?"

"When?"

"He came to talk to me."

"He did…when?"

"Don't you have another question?"

"No. When?"

"After he took you home."

"He didn't tell me."

"He said he would."

"I guess this was his way."

"I told Lexie, I'm the hard core cool aunt…"

"What?"

"Meredith, are we playing the 5 W's?"

"Why?"

"Why did you tell her that?"

"Because, I am the cool aunt, and she can be the baby stuff aunt."

"Baby stuff aunt," Meredith said, coming to full realization of what had happened.

"Yeah, I'm not going to be cooing and changing diapers or baby sitting."

"He told you?"

"Yes."

"I'm glad you know."

"Me too."

"I asked Lexie to be the godmother. I hope you won't be mad."

"You did the right thing. More her style, I don't want to deal with 'it', well with the baby…till you know later, when there's actual talking and they make sense, maybe like seven or eight…."

"Who's been coaching you…you said baby…not it."

"Lexie," she mumbled.

"She's been good to me, Cristina, I'm learning about sisters…"

"Figured you're acquiring lots of sisters…if I didn't adapt to the changes, I was going to be left out of my person's life."

"I'd have approached you and kicked your ass, eventually. Just right now, a lot's going on…hormones…all over…the baby…just a lot," she said with tears glimmering in her eyes.

"I know. I'll be here Mer…if you need me…"

"I do."

"I'm sorry, about today…and lately…"

"We're good – it's in the past."

"Ok."

"But, Cristina, about Derek…he loves me. Don't underestimate what we have together. I won't let anyone do that anymore."

"That's almost exactly what he said."

"Seriously?"

"Right now, he's truly McDreamy for you… isn't he?"

"He is."

"Meredith," she said, and put her head on her shoulder, "I hope your baby is ok."

"That means a lot to me."

"I know."

"Thank you."

"You're my person," Cristina said, as hurts began to heal.

Shortly after all made their way back to the booth and pulled a table next to the booth to make room for everyone, and the evening became a relaxed and enjoyable couple of hours with family and friends.

When Derek sat down next to Meredith, she leaned close to him and held his hand, "I love you Derek, you …you…what you did…" she said, and he saw the emotions, and whispered, "we'll talk later, I love you too."

"Kathleen, I think we need to make a toast…" Tracy teased Mark, "to you solidly beating Mark at darts."

"Thank you Tracy, he will never concede, but, I have again, beat him!"

"You cheated, somehow you cheated."

"It's called practice, I have teenage boys…remember…lots of practice during long winter nights stuck in a basement with ten know it all boys…I have to beat them, it's my way to establish authority…they know not to mess with me."

"Good God. You do not have ten boys…" Cristina blurted out.

"Good heavens no, Cristina but all their friends hang out. I'd rather know where they are than be worried about them on the street."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "you didn't say what it was Derek can't bribe you with anymore."

"Shep, you tried to bribe her, she comes all the way out here, and you tried to bribe her," Mark egged on.

"Tried is the operative word," Kathleen said, as they all teased Derek.

"She thinks Mom knows…about…" Derek countered.

"Derek, Mom's known I was living in sin before we got married…" she laughed.

"She does not."

"Shep, of course she does, she walked in on them one afternoon, and it was hilarious."

"Wait a minute, how the hell do you know that, and Mom, and I don't?"

"See what you get for trying to mess with your older sister?"

"Why didn't I know?"

"Because…you'd have been a pain in the ass, and tried to bribe me… just like you did today, and it was so much sweeter that you find out now," she said and Mark and Meredith joined in her laughter.

"Why did he know, hell that was twenty years ago…"

"Shep, I always know…don't forget that…"

"That was not nice Kathleen, that you would tell him, and well, I thought you trusted me…"

"Wait…are you becoming Meredith," she teased… "pouting…and not nice…"

"I don't pout," Meredith, said lightly, "Derek, don't pay attention to them, they are not being nice…at all," she smiled and kissed him deeply.

"Ok…" Mark commented, "maybe it's time you two go home."

"Before we go, we need to make a toast," Kathleen said, looking around the table, "and since I'm the out of towner…I'll go first…"

"Kat, a toast…" Mark told her, "not a monologue."

"Oh be quiet…you're being a sore loser."

Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder and his arm was around her waist.

"First, I'd like to say…well, good old Catholic guilt, is going to make me confess…"

"This should be fun," Mark told her, raising an eyebrow.

"Derek…I lied…"

"You lied…what kind of a toast is that…"

"It's not, I just feel guilty…you and I…well, I can't lie to my favorite brother…"

"You're only brother."

"Ok, my favorite sibling…."

He started laughing, "Mom does not know…"

"She doesn't and prettier here, just made that up…"

"Derek," Meredith started to protest, "I'll tell you later," he said.

"Forgive me? For lying …and making fun of you?"

"Always, Kathleen."

"Ok…now, my real toast."

"They all have shifts in about six hours, Kat."

"Mark, let her talk," Tracy said and swatted his arm.

"I just want to say…that I had no idea what my brother's life was like when I got here three days ago, and I'm so glad I'm here…and had the chance to see him and Mark again, because I have missed them…terribly, and I'm delighted to have met all of you, who are part of his life now, and I can go back home, knowing he is happy, and assuring our family that Seattle is perfect for him…that he has found his home."

"That's not a toast…Kathleen…"

"Mark, if you don't …."

"Children…" Derek laughed, "it has been more than twenty …thirty years…can you two behave."

"Be quiet…" Mark & Kathleen said and laughed, "we understand each other," Mark finished.

"See," he said, and turned to Meredith, "the abuse I get from them."

"But, not from me," she said leaning in and kissing him.

"True…that's all that matters," he said and kissed her back.

"Ok…I agree with Dr. Sloan," Cristina said, "you two can go home."

"Kathleen, go ahead and make your toast, these people just don't know how to keep quiet, and let someone finish what they want to say…seriously, guys…she's been trying to make a toast for the longest time, and all of you just keep interrupting…thank God, the rest of the bunch wasn't here...we'd be here till morning."

"Lexie," Kathleen said and smiled, "I cannot wait for Mom to meet you…"

"Thank you…I think…"

"Oh yes, I already told you…get ready…"

"Kathleen," Derek said as he saw Meredith attempt to hide a yawn, "Meredith's going to fall asleep on my shoulder if you don't…."

"Derek," he heard, and then felt the light slap on his chest, "that is not nice, I am not…"

"Right…that's why you're …"

"Yawning, it's called being tired…and you know that," she reprimanded.

Tracy was paged at that moment, "sorry…I have to answer this," she said, and left the table.

"My toast is simple…" Kathleen said while smiling, "it's to love…the power of that single powerful emotion…I've seen it here amongst all of you…friends…family…and I know Derek and Meredith are very lucky to have each of you. Lexie, Cristina…Mark…because we all need that support system in life…and I won't be here, but I'm glad I had these three days to spend with them… and know that they have you."

"Cheers," all echoed.

"Not done yet …" she said, holding back her emotions, "most of all, I really want to make a toast to my brother and my new sister… I know, that Meredith will be my sister in law one day, when they are ready…but in my heart, she is already my sister…so to love…in all its forms…and to the love Derek and Meredith have for each other…it's been my privilege to witness it first hand…and what you two have is extraordinary."

"Thank you, Kathleen," Derek said with deep emotion.

In various degrees, all had the glimmer of tears in their eyes, though Derek leaned over and kissed Meredith, and wiped the tears from her face.

"I love you Kathleen," Mark said, "it was the best of toasts."

"To Joe's," Cristina said, "and tequila…this where it all began."

"To sisters," Lexie said, "Meredith…Cristina…Kathleen…"

"To…" Meredith began softly, and paused while swallowing the emotions threatening to overwhelm her, "to answered prayers," she said reaching for Derek's hand and locking gazes with him, "to my family."


	100. Chapter 100

_For Always- Josh Groban_

_For always, forever_

_Beyond here and on to eternity_

_For always forever_

_You'll be a part of me_

**Ch 98 – Part of us… **

The light banter continued, though Meredith was truly falling asleep on Derek's shoulder.

"Hey, sleeping beauty," he whispered, while stroking her arm.

"What," she asked slightly startled, "I was not asleep."

"That must have been someone else snoring," he teased her.

"I was not…"

"No, you were not. But, we should go, get to bed early."

"Ok," she said and smiled, with a hint of an apology.

"Soon," he said in her ear, "it's ok."

"Time to go, guys, Kat, I'll drop you off," Mark said.

"We'll do it, Mark, you and Tracy don't have to go out of your way."

"You sure, Shep?"

"Yes, Mark," Meredith answered as she followed Derek out of the booth. "Glad you could join us Tracy."

"I missed the toast, but luckily I didn't have to go back in."

"Well you got to hear it again…so it's just the same, the second toast around," Mark told her, and placed his hand on the small of her back to guide her out.

"Mark," Meredith said, "why don't you and Tracy…"

"Meredith," Derek interrupted, "I almost forgot to tell you…Kathleen's deep dark secret…"

"Derek…"

"Tell her Kat…she deserves to know already."

"Derek…" Meredith said getting annoyed with him.

"Grey," Mark walked over and hugged her, "stop giving Shep a hard time," he said and quietly whispered, "I told him, no matchmaking…stay out of it."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh…" he said and released her.

"Yang, Lexie, glad you could join us…" Derek said as they got ready to leave.

"Thanks… Derek," they said in unison.

"Good night Lexie, Cristina," he acknowledged, reaching for Meredith's hand.

"Ready?"

"Good night girls, I hope to see you again before I leave."

They got in the car, and Derek drove to the ferry to drop Kathleen off.

"I had a delightful evening Meredith, I am so glad we decided to spend it at Joe's."

"Kathleen, that was hardly worthy of an evening out for you, Derek, we need to go someplace nice tomorrow…"

"Meredith, I got to see where the legend began…"

"Legend, Kathleen?" she asked.

"Oh yes, that's the hospital rumor mill…the legend of Meredith and Derek."

"You are making that up," he laughed.

"Ask Tracy."

"She's pulling your leg."

"Not according to her…what is it you called them, the FAB4?"

"Oh my God," Meredith said, "how embarrassing."

"Embarrassed, you should be flattered…how often do you hear of legends?"

"She's right Meredith," Derek said reaching for her hand, and bringing it up to his lips for a kiss, "think of the stories we can tell our kids."

"Once upon a time…there was this couple, a legendary couple…" Kathleen teased.

"That met in a bar, where mommy got drunk over tequila…and took advantage of daddy."

Derek felt the slap on his head first, coming from behind him, "jerk," and then, from the side, slapping his arm, "ass."

"You two are vicious, stop, I'm driving."

"Brainless moron." Kathleen added.

"But you both love me anyway," he teased.

"Barely," Meredith added.

"Really?"

"Yes."

"I bet you I could make you change your mind," he teased her.

"I bet you could, but don't do it in front of me," Kathleen laughed, "Meredith, don't cut him any slack.

"I don't plan on it," she giggled, reaching over for his hand and gently squeezing it.

They reached the docks and Kathleen said, "Derek, I'm going to sleep in tomorrow, and then make my way over here, one of you call me, after you see he doctor."

She got out of the car, and opened Meredith's door, hugging her briefly. "I had a lovely time with you today. I'll be thinking of you tomorrow."

"I did too. Thank you."

Derek walked her over to the ferry, "I love you Kathleen, thanks for everything."

"Take care of her. Be sensitive."

"I will."

"Good night Derek," she said giving him a bear hug.

Meredith had closed her eyes, and Derek found her sleeping when he got back to the car and did not wake her on the way home.

"Hey," he whispered, "do you want me to carry you?"

"Uhmmm…why?"

"Cause you fell asleep on me again."

"Oh…sorry…"

"Walk…or carry you?"

"Don't be silly, of course I can walk," she said, and placed her hand in his as she got out of the car, and they walked up to her bedroom.

"Derek" she said the minute they walked in her room, and she pushed the door closed behind them, "I'm really tired, I don't know why, since I spent most of the day resting, but I am, and it's early, so if you want to watch TV or anything else, it's ok, cause I'll probably fall asleep anyway."

"Are you kicking me out of bed?" he teased.

"No, but you don't have to…"

"Stop talking and get into bed," he said and kissed her, "I'm going to take a shower, and join you."

"It's just, well, we talked about…tonight…and we can't…and I don't …"

"Meredith, I can wait for sex…"

"It's just…"

He laughed, "but you can't?" he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"Oh, don't be stupid."

"Get to bed, I'll join you shortly."

Her eyes were closed when he joined her in bed, and pulled her close to him.

"Good night, Meredith," he said softly, "good night baby…" he said as he placed his hand protectively on her abdomen, and smiled with a hint of sadness.

"Derek, I'm not asleep…

"Go to sleep then."

"You were mean to Kathleen," she said opening her eyes.

"Why?"

"Threatening …no trying to bribe her…"

"She deserved it."

"She did not."

"You don't even know what it was."

"Yes, because, both of you were rude and didn't tell me."

"It's not a big deal, but my Mom would have made a huge deal out of it twenty years or so ago."

"She was living with her boyfriend before they got married…"

"Yes…but worse they were having sex!"

"Derek come on, your mother must have known."

"You don't know Mom. I mean, it's probably still likely if we go home, and we're not married yet…" he paused for effect, "she may give us separate rooms."

She was silent.

"Cat got your tongue?"

"You're kidding right?"

"Nope."

"I'm not, Derek… I'm not going to your mother's if she's going to think I' m a slutty whore and knows we're sleeping together and thinks it's wrong. Oh my god, she'll probably try to talk you out of being with me…or marrying me…and…she'll hate me…and will want you to meet someone else…"

He leaned over and captured her mouth, devouring her lips until she had nothing left to say.

"Uhmmm…you can shut me up like that anytime…"

"I plan on it…now go to sleep."

"It's early."

"You said you were tired."

"Not anymore."

"What do you want to talk about?"

"Derek," she said, and she turned on her side to face him, and then gently caressed his face, "do you have any idea how very much I love you?"

"I think so…but…what's brought this on?"

"Today, when you stood up for me…to Cristina…nobody had ever done that…then tonight…when she walked in…you arranged that…you did that for me, even though I know how you feel about her…and that…that means a lot to me…more than I can tell you, because, Derek…when I had no one, she was there…she was my person."

"I know…and I needed to make sure she understood that all I want is for you to be happy."

"Thank you…for loving so much…for doing that…talking to her…having her join us."

"I can't think of a single thing I would not do for you…for you to be happy."

"I told her…I would not let her or anyone undermine what we have together."

"You did?"

"She told me you said something similar."

"I did."

"Derek…"

Meredith…"

"No matter what happens…tomorrow…."

"Yes," he said and kissed her.

"We're going to make it….you and I…for always…"

"Yes…we are…"

She reached for his hand and placed it on her abdomen, and closed her eyes, laying her hand on top of his.

"What are you thinking?"

"I'm praying."

"Want to share it with me?"

"For strength…and courage… tomorrow…."

"I'll be there…"

"I will too…just remember…I may want to run at first."

"You won't get far."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith."

Meredith was not feeling well. A couple of hours after going to bed, she began to feel the cramping of earlier days, and when she got up and went to the bathroom, there was spotting.

She made her way back to bed, careful no to wake Derek, but he heard the heavy sigh, and pulled her closer, spooning her, "hey, baby keeping you up again?"

Again he heard the heavy sigh, and turned her to face him and saw the tears in her eyes, "hey…what's wrong?"

She lowered her gaze and he saw the tears continue to fall. "Meredith, what's wrong, please, tell me."

"Derek…it's bad…." she said softly.

"What is?"

"I'm cramping…and just now…there's spotting…"

He knew this was a possibility, but was not ready for it to happen. "Meredith, Dr. Cameron said that could happen, after the ultrasound, that was a possibility," he soothed her, "maybe that's all it is."

"We know…we know…there could be something wrong…"

"Yes, there could…but, try to get some sleep, and we'll see what Dr. Cameron says tomorrow," he told her as he gathered her close and she rested her head on his chest, but neither got much sleep during the night.

Derek was up early and called the lab, asking to put a rush on her tests and was assured they would be completed by nine that morning.

They lay in bed, holding on to each other, afraid to speak the words that would change the course of their recent dreams forever. He kissed her softly, and she smiled reaching for his hand and placing it on her abdomen, and then released a broken sob.

"I loved our baby…Derek, from the moment I knew it was a possibility…I loved our baby," she cried, "please don't ever doubt that…I couldn't stand….I couldn't take it if you had doubts."

"I don't. Not for a single second."

"Are you…will you…will you still love me…I'm sorry…I don't want this to happen…Derek, " she whimpered, "I don't want there to be anything wrong with our baby…"

"I will always love you…no matter what happens…I will always love you, and we'll deal with whatever news we get…together…ok?"

"You won't be mad?"

"Of course I won't be mad…this is nobody's fault…let's wait and see Dr. Cameron…ok…" he said, and stroking the hair away from her face, gently caressed her and kissed away the tears beginning to fall.

They arrived at Dr. Cameron's office shortly after nine, and were able to see him immediately, both sitting in front of him, Derek holding her hand.

"Dr. Cameron, thank you for seeing us so quickly, Meredith was not feeling well last night, and I called the lab, asked for these results to be rushed, I didn't mean to interfere."

"Dr. Shepherd, that's not a problem, I would have done the same thing. Derek, Meredith, I don't know how else to say this…but I don't have good news."

"Oh," she gasped and immediately attempted to release her hand from his.

"What do the test results show," Derek asked, keeping an eye on her, as she had become completely rigid and silent.

"The HCG levels are slightly higher than the last tests, but they are very low, for this stage of the pregnancy, and the increase is almost insignificant, I'm sorry, I don't know how else to tell you, but there's a very strong likelihood…a certainty the pregnancy will result in a miscarriage."

Her hand tightened their hold, giving him the first indication she was listening.

"Is there anything we can do?"

"No. I'm sorry."

"But…"she said, almost inaudible, "yesterday…we heard the heartbeat…the baby…there was a heartbeat…"

"Yes, Meredith, but it was slow, I did not want to alarm you, as I wanted to wait till today, but I already knew there was some risk this would happen."

"Why didn't you tell me…I could have done something…maybe I could have stayed in bed, not gone out last night…rested…tried to …done something…something that would have helped…that this would not have happened," she said unable to keep from crying.

"Meredith, there was nothing you could do. These things happen, and at this developmental stage, there is nothing to be done. I'm sorry."

"Is there any chance, this could all still be ok," Derek asked.

"Very unlikely. I'm sorry."

"What do we do now?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry, but it's very likely you will have a miscarriage over the next couple of days, it's hard to predict how long it will take, or how severe it can be, but, I need you to be aware of this, and the minute you experience any additional bleeding or cramping, come to see me."

"I see."

"Meredith," Dr. Cameron asked, "are you ok?"

"I'm fine."

"Meredith," Derek said, "maybe you should just stay home today, I'll stay with you."

"What for, there's nothing I can do, I would rather work."

"I don't think…."

"I'm fine Derek. I rather be here."

"Meredith," Dr. Cameron said, "Derek is right, you should go home, you're in no condition to deal with patients today."

"I said I was fine. I'll work."

"Meredith…"

"Derek, I'm fine," she said, and started to get up, but he held her arm down, and she relented.

"Dr. Cameron, what should she do?"

"It's ok if she works. There's nothing more to be done now, if this is going to happen, we won't be able to stop it."

"But, is it worse…will it be better if she's resting…when…when it eventually happens, is it better that she is resting, make it less traumatic? Physically…I mean."

"No, and there's no predicting how these things will happen, how long it will take, but I would say within the next forty eight hours at the latest."

"Can we go now?" she asked.

"Meredith, please call me, let me know, if there's any changes…I need to know, I'll need to see you."

"Yes."

"I'm sorry. I know this is not what you expected to hear. I wish the news had been different. Meredith, this happens, you know that, you're a doctor, you know it's not uncommon with a first pregnancy, and then you go on to have other healthy pregnancies and babies."

"Sure," she said and got up, and as did Derek, placing his arm around her, holding her hand.

"Thank you, Dr. Cameron."

"Now is not the time, I know. But, Meredith, I will want to talk to you about this, at length, and your future options."

"Yes."

"Derek," he said and extended his hand to his colleague, "I'm sorry," he said, and Derek just nodded.

He felt her rigidness, her walls of avoidance slowly erected as the walk out of the doctor's office.

"Let's go to my office," he said, pulling her along.

"I…I've got to work."

"You are not scheduled to work, so it can wait," he said firmly.

"I don't want to talk…don't you get it…I need not to talk…" she said harsher than she intended.

"Well, that may be what you want, or what you need, but you are not in this alone," he said, and regretted his tone, but would not let her walk away, and upon reaching his office closed the door behind him.

"Derek," she turned to him, "don't you get it…I don't want to do this…I don't want to deal with this…I want to get on with my day…and not deal with this…"

"I don't want to deal with this either, and I could just walk away…" he challenged, "if that's what you want, fine, than you've got it, I'll let you walk away and deal with it on your own," he said, intentionally angry, hoping to elicit her true feelings, and he hated what he was doing, but could not let her walk away without dealing with them, so he pushed. "Is that what you want, Meredith, is it?"

She lowered her gaze, and he saw the trembling first, her body trembling, and she began to have difficulty breathing…and reached out to him…reached for his hand…as she began to feel lightheaded, and he held her hand, and it became her lifeline.

"I can't….I can't….Derek…" she gasped for air, "I can't deal with this….please…I can't breathe…" she said, and he grabbed her and carried her to the small sofa, and cradled her in his arms.

"You can…you can do this…just breathe for me… Meredith…just breathe…" he said, as she took big gulps of air… "gently….breathe…just breathe…." he said, and soothed her while holding her… "you're going to be fine…you are…shhh…just breathe…" he kept murmuring tenderly until she calmed down.

"I'm sorry…" she said, "I'm sorry…".

"Is this what your other panic attacks have been like?"

"Similar…"

"Meredith, you don't have to do this alone…I can't let you push me away."

"I don't want you to…"

"But you are trying to…"

"I warned you…"

"Yes, you did, and that is why I'm pushing you…but, I'm sorry…I should find some other way…not forcing you into a panic attack."

"It wasn't you…it's …it's all of this…I'm sorry."

"There's nothing to be sorry for…we are going to deal with this together…ok…"

"Ok."

"Now, do you really feel you want to work?"

"Yes…Derek…please," she said, becoming agitated again, "please, I can't just sit at home…waiting…waiting…oh God…" she cried into his shoulder, "just waiting…" she said between sobs, "to lose…lose our baby."

"Shh…it's ok…Meredith…I'm here…"

"Derek…it's over…isn't it…there's no hope…no hope at all," she said with despair in her eyes, he wanted desperately to answer her, and say that there was still hope.

"I don't think so," he said, "I'm sorry…so sorry."

"Me too…so sorry," she said, and they held on to each other as she cried.

Derek's beeper went off, and he ignored it, but then it went off again with a 911, "damn it, don't they know I'm not working."

"Who…what is it?"

"The Chief, 911."

"You have to answer it."

"You're more important."

"Derek…you have to."

He knew she was right, and dialed him, "Chief, what's so urgent, I'm not working," he said and listened, "absolutely not, I'm off today, I have an emergency of my own. No, Richard, I cannot. Fire me if you have to."

"Derek!" she said.

"I'm in my office. Fine."

"Derek, you can't do that…you can't say that…what does he want?"

"He wants me to scrub in, I'm not leaving you."

"Derek," she said, gently pushing back and running her fingers through his hair, "you have to listen to him. I'm fine."

"How can you say that, you are not fine."

"But there's nothing you or I can do…"

"I can be here…I can be with you…" he stopped as he heard the knock on the door.

"Come in," he bellowed.

"Shep," Richard started, and stopped, seeing Meredith cradled on Derek's lap.

"Derek Shepherd, I page you with an emergency, and you have the unmitigated gall to refuse to scrub in on a surgery, and I find you here with your …your…"

"The woman I love…and we are dealing with an emergency of our own," he said in a raised voice.

"What the hell kind of emergency is that?" he pointed angrily to them on the couch.

"Derek…" she said, as she shifted and sat on the couch beside him.

"It's none of your business, the fact that I am asking for the time off should be enough."

"Well, it isn't. We have an emergency, and you're the best neurosurgeon I have, and I expect you to do your job."

"Tough, I told you fire me. Meredith and I…"

"You foolish pup, you can't speak to me that way, I may just take you up on that, and get your ass kicked all the way back to…"

"Chief," Meredith spoke, "Derek, listen to him…I'm fine, and he needs you to do something."

"I already told you…"

"Please…"

"What in the hell is going on Shep, Grey speak up."

"Meredith…you don't have to."

"I'm pregnant, and Dr. Cameron just told us I'm likely to have a miscarriage within forty-eight hours."

"Meredith…I'm so sorry…I'm…I had no idea."

"We haven't told too many people, we just found out a couple of days ago."

"Shep…I'm sorry, I…but, this…this is an emergency."

"I need to be with Meredith…I need to be here."

"Shep, it's a four year old child, the daughter of one of our board members…they asked for you, they want the best, she needs surgery immediately or her chances of survival…"

"I can't…Richard… I can't… this is, it's Meredith and my child…our child…I can't, I don't have the right frame of mind…I'm about to lose my own child, I need to be here…I need to be with her…with them…"

"Derek, I understand…but, this little girl…she's alive…but she won't be for long, you're the best chance she's got…"

"Derek," Meredith said softly, getting up and reaching his side she slid her arms around his waist and looked in to his eyes, "do this…for me…"

"How...how can you ask me…I don't now how long this surgery will last…I need to be there for you…"

Richard cleared his throat, "I'll be outside."

"You are…you will be… but Derek, it's a little girl, she's four," she said quietly. "Our baby…Derek," she said and tears fell, "baby bear…doesn't have a chance…but this little girl does…think how we would feel…if we had a little girl that needed the best surgeon, and we couldn't have him…do it for me…and in memory of our little one…do it for our baby…" she said, cupping his face in her hands, "please."


	101. Chapter 101

_For Always – Josh Groban_

_And for always, forever_

_A thousand tomorrows may cross the sky_

_And for always and always_

_We will go on_

_Beyond goodbye_

**Ch 99 – Beyond goodbye **

"It's not fair, that he's forcing this on me…it's not right…" he said, "that I leave you now…I don't want to…I need to be with you…I need you."

"You are not leaving me...you're in my heart…and I know I am…I know we are in yours…" she said as tears continued to fall, "but, Derek, you save lives…and there's a little girl…that needs the best there is to live…"

"I save lives," he said, defeat evident in his voice, "and I can't do anything…for you," he said, and she saw his tears gather, "or for our baby."

"Derek," she said, as she wrapped her arms tighter around him, and looked up at him, "we knew…we knew…there was this possibility…"

"But, I still had hope…we did…didn't you…"

"I did…but it wasn't meant to be…"

"If I'm not here, and all this happens…begins to happen…I don't want you to be alone…"

"Derek…I don't think it happens so quickly…from what Dr. Cameron said, and…I'll be ok…I will..."

"You'll be ok… without me…is that what you are trying to say?"

"Don't you dare do this to me…do not put words in my mouth…Derek…don't…" she said pulling away from him. "Don't you dare…" she said quietly, "not when I'm already questioning all I've done…all I could have done differently to have kept my baby safe."

"Your baby…" he said and turned away from her.

"What," she yelled, "what am I supposed to say…yes, it's my baby…because, " she said, and could not stop crying, "I was the only one responsible for nurturing and didn't …I could not keep our baby safe. I wasn't even able to do that…"

"Oh God," he said, and rushed to her aside, embracing her, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…you're hurting…and we can't do this…we can't, Meredith…we can't let this bring out old insecurities…and doubts…and I just feel useless…and I'm sorry, I'm sorry for saying what I did…I know you need me…I know you do, as much as I need you."

"I do…I do need you and I will Derek…I will need you so much…but right now, we can't do anything for our baby…we can't…but you can do something for this little girl…and think Derek…one day…maybe…one day we'll have one of our own…"

"Please…forgive me…I did not mean what I said…"

"I can't do this alone…I can't…I won't be ok without you…I will never be ok without you again…"

"Will you forgive me?"

"There's nothing to forgive…we each said things that hurt the other…let's listen to each other Derek…let's really listen with our hearts…this is not going to be easy, and we can't be questioning each other's every word or action…we can't Derek…this is where trust begins…with this deep wrenching pain that is tearing at my heart…and I know is tearing at yours…but…we promised…Derek…we promised…" she said with a sob.

"We did…and we are doing just the opposite…" he said, and held her closer.

"Yes…and we can't…because we said…we're in this…for always…"

"And no matter how much the other pushes away," he said.

"We won't give in to that…we won't let that happen…we promised."

"Yet, we just did. I'm sorry, Meredith."

"We almost did…that's what we need to do, keep reminding each other."

"I love you Meredith."

"It's very hard…to break old habits…and doubts."

"Meredith…"

"I love you too…I do, with all my heart…please…don't doubt that…or that I need you," she said, and pulled back slightly, and their reflection revealed identical tear streaked faces, with new ones still threatening to spill.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I'm sorry too," she said, cupping his face in her hands and bringing her lips to his, "I don't want to do this anymore, Derek, I don't want us to keep having these misunderstanding…not now…please…"

"Neither do I…Meredith…neither do I…you are my life…and I love you…and nothing is ever going to change that."

"I'm going to hold you to that," she said, and brought her lips to his, as the salty taste of tears intermingled with their kiss, and then they held each other close as long as they needed.

"Richard was an ass."

"His approach was not very nice," she said, "but…Derek…it's a little girl's life."

"You didn't deserve this…you...you shouldn't have to face this…"

"It's your baby too…" she said placing her lips on his. "we'll do this together. We have to keep reminding each other…together…"

"We will…"

"Let's tell him," she said and gently caressed his face, wiping traces of tears away, as did he, and then kissed her softly.

"Will you reconsider working…stay here…just lie down?"

"It will drive me crazy Derek…just waiting…I can work…"

"Meredith…nothing can happen to you…please…if you…if you're not well…please…will you go to Dr. Cameron?"

"Yes…I will…you just need to concentrate on saving this little girl's life."

"Take it easy…please."

"Yes…and just think, I'll be here…when you finish your surgery, you can come see me…and I'll let you take me home…but not alone Derek, I don't want to be home alone."

"Ok," he said and kissed her forehead, "we'll go home together."

Meredith opened the door and called out to Richard, "Chief…"

"Dr. Webber," Derek said in a clipped tone, "let's speak to the parents."

"Meredith," "I am sorry for this…this situation."

"Thank you," she said quietly, and sat down.

"Shep, look, I understand…"

"No, Richard," he said angrily, "you do not."

"Derek…I have made allowances for the years of friendship, but you damn well better get a grip and realize I am your Chief."

"I don't give a rat's ass who you are."

"Derek…" Meredith tried to interrupt.

"No, Meredith, he had no right to push me on this. If you were doing your job, CHIEF," he mocked, "you would not be pushing me to perform brain surgery on a four year old, on anybody in fact, in my current state of mind…it's irresponsible, and God forbid the child does not make it, you …this hospital and I could have a damn malpractice suit on our hands."

"Dr. Shepherd," Richard said attempting to control his anger, "you are lucky I am not kicking you out on your ass for insubordination."

"Richard, I don't really care."

"Look, while you are a surgeon in this hospital, the head of the neuro surgery department of Seattle Grace, you are expected to conduct yourself with the proper decorum and do your job and put your personal feelings aside, and I suggest you keep your mouth shut, and do just that, before either of us says anything else we will regret."

"Put my personal feelings aside," he yelled, "have you heard anything at all of what we just told you. What is going on with Meredith…with our child."

"Yes, I have, and I still expect you to do your job. She is."

"She is reacting to her emotions…she would not want anyone in my state of mind to operate on our child."

"Derek, let's stop this right now. You are the best damn neurosurgeon on this coast, and even in your state of mind no one can dispute that, and Meredith asked you to do this for her…and that's enough for me not to have any doubts that you can do this, because whatever you do…you are not going to fail her."

"Oh no," Meredith finally spoke as she got up and faced Richard, "no…you will not…lay that guilt on him…he is the best there is…but if something goes wrong, you are not going to blame him for this…how dare you…how dare you use our personal relationship….the anguish we are feeling right now…to make him feel he could possibly fail me…surgeries can go wrong, and no matter how good he is…that can happen, and you have no right…no right at all."

"Meredith, you need to stay out of this," Richard warned.

"I will not," she defied him, going to stand by Derek, "you brought me into this. How dare you suggest he could fail me…if anything goes wrong?"

"I did not…"

"Yes, you did," she said and reached for Derek's hand.

"Meredith, "Derek said gently, "it's ok."

"No, it's not Derek, and I've changed my mind, you don't have to do this. If you don't want this, you don't have to do this…we will just go home."

"This is enough," Richard stated, "You are doctors, and there is an urgency that you know needs to be address. Now, I am going to forget everything that has been said here, and you are both going to get a hold of your emotions and stop this irrational, immature behavior…"

"And you….you…are being an insensitive…cold…heartless…" she said, attempting not to cry.

"Maybe I am," Richard said, "and I am sorry, but this child…this child cannot wait."

"I will do this, but you can start looking for a new head…"

"Derek, shut up," Richard stopped him, "I said, we will forget everything that has been said."

"Meredith," he said, calmer more gentle, "I am very sorry for what you are going through right now. I am. I wish it were different for you…but, there is only a slight chance…and the only person I know can do this is Derek."

"What is the child's condition?"

Richard provided a detailed explanation, and when he finished, Derek said, "leave us alone. I will meet with the parents in your office in five minutes. Get Bailey and Yang to scrub in."

"Derek…you don't have to do this…not for me…"

"I do…this little girls deserves a chance…and…if I can't do anything for ours," he said, reluctantly touching her abdomen, and his voice cracked, "at least…at least I can do something for this child."

"I love you Derek," she said and circled his neck with her arms, "and we…we are so proud of you," she said, as unshed tears filled her eyes.

"You…you…stood up for me…to the Chief…"

"I couldn't let him say what he did…Derek, you are the best…but…he can't do that to you…and use me…he can't…and no matter what happens, I know you will do your best…and you cannot fail me."

He embraced her and whispered softly, "I love you…I'll look for you in a few hours, stay here…as long as you want."

"It's a beautiful day Derek…for you to save a child's life…"

"For you…and our baby bear..." he said and kissed her before walking out the door, leaving Meredith alone. She walked to his desk and sat down, noticing the copy of the sonogram by his computer, and picking it up sat down and sobbed.

"I'm so sorry…baby…" she said, and placed her hand protectively over her abdomen, "your mommy is so sorry…I wanted you so much…and your daddy…we both love you so very much…but you know…even though I only had you with me for just a little while," and her tears continued to fall, "I love you …and I was so happy….even though you were such a surprise….and your daddy was right…ever since I found out about you…I'm beginning to like surprises…and it hurts so much…"

She picked up the sonogram, staring at its image, and holding it gently, she whispered, "oh...you are so precious…my baby…I wanted to hold you in my arms so much…to see who you looked like, to see if you would have your daddy's beautiful blue eyes…those eyes I can always get lost in…and you know…no matter how much time goes by…I will never forget you…because you made me believe in love…you made me hope…and pray, when I had forgotten…you made your daddy and I realize how much we love each other, and how much we loved finding out about you…your daddy, is so smart…and I told him we are so proud of him right now…because he is going to save a little girl's life…and I want you to know that …even …even when I have to say goodbye to you…and I know I will soon…but, I'm sorry…I could not keep you safe and healthy…I'm so sorry…but even beyond the moment I have to say goodbye…you will always…always live in my heart."

Derek spoke to the parents and felt and sympathized with their desperation, and used all the skills he'd perfected in his career to assure them he would do all he could, and was confident she would be fine, and that he was assembling the best group of surgeons.

Meredith composed herself after a long while, and left Derek's office after paging her interns.

"Hi Mer, I've barely seen you," Izzie greeted her at the nurse's station. "Mer, are you ok…you look like you've been crying."

"I'm fine Izzie, just a patient…I had to deal with a patient that's not going to make it, and it wasn't easy telling the family."

"If you're sure…"

"Yes…but thanks."

"I'll see you at home, should have an early night."

"Ok…" she said a bit distracted.

"Dr. Grey," we thought you were off today, Tracy commented.

"Yes, but had a change of schedules, we had a nice time last night," she said.

"It was, thanks for including me."

Meredith attempted to get through the day as normally as possible, "Tracy, I don't normally interfere…but…do you like Mark? I mean…I know you're seeing each other a lot lately, but are you looking for a long term relationship?"

"Dr. Grey…I don't think…Mark is looking for a long term relationship."

"I'm sure he's not. I'm just asking if you are?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes, of course."

"I'm not sure."

"That's fair…don't tell him I asked."

"About what?" Tracy asked her, and they both smiled.

Two hours after Derek had left his office, she checked in on the progress of the surgery, and they probably had at least another hour left and decided she should not wait to see Dr. Cameron. She was not feeling well, as her cramping had become increasingly worse and more frequent and now she knew there was an increase in the spotting. She went to his office and was not made to wait.

"Meredith, what is wrong?"

She explained what was happening. "Dr. Cameron, I'm sorry about earlier, you…your news was not unexpected, but it was not what I was hoping to hear."

"I understand that, and I'm glad you were listening and came to see me."

"I know I'm a doctor, but I never really thought about pregnancies, and now…all I can do is second guess what I've done wrong…and we heard the baby's heartbeat yesterday, isn't there just a chance that you could be wrong…that the heartbeat is stronger…that the baby could be ok…"

"It would be very rare."

"But…it could happen…there could be an exception… Dr. Cameron… I heard the heartbeat…I saw how everything was developing…how can it all go so wrong?" she said with such sadness in her eyes, such hope that he would provide a different answer, he deiced he would go against what he knew to be true…and have just a bit of hope that maybe he was wrong.

"Meredith, the heartbeat yesterday was low…"

"It was 112… it wasn't so low…maybe…maybe there's a chance….I don't feel like I'm losing the baby…I don't feel like I'm going to have a miscarriage…"

"You know…I had intended for us to do another ultrasound in a few days…but, maybe you are right…so we can do one now…my next patient cancelled and that gives me he just the perfect time to do this …"

"Oh, but…no…Derek is not here…he would want to be here…"

"If everything is ok…he can come back with you in a few days."

"You don't think it is…do you?"

"I'm going to wait and see what we find out…"

"Dr. Grey, I'm sorry you're not feeling well, we need you to change, and Dr. Cameron will be in right away."

"Thank you Jenna."

A few minutes later, there was a knock on the door and both Jenna and he doctor entered the room.

"How severe is the cramping Meredith?"

"It's getting worse…the last couple of hours…."

"You did the right thing in coming to see me, I'm glad you were listening to me, I wasn't so sure."

"I listened…but it wasn't what I wanted to hear."

"I understand that. Let's find out what's going on today," he said as he performed the same procedure as the day before.

"Dr. Cameron…do we…shouldn't we hear the heartbeat already…" she said in a panic.

"It's ok, Meredith, just relax…let's see," he said, as he listened intently for the sound, which he did find, but very faintly.

"Dr. Cameron….did you hear it…I did…" she said after a few minutes.

"Meredith….listen…that is the heartbeat…but it's very faint…can you note the difference from yesterday?

"No…but I heard it… I did…"

"You did, but I'm sorry…I probably should not have done this…but you needed to know…and it's just…it's very faint…very low rate…it's declining considerably…"

"It can pick up…though…it can pick up," she said as tears rolled down her face.

"No, I'm sorry."

"What…what's low?"

"It's less than half of what it was yesterday…"

"Oh…" she said, and he saw the vulnerability and raw look of disappointment.

"Would you like us to page Dr. Shepherd?"

"No. He is in surgery…trying to save a little girl…"

"What can I do? Can we help you with anything?"

"No…I guess all there is to do is wait…"

"I want to tell you a little of what you can expect," he said, and she listened uncaring of that tears she shed in front of him.

"Thank you. I appreciate all you've told me."

"I'm sorry. But, just remember if this gets worse or you experience heavy bleeding, you need to call me, we need to make sure…" he stopped, not wanting to make it worse by detailing what would happen, "just call me, but Meredith, I think you should go home."

"I will. But, it's easier to work."

"Please, call me."

"Yes, I will," she said, and when he and Jenna had left the room, dressed herself again.

When she walked out of the office, she noticed a missed call from Kathleen, and after listening to her message, called her back. Luckily she thought, she got her voice mail.

"Kathleen," she said, "it's Meredith, I'm sorry we did not call you, things got a big hectic, and Derek had to scrub in for surgery. I'm working, but you can call me back.

Within the hour, she felt the increasing discomfort and after she went to the bathroom, she knew that it was now just a matter of time, and her heart was breaking and she knew she had to leave and sought comfort where she thought she could best cope.

She almost ran into Lexie as she rushed out of the elevators on the first floor, and her sister steadied her.

"Meredith…where are you going in such a hurry," and when she took a good look at her, she knew something was terribly wrong.

"I have to go… I do…it's bad…I have to go…"

"Meredith, tell me what's wrong…what's bad? I know you are not ok…tell me what is wrong?"

"It's over Lexie, it's done…" she said, and Lexie saw the tears begin to fall.

"What's done…Meredith, you are not making any sense, what is over? Did you and Derek fight?"

"No…we didn't fight…but it's easier…it will be easier…I have to go…I do…I just…tell Derek…I'm sorry…I'm so sorry…but…I have to do this… do this alone…baby bear…Lexie…baby bear's really gone…and it's easier to just say…to go say goodbye."

Lexie was not able to stop her as she rushed out the front door and quickly made he wait to her car and drove off.

Derek was scrubbing out when he addressed Miranda and Cristina, "ladies, that was an excellent job, both of you… I asked for the best team, and you were part of it, why don't you go tell the parents their daughter is going to be just fine."

"Dr. Shepherd," Miranda interrupted, "don't you want to…"

"Dr. Bailey, you or Yang… either one of you…you'll do fine. Page me if there's anything later… right now, there's no reason to expect complications. She is one very lucky little girl."

"She was Dr. Shepherd," Cristina commented, "she was lucky it was you who operated."

"Thanks, I'll see you both later."

He paged Meredith, and after not hearing from her began to worry, and tried to figure out where she was, and reached the nurse's station.

"Shep, you look like hell. What the hell are you doing here?"

"Unexpected surgery. Have any of you seen Dr. Grey?"

"Not since a few hours ago," said Tracy.

"Derek, Dr. Shepherd... I'm so glad…"

"Lexie, have you seen Meredith?" he asked noting the concerned look on her face.

"Yes, I want to talk to you…"

"What, what is it…" he said as he led her away from the station.

"Derek, I'm really worried about her, I saw her about thirty minutes ago, and I went to look for you…but you were in surgery, so I was waiting…and not wanting to page you…I think here's something wrong ... Derek, I really do…but I couldn't stop her…"

"Lexie, slow down. What happened, when did you see Meredith?"

She recounted the story, and saw him go completely pale.

"When did she leave? Tell me exactly… this is important Lexie, tell me exactly what she said."

"What is wrong…Derek…what is wrong…"

He told her what had happened with her doctor's visit.

"That's why she said….baby bear is gone…"

"Lexie…she said that," he asked visibly shaken, "baby bear is gone…"

"Yes…but now it makes sense, if she's….if she's…"

"Repeat exactly what she said about goodbye."

Lexie did, and Derek, sighed with relief, "thank you…thank you for coming to get me…I have to go..."

"Derek…what are you going to do?"

"I'm going to find her."

"But…Derek…where, she's no answering her phone, I called Alex, he's home and she's not there…where…"

"I know," he said, "I know exactly where to find her…" he said and rushed out of the hospital.

A/N 11 Jun - thanks for your comments on the last several chapters, especially the last one. I left a comment regarding it, if any of you would like to read it in the review section.

Next chapter is "Shattered Dreams" as in the story, but their healing continues from there, and as I have said all along, Mer's dream does indeed come true. Thanks for sticking with the story, your comments are so very much appreciated.


	102. Chapter 102

**_For Always – Josh Groban _**

_For us there's no time and no space  
No barrier love won't erase  
Wherever you go  
I still know  
In my heart you will be  
With me_

_From this day on I'm certain that I'll never be alone  
I know what my heart must have always known  
That love has a power that's all its own_

_For always, forever  
Beyond here and on to eternity  
For always and ever  
You'll be a part of me_

**Ch 100 – Shattered Dreams **

Derek drove as fast as he thought could be possibly safe on the streets of Seattle without getting himself killed and prevent him from reaching Meredith. He continuously attempted to call her but all efforts were in vain as her voicemail answered, and he had left numerous messages pleading, begging her to call him, telling her he loved her.

He had thirteen minutes to reach the ferry or he'd have to wait almost another hour, and was thankful it was not the peak hours where additional boarding time would be required. Regardless, he was already thinking of other options. He'd hire a helicopter if necessary, because he could not wait another ninety minutes to find her.

He reached the terminal and as soon as he drove on to the ferry, walked to the deck and leaned over a railing. He had to find her. He could not let her face this alone. Lost in thought, he remembered the times they had spent standing on these decks, walking, talking, exchanging intimate looks and secrets between them and her standing at a similar spot with him behind her, holding her close and watching the view, and then the dark moments related to ferry boats, the day she drowned.

He recalled their conversation two mornings ago, her feeling, now manifesting itself in the worst and most devastating manner, and she was alone. His phone vibrated and he answered without even looking.

"Meredith, are you ok," he asked with desperation and fear in his voice.

"It's Kathleen…Derek what's going on, what's wrong with Meredith, she left me a message that I could call her, but she's not answering her phone."

"Oh…Kathleen," he paused, and she heard the catch in his voice.

"Derek…no…don't tell me…don't tell me something is wrong…"

"Yeah…" he said, and they both remained quiet until he spoke again. "It's the baby Kathleen…we're not…it wasn't meant to be."

"Derek, what do you mean, exactly?"

"She's…the doctor…" he began and told her all that was happening.

"I'm sorry, Derek, I am so sorry. What can I do, how can I help?"

"Right now, I just need to find her…"

"Do you want me to go…try to find her?"

"You don't even have a car…" he said and she interrupted.

"I can certainly find one, if you think…"

"I would ask you…I should have called you when I realized it…but I lost all focus…and now, we're about five minute away, I will get there faster."

"Derek, this is going to be hard. Devastatingly hard for her, but you…you are going to feel this loss as well."

"I can't worry about me, I just need to find her," he said, "Kathleen, I have to be there, she has to know nothing but her matters, she's…" he paused, "she was happy…so happy, and now…I need for her to be ok…I can't let this… I can't…I can't lose her over this."

"You won't. Derek, it's going to be horrible, having to go through this, but the two of you can deal this with this together, and I know you can. The two of you have come so far, you will be fine. I know you will."

"I hope so," he said choking back tears, "I hope so."

"Derek Christopher, you better listen to me right now. You are going to be fine, and you better believe that before you see her, because she is going to be full of doubts, and Derek, in addition to losing the baby and all that grief, her hormones will be all over the place, that will not be back to normal immediately. You need to know that."

"I know."

"Derek, call me…let me know you've found her."

"We're about to dock, I've got to get to the car and will lose reception. Kat, I'm not sure how I'll find her, emotionally I mean, so instead of me calling you to say I found her, I'll only call you if I don't. Yes, I'm sure she's there."

"Derek, tell her I'm here…if she needs me, I'm here."

"Thanks Kathleen."

"I love you Derek…and I'm sorry."

As he drove off the ferry he became more uneasy, feeling an urgent need to find her, that her well being depended on that. After getting her voice mail once more, he placed a call to Dr. Cameron who took his call immediately and patiently explained exactly what they could expect over the next forty eight hours and the days ahead.

He realized how much hope he had pinned on finding her there, how much of his sanity depended on her being there. He had been certain she would be. That he knew her so well, that she would rush to find some semblance of closure at the one place where they had shared the magic hopes and dreams for their future.

She was standing at the edge of the cliff. Holding herself rigidly still, her arms at her sides, one fist closed, when suddenly she wrapped them around herself and he first saw how she lowered her head, and then how her entire body was shaking as she fell to her knees and sobbed.

Seeing her allowed him to breathe properly once again, knowing at the very least she was safe, that he would reach her within seconds. Likewise, it broke his heart, as he stepped out of his car and began to run to gather her in his arms.

He fell to the ground beside her and as he held her, her sobs increased.

"I'm here…I'm here now…" he said, controlling his own emotions, forcing himself to be strong for her. There would be plenty of time for him to grieve, but his first concern was her.

"I'm …I'm…" she tried to speak, but her sobs could not be stopped, and he let her cry in his arms until they began to subside.

"Meredith…let me take you home…" he said, and felt her resistance, "please."

"I…I'm sorry…"

"You don't need to apologize…this is not anyone's fault."

"It is…" she said, and began crying softly again, "it is…my fault."

"Listen to me," he said and turned her face to look at him, "you are not at fault…I know that, and you need to know that, these things happen."

"How…" she said, "how can you say that," she argued, "what kind of a doctor am I…and worse, what woman doesn't know how to keep her baby safe…all I do is fail you….and disappoint you….and cause you pain…and I don't…I don't…I can't do that anymore…

I can't…" she sobbed.

"What about me?" he said, as he held her closer, and continued to look in her eyes, "am I not a doctor too…how should I feel when I knew you were pregnant …suspected it and didn't do anything. I knew that something was not right, that something could be terribly wrong…and I'm supposed to take care of you, I should have insisted we go to the doctor, and I didn't, don't you think I'm responsible too?"

"You are not…you are not at fault," she told him adamantly as she reached and stroked his face.

"Neither are you," he said and softly brushed her lips and tasted her tears on his lips.

"I…I can't do this…" she said as the tears flowed freely.

"We will do this together," he said drawing her closer, both arms around her and reached for her hands, to lace his fingers with hers, and released her closed fist and found the necklace with two hearts.

"You…you took this off…" he said quietly, looking at her intensely.

She gasped before whispering, "baby …baby bear's gone."

His heart was breaking. He felt the pain of hundreds of pins piercing it over and over again.

"Meredith…you took this off," he said, sadness overwhelming him, "why…my gift to you…why…"

"Our baby…Derek…our baby…our baby is gone," she cried.

"But," he said, trying to be sensitive and not cause her any more pain, attempting to hide the piercing pain in his own heart, "that was my gift to you…our gift to you…"

She looked at him, and he saw the pain, "I let you down…both of you…I let you both down…"

"You have not…"

"I did…I did…baby Shep…and you…and I don't deserve to wear it…"

"You don't deserve to wear it…what does that mean…that …with our baby gone," he paused, knowing the answer to his next question could break him, "does that mean…" he gulped, "you stop loving me too?"

"Oh God," she said, realizing in the midst of her pain that he was feeling their loss too, "no…I love you…I do…I did not say those words to you lightly…but I don't…I don't deserve wearing it…I don't …"

"Why…why would you deny my love for you…"

"I'm not…I just…"

"Do you remember," he said, "what I told you when I gave this to you," he said holding his hand open, the chain and two hearts reflecting the sun's rays.

"Yes…"

"Do you really?"

"Yes," she said, as her fingers lightly touched the hearts.

"Tell me…tell me what I said…"

"Derek…please…please don't."

"Tell me," he pleaded, his eyes shining brightly with unshed tears.

"You said…it was from both of you…"

"What else?"

"That you loved me…that you both did…"

"Is that all?"

"Derek…please…stop…"

"I want you to remember…"

"How can I forget?"

"It seems you have…"

"How…how…can you say that…Derek…now…you say that…that's so…it's not…"

"Nice…" he added.

"It's not…you know I haven't…that's why…why I can't wear it…and how can you joke…"

"I'm not…I agree with you, it's not nice…it's horribly sad to me that you would forget my intent for this gift."

"I did not forget…you said it was from both of you…from you and our baby…how could you…how could you…"

"Finish…don't stop now," he said, hating himself for pushing her, but wanting her to tell him her feelings not keep them bottled inside.

"How could you force me to wear something that's from our baby…that you said was supposed to symbolize our baby…" she said touching it, "how can I wear a reminder of my failure every day," she said while attempting to break away from his embrace.

"You are not a failure…and do not pull away…"

"You're being so hurtful Derek…why…I've …I've…"

"I don't mean to be…I don't, I love you with all my heart…I do…but I needed you to tell me what you're feeling…and I need to remind you what it all means, what we have together, what we mean to each other…"

"It hurts…it hurts so much…"

"I know…Meredith…I know…and I'm hurting too…"

"Oh Derek…I'm sorry… so sorry… I know you're hurting too…"

"We need to get through this together. Meredith, you are not alone…it's our loss."

"I know."

"I wish I could take the physical pain away from you, but I can't, but the other…the emotional pain…let me share that with you."

"I don't want to hurt you…not anymore…"

"You will…if you forget…if you forget all that this meant…"

"It wasn't just the baby…."

"No. Do you remember what I said…"

"Our hearts…" she said, tears continuing to fall, "you and me…our hearts… entwined

forever…"

"Has that changed?"

"No…no…" she said leaning in to kiss him softly, "no that has not changed," she whispered against his lips.

"Tell me," he said, "tell me what you're feeling…"

"I'm …part of me is numb…"

"Tell me about the other part then…the one that is hurting…"

"I'm…I'm losing our baby….Derek….slowly…our baby is slowly…" she choked back a sob, "I wanted so badly to have him… and love him, and I couldn't even do that right… I couldn't keep our baby safe."

"Do you really love me?"

"Of course…of course I do…" she said.

"Then I want you to do something for me…will you?"

"What?"

"I need for you to stop blaming yourself…because it is not your fault. These things happen…we know this…as doctors, we do know this, and though we may not have thought about it as it relates to us…you know that it is not uncommon…"

"But…Derek…it was…it was our… baby….our baby …"

"Yes…it was…and our baby may be gone soon…but he is always going to live in our hearts…the thought of our baby boy…or girl…are you going to forget?"

"How…how could you say that…how you could think that…"

"I don't…and I know you don't either…but you need to stop…stop blaming yourself, and we need to just accept this and help each other through it …help each other heal."

"Will you forgive me…" she asked quietly.

"For what?"

"Our loss…bab…baby Shep's loss…" she whispered.

"No."

She gasped, "Derek…you can't…you can't mean that…"

"I can't forgive you for something you have not done…and I'm going to be very upset if you don't stop this….there is nothing to forgive you for…you have done nothing wrong…"

"You really believe that…Derek…maybe…maybe I could have done something else, something to keep the baby healthy…I had not been drinking a lot, not lately, you know that, but maybe I had some drinks, not many, but they say one could be too many...and if I had listened to you when you thought I could be pregnant, if I had gone to the doctor right way, maybe there was something to be done…you can't be sure and neither can I…" she cried.

"I can be sure."

"No…"she whispered, "you can't."

"I spoke to Dr. Cameron, on my way here…it happens, there was nothing that you could do to prevent it."

"You did…are you sure he said that…"

"Yes, he did, and now we need to go home, you need to rest."

"That's not going to help things."

"It's not going to keep things from happening, but it will help that you rest."

"Derek…how did you know...why did you come here to find me?"

"I knew…know how much this place has meant to you, to us…our magical night, your dream…your dream for us…our family…it's here."

"It was…Derek…it was…now…it's gone…"

"Your dream is not gone…it can still happen…"

"I don't know…we don't…"

"I do know…our dreams can come true…remember it's part of my dream too…"

"Do you believe that…"

"Yes…I do…"

"Derek…the moment I knew…I might really be pregnant, I loved our baby…"

"I know you did."

He felt her tense and flinch and the barely audibly gasp.

"What's wrong? What are you feeling?"

She took a deep breath, "the cramps…the cramping…it's getting worse."

"We need to go…let me help you up, we need to go."

"Wait…" she said softly, "let me…just…" she stopped as she cried.

"It's ok…you're going to be ok…"

"I'm so scared…Derek, I'm so scared…"

"I'm going to be with you…I'm not leaving your side."

"Thank you."

"For what…"

"Loving me…"

"I'm the one that needs to thank you…you saved my life…you gave me hope again…"

"Oh, Derek…" she cried… "but now…"

"Remember…"

"I…it…it hurts so much…"

"You're in pain…Meredith, I need to take you to the hospital."

"No…it's my heart, Derek…my heart is filled with pain."

"So is mine…for our loss…but most of all, seeing you like this."

"I'm being selfish…I have to be strong for you…"

"All I need is for you to let me take care of you…please…you promised you'd let me take care of you…"

"That…that was when it was…it was us…."

"That was always because of you…you are my life…then the baby…but taking care of you…always you."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too."

"I think…" she said flinching in pain again, "we may need to go."

"Let me help you," he said, and started to get up, but she reached for his hand stopping him.

"Do you…do you…still want me to wear this…" she said holding her hand out for the pendant.

"Only if you want to wear it. I don't want to cause you any more pain."

"I came here…Derek…I came to say goodbye…"

"I know you did…that's how I knew, Lexie told me you said something about saying goodbye."

"My hopes Derek…they were gone…my dream…our family gone…with our baby… shattered dreams," she cried "gone…with baby bear."

"They are not…your dream, our dreams will come true, one day…Meredith, they will come true," he said and kissed her softly, the taste of tears from two heartbroken lovers, two heartbroken parents on their lips.

"Will you put this on again…and remind me…it's from you…and…"

He placed the necklace around her neck, two hearts shining brightly with the reflection of the sun.

"This, this gift is from me…the man that loves you more than I ever though possible, our hearts entwined for always, because you're the only thing I need…in my life, nothing else matters if I don't have you …" he paused, and wiped a tear from her face, "and our baby… who won't be with us, but no matter how much time goes by, no matter where baby Shep will be, we know there will always be a place in our hearts for our baby…for always."

"Oh, Derek…I wish…I wish…I could have held our baby in my arms…I wish I could have seen the look in you face when we first felt him move…when I could place him in your arms for the first time….I'm sorry," she sobbed, "I'm so sorry…"

He got up, and gently lifted her and carried her to the car, all the while soothing her and whispering gentle and tender words of love.

He ignored the need for seatbelts and held her close to his side as he drove.

"Where…where are you going?" she said noticing the direction he took.

"Home."

"No, I want to stay here…I don't want to go to my house, I want to stay here."

"Meredith, it's better…if we're in Seattle…if we're close to the hospital."

"No….I want to stay here, please…"

"there could be complications…please…let's go …"

"Derek…it's a miscarriage," she said, uttering the words for the first time, "there's nothing they can do….please let me be here, in your bed…please…in this place where we first discovered love."

"I can't…I can't let anything happen to you, it's not safe…"

"It will be fine…please…" she pleaded with tears in her eyes, and he gave in.

They reached his trailer and he carried her inside. "Put me down," she said softly,

"I need, need to go to the bathroom."

He took her to the door and put her down, and kissed her softly. "I'm going to take a shower, then I'll lay down."

"I'll be right there, if you need me…call for me…"

When he heard the water running, he called Kathleen.

"Derek, is she ok?"

"We're at my place."

"Derek, you should be in Seattle."

"She did not want to go."

"How is she coping? How is she feeling?"

"She's doing as well as we can expect. The cramps are getting worse, she's in he shower, and said she'd lie down after that."

"And you?'

"I have to be fine. For her."

"Will you call me, if you need anything?"

"Yes. Kathleen, tell Mark and Lexie."

"Derek, this is not going to be easy, you know that. You have to watch her too, any complications…they can become quite serious."

"I spoke with Dr. Cameron, he told me what to expect, what to do."

"Ok. Let me know if she needs me…or if you do."

"I will. I love you Kathleen, I'm glad you're here."

"So am I."

She came out of the shower and he could tell she had no stopped crying, and gathered her in his arms and led her the short distance to the bed and sat down next to her.

"Will you…Derek…will you lie down with me?"

"Of course I will," he said and leaned down softly to kiss her.

"I just don't know…I don't know how long it will be…" she said in an apologetic tone.

"I told you, I'm here…I'm not leaving you."

She took a deep breath, "thank you…"

"Don't thank me…I would not be anywhere else."

She looked at him, deep sadness and despair reflected in her eyes, "it wont' be long, I don't think…the cramps…the …the bleeding…it's worse."

He gathered her in his arms, "I'll be here…as long as you need me."

"Who were you talking to?"

"Kathleen. She was concerned about you, that she could not reach you."

"Oh…my phone…I left it…it's in the car."

"That's why I left you so many messages…and who knows how many missed calls."

"I'm sorry… I wasn't thinking…. I just drove…and when I got here…just…it didn't matter."

"I'll be right back…ok…"

"Where are you going?"

"Get you something to eat."

"Derek, I can't….I can't... eat…"

"A cup of tea... at least…"

"Ok."

He came back and made sure she drank the tea, and then laid down beside her and held her in his arms, neither uttering a word. He continued caressing her, gently, soothingly, while every once in a while he would feel her wince and reach for his hand and then she would rise from the bed and shortly return from the bathroom.

"I was not running from you," she said softly, it had been at least three hours since they had arrived at the trailer.

"What do you mean?"

"Today…when I left the hospital, I could not stand to be there anymore…I had to leave…I didn't not know how much longer I had…how much longer it would be before our baby was gone…"

"Shhh…you don't have to talk about it…it's ok…"

"I want to talk…I need to tell you…I needed to say goodbye…but I wasn't running from you…"

"I can accept that…but, couldn't you let me know…so I could find you faster, so I would know…right away…"

"But you did…the minute you finished your surgery you came looking for me…I knew you would…"

"Meredith…"

"I did Derek...and if you hadn't I would have called you….I was not going to stay at the cliff forever…I was going to come here, and I would have called you…"

"That's… ok…I understand…"

"Do you?"

"I'm trying to…I just wish you had waited…maybe at your house…I could have come with you…"

"I didn't know how much time….how much time was left…and you couldn't have done anything…you couldn't have done anything more…."

"But you're wrong…instead of being alone, crying, saying good bye, we would have done it together, and we should be crying together."

"I didn't want you to go through that…I knew how much it means to you…how much it would hurt, I didn't want it to be something else I disappointed you with."

"I already told you…you have not disappointed me and from the moment you found out about our baby…that our baby would not make it, that his heartbeat was slowly…" he paused, "slowly diminishing, I would have driven here with you, and be here holding you and comforting you and telling you I love you, and reassure you that these things happen, and it's ok, there can be other babies, if you want, and Meredith I could have held you and cried with you…from the very beginning…instead of you here alone."

"All my life… I've been alone…it's been just me…I'm used to doing things ….Derek, so many painful things alone…and I never thought I would be a Mom…I never allowed myself to dream…but with you…since you…I hoped…and now…"

"But you don't have to…not anymore…Meredith…we agreed, not to pull away from each other…"

"I'm not…Derek….I'm not…and all those things…all those things you said…you're doing them now…"

"I wish…so much…I wish I could make this go away…that you didn't have to go through this…"

"I wish the same thing…Derek, and also that you did not need to feel this loss too."

"We're going to work things out together and neither of us is allowed to push the other away… ever again…"

"I won't…"

"I love you."

"Me too…" she said and they again lay in silence, just holding each other.

As the sun had set, it cast and eerie and foreboding shadow over their bed, and Meredith got up and when she returned to the bed he immediately reached out for her and spooning her held her close.

"How long…how long did Dr. Cameron say it would be…after…after heavier…"

"Probably no more than eight hours…" he said.

"It shouldn't be long then…" she said, shattering his heart and hers into pieces.

The night sky darkened in the hours that followed, heavy fog descending eliminating any possibility of viewing the typical starry nights and then the rain began to fall, splattering loudly against the aluminum roof of the trailer.

He held her through the long hours, approaching midnight and still neither could sleep. They lay in each other's arms, waiting for that final moment when hope would be no more.

He heard her whimper, and a broken sob.

"Meredith…"

"It's almost over…"

He kissed the back of her neck softly, tenderly caressing her, while she reached for his hand and laid it gently on her abdomen.

"What can I do?"

"It's almost over… Derek…five days…we knew about our baby five days…and it's not fair," she cried, "we didn't even get a due date…Derek…not even that…"

"But we know…we know…when our baby would have been due…" he said tenderly,

"we both remember that day…" he said, and felt her calm down.

"We did…we do…"

"And we'll never forget …how much love…how much love we shared that day…"

"Derek," she said long minutes after that, "do you remember, when you first kissed me… kissed our baby…and talked to him…didn't even know if there was a baby…but you said…this is the first time," she paused, choking back tears, "the first time we tell you we love you."

"Yes," he said, his voice hoarse with emotion.

She turned to face him, each on their sides gazing in each other's eyes, and she held his face in her hands and gently placed her lips on his.

"This kiss," she said, unable to keep from crying, "this kiss…would you kiss our baby goodbye… a kiss from me…" she said tears rolling down her face.

"Oh Meredith…don't…please...don't…I can't…"

"Derek, for me…please…a kiss goodbye," she pleaded, and lay down against the pillows, reaching for his hand and gently squeezed.

He cleared his throat, and placed his hand on her abdomen, no longer able to contain his own emotions, tears trailed down his cheeks.

"Hey little one," he paused, "it hasn't been that long you know…since we found out about you…and welcomed you into our world…the though of you…made us…" he stopped, "made your mommy and I so happy…but now…we need to say goodbye, and we are so sad…and we are going to miss you…but you are always going to be in our hearts," he said, and continued to hear her soft cries.

He removed his hand and bent over her and placed a kiss on her belly, where their child would have continued to grow.

"Little one, this kiss is from your mommy…" he heard her sob, "who loves you so much, and wanted so much to have you…and hold you and this one is from me…we loved you very much."

His voice had broken, and she had reached out to him, bringing her face near to hers, and unexpectedly he placed a kiss on her lips and whispered, "this kiss is from baby bear…for his mommy," and neither could nor wanted to hold back their emotions and reached for each other, finding comfort in each other's embrace as both cried their pain and heartbreak away.

Her discomfort had become worse, and he helped her walk to the bathroom, waiting for her, when he heard the heartbreaking sobs, and he wanted, needed to go in, but allowed her the privacy he suspected she needed.

She walked out and fell into his embrace.

"It's done…Derek…our baby…our baby is gone…" she sobbed.

He picked her up and sat down on the bed, cradling her in his arms, "our baby will never be gone…our baby…his soul…will be with us always…just as we will never be alone, neither will baby bear…baby Shep will live in our hearts and our love in his…or hers…"

He laid her down, and held her, long into the hours of the night when finally the physical consequences and emotional exhaustion and his continuous tender soothing touch and gentle words lulled her to sleep. Meanwhile, his own grief was manifested by allowing silent tears to fall.

She felt safe, only as he could make her feel, but then as she drifted off to sleep she sensed an overwhelming peacefulness, beyond anything else she had ever experienced, and had she been awake she would have sworn she heard the whispers from a far. A whisper of assurance that prayers are answered, she already had a family and now, though her loss was devastating her prayers had been answered, she had already been given strength and courage and with time she would find acceptance.

Then later, deep into the night, if she remembered a new dream, she would recall the faint laughter of children, again filling their land, near the same porch, but this time, it was their grandchildren. She and Derek stood smiling from their bedroom window, his arms around her waist, nibbling at her neck and then hearing the repeated calls for Mom & Dad, walked out of their bedroom hand in hand ready to join the rest of their family.


	103. Chapter 103

_For Always – Josh Groban _

_And for always, forever_

_Now we can fly_

_And for always and always_

_We will go on beyond goodbye_

**Ch 101 – Always, forever **

Derek held her close throughout the night, attempting unsuccessfully to sleep, his heart breaking each time he heard her whimper. Her emotional pain was evident even after sleep had claimed her just a few hours before.

Meredith stirred, unaware he was awake, and tried to slip out of bed without waking him as she gently lifted the arm around her waist.

"What's wrong?" she heard him ask.

"I didn't mean to wake you…I was getting up to go to the bathroom."

"You didn't wake me," he said before he could stop himself, and she turned around to face him.

"You haven't slept," she said softly, as she brought her hand to his face and caressed him.

"I have…I was just awake now," he lied.

"You're not a good liar…I'm sorry if I've kept you up," she told him.

"Are you ok?"

"I think so," she said and averted her gaze.

"Hey… look at me."

"Not now…please…" she said, not wanting him to continue seeing her cry.

"Meredith…we're doing this together…" he said, as he slowly lifted her chin and their eyes locked.

"I just…just feel like crying…"

"I've felt that too," he told her honestly, and reached for her hand and entwined their fingers.

"You've been crying, I can see it in your eyes," she said, and he did not deny it.

"Do you think it's normal…Derek…this sadness that has settled inside of me."

"Yeah…I do…" he said.

"You're feeling it too, aren't you?"

"I think so," he said quietly and felt her arms around him, holding him close.

"I love you," she cried softly, "I don't know what I would have done without you."

"As long…as long as you let me…or want me…you'll never have to find out," he said, and she heard the mixed emotions and doubts in his voice.

"Derek…" she said, pulling back to look at him, and knew it was time to comfort him.

"Yes…"

"I need to get up…but, I'll be right back…ok…" she asked with obvious concern.

She started to rise, and he quickly followed helping her up and walking with her, his arm around her waist to the bathroom. "Do you want me to fix you something to eat, you haven't had anything."

"Did you eat?"

"No."

"I'm not hungry, but why don't you fix us both some hot chocolate," she told him, only because she knew he hadn't had anything either, and it would be the only way he would drink it.

"I can do that," he said and went toward the small kitchen area, where he was standing when she walked up to him and put her arms around him, resting her head on his back.

"You haven't slept…why don't you go lie down, and I'll bring us the chocolate," she said.

He turned around and smiled softly at her, "not sure I want to risk burning down the trailer at four in the morning," he teased her, "besides, I'm supposed to be taking care of you."

"We're going to take care of each other," she said as she wrapped her arms around him, and let him comfort her, "and…I can certainly heat milk and chocolate."

"You can…can you," he said, bringing a slight smile to their faces in the midst of their pain.

"Well…I know I have to watch that the milk doesn't boil over…that can be quite messy," she said, in the spirit of lifting the heavy cloud of sadness around them.

"You just need to worry about being ok, it will take several days, but that's all you need to do for now."

"Derek…" she said softly, and he heard the hesitation.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing…just that you said something…and…I'm not sure, well, I may know…but I'm not sure what you meant."

"What did I say?"

"That as long as I let you or want you…Derek…" she asked, her eyes filling with tears, "has this changed things…have you changed your mind…I could hear it…the doubt in your voice… what you said…does that mean you've changed your mind…that you're thinking I don't want…or need you…Derek," she said barely above a whisper… "are the doubts I heard…what you're feeling now…do you…do you want to walk away…" she said, a quiet sob escaping her lips, and avoiding his eyes.

"What…why would you think that…I…no…Meredith, no…" he said and cradled her face in his hands, "I'm sorry…I did…I did sound doubtful…but not because I've changed my mind…but because I'm afraid you'll change yours…that now, without, without…our baby…you may want to change your mind…about us…our future."

Her tears flowed freely, down her cheek, "that…that would mean…that it was only the baby keeping us together…Derek…it wasn't…not for me…"

"I have loved you forever…that has never changed…no matter how many stupid things I may have done or said…" he paused, holding back his emotions, "I have always loved you…and if you let me…I will love you for the rest of our lives."

"I…I'm…I'm just afraid…I can't lose you…Derek…I can't lose you too," she said, and her eyes reflected all the doubts and all the love she felt.

"Don't ever doubt that how much I love you…you can't lose me…you are stuck with me…forever…"

"Do you…you really want to be stuck with me…dark and twisty …and now…I know you say I haven't failed you…but what …what if…I can't give you a family…" she cried softly.

He leaned in and kissed her softly, "listen to me…you…you are all I need…no matter what our future holds…without you my life will be empty…anything else…if we have children…that will be up to you…and fate will have its say, but Meredith, if I have you…that is all I'll ever need to feel complete."

"I've…I've never been enough for anybody…Derek…I have never been enough."

"You are enough for me…remember that…for always…you and me…that's all I need…but," he said, his own doubts surfacing, "will it be…will I be enough for you?"

"You are…you are enough…I never even thought about a family…until you…you made me wish for things I never allowed myself to feel…and I want so much to give you a family…babies…but now, I'm scared, Derek…so scared…and I don't know…I don't know how I will feel…and you say this now…but, later…I'm afraid I may not be enough…"

"Meredith," he said, and not knowing how else to convince her, how else to show her he meant what he said, hesitant and doubtful about how to prove to her she was enough, he lowered his head slightly and brushed her lips, then deepened the kiss transmitting every emotion kept under control, with every fiber of his being showing her that their love, their need for each other would be enough.

"Derek," she said softly, "I want to be enough…I do…" and wiping the tears away from his face continued, "and you…you will always be enough for me."

Wrapping his arms tighter around her, he said, "We're going to be ok…"

"We are…I promise you…but, right now…right now…my emotions…my doubts…they are all over the place."

"I can deal with that…as you can see, I'm a little insecure myself."

"We're going to be fine…Derek…we are…we are going to be fine…together."

"Fine," he questioned, and smiled at her.

"Yes…fine…not Meredith fine…but Meredith and Derek fine."

"A new definition…"

"Yes…"

"Would you like to share it with me," he said, while he gently brushed back the hair from her face.

"Our fine…it's so many things… it's us…committed to working through whatever life throws at us…together…it's either one of us not running away or avoiding, Meredith & Derek fine…is you and me…together…and that makes everything in the world…just fine…and fabulous and wonderful…because…Derek…if we're together…we can't go wrong…not again," she stated with such conviction there was no room for doubts.

"We are going to be fine…in that case…we are always going to be just fine," he said, and she responded by kissing him softly and embracing him.

"Derek…I kind of need to lie down," she said, "I'm sorry."

"What's wrong…are you feeling all right, we should call Dr. Cameron" he said and started to lift her to carry her to bed.

"No, there's nothing wrong…I'm just really exhausted…you know…it's tiring…"

"Of course," he said, "let's go…"

"Derek, take the chocolate off the stove."

"I guess I would never live that down…would I?"

"Probably not," she said, and slipped her hand in his, as he turned off the stove.

He helped her to the bed, and she was sitting against the pillows when he came back with two mugs, and sat on the side of the bed facing her.

"Meredith, I know, this is not what you want to talk about, but…we need to, Dr. Cameron, he said, it was important, very important that he examine you."

"I know…but…I'm sure, I'm sure he won't need to see me, not today."

"Meredith…there could be complications, we should go in…have him examine you, he needs to make sure…that…that…"

She reached for his hand and held it, "I know…Derek," she said softly, sadness filling her and tears gathering in her eyes, "I know…there's no mistake…it's over…it really is…unfortunately…I know…" she said and squeezed his hand, "he…later…later he can do another ultrasound…and he'll see…it's done…the miscarriage was complete."

He fully understood her meaning, and it broke down all his resolve to be strong for her, and reaching for her gathered her close in his arms, and this time, it was his sobs that were heard in the confined space of the trailer, as the rain again made its presence with the hard pounding on the roof of the place they'd fallen in love, the place where dreams had been meant to come true.

She held him close to her, running her fingers through his hair and kissing the top of his head, this time attempting to be strong for him without breaking down herself.

Minutes later, she heard him take a deep breath, and snuggling his head in her neck whispered, "I'm so sorry…so sorry…I'm supposed to be strong…for you."

"We don't need to be strong," she said, continuing to stroke his hair, "all we need is to be there…for each other," and gently and soothingly caressing his back.

"I do…" he said, and lifted his head to look at her, "I'm supposed to be strong for you…to help you through this…not break down like this….like…like…" he paused taking a deep broken breath.

"You have been my strength…you held me …as we waited…for hours you held me…and you were my strength and my comfort, and now…" she looked deep into his eyes, "now…all I see…all I hear, is the man I love…grieving for the baby we lost...for the baby we loved…" she stopped and composed herself, "the baby you loved…even before I did…"

"Oh…Meredith…how…how can say that…you loved our baby…as long as I did…and how…how can you be so strong…when my heart is shattering each time…I think of you…your pain…"

"I'm not…I'm not," she cried softly, "I'm not strong at all…inside…I've fallen apart…but now…I have to be there for you…"

"I thought you said we didn't have to be strong…"

"I'm not strong…I'm only trying to do what I'm just learning…to love you…to show you my love."

"I love you Meredith…and I did love our baby so much too…"

"I know you did…" she said, while gently stroking his face, "Papa bear…" she said half smiling at him, while at the same time sadness overwhelmed her, "our baby was the luckiest little one…our baby had the best daddy of all," she said and brushed his lips softly with hers, and each tasted the other's tears, and then she placed his head to rest on her breast and held him close, wrapping an arm around him, whispering tender words and hoping he would fall asleep as her eyes began to close and she gave in to her emotional exhaustion.

Several hours later, Meredith woke to an empty bed, the rays of sunshine filtering through the window, when she suddenly heard his voice outside, and finding a robe of Derek's made her way to the front door, and heard only part of his conversation, before making her presence known.

"Miranda, thanks, I appreciate that, and I'll let her know. No, I have no intention of going to the hospital until she is well, I'll see if she'll agree to come see Dr. Cameron today.

Yes, I will do a follow up visit with her…a week from now, that's the best I can do, I performed surgery when I should have been with Meredith…that is the best I can do."

"Derek, who was on the phone?" she asked standing at the door.

"Meredith, what are you doing out of bed?"

"What are you doing up so early?"

"I woke up," he said, reaching her side and kissing her softly, "and I wanted to let you sleep, but needed to call Miranda, let her know you won't be in for a few days."

"That's good…" she said, "what time is it?"

"It's almost seven …and what…no argument?"

"I know I'll need a few days….before I go back to work," she said as she let him lead her to the kitchen table and she sat down.

"How are you feeling?"

"I'll be fine…"

"Meredith…"

"Meredith fine…there's still a bit of discomfort…but…not too bad…"

"Will you eat some breakfast?"

"I'm not really hungry Derek."

"You have to eat, your body needs nourishment, I'll fix us breakfast."

"I'll eat…while you cook breakfast, I'm going to take a shower," she said, not wanting to cause him any more worries about her health, and wanting to make sure he ate.

He cooked eggs for breakfast, and they ate in silence, though several times one or the other would reach for the other's hand, and offer a gentle comforting touch.

"I want to lie down," she said after they finish breakfast, "will you join me?"

"Of course I will…but I'm going to take a quick shower first as well," he said as he walked with his arm around her to the bed.

Just as Derek walked in the bathroom, his cell phone vibrated and she picked it up, and saw it was Kathleen, but she was not ready to speak with anyone yet. She lay on her side and before she realized it had closed her eyes, and shortly thereafter he joined her in bed, gathering her close to his body and wrapped his arm around her, gently caressing her abdomen.

She stirred when she felt his embrace and placed her hand on his and slowly lifted it away from her belly, away from where she had nurtured their baby for such a small period of time.

"What's wrong," he asked.

"Baby…baby's no longer there," she said softly, and he didn't see the tears fall, but felt her emotions.

"You're crying…."

"Yes…."

"The baby is not there, but you're still hurting."

"Yes."

"Then let me offer all I can…a little bit of comfort…"

"You've given me much more than that," she said and brought his hand to her stomach again, and placed her hand on top of his, "I love you Derek."

"I love you too, Meredith."

They lay in silence before she finally spoke "Derek, Kathleen called while you were in the shower."

"You spoke to her?"

"No, I'm not ready, but why don't you call her back."

"I'll call her later."

"You should call her now."

"It can wait."

"Call her," she insisted.

He did. "Kathleen, I saw you called."

"How is Meredith, is everything ok?"

"She…she lost the baby…last night."

"Derek…I'm sorry, so sorry… please tell her and tell her I want to see her Derek."

"I don't think she's ready."

"Will you ask her, I think it could be important, she needs someone to talk to."

"I'm here," he said a bit defensively.

"I know…but sometimes, Derek…it's good to have a woman to talk to."

"I'll ask her," he said, and looked at Meredith, as he knew she was close enough to hear Kathleen.

Meredith surprised him, when she said quietly, "tell her…we'll call her…maybe later…she can come."

He repeated what she said and before he disconnected, said, "yes, I"ll call you, yes…that could be fine."

"What's fine?"

"She said Mark could drive her here."

"Derek…I'm not…maybe Kathleen…but Mark…" she said, while tears formed, "our baby's godfather…I'm not ready for that."

"It's ok…I'll talk to her…we'll figure it out," now, why don't you try…we can both try to get some sleep."

"We can do that…" she said, and closed her eyes.

"Meredith…"

"Yes…."

"If you want to talk…I'm here…I don't need to sleep, you can talk…you can wake me…"

"I know…you too…you can wake me too.

"We're going to be fine….you now…"

"We are," she said, gently squeezing his hand, "our fine…"

"I love you, he said, and "she whispered, "me too," and they began to fall asleep.

"Derek, are you sleeping?"

"No…and why aren't you, you need to rest."

"Do you remember when we spoke about our baby's soul…"

"I do…"

"Do you think …since our baby was so little….do you think baby souls would recognize…''

"Recognize what…"

"My mother…his grandmother…"

"I think that could be possible," he said, gauging her mood.

"I hope so….Derek….I do…I hope…I want to believe our baby's soul is in heaven…and even though my mom didn't really want me…that now…if she heard me…she'd recognize our baby…because…he or she…was a part of me."

He was overcome with emotion that she was thinking of this, and wasn't able to speak.

"Derek," she said softly while caressing his hand, "do you think it's possible…that our baby's soul is in heaven… I hope our baby is not alone…"

"I think," he said, emotion evident in his voice, "I think both his grandparents recognized our baby…and will love our baby bear just as much as we did…"

"You do…both his grandparents…" she said.

"Yes…"

"Your dad…"

"Yes…I hope you are right…and both your mom and my dad recognized and love our baby…just as we would if we'd been able to have him…or her with us."

They settled into their embrace and finally fell asleep as an inexplicable sense of calmness and healing filled their own souls, as gentle whispers from afar rejoiced at the meeting of three souls, each recognizing the other and understanding the everlasting love shared by the two people that now brought them together for eternity.


	104. Chapter 104

**Ch 102 – Glimpses of dreams **

Meredith had fallen asleep with her head resting on his chest, each with their arms around the other, and that is how hours later she awakened, and found him still sleeping. She lay quietly thinking about the last two weeks of their lives, how dramatically things had changed between them. How far they had come, in the midst of the emotional roller coaster she had experienced, they both had, she thought except at first she had not realized she was pregnant, and had not understood the heightened vulnerability.

She did not want to dwell on it, but the thoughts were there. The night, which now seemed ages ago, when she though all had come to an end between them.

Lost in thought, she did not realize he was watching her until she felt his hand reach out for hers. "What are you thinking about?"

"Derek…I wanted you to sleep."

"You're the one that needs rest," he said leaning in to kiss her.

"I slept…"

"Tell me what you're upset about."

"I'm not…I'm not upset," she told him.

"Meredith…"

"It's not about today…it's not…"

"That's ok…we can still talk about it."

"I don't want you to be mad at me…"

"I'm not going to be mad…"

"You don't even know what I'm thinking."

"Whatever it is, I won't get mad."

She chewed on her lower lip, wanting to avoid the subject.

"Meredith, we agreed to talk to each other."

"Yeah…we did…"

"Ok, then."

"I…I was thinking about our lives, the past few weeks…"

"That makes you sad?"

"Not all of it."

"But, whatever you were thinking about, it makes you very sad, and if it's not about today…then…it has to do with me…hurting you."

"It's over Derek…it doesn't matter anymore," she tried to convince him.

"Then tell me… please."

"The night…the night we broke up…"

"He felt as though he'd been slapped. Not so much that she had, but the realization of how deeply he had hurt her that night."

He pulled away from her in shame. "I see."

"Derek, don't do this…please…don't…you asked me, and I'm being honest, and you do not get to pull away from me," she told him, as tears gathered in her eyes, "you don't get to do this…unless you really do want to walk away from me…and then…it's over Derek…I will get up and leave and we will be over."

He didn't react quickly enough, didn't know what to say, when he heard, "I'll go."

He reached out to her immediately, stopping her from getting out of bed "what are you doing?"

"I'll go…your silence spoke volumes, and it's not as though it would be the first time you let me go."

"Meredith…you don't get to do this…no, we just lost our baby…our baby Meredith, a tiny life we loved, we both did, and I know I have fucked up, I didn't have an answer didn't know how to respond, but you don't get to do this…not now…" he said, and brought his lips together, much as the day he'd waited for her to come back to life, and she saw his shoulders begin to shake as he buried his face in his hands.

"Oh, God…I'm sorry…I am…I'm sorry… Derek…" she said and reached out to him, but he did not react. "Derek…please…I'm sorry…I know you're hurting too…I do…and I should not have said that, but you didn't respond…and I'm a mess…I am…Derek…my life has fallen apart, my heart shattered into a tiny million pieces…Derek…please…I'm sorry…when I saw…I saw our baby…Derek…please…I'm sorry…I need you…I can't lose you now…please…don't turn away from me…I need you…like I've never needed anyone in my life…please…don't be like everyone else…please let me be enough for you…"

"You think…" he said, "you think you're not enough for me…haven't you heard anything I've said…I can't imagine my life without you…and you bring up…two of the most shameful moments of my life with you…how do I respond, when I know you're right, when I know I don't deserve you…when I know I have hurt you both those times…and I don't know if you will ever forgive me…and now…you bring it up…and I know…I can't ever do anything to make you trust me again…"

"Derek…I'm sorry, that's not the way I meant it…it's not…"

"What else could you have meant…today Meredith…bringing up the night we broke up…I can't go back and change it…I wish I could, but I can't."

"That's not why I brought it up…I swear…" she said, and cradled his face in her hands, and kissed him, "I swear…it's not…"

"Then, why?"

"I was going to say…that night…when we broke up…my life…Derek…my heart felt as though it shattered and I thought I would never feel that kind of pain again…but I did…losing our baby…Derek…losing baby bear…that …that is something…that pain…knowing our baby…our dream was gone…but…I was thinking, that maybe someday…maybe there will be another baby…I hope there will be…and that…that night…when I thought we were over…it was really the beginning, Derek…and I was sad, because, things would have been so different if we had not found each other again…that was all…I was thinking what it would have been like…if we hadn't found each other…to know I was having your baby…and we were apart…that's all…I was sad…but also…I was thankful…we had found each other again…"

"You were going to leave…"

"You didn't answer me…I thought your silence meant you agreed…that you wanted to pull away."

"You hurt me…what you said…about letting you go…"

"Imagine how I felt…that night…we've never talked about it…and I'm sorry, I should not have brought it up …not now…"

"I would give anything in the world to go back to that night…and instead of being the coward I was…to have never let you go…to have begged you to forgive me for being an ass…and for us to have talked through it all…and have avoided the pain we've just caused each other right now."

"I'm sorry," she said and looked away.

"No more apologies from you…I've wronged you…too many times, and I understand, but we have to stop…Meredith…we can't say things like this in anger…"

"I wasn't angry, I was hurt…when you didn't react…I thought you wanted to give up."

"You know that's not true…Meredith…before we fell asleep…we were ok…weren't we?"

"Derek…aren't we still?"

"Yes…but we have to stop…we need to talk…not react like we just did."

"Derek…there is no one I've ever loved like I love you…and my reaction…my lashing out…it's only my fear…I'm scared…Derek…scared as hell of losing you…and my fears…my doubts… especially right now…I'm not excusing it Derek…hormones are no excuse…but it's making everything worse…"

"I know…Meredith, I know what it was like to lose you…not just once…and I'm never going to let you leave again…no matter how hard you push back…or pull away…I'm not going to let you…just like right now…I'm not going to let you…"

"We promised Derek…we did…we promised we would hold each other to that…"

"Then…let's remember that… please…because…my life without you in it…it's merely existing."

"I love you…Derek… I do…and I'm sorry…I'm sorry this got so out of hand…"

"I'm sorry too…but…let's work on this…let's talk… rather than assume."

"It's hard…breaking old habits…it's hard…"

"Yes, it is…but we can do this."

"We're going to be fine…"

"MD fine…" he teased.

"MD fine…"

"Do you realize how many nicknames we have?" he joked.

"What do you mean?"

"The MC's…DM…GS…" he stopped.

"Papa and Mama bear…"she added, "those were my favorites," she said as he kissed the tears away.

"Mine too…" he said as she snuggled deeply in his embrace.

"Derek…do you want to talk about it…any of this…talk about it some more?"

"Our disagreement?"

"Yes…"

"Do you?"

"Not now…but…maybe…some of it…later…we will…but not now…"

"That's ok."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"I wasn't nice…"

"We are in pain…emotional pain…you have been through hell…I understand."

"I want to take care of you too…you're hurting too…"

"We just did…we took care of each other's pain."

"Let's not do this…Derek…please…let's stop each other…right away…"

"Ok."

"Derek, we're a mess…"

"Yeah… we are…but, we're going to be fine."

"We are…Derek, don't let me do this anymore…don't let me keep bringing up the same things over again…I want to… I need to trust you…and I do…I just need to work on some things…some of the doubts…just remind me…please…"

"And…" he teased, "if I remind you…I'm not going to suffer the consequences…"

"Ass."

"I love you Meredith."

"Back to that…"

"No, just stating the facts."

"I love you too."

They lay in each other's arms, each whispering tender words of reassurance, and gently caressing the other accentuating the words.

He felt his phone vibrate and picked it up, reading Mark's message.

-I'm sorry. What can I do? I'm here if you need me.

He handed the phone to her to read.

"Do you need him…do you need to see him?"

"You're not ready for company…I'll call him later…"

"Derek," she said a few minutes later, "have him bring Kathleen over."

"You need your rest, I'll talk to her, she can grab a cab out here."

"Derek…it's ok…they can come…I think you need your friend…your brother."

"All I need is for you to be ok."

"I'm going to be. I am, it may take me a little while. But, I need, want to take care of you…too."

"We'll take care of each other…Meredith…one day at a time."

"Derek…sometimes…it may be one hour at a time…like today…"

"I can live with that."

"Well…I'm not sure I would be so forgiving…"

"But you have been…"

"So have you," she said and reached for his hand entwining their fingers.

"Maybe I'll call him later," he said while kissing the top of her head.

Derek, it's late…almost one…you need to eat something."

"I need to eat…not you?"

"I'm not hungry…really…but, it's been a long while since you've had anything to eat."

"We're not going to argue about this. Meredith, you need to eat."

"Why…why don't you have Mark and Kathleen come by for a little while…and it can coincide with dinner."

"Meredith, we don't have to…we can just spend the rest of the day together."

"Derek…as much as I just want to bury myself under the covers…I can't do that all day…and I can't have you do that…we need a little break…a little time away from our sadness."

"I don't want to rush you…you need to take your time…and it's ok…I'll be here, with you…I'm not leaving you."

"I know you're not."

"I'm going to fix us something to eat now, do you want to sit at the table while I put something together?"

"Can…can I just stay here…I'm tired…my body feels tired."

"That's ok…you do need to rest," he said as he started to get up, and she held him back.

"Derek, I am deeply sorry…for hurting you…"

"Hey…it's over…"

"No…please…help me stop doing this…we need to move one…but my hormones, they are all over the place…they are a bitch…Derek, but you didn't deserve what I said to you…and I am very sorry."

"I love you Meredith, and we are going to get through this together...you don't need to apologize…I understood…I did…what you were trying to say…so it's ok…really…" he said as he placed the phone back by the bed.

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"Will you kiss me?"

"You don't need to ask me that…" he said and brushed her lips with his.

"Thank you."

"Meredith…"

"Yes," she said quietly.

"Tell me what you're thinking."

"I love you Derek," she said softly, "that's all."

"No, I don't think so," he said and lifted her chin and gazed into shining pools of green-grey eyes.

"This time…really, just…emotional…"

"Is this," he said, kissing her again and deepening their kiss letting her feel how he felt about her, "better."

"Yes…much better."

"You don't ever have to ask for a kiss like that…or doubt what I feel for you."

"I just…it's silly…I know…but I needed that."

"I know…remember…I can read your emotions."

"Teach me…please…to understand and be sensitive to yours."

"We're learning together…that's what you and I are doing…and we are doing just fine."

"Just a little bruised now and then," she smiled.

"Nothing a kiss can't heal," he said and brought his lips to hers again.

He walked to the kitchen area and began fixing something for lunch, while she picked up his phone, and she sent a text and waited for a response.

-Mark it's Meredith using D phone

-Mer, are you ok

-not so much

-what can I do

-saw your text to D

-is he ok

-we're both trying

-do you want me to call you, him

-not ready to talk right now, he's fixing lunch

-Mer, I'm so sorry

-thank you

-do you need anything

-yes, later, can you bring Kathleen

-you want company

-no, but I can't avoid it

-my favorite dm no avoiding

-trying, for D

-yes, when

-sixish…bring dinner

-does Shep know your texting

-no

-thought so

-will you?

-yes

-please call K and tell her

-yes, see you later, we won't stay long

-he needs you

-I'll be there

-get him out of here for a bit

-out?

-for a walk or something

-ok

-thank you

-you're welcome

-bye mark

"Meredith," Derek said about fifteen minutes later, "what do you want to drink?"

"Just water, but I'm getting up, we can eat at the table," she said joining him a few minutes later.

"We can eat in bed," he told her.

"No…I'm going to go back to bed afterwards," she said wrapping her arms around him.

"I cooked some pasta…sauce out of the jar, there wasn't much else."

"This is good."

"We have some dessert…cheesecake leftover."

"That's good," she said without much enthusiasm.

"I love you," he said holding her close and gently caressing her back, "it's ok…you can be sad."

"I don't want to be."

"It's normal…I do know that…Dr. Cameron talked to me about it."

"Yeah…I guess it would be…I love you too Derek."

"Let's eat."

She sat down and handed him the phone she held in her hand. "I used your phone."

"That's fine…who did you call?"

"I sent Mark a text…well, we texted."

"Mark…" he questioned as he sat next to her.

"Yeah…you can read it, I hope it's ok."

"Whatever it was…of course it's ok," he said and began to read.

He put the phone down and looked at her, leaned in and kissed her, "we're making progress."

"Love…" she said, "trust…" she paused, "rebuilding trust…has a way of doing that."

"We're going to make it…no doubts…not ever again," he said as he held her hand.

"No more doubts…well…maybe little ones are going to come up, but we don't let each other off the hook…we call each other on it," she said and kissed him, " ok?"

"Deal."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Can we…can we…soon…can we start looking at our house plans?"

"Just let me know when."

"They're on top of my dresser…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I told you, never threw them away…"

"Just say the word."

"I just did…" she smiled.

He laughed, and for the first time in many hours, the sadness lifted and their souls bared and shared hopes and dreams of their future.

Far away where time and space ceased to exist, three newly found souls sharing a common bond felt at peace. The two people that had brought them together for eternity were finally getting it right, moving in the right direction. A grandmother, a grandfather and the granddaughter that had joined them years before should have been her time, rejoiced as they watched a beloved son, an extraordinary daughter and Mama and Papa bear finally understand what it meant to accept life's unexpected challenges and realize they had always been meant to be together, and begin to fight for their future hopes and dreams.

God also smiled down on the two lovers destined to be together, knowing the whispered words would reach them and comfort them, promising them the winds had shifted, and that their future, those glimpses of dreams He had given had already began to unfold.


	105. Chapter 105

**Ch 103 – Healing Hearts Part 1 **

They had finished lunch and he was cleaning up the kitchen area, when the phone on the table vibrated indicating a text message.

-Derek, sorry didn't want to bother before but couldn't wait anymore need to know is Mer ok, are you ok

He picked up the phone and smiled. "Rambling text," he joked.

"Lexie…" she asked.

"Yes, do you want to respond?"

"I don't …I don't want to hurt her feelings and she may say she wants to see me, and I' m not sure if I'm ready to see everyone, but we did ask Kathleen and Mark, and Kathleen told her about…about…the baby."

"Meredith, I can respond," he said, trying to hide a smile at the similarities of the two sisters.

"You're laughing at me…at us…"

"Never."

"Now you lie…"

"Not laughing at you, laughing with you…I have never seen anything like it…the rambling, both of you, and she does it on text messages."

She was able to appreciate the humor and picked up the phone, replied and waited for a response.

-Lex, it's me

-Meredith?

-Yes, I'm here with Derek

-Mer, I'm sorry so sorry

-I know, it means a lot you care

-I love you Meredith

-don't make me cry

-ok

-I'm very sad lex, heartbroken

-oh ,mer,can I help

-you are already

-do you need anything, you or Derek

-we're trying to be ok

-can I see you soon, when ur ready

-not today…maybe tomorrow

-ok

-mark is bringing kathleen by later, I want him to, for D

-I understand

-I'll need you too, I'll need my sister

-just call me or text…ok

-thanks lex

-get some rest ok

-I will

-tell Derek I said to take care of you

-yes, xena

-tell him I hope he's ok too

-I will, see u tomorrow

-ok

"Derek, Lexie said she hopes you're ok."

"That's all she said, after all those texts back and forth."

"You can read it," she said and kissed him softly, "I'm going to lie down. I'm very tired."

He reached for her hand and pulled her along with him until she sat on the bed, and he sat next to her and gently pushed her back to rest against the pillows.

"You don't need to be strong for me," he told her when he saw the familiar biting of her lip and the distant look attempting to avoid meeting his gaze, "you don't need to hold back your emotions or your tears," I'm not going to leave you, I'm going to be here, and we can share all those feelings together."

"I don't want to drag you down…"

"Meredith…we lost our baby…just hours ago…my heart is as sad as yours."

"But…I've been strong…Derek…so much of my life…I've had to be strong…and just go on…and now…I can't be…and…."

"You don't have to be strong…" he said while bringing his hand to her face, and gently caressing her cheek with his thumb, "I'm going to be strong for you…and when I fail…because I will, we have each other to hold on to…ok?"

"Yes," she said softly, "will you hold me now."

"As long as you need," he said as he lay beside her and held her.

"Derek…"

"Why don't you get some rest, try to sleep."

"Derek…" she said, as she wiped away the tears that refused to be held back, "I'm not ok."

He reacted instantly, "what's wrong, are you feeling ill, Meredith, please, let me take you to see Dr. Cameron, let him examine you…there can be complications, please."

"It's not physical, Derek, it's just…I'm sorry…this is so hard…it hurts so much…"

"Oh…God…how I wish I could take your pain away…what can I do…I feel so useless…please tell me…how can I help…"

"You're all I need…right now, just as you are, that's all I need," she said and reached for his hand and placed it on her abdomen and laid her hand on top of his, unlike hours ago when she had rejected that touch, "you loving me…that's all I need."

"You will always have that," he said as he held her closer, and gently, softly stroked the area where their child had been.

"I love you Derek…"she said, and allowed herself to accept his comforting touch, his gentle words and eventually slept.

Almost twenty four hours earlier the fading sun cast foreboding shadows over their bed, now, the last rays of sun seemed to reflect the promise of future dreams.

Miles away, six people had been paged by Mark Sloan and waited for his arrival in the small private room near the nurse's station.

"I'm sorry, I was delayed on the way up here," he said with unusual humility.

"Dr. Sloan," Miranda stated cautiously, afraid she knew what he was going to address and unsure it was the right thing to do, "what is this about?"

He walked over to Lexie and whispered, "Kathleen said she spoke with you, are you ok?"

"Yes, thank you for asking. Are you ok?"

He was obviously affected as he shook his head slightly sideways, indicating his answer.

"Look, I'm no sure what it is I want to say to you, but, I felt…I needed to talk to you."

"Dr. Sloan, what is wrong…" Cristina interrupted.

"I did not page you here as a doctor, but as a friend to Derek and Meredith."

"No," Cristina mumbled, having immediately understood the situation.

"You all know, hell the entire hospital seems to know their business, but, there's something not everybody knew."

"Dr. Sloan," Bailey interrupted, "I'm not sure…."

"I am. You are all Meredith's friends, and I think it's important that you know what has happened."

"Dr. Sloan, can you just tell us, is she ok, has there been an accident?" Izzie asked.

"No Stevens, she's not ok."

All of them seemed to speak at the same time, "dude, what the hell is going on?"

"Meredith was pregnant," he said, and paused to clear his throat, "she had a miscarriage last night."

There was total silence, until Bailey spoke. "We don't normally discuss other's business," she said in a reprimanding tone, "but I understand why Dr. Sloan felt he needed to tell you, and this is to be treated in confidence, until Meredith and Derek choose to do otherwise."

"Look, Derek is my best friend, he and Meredith have gone through hell and back, and they were happy, very happy about this, they only knew for a few days, and now, this is going to be very hard for them, especially her. You are her closest friends, she considers you family, I thought you should know, because once she gets back to work, she's going to need your support, and I'll be damned if this is going to be the subject of the hospital rumor mill."

"Dr.Sloan," Cristina commented, obviously affected by the news, "how is she?"

"She is holding up."

"What are we supposed to do? Does she know you're telling us?"

"No, O'Malley, but I will tell them."

Noticing that both Cristina and Lexie were not reacting, Izzie said, "wait, you two new, Cristina, you and Lexie knew."

"Yes. Just the other day."

"At Joe's," George said, "you knew at Joe's."

"Yes."

"Look, people, it doesn't matter who…when anybody knew. What matters is that this is going to deeply affect Meredith and Derek, and I agree with Sloan, this is not another gossip story for the betting pool, so you are expected to be aware of this, and be sensitive to what has happened, and just wait till Meredith or Derek choose to communicate this to you. I spoke to him this morning, she will not be back for at last three days."

"What do you expect us to do?" Alex asked.

"Dr. Bailey, do we call, I mean, I've never gone through this with a friend," Izzie said.

"No, you just wait till they are ready to talk, and when she gets back to work, show your support privately, and follow her lead. You will each know what to do."

"I'm going to drive his sister over there tonight, very briefly, as she's flying back East, I will tell them I spoke with you."

"Dr. Sloan, can we send some flowers with you?"

"Yeah, O'Malley, I think she'd like that."

"We'll bring them to your office," Cristina told him.

"That works," he said, and walked out followed by Miranda.

"Sloan, I'm not sure that was right to disclose that information."

"He's my best friend, she is going to be my sister in law, I was going to be godfather to her baby," he said, and she was taken aback by the emotion in his voice, "she's going to need their support, they are her family, they needed to know."

"I'm not sure how Grey and Shepherd are going to feel about this."

"I will tell them. She is going to need all their support. She's been through enough shit, to have to go through this alone."

"Sloan," she pondered, "there may be hope for you yet."

"You're a softie too, Miranda…"

"Dr. Bailey to you…but today…today…Miranda is fine."

"She deserves better than this, they both do."

"They will have it…Mark…I know it. In my heart…I know…they will have it all."

"I hope you're right."

"Don't you worry…I know 'everything' and they will be just fine."

"You're a good friend Miranda…I know Derek appreciates that."

"So are you…so are you."

The four friends and Lexie remained sitting quietly in the room, until Cristina spoke, "let's go get the flowers…and a card," and then they spent minutes discussing what they had just learned about their friend. Lexie listened in silence, deep sadness filing her heart.

The sun had begun to set and he was thankful she was still sleeping when he heard the sound of an engine approach, and without waking her got out of bed.

He though it would be Kathleen and Mark, instead he faced Richard Webber.

"Shepherd, don't you think you should have monitored the child after surgery, I just spent the last twenty four hours at the hospital trying to cover up your absence."

"You son of a bitch," he spat at him, "you dare to question me when I left the care of that child with one of the best surgeons on my team. You forced me to do a surgery I was in no state of mind to perform, and you stand here on my land and dare to tell me I did not do my job, I think you are the one that should be reprimanded for not doing yours…when you forced me to operate, and if you had to spend the night there, I don't really care, that is your job."

"You should remember, even here I am your boss."

"You are here on this land, because you were my friend, now get out of my sight."

"Shepherd, you need to…"

"Get out of my sight…I needed to be with Meredith, while I was in surgery, I needed to be with her. Instead, because of you, she spent hours alone as she waited to…alone, she waited knowing she would lose our child."

"She what," Richard asked taken aback, "she miscarried?"

"Yes, now get out of my sight, before I ask you to leave my land altogether."

Richard came close to him, attempted to deflate the anger, "Derek, I'm sorry, I did not know."

"Well, now you do."

"Is she ok?"

"She will be fine."

"I'm sorry, very sorry for your loss."

"I'm not going back to work, not until she can. Work it out, I don't care how you do it."

"That will not be a problem."

"You fucked up Richard, you really did…and our friendship…I don't know."

"I understand."

"She needs some days away, I don't care about me, but for her, if you want me to stay at Seattle Grace, and don't give me any shit about a contract, they've been broken before, you will make sure we get the time off we need."

"Whatever you need, both of you, it will be taken care of. I will be going back to the hospital, and I will stay at a hotel the next few days."

"Good." Derek stated.

"Tell her I'm sorry."

"I will."

"Let me know what time you need off."

"About the hotel, you don't have to do that."

"I won't be back tonight. I had planned on staying at the hospital."

"I will contact Patricia, about the time off."

"Derek, I am sorry."

Derek walked back in the trailer, certain the raised voices had woken her, but saw she was still sleeping, buried under the covers holding a pillow tight. He sat back against the pillows and watched her sleep as he thought about the last twenty four hours.

The next time he heard an engine approach, he knew it would be Mark, and not long before he'd heard Richard drive away.

He walked out as they drove up and before he knew it was engulfed in his sister's embrace.

"Derek, I'm so sorry…so sorry for your loss," she said and cried on his shoulder, and

he allowed himself to be comforted by the older sister who had been there for him, unconditionally, and had welcomed the woman he loved into her life.

"I'm so glad you are here, Kathleen, oh God, I am so glad to have you here."

"Derek, I would not want to be anywhere else, I already called home, in case I need to stay a little longer."

"Thank you… I don't know how I will ever repay you…both of you…for keeping you away from your family so many days."

"You are my brother, that is what family is all about, there's no talk of repayment…you know that…that's what love's about Derek."

"I love you Kathleen, and I've missed you."

"We're just going to make sure it doesn't happen again…the gap…the time away…ok?"

"Yes," he said and felt her hug him tight.

"Derek, how is she…I want to see her…"

"She's…I'm not sure…she's finally had some sleep this afternoon."

"Can I go in?"

"Yes, but don't wake her."

"Derek…"

"I know…just…she needs to rest."

Kathleen kissed his cheek and walked inside the trailer, as Mark approached him, having given the siblings the privacy they needed.

The two men looked at each other and it was Mark who reached out to him first, and hugged him briefly while gently slapping his back in support, "I'm here man…whatever you need…I'm here Shep."

Derek took a deep breath, "I'm glad you're here…glad we're brothers again," he said and in acknowledgment placed his hand on Mark's shoulder and squeezed

"How's Meredith?"

"Holding up…it sucks Mark, she should not have to go through this, her life has been shit the last year…and now this….fuck, all I do….even this…is bring her pain…we didn't plan on having a baby…it just happened…and now this…"

"Stop that crap talk right now…do you think she wants to hear you say these things? She was happy, Shep I've never seen her happier about something, and you're going to stand here and tell me you regret…you regret she was pregnant…get your head out of your ass with that kind of talk."

"I didn't say that…just I'm responsible that she got pregnant, and now…all the stress she was under…all the stress I've caused her…it couldn't have been good for the pregnancy…and then even at the end, she had to spend hours alone," he said, deep emotion obvious with every word.

"Let's go…"

"What?"

"Come on, let's go for a walk…a drive even…"

"I can't leave …"

"Kathleen is with her…" he said and at that moment she walked out.

"Guys, keep your voices down. Derek, Mark is right…get your head in the right place, she doesn't need this kind of talk."

"I'm not talking to her…I was talking to Mark…"

"Regardless…I know she doesn't feel that way."

"You haven't even talked to her…" he said petulantly.

"I know what she feels for you, and how she felt about the baby…now go."

"Call me…we won't be long…Mark, we can go get her car and drive it back here…Kathleen if she wakes up…if she needs me…"

"Go. Mark let me have the food and the flowers."

"Flowers?"

"From her friends."

"They know?"

"Yeah…we'll talk about it," Mark said as he handed the bags to Kathleen, and placed the flowers on the small table outside, "let's go."

Kathleen took care of the meal, and then brought the flowers and placed them where Meredith could see them, and sent a silent prayer for her brother and the woman who'd already become a sister in her heart. "Hey Dad, I know you've been near me many times, and watched over me…when I've needed you…I need you to be close to Derek now…say a prayer for them…cause I'm sure you're in special place, a little closer to God…and for Meredith…Dad you would have loved her, because she loves him so much…and just like Mark said, you'd want to protect her, and just so you know, Mark…you'd be proud of him today too…he's being a really good brother."


	106. Chapter 106

**Ch 104 – Healing Hearts Part 2 **

Kathleen opted for sitting on the bed next to Meredith, she really needed to get on Derek's case, there wasn't a comfortable seat in that trailer. Even the chairs outside were uninviting after a couple of hours of sitting on the hard wood.

"Is this a Shepherd habit," Kathleen heard Meredith say, "watching people sleep?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry…there wasn't a damn comfortable place to sit in this trailer," and got up from the bed.

"It's ok…and you're right…we haven't paid much attention to that…"

"I can tell…you spend more time in bed…" she teased.

"I'll be right back," Meredith said and returned a few minutes later and asked, "where's Derek?"

"He went with Mark to get your car."

"That's good…that he's here…and you," she said quietly and sat on the edge of the bed, "do you mind, if I lay down?"

"Not at all, you need to rest, and Derek didn't want me to wake you. I'll go sit outside for a bit if you'd like."

"No…please…stay…I wanted to see you," and Kathleen saw the glimmer of tears, and walked from where she was standing and came and sat next to her.

"I wanted to see you too," she said softly and looking into her eyes.

"It hurts Kathleen, it hurts so much…"she said, unable to keep the tears from falling.

"I know…I'm sorry…so sorry…" she said and reached out to hug her, and the moment she did, Meredith broke down and cried, and Kathleen held her as she would one of her kids and offered the comforting arms only a loving mother could.

Mark drove and both men were silent on the way to Meredith's car, which she'd left by the site for their new home. Both got out of the car, and Mark followed Derek to a spot

overlooking Seattle.

"This is your living room window…" Mark commented.

"Yeah…but that may change."

"How come, you have it all figured out."

"Meredith…she told me she wanted us to look at the plans…"

"That's good, isn't it?"

"Yeah…of course…but she may want to make some changes."

"I'm sure you won't have any problems with that."

"She can make any changes she wants."

"Whipped."

"Yeah… maybe I am…"

"No buts about it…"

"I love her Mark."

"I know you do, and she loves you."

"I wonder why …like now…all the pain I've caused her…I wonder why…"

"Well, lots of us have pondered that…but, hey, love's blind."

"Are you fucking serious…you're saying this to me now…" Derek said indignantly

"Shep, lighten up, I'm screwing around with your head, because you are so ridiculous it's not even funny."

"I don't know what the hell you're talking about."

"That's just it…you're being damn irrational…your talk earlier, about only bringing her pain, what the hell kind of shit is that? She loves you man, she was thrilled that you were having a baby…she tolerated my teasing her and exposing her private life in the OR…proclaimed myself the bestman at her wedding…that non existent proposal you've yet to make, and you are thinking you only bring her pain…and if you're good enough for her…"

"I didn't' say anything about being good enough."

You didn't have to. I know you…I screwed your wife, Derek… she cheated on you, and you've been questioning if you're good enough ever since…what you don't know is that you always were, it was the two of us…Addison and I that were shit…we were the ones that were not good enough to deserve your trust and love and friendship, and you still tried…you still gave her a chance…and me…fuck…you gave me another chance…"

"How the hell do you manage to spout off actual words of wisdom, just when I think there's never been a more shallow man…you shock the living hell out of me…"

"That's bullshit…you know…behind the manwhore exterior…this is who I am…at least to you…to my brother…and the people I love."

"And you've taken Meredith under your wing…"

"She's the love of your life…I owe you…I need to protect her…make sure she's ok…for you…I screwed with Addison…I took her away from you…though, don't get me wrong I did you a favor…but Meredith…I need to make sure she's ok…and safe…the two of you…I need to make sure you're both ok…and that means making sure the two of you are together."

Mark saw the reaction to his words, Derek trying to hold it together, and all he needed to do was reach out and place his hand over his arm and squeezed. "I'm going to be your bestman…and that better be soon…and one day…and I can't say this to Grey now…but one day…I'm going to be standing here on this land…celebrating your first…your next child's birth and baptism…and that is not that far away…."

Derek placed his hand over his, "that's a deal," he said swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Derek, one more thing."

"Yeah…"

"The miscarriage…you can't blame yourself…neither of you can. You are a doctor, you know these things happen, so the earlier talk…the stress you think you may have caused, that's not why this pregnancy ended…you know that…this was not related to stress…and I don't think Meredith would appreciate knowing what you were thinking earlier."

"When did you become a mind reader?"

"Since you became a moron."

"She's not going to know."

"Not unless you tell her."

"Mark…one day…I expect to be your bestman…and Meredith and I…we'll be godparents to your first child."

"You…you never know," he said, and smiled.

Meredith composed herself a bit later, and said quietly, "I'm not like this…I'm not, not usually so emotional…but…now…Kathleen…all I want to do is cry…and I can't do that to him…I feel I have to stop, I'm trying so hard when he's around, but I can't help it."

"He doesn't want you to stop…he wants to be there for you, he didn't even want to leave to go get the car, but I pushed them to go."

"He…he needed to see you and Mark…I needed for him to have someone else…not just me," she said as she wiped the tears away, "he needed…to be away from me a while."

"Honey, he is concerned about you, he doesn't want to be away from you, he does not want you to be alone…not one second…and if that means you feel like crying…I know he doesn't mind…he understands," she said very softly, and reached for her hand, offering comfort.

"He's been …I could not have done this without him…Kathleen…he held me all night… hours and hours…while we waited…" she told her and then stopped when the soft cries kept her from talking, "we didn't even know Kathleen…not even when our baby was due… and it feels…I feel so empty…and so silly at the same time…I didn't even know if I wanted children…until Derek…and now…that the baby is gone…I failed him…him and our baby."

"Meredith, honey, you did not fail him or the baby…these things happen, and we don't understand why…and all those feelings you have, they are normal, but you heal…your body heals first…and your heart heals, with time, I promise you…your heart does heal."

"You're giving me shrink talk," she said looking at her slightly accusing.

"No…no shrink talk…" Kathleen said quietly as tears filled her eyes.

"You had babies Kathleen, you didn't fail…you and your husband have kids… a family."

"And so will you…" she assured her.

"I'm not so sure, it seems that everything in my life is meant to go wrong…like nothing can ever go right…even this Kathleen, Derek and I are always so careful…"she paused, "I'm sorry…maybe…he's your brother…I shouldn't."

"Don't forget…I'm your older sister now…you're not taking that away from me."

"I need to talk…I do…and I can't say some of these things to him, I don't want him to hurt anymore…"

"I'm here…you can talk to me."

"We fought, earlier today…we fought…and we hurt each other…we're both falling apart and we had a disagreement ... and I want to stop doing that, but Kathleen, he misunderstood what I said, and I thought we wanted to walk away…walk away from me…and I was so afraid…so scared to lose him…I'd already lost our baby…and I was hurting and sad…and I need to stop doing that…and he did…he stopped me, but how do I to stop the doubts… this overwhelming sadness….but Kathleen when I saw…I saw my baby…our baby," she said sobbing, "and it was all over…and I couldn't do anything to stop it."

"Oh…Meredith," she said and hugged her, and both women cried, "I'm sorry…you had to go through that…I am so sorry," she said, and Meredith recognized the pain in her voice, and pulled away and faced her.

"Kathleen…are you ok?"

"Yes…yes, of course…you're the one I'm worried about."

"What's wrong," Meredith insisted, as she watched Kathleen continue to cry.

"Do…do you remember…Derek and Mark teasing me…about Mom telling…telling her," she stopped and brushed away her tears.

"That you were together…having sex…you and your husband before you got married?"

"Yeah…" she said and became lost in her own thoughts.

"Kathleen…"

"We were together almost a year before we were married and about two months before our wedding, I found out I was pregnant, almost eight weeks along…"

"What did you do…how did you keep it from people…"

"We didn't have to."

"But…Derek said your Mom…she didn't know you were together…"

"We were shocked, not very happy at first…not like you and Derek…but once we got past the shock…we were very excited, we were going to tell the family…Sunday dinner…and then…that morning, I got up…and before I knew it…the baby was gone…and when you just said….when you said…you saw your baby…it all came back…it did…because…that was the most painful moment of my life…losing the baby…and recognizing…it was…it was the baby …and the guilt…that I had not wanted it…at first…and then…when we did…when we were so happy …"

"It is," Meredith said and reached for her hand, "it was the most painful devastating moment of my life…and I can't tell Derek…I can't…he doesn't need to know."

"I've never shared that with anyone…the miscarriage…only the two of us knew…but…what I felt…what I saw…I've never told anyone before."

They reached for each other, understanding the other's pain and cried for their loss.

It was at that moment Derek walked in the door. "What's wrong…Meredith, Kathleen, what's wrong," he said panicking, and pulling Meredith away from Kathleen's embrace, "Meredith, are you all right, do we need to go to the hospital?"

"No…I'm fine…I am…"

"What did you do, Kathleen, I leave you with her…and you make her this upset, I trusted you to be with her."

"Derek…stop, Kathleen did not do anything…I'm fine…really," she said.

"You're fine, and I find both of you here sobbing?"

She got up and kissed him softly, "I'm fine…we both are, now apologize to your sister because you were not very nice."

"I…I thought…I walked in here…"

"Derek…"

"I'm sorry Kathleen…I should not have jumped to conclusions."

"I get it…it's ok," she said and rose from the bed to walk away.

"Don't go," Meredith reached out to her, "let's finish our talk," she said and sat back down on the bed and pulled her to sit next to her.

"Do I take it I've been dismissed."

"Yes."

"Kat," he said and leaned down to kiss her cheek, "I'm sorry, you did not deserve that."

"I understand, I really do, and before you go, I want to say something to you both."

"Now?"

"Yes, now…sit down…" she said, and he did between her and Meredith.

"This, what you are experiencing, it's probably one of the most painful things the two of you as a couple will have to deal with, and as your sister I wish I could help take the pain away, but I can't…but you have to deal with it…and now, as a psychiatrist, I have to tell you that you need to deal with your grief…you need to talk about it…Meredith is going to want and need to do this, and so are you…don't keep your feelings from each other… each of you will grieve differently, you need to be sensitive and respectful of that…"

"We're trying…" he said.

"Yes, you are…and I have to tell you I'm very proud of both of you…I came out here four days ago, and I had no idea what happened, and now…seeing you two, dealing with this loss….losing your baby and listening to how each is trying to comfort the other…be there for each other…you've grown…so much…Derek…Meredith…you two are going to be just fine…just remember, you have to talk…communication…that is the key…talk to each other…don't assume you know what the other means or expects, talk about it…clear things up… and sometimes…know that all you need is to hold each other in silence, and the love between you will take care of the rest."

"Kathleen…" Meredith said, trying to stop her, knowing she was remembering her own grief.

"It's ok…Meredith…"

"What's going on?" Derek asked her.

"I just want you two to understand it takes time…Derek, Meredith will want to talk…or not…and she may cry, and be moody and her emotions will be all over the place… her hormones will take weeks to be back to normal, in addition to dealing with this loss. Just be there."

"He has been, Kathleen…" she said reaching for his hand, "he's been my strength…my comfort…"

"You are going to get through this…and I want you to know, if you need me, either one of you, I'm a phone call away, and Derek, you don't get to keep things bottled up inside, you need to talk about your feelings. Meredith…he's going to feel differently than you are…but you will need to do this together."

"We are…we are going to get through this together," Derek said, "and you have been a wonderful sister."

"I know…"

"Another common trait…" Meredith teased them, "humility."

"He's the cocky one…not me…"

"Derek, give us a few minutes," Meredith told him, and leaned in to kiss him softly.

"Mark wants to see you…are you up to it?"

"No…but I will…in a few minutes," she said, and watched him walk away.

"Kathleen, are you ok?"

"Yes…thank you…for being so supportive…that meant the world to me."

"I'm sorry…I didn't mean to bring back…"

"Listen to me…you do not apologize for your loss or your grief…it just happened…that for whatever reasons…I think fate meant for us to share this…this moment together…think about it…"

"You believe that?"

"I do…I told you, sometimes God answers our prayers in unexpected ways…and he gave us each other today…for strength and acceptance."

"I believe He did."

"Meredith…if it helps…if it helps you…you can tell Derek…you can tell him about my first baby…"

" I wouldn't betray your confidence."

"I'm telling you it's ok…because he may also need to hear that beyond your loss, there's hope…and knowing I've given him tons of nieces and nephews may help…may help you both have hope for the future."

"Kathleen…do…do you think this happens again?"

"My family does not know why, if I'd told her about the miscarriage, it would have meant explaining to Mom we had indeed been having premarital sex …but I counsel a support group for parents that have gone through this…"

"I did not know that…"

"We've just met…but now, other than my husband, you are the only one that knows the reason why…and you need to know that after a miscarriage, such as yours…there's absolutely no reason for you not to have a healthy pregnancy…just look at me…"

"How long…I mean…I don't think Derek and I are going to talk about a baby right away, this baby wasn't planned, but…just to know…how long was it before you got pregnant…before you had your next baby?"

Kathleen swallowed past the lump in her throat and reached for her hand, "see that…what you just said…that …" she said with tears in her eyes.

"What…I'm sorry, I don't know what I said…I didn't mean to be insensitive."

"Honey, you weren't….you talked about my next baby…you did not dismiss my first one…as so many people tend to do…because Meredith…it was my first baby…as much as yours was…and you will always remember."

"That's what Derek said…that our baby would always be with us, in our hearts."

"And he's right…"

"Kathleen, we've been through an emotional rollercoaster, Derek and I…"

"You have…and it's not over…"

"Do you mind…telling me…how long…before your second pregnancy?"

"I'm not sure you want to hear the answer," she smiled.

"Was it long?"

"Uhmmm…exactly eight months and five days after our wedding."

"Oh."

"Mom is convinced that was the first time we had sex…and her grandchild was conceived that night."

"But…she also thinks the baby was early…."

"Yes she does…"

"You didn't wait long…did you want to get pregnant?"

"We didn't think about it…we just couldn't wait to be with each other, and four weeks later threw caution to the wind…and didn't do anything to avoid it…hence the first of the fourteen grandchildren…"

"Kathleen…the other night…you said you've been through all your sisters pregnancies…I said all fourteen of them….your answer….you were thinking about your baby…"

"Yes…"

"I'm sorry you had to go through that…but…I'm glad you shared this with me."

"Meredith…so am I…finally after all these years…I can share my grief with someone other than my husband."

"I…I may want to tell Derek…I'm not sure yet…but I may want to."

"It's up to you…whatever you do…it's ok with me."

"He's probably sitting out there worrying…we should go outside."

"Are you sure…you're ok with seeing Mark? You've been through a lot of emotions today.

"No…I know I'm going to slobber all over him…but I want to see him too, I'm going to change, put something warm on," she said and started to walk to the closet when she saw the flowers for the same time.

"Kathleen…you brought flowers…that was…" she said but was interrupted.

"No…Mark brought them…" she said without elaborating, technically, it was the truth.

"That was sweet…I'm going to change, I'll be out in a few minutes."

Kathleen walked outside and told them, "Mark, Mer thinks you brought the flowers, technically you did, and she asked me if I did, and I said you had, which technically you did, you brought them, even if they are not yours, so you need to tell her they know."

"When are you going home?" Mark asked.

"What?"

"If you stay here any longer we'll have a rambling trio," he said, and all three adults laughed, just as Meredith walked outside.

"It's good to hear you laugh, what did I miss?"

"Kathleen rambling."

"And of course you were making fun of her…and Lexie…and me…"

"Yeah…we were," Derek said watching her carefully.

"I take it Mark would have been the one to comment on that?"

"Who else?" Kathleen teased, watching her reactions as well, as she saw her walked towards him.

"Thank you," she said, when she reached him, and very quietly, "for caring about us."

"I'm sorry…" he said as they looked at each other, and he saw the tears in her eyes, and reached out to embrace her, "I am so deeply sorry for your loss," he said deep emotion evident in his voice.

"You would have been the most…wonderful…godfather," she said, and broke down and cried in his arms.

Kathleen walked to Derek and held out her hand, and he too embraced her and heard her soft cries, and instinctively understood that what the two women had shared when he had walked in the trailer was deeper than he had imagined, and knew he would ask Meredith, and very likely would find himself apologizing to Kathleen again.

"Meredith…don't cry… please…you're going to make me cry too," he said half jokingly, as he already with tears in his eyes, " but….thank you…thank you for that…you have no idea how much it means to me."

"I think…I think I do… Mark…be there for Derek…please…he needs you…"

"I'm not going anywhere."

"You better let me go," she said suddenly feeling her spirits lifting, and sending a silent prayer of thanks for the support offered by Kathleen and Mark, "Derek is going to get jealous…he doesn't like that you're my semi knight…"

"Semi…" he teased her.

"Yeah…only one true knight in my heart," she said and pulled away from him and kissed his cheek, "only one."

"Go to him," he told her, and hugged her one last time, "he needs you too."

Kathleen was sitting in one of the chairs, and Meredith walked to Derek and wrapped her arm around his waist. "We're very lucky," she said, "Kathleen, Mark, thank you…for being …the best family I could have ever asked for."

Derek hugged her, and walked with her to the chair, sitting her on his lap. "How are you feeling?"

"Better," she smiled.

"Really?"

"Really."

"Hey guys, I don't know about you," Mark commented, "but I'm starving, and we said we would not stay late."

"Yes…Mark…we know you have a late date," Kathleen teased him.

"That has nothing to do with it…Kat, don't be annoying, Meredith needs her rest."

"I'm fine …but I could eat," she said surprising Derek.

"You're hungry?"

"Not so much…but a little."

"Good."

"We can go inside, I got everything ready in the …shall we say small dining area."

"Are you making fun of our dining table, Kathleen?"

"Not only the dining area, but the whole damn sitting area, Derek there isn't one single comfortable place to sit in that trailer…and I ended up having to sit on the bed while Meredith was sleeping."

"Your point Kathleen…they only use the bed," he said ad earned a slap across the back of the head, and Kathleen told him, "don't be an ass."

"It's true…ask them…"

"Kathleen….he does have a point," Meredith laughed, and when Derek heard her, he felt their world would indeed be all right.

"Be that as it may…Derek you need some chairs…something…well, what you need is a real house," she said as she walked in to the trailer and proceeded to take over the role of hostess.

"I was wondering how long it was going to be before we got the bossiness back," Mark teased her.

"You…are going to miss me like hell…"

"Well…you know what….you're right…" he quipped.

They shared a pleasant meal, allowing Meredith and Derek to forget some of the sadness that had overshadowed their lives, and then Kathleen's phone rang.

"Oh, crap…I can't get that…"

"Why not?" all three adults asked.

"It's Jenna."

"Oh shit," Derek commented, "if you don't, my phone's going to be ringing next."

"I'll answer…" Mark joked.

"Have you lost your mind," Kathleen told him.

"No, but you have, I'm joking, I can't answer you phone, that husband of yours would be after me in a second after Jenna opens her mouth…that we're together, he'd find out about our affair."

"Oh, you ass," Kathleen cracked up.

"See…you needed to see the humor in that."

Sure enough, Derek's cell phone vibrated next, and they proceeded with dessert.

"I can't believe I forgot, Mark, thank you for the flowers, they are lovely."

"Flowers?" he questioned, earning a kick from Kathleen and a scowl from Derek.

"Yes, the flowers you brought."

"Oh…the flowers…well, yes…you see, it's kind of a long story, or not, maybe a long story…but Kathleen, you go ahead tell her…"

"What?"

"Ok, what's going on…even Mark's rambling…and this is probably about the same thing you were laughing about when I walked outside."

"Meredith," Derek said gently, "Mark brought the flowers, but they are not from him."

"But, Kathleen said…"

"He did bring them…but…they're from your friends…Cristina, George, Izzie, Alex, Lexie and Miranda."

"Oh…they know…" she said, and became quiet.

"You know I spoke to Miranda this morning," he said as he held her hand, and caressed it, "and that Kathleen called Mark and Lexie…"

"Yes."

"Meredith, I opened my big mouth," Mark owned up to it. "I thought…and I'm sorry, I probably should have kept quiet…but I thought they needed to know…they are your family…and when you go back, I didn't think…I just thought they should know so they can be there for you…and I told them…they damn well better keep this …keep the rumor mill away from this…from your loss.."

"They sent flowers," she said, and tears escaped the corners of both eyes.

"I'm sorry…I should have asked you first…but…"

"No," she said, "it's ok," and reached across the table and gently squeezed his hand, "I'm glad you told them…I am…it makes it easier for us, right Derek?"

"Yes…we would have wanted them to know."

"Mark, I don't know…I don't…know when I'll be ready to be open about this to everyone…but what I do know…is I'm not going to deny I was pregnant…we…Derek and I were going to have a baby…and I'm not going to keep that a secret…if people find out…though it's not anybody's business, I'm not going to keep it a secret…I'm sad, and I'm going to be emotional…and if it feel like it's the right thing to do, I'm going to talk about it…unless…unless Derek doesn't want me to."

"Why wouldn't I want you to…I feel the same way you do… I'm going to be there…whatever you need."

Kathleen's phone rang again, it was their mother, and minutes later her husband.

"Hi honey, did world war three break out, Jenna and Mom called," she said, and paused to listen to his answer.

"Well, I'll deal with them when I come home. Yes, I'm here at Derek's. She's ok, we spent some time together today," and then she reached out for Meredith's hand and squeezed it gently, "yes, we did…yes I'm ok too."

Derek realized then the reason for her sister's crying earlier, and their gazes locked, as he placed his hand on top of theirs, and he saw the tears in his sister's eyes as silent acknowledgment, that now he knew as well.

"I'm flying home day after tomorrow…first flight out…"

She heard all three reactions "oh…why…" and a sigh.

"And the chorus has voiced their disapproval," she joked, "but I miss you more..." and they heard her laughter at whatever he's said, "I'll call you…as soon as I'm in bed tonight…and honey, you should see the shocked expressions on these faces…" and laughed again, "as though they've never heard of phone sex."

"Kathleen…" Derek exclaimed.

"What…you're old enough to know about this…surely," she teased him, and Mark and Meredith laughed.

"Ok honey, I'll call you in a little while…I love you too."

"I cannot believe you just had that conversation in front of us," Derek insisted.

"I cannot believe you are a prude."

"He's not…trust me."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…she knows we've had sex…"

"Plenty of it in fact…Kathleen the stories I could tell…every on call room…"

"Ok…Mark, that's enough…" Derek said with mock embarrassment, "this is my sister."

"The sister who unashamedly announced she was going to have phone sex as soon as we can get out of here," Mark commented and they all laughed.

Meredith, who was sitting next to Derek, leaned over and kissed him, "I've missed all our escapades…surely…you remember," she teased.

"Every moment with you, is unforgettable," he said, and kissed her back deepening the kiss, oblivious to Kathleen and Mark's smirks across the table.


	107. Chapter 107

**Chapter 105 – Family **

"We hate to break this up…" Mark coughed and cleared his throat.

"Then don't," Derek answered, and to his absolute joy, heard Meredith giggle.

"Mark, stop teasing them, help me clean up so we can get going, I've got a phone call to make," Kathleen laughed.

"Let's make it speedy and go woman, who am I to deprive you …"

"Ok, you two with minds in the gutter, time to go home," Derek laughed, and extended his hand to Meredith to get up, "I'll clean up, don't worry about it."

"Fine, you can help," Kathleen said, "three pairs of hands are better than two."

"I can help you know…" Meredith started to clean up, "it's not like it involves cooking, it's only cleaning."

"Sit down Meredith, we'll do this," Mark told her, "oh, I almost forgot," he said taking a card out of his coat pocket, "this card is for you."

Meredith took the card and walked to the bedroom and placed it by the flowers, and by the time she walked back they had finished cleaning up.

Mark was the first to embrace her, "get some rest, and talk to him…he needs to know you're ok."

"Thank you…Mark, for everything," she said hugging him back and kissing him on the cheek.

"Kat, don't linger, I'll be outside," Mark said, and went up to Derek, "remember our conversation…she loves you…and if you need anything, let me know," and they shook hands, and Mark padded him on the back, leaving the three of them together.

"Kathleen, I'm glad…very glad…you were here today."

"I am too Meredith, now you get some sleep tonight…both of you need some sleep, and call me in the morning, and we'll see if you're up to coming over to my place, it's quite lovely…and it may be good to get out."

"I'm not sure…"

"Think about it. You can get some rest there too."

"I'll think about it…thank you again," she said and hugged her, "thank you for being here…for sharing your story."

"Remember what I said…you can tell him" she said, unaware Derek already suspected some of the conversation the two women had shared.

"I will…you have a good night…though," Meredith teased, "I'm pretty sure you will," she smiled.

"Absolutely plan on it…I'll see you tomorrow," she said and kissed her cheek, and turned and slipped her arm through Derek's.

"Ok, big brother, you need to get some sleep…" she said, and when they had walked outside, "Derek, just listen to her…let her cry if she needs to…she may have trouble sleeping or nightmares over the next several days, just be there…that's all you need to do, except you need to talk to her too…ok?"

"Yes," he said and surprised her by giving her a bear hug and whispering, "Kathleen, I'm sorry…so sorry…for your loss, I had no idea, not till tonight."

"What…" she said quietly.

"Your talk with Meredith…it was more than just about our baby…you've lost a baby too…I'm sorry, I did not know."

"Oh, Derek," she said with tears in her eyes, "it was so long ago…and it still hurts…but…I told her…I told her to tell you…because it helps…it helps to heal."

"Tonight…on the phone, he knew you told her…when you reached out to grasp Meredith's hand, he knew you had shared the story with her…"

"Yes, he did…we talked about it earlier…she's the only person that knows…and now you…but, how, how did you know?"

"I know you…and her."

"It was good…very good to talk about it…I hope it helps her, and you…Derek, there's hope…just remember…after that, I've contributed tons of kids to the family…"

"I won't push her, it will be up to her."

"She wants a family…a family with you…you'll both know when the time is right again."

"I hope so."

"I know so…now, get inside…she needs you."

"We needed you too…I hope…talking to Meredith helped you too."

"It did…Derek, sometimes…have you stopped to wonder…how God works in mysterious ways…"

"Yes."

"Remember that…when we were kids, Derek, after Dad…that's the only thing that kept me…that gave me hope…that God looked after us…and Dad did too."

"I remember…"

"Derek…I think…I can feel Dad looking over you now."

"I…I hope so," he said, choked up with emotion, "I hope so…I love you Kathleen, I can never…never express how much it's meant to me to have you here."

"You just have…that's all I need and to know I could be here when you needed me," and to lighten the mood she added, "oh…by the way…I'm sending my kids out here to visit Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith…without their Mom & Dad."

"Don't stay up too late," he teased her.

"Good night Derek," she laughed and kissed his cheek.

"Meredith," he called out when he didn't see her, but realized the shower was running, and he opened the bathroom door, "do you need anything?"

"Actually, yes…please get me another towel, I decided to wash my hair after I came in here."

She came out a few minutes later, wrapped in a towel, and he gathered in his arms, "did you leave enough hot water," he said nuzzling her neck.

"Yes…"

"I'm going to take a quick shower as well, your car kind of got stuck in the mud…and…"

"My car got stuck in the mud…why and how did you get it out?"

"The rain made it very muddy…and a bit of manly efforts from your two knights, got it out," he teased.

"I only have one knight…I told the other one he's only a semi-knight" she teased him.

"That's good to know…"

"Derek…do you mind…I mean, Mark and I, the teasing between us…"

"No…not at all…I have my brother back…and I trust you…completely…"

"But not him…"

"Yeah…I trust him too…"

"I'm glad Derek…because, Mark…he, it means a lot to him to be your brother."

"It means a lot to me too."

"I'm glad he was there for you tonight."

"What did he say to you, when you saw him…you cried."

"I…I told him he would have been …a wonderful godfather," she said softly.

"He would have been."

"Derek…I'm not ready…I'm not ready now, but I will be…to talk…later…about another baby."

"We don't have to talk about it now…we have time. Why don't you get dressed, it's cold in here, and I'll be right out."

She got ready for bed, though she felt she'd done nothing but be in bed all day she craved its comfort, but especially wanted to be held in Derek's arms.

While he was in the shower, she picked up his phone and entered a text message, and felt the vibration indicating a response almost immediately.

-Mer did you get some rest

-yes xena

-you ok

-so so

-mark spoke to everyone, well you know not everyone but

-he told me thanks for the flowers beautiful

-he was kind of nervous that he told us

-it's ok glad he did easier for us

-do you need anything

-yes, want to see you tomorrow

-really

-yes, and would you bring me couple of things

-of course, what?

-call me

-call you now?

-yes, d's cell

-ok

She picked up the phone on the first ring, "hey, thought it would be easier to tell you what I need," she said, and named a few things, including her phone charger.

"I'm off tomorrow, so I can be there whenever you want."

"Lex, I'm not going to stay on now…because if I do, I'm only going to cry…ok…but I'll see you tomorrow, I'll text you about the time…maybe around lunch."

"Get some rest Mer, and tell Derek I said hello…ok…"

"Ok," Meredith said getting misty eyed at her sister's concern over him, "I'm going to say good night now."

"I love you Meredith," she said, and heard her sister's intake of breath.

"I knew you were going to make me cry…"

"It's ok to cry Mer…I'll see you tomorrow."

"Good night Lexie…thank you…"

"Who were you talking to…you've been crying," he said as he came out of the shower wrapped in a dark blue robe, and stood by the bed.

"Lexie, she's going to bring me some things tomorrow."

"She called you?"

"Yes, but briefly, I asked her to call me…I didn't want to cry…but I did…"

"It's ok."

"Yeah…" she said, and got up from the bed and stood next to him, wrapping her arms around him, "you're wearing my favorite robe…" she said and kissed him softly, "and I love the stubble…even if it is a bit …well you now…" she said and snuggled up to him.

"Meredith….are you ok?"

"I'm better now."

He held her, lightly massaging her back, "I love you."

"I love you too," she cried softly.

"Hey, do you have any idea," he said and sat on the bed, and cradled her in his arms, "how very much I truly love you?"

"I ...I think so," she said burying her face in the crook of his neck.

"Uhmmm…you only think?"

"I know…I know you love me…"

"Do you know…when we were…well, when…I couldn't stay over…"

"Oh, Derek…I wish I could take all of that back…"

"Hey…all those things got us to now…it's ok…because…you and I have never been stronger."

"You really believe that?" she whimpered.

"I know it will all my heart."

"What…what were you going to say?"

"I can't sleep without you…I would be up at three in the morning…not being able to sleep…and I'd find myself fishing for trout at that time…"

"At three in the morning?"

"Yeah…the chief even started to give advice that sounded like my life was a country and western song."

She giggled, "I'm sorry, that's not funny."

"No…it is…I love to hear your giggle…it makes me feel alive."

"It…it does…"

"You make me feel alive Meredith…only you…since the first day you came into my life."

"Derek, you do the same for me," she said and snuggled closer to him.

"You ready, to call it a night?"

"Yes, but I feel like a weakling…it's barely nine thirty."

"It's been a long day…"

"Yeah…long twenty four hours…" she said quietly.

"Come on, lie down…I'll join you in a second," he said and went to grab pajama bottoms and t-shirt, and in fact would join her within seconds.

"Derek, hand me the card…by the flowers."

"Flowers are nice…"

"They're beautiful…I'd never seen tulips in that combination of colors…petals of soft pink and white…they…they made it special."

"You are special Meredith…you're their family…and you're special to everyone you meet."

"Derek…don't make it harder for me to stop crying…"

He lay back against the pillows on the bed, and realized Kathleen was right, they needed to get on with their home, this was not the most comfortable…Meredith's bed was much better for sitting up to talk, she at least had the headboard.

He felt her reach for his hand, "what are you thinking?"

"Uhmmm…that Kathleen's right, there's not a lot of comfortable places to sit in here."

"Never bothered us before…"

"Never mattered before…we were…"

"Otherwise occupied…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I'm sorry," she said and started to retreat emotionally.

"Meredith," he said, while he found some pillows and had her lie against them, raising her slightly, and turned her to face him, "there's no need for apologies."

"I...it's..."

"Shhhh…." he whispered against her lips, and kissed her, and cupping her face, caressed her and kissed her again, "I love you."

His face was inches from hers, and brought her hand to his face, stroking it gently, "I love you Derek…for always." She snuggled up to him, and asked him to open the card.

"Don't you want to read it?"

"We both can," she said, and he opened it allowing them both to see the card, and both had tears in their eyes as they read the handwritten messages.

- Whatever time off you need, I'll cover for you. Sorry, Alex.

- I'm so sorry, truly, I wish…there was something more I could do…but, at least…if you need me too, I can cook, so you don't have to well Derek really, or go grocery shopping, seriously Mer, whatever you need, I can make sure you two are fed properly. Please, let me help out, love, Izzie.

- I'm praying for you both, that God gives you strength and comfort in this difficult time.

You are both going to be fine, with affection, Miranda.

- Mer, we love you. We're here, whatever you need from us, from me, you and Dr. Shepherd, just ask, George.

- I love you Meredith. Please let me help, let me know what I can do for you and Derek. I'm good at family things Mer, this is one of those times I hope I can be there for you, Lexie.

Meredith, I'm sorry, very sorry for your loss. I know how much this baby meant to you both. Cristina.

As she read the last one, he heard her sob, "Derek…I'm sorry…so sorry our baby is gone."

"Shhhh…I know…I know…I'm sorry too…so sorry…you had to go through this," he said and simply held her, and let her cry, and as her cries subsided they lay in each other's arms and emotional exhaustion lulled them to sleep.

It was after midnight, when she began to become restless, and he could tell how disturbed she was in her sleep, and as the time passed two, she whimpered softly, and then started to cry in her sleep and she became more agitated, and when he heard her cry out, his heart broke into a million pieces, it was the exact time when she had lost their baby.

"It's not true…it's not…I wanted my baby…I did, I took care of myself…I did…I always have to take care of myself…you can't say that…it's not true…I did, I was taking care of myself…no, it's not true, they're lying…I loved you…it's not true, oh baby please…believe me, I loved you so much…we loved you so much…you were our baby…we wanted you so much… " she sobbed.

"Meredith, wake up…please…wake up….you're having a nightmare…" he repeated a couple of times before we got through to her.

"Derek…" she sobbed, "oh, God…it was awful…it was…and it's not true."

"What was…tell me about it…it's ok…it's ok," he said as he continued to hold her and she quieted down, and then retreated behind that ever present wall of steel.

"Meredith," he spoke to her gently, "you need to talk to me…please…I'm worried about you…what you said…you were having a nightmare, and it helps to talk, it does…will you tell me about it…" he said, but got no response, so he continued, "you know…when I was a kid…sometimes I would be having a nightmare, and my dad would come in and wake me up, and sit up in bed with me, and make me talk…and then it would feel better, and he would stay with me until I fell asleep, and all would be better…but you know," he said stroking her hair, "after he…after he was gone…well, nobody came in…and the nightmares stayed with me…and wouldn't go away…"

"Oh…I'm sorry," she said, and kissed him, "I'm sorry you didn't have your Dad."

"It's ok…while I had him, he taught me that if I woke up and talked about it, they would go away…"

"Where was your Mom…after your Dad was gone…she didn't come to your room?"

"Dad was a light sleeper, Mom wasn't, so she didn't hear most of the time…but if she did, she'd come and make me talk about it too…and it helps…it really does…"

She remained quiet in his arms, and many minutes later said, "nobody came when I had nightmares, nobody took care of me."

"I'm here now…talk to me…let me take care of you," he soothed, kissing the top of her head.

"Derek, all my life…since I was a little girl… I knew I had to take care of myself…"

"Where…where was your mother…when you were five years old," he asked anger evident in his voice.

"It doesn't matter…" she said and suddenly was lost in her memories.

"Meredith?" he prompted, instinctively knowing there was much more to be revealed than just her recent nightmare.

"I knew…I had to depend on myself…she told me…not to depend on anyone…but Derek, with you in my life…it's only since you that I've ever felt it might be ok…to turn to someone, to have someone to feel safe with…" she said and remained quiet, though he knew it was just the beginning of what she had to say.

"Meredith…talk to me…"

"When you said…earlier, you said about not being able to sleep…"

"Yes," he said, and lacing his fingers with hers, gave her encouragement to continue.

"The night, well the day…the day we conceived our baby…that day Derek…I wanted so desperately to turn to you, and tell you I loved you, that I needed you…that I could not live without you in my life anymore…"

"Why didn't you?" he asked and wanted to kick himself.

"My mother…I remembered my mother…"

"What about your mother?"

"Months ago," she continued as though she never heard his question, "I found myself unable to sleep…I could only sleep when I was with you, and it had been weeks since we'd slept together…and it just went on…and…I knew I couldn't continue like that…that night…I was telling Cristina…she helped me you know, try to figure out what was wrong with me, pouring through psych books, and all we could come up with was severe abandonment issues...totally stupid."

"And then I screwed up…"

No…don't, don't bring that up…let me finish …I want you to know…how I've felt…what you meant to me…"

He held her closer, kissed her lips softly.

"I told her…I was having panic attacks…"

"You were having panic attacks since then…why didn't you tell me?"

"You…you said I was no longer your responsibility…"

"I never said that to you…"

"You didn't have to…you told Cristina…"

"I should have known better…not to trust her…Meredith…she was not supposed to say that to you…I have never…ever…for one single second stopped loving you…I said that, which she had no right to repeat because I had given up…I had given up on you loving me…and I wanted to take care of you…I did…" he said, and he had tears in his eyes, "but you wouldn't let me…that day…I thought you'd open up to me…but you didn't…and I sort of gave up…I'm sorry…I didn't know what else to do…except I needed someone to take care of you, and you would not let me…" he said, and she was biting her lip to keep from crying…and reached over to him, and holding his face in her hands kissed him.

"I'm the one who's sorry…I wish I had told you how I felt…Derek, we could have avoided so much heartache…if I'd spoken to you from my heart…and maybe…if we were still together…all those weeks…instead of me being stupid…and us being apart…maybe our baby…would still be with us…"

"No…no Meredith…that is not the way it works…it's not…you need to know that, these things happen, there was nothing we could do…"

"But, I wasn't sleeping…and had panic attacks, and that had to hurt the baby, Derek…I…could have helped…and I didn't…I did nothing to take care of our baby…"

"Look at me…look at me…" he said and forced her to meet his gaze, "what happened, it's not your fault…I could blame myself too…for not being there for not insisting…but we can't do that…Meredith…why this happened we will never know…but we cannot, we cannot blame ourselves or second guess what could have been…nothing would have been different…please…don't do this to yourself…don't do this…please…"

"If...if I had come to you…and talked to you…instead of talking to Cristina…I should have been with you that night…Derek…and told you I loved you…because I did…I told her…I couldn't…I wasn't ready …Derek, I told her, and I should have told you, and I know I told you later…since we've been back together, but I should have told you that night, that being with you, it wasn't about the sex…it never was…it was what you made me feel…being with you…that it was about that moment afterward, when the world stops, and I just feel so safe, so safe…being in your arms…and I wasn't ready to give that up…"

"Meredith…don't you see…even if you didn't say it then…you have already told me…and you're saying it again now…and that day…those feelings you had…that love you knew you felt…" he said, and tried to hold his emotions under control, for her sake tried not to breakdown over the pain he was feeling in his heart, for the loss of time they could have had together, "you know what I believe…I believe our baby knew that…how you felt…how our love was responsible for that tiny little miracle we had for such a short period of time…our baby felt that...but it just wasn't meant to be…but I'm sure our baby knew that his mom and dad love each other so much, if they could…if they could have done something to make things different they would have…and I know…with all my heart that you and I would have done anything to keep our baby safe."

"Derek…" she said locking gazes with his, both reflecting the pain the other was feeling, "it was a little girl…our baby…was a little girl."

He was stunned. "How…how do you know?"

"That dream…that nightmare…I know…they were wrong…Derek…all wrong about me not loving or wanting our baby…but…now, in my heart…it was a little girl…"

"A little girl…"

"I'm sorry…please…forgive me…"

"There is nothing to forgive…and you know what…I feel it, in my heart, I also feel our little girl knows that."

"Derek…that …that nightmare…there was a clock…and it showed the time …the time when I lost her…last night."

"Our little girl…" he said reverently, "she knows Meredith…she knows how much her mommy and daddy loved her," he said and held her and soothed her until she fell asleep.

The rays of sunlight filtered through the window their reflection this morning promising lighter hearts and further strengthening of familial bonds.

Derek rose without waking her and came back later with a cup of chocolate, and sat by her side, "good morning," he said kissing her softly.

"Uhmm…sleepy."

"It's almost ten…you can sleep all day, but it's beautiful out, you may want to sit outside a bit."

"No more rain?"

"No rain in sight."

"Derek…last night…after …we talked, did you sleep?"

"I did…"

"I'm glad…I wanted to make sure you got some rest."

"We both did."

"I'm kind of hungry…"

"What would you like to eat?"

"Whatever you already cooked," she teased him.

"Smart choice," he smiled and kissed her softly.

"I'm glad…you're still waking me with a kiss…."

"We'll make that one of our traditions…"

"Promise."

"Always…"

"And if you forget?"

"Then you will remember for me…" he said.

"I can live with that."

"Kathleen said I should come spend some time with her."

"Do you want to do that?"

"It could be good…I'm still feeling tired, but she said her place is nice, and has a nice view, and I could get some rest there, and she's going back tomorrow, so it would be good, I think…she won't mind I we spend some time there, and she's right, there's nothing comfortable here to sit on…we have to work on that Derek…"

He laughed, for the first time in days, truly carefree, "did you breathe?"

"I don't think I got much air in there…" she laughed in return.

"Great…and I get to hear Lexie later …and Kathleen is now contagious as well…"

"But you love me anyway…"

"I adore you…Meredith…don't ever forget it"

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"I feel a little better today…after last night…talking helped, is that bad…should I be able to feel better so soon?"

"Yes…that doesn't mean you are forgetting and Meredith…I'm sure…our little girl, she does not want her mommy to stay sad."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said and held her close to him, until she was ready to get up.

She picked up his phone while they were getting ready to have breakfast and dialed, "good morning Lexie."

"How are you feeling today?"

"I'm better… I was thinking you could come over and then stay with us for lunch,

I mean…if you want…you don't have too."

"Meredith, stop rambling."

"Did you just tell me…"

"Yes, it's too early in the morning, on my day off," she said and heard her sister laugh.

"Derek, talk to Lexie, she just told me to stop rambling, give her directions to get here, or else she'll really think I'm rambling, when I tell her which tree is the landmark."

"Good morning Xena…" he said, and gave her direction to the trailer, "call me if you get lost, ok, we'll see you in a while, yes…she's better."

"She didn't believe me…"

"She's worried about you."

"Derek…we're lucky…you and me…we…we…our family…and friends…they're helping …helping a lot right now."

"Yes…we are very lucky," he said and sat next to her and kissed her.

"But, Derek…"

"But…is not a very good word…"

"I was going to say…that the most important person in my family is you…you are all I need to feel like I finally, finally can have a family."

"We do Meredith…we do…and if you're ever ready…"

"I will be…not today…but I will be ready, for our own family…"

Meredith was surprised at how physically tired she was, and giving in to the exhaustion went to lie down after breakfast and fell asleep. She woke up to voices coming from outside and went to join them, knowing it had to be Lexie.

As she walked outside she heard her sister's voice, standing by her car, "Derek, you have a trailer, and the other one…the chief's," she laughed, " I wonder if this is similar to the trailer park Izzie keeps talking about growing up…"

"Lex…you have just insulted Derek tremendously…"

"I…I'm sorry…Derek, I didn't meant to, I just thought it was….well, two trailers on your land…it was funny, I'm sorry… really."

"Lexie, don't pay attention to her," he said, as he walked up to her and kissed her check, "she's pulling your leg, besides you need more than two trailers at a trailer park," he laughed.

"Derek, are you ok?"

"Yes, Xena…I'm going to be ok…go see your sister."

The two sisters faced each other, and Lexie walked slowly to Meredith and without hesitation embraced her, "I'm sorry…very very sorry," she said, and as Derek expected, both started to cry, and he walked back to the trailer and gave them some privacy.

Meredith sat down on the wooden floor with Lexie joining her, "how are you feeling? Are you going to go to Dr. Cameron today?"

"I'm better, very tired, but better…and I'll go to Dr. Cameron when I go back to work."

"Meredith…you should …he should examine you."

"It's ok…everything's ok."

"Mer…there could be an infection, I've been reading up on it…and…"

"Lex…I had a complete miscarriage…" she said, "it's …it's ok…"

"I'm sorry…you…you had to know that…" she said and reached for her hand.

"Yeah…I wish I didn't know…but I do…"she cried softly.

"Does he know?"

"No…he doesn't need to know…it will only hurt him that much more."

"But…you…"

"It's ok…I'm at peace with it now…"

"Meredith…I…I want to help…if I can…if you need me…I want to be there for you…if you need to talk…or just be silent…or cook…or something…"

"Cook…you and me?"

"You know what I mean…I really hope you let me be your sister…and take care of you."

"You are...you are my sister Lex…and I'm glad…very glad I have you."

"I love you Meredith."

"Lexie," she said and gently squeezed her hand, "I love you too."

"Mer…you do?"

"I do," she said, and hugged her, "I really do."

Derek watched the exchange from the door, and decided to join them, he'd seen Meredith cry enough, "hey, my two favorite watering cans…how about you come inside…" he said, and helped Meredith get up, and placed his arm around her waist and walked inside.

"Derek…this is pretty small…I mean…where do you fit everything?"

"Great, now I have both sides of the family…both sisters ganging up on me about lack of space."

"Well, we're right, Kathleen must have said something, and she's right, where do you have a comfortable place to sit," she said and both Meredith and Derek laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"It seems everyone is noticing that in the last twenty four hours."

"Well, it's true Derek, this seat is not the most comfortable…and you only have the bed…" she said, and laughed herself, "never mind…that's really all you use anyway."

"Your sister is going to look at the house plans, the ones she didn't throw out."

"I told you she would come around."

"So you did."

"So you're going to build the house?"

"We're going to look at the house plans, and we'll take it from there, "Meredith said.

"Of course that's why you asked me to bring them," Lexie commended.

"You asked her to bring the house plans?"

"I thought it was the right time…we'll be off a few days, I mean that's ok?"

"Of course it is," he said, suddenly feeling another heavy weight being lifted off his shoulders.

"Maybe we can show Kathleen, she's already seen the property…"

"She would like that…"

"Derek…before we go…maybe you can take Lexie to see the land…"

"Are you sure you want to go…"

"No…I don't think I can…not up to the hike there…but take Lexie and then we can go spend some time with Kathleen."

While Derek took Lexie to their home site, Meredith placed another call.

"Meredith, how are you?"

"I'm trying to be ok."

"Are you feeling all right?"

"Physically I'm very tired. Emotionally I'm a mess."

"Can I help?"

"Thanks for the flowers and the card, what you said, it meant a lot to me Cristina."

"I meant it. I'm sorry."

"Derek…and I …we're not going back to work for a few days…but, when I go back…I'm going to need you, keep me from breaking down."

"I'll be there Meredith…I want to be there for you."

"Thank you. Thank you for caring."

"You're my person. Even when I haven't been there lately."

"That doesn't matter, I'm counting on you when I get back."

"I'll be there"

"I'll see you soon."

"Mer, take care of yourself. You need rest. Let him take care of you, he needs to do that."

"I'm letting him. He's letting me take care of him too," she said, "we'll talk soon."

"Bye Mer."

Meredith drove with Lexie into town and to the bed and breakfast, which she had never visited before. "Kathleen this is lovely, it really is," she said as she settled on the couch overlooking the bay.

"We'll plan on coming back here, in fact they have another suite so we can accommodate the kids, even Mom if she decides to come."

"It's good, it's close to us…and I hope you're going to visit, I mean not wait till the house is done, because then, well you will stay with us, the house will be big enough, we haven't talked about it, but it's going to have guest rooms and maybe…your Mom, she'll have her own room, and you…and well the rest I don't know…stop me now, Lexie, help..."

"I could only make it worse Mer…"

Kathleen laughed, "you two are unbelievable, and I am so delighted I had a chance to meet you, and be an older sister to you both!"

"You're very kind Kathleen…I mean, to include me…I know…Mer and I we just kind of met, and it's nice that you'd think of me as well when you think of being her older sister…but...I mean…please don't feel you have to…"

"Lexie…stop rambling, we're family now…and by the way, your influence, the two of you have made me ramble more since I've been her than in my entire life," she said and all three women laughed.

"Kathleen…I think you may have some rambling traits yourself, because it was just too easy to fall into it…" Meredith teased.

"You may be right."

"Meredith, where's Derek, wasn't he following us?"

"No, he went to get groceries and told me he had some errands to run, I think he probably just wanted to give us some girl time."

"Girl time," Lexie teased her.

"Whatever…don't make fun of your older sister, that is not nice," she said, and suddenly felt a pang of melancholy at the recent familiar line.

"Lexie," Kathleen changed the subject immediately, "I think you mentioned you had not been to the trailer the other night, what did you think?"

"I think I insulted my brother in law calling it a trailer park, and then telling him he had no comfortable place to sit," she said noticing Mer's distancing.

"Only what he deserves, I hope he is going to at least bring a comfortable chair to sit on, but I was told…" she paused, "Meredith, honey, do you want to go lie down?"

"No…I'm ok…really…just…"

"Meredith, it's going to happen…you say things that remind you that the baby's not there anymore."

"Yes…not…nice…" she said softly and tears filled her eyes, while she felt both her hands being held, one sister on either side, each offering emotional support.

"Kathleen, Derek has the house plans and as soon as he gets here, we can look at it, and not that they're going to listen to us, but we can certainly give our opinion, right Mer, you don't care if we give our opinion, though Derek might, cause I think he's pretty set on some ideas…"

Meredith could not help but smile, "yes, Lexie, I would love to hear some ideas, and Kathleen should be an expert on what works best in a house."

"You just need to be grateful Mom's not around, because she would make you want to jump off that cliff before you even got started with the foundation…"

"Who's jumping off a cliff?" Derek walked in and asked.

"You and Meredith if Mom were anywhere around those house plans."

"Hey," he leaned down to kiss Meredith, "you ok?"

"I will be…"

"You need a break?"

"No…I'm fine…us fine…"

"Yeah?"

"Uh huh…" she said and kissed him lightly.

"How was your evening last night?" he asked Kathleen.

"You mean before or after phone sex …" she laughed.

Lexie choked on her coffee, and Meredith cracked up.

"I guess the right response is during?" Meredith said with a deadpan expression.

"Let's just say, I had a very good night's sleep, and the minute I land…we have plans."

"Remind me never to ask…" Derek commented.

"Lexie, did you know your future brother in law is a prude?"

"Kathleen, not according to the hospital rumor mill… Meredith and Derek's escapades are rather…legendary," Lexie teased, and sounds of healing laughter echoed throughout the room.

_AN 23JUN -Thanks to all of you still reading, though I can see that is dwindling...it's been a long story, I know, and emotional rollercoater for Meredith & Derek. The worst of their sadness is over as they begin to work towards fulfilling their dreams, thanks to alll who have stuck through the rough moments. Hope many of you will stick around to the end, I don't know when that will be, only that it's as long as I'm enjoying writing about them, as I will finsish the story I intended to write. Thanks to alll of you who comment, that makes a truly big difference in inspiration and trying to get you updates as quickly as I can to move the story along. Expect there will be another one tonight and tomorrow. Happy summer! _


	108. Chapter 108

**Chapter 106 - Best laid plans **

"This is it, what to do you think?"

"Well, it's nice," Kathleen commented.

"It is nice," Lexie told him.

"It's great," Meredith said.

"It's nice…and great, that's all you can say… the queens of rambling and you…bossiness personified," he said looking at Kathleen, "and that's it?"

"Derek," Meredith said, as they looked at the floor plans laid out in front of them on the coffee table, "it's really nice."

"Fine, so there's nothing to look at, it's nice and great and we can just build it," he said, and walked outside to the balcony, and Meredith followed him.

"Derek…what's wrong? That wasn't just about the house plans…" she said softly.

He was leaning against the wooden railing, looking into the distance, "the first time I gave you these, you said it was great…and then told me how you already had a house…and we weren't ready to build our dream house."

"And now," she said going to stand beside him, "I asked that we look at them."

"You don't care do you…this doesn't matter to you…"

"I care so much…" she said quietly, "I'm falling apart…inside…right now, I'm falling apart…because I see you hurting, I've watched you be strong for me…and I don't know if I can ever live up to the dreams you have about that home….a family."

"What…"

"Don't you see…" she said, laying her hand on his arm, "talking about this….right now…I thought I could…but it involves kids bedrooms and French doors…and dreams…and if I said anything else…if I had to talk about those details…I was just going to let them talk… "

"I'm sorry…I'm an ass, I should have realized…" he said, and turned to face her and she walked in to his embrace.

"Let's…go back in…try this again…"

"I'm not going to put you through that, I'm sorry, we are in no hurry."

"Actually, we are…"

"We are?"

"Yes, because we really don't have any place comfortable to sit…"

"Meredith…how can you be so forgiving?"

"I love you."

He hugged her and then kissed her lips tenderly.

"Do you want to tell me what the outburst was really about?"

"It's not important."

"But it is…share it with me."

"I feel…I just feel like you can laugh and tease when you're with them…but not with me…and when I'm with you…all you've done is cry…and I can tell you're keeping something from me…and I don't want to push you…so I'm not asking you…I'm hoping when the time is right you'll come to me…but I thought looking at the house plans might be good, might take your mind off things... but I screwed up again…that was insensitive, and I should have known to wait…and I'm being a jack-ass reacting the way I did.

I wanted you to like the house…and even Lexie and Kathleen didn't…no enthusiasm… and instead…I'm acting like an idiot…"

"Derek…what I'm feeling…when I'm with you, in your arms, I'm safe…and I trust that you love me…and I don't have to guard my feelings...and I'm sorry…that we didn't show more enthusiasm…I know how much the house means to you…so let's go back inside…"

"We have time…another time…"

"Let's go…let's talk about our dream house…" she said giving him one last comforting hug and put her arms around his neck and tilted her head up for a kiss.

"Meredith…we can wait…"

"Hey…when we first saw those plans…we had about 100 steps…remember…"

"How can I forget," he said, and felt her swat his arm.

"Don't push it…"

"Where are we now?"

"We're almost there…"

"Seriously?"

"After all we've been through….hell, Derek…we've fallen…together…and now…it's just walking together…being each other's strength…yeah…we're on our way."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," she said and brushed his lips, and then holding his face in her hands, whispered gently, "you're keeping something from me too," and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "but you don't have to tell me now," she said as he lowered his head and their foreheads rested against one another, "we have a lifetime."

He held her close to him, and whispered in her ear, "we have a lifetime."

"Let's go face the quiet ramblers," she teased.

"I think Kathleen is going to kill me."

"Probably."

They walked back in the room holding hands and were met with Kathleen's slightly raised voice, "Derek Christopher, you are in so much trouble."

"Yeah, I imagine I am," he said, and he and Meredith laughed.

"You are being such an ass…"

"Yes, Kathleen."

"Don't patronize me, the minute you don't hear what you want…you throw a tantrum."

"He did not throw a tantrum."

"Meredith, don't defend him," Kathleen told her, and winked at her.

"I have to…he's outnumbered."

"Fine…I don't like the plans," Kathleen told him.

"What?"

"You asked…well, you didn't really ask, but you brought the plans, and you took me to the land where you're going to build, and now you show me these blueprints, and I say they're nice, and you go off in a huff…well, tough, I don't like it…"

"Oh, my God…" Lexie started laughing, "Mer…is that what we sound like?"

"Afraid so," she said, reaching for Derek's hand as they sat on the couch.

"You don't like it…it's a classic Victorian design with an open floor plan."

"What the hell does that mean Derek? A Victorian designed house in the middle of the wilderness? I doesn't fit."

"Who made you an expert?"

"I don't need to be an expert to know it doesn't go there at all," she said, as Derek studied the house plans, and as she was sitting next to Meredith, reached for her hand and gently squeezed it and said very quietly, "it's going to be fine," and Meredith let out a heartfelt laugh.

"Derek…she's egging you on…aren't you?"

"Nothing like diversion tactics to diffuse whatever that outburst was all about."

"Uh huh…" Meredith commented, "so it's another family trait, that's like Derek telling me he loves me, wherever he wants to avoid dealing with certain issues…"

"I do not tell you I love you for that reason only…"

"I didn't say you did, only that you use it to divert my attention, which I can see through each time."

"Well, I haven't heard you complaining…"

"But I might, there's a lot of years in a lifetime," she smiled.

"You know…I'd never complain about make-up…"

"Make up sex," Kathleen laughed, "a step below reunion sex."

"Is that all you think about…" Derek asked raising his eyebrows.

"Absolutely not…there's all types of sex I think about, especially when I'm three thousand miles away from home."

"Does Mom now she raised such …"

"Watch what you say Derek Christopher…"

"Go ahead Derek, finish what you started…" Meredith teased him.

"Such a fabulous sister," he said, and smiled at her.

"She knows…even if I'm not your favorite," she smiled.

"You are the oldest one, no need to be the favorite…you are much more than that," he said quietly, and the gentle smiles exchanged acknowledged the deep bond that had existed a lifetime.

"I'm getting fresh coffee for everyone, Lexie will you help me with the cups?" Kathleen asked her.

"They are so obvious," Meredith laughed, "leaving us alone," and snuggled against Derek.

"It's the bossiness in her…"

"I'm going to miss her, Derek, this is the first time in my life, I've really felt I'm can be part of a big family…well, except Nancy maybe," she said seriously.

"Don't you worry about her, Mom said she'd keep her in line," he told while kissing the top of her head.

"Here you are," Kathleen said handing a cup to Derek and sitting next to him, while Lexie did the same and sat next to Meredith. "Now, let's have a serious talk about these inappropriate plans."

"Kat, how the hell does he put up with you?"

"He worships the ground I walk on," she smiled.

"Meredith, remember that when we go hone and you witness one of their arguments."

"One thing has nothing to do with the other, you jack-ass, it's not our fault we're both Irish and passionately hot tempered."

"Well, we can both agree on that…and the fact I've been a jack-ass, right Meredith?"

"I've only called you a jack-ass twice…"

"Mr. Levangie," Lexie murmured.

"How… do you now about that?" Meredith asked.

"Come on Mer, everything about you and McDreamy is hospital gossip."

"But you weren't there….that was a long time ago."

"Please…you two are the favorite form of entertainment, some stories are repeated, like the two of you in the car," she said and Meredith glared at her, "oh…sorry."

"Don't stop now…" Kathleen encouraged, "what was that about?"

"Apparently, Derek was a real jack-ass, sorry…you kind of were…"

"Xena, I may have to change my mind about you…"

"You are not…I've been you're staunchest supporter…"

"That you have."

"Don't mind me," Meredith quipped.

"You can tell the story," Lexie told her.

"No…go ahead, I'm interested in seeing what's out there."

"Well, Derek and Meredith had been caught by Dr. Bailey…"

"Wait a minute, what does that have to do with anything?" Meredith interrupted.

"It's part of the story Mer…otherwise Derek would be an even bigger jack-ass," she said with a serious expression, and proceeded to tell the story, which had Kathleen cracking up.

"That," Derek said, "was pathetically accurate."

"The best part, that always makes me laugh though, Kathleen, the patient told Meredith, if Derek didn't marry her, he would."

"Derek," Meredith said seriously, "I think we need to start collecting royalties each time a story is told, if we're going to be the entertainment highlight of Seattle Grace, we could pay for part of the house that way," and the room finally echoed with laughter.

"Derek, can I give you a word of advice, as your wiser older sister?"

"Can I stop you?"

"Brainless," she said and swatted the back of his head.

"Ow…"

"What is it Kathleen," Meredith asked.

"Whatever you do, when Mom visits, keep her away from the hospital."

"That is an excellent idea Kathleen," Meredith laughed.

"I don't think she'd be ready for your Bailey and tequila story."

"Oh God…" Meredith sighed.

"Meredith…" Derek murmured while giving her their look.

"Derek…"

"That was well worth whatever else has happened…" he teased.

Snuggling up to him, she whispered for his ears only, "best ride of my life," and they both delighted in each other's laughter.

"No secrets…what did you say Meredith?"

"Not in your life Xena…not in your life"

Kathleen's phone rang, "oh no…not Jenna again, Derek you answer her."

"I can't answer her."

"I will…" Meredith said, and reached for the phone.

"Are you crazy?" Kathleen told her.

"No, they have to know you were here sometime, "she said, but Kathleen would not let her have the phone.

"Derek, Kathleen, we're going to have to deal with this."

"Mer, you have no idea what can of worms you're opening if you do that."

"We have to deal with it at some point, if the phone rings again, let me talk to her."

"Do you know what you're doing?"

"Yes, Kathleen, who better to answer the questions."

"Meredith, we don't have to give anyone any explanations," Derek told her.

"We do Derek. I've just spent four days learning about family…so, yeah…we do," she said just as the phone rang again, and she extended her hand.

"But it's Mom," Kathleen said.

Meredith reached for the phone and answered, "Hello."

"Kathleen, is that you?"

"No, Mrs. Shepherd, it's Meredith."

"Oh dear, I must have dialed Derek's number instead of Kathleen's."

"No, actually, Derek and I are with Kathleen."

"You're what? What's wrong, why didn't she answer, is she all right, did something happen to her, that she can't answer the phone? Oh my God has she been in an accident or Derek…?"

"Oh…no, of course not, she's all right, Derek's ok," Meredith assured her, never having expected that to be the reaction, " it's just they've been avoiding answering the phone when you and Jenna called last night, and Jenna just called again, so I figured it was time somebody answered."

Derek and Kathleen looked at her with a horrified look on their faces, as though she had totally lost her mind."

"Meredith, sweetheart, put Kathleen on the phone."

"Mrs. Shepherd, I can't do that, because, it's really ...the story to tell, it's sort of my fault that she's here, so it wouldn't be fair that she have to tell you about it…so, if you don't mind…I'll tell you why she's here…"

"Meredith, stop rambling," Lexie told her.

"Be quiet," she told Lexie.

"Meredith, did you just tell me to be quiet?"

"No, no…that was Lexie, my sister."

"Meredith, who else is there, are you having a party?"

"Not exactly," she said unsure what to say next, now that she was faced with answering questions.

"Meredith Grey…you will tell me what's going on right now," she said in her most practiced motherly stern voice.

"Well, it's a long story…"

"I have all the time in the world, and by the way, tell my children they are not too old to get their ears boxed."

"Do you want me to tell them that now?"

"Yes, if you please," she said and Meredith repeated it.

"Mrs. Shepherd, you know, Derek and I have had a bit of a …well, ups and downs in our relationship."

"I'm somewhat aware."

"We broke up, earlier in the week, we broke up."

"Oh dear, I'm sorry, I had no idea. But wait, you said Derek and Kathleen were there."

"Yes, maybe I'll just tell you all at the same time."

"That might be a good idea."

"Both Derek and I were very upset, so much in fact that Derek had spoken to Kathleen, and he knew she had to fly out west for a consultation, and two nights ago he called her and asked if she would mind coming to Seattle before she went home, and she did, she came two nights ago, and she's going home tomorrow."

Derek and Kathleen looked at each other incredulity in their faces.

"Derek, she lied to Mom, she plain out right lied to Mom, let me have your phone, quickly."

"Why…"

"Just do it."

He handed it over and she dialed, and spoke quietly away from where Meredith was sitting, but Derek could hear, "yes, it's Derek's phone, it's a long story, and I'll call you back, but honey, whatever you do, don't speak to either Mom or Jenna before you speak to me. No, nothing is wrong, but honey, Mer is talking to Mom now, and she plain out lied to her about my being here…I want to laugh, but she'll hear me…so let me wait to see what else she tells her and I will call you and fill you in…oh my God….she lied to Mom…she's making up this whole story. Well not really, but semi-story…what...I'm not rambling…"

"Kathleen, you're not pregnant are you…?"

"WHAT!!"

"Hon, you always rambled when you were pregnant."

"You are a dead man if I am…are you forgetting I'm closer to fifty years old than …"

"But you're still sexy as hell…can't keep my hands off you…and Kat, are you forgetting I had a vasectomy."

"Oh… you are going to pay for that…dearly…to take advantage and say something like that when I'm dealing with a crisis."

"I can't wait."

"I've got to go, I have to hear what she's saying to Mom, I'll call you, and don't talk to them until I call you back."

I love you, Kat."

"I love you too."

"Derek, what did I miss?"

"Nothing, Mom's been doing most of the talking."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith continued, "Derek and I love each other very much, we do…but we thought it was over between us, and we both were very upset, and Derek called Kathleen and asked if she would take a detour on the way home and she did, except by the time she got here, Derek and I had talked and we had made a commitment to work on our relationship."

"Why did she fly out there, if you two had worked things out."

"She was already on a flight here and when she got here…it was actually very important to Derek to be able to see her and spend some time with her, and then we met and it's been really a blessing that she was here for us…because, we were not in very good place…"

"Are you ok, Meredith…you don't sound like everything is ok?"

"We've…we've had to deal with some issues, but we're ok now….and Kathleen helped us a lot….her being here made a big difference to us, and we will always be grateful."

"Why didn't they want to talk to me?"

"Because…well, I'm a very private person….and Kathleen and Derek really weren't sure how much I would want her to discuss about our problems, but…she's looking at me now like I have two heads….because she doesn't know that when she goes back home…I'm going to ask her to tell you about her trip here…and how much it meant to have her here."

"Meredith, sweetheart, is there anything I can do….anything I can help you with?"

"Mrs. Shepherd," she said a bit teary eyed, "you already have."

"How is that Meredith?"

"I have your son to love…and he loves me…and Kathleen…she showed me what it's like to have a family."

Neither Derek or Kathleen could believe the conversation, and each as well as Lexie had glimmer of tears in their eyes.

"Meredith, you do not get to make me cry, and I will tell you something, you and I are not going to wait a year to meet."

"I hope not…Mrs. Shepherd, I hope we won't have to wait," she said sincerely.

"Now you tell my children, I expect a phone call from each of them later today."

"I will make sure they call you."

"Meredith, I can see why they wouldn't pick up my call, since they can't lie to me, but why aren't they answering Jenna's calls."

"Apparently, they can't lie to her either…and didn't know how much of our private issues I wanted discussed with the family."

"Meredith…one day…I'm going to get the full story, and I want you to know…I've already forgiven you for only telling me half the story."

"What?"

"Sweetheart, I've raised five kids and tons of grandchildren….a mother always knows when one of her kids is not telling the entire story…"

"But…I'm…I'm not…"

"One of my kids…."

"I don't mean to be disrespectful."

"You weren't, but I just want you to know, the fact that Kathleen is there, and she's trying to protect you…protect your privacy ,tells me you're worthy of being one of my kids….and I'm looking forward to the day you feel you can trust me enough to tell me what it is that is making you sad right now…"

"How…how do you know…"

"I'm a mother…who loves her children…and you are already loved by two of mine."

"Mrs., Shepherd," she paused, unable to contain the tears, "one day…one day…I'll tell you."

"Are you all right now?"

"Yes, I have Derek…and Kathleen, Lexie, that's my sister, and Mark he's been wonderful…and my other family…my friends here."

"Sweetheart, tell my kids I love them…and that I'm not going to be mad, and I'm not going to ask any questions, not until you're ready to tell me yourself."

"Thank you…you have no idea what talking to you means to me."

"I think I do…because it's a very similar emotion to what I'm feeling right now"

"Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Yes, dear."

"Tell Jenna…tell her that Derek and I will be there…for the baptism, we'll be there."

"I'm sure that is why she was calling, she is driving us all crazy."

"I know…she's Derek's favorite.'

"Oh…no…Meredith…Kathleen, Kathleen and Derek they are the ones with the special relationship…the special bond…Jenna & Derek…she's just the baby, and he's spoiled her for years, but Kathleen, they're each other's favorite."

"I think you're right."

"Now... don't let them of the hook too quickly, let them sweat it out a little bit before you tell them what I said…"

"I will…that will be part of the fun."

"Meredith…"

"Yes…"

"Will you call me…in a few days…tell me how things are? If you and Derek area ok?"

"Yes, yes… I will."

"Ok dear, you have a nice afternoon…"

"Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Yes."

"We were looking at house plans…the house Derek is building…our home, and Kathleen doesn't like them, so Derek was not really pleased with her."

Derek and Kathleen could only hear Mer's laughter, and knew it was the same at the other end of the line.

"Meredith," Derek and Kathleen said at the same time, a bit in shock at the conversation they'd just heard.

"She's very easy to talk to, I don't now why the two of you could not be honest."

"What?" they echoed.

"You…you just lied to my mother…made up a whole story…well half the story is a lie…she's never going to forgive you…or us…Mer, you lied to her…she's going to be livid."

"She already knows I lied…" she stated matter of factly.

"She knows…my mother told you, she knows you lied…" Derek questioned.

"Yes."

"And you are not…you don't think that it's odd, that you are not realizing the seriousness of the situation," Derek said cautiously.

"I'm supposed to wait a little while before I tell you what she said."

"Mom…" Kathleen said, " Mom gave you instructions?"

"Of sorts…."

"Meredith Grey….you will tell us everything she said right now, or so help me…I' m going to disown you," Kathleen yelled at her.

"You are not."

"If she doesn't, I will," Lexie spoke up.

"Lexie…whose side are you on?"

"Derek & Kathleen's," she stated without hesitation.

"Really…." Meredith challenged.

"Cut the crap Mer…tell them what their mother said."

"You really need to remember, "I'm the older sister."

"So should you…you ungrateful…" Kathleen said.

"I'm sorry," Meredith reacted immediately to Kathleen's comment, raising old doubts and insecurities, "I'm sorry…I am being ungrateful, you've been …you went out of your way to be here…I should not have joked about this, I'm sorry, I'll tell you," she said, and they saw the tears gathering in her eyes.

"Oh…no…honey, Meredith…I'm kidding, I wasn't yelling, I mean I was, but that's the way I'd talk to any of my sisters…or Derek…"

"It's ok," she said and Derek immediately recognized the first signs of detachment.

"It's not, and I'm the one who is sorry, obviously the conversation with Mom was important to you…we could tell….and it's your right to tell us or not. You were right, from what we heard, we should have talked to her."

"Kathleen…Lexie… I have a lot to learn about families," she said, emotion evident in her voice, "but there's one thing I know for certain…"

"What's that," Derek asked gently, as he gently soothed her by stroking her hand.

"I'm very thankful that you are my family…that very old prayer, has been finally answered.," she said, as Derek held her close to him.

"I have to call my husband…he's going to kill me if Mom gets to him first," Kathleen said.

"Wait, you have to hear what your Mom said first," Meredith stalled her, and proceeded to tell Mrs. Shepherd's end of the conversation to both the surprise of her children.

"Meredith, you told Mom we were going to be there…for Jenna's baby…we don't have to…we…we don't have to go."

"We do…"

"Honey," Kathleen said gently, "we would understand, it's …it would be…"

"About the same time our baby would have been born…our baby girl would be about the same age, I know….but we should be there….Derek needs to be there with his family."

"You…you are my family…" he said.

"And I'm going to be with you," she said and kissed him softly, "it will be fine."

"I don't know about you, but I'm starving, " Lexie said, hoping to change the subject..

"I ordered lunch from a really good restaurant in town, they should be here shortly."

"You did…" Meredith asked him, "where, when?"

"While the three of you were planning ways to gang up on me about the house plans."

"We did not…" all three women spoke up.

"Right…"

"We didn't…Derek, honestly, I would not lie to you."

"Xena…"

"What…"

"You'd lie to protect your sister," he challenged.

"Well…maybe, but I'm not lying now," she said and he laughed.

"All kidding aside," Meredith stated, "let's look at these before your Mom gets out here and takes over."

"My Mom is coming, you did not say that…"

"Neither did she…but that doesn't mean she won't, so let's get started."

"So…Kat, why don't you like this?"

"I already told you…I don't think it fits with the location, I expected more rugged, I don't know…Victorian sounds so…."

"Prissy," Lexie added.

"Prissy…" Meredith and Derek said at the same time."

"Yes, you know…a bit prudish…"

"Lexie, that is perfect," Kathleen commented, "it goes with Derek's new prudish ways," she said and all three women laughed.

"Prudish ways…" he said looking at Meredith, "we'll have to see about that."

"Promises…promises…" she whispered.

"Payback…"

"As soon as we can…" she smiled, and kissed him.

"Enough you two, we haven't even got through the front door yet," Kathleen said.

"Mer, tell us what you think," Lexie asked her.

"Me?"

"Yes…you're going to live there.'

"Oh…well…I…I'm not sure."

"Do you like the design how it looks?"

"I don't know Derek… I've never built a house before…"

"But you can certainly look at it and tell me if you like it…"

"I'm not sure."

"Why not?'

"What's the interior design?"

"Do you like the outside?"

"Kind of…but…"

"Tell me… it's your house…"

"But, you're…I mean… you already have these plans…"

"They are sketches….we can change anything you want, all of it if you want…"

"We can…" she asked, and he heard the wistfulness in her voice.

"Absolutely…" he said as he reached for her hand, "tell me what you would like to see in our home."

"I've never done this…but…"

"Tell me…" he said, and the two of the became lost in their own world, as the two sisters watched and marveled at the immense love shared between these two siblings they each loved.

"Derek, is there a fireplace, I guess in the family room…"

"Yes, we may have it open into two rooms…"

"And…maybe… in our bedroom…"

"We can do that…"

"The way it looks right now…I wonder from our bedroom…upstairs it would be a magnificent view, maybe there can be a terrace just for us…outside the doors…the French doors, but…only from our bedroom…so the kids can't reach them…I'd worry about that…if they could reach a balcony upstairs…"

The two sisters and Derek felt the same familiar tightening in their throats, listening to her slip into such easy conversation about the family they would have….most likely unaware what she was doing so.

"We can do that Meredith…that would be lovely…we can have nice romantic evenings out there…"

"Hey you two…save the details for yourselves…"

"What…prudishness from the 900 line queen..."

"You ass…" Kathleen laughed.

"Lexie, what do you think…" Meredith asked her, "I think the kitchen should be in the back, since I'm not going to spend a lot of time cooking…only Derek will," she teased.

"You are not going to cook, ever?" Lexie asked her.

"Well…I don't know…if my recent efforts are a reflection of what you can expect, I think it's best I stay away form the kitchen."

"Mer, you can't stay away for there all the time…"

"No….but still we should keep the front of the house with the best views, the rooms where we'll spend most of the time in…"

"Bedroom…" Derek said.

"Unquestionably," she answered looking at him only.

"Living room…maybe the great room or family room…."

"Are you going to have a basement… not sure if they have basements out here," Kathleen commented.

"Yes…it will be great to throw the kids down there when they are too loud to handle."

"Derek…you're planning to build a house with a basement and throw my babies there if they are too loud…." Meredith said indignantly.

"Meredith…believe me there will be times…you're going to want to lock them down there," he said.

"That is awful…Derek, that is not nice…'m not letting you do that to…our…" she paused ,realizing the magnitude of her word, "our kids…"

"Meredith," he said tenderly, "you…you can choose whatever rooms…wherever you think…it's right for our kids…"

"Our kids…" she said, "well, maybe when their teenagers…we can lock them in the basement."

"Believe me, when they are teenagers, you will count your blessings if you have a basement," Kathleen added.

"Derek, what about the fence?"

"What fence," Lexie asked.

"To keep the kids away from the cliff…."

"Oh…well…"

"Derek…you promised…you promised there would be a fence…"

"Uh… yes… but I haven't looked at that yet…"

"Well, we're not moving there…we're not…I am not going to be worried all day bout kids falling or jumping off cliffs, cause they will…they are totally unpredictable Derek, and I'm not going to worry about my babies all day long."

"You're not going to have to worry…I will make sure we have a fence….or find the solution for that…"

"Derek…"

Yes…"

"You are not going to mess around with that…you're already in hot water about the bears…so you better not try to pull the wool over my eyes about the fence."

"Mer… Derek said there were no bears…"

"Yeah…well, I'm not sure Lexie, he could be saying that so I'll move there…."

"Do you think I would do anything that would put you in danger…"

"No…" she said rolling her eyes, "you would not put me or our kids in harms' way."

"Thank you."

"You're welcome," she said and kissed him softly, and their gazes locked reflecting the fears and doubts of two parents filled with sadness and heartache over the loss of their first child, and the hopes and dreams of the future family they longed for.

Far away in another dimension three parents watched over their children and wished they could see them, instead of those brief moments in time when they could sense their loved ones and feel their presence, their emotions.

A father thankful for the bonds between his two oldest children and the recent unequivocal presence of the woman he'd loved and her maternal instincts reflected in a new found child to love, a child that had been deprived of her mother's love.

A woman grateful for the time she'd had to offer motherly love to the two young women in the room…the two daughters her husband's weakness had kept apart, , and she felt their bond and smiled.

Then, a lone soul regretful of the love she didn't give in life and thankful for the extraordinary woman her daughter had become, and most of all grateful for the power that allowed love to transcend all time and space as she felt the close presence of a small child…the gentle loving soul of a granddaughter smiling, at peace in the knowledge she had been loved, that the two people whose presence she felt had loved her and would love her beyond their devastating goodbyes.


	109. Chapter 109

**Chapter 107 – Family Ties **

"Hey, you don't want dessert?"

"Not really," she smiled and to appease him added, "but I might have some later."

"Are you ok," he asked, concern manifested in his tone, "we can leave, you look tired."

"It's ok. It's been nice, good we got to spend some time with Kathleen and Lexie.

I'm going to miss her Derek," she told him while becoming a little distant.

"I'm going to miss her too…speak of the devil," Derek said as the two women walked in the suite.

"I was absolutely stuffed, I needed to walk that off, so we went for a walk around the grounds here, they are quite beautiful, and you get a great view of the bay and the mountains, Derek it was a great choice for me to stay."

"Kathleen, hopefully next time…well not next time, since you said you'd visit with your husband pretty soon, but you know after that, our house will be built and you can stay with us, we'll have a guest room…right Derek, the house should be done."

Kathleen, who had not yet sat down, walked up behind Meredith and put her arms around her shoulders and hugged her, "I am going to miss you."

"Me too," she said becoming sentimental, along with Kathleen and Lexie who had her same propensity for watery eyes.

"Rambling…sentimental fools…" Kathleen smiled, "Lexie, I have no doubts Mom's going to be out here very soon, but if for some reason she is not, then I expect you to join Derek and Meredith when come home for their visit."

"That's nice…Kathleen, but I'm a first year resident, and time off is hard, and your family, I don't know…they get to meet Mer, but I don't know, they might think it's rude for me to assume, well it's a family gathering…"

Meredith was sitting next to her and reached out and grabbed her hand, stopping the familiar movement in the air, "you are my family, part of my family with Derek…I expect you can get the time off for that weekend and join us."

"Meredith…really…" she asked and in that moment her sister realized how very much they needed each other, "really," Meredith said and smiled.

"I can do that...I can get those days off…"

"Lex…I'm thinking…right after that, or before…depending on our schedules, since we'll be East…we can visit Molly…drive to Connecticut or take the train."

"You are…" she said as her eyes filled with tears, "that…that would be lovely…Mer…Mom would be so happy."

"We can…we can do a little shopping at FAO Schwartz…on the way…get some things for Laura…Derek can help."

"What…"

"You can help," Meredith said slipping her hand in his where he sat at the head of the table, "we should probably do that first, I'm sure there's at least seven or eight other kids we'll need to shop for before we get to your Mom's…and the teenagers, well you can give them money or ipods or whatever such things they like now."

"Why am I going to shop for them," he asked playfully.

"Because you moron, you haven't been home in ages, and the least you could do is bring gifts," Kathleen told him.

"Seriously…" he asked, "my visit is not enough?"

"Derek…don't be so brainless," Meredith teased him.

"I wanted to see what Mother hen over there would say…of course we're bringing presents…for fifteen kids…and Laura."

"Actually, Derek, you know I'm kidding…you don't have to and you should not be the uncle…and aunt… bearing gifts, it will make it a very expensive habit for the rest of us, you coming home is all we want."

"Tell that to the kids."

"They don't expect it…well, not really," she said, "and certainly no ipods or phones, token Derek…token gifts," she said, noticing Meredith's melancholy in spite of her efforts to be cheerful, "Mer, honey, do you want to lie down, you should get some rest."

"I'm ok."

"You would be better, I'm sure if you take a nap, go upstairs, lie down."

"I'm…no…it's ok, I couldn't just use your bed."

"Derek," Kathleen interrupted her, "walk her upstairs."

"Come on, I'm not going to argue with her bossiness," he said, thankful for Kathleen's insistence.

He walked behind her, his hand on he small of her back, and sat next to her when they reached the bed, pushing her gently against the pillow, he leaned down and kissed her, and heard the small intake of breath.

"It's ok…"she said, "and pulled her into his arms, "it's ok…" he said as she cried softly against his shoulder.

"I…I was doing ok…"

"You are doing great…and you are so brave…talking about…about all of this…"

"I want us to be happy…I want to be normal…with you…with a family…"

"We are…we already are…"

"I was more tired than I thought," she said and lay back against the pillows.

"Do you want me to stay with you?"

"Yes…but…you should spend some time with her before she leaves tomorrow."

"I can stay…she'd understand."

"I'm going to fall asleep…go ahead…and the two of you need to call your Mom."

"I cannot believe you did that…"

"What…talk to her?"

"No…lie to her…" he laughed.

"I didn't really…except for the day when she got here…"

"And she knows you lied…and isn't mad…"

"Derek…you're pretty lucky…your family…lucky to have them."

"They're your family now too…"

"Well, there is Nancy…"

"You have the two pillars on your side…and me…"

"You think…you think…your Mom will really like me?"

"From what I heard…she already loves you."

"She didn't judge me…Derek…that…that meant a lot…" she said, with tears in her eyes, "even though all she knows about me is the slutty intern…"

"Hey…would you do something for me…"

"What…"

"No more sluttly intern talk…you never were…"

"Derek…I kind of was…"

"You were an intern…with whom I fell in love…"

"That's pushing it…remember our one night stand…"

"Was it… really…just a one night stand…" he asked seriously.

"The first night…of a lifetime…"

"That's how I remember it…" he told her and kissed her, leaving no doubts theirs was a love unequaled to anything they had ever experienced before or expected, and certain few were lucky enough to find it.

Derek joined Kathleen and Lexie and they spent an hour talking, including Kathleen's insight on what they could expect Meredith's emotions would be like over the next several weeks.

Meredith had settled into the comfort of his embrace and resented needing to get up and go to the bathroom She came back to bed and lay on her side just watching him, noticing how the last couple of days had taken their toll on him. She wanted to touch him, but knew if she did he would awaken, and she wanted him to sleep, he'd had very little of it as he'd spent hours watching and worrying over her. She closed her eyes briefly and took a deep breath, letting out a sigh, and when she opened her eyes again he was watching her.

"Hey," she said as she laced her fingers with his, "it's so quiet here…how long did I sleep?"

"Oh…probably about three hours…Kathleen dragged Lexie with her to find Mom a bribe…"

"A bribe?"

"She called it a conciliatory gift."

"Did I really screw up…talking to her?"

"Not at all…but Kathleen and I are in the dog house…"

"She…she told me she was not going to be mad at you…"

"Of course she did…she's just not going to let us forget it…"

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be…you were brave and strong, and according to Mom, if I don't treat you right, I have her to answer to…"

"You spoke to her?"

"We both did…it's ok Meredith…everything's ok."

"Derek…I'm trying…the family thing…I really am."

"I know you are…and you're doing beautifully."

"I hope so."

"I know so."

"So…she dragged Xena…"

"If you let her, Xena, he laughed, "she's going to hover worse than I will…"

"That's impossible…"

"Care to bet?"

"No…you're probably right…"

"Meredith…what are you thinking?"

"I have two sisters…Derek…well three…but…now…Kathleen and Lexie…they're really my sisters."

"And apparently a semi-knight and brother as well…he's worried about you."

"It's Kathleen's last night here, we should go out to dinner, take her out."

"She's not expecting it …"

"We still could do it…you know…that little restaurant we like…it will be quiet…and just us…we can ask Mark…and we've spent all day with Lexie…but…if she wants…we could…and not stay to late…I am tired…I don't know why, since I have rested a lot,but, I am…I'm still tired."

"I think that would be very nice, and you are going to be tired for a little while longer, your body's been through a lot…it needs time to heal."

"Derek, do you think…would you be ok…can we ask Cristina?"

"Of course we can…I'll call her."

"Thank you… I know she's been difficult, but she's been there for me, and it will be easier, to see her here than at the hospital."

He drew her to him and kissed her forehead, "you don't need to explain, she's your family too."

"Derek…you know about Kathleen, don't you…and her baby…you figured it out at dinner before she left last night.''

"Yes, she told me it helped to share that with you."

"It meant a lot to me that she did, and she said she wanted it to give us hope…hope…for our future…that this happened, but it doesn't have to happen again."

"I wish I could have been there for her…all these years," he said, and they continued talking about all that the three of them had discussed about her miscarriage.

Snuggling closer to him she said, "Derek…today…it was hard…but knowing…knowing she went on and had her family…that gave me courage…and hope…to talk about our house," she paused and he wiped a tear away from her face, "our kids…"

"Me too…it gave me hope too."

"She said we needed to talk…that we could call her. That sometimes, sometimes…just holding each other…that would help."

"Does it?"

"Yes…just knowing you're there…your presence helps…"

"I'll always be here…you know that…right?"

"I don't have any more doubts…but…just remember…my hormones…they won't be back to normal for a while…and my doubts …my insecurities…they won't go away overnight."

"I know we will deal with everything…one day at a time…"

"I love you Derek," she said kissing him softly, and then allowed him to hold her close.

"I love you Meredith," he whispered and let himself be comforted by her embrace, and the gentle caress of her fingers soothingly stroking his hand.

They heard the commotion downstairs and went to join Kathleen and Lexie.

"Derek, I bought a gift from you and Meredith…Mom is going to love it."

"What did you buy?"

"A beautiful frame for a photo of you two…there were some great ones the other night, and I know she's going to love that for her ever growing collection of family shots, you're going to have to email them to me so I can get it printed before I give it to her."

"That's a very thoughtful gift, Kathleen, thanks for thinking of it," he said.

"Of course it is…and perfect to diffuse any remaining anger, remember, you are three thousand miles away, I'll be right there."

"I thought…Derek, you said you spoke with her and everything was ok?"

"It is, Kathleen is being melodramatic."

"Don't worry Mer, she is fine…but that woman is a hawk, just preemptive measures," she laughed.

"Hey, Meredith and I were talking, and we want to take you out to dinner."

"Oh…no…I won't hear of it, she needs to rest, not be out gallivanting, besides, Lexie and I passed this little restaurant, " she said naming it, "that had a great menu posted, and I think I will just order in…and if you are up to it, you can all stay and we call it an early night, my flight leaves at seven in the morning."

Meredith laughed, "Kathleen, that is exactly the place Derek and I were thinking of, it's one of our favorites, it's quiet, I can go…I've been resting a lot, and I still have a couple more days off, so I'm fine, and I thought we'd ask Mark and if Lexie can stay…it will be a quiet family night…and Derek is going to call Cristina…"

"Mer, I've been here a long time today…I can just go…I don't want to impose…"

"Lexie…you don't have to stay…it's only if you want to," she said softly while at the same time conveying her feelings about it.

"I …well, you know…"

"I'd like my sister to be there…on a night with family…"

"Derek," she said knowing the still strained relationship that existed between him and Cristina, "would you like me to call Cristina?"

"Yes, Xena…" he smiled, "that would be nice, I'll call Mark."

"I thought so…"

"Ok…you make yourselves at home, and I'm going to rearrange my packing, I had to buy a big bag to fit everything in, so I'll check the small one I brought."

"Kat, Mer and I are going to drive home…we'll be back in a couple of hours for dinner, Lex you want to come with us?"

"Lexie, you're welcome to stay here, there's no comfortable room in that place to sit."

"Ok…your point was been well made…Lex, what do you want to do?"

"Actually," she said, looking at Derek, "I forgot I was supposed to be at the hospital for a procedure, just to watch, but I can still be back for dinner…"

"What kind of procedure," Meredith questioned.

"I'm not sure…well, of course I'm sure, but Cristina said it would be really good if I could watch…cause they don't do them very often, so she wanted me to be there for the prep work of it all…"

"Really," Meredith questioned again, "I can't ever recall anything like that…"

"Maybe it's something new…"

"Lexie Grey…tell me what you are up to right now," Meredith scolded.

"I don't know what you're talking about…really, Mer…it's something I forgot about."

"Fine."

"I'll tell you all about it afterwards…ok?"

"Just remember, I'm your older sister…you are not supposed to lie to me."

"Really, Mer, I'm not lying…it is something I said I would do…" she said, making sure with that last statement she could not tell her she had lied.

"Lexie…"

"Ok., fine…it's a surprise…"

"Derek…I hate surprises…this is all your doing…"

"Maybe…"

"You could have just said so, instead of making Lexie lie all over the place."

"I didn't actually lie Mer…well, I did, but not the last sentence I told you."

"Fine…just go…the two of you I swear are just like kids."

"Thank you, Xena," Derek told her as he kissed her cheek.

"You're welcome…it's what sisters in law are for…"

"Just remember, I was your sister first…"

"Well…not really…" he taunted.

"What are you talking about?" she said, while Kathleen enjoyed their banter.

"The other Grey and I were friends first…"

"Oh, you …you jack-ass…"

"I thought you'd only reserved that for Mr. Levangie…"

"This fit," she said and gently smacked him, as he grabbed her and kissed her.

"Ok…children…I'm going to pack," Kathleen laughed and went up to the loft, "lock up behind you."

"Come on Lex," Meredith said, and they walked out leaving Derek to follow.

"So…what did you coerce her to do?" she said as they drove to the trailer.

"Coerce her…you wound me…" he smiled, while he held her hand.

"Derek…come on, you know I don't really like surprises…"

"You'll like this one…I think…"

"Just tell me…"

"I asked her to bring some clothes over for you and a small suitcase…"

"Why?"

"After Kathleen leaves…I'd like for us to go away for the next couple of days…I think we need the change of scenery…"

"Oh…" she said, and looked out the window into the distance.

"Meredith…"

"It's…it's…" she paused, and cleared her throat, "a very thoughtful idea."

"Are you upset?"

"No" she said, and as they were already on his land, undid her seatbelt and sat close to him, "thank you," she whispered, gently squeezing his hand.

They reached the trailer and she told him she wanted to use his computer, send an email to thank her friends for the flowers, though she intended to write note to each of them at some point. Addressing it to all of them, she wrote simply: Thank you for the flowers and the beautiful card. Derek and I will always be grateful for your thoughtfulness and words of support during this very sad moment in our lives. Love, Meredith.

He read as she stood behind her and then extended his hand for her to get up and held her, and without any words exchanged allowed her to cry softly and quietly in his arms.

They all arrived at the restaurant at about the same time, except Mark, and they had stopped by to get Kathleen on the way. Cristina and Lexie drove in together, and as it was the first time Meredith had seen her since the miscarriage they all gave them a few minutes of privacy and went inside.

The two friends exchanged glances and Cristina went to her side, and though incredibly brief, she hugged her, but her words were uttered with such intensity and regret, it was enough, "I am deeply sorry about your baby."

Meredith took a deep breath, before releasing her, "thank you…for being here."

"Are you ok?"

"No…not at all," she said as tears rolled down her face.

"But…you will be."

"Sometime…"

"I'm here," Cristina said, resting her head on Meredith's shoulder.

"I'm going to need you."

"I won't let you down, not again."

"Let's go in."

Meredith and Cristina approached the table set for six, and Derek stood to greet them, and Cristina uprising them all faced him and in a quick embrace simply stated, "I'm sorry about the baby."

"Thank you," he acknowledged, as he saw the tears in Meredith's eyes.

Mark joined them almost immediately, and endured several minutes of jokes about his "unexpected" delay at the hospital. "Oh cut the shit, all of you…you've heard of sex…so I have a healthy sex life, you're just jealous."

"Speak for yourself," Kathleen laughed, "I have no complaints at all, even three thousand miles away…" she teased, knowing how it disturbed Derek to hear her say that.

"That's one thing we won't miss, Kat, " Derek taunted right back, "hearing about your sex life."

"Tell me, Cristina," Kathleen said after they had ordered dinner, and attempting to draw her into the conversation, as she did not quite understand all the nuances between her and Derek, "I understand you are responsible for Derek's McDreamy nickname, though you don't necessarily agree he's earned it."

Surprising her with the straight forward approached, Cristina laughed, "you don't pull any punches?"

"Absolutely not, but I understand neither do you, that if we're looking for straight answers, you're the person to ask."

"Well, to a degree…now Alex…he has no finesse at all," she said and they all laughed, except Kathleen having no idea what that meant.

They spent the evening sharing stories from the last year, including Alex's lack of finesse.

"So…Grey, I hear you spoke to Mrs. S," Mark chimed in.

"How…how do you now, who told you," were all heard from the three involved.

"She called me, thanked me for being so supportive, which threw me for a loop until she said, Mark, sweetheart, I understand you are not going to reveal their confidences, but I just wanted you to know I am grateful you are there for them, and you better not pull any stunts ever again."

"She worked fast," Kathleen laughed.

"Mer, you spoke to Derek's Mom?" Cristina asked incredulously.

"Not only did she speak to my Mom, Cristina, she took the phone away from Kathleen to do so," he stated with obvious pride.

"You did not…Mer…you don't do family…"

"Apparently I do now…well, just look at us now," she observed and smiled.

"By the way Mer, you are supposed to email her, she said something about at least every other day," Mark told her.

"I need a drink," she said and caught the waiter's attention, "bring two double scotch single malts, one for him she indicates Derek, and one for me, and whatever everyone else wants, this round's on me."

"Oh my God," Kathleen cracked up, "you are doomed, Mom wants your email."

"Doomed?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, because now, she will bombard you with more than ten emails a day," she said and continued laughing.

"You're joking, she will not."

"She will…she has become an addict, the last two years, and all her friends that have nothing else to do send her emails that she feels she needs to pass along, because they are just so meaningful and hold life's greatest wisdom, and her children have to read them," she laughed, "oh, Meredith, you are so screwed."

"You are so mean to your mother…" she said indignantly, "she's old, well I mean, don't you dare tell her I said that…I mean she's older, she's older than all of us, and hell we're supposed to email, but your Mom, Derek, you never told me your Mom emails you ten times a day."

"She doesn't."

"You see Kathleen."

"That is just because he and Mark lied to her and told her that hospital policy does not allow for personal emails."

"Then…she won't email me…all of those…"

"Honey, she doesn't want your hospital email, believe me…she gets around that…"

"I…I'll email her…I'll reply…"

"Good luck, Mer, you won't have time to do anything else," Kathleen and Mark laughed.

"Derek…do you respond…from your personal email…" Meredith asked.

"Sometimes…"

"You…you traitor…no wonder she's ready to forgive you anything…"

"Kathleen they are not so bad…I just don't pass them along as they threaten you with all sorts of evil curses if you don't send it to 23 people…"

"You just respond to her, you jerk and she thinks you're passing then along," Kathleen laughed, "you…are making us all look bad, Derek Christopher and you better stop it, or else."

"Or else…"

"Whatever…just stop…tell her you cancelled you personal email account," she said, "that's what I did," and they all laughed.

"You lying…conniving…"

"Smart…wise…woman…who's just given you an out…" she winked.

"Yeah…well…Meredith can communicate with her now."

"Cowards," she told them.

"And you…" Mark warned her, "don't you dare tell her we've been lying."

"I'll have to see…sort of like that bribe you intended for Kathleen," she teased, and they all laughed having heard the story at Joe's.

When they all had their drinks, Derek was the first to pick up his, "Cristina, to friends…friends who become family," he said and raised his glass to her, and with that yet another process of healing and bonds of friendship and trust, though slowly, began.

"Derek, did you remember to bring the camera," Kathleen asked.

"You called me once and left two text messages."

"That does not mean you brought it."

"He didn't, but I did," Meredith said and took it out of her bag.

"Great, this is wonderful to be able to have pictures of all of you back home," and with years of practice of recording every moment of her children's lives, she proceeded to do the same, recording the images of an unconventional family, a family newly found and the strengthening of its ever increasing familial ties and bonds.

Mark was the first to get up, and held his hand out for Kathleen, who got up and he engulfed her in a bear hug, "I'm going to miss you like hell, don't stay away long,"

"I won't…we'll be back soon…and you are expected at Jenna's, no excuses, Meredith and Derek have already told Mom they will be there."

"I'll be there," he said and kissed her goodbye. "Say hello to my rival," he teased, and they both laughed in good humor, "have a safe flight, I love you."

"I love you too," she said hugging him back, and whispering, "you were right, about her, about protecting her…I've gained a new sister."

"I told you…and Mom has a new daughter from what she said today."

"You've been the best of brothers to him…and her…thank you."

"That's what family is for… I learned that from you."

"Don't forget it."

He turned to Meredith and hugged her, "you're going to be just fine…I'm sure of it, I'm glad I could be here tonight…thank you…"

"It's our family…"

"We're lucky, the two DM's…we lucked out …"

"Yeah…we did…"

"Shep, see you guys in a couple of days."

"Lexie, Yang…I'll walk with you…"

"We'll all walk out…" Derek said, "Lexie has some things for Meredith," and with that the group made their way to their cars.

Derek took the bag from Lexie's car while Meredith said, "Cristina, thanks for being here, I'll see you in a few days."

"Get some rest, ok…"

"I will."

"We're set, your bag's in my car," he said putting his arm around Meredith.

"Shepherd, thanks for the invitation."

"You're welcome Cristina, we're glad you could join us," he said, and she nodded in conciliatory acknowledgment and got in the car.

"Xena, you're a good sister…" he said, and kissed her check goodnight

"She's better than good, she's great," Meredith smiled, and gave her a hug goodnight.

"Mer…I really think…Mom…and your Mom are watching over us…"

"I really think you're right…I love you Lexie."

Kathleen watched the exchanges quietly and sent a silent prayer, "Dad…I know you're watching too…because when I got here…how things were…and now…only God's healing touch could have helped them through this…I love you Dad…thank you…thank you for teaching us about family."

When they reached Kathleen's bed and breakfast they walked her to the door, and went in briefly, "I think this is where we say goodbye…" she said with deep emotion in her voice.

"What…we're taking you to the airport," Meredith said.

"Listen you two," she said, "my flight leaves at seven and I'm going to take a cab to the airport when I get off the ferry, there is no need for you to get up at four…which is what you'd need to do to be on the four forty five ferry, so forget it."

"Derek…tell her, we're not going to let her do that…"

"Of course we're not…"

"Meredith…you need your rest…and I am a big girl…I can get to the airport…"

"Derek…" Meredith said in her bossiest voice.

"Meredith…just let her ramble…I'm going to be here to take her …"

"You're going to be here…" she said…"I'm coming with you."

"No you're not, she's right…you need to rest."

"Enough…you two…enough…I am going to the airport with you…are you out of your mind…do you think I'm going to let your sister…my sister too by the way…and she said so…after being here with us all these days…just get on the ferry and go to the airport…no…I'm going with you, and that's all there is to it…so let's just say goodnight so we can get some sleep and be up at four in the morning…just like I have to do so many morning to get to work…and this…this Derek…it's family…you want me to do family…well…fine…I'm doing family…now let's go."

"I'd missed that…bossy Meredith…" he laughed.

"Let's go…Kathleen, go to sleep…you have a long day ahead of you," she smiled and hugged her. "I'm going to rest…I am…the next two days…I'll rest."

"Good night Meredith," she said kissing her check, then his, "Derek…you can't get away from it…"

"The bossy women…" he laughed.

"Don't ever forget it," Meredith smiled. "Good night, Kat."

"Good night you two."

Meredith and Derek lay each other's arms, her face gently on his chest listening to his heartbeat, while he remembered his sister's words, "Dad watches over us" and he prayed, hoping he did.

Prayers were answered and miracles manifested each day in so many different ways, but tonight long after sleep had finally claimed two emotionally exhausted lovers,

Meredith would find comfort and peace in a dream, a dream that many years from now she would truly comprehend, and when she did, she would finally understand one of the many reasons why long ago, this night in fact, the love she shared with the man now sleeping by her side was deemed to be legendary.

A/N 25JUN Several of you have commented/asked if I was ending the story. There is still a lot to be told, perhaps not another 100 chapters but certainly if you have supported me with this story during the emotinal roller coaster Meredith and Derek have been on, I can at the very least write many chapters of them getting closer to fulfilling their dreams. I plan to write until it is still enjoyable...and as long as there's readers...and comments... there's a bit of story left to be told.

Thanks you for reading and very especially for your comments.


	110. Chapter 110

**Chapter 108 – Healing dreams **

Finally, after two disturbing and sleepless nights, Meredith and Derek's emotional and physical exhaustion had given way to almost six hours of uninterrupted sleep, and then the alarm went off, and the snooze gave them another ten minutes of sleep.

Derek got up first and headed for the shower, the only way he would be awake enough to drive at four in the morning, and allowed Meredith to sleep a little longer.

"Meredith," he murmured against her lips kissing her, "I let you sleep a bit more, but we have to get up."

"So…tired…"

"You can stay, you know, Kathleen would understand…"

"What," she said startled out of her sleep, "no…I have to go," and started to rise.

"Hey…" he said, softly pushing her back against the pillow, "relax…you have a few minutes…and just throw something on…"

"Derek…I had…such a strange dream…"

"A dream…or a nightmare…didn't hear you wake up…"

"I don't think I did…I didn't want to, it was a dream…I can't quite remember it all…but…I'm hoping I will…it was such a peaceful, gentle feeling…I want to remember it…but it's just there...a glimpse away…

"Maybe you will remember it later," he said softly, and kissed her.

"I hope so…it feels that it was important…that I remember."

"Then you will."

"You kissed me awake…again," she said, "you're going to spoil me…waking me up like that every morning."

"I intend to…for the rest of our lives."

"Derek…I never thought I'd say this…" she smiled, and looked away.

"What…" he asked a bit concerned.

"You…really are McDreamy," she smiled.

"Only you bring that out in me…" he told her, leaning in to kiss her, and they both got lost in its pleasure, just as the forgotten and annoying snooze reminder sounded.

"I miss you Derek."

"You miss me," he teased, "or this," he said as he kissed her again.

"All of you."

"I miss …all of you too," he said, and their gazes locked and their eyes reflected longing for each other and promises of hours of uninterrupted fulfillment.

"We should get up…" Meredith said, breaking the mesmerizing spell, "Kathleen will kill us if we're late."

"More likely, she'd just leave without us, and then call to bitch at us, for not doing what she said in the first place."

They got in his car and were staring to leave when she commented, "the chief's car is here, it wasn't when we got home last night."

"Yeah."

"Derek, I haven't asked you…I should have, but …how was the little girl you operated on?"

"She's going to be fine."

"That's good…" she said and asked him medically intricate details he responded to, "you …you did the right thing."

"I should have never left you. Richard had no right to ask."

"You saved her life Derek…you did the right thing," she said, "and reached out to hold his hand, and it remained in hers until they reached Kathleen's and he told she should just wait in the car, that they'd be a couple of minutes at most.

"Good morning, Mer," Kathleen said cheerfully when she got in the car, while Derek put her bags away.

"How do you two manage to be so cheerful in the mornings," Meredith asked her, "though really, there are times," she paused, while Derek got in the driver's seat, "that Derek just does not want to get out of bed in the morning…"

"Meredith, stop being a tease," Derek laughed.

"I'm not, it's the truth…you like to stay in bed and sleep in just as much as I do when that alarm goes," she said and giggled, "after a long night of no sleep."

"It's my turn to ask questions," Kathleen said, "how are you two going to survive Mom's visit if you can't do anything but taunt each other…sexually?"

"Your Mother…she's not coming to visit soon…she's not, and we don't always do this, right Derek, I mean in private we do, but you, well we've had to listen to your phone sex conversations, so a little teasing between Derek and I that's nothing…really, we'll be ready, when your Mother…visits, and she didn't say when…do you know when?"

"Mer," Kathleen laughed, "you make it so easy not to tease you…"

"That is just plain mean, Kathleen…just you wait…when you least expect it…"

"Honey, there's not a ounce of revenge in you…and I'm just delighted to hear you two talk this way."

"I'm going to be emailing your mother remember, and I just might let it slip and include your personal email in one of them…"

"Meredith Grey…you would be so dead," she said laughing.

"I'm no pushover…"

"You are perfect…just as I told Derek when I first saw you.

"You did…" she asked with surprise in her voice.

"I did, you were in the cafeteria with Mark."

"Oh…he didn't tell me."

"Don't forget Meredith…my brother…at times…brainless."

"Brainless…" Meredith laughed, "you call him that too?"

"Too? What does that mean too…I remember…Cristina said something the other night, but I thought that was her talking, not you…" he pouted.

"Derek, I've called you that so main times…"

"You two have a high opinion…" he started and was interrupted by both women.

"Give me a break, you've been brainless forever," Kathleen said.

"I love you Derek," Meredith said, and earned his laughter.

"You…you…" he laughed.

"Learned well…" Meredith teased him, "comes in handy…"

"I love you too Meredith…and that woman sitting behind us as well."

Their morning banter continued, and far too quickly they were at the airport, and Derek took the lane leading to the parking garage.

"Derek, you are going to drop me off at the curve and go…you don't need to wait around the airport for my fight to leave…"

"Kathleen we want to…we're not going to see you again for a while," Derek told her.

"Actually, you are…we re coming to visit…your brother in law is itching to come out here, and while the two of you and Mark go off into the wilderness…Mer and I are going to enjoy the best spa treatments in town."

Derek gave her a surprised look and Kathleen winked at him, "don't worry baby brother…all is under control, so drive around and drop me off…and the two of you can get a head start on your getaway."

"Kathleen, you know where Derek's taking me don't you," Meredith stated.

"Yep…I do…"

"That's not fair."

"You are going to love it, in fact…"

"Kathleen…"

"You're right, I'll keep my mouth shut," she said, and reached for the door handle as they pulled up and stopped at the airline curbside.

Meredith got out of the car while Derek got the bags out, and Kathleen presented her documents and one bag was checked without delay.

The two women faced each other as Derek watched and marveled at the connection between them.

"Kathleen," Meredith said softly, and both women already had tears in their eyes, "you…you have no idea…how much it meant for you to be here…I, we couldn't have gotten through this without you."

"You would have…the two of you together…you would have…but I'm so glad…Meredith, honey, I am so glad I was here."

"I'm going to miss you," Meredith told her.

"I'm going to miss you too," Kathleen said and embraced her in a hug, "but, I want you to remember something," she continued talking without letting her go, "no matter what happens, and before you jump to conclusions, I don't mean anything going wrong with you and Derek, you can count on me, I will always be here…" she said and pulled away to look at her, both now with tears on their cheeks, "you are my sister…and I'm so proud…so proud of you…and I cannot tell you how much it means to me…that you have accepted me…and trusted me…"

"You…you didn't judge me…and I will never forget that…"

"You love him…I saw that the very first time I saw you…in your eyes, Meredith…I saw it in your eyes, and that was enough for me…"

Neither saw a policeman approach and asking Derek to move the car, but whatever he said convinced the officer to nod his head and move along, allowing for the uninterrupted moment between them.

"I do…I love him, and I promise you…he'll never have to worry about me…not the way he worried the night he called you…I won't ever hurt him like that again."

"I know…I know you won't, and now that we've both dried out our tear ducts," Kathleen said, and looked over at her brother, extending her hand for him to join them.

"You two…take care of each other. That's all you need to get through all of this."

"We will," Meredith said.

"Kat, thank you…" Derek said and hugged his sister, "I will owe you…"

"You owe me nothing, except to be happy."

"We will be…"

"Derek," she said and looked at him with a peculiar expression, "do you…do you still get those feelings, remember when we were younger…when you know…when we just knew something would happen…"

"I do…" he said and smiled.

"Derek…I have that feeling…that the three of us…are going to see each other very soon."

"Kathleen…you said you're coming back soon, Meredith said while looking at them with a mix of humor and surprise.

"No…before that…I don't know…Derek…you'll let me know…if I'm right."

"I'll let you know…"

"Meredith, " she asked suddenly, "do you have a passport?"

"Passport…"

"Yes, to travel… a valid passport?"

"Yes…why…"

"I don't know…but I would bet money you're going to be using it soon…"

"You are just as bad as Mark and Derek…"

"I only bet to win…and Meredith…I'm betting I'm right…passport…keep it handy," she said and gave her one last hug, and then turned to Derek, "I might keep mine handy as well."

"Kathleen…I still get those feelings…and you're right…she's going to need that passport."

"I knew it…where…where area you taking her," she asked in a whisper.

"That…that is her surprise."

"Oh…Derek…you two are going to be just fine…and I can't wait till she's part of the family…"

"She's already my family…but yes, I can't wait for Mom and the rest to meet her."

"As I said…I just might keep my passport handy."

"Think again, cause I'm not asking you along for this trip…"

"Never said you were…just…a feeling Derek…that's all, a great feeling."

"I love you Kathleen," he said as he said goodbye, "you are my very special sister."

"I love you Derek, I'm here…always, anytime, anyplace, one call away."

"So am I…please don't let me forget it."

"I won't," she said, "take care of my new sister…and sister in law…" she laughed, as the sliding glass doors opened and she walked through wile they waved goodbye.

Derek was standing next to Meredith, his arm around her waist, "let's go," he said and opened the door for her to get in the car and when she did, leaned in to kiss her, " she loved you, I don't think she said it …but I know she loves you."

"I'm not…I'm not comfortable…you know…with so much emotion and saying that to people."

"I know…"

"But Derek, she said…again…she's my sister…and that's…I've never had that."

"You do now…"

"I'm glad she's in my life…thank you…"

"For what…"

"For calling her…for making it possible for my…our family to grow…"

"Just wait…till you meet Mom," he kissed her again, and walked around to drive away.

They were still driving out of the airport when his phone vibrated indicating a 911.

"What the hell, they know I'm off," he said, but pulled to the side and returned the call nonetheless. "Shepherd, yes, you're correct. What happened, no it's fine, you did the right thing, I'll be there in about fifteen minutes, run all the usual blood work immediately, and we'll have to check for inflammation of the brain, yes that temperature needs to come down."

"What's wrong?"

"Meredith, I'm sorry, I know you're not ready to go back, but I have to go in, you can drop me off, if you want and get me later, or wait for me…or walk in with me and wait in my office."

"What happened, why did they call you, it must be bad for you to go in."

"The little…the child I operated, that was the doctor I left in charge, she's developed a fever, very high, and he wanted to consult with me…I…I feel I need to go in."

She was quiet a few minutes and then she said, "Derek…the dream, the dream I had, it was about this little girl…it's still vague, but I know…without a doubt, it was about this little girl…and yes, you have to go in, and…and I want to go with you to see her."

"No…you don't have to do that…I'll go in."

"No, Derek… I do…there's something about her, I have to go with you."

"Meredith…"

"I'm going to be fine…we'll deal with things…anyone we see…we'll deal with it, but I'm going with you."

"Ok," he said, accepting her decision.

"Derek, have you spoken to the Chief, since the other day, when I was there?"

"Yes."

"You didn't tell me."

"Hardly a topic worth discussing."

"Derek, he's our boss."

"I told him he was irresponsible and he owes me…"

"There's more to it that what you're telling me."

"I saw him the other morning, we argued about it again, but bottom line, I told him I was ready to resign."

"What…Derek…you can't…we can't do that…"

"You …Meredith, I didn't mention you'd resign."

"You would resign, go somewhere else…and have me stay…not want me with you?"

"You have to finish your residency…and you could do it here or anywhere, and even if I resigned, I would not be going anywhere, remember I had my practice before…I'm fairly respected, I think I could get another job in Seattle," he said what came across as cockiness.

"Oh you ass."

"I'm not going anywhere. I told him I'd stay, but he owes me."

"He owes you?"

"Yeah."

"Owes you what?"

"Whatever time off you and I need, open ended, end of story."

"He accepted that?"

"He knows he was out of line, and back to basics, we're friends."

"So…everything is ok?"

"Yeah…it will be, don't worry about it."

They arrived at Seattle Grace and she felt an unfamiliar sense of dread at the thought of waking through the front doors of the hospital, and he sensed her distress.

"You don't have to do this."

"I do…it's just…the last time…when I left…I was still…I thought…maybe…"

"I understand…and it's ok, you don't have to go in now."

"I do…let's go," she said and waited for him to come around the car and open her door, and slipped her hand in his and they walked to the critical care unit.

Fate was looking out for her, and Meredith believed fate and love were all about the decisions you made. She decided to face her sadness rather than avoid it, and walked in to the hospital with Derek hand in hand, and fate smiled upon her as they walked through the corridors without coming across any of her friends.

The doctor and the parents were in the room with the little girl when Meredith and Derek walked in, and he greeted the parents and then his colleague, "this is Dr. Grey, she's a resident, she was very concerned over you daughter. How is her temperature? Have you sent in her lab work?"

"Dr. Shepherd, I don't know what to say, but after we spoke, within five minutes her temperature dropped, it's normal…"

"That's impossible, use a different thermometer, temperate just doesn't drop like that."

"We've been monitoring for the past two hours, her temperature spiked and we started her on antibiotics right away, and nothing was working that's when I called you, but sir, we've done what you said, three different thermometer, her temp is normal."

Derek took her temperature himself, and felt her forehead, her body temperature felt normal, and the reading returned the same results, and then he saw a slight movement and her eyes began to drift open, "has she been awake and talking?"

"Not as much as usual, she's quite a talker… but she has," her mother said, as she stood by her husband, his arms around her waist. "She recognized us, said Mommy and Daddy, that her head hurt, she wanted to see her baby brother…and her Nana."

"That's expected," Derek said, as the little girl opened her eyes, and he heard Meredith gasp.

"Meredith," he turned around, "are you ok?"

"Yes…" she said and came closer to the bed, and stood next to him, "Derek…her eyes, my dream…last night…she was the little girl in my dream."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…it's just part of it…but she was…and another child…far away…but there was a girl…named Brianna."

Excuse me…Dr. Shepherd… Dr. Grey…is something wrong, the father asked, unaware of the conversation exchanged between Meredith and Derek.

"No, it's a very good sign, she has opened her eyes…after such a high fever, it's good."

"Mommy…" they heard a soft gentle voice…and the mother was at her side.

"Hey sweetie…Mommy is here…and Daddy…"

"Mommy head hurt lots…"

"We're going to make you better…sweetie, see you have three doctors and they are going to make you better," the woman said unable to keep tears from gathering in her eyes.

"I feel better… head doesn't hurt no more…"

"Dr. Shepherd…is that possible…" the father asked

"Yes, the fever could cause inflammation, and that is feasible ,but, the drop in temperature like that…we still need to run some more tests, find out what caused it."

"Daddy…can I have Mr. Rabbit…"

"We'll get someone to bring Mr. Rabbit to you in a little while," he said, obvious emotion in his voice, as he listened to his little girl.

"Mommy…I saw a little angel…"

The parents looked at both doctors…looking for answers.

"Sweetie, I bet you had a dream and a little angel was in your dream…"

"No…mommy…she told me her name …"

"She did…do you remember her name?"

"Pweety name mommy…I like her name…"

"What was the angel's name, " Meredith asked, convinced she knew the answer.

"Bri…Brianna."

Derek took a deep breath and Meredith reached for his hand, and spoke softly to the little girl, "that's a very pretty name…what's your name?"

"Kelly Margaret Mulligan," the four year old stated proudly.

"An how old are you?"

"This many," she said indicating four fingers, "you're pweety."

"Thank you Kelly, I think you're beautiful…"

"My daddy says that…"

"He's right," Meredith said trying to keep her emotions under control.

Derek proceeded to examine her, "Kelly, I'm going to use this light here, and look in your eyes…and then I'm going to ask you to follow the light, can you do that…can you do that for me…" he said.

"Did you fix my owie?"

"Yes, I did…"

"You a doctor?"

"Yes…"

"Are you doctor too…" she asked Meredith

"Yes.

"You're a girl."

"Girls can be doctors."

"They can?

"Yes."

"I'm gonna be doctor when I grows up."

The parents were hardly able to contain their tears, "Dr. Shepherd, is…should she be talking so much."

"Oh, yes…she's perfectly fine," he said, "she is doing just fine. Doctor Kirk, would you mind setting up a scan."

"I'll take care of that right now, Dr. Shepherd," he said and exited the room.

"What's your name…?"

"Meredith."

"I like that…"

"Thank you," she said, as her head spun a mile a minute trying to recall all the details of her dream, but still not all were clear, except this child had definitely been in it.

"What's your name," she asked Derek.

"Sweetie, that's Dr. Shepherd."

"Doctor Shep…Shep…that's hard mommy."

"Is Dr. Shep easy for you to say…" Meredith asked from her side of the bed next to Derek.

"Yep…"

"Then I think he would not mind if you called him Doctor Shep…"

"I wouldn't mind at all, it is a hard name to say. Now, Kelly, will you follow the light like I asked you? That's a good girl, yes, that's just what I need you to do."

"Dr. Shep…you have pweety eyes…"

"Thank you…Kelly, so do you," he said looking at the child's deep green eyes.

"My angel…she had same color."

Meredith reached for his hand, and he heard the soft gasp, and squeezed her hand gently.

The parents watched the exchange between Meredith and Derek, and realized there was obviously a personal relationship between them.

"Dr. Shepherd," the man spoke, "we are aware you had a personal emergency, the day you operated on Kelly, we found out afterwards. We want you to know how much we appreciate that you too care of her, we did not get a chance to speak to you after her surgery, but, we want you to know, we had been told our only hope that she would make it would be if we could get you to operate and if there's any way we can ever repay you, whatever we can do, please…all you need to do is ask."

Derek felt Meredith's hand squeezing his gently, "we were able to save her life, everything seems fine…that's all the thanks I need, take care of her."

"We're sorry, that we took you away…from your emergency…but…you saved her life," the mother cried softly, while she held her daughter's hand.

"Mommy…why you crying?"

"Cause Mommy is happy that my baby is ok."

"I'm not a baby…mommy, my brother's a baby…"

"You're a big girl, that's right," her father said.

"Dr. Shepherd, as a member of the Board of his hospital, whatever you need…you have my full support, and on a personal level, whatever my wife and I, our family can do…please…don't hesitate to ask…money is not an object when you've saved our little girl's life."

"Mr. and Mrs. Mulligan, I did what had to be done…" he said, and again felt Meredith's hand tighten a little in his, "I'm …I'm glad I could be here that day," he said while turning to look at Meredith and met her smile and shimmering eyes.

"Dr. Shepherd…Dr. Grey…the personal emergency, we hope everything is ok," Mrs. Mulligan stated without any doubts that it had involved the two doctors before them.

"Thank you," Derek said, "we appreciate your thoughtfulness," he said acknowledging their loss for the first time, inexplicably to two strangers, and bringing Meredith close to his side kissed the top of her head, "we experienced a great loss in our family."

Meredith's dream, in some ways prophetic had brought her face to face with the girl in the hospital bed, but more significant were the intricate interwoven bonds their families would share for generations to come.


	111. Chapter 111

**Chapter 109 – Building trust **

She did not know how she managed to hold herself together without breaking down, after Derek had spoken of a great loss in their family, but somehow she had until they reached his office.

They walked in and he closed the door behind him, and simply held her "shhh, it's ok," he said kissing her temple, "you were so brave in there…and I'm so proud of you," he murmured softly, "and I love you very much," he said trying to keep his own emotions under control.

"Derek…" she cried, "I'm sure…I am…if there's such things as angels…that…that was our baby…somehow…she let us know…Derek…she knew her daddy saved another little girl," she whimpered and held on to him tightly, and with that, his resolve crumbled, and they both held each other and cried.

"I'm going to be gone for just a little bit…I'm going to go check on her scan…and then, we can leave…" he spoke gently, "will you be ok?"

"Yes."

"Will you lie down a bit…please," he said and walked her to the small couch, and when she sat down kissed her lips briefly.

"I'm ok…go, make sure she's ok…do you think she is Derek, do you think she's going to be ok?"

"I want to review all her tests, and what's happened since her surgery, but, Meredith, there's no explanation for that drop in temperature, there really isn't…"

"Derek," she said, holding his hand in hers, "maybe there is…"

"Let me check everything out, I won't be long."

"Derek…it's too much of a coincidence…my dream…the name…Briana…"

"We'll talk later…ok?"

"Yes. Is it ok, if I use your computer?"

"Of course," he said, and walked over to his desk, and pretending to look for some papers, placed a small black and white image inside his coat jacket, " I should be here shortly, if you need anything…page me."

"I'm ok…"

"Yes…you are…"

Derek…when you come back…can we talk…talk about my dream…"

"We can talk about anything you want," he said, and again walked over to her and brushed her lips with his.

Derek hurried through the hospital corridor, he wanted to understand Kelly's sudden recovery, and make sure there was nothing they were overlooking.

"Derek," he stopped at the sound of Lexie's voice, "is something wrong with Meredith, you're here, you had to bring her in?"

He smiled at her concern, "good morning Lexie, no she is fine, we dropped off Kathleen at the airport and I got paged, a 911 with the little girl I operated on right…right before Meredith…before she lost the baby."

"Where is she? Did she go to her house?"

"No, she's actually in my office, I didn't think she was up to seeing a lot of people yet"

"Yeah…I get it."

"Lexie, I'm sure she would not mind seeing you…if you have a few minutes."

"I do…I'm early…you know, Dr. Yang, I'm trying to be here when she gets here, get the best surgeries and all."

"Lexie…" he started to speak, but stopped.

"Derek, did you want to say something?"

"Yang, she's an excellent doctor, she will be an amazing surgeon, but you…both you and Meredith have a quality she does not have, compassion…and that…don't ever lose sight of that…"

"I want to be a great doctor…I want to learn…"

"You will, just keep the important things in life in perspective, it's not all about the surgeries…I'm afraid Yang forgets that at times…"

"I won't…and if I do…I'll have my sister and brother in law to remind me…"

"We will…go see her."

Meredith heard a soft knock on the door, which she decided to ignore, she was not ready to face anyone or answer questions yet, but, the door open slightly and she was a bit annoyed until she saw it was her sister.

"Mer, Derek said you were here, that I should…that it would be ok if I came to see you, I hope you don't mind…that's why I opened the door, he said you probably wouldn't answer.."

"Lex, stop rambling, and come in and close the door."

"He told me he was called in after you dropped off Kathleen."

"Yes, he was…what are you doing her so early? It's barely six, don't you start at eight today?"

"Cristina, she's been her since five…get the best surgeries and all and she's kind of teaching me a little, letting me be in on her surgeries."

"Really?"

"Just in the last few days…but yeah, so I had to get here early today."

"Lex…Cristina is brilliant, as a doctor, a surgeon, but don't lose sight of who you are, I've seen you with patients, don't ever lose that for the hard core approach she has…"

Lexie laughed, "that's what Derek just said."

"What do you mean?"

"He gave me a similar speech…not to lose being compassionate…and I told him I'd have the two of you to remind me, and keep me in line."

"We will…" she smiled, "he really said that?"

"Mer…you two…you are amazing…how in sync you are…"

"It hasn't always been that way…" she murmured.

"But, it is now…don't forget it."

"I won't, don't worry."

"Mer, are you two ok…after that argument…that night…I don't want to …well you know, I'm not being nosy, I just…it was important…and I hope you've talked."

"We've talked…we still have some things to work on, but we're working on them, and Lexie, he's been so amazing…wonderfully supportive, I could not have…couldn't have done this without him…" she said softly.

"I'm glad…so glad the two of you are ok…"

"Lex…having you…and Mark and Kathleen, it's meant a lot…we both needed you."

"I'm sorry…sorry it had to happen. But, Mer…I'm glad you let me help…even if just a little."

"You helped more than a little," she said and kissed her cheek, "you have no idea how much it has meant to have your support …since that night…the night you first drove me home."

"That feels like ages ago…"

"It does…I wish…I wish, so much I had known I was pregnant…I don't know how I could be so stupid, Lexie, I'm a doctor, I should have known, and I would have tried not to be so upset…to do things differently…Derek tells me it would not have made a difference…but Lexie, I don't know…if I would have taken better care of myself…" she said and Lexie saw her eye mist with tears.

"Meredith, you know that's not true…what happened, there was no way to prevent it…Mer, from the beginning, even when you did not know it…there were signs…that something wasn't right, it wasn't your fault, these things happen, and as doctors most of the time we can't explain it…please don't do this to yourself."

"That's what Derek and Kathleen have said."

"They're both right," she said as her pager went off, "I have to go, it's Cristina."

"Lex, I'm glad I got to see you this morning, we'll be back in a couple of days, well, back at work in three days, it worked…with the days I was already scheduled off, and these days…it worked…to be off and not back so soon."

"Meredith, try to relax…take your mind off things…I know it won't be easy, but he's trying so hard, he really wanted to take you somewhere where you could…"

"Lexie, you know where he's taking me…tell me…"

"No…I don't know…really, I have to go…"

"Lexie…"

"Fine…I know, but I'm not going to tell you…it's a surprise, and he really wants you to enjoy it…Mer…just go with it…he wants to take care of you."

"I can see where you are always going to be on his side," she pouted, hoping Lexie would talk.

"Meredith…that fake pout doesn't work…and I've told you before…whenever I'm on his side…it's because you're going to be happy…enjoy your time away, he put a lot of thought behind it."

"Ok…just tell me…when did he plan it?"

"You can wait…and ask him…"

"Lexie, come on…that won't give it away…"

"Ok…while you were taking a nap, yesterday, at Kathleen's we went online and it was just what he had in mind, I wish I was going…"

"Where is it?"

"It's not that far…only about…" she paused, "you…you …cheat…no, I'm not telling you anything else," she said and got up and walked ot the door, "Mer…he really loves you."

"I love him too. I'll see you in a few days."

Once Lexie left his office, Meredith went to sit at his desk and turned on the computer, smiling as she entered his password. First she decided to check the same websites she'd consulted about her pregnancy and now read about miscarriages, and decided she'd call to make an appointment with Dr. Cameron, then she went to check her emails, and was shocked to see one already from Mrs. Shepherd, along with many that had remained unread far longer than usual.

_Meredith, dear, _

_I imagine you did not expect to get an email from me so quickly, I'll let you in on a secret, it's still amazing to me how easy this makes communication, even with my grandchildren, I confess I enjoy it immensely, and drive my children crazy, but it makes me feel young that I can keep up with the youngsters, they don't know what tricks grandma still has up her sleeve and how she keeps an eye on them on my space! _

_You must be wondering, how did she get my email already, well, I just spoke to Kathleen, while she's waiting at the airport and did not give her an option. Don't worry, unlike what those three may have told you, I am not going to bombard you with tons of emails. _

_I know being a resident is very time consuming, but I do wish you would stay in touch every once in a while. I'm also not going to make a habit of writing these long emails…just this one time, think of it as an introduction to your future mother-in-law…since Derek has not had the decency to introduce us, but what can I expect from him, since he has not even invited me to visit Seattle for that matter. Don't worry, I'm not going to pry (just yet – fair warning). _

_Now, let me tell you, I do send them several emails a day, because I truly enjoy them, but if they only knew the other ones I don't pass on, their mother, has not been put out to pasture and still has a sense of humor! If they read on, once in a blue moon, it's worth the risk of the unread ones. Derek, for example will reply just to me, make me believe he's read it, and the rest use the excuse that hospital rules don't allow personal emails. Kat even told me she cancelled her personal account, LOL, oh yes, I've learned some of the internet lingo, she doesn't realize I can see when she's online. DO NOT tell her! I don't bombard her, because I know she is busy with her practice and her family, and she and I are the most alike, btw, I do make allowances for her, just as for Derek, I love all my children equally, but those two…well, you'll understand one day. Do not, let him read this email, though if I were a betting woman…I can almost see him over your shoulder reading this. _

_Meredith, I so enjoyed speaking with you, and I hope you will think of me as someone you can trust and turn to. I know your Mom is gone, and sometimes even as we get older, it's good to have a mother figure to turn to, if for no other reason than we may have already experienced similar things in the past. I am not going to be a horrible mother in law…unlike my kids portrayal of me as the strict foreboding mother they do not want to be compared to…"take that back," I have heard so often, just before I walk in to a room, and I only laugh, because in reality, they know that all I have ever done is love them, and after I was left alone with five kids…imagine how they would have turned out if I did not have a strong hand with discipline. Now, I am blessed with five wonderful kids, and Mark, when he behaves himself, all of whom are successful professionals, doctors in fact that enjoy saving lives and helping others. Nancy…well, we'll have to work on her, but don't you worry she will come around as soon as she realizes how much the two of you really love each other, yes, Kathleen did tell me that. _

_Sweetheart, I know you and Derek have been through a lot together, his silence for so long is evidence of that, but after talking to him a few days ago, and now you and him again, I sense, unequivocally that the two of you have made a commitment to each other, and I'm happy to know my son will be happy at last. Yes, Kathleen did say that she believes you will be happy. But, I could hear the sadness in your voice, and his, and I hope that will soon pass, as I told you I will not press Kathleen for answers, in fact, I meant it when I said I would like to hear it from you and Derek, when you choose to share that with me. You are both in my prayers._

_Meredith, my sons in law called me Mom, long before they were married. I hope you will want to do the same, I won't push, but already, I have no doubts you are part of the family. Some took a bit longer and called me Mrs. S_

_The Shepherd women, you may have heard, have been keeping each other informed about anything they think is relevant to our family, and that's the reason Kathleen avoided my calls and Jenna's, we can sense when something is wrong. _

_Write back when you can, and your answer does not have to be long. I promise that my next emails will be as they are meant to be…a way to keep in touch._

_Give my love to Derek. I hope to meet you very soon, love, Mom _

Meredith read the email twice before she replied, both times wiping tears away from her eyes.

_Dear Mrs. S, _

_Please don't be offended if I'm not ready to say Mom. This…emotional intimacy, doesn't come easy for me, but I'm trying._

_You have warmed my heart, and made me smile, when I needed it most. Maybe not today, but soon, I promise I will find a way to be more open. Kathleen made it so easy, and you are doing the same. But now, you're right, I've a bit of sadness in my heart…and I'm not ready to talk about it. Derek has been my strength, and I love him more than I ever thought possible. Thank you for all you did raising your children, I am lucky to have had two of them here with me this week. _

_I too, look forward to meeting you soon, and if Derek forgets to say so, please consider this our invitation to come to Seattle. With affection and heartfelt gratitude, Meredith _

Derek was back almost forty five minutes later, and saw the tears in her eyes as she sat in front of his computer, and immediately went to her side.

"Meredith," he said as he put his arms around her and rested his chin on top of her head, "what can I do…to make this better?"

"It's not really sad tears…I swear…" she said as she reached for his hand, and held it his just over her heart.

"Then what is it," he said kissing the top of her head.

"Your Mom…"

"My Mom made you cry…she called?"

"No…her email," she said, and he began to read, and stopped, extending his hand for her to get up, and he took her place and sat her on his lap, then continued reading, and she heard his chuckle, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"I can't…" he laughed, "I cannot believe her, wait till I tell Kathleen and Mark."

"Derek Christopher, you will do no such thing," she told him indignantly.

"Meredith…I can't not tell them…" he laughed.

"That's…that's not nice…Derek…it's not nice at all," she said, and he knew the hormones were still very much affecting her.

"It's ok, I won't say anything," he said and kissed her softly.

"Derek, she trusted me, to say that…and if you…if they find out, you know they can't keep their mouth shut, and they'll tell her, and she'll know she can't trust me…you can't do that…Derek, please…I want…I want to be able to… I want to earn being able to call her Mom"

"Meredith, you've already earned it…she's told you…you already have that, but…I won't say anything…it's important to you…and that's all that matters."

"Thank you…" she said and kissed him, " I love you Derek."

"I love you too. Are you ready to go?"

"Uhmmm… Lexie, she told me where we're going, it's…"

"What…Lexie told you…"

"She did, I had to prompt it out of her, but she said you wanted it to be…"

"You are lying…she did not tell you where we're going…I cannot believe you'd pulled this…"

"I did not say she told me where…just that you wanted me to enjoy it…" she teased, and kissed him.

"If you like where we go…we'll be back…when I can do all the teasing…and you can pay back…lots of payback"

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too, let' s go," he said, and they walked out of his office hand in hand, each secretly hoping they would make it out of the hospital without running into anyone they knew, and avoid dealing with the reality of talking about their loss until they returned to work.

_AN - 28 JUN - Have to go out...so figured I'd post this at least. There may be more typos/grammar errors than usual. Will post rest of it tomorrow._


	112. Chapter 112

**Ch 110 – Gentle, tender touches **

The early morning colors of sunrise had begun to manifest in the horizon as they drove on I-405 when Meredith who'd given in to a light snooze asked him, "we're heading toward Spokane?"

"That's about right, you abandoned me to sleep…"

"You know I always do that when I drive in with you…"

"Maybe you should start driving in the mornings," he said smiling.

"We could do that," she told him.

"Meredith, I'm kidding, I don't mind."

"Derek, did you think my email to your Mom was ok…respectful, I mean… I couldn't call her Mom yet, but I explained to her, and I think I can…I will, unless, well, I didn't think of if before, but do you mind, do you think your sisters would mind, Nancy and all, I can just call her Mrs S, that's ok…that would be ok…"

"Meredith," he said reaching for her hand, "it was perfect…she will love your response and it will all work out."

"I hope so."

"Stop worrying," he said bringing her hand to his lips, "take my phone, answer it," he said, as it vibrated in its holster, "it's probably Kathleen ready to go."

She did as he asked, and it was Kathleen, "hi, are you ready to go?"

"Mer, we're boarding in a few minutes, and I was just going to leave a message."

"We're driving towards somewhere… but Derek won't tell me where."

"You are going to love it…believe me…hey, did Mom email you, she pestered me for your address."

"She did, and I answered back before we left the hospital."

"Why were you at the hospital, are you ok?"

"Not me, Derek got an urgent message about the little girl he operated on, and we stopped by."

"You went with him? You're ok?"

"Yes, she is precious Kathleen, and she's going to be ok."

"You want to talk to him?"

"Yes, but, Meredith, don't spoil Mom with answering so fast, you'll make it hell for the rest of us," she laughed.

"Kahleen, she was wonderful…and…well, she said I should call her Mom, and Derek says it's ok, but I don't want to offend anyone…your sisters if I do that…I mean, Derek and I are together, but we're not married or engaged… and who knows…but I just don't want you sisters…"

"Meredith, my brother's brainlessness is obviously contagious…she said you should call her Mom, that's enough…it's her wish, nothing to do with my sisters and nobody is going to be offended by that, you're part of this family, married or engaged…or not…"

"Ok."

"Let me talk to Derek…and Meredith, call me…if you need to talk to me…please call me."

"I will…have a safe flight Kathleen, let us know when you get home."

"Hey, I couldn't hear your answer to Meredith…but I take it you told her to stop worrying…yes, you're right, thanks."

"Derek, just remember the next few weeks are going to be hard for her, emotionally it will be weeks before she's back to normal, physically…it varies…just don't rush her…and you need to be gentle with yourself as well."

"Thanks for everything, again…I'll call you when we get back home…"

"Derek, follow your heart, your instincts…whatever that feeling is…take her…she'll love whatever you do for her…"

"I plan on it."

"I'm always ready for a trip abroad," she laughed, "don't hesitate to include reinforcements, but I'm sure when you propose the answer will be yes."

"I'm counting on it," he laughed, "have a safe trip, I'll call you."

"What was all that passport and feeling talk at the airport," Meredith questioned.

"What do you mean?"

"Don't give me that…what does she know?"

"She doesn't know anything, she thinks she does…but she does not know anything," he smiled and gently caressed her hand with his thumb."

"What does she think she knows?"

"That I'm taking you away…on a trip …" he paused for effect, "that requires your passport."

"Why?"

"Why does it require your passport?"

"No, why does she think that?"

"She thinks she's very in tune with me…"

"She kind of is Derek."

"Uhmmm, maybe, since we were kids."

"So where are we going, with a passport?"

"Could be lots of places…" he teased.

"You're not going to tell me," she pouted.

"Yes, I'll tell you…" he continued to smile, her hand still in his.

"Where…" she said with expectation.

"Somewhere that requires a passport."

"That is plain mean Derek…you lead me on there…"

"Uhmmm…and you never have…"

"That…that is totally different…"

"How…"

"Oh never mind," she said, deciding now was not the time to get into that conversation.

Time flew and before they knew it, they'd arrived in Snoqualmie to Meredith's surprise.

"Derek, what are we doing here, I know they have the Falls, but…you…you can't expect me to go hiking…I'm not…not quite up to that."

"I don't expect you do to anything, just relax," he told her and drove a few more minutes until they arrived at this destination.

"Derek, this is a Spa…what…what are we doing here?"

"Staying…for two nights…"

"What? This…Derek, I know this is very expensive, I've read about it in Seattle magazine."

"I saw the article in the same magazine you were reading."

"It costs a fortune…" she said still sitting with her seatbelt on.

"I make a fortune…and I'm not complaining about the cost," he said as he got out of the car and opened her door, "I want to pamper you…let me do this…there isn't a lot more I can do," he said leaning in to kiss her, and handing the keys to the valet attendant.

"Thank you.," she said softly.

They checked in without delay, the young lady indicating they had early check in taken care of, and getting someone to escort them to their suite and explain some of the amenities along the way, as Derek walked with Meredith's hand in his.

"This is beautiful Derek," she said looking around their room, and over to the windows to take in the view, "but…really…too much…we didn't…Derek, it's 700 a night…a simple room would have been more than enough."

He silenced her with a kiss which she gave in to without further conversation," and when both needed to breath, he walked her over to the couch, and gathered her in his arms.

"Do you like it?"

"Of course I like it…and the view is amazing…you can see the river…"

"I thought it would be good for us, to get away not have to worry about anything…no cooking or work…just relax…the two of us."

"It was, it's very thoughtful…" she said and snuggled into his embrace.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek…and it feel so wonderful to say that…over and over…"

"So…your brainless surgeon got it right…choosing this place," he joked, and kissed the top her head.

"Kathleen," she smiled, "just told me brainlessness was contagious…"

"Why?"

"Because," she said while entwining their fingers, "I was telling her about calling your Mom…Mom…"

"I'm sure she gave you the right answer."

"She did."

"I still cannot believe how she's on to all of us…" he laughed.

"I am going to tell her she was right, about you looking over my shoulder."

"You don't have to."

"I want to…Derek…I think it would be nice…having a mother figure, like she said."

"She can be more than a mother figure…think about it."

"I am."

"Good."

"Derek, what do you want to do…while we're here…it's very romantic, and it's wonderful…but…we…we can't, I can'…Dr Cameron said…"

"Hey…you need to heal…physically …I know that…but you and I …it's not about sex…well, we have great sex…but, you and I…so much more than that…and now, I want to pamper you…do whatever you want…stay in bed all day, get a massage, if you want, we can go out …for a short walk…nothing strenuous…or if you just want to sit here, like this, in my arms and talk…or be quiet…that's what we'll do…"

"But…what about you…what do you want to do?"

"I want you to be happy."

"Oh…Derek…" she said softly, and kissed .

"I want you to heal…physically it will take its course, emotionally I want to be there…I want to help you…" he said and paused, and she heard the emotion in his voice.

"What can I do…how can I help you…it's your loss too."

"You already are…recognizing my pain…our pain…"

"We'll do this together," she said "and we're going to be fine"

"We are," he said, "Meredith and Derek fine."

"Meredith and Derek fine," she said and turning in his arms kissed him and every touch, every gentle caress transmitted how very much she loved him, and they basked in the knowledge each was there for the other.

They'd agreed no cell phones, in fact Derek had provided the direct number to the hotel to the doctor in Kelly's case if there was an emergency, otherwise, it was their time away without interruptions.

"This is the first time we've gone away together," he murmured absently.

"Yeah…I'm sorry…part of it is …well you know…"

"It's perfect…just what it was meant to be, you and me together…"

"I could get used t this…being spoiled like this…"

"I hope so…I plan on doing this more often…"

"You do…" she asked with a hint of hopefulness.

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek…we're going to be fine…you believe that…right?"

"I know so…"

"Do you mind, if I lie down…I'm tired…"

"I don't mind," he said, remembering all that Kathleen had told him and Lexie as to how she would be feeling both physically and emotionally over the next few weeks, "it's technically still early…barely eight in the morning."

He walked with her to the bed, and she lay down against the pillows, "will you lie down with me…I know it's …I need you Derek…just to hold me…"

"I need you too," he whispered, and got in bed beside her, spooning her, holding each other's hands and soon fell asleep as the sun continued its inevitable daily rise.

It was close to noon when she woke, and found herself in bed alone, alone in the suite in fact, and wondered where Derek was. She found out soon enough, when he heard the door open as walked out of the bathroom.

"You're awake," he smiled and went to sit down next to her on the small couch, "I didn't want to disturb you so I went to check out our lunch options and since they get booked early, held a couple of appointments for you in case you want to get a massage…there's two types I thought you'd like…"

"I'd probably just prefer…" she started, but changed her mind, he was trying so hard to please her, pamper her, she could go get some spa treatments even if all she felt like doing was sleep. But she knew, after reading some of the emotional symptoms after a miscarriage that what she was feeling was normal in these circumstances.

"You don't have to," he said gently, and leaned in to kiss her.

"What…what did you reserve…you're right, it would be good, and I certainly won't have too many opportunities after we go back to work to enjoy a spa like this."

"Good," he said and gave her the options "I also checked out lunch," he told her and mentioned what he thought she'd liked, and she went along with him, consenting with a smile.

"That sounds good, are you hungry…oh my God Derek, you didn't have breakfast, you must be starving, we should go now."

"Aren't you hungry too?"

"Not really, but I could eat, what you mentioned sounds good, " she said and they left their room to return a couple of hours later after eating lunch and a very short stroll around the property.

"It was freezing out there, it's nice to have this fireplace," he whispered in her ear, as they stood near the wood burning fire, "we definitely need one of these in our bedroom," he said kissing the back of her neck, and was pleased as he felt her reaction to his touch.

"Uh huh…definitely in our bedroom," she said quietly and wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"All better," he asked.

"Yes."

"You want to tell me what's on your mind?"

"I'm…it's nothing."

"Share that nothing with me," he said softly, nuzzling her neck, and leading her to the couch where he leaned back against the armrest and had her sit back, pressed against his chest.

"You won't get mad at me…"

"Not the best way to start the conversation…but no, I won't get mad at you…" he told her as he kissed the top of her head, and lightly caressed her arms in a gentle soothing motion.

"I feel bad that you've brought us here, spent all this money, and we can't take full advantage of the romance of it all…the tub…the atmosphere…maybe we should just stay one night, and we can come back…"

"We can come back…if you want…but this, right here, this moment, that's all I need."

"My knight…" she said, and turned around to face him, "in shining armor…"

"She got it right…" he smiled.

"You deserve that… that I know that…that title…and so much more…and I give you so little," she said as she cupped his face in her hands, and smoothed his hair back, running her fingers through it.

"I have everything I need …with you in my arms, like this… I don't need anything else…I have the love of my life…"

"Derek…you are…the love of mine…"

"That…that title…that's the one that means the most…that's the one that makes my heart skip a beat, hearing those words from your lips," he told her, and cupped her face and caressed her gently and they were mesmerized by each other's gaze, and lost themselves for countless minutes as they acknowledged the deep emotional longing buried within their souls, and each ministered to the other's needs with simple kisses and tender smiles and gentle touches until the time when all the passion they longed to shared could be fulfilled.

"I love you Derek…for always."

"As I do, Meredith."

"Derek, I'm not feeling very well…" she started to say, and he interrupted her.

"What…why didn't you tell me…Meredith, we were at the hospital…what's wrong…do we need to call Dr. Cameron?"

"Listen…I'm ok, just that I'm feeling tired, more so than I think I should…let me rephrase that, more than I though I would be…I thought…by now, I'd be feeling better, but I'm still…well…I'm still having physicals symptoms I thought would be gone…"

"Meredith…we're both doctors…we can talk about it."

"I know…it's just…well, I'm going to go see Dr Cameron when I get back to work…so he can examine me, make sure everything is ok…"

"Do you feel like it's not…talk to me…I spoke, well, Kathleen spoke to Lexie and I as to what we could expect, and she spoke to me alone…but we can talk…if you want…" he encouraged, and she did, and he listened, and gave her comfort and support.

"I read about it…while you were with Kelly, so I know…it's different for every woman, but being here with you…and not be with you…it…it's just…"

"It's hard as hell," he teased her.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…we have the rest of our lives…so we have to wait to be together…a little longer…I knew that…we have to wait and that could be a week or two or even a bit more…so we'll wait."

"I'm sorry…"

"I'm not…we are together, like this…that's enough…"

"I love you Derek."

"Uhmmm…" he said close to her ear, "what else is bothering you…"

"Nothing…"

"Is that going to become like 'fine'," he teased her.

"Maybe…"

"I though so…how long do I have to wait to hear about it," he asked, just as there was a light knock on the door, "saved by the knock…"

"Who are you expecing?"

"Your massage and then a special foot something or other."

"I thought I had to go to them…"

"No…I thought you'd feel better here…unless you want to go to the spa…"

"Here is perfect."

"What about you…are you getting one too?

"No…I'm going to go for a vigorous workout," he said and got up to open the door.

The massage relaxed her every muscle, and she knew she wanted Derek to get the same treatment, she would talk to him about it later. She was asleep when he got back to the room, and went in to take a shower, then joined her in bed, he too exhausted.

"Derek," she said softly, and kissed him awake, "we've done nothing but sleep…"

"That's fine…we're supposed to relax…do nothing…"

"The sun is setting…aren't you hungry?"

"I am," he said, as he kissed her.

"Soon…I promise…as soon as we can…" she said and kissed him back.

"I could eat some food, if you want," he joked.

"Can we stay in… I don't feel like getting dressed."

"We can order in…and I don't feel much like getting dressed either," he told her and looked for the menu so they could order their evening meal, "they have a great wine selection, what would you like?"

"You pick…"

"How was your massage?"

"Great…you should have one, before you go, you need to have one…"

"They have couple massage rooms," he told her, "several different options, there's a brochure about it, I think I saw it in the bathroom."

"That bathroom is bigger than half your trailer Derek…"

"So, let's enjoy it," he teased, "before we have to go back to my pint size bathroom and shower."

"We've managed well enough," she joked and smiled at him.

"I love your smile…it's good to see it."

"I'll try harder… I will…just…give me a few days…"

"You take all the time you need," he said and kissed her softly, and helped her out of bed.

"Derek, this is nice…no phones…TV…though it's there, but just the two of us, the gorgeous view…it's perfect…thanking you for thinking of it."

"Would you like to come back?"

"It's so expensive."

"Meredith…you do realize how much money I make…"

"Derek, I don't go around thinking about your money."

"I know you don't…one of the many things I love about you…but it's there…for us to spend."

"I can't spend your money," she said a bit surprised

"Why the hell not?"

"Well, it's…it's not mine."

"It's going to be… once we're married…you can spend it however you want…you can spend it now."

"I can't do that…"

"You can, but, we're not going to argue about this. not now…we can save that for later."

"You think we're going to argue about this…"

"I can almost guarantee it…" he laughed, "but unlike most couples…I won't mind if you spend it."

"You say that now, what if suddenly I become this materialistic bitch that wants to spend thousands of dollars in shoes and bags," she challenged.

"Ouch…that's a good description of Addison," he laughed, and she could not help but join in his slaughter.

"That was mean Derek…" she giggled, "she had her own money too…lots of it…"

"Meredith…we're not going to fight about it…whatever I have, is yours…it's ours."

She decided to drop it, but it was something they'd need to talk about later, preferably before the got married she thought, and immediately caught herself, and thought about the fact that he had not even proposed.

"What has you looking so serious?"

"Nothing…I mean, just that it will be hard when we go back to work, all this pampering."

"Uh huh…" he said, not believing her for a second, but deciding not to push her. She'd talk to him when she was ready, he no longer had any doubts about that, they were making progress, each day they were talking, letting the other one in, sharing intimacies and pieces of themselves. He wouldn't rush her, they had a lifetime.

They brought dinner, and when she saw the dessert, she smiled.

"What are you smiling at?"

"Remembering…" she said, smiling back at him, "the first time I realized I was falling for you."

"It involved chocolate cake?"

"It did…" she smiled.

_AN 29JUN – I could easily end this with an epilogue, but I've become fond of these two characters, and not quite ready to let them go, so I'm allowing them to build their relationship, perhaps a bit slower than some of you may like. But, to get them to the site of their proposal…I think I need to develop these moments between them, so the poignancy of his thoughtfulness, when he does propose is all the more meaningful._

_It's not going to be long…he is proposing…very soon…within two weeks of their time frame, and they are traveling, where she does need her passport! I've been waiting to write that scene since I started writing this story…and then I thought…what if…this also happened, so, I'm also developing that what if…with these updates._


	113. Chapter 113

**Chapter 111 – Falling in Love **

"Uhmmm…chocolate cake, fond memories…I gather…" he said smiling and tilting his head just in that way that made her melt completely.

"Not at all," she smiled and then laughed at the look on his face.

"I thought you said…"

"I said, I was remembering…" she teased him.

"You smiled," he pouted, "usually, well that means a fond memory."

"Usually," she smiled, and tried to keep from laughing. He was actually pouting, and she took a bite out of the chocolate cake, and decided to go with the playfulness she was feeling, "want some?"

"No, I'm not overly fond of chocolate cake," he said curtly.

"Derek…"

"So… you regretted that you were falling … in love…lust…whatever…"

"Derek…" she said softly, no longer teasing, "did you regret it…falling in love with me…or lust…or whatever…"

"Did you…do you still?" he said, and for the first time she realized he had his own set of doubts to deal with.

She got up from the chair and went to him, "Derek, I was teasing you…but you, you were pouting…I thought you were being playful as well," she said and sat on his lap.

"I have doubts too, you know."

"Where...is this coming from…you doubt my feelings?"

"Maybe…I'm feeling as insecure as you do…sometimes…"

"Then, I'm sorry…it wasn't my intention…I was just playing with you…"

"Did you…do you regret it?"

"Do you?"

"You know I don't, Meredith," he said, unaware of the rash of emotions his words and mood had evoked.

"Then…then, why…why would you think I do…" she said, and he saw the tears gather, and wanted to kick himself for his stupidity, but she let all of it out, without taking a breath in between, "I can't…I can't do anything right…I try…" she said quietly, "try to be playful…and nothing works…nothing I do…makes you happy… just…just the opposite…we're stuck in this sadness…and I tried to make it a little better…and I can't even do that…" she finished, started to get up, "I'm sorry I've made you so miserable, that you feel this way…I'm…I'm going…"

"Hey," he stopped her, "I'm the one that needs to apologize, there's no excuse for making you feel this way," he said and kissed her, but did not get any reaction from her, as she sat there looking distant. "Meredith, where do you think you're going?"

"To bed…and we should just leave in the morning, don't waste your money or time on me…I'm obviously not worth it," she said as tears spilled down her cheeks.

"Not worth it…you are the most important thing in my life, there isn't enough that I can do for you…and I'm very sorry for making you feel this way, I was selfish and stupid, and instead of paying attention to what you were saying, and how you intended it, I acted like a brainless, stupid, moronic jack-ass…"

"You did…" she said, softly…lifting her eyes to him with tears still brimming.

"I did…I'm sorry…I don't know what possessed me to question you…when I know you love me…Meredith, I don't have those doubts…I was just …an ass…"

"Derek…that wasn't nice…not when you know my hormones are on their own rollercoaster ride, that I have no control over…and I feel sad one minute, and like crying, but …sad mostly…but, I tried…to go with the playfulness and you get all pouty, and broody on me…and you can't do that, Derek, not now…later…you can…if you want, and I can yell and scream at you …but right now…I don't have a lot of control over my emotions."

"I'm sorry…you're right, and I need to be more sensitive…but, Meredith…it's not an excuse, it's not…but…this is new to me too," he said, and kissed her softly.

"I know…but, Derek…what we just did…it's good, it's progress…we didn't let the other pull away…that's good right?"

"That's very good…and it is progress…tremendous progress…do you forgive me?"

"Yes," she said as she brushed his lips with hers. "Derek…we are a mess."

"But…we're working on fixing it…right?"

"If we don't kill each other first …" she joked lightly, "with an overdose of emotions," and got him to laugh, and they touched and kissed with tender care given to the other.

She reached over the table and brought the chocolate dessert closer to them, and placed some on her fork, "care to try again?" she smiled offering him a bite, which he accepted.

"Not bad," he smiled.

"That's not what I said to Izzie," she smiled.

"Uhmmm…so it was Izzie…that witnessed the first admission…"

"Oh no…well, kind of, but not really…because Cristina knew first, that you were McDreamy and all, but she didn't know that I was really falling for you, just that we had great sex…and I hated Izzie that night…"

"Uhmmm…hated her…how did you feel about me…other than the great sex," he joked.

"I guess I kind of have to tell you the whole story," she said scrunching her nose.

"We have time…especially to hear about the great sex comment."

She rested her head on his shoulder, "you would focus on that…"

"You don't think about it…"

"What do you think?"

"You're thinking about it right now…"

"Kind of…" she smiled, "you've had me on your lap a lot lately."

"I'm not complaining," he smiled and kissed her.

"Neither am I," she said and kissed him back, "Derek, are we talking too much?"

He let out a hearty laugh, "talking too much? It's what we should have been doing all along," he assured her with a kiss.

"I don't want to bore you, you know."

"Meredith…you could never bore me, trust me."

"It started with Mr. Levangie, me falling for you…even when you…"

"When I was a jack-ass…"

"Yeah…but, if you recall, in spite of that…by the end of that night…"

"You brought a peace offering with a bottle of wine…"

"A peace offering…you conceited ass…" she said, hitting him gently on the shoulder.

"What would you call it," he said as he poured two glasses of red wine.

"Getting me drunk is not going to help you out of this one Derek."

"Who says I want you drunk, I want to hear your version of not bringing me a peace offering," he smiled, "let's…go sit on the couch by the fireplace."

"Can't handle me on your lap…"

"Something like that," he teased, "and we don't have a fireplace at home."

"At my house…we do."

"Along with a herd of roommates."

"They can be a pain…but…" she said and he heard the melancholy in her voice.

"They are your family…"

"Yeah…"

"Well, you know, after Bailey caught us, I though we really needed to end it, and…"

"You really did, want to end it?" he asked incredulously, "we were great together."

"Are you going to let me tell the story…"

"I can ask questions…this is the story…the tale for our grandchildren…"

"Our grandchildren," she whispered.

"If you want…Meredith…we don't have to…only if you want."

"I do Derek…not yet…but I will," she said and kissed him softly, and then rose and held her hand out to him, "let's go to the couch."

He settled her next to him, so he could look at her face as they spoke.

"So, you wanted to end it…"

"That's what I told Cristina," she shrugged, "and then you were such a jerk, treating me like crap in front of Bailey, but then you paged me and brought me back in on the case, and well, I'm weak…and you know the rest…"

"The part where you brought the bottle of wine as a peace offering…" he joked.

"You were very close to me ending it…"

"Seriously?"

"Yes…"

"Seriously…you were going to end it?"

"No…" she half smiled, "I couldn't end it…I was…already falling for you…"

"Really…"

"Don't be so smug about it…"

"Why not…I was already falling for you too…"

"You were…" she said wistfully.

"Completely…"

"Really…" she said, pushing back the curls from his forehead.

"Totally…" he said, and they kissed reliving those past emotions.

"Talking is good…" she said…"very good…"

"We'll have lots of talking…years of talking," he said as he tugged her bottom lip lightly.

"Mr. Levangie, Derek…he was a sweetheart…poor thing, so determined to be left alone," she said as she transported herself back to that moment, " his daughter was heartbroken at losing her father…she told me, I didn't know what it was like…to watch a parent…but I did…I did know… I was watching my Mom slowly slip away…" she said with tears in her eyes, "I knew…and I told him…it was her life too, not just his life that was affected…and somehow, after that, he decided to go through with it…"

"You…are the most amazing woman…"

"Why…"

"Your compassion, how you care about your patients, about people…I didn't know then…about your mother…"

"I know…but, if my experience…it could help him…I had to try…make him understand…"

"I wish I had known, earlier…to have been there for you…I could have helped more."

"You did."

"Did I?"

"Yeah…until…"

"Addison…"

"It's ok…it's worked out, it did…here we are."

"Here we are."

"We'd been successful with Mr. Levangie, he could walk…and I'd watched you lose the other patient, the lady with the tumor, remember?"

"I do…I tried …didn't want to give up on her…but…it was too late…"

"I watched you, from the gallery…"

"You did?"

"Yes…and I knew…I knew then…I didn't want to give up on us…it was the first time…you know…that I wanted it…a relationship…that I allowed myself to think of the future…a future with you…and even if it turned out to be a mistake, I had to try…"

"You were thinking it would be a mistake…"

"I was thinking …we were worth trying…worth not giving up on, so I went and bought a bottle of wine…"

"And waited it for me in the rain…"

"You remember…"

"Every single detail…of you…and you in my arms as the sun rose over the ferryboats…"

"Derek…" she smiled, "I don't think we can tell that story…"

"We'll have to modify it somehow…but …we…we will never forget it…"

"That's when I knew…in my heart I knew…but I wasn't admitting it…"

"Till the chocolate cake…I gather, Izzie baked…"

"Chocolate cake…very healing you know…"

"I can see that," he said, "do you want another one?"

"Probably, but…I'll get fat."

"You never get fat, and you eat quite a bit."

"That's just cause I'm younger…" she joked, "as you get older…metabolism slows, you have to try harder."

"You think I'm old?"

"I love you Derek…"

He laughed, "nice try."

"I'm kidding, you're perfect, I never think about your age…"

"Uhmmm."

"Seriously…I would not trade you for anyone younger or anyone else…ever…"

"Uhmmm."

"Derek…I love you…just as you are…faults and all…"

"So…" he teased her, "I'm old and full of faults…"

"You are perfect in every way I could have ever hoped for…and yes…flaws and all."

"You're going to have to do a lot of ego stroking you know…along with payback…"

"I'm looking forward to it."

"I love you Meredith."

"That…knowing that you love me, is what's making all of this bearable," she said, "knowing…we've finally…truly found each other."

"Don't ever forget it."

"Derek…before…before we go on…I just want to tell you, I read, while you were with Kelly…I went online and read some of the symptoms … what I might be feeling…after…after…the miscarriage," she stopped and took a deep breath, "and everything you've done…all you're doing…it's perfect…just perfect…and if I didn't already love you more than I ever thought possible…I'd love you even more right now."

"Thank you…even after all the ways I've screwed up… and tonight…making you cry…and sad…thank you."

"You're welcome…and I do love you…and thank you for all you've done, and Derek…I'm trying…really want to be sensitive to your feelings…it's our loss…and I want to be there for you…just as you have been for me."

"I love you too, more than you can ever imagine," he said caressing her face, cupping it gently and kissing her, "and what I'd do for you…what I'd be willing to do for you…just to make sure you're happy."

"We're a pair of sappy…corny people Derek…"

"We're two people…finally…talking about their feelings…two people lucky to have been given another chance…after almost losing each other…to be here…to have found the love of each other's life…that's priceless."

"It is…and Derek…we can't ever forget it…"

"Not in a million years…you're stuck with me…remembering…"

"For always…"

"For always…Meredith," he said as he gathered her in his arms, and they held each other, hands entwined in utter and complete contentment.

She'd relaxed completely, falling asleep, and he smiled as he heard the light snoring sound, and stroked her arm gently, whispering lightly in her ear.

"I…I'm not sleeping…or snoring…" she said in response.

"Uh huh…"

"I wasn't…"

"Ok…"

"Indulging my denial…again…" she smiled.

"I love you," he whispered with a smile on his face, and kissed the top of her head, "ready to call it a night."

"No…we've done …I've done nothing but sleep…and relax…we can stay up a little longer…enjoy the fire…it's nice and romantic…I can have another glass of wine."

"That brings fond memories of you getting me drunk…that first night…and taking advantage."

"Ok…I did not get you drunk…and you took advantage of me…" she said indignantly.

"This again…"

"Yes, Derek, again…we're going to get that straight…once and for all…"

"Can I hear the chocolate story first…that one may be easier to agree on…"

"Oh…you…infuriating…"

"Brainless…moron…" he questioned, raising his eyebrow.

"Yes."

"But you love me anyway…"

"I do…"

"That's all that matters," he said kissing her softly, "tell me about Izzie's awful chocolate cake."

"Oh it was to die for."

"But you hated it…"

"No, I hated her and maybe you…"

"What…you said…you realized you were falling for me…now you say you hated me…"

"Derek…"

"What…"

"Stop being a child…"

"I am not…"

"Stop pouting too…"

"I love bossy Meredith…" he joked, "not sure what to say when she's quiet."

"That's another issues…but back to the chocolate cake…" she smiled, "it really started that morning…"

"You're smiling…"

"That was a semi –fond memory…"

"Uhmmm…so it involved sex…" he joked.

"It did…do you remember…the morning George and Izzie saw you sneak out of the house?"

"Uhmmm…semi fond memory…makes sense…"

"I have very fond memories," she said, "of the night before…but Derek, they were awful, and I did not know why, until we got to the locker room, and Izzie was bitchy as hell, and told me to warn her about getting a hotel room, and I still didn't get it…and then George said I was too loud," she told him, and was interrupted by his laughter.

"They heard us…and they knew it was me…" he continued to laugh, "no wonder O'Malley was so pissed, I remember he wouldn't even shake my hand…over something else, a surgery."

"Derek," she scolded, "it was not funny…and why was George pissed?"

"Now I get it…I knew he saw me leave the house, but didn't realize they'd heard us…"

"Derek…it's not funny…and I'm not loud…"

"Oh…but you are…I love to hear you…turns me on even more…and I love to hear you moan…"

"Derek…"

"What…it's just us talking…"

"Still…"

"You…you're not shy…Meredith…"

"Well, I'm not…whatever…do you want me to finish the story or not…it's going to be morning soon."

"You're the one who's talking…"

"Derek, I can stop…I can go to sleep you know…"

"Finish the story…" he said bringing her into his embrace.

"Cristina made a comment that maybe they had seen you…but I dismissed it, and then my day just got worse…and Bailey knew, well she already did, but before…I'd talked to her about before we went in to surgery with Mr. Levangie, and apologized that I did not know you were my boss when I met you…"

"You apologized for that...why?"

"She wasn't speaking to me?"

"What…why didn't you tell me, she can't do that…"

"Derek…it was fine…anyway, she really had me jumping through hoops and told me it was just the beginning…"

"Of all the inappropriate, unprofessional things…you should have told me…I'm her boss."

"Exactly the point…it was fine…really, but then I realized Izzie knew, when in the locker room she told me they were all at a disadvantage, because obviously they couldn't do what I did for you…"

"What…and you didn't kick her out of your house…"

"Derek…she was right…" she smiled.

"No…we never…we did not let our relationship interfere with work…I never favored you…you were…are a brilliant doctor…and surgeon…there was no favoritism..."

"I knew that…well, not the brilliant doctor part…but I knew you weren't really doing that…so…I let it go…"

"You…are too damn nice."

"I got home that night, and her rant continued, she accused me of sleeping with you for a few good surgeries and hot sex…"

"Was it?"

"What?"

"Hot sex?"

"Uhmmm…every so often," she answered dismissively.

"I agree…it was the same for me."

"What…"

"I'm agreeing with you."

"You thought sex…was…only hot…sometimes…"

"Isn't that what you just said," he said…

"I…I didn't really…I was …" she said quietly and paused.

"Meredith…"

"Yes…" she answered quietly.

"Look at me…feel…my reaction to just having you close to me…" and to prove his point, brought her hand down, "has it ever been…sex between us…anything other than hot and full of passion?"

"No…"

"Then…you better be able to take what you dish out…and stop teasing…unless you realize I'm doing the same thing."

"You were…"

"What does it feel like to you right now…" he said, shifting uncomfortably at the touch of her hand.

"The way it's always been…the way it's always between us…"

"Don't forget it…now…since we really aren't going to take this much further than that…tonight…get ready to finish the damn chocolate story, when I get back," he said, and walked away for a few minutes, leaving her just a bit guilty, because, sex… talking about their past was one thing…but physically, right now was the last thing on her mind.

He left her side for a few minutes and took the opportunity to call room service and ask they pick up their dinner, and then walked out of the room and placed a call to the hospital.

"Where did you go," she asked, and handed him a glass of wine as he sat down beside her and reached for her hand.

"Quick walk…and I called the hospital, checked on Kelly, she's fine. Unbelievable…but she's fine."

"You saved her."

"You…" he said, "had a lot to do with that…I couldn't have done it…not …"

"Hey…you saved her…she's going to be fine, and she is absolutely precious."

"She is adorable…"

"Dr. Shep…" Meredith smiled, "very cute."

"Hey…finish the chocolate story…before we go to sleep tonight…"

"Kind of anti climatic now…"

"Not really…you'd just admitted we had hot sex…"

"I was very annoyed with her, and told her it was not the sex…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Yes…even then…I should have known…I did…" she said rolling her eyes, "she saw it in my eyes."

"That we had hot sex…" he teased.

"That I was falling for you…"

"And you were jumping for joy…"

"I hated her…told her I hated her…told her she was wrong…and it was not true, and that I hated her warm delicious chocolate cake…"

"And you hated Izzie…because…"

"She forced me to acknowledge my feelings…all warm and mushy and full of secret feelings she said, and I hated her…but, she cut me some slack after that…"

"So, you passed up the chocolate cake…but didn't hate her anymore."

"I sat in the kitchen and had two pieces…" she giggled.

"I adore you, Meredith," he said and kissed her passionately.

"Derek…" she said breathlessly, "let's…let's stop…"

"Uhmmm…you're right…another glass of wine…Dr. Grey…even if you're not going to take advantage of me again…"

"Hey…it was tequila and you had double scotches…so don't blame me for you getting drunk…and taking advantage of me…" she smiled.

"Meredith," he said, and holding her face in his hands whispered, "can we compromise on our first meeting …?"

"What…what do you mean," she said, totally lost in his gaze…and willing to compromise on just about anything at that moment.

"As the story goes…once upon a time…two lonely people…hiding their pain… met…and knew in our hearts…if not our minds… we'd found our soul mate…and yes we drank to that many times over…and then were smart enough to not let the other go…and we took mutual…" he said, kissing her, "consensual," and deepening the kiss, "hot…passionate…" and further as she was totally lost in his caresses, "advantage…" and they paused to gaze into each other's eyes, their reflection exact in the love and passion silently communicated, "of each other…" while their tongues joined in the eternal dance of legendary lovers finding and enjoying one another with each touch, each whisper, each tender and loving caress, until the moment baser needs could be fulfilled.

Later, she whispered, "Derek…you were right…that night…that first night…"

"About what…"

"Knowing you…even just part of you…made me love you…made me fall hopelessly in love with you."

_AN 1 JUL – Thanks for all your comments. Glad so many of you don't mind the time I'm taking to let their story unfold._


	114. Chapter 114

**Chapter 112 – Love conquers all **

"Uhmmm…you fell in love with me that night," he whispered, a hint of seduction in his voice.

"I ...did …" she giggled, "not…" kissing his neck, "say…" and his lips, "that…"

"You did…you just did…you can't take it back now…" he said, kissing her back.

"I said…"

"I know what you said…and I know what you meant," he said, and kissed her again, "and I'm thankful…you listened to me…and didn't turn away…though you tried, all the while playing hard to get…"

"Playing hard to get," she laughed, "have you lost your mind?"

"You did…Meredith…if we're going to get this story straight, you have to be honest…"

"I have to be honest," she laughed, "so, once upon a time…you'll tell them, mommy and daddy met…and mommy fell madly in love with daddy that very same night…but daddy forgot to tell her that there was this wicked wicked witch flying in to Seattle on her broom…and it would take two months for her to land… "

"Meredith," he laughed, "we don't have to be that honest," he said and they both laughed and he reached for her and held her, and she nuzzled his neck, as they enjoyed being able to talk about their past, and in spite of the pain separation had brought, savor the fact that now, they were together, that love, indeed conquers all.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"When did you fall in love with me…"

"The first time I saw you…"

"You did not…"

"The first time I saw you…sitting with your back to me, that sexy black dress…by the way…do you still have it?"

"Yes."

"Just wondering…"

"What are you wondering Derek?"

"You don't have to know every thought in my mind…"

"Seriously…when…" she asked him, and ran her fingers through his hair.

"I knew the first time I saw you that you were someone I wanted to get to know…then you threw me out after having your way with me all night, and by the time I saw you at the hospital, and you played hard to get," he said, with a light chuckle, "I knew I wanted to be with you…date you…make love to you all the time…"

"That does not answer my question…and I did not play hard to get, you were my boss…I thought I could get kicked out of the program, it was totally inappropriate…"

"Just like I said…played hard to get…made me chase you…"

"Derek…"

"Come on…let me have my fairy tale …"

"When you put it that way…go ahead…spin your fairy tale …"

"Don't joke…this is the story for our children…and grandchildren…"

"With some edits, but go ahead…"

"Every day I fell a little in love with you…"

"You did…" she asked as tears began to swim in her eyes, and she circled his neck with her arms.

"I did…" he said, kissing her starting at the neck and working his way down her throat and lower yet, "and the day…the day you kissed me in the elevator…I was totally lost in your spell."

"You were…" she said as she raised his head and brought his mouth to hers.

"I was…it was the beginning…of falling in love with you…"

"For me too…the beginning…"

"So…if it wasn't that first night…when was it…" he asked.

"The night …that stormy night…and that sunrise watching the ferryboats…I knew…I was in trouble."

"In trouble?"

"I'd never done this before Derek…never imagined I'd want a relationship…I began to have thoughts of romance…not just sex…and love, and the man of my dreams, spending my life with one man…"

"That night…for me too…I realized…like I've told you before, you were a breath of fresh air…I'd been drowning and you saved me…and I was not going to let you go…" he said and kissed her deeply, both moaning in response.

"The night at the trailer," they both murmured at the same time, and time stood still, as they understood the magnitude of that statement, they'd been in perfect synchronicity with the other…each recognizing their love had been gradual, but one night…when half truths were shared, each fell hopelessly in love with the other.

"It was…" she said, deep emotion in her voice, "the first time…the first time I had trusted a man with my heart."

"And…I betrayed that…I betrayed that trust…"

"No…Derek…let's not dwell on that…that night…did you love me, did you believe you were in love with me?"

"That night, knowing I had given you half truths, and you trusted me, took it all on faith as I'd asked, when you extended your hand to me…I knew, I loved you…and that somehow…we were meant to be together…for a lifetime."

"That's all I need to know…the rest…we took on faith Derek…and look…look where we are now…"

"We need to talk about it…"

"Not now…tonight…let's just enjoy memories of that night…remembering the night we both knew, in our hearts, that we loved each other."

"It was a beautiful night," he said.

"The most important night of my life…"she said, "though there's been others since, but that was the first time…the first time I believed maybe love…a love like ours existed."

"Do you realize how that makes me feel…" he said, guilt evident with every word.

"I hope it makes you believe in fairy tales…" she told him smiling.

"You are amazing… after all I've hurt you…how can you…"

"I found the love of my life…when I didn't even know if I believed in love at all."

"But…Meredith…after that…"

"Derek…let's leave that…for my therapy sessions…" she challenged.

"I love you Meredith, I don't deserve you."

"I'm going to be very angry with you, if you don't stop…do you know how lucky we are, after all that's happened, to be here…together…"

"Yes."

"Then, that's what I want us to celebrate…our love for each other…" she said, and lightly caressed his face.

"I'll make it up to you…I promise…" he said, turning his face and kissing the palm of the hand now caressing him.

"We'll do it together, Derek…we'll make up for the lost time together."

"We can do that…but…Meredith, I need to say this…please…"

"Ok," she said, and let him talk, as it was obviously important to him.

"I wish…I wish I had chosen you the first time…because…in my heart…you were already the woman I wanted to spend my life with…but I chose wrong…and things could have been so different…I made us lose so much time…and caused so much pain between us…there's so much we could have avoided, so much I could have done to ease your pain…your mother…you had to deal with that alone…and I'm sorry…I wish I would have followed my heart, instead of a false sense of what was right…or expected."

"Derek…"

"I lied to you…when I didn't tell you about Addison, I lied, and for that I will always be sorry…I only hope you have truly forgiven me."

"I wish you had told me…but, we can't go back…"

"Meredith, we've never talked about this, but that night, I was going to tell you…"

"It's ok."

"No, it's not…please, you have to believe me…when we were getting ready to leave, talking about having dinner…we were going to talk…when…"

"I believe you. Derek, I said, wine first, talk later…and we didn't have a chance, before she…" she paused, and to lighten the mood added, "the wicked wicked witch of the East finally landed with her broom…dressed in black…and bringing happily ever after to a halt…and so the kids can understand, you can tell them, it was a long commercial break…"

"How can you joke?"

"Because…" she said, looking intensely in his eyes, "I've already cried too many tears."

"You haven't forgiven me, have you?"

"I want to get on with our lives…and there's no sense in holding on to resentment."

"You haven't answered my question," he said with deep regret in his voice, "I understand though, if you haven't."

"I understood Derek, I did…why you tried to make it work, you are that kind of man…hold those kinds of values, and I understood, but it hurt…it hurt like hell, and it's still a bit hard to deal with all those months of … let's not do this, ok…"

"Finish…let's finish what we started…"

"I don't want to, not now…"

"Please…tell me…so I can beg for your forgiveness…beg that one day you will be able to tell me you've forgiven me."

"Heartbreak…months of heartbreak…Derek…and I did hate you…but I told you then, do you remember the day my mother was brought in, and the whole world found out about her suffering from Alzheimer's, my secret was out…and you let me scrub in…remember that day…"

"Yes," he swallowed past the lump in his throat, "you insisted …insisted on calling me Dr.Shepherd."

"Later, I told you how exhausting it was to hate you…"

"I remember, vividly," he said, now tears gathering in his eyes, "you kissed me…" he swallowed, "your kiss had a finality that broke my heart."

"It broke mine too," she said, tears now falling freely down her face, "but, I stopped hating you…I stopped hating you then…"

"Why…"

"Because…my heart was breaking, not… not because I hated you…but because it was filled with love…and you'd broken my spirit, you chose her…and broke my heart, but…Derek, then as now…I loved you."

This time, unlike that time she mentioned now, when it happened many months ago, it was him that reached for her face, cupping it gently in both hands, and unlike the light kiss she'd given him, his kiss was soft and tender and lingered, as he murmured against her lips, "if…if you could still love me…" he said, caressing her hair with one hand, and bringing it to her face again, "if you still love me now…can you…can you…one day find it in your heart to forgive me…for all that hurt…all that pain I caused you."

He heard her broken sob and felt her hands reach for him, holding his face in them, "I already have…you are my love…my soul mate…I already have."

"I'll make it up to you…I promise…I'll spend the rest of my life making it up to you, " he said, kissing her deeply, a kiss that transcended time and their souls understood the other's commitment.

"Why…why don't we spend the rest of our lives…making each other happy instead."

"I love you Meredith…you are so much more than the love of my life…you are what makes my life whole, and I can't imagine having to live another second without you."

"Neither can I Derek…and you…you make my life complete…and I promise to spend our lifetime…that lifetime you've promised making you happy…except..."

"Except…"

"We have to remember, Derek…there will be times we will forget, when life deals us situations we don't anticipate…hurts we don't expect…like now…we have to remember our other promises…to not let ourselves push the other away…because we will…and that's when we have to remember this moment…when life throws those dark and twisty curb balls, ones I may wish to hide behind in the old familiar avoidance, that's when we need to remember what we mean to each other…otherwise, all the pain we've already been through…all that it's taken to get here…will be wasted…and I don't want us to ever be without the other…ever again."

"We'll remember…and if we fail…if one fails to remember those promises…then the other will do it…remember…when you said we had 100 steps…and that we'd fall, hopefully not together…that's what we need to avoid…make sure one of us is always ready to pick up the other…"

"Derek…there will be times…we fall together…that's when we have to just be there…holding on…together, and never letting go."

"I'll be there, this time…unlike the last time I told you this…I won't break my promises to you again, I'll be there, always."

"As I will…and you'll remind me…if I falter…you'll remind me."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you," she said, and got up extending her hand to him, "let's go to bed, it's been a very long day."

"You realize it's barely nine-thirty…"

"We've been up since four, Derek."

"But you slept all day…and got a massage," he teased her.

"You can stay on the couch…"

"Not in a million years," he said holding her hand, and allowing her to pull him along, and they settled in bed, with him spooning her, and their hands entwined.

"Derek…"

"You are going to sleep…right?"

"I just have one question…"

"Uhmmm…."

"If Addison was the wicked wicked witch…what were you…" she said, and unable to stop herself, began to laugh, "in your fairy tale, what were you…"and he joined her, finally, ending this day, unlike the last few with laughter.

"The ugly toad?" she giggled.

"That needed his princess to kiss him awake?"

"We're going to have to work on that…" she giggled again, to his absolute delight.

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh…"

"We have a lifetime…"

"We do."

"Good night, love."

"Oh…" she said, with a soft gasp.

"What…"

"You…you've never…" she said softly…quiet tears escaping.

"You're crying…" he said, "Meredith…why…."

"You never have endearments…you called me…"

"Good night, love," he repeated, "Meredith, that's what you are…my one and only love."

"You're my one and only love too, Derek…you are…" she said turning in his arms, and resting her head on his chest, they both smiled and giving in to newly discovered emotions, found undisturbed sleep for the first time in days.

Meredith was up early. She'd had eight hours of sleep and carefully got out of bed as not to disturb him. He looked tired, and she knew he was emotionally spent. Trying to keep up with her mood swings over the last several days, had to be exhausting and she loved him all the more for the way he'd supported her the last several days. She was sitting looking out the window, thinking of what she could do for him, wanting to show him how much she appreciated his thoughtfulness. Bringing her here was costing him a fortune, though she knew he did not mind. She wanted something special for him, when suddenly she caught sight of a small brochure in the room, and knew the perfect way to show him.

"Derek," she said quietly, softly brushing his lips with hers, "good morning."

"Uhmmm…what time…is it…when do we have to be at work…" he mumbled and buried his face in the pillow.

"It's almost seven, we have to get up…"

"Why?"

"We're going somewhere."

"We get to sleep in…to rest…"

"I have a surprise for you…you have to get up."

"A surprise," he mumbled, rubbing his eyes.

"Yes…and we have to be ready by eight thirty."

"It's seven."

"We have to have breakfast."

"What surprise?"

"I can't tell you…it wouldn't be a surprise…but, please…get up."

"Am I going to like this?"

"I hope so…yes…"

"Uhmmm," he mumbled, and got out of bed and headed for the bathroom where she soon heard the shower running.

"Derek," she asked, opening the door slightly, "do you want room service or do we go to the restaurant?"

"Whatever you want," he yelled over the running water, and minutes later joined her wearing just a towel around his waist, "so…what is my surprise," he said wrapping his arms around her.

"Get dressed," she said, "we don't have time for this…"

"What…you don't have time to kiss me good morning," he teased, while nuzzling her neck and lightly biting her.

"Derek…you are dead…truly dead, if you give me a hickey."

"You sound like a teenager…warning her boyfriend," he laughed.

"We don't have time…"

"Later…" he said, and nipped at her lips.

"Maybe."

"You…are a tease…"

"Get dressed," she ordered.

"How do I know what to wear, if you don't tell me where we are going?"

"Who said anything about "we" going…you're going…" she told him.

"You're sending me off…alone…"

"I thought you'd enjoy some time alone…"

"Meredith, I didn't come here to spend time alone," he pouted.

"Oh…just get dressed, and yes… I'm going with you. Put on some jeans, and dress warmly."

"Bossy… really a turn on."

"Derek!"

"Fine…I'll get dressed."

"Derek…aren't you ready yet?"

"Meredith, it's been two minutes, and I'm going to shave."

"Why?"

"Because…I need a shave…"

"Derek…I like you unshaven…"

"You are just saying that so I'll hurry."

"No, I'm not, really, while we're here…no shaving."

"Really," he said coming out of the bathroom with jeans on and bare chest, "you should have told me before…" and grabbed her around the waist and nuzzled her neck trailing kisses from her neck to her shoulder.

"Derek…get…put a shirt one…"

"Bothered, are you…" he teased.

"Just a bit…" she laughed.

"I love you," he said, and touched her face and kissed her.

"Derek…I think you'll like it…the surprise…" she said, suddenly nervous, "but, I should tell you…I mean, what if you don't, and I've made all the arrangements and you don't want to go, and well, maybe I'll tell you, it's still a surprise…because you don't know about it, but I should tell you, just in case…"

"Meredith…it's early…I'm not sure I've followed…"

"We're going fishing," she blurted out.

"FISHING?"

"Yes…fly fishing…unless you don't want to…I thought you'd like that, and they told me it was great and there's good catch in the middle of the river or something…and they said they have an expert guide, and I wanted to do something special for you, because you've done so many special things or me these last few days…and I just wanted you to know how much it's meant to me, and thank you…and…" he silenced her with a kiss.

"Where do you get the energy to do that…so early in the morning…" he joked.

"Kiss you …I have always had lots of energy for that in the morning…"

"Rambling…Meredith…rambling…" he said and kissed her again.

"Oh...that …well…do you like your surprise…"

"I love my surprise, and it means a lot that you thought of it…but you said, we, are going fishing… " he questioned.

"Well, I'm not going to be knee deep in water casting lines, I can guarantee that…but, they told me they take us out to the middle fork, and you have to release the catch, but that it's great because there's deep pools and…you cast the lines up to 75 feet…"

"Do you …" he said, smiling, "have any idea what you're talking about?"

"Of course I do…I set it up, didn't I?"

"That's great, that you want to come with me, but really we need to find about the gear and if we need artificial lures and flies."

"We…you need flies…whatever for…as in flies…dead flies?"

He laughed heartily, "I love you, you have no idea how much," he said, and kissed her, "are you sure you want to do this?"

"I do…Derek…I wanted to do something for you to enjoy…take your mind off everything, just enjoy the day…"

"You picked the perfect thing to do, in fact, I'd been thinking of coming up here on a weekend to do just this, so thank you…but, we don't have to do this…this trip…"

"I want you to…please… so I feel I did something for you…"

"Ok…"

"There are some spots they said, where I could just stay by the river bank, they'll provide a comfortable chair that reclines...and I'm going to get a book in the gift shop…and read…while you fish…"

"Thank you…Meredith…I love you."

"My first fishing trip…are you ready?"

"I am…let's go have breakfast."

"Derek," she said, turning to him before they walked out of the room, "thank you…for this time together…it was good…it was healing, before we go back and face everyone…spending this time here with you."

"I wanted you to have that…some time away…so when we go back…it could be a little easier…and I'm going to be there…whenever you need me, I'll be right by your side," he said, and kissed her softly before they walked out of the room.

Derek and Meredith would have been surprised and deeply touched by the meeting currently taken place at Seattle Grace, as their friends, their family gathered together before the beginning of their shift, answering a summons by the Chief.

"Good morning, thank you for your punctuality. I realize it's earlier than the start of your shift, but I felt it was important to meet with you today. I have spoken with Dr. Bailey, and she informed me all of you are aware that Dr. Grey suffered a miscarriage three nights ago, and she will be back at work the day after tomorrow."

There were nods of acknowledgment by the four residents as well as Lexie, while Miranda and Mark listened.

He cleared his throat, "it's unusual for me to get involved in these things, but I've known that girl since she was a child, and I know you are her family, and she has had one hell of a year, and now this. It may be a difficult time for her, as with any woman in this situation, you are doctors, you know the implications, but, as one of our own, and certainly your family, I took the liberty of bringing you this pamphlet with information that may help you …be supportive of her…and Dr. Shepherd when they return to work."

"Chief," Mark interrupted, "there's a website…very good…I'll give that to all of you," he paused, and cleared hi throat, "it talks about do's and don't…in these cases…how to be emotionally supportive of parents when they suffer this loss."

"Thank you…Dr. Sloan, that should also help… I've talked to Dr. Bailey, if she ... Dr. Grey needs any other time off, we will facilitate that, until she's ready…emotionally ready to deal with all of this. She may be physically fine, but she's had a rough year, and I wanted you all to know we're sensitive to that…and want to make sure we can offer our support."

"Chief…that sight…what Dr. Sloan mentioned… there's a link that gives The Seven helpful things to say and Seven things not to say, and it's really good, it helps to know how to give them our support."

"Thank you, Dr. Grey, and all of you…I know Dr. Gr…Meredith considers you family, and I know they will appreciate all that you are doing, and especially helping to maintain their privacy."

"Chief," can we…if she needs more time off, can we cover for her…can we cover her shifts, help with her interns?"

"Yes, Dr. Yang, any of you that wish to do that, that would be fine."

"Just talk to me," Dr. Bailey told them, "we'll take care of it."

"Chief, I'm sorry to bring this up sir, but there's been a lot of gossip going on that Dr. Shepherd's resigned," Alex told him.

"What," he asked indignantly, "Karev, who's saying that?"

"Kind of all over the place. With all due respect, sir, they are saying the two of you fought and Dr. Shepherd is not coming back."

"This damned hospital, I have never seen anything like it. No, that is not true, Dr. Shepherd will be back, the day after tomorrow, and he certainly has not resigned."

"Well that is good. Thank you sir, for letting us know," Izzie commented.

"Anything else, I need to know about, O'Malley…you haven't said anything."

"No sir…nothing else…"

"O'Malley…"

"Well sir, just…well, you asked…"

"Yes…I asked, what the hell else is going on out there?"

"They say you forced Dr. Shepherd to operate sir, and there was a yelling screaming match, and that is why he's not coming back."

Richard Webber stood silent, and brought his hand to his forehead and massaged his temple, and resigned himself to the inevitable. "Yes, we argued, but he has not resigned, and he will not be resigning. He will however, very likely ask me for some time off in the next month, time off for him and Dr. Grey, and I have consented to make that happen. Now, I trust this conversation will remain confidential. Any other questions?"

Echoes of no and no sirs were heard as the interns and now residents exited the lounge.

"Chief," Miranda stated, "they can be trusted, they won't say a word, they care too much about her."

"She's earned that Miranda."

"Yes, she has," Mark added, "and Chief, Shep will be grateful, he doesn't hold a grudge, I know from experience."

"Thanks Sloan, I owed him this," he said and walked out.

REV 7/3


	115. Chapter 115

**Ch 113 – Sunrise & Rainbows**

Meredith and Derek entered the dining room and were seated near a window, overlooking the spectacular views of nature all around them, and the welcoming colors of a new day.

"It's beautiful Derek, look at the colors of the sunrise…"

"Not nearly as amazing as looking at you," he said, smiling and giving her their look.

"That…" she said, "was so corny…" and reached for his hand, "but I love you for it."

"Good morning," they were interrupted, "I'm Erica, would you like some coffee to start with, and do you have any questions about our menu?"

"Coffee is good, thank you, give us a few more minutes."

"I'll be right back with your coffee, and you may want to try our country breakfast, it's one of our most popular items."

"That country breakfast is a lot of food, how can anyone eat so much," she questioned.

"Meredith…I bet you'd manage," he started to say.

"Are you suggesting I eat too much…" she said raising one eyebrow.

"Well, you…kind of…you do eat a lot…and that's fine…I mean, there's nothing wrong with that, it's not like you get fat…and you need to eat nutritious food, which is good…"

"Derek," she smiled, "you're rambling."

"Yeah," he said absently.

"You don't see something wrong with that?"

"No, you do it all the time," he said, glancing at the two people walking toward them, and hoping they would be seated far away.

"But you don't," she said.

"I didn't know quite how to respond, without getting in trouble, do you want to go outside for a few minutes, it's beautiful…"

"Derek, what's with you, you're acting odd, and we can't go outside, we have to order, we need to be ready…"

"Yes…of course, you're right."

"Derek…"

"Meredith, look" he said pointing out into the distance, attempting to distract her.

"What am I looking at," she said amused, "Derek…"

"It's …I though I caught sight…of a bald eagle," and then what he dreaded happened, as the two people were seated at the table across from them, and their waitress brought Meredith and Derek their coffee and then turned to greet the newly arrived guests at the next table.

"Erica, it is so nice to see you," the very pregnant woman greeted her as her husband pulled the chair out for her, "I can hardly fit anywhere anymore," she joked.

Derek saw her reaction immediately and was afraid of how this would make her feel, and wanted to reach out and comfort her.

"You look beautiful, you should be due soon, right?"

"Two more weeks, and we just got here, but I could not wait to eat some pancakes."

Meredith reached out across the table and placed her hand on top of his and squeezed.

"How is your daughter? She must be close to two."

"Twenty months, and talking about being a big sister, and this one," she said as she placed her hand on her abdomen, "I'm convinced is going to be an acrobat."

Meredith turned her face toward the windows and looked away, her free hand wiping away at the tears that could not be contained, and suddenly felt his hand let go of hers, and her heart began to shatter all over again, feeling and understanding his loss and his disappointment in her.

Derek sensed her pain, her heartbreak at their loss and he released her hand and rose from his seat, and Meredith watched his retreat as her heart screamed in pain, and silently begged for deafness to avoid hearing the words the happy couple exchanged, and tune out the pain of him walking away.

"Well, it's good to see you again, what can I get for you, other than pancakes?"

"Bring me the country breakfast," the husband spoke, "I get the feeling she's going to go through that as well," he teased her.

Meredith felt the heat from his body, as he drew a chair close and sat next to her, and placed his arm behind her, soothing her back and then hugged her close, "breathe for me…just take a deep breath…for me," he said, and kissed her temple.

"I…I thought…I though…I could handle this…" she said, squeezing her eyes shut, "and then…then you let go…let go of my hand…and I thought…you were walking away," and she continued to look away, retreating further onto herself, hoping to mute the conversation taking place.

"You try eating for two," the wife told him while he reached across the table and grabbed her hand and their fingers intertwined.

"Meredith…do you really believe I could walk away…"

"I…I didn't know…Derek…it's your loss too…she was yours too…" she whispered, and felt his thumb wipe the tears away.

"She was ours…" he said gently, and held her hand without letting go, "would you like to leave," he said softly.

"No…it's ok…" she said, turning to him, offering half a smile, and brushing his lips lightly, "you need a good breakfast."

"Erica, can you bring me some orange juice please," the father to be asked.

"I'll do that right away, just let me get the order at this next table," she smiled, and turned to Meredith and Derek's table, surprised at the change of seating arrangements.

"Sorry, I did not mean to take so long, they're regular customers, here about every three months, and they're here for the babymoon weekend. Are you ready to order?"

Derek ordered for them, "how about the pancakes with honey, they seem to be a house specialty," he said, never letting go of Meredith's hand, softly caressing her, "and I'll have an egg white omelet and salmon, and bring us that pot of hot chocolate."

"I'll do that right away, if you need anything else, please let me know."

"Thank you Erica, we will," he said, and turned his attention back to Meredith.

"I'm ok…Derek… I am…just, it was unexpected…and it's not the last time it's going to happen…but, I'll be ok," she reassured him, squeezing his hand, "thank you…you are truly my strength these days."

"Yet, you thought I walked away…" he confronted her gently.

"I was dumb… and reverted back to familiar dark and twisty ways…" she said, biting her lower lip, but meeting his gaze.

"You weren't dumb…you're hurting, I understand, but you need to know, I'm not walking away."

"I'm learning that," she smiled, and gently caressed his hand.

"Good, then."

"Derek," she whispered, and he saw the glimmer of tears, "I love you, and I'm sorry."

"You're sorry…for loving me?"

"No," she rolled her eyes, and then more serious, "I'm sorry…for not being able to give you this baby."

"Hey…I have you…the rest…we'll see…ok?"

"Yes…"

"Meredith…

"I'm fine…Derek, we're fine…"

"Yeah?"

"They look so happy…" she said, surprising him, "maybe…maybe one day…"

"One day at time…love…one day at a time…" he reassured her.

"I like that Derek…"

"My philosophy…" he questioned, raising one eyebrow.

"The way you …just that one word…"

"You are…my love…when I think of you, Meredith…there's only love."

"You…you know I'm going to be hormonal for a bit yet," she said a bit melancholy,

"so, you better stop…before I keep crying."

"I can handle it…I just wish you had no reason to cry," he said softly.

"These are happy tears…Derek…they are…maybe…someday…"

"Ok," he said, as he saw Erica approach with their breakfast.

"Here you go, hope everything is to your satisfaction."

"Erica," Meredith said softly, surprising Derek, "you said something earlier…you mentioned a babymoon special, what is it?"

"Meredith…"

"Derek…I want to know…"

"Oh…it's a special weekend, well any day package really, some days away just for the parents, before the baby arrives, and it includes flowers, massages for both and a baby gift and it's quite popular…"

"I see, thank you…that does sound like a special get away," she said, and picked up the cup of chocolate the young girl had poured before she walked away.

"Meredith…"

"I'm ok…Derek…I'm ok," she said and brought her index finger to the corner of her eye, and held it there just long enough for him to know tears had been held back.

"Tell me," he said, as he began to eat "what made you think of fishing?"

"I woke up early, and was just sitting there thinking about everything, how wonderful you've been, and I wanted to do something for you…show you how much it's meant to me…and I saw a brochure they had on the table, and it seemed like the perfect thing for you…I mean it's fishing and you've said you really enjoy fly fishing...so I thought…"

"It was perfect…"

"Really…"

"Yes…but, you know, we don't have to do this…I love the idea, but I'm concerned about you…what you said last night…you're going to see Dr. Cameron."

"Derek…it's ok…really, it is…"

"But, Meredith…how long do you think we're going to be out there?"

"It's about four hours…they told me…"

"Four hours…that's a long time, and we're out in the wilderness, it's not like …"

"Derek…I spoke to them, it's a luxury excursion…they take us out to the middle…fork or is it the midfork…"

"The mid fork of the river," he told her.

"Right, that's what they said, and I asked if they had, you know set up bathrooms and stuff…and the guy just laughed at me," she said, "just like you're doing now, behind your smirk," she joked, "and he told me they actually do this all the time, where people go for the day or half a day, but they have a luxury van, Great Western I think he said…and it's quite deluxe, and it has a bathroom…so they will provide a chair for me to sit by the river bank, but their van is not far away…so we're ok…"

"When…when did you find all of this out?"

"While you were sleeping…I woke up at six, and I got some information from the concierge, and that's it…"

"That's it…" he said, amazed at her early morning diligence.

"Uh huh…so, we're going fishing…well, you're going fishing…I'm going to read…and enjoy the outdoors…"

"It's freezing…Meredith…"

"Well, yes, but I'm dressed warmly, and I can always sneak in the van…"

"You're sure about this."

"Derek, I want to share this with you."

"Ok…finish your breakfast then."

Once they finished breakfast, they want back to their room and waited for the tour guide to call them, and within the hour were on their way, and Derek became engaged in conversation with the man, a very good looking man, had Meredith been in the least bit interested.

"This is our main office," she heard him say, "we'll stop here so you can both pick out your gear and get fitted for waders as well as wading shoes and rubber boots, just in case you decide to go into the deeper pools."

"Oh, I'm not going…I mean I'm not fishing, it's just Derek," she joined the conversation as the car came to a stop.

"Come on Meredith…it could be fun…I'll teach you to cast a line…just for a few minutes…we could do this together…" he asked, and he looked just like a little boy full of enthusiasm, and she could not deny him.

"Fine…I'll get fitted for boots…whatever…and I'll try…but right before we come back, I don't want to smell like fish all day…"

"You'll enjoy it…really…you'll see," Derek told her and quickly kissed her before holding her hand and walking in to the establishment.

While they were in the shop, the tour guide explained they'd need a fishing license, which Derek had, so they did not worry about Meredith having one, as she had no intention of making more than one attempt or taking the fish home. He also commented that the adipose fin was clipped from fish raised in a hatchery, so they could differentiate the wild fish which would need to be released.

"You'll find some hatchery rainbows, but they are quite small, so don't expect to be taking any fish home, but if you do get lucky, you can find they are usually about eight to nine inches, and I've yet to see anything bigger than twelve, but keep that in mind, because we do store the fish for you to take home if you make a catch."

They reached the site where they would settle for the rest of the morning, and

Meredith watched with amusement as Derek chose his gear, and was soon ready to venture into the river.

"Is this what you did," she said, "when you went camping with the boys, you had all this gear to carry?"

"Nope."

"Nope?"

"There was more…we were planning on spending a couple of days…"

"Boys and toys.."

"Don't knock it…and we came back early…I had to get back to you," he said, and kissed her.

"Thank God you did," she smiled, nipping at his lip.

"Tease…"

"Go…have fun," she smiled.

Meredith settled in her chair, an old wooden chair that had a soft cushion added to it making it not too uncomfortable, and bundled up in the blanket she'd grabbed from the hotel. She opened the book she'd picked up in the gift shop, and soon found herself dozing, while later was awakened by the rustling of leaves nearby.

She was startled and delighted when she gazed over to the area where she'd heard the sounds, and found a deer grazing not fifteen feet away from her, and then saw as it walked to another area and began eating the leaves off a tree, and then saw a smaller version join what the imagined was the mother for a few minutes when suddenly both raced away, seemingly frightened.

Meredith walked over to the van, about eighty feet away and took advantage of using the bathroom and helping herself to a cup of hot coffee. It was freezing, but the day was surprisingly sunny, and it felt good to have been outdoors. She walked to her spot and noticed Derek was now back and she could see him clearly walking toward her.

"Hey, where did you go," he asked as he approached her, "I got back from some of the pools down the river and didn't see you, are you ok?"

"I went to the van and took got some coffee while I was there, are you enjoying the fishing?"

"It's fabulous…I'll have to come back…the wild fish are amazing…"

"You mean you catch them and let them go…and that's ok…I mean, isn't the idea to catch fish you can take them home and eat…I mean, I know not in this area, but isn't that the idea of fishing?"

"Sometimes…it's just making the catch…"

"Uhmmm…like the thrill of the chase," she teased him.

"Sort of…" he teased back, "if you're into that sort of thing…"

"Which, you…were not," she challenged.

"Which, I was not…but since we are now talking about fish…yeah, it's the catch sometimes."

"Whatever," she said rolling her eyes.

"Are you ready?"

"For what?

"Fishing…did you forget?"

"No…but not till it's time for us to go."

"It's almost time…another hour or so…"

"Then go, you're wasting time here…"

"I'm with you…" he said, and kissed her lightly, "never a waste of time."

"Go on," she giggled.

"You didn't get much reading done," he said.

"I fell asleep, and…oh Derek, I saw a deer, two…I think one must be the baby deer, and they were just grazing not fifteen feet way, but something scared them away."

"They usually stay away from humans…it could have been that."

"Ok…go…get your fishing hours in."

"I'll be back…forty five minutes, and I'll be back."

"You're serious about this, aren't you," she said when he came back.

"Of course I'm serious…come on, let's get you all geared up," he said full of enthusiasm.

"Derek…really…this is crazy, I've never done this…and I'm not sure…well…I'm not…"

"Meredith…we don't have to, it's ok…" he said, thinking she may not be feeling well, "we can do this another time, when you're feeling better."

"Oh…no…Derek, I'm fine…I'm feeling fine…just, fishing Derek…I have never been fly fishing before…and…well, just for a few minutes, ok…"

"Just for a few minutes," he said, "I know you're not up to more than that…I do…and it means a lot to me, that you'd even try…"

"You've done so much for me…"

"Hey…no more of that…we're here for each other…"

"Yes…that's really it…being here for each other," she said, "let's go…"

Soon he had outfitted her with waders and a fishing line and was walking with her towards the river pool, making sure she was steady on her feet… "You ok there, just hang on to me."

"Hang on to you…so we can both fall," she joked.

"Here we are…now, this is what you do," he began to explain to her.

"So…you pick one of these flies," she laughed, "oh Derek, I can't believe I asked you if they were dead flies."

"Notice I did not make fun of you," he laughed now.

"You showed incredible restrain… at the time," she emphasized, and jokingly swatted his arm.

"So, yes, you pick one of these…"

"So I get to pick?"

"Well, I was going to use this one," he said picking it up.

"Why?"

"Because, it's probably best for a catch," he said, and she almost burst out laughing at his attitude that she was questioning his choice.

"But, I like this one," she said, pointing to another one.

"That's not the best one Meredith, not for the kind of catch I've been getting all day."

"Can we try it anyway, it looks pretty, I like the red."

"You like the red," he said, and was about to tell her all the reasons not to use it.

"It's pretty Derek, I'm sure it'll catch their attention."

"You could catch a little one maybe…might get the attention of the smaller fish."

"Well, I'm not really looking to catch a huge fish, and we have to put it back anyway, so, yes, can we use this one?"

"This one is fine, it's called a humpy red, by the way."

"Humpy red," she looked at him and started laughing, "Derek, that's hilarious."

"Let's get serious here, we have some fishing to do," he said and began to explain what they were about to do, and first he cast a line with his to show her, and then guided her with her own.

"That's it," she said after she'd cast the line, "now we wait?"

"Now we wait," he said and smiled at her.

"How long?"

"I don't know…it depends," he said, "sometimes you don't catch any fish."

"Really…did you catch any fish today?"

"Yes, about six, not very big, the biggest one was about nine inches."

"And you had to let them go…"

"Yes, they were all wild fish…mostly rainbow trout."

"So, we just wait..." she said.

"We just wait," he smiled, "and you can enjoy the scenery."

"We could…it's beautiful here," she said, "I'm glad I came with you, it was fun...well, you know, relaxing, and I got to watch you…and the deer…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"I think I could like this…going fishing with you…" she said, and bit her lower lip out of habit.

"Really…you mean sitting by the river bank sleeping all day…"

"No…I mean watching you from the river bank…and being this close to you…you're very sexy you know…the rugged fisherman…sexy stubble…watching you knee deep in water casting lines…"

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh…"

"You are the biggest damn tease…"

"I'm not…it's true…and Derek…next time…if we come fly fishing, make sure we can have sex…"

He dropped his line, and almost lost his footing, but managed to balance himself and picked up the line, and walked closer to her, "you are going to have to make up …"

"I'm going to make it up to you…with all your favorite things," she murmured, "over and over again…"

"You are going to kill me…before …"

"Derek…oh my God, Derek…it's pulling, something's pulling on my line…what do I do…"

"Don't let it go…hold on …" he said, and began to pull the line in…and at the end was a thirteen inch rainbow trout.

"Derek, that is huge…the guide, he said….the biggest one maybe ten inches or so…this is well over a foot…and look, it's not wild…it's not, Derek, we could take this catch home," she said excitedly.

"You want to take this home…" he asked incredulously.

"Of course…Derek…we can, it's not wild, and I caught the biggest fish, I did."

"Yes, you did," he said.

"Oh," she said, realizing he was not was excited as she was, "I shouldn't brag, should I," she said scrunching her nose, "I know, it's a male fishing thing…I should not be bragging, since I got the biggest fish…"

"You can brag…I can handle it…" he told her, happy with her enthusiasm and the lighter mood that prevailed.

"Are you sure, because…when we get back…I really…really do have to brag…you won't mind?"

"Not if you make it up to me…you know…tend to my ego…in other ways…"

"I can do that," she said, "I can certainly do that."

"Brag away," he laughed, as did she.

"Derek…you have to take care of the fish, I'm not touching it."

"You're a surgeon…you have to clean the fish."

"No, I don't…I don't deal with dead fish…that's your specialty."

"Since when…" he argued.

"Since…" she said, and getting closer to him whispered in his ear, "and…when we can…I promise, I'll…"

"I'm sold...say nothing more," he said and took care of handling the rainbow trout, and had her hold on to him as they walked backed laughing to the river bank.

They got back to the spa and Meredith complained she could no longer stand the smell of fish and needed a shower.

Derek had a few moments alone, and dialed a very familiar number. He had been thinking about this all day.

"Derek, I didn't expect you to call, is everything ok with Meredith?" his sister asked with concern.

"Kat, yes, everything is fine, but I only have a couple of minutes, Meredith is in the shower, and I'm not going to have time to call back till tomorrow night maybe, or when we get back to work, day after tomorrow."

"What's going on?"

"I need your help, your opinion really…I'm getting her engagement ring, and I want you to see it, tell me what you think, yes, it's on the website, write it down," he told her, and rattled it off.

"You just want my opinion? What if I don't like it?"

"Of course you're going to like it…I just want to make sure it's right for her…and by the way, did you make it home safely?"

"We both made it home in one piece, though for a while there…" she joked.

"Kathleen…I don't want to hear about your sex life."

"Derek, you're such an idiot."

"Fine…and one more thing…"

"What."

"You were right…you're feeling about a passport…help me find something…and email me…"

"What do you need?"

"I'm taking her to Italy…she does not know, but that's where I'm going to propose."

"That is so romantic…Derek, she really deserves all of this you're planning, but are you going to have the time off?"

"Yes, Richard owes me, it's a long story, but yes, and it's only five days. Listen, she's going to be out in a minute, but this is what I want to know…can you help me get the information?"

"Yes…of course…and no, I won't say a word…Derek, she's going to love it."

"Ok…have to go…I love you Kathleen, yes, you'll be the first to know when she says yes…yes…even if it's in the middle of the night…bye," he said, and disconnected the call.

"Derek, who were you talking to?"

"Housekeeping, I asked if they could pick up our clothes and get them washed before we go back, so we don't have a car filled with fish scent."

"Oh…thank you. I don't think I could stomach that."

"That's what I thought" he said as he walked in to the bathroom, "we may have to call them again, I said, I'd call when we were ready for them to pick up the clothes."

She waited till he closed the door, and picked up his phone. She was certain she'd heard him say Kathleen, and though she knew it was wrong, looked at the last number dialed, and smiling, dialed it again.

_A/N I know absolutely nothing about fishing, much less fly fishing, thankfully there's Google & Wikipedia, but sorry if any errors on that end._

_I've meant to post this for the last several updates, this is where they are stayin, their suite is last small box on the right. _

_It won't let me post the link but you can find it under Salish Lodge _


	116. Chapter 116

**Chapter 114 - Contentment **

"Derek, what did you forget?"

"I'm not sure, Kathleen…" Meredith answered trying not to laugh.

"Meredith…what…this is a surprise…"

"Uh huh…"

"How's the spa?"

"The spa is wonderful, and Derek has been …well, since you know about it…he's truly earned McDreamy status…but…are you going to tell me what you think he forgot?"

"No…you busybody…I cannot believe you picked up his phone."

"Oh…well, he lied to me…I heard him say Kathleen, so I knew he was talking to you, and then, when I asked him he told me he was talking to housekeeping…but, I knew it was you, and I picked up the phone when he went to take a shower…and it was, and…

uh …well I called you…so…are you going to tell me why he called…well, not so much why he called, of course he can call you…but why he lied to me about calling you…"

Kathleen laughed, "I've missed your ramblings Mer…"

"Meredith," Derek called out, "do you want to join me…"

"Oh, crap…Kathleen, I'll call you right back, Derek's calling me…"

"I thought he was in the shower…"

"He is," she laughed, "I'll call you back…"

"You do that…though Mer, it's not nice to tease you know…" she said and heard Meredith's "oh be quiet," before she disconnected the call.

"Derek," she said, and opened the bathroom door, "what are you talking about…"

"Do you want to join me…" he said, as he stood completely naked and began to run the water in the whirlpool tub.

"I…I don't think it's a very good idea right now," she said just a bit shy, "you know…maybe in a few days would be better."

"How about giving me a backrub…casting lines for hours has every muscle aching…I must be getting old," he joked, and reached out to hug her.

"Derek, don't you dare…I've already had a shower and don't want to smell of fish…"

"I already took a shower too…" he said… "got rid of the fish smell…but then, this tub looks inviting," and ignoring her protest, embraced her and brought his mouth to hers, and they got lost in their caresses, eliciting soft moans of desire from each other.

"Derek," she said, pulling away, "this is not a good idea…you know…I can't…and it's only going to be more frustrating…and I don't want you to call me a tease again, we can't…" she said, and pulled away.

"Meredith, come on," he groaned in frustration, "I'm willing…I can handle it…and I know you're not a tease."

"I have no doubt you're willing, that is perfectly obvious," she told him as his arousal was evident, "but, Derek, I can't…not now, and we don't have to wait till I can have sex…but, give me… give me just a few days," she said, hoping he'd understand that though she wanted him, emotionally she was not really in the mood.

"Don't apologize…I was only thinking of my needs…we can wait…"

"Derek…it's not that…really…I just…"

"Meredith…it's ok…I was not very sensitive…"

"Derek, no, I don't want you to think that…you've been very sensitive…and I'm just…I'm sorry…I'm not…"

"You're not in the mood…Meredith…I get it…it's ok…love, it is…nothing changes…I get it…we can wait."

"You're not mad," she asked quietly.

"Of course I'm not mad…I'll be out in a bit…I'm going to run all these whirlpool options and make the aches in my body disappear…"

"Derek," she said, hugging him, his arousal still evident, "you're not old, quite the contrary."

He kissed her, and laughing told her, "leave now."

She closed the door behind her, and grabbed his phone and settled on a chair by the fire and dialed Kathleen again.

"Meredith, did you drown him?"

"No…but he had a small conversation."

"I'm sure…"

"We did…seriously."

"How are you?"

"I'm ok…oh, Kathleen, I'm so rude, I didn't even ask you how you'd made it home."

"How much do you want to hear?"

"What do you mean?"

"My brother did not want to hear about how we almost didn't make it home in one piece," se laughed.

"What are you talking about…what happened…wait, you tried to tell Derek how you didn't wait to get home for sex…" she laughed.

"Exactly…I swear Meredith, he has turned into such prude."

"Kathleen, trust me…he isn't," Meredith laughed.

"Ok, I guess I get it…I don't want to hear about his sexcapades either," she said and both she and Meredith laughed.

"Kathleen…"

"Yes."

"I didn't really call you to ask you about Derek…about his call to you…"

"You didn't?"

"Well, it was true, I did hear him say Kathleen while he was talking to you, and I did pick up the phone and dialed you…but I wanted to talk to you…needed to talk to you really," she said, biting on her lower lip, "it …it just …I didn't want to wait till we got back, and I though it would be ok…if I called you…"

"Meredith, of course it's ok, honey, you don't need an excuse or a reason to call me, you just do it…anytime…now tell me, what's wrong?"

"There's nothing really wrong Kathleen, except…well, I'm not sure…I wanted to ask you if it was normal…if you think my reactions…how I'm feeling is normal."

"Tell me about it," she encouraged.

"Well," she began, "I think I'm overly emotional and I still feel like crying a lot, and this morning," she said and told her what happened at breakfast a swell as her emotional rollercoaster the last few days, which even though Kathleen had been there, she was not aware of it all.

"Mer, what you're telling me, it's perfectly normal, and you'll probably feel this way for several weeks, I can tell you it will get better…each day gets better, but when something like this morning happens, you will feed that sadness all over, and it's ok…it's very good that you are talking about it…that you and Derek are dealing with it together…and when you go back to work, and see everyone, you'll probably experience some form of emotions like you had today…and honey, it's normal. It's very early still…it's only been four days…it's very normal.

"Kathleen, thank you…I was so worried…and Derek I know is too…and I don't want him to have to deal with all of this."

"Listen to me…Meredith, he does have to deal with this…you have to deal with this together…don't forget…it's important for both of you to talk about this."

"We are…and I wanted to do something for him, and we went fishing today."

"You went fishing…" Kathleen laughed, "you're joking."

"I'm not…and I caught the biggest fish…"

"That's priceless."

"Kathleen, before…before Derek gets out here, can I ask you something else...but not as his sister…I mean…you're his sister, but I need for you to forget you are his sister…"

"This is sex related isn't it?"

"Yes…" she said, and went on to tell her a small version of their earlier encounter, "Kathleen, it's not that I don't want to be with him, but, is it normal…that I'm not in the mood, because…I want him…I do…I love him, and…being with him…when he touches me…it's just…but…right now…I just can't."

"Oh, my God, I am going to kill him…" Kathleen said, "he is being such a moron, if I could get my hands on him right now."

"Kathleen, I don't ant you to be mad at him…he's done nothing wrong…he hasn't, I just needed to know…if this…what I'm feeling if it's ok…if it's normal…"

"Of course it's normal, there's not too many women that are thinking of having sex, or rather pleasing their partner after they've just had a miscarriage…and he needs to understand," she said still a bit annoyed with her brother.

"Kathleen, don't be annoyed with him, he is being very sensitive…he is…just earlier…well, I felt bad…I don't want him to feel I'm rejecting him and needed to know if my reaction, what I'm feeling is normal at this point."

"It is…don't worry about it…and don't push yourself to be ready for something you are not…Mer, this is a very emotional time, and your hormones are not helping you …just take it one day at a time…"

"That's what Derek has said."

"Maybe he's not such a moron," Kathleen conceded.

"Kathleen, he's not a moron…" Meredith said softly, "well, at least not right now."

"Meredith," Derek called out, "who are you talking to?"

"Housekeeping," she yelled back.

"You two…" Kathleen laughed, "are made for each other."

"I think so," she said smiling, "Kathleen, thank you."

"You're welcome, and remember I'm a call away."

"I know…"

"Hey, Mom loved your email."

"She told you?"

"Uh huh, she's already on the warpath with Nancy, warning her she better change her tune, quickly"

"Oh, no, she must hate me even more."

"You have the Shepherd pillars behind you…Mer, you have nothing to worry about."

"That's what Derek said too," she smiled, "you and your Mom…"

"Damn right, she knows better than to mess with us."

"She's pretty formidable herself."

"Yeah…but she's bitchy, and I'm not…and you've got your big sister protecting you, not to mention a pregnant Jenna," she stopped, wanting to kick herself, oh…Mer…I'm sorry."

"Kathleen… you don't have to tiptoe around it, it's ok, really…and you've been here for me, and I really needed you...and thank you…that's what matters."

"You're welcome…now, get off the phone before my brother joins you."

"I don't care, I'm going to tell him I spoke to you."

"You are?"

"Yes…we're rebuilding our relationship…and it feels good…the trust…and the talking…I won't do anything to risk that."

"Mer…that's great, but sometimes…it's ok to have some secrets."

"I'll keep that in mind, I'll call you soon," she said, just as Derek was coming out of the bathroom.

"Mer, can you let housekeeping know it's three hours later on the west coast."

"What?"

"Say hello to Kathleen," he smirked.

"Oh…you jerk."

"Uh huh…"

"Kathleen, I'm busted," she said laughing, "I'll call you, after I get back to work."

"So…you called my sister..." he said, coming closer to her, "you stole my phone and went through my calls and called my sister…I never expected that from you…"

"Derek, I know it was wrong, but I heard you talking to her, I did, and then you didn't tell me, I was curious, but …honestly…I didn't call her for that, I needed to talk to her, and I'm sorry, I've never done anything like that…I'd never go through your things or anything, but I knew it was her, so I just dialed…"

"You expect me to believe that…that you'd never go through my things…" he said jokingly, though she did not see his smile.

"Derek…I wouldn't, I never have…" she said, and looked away, "I never would have done that, if…if I thought you'd think …that you can't trust me… I'm sorry," she said quietly, and he heard the sadness in her voice.

"Hey, look at me…" he said as he stood in front of her, both arms resting on the sides of the chair and leaning in toward her, his face inches away from hers.

"I need you to trust me…" she said quietly, still not looking at him.

"I do…" he said, leaning further and kissing her, "with my life."

He heard the broken sigh, and pulled her from the chair and hugged her, and whispered tender words in her ear.

"I've never…never been enough for anyone Derek…and I don't want to do anything to disappoint you…to make you regret being with me," she whimpered in his arms, "and for you to think…I'd be…so careless…with your privacy…"

"Do you want to know what I think…what I thought, when I heard you were speaking to my sister," he said as he took her previous place on the chair, and pulled her with him.

"That I was rude," she asked, barely a half smile on her lips, as she relaxed somewhat after his words.

"I thought…maybe I had done something right…that calling Kathleen to come to Seattle was the best thing I had done…after screwing up so much where we're concerned, that you would feel you could reach out and call her…that made me feel good…" he kissed her lightly, "happy that I was a little responsible for you feeling that way…for you beginning to trust people…let them in, and I was happy it was my sister."

"Really…" she asked, "you weren't mad."

"Really…I'm glad, Meredith, that you felt you could call her…"

"Derek…I have a long way to go…being whole for you…for me…our relationship, I'm going to schedule my appointment with Dr.Wyatt, as soon I get back to work."

"That's good, and remember…I'm always here, whatever you want to talk about, but we have to talk…ok?"

"Ok."

"I'll go with you…if you want me to…I'll go with you to Dr.Wyatt."

"I may need you," she said, lacing their fingers together.

"Then you just ask."

"Derek…I did ask Kathleen why you called…"

"Uh huh…"

"Did you hear my whole conversation?"

"No, I heard you say her name and I heard you laugh, I figured it wasn't housekeeping."

"Well, you started with that."

"So…what did she tell you…"

"Nothing."

"Nothing…" he questioned.

"Well, nothing about why you called, I mean, I asked her, but she's not saying a word, though I told her I wasn't calling about that…" then quietly, "I needed to talk to her."

"You've said that before…what did you need to talk to her about? You don't have to tell me, if you don't want to…but if you think it will help…"

"I am…going to tell you, I told her I was," she said, and heard his stomach rumble.

"Derek…you must be starving, all the time on the river…and it's after one, we should go have lunch."

"Meredith…"

"I'm not avoiding …I'm not…but we can talk, during lunch."

"Do you want to order room service," he said, thinking back to their breakfast.

"I'm ok…Derek," she said, squeezing his hand softly, "we can have lunch in the bistro, there's supposed to be a great view of the falls, and we didn't get out there, so it would be nice."

"That's what we'll do…" he said and kissed her.

They enjoyed a light lunch and the restaurant indeed had a great view of the falls, and when they were getting ready to eat dessert, they saw two women sitting close to the fireplace rush over to the entrance and greet four guests, and then the commotion started.

One of the women, angrily confronted her husband, "you stupid, stupid man…how could you…how could you do this to me Michael, you promised it wasn't dangerous," she said and hit him square in the chest, "and you put yourself in danger out there…in front of wild bears…and you're gone for hours after everyone gets back, and you don't think I'm going to be scared and worried, you stupid, stupid man…" she said hitting him again, and he wrapped his arms around her, "Amanda, honey, I'm fine…it was just a couple of black bear cubs."

Meredith watched all of this with great interest at the mention of black bears, while Derek attempted to get her attention back to dessert. "This looks great, are you going to share part of your dessert."

"Shhh…let me hear this."

"Meredith, that's rude you're eavesdropping."

"I am not, the whole dining room is listening," she said, and she was right, they were.

"Michael, how can you say that…they were bears, and I heard when the guys got back from fishing earlier, and they said, they'd spotted the cubs, and you know if there's cubs the mother's round Michael, jut like last time, and you promised me it was a fluke, and it wouldn't happen again, and then I had to hear it from the guides, and you stayed another two hours…you …and I was here, and…all worried," she said, and started to cry, as he held her.

"Honey, it was nothing…really, they were really after a couple of deer, and thankfully they got away too," he said reassuringly, while the other couples looked on, the woman not too happy with the story.

Amanda spoke up, "they were after deer, poor little things the deer, that is, and you," she said pointing at her husband, "can forget about me coming up here again, well, I'll come here, but you are not going out into the wilderness fishing again."

"Yes, dear," he said, while looking at the other two men, already making plans for the next expedition.

"And you," Amanda spoke up, and pointed to the remaining couple, the woman who seemed to be her identical twin, "how can you be so calm, you have children at home, children that depend on you, what do you think would happen to them, if you'd been mauled by a bear while you're traipsing along the wood and fishing, for God's sake, what woman likes fly fishing," she yelled at the woman who was obviously her sister.

"Mandy, don't be so dramatic, and if anything happened to me, I would not worry, cause I'd have you to take care of them," she teased, "besides, don't knock fly fishing, until you've tried it…you should see how sexy and rugged Michael looks out there, waist deep in water casting lines," she said and started laughing, while her husband put his arms around her.

"You and Jake are such irresponsible, immature…"

"Yes…and loving every minute of it…and you should join us next time," she challenged, "the deer got away…the bears got away, and we're here…and I spent an amazingly pleasant day with my husband, and if there'd been any real danger from bears…it would have been taken care of…"

"Derek…there were bears out there…and that's probably a sign, a very bad sign...omen, whatever about bears…bears on your land…they were right here and you tell me there aren't any bears…"

"Meredith, we're out in the wilderness…there's bound to be bears…it's nature, but that has nothing to do with our land…we're not only many miles away, but separated by lots of water in between…" he attempted to appease, giving her his best Mcdreamy smile.

She remained quiet, listening to the rest of the group talking about the incident, as well as a guide that followed them and explained to that they had bear sightings quite often, but there had never been any type of incident, and indeed if there had been any humans in danger they would have taken the necessary precautions without harming the animals.

"Meredith, aren't you going to say something?"

"Yes, don't even think…you're coming back here and going fishing again or anywhere out in the wild for that matter," she stated emphatically.

"Meredith, you heard him, there was never any real threat…and really my only concern is the fact that you may have been in danger…since you saw the deer, and possibly the bears may have been nearby," he said honestly.

"Derek…you're not going to convince me…and you better…you better make sure you

there are no bears on your land."

"Our land…you mean…"

"Whatever, nowhere near our land, so when we get back…you've got lots of research to do to prove that to me."

"That's fine," Derek said with amusement, "now, tell me about how you didn't try to find out why I called Kathleen."

"I only just asked her once…and I wasn't going to insist, since…"

"You needed to talk to her…"

"Yes…"

"I heard you laughing…"

"I told her I was going to tell you and she thought it was ok to have some secrets," she teased him.

"I agree…"

"You do? You want us to keep secrets?"

"No, but since I'm not telling you why I called her, I thought it was the right answer," he smiled.

"You…"

"Jackass?"

"No," she smiled, "jerk is enough."

"Meredith…" he said, lingering just enough, and she knew he was going to say something else.

"Derek…"

"The reason I called her, you'll be pleased. I asked her to help me with something…something special I want to share with you."

"Derek…you don't have to, you've already done all of this…and lately, you've been so thoughtful and …"

"You'll like this…I promise…and I can't wait to make it happen…"

"How about giving me a hint?"

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…a hint…well, you'll need your passport…"

"You've already said that…when we took her to the airport the two of you were rambling, and it's not like we can take more time off…so that's a long time away."

"We were not rambling…and you'll just need to wait…but, Meredith…you're going to like… this."

"One more hint…"

"I love you."

"Derek…that's not fair…"

"What, that I love you…"

"No, that's not a hint, and that's just your way of avoiding answering my question."

"Meredith…believe me…that's a very important hint," he smiled, and reached across the table for her hand and brought it to his lips for a kiss.

"I have to wait?"

"You have to wait, now let's order lunch, I'm starving," he said and motioned the waitress to come to their table.

"Derek, we can't forget my fish," she said out of the blue, "the guide said they would leave it here at the hotel for us."

"You're going to brag about that aren't you?"

"Oh yes…how my humpy red," she giggled, "caught the biggest fish."

"We'll have to come back here and see who has the biggest catch next time…"

"Not on your life…we're not coming back here…there's bears in the woods."

"We can talk about it some other time…"

"Derek…I'm not budging…"

"Ok…you're right, we'll find another spot…" he said and started to eat the meal they had just brought.

"It's not going to work you know."

"What are you talking about?" he asked.

"You…pretending…you're indulging me."

"Not pretending," he said as he took another mouthful and tried not to smile.

He was so smug, she thought to rattle him a bit, and began to tell him about her conversation with Kathleen, "and that's when she said he understood just how you felt."

"You…you told my sister about…about our…what happened…what happened earlier…"

"Our…the lack…my feelings about, sex," she mouthed the last word quietly for him only to understand her.

"How…why…I'll never be able to look her straight in the face," he said incredulously.

"Derek…don't be mad, I had to know…if it was normal, what I'm feeling…I had to know."

"She's never going to let me live that down, she probably wants to kill me…I bet she said that…"

"She did," she admitted, "but, Derek, I told her how sensitive you've been, how wonderful…"

"Oh…God," he muttered.

"Are you angry…" she asked and he saw the genuine concern in her voice.

"No, I'm not angry, embarrassed as hell," he said, and placed his hand on top of hers,

"but not angry…never angry at you for being able to talk about something that's important to us…" and he laughed, "I can just hear her now…"

"She was very understanding…"

"She was?" he questioned.

"After I explained how thoughtful you've been."

"That sounds more like it."

"You're really not angry?"

"No, I'm not. I'm happy you can talk to her, really Meredith, I'm glad you can trust her."

"I'm trying Derek…"

"Yes you are, and that's very big progress," he smiled.

"Really?"

"Yes," he smiled, "it's even worth another hint."

"It is…you're going to give me another hint?"

"Uh huh…"

"Well…"

"Water."

"Water? That's it?"

"Uh huh…"

"Not fair Derek…that's not a clue…or a hint."

"Oh…but it is…"

"We're going on a trip and there's water… to a beach?"

"Could be."

"Derek…" she said a bit frustrated.

"That's all you get for now…and trust me…it's going to be worth the wait."

"I'll like this…whatever it is…"

"I'm sure of it, but you can tell me if you don't."

"And if I don't?"

"Meredith…it's not an option," he smiled, "trust me."

"I'm trusting you…"

"Thank you."

"Derek…

"Yes…"

"About the bears…I still want to see what you come up with…sightings and all…on the island."

"So much for trusting me," he laughed.

"This involves our kids' safety…" she said seriously, while taking a leap of faith in talking about their future and the hopes of a family, "we can't take any chances."

"I'll look…and we won't take any chances," he smiled.

"Derek…are you sharing your dessert?"

"Last bite is yours…" he said, and placed the last piece on the fork and brought it to her mouth, and smiled as she savored it.

They walked back to their room and snuggled on the couch in front of the fireplace, and soon drifted to a long afternoon nap, waking just as the sun had begun to set.

"Hey," he said nuzzling her neck and placing light kisses along her neck and shoulders, "what do you want to do for the rest of our evening here?"

"How about a walk…it's our last night here, and look at how clear the sky is…I bet we'll see the stars just as bright as we do from the trailer."

"Uhmmm…quite the romantic…"

"Only with you," she said turning to watch his face, "never though of romance until you."

"Let's go then…and do you want to order in?"

"Derek, all we've done, all I've done is eat and sleep."

"You needed it…and when you get back to work you're going to be back to a grueling schedule."

"I was thinking, when we go back tomorrow, we can stay at my house…maybe I can see everyone…well, Iz , George and Alex there, instead of at the hospital…you know, it would be easier…"

"Of course," he said, as they started to get up from the couch, "I was also thinking I'd go out to the trailer, and bring some things, you know, we can spend the next few nights at your house it will be closer to the hospital and will let you , both of us have a little more sleep time in the mornings."

She reached out for him and hugged him, "thank you…yes, that would be good."

They were walking along the property hand in hand, when they came to a particular beautiful spot accentuated by the reflection of the moon and stopped while Derek put his arms around her waist and she sighed in contentment. "Derek, this was the perfect place to bring me, thank you…"

"You're welcome…I'm glad you enjoyed it…see surprises aren't so bad."

"Maybe…" she said, thinking back to the morning, "maybe we can come back here some day," and lowered his hands to rest on her abdomen, as he had done so often during the few days they'd been happy in the knowledge she was pregnant.

"We will, Meredith, we will be back one day…and celebrate," he said as he kissed the top of her head, and lightly caressed her abdomen and time stood still as they each lost themselves in their dreams for the future.

"I love you Derek," she said with a small catch in her voice, and turned into his embrace, "and I loved our baby."

"I loved her too…and you…you are the love of my life," he said hugging her closer and each knew the other had tears in their eyes, "don't ever forget that."

They walked back and stopped in the gift shop, and put aside some items she thought would be enjoyed by all, including some spices that Izzie would surely know what to do with and the house pancake mix and syrup.

"Here, add this," he told her handing her two tubes of lavender lotion.

"Derek, I've still got what you bought me…"

"I love this smell on you…and lotion…I can spread it all over you," he whispered, and saw her roll her eyes.

He saw her looking at some gift certificates and frowning a bit, "Derek…do you think…"

"Get whatever you want."

"I was thinking, well, I'd like to get this for Kathleen, she said she's coming back soon, and she mentioned when we dropped her off, we would go to a spa…and I want to make sure she knows she's welcomed and maybe, I can get her this, if you think she would like it, after you and her husband are camping or fishing nor whatever, when you get back they can come here, I mean, it's just one night, if you don't think it's too cheap, and maybe for your Mom…send her this, so she knows I'm serious…that I want to meet her and have her visit us soon, I could mail them this…"

"Ok…that was almost a new rambling record."

"Jerk," she swatted him gently, "do you think they' d like it? It's not too cheap, just one night? And for your Mom it's really for the spa treatments…"

"What do you mean cheap, it's almost six hundred dollars for one night and massages, how the hell is that cheap?"

"It's only one night, Derek, but she's been so wonderful to me, and I want your Mom to come out, I do…but, the fishing guide today…and this, I don't think I can afford more than one night right now…"

"What do you mean you can't afford…and the fishing today, what area you talking about? You're not paying for this…I'll get it…and the fishing…what do you mean, didn't you put that on our room tab?"

"No…of course not…that was for you…I wanted to do that for you…you can't pay for that…"

"Meredith…that little four hour adventure, I know costs several hundred dollars, and I have every intention of paying for it."

"It's already taken care of," she said, quietly while distancing herself from him.

"Hey," he said noticing the change in her mood, and leading her over to a private corner of the shop, "I love that you thought of it, but that was enough…and that you'd go with me, and even venture into the water to cast a line, that was priceless."

"I…I wanted to give you something…from me…just to show you…I appreciate everything you've done for me."

"I know you do…but, this…these days here, it's my treat…it's me pampering you…I've never done this before, so please…let me take care of it all…"

"It's not like I don't work Derek…I do make some money…"

"Yes, you do…but, this …"

"Please…it's already taken care of…today let that be my gift to you…" and holding his hand, and looking in his eyes, "from baby bear's mom…to her daddy."

He took a deep breath, "yes…thank you…you gave me a priceless gift today," he said and brushed her lips lightly with his.

"We…we can…share the cost for these…if you think it would be something they'd like, your Mom and Kathleen," she told him.

"Absolutely not…if you want to get them, I will, and you can send a note from us both."

"Derek…I want it to be from me too and if you pay for it…"

"Meredith, one day…soon…you're going to be my wife…"

"Derek…"

"You promised…you'd say yes…"

"It's not that…"

"Then what is it…"

"You're going to have to pay for your Mom's ticket…so, I want to get this…"

"Meredith…you do realize how much money I make?"

"Yes…but…it's not my money to spend."

"It's going to be…so what do you want to get?"

"I told you…a night for Kathleen and her husband, and for your Mom."

"Ok," he said and turned to the woman at the counter, "please charge this to our room," he said while picking up three gift certificates.

"Derek, we should have placed some phantom bets…made some money from the hospital gossip to pay for some of this," she joked.

"It's never too late…and we can always get Mark to start a rumor," he said and they both laughed.

"Derek, I'm kind of hungry, are you?"

"I could eat…and I'm glad you have an appetite…you didn't have much at lunch today,"

and turning the woman that was wrapping their purchases, asked "do you think this can be sent to our room?"

"Yes, of course, it will be there when you get back, have a lovely dinner."

They got back to their room, and again sat by the fireplace enjoying the intimacy of their time together, and spent time reminiscing about their day and simply enjoying each other's company, and when they both yawned, they rose and got ready for bed.

Meredith joined him in bed, lying on her side facing him and reaching for his hand, lacing their fingers. "So, what's our plan for tomorrow?"

"We sleep in," he said, "and then at 11 we have a massage scheduled for two."

"Derek, you are really spoiling me…"

"Hey, I didn't have a massage…and it's all the rage, a heated rock massage for two…by the fireplace…and Meredith…I like spoiling you."

"Spoil away…as long as you let me do the same," she smiled.

"Do with me whatever you want," he teased, "I'm all yours."

She leaned in to kiss him gently, "so am I Derek…I think I have been since the first day I met you."

"Finally…" he kissed her, "she admits it…"

"Uhmmm… only that once met you…no one else would do…"

"I love you Meredith."

"Derek…do you realize how often we've said that to each other…"

"I love you…"

"Yes…for so long…neither of us said it…and now…these last weeks…"

"We're making up for lost time…Meredith, for all those times we should have said it…when we should have been together, and later…all those months we didn't say it."

"No regrets…ok…we just move forward…"

"No regrets," he agreed.

"I love you Derek," she smiled and kissed him softly.

"Me too…I'll never get tired of saying it…or hearing it."

"Goodnight Derek," she said and snuggled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder, knowing sometime during the night they would find themselves close to each other, Derek spooning her, their hands entwined.

"Good night, love."

_A/N 9 JUL08 Thanks for your comments, I normally don't wait this long to write/post, but my grandmother passed away on Sunday, and yesterday she had a beautiful mass and our family is at peace. I was the oldest granddaughter and she always without reservation told everyone her favorite, I wrote and spoke her eulogy, and undoubtedly you will see some of her spiritual strength and beliefs, which are obviously those of her family, in Chapter 115...I'm working on it now...you've already seen some of those thoughts while I wrote about Mer's dreams... Warm regards, Jasmin_


	117. Chapter 117

**Chapter 115 – Bittersweet Homecoming **

The morning hours went by quickly and they enjoyed their joint massage by the fireplace, regretting their time away had come to an end as they gathered their belongings and were about to leave the room.

"Meredith, don't forget this," he gave her the bag they'd dropped off in their room, "but take these out, you're in charge of them now."

She looked at the three envelopes and told him, "they made a mistake, it was only two gift certificates, we need to them take the other one back, and this one says two nights."

"No mistake…two nights for Kathleen, a suite in fact, and the other two, one's for Mom the adjoining room …he smiled, stopping in front of her and caressing her face, "and the other one is for you."

"What are you talking about?"

"Well…while I'm off in the wilderness…I thought you and Mom & Kathleen could spend a day…night here at the spa…bonding time…"

"Derek…this was for your Mom…to enjoy, not to force my company on her…"

"Meredith, you are going to be her daughter in law…believe me…she wants to spend time with you…"

"Derek…I'm not sure…I mean, I want to get to know her, but what if when she gets here and doesn't like me, and Nancy gets to her, and well, she thinks I'm the slutty lusty intern…Derek, that won't work…"

He silenced her with a kiss…"then you can have separate rooms."

"Derek…"

"Meredith, stop fretting… she already likes you, and Kathleen is totally biased, in your favor."

"She is not…" she smiled.

"Yes, she is…so, I want to do this, the guys will go off for a couple of days, and the three of you can come up here for a day, and then you and Mom can go back and Kathleen can spend a romantic sexless weekend with her husband."

"Sexless…" she almost choked.

"Just wanted to know if you were paying attention."

"I don't…don't have to send it right away…I mean…I can wait…till your Mom and I, we communicate a little more…"

"You think," she laughed, "you're going to bet Mark go fishing?"

"Of course he is… and you can do whatever you want with these…and if you decide you don't want to do this…you and I can use them, ok?"

"Ok…" she smiled, and hugged him, "thank you, again for this time away."

"We'll be back…"

"I hope so," she said and kissed him softly at first, and he deepened their kiss, and each caress, each stroke of their tongues made promises for tomorrow's dreams.

They drove up to her house, and both sat quietly for a few minutes. "It feels like I've been gone forever," she said, and he reached for her hand, "but, it's only been five nights…"

"Are you ok?"

"Yes…I will be…" she said and leaned over to kiss him, "bring your bags in, I'll do our laundry, and I'll fix some sandwiches for lunch."

"Very domesticated," he teased.

"Don't be an ass, I'm being practical."

"My lovely bossy …"

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"Don't push it," she smiled, and let him walk around and open the door for her.

He left the bags by the stairs and they walked to the kitchen, and right away she noticed the daisies on the kitchen table with a note by it, the outside of the envelope simply said 'Meredith', and she reached for it and took the note out.

"Oh," she said softly as she read, and he walked up behind her, and read along with her.

_Mer,_

_We know you're back at work tomorrow, and hope we get to see you and Derek tonight._

_I've left lasagna ready for dinner, we should all be home by 7, but just in case you go to the trailer, Lexie dropped one off there too, smaller, just for you and Derek, and we kind of took the liberty of cleaning up, and there's all fresh laundry in your room. _

_See you tonight, and if not tomorrow at work, love Izzie_

"That was very thoughtful," he murmured against her ear.

"Yes…it was," she said and held back tears.

"I'll fix lunch for us," he said.

"I can fix sandwiches Derek…that's not cooking."

"I know…and you make the best sandwiches," he smiled.

"Coward…"

"Just the last bit of pampering…" he smiled, "before we go back to work, then I'll be out of your hair."

"You're …you're not coming back later?"

"I plan on it…unless you want some time alone," he said a bit uncertain.

"Derek…I don't want to sleep alone."

"I'll be here."

"I mean every night…I told you that before…remember…I have abandonment issues."

"I remember…I just didn't do a very good job of keeping my promise."

"Hey, you know what…that's in the past…you're here now…and that's all that matters," she said and kissed him.

"I'll take the bags up…and then fix lunch."

They walked upstairs and opened the door to her room, and she was again a bit emotional at the fact that flowers had also been placed on her nightstand and there were fresh sheets on the bed, and a pile of clean folded clothes on the chair.

"This was nice, Derek…that they did this…I've never had this…so many people looking after me."

"You deserve all of this…and more…you've been there for them…for all of them."

"We're lucky Derek…your family…and mine, it's not typical, but they are my family, they've been very supportive."

"Yes, they have been, and we are lucky," he said, and walked up behind her and put his arms around her.

She cleared her throat and said, "I'll unpack our things, and whatever you need to take, and I'll bring it downstairs…"

"It can all stay here."

"I'll be down in a couple of minutes," she said, "after I unpack and put these clean clothes away first."

Meanwhile, at the hospital, their friends sat around in the cafeteria and had some odd looks directed their way. It was not often they saw Mark Sloan sitting in the cafeteria with an intern and four residents.

"We're getting odd looks, aren't we?" Mark commented.

"Yeah, this is not up your alley."

"Well Yang, there's a first time for everything," he said.

"Dr.Sloan," Izzie said, "we're hoping Mer will be home tonight, so we can see her there, instead of at the hospital tomorrow, and you're welcome to drop by if you'd like, have dinner with us."

"Thanks Stevens, but I think she should have some time with her friends, I got to see her and Derek they went away."

"If you change your mind, just feel free to stop by," she said.

"Mark, I went by Derek's and left…"

"You're calling him Mark," Cristina questioned Lexie.

"Well, yes…he said I should, and I mean I only said so because we're talking about Mer and Derek…I know not to do that if it was not related to that, really Cristina, I know better, I do…but, right now, we're talking about my sister…"

"See, that's why I can't miss Meredith…I have you to ramble and sound just like she does," Cristina said.

"Guys…I have to get back to work," Alex said, "did you all read the info we got from Dr Sloan? Seven things to read?"

"Yes, Alex, we all read it…we all care about her…" George commented.

"You are all great friends to her," Mark said, "I know they will appreciate all your support."

"She's our family, Dr. Sloan, and you've been one of us, we appreciate that."

"Yes, O'Malley, she certainly is," Mark responded.

"Ok," Cristina said, "just remember, if you forget everything else, if in doubt, say something - anything - and be prepared to listen, () and she can cry. Let her cry."

"Yes," Lexie added, "it says that possibly the hardest thing, even harder than hearing an insensitive comment, is when people say nothing at all."

"Thanks for lunch Dr.Sloan, I have to run," Alex told him.

"Not a problem Karev, I've got to go myself. You're all great friends, I'm sure she's going to be fine," he said and started to walk away, "Grey, Yang, scrub in with me at three."

"You want us to scrub in with you…the surgery you have the gallery closed for."

"Take it or leave it…" he challenged.

"No…of course…of course…thank you, that's…it's great, Lexie, let's go read up on the history," she said getting up quickly and heading out.

"That's family Yang…" he said as she passed him on the way out, "just keep that comment to yourself."

"Yes…sir, it is family…of course, thank you sir, Mark…Dr. Sloan…"

Mark chuckled under his breath, and thought, she rambled, granted a Yang ramble, but there may be hope for her yet.

Meredith unpacked their bags, and smiled at the very domestic aspect of what she was doing, unpacking his things, putting aside the few items of laundry both had from the trip, they'd have to compromise she thought, and take turns doing this sort of thing.

She had separated what she was going to take downstairs, and went to get the clean laundry left on her chair, and she opened the armoire ready to put a sweater in its place but suddenly her hands shook, and laying the sweater down she reached for the small white piece of cloth and the black and white image she knew she'd find within its fold.

"Oh God…" she said softly, and then a sob escaped her, "oh God…" she held the small item against her heart and began to cry.

Derek had finished making sandwiches and found it odd she was still upstairs, "Meredith," he called out, "lunch is ready, what's taking you so long?"

When she didn't answer, he called out again, "Meredith? Did you hear me?"

She was oblivious at first, but when he called out again and she heard footsteps on the stairs, she quickly went to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

"Meredith," he said as he walked in and didn't see her, and wondered where she was, but seeing the bathroom door closed, approached it and said again, "Meredith, did you hear me, lunch is ready."

She tried to keep the sobs down, muffling their sound against the soft white material of the gift she'd so lovingly purchased, her heart full of love and hope just a few days ago.

He heard her, and immediately opened the door, and his heart broke when he saw her sitting on the floor her back against the tub her knees raised, holding the onesie she had used to give him the news of their baby, while trying to muffle her sobs against its soft white material, as she felt the letters of the embroidery against her face.

"Meredith," he said, dropping to the floor next to her, "don't cry, please…don't cry…love…you're breaking my heart, please don't cry it will be ok…it will, I promise…things will be ok".

"It…I can't…"

"Shhh…for me please…don't cry…"

"I…oh…it hurts…Derek, it hurts so much…"

"I know…I know it does… but why didn't you call me…why didn't you answer me…why where you in here…crying alone…?

"I didn't…don't…want you to see me cry…not anymore…you said all I do is cry…when I'm with you…I don't want you to see me cry anymore…"

He wrapped his arms around her, "Meredith…please…please don't tell me that…that you're here crying and hurting and want to keep me away…please…you can't do this alone, I don't want you to do this alone, I only said that…I said that…and I was wrong…because I didn't understand, but I do…now I do… I understood that you feel you can…you can have me here to comfort you," he paused, all the while she continued to cry, and he attempted with his words and his touch to get through to her and ease her heartache, "I understood, that you don't have to put up any fronts with me…or try to keep your feelings bottled up inside, but you have to let me in…we promised not to push the other way…and I don't want you to go through this alone."

"I…I…I didn't expect this…I didn't expect to find this," she said holding the tiny garment, "and…Derek…it just breaks my…it hurts so much …knowing our baby was here Derek…just five days ago…our baby…she was still part of me… she was still with me…"

"Shhh…we just lost our baby…" he said, trying and failing to control his emotions and the attempt to keep the tears from falling, "but…we had her just a few days…and we have to think about those days, when we thought we'd have our baby…and we were happy and she knows that…she knows we loved her…and that if we'd had the chance…" he said, but was unable to continue, and she saw the depth of his sadness.

"You see…this…this is why I didn't want you to see me like this," she said, wiping away his tears, "I don't want you to be sad anymore…"

"But…but I am," he told her, "we both are…and these are the moments we can't push or pull away, these are the moments we have to be there…together…and I feel like crying too, while I'm trying not to…but I feel like it too…so why don't we just cry together."

"I failed you…and her…" she said with a broken sob, but reached out to him, kissing his tears away.

"Please…" he said kissing her tears away as well, "you did not fail us…you actually…"

"But…what if…"

"Meredith…there's no what if's…" he said, and kissed her softly, their tears intermingled, "we can't change what happened, but…we found each other, forever…we know…we don't ever want to be apart again, even though she was only with us for a few days that we were aware of, that tiny little baby we created…she helped us understand, fully realize …what we mean to each other…she gave us that Meredith…she helped us to appreciate what our love meant…and we will never forget that, or her…she will always be with us."

"Oh, Derek…I lost her…our little girl… a baby I had never allowed myself to dream about, " she said, holding her lips together, "and with you…the one and only man I've ever loved…we created a baby…who's gone…and I can feel your sadness and my heart is in so much pain because I want to make you happy and make all those dreams come true…and I don't know if I can…and you've had to put up with my crying…and this overwhelming emptiness…I'm sorry…but I don't know if I can…if I can do this again…" she said holding the sonogram in one hand.

"What don't you know…what can't you do…" he soothed, afraid of her answer.

"Being pregnant…and losing a baby…I don't know if I can do that again, seeing, seeing…" she said, while tracing the outline of the black and white image in her hands, and almost to herself only, "this…her gone…"

She felt his body become tense and rigid, and then he broke down sobbing, "I'm sorry…so sorry…" he said, as he held her tighter, and kept whispering, "I didn't realize…I'm sorry…Meredith…I didn't realize that's what you meant before…"

"Derek…she…she was…I loved our baby so much…I had no idea, I would ever feel this way…but now…"

"I know…I know you did…and…it hurts me too, but we'll get through his, we'll get do this together," he said and continued to hold her until her cries subsided, and in his mind he knew he couldn't see her go through that again. He had decisions to make and even as his heart was breaking, he promised he would not ask her to go through that again. The depth of his pain was unbearable, as he fully comprehended what she had gone through, what she'd meant about seeing their baby, and he knew his dreams of a family may have ended nights ago, the day she lost their baby.

He helped her get up, and as he did he asked, "may…I …may I take this?"

"It…it was for you…but…now…"

"May I…" he said softly, and she saw the glittering reflection in his eyes, and placed the tiny garment in his hands, which he took lovingly and folding it, placed in the inside pocket of his jacket, while she kept the sonogram.

She washed her face, and they went downstairs and ate the lunch he had prepared, "lunch was good Derek," she said, attempting normalcy where none existed.

"Do you want anything else to eat? Do you need anything else?"

"I'm ok," she said quietly. "Are you?"

"Yes," he said, and got up to clear the table, and that one word spoke of his pain.

"Derek, I can do that…" she said, and got up and stopped him, and wrapped her arms around him, "why don't you go and do the things you wanted to get done today."

"You want me to leave," he said a bit defensively, though he knew that was not what she meant, but their emotional reaction to seeing the baby's garment had taken its toll.

"No, I don't want you to leave…but I think you need a little time…"

"Is that what you need?"

"Derek," she said sternly, "do not do this…we are not second guessing each other's feelings. We have just been through hell the past week, and we had two wonderful days away, and I'm sorry I found …I found…the baby's …and ruined it."

"Hey…don't…we're ok…I'm sorry you had to go through that today…" he said, kissing the top of her head.

"It was going to happen at some point…so let's stop… we were there for each other…that's what we promised we were going to do…and now, I do think, you probably can use some time alone, after all that's happened, and that's not a bad thing, we may need that, sometimes, and it's ok," she said and kissed him.

"When did you get so smart," he asked, and kissed her back.

"Just want to make sure you're ok…"

"We both want the same things, Meredith, it's all I want as well, to make sure you're ok."

"Then go, and I'll see you later," she said, and kissed him one last time, and walked with him to the front door.

When he left, she cleaned up the kitchen, did laundry, and made three calls, Dr. Cameron, Dr. Wyatt and Dr. Sloan but in his case had to leave a message, which he returned.

"Mark, thanks for calling me back."

"How are you?"

"I'm ok, but I'm worried about Derek, and I thought you might talk to him, actually I'm hoping you'll see him today."

"What's wrong Grey?"

She didn't get into details, but told him they'd had a couple of very good days, and then what had happened when she got home, and that she felt he needed some time alone, really away from her, because she felt he was bottling everything inside, just trying to be strong for her, and that he could use his brother. After that, she went to take a nap, hoping for the numbing effect only sleep could bring, but not before she took the sonogram and wrote in the back, Brianna, and the date the image had been taken.

Derek was on the ferry, on his way home when he felt the vibration of his phone and responded instinctively, "Shepherd."

"Don't you look before you answer?"

"Mark, not in the mood for any jokes."

"That's what Grey said."

"You spoke to Meredith?"

"She called me."

"When? Why? Is something wrong with her, she didn't call me."

"Shep, she's worried about you."

"She called you for that?"

"Yeah…can you think of a better reason."

"I'm fine."

"I guess familiarity does rub off…you're fine, my ass."

"What the hell did she say to you," he asked defensively, and Mark told him.

"So you see, you dumb ass, she's really just worried about you, which makes the two of you perfectly suited for one another, now where the hell are you?"

Derek reached the trailer, found that Lexie had indeed been there, picked up the note by the small vase of flowers she'd left on the table, and read it, and placed in his pocket to take to Meredith. Then he went for a walk around his property, and at some point found himself by the cliff at the site of their future home, just as the sun had began to set, holding a glass of amber liquid in his hand, and that was how hours later Mark found him.

"You're going to pay for two pairs of shoes, Shep," he said and startled Derek out of his dark thoughts, and turned around to face his friend.

"What are you doing here? I didn't ask you to come, and if you're stupid enough to wear those type of shoes again, you get to pay for them."

Mark, put his hand on his shoulder, "how are you Derek?"

"Completely fucked up," he responded truthfully.

"Wanna talk about it?"

He took a deep breath, swallowed the last of the amber liquid and grabbed the glass and hurled it against the closet tree where it found it's target and shattered.

"I don't know how to help her."

"What are you talking about, she told me you had a great couple of days, and then turns around and tells me she is worried about you."

"She's still hurting Mark…she's cried so much, and I don't know what else I can do…she's ok sometimes…the time we were away, the last few days, it was healing in a lot of ways…but today…she just broke down," he paused, and very quietly added, "we both did."

"What happened?"

Derek glossed over some of the details of the last few days, but when he got to earlier that afternoon, it was difficult to control his emotions, "she…she was putting laundry away, and…she found…found this…" he said taking the onesie from his pocket, "she…she'd bought this…for me," he said taking a deep breath, and unable to continue.

Mark, read the words and found himself become emotional as well, not just for Derek, but the child he'd lost, the child Addison had not cared enough about, and put his hand on Derek's shoulder and squeezed, "I'm sorry, Derek…so sorry for your loss."

He took a deep breath, and after long minutes replied, "thank you…I get it…what it must have felt like for you. I'm sorry for your loss too," he said, and both men, found themselves comforting the other with those words.

"Derek, I…we…her friends, we've looked at a lot of information, make sure we say the right thing…and Shep, you have to know…what she's going through, it's normal…it may be a while, weeks before her hormones are back to normal, and she'll probably do a lot of crying still, but all I've read…it says it helps to talk, and for her to cry…but most of all you need to do this together, and you have to accept it's your loss too."

"You…you've been reading…about this…miscarriages…" he stated a bit in shock.

"Yeah…we…we wanted to be sensitive, not to say the wrong things…for her…for both of you, and it would help if you read the same thing, it's on the web."

"That's…that's very thoughtful," Derek said quite moved, "that means a lot, and it will mean a lot to her too."

"We want you both to be ok…Derek…she has the obvious physical issues, but both of you…both of you need to heal emotionally."

"Who would have thought…" he joked for the first time in hours, "you a shrink."

"Yeah…I guess having Kat around was a bad influence."

"Must have been that," Derek stated.

"Shep…don't beat yourself over this…just be there for her, that's all she needs."

"I hope you're right…"

"I know I am, now get your ass out of here and go to her, I'm sure she's waiting for you, though I hope she didn't wait for you to have dinner, all her friends were going to be there by seven thirty."

"How do you know about dinner?"

"I had lunch with the bunch today in the cafeteria."

"Ok…who are you? What happened to my friend the cocky intern slave driver, can't be bothered with teaching cause I'm God…Mark Sloan?"

"His brother forgave him for fucking up his life, and he has a sister in law that's had enough shit in her life, and needs protecting."

Derek looked at him incredulously, then surprising them both embraced him, "I've told you before…but I'm glad to have my brother back," and gave him a heartfelt pat on the back.

"Let's go Shep, Meredith is waiting for you."

"Want to come for dinner?"

"No…have other dinner plans."

"Tracy?"

"Yeah."

"Need to talk?"

"No…not yet," Mark said, as they both walked back through the clearing to Mark's car.

"I'm here, anytime," he said, and they made small talk on the way back to Derek's trailer, where they now saw the Chief was home for the night.

"Derek, he feels bad, Richard knows he screwed up…give him a break."

"I have no intention…"

"Derek, just…give it a chance…he called a meeting, all of us, Bailey, the four and Lexie, and spoke to us about being there, supporting Grey…and you through this time."

"He should have thought about that before."

"We all fuck up…he's trying now, and I met that little girl Shep…there was nothing you could do to stop what happened with Meredith…but that little girl, she looks like a little angel…she deserved to have the best surgeon …and you saved her life."

"You saw her, Kelly?"

"Everyone's seen her, she's got the entire floor wrapped around her little finger, there's something…something quite special about her."

"Meredith met her you know…she agreed…it was the right thing to do…"

"Just…think about it…and hey…think about the bright side too…he's probably going to agree to anything you ask for now."

"We'll…we'll see," he said as he got out of the car and headed for the trailer, "thanks Mark, I'll see you tomorrow."

Meredith heard the commotion while she was getting dressed, she'd showered and then napped for a couple of hours, and now was about to see some of her friends for the first time since she'd lost the baby, a baby she'd never had a chance to tell them about.

"Keep it quiet," George told them, "for all you know they're sleeping," Meredith heard him say as she descended the stairs.

"Dude, just chill, it's time for dinner, they should be waking up anyway."

"Maybe they're not here, Shepherd's car wasn't parked outside," Cristina added.

"I left her a note," Izzie said, "so they know we'd be here and that they could have dinner, so I'm just going to warm this up, and we can eat in about half an hour."

"I'm here," Meredith said walking in the kitchen, and all went silent, "Derek's not."

"Mer…why not, why isn't Shepherd here?"

"He had some things to do…Cristina, don't think the worst of him, he'll be here later," she said, though the part of her that still harbored doubts, was thinking he may not show up tonight as it was already close to eight, and over an hour ago she'd received a text from Mark, simple, but had said, Shep's ok, don't worry.

"Mer, we thought it would be good, if we had dinner here tonight…we weren't sure if you and Dr. Shepherd would be here but…just in case…we could see you, instead of at the hospital."

"Thanks Iz, we did appreciate it…thank you…the flowers are beautiful, and you didn't have to go through all the trouble to tidy up."

"Are you ok? Are you feeling ok?" George asked her.

"I'm getting there…I'm going to be honest, there's times…this is hard," she said, getting teary eyed, "but…Derek and I…we're going to be ok."

George walked up to her, "we're all here for you…whatever you need," he said and kissed her cheek.

"I know," she said simply, "it means a lot to me," and pulled out a chair and sat down, and a few seconds later, Alex sat next to her, and reached for her hand.

"You deserved better," he said, still holding her hand and looking in her eyes, "I'm sorry."

"Thank you," she said, squeezing his hand gently in return, "it hurts…a lot," she added quietly, and he leaned over and kissed her cheek.

"You need any shifts covered," he said, " you let me know."

"I think… think working will help," she said.

"Mer," Izzie asked, "should we wait for Derek, before we eat?"

"No, you can go ahead, if..." she stared to say, but changed her mind, "he had a lot to do, so, he can eat later, he won't mind," she said, just as Lexie walked in.

"Hi," Lexie said as she went to sit at the head of the table, next to her sister, "did you enjoy the spa, it looked beautiful."

"It was, we needed that," she said, and Lexie noticed her sadness.

"Mer, what's wrong," she asked as she placed her hand on her arm, "where's Derek now?"

"He had a lot of things to do," she said, and felt her voice quiver, "I…think he's coming…later," and could not hide the emotion in her tone, nor the tears that pooled in the grey green eyes.

"Am I going to have to call him out for you," her sister asked in a half joking mode.

"No…we're ok," she said, but suddenly wasn't so sure, as she heard the clock chime the eight o'clock hour, and got up from the table. "I'll be right back," she said, not wanting to let anyone see her doubts, when suddenly he was walking toward her, and their gazes met, and the tears in her eyes reminded him her doubts had not been put to rest.

"Hey," he said as he walked to her and they met before outside the kitchen.

"You came," she said softly, words barely audible to him.

"Can we talk," he said holding her hand and pulling her with him to the living room.

"Is something wrong…" she said, not wanting to look at him, expecting the worst.

"I think so," he said, and forced her to meet his gaze.

"Oh…" she whispered, and that word spoke of all her doubts and fears that he too would walk away.

"You get that I love you…"

"But…" she heard herself say.

"That's what I would like you to tell me…what's going on in your head…because, clearly, you didn't believe I was going to show up."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be…I get it…I've given you reasons to doubt…but, Meredith…we can't do this, we can't let old doubts and fears and past behavior get in the way of what we've been trying so hard to save…what we both want…"

"I…I knew you needed some time alone."

"I thought you needed that as well…but, the only but…is that you need to believe me, trust me…that I'm always going to show up. I broke that promise once, I won't again…"

She stood in front of him, unsure of what to say, because he was right, she had doubted, and she wanted to believe him, he'd given her no reason not to since the night they had gotten back together… reconciled

"Derek…" she said, seeing the look in his eyes and wishing she hadn't given in to dark and twisty thoughts, "are you ok?"

"I will be…" he said, and looked at her intensely, and after several endless seconds, "as long as you are," he said, and the emotion in his voice got through to her, and she knew at that moment that whatever had happened in the past, whatever doubts she may have felt where this man was concerned, this man that loved her and for once fate seemed to be looking down favorably upon her, this man, who was the love of her life, her soul mate, would not let her down again.

"Are we ok…" she said, standing close to him, barely inches away.

"Are we, Meredith?" uncertainty evident in the dejected tone of his voice.

"Yes…" she said, leaning in and kissing him softly, "yes, Derek…we are," and tenderly caressed his face, and kissed his lips again, "yes…and I love you…I love you so much, and you need to know, I want you to know…Derek, you are my life…"

"I am…" he asked tenuously.

"Yes…you are," she said pulling back to look at him, "don't ever forget it."

"We…we need to work on things…trust…it's important, Meredith…we have to trust each other, this time we've spent together…what we've been through, we can't let doubts get in the way of all that…" he smiled, using her words, "progress."

"Extraordinary progress," she said separating the distance between them, and they held on to each other, knowing they would never allow the other to let go.

"I love you, Meredith…" he said and kissed her tenderly.

"Let's have dinner…our family's waiting for us," she smiled a bit sadly at the bittersweet moments they would face as soon as they walked in to the kitchen, "waiting to show us their support."

Izzie was the first to react as Meredith and Derek walked in holding hands, "Dr…Derek, we're glad you could make in time for dinner."

"Sorry I held you up, I was unexpectedly delayed," he said squeezing her hand, "Mark suddenly decided he'd pay me a visit…and play shrink," he said hoping to lighten the somber mood.

Lexie intercepted them as they walked to the table, "I'm glad you're here, I was afraid I was going to have to call you out, and ask Cristina to be my second."

He hugged her, "thank you Xena," he said quietly, "your sister is lucky to have you," and they all proceeded to find their seats at the table.

"I'd like to say something," Meredith said, "before we eat," she said, holding Derek's hand for comfort, "we…Derek and I…we…didn't get a chance to tell you…before, before," she paused, as her emotions got the best of her.

"Mer…" Cristina spoke up, "we understand…and we want you to know how much we care, all of us, we wanted to be here…we know you and Derek were happy about this baby, and we…we're all very sorry for your loss."

"Mer…Derek…we're here, if you need anything…please let us help," Izzie added.

"Meredith, and I," Derek spoke for them both, as she was still affected by the words that had been spoken by Cristina and Izzie, and the fact they were all there for dinner, "it means a great deal to us to have your support during this time, for all you've done."

The seven people at the table ate in relative silence for the first several minutes, until they regained the familiar camaraderie and spoke of recent happenings at the hospital, each recognizing the tremendous effect the loss of this child represented, and the overwhelming emotions that brought them together and now bound them as family forever.

() The Seven helpful things to say and Seven things not to say lists are compiled from information courtesy of the Wellington Miscarriage Group) Comments made by Cristina & Lexie are taken from there.


	118. Chapter 118

**Chapter 116 – Family & Trust **

"Mer, tell us about the spa," Izzie said, changing the subject regarding the hospital, "I'd read about it in Seattle magazine, but when Lexie mentioned she and Kathleen had showed Derek…sorry, Dr. Shepherd… on the website I looked it up and it's awesome, seriously, I'd love to get some of those treatments, and the menus..." she was interrupted when they heard someone at the door.

"Are you guys expecting anyone," George asked a bit surprised, "we're all here," he said and went to answer the door, and to everyone's surprise saw Mark stroll in behind him, truly completing the circle of family and friends.

"Dr. Sloan, it's nice you were able to join us, I'll get you a plate," Izzie got up and brought him one, as he walked over to Meredith.

"Oh my God, Dr.Sloan…that surgery was amazing today…I can't begin to tell you guys, it was just incredible, the way he works," Cristina commented, honestly seeming in awe of the surgeon, "and he explained every step as he went along."

"It really was, Mark it was unbelievable, and that you'd let Cristina and I scrub in, I've never seen anything like it…truly a perfect technique" Lexie jumped in.

"Grey," Mark said and leaned down to kiss Meredith's cheek, "took care of him for you," he said for her hears only, "are you ok?"

"Yes…" she said smiling at him, and reaching for Derek's hand, "I'm really ok."

"Guys," Cristina continued, "you had to see this procedure, but of course," she said with her usual cockiness, "you didn't, so you'll have to hope another one comes along, because, well, it was just…like Lexie said, perfection."

"Hey, Xena," Mark said and came to sit by Lexie, but not before he put his hand on top of her head and ruffled her hair a bit, "you and Yang were fantastic today, I'll have you two scrub in more often," he said earning smiles from both women, and a scowl from Alex.

Derek and Meredith looked at each other and laughed.

"Ok…" Derek said, "we're gone a couple of days, and our friends have been taken over by aliens, Mark, what the hell is wrong with you…today not only did you play shrink and have lunch with this group, but you taught them something? You actually had Cristina and Lexie scrub in and you taught them something," Derek muttered incredulously.

"Mark, what do you think you are doing," Meredith demanded, her bossy tone very much in place, "ruffling my sister's hair, don't you dare…do not even consider flirting with her, and you Cristina, what the hell is wrong with you…gushing all over him? Derek's right what's happened to all three of you?"

"Dude…Mer's right, you're too old to be messing with Lexie," Alex said, perhaps a bit too defensively.

Mark was unaffected by their outburst, and had already sat down and served a portion of lasagna on his plate, "Stevens, this is excellent, I thought you only baked."

"Mark…" Meredith reprimanded, "what is going on? You have Cristina sounding like a cheerleader, and you Lexie…what's with the smiles…"

"You…you think," Lexie started to say and giggled, "Mark and I…that he's flirting with me…oh God, Mer, he's old enough…"

"Yes…Dr.Grey…" Mark interrupted.

"Mark…come on…you know…we're not…you're not flirting…we just…we've talked about it…we were going to be …" she said and stopped, realizing she was about to say godparents, and how much that would hurt Meredith.

"Yes, Xena, we have a common bond…Meredith's going to be my sister in law and by default, we are going to be family, these two," he said pointing to Meredith and Derek, "you too Karev, they just have their mind in the gutter," he laughed.

The various conversations became a bit comical as erroneous assumptions ensued over the next several minutes.

"Oh my God, Mer…you're getting married, seriously, you're engaged…when did it happen, probably while you were away…that's wonderful…it must have been at the spa, that's so romantic…so tell us…"

"Mer…Shepherd proposed?" Cristina questioned.

"Congratulations…Dr.Shepherd…that's great…" George told them.

"Dude…congratulations."

"Derek…Mer…that's great…you didn't say anything…when did you propose…I mean…I guess it must have been while you were away…now we can start planning a wedding, I can imagine what Kathleen said…" Lexie rambled.

"Well, we're not…we… it's not…like that, we're not getting married…I mean, Derek…"

"Grey, what are you talking about? Shep how the hell did you screw this up now…you didn't tell me…" Mark said.

"We're not, I mean…Derek…he…he hasn't proposed."

Silence followed, all glaring at him accusingly, while Meredith was quiet, some of the old doubts creeping in, but determined she would not give in to them, and instead embraced the knowledge that they were together for good.

"I haven't proposed is what she means."

Everyone remained silent, until Meredith spoke up, "Izzie, to answer your question, the spa was wonderful, I've never been so spoiled in my life," Meredith said, and smiled at Derek and laid her hand over his, squeezing it gently while doing her best to hide her disappointment.

"Before, we change the subject, no, I have not proposed, well…I did in a way, a while back but I managed to mess that up, but, Meredith and I…we are getting married…she has promised to say yes when I propose, and she wants to be surprised…which I have every intention of doing," he said, and leaned over and kissed her.

Nobody had anything to add, but all marveled at the way they had both fallen into equally comfortable demonstrations of affection, which in the past they had not, and both were oblivious to their friends for the next minute.

"Derek…I wasn't …you know… complaining…"

"I won't disappoint you again…" he assured her, kissing her softly again.

"Mer…hold on, you want to be surprised, that's not like you…you talk about us changing, but surprises, not like you." Cristina commented.

"Old ways weren't necessarily working…so yes, I did ask Derek to surprise me," Meredith said smiling at him, her hand gently reassuring on his arm, while forcing herself to put the doubts behind, and not let it bother her that perhaps the days they were away, could have been a good time for him to propose.

"Shep…just let me know, how I can help…I seem to have a better way with the ladies," he said, at which the women rolled their eyes, "hey…I do," he said taking in their facial expressions.

"We have noticed you've overcome the nurse's strike against you," Alex smirked.

"Got that right Karev…"

"Speaking of which," Derek added, unable to hide the cocky tone, "all those better ways…yet you got stood up, because I clearly recall you had other plans for this evening."

"Derek, that's not nice," Meredith chided.

"It's ok, Grey, he can't help the need to downplay my … shall we say…"

"Over inflated ego," Derek added, clearly enjoying the banter.

"Just for that…you get no help with Grey's proposal…"

"Don't you worry…Kathleen's already helping…" he started to say, and realized his blunder.

"Kathleen," Meredith said softly and turned to look at him, clearly moved that he had not forgotten about it, "you…that's…that's why…" she stopped as he answered her.

"Yes…that's why I called her…"

"You…you…didn't…didnt' forget…" she said quietly, her gaze never leaving his.

"What…you think…of course not…" he said, and brushed her lips with his, and then captured the lone tear as his thumb caressed her face.

"She didn't say anything," Meredith told him.

"She's not supposed to…"

"I didn't really push her…I already said that…"

"Meredith, I know…trust me…please."

"I do," she said and leaned in to him for quick kiss, as he reached for her hand and caressed it.

"Ok all this touchy-feely is well and fine for the two of you in private, but the rest of us, we don't really care to watch," Cristina added.

"Yang, be nice," Mark told her.

"Dr. Sloan, come on, even you have to admit this display is a bit too saccharine."

"Yeah…but that's Shep…he can't help himself, always a geek," he said, and they all laughed, including Meredith and Derek.

"Hey…at least I did not get stood up tonight," Derek reminded him.

"Shep, you're an ass…she had a patient that wasn't doing too well, and wanted to make sure they were stable."

"Dr. Sloan," Alex asked him, "can you tell us about the procedure today," and Mark proceeded to briefly explain.

"Tell you what Karev, next surgery, you're in."

"Mark, I think Derek is right, about the personality change," Meredith said smiling at him, "dare we assume it's related to…" but didn't get a chance to finish her sentence.

"Don't even go there Grey," he warned.

"Oh, Izzie, I almost forgot, we brought some of the spices they use at the restaurants, I thought you'd enjoy trying those, plus a couple of other things."

"Mer, that sounds great…you didn't have to do that."

"I…I wanted to tell you, earlier…" she said, and squeezed Derek's hand for her own comfort, "it means a lot to me, all you've done, all your support…I can't thank you each enough, coming home today, the flowers…my room…your note, this tonight, you're all my family, and we both…really appreciate it," she said, emotion echoing in every word she said.

"You are our family Mer," Alex was the one to speak first, "we all wanted to show our support."

"Thank you," she said getting teary eyed, "will never be enough, to express what I'm feeling."

"Lexie," Derek said, "the flowers you left at the trailer were lovely as well and thanks for tidying up," and reached into his pocket and handed a note to Meredith, where written on the envelope she saw both their names, "I forgot to give you this."

Meredith looked at the note and opened it, and as she began to read her eyes watered.

_-Dear Meredith & Derek, _

_We wanted you to come back and not have to worry about cleaning, so I came out, and took care of laundry and stuff for you…Derek, this is a really small place, by the way, so the house plans are a really good idea for the two of you to agree on quickly…Mer, I hope you like the flowers, I replaced the others, tulips don't last long you know. _

_I'm really sorry about all you're going through, and if you need me for anything, I'm only a call away, please…let me be your sister…whether it's to talk or cry or just be silent…you too Derek…we're going to be family… we already are, I think, and I am so grateful to have you both in my life. _

_I hope the feelings you and Derek are experiencing over the loss of the baby, will become more bearable as time goes by. I know you will never forget your baby, and neither will I. Mer, you have no idea what it meant to me, how honored I was you found me worthy of being godmother. I love you Meredith, Lexie _

Meredith placed the note in the envelope and back in Derek's pocket, and reached over to Lexie who was sitting next to her and placed a hand over hers, "we'll talk later…ok…" and then turned to Derek, without letting go of her hand, "she rambles…Derek…even in her note, she rambles," she said, "and I don't want to cry, but apparently…I'm sorry, guys…my hormones, now…after the…" she paused, " the miscarriage, it seems they take weeks to be back to normal," she said openly addressing the issue for the first time in front of them.

"Mer, we…we've all read about it, on this website," George said, clearing his throat, "this website Dr. Sloan told us about, and some information Alex printed…we know…it will take a while."

"Yes…and it's ok to cry…we understand. If you need to cry, just find us," Cristina added, "we'll be there…just preferably, no hugging."

Derek was aware of some of this due to his conversation with Mark, but she wasn't and was completely taken of guard at the thoughtfulness and actions of each of her friends, which was beyond anything she would have expected or had ever truly experienced, even when her mother passed away, she had remained seemingly unaffected, but now unable to control her emotions, she lowered her face to her hands and began to cry quietly.

Derek immediately brought his chair closer to hers and put his arm around her, allowing her to bury her face in his chest, and whispered softly to her, and not one of those at the table failed to shed a tear or more.

"I'm sorry…" she said after composing herself, though tears were still brimming in her eyes, "I'm sorry…I never do that…but you…you've all…everything you've done…nobody's ever cared so much for me before…"

"You're our family, Mer…and you're always there for us," Izzie said.

"We love you," George added.

"We know how much this meant to you…to you both." Cristina told her, not unaffected by her friends emotional reaction.

"The Chief, and Bailey," Alex said, pausing, "they said, whatever you need, time off…whatever…just let us know."

"Thank you…all of you," Derek said, "thank you."

Lexie still had tears in her eyes, and feeling her sister's loss had remained quiet, then she felt her hand being squeezed and simply whispered, "I love you Meredith," and in response her sister squeezed harder.

"You know," Derek said, attempting to make things easier for her, "Meredith should tell you about her fishing experience."

"Fishing…" they heard the echo throughout the kitchen.

"You want me to tell them about fishing…" she asked, smiling softly.

"Might as well…since you're going to brag about it sooner or later."

"Mer, you went fishing…seriously?" Izzie asked her.

"Uh huh…" she said, happy to change the conversation she knew had deeply affected Derek as well, "fly fishing."

"You went fishing…now…while you were at the spa, you went fly fishing, Meredith, you spent hours in the water, fly fishing?" Lexie asked, curious while a bit concerned.

"Xena, you amaze me…you know about fly fishing," Mark teased her.

"Mark, I know about lots of things," she said, almost flirting with him.

"Uh…Lexie…Mark…what did I say…no flirting."

"Grey, you're no fun…now that you're going to be Mrs. S…what happened to my DM partner," he teased her, making every attempt at levity, recognizing both Derek and Meredith had just experienced very emotional moments. He was also concerned about his brother, and his current attempt to hide his feelings in order to offer her his support.

"You still can't flirt with my sister, and Lexie, you can't flirt with him either," Meredith told her.

"Xena and Xena 2…aptly named," Mark laughed, and everyone followed.

"Ok, Mer, tell us, about fly fishing and why you get to brag," Alex asked.

"Well, I'm not going to necessarily brag…" she said, and smiled at Derek.

"Yeah…you are," he said in resigned to the inevitable.

"Well, there was this fly fishing excursion, and I called and set it all up for Derek, and I was just going to go along, you know sit by the river bank," she said and explained all about the plans, and how she had agreed to try right before they went back to the lodge, "and I actually enjoyed it, of course, it was the first time I'd gone fly fishing, and Derek was a great teacher…he taught me just how to cast the perfect line," she teased him, "I mean after all, he's been doing this for so long, and it was the first time I tried, but honestly, he showed me just the way…"

"Meredith…" he teased her, "sweet talking me isn't going to work…"

"I'm not doing that…" she said seriously, doing everything possible not to smile.

"Uh huh…"

"Well, then I get in the water, and Derek had all the different flies, that's what they're called, right," she said turning to him.

"Oh…Shep, she caught the biggest fish…" Mark's laugher filled the room.

"Mark, let me finish the story," she admonished.

"I can't believe you went fly fishing," Cristina interrupted, "and you're excited about it."

"Don't knock it…it's…well, Derek and I are going back."

"You're going back fly fishing with Dr. Shepherd?" Alex asked.

"Uh huh…just not to that spot, they have bears roaming lose there."

"Bears…bears…seriously Mer, you saw bears…" Izzie chimed in.

"Oh God," Derek groaned.

"That's another story," Meredith told them, "anyway, Derek showed me all the flies," she smiled sweetly at him, "and what they were used for, and the most effective ones, so I chose one…"

Derek was watching her, pleased she was enjoying herself, and he looking like a fool hardly mattered. "Let me make it easier for you…Meredith, since you don't really want to brag."

"You're…" she stopped, "Derek…you're ok with me telling the story," she asked him, not wanting to hurt his ego too badly.

"I'm perfectly ok…with you bragging…this time," he caressed her hand with his thumb, "she picked the absolute worst possible fly and I tried to talk her out of it."

"Derek was certain I'd never get a bite, but it was so pretty, so I used a humpy red…"

"Oh God," Cristina muttered, "she knows the names, Shepherd what have you done to my person."

"My humpy red…was perfect, I cast the line…with Derek's help of course," she smiled at him, "and before I knew it…the line was pulling…and I caught the biggest rainbow trout…even the guide said, they don't normally catch such a big fish," she continued, "and they packed it…and we brought it home, and Derek's going to cook it for us…"

"I am…I'm going to cook it?"

"Of course you are…we agreed, I catch the fish…you cook…and I…" she teased him, and laughed, and leaned over and kissed him.

"Yes…I am cooking the fish," he smiled… "definitely cooking the fish."

"That wasn't too much bragging," she asked him, "was it?"

"Not at all…you earned it," he said.

"May I say, you two have become downright …sappy and sentimental, and Shep, it's embarrassing," Mark teased them, and Derek understood his friend was helping him to shift the bittersweet mood that had existed.

"You're jealous…Mark," and meeting his gaze, mouthed, thank you.

Mark reached for his phone and read an incoming message and smiled, "ok…Stevens, dinner was great, I'm going to call it a night here."

"Call it a night…or the night's just getting started," Lexie teased him purposely, knowing it could get a reaction from Meredith, and she wanted to maintain the lightness of the conversation.

"Lexie," Meredith sure enough commented.

"Come on, Grey…leave your sister alone, and be a good hostess and show me out," he said, letting her know he wanted to talk to her, and Derek got the message.

"Dr. Sloan, do you want dessert before you leave, I baked Mer's all time favorite chocolate cakes."

"Izzie, I think it's safe to say…he'll skip this dessert…" Derek countered.

"Not so brainless…Shep," Mark laughed, and started to walk out of the kitchen followed by Meredith, and they stood by the front door.

"Mark, I'm glad you stopped by," Meredith said, "thank you for talking to Derek…going to see him, I think he needed that."

"Grey, you know what he really needs?" he asked and waited for her reaction.

"What?"

"He needs to know you're going to be ok."

"We talked about it, earlier…we've talked about it, after you saw him."

"Good…but, you should know, he's worried about you, and feels he's not helping you."

"He said that…"

"Yeah, he did."

"He's been wonderful, he is helping me, I could not have gotten through this without him…what do I do…how do I make him understand that…"

"Talking, Grey…that's all you two need to do, talk to each other, be there for one another…nothing else is needed, I know you will be fine."

"Thank you, Mark…thank you for everything," she said, and reached up to kiss his cheek.

"You're my family too you know…you and Shep …"

"You are, Mark…you are family, you being here tonight, made it perfect," she said

"Meredith, Lexie and I…we're playing around, you know that…right?"

"I hope so," she said, reverting to the role of older sister.

"It was hard for her, we've talked a lot… what happened, you losing the baby…it affected all of us."

"I'll talk to her…I will, it's just hard…right now…I'm feeling not so happy…"

"I understand that, we all do, just remember, you don't have to do this alone, neither of you do," he said and reached out to hug her, just as Derek walked in.

"Sloan…I thought I made it perfectly clear, what would happen if you attempted …"

"Don't be an ass," he said "she's going to be your wife."

"Yeah…well, we don't have a really great track record…"

"Derek…I thought you trusted me," she told him.

"I do…I actually trust you both," he said, and put his arm around her waist, "thanks Mark, for today…and being here tonight, it meant our whole family was here."

"You two…just talk to each other ok…"

"We will," she said, and held Derek's hand.

"And, Shep, don't keep me waiting too long…I don't want to have to call Kathleen."

"She won't tell you a word, she knows you can't keep a secret."

"We'll just see about that," he laughed, "Meredith…both of you, get some rest."

"Good night Mark," they said simultaneously.

They walked back to the kitchen table, where Izzie had already served dessert.

"This looks really good Iz," thanks for dinner, everything was great.

"I'm better at baking Mer…and it's your favorite cake…you know…way back when," she smiled and looked at Derek.

"Uhmmm…so I get to taste that cake," Derek quipped.

"I guess you do," Meredith laughed lightly.

"You told him, Mer he knows about this cake?"

"He knows," she smiled.

"Well, Dr…Derek…crap, this is getting very confusing…having you here…and all…and what to call you…" Izzie said.

"Why don't we make it easy, when we're in private, like this, Derek it is."

"That's actually a bit odd, Dr. Shepherd…" George told him.

"Well, George, it's up to you…Shepherd's fine too."

"That might be better, sir…"

"Dude, stop being so formal, he just told you first name's fine, you can drop the sir," Alex added.

"Whatever you're comfortable with George, that will be fine."

"You sure," they heard Cristina say a bit sarcastically.

"Cristina, don't you dare," Meredith defended.

"I was only thinking of names you call him…"

"Enlighten me Cristina," Derek asked her.

"Derek, you already know all of them…she's just being her mean nasty self," Meredith said, giving her a threatening look.

"Uhmmm…so they're mean and nasty names…" he teased Meredith.

"They are not…"

"Mer, I think that calling him a …"

"Cristina…" Meredith raised her voice.

"What? He wants to hear it, right Shepherd?"

"I'll let her used them Cristina, don't worry, I'm sure she'll have the opportunity."

"No doubt in my mind," Cristina told him, and earned a scowl from Meredith.

"You know if you can't be nice to Derek, then…"

"Meredith," he said, "it's ok, she doesn't mean anything by it," he said.

"He's right Mer, just small talk."

"Yeah?" she asked.

"Yeah," Cristina responded, realizing her friend was genuinely in love with this man, and it was clearly evident he loved her.

"I want the two of you to get along," Meredith told them.

"We know," Derek and Cris said at the same time.

"Ok guys, I'm turning in, I've got a thirty six hour shift starting with pre rounds, good night, Mer, Shepherd…glad we could see you tonight, instead of at the hospital."

"Thanks Alex, for everything…maybe…maybe you can give me what you printed out, for me to read later," Meredith told him.

"Yeah…sure…sure Mer…I'll do that," Alex said. "Good dinner Iz, good night everybody."

"I'm going to turn in too. Mer…Doctor… well, Shepherd…glad things are going to be ok," George said, "I'll see you at the hospital…tomorrow."

"Good night, George," Meredith said, and went over to both him and Alex and hugged them, "thank you…both."

Derek noticed Izzie, Cristina and Lexie were not making any attempts to leave them alone, and he recognized the need for them to spend some time with Meredith.

"Meredith, I'm going to go up, take a shower, I'll see you in a bit. Izzie, dinner was great, and that chocolate cake as one of the best," he smiled at her.

"Glad you could taste it, it was about time," she said, and laughed, "that you knew that story, that is."

"Never fails to amaze me, the lack of privacy around all of you," he said smiling.

"Good night Cristina, you and Lexie should be really pleased, you got Mark to actually teach today."

"Oh, my God, Derek…he was amazing," Cristina continued… "I had no idea…"

"Ok…that's enough accolades for Mark…Cristina, you are really scaring me, sounding like a cheerleading squad," Meredith teased her.

"Well, it's true, he was…"

"Lexie," Derek went over to where she was sitting quietly, "you've helped her a lot…and I know your note meant a lot to her," he said and kissed her check.

"She said…we'd talk later, but, Derek, if you need something…to talk…I can be here for you too…"

"I know…Lex…and we both appreciate it."

"Derek…no more secrets with my sister."

He walked over to her and nipped at her ear, "you do know, I love bossy Meredith," he whispered.

"And…I love all of you…" she smiled, and nipped at his ear as well.

"Ok…this is my cue to leave, just as we begin the next round of…"

"Good night Cristina, I'm leaving," Derek said, and walked out of the kitchen.

"I really to have to go," Cristina said, "Mer…I'm glad you're ok."

"Wait, Cris…I want to say something…you and Izzie, we've been through a lot…together, and now Lexie, she's part of our family…but, I just wanted to tell each of you…in your own way…what you've done for me…and that you've included Derek, that means more to me than I can possibly tell you…and I don't know…I don't know how long it's going to take for me to forget…no, that's not right…I don't know how long it's going to take for me to deal with what's happened, and I'm sorry if I'm going to be getting on your nerves…but…this …this hurts so much, " she said as tears filled her eyes, "suddenly I found out I was going to be a mom…and I loved my baby…our baby…more than you can imagine…and then…without understanding why…Derek and I…our baby was gone…and I'm not going to forget…I'm never going to forget, but, what you've done…it helps…it helps to deal with the sadness and emptiness I feel right now."

"Mer…" Izzie said, "you need to talk about it…it's good that you do…and I'm here…whenever you need, I'm here to listen…or a hug…" she said, and reached out to her friend and hugged her and both of them cried.

"Cris," Meredith said, turning to her person, "what you've done…including Derek, that…that means a lot to me…because, he's not going away…Cristina, he loves me…he really does…and he loved our baby…and he's hurting too, and I have to help him deal with this too," she said, and her bottom lip trembled, and she felt herself embraced by her friend and it was ever so meaningful.

"I don't do this Mer…don't get used to it…but right now…right now…I needed to hug you too," Cristina said, and both attempted and failed to be strong and not cry.

"Mer…I'll see you at the hospital," Cristina told her, "Iz, all was really good, Lexie…I'll see you at six."

"Cristina," Meredith said, "one more thing…thank you…if I haven't said it in front of all of you…for bringing Lexie home weeks ago…I needed my friends and my person…and my sister to get through this…"

"She's ok…Mer…she's really ok," Cristina said and walked out, and Izzie followed with a quick good night.

"Lex…it's just you and me…"

"It means a lot to me…to be part of your friends…your family…"

"You're my sister…my rambling sister with that note you wrote…" Meredith teased her.

"I can't help it…I didn't know what to say…but I wanted you to know…if you need anything…I'm here…I want to help…both of you…whatever it is…"

"Lex…" Meredith said, as she stood by the kitchen counter, "it was a little girl…your godchild…she was a little girl," she said in a broken sob, and Lexie reached out to her and both sisters cried.

"Meredith…I'm so sorry…so sorry you had to go through that…"

"I know…and I want you to know…when I asked you…when I asked you to be our baby's godmother…I was sure you were the right person to pick…and I still do…and one day…Lex…one day…if we have another baby…you'll be the baby's godmother…" she said, tears still in her eyes.

"Oh Mer…I'm honored…but now…you and Cristina…and Kathleen…and…I…I'd understand…"

"I want it to be you…my sister…just like I never thought I could love a baby…as I did mine…just a few days, Lex…and I loved that baby so much…and it hurts so much that she's gone…"

"Oh Mer…I'm so sorry…really…so sorry…I already loved your baby…my niece," she said… "a little girl…"

"I know you did, and earlier, you and Mark…I realized you had been talking about being godparents to our baby…but Lexie, you loved me, when all I did was try to keep you away…and instead, I found you gave me unconditional love…and I've never had that…ever…from anyone…and along the way…I discovered I had love to give to you as well…I love you Lexie, I really do…and if…if there's ever another baby…"

"Meredith…have you talked to Derek, about this…about another baby…"

"Not yet…in some ways we have…but not about godparents…to a new baby, but I wanted you to know…how much it's meant to have my sister by my side."

"Mer…it was so early…how…how can you know it was a little girl?"

Meredith smiled, "I had a dream Lexie…an unbelievable dream…and I have no doubts…Derek and I were going to have a little girl," she said and told her of her dream and meeting Kelly.

"Brianna," Lexie said, "that's a beautiful name…your own little angel Mer…I believe she is…and will always be with you"

"She will Lexie, I believe she will be…" she said and hugged her, "get a good night's sleep, I'll see you in the morning."

Meredith reached her room and found Derek laying on his side, facing the empty pillow on her side of the bed, but he did not hear her walk in, and she went quietly to his side of the bed, and got in bed behind him hugging him as closely as she could, while she laid her head on his shoulder, and gently caressed his arm, "I love you Derek."

"Hey," he said as he tried to turn on his back.

"No…don't move, let me comfort you as you do me…"

"Meredith…you don't need to do that…"

"Of course I do…we're in this together…Derek…it's a two way street…and tonight…tonight we've been through so many emotions…"

"Are you…are you ok…" he asked.

"No…but, being here with you…this is a start…to our healing…as we continue healing…Derek…we need to be there for each other, not just you, comforting me…it's your loss too…she was ours…not just mine," she whispered softly, and kissed the back of his neck…and down his shoulders, and held him closely, and whispered tender loving words of love.

"Meredith…I want to look at you…" he said after a while, and turned to face her, and both laid on their sides, looking at one another.

"You're on my side of the bed," she smiled.

"We can fix that," he said and reached for her and brought her on top of him, and their gazes locked, and they held on to each other and then gently he laid her on her side.

"Talk to me Derek…what are you feeling?"

"What …do mean?"

"You said Mark played shrink…"

"Uhmmm…and you've been crying…when you stayed downstairs…you were crying."

"You tell me about Mark, and I'll tell you about my conversations downstairs," she said.

"Fair enough," he said and caressed her cheek, "tell me."

"I asked first, Derek…so you go first…but, you should know, I called Mark…I asked him to see you, I was worried about you."

"I know you did."

"Are you mad?"

"No…I'm not," he reassured her.

"You sound like you are…please talk to me…" she said and continued to soothingly run her hands up and down his arm.

"Why Meredith…why did you doubt that I was coming tonight?"

She avoided his gaze, "I wasn't really…except it was late, and I knew you'd talked to Mark, and he'd sent me a text that you were ok, and on your way, but…you weren't here, and I'd told you Derek, this would happen, that my fears would rear their ugly head and you'd need to be here…that when I pushed away…you'd need to push back…and not let me…either of us…we can't let the other push or pull away from each other."

Yes…yes you did…"

"I don't want to do this anymore…the doubts…let's talk about it right away, please…let's not let the other have time for doubts to fester… we can't do that…not anymore, remember Derek…when one of us stumbles, the other one needs to be there…"

"We both stumbled today…" he said.

"Yeah…we did…but, here we are," she said and leaned over to kiss him lightly.

"Mark is right," he said, and then laughed, "oh God, the irony, that Mark…the manwhore would be right about his advice."

"He is…we need to talk to each other Derek…we can't avoid things."

"We…Meredith…we're talking" he said and brought her close to him, molding her body to his, feeling every soft curve of her body, and kissed the top of her head, and caressed her back soothingly until he heard her sigh in contentment, "we're going to be fine…you and I…are going to be fine…"

"For always…Derek…"

"Yes…love…for always…"

They held each other, words unnecessary; though they each had a sense of deep understanding and commitment to never allow the other to face their doubts alone.

"What are you thinking Derek?"

"Uhmmm…reading minds…"

"You're not the only one that can do that you know…" she said, as she wrapped her arms closer around him.

"Mark…when he came over today, I told him…I wasn't sure I was helping you…and I don't know what to do Meredith…I feel like I don't know if I can help…make any difference…"

"Derek," she said and pulled away from him, "you are going to make me very angry, not to mention making me cry again…"

"Meredith…I don't want you to cry…I don't want to make you sad…"

"I obviously have no control over my tears…but Derek…how do you think it makes me feel, that you think that way…when I've shown you…told you in every way I can that I could not have done this without you…that I love you…that you are my life…don't you think I feel like I've failed you …over and over…"

"But you haven't Meredith…you haven't failed me…but I have done that so many times..."

"Ok…you see, this…what we're doing…it has to stop…we can't continue to second guess each other…Derek, we can't…we've told each other how we feel…that we love each other, more in the last couple of weeks than the entire time we've been together, that's worth something Derek…something worth fighting for…it's everything Derek…it's worth everything…at least to me…"

"Oh…Meredith…it's worth everything to me as well…don't ever doubt that…you are everything to me…you…only you…you are all I ever need."

"Ok then…and when we have doubts…we talk to each other…ok…"

"Ok."

"Promise me Derek…"

"You too…"

"Yes."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," she said and kissed him, a tender healing kiss filled with all the promises they'd made to each other, and he held her close, until he heard her giggle.

"Meredith…"

"It's just funny Derek, I was thinking about Mark playing shrink…what did he do…what did he say…"

Derek was silent, as the answer would again bring up moments of sadness.

"Derek…you can tell me…I know it helped for you to talk to him…you can tell me…please, don't try to protect me."

"What are you…truly becoming a mind reader."

"I know you love me…and I realized after I asked you, that something was said at dinner…that it had to do with us…with us losing the baby."

"Yeah…it did…"

"Don't keep it to yourself…if we share it…we can share the burden…" she murmured, and he did, telling him about their conversation, and that Mark had called Kathleen and Addison to get their advice on how he could help them.

"He's been wonderful Derek…he's been a really good friend to you," she said, a tear rolling down her face.

"He's been a good friend to you too…he's adopted you already…as his sister in law."

"Yeah," she smiled, "and Lexie…but I swear Derek…if he flirts with her, or even slightly tries anything…he's going to answer to me."

He hugged her and laughed softly, "Xena two…you are so good for each other, Meredith, you and Lexie, I'm so glad you have each other."

"So am I Derek…I surprised even myself…with my feelings for her…but so am I, and I told her, earlier…I told her," she said, and related all the conversations she'd had while he'd gone upstairs to shower.

"We've had quite a day…love…a roller coaster of emotions," he told her.

"But…Derek, to be with you like this…right now…I wouldn't trade a single second of it…as long as this is where it got us…"

"Neither would I," he said and kissed her, then held her as she rested her head on his chest.

"Derek…" she said quietly, while caressing his chest, "I've been thinking."

"Oh…oh…"

"What…you don't know what I'm going to say."

"Yes, I kind of think I do."

"Really…know it all…what is it?"

"It's about Mark."

She was silent, because he was right, and before she had a chance to answer, he said, "cat got your tongue?"

"How did you know that?"

"I can hear you thinking…"

"That's fine Derek…but you can't read my mind…"

"Sometimes…Meredith…I just know things…"

"Well then, what was I going to say about Mark," she challenged playfully.

"You were going to start a whole conversation about him and Tracy."

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"That's kind of odd…it's exactly what I was going to say…"

"I figured…"

"You mean you guessed…you did not know."

"Not revealing my secrets…" he laughed.

"Oh, you ass," she punched him lightly.

"Leave it alone Meredith, he's already told you that."

"Do you think he's lonely?"

"How does he have time?"

"Derek, I'm serious…just because you have lots of sex…does not mean you are not lonely, believe me…" she said, and stopped herself, "sorry, that's not the best image…the inappropriate men…and all that…not the best thing to be talking about…with my future husband…"

"Ah…she gets it…even without that proposal she keeps telling everyone I haven't done properly…she gets that she's going to be my wife," he said.

"Derek…before you…nobody mattered…nobody meant anything…you know that…don't you? I never even thought I'd ever be somebody's wife."

"I know that…and the past…it doesn't matter Meredith…it's only now, and what we've shared, what we mean to each other and our future that matters…"

"I love you Derek…"

"I love you too…and I can't wait for you to agree to be my wife…"

"I kind of already have…Derek…"

"I know…but I can't wait till you accept my proposal…and…Meredith…it is going to be a surprise…"

"One more hint…" she persuaded with a kiss.

"Nope…"

"Derek…" she said, kissing him deeper…and her hands found her way down his thigh caressing him, taunting him just a bit at first.

"Meredith…what you're doing…you're playing with fire…" he said, and she stopped, as his growing arousal became evident.

"I'm sorry…Derek…I'm sorry… I should have…"

"It's ok…love…it's ok…but…"

"I have to stop…I know…"

"Yes…" he groaned… "for now…yes…"

"I'm sorry…really…"

"Don't be… hell that deserves another hint, even if a cold shower is likely in my future."

"Oh Derek," she said, and felt his arms around her.

"There's water…lots of water…and four letters…that are will be very significant."

"Four letters…" she repeated.

"Uh huh…"

"Well…what are they?"

"Let's see…V, I,P and B."

"I'm really good at this you know…crossword puzzles and all…"

"You just go ahead and try he challenged."

She thought a bit…and exclaimed very proud of herself, "of course…British Virgin Islands…" she said, and kissed him, "and you already told me, we'd be using our passports soon."

"Not bad…Meredith…not bad at all…"

"That's all you're going to say…"

"Nope…"

"What else?"

"I'm going to take a shower," and got up from the bed, "and earn some more dividends on my stock."

She wanted to laugh, but knew she couldn't, since she'd teased him into that cold shower, and continued to think about the other possibilities until he came back to bed.

"Are you planning on sleeping on that side of the bed," he asked, noticing she had turned on her side, her back to him.

"Do you want me to stay on my side of the bed," she replied.

"What do you think?" he said, as he spooned her, and gently caressed her arms.

"That you have tremendous willpower…" she murmured.

"Yes…it seems I do…but just think…soon…one day soon…"

"Derek…I made an appointment with Dr Wyatt for day after tomorrow, and Dr.Cameron, tomorrow first thing, my shift starts at ten."

"I'll come with you, to Dr. Cameron."

"You don't have to…I mean, it's just…just a follow up now."

"I'm going with you," he said, accepting no other options.

"I'm glad Derek…I'm glad."

"You said it earlier…we're in this together…all of it…from now on…we're in all of this together."

"I love you Derek," and allowed him to cuddle her, reveling in his embrace.

"Me too…" he said, and then nibbling at her ear, "even if you are a tease."

"Just you wait," she replied… "just you wait…" she promised.

"If I make it till then…" he laughed, happy with their conversation, their promises and commitments to each other, though in the back of his mind, in a hidden compartment of his heart, lay a deep rooted fear he hoped sleep would erase.

"Derek…"

"We really have to get some sleep Meredith…"

"One more thing…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Promise me one more thing…"

"Uh huh…"

"Derek, are you even paying attention to me…"

"Of course I'm paying attention, you want me to promise you one more thing…"

"Derek…when we're married…"

"Meredith…you better watch what you're going to say," he warned, while at the same time, nibbling and placing kisses along her neck, taking in the smell of lavender.

"It's silly, but Derek, promise me we'll never address each other as "husband" or "wife"…it's the worst Derek…the absolute worst… it's so silly Derek…I just," she giggled.

"Meredith," he laughed, "seriously…that's what you want me to promise?"

"I do…really, Derek, it's the most absurd thing in the world."

"So I can call you my wife…but never just wife…

"Well, I don't know why you would," she laughed, "it's not like we have all these pet names for each other…so…"

"Promised…I won't call you wife…ever…as a pet name."

"You're laughing at me, aren't you?"

"Just a bit."

"Oh Derek, I do love you so much."

"As I do Meredith…as I do."

AN 17 JUL -thanks for all your comments & sorry it took so long for an upadate, was away at a conference, and impossible to write with its schedule.

Please let me know if you thikk the chapters are too long, I'm trying to keep all related scenes/times together, but maybe I should make it easier on my self and keep to the 2500 words for each chapter. Next one, has to be all in one update, so not sure how short or long it will be, because after that chapter, time begins to move a bit faster.


	119. Chapter 119

**Chapter 117 – Spiritual journeys **

Meredith and Derek fell asleep in each other's arms, secure in the knowledge they were making extraordinary progress, as she had said earlier that evening, because in spite of the doubts that had surfaced during this day, they had also discovered the strength of their commitment.

In the midst of their current heartache, they had faced their issues, rather than avoiding, and though they knew each could falter, they also knew the other would be there, ready to offer a steady hand and loving embrace.

Weeks ago, a day that had begun full of hope for a future together had ended in heartbreak and despair, unaware they would soon face a devastating and unexpected loss that would ultimately bring them closer together, and heal their broken hearts.

Today, miles away from Seattle, their day had begun with hope that the road recently traveled had prepared them to deal with doubts and fears that would undoubtedly arise, but both were confident their love for each other would conquer any future adversities. Then, a small white garment made them relive the feelings of hopelessness of days before, but family and friends were there this time to further strengthen the bonds created as a result of one small soul who had been with them on borrowed time.

The end of the day drew near, as two legendary lovers succumbed too sleep, small doubts remaining in their subconscious minds.

She struggled to dismiss any doubts that arose, and be firm in her desire to trust him, while finally convinced he would never fail or let her down again.

He loved her enough to be willing to give up his own dreams, those of a lifetime, in order to ensure her happiness and that she would never experience the heartbreak he'd witnessed hours earlier.

Physically far away, though spiritually nearby, the energy of three souls recently brought together by the two lovers whose time for happiness had come, gathered closely determined to transmit reassurances to those they loved. Sometimes, it could be whispered words in the distance that somehow reached their mark, or their mere presence proving just a whiff once more of the ones they loved, and then oftentimes, it was through a dream that somehow would leave a lasting and powerful image that would forever change the course of lives, the course of destiny, the dreams of legends.

Meredith fell into a deep undisturbed sleep almost immediately, while Derek awakened with the weight of the world on his shoulders, and forced himself to hold her, and offer the comfort of his embrace as he felt the heaviness in his heart over the decision he'd made.

A father, a mother and a child whose life had barely begun, but whose soul would live forever, had a spiritual advantage in understanding the doubts and fears Meredith and Derek were experiencing, and in ways inexplicable but to those open to the promise of love beyond eternity, began to weave the message that each needed to see or hear. A message that would reach them both, one in a gentle loving dream, the other a harsh and rude awakening, delivered in the midst of sadness and disappointment based on decisions made in desperation in the middle of a dark stormy night.

Meredith felt she was being embraced in a cocoon of warmth and gentleness, and lost herself in the images that began to flash in front of her, like a movie with characters she at first barely recognized yet instinctively knew to trust the emotions she was feeling, and as a result did not notice when minutes later Derek moved away carefully and rose from the bed.

_The dream images were familiar, she'd seen this before, experienced this not long ago, and wanted to see more as she again found herself sitting on a rocking chair and hearing her name looked up to meet the familiar an intense blue gaze, but this time, it wasn't Derek she saw._

_"Mommy," she heard and followed the sweet childish voice, a little girl that looked so much like her, at least of photographs she'd seen of herself as a child, blonde and light curls framing her face but unlike the green grey shade of her eyes, she saw the intense blue of Derek's eyes. The voice pulled her, almost angelic, needing to hear what her child had to say._

_"Mommy…those are my brothers…and my Daddy…but I won't get to play with them, but my grandma and grandpa…they tell me I will always be close to you…you know that Mommy…right…but my brothers, they're really silly…just like boys…my grandma says…always…there's a word…it's a big word…but it means they're silly Mommy."_

_"Baby," Meredith said, "you are such a beautiful little girl…and do you know, I wanted to have you with me so much…and I'm so sorry, so sorry…you're not with me," she said, and she could fear tears slide down her cheeks and attempted to reach out to the little girl, who'd come to stand by her side._

_"Mommy…I know you loved me…and my daddy…and my grandma…she says she's sorry Mommy…that she didn't tell you how much she loved you…and that you're…you're…she paused biting her lower lip, and even in her dream Meredith felt the heartache of her loss, while at the same time her heart and soul began to heal, "it's a big big word…she told me…oh, Mommy, I picked a name I liked…cause I did something I don't think I was supposed to do," the little girl continued chattering, "the day I came to heaven, I thought I was a little angel, and went and visited a little girl, she was so pretty and she was just sleeping, and I told her to wake up…and that I was her friend, but I was really an angel…and she asked me my name, and I told her Brianna…but I don't know if you like that name, I hope you do Mommy…cause the little girl did, and she got all better…I told her she had to get all better, because her mommy and daddy were very sad, and my daddy helped make her all better…and she did Mommy…she waked up her eyes…really wide when she saw me…but she wasn't scared cause she knew I was just a little girl like her…"_

_Meredith whimpered in her sleep, but Derek didn't hear her, as he now stood by the window, the rain storm pounding on its glass panes with a vengeance, as his thoughts became darker._

_"Mommy…you're so pretty," the little girl said, and reached out to touch Meredith's face, and she felt a small hand wipe away her tears, "don't cry Mommy, I love you, even if you can't hold me or see me all the time, I know you won't forget me…I know you and my daddy love me…but please…don't cry anymore…"_

_"Brianna," Meredith said, and found that in her dream she could touch her little girl, and touched her curls, "that's a beautiful name…and your daddy and I will always love you…we did, you know…since the first day we found out about you…and you know," Meredith spoke, knowing somehow it was a dream, but never wanting to wake up from this moment, "your daddy, he knew about you first…cause I was really surprised…"_

_"Did you like your surprise, Mommy was it a nice surprise?" the little girl looked up at her and she got lost in the depth of her blue intense eyes._

_"You were my most beautiful surprise…in my whole entire life…you were my most precious surprise," she felt the tears flow, and her little girl wipe them away._

_"Mommy, I don't know how long we get to talk…" she said, and in her sleep Meredith willed the time to go on, "I don't want to forget," she said and softly brushed Meredith's hair with her small hands and then framed her face, "Mommy, you're not pretty…you're beautiful."_

_"Baby, you're beautiful too…and you know…I love you a lot…your daddy and I love you very much," she said, and reached out to bring her closer, as she continued to hold the newborn she held in her arms._

_"Mommy, can I tell you a secret," the little girl said with the same twinkle in her eye as Derek's._

_"You can share secrets with me any time," she said, and felt the soft whisper of words in her ear, and smiled, "that is a beautiful name…and I think your daddy would think so too…I promise you…if mommy and daddy have a little girl…that will be her name," she said._

_"Mommy…you're silly…of course…you're going to have a little girl…she's going to be my sister, and then when she's all grown up, I get to see her and my brothers and you and daddy all together in heaven."_

_"You are very sure of that…" Meredith smiled._

_"Yes Mommy, some things I can be very sure, cause my grandma and grandpa told me."_

_"Do you see your grandpa and grandma now?" Meredith asked curiously, even in her dreams thinking she might just be losing her mind._

_"Oh, yes, Mommy, they have been with me since I came to heaven…and Mommy they told me they are old, and they help watch over you and daddy…and I have another grandma Mommy…but she's not your mommy…but she's so nice…and she hasn't been here that long…not like my grandpa, and she said to tell you that she was there…just like…Lex…do you know her Mommy…?"_

_"Did she say Lexie," Meredith asked, even in her dream recognizing the wonderment of what was happening ,and smiling at the little girl who rambled as she did._

_"Uhmmm…" she paused, and seemed to look into the distance for an answer, "yes…Lexie."_

_"Are they all taking care of you?"_

_"Oh, yes Mommy, and lots and lots of angels."_

_"You're my little angel, baby…" she cried._

_"Yes, Mommy, but don't cry…don't be sad…I'm going to be close to you all the time, even if you can't see me…and if you're sad, will it stop…if I whisper in your ear that I love you," and she did, and Meredith heard a beautiful sound she would never forget, and throughout her life, there would be times she would swear she heard the very same sound whispering in her ear._

_"Mommy, I think I have to go now…but my grandpa wanted me to tell you something, which is silly Mommy…but he's a boy…so it's ok to be silly…"_

_"What does he want you to tell me?."_

_"Tell daddy and cat ...Mommy, see how silly that is…he said to tell daddy that cat is right, he always sees, I think that's the word, over them…and that daddy is wrong…that he is wrong thinking sad things…I don't know what that means Mommy, but he said it was real important to tell Daddy, and tell Daddy…that the red fly…is very good for fish…see how silly that is…Mommy…my grandpa talks about a cat and a red fish," and she giggled, and Meredith heard the echo of her own giggling sound reflected in her little girl._

_"Will you tell your grandpa, that I will make sure to tell your daddy…and that Kat will be very happy."_

_"Mommy," she giggled, "that is so silly,"_

_"That's very beautiful baby…your grandpa's message is just what your daddy needs to hear, and tell your other grandma, do you remember her name…is it Susan?"_

_"Of course Mommy, that's a really pretty name, just like my other grandma."_

_"Tell her that I love my sister very much."_

_"Mommy you have a sister? What's her name?"_

_"Lexie…she's here, and another sister her name is Molly, can you do that?_

_"Yes, but your mommy she's with me all the time, cause she's my grandma… and she wants you to know she loves you lots and lots…"_

_"Can you tell her I love her lots and lots too, and that I miss her," Meredith said, stroking her curls._

_"Mommy, you're silly…I'm not finished talking yet," she said with the confidence of a very smart four year old, "cause, Mommy" she said and whispered, "they're old and talks lots and lots."_

_Meredith laughed, and her little girl followed with her giggle, "You're not finished, well, that's good, because I love to hear you talk."_

_"Mommy…my grandpa…he says you should call my grandma that is there Mom…that she will really like that…can you do that Mommy, can you have more than one mommy?"_

_"I think he means that since my mommy is not here, it's ok for me to call your daddy's mommy that…do you understand that…are you confused by all your grandma's…"_

_"No silly, I'm a smart girl…"_

_"Yes you are…"_

_"My two grandmas and grandpa they say I'm one smart cookie, just like my mommy and daddy…but it's real funny Mommy, cause sometimes they laugh at you, cause they say you and daddy are being less… I can't remember…but something less."_

_"Brainless," Meredith laughed._

_"Yes Mommy," she clapped her hands, "that's the word, and it's silly cause you need a brain…right Mommy?"_

_"Yes, baby, you need a brain," she murmured in her dream, and prayed this one would ever end, and realized she had never loved the sound nor longed to hear the word Mommy out as much as she did now._

_"My grandpa told me…if you ever talk to your mommy, he didn't know if it was going to happen…but I did Mommy…he said to tell my daddy's mom that …wait…let me remember right…he loves her lots and lots…no wait…he said…something lifetime, they talk so much Mommy, but it was something Irish…which is so funny," she giggled._

_"You tell your grandpa that I will tell her, and that your Daddy…loves him very much."_

_"My grandma, she has a pretty name Mommy, but she used a really hard word…she said, she wants you to know…you're ex…it's ex something Mommy, but it's a really hard word…" she stopped, and just then, Meredith followed her mother's voice and saw Ellis in the distance._

_"Extraordinary…that's the word Meredith," Ellis told her, "and one day, you're going to be a wonderful mother…you didn't forget Meredith…you're extraordinary in my eyes…and your baby's eyes…and I'll make sure…I'll make sure she knows all about how wonderful her mother is … stop being sad…baby. Meredith, you'll always be my baby…even if I didn't show you, but now…from here…I can tell you…tell you how very much I loved you…and how sorry I am…for letting you down…but you are precious in my eyes baby…and I am so proud of you…and my heart aches for you…but don't be sad…don't be sad anymore…you're dreams will come true Meredith…you and Derek…your family…you're going to have it all," Ellis said, as Meredith suddenly felt the gentle embrace of her mother's arms._

_"I love you too, Mommy…so much…and I miss you…and I'm sorry too."_

_"Don't be sorry…I failed you, and in spite of me you are extraordinary, you are my pride and joy…just remember that…and when the time is right…and it will be…I promise you…the woman you are will become the wonderful wife and mother you are meant to be…and I promise you I will always…always take care of your daughter…Brianna, she picked that name you know…until the day you see her again. I love you Meredith."_

_"I love you too, Mommy._

_"Meredith," Ellis turned to say, "it's ok to call her Mom, she's just what you need, and I'm glad she's there for you, and she won't let you down."_

_"You didn't let me down Mom…you made me strong."_

_"I know baby…but I'm sorry…please forgive me Meredith, I never meant to leave you…I never wanted to leave you, and you were such a brave little girl, and you took care of me…and I'm sorry, I did not want to leave you…"_

_"I know Mom, I know…you didn't, and I love you."_

_"Mommy," the little girl said, "I think I have to go…but…don't forget to tell my daddy what my grandpa said, my grandma too…cause she mentioned my daddy's name."_

_"I wish your Daddy could see you," Meredith whispered, and while cradling one child in her arms, held Brianna close to her heart._

_"Mommy, you can tell my Daddy, you saw me…he'll be happy you saw me ...tell him I love him lots and lots Mommy, even if he's silly like boys…just like I love you lots and lots," she said and Meredith felt the small arms around her and as suddenly as the dream began it ended, but she continued to feel the love and embrace of her child._

_Meredith turned without opening her eyes, remained quiet remembering every single scene and image she had experienced, attempting to memorize her entire dream, and silently gave thanks for the gift she'd just been given. "I don't often pray, but you already know that…but now…right now…thank you…thank you for this wonderful gift."_

Instinctively she reached for Derek, wanting to share this with him, and found an empty space, and opened her eyes to find him, as she wiped the tears from her face.

"Derek," she said softly as she began to rise from the bed when she got no response. He was so immersed in his thoughts, he never realized she saw his body tremble slightly, his arm extended holding on to the window frame as he quietly sobbed, which made her rush to his side.

"Derek," she said again gently, as she placed her hand on his back and tried to soothe him, but all she felt was a sharp intake of breath, and he removed the hand from the window and brought it to his face wiping away the tears, "please tell me what's wrong?"

"I'm ok…go back to bed…I'm ok…" he said, as a flash of lightning illuminated the bedroom, as a rare and uncommon spring thunderstorm began to unleash its fury.

"No…you are not ok, and I'm not going back to bed without you."

"Meredith…" he pleaded, and his voice and his tone revealed such immense sadness, "please, just go back to bed," she had to keep from giving in to the need to cry herself.

"We agreed, we are in this together…and whatever…whatever you are feeling right now, you need to share that with me," she told him with determined resolve, as she wrapped her arms around him, and laid her face to rest against his back.

"Please…please…just…let me…" he said, attempting and failing miserably to keep his emotions in check, "let me figure things out."

She removed her arms from his body, and he thought she was walking away.

"Thank you…" he said, "for understanding," believing she was going back to bed, instead she stood in front of him, tears in her eyes.

"Derek…I could give in to what you're asking…and hide beneath the covers and avoid all of this, but I am not going to do that. We promised, Derek, we would not let ourselves push the other away."

"I don't want to hurt you…I don't want to see you hurt or in pain anymore, not if I can keep you from feeling any of that."

"I know you don't want to hurt me…but you will, if you pull away from me…you will."

"I realized today, I've been selfish, selfish in imposing what I may have thought I wanted, what I thought was important on you."

"Like what…" she asked.

The house…" he said, his voice trembling, "kids…"

"You…you think you're imposing those things on me…" she stood in front of him and forced him to look at her.

"I understand Meredith…I did …today, I understood what you went through alone,what you felt…when you lost…" he paused, "when you lost…lost it."

"It," she whispered, feeling she had been slapped, "it…" she whispered again, "you're now calling our baby it," she enunciated each word carefully, "what happened…what happened since we went to bed….Derek…you're calling my baby it…" she looked at him hear heart shattering, and then turned away…but, in a flash of time, remembered her dream, what she'd wanted to tell him, his father's message, and questioned him, one more time, "do you really mean to call our baby girl…it…"

Derek answered, influenced by the darkness of thoughts he'd been experiencing as he'd stood by the window for countless minutes, "you can't know that…you can't…you have no way of knowing it was a girl."

"But I do, Derek…I did, in my heart…within the depth of my soul…I knew it…and now, I have no doubts, and right now, if you think you want to keep from hurting, right now… I want to believe you are hurting so much, that you are feeling this loss as much as I am…and you don't really mean that…because, if you do…Derek…if all our baby was to you is an it…than…" she paused, composing herself, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt, especially after what she'd just experienced, but unwilling to let it go, "than all we've been through…all you've said…none of it means anything again…and all has been a string of empty words."

"Meredith…" he said, and she saw the sadness in his eyes, that he was as broken as she had been that morning, "we have to let go," he said, more out of his own guilt over what he'd just told her, than anything else.

"Damn you, Derek, you don't mean that…I know you don't… you loved our baby…and you love me…please…don't tell me she was an it…lie to me… if you have to…lie to me one last time…walk away if that's what you want…I won't hold you to any promises…but please…don't tell me, the pain I've been though…all we've shared, it hasn't been…it hasn't been…over an it…don't refer to our baby…as it…" she said, and broke down sobbing.

"Oh God," he reached out to hold her, "no…no…" he allowed the tears to fall, "she's not an it…our baby… Meredith, I'm sorry…she's not…I'm sorry…so sorry…I just…I don't want you to hurt anymore…I don't want you to go through any more pain…over babies, so, I need for you to move on…to be ok…we need to move on."

"Why Derek," she asked when she had calmed down, "why are you talking this way…what happened…what's wrong, since we went to sleep…what's wrong?"

He led her to the edge of the bed and they sat side by side, their bodies touching, and he reached for her hand.

"I've been thinking, a lot," he started to say and was interrupted.

"Obviously whatever you've been thinking, is clearly wrong," she accused him.

"You don't know that."

"Yes, I do…because, there's no way, you would have said those things to me before," she said regaining a bit of anger to her voice.

"You're mad?"

"Of course I'm mad. Do you think you can just wrap yourself in misery and dark thoughts, and then tell me all you have, and I'm not going to be mad, angry…and hurt..."

"Meredith, I'm only thinking about you, your well being."

"Do you think for one single moment, what you said to me is in my best interest…for my well being, you called our baby an it Derek, that hurt more than anything else you could have said."

"I don't know how to help you."

"That is definitely not the way."

"What do I do? How can I help you, you're so filled with sadness…and I understand, Meredith, I do…because I am feeling that same loss, but I can't…I can't put you through that again, not after today, when I saw you…when I heard you when I understood what you meant…about losing our baby."

"All you need to do, Derek, all you need to do, we both need to do is talk to each other, that is the only way we are going to make it."

"You…" he said with apprehension if not fear in his voice, "you're…you're thinking we're not going to make it."

"No. I am not. But, if you keep up with this, then yes, we are not going to make it."

"Meredith…"

"Don't Meredith me…Derek, I go to bed feeling I'm loved…and …"

"You are loved…I love you more than anything in the world."

"I am not a thing for you to love," she told him.

"Don't nitpick every word, you know what I meant."

"Then why do you get to nitpick everything…why do you get to hide behind those dark thoughts…and then say stupid things?"

"Meredith…"

"What!" she snapped.

"You're sounding as bossy as Kathleen," he smiled, attempting to get control of the conversation so they could discuss what he'd been thinking.

"It happens, when she has a moron for a brother."

"Meredith, I love you."

"That's not going to work right now."

"I guess not."

"Derek," she said, now softer, "I love you, and I know you love me, and we went to bed not two hours ago, and everything was fine, and then I wake up to tell you the most wonderful dream I had, and I find you by the window crying and immersed in dark thoughts. Tell me what's wrong," she said, and kissed his lips lightly, "please."

"I've had to think a lot, about everything that's happened, and today while I was out walking on my land…our land, I realized I may have been imposing my wishes on you…you told me, I remembered…that all I wanted was to have someone that wanted the same things I did, and I realized that loving you, means our future needs to be about what you want."

She was stunned that he brought that up, from that awful argument. "We've talked about this…what I want…what we want for our future…Derek, you're not imposing anything on me."

"I think I am…the house, that land, you may want to live here in the city, and I can do that, I'm ready to do that…all I want is for you to be happy, and kids…that's been my dream Meredith, not yours."

"You think…you believe that's true?" she asked, unable to understand the complexities of this man, as he spoke somewhat dismissively of his dreams.

"I understood today, that I can never put you through that again, I won't risk you ever feeling that way."

"Having kids, is that what you mean?" she asked to clarify.

"Yeah…I've thought about it a lot…and I meant it Meredith, when I told you, all I needed was you…that my life without you was merely existing…I meant that, and tonight…I …I decided…that the maybe …maybe the only way I can make you believe me, make you trust me again…is to prove that to you…"

"Derek," she asked, "what are you thinking, I don't like where your thoughts are."

"I've decided to have a vasectomy."

She looked at him in shock, "you what?"

"What you went through, the miscarriage, I understand, you don't want to go through that again, you don't want to risk that again."

"I never said that," she told him.

"It's ok, Meredith…it's ok, I'm ok with the decision."

"You are?"

"Yes," he said, without looking at her, as his heart became heavier while he gave up on his dreams, thinking he was ensuring her happiness.

"I see."

"I thought thought that would please you…that you don't have to worry about it…again."

"You did?" she asked gathering her thoughts to see just how she was going to respond to his obviously erroneous assumptions.

"We can get on with our lives, you and me…"

"We could," she said.

"Could?" he said

"Yes, but that would not make me happy."

"What…what are you talking about…you said…you could not go through that again."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," she said looking him in the eyes, "this is the very very last time," her voice quivered slightly, but it had strength to it as well, "the very last time, you will ever make a decision that affects us both, without talking to me, and putting me through the hell you've just done in the last five minutes," she said stabbing his chest with one finger, "do you understand that?"

"Meredith…what…what are you talking about? You said you did not…"

"I know what I said…I was sad and hurting and had just found the little garment, and her sonogram, and I told you I could not go through that again, and I meant the miscarriage, and Derek…I think my heart would break if that happened again, but that does not mean, I want to give up our dreams…your dreams…of a family."

"It doesn't?"

"No, you stupid brainless man…when are you going to learn to talk to me…I'm the one who is dark and twisty, and had abandonment issues, and mommy and daddy issues and all that crap, but you, Derek, do not get to make this kind of decision on your own."

"I thought…I thought it would bring you peace of mind…that you don't have …"

"Derek…that I don't what? I don't get to be pregnant again, we know these things happen, and you know I'm still hurting…deeply and I'm sad, but Derek…I told you …I told you my dreams weeks ago, of our family…I don't want to give up on that, on having our baby…feeling our baby move…having you hover constantly, to the point of wanting to kill you, " she said as tears slid down her cheeks, and she watched him intently as he did the same.

He reached for her hands, "and having you place your hand on my abdomen and feel our baby kick, and see your face the first time you hold our child, I am not going to let you give up on that."

"I was…I was thinking of you…of you being happy, not worrying about anything…not being pressured."

"I'm not going to let you give up on our dreams…Derek, that's what we've been working towards…Derek…the last weeks…eighteen days Derek…working towards our lifetime together…and our dreams…we are not giving up on that," she said, and she felt his arms around her as he held her close, and cried, "she's not…Meredith…she…Brianna, was never an it."

"Oh Derek, I know…" she said, holding him close to her, soothing his back, "I know…and she knows…she knows Derek…she does…"

"I hope she does, I never meant to say what I did. She's our little girl…"

"She knows…" she soothed, "Derek she knows," she said and kissed him.

"You are so sure of that…Meredith, you seem so sure."

"I am…without any doubts…and don't you dare call me crazy, but Derek, I had the most wonderful dream…and I woke up to tell you…and share it with you, and it was the most beautiful…beautiful dream…"

"Are you…are you still angry with me…or are you going to share it with me?"

"I'm still angry with you," she said, "and if you ever, Derek, if you ever make these decisions or avoid talking to me, or misinterpret what I say…and not hear me out, you are going to wish it was Kathleen hitting you across the head instead of me, because, I swear, if you continue to do this, I'm going to crack some sense into that brainless head of yours."

For the first time in hours, he felt the dark and heavy cloud disperse, and the weight lifted off his shoulders, "my bossy Meredith is back," he smiled, that McDreamy smile.

"Yes, I believe she is," she smiled.

"Meredith…I love you…I love you more than I ever though it was possible to love someone, I mean that….truly…please don't doubt that, and I'm sorry, about today, I'm sorry, I got so engrossed in my thoughts, and seeing you…seeing your pain, I really thought I was doing what was best…what would hurt you less."

"Well, you thought wrong…and you can't do this anymore, neither of us can Derek. Can you imagine if I had said yes…and avoided this, and we'd gone on with this deep sadness in our hearts, we can't do this anymore…ok?"

"Ok."

"I'd have to call your Mom Derek, and have her help me beat some sense into you," she threatened.'

"You'd call my mom, seriously?"

"She'd take my side."

"You're very certain of that."

"I have no doubts about it…"

"What's with this renewed confidence, not that you're wrong, but…have you talked to her again?"

"No…but she gets it Derek…she gets it…having the love of your life."

"Meredith…" he said a bit of confusion in his voice.

"Let me tell you my dream," she said, "Derek, if I never believed before…if I never believed in prayers before…I do now…Derek, it was the most wonderful dream," she said and kissed him, and in that kiss was forgiveness and hope for their lifetime together.

"Derek, remember the other night…the morning we woke up to take Kathleen to the airport and I told you I had a dream, that seemed really important, but I could not really remember…"

"Yes, and I told you if it was important, you'd remember it," he said, stroking her hair gently, and leaning in to kiss her.

"I want you to hold me," she said, as they sat next to each other, bodies touching, "but I want to look at you, to tell you this…" she said.

"We can certainly solve that," he said and rose and scooped her up in his arms, and carried her to the chair by the window and sat her on his lap.

She placed her arms around his neck and held him close to her, and first trailed kisses down his neck and then murmured against his lips, "why didn't I think of that."

"I don't think you could have carried me to the chair," he teased her, and kissed her softly.

"I'll leave that to you," she kissed him back.

"My pleasure."

"Derek, it really was…important and beautiful…"

"Tell me."

"I have to tell you first, Derek, when we found out from Dr.Cameron, that day..."

"Meredith…I don't want you to be upset…please…"

"I won't…I won't promise I won't cry, but Derek, I feel a sense of comfort and peace…after tonight…I do…that it's going to be ok, the dream it made me sad sometimes…but…mostly happy Derek…I had the dream again, but this time it was longer…and I could tell when I was dreaming…I just wanted for it never to end."

"What was your dream and why did it make you believe in prayers?"

"Derek, when you went to talk to Kelly's parents, the day the chief came in and told you about it, remember I stayed in your office?"

"I remember. I don't think I will ever forget," he said sadness reflected in his eyes.

"It's ok…really," she said and brushed his lips with hers, "that day, I was there…after…after you left, I really could not stop from crying…"

"Meredith, you don't have to…"

"I do…I do…so you understand, Derek, I talked to our baby…and said so many things…and I told her…" she repeated word for her what she had said, "and then Derek, I prayed so hard that she would be ok…but if she couldn't, if we were not meant to have her, but I didn't know it was a little girl then, that God take care of her, and that she would know how much we wanted and loved her," she said, and he wiped the tears from her eyes.

"I'm sorry…so sorry…your prayer wasn't heard…that we couldn't have her," he said, and caressed her softly.

"I felt the same way…but tonight, Derek, my prayers were answered, because, in my dream Derek, it was our little girl, and she is beautiful…she is…and at first it was funny, because it was like looking at one of my old photos at four year's old, but when I looked in her eyes, she has your eyes, Derek, she had you eyes…and the twinkle that makes me love you so…so much…and doesn't ever let me say no to you," she said.

"Meredith…are you sure…sure you want to talk about this…you're upset."

"No, I'm fine…I told you I would not be able to do this without crying, but I'm happy Derek, I am, our little girl Derek…my dream…she talked to me…about so much…and don't you dare think I'm crazy…cause I'm not…and you'll see when I tell you…"

"I don't think you're crazy…I believe you can have dreams…like that…" he paused, and looked away, seeming lost in his own thoughts.

"Derek…are you ok?"

"Yes…you know, after my Dad died, I dreamt about him, a lot, and he would always give me comfort, and his words were full of love," but then it stopped.

"She spoke of him, Derek, our baby…she spoke of her grandpa," she said, and his eyes welled up with tears.

"She did…she spoke of him?" he asked in awe.

"She did, and Derek, my prayers were answered, because…somehow, that day everything I said to her, everything I wanted her to know, she knew…she talked to me about it…so I know…I believe Derek that He heard my prayers, and they were answered tonight…and maybe we weren't meant to have her here with us, but she will always be with us, and Derek…I know…that this could have torn us apart, and instead…"

"We found each other forever."

"Yes…for a lifetime and beyond…I know that now…Derek…I saw that…in my dream."

"What else did you see in your dream," he asked full of anticipation, believing and willing to accept she had indeed found piece of mind, and hoping they had reached the end of their overwhelming sadness.

"I was sitting on a rocking chair, looking out over our land," she began.

"Uhmmm…so, you were an old granny…" he teased her.

"What," she said and smacked him playfully.

"Well, who sits on the porch in a rocking chair except grannies?"

"I didn't say anything about a porch."

"But it was, wasn't it?"

"Yes…how do you know?"

"I envision our house with a porch…overlooking our land."

"It was…and I heard a voice…the first time, remember, my dream…it was one of our boys…and I looked up and met your gaze."

"Our boys?"

"Don't interrupt me anymore, or it's going to take all night to tell you."

"This time it wasn't one of our boys calling out to you?"

"No, it was her voice, our little girl…"

"Brianna," he whispered reverently.

"Brianna, calling out, and when I looked up this time I met her gaze, and she had your eyes, beautiful eyes, and then," she said and finished recounting her dream.

"My Dad," he said quietly, tears in his eyes, "Meredith…it was really," he said choked up with emotion, "it was a message from my Dad."

"I believe it was…Derek…I'm sure of it…"

"I know…I know it was…he always…always told my mom…I'll love you, Irish, for a lifetime."

"Oh, Derek," Meredith said as she wiped the lone tear on his cheek.

"That…it was a beautiful dream, Meredith…thank you for brining it to life for me."

"I had to share it…she wanted me to share it with her daddy," she said, and leaned in to kiss him softly and then wrapped her arms around his neck and snuggled up to him, laying her head on his shoulder.

"Are you going to tell my Mom?"

"Of course…unless you think …she won't think I'm crazy…"

"She won't, she had many dreams with my Dad…and her Mother and her Grandmother, we used to talk about them sometimes."

"I want to meet her Derek, I do…but soon…definitely not wait till we go visit," she said, as she continued to softly caress his chest.

"You want to meet Mom? Soon?"

"Yes…I do…she's going to be my mother-in-law…so yes…and I have a message to give her…"

"Ok, then, we'll have to work on that."

"But, don't surprise me…I need to be ready…"

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh..."

"You're ready now…" he said softly and kissed her.

"Maybe…maybe I am…"

"Are you going to call Kathleen?"

"Yes, but, I want to tell her this, in person…when I see her…"

"Isn't that a long time to wait?"

"No, they are supposed to be coming out here soon, in some weeks, so that's ok, but I don't think they are going to wait that long, Derek, I get the feeling I'm going to see them sooner."

"You do?"'

"Yes, and it's kind of odd, but I really do…so maybe…she and your Mom will come out sooner than we think."

"And you're ok with that?" he asked.

"Yes…I am…are you?"

"I'm ok with that," he smiled, and the darkness of his earlier thoughts turned to unexpected possibilities, and his grin widened.

"Derek…what are you thinking?"

"How do you know I'm thinking?"

"Your smile changed, and I can hear the few brain cells working," she teased.

"You know…you really should reconsider if you are not getting the short end of the stick here, getting stuck with a brainless man," and realizing what he'd said, started laughing, and she played right along with him, as she brought her hand down to his thigh and then kissed him deeply.

"Meredith," he said in a low hoarse voice in reaction to her playful hands.

"Just checking…to make sure…you know…" she said giggling, and he captured her mouth with his, and they were lost in kisses and caresses that spoke of their pent of passion.

The clock in the hall chimed at the half hour, just as Meredith and Derek realized they had to stop, "I'm sorry…Derek…I shouldn't have…teased you…I still…we need to wait a couple more days…"

"Hey," he said, kissing her softly, "I'm not complaining," he said, "my body is…" he teased her, his erection quite evident, "but I'm not…since you're promised," he said whispering in her ear, and making her giggle again.

"Derek…that's not helping you know…"

"What are you complaining about, I'm the one headed for the cold shower."

"You forget, we have two bathrooms…" she laughed, and leapt out of his arms, "I think a cold shower right now…would suit me just fine…" and walked out the door, and found the bathroom door closed, "crap."

"Hey Mer," she heard Lexie say, "I thought you were sleeping a long while ago."

"I was," she said biting her lower lip, "just woke up, and was hungry…"

"Really…" her sister laughed.

"Yes, really," she answered.

"Was Derek hungry too?"

"Yes, so I'm going to bring something for both of us," she lied and headed for the kitchen, and since Alex seemed to be taking a long time, actually fixed a bowl of ice cream for them to share.

Meredith got back to the bedroom, and Derek was already in bed, and smiled at her when she walked in. "Ice cream?"

"The bathroom was occupied," she laughed, and told him about running in to Lexie.

"God forbid she find out what a tease her sister is…"

"I am not a tease," she said and got into bed, and they shared the ice cream, until she started giggling, "unless you want me to be."

Derek grabbed the bowl from her and put it on the nightstand and started tickling her, "you are such a tease…love…and I'm going to make you pay soooo dearly…"

"I'm soooo looking forward to it," she said as he laughed and kissed her again.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," she said as he spooned her, holding her very close to his body, and entwined their hands.

The lights had never been turned on during their conversation, but the storm continued though the thunder and lightning was practically gone.

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh…."

"It's almost midnight, stop thinking…"

"You don't know I'm thinking…"

"We have been through this before…and you know I'm right…"

She smiled, "what do you think I'm thinking…"

"Oh God…I can just imagine a road trip with our kids…"

She stiffened slightly, "Derek…are you making fun of me…"

"Absolutely not…" he lied.

"You are…just because I've never been on a road trip," she said.

"Meredith…I'm sorry...I didn't mean it like that…I should have realized."

"Stop that…you can't apologize for my crappy childhood…ok…it's over…and after tonight…what my Mom said…I'm ok Derek…and I'm going to make sure my kids have that kind of childhood…with road trips and questions…lots of questions…and ramblings."

"Your kids…" he said, gently biting her earlobe…"is there something I should know about."

"Like I said…brainless," she giggled.

"So…you are planning on spoiling our kids shamelessly," he said caressing her arms.

"Absolutely not…they are just going to know how much they are loved."

"The will, Meredith…they will definitely know that…"

"One day Derek…not just yet…but not too far away either…you're going to be a wonderful dad…" she said, and brought his arms tighter around her, gently squeezing the hand held in hers.

"So…are you ready to tell me what you were thinking?"

"How do you know I haven't told you already, you keep me talking," she laughed softly.

"I know you…"

"You do…"

"Well…"

"What were you smiling about…when I said…I had a feeling about meeting your Mom and seeing Kathleen again sooner than we think…"

"I was thinking… you could be right…" he smiled, not willing to reveal a single thought.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"That is just not nice…talk about being a tease…"

"Don't go there…you'll lose," he told her and kissed the back of her neck.

"You're right," she giggled, and it delighted him to hear the melodic sound, and was thankful for this day. A day that began miles away, with hopes that turned to sadness and the pain of their loss had almost ended in despair as he'd made decisions on his own. But now, as they held each other close, they would fall asleep secure in the knowledge that they would face the future together, certain that they shared each other's hopes and dreams.

Nearby in the unexplained and mysterious spiritual plane, four souls smiled down upon their loved ones. A mother recently gone, watched over the two sisters whose bonds had began to develop, certain they would always have each other, and pleased she'd had time to plant the seeds.

A father saddened by the years he'd missed delighted in the presence of his granddaughter, and the knowledge his son had found his soul mate, the love of his life, and that somehow…Meredith would get the message to his love.

A mother filled with regrets, found comfort in her heart, knowing her daughter had forgiven her, and that she had become extraordinary, and now she had a small child nearby, a gentle beautiful soul that looked to her without the knowledge of the past, and accepted her grandmother loved her.

Brianna, a young gentle and loving soul, delighted in the love that surrounded her. She had so many that loved her, and far away, though always by her side her mom and dad loved her, and she giggled at some silly things her grandpa was saying, and her grandmother Ellis laughed along with her, and told her she loved her, and just because…she thought, maybe I can whisper in my mommy's ear again, and she did, and Meredith heard that voice again and smiled as she began to succumb to sleep.

But then, the playful child decided she should whisper in her daddy's ear too, and she did, and giggled when he heard her.

"Meredith…" he said quietly, " did you say something?"

"Uhmmm…sleeping…"

"You didn't say anything…"

"Like what…"

"I thought I heard…" and he stopped, "nothing…'

"What…" she asked sensing he'd heard the same whisper.

"I love you lots…whispered in my ear…"

She turned around and faced him, tears in her eyes, "I think you did…our baby…she said that to me too, in my dream, and just now…I thought I'd heard the same gentle whisper…when I was falling asleep."

"Oh Meredith," he said as he cupped her face in his hands and softly kissed her.

"I'm sure she did…Derek…I'm sure she did, because, I just heard it too," and both had tears in their eyes, as she laid her head on his chest, and snuggled in his embrace.

"We're lucky Derek…she knows…she knows how much we loved her."

"Brianna…she has a beautiful voice Meredith…a gentle loving little girl voice."

"She does," she agreed, as she felt his kiss on the top of her head.

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"For saving me…for being my breath of fresh air…once again."

"For always, Derek. From now on, we'll be there, to save each other…for always."


	120. Chapter 120

**Chapter 118 – Cherished Dreams **

The rising sun and ultimately its rays reflected on the bed brought warmth and comfort to the recently estranged lovers, that now, during a night interrupted with dark and stormy clouds, had encountered an unexpected spiritual renewal, and once again discovered the boundless depth of the love they had found in each other and were certain they would never again find themselves alone through a long sleepless night, longing for the other's embrace.

Meredith basked in the safety of his arms, hoping to enjoy this new dream as long as she could, until she heard a soft moan and then another, and then realized it was her own voice, as Derek nuzzled her neck knowing exactly what spots to kiss.

"Derek," she whispered followed by quiet moans, wanting this moment to never end and while still half asleep continued to respond to the familiar touch and feel of his lips on her neck, and then the gentle teasing bite of her earlobe, before she felt his lips on hers and responded instinctively**.**

"I want you so much," he told her, as he captured her lips and she gave in to the longing and need of weeks gone by without their usual sexual intimacy and the pleasure of each of his caresses, until his desire became evident and she immediately pulled back.

"Oh, Derek…I want you …I do…" she said kissing his lips softly, "but…I'm sorry…I we can't…not yet…I'm still…"

"Uhmmm…we can…" he said and captured her mouth again.

"Derek," she pulled back further, attempting to move out of his arms, "a couple of more days…I'm sure…that's all we need, but I'm still…still…we'll ask Dr.Cameron."

"Uhhh…" he moaned while reaching out for her and embracing her again, "Meredith… I'm sorry…sorry, I know we need to wait."

"I shouldn't have responded, Derek…but you touch me and I forget everything else, especially when you kiss me awake like that."

"At least I haven't lost my touch," he teased her.

"You definitely have not lost your touch," she teased right back.

"Uhhhmmm…I love you Meredith," he said as he ran his fingers through her hair, and kissed her lightly.

"I love you too," she responded quickly, "but…"

"But…what…" he interrupted, kissing her again, his erection pressed against her.

"Derek…" she pulled away reluctantly.

"Uhmmm," he said bringing her close to him again.

"Derek," she said breathlessly, "we could, I could…" she said, as her hand worked her way down his thigh, only to be stopped by him.

"No…" he said, kissing her softly, "it may kill me, but we'll wait…this is not about me…it's about us…when we make love again…it has to be about us…about satisfying each other fully…not just me…"

"I love you Derek…I really do…but then…" she said, "we have to stop…unless you're trying to break a record…"

"You mean for cold showers in a twenty four hour period," he said and they both were able to laugh, but he continued to hold her.

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"We should get up…"

"There's a long while before we need to get up…"

"When's your first surgery?"

"This afternoon."

"Really?"

"Uh huh…"

"Why?"

"I've been gone a few days, wanted to make sure I could get some work caught up in the morning."

"Derek, when are you going in?"

"With you. You start at ten, so I guess we should be there by nine to see Dr.Cameron."

"They said just to come in by nine fifteen, that he'd fit me in," she said a bit distant.

"Hey…are you ok?" he asked as he ran his fingers through her hair, and kissed her lightly.

"Yeah…I'm fine…"

"Fine?"

"Don't worry about me…I'm ok," she said and kissed him back softly.

"I'm always going to worry about you, just as I imagine you will worry about me, when you realize something is not quite right," he told her and pulled her closer in his embrace.

"I love you Derek."

"Ah…so she reverts to my own tactics…" he teased her.

"Are you admitting to yours?" she pulled back and looked at him raising her eyebrow slightly.

"Today is your first day back at work, it may not be an easy day for you."

"So…not answering my question," she hugged him, "it's your first day back too."

"How about we go back to my place tonight?"

"I have to be back at eight tomorrow…"

"That's ok…I'll drive you."

"Derek, you can't continue to drive me all the time."

"If our schedules work, why not?"

"You're being…"

"Over protective?"

"Maybe…"

"You said I could take care of you…"

"You have…you've taken very good care of me…" she said, and then added very quietly," "you took very good care of us."

"Meredith…" he said as he gently caressed her back, "you took care of her too."

"She'd be here Derek…if I had done that."

"Meredith, you can't do this…you can't second guess what happened, you took care of her from the moment you realized you were pregnant."

"You really think so?"

"I really do."

"Derek…"

"Tell me…tell me what you're thinking…what's on your mind?"

"Last night."

"Uhhmmm."

"Can we talk about it?"

"What about last night?"

"When, why," she said and was interrupted by a knock on the door.

"Lexie, come in," she said.

"It's not Lexie, it's Izzie."

"Come in," Meredith responded, without moving out of his embrace.

"Good morning, Mer, Derek, I'm making breakfast and just wanted to ask if you were joining us or I should leave something for you, I have to leave in about 20 minutes, shift starts at eight."

"Thanks Izzie, we don't need to leave here for another hour maybe longer, so I'll fix something for us," Derek told her.

"Iz…" Meredith said, raising her head from its resting place on his chest, "you knocked, you never knock…"

"Lexie…she sort of gave us a lecture about knocking, and she's right…you need privacy, we all do…so I figured, Derek was here and it's the right thing to do."

"So, if Derek was not here…" Meredith posed the question.

"We all agreed we had to knock…"

"Thanks Iz, we appreciate it, and the breakfast, I'll see you at the hospital."

"Bye Mer, Derek."

"Seems like Xena is taking her role very seriously," he laughed.

"I can't believe she knocked."

"It always bothered me, so I'm glad she said something."

"You could have said something, Derek…"

"It was your house…your friends."

"Derek…" she laughed, "even the chief, didn't knock…"

"And look at how well that turned out," he said gruffly.

"You can't stay mad at him."

"He was an ass."

"He's still the chief, Derek, but more important, he's been your friend."

"How can you be so forgiving all the time?"

"Would you prefer I hold a grudge? What good will that do?"

"Fine," he said.

"Fine," she said, and hugged him.

"I don't want to waste our time talking about him. We have another thirty minutes at least to spend with each other, just like this."

"Derek, before, when Izzie came in, I'd like to talk about something you said last night."

"We can talk about anything you like."

"When did you decide you wanted to have a vasectomy?"

He was silent and then cleared his throat, "I've been thinking about it for a while now."

"You what? Why?"

"I want you to be happy."

"And you think, you thought that would make you happy," she said pulling away from him slightly.

"Please," he urged, "don't pull away from me."

"I'm not, I want to look at you," she said and turned on her side and met his gaze, at the same time as she laced her fingers with his, "I want to understand why you would think that."

He took a deep breath, "the night," he cleared his throat again, "the night … the argument about why…you asked me if I had known…"

"If you would have still kissed her," she finished for him.

"Yes, that night. We said so many things, some which almost pulled us apart, our misunderstandings…we bared our souls and yet we almost had everything fall apart around us…and I realized the depth of the pain I had caused you…"

"Derek…don't, don't go back…"

"We have to, you asked and since that night, it was the beginning of many ups and downs, but it was also the beginning of really communicating with each other no avoiding talking about things, and now, your question, it's very important that you understand."

"Ok," she said gently squeezing their entwined fingers.

"I told you, asked you what I needed to do, how I could prove to you I would always be here, that I was not walking away…that I would give up my dreams, and I meant that, I knew that I would do whatever it took for you to be happy, not pressured into accepting my idea of what our life should be, because, Meredith, my life without you…it would be an empty shell, and I would do whatever I need to do to make you happy."

"But…I told you…giving up…giving up our dreams, that's not what I wanted."

"I know you did, but the last few weeks, Meredith, seeing you…seeing you in pain, hurting over losing the baby, and then today, when you said you could not go through that again…I realized I would never ask you to risk it again, and I thought, I began to think that was the only way to make sure I never saw that kind of sadness and pain in your eyes again," he said, finally "that would be the only way I could prove to you, that you…only you matter, that you make my life complete."

"Oh, Derek…I love you…I do…that you would give up your dreams for me…I would never ask that of you…but that you thought of it…that, that's…" she allowed the tears to fall, "you are the only person that has ever put me first…but…do you remember…

Derek, do you remember, when you told me your dream was to make mine come true?"

"I do…" he said, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Are you sure?"

"Uh huh," he answered, unable to say anything else.

"Don't ever forget it," she said softly, leaning in to kiss him, tears mingled on their lips, "because…Derek, long ago, your dreams became mine…marrying you, having kids with you…building a house…growing old with you…sharing a lifetime, that's my dream."

"I couldn't risk it…after this morning…I couldn't…couldn't see you cry anymore."

"Derek, you're going to see my cry again, I'm sure…but Derek, even…even with losing her, she made me love her…she made me love her so much, and before I knew about her, I never imagined how much love I would have for a tiny little baby…I never got to meet, but Derek…I'm glad I had her, I am…even if for just a few days…I'm glad I had her."

"I'm glad we had her too, Brianna, our first baby," he whispered.

"Our first baby…my first beautiful and priceless surprise…" she said softly, and though she could not hide her tears, she did smile. "And one day…Derek…one day…I want to have another baby, I want the love we have for each other, just like that day…that afternoon, what we felt for each other we she was conceived, I want other babies, other babies conceived as a result of the love and passion we feel for each other and cherish those memories forever."

"I love you Meredith, and I'll do whatever I have to…to make your dreams come true."

"I think…there's only one thing you need to do for that to happen," she teased, "just maybe a lot of practice…"

"Thank you…thank you," he said his voice filled with emotion, "for not letting me pull away…for pulling me back from my dark thoughts, when I wanted to be left alone."

"Derek, we've been through hell…the last three weeks…eighteen days of hell, but, also happy moments and love, and most important we found each other…Derek, for always…and we promised each other…we promised we would not let the other push or pull away."

"We did…Meredith…through all that we have each other for always."

"And Brianna, Derek…that dream I had, it brought me peace…it did…my heart and soul are at peace and healing…knowing we'll have her with us…beyond this lifetime."

"She brought me that as well Meredith, through you…the message from my Dad…our little girl," he choked up, "you telling me she called me daddy," he said, "thank you…for giving me that."

"It wasn't me…she did Derek, Brianna and your Dad, my Mom and Susan…they gave us that…the hope to believe they are with us always…a dream to cherish always.

"A cherished dream…" he murmured and leaned in to kiss her, and in that kiss they shared the depth of the love they felt for each other, once again making promises with each touch, each caress, each gentle and longing stroke of their tongues spoke of the future hopes and dreams they would spend a lifetime fulfilling.

"Derek," she said breathlessly, "now…" she paused, brushing his lips again, "now we do have to get going…or we're going to be late…"

"Good news is," he said, "the water utilities," his breathing labored, "the additional dividends from water utilities," he said, and their laughter echoed throughout the room.

"Derek, there's one more thing," she said a bit more serious.

"What?"

"Were you going to tell me…about getting a vasectomy, were you going to tell me?"

"Of course I was going to tell you, Meredith, I had made my decision, I had accepted that for myself, but …I was going to talk to you…it wasn't something I could do without talking to you, but I needed you to know I would be willing."

"Derek…all those decisions…big and small, we have to talk to each other…if it's going to affect our lives, the other's life…we need to talk."

"We will, I promise you, we will always talk."

"Don't forget that Derek," she stated emphatically.

Meredith showered and made her way downstairs to the kitchen, "well don't you look like the cat that swallowed the canary."

"Lexie, good morning…isn't it early for you to think of these things, these sayings?"

"I don't think of them Mer, I just use them."

"What are you doing later, do you want to have lunch with me?"

"Is everything ok?"

"Everything is fine, I just want to have lunch with my sister."

"What about Derek?"

"What about me," he said walking in to the kitchen and Meredith handed him a cup of coffee.

"I asked Lexie to have lunch with me, and she asked …"

"Xena…you can have lunch with us," he said smugly.

"No, she can't, because I'm having lunch with her."

"So, I'm not invited…" he pouted.

"No…think it will be girl talk today."

"Be that way…leave me all alone…" he said bringing his hand to his chest pretending he was hurt.

"Derek, stop the nonsense," Meredith told him, and laughed, "you reminded me of the day Viper kissed me."

"Meredith, you know how to wound me," he said.

"Who's Viper?"

"A very good kisser," Meredith responded with a smile.

"Mer," Lexie, "that's not nice…"

"It's ok Lexie, she's just getting back at me for saying I wasn't jealous," he said as he started to gather ingredients for breakfast.

"Who's Viper?"

"I'll tell you at lunch, run along or you're going to be late."

"So…he was a very good kisser…"

"But…" she said, kissing him, "your kisses are the ones that make my world stop."

"That's fair enough," he said, and laughed, then kissed her, "what do you want on your omelet?"

"The entire egg, none of the whites only crap."

"I didn't want to get into why I wanted to have lunch with her," she said suddenly.

"Why is that?"

"I want to tell her about my dream, about Susan…" she told him about their prior conversations and how she knew it would mean a lot to Lexie to hear it.

"You're right, I'm sure it will, and it should be the two of you only."

She gathered the rest of their breakfast and while they ate, she commented, "Derek, yesterday, when you'd already gone up to bed, Lexie and I talked, and I told her…I mean, I didn't think you'd have any issue with it, but then she said, well she asked if I'd talked to you about it, and I hadn't so I should talk to you about it, there's no rush…but…"

"Bossy and rambling are back on the same morning…"

"Oh…shut up…"

"I love bossy and rambling Meredith, I love all of you…"

"I told her I was happy that I had her…my sister, and that I believed it had been a girl, Brianna…and when we had another baby, I still wanted her to be the godmother…I imagine Derek…she and Mark…"

"What did she say?"

"She thought I might want Kathleen or Cristina now…"

"But you want your sister…" he smiled.

"I want my sister…"

"It should be Meredith…it should be Lexie and Mark…" he said and reached out for her hand, and they both smiled.

The arrived at the hospital, each determined to hold up a brave front for the other, as they walked through the doors of Seattle Grace holding hands, an unspoken agreement that their relationship would not be on the back burner for any circumstance.

"Meredith, you know they are going to need to draw blood today, do you want us to do that in advance?"

"That…" she hesitated, touched by his concern, "that would be good."

He drew her blood, both remaining silent, but their eyes held each other's gaze, each remembering the hope they'd had the first time he'd done this many days ago.

"You ok," he said, as he rested his hand on her lap.

"I am," she said, placing her hand on top of his, "are you?" she asked, and he nodded, and went to place the vial in a sealed plastic bag she put it in her purse, and walked holding hands to Dr.Cameron's office where they were shown to his office immediately.

"Derek, Meredith," he said, rising from his chair and extending his hand to Derek first and then to Meredith, and unlike with other patients, seeing the vulnerability in her face uncharacteristically reached out and hugged her, "I am deeply sorry for your loss."

"Thank you," Derek responded, "that means a lot to us," and holding her hand went to sit in the two chairs facing his desk.

"Yes," she said softly, "thank you."

"Meredith, how are you feeling? Not just physically, but emotionally it's important for me to understand all of that, and I need to ask you several questions, detailed questions and if you would like to speak to me alone, I'm sorry Derek, but I need to ask her."

"I understand, Meredith…I can wait for you outside, if you'd like."

"No, I don't want you to leave…we said…we'd do this together."

"That's fine, I'm not going anywhere."

"I have to ask, there are some patients…"

"We understand Dr. Cameron," Derek told him.

"I realize this is a very emotional time, but there are some questions, I need to know exactly what happened," he said apologetically, and continued with his questions, while Derek held her hand, and she explained until he asked the last question.

"Dr. Cameron," Derek, spoke for her, "from what Meredith has explained," he said while caressing her hand, "it was a complete miscarriage, she was aware of that when it happened," that's why she was certain there was no need to come in until now, and that you would also be able to examine her to determine that.

"Meredith, when you called and spoke to Jenna you said you were concerned."

"Yes," she said quietly, "it's been six days, and I'm still, well, I'm still bleeding, and I thought it should have decreased by now, to just spotting, but it's still more than I expected, so I wanted to make sure everything was ok, I know you can check with an ultrasound."

"Yes, I wanted to speak with you first, and then we will do another transvaginal ultrasound and that will determine that it was indeed a complete miscarriage. But, I don't want you to worry, not all women have the same recovery process, and it could take another two or three days for the bleeding to stop."

"I wasn't sure."

"What is important to avoid infections, and I'm sure you know this, until this stops, you should shower, rather than bathe, no swimming pools…"

"I know…I knew that."

"And, I would say that once the bleeding has stopped, you may want to wait a day or two before resuming sexual relations."

She lowered her head and Derek cleared his throat.

"Surely, you two didn't think I did not expect that would be a question."

"Believe me, we'd have asked," Derek said, bringing a bit of humor to the situation.

"Derek," she scolded quietly.

"Meredith, it's perfectly normal, you two are young and clearly love each other, and it will be healthy when your lives are back to normal, and I encourage that. I've seen the two of you together, and the support you've given each other, some couples don't have that, but I can see this has only strengthened the relationship I saw the first time I met you."

"It's been hard," she said, "very hard."

"Yes, I know, and I want us to talk about is this experience, because it is very traumatic emotionally and physically to your body, and it is important for both of you to be aware that it will take a while for your emotions to return to normal, and we will continue to monitor your HCG levels, which could take as long as six weeks to go back to pre-pregnancy levels," he said and continued to discuss various aspects of these circumstances with them, and allowing for them to ask questions.

"Dr. Cameron, thank you, we appreciate the time you've taken to talk to us."

"Derek, it's what a good doctor should always do, but you both know that, because both of you have excellent reputations as very compassionate doctors."

"Dr. Cameron," Meredith said, "when you do this ultrasound, can you tell, will you be able to tell if there's anything…any reason that may have caused this…if there's something wrong…that it could happen again? Could I have done something to prevent it?"

"Meredith, you know, as a doctor, that miscarriages happen and most of the time there is no explanation, but I can assure you, you did nothing wrong, and I say that, because of the way you phrased your question. I examined you, and there is nothing physically wrong that alerted me to any problems, and I have no reason to believe this would happen again"

"You…you're sure?"

"I cannot foresee the future, but in my medical expertise, I saw nothing to indicate there was anything physically wrong. But, we did know that when you first came in you had been cramping and spotting and your HCG levels as well as the baby's heartbeat were lower than they should have been, but that was not due to anything physical we could detect."

"So, you think, if we want to have other children, it does not have to happen again?" she asked, and he heard the hopefulness in her voice.

"Based on my first comprehensive exam, and based on medical facts, more than eighty percent of women will have a subsequent healthy pregnancy."

"That's good right…" she said and squeezed Derek's hand.

"That's very good, and Meredith…when you think you're ready to have another baby, we will make sure to talk about it and discuss any questions or concerns you may have."

"Thank you, Dr. Cameron, you've been wonderful, and the day I came back to see you…that day…you were very thoughtful."

"You're welcome, now we will need to take your blood and I'll meet you in the examining room in a couple of minutes," he said and called for Jenna.

"Derek," she said extending her hand to him, and he rose to walk out with her.

She'd been able to hold herself together without crying in his office, but the minute she reached the examining room and changed and was lying on the table, the tears began to slide down her cheeks freely. "Meredith," Derek said, wiping the tears away, and kissing her softly, "don't cry, please."

"It's…last time…last time we were here, Derek…our baby…she was here," she said placing her hand over her abdomen, "her heart was beating…not as fast as it needed to, we know now, but she was…our baby…Derek…she's really gone."

"I know love, I'm sorry…so sorry," he said, as he kissed her gently, and smoothed her hair.

There was a light knock on the door before the doctor walked in with Jenna.

"Do you need a few minutes?"

"No," she said, "it's fine. You can do the ultrasound," and made no attempt to hide her tears as she grabbed Derek's hand, and he remained by her side.

"We'll need to take your blood after this," he said.

"Derek already did, this morning, it's there," she said, "I placed the vial on the counter."

She refused to look at the screen, "everything is in order" Dr. Cameron stated, "the," he paused, understanding the emotional aspect of his statements, "the miscarriage was complete," he finished, and heard her quiet and half broken sob confirming what she already knew.

"Meredith, remember what I said," he said gently, "and I expect you will be here again, when all I will see are happy tears."

"Thank you," Derek said, extending his hand.

"No thanks are necessary, take care of each other, and take all the time you need here," he said as he and Jenna walked out.

When he walked out, Meredith clung to Derek and sobbed, while he held her in his arms and whispered tender words "remember your dream Meredith…you said yourself, she's our little angel …Brianna told you about her brothers and sister, remember that…that's our future Meredith…I believe it…I have that feeling too…we'll have our dreams."

"We will," she said, sniffling, "you really believe that…"

"With all my heart."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too Meredith."

"Derek…I'll be better, about the crying, I will, I'll try really hard, but today, doing this…it was, I knew, but it was so final.

"I know that, and you cry all you need, just like he said, it will happen, and you know what," he said kissing her softly, "sometimes, I'll cry right along with you."

"Oh Derek…" she said, "Cristina may have been sarcastic when she first called you McDreamy, but you are…to me…you are…thank you…thank you."

"She was being sarcastic," he said.

"Oh yeah…" Meredith smiled, "I'm pretty sure about that."

"And to think I was warming up to her."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…I'm kidding, for you, I'm willing to take all her mocking."

"McDreamy…all mine…for a lifetime," she said, and lowered her legs to the floor and got dressed.

"Meredith," he said before they walked out, "we'll be back here again…and they will be happy tears, when we see our next baby."

She walked into his arms and embraced him, "we will, Derek, we will."

They were walking back holding hands towards the resident's lounge when they ran into

Patricia, "good morning Dr.Grey, Dr. Shepherd I was about to page you, the Chief would like to speak with you as soon as possible."

"Thank you Patricia, I will be there shortly," he responded curtly.

"Derek…"

"He was an ass."

"Derek, please," she looked at him, "don't do anything stupid."

"You think I'm going to do something stupid?"

"You are angry, you were, but Derek…we have to move on, and you saved her Derek, you saved Kelly, and our baby…our little girl…she was her little angel…Derek…just remember that."

"You know all the weak spots."

"No, I just know the man I love," she said, and leaned up to kiss him as they reach the resident's lounge.

"Call me, if you need me," he said, kissing her back.

"You too."

"I will. But not for lunch," he teased, and opened the door for her before he walked away.

"Derek," she called after him.

"What?"

"Call me…page me right away, after you talk to him."

"Bossy," he mouthed.

"But you love me," she smiled confidently.

"That I do," he smiled back.

She changed into her scrubs, and put away her things and was ready to walk out as Miranda Bailey walked in.

"Grey, I thought I'd find you here."

"Hi, Dr. Bailey. How is Tuck?"

"He is just fine, doing just fine, and he gets to see me several times a day."

"He's in daycare here?"

"Yes he is, and very happy about it."

"That's really good Dr.Bailey…and…are you, are you ok?"

"Yes…I will be."

"That's good, I'm glad."

"Meredith," she said, "come sit with me," and led her to the couch.

"Is something wrong?"

"No, I wanted to see you, before you start your shift, how are you?"

"I'm ok."

"Meredith, I'm very very sorry for your loss, I know you were happy about this baby."

"Oh…"she said, unable to respond to the gentleness and genuine caring voice of Miranda Bailey, and she felt tears gather and tried to hide them.

"It's ok, Meredith," she said and hugged her, "it's ok, you can cry."

"I don't want to…not anymore," she said softly.

"I know that too, but you tell that to your hormones, that won't be back to normal for weeks," Miranda told her matter of fact like, yet with the same gentle tone.

"Dr. Bailey, thank you, for all you've done, the schedules, the time off, thank you."

"We all care about your Meredith, we were all worried about you, and just so you know…straight from the Chief, whatever you need, both you and Shepherd, we're going to be there for you, to accommodate what you need."

"Thank you, all of you…all of you have been wonderful and so supportive, and everyone last night…"

"You had a nice dinner, with your favorite chocolate cake," she mused.

"You know about that?"

Regaining some of her old Bailey demeanor, "Grey…_I know everything_, when are you all going to remember that?"

"You certainly do."

"I got some of the cake this morning. They asked me to stop by last night, but it was impossible."

"I would have liked that."

"I'm here, Meredith," she said placing her hand on top of hers, "whatever you need, I'm here."

"Thank you…" she said, and wiped away a tear.

"Ok…now we have work to do…well, you have the pit."

"The pit…Dr. Bailey…" she whined.

"Yes, Grey?"

"Ok. The pit," she accepted, "but for how long?"

"Just today. Get you back on your feet slowly."

"I wasn't gone this long when…"

"You should have been, now go…you have interns waiting for you."

"Dr. Bailey, will you talk to Derek? He's trying to be so strong for me, and I had Mark speak with him, but he respects you a lot, he cares about you, your opinion."

"So do I Meredith, and yes, I will be talking to him," she said, and watched the young woman walk out of the lounge and then she leaned back against the couch and smiled 'you were right, Miranda she thought, those two are going to make it, God help our ears, if only we had padded walls in the on call rooms', she smiled.


	121. Chapter 121

**Chapter 119 – Predictable emotions **

Dr. Shepherd," Patricia greeted him, "he'll see you in a couple of minutes, he's wrapping up a conference call."

"Thank you, Patricia."

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm very sorry for your loss. I'm aware of the situation, but it has been treated with utmost confidentiality, and I did not want to bring it up earlier today."

"Thank you, I know Meredith will appreciate that."

She glanced at the phone, indicating Richard was off the phone, "you can go in," she said and smiled pleasantly.

"Richard," Derek said curtly.

"Derek, please take a seat."

"I don't know if that's necessary, tell me what you need."

"Derek, the board chairman has discussed…"

"You don't have to continue. You can have my resignation, forget the contract, we'll make it a clean break."

"What is it with you young people, always jumping to conclusions. Sit down Shepherd, I thought we got through that issue the other day."

"The other day, I said…"

"Sit down," Richard told him and could not believe the insolence in his attitude.

"Look Richard."

"Derek, we have been friends a long time. I was your mentor, I thought that meant something to you."

"So did I," Derek said, forgetting what he'd told Meredith that all had been settled and things were fine between them.

"Derek, I value that friendship, and I asked you here for two reasons, the first, and the most important to express how very sorry I am for the loss you and Meredith have experienced and to apologize."

"What was the other reason?"

"Derek, you are going to listen. I never should have put you in that position, and sincerely apologize."

"You did not leave Adele's side," Derek stated holding his emotions tightly in check, "but you forced me to leave Meredith alone, waiting for hours Richard. She has been through hell this past year, and you forced me to leave her alone, knowing," he paused and his voice broke when he continued, "she was about to lose our child."

"And that is why I am apologizing. I have known that girl since she was a child, and I asked you not long ago not to hurt her anymore, I held you responsible, but I failed to live up to the promise I made her mother."

"You disregarded our friendship, and the state I was in simply to earn points with the board."

"Derek, you know that is not true. I should not have forced you, but that is not true, there was a child involved, a four year old child that is alive because you were the only one that could save her life."

"She was about to lose our child, Richard, and you forced me…she had never had anyone be there for her, and this…she was devastated and you forced me to leave her alone," he choked out, and Richard understood the depth of the loss as well as the love Derek Shepherd felt for Meredith Grey, and he stood and went around his desk, and placed his hand on Derek's shoulder.

"I am deeply sorry for your loss," he said, and watched as Derek took a deep breath and pursed his lips together and closing his eyes nodded in acknowledgment as he closed his fists tightly, and then brought his right hand to his face and remained quiet before sliding his palm down his face and looking up at the man now sitting in front of him again.

"Apology accepted."

"Thank you," Richard stated, breathing easily for the first time in several days. "How is she?"

"She's devastated and heartbroken," he spoke quietly, "and all the while, she's trying to be strong for me."

"What do you need?"

"I'm not sure how to help her. Sometimes, I feel there's nothing I can do to make things better."

"You were away a few days, did that help?"

"Our relationship is stronger than ever, that is a good thing."

"Derek, how are you holding up?"

Surprised by the question and the genuine concern he heard in his voice made him forget the resentment of minutes before, "when I see her, and I watch her cry…I feel totally useless and a failure."

"I am sure she does not see it that way," he offered.

"I have a lot to make up to her," he said more to himself.

"I mean what I said Derek, whatever you need, if you think time off will help, we'll do that."

"Mark told me about the meeting you called, thank you."

"I screwed up Derek, and I value our friendship."

"So do I Richard, and that little girl," he said, and paused, "Meredith and I are glad I could help save her."

"You did Derek, you are the only surgeon who could have done that surgery within that very crucial timeframe."

"It's done. Let's move on."

"That's the other thing I wanted to talk to you about, the Board Chairman…"

"Wants to reprimand my behavior?"

"They damn well should reprimand your insubordination," he said, frustrated at the way he'd jump to conclusions.

"Richard, I've told you…"

"Shep, shut the hell up and listen. Apparently, God only knows how, the rumor mill around this hospital has even managed to reach our board members."

"What does that have to do with me?"

"Well, apparently our argument has led to speculation that you have resigned."

"I did hear something about that."

"Why the hell didn't you tell me?"

"I haven't been here, and we weren't speaking."

"Well, if you had let me finish my conversation when you got here, I would have explained I got a call from the Chairman in regard to you and Meredith."

"Meredith…what does she have to do with this, she wasn't responsible for anything related to Kelly's case."

"Amazing. You continue to jump to conclusions. You just can't help yourself, can you?"

"What did they want?"

"Whatever you did or said to the Mulligan's…"

"I did not say anything out of line."

"Can you please be quiet, otherwise we'll be here till tomorrow, and who said anything about being out of line."

"I don't get it."

"Did anyone ever tell you, for a brain surgeon you can be damn obtuse."

"On many occasions," he quipped, feeling the old relationship was on its way to being restored, "especially lately."

"The Mulligan's, I'm not sure if you are aware were one of the first benefactors of this hospital, and have maintained a board seat since the hospital was founded."

"I was not aware, though I recall meeting a Mr. Mulligan during the interview process."

"Yes, you did, John Mulligan is Kelly's grandfather, and his son spoke to the Chairman after you were here a couple of days ago, and as a result, I have been instructed to make you aware, that when I decide it is time to retire, there should be no search for a new candidate. You have already been interviewed, you were my selection and you will have first right of refusal to that position before any further attempts are made to fill it."

Derek was stunned by this information. "Richard, I don't understand, we did not discuss this, at all, in fact the conversation was more personal in nature," he said and repeated what he remembered, including the Mulligan's expression of sympathy to him and Meredith.

"That explains a great deal, Derek the Mulligan's first became involved in the hospital because John's sister as a child, could not be saved for lack of proper medical attention, and they lobbied for a hospital. They own one of the most important and successful construction companies in Seattle, and of course the fact you saved his granddaughter would have a significant impact on that family."

"Richard, Meredith and I did not speak of our situation. Mrs. Mulligan, Kelly's mom somehow understood something had happened."

"Whatever it was, not only do you have first right of refusal to being Chief of Surgery, which by the way, I was told I was not being encouraged to resign," he added with a bit of friendly sarcasm.

"Richard, I've not desire to hold that position, and certainly feel you are the best man for the job, for many more years to come."

"Thank you for your confidence."

"I respect you Richard as a professional, but I was just mad as hell at you, over something personal."

"I'm trying Derek, and I'll do what I can to make it up to you."

"Don't worry, I'm going to hold you to it."

"I have no doubts about that."

"You said, not only…what else was there?"

"I was told explicitly to ensure that Dr.Shepherd and Dr. Grey would never have a reason to leave Seattle Grace, match any offer you in particular are made and top it, and Dr. Grey should have no need to consider any hospital other than Seattle Grace

for her fellowship."

"I don't understand how all of that would come about from the short conversation."

"Neither do I, but I'm glad I won't need to look for your replacement, you cost me enough as it was to get you here."

"I'm flattered, but truthfully, I don't understand any of this."

"You saved John's granddaughter Derek, and that is priceless. In case you're wondering, Grace was his sister's name."

"Really, that appears nowhere in the hospital's history."

"It was enough that they knew, without revealing their personal tragedy."

"It's inspiring to hear that. I've seen far too many philanthropic gifts require all sorts of ovations and ass kissing."

"You did a very good thing Derek. You saved the life of a beautiful and very special young girl."

"I know Richard, it was the right thing to do. There was nothing I could do for our child, but I needed to feel I had not failed Meredith yet again."

"She loves you Derek, that's very clear."

"We've been through hell the past three weeks."

"What can I do?"

"Don't forget you owe me for calling Addie…"

"You're going to milk this, aren't you? But, Derek, at the time you were married and carrying on…"

"Richard, you wee a meddling busybody and should have stayed out of it."

"She was the best surgeon for that case."

"Bull shit…you were wrong in meddling, and if you hadn't…." he stopped, "you know what, forget it, it's done, but now…you can help me make something happen."

"What's that?"

"I want your word, this stays between us."

"You have my word."

"I told you, as soon as she was ready, I was going to ask Meredith to marry me, and I want this to be special for her. I want to take her to Italy, it's something that will mean a lot to her, and she doesn't even realize I remember."

"You're going to take her to Italy and propose there…and how am I involved?"

"We need a week off…the sooner the better…"

"You're really going to make me pay for this aren't you?"

"No, Richard, I owe her this, and I'll take a leave, do whatever you feel is necessary, but she deserves this, and I'm going to make it happen."

"You have the time off Derek, work it out with Miranda about her schedule."

"It's a surprise Richard, I don't want her to know."

"I don't even know where you're going," he said, "I may even make a bet on this one myself…how long before McDreamy proposes."

"Thank you, this means a lot to me."

"Our friendship meant too much not to fix this, as soon as you got here today."

"Or were you afraid I'd kick you off the land or the trailer park, as my sister joked."

"That wasn't important Derek, I hope you know that."

"I do. Thank you, again for this talk, and the meeting you called."

"Shep, how soon are you planning on taking that week?"

"Three…four days from now at most."

"You both deserve to be happy…I'm glad…I can have a small part in this, and hope we, you and I can put this behind us," he said, and Derek nodded his head as he rose from the chair and then extended his hand in acknowledgment.

"Have a good day Patricia," Derek smiled as he walked out.

"Thank you, you too Dr. Shepherd," she said and walked in Richard's office.

"Chief, I take it that went well."

"It did Patricia, very well."

"Good. Apologizing was the right thing to do."

"How do you know that?"

"Because you should not have forced him, and I know you, and you knew that was the right thing to do."

"Any other pearls of wisdom?"

"No sir, just what did he get out of you?"

"It's confidential."

"I'll have to take care of it sooner or later."

"He's taking a week off, and so is Meredith."

"You got off easy," she said and turned around and left his office smiling, "especially since the resignation rumors were true, he did tell you he would."

Meredith was in the Pit and not thrilled about it, but it was good to get back to work, and her interns seemed to have missed her, she thought, but then again, although they had rotated, having Cristina as your resident for even one day would make them miss her.

"What are you smiling about?"

"Believe it or not Cristina, I was thinking about you."

"Why?"

"Because my interns were happy to see me, especially the ones that endured twenty four hours with you," she delivered the statement seriously.

"Bitch."

"Exactly," Meredith answered.

"Mer, I've told you before, leave the sarcasm to me."

"It's good to be back, Cristina."

"Yeah, you realize how much you miss this."

"Grey, Yang," they heard and reacted immediately, "there's work to do, this is not tea time."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," the replied in unison, and Cristina walked away.

"Meredith, are you doing ok?"

"Yes,Dr. Bailey, thank you."

"You can expect to be tired, if you need to take a break, please…take care of yourself."

"I will Dr. Bailey, thank you for your concern," she said and turned to go see a new patient when her blackberry vibrated.

-all ok with richard fill u in later

-you really ok?

-yes don't worry

-you made up?

-guess u can say that

-I'm glad

-love you see u later

-love u 2

-bye

-bye

He smiled and was ready to put the phone away when he saw another message

-did u see Kelly yet? She ok?

-on my way

-ok if I stop in to see her?

-yes

-ok, bye

-don't over do it today, remember to take a break

-that's what bailey said

-pay attention she knows everything

-lol

"Grey, are you playing phone tag with McDreamy," she was caught red handed, and smiled, in a most uncharacteristic and surprising manner showed Miranda Bailey the text exchange.

"He's not as stupid as I thought," Miranda said, "and he's got it right, I know everything."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey, your certainly do," she said and went to talk to her patient.

The morning hours went by quickly and Lexie came to find her at almost two o'clock to have lunch and Meredith left one of her interns covering the Pit.

"How's your first day back at work?"

"I won't ever admit this to her, but Dr. Bailey was right to have me in the Pit, I really am tired, and probably wouldn't have handled other areas as well today."

"Mer, how was your doctor's appointment? Is everything ok?"

"Yes, I have to go back in a couple of weeks to get my HCG levels checked until they are back to normal."

"Do you want to eat in the cafeteria or go sit outside?"

"Outside, so we can talk without eavesdroppers."

"Is …Mer…is everything ok…you and Derek, I mean…yesterday…"

"Lexie, everything is ok, I just want to talk to my sister in private and share something with you."

"OK."

"Meredith, Xena," they heard a voice behind them, and stopped before going in the cafeteria.

"Derek," stop teasing her, "you're as bad as Cristina."

"I am not," he said in mock offense, "Lexie, I'm just joking…"

"It's ok Derek, really, I don't mind…when your or Mark say it."

"Lexie Grey," Meredith started to say, "you better not be flirting with Mark Sloan…"

"Xena 2…I really do love you," Derek told her laughing and kissed her lightly, "I wanted to see you before I went to the OR…you ok?"

"Yes, but you better not encourage him to flirt with her, Derek…I mean it…"

"Ask them Meredith, maybe they like each other," he teased her.

"He is too old for her, and Lexie…you said…"

"Meredith, he's putting you on, relax."

"Oh, you are going to pay for that…Derek…"

"I already am," he teased.

"Wait, what about the Chief…"

"We'll talk later. Don't worry," he said and rushed off to his surgery.

"It's really a lovely day, after last night's storm," Meredith said as they sat at a bench outside the hospital.

"Mer, we're not here to talk about the weather," Lexie commented.

"No, we are not. Last night, Derek and I had an unexpected …"

I knew it…something is wrong, but just now, you seemed ok, what did he do Meredith?"

"Oh, no, you've been hanging around Cristina too much," she joked, "you're jumping on her hate Derek bandwagon, I'm going to have to ask that they switch you to someone else."

"Meredith, this is no time to joke, seriously…how can you, when I could tell you were upset before he got there last night, almost like you didn't expect him to show up, and now you say this…and you want to …"

"Lexie," she said grabbing hold of her hand and bringing it down to her side, "listen…stop talking and waving your hand."

"You do it too," she retorted.

"Yes, I do. Now, what I was going to say is that …" she smiled, unable to resist leading her on, "your brother in law and I…"

"Brother in law…" she paused, "he proposed…after dinner…he proposed…"

"You've been calling him your brother in law without him proposing, why would you think…"

"Meredith Grey, this, does not suit you…you purposely led me to think that he proposed, and three's no reason to be sitting out here wasting time…"

"Lexie, I feel like joking for the first time in a long while…I was kidding around."

"Mer," she said apologetically, "I'm being insensitive, I'm glad you feel like joking…really I am."

"You're not, it felt right to joke around with you, I don't do that often."

"I know…and I'm glad, Mer, that you feel you can do that…it's nice."

"It is," she agreed. "Now, what I was going to say is Derek and I had an unexpected experience, and I wanted to share that with you."

"This is not about sex is it? I mean Mer we can talk about things, and I'm not a prude… but I don't know right now, it seems talking about you and Derek and sex and things unexpected…I don't know…"

Meredith's laughter interrupted Lexie's ramble.

"What?"

"Oh, Lexie I cannot wait to tell Derek your reaction," she said an laughed again.

"Meredith…why…why would you do that…" she asked.

"Because we really are talking about everything, and he will appreciate I had a good laugh."

"Laugh at my expense…I can handle that…I guess, for flirting with him way back when," she said without revealing in her expression she too was teasing her sister.

"Ok…bringing that up…it's not going to win you any points you know."

"Thought you didn't get jealous?"

"Damn right I do, and don't you ever tell him," Meredith said smiling.

"Meredith, I love to talk with you…but I am going to have to get back to work…soon…"

"If you had let me finish my sentence, I would have told you I had the most unexpected experience, this dream Lexie, that later I shared with Derek, and I knew I had to tell you," she said and quietly began to share one of her most cherished and healing moments with her sister, once again strengthening the familial bonds that neither had ever expected and now could not imagine having to live without.

Lexie and Meredith both had tears in their eyes throughout the conversation, "Mer, do you…do you really think it was Mom, giving me…us a message?"

"I have absolutely no doubts," she said, reaching for her hand, "and neither does Derek," she smiled, "she was there Lexie, that night you felt her presence, she was really there."

"And…and in your dream…you said…" she paused and wiped the tears away, "you told Brianna to tell Mom you love me…"

"I did…but, Lexie…" she said smiling, "I think she already knows," and each sister at that moment simply squeezed the other's hand.

"Thank you…Meredith…thank you for letting me in your life…you're…I don't have many friends here…and Molly is so far away, and Mom's gone…and Dad…and to have you…"

"I need you too…we need each other…"

"We really are like two watering pots, aren't we…" Lexie said.

"You surprise me, Xena…" Meredith said, "no wise quotations…"

"It is such a secret place, the land of tears," Lexie replied.

"You just made that up," Meredith said, "didn't you?"

"The Little Prince, Meredith, did you ever read that, it's a classic?"

"No, Mom wasn't big on children's books."

"It was a wonderful book, about so many things in life, I actually liked it better as an adult."

"If…if I have kids…one day, I'll make sure they read all those children's books…"

"My godchild and the brother and sister that may follow are going to enjoy every single one of those books…and I'm going to spoil them rotten."

"I hope…Lexie…I hope my dream comes true," she said, melancholy in every word.

"Meredith…it will, I know it will…"

"I have hope Lexie…I do…I want to believe that Derek and I will have that…"

"Mer, you will…and remember this, _One can't see well except with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes._"

"I remember hearing that," Meredith said smiling.

"Mer, thanks for sharing your dream…it was a beautiful gift."

"Lexie, do you want to come with me, and meet Kelly, she's so special…and my baby…my little girl was her angel."

_AN 7/30 – This as you can tell is a shorter update, as it's very difficult to keep up with the 5 -8,000 words of the last chapters, but hopefully, this will get me back on track to daily chapters. This one in particular was very important to set up their trip and that the Mulligan and Shepherd families will have unforeseen and lasting ties._


	122. Chapter 122

_**Ch 120- Healing journey**_

Meredith and Lexie finished their lunch and were walking towards Kelly's room when both their pagers went off signaling an incoming trauma, putting an end to their plans, and keeping them busy for the next three hours.

"Mer," Alex said as he came to stand next to her, "are you doing ok?"

"Yes, thanks…it actually does help to keep busy, I'm doing better…"

"Ok," he said as he went on to treat his patient, "let me know, I'm here."

It had been the same throughout the day, each of her friends had made a point of checking on her, just a quick word, a gentle hug from George, quick teasing from Mark, each making her understand the importance of the family she had gained the day she began her internship at Seattle Grace.

"Good job everyone, this is one lucky man," Derek said as he made sure all was in order with the patient before heading to scrub out, and then found himself face to face with Miranda Bailey.

"I've been wanting to talk to you all day," she said.

"Is something wrong?"

"You tell me, Shepherd. First, I just wanted to talk to you, then I got a message from the Chief that Meredith needs time off, what the hell have you done now?"

"Why is it that everyone always assumes I've done something wrong, what if she did something wrong?"

"Shepherd," she glared at him, "I know you are not that stupid to really believe that."

"She can do something wrong," he argued.

"Stupid, overly moussed idiot…what the hell have you done?"

"Miranda," he said, and led her to a small room reserved for talking to patients, "did you see Meredith today, did she seem ok to you?"

"Stop avoiding my question."

"I'm not, Miranda, we're fine, we're working things out…I'm asking about her, because she's very good at putting up a front."

"I think she's going to be just fine. Derek…she's worried about you."

"She told you that," he said as he sat down and she did the same.

"She did."

"I'm ok," he said and was silent for a few minutes. "You were right Miranda, none of this means anything without her…and now," he said emotion in his voice, "she's been through so much, and losing the baby, a baby she never expected. I need to make sure she knows, that she understands, she's my life…nothing else matters, for the first time in her life, that she is all that matters, and I owe her…"

"Derek, it was your baby too," she said, and saw the pain of his loss reflected in his eyes.

"Yeah…it was," he said quietly.

"You need to be there for each other, that is the most important thing."

"We know…we've talked about it, I think we're ok."

"Derek, she doesn't feel you owe her. She's being brave and strong and there's all sorts of emotions she's going to be experiencing while her body gets back to normal, but, she's grown Derek…she's not the same Meredith Grey that walked in here as an intern, or went around pining for the married attending…"

"You would have to bring that up."

"It's part of your history, what's made you strong, and I see that now, I see that the two of you have become incredibly strong in your relationship. Don't let doubts and fears get in the way, Derek, you're on you way…don't lose sight of that."

"Miranda, are you ok?"

"Oh, yeah…"

"Miranda…" he said softly.

"Don't you give me that McDreamy crap…"

"I'm your friend."

"Yes…yes you are," she said, "but, I'm just not ready to talk about it…cause I'm not ready to give up…but…I may…I may just need my friend."

"I'll be here, whenever you need me," he said, and reached out and placed his hand over her folded arms, which she acknowledged with a nod of her head, "and don't forget, I'm going to take Tuck fishing," he said and she smiled.

"Shepherd, we have patients to take care of," she said retreating to the safety of her work to avoid dealing with the deeper emotions of her slowly disintegrating marriage, "now, what is this about Meredith needing time off…and the Chief is involved…"

"I'm going to propose to her."

"What…"

"I'm going to propose to her, you know…ask her to marry me…" he smiled like a little boy revealing a major secret.

"And she needs time off for that…" she questioned.

"I know…Miranda Bailey, that there's a romantic heart buried behind that gruff exterior, and you're going to help me…" he said and told her about the conversation with the chief and his plans.

"McDreamy…you've earned that name today…" she said, "and you're making me sentimental…now get out of here and so I can do my job, stupid man, always making me have to work harder and rearrange schedules, and…after this, Shepherd…you're going to owe ME!"

He pulled her from the chair and hugged her, "thank you, Miranda, I will…whatever you want…just four days off…that's all I need…that will work ...thank you."

"Shep, four days will get you there and back… do you ever think ahead?

"I figured, we'd spend three days there…" he added defensively.

"You're going to be stuck in a metal tube for over 10 hours and then back again in 3 days…I wonder sometimes…what makes you such a good brain surgeon…"

"I'm trying to be considerate of your scheduling needs," he smiled.

"She's scheduled to work the next two days, eight to six and then I had her off on the weekend. You make sure, whatever you do, she's back here one week from Monday, ready for pre-rounds…" she smiled and added, "make that a seven a.m. shift. So you've got more than four days, put them to good use, and don't even think of time off for another year, for Grey that is, you take your time off up with the Chief."

"Thank you," he said and kissed her cheek, leaving her to contemplate what she wanted, needed to do with her marriage.

Meredith's shift had come to an end when she came across her sister, "Lexie, I'm going to visit Kelly before I leave, want to come with me?"

"You really want me to meet her…"

"I do…after my dream…I do," she said and both sisters went to the private room the little girl had been moved to since Meredith and Derek had been away.

"Mrs. Mulligan," Meredith said quietly, "is it ok to visit?"

"Dr. Grey, yes, please come in," she said smiling.

"Dr. Mewedith…you came back," the little girl said, "Dr. Shep told me you would."

"Hi Kelly, how are you feeling," Meredith asked her, "you're looking beautiful, and like your head doesn't hurt anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith, my head don't hurt for many days…Dr. Shep fixed me really good."

"He's a very good doctor, and he was very happy to be able to fix you."

"Who's she?"

"That's Lexie, she's my sister."

"She wears blue pajamas too…is she a doctor?"

"Yes, she is."

"Dr. Lexie, you're a girl too… and you're a doctor and I'm gonna be a doctor."

"You are, and I bet you may want to work right here in this hospital."

"For sure… Dr. Lexie, my grandpa, he told me the name of the hospital is just like his sister, Grace…that's a real pwetty name."

"She talks a lot," Mrs. Mulligan said apologetically.

"She's precious," Lexie said, "the entire staff is in love with her, but I had not had a chance to meet her."

"Dr. Mewedith, why were you gone, it was like you and Dr. Shep dispeared."

"Kelly, you know what Dr. Shepherd said, he had to go away a few days, but you saw him this morning."

"Mommy, I know that…but Dr. Mewedith came to visit me with him, and she dispeared too."

"Kelly, I was sick for a few days .." she said, knowing Mrs. Mulligan was already aware of their relationship.

"You mean you were sick and Dr. Shep took care of you…"

"Something like that."

"But you dispeared…oh…Mommy…they went away together. Dr.Mewedith…only mommies and daddies go away together, even if they're old like my Grandpa and Grandpa and Nana and Paddy… does that mean you have little children like me?"

"No…Kelly, I don't have a little girl like you…but if ever have a little girl, I would love for her to be just like you," she said softly, hiding her emotions while she brushed back the little girls dark hair."

"You know what sweetie, Dr. Grey's been working all day, and it's probably time for her to go home now."

"Mommy she's not Dr. Gwey, she's Dr. Mewedith and her sister is Dr. Lexie…and they came to talk to me."

"Mrs. Mulligan, it's ok…I did come to talk to you Kelly, I wanted to make sure you were all better, and so did Lexie, because everyone here is so happy that you're not feeling sick anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith…do you want to see my pictures?"

"Of course I do," she said and Lexie realized Meredith was associating Kelly with the girl in her dream, and wasn't so sure how healthy that was for her emotions.

"Look," she said reaching for a coloring book, "this is me…that's why I've gots dark hair, and my eyes are just like the green grass of iwland…"

"She means Ireland, my father and father in law are both very proud Irishman."

"And you do have very beautiful green eyes," Meredith said, as the little girl continued to turn the pages.

"This is me again," she said, "but I added my baby brother, he has no hair," she laughed, "and look, this is my angel friend, "her name is Bwianna."

"She has very pretty blue eyes," Meredith said, and felt Lexie's hand on her shoulder.

"Oh yes…her eyes are just like Dr. Shep, and he gots to see this picture, cause I made it for him…cause she said…I should make a pweety picture for my doctor."

"She did…when you had your dream about your angel, she said that."

"She's done nothing but talk about it," her mother said, "and insists it wasn't a dream."

"You know children have very vivid imaginations, Mrs. Mulligan."

"Please call me Colleen," Mrs. Mulligan told her, not understanding herself why she felt the need for a more personal conversation. "We are so grateful to Dr. Shepherd and you…and that he was available, when you were going through your own personal loss, I hope everything is better for your family."

"Yes…it's getting better, Colleen, but you'd have to call me Meredith."

"Mommy," the child protested, "Dr. Mewedith came to see me…no grown up talk."

"Kelly, sweetie, you know better than to interrupt when adults are talking."

"I know Mommy, but it was lots and lots of days since she came to see me."

"You know what Kelly, while you're here, I'll come visit you every day, and I bet Lexie would like to come visit you too."

"I would, Kelly, I have a little niece that I hope is going to grow up to be just like you."

"What's her name? Is she big?"

"Her name is Laura and she's almost a year old."

"Do you know her Dr. Mewedith?"

"Yes, she's my niece too…and I was there the day she was born."

"Was she ugly?"

"Kelly, all babies are beautiful," her mother said.

"No, Mommy…Sean was ugly, but he's beautiful now, even if he has no hair."

The three women did not want to laugh, and it was true they thought not all newborns were beautiful.

"Kelly, all mommies look at their babies and think their beautiful, because they know just what they will look like."

"Mommy, I see my baby pictures, I was not ugly like Sean."

"You were beautiful," her mother said, kissing her forehead, "since the day you were born."

"Don't tell my baby brother Mommy, cause he don't know he was ugly."

"We won't tell him but he was always beautiful to your Daddy and me."

"Dr. Mewedith…you gots to meet him…I love him lots and lots…"

"I'm sure he loves you lots and lots too…" she said, "maybe I will meet him before you go home."

"You gots too…he comes to visit with my Daddy."

"Tell you what, I'll be back tomorrow, and maybe I can see him," she said.

"Dr. Mewedith, is Dr. Shep coming back, cause I got to give him my picture."

"I bet you he is, before he goes home," and just as she said it, Derek walked in and was surprised to find Meredith and Lexie.

"How's my favorite patient?" he said as he went to Kelly's side, "how was your day today?"

"I'm all better, can I go home?"

"I think you're going to go home very soon," he said, and walked over to the other side of the bed, and kissed Meredith's cheek.

"Dr. Shep, you kissed Dr. Mewedith and she said you dispeared together…do you live in the same house?"

"Oh God," they heard her mother mutter.

"It's ok Colleen, I've got fourteen nieces and nephews…I'm used to this."

"We're going to build a house and live there together as soon as we get married," he said surprising Meredith with the familiarity he was expressing himself in front of Colleen.

"You're going to be just like Mommy and Daddy…"

"Yes…we probably will be," he said, reaching for Meredith's hand.

"Dr. Shep, I made you a beautiful picture…"

"You did…can I see it?"

"Dr. Mewedith see it already and she said you would come to see me before you went home."

"She did…she's very smart."

"Of course she is, she's a doctor, I'm going to make one for her too, and you have to put it on your frigerator."

"Ok…let's see, this is you, and this is your baby brother…and who is this?"

"That's Bwianna, she's my angel friend," she stated, "and she said I should color you a picture."

"She told you that…" he said, squeezing Meredith's hand, "when you had your dream?"

"She was here Dr. Shep…not my dream…Mommy knows, I told her the whole story…can I tell you the story?"

"Kelly, sweetie…Dr.Shepherd is very busy…he has other patients…"

"It's ok, Colleen…I would love to hear the story…and I bet you Meredith and Lexie would too."

"Oh…Dr. Shep…she was so beautiful…she was a little girl just like me, and she giggled really funny…cause she told me a story and I thought it was silly…and she giggled and told me I was silly too," Kelly laughed.

"Dr.Shepherd, I'm not sure if we should encourage her…she really believes this…"

"You know what…who says she didn't?"

"You think…but you're a doctor…"

"I believe in miracles, Colleen, and her fever dropping after so many hours like it did, it had nothing to do with medicine…and yes…I believe in miracles…"

"You think…that she …"

"I believe she has angels watching over her…and why not a little girl named Brianna."

"That's….that's what my mother in law said…"

"That's my Nana Maggie," they heard Kelly say, obviously listening to the exchange between the adults, "she says my friend Bwianna is my own little angel."

"Kelly, do you want to tell us the rest of the story," Meredith said, as she came closer and gently touched her cheek.

"She was right there, Dr. Mewedith, sitting right there, and my eyes were closed and my head hurt lots and lots and she touched my arm and whispered really low….and she said…Kelly you gots to wake up…lots of times and I opened my eyes and she was looking at me and I wasn't scared cause she was a little girl just like me, and she said I had to get waked up because Mommy and Daddy were so sad…and they wanted their little girl to get better…and that was me, cause Daddy says I'm his pwincess and she said if I stayed sleeping mommy and daddy would cry lots and lots and be sad and I had to get better and we talked about funny stories."

"Did you feel better when she visited you?" Derek asked, "did your head stop hurting?"

"I waked up and my head heart but not lots and lots, and I asked her why she was alone…cause she was a little girl like me…and she said her grandma and grandpa were taking care of her, but I did not see them, and I told her about my Grandma and Grandpa and Nana Maggie and Paddy and that Mommy and Daddy took me to the hospital to get all better, and she told me her Mommy and Daddy were far away."

Derek reached for Meredith's hand, and felt her slight tremble and stood closer to her, ready to offer the emotional support he knew she needed.

"Did she tell you where she was?" Meredith asked softly.

"She said she had to go to heaven when she was just a baby and her mommy and daddy did not get to brings her to the hospital to get all better but she got to be an angel…and I ask what her name was…and she was so silly, right Mommy, so silly," she giggled, "cause she said her mommy and daddy called her baby bear…" she giggled again, "that was so silly…she was a baby angel not a baby bear…"

Colleen Mulligan watched the emotions on the faces of Meredith, Derek and Lexie, and she too began to understand the depth and poignancy of the spiritual gift little girl had experienced.

"That's right, sweetie, your friend Brianna was a little silly, but I bet that her Mommy and Daddy were very sad they could not make her better, and you know how Daddy always calls you his little princess…" she said as Kelly nodded, "I bet Brianna's Mommy and Daddy called her their little baby bear," she finished and fought to keep the tears from falling, "because she was such a tiny baby she didn't have a name yet."

"Mommy, that's so silly…remember when my baby brother was in your tummy… and Daddy was so silly and called him peanut," she giggled.

"That's because he was very little and he was about the size of a peanut," Colleen said, kissing her and drawing her close to her.

"But Mommy…a baby bear is big…so why would Bwianna's Mommy think she was a baby bear when she was in her tummy…"

"Out of the mouth of babes," Lexie murmured, and Meredith reached for her hand, and squeezed.

"You know what Kelly, I think Brianna's Mommy and Daddy thought it was a silly name too…but your friend, she has a beautiful name for a little angel, you want to tell Meredith what she looked like."

"She's beautiful Dr. Mewedith…I'm never going to forget her…cause her eyes are always sparkly and she's so happy…she said she was happy being in heaven and she could come and help be my little angel…but she was not really supposed to come talk to me…but she did…and she said she would always be my friend."

"I'm sure she will be…" Meredith said, and didn't even try to keep the lone tear from

falling.

"Dr. Mewedith, why are your eyes wet? Are you sad?"

"No sweetie, I'm not sad, but sometimes…your eyes are wet when you're happy."

"Everybody's happy now…cause Dr. Shep and Dr. Lexie have wet eyes too…"

"We're all happy that we got to meet you and that you are such a special little girl that is going to go home very soon, right Dr. Shep?" she said, turning to Derek.

"I think…" he was about to answer when the door swung open and John Mulligan walked in with a chubby bald seven month old with bright green eyes that looked around at everyone in the room and then, let out an excited "li…li…"

"Daddy, I missed you so much," Kelly said, "and my baby brother," she said, as the baby continued to repeat her name, "Li….li…" and was not quiet until he was brought to her side and cuddled against her, and just as suddenly looked up and searched for his mom.

"Ma-ma, ma..ma…"

"So, you remember me," Colleen said lifting him from the bed, and cuddling him.

"Dr. Grey, Derek."

"John," Derek said extending his hand, "this is Lexie Grey, Meredith's sister."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Lexie, has this one been talking your ear off?"

"Daddy, you are so silly…ears can't talk, ask Mr. Rabbit…and he has big ears," she said cuddling her stuffed animal.

"John, I was just going to tell Kelly here, that she can probably go home in a couple of days, but," he said, speaking to the little girl, "you have to do everything your Mommy and Daddy tell you, do you think you can do that for me?"

"I can…Dr. Shep…I can…cause I want to go home so much…"

"Well, you just have to remember that you have a big owie on your back…and you have to do everything I'm going to tell you…and that means you're going to have to stay in bed most of the time, but soon you can do everything you could do before you got sick…do you think you can do that?"

"Oh yes…I can follow twuctions very good."

"She means instructions," John added smiling, "and she really can go home in a couple of days?"

"I don't see why not, I'm going to monitor her the next forty eight hours, and if all continues as it has, there's no reason she can't go home, as long as she's supervised all the time."

"Of course," he said, "Colleen and I will be there and her grandparents, but we will also have a nurse full time, so there's no risk to her recovery."

"She's going to be fine, and she will make a full recovery."

"Dr. Mewedith…do you think my baby brother looks like the picture I draw of him?"

"Yes, he is just as beautiful as you told me," Meredith responded, as the baby who had been entertaining himself with his mother's necklace and putting it in his mouth, looked up towards her and flashed a toothless grin that tugged at her heart.

"Kelly, we're going to go now, but I'll be back to see you in the morning," Derek told her, realizing it had been a very emotional encounter for Meredith.

"Dr. Shep, don't forget your picture."

"I'm going to put it on the refrigerator just like you told me, thank you for such a beautiful gift," he said and bent down and gave the little girl a kiss on the cheek.

"Dr. Mewedith, will you come back so I can give you your picture?"

"Of course," she said, "I will stop by tomorrow."

"Can I give you a hug Dr.Mewedith…cause you don't have a little girl, and Mommy says little girl hugs are very special and they make wet eyes go away."

Meredith reached down to hug her, and felt her little arms go around her neck and hug her tightly, and emotions yet to be discovered planted small seeds of hope in her heart, as she was certain she heard a faint familiar whisper, "I love you lots mommy," and her soul continued its gentle healing journey.

Baby Sean began to get restless, "Da…da…da…da…li…li…" until his father took him, and was holding him when Derek and Meredith had walked around to leave.

Derek extended his hand to both John and Colleen, "I'll see you tomorrow, thanks again, for everything," he said, leaving Meredith a bit confused over that comment.

"Ma-ma, ma…ma…ma…" the baby now wanted to go back to his mother, who was standing closer to Meredith, and he extended his chubby arms to tug at Meredith's hair, and began talking to her.

"He loves blondes," John chuckled, "all of us are black Irish, so he goes for the opposite, don't you Sean," and the baby laughed at the sound of his father's chuckle.

"Well Sean, you really are precious," Meredith said, and the baby smiled tugging harder at her hair, "you sister was right," she said and the baby just giggled, and Colleen saw the melancholy in her eyes and handed the baby back to her husband, and pulled Meredith aside.

"Meredith, you just lost a baby, didn't you?"

"Very few people know…but yes…and we…we called her baby bear," she said quietly, and felt herself pulled into her Colleen's embrace.

"She's my Kelly's angel…Meredith, I believe that…I believe in miracles, and you, the two of you…he saved her in the operating room…and Brianna…she was yours…and I believe she was her angel."

"Thank you…" Meredith said, and hugged her back, "thank you."

Derek and Lexie witnessed the embrace between the two women and taken aback, as it was very unlike Meredith to easily accept any form of intimacy.

"Lexie, it was very nice to meet you, I hope you'll stop by again."

"Mrs. Mulligan, it was very nice to meet you too, and I'll be back to see Kelly."

"Oh, please, call me Colleen."

Kelly was beginning to feel left out, "Dr. Mewedith…you won't forget…to see me and come get your picture…this one is going to be me and my friend Bwianna."

"I won't forget…Kelly, I'll come see you tomorrow," she said and walked to the bed again, and kissed her cheek, but the little girl hugged her again, "you have sweet dreams tonight."

The three of them walked outside the room, and Lexie simply reached out and embraced her sister, "amazing…Mer…that was amazing…your dream Mer…and now this…I hope you realize what a gift they were…"

"I do, Lexie…I do," she said, and turned to look at Derek and smiled. "I'll see you at home."

"Bye Derek," Lexie said, giving him a sisterly peck on the cheek, and she walked away as Meredith turned to Derek and reached for his hand and they both walked towards his office in silence.

Derek closed the door behind him and she immediately walked into his embrace and released all the tears she'd been holding back, from the moment Kelly had began to tell her story.

"Oh…Derek…she believes she had a little angel visit her…and her Mommy and Daddy called her baby bear," she cried.

"Our baby…Meredith…she's Kelly's little angel," he said, swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"Colleen said that Derek, she understood…she knew Kelly was talking about our baby."

"I believe she did," he said, gently caressing her back.

"Derek, you don't think I'm crazy?"

"I think," he said, kissing her softly, "you were given a beautiful gift, your dream, and now today…we were both given something very special…something that we were meant to hear, and Meredith, I believe…I truly do…even though I did not understand it at the time, that Kelly was meant to come into our lives…so our sadness and our loss would be a little more bearable…and all of this, it's like the first step of a healing journey."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith, let's go home," he said and both understood that home was not always a physical location, and as long as they were together, the emotions and feelings of love held dear within their hearts would ultimately dictate the right place they would call home.

Earlier that day, deep in the hours of the night, an unexpected and inexplicable dream and an angel's touch allowed two soul mates destined to be together for eternity to believe in dreams and miracles; and their loved ones far away, yet always spiritually near, rejoiced, for their messages had indeed been delivered and the healing journey had begun.


	123. Chapter 123

**Chapter 121 – Ineffectual fists? **

Meredith and Derek walked out of the hospital holding hands, and though the sadness they felt the last time they walked out these doors lingered, today their loss has become more bearable after they walked out of the room of a little girl he had been called upon to save, and they had been destined to meet.

"Hey," he said, as they reached the passenger door, "do you want to grab a bite to eat at Joe's?"

"We could," she said, knowing they had to get back some normalcy in their lives, whatever that meant for them.

"Or, we could go home," he said, noticing the tired look in her eyes, "I'll cook something for us."

"Let's go to Joe's," she said, and kissed him softly, wanting him to be distracted and stop worrying about her all the time, "we haven't been there in a while."

"You're sure?"

"Yes…and everyone will probably be there, but, I admit I'm tired, so we just won't stay long, ok?"

"Ok," he said, and opened the door for her.

The last time they'd been at Joe's some of their friends had been expecting them, unlike this evening, but then also, their hearts held a secret shared with very few of a new life they had created and the joy of anticipating the birth of an unexpected yet much wanted child.

She remembered their last evening here and took a deep breath as he held the door opened for her, and she felt the palm of his hand on the small of her back, and drew strength from the knowledge and security of the love she knew he felt for her, and from the experience they had just shared in Kelly's room and subsequently his office.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd, we've missed you, first shot's on the house," Joe told him as they neared the bar, "same as usual?"

"Thanks Joe," Meredith said, "same for Derek, I'll have a glass of sparkling water, with a twist of lime."

"What?" Joe asked, "no alcohol?"

"I've been under the weather…I'll take you up on it next time we're here," she smiled, as they walked over to a table where Lexie and George sat with their group of interns.

"Hi Mer, Derek glad you're here. You all can close your mouths, you know she's my sister…and well, Dr. Shepherd …he's…I can call him Derek."

"She means that he's going to be her brother in law," they heard Cristina's voice.

"Xena 3," Derek laughed, "not possible."

"What are you laughing at?" Mark asked coming to join them.

"Take what you can get," she said and glared at him, causing him to laugh again, "and just because you're …well, she's already said yes, whenever you get around to it."

"Oh, we're back to that again," Mark smirked, "I still stay, two years, right Mer" he winked.

"Ask Derek, all I know, is it's going to be a surprise," she smiled.

"I'd say…it's going to be a surprise, and yes definitely within two years," he said and kissed her, unaware his voice carried louder than expected and a group of gossipy nurses nearby would have their own interpretation of the evening's events over the next few days.

They spent the next hour enjoying the company of friends, and several people stop by and said hello and that they'd been missed around the hospital, while Meredith tried to gauge the relationship between Mark and Tracy.

"Stop that," Derek whisphered in her ear.

"What?"

"No interfering, Mark's told you already."

"You cannot possibly know…"

"I can…you've been watching them and I see that little frown that tell me…"

"Derek, you have to admit, he's spending a lot of time with her."

"Yes, and…" he stopped just as Lexie walked by and said something to Mark, and both laughed.

"What…what are they doing Derek, I swear if he so much as thinks…"

"Weren't you just concerned over him and Tracy, and now you think…"

"They have been flirting with each other, Derek, and he's not, I'm not going to let him play around with her, she's vulnerable you know, doesn't have a lot of friends here."

"Well…well," he smiled.

"Don't you dare make fun of me," she smacked his arm, and smiled.

"I find it endearing, I love you Meredith."

"Break it up you two," Cristina said, "leave that for later."

"Cris, get Lexie here," Meredith told her.

"Why?"

"Because."

"Oh…she's flirting with Sloan, and big sister doesn't like it."

"Stop joking about it, he's with Tracy."

"Three…" Cristina called out to her.

"Three…" Mark spoke up, "you're not going to respond to that, are you?"

"Tracy," Lexie said, "play along with me, Mer thinks I'm flirting with Mark."

"Uhmm, are you?" Tracy asked her.

"No. He's too old," she laughed, "really, Mer needed a little lightness."

"Really, Dr.Sloan," Lexie told him and winked at him and Tracy, "you keep talking about perfect techniques, but…from what I've seen and heard…"

"That little…" Meredith said and got up.

"Lexie, I have to tell you…as far as his techniques are concerned," Tracy went along with her, not fully understanding what had happened with Meredith, but knew it had deeply affected Mark.

"Lexie," Meredith said standing next to her sister, "Derek wants to talk to you, will you join us?"

"He does…" she smiled, "sure…"

"So…Derek, you wanted to talk to me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he smiled.

"Derek," Meredith scolded, "tell her…tell her she can't play with fire where Mark is concerned, you're going to get burned, he's too old for you, and he's seeing Tracy, and you can't… well you just can't…he's a manwhore."

"Mer, what if he turns out to be the love of my life?"

"WHAT?" Meredith and Derek said simultaneously.

"Gotcha!"

"Lexie, you are so going to pay for that."

"Mer…we all agreed…to play a little, it doesn't mean anything, and I got to see a bit of that bossy Meredith my brother in law keeps talking about…"

Derek felt the vibration of his phone and looked at it and smiled, it was Kathleen.

-Absolutely perfect

"What are you smiling at Derek," Meredith asked as he typed something back.

-ok getting it tomorrow

-when are you leaving?

-sat morning she does not know

-ok keep me posted

-yes thanks

"Kathleen, she asked me for something," he replied.

"You are lying."

"You don't know that."

"Show me."

"What," he said as he erased the last text messages.

"The text messages."

"No."

"See you're lying."

"It's got to do with those four initials…"

"Oh, forget it," she said irritated, and turned her attention back to lecturing Lexie.

"Mer, can I go now…"

"I'm telling you…"

"Mer…remember that morning, you said you hadn't seen Derek…and then he answered…and you made me believe I'd stood you up, and he was right there the whole time?"

"What does that have to do with anything?"

"Just got you back…I'm only kidding Mer, really, Mark," she said quietly, "is definitely too old…"

"You remember that…and planned…"

"No, Mer, it was just a coincidence, but it was too good to pass up, I have an excellent memory …photographic in fact."

"One more thing to know about you, I guess," Meredith told her smiling.

"Yes, and if I ever have any feelings, you know…"

"Lexie," Meredith warned.

"Oh Mer, it is good to see you like this…and not…"

"I know…it does feel good."

"Can I go now?"

"Yes, Xena," Derek responded having listened to the exchange, and agreed with Lexie, it had been good for them to stop at Joe's, she needed the change.

"Enjoy the rest of the night Mer…"

"Lexie," Derek called out to her as an afterthought, "do you have a passport?"

"Why?"

"Just wondering? Do you?"

"Yes," she smiled, "why?"

"Yes, Derek, why would my sister need a passport?"

"I didn't say she did, I just asked a simple question," he smiled.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…it's just a question."

"You told me," she said quietly, "that you would not be asking her to plan…our…our…"

"I remember exactly what I told you," he said and kissed her, "and that has not changed."

"Ok," she said and rested against him and closed her eyes briefly, giving in to how tired she felt in spite of the good time she was having amongst friends.

"Damn," she heard Tracy say, "look what the cat dragged in."

Derek looked up and saw Rose walk in and join a group nearby, and felt Meredith stiffen in his arms, and did not know what to say or how she would react.

"You're quiet," she said.

"Would you like to leave," he said, and felt her take a deep breath and then relax against him and turn her face to look at him.

"She knew you and I were together, and in spite of that took advantage of your, shall we say…stupidity…that's what Bailey would say mind you…"

"What would you say," he asked her.

"In spite of your stupidity," she repeated and he laughed, while their friends allowed them the privacy it was evident they needed as they sat speaking quietly in the booth.

"I deserved that," he agreed.

"You deserve a hell of a lot more than that, you idiotic, brainless, moron… but who's keeping track of all that…" she said seriously.

"Accepted," he said.

"In spite of all that," she said softly and quietly so no one else could hear, "or maybe because of it, you and I are here now, and I have no doubts…none whatsoever that you love me, and that if you could, you would change what happened between you…and because of this, I can stay, and if I need to…if she dares to think she can ever come between us again…"

"She can't…Meredith…she can't…you have my word, nobody can."

"If she tries…I will…" she smiled, "I'll let Cristina bring her down, or have Izzie go cage fighter on her," she said and laughed.

"I'm sorry, Meredith, for hurting you like I did."

"And…to finish her off…" she said, looking in his eyes, "these so called ineffectual fists are going to grab her and pull her by that stupid ring and chain she wears around her neck, and choke her," she said in a serious tone, "for daring to even consider challenging me again."

"You haven't forgiven me, have you?"

"Maybe there's a little hurt left, so next time I say, no sex…remember why…"

"Meredith, I am sorry, and I told you, if I could change that, I would," he said and she heard the repentance, and longing in his words, "and I'll wait as long…as long as you need."

"Derek, I love you, and there is a little hurt left, but I won't…I won't be using that against us…" she said reassuringly, "I love you…and I know you love me."

"I do…" he said quietly.

"I know," she said, and reached for his hand "as I love you."

"Thank you," he said.

"For what?"

"Loving me…in spite of all I've done to screw up…to hurt you."

"We're going to have a lifetime Derek, that's all that matters," she said sincerely.

"You're not going to hold this, and so many other stupid brainless things I've done over my head…"

"Oh, I didn't say that," she smiled, "that…Derek, that is going to be the fun part…" she said and laughed, and he loved the echo of her laugher, "when you least expect it," she teased.

"I guess that's a small price to pay," he said in a serious tone.

"Derek," she said, looking deeply in his eyes, "I'm teasing you…we're moving on, we've talked about these things…most things…and we move on…I'm not saying there may not be times we don't bring some things up, but, what I want for us…what I want does not include hanging on to past misunderstandings…ok…"

"I'm going to try Meredith, I'm going to really try not to be so brainless…and stupid…"

She giggled, "now, that, I'd like to see..." she joked with him, "but, they're some of the many things I love about you…so, let's agree that I will point them out to you each time."

"I can live with that," he smiled, "I think."

"You can…because, I'm sure there are things you will point out to me too."

"Not if I value my life," he teased, "with three Xena's and cage fighter Izzie."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said and drew her closer to him, and their friends watched the scene before them and understood the challenges they'd faced had been met, and they would be able to handle anything that came their way.

"Shep," they heard Mark say, "how about a game of darts?"

"What's the catch?"

"Winner dates one of the Grey sisters," Mark said when he walked over and only he and Meredith heard him.

"Mark Sloan, you are dead meat," Meredith challenged, "this game is between you and me, I set the stakes, and you and Derek play."

"Really, and what's at stake?"

"Bestman…and godfather…" she said quietly and purposefully.

"Forget it, stakes are too high, I won't risk losing either of those," he said.

"Mark," she said, "you better stop flirting with Lexie, or else."

"Mer, we've been pulling your leg, honestly, Tracy was in on it."

"That better be all it is," she said not quite certain how she really felt about it. There were sides to Mark Sloan, she was beginning to think were not that bad at all, except he really was too old, for her sister.

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh…"

"What are you thinking," Derek asked.

"You mean you don't know."

"I'm almost afraid to know."

"Uhmmm…they are going to be godparents…"

"Meredith…"

"I'm not going to meddle…I'm just…thinking…Alex may suit her better."

"What is this, you've become a matchmaker now?"

"She needs someone."

"She'll find that on her own," he said.

"Uh huh…"

"Meredith…"

"What?"

"You're not going to…"

"Derek, I can't believe it, I wasn't thinking before, but she's moving in with George, and that…well…that may not be the best thing Derek…she's lonely and vulnerable, and doesn't have a lot of friends here and George …well, I don't… Derek…I just don't see her with George."

"Ok…you need to drink…you're scaring me."

"She's my sister Derek, I have to look out for her."

"Yes, well, that does not mean you interfere…with her… "

"I can too…give her advice ..."

"I was going to say… with her sex life…"

"Oh…well, that …"

"Meredith, let's go home."

"You think that's going to shut me up?" she raised her brow at him.

"I hope so," he said as he shoved her a little and she got up from her seat, and extended her hand to him.

"Let's go home Derek," she laughed as they walked over to the pool table area to say good night to their friends, but not before he got suckered to a game of darts, the stakes to which were acceptable, loser paid for the next round of drinks and Mark did.

"Told you," Mark whispered to Meredith, "I knew the stakes would have been too high, I had the feeling he'd win."

"Why is that?"

"No sex Grey," he laughed, "that's when he's best at this game, all that pent up…"

"You ass," she laughed, and swatted his arm.

"That's good to hear Grey…really nice to hear your laugh again."

"Mark…" she said, giving him a hug, "he would have lost, if you'd accepted my stakes…"

"You think?"

"I know…because, you losing, neither Derek or I would have let that happen."

"What are you two talking about," Derek stood by them and asked.

"The stakes…for bestman…and godfather," Mark replied.

"Oh…that…she'd never have let me win…" Derek said.

"You told him to lose?" Mark asked her.

"No, he just knows you are the best man for those two jobs," she said, linking her arm through Derek's.

"But, still not good enough for your sister," Mark teased her.

"Good night Mark," she said, leaving a look shock in his face.

"You did that on purpose," Derek laughed as the walked out of Joe's.

"What?"

"That last comment, Meredith, the look on his face."

"He deserved it, he's been playing with that all night," she said smiling as they walked to his car and drove to her house.

"I didn't realize how tired I was," she said when he joined her in bed, "it's not even ten o'clock."

"Dr. Cameron told you, you could expect to be tired, for a little longer," Derek said, "you should hve told me earlier, we could have come home.

"No, it was a good idea Derek, going to Joe's, I enjoyed it, it worked out…all that happened tonight, it worked out."

"It did," he chuckled, "the look on Mark's face when we left and you didn't say anything else to him about Lexie, him speechless was priceless."

"Derek…"

"Oh here goes…"

"It's too bad he is so old."

"Meredith, I'm beginning to get a bit concerned here."

"Why?"

"We're the same age."

"Derek, don't be an idiot."

"I get that you love me," he joked.

"I'm seeing this other side of Mark…one he tries to hide."

"Meredith, stop thinking," he said and leaned over to kiss her, before bringing her close to him and holding her in his arms.

"Derek, you didn't tell me about your conversation with the Chief."

"We had a very good talk, with Miranda too," he said and they each exchanged the conversations with Miranda, and he told her most of his with Richard.

"Derek," she said as she laced her fingers with his, "Kelly's a really special little girl, I'm glad you were there that day to operate on her, to save her life, I think that was meant to happen."

"I think you're right," he said, kissing the top of her head, "we…we couldn't do anything for our little girl, but…Kelly…"

"I think our baby is very proud of you…of her Daddy, and she chose Kelly, to be her own little angel and let you know that, that she knows you saved her life."

"Brianna," he said, "our little angel Meredith, in spite of our loss…we were given that gift."

"Isn't it funny Derek, how Kelly spoke about her, like she's really seen her…seen an angel."

"I'm sure she has," he said, "and your dream, what my Dad said, there's no way…no way it was anyone but him," he said, his voice filled with emotion.

"Derek, I think even though I couldn't…she couldn't be with us…I think we were meant to have her…those few days," she paused and pulled back from him, laying on her side face to face with him, looking deeply into his eyes, " she …our own little angel forever Derek…she made me realize that dreams could come true, and I loved her from the moment I suspected I could really be pregnant, and to remember the day she was conceived and truly understand how very much I loved you…she gave us hope and made me believe we could have it all…" she stopped, and he wiped the tears from her face, "she brought faith back to my life…and I know now that not matter what happens, you and me…we are worth fighting for."

"Meredith, no matter what happens, as long as I have you…my life will be complete, but I promise you, I will do all I can…to make your dreams of a family come true…whatever it takes…and I think Brianna was meant to give us that…bring back a little bit of that faith maybe we had both forgotten."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"We're going to have it…they will come true, my dreams…you asked me, remember that night…to take it all on faith…"

"I remember…"

"It's my turn…to ask you…" she said, as she leaned in and kissed him, making him believe that nothing would ever get in the way of their dreams again, and as he often did, he had a feeling that the worst had all been put behind them.

They lay in each other's arms, each filled with faith, that their dreams had just began to unfold as they fell into gentle slumber. This night, neither questioned the familiar and beautiful whisper of an angel, but simply took it on faith, smiling, and both would have sworn they heard, "I love you lots…Mommy…Daddy."


	124. Chapter 124

**Ch 122 – Timing…feelings… **

Derek sensed he was alone before he reached out to the empty side of the bed, and slowly came awake wondering where she had gone, "Meredith," he called out softly, and when he did not get a response, got up and lightly pushed the bathroom door to find it empty, and then noticed the bedroom door ajar.

She was sitting typing at the computer downstairs and did not hear him, as he watched her for a few minute before he walked up behind and kissed the top of her head.

"Oh, God," she said turning around to face him, "Derek, don't do that…"

"What? Kiss you?"

"Walk up behind me at five in the morning without any warning. You could have been a burglar."

"A burglar …who comes up behind you and kisses you?"

"Maybe…or you know, a secret admirer," she teased, as she turned back to face the computer screen.

"Really?"

"I have those…you know."

"Ok," he said nonchalantly, and then lightly bit her earlobe, "you want to play games?"

"Who's playing…I have one you know…Viper said he'd come back."

"Why are you up," he ignored her comment.

"Uhmmm…" she said.

"I don't get jealous, you know…not of a crazy biker with an accent…who would be considered a stalker if he broke in and kissed you."

"The accent was sexy…" she smiled.

"Fine," he said a bit annoyed with himself for rising to her bait, yet pleased with her playfulness after so many days of sadness, "you win."

"What do you mean?"

"I get jealous…and you already know that because I've admitted it I was…especially of that ass kissing you."

"Derek…"

"What," he pouted, as she reached for his hand resting on her shoulder and placed hers over it.

"I get jealous too," she said and pulled on his hand and brought it to her lips, "but…"

"We don't do well with buts Meredith…" he joked.

"I won't argue with that," she said, "and if you'd listened, what I was going to say is that I'm trying…really trying to trust you…trust that what we have together is all we need, and there's no reason for either of us to feel jealous."

"You're right," he said, and nibbled at her neck, "we don't, but I have to admit I was not happy when I saw him kiss you."

"I remember," she smiled.

"You still haven't answered my question," he said running his hand over her hair.

"I woke up a little bit ago, and you were sleeping so soundly I came downstairs to catch up on emails."

"That doesn't answer my question," he said as he wrapped his arms around her and rested his head on her shoulder and read what she was writing.

"Stop reading my emails."

"I am not. Answer my question."

"We went to bed early, and I don't usually get more than six hours sleep, so I was up, and didn't want to wake you."

"You should have, I miss having you in bed, holding you."

"You haven't been getting a lot of rest Derek," she said and got up, and tugged on his hand to follow her over to the couch, "you're trying to be so strong for me, and I know you have not been getting enough sleep, and when I saw you looking so peaceful, I wanted to let you sleep a while longer."

"I had a good night's sleep, better than I have for a very long time."

"I did too," she said and he noticed the slight distancing in her voice.

"Meredith…tell me what you're thinking, what you're feeling."

"Last night Derek, I had the most peaceful sleep in a long while, truly peaceful…it felt as though yesterday we were given a new sense of hope …and…faith Derek, that we're going to be ok, that Kelly was meant to relay that …and as I fell asleep Derek…"

"The whisper…" he finished, "the whisper of angels, our own little one…whispered…I love you lots…" he said without any doubts.

"Yes…and my heart was at peace, and you heard it…you heard it too."

"I heard it…and I too was able to sleep peacefully with you in my arms."

"We're going to be fine…" she said, "Derek and Meredith fine."

"Yes, we are," he said as he kissed her lips softly and held her in his arms, "no more doubts about us being together…and our commitment to working through everything, no more avoiding…just together to make those dreams come true, for that lifetime we've promised each other," he repeated her words, in some ways wanting to convince himself.

"For always," she said and hugged him closer to her.

"So… he said, and she heard the emotion in his voice, "you think I'd need a hug too."

"I thought you weren't reading," she said softly, while reaching for his hand and letting him know she did not mind.

"I love you Meredith."

"You can't always use that line you know…"

"I'm not avoiding it, I just…I'm happy you want to be in touch with her, it means a lot to me…that …if the two of you can be close…and…to see…that you're opening up to her, trusting her, after…" he paused and swallowed past the lump in his throat.

"Derek," she said, pulling away to from his embrace and turning to look at him, she saw the glimmer of tears in his eyes and brought her hand to his face, caressing it gently, "what's wrong?"

"I've screwed up so badly…hurt you so much…and to read what you just wrote her…it's…after I thought we may be over…when I called Kathleen…"

"Hey…we're not going back, remember, you and me…we're getting our lifetime," she assured him, "don't doubt it…my dream Derek, it's what's ahead of us…and having a family…our family, I want it all…and I'm trying…little steps…but I'm trying to build that trust…I really am…and that includes your Mom and she's making it very easy, she and Kathleen…for me to trust."

"You're more than trying, you're making it happen, and I'm so proud of you, all you've done, all your efforts and I will never take it for granted again Meredith, that you gave me another chance, that you …that you forgave me for all the times I've hurt you…all the times I failed to be there."

"I've forgiven you…as I hope you've forgive me…because when you called Kathleen, Derek, that was the most shameful thing I've ever done or said…and you forgiving me for that…it does mean a lot to me, and I think we're on our way Derek…those hundred steps that made us stumble along the way, but now…we're walking on solid ground, and even if we fall down together, as we have, I believe nothing will get in the way of us trusting and helping each other get through anything that comes our way."

"You really believe that?"

"No doubts at all, but I can't do it alone, I'll need your help…especially now…as I start going to therapy."

"You won't have too, I'm here Meredith, I won't ever let you down again."

"I know you won't…but Derek…"

"But…" he said, never taking his eyes off hers, "that's not a good thing…"

"But… along the way Derek…you know there will be times when we may have doubts surface, and that's when we have to remember the promise we made each other…not to pull away…"

"Not to let the other pull away…even if we yell…even if we fight…even if we keep telling the other that is what we want…those times…those are the times we have to remember not to let the other pull away," he said as he held her hand gently caressing it.

"We have a little while, about another hour before we have to be up, do you want to go back to bed?"

"Let's just stay here," he said, "there's fond memories in this room," he continued as he stretched out on the couch and gently eased her back into his arms.

"Very fond memories," she smiled, snuggling in his embrace as he began to trail gentle kisses along her neck, her throat and then turning her gently found her lips.

"Uhmmm," he moaned as he stopped himself from kissing her again, "I don't want to stop… but…I'm not looking forward to starting my day with another cold shower."

"I'm sorry…just a couple more days…Derek, Dr. Cameron said a couple days after…after the spotting stopped, and it's a lot less…it was this morning."

"Meredith, you just make sure…that you're ok, we can wait."

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"I do want you, and I can't wait till we can make up for all these weeks…weeks of not being able to love each other…pleasure each other…but, Derek, I told you, we don't have to wait…let's go upstairs…"

"I told you…when we make love again, it's for both of us, not just for me."

"Oh, Derek…I promise…all your favorite things…a couple of days…and no more waiting."

"Meredith…the wait…will be worth it…and I promise it will be our favorite things," he said kissing her softly.

"I love you Derek," she said kissing him back and he felt her smile upon his lips.

"You're smiling…"

"I'm thinking…"

"Uhmmm…want to share those thoughts?"

"Our favorite things Derek..."

"That's worth many smiles," he said as he captured her lips again, eliciting soft moans and satisfied smiles, "and new ones…Meredith…newly discovered emotions and favorite things."

"Oh Derek…" she said suddenly overcome with emotions.

"Hey…"

"Hold me…Derek, just hold me."

"I can't have you crying…not while we're talking about…" he continued whispering in her ear.

"Oh, Derek…I love you so much...I'm…just…bear with me, it's hormones…and …it just made me…"

"Made you what…something just changed…tell me about it."

"It's ok…just my hormones…making me react," she said as she attempted to put the thoughts that came to mind behind her, and forget memories that only caused her pain.

"No, there's more to this than hormones, and Kathleen's right, and I know she told you the same thing, we need to talk, we can't put things off for them to fester."

"Let's drop it, please, just this time," she said avoiding his gaze.

"Look at me Meredith," he insisted and their eyes met, "how bad is it?"

She was quiet, not wanting to respond.

"Meredith," he insisted.

She lowered her gaze, "a ten."

"Ten…" he said his voice unsure, "and it's because of me…"

"I'm sorry."

"What…what makes you feel that much pain? What did I do…to make you feel like that?"

"You didn't do anything…you've been wonderful, I …I just…I was remembering…"

"What, Meredith…please…we'll never get past it, if we don't talk."

"Our favorite things…your favorite things…it made me remember…that night."

She had brought it up once before and again he felt as though he'd been slapped, but this time he felt he deserved it, and began to pull away.

"Please, don't…Derek…don't pull away from me…you asked me, and I was honest, because that night you hurt me, not so much what you said…but that you did not want me to stay, it devastated me to know you did not want me…but if you pull away from me now…if you do that now, you will know how much you'll be hurting me again."

"How can you want me now, if that's what you're remembering, how can you want me to be near you?"

"Because I love you…and I need you…and I need you to hold me and tell me you don't feel that way anymore…that if you had to do it again, you'd at least have considered asking me to stay, and because I need for you to forgive me for the horrible things I said to you…about the day I drowned."

"I told you, I understood."

"You understood, and I did too…but we need to do more than that, we have to forgive each other…and I don't think…if you pull away, it means you haven't."

"If I pull away, it's got nothing to do with forgiveness, it has to do with the shame I feel over that night."

"Then, we're exactly in the same place…we both did terrible things, said things we are both ashamed of…things we each feel we want and need to be forgiven for…things that all have to do with me and the day I drowned," she was crying now, "and I need you to forgive me for all the pain I've caused you, all the pain I caused us both."

"That night, if I could do it again…I'd never have uttered those words, if I could do it again, I would never have waited that long to discuss what happened with you, but I can't go back, so all I can say is that I failed you that night, again, and I am deeply sorry, and ashamed that instead of dealing with the situation I pushed away, when all I felt was fear…a deep agonizing fear of losing you, and I could not bear the thought of every losing you again."

"Derek, that day…when I drowned, I told you before…it was very different for me…and we need to talk about it…there is so much we need to talk about, but I can't do it now, we don't have time…not in an hour, but I promise you we will…we have to, so we can both understand what happened, and get through that …but Derek, you never have to worry about that again…I swear you don't, and going to therapy Derek, I will deal with it…I will…and everything else, because, what I want for us, what you deserve…what we both deserve if for me to face the past…and share that with you…and you will understand, I promise you will…that I would never willingly want to leave you."

It was the most they had ever discussed about those two fateful nights, and both had tears in their eyes, and he cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her tears away, "I love you, and I promise you that we'll do this together, that we will face all of this together."

"I love you Derek," she said kissing him back.

"Now, can I ask you something and you won't say I'm an ass," he said, purposely trying to lighten the mood of the conversation they'd unexpectedly broached.

"What?" she sniffled.

"Does that mean…we can never talk about our favorite things again…without it bringing back bad memories?"

"You ass," she said, and he held her close and once again whispered tender loving words bringing a smile to her face, and then she murmured her own earning a heartfelt laugh.

"Tease," he told her, as he snuggled closer.

"I'm not…that would be if I was not willing to…"

"Stop now…"

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm..."

"I was thinking…"

"Am I going to like this…"

"I think so, I mean, it's about going home…you going home."

"What?"

"Maybe…you should go home, it's been a while, and your Mom and your sisters, you should visit them."

"What brought this on?"

"I'm realizing Derek, after spending time with Kathleen…and talking to your Mom and emailing her…talking with Jenna, they really miss you, and I know you miss them."

"When I go home…next time I go home, I want you with me."

"I know I said I'd go…but, I think you should go now…and we can talk about us going together later."

"Meredith, we were going together…but now, we can wait…I understand you may not want to go to, that it would be hard to go for the baptism, when…"

"When," she said, "we thought our baby could have been there too…"

"Yes," he said, pulling her closer to him.

"Derek…they don't know…and you're going to be Jenna's baby's godfather, you will still have to go, but I'm thinking you should go now…like your Mom told you, maybe a weekend."

"Will you come with me?"

"Now…oh…that's soon, Derek…before it was months and months away, but now…I don't know…"

"How about we wait to make a decision, in a couple of months we can talk about it again, and who knows maybe Mom will have come out here already, and then I can wait a while longer to go home."

"Derek, I'm going to try…I'm going to really try to work through things with Dr. Wyatt, so I can be ready…ready to go home with you."

"We'll work through it together…and when you're ready, that's when we'll go," he said as they lay quietly in each other's arms, and eventually both fell asleep to be woken over an hour later by the commotion on the stairs and in the kitchen.

"Alex, open up this door, it's almost six thirty and I need to brush my teeth."

"So much for Bethany Whisper, can you keep it down, you're going to wake up the entire house, and not everyone needs to be up this early."

"Alex, just get your ass in the kitchen and make some coffee."

"Yeah…yeah…" he said and came down the stairs a few minutes later and met up with Lexie as she was walking in to the kitchen.

"Were you trying to wake up the dead?"

"Not me, that was Ms. Whisper," he joked.

"Can all of you keep it down, we don't have to be up for another half hour," they heard Derek say just as Izzie made her way downstairs and followed the voice to the couch.

"What are you doing here?"

Meredith opened one eye, "this is my house…we can sleep wherever we want, except for you and Alex arguing at the top of your lungs."

"Your door was wide open, I thought you'd already left."

"George and Lexie are still here."

'They don't count, they had to be in by seven too."

"Izzie coffee's ready, we gotta go," Alex yelled out to her.

"Mer what are you doing here?"

"Lex, I live here…"

"Yeah, but you and Derek don't usually sleep on the couch."

"We were talking and fell asleep…now go away, we have another half hour to sleep."

"I think," she heard him say, "we need to set up some rules around here."

"Rules…" four voices echoed.

"Yes…everyone needs to keep their mouth shut in the morning and be responsible for getting to work on time," he said.

"Seriously?" Izzie said.

"Dude, ain't going to happen."

"Seriously, Derek…we can't do that," Meredith giggled, "we're all each other's timekeepers."

"Well, it's time it stopped, you're not in kindergarten."

"Yeah, but still," she said sitting up and kissing him, "old habits…hard to break, especially when we all had Bailey and worked the same hours, we got used to it."

"But now, you all have different shifts," he said, and I don't want to be woken up like that every morning."

"Dr…Derek does that mean you're moving in?"

"Izzie…" Meredith scolded.

"What, I'm curious…he's here a lot…and he's probably right."

"Unless Meredith objects, it's fair to say I'll be here a lot of mornings, and I don't have to be up as early as you do."

"But you're going to be up anyway," Meredith whispered, "if you're sleeping in my bed, or would you prefer I don't wake you in the mornings."

"Ok…Mer, there's a room upstairs…we'll be quiet…but we don't have to witness your make up sex," Izzie joked.

"Stevens, it's a deal. Your silence…" Derek started.

"Wait…if we're making rules," George walked in and joined in the conversation, "talking about silence…it applies to you too."

"George!!" Meredith exclaimed, though she was going along with the banter.

"What, it's only fair."

"George, we're not even going to be living here."

"There's a few weeks before you move Lexie, believe me, you want them to agree," Izzie laughed.

"Silence is golden, I take it is not a philosophy Meredith & Derek believe in."

"Dude…not even close," Alex snorted.

"Ok…children go on to work…we'll see you there" Derek said and joking added, "but, you're right about the silence on our end, we'll buy you earplugs so Meredith's snoring doesn't continue to bother you," and the room echoed with laughter as he wrapped his arms around her and the others left.

"So much for sleeping another half hour," she said.

"It's like having teenage kids," he joked, as he got up and extended his hand to her and they went to her room to get ready for work.

"Aren't you going to get a bit more sleep," she asked.

"No, I'll fix us both some breakfast and go in early, I have plenty to catch up on."

"Oh, so you want to ride in together?"

"Yeah, we can do that, I'll see you downstairs," he said as he kissed her before she went in to shower.

"Derek," she said as they sat across from each other at the kitchen table, "when we fell asleep on the couch, I woke up with this feeling…"

"Please tell me it's a good feeling, Meredith we don't do well with buts and feelings."

"This was…surprising…but nice," she smiled.

"Are you going to tell me," he teased, as he got up and

"It feels as though I'm going to meet your Mom…very soon…but it's odd, because it seems like it's not here…don't you find that odd."

"Uhmmm."

"Derek…is there something you're keeping from me?" she asked, immediately suspicious.

"No."

"You are too…"

"I can honestly tell you I have no plans for us going to see my mom anytime soon, if she shows up…that's another story."

"It's not here…" she said, and got up and started picking up the dishes, "which reminds me I did not send her message, I want to do that before we leave."

"Go, I'll finish this," he said and finished cleaning up the kithchen.

Meredith stood at the computer, once again reading the message she'd received and satisfied with her reply hit send.

_Hello dear,_

_I know it will be a few days before you read this, but I wanted to reply right away._

_Kathleen told me you and Derek are away and no, she did not give me details, nor did I ask. I prefer that you share it with me when you are ready. _

_You say that you are not ready for emotional intimacy, but Meredith you have already began to do so by sharing what is in your heart, and I hope it reflects the trust upon which we will build our relationship. Oh, sweetheart, knowing there is sadness in your heart breaks my own, and I wish I could be there just to give you a hug, and my son too, but I sense you would need that just a little more. _

_You have truly warmed my heart Meredith, and you never need to thank me for doing what I have been doing for so long, mothering and loving my children. _

_Now, don't listen to Kathleen. She's probably told you not to respond too quickly and spoil it for the rest of them, LOL. You're in my prayers, love, Mom. _

_Dear Mrs. S,_

_You are determined to make me sentimental, and I'm really good avoiding and hiding that. _

_Derek and I got back Tuesday and now back at work. Our hearts are healing…truly they are, and our sadness is more bearable. I (we) will share that with you soon. _

_You were right, he was reading over my shoulder the other day, and wanted to tell Mark & Kat you are aware of their deceit (LOL), but he promised me he would not. I didn't want you to think you can't trust me or that I'm going to let him read all my emails, but that first one to you…was very important, and I wanted to make sure he thought it was respectful and appropriate, and I wanted to make a good impression…and I suppose I should not be telling you this…so I will stop…and I am looking forward to seeing you soon. We are sending you something in the mail. _

_I really would have loved your hug, but Derek would need it just as much, Meredith_

_p.s. Derek was reading behind me, before I realized it and I wanted you to know, he agreed, both of us…would need your hug. _

Derek walked up to her and put his arms around her, "ready?"

"Yes," she said smiling, and as the words reflected back to her before she signed out she sensed that she would be sharing her dream with his mother much sooner than she'd ever imagined.

"Hey," he said, before they walked out the door, "how bad is it now?"

"Three…maybe less…after our conversation."

"Much better," he said and held her in his embrace, and softly kissed her.

"What about you?"

"Perfect…right now, at this very moment, we've talked…we've had doubts and fears surface and deal with them, " he said and ran his hand through her hair, "right now at this moment it's perfect."

"For me too," she said smiling and softly brushed his lips with hers.

"Meredith, I've got a feeling too…" he said.

"Derek…"

"Remember…my hints…"

"Yes…VIPB…"

"I've got a feeling you're going to know exactly what they meant very soon," he teased her as he reached for her hand and they walked out the door.


	125. Chapter 125

**Ch 123 – Sadness overcome**

"Derek," she said as he opened the car door for her, "I just realized, it's not practical for us to drive in together."

"Why not?"

"I have my appointment, and that will probably run till after seven, and I was wondering," she hesitated, "maybe we could sleep at your place, and have some privacy, after my …"

"After your therapy session, we will drive home, that's not a problem," he said and waited for her to get in the car.

"But, I have to be in at eight tomorrow and you don't, so I should have my car."

"Meredith, you're going to be late, let's go. I'll drive, I have a lot of things to catch up with at the hospital, especially with the time off…" he stopped before he told her about their upcoming trip, he wanted to make sure all the arrangements were made first.

"Are you sure?"

"Yes."

"Ok," she said unable to hide her smile.

"Does that smile mean you've been manipulating my response this entire time?" he teased her.

"What…no…how could you think that," she sounded offended.

"I don't, relax…" he said and kissed her softly, "I'm happy you're smiling…"

"I like this time with you," she admitted when he got behind the driver's seat.

"So do I…ideally we'll be doing that a lot together, when we have the house built."

"That may not always work Derek, our schedules are really all over the place."

"When we can we will, I used to love the time with you on the ferry."

She reached out her hand, "you don't enjoy that as much anymore."

"Not since the crash," he admitted, lacing their fingers.

"We'll have new memories…from now on…good memories Derek."

"Meredith, are you ok with us building on the land, I've been thinking, you haven't brought up the house plans again, and if you really don't want to, we can always look in the city, we don't have to build on Bainbridge."

"What? You love that land, and it's beautiful…you don't really want to give that up."

"I want to build our home where you'll be happy, and not worry…about cliffs and bears."

"Derek, the bears…and the cliff…I've been sort of teasing you. But Derek, are you now saying you think it could be a problem, and you're worried about it too," she said so seriously, he wasn't sure if laughing would be appropriate.

"No," he said and in just in that one word was not able to hide his amusement.

"You're laughing at me…again," she said.

"No, I'm not…I meant what I said, we don't have to build there, our home can be wherever you want, and where we're not totally dependent on the ferry schedule or the very long drive around, but Meredith, to hear you ask if I was worried too, about bears and cliffs, it was funny that was all."

"I don't think it's funny at all…and if you're worrying about it too…we have to think about it, and the ferry is not a problem…I prefer that to sitting in traffic."

"I am not worried about bears and cliffs," he insisted while caressing her hand, "do you think I would ever jeopardize the safety of our family? Your safety or our kids?"

"No," she admitted, "but…"

"I can live anywhere Meredith, as long as you're happy."

"I feel the same way, and I love your land Derek…"

"It's our land."

"Our land…our magical place…remember," she smiled.

"Always," he said and leaned in to kiss her lips softly while they waited at the light.

"Derek, when we were talking earlier, about you going home."

"Uhmmm."

"We already told Jenna we'd be home for the baptism, and I'm going to do that…I will…but that's months away, I just meant, right now, I think you should go…and that's what I may not be quite ready for."

"We can wait…I told you, even for the baptism, we can wait."

"I don't want to wait…I mean, for the baptism, it will be bittersweet, but we'll be there together, and we have Kathleen…and by then…your Mom will know…so it will be easier, and you can't hurt Jenna by not going…but…I still think you need to go home…and maybe…maybe…in a couple of months…we can go there, for a long weekend…we can go…to your home…and I can meet the rest of your family."

"I would like that," he said truly touched by her efforts, though he knew it was unlikely they'd get, well, that she'd get any more time off, but she would not know about that for another day.

"I…I'll get ready…with Dr. Wyatt…about other things…and that should make me be able to deal with Nancy…" she smiled.

"I think Nancy is the one that is going to have to be ready to deal with you…after Kat & Mom get through with her," he laughed.

"What's your schedule like today?"

"I have two surgeries, maybe a third depending on the patient's test results this morning. What about you?"

"Stuck in the pit, today and tomorrow Bailey would not budge, then I have the weekend off, which I'm really looking forward to, maybe we can spend it just the two of us, and we can go back to looking at those plans."

"The plans all three of you trashed," he added.

"We did not," she smiled, "it was…maybe a Victorian house is not what we had in mind, you already know about that, we just need to look at it again, and you know…talk about…when…when you really want to start building."

"I already know that, Meredith, I don't want to waste another day."

"You think we've been wasting time…"

"Oh…no…we are not having that conversation…you are not going to dissect every word and connotation. I don't want to waste more time, because, we need to take advantage of the weather…and it's already the end of March, and the driest months are coming up and I want to take advantage of that time so we can have our house ready by the Fall."

"Fall? As in this year? How is it going to get built so fast?"

"Yes…as in this year…I forgot to tell you about my conversation with John."

"John, as in Mulligan, I noticed you were very chummy."

"I wasn't chummy, we were being friendly, Meredith."

"Chummy…friendly…whatever…"

"They own the most important construction company in Seattle, the state really, and he offered his help."

"He just offered his help," she asked a bit skeptical, "he has no idea we're building a house, and he just offered."

"You need to be less suspicious of everything…seriously."

"Seriously…Derek…you tell me half a story and I'm supposed to understand…"

"If you didn't always interrupt, I could tell you the whole story…"

"Idiot…" she said under breath, "seriously."

"Ah…that's the woman I love," he joked.

"Derek…"

"I spent a lot of time with them yesterday, and we started talking, people do talk Meredith, and I'd seen Richard and I thanked them for their support, and I told him some of my plans…and well he offered to help speed things up."

"So, you just started talking and now you're best of friends."

"His daughter is alive Meredith," he said in a more serious tone, "he is genuinely grateful."

"I'm not questioning that, of course he is…I just don't understand how you started talking about building our house."

"Oh…well, I guess it had to do with the ferries…they live on Bainbridge too."

"Really?"

"Really…in fact, not far from our land."

"Really?"

"Yes and Kelly who never seems to miss anything, she's a really smart kid," he added before she interrupted.

"She is a smart kid, she's beautiful Derek and so special."

"Yes, she is. She wanted to know if she could visit us."

"But we don't have a house…or anything…she'd want to play and there's nothing."

"We have forty acres and a lake, they do too by the way and waterfront property, and even larger plot of land, but she was fascinated by the idea of a trailer."

"She does not miss anything."

"No, she does not…so…"

"So…you told her she could visit when we build or house."

"Not really."

"Derek, that's mean, why not…I wouldn't mind if she came to visit, she'd adorable and…I feel something special…like we were supposed to meet her."

"Meredith, I said she could visit now…soon…after she's out of the hospital."

"Oh…" she said and remained quietly very briefly, "are you…Derek, are you out of your mind, I …she can't visit now, I'm no good at dealing with kids…and now…well, what would we do, well you know about kids you have three dozen nieces and nephews, but me, now…it's too soon, we don't have anywhere for her to play…or toys or anything…"

"Meredith," he said, "breathe."

"Yes…I'm breathing…you moron."

"Meredith, she can come visit, John and Colleen will be there just for a little while, when she's better, she can play outside…kids love that, we can buy some plastic bubble bottles and she will love that, kids love that making bubbles and chasing after them."

"That makes sense," she said and he wondered if it they would ever have a simple straight forward conversation without the circuitous routes they always seemed to take.

"Feel better," he said and squeezed her hand.

"Yes…I never got to play with those you know," she said and it tore at his heart.

"Well, we're going to have to fix that, we'll get a bottle for you too," he added and felt the gentle squeeze of his hand and her caress.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"Understanding my ramblings…"

"I love your ramblings."

"Right," she teased.

"I do…really…they keep my mind alert at all times."

"I'm not sure about that…but we'll go with it for now," she said and they both laughed.

"Now going back to our original conversation…before our detour…see why I'm sure we'll have our first Christmas together in our new home?"

"Christmas…you haven't enjoyed them…the last few…"

"Yeah…Christmas…it's to spend with those you love… and I haven't, not since…"

"You're not going to want to go home, visit your family?"

"Meredith…you…you are who I want to send it with, being with you…that is what will make this Christmas special."

"In our new home…with those you love ..." she said with melancholy.

"With the love of my life…in our new home," he said and noticing the tone in her voice, continued in a joking manner, "on the cliff…with a security fence…and tiny bears looking inside the living room window at the bright lights on our Christmas tree with lots of presents…while their parents are looking for food, not of the human kind …"

"And we'll have to let them in from the cold…and have special chairs and beds the right size while you cook porridge on the stove," she went along with him, before their laughter filled the small confines of the car.

"I love to hear your laugh," he said just as he brought his car to a stop in his assigned parking spot, and she leaned over to kiss him.

"I love to hear yours too," she said and waited for him to open her door, and reached for his hand as he helped her out of the car and walked holding hands until they reached the nurse's station.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd we've missed you around here, it's good to have you back."

"Good morning Amy Lynn, fill us in…what's the latest at Seattle Grace," Derek asked.

"This and that," she said, "you know how it's never boring around here."

"You're holding back on us?" he said.

"Not at all Dr. Shepherd, she's just been out of the loop, so she can't really fill you in," Steph chimed in hoping to avoid discussing the newest round of gossip and in doing so caught Mark's attention.

"Steph, what is going on…the FAB4 are always on top of things," Mark commented.

"Dr. Grey it's so good to see you, we've missed both of you around here, and what Amy and Steph don't want to say is that the latest gossip is about Dr. Sloan, they want to spare Tracy's feelings, but, since I can blame anything on hormones…I thought it would be right for me to speak up."

"What is going on," Tracy asked, certain there was more to the story than this attempt at diversion of the real story, but going along with it.

"Well, if you must know," Amy Lynn stated, "seems too eager McSteamy here was openly flirting at Joe's with Dr. Grey, Lexie that is, and right in front of your eyes Tracy, so the bets are how long before he goes out with Lexie, and if he'll be dating you both."

Mark and Tracy started laughing and Tracy said, "that is priceless, Mark we should feed that…make some money on this, cause you're just about ready to lose on the 23 days."

"Who says…" he asked, "Mer it's been what…since you're back together…22 days…I've got one more day…and I'm not sure if I'm going to lose."

"You and your bets. Mark Sloan I've already warned you, you are too old for my sister, and Tracy how can you play along with him."

"Dr. Grey…we were playing around last night, and we all knew it would lead to new gossip…and I really don't care what is being said out there…but, if he goes behind my back…I can guarantee he'd wish it was only the old club that was against him," she stated boldly.

"Good for you Tracy, he's too damn cocky for his own good."

"I love you too Mer," Mark said as he came around and kissed her check.

"You'd better be joking…when you've flirting with Lexie," she stated.

"Tracy, are you going to just stand there," he asked.

"Yes, I'm agreeing with her."

"Women," he said, "you all just stick together, whether you're right or not."

"Mark," Derek commented, "you'd better quit while you're ahead.

"I'm always ahead Shep…always…" Mark quipped backed.

"Ladies, it was nice to see you all and it's good to be back. I have to go meet my interns," Meredith said and leaned over to kiss Derek softly on the lips before walking away.

"Ok, what the hell was that about," Derek asked, "you all clearly stayed away from talking about what the gossip is all about."

"Dr. Shepherd, we didn't see Dr. Grey yesterday, but you should know, it seems…and now this is only speculation, there's been a few comments about the two of you going away together to try to save your relationship, and that you are probably breaking up because…"

"WHAT?" both Derek and Mark said simultaneously.

"I didn't hear that," Tracy said.

"Of course you didn't, everyone knows you're dating Dr.Sloan."

"What does he have to do with them breaking up."

"Yes, indeed," Derek said angrily.

"Don't kill the messenger…messengers really, we're only telling you what she's sure to hear."

"What else and how the hell do people make these assumptions?" Derek asked.

"That you're probably breaking up, because some people saw her yesterday and she had been crying and looked very sad, and that it probably meant the two of you had not been able to work things out while you were away and now you are trying to break it to her slowly, and also…well…"

"Spit it out Amy Lynn," Mark told her.

"It's been a while since there's any talk of marriage, and there's a rumor going around that Dr. Sloan said it would be two years because he knows you have no intention of marrying her."

"That is all I need for Meredith to hear right now," Derek said.

They had all been so involved in the conversation that none realized Meredith had been standing nearby and heard the last of the speculations going around.

"Dr. Shepherd," she said, "I'm sorry to interrupt," she said with cold detachment in her voice, "but one of my interns has been assigned to your surgery later today and they're here with the family," she indicated to the three people behind her.

He was at her side immediately, "do not," he said in barely a whisper, "do not use …"

"I can't…I can't do this right now, please…"

"Good morning," he said, "I'm Dr. Shepherd, I'll be with you in a few moments. I need to discuss another case with Dr.Grey and review how the patient is doing this morning," he finished and left her no option but to follow him to the small private room near the station.

"Meredith, you do not get to use that tone with me…no matter what you heard, we're not doing this, these misunderstandings…we're not going to allow this to affect us."

"I heard enough, and I was only being professional," she said without looking at him.

"You," he said, as he reached out and touched her face, "were cold and distant, and chose to believe that what they say is true…that Mark knows something."

"Does he?" she said letting all her guards down.

"What do you think?"

"I don't know," she said still not looking at him.

"You don't know…" he said as he held reached out and gently pushed her hair away from her face, and held her face in his hands, "look at me."

She finally looked into his eyes, "do you…do you want to break things off slowly, now…now that there's no baby…"

He was quiet, at first he was angered, unable to understand why she would think this, but quickly reacted to the knowledge that her hormones were still playing havoc with her emotions.

"Oh, God…" she said in soft whimper, "no…don't…don't tell me," and he saw tears gather in her eyes and his heart felt her pain at the possibility of what it would mean for them to be apart again.

He spoke slowly, enunciating each word as he held her face forcing her to look at him,

"I …should be…very angry …with you…and I was…but I realized that you are reacting this way…I am trusting that you are reacting this way because your hormones are not back to normal…but…if that were not the case…I would be angry and most of all very sad, that you still do not trust me…"

"That's…that's…what you think…"

"No, I believe…I have to believe in my heart…that you know I love you…that you are the most important person in my life…that you are the love of my life…and that none of those things you heard are true, because if you don't…then Meredith…the last few weeks have been a farce."

"I don't…I don't believe them…but…Derek…" she admitted, "I'm a mess…I'm trying…I am…but…I'm sad…Derek…I'm so sad…and I feel so empty…like such a failure, and today I have therapy, and there's so many emotions…oh Derek…so many things you don't know about…and all those emotions are there and I don't know that I can deal with all of this, but I'm going to have to, there's things Derek that I haven't talked about ever…and I'm going to have to…and then I heard that…and the best way I know to deal with things…is by avoiding them…and putting up walls…and I am…I trust you…I do…I trust that you love me…but today, to hear that today with everything else going through my head, I…I'm not that strong."

"You…are the strongest woman I know…don't you ever forget that in my eyes you are extraordinary…"

"I'm not…I'm …"

"You are…and I wish you could talk to me about all those things that cause you this much pain…but I understand that it's not easy…I know…because I'm realizing I too have a lot of emotions kept hidden away, but Meredith, you and I we need to talk about these things…we will talk to each other about these things…these painful truths that we have not dealt with, and we are going to be that much stronger…as a couple, and I am never going to let you pull away from me again…so don't try it…because it's not going to work."

She listened to him and the tears never stopped, then he wiped them away and kissed her softly and she kissed him back and then wrapped her arms around his neck and rested in the comfort of his embrace.

"I love you Derek, and I'm just emotional and hormonal and it's not helping it all coincided."

"That's ok…that's why it's important we communicate…no more assumptions, ok?"

"Ok," she said with a half smile.

"Now…is there something you do want to share with me now, about what you're feeling…what you were thinking when you heard those comments."

"At first when I heard the comment, it's right Derek…part of it, I was sad…and I don't seem to be able to hide it, and I did cry … more than once yesterday…and I can't expect people to understand that it has nothing to do with us."

"It's none of their business, and it's really pissing me off the way this hospital runs on gossip," he said angrily, but she could see there was also a lot of emotions he too kept to himself.

"It's always been that way, we're not going to change that now," she said softly, "don't be angry, those people don't matter, not when we have so many people that care about us."

"You're right…even the nurses…the fab4, they were not gossiping, they actually tried to keep it away from us."

"See…that's what I mean…our friends matter Derek, the rest, let's not worry about."

He smiled, "very wise."

"You're mocking me…but, I don't care…I realize I overreacted."

"You reacted…just as I should expect, until you are really ok physically."

"Why…why don't you speak to the family, and then…Derek…I'm going to tell them, let them know why I've been sad…I want them to know about our baby."

"Meredith…you don't have to."

"She was our baby…and she's gone…and I want them to know how very much we loved her," she said.

"If that's what you want," he said and she saw the tears in his eyes.

"My baby…Derek…my little girl…our little angel…I need to acknowledge that loss, and I think that will help…Derek…to lessen this sadness," she said and held his face in her hands and kissed him.

"I'll be right back, are you going to be ok?"

"Yes," she said and when he walked out gave in to the need to cry.

Derek walked to the nurse's station, "Meredith and I …" he said seriously, "we'd like to speak to all of you…I'm going to speak to the family, and when I get back, if you could get this desk covered, we'd appreciate it if we can speak to all of you."

"Shep," Mark asked, "what is going on?"

"Can you hang around, be there too?"

"Yeah, you ok?" Mark questioned, and Derek simply nodded.

"Mark," Tracy said breaking the eerie silence, "something's wrong, isn't it?"

"Oh, no, Dr. Sloan, don't tell us that those rumors…that gossip…she was so upset…don't tell us they're breaking up."

"AmyLynn, I'm not sure what exactly they want to talk to us about, I'm not sure at all," he said hoping nothing had gone wrong between them.

Meredith had composed herself and was sitting with her head resting on the back of the chair with her eyes closed, and didn't hear Mark come in.

"Meredith," he said and walked to stand by her, "is everything ok?"

"Mark…yes…it's going to be."

"You've been crying, your eyes are red and puffy…I'm worried about you."

"You've been …thank you…for all your support," she said and got teary eyed again.

"Grey, come on, don't cry…what did he do…I swear if he screwed this up," he said.

"What…Mark…what are you talking about?"

"You and Shep…he was so serious…did he screw this up again?"

"No, but we had a very important talk."

"You're not breaking up are you?"

"Why…did he say that?"

"No…but…ok, wait a minute, you're not going to get all hormonal on me, is this what this is about?"

"You ass," she said and swatted him lightly just as Derek opened the door.

"What's going on?"

"Mark…he's been hanging around you too long," she joked.

"You ok," Derek said.

"Yes."

"What did he catch?"

"She called me an ass."

"Oh that."

"Ok, you two…what the hell's going on? Grey, you walk up to Shep all cold and bitchy…"

"I did not."

"Yeah, you did…"

"Mark," Derek warned.

"Don't, Mark…me…and you, walk out there with the look of doom and gloom and wanting to talk to the FAB4…what's going on?"

"I'm going to tell them about my miscarriage, so they understand," Meredith said.

"You want to do that?" Mark asked shocked that she'd share something so intimate.

"Yes, I do," she said and reached for Derek's hand, "and I appreciate your concern and friendship very much," she said and kissed Mark's cheek.

"Ok, then," he said trying to hide his emotion at her words, "I'll get the ladies."

"I love you Meredith," Derek said and held her briefly before she sat down, and the four women walked in, and they made Lisette take the other chair.

Derek was the first to speak, "as you may have guessed, Meredith overhead part of our conversation."

"Oh, Dr. Shephered…Dr. Grey, I am so sorry," Amy Lynn said.

"We were not trying to gossip," Steph added.

"We know that," Derek said, "and we are very aware of how supportive you've been, since we began our attempt to reconcile, and now, that things have not gone exactly the way we expected, we wanted you to know …"

"Dr. Grey…we weren't gossiping, if that made a difference, what you heard…and you and Dr.Shepherd are breaking up, we did not mean for you to hear that, we wanted to keep that from you," Steph jumped in.

"What is it with everyone around you Shep, that they all jump to the wildest conclusions."

"We're not breaking up," Derek said, "quite the contrary," he assured them while he was seating on the arm of Meredith's chair and reached for her hand. "But there's been a lot happening in our lives, and Meredith, after what happened today wanted to share that with you."

"Thank God," they heard all four nurses echo.

"You, each of you," Meredith spoke softly, "has been so kind during the time Derek and I have tried to work on our relationship, and I will always be grateful, when there were so many just waiting for us to fail, and we haven't…in spite of all that's happened, we haven't failed, even when I know I've put him through the ringer."

"I'll say…still are," Mark muttered.

"Mark…" Derek warned him, "I'd be careful."

"When I heard your comments today, what people are saying about me walking around being sad and crying, I jumped to conclusions first, but then realized that I had to deal with that reality…and the right thing to do was to share this with you, because, it's something that's not going to go away in just a couple days time," she said and Derek could hear her voice began to quiver, and reached down to kiss her.

"When Meredith and I broke up this last time, we realized how very much we love each other and that we wanted to do everything we could to make it work, but we did not expect that there were could be other changes in our lives, and about ten days ago found out she was pregnant."

"Dr. Grey…that's wonderful," Lisette said, "that explains the crying…hormones do all of those things, when are you due?"

"Probably would have been due around the same time as you," Meredith said with deep sadness in her voice, "but…the reason we were away, the days we took off…was because I had a miscarriage," she said quietly and the room was totally silent.

"Mark," Tracy whispered softly, and placed her hand on his shoulder, knowing he was deeply affected by this.

"Dr. Grey…" Lisette spoke first, "I am so sorry…I should have waited…not said anything…I'm so very sorry for your loss."

"It's ok Lisette…you had no way of knowing," Derek told her.

"After…" Meredith cleared her throat, "after I heard what you said today, I told Derek, I needed…wanted to share that with you… that my tears, the sadness I feel…it's…I don't know how long it's going to take for it to go away, so I expect people will talk…and I just …I wanted you to know…it's not about us…about us breaking up, but the sadness in our hearts…in mine…it's over losing our baby."

Silence filled the small room for several minutes and then Derek spoke. "Very few people know, in fact most did not find out until after the fact, but, so you know, it's Dr. Webber and Bailey and Meredith's friends, Yang, Stevens, Karev and O'Malley."

"And our sisters, Kathleen and Lexie…" Meredith added, "and Mark…Mark knew…from the very beginning, he guessed, and we told him…because he was going to be our baby's godfather," she said and reached for this hand, "he was going to be a wonderful godfather," she said softly, and all witnessed the tears that gathered in his eyes.

In the minutes that followed each of the four nurses expressed their regret over the loss of Meredith and Derek's child, and walked away silently committed to guarding the privacy of these two very special people even more than they had before.

Mark remained behind and embraced them both, "you were very brave, and I think you've just earned the loyalty and respect of those four ladies for years to come," and then joked, "I can just see the bets now…and how they're going to react to it," he offered, knowing humor was the best way to deal with the myriad of emotions he'd experienced witnessing the love and sadness expressed by two people he loved, his brother and his future sister.

"Mark," she said, "you're the best of brothers."

"You, are one extraordinary lady," he said and hugged her, "and one day, Meredith, one day…I am going to be so proud and honored to hold your child, my brother's child and know it is my godchild."


	126. Chapter 126

**Chapter 124 – Reminders**

Meredith was grateful the pit had been overflowing with patients, making the rest of the morning hours pass quickly and allowing her to put all sadness behind her, until close to one o'clock, when after taking a moment to visit the ladies room, she was faced with the inevitable reminder that brought all emotions to the surface.

"Mer," she heard Cristina call out to her, "I haven't seen you all day."

"I've been covering the pit," she said distracted and distant.

"Hey, are you ok?"

"Yeah…I'm fine."

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No…really, I'm fine."

"Mer, you're not."

"It's ok Cristina," she said and her friend noticed the tears in her eyes.

"Mer, you can cry…and I told you…I'd be here."

Cristina's words were her undoing, "I…I didn't know this would be so hard," she said and looked away.

"Come on, take a break."

"I can't… I have…"

"Come on," she said and led her to an empty patient's room and they both sat on the newly made bed, and after a while Meredith finally spoke.

"Thank you, for making the effort with Derek it means a lot to me."

"He and I, we have an understanding."

"Oh yeah…" Meredith questioned.

"We called a truce…before…when he came to talk to me."

"Before I lost the baby."

"Yes."

"He's been wonderful Cristina…I could not have gotten through this without him."

"Yes, you could have…you would have…"

"Cristina, why do you do that? Why do you undermine him?"

"I'm not…Meredith, I meant, you are strong enough to have gotten through it, and we'd have helped you…all of us…you're the strongest person I know…an avoider…but still…"

"But don't you see…that is all fine…I know I have all of you, but Derek is who I needed…during that time, only him. Why it is you can't accept that he loves me, Cristina… you knew how much I loved him, how being apart from him…every night I spent away from him, I couldn't sleep…I had panic attacks…you knew I loved him…why didn't you support me…why didn't you tell me he wanted to take care of me…instead of telling him you were…as though I didn't need him, why Cristina, why knowing all the crap I've had in my life…when I told you that same day, that I had not changed anything …after my experience when I drowned, why didn't you tell me to just be open to him, to tell him how I felt…to take a chance on loving him…instead of watching me wait weeks and weeks until it was almost too late?"

"He'd always let you down…I thought I was looking out for you…doing what was best, instead of having to pick up the pieces again."

"Was that such a burden…picking up the pieces…that just when I was falling apart you weren't there…you chose instead to see all that was wrong as I was desperately trying to make things work with Derek?"

"I didn't know…I didn't know you were pregnant."

"That had nothing to do with us getting back together Cristina, and don't you dare even suggest it."

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you did. We were together again, tumultuous as it was and were trying to find a way …no, not trying, we were finding the way to make things work, and when there was no doubt in our minds we were committed to each other, to wanting a lifetime together, then we found out I was pregnant…I did not even suspect it…and then a few days after that, it was over.

"I'm sorry…"

"Don't be sorry…just tell me if you are going to be there for me, be my person…or you're going to have conditions, because Cristina, Derek and I we're not letting anything get in the way of our future together, and if you can't accept and be civil to him… and stop with the continuous sarcasm and hurtful words…you don't really care about me."

"I care a hell of a lot Meredith, and for that reason I'm here…when I don't do touchy feely sentimental crap, I'm here because you're hurting, and I saw it in your eyes, and I told you he and I have a truce…and I told him you would not have to choose…and I know…if you did…it would be him."

"I don't want to choose…shouldn't have to."

"You won't have too…you're my friend…my sister…I'm your person Meredith, and I can see…the way he's been with you…I know that he loves you."

"Do you know, that the day…the night I lost the baby…he held me, never let go of me and he soothed me and whispered to me, through unbearable hours of pain and silence just waiting…waiting in his arms for our baby to be gone," she said and did nothing to stop the flow of tears, "he held me as my body failed to keep my baby safe…and told me he loved me and reassured me it was not my fault and that no matter what he would always be there, and he has been, and I believe he won't let me down again…"

"Mer…I am…truly sorry that you lost the baby."

"He held me Cristina…until…it was done…and all he has done since that moment is take care of me and love me…and be there for me, even though he's hurting too…it was his baby too Cristina…"

"Do you …do you need a hug?"

"Yes," she said and found herself briefly embraced by Cristina, and then saw the tears in her eyes. "Thank you…I need you…and I know when he came looking for you…he did it for me."

"I know he did."

"Give him a chance…please, because I'm not going to let anyone…undermine what we feel for each other again."

"Mer…do I have to be all sweet, well definitely not sweet…we know that's reserved for Rose and her candy eating addiction, but do I need to be in awe of McDreamy like most of the female population in this hospital," she said desperately trying to get away from the overly emotional conversation.

"You don't get it, do you…why would you bring her up, why when I've sharing with you how devastating it was to lose my baby, do you have to bring her up, when you damn well know not that long ago, I felt he chose her over me…why are you so insensitive?"

"It wasn't intentional, I was trying to make light of it all."

"If I thought it was intentional, I would not continue to talk to you right now."

"I'm not sure what to say."

"Cristina, that night at Joe's," Meredith said, unwilling to let it go any longer, "since you've just brought her up again, why would you imply that he'd walked out with her? Did my feelings mean so little to you that you had to make it sound like he wanted to go, that I was not important enough to wait for me?"

"I wasn't thinking of your feelings Mer, it was just a comment, that's what had happened."

"What you just said, that you weren't thinking about my feelings, it's what I don't understand, why do you always have to be so callous, and I'm sorry, if saying this hurts you…but, you don't give an inch…you are always so quick to judge…and you must realize that sometimes you need to think about what you say…that you do have to think about other people's feelings."

"I did not think it was such a big deal."

"That night, Cristina, your comment…it almost destroyed us."

"Mer, don't me so melodramatic."

"No, Cristina. I am not being melodramatic. Your comment, and maybe I was a lot more sensitive at that moment than I might have been at other times, and that comment…made me feel and say things that I thought he would never forgive me."

"Come on Meredith…it could not have been that bad."

"I told him that the day I drowned, the way he'd just made feel, I would have rather joined my mother…"

"Meredith," she exclaimed and remained speechless.

Meredith continued, ignoring her reaction, "and that night, he walked away, broken in spirit…we both were broken and in pain, and I has just found out that afternoon that I was pregnant, and that night…it was almost over between us, because of your thoughtless comment."

"What do you want me to say?"

"I don't want you to say anything. I want you to understand how some of your comments affect others…how not thinking about other's feelings, can have heartbreaking consequences …even with your patients Cristina, I know…I know you care deeply about things…and you keep it all bottled up and don't show it, and I can't help but believe you feel you have to hide your emotions, that you can't let them be seen, but you have to Cristina, that is no way to live."

"You're reprimanding me and playing shrink?"

"No, I'm telling you that you need to be more sensitive, that just as I can't avoid things forever, neither can you. And, that night, your implications made me hurt him so much, I hurt so much, I truly questioned if I had been better of…"

"Meredith, you have no right to feel that way."

"No right…have you forgotten the life I've had…have you any idea how I felt, when it seemed that he'd chosen someone else over me again, and I had just found I was pregnant, and we'd been talking about it, and we were happy…but just one careless and thoughtless moment made me believe it had meant nothing to him, that perhaps the only reason he was being so attentive was because he thought I could be pregnant…and I had been happy…and I had gone to Joe's full of expectations and with just one sentence …"

"I am sorry."

"It's fine…we can put it behind us, but you need to stop and think Cristina, and be more sensitive to people…and if you don't care enough about others, at least show me you care enough about me."

"I've been trying."

"Yes, you have, and I appreciate that, but I had to say something, had to make you see, how things …simple words…affect people," and she became teary eyed.

"Do you need another hug?"

"I thought you didn't do hugs?"

"Don't change the subject."

"You did…and maybe it was good…that I got to tell you how I felt."

"Mer…when I saw you earlier, do you need to talk about what happened…what had made you so sad?"

Meredith took a deep breath, "I had a doctor's appointment yesterday…and today, I'd almost been able to forget for several hours…but, just now…when I left the ladies room…it sort of all came back, it does you know, when I least expect it, all the emotions…just come rushing back."

"What…happened?"

"I'm still spotting."

"Shouldn't it have stopped already, it's been a week already…is that ok?"

"It can happen, Dr. Cameron was not concerned."

Cristina observed her friend for several seconds, "do you need to cry?"

"I can't really control it," she said as tears had gathered in her eyes, emotions not only as a result of hormones, but the unusual sensitivity Cristina had expressed.

"It's ok you know, if you have to…"

"You read what Alex and Mark gave you," she said and gave her a half smile.

"We all did, we want to make sure you're ok, and that we were, you know supportive."

"Thank you for that."

"Are you ok, to go back to work now?"

"Yes," she said getting up, and for the second time that day, Cristina briefly and awkwardly hugged her friend.

"I'll try to be sensitive."

"That's all I'm asking," she said with a half smile.

"Meredith, what is that?"

"What?"

"The necklace you're wearing."

"It's from Derek…"

"He bought you another gift?"

"Cristina…"

"I'm just saying…the lavender…and this…"

"It was a very special gift."

"It's very pretty…and two hearts…he, he must have thought about it a lot."

"He did…"

"I'm sure he said something sentimental and overly corny, but that's good…that's very good."

"It was Cristina…it was a very special moment for us."

Meredith went back to the pit, surprised she had not seen Derek in hours, and even more so when she went to his office and found it locked.

"Meredith."

"Chief," she turned, "he's not here."

"Oh, I know, he's been trying to get everything finished before the trip."

"Trip?"

"Did I say trip…I meant catching up with everything since you were away on your trip…"

"Chief, is Derek going away," she asked, "he said you'd resolved your disagreement, but, maybe he just said that, and…" she paused, afraid to hear his answer, "he's leaving? He's resigned?"

"What? No, we did…we spoke we cleared things up, he's not leaving Meredith…he's not resigning, in fact, I expect he'll be here many years to come."

"I see."

"Meredith," he said, pulling her aside for privacy, "how are you ? Are you feeling ok? I am sorry…very sorry about your baby."

"Thank you…and yes…yes…I'll be fine," she said, "I'm glad, glad you and Derek worked things out."

"I'm sorry Meredith, about that day, about pulling him into surgery, but…"

"It's ok…it was the right thing to do, he saved Kelly's life as he was meant to do."

"I appreciate that you are so understanding."

"I've got to run, I'm going to go grab something for lunch."

"Meredith…whatever you need, please, let me or Dr. Bailey know."

"Yes sir."

He watched her walked away and realized he was responsible for the slump in her shoulders, "crap," he muttered, "he's going to kill me," and turned coming face to face with Derek.

"Who's going to kill you, whose life did you meddle in now?"

"Ah…nobody, I'm not meddling."

"Richard, I know you too well, what did you do now," he prompted, and Richard told him the conversation with Meredith.

"Oh, shit, Richard, you're becoming a old woman."

"Hey…"

"Couldn't keep your mouth shut."

"I thought she'd know by now."

"She doesn't…"

"Sorry…Shep, really…I meant no harm."

"No harm done, and I appreciate the time off, I do…"

"So…we, you and me…all's back to normal?"

"Yes, Richard…and by the way, while I'm away…don't let Mark talk you into having wild parties on my land," he said, and walked away laughing, hoping to find Meredith in the cafeteria, but had no luck and soon had to go into surgery.

"Hi Kelly, Mrs. Mulligan do you mind if I have my lunch while I visit?"

"Dr. Mewedith, you come back, I've got lots of stories to tell you."

"Dr. Shepherd was here earlier, and thinks she can go home tomorrow, she has not stopped talking about it."

"That's great, if he thinks she can go home so soon."

"It's wonderful news, Meredith…and we agreed it's Colleen especially since we're practically going to be neighbors."

"Mommy…Dr. Mewedith came to visit me…no grown up talk."

"Kelly…"

"I knows that Mommy, no talking when big people talk…but…Mommy…I have lots of stories to tell her…"

"Go ahead, you can tell her."

"Dr. Mewedith…I'm so excited…from here to the moon…"

"All that way…from here to the moon," Meredith asked as she gently brushed back the hair from her face, "you sound just like us grown ups talking."

"My grandpa says that," she giggled, "except sometimes when I can't say my words right."

"Oh, but I think you say your words just beautifully…"

"Dr. Mewedith…that's a hard one…"

"It will be easier, when you're older," Meredith told her.

"Mainly it's her r's, though not all of them," Colleen told her as she sat down on the reclining chair.

"Mommy, are you going to start knitting again," she asked as Colleen picked something up and had began to put it away.

"No sweetie."

"Why not, you always does that…when you sit there."

"I'll do it later Kelly, now we can talk to Dr.Meredith."

"Ok, Mommy, but don't forget, I get to give my aunt the baby blanket."

Meredith understood what had happened, "Colleen, you don't have to stop, because I'm here."

"I'm sorry…she doesn't realize."

"It's ok…I'm sure you knit beautifully, I tried it once, but just not good at it at all."

"Mommy, show Dr. Mewedith the blanket, cause it's beautiful."

"Why don't you tell her your stories, she's going to have to leave soon, and that way, she can eat her lunch while you talk to her."

"Ok, Mommy."

"Colleen, let me see, what you're knitting."

"Meredith…"

"It's ok…really."

"Dr. Mewedith, it's for my baby cousin…and when I'm a big girl I can baby sit."

"You can…and you're going to change diapers and feed the baby and all of that?"

"That's silly, only mommies feed the babies…just like Mommy fed Sean, and he would only have Mommy's milk…but now he has a bottle, and when I was a baby I had Mommy's milk too."

"Kelly, are you going to tell me your story," Meredith said sitting next to her and eating a yogurt.

"Oh yes…it's so exciting…Dr. Shep said I can go home tomowow, but I have to be very good…and pay attention to everything Mommy and Daddy tell me, cause I can't hurt my back…that's where he fixed me…and I pwomised…"

"That is very exciting…and I know you will be a very good girl."

"And he pwomised when he got back from his trip, I could go visit him…and you Dr. Mewedith…and that's the part that's from here to the moon…cause he lives in a twailer…"

Meredith did not react to the mention of the trip, but there must be something to it. Richard had mentioned it, and realized she was not aware of it, and now, maybe he'd decided to go home after all, and just hadn't told her, she thought as a deep empty feeling settled in her stomach.

"And he told me, Dr.Mewedith, he was going to get me bubbles…and I love bubbles…cause he doesn't have little kids…so there's no toys at the twailer."

"It's going to be wonderful, for you to visit Dr.Shep at his trailer," Meredith said, and was unable to keep the melancholy from her voice.

"Meredith, is everything ok?"

"Yes, Colleen, of course."

"Dr. Mewedith…isn't that cool…to live in a twailer…and go fishing and play with bubbles?"

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith smiled, "it's very cool."

"And he said we'd have a barbie something cause you can't cook, and I told him not to be silly cause all ladies can cook, and a Barbie is a doll."

Meredith laughed, "he was right Kelly, I'm not very good at cooking, but I'm a really good doctor."

"Wait till I tell Nana and Grandma Maggie, I don't have to cook to be a very good doctor like you and Dr. Lexie and Cwistina and Dr. B?"

"She's met everyone… Colleen, I take it, there's to be a barbecue…and Dr. B is Dr.Bailey?"

"You're very good, interpreting kids language…"

"Oh, no, I'm not good with kids at all."

"You really think that?"

"It's different with patients…"

"You're not talking to a patient," Colleen said softly.

"No, I'm not…she's a very special little girl, and I do want to see her, when she's out of the hospital."

"Of course you will, I told you, we're practically neighbors and you can drop by anytime, and when your house is built, I expect this one may want to drop by a lot…she's become very attached to you and Derek."

"Dr. Mewedith, Mommy…" Kelly interrupted wanting attention.

"Kelly, I'm going to come by and see you again tomorrow…ok?"

"You have to go?"

"Yes, sweetie, I have to work."

"Are you going to surgys like Dr. Shep?"

"No, I have to go see patients that are sick…and have to take care of them."

"Can't you come by again …before you go home?"

"I'm not sure I can today…I'm sorry, I have a meeting that's very important, and I'm not sure I'll finish before you fall asleep."

"You can come anyway…and I'll leave you the picture for you…cause it's not finished and I pwomised I was going to color a picture for you, just like I did for Dr.Shep," she said, and Meredith saw the little girl's tears, "don't you want your picture, Dr. Mewedith?"

"Kelly, sweetie, of course I want my picture…and it's ever so special because you're coloring it just for me, but you can give it to me when you're up tomorrow."

"It's ok," the little girl said, "Mommy, I'm tired now, can I sleep?"

"Of course you can, and Mommy may take a nap right along with you."

"Please mommy," she said and closed her eyes.

Meredith could not believe the change in the little girl, and it broke her heart that she had turned away from her.

"I'm going to go now Kelly, you have sweet dreams."

"Thank you," she answered curtly.

"Ok…I'll see you tomorrow."

"You don't have to come," Kelly said softly, "you don't want my picture."

"Kelly Marie, Dr. Meredith said she'd come back tomorrow, stop being bratty."

"But, my picture was special Mommy…it was for today…before I went to sleep again when it's dawk outside…it was special for Dr.Mewedith."

Meredith could not understand the little girl's insistence nor the way she seemed to be expressing her feelings of being hurt, "Kelly, you know what, no matter how late I finish tonight, I will stop by so I can see you, and if you're sleeping, I will still get my picture today, is that better?"

"Oh, yes…please…cause it's special…and it has a little secret," Kelly perked up immediately.

"I'll see you later then, ok?"

"Yes…Dr. Mewedith, can I have a hug?"

"Of course, and I could use a hug from you too," she said, as she took the little girl in her arms, and suddenly all felt at peace again.

Meredith felt her phone vibrate and looked at the text message.

-Haven't talked to you last couple days, how are you?

-hi Kat, I'm ok

-across the miles can hear you lying

-have therapy in a while

-it's why I'm texting but what's wrong

-nothing, just intimidating, first appointment

-you sure?

-yes

-call me, I'm here if you need me

-I will

-how's Derek?

-ok

-oh no…what has he done now?

-really, all's ok

-she's just like me…remember that

-dr. wyatt?

-yes, pretend she's me

-lol

-ok…she can't be me, I'm special

-you are that, thank you

-you'll be fine

-yes

-ok

She was dreading the end of her shift as that meant she had her first meeting with Dr. Wyatt, and had no idea where to begin, especially now, as it seemed Derek was not telling her about his trip, and he had not looked for her since this morning, and that probably meant it was true, that he was traveling and he was avoiding her so he could delay telling her. She'd meant what she'd told him about going home, but she did not think it would be this soon, and she did not want to be alone.

It was in this frame of mind Meredith left the resident's lounge and walked to Dr. Wyatt's office for her first therapy session, upset that even Kathleen had tried to reach her and Derek hadn't.

Two hours later she walked out of the office with her head down, convinced she'd need to find another ride home.

"Hey," she heard "where are you going in such a hurry?"

"Derek…"

"Who else did you expect," he said reaching her side.

"It's late, I thought you'd gone home," she said quietly.

"Meredith…look at me," he told her, and raised her chin when she didn't, and her expression said more than words could, "you didn't think I'd be here."

"It's ok…you've been busy, I know."

"No, you don't know," he said and pulled her aside and hugged her, "I told you I'd be here," and felt the tension and rigidness in her body, and then released her and simply pulled her along and they walked to his office in silence, and once they were inside, he reached out to hold her again.

"What's wrong…because I know it has more to do than the therapy session."

"You've been avoiding me today."

"What?"

"After this morning, you've been avoiding me…and even Kathleen called about my appointment, and she asked if something was wrong, and you didn't…you…"

"I went to look for you, Richard said he'd seen you and you'd gone to get lunch, but you weren't there, and then I had surgery, and I got out while you were already in with Dr.Wyatt, and I didn't want to text or call you then, so I've been waiting out here since seven o'clock."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh," he said and held her close to him again, gently caressing her back, "now you want to tell me what else is wrong, and why your appointment was almost two hours long?"

"I had a terrible day…and I had a long talk with Cristina…and I sat with Dr.Wyatt for two hours…and she thought it was stupid…"

"She said this to you, that it was stupid…I can't believe…"

"No, she just thought it was useless for me to sit there for over an hour without saying anything."

"You sat there for over an hour," he started to say, and wanted to keep from laughing,

"and didn't say anything?".

"Derek, don't laugh at me, I can hear it in your voice," she said and pulled away to look at him.

"I'm not laughing at you, but most people when they go to therapy can't wait to talk, make sure they get every word in before their hour is up."

"I'm not most people," she challenged.

"Thank God, I love you exactly as you are, though I admit I wish you'd have a little more faith in me, instead of jumping to conclusions."

"Derek…you know I'm going to do that…it's too many years of being alone, expecting the worst."

"I know…so tell me, you had a terrible day?"

"Yes…even Kelly got mad at me…"

"Kelly got mad at you?"

"Kind of, but…" she said and filled him on her day, including her appointment with Dr. Wyatt, and indeed having sat there for ninety minutes without saying much, "I told her, I'd read that just going to therapy works…"

"Really…"

"Really…but she didn't go for it, she said next time I came in, I'd better be ready to talk, because there's only twenty session covered."

"I don't like her."

"Derek, you don't know her."

"How can she pressure you like that, telling you to hurry up because insurance doesn't cover more than twenty session."

"She wasn't pressuring really, she was jut letting me know."

"Next time you see her, tell her you'll be going as long as you feel you have to, and if it's more than twenty sessions, she doesn't have to worry about it, that she will get paid anyway."

"Derek…"

"What," he said a bit annoyed.

"Why are you angry?"

"Because, it bothers me when doctors are so concerned over payments they don't think of the patients first as they always should."

"Derek, I think she was good…I didn't take it like that."

"Meredith, whatever you need, whatever you feel is the right thing, the right therapist, the right number of session, anything else you may need, whatever it is, I'll take care of it."

"You don't have to do that."

"Yes, of course I do."

"Derek, if I'm making progress…if I feel I am, and I need more than those sessions, I can take care of it, don't worry, ok?"

"I want you to be happy…"

"I want to be happy too," she said, though there was a nagging fear at the back of her mind she wasn't quite ready to voice.

"Let's go home," he said.

"I have to stop by Kelly's room."

"Meredith, it's almost eight thirty, she should be asleep by now."

"Derek, she was so upset with me, and if I don't go get her picture I'm sure she'll be so again."

"Ok, let's go," he said and they walked holding hands to Kelly's room and pushed the door quietly to make sure they did not wake her.

"Dr. Mewedith, I'm so happy you came back for your picture," they heard Kelly say.

"Sweetie, I told you I would, but you should be sleeping, it's late."

"There was no way for her to settle down, she said you were coming," Colleen told them.

"Mommy, show her the blanket cause you forgot before."

"Kelly, it's late, so you'll just give her your picture."

"No Mommy, she wanted to see it," she insisted.

"Yes Colleen, you forgot to show me," Meredith told her, and Colleen took out her knitting.

"It's beautiful, Dr. Mewedith…do you think it's beautiful? It's for my baby cousin, he's a boy, so it's blue."

"Yes, Kelly, your Mommy can knit very beautiful blankets," she said gently fingering the exquisitely knit item with the finest of yarns.

"I've gots baby blankets for my dolls…but I can't knit cause the needles are not for playing."

"That's right, they are …"

"They are for grown up ladies only Dr. Mewedith, cause only they knit."

"Yes, Kelly, they are," she laughed, and looked at Colleen, "she's got quite a mind set about what ladies are supposed to do."

"Don't go there…both grandmothers are Irish stay at home Moms."

"Dr. Shep…you came back with Dr. Mewedith."

"Yes, I did, I'm going to drive her home."

"Like a chauffer" she asked and all the adults laughed.

"Where do you know that word from Kelly," Derek asked.

"Paddy," he has one, cause he can't drive no more, "so Mr. Charles takes him everywhere, and he picks me up from play school sometimes."

"It's my father, long story when little ears aren't around."

"Mommy, why do you always say little ears?"

"Play school, huh?" Derek asked, changing the subject which he was certain Colleen would be asked about again.

"It's for kids that can't go to school cause they're too little."

"I see, and you like play school, I guess."

"I love it Dr. Shep…can I go back?"

"Soon, Kelly, first we'll see how well you're recuperating at home."

"I'm going to cuperate very fast Dr.Shep, and when you get back from your trip and you look at my back… I can go to play school."

"You know, I bet you're going to recuperate very fast too, and you'll be going to play school before you know it."

"Is that soon?"

"Yes, that can be soon, now why don't you show Dr. Meredith your picture, because it's late, and you need to be sleeping, so you can go home tomorrow."

"Ok, Mommy can you get my picture please?"

"Here you go sweetie," she said when she took it out of a drawer.

"Mommy put it away so it would not get dirty."

"Let me see," Meredith asked her, and the first glimpse of it made her eyes water.

"See Dr. Mewedith…it's special, cause it has lots of people in it…"

"Yes Kelly, it is…"

"I gots to explain it to you…will you sit next to me?"

"Tell me about it."

"This is Dr. Shep's twailer," she said pointing to a square box with windows in the middle of lots of green and a blue patch further away, "that's the gwass, and trees and the lake where he gets fishes, and this is Mommy and Sean, cause he has no hair, and that's Daddy and he's standing next to Dr. Shep and that's me…see the bubbles…"

"I sure do…and who else is in your picture, because I see two more people?"

"That's you Dr. Mewedith…that's you…see…and remember," she said almost in a whisper, "it's a special picture cause it's got a secret…" she smiled at Meredith.

"It does…" Meredith said, and asked her softly, "are you going to share that secret with me?"

"Oh yes…cause it's special for you…cause you don't have a little girl like me…Dr. Mewedith so I gave you a special friend, just like me…see…that's my angel friend, Bwianna…and she's smiling, cause I'm sharing her with you, cause you're my friend too, right Dr. Mewedith?"

"Yes, Kelly, I'm your friend too."

"And look she has blue eyes just like Dr. Shep and hair like you, and she's really happy to be in the picture."

The adults were stunned by the little girl's insight, and no words were spoken, though each clearly understood the tremendous significance of the picture Kelly had colored, and that it was indeed a very special gift for Meredith, and again, bonds of healing continued to be strengthened.

"This," Meredith said softly, attempting to keep her emotions under control, as surely Kelly would not understand, "is a beautiful and very special picture, Kelly, and I will keep it always."

"On your frigerator?"

"No sweetie, I'm going to put this in a very special place, just like you put it away so it always stays nice and beautiful."

"Where?"

"I'm going to put it in my room, so I can see it everyday, next to some other special pictures."

"You gots other pictures that were colored for you?"

"No, this is the very first one, and it will always be my first special picture."

"Dr. Mewedith, you see…I was right…it was special for you to have it before I went to sleep again…so I had to stay up…and you had to come back."

"Yes, Kelly, you were right," she said, and kissed the little girl's cheek and gave her a hug, "it was very important that I get it today."

"So, you're not mad at me?"

"Why sweetie?'

"Cause Mommy said I was bwatty when you was here today."

"I am not mad at you at all, and this is definitely very special, and I'm glad I came back and you were still awake so you could explain it to me."

"Dr. Shep…do you like it too? Cause you're in the picture too."

"I love your picture, and I'm very happy you drew me in there."

"Dr. Shep, you're so silly. You got to be there, cause it's at your twailer, and I know another secret," she said smiling.

"You do…another secret?"

"Uh huh."

"What is that?"

"You're Dr. Mewedith's boyfriend."

The adults all looked at each other again, "Kelly, sweetie, where did you hear that?"

"Mommy…I do not hear that, but Dr. Shep and Dr. Mewedith dispeared together, Grandma said that's like vacation and he's going to drive her home…so he's gots to be her boyfriend, cause they're not mawied like you and Daddy."

"Out of the mouth of babes," Derek muttered.

"Kelly, I think you've had a very long day, so now it's time to go to sleep, so we'll say goodnight and you'll see Dr. Shepherd tomorrow before we go home."

"Dr. Mewedith, will you come back too?"

"I will definitely see you tomorrow before you go home."

"Dr. Shep, are you her boyfriend?" Kelly asked again with the persistence of a very smart four year old.

"Let me tell you a secret," he leaned over and whispered to her, locking gazes with Meredith, "Dr. Meredith has promised me she is going to marry me…so we'll be just like your Mommy and Daddy."

"She is…oh that's so exciting…Dr. Mewedith, then you can have a little girl just like me, and she can be my friend."

"You know what Kelly, if I ever have a little girl, I hope she is just like you, because you are very very special and beautiful," she said and hugged her again and kissed the top of her head.

"Dr. Mewedith…you're beautiful too…just like my Mommy."

"You have sweet dreams princess, I'll see you tomorrow so you can go home," Derek said and kissed her cheek.

"Derek, Meredith… I have no idea how she comes up with these stories," Colleen said, but the Irish in me…believes…you were meant to have that picture tonight."

"I was Colleen, I was…" Meredith told her and very quietly added, "she's helping me to heal."

"One day, Meredith, I will be knitting a blanket for you…for your next baby."

"Oh…" Meredith whimpered softly, and felt Derek put his arm around her waist.

"My sister, that baby blanket is for her, she lost her first baby…and now, this one…is baby number three, because her first one is not forgotten, she already has a little girl, and now…a boy, and I know…I will be knitting one for you."

"Thank you," she said, and kissed her cheek, "you have no idea what all of this meant to me today."

Derek and Meredith walked out holding hands, and when they reached the elevator he asked, "she knows?"

"She asked me…I didn't lie," she said defensively, "I'm sorry if you didn't want her to know."

"Hey…I know today has been a very emotional day, but no pulling away…"

"I'm not…"

"Yes, you are, and Meredith, she was mine too…" he said quietly.

"I know that," she answered curtly, aware she was retreating into avoidance, because she knew he was keeping something from her.

"I'm not going to push you right now, and I'm going to let you have your silence…think about whatever is making you want to pull back from me…whatever it is that makes you say something that you must know will hurt me, because tonight, before we go to sleep, you're going to have to talk to me," he said, and kissed her softly on the lips, just as the elevator doors slid open.

They walked in silence to his car, her hand in his and he opened the passenger door and when she sat down, he leaned in and kissed her again, "I love you, and I'm willing to make many allowances for today, but just for the record, I'm hurting too, and at the very least, I need to know you need me as much as I need you."

They drove in silence, each lost in their own thoughts. Hers fearful of the reasons he was not telling her about the trip home, yet had told the Chief and even discussed it with the Mulligan's, fearful that he'd already put up with too much of her emotional and hormonal outbursts and needed a break. His full of doubts that she had changed her mind, and as her hormones played havoc with her emotions she may be having second thoughts about their relationship, she had after all spent time talking with Cristina today and had not told him what they had discussed.

Everyone who knew them, and had shared in their recent loss, would willingly smack them both across the back of their heads and knock some sense into them.

They boarded the ferry and once parked, she walked to the deck as he followed her, and stood next to her without speaking, as they waited for the time to sail.

She turned to face him, "you're right, today has been a very emotional day."

"I know that, and I'm trying to be supportive, but Meredith…sometimes…"

"I'm sorry, if I hurt you…I know she was yours too," she said with a catch in her voice.

"I'm not trying to take away from your loss…I know she was more yours than mine," he said, and she heard such sadness in his voice it broke her heart.

"Derek…you knew about her first…she was as much yours as mine…I only had her with me…and I failed to keep her safe, but she was just as much yours, and I know…it's your loss too."

"Meredith, we have to stop this…we do…we're hurting each other with words I know we don't mean," he said as he gathered her close to him and felt her tears.

She pulled away from him, and looked away, and then with firm resolution turned to him again, "I have to know…have you…have you changed your mind?"

"About what…" he said surprised by her question.

"About us…about being with me…are you tired of these emotions I can't seem to control?"

"Meredith…what…why would you even think that…?

"You're going away…Derek…you're going away, leaving me behind…and you didn't tell me," she said looking at him and then turning her gaze away and looking far into the distance at the lights of Seattle as they pulled away from the docks and began their sail home.

He wanted to laugh, but instead found himself smiling and standing behind her wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck, "you think I'm going away and leaving you behind…because I can't deal with your emotions…" he said and she heard a hint of humor in his voice, and turned around in his arms, and met his gaze.

"You're laughing at me…"

"No…love…I'm not, but, if you only knew…"

"Then tell me…because, what I've been thinking is that you've changed your mind, and don't want to put up with me…and don't want to have to be there all the time…" she continued without letting him say a word, "and…that you've changed your mind…about wanting to be married, or a lifetime with me…and that's why you're going away, and you weren't there…I went looking for you at lunch, and your office was locked…and you're planning this trip to get away from me…and you forgot all about proposing…and now, that I've been to therapy you know I'm probably more dark and twisty than we thought, cause I sat there all the time and didn't say anything…maybe you just want to wait and see if I'm really worth waiting for…and if I can become whole and healed…"

"You think all that…and you said all that without stopping to breathe," he said and smiled.

"Don't you dare smile, Derek…don't you dare…" she said, as tears slid down her cheeks, "because I do need you…and you don't seem to need me."

"You think I don't need you…" he said, and pulled her into his embrace.

"You're going away…getting away from me…and you don't even want …"

"Meredith…" he said, as he brushed her hair away from her face framing it in both his hands, and before capturing her mouth with his whispered, "I bought your engagement ring today."


	127. Chapter 127

**Ch 125 – Hints? VIPB & L**

"I bought your engagement ring today," she heard, barely a whisper upon her lips before he captured her mouth making her forget all the reasons she'd thought it had been a terrible day, all the doubts she'd allowed to overpower the unquestionable love and commitment she knew existed between them.

"Derek," she whispered, pulling away from their kiss and ever so gently raised her hand and brushed a curl away from his face, slowly running her fingers through his hair, their gazes locked, hers brimming with unshed tears as he became lost in the depth of the emotions she revealed, knowing he was given a glimpse straight into her soul, and she

was lost in the clear blue depth of all the promises he had made, while the shimmering lights of Seattle behind them added to the hope and wonderment each saw reflected in the other, as they sailed towards home, towards the beginning of the promised lifetime.

The look in their faces, merely inches apart, set the framework and captured the intimacy of this moment, providing a memory that would live forever in their minds, as softly their lips in perfect sync reflected the others smile, and no words were necessary as she threw her arms around his neck and held on to him, and they accepted the unequivocal knowledge that all was about to change, and basked in the pleasure of their embrace.

"Meredith…" he murmured against her ear.

"Derek…" she whimpered incredulously, "you…do…"

"No more doubts…" he questioned.

"You have a ring…"

"I do," he said and pulled back to look at her.

"What does this mean?"

"What do you think it means?"

"I don't know," she said looking at him intensely and giving him half a smile before brushing his lips with hers.

"You don't know?"

"Are we going to keep repeating what the other says?"

"Are we?"

"You're making fun of me," she said wrapping her arms tight around his waist.

"Definitely not," he smiled back.

"Derek…you haven't answered me…"

"Which question…there were lots of questions in your ramble…"

"What does it mean…that you have a ring?"

"Well, I hope that answers your questions about me changing my mind…"

"I had to ask...it was a valid question…" she challenged him.

"Does this answer your other question," he teased, pressing closer to her, "about me …wanting you?"

He marveled at the change in her expression. Earlier he'd seen the doubts and fears that turned to surprise and hope of the fulfillment of promises, and now he saw the light teasing sparkle in the grey green eyes that never failed to mesmerize him.

"Does this," she said, bringing her lips a whisper away from his, and then nibbled his lower lip gently, playfully, before covering his mouth with hers and every touch, every stroke of their tongues held the promise of that lifetime. For her all doubts were forgotten with the simple admission he'd made, he'd not forgotten…he wanted to marry her, she thought as they continued to deepen and savor each kiss as though it was the first time, and she smiled as his lips found hers again, "answer …" she said breathlessly, "how very much I need and want…you."

Pausing to catch his breath, he murmured, his voice hoarse, his desire evident, "I love you, Meredith, I will love you always."

"Derek," she said, breathless herself, "you have my ring…"

"Not with me…"

"What?"

"I bought it, but don't have it with me…"

"So…" she said, and he saw the change in her expression again, and braced himself for the inevitable ramble and tried to keep from smiling, "you told me you have a ring but you don't have it…and you made me believe you wanted to marry me…and now, this is a half proposal again, you …you…"

"Jackass," he offered.

"You are such…oh…" she huffed, "why would you say that, if you don't have a ring, and had no intention of giving it to me, and it was just one more time when you say things and then add that but…"

He interrupted her by capturing her lips, and she held back at first, "Meredith…kiss me back, you know you want to," he teased.

"I…do not," she argued.

"Really," he said, setting out to prove her wrong in record setting time.

"Just…just because…."

"Yes…"

"Derek, you'd better…you better…I just hope that you're spending every waking minute right now thinking of how you're going to make this up to me."()

"What did I do?"

"What did you do," she asked him, "you're joking?"

"No, really, Meredith…I don't know why you're so upset, I told you I got your ring."

"Yes, you moron, but you're not giving it to me, are you?"

"Meredith…I only told you to shut you up."

"What…to shut me up?"

"That didn't sound right…"

"Brainless…idiotic…stupid man…no it didn't sound right."

"Meredith…" he smiled, turning his head slightly just the way she could never resist him, and he saw a trace of a smile.

"I'm mad at you, you know…for making me wait all this time…and then, you tease me…"

"Meredith, you have to admit…and I'll admit too…we were both a bit irrational today…don't you agree?"

"Maybe…" she conceded.

"I just wanted you to know… that you had no reason to doubt what I feel for you, what I want for us, so I told you I got your ring."

"Fine."

"Oh no…not fine…"

"You could have just told me you know, what you just did, instead of mentioning a ring and then not following through…."

"The story of our …" he said, and wisely stopped, but not soon enough.

"Yes, I know…par for the course lately…not following through," she said and rubbed against him, "but not for long."

"Who's teasing now…" he said and kissed her.

"You're a glutton for punishment," she said, "or have recently developed a fondness for cold showers," and they both found themselves laughing.

"Neither, I love you…it's that simple…everything else…can wait…until you're ready."

"Derek…I love you too…but…"

"Uhmmm…"

"What…"

"But…what…"

"I understand why you blurted that out…but you realize it just seems like another half proposal to me…are you sure you aren't having second thoughts…"

"Oh…no…none at all…I promise you…I've done nothing but think about it, and I think you'll agree…I'll be making it up to you."

"Then where's my ring…"

"At the jewelers."

"So you don't really have it…"

"I will tomorrow, it's being sized…" he smiled.

"How do you know it's going to fit," she pouted.

"Because, I scooped around your bedroom and took one of your rings with me," he told her.

"You did not…" she laughed.

"I did…that ring you like so much…it's a gold band with some design on it."

"You really snooped around…I'd never have thought it…I don't snoop around."

"It wasn't really snooping, and it was for a very specific reason, and you always leave it laying around."

"When?"

"When what?"

"When to all of it…when did you steal my ring, and when did you get the ring…the new ring…Where? What were you going to do when I looked for it and it was gone?"

"Your old ring is already back in its place."

"It is?"

"Uh huh…since this afternoon, when you came looking for me that's where I was," he smiled proudly.

"So…you just bought a ring and plan to keep it around…and not give it to me…"

"Definitely plan on giving it to you…and you have already agreed to say yes…"

"I may have to change my mind…depending on how you do this…I mean, this would have been appropriate on the ferryboat…how we both have a thing…"

"Meredith…too cliché…and trust me…I'm sure you're going to like my proposal…"

"You really have it planned…you're going to surprise me…"

"I hope so…"

"I can wait…but do you remember…I told you to remember the hormones…"

"I do…I have not forgotten, that's why I felt I had to reassure you tonight."

"Derek…"

"That doesn't sound like a friendly Derek…"

"There's one more thing, about today…"

"Uh huh…"

"You're still keeping something from me…and it wasn't the ring…you're going away…and it's ok, I encouraged you to go home, I did…but, you haven't told me and you've told everyone else…and I know I've been difficult…but you should have told me Derek…instead of me finding out the way I did…"

"You're very sure of that…"

"Of course I'm sure, the Chief mentioned your trip, and even Kelly said something and you seemed to have discussed it with the Mulligan's and the entire hospital, all except me…are you avoiding telling me you need a break for me…"

"Yes," he said simply, and waited for the next reaction.

"Yes….you're admitting to it…"

"Uh huh…I'm going on a trip…"

She attempted to pull away from him, "that…that is just…not nice…Derek," she said and he saw the tears in her eyes and regretted teasing her because he knew she'd just been reminded of the use of that phrase while they'd still had hopes for their baby.

"Meredith, you're right, it wasn't I was just playing along with you…because there is no way I would be going on a trip without you…I can't leave you…don't you see…don't you understand that I need to be with you right now as much as I believe you need me."

"But…"

"We're going on a trip together," he said and kissed her softly.

"We are…"

"Uh huh…"

"Where and why didn't you just tell me?"

"Because all my plans are not finalized, there's still a few more arrangements, and the time off was crucial which Richard and Miranda took care of, but there's still a couple of loose ends that will be taken care of by tomorrow, when I had planned on telling you."

"You've really been planning this…a surprise for me…"

"I admit I asked for some help…"

"For what…"

"Hotel reservations and some minor details…"

"Like what…"

"Oh…no…you will have to wait….you've already been given a hint…"

"That was a dumb hint, Derek…"

"For someone who is so brilliant with crosswords…"

"I'm not rising to the bait…I am brilliant with them…"

"Uh huh…"

"Who else knows…who's been helping you?"

"Let's see…other than the entire hospital apparently knowing…"

"What??"

"Can you ever let me finish a sentence without jumping to conclusions?"

"Not when you're being evasive," she countered.

"The entire hospital knows I'm going to ask you…since your other knight…"

"Semi-knight," she joked.

"Since he blurted it out to the OR and bets are on us breaking up now…"

"We'll show them, right…" she asked hesitantly.

"We will…absolutely…Meredith, Kathleen is helping…"

"She is…was it her idea…or did you…I mean…you though of it…"

"I told you before…this…this moment is ours, for us…only yours and mine."

"I love you Derek…even when you're not telling me everything."

"That's good to know…a man needs to have some secrets," he laughed.

"Don't push it…what is she helping you with?"

"Just hotel reservations and she loved your ring."

"She saw my ring?"

"I wanted to get another opinion…she thinks you'll like it…"

"You picked it out for me…I'm sure I will…"

"So…what do you think now…was it such a terrible day?"

"It's turning out to be one of the very best of days…"

"The first of many Meredith…those terrible days…I really believe are behind us…"

"Derek…we can't do what we did today…we have to really think about what we say to one another…we have to stop doubting and second guessing each other's thoughts and motives," she said seriously.

"I agree…that's part of our commitment to each other…communication…not letting the other pull away…and I'm in this…Meredith…I'm in this for a lifetime…"

"And beyond Derek…for always…"

"We're almost home," he said as they sailed closer to the dock at Bainbridge.

"Can I guess…where you're proposing…"

"You can…" he teased, "I may not tell you…"

"Will you tell me if I guess right?"

"It depends."

"On what," she asked like a petulant child.

"On how close we are."

"You mean how close I am to guessing?"

"No, I meant how close we are…" he laughed.

"I don't like you."

"You love me."

"Yes…Meredith…yes I do…"

"So…if I guess…"

"Try…"

"The hint the other day has something to do with it," she said resting one hand on his chest.

"Uh huh…"

"And I did not get it right …so VIPB…not the Virgin Islands…"

"Far from it…"

"Vancouver Island…" she exclaimed, "and of course we might need passports with all the new travel restrictions…"

"Not even close, but you are right about needing passports."

"You're not playing fair."

"Wasn't it you who said you wanted to be surprised?" he asked cocking his head slightly.

"Yes…" she admitted… "I suppose…"

"Let me do this, Meredith…I think you will enjoy this …and I want this to be a very special memory for us…our once upon a time…to tell our grandchildren."

"Ok…"

"Ok?"

"No more questions."

"Really…" he questioned suspiciously.

"Really…"

"No more questions…" he said.

"Wasn't it you who said…asked me to take it all on faith?"

"Yes…"

"I am…and I'm trusting you…completely."

"We…we're going to be fine …aren't we…" he said pulling her close to him and kissing the top of her head.

"Define that, fine that is…" she murmured against his neck.

"Meredith and Derek fine," he said confidently.

"Oh yes…that type of fine…we are…" she said softly, and snuggled closer to him, content simply to be held in his arms for several uninterrupted minutes, the night breeze making her snuggle closer to him.

"We have to go and get in the car," he said and heard her stomach growling, "you haven't had dinner either?"

"I lost my appetite at some point…but, I'm hungry now, I only had a yogurt at lunch."

"Meredith," he scolded, "you can't do that, you're supposed to be eating well, especially right now…"

"I have been, today was just crazy, I didn't have time…"

"There's not going to be much open right now, you should have said something earlier, before we boarded."

"It's ok, I wasn't hungry then."

"I should have thought about it too," he said, and kissed her soflty, "let's go, maybe that new pizza place is open…if not I'll fix us something at home."

"Derek," she said, reaching for his hand as they walked to the car, "let's just go home."

About a half hour later, they were sitting having a light meal.

"Derek, I know I said I wouldn't ask any more question…but…"

"I knew you would…"

"I'm not going to ask you about your surprise…you jerk," she said smiling.

"Ok then…"

"You said we're going on a trip…"

"Uh huh…"

"Derek, I need to know something about it…so I know what to pack, I mean what kind of weather there is, I know we're not going to visit your family, because we need passports, but how long are we going to be away, when we are we leaving …coming back…where we are we going," she added just to tease him.

"Ah…she lied…"

"I did not, that last question was just to throw you."

"Let's see…we're leaving Saturday morning at six thirty, and…"

"Derek…are you crazy…Saturday morning…that's the day after tomorrow…and I'm working, and when am I going to pack, and where are you taking me…I mean, do I need to have a dress or just jeans and will be going somewhere that's casual or formal, Derek, I don't have time to get ready in one day's time."

"What happened to the woman that was ready to leave for 48 uninterrupted hours…"

"I do not recommend you bring that up now…you stood me up…and took your proposal of sorts back…" she threatened.

"It was not that way, and we're not going there again…we're moving on…so…in that spirit, I think you can pack tomorrow night, just like I'm going to pack tonight."

"You're packing tonight…you knew this earlier today…when we made plans to sleep here."

"Of course I did…Meredith…trust me…you won't regret it…tomorrow night you can pack."

"Fine," she mumbled "you men are so clueless."

"Uhmmm…just fine," he asked as he got up and brought the plates to the sink.

"Go pack," she murmured, as she walked up behind him and put her arms around him, "I'll clean up, and then I'll help you…see if I can get a hint about what I need to take."

"Ideally…" he said, "we won't need to many clothes," he smiled, "we'll be spending a lot of time indoors…"

"That sounds like my kind of trip…" she said and kissed him lightly.

"Now…to answer your questions, temperatures average between 40 to high 50's; what to wear is just what you would wear here, we are going to have a couple of nights where you may want to dress up for dinner…you can pack as much or as little as you want, because if we get there, and you need anything, you can just go shopping."

"Derek…that's ridiculous…I'm not going to go away and go shopping…"

"Why not, that's what Add..." he started to say, "all women do."

"I am not most women…or lucky for you, Addison, you'd be broke, with me buying Prada and who knows what else she was wearing the day the wicked witch landed," she told him in good humor.

"Meredith…I'd rather be broke…than without you."

"Oh, Derek, that is so…" she giggled.

"Corny…cheesy…" he added.

"Sweet…and lovely," she smiled, "and I guess this means we're not going to a warm tropical island."

"No…we are not."

"How long are we going to be away, can you tell me that?"

"One week."

"What…Derek, I don't have that kind of time off, are you out of your mind, there's no way the Chief and Dr. Bailey are going to allow us that time off, well, me anyway."

"They already have…"

"Are you serious?"

"Richard lived up to what he told me…whatever time we needed."

"Derek, but I'm a resident…it's not …"

"Meredith, do you want to go away with me?"

"Of course I do," she said.

"Then finish cleaning up, and come help me pack."

"We have a week off…just like that…"

"Not just like that…but we have it off, you won't get two weeks off together like you did at the end of your first year, but we should be able to manage some days away together when we come back."

"You really…really thought all of this through…for me " she asked him, and he heard the deep emotion in her voice, and knew what it meant to her he'd taken the time to plan.

"I hope you will not be disappointed," he said a bit unsure.

"Disappointed…when I'm going to be spending a week with you…and you're planning some wonderful surprise…and, Derek…this is our first real trip together…and I'm going to enjoy every minute of it," she answered, and leaned in to kiss him.

There wasn't much to clean up, especially since Lexie had been there earlier in the week, and she walked over to help him pack, and stood just outside the bedroom area watching him put things away before joining him to help pack.

He felt her presence and noticed the sad expression on her face, and stopped what he was doing and walked over to her, "hey, what's made you sad."

"I'm ok…"

"Meredith…please…"

"It's the first time, I've been here…since…we were away."

"Meredith, I'm sorry…I should have realized…"

"Hey, it's ok…we were here…afterwards…just, not since we came back, and it's hard to forget."

"I should have come out here on my own," he said berating himself for nor having thought about it.

"Lexie cleaned everything up, Derek that was nice…"

"Yes, it was, once we get to…once we get our destination… there should be some nice souvenirs we could bring back to her, our friends…"

"And your Mom and Kat…oh my God, Derek, I have to call Kathleen."

"You're going to harass her…about where we're going?"

"No, you ass…I'm going to thank her…and let her know her brother finally got my ring."

"She already knows…."

"I still want to talk to her…since I can't tell anybody else, not till you give me the ring."

"She'll be thrilled to talk to you…" he said and gathered her in his arms.

"I love you Derek," she sighed, "thank you…for understanding."

"Are you going to help, or what?"

"The what sounds better," she joked, "is this what…what would you say I am, your girlfriend, or fiancée …and is this what wives do…pack for their whatever."

"You can be whatever you want. But, I'm really looking forward to the day you marry me."

"One step at a time…isn't that like the one hundredth step…" she said.

"I don't know…is it…I mean where are we?"

"Almost there…" she smiled, "almost…" she said and before she finished he'd captured her lips and again made her forget any sadness and felt only hope in her heart.

"Packing can be fun, I supposed," she said, watching him from the bed, since he'd insisted she sit or lay down

"Easy for you to say…" he laughed.

"I did offer to help," she laughed.

"I'm almost done," he said as he placed a dark suit in the suitcase, and the closed it placing it aside, near the overnight bag he'd already packed.

"So, I take it I should take at least one nice dress to wear the night you wear that suit."

"Uhmmm…."

"Is that a yes?"

"I'm thinking…" he smiled.

"About what?"

"The night we met," he told her, cocking his head to the side and locking gazes with hers they both became lost in that memory.

"The night that changed my life…" she whispered as she reached for his hand and pulled him down beside her.

"Changed our lives…" he said softly and held her close to him.

"Derek…I have a feeling…"

"You do…" he asked cautiously, turning on his side and facing her.

"The most wonderful feeling…"

"Are you going to share it with me?"

"I must…because…Derek…this time…it's a really good feeling…"

"And…"

"This trip…Derek…I feel so good about this trip…"

"Because you know I bought your ring…"

"Because I know it's the beginning of our life together…for always."

"I know it will be, Meredith…the beginning of that lifetime…those dreams we've been given a glimpse of…"

"Derek…you're planning all of this, and you've been given me this," she said touching her necklace, "and the spa and I'm sorry I haven't done anything for you…but, I…"

"Hey," he said caressing her face, "you gave me the most priceless gift of all," and paused knowing the emotion he felt would bring her sadness, "Brianna…you brought her to life for me."

He heard several short intakes of breaths, "I lost her…"

"No, you loved her and then…you shared her with me…your dream of her…together with my dad…that is the most priceless gift of all."

"Oh, Derek," she whispered, and her eyes were brimming with tears "do you to think…this sadness…emptiness ever goes away…"

"I think…we will never forget…and there will always be sadness, but I also know that our baby does not want us to hold on to that…you saw her Meredith…she was happy…she's our little angel…and one day Meredith…when you're ready, if you want for us to try again, we will celebrate our second's child's birth…and that Brianna will be their little angel too."

"You're going to help me," she said softly, reaching out to caress his face, "you're going to remind me…help me remember that my dream…Derek that my dream can come true."

"Together, we're going to make your dreams, our dreams come true," he said and kissed her, and they lost track of time as every touch, every caress, every kiss they shared erased doubts and misunderstandings and instead a tale of trust, nurturing, commitment and the love they were ready to promise the other for a lifetime began to unfold, just as the image of the tapestry unveiling the love found in legends.

"Meredith…" he said before he fell asleep.

"Uhmm…"

"I can give you one more hint…"

"You will?"

"Uh huh…"

"What…Derek…don't just …"

"L"

"L…as in the letter L…that's it?"

"It's a really big hint…"

"Love…something to do with love, that is so predictable Derek…that's not a clue."

"It has to do with love, but…not the word you need…"

"I'm going to figure it out you know, and when I do, you're going to have to tell me."

"I'll tell you if you guess…" he said as he caressed her body, starting from her shoulders to her hips as she lay with her back nestled against his body.

"Oh my God…you dirty dirty mind…" she giggled and turned to face him to whisper in his ear, and he laughed and shook his head.

"Believe me that will happen…and it will be my pleasure," he said, "but that's not it."

"Oh well, who cares…as long as…"

"Just don't make promises you can't keep," he said.

"Believe me, we're both keeping this promise."

"Meredith, there is something you can do…something I'd like…"

"There is," she paused, "something I can give you?"

"Yes…" he smiled.

"Tell me…"

"Pack your black dress…the one you wore…"

"The night we met," she finished, and smiled, "did you pack you red shirt…" she asked and he nodded and her giggles and then their laughter echoed through the trailer, through the place they'd first, unexpectedly, truly discovered love.

_AN - () This sentence is not mine, but I laughed when I heard EP say this in a punk'd video. Also, I've tried to be such a stickler for timing, but these characters talk so much, I lost track that the last several chapters was still the same day. So, for the sake of moving the story along, please ignore that I skipped a day…and they only have one more day left in Seattle. Thanks to all of you that have stuck through this story, I know it's been sad too long, but now the tide is turning for them…there are still some emotional scenes in the next days ahead but each of them part of the healing process to their happiness. When they get back to Seattle, I will be skipping ahead in time gradually…and soon, it will be time not only for Mrs. S to visit but for them to fly to his home._


	128. Chapter 128

**Ch 126 – Healing laughter **

The sound of rain against the trailer windows made her want to forget about going to work that morning and just snuggle closer with Derek, except he wasn't in bed.

"Derek," she called out groggily, and once she'd opened her eyes saw him sitting typing on the laptop.

"Hey," he answered, "it's early, you don't have to be up yet."

"Why are you," she questioned looking at the clock, "it's barely five."

"Had some work to do," he said as he strolled towards the bed and sat next to her, "good morning," he said and kissed her softly, "go back to sleep, I'll wake you at six."

"Derek, it's raining and cold in here, stay in bed with me," she pouted, "please…"

"It does make you want to stay in bed all day…" he said, and kissed her again feeling her smile against his lips, and then heard her giggle.

"What's so funny," he asked as he nuzzled her neck.

"That's what Mark said…when we first me…"

"Meredith…"

"Uh huh…"

"I'm not sure I want to hear about him propositioning you…"

"He didn't…you just …"

"I've already admitted to you, I was jealous as hell that he was looking at you…talking to you, and when I saw you shake his hand…"

"You were watching us…"

"Why do you think I risked breaking my fist," he laughed, and slipped in bed next to her.

"You were jealous, really?"

"You don't have to be so smug about it…again."

"And I thought you didn't care…" she said, smiling at him and placing a quick kiss on his lips.

"The thought of anyone…looking at you…touching you…drove me insane…"

"Derek…after you…nobody else could ever take your place…in my heart."

"That's the way it was…and is…for me as well," he said, and hugged her, "you can sleep another hour, get some rest."

"Are you staying in bed with me?"

"Yes…"

"Keep me warm Derek…I missed you so much…for so long…"

"You won't ever have to feel that way again."

"Neither will you Derek…I'll be here too, no more cold nights alone…any night alone."

"But you're feet are freezing," he teased her, while he caressed her back.

"You ass," she giggled, and held him close to her, and before drifting off to sleep, "we're both becoming very sappy Derek…"

"Any complaints?"

"None at all," she said smiling.

He had not told her the work included emailing Kathleen to give her an update on his plans, and asked if she had been able to secure the hotel he wanted as well as emailing his mother.

_Mom, _

_I'm going to call you later, Meredith's sleeping and I don't want to wake her, but I didn't want to wait any longer to tell you how much it's meant to me that you've been communicating with her and making her feel she's part of the family. She needed that right now. _

_Thanks for keeping her, us …in your prayers. I think they are being answered, we're going to be ok now. I'm taking her away for a week, and I promise it won't be long before you meet her. I love you Mom, and I know I don't say it enough, but, thank you…for loving us and disciplining us, we forget what you taught us at time, but we always have those values to help us through the difficult times. Talk to you later, and don't give my sisters a hard time…LOL yes…I know you're all up to date in cyberspace. _

An hour later he woke her with a kiss, "you realize," she said, "you're going to have to do that every morning."

"Be your alarm clock…your kissing alarm clock…" he joked.

"You are so…" he interrupted her with a kiss, "oh…yes…every morning," she said.

"Come on, don't be lazy, I'll fix breakfast," he said and started to get up.

"Derek," she said pulling his hand.

"What is it?"

"When we come back…next time we're here…we…we'll be…"

"Will be engaged…" he said interpreting her unfinished statement, "and there's no doubt about it, because you've promised to say…"

"Yes…" she finished, "you really…are going to propose this time?"

"Yes, but no more questions…just know that when we fly home…there will be no doubts that you and I are in this…for a lifetime."

"Derek…we'll have to celebrate…our engagement…engagement sex…here, where we fell in love…where we both knew…that night."

"You're going to make me wait till we come back…for engagement sex," he teased her.

"Not on your life…as soon as we can…and it can't be long now…payback Derek…I owe you…over and over," she laughed and kissed him before getting out of bed and heading for the shower.

They had breakfast and she cleaned up while he placed the suitcase and black leather carry on in the trunk of his car.

"Meredith, are you ready?"

"Yes, I even checked that all windows are closed…and nothing that can spoil in the fridge and here we need to discard the garbage…"

"Not even engaged yet, and already she's bossing me around and I'm delegated to throw away the garbage…"

"I thought you liked bossy," she said in a saucy tone.

"I love bossy…I love you," he said and gathered in his arms.

"Derek…kiss me….our last kiss…"

"Hey…what's this talk of a last kiss…"

"Our last kiss here …before we come back engaged…and Derek…I'm scared as hell…me, all dark and twisty loving the thought of that …of us being married one day."

"I think then, this is more our first kiss ," he said, "the first kiss, this time knowing it is something we'll do everyday for the rest of our lives," and captured her mouth.

"Our first kiss," she said, "not soft…" she smiled, "Derek…remember…that day…that night…I wanted to remember…our last kiss… when we'd been happy."

"The day you almost died," he said running his hand through her hair and brushing a loose curl behind her ear, "and now…our first kiss…of that lifetime, also a Thursday morning…and you…still smell of lavender," he smiled.

"Do you remember everything…everything about us…"

"Everything about us…all those memories…they are priceless…"

"I love you Derek…and I can't seem to get tired of telling you."

"I don't get tired of hearing it or saying it…we've got it right Meredith, finally, we've got it right."

"Well, Dr. Shepherd…"

"Yes, Dr. Grey…"

"Are you ready…to surprise me?"

"Like you've never been surprised before," he laughed and they walked out of the trailer.

"Derek, Meredith," they heard Richard call out to them, "good morning."

"Well…if it isn't the meddlesome busybody…"

"Derek, be nice."

"It's ok Meredith, I deserved that…"

"Damn right you did, almost ruined my surprise about our trip."

"How the hell am I supposed to know you're springing this on a woman a day before you travel, you just don't do that Derek, take my word for it, not if you want a relationship to survive. Then again, Adele accuses me of never taking a vacation, so she may like a surprise like that…" Richard pondered.

"It's ok Chief, you didn't give anything away…and you're probably right, surprise her," Meredith encouraged, "I'm not holding that one day notice against him."

"Don't let him off Meredith. Richard you still ruined part of my surprise…and I was forced to tell her about having bought a ring, thankfully you didn't spoil anything else."

"I'm sorry, truly, I just thought she knew."

"Anything else," Meredith said, "you mean, Chief you know where we're going?"

"No, he does not know anything else," Derek said warning him not to reveal any more details. "The rest of it, he'll find out when we get back, and not one minute before, he can't keep a secret," Derek told him grinning.

"Hey, that's not true."

"Good bye Richard," Derek said in warning again.

"Meredith…Derek, both of you, please enjoy this time away together. I'm glad this has worked out…have a safe trip. Email me when you get there Shep, at least tell me where you're going," he said attempting to cover up that he knew they were going to Italy.

"We just might do that," Derek laughed, extending his hand, "Richard, thanks. Thanks for arranging the time off."

"Don't mention it. It's working out the way it's meant to," he said and gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek, "if I don't see you later today, know I wish you all the best, and your Mother would be so very proud of you, how you've handled all of this."

"Thank you," she said, "that means a lot to me."

"Ok, get out of here, I'll hold the fort down," and seeing Derek picking up the garbage bag, walked up to him and took it, "I'll take care of it along with mine. I'll see you at the hospital later…or next Monday."

"I'm glad all's ok between you," Meredith said once they were on their way.

"Yeah…it's good."

They enjoyed the ferry ride while engaging in light banter throughout their conversation.

"Derek, the other day, I was going to tell Lexie about my dream, and…before I could tell her, seriously, I don't understand, why people always jump to conclusions," she said and was interrupted by his laughter.

"Seriously, Meredith, the pot calling the kettle black?"

"I don't get where both of you come up with and remember these quotes."

"Sign of genius," he joked.

"Apparently genius and brainless don't communicate too well," she said smiling and moved closer to him, placing her hand around his waist and resting her head on his shoulder.

"Uhmmm…bossiness…me taking out the garbage and insults…all within hours of finding out I bought your ring…I can't imagine what you'll expect after you actually have the ring on your finger," he taunted.

"Uhmm," she murmured and turned to stand in front him, her back against the guard rail on the ferry boat, "I was thinking…" she said lowering her voice to a whisper, "sex slave…" and loved seeing the expression on his face, before she saw his grin.

"Are you sure you can handle that," he teased.

"Wasn't it you …" she gave him a mischievous smile, "who said I was handful enough…" she kissed him deeply, "so, Dr. Shepherd…who can't handle…"

He kissed her back, "you really…really…owe me…" he said and they both started laughing, and he held her close, her head resting on his chest.

"Derek…"

"Stop thinking…"

"See…you interrupted me too…"

"I was enjoying the idea of being your sex slave," he whispered, and she giggled.

"I'll be sure to remind you," she teased, and pulled away from him so she could look at him. "I was going to finish the story about Lexie…"

"Meredith…don't ruin it…let me enjoy…my fantasy…" he said and they both started laughing.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too, and this feels so good…so right, holding you…both of us laughing."

"It does…we deserve this Derek…"

"Yes, we do," he said and kissed her lips lightly.

"So, I'm telling Lexie, trying to tell her about the dream, and I said, your brother in law and I…"

"You said," he interrupted again, "you started to tell her a story and referred to me as her brother in law," he laughed, "and she ran with it, she must have thought…"

"What is it with you two and interrupting me…" she said more amused than annoyed, "yes, she ran with it, and thought I meant you had proposed, which is another thing, everyone's jumped to that conclusion recently, which I get…but you haven't…so…"

"Meredith, stop rambling and finish the story, we only have 20 minutes before we have to go get the car."

She glared at him, "I don't hurry your stories along…but, anyway, yes, and I said, what I wanted to tell her is we'd had an unexpected experience, and Derek, her expression was priceless…almost as bad and horrified as mine was when George and Izzie both told me how bad their sexual experience had been, and oh God, Derek I really could have done without knowing about that."

"Wait…both George and Izzie told you about their bad sexual experience," he said trying to keep from laughing again.

"It was horrible Derek, I wanted to cover my ears…and then Izzie telling me George kissing her was like a chicken pecking…" she said scrunching her nose, and he roared laughing, and she could not help but join him.

"Meredith," he said, and paused, "I hope…" he laughed, "I was never like a chicken pecking…"

"Uhmm…"

"What…you…I was never…" he said hesitantly.

"I hope you were…" she said, "when you kissed that woman."

He responded very quickly, "I think…that time, I could be better described as a horse's ass."

She looked at him and giggled, "oh…yes…that is exactly what you were."

"I'm glad we could agree on that," he offered, hopefully putting that behind them.

"Derek…if you ever…ever…think of flirting with …or kissing another woman, you're going to be a dead horse's ass."

"I value my life…specifically, my life with you...it won't ever happen again…I promise you…"

"Good…because I'd hate to be arrested for killing an animal," she said and laughed at her own ability to make light of a situation that had almost ended any hope of a future together.

"We've come a long way," he said, as he caressed her face and her lips gently with this thumb. "Being able to joke…"

"I love you Derek…I do…so much…and this, being with you like this…I'm not saying it was pleasant…but, getting here…to this moment, it's been worth it, knowing that finally…we are together."

"I love you too Meredith," he said and brushed her lips with his and hugged her.

"So," she kissed him softly, "when I told Lexie we'd had an unexpected experience," she paused and smiled, "she thought I was going to talk to her about sex…"

"She what…you mean you talk to her about our…our sex life…"

She looked at him and his reaction made her laugh, "of course…don't men talk about these things with each other?"

"No…I mean, we do…but not, when it's about the woman you love…I don't talk to Mark about our sex life," he said incredulous that she'd admitted it.

"Derek…the entire hospital seems to know about our sex life…"

"That's different."

"Really, enlighten me."

"Well it's one thing that they know we have sex…and well another, that you give details…to your sister…and oh my God, probably Cristina and Izzie…and …"

She cut him off with a kiss, but he did not respond to her, "Derek…"

"I can't believe…"

"Derek, they all know we have sex…and are loud…and almost how often, but Derek…I don't ever give private details about us…"

"Oh, thank God…" he said.

"But…"

"But…there's a but…this is never good."

"If I did…you'd never qualify as a pecking chicken…or rooster for that matter," she murmured against his lips, and this time he captured her mouth and both were equally satisfied with the other's response.

"Hey, it's almost time to go get our car," he said just as his phone vibrated indicating a text message.

-is this a good time to talk, have info for you

-on the ferry with Meredith, we'll call in 10 min

"Who was that, that has you smiling," she asked.

"Look for yourself," he said handing her the phone.

"You're going to call her in 10 minutes, does that mean I get to hear some of the plans?"

"No, just that you get to talk to her, if you want…that's all."

"Jerk."

"Jerk that you're agreeing to marry…"

"None of us are perfect," she teased.

"You are…in my eyes, you're perfect for me."

Her eyes watered, "thank you…very corny…but thank you…you're perfect for me too," she said and walked with him holding hands towards the car.

He dialed Kathleen once they were off the ferry, "hey Kat, how's everyone," he asked and listened to her reply, "good, I've got Meredith listening to us, so she's going to talk to you, and I'll call you when I get to the hospital," he said and passed the phone on to her.

"Kathleen, your brother…really is so brainless, I told him I wanted to talk to you and he thinks I'm going to do that in front of him," she said and smiled.

"Why not…you, we're not keeping secrets," he interjected.

"Oh, voices from the peanut gallery," Kathleen said.

"That's the perfect description," Meredith laughed.

"What disparaging comment did she make and you agreed," he pouted.

"Derek, stop acting like a kid," Meredith told him.

"Are you ok Meredith? I know you had your first therapy session last night."

"One of the reasons I was going to call you, and I will…but, Kathleen," she said and he was pleased to hear the excitement in her voice, "Derek bought my ring…"

"He did…"

"Oh come on, I know you know, and he showed me your text message, that you've been helping him plan this trip…"

"How do I know you're not trying to get information out of me?"

"He's listening to us Kat, we're in the same car."

"I suppose that's true."

"Kathleen," she said, "he said he's going to propose," and paused, "for real this time," and reached for his hand, "and not taking it back."

"He is…I know …and I'm glad you're happy…but, Mer why did he tell you he had a ring, I know he wanted to surprise you."

"I was upset with him, because I heard through the grapevine he was going away for a week, and I thought he just wanted to get away from me, and was avoiding telling me."

"Why would you think he would do that?"

"I've been encouraging to go home, to see your Mom, and I thought he'd decided to do it…and just wasn't telling me."

"Meredith…you both need to stop doing that…making assumptions."

"I know…but, I was very upset, even though I understood," she said squeezing his hand gently, "I've been kind of driving him crazy…my…emotions all over the place."

"Honey, he understands that, and with even more reason, he would not leave you alone right now, trust me, I know my brother."

"Yes, I know that now…Kathleen, thank you…for all your support, and for helping Derek with this…I can't wait to see what he has planned, I really do want to be surprised."

"You do…so you're not going to try to get it out of me…sneakily somehow?"

"Absolutely not…though, I can tell you his hints are driving me crazy."

"Hints…he gave you hints…what hints?"

"Stupid hints…only initials …"

"What are they?"

"VIPB and then last night he added L."

"Oh…" she heard Kathleen laugh, "that is priceless…it's right under your nose Mer, well, the VIP…but…huh…the other two even I don't know."

"Well, I was going to call you, but since we're leaving tomorrow, I may not have time till I get back, but if you don't mind, I mean, if you want me to, the minute he proposes…I'll call and let you know."

"If I want," she heard Kathleen raise her voice, "are you out of your mind…I EXPECT you will be calling me, and I don't care what time it is, Meredith…you are to call me right away and tell me how he proposed, because even after all the work I've done… he has not let me in on that at all."

"Kathleen, thank you," she said and he heard the emotion in her voice, and squeezed her hand, "I'll call you…and…"

"What Meredith? You can ask…" she said.

"I was thinking…well, you know, your Mom and I…we've been emailing…and I thought…well, she said I should call her when Derek and I got back from the few days we took…and I wanted to call her, but that was before, you know just to talk to her, but now…I thought maybe…will she mind if she knows Derek's thinking of proposing?"

"What…Meredith, what are you talking about," Derek interrupted, "there's no thinking about it, you know, it's going to happen," he said just as he pulled up to his parking spot.

"He's right Meredith, there's no ifs…and if you're asking me if she'd like to talk to you, the answer is yes, she is very happy with the relationship you two have started to work on, and honey, if you call her and tell her …that he got you a ring…she will be very pleased that you are trusting her and including her, she does know about his non-proposal and he's going to be teased to no ends when he comes to visit."

"Thanks Kat…I just didn't want to impose…"

"You're not imposing…it's being family…and you're going to be part of ours soon, so, yes, do call her, now let me talk to my brother."

"Kat…I'll give you a call in a little bit," he said and saw Meredith start to open her door, and stopped her.

"I'll let you have some privacy," she said.

"Kat, hold on. No, Meredith wait for me," he said and pulled on her hand, "Kat, yes, I heard, you're right Mom would love to hear that from her," he said and shortly after disconnected and went around to open her door.

"Hey," he leaned in before she got out of the car, "do you have any idea how proud I am of you…" he said and kissed her softly, uncaring of the snickering behind them as he saw out of the corner of his eye, the roommates walking behind them.

"You are…" she said, her gaze softly meeting his.

"Yes…that you'd want to call my Mother…Meredith…nothing would make me happier than for the two of you to have a close relationship."

"She offered Derek…she said…she wanted us to have that…"

"And she meant it…"

"Do you mind…would you mind…if I call her, and tell her…I mean, she already knows about your non-proposal…and I don't want her to hear this through the grapevine."

"She knows…already…" he laughed, "Kat's been doing lots of catching up."

"I don't have to call her…or tell her…" she said.

"Please do…I think it will be good for you both…"

"She should know…before the others…"

"She will like that, very much."

"I'll call her…later today…" she said and leaned in to him, kissing him softly.

"Ready for your last day at Seattle Grace…as a single woman…officially off the market."

"You ass…" she joked, "just remember you are off the market as well."

"First an animal, now a commodity," he joked.

"Derek…I'm thinking…"

"Oh…"

"You know …about the bets…"

"What about them?"

"We should encourage Mark or Cristina to start one…and we'll get a cut…you know, earn back some money…for the engagement ring…engagement trip and all," she joked.

"That's not a bad idea…" he laughed, "uhmmm engagement trip…we may start a new tradition…" he said as he grabbed her hand and helped her out of the car and they walked towards the front entrance.

Meredith and Derek walked to the nurse's station, and greeted everyone, and were met with reserved enthusiasm, and she noticed Lisette walked away right after saying good morning.

"Is everything ok," Meredith asked, though she sensed she knew why there were acting out of character.

"Yes, of course, Dr. Grey," Steph said a bit too cheerful.

"Absolutely…honky dory..." Amy Lynn said.

"Honky Dory…" they heard Mark drawl, as he reached the counter "yeah…I'd have to agree with that, wouldn't you Trace…Mer…Derek…"

"Hell yes…" Tracy answered, and going along with his teasing added, "especially after last night, I could tell you stories…"

"Tracy, do tell…" Amy Lynn chimed in.

"Oh…I couldn't really," Tracy laughed and winked at Mark, and he roared laughing.

"Yep…" Derek commented getting a questioning look from Meredith, " I can agree with that too Mark.

"What…Grey, you're not going to be mad at him again…not when…"

"Mark," Derek warned.

"Not when what," Meredith asked him.

"I know as much as you do…" Marked smirked.

"When did you have time…" she asked Derek.

"Mer, the man was up at five o'clock this morning." Mark stated.

"What's going on…" Steph asked.

"That was my original question to you," Meredith said, "why are the four of you, well, Lisette walked away, being so reserved with us earlier?"

Nobody answered, so she took the lead, and reached for Derek's hand, "I think…and maybe I'm wrong, that it has something to do with what we shared with you…does it?"

"Yes," Amy Lynn Tracy answered, "we don't really know what to say, how to act, it's very recent."

"I thought so, but you just did the right thing, telling me that, and it's ok, Derek and I are dealing with things, and we really appreciate that you're being so sensitive. But, you supported me…us before, and that was enough for us to share our news. So please, just act as you always have…and know there's some days that aren't going to be as good as others for me…at least until my hormones get back to normal…ok?"

"Thank you Dr.Grey," Steph said.

"We'd like to help…if you're ever having a bad day, and we can help…please, let us know," Tracy said.

"I will Tracy, and now, I need to talk to Lisette," she said and walked to the back office, leaving Derek talking with while going through some charts.

"Lisette," Meredith said and walked over to sit next to her.

"Dr. Grey," she said startled, and Meredith heard the uncertainty in her voice.

"How are you feeling?" Meredith asked.

"I'm ok, thank you."

"Lisette," she said softly, "I lost my baby, but that doesn't mean you have to avoid me."

"Oh…" Lisette said, and Meredith saw the misty eyes, "I'm so sorry, and that I put my foot in my mouth when you told us, I did not mean to be insensitive."

"I know that…but you can't avoid me forever…and soon, you'll be showing…and feeling your baby kick…and I probably will wonder what it would be like, if my baby had survived…but it doesn't mean I want to avoid you… and that I'm not happy for you…and you know, Derek's sister, she's pregnant too, and would have been due around the same time…so maybe you can help me a little…be a little more ready for when I have to go home with Derek…and meet his new niece or nephew," she finished, and now both had tears in her eyes.

"Dr. Grey, I'm so sorry…" she said and was unable to avoid the tears.

"So am I Lisette," she said, wiping away her own tears, "but…I'm going to be fine…and I don't want to feel uncomfortable around you…ok?"

"Ok."

"Now," she said, "come with me, I've got a little scoop," and both walked over to the nurses station.

The recent tears did not go unnoticed by any in the group, and Derek put his arm around Meredith's waist and kissed her temple.

"Derek, I told Lisette we had a scoop for the FAB4 and Mark…"

"You did…" he commented.

"Uh huh…what we spoke about in the car."

"Uhmmm…."

"Shep, speak up," Mark insisted, "wait…Grey, you may be the better scoop provider."

"Well…I told Derek…we should feed you a little gossip, and you owe us a cut on the bets."

"What?" they heard a chorus of nurses and Mark.

"What's wrong with that," Meredith said, "you love bets Mark, and we'd be giving you a sure bet to win."

"It's a deal," he said, "what's your scoop."

"I can guarantee that within…" she paused, "the month, Derek and I will be engaged."

"What," the chorus now included Derek.

"Within the month," Derek whined.

"I'm not taking any chances," she smiled and leaned over to kiss him, "gives me time to convince you, in case you get cold feet again."

"Just you wait…" he said as he kissed her back.

"You're on," Mark said, "ladies…you in? You'll have to start the betting, if I do…there could be some…" he was interrupted by the FAB4 comments and t heir plan to make it even better.

"Ladies, Mark, I've got to get to my briefing, we'll see you in a week," she said and walked away smiling listening to Derek being bombarded with questions about her last comment.

_AN 8/23 - Thanks to all of you that have stuck with this story, hard to believe it's been seven months since the first post. Your comments are ever so appreciated and inspiring to get each chapter written. The problem is, these characters talk way too much! This chapter was supposed to have them safely on their way to their destination, but…I felt there were lose ends that had to be addressed before they leave Seattle, because when they return, their engagement and the experiences on this trip will bring them back with a brand new mind set and commitment as they continue to work to nurture their relationship. _

_I admit I also get stuck on little things…like, he makes 2 million dollars a year…how would he spend it…or rather how would I want him to spend it…so you'll see. _


	129. Chapter 129

**Ch 127 – Motherly affection **

Meredith was still smiling when she walked in the resident's lounge, and was not paying much attention to the looks she was getting from her friends, when Dr. Bailey spoke up.

"Grey, you may feel like the cat that swallowed the canary, but you're still late."

"Sorry Dr. Bailey, I was held up at the nurse's station."

"With that Mcfool no doubt," Miranda said, but Meredith could tell she was trying not to smile, "why is it none of you have learned to be on time, where's Karev," she said just as he walked in, "about time you joined us."

"Yes, ma'am," he muttered.

"Ok, people…you've seen your schedules, there's been some reassignments for the next week, any questions?"

"Yes," Cristina asked, "why?"

"Yang…you questioning my scheduling?"

"No. Just curious, you don't normally do this."

"Well, sometimes I just follow orders…Yang, from above," she said.

"Yes ma'am." Cristina answered.

"You've got work to do, all of you…get to your interns, instead of having them running around this hospital doing God knows what foolish thing."

Cristina and Izzie started to walk out, while Meredith and Alex changed into their scrubs, and he started to leave followed quickly by Meredith.

"Grey, a word with you," Miranda who'd been seating on the couch called out to her.

"Dr.Bailey, I thought you'd left."

"Meredith, they don't know you're off the schedule."

"Neither did I till last night."

"Seriously, that man hadn't told you…"

"No ma'am."

"Well, he really does want to surprise you," she smiled.

"You mean you know…knew he's taking me on a trip…"

"You people just don't get it, I know everything…" she smiled and then softer, "yes, Meredith, he told me, and I'm glad we could make it work. Now, I'm not sure he told you when you get back you won't be seeing any time off in a long while."

"Yes, he did tell me that," she smiled. "Dr. Bailey, thank you, for everything you've done for us…for me the last few weeks."

"He's been on cloud 9 since I told him you didn't have to be back till Monday, so I hope he lives up to that McDreamy name…and if he doesn't, Grey you come to me," she joked.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "you're an old softie."

"I may be older than you Grey," she said gruffly, "but I'm no softie."

"Your secret is safe with me."

"Make sure of it," she said and hugged Meredith. "You take care of yourself, and don't over do it, get some rest, plenty of water…no alcohol on your flight, and walk around a bit…don't sit the whole time…it's important."

"Do you know where we're going?"

"Yes, and don't ask."

"I'm not going to, he wants to surprise me and I'm going to let him."

"Let him take care of you too, Meredith, that's part of his own healing, over your loss."

"I know," she said and hesitant at first, she gave Miranda a kiss on the cheek, "thank you again, for caring."

"Old softie, my foot," Miranda mumbled while walking away, knowing Meredith could not see the smile on her face.

Meredith met up with her interns and explained their reassignments without giving them any unnecessary explanations for her absence.

Within the hour she had three pages a couple a few seconds apart, "crap," she said under her breath, "they found out," and walked to the resident's lounge.

"Would you care to explain this," Cristina was the first to speak.

"Explain what," she answered.

"Don't you play dumb with us, Meredith Grey…" Izzie told her.

"Dude, give her a break, and let her talk."

"Oh, be quiet Alex," Lexie said as she walked in, she was one of the three pages, including Cristina and Izzie, who'd taken care of paging the guys.

"There's probably a good explanation," George said, "right Mer, why you're off the schedule for a week."

"I'd like to hear it," Cristina said.

"So would I Mer, and so is Derek," Izzie said.

Meredith didn't say anything, thinking of how much she was going to tell them, certainly not that he'd bought an engagement ring, they'd never hear the end of jokes about the non-proposals.

"Look, Mer," Alex jumped right in, "rumor is that the fight with Dr. Webber was pretty serious and he's resigned and the Chief asked him not to say anything till they find a replacement, but he's going on interviews for another job, that you're going with him, and you're either leaving with him or you guys are history."

"Ok…" she said, "I can absolutely guarantee none of that is true."

"Which part," Cristina insisted.

"All of it."

"Oh thank God," Lexie sighed.

"Lexie, what are you talking about, she's going to be gone for a week, something's got to be wrong, she's a second year resident, she can't just take time off," Izzie said.

"Meredith," Lexie asked, "is anything wrong?"

"No, there is nothing wrong, but yes, Derek did, if you must know, and I did not find out until last night when we left here, he did ask that we get that time off, and we are. We're leaving tomorrow morning."

"Where are you going?" the three women asked.

"I have no idea."

"Meredith, knock it off," Cristina told her.

"Seriously…guys, I have no idea…Derek has not told me."

"How…are you supposed to pack, and get ready," Izzie asked.

"All I know is the temperature, and that I need to have my passport."

"Ok, Mer, I'm your person, and you don't like surprises."

"That seems to have changed…I'll let you know how this one goes."

"So, you're leaving tomorrow, when are you coming back," Lexie asked her.

"All I know is we're back to work next Monday."

"Mer, Cristina is right, this is nothing like you," Izzie said.

"You know what, Izzie, it feels good …really good where Derek and I are right now, and I'm going to go along with it…and enjoy it."

"Mer, I'm glad," Alex said, "I told you if you needed me to cover I would, and I've only been pulled in one day…so if any of these whiners complain I'm going to let Bailey know I'll cover for you."

"Thanks Alex, that's really sweet," she said, "it means a lot to me."

"We'll see you at home tonight, right Mer…" Izzie asked.

"Yes, we were at Derek's last night, and he packed, so I need to do that tonight, our flight leaves at six-thirty."

"I can drive you to the airport, if you want," George told her.

"I'll ask Derek, see what he wants to do, he was thinking of leaving the car there."

"Just let me know, I'll see you tonight," George told her.

"Can I go now," Meredith asked. "You really need to stop listening to gossip."

"It's hard, when it's about you and Derek, Mer it's all over the hospital," Lexie laughed.

"Oh…by the way…check with Mark…he's got a sure safe bet for you…" she laughed.

"Meredith Grey," Cristina said, "get your ass back in here right now."

"What…"

"What's with the bet?"

"You are unbelievable…Cristina, you're more concerned over a bet, than something actually being wrong and the reason we're going away."

"Get over it," Cristina replied, "you already said there was nothing wrong, what's the bet?"

"I'm in on the cut…if you win…" Meredith told her.

"You can't do that," Izzie said.

"Of course I can…part of the proceeds, deal?"

"Deal," they all answered.

"You will have a winning bet, if you think Derek and I will be engaged within the month."

"We've heard that before…his non-proposals…" Cristina muttered.

"Cristina!"

"Fine…but, you're joking…right."

"Not at all…"

"Wait…" Izzie said, "there's been make up and break up sex…and a lot of all sex and mockery and all over the place sex…and now this trip…"

"Dude…safe bet is either engagement sex or engagement trip," Alex cracked up.

"Up to you guys… all I'm saying…within the month, I've go to go," she said walking out, again with a smile, knowing Seattle Grace would be buzzing with its own interpretation of those comments soon enough.

Meredith lost track of time as she tried to work one on one with each of her interns knowing she'd be away a week, though she missed not scrubbing in, and before she realized, it was close to one and decided to take a break for lunch, and walked to Derek's office and knocked.

"Come in," he answered without looking away from his work.

"Hey."

"You don't have to knock," he smiled, "how's your day going?"

"Hectic," she said as she walked over to him and kissed his lips softly, "what about you?"

"Same, just have one surgery in a half hour, and should be done by three, and then I'll review the last tests I ordered for Kelly, so she can hopefully go home by five."

"That will be great, I'm planning on spending a little bit of time with her before she leaves, so I'm going to take a short lunch now, but I wanted to check my emails and I thought I could use your computer for privacy."

"I've told you already, you can use it anytime," he said getting up and telling her to take his seat, "I'm going to grab something quick to eat, and I'll bring you something, what would you like?"

"Salad, maybe half a sandwich," she said, "thank you."

"I'll be right back," he said and kissed her cheek.

Meredith logged in to check her personal emails, she wanted to make sure all were read or discarded before she left, and she also wanted to email Derek's mom, not just call her out of the blue, and she knew she read her emails every day. She was not surprised to have a response to her last one.

_Oh, sweetheart, I wish I could be near you both and give you a hug, meanwhile, I'm praying your hearts continue to heal quickly._

_Meredith dear, if I followed my instincts I'd be on a plane right now to see you, it's been too long since I've seen my son and now, it seems I've a new daughter to love. But, I will not become that meddling mother in law…yes, Kathleen told me about the non-proposal, and I can only say, I wish I was close enough to smack him. BTW she takes after me in the smacking department. _

_Would you mind, if I called you…I understand if you're not ready…but when you are, please let me know, I'd love to talk to you again soon. Love, Mom._

Meredith was surprised with the intimacy of the communication she was exchanging with his mother, it was something she could not have imagined months ago, even weeks ago, but ever since she and Derek hat literally hit rock bottom and Kathleen spent time with them, with her, she found herself wanting to be part of a family, his family. Then when she found out she was pregnant, she'd discovered motherly affection she did not know she would ever possess and now it was merely an empty corner of her heart craving the type of relationship Mrs. Shepherd was offering, and she hoped one day she'd have with the children she and Derek might have.

She'd done much better the last two days she thought, not crying as much, not thinking about the baby as much, but now, reading the email, sadness threatened to overwhelm her, and she fought unsuccessfully to keep the tears at bay, and just as Derek walked in, she wiped the tears away.

"Hey," he said and walked around his desk and pulled her gently from the seat and sat down, sitting her on his lap and hugging her, he eased her head to rest on his chest as he whispered, "I love you, Meredith, will you tell me what's making you cry," he asked as he continued to lightly caress her arms with his fingertips.

"I'm…I haven't been crying, not as much…but, I was just sad…I'm sorry, Derek, I don't want you to see me cry anymore," she said and he heard her sigh against his shoulder.

"I know…you haven't cried as much, but I do understand…it will still happen, and I don't want you to feel you have to keep that from me."

"I don't…but…I prefer…we've…we're planning happy things, I don't want to bring you down."

"I need to be there for you…please don't shut me out."

"I'm not, really I'm not…just now…I wasn't expecting the sadness."

"What brought it on," he said, "do you want to talk about it?"

"Just hormones Derek, I read your Mom's email, and it made me think…made me wonder what it would have been like to have a mother like yours, that so obviously cared about her children…and loved them…and wasn't afraid to show you…and just…well, I hope…I can be that kind of mother…"she said and he wiped away a lone tear, "for our children."

"Well, I know you will be…I have no doubts, that's the kind of mother you will be,"

he said and kissed her gently, "because in just a few days you were already, for our little girl."

"Oh…Derek," she said wrapping her arms around his neck, "I want this feeling to go away…I don't want to be sad…"

"It will get better…it hasn't been that long, it will get better," he assured her.

"You can read her email, I haven't replied yet," she said, and he did, and she heard his sharp intake of breath and knew he was as affected as she was.

"She can be good for you, Meredith, let her…let her do a little mothering that is so much a part of her…she's already accepted you and hasn't even met you, she can be a good mother figure Meredith, and I can see she wants to be that to you."

"I know…and I was thinking…I want that too…"

"Remember, one step a time. Will you be all right? I've got to get to surgery."

"Yes," she said brushing his lips, "I'll see you later."

"Eat your lunch," he said as he walked away.

She began to eat her lunch, as well as type.

_Dear Mrs. S, _

_You are determined to make me cry…but you made me smile as well, he's gotten a few smacks over that already, including from Kathleen. _

_I think I would love one of your hugs and hope it's not too long before I see you. _

_As for calling, you can do so anytime, but I was actually going to ask you if it was ok to call you later today, and how late I can call without disturbing you. Talk to you soon, Meredith_

Meredith worked methodically the rest of the afternoon, ensuring she'd covered everything she could anticipate with her interns, it helped she had George who'd been through this before, and he was being very supportive, and they'd both laughed when they would hear some of the comments about her and Derek.

Her interns, before the end of the day would ask, point blank, if she was leaving Seattle Grace, and she assured them she was not, and both she and Derek would be back in a week's time.

She'd been standing on her feet almost all day, without a break except for the less than half an hour in Derek's office, and was rubbing the back of her neck when she felt him breathe behind her, "hey, you look tired," he said as he rested his chin on her shoulder and just breathed in her scent.

"A little, I'm glad I'm done in a couple of hours. I've tried to think of everything and George's been a big help, being gone a week and all, and my interns are stressing about the day they spend with Cristina, some have her 2 days."

"She can't be that bad," he murmured.

"Derek, it's Cristina."

"Yeah, I guess you're right," he said and massaged her shoulders.

"Uhmm…that feels good."

"We're getting speculative looks our way…" he told her, "they've no idea what to expect of us," he chuckled and kissed her neck.

"Serves them right for being gossips," she smiled, "how was your surgery?"

"All went well, I'm on my way to get Kelly's test results and after I check on the patient again, should get over to see her."

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…" he said, his chin resting on her shoulder again.

"No second thoughts?"

"About Kelly going home?" he teased.

"About us," she said seriously. "I mean before I call your Mom."

He turned her around and kissed her, uncaring of the spectators, "does that answer your question?"

"Loud and clear," she said with a smile, and kissed his cheek.

"Ok, then. I'll see you later."

"Bye Derek," she said, and picked up the phone to change the date of her next appointment with Dr.Wyatt to the week they got back.

She was with a patient when she got two pages to Kelly's room, but could not walk out right away, and when she finished rushed to get there.

"Thank you for coming so quickly," a frazzled John Mulligan told her while holding a crying baby, as she approached Kelly's room, "Colleen is about to kill me," he said.

"What's wrong," she said, "I was paged by Dr. Shepherd and Dr.Bailey."

"Apparently I put my foot in my mouth, and Kelly has not stopped crying and doesn't want to leave until she sees you."

"But there's nothing wrong with her, physically?" she asked with great concern.

"No, just…she thinks she hurt your feelings and that's why you haven't come to see her."

"Mr. Mulligan…why does she think that? I should know before I go in to see her."

"Oh, God, Colleen's right, I was an idiot," he said and tried to soothe the crying baby, who looked over to Meredith and apparently remembered he wanted his mother, and wailed, looking at her with big tears rolling down his face.

"Ma-ma…ma ma ma…li...li li…ma ma ma," and surprising herself, Meredith reached out to hold him, and was even more surprised when he went to her easily and put his head on her shoulder and continued whimpering and calling for his mom and sister, though he began to calm down as Meredith rubbed his back gently and whispered quietly to him.

"What happened?"

"Colleen went home to spend a little time with Sean and bring him with her, so we'd all go home together, and I stayed with Kelly. I thought she was asleep, and Colleen and I were on the phone, and…sorry, Dr. Grey, she was telling me about what happened when you came to see Kelly yesterday, and I put my foot in my mouth."

"What did you say that would upset her, she was fine last night?"

"She's a little girl, and took it out of context," he defended himself.

"Mr. Mulligan?"

"Please call me John, I'm not that ancient, and you call Colleen by her first name."

"John…will you please finish the story," she said, and snuggled the now quiet and almost sleeping baby closer to her, just as Derek walked out and witnessed yet another moment of gentle healing for Meredith.

"Colleen and I, we spoke, we're aware of your loss Meredith, and all I said, well, what she heard me say was that I understood why you would be affected and upset, and how it might be difficult for you to want to spend time with Kelly right now."

"Oh, poor baby," she said, locking gazes with Derek, "I can see that she'd be upset, she would not be able to understand what you meant, only that I wasn't coming to see her."

"I'm sorry," Mulligan told her and looked over to Derek, "we weren't gossiping, you saved our daughter, she's become very attached to you, and we've become fond of both of you."

"It's ok, really," Meredith said and moved to stand next to Derek and leaned in to him, still holding the baby, "I'll go in now."

"Dr. Grey, Colleen told me Kelly's reaction yesterday. We're quite perplexed over her Angel stories, how to handle it, and I might have also said, I could see she was being bratty and had probably hurt your feelings."

"Talk to Derek," she said, "ask him about putting his foot in his mouth," she said attempting to lighten the mood, and handed the sleeping baby to his father and walked in to Kelly's room where the little girl was nestled in her mother's arms.

"Dr. Mewedith…you came…Daddy said…you was too busy…and I was bwatty and I pwobaly hurted your feelings and you don't come to see me…I'm sorry …I do not want to hurt your feelings yesterday.

"Kelly, sweetie," she said and walked over to the bed, "remember I told you I would see you before you left?"

"Yes…but Dr.Shep said I was going home and you don't come to see me."

"Well, but didn't he tell you I would be here, before you left."

The little girl nodded and took a couple of little breaths with emotion filled sighs in between.

"Then why are you crying?" she said and sat at the foot of the bed.

"Cause I made you sad."

"I'm not sad."

"You were crying when I gave you my picture…I saw you crying in your eyes."

"Will you sit with me?" Meredith asked and Colleen got up from the bed.

"Kelly, honey, is it ok if Mommy goes to see if Sean stopped crying?"

"Yes, Mommy. Dr. Mewedith is doctor she can take care of me."

Colleen opened the door and glared at her husband, but was pleased the baby was sleeping, and all three adults came back in the room, and saw Meredith with Kelly cradled in her lap.

"Dr. Mewedith, my Mommy was really angwy with my Daddy, cause she told he was just bwainless, and she used a bad word…"

All four adults looked at each other, but Derek and Meredith laughed.

"Well, you know what…sometimes I tell Dr. Shep that very same thing," she told the little girl while lightly brushing her hair back, "and it doesn't mean I'm angry with him, only that maybe he forgot to think about what he wanted to say, and said the wrong thing," she said knowing it would be a topic of conversation again sometime amongst the adults.

"Dr. Mewedith, that is so silly, Dr. Shep can't be bwainless like Daddy, cause he's bwain doctor…so he can make your head feel all better, and he made me feel all better, but he didn't have to cut my head…only…he had to cut my back…but it made my head better, remember…"

"I do…and now you get to go home, and soon you will be all better and do everything you did before you got sick."

"Dr. Mewedith…why did you have crying in your eyes when I give you my picture…  
did I hurted your feelings?"

"I loved your picture, and sometimes when we're all grown up…and we love something a lot or something makes us happy…we can have happy tears…not sad tears…does that make sense to you?"

"You can have happy crying?"

"Yes," she said and drew her closer and hugged her, kissing the top of her head and met Derek's gaze, "you can have happy tears," she said as her eyes misted, and she marveled at the healing power she'd found in just holding these two children who'd so very unexpectedly come into her life, at the very perfect time when her heart needed healing.

"Dr. Mewedith, I gets to go home now…that's why Mommy gots Sean, but he was cwying lots and lots before, he was scweaming…so Daddy had to take him outside."

"Sometimes babies get tired and they cry you know," Meredith felt she was babbling, and looked at Derek and shrugged, she had no idea what she was talking about, and he smiled.

"Big girls don't do that…only babies cry cause they're tired," Kelly told her with such certainty that all the adults had to laugh.

"Ok…now," Derek spoke up, "young lady, you get to go home now, and remember you told me you were going to do everything your Mommy and Daddy tell you, so you can be a lot better when I come back and see you…"

"I'm going to be very good, Dr. Shep, and be all better when you comes back."

"Dr. Meredith and I are both going to see you in about 10 days when your Mommy brings you to my office, ok?"

"Dr.Mewedith, Dr.Shep told Mommy and Daddy you was going to …"

"Kelly, you know what, Meredith interrupted her, I think Dr.Shep wants it to be a surprise for me, so if you heard him telling your Mommy and Daddy, it's supposed to be a secret."

"Oh…no…sorry…I remember he said it was a surpwise…and you get to goes away on an airplane."

"Yes, he did tell me that," she said looking over at Derek and John. "Colleen, ask John to tell you about his conversation with Derek and the foot syndrome, now they have two of them in common, in addition to living on Bainbridge," she laughed.

"Dr. Mewedith, you're funny…talking grown up talk…"

"I think you're pretty good understanding grown up talk," she told her.

"That's what my Nana says."

"I think she's right. We're going to go now, so you can get ready and go home," she said and gave her a hug and a kiss on the cheek.

"Dr. Shep, can I give you a hug too?"

"Of course you can," he said, and when he leaned over the little girl placed one hand around his neck and one around Meredith.

"Dr. Shep…I've gots a secret I can tell you…" she whispered her eyes shining brightly.

"You do," he whispered back.

"My friend Bwianna, she tolds me you and Dr. Mewedith would be really happy if I tolds you she wanted me to give you a hug…but I had to keep it a secret till I go home."

Derek looked at Meredith and saw the gentle peacefulness of her expression as their gazes locked, and he closed his eyes briefly and sent a silent prayer, "thank you…thank you for putting this child in our path to help heal the woman I love, thank you for letting me find Meredith to love…my breath of fresh air…thank you for her forgiveness… please help me to heal as well," and he opened his eyes to the gentle squeeze of her hand in his, and a smile that told him his prayers would indeed be heard and answered.

"Your friend was right…we loved your hug," he told her, and took Kelly from Meredith's lap and sat her on the bed.

"Dr. Shep, you didn't told me before, but is Dr. Mewedith your girlfriend?"

"Tell you what, why don't you ask her when I see you again?"

"Cause you've got to ask her to be your girlfriend? My mommy's sister she had a boyfriend and then she gots a baby and now he's not her boyfriend anymore cause they gots married."

"Oh God…my Mother will kill me," they heard John mumble, "how does she manage to pick and choose just the right thing to sound wretched."

"Colleen," Meredith laughed, "when we get back…maybe I can have some additional prescriptions for the foot syndrome."

"Dr. Shep, don't forget…when I gets lots and lots better you told me I can visit and go to your twailer and play with the bubbles just like in my picture."

"I won't forget, you'll come visit just like in your picture," he said, and reached for Meredith's hand, "you're all set…you can go home."

"That's so exciting…Dr. Shep…like from here to the moon."

"It sure is princess, that's just the way your Mommy and I feel," John told her, and both he and Colleen had tears in their eyes, amazed that their little girl was going home.

"Daddy, you're going to have to buy Mommy chocolate ice cream so she can be not angwy anymore…and I can have some too."

"Sweetie…Mommy's not angry with Daddy," Colleen said coming closer to the bed.

"Mommy, you called Daddy a bad word…that's when you're angry…"

"Mommy's not angry anymore, ok, I'm just very very happy my princess is coming home."

"I love you Mommy…I love you Daddy…"

"We love you too sweetie, we love you very much," she told her as she picked her up and went to stand next to John, "and your baby brother loves you very much too."

Meredith and Derek took in that family portrait, and met the reflection of each other's gaze, filled with hope and promises for the future.

"We'll see you next Monday," Derek said, never letting go of Meredith's hand.

"You two have a wonderful time," John spoke, "and Derek think about all we spoke about, I hope you'll take us up on it."

"Thanks John, I'll talk everything over with Meredith."

Colleen sat Kelly in the wheelchair that had been brought in earlier, and gave her a kiss, "Mommy wants to say something to Dr.Meredith, I'll just be a minute, ok?"

"You gots to tell her a secret?" she whispered to her mother.

"Something like that…"

"Ok Mommy."

Meredith crouched down to Kelly's level, "you are a very special little girl, and I am very happy that I got to meet you, and I will see you again soon," she said and kissed her cheek, and got another hug in return, and swore she heard a gentle unexpected whisper, and simply accepted that she had.

"Meredith," Colleen said, and walked with her to the door, "we'd already thanked Dr. Shepherd…Derek, he saved our baby's life, but, we know what you were going through, so thank you… I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate how wonderful you've been with Kelly, I hope she's helped you…"

"She has, Colleen, you have no idea…"

"I think I do," Colleen told her, "and I hope we will stay in touch, when you come back."

"I'm pretty sure we will."

"Meredith, while you're away; and it's a beautiful place where you're going…and no, he did not tell us everything only where he was going and we gave him a few more ideas because we know the place well; get some rest, let your body …and your heart heal…and I promise you, I can see myself knitting that blue blanket for you…and it won't be as long as you may think, but it will be because you're ready, and you are going to be a wonderful mother."

"Blue…" Meredith said surprised.

"Oh yes…I think it will be blue…" Colleen smiled as though she did know.

"Colleen," Meredith smiled, "thank you…I will do those things, and I think you're right…it will be blue."

"Travel safely, Meredith…you'll both be in my prayers," she said and hugged her.

"Kelly will be in mine," Meredith said softly.

"Thank you," Colleen answered and both women knew instinctively they had been meant to meet, that they were meant to be friends.

Derek and Meredith walked down the hall in silence, her hand in his, and he was the first to speak. "Any chance you'll be done before six?"

"No, I'm pretty much done with all my paperwork and charts, but I'm meeting with my interns at five-thirty just to go over today's cases, and see if there's anything they need."

"I'll be here at six then, I've got some errands to run."

"Derek," she said and paused, "how much do they know?"

"The Mulligan's?"

"Yes."

"We've spent a lot of time talking, about our house, they're aware about the baby, I mentioned we were going away and where, and they've been there, so we talked about it,

And you heard me say in front of Kelly, that you'd promised to marry me, that's all…I haven't said anything else," he said concern in his voice over what her reaction would be.

"It's ok Derek, I don't mind that you told them…I just wanted to know. So, you're done for the day?"

"Yes, pretty much, I just need to discuss a couple things with Richard."

"Derek…everything is really ok…between you?"

"Yes," he said, kissing her lightly on the lips as they walked towards the elevators, "I just want him to know about a couple of cases. I'll be here at six."

"I can probably get a ride home with …"

"I'll see you at six, we're walking out of here together and coming back…together…engaged," he smiled cocking his head and winking at her.

"I emailed your Mom Derek, told her I would call her… maybe…I'll do it from your office…I have a few minutes now, so it's not too late back east."

"She's up late, but yes, use my office is you want, see you in a while," he said and got in the elevator.

Meredith went to Derek's office, confident there was nothing else for her to do in the half hour before she me up with her interns and logged on to her hospital address and placed an out office message, and then logged on to her personal account and read the email she'd known she'd find.

_Meredith, you can call me anytime…night or day…I mean that sincerely._

_But, there's no sense in waking me at three in the morning, just so I can tell you if you did right in smacking him again, LOL… It's a safe bet I'm up till midnight most nights and the others fall asleep through Letterman if there's no one interesting on. _

_I'm glad I didn't catch the first flight out…Derek told me this morning he's taking you away for a week…but didn't say where, maybe you can fill me in later. I'll expect your call anytime you're free today. Love, Mom _

Meredith took a deep breath, this is it she thought, and dialed the number she'd asked Derek to record on her phone earlier, and reflected on the screen she read Mom, and her heart ached a little that she'd never had that option with her mother.

"Hello," she heard after the third ring.

"Mrs. Shepherd, it's Meredith."

"Sweetheart, I'm so glad you're calling."

"I…I know I told you I would, before…before Derek and I were away…how are you?"

"I'm just fine dear, but I'm more concerned about you and Derek, though he assured me in his email this morning that the two of you are ok."

"Yes, we are, and…I'm not sure I can talk about it…not yet…on the phone, but…I think…everything's going to be fine."

"Meredith, your sadness…yours and Derek…there's nothing wrong, is there, physically I mean…neither one of you is ill?" she asked with concern quite evident in her voice.

"No…it's nothing like that."

"You're sure."

"Yes, I am…it's just…some unexpected sadness that we weren't quite sure …how…how we'd get through it…"

"Well, I'm not going to make you talk about it now, because I don't want you to think of talking to me and being sad, and I'd rather hear about your trip."

"Mrs. S…"

"Yes, dear."

"Derek, he's planned this big surprise trip for us, but he hasn't told me where we're going and he only told me last night…I mean, I actually thought he was going to see you…I've been trying to convince him to do that…because it's been a long time, and we…well, it turned out he was planning on taking me along…."

"But…he's not coming to visit me Meredith, that much I know…Kathleen told me he's taking you somewhere where you'll need your passport."

"Yes, that's about the only thing I know for sure, and that we will need to be back at work next Monday."

"I'm very glad you called me, because I have been worried about you, but talking to you now makes me feel a lot better."

"I feel better too…and I'm glad…you'd said in your email you were going to call me…and well, Mrs. Shep…Mrs. S…I'm not really good at this, but you can call me anytime too…just, I may not always be the best of conversationalists."

"Well, dear, from Kathleen said, I have a new daughter to look forward to meeting, and we have many years ahead of us, God willing since I'm not that old, no matter what my grandkids may think, and we'll have plenty of time to get to know each other."

"Derek bought my ring yesterday," she blurted out.

"Meredith, did you just say he bought your ring, he proposed, sweetheart that's wonderful…I knew it was going to happen sooner than later…"

"No, he hasn't given it to me yet."

"What? That boy, what is wrong with him?"

"No…it's not like that, I mean he told me he bought the ring, because I thought he was going away without me…it's a long story, but he told me so I would know he hadn't forgotten…"

"You thought he'd forgotten…that he was going to propose?"

"Yes, I'm sorry…I know that sounds awful…but there's been a lot…"

"I'm not blaming you Meredith, it's Derek I'd like to get my hands on for making you feel insecure like that, but just you wait."

"Mrs. S…"

"Yes, dear."

"I told Derek, before we left I wanted to call you and tell you that he is planning on proposing during this trip…but he has this whole surprise planned, and I'm letting him…I know he needs to do this, especially now…"

"Why especially now…"

"That's…that's part of the sadness."

"Meredith, are you sure…you're not keeping anything from me, honey, one of you is not sick…are you?"

"No…no I promise you…that's not it, I'm not usually very good with surprises but he's going through such efforts I don't want to ruin it for him."

"That's very sweet of you."

"Mrs. S…we really love each other, we've been through a lot…but we're going to be ok now, and I wanted you to know…before anyone else that he was going to propose…well, Kathleen knows, and she's the only one that has seen my ring, and knows where we are going."

"Kathleen has seen your ring and knows where you're going? That little sneaky…" Mrs. Shepherd laughed.

"You're not mad at her are you?"

"No, Meredith, I'm not, I am delighted you wanted to share this with me, truly I am…very happy that he's finally come to his senses, because from what Kathleen has told me that two of you belong together…in her words…Derek has found his soul mate."

"I found mine too," Meredith said and could not keep her voice from breaking, "and I want you to know…I won't ever do anything to hurt him again."

"Oh sweetheart, don't cry…"

"It's ok…they're happy tears…they are…after many sad ones… and your prayers…they're helping, I know they are."

"I can't very well have my new daughter crying while talking to me, now can I, so maybe I can help by telling you a story about him, when he was a little boy about six years old," she started telling her the story and had Meredith laughing before long. "His father and I could not stop laughing every time we thought about it."

"Mrs. S…I was thinking…" she said, while biting her bottom lip.

"About what?"

"I haven't told Derek…not yet, first I wanted to ask you, that's why I'm calling you now, because I'll be with him later and won't have the privacy to speak with you…he's very nosy you know…"

"Yes, I know…I think it's a Shepherd trait," she laughed.

"Well…I don't want him to be disappointed, since he's trying so hard to make this a really special trip for me, and I haven't done anything for him…and I was wondering…if maybe you would think about coming to visit us…after we get back…maybe you can come and see us…but I didn't want to say anything to him unless you wanted to do that…I mean, I know it's short notice and you don't know me…and Nancy's probably said awful things, but I would like to do this for him…"

"Meredith, stop rambling, and yes, of course I'll come…and don't you ever worry about Nancy again…because from what Kathleen has told me and what little communication you and I have had, I can tell you that I'm looking forward to the day you marry my son, because there's no doubt in my mind the two of you belong together."

"You do," Meredith asked quietly.

"Yes, I do…now…what I would like you to do as soon as you get to your destination is email me and tell me where you are…though Kathleen might tell me now, but…you must absolutely call me when he proposes…and I don't care what time it is, Meredith, you will call me."

Meredith giggled, "that's just what Kathleen said."

"You call me first…that's a mother's prerogative to pull rank," she said seriously.

"What…what if we call you both at the very same time…three way calling."

"That's fine…as long as you call me first," she conceded.

"Mrs. S…I'm going to love meeting you."

"So am I Meredith, so am I."

"I have to go now, I have a meeting with my interns before I leave today, but…I'll call you, Derek and I will call you …"

"Meredith, I won't say anything to Kathleen or Derek if he calls, you should be the one to tell him that I'll come visit when you get back."

"That's ok…you can say something."

"No, dear…it's what you want to do for him, he should hear it from you."

"I'll tell him…and, we'll talk soon."

"Have a safe trip, I will keep you both in my prayers, good night Meredith."

"Goodnight Mrs. S," she said and disconnected the call, with Mom on the screen, and imagined there would be one day she'd feel right about calling her Mom.

-where are you?

-ready to leave resident's lounge

-leaving my ofc wait for me there

-ok

Derek was in the lounge a few minutes later and smiled at her as she walked into his embrace and kissed the top of her head.

"This is it," he said.

"This is it," she agreed.

"No more break up sex or sex and mockery…just us and engagement…commitment sex…and later married sex…" he said as he placed his arms around her waist.

"Do you think we'll get boring…eventually…married sex and all…"

"Do you?"

"Not on your life…not if I have anything to say about it…" she joked, "I just wanted to know what you thought…I mean…married sex…and you," she scrunched her nose, "not…good I heard."

"Low blow…" he laughed, "that was because all I could think about was you…"

"Then we should be fine…because…if you think about anybody else…you'll be…"

"A dead horse's ass…" they both laughed, and marveled that finally…finally they were one step closer to the commitment of a lifetime.

They walked out together holding hands, oblivious to the comings and goings of those about to change shifts and as they neared his car, Meredith turned around looking back at the hospital and threw her arms around his neck and hugged him, and he twirled her around before kissing her, and then heard her say, "you picked me Derek, you chose me…this time," she murmured against his lips.

"This time," he said, pulling her away from him to look at her face, his own emotions in turmoil and bittersweet that she'd had to make that statement, "is the one that counts, this time it's forever…Meredith, it's for a lifetime."

"I love you Derek," she said and kissed him deeply, and both gave in to the pleasure of the others lips until they took a much needed breath, "I have truly loved you forever."

"Let's go," he said, "we'll never live this one down" and both laughed at some of the expressions of the employees walking out, and looked back at the place that had brought them together, the place that held so many memories, the place where fate had played a role and destined two lonely people to Seattle Grace.

They'd been home over an hour and her room looked like a tornado had hit, at least that was his appraisal when he walked in to find an open suitcase on her bed and tons of clothes scattered everywhere.

"Meredith…what…are you doing?"

"I'm packing Derek," she snapped, "what does it look like I'm doing?

"Cleaning out the closet?" he said and was met with a glare.

"Are you trying to be funny?"

"Do you want me to help…" he asked tentatively.

"Help…it would have helped if you'd told me before, not when I have just one night, hours really to pack for seven days, Derek, that's when you could have helped."

He remained silent, not sure what the best approach was, and acknowledging that Richard had probably been right, one day's notice was not conducive to harmony, and was thankful for the interruption from Lexie and Izzie.

"Oh my God, Mer, what are you doing?" Izzie said.

"It looks like you're cleaning out your closet," Lexie laughed.

"It just figures, Lexie…you and Derek would say the same thing, and come in here and make fun," she said and he heard the catch in her voice, and knew her well enough to realize she was really upset and went to her side.

"Hey…" he said, and pulled her in to his arms, and Izzie and Lexie walked out closing the door behind them, "you want to tell me what's really wrong?"

He heard her sniffle, "I…it's probably just hormones still, and I'm sorry…I was just trying to figure out what to take, and I realized I had no idea where we're going, and I'll probably take al the wrong things, and I'm not good at this, and you're thinking of marrying me, and she probably knew exactly what to take…and looked perfect all the time, and I'm just…" she paused and wiped away her tears "and it's silly…and it's just been a really emotional day."

He pulled her along with him and went to sit in the empty chair and cradled her in his lap, "I wish…with all my heart…that you'd never had to meet Addison…"

"Derek, I'm sorry, it's just silly…don't worry."

"No, it's not, let me finish. There is nothing I can do to change the past, but I can assure you…that I will always regret that I did not tell you about her, and that I did not end my marriage to her the minute I left New York, because that would have spared us a lot of heartache."

"Derek, we don't have to talk about this now."

"Yes we do, this is the perfect time. We can't go back, but what I can tell you is that you are right about all those things you just said about packing and the perfect clothes. But, we had not been happy for a very long time, and all those things are so superficial and insignificant, that to see you trying to pack and all the clothes scattered, made me laugh, not at you…but at the wonderful feeling that I get when I look at you, all the facets of you…you make my life complete, and she never did that…yes, we were married and I did love her, but you have to know…and you need to know now…that what I feel for you is something I never felt for Addison, and she understood that, we talked about it…after our divorce we talked about it, and we were both at peace with moving on because we understood that…she knew…and I knew…that until you…I had not found my soul mate…I had not found the love of my life."

"You…you Shepherds are determined to make me cry today," she said and wiped away her tears.

"Who else made you cry today?"

"Your Mom…"

"Mom made you cry?"

"In a good way…in a really good way," she said and laid her head on his chest.

"Now, as for what you need, I already told you, whatever you don't take you can always get when we get there, and you saw what I packed, it can't be that hard."

"Brainless…"

"I seem to her that a lot lately."

"I'll figure it out…"

"I know you will…"

"But you should have given me more time."

"I realize that, it won't happen again."

"The only thing we need is your passport, everything else we can get later, do you know where that is?"

"I think so…" she said, and he did not notice the change in her mood.

"Meredith, you need your passport."

"I thought you were kidding, and yes I have my passport but I'm not sure it's valid…it may have expired."

What," he said with the most forlorn expression she'd ever seen…like he'd just lost his best friend, "I've been telling you that for days…we…we can't go on our trip."

"Derek, I'm sorry..." she said and kissed him, "I was teasing you…of course I have it…"

"That was mean…"

"Yes, it was…and I'm sorry…please don't be mad at me."

"I'm not…I believe you, but I thought our trip was doomed."

"I was just trying to lighten the mood a little, I thought you'd know I was teasing you…"

"I'm not sure who had a worse case of hormones just now," he said, and at that moment recalling the look on his face when he'd thought she was serious about the passport, made her realize that she'd been able to express her emotions without restraints over the last weeks, but he'd been holding much of it in as he made her his only priority.

"I love you Derek…and I love all you have been planning, and I'm sorry I ruined that, even if for just a few seconds."

"It's ok…now let me have you passport, before it gets lost in this jungle."

"Derek…" she said as she got up to get her passport.

"I love you Meredith," he said, knowing that was what she was waiting to hear.

"Reading my mind again…" she smiled.

"Uh huh…"

"Do you know what I'd like for dinner?"

"We'll order pizza," he said.

"Perfect."

"Should I send the troops in? I think I just heard Cristina."

"You probably should," she said and handed him the passport, and laughed when he looked at the expiration and let out a sigh.

"Meredith, what in the world are you doing, this is worse than my apartment," Cristina told her, as she Lexie and Izzie stood at the door, "move over, I may not care to keep an orderly house, but I was taught to pack by the best."

"Really…and who was that…" Meredith said sarcastically.

"The wife of a rich Jewish doctor," she paused for emphasis, "my mother."

A little more than an hour later, the four women joined Derek, George and Alex in the kitchen. "You didn't wait for us…is this what I have to look forward to," Meredith teased him, "we get engaged and I eat diner alone?"

"You're not engaged yet Meredith," Alex blurted out.

"Jerk," Izzie commented.

"Pizza's warm and in the oven," George told them, "there's plenty of it."

"Did you finish packing?" Derek questioned.

"All done, McDreamy," Cristina stated, "ready to be put in the car."

"Really?"

"Uh huh," Meredith said. "She really does know how to pack."

"Not to mention, we figured you won't need to many clothes, I mean you should be spending a lot of indoor time…" Izzie said.

"Izzie," Meredith chastised.

"Oh, come on, Mer…this is it…all those chocolate cake feelings, finally…McDreamy's making good on them."

They all engaged in the light banter with Derek taking all the mocking sent his way in stride, nothing bothered him as Meredith sat next to him and every so often they shared the slight touch of their hands or as now, the gentle squeezing of their laced fingers and an intimate smile.

"We need to be up at four, I think we'll call it a night…" Meredith said, "thanks for being here tonight, and all your support the last few weeks, it's meant a lot to me…and for covering for me the next week…thank you… for being my family."

They exchanged good byes and Izzie asked that she email when she knew their destination and to call the minute Derek proposed.

Cristina came up to Derek while the others were talking, " you were right, she is happy, you make her happy."

"We're going to make it," he stated.

"I know you are. Take care of her, she needs you."

"I need her too."

"She knows."

"Thank you Cristina."

"Just…don't mess up…"

"I won't."

"This has been a pretty long truce Shepherd…"

"We'll have to stir things up a bit…" he told her.

"Yeah…but, let me think about it…" she said, and they both laughed, accepting the understanding that they both had Meredith's best interest at heart.

"What are you two laughing at, this is scary," Meredith told them.

"Oh…just trying to figure out a way to break our truce," she said.

"Cristina…"

"Chill out Mer…we have an understanding," she said "I expect he got you a decent ring, I look forward to seeing it," she taunted, "have a safe trip guys…see you in a week."

"Good night Cristina," Derek said, and Meredith walked with her to the door.

"Thank you for being my person…especially the last few days…"

"Do you need a hug?"

"It wouldn't hurt," Meredith said and gave her a very quick hug.

"Make sure you call me first."

"I'll definitely keep that in mind," she said and closed the door after Cristina left, and walked back to the kitchen where she could hear Derek and Lexie talking.

"Traitor," she said to Lexie, "always taking his side."

"Mer…I didn't know …"

"I'm teasing you Lex," she said as she reached her side and hugged her, "it's just unbelievable how the two of you come up with the same things."

"We just both want and know what's best for you," Derek said.

"Yeah…maybe you do…" she said.

"Well, I did tell you…I knew he was going to be my brother in law…"

"Yes, you did…and you took his side from that first night, even when I wanted nothing to do with him."

"But…I knew you loved him…and he loved you…" she said, and smiled at her sister, "and I was right…you finally got it right…you know, the course of true love never did run smooth."

"A Midsummer's Night Dream," Meredith said.

"You know that…Meredith, you actually know that," Lexie laughed.

"I never cared for Romeo and Juliet, especially after I was forced to act in it…I much preferred this…in spite of it all, of how wrong all could have turned out, it worked out…they had their wedding…they were blessed…their house…and their future children," she said, "much better than the other ending."

Derek listened carefully to the tone of her voice and smiled; she never failed to surprise him, and hoped she would be happy with his.

"Lexie, will see you next week," he said and went up to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "thanks for everything, remember email me when you figure out what you'd like us to bring you…now that you know where we're going," he smiled.

"Hey you two, no secrets."

"None at all," Lexie said, pleased he'd trusted her before she'd gone up to help her pack and told her where they were going, hopefully that made a difference in the selection of clothes she's suggested. "You're the one that's going to have to let us know Mer, just like Izzie said, email when you get there…but you have to call me…as soon as you have the ring on your finger."

"Lexie, I get the feeling that if I don't…your brother in law will," she said and laughed, "we will call you…once I say yes."

"Good night, Lexie," he smiled, "Meredith, don't be long, we have a long day ahead of us, and we should get some sleep."

He was shocked to find the room in impeccable order when he got there and chuckled, and before he went to take a shower, looked in his overnight bag ensuring the ring he'd picked up earlier was safely in the zippered compartment.

"He told you, didn't he?"

"What are you talking about…"

"Where we're going…you know…"

"Meredith, you have a very active imagination."

"Thank you…for the last three weeks, I only hope…I can learn to be the sister you need and that I don't disappoint you, because, Lexie…I cannot imagine a better sister than you….even when I pushed you way…thank you for not letting me."

"I love you Meredith…I know it's been only a little while since we've known each other, but since I found out about you I wanted so much to meet you…and be part of your life…thank you for letting me."

"Well, you know I kind of sucked at the sister thing…but I'm trying…and I hoping I will get it right some day."

"You already have Meredith…tonight…right now, you already have."

"I love you Lexie…and I don't have to email you where we're at…but I will let you know as soon as the ring is on my finger."

"Have a safe trip…have fun…get some rest, don't over do it…Meredith, drink plenty of water on the trip, walk around the plane, it's a long flight…and…make sure to say yes," she teased.

"Yes Xena…I will do all of those things," she said and reached out to hug her sister.

"We'll see next week…"

"Yes…oh, while I'm away, use my room so you don't have to sleep on the couch, and no flirting with Mark."

Meredith walked to her room and found Derek sprawled on the bed his eyes closed and went to get ready for bed, deciding a shower was better now than at four in the morning.

"Hey," she whispered, "are you going to take up the entire bed?"

"What…"

"Normally we lie down vertically on the bed…but we can try this…"

"I fell asleep?"

"You did…you were up early today," she said and got in bed, and he moved to lie next to her and embraced her.

"Are you ok," he asked her, "we haven't had any time alone since we spoke earlier."

"Yes, everything is fine, let's get some sleep, we don't have much more than five hours to sleep."

"Do you want to talk…about today…you said earlier there were lots of emotons.

"There were, but it seems we have a long flight…"

"Why do you say that?"

"Lexie and Bailey both told me, you have a long flight, drink plenty of water, walk around…"

"Uhmmm."

"You told Lexie…"

"She told you that?"

"No, I told her…she did a very good job recommending what to pack…at least, I think she did, we'll find out when we get there."

"Did you pack the black dress…"

"I did…it's in my carry on…it holds too many special memories to risk it being lost with the checked luggage," she looked up at him and smiled, "wouldn't you agree?"

He didn't say a word, instead responded with a kiss that took her breath away.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith," he murmured as he gathered her close to him, her back pressed close to his body and they fell asleep with their hands entwined.

Derek decided it would be more convenient to take a cab that would drop them off at the curb and not have to worry about carrying suitcases from the parking lot and same thing on the return. That gave them some extra twenty minutes of sleep, so he'd set the alarm for four-thirty. When they got there he looked for a luggage cart and went to Delta's first class line.

"Derek, why are we in this line?"

"Because we're flying first class," he told her, "well our connection is actually Business, they don't have first class."

"Are you trying to impress me," she teased.

"No…I think I've already done that," he said, and she smiled, "yes, I believe you have."

"Would you mind, getting some mints?"

"Now…don't they need for me to check in?"

"Yes, but we still have several people in front of us," he told her, knowing full well she'd get back when he'd already made it to the ticket counter, which gave him time to present their documents and check their luggage to their final destination without her being aware of what it was. He explained to the agent it was a surprise, and they had no issues in mentioning only the flight to New York, as long as they could ask the corresponding security questions, which they did when Meredith got there, and found out the first leg of their journey.

"Enjoy your flight to New York," the agent told them, and made sure Derek had the connecting boarding passes in the other ticket jacket, "you'll be able to use our Crown Room during your connecting time, have a very pleasant trip."

"New York…we're connecting in New York, how long?"

"About three hours."

"Is that the same on the return?"

"Not as long…I don't think…we can check later."

"Still not telling me…"

"I said I would…if you guessed…but I'll tell you…before we get to New York."

They boarded the flight and Derek placed his bag in front of him, he knew they'd likely fall asleep and did not want to take any chances with the bag in the overhead compartment. Luckily when they'd gone through security there had been no further need for additional screenings which could have ruined the surprise if they took her ring out.

Meredith rested her head on his shoulder while they were waiting for take off, and as soon as the aircraft prepared for take off she reached for his hand and leaned in to kiss him, "thank you…for all you've done to make this special."

"I love you…I want you to be happy."

"I am Derek, you make me happy," she said just as the aircraft lifted off the ground, and again she rested her head against him and closed her eyes.

He heard the first quiet snore and decided to just let her sleep, and smiled, hopefully she would not get much louder than that, and took out his crossword puzzle.

The flight attendants began serving breakfast to the first class section and he woke Meredith, and they engaged in light conversation as they ate.

They had already cleared the dishes when she looked over his crossword puzzle, "need help?"

"No…you don't always know the answers…"

"But, I don't cheat," she said, "and took his pen and starting filling in some answers," then, as though it had never occurred to her before, she wrote off the side of the page.

V I P B L….

"You're trying to figure it out …like a crossword puzzle…" he teased her.

"I'm going to get it, you know…"

"I'm sure you will…counting on it, in fact," he said and raised a brow at her.

"Yes…well…that too…" she smiled.

"I'll give you another hint…if you want…" actually wanting her to guess where they were going, he was anxious to see her reaction.

"What another letter?" she mocked.

"No…a real hint this time."

"A real hint…"

"Uh huh…"

"You think I won't get it?"

"Quite the contrary…you do better with crossword than me, much better than just guessing letters…"

"Ok…what is it?"

"Let's see…if you think of the letters or should I say first initials…I've already given you…this one could be easy."

"Stop teasing…"

"The description is - a lover's conveyance, 7 words."

"Uhmm…7 words…and the other initials," she said and again wrote the original letters he'd given her, this time vertically and made some notes next to them,

V

I

P roposal, passport

B

L ove, lover

"A lover's conveyance," she repeated deep in concentration, "7 words…" she said and then turned to look at him…and he knew she'd get it, "the first letter…the first of seven letters…is it a g…" she asked as her eyes began to water.

"Yes," he said without breaking eye contact.

"Derek…" she barely whispered, as she placed her hand on his arm, "we're going to Venice?"

_AN 8/25 –This was certainly longer than I expected, but was determined they would be on their way at the end of this chapter. Motherly affection, I thought was appropriate of several relationships and their interaction with or around Meredith; Miranda, Mrs. Shepherd, Colleen and Meredith herself as she interacted with two children; all of them important as this story continues. Thanks again for reading, hope you like the destination I chose for their trip. _


	130. Chapter 130

**Ch 128 – Yes…Venice…**

"_A lover's conveyance," she repeated deep in concentration, "7 words…" she said and then turned to look at him…and he knew she'd get it, "the first letter…the first of seven letters…is it a g…" she asked as her eyes began to water._

"_Yes," he said without breaking eye contact._

"_Derek…" she whispered, "we're going to Venice?"_

"Yes," he answered as quietly as she had, and felt her fingers travel gently on his arm and then slowly squeeze his hand as he witnessed the inevitable emotional reaction.

She closed her eyes as she took a deep breath and he heard the quiet broken sob, biting her lower lip that trembled slightly, and then she met his gaze and instantly he thought, if that was the last vision in his life, he would forever remember it and know that in this lifetime, he had found and been unconditionally loved by his soul mate, the love of his life.

"You remembered…" she stated softly, her eyes shining, the grey of regrets turned to forgiveness; the light speckles of blue reflecting wonder and joy, and the green he loved best with hope…love…enchantment.

"How could I forget…" he said, humbled in the knowledge she had never loved anyone that way she loved him, that she had never told anyone other than him and he wanted her to know all that she meant to him, all that it meant to be loved by her.

"You…did this for me…" she said softly, still incredulous.

"Of course, for you…I told you there's nothing I wouldn't do to make you happy.

I have a lot to make up to you…for all the times I've screwed up," he said and lowered his gaze, remembering in shame.

"Don't do that," she asked softly, gently lifting his chin, "please don't look away from me… Derek, I need to look at your eyes…the depth of your feelings…that's where I find my strength…knowing you love me, looking at the reflection of your love in your eyes."

"I could get lost in your eyes forever, Meredith, and never need another thing in my life but to have you look at me…as you just did, and I know I don't deserve it."

"Derek…we both…deserve this…we've waited for so long, so long…" she said and buried her face in his chest and he felt her light trembling and did not need to look at her to know her tears would not be stopped.

"Hey," he said, as he ran his hands through her hair, and kissed the top of her head her temple, inexplicably unsure what came next, and tried to joke with her, "the flight attendants are going to think I'm a real jerk…making you cry."

"I don't care," she mumbled, "what they think, I can cry if I want to."

"I don't want you to be sad," he said softly.

"I'm not…but …not a lot of controls of my tears right now."

"I know…" he said, holding her as close as he could with the armrest as an obstacle between them.

"You remembered Derek…you really did…" she murmured softly.

"I always intended…ever since that day…I always intended that we'd visit Venice, but now…there was no reason to wait…I wanted to give you something special…"

"Is this…going there, did you always plan to propose there…"

"No…I had thought maybe our honeymoon, but…after everything we've been through lately…the last few weeks, I had planned just asking you, maybe a weekend away after Kathleen went home, but then…"

"I lost the baby…" she said, snuggling closer.

"Yes."

"I really thought you'd forgotten, wanted to forget ...or changed your mind…"

"I could never forget Meredith, that's why I told you…that I had your ring."

"Derek," she said, sitting up and looking at him, yet their bodies were as close as they physically could be in their current environment, and the intimacy spoke of an impenetrable cocoon protecting them of all but the immensity of their emotions, "I didn't mean to ruin it …your surprise, but I was scared…scared of losing you."

"You don't ever need to worry about that again" he told her as he bridged the inches between them and placed his lips on hers.

"How…when how did you think of this…"

"After…when…" he started, and she knew he was referring to the miscarriage, and recognized his struggle with their loss, though he was trying not to show it.

"When I had the miscarriage," she added, "you can say it, I'll be ok."

He held her chin, caressing her face with his thumb, "I wanted to propose right away, I did, I didn't want to wait any more but I thought I should wait, till you were feeling better…till we could enjoy the moment, and I don't mean sex, but without the sadness…so I waited a few days…so you could have a happy memory…something special…as special as you deserve…and then I thought, Venice would be the place…the one place I could truly make you understand my commitment to you…to us…"

"It's perfect…and I'm glad you waited…I'm getting better Derek…I am…the sadness, it's getting a little better…tell me when you decided…"

"When we dropped Kat off at the airport…it dawned on me…as I was driving there, that's what I needed to do, take you on a trip…and I thought Venice…I was driving remembering when you told me…"

"You were…" she said smiling and he was lost in a memory of months before.

"I was…remembering…" he said.

"How do you remember it…" she said, as they continued to build upon the intimacy of the moment.

"Uhmmm…it was raining, we were both off…and the house was quiet…"

"A Sunday morning alone…no roommates…"

"It had been a couple of weeks, since we'd gotten back together…in all ways," he said, as his eyes became darker…traveling back to that morning, to her in his arms, the look of fulfillment in her face, the look of yet unspoken words of love.

"We'd made love…during the night," she smiled lacing her fingers with his, "and that morning the rain had woken us and you reached for me and held me closer, and already I could feel your need for me…"

"And…we made love again," he said resting his forehead on hers, "and again," he smiled.

"Before you got up and made us breakfast…and brought it up…with the paper…"

"And you were lazy and feel asleep," he teased her.

"Lazy…I've never been lazy when it comes to…"

"Making love…no…you are not," he laughed softly, "but that morning, you fell asleep in my arms, and woke up, much later with the rain still splattering against the window and told me you could think of no reason to get out of bed that day and offered to help with the crossword puzzle…where I was apparently stuck."

"Today…that's how you knew I'd guess…when I took your crossword and wrote the letters down, trying to figure it out…you knew if you have me that clue…hint, I'd guess the answer…again…" she smiled, "and you wanted me to guess…didn't you?"

"I did…I knew you'd remember the answer…and it would give you the hint you needed to put all the pieces of those letter together, and I did want you to know already…I wanted to see …feel your reaction and hoped you would be pleased."

"I'm very pleased," she told him, "so going back…that Sunday morning…you had almost the completed puzzle and it was the same description, a lover's conveyance…and looking at the other answers I said…gondola…"

"You did…gondola, and it was…and you had this distant look in your eyes that I didn't understand…and then you told me…about Mrs. Sorrento, how that reminded you of the story she told you."

"You remember her name," Meredith asked truly surprised.

"Esme. Thanks to her, you acknowledged me that day, when you weren't speaking to me or looking at me."

"She was responsible for me admitting my feelings to you that day."

"I wanted so desperately for you to acknowledge I existed…and you wouldn't."

"After I spent time with them…when I saw you again, I had to tell you…"

"That you missed me…and I…couldn't…"

"Yeah…after you had asked me…you wouldn't even tell me that you missed me, she said and couldn't help remembering that moment with sadness.

"I'm sorry…I chose wrong…I never should have gone back to her, tried to make something work that had no future."

"Feeling you near me that day in the elevator…wanting to feel your touch, feeling guilty because I needed you so much, but after I told you that…that I missed you, you were farther apart from me than before."

"For a while…physically, but never away from my thoughts…from my heart," he said honestly.

"Neither were you."

"I could never forget her name…when you told me how she affected you, watching them…seeing what love could be like…with the love of your life. I wish I had met her, thank her for sharing her story her optimism with you. I was lost without you in my life, floundering, trying to make something work that had been over long before I met you, and longing for you. But, I thought, unable to do anything, and I hurt you…hurt all of us, and yet, she…Esme…her love story made you believe in us," he said with obvious emotion, "she made you want that kind of love for us, and here we are, on our way to Venice."

"On our way to Venice…"she said lovingly, "Esme and Jed, she was so sweet and gentle and she loved him so much. Now, do you believe Derek, do you think it's true…that they'll be together…for eternity."

"I'm counting on it," he said and kissed her softly.

"I believe they are," she said hopefully, "believe that we can be."

"I remember it all vividly, and then when you told me the whole story, and understood how much it had touched you, I knew that one day you and I would go to Venice…"

"Derek, if you could have seen how much they loved each other, they had been together sixty years and they were still holding hands and not wanting the other to know she was going to die," she said as tears gathered in her eyes, "you better promise me Derek…that you're not going to get sick and die…not till you're 110," she told him.

"And you'll still be in my arms…" he said, and brought her close to him, her face resting softly on him.

"Derek…" she said as she put all the pieces of the puzzles together… "you had more letters…B…I'm fairly certain I know," she smiled "but the L…"

"Do you want me to spell it out…" he teased.

"Actually…no…surprise me…" she said and looked up at him and kissed him softly.

"You're not mad anymore then…that I didn't tell you…didn't give you advance notice about the trip?"

"I was never really mad Derek…just the packing became a bit overwhelming, and knowing you had my ring and we were going way for a week, and that during the trip you'd propose, and there's changes Derek lots of changes…so, not mad…just, it's all new…"

"We don't have to rush anything you know…all that matters now is that we're together, we can take all those steps, Meredith…as slow or as quickly as you want."

The flight attendant approached them, and asked if they would like anything to drink. Meredith asked for water, "and you, Mr. Shepherd, what would you like?"

"Coffee please, and a glass of water."

"My pleasure, I'll be right back with your coffee," and as an afterthought, "and your water Ms. Grey."

"If…she flirts with you…again…I'm going to spill your coffee all over her."

"She wasn't flirting. Meredith they have the passenger list, they know our names, and they're supposed to use them."

"Derek, you are not that stupid."

"Here you go sweetie," the woman said placing a cup of coffee on his tray, as well as a glass of water, but did not bring Meredith's.

"Thank you," Derek said politely.

"Not a problem, let me know if there's anything else you need."

"Would it be too much trouble to bring my water?"

"Oh, I'm sorry…I'll bring that right away," the flight attendant told her.

"If you talk to her again…"

"Meredith, there's not reason to be jealous…" he teased her.

"You ass," she said, "you better not encourage her flirting…or…"

"Yes…"

"I'll think of something, it's too early in the morning."

"You know I have eyes for you only," he said using that McDreamy smile.

"Yes…I actually do know that," she admitted rolling her eyes.

"Here you go, Ms. Grey, sorry about that."

"Actually, it's Mrs. Shepherd."

"I'm sorry, the passenger list…"

"Don't worry…I just haven't changed my passport yet, we're on our honeymoon."

"Oh, congratulations…" she said and walked away.

"Our honeymoon …uhmmm…Mark would be proud of you."

"Why?"

"Marking your territory again…Mrs. Shepherd…" he laughed.

"Oh shut up…" she said, laughing softly, "just don't forget it."

"You have nothing to worry about…I told you already, I don't want to be a dead horse's…"

She giggled, "actually…if I was really going to think of you as an animal…it would probably be a black panther…ready to pounce," she said, "or roar, then pounce," she laughed.

"Go ahead…tease the caged beast," he whispered against her lips, and her heart skipped a beat thinking about the moment they would actually be together.

"I'm not teasing…"

"Really…as we're 35,000 feet in the air…hundreds of people around and we can't …"

"Derek…" she said quietly, "yesterday…and this morning…I'm only spotting, just a little…by tomorrow…it should have stopped."

"Tomorrow…" he said, caressing her arm gently, "then we wait…a couple more days."

"We…we may not need to wait…"

"Dr. Cameron said, wait a couple of days…Meredith…we'll wait…a couple of days…won't matter…we have a lifetime."

"I love you Derek," she said leaning in softly to brush his lips with hers.

"I love you too," he said and deepened the kissed.

"Derek…there's…people."

"Who cares, the flight attendants think we're on our honeymoon, and we don't have anyone sitting across the aisle to witness this…" he said and kissed her again.

"Derek, how…when did you make all the arrangements, you can tell me now."

"Let's see…we dropped Kat off the airport and I knew I was going to propose within weeks, as soon as we could get the time off and you felt better …and in the back of my mind I started thinking Venice."

"Derek, Kathleen said something about a passport she already knew?"

"No, she said she had a feeling, or rather, she asked me if I still got them…"

"And you said yes…"

"I decided at that moment, I'd propose in Venice."

"The whole time we were at the spa, you already knew…"

"I did…"

"And I was thinking you might have proposed then, but you didn't so I went back to doubting you wanted to do this…and maybe you'd changed your mind…but I pushed it to the back of my mind…well kind of, till the other night when I had to say something."

"I'd looked at rings months ago, so I called her, while you were in the shower…"

"The day you called her you talked to her about my ring? You'd already looked at one?"

"Uh huh…asked her to look at it, see if she thought you would like it."

"How could she look at it?"

"I sent her a link of what I was thinking of getting you, I also asked her to help me look for a hotel in Venice, and she'd been working overtime on this."

"She never said a word…or a hint."

"She wasn't supposed to," he smiled.

"You…you've planned this…taken so much time."

"I wanted something special…something we'll always remember…"

"Derek…you could have proposed at home…anywhere, just you and I would have been special."

"But…I wanted to do more…make up for so much…"

"Please, don't talk about those things anymore…let's put that behind us…enjoy our future together…we can…we'll have enough to deal with as I go through therapy, but now, this next week…let's enjoy it without any of that…"

"We can do that," he said, holding her hand and gently caressing it.

"So, where are we staying?"

"That is a surprise…"

"Come on, Derek…you can tell me…it will still be a surprise."

"No…one thing at a time…patience is a virtue …"

"Not necessarily in my book…" she said.

"Says the woman who wanted to take things slow…" he teased.

"That was different…" she said.

"Well…I've been very patient…for weeks…"

"Yes…but you don't have to wait much longer…" she told him, lowering her voice to a sexy whisper.

"I think…you can wait another 15 hours to find out, and I never quite found what I wanted, the hotels are all very …well, I was looking for a five star hotel that was not so…how can I say this…a bit more modern…but I'm afraid we had no luck…so when in Rome…or Venice…we adapt…and go with the tradition and splendor, because simplicity was not to be found…so it's not my taste necessarily…but…I think you'll enjoy our second stop…"

"We…we're going somewhere else…where…it makes sense, I mean not to spend a week in Venice only, but where are we going Derek…you have to tell me…"

"Uhmmm…"

The captain's voice came on with an announcement, "this is Captain Cole again, we hope you are enjoying your flight and thank you for flying Delta. We have unexpected headwinds, so our flight to New York will take us a little longer than usual, about six hours which means we have another four of what we expect will be a smooth flight. But, we just found out we have two passengers on board celebrating a very special occasion and wanted to extend our congratulations to Mr. and Mrs. Shepherd who are on their honeymoon and will be on our connecting flight to Venice."

Meredith looked at Derek with a shocked look on her face, "oh my God Derek," she said just as the flight attendant brought them two glasses of champagne.

"Thank you," Derek told her, "we appreciate this very much."

"We always try to do this if we're aware of it, make it a bit special for the passengers," she said as she walked away.

"Meredith…we should make a toast…" he teased.

"I feel like such a fraud…"

"Don't be…we'll be married…as soon as you want," he smiled, tilting his head in just the way that made her melt, "so…to our life together," he raised his glass.

"To our life together," she said and touched her flute to his, "I love you."

"I love you, Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled and leaned in to kiss her.

"You're going to tease me about this…aren't you…when we get back…I'll have to endure Mark's endless jokes…and Cristina and Lexie…and the rest of them, and add your own version of it…to amuse yourself."

"Probably."

"Derek…" she smiled, "I'm glad…happy that we can joke about it, all of this…I mean…imagine…the story you can tell our kids from this…"

"Imagine that…once upon a time…your Mommy proposed to Daddy on our way to Venice, not even giving him a chance to give her the ring he had, because she was so impatient…"

"Oh, you jerk…"

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek," she said and laid her head on his shoulder.

"Tired," he asked.

"Just a little."

"Get some sleep."

"Will you? You must be tired too."

"I'll get some sleep as well," he said, and they actually fell asleep for the next couple of hours, until the commotion began with the serving of beverages in the second cabin of the aircraft and the first class flight attendants brought them a snack.

"Derek, I didn't forget….my last question…"

"What?"

"Where else are we visiting?"

"Just go with it…go along with my plans…"

"And if I don't like it…" she taunted.

"Then we can visit someplace else," he said becoming serious, and she detected a pout.

"I can wait," she said, "I'm sure I will love what you've picked out."

"You know, I was talking to John and Colleen…and they have a place…the other place we're going, they offered for us to stay there…"

"Derek, you've talked to them a lot, I mean with John…and you don't usually, patients are not normally friends, but you've …"

"I can't explain it to you, it's just happened, they are a very nice couple, we've talked, have good rapport. They are very grateful that their child is going to recuperate fully, and with him on the Board. I've told you he's offered to help with our house, and I don't see anything wrong with that, we discussed it, in terms of a conflict of interest, but we're not getting anything for free, so it should be fine, but it will help the timeframe."

"Our house…" she said.

"Our house…we can think about it, when we get back."

"We can talk about it you know… I'm not disagreeing with you on the need to build a house, not anymore…I want that for us, Derek…our home, our memories together."

"You do…"

"I do…"

"Well then…we can talk about it, and when we get back see the architect again, or get a new architect, I don't care…it's our house…whatever you want …that's what I want."

"You said they offered you their place…how did they know we were coming?"

"I was on the phone to Kathleen about the hotel in Venice, and Colleen was walking down the hall and heard me, so we started talking and then later John offered for us to stay at their villa."

"We can't do that…Derek, it seems it wouldn't be right…their villa, that's private and we hardly know them."

"Actually, it looks more like an Italian palace, he insisted that I look at it. He sent me some photos and they wanted to do this for us, but I told him we could not accept. I really felt that could be misconstrued as a conflict later when contracts, both yours and mine, need to be negotiated."

"I think you made the right decision."

"Well, they insisted that we at least accept a dinner there, they've staff there all the time.

I have to get back to him. I did however, accept his recommendation for a couple of places to visit."

"And you're not going to tell me…"

"No, I'm not."

"Don't get used to me accepting all these secrets you know…"

"Aren't you enjoying it just a little," he asked.

"I think you really want me to enjoy your surprises, so I'm going along with it…to make you happy."

"Thank you…that means a lot to me, that you're trusting me."

"I admit…I'm enjoying it…just a little," she teased.

"What were you and Colleen talking about, before we left the other night, you were a bit emotional about it. You seem to get along with her well."

"I think it has to do with Kelly…her dream about Brianna, and she's so easy to talk to, and she guessed, she knew about our baby…almost as though we were supposed to meet them, you know…to help us…help us deal with our loss."

"What did she say to you?"

"That…she knew, one day she'd be knitting a baby blanket for me…a blue baby blanket."

"You ok," he asked.

"I told her I thought she was right…that it would be blue," she said and squeezed the hand in hers.

"Fate, my Mom would say, has a way of taking care of many things."

"Uhmm…she may be right," Meredith agreed.

"What did you talk about with her, you said she made you cry."

"Kathleen told us Derek, I'd be like this for weeks…and that's part of it, but she's been so sweet and caring, and I'm not used to that."

"She's not too bad," he admitted.

"She's been wonderful," she said wistfully.

"Hey…what are you thinking that's made you sad?"

"Do you think, I mean…she doesn't know me, that Nancy can change her mind, about me?"

"No."

"Derek…"

"Meredith, Kathleen loves you, I love you…Mom's affection is genuine, believe me, you can take it at face value."

"Really?"

"Yes, really. Stop doubting, I know her."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I did something…I hope you won't mind…I just wanted to do something nice for you…"

"How can I mind that you'd do something nice for me?"

"Maybe you won't think it's a nice thing…I probably should have asked you first, but I wasn't sure, and if she didn't agree it wouldn't matter anyway, but I did…I asked her…and she said yes, and I hope you won't be mad, because I think…I think, but I don't know, since you and…"

He silenced her with a gentle kiss. "What did you do?"

"I need to do something for you…I haven't…and you've done so much, and all this planning… I need, I have to show you how much it all means to me…how much…I want you to know how very much I love you."

"I know you love me…but now, I'm getting scared," he teased, "tell me."

"I asked your mother if she would come visit us after we got back from our trip even thought I didn't know where we were going I still asked her and I hope you don't mind but I want to meet her and I think you want to see her…"

He was speechless.

"Oh, God…you hate the idea," she said.

"No…no…I'm…speechless," he said but obviously moved by what she did, "did you pause at all to tell me that?"

"No…I had to get it all out, are you mad? Do you mind, you and Kathleen…you're always saying she's so strict, and I should be scared to meet her, but I'm not, I'm selfish in a way…but I could have waited to meet her and I don't want to wait, but most of all Derek, most of all I wanted to do this for you."

He took a deep breath and she saw him swallow before he spoke, "there is nothing, nothing you could have done that would have meant more to me…that means more to me than you asking her to visit."

"Really…" she asked hesitantly.

"Really," he said, not having let go of her hand and leaned over to kiss her.

"She said she'd come…I told her she could tell you…"

"She hasn't…not even when she replied to my email."

"She said, I should tell you…that it was something I should tell you…"

"She was right, I'm glad you did, glad that I heard it from you."

"We're making progress Derek, don't you think?"

"By leaps and bounds…"

"We are…and when we get back…Derek, I already changed my date with Dr.Wyatt, but…she may want to see you."

"I told you I would…that I'd support you…every step of the way."

"You realize…it may be a bit of a roller coaster ride…one step forward…and then things happen, cause there's still lots of things Derek, things I need to talk to her about growing up…as a kid, lots of things that got me to dark and twisty…"

"Whatever it is…we'll work through it together…and I know, we may take a step forward…and then couple of steps back…but, we'll get back on track, I have no doubts that we're going to do this together."

"Derek…I believe that too…just remember our promise…not to let the other pull away."

"We won't…we'll hold each other to that…and when one forgets…"

"The other one will be there to remember," she said, and rested her head on his shoulder and closed her eyes, and fell asleep to tender words he whispered in her ear.

The captain was at the cockpit door and wished them his congratulations again as they exited the aircraft, and they made their way down jet way, Derek insisted that he carry her bag as well, and she let him, enjoying all the small ways he took care of her.

They checked in at the airline's lounge and left their bags, after he secured the ring in his pocket, and went for a walk around the airport; they had almost three hours before their flight, and grabbed a quick snack. He had a yogurt and some fruit he insisted she eat well. She had a strawberry ice cream, and then went to wait for their flight in the comfort of the lounge.

"Come on," he said, "we have some calls to make," and led her to the privacy of a small enclosed room a bit bigger than the old phone boots, with a chair and a desk top, specifically designed for that purpose, affording the other passengers the privacy and quiet desired without the endless chatter of cell phone conversations.

"What calls?"

"First, your blackberry, I forgot to talk to you about it before."

"What about it?"

"We need to call your carrier and tell them to connect the global plan, so it will be activated when we get to Italy, mine is activated, but imagine you'll want access to yours."

"I hadn't thought of that, what do I need to do?"

"Just call them, it's done while you're on the phone, and they will probably ask you for a year's contract commitment."

"I don't need that," Meredith said logically.

"No, but you'll want it this week, trust me, it's worth it," he told her.

"They probably rip you off Derek, and charge me an arm and a leg for the service."

"No they won't, and I'll take care of it…"

"You can't pay for my …my phone service," she argued.

"I can, but we don't argue about it, so just do it, it's 20 a month."

"Oh, that's not bad," she agreed, "couple hundred dollars a year to let them know we're engaged…are you crazy, I can use yours."

"Just do it, you know you're going to want to be in touch."

"My world famous neurosurgeon…and his global connections," she teased.

"You tease and mock me…but it will come in handy," he retorted.

"I like to tease you," she said and leaned in to kiss him, and given the privacy the small room afforded they gave in to the kiss and savored it as long as they could, and had it not been for the fact they would have to stop, it would have ended a very different and satisfied encounter.

They made the call, and then he dialed another number.

"Mom, it's Derek."

"Derek, I know my son," she joked.

"Even after all that time you haven't seen him," he joked back.

"Don't play games with me Derek Christopher, where are you and why are you calling, shouldn't you be on your way to your destination?"

"We're in New York."

"You're in New York, Derek, and you didn't tell me I could have made arrangements to come and see you."

"Mom, we're at Kennedy it would not have been ideal, and I prefer that when we see you, we have more time to spend together. But, I do have some news I wanted to talk to you about."

"News…is something wrong, is Meredith ok, honey I'm so worried about her, about both of you."

"She's fine Mom, we both are…we are…she's here with me, and she told me she spoke with you, asked you to come to Seattle, and that you agreed."

"She did, and I agreed," she paused, "but, sweetheart, it's up to you…I can wait…I don't want to intrude."

"We don't want you to wait. Mom, I don't want you to wait, it's been too long since I've seen you," he paused and listened to her, "I'm glad she called you and that you want to visit. I love you Mom, I love you both."

"I love you too Derek, and I can't wait to see you and to meet Meredith, and Derek, I'm always ready to come see my children wherever they are. I'm a phone call away, even if you're half way across the world, I'm always ready, valid passport in hand…there's too many of you kids that travel…so I'm always ready any time, any of you may need me."

"Mom, when have you ever needed a passport to meet up with one of your kids," he joked.

"Listen smart aleck, just because you don't keep up with our news, doesn't mean things don't happen."

"What are you talking about?"

"Last year, when your brother in law broke his leg skiing in Europe, and I had to fly to stay with the kids and then bring them back here, so they could start school on time in January."

"I didn't know that, Kathleen didn't tell me."

"Well, I'm sure there's lots of things she didn't tell you…that will have to be up to me…to fill you in when I see you."

"Mom," he said quietly, "I've missed you and I can't wait to see you…"

"I've missed you too Derek. Now, tell me where are you going? You're at Kennedy, surely she knows where you're connecting to by now," Mrs. Shepherd told him.

"Here, talk to Meredith."

"Hi Mrs. S," she said accepting the phone from Derek.

"Hi dear, did he tell you yet? Where you're going?"

"He did…" she said and leaned in to him, letting him hold her, feeling his kiss on the top of her head, "we're going to Venice."

"Venice…oh, Meredith that is so romantic…I'm so happy, so happy he's doing this, making this a special trip for you, for both of you."

"It is…he is…making this very special," she said and they continued talking for a few minutes. "Yes, I promise I will let you know, as soon as I have the ring on my finger.

I'll tell him, and thank you," she said before disconnecting.

"What did she say?"

"That we would be in her prayers and to have a safe trip."

"You're ok…really ok…with her visiting?"

"I'm fine…good…really, with her visiting," she smiled, "just get ready for the nerves the night before her arrival."

"We can handle that…" he laughed and pulled her close to him, and then they walked out together.

Time went by quickly as they waited for the time to board their flight, especially the minute Meredith sent, first, an email and then a text to the long list of people that were waiting to hear where they were going and when he proposed, and everyone had a comment to make, at which she and Derek laughed while answering each of them.

_We're in New York…waiting for a flight to Venice!! You all found out at exactly the same time. Will let you know when I have my ring, LOL, love Meredith._

-NYC on way to Venice. Will let u know about ring.

After the exchange of messages she called Kathleen and they both spoke to her, Meredith spending longer on the phone, and thanking her for all she'd done to help Derek, and told her about Mrs. Shepherd coming to visit, leaving Kathleen a bit shocked but delighted Meredith had taken that first step.

He got their bags and they walked toward the boarding gate and as business class began to board he placed his hand in the small of her back and told her it was time to board.

"They're boarding business class first," she said.

"We're flying business class."

"What, why?"

"Let's go," he said, "you can ask questions later," and she did as soon as they were settled in their seats and the bags put away.

"Derek, this is crazy, this is thousands of dollars," she told him.

"Yes."

"Derek, we don't need to fly business…"

"Meredith, you do realize how much money I make…" he teased her, slightly raising an eyebrow.

"Yes…but…I'm not expecting you to spend thousands of dollars on a trip Derek, I'm not…I mean, I don't fly business class, well, I haven't flown lately really, but last time I went to Europe I didn't…"

"Meredith…I haven't flown anything but business or first class on a long trip in a very long time," he said simply.

"Snob," she countered.

"Snob…" he repeated, "you think I'm a snob?"

"No," she said honestly, "just, this is a lot of money Derek."

"And I make enough that I don't have to worry about it. It's a convenience or luxury if you will, that I can afford, and work very hard so I can travel in comfort if I want."

"I just don't want you to think that I expect this," she said.

"You should, because we're going to be traveling together a lot more and unless you're talking about a two or three hour flight, we'll travel in business or first class."

"It seems…I don't know, that it's …I can't afford it on my salary, but I know my mom always did, but we didn't travel together much, but when we did, she always flew first class."

"She was a world renowned surgeon Meredith, traveling all over the world, that's the expectation, and one day…so will you…you're as good as she was…I know that."

"You really think so…that I can be good, a good surgeon like she was?"

"You are going to be better, I've told you…because you have the heart and compassion she forgot about," he said bluntly.

"Derek, she was my mother…"

"I know…and I hate how she treated you," he said.

"There's things you don't know."

"Then tell me."

"Not now, not here…but I will," she said, and he detected the sadness in her voice.

"I'm sorry, it was not intention to bring something up that hurts you," he said.

"I know…and we can talk about it, we will…at some point."

The announcements for boarding were still being made, and they were given an option of champagne, orange juice or a mimosa before take off, and they both settled for champagne.

"Cheers, Mrs. Shepherd," he said, changing the subject and he got her to smile.

"Cheers, Mr. Shepherd," she said as their glasses touched "I'm looking forward to our honeymoon."

"So am I, love, so am I…" he smiled back, and they continued the light and flirtatious banter until it was time to leave the gate, and again, as they approached the runway, ready for take off she reached for his hand and smiled, "I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he smiled and leaned in to kiss her softly.

They'd reached their cruising altitude and he got up to reach for two books, "do you want anything out of your bag? I think you had a book," he said.

"No…it's been a long day. I may sleep a bit or watch a movie, and sleep the rest of the way, this flight is almost ten hours."

"You should get some sleep. We get in around eleven and the best way to try to fight off jet-lag is to adapt to the local time, otherwise, if we get in to sleep we'll feel even worse."

"You're right about that, but we're going to be exhausted come night fall."

"I can't think of anything I'd like more than to turn in early, and fall asleep with you in my arms," he told her, and she responded by resting her head on his shoulder.

"You bought a book on Italy," she said looking at one of the two he'd placed on the arm rest, "did you look at it?"

"I did…that's how I was certain where I wanted to go to next, well, not the location but the hotel where we're staying."

"So, if I guess which one it is, will you tell me?"

"It's a possibility," he told her, and they continued their conversation throughout the first couple of hours of their flight until dinner had been served, while both settled in for the long flight and the comfort of fully reclining leather seats that provided lumbar support as well as the foot rests that allowed for them to sleep for long hours if desired.

She yawned a few times, and decided to try to get some sleep and settled the blanket around herself. "You're right, you know."

"Aren't I always," he joked.

"No…but you were, about flying business…it makes a big difference," she said, "especially since I walked through the coach cabin and I'd much rather have this, than sit in the back with very little leg room."

"I thought you might feel that way," he teased her.

"Derek, we need to talk about some things," she said a bit serious.

"Like what?"

"I know you have no issues with money, but I live on my salary."

"I know that, Meredith, but we're going to be living together, well building a house together first, and it isn't something you have to worry about."

"I'm not a freeloader Derek," she said simply.

"One day, you're going to be my wife, whatever I have is ours."

"But…it's not right, I mean right now, it's not that I need money, I have my mother's inheritance, the house is paid for as well."

"What are you really saying?"

"I don't know…I've never done this before, thinking of getting married…and what do you do with expenses and all of that, you're building a house, and I know it's your house…but there's kids…and I'm thinking my Mom's inheritance, it will go to them, but the rest Derek…I just don't make that kind of money, and it should be…things should be equal."

"First things first," he said and leaned over to kiss her. "Now, we are not going to worry about who has what, the fact is what I have, what I make, will be ours…and one day…it will belong to our kids, but meanwhile, and Meredith I do plan to be around for a long time…we're going to enjoy our money…what it can afford us…our house…a trip…what our children will need…and you don't have to worry about it."

"But, Derek…I make less than 50,000 dollars a year…you make two million."

"Are you saying you considered that before marrying me," he teased her.

"Of course not…you…"

"I know that…and I'm not worried about it, so please…let me spend it, I'm not careless…we can put money away now, if you want for our kids college education and there will be plenty left over, but it's all ours…that's all…and one day, you'll be making what I'm making…I'm certain of it."

"I could sell the house, Derek, my Mom's house and we could use that for the new house."

"You'll keep that house…and one day…when we need to deal with it, you can decide what you want to do."

"If it's ours, like you say…shouldn't we decide what to do?"

"Yes, when the time is right…we'll decide what to do, ok?"

"Ok."

"How about you get some sleep," he said and kissed her softly.

"Are you?"

"I'm going to watch this movie," he said setting up the individual video screen on his seat, "and then sleep a few hours."

"Kiss me good night Derek," she whispered, and as the lights in the cabin were off, he leaned over and kissed her softly at first then smiled when she deepened their kiss and sighed in contentment as she closed her eyes, and reached for his hand to hold.

"You're smiling," he said softly.

"Uh huh…"

"Why?"

She giggled, before telling him, "I can't believe you told me not to worry if I forgot to pack anything, that I could just go shopping when we got to our destination."

"You find that funny…" he asked.

"We're going to Italy, Derek…to Venice…do you have any idea how expensive Italian designer's clothes can be…" she said and laughed softly.

"I have a very good idea," he told her, "and it isn't a problem."

"That's true, I suppose," she said, and then grinned at him, "you had your share of paying for the wicked wicked witch's wardrobe," and he looked at her and cracked up, "all that flying in the broomstick had to be murder on wear and tear."

"Uhmmm, " he said amused and pleased she could joke about Addison, "I guess that is one part of the fairy tale that's not changing."

"Not on your life…the kids are going to find out about Addison some day, and they may as well get the story straight…about her flying in on her broom from New York to Seattle," she finished, and by the end of the sentence they were both laughing again.

"Derek…"

"I thought you were going to sleep," he said.

"I can still sleep another seven hours," she reasoned.

"What are you thinking about?"

"On the way back…do we also fly back through New York?"

"Uh huh…"

"I was thinking…maybe…if you want…we can stop for a day and see your mother & Kathleen…and I can meet your sisters, well not Nancy, I've already met Nancy, but if you want…we could…and get our engagement off on the right foot with your family."

"You'd do that…you'd want for us to stop in New York and meet my sisters…"

"If you want…I would…for you," she said and met his gaze unwavering.

"That's the nicest thing that you could do…other than inviting Mom, thank you…and I'll think about it…we can talk about it again…the next few days, we don't have to decide now, we can play it by ear," he said and leaned over to her and murmured against her lips, "thank you."

"I love you," she said.

"Thank God…" he said, "you've forgiven me I think…"

"I have…as I hope you have."

"I love you Meredith…the past…all of that…all those things that hurt us, we can put them behind, learn from it, but now, it's just our future together, the rest of our lives…our commitment…to nurture our relationship, and love each other."

"Derek, do you remember the rest of the story, what Esme said about…animals."

"Vaguely…bulls and otters…sea otters," he said.

"Yes," she smiled.

"Wait, are you telling me instead of a horse's ass…and then a panther…I'm now being compared to an otter," he asked with an amused grin.

She giggled quietly, "you'd never live that down," she said.

"You are probably right…McDreamy to McAss…to McOtter," he joked.

"I was going to tell you…if you had not interrupted…that after she told me that story, there was this really adorable video on You Tube, where they had otters floating on their backs holding hands, and I was going to send it to you…it was so cute and adorable, these little creatures…how they bond."

"Why didn't you?"

"Well, we kind of …you know, things weren't great between us."

"Uhmmm…" he said and remained quiet.

"I'll find it and send it…"

"Ok," he said and his tone right away manifested some of his regrets.

"Derek," she said, and turned on her side to face him, and brought her hand to his face, "I like the stubble," she commented first, "our time…our past together, it has a little of everything…and we're ok…right now we are moving forward…but we can't hide from the past…those sad and painful memories are part of who we are today."

"I know…you're right, it still makes me wish I would have done things different."

"We're doing thins different now, that's what's important, Derek, we're making progress."

"That's what's important," he said and kissed her, "progress in leaps and bounds."

"The point of the story, Derek," she told him in a school teacher like voice.

"Ah…bossy's back," he joked.

"Otters…they mate for life…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I wanted…one day, I was looking for a gift for you…"

"You were?"

"Yes…I was…I wanted something special…"

"And you thought of otters…" he smiled.

"It's the symbolism Derek…keep up…and I didn't get it, so you don't get to make fun."

"Meredith, I'm not making fun…I'm enjoying this conversation…knowing what your thoughts were…are…it's priceless to me."

"Well, it made me laugh, because there was this painting, and etching I guess, with these two otters, and it reminded me of us…the description did."

"Are you going to leave it there?"

"No…it said something like they were gregarious, constantly at play…and they have mock fights," not that we have those, " but what really caught my attention, what I did not forget was that it said that even in repose they seem to want to touch one another."

"Ah…" he said, as he reached for her hand, "I believe that was appropriate…because I never want to stop touching you."

"I told you there was a reason for the story," she smiled, "if you hadn't pounced all over it to laugh and interrupt me," she smiled back at him and they were lost in each other's gaze and their smiles were filled with love.

"Speaking of leaps and bounds, and pouncing…" he said.

"I didn't say that…"

"Hours ago," he joked.

"Yes…" she turned her face slightly, questioning him while smiling, a secret smile.

"You realize there is really no such thing as a black panther," he said, teasingly, taunting a bit

"Uh huh…" she replied.

"Well…that's what you called me…"

"I did…but I knew, that panthers …there's a variety of animals, four actually all referred to as panthers…lions, tigers, jaguars, leopards…but black panther sounded right…don't you think…I mean it encompasses all of them…and "what is it they say…variety is the spice of life."

He could not help but roar laughing, and she placed a hand over his mouth, "they're going to throw us out of this cabin," she said, her eyes dancing with humor, "uhmmm they do that too…you know," she said referring to his laugher, "they roar."

"You're determined to tease the caged best," he said inches away from her mouth, while he pushed the light button off, leaving them in darkness.

"I'm thinking I can tame the beast," she smiled and felt his breath on her lips.

"You sure you want to," he whispered, his voice low and seductive.

"Not on your life," she murmured feeing his lips upon hers, before he ravished her lips and with that kiss both gave in to the pleasure, if only briefly, of expressing their passion.


	131. Chapter 131

**Ch 129 – Bridge of Legends**

Meredith he believed had slept soundly throughout the flight, but he hadn't. In fact on a couple of occasions, he thought and smiled at his analogy, the light snoring, like a symphony movement in crescendo, had awakened him and before it become as loud as at home, he had leaned over to kiss her, effectively breaking her rhythm and she'd continue sleeping and then he'd hear the pitch and familiar snoring begin again. The sound he'd learned to be thankful for since her near drowning experience.

Those were his thoughts after he returned to his seat and loosely buckling his seatbelt turned on his side and watched her sleep. He'd done that intermittently during the night, watched her while dark images flashed through his mind keeping him from sleep. Thoughts that in spite of the optimism of this trip nagged at him and scared him, because suddenly in the silence of this night, the last three weeks caught up with him and he acknowledged that he was afraid, scared as hell of this fear.

Careful not to wake her, he'd raised the window shade and marveled at the sight before.

Whenever he'd flown this particular route, the beauty of creation never failed to amaze him, and he became one with the universe as millions of stars shone brightly against the backdrop of the pitch black sky and somehow believed in the magic of the night, in the promise of the brightly shining stars that appeared to fill every inch of space, determined to illuminate the sky for all who dared to hope and dream. But, it also filled him deep melancholy while he immersed himself in the doubts of a painful past as he took the end of the blanket and raised it higher to cover her.

Dad, he thought, and began his conversation, I wonder if you're there somewhere, amidst those millions of stars. You know, I don't feel very bright right now, and I bet you thought I forgot about you, but I never have and I miss having you around, I've missed having you…especially lately, I wish I had you to talk to, though I don't think you'd be very be very proud of me right now. I don't think you'd be proud of me at all, for a long time…I knew I had let you down, and I'm sorry…I knew better…with Addie and then with Mom, just walking away…but, it's better now, with Mom and the girls, and Kat, you'd be so proud of her, I am. I hope you know how much she helped coming to visit, she still talks to you, as though you aren't gone, I know she believes you're listening, he continued to talk to his father, unable to talk to anyone else and praying he indeed was listening.

She shifted slightly toward him, on her side as was her habit to reach for him when they slept, or if he was spooning her she'd reach for his hand and hold it close, and it made him smile briefly.

Then there's Meredith, I let her down worst of all…I lied to her…that's how we met…but I think you may know that, and that I acted like a cocky ass. But now, my heart is breaking watching her sleep, and praying Dad, yeah…I've done that lot lately, I bet you thought I forgot, I bet God thought I forgot too, but for her…I'd do anything for her and I'm scared…that I may lose her again. I know I wasn't honorable…the way Mom expected of me, she raised me to be honorable and I failed. But most of all, I'm ashamed of the way I treated Meredith and of all the times I failed her. I'm scared that I may not be enough again, that when things get rough I may lose her. Maybe not physically, I don't think …I'm sure she didn't want to die that day…but I wasn't there for her after that, I was a coward Dad instead of facing the situation, I walked away from it, just like I've done before and I don't understand why…she's being so brave going to therapy, and I have to do the same…to understand why I've acted like I have, so I don't lose her, because I can't imagine my life without her…I don't want to live my life without her, and there's so much I have to keep inside, so many fears and doubts and yeah…she calls me brainless, well so does Kat, but so many insecurities…and I don't want to worry her or upset her…but…there's so much we need to talk about, he continued with his silent conversation and closed his eyes, and emotion took over and he couldn't avoid small successive intakes of breath and he felt a tear escape the corner of his eye, and then a gentle touch kiss it away.

"Derek…" she whispered softly, as though she could read his mind, "I'm scared too."

"You're scared…what's wrong, are you unwell…please tell me," he urged.

"It's you I'm worried about."

"I'm fine. But, you why are you scared, what's wrong?"

"I can feel your emotions too, I woke up and I've been watching you, the last few minutes and I felt your grief…which you keep very tightly sealed."

"I'm fine."

"You eyes don't lie to me…and I know…"

"Meredith, I'm fine."

"I know you are…just like I've been fine for so long."

"It's not the same."

"It is the same…but we don't have to face our fears alone anymore."

"I'm fine," he insisted.

"Uh huh," she said and turned completely on her side to face him.

"You don't believe me?"

"No…you were having some very serious thoughts there, and you always help me, why won't you let me help you," she said as she placed her hand on top of his and squeezed it lovingly.

He took a deep breath and swallowed past the lump in his throat. "Do you see the stars," he asked.

"Yes, it's beautiful, you feel like you are such a tiny insignificant part of the universe, like we're suspended in air…yet, at the same time that we are meant to be here, destined to be here together, part of a bigger picture…it's quite spectacular."

"I was talking to my dad," he said simply, and felt her hand caress his slightly.

"It's a powerful emotion isn't it…" she said, "liberating somewhat, don't you think?"

"Somewhat," he agreed.

"You heard me talk to my Mom, do you want to share your conversation?"

"I hadn't talked to him in a long time."

"I'm sure he was very happy, to talk to his son," she said getting emotional.

"You think he heard me, listened to my conversation?"

"I'm sure of it…what do you think?"

"I hope so…I pray he did."

"Will it help to talk about it," she asked him, and brought her lips to his.

"I told him I hoped he was listening… that I have not been a very honorable man," he said with a far away look, "and that I was going to try to make him proud of me."

"Oh, Derek," she said, and he heard the quiet whimper and then felt her hands on his face, as she leaned in to kiss him, "he would be so proud of you."

"I've failed," he said his voice broken and his lip quivered, "so many times."

"I'm proud of you," she told him, forcing him to look at her, "I am so proud of you."

This time, in the darkness that surrounded them, with only the reflection of millions of stars to witness, he allowed her to comfort him as she brought his face to rest gently on her chest, and kissed the top of his head, and continued to whisper endearments until she sensed he'd fallen asleep as she began to understand the immensity of the efforts he had made the last three weeks, the immensity of the sorrow and doubts and of a burden that had for too long been a part of his life; issues laid dormant as hers, and now it was up to her to comfort and support him, and love him unconditionally as he has been loving her.

They slept for over three hours in each other's arms in spite the discomfort of the seats between them, but neither wanted to let go of the other. Neither would have guessed that unexpectedly, by the end of the day, they would have to face their greatest fear, the fear of losing the other. But this time, when one faltered the other would be there, ready to pick up the pieces, determined that they would never face their fears alone again.

She came awake slowly and met his gaze. "You're watching me sleep again," she smiled.

"I am…I can never get tired of it," he said with a hint of melancholy, and kissed her softly.

"You brushed your teeth," she teased.

"I'm not the one that doesn't want to be kissed …" he smiled, "and has conditions."

"Derek…" she said softly, while caressing his face, feeling his stubble, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong," he said giving her a smile she recognized as avoidance, "they're going to serve breakfast soon, and I went to freshen up."

"Your eyes don't lie…please…we said…we'd be honest."

"I love you Meredith, that's all."

"Loving me…" she insisted, "makes you that sad."

"Loving you, makes me appreciate how lucky I am that you're in my life."

"Derek…"

"Don't make more of it than it is," he said and kissed her.

"We're going to have to talk about it…soon…we can't push it aside anymore."

"What…what are you talking about?"

"The day I drowned," she faced head on.

"Meredith," he paused, and before he was able to say anything else, she did.

"You watch me…and so often, like now, that's what you're thinking," she stated without giving him a chance to deny it, "we are going to have to talk about it."

"You haven't…you haven't wanted to."

"You never asked," she stated simply.

"That's …that's not fair," he said, and though he accepted it was true, it still felt like a slap in the face, and that she was blaming him.

"I'm not blaming you," she said softly, "Derek, I'm not blaming you, but now, we're going to have to talk about this soon. We're going to build a life together, and there's a lot…both of us are going to have to share with the other."

"Is there ever a time I do anything right," he said quietly, after he had turned away from her and he was now reclining against the seat, "is there ever a time you feel I have not failed you," he finished as though he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"You…" she said enunciating each word precisely, "are very lucky we are not alone right now, because if we were…I swear I would smack that stupid head of yours, hoping the brain would begin to function."

It got his attention, "you…all you can think, is that you'd smack me?"

"Yes, you stupid brainless man…and you're also damn lucky I love you."

"You love me, but want to smack me," he said following her lead, as it did not seem she was angry with him nor that she blamed him, and he had allowed himself to wallow in the dark mood all on his own.

"Derek," she said and leaned over to kiss him, "you haven't failed me…we've been working to make this relationship work…talking has been and needs to be part of it, ok?"

"When did you become so wise?"

"I've always been wise…just didn't have any reason to deal with so many things…that now, I want us to deal with them and put them behind us, learn to move on. Now I want to be whole and heal…so we can have a healthy relationship."

"All that out of one therapy session," he commented.

"All of that, after accepting that there's nothing in my life more important than us."

"Meredith, there is nothing more important to me than you…us building our relationship, our future together."

"Then we're on the same page, aren't we?"

"I hope so," he told her honestly, though she could see his doubts remained.

"I know so," she said and started to get up, "I'll be right back, I have to go to the bathroom."

Walking back she could see his face, he was lost in thought and she didn't like the more than certain doubts that were going through his mind. She squeezed in next to him and hugged him, "how bad is it?"

"It was a nine," he said, choosing not to deny his feelings.

"That bad…on our way to our honeymoon," she joked with him. "Uhmmm, that doesn't sound very good."

"It's about a five now…after we talked."

"That's good…very good, I'm going to have to do something about that," she said, but he heard the slight uncertainty in her voice, it seemed they were in perfect sync with the other's feelings.

"What's wrong Meredith?"

"I wanted to hug you," she said, just as the flight attendant approached them.

"Good morning, Mr. Shepherd, Ms. Grey, we're going to serve breakfast in about fifteen minutes, would you like anything to drink now?"

"Some water please," Meredith told her.

"Mr. Shepherd, what about you, you haven't had much all evening," the flight attendant asked, and Meredith decided to bring a little fun into the conversation and a damper for the woman.

"He'll have water too," she said and snuggled closer to him, and knew he was smiling, "he's a little shy, especially with me sitting here like this, but we're on our honeymoon and we left home so many hours ago."

"Congratulations, Venice is a very romantic city."

"Yes, and as quiet as he is…he's been planning this forever and he never fails to surprise me," she said saucily and kissing him lightly before she got up and took her seat.

"I love jealous Meredith," he laughed quietly, "very hot."

"That was fun," she giggled, "even if she looked like she wanted to send us to the back of the airplane."

"Not sure if fun is exactly the word I would use," he teased, "for you practically on my lap, kissing me after we left home so many hours ago."

"You know what I mean," she said, and again he heard doubt in her voice.

"Meredith, you never answered me, what's wrong?"

She couldn't very well ask him to be honest and keep things to herself, and she told him. "I thought…I'd hoped …the spotting would be completely gone by now, it's not, there's still a little…"

"That's not a problem…you know, we've talked about this…we are not in any rush."

"I miss you Derek," she said reaching out for his hand, "I'm sorry."

"Hey, we'll have plenty of time…no regrets, over anything, ok…" he smiled, that McDreamy look she loved so much, their look, and he kissed her.

"No more sad thoughts," she said, "ok…once we land, we just enjoy our trip…and we have to keep each other in line…remember…fun…sexy steps…together…deal?"

"Deal," he smiled.

"Derek, what we've done tonight, I mean the last few hours, I feel like crabs."

"Crabs," he said and looked at her, surprised, "we've talked about otters, horses, bulls, panthers and all their varieties…and now…crabs," he laughed out loud.

"Derek, be quiet, they really are going to kick us out of this cabin," she smiled.

"Oh, I wouldn't worry about that, they didn't while you were snoring away."

"I was not," she said defensively.

"Oh but you were…" he challenged.

"Jerk," she looked at him and swatted his arm, "how embarrassing, why didn't you wake me, instead of…"

"I didn't have to, I kissed you instead and you stopped."

"I stopped…snoring."

"At least twice."

"You did…" she said, softer now.

"Yes, which doesn't say much for the effect of my kisses,"

"Derek, I know you did, both times…I felt your kisses, and felt safe to go back to sleep."

"Well, not go back to sleep necessarily, just a break in that symphony of yours, before it reached its final crescendo again," he joked.

"I'll remind you of that…" she teased him, "stopping the rhythm shall we say…of those crescendos," and brought her lips to his and giggled.

They brought them breakfast, and they continued their now lighter conversation.

"Mrs. Shepherd," the flight attendant said and Meredith did not react, "would you like juice?"

"She'll have orange juice, so will I, thank you,"

"What," Meredith said absentmindedly, "I'm sorry, did you say something," while she continued to eat her entire breakfast.

"It's ok, honey," he said mocking her, "I know you've been a little…distracted, with the wedding and all, she hasn't gotten used to the new name."

"Oh don't worry, I know what that is like, my sister was just like that a few months ago."

"Did I miss something," Meredith asked when the flight attendant walked away, "and why was she flirting with you again?"

"Yes, you failed to answer to Mrs. Shepherd," he laughed, "and no, she wasn't flirting."

"She must think…I'm as brainless as you," she quipped.

"Meredith, I don't really think she believes I'm brainless…in fact…"

"Derek, I would not try to make me jealous…"

"I thought you didn't get jealous…" he teased.

"No, that was you…I get jealous…"

"So do I Meredith…" he smiled.

"She better not have been flirting," she played along with him, glad his mood was much lighter.

"Doesn't matter…she'd be wasting her time, besides she just thinks we're on our honeymoon," he winked, and they both laughed, and continued eating their breakfast.

"Derek, about the crabs…"

"We may have to make room for a zoo at the new house," he told her as he picked up a piece of pineapple with his fork and brought it to her mouth.

"We may be a little like crabs, you know," she said seriously, "and it's ok, we just have to remember that we can do things different than they do, we actually have options."

"Meredith, what are you talking about?"

"When I was at Dartmouth, one of my friends, she would always come up with the most off the wall sayings, and would have to translate them so I'd understand."

"Translate them why?"

"She was from Miami, but her family, her parents were born in Cuba and she had all these saying in Spanish that she would then translate. Her Mom would always send

food she couldn't get at college, and one time she sent this little crab magnet for the refrigerator and told her to stop acting like a crab and get her head together."

"Who is this friend?"

"You don't know her, we keep in touch via email, she's doing her residency at John Hopkins."

"The crab, Meredith…the point of the crab?"

"Oh, she'd been accepted at several top hospitals, and kept going back and forth making a decision and changing her mind, and then back to square one, so her mother sent the crab because she said she was taking one step forward and two steps back, and she'd better figure out what the hell she wanted before she ended up losing all the great opportunities she was being given. Finally, after the crab, she decided on John Hopkins and was able to concentrate on the rest of the school year and graduated summa cum laude."

"So…you're saying we're crabs?"

"Uh huh…don't you see…we keep making progress, and then we second guess each other ourselves, like you've been doing while we've been eating breakfast, and especially since they said we'll be landing in forty minutes."

"No, I have not."

"Of course you have, and you're going to tell me about it right now," she said.

"You really do take this bossy attitude seriously, don't you…Mrs. Shepherd?"

"It keeps you on your toes," she winked at him, "now, tell me, what's got you so worried?"

"I haven't been second guessing anything," he said defensively.

"Yes, you have," she told him, "are you going to eat your croissant?"

"No, it's too greasy," he said and she reached over and grabbed it.

"It's great, and still warm too," she said and opened the small container of strawberry preserves.

"You really have to start eating healthier," he said.

"Want a piece?" she offered.

"Thank you, no."

"Have you had long enough to make up a story, about what's got you all …"

He inhaled, "fine, if you must know…I'm not sure you'll like where we're staying."

"Derek, it's not a big deal, I'm sure it's fine," she tried to reassure him, but it had the opposite effect, once again making her aware of his insecurities.

"It's fine…and it's not a big deal," he repeated quietly, "is that what you think of this trip…that it's not a big deal, and it's not important to you, after I've spent I don't know how long planning for this and hoping everything will be perfect for you, and it's not a big deal…and Kathleen's been ready to kill me for making her keep looking and changing arrangements and it's not a big deal to you…then maybe we should just forget this and cancel everything and just turn around and go home, and I don't have to worry about whether you like the place or if you'll hate it, and it's nothing at all like what you'd like, and I tried to find something else, but you never know a four star hotel looks fine and when you get there it's no more than a dive…and I don't even know what you'd like, since we've never traveled together before…"

She leaned over and kissed him, deeply and silenced him completely.

"What…" he said, "why did you do that," he complained.

"You're complaining, that's a first, I really am losing my touch, and not even started on our honeymoon," she teased him, "that is really a shame."

"It's not funny," he said.

"Yes, it was…you rambled like the best of us…in fact, you put us to shame," she said holding his chin in her hand and bringing her mouth to his again.

"You said it wasn't important," he pouted.

"I just wanted you to know…whatever you'd done, will be perfect, that's all…"

"Well, it sounded like you don't care," he pouted.

"Do you believe that," she spoke softly, "seriously?"

"I don't know anything."

"You do know…" she murmured against his lips, "that I love you."

"I love you too."

"I know you do…and you also know that this trip, is very important to me, for the simple reason that you want to be with me…that you planned this for us, so whatever it is…whatever you've got planned, it will be perfect for me."

"What if you hate the place…I mean, it's not even my style."

"I'm not going to hate it, and Kathleen thought it was fine, so it will be fine."

"You don't know her, she loves this kind of hotel."

"Is it one of those porny places with round beds and mirrors on the ceiling?"

"What…Meredith, are you crazy?"

"Well, Derek…she does love…" she continued to tease him, to put him at ease.

"Ok…I do not want to hear about my sister's sex life…and when have you stayed at a place like that…" he said seriously.

"Shepherd," she smiled, "lighten up," and finally got him to laugh.

"You've been pulling my leg all along…about Kat…"

"I thought it was appropriate, under the circumstances…did you book us a dive…after flying here business class you downgraded the hotel," she teased, "ran out of money?"

"Let me know what you think when we get there…"

"What, you're not going to tell me, Derek we're almost there."

"I wouldn't want to disappoint you…or fail to meet your expectations…of round beds…and all…" he smiled, "you'll just have to wait and see."

"It's probably one of those fancy over the top hotels with brocade curtains and marble and gold leaf ceilings and Venetian glass chandeliers…"

She saw the expression on his face and knew it was exactly that kind of hotel he'd reserved for them, and he looked like he'd lost his best friend. "I'm sorry…but, Kathleen she said it would be fine, we tried to find something else not so formal, but there was nothing, Meredith, really they were all like that and I didn't want to take any chances and she thought it was best to go with a well known hotel," he said apologetically.

"Oh, Derek…I'm the one who's sorry…I shouldn't make light of it, and I know, in Venice it's going to be hard to get away from that, it's part of the charm this entire city with it's old splendor of days gone by…it's fine…I'm sure it's going to be perfect…"

"Next time, you're in charge, from now on in fact…you make all our travel arrangements, and I don't have to stress about it," he said.

"We can do that…but then, I'll be the one stressing over whether you will like it or not," she told him and they both laughed.

"We're only here for a couple of nights, it can't be too bad."

"Derek…it will be fine…and to clarify that…Meredith Derek fine, ok?"

He answered her with a kiss, and delighted in her giggle as their lips met.

"Derek…fair warning…your ramble…and fine…they are really contagious, and it just may come up again, you know in conversation…around Mark…or Kathleen…" she smiled.

"Meredith…fair warning…when I tell Kathleen what you thought her idea of an acceptable hotel would be," he winked.

"Oh, I think she'll see the humor in that, unlike he brother."

"So…you think I've no sense of humor…" he taunted.

"I did not say that."

"Coward."

"I love you Derek," she smiled.

He laughed, "diversion 101 taught by the best."

"The very best," she said.

"I love you too Meredith," he said and this time brought her hand to his lips.

"Very romantic," she said softly.

"Just you wait…" he smiled and kissed her lips.

"Derek…even if we're crabs…we're extraordinary crabs," she smiled and kissed him as they made the final approach for landing.

The arrival in Venice was without delays and after going through passport control made their way outside the terminal where Derek looked around and found a man with a sign, that said Mr. Shepherd.

"You arranged this in advance?" she asked.

"We've been traveling a long time, I didn't want to deal with having to wait for the next scheduled transport, so we have a private water taxi back to the hotel, the rest of the trip, we'll figure it out," he said as they followed the man who was now pushing the luggage cart with their belongings.

She leaned in to him as they made their way along the waterway to their destination, and he pulled her closer, his arm firmly around her waist, "thank you," she said almost in a whisper as she took in all the sites around her, the clear blue reflection of the water and the backdrop of architecture centuries old against the perfect blue of the sky with scattered white puffy clouds, the sun almost kissing the tips of the domed buildings.

"For what?"

"For making this so very special," she said, "this is beautiful Derek…the views of these islands are beautiful, it all looks so majestic, thank you."

"It is a beautiful place…the Queen of the Adriatic," he said, "we can get a full tour and history in the next couple of days."

"I am exhausted, all I want is a hot shower and a bed," she said.

"We can't…Meredith…we'll never get up, if we go to bed now, it's almost lunch time, and we can't be late."

"Derek, it's four in the morning back home, and what are we going to be late for?"

"He ignored her question. Yes, it is four in the morning, but we agreed, we wouldn't arrive and go to sleep, so we'd adapt to the local time."

"You agreed to that."

"Meredith."

"I'm kidding, I know…if we go to bed now, it will be that much harder to adapt to the time here…I know…and it's not like we would be doing anything other than sleep."

"You really do like to tease the caged…"

"Beast…uhmm…I'm counting on taming him a bit…" she laughed.

"That's not what you said…"

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm."

"For about ten seconds…" she laughed.

Their hotel was adjacent to St. Mark's Square and the water taxi motor pulled up in front, it's entrance separated by not many feet from the front door. Right away hotel staff walked to meet them and took care of their luggage.

"Here we are," Derek told her as held her hand and walked toward the door being held open for them, "Venice."

"Derek, we're right by St. Mark's…and we'll be able to walk from here…and there's…"

"Yes…"

"I'll wait…I'll wait…you can take me wherever you want…surprise me," she said giving in to the excitement of the moment, knowing without a doubt that he'd arrange for a trip to the Bridge of Sighs.

"Mr. Shepherd, Ms. Grey welcome to Hotel Danieli, we hope you will have a very pleasant stay," and Derek handed his credit card for check in and signed the necessary papers including providing his and Meredith's passport. "We will show you to your room right away, everything has been taken care of," the clerk said and smiled.

"Thank you, we're looking forward to our visit here."

"Derek, this is a very old hotel…this building used to be a palace," she said.

"Yes, I know, I've read it's history several times over trying to decide."

"It's perfect Derek, you're right, not what we'd pick at home, but it's so…so old Venice…and legends…Derek…legends are old…and we're here…and there's a legend, for lovers…which you know, so I'm rambling, but this is perfect and romantic…and that staircase…the marble and those arches…very gothic…and romantic…thank you."

"Did you just make all that up," he said as he held her hand and they chose to walk up the imposing marble staircase?"

"No…of course not, just because I have not stayed here doesn't mean I'm ignorant about these things."

He laughed, "you read the description on the brochure while I checked in didn't you?"

"Just the last part…about the marble and the gothic arches," she admitted, and they both laughed.

"The service will be exceptional, I mean even if it's not our style."

"Derek, it's Venice, you're proposing…sometime…we're here together, it's perfect."

"It is perfect, just being here with you," he said as they reached the door to their room and it was held open for them to enter and they were left alone after a few minutes of explaining where to locate everything they would need.

"Derek, look at the view…it's spectacular," she said and pulled him along toward the balcony and opened the floor to ceiling double glass doors and walked out, wrapping his arms around her and leaning back against him.

"It is rather spectacular," he agreed resting his chin on her shoulder and nuzzling her neck, "I didn't know what to expect, but the view of the lagoon couldn't be better."

"And you were worried…Kathleen was right…this is totally worth it," she told him.

"We should check out the room," he said kissing her neck.

"We should, though it doesn't matter…this will make up for anything you don't like."

"So, we could have rented a balcony," he joked.

"Let's see," she said walking back in the room and looking around, "it's nice Derek, I don't know why you stressed over it so much, it's huge."

"I wasn't sure I we'd get one of those gold and red brocade rooms that seemed to be so popular everywhere we looked."

"This is nice, I love that this sitting area with the balcony is totally separate from the bed," she said and turned around and walked in to his embrace, "it's lovely, and very Venetian, I could not have done better myself."

"You're stroking my ego," he laughed.

"I'm not, seriously, it's lovely."

They unpacked and she went to take a shower and wrapped herself in one of the hotel bathrobes and started to dry her hair when he walked in, "mind if I take a shower?"

"Are you asking because you think I have no self control," she said as he began to take off his clothes.

"Do you?"

"Are you…teasing the caged beast now?"

He roared with laughter, "not on your life," he told her, "it's freezing here, I don't want to risk a cold shower," and still laughing walked in the shower stall.

She saw his reflection in the mirror when he started to walk out of the stall and went up to him with a bathrobe, and then embraced him, "I love you Derek, and I miss you and we don't have to wait…"

"Meredith, you told me this morning…you're still…"

"I know…but Derek…some of your favorite things…have nothing to do…"

"Hey," he said kissing the top of her head, and holding her closer, "we could…and you obviously know I want you…but, I told you…it can't just be for me…we could…I agree…but Meredith, what I want, what I need is to be buried deep inside you and make love to you…not just have you satisfy my needs…I can wait…till making love will be about the pleasure we bring each other…and all of our favorite things…both of us…pleasuring each other…totally and completely."

"Oh…Derek…I miss you so much," she said part frustration and part loving him for wanting to wait, when she herself was becoming impatient.

"Just a couple of days…that's all…and then…"

"Two caged beasts…unleashed…"

"I wonder if I'll survive it," he teased her.

"I have no doubts…you'll more than rise to the occasion…over and over again," she said and kissed him softly.

"I may need a cold shower after all…" he told her, "come on, let's get dressed and get out of here."

"Oh…no…I don't want to…please, let me lay down just for a little while, please…"

"Meredith we'll waste a whole afternoon…"

"Derek, please, I'm tired," she said, and right away he gave in, thinking it may be more

related to the fact she'd had a miscarriage barely ten days ago and her body was still dealing with those physical effects rather than jet lag.

"Sure…we can do that…maybe a couple of hours."

"Thank you," she said and pulled him along and they turned down the covers and he lay down beside her holding her close.

She slept for more than a couple of hours, as he decided to let her rest, and once she was asleep he got dressed and went to make sure all his other arrangements had been handled properly and came back and laid next to her reading a book.

"Meredith," he whispered against her lips, "I need for you to wake up…we have to go."

"I'm tired…so tired…"

"I know, but I left you sleep longer, than I should have."

"What…you let me sleep longer…than what…"

"It's been four hours…we need to go out."

"Can't we stay here, I'll get up, but can't we just stay here?"

"No…we can't…I want to take you somewhere, you won't be sorry…you'll like this place."

She opened her eyes, "I'll like this place…" she said, "it's not just your way to get me out of bed?"

"You'll like this place…I'm pretty sure, plus we're only here a few days…and I want us to see as much as we can of Venice, it's a very romantic city, you know."

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"I think that any city…with you…is romantic."

"Ah…she's enjoying romance…"

"I always enjoy that Derek…I've always wanted that…from you."

"Well…get up then, get dressed so we can enjoy this city of romance…and legends…"

"And legends," she said fairly certain where they would be heading, "really…"

"Really…we've lots of things to discover," he told her.

"What should I wear?"

"Tonight, just like me…pair of jeans, sweater and your coat, maybe gloves for later."

"Ok, I'm ready," she said not long after that, "show me Venice."

"I love you."

"I love you too," she said and smiled and they got ready to walk out, "Derek, wait, we need the camera."

"I have it," he said and they walked out.

"Derek," she said as they walked down the stairs, "we're the most underdressed people here, look around, very formal."

"Meredith, all they care about is that we pay our bill."

"I supposed that's true," she laughed, and the walked out and headed toward the right, "where are we going?"

"A walk around St. Mark's maybe grab a quick bite, you must be starving it's almost five o'clock."

"I could eat something…" she told him as they walked toward the square, "I'm not overly fond of pigeons Derek, how can people just stant there waiting to pose with them."

"Part of the attraction of the square."

"Not for me, but, that Cathedral…it's amazing…the mosaics I'd like to see it, it's truly a museum."

"If my mother heard you, she'd tell you it's a place of worship."

"I know, Derek…but some of these churches, I remember when I was in Rome, at the Vatican, St. Peter's it's a museum more than a church."

"I agree…just don't get into that discussion with Mom," he warned.

"Are you going to feed me?"

"Yes…there's a little place on the square, we can go there."

"How do you know this?"

"I asked the concierge," he replied smugly, and they walked to a small restaurant frequented by locals that was self serve with a variety of homemade food.

"Meredith, you're not going to eat pizza," he said as she chose two slices and dessert.

"You can't be surprised Derek, it was right there in front of me, how can I resist," she said after grabbing a bottle of water. " What are you having?"

"A salad."

"You are so boring and predictable,"

"You say that now," he joked with the old familiar line.

"Taste mine will you," she said and brought her slice of pizza to his mouth.

"Not bad," he agreed, and she noticed he was looking as his watch.

"Are we in a hurry?"

"No, we just have to be somewhere at six fifteen."

"Where?"

"I thought you wanted to be surprised…during this trip."

"I do…" she said and began to fidget with her watch.

"Meredith…"

"I can be surprised…I can enjoy surprises."

"Meredith…you will…I hope."

"You're not sure…" she looked at him, and the fidgeting began again.

"You'll tell me later…ok…and if you don't like tonight's surprise, I'm sure you'll enjoy tomorrow's," he smiled and wasn't sure who was the more nervous of the two.

He paid the bill and they strolled through the square, and they heard the chimes of church bells at six o'clock, until he pulled her along towards a side street leading to one of the canals and walked to small dock where a gondola was waiting.

"Are you ready for a ride?"

"On a gondola," she said, "now?"

"If you'd like…"

"Derek…" she said already teary eyed, and he held her hand for balance as the gondolier reached for her other one and she stepped on to the gondola sat down and he followed, and put his arm around her and she reached for his hand.

"Why are you fidgety, I'm told he's a very competent gondolier," he said as they began to glide along a narrow canal and she looked up and recognized the legendary Bridge of Sighs.

"You're…we're …at sunset…we'll kiss under the bridge at sunset," she said looking at him with tears in her eyes.

"That's what I'm told," he said, and she noticed he was nervous, "and then we'll glide towards the sunset and reach the lagoon."

"You…you really planned this…for us to kiss …our love together for eternity."

"Meredith, are you upset…you…you're not ready for this?"

"What…of course I'm ready, I'm just..emotional, Derek…you did this…you remembered."

"I told you I did."

"I know…but now, it's real…we're here…"

"We're here…there…almost there, and the sun is setting," he told her, as the gondola gently floated through the narrow canal towards the legendary Venetian destination.

"Derek…"

"The Bridge of Sighs…" he said, "and now…" he said and she heard him take a deep breath, "no more surprises…and you promised…"

"I did," she said certain he was moment's away from the question that would change their lives.

"Meredith…I…will …" he started and paused never taking his eyes of her.

"Derek…yes…" she blurted and wanted to put her hand over her mouth.

"Is that a question," he teased suddenly, incredibly nervous and not having actually meant to say that.

"No."

"No, it's not a question," he said.

"No, it's my answer, not a question…yes, I'll marry you."

"I haven't asked yet."

"What?" she said with a small gasp.

"Meredith…I had, I have this whole …the whole thing planned…you can't just say yes."

"I told you I was, that I was going to say yes…so I just said yes, and well, I'm sorry…I thought you were asking…when you said…Meredith…will…I thought you were going to finish…"

"This," he said and leaned in to kiss her, "is another piece to add to the story…when we tell our kids…" he laughed.

"Kids born out of wedlock, since their father never got around to proposing," she giggled.

"Meredith…all those gondoliers around us, they're going to kill ours…we paid them, but I told him he'd only have to keep them away from us, give us privacy for about five minutes…"

"You had to pay for that," she laughed, "to keep the other gondoliers and their lively singing away from us. This proposal, Derek, we are never going to live this down. I said yes, and you hadn't asked," she giggled.

"Can I ask now…without interruptions…" he smiled.

"Please…I'll keep quiet, I promise."

"Once upon a time," he started, deep in concentration and very serious "there was this lonely drowning man, desperately trying to hide his pain and then he looked up and found his lifeline…a beautiful woman that wouldn't give him the time of day…or night…" he said smiling, "the woman he knew the first time he saw her would change his life."

The lyrics of gondoliers interpreting romantic Italian songs a cappella and the familiar strains of accordions echoed through the small canal as they did hundreds of times each day, but one particular familiar song, O Sole Mio, prevailed as they glided under the legendary bridge.

"And when she finally let him in…even though he loved her more than he'd ever loved anyone before, he let her down, and he became her knight in tarnished armor…" he said quietly lowering his gaze, and then meeting hers again continued, "and he hoped that one day she would forgive him…and let him love her…and take care of her…and pamper her for the rest of their lives…but he knew this life was not long enough for him to love her…and he heard of this legend, that if lovers kissed under the Bridge of Sighs at sunset…on a gondola, they will be assured eternal love…" and they each had tears in their eyes as he kissed away the tears rolling down her face.

"Meredith…will you…" he said and swallowed, unable to go on…and she gently placed her lips on his, feeling his tremble.

"Will you…" he said cupping her face with his right hand, his thumb wiping away the tears, "marry me, have kids with me…if you want…I won't rush you, let me build us a house and grow old with me and never leave me…Meredith, I thought I wanted a lifetime, but I don't…I want more…will you let me love you for this lifetime and beyond…will you let me love you for eternity," he finished and now they both had tears brimming as she leaned in to kiss him, softly and smiled.

"Yes…yes…" she kissed him again, "yes to everything…and you can't rush me…because I want our kids too, and we'll be ready…we will Derek…we will…" she said and wasn't able and didn't care to stop the flow of tears, "yes…to everything…and I love you… let me love you…and take are of you too, and promise me…you will not leave me before you're one hundred and ten…and we need to promise Derek…to love each other for always."

"Yes," he whispered.

"Yes," she kissed him.

"You said yes," he smiled.

"I did…"

"You're not taking it back…" he smiled.

"No…but you're the one that usually does that," she laughed, and their lips met as they kissed at sunset under the Bridge of Sighs, vowing, with each tender stroke, each gentle then urgent and gentle touch again, to love each other for eternity.

"Yes," he said, "you said yes…" he repeated again, "look," he pointed toward the sunset, "I think we're guaranteed eternity," and they both sighed and settled into the other's embrace and continued to enjoy that first kiss of their journey, a journey of legendary lovers where yet another patch of a beautiful tapestry had begun to be woven.

Oblivious to the clapping around them, the gondolier cleared his throat, "that was bellissimo…bellissimo…molto romantico…but we have to go…for the others…the others they wait for their kiss at sunset too."

"Oh my God," Derek said suddenly, "Meredith, I didn't give you the ring," he said and took it out quickly from his pocked and slipped it on her finger, to the onslaught of new tears as she kissed him again one final time before the gondola drifted slowly out of the way, making it possible for other lovers to profess their love for eternity.

This sunset, they would never forget as he slipped the ring on her finger, and now as they continued to glide away from the Bridge of Sighs, she stared at her ring, as the gondolier snapped another photograph and captured the hues of the setting sun, a bright vivid orange the backdrop to an ancient architectural masterpiece and the simplicity of light reflected on the Venetian waters, a gondola in the background as in centuries past, and two legendary lovers wrapped in each other's embrace.


	132. Chapter 132

**Ch 130 - Marry me…now, in Venice**

The gondola continued its journey gliding atop the golden waters lapping against its side, the current on the open lagoon a bit less gentle than the canal, as the sun found its resting place for the night into the depths of the water until the next morning when bright yellow hues would rise and shine again.

Meredith's head rested against his chest as he held her close to him, her right arm around his waist, while her left hand alternated between softly caressing the curls on the back of his neck, then placed gently on his chest and now extended in front of them as the last rays of sun shone on her ring, the overpowering emotions rendering them silent, unspoken joy the reflection on their faces.

Mutual sighs alerted the other to the magnitude of the moments they'd shared, the promises they'd made witnessed in silence by the soulful eyes of the gondolier, who now quietly hummed a tune that spoke of love everlasting as he made the final turn that would bring home the age old lover's conveyance.

"Derek," she spoke finally, looking at the ring on her finger again and reaching for his hand, entwining their fingers, "it's beautiful…but…"

"But…" he smiled, though the inner turmoil and doubts he'd been feeling resurfaced.

"It's beautiful…but even if there had been no ring, what you said," she looked at him, eyes shining brightly, "that was the most beautiful of all…and would have been enough to have made this …this night…" she stopped, and wiped a tear away.

"I wasn't…" he paused and swallowed, "wasn't sure…I wanted, needed to make it special, make up all those times…I needed to make this special… something you would always remember…"

"I will never forget," she whispered against his lips and kissed him softly, "no more talking about making things up…it was the most beautiful and special moment of my life…an unforgettable surprise," she said, her voice full of love and heartfelt emotion, "except…" she said softly, and wasn't able to keep her lip from trembling, and brought her hand to rest gently on her necklace, "the day…we…we saw our baby."

"That day," he said kissing her gently, "that moment…was priceless…" and engulfed her in his embrace.

"Thank you…and I'm sorry, to bring something sad up…but…she…" she paused, "I can't forget her…not just yet…"

"We won't forget her…Meredith, she'll be always be part of us…" he said, lifting the hearts on her necklace and holding them between his fingers, "our hearts and hers entwined for always."

"Derek, you are the love of my life …my soul mate…and tonight, you've made me feel like the most loved and special woman in the world."

"That's what you are to me…" he murmured against her ear, and then pulled away to lock gazes with her, "Meredith…I have been in love with you forever."

"You have…" she said smiling, "so have I Derek…for the first time in my life, when I met you…I thought…I knew I'd found that someone to spend the rest of my life with."

"So did I…Meredith…the first night we met…I knew…we were meant to meet."

"You were right, you know…but don't let it go to your head."

"About what?"

"If I knew you…I'd love you."

"I did say that, didn't I?"

"You did…and now…" she caressed his hand with gentle motions, "no more doubts, ever that we'll be together, for always," she whispered and both had tears in their eyes, and as the gondola glided gently to its dock, they gave in to the pleasure of a kiss that sealed the promises of lovers for eternity.

"Signore, we are here," the older man smiled indulgently.

Derek and Meredith pulled apart and smiled, "grazie," she said.

"Your camera," he said handing it to Derek, "beautiful…bellisima the story for your bambini and nipote…just like mia moglia ...forty years…and I tell you a secret, signorina, a special secret. Mia famiglia, all from Venice for two hundred years.

When you marry …for your what do you call it…anniversary…but has to be the first one…you come back here…and you kiss again…under the Ponte…and you have a long married life…many years…mia famiglia all couples at least forty years together…but not for everybody, special couples only …and I see many couples…and you…even if you don't come back…you have many years together," he added with a wink to her.

"His flirting with you," Derek mumbled as he helped her get up.

"Derek, he's adorable."

"Signorina, I help you…" he said as he quickly stepped outside the gondola and extended his hand to Meredith.

"Grazie…Signore…"

"Salvatore…signorina."

"Grazie Salvatore, you made this a very special evening," she said smiling at him.

"Very special couple…signorina, signore…I'm old but I see special love, I think I see you again…next year and you ride the gondola."

"Do we have to come back and see you, to get the forty years of happiness," Derek added a bit snappish and surprising Meredith.

"You don't trust me, signore," he said almost in a reprimanding fatherly tone, and speaking to him only, "you have a sadness in your heart, talk to her…" and then loud enough for her to here, "you need to believe me, trust signore. You have many years together …and you come back…and anyone can take you on the gondola, not me…I do this because I have romance, but only on Sundays…I use the gondola only for the couples that believe the legend…of Ponte Dei Sospiri."

"You do this only on Sunday?" Derek asked him.

"Yes, I am retired, an old doctor with romance in his heart."

"You're a doctor…" Meredith commented, "so are we."

"Signorina you are a doctor, a beautiful doctor, and you signore, what kind of doctor?"

"A surgeon, we're both surgeons," Derek told him dismissing the skepticism that the gondolier was looking for additional tips.

"Me, I was pediatrician…only take care of our nipote, grandchildren now, I go now like all Sundays to eat dinner with my family."

"Grazie…Salvatore," Derek said as he tipped him generously.

"Signore…not necessary…you paid…"

"For you and your wife, a romantic dinner," Derek told him, "you made our evening very special."

"You're special couple, but you take this," he said placing the money back in Derek's hand, "for the poor, we have many beautiful churches in Venice, put in the box in the church, I do the same…Sunday money from the gondola…goes to the church."

"Salvatore…grazie," Meredith said and extended her hand, but the old doctor turned gondolier surprised her by kissing her on both cheeks as was customary, though not necessarily from strangers.

"You could be my daughter," the old man say, "and I want to wish you happiness, I tell my Maria tonight, I met two people in love just like us."

"Grazie," Derek told him, "you're very lucky, to have a beautiful family."

"You and la signorina, you come back…and you look for me…and I take you on the gondola…my gift…next year," he said, "no money, my gift…for how do you say…lovers…the legend of lovers," he said smiling.

"Salvatore, where do I find you," Derek asked, "when we come back."

"Ah…you believe me…the forty years. Here, my card says Dottore, you call me or now everybody sends email, and I take you, for your wedding…your anniversary."

Derek smiled with a sudden realization and extended his hand, "we'll see you again," he said and lowering his voice, "next year," and gave Salvatore his business card.

"Felicitazioni, dottores…" the old man told them as he waved them goodbye smiling, watching them walk holding hands towards St. Mark's Square.

"That," she said, "was the most incredibly romantic proposal a woman could ever want," she said, smiling, and stopped just as they rounded the corner of the Square to cup his face in her hands and kiss him, "Derek…it was the most beautiful night…and Salvatore, he brought a perfect touch …the magic of romance."

"You're happy?" he asked, uncertainty in his tone.

"Of course, I'm happy…can't you see it…" she said and when she looked at the sadness in his face understood the comment made by the gondolier, and pulled him toward the arch covered breezeway of the old Doge's Palace.

"Derek, what's wrong…why …" she asked softly as he closed his eyes and took a deep breath, "I love you…Derek…why are you sad? Did I say something…was it that I brought up the baby?"

"I…" he said, "I wasn't sure…wasn't sure if you would say yes…"

"You weren't sure," she asked incredulously, "I've been waiting and waiting for you…for you to ask me, and I didn't even let you propose before I said yes Derek," she said wrapping her arms around his waist.

"You…" his voice trembled slightly, "you said yes…that you'll marry me…"

"I love you, of course I said yes…Derek, you knew I'd say yes," she said gently, "why would you doubt that?" she continued, playing with the curls on the back of his neck, nibbling at his lips, teasing him.

"I've screwed up, I'd screwed up so much…let you down."

"We've been working on all our issues, you know we have…we've made progress…lots of it, to get to this…and I'm happy…very happy…but, I'm going to start thinking you're not happy, that I said yes."

"Oh God, no…" he said with almost desperation in his voice, "Meredith, I…" he stopped too choked up to continue, "I've …I couldn't forget…when I asked you, when I mentioned it," he paused again, "that day, the first time I said something…and then, please don't doubt how very much I want this…how happy I am that you've forgiven me…that you want to be my wife."

"Well…I think I may need a little reassurance…that you want me to be your wife," she said as she drew him closer leaving no space between them, "I'm beginning to have some doubts myself," she whispered, "do you really want to …" she started to say but was interrupted as he brought his lips to hers and ravished her mouth, leaving them both breathless and with no doubts in either of their minds that they desperately wanted and needed the other.

"Does that," he said, pulling away a bit short of breath, "reassure you…" and then as quickly brought his lips to hers again his tongue teasing lightly, playfully at first and then thrust fully in her mouth as they forgot the world around them and became lost in the moans and caresses of lovers longing for fulfillment.

"Derek," she said, "oh…" she moaned softly, "Derek… we have to stop," she said, panting softly, "we'll get arrested…if we don't stop…"

"It will be worth it," he teased bringing his mouth to her neck, biting softly, "completely worth it," he said as she felt his erection pressing against her.

"Let's go…" she said, "back…to the hotel…"

"Hotel…yes…let's," he agreed and stopped as he heard the laughter of teenagers passing by and cheering him on, "oh God, Meredith, we can't," he said.

"I know…not here, let's go…"

"No…we can't…we have to wait…I can't believe…"

"Derek…" she said and leaned against him, short of breath, "forget waiting."

He embraced her, caressing her back gently, "we wait…I can wait…I'm not a randy teenager…"

"Could have fooled me," she said, as they both held each other and their breathing slowly returned to normal.

"Let's go for a long walk," he said as he reached for her hand and pulled her along, satisfied smiles evidence of their mutual reassurances.

.

"Are you going to feed me," she asked him as they walked along St. Mark's, the famous landmark now bathed in the golden glow of street lamps.

"I was wondering when you'd ask, I know I rushed you through the snack earlier," he teased her about two slices of pizza being a snack.

"You ate part of it."

"I had one bite…" he laughed, "you had the rest and dessert."

"It doesn't count, that was … well, I skipped lunch, and now it's dinner time."

"Yes, it is…what do you want to eat?"

"I don't know…let's find a quiet place…I have so many questions…"

"About what?"

"This whole trip, the proposal…my surprises…the ring Derek, I want to know all of it…"

"Well, I'm not sure I can tell you…"

"Derek…you've already proposed…you have to tell me…and we came here, and the gondola and the Bridge of Sighs…there can't be anything more…"

"You think?"

"There's more? Derek…there's more, what…I've been so patient…please…"

"Just one more surprise…"

"What is it," she insisted, teasing him, kissing him softly, "please."

"I suppose I can tell you…" he smiled, squeezing her hand.

"Yes, you can tell me, you should tell me," she said, teasing him while enjoying stolen kisses along the labyrinth of streets that was Venice.

"Let's find a place to satisfy your hunger," he told her.

"Well…I'm not sure dinner is going to do that," she teased him.

"Uhmmm…keep teasing the caged beast…"

"Derek…we're kind of…both teasing the other…"

"Uhmmm…" He answered with a smile, and continued walking and as they crossed over a couple of bridges, age old songs that spoke of romance drifted through the magic of a never to be forgotten Venetian night.

"Derek…" she said as she stopped in front of a shop window, simply to admire her ring, "it's a beautiful ring."

"I'm glad you like it," he said nuzzling her neck as she held her hand up to the lights of the window display.

"It's…well, I never expected this…but, now…it's perfect and beautiful and you spent a fortune I know…and," she laughed, "right now…at this very moment, I don't care."

"Ah…" he smiled, "she finally gets it…that I want to pamper her…and spoil her…and spend money on gifts for her…for the rest of her life."

"She gets it…" she giggled, "and she's going to let you…just as long as you promise to put money away for the kids education, before you blow it all away on her…"

"I think I can manage to do that…but, Meredith, they really should pull their own weight, we shouldn't hand them everything on a silver platter, and end up with soiled kids on our hands."

"What…you're going back on your word," she glared at him, "and you think we're going to have spoiled kids because we pay for their education, Derek, my babies are not going to be spoiled kids, they are going to be loved and pampered…and never…ever," she said turning a bit more sentimental, "doubt how much we love them."

"You are right," he said and kissed her, thankful she was openly talking about their future children, "and their mom is going to make sure I never forget it."

"You, are going to be the absolute worst offender in spoiling our kids rotten, I know it," she said with a serious tone, "but Derek," she said softly, "they will be the luckiest kids in the world, not because we can spoil them by giving them things, but because they will have you as their dad."

"They'll have the best mom in the world."

"They're just going to be very lucky kids, I guess…with us as parents," she giggled, "no doubts, according to this mutual admiration society…"

"Don't ever doubt it," he said and pulled her into his arms.

"Do you think we'll come back," she asked suddenly, "to Venice?"

"We are definitely coming back, I'm not giving up the chance of those forty years together," he told her before capturing her mouth.

"We've had many magical nights Derek…this is one of them…"

"Meredith…" he said, holding her face in his hand, caressing her softly, "every night with you…it's magical."

"McDreamy…in Venice," she said smiling.

"We're going to have to endure a new string of mcnames, I'm sure, if your friends have anything to do with it."

"Oh, no…"

"Oh no…what?"

"Derek," she gasped, "we didn't tell them that we got engaged…we said we'd let them know…"

"Well…it just happened, it's not like we're not going to tell them…it's only been an hour maybe."

"But, I said, we'd tell them the minute it happened, Lexie and Cristina and Kathleen, and your Mom Derek, she's going to think I'm the worst daughter in law, ever."

"I doubt that will happen, besides, you're going to be her only daughter in law, so she's stuck with whatever she gets."

"That, it is not nice, very mean in fact," she swatted his arm.

"I'm teasing you Meredith, she already loves you."

"We have to tell them, I said we'd tell them the minute I had my ring, and that I'd call your Mom and the rest, well Kathleen and Lexie and Cristina, probably Izzie, but your Mom, Derek and Kat and Lexie…"

"We can still do that you know…if you want we can skip dinner and we can call them and tell them."

"I'm not skipping dinner," she laughed, "let's find a place Derek, I want to hear all about how you planned this…and we can tell them, we'll email them I think, so they all hear at the same time…"

"It's good to know what your priorities are," he taunted.

"Always feed the appetite first…" she told him.

"Really…food is the priority…" he mocked her.

"Food…sex…whatever…" she teased him.

"In that order…"

"That depends…" she said.

"Uhmmm…"

"Uh huh…" she said and they both started laughing, "tomorrow night, Derek…I'm not waiting…not one more day."

"Meredith…I told you…we have all the time in the world, just…you need to be ok."

"Derek…tomorrow night…that's plenty of time…no more waiting," she said as she stopped their stroll again to circle his waist with her arms, "one night…"

"One more night…" he agreed, "no more waiting…" and wrapped his arms right around her waist, feeling her lean back just enough so that he could see the expressions on her face.

"I love you Derek."

"I adore you Meredith…and it feels so right to tell you over and over…"

"I love hearing it…so don't hold back," she told him and kissed him.

"Uhmmm…I could stay like this forever," he said, nuzzling her neck, while the arms around her waist found their way inside her coat, holding her closer to him while his hands enjoyed the feel of her body, the reaction of her body to his exploring hands.

"Me too…though it would be warmer indoors."

"I would…" he teased her, "argue that point, but…maybe we really should find a place to eat soon," he said as he reached for her hand and continued their romantic walk through the traffic free and narrow streets of Venice.

"Derek…" she laughed, "tomorrow night…payback…"

"You will," he laughed with her.

"Look," she said pointing to a quaint restaurant with a small outside area overlooking a canal, "it seems like they're locals, what do you think…do we try it?"

"I bring you to a beautiful romantic city…and the night we become engaged…"

"Derek," she laughed suddenly, "we…we're engaged…"

"Yes…you did say yes."

"No, yes, I mean we are, but that's the first time I think of it that way, that we're engaged," she said as she looked at her ring again, "let's eat here, I don't want to wait anymore to hear how you managed to plan this trip, all the details, and you said you'd tell me."

"I'll tell you, over dinner…" he answered by kissing her as they approached the door of the restaurant and soon were seated at a fairly private table facing the canal and the waitress asked if they cared for wine.

"Do you have champagne?"

"No…sorry only wine, it's family restaurant we drink more the wine of Italy," the waitress told him.

"Derek…wine…that is fine, " she said transporting herself back in time, "remember…our first night…the night overlooking the ferryboats."

"Yes," he said, "wine is definitely fine," he said and ordered.

"Ok…tell me…why did you think of Venice and when, wait, I know why, you told me already about remembering Esme…but what about the ring and the hotel…and you kept it a secret."

"Well, the ring was easy, sort of…I looked at a lot of rings, I admit I went online, and when I saw this one, I could see it on your finger, and I sent it to Kathleen and she liked…so…I went and got it, actually they had to make sure they had what I wanted."

"Where did you get it? When…did you go in and look at it, I mean you said you sent Kathleen a link."

"Same place as your necklace…and I did have to wait a couple of days."

"The didn't have it?"

"I wanted the perfect size."

"It is…I mean, I'd have chosen a small diamond, but it's perfect."

They brought their wine and he held his glass, "to our future…our lifetime of love."

"Cheers," they said in unison.

"Derek…let's drink to fate…to fate bringing us together…beyond this lifetime," she said with tears brimming as were his.

"Beyond this lifetime…I'll always love you Meredith."

"As I will," she said as their hand entwined.

"Did you know you were going to propose like you did …the gondola at sunset…"

"Oh yes, once I knew we were coming here, that's how I envisioned it…did you like it…were you surprised?"

"Absolutely…I was…"

They were interrupted to get their order, and Derek was amazed that she ordered enough for three.

"Derek, you said Kathleen helped with the hotels and…did she know…did she give you some ideas about this…"

"Yes, about the hotel, but she knew nothing of my plans once we got here."

"So…it's just you and me…just us that know…and you didn't get ideas from anyone," she stated and asked at the same time, while delighted it had been all his idea.

"I told you, weeks ago, when I proposed …it would only be me…remember?"

"Yes," she whispered her eyes on his, "you said, only the voice of my heart, and what I feel for you."

"That's what it is Meredith…that's what it's all about…what my heart feels for you."

Both leaned in at the same time, bridging across the small distance of the table between them and their lips touched, and then she insisted he tell her all the details of the planning of this trip and their proposal.

"Thank you…for everything…for caring this much about me," she said not letting go of his hand.

The waiter brought an appetizer and salad interrupting their conversation, which was easily picked up after he left and she began to open up emotionally even more than she had before.

"Derek, let's email them…I can't want to tell them."

"Ok," he agreed good naturedly, "go ahead."

"I need your phone, mine's at the hotel, I wasn't thinking I'd need it."

"We spent all that time setting it up, and you don't have email…maybe we should just wait till we get back to the hotel," he teased her.

"Derek…let me have your phone now…" she told him, making him smile.

"Bossy…very very sexy…"

"Don't be an ass," she smiled, "let's tell them now," she finished just as he was handing her the phone, "wait…first take a picture of my ring."

"You want me to take a picture of your ring, seriously?"

"Yes, Derek…that's the best way to tell them, and they can all see it, at the same time, except Kat, she'll know since she already saw it, but the rest it will be a surprise, and it's great that they can see it right away."

He obliged, and the photo was attached to the following email, with Finally the only word on the subject line.

"Finally…that's the subject?"

"You did take your sweet time Derek, and all those non-proposals…"

"Keep rubbing it in," he pouted.

"I love you Derek," she said and earned a laugh from him.

"Ok…Ms. Diversion…write your message…"

She addressed it to his Mom and Kathleen and the rest of her friends.

_Derek proposed, here's the ring…on my finger and it was the most perfect and romantic proposal. Tell you about it when we see you next week. _

_The only way to do this was email you all at the same time_

_For now…he proposed at sunset under the Bridge of Sighs, you all found at the same time. Love, Meredith _

Then she sent a text to them as well except Mrs. S, "Derek, they are going to be texting all night long," she joked.

-He proposed!! Look for my email.

Like rapidly exploding fireworks, not five minutes had passed when their friends began bombarding them with questions, which they took turns answering as the other was usually laughing at the exchange of texts.

-what size is the diamond, can you see it?

-I don't know

-well ask

-Cristina!

-ask him

-2.25 carats, emerald cut baguettes on side

-about damn time McDreamy lived up to that name

"Ouch," he said, "she's not going to let me get off easy," he said speaking of Cristina.

"I'll handle her," she assured him.

-OMG Mer, that is beautiful, just read your email

-ths Iz it is wait till you see it

-how big is it…just to imagine what it looks like

-Derek just said 2.25 carats

-Shep…congrats, I'm going to cash in on some bets

-Mer…it looks beautiful on you

-ths Mark

-Mer it's gorgeous just out of surgery couldn't text before had to wait to ck emails so happy please call me and tell me all about it

-Xena she will, she's laughing at your rambling right now

-I am not Lexie he is call you later or tomorrow

They continued the text exchange with their friends until the brought their dinner, and at the same time his phone rang, it was Kathleen wanting to get all the details, and he told her she could speak to Meredith briefly but that they'd call her back from the hotel.

Meredith was worried they had not called his Mom, when her phone call came through.

"Mom," he answered.

"You've done it, have you?"

"Yes Mom," he smiled.

"Congratulations Derek, I'm very happy…and I can't wait to meet Meredith. The ring is lovely dear," she said and he handed Meredith the phone and they spoke longer than necessary, he thought as he wanted her undivided attention.

"The ring is beautiful Meredith, I'm very happy for both of you."

"That means a lot to me, thank you…and it is, and I'm happy, and thank you for keeping us in your prayers. Derek's giving me this look…it's not polite here to be on the phone at a restaurant, so we'll call you later, when we get back to the hotel.

"Of course dear, that is so true, you call me later, and…welcome to the family."

"Thank you…thank you…" she said as emotions overwhelmed her. His mother had welcomed her to the family.

"You ok?" he asked.

"Yes, I'm perfect," she said, "she welcomed me to the family," and he saw the tears in her eyes.

"I told you….she already loved you," he smiled, and uncaring of the audience leaned across the table and kissed her.

Their walk to the hotel, as on the way to the restaurant took about twenty minutes longer than necessary as they continued their light teasing and banter and the pleasure of stolen kisses, light and soft with laughter filling the air, and those that took their breath away.

"Oh, Derek," she said suddenly as she stopped in the middle of a centuries old small square small, a fountain in the middle the perfect touch on an evening filled with romance, "I am happy," she said and brought her arms up to circle his neck and leaned back to look at him secure in the way he held her, his arms wrapped around her waist, "you've made me so happy," and then leaned up to kiss him just barely brushing his lips with hers, "and I love you so much Derek…I love you so much," she said as her eyes were filled with hope and expectation.

"I love you…to absolute distraction," he said, and without warning lifted her off the ground and spun her around, and she raised her arms and wrapped them around his neck, "and you have made me so happy…tonight…you have made my life complete," he said, as put her down holding her body pressed to his and kissed her.

"Derek," she moaned softly, "I love you."

"Meredith," he said, his eyes looking at her intently at her, "marry me."

"Derek," she giggled, "I've already said yes."

"Marry me…marry me now," he said, their eyes a reflection of the other's love.

"Now…what does that mean…now?"

"Here…now, in Venice," he said, his eyes shining brightly, his heart beating rapidly in anticipation, his soul filled with love and bursting with joy.

_Links will not post, should work if you add before this /hotel-dani...whoweare-en.htm_

Should work if you addwww. Before the rest of this /Engagement/Item.aspx?sku22424874

_AN 9/6 Planning to write next chapter tomorrow, meanwhile, I realized why it's not a good idea to post an update at 430 in the morning! _

_I've fixed typos on Chp 130; and realized some sentences did not make sense, so I've edited and made some changes specifically to the email she sent and the tex messages exchanged._

_Thanks for reading & your comments._


	133. Chapter 133

**Ch 131 – "Yes…but…"**

"Marry you…" she whispered, repeating the words, unsure she'd understood them correctly, "now…here…in Venice?"

"Yes," he said smiling, the blue of his eyes reflecting a misty sheen of hope and expectation, eager for celebration in anticipation of her answer.

"Married…now," she whispered, "but…I…we can't…not…not until…" and knew immediately she had made a mistake. One that could unravel the weeks of nurturing that had provided them with the last hours of happiness.

His gaze turned somber, his eyes lost their shine and only met her gaze for brief seconds before he turned away, seconds that lasted a lifetime and spoke of betrayal as she glimpsed into his soul.

"Fine," he said barely audible as he released her hand, "we should get back, it's late."

"Derek," she said reaching for his arm and holding him back, "don't pull away…that is not what I meant."

"It's fine Meredith, I understand, let's walk back," he said and all she heard was disappointment and despair, and desperately wished she'd chosen another way to give her answer.

"No, you don't get to do this, Derek…you don't get to walk way."

"What more do you want from me," he said barely able to control his emotions, "because right now, all I can do is walk back with you."

"Derek… please, you did not let me finish what I wanted to say…you took me by surprise, it's not what I meant."

"You don't want to do this, I get it."

"Derek…you don't get it, I love you…"

"But…" he said sardonically, "but… fuck, how I hate that word," he laughed, "you're right it's been my fuck up using that word in the past, but you…tonight, I guess… payback, for all those times…your timing was impeccable…payback…" he murmured.

"You think…do you actually think that…that I'd …that I've said this…Derek…as payback…"

"Meredith, I don't know what to think, let's drop it and get back."

"No…I will not drop it and you don't get to shut me up."

"Yes," he told her adamantly, his teeth clenched tightly, "yes, I do, because if not I'm going to say something we will both regret, and I'd rather we just end things, without…"

"You're not listening…Derek…you can't just ignore what I have to say, it's not," she paused registering what he'd said, "wait…you said end things…you …you want to end things…you don't, Derek…you don't mean that…" she whispered, unsure of how the wrong choice of words had made things take such a horrible turn.

"All I know … Meredith, all I know…is I can't do this…I can't…" he began almost breaking down, "I tried…I thought it would be enough, but it's not…I'm going back tomorrow, you can stay…the trip is paid for…all taken care of, I'm…I'm going back…I'll leave you alone."

"Derek…why…why are you doing this," she spoke, urgency in her tone, "why are you doing this to us…to me…"

"I didn't do anything Meredith…obviously nothing I've done is enough…"

"Derek…I could really hate you right now…I really could," she stood up to him.

"Don't you already…what I don't understand is why you went along with all of this, why did you accept my proposal? Why…if you didn't want this…" he said swallowing past the lump in his throat as well as his pride.

"Why did I accept your proposal," she repeated as she only stared at him, angered by his reaction, but softening as she looked in his eyes and saw a broken and defeated man, and

that he too had trust issues, and many of her actions in the past had not done anything to reassure him.

"Please, let's walk back," he said quietly, meeting her eyes for the briefest of moments, and she followed without responding for about sixty seconds and then stopped right before turning a corner that would lead back to the hotel.

"Derek," she said with more confidence than she was feeling, "I'm not going back."

"What?"

"I'm not going back to the hotel with you."

"Meredith, let's go, we can finish this later."

"No," she said emphatically, "we will finish this now…and that's the second time in three minutes you've spoken of ending and finishing this…so go ahead, you want to end this…tell me straight out, spell it out for me, because I'm dense and don't get it…" she glared at him having fully recovered her resolve that she was not going to let him pull away, especially since he had jumped to conclusions without hearing her out.

"We're in the middle of the street, we can have this conversation in private," he said and turned his head ready to walk away.

"In private," she said quietly, "I don't give a damn about where we are," and surprising them both smacked the back of his head, "you…stupid…moronic… brainless ass."

"What the hell was that for," he said rubbing the back of his head.

"To see if I could knock some sense into that empty brain of yours."

"I'm not the one that turned down the proposal…I'm the one who's being rejected, so…I don't see how…"

"Oh…oh…oh," she said in frustration, "you are such an ass…"

"So you've said…now can we stop this public display…" he began but was interrupted.

"Public display," she said gesturing with her hands, "where…where is the public because all I see are empty streets, and if you think I'm going to let you ruin the most beautiful night of my life…over an obvious lapse of your brain activity," she said and swatted his arm forcefully, "you have another thing coming Derek Shepherd, because I'm not going to let you."

"Meredith…I'm not the one that said no," he said quietly.

"What…seriously…I'm going to have to think you are drunk or on drugs Derek."

"I was not," he said getting angry, "the one that does not want to get married."

"You are impossible, I did not say that."

Really, do you care to interpret, I can't, we can't."

"That was not to getting married, but to getting married here…now…in Venice, and if you'd have let me finish my sentence…"

"My point Meredith is that I have no doubts…I don't need to wait. But, you do, maybe you should try to figure out why that is."

"Maybe you're right," she said annoyed with his close mindedness. "If you had let me finish without jumping to conclusions, you'd have understood," she said sadly, "but you're right, maybe I should try to figure this out…" and began to walk ahead of him, her steps hurried, wanting to reach the hotel as quickly as possible.

He followed her, keeping his distance behind her, his thoughts in turmoil as regret filled his every emotion, wishing he had not asked her to marry him now. He should have known she'd need more time. He should have known she was not ready, but his heart had been filled with hope and for one moment he thought she might say yes, but now all that they'd worked for seemed lost.

She walked along the quiet streets trying to understand where they'd failed, what had taken weeks to regain in a matter of minutes began to fall apart, but she was not ready to give up, and as she walked she could feel his pain and doubts and she decreased the length of her steps, until she could almost feel his breathing and she knew it was up to her to reassure him. Her steps became shorter and as she felt his presence at her side simply reached for his hand and felt him tremble, felt the slight nervous shaking of his hand and with that simple action accepted how very fragile their relationship remained and how desperately they needed to build their trust in each other.

They turned the corner to the hotel, and at the very spot where hours earlier they'd enjoyed being in each other's embrace, they gently squeezed the other's hand, if nothing else a silent pledge of their love for each other.

"Dr. Shepherd," the clerk said when they approached the desk to get their key, "there was a delivery made to your room, please let us know if all is to your satisfaction."

"Of course," Derek told him, unaware as to why anything could have been left for them, and surprised he'd been called Doctor, as he usually never mentioned his title.

She did not let go of his hand, and he felt her weariness as she walked up the steps and then waited for him to open the door, a sigh of relief escaping her as they walked in to their room, neither noticing the bucket with a bottle of champagne.

She released his hand and turned to him, ready to face things head on. "I love you more than I ever thought it was possible to love someone, but we can't do his anymore, this constant mistrust and jumping to conclusions, second guessing the other' s meaning.

I accept my part in it, but now, you have a choice to make…because I've already made mine, and I'm ready to walk away," she said, silently praying for strength that she could pull this off, because the alternative was them going their separate ways and too painful to consider. "Think about what you really want, because after tonight, whatever that is, there is no turning back."

She walked away making every attempt not to break down and left him for a few minutes, hiding away in the bathroom trying to gather her thoughts. Here she was, dark and twisty Meredith Grey confronting instead of avoiding, while Derek, the one that had held them together the last several weeks was coming apart. She had seen it, she' d sensed his retreat intermittently since they had left Seattle, and now it had manifested itself fully when she'd made the wrong choice of words, because what she felt, what she wanted left no doubts in her heart or mind.

She'd made her choice, she knew what her answer was, but she'd never expected him to jump to the worst of conclusions and then like a bad television script, it all seemed to take a life of its own leading them to this impasse. But, while walking along the centuries old streets in silence, she'd felt the heartbreak and the turmoil in his soul, and realized just as had happened weeks ago that he still did not trust her feelings for him. She'd thought, after all they'd been through together the last three weeks, he'd finally accepted how much she loved him and that she was not going to leave him again. Ironically, that is what she had meant to tell him, what she'd wanted to discuss. Instead he'd interpreted she did not want to get married and both had said things she was certain neither had meant, almost comedic if not for the reality and seriousness that ensued.

She stepped out a few minutes later and looked at her watch. It was almost ten o'clock, three hours since the most perfect moment of her life, his proposal. It had taken less than three minutes for things to begin to unravel, and she would not, could not allow their life together to be built on mistrust and miscommunication.

The room was in total darkness, probably to suit his mood she thought and noticed the balcony door ajar, his body resting against the railing of the balcony, head raised looking across the lagoon towards Giudecca Island, the familiar dome of a church shining by artificial muted light, its blue tinge reflection, romantic on any other night.

She crossed the room quietly observing him, but once she saw the familiar gesture, his hand raised to cover his eyes then fingers running through his hair and the almost invisible shaking of his shoulders, she hurried to his side and wrapped her arms around his waist feeling the slight trembling of his body and the sharp intake of breath as she rested her face gently on his back.

"I need you…and I believe you need me," she said wrapping her arms tighter around him, "and I'm not ready to give up on us."

"You said…" he spoke after several minutes that seemed a lifetime to her.

"I said…or rather, I started to say," she continued quietly, "all I wanted to say…all I needed to say…is that we can't get married…not until we've talked about important things, things that we can't ignore anymore…"

"Like what…" he said without turning, but she placed a kiss on his back, and then forced him to look at her.

"The day I drowned…"she whispered, her unwavering gaze meeting his, "our fears."

"I…we…I can't…can't go through that, relive that again."

"Mocking me…are you, repeating my words," she said, attempting and failing miserably to lighten the mood.

"This is not funny."

"Actually, it is…a comedy of errors…"

"Meredith…" he paused, running his hand through his hair again, "we…I'm not…"

She smiled indulgently, "what can't you …do… or say…or face…"

"I don't understand…why…why you're …what are we doing, Meredith, what is all this about."

"What are we doing…" she said, trying to sound confident and putting all her doubts and mounting fears aside. "I thought…well, I think…I'm getting married…" she said looking at him, reaching up to kiss him softly, "in Venice."

"What…what are you talking about…is this some sort of game?"

"No…Derek…it's what I would have answered, if you had not jumped to conclusions."

"You're just saying that…you said no…"

"Listen to me, Derek Shepherd, I've had enough of your accusations that I don't trust you and then you turn around and do the same thing, worse in fact. You're going to have to decide once and for all what it is you want and trust me, and you need to stop taking things back…because instead of a wedding ring I'm going to have to buy you a life size crab and hang it around your neck."

"How…" he said rather incredulous, "how can you joke about this, we…we walked here in silence, my whole world…falling apart…thinking I'd lost you…again," he said with sadness in his voice, "and you can joke."

"Consider the alternative," she said quietly.

"Which is?"

"Are you leaving tomorrow?"

"I didn't want to say that…Meredith I don't know what comes over me…over us that we keep backsliding."

"I told you…the curse of the crab," she teased.

"Stop it…stop it Meredith, it's not a joke. We just said some things that shouldn't have been said."

"I know, but did you mean them…did you really mean you wanted to leave tomorrow, to leave me here…alone…for a week to enjoy the plans you'd made, to literally take back your proposal, because if you did," she said and for emphasis started to slide her engagement ring off her finger, "this belongs to you."

He grabbed her hand immediately, "no…no…please…don't…don't ruin that moment…because of me…all I said to you, every word, I meant…let me remember the moment you said yes…not when you take off that ring."

"Is there," she said, almost afraid of his answer, "will there be a need for me to take it off?"

"I can't lose you again…Meredith…I can't …can't handle that," he said as she heard the broken intake of breath.

"You can't lose me…you can only push me away…"

"Have I done that already? Tonight have I done that again?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know."

"I don't know who I'm talking too…I don't recognize this man…this man that almost ruined the most beautiful night of my life…"

"Almost," he murmured afraid to still hope she'd forgive him completely.

She wrapped her arms around him, "it's cold out here, let's talk inside," she said and kissed him softly, and then took his and pulled him inside until they reached the bed and sat down, then she got up to turn a small light on.

"Meredith…what…where do we go from here?"

"We talk…"

"You want to talk…about…about what happened."

"I do, I need to understand many things too."

"What?"

"Why you are constantly pulling away from me…"

"Meredith," he said, almost amused for the first time in the last half hour.

"What…" she replied, her spirits lifting at his tone.

"That's what I said to you…Cristina's wedding…you can't say the same thing to me."

"Of course I can, if it's true…and I was, I was pulling away from you then, but you…you've been doing this since we left Seattle, before even…and you need to understand why, before we make a commitment…we both need to understand why."

"I don't pull away," he said doing exactly that, an emotional retreat she was more than familiar with.

"You are, emotionally, and I understand but we have to talk Derek…we can't push all of this under the…whatever…"

"Who are you? You want to talk…communicate…did someone else…"

"Invade my body," she smiled.

"At the very least," he joked.

"Derek…I'm having doubts too…who you are …what you want from me, from our relationship."

"You know who I am."

"Do you really think that?"

"Of course you do…I've kept nothing from you…I've been open…these last weeks…"

"But I'm still confused, because you see…" she said turning slightly to face him, "you saved me…and you were my strength…but you also say things that hurt me, and Derek we can't go in to a marriage with that attitude…because I'm not in this for a year or two…I'm in this, just as you asked me…I'm in this for a lifetime."

He was a mess. He admitted it and now she was being the stronger of the two, and began to feel he was failing her again, and the first reaction was to pull away from her, ashamed of how he'd let things get out of hand. She was right, he had ruined their evening, what was supposed to be the first of good memories, untainted by the past, and he looked at her allowing her a glimpse of his doubts and got up and walked away, and she only gave him a chance to pace for a short distance before she got up and put her hand on his arm and challenged him.

"You do not get to do this, you do not get to walk away from me, we are going to have this discussion…we promised each other that," she said forcing him to look at her. "Do you have any idea how I feel right now? I sat on a gondola with the man I love, the world's most perfect man, at least that's what I told Lexie," she smiled, "way back when… and tonight I said yes, before you even asked… that's a person I don't recognize, and you've turned me into her…a person who because of you, is full of hope and not so secret feelings…and wants desperately to change and communicate and build our relationship. All because you love me and when I ask you to share this big elephant in the room with us, this thing…bird…around our neck weighing us down and you walk away and tell me you're leaving."

"You didn't want to marry me."

"No Derek, you don't get away with that. I paused, and began to tell you how I felt, and you jumped to your own wrong conclusions."

"What…what is it you want?"

"I want to know why you do that…I want to understand who this man I said yes to…I said yes, I wanted to marry you…who he is, because he does not get to walk away again, not if he loves me…if you love me…you will not walk away. But you are and I want to know why you don't think we're worth fighting for." She continued without giving him much chance to respond, though she sensed he wasn't going to, because she truly understood it was about trust, and his fears much like her own, their greatest fear was the possibility of losing each other again.

"I have trusted you, put myself out there again, vulnerable to being hurt and I have loved you and trusted you. For you, for us… opened up to Kathleen and your mother and Lexie and…." she paused, feeling the depth of her emotions, "and the man I said yes to…held me in his arms and gave me the strength I needed to get through the next second of my life, as I laid there and felt the painful and devastating failure of my body to keep my baby safe …" she said and he did turn away from her then to hide his pain, and walked to the bed and sat with his head down, and she followed and knelt in front of him her hands on his thighs as she reached for both his hands.

"The man I said yes to…that man, the one that held me through that night while our baby…was gone, and you… the idea that you loved me, made it possible to make it through; the man who pulled me out of the water…the same man who the last three weeks has given more of himself than ever, but you are also holding back and hours ago made the most romantic and I thought beautiful and heartfelt proposal a woman could ever dream of…that man…does not get to hurt me again. I've lost everyone I've loved, everyone that was supposed to love me, and I can't lose you too…but if you don't want me," she continued without holding back, and he heard the tears in her voice, "I will let you go, I will …if you tell me you've changed your mind…that you don't care …that it's too much work… I will be the one that walks away…" she said and waited for his answer, and in the silence that followed started to take her ring off, when she felt his tears on her hands, one drop falling and sliding off her ring.

"I…I held you in my arms…lifeless…like ice…" he began and was unable to continue as he broke down and sobbed and as she began to stand he pulled her into his arms.

"You saved me…" she said softly after his breathing began to feel normal again.

"All…I do…is fail you…over and over…even that night…I wasn't there…you woke up…and I wasn't there…and tonight…rushed you."

"Derek…you did not rush me…"

"You said …"

"I said we need to talk about what happened, Derek I drowned…you saved me, and we have never talked about it."

"Why now? Why pick now?"

"Because," she said and caressed his face gently, "you asked me to marry you…to marry you now…here in Venice…"

"But…you said…"

"And I want to…I do…but…"

"I hate that word Meredith…"

"Maybe we can eliminate it …along with fine," she smiled, "from our vocabulary."

"Why now…" he insisted.

"We are making one of the biggest decisions of our lives…I already said yes…I want to marry you Derek…I want to be your wife…" she smiled and looked up into his eyes, "and yes I do mean now…you're right, you have no doubts…neither do I…not anymore, because I know what I want is to spend the rest of my life with you…and I want that dream…the dream of our home and our family, bu…" she paused, "I thought we were going to have all this time to go back and for me to go to therapy and try to be a bit more…less dark and twisty…to go into our marriage just a little more healed…so when I said…we have to talk…I just wanted to give you that option…to wait… "

"I don't need an option."

"But I do…I needed to give you that option… to wait, till I get through with therapy…then you can decide if you still want me… want me to be your wife."

"Meredith, there's never been any doubt in my mind. Tonight, I asked you…and you said yes, and I had never been happier in all my life… "

"That's not true," she told him.

"Of course it's true," he argued.

"There was a sadness…even the gondolier noticed, something was holding you back."

"Yes," he admitted, "there was."

"Then maybe you're not ready."

"My only sadness was thinking about the possibility of you missing from my life."

"I'm not going anywhere, not unless you want me to…I'm not going to leave you."

"You already have," he whispered.

"That's what we have to talk about…it wasn't by choice Derek…you don't know what happened."

"Then tell me."

"That's all I wanted to do, for us to talk about it…once and for all, and move on with our lives."

"I'm sorry…" he said.

"For what?"

"Ruining this evening…tonight…"

"You didn't…"

"Only a few minutes of it…but now, Derek…this is the rest of our lives…this is where we decide if we're going to spend it together."

"Meredith…" he said and kissed her lightly, then following her lead deepened their kiss, "I have no doubts about wanting to spend it together."

"Neither do I."

"Then…"

"Then…we talk about it…everything we haven't talked about before…about that day…about me…drowning…and you saving me…and then …pushing me away."

"I…I did not push you away…"

"Yes, Derek…you did…but I did too…and we can't do that anymore."

"But…"

"I thought we agreed to eliminate that word…" she added softly.

"It's a preposition…you use it sometimes…" he joked with her.

"Yeah…well…you are the one that has a problem with the word, not always using it at the best of times that is…"

"Meredith…" he murmured, and she knew they'd survived yet another obstacle along the one hundred steps to their dream home.

"Derek…"

"We're going to make it…we're going to have that lifetime…"

"I know we are…we just have to face our problems…not sweep them away."

"Sweep them under the rug or the carpet you mean…" he teased.

"That's another thing," she smiled, "no more teasing…about my lack of …"

"Ability or perhaps more fitting…interest in remembering a famous quote or sentence," he joked with her.

"Yes."

"How about this one, can you remember this one…" he teased as he lowered his mouth

to hers and they both laughed as they kissed.

"I have no problem with remembering that…no verbal skills required," and for the first time in over an hour laughter echoed in their hearts, this time, with the understanding that they had finally risen to the challenge of dealing with their fears. The greatest one of them, the one that would determine and set the course of the rest of their lives.

"Where do we start," he said.

"The beginning…"

"Ok."

"But…"

"Meredith…"

"First, we pick up where we left off…before we turned this into a three ring circus."

"Ah…she can remember…"

"It seems she can," she laughed.

"Where do you propose we begin," he asked.

"Well…you proposed…and it was beautiful…and emotional and sentimental…" she said and a tear escaped to be captured by his thumb, "and the most beautiful night of my life."

"And we walked through the streets of Venice…totally and completely in love…"

"And you said…Meredith…marry me…"

"Marry me …marry me now…"

"What does that mean…now?" she said reliving that moment, knowing it was now guaranteed a different outcome, or rather she thought and smiled, the perfect outcome.

"Here… now, in Venice," he said again, this time his eyes still shining brightly, though now tears were reflected by them both, his heart and hers beat rapidly in anticipation, their soul were filled with undeniable love and bursting with joy, as only two lovers destined to fulfill the dreams of lovers destined to be together for a lifetime and beyond eternity.

"Marry you…now…here…in Venice?"

"Yes," he said smiling, as she was, the blue of his eyes again reflecting a misty sheen of hope and expectation, hers the grey green he loved, both eager of the celebration her answer would bring as they sealed the promises of love everlasting.

"Married…now," she whispered, "here…in Venice…" she smiled, and the course of the evening changed again, as it should have continued a mere hour before.

"Meredith…"

"Derek…"

"Yes…the answer is yes," she told him tears and smiles mingled together, "but…before we do…we talk…we talk about that night…that day…our fears…"

"The day you drowned…" he said, having always understood that was their greatest fear, that of losing the other.

"The day you saved me."

"As you saved me…months before."

"Yes…but…now…we talk…"

"We'll be here all night."

"As long as it takes Derek…as long as it takes… because when we say yes," she smiled, "when we say I do…it's for always…there's no turning back."

"It's for a lifetime Meredith…there was never any doubt about that."

"What a tale to tell our children…" she smiled.

"I think…I know …" he joked, "I want editorial rights on this one."

"I can live with that."

"I can't live without you," he said, his voice full of emotion.

"Neither can I," she said, and wrapped her arms around him, as they both embraced the other and sealed their commitment to a lifetime.

_9/12 AN - Thank you all for your continued support in reading this story and your comments the last several chapters. They are incredibly inspiring. My apologies for taking so long to post this, it was a difficult chapter to write because I felt it was so important to set up the long overdue NDE conversation. Then, work became chaotic...and not a lot of time to write. The next chapter is easier, though quite emotional for them both. Thanks for your patience, I hope you are not dissapointed. Have a great weekend, Jasmin _


	134. Chapter 134

**Ch 132 - Broken hearts mended – Part 1**

Countless minutes had passed since they had wrapped their arms around each other and lay back on the bed, murmuring promises that brought smiles to their faces as they lovingly reached out to touch the other, caressing and kissing with a new found sense of depth and emotions certain they were on the brink of new discoveries.

Their bodies were pressed closely together, her face resting on his chest, as he continued to run his fingers through her hair in between soft tender kisses, each holding back the desire to be deeply connected and give in fully to their passion.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You're vibrating," she giggled.

"So I am…" he laughed, "and ignoring it."

"Don't you want to know what it is?"

"You're here with me…nothing else can be as important."

"Derek…you should look at it, something could be wrong, your Mom…Kathleen…"

"They'd call Meredith."

"Derek…look at it."

"Never remembered you being this nosy before," he teased her, "or concerned it might be my family," he added while nuzzling her neck and kissing her softly, then a gentle bite, a quiet moan her response.

"Derek…if you don't…" she said reaching for the phone, "I will."

"And bossy…I forgot bossy," he laughed handing her the phone.

"He's dead Derek…I'm…we're going to kill him."

"Mark, I take it," he smiled.

"Yes," she smiled in return and showed him the screen.

-Shep the bottle cost a fortune, hope you finally got sex

"What bottle is he talking about?"

"Derek…that is not the point, it's his sex comment," she laughed playfully.

"You know Mark, that's all he thinks about," he told her, "we should respond."

"Absolutely not…" she told him, "if we do, he'll know the answer."

"How do you figure?"

"Derek…seriously," she giggled, "you'd have looked at that message if we were having sex?"

"It doesn't mean we didn't."

"Brainless…" she teased him, "he'll know, but what bottle is he talking about?"

"It must be what the clerk meant downstairs, that something had been delivered," he said and looked around the room, "Meredith, he sent a bottle of champagne."

"He did…"

"Uhmmm…look, at the table."

"I didn't notice at all," she said, her eyes resting on the silver tray covered with linen, a silver bucket with a bottle of champagne on top of it, with two champagne flutes, linen napkins and a small glass bowl filled with ice, now turned mostly to water.

"I think we were a bit more preoccupied."

"There's a note by it Derek, why don't you get it."

"I don't want to move," he said and brought her closer to him.

"You don't have to," she said and kissed him.

"But…" he murmured against her lips, "you want to know what it says."

"Uh huh…"

"You're going to make me get out of bed."

"Well…only if you want to," she said with enough of a pout for him to tease her.

"Ok then, we can just wait till morning."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…you are definitely very nosy," he said just as he reluctantly got up, and leaned down to kiss her, "Shepherd trait rubbing off on you already," he laughed.

"That's just what your Mom said," she smiled upon his lips.

"She did not."

"You can ask her," she said so seriously, he knew he'd call her after they talked, he was confident they'd resolve their issues and his Mom's acceptance of her seemed of great importance to Meredith so he'd make sure they told her they were getting married in Venice.

"I don't have to ask her," he said kissing her lips lightly again, and walked over to pick up the bottle, "I'm sure she said it."

"You really are nosier than I am…" she smiled, as he picked up the note, "must be growing up with five women."

"We should open it…celebrate…" he said, pausing, "if you want…"

"Of course I want to celebrate…" she said, recognizing the hint of doubt.

"But…" he said, the word now taking a new lighter meaning, already by her side and handing her the note.

"You know me and drinking…"

"Uh huh…not much self control," he joked.

"We should celebrate Derek…we're getting married…" she said, emotions reflected in her eyes.

"We are," he said as he sat next to her and kissed her softly as she reached for his hand.

"And we can still talk…I mean… a few glasses of champagne…we can still talk," she added, doubts resurfacing, "please…"

"Meredith," he said…his voice broken, "I'm sorry… about tonight…"

"Derek…it's ok…we both do it, jump to conclusions… but we have to stop, tonight…we just have to stop, and I don't know how we do that."

"I was an ass," he said accepting the blame, "I told you I would not rush you."

"It's not about that, I also could have ended your misconception right away…I should have stopped you before things got so out of hand."

"Love," he said caressing her face lightly, "we both should have, we need to start learning to do this together."

"You agree…we're worth fighting for…" she asked him.

"We are…" he said.

"Derek…"

"Yes."

"We can't avoid this anymore."

"We're not…"

"Yes, we sort of are…let's just…start…at the beginning, like we said."

"The beginning…if I recall was …is celebrating that you said yes…"

"That you asked me finally…" she smiled.

"And forgot the ring…"

"And I said yes before you even asked…"

"Yes…let's start with celebrating…" he said and got up and she followed him, and stood by him as he picked up the bottle of champagne, drying off the moisture and water that had formed while it sat unattended in the silver bucket.

"Very nice…" she said, noting the renowned label, "but I'm more familiar with their yellow."

"Uhmmm…tempted to change your drinking habits…"

"I don't think I can afford to," she laughed.

"Uhmmm…we splurged," Derek told her, as he held the bottle in his hand, ready to pop the cork, as she read the note, one side of which said Compliments of Dottore Sloan.

"Derek, he is incorrigible."

"What does it say?"

"He wrote an email Derek, and they pasted it on here," she showed him as they both read.

"Make it worth my while…all the money & effort to find this bottle in time for your engagement celebration. But, only the best would do for the two of you…your new life together. It's been said, this truly speaks of romance and passion and seduction…"

"Kind of feel guilty…that we're not…"

"We're celebrating our engagement…the first day of our lifetime together…it's worth it Meredith…and …there will be many other times we will celebrate…"

"I love you Derek," she said simply and leaned up to kiss him.

"I love you too," he said, lightly nipping at her lips, then deepening the kiss briefly, leaving her wanting so much more, and then the familiar pop of the bottle brought magic to the night, and she held the flutes for him to fill, and when he put the bottle back in the silver ice bucket, she handed him a flute.

Time seemed to stand still as Meredith and Derek met the other's gaze, while their hands entwined voluntarily, their bodies merely inches apart, the reflection in their eyes the final acceptance of souls having found their mate, twin spirits finally joined for a lifetime and beyond.

Meredith tried to keep her voice from breaking as she spoke, her eyes never leaving his, "Once upon a time…was not part of my life growing up…but…still, part of me…as with every little girl…I believe longed for the possibility of it all…then…I found out…my life was not…"

"Meredith," he interrupted, not wanting sadness to overshadow this moment, raising his hand to cup her face and lightly caressed her cheek with the pad of his thumb.

"Let me…" she said, clearing her throat… "please…" she added as she turned her face slightly and kissed the open palm of his hand.

"Then, one day…you walked into my life…" she paused, "and made me want to believe again…"

"Meredith," he said, his eyes almost pleading for her to stop.

"And…tonight…I want you to know…you were right…to know you…meant that I would love you…and I do…you are my knight in shining armor…my prince charming… and even in fairy tales, Derek," she said, as the tears that had threatened to spill began the slow descent along her cheeks, "it's not a smooth road…to happily ever after…but we made it…and tonight…"

He didn't let her finish and put both their glasses down and reached for her and embraced her, murmuring in her ear, "I'm sorry…I'm so sorry, Meredith…I'm so sorry for all the times I've hurt you."

"This is not about being sorry…Derek," she said hugging him close to her, and pulling back to look at him, "I've hurt you too…but …Derek…our fairy tale…it's ours, uniquely ours…and tonight…that's what I want to drink to…to the life we will have together, that story…that once upon a time…that one day we will tell our children…"

Hi mouth swooped down to capture hers and their tears blended together and the salty combination of the two spoke of wounds that had begun to heal; broken hearts mending and souls rejoicing having found their mate for a lifetime. They broke apart as they both needed to catch their breath, and smiled as each wiped away the tears from the other's face, and he reached for both flutes again.

"To our story…a love of legends…" he said and they raised and clinked their glasses and heard the distinguishable sound of fine crystal chiming in the magic of the night.

"A love of legends," she said as they both brought their glasses to their lips and sipped, before she started to cry and he reached out to hold her.

"Hey…" he whispered, as he kissed the top of her head, "you can't cry."

"I'm happy…Derek…I am…that I'm going to be your wife."

"That doesn't usually go with tears…"

"It does…they're happy tears…they are…I promise" she said as she looked at him, and he saw and felt her vulnerability and the trust she was once again willing to place in him, and vowed that he would never let her down again, and kissed her. The taste on their lips of champagne, of passion waiting to be unleashed, of romance ready to be enjoyed and of lovers ready to be seduced.

"Meredith," he said later, "I promise, I will spend all of our lives loving you…making myself worthy of your love and trust again."

"You already are Derek…you were my knight even when I pushed you away…you saved me…you brought me back to life…and you've been my prince charming when I dared not believe."

"You saved me too…" he told her, "you saved me too."

"So…this is our new beginning…our new life…"

"You're happy," he questioned, their bodies slightly apart.

"Are you?"

"Yes," he said, but the word carried all his hopes and dreams.

"I love you…more each day…" she said, "though sometimes I don't think that's possible…but today…"

"I didn't mess up completely…" he said.

"You…made me believe in fairy tales tonight…every woman Derek, would believe, if they'd have the man they love say the words you did."

"Until…later…"

"And then," she looked at him seriously, but tenderly "having that man top the proposal by wanting to marry her now…not wanting to wait…."

"Uhmmm…" he said as he filled their glasses again.

"Derek…there's more to that…"

"I didn't mean to rush you, I just…I was happy and all of a sudden it felt like the perfect thing to say…the perfect moment…the romance of it all…here in Venice."

"It was…and I will always treasure tonight."

"But…"

"Hey, that is a banned word…remember," she smiled.

"Meredith…"

"Derek…right now…this moment…we're celebrating…we're getting our chance… we're here together…"

"We're getting married," he said incredulously, "you're going to marry me, here."

"I am…"

"You're sure…"

"Aren't you…Derek…I mean unless you want to wait…if you still have doubts, I understand."

"No…I have no doubts of wanting to spend my life with you," he said, as he kissed her softly.

"Neither do I…I just thought, we couldn't go blindly into this….we had to at least be aware of it Derek, that it may not be easy."

"I'll be right back," he said, and she decided avoidance would no longer work between them.

"Where are you going, Derek, you can't walk away from this conversation."

He laughed, "Meredith…I'm going to dump the water from this bucket…and you need to call room service and ask that they bring more ice."

"Oh."

"Yes, oh," he said as he turned and walked away with the bucket to dump the now melted ice in the bathroom sink, and she picked up the phone and called room service.

He walked out of the bathroom and stopped as he watched her naked body and the fluid movements as she stepped into her grey sweat pants and then unclasped her bra and put on a long sleeve shirt.

"You're watching me," she said softly, surprising him.

"You knew I was watching…you…tease…"

"I always know when you're watching me…did it work…" she smiled and suddenly felt her body pressed against his.

"Feel for yourself," he told her and nuzzled her placing kisses along her neck, "maybe I should have saved some of the ice water," he joked, "instead of a cold shower."

"Derek," she said as she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I told you…tonight…some of your favorite things," she murmured.

"When we're together again," he said, his eyes growing dark with lust, "I want to be able to bury myself inside of you…over and over…I don't want to have to stop."

"But…Derek…we can…I don't want to wait…tonight…we can celebrate."

"Tempting as it is…you heard Dr. Cameron…two days…he wants us to wait…and we'll wait…"

"Derek…" she said against his mouth, "it's Sunday…I'm not waiting beyond Tuesday…"

"I don't want to wait…you must know I don't," he said firmly pressed against her and she felt his growing erection, "but…we're not taking any chances with your health."

"It's just a precaution…he's being very conservative."

"Tuesday night…Meredith….we will celebrate…all night…"

"Oh…God…" she murmured against his lips.

"I'm going to change out of these clothes too," he said and handed her the empty ice bucket, and when he joined her again, she had her legs curled under her on the love seat in the sitting area, and had placed the bucket now filled with ice again and the bottle of champagne on the round table next to it.

"Join me," she said as she smiled.

"Tease," he laughed.

"I love you Derek," she said and was comforted by his laughter and then by his arms embracing her.

"You're wide awake, aren't you?"

"I am…that nap this afternoon."

"I told you."

"I'm sorry, I was really tired…"

"It's ok, I was tired too."

"So now…" she said with a soft sigh.

"Now…we talk."

"We talk," she agreed.

"Where do we start…" he asked.

"Tonight…our misunderstanding."

"I thought you wanted to talk about…"

"The day I drowned," she said, "yes…that is important, though I think we need to start with tonight."

"We jumped to conclusions."

"We did…and it got completely out of hand. Derek, there's a lot we need to talk about, and we have to be open…we have to face our issues…"

"I tell you," he joked, "you'll be rethinking your specialty soon."

"We…are too important to make light of this."

"I'm not making light of it Meredith, I'm actually very proud of you…unlike how I've behaved, you are the one making progress."

"Ok…you see… that has to stop…it's not a matter of blame…or being right or wrong…it's about understanding each other Derek…our fears…our hopes…how we make this work…"

"We will Meredith, we will make it work."

"We're going to say things, Derek…I'm sure…that may hurt the other…and we can't let that stop us…not anymore…we need to listen to each other…because…there are many things…so much I need to tell you, things that you may decide mean we should wait to get married."

"There is nothing…nothing…that would make me want to wait…I don't want to spend another minute without you…I want to fall asleep every night in your arms…and every morning when I open my eyes, it's you I want to see."

"We don't have to be married…we could be living together…if you want…"

"Nothing will change my commitment or my feelings for you. You are the love of my life…I don't want to wait to let the whole world know, that you too…feel the same way, that we both are in this…for a lifetime."

"Uhmm…marking your territory," she teased him.

"No… I don't want to have to be cautious or guarded about my feelings for you, I want to be able to look up and see you across the room and my stupid grin not cause gossip about us, I want everyone to know you're my wife…that we love each other and nothing is ever going to change that."

"So if I'm mad at you and yell at you… I can't just walk away…and have people talking about break up sex…"

"You could, I suppose still run away…there's always your house …and…Meredith…I'm sure there will be make up sex…through the years…but no break up sex…ever again."

"I can live with that," she said and kissed him and tasted the just sipped champagne on his lips.

"Ok," he said and pulled her back against him.

"Derek, tonight…I told you earlier, what happened we can't do this anymore, this constant mistrust and jumping to conclusions, second guessing the other' s meaning."

"I know that…how are we going to handle that…"

"Why do we do it…why are we always ready to think the worse?"

"Trust…" he said quietly, "we need to trust each other…no more doubts."

"I trust you Derek," she said as she felt herself turned to face him.

"I understand, that I did not let you finish what you wanted to say, but later…you said you'd made your decision…and you were ready to walk away."

She took a deep breath, "yes, I was, I couldn't continue the way we were."

"So, you didn't really want to say yes, to getting married in Venice?"

"No…I told you I'd made my decision, but that you had a choice to make, about what you wanted, because I knew…I knew I wanted to marry you…but you are the one going back and forth…every time things don't turn out the way you expect you take it back…you retreat."

"I do not."

"Yes, you do."

"You're not exactly forthcoming in," he started to say defensively.

"You see," she said, and brought her hand to his face and softly caressed him, "this is what we can't do, it's not about blame, it's about talking things through."

He sat quietly and she gave him the time he needed, without pressing him.

"You said, after tonight, there'd be no turning back…what if you'd walked away."

"That would only have happened if you had told me you were leaving tomorrow, I told you only you could push me away, in my heart I had already made my commitment to you when I said yes to your proposal, and when you asked…I honestly felt there was no reason to wait…as long as we talked, as long as I gave you the option to choose if you wanted to wait…after we talked."

"You don't trust my feelings for you…" he said, and she heard his fears, "you keep saying that I may want to walk away."

"You may…I'm dark and twisty…and my life has been shit, and I would understand…if you need to wait, till I go back…more therapy."

"I need for you to trust me Meredith, please…we can't do this…not without trust."

"I know…we can't," she said, and both had tears in their eyes, "you don't trust me either."

"You're wrong…I trust you…with my life."

"Then what happened tonight…why did you turn away from me…walk away, instead of fighting for us."

"You said…you didn't…"

"Derek…"

"I don't know…" he said in frustration.

"Yes…" she said and kissed him softly, "yes…you do."

"You don't know everything," he said.

"I know that…it's why we're here…talking," she said softly.

"You're treating me like a child," he said pouting.

"You're acting like a child…pouting…and brooding…beating yourself up…over things we can't change."

"You're sure…this talk…you want this talk for things to work out between us or drive us farther apart."

"Oh… you ass…." she said and smacked him, "lighten up Shepherd…before I have to call your Mother and have her knock some sense into you."

"Did you…seriously, just threaten to call my mother?"

"Yes…you moron."

"Wonders…never cease," he said with a smile on his face.

"Are you mocking me?"

"Not on your life…you just made me love you more…"

"Don't play games with me Shepherd."

"Don't play games with me Grey."

"I'm not."

"You would not call my mother," he teased.

"Want to bet," she said and gave him a look that left no doubt in his mind she was not kidding.

"I'll be damned."

"She'd be on my side you know," she said smugly.

"Yes…I believe she would be."

"Derek," she began her voice more serious, "we made promises…the last few weeks we made promises not to pull away, and tonight we failed miserably."

"I don't have any excuses. I'm sorry," he said and she sensed his detachment.

"Derek…please…don't …" she said softly, "I'm not blaming you. I take equal responsibility, but please don't shut me out. I'm trying…really trying…please…talk to me…tell me how you feel…how you felt."

"I'm sorry…"

"I don't want you to be sorry, I want for you not to shut me out."

"It was the first thing that came to my mind…when you said that…that we couldn't get married."

"So you hurt me instead by telling me…it was payback…"

"I thought you said it wasn't about placing blame?"

"It's not blame…but we need to talk about it…understand how we're hurting each other Derek…telling me you were going back and that the trip was paid for and I could stay, that hurt me."

"I thought I had lost you," he said quietly, "again," barely above a whisper.


	135. Chapter 135

**Ch 132 - Broken hearts mended - Part 2**

"Derek, you're not going to lose me…not unless you keep doing this… not if we're really serious…about spending a lifetime together. We can't keep hurting each other with words we don't mean and are only a reflection of our fears an insecurities Derek…we need to get them out…once and for all and learn how to deal with it…it won't be easy but we have to try, I want to try ….because losing you is not an option…living my life without you is not an option."

"It isn't for me either," he said and brought her close to him, holding her tight.

"Then, we need to work on this…we need to talk to each other…no more keeping things bottled up," she told him.

"You're right, and I know I shouldn't have let things get so out of control, maybe we just need to keep each other in check…right away…when we say things that hurt the other."

"Then that's what we'll do," she said and kissed him softly.

"You were right," he told her, "it is important for us to have this conversation, to start our life …our married life without unnecessary baggage."

"You think I'm baggage," she teased.

"Beautiful…exquisite baggage," he joked with her.

"Well…you're not necessarily a lightweight, you know," she teased back, but it did not have the same effect, and she noticed the slight hint of walls going up.

"I know."

"Derek…I'm teasing you…"

"Are you?"

"Yes, and I think tonight, it's about opening up and looking inside some of the contents we're carrying around…it doesn't mean we're getting rid of it…not until we're ready, or choose to get rid of some of it."

"Lots of analogies on this trip," he said, "animals…luggage…knights…and …"

"Legends…most important of all legends…"

"I love you Meredith."

"And I love you…and that legend…that once upon a time…it's priceless."

"That's what you are to me," he told her with a soft smile.

"I know, you've proven that to me, over and over."

"We've quite a story to tell…one day…"

"We do, we will…and it all started with this, one kiss…one night that changed our lives," she said, and kissed him.

"It was one second, for me, just one second…when I saw you…the first time…it changed my life."

"That's the editing part…what we can't tell our kids about."

"We'll find a way," he said and they lost themselves in the memory of that night between laughter and kisses, tender caresses and whispered memories as they sipped exquisite vintage champagne.

"Derek, I don't think I've told you how much I love my ring," she said as she held her hand out, "I'd probably have told you to get something smaller, but it's beautiful."

He held her left hand and admired the ring, "I couldn't get anything smaller, you have long slender hands, and anything smaller would just get lost."

"Are you saying my hands are too big," she teased him.

"I think you have beautiful hands…perfect hands…I would not want any other hands but yours…on me…"

"Who said something about being a tease…" she giggled.

"Gutter mind."

"Must be Mark's influence," she giggled as she held her flute to his lips for a drink.

"If he ever gets engaged we'll have to reciprocate."

"If he ever gets engaged, we'll get him two bottles of this reserve," she joked.

"Maybe we'll just put aside our cut of the betting pool," he joked and they both laughed and cuddled with each other.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm."

"Tonight…on the gondola, even Salvatore noticed you were sad…"

"Meredith…"

"You were Derek…and I know what you told me…but you've been …I don't know, a little distant since we left home…on the flight…especially when you spoke of your father…please, share that with me."

He took a deep breath, "it's…not that important…I told you…it had been a long time, since I had talked to him."

"Which makes it so very important," she said and caressed his face, feeling a day's growth of stubble, "I'm going to share many things with you…won't you trust me…with your feelings too."

He held her close to him for several minutes, his embrace transmitting his need of her before he spoke, "I used to talk to him all the time, when he was first gone…then…it just became a void in my life that I knew would never be filled again…"

His arms were wrapped around her and she snuggled closer to him as she held his hand and gently squeezed, allowing him the time to gather his thoughts.

"Then…as we got older, Mark and I as we became men…he was like my brother, someone I trusted, we talked…and in some ways, I felt as though if I had my Dad, we'd have talked about similar things…the three of us…but at least Mark and I had each other, that male connection that I'd been missing since my Dad was gone…and just as my Dad had left that void, Mark betrayed me…and there was the void in my life again."

"Oh…Derek…I'm sorry…I don't mean to bring up those bad memories…"

"It's ok," he whispered against her ear, "I think it's good…it's good to talk about it…so you see…why I don't have a lot of male friends, I've always known it was just me…I was on my own."

"We had that in common," she said, and he would later fully understand its meaning.

"But…now, you and Mark."

"We're ok now…we are…he's shown me he cares by how he's treated you."

"He loves you Derek."

"Yeah…I think he does."

"You love him too, or it would not have hurt so much…his betrayal."

"You're right…I was angry you know, for a long time…"

"But it's good right, that you and Mark are ok again."

"No…not with Mark…with my Dad…for abandoning us," he said, "I've never admitted that to anyone in my life."

"He didn't choose to Derek…he died, he had no control," she said turning around and faced him.

"Did you? Meredith, did you have no control?"

She gasped, "are you asking me…if I purposely gave up?"

"Yes."

"What do you think?"

"In my heart…I have to believe you wanted to live."

"I did," she said as her eyes filled with tears, "I did…for you."

"What does that mean?"

"What do you think it means Derek?"

"I don't know…and I want to understand…I do…I was so angry with you…at the same time I was scared I could lose you again, I was so angry with you…for giving up."

It was hard to hear him say that, but she knew it was the only way they would ever have a chance at healing, at confronting their issues and try to accept and understand the other's feelings.

"Is that what you told your dad? When we were flying here …and then…tonight, were you still angry with me?"

"Yes and no."

"Tell me."

"I know that bringing Addie up is not what we should be doing tonight, but you asked…and what I told my Dad was how ashamed I was of the way I'd acted. You know, he and Mom had taught me to be honorable and I'd failed…for many years I'd forgotten, and when I found you …instead of being honorable…I lied to you…I should have ended things with her before asking you to accept me on faith…I betrayed you, just like I'd been betrayed," he told her.

"I understood Derek, well, I understand now, not at the time, but I think you were trying to do the honorable thing trying to save your marriage, living up to your vows even though she'd broken them."

"You were my breath of fresh air, you saved me, and had I been honorable I'd have been honest with you from the start."

"We can't change that…maybe…just maybe all of that was supposed to happen for us to be here tonight."

"You're too forgiving."

"Would you prefer that I hold a grudge? It does not do any good Derek, I've had to learn that in my life."

"What do you mean?"

"Sometimes we have to do things…because of responsibilities…and loyalty, I understand."

"You're talking about your Mother," he said.

"I am."

"I hate what she did to you."

"She was my Mother. Derek she did the best she could."

"She did not…she didn't take care of you…till the end…she didn't…" he said with intense emotion.

"Please…don't hate her…I forgave her, I forgave her for everything," she said with resigned sigh.

They remained quiet for several minutes before she spoke again, "I don't think you told your dad you were angry with him, that was not the look on your face."

"No. I didn't."

"Am I going to have to pull teeth?"

"It's not easy …talking about this…"

"Tell me about it," she tried to joke, "you're dealing with the queen of avoidance."

"What did your friends say I was…the king of denial?" he laughed.

"Uh huh…that's us…" she smiled and kissed him softly, "that was us…"

"I told him I missed him…that I wish he could be proud of me…he and Mom, that Kathleen still talked to him and I hoped he was listening to me…"

"I'm sure he was Derek…I believe he was…" she reassured him.

"Mostly I told him about you…"

"Me…"

"How I had failed you…"

"Oh…Derek…no…."

"I asked him to pray for me…for us…because lately I realized how important it was to remember I could reach out…just as he and Mom told me and pray, and that a I hoped God would listen because I needed for Him to watch out for you…for you to heal…even if that means not being with you…"

"Derek…" she gasped.

"I need for you to be ok, Meredith," he said, " I can't live with the thought of you giving up again…of losing you…I told him I may not be enough for you…but if that's the case I only want you to be happy…I do…even if my life will never be the same again, even if I have to live my life alone with a void like him, that nothing or no one can ever replace…I need to know you are going to be ok," he said with a broken sob, "I told him…I needed his help in facing my fears…understanding all that I'm keeping inside…but I don't know how to deal with it…and that I can't live without you."

"Derek…you're not," she said, as she cried as well, "you're not going to lose me…I promise you….I didn't give up….I didn't… I came back for you," she said as they both held on to each other and cried out their greatest fear, that of losing the other until countless tears were spent.

"I love you, Meredith…you're what makes me whole…and I keep failing you."

"You have not…you have not failed me…Derek…we can't change the past…but since we've been together, Derek… these past weeks…when we made a commitment truly to each other, you have not failed me…"

"How can you say that…you weren't sure we were ready to be married."

"Derek Christopher," she glared at him, yet he saw the softness in her eyes, "you are not seriously going to go there again…not after all we've talked about tonight."

"No…no…I'm not, you're right, we jumped to stupid conclusions."

"Well, you did it first," she joked in an attempt to lighten the mood if only briefly.

"I guess I did," he agreed. "You knew…on the plane, that you wanted to talk about this, didn't you, even when you said yes, when I proposed, you were going to talk about this."

"Yes…I knew that this trip, we'd have to talk about it."

"Why?"

"I already told you, because nothing is more important to me than us, our relationship, making this work and I knew we could not put off this conversation any longer."

"It's a little embarrassing you know," he admitted.

"What is?" she smiled.

"That I'm supposed to be the older mature partner in this relationship…"

"Derek…" she smiled, "but…there's consensus…you're a bit brainless," she said catching him off guard, and they both laughed.

"The abuse heaped upon me…"

"Uh huh…"

"Meredith, do you really believe that my Dad…that he heard me?"

"Oh yes…just like I know they are watching over us…Derek…like Brianna, in my dream."

"You're going to have to tell Mom and Kathleen."

"I am…as soon as I see them."

"I love you Meredith…please show me…show me how I can be the man you can be proud of and trust again."

"I am already proud of you…and I have placed my trust in you…completely…saying yes…to your proposal…and yes…to us getting married in Venice…that is my answer to that."

"I don't deserve you."

"But I deserve you, my knight …" she giggled, "and Derek…we are meant to be together, don't ever forget it."

"I love you," he said again as his mouth found hers and their kiss was yet another layer was added to broken hearts continuing on their healing journey.

"Do you remember," she said quietly, as she was nestled in his arms, "the day…the morning…I got the call…about my mother?"

"I do," he said and she felt his body become rigid.

"What do you remember?"

"We'd come home the night before, had fast, hot sex…our clothes strewn all over the room, we couldn't wait to be with each other, and then…it was a sunny morning, we'd woken up and made love ever so slowly…and fallen asleep again, then we woke up wanting each other again…naked in each other's arms…and interrupted when the phone rang…and you left."

"I wish…so often… I wish I had not gotten that call…that she'd remained …that she'd never had that day being lucid," she murmured and he turned to face her, and he saw the tears in her eyes before she continued talking.

"I got to the nursing home," she said, as she bit her lower lip, and her voice cracked, "and actually…actually began to hope…that maybe…just maybe…I would have my mother again," she said and broke down, "that we could make up…for the years we lost…that she'd see what I'd accomplished and for once be proud of me."

"I wish…I wish I could take that pain away from you," he said as he simply held her.

"It was dumb and foolish…but I'd hoped…and she remembered our fight, but you know that already…and that I'd gone to Europe…but that was it…and then we had to take her to the hospital."

"You realize…your fight…some of the things she said…it was probably just a reflection of her disease, as it was starting…" he tried to appease.

"Yeah…I could have believed that…except …that day…she once again told me what she thought of me…"

"Meredith…she was sick…"

"No Derek. I've forgiven her, but I have not forgotten what she said, her words, because she meant them."

"She hurt you that day…and I hated her for it."

"So did I…and that was my last conversation with her…how she felt about me…and then…how I felt about her," she said as tears slipped down her cheeks.

"You did nothing wrong," he said, "listen to me…you were a better daughter then she deserved."

"She was my mother…Derek…and I tried…to take care of her, but even my mother, after all those years didn't love me, and I was still a disappointment."

"It was her loss, Meredith…that she didn't recognize what a very special woman you turned out to be. A woman any mother would be proud of."

"Except my mother," she said, "well and I'm not so sure Derek, that a lot of mothers would have been proud of a slutty…lusty intern, that used tequila and men to avoid the shit her life had been."

"Look at me," he said roughly, forcing her to look in his eyes.

"It's what I was…"

"You did what you had to do to survive, you survived her lack of affection and attention, you were a child left on her own…and look at what you've accomplished…and I am very proud of you…very proud and honored that you are willing to share my life."

"You see…my prince charming…ready to say the right things."

"I'm only speaking the truth."

"I wish…I had told you I loved you…I told her you know…but it was you I needed to tell."

"You told her…that you loved me?"

"Yeah…"

"You didn't tell me that…"

"No…only what she'd said to me."

"Talk to me…tell me about it," he asked.

"I told her I was happy, that I knew who I was and that having someone in my life that I loved…really loved…that made me happy…"

"You loved me…"

"I've loved you forever…" she said, and felt his lips on hers.

"I hated her for what she did to you that day…I knew she'd destroyed your spirit…I'm sorry…that I didn't take care of you…that I wasn't there for you."

"But you were…Derek…you were," she said and brought her hand to cup his face, "I just didn't…I didn't know how to handle…how to handle someone loving me, not after what she'd said…my own mother…all I was to her…was a disappointment…an ordinary…worthless daughter in her eyes."

"You," he said and held back his own tears, "are and have always been extraordinary…don't ever forget it…because…that is all I see when I look at you."

"Derek…that day…" she cried, "I wish…God…how I wish had never happened, it screwed me up…so bad…so much…and I almost …I almost lost you."

"But you didn't…and I didn't lose you…and now…from now on…Meredith…we will do this together."

"I went back…you know…and I argued with her, fought for her to have the surgery…I didn't want her death to be something I was responsible for…and then I went back…it was too late…I said all these things to her…and I meant them Derek, she was my mother…my mother that only felt disappointment…and I told her … I wanted another chance…for her to be better…for us to now each other.. Derek, I wanted her to be my mother…I didn't want her to die."

"I know that…Meredith… I know that…"

"Why Derek…why is it that no one…not one person that should have loved me…my mother…my father…why didn't they love me enough …"

"Because they were selfish, self absorbed individuals…that didn't bother to look at the beautiful gift they had been given…but…I love you….I love you more than life itself…and I promise you…I will spend the rest of my life making sure you know that."

"Why…why do you bother…" she cried, "when….they didn't… and you…you…I wasn't enough for you either…I understood Addison…but Rose…Derek…you asked Rose out after you said I was the love of your life…that same night Derek…that same night…am I an obligation…because…if I am…I can't…I can't be that for you, I'm sorry…I didn't want to bring that up again…but tonight…it's just…all those feelings…those insecurities are there…"

"You…are not an obligation to me…I thought you knew that by now…but…obviously I haven't…I haven't done enough to prove that to you."

"It's not that…I'm sorry…it's just…Derek…my mother…she told me…she said, she'd wished she'd never had me…"

"Oh good God," he blurted out, "no…Meredith…no…she did not mean that…I know she didn't…she couldn't mean that…she was sick…she didn't know…"

"She knew…she wanted Richard…I was in the way of her happiness…she meant it, and she was my mother…so I could understand…if you…if you wanted to wait…now."

"Listen to me…and pay close attention…memorize my words…" he begged her, "I am here…because you are what makes my life whole…what makes heart skip a beat when I see you…across a room…when you're in my presence…you are the woman that makes me believe in lifetimes and soul mates…and having children together…and wanting only to make your dreams come true…because my soul feels fulfilled when you are with me…even if you are just in my arms…my life feels complete…because I have never felt what I feel with you…because…now I believe God has not forgotten me…and he answered my prayers…when you found it in your heart to forgive me…and because…I believe deep in my heart…that you love me…and that gives my life hope…and makes me want to live and get up each day just so I can look in your eyes…and see that you…have found me…worthy to love…and you are a gift I did not deserve."

"We're quite a mess …together… but a mess… aren't we?"

"We are together, because we love each other…and everything else… we'll just find the way to fix it."

"You really believe that?"

"I know it without any doubts."

"Derek…I think I need something more to drink…" she said, and he smiled, silently acknowledging he too needed a drink to continue their conversation and filled her flute, and she added as if reading his mind, "to finish this conversation."

"Do you want to go to sleep…we can talk again tomorrow."

"No…Derek…I don't want to wait…it's been too long already. I want to put this behind us, once and for all. Please."

"That's what we'll do…" he said and kissed her forehead.

"Are you mad at me?"

"No…I love you…and I wish I could do…could have done something to take away your pain."

"You did…Derek…you were there for me that night…you understood."

"I didn't help…if I remember…by telling you…reinforcing…"

"You understood I'd had a terrible childhood…and you were right…and you kissed me…and it made the world right again…"

"But it wasn't enough Meredith…that night…it wasn't enough…because…" he paused taking a deep breath, "it wasn't enough…I didn't take care of you."

"You were enough…I didn't let you …I pushed you away…"

"She had destroyed you…I recognize that now…but I swear…I didn't …I had no idea how devastated you were that morning, but I should have…I should have been there…insisted you get the day off…and you wouldn't …you wouldn't have been there, near the water…" he said as he took several deep gulps of air..

"Nothing would have changed Derek…I don't think anything would have changed…"

"You would no have drowned, if I had insisted you take the day off… you would not have been anywhere near that ferry…near the water."

"Derek…that morning, I'm sorry…about the things I said…you …you were my knight…I should have let you rescue me."

"Oh…how I wish you had…" he said and hugged her.

"We can't go back…Derek…and now…now…I want to believe…in that happily ever after…even if I know…it's not like that all the time…I want to believe in those moments of happiness…as we build our life together."

"We will have that…and I'm sure that whatever life has in store for us…from now on…we will have our fairy tale Meredith…we will…we've already survived the worst…I believe that…I believe that with all my heart."

"The love of legends…" she told him, "you promised."

"I promised."

"Derek…I did not try to drown myself in the bathtub…or later…"


	136. Chapter 136

**Ch 132 - Broken hearts mended –Part 3 **

"I told Burke…that there was something wrong with you…but you wouldn't talk to me…he told me he and Cristina were engaged…and we joked that maybe neither of us would ever truly know the two of you."

"You spoke to Burke…he told you about the engagement?"

"Yeah…he wasn't supposed to…Cristina wanted to tell you first."

"Do you still feel that way?"

"What?"

"That you won't really know me?"

"No…not anymore…not after the last three weeks together…tonight…"

"I want you to know me Derek…all of me…"

"I want that too…and for you to know me."

"We're making good progress…aren't we?"

"Yes…yes we are," he assured her and brought her close to him and held her.

"You were probably right…I should have stayed…at the hospital that day, stayed with my mother…her last day…"

"Like you said," he murmured, stroking her hair, "we can't go back."

"Do you remember, that day…at the scene…the last time I saw you… "

"You were with a little girl that was lost…"

"I kept thinking…I was lost myself that day…"

"Why didn't you tell me…Meredith…that was the look I saw…I could not figure it out…but now…it all makes sense. We need to tell each other these things, and tonight…as painful as some memories are…you were right…we needed to talk…"

"I did…I needed to get all of these feelings…out…and tell you…and you need to talk to me too Derek."

"I am…I have…more than I've shared with many people…especially about my Dad…"

"We can do that…keep each other's secrets…"

"Yes…it helps…Meredith…sharing our secrets."

"I know…even when they're painful…"

"Even then," he said and kissed the top of her head.

"Derek…you asked me if I wanted to get married."

"I didn't know what was wrong…I though maybe…you weren't telling me."

"You didn't want to get married."

"I hadn't really thought about it…well, that's not true, I knew…I already knew I wanted to marry you…"

"You did?"

"I always knew that's what I wanted Meredith, it was only a matter of time."

"You did?"

"I did…but probably not that morning, not something I was thinking about."

"What if I had said…yes…"

"I'd probably have become one of your patients…in shock…"

"Ass," she said as she brought his hands closer around her.

"I'm getting used to that title, makes you wonder why you want to marry me," he joked.

"Well…I must say…you have a great ass," making him roar with laughter.

"I love you."

"Yeah…I seem to love you too," she said rolling her eyes.

"You seem to…" he said, tickling her… "uhmmm."

"Derek…do not…tickle me…" she warned, as she wiggled out of his arms, and stood in front of him. "I'll be right back," she said and walked to the bathroom.

"Meredith," he said, when she got back and joined him, "you have a great ass too."

"Well…what more do we need…" she laughed.

"Uhmmm…I can think of many other things…" he joked.

"So can I…but not tonight," she giggled.

"You're amazing, you know."

"I think you're biased."

"My opinion is really all that matters…I hope…"

"It is…" she said absently.

"What's going through your mind?"

"Now comes the hardest part…that day…when I fell in the water," she said and sat up straight next to him and looked in his eyes.

"How did you fall…"

"I was with the little girl, trying to get her to triage, when there was a man climbing up from the water…so I went to him, thinking she'd been taken by a police officer, but she wasn't...and she was there and she helped me find some instruments…I didn't want her to see all the blood but she helped me and I had stitched him up," and then…she paused…her breathing becoming uneven, " and then…he…I told him not to move…but he did…he was stronger than me…and…" her breathing labored, " and he…tried to get up…and he knocked me…knocked me into the water."

"Oh…oh…God...Meredith…ok…it's over…now breathe…you're ok…now…just breathe," he urged her and soothed her, as he himself was having difficulty breathing.

"I tried… Derek…I tried…" she said gasping for breath, "I swam… I did…"

"I know…I know…" he soothed her…reaching for her trying to comfort her.

"You don't believe me…"

"I do…I believe you…"

"No…you thought I gave up…that I just gave up…"

"I could not understand…how…how you didn't swim," he admitted.

"I did…I did try to swim…and fought to swim and then, the water was cold…so cold…" she said and shuddered, remembering, "and then…just…just for one second…I stopped…I did…and I'm sorry…I'm sorry…just seconds…and then…I couldn't …I couldn't swim."

"Why…why for that second…did you give up?" he asked, this was their moment of truth, this conversation, and the moment of truth for them both.

"Suddenly, I thought…back to that one day she was lucid...one day...and I told her I was happy, that I loved you...and she...all she could think of was that I had let her down, that I was ordinary, and I didn't want to be that, ordinary, and I thought what was the use…" she looked at him with tears of regret in her eyes.

"I was there…there was us to fight for…"

"I know…that's why I came back…for you…"

"You keep saying that."

"It's the truth."

"Tell me."

"I will…but how did you find me."

"Bailey asked about you…and I started looking for you, I hadn't seen you in a while, and I came across the little girl…and I asked her about you, she wouldn't speak…but finally she took me to the water and pointed," he said, and took a deep breath, "and my worst fear materialized…I knew you were there and I couldn't see you."

"You rescued me, just as you'd wanted to do that morning."

"I held you in my arms, lifeless, blue…cold as ice…" he told her, "and I thought my life was over."

"But you didn't give up on me…"

"I couldn't give up…it would have been giving up my life as well."

"Tell me…please…what happened…"

"No…there's no reason to bring all of that up again…you don't need to go through that."

"Derek…" she said, and leaned over to kiss him softly, "I do need to know…I want to understand what you went through…just as you'll hear what happened to me."

"What…what does that mean…"

"Tell me…what happened…how long did you do CPR…"

"Meredith…" he protested.

"Derek…this is the last time…the last time we have to do this…but we owe it to each other…to understand what we both experienced that day."

"We …" he started, "we got you in the ambulance…I did CPR…and nothing…you were…" he paused, the first of many pauses as he began to tell her the story, "and then…when you were in the room, they threw me out…they wouldn't let me be there, and I had my hand on your forehead…and you were so cold…and they forced me to leave…and I thought…" he said and broke down, "I thought I would never see you alive again."

"Oh…Derek…" she said in a sob, "I'm sorry…so sorry I put you through that, but it wasn't intentional…it wasn't…I fell in the water and I did give up…seconds…and then I couldn't …couldn't swim."

"It's ok…it's ok…" he said as he reached out to hold her and let her cry, as he released his own tears of anguish of months gone by.

"No…it's not…I never should have given up…I had you…you were always enough."

"You said you came back…what does that mean."

"Finish telling me about you …first…because I know…I know…you have not gotten over that, and I need you to tell me," she insisted.

"I sat outside your room, useless, unable to do anything to help…my life was slipping away from me…and I couldn't do anything…" he started and related all he felt that day, Mark sitting with him, how that was the first step in them regaining their friendship, the time spent with her mother…she already knew, but they talked about it again and his conversation with Addie where he had realized he had failed her, not recognizing the sings of her emotional state, and later he and Addie had spoken and she had told him, he was lucky that he'd found Meredith, that they'd never had what he felt for Meredith.

"Derek there was nothing you could do…it was just hours…you had been there for me the night before…and that day…none of us could have predicted."

"I was supposed to keep you safe."

"You saved me, Derek, you breathed for me…you were responsible for them being able to bring me back to life…those first moments…you know are critical…and you were there."

"I should have done more…that morning."

"We can't go back…we agreed."

"Yes."

"Derek…maybe…just maybe…Addie won't be the wicked wicked witch of the east."

"Really," he tried to smile.

"Yeah…if she got that about us…how we loved each other…maybe she'll only be the wicked witch," and made him smile, a genuine smile this time, as she held his hand.

"That was the first time I prayed…that day…in a long time…I sat with this man in the waiting room, his wife had been injured and he asked me…and I told him my girlfriend was injured too, and he asked your name and said he would have you in his prayers. And I began to pray…like I'd never prayed in my entire life."

"He answered your prayers."

"He did," he said, emotion making his voice catch as swallowed hard.

"Derek…thank you…I don't think I've ever said that…"

"For what?"

"For trying to save my mother's life."

"I hated what she'd done to you…and was in her room, and screamed at her, blamed her for what was happening to you…that if anything happened it was on her."

"You yelled at my mother…did she react," she said suddenly finding it funny.

"You're laughing?"

"I'm nervous…I'm sorry…it's not the right reaction, but this …it's a lot Derek…we both could have died that day."

"Technically you both did," he said.

"Yes…yes we did," she acknowledged.

"You have not said much, I've been doing all the talking," he said, as he kissed her softly.

"I will…"

"I've told you everything…everything that happened while you were…while they worked on you."

"My turn."

"Your turn."

"Derek…you can't make fun of me…"

"Meredith…you died…you drowned…flat lined…how can I make fun of that."

"It's hard…hard for me to talk about it…but you need to know…I'm not sure what it was…maybe only a dream…but…it was real Derek, very real, frighteningly real," she said, "I died Derek…I don't know how long…I was gone…but I was gone."

"Oh…my God…" he said and began to have trouble breathing.

"Derek…look at me…look at me…I'm here…I'm ok…it's in the past…I'm here…telling you the story, breathe for me…take a deep breath… Derek…look in my eyes…I'm here," she kept saying until he calmed down.

"You were dead," he said, "and they kept me away…when you came back…they kept me away, even then I failed you," he cupped her face in his hands as tears fell, "and I knew…you could swim…and you didn't…and I couldn't live with myself that I had not done something more…that I had let you pull away."

"You did try…I didn't let you….and you have to stop…you are not to blame for what happened."

"They kept me away from you…you'd survived and they didn't tell me," he said and she rested her forehead on his, and then kissed him, a longing loving kiss.

"Well…we need to take that up…with whoever decided to keep you away, and have them give us an explanation…because…you were the first person I wanted to see, and stop it with this failing me crap…ok…"

"I think…it was Bailey…she wasn't sure…wasn't sure what condition you were in."

"Well…maybe we won't question her."

"Afraid of her?"

"You haven't questioned her," she teased.

"Well…she wasn't willing to hear my rant…she just walked away and called me an ungrateful stupid man that couldn't see the truth if it hit me in the face."

"She called in my favor…"

"What?"

"She had me work the clinic one day…invoked the day she saved my life and all," she joked with him.

"So…what happened…"

"This is not easy for me…ok…" she said, "so…I'm not sure…how I'm going to manage to tell you without…and my hormones are not helping Derek…this is a bit emotional for me."

"Hey…" he said and held her close to him, "you don't have to tell me now…we can wait," he assured her, thinking maybe it was more for him than for her in some aspects, as he didn't know how he would handle whatever it was she felt so strongly about.

"I felt myself gasping for air," she started, "it was horrible…and painful…that I remember," she said, "and then I was sitting on a gurney staring at Denny and Dylan."

"You were what?"

"Derek…"

"I'm sorry…"

"They said it was my afterlife," she began again, and recounted each of the details and the conversations as vividly as the day it happened, and told him about Liz Fallon and Bonnie and Doc, and both intermittently held on to each other as the emotions overwhelmed them.

"They said it wasn't heaven, that I'd called them there…wherever it was…and then…Denny …I told him I fought and I did…Derek, but it was hard…and cold…and he accepted it, but then he asked me about the tub."

"He saw you in the tub," Derek interrupted her.

"That's what I said."

"Are you serious?"

"About the tub?"

"Yes…what did he say…"

"That they knew things…and they accused me of having little respect for life, but that is not true Derek…that is not true…even there I was trying to help…be a doctor…I don't disregard life…I don't…you have to believe that…and you know, because…even…even with our baby…Derek…even with our baby…that we couldn't even recognize…as a baby yet…I loved her…she was precious to me…Derek…you know that…and I told you…I'd never…I'd never consider…"

"Shush…" he murmured as he held her, "I know that…I do…I know that…and Brianna, she knows that too."

"I loved her Derek…even if she was too tiny…to even look like a baby…I loved her…she was ours…and I loved her."

"She knows that…she told you…remember….she told you…"

"Do you think I'm crazy?"

"No…no I don't…I don't think you're crazy at all…I wish I'd known this…much sooner, we could have worked through things differently, and you were right when you said I didn't ask…and I should have…I should have asked and we should have talked about this months ago…"

"He told me all the reasons I had to come back…but only one…only one mattered to me," she said, a she looked into his eyes, "he said if I didn't come back I would change who you were, that you were still an optimist…that you believed in true love and magic and soul mates…that you were waiting for me, and I knew…all my issues, I told them…my intimacy issue were so stupid…and I had to come back…it wasn't enough Derek…we hadn't had enough time…and he told me all we got…of the people we loved were just moments…moments of their presence if were we're lucky…and it wasn't enough…just a whiff…a whiff of you wasn't enough Derek…I wanted a lifetime…and then I came back and I was stupid…and I didn't talk about it…and I pushed you away…and we almost lost everything…all of it when I had come back…just for you…Derek…just for you," she cried softly.

He held on to her reassuring her, whispering endearments, telling her he loved her until her tears had stopped. "Meredith…I love you," he said again, waiting for her to respond, as she had not said anything for a long period of time.

"I love you too, Derek…I did…I did come back for you…please don't doubt it…I never would have purposely left you…I promise…it was just a second that I gave up…but…you never have to worry about that again…like I told Kathleen…and I wanted you to know that…all of this, before we got married."

"Hey…are you going to try to back out of this now…because I'm not going to let you."

"I'm not…not if you still want me…I'm not."

"If I still want you…"

"I wanted you to have a choice."

"He was right…Denny was right…if I'd lost you…my life would have lost all meaning."

"You saved me…you breathed for me…you…the need for you brought me back to life."

"And now…we're here…and there's not turning back…we got our second chance…and we've a lifetime of new memories…new memories to add to those that we will never forget."

"Do you trust me?"

"Yes…I do…and I'm in this…in this forever."

"So am I Derek…so am I,' she said and lost herself in his embrace and his kisses, and then lay in his arms.

"Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"There's one more thing."

"Ok."

"While I was there…in that place…talking to Denny, they weren't sure if it was too late for me to come back…I told him I had to get back…and I saw my Mom dressed in blue scrubs…she would have liked that."

"You saw your Mom."

"She was walking down the hall, and I stepped in to the hallway and called out to her, and she said I shouldn't be there, and I told her she shouldn't either…and she just…"

she paused, and he let her cry at the memory as he held her. "She said, just keep going. Don't be a dam, and she hugged me Derek, for the first time ever that I could remember she hugged me, and she was already gone…and I hugged her…and it felt like my mother loved me for the first time…and then she was gone…"

"Meredith...I'm sorry…so sorry…I wish she had been different for you…I'm sorry."

"I know…but…at least I got to say goodbye Derek…I don't know what it was…a dream…or the afterlife…or whatever it was…I got to say good bye, and she said…" she stopped as tears continued to fall, "she said, you are...you are anything but ordinary, Meredith…she said that Derek…and maybe…maybe she believed that…do you think…she did? Do you think she changed her mind?

"I'm sure she changed her mind…because at that moment, I know she recognized she had an extraordinary daughter, and now even more then ever…I know your dream, Brianna's dream…that message…from your Mom, she loves you ...she always did."

"Thank you…for not thinking I'm crazy."

"You are far from crazy…you've been given two beautiful gifts…very spiritual gifts…saying goodbye to your mother…and our baby…those were very special gifts."

"And then, the last thing she said was, Now run! Run! and I did…I saw myself running through the halls and suddenly I felt like I was back in my body again."

"That's how you knew…when I walked in your room, that she was gone…"

"That's how I knew," she said and snuggled up to him.

"Do you want to lay down…you have to be tired…it's been a long day for you."

"No….I want to finish this…I don't want to have to go through it all like this again, I mean we can talk about it, you can ask me about it …anytime…I'll talk to you about it…but…let's just finish…tonight…I want to go to bed with all of this, the conversation behind us."

"Ok," he said, not sure what more there could be that she wanted to say.

"Derek…I have to know…and I won't bring it up again…but now…"

"But…"

"Derek, you saved me…and I know you love me…I do…but you pushed me away…you began to pull away from me…you wouldn't answer my calls and then when I tried to get close to you, you pushed me away…you told me you didn't' want to breath for me…I need to know…will you feel that way again, because you never tried to pull me back in…you let me walk away, when I was most vulnerable…you let me walk away, even when I told you…something had happened to me…while I'd drowned, that I wanted to be better…you let me walk away."

He felt like he had been slapped, deservedly so, but the truth of her words wrapped themselves around his heart causing unbearable guilt and pain, keeping him from uttering a single word. The silence hung in the air, thick and heavy as the doubts began to rise as rapidly as the waters of an overflowing river, threatening to drag all signs of life with its life threatening current.

"Don't say anything," she said, reverting to the old familiar feelings of rejection, "I understand, this is why I wanted you to have the opportunity to hear what I had to say," and began to get up but he held her with a vice grip, keeping her at his side.

"You…you have made me feel unworthy and you have made me understand in one paragraph, all that I have to feel ashamed about, all of the actions that have been dishonorable…all of the times I have acted like a coward, instead of acting like the man that had found the love of his life, and would do anything to fight for her, to keep her safe and happy. You have brought to light all the reason I don't deserve you, and should have begged for your forgiveness all those months ago."

"That is not why I said those things to you…I just want to know if you are sure you want to take this on…I'm going to try…I'm trying to trust you …and I am…and I'm going to go to therapy…and try to get healed…but…you …I need to know if you want to be there…because I don't know what it all entails."

"I know that you are far too kind and loyal and forgiving, and I truly do not deserve you. But, Meredith, I am not willing to let you go…I will do all I can to redeem myself in your eyes, because all the tings you've said…they were the actions of a coward…who instead of fighting for my love for you…I gave up…I allowed my fear of losing you to override everything else…because for months after you drowned, my life had no direction, I lay at night in fear of you leaving me again…in fear that there had been damage that we had overlooked and you would stop breathing, and the meaning of my life would cease to exist…so instead of talking to you…I pulled away…and that distance brought us further apart…and I am deeply deeply sorry and ashamed."

"You spent months feeling that way…" she whispered quietly.

"Yes."

"Why didn't you tell me?"

He laughed softly, "Meredith…why don't we talk?"

"You have a point…"

"Losing you…the fear of it paralyzed so much of what I felt and did…and I couldn't tell you, I couldn't let you know…like the time…I couldn't put that on you."

"The chief's position….your interview," she said thinking back to various incidents, and realization dawning, "it was because of me…the reason it didn't go well…it was because of me."

"No…it was because of me…because of my cowardliness and immaturity."

"Derek…you deserved to have that…I remember it now…I had to be responsible, if you did not get chief."

"Listen…to me. You were not responsible. I got chief, and I turned it down."

"You did?"

"The day of Cristina's wedding, Richard offered me that position."

"He did…but…"

"I turned it down."

"Why…it's what you wanted."

"No, Meredith…I wanted it all…but most of all, I needed to work on my mistakes…and that meant not taking that position."

"Was I one of your mistakes?"

"No…you were the light at the end of the tunnel…my lifeline…the love of my life."

"But…we broke up…."

"We broke up…"

"And now…"

"Derek…before we make a decision…before you make up your mind… my mother…her words…telling me I was ordinary devastated me, because ever since I was little she told me to be extraordinary, and when she said that I knew I had failed. She was this talented extraordinary surgeon...and I had not been enough ... not for her, not for anyone...but now…I want you to know…I want to be extraordinary...not because of her...but because of me...because of you...because of the children we may have one day."

"You are already extraordinary…"

"I know…that you have fears…about me…drowning…about me…giving up again…"

"Meredith…"

"You have to let me finish…because…this…this defines who I am…and I am not a quitter…that day…the circumstances…all caught up with me…but I would never ever willingly leave you…you can count on that for the rest of our lives…I would not ever willingly leave you and our kids. I need to know you trust me, that you don't doubt me."

"I do trust you…after all we've been through…after today…I trust you…just like I need for you to trust me…and Meredith…we've made promises…and that's one thing we need to live up to…we cannot let each other pull away…this has to be the last time, the last time we need to have this conversation. Because, there will be times…we'll feel like pulling away…and fears keep creeping back in and our insecurities take hold and we will want to avoid dealing with our issues, but we have to hold each other to our promises."

She took a deep breath before she answered him, "Derek, when I was a kid my mother tried to kill herself," she said and watched the look of shock on his face, "we were at home and she took a scalpel and sliced her wrists in front," and the look turned to horror, "and I sat on the kitchen floor in a pool of her blood waiting for her to pass out so I could call 911…" she paused as she felt herself embraced by him.

"Oh my God…oh my God…Meredith…" he repeated. "You were a little girl…just a little girl…" he kept saying, as he held onto her and she felt the warmth of his tears on her cheek and on her neck, and for the first time in her life, she had someone that cried for her pain and understood the hell she'd overcome to become an extraordinary woman.

"Do you…do you understand…why…why I would never to that…why I'd never hurt my children or the man…the man I love above all else…why I'd never willingly have left you."

"Yes…yes…I'm sorry…so sorry. Who took care of you…you were a kid…who took care of you…" he asked, and she sat, cuddled in his arms as she told him in detail what had happened, until both were emotionally spent.

"Derek…we need to get some rest…let's go to bed."

"You have one more promise to make me…" he said looking deeply into her eyes.

"What?"

"No more secrets…no more holding back…whatever it is…we share it…no more fine…no more avoiding…we talk…we share our lives."

"You have my word."

"You have mine," he said and kissed her softly, and they held each other for a few minutes more in complete and utter silence.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Do you want to get married in Venice?"

"I thought you'd never ask," and finally after hours of heartbreaking memories and painful discoveries their carefree laughter echoed through the room.

They walked to the bed, physically and emotionally exhausted and lay lay nestled in each others embrace, exchanging kisses filled with tenderness and spoke of promises to be fulfilled and the passion waiting patiently to be unleashed.

The end of their day came to a close at nearly three in the morning, weeks after a new dawn had brought the beginning of a painful road of self discovery, doubts and often times despair. Then, Meredith and Derek dreaded the dawn of a new day. Each had been unaware, that the feeling of hopelessness would pass, that it had been merely a moment in time, a painful and sad moment in time that had lead them down the path to rediscovering each other, to the beginning of a life filled with unexpected revelations, pleasures, trust and hope that would cement and nurture their relationship for a lifetime.

As the Venetian dawn drew near, Derek knew without any doubts, he had been given another chance to regain her trust, to win her back, to prove to her he loved her, because all the other options had been unacceptable. They had figured it out, they had found the way to stop it all from continuing the spiral downfall that seemed inevitable over three weeks before. Each had discovered life without each other wasn't living; it was a mere existence neither was willing to endure.

Derek held her, awake long after she had fallen asleep, his heart breaking over the pain she'd suffered and vowing to make up for all the love that had been lacking in her life, but filled with wonder over the woman he loved, her compassion and loyalty to her mother, and if it was even possible, tonight he loved her even more.

He waited until he was certain she was asleep, the familiar snoring bringing a smile to his face, and he slowly got out of bed and reached for his phone and made two phone calls, determined she would never feel the void or absence of a family again.


	137. Chapter 137

**Ch 133 – Venetian wedding frenzy **

"Derek, is everything ok…" a concerned voice asked from across the miles, "I can hardly hear you."

"I'm trying not to wake up Meredith," he said quietly from the other end of the room.

"Dear, isn't it the middle of the night there, is everything all right? Is Meredith ok?"

"Mom," he said as she heard the emotion in his voice, "I'm getting married."

"I know Derek, the ring is beautiful. It was wonderful you thought to send a picture with it on her finger, because…well," she teased him, "not sure how many of her friends would believe it otherwise."

He chuckled quietly, "I guess I deserved that."

"Derek, I cannot believe you have kept that girl dangling, and you better get rid of the word but from your vocabulary."

"That's what we're both thinking," she chuckled lightly.

"Are you sure there's nothing wrong, you are calling me in the middle of the night."

"I'm getting married Mom."

"Yes, dear I know," she said as she smiled at the anticipation she heard in her son's voice.

"No Mom, I mean, we're getting married now, here, in Venice."

"You're what?"

"We're getting married here. I asked her and she said yes, and we're getting married and I want you to be here."

"You want me to be there, but that…"

"Mom," he said interrupting her, "please, it would mean so much to me and I have to do this for her, she's never had a family that cared about her, and I can't let her get married without family, please Mom."

"Derek, I'm not saying no, I was going to say…if you had let me finish…"

"You put a but in there."

"Yes, I did, but what I was going to say is… that means I have to start planning this right now, and I needed to know how fast this is going to happen, and make reservations, and you really need to stop jumping to conclusions."

"Mom," he laughed, "I love you."

"I love you too dear, now … fill me in."

"Mom, it's Sunday, aren't the girls there?"

"They're all at a game and should be here shortly, I'm here with two of the little ones."

"I want Kathleen to be here, I want her to come with you, and Mom I'm taking care of everything, all the expenses."

"Derek, that's not necessary… Meredith doesn't know does she?"

"She's sleeping Mom, I can't wait for you to meet her and please…I know you've been making her feel very welcome, but Mom…tonight, I thought she'd had a shit life…and then tonight we talked a lot…Mom…she's had no one, her Mother was never there for her, and she was the most loyal and caring daughter when that bitch didn't deserve it."

"Derek Christopher," she said raising her voice, "you do not speak ill of the dead."

"Mom, she was horrible…she broke her spirit…" he said as emotions got the best of him, "and to the end Mom…to the end she was loyal, and I wasn't there for her."

"Listen to me, you and I are going to have a very long conversation…because I keep hearing bits and pieces and I want to understand Derek…and from what Meredith tells me…the two of you have been through a very rough time and she speaks of this sadness in her heart…but I don't understand Derek…and I want to help, and I have meant it when I've told her I want to be there to just hug her…and you…"

"She needs that Mom…and tonight…tonight," he said taking a deep breath, "I thought I understood what her childhood had been like…but Mom…she had no one, emotionally she was on her own…and I can't…I can't allow for her to be married without family around her."

"Derek…I will be there, but have you thought about how Meredith might feel about that, I know that she asked me to come visit you, but this is very soon dear, are you sure she won't mind having …"

"Mom, she's been worried that we had to tell you first…she called you from New York to tell you I was going to propose, she wanted to make sure you heard from us first…Mom, she's looking for acceptance the only way she knows how…and I can give her this…I can have her family…around her."

"Derek, Kathleen and I are hardly a family…it's just two of us."

"You are my family…and she is very close to Kathleen and I know it will be very special to her, and Mom…it won't just be you…" he said and told her of his plans.

"I'm am very proud of you Derek, and I will make sure we are on a flight tomorrow night…Kathleen should be here shortly and we will make all the arrangements and coordinate with everyone."

"Mom, tell Kathleen she should consider this a fourth or fifth honeymoon," he laughed, "since they've already had a second…and all three of you, it's my treat."

"I've got to tell your sisters, you realize that?"

"Of course…I can already hear the buzz around the dinner table tonight, and Mom tell Nancy to lay off her sarcasm."

"You leave that girl to me…"

"Mom," he said a bit serious again, "Meredith, she needs you…I know she doesn't even realize this because she never had the nurturing and caring love of a mother, but Mom, she does…and she has been through a very sad time…and please…be gentle with her."

"Derek…what is wrong, honey, you keep saying this…and are you sure Derek that nothing is wrong with either of you…neither of you is sick, this is not why you're getting married, oh my God…Derek, is one of you sick and this is why you're rushing this wedding?"

He chuckled lightly, "Mom, you are as bad as we were tonight, jumping to conclusions. I promise you, neither of us is sick. Suddenly it just made sense for us to be together, we know we want to spend our life together and there's no reason to wait."

"Ok…but if you're…"

"Mom, I love her…I adore her…I don't want to spend another day without her…and I want her to be my wife, and this…getting married here, it's special to us…there's a lot of special meaning to both of us. A tale to tell our children," he finished smiling.

"So…I can expect grandchildren…"

"Yes Mom, not right away," he said and she detected a recent and familiar sadness in his voice, "but yes…you can."

"Derek…"

"Mom…we'll catch up when you're here…I promise…I know…I know Meredith will want to talk to you…she told you she would…when she saw you."

"All right dear, we will see you in a couple of days…

He could hear a familiar voice in the background, "Mom, who are you talking to, where are you going?"

"Oh, wait, here is Kathleen, she's apparently heard part of my conversation…seems I did not teach you kids not to eavesdrop," she laughed, "and she wants to talk to you, because she obviously wants to know what we've been talking about."

"I love you Mom. I'll see you on Tuesday."

"I love you too dear, here's your sister."

"Derek, what is going on, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong…" he smiled, "but remember…at the airport, you asked me if I got those feelings…"

"Oh my God…I said I had the feeling we'd see each other soon and that I'd need my passport, I was sort of joking about the passport, but…it's true…Mom, that's what she was talking about…she's meeting you in Venice," she paused briefly, "you're getting married," she said in a loud excited voice, "and I going to see you…I'm going to be there…well I'm not traveling alone, not to such a romantic destination…you're getting married, and where's Meredith, is she happy…she agreed Derek…this is huge…"

"God help me," he laughed, "I'm going to have the three ramblers together again," and continued talking to Kathleen for several minutes as they spoke of the arrangements before he disconnected and dialed another number.

"Why the hell are you whispering," a mocking voice taunted and laughed, "Shep, still not getting any sex, do you have any idea what that bottle cost?"

"I don't want Meredith to hear me."

"It's what, four in the morning there…what the hell are you calling me for? Unless you're finally admitting you need sex tips from the master."

"Don't be an ass Mark, we don't have a lot of time here."

"What's going on? Everything with Grey ok?"

"Yes. Mark, I'm getting married," he said quietly from the far side of the room as he quietly opened the door to the balcony and immediately felt the forty degree temperatures. "Shit it's freezing out here."

"Where the hell are you?"

"Standing on the balcony so Meredith can't hear me."

"Shep, she's not supposed to be sleeping, after drinking that bottle of champagne…you should have been…"

"Mark, shut up and listen, I'm getting married…"

"We know Shep, we all got the text and email. Nice ring by the way, not worth quite as much as two months of your salary, but not bad," he laughed.

"Mark," he said as his friend heard the excitement in his voice, "we're getting married in Venice."

"What?" Mark repeated incredulously. "Grey agreed to marry you…there…on the spot…"

"She did."

"I don't believe you. No way my fellow Dirty Mistress is ready for that…"

"Stop calling her that. Yeah, she agreed…we're getting married, in two days."

"You're fucking serious."

"I am, and I want this to be very special for her, I want you to help me surprise her."

"She's shocked the hell out of me by the fact she agreed to this, but how are you going to surprise her?"

"I just got off the phone with Mom and Kathleen they're flying out to meet us."

"Derek…this is Meredith Grey we're talking about, she agreed to marry you, that's a pretty big deal, and now you're going to spring a mother in law she hasn't met on her."

"Listen…she's going to be fine with it, Mark she's never had a family, she has no idea what a Mother's affection is like and she needs that…I want to give her a wedding she'll remember…something special just for her, so I need for you to make this happen."

"Shit, Shep I was supposed to be your best man, you can't get married without me. I'm halfway across the world Shep, have you forgotten your geography."

"No smart ass. I want you to be here, that's why I'm calling you."

"You want me to be your best man in two days…"

"You should not have a problem…but here's the thing, I want to make sure we have time for a few days, our honeymoon, so you need to be on a flight tomorrow morning."

"What…tomorrow morning…I can't just pick up and go."

"Cut the crap Mark, you can…please…make it happen, tomorrow, same flight as we took over here gets you to New York," he said and told him of his plans, "so you'll meet up with Mom and Kathleen on the flight from New York to Venice."

"I'll be there," Mark said, "you sure about this…Grey's not going to back out…once she realizes what she said yes to…before the champagne…"

"Mark…we're not backing out…this is it…for us both."

"Ok…then…let me make reservations."

"Mark…" Derek said, "there's more."

"More what?"

"I need you to make sure Lexie and Cristina come with you," Derek said and heard Mark's diverse choice of expletives.

"Have you lost your fucking mind? You want me to get Lexie and Cristina there, an intern and a resident off the schedule four days to fly to Venice to attend a wedding…Shep are you on drugs?"

"Mark, I need to make this happen for her…Cristina is her person…and Lexie and she have become very close, and I am sure this is something that will mean a lot to her. She agreed for us to get married, but I know that to have all of you here will make this a very special moment…more than it already is."

"Are you sure you don't want me to bring the rest of the frat house roommates, Bailey…the Chief…nurses…" Mark asked sarcastically.

"Mark, you can do this…tell Bailey and the Chief…I'll make it up to them…I will…but I need to do this for Meredith…she deserves to have those closest to her at her wedding."

"You are really pushing your luck Shep, I don't know that I can pull this off."

"Mark…you can…I'll call them…but, I need you to set it all up, make the arrangements for their tickets…that's it, everything else I'll take care of here. Mark, please…I owe her…all the times I screwed up…and…she's never had a family Mark. Her Mother, she…was never there for her…I owe her this, I owe her the hope of a fairy tale…for once in her life," he said and Mark heard the emotion filled voice of his brother, the man he knew would never loved anyone as he loved Meredith Grey.

"Shep…. I'll take care of it. Now, get out of the cold and get some sleep. I'll email you the arrangements."

"Mark…"

"Yeah…"

"Thank you."

"I'm your best man, consider it my wedding gift … to my brother, and my new sister."

"Good night Mark…thanks again …and oh…it's a surprise, she doesn't know anything."

"Shep…you realize I'm going to make a killing with this…" he laughed.

"Don't forget Meredith and I get part of the earnings," he chuckled.

"Yeah…yeah…I'll see you on Tuesday, and do me proud Shep…get laid," Mark told him laughing and disconnected the call before Derek could respond.

Derek shivered as he remained standing in the balcony for a few more minutes, the deep blue of the Venetian sky a reminder it was truly darkest before dawn, but the partially illuminated sliver of a new waxing moon brought a smile to his lips, the moon signaling a new beginning just as their new life together.

Meredith was sleeping soundly, her face buried in the pillow, her body half turned and the light familiar snoring filling the air. Derek approached the bed and stood watching her, and his heart skipped a beat as he saw the serene and peaceful expression of her face. He slid in next to her and reached for her gently and she molded her body to his instinctively.

"Uhmmm…" she said after a few minutes, "your feet are freezing…"

"Sorry…" he said cuddling her close and keeping his feet away from her while they warmed up, and kissed the side of her neck as he gave in to sleep nearly at five in the morning.

"Meredith…" she heard his voice, a whisper upon her lips, "good morning."

"Uhmm…." She said in response as his lips brushed hers.

"I let you sleep as long as possible," he said quietly, "but you need to get up."

"Why…I'm tired…what time is it…" she said trying to snuggle closer into him but he wasn't in bed.

"It's almost eight , I let you sleep as long as I could, but we need to get going, it's the only way we'll get all our things in order…."

"Uhmmm…later…"

"Mer…" he said as softly as a lover's caress, and saw her eyes open slowly, "I love you,"

"You…you never say that…"

"I love you…I've been telling you that several times a day…lately…"

"Meredith…you always call me Meredith…"

"We're getting married…you're going to be my wife…you don't like for me to call you Mer…"

"It…you…I do…you make it sound so intimate…so…yes, it felt like a caress upon my lips."

"It's the voice in my heart…" he said smiling, "longing to tell you with my words…and a look," he said as he held her gaze and mesmerized her, "and my touch…what I feel for you."

"You said those words…that day…driving home… "

"I did…when you doubted if I could pull off a proposal or I was going to need to ask Xena for help," he teased her, "I think I may have said something about not pushing…waiting till you were ready."

"I love you Derek…" she said, her eyes shining with unshed tears, "thank you…for not giving up on us…for loving me…"

"Mer…" he said, emphasizing the intimacy of the moment by nibbling at her lower lip and cupping her face in both hands before capturing her mouth, "I adore you."

"Oh…Derek…I love you so much…I do…and…we're going to be married, here and I'm happy…are you happy, are you sure you want to do this…I hope you do…don't change your mind now…I mean…you can…but I don't want you to, I want to be your wife…know that your mine forever…"

"This is it…no turning back you said…"

"No turning back," she smiled and brought her lips to his again, "why are you out of bed?"

"Well, you have to get up," he said, "we need to get to the consular office, and the hotel recommended a couple of agencies that handle weddings, and they're going to try to set up an appointment for us right away."

"Derek," she said, coming slowly awake, "what are you talking about?"

"What do you mean…don't you remember…we're getting married," he told her, as he continued to sit on the bed and she laid back against the pillows.

"Don't be an idiot," she laughed, "I mean…appointments and wedding planners, seriously…it's eight in the morning, when did you do all this?"

"I couldn't sleep…and I was up at seven…"

"Derek, we went to bed at almost four in the morning, how are you not tired?"

"I didn't say I wasn't tired, only that I couldn't sleep."

"Why…couldn't you sleep?"

"I kept thinking of all we shared yesterday…last night…"

"Derek…" she said as she lowered her gaze, "are you…any regrets?"

"None."

"I…I'm sorry, about everything I told you…I don't want you to think even less of my mother," she said quietly, but he knew there were tears in her eyes.

"Hey…look at me," he said as he lifted her chin, her eyes meeting his, "I love you even more…because you are so amazing."

"I don't want you to pity me…if that was the reason…I mean…" she was interrupted by his kiss.

"Stop thinking…I love you…and that is all about who you are…what you make me feel…the love of my life…for always."

"You make me feel so special," she said bringing her hand to his face, feeling the night's growth of stubble and kissed him softly.

"Because you are…Meredith…you are beautiful, talented…compassionate…loyal…truly extraordinary."

"Derek…if I am…if I'm really extraordinary…it's because of you…of us…you make me want to be that for myself…for you…and our children…you made me believe …and hope…and…you…you and I…that's what makes us both…extraordinary," she said and they both knew at that moment their lives had just begun. The beginning of extraordinary legends as only soul mates finally accepting their destiny could discover, and the work that only fate in its wisdom could provide, when two souls looked into the other's eyes and found the love of lifetimes coming together for eternity.

"We're going to be extraordinary…Meredith…and our kids…" he smiled upon her lips, "will be ever ever so embarrassed," and felt her smile on his lips before they lost themselves in the kiss that sealed their commitment and their hearts continued their healing journey.

The phone on the bedside table rang, startling them both and then he reached for it, "hello. Yes, thank you…we'll be there."

"What was that about?"

"Our wedding…we need to meet the lady at nine, now come on lazy bones, get up and get ready, breakfast will be here in a few minutes."

"How…how did you plan all of this…" she asked as she sat up in bed.

"I'll tell you about it over breakfast," he said and got up, reaching for her hand and pulling her up and embracing her. "Hurry up," he murmured against her ear and kissed her softly and she walked away smiling.

Breakfast had been brought up while she showered, and a round table covered with linen had been set up I the room. A mall vase with one single, a pink rose caught her attention as she went to stand next to him and he pulled her to his lap.

"Derek…" she said, seemingly a bit distracted.

"Uh huh…" he replied nuzzling her neck.

"I thought you said we had to be out of here and have a meeting at nine."

"I did…" he said as his mouth traveled down her throat with a trail of kisses.

"We won't…if you don't stop that," she smiled.

"No self control," he teased her, "sad…very sad."

"You don't really want to make this about who has more self control…now…do you…" she taunted him as her mouth covered his and both were soon breathless.

"You…" he said a bit short of breath, "will probably win," and both laughed.

"Probably," she said and started to get up, but he held her and kissed her softly again.

"We'll be married…in two days…"

"Two days," she smiled, "and our honeymoon starts tomorrow," she winked at him.

"So it will," he smiled, "you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled, and hugged him then let her head rest on his shoulder, "no more spotting…so yes…tomorrow night…two days…and the caged beasts…no longer," she giggled, and got up and placed a soft kiss on his lips before going to sit across from him.

"Ok…so let me tell you. I spoke to the concierge earlier, and well, I remembered when I was looking for information on our trip that weddings could be arranged for foreigners."

"Derek, you looked at this before? You knew before we left Seattle…" she asked him with a shocked expression on her face.

"No…I did not…I read about it, thought it was romantic, but no, I was not thinking about us getting married here, in fact, all I hoped was that you would agree to marry me," he said and felt her hand reach out to his.

"So…what did you do this morning, I mean Derek, you need to sleep, with jet lag, and the night before we left Seattle, you haven't had much rest…we should do that…you know…we're going to need a lot of energy after…well…it's been a long time Derek…we have lots to make up for," she teased him.

"I'm not worried about that…" he smiled as he caressed the hand in his, "are you…" he teased her, "worried you can't keep up?"

She had just brought a glass of juice to her lips and taken a drink when he said that, and her reaction amused him as she put her glass down, "are you…seriously…implying that I can't keep up with you…" she said raising her eyebrow, "are you forgetting…"

"Mer…one more word…and we won't make it out of here this morning," he smiled, challenging her.

"Derek…"

"I promised you…just when you didn't want me to take it slow…just then…"

"You won't be able to help yourself…you can't take it slow…not…not after all this time," she said smiling and very sure of herself.

"Wanna bet?"

"You won't…be…able…to," she told him.

"You're on," he told her.

"Derek…" she laughed, "seriously, I don't want you to take it slow…"

"Uhmmm….that is not what you said…is it…you said…I couldn't…so…let's see…which one of us has more self control…" he continued to tease.

"Derek! We're caged beasts…remember…nothing slow…or controlled about that…"

"We'll see," he said…a knowing smile on his lips.

"We will," she said not giving him the satisfaction of having the last word, already anticipating their next night together.

"Eat your breakfast, the lady will be downstairs in about fifteen minutes."

"Uhmm…"

"What are you thinking?"

"What time is it back home?"

"About one in the morning."

"I don't suppose I should call Lexie and Cristina now…they probably would kill me."

"Maybe you can call in a few hours, they'll be getting ready to go to the hospital, or later tonight."

"I kind of want to tell them…that we're getting married, but first, your Mom, I want you to call her first."

"We can do that…" he said, "after we make our arrangements we can call her."

"Ok, so who are we meeting with?"

"Apparently it's not so unusual for people to want to get married here, and they have wedding planners or coordinators, whatever…and the concierge after I spoke to him this morning said he'd make a few phone calls and as you hear, he was able to get us to meet with someone today."

"Derek, but we're not really planning a wedding, I mean, don't we just go to city hall or something?"

"We're in a foreign country…I think there's a few more steps to it, we may have to go to Milan to the consulate to get documents signed, so we'll find out in just a bit what we need to do, we just need to bring our passports."

They were on their way out of the room when she stopped and looked over to the breakfast table and told him, "Derek…I know you had nothing to do with it…but I don't like roses," and he looked over to the single bud and nodded, and she walked to him and reached for his hand and kissed him softly, "just for future reference…"

"Uhmmm…" he said kissing her back softly, "I'll remember…but…kind of like jealous Meredith…"

"Yeah…don't forget it."

They met with a pleasant young woman that explained the process and required documentation and that given the short notice there would be no option but to drive to the U.S. consulate in Milan. Derek agreed, and suggested they get going way and the rest of the details could be explained to them on the way. Soon they were on a gondola to meet the driver that would take them to Milan for the one o'clock appointment the agency had secured, explaining given it was not the height of tourist season, they had been very lucky to secure it.

"This is it," Meredith said when they were comfortably seated in the car, the young woman and driver in the front seat, an almost three hour drive from Venice to Milan ahead of them.

"It is."

"I can't believe it, we're going to be married …in two days…"

"We are…" he smiled as he put his arm around her and she relaxed against him, as the various procedures and options were explained to them. First, the most important documentation required they were told was the "Nulla Osta" an affidavit stating there is no legal impediment to the marriage.

"Once we have this document," she explained, "which you make this sworn statement at the consulate, we will get all the necessary stamps and tomorrow morning I will go with you to the City Hall and you present the documents and make a 'Declaration of intention to marry', and I will call now to see what time it is available to have your wedding. This, all the civil marriages they take place at Palazzo Cavalli," she said and went on to explain all the various services, including wedding receptions, gondola rides and many options neither Meredith or Derek were in favor of, deciding all they wanted was a simple ceremony. Then, they were left to their own thoughts, and the driver and passenger made small talk quietly amongst themselves.

"Hey…" he said when he noticed she was looking into the distance as the miles sped by, "you ok…" and felt some of her doubts.

"Yeah," she said absently, "it's a lot…really really fast," she said and his stomach clenched, small fears rising to the surface, but refusing to give in to their past behavior.

"You know I love you," he murmured as he kissed the top of her head.

"I know."

"Meredith…" he said, turning her face to look at him.

"It's…just…you're doing all of this…you're taking care of me," she whispered, "it's all new…to me."

"I want you to be happy, I want this to be special, something we will always remember," he said, and she too heard his doubts.

"Derek…I'm…" she stopped and brought her finger to the corner of her eye stopping a tear, "it's a lot…and…a wedding…and I'm emotional…and…nobody's ever done anything, taken that much care of me…it's… a lot."

"A lot…good…or …"

"A lot good…just emotional, and on top of that…my hormones I feel are still all over the place," she said and buried her face in the crook of his neck, and reached for his hand and heard him whisper, "close your eyes, we could both use a nap."

He thought of the rest of his plans, and hoped she would be pleased. He could not imagine she wouldn't be, but then his Mom was coming and he hoped Meredith would not mind that she had to meet her weeks before she had expected, but he wanted her to have family around her on their day, and he was determined she would never have any doubts about how much he loved her, how much he was willing to do to make her happy.

"Mr. Shepherd," he heard the young woman say, "we are about fifteen minutes away, and after you make the sworn statement, I can wait for it and then start the rest of the paperwork. Our driver can take you back right away, or if you prefer you can go back with me later this afternoon."

"Maybe we will spend the rest of the day here, do you think you can find out the train schedule for us to return this evening?"

"Yes of course, Milan is a lovely city to visit, Ms. Grey may want to do some shopping, they have the finest Italian clothing."

They arrived at the Consulate and Meredith asked for a few minutes to freshen up, in reality also needing a few minutes alone before she and Derek took the first official step towards their marriage. She joined him, a smile on her face in response to his and they walked in to the corresponding office holding hands, and were asked to take a seat where the procedure and significance of the affidavit was explained by the consular officer.

They took care of all the requirements and fees, and the young lady, whose name they now knew was Lucia volunteered the driver would drop them off at La Scala, a good site convenient for sightseeing and shopping, but Meredith asked they suggest a good local restaurant for lunch first, and there is where their afternoon began.

"So…" she said, once they had ordered their meal, "we're getting married at ten thirty on Wednesday," she smiled, reaching for his hand and lacing their fingers.

"We are...that's a good day…right?"

"The perfect day," she smiled as he brought her hand to his lips, and they enjoyed a leisurely lunch, discussing the details and preparation of their wedding day.

"Meredith, are you sure you don't mind, it's just us?"

"It feels perfect…it does, back home I would probably be stressing out over when and where and Izzie would go crazy with wedding plans, Cristina likely would murder her and there be lists about who would be invited and all of that, and I'd need to find a dress and…flowers …and…" she paused as thought she'd had a very important realization.

"What…Meredith…"

"Derek…a dress…I need a dress, I can't get married in jeans, and it's in the morning, and I could wear my black dress, you like that I know, but maybe not for that time, and Mark, Derek…he was supposed to be your best man, he's going to kill us…"

"Meredith," he smiled at her rambling, "Mark will be fine…and you…we're in Milan, you can get a dress…I'll go with you."

"What…you'll go with me…are you crazy, you can't shop for my dress, I mean, it's not going to be a wedding dress, not white, it's not a long dress that would be ridiculous now, but I don't think you can see my dress not till the wedding, it's bad luck or something, and it's my wedding day…I mean…I need a dress not jeans…and we're in Milan, and it's probably all designer clothes, and I didn't think of that…and I can look, around here they have fine stores, and I need to make sure I have my credit card, and no, I'm not taking any chances…we're not getting married with any bad luck over us…Derek…it just can't…"

"Meredith…"

"What," she snapped as she fidgeted with her watch.

"I can help make things easier."

"How? I have today and tomorrow to find a dress…"

"Well, one, I'll give you my credit card…"

"You will not," she interrupted him, "pay for my dress."

"Ok…but…you can find a dress today or tomorrow."

"It's my wedding day Derek…I mean," she said getting misty eyed, "it's not a big fancy wedding and long gowns…"

She'd mentioned this twice now, making him feel guilty that he was cheating her out of a true wedding celebration, that maybe that's what she wanted.

"Do you want a big wedding…we can have one at home."

"No…oh, no…that's not what I mean, this is perfect Derek, it is, getting married in Venice, but I still…it's my wedding day…our wedding…the rest of our lives together, I want something special…that you can look back and remember…something special for our wedding."

"You'll find it…and anything you choose…you'll be beautiful."

"Thank you,"she said simply and squeezed his hand, "I got a bit crazy there."

"Wedding jitters…" he smiled.

"Wedding frenzy," she giggled, "I even forgot I wanted to talk to Cristina and Lexie, and your Mom and Kathleen."

"Call them now," he said.

"Yeah…when we leave the restaurant, I'll call."

They walked out and agreed they'd first visit La Scala as it closed at five, and they toured the world famous opera house and its museum before walking to Milan's Cathedral, a gothic masterpiece whose Duomo took over five centuries to complete.

They were taking a train back at seven, leaving them a handful of hours in one of the most fashionable and richest cities in Europe. They walked hand in hand through the Galleria Vittorio Emanuel II, the glass domed shopping arcade built in 1867 and named for the first King of a united Italy, a short walking distance from the Cathedral. Mosaics of cities that had formed the newly united Italy caught Derek's attention as he noticed people standing on one particular mosaic, and curiosity got the best of him and he asked is significance, dragging Meredith with him to do the same and shortly thereafter finding themselves standing on the testicles of the bull of Turin.

"Derek," she laughed, "why are we standing on the bull's testicles!"

"They say it's good luck," he answered kissing her, "and we're building on all the good luck…and happiness we can find."

"I can live with that," she said, kissing him back softly, and then walking away, again hand in hand.

They stopped in front of a jewelry store and looked at wedding rings. "Do you know what you'd like," he asked her, "there was a band that goes with your ring, but I wanted you to pick what you wanted."

"I want a thin band, something I can wear all the time. Derek, I don't want to take off my wedding ring, I won't be able to wear my engagement ring all the time, but my ring…I don't want to take it off, and I researched it…about surgery."

"You researched…wearing wedding rings…while in surgery…" he said stunned she'd thought of it.

"Yes…after we got back together…I did…well, after you said you were going to propose…I mean…we would be getting married eventually, and I wanted to know…and it's ok, I can, as long as it's washed properly before and after I scrub in and out for surgery, it should be fine, research says it's ok…but it needs to be a simple band, nothing to catch on the gloves."

"I love you Meredith," he said.

"Because I researches this…" she smiled.

"For many reason…this just one more…because this was important to you…wearing your wedding band."

"Derek…just because I didn't have any of that…those…childhood dreams weren't encouraged, doesn't mean I take this lightly…we're getting married Derek…for always…it's huge…and…wonderful…with you…I want to wear my wedding ring."

"Do you see anything here?"

"Not really," she said as she looked at the wider man's bands, and briefly met his gaze before turning away.

"What?"

"How do you know I'm thinking something?"

"I know you…now tell me," he said wrapping his arms around her.

"Will you…I mean…you don't have too…but…I'd like…"

"I'll wear a ring…," he offered knowing what she was thinking, "of course…I will."

"Oh…" she said relaxing against him, "good."

"Marking your territory," he whispered in her ear.

"Damn right," she giggled, "don't forget it…and I want every woman at Seattle Grace to know you're mine."

"Meredith…I've always been yours…since the day we met."

"Well, let's not go there…"

"Maybe you're right," he said, and she turned around to face him smiling.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm."

"Now that we're getting married…"

"Yes."

"I don't really want to think about them anymore."

"Them…"

"Addison…and…"

"Meredith, I chose wrong with Addison, and you know I still loved you."

"I know…and it's over, really it is…"

"But…"

"The nurse…I don't want to talk about her either."

"She meant nothing."

"I know…but it almost destroyed us."

"No…it did not…we already knew what we meant to each other, that our lives without each other had no meaning…please…forgive me…"

"I have Derek…it's over…we're getting married, in Venice…on Wednesday," she said upon his lips, and softly brushed them.

"I love you," he said.

"Me too."

They walked along as tourists do, and she caught a glimpse of color that called to her, and pulled him along without saying anything.

"Derek, I want to look at something…"

"Let's go."

"No, I mean just me."

"Secrets?"

"Please."

"I'll meet you over there," he said pointing to a spot where a beautiful mural had been pained on the wall under the beautiful glass dome.

"I won't be long," she said hurrying to the store she'd seen, and about twenty minutes later met up with him again holding a large shopping bag with what seemed to be an exclusive shop's name outside and within it a garment bag, and a beautiful smile graced her face."

"You found something," he said.

"I did."

"Can I see it?"

"Wednesday morning," she smiled.

"Just a peek," he asked, reminding her of a child.

"Nope…not till then."

"What color is it?"

"Derek…please…"

"I'm sorry…I'll wait…but not even a hint…"

"No…but…I'm sure…well," she stopped as doubts arose, "I hope you will like it."

"I told you whatever you chose, you'd be beautiful."

"Thank you…" she said, and handed the bag to him, "you can carry it."

"Bossy…"

"You love bossy."

"I do," he smiled. "Let's go…we have to be head for the station in about thirty minutes so we can catch the seven o'clock train."

They boarded the train and spent the next two hours talking about their day and the wedding, and their rings and how earlier they had simultaneously agreed to wait to get them in Venice as each wanted an inscription inside. Meredith fretted that she had not been able to reach either Lexie or Cristina, but was at least happy they'd reached Kathleen and his Mom on the way to the train station, and both had been delighted about their sudden plans, though Meredith had been left pondering some thoughts.

"Derek, did you find that both your Mom and Kathleen were a bit rushed?"

"What do you mean," he asked carefully weighing her words.

"I mean, they said all the right things, but it seemed like they were in a hurry, do you think…maybe they're not telling us how they really feel…and that we're being too impulsive."

"No…stop thinking…they told you, I heard them, they gushed about your ring, and how romantic it was…and how happy Mom was to be meeting you soon, That she was glad she was getting a new daughter in law…I heard her tell you, that was a mere title, that you were her new daughter, so stop fretting."

"You're sure?"

"Yes, I'm sure."

"I trusting you here."

"Music to my ears," he said and leaned over to kiss her.

"I'm starving," she said looking at her watch.

"Me too…" he said, looking at her with his eyes half closed….their look.

"Stop looking at me like that."

"Like what…" he teased.

"Like you want to rip my clothes off and…" she whispered.

"But I do…" he laughed and she joined him, as he wrapped his arms around her, "I'll feed your appetites…dinner tonight…we're almost there…and tomorrow…all the rest."

"Tomorrow…that's the one I'm starving for," she smiled.

"Beasts…"

"Untamed…wild…passionate…"

"Stop…before we …"

"I know…" she giggled, "hey, we're almost there, less than ten minutes."

"Yep…we can drop this off at the hotel and get something to eat."

"Oh my God…" she said suddenly.

"What…what's wrong?"

"Derek…my house…the trailer, we're getting married…we're going to go back to Seattle married…as in a couple...and…where will we live… I mean…my house is fine, but roommates Derek it's a frat house and a brothel, and your trailer is too small…and we need to be together, and maybe we go back…and forth…for privacy and all, but…oh…I can't believe I hadn't thought about till now… but…"

"Hey…relax…we have time to think about it…we don't have to decide tonight, and we can live wherever you want…or …we can get a place, our own place till our house is built."

"Ok…it's ok…you're right, we have time to talk about it, before we go back."

"Yes, we do," he assured her, an indulgent smile on his face.

"You don't know everything," she said smiling back at him and rolling her eyes.

"I know."

"Derek…" she said after thinking for a few seconds, "last night, you said if I hadn't enjoyed the surprise…my proposal…on the gondola…I'd enjoy tomorrow's, well, it's tomorrow…what was it…what was today's surprise?"

"I was bluffing," he chuckled, "I was counting on you liking last night's."

"Oh…" she said holding out her hand and looking at her ring smiling, "I loved last night's."

_9/28 A/N - Thanks for your comments and continued interest in this story. Work has been beyond hectic, and impossible to find time to write as frequently as before...but...traveling this week, and that actually may help as I sit in the hotel in the evenings. _


	138. Chapter 138

**Ch 134 – Family introductions **

The train began to decrease its speed as it neared the station while they sat quietly holding hands.

"We'll drop your dress off at the hotel," he said, "and then grab something to eat, any preferences?"

"Uh huh," she answered without elaborating.

"Uh huh…" he joked, "what's their specialty?"

"Funny…"

"Are you going to tell me where you'd like to go?"

"I think we'll just walk there. Surprise you."

"Uhmmm…surprise me…the woman that's not big on surprises."

"I've had lots of them lately," she smiled, "some…" she said, and he saw the brief sadness in her eyes, "priceless…even …if only brief moments…"

He caressed her face gently and whispered, "I'd give anything," and pausing for his own composure added, "anything…if I could …anything to have spared you…our loss."

"I know," she said, and buried her face in his chest and squeezed the hand held in hers as she closed her eyes, and remained quiet until the train pulled in to the station.

"We're here," he said squeezing her hand while kissing the top of her head.

She smiled in response, and softly placed her lips on his, then got up and reached for the bag in the open overhead compartment.

"Derek, when we get to the hotel, I need to hang up the dress…I'll leave it in the garment bag, but please, you have to promise, you won't look at it…not until I wear it on Wednesday."

"Not even a hint…just the color."

"Not taking any chances…we're not jinxing this."

"There's no jinxing this…stop worrying."

"Ok," she smiled as they followed the passengers in front of them toward the exit doors and went to find a water taxi for the ride to the hotel.

It was after ten when they arrived at the lobby and went to get the room key, "I'll wait for you here," he said, "unless you're going to be long."

"I'm starving, I won't be long," she said, "just going to hang up the dress so it doesn't wrinkle," and was back in less than five minutes.

"So…" he said, as he sat with legs spread in front of him, cocking his head and smiling just in the way that made her want to forget waiting and dragging him upstairs, "where are you taking me?"

"Follow me," she smiled and extended her hand to him, "and stop giving me that look."

"What look," he asked with feigned innocence.

"Our look."

"Uhmmm…."

"Uhmm…tomorrow night…Derek…less than twenty four hours…and then…"

"No more censorship," he laughed as they reached the door, "in the way I look at you…"

She laughed along with him, "you can look at me…anyway ….you want…but…I hope you're going to do more than look at me…" she teased, and when they were outside reached for his hand and turning towards the right, pulled him along.

"You can count on it…except…" he teased her, "it may be a bit slower than you like."

"Derek," she said and stopped walking, "I don't want slow…"

"You say that now…" he joked, and they both laughed as he put his arms around her and hugged her.

"You're playing with fire," she giggled as he placed his arm around her waist and they continued walking in the direction she led.

"You're sure you know where we're going?"

"Absolutely," she smiled, hoping he'd be surprised and would like her choice of establishments. "Here we are."

"Harry's Bar?"

"It's very famous Derek…and I would have come here on my trip, but never made it to Venice…when my mom got sick, and well I though you'd like it…I mean…Hemingway used to come here…and…your favorite book…and well, I just thought…"

"Mer…I love that you thought of it…thank you," he said and kissed her softly as they stood in front of the half frosted window with the famous Harry's Bar inscription, and then rounded the corner to walk inside.

They were seated by the window and as many other guests, Meredith decided to try the renowned specialty of the house and ordered a Bellini, while Derek stuck to his preferred double scotch single malt, and placed their meal order right away as it seemed the bar closed at eleven.

"Derek, are you happy?"

"What…" he said, realizing he'd briefly become lost in his thoughts, "of course I'm happy," he assured her while reaching over the table to cover her hand with his, "why would you ask me that?"

"I …you seemed so far away…maybe having second thoughts."

"I was thinking about what you said, but absolutely no second thoughts, and yes, I am very happy for so many reasons, and they all have to do with you being with me."

She locked gazes with him, "we're getting married…you're sure…"

"Absolutely certain…I don't want to spend another day without you…as my wife," he smiled and leaned in to her to kiss her lips softly, "for always."

"Your order will be out shortly," the waiter interrupted, and placed the drinks on the table, "we close at eleven, but don't feel you must rush, you will notice our patrons will stay a bit longer than that tonight."

He picked up his glass, "a toast," he said, "to our new life together."

"To our new life together," she repeated smiling, "cheers," and after taking a sip placed a kiss on his lips.

"You taste like peaches," he smiled.

"I'm supposed to," she giggled, "that's what's in this drink."

"Appropriate, don't you think… celebrating our engagement…at a bar…"

"Derek…"

"What…thank God for Joe's…that's where we met."

"Well, we already agreed we may have to change that story a little…later…for the kids."

"I doubt our kids will grow up without finding out about it…your friends talk too much," he said just as she took a sip of the drink and nearly caused her to choke as she looked at him and laughed.

"My friends," she laughed, "my friends talk too much…you…Derek are the one that talks too much…"

"I do not."

"Oh yes, you do…Derek…you don't think about it, but you do…"

"Give me an example."

"Well, you're the one that can't keep secrets to yourself."

"What are you talking about?"

"You have to share it with someone."

"I do not."

"You told Kathleen and Lexie where you were taking me…to the spa; and when you got me the lavender you told the nurses, and you told everyone except me that we were coming here, and…"

"The nurses helped, so I could be here when you got it…and everybody did not know we were coming here."

"Bailey and the Chief and Kathleen…"

"But not the rest," he pouted.

"I'm sorry…" she giggled, "it was just funny, that you think they talk too much…but you're right, they do, so we're doomed…we won't be able to hide the fact we met in a bar and you got me drunk and took advantage of me and we had a one night stand."

"I thought we agreed…on that part of the story…"

"You agreed."

"Meredith…we agreed, we took mutual advantage of each other," he teased.

"Yes…I believe you are right," she smiled back, "we certainly did that."

"Mer…" he said as his lids closed slightly giving her an intimate and seductive smile, "it wasn't a one night stand…it was the first night of a life meant to be spent together."

"Yes…" she agreed, "yes…it was…and here we are…" she said and kissed him.

"Here we are…" he smiled, "and we'll be back…in a year, for another gondola ride."

"We don't have to do that," she laughed.

"Oh yes we do…it's a very romantic I think…"

"It can be," she agreed.

"With the right person…and you and I together…unquestionably the right persons."

"You better start buttering up the Chief and Bailey…so we can get the time off, because I think she was serious about me not taking any time off."

"We'll work it out," he said just as they brought their food.

"I'm starving," she said.

"I can tell," he laughed, as she reached for her fork the second the plates were placed on the table.

"Derek, don't you find it odd that no one has been in touch with us, I mean they all got our text and emails and they don't know we're getting married here, but they are not even curious to find out about our engagement, especially Lexie and Cristina that said they wanted me to call them."

"You did leave a message for them both, maybe they're just busy."

"You'd think they'd be more interested," she said sounding a little disappointed, "even Mark, I thought he'd be texting and bugging you by now since we didn't acknowledge the bottle of champagne".

"Meredith, I'm sure they are, but you know how crazy things can get without warning at the hospital," he tried to sound convincing, as he knew the reason for the lack of communication was they were on their to New York and would be landing shortly.

"I suppose you're right," she said and continued eating.

"So…you have your wedding dress," he smiled, "is there anything else you need? Anything else you want to take care of tomorrow? The only thing we have to do is meet with Lucia and make our declaration at City Hall and after that we can do whatever you'd like," he said, hoping she'd tell him if she had anything else in mind, because whatever plans she had, he was going to have to work around the arrival of six wedding guests.

"Not really, this is all so unexpected, I haven't really thought about it, except there are a couple of places I would like to visit…you know the typical sites when in Venice, since we'll be leaving you said on Wednesday, after the wedding."

"We can do that, in the morning, after we're done."

"It's right around the corner, the Ducal Palace and maybe La Fenice," she said mentioning the world famous opera house, "but Derek, really…I just want to spend it with you…relaxing the day before our wedding, and then tomorrow night…" she winked at him.

"Uhmmm…tomorrow night…" he smiled, "taking it slow…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"You'll lose that game…"

"Wanna bet…"

"No…because you'll lose…count on it…I can make you lose…"

"Meredith…wasn't it you who said waiting was fun…"

"You are seriously bringing that up," she giggled, "you remember I said that."

"How can I forget…sitting in a bathtub filled with bubbles, your naked body pressed against mine…and you…torturing the living hell out of me…wanting to take it slow…and it being fun…and bright and shiny…and all I wanted was to…"

"Derek…"she said as her hand found its way to his leg and then higher, "are you…absolutely sure you want to take it slow…tomorrow night?"

He took a deep breath, "you…are not playing fair," he said, and grabbed her hand and brought it to the top of the table.

"You've never minded that …before," she smiled.

"I think…we will both be very satisfied tomorrow night…nice and slow…and…fast and hot…and then…"

"We can…try that," she said smiling, "see who has more self control."

"I already know the answer to that…"

"Don't count on it," she said as she brought the last bite of food to her mouth.

"Well, speak of the devil," he said as he reached for his phone, and read the text message.

-Shep, in NYC, take it Grey still in the dark

"Who is it, surely not Cristina?"

"Mark."

-she's asking who it is, erasing this message watch what you say she'll want to read

-these 2 women are driving me nuts wanting details

-don't give any

"Derek, what is he saying?"

"He's just being crude, you know Mark."

"Let me see."

"No…seriously, Meredith, he can be very crude."

"Did he ask about the champagne?"

"Yeah, he did."

"Oh, come on, let me see."

He had anticipated that and had erased the earlier messages once Mark had caught on.

-Shep, you get laid? champagne cost a fortune

-don't be an ass, Meredith may read these

-I can just ask her

-go ahead

"Derek…"

"Fine, here," he said and gave her the phone.

-Sloan champagne was great

-Grey that you

-yep

-still holding out on him

-what

-yep

-you're nuts

-wrong answer grey, how's Venice

-not talking to you, you jerk

-come on

-was going to tell you something, now you wait like the rest

-holding out on your fellow dm

-what's up, haven't heard from anyone today

-bitch of a day chaos all over

-why

-too long to get into

-you're plastics not real surgeon

-hey cut that crap

-teasing you have you seen Lex…Cristina others?

-all tied up with traumas Lexie just walked by

-tell her to text me

-ok and don't hold out on shep

-jerk

-mer you ok?

-we're perfect

-yeah?

-yeah…may tell you more…later

-tell me now

-no…maybe later

-not nice

-it's very nice

-come on

-up to Derek

-great he may not tell me

-bye now

"Are you finished with your conversation?" he asked trying not to blurt out his secret.

"Yes."

"I could get jealous you know," he said as he read the messages.

"But you don't," she joked.

"He'd be a dead man."

"He wouldn't dare Derek, you're too important to him."

"So are you Meredith, he thinks of you as family."

"He's changed a lot, well, not really but just where you're concerned…and me… I can see that."

"You want to tell him…that we're getting married?"

"Yes…but I have to tell Lexie and Cristina too, and he may not keep it a secret."

"Why don't we do the same thing as before, and tell them all together."

"But, if they're not around?"

"He just told you he saw Lexie."

"Maybe we should…it's impersonal, but then maybe we can call them."

"That's a good idea."

"Ok, let me have your phone."

"What is it with you and no phone?"

"Why carry mine if you have yours, and mine is not set up for calls here."

"Here you go," he said and gave her the phone.

"How does this sound," she said when she finished typing and gave him the phone back.

-Have news, the 3 of you find get to out at the same time but you can't say anything

"That's it?"

"Yes, make them curious."

"I think you better just tell them."

"You're no fun."

"I'll remind you of that tomorrow night."

"You're right, and he said it was chaotic at the hospital," she said as he gave the phone back to her.

-have news, 3 of you get to find out at the same time and can't say anything. But you can make money to your heart's content. We're getting married on Wed, here in Venice.

"How's this," she asked leaning close to him and holding the screen up for him to read.

"That's more like it."

"Ok."

The waiter came around to ask if they would like anything else, and explained they had a private party that would be staying late and they could stay as long as they wished even though they normally closed at eleven.

"What desserts do you recommend?"

"We have very exquisite desserts signorina, but my favorite, the chocolate cake…we call it sacher…but not like the Viennese, this is special , the best bittersweet chocolate…"

"I'll have that," Meredith said before he finished.

"Signore?"

"No dessert, thank you, but I'll have another drink."

Meredith smiled as she got the first reaction to her text, and they spent a good twenty minutes bantering with their friends.

- you what? that was what you were going to tell me grey

-yes

-you're getting married and still no sex

-don't be an ass

-hey shep congratulations

-take advantage make some more money

-will keep that in mind

-glad you're happy grey

-I didn't say that

-you wouldn't be telling me otherwise know your both reading this

-we're happy mark

-I know shep happy for you

-listen got to go this place is very busy and 3 new patients walking towards me

-take care of it catch up about that later

Derek's last line let Mark know he understood his family had arrived.

"Oh shit, Cristina, Lexie we better stick to answering what she says or she's going to guess we're together.

"Sloan, you're the one who screwed up, we are not giving anything away."

-Mer have you lost your mind

-no cristina never been happier

-it's crazy too soon

-it's perfect be happy for me please

-you're sure

-yes never more than now

-happy for you Meredith

-thank you

-call me soon, got to go now traumas coming in

-ok thanks cristina

-yeah…glad you're happy Meredith

-talk later

-ok

-OMG mer sloan said to text you but got this first wow are you happy is Derek

-yes and yes very

-it's so romantic and we haven't even heard about the proposal and now this

-very romantic proposal

-don't tease how was it where when

-can you talk now will call you

-really hectic but …well no trauma coming in cristina paging me

-ok we can talk tomorrow almost midnight here

-yes this is going to be long night we can talk in the morning

-long night lex it's midday there

-feels like night already got to go

-ok talk tomorrow

"Xena, you almost blew it."

"I know…crap, but I didn't."

"You almost blew it first Sloan," Cristina told him.

"That's what happens when with all of us being so nosy and not sticking to our own text conversations," Lexie commented.

"I wasn't looking," Mark said.

"Like hell," Cristina smirked.

"Come on girls, time to meet the in-laws."

"What in-laws?"

"You've already met Kathleen," he said looking across the room, and rising to greet them, "now it's time to meet the mother in law, that's Derek's mom and Kathleen's husband."

Lexie and Cristina looked at each other and for once both were left speechless and remained sitting down and a few seconds later Mark was being hugged by an older lady, any of them would have identified as Derek's mother.

"Mark dear, it has been too long," she said embracing him, "I'm very happy to see you, even if I still want to box your ears."

"I'm sorry, about everything that happened. You've been very forgiving."

"It all worked out, that's the only thing that's saving you, but honestly," she said, and playfully but not lightly smacked the back of his head and had both Cristina and Lexie unable to contain a laugh, "you are getting off way too easy here, so you and I are going to have a very long talk young man."

"Yes ma'am."

"Very well, now these ladies must be Lexie and Cristina," she said.

"Mrs. Shepherd," Lexie said, "it's such a pleasure to meet you," and extended her hand.

"Oh dear, we're going to be family," she said and hugged her, "I'm delighted to meet you and that we have an opportunity to talk on the way to Venice," she smiled.

Cristina looked at Mark and opened her eyes, and he interpreted correctly she was asking for help in avoiding talking all the way to Venice, and he laughed.

"What's so funny," Mrs. Shepherd asked.

"Nothing, just saying hello to Kathleen," he said as he hugged her, "missed you Kat."

"Missed you too," she said and hugged him.

"Hey Sloan, leave my wife alone," the man standing next to her joked, "you had her for almost a week."

"And what a treat that was," Mark joked back as they greeted each other with what each would describe as a brief and manly hug, that ended with a quick slap on the back, "good to see you Kevin, glad you're here to even out the numbers, it's not going to be pretty."

"Five women at a wedding and three men," he laughed.

"Yeah…but you haven't met these women, get ready to be overwhelmed with ramblers, including your wife, and Derek."

"Derek rambles?" the newly introduced Kevin roared with laughter.

"Like a girl, Kev, it's sad, really."

"Mark Sloan," he heard a sharp voice, "stop making fun of Derek."

"Yes, Mrs. S."

"Smart ass," she said only for his ears, and they both laughed, "what happened to calling me Mom?"

"Well…"

"You're still family Mark…Derek forgave you, so can I," she said and hugged him.

"Mom," he said, "this is Cristina Yang, she's Meredith's best friend."

"I've heard, and it's lovely to meet you."

"Likewise Mrs. Shepherd," she said and before she had a chance to extend her hand in greeting she found herself embraced by his mom.

"I am so delighted that Derek thought of this, I hope Meredith will be pleased."

"Mom," Kathleen interrupted, "I'm sure she will be…after she gets over the initial shock."

"That's for sure," Cristina muttered.

"What was that dear?"

"She's going to be pretty shocked."

"You don't think she'll be happy," Mrs. Shepherd questioned her.

"Oh yes…" Lexie cut in, "I'm sure she will be very happy that Derek thought of doing this, that she'll have her family there, well not her family…just me and Cristina and she's like her sister too, and not much more family, but Mark, he's the best man and he was going …and well Kathleen and you…it's family…and I'm sure Mer's going to really appreciate it all the effort Derek's put into this."

"Lexie," she heard, "I'm Kevin, Kathleen's husband…and I'm delighted to meet you, now I understand why she's been rambling more than usual lately."

"Oh…I'm sorry," Lexie said, "I guess I do that…and if I'm nervous."

"No need to be nervous dear," Mrs. Shepherd told her, "we're family."

"Oh boy," Cristina couldn't help but mutter.

"Cristina," Mark warned quietly.

Kathleen hugged Lexie, "don't mind him, he likes to tease, and he's going to make fun of us I'm sure, as will this big log over here," she said pointing to Mark.

"What is it dear," Mrs. Shepherd insisted, "you don't think Meredith will be happy that we're all coming?"

"Oh, no, truly…I'm sure she'll be very pleased."

"Thank you Cristina, it will be good to spend some time together, the two of us on the plane, get to know each other better," Mrs. Shepherd told her, and taking her aside without being too obvious continued, "don't worry, I won't ask you to betray her confidences…but…you may not know she asked me to come visit, before she and Derek left for Venice."

"I'm sure she'll enjoy this," Cristina told her, being surprised by the comment that Meredith had invited her to visit.

"I'm very fond of her Cristina, and the last few weeks, she and I have communicated a great deal, I hope this is not going to upset her. Like you, I have her best interest at heart."

"I'm sure it will be fine Mrs. Shepherd."

"Thank you dear," she said and sat down as did the rest of them, and spent the next hour getting to know each other before while waiting to board their flight as well as echoing their surprise at the decision Meredith and Derek had made to marry in Venice.

Cristina was ever so grateful to find herself sitting alone on the window in the third row of business class, Mark behind her on the aisle, Kathleen and Kevin across from Mark in the middle section and Lexie and Mrs. Shepherd right behind them. However, she did not anticipate Mrs. Shepherd would be spending some time sitting next to her as well.

"Derek," Meredith said softly, "thank you for a lovely day."

"It was a very nice day, we should think about taking trips together more often."

"It's not likely I'll get any time off for the rest of the year, but when we can…it will be nice to travel together."

"We'll figure it out, there's lots of years of traveling together ahead of us," he said.

"Derek, you knew about this place didn't you?"

"Harry's Bar, you mean?"

"Yes."

"I did know."

"Why didn't you mention it yesterday, we could have come here instead of that other restaurant we went to, you know before the gondola ride."

"I was nervous…and it was about you…what you wanted…the bridge…the legend…and I wanted last night to be about you…making sure the sun was setting at the perfect time…that it was special for you."

"You made it very special…" and then suddenly she said, "that was it…wasn't it…the initials…"

"What do mean?" he asked, not sure his brain was functioning at it's peak…he'd hardly slept the night before, not even close to three hours.

"VIP…B & L…the initials…what they meant."

"Oh yeah…you already figured it out…"

"Not all of it, I knew Venice, Italy…and then proposal…but B…now I get it Bridge of Sighs…"

"I was surprised," he chuckled, "after all the talk about Esme that you didn't get that right away."

"And the L…was it…legends? Because at first I thought love or lovers…"

"At first," he asked her, "what about later?"

"Then I thought legends…" she smiled.

"You were right on all of them in some way."

"I was…how?"

"The first time I told you…I said…L was a big part…I was thinking of love…that it was all about love."

"You did…"

"Uhmmm….then I thought…when I actually gave you that last letter…I thought…lovers and legends…legendary lovers."

"Oh…Derek," she said getting misty eyed, "you've made this so special…so much thought behind it, the proposal…getting married here."

"Mer…tomorrow night, I'm thinking we can have a nice romantic dinner…you can wear your black dress…just the two of us."

She giggled, "Derek…who else…if not just the two of us?"

"I'm just saying, it's the night before our wedding, we should …a special evening."

"Our pre honeymoon night…" she smiled.

"Our…first night together…in a very long time."

"A very long time," she said, melancholy inevitable in the tone of her voice as she fell silent and her look became distant, though she had merely lowered her gaze.

"Hey…" he said, reaching across the table to lift her chin and meet her gaze, "what's wrong?"

"I'm…I'm emotional…and I'm thinking…and…Derek…you don't think…I mean, your favorite book…Jake and Brett…"

"You've read it?"

"After…after you told me…when we weren't together…I read it…but it's not…it wasn't very optimistic…Jake…unable to consummate a relationship with her…and she…well, it wasn't a very uplifting story…not to me anyway…like Romeo and Juliet, what…what did you see in it? Why is it your favorite book?"

"Uhmmm…that could be a long conversation."

"We have time…I mean…just …I'd like to know, you don't have to tell me now, but I'd like to know why it's your favorite book, and I think it's interesting we're sitting here, where Hemingway spent time, I thought you'd appreciate that."

"I do…I'd probably have stopped by here with you before we left, makes you wonder if any of the dialogue or passages for his later works were thought of while he sat here."

"Derek…"

"You're too serious Meredith…what's on your mind."

"I tried to like it, understand why you did…but…still…it wasn't my favorite…"

"Well, let me tell you why it's my favorite book," he smiled, and lightly placed his lips on hers before continuing, and they spent time discussing The Sun Also Rises, until she saw his eyes begin to droop.

"Derek," she said quietly, "am I boring you…or is the book no longer your favorite?"

"What…no…of course not, of course you're not boring me."

"I'm teasing you, you're eyes are drooping…and I know it's because you've had no sleep. Let's go, we should get a good night's sleep," she said, while he reached for her hand and held it between both of his.

"You're right. I hate to admit it, but I am tired, don't think I've had more than three hours sleep at a time in the last few days," he told her while motioning for the waiter, "not to mention three drinks tonight."

"Yep…that would do it too…notice I only had two."

"I noticed."

"Didn't want to be accused of having no self control…you know…getting drunk and taking advantage of you."

He was exhausted. Being tired was an understatement he admitted to himself, thinking of not only the physical but the emotional roller coater they'd been on, but he smiled, "like the last time."

"Yes…" she went along with him, recognizing he was truly exhausted, "like the last time."

"Wait, did you just admit…"

"Come on Derek, let's go," she giggled and started to get up, as Derek had already settled the bill, but he got up faster and put his arm around her as they walked to the door and they were handed their coats.

"Thank you for joining us, hope to see you again."

"It's likely," he said, "very likely we'll be here again…"

He helped her with her coat and they walked outside immediately feeling the sharp drop in temperature, and it was Meredith that stopped to wrap the scarf snuggly around his neck, "it's cold," she said, and he smiled as he in turn helped to bundle her scarf around her to keep her warm, while both simultaneously and briefly wrapped their arms around each other before he placed his arm around her waist and they walked toward the hotel.

They'd reached the corner of the Ducal Palace, when both recalling the previous evening and their stolen kisses, turned to each other and smiled as their lips met, before he felt the phone vibrating, and she started to laugh.

"You've been vibrating a lot lately."

"Uhmmm…" he said ignoring her, and kissing her again until they both stopped, their breathing labored as they stood in the middle of an ancient street, undoubtedly witness to countless stories of lovers overcome by passion.

"Who's so eager to reach you…" she giggled, as she held him close to her.

"Ignore them," he murmured against her lips, "who cares."

"That's true," she answered and deepened their kiss, only to feel the vibrating phone again, and went to reach for it.

"No," he said, grabbing it first, afraid it could be one of the travelers.

"Shepherd…you keeping secrets from me?"

-Shep we're boarding the flight see you soon

He smiled as he read, "maybe."

"Derek…seriously…."

"You know I love you…right?"

"Of course I do…but…why…why are you saying that…" she asked as concerned filled her voice and slightly stepped away from him.

"No reason…just wanted to make sure you know that…no matter what happens…remember that," he said, suddenly unsure how she would react to their unexpected wedding guests.

"Derek…not sure I like the sound of that…is everything ok?"

"Yes…just perfect…just, I love you Meredith."

"I love you too…but…"

"Hey, not buts…"

"Derek…are you…what's going on…you tell me you love me to avoid things."

"I do not."

"Yes…you have…but, it's nothing bad…I mean…you…we're ok…"

"We're ok…"

"No taking the engagement back?"

"Meredith…of course I'm not…look…it's…maybe…maybe I got you a gift…sort of a gift…and I hope you'll like it."

"Oh…so you are keeping secrets…"

"I think…I'm pretty sure you'll like this."

"So why are you nervous?"

"I'm not."

"You are...you've just ran your hand through your hair twice…"

"I want you to have a special wedding day…that's all…"

"Derek…"

"Trust me…please…" he asked as he wrapped his arms around her.

"I have… I do…"

"Ok, then…let's go get some sleep," he said kissing her softly, and walking the rest of the way to the hotel, stopping at least twice to give in to the desire to kiss the other.

They reached their room and Meredith told him after spending all day away, the train and the water taxi she felt all grimy and wanted to take a quick shower, but when she saw him sitting on the bed and started to take off his shoes, she noticed how truly tired he looked and told him, "Derek…do you want me to run a bath for you…I can join you…give you a back rub, you look so tired."

"I'd love nothing more than to be in a tub with you…naked…but…as much as I hate to say this…kill the romance of it and all…Mer…I'm so tired, I may be like poor Jake tonight," he joked..

"Bite your tongue…" she laughed, "still don't get why you like that book…" she laughed, "come on, I'll run a bath for you…"

"I'll just get in the shower…we can enjoy a bath…tomorrow…together…"

Meredith was in the shower as he got ready to slip under the covers and turn off his phone, when he laughed at the newly received email.

_Shepherd, you're not so stupid after all…LOL! Congratulations, I wish you both the best, you deserve to be happy. Show her my message after the troops get there. I'm proud of you Derek, for wanting to make this special for her. Even if you've left me with a scheduling nightmare…get those two back here right after the wedding. Affectionately, Miranda. _

_You're a good friend Miranda, thank you for everything. _

Derek was laying on his side, already asleep and she turned out the lights and tried to get under the covers without disturbing him, but as soon as he felt her body next to him, he wrapped his arm around her.

"Uhmmm….you smell good…"

"So do you…" she said.

"I love you, Meredith…"

"I love you too," she said snuggling closer to him and closing her eyes, and thinking it had been a very good day, yet some doubts remained and old patterns resurfaced.

"Meredith…stop thinking."

"I thought you were sleeping."

"I can't fall asleep until you're in bed."

She giggled, "that's going to be a problem."

"Why…you're not planning on sleeping with me at night."

"Our shifts…they're not always going to have us in bed…at night…together…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Go to sleep Derek," she said and turned to kiss him softly and he pulled her into his arms, her head resting on his chest.

"What are you thinking…I can hear the brain ticking…"

"Nothing…you're tired, I am too…let's get some sleep…" she said and hugged him tighter as her arm encircled his waist.

"Meredith…" he said, minutes later after she'd assumed he'd fallen asleep, "what's bothering you?"

He heard her intake of breath, "do you think…do you think we're going to make it?"

He was stunned by her question, especially as he had almost no energy left, but knew it had to be addressed, and pulled her away from him so he could look in her eyes, the light reflection of a street light shining in the sitting area allowing him to see her face.

"Meredith…what…what makes you ask me that?"

"I don't know."

"Yes, you do," he said stroking her face softly.

"I love you."

"I know you do," he said.

"But…I was thinking," she said, "you know…tonight…so many things have changed…we've changed…a little…the last few weeks…are we kidding ourselves…"

"Are you? Do you think we can't make it?"

"No…I do…I do…Derek…it's just hard…so much has gone wrong before…I'm afraid Derek, I don't want anything to go wrong now…and I'm used to the dark and twisty and things happening and going wrong…you have to admit this last year..."

"Mer…you're my life…I can't imagine living without you…and I'll spend every day, everyday of my life loving you…and doing all I can to make you happy…and nothing is going to go wrong with our wedding…and the rest of our lives…we're going to make it, I have no doubts about that."

"Oh…" she said, as tears gathered in her eyes, "I love you…Derek…I love you so much…and I'm going to try…really try…to make sure I don't do this…these doubts…and you need to help me…remind me…that it doesn't have to go wrong…that we deserve our once upon a time like you said…legendary lovers…"

"Once upon a time," he said, kissing her softly, whispering against her lips, "on a beautiful night in Venice, two legendary lovers…" he smiled upon her lips, "began their life together…"

"And," she said, "that legend began with this kiss," she said as their lips met, their tongues hungrily exploring the other and each touch, each caress eliciting familiar moans in response to passion filled desires.

_AN 10/3 It's been about 7 years since I've been to Venice and Harry's Bar, and if I remember correctly the window was on the side. I have taken some liberties for the sake of moving the story along, but for the most part it's fairly accurate. They would have been able, for example, to have their document signed at the office in Venice, but I did not get an answer until I'd finished writing the last update, and I did want them to visit Milan and put in the little bit of the "good luck" dialogue._

_Here's a little filler while I'm traveling…will start next chapter on the flight home tomorrow, and hope to post by Monday. _


	139. Chapter 139

**_Ch 135 – Unexpected emotions …_**

The sun began its routine morning rise on the cold March morning, the mist rising off the lagoon ever so often capturing the light orange reflection, while the glow of lamp posts illuminating the gently swaying gondolas began to fade. A timeless ritual bringing forth the birth of a new day, one that would prove to be quite extraordinary as the tale of two sad and lonely people turned a page, a new chapter would begin as with each second the deepest of foundations were laid, ready to create and capture memories that would last beyond their lifetime.

Meredith awoke in the early hours to the welcoming presence of the sunrise, its rays dancing off the mirror atop the desk, the fluttering dust particles a reminder of days gone by when she would marvel at the ever moving specks floating through the air as she would become lost in her own world of daydreams. Childhood memories came flooding back and sadness settling deep within her as she remembered the days after she thought her Mom might be gone forever, and she was relegated to the care of relatives, none of whom were now a part of her life, Ellis had alienated everyone.

She lay quietly, making sure she did not disturb him, though his arm was resting around her waist, and her thoughts drifted to the night they met, and unexpectedly found herself in deep reflection.

Mom…she spoke silently, though her emotions were unable to keep the tears from falling as she shared her feelings openly. I'm getting married tomorrow. It kind of surprised me too…but…I love him Mom, you were the first person that I admitted that to…and he understands me, he does and he is trying so hard to make me happy. We've had a rough year, maybe you know about that…well, it's been rough for the last five years…I wish you were here Mom…I wish you and I had another chance…it was here you know, I was in Italy when I had to go back home when you got sick…and I'm sorry Mom that you got sick, I wish we'd had more time…I would have wanted for you to know Derek…for you to know me…and Mom, you were right… that last day we had together, when you said I was a force of nature…and passionate and focused… a fighter…I'm all those things Mom…I'm sorry you didn't see that, but maybe…maybe now…you get a sense of me…I'm all those things…and I've been fighting forever…and I had to tell him, nobody else…I promise nobody else knows…but he had to know that I knew what it felt like…that I did not want to give up…that I would never do that to him…or our children, and I want that …I want that with him, and even though I have doubts and I'm scared I may not be good at this…I'm going to try…and I'm going to tell him, not going to keep my feelings from him…I'm going to fight for us…for our dreams like never before, because what he makes me feel…the way he loves me…the way I love him… that's worth everything.

Derek shifted slightly, bringing her closer to him, and she lay on her side and watched him sleep, thankful for the peacefulness that seemed to have settled within him, and that he'd finally had at least seven hours of uninterrupted sleep.

She wanted to touch him, needed to see his eyes on her, the reassurance of that look he always gave her as he would kiss her awake, and she leaned to him softly placing her lips on his.

"Uhmmm…"

"I love you Derek," she whispered upon his lips.

"Hey…" he said quietly, eyes coming awake, alive when he met her haze.

"Hey…" she said, and her breath caught as he brought his hand to her face caressing her.

"You were watching me sleep…" he smiled, his hand now gently stroking her hair.

"I was…you look rested…you got some sleep."

"I did…and now I get to wake up to you…"

"You fell asleep on me last night," she teased him, "must have lost my touch."

"I did not…you insisted…"

"I'm teasing Derek…you needed sleep, so did I…" she said and looked away from him.

"Hey…what's going on?"

"I kissed you…" she said, "you didn't kiss me back…"

"I was waiting to brush my teeth," he joked, "following your orders."

"Oh…"

"Oh…no…no…you don't…" he said and placed his lips softly on her forehead, "I'll be right back."

"You don't have to go… stay with me."

"I want to kiss you…the way I want to kiss you…let me go brush my teeth."

"I'm sorry, you know… I should never have brought that up…"

"But you did," he said smiling and jumped out of bed, and was back just as quickly and reached out to embrace her and capture her mouth.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said, kissing the top of her head and pulling away from her to look in her eyes. "Now, tell me what has made you sad, since I opened my eyes this morning, something's wrong."

"I'm ok…I am…"

"Meredith…" he coaxed her, "we're talking remember."

"I've never talked so much in my life," she tried to joke.

"Well, neither have I it seems, but it's working…isn't it…"

"I was thinking about my Mom…" she admitted, "I wish things had been different…you know…I'm getting married…she should have been here…"

"I do know…"

"I'm sorry, Derek…that was insensitive…I know you miss your Dad too, and you're family is not here either…"

"Hey… you don't ever have to be sorry for sharing your feelings with me…that's what's going to make the difference…in our life together, in our marriage."

"Derek…it helped me…I was talking to her…and hoping she's heard me."

"I'm sure she does," he said as he kissed her softly, "do you want to tell me about it."

"I said," she started and told him her conversation with Ellis, "and…Derek…last night…when we talked, and my doubts…my question if we'll make it, it's not about you…you've been wonderful…but, so many years…bad habits…I'm not going to change overnight…I'm sure it will happen, when I least expect it…but …I love you Derek…and I'm going to try…and with therapy…I'm going to try…because like I told her…you and me…how we feel for each other…how much we love each other…it's worth everything, I have no doubts about that…and I'm never going to give up on making our marriage work…our love for each other…we're going to make it…I wanted you to know that…in my heart…I have no doubts…that we're going to make it…"

"You're the love of my life…Meredith, I adore you…and that is never going to change," he said, "thank you…for sharing that with me…we're going to make it…for always," he said and they both embraced and their lips hungrily found each other, satisfying and frustrating their desires as the ring of the telephone echoed through the room, the prerequisite wake up call for the start of the new day, their new life together.

"We have to get up," she said, disentangling herself from him, "we can't be late…Derek, we have a ton of things to do."

"We do…" he teased, "I thought we just had to show up at City Hall and make this declaration…intent to marry…and that was it…nothing else."

"Derek…don't be dense…rings…Derek…we need rings…and things…I'm sure we need things…"

"What things?"

"I don't know…but I'm sure we do…we're getting married and I'm sure we need things…talk to Lucia, I don't know…I was thinking, maybe we need photos, we didn't think of that…and photos…we need at least one…"

"Meredith," he said, and silenced her with a kiss, "we do need things…" he laughed, "let's get our day started."

"Derek…this is it…our last full day…before we're married."

"Uhmmm…" he said and kissed again, "happy?"

"Very happy," she said kissing him back, before he reached for her and got her out of bed.

"Wear comfortable shoes today, we're going to be doing lots of walking."

"I know…we also need presents Derek…"

"Presents…for what?"

"Wedding presents…I mean… I have to get you something, so I need some time alone…oh God, I had not thought of that, and we only have today, and I have to find something, you've given me so much already and I don't have anything for you…and my hair…I have to do something with my hair…and it's not just wedding presents, but there's some things…little things to buy for everyone back home…you even asked Lexie what she'd like."

"Meredith…we have more days in Italy, we can look for that later, but…today…you're perfect the way you are, your hair, how you look…everything about you is perfect, and you don't need to find a present…you…marrying me…what you said this morning, that's all I need."

She stopped what she was doing, looking for something to wear, and went up to him and hugged him, "you are…without question…my knight …my McDreamy…my love."

"You think…I've earned my name back…"

"Completely…" she hugged him and kissed him and enjoyed being held in his arms, secure in the knowledge they were going to make it.

They were meeting Lucia in the lobby at eight forty five, and Derek managed to slip away telling Meredith he wanted to ask some questions about their next destination.

"Dr. Shepherd good morning, sorry I was calling you Mr. Shepherd, but the front desk this morning they corrected me."

"That is not important, don't worry. But, Lucia I wanted to talk to you, Meredith does not know, it's a surprise but some friends and family are flying in this morning and my sister, I'm going to ask her to speak with you about the wedding, and whatever she decides will be fine. I'm thinking of an early lunch after the ceremony, and I know Meredith hasn't thought of it, but a wedding cake…simple, but we need that, and flowers for her, if you can find something small but please have a sprig of lavender in it, and no roses anywhere, and we need a photographer, I think that would be fine, but my sister Kathleen, she will make all the arrangements for us, I want this to be very special for Meredith."

"Dr. Shepherd, don't worry about anything…I have an idea…I think you will both like, the Hotel Cipriani they have a lovely garden…" she paused, "good morning Ms. Grey."

"Please, call me Meredith, you've been wonderful helping us plan all of this, we don't need to be so formal."

"Thank you, but it wouldn't be proper, I was just telling Dr. Shepherd we have confirmed the appointment at nine thirty, so after ten you will have all day and no worries about the arrangements."

"Lucia, I was thinking…Derek, I haven't said anything, but I just thought of it…I think…we need a cake…very small…but…we should have a cake…take a piece home, you know… store it for a year, that's the custom…I think and we need to do this right," she rambled, "and we need a photographer, Lucia I don't think we said that yesterday, right?"

"No, but the photographer can be arranged, and we can have a cake…I can show you, on the way there is a very wonderful bakery…and they bake wonderful cakes."

"We'll cut it right at the Palazzo, is that right, and we'd want to take a piece home, that's the custom, so maybe it can be packed properly and then shipped to us?" Meredith asked.

"Yes, we can do that," she said looking at Derek, who smiled, mouthing the words, Kathleen, later, "now, we should go, so we can look at the cake and see if you like what they have."

"I'm sure it will be fine," Meredith said reaching out for Derek's hand as they walked out together, and as Lucia had mentioned stopped at the bakery and Meredith chose a simple cake design.

"Meredith, we're going to have pictures…I don't want people to think I'm cheap when they look at a tiny cake," he joked.

"Derek, it's just the two of us…I'm sure nobody is going to think that."

"Come on, Meredith…we need a bigger cake," he sounded like a kid she thought, and went along with him.

"It's just a shame, it will go to waste, but we can have a bigger cake."

"I'm sure Lucia can help find some people that will eat the rest…even our witnesses tomorrow can enjoy it," he winked at Lucia who told the baker she would be back shortly to place the order, and Derek meanwhile ordered a small chocolate pastry to keep Meredith occupied and away from the conversation, when Lucia explained in Italian there would be more guests and it was a surprise for the bride that they were having a reception likely at the Cipriani, and she wasn't sure if they would require the cake be ordered from the same location.

They were walking to City Hall (Palazzo Cavalli) when Derek's phone vibrated, and he looked at his message.

-Shep, landed 30 min late, text you right before we get there, you can prepare Grey to withstand the shock

-ass

-you still love me

-brainless…only excuse

-lmao

-see you later

"Who's that Derek?"

"Mark, telling me things are finally back to normal, just getting to go home."

"Must have been one hell of a day at the hospital, unusual, don't you think?"

"Maybe…just a bit," he admitted, worried about how Meredith would react.

They took care of the necessary documentation and Lucia told them they would meet at ten the following morning at the hotel, and Meredith and Derek had several names of reputable jewelers in the city, which they proceeded to visit until he noticed the way she looked at one particular ring at the second place that had been recommended.

"You like that?" he asked, looking at the wide yellow gold ring with intricate detail she was admiring.

"I do…but I won't be able to wear it, the design would catch on gloves," she said, and he insisted she try it on, and he knew she liked it and it fit her perfectly, but she said she'd like a simpler wedding band.

"It doesn't have to be your wedding ring, if you like this…we'll get it too."

"No, you've already bought enough things for me…let's look for our rings," she said.

They were shown a wide selection of rings, and she chose a simple platinum band two millimeters wide. "You don't want anyone to see it," he teased her, "it's smaller than what George got Callie."

"What…" she replied, "you think that…I just want to be able to wear it all the time, and if it's too big I won't be able to. Derek…you think that, you don't like it?"

"Lighten up Grey…" he joked, using the same words she'd said to him lately.

"This…is no time to joke Derek…" she said, her tone surprising him.

"Why not…anytime is a good time to joke," he told her as he circled her waist and placed a kiss on her neck, to the amusement of the sales lady.

"Uhm…"

"Meredith…"

"This is serious," she said, "just because…you've …"

"Just because…I what…"

"You've done this before…maybe it doesn't mean as much to you…" she said quietly.

He pulled her away to the other side of the small store and forced her to look at him, "do you truly believe that? That this is not as important to me?"

She didn't answer him right away, as she fidgeted with her engagement ring, and added barely above a whisper, "I'm…I'd hope it was more important."

"Meredith…please look at me," he said, without touching her, resisting the urge to lift her chin and meet her gaze.

"I told you…" she said lifting her face to look at him, and her eyes shined with unshed tears, "there'd be doubts…and I'm afraid Derek…it's there…always…that we may not work…and I know what I told you this morning, but you say things like this now, and you say you're joking, but she…she had other rings…and I'm choosing something simple, and I'm not sure...except…"

"Ok…" he said, "we need a little time alone here," and walked to the sales lady, and told her they would be back shortly.

"Would you like some privacy, we have a small sitting area…"

"Yes, thank you," he said and walked to Meredith and reached for her hand and followed the woman as she opened the door to a small private area, and closed the door behind them.

"I don't know," he said, as he looked at Meredith who was standing in front of an old antique desk, slightly resting against it with her head down, "what else I can do for you to understand what you mean to me…for you to believe me when I tell you that I have never felt for anyone…especially Addison, what I feel for you…the idea of living my life without you makes my heart ache and all I can feel is emptiness at the thought of you…not being in my life…please…talk to me…tell me…what do I need to do?"

"I've never done this before…I don't know the rules…she did…and your family…they loved her…and I'm just…it's…" she started to say, as she bit her bottom lip, still not meeting his gaze.

"What aren't you sure of," he said softly as he walked to her, inches apart, "you said…you weren't sure except…"

"I wanted…my wedding ring…to be something I could wear all the time…and it's not fancy…but I'm not, and she…I can't compete with her…and maybe…you'll regret how things turned out with her…"

"You don't have to compete with her…Mer…" he said caressing her face, "where is this coming from…you have never had to do that…yes, I was with her, she was my wife, and I loved her when we got married, but since you came into my life…it's only been you…you made me realize what love truly was…the love of my life…and I even told you, she knew, Addie knew…what we had together it was special and unique and that once in a lifetime love…what's made you think like this…I thought we had gotten over that," he told her lightly brushing her lips with his.

"I don't know…just…"

"Just…what love…what made you doubt us…when last night and this morning…"

"She was perfect Derek…from the day I met her…just perfect…and my life all dark and twisty…and a resident…and I can't cook or …"

"She was not perfect…far from it…believe me…I could never…ever regret that things ended with her…she was far from the person I knew…very very different, and she changed…and you…are…without any doubts the only woman that has made me feel as alive as I do…fulfilled…and daring to dream…of our life together…that is all because of you…I love you…only you…and I don't care if you can't cook…I can…or we can hire a housekeeper…our life together can be whatever you want…because all I want…all I need is you in my life…to go to sleep at night with you in my arms…and when I wake up…seeing you makes my life perfect…and that is never going to change."

"You…" she sniffled, "you…really don't care…that I'm not perfect…like her…she had it all together…"

"I love you…just the way you are…and one of the things I love most is that you are nothing like her…you are loyal and compassionate…and kind, and I know…no matter what happened between us…you would never betray our love…"

"I love you…Derek," she said and wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm sorry," she murmured as she buried her face in his neck, "I don't mean to put you through all of this…but…when you said that about my ring…all these emotions just surfaced…and doubts…and I don't want you to regret being impulsive…with our getting married so quickly…I don't think I could stand it…if you had regrets…about us."

"I have no doubts about how I feel about you, and wanting to spend my life with you, so waiting…made no sense…I want to be with you forever…starting now…"

"Derek…so do I…I swear…I do…"

"All right then…" he said and kissed her softly, letting her take the next step, which she did, as she deepened their kiss and molded her body to his.

"I love you…Derek…thank you…for being so patient…and loving me…"

"I will love you…always…remember that, our legend…beyond eternity…"

"Let's get our rings…" she smiled.

"I thought we had yours already," he smiled.

"We do…but yours…it's going to be wider than mine."

"Uhmmm…." He teased, "you're going to camouflage yours, but I'm going to be branded with mine."

"Damn right…I already told you…everyone is going to know you're completely and absolutely taken and off the market."

"I can live with that…a bossy wife."

"But you love me…"

"I adore you…and this…choosing our rings, it is very important to me," he said kissing her lightly before walking out and joining the sales lady.

"We're going to take this one, but we need it for tomorrow, and I'd love to have an inscription, is that possible on such short notice?" Derek asked her.

"Yes, absolutely, the store it's not so big out front but we have a very exclusive workshop in the back, and we can get this done for you without any problem. Is the size correct," she asked Meredith, holding the ring out to her again.

"Yes, it is," she said as she slipped the ring on again, and showed Derek, and then she took off both rings, and tried only the wedding band.

"It's lovely Meredith, it's the perfect size," he told her while holding her hand as he ran his thumb over the ring.

"You really like it?"

"Really."

"Now…yours," she said.

"My branding," he teased, "go ahead…it's only right you pick it out," he said and she looked at three rings, which he tried and then settled for the one she picked, a platinum 3.5 millimeter simple band, with a square finish rather than her rounded one.

"You're going to wear it…everyday…" she said.

"I am…"

"You deserve a medal…" she giggled.

"I do?"

"For being so patient," she said and leaned to him letting him hug her, and then she asked the lady for a piece of paper to write down what she wanted the inscription on his ring to read, and did not let him look at it.

Derek took out his credit card and Meredith took out hers. "What are you doing?" he asked.

"What does it look like I'm doing? Derek, that is a dumb question."

"Meredith…I'm going to pay for this."

"Yes, you are, for my wedding ring. I'm paying for yours, that is the custom."

"Meredith…"

"Derek, we're not going to argue…I told you, we're getting this right."

"It's ridiculous…I can well afford…"

"So can I…remember…my mother was a very reputable…"

"Fine," he said, as he kissed the top of her head, "we follow traditions."

The sales lady looked at his credit card and said, "Mr. Shepherd, what would you like for the inscription on Ms. Grey's ring?"

Derek wrote what he wanted and added a note indicating he also wanted the gold ring and what he wanted inscribed. The lady read it and smiled, as both had chosen the exact words for their wedding bands.

"The rings, I will make sure are ready this evening, and we will deliver them to your hotel," she said, and they thanked her after they had settled the invoices and walked out holding hands.

They walked at a leisurely pace for the next fifteen minutes on the way back to the hotel, window shopping for the most part, when Derek got another message.

-we've checked in, it's 11 let's meet up at 1 for lunch? Get chance to settle in, damn long flight.

-ok at hotel lobby

-ok

-get rid of these, next one you can show grey

"Mark again, I thought he'd be sleeping, isn't it like almost two back home?"

"You know Mark…"

"Manwhore…"

"Look for yourself," he said handing her the phone with the last message

-shep, long fckng day, hope you got laid last night

-don't be an ass

-sure grey feels the same way

-g'night mark

-get laid man

"He is incorrigible," she laughed, "I feel a little bad Derek…"

"About what…"

"He was so excited about being best man."

"We can redo our vows you know…if you want…when we get home."

"Uhmmm…"

"What…you don't want to…"

"We could…that could be nice…maybe, when your Mom comes out…and Kathleen, she said they'd be visiting soon…maybe…it can coincide."

"You really don't mind," he said treading carefully, "I mean…you're ok…with meeting Mom…when we get back? It's not too soon?"

"I told you…you'll probably have to deal with a minor crisis the night before she gets there, but…I want to meet her Derek, I really do…I'm ready to meet her when we get back."

Her answer reassured him just a little, but not enough to forgo all the nervousness, and she picked up on it as he ran his fingers through his hair a couple of times.

"Derek…what's going on?"

"What…what are you talking about?"

"You're nervous…you're acting all weird…well, not weird, just you when you're nervous about something, not that you're nervous that often…but just…Derek…what have you done?"

"Nothing…I have not done anything," he said, and continued walking pulling her along with him.

"I don't think I believe you."

"We're getting married tomorrow…I want it to be a special day for you…I asked him to do me a favor."

"Oh…"

"Yes…I think, you'll be pleased."

"What is it?"

"You'll find out later…trust me…please…"

"I trust you," she said, a bit anxious, but she'd already caused him enough stress earlier, and went along with him and continued to stroll along the streets of Venice, and found herself giggling.

"What's funny?"

"Thinking about Mark…" she laughed.

"Meredith…not a good thing…you thinking about Mark."

"I know you trust me and him…"

"Yeah…but still…"

"I love jealous Derek…"

"I'm not…"

"Uh huh…"

"Ok…fine…but I still trust you," he pouted.

"I love you Derek," she said and stopped and put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Diversion…again…" he chuckled.

"I was just thinking that if he were here, I could tease him…that Venice is the birthplace of the world's greatest lover…and he even wrote a book about it…"

He laughed, "you'd tease him about that…"

"Uh huh…lots to live up to the conquests of Casanova."

"Uhmmm….maybe you can still do that…when we get home I mean…"

"You'll have to remind me," she laughed and continued walking with him, recognizing some of the familiar streets that led back to the hotel, and stopped in front of an antique store, and as they were ready to move along something caught her attention.

"Did you see something you like…do you want to go inside?"

"Actually…Derek…can I have a little time alone…"

"Why…we were going to spend the rest of the day together…"

"We will…but Derek…I …just a while…I need to look for something…and I want find out if I can do something with my hair…"

"Meredith, I told you…you're perfect the way you are…and you're hair, you're not going to cut it…or anything drastic are you?"

"When have you seen me do anything drastic with my hair?"

"Well…you did say…"

"Since you've known me?"

"Ok…fine…but…how long…" he asked, now concerned she may not be back in time to meet up with everyone.

"I don't know a couple of hours…maybe not that long," she said again looking at the window.

"Ok…how about if we meet back at the hotel…say…twelve thirty…twelve forty five?"

"That works…maybe twelve forty five…I'll meet up with you," she said and kissed him goodbye.

"I can't believe I have to spend time alone in Venice," he pouted.

"I think you can survive," she told him and waved him off, as he walked in the same direction they'd just come from, and walked in the store and asked to look at what caught her attention. Twenty minutes later, she left with a wrapped gift and a smile, and walked over to the salon they had suggested , where they told her they could fit her in immediately.

-can't meet you at 1245 got appointment right away; meet you at 2

Derek was disappointed, but he knew she had wanted to do something about her hair, which he could not understand but it was her wedding day, he smiled, and after having taken a wrong turn, finally found his way back to the jewelry store where they'd purchased their wedding bands.

The sales lady was surprised to see him again, but he told her he had something in mind and wondered if they could make it, and after describing what he wanted she called in someone from the back, and was assured what he wanted could be made and delivered in three weeks time in Seattle.

He went back to the hotel after having told Mark to move their meeting to later thus allowing the very tired travelers extra time to rest, all that was but Mark, where Derek headed to wait for Meredith and found himself sharing her earlier insecurities about Addison. Mark was a good listener, the deep connection between them quite evident as the repentant brother heartily congratulated Derek and thanked him for allowing him to share this very important day of his new life with Meredith. They also joked about the flight experience, both cracking up at the relationships that had unfolded between Lexie, Cristina and his Mom.

"Ok…Shep, get your ass out of here, I want at least an hour to sleep."

"You realize that's the worst thing you can do…"

"Yeah…but I'm still going to do it…I'm not twenty anymore…"

"Yep…that's for damn sure," he laughed.

"Hey…my body is tired after twenty four hours of traveling…I can assure you nothing else has been affected."

"Whatever you say…"

"Ah…I get it… that's why you haven't gotten laid…Shep, man…there's these little blue pills," he laughed.

"You ass…" Derek scolded, "if you remember…Meredith just…"

"Sorry…man…I should have realized…"

"It's ok…we should be…just fine…tonight…"

"Don't count on it…" Mark roared laughing.

"What the hell are you laughing about…"

"Let's talk tonight…" he laughed again, "you may be in for a surprise."

"Don't be an ass…Mer and I…we've already planned this evening."

"You're right," he said, still laughing, "now get the hell out of here…I have to get at least an hour's sleep."

Derek went to his room, by this time he was starving and munched on some fruits he'd picked up while he was out, and stretched out on the bed waiting for Meredith and fell asleep.

"Derek," he heard her voice, "I'm back," as she murmured against his lips, "and I'm starving."

He opened his eyes slowly, "uhmmm…" he responded by capturing her lips.

"Uhmmm…I could forgo food…and stay here…I'm starving for this…too…"

He gave in to her kiss as she pressed her body into him, "wait," he said suddenly, "what time is it…"

"Who cares…we have all day…and night…" she said kissing him deeply again… "staying here…room service…much better idea…"

"No…we can't, it's…oh my God, it's almost two…" he said as he looked at his watch.

"Derek… what is wrong with you…"

"We have to go…I mean…downstairs, I agreed to meet someone…"

"Meet someone…Derek, we don't know anyone here…"

"Meredith…please…trust me…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith," he said, noticing her hair, and smiling sat up on the bed next to her, "you look beautiful, I love the lighter shades…the highlights…your hair looks like the night we met."

"You noticed…really… I wanted something lighter…and my hair was lighter that night…and I thought you'd like this…for our wedding."

"I love it, but they cut it too…"

"They only trimmed the length, hardly anything…"

"Mer…you look beautiful…"

"I thought you said I didn't need to do anything…that I was perfect…" she teased him.

"You always look beautiful to me…but I love how you look right now…" he told her as he cupped her face and kissed her.

"Derek…I think…we should stay in…the rest of the day…" she insisted, kissing him deeply…enticing him…very convincingly.

"Uhmmm…I would…I want to…but…we'll come back here…just right now…we'll meet downstairs, and then …"

"Derek…that but…is not very assuring…we don't do well with buts…"

"It's nothing like that," he said, running his fingers through his hair.

"Ok…Derek Shepherd…you tell me what's going on right now," she demanded, her hand on her hip.

"Meredith…just…fifteen minutes, that's all…come on…"

"Fifteen minutes…"

"Yes…and…you…maybe you want to put some lipstick on…"

"What…you've never told me to put lipstick on…what in the hell…"

"Meredith…put lipstick on…you look pretty with lipstick, I don't care if you wear any or not, but later… if you don't wear lipstick…or whatever else it is you do…you'll get mad at me if I didn't tell you…so…just…do whatever…"

"Derek you better have a damn good explanation…"

"I hope so…"

"What…" she said as she put on lipstick, "you're …Derek…I'm going to kill you," she said as he pulled her along and walked out of the hotel room.

They were walking down the stairs, they'd been doing that instead of taking the elevator when he saw the group sitting down by the bar, all but his mother, and he frowned.

"Derek…you're frowning, what is going on," she said and stopped, "I'm not going anywhere until you tell me."

"Do you remember what I said…that I wanted this to be special, our wedding…"

"Derek," she interrupted, and fidgeted with her rings, "what…what's going on…"

"Just remember…I love you…and all I wanted was to make our wedding day special…"

"Derek," she said, reaching for his hand as he pulled her along with him, talking the last few steps and turning towards the bar.

"Meredith…I love you…" he said and kissed her softly, "that's…that's the only reason…I did this…to surprise you…" he said and trailed off as she looked up and saw four familiar faces sitting down, drinks sitting on the small table in front of them, while one lone figure watched from the stairs where they'd stood moments earlier.

She stood motionless, and then slowly turned to him and her eyes filled with tears as she let go of his hand. He was about to panic when she put her arms around him and buried her face in his chest and cried softly, and murmured "I love you…I love you so much…thank you," she said and then looked up at him, "thank you…you brought my family…our family," and she placed both hands on his face and brought her lips to his.

The lone figure watched, a single tear escaping as she raised her hand and stopped its flow, and closed her eyes and sent a silent prayer; then an intimate message, they're like us Irish…just like us, she said using the nickname they'd shared during the short years they had been together, a love which had withstood the painful and final separation.

"Hey," he whispered, "I think there's some wedding guests that would like to say hello to you," and he kissed her forehead, "and some would like to meet you."

"It's Kathleen's husband," she said.

"Yep…that's who that is," he said, as he wiped away her tears and holding her hand walked closer to the group, all of whom stood to greet them.

Kathleen was the first to reach her, "I cannot tell you how happy I am to be here," she said hugging her, "meet my husband…" she said pointing to him and reaching out to embrace Derek.

"Hey little brother…my feeling was right…I'd be seeing you soon…and my passport came in handy."

"It certainly did," he laughed, extending his hand to his brother in law, "Kevin, this is Meredith, since Kathleen forgot to mention his name."

"It's a pleasure to finally meet you Meredith," he said extending his hand to her.

"I'm so pleased to meet you as well, and glad you are both here."

"We would not have missed this," Kevin said, and then both men embraced, patting each other on the back, "I've missed you Shep."

"Well, that won't happen again, since Kat said you're coming to visit."

"Damn right I am, as soon as I we get back…I'm planning…"

"Not for a while honey," Kathleen told him, "wait till the honeymoon wears off."

"Kat…if you and I are any indication…" he smiled as he hugged her, "we'll be waiting twenty years," he teased and kissed her.

"Ok, you two, break it up…we had enough of that on the nine hour flight."

"You're just jealous Sloan," Kevin laughed.

"Probably," Mark laughed and enveloped Meredith in a hug. "Grey…you look beautiful."

"You…you knew all along, you and Derek, " she said kissing his cheek, "when did you plan this… how did you get the time off…and you…" she turned to Lexie and Cristina.

"Don't ask me," Cristina said, trying to remain unaffected at the happiness she had seen on her friend's face, "Sloan called and said be ready for a six thirty flight, and all hell broke lose."

"It did not," Lexie laughed as she hugged her sister, "Mer…you do look beautiful, your hair is lighter and you're radiant."

"I'm happy Lex…really happy," she said and hugged her sister back, "I'm so glad you're here…to share this day with me…with us," she said and reached for Derek's hand and squeezed it gently earning a smile from him in response.

"Cristina…I'm glad you're here," Meredith told her and stood next to her, "thank you…" and she found herself hugged very briefly, "I'm glad too…Mer…that I could be here for my person."

The welcome greetings out of the way, Meredith felt more composed and her happiness was evident even as she attempted to scold, "Derek Christopher Shepherd," she smiled, "no more secrets," she said kissing him soflty, "tell me…how you pulled this off, when, how did they get the time off…you didn't know…I mean…we had not planned on getting married here…so…how…I can't believe you did this…all of them."

The lone woman descended the stairs, a smile upon her lips as her gaze met his, and he walked up to meet her and allowed himself the comfort of her embrace, "I have missed you so much," she said, "you have no idea…how very much I've missed you."

"I love you," he said, hugging her tightly, "thank you, for being here, for me…for her…"

"I love you, Derek…and now, it's time you introduce us, don't you think?"

Derek looked at Meredith's shocked expression and walked up to her a bit unsure of her reaction, "Meredith," he said reaching for her hand squeezing it gently, "this is my Mom."

"Meredith," she said, "it's wonderful to meet you," she smiled, unsure of the reaction she was expecting, and her smile faded as Meredith extended her hand to her.

"Mrs. Shepherd," she said quietly, surprising both her and Derek with the formality, and the others understanding the significance of this meeting, quietly walked away as the two most important women in his life stood, facing one another and holding each other's hand.

"Sweetheart, you are beautiful…" she said breaking down the barriers, "Meredith, finally I get to meet you…I have a new daughter," she said as she reached out to her and embraced her, and Meredith for the first time in her adult life felt what it was like to be hugged by a mother, without reservations or expectations, and his mother heard the soft and deep intake of breath, and the suppressed sob, "it's ok…it's all going to be ok…I'm here…from now on…if you let me…I can be a very gentle mother…"

Derek understood their need for each other, and took a few steps back giving them privacy, and he sent a silent prayer. God…thank you…for letting me give her this…for Mom wanting to love her…and Dad, he said as he felt his heart fill with the deepest of emotions, I can feel you're here…your presence is here…with Mom…but I wish you could be here with us, you'd love Mer…I love her Dad, just I as know you loved Mom…and Derek closed his eyes, certain he'd felt his father by his side, a smile upon his lips as he watched the woman he'd loved holding Meredith, his daughter in law, in her arms.

"You came…" Meredith finally said, "you're here…for our wedding."

"Sweetheart, where else would I be?"

"He needs you," she said as she wiped her tears away, "I'm so glad…so glad you're here."

"I'm hoping," Mrs. Shepherd said, as she reached up and stroked her hair, "just a little…that maybe you need me here too."

Meredith, choked back the tears, "I do…I didn't know how much…how much I've needed your hug."

"That's the first of many, Meredith," she said, still holding her close, while as only a mother could, expertly located her son and with her eyes motioned him over to her and when he was next to her, brought his and Meredith's hands together.

"I have waited a long time," she said, "to hug my children, to help heal their sadness," and embraced them both, as she swore she felt his presence and the all too familiar echoes of a voice from far away, "I'm here Irish…I love you," and she smiled with her own silent message, "Irish…I've never stopped loving you…and now…it's their turn…watch over them love."


	140. Chapter 140

**Ch 136 – Unexpected wedding customs **

"Meredith…Derek…" Mrs. Shepherd said softly as she continued to embrace them, "you have no idea how very much it means to me to be here with you."

"Mom…" he said, "I think I do…because it means everything to me," and pulled back from her embrace and kissed her cheek, then turned to Meredith and kissed her lips lightly, "to have the two most important women in my life…here…at this moment."

"Well, dear," she said hugging him, "I can guarantee there will be more moments like this… you are going to see a lot more of me…and…you, both of you I hope will start thinking about visiting me as well."

Meredith remained quiet, taking a step back and placing a small distance between them, observing and marveling at the evident closeness between Derek and his mom. But, she felt a tinge of sadness for all the time they had spent apart, while it also warmed her heart and gave her hope, that maybe…just maybe, she too would get a chance to experience the unbreakable bonds of family.

"Meredith," he said, immediately noticing her retreat, and drew her close as he put his arm around her waist, and whispered in her ear, "you're too quiet, you ok?"

She nodded smiling, recognizing she was deeply affected and knew her emotions could very well get the best of her.

"I think," Mrs. Shepherd said as she reached for Meredith's hand, "we should find a comfortable place to sit and talk a bit, and you're going to find, I'm not nearly as horrible as my children make me out to be," she teased, and kissed Meredith's cheek, "truly, I'm a wonderful mother in law."

"Mom…"

"Yes, dear, you're not going to pretend you and your sisters have not been bad mouthing me for years."

"No, I won't pretend," he joked, "you certainly earned your Mother Superior reputation," and was glad to finally get a response from Meredith.

"Derek," she said, "that is not a nice thing to say."

"It's ok, Meredith, I can certainly hold my own," Mrs. Shepherd said as she sat down on one of the couches set among the marble Venetian gothic columns, leaving no choice for either of them to follow her lead, and winked at her and placed her hand on top of hers once she sat next to her.

"How was your flight," Meredith asked.

"It was delightful, it was a wonderful opportunity to get to know Lexie and Cristina, they care a great deal about you."

"You…you got to know them…and they talked, I mean…they said things…"

"Oh, no," she smiled, "Cristina didn't speak all that much, but it's what she didn't say, she's not a very big fan of Derek. But Lexie, she told me she was convinced he was going to be her brother in law," she smiled indulgently.

"Oh my God," Meredith mumbled, looking at Derek, "I'm sorry, she…Cristina she shouldn't have…"

"It's ok Meredith, I understood…she's looking out for her friend."

"Mom, there were reasons she feels that way...but we've called truce."

"That's good dear, and it was very nice you included her."

"Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Meredith," she said gently squeezing her hand, "what happened to Mrs. S?"

"I…just…well, that was easy…on email, but now…you're Derek's mom, and I just met you…and they talked…talked about me…and I'm not very good at this… I told you, not good with emotional intimacy, but I'm trying…really…and family, not…just…not " she trailed off, feeling an overwhelming desire to feel his arms around her and began fidgeting first with her watch, then her ring.

Derek recognized the nervous habit, and placed his arm over her shoulder bringing her close to him, "I love you," he whispered and heard her soft and quick intake of breath.

"I'm…it's…she's here," she said as she turned to meet his gaze.

"Yes…she is," he smiled, "she wanted to be."

"She…" Mrs. Shepherd interrupted gently, "is right here, listening."

"Oh…I'm sorry…that was rude, I just…Mrs. S…"

"How about Ailene?"

"Ailene…" she questioned.

"I take it my son never shared my name with you…as I'm only known as Mom…or too often relegated as take that back…" she joked.

"He…he's never said that, about…well, he did mention Nancy said that, and you did…but he…only said…you were Maloney."

"It figures doesn't it…"

"Mrs. Shep…"

"Meredith dear, call me Ailene…please, until you feel you want to call me Mom."

"You…you really know how to bring out the sentimental in me…and…I'm really good at not doing that."

"It's part of my job…" she smiled and squeezed her hand, "it comes with almost fifty years of mothering…"

"You're… really really good at it," Meredith smiled softly.

"Oh…you bet I am…and, I'm counting on having a lot of years still ahead of me…probably until you too will want to stop answering my emails," she laughed.

"Believe me Mom, it won't take that many years," Derek joked.

"Derek," Meredith scolded him, swatting his arm.

"Don't mind him, I don't pay any attention to them…and you already know some of my secrets," she told Meredith.

Meredith had rested her head against his shoulder, beginning to feel more at ease.

"I didn't say anything…I mean about you knowing if they're online…or that they…"

"I know you haven't…so we'll continue to keep it between us, unless this big mouth here."

"Mom…" Derek protested.

"For heaven's sake Derek, you know it's true, you can't keep a secret, your dad and I never could keep you quiet, Meredith he would not shut up."

"Thanks Mom," he said in mock offense.

"You're welcome dear, it's only fair she knows."

"Mrs…"

"Meredith…please…no formalities…"

"Ailene," she said, and her mother in law saw and felt her emotions, "I'm happy you're here."

"I would not have given up this moment for anything, being here with the two of you as you begin your life together."

"Thank you…I know…you don't know me…but…we're…I'm …this is…soon…"

"I know…" she said, reaching for her hand, "it's something really big, getting married…"

"Oh no, I meant meeting you," she blurted out.

She laughed, "I felt very similar when I first met Derek's grandmother."

"You did?"

"I did…I was petrified of the tiny Irish lady…who by the way beat me as Mother Superior, but she was the most wonderful mother in law, though I never called her anything but Mom."

"Uhmm…" Meredith said, and thought back to Derek's comment that he did not have grandparents.

"We have all the time in the world," Mrs. Shepherd smiled.

Derek's phone vibrated, "not quite," he said as he answered.

"Yes, Mark."

"Shep, get your ass over here, we didn't fly half way around the world to have you and Grey sequestered…"

"We're with Mom."

"I didn't expect you to leave her behind, now get over here and join us, we're at

Caffe Florian, right around the corner facing St. Mark's."

"We'll be there shortly," he said smiling as he disconnected.

"Derek," his mother said, as sitting next to Derek she could hear Mark's booming voice, "he does not change."

"Always a big, irresponsible kid."

"Something like that," his mother agreed, "now dear, why don't you get your coats so we can join them, I really would like something to eat."

"Sure…Meredith, do you need anything from upstairs," he said, extending his hand to her offering her a few minutes of privacy between them, but she surprised him and declined.

"Just my coat and my purse."

"Ok..." he said hesitantly.

"Derek, go on, she will be fine, I don't bite."

"I'll be right back," he said and walked away, one last quick glance at the two women before going up the stairs.

"He's very protective," Mrs. Shepherd observed.

"He's…he hovers a lot…and yes, he's been very protective lately."

"Meredith…you promised me nothing was wrong with either of you, health wise, nothing was wrong."

"There isn't… I told you…just…we can talk later…please, I'm not ready for this."

"You are sure…there is nothing wrong?"

"Not anymore…we're together and it's…it hasn't been easy…but, I think he agrees with me…getting here…today…we're getting married, it's what we both want."

"He loves you," she stated, "I have no doubts about that."

"I love him," she responded, "he is…he's that brightness in my life," she admitted, "after far too much darkness, and it scares me that maybe…I don't deserve him…but he's convinced me and I'm not going to give up on being happy."

"Oh sweetheart," she said reaching for her hand, "I know my son, and the way he looks at you, the way he speaks about you…he feels he doesn't deserve you in many ways…but now, you're making a commitment, you're getting married…for a lifetime, and I can see that you both feel the same way about each other."

"I love him more than I ever thought possible, I didn't grow up with that…he did, he had you and your family…he wants all of that, and I need… I want to try to give that to him, to build that with him…and he knows…it's not easy…but I'm trying…"

"Meredith, you are more than trying…you're making it happen," she assured her, and leaned close to her and kissed her cheek, and their eyes connected and reflected was the love they both felt for the same man. A mother's unconditional and deep rooted love and concern for her only son, and a woman's wonder that this man loved her, loved her in spite of all her issues, and her love for him amidst her doubts made her vulnerable and for once in her life fearless, secure that their love would conquer all.

"I am…we are going to make it happen. Ailene," she said as her eyes watered, "I love him…and I will do all I can so I never hurt him again…together, and our dreams… we're going to make our dreams come true."

"I know you will…and I also know, he will do all he can to never hurt you again," she said and embraced her, and in that hug the foundation of a relationship recently began through modern means of communication with email messages, was now cemented in the age old ritual of two vulnerable people reaching out for the other and in a heartwarming and emotional embrace transmitted and unspoken commitment of trust and new found affection. One woman used to mothering and nurturing, the other offering a silent thank you, at first, for the just discovered hope of them being part of her life.

"Thank you…for being here, I needed you."

"I needed you too Meredith."

Derek watched the exchange before joining them, and cleared his throat before speaking past the lump in his throat.

"Mom…Meredith…is…everything ok?"

"Yes…dear," Ailene Shepherd answered, visibly emotional, "I've a new daughter."

"Meredith…"

"She…she's a great Mom…" she said and wiped away a tear.

"So…you're both ok…but there's tears…"

"Derek," his mom smiled, now composed, "I've never believed what your sisters say about you, but…"

"Brainless," Meredith quipped while she smiled at him and his mom.

"Very fitting it seems," his mom said as she reached for his hand and pulled gently for him to sit down.

"Speaking of my sisters, did you tell them that we're getting married?"

"Of course, do you think it's possible at Sunday dinner to keep that kind of news quiet?"

"Well, they haven't said anything, that surprised me…usually they'd bombard with questions," he said surprised and maybe even a little hurt that they had not acknowledged the news.

"Very simple reason dear, they were warned by Kat and me they were to leave you alone, and if they did not, we would not send any wedding pictures or details."

"You did what?" he asked incredulously.

"Derek, did you really want all three of your sisters trying to contact you? They would drive you batty dear, they did me, during Sunday's dinner."

"You blackmailed them," he laughed.

"I would not say that, necessarily."

"Really," he asked, as Meredith looked on amused by their banter, "what would you call it?"

"A mother's prerogative," she said simply, and all three of them laughed.

"Mom…"he said, "thank you, for being here."

"I told you already, there's no place I'd rather be," and squeezed both their hands, revealing a gold bracelet.

"Mom, you still wear that," he said referring to a charm bracelet he loved to ask questions about as a child.

"Always Derek, at special occasions."

"I remember," he said a tinge of melancholy in his voice, "Mer, Dad gave her that, and I'd always ask her questions and him about each of the charms, and there was always a story."

"He never tired of hearing the same stories," she said, "though my husband would every so often change them and Derek, of all the kids would be the one to question him about it."

"It's beautiful," Meredith said, as she looked at it closer.

"He gave it to me for our first wedding anniversary, with these two charms," she pointed, one of them a gold outline of a baby girl's face. "Kathleen was already born so it has her birth date, and then kept adding one for each baby…and then this was the last one…our anniversary," she said sadness in her voice, "but then, with the first grandbaby, Kathleen she added one, told me she knew her Dad would have done so…to celebrate our first grandchild, and she said there would surely be many more grandchildren so there'd be one girl and one boy, and you see," she said, "each of the grandchildren's face has two dates…the first girl and the last girl born, same with the boys…so as soon as Jenna has her baby that date will replace the last one…"

Derek breathed in deeply, as he saw the sadness in Meredith's face.

"That's…that's a beautiful tradition," Meredith spoke softly.

"It is…and one day…your …" she smiled, but Derek stopped her before she finished her sentence, leaving his Mom surprised at how quickly he changed the subject, especially since the last time they spoke he had said they hoped to have children one day.

"Mom, Meredith, we really should go, they're waiting for us."

"Yes, we should, but first," she said looking at them both, "Meredith…Derek…I know…from what you've said, that you've been through a difficult time, but, now…I have to say, when I look at you…how the two of you look at one another…and it truly warms my heart to see how much love there is between you. Thank you…for wanting to share this very special day with me."

"I love you Mom, and Meredith…I wanted her to have family…her family here on our wedding day."

"Ailene…" Meredith spoke, "you being here, all of you…Derek…thank you."

"I told you…the rest of our lives…I want you to be happy," he said forgetting his Mom and kissing Meredith.

"I am…you…just you… make me happy, but…this, this surprise for our wedding, thank you," she murmured against his lips and briefly deepened their kiss.

"Children…" she smiled indulgently, "I'm an old lady…behave."

"Old lady," he laughed, "more like a sly old fox."

"Thank you dear, I'm glad you've noticed, just don't forget it," she chuckled. "You know, it's a good thing it's not tourist season and we've had this entire lobby practically to ourselves."

"Let's go," he said, just as his phone vibrated again, "we've got wedding guests to entertain," he said to Meredith.

"More like your immature brother to entertain," Ailene Shepherd corrected.

"Mom…you've got kids, just a bunch of kids waiting for us to arrive."

"That is true dear, I got a glimpse of that on the way here…when do you all grow up?"

Derek helped both women rise from the sofa, first helping his mother then Meredith with their coats, and walked out of the lobby, heading to one of the city's oldest symbols and very likely Italy's oldest café at St. Mark's Square.

Derek reached for Meredith's hand once they walked out the doors, and smiled as his mother on the other side of Meredith, linked her arm through hers, and he was delighted Meredith offered not resistance, but rather smiled at his mother, as they continued the short walk to meet their family.

"It was about time," they heard Mark's voice, as they neared the group who'd chosen to sit outside, and had a wide array of drinks in front of them, "you've made us wait long enough Shep," he laughed, when they were standing near added, "but not nearly as long as Meredith has," and immediately felt the repercussions as Kathleen and Lexie reached out and smacked him.

"Hey, that hurt," he complained.

"It's going to hurt even more," Mrs. Shepherd said as she went and sat next to him, "if you don't behave and watch what you say."

"She knows I love her, right Grey…"

"Try loving her a little less," she reprimanded, gently touching his arm, "and don't speak about her private business."

Cristina and Lexie were astonished as they'd seen Meredith arm linked with Mrs. Shepherd as they walked towards them, Cristina much more so, evident by a slight frown, while Lexie smiled.

"Hi Ailene," Lexie said, "did you get a bit of rest?"

"Lexie," Meredith chimed in, "that's not very respectful."

"Mer, we spent hours talking, she asked me to call her that."

"Yes, dear I did, and we're family now, no need for such formality. Mark, order me a drink please."

"Tequila, scotch, bourbon, what's your preference," he joked.

"One of each," she teased back.

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, "you shouldn't be so obvious about your vices."

"I'm getting old dear, you know your old senile mother."

"Oh yeah…the old wily fox…" Kevin laughed, "with a secret admirer."

"Kevin," Kathleen scolded, "you're not supposed to talk about that," she said as she tried to keep from smiling at the look on her brother's face and then the others when her mother played along.

"It's fine Kathleen, they have to know I have a, what is it you call it dear, a what buddy?"

"Mom," Derek spat out in shock, "you…you can't be serious…what's happened to you, this is not…Kathleen are you crazy, to let her talk this way…"

"What way dear," his mom interrupted, "I have a travel buddy."

"You have a what?"

"A travel buddy," she said concealing her laughter, "he's joining me for a couple of weeks in Italy."

"You have a travel buddy, a man, a buddy that is joining you here, in Italy…"

"Derek," Meredith said somewhat, but not entirely amused as she wasn't quite sure if they were all putting him on, and placed her arm on top of his, and quietly told him, "let her talk."

"Let her talk," he repeated in a monotone voice.

"Yes…Derek," Kathleen said while the three East coast guests laughed.

"That," he said in a serious tone, "is not funny."

"Lighten up dear," his Mom said, "I'm used to their teasing…and Derek, I do know about sex…just a little bit," alluding to the buddy reference.

The group cracked up at her comment, all except Derek.

"You know Mom," Kevin said winking at her and Kathleen, "I've actually always wondered about that…I mean you had five kids…how much did you really know?"

"Kevin, don't be an ass," Derek told him.

"You know what Kevin, I don't think we figured it out…till after Jenna was born," she laughed.

"How can you …you never let them tease you this way before," Derek said.

"I've had to keep up with the times…keep up with the grandchildren, so I have to know all the terms out there…and your older nieces and nephews, thanks to these two, started teasing about grandma having a buddy."

"And you let them…Mother Superior with all of us, lets them tease her with sexual innuendos."

"Better they talk to their grandmother, than not…just you wait, Derek Christopher…just you wait till you have kids, you'll know what I'm talking about, " she said and while immediately noticing the silence that settled among the group, though Meredith was the first to speak.

"I think you're absolutely right, and it's wonderful you can tease and joke with them and all of us," she said, and Mrs. Shepherd who was sitting next to her, patted her hand.

"Thank you dear, now Derek…stop being so serious."

"Mom…you're talking about traveling for two weeks in Italy with a man…"

"It's your uncle…"

"My uncle…an uncle is your travel buddy and secret admirer," he raised his voice.

"Shep, we're putting you on man, she doesn't have a secret admirer. It's not a secret, we all know about it."

"You what?" Derek raised his voice and got up from the chair and Meredith grabbed his hand and pulled him down.

"Sit down Derek, my travel buddy is indeed your uncle…as your aunt hates to travel, but that is just in terms of we do all our travel planning together and your aunt just comes along and plays tourist, they are in fact flying directly to Rome, where I am meeting them

on Sunday."

"You all knew about this," Derek asked the group.

He heard a chorus of affirmations, "well, we knew she's staying for two weeks with your aunt and uncle, but not about the admirer," Mark answered.

"I thought you said…" Derek started, but was interrupted.

"Oh…that, is just an old friend that takes me out to dinner every couple of weeks."

"Mom…"

"Derek…you are not a child and neither am I."

"You mean…" he turned to Kathleen, "you're ok with this…Mom's dating."

Ailene Shepherd laughed out loud, "oh dear, no, I am not dating, we are just very good friends, his wife passed away about two years ago, and he was part of the church group for bereavement, you know I have helped with that for many years."

"Hhmm…" Derek pouted.

"Toughen up, Shep," Mark said.

"Shut up, this is none …"

"Derek," Meredith interrupted, "don't…please," she said as she leaned over and kissed him, "we're here, with our family…celebrating our engagement…"

"Our wedding," he said, softening his voice.

"That's right…let's…enjoy this."

He kissed her back, "sorry…just not used to thinking of Mom…"

"I know…but, she's wonderful Derek…let's enjoy this."

"Sorry guys," he said, and had most of them surprised at his apology, "Mom, I'm sorry…I seem to have lost my sense of humor."

"It's all right dear, we were not very nice in stringing you along," she said and got up and kissed his cheek. "Now, Mark, are you going to get me that drink?"

"We already ordered you one of each," he laughed, "and this," he said as he handed her one of three newly delivered flutes with champagne, "so we can toast."

"Meredith, Shep…" Mark started as he got up and walked to stand beside them, "I am humbled and honored, and yes, no snickering," he said shooting a glare to Cristina, "that you chose me as your best man and that Meredith…has allowed me to be her…knight…" he smiled as he reached over for her hand and kissed it lightly, "these last several weeks…I've been," he paused and cleared his throat, "privileged to be called your friend, your brother again and you can count on me for whatever you need. But, today…right now…we make a toast, to two people…I believe have been meant to be together since the day they met…and we are lucky to be here to share the day you will pledge your commitment to each other…we wish you a lifetime of love and happiness."

"Cheers…" was echoed by all present, and in an age old custom of many cultures touched their glasses and heard the sound of crystal ensuring good luck and good fortune.

The waiter informed them their table inside was ready, and the group after another glass of champagne was escorted to a table set for eight in one of the famous salons that through its almost three hundred year history had been privy to matters of State as well as local and frivolous gossip. Now, the same walls would be witness to yet another major accomplishment, the first family gathering of a new legendary couple.

"Mom," Kathleen spoke tauntingly, "isn't it amazing our very own Mark…shares the name of the square and cathedral."

"Kat," she replied, "don't be sacrilegious…and even suggest he's…" she said, but before she continued started to laugh, "I'm sorry, Mark…she just set that up in such a way, I could not resist, you know, we love you."

"I'm beginning to wonder," he said, pretending to pout, and Lexie sitting across from came to his defense.

"Mark, you know they're kidding," Lexie smiled, and reached across the table and placed her hand on his arm, and winked at him, "we love you in spite of your …you know…"

"You being an ass," Cristina finished for her, and had Kathleen and Kevin laughing.

"Lexie, Cristina," Meredith scolded, "what is wrong with you two…Derek's mom is here."

"Mer we are kidding, he's been pretty amazing the last twenty four hours," Cristina admitted.

"Oh, he's been amazing even longer than that," Lexie added, "he is afterall, Mer's knight."

"Lexie," Meredith looked at her seriously, the older sister in full force, "you are still flirting with him…what did I tell you about that?"

"Oh, dear, they've been doing that since we've been traveling," Ailene added.

"They've what…" Meredith repeated, "Mark…Lexie…"

"It's ok Meredith, I've already told him he's way too old for her."

"Ailene, Mark knows no limits…and he is too old for her."

"At least my age is not showing," he roared.

"What…are you talking about?"

"Nothing Mer…just ruffling some blue …feathers."

"Mark…" Derek warned.

"Don't worry old man…" Mark laughed, "blue's the magic word."

"Oh my God…" Cristina laughed, "Sloan, you are truly an ass," she said laughing again, "blue indeed, I'd never have guessed."

"What are you guys laughing about," Meredith asked.

"Ignore him," Derek said, "he is an ass," he said and kissed her softly, "and we know better," he said caressing her thigh.

Meredith instantly understood the blue connotation, and reached out and smacked Mark across the back of the head, "you are lucky you're already here…or you would not be his bestman," and both she and Derek started laughing, "you …jerk."

"Children, we're at the dinner table, behave," Mrs. Shepherd told them, "and let's eat, this looks absolutely delicious, whoever made these choices…they look wonderful."

"Thanks Mom," Kathleen stated, "now, we need to get down to business, time's running out."

"Whatever for Kathleen, I think Derek and Meredith have taken care of most things."

"Not really, I spent forty minutes talking to the wedding planner earlier."

"You spoke to Lucia," Meredith asked, "when, why?"

"Well, Derek left me a note to call her and we talked about the reception."

"Reception…" Meredith said in surprise.

"I spoke to her this morning," Derek said quietly, "I thought we needed that…for us to celebrate and I told her Kathleen would call her, so you wouldn't worry about it."

Meredith's eyes watered and she turned to Derek, "you did this…them coming…a reception…for me…" and they were the only two people that existed, while their family looked on and each and everyone understood the depth of the love shared between them.

"I'd do anything for you…you have no idea…you are everything to me," he finished quietly as his vision blurred with the tears in his eyes, before she leaned in to kiss him.

"I love you Derek…that night…" she said, and he brought her close to him, "that night…Brianna…and now…never have I loved you more."

"I love you too Meredith…you have no idea how much."

"I do…I do know…because you've done all you've promised…your heart…your words…your touch…I love you just as much."

Kevin reached for Kathleen's hand, as he too understood the significance of their words, and kissed his wife softly.

Cristina tried to hold on to the memories of Derek's past mistakes, but couldn't, not after being witness to these moments between them, at least temporarily she thought.

Mark and Lexie resorted to humor, "I told you Xena."

"I knew first, that he'd be my brother in law," she said wiping away a tear, "while you were making bets about twenty –three days."

Ailene Shepherd dabbed at her eyes and didn't attempt to hide her tears, and thought, "I was right Irish…it's their turn now…and I expect to feel your presence by my side tomorrow."

"Let me fill you in," Kathleen said, "Meredith, you're going to love the place that Lucia suggested…absolutely beautiful, I can show you later, but it's truly beautiful, and she said Derek liked it."

"You…saw it," Meredith asked.

"She told me about it, and it sounded nice, so I let her tell Kathleen about."

"We can go see it Meredith, we really do need to talk through everything for tomorrow, " she began and with it a whirlwind of conversations where everyone had their say, and the banter amongst all of them continued.

"Ok, Mer…let's make sure we have everything, all the legalities are taken care of, right Derek," Lexie asked as she made notes, and he agreed, "and we need to be there by ten fifteen…and oh my God, you need a dress…we brought ours, but you…Meredith, you need to have a dress, and then we can't forget traditions…it's good luck, something old, something new, something borrowed and something blue."

"Lexie, how do you know these things," Meredith laughed.

"Mer, everyone knows these things, every little girl knows this…" she said, and stopped realizing she did not have a normal life with Ellis, "I'm sorry…I meant…well…"

"It's ok Lex, you can tell me about it…"

"I remember…" Cristina said, "and we need a shower…I was forced to have one…so you need a bridal shower and drinking."

"Cristina, I'm getting married tomorrow…I hardly think…"

"Of course we'll have one…that's why I said we were running out of time…" Kathleen added.

"Shep, Sloan," Kevin said, "I think we should leave the women alone, and let them take care of things, let's get out of here."

"That's an excellent idea Kevin, the three of you should leave us to plan," his mother in law told him.

"Meredith," Derek asked, "you ok…"

"Yes…I'm fine…"

"Meredith…"

"Our 'fine' Derek…really," she said and kissed him softly.

"Ok, old man, we should go," Mark told him, "do you have your dress to wear?"

"Mark, don't be an idiot," Kathleen told him, "I'm sure he has his suit."

"I do, I packed a suit, Meredith and I, we're going out tonight."

"Oh, no…you can't wear an old suit, and not if you're planning on wearing it tonight. We're in Italy Shep, finest men's fashion in the world, you have to get a new suit, hell, I'm getting a new suit," Mark told him, "and I'm not getting married."

"We're going out tonight….still…" she asked.

"Uhmmm…"

"Hold on little brother, I think Mom needs to fill you in on some Shepherd wedding traditions."

"What are you talking about Kathleen?"

"Well…"

"Derek, we don't have much time, but we'll do our best to get them all in…so, since it seems everything is taken care of for the ceremony, right Kathleen…flowers…cake?"

"Yes, Derek actually took care of the flowers…"

"You took care of the flowers," Meredith repeated, "when."

"This morning…"

"And the cake and the photographer, Mer and Derek apparently took care of together, according to Lucia, so now we just need to make plans for tonight Mom."

"It's almost four o'clock, girls we need to look for gifts for Meredith's shower, we can have that at the hotel this evening, after dinner, and yes, we don't have a rehearsal dinner, but typically out of town guests are included, and we'll have dinner together."

"Mom…I had plans… a romantic dinner for Meredith and I…"

"Derek…it's a family dinner, the night before the wedding…that's tradition, at least it's been that way for me and all your sisters…so we keep that tradition, and after that…the two of you can say goodnight, and we'll have her shower… just the girls…and of course you boys can take Derek out, but do not under any circumstances get him drunk."

"Mom…really…I don't think…"

"Derek…stop protesting…this is the way it needs to be…after tonight, then you'll have Meredith all to yourself."

"What do you mean after tonight…" he asked, not liking where the conversation was heading, "we have a special evening planned."

"Of course it will be special dear. When's dinner Kathleen around 8 o'clock?"

"That's a good time, that leaves us a bit over two hours to go out and shop and then get ready. Derek, you and Meredith have about fifteen minutes together now, so it will give us time to plan what to get for the shower."

Meredith and Derek looked at each other, their plans for their evening alone, finally their night together, seemed to be disintegrating before their eyes.

"And," they heard his mom say, "typically the bride stays at her home the night before, and the groom cannot see her after midnight, so I guess tonight Derek will have to take my room, and I can stay with Meredith, or she can stay with Lexie and Cristina."

"What…" Derek barked.

"Cheer up old man…you've got one more night to wait," Mark patted him on the back, and roared laughing, "who'd have thought…you'd have to wait for sex till your wedding night," he said for Meredith and Derek's ears only.

"You told him…" Meredith looked at Derek and scowled.

"It's a long story."

"Hey you two," Cristina said, "you three…no secrets…"

"Mark, stop teasing," Ailene told him.

"Didn't expect that, did you Shep," Kevin laughed, "she's done it to every single one of us, ask your sisters."

"Mom…I don't want to break away from your traditions…but, really…I've had something special planned for us for a while, it's important to us both," he said, reaching out to hold Meredith's hand, "I appreciate all of this, but…we can have dinner, and then the rest of the evening is ours."

"Nonsense, you're going to start off with all the Shepherd traditions…and that includes not seeing your future wife after midnight."

Meredith and Derek locked gazes, unbelieving the turn of events and as a smile spread on their lips, they both started laughing as he got up and reached for her hand lifting her out of the chair and embraced her, whispering, "once upon a time…two caged beasts…after almost thirty days of waiting…"

"Twenty seven," she said, and giggled, "but who's counting…"

"Who indeed," he laughed heartily, hugging her closer to him, "had to wait for their wedding night to unleash their extraordinary passion."


	141. Chapter 141

**Ch 137 – Bestman's prerogative**

"Grey, Shep…break it up, and share the joke with everybody," Mark said, "we've been traveling for a hell of a long time to be kept in the dark…about anything."

"Actually," Meredith said smiling while looking up at Derek, his arms still around her waist "we were wondering…how did the bets go?"

"Made a killing…left Karev in charge. Should have some extra money when we get back…helps a bit, to have insider information," he laughed, "good thing too that you're in on the cut…help Shep offset some of the cost of this trip."

"Oh my God, Derek, we haven't told them… Izzie and George and Alex, they'll feel left out…and they need to know too, and I need…I need to call them, they're my family too Derek…I don't want them to feel …"

He silenced her with a quick kiss, "they know."

"They know," she said pulling away slightly, "how…who told them…and your sisters…do they know too…you want to tell them, don't you?"

"They know Meredith, Mom and Kathleen told them…"

"They did….and they haven't called," he felt her become rigid, "they…haven't called…they think it's a mistake…that you're marrying me," she said and looked down.

Kathleen witnessed the change in Meredith and was at their side in seconds hugging them both. "They know…and they were happy and excited and Jenna wanted to call you and talk to both of you right away, and we told them they were to leave the two of you alone…until after the wedding."

"You did…she did ..they …Nancy…"

"Nancy," Mrs. Shepherd chimed in, "only wants to know that her brother is happy, and it was not easy trying to keep her away from this trip. Don't forget, she was the one that flew clear across the country for less than twenty four hours, after he missed Thanksgiving with us, just to make sure Derek was all right."

"Mom," Derek said, " you didn't tell me that she wanted to come, how did you keep her away?"

"Just a nudge of good old Catholic guilt," Mrs. Shepherd stated, and had all of them laughing except Meredith and Derek.

"How did you manage that?" Derek asked, soothingly caressing Meredith's back and feeling her begin to relax again.

"I offered to stay, and told her that she was right, that it would probably be much better if your sisters were here, that after waiting to see my son after over a year, it would be perfectly ok if I waited till you could find the time to visit me and I could meet my daughter in law…"

"That was the gentle reminder Shep," Kevin laughed, "then she brought out the big guns."

"The big guns, Kevin, what more…"Meredith asked, more curious each time about the facets to Derek's mother.

"Meredith," Kevin said, "after twenty years, I've learned every trick in her book."

"Kevin dear…"

"Mom," he told her, "I can't wait for the next twenty years of whatever you have up your sleeve."

"Neither can I Kevin," Mrs. Shepherd laughed, "neither can I."

"Ailene," Meredith asked again, "what were the big guns?"

"Oh, that was simple, I told her I was so glad my girls would have the opportunity to visit such a romantic city and be there with their brother and I just hoped that there would be another occasion for me to visit Venice, before I got much older and not even able to step in and out of a gondola…"

"Mom…that was hardly the big guns…" Kevin teased her.

"I suppose not," Ailene agreed, "Meredith, I told her they would need to take lots of pictures, especially the Bridge of Sighs…" she said still smiling, though now a bit of melancholy was heard in her voice, "it was something their father and I had always wanted to do."

"You did…" Derek and Meredith said simultaneously.

"Yes…we did…there's a legend you know," she smiled.

"We know," Meredith said, slipping out of his arms, and went to sit next to her and spoke directly to her, "that's…where Derek proposed."

"That's a beautiful spot, I want to hear all about it," Ailene told her, and placed her hand over hers.

"It was very romantic," Meredith smiled, and Derek felt his heart swell with pride for the characteristic gentle traits and compassion demonstrated by the woman he loved toward his mother.

"Mom" Kathleen said, "we can hear the story later, right now, we need these two to get out of here, so we can plan what we're doing tonight."

"Kev," Mark said, "Shep and I have been wondering since we last saw her, how the hell do you put up with her bossiness."

"She makes it worth my while," he laughed and winked at her, and Kathleen leaned in to kiss him, "very often…"

"He's made it worth mine, every day since we've been together," Kathleen added, "now, the men, get out of here…we'll meet up at the hotel, and Meredith…we'll see you in fifteen minutes, so we can take care of whatever else remains pending."

"But wait…" Meredith said, "what about Izzie and …"

"Come on Grey," Mark said, "I'll fill you in…Derek, I'm taking her with me."

"What are you talking about," Derek said, "taking her with you where?"

"Her mom's not here…I'm the older brother here, so…my turn, I guess to have that talk with her," he said with a dead pan expression, and Cristina first then the rest roared with laughter.

"Mark…I hate to break the news to you," Mrs. Shepherd said, "I think they've already been practicing that talk."

Meredith was at first embarrassed by her comment, but then felt her hand squeezed gently, and smiled.

"All right then…bestman's prerogative…I get a talk with the bride," he said, "my new sister," he said. "You ok with that Shep," he asked so seriously, Derek realized how important to him it was.

"Go then," Kathleen said, "I don't care if these two stay…but Meredith…go…"

"Meredith," Mark said, as she got up and smiled at Derek, then followed him to a table in another room at The Florian, while on the way told her how the rest of her friends knew about the wedding.

"Mark," she said when they sat down, "I don't know all the details, but I gather you had to pull a lot of it together, thank you…it's meant a lot to me."

"He wanted you to have your family here…and let me tell you, I know if it had been possible he'd have wanted to drag the rest of your roommates, but no way in hell that could have happened , it was hard enough to get Yang and Lex here."

"Lex…you're calling her…Mark…she's my little sister…."

"Yeah she is," he said, smiling at her admission.

"Ok…I just sounded like an overly protective sister…" she rolled her eyes.

"It sounded lovely…I think you both needed the other. How are you?"

"I'm happy."

"I believe you are…but…everything else…you're ok?"

"It's been almost two weeks…" she said and placed her arm on top of his, "I'm ok…he's…he's been my strength…and now…he…he wanted to get married…right away…and…it's been hard and we talked a lot…" she said getting teary eyes, "but…I love him…I do…so much…and he loves me…and he said he didn't want to wait…"

"Meredith…he does…you are the most important person in his life, and I've known him for a long time, Meredith…he has never loved anyone like he loves you."

"I…I just want him to be happy…I want to be enough for him…"

"Ah…you see…the reason I wanted to talk to you…he wants you to be happy too."

"I know," she said without looking at him.

"We talked earlier…while you were out."

"And you decided to tease him…"

"No…that just happened, and it was to hard not too…" he smiled, "no pun intended."

"Mark…"

"Meredith, I was just trying to rile him, about the champagne bottle…and he told me, rather just a sentence, reminded me…about you…and…"

"It's ok Mark, we…we're ok."

"Yes, but then he told me about what happened today, at the jewelry store…what you said about Addison."

"He told you that…he…is he still upset with me?"

"He's worried that he hasn't done enough to reassure you, that you are all that matters, that what the two of you have together, it's nothing compared to their relationship."

"I…I get it…"

"I'm not sure that you do…"

"I'm surprised," she said, "that he talked to you about it."

"I didn't leave him too many options…and then, as I watched the two of you now…I knew it was time I shared something with you…because I don't think he would…"

"He…I don't want you to betray his confidences…"

"It's not his…but mine, and I don't think he'd betray mine, but I think…as you start your new life together…I want you to understand just how very different and special you are….that you don't have to compete with her…that he has no regrets…and that she is far from perfect…nor was the woman he thought he married."

"I don't understand…"

"A couple of weeks ago…when you…when …"

"Lost the baby…" she finished.

"Yes, and I'm sorry…I don't want to bring this up…but…"

"It's ok, Mark…"

"I told him," he started, "that I would be there for him, that if he needed me…I wanted to offer my support…and he told me that I could not understand, what it meant to lose a child…"

"Mark…" she interrupted, "you mean…you …"

"Addie and I lived together for two months after Derek left…"

"You what…did he know…" she asked thinking of the implications.

"Yes, he knows, he found out the day they got a divorce."

"Oh my God, that…he…that must have devastated him…but wait…you said he knew…and now…even with all of that, he's …you're ok…the two of you."

"Yeah…we are, Meredith, it speaks of his loyalty…to the people he loves…that is very important to him, and she betrayed him, we both did, but she…she was not who he thought…me, hell it's true…I'm a man whore, but…"

"You're his friend, above all else…his brother."

"Yeah…" he said remaining quiet.

"What else happened Mark?"

"She was pregnant…"

"Oh my God…" she gasped, "Derek…she didn't tell him…"

"It wasn't Derek's child. She had an abortion, she thought I would have made a terrible father, so I told him, so he knew…I'd…sometimes…I too can understand."

"Mark," she said softly, "I'm so sorry…"

"She was right…I don't seem to be cut out for that…"

"I disagree…she was wrong. Derek and I thought you'd have made a wonderful godfather," she said and a tear slipped away.

"I would have…I would have tried…"

"You will be…one day…for us…and for your own children…I know it will happen."

"You think so…"

"Well, I can't guarantee it …but I hope…that one day, there will be other babies for us, and you…are definitely the godfather…and you…well, you have to make the other happen."

"You still trust me…huh…"

"Absolutely…not a better godfather for our baby…one day…"

"Me and Lex…"

"Yeah…you and Lex…our next…our baby…you're the godparents," she said smiling, and suddenly she saw a gleam in his eyes…a bit of hope, and wondered, if maybe…just maybe…she shouldn't…

"What are you thinking Grey…I'm not sure I like that look…"

"Just thinking…of you as a dad…"

"Bite your tongue."

"Uhmm…I think you do protest a bit too much…" she smiled.

"Do not…even consider playing matchmaker, I know Shep already told you that."

"He doesn't tell me what to do…"

"You wanna bet… I know he told you to lay off when you were beginning to go down that path…stepping up the matchmaking role with Tracy.

"I was doing nothing of the sort…"

"Right," he laughed, "no matchmaking…I can do fine on my own."

"Oh…I agree…I just have to consider if I'm ok with your fine…on your own…if I can…well, we'll just have to see…"

"What are you rambling about….Grey…."

"Nothing Mark. Only that I think…actually, I know one day you'll make a wonderful father…and I fully expect Derek and I …may be in the running…for godparents."

"You think you're so smart…"

"No…not really…I'm actually scared as hell I may be right."

"You'd turn down…you'd be scared as hell to be godmother to my child?"

"No…I just have to reconsider…who the mother might be…" she smiled, not understanding herself what had made her thoughts turn the direction they did.

"And…you haven't been drinking…before we saw you…have you?"

"Two glasses of champagne," she laughed.

"Do you understand," he said more seriously, "now…do you see why you…only you are important to him?"

"Was he…was he very upset, when you told him?"

"About what she did…he was very upset, it was further proof he didn't know her…and he was mad as hell at me for not telling him right away…for the time, the months that the two of you could have been together…instead of him trying…still trying to work things out for a marriage that had absolutely no hope of surviving."

"Did you…love her?"

"I thought I did…sometimes…I wonder what it would have been like…us together…a child together."

"Did you try to convince her…about having …"

"She didn't give me a chance…but, part of me got it…I'd gone out…" he said in an unusual reflective mood, "bought a Yankees…onesie, she called it, and a calendar and circled the due date…then I fucked up…I cheated on her."

"Mark…"

"It's ok…Meredith…maybe…I've learned a lesson."

"I'm sorry…"

"It wasn't meant to be…and now…she's moved on…"

"Have you?"

"I hope so…"

"Thank you…for telling me…for trusting me with your confidence."

"I want him…and you to be happy, to go into this marriage knowing that there has never been anyone…but you to make him feel that way he does…Meredith, he's like a kid…wanting to make you happy…regretting all he's done to hurt you."

"I've hurt him too Mark."

"But…you are together…that's all that matters to him…that you forgave him."

"I love him. I have loved him forever."

"As he has loved you…" he said, feeling a bit sentimental.

She reached out for his hand, and he turned his and she found hers enfolded in both of his, "Mark, thank you…being here…being his friend…for being my knight…and my…brother too."

"It's family, Meredith…it's what families do…" he said and leaned over to kiss her cheek just as Derek walked in.

"Uhmmm," he said, and came over to sit with them, their hands remained in each others, knowing their friendship had been sealed, "looks like I got here just in time."

"You did," she said, "we've just sealed a pact."

"You have…" he questioned.

"You and I will be godparents to his first child…"

"I didn't know he was having one…"

"You'd be surprised," she smiled, and releasing Mark's hand reached for Derek's, "you have no idea…how surprised."

"Shep, you need to have a long talk with her, she's been rambling…I've no idea what the hell she's talking about."

"What makes you think I can figure out her rambling," Derek winked at her.

"You're an expert…I've seen it. Shit, I seemed to figure Xena's rambles for the last twenty four hours, and that was something…let me tell you, but Mer…she's way over my head today."

Derek looked at Meredith's smile and raised an eyebrow and she just shrugged her shoulders, a gave Derek a look that had him questioning her, "Meredith…."

"What…"

"We've talked about this…"

"Derek…are they done? How long before they finish all their planning, which by the way…we don't need so much to be going on…seriously…we only have hours…Derek…hours before we get married, and they have a dinner…and shopping…or touristy things…now…and a shower…and I can't see you after midnight…seriously…"

Derek leaned over and kissed her and she felt his smile upon her lips, "diversion…nice try…Grey…"

"Aren't I going to be Shepherd…soon…" she smiled back.

"You learned well," he laughed and kissed her, "diversion."

"Shit, Shep, you are as bad as she is…rambling. "Now I have four of you here, cause Yang has been as quiet as a church mouse."

"Mark, you know Cristina," Derek commented.

"Yeah…maybe it's best…she's quiet, rather than her usual biting remarks, though your Mom had her talking, whether she wanted to or not on the way here."

"Mark…"

"It's true Shep…I don't know what the hell they talked about, but Mom didn't allow to stay quiet."

"They talked a lot…" Meredith questioned.

"She moved to sit with her through dinner," Mark laughed.

"You all sat together…even though they were all last minute reservations," Meredith commented.

"Flight wasn't too full…and Cristina had an empty seat beside her."

"Who did you sit with?"

"I was all by myself…except Lex and I had dinner together, then Mom had her sit with her again. Mer did you know she has a photographic memory?"

"Lexie…or Ailene?"

"Your sister…Lexie…"

"No…I don't believe I knew that…"

"Pretty amazing," Mark laughed.

"Hey," Lexie walked in, "we're ready to go."

"Xena…your sister didn't know you had a photographic memory…"

"It hasn't come up…I guess…but why would you even talk about that…I mean…it's sort of an off the wall topic."

"Yeah…it was," Mark said, and walking standing next to her, ruffled her hair, "come on Xena, these two want a moment alone before the Shepherd females take over the rest of the day."

"Busy day," Derek said when they were alone, "you and Mom…you seem ok."

"She's wonderful…I had no idea what to expect…I don't know why you never really talk about her…"

"Meredith…we hardly talked about ourselves…family…talking about family…well…there was Nancy."

"You have a point…" she smiled, "but…Derek…we've talked…a lot…lately…we're ok…right, about all the talking…and…"

"We're perfect," he said, "and we have the rest of our lives…to talk…" he kissed her, "some more."

"Tonight…" she said.

"If I had any idea about her customs and traditions, I'd have kept them away," he told her.

"Oh no…Derek…I'm glad…so glad they're here, and it's only…only one more night," she said apologetically.

"Mer…" he said softly, "you're happy…I can see it…that they're here…"

"Yes…thank you…for making it all happen," she said and kissed him back.

"You see…for that…your smile, seeing you happy…waiting…one night….one week…one month…it would be worth it…as long as you're happy."

"I am…vw ery happy…but, Derek…" she murmured in a low seductive voice against his lips.

"Uhmmmm."

"Do not even consider taking it slow…" she said and deepened their kiss.

"Who'd have thought…" he said, as they ended their kiss and looked at each other, "we'd wait to have sex…on our wedding night."

"The stuff of fairy tales…and legends…" she smiled and they laughed as he captured her mouth and left her breathless.

"Ok…Mer…Shepherd, they're waiting for you so we can leave, get on with the day…maybe you can finish this later."

"Cristina…we'll be right there," Meredith told her, but Cristina insisted.

"I was told to make sure you both came with me."

"Well, you're going to have to tell them, we'll be right there."

"You can get back to this later, Meredith…it's not like the two of you aren't at this all the time."

"Cristina," he said, "please tell them we'll be there shortly." And she walked out of the room.

"I don't understand her Derek, she is always so …"

"Harsh," he said.

"Not quite the word…but, I'll spend some time with her later."

"I think that's it…she doesn't like to share the time with you."

"That's childish…Derek…" she said and he raised an eyebrow.

"You're her person…who hasn't spent any time with her since she got here."

"But…that's…it's not like I don't want to spend time with her."

"I know," he said kissing the top of her head, "now tell me…what's on your mind."

"We…we don't have to talk about it now…but…Mark, he told me about Addison."

"What about her?"

Meredith raised her hand, running through his hair, "what happened between them…that he told you…about her being pregnant."

"Ah…"

"We don't have to talk about it…now…but, if you ever do…we can…I mean…even after we're married…if we need to talk about it."

"Do you want to talk about it now?"

"Not really…just…we don't have a lot of time, so maybe later…it will be important for us to talk about it …how you felt…"

"You get that the way I love you…is nothing like what was between us?"

"That's what he wanted me to know," she smiled. "I told him…my fears, insecurities….about her, I just want to make you happy…for us to be happy."

"We are…and we will be…" he said kissing her softly.

"We should go…before they send out someone else to look for us," she smiled and kissed him back.

"Let's go," he said as he pulled her into his arms for one final embrace and then walked holding hands to meet their family.

"Well," she said, "here we are, and since Mark said we made some money… guess I'll have to go shopping, spend bit more money while I'm here."

"You're thinking of shopping?" Cristina said. "You surprise me…Mer…seriously, you get here and act like all the tourists."

"I'm planning on shopping…this afternoon," Ailene Shepherd commented. "Part of the fun of being a tourist. Cristina, surely you enjoy some of that."

"Not really," Cristina replied.

"Well, that must be because you've never been shopping with the Shepherd women, and now that Meredith will be a Shepherd soon…" she said.

"A Shepherd soon," Cristina repeated, "Meredith, seriously, you aren't going to change your name are you?"

The room was silent, at the tone she used, and Mrs. Shepherd was ready to say something when Kathleen put a hand on her arm to stop her, but she was ignored.

"Cristina, dear, I'm sure that is something Meredith and Derek will discuss, it has certainly been quite busy for them to think about it, I'm sure, and as far as shopping, you don't have to join us…like all tourists, you're free to spend the afternoon on your own doing something less touristy."

Mark snickered. Derek took a deep breath and shook his head. Kevin reached for Kathleen's hand and mouthed the word ouch. Lexie lowered hear head.

Meredith spoke up, "Ailene, you're right, Derek and I haven't even talked about it, and as far as Cristina is concerned, I'm sure she will find a way to make this afternoon an enjoyable experience."

"Shep, let's leave the women to work things out," Mark laughed, "we've got a wedding dress to buy for you."

"Don't be an ass," Derek said laughing, and leaned over to give Meredith a kiss on the lips, "buy whatever you want, let it be my treat…please…"

"Have fun boys…" she said smiling, and kissed Derek on the cheek.

"Finally, they're out of our hair," Kathleen joked, "Meredith…really, you give Derek so much attention."

"What…why not. We're getting married. Kathleen…we're getting married tomorrow…" she smiled.

"Yes…we know…" Cristina commented, "we need blinders for all the bright and shiny going around."

"Cristina, you really need to chill or I'm going to be pissed as hell at you."

Ailene smiled at her comment. "She's concerned about you Meredith, I certainly get that, and that my son has been an ass, as you girls would say. But Cristina, he loves Meredith and she obviously loves him, so let's make this a nice a pleasant and memorable experience for them, for all of us."

"Mrs. Shepherd, Meredith she gets it…my comments, we just talk that way to each other."

"I get that dear, if not, I'd have made my opinion heard much more clearly."

"Where are we going?" Meredith asked.

"We actually have a destination…but, we can do a bit of window shopping or more…on our way there," Lexie said.

"Where is the destination?"

"Oh… a store…for your bridal shower presents."

"Really… I don't need that…you don't have to buy any presents, you're all here, that's enough."

"Mer, don't be an idiot, even I know we have to buy presents," Cristina told her, as they all walked out to the square, "and Shepherd, he's taken care of everything, all the expenses…Sloane made sure we knew that."

"Not only that," Lexie said as she walked next to the two friends, while Kathleen and her mother walked out together, "he made sure all of us flew business class, Mer, he's thought of everything…and really there was no need for him to spend that kind of money, but he did…and Mark said…"

"Seriously, you all flew here in business?"

"He can afford it Meredith," Cristina stated.

"He brought you all over here…that was enough, Cristina and seriously, if you can't find a way to say something nice about him, if all you're going to do is criticize him, then just go back to the hotel…please…if you can't be supportive, then…just go back…you don't have to participate…if you find all of this so distasteful."

"I didn't say that…"

Meredith stopped just as they walked beyond St. Mark's square and were now on a smaller side street. "Look Cristina, I love him…yes, he's hurt me…we have hurt each other, but I'm going to marry him…because I love him…and I agree with him, whatever we need to work out, we will do together…and if you can't accept that…then…really…" she said as she felt the tears gather, the emotions still fighting the excess of hormones, "just go back…"

Cristina was shocked that she spoke to her that way, she was used to Meredith's doubts and insecurities, second guessing her relationship with Derek, but this…she wasn't sure how to deal with.

"Go back Cristina…" she said meeting her gaze, "no need for pretense…just go back,"

Lexie did not want to get in the middle of their conversation and slowed down to meet up with Kathleen and Ailene to keep them from overhearing the conversation, began to make chit chat as they admired some of the shop windows. "You know, I was thinking, since Mark was able to arrange that we go back on Friday morning, Thursday could be a great day for sightseeing."

"You're a good sister, Lexie," Ailene Shepherd told her and gave her a kiss on the cheek, "but I truly don't understand their friendship," she indicated towards Cristina and Meredith, whose poise made it evident were not having a pleasant conversation.

"She's been there for her, Ailene, she really has…they understand each other somehow."

"Lexie, your sister needs people that care about her and support her, not those to constantly make her second guess herself, that is not what friendship is about, I think she's just afraid Derek will take time away from her, and that is a very selfish attitude."

"Mom, you can't get involved in that."

"I'm not planning on it."

"Well," Kathleen chuckled, "you've already made it clear what you think."

"I tried to talk to her, on the plane, but she's as closed a book as I've ever…"

"Mom, we don't all get to be lucky enough to have a mother …a family like ours."

"Ok...I see it coming, the buttering up."

"Be serious, you know I'm right."

"I know honey, it just …you were right, once you meet her, you want to nurture her, take care of her…and I hate how Cristina treats her, her attitude is…very unpleasant."

"They're friends Ailene, really it works for them…somehow."

"How do you feel about her?" she asked Lexie.

"I think she's been there for Meredith…through a lot of issues, and they are friends. I'm just glad I was able to build a relationship with my sister…even…if…."

"You're very sweet, she …well, let's just say, I think you both are very good for each other, and I'm not asking any questions, but something's happened…something's going on…that all of you know about…and I don't…but I'm going to wait, not much longer, but I'm going to wait, before I ask Meredith and Derek straight out."

"Mom…"

"They've been hurting Kathleen, I know they have…and she even admitted, they'd been going through some sadness in their life, and I need to know they are ok."

"Mom…they are…"

"They are Ailene…they really are," Lexie added, "and their sadness…yes…it's there still but, Mer, she's going to talk to you about it, just give her time."

"She promised me that they are both ok, that neither of them is sick…just tell me, that is the truth…please…tell me there is nothing wrong in that regard."

"There isn't Mom, I promise you that."

"All right now. I'm giving them a few more minutes, that is all, I am not going to let that girl ruin her mood, she was happy, and now look at her," Ailene said, "Cristina can leave us to spend the rest of the day in peace."

"Ailene," Lexie said, "my mom would have loved you…that you're being so protective of her, and Derek…and Mark…I think they'd name you Xena 3," she smiled, earning a hug from Ailene Shepherd, which Meredith saw out of the corner of her eye.

"Meredith," Cristina said, "I'm here…I came to be at your wedding."

"I need more than that," she snapped back, "I need you to be here because you care…because you care about me…and being my person…that means…that right now…while I'm trying to reach for that chance to be happy…it means you're there with me…believing even dark and twisty Meredith has a chance…in spite of it all…in spite of my mother and father not loving …not loving me enough…that I have a chance …because he loves me," she said as a tear slid down her cheek, and she wiped it away, "I believe he loves me…"

"That is enough," Ailene said suddenly, "she is crying, I'm putting a stop to this."

"Mom…no."

"Kathleen…"

"No, Mom, I know you mean well, but that is their conversation, not ours…let's walk along," she said, "they can meet up with us."

"I'll, stay behind…meet up with you…I know you wanted to go to the lace store, I'll make sure we get there."

"Lexie dear, these streets are labyrinths …people get lost all the time…"

"Yes, they do…but they don't all have a photographic memory like mine, and I saw the map," she smiled, "go on…I'll make sure she's ok."

They walked past them and Lexie approached them, though keeping a distance.

"It's fine Cristina, it doesn't matter," Meredith said resigned.

"It does matter…" Cristina said quietly, "it matters to you…so it does…I'm here…I care…you're my person…that means something."

"What exactly does it mean?"

"That I'm on your side…no matter what happens, I am on your side."

"I love him…can't you see that, can't you see that he loves me…"

"Sometimes, love isn't enough."

Meredith, whose gaze had not wavered said, "it is this time…I know it deep in my heart…to the very depth of my soul…this time it is enough."

"How can you be so sure?"

"Because, the voice of your soul does not lie…and I've looked in his eyes, and have seen the very depth of his soul…as he held me while he cried…we both cried as we said goodbye to our baby…and the day he proposed…and that night…I have seen the depth of his love…I have looked in his eyes and seen the very core of his soul as he has seen mine."

"I'm sorry," Cristina said, an uncharacteristic sheen in her eyes.

"Don't be sorry…be my friend…my person…but if you can't trust what I'm telling you…you can go…I am not ever going to let anyone come between us again…or undermine him…undermine us…what he feels for me…what we feel for each other. We belong together…"

"Yes…you do…I've seen that…and you do, and I'm sorry…I'm sorry for all of this…it was not my intention to upset you."

"What are you going to do Cristina?"

Cristina looked at her friend and clearly understood the depth of the feelings between Meredith and Derek, and she could accept that or be left behind.

"I'm on your side, always and I told you before, you would not have to choose. You are my person…and I'm here because I care, and wanted to share your happiness on your wedding day. Now, I'm going shopping, apparently for your wedding shower."

"You…" Meredith said, emotions on the surface, "you mean that."

"I do," she said and for the briefest of moments hugged her, and to detract from the depth of her own emotions, called out, "Xena, let's go…you can stop hovering, we did not kill each other."

"I…I was not…hovering," she said as she walked the short distance between them, "I was…just waiting so you would not get lost along the way."

"Uh huh…" Meredith said and when she was next to her reached out for her sister and hugged her, "I've missed you, Lexie, thank you for caring."

"You're my sister."

"Your big sister and don't forget it," she said, "and by the way, no more flirting with Mark."

"Oh, Mer…he's harmless."

"That's what I'm afraid of," she joked, "all his harmless," and muttered, "endearing ways."

Meredith was glad to have the short walking time before meeting up with Ailine and Kathleen to compose herself. She wished her emotions could be more easily controlled, but already twice today she'd unexpectedly had to deal with talking about her miscarriage, and she knew her hormones were obviously still affecting her and would likely remain so for a few more weeks. She sensed it would come up again, and it weighed heavily on her, as she did want to tell Kathleen and Ailene about her dream, and today would be the only opportunity during this trip.

"There you are girls," Ailene greeted them as they walked out of Jesurum, an old established store since the eighteen hundreds carrying some of the finest Venetian lace and linens. "I will show you later, but I bought a beautiful tablecloth for a very special occasion, the first Sunday dinner that Derek and Meredith join us."

"Meredith, we decided to cut out any sightseeing today, we'll leave that till Thursday since the girls don't go back till Friday morning, so the afternoon is pretty much to do whatever you want…until we go off to run some errands," Kathleen said.

"So are you telling me," Meredith said, strolling along side by side with Kathleen, "you want to get rid of me."

"Wherever would you get an idea like that," Kathleen laughed, and drew her close enough to speak quietly, "we haven't had a chance to talk…how are you?"

"I'm ok."

"Meredith…you and Derek…last time we spoke."

"Kathleen…he has been wonderful."

"You look happy," she said, as Ailene walked ahead with Lexie and Cristina, actually engaging Cristina in conversation, "and this ring…is gorgeous."

"As though you didn't know…he told me you saw it…"

"I only agreed that it was a beautiful choice."

"I have so much to tell you…how he proposed," she said, the happiness she felt reflected in her voice, "even our argument …"

"You argued after he proposed…"

"It's a long story…but we're happy…we are…and our misunderstanding…not so much an argument, it allowed us to have a very important conversation…one that helped us really understand what we wanted, and Kathleen…I'm happy…and he is too…and we're getting married," she smiled. "We probably won't have time to talk a lot on this trip, but you are coming to visit…right?"

"I'm not sure whose company you want more, Mom's or mine," she teased her.

"Oh…Kathleen…she's wonderful…I can't believe how nervous I was about meeting her. You get a bit from her, her sense of humor."

"We all do…we actually all have something that is very uniquely her…"

"She's lovely. I am…we are…thank you, for being here."

"Are you kidding, my brother is getting married…to the love of his life…and I know I'm her favorite sister in law…where else would I be?"

"You'll come to visit?"

"We will…count on it. Meredith, everything ok with you and Cristina?"

"It will be…I told her she if she wants to be in my life, that includes Derek…"

"You know…Mer…it's been the two of you…there for one another, that…can be a little frightening…when you think you won't be as important in someone's life."

"But…I'm not doing that…I mean…there's no reason for that to happen."

"Honey, there is…you and Derek…you'll be married, he'll be there all the time…it happens, couples adjusting to marriage and to living together, friends don't get as much time from us."

"I know…but, when she was getting married…to Burke…I was supportive, I wanted that for her…that she was going to have someone…I would think she'd want that for me."

"She does…Meredith, but she also knows your relationship will change, and Derek…becomes your priority."

"I'm not going to forget my friends…they are really my family," she said, "oh, look, your mother's going in to another store," she laughed.

"She's going to have to buy presents for everyone back home, I just didn't think she'd start on the first day," Kathleen told her.

"Does she do this every time she travels…I mean, I don't know how much she travels…but…"

"Every time…she takes at least one big trip a year…but wherever she goes, most of the time brings souvenirs back for everyone, at the very least the kids."

"Kat, sometime tonight…I need to talk to you…both of you…"

"Mer…is something wrong?"

"No…not at all…just something I want to share with you both."

"You're not going to tell me…what it is?"

"No…I'll tell you together…it's a dream, Kat, a very special dream."

"We'll make the time," she said, "now, let's go see what Mom's up to," but stopped suddenly as she realized her mother had walked in to a baby clothing store. "We can wait out here."

"It's ok…Kathleen," she said, as she pulled opened the door and braced herself to deal with the emotions it would evoke.

"Meredith…honey…don't put yourself through this."

"It's ok," she said as they joined the others.

"Kathleen…you have to look at these," her mother said, "they are adorable," she said as Cristina and Lexie looked on and interrupted.

"Mer…you want to go on ahead and meet up with Ailene later," Lexie said.

"That would be a good idea," Cristina added.

"I'm not going to be long, I promise, and look at these things," she said holding up several outfits, "I have to buy this Kathleen, I'm sure Jenna's having a girl."

"Mom…maybe we can come back later, after the wedding…" Kat said in a serious enough tone for her mother to stop and look at her.

"Honey…how can you resist, look at these…Meredith, don't you think they're adorable?"

"They are," Meredith answered, as she ran her finger softly over the pink two piece velour pajamas with a little hippo bearing a white belly. But then she saw the pair of red cotton striped booties that bore the word B.E.A.R. written in such a way they, that the B.E. and A.R. were separated with a small appliqué of a tiny bear face, and a soft gasp involuntary escaped her.

Ailene Shepherd heard the anguish in the soft gasp and she looked over at the young woman who in less than twenty four hours would be her daughter in law. The young woman who in less than a few hours after meeting her, she'd already begun to think of as her daughter, and saw the sadness she'd spoken to her about, the longing in her eyes, the haunting distant look, and she was certain she understood what her son and Meredith had recently experienced.


	142. Chapter 142

**Ch 138 – "Thirteen days…"**

"Kathleen, I think you're right, I have plenty of time to shop, I shouldn't buy the first thing I see anyway, I'll regret it later," she said, "Meredith, will you come with me, there is something I'd like to buy for you and Derek…and maybe you can help give me some ideas…what you like or need."

"Ailene, I think you should buy those baby outfits, they are adorable…and if you don't mind, I'd like to get this and send it to Jenna, from Derek and I…for his godchild."

Ailene Shepherd felt her heart fill with sadness as she watched Meredith pick up two different outfits, one blue, one pink, and briefly closed her eyes as if to gather courage before she walked to the register and provided her credit card and smiled as the baby gifts were being wrapped.

"Kathleen, do you mind paying for this," Ailene gave her a credit card and the pink outfit she'd held, "and bringing the packages with you?"

"Yes, Mom…you two go ahead," she said as Ailene touched Meredith's arm and gently guided her outside, and began a quiet reflective stroll through the ancient streets of Venice, and along the way Meredith felt an arm link with hers and was led inside through the doors of a small church they came upon unexpectedly.

Mrs. Shepherd pushed open the worn wooden door and immediately to her right found the expected small bowl with holy water, and dipped the two fingers that would then make the sign of the cross, and continued to the front of the small church where both she and Meredith sat on the old and worn wooden pews. Ailene kneeled and began her silent conversation with God, and as she had everyday since he'd been gone, shared part of her day with her husband.

Meredith watched her and at some point heard her whisper, "Irish…I need you…right now…help me…help me say the right thing," and she felt tears gather as she understood the reason for the words, and she too began a silent conversation.

"I don't come here very often, but you already know that, but I've been asking for your help a lot lately…and thank you…because Kathleen was right…you've been answering…you've helped me…and Derek…we both have needed you lately. I think maybe it's ok I talk to you, and to Mom…I have to trust she's listening to me too…and well, could you ever imagine that I'd be here…talking to you…with my mother in law," she smiled softly, "I guess that is silly, of course you knew this could happen, she's wonderful….thank you for that…I really sweated it…the family thing…but…she likes me…I think she really likes me".

Ailene continued her prayers interwoven with the conversation with her husband, but the hard wooden kneeler soon took its toll and she sat on the pew, her eyes closed in meditation, her hands folded and every so often she'd touch the charm bracelet.

"Mom, can you believe it…me…here in Church…with my future mother in law …that was a surprise even for me. Mom…I have to tell you something, and please…don't be angry with me… I don't want you to be disappointed in me again…but I had to tell him…Derek had to understand, after what happened…the day…when I drowned…and you left…since you died," she continued silently and wiped away her tears, "he had to know I'd never leave him, and he knows…that I loved you…and I didn't tell anyone, all these years Mom…I didn't tell anyone," she sniffled

Ailene heard her, and it broke her heart, and she was filled with guilt, thinking it all had to do with what had just happened, unaware of the depth of communication Meredith engaged in with her mother. "Dear Lord, please…guide me to say the right words to her, and later to Derek…to comfort them."

"Mom…I guess you're around all the time, if I talk to you and have these long conversations with you, don't really know how that works, but we're in Church, in Venice and Derek's mom, she's here with me. I'm getting married tomorrow, Mom…you met Derek…and he's been wonderful…he has…he really understands me and the career, I know you were worried about that but he does, and tomorrow Mom…I wish you were here…on my wedding day…but Mom…maybe…you will…and I'd like…it would be so special if can get a whiff of you on my wedding day," she wiped away more tears and heard her mother in law's sigh and sniffles.

"Mom…I really like her…she's been so nice to me…and right now…I could really use a hug…being in the baby store was hard…but I thought of you…and I went in…you would have faced it head on…so I did…but it hurts…Mom…it still hurts so much…to know I couldn't have her…and Ailene, I just met her, Derek surprised me with bringing everyone here, and she seems to care about me…and I hope she's around for a long time…because I could really use someone like her… Mommy…she'll never replace you…but maybe you can let me know…somehow…that you won't mind…if one day I call her Mom…"

Both women sat in companionable silence, neither feeling they could interrupt the other.

Meredith took a deep breath…"God I hope she's listening to me…and between the two of you there may be a way I can get some answers."

"Irish…help me out here…we can't just sit here ignoring the silence, knowing there's something that needs to be said…but I'm not quite sure if I may have misinterpreted things…so I need your help here…give me some time of clue…you're good at that love, and I really need one now," a bittersweet smile on her lips, as she raised her hand and her index finger wiped a tear away.

"Mom, just one more thing…I think Ailene, that's her name…she just realized what happened…about me losing the baby…I was going to tell her, when I told her about the dream…that dream helped me Mom…I like to think you helped make that happen, me having that dream…about Brianna, isn't she beautiful Mom…my little girl, she has a beautiful soul," she said and felt the lump in her throat. "Please…" she whispered softly, but in the old church nave where only a handful were present, the whispers echoed lightly and her mother in law heard her, "please…Mom…look after her…God…please take care of my baby…"

"Oh my God," Meredith heard and then felt the comforting and nurturing arms around her, "oh sweetheart," she said "I'm sorry…so sorry," and both women knew their prayers had been answered.

Meredith believed her mother answered, and in that embrace felt Ellis' presence and that one day she wouldn't be mad if she called this gentle loving woman that held her in her arms Mom; and Ailene felt God had answered her prayers, about what to say…and her love…was with her, she was sure of it, when she had heard Meredith's soft whispers about the baby.

The two women embraced, both giving in to the sadness in their hearts, and Meredith's broken sobs were muffled in Ailene Shepherd's arms.

"Oh…sweetheart," she said, as she held her tighter, "I'm sorry…so sorry… I did not realize it sooner, and I hurt you…today… I hurt you…I'm so sorry."

"It's ok…" she said, "you didn't know," she said with a broken voice.

"When did it happen…Meredith…when did you lose the baby?"

"Meredith whispered, "thirteen days…just thirteen days…"

"Meredith…honey, I wish I had been there…now, I know…why you both needed my hugs…your sadness…"

"You're here now…I always meant to tell you…when I saw you…not on the phone."

Meredith felt her slightly pull away, and saw Ailene's tears, and then she felt her hand on her face wipe away her tears and kissed her cheek, "how are you now? Is everything ok, you've been to the doctor?"

"I'm ok, and Derek…he's…he made it bearable, always looking out for me, when I know how much it would have meant to him."

"Meredith, I wish I had known…but…I only mean that so I could have helped you…sweetheart, I swear I'd have flown to be with you…just to give you a hug…and we could have avoided me hurting you today…having to remember…and then…making you look at those …"

"Kathleen was there…"

"That's why she went out there? It had already happened," his mother questioned.

"No…that was…that was another reason…one I'm not proud of…but I guess this is a good place…to tell you…and ask that you forgive me…for hurting him…"

"It is a good place, but…whatever it was…you don't have to tell me…if you don't want to…all I need to know, because I see it…is how much the two of you love each other, and I know you belong together."

"Can…can I tell you…it feels like I should…so all of this is behind us…tomorrow…"

"Of course you can tell me…" Ailene said, and put her arms around her, as Meredith began to tell her a condensed version of why Kathleen had flown to see Derek, basically commenting they'd been on/off in their relationship and how their latest break up had affected them, including him asking Rose to dinner and subsequent events, without going into many details as she had with Kathleen, but trying to be objective in how she relayed the story.

"I'm going to have a long talk with that boy…he truly is brainless as his sisters call him, and you too I suppose," she said not very pleased with him.

"Ailene…no…please…I've told you…I'm just as much responsible for all our misunderstandings."

"That does not mean he should have asked another woman to dinner after an argument with you."

Meredith laughed softly, "he's going to be very upset if you take my side on this too, he said Kathleen was biased."

"Of course I'm going to take your side, he behaved like an ass. Oh my…we're in church," she laughed, "I guess God will forgive me…using that language in Church."

"Lightning hasn't struck, and I'm here…I think he is forgiving…"

"You had a terrible childhood, and I don't mean we've been gossiping about you…just some of what Derek has said to me…and he of all people should have been more understanding…"

"Ailene, truly…don't say anything…we've worked through…at least we've talked about so many things…to get where we are today…don't scold him…just …give him that hug he needs too…he's been wonderful and supportive…and please…just be there."

"You love him…very much…"

"I do…and this last month…and then the baby…" she said softly, "we were forced to talk to each other about so many feelings…all that is important to us…and we've…we've forgiven each other, and I wanted you to know about the baby…the miscarriage, because…there's a dream…a really beautiful dream I had…afterwards…that I need to share with you and Kathleen together."

"You don't want to tell me …now…"

"That's what she asked me," Meredith smiled.

"I'll let you in on a secret, no matter how much they say…take that back, when they are compared to me…" she smiled, "they all have some of my traits, and are very much like their mother."

"That's what she said earlier," Meredith told her.

They sat in silence, unlike minutes earlier their sadness filled hearts now were warmed by the ever growing ties that bind, the bonds of love and family, and an unexpected friendship between two women brought together by fate's design, each filling a need in the other's life. Meredith's void of a mother's nurturing love fulfilled by Ailene's lifetime of mothering and unconditional loving affection, a relationship and role model Meredith would cherish throughout the rest of her life.

Meredith reached for her mother in law's hand and felt her warmth, and whispered softly, "I'm thankful…you are in my life."

"Sweetheart, I'm thankful he found you…that you found each other…and for my new daughter."

"I'm not ready…not yet…" Meredith told her, "but…one day…I do want to call you Mom."

"That day, will make me very happy," she said and kissed her cheek, "do you think they've sent out a search party for us?"

"Not unless Derek found out we were missing."

"You are right about that," she laughed, "let's find our way back," she said getting up linking her arm with hers and walking up to the main altar where a lone crucifix looked down upon them and kneeled, "say a prayer with me," she said and Meredith kneeled beside her as her hand was held and Aline spoke quietly.

"Dear Lord, thank you for all your blessings…my children…their health…our family, I know he is with you, my Irish.. This is Meredith, but you already know that, my new daughter, watch over her and Derek, protect them, keep them from all harm and bless them…and one day, let them experience the joy of a healthy baby in their arms," and she turned to Meredith, and made the sign of he cross on her forehead, "in the name of the Father…and the Son…and the Holy Spirit."

"Amen," echoed the two voices.

"You…are determined…to make me a sentimental, bumbling crying fool…"

"I am determined to show you what a mother's love is all about…not that awful mother in law image that's out there."

"I don't think you have anything to worry about."

"I hope not…" she said, as they got up and walked around the church, "it's very odd you know, to find a Catholic Church in Italy…without the richness and opulence, especially here, but I found it to be just perfect for us today."

"It was," Meredith said, but stopped in front of a smaller chapel, "look, how beautiful," she said admiring an aging painting, a Madonna lovingly gazing at the child in her arms, two small angels looking over them, small candles dimly illuminating the almost hidden masterpiece, next to it an image of Mary and Joseph, a young Jesus at their side, and surprising herself she reached for a much used thin wooden wick and lit a candle.

"He wants kids…" she murmured softly, with her eyes closed, "the first time he mentioned it…he said…I want to marry you…have kids with you…build us a house and grow old with you…he wanted a lifetime."

"Pray for that…" Ailene told her as she put her arm around her waist.

Meredith smiled, "I did…for my dreams to come true."

"They will, Meredith…they will, and I'm praying I will get to enjoy seeing them fulfilled."

Meredith smiled and reached in her purse to get some bills she placed in the offering box by the candles.

"Honey, people don't usually leave bills…" Ailene told her.

"I know…but I don't come here that often," she smiled.

"It's a beautiful painting, isn't it, such treasures in all these churches," Ailene commented, "and that statue with Jesus as a boy, it's beautiful, I like that it's a darker skinned child, much more realistic given where he was born."

"Do you go to church every Sunday?" Meredith asked, "I mean Derek's not…"

"Don't get me started on that boy…" she said louder than intended, and they heard someone shushing them from the other side of the church, and both giggled.

"We were just told to be quiet…with an Italian shush…" Meredith giggled again.

"Time to go," Ailene said, as she looked at the older lady dressed in black, "hey," she whispered to Meredith, "you weren't asking about me going to church because that woman reminded you of me?"

"Oh…no," she laughed and covered her mouth, "not at all."

They had now reached the entrance, and in age Old Catholic tradition Ailene reached into the holy water and made the sign of the cross getting ready to exit the church, but first made the sign of the cross on Meredith's forehead.

"I know you are not Catholic, but He does not care about those things, God Bless you Meredith."

"Thank you," Meredith said before reaching out to embrace the woman, a tight embrace that each knew was the beginning of a life long relationship, "thank you for being here."

They talked all the way back to the hotel, each word, each sentiment, sometimes of melancholy and sadness, but overall each of them joyous at the new found relationship.

"Ailene, is your name Irish?"

"I have no idea…actually, that is not true it may have been Scottish, which follows along the story that an ancestor was Scottish, very romantic actually…and she was kidnapped and brought to Ireland."

"That's romantic…" Meredith laughed.

"Absolutely, don't you read romance novels?"

"No…"

"I didn't think so, but yes…it's supposed to be romantic…which actually it was…if you believe the stories we've had handed down to us, and the name has been around for while in my family. I know before me, there was a great grandmother who my father adored, even though he was about five when she died, but he always remembered her as a sly old lady that made him laugh and had the best hugs and cakes."

"Uhmmm….fitting namesake."

"Maybe."

"How did you guess, earlier, about…the baby?"

"The look in your eyes. Meredith I am truly sorry you had to go through that today."

"It's ok…really…it is…Derek and I…we've had to deal with it…and it's good, that you know…but…does it bother you…I mean, that we've been together…"

"Meredith Grey," she laughed, "are you asking me if I mind that you've been sleeping with my son out of wedlock."

"Of all the things I expected…this conversation, with you…was never one of them."

"I'm just full of surprises…"

"You certainly are…the cyber net grandmother."

"You have to be on top of kids nowadays….know what they are doing."

"Ailene…your kids…I mean, Kathleen went on about how when she was getting married…they couldn't tell you…"

"Oh that silly child, as if I didn't know they were living together for months before they got married."

"You know," she giggled, "that…they think you don't…"

"Honey, I had five children to raise alone…I had to at least try to be strict…even if I looked the other way many a times…"

"They'd be in for a surprise," Meredith smiled.

"Maybe…just maybe…it's time to let her in on that…what do you think?"

"Can I be there?" Meredith laughed.

"I'll have to think about it…see how it can be worked in to the conversation."

Meredith was surprised by the vibration in her purse and reached for the blackberry, "it's Derek, I totally forgot about this, he's left me three messages."

"I may need to get one of those…it's going to be hell having to look for internet cafés while I'm here for two weeks, it was bad enough I had to leave the phone behind, though the grandkids thought I should just get text messages, but I draw the line somewhere, do you realize how expensive it can get with those text messages."

"That's why you get unlimited texting and family plans."

"That works for families of five Meredith, we have them coming out of our ears," she laughed. Kathleen and Kevin ended up with a 900.00 dollar bill one month, till they put an end to it."

"That is true…" Merdith agreed.

"What does he want?"

"See for yourself."

-where are you why aren't you responding

-with your mom

-I know but what are u doing

-spending time with your mom others off somewhere

-ur with mom alone

"Meredith, can I reply?"

"Of course."

-drk dear she is with mom alone

-mom ur typing

-I can do that

-where's Meredith

-here

-ur letting my mom look at ur messages

-yes

-what if I wrote something personal

-I would not have shown her

-don't worry dear, she's very discreet

-Mom…Meredith…

-stp being a prude dear

"He's going to kill me," Meredith giggled.

"I get the feeling you can get away with just about anything right now."

"He can too," Meredith smiled and typed her next personal message.

-I love you

-I love you too Mom

-you ass

-yeah…figured that'd come up soon

-we're almost at hotel

-alone

-yes the two of us

-see you soon

-ok

-Meredith

-yes

-I love you

-me too…miss you in my arms

-don't tease Derek

-payback

"Meredith, would you like to stop here," Ailene said as they approached a café at St. Mark's Square, "maybe grab a light snack…by that I mean one of those chocolate pastries," she said pointing to the window display.

"I'd love that, would you like to sit outside?"

"Yes…as long as those pigeons stay on their end of the square."

Meredith laughed, "I told Derek, the first day we were here, I did not understand why people would want to pose with them."

The waiter came over and they ordered cappuccinos and two different pastries, and it was as each was reaching over the other's plate to taste the pastries that Derek came across them and smiled.

_A/N 10/14 Thanks everyone for your comments throughout this story. I cannot believe it is actually nine months to the day I posted the first chapter. This chapter had to be split in two as some boards have a limit of 6000 words. This part does what I always envisioned, as Meredith and Derek truly worked to make their relationship a nurturing loving one where they would make the long term commitment to marriage, they would need their family and friends, not live in isolation. I wanted to give Meredith a mother figure she could count on, and Mrs. Shepherd's character has developed perfectly for my goals, all on her own. I had no idea she would be this way before she got to Venice. Both this and the next chapter, in the absence of therapy, were meant to provide Meredith and in some ways Derek with the emotional support we all so often need. It was hard to be in Venice, surrounded by churches everywhere and not use the setting. I always knew that was the setting where Mrs. S & Meredith would strengthen their bond, and it was hard not to draw from the familiar ,as my grandmother and aunts so often did, saying a prayer together or accepting the blessings of the sign of the cross on the forehead. The next chapter, as she shares her dream, I think effectively begins as well as concludes the much needed emotional healing. Hope you like the way I chose to convey this message._


	143. Chapter 143

**Ch 138 – "Thirteen days…" Part 2**

"Well…what a surprise, my two favorite women," Derek said and pulled up chair, first kissing Meredith and then his mother on the cheek.

"Hi Mom," Kevin asked as he joined them, "where did you leave my wife?"

"I believe right now making sure they have shower gifts, and I gave them very specific instructions what I wanted them to get from me."

"Knowing my wife, I get the feeling…she'll be doing shopping for herself."

"I can almost guarantee that dear, but somehow I don't think you'll have any complaints," his mother in law said matter of factly a smile on her face.

"Mer…Mom…we got Shep's wedding dress," Mark joked.

"Mark, stop teasing," Ailene told him. "Do you boys want anything?" They did, and ordered variations of coffee and pastries on the menu, for which Kevin picked up tab.

"Where's Lexie, I've got to tell her the story…"

"She's with Cris and Kat…why would you need to tell her a story…and not the rest?"

"Because, Xena 2…it's something we spoke about…and it doesn't pertain…"

"Mark Sloan, if you continue flirting with my sister…you are going to have to answer to me…and…and Derek."

"Shep doesn't scare me," Mark winked at her, "Grey…you do."

"Mark…" Derek added, "no flirting with either Grey sister…"

"I think that's an excellent idea," Ailene commented.

"Whose side are you on?" Mark joked.

"Family harmony," Ailene said, and they all laughed.

"I don't know about you," Kevin said, "hell, I don't know how Mom has this much resistance after that transatlantic flight, but I'm going to nap…we've got a long night ahead of us."

"You realize your wife isn't there, right?" Mark taunted.

"That's why I'm going to nap…" he laughed, and patted Mark shoulder's, "think about it Sloan, you need a wife."

"I may just surprise you guys…maybe have my own wedding in Venice," he roared, "let's go Kevin, Shep I'll leave this suit for you with the concierge," and the two man walked back to the hotel.

"So…how was your afternoon," Derek said as he leaned over and brushed Meredith's lips with his, and she slipped her hand into his.

"Very good," she said looking over at her mother in law.

"Emotional," Ailene responded, as she placed her hand on top of theirs.

"Is…is something wrong?"

"No dear, nothing is wrong…"

"We were shopping and I bought two baby outfits for Jenna, your Mom's going to take them back, or maybe Kathleen will."

"You what…"

"Yes," she said softly, "for the new baby…from her Godfather…"

"And her new aunt," his mother finished.

"Your mom's convinced she's having a girl, but I bought one of each…just in case."

"Meredith," he whispered very quietly "love…are you ok?"

"She knows…Derek…" she said and he felt his hand squeezed by his mother.

"You're ok," he asked again as his hand cupped her face while gently caressing her.

"I'm ok," she said kissing him softly.

"I think Kevin had the right idea, maybe it would be good to rest up a bit," Mrs. Shepherd said as she started to get up, "I can walk on ahead, Derek, you finish your coffee."

"Call me," Meredith said, "when Kathleen gets back…and we can talk."

"Yes dear," she said and gave each of them a kiss on the cheek, and walked away toward the hotel that was within sight of the café.

Meredith sighed softly and looked deeply in his eyes, "it has been…a very emotional day…please…let's go back to the hotel…I need…I need for you to hold me."

"Let's go," he said getting up, their hands still linked together as they walked in silence until they stopped to get the key to their room.

"Dr. Shepherd, Ms. Grey…"

"Antonio," Derek said reading the name tag, "it's actually Dr. Grey…"

"Oh, Miss…I'm terribly sorry…"

"Don't pay attention to him, it's hardly important Antonio. Do you know if my sister has returned, Lexie Grey or Cristina Yang?"

"No, Dr. Grey," he smiled, "but there was something left for you, I will get it," he said and came back with a small red bag with the name of the jewelers, "we held it in the back."

"Thank you," Meredith said, "wait, there's a mistake there's three boxes here."

"No, there isn't," Derek said and took the bag away from her.

"What did you get ?"

"You'll get it tomorrow…"

"You bought me something else…but Derek…I didn't."

"This is not about keeping count…"

"You don't have to buy me all these gifts."

"I know…but I want to…"

"Ok."

"Ok?"

"I'm not going to argue about getting gifts…not unless they get to be ridiculous."

"Oh," he said as they climbed the stairs, "what would that be?"

"Uhmmm…. a zoo," she answered quickly and they both laughed as he slipped his hand around her waist, and when they reached their room she opened the door with the old fashioned key with its signature red tassel.

Derek placed the bag on top of the desk as she unbuttoned her coat, and when she turned around saw the beautiful bouquet of flowers in shades of white, several shades of pink and the blue hues of fine larkspurs along with delicate delphiniums and vibrant gerberas.

"Derek…those flowers…"

"What flowers…" he asked innocently.

"How can you not notice, on that table…" she said pointing to the round table between two chairs in the sitting area, "and if you don't know about it, who sent them…they're beautiful," she said touching the petals and picked up the card.

"What does it say?"

"Look," she said when he came to stand by her side and they read it.

_Meredith and Derek, congratulations on the wedding, we wish you all the happiness in the world. Kelly insisted we tell you she picked the flowers for Mewedith. With affection, John and Colleen. _

"They are beautiful," he said.

"You knew about this," she asked and started to get emotional.

"I did, John emailed me earlier, that he wanted to talk to me," he said, and hugged her, "I thought it was related to Kelly, so I called, and got Colleen on the phone trying to convince me to accept their offer to stay at the villa, but I declined, and it kind of slipped that we were getting married."

"It kind of slipped…just like that…out of the blue," she teased him.

"I'm excited…" he said almost apologetically, "I want to tell everyone…that…you're going to be my wife…knowing that you've forgiven me…that…in spite all the times I've screwed up…you're giving me another chance," he said, and stopped as he too was becoming overwhelmed by emotions, "that you love me…"

"Oh…Derek," she said, unable to fight the overwhelming emotions of the day, and wrapped her arms around him, "I love you…I love you so much, and today…today has just been…one emotion…on top of the other, hold me…please…just hold me," she said as they embraced each other as though they would never let go.

"I love you…Meredith…I'll love you forever," he said and they held on even when they made their way to the bed, and lay quietly with their arms wrapped around each other.

"Do you want to talk about it," he said after a long while of just breathing in her scent.

"Not now…it's just so much…Derek…today…since this morning…a roller coaster…"

"I know…love…I know…" he said and held her closer, caressing the length of her body, whispering endearments she would remember for a lifetime, and then they began to tell each other all the details about their day.

"Mer…I'm sorry about the baby store…"

"It's ok…it worked out…and like I told you…she was wonderful, and while we sat in that old church, I really felt like my mom had answered me…and when I heard her speak to him…Derek, she calls him Irish too, my dream…it was really very special."

"It was…and it will mean a lot to her, when you share that with her."

"She…thank you…just…thank you for making this happen, our wedding…here with our family," she said, turning to face him.

"I wasn't sure if you were going to kill me…bringing her here…before you were ready."

"I don't know how I would have reacted before…but right now…how I feel, it was perfect…all of them…each of them being here…thank you."

"I wanted this to be special, for you…your wedding day, I didn't want you to ever feel like you don't have family that loves you."

"You've given me that…in addition to everything else…you've given me a family," she said and turned to look at him, "I love you…" she said and kissed him deeply, and they became lost in each other, when suddenly they heard a knock on the door.

"Ohhh…" he moaned, "that's the bad part about families…no sense of timing."

"Ignore them…" she giggled.

"They are tenacious…like a dog with a bone…" he laughed as the knock was louder this time, and he reluctantly got up and went to the door.

"Are we interrupting sex?" Cristina asked, and Lexie snickered.

"Yes," he said and started to close the door.

"Not so fast Shepherd, I was sent with orders."

"Who…sent you?"

"Your mother, to tell Meredith that Kathleen was back, and remind you dinner is at eight."

"My mother sent you," he said blocking their way to no avail as Cristina pushed the door forward and came in with Lexie.

"Mer, you are not supposed to have sex till your wedding night, I take it," Cristina told her, "at least that's what Sloan said."

"It's fine…we already did," she laughed and winked at Derek.

"You have not, you have that need to get laid look, both of you."

"Cristina…"

"What…it's true…look at Derek…"

"Speak up Xena, what are you laughing about …"

"That's what Mark said," Lexie said, "she's only repeating what he just said."

"You just saw Mark," Meredith asked sitting up in the middle of the bed.

"We just had drinks with him, met up with him when we got back, so it was either him or us coming to keep the two of you from engaging in sex."

"You are making that up…my mother did not send you."

"Your mother has her ways…of even making Cristina talk Derek…we just spent the last thirty minutes with her, and she has ways…"

"Scary…" Cristina said, "she actually got me to talk…about my wedding…"

"What?" Derek and Meredith said simultaneously.

"Yeah…let's don't go there, I had a temporary lapse in judgment."

"She told Cristina if can tone done the somewhat…bitter attitude, she may even think of playing matchmaker for her too…but that she'd better not make Mer cry again…"

"She told you …that you had a bitter attitude," Meredith said, "seriously?"

"She made you cry…you didn't tell me …"

"Oh crap…I wasn't …I shouldn't have said that…" Lexie rambled, "Derek, really, it was nothing…she was just…it's all worked out…"

"Derek…I've just been emotional…and hormones still out of whack…it's ok…"

"You made her cry…you claim you're her person," he said with in a quiet but angry tone, "I bring you here, invite you here…and all you can do…is make her cry…"

"Derek…" Meredith said walking over to him, "let it go…it's fine…we're ok."

"Derek," Cristina said, "I'm sorry…I've apologized to Mer, I'm doing the same now, and I thank you, for making it possible to be here…for your wedding."

"I did it for her…"

"I know…you did," Cristina said to him, "truce…can our truce continue?"

"Truce continues…" he said, "for her."

"Ok, Cristina, let's go…" Lexie said and as she left the room, "Mer…call Kathleen."

"She made you cry…you didn't tell me…Meredith, I swear…sometimes…"

"I'll tell you about it…later…ok," she said and kissed him. "Do you have any idea where we're going tonight?"

"Not a clue, it's casual though…I was told jeans and sports jacket would do…"

"That's more than I got…" Meredith said, "so…I guess…our special evening will have to wait…till we're married…"

"It's just as well…because not being able to take the little black dress… off you…tonight…would be torture…"

"And…tearing off your red shirt…" she purred against his lips, "doing all your favorite things."

"Tease…" he said as he bit her lip gently.

"Beasts…" she giggled, "unleashed…tomorrow night…"

"No more delays I hope…"

"Don't even think about it…Derek…do not even think about that possibility," she giggled, as they became lost in a passion filled kiss.

The phone rang a few minutes later, it was Kathleen calling to ask if Meredith was ready and wanted them to talk before dinner, and Meredith told her she would meet them at seven fifteen in Ailene's room.

"Do you want me to come with you?" Derek asked her, without really knowing what would be best.

"Of course I do…Derek…I thought… I always thought we'd do this together."

"I'll be there…if you need me…but, it seems you and Mom…you're ok, and she may want to talk to you…you know…other things too…"

"You mean the mother daughter talk…"

"I think she already dealt with that earlier today," he laughed, referring to her comment to Mark.

"Derek…this…it's not just my dream…it's ours…our baby…our parents…for some reason I had the dream…but it's ours…" she said and he knew from the emotion in her voice, she'd never considered any other option than him being there with her.

"You're right…it's ours to share with them," he said and kissed her softly before they walked out of the room holding hands and went to join his mother and sister.

"Derek, honey, I didn't expect to see you now," his mother said.

"Thanks Mom…" he said feigning to be hurt.

"Derek…no joking right now," she said as the door closed behind them.

"I'm teasing you Mom."

"I know…but, I don't think Meredith wanting to talk to us tonight, before the wedding was a joking matter," she said.

"Nice room Mom…" he joked in spite of himself, he'd made sure both Kathleen and his mom had a separate sitting area in their rooms.

"Derek Cristopher…"

"Mom…there's nothing wrong," he said walking over to her and hugging her, recognizing the familiar trait that during times of trouble, her sense of humor was replaced with nervousness.

"You're sure…"

"I'm positive," he said and grabbed her hand and pulled her along to the love seat and sat down in the middle with each woman beside him. Kathleen on the chair adjacent to them.

"Ailene…today…in church, I heard you call him Irish…" Meredith said.

"Yes…I still do…but, you heard me…I didn't even realize I spoke out loud…"

"I didn't know…you called him that too…"

"You said too, that I called him that too," she questioned, "Meredith…Derek told you his father and I…that was our nickname for each other…"

"No, Mom…I didn't tell her…"

"Then…how…"

"It's what we wanted to talk to you about…what Meredith wanted to tell you…" he said.

"I don't understand Derek," Kathleen said.

"You will…trust me…you will…"

"Well, don't keep us in suspense, we don't have all day," Kathleen said.

"Shush…Kathleen…Derek…talk to me…" his mother said.

"Mom…Meredith told me about your conversation today…about her whole day really, and it…it all falls into place…"

"Derek," his mom said impatiently…"you're talking about today and now you mention weeks ago…will you please…"

"Mom…I have to tell you…set up the story…"

"Just like your father," she said, reaching for his hand, "always a story…remember…his once upon a time…" she said melancholically.

"Mom…remember a few weeks ago, I told you I was taking Meredith away for a few days…"

"Derek, I'm not senile."

"Derek," Kathleen told him, "she's getting impatient, cut the crap out, she's nervous and you know it."

"Ailene," Meredith said softly, "let him tell it…it's a special story…a very special story for us…for Derek and I…"

"Mom, the day that Meredith …that she…."

"The day I lost the baby…" Meredith said reaching for his other hand and squeezing it gently before letting it go.

"I was forced to go into surgery…" he said and told the story of how he'd operated on Kelly and how Meredith had a dream, and when they had seen Kelly she'd talked about an angel, with the same name…as in Meredith's dream… Brianna.

"Dear…that is very special…Meredith, that's a very spiritual dream…"

"There's more Mom," he said, "the day we came back from our trip, Meredith found…" he said and told of the baby's onesie and how she had given it to him when she found out she was pregnant, and all three woman had tears in their eyes as he told the story, not every detail of the intimate argument that had followed that night, but only of the heartbreak she'd felt when she'd found the baby's outfit again.

"Then…that night, Meredith had a dream…that is what we wanted to share with both of you…her dream…because…it involves both of you…and we knew, we had to tell you. But she wanted to tell you in person… we just didn't know how soon it would be possible to do this…I mean, we knew it would be within a couple of months…since Kathleen was visiting and she'd said she'd bring you along…and by the way…at the spa, we have certificates for both of you…we'll mail them, when we get home…or we won't…since…you're visiting."

"Oh my God…Derek…I love you…I do…but we have to try…really try to stop rambling," Meredith laughed, "Kathleen, you're the shrink help…"

"Help…you've had me rambling since I met you Meredith…" Kathleen laughed.

"All right, the three of you…enough…get on with the story, before God forbid, I begin to ramble too," Ailene Shepherd ordered, and all of then laughed before Meredith continued.

"I knew…" Meredith began, "I had a similar dream before, but only remembered the name…Brianna…and then…the dream began as the one before, I was sitting on a rocking chair, holding a baby…and Derek was playing with two boys…on our land," she said softly, and then from this point on was not able to keep the tears from flowing as she repeated her dream, "I heard the most beautiful voice…call me Mommy…" and she heard the soft gasps of both Kathleen and his mother.

She repeated her dream, at times, Derek wiped away her tears as the story unfolded, amazed at how she remembered and repeated each detail of her dream as the first time she told him, "she was so beautiful…our baby…and she spoke about her grandma and grandpa," she continued with what her mother had told her, "and then, she told me that they laugh at us sometimes because we're being brainless," she said and smiled, "imagine how I felt…hearing all these things…wondering if I was crazy, not ever wanting to wake up and not be able to see her."

"You're not crazy sweetheart," her mother in law squeezed her hand, "it's a beautiful dream."

"She said…she had a message for her daddy, that it was silly, but he was a boy…and boys were silly…and she said, tell daddy and Kat…that she's right…he always sees over them…" she said and stopped when she heard Kathleen's broken cry and saw her get up and sit next to her mother, on the now crowded love seat.

"Your dream…Meredith…Dad…Dad…gave you a message …for me, all this years I've known…I've known he was there…and you…" she cried with her head on her mother's shoulder. "Mom…he's there…he's always there…"

"I know dear…I've known that for years…" she soothed her daughter as she hugged her.

"There's more," Derek said, and he repeated the dream and the comment about his baby finding it silly her grandpa spoke of cats and a red fish, and had to explain the fishing story.

"Mer," Kathleen smiled, "you went fly fishing and caught the biggest fish with the lure Derek discouraged you to use…"

"I did…and he's not ever going fishing there again, there were bears Kathleen, bears by the river bank."

"We'll have to make sure we stay indoors at the spa," Kathleen joked.

"Meredith," Ailene spoke sensing there was more, "was …there was more?"

"Brianna," she said softly, "she really liked that name, you know…she picked it herself, I think she knew of her Irish background," she smiled at her mother in law, "she was very adamant that I remember this…" she said, and lost in her thoughts repeated her words verbatim "my grandpa told me, if you ever talk to your mommy…he said for you to tell my daddy's mommy that," Meredith paused just like her little girl had, "she wasn't too sure of the bigger words…just like a four year old would be, but Briana she told me, let me remember right….he loves her lots and lots, no wait, he said something lifetime, they talk so much mommy, but it was something Irish…whish is so funny…" she finished just as she saw her mother reach over to hug Derek and sob, and soon found her hand held in hers as well.

"Oh God…so many years…so many years…I have felt his presence…and this…this

you…lost…lost your baby…your baby girl…my granddaughter," she said cried holding on to Derek, "and then…she …she brought a gift…such a priceless gift, Meredith," she said releasing Derek, and getting up to sit by Meredith and hug her, "do you realize how lucky…how beautiful …what a priceless spiritual gift you got…"

"I do…I did…but…it was your gift too…it was meant for you and Kathleen to share that too…and now you know my dream…our dreams…and …I hope…I hope…"

"Oh…sweetheart…never…never doubt it. Just like we talked today…one day…one day…Meredith…I'm going to be right there…holding your first…your next baby in my arms…and Brianna…and your Mom…and your Dad," she said reaching out for Derek's hand…and then further to Kathleen's and placing it on top of her brother's, "we're all going to be there…to help celebrate your dream."

Ailene Shepherd brought her three children together in a tight embrace, "thank you…thank you for sharing that with me…with us…" she said, "you have no idea what a gift you've given me."

"You…you've been my gift too…both of you…being in my life…accepting me without conditions…as Derek's wife…being my family."

"Mer, I told you…when I met you…you'd gained an older sister…and I didn't say it then because, I know how private you are and it was soon, but what I felt while I was with you…all those days, when you just know how someone is supposed to be part of your life…and you are…and I love you…I do…not because of this…but this…just makes it so much easier to tell you…only a very special person gets that kind of dream…that gift…and I think Dad wanted you to know…he too…would look after you…his new daughter."

"You…two…are determined to make me cry and become all sentimental…" she said softly and wiped away the tears, "and after today, I think I'm cried out for tomorrow, and I still haven't spent time with Lexie, and that will be another crying session I'm sure."

"Meredith, she knows…her Mother…you told her about it?" Ailene asked.

"Oh yes…she's the only other person that knows…knows my entire dream."

"She's…both of you are very special …" Ailene smiled at her.

"She really likes you," Meredith said.

"I like her too…and I'm already thinking ahead…" she smiled and winked at Meredith, "of all the possibilities…"

"You are…"

"Uh huh…just like you are…" she hugged her again.

"God help us," Meredith giggled.

"How the mighty will fall," she laughed, sharing the private joke with Meredith.

"What are you two laughing about?" Derek asked, followed by Kathleen.

"Some…would call it fate dear, but it's just too soon to tell," his mother said.

"Kat…" Derek laughed, "it happened, she's rambling…"

Meredith and Aileen looked at each other and laughed again, "maybe not…maybe not," Meredith said.

They heard a soft knock on the door and Kathleen went to answer and found Kevin on the other side, "what's wrong," he said immediately, "why are you crying?"

She looked at Meredith, who nodded. "Kevin…honey…the most wonderful thing…" she said promising to tell him later.

"You've all been crying…Kathleen, Mom…what's going on?"

"Dreams dear," Ailene told him, "dreams…about to be fulfilled."


	144. Chapter 144

**Ch 139 – Wedding traditions**

They were about a half hour late by the time they met up for dinner at a small restaurant Mark guaranteed, and was proven correct, worthy of the highest Michelin rating. They dined on a variety of local dishes including handmade black pasta tortellini with lobster sauce, baby octopus and specifically for Meredith dessert was chocolate soufflé, its core filled with molten chocolate.

Several toasts had been made when Lexie commented, "did you guys know Casanova was a frequent visitor to the café where we had lunch today?"

"Casanova," Cristina smirked, "as in the world's greatest lover…"

"Yes, he was Venetian… actually imprisoned right by our hotel, for his outrages against religion, he had lots of public scandals and seductions, you name it…debauchery in general."

"Is that why we were there, Mark…" Cristina laughed, "you picked the place, you wanted to gain some tips by osmosis."

"You never know Yang," he laughed, "when new techniques…"

"From everything I've heard, I hardly think he needs lessons in that area…" Lexie laughed.

"So…Grey," Mark said with sheepish grin, "that photographic memory of yours…do you remember any specific details…" hr paused drawing out the rest of the comment, "on the scandals?"

"Wouldn't you like to know," Lexie laughed, "actually it's quite interesting, he escaped what was referred to as the "inescapable" prison and left a note behind that said "I shall not die, but live, and declare the works of the Lord," and then moved to Paris.

"You are full of interesting information," Mark told her.

"Lexie Grey, what are you doing," Meredith scolded, "we agreed, and you Mark…no flirting with my sister."

"Lighten up…Mer…we're having fun," Mark laughed, "not even married and you're getting to be a prude…just like Derek."

"Derek…a prude…" Kathleen teased him, "I forgot, Kevin, he was so shocked, that I'd call you…and we…"

"Kathleen…" Derek warned, "Mom is here…have you forgotten?"

"Derek…I had five kids, and have been around these two for twenty years, more…really, you think they shock me?"

"I'm not sure that was a compliment Mom," Kevin laughed.

"Well…you shouldn't be surprised Kevin, you know me well enough by now…"

"You'd think…right…" he laughed.

"Though…I do admit…it's good to surprise my children…every now and then."

"You mean like the real secret admirer you don't want to tell Derek about," Kevin teased her.

"Well, no…" she paused, "not really….more like…" she stopped and winked at Meredith, "more like the fact that I knew you and Kathleen were living together months before you got married," she said without missing a beat.

Meredith laughed and they all looked at her curiously before she said, "what…both of you, Mark and Derek you wanted to bribe her…"

"Cat got your tongue Kathleen," Mark joked, "no pun intended…"

"You knew…you knew were living together?"

"There's not much I don't know about dear…sooner or later…"

"Mom…you knew…and you coerced me into moving back home…a month before the wedding…telling me it made sense not to have to pay rent…for that month at my apartment…and you knew…"

"I have to set the moral tone dear…if I don't…who will? So that remains a tradition," she said smiling, "especially since apparently the groom should not see the bride on the wedding day."

"You old fox…" Kevin laughed.

"Trying to flatter me now…" she laughed, and reached over the table and patted her son in law's hand, "just you wait, you'll be thanking me when it's your daughters…"

"Mom, bite your tongue, my girls are not having sex till they're married," he said and everyone including his mother in law laughed.

"What…Kat…you're not…seriously…they're not old enough…"

"No honey, they're not," she indulged him.

"Let's make another toast," Mark said, "to living in fantasyland …" he laughed.

"You ass," Kevin said, "just you wait…till you have daughters."

"Who says I'm having daughters…or kids…"

"Fate's gonna come back and kick your ass…Sloan," Kevin laughed, "mark my words."

"Mark dear," Ailene said, "somehow…I get the feeling he may be right."

"Stop with the feelings," Mark said, "Mom…just don't even think it…you're too damn accurate with those feelings of yours for my liking…I'm not planning on getting married or having kids."

"Of course dear, I'll just instruct my brain to stop," she laughed and looked over at Meredith and smiled, "you agree, don't you Meredith, that we can just stop those feelings?"

"How the hell did Grey get involved in this," Mark asked.

"I don't know dear…" Ailene said in a mock surprised voice, "how does a Grey get involved in this…" she said and again had Meredith giggling at her choice of words.

"Mom…" she heard the echoes from four adults, while Derek whispered to Meredith, "uh…how does a Grey get involved in this conversation…fess up Mer…you and Mom are up to something."

"What are you talking about?" she said.

"I love," he said looking at her intently, the rest of their family forgotten, "that there would be something the two of you would find…to conspire about," he smiled, "that you and Mom…have so easily accepted each other…but…Mer…"

"You didn't do so bad…" she murmured against his lips, "with a Grey…did you…"

He looked at her with a questioning glare before he laughed, "God help him…"

"He helped me," Meredith giggled before he found her lips.

"He helped me too…finding you…you saved me…" he said more seriously.

"We saved each other…"

"Yes…we did," he said as he tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, and kissed her again softly, "Meredith, I love you."

"I love you Derek," she said, reaching for his hand as she leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her, just in time to pay attention again to what his mother was saying.

"What is this…the peanut gallery," Ailene laughed. "Meredith and Derek…do carry on, don't mind the rest of us here. Lexie, Cristina…you're very quiet."

"Just saving the comments…" Cristina said, "for later."

"As long as they're not all…"

"Ailene," Lexie interrupted before she finished the statement, "don't you think we better go…I mean…we have all of Mer's shower gifts…and it's already close to ten, and the wedding is tomorrow, and we …well, especially Meredith needs to get a good night's sleep…beauty sleep and all, and be nice and rested have no dark circles…"

"I don't have dark circles," Meredith protested, "and…why are you so interested in me getting to bed early…you're the one that has dark circles after not sleeping for so long…and jet lag, at least I've had a few days…"

"Ok…lassies no arguing…" Mark said.

"Lassies…" Kathleen laughed, "manwhore used the word lassie…"

"Kathleen…watch your language," her mom said, but ruined the effect by smiling at her.

"Hey…they are…you know…fittingly Irish in honor of Mom here…and they're sisters, they shouldn't be arguing."

"Since…when," Derek asked, now a bit more curious over his Mom & Meredith's comments, "are you a peacekeeping force member?"

"Since I like both Greys."

"Huh," was Derek's reply, and felt the gentle squeeze of Meredith's hand on his thigh, and smiled at her.

"You're happy," she said softly, "aren't you?"

"You know I am…and as long as you are…"

"I want that…for her too…"

"Lexie?"

"Yes…"

"Meredith…"

"I want her to be happy…one day…just like we are."

"All right you two, break it up…" Mark's booming voice resonated in the small restaurant. "'Lexie's right, we need to get going. Shep, we have a bachelor party waiting to happen."

"Really…" Meredith asked with feigned interest, before telling him, "you better not get him drunk…"

"Don't worry Grey, he'll be in top shape for tomorrow night."

"Mark," Derek warned.

"What…we all know you two had a night of sex planned, and Mom thwarted that, so now… you have to wait," he laughed.

"Ass." Derek said.

"Now…Shep," Kevin said, "come on, we don't want to screw with tradition."

"Just because you…" Derek started to say.

"Listen, Derek Cristopher, stop whining, you're not five," his mom said and smiled.

"Mark is right, we do have to get on with the evening…you guys do your thing, we're going back to the hotel."

"I have a better idea," Derek said, "we can do a joint shower…we can be there."

"No…absolutely not, seriously…" they got as a response from the women except Meredith.

"Why not?"

"Derek…don't make me think your sisters are right," his mom said jokingly.

"All right…" Meredith said, "stop teasing him…" and then kissed him softly, "he can't help it…" she giggled, "Ailene, he is brainless…but it's one of the things I love about him..."

"Seriously….Mer…" Cristina said, "seriously sappy…"

"Oh hush…" Ailene told her, "she's entitled to be sappy on the night before her wedding…and just you wait…just like that one," she pointed to Mark, "is going to be in way over his head, so are you," she said and reached over the table and as she'd done earlier with her son in law, patted her hand.

"Ah…" Cristina started, "Mama Shep," while the rest of them gawked at her expression, "what…she told me to…"

"I did… tell her to call me whatever felt most comfortable."

Meredith giggled and Derek laughed, earning a death glare from Cristina, "you know…you two seriously need to get…"

"Ok…" Kevin laughed, "on that note…we are leaving…ladies, we'll walk you back to your hotel, unless you want to take a night tour on a gondola?"

"We don't have time tonight dear," Ailene said, "but, tomorrow would be lovely, Cristina finish what you started to say."

"That they need to get …"

"No dear, we all know that," Ailene laughed, "before they so rudely interrupted."

"Oh…that…just that I wouldn't bet on me and manwhore…and all that head over heels crap…"

"I didn't say that…necessarily…but…Cristina…I've pretty good odds in the bets department , just ask Kevin…and my other sons in law…"

"Think it will be more fun to watch," Kevin said, "Mom…don't give away all your secrets."

"You're probably right dear," she chuckled, "a lot more fun to watch."

"Kevin honey," Kathleen said, "do not get him drunk…"

"Kat, what fun are you?" Mark said. "We need strippers and drunken…"

"He, is here…" Derek said, "and I don't need either of those…"

"This is it man…your last chance," Mark laughed, "no more whoring after this."

"Mark," Ailene scolded, "that is inappropriate."

"Wait a minute…you're picking on me…what about everything else…everyone else got to make comments…"

"Derek is not like that…" she defended her son.

"Thanks mom," he smiled, and as she was sitting next to him, kissed her cheek.

"You're welcome, dear. Now, it really is time for us to get back to the hotel, so we can spend a couple of hours with Meredith …just the women."

Mark settled the bill as the friendly banter continued, and before they got ready to leave, Meredith said, "I know we've run out of wine…but…I'd like to say something." She paused. "Tonight…before we go…because tomorrow…I want to think of happy things…"

"Meredith," Derek said, certain he knew what she would bring up, and wanting to protect her from any more emotional turmoil this day, "it's been a long day," and pulled her closer to him and kissed the top of her head, "you don't…"

"I can… I can do this," she interrupted him, and as she reached for his hand and met his gaze, spoke quietly, reassuring him, "I'm ok."

Everyone was quiet, understanding that whatever she had to say was important.

"When Derek and I came back from the spa…after …after losing the baby…I couldn't say anything, my emotions got the best of me, and he spoke…for us both…but tonight…" she said softly, "I want…need you to know…how much it means to me that you are all here. Each of you, except Ailene," she said, and gave her a gentle smile, "knew what we'd been through…and made…that moment," she paused and closed her eyes and her lips trembled slightly, "of absolute heartbreak and sadness," she opened eyes, now filled with tears, "in our lives…so much easier to deal with…knowing how very much you cared."

"Meredith…" he whispering in her ear, "don't…do this…don't make it harder."

"It's not," she said and wiped a tear away, "it's not…Derek," she whispered, though it did not go unheard in the silence filled room. "She was our baby…and it's ok…to talk about her, tonight…it's ok."

"Sweetheart," she felt her mother in law's hand in hers, "go ahead…"

"I've never been very good…with family…but…tonight I know, that family…those ties that bind us are not always dictated by blood…because, what you've shown me, without really knowing me… your affection …and that each of you is here with us tonight, means so very much …that you'd take the time…and be here…even though often times there were many doubts we'd ever make it…or," she said looking at Cristina, "more often than not thinking we were totally wrong for each other, and still you are here…all of you…we…Derek and I… could not ask for a better gift than to have our friends and family here tonight…tomorrow…at our wedding."

Derek drew her closer to him and wrapped his arms around her, "I love you."

"Uhmm," she murmured so quietly only he heard it.

"You ok," he whispered against her ear.

"Yes…"

Mark was the first to speak and the tone of his voice revealed how deeply moved he was, though he tried to conceal it with humor. "All this sappy and sentimental talk and you two all over each other, guys it's embarrassing."

"Really Mer," Cristina said, equally touched by her words.

"I'm not done."

"What…more touchy feely…" Cristina said, "Derek, do something…in honor of our …."

"Truce…" he smiled.

"Please…" Cristina responded.

"Hush…it's our rehearsal dinner, I get to say anything I want… right Mark?"

"Not really Grey, I mean we didn't rehearse anything," he winked at her, "but since when is anything …traditional with you two?"

"Meredith, it's your rehearsal dinner…and you get to say whatever you want dear," her mother in law commented.

"I admit…Mark, to being overly sentimental…but…I never expected to find myself proposed to…much less about to be married…in Venice…" she said smiling.

"Actually, Mer…you haven't told us about the engagement…and you promised you would," Lexie commented, "and it was great you sent us a picture of the ring right away and all, but we want details…"

"You'll get them…" she smiled, "but…I really do want to be serious…just tonight."

"Mer…" Cristina said, "Lexie is right it's late…we should get to your presents."

"It won't take long…" she was adamant she'd finish what she wanted to say and then put it behind them. "Almost a month ago, it seemed as though Derek and I were not going to make it…"

"Meredith," Derek said, "please…don't."

"Trust me…" she replied, "please."

"And…I wasn't sure if things would ever work out…if we could get past it all…then, that night…I found my sister…I found what it meant to have a sister…one I pushed away…and treated horribly…"

"Mer…that's not true…"

"Yeah…Lexie…it was… but she didn't give up on me…and I'm grateful…very grateful…that I have my sister…who was determined that Derek was going to be her brother in law, even when I was not even considering speaking to him…"

"I was right…Mer…about him…"

"Yes, you were…" she smiled. "Then…Cristina…my person…who'd always been there for me…wasn't…and she may been right…in some ways…about our past…but…that she's here…that this afternoon she chose to stay and be here…I will never forget…"

"Mer…really…touchy feely…too much…" Cristina added with a smirk, more so to coceal her own emotions, how she felt about her person.

"I'm ignoring your comments," she said to Cristina. "Mark…my knight…who along with Cristina bet against us…but at least gave us 23 days…" she said smiling.

"Grey…that's not fair…"

"No, it's not…" she said, "you…you have been the most wonderful friend to us…and we will never forget…you will forever be my knight…and…one day…one day, again…you'll …" she smiled as she felt her hand being held in his as he reached across the table, "but now…you're here…the bestman…"

"Grey…you don't play fair," he said to her quietly, and brought her hand to his lips, and met her gaze and she understood she indeed had found a friend for a lifetime.

"Kevin…finally, we meet…and I can't thank you enough for understanding…our need…my need to have Kathleen be with us… she was there because we'd reached the end, Derek called her after I said terrible things, and then…somehow…even before she got there…we knew…we realized that we were meant to be together…and then we had a moment of unexpected happiness…" she said quietly, "but like a thief in the night…" she said, now unable to hide her tears, "each hope…and dream…was shattered…but in that time…my family…Kathleen…another sister…each of you…and Alex and Izzie, George …your words…your card…your support…we won't ever forget that you were there for us… that you I had a family."

"Meredith…please…please…you don't have to do this…"

"I do…Derek…I do…it's therapy…think of it that way…it's me… trusting…trusting my family…with our …with putting our past behind it…and starting tomorrow…with new dreams…"

"Honey," he heard his Mom say, "let her…"

"And then…Ailene," she said and leaned over to kiss her, "never…in my wildest dreams…did I imagine… that one day…someone like you would be in my life…that with just a few emails…and then…today…you'd be able to warm my heart…and" she paused as her mother in law pulled her close, and hugged her.

"You," Ailene said, "are so very welcome to this family…you…are in my heart as my daughter."

"Ok…you see…Cristina, Mark…when I'm sappy and sentimental…they've made me like this, the Shepherds …and the rambler there," she indicated at Lexie, "that so certain in telling me our loved ones…watch over us…always…and they do…"

"You only need to trust your heart…Mer…that's all it took…"

"Unlike her older sister…she's the wise one I guess," she said rolling her eyes.

Derek had been quietly listening to her, proud of how much she'd grown…how much she was proving him wrong, that she didn't trust anyone.

"Meredith…all you've said," Derek spoke to everyone, "we…we will always remember your support…during this time…and that you're here to celebrate …tomorrow."

"But…"she said, "I'm not done yet….I've saved the best for last," she said, first leaning to him and brushing his lips with hers, "you…you…are my life… my strength when I thought my heart would shatter, not just once but all over again…my strength each time I doubted, each time I hurt you…each time I pushed you away…you saved me…in so many ways…and there are no words for me to thank you…except…here…now…in front of our family…in front of these people that know and love us best…they have to know…that my life is nothing without you…and I will spend the rest of it…loving you…always…"

In the silence that followed, words were not necessary as the overwhelming emotions and love between two people, whose legendary love would one day be a treasured legacy for their family, spoke volumes and blended in perfect synchronicity with the romance of the night, as the distant strings of a gondolier could be barely heard in farewell to another Venetian night.

_A/N 10/24 Thanks for your patience and your continued interest in the story...there's only a handful of you making comments, but I appreciate them so very much. This was too long a chapter for some boards that have 6000 words limites, so it's posted as Part 1 & Pt 2._

_It had writer's block...after some spoilers...but finally was able to get most of this written Wednesday, and after last night's epi with Mer/Der scenes...finished it earlier. I'll post Pt 2 on the weekend, long updates seem to have less interest. Thank you again for reading. Warm regards, Jasmin_


	145. Chapter 145

**Ch 139 – Wedding traditions Pt 2 **

Derek reached for her and kissed her, uncaring of their audience where not one set of yes remained dry, holding her face in his hands, he whispered, "I am…" he paused, as he fought to control his emotions and the lump permanently in his throat since she'd uttered the words, you are my life, "I am humbled…and shamed by your words…but…I have never been more grateful, or thankful in my life…that you…still love me…that after all…even this week…how I acted…you love me."

"This week…" she said, kissing him back, "you have made me love you more."

"I adore you Meredith…I always will."

"I'm holding you to it…there's no turning back…I came back for you…" she said, knowing that there were no longer any secrets between them.

"And I will always be there," he said as they deepened their kiss briefly, thought it was the voices of their souls that spoke of their love and commitment.

"Signore…signorina," they heard the voice of an older woman, "you are getting married…and you celebrate here in my restaurant…you had to tell us we could have made special cake for you…but it does not matter…I have something for you tomorrow…I send a special cake I make for weddings and my gift…because it is so special you celebrate here tonight, and you come from the United States…all of you, so it will be my special gift for good luck in your marriage. You will tell me where the celebration is, and we will send it."

"That's very generous," Derek said, "we would be honored to have your cake tomorrow."

"I am sure you already have one, but this one, will be special for you, I think with chocolate for the signorina. You know the cake at weddings, that tradition started here in Italy, in the first century… before Christ, you would have bread or cake broken over the brides head…and that was to ensure fertility…but now, just you eat the cake…and all my brides…that eat my cake…they have bellissimo bambini."

Meredith and Derek exchanged a smile, a bittersweet memory, knowing fertility had not been a problem, and gently squeezed the other's hand, and he leaned close to her and whispered, "one day…we'll be back here…and show our healthy…beautiful…babies."

"I love you Derek…" she said as she wrapped her arms around him and buried her face in his chest, simply enjoying the promises made on a night filled with hopes and dreams.

"Now," Ailene said, "I'm afraid I'm the one that has to bring this to an end…we have a bridal shower to attend, at the very least…gifts to open before we fall flat on our faces, and oversleep tomorrow."

"Let's go," Derek said, "we'll walk you to the hotel…unless, you want to change your mind and we can all be there…"

"Not a chance dear, but you can walk us back."

The Italian woman made sure to get their information and again thanked them for their patronage as well as wishing them much happiness, and Derek told her they were planning on returning for their anniversary and would be sure to visit again.

The group left the restaurant and the two couples immediately snuggled with one another, holding hands and stealing kisses along the way to the hotel. Mark linked his arm through Ailene's and both engaged Lexie and Cristina in conversation that had both Kathleen and Kevin and Meredith and Derek wondering what the unlikely foursome could be laughing about as they walked through the streets of Venice and lead the way to the hotel.

"Kathleen," Ailene turned around as they were about to turn the corner to the hotel by the old Doge's Palace, "we'll be in my room…I know these two want a few minutes alone...they won't be seeing each other till the wedding tomorrow, just make sure you and Meredith join us in ten minutes," don't make me have to come looking for you."

"Yes," Kevin chuckled, "sergeant."

"You, of all people should not doubt my resolve," she stated.

"Yes, Mom," he laughed.

"Derek…you'll see her in the morning…" Ailene said, "put the five minutes you have to good use."

"Oh my God," Cristina laughed, "did you just tell them …" she stopped and continued laughing, "you'll never see them…the rest of the night."

"That is where you're wrong dear, they've experienced me coming after them first hand."

"You did not…" Cristina told her.

"Wanna bet?"

"Mama Shep…you're on…but…I've got a better bet for you," she said and went on to tell her what she thought.

"You're on," Ailene laughed, "you are definitely on," as the four of them continued to walk and reached the hotel.

"Ok, you two…you have five minutes…seriously, Mom will come looking for us."

"She will not," Derek told her.

"You're getting old Shep…if you don't remember when she went looking for Nancy the night of my rehearsal dinner and instead found Kevin and I…"

"I remember…I don't want to hear about it…"

"You are a prude Shep, I didn't believe Kathleen…but man…old age is getting to you," Kevin joked.

"Get out of here," Derek said, "you're taking up my time," and grabbed Meredith's hand and pulled her toward the covered passage of the Doge's Palace much like they had done a few nights before, but this time, heard his sister's delighted laughter followed by Kevin's chuckling a few minutes later.

"Mer…" he said as he drew her into him, "I love you…so much…"

"I love you too, Derek…this…this surprise with them all here…thank you…you are spoiling me so much…and I'm loving every minute of it…I need to do something…for you too…but I don't think anything I come up with can ever live up to what you've done for me…for our wedding…"

"You don't have to…all I want is for you to be happy."

"I am…Derek, I am happy…and being with you is all that matters, but this…bringing them here…that was incredibly special."

"Let's not waste more time," he said, meeting her gaze, the seductive perusal of his eyes on hers then lowered to her mouth before he smiled and captured her lips in a kiss filled with passion, making them forget the world around them as he leaned against the massive columns for support and she leaned into him, his arousal evident as she softly moaned against his lips.

"Meredith, Derek…" Kathleen called out for them long after the ten minutes had passed to no avail, until Kevin spoke up in a louder stronger voice, "guys, snap out of it…we did…Shep…I'm coming to look for you guys."

The last words finally penetrated their senses and Derek groaned, "oh…shit…Mer…I'm sorry…we…"

"You…" she said breathlessly, "have a hell of a lot to make up for…and if you even think…for one minute," she told him, "we're taking it slow…"

"Shep…dammit…where the hell are you guys?"

"Stop shouting, we're coming."

"I bet," Kevin laughed while Kathleen swatted him, "don't tease them."

"Honey…too hard to resist…" he joked again, "at least…I'll get to spend the night with you…"

"Damn right you will," she teased, "but honey…we haven't slept in twenty four hours…I'm not sure either of us will have the stamina."

"Ah…that's where you're wrong," he teased and kissed her, "I had a nap this afternoon."

"Promises….promises…"

"You better believe it…keep that shower short…"

"With you as my incentive….we'll be done in an hour," she laughed and wrapped her arms around him ad kissed him.

"What the hell are you doing?" Derek said as he met up with them, Meredith close to his side as he kept his arm around her.

"Talking about our evening together…later…unlike you…" Kathleen teased.

"See," he said turning to Meredith, "told you Jenna should be your favorite sister in law."

"You ass," Kathleen jabbed him, just as they heard Mark's booming voice.

"About time you showed up, you got me as the warning…let go of the women and let's go, we've got all night to party."

"Do not even think," Kathleen warned.

"We'll be back by one," Kevin added quickly.

"You'd better be," Kathleen answered, "if you…"

"Kat," Kevin said and kissed her silent, "have fun."

"You too honey…I'll be waiting," she whispered.

"You two are disgusting…haven't you gotten tired of the same woman after twenty years?"

"Go away, you manwhore…you're just jealous, and I'm going to just wait to you fall head over heels…just like Mom said."

"You're delusional, now both of you go away…and Shep, your Mom said you should get your stuff out of the room now, because you're not going to see Grey till tomorrow, so you can stay in her room, she's ordered a roll away bed to stay with Meredith to make sure you don't get any ideas of breaking tradition."

"That's absurd…I'm not going to…"

"Derek..." Kathleen said, "don't fight it…she'll win…guarantee it."

"Derek…" Meredith said, "I think she would."

"Whose side are you on?" he teased her.

"Tradition…and not doing one damn thing to jinx it."

"Fair enough," he laughed and kissed her softly, "come on, we'll walk back together so I can get my things."

Derek went to their room while she and Kathleen went to meet the other women.

"Mer," Kathleen said, "let's talk a few minutes before we join them, not long."

"Ok," she said and followed Kathleen to her room, and waited while she reached for the phone and dialed.

"Mom, I'm with Meredith…we're in my room and we'll be there in a few minutes. Everything is fine, I just wanted a little time with her before we joined you."

"Kat…" Meredith said with a bit of hesitancy.

"Don't give me that look, I haven't had a chance to spend any time with you and I just wanted to ask you…how you're feeling…you look happy…but want to make sure you're ok…that Derek's been patient and understanding."

"Are we having the sex talk…the sister…sister talk?"

"Not the sex talk…just the sister talk."

"He's been wonderful…I'm the one who's been impatient…Kat, since we talked…that time…right after, while we were still at the spa, he's been so caring and tender…and just…perfect…and we haven't…"

"You haven't been intimate since the miscarriage, honey is everything ok, there wasn't anything physically, medically wrong, you've been to the doctor?"

"No…nothing's wrong, I've been to the doctor, and I was concerned," she told her what had happened, "and he said we should wait two days…after the spotting stopped completely…"

"That's sound medical advise."

"Yes…that's driving us crazy the past few days...but Derek insisted we wait…and well…tonight…"

"Tonight would have been two full days?"

"Yeah…"

Kathleen surprised her by laughing.

"It's not really a laughing matter you know," Meredith giggled.

"I know…just Mom's impeccable timing."

"She's wonderful Kathleen…today…she and I, the time we spent together was very special."

"I can tell…and Mer…that's Mom…no hidden meanings…she meant what she said…to her, you are her new daughter…"

"She said I should call her Mom…but…I'm not ready…"

"I'm sure she understands that…and when you're ready…it will make her very happy."

"I want to…I do…just…"

"It's too soon…that's ok…God willing, as she would say…she's going to be around for a very long time."

"I hope so…Kat…I hope so…"

"No more sentimental crap, as Cristina would say," Kathleen joked, "Mer, she's something else."

"Your Mom or Cristina."

"Both…but she'd not letting Cristina get away with anything."

"She's met her match…" Meredith said.

"Yep…just not in the way you'd expect…and Mer…you and Mom…stop being so obvious."

"About what?"

"Mark and Lexie…"

"What?"

"Oh stop with the feigned innocence, both of you have been as obvious as a billboard announcement at a basketball game."

"We have not."

"So…you admit it…the two of you conspiring."

"It just happened…Kathleen…the idea…of it, and then your Mom and I…just ..we both thought along the same lines…"

"Mer…you can't interfere," Kathleen told her.

"I'm not planning on it, not even sure how I feel about, he's too old for her…but there is something…all of a sudden I saw them together…and there may be something…"

"Tell you what…let's leave it to fate…and if it's meant to be…"

"that's an excellent idea," Meredith smiled, "we'll leave to fate."

"Oh…God," Kathleen laughed, "he may not have a chance…you…Mom…and fate."

"And Lexie…don't forget Lexie…"

"We'll talk again…about this…when the four of you visit…you are still planning on coming aren't you?"

"Yes…but…think it will be just Derek and I…Mark and Lexie…well…they were joining us…because…the baby…the baby's baptism…"

Kathleen reached over and hugged her, as they were both sitting on the love seat, "you've been very brave…talking about what's happened, that's very good…it's very healing…and Meredith, your dream was truly a beautiful gift…and Brianna…one day she'll be right beside her siblings…their own angel watching over them."

"It was…beautiful…a precious gift."

"Thank you…for sharing it with us…you gave us a priceless gift today."

"I had to wait…to see you in person to tell you."

"I agree…and it was the perfect setting…the perfect time to share it with us."

"Kathleen…I'm not very open…or sentimental…but…I'm glad…very glad you're here…and I'm so glad you are my sister," she said teary eyed.

"So am I Meredith…so am I…" she said and hugged her again, "now…let's go open your bridal shower presents."

"Kat…"

"Yes…"

"You won't forget…to visit?"

"Mer…Kevin's done nothing to talk about it and my two younger ones can't wait to visit uncle Derek's trailer in the wilderness…and now you invited Mom…and we get spa days…of course I'm coming to visit…besides, I have to take another look at those plans for your house…Victorian design…he's crazy," she laughed.

"I'm so delighted that you are in my life…" Meredith smiled, and surprised Kathleen when she reached out to hug her.

"Family…family ties…and bonds."

"Family…"

"Mer.." Kathleen said as they started to walk out of the room, "I've got a feeling…"

"Now what…"

"I'm not so sure…that Mark …and Lexie are going to miss out on that trip…"

"You think…really…" she said as they exchanged their thoughts about the possibilities.

"Well, it was about time the two of you got here…Mer, it's past ten thirty…and Mama Shep thinks you need to be in bed by midnight….beauty sleep and all…"

"Cristina…are you drunk?"

"Of course not…"

"She's not drunk dear…but I think I like her this way…maybe give her a bit more…"

Lexie laughed, "Mer…take your poison," she said pointing to the selection of liquor, "tequila...vodka…wine …champagne…"

"Who…got all this?"

"Mark did, he said we should at least have liquor…since we weren't having a proper shower…"

"And you agreed…that liquor is going to make it a proper shower…"

"Of course not, most improper actually…but what the hell…we can drink…you on the other hand…have a limit two drinks…"

"Is that another tradition?" Meredith laughed.

"No…just good common sense…on the night before your wedding, and he did have the good sense to order some food to accompany it…"

"That was very nice of him…he's taking the bestman role very seriously," Lexie said.

"It is very nice, Lexie and it's very thoughtful that you'd point that out," Ailene commented and Meredith and Kathleen looked at each other and burst out laughing.

"What's so funny…" Lexie and Cristina asked.

"Meredith…Kathleen, I hope you two have not been drinking already," Ailene asked in such a serious tone it made them laugh again.

"I'd say share it with us," Ailene said and actually winked at them, "but…maybe it's best we don't know everything."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you know…I'm not so sure about that name…cause Mama Burke was a nightmare," and when she finished her statement Meredith stated at her incredulously. She had not mentioned her wedding in months, and had made very short remarks when she did.

"I already told you Cristina," she said, "that woman was the perfect characterization of the horrible mother in law, and women like her make it daman near impossible for us not to have a bad reputation…but I am not that kind of mother."

"You're right," Cristina agreed, "so it's time to drink a toast to good mother in laws," and got up to pop the bottle of champagne. "Mer you're one lucky bitch."

"Cristina…"

"What…she spent two hours drilling me on the plane, and has called me on every remark she deems inappropriate, and got me to talk about …things…she knows I use the word."

"Far too often…but the attitude…that's the worse."

"See what I mean…" Cristina drawled as she poured champagne for everyone.

"How much has she been drinking Lexie?"

"Just a couple straight vodkas, Mer…the usual."

"So, she's not drunk," Meredith stated cautiously.

"I'm not drunk…Mer…now let's drink…the first toast…to Ailene…what we should all be gifted with as mother in laws."

"Cheers," they all said.

"Thank you Cristina…I can't wait till your shower…which I expect to be invited…when…"

"Wrong person…last shower was not very good sign of success…"

"One has nothing to do with the other…" Ailene smiled.

"Before we continue the toasts…let's open the presents," Kathleen said.

'Yes…I forgot…" Meredith laughed, "you have a date before one…"

"Kathleen…it's so great…how you and Kevin still act like newlyweds…so in love…after so many years…it would be nice…to have that…find that same kind of love…but…I think you're very lucky to have each other…"

"Tell me Lexie…" Kat prompted, "what would make you fall head over heels …"

"Uhmmm…well…it hasn't really happened yet…not the hell over heels part anyway…maybe…someone mature, confident in himself…not overly cocky like Mark…or Derek sometimes…but maybe Mark's personality…not the manwhore bit…but his sense of humor…and I've found…he's got a bit of compassion in him, even if he tries to hide it…that would be a nice quality too…I don't know…it's silly, but…it's that person that makes you forget everything but sharing your day with him…and …who knows what else…"

"You're right," Kathleen smiled, "those are great qualitites…and so unlike Mark."

"When did this conversation become about manwhore?" Cristina asked.

"It hasn't," Meredith added quickly.

"Meredith…we'd have thrown a great shower if you were back home…we've had lots of experience with showers," Kathleen said, "but even if everyone can't be here…we still think you'll enjoy…your presents."

"That's for damn sure…" Cristina smirked.

"Am I missing something…" Meredith asked?

"Oh no…" Lexie said, "well yeah…you're not spending the night with Derek…but…he'll have plenty to enjoy …you both will…" she laughed, "with these presents…"

"Ah…Kat…your Mom is here…Lexie, Cristina…you're not going to embarrass me…"

"Meredith… I've seen your presents…" Ailene commented, "unless of course Cristina has something else she didn't show me…in which case," she laughed, "I want to see that gift first," she finished and all laughed.

"Since we can keep the sex talk," Kathleen said, "we can get right to the gifts, though…if you ever have any questions…feel free to ask…" she laughed.

"Yes, dear…you'd be a good source," Ailene said, and as she was sitting next to Meredith leaned over and said, "though I may be even better."

"This is highly inappropriate…you…his mother…talking about sex…"

"Just because my son has seemingly turned into a prude…"

"He is not…" Meredith defended.

"Moving right along then," he mother in law said.

"Mer, it's really not too far off with some traditions…" Kathleen told her, "though we each had a shower with friends and family, each of us…before the wedding had an evening just like this…going back to our grandmother Maloney…when she started the tradition to get to together with her daughters and make it this kind of shower…just her daughters and very few close friends."

"How many traditions do you Shepherds have?" Cristina asked.

"Stop being negative Cristina," Lexie told her, "it's my sister's shower…enjoy it…and be positive."

"Fine…Mer…here open my first," Cristina said

Meredith soon discovered the theme was lingerie …all Italian designs that she kept being teased about that Derek would love and she'd not get to wear for long, as gifts were presented not only from Cristina and Lexie but each of Derek's four sisters, which shocked her.

"This one, in particular is from Nancy," Ailene told her.

"Ailene…you are not a very good …"

"Do not even consider calling me a liar…ask Kathleen…"

"It's true Mer…she made a point of telling me what to get you…and to tell you…she hopes there's a chance for you to start over again…she's happy that Derek is happy."

She opened the gift, knowing it would not be unpleasant, especially as Kathleen had bought it, but still not too trusting, and kept thinking be careful of those bearing gifts. "This is beautiful," she said, "it's one of my favorite colors…"

"Apparently she ignored all our warnings and did contact Derek and asked him…he told her it had sentimental value for you both…"

"It does…" she smiled, as she looked at the pieces of lavender lingerie exactly the color of her sweater the night she finally gave in to him again, "they're beautiful…"

"We made sure we got her to pay for something very deliciously expensive," Kathleen laughed, "to make up for her surliness."

"That was mean…even I agreed with that," Cristina said.

"That's because you're mean and surly sometimes…while hiding what has to be a rather compassionate heart as well," Ailene said.

"See…what I mean…Mer…though I actually like her."

"Of course you like me…and maybe just maybe…I'll have you come visit us too."

"I don't do families…Ailene…really…"

"Neither did I…" Meredith laughed.

"There's two more gifts…"

"Wait…I have this for Mer…" Lexie said and handed her a small gift that looked like a book, "it' s not lingerie."

"It can't be a sex manual," Cristina pointed out.

Meredith opened it as Lexie sat next to her, and it was a beautifully hand bound small journal which she opened to reveal fine quality paper and on the cover, had these words inscribed, "One can't see well except with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eye."

"It's beautiful Lexie…" Meredith said as she traced the words, that followed, "Meredith, your heart has spoken, may your life with Derek be filled with dreams that last a lifetime, with love, Lexie."

"You…even the color…Derek's favorite," she said referring to the dark blue leather used, and was visibly touched as she looked at her sister and knew the intention of the journal, and simply reached for her hand and gently squeezed it.

"I thought…ever since you told me…" Lexie said quietly, "that maybe…you'd like…you know…not to forget…I wrote down…all you said…and about Mom…"

"It's perfect…I don't think I will ever forget…but…it's perfect…to keep a memory of that dream…forever…" Meredith said referring to the dream of Brianna, "I will treasure this always…" she said and hugged her sister, "I love you Lexie," she said, and in their embrace both fully understood theirs was a bond that would never be broken.

"This is from me," Kathleen told her.

"Why is my gift last," Ailene questioned.

"Because it was the most expensive!"

"Kathleen, I taught you better than that."

"Oh…Mom…we're family…"

"I think she should open mine first…"

"No, besides you're the oldest one here."

"Disrespectful child," she mumbled.

"I love you Mom…"

"Diversion…will get you nowhere."

"Oh…my God," Meredith laughed, "that's where Derek gets it…he does that to me…every time."

"Tells you he loves you…to change the subject," she smiled with melancholy. "Sweetheart he heard his father say that to me all the time…but he wasn't always successful…two Irish tempers and all…"

"But we sure wondered why there were so many arguments that ended with the two of you behind closed doors for hours."

"See Meredith, I didn't raise such dumb kids after all…" she laughed.

"Ok…Mer…open this…" Kathleen placed a package in front of her, which revealed matching bra and panties and garter belt the exact shade of Meredith's dress.

"It's…they're the color of my dress…"

"You're joking…" she heard the echo of four voices.

"No…I saw it, and it's Derek's favorite color…and I …that's what I'm wearing."

"Well, I do know it's his favorite color…" Kathleen said.

"It's perfect…Kathleen, I had not thought to wear matching…"

"Well now you have them," Cristina said, "and talk about the most expensive store in Venice…not that I'm complaining…I may go back myself for something…a bit more decadent before we go back."

"They are beautiful Mer…you should see the things they have…though my budget,"' Lexie laughed, "I got what was on sale…but La Perla has the most beautiful pieces."

"We all got some things on sale…their last season…but still exquisite…though how they charge so much for something that won't be on for long…once Derek…"

"Cristina…my mother in law…listening…"

"She knows you enjoy sex, Mer…she heard about the lusty intern…"

"Cristina…that was uncalled for…" Ailene reprimanded.

"I'm sorry…truly…but…ok…I must be drunk…because…you knew about that story already…I didn't make that up," she said and knew Meredith had been embarrassed.

Ailene, still sitting next to Meredith put her arms around her, "Meredith…the intimacy between you…the way you chose to express your love for each other…and lust for each other is one of the very important aspects of your relationship, sometimes …there are moments when it is the most important, don't ever make apologies for it…embrace it…enjoy it…live your life to the fullest and with that comes the pleasures of the intimacy between you."

"Ailene," she said softly, "you realize this is very embarrassing…"

"It shouldn't be…it's life…one of the pleasures life gives us to enjoy…and then you'll have all the other pieces of your life that come together…the communication, the nurturing of each other, the inevitable disagreements…the joys and oftentimes sorrows, as you already know…but love dear…that love you have for one another…that will be what binds it all together…and the happiness will far outweigh the others."

"Thank you…" Meredith said, "thank you for being here…for caring…for accepting me…"

"Thank you…for seeing me…and not the mother in law…"

"My heart only sees the mom…" she told her, and both women understood that without exactly saying it, Meredith would always think of her as Mom.

Ailene kissed her check, "now…open your last present."

Meredith saw several piece of clothing, all black, including bra, panties, garter belt and stockings and an exquisitely sheer black wrap, and she looked at her mother in law and smiled almost shyly.

"You pick and choose Meredith, not necessarily all at the same time," Ailene laughed, "but strategically selected for the most effect…"

"Mom…" Meredith said softly, almost reverently, and everyone felt the poignancy of the moment, "you realize…if Derek knows you got me this…"

"Of course dear, but you don't tell him," she laughed and hugged her again, "I like the sound of Mom…use it …often…"

"I will…just…sometimes…it will get easier, but now…that just felt right."

"Yes…it was, but don't worry…it will be easier…you'll see…"

They spent the rest of the time talking and laughing, and finished a second bottle of champagne, right before one o'clock when they decided to call it a night.

"Mer…we'll be knocking at your door at eight …that should give us plenty of time to get to the wedding on time…you get a good night's sleep," Kathleen told her as they collected all her things and Cristina and Lexie offered to help her pack so Derek wouldn't see any of it.

"I'm going to get my things," Ailene said, "so Derek can stay in my room," she said and winked at Meredith, "you get your things ready…and don't worry about anything, tomorrow is going to be an absolutely perfect day."

"I'll see you in the morning," Kathleen said.

"Have fun Kathleen," Meredith teased.

"I plan on it…you, get a good night's sleep."

"She will dear," Ailene told her, "I'll make sure of that, and you try to get some sleep as well."

Cristina and Lexie helped Meredith get everything packed, an easy and light camaraderie making the time fly by, while she left only what she needed for the wedding ceremony and what she would change into before she and Derek left on the rest of their trip. Derek had apparently been there already and done the same.

"Mer is not fair…we've been helping you pack and we don't get to see your dress…" Cristina actually whined.

"You can wait…just till tomorrow…you're going to be here in the morning…right…both of you, before we leave…" she asked and both sensed as well as saw her nervousness as she fidgeted with the strap of her watch.

"We will be here…" Cristina said, "get a good night's sleep, Ailine should be here shortly to keep guard," she said and laughed.

"Yeah…she's been wonderful."

"She's keeping guard…" Cristina said, "and you think it's wonderful?"

"It's what moms do…I think…" Meredith said with a hint of melancholy, before saying goodnight to them.

Derek was in his Mom's room when he heard a light knock on the door, "Mom…I thought you were staying with Meredith."

"I wanted to make sure you made it back safely from a night of debauchery with Mark."

"Mom…"

"Honey…I know you…you're nervous…I can see it, and you are not going to do anything to jeopardize her wedding day."

"I love her Mom…she's been through much…"

"I know…and not now…no more emotions today…but when I visit…and I am coming to see you, we'll talk…you can tell me more of what that phone call was about the other night."

"We will Mom…we'll talk…but I won't betray her confidences."

"I would not ask you to. She's wonderful Derek…the two of you belong together, I have no doubts at all."

"Now," she said as she hugged him tightly, "go to her…she needs you."

"What…what are you talking about?"

"Just what I said…you go to her…tonight…you need each other."

"Mom," he said a bit in shock, "she'll kill me…she said no jinxing traditions."

"Derek, do you remember how I've told you my father used to talk about his great grandmother...Ailine…my namesake? Well, his mother used to tell the story that her sisters refused to let her see her husband, and he kept insisting…it wasn't bad luck…just to steal a kiss…and to the rescue came her grandmother, Ailene, and told her sisters to stop the nonsense…it was not bad luck…that she had seen her husband the night of her wedding…spent the night with him in fact…"

"Mom… you're making this up…"

"I am not…would I steer you down the wrong path?"

"Uhmmm."

"I'm going to ignore you…and finish the story…so, she told her she should actually see him…that she had spent the night with her husband, and they'd spent sixty years together, and if that wasn't good luck she didn't know what was…"

"You made that up…grandpa's…great grandmother would not have slept with her husband before the wedding…"

"She did fail to mention they'd had been married already months before…but the Church wedding with family gathering from all over Ireland was the following day."

"That is not the same…"

"Derek…do you want to be with Meredith or not?"

"I am not having this conversation with my mother…"

"I don't mean you should be intimate dear…I'd hope you can hold out one more night."

"Oh God…"

"Derek…my parents…spent fifty three year together…and they saw each other the day of their wedding…and your father knew all these stories…he had a wonderful relationship with Dad…I think that's where he picked up his storytelling. He wanted to see me so badly…after midnight…he asked me just one kiss Irish…just one kiss…and I refused, because it was bad luck…"

"Mom…" Derek said gently.

"Maybe I should have…Derek…I had him for such a little amount of time…maybe I should have…and maybe…he'd be here with me now…" she said as a lone tear escaped, and he reached out to touch her face.

"Mom…he'll be here…with us…tomorrow."

"I believe he will," she said, allowing the comfort of her son's embrace.

"Go to her Derek…she needs you…you need each other tonight. Go to her…and I promise that your Dad …her Mom…your Brianna…and my Dad… will make sure to look out for you…always…and you will have that lifetime together."

"I love you Mom," he said with deep emotion, "thank you…for being here…"

"I love you too Derek, and I wish for you and Meredith…all I would have wanted for your Dad and I…and…I know…deep in my heart, you will have it."

"Mom…Meredith and I …one day…when we have a family…I want you there…I want you there to tell these stories…"

"I'm planning on it…don't you worry…I'm planning on it."

"Good night Mom."

"Good night dear," she said and got up to walk with him to the door, and hugged him than kissed his cheek. "She may be out like a light already…don't wake her…but she'll know you're there…and when she awakens you can tell her your grandparents' story, and that's a wonderful love story Derek, to start out your new life together…with well proven traditions."


	146. Chapter 146

**Ch 140 - Last night together **

Derek quietly turned the key to their room and walked in to the sound of Meredith's familiar snoring, and smiled at the knowledge this was their last night together before she became his wife.

He had been laying in bed when he'd been surprised by a light knock, and then shocked to find his mother telling him to go spend the night with Meredith, that they'd all had at least three glasses of champagne, and she'd likely already fallen asleep. He still could not get over her story about it being Maloney tradition and good luck, and he didn't care. He only hoped Meredith was not going to kill him. She'd been adamant about them not breaking any wedding traditions that would presumably bring bad luck, but they'd never thought about not spending this night together, not until his mother arrived.

He slipped into bed beside her, gently bringing her close to him and she settled into the comfort of his embrace, instinctively reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers, a small sigh and contented moan her response when he pressed his lips ever so lightly to the back of her neck.

He lay quietly, making sure not to disturb her, his other hand, resting ever so tender on her temple, a gentle caress followed as often as he could without waking her. His thoughts drifted to the last several weeks, finally settling on their journey since they'd left Seattle. The reflection of the waxing Gibbous moon illuminated the room, filtered by the gauzy curtains covering the antique doors leading to the balcony, allowing him to clearly see the bags that had been packed and left to the side next to his. He smiled and thought, surely that had not been Meredith, but likely a group effort much like packing in Seattle.

He was tired. He'd had a good night's sleep the night before, but he was emotionally drained, and knew it was the same for Meredith, much worse in fact as she was dealing with hormones still out of range. The last month had taken its toll, on them both, and now as much as he knew they were getting married tomorrow, doubts and fears intrusively appeared, as he let out a sigh and his body shivered involuntarily.

She shifted her weight slightly, cuddling closer to him and he softly caressed the length of her body, "uhmmm…" she murmured.

"I love you Meredith," he whispered against her ear, kissing the back of her neck.

"Uhmmm…" she whispered back, before suddenly coming awake, "Derek…"

"Uh huh…"

"You're here…"

"Yes," he smiled, "I'm here,"

"Tired…" she mumbled groggily.

"Just sleep…Mer…just sleep…"

"I love you too…" she said, enjoying his comforting embrace.

"Good night love," he said, just as she sighed deeply, a sign of soft snores about to begin, before they got loud enough to need the ear plugs, but tonight, he wanted to listen to her every breath and snore.

The night was cold, dipping into the thirties in fact when he felt the coolness in the room against the warm heat of their bodies, and drew the down comforter closer around her, as he allowed his mind to drift again.

He closed his eyes as he took a deep breath, partially succumbing to sleep, but finding himself immersed in thoughts of his father, and some sadness filled his heart. Hey Dad, he thought, Mom's here…but I think you already know that, and that she's accepted Meredith. She sent me here to be with her tonight, even if I'm not quite sure that whole story was true, but she was right as always, he spoke silently and couldn't help but smile, and she doesn't let us forget it. I'm getting married tomorrow…and, this week…since I last talked to you…we've talked, Meredith and I…about everything and we're going to be fine…I wish you were here…I wish I'd never lost you…and I'm sorry for having disappointed you…but I'm going to make it up to her, Dad…and from now on be an honorable man, as you'd expect…and Mom. She still wears the bracelet you know, the one I'd hound you with questions about…and she was wearing today, and it brought back so many memories…she brought it up…she hasn't forgotten about you,Dad…not a single day…and today…she shared you with Meredith and that is the best gift…the best wedding present from her…and you, because she still thinks of the two of you together…and she's convinced, you're going to be here tomorrow by her side. I hope so Dad…I really hope so…she doesn't know and neither does Meredith, but the other day…even before Mom got here … I remembered the bracelet, and I bought one for Mer, with our own charms…and I hope she'll like it…and that it will be something sentimental just as it is for Mom, and that our kids will ask about.

Derek's eyes began to droop, and he felt himself doze off in that moment right

before we realize we'd fallen asleep and are rudely awakened, and then continued his conversation, Dad we told Mom and Kathleen about Meredith's dream, and that was very emotional and healing for all of us. I love you Dad, he said and felt tears burning at the back of his eyes, you were the best father anyone could ever want…I hope…one day…I can be even a tenth of how great you were…and now…Dad…I believe just like Meredith does, that you're looking after our baby girl…please…don't ever leave her…Briana, I'm trusting you, because…Ellis I can't trust her, not after all Meredith has shared with me, be there for my little girl, please don't ever let her doubt how much she's loved…he finished the thought as he succumbed to sleep, certain he'd heard a familiar giggle, and the whispers of an angels voice, I love you lots…daddy…

Meredith stirred in his arms, making him slightly alert as she unexpectedly whispered,

"I love you lots too…"

Derek felt the tears escape, and he embraced Meredith closer to him, certain his father had heard him, and their baby girl knew without a shadow of a doubt that she was loved, and sent a silent prayer of thanks and then, "we love you baby bear…mommy and daddy love you lots and lots."

The frigid temperatures of the night began to rise, almost as soon as the reflection of the sun's rays were visible in the horizon, similarly capturing the reflection of the warmth harbored in the hearts of a newly found family, a non traditional family most still in slumber, but filled with hope for a new beginning where dreams would be fulfilled. The gentle swaying of the gondolas covered with their blue tarps and held in place at their familiar wooden posts spoke of age old traditions, and the glitters or rays the promise of new ones about to embark on the journey of a lifetime, and on the brink of becoming legendary tales of lovers fated to be together.

Derek woke again as the rays of sun brought their warming presence to the room, the light much like the moon's the night before, filtered by the gauzy curtains that remained uncovered by the heavier brocade of the draperies in the room. Today was his wedding day, the most important day of his life, because this…these feelings, these emotions threatened to overwhelm him, his heart filled with love and pride for the woman at his side, something he had never felt before, yet his doubts and fears plagued him and he prayed he would not fail again.

"Uhmmm…" he heard her murmur as she slowly began to stretch her body before nestling in his embrace once again, "what time's … don't want to go to work…"

"Uhmmm…" he whispered, "so Mom was right…you got her drunk…"

She was quiet for a few seconds before reacting, "what…your mother drunk…" she said as she became alert, and then, "Derek, you're here," she said incredulously, "you can't be here…" she continued as she tried to break away from his embrace.

"Why not?" he asked, holding her closer

"It's bad luck…you can't be here," she said becoming agitated, "Derek…you can't be here, we can't do anything…please… we've had enough…not…we can't start our life…"

He held her even closer, "there is no such thing as bad luck for us…ever again," and turned her softly to face him.

"Derek…I can't…I can't deal with …" she paused as she lowered her gaze.

"Can't deal with what…Meredith," he asked as he placed his thumb and forefinger on her chin and lifted it gently, regretting that the tone he used was transmitting his fears.

"Derek," she said looking at him intently, correctly interpreting his mood, "are…are you…have you changed you mind," she said, unable to conceal the catch in her voice.

"Of course not," he answered immediately to reassure her, as he caressed her face.

"You're sad…I can see it in your eyes," she told him, "you're sad…Derek…and…it's our wedding day…it's morning …it's our wedding day," she said and tears sprung in her eyes, "and you're sad…that's…not good..."

"I'm sad…" he admitted, "I am…"

"Oh…oh…God…you're taking it back…no," she corrected herself, "no…you're not…you're not…it's something else…you love me…I know you do…it's something else, Derek…what's wrong, because I know you love me."

"I love you…Meredith, I adore you…there are no doubts in my mind…none…that I want to marry you…but…"

"Derek…" she said, "no buts…we promised…"

He did not look at her when he responded, "I'm afraid…"

"Afraid…" she said, softening immediately and forcing him to look at her by lifting his chin as he had done earlier, "why?"

"That," he paused, and continued quietly, "I won't be enough…that I'll fail you again."

"You're not going to fail me," she assured him, caressing his face as their eyes locked, "and I'm afraid too…but, we promised to be there for each other, not to let the other pull back…that we'd take our steps together…and when one would falter…the other one is there…so I'm here…if you're faltering…but…your doubts mean you want to wait," she said and she felt her heart breaking as she continued, "if you…want…if you think we should wait…I'll wait…we can wait…we don't have to do this now."

"I don't want to wait…I love you and I want to be with you…I don't want to be apart from you another day…another night…I just want to make sure I can be enough, enough for you…to be happy…"

"Derek…there's lots of things…probably tons of things I need to deal with…but, being with you…being married to you…starting our life together here, today…I want that more than anything because I don't want to face things alone anymore…I want to be with you when I wake up, when I go to sleep…but…"

"But…we agreed to get rid of…"

"I'll wait…if you need more time," she said and hoped it would not be his answer.

"I don't need more time…I don't want to be apart from you either…ever again…"

"Then…why….what brought this on…"

"I…was thinking…and talking to my Dad…"

"That made you sad…and afraid," she said softly.

"I was telling him how I felt, about you…" he answered honestly.

"And…being with me, what you feel for me…makes you feel that way?"

"Being with you makes my life complete…don't ever doubt that…I was just telling him how I wanted to be good enough for you," he said and shared some of his thoughts with her, "how I still miss him...my hopes."

"You are going to be a wonderful father, and you'll have all those memories of him to share with our kids one day…and they will love the stories you tell them…just like you did…and I'll have my chatty husband and babies…just like your Mom said today…" she smiled and leaned into kiss him softly, "you'll be like one of the kids…changing the stories…and I'll have to learn each one and make sure to keep the stories straight…" she paused, and suddenly becoming very emotional she started to cry.

"Meredith," he said alarmed, "Mer…what's wrong…please…talk to me…" he soothed her stroking her back.

"You heard her…didn't you…earlier…you heard her too…it wasn't you…or my imagination."

"Yes…yes I did…" he said and gathered her close and whispered, and told her how he'd asked his Dad to watch over her and when he'd heard an angel's words.

"Derek…"

"Yes love," he said gently.

"We got a beautiful wedding gift…"

"Brianna's words," he whispered, immediately understanding her meaning, "the most beautiful wedding gift."

"It was…she knows we love her Derek…and …"

"Shush…" he murmured against her lips, "she knows…we'd have given anything if she were still with us…Meredith…she knows," he assured her and kissed her lips softly.

"She knows…" Meredith agreed, "we'll always love her," and deepened their kiss.

"I'm sorry…Meredith, for making you cry…" he said gently stroking her hair.

"They're not unhappy tears…and we talked Derek…we're not turning away…we're talking and being there for each other…that's what's important…so much progress," he smiled.

"Meredith…when we get back…when we go home…we have to remember that…and make sure we don't go back to the old ways…when we get busy and things get hectic…and therapy….we need to remember this…"

"We will…we've promised Derek…and we need to hold each other to this…"

"We will…" he said holding her closer, "we don't have to be up for a couple of hours…get some more sleep."

"You want to sleep…" she teased him.

"You've got a long night ahead of you," he said nuzzling her neck, biting it softly.

"Promises…promises…" she giggled.

"Don't tempt me…"

"Tempt you…" she continued to tease as she pressed herself further against him, "didn't think I could do that…anymore…you did turn me away…turn me down…from doing your favorite things…"

"Meredith…you are playing with fire…" he said pressing even closer to her, his erection leaving no doubts to his desire, "and as much as I want you…" he said as he quickly turned her to face him, " we've waited this long…I'm not going to settle for a quick…"

"You like quick…" she said, her hand reaching for him.

"I love quick," he said grabbing her hand, "but…you deserve better than quick…today's our wedding…I can wait…a few more hours…"

"I may not want to wait," she said leaning in to kiss him deeply, making them both moan with desire and in frustration.

"I told you…" he laughed, "just when you'd want quick…"

"You…are not…going to hold out on me…just because…"

"No," he laughed against her lips, "I'm not…but…Mer…when we make love, again…I don't want to have to stop…I want to have you in my arms…for hours…bury myself deep inside of you…and then start all over again…and…enjoy…all our favorite things…"

"Teasing is not nice Derek…" she insisted, and continued to press kisses along his earlobe, and further down his neck her hands beginning to explore all the areas she knows so well.

"Teasing is not nice…Meredith" he laughed again, biting her earlobe, "especially when we know damn well, we're going to be interrupted…"

"Nobody's…" she said, just as the phone rang.

"You were saying…" he smirked as he picked up the phone.

"Derek…what are you doing answering the phone?" the woman's voice reprimanded.

"It's six in the morning, and the phone rang, what the hell else would I be doing?"

"You're not supposed to be there, Mom is…"

"Mom's in her room, and if you thought she was here, why are you calling at six in the morning?"

"Because I needed to talk to her, and she's always up by this time, and Kat told me last night I would find her in Meredith's room."

"And you think six in the morning is a good time to be calling to wake up Meredith on her wedding day," he said annoyed.

"Who is it," Meredith asked.

"Derek, did I just hear Meredith?"

"What do you want?"

"Let me talk to her…"

"Nancy, are you out of your mind?"

"Please. I didn't think you'd be there, I thought it was going to be Mom, and I wanted her to tell Meredith, I really do wish you both the best…I want you to be happy Derek…I do…that's all I wanted…to make sure you were ok, that's why I came out to see you…"

"And we know how well that turned out…"

"Derek…you're my baby brother…I love you, and I want you to be happy, and if you let me talk to Meredith I want to apologize…I do…I'll make it up to her…"

"Why? Mom and Kathleen threaten…"

"Because, it's your fault I reacted like I did…"

"How the hell is it my fault you were a bitch?"

"Derek…" Meredith spoke up, "stop it…"

"What?" he turned to Meredith.

"I don't want any animosity…not today, please."

"Nancy, Mom's in her room, but I'd let her sleep a little longer, she's had a long day and jet lag does not help."

"Derek, she's already up…she just left me a message to call her."

"Fine, call her," he said curtly, and Meredith who'd heard the entire side of both conversations grabbed the phone away from him.

"Nancy…" she said hesitantly, "it's Meredith."

"Oh…" the woman said at the other end of the line, "Meredith…"

"Thank you, for the gift, it was beautiful."

"He said it was your favorite color…"

"It's his I think," she smiled and rested her head on his chest, knowing he'd hear the conversation, "and if not, it will be after the next few days …"

Nancy laughed, a hint of nervousness in her voice, "Meredith…I'm sorry…about our first meeting…I shouldn't have jumped to conclusions…I should have known the facts first, but my brother is… he's just stupid…and brainless…and it's his fault, even if I know I was a bitch…I can be…but, I was there…I love him Meredith, I only wanted to make sure he was going to be ok, he'd missed Thanksgiving and Christmas…and I just needed…"

"Nancy…it's our wedding day…after all we've been through…we're getting married today…and I can put all of that behind us…today…we're starting our life together…and I want to put all of the past behind us…"

"I'm not so bad," she heard Nancy's sniffle, "I mean…I can be….very bad…but…only when I'm fighting…for those I love…and I love him…and I wanted to make sure he was ok."

"I love him too…and I want that for him too…"

"So…you'll give me a chance…a chance to try…to be a good sister in law…not just mchottie and mcbitchy…"

"Ah…you know about that…Kathleen…"

"Kathleen could not wait to tell me about mcbitchy…the mchottie…that slipped, she wouldn't have told me, knew it would be a compliment," she said laughing.

"I guess it would be," Meredith giggled, "I have to agree…"

"Meredith, I'm sure Derek has been listening, pouting just a bit and ready to pounce and punch me if I say anything wrong…I really would like to talk to him…but if he won't, give him my love…and my very best wishes, that you have a wonderful wedding…and I hope to see you both…soon."

"He's here…and you're right…he's pouting…" she smiled, as he motioned for her not to say that, "and trying to keep me from talking…" she said and kissed him softly, "and he's going to talk to you…but first…can I ask you a favor, about…for your Mom."

Meredith's face continued to rest on his chest while he spoke to Nancy, and wounds continued to heal as family ties were strengthened once again. Her hands continued to caress him as he spoke to his sister and every few seconds would feel his lips on her, the top of her head, her forehead, his hands stroking her always, softly and lovingly.

"That was surreal," he said when he placed the phone on its cradle, "you talking to Nancy…asking her for a favor…her telling us not to tell Jenna and spare her the crying because she didn't get to talk to us."

"I'd say," she giggled, "but more so was finding you in my bed…Shepherd, what the hell are you doing in my bed?"

"I thought it was our bed…"

"Semantics Derek…we are not supposed to be sleeping together the night before our wedding," she told him as she jabbed him softly with her finger.

"Mom told me to, you got her drunk, and that's what you get…" he smiled.

"I did not get her drunk, I had nothing to do with it…Mark provided the liquor, and I only had champagne…"

"She said something about three glasses of champagne and you should be sleeping when I got here, and …"

"I don't believe you, she was adamant about traditions…and you screwed up…and you're going to make damn sure this is not bad luck Derek…I'm going to make you pay for this…"

"Mer…we were going to spend the night together till she got here and messed up our plans…"

"That is so mean…Derek…she's traveled all the way here…at the drop of a hat and you're saying she messed up our plan," she argued, "so much for all that crap about you could wait one more day…and all that mattered was that I was ok…and your mother, who is not thirty any more Derek…travels all the way here…and spends all day being dragged everywhere and hasn't had any rest, and you're criticizing her…and making fun of her traditions…that is not nice, and you should be more sensitive," she said, and he saw the glimmer in her eyes, and kissed her silent.

"Remind me," he said, before capturing her lips again, "never to allow you near the rest of my sisters, I will be doomed for life."

"You ass…"

"But you love me…"

"I adore you," she said upon his lips, and deepened the kiss and enjoying every stroke of his tongue, repeated, "I adore you Derek…"

"Now…do you want to hear the story?" he teased her, kissing his way from her mouth near to her breast, "and how she told me she was certain I could hold out one more night."

"Oh my God, how embarrassing…she thinks…she'll think we've…"

"She won't…she'll think that telling me that was enough…for me to hold out…" he said as his mouth descended lower.

"Not if you keep traveling in this direction," she laughed, "there's only so much teasing I'm going to put up with lover boy…"

"Oh yeah…"

"Derek…" she said seductively, "we don't have to wait…"

"After waiting almost a month…I am not going for a quickie…as much…as that is always…" he was cut off by her lips.

"Yes…" she taunted.

"I think…" he said, "I'll tell you why she wanted me to join you…" and by the time he finished, had Meredith's tears falling softly on his chest, effectively assuring they would indeed be waiting for the taming of the beasts until the evening.

"That was beautiful…oh Derek…she would have gone to your Dad…I wish she could have had that lifetime…that her Irish was still with her…"

"In many ways…Meredith…he still is, in her heart every day," he said deeply moved by her reaction, "and what they had…is so much more than many people every experience."

"You better promise me Derek…" she said with unshed tears in her eyes, "promise me…nothing…nothing is going to take you away from me…"

"You need to promise me too…" he said as he leaned in to kiss her softly, "our lifetime together…and we know…we'll have at least forty years when we come back for our gondola ride next year."

"You're serious…about that…" she asked him unable to hide her smile.

"We'll leap through every hoop….every bit of good luck and tradition…to get me to one hundred a ten…with you in my arms," he chuckled.

"Don't make fun…of traditions," she said softly.

"Uhmmm… who'd have guessed I'd have a sentimental romantic on my hands…"

"Don't forget it…you bring out that side of me…"

"I won't…and you bring out that side of me too…I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek, for always."

"For always…love," he said snuggling close to her.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…."

"Are you nervous?"

"Are you?"

"I asked you first."

"I feel like a teenager…nervous as hell…about the first kiss…"

"You do not…" she giggled.

"How about, nervous as hell that I'm going to screw this up somehow."

"You won't…everything is going to be perfect…perfect for us…even if there's glitches along the way."

"You're expecting glitches?" he asked.

"No…but just in case…if there are…they're still perfect…we'll be perfect."

"Where did you come from? Ms. Bright and shiny?"

"You…you bring that out in me…that hope…those dreams…"

"You bring them out in me too Meredith…and it will be a perfect day today."

"Do you have our rings," she asked.

"I do…"

"Don't look at mine…yours I mean the inscription, till afterwards…till we're married."

"We can wait…"

"Derek…"

"We're not going to sleep for another hour…are we?"

"Do you want to?"

"I want what you want," he said and kissed her softly.

"Thank you…for bringing everyone here…your Mom…Derek…she's so special…she's made me feel special…that I'm good enough for you."

"You are the only one for me…she knows that…she can see it…"

"You're the only one for me too…"

"I think she sees that too…"

"I'm thinking…"

"Why does that not surprise me…" he joked.

"I'm thinking that before we leave…during the reception, you should call your sisters…and we can call back home…"

"We can do that…maybe we'll send them some of the photos and then call them."

"I'd like that…to share our day…with the rest of …our family."

"I had a lovely shower Derek," she said and he heard the soft melancholy tone.

"What did you get?"

"You'll see later…"

"Nancy said something about lavender…"

"Uh huh…"

"I take it it won't stay on very long…"

"We'll see…won't we…"

"I can take things…very very slow Meredith…" he told her, kissing her until they both needed to breathe.

"Shepherd…don't you dare…there will be nothing slow about tonight…"

"Uhmmm..." he whispered against her mouth.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Surprise me…" she moaned, "the first night …of the rest of our lives…"

"The first night…of thousands…"

"Promise…" she said as she locked gazes with him.

"Promise…" he said as his eyes softly perused her before his mouth captured hers.

"Derek…"

"Did I hear you say something about chatty husband…" he laughed.

"That's what your Mom said…" she giggled.

"I think she may have been talking about you," he laughed again.

"Lexie gave me a journal."

"Really…"

"She wrote something beautiful…and sentimental…" she said.

"Uhmmm…"

"You can read it…I want you to read it…"

"Now?"

"Yes…it's on the night stand."

"Meredith," he said when he turned to pick up the diary, "there's a small box…with a note and my name on it."

"Oh…no…you're not supposed to open that…not yet…"

"Ok," he said and opened the leather bound journal and read Lexie's words, "it's beautiful Meredith."

"She said she thought of me, of us…that I'd want to record…my dream…to remember it always…as though I could ever forget."

"That was a lovely idea…do you want to do that?"

"I will…I won't forget…I remember every detail…but I …she's right…I don't ever want to forget…and I want you…if you ever want, to read it…and bring that to life again."

"I would like that…I would like that very much."

"We are really mushy and sentimental…aren't we…" she said sniffling.

"There's nothing wrong with that…nothing at all."

"I don't mind being mushy and sentimental…with you…" she said and cuddled up to him.

"Meredith…do you mind…I mean…I…would it be ok, if I write something…today…on our wedding day…"

"In the journal?" she asked surprised.

"Yes."

"No…of course I don't mind…it's our dream Derek…that dream…was ours…and Lexie, she even picked…your favorite color…I want to share it with you."

"I love you…" he said and held her close to him.

"I love you too…" she said smiling, "I love you lots and lots Derek…" she whispered, and both gave in to an hour's worth of sleep.

She felt his lips on hers, "good morning love."

"Uhmmm…" she smiled, "my kissing alarm clock."

"For now…" he teased, "just wait till tomorrow morning…"

"Happy wedding day…Derek," she smiled upon his lips.

"I figured I'd skip out of here, before the herd flocks in…"

"The herd and the flock," she giggled, "the zoo continues."

"We'll never hear the end of it…if they find me here…"

"You're right," she laughed, "you're wide awake…how long have you been up?"

"Seriously?" he said lifting his brow.

"I see you've been in the shower already," she giggled.

"You are a cruel woman…"

"I told you…we did not have to wait…"

"I'm leaving now…"

"Coward…no self control…"

"Uhmmm…Mer…."

"Uh huh…"

"Remember that…" he smiled as his mouth came down on hers, "remember that…"

"Derek…" she said suddenly, her voice warming him, "I'm scared as hell…"

"We talked about this…Meredith…it's going to be fine…"

"No…not us…we're fine…but today…and everyone's here…and we're going to be married, and my dress…I hope you like it…I picked it for you…and it's not white…but, now, I think…maybe something else…"

"Meredith," he said and silenced her with his lips, "I'm going to love…whatever…you chose…it's you that matters…you…standing next to me…saying our vows…"

"Ok…" she said, "I can do this…and their teasing…and Mark…and all of it…I can do this…"

"Yes…you can…" he assured her, "I wrote something…in your journal…read it, before our wedding, but…just for us…you may want to put it away."

"You did…can I read it now…"

"Well…"

"You don't want me too?"

"It's sort of sentimental…"

"Then…let me read it with you here…" she said, and pulled on his hand to join her in bed as she reached for the journal and read.

Once upon a time …on a storm filled night in Seattle, God smiled upon us and sent a priceless gift, an angel name Brianna. We love you lots baby bear, you will live in our hearts forever…our souls and yours entwined beyond goodbye… and then he smiled again, and on a beautiful morning in Venice…our hearts and souls were joined as one.

I will love you Meredith, for always, Derek.

Her hand trembled gently as her eyes filled with tears and a small sob escaped her right before she was held tightly in his arms, "I love you…Derek…I love you so much," she said as they held each other close and whispered promises of love forever.

Rev 11/2


	147. Chapter 147

**Ch 141 - Lifetime memories **

"Derek, do you remember," she said, as they lay facing each other, her fingers feeling the stubble on his face, "my dream…"

"Of course I do…"

"She was like us…"

"How…how was she like us?"

"She rambled…like me…" she smiled softly, immersing herself in his gaze, "and she kept chattering," she said placing her fingers lightly, softly over his lips, gently caressing them, "just like her grandma said her daddy did…telling stories…"

He rested his forehead against hers, while she continued to reminisce, but the images of her dream would not be silenced.

"What are you thinking," he said quietly and kissing the top of her head.

"Just…remembering…"

"Share it with me…"

"Do you think it's normal, that I'm thinking so much about it…my dream…about her…it wasn't that long ago…but I know…I know it's just a dream…"

"It was more than a dream," he whispered, "it was a gift…a bond to our little girl forever…and a glimpse of our future…our dreams…"

"It was a beautiful dream…and what you wrote, today," she said, lifting her head from his chest and looking up to him, "it's beautiful Derek… beautiful thoughts as we begin our life together."

"The voice of my heart…just as I promised…"

"My card…when you read it…Derek, it's the voice of my heart too…" she spoke against his lips, "and my soul…" and words were no longer necessary as their lips touched and their hearts beat just a bit faster as their souls rejoiced in anticipation of the story and traditions yet to unfold and repeated for generations.

"I wish…" he said, his words broken by the necessary breaths of air, "we had hours…for me to show you…now…how very much I love you…"

"We'll have that tonight," she smiled, and teased him, "unless you fall asleep on me…again…"

"I think we're even…you fell asleep last night…"

"I did not…" she giggled.

"Uhmmm…you did… drunk on champagne…"

"Drunk on thoughts of you…"

"Mer…" he grinned.

"Do not ever tell anyone I said that," she giggled and kissed him, "that was incredibly sappy…"

"That was beautiful and sentimental ... my sappy bride…"

"Derek…"

"I love you…"

"I love you too," she laughed, "and …"

"And…" he interrupted her with a kiss.

"We have a lot of making up to do… lots of payback…Derek…"

"Uhmmm…" he said and kissed her again, "we have a lifetime…"

"A lifetime…" she said, and suddenly tears sprung in her eyes, "the rest of our lives," she added as melancholy was laced in her tone.

"Meredith…"

"I love you," she said softly.

"Tell me what you're thinking…what's just made you sad."

"She looked so much like me…like that photograph of me with them…the light hair curls …and your eyes…" she paused, looking away, "you said you were afraid…about being enough for me… you are…you will always be enough, but Derek," she said, and now he could hear a trace of fear in her voice that he had not heard before, "do you think…do you wonder if maybe…I'll be like my mom?"

"You're nothing like her… you are kind, caring, compassionate and full of love to give…loyal and forgiving…"

"I don't mean that…I mean…" she stopped, before continuing and again he heard the fear, "that she got sick…that…maybe…it could happen to me…and if it does…and I can't remember…all of this…if I can't remember," she said and he began to feel her panic, but held her gaze and let her finish as he held both her hands in his, "Derek…if you are…if you want to rethink this…and wait…because…I may end up like my mother too…" she finished as she lowered her gaze and tears rolled down her face, "if I can't remember today…our wedding day…this…"

"Then," he said gently and kissed her tears away, while he felt his heart aching for her fears, "I'll remember for us both…and remind you over and over again, but I would never give up a single moment with you…even if I knew…that could happen one day, what we've shared, what we have yet to share…those dreams that I know deep in my heart will come true…our happiness our arguments…our life together…those will be treasured memories…that will live in our hearts forever…and I know will be engraved in our souls …for always…Meredith…" he said and without breaking away from her gaze, placed his lips on hers and before deepening their kiss, "even if I knew right this moment that would happen, I would not give up a single second of being with you…"

"You…you wouldn't…" she asked, tears still gathering, "even if you knew…"

"Even if I knew…" he said and kissed her softly.

"Derek…" she said softly, overcome with emotion, "you …are… my everything…"

"As you are mine…for always…"

"I love you…I do…and it seems those words are not enough…to say what I feel…in my heart…"

"I can see it in your eyes…that's all I need…" he told her as they reached out and embraced each other.

"I don't want to end up like my mother…" she admitted her fears again.

"Meredith, you're not…you are not going to end up like your mother."

"You don't know that…"

"I do…in my heart, I know that…but, why haven't you said something…talked to me about this before…I could have…"

"I had never made the decision to spend the rest of my life with you…and the thought of having that taken away…"

"Meredith, I never thought about it, but when we did her clinical trial, there was no indication that you'd have to be concerned…the tests…I have those results, we can look at it when we get home, if you want…but, love…it doesn't matter…even if …"

"Derek…you never told me that…"

"I didn't think about it…there was nothing there to indicate any concerns, and I didn't know you had been thinking about this. But we can look at it, if you want…further tests…we can talk about it, but Meredith…either of us…there's more chance we'd be in an accident, or any other disease…or die of old age…than for you …"

"Derek…if those tests showed that I could be like her…would you want to reconsider?"

"There is nothing…nothing that would make me reconsider marrying you today and spending my life with you…building a life with you…Meredith, nothing, would make me give up being with you…would it change your mind…if it was about me…if you knew I would not be there…or that I wouldn't remember twenty years from now?"

"No," she said, and leaned in to kiss him, "nothing would make me change my mind."

"Then…let's forget about this…"

"Derek…can we look at those tests results, when we get back…one day…not right away."

"We can," he assured her, "but it's fine…just trust my instinct."

"I do…I'm trusting you…little steps…became big steps Derek…those one hundred steps," she smiled.

"You mean…you're not going to hold me to the rest of those steps," he teased.

"Oh…I am…the fun…and sexy steps…" she teased him back, "but now…each of those steps…we'll be taking them together…and no pulling back…"

"Together…and not pulling back…or avoiding things…" he said.

"Together…"

"So…Dr. Grey…are you ready to enjoy our wedding day," he smiled, and again kissed her softly, then nibbled at her lips, and trailed kisses down her neck.

"Our wedding day," she repeated in awe, "our…wedding day…"

"Our life's been full of surprises lately…who would have guessed when we left Seattle…"

"Wonderful surprises…" she agreed, "we're going to be married…today…in Venice."

"Are you happy?" he asked as he caressed her face, smiling at her, cocking his head in the way that made her lose sight of all else but him.

"I'm very happy…" she smiled, "I have never been happier…"

"Well…that's kind of an ego buster," he pouted, "never…"

"Ah…Dr. Shepherd, are we feeling just a bit …insecure," she giggled and whispered in his ear making him laugh.

"Dr. Grey," he continued laughing, "you are very very naughty…"

"We don't have to…you know, " she giggled, and teased him as he'd done earlier, trailing kisses from his lips along he jaw line and on his neck to find one of his favorite spots, " we can just…"

"Mer…remember the caged beast…" he laughed.

"Uh huh…" she said trying to suppress her laughter.

"He's about to…" he told her with a hint of a dare and mischief.

"Derek…" she giggled, "we better …" she said as he captured her lips and forgot all she was about to say.

"We better…what…" he teased her a few minutes later.

"Stop…" she giggled, "or postpone the wedding..."

"I knew you'd try to get out of it…" he laughed, "promising all these…"

"I thought you meant the wedding, " she laughed along with him, "because…the rest…Derek…there's no way in hell I'm letting you out of it…the unleashing of the beasts…not a chance in hell…we're postponing that…"

"Not a chance in hell …I like how you think Dr. Grey…"

"Uhmmm…"

"What…"

"You don't want me to be Dr. Shepherd?"

"What…"

"When we get married…you don't want me to be Dr. Shepherd?"

"I haven't thought about it," he said sobering just a little, "what do you want?"

"I know I want to be Mrs. Shepherd…everyone to know I'm your wife."

"Meredith, isn't that the same thing?"

"Not really…I mean…everyone knows me as Dr. Grey…but, does it bother you, would it bother you …if…"

"I want whatever makes you happy…and if you want to be Dr. Grey…I'm ok with that…as long as you're my wife…that's all that matters."

"Derek…I don't want there to be any doubts that you're my husband…that we're together, for good…so if you want…"

"Hey…why don't we see how you feel…after a while…"

"You're sure?"

"I'm sure…" he told her and kissed her.

"You still have to wear your wedding ring, Derek…and we're going to tell everyone we're married…as soon as we get back…"

"Yes, dear," he teased her.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"When we have kids…I'll be Dr. Shepherd…"

"Whenever you want…love…whenever you want…"

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith…happy wedding day…"

"Happy wedding day Derek," she said and after sharing a light kiss with him, settled in his embrace.

"What are you thinking?"

"How do you know that…all the time?"

"I've told you…I can feel your emotions…"

"You can…"

"So…"

"What you wrote in the journal… it was beautiful, but…"

"But…" he said, and turned her face to look at him, and nibbled at her lips, "Meredith, I thought that was a word we were eliminating."

"But…" she smiled, biting him back lightly, "how did you know it was going to be a beautiful morning…have you looked outside…I think it's freezing…and …"

"I don't have to look outside to know…because…today, our wedding day, no matter the weather…will be a beautiful day…a day to treasure…always…"

"Very…sappy and mushy and sentimental…"

"As we should be…" he said smiling, "especially on our wedding day."

They remained in each other's embrace until they heard a knock on the door, and they moaned in protest, "here we go," he laughed, "unless it's Mom, we're never going to live this down."

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," he heard as soon as he opened the door, followed by Meredith's giggle, "what the hell do you think you're doing," Kathleen reprimanded, to the chorus of Cristina and Lexie.

"Ask Mom," he said, and kissed his sister on the cheek.

"Mer…what the hell is he doing here?" Cristina asked, "Shepherd, get out."

"You can't tell me to get out," Derek argued.

"Yes, she can Derek, you are not supposed to be here, Mom's going to be furious."

"No she's not," he said as he walked back and sat on the bed and grinned.

"He told you, ask Mom…" Meredith replied smugly.

"Ask Mom what," Ailene said seconds later, smiling at Meredith, "Derek what are you doing here at this time?"

"What ! Mom… you told me."

"I did not mean for you to be here at eight in the morning, and need to think of an excuse for the three nosy meddling sisters here," she said with a dead pan expression, and her heart was smiling at Meredith's giggle, knowing she'd done the right thing, "now leave, we have a wedding to get ready for," she said as she continued to walk to where he was sitting, and leaned down to kiss his cheek.

"Thanks Mom," he said, kissing her back, "it meant a lot to us."

"Derek, it's time for you to leave," Ailene told him, as she walked around him and leaned over to kiss Meredith's cheek as well, "good morning dear, did you sleep well?"

"Very well," she said and in very uncharacteristic fashion sat up to hug her mother in law, "thank you, I'm so glad you're here today."

"I was meant to be here," she smiled and reached for Derek's hand and placed it on top of Meredith's, "just as you two are meant to be together."

"Mom," he started to say, and his mom squeezed his hand where she had placed it on top of Meredith's.

"Derek…don't make me get all sentimental now, I'll have enough of that at the wedding. Go find Mark or Kevin, or the gym and get a good work out," she finished while the other occupants in the room laughed at her suggestion.

"That's probably an excellent idea, Derek, go find the gym and work out your…"

"Kathleen…"

"Mom, you were just teasing him…"

"I wasn't teasing dear," she said as she gave her son a knowing look, and then turned to Meredith, and said quietly, "I told him to sleep with you …not…"

"We talked…and slept and talked…" Meredith rambled, "and he told me what you said…your traditions," she continued, "and what you'd told him about not…well, about one more…"

"Meredith," Ailene said, "stop rambling…it's too early," and kissed her cheek again, and in a very quiet voice finished her statement, "don't give them any more ammunition, those three over there are going to tease the hell out of you…"

"Ailene," Meredith smiled, as she got out of bed and hugged her, "you are so very special," she said.

"I'd reserve judgment Mer," Derek said, reminding them of his presence, while he delighted at the relationship developing between his mother and Meredith.

"You are still here, Derek, it's time to leave," his mother insisted, though she had a smile on her face as she watched the look exchanged between the couple.

"Good luck with the meddlers," he laughed and walked over to Meredith to kiss her, but Kathleen intercepted him.

"That's enough…"

"Really, Derek…you know it's bad luck to see the bride…Kat's right," Lexie said.

"Xena…there's no such thing…not for your sister and me …not ever again."

"You're probably right," Lexie said as she kissed him on the cheek, "but, let's not push it, not today…"

"I loved the journal you gave her," he spoke to her only, "thank you…it was beautiful…as was the idea."

"She told you…so she liked it…" Lexie asked, still a bit unsure of the relationship with her sister.

"She loved it…we both did, it was very special and sentimental."

"Derek…stop sharing secrets with my sister," Meredith said as she walked around the room, and he saw her put the journal away.

"Derek," his mother said, "out of here now…Meredith, stop flirting with him."

"I'm going…but…Meredith…tell Mom about your conversation with Nancy," he winked as he walked to the door.

The chorus chimed in immediately, "Nancy … you spoke to Nancy, today?" Kathleen asked incredulously.

"Meredith and I both did."

"You spoke to Mcbitchy…" Cristina blurted out.

"Mchottie," Lexie mumbled.

"Oh God help me," Ailene said, "now I will have to deal with Jenna," which had both Meredith and Derek laughing.

"What' so funny?" Kathleen said.

"That's what Nancy said," Meredith laughed.

"You spoke to Nancy…and you're laughing," Kathleen questioned.

"We did…and I told her we'd be seeing her soon," Meredith told her.

"Mom…" Kathleen laughed, and went over to and gave her mother a bear hug, "we're good…very good…she's mended her ways."

"Kathleen" her mother hugged her back and smiled, "was there ever any doubt? We're better than good…we're exceptionally good," she laughed, "now, Derek, don't make me throw you out…leave…now…"

"Yes, Mom…he said and reached for Meredith.

"I love you…" he said as he held her close, and whispered in her ear, "just hours…"

"I love you too," she smiled upon his lips and kissed him, and he deepened their kiss.

"Break it up you two…" Cristina said.

"You're failing Cristina," Ailene teased her, "I thought you'd have the hang of it by now, since you didn't succeed before dinner."

"What…you can't do any better…they're like a suction cup."

"Break it up, you two," Ailene said, lightly snapping Derek on the back of his head.

"Crap…that hurt."

"Leave now Derek," she said and delighted in Meredith's laughter.

"I think you better pay attention. I don't want an injured beast tonight," Meredith teased him.

"Fine…" he said with a feigned pout, while he walked over to his Mom, "I love you Mom," he said and hugged her, "thanks…for sharing a beautiful tradition with us last night, it meant a lot to us."

"We love you Derek, your Father and I…and …he'd have wanted you to have all that we wanted for ourselves," she said, and did not hide the emotions that filled her heart with hope for her son and new daughter, that their dreams were on the right course to being fulfilled.

Meredith was bombarded with questions as soon as he walked out, "Mer, you have a lot of explaining to do…Mom…what did he mean you knew?" Kathleen started, and both women ignored her.

"Kathleen, breakfast is late, make sure it gets here, she needs nourishment it will be hours before we have lunch."

"Mom…" she protested like a child.

"Did you suddenly turn ten," Ailene asked her, and both Lexie and Cristina roared with laughter.

"What…" Kathleen glared at t hem, but couldn't resist joining in the laughter as well, "just wait your turn."

"Lexie," Meredith said picking up the box from the nightstand, "take this to Derek, he needs to have this for the wedding."

"What is it?" the three meddlers asked.

"Just do it… Lex…take it to him," she said, and pushed her out the door, and whispered something to her before she walked away.

Lexie delivered the box. "Mer said to tell you it's very important you open it and take it with you to the ceremony…what's inside, not the box…she means, just what's inside, it's important you take it with you…she said something about tradition, Derek…you better not have messed up…spending the night with Meredith…it's not right…"

"Xena…we were going to spend the night together before Mom got here…trust me…it's ok…we're going to be fine…"

"Derek…you better not hurt her…I like you…and I love that you're my brother in law…and I knew it was going to happen and all…but don't hurt her again…"

"I won't…I promise you…but if I ever come close to it, you have permission to …"

"Kick your ass…"

"Yes…and you can drag Cristina with you…"

"I will…Derek…"

"You won't have to…I promise you…"

"I just want to make sure…she's my sister."

"Yes…she is…and she loves you too…"

"Derek…thank you…for bringing me here…it means a lot to me."

"It means a lot to both of us Lexie, you had to be here."

"Thank you," she said, and she had tears in her eyes as he embraced her.

"You're a good sister, and she knows that…and I knew she'd want you here, I wanted you here."

"Derek…I care about you too…and if you need anything, both of you…"

"We're here for you too Lexie…we both are, now go…before she interrogates you."

Lexie turned around smiling, "I'm glad you're my brother in law Derek."

"So am I Lexie," he said and closed the door behind him and opened the gift to find a small and probably quite old iron key, likely belonging to a small jewelry case, and then the handwritten note that accompanied it, and choked up as he read it, and vowed he'd spend the rest of his life doing whatever it took to make her happy and make her dreams come true.

_Derek, I was told it is tradition for the groom to carry a piece of iron on his wedding day ,and then I saw this… consider it the key to my heart, as I hope it will be to yours, for a lifetime. I have looked in your eyes and seen the depth of your soul…my soul mate…the love of my life. Yours, for always, Meredith  
_

Meredith's nervousness did not go unnoticed as she placed the fingertips of her left hand over the right and fidgeted with her fingers. "Mer stop with the fidgeting, it's not like three's going to run way with him…he turned her down the first time."

"Cristina," Kathleen scolded, "you better sweeten that orange juice and drink all of it, or I'm going to have Kevin ban you from the rest of the day."

"She knows I'm kidding…and look she stopped," Cristina defended herself.

"Well, today…overload on sugar, dear, or I'm going to find a muzzle," Ailene told her.

"Mer…tell them…this is me…it doesn't bother you," she said and walked up to her friend and saw the emotion in her eyes, "Mer…you're crying, I didn't mean anything…I'm sorry."

"It's ok."

"No…it's not, I'm sorry."

"It's not about what you said,"

"Then what …do you need a hug…" she asked, and without waiting for an answer hugged her friend.

"He loves me Cristina…he did all this…for me…" Meredith replied.

"Yes, he did, and he does love you…and…I'm happy for you…I am…"

"You are?"

"I am…he did this for you…and we have a truce Mer…" she said to lighten the mood.

"You do…"

"Till we can figure it out or something," she said as Lexie walked in the room.

"Did you give it to him? Was he there? What took you so long…"

"You are so predictable," Lexie said. "We talked, and he said I better go before you decided to interrogate me."

"What were you talking about?" Meredith insisted.

"You…"

"Oh…"

"Yes…oh…" Lexie said, "and I thanked him…for bringing me here."

"That was nice of you," Meredith said and waited for more, "but that took a long while."

"And I also told him, I'd kick his ass if he ever hurt you again…and he suggested I'd drag Cristina along," she said, and Meredith stared at her with a blank look on her face.

"Are…are you crazy…you told him that…he brought you here…and paid for all of you, Lexie…how could you?"

"Mer…he…he suggested it…"

"He suggested you'd kick…his ass…"

"I'm beginning to think this is going to be a very long truce," Cristina muttered, while Ailene was getting ready to step in.

"Mom…don't get involved."

"She needs a happy wedding day."

"She has that Mom, they understand each other…it's ok…"

"She was crying…Kathleen."

"She's still dealing with hormones Mom, and it is an emotional day on top of that, and she and Derek have been through a lot, but she's fine…she's going to be just fine, they both are."

"Is this the psychiatrist talking," her mother asked.

"It's the sister Mom, and the psychiatrist…and," she smiled, "your favorite daughter…"

"You do realize," Ailene said, "you have a very special place in my heart, all of you do…but you…" she said, "my first child…the apple of your father's eye, the day I placed you in his arms…Kathleen, it was the happiest moment of our lives…the wonder of it all…our first precious little girl…you will always have a very special place…"

"Mom…do you know how very much I love you…"

"You mean in spite of all those…take that back comments, when you're compared to me," she said and drew her daughter close, "and lying to me about your email accounts…"

"Those are the moments I love you most…all of us, when we all recognize how lucky we've been, how blessed we are to have you…and …wait…Mom…you know about the email accounts…"

"I love you Kathleen, and I'm so proud of you…every day, I'm so proud of you…"

"We're going to be watering pots, like Derek would say…before we even get to the ceremony," she said wiping the tears away, "and we have a lot of more catching up to do," she said as her mother hugged her tighter.

"Girls," Ailene called out, "you need to have breakfast, especially you Meredith."

"Why…especially me?"

"Because, I'm going to have an early night, most of us are, unlike you and Derek, and maybe Kathleen and Kevin."

Meredith blushed, while Lexie and Cristina laughed.

"Mer…you are getting the absolute best mother in law in the world," Cristina quipped, "if we'd met her before Mchottie, I may have called a truce with Shepherd earlier, he can't be all that bad with such a great mom."

"Cristina…"

"Mama Shep…that was a compliment," Cristina told her.

"Ok, breakfast time," Kathleen said, "there's nothing worse than a cold breakfast, and Mom's right Mer, about tonight…" she teased her.

"Can we talk about something else," Meredith said, a bit embarrassed.

"Mer…she had five kids, she knows…what you're going to be doing tonight."

"Oh God," Meredith said as she wrapped the robe closer around her. "Cristina, stop talking."

"Well…it is true Mer, and she knows you and Derek have been…"

"Lexie…" Meredith stopped her.

"They're just trying to help out dear," Ailene said softly, "it's easier not to be nervous if you can't think about it, because well meaning friends keep putting their foot in their mouth."

"Mer…" Lexie said, "can we see your dress now… there's no rules about that for the family, only for the groom…"

"Well…you can…I mean…it's probably not what you're expecting…but, I saw it, and it was just the two of us…and I wasn't going to have a formal wedding, and it's Derek's favorite color, and I saw it…and I thought…"

"Mer…I'm sure it's perfect, and he'll love whatever you chose…" Lexie told her, and placed her hand over her sister's and smiled.

"You can see it…it's the only thing left in the closet…"

"Eat first Lexie," Ailene told her, " before the eggs get cold."

"Oh, I can't have eggs, I'm allergic."

"I almost killed my sister," Meredith mumbled and giggled.

"How did you do that dear," Ailene asked attempting to distract her.

"Well, I was trying to do something nice for her," Meredith started to tell her, and by the time she finished the story they were all laughing.

"That was a very nice thing to do, and you know it's not that hard to cook."

"I think Derek and I have agreed I'll stay away from the kitchen, we should probably have incorporated it into our wedding vows…" she laughed.

Lexie walked over to the closet and removed the garment bag that covered the dress, and held it up for everyone, "Mer, it's a perfect dress and the color is beautiful," she told her sister.

"That is his favorite color, Meredith…he will love that you thought about it," Kathleen assured her.

"It is lovely dear, and it is just perfect for a March morning wedding in Venice."

"I thought so, but now…we're having a reception and it's outside…that's what you said Kathleen, and it's freezing and it won't matter since I'll have to wear my coat the entire time…"

"He'll see it during the ceremony, that's what's important and forget about the weather, they have outdoor heaters and it's a beautiful location."

"All right girls, it's time to start getting ready, I'm going to get dressed and I'll be back shortly, Meredith…do you need anything?"

"I'm going to take a shower…and I just need to get dressed, and it won't take more than a half hour…I still have an hour," she said as she began to fidget with her engagement ring.

"Cristina and Lexie, why don't you stay here…make sure she doesn't need anything. Kathleen and I will get ready and be back…and you can get yourselves ready."

While Meredith showered, Lexie went to get her things, and then Cristina did the same, so it was Lexie that Meredith found in her room.

"Lexie, where's Cristina?"

"She went to get her things, so we'll get ready here, keep you company."

"Lex…did Derek open what I sent him?"

"Not while I was there," she said as they heard a knock on the door, and she opened it to find Mark.

"How's Grey?"

"I'm fine," she teased.

"Your sister lassie, how's she doing, cause Shep is freaking out."

"Mark," Meredith walked to the door, "why…is he …has he changed…"

"He's freaking out that you're changing your mind…"

"I'm not…" she said, "tell him…there's no turning back… unless he…"

"Grey, there's no turning back, period," Mark said and walked in to stand beside her and kiss her cheek, "he said to tell you he won't forget, that it's already in his pocket, whatever the hell that means."

"Tell him…to read my note…"

"Can I see your dress?"

"No…get out…" Lexie said, pushing him toward the door.

"Keep her calm," Mark said quietly to Lexie, "he's a nervous wreck," and before he walked out kissed her cheek.

"Lexie…stop encouraging him," Meredith called out, and then saw the smile on her sister's face.

"He's fun Mer, and he's the bestman."

"Lexie…"

"I have something for you…if you want, you don't have to …I mean, I understand if you prefer something else, but…if you do…I think it would be nice…and it would mean a lot to my Mom, and she …she was in your dream Mer, so maybe it's ok…my idea…"

"Lexie…I'm a nervous wreck…you can't do this to me…the rambling…"

"Oh…ok…well," she said and took out a small cloth pouch from the bag she'd brought with her, "when Mark called and said we were coming to your wedding, I wanted to give you something special, but it's not like I had a lot of money right now, and it should be a gift for you and Derek…but I thought, you might like this, and they could be your something old…" she stopped and revealed a small pair of gold earrings, "they were Mom's…and I think…I think she'd have wanted you to have them…"

Meredith was moved by the gesture, and overcome with emotions, when she heard Lexie say, "it's ok…it was a bad idea…I'm sorry…I shouldn't have said anything."

"No," Meredith said softly, reaching out and placing her hand on her sister's, "I'm…I'm honored…and…moved…but…they were hers and you should have them…you're her daughter…"

"I think she'd like for you to have them…she did nothing but talk about you…and how much she wanted us to know each other…be part of each other's life…and I know she'd be so happy to see you now…marrying Derek…"

"I can wear them today…it means a lot Lexie…that you'd think of this, but, then…I can…you can have them back…you or Molly…."

"Mer… I know…just like that time…that Mom was watching over us…that she's doing the same now…and she'd like for you to have them," she said, and placed them in Meredith's hand, "and maybe we can start our own tradition, and they'll be yours…but I'll wear them at my wedding…and Laura…and our girls…any girls we may have…can remember their grandmother…"

"I think," Meredith said, "that will be a lovely tradition," and the two sisters embraced,

"I think…she's watching over us…Lexie…and she knows…that we've found each other, and how far we've come…how much it means to us…to be sisters."

Cristina walked in and all three began to get ready, and soon, as Kathleen and Ailene returned, there wasn't much left to do but for Meredith to slip her dress on.

"Lexie, Cristina you look lovely," Ailene said, "we just came across Mark, pacing the hall, so I told him, that both he and Derek should walk to the ceremony, and get rid of all the nervous energy."

"What is he nervous about," Cristina asked.

"I guess Derek's threatened to kill him," Kathleen laughed.

"What…" Meredith asked with concern.

"Seriously," Cristina said, "I need to see this."

"Cristina…"

"Mama Shep…you're not being fun now…"

"I'm not supposed to be fun, I'm the Mother…"

"Old wily fox…isn't that what Kevin calls you," Cristina teased.

"Kat, why are they fighting?" Meredith asked.

"They're not, they're Mark and Derek, and Mark told him he couldn't find the rings."

"Poor Mark," Lexie commented.

"Poor Mark," a chorus of four women echoed.

"Yeah, he's the one that's going to end up dead, not Derek," she laughed.

"Stop making her more nervous. Meredith dear, what do you need to be ready, just slip on your dress?"

"I think so…"

"You look beautiful, you're positively glowing…even if I can see the nervousness," she said as she put her arms around her, "but…it's a big day, and that's allowed…"

The phone rang, and Kathleen repeated that Lucia was there and ready to leave in twenty minutes, and the men had decided to walk to Palazzo Cavalli, while the ladies would take the water taxi, offering covered transportation to the ceremony.

"Mer," Kathleen asked, "do you have everything…something old, new, borrowed and blue?"

"Yes…I think so…" she said, fidgeting with her ring again.

"Let's see," Kathleen said, "what's the something old?"

"Lexie…gave me Susan's earrings…"

"Something new," Kathleen continued, "we have covered," she smiled, "with the dress."

"And the lingerie you gave her is also new and blue," Cristina chimed in, "including the lighter blue garter belt."

"What's the something borrowed," Kathleen asked.

"Oh…I didn't think of that," Meredith said, "but…it can also be Susan's earrings…"

"I think I have a better idea," Ailene said as she walked over to her, "if you'd like, I would love for you to wear this," she said and removed her bracelet.

"Oh…no…I couldn't…"

"It's all right dear," she said softly, as she gauged the misty eyes, "you don't have to…"

"Oh no…I don't mean that…I just…it's yours…and you always wear it…and I couldn't…"

"Mer," Kathleen said, "we've all worn it on our wedding day…it's been our something borrowed from Mom."

"But…you're her daughters," she said, unable to keep the emotion from her voice, "I'm not…"

"But you are," Ailene said softly, "if you let me, I told you…I can be a very gentle mom…but you don't have to…I know it's very personal…"

"I want to," Meredith said, with barely a whisper, "it would mean a lot to me, and…she said…Mom in my dream, she said…she'd be ok…if…if I called you Mom…and if you want me to…I'd love to wear it, and it would be so special to Derek."

"Then, you'll wear it…and all my daughters will have the same tradition…" Ailene said, visibly touched she had accepted, and placed it around her wrist.

"Ailene…" Meredith asked quietly, "did…did she wear it too…"

"No dear," she said and hugged her and quietly added, "Addison did not wear it," and she heard the soft broken breath, "she was my daughter in law, you are now my daughter."

Kathleen was close enough to hear the exchange, and stopped the tears before they escaped, and thought of her wedding day, how she'd cried when her Mom had taken off the bracelet she wore at every special occasion and placed it on her wrist. She thought of how she'd missed her father, and walked over to hug Meredith knowing how she must be feeling having neither of her parents on her special day.

"Welcome to the family," Kathleen said as she hugged both Meredith and her Mom, before stepping away and got busy tidying everything around the room.

"Do you think…she can sense this…my Mother, my happiness today… I miss her," Meredith whispered as Ailene held her, "I wish she could be here…even if …" she stopped before repeating, I was never enough.

"She is Meredith…all your loved ones…they're here," she said hugging her tightly, and for the first time in her life Meredith felt the warmth and love of her mother transmitted in that gentle heartfelt embrace.


	148. Chapter 148

**Ch 142 - "I do…for always…"**

It was a beautiful morning in Venice, the crisp sunny weather invigorating, as Derek left the hotel followed by Mark and Kevin both of whom had their share of ribbing him the night before, and now he was in no mood for jokes.

He was a nervous wreck, never having felt this way before, the emotions he was experiencing in anticipation of Meredith becoming his wife were nowhere close to his wedding to Addison. Both men had been there at his first wedding, and in silent understanding left him to his thoughts, because they knew this was not like the first time, this was as he had told them the night before, the only time that mattered, because today he was marrying his soul mate, the woman that gave meaning to his life.

"You're damn lucky you know," Mark commented, "being married to a woman like Kathleen."

"Mark, are you still trying to steal her away from me," Kevin laughed.

"Never had a chance, she's never had eyes for anyone but you."

"Jealous, are you?"

"Yeah…sometimes…Kev, I wonder what the fuck it's all about…if we all have that other half…or it's just better my way."

"The manwhore route…"

"Don't knock it…just because you were one lucky bastard."

"That I am Mark, and I never take it for granted, I get what Shep's feeling, because…when you find that, that love of your life…"

"You ever cheat on her?"

"What the f…"

"Guys, I can hear you…stop instigating Mark…" Derek turned around and told them.

"I'm not. I'm asking him…seriously…what it's all about."

"Do you have the rings?" Derek asked.

"I think so…" Mark grinned but was interrupted.

"Shit Mark, this is no time to joke."

"Lighten up Shep…of course I have the rings…I'm the best man …"

"Yeah…maybe I should change my mind…not a great track record…"

"Hey…" Mark walked up to him and became serious, "that's not fair, you said we moved on from that, and…Grey…I told you…I value our friendship, all of it too much to ever go there, and she's…she's vulnerable and I'm seeing her like a sister Derek. What she's been through, both of you, I was there, and I'm not taking any chances, ever again to screw it up with you…so…you don't get to say that."

"I know…Mark…I know you're her knight…" he half smiled.

"No, her semi-knight," he corrected, "you're her only knight Derek."

"Hey guys," Kevin interrupted, "were the hell are we?"

"What…" both Mark and Derek asked at the same time.

"I don't think this is the way…"

"What are you talking about Kev?" Derek asked irritated.

"I don't remember this being on the map."

"Screw the map, just follow me, I know where we're going," and they walked for another several blocks when he stopped.

"Kev…" Derek said, "you're right…this is not the way."

"Told you, we shouldn't have walked on our own," Mark said, "or at the very least brought Lexie with us, she'd have remembered after one look at the map."

"What the hell is with you and Lexie, and it better be nothing, Mer will kill you."

"You heard her," Mark said, "I'm too old for her, nothing to worry about."

Derek had a feeling there was more to it than that, but decided to let it go, he wasn't going to let anything ruin his wedding day, he'd deal with it when they got back home. For now he knew he was in trouble if they didn't make it to Palazzo Cavalli on time.

Mark took the initiative and stopped a woman passing by, and luckily she spoke enough English to point them in the right direction, and in fact Mark's considerable charm had her walking with them until they were on the path that could not be mistaken and in minutes arrived at the city hall.

"Dr. Shepherd," the driver from earlier in the week greeted him, "please follow me, we will wait upstairs and there is a document for you to read, Lucia will also give it to Dr. Grey, it is the translation of the wedding vows that will be used in the ceremony."

"Wedding vows," Derek commented after the three men were escorted to one of the rooms in the old palace, "I didn't think of wedding vows, I didn't write anything…what the hell is Meredith going to think that I didn't care enough to write some wedding vows for us…and I would have…but there wasn't any time…I didn't think of it, Mark…with everything going on I didn't…"

"Derek," Mark said, trying not to laugh and grabbed him by the shoulders, "she is not going to care, I'm sure she didn't think of it either. Now, get a grip, and read what the man gave you and stop with the rambling. Shit, that made the Grey girls and Kathleen sound like amateurs."

"You ass."

"Hey…that's what I'm here for."

"He's right Shep," Kevin added, "she's not going to care, she's probably a nervous wreck just like you are."

"I am not," Derek protested.

"Well, than you're a better man than me, cause I sure as hell was, especially…"

"Especially what…" Mark prompted.

"We were trying so hard to keep your mother from knowing we'd been living together, and it turns out," he laughed, "she knew all along."

"So, Kev," Mark insisted, "did you ever cheat on her?"

"Shep's right," he laughed, "you're an ass, and no I did not."

"Not even tempted? Man, twenty years the same woman."

"The same woman you still can't resist flirting with," he reminded Mark, "who's still hot as hell…and more beautiful and desirable than the first day I met her."

"Not to mention phone sex," Mark said and they both roared with laughter.

"That is my sister you're talking about," Derek commented, unaware that both men had been trying to keep the conversation along the lines that would ease a bit of his nervousness.

"There was only one time," Kevin started to say.

"You ass," Derek said, "you're telling us you cheated on her…what the fuck kind of love of your life is that you stupid pr…"

"Shut up Derek, listen to the story," Kevin told him, "we'd been married about four years, and at a holiday party when this woman, a very attractive woman started flirting with me, and before I knew it, Kat was at my side and told her, honey I don't object to sharing my husband as long as you don't mind that he's been impotent for years."

Mark roared, "what did she say to that?"

"I have no idea, because Kat, who was six months pregnant at the time, pulled her to the side, and the woman left shortly thereafter."

"She didn't bring it up again?" Mark asked.

"Oh yeah…she's never let me forget it, and I wasn't the one flirting."

"You just made that up," Derek told him.

"Ask Kathleen."

"I don't think we'll be talking about cheating spouses today," Derek muttered.

"Good idea," Mark mumbled, but Derek heard him.

"Hey…" Derek said, "the past…it's over," and extended his hand to him, "I'm glad you're here today…it would not be the same without you."

Mark took his hand and took one step further and gave him a heartfelt bear hug, "you're my brother Derek, I'll never jeopardize that again."

"I know…and so does she."

"Did you read her note, she told me to remind you…and I'm sure you did, but I think it meant more than that, Shep, you didn't forget did you, she'll kill me and she may take it back…you know…my other role…Derek…did you…don't tell me you forgot man…"

"I need a drink," Kevin laughed, "you guys are nuts…Mark, you just rambled like a girl."

"Oh shut up," both Mark and Derek echoed.

"I did not forget," Derek smiled as he slipped his hand in his pant pocket and fingered the iron key she had given him, and began pacing the centuries old room, and was soon followed by Mark, much to Kevin's amusement.

Meredith, unlike Derek, was relatively calm, as she'd experienced a myriad of brand new emotions and she'd been overwhelmed by the presence of family and its healing power.

When Ailene Shepherd placed the bracelet on her wrist and embraced her, she'd touched Meredith deeply and forever found a place in her heart.

"Meredith," Lucia had told her when she met with her before leaving the hotel room, "these are the wedding vows that have been translated, they cannot be changed because they are the Italian civil wedding vows, but if you wish to say you own vows, you may do so after these are completed."

"Vows…I didn't write anything…and we didn't talk about it, Derek and I, how could we have forgotten…it's our wedding…" she felt Kathleen's hand over hers.

"Meredith, I'm sure he did not think about it. Honey, there's been a lot going on, and with these vows, you'll be married…and later, the two of you can add anything you want and share it with each other," she said calmly.

"Kat…but, he may think I did not care, that it wasn't important to me…" she said quietly.

"Mer," Cristina walked over to her, "remember at my wedding, I had my vows all written, and everything was sort of perfect…"

"Cristina, you're not making this better, you washed off your vows, and Burke did not go through with the wedding."

"But you are, and the vows…when the time is right, after the ones you must say, I know, that if you speak from the heart, you will find the perfect thing to say."

"Who are you?" Meredith said, shocked by Cristina's sensitivity. "What happened to you?"

"I'm your person, recognizing that what the two of you share…is what love is about."

"You mean that…" Meredith said softly, touched by her words, "seriously?"

"Seriously…" she said and hugged her ever so briefly, "now let's get going, Shepherd must be a nervous wreck wondering if you've changed your mind."

"There's the Cristina I've come to know," Mrs. Shepherd laughed.

"Mama Shep, you're a hard act to follow," Cristina told her. "I think they broke the mold with you…Lexie and I are going to be stuck with dreadful mothers in law."

"Cristina, dear, that is lovely…but…I'm not so sure about that," she said smiling, and quickly glanced at Lexie, a look that did not go unnoticed by either Kathleen or Meredith.

"Meredith," Lucia spoke again, "it will take less than ten minutes to get to Palazzo Cavalli and once we get there, you will be escorted to a room adjoining the marriage room, in case you don't want to see Dr. Shepherd until the ceremony begins."

"Mer…it would be so romantic, if he did not see you before, you know you walk up the aisle…or whatever," Lexie said.

"Lucia, we did not talk about it…what do I do?" she asked a bit nervous.

"Meredith," Kathleen assured her, "we talked yesterday, with Derek, and he thought you'd join him…in the Wedding room, that will be the first time he sees you…"

"He did…he wanted that…"

"We kind of told him that…" Kathleen laughed.

"He was ok with that…"

"Yes, he was fine with that…and besides, he got to sleep with you last night, so he can wait…just like we had to," she said, "thanks to Mom."

"Oh stop whining, you had your share of sleeping with Kevin before, not to mention already…"

"Mom…"

"Yes dear?"

"Never mind…I don't want to know now…"

"You already do, Kathleen…" her mother smiled and went to her side to hug her, and they shared a private moment.

"Mom…"

"Yes…dear."

"You know…"

"Everything…well, not everything…but, sweetheart…an almost eight pound premature baby," she smiled, and caressed her daughter's face and kissed her cheek.

"Mom…I'm sorry, I should have…"

"You are beautiful and perfect in my eyes, don't ever forget it…as in your Dad's…and do not make me cry before the wedding."

"Do you need anything from here Meredith," Lexie had asked, and Meredith had given her a gift to take with her and been harassed about what it was by the others, but would not budge in revealing the content.

Kathleen, after seeing Meredith's dress had gone to her room and brought a black cashmere shawl and told Meredith she could use that instead of her coat during the reception, so Derek could enjoy her dress, and teased her along with Lexie and Cristina that she probably wouldn't be wearing much clothing during the rest of the week.

"Kathleen, stop teasing her, we all know what they're going to do the rest of the honeymoon, for goodness sakes, even I have not forgotten my honeymoon, or the lack of clothing," Ailene said, effectively shutting them up as she walked over to Meredith. "Ignore them…but follow their advice," she laughed, and had Meredith giggling.

The wedding party of five women was escorted to the private taxi and within minutes approached the landing dock on the Grand Canal, and in spite of the banter amongst them, Meredith remained in quiet reflection.

"Derek you've looked at the time every thirty seconds, the ceremony is not till ten thirty, she has another ten minutes to get here," Kevin told him.

"What if she changed her mind…" he asked. "She could, you know."

"Unlikely," Mark taunted, "you're the one that has the market cornered on that, non-proposals, taking them back…telling her you bought her ring but not giving it to her."

"How do you know about that?"

"You are seriously asking me that question?" Mark answered with a question.

"Yes, didn't talk to anybody."

"Shep, the night before you flew out…weren't Cristina and Lexie at your place, and helped her pack?"

"Yeah…"

"Women talk…Derek…women talk, too damn much."

"That doesn't answer my question how do you know…oh wait…don't tell me…Lexie."

"We sat together on the way here…do you know what it's like to sit next to Xena on an airplane for hours on end?"

"I'm sure you're going to tell me," Derek responded.

"No…not at all," he smirked, and thought, delightful.

"Oh God," Derek said, "Meredith's going to kill you."

"Why?" Mark asked, "I haven't done anything…"

"Why indeed," Derek laughed, almost seeing the humor in the situation, "keep it that way."

"Your bride's arrived Shep," Kevin said as he looked out the window, and Derek followed relieved to see Meredith on the dock walking towards the building, and his mother approached and linked her arm through hers and he saw Meredith turn her face and smile at her.

"Dr. Shepherd," the young driver spoke as he entered the room, "they are here, and we'll give them a few minutes for any last minute preparations and then we will be ready to join them in the Wedding room."

"Thank you, let me know, I'm ready," Derek responded.

Meredith stood outside the building and admired it's façade, and when she went inside, murmured to Ailene, "it feels perfect…to be married here, it's such a beautiful palace, centuries old…and in Venice…full of stories and legends…"

"As yours…you begin your own story today, you and my son, a love story guaranteed to be a legend…with your romantic proposal and kiss under the Bridge of Sighs," she said as she glanced at the marble staircase in the Renaissance building overlooking the Grand Canale, and the two most important women in Derek's life walked up the stairs, one to enter into and the other, witness the commitment of a lifetime.

They were escorted to a small room beautifully decorated with original eighteenth century furniture and paintings. "Meredith," Lucia said, "you have a few minutes before the ceremony begins, the Mayor, it is Wednesday and he performs all the marriages and he speaks English, but the vows must be read in Italian so the interpreter will be there, but they are the same as you have read, do you have any questions?"

"No… I'm ready, "she said as Cristina helped her take her coat off, "except…Lucia, if I want to say something…like…my own words…can I say that…"

"Of course, you can, but it will be after the official vows, so I will let him know, you wish to say something…do not worry, I will take care of that now, and will be back in a few minutes."

"This is it," Meredith said quietly, almost to no one in particular, "my wedding day…"

Lexie stood next to her, "you look beautiful, Meredith…and I'm so happy to be here to share this day with you…"

"So am I…Lexie…you think he'll like the dress…" she said, fidgeting with the bracelet.

"He will love the dress," Kathleen said, "it's his favorite color."

"That's why I chose it…"

"And he will know that Mer," Cristina said.

"You look perfect dear, my son will not be able to take his eyes off you."

"Music…" Meredith, said suddenly as Lucia walked in the room, "there's no music…that must be bad luck…I mean…a wedding and no music for the bride, I don't, I'm not walking down the aisle, but still…maybe…"

"Meredith, there is music. Dr. Shepherd thought of it, he asked for music since he's going to wait for you to walk the length of the Wedding Room."

"He…Derek thought of music…"

"Yes, he said he was sure you'd like what he chose."

"Ok…he…he thought of everything…"

"I really think he did, Mer," Cristina said.

"He loves me Cristina," she said almost in awe that he truly did.

"Yeah…he really does," she admitted.

"Thank you…" Meredith said getting teary eyed, "for saying that."

"It's time Meredith, the Mayor is here, so if the ladies will come with me, and they can take a seat, and then I will come back to get you."

"Lexie, don't forget the gift …"

"I have it here," she indicated to the bag, "I won't forget."

"It's for Derek," she said quietly to her sister.

"I figured that…" Lexie smiled.

"You're not always right you know," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"I was about you and him…my brother in law…" she said, "happy wedding day Meredith," she said and kissed her cheek, "I love you."

"Do not make me cry," Meredith told her softly, "I'm glad we're sisters Lexie."

"Let's go," Kathleen said, "before we all begin to cry or ramble," and gave Meredith a kiss on the cheek as well, "again, welcome to our family, I am so happy to have a new sister."

"Lucia," Ailene asked, "may I walk with her and take a seat before she walks to Derek?"

"Of course Mrs. Shepherd, we have many of the bride's mothers that do that."

"That is wonderful dear, thank you," she said, "girls we'll see you in a couple of minutes."

"Oh, Lucia," Kathleen said before she walked out, "the flowers…we forgot…"

"They are here, don't worry," she smiled indulgently, "let me show you the way."

Derek was nervous, and became increasingly so when he did not see his mother with the others and approached Kathleen, "what's wrong, where's Mom?"

"She will be here, she wanted to stay with Meredith," and gave her brother a kiss, "you look very handsome Derek."

"Is she ok…is Meredith ok?"

"She is perfect…" she smiled, as she went to sit next to Kevin in the front row and greeted her husband with a light kiss on the lips.

"He's a nervous wreck," Kevin smiled as he kissed her back, "even took a wrong street, and manwhore asked if I'd ever cheated on you."

"He did what," she narrowed her eyes, and laughed as he told her the story.

"Meredith, Mrs. Shepherd, we're ready," Lucia said, "these are your flowers Meredith, from Dr. Shepherd," and handed her a beautiful delicate bouquet of about fifty stems of Lily of the Valley, with three sprigs of lavender perfectly matching the indigo of her dress, all tied with a small white satin ribbon.

"They're from Derek," she said as the bouquet was placed in her hands, "he …" she paused as tears welled.

"No crying sweetheart, not till he at least sees you…" Ailene told her, and following Lucia walked toward the Wedding room.

Derek could see his mother just outside the door, and for the umpteenth time straightened the knot of his tie. "Derek, stop with the fidgeting, she's right there," Mark said.

"Meredith," Ailene said, "whenever you need me, whatever you need me for…from this moment forward, I will be there, just one call away…as I am for my children and in my heart you are already my daughter."

"I thought you said I could not cry," Meredith said as she fought back tears.

"Well, I thought I could do this without crying too," she responded and reached for a lace and Irish linen handkerchief in her small bag, "this was from my husband, on our wedding day he had to dry my tears too," she said and dabbed at the corner of Meredith's eyes, before she did the same and then hugged her, "I'm so happy to be here to share your wedding day, Meredith, and I know…if she could, this would be your mother standing here with you," and Meredith in that moment knew her mother was present, and felt her unconditional love in that embrace, and then her tears wiped away once again, before Ailene walked away.

"Mom," Meredith closed her eyes, and barely whispered, "I did love you…I miss you," and chose to believe as she held on tightly to the bouquet in her hand that the wind could echo voices from afar, and heard "I love you too Meredith…you are a beautiful bride."

Lucia touched her arm lightly, indicating it was time for her to walk in, just as the delicate sumptuous sound of harp strings filled the room with Mendelssohn's Wedding March from A Midsummer's Night dream, and Derek and Meredith's eyes met, their gazes locked, never wavering until she was at his side.

"You remembered," she whispered as she reached his side, and the last sounds of the age old song resonated through the room, "the music."

"I remember everything about you," he smiled. "You wore blue."

"Your favorite color," she smiled, eyes filled with tears, "I chose it for you."

"You look beautiful," he said, as his eyes perused her body, and the simple short sleeve silk dress she'd selected, the round slightly gathered neckline highlighting the heart pendant she wore, and the blouson top accentuated at the waist by a silk sash tied to rest against her thigh.

"You look very handsome," she said as she raised her hand to lightly stroke his face, and he noticed the bracelet, and his eyes filled with tears.

"This," he said, touching the bracelet, "Dad's gift…"

"She…she wanted me to wear it."

"Oh…Mer…do you know…"

"Yes…Derek…I do…" she said acknowledging the deeply emotional significance of her wearing the charm bracelet, and squeezed his hand gently.

The Mayor interrupted in English, "we will begin now," and read the vows, immediately followed by the translator, and they agreed, that "the husband and wife acquire the same rights and assume the same duties, and the state of matrimony requires a reciprocal obligation to fidelity, to moral and material assistance, to collaboration in the interest of the family and to cohabitation. Both the husband and wife are expected to contribute to the needs of the family, each pledging in relation to their own financial circumstances and personal capacity, relative to their profession, whether inside our outside the family home, and the husband and wife will agree together on the physical address of their home and establish the family residence according to the needs of both, and of the pre-eminent needs of the family itself. The state of matrimony requires from both the husband and wife the duty of supporting, raising and educating their children, keeping in mind their natural abilities, their inclinations and aspirations."

Derek had raised his eyebrow when they'd mentioned the financial circumstances, and Meredith had done the same, both smiling in challenge and agreement.

Upon stating the required articles, the Mayor continued, "After this premise, I invite you to answer the following questions," he said as the translator continued.

"Does Mr. Derek Shepherd declare he wants to take as his wife Miss Meredith Grey, here present?"

"I do," Derek answered with the expected response, and then added, "for a lifetime."

"Does Miss Meredith Grey declare she wants to take as her husband, Mr. Derek Shepherd, here present?"

"I do," she said, emotions overwhelming her, "for always."

Derek was ready for him to say he could kiss the bride, when he heard the Mayor speak in English again, "before you may kiss the bride, she would like to say her own vows."

Derek could not have been more shocked. "You have vows…you didn't say…you wrote vows…"

"They're…from the heart, Derek…spoken from my heart," she said, as she turned to face him, her hand still held in his, and she placed the bouquet on the desk in front of them and reached for his other hand, and began to speak barely above a whisper, though all in the front row could hear her the softness of her voice and the poignant words spoken.

"Once upon a time…"she began, "the first night of a lifetime, I met the love of my life, and he told me if I knew him…" she smiled, "and he was right, one night in a trailer in the wilderness, he made me fall hopelessly in love with him, and began to believe in love, that a love like ours existed, and here I am …wanting you always, no longer scared, for I know, I've found my soul mate… and we will never be alone again…our hearts entwined forever…our love," she said so quietly, only for him to hear as she released his hand and gently touched the hearts she wore, "now three souls… together beyond sad goodbyes," and he reached gently to wipe her tears, before she slightly raised her voice again, "the two of us…for always…"

"Meredith," he spoke reverently, "you were like coming up for fresh air, I was drowning and you saved me…I looked in your eyes, and even when I did not deserve it, you trusted me, and took the rest on faith, and I promise you today, that I will spend the rest of my life…of our lives," he said holding both her hands in his and bringing them to his lips for a gentle kiss, "doing all I can to be worthy of your trust and love, my life is nothing without you and I will spend it loving you always."

Their wedding guests each were touched for different reasons, but all had tears in their eyes, as they continued to hear the intimate exchange between the two people they loved.

"Derek…you saved me…pulled me out of the water…and breathed for me…and now…from now on, when one falters," she said, but he finished, "the other will be steady in our resolve and commitment to each other …" and she smiled.

"Our one hundred steps, Derek, we're here."

"Your ugly toad," he smiled.

"Turned into my knight in shining armor, my prince charming, my strength and comfort, the love of my life."

"You are the love of mine, and my heart skips a beat whenever I look in your eyes, and see that you love me," and both continued, finishing the other's thoughts, oblivious to time and anyone but each other, and the voices of their hearts.

"Today, Derek…our wedding day," she said, no longer caring if tears spilled, "all that we've been through, the sadness and joys we've shared brought us to this moment as we begin our married life…all is forgiven," she said and raised his hands to her lips," and then added quietly, "except any new brainless activities…you'll have to make up for those," she said and he laughed softly, "and so will I…but, today as we make these vows in front of our family, our loved ones," she said thinking of her mother, his father, Brianna, "I promise to love you for the rest of my life…to be there through all that life may have in store for us, to never give up and together…to build a life with you…a family…and give them a legend of love unequaled…to create memories for our children and grandchildren, and if one forgets…the other will be there…remembering for us both...I will love you…beyond our goodbyes…I'd already given you my heart…now I know our souls too have discovered each other…"

He was speechless, and humbled and knew that his words could never match hers, "That you have forgiven me…that you love me, is and will always be my most treasured gift, and I promise you that I will always be there, you will never have to doubt those words again, no more pulling away, communicating always…and as we build our life, as we begin to take new steps, Meredith…I pledge my commitment to that lifetime I asked for, our home, our children… and as our Angel watches over them, I will spend each day, each moment, making sure your dreams…our dreams come true."

Kevin had long since reached for Kathleen's hand, and at that moment reached over to wipe her tears and kiss her, both of them remembering the common bond they shared in the loss of an angel.

Cristina fought back tears as she remembered her wedding day, and acknowledged her love for Burke had never measured up to what Meredith and Derek shared, and wished them happiness.

Lexie made no attempt to hide her tears, as she spoke silently, "Mom…I'm pretty sure you're here…I love you Mom, I miss you…but, I think you're happy…that we've become sisters…"

"Derek," she said softly, "you've already made many dreams come true."

"Once upon a time," he said, "two people, two lonely people hiding their pain, were given a second chance… and prayers were answered," his voice was filled with emotion, "and found the priceless gift of love, now…our very own tale…a legend of love, for always," he said, and took out the key she had given him and placed it in the palm of her hand and covered it with his, and repeated the words he'd memorized after reading her note, "I have looked in your eyes and seen the depth of your soul…my soul mate…the love of my life, consider this the key to my heart as well, for a lifetime."

"The bride and groom may exchange their rings," the Mayor said a few moments later, touched by their vows, and Mark handed Derek her wedding band.

"With this ring, I thee wed…for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others…for always," he said, ignoring the traditional till death do us part.

Mark smiled, securing the third ring in his pocket and handed Meredith his wedding band, and she repeated, "with this ring, I thee wed…for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, forsaking all others…" and as he had done, "for always…"

"Further to their respective declarations in the affirmative, I hereby pronounce that Meredith and Derek are united in matrimony."

"You may now kiss the bride," the Mayor spoke in English.

Derek brought his hand to her face, cupping it gently and kissed her softly at first, then briefly deepened the kiss that sealed their love for a lifetime.

"We've done it Irish," Ailene spoke as she'd done so often through the years, "our son…happily married, remember love, they're like us…and she's wonderful and perfect for him, I wish I'd given in to you that day, and kissed you…look out for them love…make sure they get the years we didn't, and one day…I expect you to be there, as I know you are today, celebrating the birth of their next baby…take care of Brianna love…until it's my time to join you," and sent a prayer of thanks, and her own request, "God…they still need me here…I want to see those grandchildren," and smiled, her faith secure in the knowledge she'd be there…to enjoy seeing those dreams fulfilled.

"Now, to complete the ceremony, we must finish the formalities," the Mayor read, "On this twenty seventh day in the month of March, 2008 at ten thirty in the morning, in the town of Venice….by the authority vested in me, Derek Shepherd and Meredith Grey have asked me to unite them in marriage," he paused and Meredith and Derek simply continued to gaze at one another smiling, as he continued until he reached the end, "and each having responded yes of their own free will, and the full understanding of the witnesses I have thus declared them united in matrimony."

They were asked who the two witnesses would be, and Derek indicated Mark, and Meredith said his mother, who was visibly emotional as she rose from her seat and walked to the desk to sign the certificate.

"I love you, Mom," Derek said as he embraced her, "you and Dad…I love you."

"We know dear," she said, as she used the handkerchief to dab at her eyes, "we know."

"Congratulations, you are now officially husband and wife," the Mayor said as he extended his hand to them both, and the harp's strings again filled the room, but this time rather than delicate, the sounds of the wedding march struck chords of the culminated ceremony.

Derek reached for the bouquet and placed it in her hand, and they turned to walk to the end of the room where earlier Meredith had waited to make her entrance, and then he reached for her and without a care for their guests or witnesses, captured her mouth in a kiss that promised endless hours of passion desperately waiting to be fulfilled.

_AN 17NOV - Thanks to all of you still interested in this story & your bumps/comments, you have no idea how much it means and how very inspiring the have been. I'll be posting an update shortly._

_Can't believe it's been 10 months of writing to finally get to this chapter._

_It was a hard one to write, and I spent most of Sat/Sunday reading the story from the beginning hopefully to leave no loose ends, on the day they finally…after this long journey make the ultimate commitment. It's what's the story was about…the goal was to make them work through their issues and rebuild their relationship towards that lifetime that Derek wanted to share with her, through a nurturing, caring, trusting and passionate relationship. I hope you are not disappointed. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_p.s... that chapter is not the end of the story...don't think it's fair after months and months to end it so abruptly. thanks again for reading._


	149. Chapter 149

**Ch 143 – "We're married…" **

Derek placed his hand on her nape bringing her lips close to him, and circled her waist as he captured her mouth, while she placed one hand on his shoulder and her arm wrapped around his neck, barely holding on to the bouquet of flowers in her hand.

The wedding party walked behind them. Lexie removed the bouquet from Meredith's hand and everyone laughed as the newly married couple, oblivious to all but each other, was lost in a kiss filled with promises.

"Shep," Mark was the first to speak, "we know it's been a while…" he stopped, as he felt three consecutive slaps. "Hey…" he said, rubbing the back of his head, "that hurt, are you women crazy?"

"Who are you calling crazy?" Ailene Shepherd asked.

"That wasn't you, I know your slaps, that was Kat," Mark said.

"Leave them alone, you're just jealous," Kathleen told him, and everyone laughed.

Meredith ran her hand through the curls at the nape of Derek's neck, while he did the same, his fingers playing with her hair, the back of her neck held firmly in his hand, and then they reluctantly released the other's lips and their eyes opened, their smiles as wide as those reflected in the shimmering gazes locked. "We're married," she whispered against his lips.

"We're married," he whispered back, and before kissing her lips softly, called out to the others, "leave us alone."

"Shep," Kevin laughed, "Mark's right you have all night…" and he too endured two gentler slaps.

"Mom," he complained, "that's not fair, you didn't hit Mark."

"Hush, they're entitled to kiss as long as they want," she answered, an indulgent smile on her lips.

"Hell, if you can't beat them," Kevin said mischievously, and grabbed Kathleen and kissed her, "I love you Kat…even if you hit me."

"That doesn't seem fair, now does it…"Mark commented, and for a brief moment looked over at Lexie, unexpectedly meeting Ailene's stare.

"Don't…even…" Ailene warned.

"I haven't done anything," Mark said defensively.

"Keep it that way," she said.

"What…now you have eyes in the back of your head," he laughed.

"I always did dear," she quipped, and walked to him and placed her arms through his, then kissed his cheek.

Derek's hands remained circled around Meredith's waist, as he whispered, "I love you."

"I love you…" she smiled, as she brushed her lips on his, both arms draped around his neck, "that's the first time Derek, our first married kiss…"

"Kisses," he chuckled, "more likely," and kissed her again.

"Yes…and the first time…we've said I love you…"

"As husband and wife," he finished for her, and again captured her mouth.

Ailene Shepherd cleared her throat, "the cameras are rolling."

"What…" both Meredith and Derek said, a bit startled.

"The video camera, they're still filming…maybe they should stop."

"Video camera," Meredith questioned.

"Yes dear, Kathleen asked them to, so we could share it with everyone back home."

"You mean…" Meredith started to say.

"Our kiss was on camera," Derek murmured for her ears only, making her giggle, "wonder if we should show that to the kids."

"I'm sure they'll be able to handle it," she laughed.

"You think…" he said, pressing her closer to him, "not," he paused, "if we don't stop soon, even the adults here…shouldn't be able to watch."

"Promises…promises…" she laughed.

"Payback…Meredith…payback…" he teased, before kissing her again, and then finally turned holding her close to his side, as everyone began to breach the small distance and offer congratulations.

"Welcome to the family dear," Ailene said hugging them both, "my son is a very lucky man."

"What about her…" Derek smiled, "you don't think she's lucky?" he teased.

"I think, you both know it was very much about fate…bringing two soul mates together " she said with heartfelt emotion, "just like your father and I… but this time, you will have that lifetime we wanted, Derek, I know you two will see your dreams come true."

"Mom…" he started to speak, aware of the others within hearing distance, but this was his wedding day, and he didn't care who heard his heart's deepest feelings, "the bracelet," he said, holding Meredith's wrist and gently running his fingers over the bracelet destined to become a priceless family heirloom, "thank you…when I saw it on Meredith, that you shared it…that she wore it…as my sisters did."

"I've a new daughter…I meant that…she's mine to mother now."

"Mother," he laughed, "or …"

"Mothering," Kathleen interrupted, "Mer…get ready for full time harassment," and hugged her, "she knows we're kidding."

"Mothering…" Meredith murmured looking at Derek and then at his mother, as tears pooled in her eyes, "it's…something I don't know about, " and reached over and hugged Ailene Shepherd as she'd so rarely had a chance to hug her own mother, "thank you…for caring…"

"Meredith," Kathleen commented and hugged both women, "she is the best…the very best mother you could want…and now," she teased, "she can transfer all that…to you, and leave us alone for a while."

"Oh hush…you ungrateful child," Ailene laughed, "you know you love me."

"Mom…we love you…we all do," Derek said and hugged her, than his sister.

"So…we weren't wrong, were we?" he said to his sister.

"No…we were not…" Kathleen laughed.

"What are you two mumbling about, give us a chance here," Mark protested, and reached for Meredith.

"What weren't you wrong about," Cristina asked.

"We had a feeling..." Kathleen smiled, "we both did."

"We all did…" Meredith said, before she found herself in Mark's embrace.

"You look beautiful," Mark told her.

"You don't look so bad yourself," she smiled, "prettier indeed."

Derek watched the exchange between them, and heard what she said as she hugged him back and held on to him. "thank you, for being a good friend…to both of us…and for understanding how important it was for him to have his brother back."

"I feel the same way, thank you for making that possible," Mark said.

"It was you, Mark the two of you…that worked that out, not me."

"Because he loves you, Meredith, he was willing to forgive me…it wasn't until you…"

"Don't take the years of friendship for granted, she said. "You're a part of his life…and I know how much that meant to him."

"He loves you, and that is what made the difference. When we talked, when we knew…we could be brothers again, it was because of you…when I asked him what I could do…how I could help, it was me, acting as your friend that mattered to him."

"It was," she asked teary eyed, caught up in the memory of that morning when they found she was pregnant.

"It was all about you, don't ever doubt it…you are the love of his life, and truly precious to him," and kissed the top of her head as he released her.

"Shepherd," Cristina said, "are you going to allow him to monopolize your wife…not the best track record."

"Cristina, dear," Mrs. Shepherd commented, "do you need another sugar pill?"

"Mama Shep…he knows…"

"Yes dear, he does, he can trust him."

Derek approached Meredith, and Mark who had long released her from his embrace hugged his brother, both men visibly emotional. "This was the one…your once in a lifetime…thank you, for trusting me, for having me here."

"You're my brother…you had to be here," he said and each man patted the other on the back, and as their eyes met they knew the past would no longer interfere, and their childhood bond would withstand the trials of time.

"Welcome to the family, Meredith, on behalf of the in-laws," Kevin said as he kissed her cheek and hugged her. "Though you're officially a daughter, unlike us men who had to jump through hoops and," he winked at her, "there're still some "in laws" but, you'll hear about the dirty laundry soon enough," he chuckled turning to Derek. "Congratulations, I wish you both the happiness I've shared with your sister." And they exchanged a brotherly hug.

"Can't do any better than that," Derek said, smiling and turning to his sister.

"No," Kathleen said as she placed an arm around her husband's waist, and Kevin kissed her, "you cannot do any better," and looking at her mother added, "except for the kind of love Mom and Dad had."

"Still do dear," Ailene responded, melancholy clearly detected in her voice, and felt Mark's embrace immediately.

"Yang…Lex…" Mark said, "your turn to congratulate the newlyweds."

"Mer," Cristina said as she joined them, "Shepherd."

"Cristina," Meredith said softly, "surely…today…he can be Derek."

"Yes…" Cristina agreed, "he can. Derek, I may have been wrong about you…but I'm still going to keep an eye on you…she's my person."

"You were wrong about me," he said with a grin.

"Derek," Meredith said slipping her arm around his waist, "that grin…too cocky."

"Don't nag, just because you're married," Cristina joked, surprising her friend. "We have a truce…of sorts…right Derek?"

"We do…" he said hugging Meredith closer to him. "We're glad you're here."

"Ok…that _we_ thing…" Cristina smirked.

Derek laughed, "I'm glad you're here Cristina, it would not be the same without you."

"That's an understatement," she quipped, and added more seriously, "Derek…thank you…for thinking to bring us here, including me, I do know how much it's meant to Meredith."

"You're her person…I get that…you're here, and I thank you."

"Enough with the mutual admiration," Meredith said, "I'm standing right here."

"Derek," Cristina turned to him first, "congratulations," and then to her friend, "Mer, I wish you happiness…that all the sadness and crap be behind you."

"Thank you Cristina," Derek said, as he took the first step and kissed her cheek, and she acknowledged it with a nod.

"I know you can make her happy."

"I'll spend the rest of my life doing that," he said to Cristina.

Cristina admitted reluctantly, "you are truly her McDreamy."

"Cristina," Meredith teased her, "are you feeling ok?"

"Don't mention it, just a moment of weakness, with all these soft touchy feely emotions going around, "Cristina told her. "Don't expect to hear that again," and before she finished, Meredith reached out and embraced her.

"I love you Cristina, what you've said, that you're here sharing my wedding day."

"Mer…after this…no more hugging…I love you too."

"After this," Meredith said as she pulled away, "no more hugging."

Mark's looming voice carried through," seems I'm the official Grey knight. Come on Lexie, you're the last one to greet your sister," he said as he placed his hand on the small of her back and gently pushed her forward.

"Mer," she smiled, unshed tears making her dark eyes shine brighter than usual, but it was Meredith that reached out and hugged her.

"Lexie," Meredith said quietly, "you were right…that night, about Derek…"

"I knew you were meant to be together," she said as both sisters sniffled.

"My wedding day Lexie, it's so very special that you're here."

"Thanks to Derek," Lexie said, "he made it all happen," and they held each other briefly, both remembering the same night when their relationship had truly began, a night filled with doubts and pain for Meredith. The night she had believed there was no hope left for her and Derek, her sister had offered unconditional love and support, and now as they embraced, their hearts were at peace in the knowledge that unpredictable familial ties and bonds would be further strengthened throughout the rest of their lives.

"Lex," Meredith whispered, "could you feel it…Mom…and Susan…I think they know, that I'm married…that my sister is with me."

Meredith's words were Lexie's undoing as she allowed the tears to fall, "oh…Mer…I did…I felt Mom was here…and I sat there, and told her…I knew she was happy, that we're in each other's lives…as sisters."

"I believe you're right," Meredith hugged her, and felt Derek's gaze on her as she opened her eyes, and he wiped her tears.

"Hey…you two, Venice is already sinking …we don't need more water added," and had both sisters smiling.

"Derek," Lexie said, "thank you, again for bringing me here."

"Xena," he teased, "you were my only fan for a while…"

"Derek," Meredith winked at him, but Lexie did not see that, "this is the only day you're allowed to hug and kiss her."

"Mer…it was a mistake…only once, and you have to know by now, I would never...he's my brother in law…even before that…it was nothing, and you're kidding right…you know that, because…"

"Mark, do something…no rambling today…" Kathleen said suddenly, as she'd been observing him keep an eye on Lexie.

"What do you propose I do," he smiled, raising an eyebrow, and walked to Lexie and kissed her, catching everyone completely off guard, and the women's reactions registered immediately.

Cristina's mouth involuntary opened as she stared. Kathleen laughed in amusement. Ailene held back a smile. Meredith voiced her opinion. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Shutting her up, just like Kathleen asked me, and it seems to work with you and Derek."

"Well, it doesn't work with my sister."

"I think you're wrong Mer," Mark smiled, "she stopped rambling."

"Probably because she's never had someone so old kiss her," Meredith said, purposely provoking him.

"Ouch…" he said mockingly, "I like feisty."

"Oh, shut up," Meredith joked, "but…" she also warned, "do not mess with my sister."

"Yes, Xena 2," Mark teased her.

Lexie remained quiet, and was the only one whose reaction was not revealed.

"Lexie," Derek hugged her as the other conversations took place, "you can ramble all you want," and then kissed her cheek, "Mer was teasing you…she knows and trusts you."

"I do trust you," Meredith said, hugging her sister again and then kissed Derek, "both, but I don't trust Mark…so…Derek, make sure you talk to him."

"Derek…congratulations," Lexie said speaking to them both, "Mer…when Derek told me how he felt about you…what he wanted for you…I had no idea how things would turn out, but …all that's happened since then, this morning… your vows, it's the love of legends … there is no doubt about that."

"The love of legends…" Meredith smiled.

"Without a doubt…" Derek smiled.

Fifteen minutes had passed, since they'd walked toward the largest of the rooms at Palazzo Cavalli and shared their first married kiss, and received well wishes from their family, before Lucia approached.

"Congratulations Dr. Shepherd," she said, "Mrs. Shepherd," she smiled, "I wish you both much happiness, and so pleased we were able to help you with this very beautiful wedding, it was very sentimental."

"Thank you Lucia," Derek told her, "all has been perfect."

"There's still more, as you know Dr. Shepherd, and we need to move along. There is another wedding party, and we want to make sure you have photos taken here, it is a very beautiful room, and the balcony has spectacular views of the Grand Canal and the Rialto Bridge in the background."

"Lucia," Meredith said, "the music and flowers, thank you for all you did to help make this a very special moment for us."

"I only helped coordinate," she said, "it was Dr. Shepherd and his sister, and your friends."

"My friends…" Meredith looked at Derek surprised, "what…did they do…"

"Mer," Derek said before he brushed her lips, "the day is not over," and smiled, "let's have some photos taken."

Lucia guided them with the corresponding expertise of a very professional wedding planner, well used to foreigners getting married in Venice.

The large high style Venetian windows led to the balcony where the first photos of the bride and groom where taken, while the Rialto Bridge provided the renowned backdrop and the Grand Canal displayed its blue covered gondolas as well as those gently navigating the waterway.

Derek held Meredith closer to him, as she shivered when they first walked onto the balcony and felt the already warmer temperatures nearing fifty degrees, "uhmmm," he murmured, "Mrs. Shepherd, you are absolutely beautiful, I love the dress…"

"We match," she said giggling, "Derek, you look beautiful too…"

"Mer…I can't be beautiful…besides, married less than an hour and you've already found Mark to be prettier," he teased.

"Just feeding his ego, you know I have eyes for you only, and you are beautiful in all the ways that matter," she said kissing him softly while wrapping her arms around him and resting her head on his shoulder, "Derek…today, our wedding…thank you, you thought of everything."

"I wanted this day to be special for you," he said quietly, "I only wish I could have done more."

"There is nothing more I needed…you and I…together, that's all that matters, and then you made it magical…with our family here."

"I love you Meredith, and I'll keep my vow…to spend the rest of my life doing all I can to make you happy…to help make your dreams come true."

"Our dreams…" she said, "Derek…they are our dreams now."

"Yes, they are," he said and kissed her deeply, unaware the video continued to record their wedding morning, and the photographer was not the only one snapping pictures.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I won't get mad…but…"

"I don't recognize that word," he teased her.

"Did you steal a sneak at my dress before today?"

"What…why would you think that?"

"Derek…we really do match, your suit…and the tie exactly the same shade as my dress," she smiled, as she ran her finger over the lighter blue shade of the two toned silk tie.

He laughed. "No, I did not, you can thank Mark for the attire. I was in no mood for shopping but he was relentless, I think he just wanted a new suit. He told the tailor mine should be blue because it was the bride's favorite color."

Meredith giggled. "And I chose blue for you…"

"Thank God," Derek said, "he did not know you have a preference for lavender," and both joined each other in heartfelt laughter.

"You look very…very hot…and sexy…and…" she teased him, whispering the last of the sentence, as she lightly touched the delicate lily of the valley sprigs on the boutonniere he wore on the lapel of his blue suit. Then added, the tone of her voice just a bit hoarse, "and… I can't wait to see you without anything on…"

"Mer…" he joked, "wives don't tease…"

"You mean I'm supposed to become boring now…" she asked in mock innocence, "Derek… we've talked about this… married sex…and you…"

"You," he said, "are going to pay…dearly…my beautiful and enchanting tease…"

"Promise," she said.

"Slow…and…"

"Derek," she nipped his lower lip, "there will be nothing slow about…"

"What's good for the goose…" he said.

"Oh God," she giggled, "another animal for the zoo."

He responded in kind, and all turned as he roared with laughter at her comment, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you, Derek," she said and was swept in his embrace.

"Hey, you two…stop with the foreplay till you're alone."

"Mark," Lexie told him, taking hold of his arm and leading him away, "leave them alone."

Lucia had allowed them their moments of privacy, but the time factor was of the essence, and she asked that they pose for several photos and then lead the rest of the wedding guests to pose for a group photo on the balcony, and several others.

All six of their guests had their own photos to snap as each had a phone or camera to record their wedding, including their own ideas about must take photos.

"That's a beautiful background," Ailene commented regarding the view from the balcony. "Kat, Kevin let me take your photo," and then, "ok, the three musketeers from Seattle…pose for me."

"Mama Shep," Cristina protested, "we're not at Disney World, that we all have to pose for the same photos."

"Oh, be a sourpuss," Aileen told her as she met Cristina's gaze, "fine, Mark, Lexie stand there," she ordered, and noticed Lexie was not acting relaxed around him.

"Three…lighten up," Cristina told her, "you're supposed to be happy…relax, Sloan, do something, get her to smile."

"Like this," he said, and stood behind her and placed his arms around her and murmured something that made her laugh, just as the photos were snapped.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said as she stood next to her, "you're going to owe me money…"

"We'll see about that, won't we…I think you're wrong."

"Cold and calculating," Cristina remarked.

"All right, I'm here and I'm old and probably not coming back here, so Cristina take a picture of me and that backdrop as well," Ailene Shepherd joked.

"By yourself? That's not normal, you don't appear on photos by yourself."

"Fine, you come stand with me," she told her and Cristina obliged as the camera was handed to Kevin.

"God help them," Kevin whispered to his mother in law, "wily old fox indeed."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Ailene replied.

"I love you Mom, but I know you…he's doomed."

"Kathleen, tell your husband to behave," she said smiling, "he's calling me names again."

"I'm sure they are well deserved," her daughter replied.

"That's beside the point dear," she admitted.

"Ok," they heard Lucia said, "if you can all stand in the balcony we will have one shot of everyone and then move to the other area of the room for the rest of the photos. She positioned Mark, Kathleen, Kevin and Cristina in the back row, Meredith and Derek in the middle, his mom to his left, Meredith on his right with Lexie next to her and Mark behind her, and as the photo was snapped his hand had instinctively rested at Lexie's hip.

The last photos, Lucia told them were a much favored selection for couples, as she pointed to the painting by famous Venetian artist Luigi Nono, whom she said was also grandfather to a well known Italian composer of the same name. Titled "The Golden Wedding" and dating from 1909, it depicted a small village wedding celebration, with children and mothers holding infants gathering to watch the procession led by the bride and groom, followed by family and friends on the way to celebrate a golden anniversary.

"Mer," Derek whispered, as she held her close to him, "she was also wearing blue," and smiled, "and I may need a cane like he did, but, I can see us…celebrating our golden anniversary, with our children and grandchildren."

"We can recreate our own village…" she said softly, clearly emotional about his comment, "on our forty acres…"

"You tease…" he smiled, cupping her face and kissing her softly.

"No…it's fitting Derek, this painting holds a bit of our dream. Derek…don't forget those hundred years you promised, I'm holding you to them…not one year less …" she said before kissing him back, ignoring everyone around them.

"I promise…to do my best…"

"As I do…" she said and wrapped her arms around him, "I love you, with all my heart."

"My mushy and sentimental bride…" he said, eyes shining brightly.

"We agreed…it was ok…on our wedding day…"

"We agreed it was ok…anytime…" he said and kissed her softly before she interrupted.

"You'll love me even when the hair's turned white…and I'll wear it in a bun…" she murmured describing the woman in the painting.

"You'll love me even when I've got my hair covered by a hat and use a walking stick, and my shoulders aren't as straight…"

"I'll love you …always…" she said.

"For always and beyond…" he said.

"Dr. Shepherd, I'm sorry but we only have ten minutes, we need to vacate the hall for the next wedding party."

"Of course Lucia," he said, "we realize we were very lucky to have found this much time available."

"Oh, yes, it is very rare to find something so quickly, most couples reserve a year in advance, but fortunately your time was a duplicate booking and the couple actually married on the same day last month."

They completed the photographic session. Meredith and Derek sitting, then standing in front of the painting, the entire group, the ladies only and many more including the staircase, yet some of the most poignant were those randomly taken by Kathleen, Lexie and Aileen as they captured some of the most intimate first married moments between Meredith and Derek.

They were escorted to a smaller room on the main floor of the palazzo where they received their marriage certificate, before they were advised their transportation was waiting for them.

Meredith took the envelope and retrieved the document, "Derek…we're married, it's all official…and we'll have to register it at home, but…we're married…oh my God, Derek, there's an error…your mother's name…someone made an error…it says…"

"Carolyn," he stated, and four pairs of eyes turned to him.

"Yes…how could they make that mistake…I thought she signed and they had to authenticate to make it official…but…wait," she said realizing, his mother had indeed signed the certificate, "she signed…and…"

"Mom…want to explain?"

"Not really, too long a story right now…"

"Carolyn…your name is Carolyn…but you said…"

"It's both dear," her mother in law conceded, "originally, Carolyn Ailene Maloney."

"Mama Shep," Cristina spoke first, "you're holding out on us…did you commit a crime and need an alias," and Derek, Kathleen, Kevin and Mark roared with laughter.

"No dear…just that I had my ideas about what I should be called."

"I'll bet," Cristina said.

"But, you won't guess," Ailene answered with a dead pan expression.

"So…" Meredith interrupted, "what name do we use…"

"Up to you dear…you can decide later…Carolyn, Ailene…and at some point…I'd much prefer Mom."

"Mer," Mark told her, "don't pay attention to her…she's just a crazy old broad."

"I take offense to that, Mark Sloan," Ailene told him.

"Sorry…I'll drop the old," he laughed.

"Much better," she said, and her children laughed, while Meredith, Cristina and Lexie exchanged similar questioning looks.

"It's not a big deal Mer," Derek murmured, "she loves it…she'll tell you later."

"Derek…"

"Let her tell you," he laughed and kissed her.

Lucia directed them toward the narrow wooden peer, where the transport that had brought them from the hotel awaited just beyond the dock. "We're ready to go, the married couple will go first, and then we will follow."

"Ah…Lucia," Meredith said, noticing the transport was still several meters away from the dock, "doesn't it have to come a little closer to the dock?"

"Of course, Meredith, but that's not your transportation," Lucia smiled and continued to walk just as a blanket was placed in her hands. "Yours is waiting for you already."

"Just go with it," Derek murmured in her ear, and Meredith held back just a little.

"Derek…we haven't had much luck with that," she said raising an eyebrow.

"All of that is behind us," he said as he stopped to look at her, and took his scarf and wrapped it around her neck after securing the top button of her coat, and kissed her, "trust me."

"I've been doing that a long while now," she smiled upon his lips, giving in to another kiss, "but…"

"But," he chuckled, right before they reach the end of the peer.

"I didn't want to test my pole vaulting skills."

"You won't have to," he laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, "your gondola awaits…my lady…"

"My gondola," she giggled, "isn't it a chariot…or something…"

"Fine time for you to get this right," he laughed, "legends require gondolas…in Venice," and smiled as he saw the expression on her face as they were greeted by a familiar voice.

"Signorina Meredith…felicitazioni, now…it is Signora Shepherd," the gondolier exclaimed happily from his gondola.

"Derek," she turned to him and hugged him, "you …even this …is special…"

"I told you…I wanted your wedding day to be…"

"Our wedding day," she corrected him, as she reached out to caress his face, and her hand pushed back the lock of hair ruffled by the wind, "our wedding day…magical from the stroke of midnight…"

"Uhmmm…" he whispered, "engagements…and marriage suit you…all mushy and sentimental…"

"I'm just following your lead," she said placing her lips on his.

"Are you ready, Mrs. Shepherd," he said, "to embark on our journey," and locking gazes with her first and then with his lips on hers, "for a lifetime…"

"For always…Derek…" she said and he briefly deepened their kiss, and then heard a childish giggle they traced to the gondola.

"Signora," the gondolier smiled, "your husband he holds your hand, and I help you to board," he said as he extended his hand and led her on to the gondola, quickly followed by Derek.

"Signore, you are very lucky man, you have a beautiful bride…bellisima…and all happened in my gondola…so I must take you to your wedding celebration."

The childish giggles were heard again as Salvatore kissed Meredith on both cheeks, "Meredith…I wish you all the happiness, just as with my Maria."

"Salvatore," she said kissing his cheek, "grazie, this is very special…to see you this morning, on our wedding."

"But of course, when Dottore Shepherd called, I told him…my wedding gift…"

"Derek…you can't let him keep doing this…"

"Salvatore, you see…my wife…already….bossing me around," he laughed, as he extended his hand, "grazie…this means a lot to us, that you could take us to our wedding celebration," Derek said using the same words the older man had used, "and please, call me Derek."

"Derek," the older man smiled, "I was so happy…except I had to bring this silly boy along," he said pointing to the child in the gondola, as he ruffled his hair, and proceeded to argue in rapid Italian with his grandfather, "no school today and I have…what do you call it baby sit duties."

"We don't mind, Salvatore," Meredith smiled, "he is adorable."

"One of the younger ones," he said as the boy continued to speak in rapid Italian, and gesturing to what amounted to wanting to help his grandfather.

Meredith and Derek had settled in their seats and he'd placed his arm around her, and the small boy reluctantly sat down in front of them, an impish grin on his face.

"I'm Derek, and this is Meredith," he said extending his hand to the boy, which the boy took and shook firmly, again beginning to giggle.

"Say hello," his grandfather said, "you can speak English. Meredith, Derek, this is Luciano Salvatore, my grandson."

"I'm Luke," the boy said, "you kiss girls," he said and laughed.

"It's that stage," Salvatore said, as he guided the gondola away from the dock where all their guests were now waiting and waving and cheering them along.

"You'd think they weren't going to see us again in a few minutes," Derek laughed as he and Meredith went along with the merriment and waved goodbye.

"Mio nonno," Luke said proudly, and in perfect English, "he is best gondola driver in Venice."

"I think he is," Meredith smiled, "you have a wonderful grandfather."

"He's mio nonno, but my other nonno he is grandpa."

"Where is your other grandpa," Derek asked.

"He is in …" he paused and spoke rapidly in Italian, "Ireland," he said after his grandfather smiled indulgently.

"And he teaches you to speak English," Derek said.

"My daddy, he teaches me…and mommy. Why do you kiss girls?"

"Well, I only kissed one girl," Derek said and kissed Meredith on the lips, again eliciting the little boy's giggles followed by "yuck, my mommy and daddy to that."

Meredith and Derek laughed and she said, "I agree with you," she said scrunching her nose, "it's yuck…"

"What…" Derek turned to her, "my kiss is yuck…" he teased and kissed her again, as laughter filled the air.

"I love your kisses," she said upon his lips.

"Really…" Derek challenged.

"We have a young audience," she giggled.

"Always an excuse," he teased.

"Just you wait," she smiled and continued talking to the child, "Luke, how old are you?"

"I be five," he said holding up his hand, "I'm the big brother, cause my baby sister is one."

The light conversation and laughter amongst the four continued, as the gondola navigated through the canals of Venice, water gently lapping against its side, as Meredith and Derek settled into a comforting and loving embrace, on their way to the first of many celebrations of their married life.

"Derek," she said softly, and reached for his hand after he had yet again made sure the blanket covered her legs against the cold winter wind, "you've outdone yourself…and this," she whispered, "even Luke here was the perfect touch."

"That," he murmured, "I had nothing to do with."

"I know," she said, warming his hand in hers, aware of their tiny audience, "think of it as our very own ring boy, or something like that…"

"Salvatore, are you and Maria going to join us?" Derek asked.

"Derek…it is a private celebration…so we will not stay…"

"Salvatore, we'd love to have you," Meredith insisted.

"We will celebrate with you next year, remember your one year anniversary…you must be here…and you will be our guests, but today…also, she has his baby sister, my daughter and son in law they go away last night for a few days, but Maria, she made special gift for you."

"Derek," Luke said, "you live in America?"

"Yes, in a city called Seattle."

"Like New York…with big buildings?"

"Luciano," his grandfather said, "you must not say Derek, you must say Dottore Shepherd."

"It's ok Salvatore," Derek said.

"You are dottore, like my nonno," he said forgetting all about the city, "he takes care of babies, like my mommy, I'm going to be a dottore when I grows up just like my grandpa."

"What kind of dottore do you want to be," Meredith asked him.

"I oprate on people," he said, and had Meredith and Derek smiling at the word, "that means you use a special knife to cut them and make them better."

"Like a surgeon," Derek told him.

"Yes, that's the word…that's like grandpa."

"I'm a surgeon and so is Meredith."

"Are you good dottores?"

"Luke," his grandfather reprimanded, "that is rude."

"Nonno, they have to be good dottores to make people get better," the child argued.

"Yes, Luke," Meredith said, "we are good dottores, and Derek is a very good neurosurgeon."

"I'm going to oprate on brains," he said with a completely serious look, yet filled with anticipation at the prospect of his future adventure.

The three adults laughed when he spoke of operating on brains.

"It's not funny," Luke argued, "dottores do that…oprate on brains and make people better."

"We know sweetie," Meredith told him, and reached for his hand, "I think you'll be wonderful, you have very good hands for that, just like Derek, that is what he does…he operates on brains, and that's why it's called neurosurgeon."

"Wow," the little boy exclaimed, "you do…can you show me?"

"You know what, Luke," Derek told him, "we're going to be back gain next year, and I'll bring you some pictures, how's that?"

"Wow…" he said, and certain he'd found his new hero, continued to talk nonstop throughout the journey across the lagoon.

"We are almost there," Salvatore smiled at the couple so obviously in love, and they sailed across the final meters towards the hotel Cipriani, "the Giardino Antico, Antique Gardens are well known for hundreds of years," he told them, "you must also visit the Casanova Gardens, those are filled with romance," he smiled and reveled in mentioning the renowned Venetian lover, "back to the 1750's, so it is the perfect place for your wedding, not the tryst," he cautioned, "the history…the legends…the legends filled with love and romance."

Meredith and Derek became lost in each other as the gondola sailed slowly, gently as it approached the Antique Gardens, their family waiting for their arrival, "Derek," her eyes filled with tears, "my husband," she whispered reverently, "I have never loved you more…and yet my heart knows…this is merely the beginning of a love so powerful, one day, I will look back and wonder...how it was ever possible to believe…I could love you even more than this moment."

_AN 11/30 Hope the Thanksgiving weekend was great for all of you...this next chapter is a bit of fluff…I needed some fluff after the last 2 weeks of work...etc...but remember, even fluff has a purpose...warm regards, Jasmin _


	150. Chapter 150

**Ch 144 – Legends and romance…**

Her words touched him deeply, so much so he simply murmured, "your husband," and holding her close to him kissed her lips softly before he spoke. "Do you have any idea how I feel…sitting here with you in my arms," and he too said reverently, "my wife…in my arms in this beautiful place filled with legends and romance…and that you agreed, after all my mistakes…after all I have hurt you…that you agreed to be my wife…and then…your words…" he paused and swallowed past the lump of emotions that had formed in his throat as she uttered her last words to him, "that you love me…"

"Derek," she said quietly, the one word emitting a myriad of emotions, "I've made mistakes and hurt you too…but…we agreed, today…"

"We start a new life…" he finished for her, "all is forgiven."

"Yes…and Derek," she said softly, meeting his gaze, "it's not just that I love you, what I feel right now, but that I will love you more…and…"

"You…" he said, "humble me and I'm at a loss for words…my wife," he smiled, "turned sentimental and romantic before my very eyes."

"You're mocking me," she smiled as she leaned into his lips, "Derek…"

"Meredith," he mumbled, "I feel as though nothing I could ever say…can come close…to your words, today…all you have said."

"We're no competing here…they are the words of my heart…finally… free to say what I feel…what I've felt for you…and left unsaid for so long."

The giggles of a little boy were muffled as his grandfather instructed him to stay quiet, yet they too added to the magic of the day, to the stories to be told as a new tale of love and romance, the tale of a legendary couple began to unfold as the lover's conveyance glided ever slowly to the shores of age old gardens

Salvatore spoke softly, the romance in his voice carrying through the slightly windy morning, and Derek attentively pulled the blanket closer to her legs. "The hotel has seen better days, but the gardens they have been carefully maintained, and one of the few that remain from the days of the Venetian Republic, and it is a perfect place on the lagoon for the beginning of a life together full of romance and love, your very own legend, and I was there to witness it all," the gondolier spoke, "and even took the pictures of the most beautiful and romantic proposal."

"Nonno, what does it mean," Luke asked, "romance and legend?"

"That's like your nonna and me…when we hold hands and walk to church together, and we've been married many years…" the older man began to speak, clearly reminiscing, "just like we used to do when we were young, younger than Dr. Derek and Meredith."

"Nonno…and when you yell and nonna pretends to grab the pan and hit you in the head," the little boy laughed delightedly as Meredith and Derek joined in his laughter.

"A frying pan," Meredith giggled, "is that what you recommend Salvatore, if Derek gets out of line."

"Well, that may not have been the best example," he laughed, "but you know…out of the mouth of these little ones…"

"Dottore Derek," Luke said more seriously, "you will remember to bring the photos…you will not forget?"

"I will not forget Luke, when Meredith and I come back next year, I will bring you the magazines."

"Dottore Meredith, you are now the wife, and you can tell him not to forget, because my nonna, she has to always tell my nonno the same thing many times so he remembers," he said so seriously, the three adults tried not to laugh at his wise observation.

"I will remind him, but I'm sure he won't forget," Meredith assured him, and had to laugh when Luke responded, while she squeezed Derek's hand and smiled.

"That is what nonno always says," he giggled, "but nonna says…quest'uomo, never remember things he'd leave his head behind if I didn't tell him…"

"Ok...Luciano…you're making me sound like an old man that forgets all the time."

"Oh…no…nonno, you are the best remembering, I think it's nonna that just likes to tell you to remember…so she can kiss you and says silly things and you laugh."

"Uhmm, he's too observant this one…" Salvatore laughed.

"It's wonderful Salvatore," Meredith said, "Luke, I am so happy we got to meet you today. You must tell your nonna Maria we are looking forward to meeting her next year."

"I will tell her, and she said when you come back you are coming to dinner to her house, because it's important to be hospital…I forget the word," he said turning to his grandfather.

"Hospitable," Salvatore told him, a proud smile on his lips.

"Yes, that is the word, and nonno said it was for a very special couple…just like he and nonna and that he was sure when you come back…you come on the gondola again and that is the start of many…"

"That's enough Luke," Salvatore interrupted, and Meredith swore he was blushing, "you can help me now," he said as the gondola was gliding on its final approach to the dock.

"Salvatore was blushing," Derek whispered in her ear, "I can't imagine what he didn't want Luke to repeat."

The gondola reached the dock and they were met by Lucia and a member of the hotel staff welcoming them to the Cipriani and ready to lead the way to the gardens where the reception was to be held.

Luke had quickly stepped on the dock even as his grandfather cautioned him to be careful, and followed him.

"Salvatore," Derek spoke, "you have made our trip…from the first day we arrived, one we will never forget, and I cannot thank you enough for being here this morning."

"Derek," the older man spoke, "I saw the look in your eyes for her and I knew you were a lucky couple, but there was sadness …that day, it is gone now…and I see much happiness, and I am very pleased to have been able to meet you…I know you are going to have a very long happy marriage, I know these things, just like my Maria Luisa and me," and he said quietly, "I did not want Luciano to repeat I spoke of your bambini, maybe one day…we meet your bambini."

Derek extended his hand and they each found a firm handshake, "one day Salvatore…one day…I hope you will meet our children," Derek told him, "and tell Maria, Maria Luisa," he added, "is that a Spanish name?"

"Yes, her grandmother was from Spain, and named for her," Salvatore added, while he kept an eye on Luke speaking to Meredith.

"Tell her we are looking forward to meeting her."

"Luke, we will see you next year, and we will bring your magazines…but is there something else you'd like for us to bring you," she said leaning down to his level.

"Dottore Meredith, I cannot do that…my mommy and daddy they say I can't ask for things."

"But, I'm asking you…because we will want to bring you something…"

Luke seemed to be deep in thought before responding, "you can bring a doll for my baby sister…" he smiled, "and mommy can't say I asked for anything…but it will keep my baby sister quiet."

Meredith laughed, "so…I should bring something for her so she's quiet…"

"Yes…because she always wants to play with my things, so if I get the brain photos she will want to see those and she's a baby so she can't see those, but with a doll she will be busy and not want my things."

"Tell you what…Derek and I will think of something and surprise you," she smiled.

"I love surprises…" Luke said, and then very quietly, "and I like chocolate," he finished with a smile on his face.

"You know what, Luke," she smiled, "I bet when we come back we'll have chocolate," she said, "now I know you don't much care for kisses, but can I give you a kiss goodbye?"

"Oh yes, that's ok…cause you're just like a mommy," he said, and she felt a tightness in her heart as she thought of the very brief moments she'd had to think of herself in that way and reached out to hug him and then kissed his cheek.

"You're right," she said softly, "I'm just like a mommy."

"Mer," Derek said, instantly at her side once he'd heard Luke's comment.

She reached for his hand and squeezed it, "Luke, you can say good bye to Derek, and I'll make sure he doesn't forget."

"Dottore Derek," Luke said happily, "I will be waiting for the photos…and the chocolates," he added quietly.

"Chocolates, huh…you've been talking to Meredith, she likes those too," he said, "I'm sure we can bring them both," and shook Luke's hand, "I'm very glad to have met you Luke and we'll see you again next year."

"I be six next year…so I be bigger and in school," he said proudly, "but nonna will make special dinner for Sunday, so I don't have school and can see you," he said logically.

"Yes, you will," Derek said and had his arm around Meredith, when she turned to Salvatore.

"Salvatore, thank you…" she said, "you have made this trip so very special…and our wedding day…thank you…it has meant a lot to me."

"I am very happy to have been here, and I told Derek…you are a very special couple…I saw it in your eyes the day I met you…so I see you in one year…and even when he was doubting my motives," Salvatore smiled, "I knew…you'd be one of those couples that would have a lifetime of happiness…so, you make sure you don't forget about the special gift we gave the young lady, Lucia to bring to you…" he said and kissed Meredith's check, "we will see you next year…and ride that gondola again…for your forty years."

"Nothing will keep us away…Salvatore, thank you again," she said and kissed him on both cheeks, "grazie."

"God bless you both," he said, "you go now, join your guests," and then helped Luke to board the gondola and began to glide away waving goodbye as Meredith and Derek turned to join their family.

"Luke was adorable Derek," she said as they walked toward the gardens.

"Yes…are you ok?" he asked.

"Yes…he said it was ok for me to kiss him. That I was like a mommy."

"I heard," he said.

"I know…that's why you were right by my side," she stopped their walk along the water's edge and turned to wrap her arms around him, "ever my knight."

"I thought I was sharing that title now," he joked.

"I like your new title much better…" she said quietly, "my husband…"

"Uhmmm…so I lost the knight and prince charming…and…"

"No," she said, "it just includes all of those…my husband, my everything…"

"Mer…" he whispered hoarsely, "you're making it almost impossible for me to ever utter anything romantic."

"Uhmmm," she whispered seductively, "I've no doubts…you'll rise to the occasion."

"I thought you wanted to enjoy your wedding reception," he murmured as he drew her close to him.

"Of course I do…" she said.

"Then stop taunting," he laughed.

"Can't take the…"

"Oh…I can take it…but can you…" he said as he kissed the spot on her neck that he knew would make her react exactly as he expected.

"Forget the reception," she teased, "let's get out of here."

They laughed as he told her, "let's join them so we can get out of here earlier," and continued to walk, arms around each other's waist to greet their family.

"Finally," Cristina said, "you got here, did you take a slow motion tour of Venice?"

"Cristina dear," Ailene told her, "just three more hours…you can manage…"

"Three hours…" Derek and Meredith said simultaneously while the entire group laughed.

"Yes," Ailene responded, "three hours, and count yourselves lucky you're not back home where a wedding and reception would have been many hours longer than that."

"She'd never have done it," Cristina said, "she'd have convinced him to elope to Vegas."

"Derek," Meredith said as she looked around her, "you…you planned all this," she whispered overwhelmed by the details in the garden, as she squeezed his hand tightly and walked slowly towards a small round table that was set near the main table for eight.

"I can't take the credit, only that I asked Kathleen to coordinate the details after I spoke with Lucia."

"But…you spoke to her, to Lucia about this place…"

"Yes…she showed me one picture with the gardens, and I thought you'd like this…"

"It's beautiful…Derek," she said wrapping her arms around his neck, "you…you've made this so special, and I haven't done anything," he

"You married me…" he said looking deeply in her eyes, "that's all I needed…and wanted…the rest…it's only the beginning of how much I want to do for you…"

"But…Derek," she said as tears began to gather.

"No buts..." he said and kissed her softly, "and…if I can't match your words right now," he said and kissed her again, his hands tenderly cupping her face, "let me at least show you…how much I love you…how very much you mean to me…"

"You've said it with words, Derek…long before I did…" she whispered leaning in to him and kissing him deeply.

"How about you join us," Mark broke through their spellbound intimacy, "you'll have plenty of time alone later."

"What do you say…Mrs. Shepherd," Derek teased as his lips lingered on hers.

"Let's…so we can get out of here sooner…"

"I would not count on that with this bunch," he said as they walked the rest of the way, and kissed her one last time before reaching for her hand and followed her lead to the smaller round table in the garden.

"Derek," she said as they got closer, "look we have two cakes and powdered dough, do you know where they came from?"

Lucia who'd been standing at close distance approached them, "Meredith, I hope everything is ok…that you like what we were able to arrange."

"It's lovely Lucia, nothing like I ever expected, but we only chose one…where did this come from?"

"It's tradition that started in Italy in the first century, that bread or cake was broken over the brides head to ensure fertility, and that's why you have the two cakes, the one you picked," she said indicating to the two tier white cake, "and this smaller one is chocolate and a gift from the lady at the restaurant last night, and the powdered dough is another tradition and Dottore Salvatore's wife sent that. Usually there can be as many as fourteen courses in the wedding reception and this is one of those traditions….again, as a sign of fertility," she explained.

Derek put embraced Meredith, wrapping his arms around her waist and drawing her close to him, allowing her body to rest against the length of him. "That's a lovely tradition, thanks for explaining it Lucia," he said as he took in the scent of Meredith's lavender conditioner and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too…Derek," she said softly, "I'm ok."

"I'm sorry…" he said, "about these traditions…the…"

"Fertility…" she said quietly, "we know…" and paused as tears gathered in her eyes, "that's not a problem…and one day, Derek…we'll have our family."

"We will Meredith…we will," he said holding her close to him, "I love you."

Their family made their way to the round table, "this looks beautiful Lucia," Kathleen told her, "it's truly exceeds what I imagined," she said as she glanced at the round table covered in a light blue damask tablecloth with only their wedding cake, the two tiered simple confection covered in white fondant and only small springs of lavender for decoration, something Meredith had insisted be kept to a minimum, after finding most of the wedding cakes decorated too lavishly for her taste. She had accepted after much prompting from the baker that the top be decorated with fondant flowers, but when Kathleen and Derek had spoken he'd asked that something with lavender be included, and the result was the lovely and delicate placement of lily of the valley and lavender springs as decoration.

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "you had them use real flowers…it's beautiful, thank you for taking care of so many details."

"I thought it would be a nice touch…but Mer, everyone has had a bit of participation in this celebration, you'll see," she said as she walked to the couple and greeted them with a kiss on the cheek, "we hoped you'd like the color scheme, we didn't have a lot of choices, but when we saw some photos we thought you'd like this."

"It's beautiful, and the gardens …and the table and chairs…all is truly perfect," she said as she looked to the oval table set for eight, a blue damask cloth covering it with exquisite settings of crystal and porcelain dishes. The centerpiece had blue hydrangeas and white flowers with a touch of lily of the valley, and petals from both types of flowers were gracefully scattered on the table. The garden chairs, with large cushions obviously selected for comfort, each had a similar blue and white arrangement tied to its back with white satin ribbons.

After everyone greeted the newlyweds again, they were escorted to table and Lucia told Derek they could take their wedding photos before their meal was served in about twenty minutes.

"We can't very well take photos with our coats on," Meredith laughed, "Derek, we're going to freeze to death."

"Maybe I can do something to keep you warm," he whispered.

"It's about forty degrees…any ideas…" she teased, "while we have six pairs of eyes on us…not to mention staff walking around?"

"You of little faith," he said as he took of his coat and helped her with hers, and then wrapped his arms around her.

"Uhmm…" she said, "that is just a little bit warmer," she joked, while she actually shivered.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "take this shawl to walk around, you can set it aside for the photos and if you look around, there's gas heaters along the gardens, and once you sit down, you'll be fine," she pointed to the two heaters close to their table.

They spent the next twenty minutes posing for photos at various locations throughout the garden, including many with their family, and some of their favorites would find their place at the homes of each of the guests, as they would reminisce and cherish the unexpected memories and treasured moments captured on film on the beautiful Venetian morning in March.

"I'm starving," Meredith said, "no more photos unless I can eat at the same time."

"I was wondering when you'd say something," Derek told her as he nuzzled her neck.

"You're one to talk," she said, "wait…did you have breakfast this morning, because I could hardly eat anything, but your mom would not let me get away without eating something."

"I was too nervous to eat," he told her as they walked along the gardens toward their table and Meredith placed her wedding bouquet on the table by her seat. Lexie had carried it back to the hotel when she'd taken it from her hands at the wedding hall, which was a good thing, because if she hadn't, as Derek was kissing her she'd probably have let it slip to the floor.

"Really," she said, her voice softening at his admission.

"A wreck…"

"You were…" she asked, "really…"

"Completely…"

"Why…" she asked.

"I was marrying my soul mate…the only woman that gives meaning to my life…and part of me was afraid…you might change your mind."

"Derek…" she said softly, raising her hand to caress his face, "I was not going to change my mind."

"I knew that, but then Mark told me he couldn't find the rings…and I thought that was a bad sign," he said and paused, "oh my God…the rings…" he said, "I'm going to kill him."

"What…why…we have our rings…he didn't lose them…" she said.

"Not these," he said, almost seeing the humor in the situation, "another gift I had for you."

"Another gift, Derek…there was no need…"

"Of course there was, it was a wedding gift…"

"You've already given me more than …" she said, pausing as he'd done seconds earlier, "your gift…Derek…I have your gift…" she said and giggled, "we each forgot a gift."

"We're a fine pair," he said, as he looked around for Mark and Meredith looked for her sister.

"Lexie," she said, "where is she, she has my gift for you."

"I thought you already sent me a gift with Lexie," he said as they walked toward the table, "I still have that with me," he said fingering the key in his pocket.

"Not that…" she said preoccupied, "Derek where's Lexie…and where's Mark?"

"I don't know…" he said before he spotted them walking along the gardens laughing, and knew exactly the moment Meredith saw them as she tensed momentarily.

"Derek, I'm going to kill him…I will…he cannot play around with her…"

"Mer…he's not stupid…"

"You wanna bet…"

"I thought he was your knight," he tried to tease her.

"Yeah…but not hers…" she said adamantly, though if he had been looking at her face, he'd have seen the smile behind her words, "let's join them," she said and wrapped the shawl around her shoulders and they walked holding hands toward Mark and Lexie.

"So…" Mark said as they approached, "the newlyweds deign to join us mere mortals."

"What are you doing walking with my sister?"

"Showing her the gardens…"

"Be specific Mark, the gardens where Casanova made many conquests," Lexie said oblivious to her sister's thoughts.

"And…" Meredith said, "are you planning on becoming one of his conquests?"

"What…" Lexie asked in surprise, "Mer…have you been drinking…because if you have, that's not fair, it's damn freezing out here, and we should get to drink at the same time…and are you crazy, of course I'm not going to become one of his conquests. I already told you he's too old for me."

"Ah…Lexie…go easy on the ego, will you…" Mark said, earning a warning look from Derek as he raised his eyebrow at his friend's reaction.

"Mark," Derek started, "what the hell kind of bestman are you when you forgot to give me Mer's other gift?"

"What…are you talking about," he said suddenly remembering the other ring, "oh shit…you're right."

"Of course I'm right…you were not supposed to forget."

"Well, you weren't supposed to have wedding vows that lasted forever and made everyone forget everything but the sentimental romantic …mushiness between you," he said in his defense.

"Fine," Derek said, "where is it?"

"Where it's been all along," he said and without Meredith seeing what it was took the ring out of his pocket and placed it in Derek's hand.

"Lexie, where's Derek's gift?"

"On the chair, do you want it right now?"

"Yes, let's walk back to get it, Derek, I'll meet you there," she said, and Derek fully understood she wanted to speak with her sister.

"Ok...I don't know what the hell you're thinking, but I was only walking with her, I didn't do anything," Mark told Derek.

"I didn't say anything," Derek stated matter of factly.

"Yeah…but she did…Grey thinks I'm hitting on Lexie, that's ridiculous."

"Yeah, I know, you're too old," Derek taunted.

"You're not so young yourself you ass, so don't…"

"Mark, it's her sister, she's being protective."

"But I haven't done anything…"

"Keep it that way," Derek said, making a mental note to talk to Meredith about it, because there was definitely more to this than she was letting on, and had the feeling it may have something to do with certain looks exchanged earlier between her and his mother.

Cristina and Ailene were already sitting at the table after returning from the ladies room, as were Kevin and Kathleen, leaving room for Meredith and Derek at the center, with Mark and Ailene on either side.

"Derek," Meredith said as she reached his side, and Lexie handed her the gift bag, "it's something simple, but when I saw it…I thought you'd like it…"

"I wasn't expecting anything…Mer, I already told you," he said as he stood beside her and retrieved the gift, while she placed the bag on her chair and waited for his reaction as he unwrapped what looked to be an eight by eleven frame displaying an old newspaper article. His smile was instant as he read the headline and their eyes met, both twinkling in delight as she turned the frame around and he read the note she'd written and taped on the on the back of the frame.

_Let's make sure the beasts are never tamed and the passion always burns brightly…brighter than it does today, and our love is deeper with each passing year…yours for always, Meredith._

He read the message and laughed heartily, then placed the note in his pocket and the frame on his chair and quickly grabbed Meredith, swirling her around as he continued to laugh and she giggled, her arms around his neck enjoying the magic of the moment, "where…" he continued to laugh as he stopped swirling her and held her body close to his, " did you find that…" he said as he kissed her, "it's the most perfect wedding gift you could have ever found."

"What the hell did she give him," Cristina muttered, "Sloan pick it up and show us."

"Cristina," Ailene said, "Mark, don't you dare, that's a private gift."

"No, it's not," Kathleen said, "she gave it to him in front of all of us, so we can look at it, Mark pick it up."

"Oh, for goodness sakes," Ailene said, and picked up the frame and looked at it, and read the headline of the one hundred year old clipping, and as she finished, she too began to laugh, while Meredith and Derek continued to enjoy the intimacy of a very special moment.

"Mom, let me see it," Kathleen told her

"It's just an old newspaper clipping, I can't imagine what it means," Ailene said and passed it over to Kathleen. Kevin and Cristina were sitting on either side of her, and Mark and Lexie who quickly got up to stand behind her all read over her shoulders.

The article headline from 1904 read "Girl lion tamer astounds Europe," and continued on to say, young Lady Claire Elliot, the greatest tamer who ever entered a den of wild beasts, with her laugh and a love pat on the nose, tamed the beast, and the sketch showed the dainty lady sitting on a sofa while the gentle beast allowed to be petted.

"Derek," she said after she stopped giggling, in fact a low seductive voice her choice as she spoke to him, "let that be the opposite for you… never tame, my very own panther…always…ready to pounce," she whispered as they barely heard the rest of their family now joined in laughter, successfully guessing the meaning intended by her gift.

"Meredith…" he said huskily, "you give me that…and say this…and expect me to remain totally…"

"Not totally," she said, as she felt his arousal against her, "but just this once…think we better tame the beast…" she giggled as she grabbed his hand and walked away from the group allowing each other a moment of much needed intimacy and privacy.

They joked about the article while she told him that she'd found it the day they were window shopping and it had seemed like the perfect gift, which he agreed, and told her he was looking forward to living up to her expectations of never being tamed and their passion always burning brightly. "Now," he said, "get ready for the teasing, because that group is never going to let us live it down."

"I don't care," she giggled, "they are just jealous…well, not Kathleen and Kevin. Derek, are they as happy as they seem?"

"Absolutely…" he said, "of all my sisters, her marriage, I can tell you they have always been like that…always there for each other."

"I want that for us," she said as they got closer to the table, her hand in his.

"It will be that way…and better…"

"Just remember our promises…Derek…all of them…"

"I do…and we'll keep them…and remind each other…we will Meredith…we'll keep our promises."

"I love you Derek," she said wrapping her arms around him and kissing him deeply before they returned to the table to face the inevitable good humored ribbing.

"I love you Meredith, my enchanting…beautiful…teasing…wife."

AN 8DEC - you know by now the characters talk to much... so there's another chapter to complete the reception and then their honeymoon night. Trying to post the link, but it's not letting me to see the hotel gardens and her gift to him. It won't let me, feel free to email me and I will send you the links.


	151. Chapter 151

**Ch 145 – Enchanting moments**

"Uhmmm…" Meredith whispered, "I could say the same things about you."

"Mer," he muttered nuzzling her neck, as they stayed just far away enough from the table to ensure their conversation was private. "I know you haven't been drinking…so…how could you possibly think…"

"That you're enchanting…almost like that Disney movie…your proposal…our wedding…all of this…Derek, almost like a fairy tale…my prince charming,"she said, as she caressed his face.

"You saw that Disney movie…"

"Well…you seem to know about it…"

"Nieces…Mer…I bought two for them for birthday gifts."

"You never tell me these things…"

"Now, their Aunt Meredith can do their shopping…women are better at that anyway."

"Ah…Derek…you're not getting away with that…that's very sexist."

"My sisters tell me what to buy Mer," he laughed, "we can do it together."

"That's better," she said against his lips, "beautiful…not the nose so much…" she continued but was cut off by his chuckle.

"Handsome may sound a little better…" he said kissing her softly.

"Gorgeous…sexy …and dreamy…and I can't keep my hands…off you…" she said, as she kissed him back, "and I love the feel of your stubble against my hand…my face…and oh…Derek…how it feels when you…"

"Meredith…you are going to pay for every bit of teasing…dearly…slowly…"

"Ah…and a tease…always…taunting me with promises of slow…passionate…" she said and then finished by whispering seductively in his ear, "exquisite…hours…"

"These…" he groaned, "are going to be the slowest three hours of my life."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…" he said, holding her closely and looking deeply in her eyes.

"It's going to be longer than three hours…we still have to drive to your unknown secret destination," she commented before she felt his lips capturing hers, and then both smiling contentedly she led the final distance to the table.

"Decided to grace us with your presence," Kathleen teased, while she smiled and rested her head on Kevin's shoulder, "very appropriate gift Meredith."

"Derek thought so," Meredith replied just playing along.

"Uhmmm….yes," Derek said with a serious expression, "we've been talking about having a small zoo on our property."

"What…" the echoes of all the women, except Meredith were heard.

"We do have forty acres…" Meredith said without missing a beat.

"And..." Derek said, "we already know we may have bears, so why not…"

"Derek Shepherd, what the hell are you talking about," Meredith turned to him, "bears…you…you promised me…"

"Mer…" he laughed as he leaned over and kissed her, "I'm joking…there're no bears…"

"But…" she said.

"Meredith, we have six meddling nosy guests…just feeding their curiosity."

"Derek…"

"Mer…no bears…"

"Would…" Ailene started to say after clearing her throat, "you mind telling me what this talk about bears is all about?"

"Oh…God…" Derek mumbled.

"Derek Christopher," Ailene said, "stop mumbling and answer my question," she said, but was spared the explanation when Mark told the story about the bears and the fence on the property.

"You're building a house on a cliff …" his mother enunciated each word slowly, "where there is a possibility there are bears…" and immediately reached over and smacked his head, "are you out of your mind…your sisters are right Derek, you are brainless. Meredith and you…how can you possibly let him do this?"

"Well…he…Derek…he told me we'll get a fence…and there's no bears…it was just a fluke, and I didn't have to worry about it, and he wouldn't lie to me…he told me he would never do anything to jeopardize…"

"Ok…enough rambling…" Ailene said, "I'm coming out there, and Derek you damn well better be right about no bears on that property …because if there are…you're not going to be able to live there…and your sisters and my grandkids are not visiting or living in that ridiculous piece of property out in the middle of nowhere."

"See what you started…" Mark leaned over to him and laughed.

"Oh shut up," Derek laughed.

"Ailene," Meredith turned to her, "wait…is that what I should call you…you signed Carolyn…Derek said there was a story…"

"There really isn't much to tell," she responded, while everyone except Lexie, Cristina and Meredith laughed.

"It's part of her rebellious nature," Kevin said and got a look from his mother in law, "what, it's true…you know it…it was just…"

"I'm telling the story," Ailene interrupted.

"Go ahead Mom," Derek said, while Kathleen, Kevin and Mark snickered.

"What is so funny," Ailene asked.

"Just wondering if it will be the same story we last heard," Mark laughed.

"Same story…" Meredith mouthed to Derek.

"Go with it," he said.

"It's not a big deal… but there may be more than one version of the story," Ailene said, "or rather more than one fact to the story, except that when I was born I was named Carolyn Ailene Maloney. But my mother only agreed to that middle name because my father truly loved his great grandmother, and she never imagined he would register my name as Ailene Carolyn, which let me tell you, it caused plenty a fight when she got the birth certificate and forced him to change it…but he told everyone in his family that my name was Ailene, and he was not going to correct them, and she told everyone my name was Carolyn…which by the way, is my legal name. But, whenever I'm feeling sentimental and remembering my father…and my husband…who would call me Ailene, but that's for other reasons," she smiled, "though mainly he called me Irish, and he did think Ailene was the prettier name…so, you see, not that big a deal…just that these past few days…I've thought a lot of my father and all his stories and how well he and my husband got along, and I just went with Ailene when you asked me."

"Amazing," Mark muttered.

"What was that Mark Sloan?" Ailene asked him.

"You rambled…unbelievable."

"Well…"Meredith said, "I think it all makes sense."

"Thank you dear, unlike these children that try to make more out of everything."

"Mom, come on…you're not telling your cousin was also named Caroline, and you refused to use that name because you thought she was a silly spoiled brat," Kathleen reminded her.

"Well, she was…and I didn't want a similar name, but that was in the first grade …"

"Mom…you refused to use that name at the family reunion five years ago, even though everyone knows you as Carolyn, and you insisted the name and seating tags be changed," Kevin laughed.

"Kevin, whose side are you on here?"

"Yours," he laughed, "but Meredith should learn…"

"All she needs to know…" Ailene said, "is she can call whenever she wants…and I'm going to be there, whatever she needs."

"Mama Shep, you disappoint me," Cristina said, "here I thought you'd have a great story about the need for an alias, like helping someone hide a dead body…"

"Oh, I've done that," Ailene said, "but only for a few hours."

"What," Cristina said, "are you kidding me?"

"I was a navy nurse for twenty five years…we had to hide a body or two, or at least make them disappear for a few hours."

"Just when I begin to think you could be boring…" Cristina said looking at Meredith, "you rise," and both started laughing.

"You were a navy nurse," Lexie said, "no wonder you've the tenacity of a sergeant."

"That had more to do with having five kids," Ailene smiled, "and what are you two laughing about? Cristina that comment had a double meaning."

"Yes," Cristina said while Meredith gave her a warming look, "yes, it did…"

"Oh…this is definitely interesting…Yang, what is it Grey wants to keep a secret here?"

"Sloan, it had to do with …" Cristina started to say.

"Cristina," Meredith warned.

"Mer…I can be discreet. Mama Shep, we'll tell you about it when you visit."

"I hardly think I should be kept waiting," Ailene commented, "I'm old…you never know if I'll make it," she said and heard the laughter from the entire table except Meredith.

"You win," Cristina said, "you are old."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded.

"Oh, Mer, she's egging me on," Cristina shrugged, "and it's about Meredith dating two men at the same time."

Meredith interrupted, "it was not a good period in my life."

"Yes…and finally she came to her senses and stopped seeing McVet after her appendectomy," Cristina said to finalize the story.

"Meredith, who was the other man you were dating?" Ailene asked.

"Ah…well…"

"Me, Mom, she was dating me…"

"That's interesting dear…I'd never thought you'd…

"Mom," Derek interrupted, "it's a long story, we can fill you in when you visit, not today."

"Ailene, just so you know…there was never any question in my mind who I wanted to be with…and we didn't date for very long."

"Cristina," Ailene said seriously, "if you bring up one more story like that, I won't hesitate to muzzle you."

"It's ok Mom," Derek said trying to lighten the mood, "it all worked out for the best."

"Well, since this seems to be confession time…" Kathleen said, "Kev, honey, I have something to tell you."

"You're pregnant," he said, not at all upset.

"What is it with you," Kathleen said, "always jump to that conclusion. Oh my God, you lied to me…you didn't have a vasectomy, you keep saying that because you lied to me, and all of this time…how could you?"

"Kat, honey…" Kevin said, but his wife was ready for a tirade.

"You…how could you, Kevin...I can't believe you'd keep …"

"Kevin shut her up," his mother in law said, "even I'm beginning to think she's pregnant with her irrational childish comments just now."

Kevin did as him mother in law suggested and silenced her, placing his lips on hers, which she of course fought.

"Seriously, Kathleen, if we'd been having sex all this time without a vasectomy, we'd have a baseball team," he said and heard everyone's snickers.

"Shut up, all of you," Kathleen said teary eyed, "and you…why do you keep asking me that?"

"Honey…because…sometimes, you're all emotional and sentimental…just like when you've been pregnant, and because…if you were…I wouldn't be unhappy."

"Kev," she said, ignoring the fact that everyone was listening to them, "are you forgetting I'm too old for more kids…"

"Are you forgetting…what you always tell me…forties are the new thirties…and Kat, you don't look past thirties to me…" he said quietly and kissed her again.

"I love you Kevin," she said kissing him back.

"Me too Kat, don't forget it.

"Ok…now that things returned to normal," Ailene said, "why don't you go ahead and tell him what you were going to say."

"Mom knows," she whispered, a bit of humor in her voice.

"She knows what…" he asked unsure of what she meant.

"That I was pregnant," she said quietly, "on our wedding day."

"How the hell does she know that? Shit, I'm going to lose son status…and become a mere in law…it's not fair, after twenty years…you know."

"Kevin, dear…an eight pound premature baby," Ailene laughed, "you're my son in every way that matters."

"Mom…" he said, "we…we didn't plan it…it just…"

"I know…" his mother in law told him, "I was young and had those same feelings dear."

"Mom…" Derek started to say.

"Derek…surely you know your father and I…" his mother smiled, "well…let' s just say…."

"Mom…don't say," Derek finished, "you don't have to."

His mother laughed, "I guess it's true, that boys are a lot more protective of their mothers, and fathers of their girls," she said, "so…I'll have to remember that when you boys have girls thinking of boyfriends and marriage and …"

"Enough…" Kevin said, "Mom, that's nowhere near happening, right Kat?"

"That's right honey," she said and actually rolled her eyes, "we're years away from that."

"Meredith," Kevin said, "just a warning…when the Shepherds agree with you…they are just being indulgent, and it's time to worry…or pay very close attention."

"Thanks Kevin," Meredith said, "I've had a bit of that experience already."

"Since it's confession time," Derek said smiling at Meredith, but winking at Kathleen, "Kat, I should tell you what Meredith thought was your type of hotel."

"Derek!" Meredith admonished.

"Oh, this I have to hear," Kathleen laughed.

"Derek…don't you dare…" Meredith told him.

"Oh come on Mer… " he teased her, "it was funny."

"It wasn't funny when you started telling me about it," she reminded him.

"Kat," he said, ignoring her, "she was convinced, and I'm quoting her, it was one of those porny places with round beds and mirrors on the ceilings."

"Derek," Meredith just slightly raised her voice, "that is not what happened…if you're going to tell the story…tell it the way it is…Kat, it was actually as a result of his irrationality and pouting a little."

"I was not," he laughed.

"Oh…really…" Meredith challenged.

"Fine," he said, admitting she was partially right.

"Derek," she leaned over and kissed him before she told the story, "you know I'm teasing…don't you?"

"Meredith…" he smiled and kissed her softly, "yes…"

"Kat, we were flying over and I'd finally guessed it was to Venice, but Derek hadn't told me where we were stayingand he was pouting and frowning, and finally told me he was worried I would not like our hotel, and how he'd made you change reservations several times, so I told him it didn't really matter, and that …well, that's not important, but I told him if you picked it out I was sure it was fine, and of course he said…you loved this kind of hotel…" Meredith laughed, "and to tease him, I said what I did…so you see… he took that completely out of context."

"Uhmmm," Kathleen said smiling and leaned over to say something to her husband and they both laughed.

"Oh God…" Mark laughed, "it's right up your alley, round beds and mirrors."

"It's been twenty years Mark," Kathleen laughed, "we've visited one or two of those, and…well…"

Derek groaned, "You two are unbelievable…"

"You see Mom," Kevin said, "Kat was right, he's turned into a prude."

"He has not…" Meredith defended him.

"We can certainly vouch for that," Cristina said, "their escapades are bet making worthy."

"That is interesting dear," Ailene said, "must be how he got that…what is it, burger type name?"

"Burger type name?" Cristina asked.

"Yes, what he and Mark are called," she said with a purposely deadpan expression.

"McDreamy and McSteamy," Lexie laughed, "burger type names."

"I thought it was time to change the subject," Carolyn Ailene Shepherd commented.

"You're right," Mark agreed, "it's time to make a toast…but first, I think it's fair that Meredith and Derek share what that lion tamer was about."

"Not on your life Mark Sloan," Meredith laughed, "that is not …"

"Grey…come on, we all know what it means…you two are circling around each other like two wild beasts…and if were to take a bet on who's going to be doing the taming," he laughed.

"Mark, grow up," Derek told him.

"More than thirty years later," Ailene said, "and they are still acting like children."

"I bet that won't be the case tonight," Mark smirked.

"I bet that you're right," Meredith told him and everyone laughed.

"There…she admits there is to be some beast taming tonight, especially since their evening last night was shall we say…interrupted…"

"You may not know everything…" Lexie smiled at him.

"Of course I do…" he told her.

"If you say so…" Lexie smiled at him again.

"What do you think you know, that I don't know?" Mark asked.

"You just never know," Lexie said a hint of flirtatiousness in her voice.

"She's right Mark," Kathleen said, "Derek and Meredith did spend the night together."

"What is this," Derek asked, "a dissection of our personal …"

"Give up Shep, we know you haven't had sex, you both have that look…and before Mama Shep kills me with her look, let's get on with the toasts."

"Always was too smart for his own good," Ailene said, "get on with it…they don't want to be here all day."

Mark cleared his throat, "when Derek called and told me he was getting married, and that he wanted me to get Lexie and Cristina here, I thought he was absolutely insane…"

"Mark Sloan," Lexie spoke up, "that is not a very nice thing to say…it's my sister he was marrying."

"Xena," he smiled indulgently, "let me finish…I'm on her side, and I'm the bestman, so it's my turn to talk."

"Fine then," Lexie told him, as Meredith reached for Derek's hand and covered it with her own.

"I thought he was insane because there was no way I would get away with getting time off for these two interns, but…he only had to say what he felt…how he wanted to make this special for Meredith, and I knew…I would do whatever it took to help him make this a very special day …you see…in a very short period of time…not only did my brother forgive me…but I gained a sister…and just as his Mom welcomed me as family years ago…this moment…here today…is priceless," he paused, emotion evident in the tone of his voice. "Today, I'm honored, more than I can ever say that they wanted me here…and that Meredith…made me her knight…her semi knight, because that full position belongs to Derek…and that she trusted me…for a role I will never forget," he finished, and everyone knew he meant godfather.

Meredith leaned over and kissed his cheek. "You became a full knight…before I even realized I needed one, and I will never forget …and that role," she said as tears gathered, and Derek squeezed her other hand "it was and will …always be yours…"

"Thank you," Mark said, as he kissed her cheek, "whenever you need anything…I will be here….for you both," he said as he and Derek exchanged glances that spoke of lifelong friendship and affection.

"Mark," Derek said, "there was no question about you being here…or being best man. Thank you for understanding how important this was to me…after just one sentence…"

"It's time to make the first toast," Mark said, "to Meredith and Derek, that as they begin their life together, here in this city that holds special meaning to them both, will be filled with the romance and passion of legends…as they have often been labeled, and that their dreams…whatever they are today…and may be tomorrow…will always be fulfilled."

"Cheers," they all echoed as they made the first of several champagne toasts.

"Now…for a lighter toast," he joked, "let's drink to their first night together. Who'd have thought this couple would be waiting for their wedding night to consummate their marriage?."

"Indeed," Cristina agreed.

"Not according to the bets," Lexie laughed, "what was it Mark, two years?"

"They bet it would take two years to consummate their marriage?" Kevin asked. "Is that bunch there insane?"

"No," Lexie laughed, "their sexcapades are well known, just that Mark bet it would be two years before they got married."

"Not to mention," Cristina said, "the twenty three days…"

"Well, we know I lost that bet…" Mark admitted.

"What bet dear?" Ailene asked.

"How long it would take Derek to become McDreamy again," Mark told her.

"Again?" Ailene asked.

"Long story Mom," Derek said.

"But, it only took him nine days," Meredith said and kissed him.

"My turn to make a toast," Kevin said as they began to go around the table and each of their family members had something to say.

"Mer," Mark said, "I have a special request."

"I can only imagine," Meredith said.

"If you heard your civil vows properly…each of you pledges financially according to their means, and since Shep makes a shit load of money, I think not only should you go on an unlimited shopping spree while you're in Italy, but he should replace the three hundred dollar shoes he ruined when he took me to the cliff."

"Mark," Meredith teased, "you can't be so dense as to wear three hundred dollar shoes through the mud…"

"He did not tell me where he was taking me, that is the point."

"He lives in the wild…Mark," Kathleen added, "what can you expect?"

"Stay out of it…" Mark said, "just wait till you have your things ruined."

"I was smart…I brought sneakers," Kathleen smiled.

"Smart ass."

"Children," Ailene said, and almost immediately Kathleen's blackberry vibrated and she laughed as she read the email.

"Speaking of children Mom, listen to this," she said, "Kat, read this to Derek he's not picking up his text or emails and we know they are already married. We know you and Meredith spoke to Nancy, and it's not fair. You're not being very nice Derek, but we love you, tell Meredith welcome to the family."

"Care to guess who that is Mom," Kevin laughed.

"Can only be Jenna," she said, "now just send her and your sisters one of those pictures you took Kathleen and keep them quiet, tell them we will call them later."

"Mer," Lexie said, "you need to tell us about the proposal…you sent us the photo of the engagement ring, but you never told us about it."

"Oh…" Meredith said softly, "it was the most beautiful…perfect…romantic proposal you could ever imagine."

Derek whispered something in her ear that made her giggle as she mouthed yes.

"Until I realized I forgot to give her the ring," he told them.

"You did what?" Kathleen jumped.

"He forgot to give me the ring," Meredith smiled, "but he made up for it."

"Wait," Cristina said, "after all your non proposals…you forgot the ring?"

"Cristina," Meredith warned her.

"Cristina…don't make me live up to my words," Ailene told her.

"Mer," Cristina said, "Mama Shep it's funny…it's hilarious actually…he finally proposed and he forgot the ring."

"We were too busy to remember," Meredith told her, "and actually I accepted before he even proposed," she said and leaned into him to kiss him.

"You two are crazy," Mark said, "Shep how the hell did you forget the ring," he said while he started laughing, "shit, that's twice now."

"What's twice," Meredith asked.

"Never mind, you two are made for each other. He forgot the ring, and you said yes before he proposed," Mark laughed, and they all continued to tease them as they heard the entire story, including Salvatore's mention of their return to Venice which they all agreed was romance at its best and indeed the stuff of legends.

"Then," Meredith said, "he asked me to marry him…in Venice…"

"But " Derek started to say something but she interrupted him.

"And…I could only say yes…"

"I love you Meredith," Derek told her.

"I love you too," she smiled, "I learn well," she said for his ears only.

"You do love…diversion…well done."

"The rest Derek," she whispered, "the rest of that night…it's ours…memories…all of them to be cherished forever…just ours…"

"Come on guys," Lexie said, "no secrets…you have to share."

"Then…my lovely sister in law…" Derek said, and briefly told them they'd gone out to dinner and on the way back he asked her to marry him in Venice, and she had said yes and while she slept he called his Mom and Mark to make all the arrangements, and how they'd gone to Milan the next day and provided them with enough details to keep them from delving deeper for more intimate details.

"Now, Mer…" Kathleen said, "you really have to tell us how you thought of that gift, and what you gave Derek …it looked like a key that he took out during the ceremony."

"All about traditions Kathleen," Meredith began to tell he just as they started to serve their meal, and then she continued to provide some answers as they all continued to share stories related to this most unexpected wedding.

"Let me tell you," Cristina said, "when Sloan told me about this trip, I thought he was just trying to be a smart ass…"

"You do realize I'm your boss," Mark interrupted.

"Lighten up, Mark," Lexie told him, "you know it doesn't matter…here, we're family."

"Xena…she calls you Three…" he said, "and you defend her?"

"She's not so bad Mark…her bite is worse than her bark."

"That's what was missing," Meredith laughed, "my sister…with her ever present quotes."

"Don't knock it Mer," Lexie smiled, "you knew the one that was important…"

"Yes…you are right about that," she said. "Derek…did you remember that…when you chose the music today?"

"I've told you…I remember everything about you."

"Back to the present you two," Ailene told them, as they seemed to be wrapped up in each other only.

"Actually," Lexie said, "it has to do with my sister having no appreciation for Romeo and Juliet, and I believe I agree with her, and so on this very special day… as another happy couple long ago, I'll make a toast that _as night falls, their house, its occupants, and the future children of the newlyweds be blessed.**_ I wish her and Derek…all the best life has to offer, and pray that God will always bless them… and most of all, as Mark said, that her dreams, their dreams will be fulfilled."

"A Midsummer's Night Dream," Kathleen muttered, "that's why you chose the music for this morning."

"Yes," Derek said, "Meredith much prefers that story to Romeo and Juliet."

"That is truly very romantic Derek," Kathleen told him, "and the gondola…the Bridge of Sighs, you have made this a very special trip."

Kevin reached over and put his arms around Kathleen. "Honey, we need to do that…before we leave…I want nothing less than eternity with you."

"Me too Kev…me too…" she said as she leaned into him and he hugged her.

"Mark," Derek said, "this is something you'll appreciate it, not only did Mer accept before my proposal," he teased, "but little did we know her need to "mark her territory" on the flight here, would turn out to be…"

"Our reality," she said, "and don't even get me started Derek…those women were flaunting themselves at you, with me sitting right there."

"Shep…" Mark said, "what's she talking about."

"She claims the fight attendants were flirting with me…"

"Claim…Derek," Meredith told him, "you know damn well they were…and you were loving it…and when they called me Ms. Grey, I told them I was Mrs. Shepherd," she laughed, " who'd have thought it turn out to be prophetic."

"Speaking of which," Kathleen said, "Mer, when you dropped me off at the airport and we talked about this feeling…and you thinking you'd meet mom sooner than expected, seems we're all able to trust those feelings."

"Kat, no one was more shocked when I saw all of you here…and Ailene…it was just the perfect moment for us to meet."

"It certainly was sweetheart, the absolute perfect moment, which means I'll have to deal with the trio back home when we call Jenna later and give them all the pertinent details, so you need to tell us about your gift."

"Mom," Derek said.

"Derek, stop being childish," his mother said, "we all know it's related to sex, just let her tell us how she found the gift."

Meredith giggled before telling part of the story, "it's just a joke between us…the last few days it seemed several stories about animals came up…so when I saw that, I knew we'd both get a kick out of it…that's all."

"Right…" Ailene laughed, "she's a fast learner Derek…diversion tactics 101…mastered."

"Boring Mer…you're going to have to do better than that," Cristina sneered.

"Cristina dear, I'm going to enjoy your plunge into romanticism…"

"Mama Shep…won't ever happen."

"Yes dear…you're probably right, just like Mark," she said testing the waters.

"Damn right," Mark said, "I'm too practical for that…leave the romance out of it…I just don't let women know about it."

"Mark…" Lexie said, "you are not so bad…surely…there is some romance in you."

"I'm not so sure about that Lexie," Ailene said, "I think he's probably better off the way he is…one woman to the next…living up to his name…and what was that club?"

"You know about the club?" Mark asked incredulously, "how the hell do you know that?"

"Duh…" Cristina said, "she sat next to Three here…hours on end…she must know everything."

"You told her about the club?" he asked turning to Lexie.

"Mark…it's not a secret…everyone knows about it," Lexie laughed.

"Yeah…well, you don't have to be so happy about it," he said with just a slight hint of a pout. "You could have defended me…you know, I stick up for you."

"She did dear," Ailene interrupted him. "In fact, I think Xena is a bit protective of you too, and was only trying to make up for what Kathleen had said, and told me it was rather unfair," she said and changed the subject. "Now Meredith, what was the key about?"

"Where I bought Derek's gift, I mentioned it was a wedding gift for my husband," she said, and smiled at him as he did hearing her refer to him as her husband, "and the shop owner told me it was very important that the groom carry a piece of iron in his pocket on his wedding day, in order to avoid the evil that might be tempted to visit him on day of happiness. I didn't know that tradition, but they insisted it was important, and I wasn't taking any chances and told them I'd look for something, but the man's wife found that key, originally she said it probably opened a small jewel box about a couple hundred years old, but since they only had the key, she wanted to make sure I had good wedding memories of Venice and priced it very reasonably."

"The words Meredith," Derek said, "what you wrote…"

"The voice of my heart Derek" she told him again, as earlier this morning.

"As was mine Meredith," he said, "as it will always be."

The first hour and a half passed quickly as they all continued to exchange stories and laughter and when the meal was finished, the music that had remained in the background shifted to old and familiar tunes, beginning with the Clash.

"The Clash," Meredith laughed, "Derek, seriously?"

"I had nothing to do with it," he said, just as surprised.

"You expect me to believe that," she joked.

"Mer…" Kathleen spoke, "he didn't…the music for the reception… that was all of us."

"All of you..." both she and Derek said.

"Yes…Mer…" Cristina said, "we all somehow knew your taste in music."

"Come on Mer, we've got to dance," he said when he saw her face light up at a familiar tune.

"Derek…dance…you don't dance…you've said that…you don't dance in public, and this music…the selection is not…"

"Dance with me…you're my wife…you like to dance…and with you…nothing matters but you…making you happy…even dancing in public."

"Derek…it's ok…"

"Dance with me Meredith…but promise me…one special slow dance…"

"We don't even need music Derek…" she said as she got up and he led her to the small area set up for dancing, a young man nearby used a laptop to select the music that filled the air, "with you…when I'm in your arms…making love with you…it feels like a timeless dance…as we're in perfect tune with each other."

"You realize…you are doing nothing to tame the beast," he said as their guests laughed a bit at his dancing moves, but Meredith and Derek were totally engrossed with each other not even aware that Kevin and Kathleen joined them as a slow tune played and Mark escorted Ailene to the dance floor.

"I love you Meredith," Derek said as a familiar tune and voice he recognized as Andrea Bocelli drifted through the gardens, and then another song whose words made her take a deep breath made him hold her closer and whispered tenderly, "that could be our song."

"It could," she said, and he heard her sniffles and held her closer, "those words…we've said them often…these last few weeks…"

"For always…" Derek whispered first, and then as the refrain was heard again, sang softly in her ear, echoing the Josh Grobin lyrics that touched them deeply, "and for always forever, now we can fly…and for always and always we will go on beyond goodbye."

"You sang to me…" she whispered as tears escaped, "those words…Derek…they too speak what I feel in my heart."

"For always…love, you and I…our love…beyond this lifetime," he said as they held each other and as the music ended, no doubts existed, only a certainty that their love on this morning, their wedding morning had never been stronger. Yet, their hearts held a truth they shared as they looked in each other's eyes, and caught a glimpse of the depth of the other's soul, and reflected back was love found only by soul mates and promises yearning to share a once in lifetime commitment, a glimpse of dreams about to be fulfilled.

The tunes shifted to old favorites of the bride and groom, including Eurythmics' Here Comes the Rain Again, and had Meredith and Derek hearing only some words and smiling as lovers do.

"Grey, come dance with me," Mark said pulling her with him for the next slow tune.

"Mark," she said, "you've been an amazing bestman…and most wonderful friend, thank you."

"Thank you…because of you, I have my family back and I hope to be around for a long time Meredith."

"I'm counting on it…for Derek…and me…and our family."

"Count on it…" he said and kissed the top of her head as Derek who'd been dancing with Lexie came up to them.

"I'd like my wife back," Derek told him.

"I just got her…surely we can finish this dance," Mark joked as Derek didn't give him an option, "I guess not," he said and took Lexie in his arms, "Lexie…do me the honors."

Lexie batted her lashes at him mockingly. "Of course Dr. Sloan, not every day a girl gets to dance with…"

"No more joking," he said, "I'm not a manwhore today."

"Mark," Lexie said gently, "I was teasing…you've been a very good friend to my sister, even when you try to hide your emotions behind all the joking."

"You think so…" he said, "think I'm not so worthless?"

"I know you're not…I think you're a wonderful friend and how you've looked after Meredith the last several weeks, that makes you very special to me too."

"You're a good kid…Lex…you've got a good heart…don't ever lose that."

"You've got a good heart too Mark," she said, as she rested her head on him and gave in to the slow rhythm of the music and followed his lead, both of them unaware of the glances and speculation directed their way by the entire wedding party.

"Derek," Meredith said as the music slowly came to an end, "she's vulnerable, if he toys with her, I'll kill him."

"Yes…I know…but he won't. Meredith, you and Lexie are both right, he's too old for her."

"Don't tell him that Derek…that will only make it a challenge."

"Don't worry…" Derek said so very certain, yet something told her there would be more to this in months to come and she was determined to keep an eagle's eye on Mark"

They had all returned to the table and basked in the warmth provided by the proximity of the gas heaters when Lucia indicated it was time to cut the cake.

"We're getting closer to being able to leave," Derek whispered to her.

"Counting the minutes are you?"

"I've been counting the seconds all day," he laughed.

"No more waiting…Derek…we have the rest of our lives…"

"Mer…let's cut the cake and get out of here."

"Your wish is my command," she teased him.

"I'll remind you of that tonight," he murmured against her lips.

"You won't have to…" she said, kissing him softly and allowing him to deepen their kiss.

"Promises…promises…" he smiled and encircled her waist bringing her close to him, enjoying the final moments with their family as they stood ready to cut the wedding cake and the beginning of their life together.

_*Shakespeare's Midsummer Night's Dream_


	152. Chapter 152

**Ch 146 – Beyond a lifetime **

Music drifted through the gardens as familiar and romantic lyrics captured the essence of the love and commitment manifested by the newly wed couple.

"Derek," Meredith said as she was handed a silver cake knife, suddenly realizing the immensity of the last several hours, and found his gaze, "you're my husband…we're married…"

"Several hours now," he said, as much awe reflected in his eyes, though opting to tease her, "changing your mind already?"

"Not for one second," she smiled, "but then again…that's your area of expertise…"

"Never going to let me forget that…are you…just hours as a wife and you have that aspect perfected…"

"Are you suggesting…" she said quietly, "I'm going to become a nag…"

"If the shoe fits…" he smiled as he nipped at her ear lobe.

"Uhmmm…" Meredith murmured, turning her face and gently biting his lips, "you're thinking of what to wear…and here I am thinking of us completely naked…for hours…and…"

"Think you can get a rise out of me…teasing…and taunting…"

"Oh…I have no doubts…about that," she giggled, and wrapped her arms around his neck after putting the knife down on the table, "and neither should you."

"You…are trying to kill me," he chuckled, "and those vultures are never going to let us live it down…if we can't control ourselves."

"Derek," she giggled again, "that is awful, calling them vultures."

"I may have slightly exaggerated," he smiled.

"Derek," she said, her smile and gaze taunting him, "can we cut the cake…so we can get out of here?"

"Uhmmm…your wish is my command," he teased, repeating her words minutes earlier.

"We're going to end up killing each other…or at the very least needing to be hosed down," she said and his laughter echoed through the ancient gardens.

"Are the two of you going to cut that cake anytime soon," Kathleen said, "it's freezing here away from the heaters, so either get going or we can just come stand near you and be warmed by the heat the two of you are generating."

"Kathleen," her mother laughed, "leave them alone…it's their wedding day, they can take as long as they want."

"Mamma Shep," Cristina added, "I think…it's the wedding night they want…and I can't imagine they want any more delays."

"Ok…Mer…let's do this so we can shut your family up."

"My family…" she said, raising an eyebrow.

"From now on…whenever they're a pain in the ass…you can claim them."

"Derek Christopher," his mother said, "you're both stuck with us, cut the cake."

"Derek," Meredith said, the sentimental tone in her voice betraying her emotions, even before he saw the tears gathered in her eyes, "thank you…for our family."

"I hoped you'd feel that way…" he said, kissing her softly, "that you would be happy with them here."

"I love you Derek," she said simply.

"I love you…Meredith…"

"Shep…come on, stop with the whispering," Mark bellowed.

Derek picked up the knife, "Mrs. Shepherd, are you ready?"

"For the rest of our lives?"

"For the rest of our lives," he replied as he felt her hand cover his and the blade sliced through the bottom tier of their wedding cake.

"Derek," she smiled, "I can be Mrs. Shepherd if you want…I don't need to stay as Dr. Grey."

"You're my wife…that's all that matters…everyone will know you are my wife…whether you are Dr. Grey or Dr. Shepherd."

"Can I still change my mind?"

"Ah…so…my wife wants to change her mind…after she accused me…"

"Don't be an ass," she said rolling her eyes and leaning up to kiss him.

"Meredith," he said, turning more serious, "whatever you want…that's what I want."

"I want everyone in the world to know I'm your wife…and every person at the hospital to know you're all mine."

"Bossy…and possessive," he smiled, slightly cocking his head.

"But you love me…"

"No buts…I've loved you…Meredith, forever."

"Derek…we've turned into sappy sentimental married people…"

"Feels good, doesn't it?"

Meredith sighed, "it feels wonderful."

"Mer…do we cut the other cake too?"

"We should, I mean it's for good luck," she paused and looked down, fidgeting with her wedding rings, "fertility and all that…"

"Then let's…" he said lifting the knife, and leading her hand to the chocolate cake sliced the first piece and placed it on a small plate. Derek then picked up a dessert fork and brought a bit of chocolate cake to her mouth, "don't you think it's more appropriate that the first bite…of our wedding cake be chocolate?" he asked as they shared a private smile.

"Just as it started," she smiled, "a very fond memory."

"Fond memory…" he said raising his eyebrow, "that's not what you said the first time…"

"Derek…it was the night I knew I had fallen for you…" she said, "and from what I've been hearing…Shepherds change stories all the time…" she smiled.

"Ah…she catches on fast…" he laughed softly, and his hands cupped her face. "Mer, it's a trait from both sides of the family…Dad…and my grandfather."

"I'm a quick learner," she giggled, and took the fork from him and brought a piece of cake to his mouth, "can you be partial to chocolate today?"

"Absolutely," he said as he took a small bite, and then took the fork from her and brought another piece to her lips purposely leaving a trace of chocolate around her mouth. "However, I much prefer its taste when it's on you," he said and licked the small crumbs before capturing her mouth, leaving her breathless.

"Derek…it tastes much better on you too," she giggled, and he locked gazes with hers.

"Meredith," he asked with a slight seductive smile on his lip, "can we leave…do you mind? I know the family is here…and they traveled a long way…but we've spent time with them…and now… I need to be alone with you, with my wife."

"Ah…" she smiled, and turning her head she kissed the palm of the hand that still cupped her face, "you've become a rambler too," she said as she kissed him softly at first, then deepened their kiss only to hear the comments from their families reminding them they were not alone, and when Derek ended their kiss with one more brush of her lips they turned to face their audience.

"We are going to join you for cake and then leave, so the whining from the peanut gallery can stop," he joked and after the customary photos with the cake they joined their family as the celebration was slowly coming to an end, making way for the beginning of their life together, alone as husband and wife.

The easy camaraderie and banter continued as they enjoyed tasting the two cakes and the fried dough dipped in powdered sugar prepared as a wedding gift by Maria Luisa, providing yet another sentimental and romantic detail, just as her husband Salvatore had on the night of their proposal.

Ailene Shepherd stood up with a glass of champagne as most of them finished dessert, "all of you have made toasts and it's time for us to let Meredith and Derek enjoy some well deserved time alone…but first…it's my turn to wish them well."

"Mom…I haven't made a toast either," Kathleen said, "so I should go first and you can have the last word."

"As usual," they could hear several voices followed by laughter.

"A mother's prerogative Kathleen," her mother laughed, "go ahead."

"Just a few weeks ago, I traveled to see my brother…after months of neglecting us…he needed me…and…"

"Kat honey, they have been waiting a long time for tonight," Kevin said loud enough for all to hear as the light teasing continued.

"And…when I got there," she said as she walked around to stand next to Meredith and Derek, "I not only realized he had found his soul mate but that I also had a new sister, and told her she would not be just my sister in law, and she knows that, but I didn't know how quickly she would be an official member of the family," she finished and Meredith first, then Derek embraced her and expressed their gratitude.

"Derek," Kathleen smiled, "we were right…and what a wonderful feeling it was …I am so delighted to be here, as you and Meredith begin this new phase of life together, and I know there will be many more opportunities for us to be together as a family, so today, simply a toast…to my brother and his wife…to their love…the depth of which I've witnessed, and to the extraordinary life I know they will have together…to a love of legends, thank you for sharing today with us."

Meredith brought her flute to his lips before she did the same and sipped as he put his arms around her and kissed her champagne moistened lips.

"I think," Mark said, "we should all drink to the mushy and sentimental we've endured today…and that for Meredith and Derek…it will last forever."

"That was very sweet Mark," Lexie said and raised her glass to him. Kathleen and Meredith exchanged glances and smiled.

"I don't do sweet, Xena…and this can never leave this group here, it will screw up by reputation."

"Yeah…that's for sure," Cristina snickered.

"Yang…" Mark gave her a warning look.

"What…I'm agreeing with you…I've turned all huggy and sentimental too, and Lexie," she emphasized, "that better not get around Seattle Grace."

"You have?" Ailene asked, and everyone laughed at the thought of it.

"For me it is," Cristina rectified.

"Cristina," Lexie said, "my lips are sealed."

"We'll see for how long," Kathleen whispered to Meredith.

"She's my sister, Kat he can't play around with her…"

"She may enjoy it," Kathleen quipped.

"Enough you two," Ailene said, "what you're doing it's not polite…" and then smiled, "unless you're planning on sharing secrets with us," she challenged, effectively ending the tête-à-tête.

"What were you whispering about," Derek asked as he leaned down to kiss her neck.

"Tell you later."

"We won't have time to talk later," he said, gently biting her neck.

"Later than that then," she giggled.

"Has everyone finished now or have you two decided to stay another few hours?" Ailene asked.

"Mom…you're not senile," Derek joked.

"I thought that might be the answer," she quipped back, "and we will pick up from here when I visit, which you cannot take back now, even if you are going to be newlyweds. I'm coming to visit, and I've enough time to find out a lot more things from Cristina and Lexie and big mouth here," she said referring to Mark," before the girls go back to Seattle."

Meredith looked at Cristina, giving her a serious keep your mouth shut warning. "I don't talk…Mer…it's these two that are like parrots."

"Children," Kevin laughed, "let's decide that later, after Meredith and Derek leave."

"Thank you dear," his mother in law said. "Derek…Meredith…there is so much I could say, but I've already shared some of those feelings with you… and right now, I want to toast to your marriage…to the rest of your life together…to the love that is so beautifully evident," she paused and smiled. "I did not know what to expect when I got here, but I see much of what I shared with your father...and after all these years …those feelings are the same as when he was with me…and just as the dream you shared with me, that gift you gave me…I pray that God will bless you always, and that He look after you…and grace you with the fulfillment of those dreams."

Mark and Cristina exchanged glances, acknowledging that sentimental was indeed a most appropriate emotion as all of them had tears in their eyes.

Derek turned to his mother and hugged her for a very long time, "Mom…I'm sorry Dad's not here…I wish you still had your Irish," he said with a voice broken by emotion.

"He is Derek, he is here. I can feel him, but most important…I can see him, present in you."

"Mom," he said gulping back the lump in his throat, "I'll never be the man he was."

"You are Derek, you are…and you will have all the time he did not have. In my heart I know you will be there for your children and grandchildren…don't take a single moment for granted…Derek."

"I love you Mom."

"I love you son, and your father would be so proud of you, of the man I see today."

"Mom…" he said pulling back and looking at her, eyes shining with unshed tears, "I've failed so many times…"

"Meredith," his mother reached out to her and brought her close, "I am so happy to have you in our lives…and both of you …don't look back…don't take a single moment for granted…love each other as you do today…and everyday will bring you closer to your dreams."

Ailene hugged them both, "now let's get out of here so you can be off on your honeymoon, and close your mouth Meredith, I know all about tonight," she laughed.

Lucia approached Derek to let him know their transportation would be ready to take them back to the hotel in fifteen minutes.

"I'd like to thank you…each of you for being here, for making this day so special," Meredith said as she reached for Derek's hand, "and I'd like to make a toast."

"Mer, brides don't make toasts," Cristina told her.

"She absolutely can," his mother said.

"It's…"her voice quivered slightly reflecting the magnitude of her emotions, "to my husband, my strength and comfort …when I thought it was all over," she said now looking only at him and whispering so quietly for him only to hear those seven words.

"Thank you," she kissed him softly, before finishing the rest for everyone to hear, "for this the beautiful wedding…for bringing our family here…Derek…my love…my everything," her voice barely above a whisper as she continued looking into his eyes and brought her flute to his lips, and then he did the same with his ever so briefly.

"I will love you Meredith, for always…" he said softly against her lips before capturing her mouth and losing themselves in a kiss filled with promises of everlasting love.

"They seem to have no trouble remembering how to do that, but he keeps forgetting about proposals and rings…" Mark laughed, and his voice indeed reminded Derek of the ring, as he ended their kiss, more than ready to leave their family behind.

"Loud mouth here," Derek joked, "failed at this job…as he was supposed to give me the gift I have for Meredith before we left the wedding hall."

"Derek…another gift?" Meredith asked. "You've already given me…"

"How is it my fault you forgot your engagement ring," Mark retorted.

"You know that is not what I'm talking about," Derek said, "so much for being the best man!"

"Derek, don't tease him," Meredith laughed, "give him a break."

"One last toast, before we leave," Derek said, "but first like Meredith said, thank you for being here, for sharing our wedding day."

"Since we've held you two here long enough," Kevin said walking over to them and turned to Kathleen smiling and reaching for her hand, "a few more minutes won't matter, and its only appropriate that in honor of our Irish heritage, and before we have any snide comments…it is not to suck up to Mom," he winked at her, "that we make a proper Irish toast…so…Meredith and Derek, as others before me have written, May your home always be too small to hold all your friends and May there be a generation of children on the children of your children."

"Sláinte," Mark, Kevin, Kathleen and her mother responded as they sipped champagne, clearly acknowledging years of Irish customs being remembered, while Cristina and Lexie echoed, "cheers."

"I told Meredith," Derek spoke up, "on the way here that her vows today, the treasured and priceless gift of her words and feelings would never allow me to come close to matching them, but…I have to at least try," he smiled, and she slid her arm around his waist.

"You don't have to…it's just one day for me…you've been McDreamy for so long," she smiled looking up to him.

"Long before today," he began, without taking his eyes off her, "in my heart and in my soul I hoped…and longed for you to one day be my wife, for better or worse," he paused to regain control of his deeply felt emotions, "and then I asked that you marry me in this place of legends and make our life, our love …one of legends for our kids, for our future family to cherish for always."

"Oh…Derek…" she whispered, "don't make me cry again," and rested her head on his shoulder.

"When we got our wedding bands," he said smiling, giving her that look reserved exclusively for her, "we saw another ring, and I knew you liked it, and I thought…we could begin our own traditions and one day…pass it on to our first son…for his wife when our son finds his soul mate."

"You…you bought this…that day," she asked as tears threatened to overflow.

"Read the inscription," he said, touched by her sentimental reaction and she had not even seen the message, and placed the ring on her hand.

"Oh…Derek," she cried softly as a tear escaped and he captured it with his thumb, "I "love you…I love you so much."

"Do you want to wear it?" he asked her.

"Yes…yes…I only wish I could wear it all the time," she answered, "will you …"

"Yes," he said as he took the ring from her and placed it on the ring finger of her right hand, "with this ring I thee wed…with my body…I thee worship."

"You are determined to make me cry," she said and threw her arms around his neck, and cried softly. "Derek…I have loved you forever…I don't ever want to stop telling you."

"So have I Meredith, and now…" he whispered, "we'll be together …beyond a lifetime," he said repeating the words that had been inscribed.

The wedding party made the short trip across the lagoon together and when they arrived at the Danieli, Meredith and Derek were told they had about twenty minutes to gather their bags and check out before they had to leave and pick up their rental car. The banter and good humor continued during the trip and at their arrival both Kevin and Mark teased them about having about five minutes to get a head start on their honeymoon.

Meredith and Derek walked up the stairs holding hands, while she held on to her bouquet, which she'd decided not to toss, and as the rest of the group remained in the lobby. Mark had joked with Lexie and Cristina that Meredith had made a good choice as they were the only two eligible women and she was better off not getting in the middle of that argument.

When the newlyweds reached their room and the door closed behind them, Meredith immediately wrapped her arms around Derek, "Just hold me," she asked.

"Hey…" he said as he gently caressed her back, and felt her shivering, "what's wrong?"

"How…how can I ever thank you for all you've done…making this day…our wedding so very special…Derek…I love you…and it scares me that I may be living a dream and I'm going to wake up and go back…"

"Hey…enough of that…it's no dream love, it's the rest of our lives, with all the promises we've made to each other…Meredith…from now on…now matter what happens, we're in this together…all of it…and we'll be there for each other, no avoiding, no turning away…and if we forget…"

"We will always be there to remind each other," she finished for him, meeting his gaze and then finding his lips to kiss him tenderly.

"Meredith," he said as he undid the silk blue sash of her dress, "we don't have a lot of time, but I hope you know," he nuzzled her neck and kissed a spot she loved, "I loved the dress…and I love... your legs…you should wear dresses more often."

"Can you see me wearing dresses to work?" she giggled, then forgot what she'd said, as he continued to kiss her, and before she knew he'd slipped the dress off and his lips found their way from her neck to the swell of her breast.

"Uhmmm…you match…all of you in blue…" he teased her as he drew her close to him.

"Derek…I'm all for not waiting, but…"

"We're going to have someone beating down our door soon…" he laughed, "and we can't miss our ride to get our car…we need to get on the road by three thirty."

"Why?" she said as she began undoing his tie and taking the time to kiss him as each article of clothing came off.

"I don't know the roads here," he said taking a deep breath when she reached to undo his pants, "I'll do this," he laughed.

"No self control…" she teased him.

"You're going to eat those words," he teased back, grabbing her and kissing her, oce again leaving her breathless.

"I'm looking forward to it," she said, and slipped away from his arms and put on a pair of jeans and the top and sweater she'd left out for their drive to the still unknown and well guarded honeymoon destination.

Derek too had opted for jeans, and she put their wedding clothes away taking one last look around their room to make sure nothing was left behind, just as there was a soft knock on the door signaling their bags were ready to be carried to the lobby.

"Derek," she said when the door closed, and he pulled her into an embrace, "thank you, again for a beautiful trip…"

"It's not over yet."

"Thank you…for Venice," she said and kissed him softly.

"Ah…Venice…"

"We'll be back again, won't we?"

"Next year…for our anniversary…"

"We don't have to do that…you know…this was very costly."

"I'm not giving up forty years guaranteed of happiness…" he told her, "and I'm not putting a price on our happiness…or our life together."

"You really were serious…that we'll be back," she said smiling.

"Yes…Meredith," he smiled and kissed her, "and we can't disappoint Luke."

"Derek…" she smiled.

"Meredith…"

"When we come back…can we stay here…in this room."

"My mushy and sentimental bride," he teased.

"I'd like…well," she said, snuggling up to him and lowering her voice to a seductive whisper, "I'd like to create some new memories here."

"We'll stay here," he quickly agreed, "in fact, we will make our reservations before we leave."

"I love you Derek," she said hugging him close to her, one last time before leaving the room to meet their family.

"I love you…Mrs. Shepherd…truly…I adore you," he said before brushing her lips with his, and then reaching for her hand they walked out of the room where the full scope of their healing had began.

Derek handled the bill and she joined the others, enduring their teasing until he walked up to her side, and they began to say their corresponding goodbyes.

"We'll see the three of you in Seattle next week," he said, "and Kev, we expect to see you in the next couple of months, feel free to leave Kat behind."

"What," Kathleen argued, "you're dreaming. Mom and I will be along, and while you go off into the wilderness, we're going to the spa with Mer. In fact, so are Cristina and Lexie, my treat."

His mother had remained quiet, and Meredith approached her wanting to say goodbye privately, while Derek watched just a few steps away.

"Ailene…well, maybe I should start calling you Carolyn."

"Sweetheart you call me whatever you want, I really shouldn't be so stubborn, Carolyn is more the hard ass navy nurse, but I was serious…when I said Ailene tends to be the sentimental side of me."

Meredith laughed lightly, "kind of hard to think of you as Carolyn …the navy nurse."

"Don't be shy, you really wanted to say hard ass," she joked.

"You're his mother," she giggled, "and I've only me the sentimental side."

"I'll let you in on a secret," his mother said, "I'm really more like Carolyn," she said reaching for Meredith's hand, and keeping it in her grasp, and her eyes watered as she saw the bracelet on her Meredith's wrist.

Meredith squeezed her hand gently as she spoke, "You've made me sentimental and emotional…and thank you…because I've never had that…you…mothering me… today is a very happy day…and having you here makes it that much more special," she paused when she felt Derek behind her and she leaned back into him, knowing that he had heard what she said, allowing him to wrap his arm around her waist. "Not only will I spend my life with the most wonderful man in the world, that loves me… but I had you here to share and learn of my sadness…to feel your hug and feel my mom was also telling me she loved me…to have worn your bracelet full of hopes and dreams…of your Irish…and me…so unworthy…yet you made me feel so special and worthy of Derek."

Derek fought his emotions, amazed and thankful for the relationship that had developed between Meredith and his mother.

"Sweetheart, you are so very worth of him…and I am delighted and thankful I could be here for you. When he called me, he told me he wanted you to be married with family here, for this day to have family by your side Meredith, and it means the world to me to have been here."

"Mom," Derek said, "it's meant the world to us too."

"Meredith, he is my son, and I love him, but you need to know I will never take his side for that reason only. I have been praying for you and him since I first communicated with you, and I know there will be times when you will get on each other's nerves, it's part of marriage…and things get difficult, but I promise you, I promise you both…if you ever need me…either of you, to always be objective, and you will get an earful from me, whomever I think is in the wrong."

"I get the feeling," Derek said, "that as Kathleen, she will be totally biased in your favor."

"Derek Christopher, give me more credit than that," his mother said.

"I do Mom…that's why I think I'm doomed."

"Derek," Meredith joked, "you can always call Nancy, she'll take your side."

"She doesn't count Mer, she's the black sheep," he laughed, while he hugged her closer to him.

"Ailene…you are going to visit us soon" Meredith stated.

"As soon as you want company… after your honeymoon high wears off."

"That's going to be a long while Mom," he joked.

"Derek, don't be rude, she can visit anytime…well…"

"Meredith," Ailene laughed, "you're changing your mind."

"No…not at all, just thinking of the accommodations. The trailer, my frat house…"

"Oh don't worry about that, Kat's already told me we're staying at the inn, especially as I do enjoy getting a good night's sleep…unlike what the girls told me about the two of you."

"Derek," Meredith said, as she slipped out of his embrace, "they are dead, totally and completely dead…for talking that way to your mother."

"Lighten up Meredith," his mother laughed, "I know about sex, and it's not always quiet."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, obviously embarrassed.

"Remember what I said sweetheart, not one moment should be taken for granted nor wasted…and I fully expect I will live to see that dream you shared fulfilled."

"Mer," he said, "we need to go."

"Wait…the bracelet," she said extending her hand for him to unclasp it and then she turned to his mom, "it was a beautiful gift you gave me," and placed it on her wrist, "thank you for making that very special gesture …for me and for Derek."

"The moment I met you…and then after all we have shared, I knew it was yours to wear," his mother said and hugged her, and then hugged Derek.

"Get out of here so you can get on the road early, and Derek drive carefully, and you have to call me when you get there, just to make sure everything is ok, and we won't bother you the rest of the trip, but you have to let me know you got there safely."

"Yes, Mom," he agreed.

Meredith retrieved the bouquet she had placed on the coffee table while she spoke to her mother in law. "Ailene, will you do something for me…it's …it's something that would mean a lot to me."

"Meredith sweetheart, of course," she said smiling at her.

"The church we visited, there were flowers by the small chapel …would you take these and place them there…and say a prayer…and let her know… these flowers… for Brianna," the last words were spoken softly, eyes full of tears, "let our baby know these are for her…from her Mommy and Daddy."

"Oh…sweetheart," Ailene said as she brushed her own tears away, and hugged her, "yes…she will have your wedding flowers."

_AN 19DEC Thanks to all of you still reading. To each of you leaving comments, please know it truly does give inspiration to get the next chapter done, and they are so very much appreciated. There were only a handful of comments with the last chapter, and it made me wonder there's still interest in this story, but if you are, a quick comment would be great. Happy shopping… we've 6 days left for Christmas._


	153. Chapter 153

**Ch 147 – Passion…in waiting…**

Last minute farewells were exchanged with the clear understanding the family, five of whom were now lounging on the plush green and gold upholstered chairs and couch in one of the lobby's sitting areas, from the east would visit Seattle in the very near future.

Meredith and Derek left the hotel, reservations for two nights secured for their first wedding anniversary, while their family followed for the very traditional send off with confetti. Typically they may have been showered with rice as they exited a church, but theirs had not been a conventional wedding and they were showered and duly covered with colored paper confetti.

Each of their guests held small bags of the multicolored paper, but Mark had somehow managed to get a hold of a large bag and dumped it all over them, for additional good luck he'd laughed, "and be lucky it's not almonds," he'd called out after them, his booming laughter making them look back and exchanging a glance as they both noticed the same thing, Mark was solicitously wiping away the remains of confetti from Lexie's coat, followed by that on her hair.

"Derek…" Meredith said softly.

"I'll have to kill him, I know," he chuckled, "now that we're married…I have to do the killing."

"Only if he toys with her…" she smiled, "she's vulnerable Derek."

"I know," he agreed, "we'll watch out for her."

"It's strange you know," she said as they sat down on the private transport ready to take them to get their rented car. They were alone, as Lucia had left ahead of them.

"What is?"

"Thinking of looking after my sister."

"Good strange…or…" he started to say.

"It's a good feeling Derek…this family thing," she said as she rested her head on his shoulder, "it's a good feeling."

"It is," he agreed kissing the top of her head and tightening his arm around her waist.

"Derek," she murmured as she looked through the windows, as they left behind the ancient city were they had created memories to last a lifetime. "Remember when we first got here, our trip from the airport?"

"The part where I was nervous as hell about you liking the hotel?"

She giggled, "no…I thanked you for making our trip so special."

"I remember," he said and felt her right hand reach for his left and held it gently.

"I couldn't get over how beautiful that morning was, and look Derek this afternoon it looks just like when we got here, the sky is perfectly blue and the water is so clear as the sun shines over it and the buildings Derek…such detail…so old…and yet so majestic, like you said, the Queen of the Adriatic."

"It does look just as beautiful…" he agreed.

"But Derek…" she said.

"Oh no…"

"We didn't get that tour…" she laughed.

"Thank God," he said, turning his face and kissing her softly, "I thought we were going to have our first but issues…"

"It's our wedding day," she smiled and kissed him back, "no buts today…"

"We'll take that tour next year," he smiled, "it's not like we had a lot of free time."

"And…" she giggled, "you think we're going to have more time next year?"

"Maybe…" he laughed, "we'll add a day to our trip."

"I think that's a good idea…because Derek…when we come back," she smiled seductively, her voice a low throaty tone, "after our gondola ride…I'm claiming forty eight uninterrupted hours…to tame the beast."

"Uhmmm…" he mumbled, "you sure about that…"

"About the uninterrupted …"

"No…about the taming of the beast?"

She giggled as his grin broadens, "what do you think?"

He nuzzled her neck, biting her softly, "you're going to kill me," he laughed as his mouth moved to her throat.

"So are you," she said breathlessly, "we may kill each other."

"Promise…" he murmured upon her lips.

"Starting tonight…" she murmured back before kissing him softly, quickly as they both remembered they were technically not alone.

"You still have confetti everywhere," Meredith laughed, running her hand through his hair and getting rid of the colorful pieces of paper, and then brushing them off his dark grey coat.

"So do you," Derek told her as he brushed away the excess confetti on her, "but the alternative was being pelted with bags of almonds."

"What?"

"Yes…bags of candy covered almonds, that are apparently wrapped in odd numbers in mesh bags and thrown at the newlyweds."

"Derek," she looked at him laughing, "you're making that up."

"Haven't you ever been to a wedding where they have those little bags as wedding favors?"

"No," she told him.

"Come on Mer…"

"Seriously…I haven't."

"Well you haven't missed much, but they are apparently very traditional here and they actually toss them at the bride and groom."

"Derek…"

"Seriously…Mer, ask Mark when we get back."

"Ask Mark?" she laughed, "how would he know?"

"Kevin told us last night. He said if he had to endure Kathleen telling him about it, we were stuck hearing it."

"So…instead of almonds, we got confetti? Not rice…like we might have back home but confetti?"

"That's another story," he laughed.

"We have time…"

"Rice it seems is also customary here, in Italy that is, back to ancient days in Rome…"

"Derek…you sound like a wedding planner."

"Mer…believe me…I had to hear a lot of this…"

"It's cute…do tell…" she giggled, and removed his scarf, "we're going to have to shake off all this excess confetti when we get off this boat."

"Mer…" he said as he took the scarf and shook of the excess confetti to the floor.

"Derek, that's not nice, it's a mess," she told him.

"Love…believe me…they built the clean up into the cost of the planning."

"Oh my God, Derek I had not even thought about that…all of this, Lucia all you had to pay."

"Mer…that's not an issue…I'm just being practical."

"Derek…this has cost a fortune."

"Meredith…" he said kissing her softly, and then caught her off guard, "I'd give everything I own…to know I've made you happy."

"Mushy…sentimental…McDreamy," she said, attempting to tease him, but unable to keep the misty sheen of her eyes a secret from him.

"I love you…you're happy…" he said and suddenly doubts arose, "you are happy, aren't you…I mean…the tears in your eyes…you don't regret…"

"I'm very happy…" she assured him, and taking his left hand in hers brought her lips to his wedding band, "to be your wife."

"My wife," he whispered, "you are my priceless treasure."

"As you are," she said softly upon his lips, and then hugged him

"Meredith…"

"Uhmm…"

"Is there anything…anything at all…I can do to make you happier?"

"Uhmmm…other than the untamed wild beast…very very soon…"

"Other than that," he smiled.

"Nothing…nothing at all, you've given me everything the last few days."

"I would you know…whatever you want…all I need is for you to be happy."

"I am Derek…happier than I ever knew was possible."

"Mer…anytime…all you need to do is ask…"

"Derek…that goes for you too…we'll talk…you'll tell me things…you'll tell me…"

"Yes…Meredith," he said softly and held her in his embrace.

"Derek…" she said quietly, "there is something I'd like."

"Name it…" he said seriously.

"Finish telling me the story about the rice…the almonds…whatever…"

Derek laughed, "the almonds, yes…let's see…actually, it started with the rice, because the mayor of Venice banned throwing rice outside city hall last year, because the pigeons would flock there, creating a nuisance and they'd actually wait for the next couple certain they'd be getting their meals' worth."

"Derek…"

"Mer…seriously, that's happened, in fact the city has created ordinances to help with the pigeon soiling the squares, and also chipping away at monuments, including trying to ban the sale of grain to feed pigeons in St. Mark's Square," he finished almost as they had reached their destination.

"You're a good storyteller Derek," she told him as she kissed his cheek.

"I had good teachers…and don't forget what they say about the Irish…"

"What's that?"

"How can I forget," he smiled, "my wife…the quotes novice."

"Don't make fun of me…"

"The gift of gab Mer…"

"What…" she said, feigning ignorance.

"Mer…"

"What…" she smiled.

"You've heard that before…"

"We're married, aren't we…" she smiled, as they both began to laugh, "surely the best example of your…very convincing powers," and as the boat docked, they walked towards the exit to disembark.

"Derek, what have you done?"

"What do you mean," he said, as he signed the car rental agreement.

"It's a convertible, Derek, it was less than forty degrees this morning, the temperature is going to dip again soon…and you rented a convertible, are you crazy?"

"The rest of the week the weather is going to be in the sixties, and Mer…the scenery it's beautiful…trust me…it will be worth it…"

"I can see how much it's worth," she said looking at the agreement he was signing, "a Jaguar Derek…we could have just had a regular car."

"Yes…but I was in the mood for a little fun...a sports car," he told her, McDreamy's gaze staring back at her.

"Fine," she laughed, "you can have your toy, but," she teased him, "I thought your idea of fun was going to involve a lot of indoor activities."

"That's the plan…" he said and gave her a quick kiss before they were escorted to the car where their luggage had already been loaded.

"Lucia," Derek said, "thank you for everything, your planning was flawless and you made our wedding unforgettable."

"It was our pleasure Dr. Shepherd, it really was one of the most romantic weddings I've ever attended and incredibly special.

"Lucia," Meredith also added, "it was perfect thanks to you…thank you so much for all the details…and I imagine last minute changes from Derek."

"It was a pleasure for me, but Dr. Shepherd and your family were the ones making sure of all the details. I'm very pleased you will have fond memories of Venice."

"The very best, Lucia, the very best," Meredith told her.

"We will send you the wedding photos and video within the next few days, and we were going to ship the two wedding cakes as we know it's customary to freeze and eat at the anniversary but Dr. Shepherd asked if we could keep them here, that you will be back next year."

They discussed the details and she assured them the cake would indeed be preserved for them and they would have it sent over to the Danieli the following year.

"Married less than six hours and already she's falling asleep on me…" he murmured hours later as they reached the ferry that would take them across the lake.

"I wasn't sleeping…" she argued, even as she felt her eyes close again.

"It must have been that mediation tape that had light snoring sounds the last half hour…"

"Derek…"

"Yes dear," he teased her, "is this going to be our first fight."

"At least I didn't fall asleep the entire trip," she mumbled.

"Yes…" he laughed, "there is that."

"Can you tell me where we're going to spend tonight …I think I've been very patient Derek…and the scenery has been beautiful…but how much longer before we get there?"

"We're here," he said, "Lake Como."

"We've been circling the lake, this is gorgeous Derek…how did you know to come here?"

"I admit that Kathleen may have suggested it…and then a couple other people had been here…"

"What other people?"

"John and Colleen, I told you they had a house where we were going and wanted us to use it."

"They have a house here? Derek, they must have a mansion because that's what we've seen."

"A villa, as John said, at our disposal including their staff, but I just did not feel right about that, so our hotel…that was all Kathleen's doing, at least searching for it, and I agreed it would be a beautiful location for our honeymoon, though maybe next year…since it's not the height of tourism we can be a bit more adventurous and find something we like when we get here."

Meredith's laughter filled the confines of the car, "you mean it's another fancy over the top type hotel?"

"Let's see," he said, as they drove off the ferry and within minutes arrived at Villa d'Este in the small town of Cernobbio, a seventeenth century structure now a luxury hotel full of marble staircases and priceless antiques and from what Derek had seen on the website, spectacular views of the lake.

They were escorted to register, their bags already in the process of being removed from their car, when they encountered a slight mishap as they began the check in process.

"Dr. Shepherd, we've had to make a slight modification and change your room."

"I'm sorry," Derek said, "all these arrangements have been confirmed, I was very specific about my request and was assured it would not be a problem."

"Other arrangements were made," the young lady smiled, "we're sure you will be pleased, but we had no other options and had to move your accommodations to another site."

"Look, this is our honeymoon…I wanted a specific room…view, and now you're saying it's another site, another hotel?"

"Dr. Shepherd, please take a look at what we've assigned, and if there's any problems…"

"There's already a problem," Derek said, and Meredith saw the tension in him.

"Derek…let's see our room…I'm sure it's fine."

"Mer…it…I wanted …"

"Can you show us to our room," Meredith said.

"Yes…and I apologize if I was not clear, it's on our property, actually it's an upgrade, much more…" the young lady continued, "since you have your own car, we'd ask that you follow our driver, so you have it at your disposal at all times," and they were quickly led outside and they followed the driver as instructed.

"Derek… we can't stay here…this …it's …"

"Mer…short of going out to look for a hotel…we don't have much choice, and I don't want to waste time doing that."

"But…this…this is really … Derek, look at this," she said glancing toward the immensely high ceilings and the red carpeted staircase that presumably led to the second floor where they assumed the bedrooms were located, "Derek, this is not us, this is villa for more at least eight guests."

"You should have seen John and Colleen's place, it's twice this size."

"It's a little overwhelming…" she admitted, as she looked around the white marble floors with the smaller black corner tiles of the foyer and its ten feet windows facing the lake.

"We only have to use the bedroom," he teased her, "why don't we look around and pick where we want to stay, think of it as a hotel where we're the only guests," he said and reached for her hand and began the walk up the thirty plus steps.

"I suppose we could do that…and well," she said, getting in the teasing spirit, "there's lots of rooms for our …"

"More than forty eight uninterrupted hours," he finished.

"Yes…we could try out every room," she giggled as they reached the landing and then explored the four bedrooms.

"Well…" he said.

"I don't know," she giggled, "Derek have you ever seen more red and orange in your life, it's like a color explosion in these rooms…though it is a beautiful house."

"What do you say we stay in the room adjoining this one," he asked, lightly raising an eyebrow and thinking of the possibilities of the time they could spend enjoying each other in the old fashioned tub.

"I can live with that," she smiled, "it would be nice if we had a balcony too…though I think they all do."

"Let' s see," he said as he pulled her along into the bedroom on the mezzanine floor, "uhmmm…this works…" he said looking outside the doors that led to a beautiful terrace.

"Derek," she giggled, looking at the bedspread, "they really love bright colors."

"We won't really care…once we're under the covers," he smiled seductively, "will we?"

"Not if we close our eyes and forget about the orange draperies and the red carpet," she said as they both roared with laughter and he reached out to her and devoured her lips.

"Oh God," she said when they took a breath, "I'm missed you…I've missed you so much, Derek…it feels like ages…since we made love."

"Tell me about it," he said, as he captured her lips again, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you…and it's been so long…so long Derek," she said as they gave in to the hunger and weeks' old longing for each other.

Their pent up sexual craving quickly escalated and she felt his arousal against her, and reached to unzip his jeans, when he reached for her hand and stopped her.

"No…Mer…"

"What…" she asked incredulously.

"We can't….I can't…"

"Derek…are you…"

"I'm not crazy," he chuckled, "I'm not."

"This is not funny, Derek…"

"Mer…I want nothing more than to bury myself deep inside you…right now…but…I want to make love to you…I don't want to have sex tonight…to just satisfy this hunger that has been with me since the last time…this hunger eating away at us…I want to make love to you…with you…as you said…when we're together…we don't need music…it's a timeless dance…in perfect tune."

"Derek…we can do that…later…" she said, reaching for him, "let's just …" she taunted, squeezing him gently, "tame the beast…and then…we can take it as slow…as you want."

"Meredith…you're my wife…" he said, backing slightly away from her, grasping her hand and bringing it to rest against his heart, his eyes shimmering with emotion, "do you have any idea what that means to me…what it means to me that after all my shit…that you trusted me again…"

"Derek, don't," she said and placed two fingers on his lips, "we're not going back…it's a new beginning, we've learned…but…please…no going back…not tonight."

"I came so close to losing you…not just once," he said, his voice filled with emotion, and she bridged the distance between them, letting her hands rest on his hips and pulling him close to her.

"Derek…I'm here now…and I'm not going anywhere…you're stuck with me…for a lifetime…and beyond...you promised, and it's even inscribed in my ring."

"I did…so…let me…like I said…as in the timeless tradition of old wedding vows…with my body I thee worship…let me give you that tonight," he said as he kissed her softly, "let me show you what you mean to me…what it means to be worthy of your trust again."

"Derek…" she said softly, her hand caressing the day's old stubble, "I know what I mean to you…I do…because it's just as I feel for you…my husband…my soul mate…the love of my life."

"Let me give you a night of romance…a night to always remember…"

*A/N 24DEC – Had to split up the chapter as it was more than 6000 words, the limit on some boards…and this seemed the best place to stop…Happy Christmas Eve!


	154. Chapter 154

**Ch 148- Passion…untamed**

"Derek…" she said softly, her hand caressing the day's old stubble, "I know what I mean to you…I do…because it's just as I feel for you…my husband…my soul mate…the love of my life."

"Let me give you a night of romance…a night to always remember…"

"A night with you," she said raising her other hand to cup his face, and then kissed him lightly, her eyes meeting his gaze as she spoke, "can never be forgotten."

"Let me…somehow…make it up to you…it's the only way I can show you…"

"But you have…you already have…"

"Meredith…" he said, his eyes never leaving hers, and she saw a glimpse of past regrets.

"You're paying me back," she smiled, joking with him, unwilling to let him berate himself for the past.

"Meredith…no…please don't think that," he said so seriously she felt bad for teasing.

"Derek, I'm teasing you," she said and nibbled on his lips, "I know it's not payback…I know you love me…and…we can take it slow…tonight, our wedding night, the first time we make love…as slow as you want…"

"You won't be sorry," he told her.

"The second time…" she said, and kissed him deeply, then murmured seductively, "I expect the panther to be fully unleashed."

"Meredith…slow does not mean the panther is tamed," he whispered, making her laugh.

"I'm counting on that Derek…" she said, "I'm counting on that," and pushed him back lightly until the back of his legs met the side of the mattress and she fell on top of him on the bed.

"Meredith…you're not playing fair," he growled, making her giggle.

"Uhmmm…just wondering if you still want me."

"You're everything I want…everything I need…"

"So are you Derek," she said, and found his lips.

"Mer…" he laughed, "this is damn uncomfortable."

"I keep telling you," she said rubbing against him, "we can take care of that…"

"That's not what I'm talking about," he chuckled, "half my legs are off the bed," and rolled her off him before he sat up, and pulled her to a sitting position with her back resting against the headboard.

"So…" she said, "what do you want to do now…find a crossword puzzle?"

"Smart ass," he laughed, reaching for her. "It's already after seven, and I'm surprised you haven't complained about being hungry."

"I've complained," she smiled, placing her hand on his thigh and inching her fingers higher, "you're just not listening."

"I'm listening all right…" he said holding her hand, "I just have a bit more self control."

"Are you challenging me…" she taunted, raising her eyebrow, "you'll lose…"

"I bet I would," he laughed, reaching for her and quickly bringing her legs around him, and leaned in to kiss her. "Let's have dinner…a nice romantic dinner, all we need to do is call, the menu had been left in the dining room, if we can find it," he joked, thinking of the size of the villa.

"We can do that …but…" she whispered, rubbing her body more intimately with his, "who's playing with fire now…"she said referring to their current position.

"I told you," he joked, "I have more self control…"

"Really," she said, as she began stroking him, leaving him speechless, "cat got your tongue?"

His response was a throaty groan.

"I thought so," she responded in a whisper, and proceeded to tempt him, until he pulled her under him, and after that moment neither would remember, or care about self control as they tantalized the other. Their bodies were intimately molded against each other, the heat and hardness of his desire pressed against her, their moans of pleasure enticing the other, and then she breathlessly stopped to tease, "all of your favorite things," she said as she stroked and caressed him.

"You," he began, his breathing hard, and then bringing his mouth to her breast, sucking gently as she felt her entire body tingling with anticipation, "win…" he said. "I lose…" and her soft moans made him forget his resolve momentarily, "but…Mer…our wedding night," he said as her tongue teased his "let…" he took a deep breath, "me …love you…as I want to love you…"

"You are…Derek…" she said, almost making him forget his resolve, as she shifted beneath him rubbing against him, her hands squeezing the length of him, willing him to forget about waiting, "you are…"

"Mer…" he said, his eyes lost in hers, just as the doorbell rang.

"Don't," she moaned, "don't…answer…" she said as her body responded to the gentle strokes of his fingertips on her body, the light flush of her skin evident to his knowing eyes.

He took a deep breath. "Saved…" he said, his breathing labored, "by the bell."

"You…seriously…" she whispered, kissing him deeply, her fingers further ruffling his hair, pulling at the curls on the back of his neck, "want to be saved…"

"No…" he smiled against her lips, and began to pull away, "but…just think…"

She giggled, "think…are you kidding, I lost that ability a long while ago."

He laughed, "so did I Mer…so did I…"

The doorbell rang again, and he pulled himself away from her, and sat on the bed for a few seconds before getting up, "don't forget…where we left off."

"Derek…" she smiled suggestively, "that… will be hard," she teased again, "no pun intended…to forget."

"Mer…payback…"

"Promises…promises," she laughed, and his heart skipped a beat at the sound. At that moment, he knew she had forgiven him."Why don't you find our suitcases and I can unpack, while you order dinner for us."

"Let me go answer the door," he said and leaned down to kiss her softly, "any preferences?"

"For a meal you mean?"

"Yes, for dinner," he laughed, "and do you want dessert?"

"Always Derek," she said, "you know that by now, it's my favorite part of the meal."

"Uhmmm…so it is," he smiled.

He went downstairs and opened the door find a couple in their fifties with a silver ice bucket that held a bottle of champagne, neither able to disguise their amusement as they exchanged knowing looks, taking in the sight of his messed up hair and the reddish beginnings of a love bite on his neck.

The couple informed him they were on the property a few minutes away and available twenty four hours. The woman gave Derek a tour of the main floor while the man took the suitcases, knocking on Meredith's door, where Derek had indicated was their bedroom.

Derek selected their meal, and was told it would be ready in about thirty minutes, but that they should ring the kitchen extension when they wanted the meal served. The woman also let him know the beds would be turned down while they enjoyed their dinner, and once they had finished, she and her husband would retire for the evening and wait for their call for breakfast the next morning.

"Derek," Meredith called out to him when she heard him walk upstairs, "I've unpacked everything we need…are we being casual tonight?"

"Whatever you want," he told her.

She walked up to him, and put his arms around his waist, and looked up to him, "you wanted romantic…so maybe I'll wear a dress."

"Mer…not the black dress."

"You told me to bring it," she said with a questioning glance.

"Yes, but I already have this other scene in my mind," he said suggestively.

"I'll wear my wedding dress," she agreed immediately. "It's in the garment bag, so it shouldn't be too wrinkled."

"Ok…Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled, brushing her lips, "meet me in the parlor."

"Derek…" she giggled, "where's the parlor?"

"The room down the hall, with the plasma screen."

They met each other as agreed, donning their wedding attire after each had showered.

She walked in the room and their eyes met, a knowing smile on her face as he perused her body, the longing in his gaze mesmerizing.

"You're beautiful," he whispered when she walked up to him, "do you have any idea what you do to me…just watching you walk to me," and kissed her.

"Uhmmm…" was her response, "same as me watching you…devouring me…with your eyes," and she kissed him back, "we could…" she offered, "skip dinner."

"We could…" he agreed.

"We've waited so long…yes…let's…"

"I love you," he said, as he pulled back from her and smiled.

She laughed, in spite of her desire to skip dinner, she'd agree o let him set the pace for this night, "diversion…again…"

"I love you…" he said again, and kissed her lips one more time and then walked downstairs holding hands and he showed her around the main floor before heading to the kitchen, and after a brief conversation with the older couple, were told dinner would be served in five minutes.

They walked to the dining room holding hands, "Derek you already have a bottle of champagne chilling?"

"Actually, it's a gift from John and Colleen, here's the note," he said taking it out of his coat pocket and giving it to her to read.

"You haven't read it?"

"Not yet, but I do know the couple here has worked with them over ten years, and were asked by John to tend to us during our stay, which I gather has everything to do with our upgrade."

"Can they do that?"

"Apparently so… let's read the note," he said as she opened the envelope that held a copy of their message written in longhand on the hotel's stationery.

"_Dear Meredith and Derek, Lake Como is one of our favorite places. We spent our honeymoon there and would have loved to host you in our home, but…since you would not let us, the next best thing was a call to the hotel…and a request that you stay at Villa Cima, our compliments. _

_Congratulations Derek, our very best wishes to you both, and since the Irish do this better than most._

_May God be with you and bless you._

_May you see your children's children._

_May you be poor in misfortunes_

_and rich in blessings._

_May you know nothing but happiness_

_from this day forward. _

_See you in Seattle, John and Colleen."_

"Derek, I can't believe the Mulligan's generosity. This is an amazing house, I mean we had a room at the hotel but to make arrangements for us to stay here instead, they just met us."

"We should just enjoy it…you know it's because they are grateful, for Kelly."

"You saved their little girl," she said softly. "We'd do the same…wouldn't we," she questioned as her eyes misted before she lowered her gaze.

"Yes…" he said lifting her chin to meet his gaze, "whatever was in our means…if it had been our little girl."

"I love you Derek," she said and he embraced her, kissing the top of her head while his gentle touch acknowledged the depth of their mutual feelings for their very recent loss.

"Dottore Shepherd," a woman's voice called from the doorway, "we're ready to serve dinner."

"Yes, please," he said leading Meredith to the table and pulled her chair and his hand rested on her shoulder as he bent down and placed a kiss on her neck before he sat at the head of the table, the only way he could sit next to her and be close enough to look in her eyes and touch her while they were having dinner.

They'd finished their main course quickly, though they discuss the day's events neither wanted to linger and when dessert was brought out, much to the woman's horror, Derek told her they could leave, that he and Meredith would clean up the rest. She insisted they could not do that, but Derek assured her they could leave and they would call when they were ready for breakfast.

"It's like a fairy tale," she said and reached over to place her hand over his, "Derek, our entire trip, has been that way."

"Uhmmm…only fitting…to go along with our Once upon a time…" he said as he

squeezed her hand gently and brought it to his lips, "even when I acted like the toad."

Meredith got up and went to sit on his lap. "I love you Derek," she said, and wrapped her arms around his neck and held on to him tightly, a quiet sniffle escaping her.

"Hey…Mer…what's going on?" he asked as he felt her tremble.

"Just…just hold me," she whispered, as he felt her lips move softly upon his neck.

"Mer…"

"Do…do you think it will end…this fairly tale…"

"Meredith, love," he said kissing her softly, "it can't," he continued as he stroked her hair very lightly, "because we've both promised we're here for each other…beyond a lifetime…"

"For always Derek," she said, as her head rested against his shoulder and she held his hand and gently rubbed his wedding band.

"For always Meredith," he said and as she'd done, his thumb rubbed her wedding band, her ring finger also displaying her engagement ring.

The sounds of chimes rang through the air, "just like Cinderella," she smiled, "the clock chimes…"

"Ah…but it's not midnight…and we've already found each other…and actually have all night," he said taking the fork and bringing a bite of dessert to her mouth, "it's only nine."

The champagne had been poured when dessert was served, the ice bucket refilled, and he reached for his flute and brought it to her lips and after she drank, he did the same.

"Are you trying to get me drunk?"

"It's exquisite …the champagne," he responded, "as you are, but it tastes so much better on your lips," he emphasized as he brought the flute to her lips again and then he kissed her.

"Derek," she said placing her hand over his, "dance with me," her eyes never leaving his, "listen to the words," she said, eyes misty with tears as the music that had quietly filled the room caught her attention.

He lifted her gently from his lap and got up from the table still holding her hand and walked to the other side of the room, near the glass doors giving them a perfect view of the lake, the moon reflected on the water as the not so distant lights of countless homes were scattered through the mountains around the lake.

"It's a beautiful song," Derek whispered in her ear, holding her close to him, his hand caressing her back, listening to the poignant words of Andrea Bocelli and Katherine McFee, somehow perfectly conveying the emotions of the past month.

The song ended, and as another began they continued to sway to the soft romantic sounds, each murmuring words that enticed the other and made promises to be fulfilled throughout the years ahead, but would begin tonight with the first whispers between lovers about to unleash their passion.

Long after the music had seemed to end, they held each other, each kiss and caress following the perfect rhythm, the perfect dance as their bodies responded in unison. The perfect dance; the dance of lovers longing for the other. "Make love to me Derek, no more waiting…make my world stop…with you only."

"No more waiting," he agreed as the mating dance of tongues shared one last soulful kiss that expressed their every desire, and he reached for the bucket of champagne, handing her the glasses as he led her up the stairs.

"I'll be right back," she said when they reached their room.

"Mer," he groaned, "what…where…?"

"Just give me a few minutes," she smiled, and true to her word was back in about two minutes wearing a thin sheer black wrap that left him with his mouth partly open, as he stared at the pieces of her intimate apparel, very skimpy lingerie that included black stockings and a garter belt.

"You…you never wear these things," he said finally.

"No…but it seemed such a waste not to at least show you my shower gifts," she said as she walked up to him and placed her arms around his waist holding him close to her. "Now…where did we leave off…" she smiled bringing her hand to the back of his neck and brought his mouth to hers and neither would recall how much time went by before either felt a word was necessary between them.

"Somewhere along here," he murmured at some point, and his lips left her mouth to trace their way down her throat while his hand cupped her breast at the same time his lips reached the swell of her breast.

"Uhmmm," she said, having difficulty talking as his mouth and tongue continued to focus on her breasts, her entire body actually, as though it was his playground, one that was being fully rediscovered, "you have too many clothes on," and discarded the blue suit jacket he wore and followed by unbuttoning the crisp white shirt, placing kisses along his chest as each opened button allowed for more skin to be exposed, and their kisses alternated between softly placed lips on the other's body to those where the only satisfaction came from their tongues fully exploring and devouring the other's mouth entirely. Their bodies, each other's exclusive playground.

One hand tangled with her hair as the other caressed her body, and she could only feel the pleasure of his touch on her breast, her back, her midriff and as it began its slower descent.

His shirt had now joined the jacket on the floor and her lips and tongue left a trail leading to his chest, to his nipples, sucking gently and earning a satisfied moan from him, before she found his mouth again and her hands traveled to unbuckle his belt, and he stopped her. Eventually his pants would join the rest of his clothes, but before that, each continued caressing and touching the other as only lovers fully in tune with the other can do, eliciting soft, then louder moans of increasing pleasure.

Their bodies responded with delight at the sometimes gentle, sometimes rougher display of their needs, both delighting in the other's response, both increasingly aware their waiting time was almost over. Meredith relished the effect her touch had on him, as she playfully kissed and nipped her way down his chest and reached his navel, her finger tracing her way around his favorite places, and followed by her tongue traveling just enough to drive him to the edge of fulfillment, and taking a sharp breath he pulled her up to meet his mouth and just as suddenly, surprised her by lifting her in his arms, while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Don't drop me," she said in a low seductive tone.

"Uhmmm…wasn't planning on it," he responded with low hoarse voice, as he placed her gently on the bed and joined her and for a few seconds she lay against the pillows with him looking down at her, his eyes devouring her before he reached out to touch her face, "you are beautiful…never more so than tonight."

"So are you…"

"Mer…" he chuckled lightly, "we agreed…I can't be beautiful."

"You can be…to me you are…" she said her hand reaching to caress his face, brushing a lock away from his forehead and bringing her mouth to meet his.

All sense of time was gone as they traveled thoroughly through familiar territories, each wanting to bring the other the ultimate night of pleasure, as they'd spoken to each other after discovering their love once again. Each touch, each caress was an expression of the commitment they'd made not just hours earlier as they exchanged wedding vows, but one that began long ago in a trailer thousands of miles away, now about to be consummated. But now, this time, mutual words of love were exchanged for the first time to each other as their bodies were joined, and never to be forgotten.

Pausing to gaze into each other's eyes, their reflections exact in the love and passion silently communicated while their tongues joined in the eternal dance of legendary lovers finding and pleasuring one another with each touch, each whisper, each tender and loving caress, until the moment that drew infinitely closer for baser needs to be finally fulfilled.

His mouth found its way to her breasts, over and over again, and his hands added to the sensuous pleasure as they traveled her body as did hers, finding and lingering at all of the places they knew so intimately.

She reached for him, gently at first, but then with a sense of impending urgency, and he finally spoke, "Mer…don't…I…let me…"

"I don't want to wait anymore…"

"Not sure I can," he said, as she insisted by increasing the pressure and intensity of the the rhythm, "Mer…" he groaned, as she fumbled with his zipper and then, finally freeing him from his confines, Derek's entire body was tense as he fought for self control as he gently puts her hand aside, "don't…not yet…"

"Derek," she pleaded, reaching for him again, "please…I want you…need you so much…"

"Mer…" he groaned again, "we've waited so long…don't…" he said as he captured both her hands, "not yet…or it will be over before we begin."

"I don't want to wait…Derek, I want to feel you…"

"Let me show you…there's still so much more…let me love you...every inch of you…"

"Derek," she moaned, "I know…" she gasped as she first felt his hands on her inner thigh caressing her, higher and higher until he reached the front clasp, then the back of the garter belt and released the stocking, then his mouth trailed kisses from her thigh down her leg in the wake of his fingers rolling down the stocking until he removed it, and then did the same with her left leg, nipping at her gently, playfully and Meredith not wanting to wait any longer reached for his face and raised it to meet her gaze.

"I want to feel you," she spoke, her lips inches away from his, "inside me…" she moaned, as his hands continued to trace their way up and down her thighs, "now…Derek…I want you inside me…" she said breathlessly, "now…"

"Your wish…my lady," he said as he did exactly as she asked, and within seconds felt her familiar spasms, her body reacting to the presence of his fingers, until she cried out with pleasure, and then smiling at her, he captured her mouth and began teasing her with his tongue.

"Derek," she said, catching her breath, "that is not what I meant…"

"Are you complaining…" he said as he began exploring her body all over again.

"No…" she admitted, moaning softly, "but you have a lot more willpower than I do…"

"Told you," he chuckled, "no self control."

"I told you," she said, caressing the length of him, "I'd win…" and squeezing him with her hand started the rhythm she knew pleased him so well, set out to prove who had more self control.

"Wait…" he said, once he was able to speak, his breaths labored, "reach in the drawer…"

"Not tonight…Derek…not tonight," she said as she held him, now just a light reverent touch.

"Meredith…we can't…we need…it's too soon…after….you can't take a chance…"

"I won't get pregnant Derek. Tonight…I want to feel you…just you…nothing between us."

"Mer…it's…"

"Now…Derek…"she said arching her hips toward him, against him, aching for him, needing him desperately as he muttered unintelligible things, and she brought him near to her, and as their eyes met he was totally lost in the depth of the grey green eyes he adored, and without any further delay he complied with her wish and using all of his self control fought the increasing urge to just bury himself inside of her. Her recent miscarriage was not far from his mind, and afraid of hurting her, he slowly and gently penetrated her moistness and heard her intake of breath, "Derek…" she moaned softly, the look of ecstasy on her face, as he remained motionless, momentarily allowing her to adjust to his length,

"Meredith," he said in a harsh whisper, "you…you're all I ever need."

"I…" she began to say, feeling him deep inside her, as their gazes locked, "love you."

He fought to remain in control, as her words almost shattered his resolve, "I …" he said, his breath labored, "I adore you…" and then reverently, "Meredith…my wife."

"Oh…Derek," she barely whimpered, closing her eyes briefly, emotion overwhelming her.

"Mer…are you ok…love?" he asked with concern as she closed her eyes, thinking about their recent loss and the physical effect it could have on her body.

"I'm perfect," she whispered meeting his gaze, and he caught a glimpse of her soul, "just perfect…my love…for always."

"My soul mate…beyond a lifetime," he said with equal emotion.

Her hands caressed his back and her lips found his, "love me Derek…" she said, and gently contracting she squeezed him, "please…" she urged as her tongue played with his, "don't hold back."

Those were the only words he needed as they began the timeless ritual of two bodies joined as one, finding the perfect rhythm, the perfect fit as their movements rose to its inevitable crescendo. His groans, her moans no longer quiet, further increasing their long unfulfilled desires until his control no longer mattered and seconds before his release, they each whispered I love you, adding to the poignancy of their first time making love as husband and wife, and the sounds of her pleasure echoed through the room as he looked deep into her eyes and witnessed the ecstasy of her surrender, and she his as their love was consummated and their mutual ecstasy sealed what was undoubtedly a love of legends.

Neither knew how much time elapsed as they lay in each other's arms, his body still joined with hers, and as he attempted to leave her, her body reacted by contracting gently and holding him within her, "don't …" she whispered, "stay inside me."

"I love you," he said, their bodies still joined as one.

"I love you Derek…I love you so much," she said and he noticed the tears in her eyes.

"Mer…what's wrong…you're crying…did I hurt you?" he said, gently caressing her, cupping her face with both hands, he kissed her, "Meredith…love…"

"I'm…it's …"

"What is it?" he asked with concern.

"It's…the first time…we've made love…since…"

"Ah…since we're married," he smiled, choosing to mention the marriage.

"No," she said, the soft sound of tears in her voice, "the first time we've both said I've love you…like this…with you inside me."

Her words were like an aphrodisiac, combined with the gentle squeeze, then stronger contracting of her body, he felt new desire as he began to harden, and as the minutes on the nearby clock filled the silence of the night, they began a new dance, words and music unnecessary as lovers found their soul mates and once again pleasured each other.

They lay in each other's arms, sated, knowing the fulfillment of their passion had barely begun as once again an ancient clock chimed on the half hour. Midnight, and a new day were merely thirty minutes away, and he held her until her breathing indicated she was giving in to sleep, and gently pulled away from her naked body and covered her. He returned shortly and brought a damp warm cloth and though he tried not to wake her, their gazes locked as he gently wiped away the traces of their lovemaking.

Hours later, sometime in the middle of the night, he'd awakened wrapped in each other's arms, and without waking her rose from bed and walked to the terrace doors and opened the drapes allowing the moon to illuminate the room. He was not aware she'd awakened as well until she walked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. Once again their bodies reacted instinctively to the undeniable passion between them and made love, leisurely at first then fully unleashing the beasts until they were exhausted.

"Satisfied," he said, smiling at her, nipping at her lips as they lay in each other's arms, "that the panther could rise to the occasion?"

"I never had any doubts…" she giggled.

"Well…right now…I have some doubts," he laughed.

"You do…" she teased, as she brought her naked body close to his and her hand began caressing his face, slowly working its way down his neck to his chest, followed by soft kisses turned to biting kisses while her other hand reached for him and proved him wrong.

"Mer," he mumbled, sucking in his breath, "honey…I don't want to hurt you…it's soon…not sure if you still need to heal… and we have all the time…"

"Derek," she whispered against his mouth, "I've missed you…so much…"

"I've missed you too…" he said and kissed her deeply, "and we have the rest of our lives."

"I want you Derek," she murmured, her face barely apart from his, "I'm ok…we can take it…" she said finding his mouth, "slow…" nipping at his lips, "very slow…" she finished as she devoured his mouth, seconds before she lay on top of him.

"Meredith…"

"My turn…" she silenced him with her lips, "with my body…I thee worship…" she whispered, later followed by the sounds of their mutual surrender echoing through the silence of the most beautiful and perfect night in March.

"Mer…" he said as they lay panting, "I think the beasts have been fully unleashed."

"But," she laughed, and he delighted in the sound he'd missed for so long, "never tamed…ever…"

"Never…" he said joining in her laughter, "ever…" and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you," they both whispered, their faces inches away from the other.

"Maybe," she smiled, leaning in to him, "we can get some sleep…"

"Whatever for," he teased, as his hand softly caressed her face.

"So we can start all over again," she said brushing his lips.

"Uhmmm," he moaned, "maybe an hour."

"I think," she giggled, "a couple of hours may do…" and their laughter echoed through the room as their bodies instinctively curled into each other, the moon the only witness to the smiles of fulfillment on their faces.

_A/N 28DEC Thank you all for your wonderful comments after Ch 146 -Beyond a Lifetime … they truly inspired me to think ahead to the story I've planned to continue writing. Your comments mean so very much. I've responded to everyone that has commented either in November or December...unless there was no link to email or PM._

_Have a wonderful 2009, warm regards, Jasmin_


	155. Chapter 155

**Ch 149 – Another Thursday morning**

The moon's reflection on the lake turned golden as the surrounding mountains welcomed the rays of the risen sun, two lovers entwined, oblivious to time as the clock chimed the morning's welcome.

The light glare reflected off the double paned glass doors, as Meredith snuggled closer in Derek's embrace, and slowly she became aware morning had dawned. His arms instinctively wrapped even tighter around her and as he felt her shift slightly, his legs hugged hers closer, and she placed a soft kiss on his chin, the feel of this stubble making her smile as she thought of the different times the night before she'd felt the familiar prickly sensation on her body.

Derek was sleeping soundly on his back, her head resting on his chest where she could clearly see the bright flowers on the terrace basking in the warmth of the first rays of sun as the drops of dew disappeared, just as similarly, her doubts disappeared as she now basked in the knowledge that he loved her, unconditionally.

Meredith was still trying to get used to this new emotion, of being loved, of their love, their commitment. This man, that loved her she thought. Her husband, she smiled as she watched him sleep, for the first time in what seemed like months, heaviness absent from his heart, and she could feel in his breathing the peace that had settled within him, because, she too felt the same. Derek had made sure the last few weeks and most certainly last night to not only show her, with every touch, but tell her with every word he murmured that she was and always would be the love of his life, and all he would ever need to be happy.

Now, she had to find the way to make him feel the same way. For always, she thought as she tenderly caressed the hand that now lay softly on her stomach and her fingers gently touched his wedding band. She wondered what he was going to feel when he read the inscription she'd chosen, as neither had removed their wedding band. Last night, Derek had asked for her to let him love her, and give her a night of romance, but it had been so much more than that, it has transcended all they'd ever experienced before. Last night, their wedding night, she smiled through the misty film in her eyes, they'd bared each other's heart and soul and all of those emotions manifested themselves in the most loving and sensual physical expressions of their love.

Meredith softly placed her lips on his and gently pulled her naked body away from his embrace, then disentangled her legs from his and without disturbing him slipped out of bed and covered his body with the down comforter.

She moved quietly around the room and considered closing the drapes, but thought better of it. He'd risen to let the moonlight in last night, and he'd enjoy welcoming the first morning of their married life, Derek she thought smiling would think of and notice things like that, and she picked up their discarded clothing from the floor and went downstairs.

"Good morning love," he felt the quiet words upon his lips, and smiled.

"Good morning," he replied, slowly opening his eyes, "Mrs. Shepherd."

"I love you Derek," she said as she leaned in and kissed him again.

"Haven't brushed my teeth yet," he said holding back, while gently caressing her cheek.

"Nor shaved," she said stroking the stubble on his face, her fingers lifting his chin as she brushed his lips again, "but…I love you anyway."

"Uhmmm…" he said, "really…"

"Well…" she smiled, "I'm stuck with you anyway…might as well…"

"Stuck with me…" he said with a feigned pout.

"Derek…" she smiled.

"Meredith…" he said, his hand reaching for hers, their fingers laced.

"I adore you…" she said and captured his mouth.

"Uhmmm…diversion…"

"Well," she said, as she sat on the edge of the bed facing him, her left hand lying on his chest, "I have good news and bad news…"

"Mer…" he said more seriously, "what's wrong…are you ok?"

"I brought you coffee…" she said pointing to the tray on the nightstand, attempting to conceal her amusement.

"Ok…" he said as he noticed two cups, a glass of orange juice and two bowls.

"But…"

"Mer…"

"I may have burned down part of the kitchen…attempting to make you breakfast."

"Oh my God," he said sitting up quickly on the bed, "you didn't."

"You could at least be all husband like…and ask if I'm all right," she said, averting her gaze to keep him from guessing her mischief, just yet.

"Meredith, I already did that, but seriously…what happened…you didn't have to cook, all we had to do was call..." he said as he ran his hands through his hair and attempted to get up from the bed.

She laid her hands on his chest, pushing him back softly, "you of little faith…" she giggled, and kissed him and handed him a cup of coffee.

"You…" he said, in between sipping his coffee and her kisses, "you…tease…"

"I thought…" she smiled, "you liked…your teasing…wife…"

"I liked her very much," he laughed, "last night…"

"But," she giggled, "not this morning."

"Well…you are wearing a lot more clothing than last night," he said, as he raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Uhmmm…" she replied, "not really…"

"Mer," he said, as he placed the cup back on the nightstand, and reached for the loose knot of the white linen robe she wore and pulled her closer, and kissed her, "this is a lot more than that black…"

"I'm…" she whispered in his ear, "completely naked under this."

"Why didn't you say so sooner," he chuckled.

"Uhmmm…you were too concerned with me burning down the kitchen," she joked.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek," she said seconds before he'd pulled her on top of him.

"Completely naked," he said, as he untied the sash at her waist and she felt the warmth of his hands on her body.

"You…however…" she said.

"I'm completely naked under this comforter," he said, kissing her neck, "as you already know…"

"My point…" she said kissing him deeply, "exactly…get rid of the comforter."

"I thought you brought me breakfast," he murmured.

"I can make some more," she giggled and gave in to his devouring kiss.

"You can make…" he laughed, glancing over to the tray, "more cereal."

"It's the thought that counts," she laughed.

"It is…love…it is," he agreed and they became lost in each other, and soon their naked bodies were pressed against the other, the warmth of the comforter unnecessary.

"Derek…" she whispered, "I've paid back," and nipped at his lips, "all of your favorite things…"

"Yes," he mumbled, "yes…" he said as he kissed her softly and wrapped his arms around her, her face resting on his chest.

"So have you…Derek…" she said, "and Derek…"

"Yes," he said as his hands gently caressed her back

"I do…" she turned her face and softly kissed his chest, working her way up to his mouth, "truly…adore…you…"

"So do I, Meredith…" he said kissing her softly.

"Derek," she whispered.

"Uhmmm…"

"Then, why are you holding back…now…"

"Oh…Mer…it's…"

"Derek…"

"Maybe…we should wait…we had a long night…" he said, continuing to caress her back tenderly, and cupping her face his hand gently stroked her cheek.

"We did…" she said as she reached for him, his throbbing erection in her hand, "why do you want to wait?"

"Mer…last night," he said taking a deep breath, "we…maybe…aren't you…it's soon…since…it's soon…"

"Since the baby," she whispered, as she kissed him tenderly.

"Yes…" he said quietly.

"Derek…I'm ok…" she said softly, "and do you know… how… much I love you… so very much…for thinking of me…but…I'm ok, love…I am…and I want you."

"Meredith…I want you too," he said, removing her hand, yet pressing against her, "I just…if we needed to wait…we can wait."

She grasped his hand and whispered, "feel…Derek…how ready I am…"

"Meredith," he said as he pulled her under him

"Make love to me," she said upon his lips, inching closer, her voice a soft whimper, "please..." she continued rocking against him, "and…let me love you…"

"Meredith…" he mumbled breathlessly.

"It's our wedding morning…Derek… "

"I think," he said, his voice thick with lust, "we greeted the morning in its early hours…"

"Uhmm…we did…but…the sun wasn't out yet."

"So…we continue…" he said, as he began to trail kisses from her neck until his lips reached her breasts, "with all our favorite things."

"Yes…" she smiled, and reached for him again, to guide him to her but he stilled her hand.

"Yes…but…" he paused and pulled away from her to reach over to open the drawer.

"Derek…"

"Mer…we took enough chances last night," he said and she consented, taking the foil wrap from his hand and then rolled the condom over him.

"Derek," she urged, "don't make me wait…any longer…" and before she finished her sentenced she felt him gently begin to fill her, "Derek....you don't have to…"

"What…" he said trying to be as gentle as possible in spite of her reassurances.

"I want you…now…" she said, "unleash the panther Derek**…" **she said as she raised her hips making it impossible for him to continue being gentle, and she felt his first hard thrust.

"Mer…" he said, still trying to maintain some self control.

"Don't…" she said contracting around him, "hold back…please…"

"I don't…" he said, his voice broken, "think I can…" as he thrust into her again, this time, letting her set the pace of their love making, the cries of their fulfillment echoing throughout the room, as well as the words of love exchanged between them.

"Derek," she said long after he'd withdrawn for her and her fingers traced imaginary lines on his chest, as they both rested on their sides facing each other, "I think the beasts need…"

"Meredith…" he said as they simultaneously reached out for each other's hand, their fingers intertwined, "I don't think this beast is as young as you think he is…"

She giggled, "I was going to say food…and sleep…"

"Uhmmm…sleep…" he chuckled, "did we get any last night?"

"We did…" she laughed, as she leaned in to kiss him, "about three hours…"

"That much…" he said kissing her deeper, their bodies, again barely a few inches away.

"Derek," she smiled upon his lips, "I think ..." and kissed him, teasingly…seductively, "my beast…"

"Your beast," his laughter was a roar.

"Yes…all mine…" she teased, "completely…my panther…mine…" she separated the almost non existence distance between them, molding her body to his, reaching to caress his face, "for always."

"Meredith…" he paused, "yes…" and his lips settled on the base of her neck, by her collar bone biting gently.

"And…Derek…" she started to say, and lost her train of thought as she felt his mouth give another quick bite before continuing its course, "you're perfect…if you were any younger…"

"Uhmmm…diversion…and…"

"Truth…" she said softly, her mouth trailing kisses down his neck, and then up again nipping at his earlobe, whispering words that made him chuckle, "I wouldn't be able to keep up…"

"My…insatiable bride," he laughed softly.

"Ah…and exactly what would we call you…" she giggled, as their hands continued to caress the other's body.

"Luckily, not a dead horse's ass," he joked, and their laughter echoed through the room.

He gathered her close to him, "I love you Derek."

"I love you, Meredith," he said as the clocked chimed the eight o'clock hour, and he kissed the top of her head as she lay comfortably in his arms.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Did you ever imagine…we'd be like this…"

"You mean…lying naked in bed…after having made love through the night…"

"That's not new…" she said, as she turned slowly and reached for his hand.

"Oh…you mean lying in bed…naked…and starving…"

"Fine…" she said, "be that way…"

He had no idea, what prompted the change in her tone, but knew better than to continue teasing her. "Meredith…I'm teasing…it's been so long…I'm just enjoying being in your arms, as we wake up in the morning."

"I know…" she said softly, "I'm just being sentimental."

"I love you being sentimental…"

"You do…" she said turning to him, "you don't think …I'm too mushy and sentimental…and silly."

"I think you're beautiful…even more so when you're letting me see that sentimental side…"

"You bring that out in me…Derek…only you."

"I'll do my best…love…for the rest of our lives…to make you happy and sentimental."

"Me too," she said as he heard the sniffle.

"I love you Meredith."

"Derek…" she said, lifting her head to meet his gaze, "don't ever stop telling me."

"That I love you…"

"That you love me…just as I love you."

"Mer…" he smiled.

"Uhmmm…"

"If we ever lost our job…" he said, as his hands buried themselves in her hair.

"Why would we…"

"Just go with it," he said, cocking his head and giving her that smile that melted away everything but her love for him.

"Yes…" she smiled.

"Maybe we could write Hallmark cards," he murmured seriously before their carefree laughter was heard through the room.

"I'm going to fix you breakfast," she said, "before you turn completely mushy…"

"Before I starve to death, you mean… and unable to satisfy your appetite."

"That too," she giggled, and began to pull out of his embrace.

"Hey," he said stopping her, "stay in bed, I'll get breakfast."

"Oh…no…" she told him, "my first morning as your wife…I want to get breakfast."

"Mer…" he approached the subject carefully, "you didn't really burn down part of the kitchen."

"You ass," she said, swatting him gently, and got out of bed and slipped on the white linen robe she'd been wearing earlier and reached for the phone and dialed the extension they'd been given the night before and ordered a full breakfast, and walked away from the room towards the bathroom with a smile on her face wondering how long it would take for him to join her.

It wasn't long, seconds in fact before he was by her side and wrapped his arms around her, resting his chin on her shoulder. "I prefer plush bath towels," he said, "but admit it's much easier to feel your body with this one," he smiled as his hands moved along the contour of her hips.

"We're just not used to it," she said, "linen towels and robes are not used very often at home, it's more European."

"Noticed that last night," he said, "we need to ask for more towels," he said looking over to the linen towels he'd left by the shower after they'd made love a second time before falling asleep. He stood by the sink to brush his teeth, and she turned on the shower.

"Derek…" she said, as she opened a small closet door, "there are plenty of plush warm towels in here," she smiled and took out a large white robe for him, "to keep you warm."

"You think I need that to keep warm," he laughed.

"You've been naked an awfully long time," she teased as she let her robe fall to the marble floor and opened the door to the shower.

"And planning to stay that way for a bit longer," he said as he walked in behind her, "any objections?"

"None at all," she giggled, and then all that could be heard was the water as it reached its destination on the marble floor, before first falling softly on the two bodies intimately entwined.

We don't have very long," she whispered against his mouth, "before they tell us breakfast is served."

"We have enough time…for me to …"

"Yes…" she said in anticipation.

"Wash every inch of your body…"

"Derek…" she said seductively, "we have time for a little more than that…"

"Maybe just a little," he chuckled, as he captured her mouth, while his hands proceeded to wash her entire body.

"So…who cares if we're late," she smiled, as she reached for the body wash and did the same for him.

Almost an hour later they were served breakfast, "what are you smiling at?"

"Thank God," she said quietly, "they don't sleep here."

He chuckled, "oh…yes…my very loud wife."

"Me…" she challenged playfully, "they'd been scared to death," she said as she started to laugh, "if they kept hearing a …panther's roar."

"I didn't hear any complaints last night," he joked, as he grabbed her hand and kissed it.

"Nor will you…" she said, leaning over and brushing his lips softly, "never…ever…"

"Insatiable," he smiled, as he still held her hand.

"Well…except…" she took a deep breath before she brought his hand to her lips.

"Except…"

"You…seem to satisfy my hunger…over and over again…"

"So do you Mrs. Shepherd."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Do you want me to be Dr. Shepherd? When we get back."

"I want what you want," he said looking at her tenderly.

"I will…if you want me to…"

"I understand, Mer…that you want to continue being Dr. Grey…I get it."

"I…I just …maybe till I finish my residency…you know…so they can't say the only reason I got in was because of my mom…and comments about royally inbred…and all that..." she finished, a sad smile on her face as she thought of her mother.

"Meredith, I think you will be better than your Mom one day…"

"I don't need to be better…just…"

"You're going to be better…I already know that," he said, and leaned in to kiss her.

"Derek…I may be Dr. Grey, professionally …just for now…that is, but everything else, I'm Mrs. Shepherd…and I don't want anyone having any doubts…I mean…especially at the hospital…"

"Marking your territory," he said amused at her ramblings.

"Yes," she said emphatically, "and you better…"

"Meredith…I love being your husband…and that everyone will know…you're mine."

"Who's marking their territory now…" she teased.

"Damn right…" he said, and he leaned in to kiss her deeply.

The older woman interrupted them, too late to retreat to the kitchen, "I'm sorry…I just wanted to say…"

"Please don't apologize**. **Angela,last night's dinner and this breakfast were wonderful," Meredith told her.

"Signora Meredith…grazie, what time would you like for me to serve lunch?"

"Don't worry about lunch," Derek told her, "we probably will be out, explore a bit of the town, and dinner as well."

"It's a very small town," she said and as her husband walked in and helped remove the breakfast dishes, and both told them of the best places to visit around the lake.

"I will leave you dinner, all you need to do is heat it, but if you prefer to call me, just let us know when you get back," she said, though Derek assured they would be fine on their own, and would call them in the morning.

Meredith and Derek walked outside and toured a bit of the property, the temperature had turned warmer and they were able to enjoy a leisurely morning stroll, the view of the lake a perfect compliment to their emotions, smooth and peaceful. Every so often, in perfect sync with the other they'd stop and a gentle embrace would lead to their lips finding each other and new threads were woven into the tapestry of a legendary tale. A tale that had begun yet another chapter in a city of legends, and the unexpected sadness woven in a small corner weeks ago, was now being transformed with the healing power of childhood prayers long ago forgotten, and those of a man who'd almost forgotten their power, and fate continued weaving its magic in the life of lovers long ago destined to be together

"Did I ever imagine," he murmured in her ear, his lips softly kissing the side of he neck, ear, as they rested against the plush red cushions on the outside chaise, his legs raised and spread to nestle her back against his chest, his arms wrapped around her, "you asked…before I so rudely interrupted you…"

"We were naked at the time," she giggled.

"Did I ever imagine," he said again, "that faith…long ago forgotten, would remind me prayers…would be answered…that you would trust me again…that you'd forgive me?"

"Derek…" she said quietly, and was unable to keep the tears from gathering.

"Hey…no crying."

"You don't know that," she said barely above a whisper.

"I do…I've told you…even without looking at you I can feel your every emotion."

"Derek…" she said reaching for his hand, "you really feel that way."

"I do…"

"Me too…" she said and turned gently in his arms, and he felt her tears, "you had to forgive me too."

He lifted her face to meet her gaze and kissed the tears away, "don't cry…please…"

"They're sentimental tears…I promise," she said as she brushed his lips.

"Promise…"

"Yes…"

"Ok then…" he said, gently tucking loose strands of hair behind her ears.

"Last night…that song, listen Derek…Angela must like it, she has that CD playing again…" she said as they heard the faint sound of the same music through the open doors of the kitchen, "when I heard it, it make me think…of us…of the last few weeks…how far we've come…" she said, and though she attempted not to cry the emotions were overwhelming.

"It was," he said, repeating the lyrics softly against her ear as they heard the words again, "let this be our prayer, when shadows fill our days…Lead us to a place, guide us with your grace."

She finished the words softly, "Let this be our prayer, just like every child, needs to find a place…give us faith so we'll be safe." Tears rolled down her cheek, "she found her place…Derek."

"She did…" he said unable to hide his own tears, "she did…"

"I love you…Derek…and you know…what my favorite title for you was…"

"What," he said, bracing himself for her words.

"Brianna's daddy…"

"Oh…Mer…" he said as he engulfed her in his embrace, "I'm sorry…"

"It's ok…it is…" she said, "she's safe…"

"She is…" he assured her.

"It's been fifteen days…" he heard her whimper.

"I know…" he whispered, holding her close, hoping she'd like the small token he'd bought to remember their child.

"I'd forgotten…growing up," she told him, after long minutes of being held in the safety of his arms, "how much I'd wanted a family…and then…you gave me yours…"

"It's ours…our family now," he said, he too unable to hide his emotion.

"And one day…" she finished, "we'll tell our kids…our story."

"Yes…" he said tenderly, cupping her face and kissing her, "we will…"

"Maybe…" she smiled, "we'll have a few edits."

"Just a few," he agreed as he captured her mouth, and then breathless, they lay contentedly in each other's arms.

"Hey…sleeping beauty," he said, kissing the top of her head.

"I'm not sleeping," she said and imagined his grin, "and I'm not snoring."

"I wasn't going to say that," he smiled, and she placed her hand over his, tracing his wedding band.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Your mom still wears her wedding rings."

"She's never taken them off, that I can recall."

"Do you think their inscribed…that your Dad wrote something?"

"I don't know…but you can ask her," he said, and they continued to hold each other.

"Remember…" she said, and leaned in softly to kiss him.

"What…" he said, "there's so many things …good things to remember."

"Today…" she said, their gazes locked, "it's another Thursday morning…"

"And you still smell like lavender," he said, emotion evident in his voice as he leaned in to kiss her, "except…we will do this…everyday…for the rest of your lives."

"For always…" she smiled upon his lips.

"For always…" he said and kissed her before she settled snuggly in his arms again, enjoying the crisp morning breeze, a hint of flowers in the air.

"You know I had your ring inscribed."

"Yes…so did I…"

"You did…" she smiled, "but we haven't read them."

"Don't you want to know what it says…" she asked almost shyly.

"I do…I was wondering…why you weren't curious about it," he said.

"I am…but, after this one," she said holding out her right hand, and looking at her gold ring, "your inscription was so beautiful…so perfect…not sure it can live up to it."

"Mer…whatever you had inscribed will be perfect too…"

"I haven't wanted to take off my ring," she said.

"What if we take them off together…at the same time, and then put them back on," he suggested.

"We could do that," she said, and reached for his hand, to remove his ring as he did the same with hers and then placed it on the palm of the other's hand.

Derek reached for his and read, and his eyes filled with tears, the lump in his throat rendering him speechless.

"Oh…" she said in a soft broken sob, "Derek…" she whispered as she let the tears fall.

"It's…" he finally said, "it's the same thing I wrote."

"Yes…" she cried softly, "it must be true…"

"Of course it's true…" he said and kissed her tears away before capturing her mouth, both giving in to the depth of their feelings.

"You said…" she sniffled, "you said the L…my hint…that the L was very important…"

"It was…" he agreed, "in more ways than one," he smiled, his tongue slipping in her mouth again.

"It is…" she said minutes later, holding her platinum wedding band.

"Will you put it on me…again," she asked.

He took her ring, and before placing it on her finger, read the inside again, _legends…for always,_ and his eyes filled with tears as he slipped the ring on her finger, "I love you…Meredith, I will always love you."

"Derek…were you thinking of love…when you told me that? When you said L?"

"I was…but I was also thinking of legends…the Bridge of Sighs…and you me…"

"My soul mate," she whispered, "Derek…when I wrote the inscription down…it was the voice of my heart…my soul…_legends…for always_," she said as she read the inscription on the inside of his wedding band, " I love you Derek, and just as my other ring says…I will love you beyond this lifetime."

"Meredith…" he said, his voice broken by the emotion, "my wife…the love of my life."

"Derek…you are the love of mine…even when I never knew I wanted or believed that…my knight in charming armor…my prince charming," she said reverently, "my husband," she said reverently, "for always," and the taste of tears of joy, love andwonder mingled on their lips as shebrought her lips to his before he devoured hers completely.


	156. Chapter 156

**Ch 150 – Reminiscing **

Meredith felt the warmth of his breath against her neck, and the soft whispers of tender romantic words giving way to sensuous teasing while nibbling her earlobe, his arms embracing her. She smiled, enjoying the feel of his mouth as it continued its path down her neck.

"What are you smiling about," he whispered.

"Who says I'm smiling?" she said as her smile broaden, a soft moan her response to the gentle bites on her neck before his hand cupped her breast, his thumb rubbing her nipple.

"Derek," she moaned softly.

"Uhmmm…" he smiled, "forget smiling…moaning's good…"

"We're outdoors…" she reminded him.

"Yes…"

"Derek…anyone can walk out…"

"There's no one around," he said, quickly shifting his position so they were facing each other, their bodies pressed together.

"Derek…" she moaned again softly, as his mouth found hers.

"They know we're newlyweds," he murmured against her lips.

"Uhmmm," she replied as his tongue slipped into her mouth, the slow rhythmic dance their mutual pleasure once again.

"So…" he paused, stroking her face, his eyes holding her gaze.

"So," she said as she leaned to kiss him, but he held back, keeping his lips away form hers.

"Why were you smiling," he insisted.

"You think you know me so well…"

"I do…" he said, kissing her and then attempted to pull back again, but she captured his lips before he had a chance and deepened their kiss, making him forget his playing mood and giving in to the mating dance they both loved before the need to breathe forced them to break their kiss.

"Seems…" she smiled, "I know you better."

"Uhmmm…want to bet…" he chuckled, nibbling her neck.

"I was thinking," she said meeting his gaze, "of our wedding…the last few days…"

"Ah…"

"How can I not smile…" she asked, running her fingers through his hair.

"You're happy?" he questioned.

"Of course I'm happy," she said surprised at the doubts she heard in his voice.

"I love you Meredith," he said softly.

"I love you too," she said, and smiled as he placed his leg over hers, holding her closer.

"It's been good," he murmured, "the last few days."

"It's been amazing," she smiled, "that's why I was smiling, thinking of the last few days…and yesterday…our wedding day," she finished, "unforgettable."

"And…" he whispered, "last night…"

"Ah…last night," she said and whispered in his ear, making him laugh.

"Mrs. Shepherd, you're a tease."

"Only…if I don't deliver…" she said, wrapping her arms around him, pressing more intimately against him, forgetting they were indeed outdoors and oblivious to the sound of footsteps on the small grey stones.

"Mer," he said, "stop."

"Why…you like…" she said, surprised he'd pulled away from her.

"Signore Derek," Meredith heard Angela said, thankful Derek had heard her approach, "I'm sorry, I did not want to bother you, but this was just delivered from the hotel, and it seemed it could be important."

"Thank you Angela," he said, accepting an envelope with the hotel's logo on the outside, "please don't apologize."

"I will be leaving shortly," she said, "but, Signora Meredith, I will leave dinner ready for you only to heat."

Derek laughed. "You don't want her to in the kitchen Angela, but I'll take care of it."

"Signore Derek, you are joking,she is a doctor…she told me this morning."

"Yes," he laughed, "and a very good one, but she can't cook."

"Well, she only has to heat the food, I'm sure she will be fine," she smiled.

"Grazie Angela, my husband is not being very nice," she pouted.

"Signora…" she winked at her, "if he can do it better…than let him…that's what I tell my husband."

"That is very good advice," Meredith smiled, "I believe I will remember that."

"Enjoy your day," Angela said, "we will see you in the morning, but please, remember if there's anything you need, any time you call us," she added before walking away.

"What is it?" Meredith asked as she looked at the unopened envelope.

"Let's find out," Derek said taking the note out, "oh crap."

"Derek, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he said handing her the note, "just…I totally forgot."

Meredith read the note, which was actually a handwritten note on a facsimile sheet from the Danieli in Venice.

"Derek Christopher, you were supposed to call me. It is a good thing your sister knew where you were staying so we could confirm you arrived without mishap.

Meredith dear, bet you chose some of the black last night, so I can overlook your distraction. I remember how much Irish loved black. Derek, close your mouth, yes your mother knows about honeymoon sex, and I figured you deserved that comment…since you were so thoughtless about calling.

Enjoy the rest of your trip. Love, Mom."

Meredith blushed, slightly embarrassed by the reference to the black lingerie, but it was humorous that her mother in law would bring it up, knowing Derek would be reading.

"Mer…" he paused, "how…how does she know about the black lingerie."

"Derek…" she teased, laughing softly, "you are a prude."

"I'm not a prude…" he argued, "but Mer…she's my mother…"

"And…she was at my shower…she saw the gifts."

"That's true…" he agreed.

"You liked the black," she teased, "I'll try one of the others tonight."

"How many more did you get?"

"A few…your Mom…and sisters…and Lex and Cristina…"

"From Mom…you got lingerie from Mom?"

"Derek…of course…I did…it was all lingerie, well…plus the journal from Lexie."

"Don't…" he said, "don't…tell me…what she…"

"Ok," she agreed, "I won't," but couldn't keep the smile from her face.

"Meredith…" he warned, "oh …no…don't tell me it was that black almost nothing…"

"I won't," she said and turned to kiss him.

"Diversion," he chuckled when he spoke again.

"I love you Derek."

"She gave you the black didn't she?"

"Forget about it…" she said, "I plan to use each of my gifts more than once."

"You're right…who cares…" he said as his lips found hers, and they both forgot.

"Derek," she said, resting her head on his chest, while she enjoyed being held in his arms, and her hands playfully caressed the length of his body.

"Uhmmm…"

"What did you like best about our wedding?"

"Your wedding vows…" he replied, without the need to think about it.

"Really?" she asked, eyes misty with emotion.

"Without a doubt."

"Why?"

"Because," he said, kissing the top of her head, his hand buried in her hair, before meeting her gaze, "like you said, I heard the voice of your heart…and soul, and you forgave me…and that was a priceless …gift."

"Yours too… Derek…your words…"

"You don't mind…" he asked, "that it was a small wedding…and all your friends couldn't be there?"

"Derek…" she said kissing him softly, "I would not trade a single second of our wedding…it was beautiful …the last twenty four hours," she paused, a tear escaping, "were the happiest of my life."

"It's the beginning," he said as he wiped away her tears, "of our life together…and I promise you…to do all I can to make you happy…"

"I know you will," she said placing her lips on his again.

"That means no more tears…please…"

"Derek…it's ok…if there's tears…you know there will be those along the way, but as long as we're together…always trying to make things work between us…it's ok."

"What was your favorite," he asked as he cupped her face with one hand and kissed her.

"I love that…" she said softly.

"What?"

"The way you kiss me…like that, the way you look at me…right before your hand reaches out to my face…and then you kiss me…"

"More kissing I say…" he smiled, and she giggled at his choice of words.

"We've come a long way Derek…" she said, snuggling into him.

"From that morning…when you were determined not to see me again," he spoke smiling, "but yet couldn't stay away and had your way with me in the elevator…took me completely by surprise…took advantage of me…again," he said teasing her, kissing her again.

"And a good thing I did…" she giggled.

"What," he said mockingly, "you're admitting you were the one that took advantage of me that first night."

"Don't be an ass," she swatted him.

"Meredith…" he said poignantly, "that night…the night we met…that was the best night of my life…because…I found you."

"You see," she said softly as tears welled, "tears are ok…"

"Yeah," he agreed as his gaze softened and a light mist covered his eyes.

"You know what else I liked…about our wedding…"

"What's that?" he asked before he kissed her.

"I don't mind…that we've become mushy and sentimental."

"Neither do I," he said as their lips found each other.

"We should go inside," she said a bit breathlessly.

"Inside…you're being lazy again," he joked.

"Lazy…when have I ever been lazy," she drawled, "in bed…"

"Never," he agreed, before he whispered in her ear, making her smile.

"Diversion…Derek…"

"Yes," he said, "and you know why." He wanted her, they wanted each other again, but she'd brought it up herself this morning, it had been fifteen days since her miscarriage, and he could wait till later, especially after they'd already made love twice before breakfast.

"You're probably right," she agreed with him, "so what do you want to do?"

"More kissing…" he teased.

"That's hardly…" she said as she kissed him, "conducive to waiting."

"Crossword puzzles," he said, and both started to laugh.

"Reminiscing," she said softly, "that's good…"

"Yes," he said, cupping her face and devouring her with his eyes, "very good."

"It's appropriate, don't you think…here we are…and there's ferry boats," she said, "not the size of Seattle's…but…"

"Oh yes…and you know I've always had this…intense thing…for ferry boats…"

"Uhmmm."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…"

"You and me…it was always intense…my feelings…from the beginning."

"They were…" she said and reached for his hand, entwining their fingers.

"But…"

"But…Derek…" she taunted.

"But works sometimes," he laughed.

"Really…" she challenged.

"Go with it…"

"You're telling me that a lot lately."

"You're not being flexible," he teased.

"Do I need to remind you…"

"About last night," he laughed, "absolutely not."

"You were so arrogant," she said, going back to their elevator conversation, "telling me you hadn't asked me to go out with you."

"I hadn't," he laughed, "you just wanted me…and..."

"And you didn't want me," she said raising her eyebrows.

"I wanted you desperately," he silenced her, kissing her and taking her breath away.

"Kissing is good…" she giggled, "a lot more kissing…but we don't have an elevator here."

"Lounge chairs are good…very very good," he said as he drew her closer, his hands finding their way under her sweater and caressing her back.

"Thankfully…you took advantage of me… in the elevator that is…"

"Didn't hear you complaining," she teased him.

"It was part of my strategy," he laughed.

"I was not a strategy…you had no idea how to get me to go out with you."

"That's what I wanted you to believe."

"Derek Shepherd, you are so full of it…"

"It's true Mer…" he tried not to laugh, "but you had so many rules…"

"I did not…" she giggled.

"You did…not dating me, not sleeping with me…drawing imaginary lines…when you really just wanted to give in to my charm…"

"And your kisses…and having my way with you…over and over again…" she said, as she nibbled his lips and her tongue slid playfully inside his mouth.

"Not playing fair…" he said, catching his breath before giving in to her.

"Neither do you," she moaned softly as his hands cupped her breast, "unless we're going inside."

"You're right," he said, removing his hands and embracing her, "I forget you have no self control."

"Me…" she teased, pressing herself against the warmth of his body.

"You're the one that had to take the stairs," he told her, holding her slightly away from him.

"Exactly…because you have no self control," she giggled.

"I think," he said in a low hoarse voice, "we've both proven to have tremendous self control…"

"Yes…" she said, thinking over the last month, "we have…but…"

"You can have your way with me later today…after we do a bit of sightseeing."

"I'm looking forward to it."

"Mer…and you never did tell me what your favorite part of the wedding was."

"There were so many…Derek…I don't know that I could pick a favorite one…"

"There must be one…"

"Waking up and falling asleep in your arms…"

"That's two…" he pointed out.

"The ring…the inscription…you made me cry…"

"I didn't want you to cry."

"It was beautiful…and I will cherish it forever…and that you want it to be a tradition…I can't pick one…it was the whole day…and your vows…what we said to each other and…oh…Derek," she said melancholy in her voice, " "wearing your mom's bracelet…that was so special…"

"It was," he said in a low whisper, unable to hide the emotion he felt, "you…wearing her bracelet…his gift to her..."

"Derek…hey…" she said as he turned slightly away from her, but she saw the tears in his eyes, "Derek…"

He took a deep breath before facing her again, "it was his special gift to her…"

"I know…she told me…"

"She should have had forever with him…"

"Your dad…"

"It was so unfair…"

She touched his face tenderly, "it was…they should have been together…I wish he could have been here too."

"He was mushy and sentimental…that bracelet…"

"It's very special…"

"She…she wanted him to have something just as special…and she saved up money…and bought him a watch…he treasured her gift…"

"Do you have it…his watch?"

He choked back a sob.

"Derek," she asked with concern, "what's wrong?"

"He was killed over it…two men walked in the store and robbed him…and he wouldn't give up the watch…and they killed him…"

"Oh my God…" she said as she held him close to her, his face buried in her chest as he allowed himself to cry for the loss of his father, "I'm sorry…so sorry…I didn't know…"

"She…she doesn't talk about it," he said long after he'd allowed his long pent up emotions to flow, "but…sometimes…she's said she wished she hadn't given it to him…because…maybe they would not have killed him over it."

"Oh… Derek…I'm sorry…so sorry…"

"She's so strong Mer…she had to be, raised all five of us alone, but there are times…she has that far away look in her face…and I know…she remembers…and wishes she would not have given him that."

"It made him happy…that she gave him that…it was special to him…"

"It was…but he should have just given it up…"

"I'm sure…if he could…he would so he could be with his family…now."

"The thing is…he was her Irish…and sentimental…and she'd worked and saved to get him that watch…and he probably tried to reason with them…tell them why it was so special," he said, his lips pressed together trembling, "and they just killed him."

"I'm sorry…" she said, and cried along with him. "I'm so sorry…you had to grow up without him…and that he didn't get to see what a wonderful son he has."

"I've failed him too…not been honorable."

"Shush…" she said, "you are…and he would be…he is so proud of you…just as our children will be proud of you…just as I am…just as his Irish is proud of you."

"Promise me," he said, "promise me…if ever…ever…you're in a situation like him…you will think of your life first…you give up whatever they want. Nothing, nothing is worth giving up your life… promise me…because…you're the only thing that matters to me…you are the only irreplaceable treasure in my life."

"I promise," she said as she continued to hold him as the rays of the mid morning sun warmed their bodies, and her whispered words of love and comfort, and of plans for their future again began to warm his heart.

_AN 9JAN09 Thanks for bumps & comments... posting shortly. After last night's epi...suddenly this felt like the perfect thing for this chapter... though it's shorter than usual. Hope it's been a good...first week of 2009_.


	157. Chapter 157

_This is shorter than usual, but the first chapter was short…then, the characters would not be silenced. It's been exactly one year (Jan 15) since I first posted this story and wanted to bring it full circle in some ways, where how it began truly became a thing of the past, and the love and commitment they have for each other lead them to this place of legends and the most important decision of their lives. I think they've talked through it all, thus far…yes there are new unchartered conversations from this season to be discussed. _

_Thank you for continuing to read for so long, and those of you that are not shy to comment, my expression of appreciation for your thoughtfulness, enthusiasm and support cannot be fully conveyed in this sentence. _

_I debated if the name of this story should remain the same, as the next chapters are not a sequel, but rather a continuation of their lives and their journey to fulfill their dreams. I opted for this… notice the title to show the past and future things to come. I don't think I can change it on this board…but in my mind, it's now…(Shattered)…Dreams Fulfilled._

_My most sincere thanks and warm regards, Jasmin_

_**(Shattered...) Dreams Fulfilled - Jan 15, 2009 **_

**Ch 151 – A lifetime ago**

"Derek," she whispered, their bodies entwined and her fingers gently caressing his back, "why don't we go inside, we can take a nap."

"You're tired…I'm sorry…I should have realized," he said, and she interrupted him.

"Derek, we're both tired…neither of us got much sleep last night…and you don't have to worry about me all the time."

"Earlier you said…" he paused, thinking of how she'd brought up the miscarriage, and the doctor in him knew there was a chance she was not fully recuperated, either physically or emotionally, but he'd follow her lead.

"Right now, I want to be the one worrying about you…" she said softly.

"I'm fine, Meredith. You don't need to worry about me."

"Ah…" she said as she brushed his lips, "you're fine…" she smiled.

"You're mocking me," he pouted.

"I'm trying to put into practice all my wifely duties," she teased him.

"Your wifely duties," he said raising an eyebrow and smiling, "I think you've perfected them…"

"Now…you're mocking me," she said, with deliberate innuendo in her voice, "I am not talking about sex."

"You're not?"

"Those are not duties Derek," she said in a low seductive voice, "all of your…our favorite things…only pleasure."

"So…then, you think I need a nap…your old panther…"

I think," she paused before meeting his gaze, "we have been through a month that was hell…and at the same time…we found …"

"Our small piece of heaven," he said as he bridged the inches between them and kissed her. A tender kiss that spoke of comfort and healing, and most of all trust.

"Mushy…and sentimental…" she whispered against his lips, "that's what we've become."

"I love you…all mushy and sentimental…"

"Me too," she sighed, "but don't tell anyone."

"I think they've already been able to tell," he said, nuzzling her neck, "and when we get back, I'm not hiding it."

"I know," she went along with his playfulness, "but we don't have to admit it, I still need to be hard core to keep up… you know how competitive they are."

"I love you."

"You've changed the subject," she said softly, "again."

"I did not."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Do you remember, that night…when we broke up…and the nights that followed?"

"Mer…" he said, the tone of his voice registering surprise that she would bring that up.

"No…" she said as she brushed his lips, "it's not a bad thing…it's not."

"You're bringing up the most painful…shameful…" he started to say, and his voice broke.

"What I was going to say…what I wanted to say," she said as she cupped his face, her forehead first resting gently against his, then kissing him, "is that it seems like it was a lifetime ago…that night…when we broke up and then, the days that followed. Derek, I've loved you forever…just like you told me, remember…I've been in love with you forever too..." she said her eyes misty.

"Of course…I remember," he said with equal emotion, much like that night long ago in her kitchen.

"And…today," she said as she continued to gently caress his face, "all I wanted was to be the one to comfort you…as you have been comforting me…you've heard…all my dark and twisty secrets…"

"Meredith…" he tried to stop her.

"No…let me finish," she insisted, kissing him softly. "This month…the last twenty nine days…"

"You've been keeping track."

"Only because I wanted you…needed you…so desperately, because in that time Derek…we've grown…matured a lifetime."

"We have…but Meredith, there will never be a day I don't regret how I hurt you."

"I hurt you too, but Derek…yesterday, when we spoke our vows, when we made that commitment to each other…we agreed…we've learned from that, but we're not going back…we're letting go of that."

"You just brought it up," he said, perhaps a bit defensively.

"What I brought up," she said tenderly, "is that just like you have been there for me…through that time…and even before, but especially these last few weeks, I want to be there, always…for you…to offer that same comfort, that same strength…because without you…those first few days…and then …" she paused, "Brianna…it was you…only you that made it possible for me to believe in our future…to believe all was not lost."

"I love you…there was no place else for me to be, no other options for us, for our future."

"There was Derek…but you would not give up…you fought me…and would not give up, and even through all that happened, the sadness … our sadness…I have no regrets, because it made me realize that life without you was merely existing."

"That's how I felt…the night I left…when Lexie gave me the house plans."

"I'm sorry," she said simply.

"I did not take them."

"I know."

"I drove that night…and when I got to the trailer…I knew…I would do whatever it took to have you in my life."

"You started to break down my defenses…the ones that I seem to have no control over where you're concerned…when you made me walk out with you…from Joe's and then my dream…later that night, I knew it was going to be pretty hard not to give in…eventually."

"You didn't give me any indication of that…"

"You were insensitive and…"

"Mer…" he said adding levity to their conversation, "I'm glad you didn't turn me into a pretzel…"

She laughed, remembering when she'd told him that, "so am I…it be pretty hard…" she giggled at his reaction to her choice of words, "to enjoy…all of our favorite things."

"You still tease."

"Should I stop…"

"Never…but Mer…you were pretty irrational…"

"I didn't know it yet…" she said quietly, "but I had an excuse."

"Yes…love…you did," he said and wrapped his arms around her as they lay quietly basking in the sun's rays.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You know… there are going to be times…both of us… we may forget things…and we need to remind each other…our promises Derek…to do this together…to talk…"

"Always…and we won't forget."

"We will," she told him, "you know we will…we both seem to have that ability to avoid sometimes, but we can't Derek…we have to remind each other…sometimes things are not necessarily black and white."

"We promised," he said, "and we will not forget…we'll talk Meredith…we will. But why are you bringing this up now?"

"Married couples talk Derek," she said matter-of- factly.

"Not this seriously," he said, "the morning after their wedding," and kissed the top of her head.

"Well…they do, when one of the spouses withholds sex," she said jokingly.

"You, Mrs. Shepherd, are one hell of a tease."

"But you love me," she smiled.

"I adore you," he said as his lips devoured hers.

"Derek…I know you're trying to be sensitive…about…sex…"

"Yes…"

"I love you for that…"

"I love you too."

"Derek, you did change the subject…about your Dad…"

"Mer…it was so long ago."

"But, you had not shared that with me…after all the time we've been together…and you know about me…and my mom…and I just…I need you to know that I'm here…that I won't turn away…not anymore…I want to know what you're feeling…and I thought, today…you may need me…"

"I did…and you were there…you let me," he said, his voice choked up, "you let me release so many emotions…so many feelings I'd held inside me for so long…you did that…"

"Derek…but…if you need to talk…I want to be there…just as you have been there for me…that's what I meant…about wifely duties…being there, for you…whenever you need me."

"You were," he said, kissing her softly, "you said and did the perfect thing…just holding me…and you were my comfort…and your words…the words you chose…they warmed my heart again…and filled my doubts with hope."

Their eyes locked. One last penetrating gaze before they both reached for the other, and remembered a night not so long ago when all he'd seen were tear filled eyes that no longer sparkled, and all that remained were the dying embers of what had been a flame of hope and now that impenetrable wall of steel that had brought him despair, but now he was humbled that she had forgiven him and the flame of hope was reignited and the reflection in the other's eyes spoke of promises and dreams waiting to be fulfilled..

Raw vulnerability and hope in his eyes made her forget all past hurts and giving in to faith and trust, snuggled in the comfort of his arms, in the safety of his love.

Once, weeks ago, he'd looked in her eyes and was met with a coldness and emptiness that made him want to bow his head in shame, and he had and he'd done all he could to prove his love to her, to make himself worthy of her trust again.

The moment lasted barely seconds, but long enough to see the tears that gathered in the other's eyes, and understand that this time, they had made it. The stakes had been higher than ever before, and the possibility of losing each other had been too much to bear.

Twenty nine days ago, doubts and mistrust had them both falling apart, and yet, this time, love had been more than enough. Love had been everything.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Do you think…" she paused, not sure if she wanted to say anything more.

"What…" he encouraged, "tell me how what you feel…"

"From now on…just like I told you…remember…after I drowned…I wanted to be better…"

"You are perfect…to me you are perfect."

"That's stretching it," she joked with him.

"You are Meredith…to me…you are…and we can face anything…together."

"I want to put aside my severe emotional limitations…"

"Mer…"

"I know I have them…stupid and senseless…but I'm working on them…I am…"

"You have…and none of that matters as long as we're together."

"I want to give my husband the comfort he needs…when he's just revealed more about himself than ever before….and for you to mourn your father…his absence…here….at our wedding, I know you'd have liked for him to be here."

"I would…but…Mer…I think he was…he was there…watching over us."

"He was…I believe he was."

"Derek…the next few days…or when we get home…whenever you need me,

please…tell me. I may not always know…or realize it…but please…tell me so I can be there for you and just as you've comforted me through my grieving, for my mother," she said, entwining their fingers, "for our baby…for dreams that were shattered into a million little pieces…and now…we turn all that to hope for our future."

"You know," he said long after he'd heard the last words shed spoken, "I was so angry with him…for betraying me…for so long…I was so angry with him," he stopped, and she turned to look at him, as his lips trembled.

"Mark…are you talking about Mark," she said, soothing him as she gently moved her fingers on his arms.

"My dad," he said, taking deep breaths, "for leaving us…for abandoning us, I felt he had betrayed our trust…to be there and raise us."

"Oh…Derek…I'm sorry…"

"I've never," he said, "never admitted that to anyone in my life, and it's so disloyal and dishonorable to feel that way."

"He understands. Derek, I'm sure he understands…you were just a boy."

"I was so angry with him…when I was old enough to realize he could have given up that watch…that's what they wanted…he should have given up that damn watch, and he would have been here…we would have been here all these years," he said, defeat and sadness in his voice.

"I know…" she said softly, tenderly, "that if he could do it again…he would have…he would give up that watch…because…the alternative was to leave you and your Mom…and your sisters, and I know…he would have made a different choice."

"She can never know…my Mom that I feel this way, it would break her heart."

"She never has to know."

"You know…when I spoke to her, the other night in her room…before she sent me to you, to stay with you…she told me she'd wished she'd met you before."

"She did," she said as her eyes filled with tears.

"She said…if she'd met you before…she'd have given me her ring, her engagement ring, that he'd always meant for me to have it…for the right girl…and that you were that girl…no one else."

"Oh…Derek…" she said, letting the tears fall. "I'd have been honored…to wear her ring."

"Dad…and I…we both…both made wrong choices," he said, a tear escaping, "wrong choices that affected the loves of our life."

"I'm here with you," she smiled, "how can that be the wrong choice?"

Oh…Mer," he said, and pulled her into his arms, "I promise…to make it all up to you."

"Derek…we talked about this yesterday, that we'd put all of that behind us…and today…now… here on this first morning of our life together…let's remember that…and hold on to what got us through this…that we love each other…that we don't want to live without each other…that you and I can both believe that those dreams…shattered dreams…not so long ago…that one day…we'll make our dreams come true.

"We've come a long way," he said, "you," he added reverently, "amaze me."

"That night Derek…when you called me…remember…and I told you…I'd had this dream…that I'd share…"

"I thought you had," he said, not knowing what else she wanted to add.

"Yes…but today…I can see it so clearly…" she smiled, and kissed him softly and then locked gazes with him, "the view from our porch…and my three boys…playing, giggling…calling out my name… as my eyes meet yours, the blue I love so much."

"Three boys…" he whispered, "we have three boys."

"We…" she laughed softly, and his heart knew no greater joy, "we have two boys…"

"But…you just said…your three boys…"

"I was counting you…" she laughed again,

"Really," he said, nuzzling her neck, biting her gently, "you're thinking of me as a boy…" and then tickled her, making her attempt, but with very little real effort to move away from his arms.

"My favorite…ever…ever…boy, "she said, shifting her body to get closer to him and she felt his desire pressed intimately against her, "the love of my life…my knight in shining armor…the most wonderful…man that loves me," she said, echoing what she'd told Lexie months before, "who made me believe that fairy tales can come true…my husband…

"No more looking back," he said, kissing her softly at first before deepening their kiss and losing themselves in its pleasure. Lips biting lightly, tongues mating gently, then urgently and tenderly again, knowing their long pent up passion had been partially fulfilled long into the hours of the night and the early morning dawn.

"I love you Derek," she whispered breathlessly at the first opportunity she had, "I love you so much."

"I love you Meredith, adore you…my teasing…enchanting…beautiful wife."

"Still calling me a tease."

"If the shoe fits…" he chuckled.

"I'd rather it didn't," she joked, "let's just take everything off," and they both laughed.

"Patience…love…patience…"

"Once upon a time," she smiled, "a very patient..." she paused, "wife…

"Tease…"

"Let's go inside," she said, "take a nap."

"And then…" he said in a low growl, "the beasts…"

"After you feed me lunch," she said.

"After I feed you lunch," he laughed, "let's go…I'll feed you first…then we can nap."

"Uhmmm…" she smiled, "I get the feeling…we won't be napping…"

"Ah…she gets it…" he said, as his mouth found hers.

"I always get it…Derek…"

"Yes…" he laughed, and hugged her to him, "you always do…"he said, and those were just some of the many words of love exchanged as two lovers, bodies entwined lay near a lake of blue sparkling water, one often immortalized by artists, writers and poets for its quiet beauty, and of which had been said, "The precise location of heaven on earth has never been established, but it may very well be right here," and a century before, "exceeds anything I ever beheld in beauty." (**)

"Meredith," he whispered, as he continued to stroke her body, "maybe…Mom's ring…one day…if we have two boys…our second son…he can give that ring…to that special girl."

"That would be a beautiful tradition," she said before wrapping her arms tighter around him.

Meredith and Derek had found their piece of heaven, not in location as much as in the depth of their souls. Now, two newly married lovers enjoyed the beauty of a memory that would forever live in their hearts, lovers secure and safe in the knowledge that theirs was a love of legends, and one day, in the not too distant future, of dreams fulfilled.

_(*) Quote by Herb Caen, Pulitzer Prize winning columnist. (1916-1997)_

_( **) Quote Percy Bysshe Shelly (1792 – 1822)_


	158. Chapter 158

_No, you did not read the title wrong. I was in the mood for light and a bit of fluff or filler…whatever you call it…though by now you know even filler leads to something… and I could not believe I had forgotten the conversation between Derek and Miranda and suddenly…it fell into place. Thanks for reading, Jasmin._

**Ch 152 – Sax…lies…and…videotapes?**

"Derek," she said softy, the side of her face warm against his chest, "are you sleeping?"

"Uhmmm…"

"Is that a yes?"

"If I don't answer," he said, enjoying teasing her, "will you accept that I am."

"No," she said, equally enjoying their lighter mood.

"Mer…"

"Uhmmm…"

"We've been married just over twenty four hours and you're already a nag."

"I can't believe you called me a nag," she said raising her head to look at him.

"Well…you're nagging."

"I am not," she giggled, as her hands reached under his sweater and her fingers played at unbuttoning his shirt.

"Nag away," he laughed, burying his face in her neck.

"Wait," she said, "twenty four hours…it's already eleven…"

"Just about," he said looking at his watch, "ten thirty seven exactly."

"Derek…" she smiled, looking up at him.

"Yes…"

"That's sort of an anniversary."

"Uhmmm …" he agreed, returning the smile.

"Don't look at me like that."

"Like what?"

"Like…with our look…"

"It's our look…Mrs. Shepherd."

"Yes, but it makes me feel…"

"Yes…"

"I can't do what I'd like to do right now…outdoors… in broad daylight," she teased.

"Let's go inside," he said, and quickly got up and pulled her after him, and laughing they walked towards the open door that lead to the kitchen, and wrapped their arms around each other right before she pushed him lightly against the wall, making him laugh again, "this reminds me…of our first elevator kiss."

"Go with it," she giggled, as she brought her mouth to his and kissed him hard.

"More kissing I say," he joked, after they broke away from their kiss.

"Me too," she giggled.

"Happy Anniversary Meredith," he said as they heard the clock chimes.

"Happy Anniversary Derek," she said, as her arms circled his neck, and he devoured her mouth.

"Angela, they are on their honeymoon."

Meredith heard a man's voice and pulled reluctantly away from their kiss, as the man continued his comments, "Derek, listen," she said as he continued to kiss her, "stop."

"You've left enough food for three days, and believe me, they don't want us here. Let's go, and we can do a bit of remembering of our honeymoon," the man said and the woman's laughing response was heard, "I can be talked in to that."

"Derek," Meredith laughed, "Angela and her husband, they're here."

"Antonio," Derek said, right as they walked in the kitchen, "it's good to see you, thank you for all the arrangements you've made."

"Dottore Derek, it's not a problem. Angela and I we are just leaving, but if you need anything, just call us."

"Yes," his wife said, "please if there's anything you need, you have our number."

"Yes, we do," Derek said, "and actually, we're probably going to spend part of the day out, maybe even dinner. Can you suggest where we should go this evening? I was wondering if there's a local bar for us to have a drink tonight, after dinner."

"We can recommend a very nice place. Just locals, usually you don't get the tourists."

"That's exactly what we'd like," Derek said, and saw Meredith rolling her eyes. She got it. She knew what he wanted. "Antonio, please just call me Derek."

"Oh, but no…we can't do that."

"You can, we're asking you to."

"We'll settle for Mister Derek, it's not proper otherwise."

"Signore Antonio then," Derek joked with him, "what's the way to Cernobbio and do we need to be aware of any local laws on traffic or parking? We'll probably go there for a stroll, maybe a bit more sightseeing around the Lake."

"Dottore Derek," Angela said a bit hesitant.

"Ok…" Derek laughed, "I give up."

"I know in America it's not proper to ask about patients, but here…it's different and we know you were Kelly's doctor…and…is she all right…is she going to be all right? She is such a precious and beautiful little girl."

"You know Kelly, of course."

"We have known her since she was born and I've known her father since he was a boy. My grandmother and his grandmother are from the same town."

"You're Irish too?"

"Oh no, his grandmother is Swiss, from Lugano, still lives there."

"Here we thought you were Italian," Meredith told her, her arm familiarly draped around his waist.

"I was born here, but my mother is from Lugano, and actually, if you're going to be doing sightseeing, you may want to go there. It's not far and Lake Como is beautiful…breathtaking indeed, but Lugano is very beautiful too and it's only thirty minutes away."

"Angela," Derek said, "to answer your question. Kelly is going to be fine. Her surgery went very well, and she's home and I expect she is going to recuperate completely."

"Grazie a Dio," she said clasping her hands together, "and thank you. La Nonna, she wanted me to say that. She was so worried, but she said that the children, that's John and Colleen, told her they had found the best doctor in the country for her."

"Angela, you're very generous, but…"

"Angela," Meredith said, hugging him gently, "he was the best. In fact, the only neurosurgeon that could have done that surgery, and I'm very proud of him. Kelly is going to grow up to be a beautiful lovely girl."

"Signora Meredith, you have met Kelly, you have seen her after the surgery?"

"I have seen her a few times, and she's just fine. I also saw the baby and he is just adorable."

"He looks just like his father," Angela smiled, "and they've emailed that Kelly is doing well since she's home. We know that you saved her life and that there's nothing that the family would not do to show their appreciation."

"We realized that, once we got here. But please, you must understand there was no need for them to do any of this," Derek told them.

"Oh, but Signore Derek, they really wanted you to stay at their Villa and what we're doing now, it's nothing compared to that, and we would have been able to have all the staff take care of you. You saved their little girl. You have what that means to them."

"I think we do," Derek said reaching for Meredith's hand.

"We've met Kelly and her family," Meredith smiled, "we know how much it means. How much it would mean to us, if it was your daughter," she said as she felt Derek hug her closer to him, and the kiss he placed on the top of her head was meant as a comforting caress.

They continued to talk for a few more minutes, learning more about the couple and Kelly's family as well as the location of the Villa, which Angela insisted they should visit and at the very least have afternoon tea. Derek declined and thanked them for all their thoughtfulness before they left with the understanding that Meredith would call them for breakfast in the morning.

"Oh…" Antonio said as he got ready to walk out, "get diesel in Chiasso, before you cross the border back to Italy, it's cheaper than here."

Merdith and Derek went upstairs to get their coats and she walked to the bathroom to brush her teeth, "oh my God, Derek," she said, her toothbrush still in her mouth.

"What?"

"This is embarrassing," she spoke as he walked in, "they've left enough towels for us to shower five …six times before tomorrow."

"I guess they figured we'd need it," he said as his hand moved playfully on her ass, before grabbing his toothbrush.

"That's not the point," she said, trying to remain serious.

"Mer they know about honeymoons, you heard them…"

"I guess they do," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his waist and placing a kiss on his back before she walked to the bedroom.

"Ok, then, Mrs. Shepherd," Derek said as he joined her, "get your passport, we're going touring."

"Touring?"

"Yeah, into Switzerland."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…" he said as he walked to her, and brushed her lips, "you're mocking me…again?"

"You're such a geek," she laughed as she went through her purse.

"Hey…I take offense to that."

"Geek?"

"Yeah, those were my band days."

"Band days?" she questioned, raising her eyebrows slightly.

"You've got enough to make fun of me, let's go," he said, as he picked up her coat and held it for her, then faced her and softly pulled her hair up and let it fall against the collar before placing his hand on her neck to bring her face close to his and kiss her.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too."

"You may need to shave later."

"I thought you liked this look," he said putting his coat on.

"I do…but…well, you know," she said, and spoke quietly in his ear.

"I'll shave when we get back," he whispered in low hoarse voice, "but why are you whispering?"

"Practice," she laughed, "for when we can't say those things around our kids."

"Are you going to practice being quiet while we make love as well?"

"Are you?"

"No," he said with a deadpan expression. "I'm going to have our bedroom walls insulated," he finished and they both started to laugh.

"Don't forget your scarf Derek, if you have the top down, which I'm sure you're going to want to do…it's probably going to be freezing…and don't want us going back with pneumonia," she said as she reached for her scarf and gloves.

"Rambling," he teased, "nag…"

"I'm your wife…I can nag…and ramble…and tease…and…" she was going to continue but he silenced her with his lips.

"You…" he said in between kisses, "can do…whatever you want."

"I'll remind you of that," she smiled, "often."

"I'm sure you will," he joked. "Can we go now?"

"Wait…do you have the camera? Derek we haven't taken any photos… and we need to do that, it can take videos and we should have some of our trip…and the trip today should be very scenic."

"Mer, I don't think the photos we could have taken…since we got here… would have been appropriate…for the family album."

"You ass," she said as she playfully smacked him on the arm.

"She still loves me," he chuckled.

"Still love you," she said, and then with a small hint of doubt. "You?"

"Adore you, Mrs. Shepherd," he said reaching for her hand.

"Did you take extra chips too?"

"Yes," he smiled indulgently.

"Ok, we're ready," she said as she looked in her purse one more time. "Oh, no."

"What?"

"Derek, my phone, I haven't even looked at it…I've got twenty text messages, we haven't even looked. Where's your phone? Get it maybe there was something wrong."

"Meredith," he said standing in front of her. "We are on our honeymoon. We got a fax from my mother this morning, we know they are fine. Forget the text messages and the emails and let's enjoy our time together."

"Aren't you curious?"

"No," he lied.

"Fine."

He laughed. "Oh, that fine is going to come back and bite me in the ass."

"Let's go," she laughed, "and bring your phone."

"Why, I'm not curious."

"Fine. But, I am," she said as he handed her his phone.

"There's over thirty messages here Derek," she laughed, "we have to look at them."

"Yeah…I figured we are," he said resigned to hearing about them, and delighted at her playful and lighthearted mood.

Derek had every intention of driving with the top down, and for good measure there were a couple of blankets in the back seat of the convertible, and one of the reasons for him thanking Antonio for all the arrangements made. It had also included finding the right chargers and converters for the camera and their phones, which apparently Meredith thought happened magically. He had indeed known about his many messages, but figured she'd enjoy reading and answering them, while as she put it one of the spouses withheld sex.

"What are you smiling about," she said as she glanced at him before clicking her seatbelt.

"Nothing."

"Derek…"

"I'm just happy Meredith. Very happy."

"So am I Derek," she said leaning over and kissing him.

"I love you," he said.

"Me too," she said, biting his lip lightly. "Now tell me, why were you smiling?"

He laughed and told her about the blankets, the phones and kept quiet about a few other arrangements.

"Of course I know these things don't charge magically, Derek," she told him, "but…" she teased, "that's what husbands are for."

"So they are," he chuckled, as they pulled out of the Villa and began the day's journey.

"Where are we going first?"

"I thought Cernobbio, but since we've changed plans…maybe just drive to Lugano first?"

"That's fine," she said, "are you sure you know where we're going?"

"Yes…"

"I guess that GPS could come in handy if we need it," she commented.

"Yep…and it's going to be your job to put in the addresses."

"What?"

"You already have a chauffer…you can help…instead of being …"

"A back seat driver?"

"Well…wonders never cease…" he laughed.

"Yeah…I remember one of those common phrases every once in a while," she said, and smiled as he reached for her hand and kissed it.

"We're about eight minutes from the border, and hopefully it won't be too busy. Read the messages, you know you're dying to."

"You think you know me so well," she smiled, squeezing his hand gently.

"I know I do…intimately."

"So do I Derek…so do I…"

"Yes…you do…and I'm looking forward to more of our favorite things…"

"I love you Derek."

"Oh…oh…what did I do now?"

"Nothing, you idiot," she laughed. "I'm not the diversion expert."

"Mer," he said, as he maneuvered through the roads leading to Chiasso, "when we get back tonight…"

"Uhmmm…" she said, knowing fully what he was talking about.

"We can have dinner and go to that local bar…and…"

"I'll wear my black dress…" she said as she placed her hand on his thigh, squeezing it gently, her fingers caressing slightly and felt him take a deep breath in anticipation of what she might do next, but she simply said, "and then…you can…" she paused, a satisfied smile on her face, "take advantage of me again…like the first night."

"Me…" he played along, as they'd often done before, "you took advantage…"

"Derek…are you sure…you want to continue this?" she said in a low seductive tone.

"What do you mean," he said glancing at her briefly, enjoying their banter.

"While…" she said, her hand moving higher, "you're driving."

"You're the one with no self control," he teased her.

"Oh really," she said, her hand continuing its agonizingly slow ascent.

"Yes…" he said, reaching for her hand, "and because now…we're at the border…and if you look around Mrs. Shepherd, I'd bet we're on camera."

"What?" she said, quickly pulling her hand away from his.

"Cameras," he said, as his laughter echoed through the air, "border patrol…look ahead. Surely…we're on camera."

"You could have warned me," she glared at him.

"We weren't near here yet, and we have cars in front of us."

"Just you wait," she said attempting to be threatening.

"I can't wait," he laughed and leaned over to kiss her. "I love you."

"Aren't you afraid you're on that permanent videotape now?"

"Makes no difference to me," he said upon her lips, "I love my wife and I don't care who knows it…or sees it…"

"You are so corny."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek," she said and kissed him softly before he had to pull forward in the line of cars waiting to present their documents. It took about ten minutes to get through the line and while she read the messages, she smiled at what Lexie wrote.

"That smile seems like it's not Cristina related," he said.

"Nope, Lexie."

"What did she say?"

"She's just…sort of sweet…"

"Yeah…she is."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I lied."

"About what," he said putting his hand on her thigh, massaging it softly.

"You better stop that, videotapes recording all your perverted thoughts."

"My perverted thoughts," he said, raising an eyebrow at her, "I've just put my hand on my wife's thigh."

"My perverted thoughts then," she laughed.

"The lie?"

"The other day, when Mark commented that Lex had a photographic memory…and I said I didn't know…I lied," she said and scrunched up her nose.

"Why?"

"I wanted to see what he had to say..."

"And?" he prompted.

"She's sort of vulnerable…you know what I mean…and I just wanted to see if he's just you know…setting her up."

"You're being the big sister," he said while caressing her hand. "I'm proud of you."

"I'm trying…" she admitted, "and she's nice…and she's not responsible…she…and Susan was nice…and…if she hadn't died, maybe we would have been friends."

"I think Susan would have made sure of it."

"She's… Lexie that is, she's pretty sure that Susan would be happy that we've been getting closer."

"I know she would be," he said and leaned over to kiss her, right before he saw the flash of red tail lights of the car in front of them, an indication they would be next, "and I think it's nice you have a sister."

"It is," she admitted, "and…that's why I don't want him playing with her feelings…so I'm going to keep an eye on him."

"Xena 2," he smiled as he released the break.

They presented their passports and were allowed to go through without any questions.

"That was easy enough," she said.

"Normally it is. Amazing how simple they've made the process and yet very effective," he said as they crossed effortlessly into Swiss territory and continued on their trip to Lugano.

"So…" she said, "where did we leave off…"

"Exactly, where we are not picking up…" he said grabbing her hand, "not while I'm driving."

"Spoilsport," she giggled.

"I want to be back here and celebrate our anniversary next year…and in forty years."

"No arguments from me," she said, "so…let's see what these messages say."

"Who are they from?"

"Derek, oh…" she said her voice turning soft and sentimental "you have to see this, it's a photo of us at our wedding, Cristina snapped it and sent it to Alex and George and Izzie…Bailey…and well she included us…and everyone at the wedding…and…" she said, as she sniffled.

"Mer…come on…don't do that."

"It's …it's our wedding…and I haven't seen any other pictures…and …"

He reached for her hand, "and your person…was thoughtful enough to send it."

"Yes," she said quietly.

"That was very nice of her."

"She sent two photos and Lexie did too, and then it's their responses saying thanks for including them and that they know we'll be to busy to respond, that's Alex and Izzie by the way, and they congratulate us and all of that," she said, as she read each of the messages to him.

"They are very nice messages," he said, her hand still in his, "we'll have to do something with them when we get back to celebrate."

"That would be nice Derek…just…just our friends and family in Seattle."

"You decide love," he said raising her hand to his lips. "We'll include whomever you want."

"Well, Mark and Lexie and Cristina and maybe … I don't know…we can figure it out."

"Derek, there's a message from Jenna…"

"Jenna?"

"Yes, because they all got the photos from Kat and also each of your sisters."

"What did she say?"

"Derek, can't believe you haven't responded to any of our messages. Meredith you look beautiful. Can't wait to meet you. I'm speaking for all of us, but not so the messages we each sent Derek."

"She knows it's text messages, right," he joked.

"Congrats look forward to seeing you again, that's Nancy."

"Shepherd finally did something right," she giggled, "guess who that is?"

"Miranda."

"She also added, don't make my resident late on Monday," she said, and both of them laughed.

"Mer, I'm surprised Cristina didn't have some biting comment to make."

"She did, but I ignored it and certainly wasn't going to jeopardize your current truce," she said, "you can read it later."

"Are you going to respond to those messages?"

"Already did and told them we'd see them on Monday."

"My sisters too?"

"Nope…you're going to that all by your self," she joked, "once we get to them."

"You realize that's one of your wifely duties," he teased.

"Responding to your messages?"

"No, communicating with my family. We're now one, totally lost our independent identities the minute we said I do."

"Think again Shepherd."

"It's true…Mer…" he teased, "from now on, it's going to be you they harass."

"Derek…seriously…I don't do families too well."

"You're doing families just fine Mer…Mom loves you and Kat, and the rest of the girls will, trust me."

"Trust you…" she said and scrunched her nose, "last time I did that blindly," she emphasized the word, "we had a wicked witch fly in from the east," she joked, and he knew at that moment she truly had put that behind them as she laughed, and leaned over in spite of her seat belt and placed a kiss on his shoulder.

"It feels so good to hear you laugh…to have you be this carefree," he said as his thumb gently massaged the hand he held in his.

"Derek, it's good to hear you laugh too, and it's you that makes me feel this way," she said as she raised their joined hands and placed a soft kiss on his palm, "I don't want to be dark and twisty anymore."

"You're not dark and twisty."

"You know what I mean."

"All I know," he paused, and glanced at her. "Mer, look at me," he said and when she did, "all I know, is you've always brought light to my life."

She was quiet for several seconds prompting him to squeeze her hand and say, "Mer…talk to me."

"I told your Mom," she said very quietly. The wind, in spite of the windows being raised, made it harder for him to clearly hear her words as they traveled along the highway, "you were the brightness in my life."

She felt his hand squeeze hers hard, and his intake of breath, and saw his bottom lip tremble with emotion, and then brought her hand to his lips, repeatedly placing soft, gentle, tender kisses on hand and along her arm, and she felt the same butterflies in her stomach as the day they'd both finally discovered, theirs was the love of a lifetime.

It had only been minutes since she'd spoken, and they had now reached the exit to Lugano, and as soon as he was able found the first parking spot, and stopped along the banks of Lake Lugano.

No words had been spoken as he released her hand and got out of the car and went around to open her door. He reached for her hand to help her out of the car, and pulled her into his embrace.

"You, are unquestionably, the brightness in my life," he whispered, "your gentle, compassionate soul…brought that back to my life…you were and still are like coming up for fresh air…and you are all I ever need…or want."

She held on to him, and he knew if they were facing each other, they'd each see tears in the other's eyes as she said, "thank you…for not giving up on me…for not giving up on us."

"That was never an option," he said quietly, as he released her and looked at her, and then softly kissed her.

"I told her," she said, lowering her gaze, "I…I didn't grow up with family…but, that I'm going to try…I'm going to try…to give you that."

"Hey," he lifted her chin and their eyes met. "You already have…and we're doing this," he said tenderly, against her lips, "together."

"Together," she said in response, kissing him softly.

"I love you, Mrs. Shepherd."

"I love you, Mr. Shepherd," she said and for a few seconds her head rested on his shoulder, allowing him to tightly embrace her.

"Ready for some sightseeing?"

"Yes," she smiled, and leaned back against the car, "but now, tell me. What's this about a band geek?"

"Aren't you going to get to my sister's messages?" he attempted to avoid.

"Not yet, first I want to hear about this."

"It's nothing."

"It's something alright," she giggled, "something you don't want me to know…and as your wife…Derek, I get to know things."

"Not embarrassing humiliating things."

"How bad can it be? We're talking high school…so let's see…uhmmm you had a wild afro and…" she said and saw the stunned look on his face.

"Who told you?"

"What?"

"That…"

"Derek," she giggled, "you had an afro," she continued, unable to hide her amusement.

"It's not that funny."

"Oh…Derek," she said still smiling, "now I get it…all those hair products."

"That's not very nice," he pouted.

"I love your hair…" she smiled, "I don't care how many hair products you use."

"Smart ass," he said, wrapping his arms around her, "I only use one product."

"Tell me…"

"It's not that big a deal."

"But wait, who did you think would have told me?"

"Mark…my sisters…and Bailey…she knows."

"Bailey knows?" she asked incredulously. "Why?"

"It's a long story," he said.

"We have time," she said smiling, "start talking."

"Obviously my sisters and Mark witnessed it, but Bailey," he said and recounted the story of how she knew, and then, "so you see, I had to tell her…and admitted in high school, I was 110 pounds, and I hadn't yet figured out hair product, so I had a big afro. And, um, I had acne... and I too, wore a band uniform and played the sax."

She was trying not to laugh at his expression, "Derek, you turned out really…really well…"

"You think?"

"Absolutely. Beyond any doubts. McDreamy," she teased, "with the moussed up hair, and leaning thing," she laughed making reference to Bailey's comment.

"Moussed up hair and leaning thing…"

"That't what Bailey told Burke, and Cristina told me."

"No respect for their boss."

"McDreamy…" she said, softly running her hand through his hair. "I know I'm going to spend a lot of time fighting off women…coveting my gorgeous husband."

"Are you now?" He asked, his hands cupping her face and kissing her.

"Don't forget it…you're mine…completely…for always…my beast," she added as they both laughed about it, oblivious to the strangers walking along and smiling at the laughing lover's scene unfolding along the banks of one of the most beautiful lakes in Switzerland.

"Your beast," he chuckled, "for always…"

"Untamed…" she said, "don't forget untamed."

"I love you," he said, and repeating what had started the geek conversation, "let's go touring."

"Derek," she said, her voice lower in tone, and her eyes seductively perusing him, "so…the sax…there's something that's very sexy…about a man playing the sax."

"Not in high school," he laughed.

"But…we're not in high school now…" she said and nibbled his bottom lip, "maybe you can play for me sometime."

"I think…" he started to say, then all she heard was a low moan when she deepened their kiss.

"Yes…" she smiled.

"It's all in," he said, nuzzling her neck, "the vocal tracts…and tongue," and biting her lightly, "and mouthpiece…and how you blow…" he finished as she parted her lips to allow his tongue to begin an exquisite exploration of her mouth.

He heard her soft moans, "can't take the heat…" he said, as he felt himself grow hard against her.

"I'm controlling the furnace," she said pressing into him. "Let's turn the heat down, before we get arrested," she said as they recognized the need to keep their desire in check, and simply held each other until Derek was able to pull away from her.

"We have a date Meredith," he said and quickly kissed her, before going around to the driver's seat "tonight at the local bar."

"Looking forward to it, Derek," she smiled. "Turning up the heat, that is."

"Count on it," he winked at her, as he pressed to close the retractable black canvas top.


	159. Chapter 159

**Ch 153 - Dreams and fairytales **

Holding hands they strolled along the promenade for several minutes, enjoying the stunning view of the tranquil blue waters of the lake and mountains surrounding it.

"Derek," she said releasing his hand and placing her arm around his waist, then contentedly resting her head on his shoulder, slowing down her pace considerably.

"It was a nice idea to drive here, it's beautiful."

"It is," he said, and stopped to wrap his arms around her and softly kiss her. "I'm glad Angela mentioned it was such a close distance."

"It's almost surreal," she said wrapping her arms tightly around him and resting her head on his chest.

"The view?"

"No…" she said quietly, lifting her head to look at him. "Us…being here, the last few days…you and me…married."

"Uhmmm…" he said, as he held her close to him with one hand, and he ran the other through her hair, "there are moments I wonder if it's all a dream."

"You've made this trip one of dreams and fairytales," she said, her eyes never leaving his, both visibly emotional over the other's thoughts, and then softer, even gentler, "you made me believe in things I never thought would be part of my life," she lowered her gaze, "things my mother didn't believe in and actually discouraged."

He brought lifted her chin to meet her gaze, "you inspired all I've done…you made me want to give you at least a small taste of those fairytales…of what love can do…of what my love for you inspires."

"Oh…Derek," she said as she placed her lips lightly on his, "I love you so much."

He kissed her, oblivious to the few pedestrians around them, and delighted in showing her and making her feel how very much he loved her.

"You know…if we were not married…" she teased him, "this could be considered lewd and lascivious behavior?"

"If we were not married," he chuckled.

"Uh huh...technically…"

"You think our behavior is lewd and lascivious…" he looked at her, unsure what she was getting at since there was a slight smile on her face.

"Not really," she said purposely encouraging him to ask more questions.

"Well then…"

"My mother," she smiled, "once told me that sex outside of marriage was considered lascivious, and that some counties in Massachusetts still hadn't updated those laws from two hundred years before."

"Why would she say that to you?"

"Probably her way of trying to keep me from having sex."

"Uhmmm," he chuckled, "that was a good deterrent."

"You ass…" she giggled.

"You seem to love me," he kissed her softly, "in spite of that…and being brainless and a moron and a slew of other things."

"Derek, I love you."

"Now what…" he joked, alluding to their diversion mechanism.

"Only that," she said, softly caressing the stubble on his check and kissing him, "only that I love you."

"Only that you love me," he repeated, kissing her softly and leisurely, and then deepening their kiss, "that…Meredith is everything…all I'll ever need."

"So…you still love me," she asked, "even when I say or tell you things that may make you have some doubts."

"Mer…there are no doubts…none and, I love you more with each passing moment," he told her, "each time you choose to share something with me...I only love you more."

"Derek, after so long…so long without telling you…now…now…I just want to tell you I love you…every time I get the chance."

"I love you hear you say it…every time…and to tell you that I love you Meredith…for always."

She looked down at their wedding bands, "for always…what were the chances…we'd both have the same words inscribed on our rings," she said and holding his hand ran her thumb over his ring.

"Uhmmm…" he said upon her lips, "with us…there was no other option…it's what legends are made of…Meredith, ours, a love of legends…finally getting our happily ever after."

She wrapped her arms tightly around him, "legends…for always…" she whispered, "our once upon a time is now."

"Once upon a time is now…" he agreed capturing her lips.

"Except," she teased, a bit breathless after their kiss ended, "there may be variations to that story…"

"Yes…" he laughed, "a change here and there…but Mer…"

"But…" she said arching an eyebrow.

"Always…the love…and the happy ending…that will never change."

"Never," she said and lightly brushed his lips. "I love you."

"I love you too, adore you…" he said as he reached for her hand and began walking, and he heard her laugh.

"What are you laughing at?"

"Derek," she spoke in a joking mood, "we better not be one of those couples that have to have the last word on that," and laughed again.

"The last word?" he asked confused about her meaning.

"There was one time I was stuck on the T with this couple, well not stuck in the sense that I couldn't move, but for about a ten minute ride, and they wouldn't stop touching and kissing and saying I love you."

"Mer…that sounds like us right now…" he laughed.

"Let me get to my point…there's nothing wrong with that, with us I mean…well, we don't have hundreds of people watching us…"

"There were hundreds of people watching them…" he smiled.

"It was rush hour Derek," she said as if that explained everything. "I'd skipped school and spent the afternoon in Boston and was on the way back home before Mom figured it out, and this couple carried on telling each other I love you, and the other would say, I love you more…and after about four times of hearing this I love you more, no I do…crap, I swore I'd never make a fool of myself that way…"

"Oh…so loving someone meant making a fool out of yourself…"

"Remember…I didn't really grow up with public displays of affection from my mom," she paused, "any displays of affection period, and there weren't a lot of role model couples, and what I objected to, you wise ass, was their I love you more crap."

"What do you think now?"

"That love…is the most wonderful amazing feeling…" she said, stopping for a second and kissing him, "and I don't care who knows … how I feel about you and that I want to tell you and show you…whenever I can."

"So…it's ok if I tell you I love you more…"

"You can…" she said, smiling, "you're just not ever going to hear me argue with you about it…"

"So…you don't love me more…"

"Probably," she teased, "but we're not going to be that couple…it was so saccharine and immature and they probably ended up divorced."

"Oh…" he lamented, "the end of romance…"

"Derek…" she said more seriously, wanting to make sure he understood her, what she was trying to convey. "When I hear you tell me I love you…my heart beats faster and sometimes…when our eyes meet, my heart skips a beat…and it feels like there's no way possible I can love you more than at that moment…then…I know that I do. That love, my feelings keep growing…because when I look in your eyes…I see that you love me just as much…or more sometimes…and that is all I need to know…our love Derek…there's no competition…it just is…and it's the most priceless gift I've ever had. You…your love, in my life."

"I feel the same way, and you're right…there is no competition. Meredith…when you told me I love you…weeks ago...they were the most beautiful words I'd ever heard, and I will remember that moment as one of the most meaningful in my life."

"The voice of my heart…and soul," she said softly.

"As mine," he said, "and that's all we need…"

"That's all we need," she said as he hugged her close to him and nuzzled her neck.

They continued their leisurely stroll along the promenade sharing stories and laughing until they reached the busier business district and crossed the street, casually enjoying a bit of window shopping until they came across a bakery.

"Derek, we can't pass up those pastries," she said as they stopped in front of Munger's, a well known tea room and bakery in the city.

"Mer…it's just after noon, we can have an early lunch instead," he said, his healthy eating habits kicking in at the sight of trays filled with pastries, cakes, chocolates and a variety of artery clogging delicacies.

"Derek…those pastries are calling out to me…and look, they have fifteen varieties of hot chocolate," she said, and he could tell she was already anticipating the drink and when she smiled at him and said, "please…" he knew saying no was not an option, and held the door open for her.

"What would you like," he asked as they approached the overflowing display case and saw her bite her lower lip in thought, and then he laughed, "order one of each Mer."

"Really?" her eyes lit up as a kid's would in a candy store.

"Really," he chuckled quietly and put his arm around her waist, "whatever you want."

She selected five different pastries and saw he was trying to suppress a smile, and glared at him in mock offense, "what…I'm going to share."

"Uh huh…" he smiled, as did the lady helping them, and they went to sit at a small table before their cups of chocolate were served, two different kinds Meredith had said so they could each taste each other's variety.

"Derek," she said, when she'd finished tasting the fourth pastry, and had insisted he at least try a bite of each, reasoning a bite of each was equivalent to just one pastry. "Those chocolates look really good, and this place has been here for over eighty years and if they are as good as these pastries," she said fully savoring the bite she'd just put in her mouth, "they would be great to take back home…like souvenirs, you know Swiss chocolates are some of the best…and it would save us shopping…and wasting time…"

"Meredith," he laughed, "you can get whatever you want," and brought her hand to his lips, "they'll be great souvenirs…who are we buying for?"

"I was thinking a box of chocolates for everyone…you know a thank you for the Chief and Bailey for giving us the time off on such short notice…and the Fab4…and of course Alex , George and Izzy…and Joe…we can get a couple of extra boxes just in case…"

"It's a good thing there's no limit on my American Express," he joked, but it had a totally different effect on Meredith.

"I can pay for them Derek," she said, and he was stunned at her words and the lingering insecurities, but was most upset by the distant look in her eyes as she lowered her gaze and put her fork down.

"Meredith," he said softly, very tenderly reaching for her hand and forcing her to look at him. "I was joking, just making light of it…and happy you're thinking of our friends. I'm sorry if I made you feel any other way. There's no limit to what you can spend…it makes me happy that we're doing this…together as a couple…and we'll be shopping for our friends back home."

She remained quiet. He deeply regretted making the comment and though he knew he needed to allow her to process her thoughts, and nothing he said right now would matter, he insisted. "Mer, I'm sorry. Please don't look away from me."

"Don't be sorry," she said curtly. "You have nothing to be sorry about."

"I do…because I shouldn't have joked about something I realize you're sensitive about, and I've made you sad."

"You don't need to walk on eggshells around me," she said, and he saw the tears brimming and her efforts to fight them back.

He moved the chair closer to hers and placed his arm around her. "Please don't cry."

"I'm not crying."

"You're trying not to," he said and embraced her, "and it makes me sad that I'm responsible."

She buried her face in his neck, "I'm sorry…I was curt…and I don't know what happened. I'm sorry…Derek…suddenly, I had no control of my emotions…and I overreacted…I'm sorry…maybe…it's…it's still hormones playing havoc and my thoughts were all over the place."

"No more apologies…" he whispered in her ear, "ok?"

"Ok," she said and lifted her face to look at him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he said and kissed the top of her head. "Please finish your pastry," he said as he grabbed the fork and cut a small piece of the last pastry and brought it to her lips, "you have to tell me which one you liked best."

"Derek," she said, again surprising him. "Do you want us to have a prenup?"

"What?" he asked incredulously.

"It's…you know…draw up an agreement, well I don't know what they call it…since we're already married, but it would protect your assets…"

"Are you purposely trying to make me angry?"

"No," she said, "of course not…it's just…that…now…I was thinking maybe it was something that would be good…for you…since your assets…your income are far superior to mine and those things are not important to me."

"Meredith," he said in a low serious tone. "I married you for a lifetime, and I thought you did the same."

"Of course I did…I just…I want you to have the option…"

"Listen to me…very carefully…because we are not going to talk about this again. Yes, I currently make more than you do, and I've been doing this a lot longer, and therefore my assets are bound to be more than yours, and one day you will likely make as much or more than I do. But, if you tell me today, tomorrow or a year from now that you don't want to work anymore...that you want to stay home and take care of our children…or simply stay home, with or without children, or change your career…anything…anything you want…that's what our life will be like, and money does not dictate what I feel for you, and I sure as hell," he said looking at her intensely, "know it does not dictate what you feel for me."

"Derek…" she tried to soothe him.

"No. Let me finish. You have your own property and your mother's inheritance…and that will remain yours, and we've already talked about this, it will be for our children, or whomever you choose."

"Derek…"

"When we get back," he continued without allowing her to interrupt, "you will be added to my bank accounts, my credit cards… the property deeds and anything I own that is of monetary value. That is a marriage, and I am not going to ever plan for its potential dissolution, because you and I promised each other that no matter what happens, we will not allow the other to turn away …and you promised me a lifetime…Meredith," he said, and she heard the emotion in his voice, "and I'm not going to let you take that back."

"I don't want to take it back," she said, reaching for his hand, "ever."

"Then," he said, as he swallowed past the lump in his throat, "please, don't ever bring it up again."

"Derek…" she said softly.

"What," he responded a bit harsher than he meant to.

"I won't…but…if that's what you want me to do, then…my house…my inheritance…we share that too…starting when we go back."

"Fine," he said, without looking at her.

"Fine," she teased him, kissing him softly, "Meredith fine?"

"Meredith and Derek fine," he conceded with a smile.

"Derek…"

"Yes," he said softly.

"You're still not paying for my gifts to you…"

He smiled, "I guess that means I won't get that sports car for my birthday…"

"Ass," she smiled, and he kissed her, and they knew they'd make it through this and any other unexpected miscommunication crisis.

"What's the verdict," he asked, "which was the best?"

"This one," she said as she brought a bite to his lips, and then kissed him.

"I agree," he said, and kissed her back, "this one's the best."

"As long as we agree," she smiled, both knowing they were talking about the kiss shared after their misunderstanding and mutual overreaction.

"Mer…"

"Derek…"

"We're making progress…"

"We are…we're not avoiding…we're dealing with our issues right away…"

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek."

"Let's get the chocolates," he said, "and walk off what we just ate," he smiled at her and winked, "well, what you just ate."

"Are you suggesting I can get fat," she joked.

"I love you Mer…"

"Not so brainless," she laughed, "diversion…once again…"

"Mer…you could never be fat."

"Good answer," she giggled.

"You could gain a few pounds…"

"Derek…don't push your luck."

"You're perfect Mer…but even if you gained weight …I'd feel the same way."

"I'll remind you of that…some day…when I'm as fat as a whale and waddling like a penguin."

"You'll be beautiful…whenever that day comes…you will be beautiful," he said drawing her close to him.

"Thank you," she said softly.

"It's the truth," he said and tightening his arm around her waist.

"We should take a box of pastries for Angela and Antonio."

"For Angela and Antonio," he smiled.

"Yes, and one for us too," she smiled back, "if you plan to keep me up all night, I'll need snacks."

"Who says I plan to keep you up all night," he whispered.

"Oh…I forgot…my old panther has limitations," she teased.

"Bite your tongue," he laughed, and her giggle warmed his heart. All was fine between them once again.

Meredith kept remembering people, and her count was up to eighteen boxes of chocolates.

"Mer…you don't think that's a bit much…carrying eighteen pounds of chocolates?"

"We have to take them something Derek, and they're so good," she said as she savored a sampler they had just given her.

"Maybe we can get smaller souvenirs, that don't weigh as much or we'll need to get a suitcase."

"That is true," she agreed, "maybe we won't get them and try to find something else, maybe even a bit more personal for each person, rather than the same thing. You're right, that could be seen as thoughtless, you know…that we didn't even think enough of each person to find something they'd like."

"Ok…" he said, immediately realizing he'd be spending a lot of time shopping rather than alone with his wife, "you know what, we can have them shipped, I'm sure they'll do that," he said and proceeded to ask the lady helping them.

"What made you change your mind," she said amused by the quick change of mind.

"That I'd rather be spending time alone with you…" he spoke quietly in her ear, "then shopping for eighteen different gifts."

"Smart man…" she laughed, "but there's still a bit of shopping I want to do…not much…but maybe a couple of things."

"You were going to do that anyway, but these are done, and Mer…we're on our honeymoon, nobody is expecting us to buy them gifts, they'll be surprised we found time, much less care what we bought."

They made the arrangements for the shipping, and took three boxes of chocolates with them as well as two with pastries, which she let Derek carry.

"I'm really not big on shopping Derek," she said as they walked holding hands, "but it's more fun when you get to carry the bags."

"I figured I'd be good for some use."

"You're good for many many…" she turned to kiss him, "many things."

"What…less than two days of marriage and already I'm being judged by my package carrying ability."

"You," she laughed, "bring so many talents…I can't believe I didn't marry you sooner."

"Flattery is not going to get you anywhere now," he joked.

"Wanna bet?" she said in a low seductive voice.

"No," he laughed, "I only bet on guaranteed wins."

They were window shopping though not a lot of attention was paid to what was actually in the window displays until they reached a store specializing in linens.

"Derek… do you mind if we go inside?"

"Uhmmm…" he said, pleased she'd seen something she may like to purchase, and especially that it was all somehow connected to bedrooms, and led her inside.

She walked over to several of the displays of linens, and ran her hand over the material, "this feels sinful," she spoke quietly to him, "the quality is really exquisite."

"It is," he agreed, when she took his hand and placed it on the linens. "Get them."

"Have you looked at the prices, Derek, the set is more than a month's worth of rent at most places."

"Meredith…if you like them, please get them."

"We can get sheets at home," she said, as he saw her running her hand through another set of linens she had already looked at. A saleslady approached and spoke to them about the endurance and beauty of fine linens and how they would last for years, and the various textures and linens the quaint specialty shop carried.

Meredith thanked her and said they'd look around, and then Derek was looking at a down comforter and trying to talk her into getting it. "Derek, it's over eight hundred dollars."

"I like it, and so do you…and it will last for years," he said, reading some of the information regarding the Christian Fischbacher design, "and it…"

"You sound like the saleslady," Meredith told him.

"I've never met a woman who didn't like to spend money. Even Mom is a spender when she travels."

"I'm not most women," she told him smiling.

"Thank God," he smiled back and kissed her. "Let's get this Mer…our first purchase together…for our home…well, when we build the house…we'll use this before…but then for our bedroom…in the wilderness…" he gave her their look, "it will be cold and this is a great way to keep warm."

"I was counting on other ways to keep warm…but…if you don't think…" she teased.

"I was thinking about the nights we have to sleep alone when one of us is working," he said right away.

"Uh huh…" she laughed.

"Come on Mer…it will be ours…the first thing we buy as a married couple. Let me do this…let me pamper you…in ways I can…"

"Fine," she conceded, knowing one more look for him and she'd give in to anything.

He spoke to the saleslady and before Meredith realized it, he included a set of the sheets she'd looked at twice, and three sets of towels.

"Derek, are you crazy, we don't need those."

"You liked them, you went over there twice…and they're our favorite red…we love red sheets Meredith…" he whispered seductively, "and you had those towels in your hands twice."

"That…that's beside the point," she said, her objections diminishing "Derek…we have sheets…and towels."

"But, we're going to use these," he told her, and kissed her, "the first night we're back from our honeymoon …and the first night we sleep in our new home…and the first time we make love…after we have a baby…" he said softly, drawing her into his embrace, "and then…when our second son is born…and each time…we have something special to celebrate," he finished, "which could be all the time…because…each night or day with you…is special."

The saleslady kept her distance as the intimacy of the exchange between them became obvious, and smiled. She knew she'd have a substantial sale in the next several minutes.

"You have to stop doing this Derek," she said, as she leaned in to him, conscious of the people around her, she only caressed his face and looked into his eyes smiling, "you're making me a sentimental watering pot."

"I love my sentimental watering pot."

"I love you too," she said and quickly kissed him.

They did not have the color sheets they wanted in stock, but after several minutes of McDreamy charm they were told they would have everything delivered to them on Saturday morning, and after the lady was compelled to inform them on the care of luxury linens and heard Meredith say they'd just be thrown in the washer and drier, she told them their sheets would be delivered freshly laundered for them to use when they returned home from their honeymoon.

"Derek Shepherd," she said once they'd left the store. "You are a flirt and if you continue to encourage women, you're going to need that down comforter to keep you warm every night."

"You're jealous," he smiled.

"Yes," she said, "and you already know that."

"Meredith," he said, cupping her face, "you never have to be jealous…you're the only woman I want."

"That's not the point," she said, "they don't know that."

"Of course they do, you're my wife," he smiled, "and I think the rings we're wearing give a little indication of that."

"Derek…"

"Yes…love."

"I don't like other women ogling you…and undressing you with their eyes."

"But…they don't matter…you're the only one that matters," he said, kissing her softly.

"Don't encourage them…you did back there," she said, "I don't like it."

"Mer…I wasn't flirting with them…"

"I know, it's just you. But I'm the only that has a right to look at you and undress you," she smiled seductively, "just don't forget it."

"Just thinking of you undressing me with your eyes," he whispered, holding her close to him, "makes me want to forget all propriety and show you how much I want you…only you…right here and now."

"Careful…" she said nipping at his earlobe, "we don't want to get arrested…"

"Uhmmm," he said keeping his want for her in check, "Mer, I wasn't flirting with them…"

"I know…I just wanted to make it very clear…how I feel…and…as Mark would say."

"Mark your territory…"

"You are all mine," she teased, biting his lower lip somewhat gently, "completely mine…"

"Your old beast…"

"My insatiable beast," she laughed as he pressed his body intimately against her, and after several minutes, continued their stroll through the shopping streets of Lugano.

"Meredith," he said quietly, his own insecurities undisguised, "do you doubt my feelings for you?"

"Of course not, Derek…I was just teasing you…I mean…about getting jealous and you flirting…well, I do get a little jealous Derek…but, I trust you…I do… I just don't want other women looking at you. But I trust you…I do…"

"Thank you," he said as he squeezed her hand.

"We've had our share of ups and downs today," she said squeezing his hand back, and then bringing it to he lips.

"Good ups and downs," he said, "we've cleared things up…each step of the way."

"Yes…it's good to talk Derek…it is…and no avoiding."

"It is Meredith, it's very good to talk."

.

"Derek, do you remember our one hundred steps…"

"I do…"

"We're there…we've made it there…"

"We're there…" he repeated. "What does that mean?"

"That I'm ready…ready…when we get home, for whatever steps come next."

"I love you," he said smiling, and brushing her lips with his.

"I love you too," she smiled back, and they continued their walk with intermittent stops along the way to gaze at a window display or exchange a kiss.

"Derek, let's go in, there's something I'd like to see."

"An antique store?"

"Yes," she said as she pulled him along and walked inside and picked up the item and asked him, "do you like this?"

"It's nice," he said, surprised by her selection as he held a frame labeled, Art Deco 1927.

"Let's ask how much it is. It could be nice for our wedding photo, don't you think?"

"Very nice," he smiled, ready to spend whatever price, for what she'd selected for their wedding photo. The fact she was thinking about it, made it priceless.

The small antique store, apparently quite reputable given the selection and few clients within, held a variety of items that seemed to have caught his wife's attention. She was having a detailed discussion over an item he could not see, while he discussed the price of the frame.

What Derek failed to see was that Meredith provided her credit card and information regarding where to ship whatever it was that had caught her attention, obviously something she did not want him to see.

"Meredith," he said walking over to her, "do you want this?"

"How much is it?"

"That's not what I'm asking."

"It depends on the price," she said ever so quietly.

"Five thousand," he said with a dead pan expression, "it belonged to a queen."

"Are you out of your mind?" she said in hushed tones.

"I'm kidding. Do you like it?"

"Derek…we can't just spend money," she said, a little guilty since she had just purchased something, unaware of its true value, for over half her month's salary.

"Meredith…you said you'd like this for our wedding picture…do you?"

"Yes," she admitted. It had caught her attention immediately, but then she'd seen the other item, and knew she was going to get it for him, whatever the cost. She smiled. Her mom's inheritance had just shrunk a bit. "I saw it and liked it for our wedding photo."

"Ok, then," he said, and walked back to the owner. "We'll take it."

"It's a beautiful frame, Mr. Shepherd, one of a kind, very unique and this is no longer used, it's impossible to duplicate it now. It's also handmade."

Derek smiled, "my wife saw it and liked it for our wedding photo."

"Mrs. Shepherd," the other man addressed her, "you asked about the ladies room, it's right this way," he said and she followed him, and signed the credit card and verified the shipping information.

"We've seen some photos of Belvedere Gardens as we walked today, how far is it," Derek asked before they left.

"It's about a six minute walk," they were told, "maybe four…depends how fast you walk, and well worth the visit," the owner said, "it's promoted as an harmonious fusion between nature and culture, and all the sculptures are made by artists from this canton."

"What were you looking at?" Derek asked as they left the shop.

"They had some nice things, all expensive, but nice things."

"Did you want to get something else?"

"No…the frame is what caught my attention, but the other things were just interesting to look at."

"Mer…I know you're not big on material things, I get that…I do…but, if you want to get anything…please…just tell me."

"I know Derek, I know, and I did, I saw that frame…and I went in to look at it."

"Ok…just…"

"Derek," she said and turned into his arms and lifted her face for him to kiss her, "I will."

The walk to Belvedere Garden took fifteen minutes. Plants, flowers, palm trees, olive trees, magnolias and roses graced the park, with sculptures scattered throughout and benches providing the perfect place for two lovers needing the peace and comfort only the other was capable of offering. Meredith and Derek strolled through the park enjoying its beauty, noting the plaques with names of trees and origin in the subtropical section, and then they found a park bench facing the lake, and rested.

Derek put his arm around her shoulder and she laid her head on his, her left hand reaching for his as they sat, words unspoken, communicating their love for each other in the small simple gestures of gentle squeezes of their hands, and the ever so tender caress of each other's hands.

Derek turned his face and kissed her temple, then the top of her head, breathing in the smell of lavender he had longed for while they were apart.

"When I was a little girl," Meredith began to say quietly, her voice almost a whisper, "and I went to school, the other kids believed in fairy tales, and prince charming…and the white dress you would wear when prince charming would carry you away to a castle on a hill. But, I did not have that. My mom did not believe it was healthy to promote those fantasies."

"Meredith," he said softly, kissing her gently, "you don't have to talk about this."

"I want to," she said. "Then, once I was in school I too got to read those fairytales, and it was contagious. You believed in Santa Claus and the tooth fairy and Prince Charming, and sometimes I would lie in bed at night and close my eyes and had complete and utter faith. But then, my mom would set me straight, and tell me to stop daydreaming, and do whatever task I'd been charged with, and the fairy tales and those dreams slowly disappeared, but somehow, there was the smallest bit of hope, of faith in me, that one day…maybe those dreams could come true."

"I want to make your dreams come true, Meredith…I want to try…I will try everyday, for the rest of our lives, to give you the fairy tale…and like today, I may not always be your prince charming…I'll be your toad…a bit tarnished," he said as he spoke and kissed her hair again, "but I will try…and our once upon a time…our fairy tale…will come true."

"Derek," she said, her voice catching slightly before she continued, as she turned to face him, "I was telling you this morning…you've already made my fairy tale come true, this week, you made my dreams come true."

"Do you have any idea how it scares me…the thought of failing you…how petrified I am, that I will fail you…that you will one day regret trusting me again…that I won't be enough for you," he said with such emotion and sincerity, she knew she never had to worry, and it was her turn to reassure him.

"Long ago," she said as she cupped his face, and ran her fingers through his hair, "I'd given up on all those dreams…and then you came in to my life and took me by surprise…as it happens once in a blue moon…and you brought hope back to my life."

"Meredith," he said, and she silenced him with a kiss.

"Derek, you took my breath away…and made my life complete."

"You…you are what inspires me…do you understand…that only you make me feel this way, just like you…you took my breath away…I was drowning and you saved me and brought faith back to my life."

"We brought that to each other, Derek…and now…we'll be together…for a lifetime."

"And beyond," he said, as tears gathered in both their eyes, "a lifetime and beyond."

Yes," she whispered, as her lips brushed his, "a lifetime and beyond."

Theirs was a gentle kiss, healing and tender, restrained as the passion ignited longed to be unleashed, but accepting that this was only a prelude to the hours that would follow.

"Derek," she said softly, kissing his lips lightly, her hands caressing the back of his neck, the curls of his hair her exclusive playground, "when we have kids…"

"Yes…" he said holding her close to him, deepening their kiss.

"I want them to believe in fairy tales…and Santa Claus, and the tooth fairy and prince charming, well, in our case…the beautiful princess they have to rescue."

"They will…" he smiled, "they will Meredith…they'll have us to remind them."

"They'll have us…and our legend…" she smiled upon his lips.

"Our fairy tale," he chuckled, "with just a few edits," he said and they reached out to embrace the other, as their laughter rang through the gentle breeze of a beautiful and sunny afternoon along the shores of a lake of timeless beauty.

_AN 25 JAN - Naturally they always speak more than anticipated, but it's building their relationship and eliminating future misunderstandings, so I let them. I've taken some liberties in terms of the distance within Lugano…though all the places mentioned exist. __This was supposed to be one chapter ending with their visit to the bar…but turned to two…Thanks for reading, hope you are enjoying reading about the continuing strengthening of their relationship and commitment._

_The last two paragraphs include some of Meredith's voice overs on Grey's, which I thought fit perfectly at the end of this chapter. _


	160. Chapter 160

**Ch 154 – Tease… fast…slow…enticing**

They remained nestled in each other's embrace, enjoying the tranquility of their surroundings, birds chirping the only distraction as even the close sounds of traffic seemed to be muffled against the backdrop of their serenity. Every so often pedestrians walked by, and then the universal joy of children's laughter was heard as a boy and girl hopped along beside their mother pushing a stroller.

His hold on her tightened and she rested against him, accepting the comfort she knew he wanted to convey as she felt his lips kiss the top of her head.

"Derek," she said several minutes later, and her hand inched its way under his sweater, smiling at his reaction when her fingers began to gently stroke his stomach, "I'm going to miss this…when we get back."

"You're going to give this up," he smiled, encouraging her lighthearted mood, and reached for her hands, bringing them to his lips, "no more fondling, when we get back," he joked as he began to kiss each finger, "you mean the honeymoon's going to be over when we cross the ocean?"

Seriously," she giggled, "you think that's ever going to happen?"

"I hope not," he said nibbling her lips, and she bit back playfully before embracing him once again.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Do you," she paused, biting her lower lip, momentarily lost in thought.

"Do I what?" He hugged her closer, his lips kissing her neck.

"Do you ever think…I mean, we had a disagreement, and I don't mean to say things that upset you…but," she rambled on, "lately, this last few days…I think of things and I don't hold back and I want to tell you, but maybe you'll think it's too much…I've told you a lot about me, my mom…all just too dark and cloudy…"

He remained quiet, and when he felt her attempt to move away, held her closer. "It's ok…" he whispered. "Meredith, I want you to tell me how you feel, what you think without holding back."

"I don't even recognize me…Derek…wanting to talk…but it feels, it just feels that sharing things with you…it helps for you to understand me a little…even when there are times I don't understand myself."

"Meredith," he said, shifting his body slightly so he could see her face without releasing her from his embrace, "I love you, just as you are, and it means a lot to me that you are talking to me…sharing your thoughts, your life with me."

"Not too dark…"

"You are perfect to me…all of you... your past shaped who you are…and now we'll share our future…and I hope that as the years go by we will create new memories that will make some of those bad memories a little easier."

"Derek…remember at Joe's when my mother was lucid?"

"Yes."

"I did have a terrible childhood," she said. Her eyes misted, her thoughts traveling to a much darker place.

"I know," he said, and his mouth opened slightly before capturing her lips for a reassuring kiss.

"You're going to need to help me," she said as his lips left hers, "make sure our kids…have a wonderful childhood."

"I will…" he said softly, "but, you're going to have to help me too, because I've never done that before."

"You had a wonderful childhood," she said, misunderstanding what he meant.

"But, I've never had kids before," he smiled, "so we'll be learning together."

"Oh…but…you grew up … with your sisters…your family…a happy childhood and you have tons of nieces and nephews…"

"Mer," he said quietly, bringing his hand to her face, gently caressing her, "it wasn't always happy."

"Derek…"she said, "I'm sorry, I should have realized…been sensitive, your Dad..."

"Hey," he whispered as he kissed her forehead, "I meant that…in childhood, things happen…and like Mom did, we'll just deal with them…and do the best we can, but we'll do it together, our kids will never doubt how much we love them and how much we love each other."

"Even if argue…"

"Even then…" he smiled, cupping her face with both hands, kissing her, "especially then."

"Derek…I'm always going to be there…like you said, even when I yell…or you yell…and we'll both always show up…and like we've been doing these last days…we won't let the other avoid problems."

"We won't," he assured her and kissed her softly before wrapping his arms around her, "and you know…there're things in my past…that may be a bit cloudy too…"

"There are…" she said, her face lighting up at a new discovery.

"You don't have to look so happy…over my possibly dark…cloudy past."

"I'll be happy knowing more about you Derek…so we can understand each other better…not jump to conclusions so much…"

"We are very good at doing that," he agreed.

"Yes, but at least now we're talking about it."

"Yes…yes, we are," he said as she detected a bit of sadness in his voice.

"Derek…I don't want you to be sad."

"Sometimes, just like you, I have insecurities too…of you not liking some of my behavior in the past."

"Derek, we have a lifetime to learn about each other, but I know…in my heart, there is nothing…nothing that would make me think differently of you than I do right now. You and me, what we've been through…this month, these past few days…we've made it Derek…we've passed all those tests…we're in this for a lifetime…at least I am."

"Don't ever doubt it. I'm in this for a lifetime…and beyond."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith."

The quiet surroundings were once again filled with children's laughter as the same family they saw earlier walked back. This time joined by another woman with a stroller, and an older boy and the two kids ran further ahead of their mothers and heard the soft reprimand that made them stop, impatiently waiting for the women to catch up with them.

"They look like sisters," Meredith said. "Do your sisters do that…I mean get together with their kids at the park and things like that?"

"They are very close and yes they do that often."

"I'd like our kids to have that…family…"

"We'll make sure they get to know their cousins."

"And their aunts and I want them to know your Mom Derek, to enjoy having a grandmother."

"We'll visit and Mom will too and they'll have their Seattle family. I don't know about Cristina having kids," he laughed, "but Izzie should, and there's Aunt Lexie…and Uncle Mark as I'm sure he'll appoint himself."

"Aunt Lexie and Uncle Mark," her smile spread.

"Meredith…you're smiling."

"I know…"

"Fess up," he said as he tickled her.

"About what?" She giggled, squirming in his arms. "You're imagining things," she continued smiling and made him stop tickling her.

"Like hell I am. You, Mom and Kathleen have been exchanging these secret smiles every time Lexie and Mark are mentioned."

"Derek, he is too old for her. Way too old for her, but he's been very sweet with her, have you noticed?"

"You are not going to try to play matchmaker."

"Of course not," she lied, feeling a bit guilty, but quickly reconciled that she didn't know how she felt about it, just yet. "I told you, he's too old and she's vulnerable and if he plays with her you're going to have to kill him."

"Why do I sense the three of you are plotting something?"

"We're not, but sometimes you get these feelings…"

"That's what I'm afraid of."

"Derek, she's my sister. I've just discovered what that feels like…I have a sister…and even when I was not nice to her, she wanted to know me and was there for me when I needed her, and it's a good feeling…and I care about her, a lot."

"I know all this."

"I've told her I loved her."

"I know you have."

"I trusted my feelings. I don't say that to many people and I don't want to see her hurt."

"We'll both look out for her."

"He can be nice to her…and if…"

"Meredith…" he warned.

"He can be nice to her…that's all," she said. I'm going to keep an eye on him and encourage his relationship with Tracy. I like her, and she doesn't seem to take his crap."

"You will do no such thing," he told her, "you need to stay out of it, and he and Tracy will handle their relationship without any meddling."

"Meddling…" she said too quietly and drawn out for his liking.

"Yes, meddling."

"So…I was a nag earlier and now you say I'm meddling."

"Yes."

"You think that's going to earn you any brownie points…" she said, pretending and failing to be serious.

"I didn't know I had to earn any…" he joked.

"Calling your wife a nag and a meddler are a sure way to lead to sleeping on the couch."

"We are not going to be one of those couples that sleep on the couch…ever…" and kissed her deeply, "are we?"

"No," she replied without any desire to contradict him.

"Ok, then, glad that is settled," he smiled.

"Derek…" she smiled, as her hands playfully found their way inside his sweater again. "Aren't you hungry?"

"It's nearly three, we haven't had lunch. I could eat something," he said, and took a deep breath as her cold hands first touched his skin, and then warmed against his stomach making him wish they were not in public.

"I wasn't really talking about food…" she teased. "I miss you…being naked in your arms…and we only have a couple more days…"

"Let's get out of here," he said, and started to get up, but she held him in place.

"Guess you're as hungry as I am…" she said, as her hand caressed his thigh and lightly brushed his crotch.

"You are determined to drive…" he said, grabbing her hand and quickly got up from the bench and pulled her along.

"I'm determined," she laughed, wrapping her arms around his neck, "not to waste any more time…I want to make love with my husband…it's been hours."

"Let's go," he said as he leaned in for a quick kiss, "before we get arrested for what," he laughed, "your mother may have considered indecent and decadent behavior."

She joined in his laughter, "don't make me wait any longer…I may be willing to risk it."

He hugged her close to him, "tease…"

"Uhmmm…" she smiled, "nag…meddler…tease…"

"Beautiful…gorgeous…sexy…enticing…"

"What are you waiting for," she said, and reached for his hand ready to race to the car.

"Meredith, wait," he laughed. "We forgot our bags," he said as he quickly walked to the park bench and picked up two shopping bags.

They reached the car and placed the bags in the trunk. He opened her door and helped her in, then leaned down to kiss her, "I love you."

"So do I," she spoke against his lips, "don't waste more time…it's another half hour before we get back."

"Counting the minutes," he laughed, capturing her lips again.

"Yes…" she said, and placed her hand on his butt, "get your ass moving."

"Your wish is my command," he laughed.

"I'll remind you of that…" she teased and nipped at his lip.

Derek started the car and while the top retracted leaned over to kiss her, "it's been a good day…I'm glad we drove here."

"Me too," she said as she brushed his hair back, "but it's going to be an even better afternoon."

"Twenty seven kilometers…" he said with one last kiss, before getting on the road, "thirty minutes…"

"Speak to me in miles."

"Almost seventeen miles."

"Seventeen huh…lucky number I guess…"

"Is it?"

"Seventeen miles till mind blowing sex…"

"You…" he laughed, "have an uncanny ability to say the damndest things while I'm driving."

"Uhmmm…" she said, resting her hand on his thigh, but he entwined his fingers with hers.

"You don't like my hand on your thigh," she taunted.

"I love your hands on my thigh, all over my body in fact," he said, and raised her hand to his lips, "but I don't want to have to pull off the side of the road."

"Oh…why would we do that…" she teased.

"I don't know a little bit of sightseeing…taking photos of the scenery."

She laughed, "I'm sorry Derek," she joked, "I won't tease you…"

"Please, don't stop…" he smiled and glanced at her for a second, "just not right now," he said as he felt his pants getting tighter.

"This would be a good time for you to respond to the rest of my text messages," she said and got him involved in replies to his sisters, basically saying similar things, that they were glad they saw the photos, they'd share more when they got the rest and would call them when they got back home.

"Tell me…what else has been a lucky seventeen," Derek asked her.

"Unlike today…" she replied, "not quite as memorable."

"Well…what was it?"

"Seventeen shots of tequila…my record at Joe's."

"Seventeen shots…Meredith…"

"Do not judge me."

"I'm not…but…"

"But nothing…you're judging."

"I'm not…I hope he was smart enough to get you a ride home."

"He was," she said quietly.

"Mer, I'm not judging you."

"Fine."

"Oh…no…not fine…tell me about it."

"It's in the past…Derek, I shouldn't have said anything."

"Mer…I've seen you handle lots of shots…but seventeen…what happened?" He asked, encouraging her to talk, as he rubbed his thumb over her hand.

"It's in the past," she said and let go of his hand, turning her face and brushing a tear away."

"What had I done," he said, accepting he'd been responsible. "Tell me, and we can put it behind us. Please."

"You chose her," she said, her words barely audible.

He did not say a word. Instead he pulled to the side of the road and unclasped his seatbelt. "I chose wrong," he said lightly touching her face and meeting her gaze, "and I will always regret that. But, it was you I loved. Since that night at the trailer," he said, the reflection in their misty eyes identical, "it has always been you…only you I've loved."

"I know," she said, and she reached to stroke his stubbled cheek, "me too…since that night…it's always been you in my heart."

"I'm sorry," he said leaning in softly to kiss her, "I should not have insisted."

"Derek…" she said, caressing his cheek again. "We're talking, it's ok…and I may be overly sentimental…you know why…but, it's ok."

"You're ok…" he said softly.

"I'm ok," she said as she kissed him tenderly, reassuring him. "I'm perfect…with you like this…it's all perfect."

"Meredith…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You know, that seventeen…"

"Yes…"

"It's about the number of times we've jumped to conclusions the last few days…"

"You ass," she laughed. "You're probably right."

"Mer, can we make a deal?"

"What's that?"

"That we keep those misunderstandings to seventeen a week…no more…"

"I don't know," she joked, "that's about two a day…and we've already broken that record today…"

"Maybe our deal…it's no more than two per day," he teased her.

"Starting tomorrow…" she giggled, "since we've already surpassed that today."

"It's a deal Mrs. Shepherd," he said, "would you like to seal…"

"Seal it with a kiss," she said, as she leaned in to meet his already parted lips.

They were back on the highway and she said, "this is a good time to look at your messages."

"Go ahead."

"Jenna is pissed we spoke to Nancy, and she's considered rescinding your godfather role," she smiled, "but misses you too much and we better show up, but now the other one says, she understands we may not respond right away and that we actually owe her a visit before the baptism because we got married without including them."

"Figures," he said, "and what is it with you women rescinding godfather roles," he joked, thinking of Mer's threat to Mark, and went silent realizing what he'd said. "Mer…I wasn't thinking," he said, but before he could continue she silenced him.

"We are just using effective threats to keep you in line," she said lightheartedly, "and I plan to hold that over Mark's head to make sure he behaves and expect you to go along with me," she said softly as she reached for his hand, "when the time for that comes along."

"Of course," he said, bringing her hand to his lips.

"This one is hilarious Derek," she read, "well, little brother, as usual, I am the forgotten sister. Jenna's your favorite, Kat gets to see you and attend the wedding, Nancy who's the sourpuss gets to talk to you…and I'm relegated to the backburner, as is your godchild, whom you have not seen in two years, so as Jenna said, yes, Derek, of course I know what she told you, LOL, you and Meredith better get yourselves here to visit this summer. No excuses or I'm sending all my kids to visit, unaccompanied."

"Oh, and she would too, of all my sisters, she'd be the one who'd do that. We'd find ourselves answering the phone to hear, "Uncle Derek…or Aunt Meredith," he smiled, "we're at the airport, Mom said to call you when we landed."

"Derek, she would not," Meredith laughed.

"Wanna bet?"

"How many kids does she have?" Meredith asked in a more serious tone.

"Too many," Derek laughed.

Meredith answered and read it to Derek. "We're just catching up and read your email. Your brother says I can expect a call from the kids telling us they've arrived. So, don't worry, I can't be responsible for kids starving to death, yes, I don't cook. We'll be there this summer, even if just for a weekend, or rather a couple of days, don't think I'll be getting weekends for a long while after Derek pull the proposal/wedding trip stunt."

"You just told her we're going for the summer. She won't let us forget it."

"We've got till September when summer's over…we can get away for two days."

"Thank you," he said, quickly taking his eyes off the road and kissing her.

"For what?"

"Accepting my family…joking with them…she's going to love you."

"They're going to be my family till you're one hundred and ten Derek," she smiled.

"Mer," he chuckled, "I don't think they plan on being around that long…and…"

"Derek," she turned to him, "you are not taking that back now…you promised…and you damn well better be around…for that forty year anniversary…in Venice…and then more."

"I wouldn't dream of letting you down. I'll do everything I can so we have that."

"We will Derek, we will…" she said as she reached for his hand and held it tightly.

She continued reading and responding, condensing their answers to one per sister. "Don't worry Mer. Believe me, they will be exchanging those texts or emails, and they will each know what we've told the other within ten minutes from now."

"Seriously?"

"Seriously. Their network of communication is high tech, has always been."

"You must be a serious frustration for them," Meredith quipped.

"Why?"

"Because according to Nancy, she's not letting you get away with months of silence ever again, in fact and I'm quoting her. You're doomed big brother, if you don't communicate, Meredith will, and yes Meredith, I don't expect to be your favorite like Jenna believes she will be, though…I know it will be Kathleen, and no, I'm not sharing this message with the rest Derek. But, I want to be a good sister in law…and I can be that and I'd like another chance and unlike others…I won't threaten to send my kids unaccompanied."

"Told you they share messages."

"What do I say to her?"

"Whatever you want."

She thought about it for a few minutes and he saw her typing away. "Ok."

"What did you say?"

"We're driving back from Lugano, so I'm reading Derek the messages and writing back as he drives. Nancy, I'd like to start over as well and Derek will communicate, at least once a month, that's better than before, right?"

"You're bossing me around already."

"You like bossy…and you're getting off easy…communicating once a month with her."

They continued the banter and caught up with the replies until they reached Chiasso and Derek mumbled some choice curse words, "we're going to be stuck here for twenty minutes, look at the line."

"The best laid plans of men and mice," she said and he roared with laughter.

"What…" she said rolling her eyes, "I do know some quotes…and I'm sure you had to read Robert Burns' poem as well."

He laughed even harder, earning her scowl. "You're laughing at me…" she pouted.

"Oh Mer," he said, and continued to laugh, "it's of mice and men…"

"That's what I said…"

"No…you said of men and mice," he chuckled.

"Well…whatever…at least I got the two animals right."

"The two animals..." he laughed.

"Yes…mice," she said and then emphasized, "men."

"Mer…I really love you," he said, and leaned over to kiss her as they were now at a standstill waiting to reach border control.

"Right," she said, "so you make fun of me."

"Mer…I'm teasing you…" he said kissing her again.

"I'm glad I was able to provide you some humor."

"Meredith…you're not really mad are you?"

"No, I'm not…besides, I've more than used up our two shots for the day."

"Our two shots…"

"Yes…as in the seventeen shots of tequila," she smiled.

"Yes…" he said, "yes we have," he said as he let her kiss him, "and Mer…we may be on camera…again"

"Who cares," she said and brushed his lips.

"I don't," he agreed.

"Derek, how long do you think we're going to be here, really?"

"Probably another fifteen minutes, why?"

"We should call your Mother."

"We're on our honeymoon. She's not expecting a call."

"She was when we got here, to let her know we're ok."

"She knows we're ok."

"Derek…we're stuck here…nothing we can do."

"Call her," he conceded.

"We'll have to call Kat, she doesn't have a phone."

"Derek, why are you calling?" Meredith heard Kathleen say. "What's wrong?"

"It's Meredith, we're really calling to talk to your Mom."

"Why? You're on your honeymoon. Meredith what's wrong?"

Meredith laughed, "you're just like your Mom, that's what she would have said."

"You have not answered my question," Kathleen said seriously.

"Kat, we just spent the afternoon in Lugano and stuck at the border crossing and we got your Mom's fax this morning, and I thought it would be a good time to call her and let her know we made it here and we're fine."

"Mer, I have a call coming in from home, let me get it make sure everything's ok. We'll call you in a few minutes."

Two cars had advanced as the phone rang. "Meredith," she heard Kat's laughter, "I just heard you're visiting this summer."

"Oh my God," Meredith laughed, "Derek you were right, Kat already got a call that we're visiting this summer."

"Told you," he chuckled.

"Meredith, seriously, why are you responding to emails …nobody expected you to, not now, are you sure everything is ok?"

"Yes…Kathleen, here, talk to Derek," she said handing the phone to him.

"Mer's been hanging around you too long. She's become a nag like you," he said and listened. "We had a thirty minute drive this morning and we can't very well have sex while driving."

"Derek," Meredith smacked his arm.

"What…she of all people, knows about sex…oh, hi Mom."

Meredith's laughter rang through the air, "serves you right."

"Mom, we're fine and I'm sorry I forgot to call you when we got here, no nothing is wrong that we are calling now. We're waiting to cross border patrol, we spent the afternoon in Lugano, it's a short distance away. Yes, you can speak to her, and yes we will email you when we get back home. Yes on Sunday night, but it's easier if I just call you, you don't have to worry about getting emails. Mom, I can afford to call you, you don't have to look for an internet café," he listened to her end of the conversation. "I love you too Mom. Enjoy the rest of your trip."

"Meredith sweetheart, you did not have to call…are you sure everything is ok?"

"Yes, Ailene…well," she giggled, "Carolyn…everything is fine. We'll have to remember to take some photos where we're staying, we got an upgrade and it's a beautiful villa and it's just been wonderful since we got here…"

"Meredith, you're rambling…and you should think about just calling me Mom."

"I guess I am," she laughed.

"Sweetheart, I'm glad you called. I had to send that fax this morning, thank God Kathleen knew where you were staying, and I really didn't expect a response since we knew you were registered and the fax was delivered."

"You're rambling too," Meredith said and then suddenly surprising herself, Derek and his mom, she added, "and I wanted to call, I wanted to talk to you too."

"Oh sweetheart, see…it's not so hard…"

"I…I know…Derek," she said as she felt his hand reach for hers, "he's right…family is not so hard…I can do this."

"You can…you are, and I hear you're visiting this summer. Kat just told me, I thought she was putting me on."

"No," Meredith told her and explained about the messages exchanged, and heard her mother in law laugh.

"I'm coming to see you first, I want to see where my son plans to build you a home, and make sure that cliff is going to be safe." She lowered her voice, "I know he's listening to you, so don't let on, I'm keeping an eye on Mark…and let me tell you, I'll be very surprised if that boy, that's what he is you know. He may be almost forty years old but he acts with the maturity of a twenty year old if that…" she said and Meredith roared with laughter, "so don't be too quick to judge … I get the feeling…" she said and Meredith listened.

"I'll remember that, and of course we are still expecting you to visit, even if we go east this summer. Yes," she giggled, "yes, I kept that in mind," and she giggled again as her mother in law spoke, "ok… not really…I lied, and of course you know."

"What are you talking about?" Derek interrupted.

"Girl talk," she said, and continued talking to his mother. "We'll email you. Yes, the minute we get home. Say hello to Lexie and Mark and Cristina and have fun on the rest of your trip, and be careful in Rome don't carry any valuables…yes, ok…just be safe."

"I love you Meredith," he said as soon as she disconnected, and leaned over to kiss her.

"What…" she questioned. "What have you done?"

"Just," he said, his voice filled with emotion, that I love you more and more each day."

"Derek…"

"My turn," he said, "to be sentimental…you and Mom…I'm glad…I'm happy you can talk to her."

"She's special Derek, and she's made me feel…like maybe one day…I can call her Mom."

"She'll love that, Meredith…she meant it …she's not thinking of you as a daughter in law."

"I know…I'm not thinking of her as a mother in law either."

"Thank you…for being open…to my family."

"Thank you," she said softly brushing his lips, "for sharing yours."

"We'll share both our families," he smiled.

"Yes…yes we will," she agreed and kissed him again, right before they reached the cross border officials.

"Well, we can forget about family…for the rest of this trip…" he said, as soon as they drove away, "even Mom and Kat thought it was strange that we called."

"They did not think it was strange," she giggled, "what they thought was strange is that we were out sightseeing instead of having sex."

"What," he said as he looked at her, "my mother did not say that."

"She might have."

"She did not."

"Fine," she smiled, "she said something else."

"My mother spoke to you about us having sex, just now…"

"Not in so many words…" she teased him, and placed her hand on his thigh, squeezing it softly, then massaging higher.

"Mer…you're playing with fire…"

"I hope so," she said, "we can't be too far away…just …making sure…when we get there…"

"We're less than five minutes away," he said. "Damn slow drivers," he mumbled, as the car in front drove too slowly, "and a no pass zone."

"In a hurry…" she taunted, her hands switching to his shoulder, and playing with the curls at the back of his neck.

"I'm not," he teased back, "I can take things as slow…and easy…as you want…"

"You'll be a dead man if you do," she laughed, as the car came to an unexpected stop.

"Damn traffic light," he muttered.

"Derek," she teased, "good things come to those who wait."

"What's with you…suddenly you're turning into Lexie."

"I can remember some quotes on my own…" she laughed, "and that one was a very good Guinness commercial."

"Guinness commercial," he turned to her and started laughing, as he pressed the button to bring the convertible top up.

"Derek, you're not endearing yourself to me, laughing at me again."

"Mer," he leaned over and kissed her, as the top finished locking in place, and the light turned green, "you are a treasure."

"You're mocking me Derek."

"I promise, I'm not…I'll explain later."

"Why did you put the top up?"

"So we don't waste anytime when we get to the villa. The temperature's already dropping and I don't want the car so cold when we go out this tonight."

"I may not want to go out with you tonight," she pouted.

"You say that now," he teased, as his hand rested on her thigh and they both smiled.

"Derek, will you promise me something?"

"Anything…in my power…"

"After the bar tonight," she said, her hand on his thigh again, working its way higher and higher."

"Meredith…"

"Derek," she said, just as they approached the last turn before reaching the Villa, "will you take advantage of me again?"

The car swerved as he lost control of the car for a fraction of a second, "Mer…are you trying to get us killed?"

"Just making sure…" she smiled as he shifted gears, the roar of the engine indicating his desire to get to their destination, driving faster than he should, and she wickedly teased him as her fingers playfully brushed the bulge of his erection, "there's no slow and easy…"

"Damn right it won't be," he said, and as soon as he shut off the engine they each opened their doors at the same time, but she reached the front door first and waited for him impatiently, not wasting any time as she slipped off her coat.

Barely controlling his desire to bury himself deep inside her, there was just enough for him to tease her, "did I hear you say…" he inserted the key in the front door, "you wanted slow and easy…" and pulled her inside.

"Not for one second…Derek" she said, as she shoved him against the door, "you better not…"

"Better not what," he said, as his mouth captured hers, each pulling at the other's clothing wanting to be rid of them as quickly as possible.

"Why are you wearing a belt," she said undoing his buckle, while he reached for the hem of her sweater, breaking their kiss only long enough to pull it over her head, and then brought his mouth down the swell of her breast.

"I want you, Derek," she said, unzipping his jeans, "now…"

"Fuck. Mer…condoms…we need…I have to go upstairs…"

"No, here," she said handing him one, and quickly discarding her jeans.

"Where did the condom come from..."

"Are you going to ask questions…or just use it…?"

"I just…"

"Derek…stop talking," she said grabbing the foil package from him tearing it open and rolling it on him. "In my purse this morning."

"My insatiable bride," he teased as he pressed his erection against her, unclasping her bra, cupping her breast then bringing his mouth to her nipple, but she ended any ideas of delaying things further as she reached for him and locking gazes with him, told him, "I want you…inside me…now," and he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him and with one quick thrust he entered her.

"Is that what you want," he asked, as he remained unmoving inside her.

"I want…" she moaned, her muscles contracting, "you know what I want," she said and those were the last words she uttered as he proceeded to do exactly what he knew she wanted, and throughout the house echoed the not so quiet sounds of two lovers, intimately familiar with the other's desires, as they pleasured each other repeatedly.

Neither would remember how long it took for them to make it to the couch. But they would not forget that Derek rushed upstairs in record time to get more condoms, and now they lay wrapped in the blanket he'd brought with him. Bodies entwined, Meredith and Derek held each other, the light sheen of sweat still remaining, both panting slightly in the afterglow of their last orgasm.

"I love you Derek," she said, softly placing a kiss on his chest.

"You," he said a bit breathless, "have energy to talk."

"Barely," she giggled, as he brought his lips to hers, "you wore me out."

"I think…that's my line," he chuckled.

"I bet," she teased, "my old panther would roar again…"

"I bet you he would," he laughed as he bit her neck playfully, "tonight."

"Tonight," she said, "is soon enough. I'm exhausted."

"Come on, Mrs. Shepherd, I've got just the thing for you."

"Derek…" she protested, "I don't want to move."

"It will make you feel better."

"No…I want to stay here, in your arms."

"Don't whine…" he teased her.

"What…I…we just…you're telling me I whine…"

"I love you Meredith," he said upon her lips, as his hands caressed her naked body.

"Ass."

"What…I do love you."

"You think I'm whining."

"And lazy…"

"Lazy…forget about tonight…"

"Mer…" he said, leaving a trail of kissed down her throat until his mouth settled on her breast, "you'll like what I have in mind."

"No more sex for you…"

"Ok," he laughed, "whatever you want."

"I have to move for this thing you're talking about?"

"It would help."

"Fine," she said, and allowed him to pull her up and wrap the blanket around her. "Aren't you cold?"

"I can manage," he said as he walked naked beside her.

"I can share," she said, wrapping the blanket around them as they walked upstairs.

"Wait here," he said, as he led her to the bed and had her sit down.

"Derek…"

"Give me a few minutes," he said, and returned to lead her to the bathroom.

"Derek…how…when…" she said, turning to him in surprise as she looked around and saw the bubble filled tub surrounded by several lit candles, the shades of dusk visible through the window behind it.

"You're not the only one that planned ahead," he said raising an eyebrow suggestively, "dusk…you're favorite time of day…"

"Are you going to join me?"

"This was for you…so you could relax…enjoy a nice warm bath…before…our date."

"Please join me," she said dropping the blanket and reaching for his hand, and he helped her get I the tub before joining her, and she settled her back against him.

"Comfortable," he teased her as her naked body rubbed against him.

"I thought you said we'd wait till tonight."

"Behave, this was supposed to be relaxing," he said as he nuzzled her neck, "and…we're taking this nice and slow…"

"Slow…we can do slow…" she taunted, "incredibly slow…" and after thoroughly enjoying bathing, taunting and enticing the other, they did. Except this time, they were in bed, making love slowly and leisurely and now hours after barely making it through the door before devouring each other they lay sleeping, basking in the joy and pleasure of their love.


	161. Chapter 161

_Thank you all for still reading. It was impossible to write this chapter sooner due work load last week. I've taken the liberty to borrow some dialogue from Grey's to work in to this story, I'm sure you will recognize it, as well as its variations, as they visit the bar! K borrowed your lines…T balcony is yours! L don't play with matches. Thanks._

_As for the song, can't post the link but it's beautiful, I'll see if I can post on comment section. I liked this version best, sung by the singer that made it famous. Didn't watch the video, but listened to the soulfulness of Etta Jones' voice._

_At Last – Etta James 1961_

_At last my love has come along_

_my lonely days are over_

_and life is like a song_

_Oh yeah, at last_

_The skies above are blue_

_My heart was wrapped up in clover_

_the night I looked at you_

_I found a dream that I could speak to_

_A dream that I can call my own_

_I found a thrill to hold my cheek to_

_A thrill that I have never known_

_Oh yeah when you smile, you smile_

_Oh, and then the spell was cast_

_And here we are in heaven_

_For you are mine_

_At Last_

**Ch 155 – "At Last…" **

"Slow…we can do slow…" she taunted, "incredibly slow…" and after thoroughly enjoying bathing, taunting and enticing the other, they did. Except this time, they were in bed, making love slowly and leisurely and now hours after barely making it through the door before devouring each other they lay sleeping, basking in the joy and pleasure of their love.

"Derek," she whispered, still a bit sleepy, as she lifted her head and softly kissed his chest.

"Uhmmm…" he responded, as his hand caressed her naked back.

"We should get up," she said, her fingers moving slowly up his arm, before she placed a kiss on his shoulder, "get dressed for dinner."

"I was thinking," he said turning to lie on his side and look at her, "we should stay in tonight, we can go out tomorrow," he finished, and placed a kiss on her back.

"Why?" she said, shifting her body to lie on her stomach and raised her torso to face him.

"Because," he said, as one arm remained on her back, and he brought his body closer to hers and kissed her lips. His other hand laying softly on the back of her head, holding her face close to his and breathing in her scent.

"Because," she questioned, as he now held her face in both his hands.

"I think it would be nice just to stay in, not have to go out, get some rest."

"You mean…" she smiled softly, leaning in to kiss him, "you think I need to get some rest, and I've ruined the plans you had for us tonight."

"Of course not," he denied, though part of it was true. His plan had included coming home and making love to her till morning, as they had the night they met, and that was not going to happen.

"Derek," she challenged, and lay back to recline against the pillows, her hand reaching to entwine with his, "talk to me…what's made you change your mind."

"Meredith," he said, gently leaning over to kiss her, "as much as I want to make love to you again, not only am I old…"

"Derek, that's an excuse," she said, her gaze lowering, "somehow, I ruined your plans."

"You have not ruined my plans…" he told her, and captured her mouth, "we've only altered our activities…I did not expect that in the last twenty four hours, we'd make love more times than some couples do an entire month…hell some don't make love that often in an entire year."

"Are you trying to scare me away from staying married to you," she laughed. "Derek… an entire year, you're making that up."

"I'm not, they are documented facts," he said, as he kissed her again softly.

"And why were you looking at those studies," she teased him.

"It's been relevant…in some cases I've had to research," he told her, "seven times a month was the average, and we've reached that average."

"Seriously," she looked at him, "seven times a month…"

"Well, for the first year of marriage statistics were a little higher than that."

"Derek, are you serious," she laughed, "you read this?"

"I did, and it was one of those things that stuck in my brain."

"You're sounding like Lexie," she giggled, "and her photographic memory."

"I may have discussed it with her," he teased, purposely misleading her, "and she refreshed my memory since she did have all those statistics memorized."

"You discussed frequency of sexual intercourse statistics with my sister," she said a bit indignantly, "Derek…you better explain yourself."

"Ah…" he smiled, cocking his head and caressing her face.

"Wipe that McDreamy smile off your face. It's not going to work this time."

"Meredith," he continued smiling, "you are too gullible," he laughed. "It was just funny that you brought up her photographic memory, and I couldn't resist teasing you."

"It wasn't funny," she said, attempting to hide a smile.

"It was," he said, nibbling at her neck, "and you can smile…I won't hold it against you."

"Ass."

"I was a resident when we had a case where the patient actually brought all the statistics. He loved his wife but had lost all sexual desire. They were a great couple and I felt bad for the guy, so I ended up doing a lot of research and discovered it was an undiagnosed brain tumor."

"You never told me that," she said, her hands still entwined with his.

"The subject never came up," he told her.

"And it's relevant now…how?"

"Meredith," he said, kissing her again. "We're both doctors…but even if we weren't, having sex this often…in such a short period of time…"

"Derek," she turned to him and wrapped her arms around him, "I love you, I do…so much…because I know you're thinking of me…but…I'm ok…" she said, and spoke to him quietly assuring she understood his concerns and she knew her limitations.

"Maybe I'm worn out," he told her, trying to shift the attention from the fact his concerns were largely related to her physical well being after the miscarriage.

"Derek," she said, "you were looking forward to tonight…to me wearing the black dress…at a bar…like the night we met, and we're not going to postpone that."

"We can go out tomorrow night…" he said.

"And stay here tonight and do crosswords puzzles…watch a movie…take a tour of the house without getting lost in it?"

He laughed. "You're not going to budge are you?"

"I had my fantasy about this too…" she said, and pressed her body intimately against his.

"You did…" he said, his hands stroking her body.

"We can come back tonight, and discover…all sorts of new favorite things Derek," she said as she kissed him deeply.

"You're making it very hard to say no to you."

"That's the idea," she said, and they both started laughing.

"Let's get dressed then," he said against her lips.

"Usually," she giggled, "we'd be doing just the opposite."

"The night is young," he laughed, "and believe me…my plans have always involved taking that black dress off…"

"Like the first time…"

"Uhmmm…no…not like the first time."

"Really…" she said, raising an eyebrow, "I thought…you wanted…."

"Partly the same," he said, "but the rest…no…definitely not the same."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Give me a hint," she asked, her voice low and seductive, her hands traveling along his body, "please."

He smiled and whispered. "At last."

"That's not a hint Derek…"

"It is…a very big hint," he said as he tightened his arms around her, and kissed her.

"One more then…" she said.

"Let it be a surprise…"

"I prefer knowing," she said, and bit his bottom lip lightly, "please."

He moaned softy against her lips, "you drive a hard bargain."

"As do you," she teased.

"My love has come along…" he said against her lips.

"Derek…that's hardly a hint"

"But you're wrong…"

"One more…"

"Dreams…"

"Like what?"

He laughed, "that's it, get dressed."

"Derek," she said softly, her hands wrapped around his neck, the entire length of their bodies touching, "I love you."

"Meredith," he said upon her lips, "I love you too."

They held each other several minutes before she started to rise, and reached for the robe that lay nearby. "Let's not forget to take this tray to the kitchen," she said, referring to the used plates and glasses from the food he'd brought upstairs, when he'd made fun of her stomach growling after their bath and she reminded him they'd not had lunch that afternoon.

Derek called out to her a while later, "Mer…you ready?"

"For what?" she said walking to him in her bare feet and placed her hand on his chest, playing with the top button of his red shirt.

"Whatever the night brings," he smiled, and brushed her lips.

"You shaved," she said, kissing him back gently.

"You're beautiful Meredith," he said devouring her with his eyes.

"Derek…you're not planning anything too…"

"You'll enjoy this…I know," he said, and gently pushed her to sit on the bed, and took her foot in his hand and slipped the unusually high heeled shoe on her.

"How do you know this," she said, taking a deep breath as he massaged her foot, and his hands lingered on her ankle and higher, before reaching for the other shoe.

"Because," he smiled.

"Derek…"

"Trust me..."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…" he said bending slightly and kissing her, before he reached for her hand and pulled her up to embrace her.

"I do…trust you..." she said, a poignant smile affirming the next words, "with my life."

"Thank you," he said, and kissed her again before they walked downstairs holding hands.

The drive to the bar took barely a few minutes, and it was obvious to Meredith when they arrived and were shown to one of three booths that Derek had indeed made plans.

"So…you come here a lot," she teased, when a couple of minutes later they were each brought a drink, "they seem to know your tastes."

"One can never be too sure," he laughed, "on first dates."

"How did you find this place," she asked, reaching across the table to lace her fingers with his.

"I'll tell you all the details later," he said, "let's order something to eat."

"Derek," she smiled, "it's not quite like Joe's…but it does have its similarities, even the neon sign with the name by that jukebox."

"I have it on good authority it's for locals only, but unlike Joe's they close at ten."

"How much can we eat in a couple of hours," she said as she looked at the menu.

"I already know what I want," he told her.

"I definitely know what I want," she said, looking up and locking gazes with him.

"Do you?"

"Looking at it," she said, the smile in her eyes making his resolve weaken.

"Meredith…"

"You said," she mouthed quietly, "no sex…but nothing about my attempts to convince you otherwise."

"Tease."

"We've already established that."

He laughed, and gently squeezed her hand, "I love you."

"Is that why you sat across from me?"

"Precisely…the reason, I don't trust you."

"You don't trust me…" she said quietly, in mock offense.

"Uhmmm…not to take advantage of me…"

"But you're not drunk."

"I am…"

"You are…"

"Just looking at you…just that…makes me …"

She giggled, "ok…no drinking for you at all tonight."

"You didn't let me finish."

"Oh…I disagree…" she laughed, "I've let you finish…"

"Meredith," he laughed along with her, "we were not talking about sex."

"Could have fooled me," she smiled saucily at him.

"What do you want for dinner," he changed the subject still chuckling, and they ordered and continued their flirtatious banter over their meal.

"I'll be back," she said after they'd finished their meal, and stealing a glance at him at the table, when she returned she went to sit in one of four stools by the bar and Derek smiled as she spoke to the bartender and a shot of tequila was placed in front of her.

He could sense her smile as he approached and stood next to her and waited for the bartender to turn to him. "Double scotch single malt please."

"So, is this a good place to hang out?" Derek asked Meredith.

"I wouldn't know," she said playing his game. "Never been here before."

The bartender and owner, who'd had several requests made of him that day, smiled. He'd have to tell his wife and Antonio about this.

"Oh you know what? I haven't either. First time here. I'm new in town. Never been to Cernobbio before," he said, and heard her attempt to stifle a giggle when he sat on the stool next to her.

"So…what brings you here?" Derek asked her.

Meredith thought back to their first meeting, a smile on her face, and sipped her drink.

"You're ignoring me."

"Trying to," she said, wondering where he wanted this to lead.

The bartender decided to add his two cents worth of fun. "Signorina, if this gentleman is bothering you, I can ask him to leave."

Derek looked at him ready to say something, but noticed the conspirator's smile on his face as he lifted a glass to Derek in a good luck toast.

"You shouldn't ignore me."

"Why not?"

"Because I'm someone you need to know to get to love."

"Really?" Meredith smiled, remembering their first meeting vividly.

"Oh, yes," he said. But, this time the look in his eyes spoke of love and trust and commitment, not the insecurities and pain of betrayal of the first night long ago.

"So if I know you, I'll love you."

"Oh yes," he said with their perfect and uniquely private smile.

"You really like yourself, huh?"

"Just hiding my pain," he said, while neither laughed, as they'd done nervously once before. "So what's your story?

"I don't have a story. I'm just a girl in a bar."

"I'm just a guy in a bar," he said, "while you…are more than just a girl in a bar."

"Tell me…" she said, changing the course of the first night's event. "What caused your pain?"

"Will you tell me yours?"

"Maybe one day."

"One day…" he spoke, "my wife…"

"You're married?"

"Not for long," he said, and they both knew how different their lives might have been, if any of this had happened then, but before they continued she reached for his hand.

"Why not?"

"I came home and found my wife in bed with my best friend."

"But, you're here in a bar…coming on to me…with old pick up lines."

"Sometimes," he said, gently squeezing her hand, "I just have these feelings, like I know what will happen next…that I know what is meant to happen, and you know in a split second and your life changes forever."

"I know what split seconds are like," she said, as they looked in each other's eyes, and both understood she spoke of her drowning.

"Sometimes…in life," he said, "that split second changes our life…and when I saw you sitting there, that night, you changed my life…you changed my life forever," he said as tears gathered in his eyes.

"You changed mine," she said, the glimmer of unshed tears holding every emotion she felt for him, "and I was never the same… I found love."

"That night," he said, and got up and stood by her, his hand around her waist, and whispered in her ear, "was the best night of my life…because I found you."

"It was the best of mine…until so many other nights, like tonight…all because of you."

"Meredith, I'm sorry…" he said, and got choked up, "so sorry I chose wrong, that I kept the truth for you…things could have been so different…if I'd been honest."

"Oh…no…." she said, turning to face him, caressing the now clean shaven face, "no regrets, we are here now…tonight, that's all that matters."

"You…you really have forgiven me…"

"Derek," she said softly, gently against his lips, "yes…"

He gathered her close to him, his chin resting on her shoulder, and whispered, "I love you…Meredith. I have loved you forever."

"A split second in time," she said, melancholy and wonderment in her voice as she got up and leaned against him and he wrapped his arms around her, "changed our lives."

"Yes…" he said, swaying gently, oblivious to the ballad playing in the background.

"Derek, is this how you planned tonight to go…is this how it would be different, what you said…"

"Things would have been so different, we would have been together…so much sooner."

"We can't know that…so, no more what if's…" she said, smiling softly. "Ok?"

"Ok."

"What about tonight…what you planned?" she asked again, certain it had changed.

"It changed a bit," he admitted, "when we got back this afternoon."

"Oh," she smiled, "you mean sex, twice on the couch, that was supposed to happen tonight."

"Something like that," he chuckled, "and I only recall once on the couch."

"You know what I mean…" she giggled, and then heard a familiar tune from the old jukebox fill the air and looked at him in awe.

_At last my love has come along _

_my lonely days are over _

"At last…" he said, and led her to an empty spot.

"You knew…" she said referring to the song, "you planned this."

_and life is like a song _

_Oh yeah, at last _

"I did…" he admitted drawing her close to him.

_The skies above are blue _

_My heart was wrapped up in clover _

_the night I looked at you _

They were mesmerized by the other's glance, their smiles reflections of secret longings and desires.

_I found a dream that I could speak to _

_A dream that I can call my own _

"You're my dream Derek," she said, her hands entangled in the curls laying on the collar of his favorite, her favorite, red shirt.

_I found a thrill to hold my cheek to _

_A thrill that I have never known_

"As you are mine," he said, kissing her softly.

_Oh yeah when you smile, you smile _

_Oh, and then the spell was cast _

_And here we are in heaven _

And he sung the last words softly in her ear.

_For you are mine _

_At Last _

They continued swaying to the last chords of the song, while she said, "and you are mine…at last."

"For always," he said, hugging her close to him.

"For always…" she said. "Take me home Derek."

"For the rest of our lives…" he said, as he looked at her, and in spite of the audience shared an intimate kiss.

He pulled away from her and his hand reached up to tuck a strand of hair behind her ear, and they smiled, and her hand found his and they walked to their booth and picked up her small bag and gloves.

"Let's go," he said.

"Aren't you forgetting something?"

"What?"

"To pay."

"Already taken care of."

"When?"

"You ask too many questions," he smiled, and pulled on her hand as they went to get their coats and walked to the car with their arms wrapped around each other's waist, exchanging kisses along the way.

"Derek," she said, when they got in the car, "that was the most perfect song."

"It was," he said, and leaned over to kiss her, before starting the car, and then his hands unbuttoned her coat and rested on her thighs and whispered, "at last, you are mine, forever," and captured her mouth, while his hands caressed her stocking covered legs.

"Derek," she said breathlessly after they broke away from their kiss, "let's go home."

"Impatient are you…" he teased her.

"Insatiable…" she said, "when it comes to you."

"Mer…we're not…we talked about it…"

"Derek…" she said, reaching over and gently stroking him. "There are so many ways…tonight…all our favorite things," she said, and heard his sharp intake of breath as her hand lingered, "old and new."

"You," he said, "are going to make me drive off the road one day."

"Might be worth it," she said, and laughed when he grabbed her hand and brought it to his lips.

"Might be," he chuckled, and before they knew it, he'd pull in front of the villa and went around to help her out of the convertible.

They reached the door and once he'd opened it, surprised her once again by lifting her in his arms.

"Derek," she said, her voice rising in surprise, and then laughing, "what are you doing?"

"Carrying you over the threshold."

She giggled, "isn't that supposed to happen the first night of the honeymoon?"

"We were too preoccupied with what this placed looked like," he said, shutting the door behind them. "We can pretend this is the first night."

"So," she said and wrapped her arms around his neck, "are you going to do this again when we get home?"

"Absolutely…and at the trailer…and when the house is ready."

"I don't mind you know," she said, snuggling into his chest. "I love being in your arms."

"I've no plans of letting you go," he smiled, and kissed her as he walked over to the couch and laid her down and they both discarded their coats.

"So," she said looking up at him, "what next?"

"What next," he repeated, sitting next to her and pushing her back against the cushions, and devouring her with his lips until they both forgot all but the pleasure of being in each other's arms.

"I…" she said, "though," in between breaths, "you wanted this to be like that night…"

"Oh…no," he replied, breathing hard, "only that I get to take off your dress. But," he paused, perusing her body, his hands finding some of his and her favorite spots along the way, "how…that happens…that is slow…and easy…and showing you…" she stopped him, as she captured his lips.

"New memories…" she said a long while later, "creating new memories…"

"Fabulous memories…" he teased her with his tongue, "of taking off this dress…"

"And…your shirt…" she teased, as she reached his first button, "my favorite red shirt," and they each took turns in undressing each other, slowly…painfully slow…as they indeed created new…deliciously sensuous memories …after a night…at a bar.

They were laying on the couch, wrapped in a woolen throw. He smiled mischievously in the knowledge that once he'd removed her dress, Meredith had been oblivious to the details in the room around her, especially when he'd concentrated on removing the rest of her garments. Devoting a ridiculous amount of time, she had said, to her stockings, but he'd told her he loved her legs, and it was his prerogative how long he took with each item, and later she proceeded to the same, driving him to the edge of his limit and resolve to wait hours before coming together again.

Her soft snores let him know she was asleep, and he slipped away from her arms and threw the back cushions on the floor, and removed the throw from her body and waited for her reaction, as he lay down on the floor in front of her, covered by the throw.

It wasn't long before she stirred, and he actually felt bad that her body shivered, but it would be worth it he thought, he was sure she'd enjoy the attempt to recreate this moment. "Derek," she said, when she realized she was alone on the couch and it was freezing, and opened her eyes and looked around groggily.

"Derek," she said again when she saw him on the floor, got up and instinctively, as she'd done that first time she'd found him naked in her mother's house, took the throw from him, "wake up…what are you doing on the floor?"

"Huh..." he said, "what…"

"Derek, what are you doing on the floor," she said, "and why did you take the blanket?"

"Oh…" he said, turning and looking up at her, "the floor isn't nearly as comfortable as I remembered."

"Or as humiliating, now that we're married," she laughed, "or that I at least know your name now."

"Mer…I'm not so sure about that."

"About what," she said, unsure what he meant, "that it's not as humiliating."

"No…just that, well…didn't you hear when Angela came and covered our naked bodies?"

"What…Derek…seriously?"

"I pretended we were sleeping so you wouldn't be embarrassed," he told her, "though we are married, but still," he continued putting her on, "we both were naked."

"You set me up, didn't you?"

"What are you talking about?" he feigned innocence.

"Don't give me that," she said, "or I won't share the blanket."

"Mer…I don't know what you're talking about," he said, but she saw the smile that confirmed he was lying, and had made up the story to tease her.

"So," she said, plopping down beside him, "you let Angela see you naked."

"I heard her say I had a cute butt," he joked, "when she was walking away."

"Uhmm…you do," she said, "and I better be the only woman that ever sees it again."

"I love when you're jealous."

"Ass.

"Yep…that would be what you're touching," he said as he gathered her in his arms and wrapped the throw around them, and their carefree laughter filled the room.

"Not that I don't love seeing you naked, being naked with you," Meredith said, "but, it's cold."

"Let's finish our evening upstairs," he said, and put on the discarded red shirt and grabbed the bucket of champagne and glasses before, he told her, "let me get another bottle."

"Where did that come from?"

"Now…she asks questions," he laughed. "I'll meet you in a few minutes," and he did.

"What took you so long?"

"I picked up all your clothing…" he said, dropping their discarded clothing on a chair, "it could be a little embarrassing if Angela and Antonio found all of this laying around."

"Are you trying to get me drunk, so you can take advantage of me again…is that the way this works," she teased as she went up to him, and paid attention to the still naked parts of his body.

"That was hardly taking advantage downstairs," he teased, as his tongue slipped inside her mouth.

"You're the one that wants to wait…I told you…"

"I don't want to wait," he corrected her, "but…"

"Derek, do remember your promise?"

"Which one," he joked.

"After the bar tonight…that you'd take advantage of me again?"

"I thought we agreed…" he said, clearly at a disadvantage, as she stroked the length of him, "it would be mutual…"

"Just trying to remind you," she said, pressing close to his body.

"It will be," he said, and took her hands and wrapped them around his waist, "and we will, but…the night really is still young," he said and poured them each a glass of champagne.

"We've had a lot of this lately," she said and took a sip. "I'm going to put something warm on," she conceded with whispered words to him admitting that he was right, and would let the evening play out at a slower pace.

They both dressed in warmer clothing, and spent the next few hours enjoying each other's company, and after a few glasses of champagne sat outside in their warm up suits, Meredith on his lap, both wrapped in a cozy blanket.

The candles and the champagne on the small table led to some very romantic moments that included an impromptu slow dance on the moonlit balcony.

"How did you pick that song," she asked, wrapping the blanket closer around them.

"I remember it from when I was a kid, my dad was still alive and sometimes, after we went to bed you could hear music, the old LP's playing and we'd hear Mom and Dad laughing, or just the music… that must have been a favorite, and Frank Sinatra."

"Really," she said, as she wrapped her arms around him, and her head rested on his chest.

"I only remember Strangers in the Night, that was one of them…one of the songs they

played. But this one, At Last, has always been a favorite," he said, and then held each other in silence.

"I wish I'd met your Dad…" she whispered, hugging him close to her.

"Me too."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said and felt her shiver. "Let's go inside, it's getting too cold now."

Hours later after they'd left the bar, they were wrapped in each other's arms talking and discovering small details about each other. Cuddling, napping at one point as they felt the effects of the champagne, but above all sharing their feelings and enjoying each other's company.

"Derek," she said suddenly, "you were laughing at me earlier."

"I was not."

"You were, when I told you about the Guinness commercial. It was true you know and it's very famous, that's why I remembered."

He roared laughing.

"Ok…you see, you're doing it again," she pouted.

"Mer," he continued to laugh.

"Derek, it's not funny," she said and started to pull away from him.

"Don't," he held her close. "You said that good things come to those who wait, and that you'd remember because of a commercial for ale, but Mer…it's one of the oldest expressions, and not because of Guinness beer."

"It's not?"

"It's not."

"Why do you know it?" she asked.

"It's implied Mer," he chuckled, "it's from Proverbs, in the Bible."

"The Bible?" she said, and then started laughing. "Oh, my God," she paused, "ok, that wasn't intentional, I didn't mean to laugh at that, but I thought…really, I thought that commercial," she said and understood the humor of it and laughed along with him.

"I've heard it since I was a little boy."

"Derek," she said seriously. "Don't ever tell your Mom."

"Mom would laugh."

"No, please. I don't want her to know I did not even know that's from the Bible."

"Mer…it doesn't matter."

"Please," she said, "it's important to me that she like me. That…she's Catholic Derek, she'll…she knows I'm not…but…it's important to me please."

"It's our secret."

"And you can't tell our kids."

"You're going to teach them about the bible?"

"Your Mom, she probably will and your sisters, they baptize their kids and ours, they're going to have godparents…and Lexie will know all those sayings…proverbs...gospels."

"Mer…" he smiled, loving her more each moment.

"I didn't grow up with that, my mom didn't believe in anything. But our kids…we had Brianna, that meant something Derek, my dream…and…I think we may want to think about that…we all need some faith Derek…we've found that out…it helped us…gave us some peace."

"Yes, it did."

"Ok," she said, and snuggled into his embrace and remained quiet as she felt his kiss on her head.

"Derek," she said later, and spoke of their day and several anecdotes, "can you believe how they give you directions in minutes…as though everyone walks at the same pace," she giggled. "I mean, some people have short legs, and that takes longer." He knew, the champagne was talking, and laughed along with her. "And I have long legs, but it took us fifteen minutes, not six…to get to the park this afternoon."

His hands caressed her, "but, we did stop along the way," he reminded her.

"That's true," she said, beginning to forget why they were talking about this, and only remembering they'd stopped to exchange kisses along the way.

"I love your long legs," he said, and by this time, hours into the next day, he could almost forget his resolve.

"What do you love most about them?" she said, as she entwined her legs with his, and ran her hands along his thigh.

"You're playing with fire," he said.

"I think," she said, "I've been very very patient."

"Mer…"

"Derek…it's time…lots of time…for new…favorite things…"

"Meredith…"

"Remember…that night…our lives changed…forever," she said, turning to lie on her side facing him, inching closer to him.

"I do…it did," he said, the back of his hand gently caressing her face.

"Make love to me Derek," she said, whispering upon his lips.

"Meredith…"

"Make love with me…" she said, pressing close to him, "slow…as slow…as you want."

He loved her to distraction and did as she asked. Teasing her, caressing her, exploring her body gently, at times his fingertips barely touching her skin, yet the heat between them ignited time and again, prolonging their eventual joining as long as he could. Wanting, needing to be gentle with her, until no longer able to suppress the love and passion he felt for her, late into a night reminiscent of that split second in time when their lives changed, two lovers fated to be together for eternity, fulfilled their promise and were joined as the sounds of their mutual surrender welcomed a new dawn.


	162. Chapter 162

**Ch 156 – Favorite things**

The sparkling waters of the lake surrounded by distant snowcapped Alps had welcome the first rays of sun hours before and now, through a barely visible opening, one lingered on Meredith's face. Her body shifted slightly in Derek's embrace, as the warmth of the sun on her face made its presence felt and she scrunched her nose.

Meredith felt his arm tighten around her and smiled, enjoying the feel of his body spooning hers. Safe in the comfort and knowledge that he loved her she continued to lie in his arms and giving in to the serenity of the moment closed her eyes. Not long after, the sun's rays once again warmed her face, almost as though it was intended to be her own personal wake up call. But, this time, just for a split second before she became fully alert she would have sworn she saw a glimpse, as we do at the end of a dream, of Brianna holding her wedding flowers and heard a familiar and healing whisper…I love you lots Mommy.

They'd spoken of faith the night before and as she became awake and aware of her surroundings, at that moment she found healing rather than sadness and sent a silent prayer of thanks, and a heartfelt message she chose to believe would be heard. "We love you too baby bear…Mommy and Daddy will never forget you."

Meredith smiled thinking back to the night before and all the ways he continued to show her he loved her and pondered how she could do the same. Carefully, she attempted to pull away from his arms but he instinctively held her closer. Thankfully he was sound asleep and it only took another attempt to rise from the bed.

"I can do this," she mumbled, "it can't be this hard…"

"What can't be this hard," Derek said as he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck.

"What are you doing up?"

"Meredith…" he said suggestively.

She turned in his arms to hug him. "I was not talking about sex," she giggled and pressed herself closer against him, "but, we could, or better yet…"

"Uhmmm…" he replied as he captured her lips.

"Oh no," she said and ended the kiss.

"Oh no…" he said, confused at how quickly she was out of his arms.

"Derek, I'm trying to cook here…and do you hear that sizzling sound? That means something is about to burn because I put the pan on the stove and since you interrupted me I didn't put anything in it."

He smiled, "you're trying to cook?"

"Don't be a moron, you can see that's what I'm doing."

"Uhmmm… a moron…and that's just because she loves me so much," he joked. "Can I help?"

"No, this was supposed to be me being wifely and all…"

"Wifely," he smiled, "as in the wifely duties you talked about…"

"They're not duties…I told you, well cooking might be, but I wanted to surprise you and do something nice for you and bring you breakfast in bed, but you ruined it," she pouted as she looked at the egg mixture and picked up the bowl.

"It's the thought that counts," he told her and went to grab the bowl where she had mixed the eggs, for what he presumed would be scrabbled eggs for breakfast.

"I'm going to do this," she said and slapped his hand away playfully, "and you're not allergic to them, so it's not like I can almost kill you as I did my sister."

He roared laughing. "Yes…you're right, I'm not allergic."

"Ok then," she said, and gave him a quick peck on the lips, "go sit down, and why are you here, you were sound asleep."

"I woke up and you were gone so I looked till I found you," he said as he walked over to get a cup of coffee.

"Derek, sit down…" she told him, "I want to do this, all of it…breakfast for you today."

"But I can help," he said, and instead of sitting down walked over to her again and nuzzled her neck, as she concentrated on the eggs cooking in the other frying pan she used after the butter had burned in the first one.

"I'm just trying to do something…you've done so much for me…and I want you to know how much it means to me," she said and at the same time turned the egg mixture.

"Mer…didn't you tell me…it's not a contest…we love each other, we'll do things for each other and sometimes I'll do more, others you will…depending on what we need, and it will be perfect, and just so you know…you're perfect as you are even if you never cook."

"You're afraid to eat my cooking," she giggled, "aren't you?"

"Not at all, it's scrambled eggs."

"I thought it would be safer than an omelet," she joked, "we don't have much luck with those."

"Ouch," he said, recalling the last time she'd made the attempt.

"Good thing for you I'm a forgiving person," she joked, "but if you ever…ever flirt with another woman again…"

"Why are we talking about this?" he asked.

"Because," she said in a light hearted mood, "it's what couples do…and we're married and you and I…are not avoiding saying things to each other…and we have said many things and after last night…"

"Uhmmm…"

She took the pan off the stove and set it on the granite top, "we can talk about anything," she said and turned to face him, "and it doesn't change how we feel about each other."

"When did you get so wise?"

"I don't know that I'm wise …but I know that we've a lifetime ahead of us and that is all that matters, and Derek…" she said and kissed him softly, "I love you and I know you love me and I feel I can say anything…just as we did last night…there's no reason we can't be honest with each other and say what we're thinking and we don't have to walk on eggshells around each other."

"I do love you Meredith, and you can say anything to me," he said and brushed her lips.

"I know…you can say anything to me too."

"Maybe we should eat the eggs before they get cold," he teased her.

"Maybe we should," she smiled, "go sit down," she said and brought the tray she'd prepared earlier to take upstairs to the table and placed a bowl of cereal with fruit in front of him as well as orange juice and coffee mug for each of them.

"Aren't you eating cereal?"

"Nope, I've got something better," she said and brought a plate for each with eggs and smoked salmon and a bread basket with some of the pastries they'd bought yesterday, and finished by pouring them both coffee.

"This looks great," he said, "how long were you down here?"

"About twenty minutes, I got up and took a shower and you were still asleep so I was hoping to bring you breakfast, but this worked."

"This worked very well. I can get used to this every morning."

"I think you'd get tired of the same thing every morning," she laughed.

"Will you get tired of me every morning?" he asked and reached for her hand.

"Never. Will you?"

"What do you think," he said, and brought her hand to his lips as their eyes met in an intimately charged acknowledgement of emotions.

"That you feel as I do…that each moment with you makes me need," she said as she took his hand and brushed her thumb over his wedding band, "and want…" she whispered, "and love you even more," she finished as she leaned over to place a kiss on his lips.

"I would not," he said, and swallowed past the lump of emotions lodged in his throat, "ever get tired of this every morning."

"You can have this every morning," she smiled softly, "it's only the meal part you won't get."

"I can live with that," he laughed and kissed her before he continued with breakfast. "By the way, these are good…see you can cook."

"Thanks to the internet."

"Huh?"

"I came down here and that laptop," she pointed to a nearby counter, "was just dying to be used," she smiled, "so I went online and looked up the recipe for scrambled eggs."

He looked at her, fork suspended in mid air before he took the next bite, "you looked for the recipe for scrambled eggs on the internet."

"Derek, it was the first real breakfast I was preparing for you. I did not want to risk poisoning you."

"Mer, it's scrambled eggs…how…" he was trying to keep from laughing.

"I would not recommend laughing at me."

"I'm not…it's just," he said, and decided to eat before putting his foot in his mouth.

"I'll have you know, there are thousands of results on Google and they even have videos to watch…I settled for the easy one, milk and eggs."

"Smart choice," he said, and laughed unable to keep a straight face any longer.

"I think" she laughed with him, "this will be my specialty…scrambled eggs for breakfast."

"Did you watch the video?"

"No," she giggled, "I knew how to break eggs and whip them."

"Why didn't you just call for breakfast?"

"I wanted to do this for you…this morning, and besides Derek, it's already so late they'd wonder why we didn't call earlier…and they'd know we'd been up all night."

"We're on our honeymoon," he smiled, "it's expected, and it's not so late."

"I preferred to keep this private…our morning together. Last night was special…too special to share any of it or this morning with anyone."

"It was…" he smiled and looked at her in the way expressly reserved for her.

"New favorite things…" she said.

"Some old…" he agreed, fingers entwined.

"At last…" she whispered.

"At last…" he smiled, "you liked the song?"

"I loved the song…I loved our entire night."

Unexpectedly the phone rang, startling them both and he got up to answer and she began to clear the table.

"What was that about," she asked as she began to do the dishes.

"Mer, it's a hotel, they do this, let's go upstairs."

"You're not answering my question, what was that about."

"It's a surprise," he said, turning off the water and kissing her. "You'll find out tomorrow."

"More surprises… Derek, you've got to stop."

"When we get home, we're not going to have any free time for a while. Well, I am, you're not…"

"Thanks for reminding me…" she said rolling her eyes.

"It's true, Bailey's not going to relent on the schedule and it's not likely we're going to have even a weekend off together in a while…so while we're here…I can do surprises," he said and untied her robe while his hands caressed her body.

"You win… while we're here…" she said and then forgot any further objections she may have had as she gave in to the pleasure of his hands on her body.

"I'm glad you see it my way," he smiled upon her lips, and then reached for her hand and they walked up the kitchen stairs that led to the upper floors.

"Let me shave," he said as they reached the bedroom.

"You don't need to shave," she said, as they took turns brushing their teeth, "I don't mind."

"That's not what you said last night," he teased.

"That was different," she smiled, "it would have been more than a day's stubble."

"So…" he said, "a day's stubble is ok?"

"More than ok," she smiled. "Especially…" she giggled, and felt his lips on hers.

"Especially," he said, continuing to kiss her as he led her back to the bedroom and gently pushed her down on the bed.

"That one…new favorite thing," she smiled seductively, enticing him not to stop.

"Uhmmm…we could always try …"

"Yes…" she asked, "try what…" and giving in to his kisses, all but his touch was forgotten as new and old favorite things were experienced.

"You know what my favorite thing was about last night?"

"Do tell…" he said as he raised an eyebrow in anticipation, and entwined their fingers, as they lay in each other's arms long after their breakfast had ended.

"It's not about sex."

"It's not?"

"It's how you made me feel," she said, suddenly pausing, "well, you know…"

"Meredith…you've never been shy with me before… "

"We've never spent a night like last night before..."

"No we haven't…lots of secrets…any regrets…"

"Oh no…Derek…I loved last night…it's like now, just being in your arms… I've told you before…the moment afterwards…when the world stops and you make me feel safe, and last night…you made me feel…"

"I hope you realize how very much I love you…"

"I do…" she said quietly, gently squeezing his hand, and turned on her side to look at him, "you made me feel cherished and special and…I wouldn't trade a moment of last night."

He laughed, "nobody would believe we spent most of the night talking…just talking."

"That was my favorite thing…" she said and smiled before closing the small distance between them.

"Talking was your favorite thing," he feigned a pout, "you wound me."

"Derek…there was such intimacy …the most intimate night of my life," she smiled, "even when we only really made love one time…well, you know…"

"I do know…and like you…I would not change a single second of last night."

"Staying up talking till four…and two bottles of champagne…and…"

"In between…discovering so many ways that have become favorite things…" he said, and they shared smiles filled with intimate secrets as they both remembered all the moments of a night when two lovers well practiced in the art of avoidance had opened their hearts, and smiles had turned to tears; sadness had turned to laughter and concern and tenderness had given way to love filled passion and moans of pleasure long before their bodies were intimately joined with each other once again.

"I love you Derek," she said gently upon his lips.

"I love you Meredith," he said, and a tender kiss sealed the hopes and promises of dreams shared on a night destined to be unforgettable.

_A/N 16 FEB -This is a much shorter chapter than usual but I wanted to post something, a bit of fluff, as I've not had a chance to write all week. It was going to be part of a longer chapter that I'd thought about shortly after choosing Lake Como for their honeymoon, but it's been such a long story that last week had almost decided to jump ahead and bring them back to Seattle. But, after the crossover episode , and I do try to refrain from making comments about that, I knew to keep the original idea…you'll see why in the next chapter. I'm traveling on business this week and airplanes are good for writing, so I will try to post it by Thursday._

_Thanks for reading. If you enjoy the chapter or not… your comments are very much appreciated, even a couple of words do mean a lot and let me know if there's interest or not in continuing to read this story._


	163. Chapter 163

**Ch 157 – Faith, ferries, flirting…**

Meredith rested her face on his chest as she was held in his embrace, her hand softly caressing him when she felt his lips lightly on her forehead and his hand gently massaging her back.

"Uhmm…that feels good…" she smiled as he continued, before kissing the top of her head and she wrapped her arm around his waist.

"You feel good too," he said absently.

"Derek," she said, immediately picking up on the tone of his voice, "what are you thinking?"

"Uhmmm…you're reading minds now?"

"You always say you feel my emotions," she said and placed a soft kiss on his chest, "guess it's contagious."

"Contagious…huh…"

"Yes…now that we're married," she said and lifted her face to look at him. "Tell me, what's made you turn all serious?"

"I'm not all serious…just thinking…"

"I know you're thinking…what about?"

"Us," he said and placed a finger under her chin to lift her face, and kissed her softly.

"Uhmmm…" she said after he'd kissed her, "us…and serious…"

"Not serious Meredith…almost in awe of all that's happened…how far we've come to be here…how we almost lost it all because of my …"

"Ok," she said. "I knew it. Stop thinking. Seriously Derek…we are here now…and we're happy…and maybe we had to go through all that to get here…so…no more serious thoughts…we promised…last night…no more looking back with serious thoughts."

"You're really bossy Mer…" he teased her, a kiss sealing their bargain.

"You don't mind me being bossy," she smiled, and returned his kiss eagerly.

"You're right," he smiled upon her lips, "I don't."

They became lost in a playful kiss until they heard the now familiar sound of clock chimes, followed almost immediately by one they had not heard before as festive and joyous church bells rang.

"Derek...listen…it's as though there is a celebration."

"It's beautiful to hear church bells ring…I remember as a kid I thought it was the coolest thing…and the idea of course that there's this rope you pull and create those sounds, but then you realize some churches have automatic or digital systems now."

"What…" Meredith said, "Derek…those bells we heard…they are not automatic."

"Ah…" he said, "my sentimental romantic…" and kissed her softly. "You're right, they sounded like ancient bells."

"You're trying to appease me," she teased.

"No…I'm not…I forget, this is a very old city…and they have probably preserved the bell tower."

"I can ask Angela…" she smiled, and suddenly said. "Derek…do you realize they rang right after the clock chimed?"

"Yes…"

"What time is it?"

"Eleven," he said looking at his watch.

"Derek," she smiled at him. "We've got another anniversary…"

"So we do," he acknowledged. "Happy anniversary Mrs. Shepherd."

"Two whole days Derek…"

"Two whole days…and lots of sex…and kissing…" he teased.

"More sex…" she giggled, "more kissing…I say," she said as she captured his mouth.

"More kissing…I say…" he laughed, remembering the first time he'd said that. "You say that now Meredith, but you weren't always so agreeable."

"Oh please," she laughed. "I already admitted last night I wanted you desperately and was fighting it when I kissed you in the elevator."

"So you did…" he said as they shared an intimate smile. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said as she cuddled into him, her hands roaming his body, naked under the robe she parted.

"It's eleven," he said as her hands on him made him want to spend the rest of the day in bed, in fact the next forty eight uninterrupted hours before they flew home.

"Your point," she said, as she began to trail kisses on his chest.

"My point," he said, raising her face to meet his, "is we have two days left here and we should probably..." she interrupted him.

"Stay in bed for the next two days…"

"You'll kill me," he laughed.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"You're no fun."

"I didn't hear any complaints last night."

She had a half smile on her face, "well…you were fun last night."

"And…" he said as he reached for her, "will be lots of fun again tonight…just as we talked about last night," he said and kissed her tenderly. A kiss that spoke volumes of his love for her."

"Unbelievable…" she teased him, but not before he saw the glimmer of tears in her eyes, "married two days and my husband continues to withhold sex."

"Meredith..."

"Derek," she said, silencing him with a kiss before continuing. "Do you have any idea how very much I love you?"

"Diversion again," he said softly, never more certain of her love for him.

"No," she said quietly, reaching for his hand and entwining their fingers. "Just needing to tell you the feelings in my heart…because…you are my knight in shining armor…and soon…I'll make it up to you."

"Meredith, there's nothing to make up."

"There is…all of our favorite things… when you're not worried about me…and for that…for your thoughtfulness…and just being you…I love you Derek."

"I love you…and there is not a single second I'd change of our honeymoon…and there is nothing you need to make up for."

"See," she said, as her eyes glimmered with unshed tears. "My McDreamy…my …." she paused and smiled, "panther…old…and sexy…and making me wish I could keep up with him…"

He roared laughing, "old… you say…"

"Don't try to get me to flatter you anymore…I said…I wish I could keep up with you."

"Meredith…" he said and kissed her until they were both breathless.

"You love me…" she smiled.

"I adore you."

"Me too," she said and gave in to the pleasure and safety of his embrace.

"So…Mrs. Shepherd," he said as he kissed the top of her head, "we should get dressed, do a bit of sightseeing…"

"You think?"

"Uhmmm…I think you should indulge me…"

"Don't I always…" she said with an enticing smile.

"Yes…but this would be indulging this …intense thing I have for ferry boats."

Their laughter filled the room and they exchanged one last kiss before he helped her up from the bed and they dressed casually for the day reserved for playing tourists.

"Derek, don't forget your gloves and scarf, it will be windy on the ferry."

"Nag," he said, as he walked up to her and placing his hand on her neck pulled her into him and kissed her before she had a chance to respond.

"Ass."

"Ah…" he smiled, "I'd miss that."

"Let's go," she giggled, "your job is to play tour guide."

"Tour guide?"

"Yes…you did all the research before we came here, so you should know exactly where we should visit."

"You make me sound like a geek."

"But I love my band geek," she said playfully, and nibbled his lips. "Admit it, you knew everything about this place and Venice before we got here."

"I…"

"Yes?"

"I did…" he laughed, "I wanted this to be special for you."

"It is…very special," she said and wrapped her arms around his neck. "You are very special."

"Meredith," he said as he lowered his mouth to hers, "we'll never get out of here."

"Nag," she joked, and after making sure they were not forgetting anything pulled on his hand and left their room.

"Do you want to walk around town before we head to Como?"

"We could," she said and placed her hand on his thigh," after we find out the ferry schedule."

They found parking near the picturesque lakeside square, beautifully framed by the Swiss Alps and Lombardy mountains, and walked holding hands toward the Piazza Risorgimento.

"Meredith, Angela and Antonio are sitting over there with the owner from the bar last night."

"You're right," she agreed, "we should say hello, and tell them we'll be gone all day."

"Dottore Shepherd," he heard his name called before they'd had a chance to approach them.

"Good morning," Derek smiled as they reached the foursome.

"We heard they had the most romantic evening ever, at the bar last night," Angela smiled at Meredith.

"It was a perfect evening," Meredith told her.

"I've owned that bar for many years," the other gentleman chimed in, "and never have I seen a more romantic couple. We had some wives complaining to the husbands after you left."

"Including me," his wife commented.

"Thank you for everything," Derek told the men, "we truly appreciated your help."

"Anything for romance," the bar owner smiled as he reached for his wife's hand.

"But next time," Derek laughed, "don't try to keep my wife away from me."

Meredith and Derek were surprised by the laughter, and realized the bar owner had made them aware of the teasing incident and thus joined in the humorous moment, but declined when asked to join them for coffee.

"Thank you," Meredith said, "but we just had breakfast," then felt herself blushing slightly at the knowing smiles between Angela and Antonio. "We're going to be away all day, so don't worry about us. I fixed breakfast for Derek today…but I'll call you tomorrow…don't want him to get used to that. We also left you a box of pastries for you from Münger's ."

"That is very thoughtful. It's a wonderful bakery, one of my favorites since I was a child. We'll be over at the house shortly, we did not want to disturb you earlier," Angela said.

"We're going to take the ferry to Como and Bellagio," Derek said, "we came over to find out the schedule."

They were promptly given the details they needed, including the recommendation they drive to Como and take the ferry from there given the limited frequency to the smaller town of Cernobbio but also encouraged they walk around their town before leaving.

"Angela," Meredith asked, "we heard church bells, very festive… was there a special event?"

"Yes, a beautiful wedding this morning and the bride chose the day of her grandparent's fiftieth anniversary in that same church and asked if they would ring the church bells in double celebration."

"That sounds lovely…Derek thought they may not be the original bells…and might be automated or digital."

"Not at all," Antonio told them. "The bell tower is the pride of the village and they are hundreds of centuries old."

Meredith reached for Derek's hand after they said goodbye and strolled along the narrow ancient streets.

"You just had to do that, didn't you? You had to be right," he said with a slight smile.

"She already knows I can't cook, it had to be you who had doubts about that." she teased him and they continued to enjoy the light banter that had become second nature as they entered a small quaint shop tucked away from the activity of the square. They each browsed before he walked over to stand beside her.

"My mom," she said quietly when she felt his presence, "she brought me a wooden comb after a trip to China and went on about how they'd been used since ancient times and how much better they were for your hair and had even been used to massage the scalp as a treatment for high blood pressure," she rambled while holding a half rounded shaped finely polished wooden comb slightly bigger that the palm of her hand. "I didn't pay attention to it, but she kept hers. Still had it at the nursing home. I used it once, after…when…I got her things, she was right…they are better for the hair…helps with split ends."

"Why don't you get one…they're nice…unique, and look to be hand made." The sales lady walked over to them at that moment, and mentioned they were very popular and made by a retired local gentleman.

"It would be a nice souvenir, don't you think?" she asked him. "Izzie would like this and maybe for Cristina she has lots of hair…and you," she smiled, "it would be good for you too, maybe you'll need less hair product."

"I only use one hair product," he told her, "it's not nice to make fun of your husband."

"I'm not making fun…I love your hair…even when it's unmanageable and messy first thing in the morning."

"Go ahead…have your fun," he joked, as she handed the lady a handful of combs and looked for her credit card.

"Derek, I forgot I had your phone…and there're messages," she said as she saw the tiny blinking red light on their blackberries.

"We don't have to reply."

"I know…but still curious. Here, look at yours," she said handing him the phone while she signed the credit card slip.

He smiled a she read his messages and waited till they walked out side and headed toward the piazza, "read your message Mer."

"You read it already, anything important."

"Don't know that it's important, but you'll be happy," he said, as they continued to walk the short distance to their car.

"Derek…" she said with a smile, "I forgot…she was going to get this today," she hugged him, "and she liked it."

"We got the same message…she copied us both," he laughed.

"She did," she giggled, "I've got to respond to her, let's sit over there," she told him as she walked to a nearby bench. "She did like it," she said as she read her email.

"_OMG. Meredith sweetheart what a delightful surprise. You are so very thoughtful and it means so much to me that you would think of this. Especially because you and Nancy spoke and she wanted to make sure she did what you asked of her. I would never have thought of it, because I do just fine with my phone, but being here for the next two weeks and not have to worry about finding internet cafes or access to email to keep in touch with everyone is wonderful. Kat is looking over my shoulder and Mark is laughing at me, telling me that I'm rambling, and it's not meant to be a book I'm writing, but I have to get used to this…I never expected to have a blackberry, and you asked that it have a camera as well. I'll still use my camera, but this also has one. Yes, I'm rambling, God help me. But…thank you, both you and Derek for this surprise. Derek Christopher, I will be changing the billing when I get back home and pay for this from my account every month. I understand the international calls feature was also enabled, but that is just too expensive and unnecessary Derek. I shall not be answering any calls._

_Jenna went to the house and got my old phone so they could transfer my phone contacts and the girls actually met for lunch and made sure they loaded all my email addresses and set it up so it has spell check and all those features. Kevin insisted we had to stop at the DHL office and I could not figure out why, then this. _

_I'm not expecting you to read this anytime soon, but as soon as I got this wanted to let you know and thank you. We have dropped the girls off at the airport, well actually Mark did and now we are driving from Milan toward Lake Como since Kat insisted it was too beautiful not too spend the day there. Don't worry. Mark wanted to drop in unannounced since we do know where you are staying, but I refused to let them. They will not be interrupting your honeymoon. _

_This was a book. LOL. Meredith, thank you sweetheart. I know it was your idea and that means so very much to me. Derek be careful driving, you don't know the area. Enjoy the rest of your honeymoon and have a safe trip home. I will speak to you when I get home, but you can email me when you get to Seattle so I can relax that you are home safe and sound. Love, Mom."_

"She liked it," Meredith smiled after she read his mother's email.

"You sound like the TV commercial," he teased her, and put his arm around her.

"You mean Mikey?" she laughed.

"He liked it… he liked it," Derek laughed.

"You're such a dork," Meredith giggled.

"Dork…geek…moron …ass…" he smiled, and nuzzled her neck, biting her lightly.

"You forgot..." she laughed, "my favorite one…"

"I know it's not a dead horse's ass…uhmmm…brainless…"

"My very own…panther…"

"Yes," he laughed, "that I am. Old…but yours."

"Derek," she turned to look at him, wanting to make sure she'd not bruised his ego. "You know I'm teasing you when I've said that…you are not old to me."

"I know you are…" he assured her and kissed her lips lightly, and she then nestled against him.

"You know…I hate carousels," she said out of the blue as she glanced over to the playground where children's laughter could be heard above the music of a nearby carousel.

"Why is that?" he asked, knowing it was important if she was bringing it up.

"The last time I was on one…Richard broke off his affair with my mother. I did not know it at the time, what it was all about. But I could see them arguing, and she left me on the thing for so long, and all I wanted to do was get off the damn horse and be with my mother, and she left me there…"

"I wish," he said, his voice choked with emotion, "I could take that pain away."

"You have," she said quietly, and reached for his hand, "you have."

"I'm sorry…you don't have better memories of your childhood."

"It's over," she said, "and at least I was lucky…she wasn't, she spent the rest of her life alone. I have you."

"I love you," he whispered in her ear. "I love you more than I can put into words."

"But you do," she said squeezing his hand. "You show me…you've shown me every single day…how much you love me."

"I'll do that…for the rest of our lives. You are my most precious gift Meredith…my priceless treasure."

"You are mine," she said, and he heard the sniffle in her voice, and turned to kiss a tear away.

"One day…Meredith, we'll replace those sad memories on a carousel with happy ones."

"We will…" she said, turning to bury her face in his neck, "we will…with our children…and they will not be left alone on the carousel. We'll be right there, standing next to them, by that horse for as many rides as they want to go on."

"Yes," he smiled, as he held her, allowing her to begin replacing the hated memories with dreams of new ones for the future.

"And…" she said with melancholy in her voice, "you know how some carousels also have seats…"

"Yes…" he responded and allowed her to continue.

"I can almost imagine ...that we're there…and our son never tires of the ride…"she smiled, "but his Mom does and you'll have to stand there so he doesn't fall and I can go sit down in that carousel bench…" and she brought his hand to rest gently on her stomach, "because our next baby is making it very tiring for me to stand by that horse over and over again."

"Our next baby…" he smiled.

"One of our chatty children with great hair," she smiled.

"They must get that from you," he said, "the being chatty that is," and heard the quiet laughter that warmed his heart.

"And the great hair," she laughed still.

"Oh, no…that they get from me," he teased, "especially now that I'll have my own wooden comb," he said and their laughter was carried away by the light winds of the early spring day as their future dreams were nurtured by the warmth of the midday sun.

"Derek," she said, "we are never going to leave the kids alone to ride the carousel."

"Mer…I think there may be a time they don't want us there, it will be embarrassing to have your mom and dad there."

"Well…that's too bad."

"We have time to change our mind," he teased her, drawing her close to him and kissing her neck.

"Maybe," she conceded. "But, we can never fight in front of them…not while they're alone on a carousel…kids don't get it."

"We won't."

"I mean we can fight, but just not then."

"So," he said, and got up and reached for her hand to pull her up, and wrapped her arms around her wait as they walked to the car, "you expect we will be fighting."

"Derek…" she stopped and turned to him. "This is us…remember the crab…I think we can almost guarantee we will fight…but…we will always make up."

"Yes…we will always make up," he agreed, and kissed her lips softly as they walked to the car.

"Derek," she said as it dawned on her, during their drive, "we never replied to your Mom's message."

"I don't think she's expecting a response."

"It's rude not to Derek, and I want to respond."

"Go ahead, just don't write a book," he smiled.

"Ass."

"So, what did you write," he asked as he watched her type her response.

"I'm not done."

"Of course you're not," he teased her.

"I said…we were happy she liked it, and expected her to stay in touch and that we were also going to Como today and maybe we'd run into each other."

"Why would you say that?" he asked her. "I don't want to run into them, I want the time for us alone."

"Well, they are here Derek, what are we going to do turn the other way if we see them? They're our family," she said, and the _our _reference did not go unnoticed.

"You're right," he said, as he reached for her hand, "they're our family and if we run into them we can't ignore them. Tell me what else you wrote."

"It's private."

"Private," he smiled, "you're writing private messages to my mother."

"I'm kidding Derek, you can read it later," she said and leaned over to kiss him while he followed the earlier instructions and reached Como within fifteen, and parked the car to explore the town's historic medieval walled district and its shopping.

"Anything in particular you want to do?" he asked her as they walked holding hands.

"Not really, but if we see something that could make a nice souvenir, we could get that, I have just a couple of people I'd like to get something for," she said and continued to stroll along the narrow streets.

"I never knew you were a shopaholic," he teased her.

"We've never been on a trip together before."

"Does that mean, that's what I have to look forward to…shopping on trips for the rest of our lives?"

"Do you really want me to answer that," she turned to him with a serious scowl.

"No. But, I gather the word ass would come up."

"Derek," she said, playfully wrapping his arms around him, "you're too easy not to tease. I was trying to stare you down…with a wifely scowl."

"I love you Meredith," he laughed. "I'm teasing you too love."

"I'm not really big on shopping Derek."

"I know…but I'm glad you're enjoying it."

"It's hard not to when there's such beautiful things, you know…and it will be nice to take some small gifts back and we won't have to do it all the time."

"Meredith, I don't care…you can spend all your time shopping if you want."

"I won't…but, let's go in here," she said, and after learning from the sales woman that Como was the center of Italy's silk industry, browsed through the second floor of the shop and found several items she wanted, including beautiful silk scarves for Izzie and Miranda and talked Derek into getting some designer silk ties at very reasonable prices and bought one for Alex, George and Richard.

"How many more gifts do we need to buy?"

"Just a few…" she said absently.

"Maybe if you tell me what they are, I could help you look," he said, not necessarily happy to be carrying all the bags.

"It's nothing in particular…but, I'll know what it is if I see it," she said and heard him grumble. "You're grumbling," she looked at him, "seriously…after you encourage me to shop."

"I didn't think you were going to buy gifts for everyone you know."

"I thought you didn't mind that I shopped."

"I don't," he told her as he cupped her face with his unoccupied hand, "when it's for you, not for everyone else."

"I haven't seen anything I want…what about you?"

"I don't need anything Mer…I got the two suits and some shirts when we were in Venice, since Mark insisted I was totally out of touch with fashion."

"Manwhore and fashion consultant," she giggled and he laughed with her.

"Meredith...." he said stopping in front of a small boutique. "Get that…try on that outfit."

"You want me to try on…"

"No…I want you to get that outfit…it will look hot as hell on you."

"Derek…"

"Please…we never shop together…"

"Not really my style Derek."

"It should be…try it on," he insisted and the McDreamy look put an end to any doubts.

She smiled and walked in the store and asked to try the outfit on and was shown to the dressing room, while he sat down and was offered an espresso, which he accepted.

She modeled the outfit for him a few minutes later and saw the instant look of desire as his eyes perused her body, and she walked up to him and smiled.

"You like this, don't you," she smiled seductively.

"You have to get it…but try it on with the boots," he said, his gaze never leaving hers.

"This is not really my style…Derek…where would I wear this?"

"On a date with your husband," he whispered in a low hoarse voice, "while he fantasizes about taking it off as soon as we get home."

"Let me try the boots," she said, flustered by his words and looking forward to the fantasy he envisioned, she asked to try the boots, which luckily they had in her size. When she stood in front of him again, dressed in the soft black leather skin tight pants, black blouse on display and black high heeled boots, she whished it was already that night.

The saleslady, certain she had a sale, also showed her a short leather jacket he insisted she get as well, and while she changed he paid for their purchases.

"I can't wait for you to wear that," he said as they walked out the door.

"I can't wait till you take it off…and we have hot…wild…passionate sex."

"Who said anything about sex," he teased her. "I just want to see you naked," and both burst out laughing and she threw her arms around his neck and uncaring of their surroundings shared a passionate kiss with her husband.

"Maybe we should move on to the next town," she giggled, "before we get arrested."

"Oh yes…" he laughed, "lewd and lascivious displays of affection."

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith," he said, and they continued a leisurely strolled that led to the Duomo, the town's well known Cathedral.

"Derek, can we go inside?"

"You want to visit the church?" he asked surprised.

"It seems to be quite the tourist attraction," she observed, "and yes…just a few minutes."

He guided her inside and found its history dated to the late 1300's though it was not completed till the 1700's and in an old and familiar, though lately forgotten, childhood ritual he dipped his fingers in holy water and made the sign of the cross, and watched her do the same before she reached for his hand and led him toward the front of the church. She took the bags from him placing them on the wooden pew when she saw him instinctively place his knees on the worn wooden kneeler, its wood thinned by age, and reached for his hand as she joined him and watched her husband bow his head in prayer.

She felt the gentle squeeze of her hand, and then he turned to help her up to sit on the pew. "My mom…she made you kneel when you visited the church the other day?"

"No," she said, through the glimmer of unshed tears. "But I wanted to…and just say thank you."

"I had to say more than thank you…" Derek admitted. "It's been a long time since I knelt or prayed in Church."

"I know…" she smiled, "is that what they call good old Catholic guilt."

"Something like that," he smiled.

"Derek… I wanted to say thank you together."

He held her hand close to his heart, "I think He heard us."

"I think He did," she laid her head softly on his shoulder. "I'm thankful for you Derek, for us…for the lifetime we're going to share."

"You…you are what I'm most thankful for…"

"Me too…and our family," she said, "the one we have now…and the one you're sharing with me…and our own…someday."

"We have lots to be thankful for," he said.

She squeezed his hand, as their gazes remained on each other, "we do."

They left the church a few minutes later, both with a lighter heart and ever increasing hope of their future together. Faith had brought them together. Faith in each other, first accepted blindly and now based not only on themselves and their love for each other, but on what each was certain had been given them throughout the moments of sorrow they'd shared weeks ago, and now had turned to hope, as only the true gift of Faith could provide.

"Derek," she asked when they'd left the church and walked by a gelato shop, "aren't you hungry?"

"It's about time for lunch," he said.

"I was thinking more along the lines of…"

"I don't understand," he laughed, "how you are so thin, you eat like a truck driver."

"I do not," she argued, "and besides, I have high metabolism."

"What flavor do you want," he asked, resigned to the unscheduled gelato stop.

"Strawberry with real strawberries too, they have them on display," she said, as she took a seat outside the shop and he left their bags to go inside. "What are you having?"

"I'm not…I can wait till we eat lunch."

"Derek, it's almost an hour's ride on the ferry, and it doesn't leave for another thirty minutes, you should have something now."

"You're going to be bossy about my meals too," he smiled as he leaned down to brush her lips.

"It's what wives do," she said and smiled. "I think."

"This looks really good," she said as he brought to cups. "What did you get?"

"Coffee."

"You are so predictable," she said.

"And you're not…is that not strawberry I see?"

"That's different," she said. "I try other flavors," she said, and took her spoon and dipped it in his, and then took the wafer biscuit from his cup and took a bite.

"You're going to eat this one too…" he smiled.

"No, I'm going to share," she said, and dipped the waffle in her gelato and brought it to his lips. "And you could have ordered fruit…gelato is actually made of fresh fruit and milk of course, and did you know it originated here…"

"What is this…you're turned into Lexie now?"

She scowled at him, "just because I don't remember all the quotations you do, does not mean I don't know things…and I was here before …and the Italians invented it, during the court of Catherine de Medici, then it was introduced in Europe."

They continued their lighthearted conversation until it was time to board the ferry, though they first went to the car and left their shopping bags in the trunk.

"I'm glad we're doing this," she said, as she leaned against him overlooking the water, "it's beautiful, maybe we'll see George Clooney's home."

"You want to see that, we can try to…"

"Derek, I don't care about that, the only thing that is important to me is sharing this with you…the scenery is beautiful…each moment we've spent here…every second of our trip has been perfect."

"For me too Meredith…that's all I need."

"You know," she whispered, as she felt his arms tighten around her and one arm rested high on her breasts while he kissed her cheek , and she smiled, content and serene in the knowledge of their love and commitment to each other. "What I said earlier, about this being the most special week of my life…"

"Uhmmm…"

"It is Derek…thank you…"

"Hey…no thank you's…it's mutual...we've made it special for each other."

"We," she smiled, "have truly perfected mushy…sentimental…"

"And romantic…and sexy…and passionate…"

"Yes…" she said, "yes…we have."

They enjoyed the rest of the scenery and stunning villages on the forty minute plus long ride, and at some point she turned and wrapped his scarf close around his neck.

"You're being wifely," he teased.

"Whatever…" she joked, "I don't want you getting sick…you have another seventy years to stay healthy."

"Is that so…" he kissed her softly.

"One hundred ten Derek…"

"You too Meredith," he said as he caressed her gloved hands, "you owe me those too."

"We're going to be old and senile in a nursing home, but yeah…me too."

"You just killed the romance…"

"Derek…we'll have this conversation at ninety again," she laughed.

"Fair enough," he laughed along with her, and teased her, "your purse is vibrating Meredith."

"So it is," she said and took out the offending phone, which turned out to be hers. "It's your Mom, she says she's got the hang of it, but Kat had left it on silent. Oh…" she said a bit disappointed, "Derek we actually just missed them, they were in Como. She said they took the ferry to tour the Lake at one …that's too bad."

"You want to see them? Spend our honeymoon time with them?"

"It would be nice, and it's not honeymoon time now…" she raised her brow at him.

"Ask her where they are, maybe we'll coincide in he same town."

"Would it bother you…to spend some time with them today?"

"No, it wouldn't bother me," he said.

She laughed, "you're lying."

"I don't want to share my time with you."

"Oh…poor baby…" she kissed him softly, "I'll be all yours tonight…no sharing."

"Damn well better not be any sharing," he said deepening their kiss, "ever."

"That applies to you too Shepherd, and don't you ever forget it."

"Don't ever want to Meredith."

"We understand each other," she smiled, kissing him softly again, and wrapping her arms around him, "very well."

"That we do," he agreed, and smiled, "we certainly do."

"Oh look, Derek, they are in Bellagio…just like we will …we can meet up with them."

"Let her know," he said, "tell her we'll be there in about fifteen minutes."

"Maybe they haven't had lunch, we could have lunch together."

"Mer, it's almost three, I'm sure they've had lunch already."

"That's true…but, we need to eat lunch."

"You just ate."

"Gelato does not count Derek, that was a snack."

"So it was," he laughed. "Mer…do you want to come back, spend more time here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Will be back for our anniversary, but that will only be a few days…I'm thinking after we spend a couple of days in Venice we can come back up here…"

"And spend a night here," she said, and he saw the sparkle in her eyes, "one night at the Villa and truly celebrate our wedding night anniversary."

"My beautiful romantic…wife…" he said softly.

"Yes…and you can't tease me anymore."

"I love teasing you…" he said, as his eyes drooped a bit, and his eyes devoured every inch of her body.

"I don't mind either," she said and closed the distance between them and walked into his embrace. "I love where the teasing leads us," she said, and immediately knew they should stop their current banter, as she pressed her body closer to his and felt his arousal.

_AN 24Feb - I've been waiting and waiting to post this since Sunday. You could read, but not sign in to the board. I'd say… two more updates and they will be on the way to Seattle. Thanks for continuing to read**. **_


	164. Chapter 164

_9 MAR09 A/N – This chapter did not go the way I planned at all. They started talking and took over the conversation, but it somehow worked for me. They have one day left, and yes one chapter only, before they go back to Seattle. Took creative liberty with the market visit because it suited what I wanted them to find. Yes, they have them, in fact during the week at a nearby town, but don't really know all the times during the year and decided it was not important. Sorry for the delay since the last update, and thanks for your comments. Travel, work and family did not allow me to write till today._

**Ch 158 – Fate's interruptions**

"Uhmmm," Derek nuzzled her neck, "I love where the teasing leads us Mer…just wish we weren't in public…"

"Me too," she agreed, "but we are…and we should change the subject."

"Can't take the heat," he continued teasing her.

"I can take it…but you…need to simmer…before we can turn the heat up," she giggled, "and feel the flames of passion."

"Are you trying to test my endurance or kill me?" he said while taking a deep breath.

"No…" she said, but he could tell she was not unhappy with his situation.

"You are a tease, Mrs. Shepherd," he said. "Have you been reading romance novels and haven't told me about it?"

"Romance novels," she laughed, "as in Jane Eyre and Charlotte Bronte..."

"So you have read them," he laughed.

"Believe it or not…my mom…"

"You're right…" he said, "change the subject."

"I thought so," she said, and pulled her body slightly away from him.

"Don't…I can handle it…" he said and kept her close to him as they traveled the last miles toward the landing dock.

"What should we do this afternoon," she said, "we'll want to eat lunch, and then just hang out with them and probably a bit of shopping, and they can tell us what they've done the last couple of days…"

"Mer…you don't have to ramble… I'm not a horny teenager."

"You're not," she could not resist taunting, "could have fooled me."

"Oh…God…" he mumbled.

"Sorry…Derek, that wasn't nice."

"That's ok, you can explain to …"

"Your mother," she laughed, "she's going to be there, probably waiting when we disembark."

"Good strategy…the mention of Mom…" he laughed, "moms in fact…very effective."

"So it is..." she started to say, just as her phone vibrated again, "saved by the bell…or vibrator…or whatever," she laughed.

"Funny…" he smirked.

"It' your mom," she laughed. "They're actually nearby and can meet up with us at three thirty if we want them to."

"I suppose," he said resigned to fate's interruptions, "we can grab a bite to eat as soon as we dock and wait for them."

"We don't have to…we can make up an excuse," she said, but something in her tone alerted him as he heard the anticipation of meeting up with family and knew he would not rob her of these newly discovered emotions.

"No…we'll spend the afternoon with them," he told her and kissed the top of her head, "what were the chances we'd meet up this way, and they did travel a long way with very short notice."

"What are you thinking?" She asked as she allowed her body to rest against his.

Uhmmm…"

"Derek…"

"Yes…" he said, quietly humming a now familiar and much loved tune, their bodies swaying gently to the gentle ripples of the lake's current.

"You're happy…" she stated, as her body swayed ever so gently with his.

"I am…" he said and pulled her closer to him, "are you?" Her head rested on his shoulder, their faces pressed contentedly against each other's as his arm wrapped tightly around her and she brought her hand to rest on his forearm.

"You make me happy Derek…happier than I ever thought could be possible…"

"And you've made me realize what that means Meredith, being truly happy…"

"Do you remember…when…after I drowned…" she began, as they both gazed melancholically over the expanse of water and the ever changing colors of the lake in the mid afternoon sun.

"Yes." He answered cautiously. He would never forget that day and its aftermath.

"That day…I brought it up…and I told you …everything had seemed so complicated and hard and then you pulled me out of the water. And I came back to life…remember that?"

"Yes."

"And I told you that for a moment, everything was so clear...as if the water had washed everything clean. Do you remember that? Derek…you remember that afternoon…when we conceived our baby…"

"Yes," he whispered softly, his lips kissing her cheek in a moment of quiet intimacy.

"I'm sorry…" she said as her fingers lightly caressed his forearm.

"Sorry…what do you have to be sorry for?"

"That…" she paused attempting to disguise the catch in her voice, "that …"

"Meredith," he whispered, holding her closer, "it's… all behind us…"

"No…it's not…not this…"

"What is it?"

"I'm sorry I didn't tell you how I felt that day…how I felt being in your arms…safe…and happier than I could ever remember…and I didn't tell you…and I should have…and I'm sorry…because…that day…we shared something so intimate…and you were right"

"About what?" He asked without pressing her further.

"How vulnerable I felt…I did Derek…I did," she said, and he sensed the tears that began to gather in her eyes, and kissing her cheek gently turned her to face him and cupped her face in his hands.

"And…we conceived our baby…" he said quietly, acknowledging he knew what she was trying to tell him.

"We did…and I want you to know…that even if I knew all that we'd go through…all the sadness… being able to remember that moment…the moment afterwards…how I felt in your arms…and then knowing …about our baby…I'd go through it all again …because if I were to forget everything," she said, emotions overwhelming as she thought of the possibilities, "but could remember that moment…and know that we'd get to where we are right now…."

"Meredith…you're not going to forget…" he said emphatically.

"But…I could…"

"You won't."

"You're so sure."

"I have faith."

"Enough for both of us," she stated, simply and without doubts.

"Enough for both of us," he confirmed.

"Derek…" she said, and kissed him softly, her lips lingering ever so lightly over his. "What we've gone through, these last thirty days…I have faith too. My dream and Brianna…she gave me that."

"I know," he said quietly, almost reverently as he cupped her face and simply held her. "I'm sorry too…I wish that I'd had the courage not to walk away…and instead hovered just a bit longer and not listened to Cristina… and helped us both to realize how much we needed and wanted and loved each other that day."

"Me too…" she said softly, and their gazes locked without judgment, simply accepting the life changing significance of that moment, that one afternoon, in an on call room thousands of miles away had been the turning point…the moment where their love had culminated in the most miraculous expression of love…and then conceived a child, and in spite of, or perhaps because of the ill fated loss, that moment had also cemented a love that would withstand all the tests of time…indeed conceived a love of legends.

"No more sadness," he whispered, "the rest of this trip…no more sadness," he said upon her lips.

"You're right," she agreed, a half smile on her lips. "It just happened, you know," she said raking her fingers slowly through his hair, "being on the ferry, thinking back…it brought back those memories…but Derek," she said, her eyes never leaving his, "you saved me…that…that was our…"

"Miracle," he said, "you're my miracle…you…being ok…being in my life…and I should have never taken that for granted."

"You didn't…we didn't…look at where we are now."

"Yes…you're right," he said and kissed her softly and then much the same as she'd done earlier wrapped her scarf and jacket snugly around her before turning her around softly and pressed the length of her body against him.

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"This trip," she said melancholically once again as she looked over to the approaching dock, "it's a little like before…a month before…it all felt similar …" she said and words were not required, as they both knew she meant her drowning. "Things were complicated and hard…and now…truly everything is clear…we've talked about so many things that had been avoided and we have a lifetime ahead of us."

"We do," he agreed, "have a lifetime…and we'll also discover many more things about each other and…don't forget…you saved me first… my breath of fresh air."

"Our story…" she smiled, "we saved each other."

"Yes…love…we did."

"I hope…next time…our next baby," she said, "that will know…that we can look back and think about that moment…and have no doubts... just as with Brianna."

"We'll know Meredith…somehow…we'll know," and instinctively her hands rested low on her abdomen, and he placed his on top of them, gently caressing her.

"We'll know," she whispered softly as she felt his lips linger lovingly on her cheek.

They'd remained silent for several minutes, being held in each other's embrace the only thing needed between them.

Now, as they were close to docking Derek asked her, "so…Mrs. Shepherd, how do you want to spend the rest of our honeymoon?"

She smiled, turning the conversation again to light and teasing, "you mean the afternoon that we're going to spend with my in-laws and your friend the man whore? That rest of the honeymoon?"

"Yes," he laughed, "that rest of the honeymoon you chose for us today."

"I chose," she laughed and turned in his arms again to face him, and they both wrapped their arms around the other's waist.

"Yep…" he smiled at her, "doomed us to an afternoon with the in-laws, when we could be spending our last, let's see…" he stopped and looked at his watch, "forty four hours in Italy alone together."

"How could I not mention we could run into each other when your mother said they were here, seriously Derek…what if we'd run into them anyway, since we're all here, that would have been awkward and rude…and she'd know we'd purposely avoided telling her…and she likes me Derek…dark and twisty…she liked me…and I don't do families and I can't risk…"

"Shush…" he said as his lips found hers, "I'm teasing you…and it's ok…we can spend the afternoon with them…I don't mind…it's ok."

"She likes me Derek… a Mom…and she likes me."

"She loves you," he said kissing her softly again.

"I'll make it up to you," she smiled upon his lips.

"We'll make it up to each other," he said, nipping at her lips playfully.

"Ok," she smiled.

"Ok."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…we're almost there."

"I'm also sorry I didn't tell you that I loved you. That day…"

"I should have told you too," he said. "But, we've made up for that…haven't we?"

"We have…and I'm never going to stop telling you now," she said as her fingers entwined with his.

"Neither will I," he told her. "I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek."

The ferry reached the dock of the picturesque town of Bellagio with its narrowed cobbled streets and as soon as they disembarked agreed to a light lunch on the relaxing lakeside promenade.

"Mrs. Shepherd," he teased, kissing her neck before sitting down at the table. He'd told her to order lunch when they'd both made a stop in the washroom. "You still haven't told me what you'd like to do …the rest of our honeymoon?"

"Well," she smiled as she tore open a package of thin breadsticks, "after we give them enough details to email or text to the rest of our very nosy family," she giggled.

"Our family," he smiled.

"Yes," she said simply as she reached for his hand and squeezed it. "Then, we'll get rid of them…and the rest of our honeymoon…" she smiled seductively.

"Yes…" he said as he gently massaged the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Derek," she smiled, "you do that really well."

"What…"

"Turn me on…"

"Are you purposely trying to tease me in public…when you know I can't do anything about it," he cocked his head in the way that made her heart skip a beat.

"I'm telling you the truth…just your touch," she said as she placed her hand over his, "makes me feel all…"

"Mushy and sentimental," he offered, smiling.

"Yes," she whispered and kissed his lips.

Their meal was brought without delay to Derek's surprise. "Mer, this is a light meal…" he asked trying to conceal his amusement.

"You said to order for you…and it's light…you have fish, fresh from the lake and vegetable."

"And you have a light helping of what appears to be a triple sized portion of lasagna"

"And salad, Derek," she smiled, as she placed a small bowl in front of him and reached for hers, "salad is healthy and light," she finished as he smiled indulgently.

"It would be interesting to see what you'd consider a heavy meal," he quipped.

"That would have meant you had lasagna and your own dessert."

"You mean, I don't get dessert?"

"You're sharing mine," she told him and he laughed, as they continued their banter filled teasing and light caresses throughout their very late lunch.

"Getting back to our honeymoon," he said after she made him taste her lasagna, "I imagine…" he continued to give her their look, "once we get rid of your pesky family."

She laughed, "my pesky family."

"Oh, yes. They are all yours today."

"Then what," she laughed.

"You tell me…you still haven't told me what you want to do with the rest of our honeymoon."

"I'm hoping…just like that first night," she teased, "you'll take advantage of me, Dr. Shepherd…the rest of our many uninterrupted hours left…"

"I plan on it…Mrs. Shepherd…I plan on it…"

She looked at him and smiled, "you're admitting it…you took advantage that first night."

"I'll admit to anything…anything you want…in exchange for those uninterrupted hours," he teased her and brought a bite of dessert to her mouth.

She savored the tiramisu and then leaned in to kiss him, "oh Derek, I love you so much."

"As I do… I adore you Meredith," he said as their lips lingered.

"What do you know," they smiled and broke apart hearing Mark's booming voice, "if this lip lock isn't a surprise."

"Mark, stop teasing them right now," they heard his mother speak up.

"Mom," Derek said as he got up and hugged her, and she then turned to hug Meredith.

"You look lovely dear, and I'm so glad we had a chance to see you again."

"I'm glad too," Meredith said returning the hug.

"What about me," Mark said, "don't I get a hug too?"

"No, Derek gets jealous," she smiled giving a kiss on the cheek.

"He trusts me," Mark said engulfing her in a hug.

"I don't know why," Derek laughed, "but I do."

"You know why," Meredith laughed, "he'll be dead if he even thinks…"

"Such a smart woman I married," Derek smiled as he shook Mark's hand.

"Are you about done? Kathleen and Kevin didn't park, she didn't want to waste time so she could get to a market."

"We're just about done," Derek said smiling, "Mer's going to want to finish her dessert she had a light lunch."

"You ass," she mouthed, smacking his arm lightly.

"You did," he said, pointing to the half full bowl at her place setting, "you didn't finish your salad," and to his delight, she laughed and embraced him.

"So, let's finish dessert," she said playfully and reached for the fork and took a bite of the tiramisu and then another, all happening in seconds oblivious to Mark taking out his wallet and paying for their meal, and then the last piece she brought to Derek's lips, "for you…the last piece."

"I love you," he said taking a small bite, "I'll share that last piece with you," and took the fork from her and fed her.

"I love you too."

"Enough you two, Kat and Kevin just pulled up," Mark told them. "Let's go," he said as he opened the car door and helped Derek's mother get in the car.

Meredith and Derek followed and once seated comfortably, he joked, "you guys got a van, you're in Italy and you're driving around in a van, don't you get enough of that at home?"

"What are you driving?" Kathleen asked.

"A toy," Meredith laughed.

"You'll soon learn Shep," Kevin answered, "a van is not just for transporting kids but for the countless bags of shopping for your ever growing family."

"Oh, stop complaining," Kathleen laughed, "you've found more things to buy for the kids than I have."

"Well, their mother has abandoned them twice in the last thirty days…to Nancy's clutches."

"Oh you ass, wait till I tell her," Kathleen laughed.

"We're buying her off too…you spent enough money on that gift for her."

"She is keeping our kids Kevin."

"And we haven't kept hers?"

"Yeah…well, this was different, and it's Derek's fault since they're feeling left out of the wedding celebration."

"Good point hon, Derek gets to pay."

"Kevin," his wife scolded, with a slight hint of laughter, "that's mean," and then reached for his hand and playfully kissed him.

"Foreplay," Mark commented out of the blue, "they've been doing this all morning," and all six adults laughed.

"Speaking of which," Kevin commented.

"Shep," Mark picked up on Kevin's comment, and smirked, "you look…rested," he drawled.

"Mark…use grown up words," Kathleen said, "they do not look rested, sated, satisfied…maybe… rested…unlikely."

"Kat honey, we don't have that look on our faces…and we've been …sated, I think Mark's right…they look rested."

"Both of you," Carolyn said, and glared at her son in law, "all three of you…leave them alone, of course they're not rested, who rests on their honeymoon," she stated, and both Meredith and Derek laughed, as they reached for each other's hand and smiled.

"Go along with me," Derek whispered and captured her lips, and she did, and giggled as he ignored the others and gave in to an intimate kiss.

"Mrs. S," Mark said, "you now have two kids determined to corrupt me."

"Mark sweetheart," she laughed, "you were corrupted long ago, in fact, I'm sure I overheard Nancy say something about rites of passage."

Kathleen and Kevin roared with laughter, "yes, Mark, do tell."

"I don't know what you're talking about," he said, unusually contrite.

Meredith looked at Derek questioningly, "tell you later," he said and decided to get Mark out of his predicament, mainly because he did not care to hear what other sister had succumbed to a rite of passage. "What have you guys done the last couple of days?"

"Well dear, Mark has been wonderful… even letting those two have dinner alone last night and he's been the perfect tour guide for Cristina, Lexie and I…even went with them to the airport this morning to make sure all went smoothly with their flight."

"Shep, if anyone is to blame for this van," Kevin said, "it's Mark, he picked up the car for us this morning."

"You went with Cristina and Lexie to the airport?" Meredith asked.

"It wasn't a big deal…and I'm kind of responsible to make sure they get back in time, or Bailey will kill me…besides, Kat wanted information Lexie looked up on the internet last night ."

"And you know this…" Meredith said, "why?"

"Because I kept her company in the business center."

"Mer, she really does have a photographic memory," Kat said, "and she's lovely."

"So different from Cristina," Carolyn Shepherd said, "but that girl has a soft vulnerable side."

"Yang, Cristina?" Derek, Mark and Meredith echoed.

"Yes, Cristina. She'll surprise you yet. I think you'll see it when she truly falls in love. She didn't love that fiancé of hers, and he was an ass."

"Cristina told you about Burke?" Meredith asked.

"Not willingly, but I heard enough. No man does what he did on his wedding day and if you love someone you accept them as they are and not try to mold them to your expectations. So…yes…I expect to see that side of her, mark my words."

"Ok Sloan," Kevin asked, "where is this market we're going to?"

Mark rattled off directions and added, "these markets, Lexie said were great sources for souvenirs and they have them in most towns and villages on a regular basis, the one today she found usually has a good selection of glass blown objects, leather ,ceramics and regional crafts that are quite unique."

Meredith exchanged a glance with Derek, while he had his hand on her back and gently caressed her, whispering softly in her ear, "Xena two…relax."

"That's rather amazing dear," Carolyn said as her daughter turned and looked at her, "how well you remembered all of that…it's the second time you rattle it off today."

"It's osmosis Mom, he's picking up Lexie's photographic memory by spending so much time with her."

Meredith turned her head back to look at her mother in law who had a smile on her face, and then to her sister in law in the front seat, with both of whom she shared a secret smile.

"Well dear, it's just as well it was her photographic mind, rather than Cristina's sourness," her mother in law added, careful not to give away their thoughts.

Within fifteen minutes they'd reach the village and found parking and as soon as Kathleen got out of the car she walked to her brother and sister in law and embraced them. "I'm so glad we got to see you. Even if we are interrupting your honeymoon, but hey, you're out shopping and sightseeing too…so we can't be too bad with the meddling."

"Kat, honey, you're rambling," Kevin said as he extended his hand to Derek, and when Kathleen let Meredith out of her embrace, gave her a kiss on the cheek.

The group walked toward the market area, the two couples walking hand in hand and Mark linked Carolyn's arms through his as they each browsed through the different displays.

"Derek," Meredith said as they reached an area where several things caught her eye, "isn't this lovely," she said softly as she ran her fingers over one particular item, surprising him, but when he saw the look in her face he agreed, before she said, "for Kelly, I think she'd like this," and they spent a while longer walking around and acquiring a couple more things before his mother and sister caught up with them.

"I'm all shopped out," Kathleen said, "I've enough for everybody. Tomorrow, I'm going to find some things for myself," she told Meredith, "maybe even a deliciously sinful and expensive designer outfit and hand bag in Milan."

"I told you not to buy so much dear, the kids are spoiled enough."

"I know Mom, but how can I not bring something back for each of the kids, when they're going to see what I got mine, and it's just a little souvenir for each."

"And your sisters…"

"You do the same, so don't lecture me," Kathleen said and linked her arms through her mother's and smiled, "we're the same in that Mom."

"I still have to pretend for Kevin's sake," she smiled, "so I'm not the horrible mother in law."

"Did someone mention my witch of a mother in law," Kevin said and put his arm around Carolyn's shoulder, "encouraging my wife to shop, again," he said as they all laughed.

"Let's head back," Derek said, "it looks like they've started to dismantle and we'll want to catch a ferry by seven. That will still give us some time to spend in Bellagio."

Bellagio was a short ride away and after finding parking, the women found themselves walking ahead of the men, and when they approached a well known wine store, Derek called out for Meredith to join him. "I'm thinking of sending a case to John and Colleen, what do you think, wine from the region? The use of the villa was very generous."

"That's a lovely idea, I think they'll like that. And Derek, you know what I think would be nice…" she said speaking quietly.

"You're going to make me do that?"

"I think so…"

"You're too soft Mer."

"He's been wonderful Derek, he's been a really good friend."

"You're right," he said, and kissed her softly. "I'll take care of it."

"We're going to leave the two of you alone while we walk around," Kathleen said, "and then we can meet up before we take the ferry back to Como."

"Oh, no…" Meredith said, "Derek's going shopping with Mark and Kevin, so I can finish getting a couple of things I wanted."

"Meredith dear, you don't want to spend time shopping with us, you want to spend your time with Derek, and we get that…so run along…we'll see you later."

"Mom, trust me, she's given me instructions."

"Really dear…we understand you don't want to waste time with us."

"That's ok," Meredith said, immediately defensive, and walking over to Derek, "I'll stay with Derek."

"Meredith Shepherd," Kathleen said, as she pulled her hand "don't you dare. Mom's being considerate and doesn't want you to think of her as the meddling mother in law."

"But I don't," Meredith said quietly, fidgeting with her rings.

"Sweetheart, I just didn't want us to impose on your time any longer today."

"You're not. We wanted to see you and I still have a few presents to buy and Derek hates shopping, unless it's something he's picked out for me," she said winking at him.

They agreed to meet up again in an hour, and the women walked to Via Garibaldi, and shopped along its bougainvillea covered façades, stopping several times including a leather shop where Carolyn found a black pair of soft leather gloves she picked up a couple of times. "You like those," Meredith said.

"They're lovely dear, and the leather is exquisitely soft."

Meredith picked them up, "and they're lined with cashmere, perfect for your cold winters, why don't you try them?"

"They are rather expensive and I don't need them," she said very sensibly.

"But you like them," Meredith said.

"Yes, but I don't need them. Now, what are you getting?"

"Please try them on. I'd like to get them for you, my gift."

"Oh no, absolutely not," she was adamant, and just then Kathleen walked to them.

"What are you being stubborn about?"

"Meredith is being silly, wanting to buy me these gloves, when they've already spent so much money on me. I'm telling her she can't."

"Of course I can…and I'd like for you to let me. I've never had a mom to go shopping with before," she said.

"Sweetheart, you don't have to get me anything else, you and Derek got me the blackberry and this trip."

"But, I'd like to…this is the first time…I've been shopping like this, an afternoon, shopping with my family," both Kathleen and her mother exchanged tear filled smiles, "and they're from me. Derek bought the blackberry."

Carolyn asked for her size and tried on the gloves, "these are beautiful Meredith, they will last for years, thank you," she said and kissed her cheek softly.

They found another shop with beautiful silks from the region and Meredith asked Kathleen to help pick out the perfect color for each of Derek's sisters to send a small gift back, and then took the scarf Kathleen had picked out for herself and paid for all of them.

"You are very bossy Meredith," Kathleen protested, "I was getting that for myself."

"Yes, but I'd rather it's from me, it's a very small thing for me to get for you, for all you've done…being there for me."

"Fine," Kathleen said, "I'm not going to get all sentimental now."

"Thank you," Meredith said, "you have no idea what your support and friendship has meant to me."

"I know," Kathleen said and squeezed her hand, "I do know."

Each woman seemed to find something to buy as they went along. Meredith stopped at a window and was quiet for a few moments, while Carolyn and Kathleen exchanged concerned looks before she looked over at them, "I've found the perfect thing I was looking for."

"Dear are you sure you want to do this," Carolyn asked and Meredith smiled.

"One of the nurses at the hospital is pregnant, and has been very kind to me, it's a beautiful baby gift," she said, and squeezed her mother in law's hand, "and I'm ok," she smiled softly as she walked through the doors of the baby store.

"Meredith," Carolyn said when they walked out with her purchase, "you are so very special, and I'm so happy you are in my son's life."

"I'm lucky to have found him…we're lucky to have found each other."

"Yes," she agreed with her, "you both are…and so are we, to have you in our lives," she said as she spoke loud enough for Kathleen to hear her.

"Mom, you are not going to make us cry."

"No, I am not," she said with unshed tears as she looked at her daughter, "and neither are you," she said as all three women shared an intimately profound familial bond.

"Grey, you have converted him," Mark said as they approached them at the agreed upon café and the men were at a table enjoying coffee, and he got up and hugged Meredith, "he is no longer a cheapskate, he replaced my shoes."

"He did," Meredith said as she smiled at Derek.

"You know he did…you told him to."

"I don't tell my husband what to do Mark," she argued playfully.

"Bullshit…"

"Mark, watch your language."

"Mrs. S," he whined.

"Did you buy out the stores?" Derek asked playfully.

"Hardly, there wasn't time," Kathleen said.

"I thought you were all shopped out," Kevin laughed.

"Honey…when am I ever all shopped out?"

"Did you get me anything?" Kevin asked.

"Sort of…" she teased him.

"She means he got lingerie, Kev," Mark said.

"He knows exactly what I mean," Kathleen said and went to sit next to her husband.

"See dear," Carolyn said, "that's what you have to look forward to, if you find a nice girl to marry, they don't even need words and they know what they mean."

"Bite your tongue, I'm not getting married and tying myself to one woman."

"Whatever you say dear," she agreed, "it's difficult to see you settled and married. Even Lexie said you'd be the last man she'd think of as a husband."

Kathleen let out a laugh at the obvious twist of her mother's words.

"What are you laughing at?" Mark asked.

"Just something…intimate between spouses," she said before she buried her face in Kevin's neck.

"Right, you're making fun of me," Mark pouted. "I bet Lexie didn't say that, she's too nice to say that, even if it's true…and she thought that, she's too nice to say that."

"Well, dear we weren't really talking about you as a husband of course, just that you're not her type…you know…"

"She's a kid, of course I'm not her type."

"Exactly…dear," Carolyn said allowing the words to linger, and as she was now sitting next to Kathleen pinched her to keep her from laughing.

"Mom," she reacted, "did I tell you what I got for Jenna."

"He is so screwed," Kevin whispered in Kathleen's ear and her laughter filled the air.

"He has no idea," she told him. "Mom's convinced this will lead to something."

"Meredith will kill him if he hurts her," Kevin said.

"She'll expect Derek to take care of that for her," Kathleen giggled and kissed her husband.

"Mrs. S, aren't you embarrassed by this behavior?" Mark asked.

"What behavior dear?"

"Both your kids making out in public?"

"I've had twenty years to get used to it. And Meredith and Derek are behaving," she said as she looked over to them simply staring at her in silence since she began testing Mark's reaction, "for now."

"Tell me Meredith is the hotel everything you expected," Kathleen asked once they were on the ferry on the way to Como.

"I didn't know what to expect, so Derek should answer that," she smiled.

"Not really Kat, it's not what I expected at all."

"Are you serious? Derek I spent hours finding you that place, it's one of the best and top rated hotels in the world. How can it not be what you expected? I was hoping we'd get back early enough to visit the grounds…"

"Kat, we're not staying there," Derek told her, letting her continue her ramble, as he reached for Meredith's hand and smiled.

"Derek Christopher, stop with your jokes," his mother said, "of course you're staying there, you got our message, so stop teasing your sister, she spent a lot of time helping you find the hotel."

"So she told you about that did she?"

"Of course she did, she told us all how you drove her crazy changing your mind about what Meredith would like best."

"We're not staying at the hotel," he began explaining the reasons they got an upgrade, "and instead have a stunning lakeside villa. What do you think of it Mer? Has it met your expectations?"

"Oh Kathleen, it's just beyond anything I'd expected…the hotel itself is a magnificent building of another era, but the villa has been…well, yes, it's exceeded all my expectations."

"Grey…wouldn't that have been the case anywhere you were with Shepherd?" Mark asked.

"You're right Mark," she agreed, "anywhere I spent with Derek would have been perfect."

"Newly wedded bliss," Kevin laughed and smiled at Kathleen, "we need to drink a toast to you guys…so it lasts as long as it has for us."

"Kevin and I will have to come back, we've been thinking about a trip to Italy for a while, so maybe next year, it will be our anniversary trip."

"You're already here Kat, you should see it…it's a beautiful property and the villa where we're staying…" Meredith told them, and before thinking she continued, "you should come with us and visit, we can have dinner before you drive back."

Five pairs of eyes looked at her incredulously. "No dear," Carolyn spoke, "we are not interrupting any more of your time together."

"Mom," Derek said, "Mer's right, we're going to have dinner since she won't let me get away without feeding her so you're not interrupting. You'd like where we're staying."

The decision was going to be taken out of their hands as a light fog rolled in as the ferry continued to sail, and by the time they docked they heard comments about the unusual weather.

"You're not going to drive in this weather, it's a two lane road along the lake," Derek told Kevin. "You can stay with us tonight," and gave them directions to Cernobbio.

"We've already paid for our rooms and we'll take out time driving back," Kevin assured him.

"Nonsense, our place big enough. So you forfeit the hotel night."

When he and Meredith got in the car he called Angela and asked if she could arrange for the hotel to have dinner delivered and apologizing asked if she would mind getting the other rooms ready for his family to spend the night.

"Are you mad at me?" Meredith asked.

"Why?"

"We won't be alone tonight."

"I'm not mad. They can't drive in this fog. Maybe it was meant to happen this way," he said, keeping his eye on the road but extended his hand, which she joined with his immediately, and he brought to his lips.

Angela insisted on serving their informal meal, and they later sat around the parlor each enjoying their choice of liquor. The two couples sat on the couch, while Mark and Carolyn each lounged on the chairs facing them.

"Shep," Mark said, "shit man, we owe you…we fucking crashed your honeymoon."

"Believe me Mark," he smiled, "you being here…won't affect our honeymoon," he said as he lifted Meredith to his lap. "Right…Mer?"

"Not at all," she giggled, and whispered to him, "except we'll have to practice being quiet."

"Practice huh…" he teased her, and nuzzled her neck.

"For the kids Derek…" she whispered upon his lips.

"Already told you Mer…we're soundproofing the walls," and their joint laughter echoed through the room as their family looked on and smiled, as two lovers, almost irreparably broken thirty days before, shared their happiness.

"I love you Derek," she said softly. "Thank you…for sharing your family."

"Our family."

"Yes," she smiled. "Our family."


	165. Chapter 165

**Ch 159 - Teasing roars and laughter **

Meredith rested her head on his shoulder, and he whispered in her ear making her smile and then laugh softly.

"Ok you two," Mark said, "stop with the secrets. We already know you're keeping us in the dark about your engagement and the lion tamer," Mark taunted, "and having a zoo in the house."

"You are the one that admittedly crashed our honeymoon," Derek reminded him, as he continued to run his fingers through her hair.

"That's mean, Derek," Meredith said playfully as she got up from his lap. "We invited them, we can," she smiled as she leaned down to kiss him, and grabbed his glass, "pretend to be gracious hosts."

"Really Shep, take a lesson from your wife," Mark winked at Meredith.

"Stop flirting with my wife," Derek told him. "I saw you winking at her," and following her lead took Mark's glass as well as Kevin's to refill.

Kathleen walked to the fireplace and joined Meredith at the adjacent well stocked bar. "Meredith," she smiled, "I'm glad we were able to spend time with you, but I'm sorry we've crashed your evening."

"You haven't crashed it," Derek spoke as he joined them, "you being here…"

"I know…I know…" Kathleen laughed, "it's not going to make a dent on your honeymoon. I just hope you're not as loud as Cristina and Lexie commented."

"I'm not loud," Meredith laughed as she poured champagne in her glass, "Derek is."

"Mer," Kathleen teased her, "that's not what we've heard."

"He just…" she smiled at him, "roars…louder," she said and he grabbed her by the waist and lightly bit her neck.

"Kathleen," her mother called out, "Mark is right, stop with the secrets, and bring that bottle of champagne with you."

Kathleen took the bottle and gave it to Derek, "do as Mom said."

"How does he put up with you," Derek joked, giving his sister a hug. "We don't mind you being here Kat."

"Right…" she smiled, and when he had walked away she said, "Meredith, we really had no intention of being here, but Mom was so excited with her blackberry she wanted the first message to go to you…and then when you suggested we'd run into each other… even if she won't admit it she really wanted to see you both."

"Kat, it's ok…I really wanted to see you all."

"You're on you're honeymoon…I'm sure you did not want to spend time with family."

"I didn't mind…I've never had that…so, it was ok, and we were spending the day playing tourist anyway."

"Yeah," Kathleen said taking a sip of her champagne, "that surprised me, I'd have thought the two of you would not have left this place."

"Your brother's idea," Meredith said quietly, "that we do a bit of sightseeing. He's being overprotective."

"Derek's idea?" Kathleen questioned and realization dawned on her, "oh wait, Meredith is something wrong?"

"Yes, no, I mean…yes it was his idea but no, there's nothing wrong…he just…well you know…we hadn't…"

"My brother is being protective…sensitive to that fact," she smiled softly.

"Yes…Kathleen, he's been wonderful. I keep telling him I'm ok…but he's just been so… you know…wanting to take care of me," she said quietly.

"Let him…Meredith," she said and hugged her. "Let him take care of you."

"I have…I'm letting him…and Kathleen…from the day we met…when you first got to Seattle and things were not good…we've both… we are trying to take care of each other. Not to ever go back to where we were when Derek called you."

"I know that. I can see it in your eyes…both of you…I can see the healing that's taken place."

"It has," Meredith said quietly. "We've taken those steps…and we're talking and taking care of each other."

"You're happy. I can see it, and I'm delighted to have shared some of it with you."

"Meredith, Kathleen," they heard Carolyn say, "join us and share whatever it is with us."

Kathleen squeezed Meredith's hand and smiled, "let's join your family."

"My family," Meredith laughed. "That's what Derek said."

"Oh yes…we give them away when they're being a pain in the ass," Kathleen said as they walked the short distance to the other room, and both still laughing joined their family.

"What are you two laughing about?" Derek asked as he reached for her hand and pulled her down to sit next to him.

"Mer was filling me on …" Kathleen winked at her, "various levels of roaring."

"She did what," Derek said a bit stunned.

"I was not," Meredith laughed, "she's making that up."

"She's right, it was just a conversation about the lion tamer."

"Kat…" Derek said.

"What…ask her," Kathleen teased him, "I know all about the zoo now."

"She filled you in, did she?" Derek smiled. "Did she tell you how it all got started?"

"They're lying Shep," Mark laughed, "they are both lying through their teeth," and both Kathleen and Meredith laughed.

"Girls," Carolyn said, "you know what they say about teasing…"

"Mom…" Kathleen smiled, "you're just wishing you'd heard Meredith's conversation."

"Dear, you know I'll find out sooner or later," she smiled, pleased with the relationship that has developed between Kathleen and Meredith.

"In case Meredith forgot to tell you," Derek said, "it all started when she called me a dead horse's ass."

"Derek," Meredith reacted immediately, and swatted his arm, "if you're going to tell the story, tell the truth," she said laughing.

"Grey," Mark smirked, "do tell, so I can fill Lexie in when I get back, she's dying to know the lion tamer's tale and the rest of the details on the proposal."

"What…" Meredith pretended to glare at him, "Mark, why do you need to take my sister to dinner?"

"Xena can take care of herself Grey, besides I told her and Yang I'd fill them in on the rest of the trip when I got back, get in some more bets…and it's not fair if I know the details and they don't."

"What is it with all the bets?" Carolyn asked.

"Mom, you don't want to know," Derek said, as he held Meredith's hand in his.

"Of course I do…I already know about the $ 100 bet about Hahn."

"You what," Mark said.

"Yes dear, I know that Derek bet $ 100 against you."

"Shep, you're an ass," Mark said.

"Mark," Meredith said, "you already knew that."

"He's still an ass," he said, and everyone laughed.

The banter and tales continued over the next hour as Derek indeed told them about otters and crabs and Meredith smiled as he kept the lion tamer story intimately for themselves.

"The most amusing part of our trip," Derek smiled, as he gently squeezed her hand, "was when the flight attendant called her Mrs. Shepherd and Mer did not react."

"Stop making fun of me," she said and squeezed his hand, letting him know she was going along and the diversion to other subjects. "You were flirting outrageously and I wasn't having any part of it."

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn said, "how could you, flirting with a flight attendant in front of your wife."

"She wasn't my wife at the time," he joked, and felt the simultaneous smacks on the back of his head. "Mer…I'm just kidding. Shit Kathleen that hurt."

"That's because she's too easy on you," Kathleen said, "Meredith don't let him get away with anything."

"Great," he mumbled, "just what I need…Xena 4."

"Stop whining," Kathleen told him.

"She knows I'm kidding," he protested.

"Derek," his sister smiled, "I know you are too."

"Then why did you hit me?"

"Because you still shouldn't say it, right Kev?"

"Absolutely," he smiled as he leaned over and kissed her and wisely changed the subject. "Shep, we have a pending toast," he said, "to newly wedded bliss, and that it lasts as long as it has for us," he said, and after they all drank, kissed his wife's lips.

"I love you Derek," Meredith whispered in his ear.

"I know you do," he smiled and whispered back, "your family is relentless."

"But they're not finding out about the lion tamer," she told him, and they both laughed.

Mark cleared his throat, "anyone care to bet…"

"Mark Sloan," Carolyn warned, though the smile betrayed her.

"Any bets…" he continued in an amused tone, "on the lion or the lion tamer tonight?"

"Oh, I'd bet on the lion tamer," Kathleen said.

"I'd bet on the lion tamer making the lion roar," Kevin said.

"Same thing honey," Kathleen laughed, "exactly the same thing."

"All right children," Carolyn said and rose from her chair. "I think it's time we called it a night. We have imposed enough on the newlyweds."

"It's barely ten thirty," Mark protested, "too early to go to sleep."

"Mark," Kevin laughed, "who said anything about sleeping?"

"Well dear, you could help me clean up, and kill a few more minutes," Carolyn said.

Mark pouted, "too bad Lexie and Yang are gone. They'd be up for a night on the town."

The women exchanged glances immediately, and Carolyn said, "dear, I'm sure the hotel has a bar, just because we're calling it a night, doesn't mean you have to, but we do have an early morning, and you have a long flight ahead of you."

"You're right," he said, "but, you want to watch a movie with me, try to tune out the roars," he smiled at her.

"We can do that, let me clean up a little here," she smiled, thinking back to the first time she met him, and how attached he'd become to her family. He was still in need of motherly affection. "I'm sure I saw a flat screen on this floor, how about thirty minutes so I can take a quick shower as well. Girls, help me clean up."

"Mom," Derek told her, "you don't have to do that. It will be taken care of in the morning."

"Nonsense, the three of us can do this in no time at all, go on," she said to Kevin and Derek in a tone that left no options, "your wives will be up in a few minutes."

"Mom…" Kathleen said as soon as the men had left the room.

"Yes dear," she smiled, as she gathered two of the glasses, "let's take this to the kitchen."

"Carolyn," Meredith smiled, "what are you up to?"

"Nothing dear," she said, as she walked to the kitchen with Meredith and Kathleen following behind with the remaining glasses. "I just think you're wise to warn Mark about dating Lexie."

"Dating Lexie," both Kathleen and Meredith said.

"You know what I mean…" Carolyn said, as she turned the cold water faucet.

"Let me do that," Meredith said, "you know I don't cook, but I can at least to dishes."

"Get a maid Meredith," Kathleen said, "you don't have to cook, let my brother pay for a housekeeper."

"Kat, that's awful."

"No, it's not. You're both doctors, you'll need help, especially when you have a family. He can afford it Mer."

"I know he can, but still."

"Meredith, don't listen to her, do whatever is right for you now. But, when there's kids, you'll want help, believe me, I wish I'd had it."

"Mom, don't change the subject. Fess up about Mark, you know that's why you kept us down here."

"Well dear, I just think," she began and shared her impressions with Kathleen and Meredith.

"Mom, you're a witch," Kathleen laughed.

"Ah…Kat," Meredith paused, "you shouldn't call her that."

"She doesn't mind."

"Well…it's sort of …I mean, Derek and I…when we have kids…we've kind of agreed…that…"

"What," Carolyn interrupted, "you're going to call their grandmother a witch," she said with a glint of mockery in her eyes.

"No, no, of course not," Meredith rambled, "of course not, we just…I mean, we've been joking about telling the kids how we met…and well, of course we're not going to call you a witch…but we sort of agreed, he had no choice really, that Addison would be the wicked witch of the east…"

Carolyn and Kathleen stared at her before they started laughing, "oh my God, Mer," Kathleen said, and continued laughing, "that…that's priceless…"

"You're going to tell your kids about Addison," Carolyn laughed, "why?"

"Because…well, how else do we explain it to them, I'm sure they're going to hear about her, and what else can she be…" she smiled, "and Derek agreed," she said and told them about the conversation about shopping in Venice and the wear and tear of the wicked witch's clothing and had them both laughing as they shared another moment of building familial bonds.

"That is very fitting Meredith, and I will do my best to make sure they know about the witch," her mother in law said.

"You will?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"Of course, she was never right for Derek, she was a witch in my book…oh forget that, she was a bitch, but, we'll tune it down for my grandchildren."

"You didn't like her?"

"Mom hated her," Kathleen said, "especially after that Thanksgiving," she said, "but, we'll share those stories another time, when we fly out to visit. Go to bed Meredith, before Derek comes looking for you," she said, "I'm going to join my husband."

"Keep the roars down dear," her mother said.

"Good night mother," Kathleen smiled and kissed her cheek goodnight, "don't keep Meredith here, she's too polite to tell you how impatient she is to join Derek."

"Kathleen," Meredith protested.

"She can talk your ear off," Kathleen told her, "good night Mer."

"She's right, I can talk your ear off, but…just between you and me…" she said, "keep an eye on Mark and Lexie, mark my words Meredith…those two…"

"He's dating someone, he's not interested in Lexie, and she is too young."

"Sweetheart, he has the emotional maturity of a twenty year old. We'll talk more, when I see you, you can fill me in…but, I just have this feeling."

"I don't want him to hurt her."

"I know you don't. You get to be the big sister here, that's all you're supposed to do. Now, run along and join your husband. I'll see you in the morning," she said and kissed her cheek as she'd done her daughter.

Meredith hesitated, "I'm…Carolyn…Ailene really since we're being mushy and sentimental," she said and her mother in law smiled, "I'm glad we got to see you today."

"So am I dear."

"Good night," Meredith said and before walking away, briefly hugged her.

Meredith walked in their room, candlelight from the bathroom the only illumination in their bedroom. "Derek," she called out quietly and followed the glow to find him immersed in the tub.

"I've been waiting for you, what took you so long?"

"Talking to your Mom and Kathleen," she said as she began to discard her clothing.

"You're joining me," he teased her.

"Would you prefer I don't," she asked and walked to the side of the tub wearing only her bra and panties and let her hand find her way to this thighs, then higher, "I'm tired, so I can say good night and see you in the morning."

His reaction was immediate as he reached for her, ready to pull her in.

"Derek," she squealed, "don't you dare."

"Pretend you're wearing a bathing suit," he said and ignoring her protest pulled her into the warmth of the water.

"You ass," she said laughing, "I much prefer a bath naked."

"I don't mind," he said playfully kissing her back, "getting you naked."

"You're good…very good," she said, "and fast…at getting me naked."

"Uhmmm…" he said as he unhooked her bra, and his mouth eventually found her breasts, making her moan with pleasure as his hands and mouth rediscovered her body.

"Derek," she said, "we have got to be quiet."

"We do," he agreed, and smiled as she moaned once again into his mouth and they took their time bathing and pleasuring the other, moans and giggles along with groans and laughter filling the candle scented bathroom as they attempted to keep their lovemaking silent before he helped her out of the tub and slowly and playfully took turns drying off the other, and then he picked her up and carried her to bed.

"Derek," she said, as he laid her on the bed, "we really…"

"Yes," he said as he lay next to her and kissed her

"We really have to be quiet or we'll never hear the end of it."

"We were quiet…in the bathroom…"

"We were quieter…" she laughed, but…"

"Mer…" he said, before he captured her mouth again, and they became lost in each other, their tongues a playful dance of mating.

"Derek…" she said when they both needed to breath, "we…."

"Mer….who cares if we're quiet…it's our honeymoon…we have sex…they know …"

"But, we can try to be quiet…"

"We can try," he said, and smiled and their lips found each other again, and without holding back enjoyed all of their favorite things.

Sated, they lay back on the pillows, hands interlaced, "what are you thinking?" she smiled.

He squeezed her hand and brought it to her lips and laughed, "that Kathleen may have been right."

"About what," she said, knowing full well what he was talking about.

"The levels of roaring," he said as their laughter filled the room and he turned to look at her, as she lay with her leg bent, content and fulfilled.

"I'm not getting up in the morning and facing your mother."

"Mer… she knows about sex, she's told you repeatedly…now tell me, what did you talk about?" he asked, and she shared the conversations with him.

"Uhmmm…so she things Mark and Lexie…and so do you and Kat, he's so screwed."

"Shepherd," she said indignantly, "you did not do so bad with a Grey."

"I found a treasure…with my Grey…" he told her and kissed her. "I just mean that Mom's usually right about these things, and he's going to eat his words…"

"Is that such a bad thing? I mean…you don't seem to mind that we're married."

"Mer…it has nothing to do with us, and you know it. He's a manwhore…he doesn't believe in this…I'd like for Mom to be right and see him fall head over heels…"

"Did you?"

"Completely…like a love sick puppy."

"You're mocking me."

"I'm not…you know how I feel about you…Meredith…the first night I saw you…"

"The first night you took advantage of me," she teased.

"Yes…"

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"You'll agree to anything I say now…won't you," she smiled seductively.

"Whatever you say," he laughed as he gathered her close to him.

"She also told Kathleen," Meredith giggled, "to keep the roars down."

"I told you," he laughed, and then kissed her, "she knows about sex."

"Five kids," Meredith laughed, "maybe she didn't."

"Mer," he said as he caressed her, "you know I love your legs, don't you…long and beautiful...especially wrapped around me."

"Derek…" she said, as his hand roamed her legs gently, and his mouth followed.

"Let's make this our quiet time," he said, and heard her gasp, as his mouth trailed kisses along her inner thigh.

"Yes," she agreed, "our quiet time," and completely forgot the comment as his lips and hands explored her body.

The dawn of a new day was more than an hour away as Meredith and Derek lay sleeping in each other's arms. She shifted slightly, smiling as she snuggled closer to his body, and he mumbled groggily. She opened her eyes and watched him sleep, thinking of how the tables had turned, usually it was him watching her. His expression was peaceful, relaxed, unlike weeks and months before when doubts and concern had been etched in his features, and she now resisted the urge to kiss him awake, but couldn't resist touching him, and gently pushed back the hair from his forehead.

"Uhmmm…"

She pulled back her hand, wanting him to sleep longer, and for long minutes enjoyed lying beside this man that loved her, as completely, as she loved him.

"Uhmmm…" he said again as his eyes opened slowly. "You're watching me sleep."

"Uh huh…"

"So…you can watch me sleep…and you're not a weirdo…but I am," he teased her.

"I'm watching my husband sleep," and he felt his heart skip a beat as she said those words and smiled at him, "that's perfectly normal."

"So…from now on," he said, "I can watch my wife sleep and not be considered a weirdo who watches women sleep."

"Absolutely…you can watch your wife sleep any time," she said, and leaned over to kiss him softly.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Derek," she said as her eyes began to close and she felt the comfort and security of his embrace, and both fell asleep again, a smile of contentment and happiness reflected on their faces unaware of the teasing they'd yet to endure.

Hours later, Meredith quietly slipped out of bed, and was surprised to see everyone having breakfast in the kitchen.

"Good morning dear," Carolyn greeted her, "you look well rested."

"She does not," Mark laughed, "they were up all night."

"We were not," Meredith argued, "must have been Kathleen and Kevin."

"Believe me, they were up too. The levels and sounds of roaring were very distinct, and what the hell do you guys laugh so much about."

"Don't pay attention to him Mer," Kathleen smiled, "he's just jealous."

"I had a very good night's sleep," Carolyn said, "so don't pay any attention to him."

"Of course she did," Kevin laughed, "she wears earplugs."

Meredith looked at them all, before laughing herself, "you wear earplugs?"

"Oh yes dear, learned that years ago. Derek's father snored, and then my kids got married, and it just made sure I had a good night's sleep when they're aorund."

"Speaking of Derek…" Kevin said, "where is he?"

"Still asleep," Meredith said, "I wanted to bring him breakfast and wasn't expecting all of you to be up."

"We have to leave soon dear, so we can drop Mark off at the airport."

"I'll get Derek."

"Let him sleep dear," Carolyn said.

"He's getting old," Mark laughed, "he needs more sleep."

"I'm going to get Derek, I know he'll want to say goodbye," she said as she gathered a cup of coffee and a bowl of cereal.

"Grey," Mark laughed, "that's the breakfast you had in mind for Shep?"

"Be quiet," she laughed, and left the room with a tray.

"Derek," she said softly, as she sat on the side of the bed and leaned in to kiss him, "I made you breakfast."

"Uhmmm…want to sleep."

"We can sleep some more later…but, everyone's leaving, they're having breakfast downstairs and I thought you'd want to say goodbye, but I wanted to bring it up to you."

"Oh…I forgot," he said as he opened his eyes, and smiled as she leaned in to kiss him again. "You made me breakfast."

"Uh huh…"

"Just like I like it," he said.

"Just like you like it," she laughed.

"Cereal again?"

"Muesli," she giggled. "In case you wanted breakfast in bed."

"I do love you Meredith," he smiled, and pulled her to him, and her body rested against him as he kissed the top of her head.

"Me too."

"So...are we joining them?"

"If you'd like," she smiled as she gave him his cup of coffee. "Apparently we were not quiet last night."

"Really…" he laughed.

"But neither were Kathleen and Kevin according to Mark," she told him the comments and both were laughing as they dressed and went to have breakfast.

They joined the family for breakfast and indeed endured the gentle teasing about their roaring competition with Kathleen and Kevin. His mother told them she and Kathleen had a lovely stroll along the stunning gardens of the hotel, and spoke of her two week trip through Italy and that Kathleen and Kevin were taking the train with her to Rome on Sunday, and would spend three days here before they flew home.

"Shep," Mark said as they finished loading their car with the bags, and looked over the Jaguar convertible, "nice set of wheels."

"Meredith thought I was crazy when I got it," he told him.

"But, basically," Meredith said, "it was his toy for the trip."

"I though you were…" Mark started to say, and she slapped his head playfully.

"Don't be an ass."

"What is it with you women…and those slaps," he pouted.

"Must have something to do with men making stupid remarks," Kathleen said as she joined them.

"We need to get going," Kevin said. "Shep…Mer…sorry we crashed your honeymoon."

"Honey," Kathleen said, "it didn't make a difference at all."

"We'll see you soon," Kathleen said, "yesterday was lovely…I'm glad we had a chance to see you again. Safe travels," she said and hugged her brother and then Meredith, and told them both. "It was wonderful to be here for your wedding…and now…to see you together and happy."

"We're glad too Kat," Meredith said and hugged her. "We'll talk soon."

"Kevin, thanks for being here, it meant a lot to us," Derek said as they shook hands and embraced briefly.

"Glad we could be here. See you in Seattle," he smiled, and turned to Meredith and kissed her cheek

"Shep, Mer…" Mark said, shaking Derek's hand and kissing her goodbye. "See you at home," he said as they all got in the car except Carolyn.

"Derek, thank you for making it possible to be here at your wedding."

"Mom…the minute I knew it would happen, I needed you here," he said and embraced her. "Thank you for accepting Meredith…for the affection you've shown her."

"She's now my daughter Derek…I mean that. You need her. There's no doubt in my mind she's the one…the only one that could be the love of your life."

"She is Mom…she is."

"I know that dear…I know…just like your father and I…she was the one."

"Uhmmm," he agreed, his emotions reflected on his face.

"Meredith," Carolyn called to her as she finished speaking with Kathleen.

"Carolyn, I'm so glad we got to see you yesterday…and that you could stay…and this morning."

"I am too sweetheart, so glad to have been here for your wedding…and finally get to know my new daughter," she said and hugged her, and Meredith gave in to a mother's embrace, and accepted it would be one of many from this woman that had become such an important part of her life.

"You're going to visit," Meredith said, "just like we spoke…soon, you'll come to Seattle."

"Yes, I will be there soon," she said and spoke to them both. "I'm so proud of you…both of you…I know it's not been an easy time for you…but, it's been a joy to see how much you love each other…and know that this is the beginning of …how can I say this," she smiled, "truly a love of legends…don't forget it…the Bridge of Sighs...it's legend of lovers…together for eternity."

"Mom," Derek said, "I love you."

"I love you Derek," Carolyn said as she stood between them, and spoke quietly, "she's the one sweetheart…I'm so glad you found her, so glad you've found each other. Meredith," she said embracing them both, "take care of each other."

"We will," Meredith said as tears welled with newly found emotions, "Mom."

"Oh…sweetheart," Carolyn smiled. "You can't make me cry, I'll never hear the end of it from those three in the car."

"Ignore them…" Meredith smiled, "they're as mushy and sentimental as we are."

"That they are," she agreed. "Now…have a safe trip home, you'll be in my prayers."

Derek hugged his mother one more time as did Meredith, and then they stood arms around each other as the car pulled away with their family.

"I love you Meredith," he said and kissed her softly as they reached the front door.

"I love you Derek," she said, as they walked through the front door of the villa and headed to their room, smiling in anticipation of their last, twenty four uninterrupted hours in Italy.

_16MAR A/N – Tried to update earlier but work is just very hectic right now. Thanks to all of you for your comments and continued interest in this story. I'm not quite sure what it means…but I'm ever so amazed that this story apparently reached 200,000 hits today. They are getting closer to going home…but I admit that after Thursday's epi…writing Derek as Mcdreamy was a bit of a challenge. They have one more day left in Italy._


	166. Chapter 166

**Ch 160 – Intimate pleasures**

"I love you Meredith," he said and kissed her softly as they reached the front door.

"I love you Derek," she said, as they walked through the front door of the villa and headed to their room, smiling in anticipation of their last, twenty four uninterrupted hours in Italy.

"Uhmmm…" he said as he stopped to kiss her before going upstairs, "Mrs. Shepherd, what do you want to do…these last hours of our honeymoon?"

"Do you even have to ask," she smiled as she nibbled his lips softly, then teasingly as the warmth of her hands caressed his back, and pulled his body closer to hers.

"I just wanted to make sure," he chuckled and whispered to her, "you know…since my wife's been a tease lately…and then just forgets…and leaves me…"

"She has," Meredith played right along with him, "well Dr. Shepherd, maybe you should give your wife a reminder of why she shouldn't forget," she said pressing against his body, "maybe it's because you're not doing a very good job…you know…you haven't let her know just how much you want her," she smiled, as there was no doubt about his desire for her.

"You think she has doubts," he teased right back, his hands on her waist then lower, cupping her butt and pulling her even closer.

"Probably not," she said, "but one can never be to sure," she whispered as she gently and playfully bit his neck.

"You know, Dr. Grey…" he held her close, but his face pulled back slightly so they were looking at each other.

"Dr. Shepherd," she warned, "tread lightly."

"Dr. Grey…do you think my wife would be jealous if she knew about this fantasy I've had about you…"

"I think…your wife would seriously harm you, if she even suspected you had…" she smiled, "fantasies about anyone but her."

"You mean she's the jealous type," he grinned.

"You better not forget it Derek Shepherd," she said the tone of her voice changing.

"Ah…" he chuckled, "bossy is back…" and she joined in his laughter.

"Derek…" she smiled seductively, "are you going to tell me your fantasy…about Dr. Grey?"

"Tell you…" he smiled, that cocky grin that made her stomach flutter in anticipation, "no…we're going to experience it…completely."

"Why are we wasting time?" she said, kissing him hard and then wrapped her arm around his waist as they walked the last steps to the stairs.

"Why indeed," he laughed, as they kissed and touched, and teased each other every step of the way to their room.

Their ardor was brought to a halt when they entered the bedroom and found a young woman, evidently from the hotel, changing the sheets.

"Mr. Shepherd, Mrs. Shepherd, pardon me, we just wanted to take care of housekeeping early and make sure you had everything you need. We were told you did not want to be disturbed the rest of your stay."

"Yes," Derek spoke. "I asked that we not be disturbed, so thank you, we appreciate you're taking care of this early."

"I will be done shortly Mr. Shepherd, and if there's anything you need please call us," the young Italian said smiling at Derek.

"Take your time. My husband and I will be downstairs till you've finished," Meredith said and pulled on his hand.

"Your husband only has eyes for one woman," Derek joked, as he enjoyed Meredith's territorial statement, "you know that."

"I know…" she giggled, "I just want everyone else to make no mistake about it."

"I love you Mer."

"I know."

"Uhmmm…cocky now too…"

"Derek, you better stop adding derogatory adjectives to that list of yours…"

"Derogatory…you call me cocky…"

"Your point," she teased him, as they reached the kitchen and found Angela.

"Dottore Derek…Meredith," she said, as she'd finally agreed to call them, "I have left two meals for you for today, and the staff from the hotel will be done very quickly, and you will not be interrupted the rest of your stay."

"We were surprised to see a young lady upstairs," Meredith said.

"Oh, yes, the hotel staff has been here every day, they have just made sure you were no on the property. But this morning, I wanted to supervise everything myself, and thought they'd have more time while you were with your family."

"Thank you Angela, for everything and especially last night at the last minute arranging dinner for all of us."

"It's been our pleasure. Once we knew you were responsible for Kelly's well being, we were very happy to follow through on John and Colleen's request."

"Angela," Derek commented, "you don't normally do this…do you?"

"What do you mean?"

"Be the housekeeper."

"Well, I do love to cook and I've done that for you, but no we don't. Antonio has been the Mulligan's financial advisor for years, as was his father who is semi-retired and I just make sure things runs smoothly at the villa, while my real job is managing a small culinary school."

"Oh my God," Meredith laughed, "no wonder he was so adamant about the gasoline and exchange rates."

"A culinary school," Derek smiled. "I wish we'd known. Meredith could have used some basic cooking tips."

"I gave her the best tip I've got," Angela smiled at her.

"You did?" Derek asked.

"Yes, to let you do the cooking, if you were better at it," and the three adults laughed and exchanged pleasantries until the rest of the previously invisible staff of three gathered in the kitchen and advised Signora Angela that all had been taken care of.

"I hope you will be back," Angela told them, "and you visit the Villa, and accept the Mullingan's hospitality. I shall look forward to seeing you again," she said and Meredith told her they'd see each other in the morning before they left for the airport.

The phone rang and Derek answered, surprising Meredith as he carried on a conversation where he apparently was pleased about changing some schedule.

"Who was that?" Meredith asked him.

"That," he said as he leaned in to kiss her, "was the surprise I told you about during breakfast yesterday."

"Derek…what have you done now? I don't want to do anything…just spent the rest of our time here…"

"It's something we'll do together," he smiled at her.

"And you had to change the schedule…are you getting kinky on me…and now we're on a sex schedule," she joked with him.

"Mer…get the mind out of the gutter…" he teased her.

"I thought that's what we were doing…sex…Derek…uninterrupted hours of sex…the rest of our honeymoon."

"We are…" he kissed her, "we definitely are…" he said as he deepened their kiss.

"Then," she pulled back after being thoroughly kissed by her husband, "what was that call about?"

"We have a date…at the beauty center in the hotel. Joint massages and then, the latest treatment the spa has to offer."

"Derek…we don't have to…this trip, already, you've done so much…I just want to be with you."

"I thought you'd enjoy it…but we can cancel it," he said, a bit disappointed in her reaction.

"Hey…" she said, and noticing the change in him cupped his face, "it means a lot to me…all you've done…but I just want you to know, all that matters to me is being with you…it doesn't matter where we are…just as long as we're together, and I don't want you to …"

"Make it up to you," he said as he looked away from her.

"There is nothing, Derek. Nothing that you have to make up for. We had a fresh start the day we said our wedding vows…you don't need to make up for anything. Derek, we started fresh, from that moment…remember…"

"I do."

"Ok, then."

"So, you want me to cancel," he stated.

"No…" she said, and caressed his face before brushing his lips. "We can enjoy a couple of hours of spa treatments."

"Mer…I only want to make you happy."

"You do…Derek...you do."

"But…I want to pamper you…and take care of you."

"You've been doing that too…and when we get back home, work's going to be brutal…and I'm going to let you pamper me and take care of me…and yes, even hover a bit…"

"You are?"

"Yes," she said, and kissed him. "Provided you let me do the same."

"Mer…that's not…"

"Derek…"

"Fine," he conceded.

"Fine…" she teased him, nipping his lip gently.

"Our fine…"

"Ok. When's our appointment?"

"At eleven."

"That give us at least ninety minutes…uninterrupted…"

"So it does…" he agreed as he gently massaged her back.

"Does that give you enough time to tell me about that fantasy…with Dr. Grey?"

"Plenty of time," he laughed as he reached for her hand and they took the kitchen stairs.

"Are you sure, Dr. Grey," he said, his voice filled with humor, while his hands already roamed her body, "you want to incur my wife's wrath?"

"Her wrath," Meredith laughed, as his mouth found hers.

"Yes," he said, smiling suggestively, "and her tiny ineffectual fists."

"Uhmm…" she whispered, taunting as her hands moved effectively to his waist, than lower, "I think you may want to rethink that…"

"Oh…" he said, as he took a deep breath and their eyes met, both darkened with the promise of impending passion.

"There's nothing…ineffectual," she smiled, "about her."

"You are right," he said, as he captured her mouth, "now…" he said breaking their kiss for much needed air, "let me tell you…all about that fantasy," and began to tell and show her.

"Oh my God, Derek," Meredith said as she whispered breathlessly, "that…we…"

"Yes…" he smiled indulgently as he lay back on the pillow, unable to utter another word.

"We've…we've never done that before…"

"Complaining…" he said as he cocked his head and smiled.

"Are you kidding…Derek…I don't think I've ever…"

"Ever what…" he said as his breathing now became less labored.

"Multiple orgasms…Derek…just took on a whole new meaning…"

"I aim to please…"

"Your aim," she giggled, "was perfect," she finished just as he reached for her and pulled her on top of him.

"I love you…"

"I…" she said, pausing for kisses between each word, "love…you…Dr. Shepherd."

"Me too…Dr. Grey," he said and they both burst out laughing.

"Happy anniversary Derek…" she said as she heard the chimes, and looked over to the antique clock confirming the time.

"Happy anniversary…love…three days…"

"Three beautiful…perfect…amazing days," she said as she kissed him and then they lay on their sides facing each other.

"We should get out of bed," he said, "or we're going to be late."

"Derek…I don't think I can manage to move…you've depleted all my energies."

"You mean that's it… no more sex," he teased her, "till we get home."

"Brainless, Derek…totally brainless," she laughed, that infectious delightful sound that never failed to make him smile.

"Get up Mer," he said as he ran his hands over the contour of her body, hips to thigh, back up again.

"You better stop that…"

"You don't like this," he said, as his hand moved to the silkiness of her stomach and further to cup her breast.

"Not if you want us to leave this bed," she said as her hand reached for him.

"You've made your point," he smiled, "we'll pick up right here…"

"I thought that may be your response," she said, but didn't release him.

"You're right," he said, "we can always cancel."

She laughed, "let's go Shepherd…we've got plenty of time later."

"Meredith," he asked softly, his thumb rubbing her cheek, "you okay?"

"I'm perfect," she said and leaned in to brush his lips with hers.

"You'd tell me…if we need to …if we shouldn't…"

"I'd tell you," she said, reassuring him with a kiss.

They spent two hours at the beauty center, a couples massage had been his selection and then they'd been served a light lunch before they returned to the villa.

"I'm exhausted," she told him, "that massage drained all the tension out of me."

"I thought I did that," he said raising his eyebrow, taunting her.

"All the tension in anticipation of the next chapter of our fantasy."

"Our fantasy…" he joked, "thought that was nine and Dr. Grey's…"

"It's ours now…" she laughed, "at least till that jealous wife of yours finds out."

"How about a nap?"

"I thought you'd never ask," she said, as they walked to their room holding hands.

The almost foreign ring of the house phone woke them and he reached to answer, while Meredith cuddled into him as he spoke.

"Who's calling us?"

"That was the saleslady from Lugano, they will be here shortly, but she wanted to ask if we wanted to have the down comforter and the towels shipped because it is quite a big box, their picking up the charges, so I said it would be fine."

"So they are only brining the sheets?"

"Yes, she mentioned they would not be very bulky at all, and I agreed that they ship the rest."

"How did I miss all that conversation?"

"You always fall asleep on me," he joked.

"I do not."

"Driving to work in the morning…on airplanes…after massages…"

"At least I don't fall asleep during sex…" she quipped.

"Mer…nobody falls asleep during sex…"

"Wanna bet," she laughed.

"Seriously…Mer…"

"You can never repeat this…"

"You fell asleep during sex…"

"Derek…have I ever fallen asleep during sex?"

"No…but…well…"

"Cristina did."

"What? How do you know that?"

"She told us, Izzie and I… she fell asleep while she and Burke were having sex…well I guess …technically… he was having sex at that point, since she was asleep…"

Derek was quiet until she said the last part and then roared with laughter.

"Mer…that is priceless…she fell asleep…poor Preston…"

"Poor Preston!!! Derek, he was an ass…"

"Must not have been very good I guess…if she fell asleep…"

"Oh no," Meredith answered without thinking, "she'd already…ah…never mind…"

"Guess, this is one of those confessional secrets…during spousal pillow talk," he teased her, and kissed her.

"Damn right it is…Derek, you can never let on. She'll kill me."

"My lips are sealed."

"Only for that…" she said, "never to me…" she said as she brought her mouth to his, and playfully slid her tongue in his, teasing, enticing him and then the game became more intense as they again began the ageless dance of mating of tongues that would ultimately lead them to experience new heights of fulfillment.

They lost track of time, and hours later while the sun shone brightly over the lake, he woke her with a kiss. "Hey sleeping beauty…"

"Uhmm…"

"I brought you a snack…" he said, kissing her again.

"A snack…" she said, "what time is it?"

"A bit past four."

"What did you bring?"

He smiled, "you mean the kiss was not enough?"

"Mushy Derek…very mushy…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You can be dessert…" she smiled, and raised herself to meet his lips.

"This is really good," she said, as they sat on the bed and ate, "no wonder we've been getting great meals, Angela has a culinary school. Maybe I'll come back and take some lessons from her."

"You're going take cooking lessons," he asked indulgently.

"I can learn."

"I'm sure you can," he smiled, and she saw the humor in his eyes.

"I could you know. I may not want to waste my time…but I could…and at some point, I'm going to need to make cupcakes and cookies or something for the kids to take to school."

"You can always buy them," he said, and put the now empty plates aside.

"That would be cheating."

"But, might be better than burning down our kitchen," he said and she reacted immediately.

"You jerk," she swatted his arm, "I'll teach you yet."

"I hope you do," he teased her, "I hope you do," he said and pulled her into him so that her legs wrapped around his waist.

"I love you," she said cupping his face in her hands.

"I love you too," he said and kissed her, and then lay back against the pillows and spent the remaining hours of the afternoon talking.

"You did not have a mother daughter talk with my mother," he laughed. Once he'd discovered the matching bra and panties she wore earlier had been a shower gift, she'd given him details of that evening.

"She'd already told Mark, I did not need it, and that was bad enough Derek, then, she told me that lust was one of the important aspects of a relationship," Meredith repeated the entire conversation with Carolyn verbatim, "hell, Derek I'd never been so embarrassed having her talk to me about us…and intimacy and that it was one of the pleasures life gives us to enjoy."

"My mother said all these things?"

"As she said, she did have five kids…"

"I wonder sometimes if she knew that sex led to children," he laughed.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"I know sex leads to children…and we're not having five chatty kids with perfect hair," she said and the sounds of their laughter filled the otherwise silent residence.

"So…they'd inherit chattiness from you I take it…"

"What?"

"Meredith, you're very chatty…"

"You ass," she giggled, as she bridged the distance between them and their bodies were pressed intimately to each other.

"Well… I have the perfect hair," he laughed.

"Not quite…it's going to cost a fortune to pay for hair products."

"So what other pearls of wisdom did you get at the shower?"

"Well...it was all lingerie as you know…"

"I haven't seen it all yet…"

"You will," her smile held a promise. "Cristina and Lexie were teasing about the waste of it all since I would spend the majority of our honeymoon naked, and I wanted to kill them because your mother was there."

"But it didn't seem to faze her."

"Quite the contrary, she told me to ignore them…but follow their advise.

"To be naked."

"Uhmm…"

"Let's pretend that wasn't my mother's advise."

"We can do that…it was your sister…Kathleen."

"Let's just pretend it was Cristina. No family ties there."

"Ah…so Lexie…"

"Is your sister…my sister in law…"

"But Cristina…is my person."

"Yes, and she will be our family…but…she will always be Cristina…hard core…biting. It's easier not to think of my mother or sisters…talking about our naked honeymoon."

"Derek…I hate to break it to you," she teased him, "but your sisters know about sex."

"I'm beginning to think they don't either," he laughed, "all doctors, and none of them know one bit about birth control."

"That's mean Derek…you wouldn't have all your nieces and nephews."

"Mer…I'm joking," he told her and closed the small nonexistent distance between them and kissed her, and they continued their heartwarming and light banter mingled with sometimes gentle, sometimes tender and always loving and passion filled moments, the memories of which would last a lifetime.

They'd given in to the fact they had to pack and had everything ready except what they'd need in the morning and the clothes they'd wear to travel back home. They also decided to have dinner in the dining room, just as they had the first night of their honeymoon, though this time they were alone.

"Very domestic," she said as she gathered the necessary plates and utensils on a tray while Derek heated their evening meal.

"Just think, when we get home," he said, "one of us we'll have to do the cooking."

"I'll cook breakfast," she quipped.

"You do that very well," he smiled, "especially cereal."

"And scrambled eggs," she said, "don't forget scrambled eggs."

"Let's have dinner," he said, and reached for her to kiss her before they went to the dining room.

"Derek, Angela is such a romantic," she said as they were finishing dinner, "the first night we were here she had music playing," she smiled.

"Do you want music?"

"I'd like to dance…like we did that night. It's so beautiful as you look out over the lake."

"I'll be right back," he said, and she went ahead and cleared the table except dessert.

She walked back to the dining room, and he was already there, and their eyes met as she heard the strains of music of a now much loved tune, and he smiled and gathered her in his arms.

"At last," he began and whispered in her ear as he followed the tune.

"A dream I could call my own," she said softly.

"Here we are in heaven," he smiled.

"For you are mine…at last…" they both echoed as the song came to an end.

"Take me to bed Derek," she smiled and he reached for her hand and they raced upstairs.

"Meredith…tonight…now…we…" he took a deep breath as her hand brushed his erection.

"Yes…"

"Slow…this time…slow…"

"Slow is fine…" she said and took off her jeans and began to unbutton her shirt, one of her favorites, soon to become his, a light colored indefinable hue of light blue or lavender, and as she reached the third button exposing what she wore beneath, she smiled, as his eyes locked with hers.

"What…are you wearing?"

"Do you like it?" she asked, her voice low…a bit hoarse, purposely and seductively.

"Yes," he said and quickly unbuttoned the rest and taking her shirt off, "this is new."

"Uhmmm…"

"You're beautiful…" he said, admiring the delicate lavender camisole and matching panties, "and the same color…the night…"

"You took me for the ride of my life…"

"I love you Meredith," he said, as his hands caressed her, the thin material between them, the small braided detail at the waist begging to be released.

"I love you," she said and quickly helped to take of his sweater, and began leave a trail of kisses from his neck to his navel and then he stopped her as her hands reached to unbutton his jeans and quickly got rid of them himself.

"Mer…I think we may have to wait for slow," he said with a groan as she stroked his erection.

"You wanted slow…"

"I was nuts," he said, and reached for her and embraced her before laying her softly on the bed, and in spite of the words spoken, he proceeded to make love to her, slow, excruciatingly slow she thought as his every caress made her crave him even more, but just as the first night, he took his time.

"Derek…" she moaned when his hands moved from her inner thighs to be replaced by his mouth, "what are you doing…" she asked when it seemed like an eternity had gone by.

"Kissing you...connecting dots…"

"What," she managed to gasp.

"Your freckles…" he laughed, and she felt a light bite.

"Derek…I don't want to wait anymore," she said, and he ignored her, and she conceded because as earlier that day, he played out his fantasy, and she cried out in pleasure.

"Now," she said, breathlessly, "it's my turn…"

"You think…"

"I know…" she said, and with a smile, the enjoyment of intimate pleasures began again, as two lovers, whose lives had been almost shattered and torn apart, and the sounds of mutual ecstasy echoed to the morning hours.

"Meredith…" Derek said at some point during the night, when they lay breathless, panting still, as a light sheen of sweat covered their bodies.

"Uhmm…"

"I love you."

"Uhmm…"

He chuckled.

"What…"

"No I love you back…"

"Can't talk" she said.

"Mer…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I think…" he paused, and then with a small groan, "think…the beast was tamed."

"You think…" she laughed, and turned into his embrace and her face rested on his chest.

"I think…the beast is old…" he said.

"My insatiable beast…"

"Think that fits you better…"

"You're calling me a beast…" she teased.

"It's a compliment."

"So it is…" she smiled, and looked up to find amusement in his eyes, and kissed him.

"Think we unleashed the beasts…completely…"

"Uh huh…" she said as her hand caressed his chest. "Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I bet…"

"You're smiling…" he said, and kissed the top of her head.

"Uh huh…"

"You bet…what?"

"The beast has not been tamed," she said.

"I bet," he said, "you're right," and he pulled her on top of him, and their eyes locked, in their reflection a promise of passion certain to reignite.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Let's get some sleep…" she said.

"Taming the beast exhausted you…"

"No, the beast tamed me," she said, and their joyous laugher filled the room.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek," she said and snuggled up to him. "Sleep…a couple of hours."

"Yes…" he agreed as they both gave in to pleasure filled exhaustion.


	167. Chapter 167

**Ch 161 – Passionate, poignant farewell**

"Taming the beast exhausted you…"

"No, the beast tamed me," she said, and their joyous laugher filled the room.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek," she said and snuggled up to him. "Sleep…a couple of hours."

"Yes…" he agreed as they both gave in to pleasure filled exhaustion.

Derek watched her. At home, he thought, they most often fell asleep as he spooned her. But lately, specifically after the miscarriage, she'd begun to fall asleep with her head on his chest, and sometime during the night they'd fall back into the habitual position.

Tonight had been no different, except now, he lay awake on his back, pondering and worrying about old insecurities, the past month of their lives, as well as their future and their imminent return to Seattle. Thirty days exactly, he brooded as guilt took hold of his thoughts, since the night the stupidity and insensitivity of his actions had almost resulted in irreparable and irrevocable damage, yet somehow she'd managed to forgive him, and then their world had come crashing in around them, as the glimpse of an unexpected dream was shattered.

"Derek," she mumbled, her voice groggy as she turned to her back, instinctively seeking the warmth of his body.

"Go back to sleep," he said as he gathered her in his arms, and kissed her naked back when she snuggled up to him, just as she'd done before she'd fallen asleep.

"What time's it…why are you awake?"

"Shush…just sleep, we don't have to be up for a while."

"Derek, what's wrong?" she asked, as something in the tone of his voice alerted her to the change in his mood since they'd succumbed to sleep earlier.

"Nothing, get some rest, we have a long day tomorrow," he said as he kissed her shoulder, while at the same time gently rubbing her back.

"Hey…" she said lifting her head and meeting his gaze. "We promised…we talk."

"I love you," he said and kissed her softly, "get some rest. We don't have to be up for a few hours."

"Derek, you are not going to ruin my honeymoon by becoming dark and twisty."

"Your honeymoon," he was able to tease her, "I remember being an active participant…very vividly."

"You know what I mean," she smiled at him softly, and turned to lie on her stomach, their faces were merely inches away as he now lay on his side. "Derek…what happened…after we fell asleep?"

"Nothing, really," he told her, one arm gently and protectively over her back, while his other hand rested on the back of her head, bringing his lips to hers.

"You're frowning," she said after they broke their kiss, "why," she asked, and before he could answer, "you're not getting away with brooding and beating yourself up over some imaginary …"

"Imaginary worrying," he attempted to joke, but failed.

"You're worried," she said, and he saw the cloudy mist over her eyes ever so briefly, "you…you're worried about us…you don't think we're going to make it?"

"Hey," he said, "who's being dark and twisty and jumping to conclusions now?"

"Derek Shepherd, we are not going to end the last night of our trip…our honeymoon, with this conversation."

"You're a very bossy wife," he joked with her.

"Yes, I am, and you already knew that. Start talking," she said as she turned to look at the time, "because, with that comment, I'm pretty sure you've used one of your two daily limits of jumping to conclusions …"

"You're going to hold me to that," he laughed, "are you?" and leaned over her and holding her face in his hands, kissed her until they both forgot everything but the pleasure and intimacy of their caresses.

"Derek, what are you worried about?" she asked him, as they lay facing each other, hands entwined.

"Mer, it's nothing, I told you."

"So, your nothing is going to become my fine, is it?"

He had to smile, "you're not going to let it be are you?"

"No, we promised, we'd talk."

"I was watching you sleep, and thinking of all that's happened this last month…and our future."

"And you're worried, that we won't make it?"

"No. Meredith, I'm not worried about that. Just a bit sad…"

"You're sad…about us," she said and looked away, "I thought…"

"Hey," he said and reached over and cupped her face in his hand and kissed her, "you're the one jumping to conclusions now…if you must know, I was feeling a bit of guilt over some things…how my behavior almost ended …"

"We've talked about this, Derek…remember…we agreed, at our wedding…our wedding vows…we'd put it behind us…please…"

"Yes, we did."

"So, no more brooding, even though that look is kind of sexy," she teased him.

"You're making that up," he said, and smiled at the feel of her lips on his, "and mocking me."

"Maybe…just a little," she teased him, nibbling his lips, "except…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek…in our garden, no roses, ever."

"None," he said, "we've had enough thorns to last a lifetime," and with that they both acknowledged and understood his guilt had been about the night he'd asked that woman out after breaking up with Meredith.

"Now," Meredith said, as her hand caressed his face, moving to the curls at the back of his neck. "I'm wondering…Dr. Shepherd…if you still have fantasies about that intern…what was her name…"

"I'm not sure," he chuckled, "if I should be telling my wife about her…it's my secret fantasy after all…Dr. Grey…she…"

"Yes…" Meredith said as she quickly moved to lie on top of him and ran her hands through his hair before kissing him again.

"My wife…fulfills my every fantasy…" he said and deepened their kiss.

"Derek," she giggled.

"You giggle… I kiss you and you giggle."

"I was just wondering…" she said nibbling at his lips again, and biting his neck playfully.

"Uhmmm…"

"This Dr. Grey…on a scale of 1 to 10 how good was she…"

"Off the charts…completely," he responded, and they both erupted in laughter.

"You damn well better not forget it," Meredith said as she kissed him, and pressed her body to him, suggestively, fully intending to entice.

"Never," he laughed, and his tongue teased hers as he easily pulled her body under his, and again the rituals of lovers eager to pleasure the other began.

"Remind me," she said breathlessly, "to thank Dr. Grey…"

"Really," he chuckled, equally out of breath, as they later lay sated and satisfied, their hands entwined, "for what exactly?"

"Today…whatever…" she giggled, "those fantasies were about…"

"Yes…" he teased, "Mrs. Shepherd."

"Multiple orgasms…today…never enjoyed them quite like that before…"

"It's not like you haven't," he protested a bit.

"You…have always…managed to do that," she said, and her kisses quickly assured him that had never been a problem, "but Derek…today…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Talk about off the charts," she said, and again her lips found his and later the rest of his body, as they took turns in bringing the other to fulfillment into the post midnight hours.

The dawn of a new day and the sunrise's glare upon the ancient tranquil lake began to make their presence felt, as playful rays disturbed the peaceful sleep of the two naked bodies entwined.

"Derek," Meredith covered her face and protested, as the dancing rays of sun caressed her face, "close the drapes."

"Uhmmm…" he mumbled sleepily and brought her body even closer to his.

"Sun's on my face…" she said.

"Which means," he said, "we have to get up."

"I don't want to get up…it's warm and cozy…and I want to stay like this, in your arms."

He snuggled her closer, kissing her back and shoulder. "Mer…we're going home, need to get ready."

"Bet we can sleep more…or take another flight…" she said, ignoring his comment, just as an alarm blared its offending sound.

"Oh no…don't want to leave…tired…so tired…"

"A quickie…" he whispered, teasing her, "bet would make you feel better."

"Yes," she laughed softly, "quickie definitely makes me feel better."

"I love you Meredith," he said, as they later lay in each other's arms, both smiling.

"I love you Derek."

"Mer…we really have to get going. We need to leave here by seven forty five."

"What time is it?"

"It's about six forty five…"

"Derek," she laughed, and kissed him, "that was a hell more than a quickie."

"So it was," he said and their laughter filled the room, as it had so often during the four nights of their honeymoon.

"I'm going to miss this," she said, and turned to face him.

"What," he joked, "no more sex when we get home."

"That would be cause for a divorce Derek," she teased him.

"That's not ever going to happen," he said a bit serious.

"Hey, I was kidding…you're stuck with me, for a lifetime."

"Meredith…you, in my life," he said, his voice deep and low with emotion, "you're my priceless treasure."

"As are you… my soul mate…my one and only love."

"We won't ever give up…even when we argue…"

"Especially when we argue…" she told him, and cupped his face in her hands and kissed him softly at first, then deepened their kiss.

"I love you, Meredith…truly adore you."

"As I do…"

"We really have to get going," he said.

"I know…" she smiled, though he saw the tears gathering.

"No tears."

"They're happy tears…every one of them," she said, just as he leaned over and kissed the tears on her cheeks.

"I don't want you to cry on our last morning here."

"Derek…" she said, running her fingers through his hair, "this…this morning, how we woke up…these feelings we have…that's how I want to wake up for the rest of our lives."

"I'm not sure," he teased her, "how well your old beast will handle quickies in forty years."

"It just might need a bit more time than a quickie," she said, and they both laughed.

"I'll do my best though," he said, "while the beast is young."

"Derek," she said, "it's this…the love we feel right now…that's what I want."

"We'll have that…I can promise you that," he said, and kissed her, "for the rest of our lives."

"Even when we fight…Derek…"

"What is this…about fighting," he joked.

"You know," she said, "we're going to fight."

"Especially with my bossy wife."

"And my brooding husband."

"Your point, Meredith," he teased her, as he held her close to him, and kissed the top of her head, smiling.

"You're smiling, you jerk."

"Ah…she loves me," he smiled.

"She does," she said turning to him, "hopelessly in love with you."

"So…I don't want to say I told you so," he teased.

"But you will…" she teased right back, "and you were right."

"Our first night…I was right."

"You were," she smiled. "If I knew you, I'd love you."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…"

"Thanks for taking advantage of me…"

"Oh, you ass," she said, and their laughter once again filled the room, where two lovers, undoubtedly fated to be together had consummated and sealed a love of legends.

"Meredith…"

"Yes…" she smiled as they lay with their hands entwined.

"I'm glad the beasts couldn't be tamed."

"Never…ever," she smiled, "I told you…only…unleashed."

"I love you," he smiled.

"I love you," she said, and they shared one last kiss. A kiss filled with promises of passion waiting to be fulfilled.

"I'll bring you breakfast," she said as she sat next to him on the bed, "we have a little time…my last attempt at the wifely duties."

"Uhmmm…that works…so you can practice," he smirked, "cooking…cereal…"

"It's the thought that counts," she smiled, and before she got up, he'd embraced and kissed her.

"It is …"

"Are you sure…we can't take a later flight," she smiled, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"Yes…because that would mean getting in three hours later, and you have an early shift tomorrow, and we should take into account any possible delays."

"Do you have to be so reasonable?"

"Forget breakfast," he said, "we can eat later…"

"Seven forty five…you said…"

"Uhmmm…yes, it will take an hour to the airport…even if they are meeting us to return the car," he said and kissed her again.

"Well…you could forget shaving…and we could save some time…shower together"

"Mer…you do have a lot of faith in this old beast," he joked, "and when have we ever saved time showering together?"

"There's always a first time," she said, and they laughed, "I'm game."

"I think" he said, "as much as I want to give in to your enchanting wiles…"

"Enchanting wiles…" she laughed.

"Yes…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith, we do need to get out of here…"

"I know," she said, and his arms wrapped around her waist, and his chin rested on the crook of her neck.

"We'll be back…next year…and we'll make up…"

"You don't have to make up for anything…" she said, a dreamy look on her face.

"I do…for not having time for that shower."

"We'll really be back…"

"First Venice…and then we'll spend some time here."

"Next year, truly…our 48 uninterrupted hours."

"Yes."

"I love you Derek," she said, and kissed him softly.

"I love you, Meredith," he said, "I'll use the other bathroom to get ready.

Their suitcases had been left downstairs the night before, and to their surprise Antonio had already placed them in the trunk of the car, leaving only their carry on bags, which Derek put away while Meredith finished getting ready.

"Mer, are you ready? It's seven twenty."

"Yes," she said, and smiled when he handed her a cup of coffee, and walked over to the balcony doors.

"Antonio and Angela were here early and cooked breakfast for us."

"Do we have time," she asked, as he led her outside to the balcony.

"Yes. I asked her to confirm our flight and she realized she knew the airport manager, so she called this morning and arranged for us to get VIP treatment, and can get there by 9:30, so we have at least an extra thirty minutes."

"That's too bad…"

"Is it," he asked, as he sat down and pulled her down on his lap.

"We could have had that shower…"

"Mer… I'll make it up to you…"

"Next year?"

"No…as soon as we get home," he laughed, and delighted in hearing her giggle.

"Promise…"

"Undoubtedly…"

"I love you Derek."

"I love you…Dr. Grey."

"Derek," she said and put her arms around his neck and kissed him. "Thank you for an unforgettable trip…and our wedding."

"I only wish it could have been more..."

"It was perfect…from beginning to end…"

"It's not over…Meredith…this, our life together, it's just beginning."

"Once upon a time," she said, and their gazes met, their reflections exact as their love shone through unshed tears, "a sad and lonely girl in a bar…met a sad and lonely toad…"

"A toad…" he laughed, "still a toad…"

"Let me finish…"

"A toad," he repeated, in mock offense.

"And even before she…kissed him…and took advantage of him…"

"You are finally admitting you took advantage…" he teased.

"We're going to need a later flight if you don't let me finish," she said and he brushed her lips, as she smiled.

"Go on…"

"He told her the first time he saw her, he knew she would change his life…and then…one day…she knew he was the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with, but there was this wicked witch that kept them apart, and even though they had to spend many months apart…and many sad things happened, the toad…had become her prince, and he took her on a trip to a land where legends come true…and even though she'd always been taught that fairy tales did not exist, he made her believe…and he made her dreams come true…"

"Meredith…" he whispered, barely swallowing past the lump in his throat.

"And…one day…one day," she said, and did not hide her tears, "the girl, was able to tell her prince…that a beautiful angel named Brianna, had been right…just as she placed a tiny baby prince in his arms, and knew…that together…they were extraordinary."

"Meredith…"

"That's…that's my dream…" she whispered, and closed her eyes, and rested her head on his shoulders, and felt his lips kiss the tears away.

"I'll spend the rest of our lives," he said reverently, as they held each other, "making your dreams come true."

"I know you will," she said, "we'll work on those dreams together."

Meredith and Derek spent some time on the balcony, tender kisses and whispered words of endearment augmenting the intimacy and poignancy of their last moments in this enchanting place that had witnessed the beginning of their life together as husband and wife.

_Far away where time and space ceased to exist, where not so long before, three newly found souls sharing a common bond had felt at peace, now again rejoiced. The two people that had brought them together for eternity had accepted their fate._

"_Grandma…my mommy knows I'm an angel…" a golden blonde girl smiled excitedly._

"_And she's right, you're her beautiful angel, and mine…"_

"_I'm your angel," she asked full of anticipation._

"_Oh yes…the angel that saved me…and brought joy to my heart…just as your mommy did…and I never could tell her."_

"_Grandma, my mommy knows you love her…I told her…"_

"_Yes, you did…"_

"_Grandpa…" she turned to the man that smiled sadly, "Mommy said…my baby brother was going to be a prince…"_

"_Yes…sweetheart…he will be, just as you were their princess too…just as you are our princess…" he said and Brianna's giggles echoed through the halls of eternity. _

"_I love you Grandpa…Grandma," and then, "love you lots," she whispered to the winds, "Mommy and Daddy." _

Meredith and Derek held on to each other, and suddenly their eyes met, and sad smiles graced their faces, "did…Derek…did you…hear…"

"Yes…" he whispered, upon her lips, "our princess…loves us…lots and lots."

God smiled down on the three joyous souls. Sometimes, His ways were not always visible or comprehensible. Yet, He knew this was not one of those times, as He looked down upon two lovers always destined to be together, that had accepted so much on faith, and now whispered words from afar reached them and comforted them, and most of all, they understood those glimpses of dreams He had given had already began to unfold.

Meredith and Derek joined the older couple at the outside terrace overlooking Lake Como, and insisted they sit down to breakfast with them, pleased to be able to express their heartfelt appreciation for all they'd done to make their trip special. The crisp sunny morning of one of the last days of March, and the deep gold, orange and yellow flowers that graced the wall separating them from the lake and its surrounding mountains, set the perfect scene for their Italian farewell.


	168. Chapter 168

_Thank you all for continuing to read, and even more, for leaving comments. The title was inspired to make light of my propensity to extend these chapters, much longer than ever expected...but, you'll also see how it fits at the end._

_They've been in Italy since September, while only nine days in the story._

**Ch 162 – Long journey home**

Final farewells were exchanged and unexpectedly, Meredith found herself in Angela's embrace while the couple wished them safe travels and again expressed their hope they would see them the following year.

Derek opened the passenger door, but before getting in the car she put her arms around his neck and held him close, "thank you," she whispered, "for the most romantic proposal and wonderful wedding…" and then softly pulling away looked into his eyes, "and honeymoon."

"You deserved so much more."

"What more than our own piece of heaven," she said tenderly, repeating the words he'd used the morning after their wedding night.

"My mushy and sentimental bride."

"Yes…" she said as she leaned up slightly to brush his lips with hers.

"I love you Meredith Grey," he said, the reflection of deep emotion in his eyes.

"I love you," her lips turned into a smile. "My soul mate," she continued, kissing him softly, "my knight in shining armor," she paused, each kiss now a bit longer as she added titles, "my prince charming…"

"Your toad…" he teased, and kissed her lips, but she did not kiss him back, pulling away to look at him.

"What…did I say now?" he joked. "You're not kissing me back…or is…"

"Don't get into more trouble Shepherd," she glared at him.

"Uhmmm… honeymoon's over?"

"Do not," she warned with one look, "mess with my fairy tale."

"You said," he smiled, "I was a toad and a horse's…"

She ignored him, and silenced him with a kiss before she spoke again. "The love of my life," her hand caressed his recently shaved cheek, "my husband…" and then felt herself lifted off the ground as his mouth captured hers.

"I adore you Meredith," he said after his lips left hers, and he held her close to him, "thank you…for forgiving me, for not giving up on us, for wanting to be my wife…for a lifetime."

"Derek," she smiled, through the misty sheen of tears, "loving you…how could I not…and our kiss…our kiss under the Bridge of Sighs…how could I possibly give up on a love guaranteed for eternity…our legend…for always."

"Forty years…" he smiled. Their smile, she thought as she looked up at him.

"At least…" she smiled, as she placed her arms around his neck again, "Derek…I'm holding you to your first non proposal," she teased.

"I can see," he teased back, "how I'm going to need to be constantly on guard to edit our story."

"Our once upon a time," she smiled, kissing him softly.

"Our once upon a time…" he kissed her back. "We'll add more to it next year."

"I plan on adding more to it…" she said, "every day of our lives."

"Definitely," he chuckled, "my wife turned totally mushy and sentimental…"

"Yes…" she raised an eyebrow as their gazes remained on each other.

"Sexy," he smiled, "enticing, beautiful…"

"That's more like it," she laughed, and he joined her carefree happiness, as he embraced her one last time before helping her into the passenger seat, and both waved goodbye to the couple smiling from the nearby steps of the place they'd experienced a bit of heaven on earth as they embarked on a journey of legends, and yet another piece was woven into the symbolical tapestry of lovers fated to be together beyond their lifetime.

The ride to the airport they were told would take less about forty five minutes, and Derek had jotted down a few comments on the directions.

"Mer, keep an eye for A9," he said a couple of minutes after they pulled away from the Villa, "once we're on that for about 30 kilometers the airport signage will be prominent."

"Ok," she said a bit distracted, before she laughed.

"What…" he said glancing her way, and saw she had her phone in hand.

"Oh God, Derek, he is incorrigible," she laughed again, "and I'm going to kill him."

"Mark," he said without any doubt that's who she meant. "He has your email?" he asked, attempting to be nonchalant about it, and she was amused by his reaction.

"You're jealous of Mark?"

"Not a good track record," he said, "with wives."

"Ass," she said, and looked away to keep him from seeing her smile, glad that they could joke about this, secure in their relationship.

"We've already explored the animal menagerie," he joked.

"Do you trust me?" she turned to him, just a bit more serious.

"I do. Completely," he answered without hesitation.

"Derek," she joked with him, glad of the way they could move on from serious to light. "I'm not sure a horse and jackass are considered wild animals."

"You may be right," he laughed, "or otters."

"But, panthers," she teased, "uhmm…that's another matter."

"It certainly is," he said, "the untamed beast you've…"

"Unleashed," she smiled, and reached for his hand, "but never tamed."

"Never," he agreed, as he brought her hand to his lips.

"I loved the roars," she said, as her lips lingered over the back of his hand.

"More roars," he smiled, "more roars I say…out in the woods where no one can hear us."

"Definitely in the woods," she laughed, and leaned over to kiss him, when they came to a quick stop before turning into the highway.

"So, what are you going to kill him about and why are you looking at emails?"

"Because, I was going to email your Mom before we left."

"I'm surprised they haven't bothered us, none of them the last few days."

"Derek, we saw your Mom yesterday," she teased, "and our phones have been off since then."

"True," he admitted and gently caressed her hand with the pad of his thumb.

"Listen to this," she said, "Shepherds," and then paused, "Derek, he's such an idiot calling us that. Drinks with Lex and Yang last night at Joe's and we think you should keep your wedding secret a few days, helps us increase the betting pool. Oh and I might have hinted, not quietly, that I'd heard from Shep and there had been some rather …loud confrontations between you."

"He said what?"

"Wait, he goes on, copying L/Y here, they agree, the roaring reference was hilarious. Sorry, too good to pass up on, especially after being kept up all night. See you guys Monday."

"He will never grow up," Derek shook his head.

"What I want to know," she said putting the blackberry aside, "is why he's having drinks with my sister."

"You don't care about our confrontation being discussed?"

"Confrontations Derek…more than one," she laughed, "of course I care, but, it will be obvious it's not true."

"Are you going to email Mom?"

"Diversion…" she giggled. "But wait, next message is from Lexie, thirty minutes after his."

"_Mer, I am not agreeing with these two, and neither is Tracy. Mark went straight to the hospital, but she was delayed with a patient, so we saw him here and he made the comment about Derek, and of course…Cristina went along, and that resulted in a bet that when you two come back this week you'll have already broken up. OMG, I'm not betting, I'm sure you know that… but I cannot wait to see people's faces when they know you're married…ok so you probably won't read this till you get back, but wanted to give you heads up before you get to the hospital on Monday. Have a safe trip home, can't wait to see you and hear about the rest of the trip."_

"Tell me, I don't ramble like she does."

"If you keep reading emails, we're going to get to the airport before you contact Mom."

She laughed, "I do not go on like she does…well, not on email."

"Uhmmm…"

"Is that a yes…I agree with you Meredith," she taunted.

"Yes," he said trying not to laugh.

"Yes," she insisted in a teasing manner, "you agree I don't ramble on emails…"

He laughed, as he was certain she would see the humor, "we don't email enough for you to ramble…but, text, that's another story."

She smiled and continued, "I'm not even going to get into the two emails from your sisters."

"Ignore them," he joked, "just like you did my last comment."

"Derek, this one is priceless," she laughed, "Cristina replied all to Lexie's message."

"_Mer, you owe me. Sat next to 3, almost 17 hours in a metal tube. You can make it up by keeping quiet about your wedding for a few days. Hide the ring."_

"Do you want to hide the ring?"

"What…" she raised he voice, "of course not. Why would? I… wait…do you, are you changing your mind?"

"Oh…no, this is not going to be the first of the jumping to conclusions quota before going home."

"I'm not jumping to conclusions…just asking a question."

"Same thing. You know it's not what I meant."

"What did you mean?"

He reached for her hand again, "just asking…if you want to go along with them."

"Of course not," she responded quickly. "I told you, I don't want anyone having any doubts…that you are completely mine."

"Uhmmm…you mean…"

"Stop while you're ahead Derek," she smiled, and leaning as far as she could with the seatbelt on, kissed his cheek.

"Why don't you call Kat, instead of emailing Mom, I bet they're already up having breakfast."

"It's Sunday morning Derek, and they don't have any kids or responsibilities, they may want to sleep late, or not be interrupted," she added, knowing he was truly being a prude about his sister's sex life.

"You did that on purpose," he told her as he glanced over and saw her smile.

"What?"

"Email Mom," he laughed.

"Already did."

"We should be at the airport in about twenty five minutes," he told her. "Mer, what do you think about getting a car like this at home?"

"Whatever for?"

"It's nice, a fun car…your jeep is old. You could use a new car."

"Fun for you maybe, and when would we have time to enjoy a convertible with so much rain…and I don't need a new car."

"The rain thing is a myth, we're not even in the top 10 rainy cities in the country."

"A myth…" she laughed, "really, where have you been the last year?"

"It does rain, but we get more cloudy days than anything else, and think about it…"

"Derek…if you want a new toy…an impractical toy…you can get it, but I'm fine with my jeep."

"It's not a toy," he pouted. "It's not."

"Yes, dear," she replied, "you're right. But, have you considered what the wind will do to your hair?You'd have to leave the house an extra fifteen minutes so you have time to fix it when you get to work."

"Meredith…"?

"Yes, dear…"

"You're mocking me…don't push your luck," he said, and their laughter traveled through the wind.

"Derek," she said, smiling indulgently, "you can get any car you want, and you know I'm teasing you," she said, as her hand rested on the back of his neck and played with the loose curls.

"I know," he smiled.

"It's your Mom," she said looking at the incoming message. "I asked for the number at the hotel, but I need your phone to call her, mine's not set up for calls here."

"Mer, you don't need to explain, just use my phone, it's already in your purse."

"It's not like I'm going to do that all the time…you know, I do respect your privacy…. and…well, I know I called Kat that one time…but…"

"Meredith, call Mom before we get to the airport."

She dialed and after asking for the room number passed the phone to him, "here, you speak with her first," she said, and he heard the slightly nervous hesitation in her voice.

"Why…she'd love," he did not get to finish the sentence. "Hi Mom."

"Hello dear, I was not expecting you to call me, are you ready to fly home?"

He told her they were, and that Meredith had wanted to contact her before they left, and after a few minutes and saying goodbye to his mother, "I love you too Mom," gave the phone to his wife.

"Good morning sweetheart, I'm so glad you called and I could wish Blessings on your journey home."

"We're on our way to the airport and I was going to email you, but then thought it would be nicer if we had a chance to speak," Meredith rambled, in spite of their obvious bonding, unsure of how to relate to her mother in law.

"I'm delighted you did. I've been up for quite a while, and ordered room service, a luxury you know, because I didn't want to intrude on Kat & Kevin's morning."

"That's exactly what I said to Derek, but Ailene…Carolyn, he really has an issue with thinking…" she said, but he interrupted, talking over her.

"Mom, stop talking about me being a prude," and all three of them laughed.

"He thinks," Meredith started to tease him, "if he doesn't hear about it, it just doesn't happen."

"Does he remember he has fourteen nieces and nephews," Carolyn joked with her.

"Almost fifteen," Meredith replied, and immediately felt his hand reach for hers, and squeeze gently, and did not let go while she continued speaking easily with his mother as her initial reservations disappeared.

"Meredith, I saw the emails from the girls this morning, it's amusing they are including me since I have the blackberry. I'm going to respond and tell them to leave you two alone."

Meredith laughed, "you do that, and I'll respond to your message."

"All right sweetheart, but don't take them too seriously, because, Jenna and even Nancy can be email addicts. You just let me know when you get home, and the two of you take care of each other and settle into married life, but don't forget to tell me about all the bets, and I'm going to tell that boy to behave as well."

"I won't," Meredith said referring to her sisters in law, "but you do have to stay in touch while you're traveling, so we know you're ok, and make sure…not to carry valuables…"

"Meredith, you're getting worse than my girls."

"I'm sorry…"

"Sweetheart, it's a good thing…a very good thing, it's what family's about."

"I don't do very well…with that."

"You do amazingly well with that…"

"You…you think…"

"I know so. Stop doubting yourself."

"I'll…I'm trying."

"You're succeeding. Now, my son is probably frowning, and wondering what we are talking about."

"Yes…yes…you are right," she said, as she saw Derek's expression.

"Meredith, you also need to keep me posted about Mark and Lexie, and I know he's dating someone, but…I don't know…"

"I think we do," Meredith laughed, "but they don't, and I think…if that's what they're doing," she decided to tease Derek a bit in the way she chose her words, "you'll probably know before we do…since you're spending the next couple days with them."

Her mother in law laughed, "you're trying to make him think we're talking about Kat and Kevin."

"What are you talking about," Derek interrupted her, as he released her hand to grip the steering wheel as they entered into the faster moving traffic.

"Sex, your mother's decided to give me some mother daughter advice."

"You're…" he stuttered, "she's what?"

"Relax Shepherd," she giggled, "we're talking about Mark and Lexie."

"You're going to pay for that," he looked quickly over to her.

"Promise?"

"Mer, you're talking with my Mom."

"Oh," she said, momentarily mesmerized by his look, "Carolyn…sorry…that was…"

"I know Meredith…I remember," her mother in law said, and they spoke for a few more minutes before they ended the call.

"Enjoy the train ride to Rome and tell Kat & Kevin we're looking forward to seeing all of you in Seattle. Yes, I will. We…we love you too," she said softly, and her words warmed his heart and he sent a silent prayer of thanks for the bond that was developing between the woman he loved, his soul mate, and his family.

Within a short period of time they arrived at Malpensa Airport and were met by the representative from the car rental company, as well as Angela's cousin who provided a smooth and unequivocally VIP check in process, that included escorting them through security to the airline's business class lounge, and because they were special guests of the Mullligan's, made arrangements for them to leave their bags in a locked area rather than in the usual open storage, leaving them with more than hour before their flight departed at ten forty five.

"Let's go for a walk," Derek said after leaving their carry on bags in the designated area, and thanking their escort, "we're going to be sitting for a long while."

They walked hand in hand through the airport terminal, "we're married," she said suddenly, wonder reflected in her tone, as her hand squeezed his, and she ran her thumb over his wedding ring.

"Almost…four full days," he smiled and their steps slowed to a halt, as their eyes met and uncaring of the hundreds of spectators moving quickly through the corridors he pulled her into his embrace, and heard her intake of breath and soft sigh.

"I love you," she whispered.

"I love you too," he said, and kissed the top of her head, and continued their stroll in silence, content and fulfilled with each other's mere presence.

"Derek when does our flight get in to Seattle?" Meredith asked, joining him after a stop to the ladies room.

"Seven in the evening."

"We'll clear customs in Atlanta right, so we just have to get our bags at home?"

"Yes…why?"

"I was just thinking it would be nice to have tonight alone, maybe at the trailer, but it's not very practical since we don't have anything to eat there, and we'd probably need to clean up after a week away…"

"I think," he smiled, "your friends may have taken the choice out of our hands."

"What do you mean?"

"Look at the message they just sent," he told her, and handed her his blackberry.

"It's from Izzie," she commented.

"Uh huh…" he said, as he looked over her shoulder and read the message again.

"_Mer, Sloan and Cristina are CRAZY, you can't keep your wedding a secret. Though we all did agree not to say anything till you get back. You have to tell everyone in front of some of the gossips, you know like Debbie. Anyway, didn't want to bother you earlier in the week but hope you see this message. Lexie and I went over to the trailer, we asked the chief to let us in, and got it ready for you in case you want to go straight there, George also got some groceries for you, just enough for when you get home. But, what I'm really hoping is that you'll want to come by the house and have dinner with us, and we can have a small celebration. We know you'll be tired after the long flight, but really can't wait to see you. We also got your room ready, and did you laundry."_

"I think you're right," she said, "we're going to have to spend tonight at my house. I'll email her and your sisters before we leave."

"We can spend tomorrow at the trailer," he agreed. "Besides Mer, but the time we get home tonight, we'll probably be dead, so tomorrow," he said and raised an eyebrow, "we'll really want to be alone…"

"In the woods," she smiled.

"In the woods," he said and they both smiled in perfect understanding.

"More roaring…" she laughed, and entwined their fingers.

"Is there anything you want to get," he asked, "there's the duty free shop or anywhere you want."

"I don't need anything Derek."

"Uhmmm…how about those sunglasses?"

"Ridiculously expensive designer sunglasses…for our cloudy Seattle days?"

"Humor me, try them on."

"That means, Meredith buy them."

"Come on…I like getting you things."

"I'll try them," she said reluctantly.

"Get them," he said, as she looked at him. "I like how they look on you."

"Of course you do," she joked, "but they are unnecessarily expensive, and I'll probably lose them."

"I like the way they look on you, it's not about the cost, and if you lose them, you can replace them."

"Fine, but you try these on," she said, referring to a new display of Serengeti sunglasses.

"You're bribing me…" he laughed, "with couples' sunglasses shopping."

"Uhmm…" she said after he tried on a few different models. "Get these."

"We'll take both ," Derek said providing his credit card.

"Derek," she stood close to him and whispered, "you look much sexier than Patrick Dempsey."

He gave her a confused look, "what are you talking about?"

She laughed, "the actor in that display with the sunglasses…you're much sexier…McDreamy…and all."

"Huh…"

"What…" she teased him.

"Now I have to be jealous of you drooling over an actor…"

"Only when he races, he looks hot in his gear."

"Oh that actor," he said, presumably having recognized the celebrity, "maybe I should take up racing…"

"Over my dead body. I bet his wife sits and worries every time he races, so don't even think about…I'm not going to sit at home and worry about you…"

"You'd worry about me," he taunted her, "traveling at speeds close to 200 miles."

"Don't be an ass," she whispered to him. "The closest you're getting to a sports car was the Jaguar you just drove all week."

"Yes, honey."

"Don't mock me."

"I love you Meredith," he said, his smile keeping him from hiding his amusement, as he put his arm around her waist and waited to sign the charge slip.

They went back to the lounge and waited to board their flight, while Meredith responded to Izzie and his sisters, and then both turned off their phones for the long journey home.

Their seats were on the second row and Meredith took the aisle seat, while Derek accommodated their bags, and the flight attendant approached her after he sat down.

"Excuse me," the woman said to Meredith, and looked at her boarding list, and then glanced at Derek and smiled, "may I see your boarding pass please?"

"Yes, of course," Meredith said and handed it to her.

"I'm sorry, Ms. Grey, but, you've taken the wrong seat. Yours is the window seat. Mr. Shepherd," she smiled and looked at Derek, "I apologize for the inconvenience."

Derek simply waited for the reaction.

"It's Mrs. Shepherd," Meredith said, "and my husband," she paused for emphasis, "wanted the window seat during takeoff."

"I apologize, Mrs. Shepherd, I was going strictly by the flight manifest."

"We just got married in Venice," Derek smiled, "the passport still has my wife's," he chose to say that, knowing it would make Meredith happy, "maiden name."

"What would you like to drink before our take off?"

"We'll both have champagne, thank you," Derek said.

"What is it with women wanting to flirt with you?" Meredith muttered.

"She wasn't flirting."

"Right, you didn't watch her smile and bat her eyes at you?"

"She did not," he soothed, and leaned over and kissed her, "and if she did, I didn't notice, because I only have eyes for you."

"Good save," she smiled, and pressed her lips against his, right before they were brought their drinks.

"I love my bossy…protective…jealous wife."

"I love you Derek," she said, and they brought their glasses together.

"To the first day of our life together in Seattle…and the rest of our lives," he said, and they exchanged small talk as the rest of the passengers continued to board the flight.

"Derek," she said wistfully as she saw a smiling couple pushing a stroller to the side of the main door, twin pink bundles sleeping peacefully, and then each held a baby in their arms, and the flight attendant folded the stroller to be checked and brought back to them upon arrival. "Do you really think we'll have that?"

"Without a doubt," he whispered in her ear, as he held her hands in his.

"Sometimes…I think…what if I can't…some women can't, and I've already…"

"Hey," he said softly, "you can…and we will."

"And we'll travel…with our kids, not leave them behind."

"We will, as a family, but sometimes," he said and kissed her lips lightly, "it will just be us, mommy and daddy travel time."

"I hope…I hope we'll have that."

"I promise you, we will."

"But…if…I can't…"

"Do you remember," he whispered to her, "when I asked you to take it all on faith…even when I had no right to do so."

"I do," she said, as their eyes met, hers glimmering with unshed tears.

"Once upon a time," he said "a little angel named Brianna, showed her Mommy in a dream…"

"A beautiful dream," Meredith whispered, her eyes closed, and her hand held firmly in his. "That made me believe…and you've made me believe."

"Yes…love. Meredith, again, we take this all on faith…but now we're married…and we've made a commitment for a lifetime."

"Yes," she said, and felt his lips on hers and smiled softly, and they remained in quiet reflection until the announcement was made of their imminent departure.

"Happy Anniversary Meredith," he whispered against her lips, and her heart skipped a beat as did his, and two hearts beat and soared with expectations of the next forty years, at the exact moment the airplane lifted off the runaway, soaring thousands of feet in the air until it reached a safe altitude, while their hands remained entwined.

"Do you want me to get you a blanket, and you can get some sleep," he told her as he caressed the back of her hand with his thumb.

"Are you kidding," she smiled before opening her eyes and turning her face to look at him, "can't sleep on this trip, I may have to keep an eye on you and those flirty flight attendants."

"It's going to be a long flight," he chuckled, "and you have nothing to worry about."

"I'm not sure I can take any chances," she teased him.

"What if we both get some sleep," he winked at her.

"My panther is tired?" she joked.

"Damn right, there was this insatiable…woman in my bed last night."

"Did she make it worth your while?"

"Every second…" he smiled, "and every hour of lost sleep…well worth it."

"I heard though, about this other woman you had fantasies about," she continued to tease him. "A Dr. Grey?"

"Oh…she's my fantasy come true," he joked.

"It's a damn good thing she's your wife," Meredith glared at him, "or else…"

"I'd be a dead horse's ass," he said, and then they both burst out laughing.

"Derek," she said, "those people across the aisle are not looking at us in a very friendly way."

"Snobs, look at how rigid they look," he joked with her.

"Uhmmm…" she leaned over and whispered, "she's probably never experienced anything remotely near the fantasies between you and Dr. Grey."

"Meredith…those feelings, those once in a lifetime moments, they're only when the right man…and the right woman…"

"You and me…" she smiled, "extraordinary…together."

"For always," he smiled back, and leaned in to kiss her.

Their flight was over ten hours non-stop and throughout they enjoyed their relaxed banter in between meal services, watching a movie, napping and now Derek was reading while she slept and he recognized the familiar breathing right before she'd begin to snore.

"Meredith," he leaned over, "Mer…wake up."

"Uhmm…" she said startled, "what…what's wrong?"

"You were going to start snoring," he said sheepishly.

"And you woke me up?"

"You told me to last time we flew here."

"And you always do what I tell you?"

"I will," he said, with a deadpan expression, "now that we're married, I'm afraid of my wife."

"Oh you ass," she laughed quietly, and reached for his hand. "How long before we get to Atlanta?"

"Another couple hours."

"Did you sleep?"

"A little."

"So you were watching me sleep again?"

"Not really, but I really didn't want you to wake up the entire airplane," he said and felt her smack his arm before she got up and walked to the lavatory.

"You know…" he said, when she got back to her seat, "if you were in an adventurous mood," he teased her, "I could have joined you…"

"Have you seen how small they are and how and filthy those bathrooms get…"

"Uhmmm…I bet Dr. Grey would not have any…"

"Derek," she teased, "you better stop talking about Dr. Grey."

"Think my wife will get jealous?"

She placed her hand on his thigh, massaging lightly, looking in his eyes, "she gets very jealous of her husband fantasizing about another woman."

"Good thing…she told me that," he smiled, and she leaned over to kiss him.

"You weren't serious…were you…about…"

"No…I wasn't…I agree with you about those lavatories."

"But, you know Derek," she grinned at him, "I think…there just may be …"

"What…" he asked in anticipation.

"I'll show you…" she said, suggestively, "before we get home."

"Before we get home…Mer…there aren't too many places…"

"Trust me," she said, and he grinned along with her.

"Completely," he said, and brought her hand to his lips.

The flight attendants brought a snack of cheese and fruits, and Derek requested a glass of red wine, while Meredith stuck to water during the entire flight.

"You're not drinking anything?" he asked.

"Following Bailey's advise, lots of fluids and walk a bit."

"This is good," he said savoring the wine, and bringing it to her lips, she tasted it.

"Derek," she said, with a wicked smile, and leaned over to him, "before we get off this plane, put a condom in your wallet."

"Meredith," he said, as he almost choked on the wine he'd just sipped, "are you trying to kill me?"

"I only made a suggestion," she smiled.

"A suggestion," he laughed, "more like a…"

"Just keeping a promise," she smiled as she put her hand on his thigh and massaged her way inching higher, teasing and enticing, while she whispered very quietly in his ear.

"Oh God," he groaned, "if you don't want a trip to the lavatory…"

"Can't take the heat," she taunted, and removed her hand from his thigh.

"You're playing with fire…"

"I hope so," she said, and then leaned over to brush his lips with hers.

"These are going to be the longest two hours…"

"You know Derek, while I was talking to your Mom in the car this morning, she suggested we might try…" she said, and then he roared with laughter, again earning the scowl from the passengers across the aisle.

"Meredith, I do love you," he chuckled.

"I thought, it was a good way to…you know…"

"Yes…I know," he said chuckling. "You were not seriously talking to my mother about sex this morning."

"Not about us, just that Kat and Kevin probably were spending the morning…"

"Ok…you're right, you all win… I'm a prude, I do not want to hear about my sisters having sex or my mother's thoughts, or about you and my mother talking about …sex…"

"That's what we concluded," she giggled, "but we were also talking about Mark and Lexie," she said, and that conversation took a life of its own.

Their arrival was uneventful, and since they were traveling in business class were one of the first passengers to clear immigration and customs, leaving well over two hours before their connecting flight to Seattle.

"Almost home," she said, when they reached Delta's Crown Room and they settled comfortably in the quiet section of the lounge. Derek continued to read his book, while she thumbed through the magazine she'd just purchased, and Derek looked up and saw her smiling.

"What are you smiling about, or do I even want to know?"

"You may want to know," she smiled at him, "here, read this article, though I think…" she winked at him, "Dr. Grey has a lot more to offer, definitely a lot more to offer," she said, and got up and leaned down to whisper to him, "did you put a condom in your wallet?"

"Meredith…" he groaned.

"Did you?"

"Yes."

"I'll be right back, read that article, so you can tell me, well, really show me, what you think later," she walked away leaving him stunned, frustrated and horny as he finished reading the article on ways to spice up your sexual relationship.

"Derek," she said, in a deceptively unaffected tone, "our conference call is in a few minutes, and I was able to secure a room where we can have some privacy."

"What…" he said, as he looked up from the page he was reading.

"We have a couple of minutes," she said, and motioned for him to follow her to a very similar room where they'd made calls in New York, and his mouth hung open when he read the sign posted on the door on an 8 ½ by 11 white piece of paper.

_Please do not disturb – medical conference call in progress._

"Meredith," he warned.

"Derek, we only have a minute or so, and the front desk was very helpful in ensuring we have privacy during the conference call."

He followed her in to the small closet like room, where only a wall to wall desktop and chair were found.

"Are you crazy…" he said chuckling, "how did you ever come up…"

"Derek…we don't have forever here….are we going to talk…or are you going to…"

"Shutting up," he said, as he reached for her and devoured her mouth.

"Derek....don't make me wait…" she said long after they'd shared the first kiss, and both were more than ready to join their bodies, and he covered her mouth to silence her moan.

"Mer," he said, attempting to do exactly as he was trying to tell her, and finding it almost impossible not to voice his pleasure, as she held the length of him in her hands, "we have to…"

"Quiet, I know," she said, "Derek," she whispered "don't make me wait…please," she urged him, as he entered her in one quick thrust.

"Shush…" he said, and covered her mouth again, "Mer…we'll probably get arrested," he said, before she contracted gently squeezing him, and then again, and for the first time ever they reached the ecstasy of fulfillment in silence.

He held her against him, both breathless and slightly panting, their bodies still joined, "are you ok?"

"I'm…" she smiled, and their gazes on each other reflected the exact emotions as she said, "just…perfect…amazing…"

"God, Mer…I can't believe…that was…" he said, and she kissed him, softly, tenderly.

"I love you Derek, welcome home."

"I love you too," he said, and in the minutes that followed, as best they could, ensured there were no traces of the pleasures shared as they walked out of the small enclosure and Meredith removed the sign from the door before she went to the ladies room.

Hours later, Meredith slept as they announced the descent of the aircraft on the approach to Seattle, and Derek placed a soft kiss on her lips.

"Wake up sleeping beauty, we're almost home."

"We are..." she said groggily.

"Uhmmm…"

"How long have I been sleeping?"

"Almost since we left Atlanta."

"I'm sorry, that's almost five hours, that wasn't very nice of me."

"I slept a while too, and it is after midnight for us."

Her stomach growled, "I guess I skipped a meal," she smiled.

"We both did. I figured it would be ok since Izzie's expecting us for dinner."

"Yeah…" she said, and leaned over to kiss him.

"Our first dinner back home…as a married couple."

"Derek," she smiled "do you remember before we left, that morning at the trailer."

"Uhmmm….yes…"

"I had a feeling," she smiled. "The most wonderful feeling."

"You said you felt so good about this trip."

"I was right…" she smiled, and there were tears in her eyes, "it was the most wonderful beginning of our life together…for always."

"It was," he agreed, as they spoke, their eyes smiling and tearful at the same time, "those glimpses of dreams are becoming…"

"Oh…no…not becoming…Derek…those dreams…have come true," she said, and leaned in to him, and said upon his lips, "because of you."

"You…Meredith," he said, and cupped her face, "you are my inspiration, my love…my gift from heaven."

"Oh…Derek…I love you so much," she said, and their hands entwined, and the aircraft continued its descent and their eyes reflected the myriad of emotions of the long journey traveled, the long journey home.

The long journey begun on a night filled with heartache and doubts, the night a heart betrayed shattered in a million pieces leaving wounds of immeasurable proportions, but now restored as faith and love indeed brought healing.

Eyes held and spoke of forgiveness as both accepted that neither would ever take their love for granted, a love they recognized was a gift they now knew to nurture and cherish. Eyes that remembered sorrow filled nightmares turned reality, as an unexpected life created in love and passion, was lost to them, not meant to survive, and again shattered the dreams of two parents longing for their child, and when all was lost, two lovers found strength in each other, found that theirs was indeed a love of legends.

Eyes that refused to break their contact, covered by a light sheen of tears, that now held the joy and promise of the future, certain and unshakeable in their belief that together they were extraordinary, and their lives would find the true joy of fulfillment as each passing day came closer to the reality of the glimpses of dreams shared by an angel, they'd accepted on faith, sent from Heaven.


	169. Chapter 169

_Home! Sweet, sweet home! _

_There's no place like home._

_There's no place like home_

_* Words by John Howard Payne_

**Ch 163 – Home Sweet Home**

"Derek," she said quietly, softly brushing his lips with hers, "we're almost home."

"Uhmmm…"

"We're about to exit on Western Avenue," she said softly, again kissing his lips, "wake up sleeping beauty," she smiled, teasing him as he'd often said to her.

"I fell asleep," he mumbled as he ran his hand over his face, "why did you let me?"

"We've been traveling over eighteen hours, it's the middle of the night for us, you were tired," she smiled, "and it was nice that I wasn't the one falling asleep on you in the car."

"Cab doesn't count," he said as his lips met hers, "and I can't be sleeping beauty."

"Rules for everything," she smiled, and rested her head on his chest as the driver switched lanes to take the exit that would lead them home.

"What are you thinking about?"

The last few weeks had highlighted the keen connection between, as both could and would immediately pick up the subtlest nuances of each other's emotions.

"The day I came back to Seattle," she told him, "how different it feels today…coming home."

"Good different…" he questioned.

"Extraordinary different…" she smiled, "happy to be home."

"Be it ever so humble…"

"There's no place like home," she finished with a half smile.

"You knew this one…"

"I know this one," she said, as they turned to one of the smaller streets, "it's actually a song, about one hundred fifty years old."

"Uhmmm…amazing you'd know that," he commented.

"I think," she giggled, "everybody knows that quote Derek."

"Maybe," he agreed, "but not too many people know it's a song, and that old."

"Derek, are you happy to be home?"

"I am," he said and kissed her as they made the last turn to their street, "happy to be anywhere with you," and as the cab pulled up to her house, he briefly deepened their kiss.

"I love you Derek," she said meeting his gaze.

"I love you," he smiled at her before opening the car door, "are you ready to face the mob that has apparently gathered for our homecoming," he said, and they looked at each other and smiled as the cars parked at their home revealed their close friends were waiting for them.

The cab driver unloaded their luggage and helped carry them to the door, and then Derek turned to Meredith.

"Well…Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled as blue met the sparkling grey green eyes, "are you ready…for the rest of our lives?"

"For always," she leaned into him, meeting his lips, uncaring of the six people they knew waited for them.

The door was swung open, "figures," they heard Cristina's voice, "can't keep you hands off each other five seconds."

"Mer, did you hear anything," Derek said as they ended their kiss.

"No," she buried her face in his the crook of his neck, and laughed as he held her.

"Knock it off you two," Cristina insisted, "don't make me have to call Barbie."

"Cristina, who are you talking to?" Izzie said in perfect timing. "Are they here?"

"We are Izzie," Meredith replied as she saw her heading to the front door.

"You're home," she said flinging he door wide open, and stepping out to hug them both, "let me see you ring," she said and Meredith held out her hand, "it's beautiful, oh my God Mer it's just beautiful, but, come in, what are you waiting for?"

"This," Derek said, and reached to lift and cradle Meredith in his arms.

"Derek," she scolded him, trying not to laugh. "Don't drop me."

"Have I ever dropped you," he whispered, as he carried her over the threshold.

"Still in shape Shep," Mark drawled as he joined them in the foyer, "Grey didn't wear you out."

"You're just jealous Mark Sloan," Meredith retorted smiling.

"I'm not the one that had to make up for lost time," he winked at her, "it's a safe assumption, he's not that young."

"Ignore him," Meredith whispered to Derek, and kissed him hard, oblivious to the photos snapped by Izzie.

"We had enough touchy feely in Venice, put her down Shepherd, I'm starving."

"You're home," Lexie said as she walked in from the kitchen, "welcome back."

"Home, sweet home," Meredith said as both she and Derek laughed before he put her down.

"It's good to be back," Meredith said as Lexie hugged them both, "and we're starving too."

"I just bet," Mark smirked, "how long has it been since the two of you…"

"Mark, make yourself useful, help me with the bags," Derek told him and they took the bags upstairs.

"Mer," Izzie said, "I can't wait to hear all about the wedding, and the proposal, all of it, I can't believe you're married," she said full of excitement.

"Where are George and Alex?" Meredith asked.

"Ah…they…well, they had to do something and they were delayed, so we're just …"

"But their cars are parked outside," Meredith questioned.

"Lexie," Mark laughed as he and Derek reached the bottom stairs, and he ruffled her hair, "you're a very bad liar."

"I am not…"

"Yeah you are," he smiled at her, "that's a good thing."

"I was going to say," Lexie smiled at him, "I am not lying."

"Mark Sloan," Meredith said seriously, "what do you think you're doing?"

"I just helped put your excessive amount of luggage in your room, you guys were only gone a week."

"That," Meredith told him, as Derek reached her side and put his arm around her, "is not, what I'm talking about, and you know it."

"Lighten up Grey," he smiled, "we're friends."

"You better not…"

"Relax," he said, and kissed her check. "Welcome home."

"Hey Mer, Shepherd," Alex said as he walked out from the kitchen holding a beer bottle, and hugged her, "congratulations Shepherd," he said extending his hand.

"Mer," George followed Alex, "you look beautiful and happy," he said hugging her. "Congratulations Doctor…Derek," he smiled and shook his hand.

"The guys are finally back," Lexie said, and all except Meredith and Derek, just looked at her and shook their heads or smirked.

"Bad…" Mark chuckled and walked up to her and whispered in her ear, "bad liar."

"Oh, shut up," she snapped back at him. "You were supposed to help them with the banner."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him, "I'm going to kill him."

"Mer…I think she's flirting with him too."

"She is not," she said indignantly.

"Yeah…" he smiled, "she is."

"I'm…well…"

"Meredith," he said and proceeded to silence her with a kiss.

"Dinner's ready everybody, we didn't want to keep you waiting since you're probably jet lagged and you have an early shift," Izzie told them. "But you may want to freshen up Mer, you've been traveling all day."

"Actually yes, we'll be right back," she said and pulled Derek along with her.

"Meredith…do not get involved," he said as they walked in her room.

"I'm not getting involved, but they're kind of flirting with each other, and he damn well better not get any ideas."

"Mer…" he smiled at her and pulled her into his arms, "it's our first night home…let's enjoy it…"

"Fine," she agreed smiling, and kissed him.

"Did you notice they were trying to keep us in the foyer before Alex and George walked in, and Mark's right your sister is not a good liar."

"That's not a bad thing," she laughed and walked to the bathroom, both taking a few minutes to freshen up and she slipped on a lighter sweater.

They heard the loud friendly banter as they approached the kitchen and she turned to him, "our family."

"Our family," he agreed smiling, and kissed her softly before they walked in holding hands.

"Oh…my…this…" she said as she looked around, as George snapped some photos, and saw the Congratulations Meredith and Derek on the wall, a chocolate cake with a bride and groom for decoration and several arrangements of flowers on the kitchen surfaces, including a beautiful centerpiece to compliment a beautifully set table.

"I know Mer," Izzie said, "we probably went overboard, well, Lexie and I did…but we had to do something to celebrate your first night back, and Dr. Sloan…Mark insisted on the finest champagne, and we couldn't just ignore your wedding…and George and Alex just finished putting the signs up…and Cristina was in charge of finding the bride and groom figurine…"

"It's beautiful," Meredith told her, and as she gently squeezed Derek's hand and walked over to hug Izzie and then her sister, "thank you…thank you both…all of you."

"Cristina," Derek said and roared with laughter, "was in charge of the bride and groom, Meredith you have to see this."

"Oh my God…are you crazy, Cristina," she laughed. "Derek, we won't be able to show these pictures…ever, to our kids."

"I thought it was very fitting," Cristina said smugly, "you two are forever lip locked…and more," she said as everyone laughed at the bride and groom displayed on top of the square cake, the couple's porcelain lips on each other as the groom stood holding the bride her legs wrapped around his waist.

"Wherever did you find it?" Meredith asked her.

"Google," she said, "Barbie had a list of duties the minute she found out about the wedding, and I ordered it while we were still in Venice, had it sent overnight."

"Thank you Cristina," Meredith said and walked over to her, hugging her briefly.

"Enough hugging," Cristina said, "can we get on with this?"

"I believe," Mark said cynically, "the sweet disposition had returned."

"Mark," Lexie said as she took a seat next to him at the table, "be nice."

"I baked the cake," Izzie continued in her usual chipper mood, "thought it was appropriate it be chocolate, and that we'd have dinner here in the kitchen, where Mer first admitted all her secret feelings for McDreamy …but we had to order the food, because we all had pretty late shifts the last few days, though it's from one of your favorite places so we though you wouldn't mind."

"We don't mind at all," Derek said, "we really appreciate your thoughtfulness, it's the perfect celebration to come home to."

Everyone began to serve themselves and Cristina commented, "Mer, now that you're married Derek speaks in _we_ terms."

"Yang," Alex told her, "stop the crap. You know you were just as sentimental as Iz and Lexie, telling us all the wedding details."

"Mind your business evil spawn," Cristina glared at him, "I've hardly spoken to any of you since we got back Friday night."

"Come on Cristina," George said smiling, making him look like a mischievous young boy, "you couldn't stop talking about it at lunch yesterday."

"That's sweet Cristina," Meredith smiled at her, "it does mean a lot to me."

"Don't let Bambi kid you."

"Yang," Derek said, "quit while you're ahead."

"Don't push it Shepherd…" she retorted, "our truce…"

"Is in no danger of being compromised," he told her, effectively ending the conversation.

"I don't know how you guys are still awake," George said, "isn't it close to five in the morning for you with the nine hour time difference?"

"It is George, but, no matter what we do, we're going to be jet lagged," Derek answered.

"And I am starving, I slept almost the entire five hours from Atlanta and we've had nothing to eat," Meredith chimed in.

"Mer," Izzie said, "start telling us all about it. You didn't do a very good job, keeping us posted, and we had to find out about the wedding from Cristina."

"Actually, that's my fault," Derek told her, "she didn't know anything about it."

"That's ok Derek," Izzie said, "we know some details, so just start from the begging Mer."

"Well," she said, in between bites of the meal presented, "the first surprise was when we got to the airport and Derek had us flying first class, which was great, but very unnecessary."

"Mer," Alex commented, "he makes two million dollars a year, enjoy it, he can afford it."

"I keep telling her, it's not an issue," Derek laughed, and they all continued listening to the highlights.

"Then as we were flying to New York he finally told me where we were going, well, I guessed after he gave me several clues…and when we got to New York…"

"She forgot to include the part where she needed to mark her territory," Derek teased.

"Oh yes," she lied, "Derek was flirting with the flight attendants…"

"He was what," they heard the echo of three women's voices.

"Meredith…"

"Derek, come on, you know…they would not have been flirting with you if…"

"She's lying," he laughed, "she just wants to hide the fact she was jealous even though I had no clue…"

"Brainless moron," Cristina muttered.

"That's something I've been hearing a lot lately," he mumbled.

"Derek," Meredith turned to him, placing her hand on his arm, and leaning to kiss him, "you know I'm joking."

"I know," he said, accepting her kiss.

"Anyway, we got to New York…"

"Before we got to New York, she told the flight attendant she was Mrs. Shepherd, and we had the captain congratulate us on our wedding…" he smiled at her.

"It's true," Meredith rolled her eyes, "I staked my claimed, and I wasn't going to let those hussies get away with flirting with my future husband."

"Mer, he wasn't your future husband yet," Cristina pointed out.

"He was going to be," she replied, "it was definitely our engagement trip."

"Dude, you knew you were going to get married in Venice?"

"No Karev, that was totally unexpected. It was only the proposal I had planned," he said, and found her hand reaching for his and she locked gazes with him and smiled.

"We got to the hotel in Venice," Meredith continued with the details, "and that evening right before sunset, Derek was all nervous and hurrying me to finish the light snack we were having so we could meet up with the gondolier he'd hired, and we got on the gondola, and I knew then…" she paused, and her eyes shone with tears, "he was going to propose…under the Bridge of Sighs…because there's this legend," she explained to them.

"We were on the gondola," Derek said, "and before I proposed, she said yes."

"What?" the room echoed.

"Mark," Meredith said, "you already know the story."

"I know, but it's fun to get a rise out of you," he said as he and Lexie exchanged a smile.

"Derek had our gondolier, Salvatore, pay the others to hold them up so we could be under the bridge right at sunset, and then," she said, and wiped a tear, "he proposed, the most beautiful…romantic moment…I could have ever hoped for…and then we kissed at sunset, and Salvatore snapped some photos…"

"The ring is beautiful," Izzie said reaching for her hand to look at it again, "that's what 2.25 carats look like," she smiled, "and you said yes."

"I did…"

"And I forgot to give her the ring," Derek said with a deadpan expression met with total silence followed by laughter.

"You forgot the ring?" George asked, "after all this time, you forgot."

"But he made up for it," Meredith said, "completely made up for it, and slipped the ring on my finger right before the gondola glided from below the bridge and headed to the lagoon."

"Oh…Mer…" Izzie sniffled, along with Lexie, "that is so romantic."

"Lexie," Mark said, "why are you crying, you already know this."

"It's still special…and sentimental," she said, and Meredith noticed how he placed his arm around her shoulder and smiled at her, and Meredith made a mental note to mention it to Carolyn when she emailed her later.

"Mer," Alex said, "that was right when you got there, so when did you decide to get married there?"

"That same night, we were having dinner and that's where I sent you the photo of the ring, and when we were walking back to the hotel, really just strolling along and there was this old square with a fountain," she said as placed her hand on top of his, letting him know how special the moment had been, in spite of what had followed, that she fondly remembered every detail of its outcome, "when Derek turned to me and said, marry me…marry me now…in Venice."

"That is so romantic," Izzie said, and wiped a tear, "Derek that is just so beautifully romantic…"

"It was, Izzie," Meredith said gently squeezing his hand, "the most romantic night of my life…well, up till that moment…"

"She means," Mark joked, "it got more romantic after they had sex," and felt a smack on the back of the head from either side, one from Lexie the other from Cristina.

"Don't you have any discretion," Lexie glared at him.

"Apparently not," Cristina snorted.

"Hey, it's true…and you're the ones that have been asking for details on the bet, and I fessed up, I lost…it was a lot longer than twenty three days…"

"Dude," Alex raised his lips in a half smile, "you waited longer…and you didn't have proposal sex…"

"Meredith," Derek said, "how do you put up with all this?"

"I ignore them," she smiled.

"Come on guys, we kept your secret, nobody knows you're married," Alex insisted, "we should know at least how bad we calculated."

"Their wedding night," Mark answered. "Mama Shep interfered and they had to wait to consummate the marriage."

"Meredith and Derek, waited," there were several comments and snickering heard from their friends.

"Mark Sloan," Meredith mockingly scolded him, "you are damn lucky you were already our best man, because if not…"

"Grey…no more threats…"

"I have one more…" she reminded him, referring to the godfather role.

"You're not going to take that back," Mark looked at her and met her gaze.

"No…" she agreed, "no I'm not."

"You guys," George laughed, "skipped proposal and engagement sex and went right to honeymoon sex."

"I'm glad you all find this so amusing," Meredith said, concealing a smile.

"We live with you Mer," George continued, " there's nothing amusing about keeping us up all night, we've endured break up, make up, sex and mockery sex."

"Speaking of that," Mark said, "I have a small wedding gift."

"Mark, you didn't have to do that," Meredith said.

"It's not for you," he said, "I still have to get you a wedding present. It's for your roommates."

They all looked at him expectantly as he got up and brought a small bag to the table, and took out the contents, revealing a set of wax earplugs for each of the house occupants, to the roar of laughter echoing through the kitchen.

"Dude," Alex smiled, "this is perfect."

"Meredith," Derek said seriously, "I think we need to set some rules."

"Yes, dear," she teased him.

"No more jokes about our sex life."

"Forget it Shep, your roars made it impossible to ever live it down."

"Roars?" both Cristina and Lexie asked.

"Yes, roars," Mark said and proceeded to tell the story, and had them all sharing in the laughter.

"Mer, how did you find out about everyone flying in for the wedding?" Izzie asked her.

"That was yet another surprise, no until they were in the lobby," Meredith continued with the rest of the wedding details, "and of course I had kept trying to call you the day before while were in Milan, and nobody answered the phones, and then I found out you were all pretending there had been this huge trauma case that kept you busy, and you already know how Mark found out and then made it happen for Lexie and Cristina to come out."

"You didn't freak out meeting Derek's Mom?" Izzie asked her.

"No she didn't," both Derek and Lexie replied at the same time.

"Izzie wait till you meet her. She's wonderful."

"Your mother in law…" Izzie said hesitantly, "she's wonderful."

"She is…and she's coming to visit."

"And you're ok with family visiting," Alex commented.

"I'm more than ok," she said, and smiled as she looked at Derek and he brought her hand to his lips.

"What I cannot believe," Izzie said, "is the four of you crashed their honeymoon."

"We didn't really crash it," Mark said. "Nature intervened, and the fog wouldn't let us leave the lake area that night."

"You could have gone to a hotel," George said.

"Not really," Derek commented, "there weren't any other options, and the villa where we stayed had plenty or room."

"But," Mark joked, "regrettably, it did not alter their evening plans at all!"

Dinner had been an enjoyable celebration with light teasing moments amongst friends, first brought together my life's circumstances and now shared the bonds of family.

Their flight had arrived early and they'd sat down to eat by eight that evening. Meredith and Derek were surprised when the doorbell rang close to nine thirty and Lexie got up right away and returned to the kitchen with two surprise guests.

"Shep," Richard Webber greeted and both Derek and Meredith rose from their seats. "Congratulations. Meredith, finally I can speak without fear of putting my foot in my mouth, again," he said and embraced her.

"Meredith," Miranda Bailey smiled as she hugged her, "you look happy and radiant, even with hours of jet lag. He better be treating you well."

"He is…Dr. Bailey."

"I think tonight, Miranda will do," she said, and kissed her cheek. "Now let me see the ring, because this stupid man," she turned to Derek.

"Thanks Miranda," Derek joked, "what would I do without you?"

"You wouldn't have been able to have a week's honeymoon…" she smiled, and Derek reached out to hug her.

"You're my favorite person at the hospital," he told her, "you know that Miranda, and I think she's happy," he said turning to Meredith and meeting a smile identical to his.

"I guess I don't count for anything," Richard said, and winked at Meredith.

"Of course you do Chief," Izzie smiled at him, "thanks to you we were able to get the trailer ready for their return."

"Speaking of which," Derek joked with him, "I leave you a key in case of an emergency and you let everybody in."

"Everybody…" Lexie and Izzie protested.

"I'm kidding…" Derek told them, "he's just been a damn busybody lately."

"I resent that…" Richard said. "Especially after you got the time off…even if I almost let the cat out of the bag."

"Richard," Derek reached for his hand, "you made the most important moment of our lives happen, and we will always be grateful," he said and the two men embraced.

"You too, Miranda," Meredith said, "Derek told me you knew all about our trip, thank you for making it possible to have the time off."

"What I didn't know," Miranda said, "is this fool was going to ask you to marry you right than and there…but he did good…finally, he did real good."

"He did Miranda, he really did," Meredith told her, and after she was released from Miranda's embrace, she showed her the ring.

"Beautiful ring Derek," Miranda said, "I'm very happy for you both."

"This was certainly a surprise," Derek said, "a very pleasant surprise to see you both tonight."

"We would have been here earlier, but we were stuck in a complicated surgery, but at least we knew we'd be able to make it for cake and champagne," Richard said.

"Speaking of which," Mark said, "Lexie, Yang, help me with that," and the three of them poured ten glasses of champagne.

"Mer," Izzie said, "Lexie and Cristina haven't said anything about the bouquet, if you threw it, I mean it was only the two of them and it looked beautiful from the pictures we saw."

"No," Meredith said softly, "I didn't throw it," and Derek pulled her into his embrace, "Derek picked it out, the lilies of the valley were beautiful."

"Meredith asked Mom to take the bouquet to a church they visited, and leave it as an offering," he said, and tightened his hold on her.

"I asked her," Meredith paused to regain her composure. She had not been expecting the question, "to take the flowers and place them at the church, in memory of our baby."

Silenced filled the room completely, as no one other than Derek had known that, and not one of its occupant remained unaffected by the poignancy of the moment.

Cristina was surprisingly the first to speak, "that was a beautiful gesture."

"Yes," Miranda said, and their eyes met in understanding, "it was, and there's no doubt your baby knows that."

"I think so," Meredith said softly, and squeezed Derek's hand, before turning to him, and kissing him softly. "We should make our toasts," she smiled.

"We should," he agreed, and whispered, "I love you."

"I love you too."

"Here we go," Mark spoke up, "time for toasting the bride and groom, and since I'm the best man…"

"I think I should go first," Richard interrupted and the mood began to lighten.

"What," Mark said, "we're going to fight over this?"

"No, I'm just going to go first, Chief's prerogative."

"You're not here as Chief," Mark joked with him, "but if you want to go first because you're the oldest…we can do that."

"Meredith and Derek," Richard said, "I cannot begin to tell you how pleased I am to be here to celebrate with you tonight. Meredith, I've known you since you were a little girl, and I know how very proud your mother would be of the woman you've become. Derek, you are a very lucky man, you both are…to have found each other. You deserve this and so much more, and I wish you both a lifetime of well deserved happiness."

The echoes of "cheers" were heard multiple times, as each friend took a moment to toast the newly married couple.

"My turn, and not because I'm the oldest, "Miranda said, daring anyone to contradict her. "You know how I felt about the two of you, at the beginning, but it was not long before I knew…yes, I know everything…it was fate that brought you together, and I am so delighted to be here in this private moment, to wish you happiness, and that God will grace you with His blessings every day of your lives."

Meredith wiped away a tear, as they all sipped the glass of champagne.

"Mer, Shepherd, "Alex said, "thanks for sharing tonight with us, just don't make the celebration too loud later," he added, and everyone laughed. "To many years of happiness," he finished and raised the champagne flute.

"Mer, Doctor…Derek," George said, "You do belong together. There's never been any doubt. I hope you will always be as happy as we see you are tonight."

"Mer…Derek…" Izzie said, "to every dream you've ever had coming true…to the happily ever after…you've been meant to be together for so long, I'm so happy to be here tonight and wish you happiness for the rest of our lives."

"Derek," Cristina began "don't forget we're all here for her…don't screw it up again," and unexpectedly continued, "yours, I know, is a love of legends…don't ever lose that."

Everyone was stunned. Cristina rarely spoke of any sentimentality. "Thank you," Meredith mouthed silently.

"To family and friends," Lexie shared a smile with her sister and Derek, "I'm trusting my brother in law, to make my sister's dreams come true…don't ever forget them…you've an Angel watching over you."

Mark cleared his throat, but made allowances for a brief private moment between the couple, as Derek hugged his wife after the last toast, "you ok?"

"Lingering hormones," she whispered.

"Meredith and Derek," Mark spoke, "thank you for allowing me to participate in your wedding. For sharing your family, gathered here today…all of us care deeply for you, and I too wish that all your future dreams come true."

"We…" Derek began, as he put his arm around her waist and drew Meredith closer to him, "are so touched and grateful for all of you being part of our lives, for doing this for us, our first night back home, and your wishes mean more than I can properly express. Your support, during this last month, helped us at a time when we had no idea if we were going to make it…but I can tell you tonight, that there is nothing we cannot overcome. Our sadness has begun to heal, and we recognized that we were meant to spend our life together….so when I asked Meredith to marry me, in Venice, and she said yes, it was the culmination of all we've shared and knowing that our commitment to each other would never waver. Thank you wanting to celebrate our marriage, tonight will always hold a special place in our hearts. To each of you…our friends and family, thank you."

"Shepherd, you are turning us all into sentimental watering pots," Miranda said, "and let me warn you both, don't you dare even consider keeping your marriage a secret like these two fools here," she said, pointing to Mark and Cristina, "are suggesting you do."

"We won't," Meredith and Derek answered simultaneously.

"How…how, do you know that?" Cristina said.

"Yang…I know EVERYTHING," she quipped.

"Miranda," Mark said, "it's only fair…you missed the conversation earlier, but…all of us have had to endure…let's just say the roaring symphony these two…"

"Mark Sloan, show some respect," the tiny woman wacked him across the head.

"How the hell could you reach my head," Mark said as he rubbed the back of it.

"I rise to the occasion," she mumbled, and everyone laughed.

"Let's cut the cake," Izzie chimed in, "I can't believe we forgot."

"Just keep the champagne flowing Stevens," Mark said as he opened up another bottle and Meredith and Derek did the ceremonial cutting of the cake, and throughout the evening George continued to snap photographs.

"Need I guess," Miranda shook her head, "Yang was responsible for the cake decoration."

"You're good, Dr. Bailey," Lexie laughed.

"Mer, you're wearing two rings, that's new too," Izzie said as she noticed the gold band and its delicate design on her right hand.

"It was a gift from Derek," she told her, "he surprised me with this on our wedding day. We had incorporated so many of the local traditions; he later told me this was going to be our own, and by the way Mark actually forgot to give Derek the ring."

George laughed, "a new wedding theme is born, the forgotten!"

"It was Mark's fault," Meredith laughed.

"How could it be my fault," Mark defended himself, "your husband bought it, he should have remembered."

"You had it," Meredith taunted, "it was your job as bestman to remember. I mean, will I have to worry one day, if I ever agree you can take your godchild to a Yankees game, that you'll forget you actually have to take care of and bring your godchild home?

Snickers and giggles were heard, thought mostly, the family gathered was grateful she could talk about the future, and the husband smiled as she spoke of their future children without the sadness they'd witnessed weeks before.

"Of course not, what kind of irresponsible idiot do you think I am?"

"Sloan…" Miranda smiled, "you don't really want an answer, do you?"

"You're a mean woman Miranda," Richard shook his head.

"Chief, I just call them as I see them," she retorted, but in a rare show of affection she turned to Mark. "I think she has no reason to ever worry. You will be a wonderful godfather to their child one day."

"I will," he pouted, "and besides, Lexie's coming along with me."

"Really," Meredith commented.

"Of course, we're in this together, right Xena?"

"Yeah…we are," Lexie smiled, and Miranda exchanged a questioning look with Meredith, who shrugged and rolled her eyes.

"Meredith," Richard said, "you mentioned your ring a new tradition, what is it?"

"A gift to pass on to our first son, for his bride," Derek said.

"What if you have all boys?" Cristina said.

"Then, I'll keep it…" Meredith said, and smiled at Derek, "just as the inscription says."

"You had it inscribed," Izzie sighed.

"Yes, our wedding bands too," Derek told her.

"You really gave her the perfect wedding," Miranda said, "I'm proud of you, McDreamy is truly back."

"I tried," he said.

"You did," Meredith said, and their eyes met as their hands intertwined.

"What do the inscriptions say?" Izzie asked.

"Well, let's just say," Meredith told her, "we didn't know till we got to Lake Como, and we were truly amazed to discover we'd chosen the exact words."

"You did," Lexie said, "we didn't know that, Derek that's …well… I knew…just knew you'd be the perfect brother in law."

Meredith and Derek smiled, unwilling just yet to reveal the intimacy of the words selected.

"Izzie, this is really good cake," Meredith, "thanks for thinking of it."

"It was fitting Mer, chocolate wedding cake…in the kitchen," she smiled. "Tell us about Lake Como," Izzie asked that they sat around the table eating wedding cake, "we heard bits and pieces from," she hesitated, "from Mark but nothing like hearing it from you," and they spent another hour exchanging anecdotes of the very unexpected wedding trip.

"Well," Miranda spoke, "I've got to get going, I told my husband I'd be home before eleven, and Grey, wait, are you going to be Shepherd now?"

"She's going to be Grey for now," Derek answered for her, leaving no doubts he supported her decision.

"Saves us a lot of paperwork," Miranda replied, "but you still need to be in at seven tomorrow."

"Before you go," Meredith said, and both of she and Derek now stood near Miranda "I want to thank all of you for making this a very special homecoming. I shared some of this the night before our wedding," she said gently squeezing Derek's hand, "but since you weren't all there, I want you to know how much your support and affection has meant to us, individually," she paused as emotions overwhelmed her, "and now, as a couple."

"To friends," Richard said, "and family," Mark added.

"One last toast," Meredith said. "Lately, I've said it often, but never more appropriate than tonight, with all of you here that have been there…through the not always easy road that got us here…to my husband, my strength and comfort…my soul mate…for always."

"To my wife," Derek said, as he turned to face her, "my breath of fresh air, my second chance…for a lifetime."

"Beyond a lifetime…" she whispered against his lips, bridging the distance between them, and smiled as his lips met hers.

Silence followed briefly, all accepting that words were not necessary as the emotions and love between them spoke volumes, as even Cristina, the harshest of cynics, accepted theirs was indeed a love of legends.

"You may kiss the bride," Mark and Alex joked.

"Indeed," Derek said, and deepened their kiss.

"Time to say goodnight," Richard cleared his throat, "and give the bride and groom some privacy."

"Before we witness the same pose as the cake decoration," Cristina quipped.

"Let's go people," Miranda said, "time to go home."

"Chief, can we come spend the night at your house?" George joked.

Derek and Meredith smiled, listening to their friends, then he said, "thanks again, this meant a lot to us."

"Good night Shep, Meredith," Mark said, "see you in the morning."

Meredith smiled, and before leaving the kitchen, surprised everyone with a heartfelt hug, before walking to the stairs holding her husband's hand.

"Little do they know," Derek joked as they reached the first step, "we're too exhausted to do anything but sleep tonight," and their laughter resounded with each step in the home now filled with hopeful promises.

"There they go," Izzie laughed, "get your earplugs out."


	170. Chapter 170

**Ch 164 – All bets are off**

Derek locked the door behind them, and reached for her kissing her softly.

"I thought," she teased before kissing him again, "you were too exhausted for anything other than sleep."

"I am. But, that doesn't mean we'll feel that way in the morning," he teased right back, as he pressed their bodies together and tenderly caressed her back, "and your roommates…"

"They're officially yours now too," she laughed.

"Yeah…well, our roommates have no discretion about our privacy," he cupped her face, lightly stroking her cheek.

She sighed contentedly, kissing him softly, then wrapping her arms around his waist, "it was nice," she told him, "even though I am so tired, to have everyone here tonight."

"It was," he agreed and kissed the top of her head, and they found pleasure in simply holding each other.

"I can't even consider unpacking tonight," she said, "but if I don't, it will only get worse with my schedule this week. I have three ten hour days, then a 48 hour shift."

"At least, your next day off is Saturday," he smiled, "we can spend it together."

"I'll probably want nothing but to stay in bed by then," she told him.

"I can live with that," he joked.

"Good luck getting me to be alert at six in the morning after a forty eight hour shift, combined with the first 3 days of jet lag."

"Who said anything about six in the morning," he teased her, nibbling her lips, "thought you'd want to spend all day in bed."

"Sleep and sex," she smiled, nipping his bottom lip playfully, "going to hold you to that."

"It will be my pleasure," he smiled, and kissed her.

"I bet it will," she laughed softly before resting her head on his chest.

"Go on," he said, as he looked at her closely, the dark circles under her eyes a reflection of their long day of travel, and the lack of sleep the night before. "Get in the shower, and I'll start unpacking whatever we may need tonight."

"You don't have …" he cut her off, with a soft kiss.

"That alarm clock is going to go off way before you want it to."

"You have to get to work too," she argued.

"But I don't have your schedule for the next week," he grabbed her hand, and pulled her toward the bathroom, "get ready for bed, I'll start unpacking."

"I love you" she said, "you could join me…"

"That," he smiled, "would mean we won't get to sleep anytime soon."

"So," she taunted playfully, "you prefer sleep than sex with your wife."

"Meredith…"

"Uhmm…" she said, as she began to discard her clothing, "maybe I need to talk to Dr. Grey."

He laughed and grabbed her, tickling her, making her giggle, "my wife…" he murmured, "is more than enough for me to handle," he said before he captured her lips, and any ideas of sleeping were put on hold as they finished undressing each other and their playfulness resulted in a delightfully sensuous welcome home.

"Mer," Derek said as he cleaned up the watery mess of the bathroom floor, "we should consider some type of shower curtain or something in this bathroom or we're going to spend a lot of time mopping up floors."

"It's never been a problem before," she spoke toothbrush in mouth, "normally we don't shower in here."

"Yeah…but, I think I'd prefer more privacy from now on, your friends already scrutinize our sex life more than they should."

"I'm sure there's something we can find, but it's more practical just to use the hall bathroom," she smiled, and walked to the bed, where he joined her a few minutes later and drew her close to him, and almost immediately felt her pulling away and reaching for her phone on the nightstand.

"Uhmmm…honeymoon's over," he pouted. "Phone over husband in bed."

"It's almost eleven thirty Derek, eight thirty in the morning in Rome and your mom was expecting us to let her know when we got home," she said, and started typing on her blackberry. "I don't want her to worry."

"Tell her I send my love," he said, just as she handed him the phone and he saw what she'd written and smiled. She'd already done so.

_"Got home a bit after 7 & all our friends were here to celebrate with dinner, cake and champagne. ML still flirting, need to keep an eye on that. Hope you had a pleasant trip, say hi to Kat & Kevin. My schedule this week is brutal but will try to stay in touch. Derek and I send our love."_

"You really do like her…don't you?"

"I do…" she said, and he saw the vulnerability in her eyes.

"Well, I know she feels the same way," he told her, and embraced her, and she snuggled against him, her head resting on his chest. "Good night Meredith," he said as he kissed the top of her head.

"Good night," she said, and turned her head to look at him before kissing him one more time and both succumbed to sleep a few minutes later.

Jet lag was an unpredictable syndrome, and not every body reacts the same way. Thus, as tired as they both had been, nearly four hours after falling asleep Derek was wide awake at three fifteen in the morning. Not wanting to wake her, he got up and very quietly began to unpack and methodically separated souvenirs, laundry items, and various other categories he decided upon as he emptied two suitcases, after which time he decided to try to sleep till it was time for her to get up.

Meredith watched him sleep, and slowly got out of bed attempting not to wake him and turned off the alarm clock. They still had another hour before they needed to be up, and she decided to start unpacking, but surprisingly found he had already begun and guessed he too had been up earlier. She began to put things away and unpack the smaller overnight bags.

"Good morning," she said softly upon his lips as she sat on the edge of the bed.

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek…I have breakfast for you."

"We just went to sleep…" he groaned.

"No," she said quietly, kissing his lips again, "that was hours ago."

"Go back to sleep…" he mumbled.

"Go ahead," she said tenderly, and kissed his check, "you can sleep for another couple hours," and set the alarm so he'd get to work by nine.

He turned reaching for her and when he found the empty spot, became more alert. "Mer…" he called out to her as he saw her walk to the door, and she turned around.

"You can go back to sleep, you don't have to be in till nine."

"No," he said, "I want to go in with you."

She walked back and sat next to him, placing the tray back on the chair beside the bed.

"You brought breakfast…" he smiled, rubbing his eyes, still a bit groggy.

"I did," she smiled, "my wifely duties you know…"

"Uhmmm…cooking breakfast…especially," he teased her.

"Yes…it's the most important meal of the day," she joked, referring to their ongoing disagreement, "and you need a healthy start to your day."

He laughed, "you joined the darker side."

"Uh huh…healthy breakfast to start the day," she laughed along with him, and got pulled into his arms.

"How long have you been up?"

"About an hour, but what about you, when did you unpack?"

"Three fifteen, then came back to bed at four."

"Do you really want to get up now, you don't have to…we can meet up later."

"Are you kidding…our first day back as husband and wife, I need to be there with you this morning," he smiled and kissed her.

"Face the rumor mongers," she joked, and he got out of bed and took a sip of coffee before heading to the bathroom to get ready for the day. "Derek," she called out, "do you want to have breakfast up here or should I take it downstairs?"

"Here is fine," he told her, "gives us a little more time alone."

They ate sitting in bed, backs resting against the headboard, discussing the day ahead.

"Derek, can we sleep at the trailer tonight?"

"You have another early morning tomorrow," he reminded her.

"I know…but…I want us to be alone tonight."

"Take what you need with you, and we'll drive there from the hospital after your shift. I expect to be done by five today as well."

"Derek…" she smiled and joked with him before they got up from the bed, "did you like your breakfast?"

"I loved my breakfast, cereal cooked just right," he teased, "but most of all, I love the way you woke me…"

"Like this," she said, as she kissed him softly.

"Yes…don't ever stop…"

"You too Derek…one of us…needs to wake the other up with a kiss…"

"Every day," he said, and kissed her lightly, and before he deepened the kiss, locked gazes with her, "for the rest of our lives."

The drive to Seattle Grace was expectedly uneventful. "You know," she said, "you can't complain this morning."

"About what?"

"I didn't fall asleep on you while you drove."

"If I were a betting man," he teased her.

"Yes…"

"I'd say you will tomorrow."

"Ass."

"Ah…how I'd missed that…" he said and both laughed as they turned into the hospital parking lot and after reaching his spot, got out of the car and came around to open her door.

"I'm not sure," she smiled, and he leaned in to kiss her, "I want to go back yet. I'd much rather still be in Italy enjoying our honeymoon…"

"We'll make sure we spend more time there next year," he told her.

"I really just want to spend more time…alone with my husband."

"You'll have me all night Mrs. Shepherd."

"Promise…" she teased, her fingers playing with the curls on the back of his neck.

"Absolutely," he said and they kissed, oblivious to the onlookers arriving for the seven o'clock shift. Meredith and Derek were in fact almost twenty minutes early, and made their way to his office, taking the stairs and avoiding running into too many people before they saw their friends.

He took a quick look and shared his schedule with her, and then she went to the resident's lounge to change before she and Derek met up at the fourth floor nurse's station as agreed the night before.

"Dr. Shepherd, welcome back," Amy Lynn smiled. "We've missed you and Dr. Grey around here."

"We certainly have," Stephanie commented. "We have to bring you up to date on all the gossip, especially since the rumor mill around here has been beyond ridiculous."

"Really," he said. "You really will have to bring us up to date," and looked over to see Meredith walking his way, left hand in her pocket.

"Dr. Grey, we were just telling Dr. Shepherd we've missed you both. You look absolutely radiant…and your hair, the highlights look great."

"Thanks Amy Lynn, how are things around here," she said, and came to stand next to Derek, who slipped his arm around her, both careful to keep their left hands concealed.

"Good morning Dr. Grey," he smiled.

"Dr. Shepherd," she smiled back.

"We're missing two of the Fab4," Derek said.

"They will be here shortly, they're with patients now, but tells us how was your trip?"

"It was wonderful," Meredith smiled. "We'll tell you about it when you're all here."

"Well," they heard a voice behind them, "if it isn't the GS couple," Mark said, and Meredith rolled her eyes. "Wondered when you'd grace us with your presence again. Rumor has it, you guys split up, and I was called off to try to save …"

"Mark," Meredith warned him, but really wanted to laugh.

"What? It's true," he said turning to Tracy, "that the rumor mill had them split up and the engagement pool was almost 50/50 on their breakup."

"So, Dr. Sloan," Stephanie said, "were you on vacation too?"

"No, Steph just a long weekend in Europe."

"Tracy you did not say a thing," Amy Lynn accused.

"I only knew he was in Venice…and something to do with family."

"Dr. Shepherd," Lisette said as she joined them, "Dr. Grey…it's good to see you."

"Lisette," Meredith smiled at her, "it's good to be back, how are you feeling?"

"I'm good," Lisette said reluctantly.

"Still having dizzy spells?"

"Very rarely now. Thank you for asking."

"Fab4 are all here now, so how about you fill us in on the rumors," Derek said.

"Looks like the other four are in the vicinity too," Mark laughed, "five rather," he said referring to Meredith's friends and Lexie.

"Hi Mer, Derek," Lexie approached them."Tracy, did you like what Mark brought back for you?"

"I loved it Lexie, he said the three of you went shopping."

"Wait," Amy Lynn said, "the three of you went shopping, who else was there, you said three, and you were in Venice? Why?"

"That part of the rumor was right, Amy Lynn," Mark said, "it was related to family."

"But you're not related to Dr. Grey…Lexie I mean…" Stephanie said.

"No," he agreed, "but she's related to Meredith and I'm…"

"Derek's best friend…and that made him family too," Lexie chimed in.

"Ok…I may be a bit slow lately," Lisette said, "but what did I miss? Venice and family gatherings?"

"Don't worry Lisette," Amy Lynn joked, "you're having a boy, they suck the life out of you way before they are born, including our ability to think."

They all laughed, but Meredith remained quiet before asking, "Lisette, you're having a boy?"

"Oh, I'm not sure, it's too early to tell, but I've been so forgetful lately they are teasing me that it's a boy. It doesn't really matter to me."

"Tracy," Stephanie looked over to her, "you know a lot more than you're letting on."

"I don't, Mark only told me part of it…" she smiled.

"So what did he bring you, what Dr. Grey mentioned," she said referring to Lexie, whom she did not think Tracy should be so friendly with, "and who else went shopping?"

"Cristina, right Mark," Tracy told them, "and he brought me a beautiful Prada tote and sunglasses."

"Is it real or a knock off?" Amy Lynn taunted him.

"Of course it's real," Lexie jumped in, "from the Prada store in Venice which is one of the largest in Europe. It's also part of the brand new collection."

Cristina was quiet, looking over charts while Alex, Izzie and George made no qualms about eavesdropping, in fact blatantly did so, having given out assignments right as the shift began so they could join Meredith and Derek as agreed at eight at the nurse's station.

"There's one thing," Cristina said, "about Dr. Sloan, the man knows quality items."

Meredith and Derek watched amused, and he asked again, "ok ladies fill us in."

"Well," Stephanie said, "if the three of you were together…and it was family related..."

"Steph," Tracy laughed, "he asked about the rumors not our speculation."

"Not fair, Tracy, since you already know," Stephanie told her.

"I only know part of it, because there's something else he said I'd find out today, as it was up to Dr. Grey and Dr. Shepherd if they wanted to speak about it."

"Wait," Lisette said, "that sounds …I mean… you didn't break up did you…if it's something you don't want to talk about, like Dr. Sloan said."

"No, we did not," Derek smiled. "Rumors ladies, so we can clear things up."

"No sense beating around the bush," Amy Lynn said, "before you left, you already know the rumor was you were making one last attempt to work things out, and we know…" she smiled, "you were not breaking up…and you better not have, cause we all bet you'd be engaged within the month," she said looking at Meredith and smiling.

"That's right," Meredith agreed.

"Shepherd, Meredith," Cristina said, "get on with it, we don't have all day."

"Then," Amy Lynn continued, "when Dr. Sloan left it was because you broke up and Dr. Shepherd was not coming back, and he went to convince him not to break his contract."

"When the hell do people ever work," Derek muttered.

"It gets better," Tracy said, "the connection was never made between Mark and Yang and Lexie traveling together. Because, they'd actually gone to meet up with Dr. Grey, Meredith that is, who was beyond devastated over the break up and decided she was dropping out of the residency program."

"Why didn't you all tell us this last night," Meredith asked, "Izzie?"

"Are you kidding, and miss out on this here today…" she said, "Mer…your news is going to spread like wildfire, look over there, Nurse Olivia is giving us the evil eye."

Alex's beeper went off, "oh great, what the hell have they done now?" he said and picked up the phone to reach his intern, curious enough to watch the expression on the busybody nurse, though he was sure as hell going to benefit from the bet he'd made.

"Well, ladies," Derek smiled, "anyone counting on making any money on those bets or rumors are in for a loss, and the four of you would indeed be right if you bet that we'd get engaged within the month…" he kissed Meredith's lips quickly.

"In fact," Meredith smiled, "if any of you bet within the week…you'd be a lot richer right now."

"Within the week," Amy Lynn blurted out.

"Seriously…" Stephanie said, while Tracy smiled knowing the answer already.

"You're engaged," Lisette smiled, "within the week…congratulations, Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey… that is truly wonderful news."

"You're engaged," Amy Lynn smiled, "you got engaged in Venice?"

"We did…" Meredith smiled, "but the best part…"

"Show us your ring…" Stephanie said excited for them both.

"Which one," Mark laughed.

"Which one?" Tracy asked.

"Yes, there were several rings exchanged," Mark laughed.

"There sure were," Cristina said, "and no place better than Venice," and spoke loud enough for Olivia to hear as she now stood by the cart holding charts.

"Mer…want to show them," Derek smiled at her, "your rings."

"I think" she teased him, "I'd rather you show them yours first."

"Grey…" Mark laughed, "I knew you'd make me proud."

Derek smiled, "I think I can do that," and placed his left hand on the desk top, revealing his wedding band, to the sound of a collective gasp.

"Oh my God," Amy Lynn was the first to speak, "you got married…you actually got married."

"We did," Meredith said, a radiant beaming smile on her face, as she placed her hand on top of Derek's showing them her engagement ring and wedding band.

"Mark…" Tracy swatted his arm, "you could have told me…"

"And ruin their surprise…we, Yang and I tried to get them to keep it a secret, make a bit more on bets."

"You really could have told me," Tracy said, "I would have kept a secret you know," she winked at him, and Lexie caught the exchange and smiled back at her, and mouthed, "you knew," and Tracy smiled acknowledging she did indeed.

"This is fabulous news, congratulations Dr. Shepherd," Stephanie said, "Dr. Grey, I'm so happy for you…and that you'd share this with us first."

"You have to tell us all about it," Lisette said, wiping a tear away. "I'm sorry, I always get emotional about weddings…and just so happy for you both."

"Ladies," Mark said, "as the bestman," he said with a grin and was interrupted.

"You were the bestman?" Lisette asked, "oh that must mean Dr. Yang and Dr. Grey were bridesmaids."

"We were," Lexie beamed, "and it was the most beautiful romantic wedding, and the proposal…just so beautiful."

"You do have to tell us all about it," Stephanie said.

"We will," Meredith agreed. "But, right now," she smiled, "unlike my husband, I have to get to rounds with my interns, but we'll catch up in the next couple days, and I brought back some small souvenirs but still need to unpack."

"Grey, wait," Mark said, "all of you are officially invited to Joe's, my treat as bestman, as soon as Meredith and Derek have a night off."

"Olivia," Amy Lynn, called out to her, "stop eavesdropping by that cart. For once, you're getting a real scoop…except this time, you can simply say, all bets are off," she laughed.

The rest of the group smiled as they each felt genuine happiness for the newlyweds that, not so long ago, had confided in them and shared their loss, and now shared the joy impossible to conceal as the smiles on their faces and the look in their eyes revealed the depth of a love destined to unfold within a place dedicated to healing, and where each was committed to bring hope to many lives.

Derek and Meredith accepted the well meaning wishes of congratulations and happiness for a lifetime.

"Shep," Mark teased him, "go ahead, kiss the bride," he encouraged. "It wouldn't be the first time…you've shared a kiss on this floor."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Derek smiled, and leaned in to kiss her, "what do you say…do we give them more rumors to spread…"

"Only…" she said, "if you're ready to give up on that intern," she teased, and before she knew it, he'd move them slightly back from the desk and unexpectedly and playfully dipped her, delighting in her laughter, and then without breaking their gaze, pulled her body back up and captured her mouth.


	171. Chapter 171

**Ch 165 – Magical Memories**

"Mrs. Shepherd," Derek smiled, and leaned in to kiss her, "what do you say…do we give them more rumors to spread…"

"Only…" she said, "if you're ready to give up on that intern," she teased, and before she knew it, he'd move them slightly back from the desk and unexpectedly and playfully dipped her, delighting in her laughter, and then without breaking their gaze, pulled her body back up and captured her mouth.

"Shepherd," they heard an unmistakable voice, "what the hell are you doing with my intern?"

Derek felt her giggle on his lips though Meredith's reaction was still to pull away, and ignoring Miranda Bailey, he prolonged the kiss longer than intended.

"And you fools," Miranda addressed the rest of her _interns, _"this is a hospital people, we've got patients to take care of, not stand around gawking at Shepherd behaving inappropriately."

"Behaving inappropriately," Derek smiled, "it's not inappropriate to kiss my wife."

"I don't care who she is," she said, attempting not to laugh, "Shepherd, dipping people and kissing them is not what you're paid to do, and neither is she. She was supposed to be on duty since seven, not making out with her husband," she added and winked at Meredith, "you all must have had too much champagne after I left last night," she said, clearly establishing her blessings for the couple.

"I'm going now Dr. Bailey," Meredith told her, "I came in early and my interns have already had their work assigned."

"Jet lag," Miranda said, "is going to take a few days to overcome. Just make sure you get enough sleep," she said and glared at Derek.

"You know, I'm not scared of you," Derek told her, and heard the giggles and laughter behind them. "What, I'm not," he insisted as she stared him down, and he walked away mumbling, "busybody."

"I heard that," he heard as he rounded the corner of the hall before he reached his office.

"Dr. Bailey," he replied, following the amusement in her voice, "have you come to lecture some more on marital behavior?"

"Stupid man," she smirked at him, and followed him into his office.

"Miranda," he smiled, "you have something on your mind?"

"I do," she told him.

"Well?"

"How are you?"

"I'm fine. We both are."

"Must be contagious, that fine crap Meredith has down to a science," she said with a bit of sarcasm. "Derek, there's been a lot of changes in your life lately, and I think you know me well enough by now to realize I don't mince words."

"Then why are you doing so now?"

"It's about Meredith…and …"

"What about her? She's fine…she's happy."

"Let me finish," she told him. "She just lost a baby Derek, and it's going to be several weeks before her hormones are back to normal, and I know you'll keep an eye on her, but if you think she's not ok…if I need to work around her schedule, you let me know. But, it's about you too…it was your loss as well, so if you need to talk…"

"That means a lot to me," he said, reaching over and giving her a hug. "You're a good friend Miranda."

"Just as long as you don't think I'm becoming an old softie," she told him.

"Never," he said and gave her another gentle hug. "Now, tell me, how are you and Tucker and Tuckr?"

"We're as well as can be expected," she admitted, "but…I don't know…I really don't know if we're going to make it. But, baby's doing well, and that makes everything else easier to bear."

"Well…I'm here too," he said, "if you need someone to talk to."

"I know," she said, and reverting to the tough exterior, "I won't forget," walked away.

The rumor mill was at its finest, halls buzzing with innuendo within a couple of hours as Olivia had wasted no time in spreading the news, but few had seen the couple together, and that in itself created further speculation to the legitimacy of what she said. But then, as the skepticism spread and comments reached a select group of ten, they began to weave their tale and by the time Meredith and Derek met for lunch, there was very little doubt the couple had reconciled and all bets were truly off. At least, in regard to the marriage, though other bets would soon begin.

"Hey," he said, as they met outside the cafeteria doors, and he kissed her lips, "how's your day going?"

"Busy, my interns were glad to have me back, especially the ones stuck with Cristina over the weekend," she laughed, "apparently she was not in a good mood as she fought jet lag."

"Sounds like Cristina," he laughed, and they walked in holding hands.

"Mer," Izzie called out to her, "join us."

"What do you want to eat?" Derek asked her.

"Get me whatever you want," she told him, but thought better of it and called out to him, "but not too healthy."

"Mer," Cristina said to her, "you're letting him pick your food, what's next, sharing meals from the same plate?"

"Oh, they already do that," George commented.

"What…" the three women turned to him.

"It's true, they're always grabbing food from each other's plate."

"We do not," Meredith told him.

"Sure," he said.

"Bambi," Cristina smirked, "I do believe you're right. Bet Derek does it first, since Mer's going to be on guard now."

"You people really need to get a life," Meredith joked with them, "enough with the bets."

"Mer," Izzie said in a rushed tone, "quick, let me see your hand."

Meredith looked at her skeptically, "what is wrong with you?"

"Let me see your hand before those nurses walk by here."

Meredith showed her right hand, and the rest of the table occupants roared with laughter.

"Mer," Cristina said, "even I know she wants to see your left hand."

Izzie grabbed her left hand just as Nurse Debbie was approaching, "Mer, I still can't get over how romantic the proposal was, on a gondola…and the ring, it's gorgeous… and from Tiffany's…it can't be any more romantic than that."

"Dr. Grey," Debbie's curiosity got the best of her as she stopped by the table. "We've been hearing all about your wedding…we hardly knew you were engaged."

Derek reached the table at that moment and put down the tray. "Hello Debbie," Derek said in a friendly tone, addressing the nurse as he done in the past.

"Dr. Shepherd, congratulations I was just admiring Dr. Grey's ring, or is it Dr. Shepherd?"

"It's Dr. Grey," he answered, "till Meredith completes her residency."

"Well, best wishes to you both. We hear it was a last minute wedding," she said with a bit of sarcasm.

"Actually, it wasn't," he said, as he sat down, "I'd planned our engagement to be in Venice for some time, and once we were there…it didn't make a lot of sense not to get married."

"The only bad thing," Meredith said, wanting to firmly establish the strength of their relationship, "is that all our friends and family couldn't be there, but we did have some family there," she smiled, unwilling to reveal anything else, and effectively ending the conversation said, "thanks for your good wishes, we do appreciate them."

"That should give her enough gossip to spread, those busybodies," Izzie said as Debbie walked away.

"Yes," George muttered as Derek grabbed his fork and reached in Meredith's salad bowl, and they all laughed including Meredith.

"What are you all laughing at?" He asked, fork suspended midair.

"Don't pay attention to them, they're making fun that we grab food of the other's plate."

"We don't do that," he said, as he brought his fork to his mouth, and realizing what he'd done, joined in their laughter. "Uhmmm, I guess we do."

"Old boring married habits," Cristina said, "even before they were married.

"You're just jealous Cristina," Izzie told her.

"Yeah…right," Cristina smirked. "Been there…no wedding…done that."

"Yang," Derek said, "I do believe Mom may be right."

"About what?"

"When you fall…it's going to be interesting to watch."

"In your dreams Shepherd, I'm smarter than that…"

"Famous last words," he joked, and leaned over to kiss Meredith on the cheek.

"You heard Bailey, Dr. Shepherd," George joked, "that's inappropriate behavior."

"What does she know," Derek laughed, "not an ounce of romance in that woman."

"Shepherd," he heard Miranda's voice, "what were you just saying about no romance…" she glared at him, "need I remind you who made it possible for your wife to have a week off?"

"Wife?" Izzie said, "Dr. Bailey you didn't know they were going to get married."

"Stevens, when are you all going to accept that I know EVERYTHING," she said before walking way with a smile on her face, and leaving a look of doubt on the faces of the others.

"She…" Meredith said, "we didn't know we were getting married."

"Mer…where that woman's concerned," Derek told her, "I don't question what she knows."

"Derek, be serious, she could not have possibly known we'd be married, you didn't know."

Derek just shrugged, and finished eating his lunch just as his beeper went off, "got to go, I was waiting for this page, my patient's ready for surgery."

"See you at five," Meredith commented.

"Yes," he said and leaned in to kiss her and whispered something that made her giggle, and at least those in the cafeteria witnessed the unequivocal love shared by the newly married couple.

By four thirty Derek knew he would not be finished on time. "Linda," he addressed one of the familiar faces in his OR, "would you mind calling my wife," his smile was hidden behind the scrub mask, as he made emphasis on calling Meredith his wife, "and let her know I'm stuck here at least another hour, maybe longer. Tell her to take the car and I'll call her before we dock and she can come get me."

Meredith got the message and though disappointed decided to make the best of it, and had just finished changing when George walked in lounge. "George," she asked, "is your shift over?"

"Yeah and I'm off the next two days."

"George…would you help me with something, a favor really…" she said and told him what she wanted and he agreed. It was after six when George dropped Meredith off at the trailer.

Derek was barely out of the car when he saw Meredith walking over to him, "hey," she said, kissing him soundly on the mouth, "we have to hurry, drop your things off and let's go…"

"I didn't know we were going anywhere," he commented.

"We are," she said smiling, "and we're going to be gone for a few hours," she kissed him again quickly before she followed him inside and waited for him.

"Where are we going," he asked again, but she just said, "it's a surprise."

"Ah…" he smiled, "the woman that doesn't like surprises…"

"You made me change my mind…" she teased him, "just a little."

"All right then, lead the way," he said, and she pulled on his hand and headed for his land rover and got in the driver's seat.

"I didn't think you were going to make it on time," she said as she drove, "after I got your text that you were still at the hospital at five thirty."

"You're not going to tell me where we're going," he insisted.

"At least," she smiled as she glanced quickly to meet his yes, "you won't have to wait days and hours to find out we were going to Venice."

"Uhmmm…paying me back…" he joked.

"No…but I expect you will…" she teased him, "very soon," she said as she reached the spot he immediately recognized, and got out of the car, and waited for him to walk around and extended her hand to him, "are you joining me Dr. Shepherd?"

"Wherever you want to take me," he paused, his eyes perusing her body, "Dr. Grey."

"Ah…Derek…" she stopped and turned to him, "tonight…it's Mrs. Shepherd."

"Jealous," he teased her, as he lowered his mouth to hers.

"No…" she responded with an all consuming kiss. "I trust my husband."

"Your husband adores you…Meredith Grey," he said, and then followed the path where she led them to the spot where he'd brought her weeks ago to show her the site he'd picked for their home.

"I know…" she smiled.

"Mer…" he said, as he looked around, "you…how…when…why…"

"Why…" she said, "you don't like my surprise…"

"Of course I do. I love your surprise," he said, and pulled her into his arms, "it's…perfect…but when did you get a chance…"

"It's our first night, well last night was but it's different…this is our place…it holds so many memories…I wanted to make the first night…here, where our home will be...special."

"It is," he told her as he sought her gaze, "absolutely perfect," he said and kissed her softly and then hand in hand they walked toward the edge of the cliff.

"Do you remember…" she said, as he looked into his eyes, "that night you brought me here…to show me where our home would be…"

"I will always remember that," he told her, and cupped her face, "our magical night," he said, repeating the words she'd used that evening.

"Yes," she whispered against his lips.

"You made it look the same…but when…"

"George helped me, I asked him and like I told you, he drove me so I could leave the car with you and then he helped me bring the two chairs and table and the coolers over here," she smiled, "and keep away any bears while I set things up," she joked, and their laughter echoed through the ancient land, joining the sounds of nature and witnessing a spectacular display of colors on the horizon.

Weeks ago they had stood together on the same spot, marveling at the vibrant hues of the canvas that had unveiled itself before them, unaware of the bittersweet memories the spot would evoke throughout their lifetime. But now, the two lovers returned and their hearts were filled with hope. The hope found in nature's unwavering promise, that as sure as the sun had set in anticipation of a new dawn, the next morning's sunrise would pave the way for dreams fated to be fulfilled.

Derek held her, her back pressed against the length of his body, as nature's canvas disappeared from view. "I love you Meredith."

"I love you Derek," she whispered back, his arms tightening around her, and a gentle tender caress of her abdomen mourned the loss of a child, an angel they felt had forever strengthened their love for each other, and then they heard a child's mischievous giggle carried by the wind.

"I love you lots Mommy…" Meredith took a deep broken breath, "I love you lots Daddy," and he wrapped his arms around her, and both closed their eyes and inexplicably whispered, "we love you too," he said, "baby bear…" Meredith completed the sentiment and both understood it would be years before they would hear the whispers of an Angel named Brianna.

"You heard…" she said minutes after.

"I did," he said as he kissed the side of her neck, his lips lingering softly.

"She said goodbye…" Meredith said quietly.

"She said goodbye," he agreed, and turned her to face him, and in each other's reflection found healing and hope for the dreams, both knew, unequivocally, would be fulfilled.

"Derek," she said, "what do you remember most about that night?"

"You gave me hope… when you told me you were mine…for a lifetime…"

"I knew then, one of those moments when you just know what will happen, I knew …somehow I knew my dream would come true…"

"Our home here," he said, "our children…you on our porch," he kissed her softly.

"Yes…all those dreams…"

"They will Meredith," he cupped her face again, and she reached to stroke his cheek, "they will come true."

"Over there Derek," she said, pointing to where the chairs had been set up, "that's the view from our bedroom."

"Our bedroom," he said, "the one you want with a balcony with French doors the kids can't reach…and a fireplace," he repeated what she'd told him she'd like the afternoon spent with Kathleen and Lexie looking over house plans.

"Yes," she wrapped her arms around him, and smiled, "overlooking the fence to keep the bears away from our windows," and they laughed as they had not so long ago, but now hope was the constant denominator in their view of the future.

"Well, Mrs. Shepherd," he joked, "are you planning on feeding me?"

"I'm planning," she said suggestively, "on feeding your every appetite."

"So," he teased her, "I take it you didn't cook, but went to Real Foods Market."

"Ass," she swatted him playfully.

"I love you Meredith," he smiled, and his lips devoured hers.

"Diversion," she laughed.

"Not on your life," he said, and his lips began to trail kisses along her neck, and back again to nibble her lips while his hands cupped her breasts and his lips continued their journey along her body, settling at some point at the swell of her breast, and soft moans escaped her as the age old ritual began, where lovers find pleasure in fulfilling each other's desires, and Meredith and Derek lost themselves in timeless promises of love filled passion.

"Derek," she said as she rested her head on the crook of his shoulder, long after he'd wrapped their sated bodies in the blankets she'd had the foresight to bring along, and now she sat on his lap on the wooden chair.

"Uhmmm…"

"I'm hungry…"

"Again…" he teased her, "Mer…I don't think I can …" he joked with her, as his renewed desire was evident as her naked body pressed against him.

"Well…" she smiled, "I'd say it's fair bet you can," she teased, "but I want food first...I'm starving."

"Food trumps sex…" he joked.

"Sex trumped food already," she laughed.

He reached for their discarded clothing, and soon after were enjoying their meal.

"So," he said, "this is what you had in mind when you said you wanted to spend the night at the trailer tonight."

"Actually…I didn't think of this till you were stuck in surgery…I mean, I knew we'd spend the night at the trailer. But when I realized I'd have a little time alone, this just seemed right...to do something for you…after all you've done for me…the gifts…and the trip…and our wedding…"

"Hey," he stopped her, "this is not…"

"Derek," she said, and kissed him softly, "I wanted to…needed to do something for you too. For us, and this I thought would be nice…coming back here…another magical night between us."

"This," he said, kissing her, "tonight, without a doubt…another magical night."

"We should do this again," she smiled.

"Count on it…" he smiled, that smile reserved exclusively for her, and her heart skipped a beat in anticipation, and again he captured her lips and as the evening progressed, their banter and laughter would lead to tender and passion filled caresses. The silence of the night the only witness to the ecstasy of their surrender, creating new memories on the site that would be their home, the site where all their dreams would be fulfilled.


	172. Chapter 172

_Thanks to each of you for your comments on the last chapter and sorry I took so long to update. Work's been beyond hectic, and add to that a Grey's Non Mer Der wedding and couple one shots to fill in the gaps, didn't leave much time to write a new chapter._

_The post it note, a sweet and touching prelude, to a binding wedding it seems we are unlikely to get according to Shonda Rhimes, so, at least, I'm glad that in this story, Meredith and Derek have always spoken of promises to each other as they traveled on their journey of healing to marriage – a legal marriage._

_This chapter helped me get back to the mood where the last one left off, and on track for weekly updates. Next few chapters will round off the their first week back home and then skip a week, and then their first month anniversary where yes, for those of you who've asked, you'll see what Derek ordered for Meredith when he went back to the jewelers in Venice and what she bought him during their day trip to Lugano._

**Ch 166 – Morning mist memories**

"Uhmmm…" he responded as her hand gently caressed his cheek right before he felt her lips on his.

"Good morning," she said upon his lips, kissing him softly again.

"Can't be morning yet," he mumbled, his eyes still closed, and then added with a smile, "we just went to sleep."

"That," she said, brushing his lips again, "was hours ago."

He opened one eye, "it's still dark."

"It's beautiful out…"

Suddenly becoming more alert, he opened both eyes to look at her, "what's wrong with you…you're never this peppy when you wake up."

"Jet lag," she smiled, and from the sitting position on the edge of his side of the bed, leaned her body closer to him, "my body clock is saying it's one in the afternoon."

"You've already been out?" He asked, noticing she was dressed in a warm up suit.

"Yes," she smiled. "I sat outside and watched the mist rising off the lake…but I missed you …wanted to share it with you, our first morning here…married."

"Uhmmm…" he said remembering their conversation long ago, as they stood longing for each other and the memories they shared on the bridge looking over the mountains at Seattle Grace, "you always understood."

"It was you…" she smiled, melancholy misting her gaze, "this place…the view…"

"And you," he said, and reached to place his hand on the back of her neck and brought her face close to his, her lips to his, "it was always the thought of you…here…only with you did it feel perfect."

"Really…" she said, unable to hide a trace of doubt, "even when I wasn't…when she…"

"Always," he responded by capturing her mouth, and then when they pulled away from an unexpectedly tender kiss, "especially then…when you weren't here."

"I'm always going to be here," she smiled, "from now on…I will always be here."

"Dr. Grey," he smiled mischievously, "are you mocking me?"

"It's Mrs. Shepherd," she teased, "and that's our promise, one of our promises to each other…to always be there."

"It is," he agreed, and pulled her into bed with him in one swift motion. "No running. No avoiding. Ever."

"Derek," she said, and shifted slightly to lay on top of him, running her hands through his hair, "we've done well…living up to our promises…"

"Uhmm…" he teased, nibbling at her lips, "like what?"

"Remember, our last morning here?"

"Before our trip," he said, as his lips captured hers and before long they forgot everything but the pleasure of their tongues, slowly at first, then a bit more urgently, enticing the other.

He came awake slowly, sensing someone was watching him and smiled. "Role reversal?" he joked as he looked at her lying on her side facing him.

"I like watching you sleep," she smiled as she reached to entwine their hands.

"You can't call me names anymore," he said leaning in to brush her lips with his, "when I watch you sleep."

"I don't call you names," she argued, trying to hide a smile.

"Weirdo," he said, "weirdo is name calling," and tickled her playfully.

"I was wrong," she giggled, "I was…no tickling."

He pulled her into his embrace, and nuzzled her neck, "why are you up before me again, it's still barely dawn."

"Told you, jet lag," she said kissing him, "and…"

"And…" he smiled.

"I made breakfast for you, either in bed…or outside…" she offered.

"It's just past five," he told her after glancing at the clock, "and my wife has cooked me breakfast," he joked with her.

"Don't get to used to it," she laughed, "after I get back to Seattle time zones, I fully expect you will once again become…"

He interrupted her, "your kissing alarm clock," he teased.

"Yes."

"I don't have any problem with that," he said upon her lips.

"You really remembered."

"Of course I do, I told you…I remember everything about us," he looked at her, and could almost hear her train of thought, "and so do you, even if you like to pretend I'm the only mushy and sentimental one."

"Everything about us," she said, "it's pretty hard to forget…I don't ever want to forget."

"You won't," he assured her, fully understanding her fears and the need to address them.

"Derek," she said, snuggling closer against him. "I don't mind being mushy and sentimental…about us."

"Ah…she admits it," he teased her, "and I love that you are, but also beautiful and sexy…and," he joked, "a wonderful cook," and their laughter echoed through the place where they'd first discovered love.

It would be almost ninety minutes before the sun would rise, and another hour before they headed toward the ferry boat dock to reach the hospital, hopefully, right before seven. The evidence of the breakfast she'd prepared on the tray beside them on the deck.

"Derek," she said, and he sensed the smile on her lips before she looked up to him, from her position as she lay nestled in his arms on the wooden chair, a blanket around them to ward off the cold morning, "we skipped engagement sex…" and she burst out laughing as he whispered in her ear and they reminisced about the honeymoon.

"But," he said, "we certainly made up for it…wouldn't you say…last night, this morning…engagement…honeymoon…welcome home…sex."

"Oh…we did," she agreed and kissed him soundly and proceeded to remind him of how much she had enjoyed their homecoming."

"And…" he said, shifting uncomfortably, "unless you want to freeze your ass off, stop what you're doing and let's finish this inside."

"I've never been afraid of the …cold…" she taunted, "remember…the first time we sat here…watching the mist rising off the lake just like now…" she kissed his neck.

"No you haven't," he laughed, "but, I'm getting old, and prefer the warm bed inside."

"My old panther," she teased, and felt his hands pushing her to get up, and when she did, he grabbed her and carried her to the door.

"Want to test that theory…" he said, lifting an eyebrow.

"Think I've got pretty good evidence…you rise to the occasion."

"Don't forget it," he told her, as she reached to open the door to the trailer.

"How many times are you going to carry me across the threshold," she smiled, and kissed him deeply.

"Uhmmm…" he responded, without really answering as he carried her to the bed and lay her down before covering her body with his.

"A quickie," she said, "that's all we have time for…we have to…"

"Till tonight…" he silenced her with a kiss.

Later they basked briefly in the afterglow of mutual satisfaction, "we have to get going Derek," she said, and trailed kisses on his chest before reaching his mouth, "as it is, I'm pushing it this morning, and will probably be ten minutes late."

"I'll drop you off at the entrance," he said.

"And what," she laughed, "save me two minutes?"

"Better than nothing…"

"It's not the first time I'm late," she said, "though I hope Dr. Bailey is not there, because she would be right to be mad," she rambled, "after all the time she gave me off…and now to get there late, I mean…I we won't even dock till almost six fifty, so it is pushing it."

"Don't worry about it…" he said with a cocky attitude, "I'm still her boss."

"Yeah right," she laughed, "and she still scares all of us."

"Speak for yourself," he laughed.

"I love you," she said, as she gave him one last kiss and jumped out of bed to get ready.

"Hey," he pulled on her arm before letting her get away, "I love you too."

The sunrise was still hidden in the horizon and she leaned back into him, as they stood on the deck of the ferry. "What are you thinking," he whispered in her ear.

"You think you know me so well," she smiled.

"I do."

"Uhmm."

He nuzzled her neck, breathing in the lavender scent of her hair, "it's good…I know…"

"Really," she teased, and laughed softly.

"You're thinking about sex," he told her.

"That's not all I think about you know."

"Yeah…but you are now," he said and continued to whisper in her ear, making her wish they were alone and not in public.

"You're not going to last till tonight," she joked, pressing her body closer to his, "if you keep this up…no pun intended."

"You mean," he said, as his hands moved from her waist to her hips, caressing her, "you're not…and you're going to be paging me to an on call room…"

"Derek Shepherd, I'm a respectable married woman now, and I don't want to be the subject for gossip all over the hospital."

"Mer," he teased, "I think we pretty much have to give up on that, we're always going to be gossip."

"You are so cocky…"

"I'm realistic, there's no way in hell we aren't going to end up in an on call room…at some point…it's us Mer."

"Ass…"

Hey…just because…it's the truth," he defended.

"Thank God," she smiled and brought his arms to wrap around her again.

"So, are you going to tell me what you were thinking?"

"Maybe…"

"Stop teasing…" he kissed the curve of her neck.

"I was thinking," she said and turned to face him, wrapping her arms around his neck, "that we really have lived up to all our promises…almost…"

"Almost," he questioned.

She played with the curls on the back of his neck, "uhmm…"

"Mer…"

"Sex slave…" she said with a deadpan expression, in exactly the same way she had done the last day they rode the ferry boat.

"That's," he said smiling, "exactly what you said…last time we were on here."

"Uh huh…"

"Mer…" he said, this time it was he with the mischievous smile, "I think…I failed, as sex slave."

"What…" she said, her expression incredulous, "Derek…I've been teasing…I have…I didn't mean…" she tried to explain; afraid she'd bruised his ego.

"Mer," he said, as he realized she may be upset, and kissed her softly, "I'm teasing you too…I was going to say," he continued, thinking it safe to be playful, "how can I be your sex slave…when you've tamed the beast…"

"Tamed…" she said, her mouth opened slightly, "you think…I meant to tame…I don't want to tame…"

"Do you," he said, his gaze meeting hers as he pressed their bodies intimately against each other, his arousal evident, "really believe…our passion can be tamed?"

"Derek," she smiled, "never…" and her arms tightened around his neck, hugging him as though she never intended to let him go, "I love you…I love you so much."

They remained in each other's embrace in silence for several minutes before he spoke.

"The sun is rising," he said and kissed the top of her head, as they both enjoyed watching the bright colors welcoming a new day, "guess no more flirting till tonight."

"Or an on call room."

"That would not be flirting," he told her, two sensuous gazes meeting the other.

"No," she smiled, "it wouldn't be."

"We should get going," he said as they approached the dock, and reached for her hand as they walked to the car.

"Derek," she said as they waited to drive off the ferry boat, "are you seeing Kelly today?"

"I am, this afternoon at three."

"Will you page me before they leave, I'd like to see her."

"Mer," he reached for her hand, "you can see her next week. I'm going to see her weekly for the next month."

"I'd like to see her today."

"Mer…"

"I'm ok," she said and squeezed his hand, "I am."

"I'll page you when they get to my office," he agreed. "That will give you a bit of time in case you're busy when they get there."

"Thank you," she said and brought his hand to her lips, where they lingered briefly.

"By the way," he said, "as much as I love being at the trailer, I think the next few days we should spend in town, you can't really be late all week and the ferry schedule is just cutting it too short docking at six fifty five."

"You are scared of Bailey," she laughed.

"No," he told her, "you know a resident can't get away with that every day."

"I know," she admitted, though she smiled. "I'd already thought we'd need to spend the nights in town, well just tonight and tomorrow, I'm on for forty eight hours after that."

"I think Miranda was being a softie with your schedule," he told her.

"Seriously? With a forty –eight hour shift my first week back?"

"But…think of it, you have Saturday and Sunday off, you don't go back till Monday morning."

"Derek, I'm off Saturday, but not Sunday."

"Look at your schedule again," he told her of their conversation the day before, and that before he'd gone home the night before, he'd run into Miranda and she'd told him she had to rearrange her schedule and was sure Grey wouldn't mind.

"She's being an old softie."

"Mer, don't let her hear you say that."

"I know…" she laughed, "it's the softie she objects to."

"Derek, since you don't need to be here so early, would you mind getting the presents we brought for Kelly and Sean, I left everything by the chair in the bedroom."

They made it to the hospital in record time and as soon as he pulled into the hospital parking lot, he said, "meet me at the nurse's station in about an hour, after I go by the house I'll bring you coffee from Starbucks."

"Ok," she smiled, and as his car pulled to a stop at the front of the hospital leaned quickly over to kiss him and rushed to get to the resident's lounge.

Unfortunately, the fact that Derek drove away and some had witnessed no more than a light peck on the cheek, would soon give way to new and unfounded gossip.

"Grey," she heard the unmistakable sarcasm, "nice of you to join us."

"Sorry Dr. Bailey, the ferry docked a few minutes late."

"You'd think," Miranda looked at her, never betraying the sense of motherly protectiveness she felt for her group of five interns, "after all the efforts that have been made on your behalf, so you could enjoy your honeymoon, you'd make it here on time."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey. It won't happen again."

"Right," Miranda scoffed, and began to discuss the assignments for the day. "Grey, a word with you," she said when she had finished speaking.

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

"All of you, get to work," Miranda told them as some residents, including her friends made no attempt to move.

"Dr. Bailey, I am sorry, I told Derek, we're staying in town…the rest of the week that is, we didn't really think about it when we went out last night…"

"Meredith, stop rambling."

"Yes, ma'am."

"You've been rescheduled this weekend," she said gruffly.

Meredith couldn't hide her smile.

"You're smiling? You don't know what I've done yet, maybe you have to come in to work on Saturday now as well."

"Well…" Meredith started to say.

"Oh… wait…I forget, McDreamy can't keep his mouth shut."

"Dr…" Meredith spoke quietly, "Miranda," she decided she needed to thank her on a personal level, "Derek and I…we both appreciate your thoughtfulness."

"I'm not going soft."

"I know."

"You do need to take care of yourself," Miranda told her, "and if you need to take it easy, let me know or go see Dr. Cameron."

"I'm ok," she told her, "but if I'm not, I'll tell you."

"All right then," Miranda Bailey adopted her hard ass stance again, "get changed and get to work, you're already much too late."

"Miranda," Meredith smiled, "you're a good friend."

"Remember that," she said, "when you're babysitting Tuck for a full weekend."

"What?" Meredith said petrified of the idea.

"Relax Grey, I wouldn't trust Shepherd with my child."

"Well," Meredith said in defense of her husband, "that's not fair, you know…me or Cristina, I get…but Derek…he's trustworthy with kids."

"Probably have him fishing in that lake of his at the crack of dawn," she quipped and walked out with a serious face that turned to a satisfied grin when she was out of sight.

"Crap," Meredith said out loud thinking of the gift they'd brought for the young boy, and quickly changed into her scrubs, and rushed to meet with her interns in the locker room.

"Dr. Grey," one of her two women interns said, "before we leave, well, we…yesterday, we didn't know you'd gotten married, but we heard rumors and then George said it was true, so we got you something…we don't make a lot of money and it's not a lot, but George said you and Dr. Shepherd would like this," she said and handed her a gift bag.

"Megan," Meredith smiled as she took the bag from her, "all of you, thank you, this is very thoughtful," and opened the bag and turned to glare at George.

"Oh, no," Lucy the other intern said as she saw her reaction, "George you lied to us, you said it would be sentimental for them."

"No, he didn't," Meredith smiled, "I just didn't know he had a sense of humor," she taunted, "but he was right. Derek will certainly appreciate the thought behind it."

"We didn't mean any offense Dr. Grey," Megan told her, "George said, well we all know how you and Dr. Shepherd met and we didn't mean…"

"No offense taken," she said, as she took lifted a bottle of tequila and single malt scotch from the bag, "and you got the good kind."

"Well, that's because George put in most of the money so we could afford it."

"And I really do appreciate it, and he was right, it is a gift with sentimental value. Derek and I met a Joe's, and that's what we drank that night," she said, hoping to put an end to any other embellished gossip.

"George," she said, "would you mind dropping this off with Derek," she said, and handed him the bag, "even if you have to carry it around all day till you find him," she whispered.

"You're mad," he asked.

"Not really," she said, "but you can still carry the bag around for feeding the rumor mill."

"Mer," he smiled, as he walked next to her, realizing she was not mad at all, "everybody knows about it."

"To think Derek and I are delusional enough to believe our kids won't hear that story."

"Delusional is right."

"Hey, Bambi," she said good naturedly, "you're not supposed to agree with me."

"You're my boss, Mer," he joked, and she swatted him playfully before she walked away, "yeah…don't forget it."

Meredith timed her early morning schedule to coincide perfectly with Derek at the nurse's station.

"Hey," he grinned as they walked up to the desk simultaneously, and kissed her before placing the four cup coffee holder on the counter.

"Dr. Shepherd," she said, for his years only, "do you kiss all the residents?"

"Not unless I want my wife to kill me," he smiled, handing her a cup of coffee," she's quite jealous."

"It's only that intern, Dr. Grey, she dislikes," she teased and they laughed as the small crowd at the station watched.

"Good morning ladies," he said, "coffee's for you, chocolate in the bag is for Lisette."

"Thanks Dr. Shepherd," Lisette told him, "it's just what I've been craving," she said and immediately regretted what she said, thinking of how Meredith would feel.

"That is good to know Lisette," Meredith said immediately noticing her withdrawal, "now I won't have to second guess if you'll like the souvenirs we got for each of you."

"Dr. Grey," Amy Lynn said, "you didn't need to do that, for goodness sakes, you were on your honeymoon."

"That's what I told her," Derek smiled, "but she insisted we couldn't come home empty handed, though I was able to convince her nobody would expect us to be shopping, and it was ok if what we got was the same for everyone."

"Amy Lynn's right Dr. Grey…Dr. Shepherd," Stephanie chimed in as she grabbed a cup of coffee, "there was no need to bring anything."

"I really just wanted to spend his money," Meredith joked before she asked for several charts, ensuring she could do some work at the same time.

Derek looked at her and frowned, "don't let her fool you. She hates to shop, and I practically had to force her, well, not for the souvenirs but for things for herself."

"Well," Tracy said as she came up to the counter, she had been in the back office on a phone call, "it great to see you both here this morning, so I can tell you all at the same time."

"What's going on Tracy?" Amy Lynn asked. "You and McSteamy..."

"Amy Lynn, you flirting with me again?" Mark drawled as he walked behind Tracy and put his hand on the small of her back.

"I think," Tracy said conspiratorially, "we should definitely initiate another GS bet."

"What…" they heard the echo of four voices as Meredith, Derek, Stephanie and Lisette spoke simultaneously.

"Do tell," Amy Lynn encouraged.

"Yes," Mark smiled, "do tell."

"It seems," she smiled, "the rumored Grey-Shepherd marriage may not be real," she editorialized, "after all it was in a foreign country, how do we even know it's valid," she laughed.

"Unbelievable," Lisette said, "don't people have anything better to do."

"It gets better," Tracy said, "apparently, there's already trouble in paradise, because this morning, McDreamy," she paused, "sorry, that's what I was told, "dropped Dr. Grey off and they barely looked at each other, and she leaned over to peck his cheek and he said something that made her got out of the car angrily and he stormed out of the parking lot."

"I did what?"

"He did what?" Meredith said and she looked over to Derek and both broke out in laughter as he put his arm around her waist and brought her close to him.

"I think," Amy Lynn said, "we should have some fun."

"A woman after my own heart," Mark smiled at Tracy, "what do you have in mind?"

"Forget it," Derek said, "we're not doing this."

"Come on Shep, let us have some fun."

"There's been enough rumors and bets about us," Derek said, "without having to fabricate them," he said and continued to hear Mark's arguments why they should.

"This," Meredith said, as she reviewed the last chart, "is entertaining, but, I have work to do," and turned to Derek. "Don't forget to page me."

"I won't," he said, and she let him kiss her without any hesitation, even if they had a mixed audience, their friends and the ever present and annoying gossip mongers.

"Not so fast Grey," Mark said, "at least, let us have some fun brining the bets to an end, you know all the pending ones…before you left, and we get together at Joe's tonight."

"Mark," Derek started to protest.

"Shep, you already agreed, we need a celebration, make it official…at Joe's, my treat."

"We agreed we'd look at our schedule."

"We know Grey's on for forty eight hours, and then off for the weekend…" Mark said.

"How do you know that?" Derek asked.

"My business to know everything," Mark smirked. "How about tonight," he insisted, "just think we could put an end to all the rumors about you being married."

"Why do I think you have an ulterior motive?"

"Shep, you're so un trusting."

"You know what," Meredith said, "tonight's great, and you're right Mark, I do want an end to all these rumors, and let everybody know," she teased Derek as she had before they left on their, at the time she'd thought, proposal trip," he's off the market."

"Great," Mark said, "I'll take care of it. We'll see you at seven," he said and remained talking to the Fab4 as Derek and Meredith walked away.

"Can't believe you agreed," Derek said as they walked side by side.

"I want this behind us," she said as she stopped in the middle of the hall to look at him, "you are my husband, and it's about time everybody knows and stops with the ridiculous gossip."

"Meredith," he smiled, "I love bossy …but jealous," he said as he pushed her gently against the wall, freeing the hall for others to walk around them, and leaned into her "it's hot…I love jealous…"

She smiled, a seductive playful smile, "I love…all of you," and surprising him with the unusual display of affection in spite of the inevitable spectators around them, she brought her mouth to his and kissed him before walking away, leaving him smiling and counting the hours till he could be alone with her again.


	173. Chapter 173

**Ch 167 – An angel's goodbye **

Derek had two scheduled surgeries before his afternoon with patient follow up appointments, and there was little time left for the newlyweds to run into each other during the rest of the day.

Meredith joined her friends for lunch and shared a few laughs about the morning's hospital gossip. She'd purposely kept her break to thirty minutes in order to spend the time with Kelly later in the afternoon.

"So, Mer," Cristina said, "you and McDreamy are really going to join us, take a break from doing the nasty nasty?"

"Who says," Meredith told her with a deadpan expression, "we're going to take a break at Joe's…there's always the bathroom…"

"Oh no," George said covering his ears, "I don't carry earplugs."

"Ah…Mer," Cristina said, "we don't really want to know that."

"Then why did you ask?"

"Bitch," Cristina said, the banter easily accepted between the two friends.

"C'mon Cristina…Mer…" Izzie chimed in, "it's going to be a happy occasion."

"Dude, Shepherd won't have any complaints for damn sure," he spoke in between bites of his lunch. "In fact bet it …"

"Alex Karev," Meredith said, "you make one more bet about us and you're going to have to start looking for a place to live."

"Good," Izzie said, "he can go find his Ava…and George can move back in."

"Shut it Bethany," Alex glared at her.

"Listen evil spawn…"

"Enough! Enough! All of you," Meredith reprimanded. "We're going to celebrate my wedding…so stop with all your immature…"

"Mer," Cristina interrupted her, "you've been gone too long, this is normal."

Meredith looked at her and then laughed, "I guess you're right, not to mention calling him McDreamy."

"Temporary lapse in judgment," Cristina mumbled.

"Cristina…" Meredith smiled, "he has been."

"Yeah…yeah," the usually sarcastic friend answered, and the attempt to hide a smile did not go unnoticed by Meredith who mouthed "thank you" to her.

"This is cozy," Mark Sloan drawled as he walked up to the group of five, "isn't it," he said looking over at Lexie who had walked in beside him.

"Perfect," Lexie said enthusiastically, "everything's set for tonight, guys you just have to get there, and everybody that needed to be included has been invited."

"Lex…" Meredith asked her, "just who is everybody…this was just supposed to be…"

"Grey," Mark interrupted her, "leave it to us, you and Shep just have to be there."

"Mark this is not supposed to…"

"Save it," Mark told her, "I'm the best man, think of it as the bachelor party we didn't have for Shep…" he smiled, that wicked grin he knew would get a rise out of her.

"Oh no," Meredith groaned, "I should have known."

"Mer," Lexie told her, "don't pay any attention to him, he's just trying to save face, since he's been all sentimental and…"

"Xena," Mark said, "no more talking. Let's join Tracy, you can talk to her about it."

"I'll be back," Lexie said to the occupants of the table, "when Mer's gone."

"I'm still here Lexie, I can hear you."

"I know," she smiled, and Mark pushed her along.

Meredith watched her sister and Mark walk away and indeed join Tracy, and wondered just how she was supposed to disregard the nagging, knowing feeling that just wouldn't go away. She'd just have Derek deal with it and talk to Mark if necessary.

Preoccupied with reviewing a case with one of her interns, Meredith was reminded it was already three o'clock when her phone vibrated, and after seeing the text she smiled.

-love you

-derek?

-teasing me… now?

-prelude lol

-can't wait

-love you too

-mulligans here exam room 3

-meet you now?

-20 min just walk in

-ok

There was a soft knock on the door exactly twenty five minutes later before Meredith walked in quietly. Kelly was sitting on the examining table talking away, "someone wanted to see you," Derek smiled without turning away from the little girl.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly exclaimed, as her parents smiled, "you're back."

"I am," Meredith smiled, "and I wanted to say hello."

"Now we can go to the twailer," she said happily.

Derek glanced at Meredith and motioned for her to move closer, and she did as she smiled at John and Colleen on the other side of the examining table, but first placed two gift bags on the nearby counter by the sink.

"Married life suits you," Colleen smiled at her, "you look radiant."

"My husband," she smiled back, "has been spoiling me."

"Dr. Mewedith, I've gots two secrets," Kelly interrupted wanting all of Meredith's attention.

"You do?" Meredith said, all attention focused on the little girl.

"Yep…" she giggled, "a big and a little secret."

"Are you going to tell me," Meredith smiled as she ran a hand over Kelly's dark hair.

"You already knows," Kelly giggled again.

"Oh," Meredith played right along with her, "you mean that you were a very good girl while we were away and listened to all Mommy and Daddy asked you to do."

"No," she grinned.

"Really, that's why I thought Dr. Shep was smiling."

"No," she whispered conspiratorially in a most childishly delightful way.

"Do I guess again," Meredith asked her, and felt Derek's hand reach for hers.

"You're not Dr. Shep's girlfriend."

"I'm not," Meredith acted surprised, "and he didn't tell me."

"You gots married," she grinned.

"Ah, you found out our secret," Meredith smiled, "did Dr. Shep tell you that?"

"Don't be silly, I asked him if he gots married, like Mommy and Daddy, cause he's wearing a ring, just like Daddy," she beamed as though it was the most logical thing in the world.

"He didn't do a very good job of keeping the secret did he Kelly," Meredith joked.

"It's just a little secret," Kelly told her, "cause I already knows about it. Mommy and Daddy told Nana and I heard them and then Angela called and talked to Mommy and she said Antonio was going to buy a bottle of pain for you cause you and Dr. Shep gots married," she paused before continuing, "and I asked mommy why she wanted you to have a bottle of pain but she laughed at me and said I was too little to say the word but that you would really like it…did you like it?"

"We loved it. It was a wonderful bottle of champagne."

"That's what Daddy told mommy that it was very expensive and good pain…"

"Don't," Derek said trying to keep from laughing at Kelly's ramble, "let them spend any time together," and the three adults laughed while Meredith turned to glare at him in mock offense.

"Little pitchers…" John said, "honey…you keep forgetting."

"Daddy, you're so silly, you say that all the time," and surprising both Meredith and Derek, she actually knew the rest of the quote, "but I don't see no pitchers with ears."

"Out of the mouth of babes," Derek laughed.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly said seriously, "do only old people like you talk like that?"

"Old people," Derek asked her, "you think I'm old."

"Of course," she stated matter of fact, "Daddy and Nana Maggie and Paddy and…"

"We got it, sweetie," John Mulligan smiled.

"Wait," Derek smiled, "how about Meredith, she's not old?"

"She's beautiful…like Mommy."

"Thank you Kelly," Colleen told her.

"I love you Mommy," she smiled.

"Don't look at me," John exchanged a look with Derek, "I'm still trying to figure it out."

"Daddy," Kelly looked over at him, "I love you too, but you gots to be old."

"I do?"

"Just like Dr. Shep, cause daddies are old so they can have little kids…like me…and Sean and now that Dr. Shep and Dr. Mewedith are married they can have babies and I can play with them."

"That's right Kelly," Meredith said, certain that Kelly's vision of the future would indeed be their reality one day, and kissed her cheek tenderly, "when Dr. Shep and I have babies, you and Sean can play with them."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said suddenly very excited, "I forgots…did Dr. Shep buy you a ring like my mommy's…cause her rings are beautiful and did he get a rock…that's what my grandma calls it …but it's so funny cause it's a diamond…"

"Yes, he did," she said, and smiled wondering if one day, when Derek and she had a daughter she'd be as chatty as Kelly, and showed her the rings she wore, "what do you think, is it a pretty rock?"

"OH…it's beautiful," she grabbed her hand, "pwetty just like mommy's."

"Well I'm glad you like it, I thought it was very beautiful too."

"Dr. Shep, did you pick it out all by yourself?"

"I did," he said, somewhat confused by the question.

"Cause Daddy, he had to help Uncle Mike, cause Daddy said he damn well,"

"Kelly," her father said, "we don't use that word."

"Daddy, I'm not using the word, I pwomise… just saying what you said…"

"Oh God," Colleen mumbled, "here goes."

"He said, he better get a nice ring cause he was already in deep," she paused, and within seconds continued, "cwap with grandma and grandpa cause he and my auntie, that's mommy's sister, they gots a baby before they got married, right Daddy?"

"Mer…" Derek laughed, "don't ever say a word in front of our babies…"

"Dr. Shep," Kelly opened her eyes wide, "you're having a baby?"

"No sweetie," Derek said, "we just got married…"

"But auntie Shannon, she gots married after she gots a baby in her tummy."

"Kelly, honey," her mother interrupted, "why don't you let Dr. Shepherd finish examining you and then we can go home and we can watch that new movie we got."

"Mommy…he already finished, don't you remember," she asked so adult like, this time all four adults laughed.

"Dr. Shep," Meredith asked, "did Kelly follow all your instructions, and she's healing nicely?"

"She's doing great and her mom and dad told me she was a very good girl."

"So, do you think we should give her the gift we brought her?"

"Dr. Mewedith," she raised her voice, "you gots me a gift?"

"We did…"

"What is it?"

"Meredith," Colleen said, "there was no need…"

"There was," Meredith smiled, "we wanted to," and the two smiled in mutual understanding that the bonds of a budding friendship would last beyond their own lifetime.

"Young lady," Derek said coming closer to her, "before you get your gift, you have to remember all we talked about…everything you have to do when you go home?"

"Yes…Dr. Shep…" she said a bit impatient, though she still flashed him an enchanting smile. "I can't pick up my baby brother, and I have to do everything that Mommy and Daddy and the grown ups tell me and I've got to rest when they tells me."

"Very good…I'm very proud of you, you did everything I asked you and that's why you're healing so much faster than I thought…"

"Does that mean I can visit the twailer…can I …" she asked ignoring Derek, "Dr. Mewedith can I visit now that you're back?"

"Derek…" Meredith turned to him and raised her eyebrow.

"Kelly, you will be able to visit us pretty soon, but when you do, I want you to be able to have a really good time and right now you still need to rest a bit…and the nurse that's with you every day she will help you with your exercises so you can be better much faster."

"Ok…but…we'll do bubbles," she said as though that would it worth the wait.

"Absolutely, all the bubbles and all the running around you want," he assured her.

"After we come back…I can go to the twailer and have the barbie?"

"We'll see…ok…when you come back we'll see if you're healed completely, and I will tell you how much longer we have to wait so you come visit the trailer and we have a barbecue."

"But I feel good, jut like I tolds you, only a little pain and Mommy gives me medicine."

"I know you do, but we just have to wait till I see you again, ok?"

"Can I get my present now?" She changed the subject in typical childlike subject retention.

"Yes," he said and walked over to grab the bags on the counter and gave it to Meredith. She'd asked him to pick up what they'd brought back when he dropped her off this morning, and then he'd gone to the hospital gift shop and bought two bags to place them in.

"Kelly," she said, "let' see, there's two gifts here…one is for Sean," and took out a set of handmade wooden blocks from the boyish baby bag Derek had selected.

"My baby brother will love them," she smiled, "he likes to put blocks on top of each other and then knock them down."

"Well, I bet you can help him build lots of things," Derek said.

"I can…and I gots to teach him not to knock them down, cause he's gonna be art…something," she said dismissively when unable to pronounce architect, "just like Daddy."

"This," Meredith said as she handed her the very pink girlish bag, and taking a very small gift envelope, "is from Angela and Antonio for you, a get well present."

"Look Mommy, just like the little bag that Daddy brought you from his trip," she said referring to the traditional European mini bags with the small satin ribbons.

"It is," her mother said, caressing the little girl's locks as she stood behind her, amazed and grateful of her daughter's incredible recuperation, "let's see what Angela sent you."

"Oh, Mommy it's beautiful," she said as the small gold bracelet slipped into her hand.

"It certainly is," Colleen agreed, "do you want to wear it now?"

"Yes, please," she said and waited patiently for her mother to fasten the clasp.

"Just like a big girl, wearing a shiny gold bracelet," she said as she smiled at her little girl's delight over the thin bracelet with four tiny corals interspersed on her daughter's wrist.

"Mommy we have to call Angela so I can tell her I love the bwacelet…"

"And say thank you," her mother reminded her.

"Thank you Dr. Mewedith…for bringing it to me."

"You're welcome," she said and hesitated before giving her the other present, second guessing her choice and not even sure now if the little girl would even like it.

Derek noticed her uncertainty as she bit her bottom lip, and stood behind her, resting his hand on her hip, "Kelly, would you like to see your other present."

"Oh yes…please…"

He caressed her hip ever so gently, and said, "go on, show her."

"Kelly," she said as she took out a box from the bag, "it's just a little something that made me think of you…Dr. Shep and I were walking around and we saw this…and I thought…maybe you'd like it… and I don't know too many little girls…in fact, you're really the only little girl I know…but I think…little girls like to…"

"Meredith," Derek said softly, "let her open it."

"Oh…yes, here, you can open it," she said, and Colleen helped her open the box and lifted an exquisitely detailed animated reproduction of a miniature carousel with colorfully decorated horses that also included a lion and smiling children atop the animals, and a little girl wearing a beautiful dress and hat covering her dark long curls sat smiling atop a zebra. The light and dark blue circus like tarp completed the decorative cover graced by a blue elephant on the top.

"Oh my goodness," the little girl almost whispered, "Dr. Mewedith, cawousels are my favorite…and you gave me my very own…I love riding the cawousel"

Meredith eyes watered, amazed at the happiness she saw in Kelly's eyes, but unprepared for the words that followed, when she had to lean back gently against Derek for support.

Kelly face beamed as she began to touch each of the small figurines, and then said, "my friend Bwianna, she likes cawousel's too, but she doesn't like horses, she likes lions," she said innocently, "cause she said her mommy likes lions too," and a small gasp escaped both Meredith and Derek.

"Honey," Colleen said, concerned with her daughter's obsession with the imaginary, yet more often than not she wasn't quite so sure was so imaginary. "You didn't tell me that."

"Cause Mommy, she only told me last night," she said, "when I was going to sleep, and she told me a secret."

"Look Mommy, Daddy…it goes around," she said, as she heard a familiar tune, when Meredith wound the mechanism that brought the carousel to life.

"It does," John said, "you haven't said thank you, and it's a very thoughtful beautiful gift."

"Thank you…Dr. Mewedith…Dr. Shep…it's the most beautiful carousel I ever saw."

"You're welcome Kelly," Derek smiled, while glancing over at Meredith.

"Are you going to tell us the secret," her mother asked.

"No silly, cause it won't be a secret."

"Dr. Shepherd," John said, "we're a bit concerned."

"It's not unusual John, for kids to talk to," he mouthed, "_imaginary _friends."

"It's been more than that," John argued.

"Honey," Colleen placed her hand on his arm, "it's ok. It's a dream."

"Mommy, no, it was not a dream," Kelly said emphatically, "and she told me a secret," she continued to be enthralled by the carousel.

"Why don't you tell Mommy, please. While I put this away so we can take it home."

"I tell Dr. Mewedith only."

"Mer," Derek whispered, "are you ok?" He asked, and all the answer he got was a light squeeze of the hand he held.

"Kelly," she moved closer to her, "you can tell me," and she leaned down as the little girl began what she thought was a whisper to her ear, but was heard by all.

"She told me she had been a bad girl," she giggled, "no, wait…a naughty angel, and her grandma and grandpa told her she had to stay with them all the time, so she had to say goodbye," Derek inched closer, placing his hand on the small of Meredith's back offering the emotional support she needed, "but she was always going to be close cause she was my angel for always…"

"She said all that," Meredith smiled at her.

"She did Dr. Mewedith…she did…but she can't come back no more, but she's going to be my friend forever and ever…and that's a long time…like from here to the moon…"

"Yes, it is," Meredith told her, "and I believe she will be…and that she's your special angel friend."

"That's what she said," Kelly beamed, "and I can tell you her secret."

"Why don't you do that," Meredith encouraged.

"She said" and her voice was quieter, "to give Dr. Mewedith and Dr. Shep a big hug and a kiss and that she loves you lots and lots."

"Oh sweetie," Meredith said as she hugged her, "thank you for sharing your secret."

"Dr. Mewedith," the little girl said after being held tightly and she looked at Meredith, "your eyes are wet again, are you sad?"

"No sweetie, I'm happy that I got to meet such a beautiful and special little girl."

"That's me?"

"That's you…and that you have an angel for a friend, because only very special little girls get to have a friend like that."

"She's going to be my angel friend forever."

"Yes, sweetie, I know she is," Meredith said, "and you know what else?"

"What?"

"I think that your friend Brianna would be happy if you gave Dr. Shep that hug she told you about," and she moved out of the way so the little girl could hug her husband.

"Dr. Shep," she whispered, "Bwianna said she loves you…lots and lots," and Derek hugged her as he would have liked to hug his daughter and the other three adults in the room understood the magnitude of the spiritual moment shared. They knew they'd been fated to be in each other's life, and that the little girl the famous neurosurgeon held in his arms had been chosen to help heal two souls whose dreams had been shattered the same day prayers of an entire family had been answered, and the miracle of life preserved.

Three souls afar on another plane smiled at each other as they continued to witness the healing journey of two broken hearts whose devastating loss had ultimately helped restore their faith and sealed their loved for a lifetime. A healing journey began with the gentle dream and whispers of an angel named Brianna that had now whispered her, albeit temporarily, goodbye.

The quiet intensity of the moment was broken by a child's quest for answers.

"Dr. Shep," she said quite seriously, as though she'd given the matter a lot of thought, "why are your pajamas dawk blue…and Dr. Mewedith has light blue?"

"Kelly," Meredith smiled, unable to keep from teasing Derek, "that's because he'd old, and he has to wear the dark blue."

"You're going to pay for that," Derek whispered in her ear.

"Gladly," she laughed.

"You're talking grown up," Kelly frowned, "just like Mommy and Daddy, it's not nice."

"No sweetie," Meredith said, and lifted her off the examining table and hugged her, and the little girl wrapped her legs around Meredith's wait, and laid her head on her shoulder, "it's not, so we won't do that anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said and looked up at her and her small hands cupped her face, "I love you…lots and lots," and Meredith's heart melted and was unable to control the tears that gathered as she looked back at the little girl that had unknowingly given her so many treasured moments of healing and hope.

"I love you too Kelly," Meredith kissed her cheek tenderly and hugged her close.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said very softly, quietly, almost as though she knew it was something very special.

"Yes, sweetie."

"Is Bwianna your angel too?"

Meredith swallowed past the lump that seemed permanently lodged in her throat by the things this little girl made her feel, "can you keep a secret?"

"Yes," she whispered in Meredith's ear.

"She is…she is my angel too…and Dr. Shep's."

"That's a really big secret," Kelly said, "can I tell Mommy?"

"Yes, you can, you tell your Mommy everything…you don't keep anything from her."

"I love you, Dr. Mewedith."

"I love you too Kelly," she said and handed her over to her mother.

"Meredith," Colleen said, "we'll see you next week."

"Colleen, don't you mean later?" John asked her. "For dinner?"

"Daddy, we're going to see Dr. Mewedith again later…for dinner?"

"Meredith," Colleen said, "you owe me a remedy, remember?"

"Oh yes, the foot syndrome," she answered and both women laughed.

"Daddy just meant we'll see them again next week Kelly."

"Derek," John "congratulations again, we'll see you…" he paused, "soon."

"Thanks John," he smiled, "we'll see you soon."

"Bye Dr. Shep, I'm gonna follow tructions really good so I can come to the twailer."

"I'm sure you are, and if you keep following instructions like you have, I think that will happen very soon."

"Don't forget the bubbles."

"I won't. You have sweet dreams tonight princess."

"You too," she giggled.

"You called me a princess."

"Dr. Shep," she smiled, and Meredith and Colleen looked at each other and smiled, they would laugh later about how Kelly was flirting with him, "you're so silly."

"Yeah Kelly," Meredith said as she wrapped her arms around his waist, "he is," and that made the little girl giggle and the room was filled with a lighthearted happiness that lingered after the family had left.

Derek wrapped his arms tightly around her as soon as the door closed, "I love you Meredith."

"She said goodbye…" Meredith whispered, "not just to us last night…to Kelly too."

"She did," he said, as he kissed the top of her head. "But, I also know," he said and she heard the raw emotion in his voice, "she will be back."

Meredith hugged him as though she'd never let go, and then she loosened her hold to meet his gaze, and both saw the reflection of hope for the future. "She will," she said, "I expect to hear I love you lots…" her bottom lip quivered, "mommy and daddy… one day…we'll hear that again."

"We will Meredith," he said, and the unshed tears made his eyes shine brightly, "we will," and kissed her lips tenderly before holding her in his embrace until both were ready to let go of each other and continue with the rest of the day.

"I'll see you at five," she said, as she caressed his cheek, "so we can go home before we go to Joe's?"

"You gonna make it up to me…about the old comment?"

"No," she laughed, "we're going to do the nasty nasty…"

"Mer," he laughed, "what are you twelve?"

"That's what the wicked witch said, wasn't it?"

"Ah…what....I don't …"

"Brainless," she laughed, and kissed him fast and quick. "I'm joking," she paused, "well not really, I do mean we're going home and …"

"The nasty nasty, which of your friends came up with that?"

"Cristina," she laughed, "you know when I lost my panties."

"You lost your panties?"

"Derek, seriously…the prom…"

"Uhmmm…those panties…fond memories…you know Mer…" he said, looking around the examining room.

"Don't even think about it," she laughed, "not right now anyway."

"Spoilsport."

"See you at five. Don't make me wait."

"Nag."

"But, you love me anyway."

"I adore you," he said and gave her a quick kiss before they walked out of the room.

It was just after five when Meredith met up with Derek in the hospital lobby, and they walked out holding hands.

"So, Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Yes…Dr. Shepherd…"

"Do you remember the last time we walked out of here … as single people."

"Derek," she changed the subject, "I think now that we're married," she smiled, "I should get your parking spot."

"You mean because you're lazy and always running late…so you want to have one of the closest spots to the front door?"

"Ass," she joked.

"Ah…you said that," he smiled, "that day, you said the same thing."

"Uhmm…" she said, and as they had reached their car and much like the day he referred to earlier she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him and then took her time kissing him.

"Let's not waste any more time," he said, "for the nasty nasty," and they both roared laughing, oblivious to the audience and uncaring that the sexcapades of Meredith and Derek would again be the evening's entertainment.

"What are you waiting for?"

"Just wanting to make sure," he teased, "what was it you asked me, that last day…whether married sex…would be boring…"

"I did not…"she laughed, "and you know it…" she said, thinking back to the comment she'd made, "and besides…how can it be…you have a wife…that's definitely not boring, and she even let's you …flirt with that slutty intern…"

"Meredith," he whispered upon her lips, "my wife…she's let me do a lot more than flirt," and she glared at him before he continued, "you're the only woman…since the day we met…the only woman I've wanted…or want…the love of my life...for always."

"I love you Derek," she said and kissed him deeply, and both gave in to the pleasure of the other's lips until they took a much needed breath, "you've been the only man…the only man I've ever loved."

"Let's go," he said, "we've just provided another one of those moments we'll never live down" and both laughed, "especially since the last time we did this, in plain view of the hospital gossip mongers, we were away for ten days, but tonight," he teased, and nibbled her bottom lip, "we'll be at Joe's in a little more than two hours."

"Two hours," she laughed, "it's after five Derek, we're supposed to be at Joe's at seven, that's not more than two hours."

"Who says we're going to be on time?" he said, cocking his head slightly, the McDreamy smile enticing her, making her forget any compelling reasons for them to need to be on time, and she smiled as he leaned down to kiss her once she was seated on the passenger side.

"Let's go home Derek," she smiled and deepened their kiss, leaving him wanting, aching for her, "where it all began…and take me for a ride."

_A/N 23MAY09 – That Kelly update was for me, because I've loved writing about her, and wanted to bring Brianna's Journey's to an end in a healing gentle note of hope for Meredith and Derek. _

_It surprises me how many still read on some boards, and how few there are on others, and for that reason have been narrowing down where this is posted. The readers and comment on this board have been tremendously gracious and inspiring and it is for this reason the story will be posted here in its entirety. I hope there are still some of you that continue to enjoy the story and will continue to want to read, and leave a comment. The rest of it has been mapped, with the theme for each of the remaining chapters, and expect it will end with Chapter 200. Though, as you know, these characters do seem to talk … a lot…and tonight's update was meant to be just one chapter ending at Joe's but …that will be the next one, a "Joyous Wedding Celebration."_


	174. Chapter 174

**Ch 168 – Joyous Wedding Celebration **

Meredith lay quietly in his arms, her face pressed against his naked chest when he felt her tremble slightly and wrapped his arms tightly around her.

"Talk to me," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head.

"Just hold me," she answered softly.

"Won't you share it with me," he coaxed gently, "what's made you sad?"

"You know," she said, after interminable silence, so quietly he could almost pretend he didn't hear. But no words were necessary for him to understand the longing of her soul, a longing that matched his own, "you already know…"

"Meredith," he kissed her temple, "I'm sorry…so sorry…"

"Me too…" she whispered, and both recalled the recent drive home and how the flirtatious frisky mood had suddenly turned melancholy.

Their day had begun before the break of dawn with sexy, happy moments between them, and now the minutes ticked silently away till dusk would soon enfold, and it too enfolded the would be parents, momentarily giving in to emotions carefully kept at bay, both desperately trying to be supportive of the other.

Derek turned on his side, without releasing his hold on her, and rested his forehead on hers. "We don't have to go tonight, if you want, we can stay home."

Her eyes met his, his words quickly snapping her back to the present. "No," she said softly, and tenderly cupped his face, "it's our wedding celebration," she brought her lips to his, "with our friends…I want to be there."

"Mer…"

"No…I want to be there…" she assured him, kissing his doubts away. "I love you, and I don't want to wait another moment to celebrate our wedding…with all our friends…" she smiled, "and gossip mongers, and let everyone know that you are my husband."

Following her lead, he smiled, "you mean to mark your territory."

"Damn right…" she smiled back, "and hands off to everyone."

"To everyone," he teased her, raising an eyebrow suggestively.

"Everyone," she said smiling, kissing him, "except …me."

"My beautiful…sexy…teasing…enticing…bossy…nagging…"

"Derek…"

"Enchanting…wife…"

"Well…after all that," she said flirtatiously, "maybe…I can share…with Dr. Grey," she spoke against his lips.

"I only have need of you…only you…"

"Derek," she said, becoming more serious, "I'm sorry."

"For what?"

"Making you sad…rehashing those feelings…they just happened…I'm sorry I ruined the mood…"

"Hey…nothing was runined, we barely got through the door before you jumped me…"

"Derek…" she giggled, "I did not…"

"That's not how I remember it…" he teased her.

"Maybe," she said, and looked at him mischievously, "I was just a little impatient."

"A little," he chuckled.

"Are you complaining?"

"Never…ever…" he said, and smiled as she caressed his face. "I love you Meredith."

"I love you too."

"Mer…" he began, and paused, unsure how she would react, "please don't get mad, but I have to say something."

"You better stop then, because that tells me…"

"Hear me out…please…"

"Derek…"

"I think, maybe it would be better if you don't see Kelly for a while," he said it and heard her immediate and deep intake of breath.

"Why?"

"Seeing her today…I know how it affected you…and I don't want you to be sad."

"But," she said softly, "you have to see her…and it makes you sad too…"

"I don't want you to go through all those emotions…I know it's not over, that you're still getting over this."

She placed her index finger on his lips, "she was ours…" she said, tears glistening, "she was yours too…and I want to be there…when you see her and remember…I want to be there for you too."

Their gazes remained locked, "it helps," he admitted, "being together…it helps."

"I know…" she told him, "and from now on…we're in this…whatever life brings, we're in this together."

"Together," he said, in a low throaty tone.

"Derek..."

"Yes…"

"It will get better…but it won't ever be over," she said, more a question than a statement, "we're not going to forget," and looked to him for comfort, silently hoping his answer would be the same.

"We're not going to forget…our first baby…we'll never forget her."

"Derek, seeing Kelly…it's not really sad…it is wonderful…and healing…she gives me hope Derek"

"She's very precocious…and adorable…"

"She's absolutely precious…and I'm glad she's in our lives."

"She's in our lives for a bit…while she's my patient…" he said, trying to discourage Meredith from getting attached to her, as he could see it was already happening.

"You're wrong…"

"I'm wrong…"

"You are wrong many times you know," she joked, "you don't have to sound as thought that's such an anomaly."

"Critical," he teased, "add that to the list of wifely…"

"Don't push it," she said, as she jabbed his chest with one finger, and then reached for his hand, entwining their fingers.

"Finish your thoughts…"

"I believe Kelly…the Mulligan's really, were…are meant to be in our lives…for a long time to come."

"I don't want you getting too attached," he spoke softly, his hand running through her hair. "We don't know that she will be anything more than one of my patients."

"You…Derek Shepherd, are lying."

"What? You are now calling me a liar."

"Derek…you know…those feelings you get…I get them too…and I know Kelly will be in our lives…she was meant to be, and stop trying to protect me."

"Mer…there's reasons we don't get attached to patients," he knew it was a losing battle, because she was right…he had that feeling too. Kelly was meant to be in their lives.

"We're never going to live this down, you know," she said, changing the subject she knew in their hearts had already been settled.

"What," he said following her gaze to the red digital numbers reflecting the time, "that everyone's going to know we were doing the nasty nasty," he laughed.

"Oh no," she laughed, "they of course know that…but not that we were going to be almost an hour late," and his laughter joined hers as the ever changing colors of the horizon could be seen through the sheer gauzy curtains, on an evening that would end as the journey of lovers, not so long ago estranged, continued on the path reserved for the very few, for soul mates whose love was destined for legends, heart warming and beyond eternity.

"They've probably," he joked, "already taken bets as to how late we'd be."

"You're probably right," she agreed.

"Cristina will be the first one…"

"Or Alex…and Mark…"

"Unlike Xena," he smiled, "or George."

"I love you Derek," she said, stopping him quick a kiss, "I love you so much."

"So do I Meredith, don't ever forget it."

"How can I possibly forget…" she smiled, "when my husband ravishes me as soon as we walk in the door," and though she was trying to be lighthearted, he glimpsed into her soul and knew the emotions behind her words, "and then…"

"Your brainless husband …who adores you…said something to make you sad…" he said, referring to the comment he'd made when they went to their bedroom to continue their lovemaking and he said something about the baby gift she'd bought for Lisette.

"And then," she silenced him with a kiss, unwilling to allow him to brood "my husband made love to me…as though I was…"

"My cherished wife...my priceless treasure…" he said, and kissed her tenderly.

"And again made my sadness fade and restored hope in my soul," she whispered as their lips met and mutual healing touches and tender words were joyful music to their hearts.

"Uhmmm…"

"Don't say it…" she smiled.

"What…we can add mind reader now too," he teased her, lovingly caressing her face.

"Wanna bet I can?" she raised her eyebrow.

"What's at stake?"

"If I guess right," she paused, "we leave early and you make love to me again tonight."

"And if you're wrong," he said, bringing their naked bodies closer, and kissing her.

"I don't think I'm wrong," she pressed closer into him, "but…if I am…"

"Uhmmm…" he moaned.

"We stay till the end and then you take advantage of me downstairs," she laughed.

"So, if you're wrong," he joked, "I'm really the loser."

"You think," she squinted, "there's a loser here?"

"Sure there is," he told her, and she smiled as she felt his renewed desire against her, "if you're wrong, I have to wait longer to take care of this…again."

"Then," she said in a low raspy voice, "let's make damn sure, I'm not wrong."

"Whatever you say…"

"You were thinking…I was being all mushy and sentimental," she smiled, and knew, as she had known she would be, that she was right as he smiled into her eyes.

"I love that side of you…vulnerable and beautiful."

"So…" she said, "my mushy and sentimental husband, we both win."

"We both win," he said and kissed her one last time before accepting they really did have to leave the house and meet up with their friends.

They took the steps down to Joe's holding hands, and before walking through the doors he turned to her, "where it all began," he smiled.

"The beginning," she smiled, "of our dark and twisty and all…fairy tale…"

"Our once upon a time…" he said, "all of it … lead us to today."

"And…knowing you, did make me love you…fall hopelessly and forever in love in with you."

"I love you Meredith Grey, that night…I didn't know it, but you saved me…"

"We didn't know," she said poignantly before wrapping her arms around his neck, "we would save each other," and smiling waited for his kiss as they stood outside the double French doors.

"Finally," the familiar clanking sound of the bells over the door followed by Cristina's voice made them break away from their kiss, "we thought we were going to have to send search and rescue…"

"Finally," Mark's booming voice echoed, as he held the door, "can't you two keep your hands off each other long enough to…"

"Mark," Lexie stopped him, "they are newlyweds…"

"Don't I know it…I got to experience it first hand, roaring special effects and all…" he smirked earning a scowl from Derek. "What…it's true."

"You," Meredith told him laughing, "are just jealous."

"Jea…jealous…" Mark sputtered, "Grey…I'll have you know…"

"It's Mrs. Shepherd to you," she taunted him, and while still holding on to Derek's hand he pulled her inside to the cheering sounds of congratulations.

Meredith was taken aback completely, and stood motionless as she glanced around the Emerald City Bar, finding it hard to believe how much effort had been put into their wedding celebration and how many had joined them. Derek squeezed her hand, "you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled without breaking contact from his gaze, warming his heart that she was happy, and then turned to her friends. "When, did you have time…we only found out this morning."

"Mer," Lexie said, "I told you…Mark and Cristina were talking about doing something like this since Venice."

"Meredith," Joe was suddenly in front of her and surprised her by lifting her feet briefly off the ground in a bear hug, "I knew it...from the first day you met…"

"You did not," she laughed, that melodic sound Derek loved. "But, that works, especially," she said turning to reach for Derek's hand, "when we tell our kids how we met."

"It was love at first sight," Joe grinned. "I'll vouch for that."

"Dude," Alex joked, "lust maybe…"

"Alex," Meredith turned to him, and said low enough for only those closest to hear, "did Derek already talk to you about moving out?"

"Ouch," Cristina said, and looked over to Izzie raising an eyebrow. "Mer…you can't just turn all wifely, it's freaky."

"I'm a wife Cristina," Meredith grinned, "a very happy wife," she said and brushed Derek's lips as they heard multiple cheers of encouragement.

"Mer," Izzie teased, "you guys were an hour late. Does that mean we'll get some sleep…ear plug free tonight?"

Without missing a beat, Derek said, "are you planning on sleeping at home tonight?"

"Yes…where else…"

"Then, no," he grinned, "use your earplugs."

"Oh God," Cristina snorted. "You two really are like rabbits."

"Yang," Mark laughed, "you've got the wrong set of wild beasts…"

"Rabbits aren't beasts," Lexie teased.

"Believe me," Mark laughed, "I know, and these two," he smiled at Meredith, "we're talking serious beasts…lions…needing lion tamers…"

"Oh shut up," Meredith laughed, and playfully smacked his arm.

"Shep, control your wife, please."

"Hey…you deserved that," Derek commented.

"Whipped, totally," Mark murmured and walked away with a grin on his face.

"Ok," Joe said loudly, "everybody, it's only right that this is the first official public appearance and celebration of the newlyweds in Seattle, at the place where they first met…" he smiled, "and fell in love," he said, "and I guess…for tonight," he winked at Meredith, already aware she was using Dr. Grey, "Mr. and Mrs. Derek Shepherd," and the entire bar began clapping enthusiastically.

Meredith and Derek were overwhelmed by the merrymaking, and responded with equal enthusiasm to the chants of kiss the bride as their lips met, a smile upon them; happy, ecstatically so, to openly and joyously celebrate being husband and wife.

"Joe, you had to get them going," Cristina smirked, "now, they'll be out of here…on their way to…"

"We're right here," Derek said, Meredith's arms still looped around his neck, and he leaned in toward Cristina, as their closest friends were gathered closely around them, "already got a head start," he grinned, "on the nasty nasty…"

"You told him," Cristina accused.

"No," Meredith said, "we …"

"Stop," Cristina said, "don't say another word," and Derek and Meredith burst out laughing.

"Enough of the private talk," Joe said, "we need to make a toast, the first toast, and that is indeed on the house, and for that we have reserved the place of honor," he said and guided them toward the bar, the exact bar stools where they had been sitting the night they met and at their place were two shots of tequila and single malt scotch.

"Mer," George said as he came to stand beside her, "Dr…Derek," take your seats."

"Seriously," Meredith smiled, as she looked around, and the banners that had adorned their kitchen were now displayed on one of the walls, but in front of them at the bar, was another sign…McDreamy's Return.

"Would you agree," Derek leaned in to whisper in her ear, "has he redeemed himself?"

"Completely," she smiled and locked gazes with him, "remember…it didn't take him long…"

"Nine days," he said, and they both understood the depth of those words.

Derek and Meredith took their seats facing their friends and Joe handed them each a drink, "we already know folks, that we have with us a legend…and since this is where it all began, I get to talk first," he said as Meredith rested her head against Derek's shoulder, his hand securely wrapped around her waist. "There isn't a single person here that at some point or another, hasn't heard or mentioned…or maybe even bet," he said and everybody's laughter was heard, "on the legend of Meredith and Derek, and it is my pleasure to be the first to make this toast…to a couple that fate has obviously meant should be together, and to wish them a lifetime of all it is they want from each other," he finished, and the echoes of cheers spread throughout the room.

Richard surprisingly came to stand near Joe and spoke, "I can't say much about those bets I keep hearing about, it seems there are some things about my hospital I'm not made aware of," he said and the crowd laughed, knowing there were far too many things to count, "but I do know Meredith and Derek were meant to be together, and I'm glad I had at least a little to do with that."

"You what?" Derek and Meredith blurted out simultaneously.

"I did," Richard told them, "I'm the one that convinced him to come work with me."

"And," Meredith said in a low voice, not necessarily meant to be quiet, "you called the wicked witch."

"The wicked witch," Richard said, "who…"

"Addison," someone in unexpectedly close in proximity to them called out.

"Oh crap," Meredith said and looked over at Derek, and bit her lip, "shouldn't have said that."

"Too late now," Derek said, and smiled, "but we'd agreed, she's part of the story."

"What did I miss," Richard said, as Miranda had already made her way next to him.

"Don't mind them, Chief, they're just a bunch of adolescents, and believe me, you don't want to know everything that goes on in that hospital."

"Right," he joked with her, "it's only Dr. Bailey that knows EVERYTHING," he taunted.

"Damn right," Miranda looked at him, and then around those closest to her, "and don't forget it," she said and grinned.

"Ok," Izzie said, "it's time to get this party rolling, and on with the roast."

"The roast," Meredith looked at her, and then at Derek, "a roast?"

"Mer…I know you're not great with some very typical quotes…but a roast is…"

"Derek," she rolled her eyes, "I know what a roast is…just, why Izzie…are we being roasted, at our …wedding celebration?"

"It's you Mer…you'd never go for a traditional wedding…"

"I did…" she smiled, "in Venice."

"Partially Mer…you didn't go for the whole wedding gown and church and hundreds of guests…"

"It looks like there are hundreds of guests here now," she laughed as she scanned the room, and then surprised saw Colleen and John.

"Listen up people," Alex said, "we've already made enough toasts the night they came home, so now, we're going to …"

"Karev," Mark said, "you're not master of ceremonies."

"Neither are you," he smirked, the familiar half lip raised in a bit of mockery.

"But," Mark said, "I'm the bestman."

"Fine, you are paying for this."

"And I'm the maid of honor," Cristina said.

"You are not," Izzie said, "she wasn't…was she Mer?"

"No, Iz, she wasn't. There was no maid of honor, or bridesmaids…you would have been missing."

"Barbie," Cristina said, "you are so gullible."

"And you are so…bitchy."

"Children," George said, "behave. Joe, another round of drinks to keep them in line."

The friendly banter continued amongst their friends while more people than she ever would have imagined sporadically made their way to congratulate them, as the abundance of food and drinks was ever present during the next several hours.

"Tracy," Meredith said during the evening, as they sat in the area where several tables were set up, an unofficial bridal table of sorts, and many of their friends joined them throughout the evening. "How do you put up with him," she laughed after one of Mark's comments.

"Great sex," Tracy joked.

Everyone was quiet for a second, and then the entire table and those sitting close by, which at the moment included the fab4, the interns, Lexie and the Mulligan's erupted in laughter.

"Tracy," Stephanie laughed, "I can't believe you just said that."

"Why not," Mark drawled, "it's true."

"Always the manwhore," Cristina commented.

"One of the best," Tracy smiled.

"One of the best…" Mark looked at her and raised an eyebrow.

"Yes…"

"One of," Mark said again, "we'll have to work on that."

"Looking forward to it," Tracy told him.

"John, Colleen…" Derek said, "not the finest introduction to our friends," he joked.

"Quite the contrary," John said, "it speaks of great friendships, and how much people care about you."

"Colleen, how did you know," Meredith asked, "we didn't even know till this morning."

"Well, we started talking about your wedding and Italy and Dr. Sloan came in."

"Mark," Meredith looked at him, "you interrupted a patient's visit?"

"I didn't know, and besides, I'd met them and Kelly, so I invited them."

"We're glad we could join you," John said, "in spite of putting my foot in my mouth in front of Kelly."

"It's ok honey," Colleen said, "I'm used to it, and Meredith promised she has a remedy."

"Really," Cristina said, "must be from her experience with McDreamy's syndrome."

"Cristina," Meredith warned.

"Relax Mer, we have our truce… right Derek?"

"Yes," he smiled, "and Mer, she helped planned this…I'm willing to…"

"You helped planned this?" Meredith asked incredulously.

"She really did," Lexie answered for her, "Mark and Cristina have been planning this since we spent the last day in Venice together."

Meredith and Derek were speechless, unaware of how much time and effort had gone into all the planning for the impromptu wedding celebration.

"But…" Derek said, "you didn't say anything…not till today."

"Derek," Lexie smiled, "Meredith and Kat may be right…"

"Great…" Derek smiled at her, "now you're on their side."

"Always," Lexie said, "Derek, she is my sister."

"Xena," Mark said, "stop giving away our secrets, Yang and I, we have hard ass, hard core images to live up to."

"You can't hide the sentimental side…Mark…we both know…"

"Stop talking, now," he told her, " I am not sentimental."

Meredith reached over and placed her hand over his arm, "stop teasing him Lexie," and then quietly, only for him and Derek to hear, "my knight…"

"Amy Lynn," Derek said, "you tell us, how in the world everyone got here?"

"Well, it wasn't too difficult, the hard part was limiting it to the right people."

"I see that," George said, "really, why are Debbie and Olivia here?"

"Strategy Dr. O'Malley," Amy Lynn laughed. "Brilliant strategy."

"I know you had a list," George said, "but not that they were on it."

"We only had hours," Lisette said, "to put it all together, but we had a very good idea who your friends at the hospital were, and then we started discuss whether we should have them here, sort of making sure they saw first hand how happy you are."

"You mean," Stephanie said, "we wanted to rub in their faces how wrong they'd been."

"Yeah, well, that too," Lisette admitted and they all laughed.

"Speaking of bets," Mark said, "it's time we settle some pending matters."

"Mark," Derek joked, certain his friend would not mind, "does that include that Hahn bet?"

"That's over Dr. Shepherd," Tracy commented, "or else he's a dead man."

"Well Tracy," Derek laughed, "you're kinder than my wife."

"What, is that supposed to mean?" Meredith glared at him, knowing full well what he was talking about.

"Nothing honey," he teased.

"Honey?" Meredith laughed.

"It fits…" Derek joked, "you know…along with me being a dead horse's ass," he said, and both he and Meredith laughed heartily before she leaned over and kissed him.

"What is it with you two and the animals?" Cristina said.

Meredith smiled, "I just thought, we have such a large piece of land," and the six she considered family exchanged looks, she really had changed. Meredith Grey spoke of Derek's land as theirs. "We could even consider a small zoo sometime," she finished and she and Derek held each other's gaze.

"You're joking," Cristina said. "Mer, have lost your mind?"

"I bet," Mark drawled, "you'd even consider some lion cubs," and the newlyweds and their bestman roared with laughter.

"I know," Bailey said as she walked over to them, "you all are not drunk, so what's with the animal talk, I know it's not about your often immature behavior."

"Just joking around Miranda," Derek said, and got up to put an arm around her, "we'll tell you another day."

"Oh, no," Miranda said, "I get the feeling I'm better off not knowing."

"Why are you here alone," he asked as he walked away from the table, "everything ok?"

"Don't do this to me now Shepherd," she said quietly, "just doing the best I can."

"You let me know," Derek said, "whatever you need."

"I will," she said, and remained silent, touched by his thoughtfulness.

Meredith remained at the table and was delighted John and Colleen fit in perfectly with their group of friends. She felt Derek's eyes on her and returned the smile as they both made the effort to mingle with the guests before he made his way back to her side.

"Meredith, Dr. Shepherd," Joe had walked over to the table and set down their favorite menu items.

"Joe," Derek said, "no formalities tonight, just Derek."

"Derek," Joe said, "you and Meredith should eat now, before we get on with the evening."

"Thanks Joe," Derek said, "we really appreciate it all the efforts that went into this."

"Happy to do it," he smiled. "My favorite couple…"

"How many people do you say that too," Meredith joked.

"You're the only couple that's considered a legend," he said, "and he saved my life."

"Joe," Derek said, "why don't you join us?"

"Can't do that…too many things to get done…and Dr. Sloan & Yang will have my head if I don't stick to…"

"Yang," Derek said, "you mean Cristina really had something to do with this?"

"Are you kidding," he offered, "she was here earlier with Izzie and the rest of the gang decorating and blowing up balloons."

"Izzie," Meredith said, "no doubt was responsible for all the paper wedding bells."

"Oh yeah," Joe laughed, "she and Lexie did all of that."

Meredith and Derek sat down again and enjoyed their meal amongst the banter and friendly greetings and well wishes of most everyone present at the bar.

"Didn't realize we knew so many people," Meredith snuggled up to him and whispered in his ear.

"You mean," he spoke after nipping her ear playfully, "you know all these people," and had her giggling, while he teased her.

She leaned into him resting her head on his shoulder, earning smiles from everyone around them. "Derek," she said, "you're vibrating."

"Ignore it," he said, "and it's actually you, since it's your blackberry inside my coat pocket."

"Oh," she laughed, "so it is, and it's your mother."

"My mother," he said, "how do you know that?"

"Cause I set her up for three tones when she emails me."

"You gave her a special tone," he smiled.

"Just because you ignore her messages," she reached inside his coat jacket, but not before playfully inching her way up his chest.

"Mer," he teased her, "if you can't wait for us to get home…"

"I can wait," she smiled and kissed him, "if you can…"

"Twenty minutes," he smiled.

"Doubt it," she laughed, "not after all the work they put into this," and read his mother's message while allowing him to read along with her.

_Meredith sweetheart, it's just after six here and imagine you are now in the middle of full celebration at Joe's. I will look forward to going there, as Kat said, where the legend began. Yes, Derek, I'm sure you're reading this and your mother knows everything now. No thanks to you, but I forgive you, since Meredith is thoughtful enough to communicate with me. Don't scowl at her for responding to quickly, I replied to her email and she let me know about tonight's get together. So, when either of you get a chance email me details. It won't be tonight, I know, LOL – don't be a prude DC, I'm not so old I forgot about being a newlywed. Meredith, stop laughing at him. I love you both, Mom._

_p.s. Meredith, I think you're right :) _

"You've been emailing her," Derek asked with a frown on his forehead, "you didn't tell me, and you're right about what?"

"Girl talk," Meredith smiled at him.

"Meredith…"

"Just quick short emails" she said, "but she has more time to respond, so hers are wordier," she shrugged.

"It's going to come back and bite you in the ass," he nipped her ear.

"What…" she said, "are you talking about?"

"Girl talk, with my mother?"

"She likes me."

"And," he whispered, "you are meddling. You both are."

"I don't know what you're talking about," she said, and felt his hand on her thigh, and then the light gentle squeeze.

"You do…" he said, his hand massaging her thigh. "Mer…"

"Ok, you two. Stop with the secrets and so very obvious foreplay."

"Yang," Mark said as he walked put his arm around Tracy, "they're newlyweds."

"What's with you," Cristina said, "you're repeating Xena's comments."

"Stating the obvious Yang."

"Sloan," Cristina said, "you're spending way too much time together."

Meredith glanced at Derek, raising her eyebrow slightly.

"Don't meddle," he said quietly. "But, you may be right," he smiled, "in fact, whatever you and Mom are talking about, I'd be willing to bet you will be."

"Derek," she smiled at him. "I love you."

"I love you too," he smiled back, and kissed her softly.

"Meredith, Derek," Joe stood by their table, after turning down the music, "when we heard you were married, we all wanted to share in that celebration, and that is the reason we are here tonight, and we've all had a chance to toast to your marriage and a lifetime of happiness. But," he had a grin on his face, "there's also wedding gifts and … Dr. Sloan has some questions he wants to clear up…on the betting side."

"Wedding gifts," Meredith said, "Joe, everyone" she spoke loud enough that most could hear. "We, Derek and I…it means so much to us that you are here tonight, and that is enough… nothing else was needed."

"We wanted to Dr. Grey," one of the doctors in Derek's team said. "But, don't worry, we didn't have a lot of time…so, mainly… they're fun gifts."

"Thank you Jim," Derek addressed an attending colleague, also known as Shadow Shepherd, "as Meredith," he smiled, "as my wife said," and everyone laughed at the obvious smitten look on his face, "it means a lot to us that you'd want to be here to celebrate our marriage."

"Let's get going with the gifts," Joe said, "and the floor goes to the Fab4."

"He knows about the fab4?" Meredith laughed.

"Meredith," Bailey said, "he can't hold a candle to me, but he's a close second when it comes to knowing EVERYTHING," and the entire room erupted in laughter.

"First gift," Amy Lynn said, "from your favorite nurses," she smiled, "Starbucks coffee for the next thirty days."

"But," Lisette said, "you must start the day at our station…"

"So we can fill you in…" Stephanie said, and winked at them. "On everything."

Most of the wedding gifts were of a humorous nature, all alluding to the fact that their romance had never been private. Nelson told him, he was willing to work overtime, if it meant Derek would go away more often, and jokingly said, maybe he wouldn't be Shadow Shepherd for a few weeks.

"Walter and I have something for you, that you won't need for a while, but whenever there's a Mcbaby…now that we have experience with twins, we'll offer to baby sit for a full weekend."

Derek reached for her hand immediately, "that's a fantastic gift Walter, and we'll be sure to take you up on it."

Their friends showed some concern over Meredith's reaction, but she put them all at ease. "Derek's right Joe, that's will be the perfect gift…we're going to remind you of that."

"I've already given you my gift," Miranda Bailey jumped in, wanting to steer the conversation away from babies, "you got the time off for a honeymoon."

"Dr. Bailey," someone called out, "did you really know they were getting married before Meredith did."

"Remember," she smiled, "I know everything."

"She did not," Mark said, "all she knew was that he was proposing."

"Sloan," Miranda said, "are you questioning…" she allowed the words to hang in the air.

"No," Mark said, "not at all," and everyone laughed.

"Do tell us," someone yelled out, "about the proposal, we've heard lots of rumors."

"Dude," Alex smirked, "we can tell you he forgot to give her the ring, on a freaking gondola, and he forgot to give her the ring," he said and they spent the next twenty minutes being teased about Meredith saying yes before he proposed, and Derek forgetting to give her a ring at the reception.

"This gift is not much," the chief said after listening to the lighthearted summary of their wedding in Venice, "but thanks to Patricia," he acknowledge her sitting at a nearby table, "we started working on it as soon as Sloan got back," and he handed them a gift bag that had Meredith grinning from ear to ear when she pulled out matching dark blue scrub caps decorated with various flies used for fishing.

"Fly fishing lures," she laughed.

"I understand," Richard said, "you caught the biggest rainbow trout."

"She did," Derek said proudly. "The biggest catch all season."

"I certainly did" she said leaning in to him suggestively, "the biggest…most perfect catch," and they exchanged a secret smile.

"Now," Mark said, "one of the other reasons for tonight, is to settle all the bets Meredith and Derek have been subjected to…and I know, without any doubts, that it is the best wedding gift we can give them."

Meredith and Derek exchanged a tender look and he gathered her close to him.

"But, first, before Meredith settles two of the most important bets," he winked at her, "I'd like to make a toast," he said, "on behalf of all their friends and family," he motioned for Lexie to stand next to him along with the interns and Meredith and Derek stood next to him.

"There are very few moments in my life," Mark cleared his throat, "that were as special as witnessing the vows between Meredith and Derek, and I have never been more honored and humbled than to be allowed to be bestman at my friends' wedding," he said looking directly at the couple, "and tonight I want to wish them a lifetime of happiness, and drink to their love and commitment, truly a love of legends."

The echoes of cheers were heard throughout the Emerald City Bar, and many comments would be heard through the walls of Seattle Grace about the unexpected and out of character sentimentality of Mark Sloan. Tracy smiled at him and he put his arm around her, and only two keen observant parties noticed the gentle look he bestowed on Lexie Grey.

"Meredith," he said, "two important clarifications…about the bets," he said. "How long after he royally screwed up," he taunted Derek, "before McDreamy was back?"

"Nine days," she said without hesitation, and reached for Derek's hand.

"Everyone's accused me of having insider information," he smirked, "that I knew you were getting married."

"I knew…" she smiled, "it was our engagement trip…" she laughed, "but gave him thirty days," she teased, "just to make sure he didn't get cold feet."

"Not on your life," Derek teased her, "you knew you were stuck with me before we left."

"But, I had no idea," she said looking only at Derek, "he'd turn around and ask me to marry him in Venice, and have the most romantic…McDreamy…surprise wedding."

"Mer," Cristina interrupted, "leave the touchy feely…sentimental…"

"She's jealous," Izzie laughed, "don't pay any attention to her."

"Barbie, if you don't…"

"Be nice children," George stood in between Izzie and Cristina, "be nice."

"Meredith," Lexie said, "Derek…we, Mark and Cristina, ever since we got back really wanted to celebrate your marriage, but most of all, we agreed that the best gift we could give you was put an end to the bets…and rumors…and we know it's almost impossible to do that…but, we tried…and we decided all the money that we collected…we have a special gift for you," she said a bit hesitant, unsure now of their reaction.

"First," Izzie said, "we all got together about the best way to do this…so when we counted the money, and realized how much there was we thought we'd use it to pay for tonight's celebration…but, between Joe wanting to do this for you…and Mark insisting he'd pay for everything…well, we let them work it out."

"Do all you women ramble…is it contagious living at Grey's house?" Mark laughed.

"Dude," Alex said, "you have no idea. Let's get on with it, or we'll be here till tomorrow."

"Karev," Mark said, unwilling to be rushed, wanting to do the right thing for his friends, "didn't you use to have an interest in plastics?"

"You can't do that…" Alex said, correctly interpreting Mark's meaning.

"Meredith," Mark did move on, "Derek, we had no idea how imuch interest you two generated…until...."

"Sloan," Cristina said, "will you tell them already the betting pool was $ 2, 335 dollars."

"What?" Derek and Meredith said simultaneously.

"You've got to be kidding," Meredith said, and Derek was less surprised.

"We thought," Mark said, "you'd like what we did with it, and took the liberty of making a donation on your behalf," he handed them an envelope with a card that also held a printed copy of a receipt, only their closest friends were aware of, and as soon as she began to read, Meredith's eyes watered, as she saw the name of the organization she knew her friends had consulted when she had the miscarriage in an effort to properly offer their support.

_Dear Meredith and Derek, _

_A donation in the amount of $ 3,000 has been made to honor the memory of Brianna Shepherd, our goddaughter. We, all of us, family and friends that know of your loss agreed it would be the best use of this money. Mark added the rest of the donation._

_I shared part of your dream, only with Mark. He knows you've been blessed with your very own angel._

_I got to write the note, private for you only…my sister and brother in law. Yes, I did know it would happen, just as I know we will celebrate the joy of the birth of your babies._

_With love from us all, Lexie_

Derek reached out for her, steadying her hands, as they trembled slightly and took the card from her hand and placed in the inside pocket of his jacket, and hugged her to him, as he exchanged a poignant and emotional glance of appreciation with Mark and Lexie.

The room was silent for a few moments, and Izzie, aware of the significance of the moment, lighten the mood, "time for the cake," and indicated for it to be placed in front of the couple, but not before Meredith turned to Mark and hugged him.

"You," she paused, simply and silently just hugged him, "thank you," and few would understand the deep bond of friendship that was forever sealed with his gesture. Then she turned to her sister and reached for her hand, and Derek and Mark exchanged a handshake that reaffirmed the deep affection between the two men. "I love you Lexie," Meredith said, "my children," both took a deep breath, "are going to be so lucky…to have you as their aunt."

"I love you too Meredith," Lexie said and hugged her sister, barely a few seconds were needed, as familial bonds, non existent just a month before, had unquestionably become a source of strength that would bind them for the rest of their lives.

The cake helped to renew the festivities, the poignant moment witnessed by their guests had lasted no longer than a minute, but the love between the friends and sisters would last a lifetime.

Derek entwined their fingers once again. "Oh my God, Derek," Meredith laughed. "Cristina Yang, I cannot believe you did this again," and pointed to the cake topper, and as the first time, everyone that saw it laughed at the humorous couple atop the chocolate wedding cake, and photos of the evening's celebration continued to be recorded.

"Nothing's changed Mer," Cristina said, "you and Shepherd were an hour late, so it's a fitting depiction of the bride and groom, not to mention it cost me eighty bucks, so we had to get good use out of it."

"You paid eighty dollars for that," Derek laughed. "Cristina, you really must love me."

"Dude," Alex said, "don't hold your breath."

"I think she does Derek," George commented, "she's the first one that admitted McDreamy was back after they got back from Venice."

They cut the wedding cake and in typical wedding celebrations, were encouraged to feed the other and eventually exchange yet another kiss, which they did, playfully going along until they shared a last kiss, determined to continue the celebration in private.

"Everyone," Derek spoke, as they stood holding hands, "again, I can't tell you how special you've made this evening for us. Your good wishes, your gifts…each of them, thank you and for being here tonight."

Encouraged by their audience, she kissed him softly on the lips and smiled, before turning to say something. "Derek and I…will always remember tonight, thank you for sharing it with us. But, now…I'd like to make a toast…" she smiled, "to my husband," she said, fully staking her claim, "for all the reasons he already knows…and because…he made me believe…that dreams do come true and fairy tales…exist."

Echoes of cheers were heard as everyone shared in the last toast, and Meredith missed Derek glancing over to Joe who nodded his head, and smiled, and soon the first notes of a familiar tune was heard.

"Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled, "would you like to dance?"

"Dance," she smiled, "you don't dance in public."

"Ah," he said, as he encircled her waist, "but tonight…it's our wedding celebration," and she became fully aware of the tune.

"Derek," she gasped in surprise, "you…how…"

"At last," he whispered in her ear, her body pressed to his, as the sultry voice of Etta James filled the room, "my love has come along," and their bodies swayed in perfect rhythm to the song that had become their own.

"I love you Derek," she said, and he knew her eyes were filled with tears, "and here we are in heaven," she followed the tune.

"For you are mine," he sang in her ear, "at last."

The song ended and the couple remained in each other's arms, swaying to the memory of the tune, and then they looked at each other, captivated and enraptured they smiled, and their friends could read their minds as he gently caressed her back before he reached for her hand.

"Get the rice," Lexie said.

"They're going to make a run for it," Cristina said loudly, and Meredith and Derek continued to smile.

"You're right," Derek grinned, "thank you…for everything," and turned toward the door, but before they were able to escape they were showered with rice by all that had gathered for a most joyous occasion.

_A/N 30MAY09 – Hope you enjoyed this chapter. The last three words are a reference to what Shonda Rhimes said of the wedding to take place this season. A joyous occasion, but regrettably for Meredith and Derek fans we must settle for a post it note. Likewise, months ago, when I wrote Meredith had given her friends a tip, that they would be engaged within 30 days, but she wanted a part of the winning bets, the donation (unlike Shonda's deceptive wedding site marketing) was always intended to be made in memory of their baby. When I wrote of her miscarriage, one of the resources was the website mentioned in the chapters that followed, and I have made a donation to them, because the information provided helped me to write about the situation as sensitively and realistically as possible and I can understand how it would help parents suffering such a loss._

_Thank you for your very inspiring comments. Time will begin to move a bit faster now so I can wrap up the story by chapter 200._


	175. Chapter 175

**Ch 169 – Anniversary bliss **

Meredith watched her sleeping husband, a smile on her face as she picked up his watch to glance at the time, waiting for the right moment to wake him.

Derek stirred, the absence of her body curled up to his disturbing his sleep, instinctively seeking her warmth he reached for her and frowned even before opening his eyes.

"Hey," Meredith said, as she lay on her side, smiling as his eyes focused on her.

He frowned for seconds, "you're watching me sleep again," and then taking in the still glowing embers of the fireplace, "why?"

"Just waiting…" she smiled softly, the half smile he loved.

"Waiting," he said reaching for her, pulling her in to his arms. "For what?"

"The right time," she said, prolonging the moment by picking up his watch again, a broad smile now gracing her face.

"The right time," he repeated, "for what? It's the middle of the night."

"It's not quite the middle of the night," she said, her hand pushing back the stray lock from his forehead and running her hand through his hair, "here," she kissed him softly, "but in Italy," she smiled and kissed him again, "it's already ten forty five."

He grinned knowingly and cupped her face in his hands, "you're waking me up to tell me it's ten forty five in Italy," he teased her, and then kissed her, "and that's something special?"

"Derek," she pulled slightly away from him, "don't mock me."

"Never," he said, stroking her cheek with one hand before he cupped her face again and pressed his lips to hers, "happy anniversary."

"Happy anniversary Derek," he felt her smile on his lips, and when their kiss ended she whispered, "I love you."

"I love you Meredith," he smiled, "my wife," he kissed her again, "beautiful, sexy…sentimental wife of one week."

"Derek," she laughed softly, "we have become mushy and sentimental."

"We've earned it," he kissed her, "we just won't tell anyone," he joked.

"Oh," she laughed, "I think after tonight everyone knows."

"Uhmmm…" he smiled, wrapping his arms tightly around her, eliminating any distance between them as their naked bodies were pressed intimately against the other's, "you did a good job," he teased, "marking your territory."

She looked away, just for a split second but long enough for him to notice.

"Meredith," he said softly, "what's going on?"

"Nothing," she said with a smile that did not reach her eyes.

"Remember," he insisted, "no avoiding, and something just now…"

"Did it bother you…" she conceded, and spoke without looking at him, "we've joked about it, but does it bother you…that I said something…that I wanted no doubts about us…"

"About marking your territory," he joked, trying to soothe the doubts and insecurities that he knew would surface from time to time, as each continued their journey of healing.

"Yes," she said still looking away from him.

"Look at me," he said as he lifted her chin, and finally she met his gaze. "I love you, and I love that you wanted everyone to know," he kissed her softly, "I'm yours," he nibbled at her lips, "exclusively."

"I know it's probably all…mushy…and silly," she said softly as she ran her fingers through his hair, "but…"

"Hey," he interrupted her, "we've already agreed… mushy…all of it…we're in this together," and captured her lips before he finished his thoughts, "because I needed to let everyone know too," and kissed her again as he paused in between each word, "that you…are mine," his hands caressed her back, "exclusively…forever."

"I love you Derek…I love you so much."

"Even when I'm mushy and sentimental…" he joked.

"Especially then," she smiled, "completely mine."

"Completely yours…" he agreed, "as you are mine," he pressed their bodies even closer together if that was even possible without being intimately joined, "at last."

"I guess," she said, somewhat shyly, "you marked your territory as well…with what you said…and our song."

"Our song," he kissed her, "and everyone definitely knows you're mine…"

"At last," she said.

"Want to be mine…" his voice was low and seductive, "again…"

"My insatiable…beast…" she smiled, his erection pressed against her. "I'm yours…for as long as you want…"

"Mer," he said as he captured her lips and they became lost in the pleasure of their kiss, and then later, breathless and eagerly anticipating their lovemaking, "know what I love…one of the many things…I love about you?"

"What," she said, equally breathless.

"Your faith in your old beast." he teased.

"Uhmm," she murmured, as she held the length of him, "old's never been a problem."

"Let's hope," he joked, "it never is."

"Derek," she said, gazing into his eyes, "stop talking."

"Bossy," he chuckled, "definitely love bossy," he said upon her lips, and all but their passion took over as they began the first celebration of a week's worth of blissful moments.

"Derek," she whispered much later, "are you sleeping?"

"Uhmmm…"

"Are you?" She snuggled closer to him, her arm around his waist.

"Mer…it's really the middle of the night now," his hand rested on her arm, caressing her softly.

"Did you know about this?"

"What," he smiled, resigned to postponing sleep, "that I'd be making love to you again tonight?"

"No," she laughed, "we knew that would happen for sure."

"Oh yeah," he said.

"Well, I guessed right…and you made it possible for us to leave early."

"I didn't quite work out the way you expected though," he teased her, and caressed her face and she lifted her face off his chest to kiss his lips.

"Not quite," she agreed, "but every bit as …"

"Satisfying…" he completed for her as he deepened their kiss.

"Oh…yes…" she moaned softly. "Very…except…"

"Except," he said, trying to sound offended, "you have an except in there when you woke me from a sound sleep."

"I did not," she laughed, biting his ear playfully, "and you always jump to conclusions."

"I jump to conclusions," he chuckled, "do I need to remind you…"

"Shut up," she told him, "the except was referring to the rice kernels I can still feel on my naked body."

"You can feel the rice kernels," he laughed, "my princess and the pea."

"Are you mocking me," she challenged him.

"Mer, it's a fairy tale."

"What…does that have to do with …"

"You never read that fairy tale, The Princess and the Pea?"

"Derek," she said, a hint of sadness in her voice, "you know my mother did not believe in fairy tales."

He gathered her in his arms, and told her the story, "we can go upstairs, sleep the next three hours in a comfortable bed."

"No," she said, "this is good…and I'm not a princess…so a few rice kernels won't bother me, and we can just fluff out the linens, get rid of any still remaining."

"Ah…but I disagree…you're always going to be the beautiful princess…when we tell our children our story…you are my princess."

"Derek," she said, looking up to him, her hand caressing his face, "when…when we have kids I want them to know all about fairy tales…and just be normal kids that know about fairy tales and dress up for Halloween and anything that makes for a normal childhood."

"They will have all of those things... I promise…and even better, they will know that their Mom and Dad had their very own fairy tale come true."

She took a deep breath, before she kissed him, "I love you…my prince charming."

"I love you," he said, "my chatty princess."

"Oh no," she laughed, "chatty is your trait."

"Mer…" he teased her, "you're the one waking me up to talk in the middle of the night."

"Would you have preferred we sleep through our one week anniversary?"

"We certainly didn't do that," he joked with her, "it's now I'm talking about."

"Well, if you would answer my questions instead of making conversation."

"I'm making conversation," he chuckled, "I was trying to sleep and you woke me."

"But you only had to answer my question."

"Which one of many," he teased her.

"Ass."

"Ah…she hasn't stopped loving me," he kissed her. "What was your question?"

"See, you weren't paying attention," she continued to joke with him, "married a week and already ignoring me."

"Meredith, you're going to be sorry in the morning, when we have to be out of here in less than three hours."

"Derek," she said mischievously, a seductive smile on her face," where you're concerned, I've never been sorry in the morning," and their laughter echoed through the room filled with memories of the fated day, when a one night stand unexpectedly and amazingly brought two soul mates together for a lifetime.

"To answer your question," he said a few minutes later as he held her in his arms, letting her know he had indeed been paying attention, "no, I did not know about this, I found out at the same time you did."

"It was kind of hard to make it upstairs," she said, thinking about the moment they walked in the door and found the foyer decorated with balloons and followed the reflection of the fireplace to find paper wedding bells on the screen, and a sign over the fireplace that said, _Roaring Honeymoon Sex_, and they had reached for each other in laughter, and before long found themselves in exactly the same position as their first night together, but Derek had told her to wait for him, and run upstairs to bring pillows and linens and the comforter that now covered their naked bodies.

"It was very appropriate, wouldn't you say," he reached to entwine their hands, and both instinctively pulled back a little to be able to look at each other, "tonight…just like how it all began, Joe's…the floor…"

"Two nights…" she said, "to always remember."

"And once again," he smiled at her, cocking his head, looking at her completely mesmerized, "you took advantage of me."

"I'd say," she leaned in and brushed his lips with hers, "we took mutual advantage of each other."

"Uhmmm…yes…yes we did," he smiled, and they shared a tender kiss.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Promise me something…"

"Anything you want…"

"We really need to get some sleep…but…tonight…will you let me take advantage of you again?"

"Uhmmm...I have to think about that," he teased, his lips on hers.

"Really," she taunted, nibbling his lips, biting his neck in playful flirtation.

"I think…I owe you something…"

"You do?" she asked, and intrigued by his comment raised an eyebrow.

"I recall something about…you wanting a sex slave," he said, and laughter again filled the room, as they reached for each other.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith…truly…adore you."

"My slave…huh…"

"Mer…your old beast…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Need to wait for tonight, I need at least two hours of sleep."

"So do I…Derek…so do I…you've worn me out tonight," she said and he kissed the top of her head, as she resumed her recently preferred sleeping position and fell asleep in his arms, her head resting on his chest, hands lovingly entwined.

"Meredith," she heard his voice, "wake up…"

"I don't want to…tired…want to stay here…"

"Mer…we're late, really late…we weren't upstairs, we didn't set the alarm…you have to get up…it's six thirty…"

"What…late…why…we just went to sleep…"

"Meredith," he kissed her lips, "wake up…Bailey's going to kick our ass…and probably even make me pay for you being late…"

That last comment got her attention, "what…what time is it?"

"It's six thirty…"

"Six thirty," she raised her voice, "oh crap…Derek…Bailey's going to probably take my Sunday away," she said as she quickly got up from the floor and looked around, "and it's all your fault."

"How is it my fault," he said.

"It's always your fault."

"Since when…

"Since always…you're the brainless…"

"That's not fair," he argued for the sake of getting a rise out of her. "I wasn't the one that got me up in the middle of the night."

She glared at him, standing naked in front of him, "you are seriously going to complain…"

He got up just as quickly as she had and reached for her and hugged her, "nope…in fact," he kissed her neck, "I'm willing to get in even later…"

She laughed and slapped his hands away, "I'm not…we'll finish this tonight," and ran up the stairs, and he followed her.

"We can save time," he told her, "take a shower together."

"In your dreams, we'll be a half hour late as it is, even if we leave in the next fifteen minutes, and you've already had a shower," she said looking at him and noticing his wet hair.

"Spoil sport."

"I'll make it up to you," she turned quickly and kissed him hard, "tonight."

"Derek," she said twenty minutes later as she rushed down the stairs, "did you make coffee?"

"No," he told her, "I picked up and took all our stuff upstairs."

"What are you holding," she said taking a blue rubber fish teething ring from his hand, "is this some kind of sex toy," she said purposely misleading him.

"Meredith," he looked at her, "you are joking?"

His expression was so incredulous, she could not help but laugh, and wasn't able to keep up the pretense, "I know it's a teething ring Derek, but what are you doing with it?"

"It was on the floor, when I picked up our things…"

"What else did you find on the floor? Do you think it's some kind of kinky toy left over from one of the inhabitants?"

"Just lots of rice kernels," he joked, "how much rice did they throw on us?"

"I don't know," she said as she raced around getting her things, "but maybe it all decided to nest on your hair," she laughed at her comment.

"You make fun…"

"I'm teasing you," she laughed again, "let's go Derek, I'm going to be in deep shit with Bailey."

"I've been waiting for you," he said, "I've been ready for…"

"You have not, or you would have made coffee," she looked over at him as they walked out the door, "where did that gift bag come from?" She asked, noticing the bag he had been holding, but she had not yet commented on.

"We missed it last night," he told her, "it was on the table with the flowers and a note, I brought it for you to open while we drive to work," he said and opened the passenger door for her, and placed the bag on her lap and kissed her lips briefly.

"Good morning," he smiled.

"Good morning," she let her lips linger on his. "We're going to be so late."

"I'm not scared of her," he laughed, "I'm her boss," and walked around to get in the car and turned the ignition.

"Right," Meredith laughed as he backed out of the driveway. "Keep on thinking that."

"What's in the bag," he smiled, and ignored her comment.

"Derek…" she began to say, "these people, seriously know too much about our private life."

"What have they done," he smirked, glancing over to her quickly, before concentrating on the road again.

"The teething ring mystery is solved."

"Really?"

She looked through the bag. "They got us condoms Derek…boxes of condoms…even glow in the dark condoms…and look, the card…they used a prescription pad, Derek…" she could not help but laugh, "I can't believe Bailey let them get away with it."

"I'm sure she didn't, what does it say?"

"Let's see," she said as she started reading the notes written in consecutive order, and showed him the cover where it just said, Meredith & Derek congratulations, and then she turned the page and laughed.

"Come on Mer…I waited for you to open the gift bag and the card, but you have to read it, I'm driving…being your slave."

"Really, driving is being my slave…"

"It's a start," he smiled. "Till tonight…your sex slave," and they both laughed before she continued.

"Should have know," Meredith said, "nothing gets past that woman."

"Bailey?"

"Uhmmm…yes, listen. If I know you two, you're going to be late to work tomorrow. My wedding gift…Meredith, you start at eight…my contribution to marriage. Miranda."

"Figures," Derek laughed, "she does not miss a beat."

"Derek…she knows EVERYTHING," Meredith said imitating her.

"Apparently so," he laughed.

"I'm the chief, should have written here first, but Miranda seems to delight in outranking me. Oh yes, using these old prescription pads was Yang's idea. Congratulations again, gift will be delivered now that you're back."

"He didn't have to get anything," Meredith said.

"We got married Meredith, wedding gifts are common."

"Yes, but we didn't have a wedding."

"Sure we did," he said, reaching for her hand, "and two wedding celebrations, three if you count the night we came home."

"Ok…we have less than 10 minutes to get to the hospital, so no more editorials," she told him, "let me read them all."

"Grouchy in the morning Mer…"

"I need coffee, and you didn't make any, and I'm not grouchy, I'm realistic, so just listen."

"Bossy…" he smiled and raised her hand to his lips. "I love you Meredith."

"Me too," she said, and squeezing his hand, placed a kiss on his palm.

"Go on…finish telling me what they said."

-Mer the sign idea was not mine, but we all agreed on the condoms. George.

-Boxes in the bag are extras, the cookie jar is filled again…enjoy. Alex.

"Oh my God, Derek, they really truly know way too much."

"Thought I couldn't editorialize."

"I had to," she laughed.

-You are free to make all the noise you want, we will be gone tonight and tomorrow.

We need sleep, and you have the house to yourselves. Izzie

-Roar away…and enjoy the champagne this time, costs a damn fortune. Mark

"See," Derek said, "you forgot to say, you're going to kill him."

"The champagne was good," she laughed, "and the roaring…even better."

"Uhmmm…I aim to please"

"Your aim is excellent," she teased, "perfect in fact," and placed her hand on his thigh and massaged it gently.

"You realize," he said, as he put his hand on top of hers, "one day you're going to make me drive off the road when you make comments like that."

"Just make sure if that happens we're on our land, so you can stop and do whatever it is you're thinking of right now."

"Tease…not nice…not nice at all…" he said, lifting his hand from hers and placing it on her thigh began his own playful teasing.

"You like teasing…I know that for a fact," she said, as they flirted with one another.

They came to a stop at a light about five minutes away from the hospital, and he leaned over to kiss her, "Meredith…all the teasing…payback…tonight…"

"Promise…"

"Count on it," he said, reluctantly pulling his lips away as the light turned green.

"Last one, I think from Lexie," she said.

-We are pretty sure you're going to be late and mess up our schedule, I hope you don't, but if you do…that may be the reason you get this bag without all the other stuff…we'll see…but, we know you'll enjoy the night alone.

"Oh wait, two more…" she said.

-Don't think we're going to cover for you being late every morning. This is it, hence the sign, make the most it.

"Mer…we need to disown our family."

"I think you're right," she laughed, "but you have to admit, even Cristina was helpful."

"She'll make me pay…somehow…she will," he said.

"You're probably right," she laughed.

"You said the teething ring mystery was solved," Derek said, "but you haven't said why."

"Oh, I read the last comment first, it was from Walter."

"Walter," Derek said surprised, "as in Joe & Walter."

"Yes," she smiled, "couldn't find anywhere else to write, think this was reserved for the _doctors_, but you guys were really late leaving the house, so I was the back up plan. Izzie gave me the key with instructions where to put everything, but I had the twins with me, and they wanted to play with balloons, sorry … a few popped, and had to take some with me to shut off the tantrum. Who was to know eight month old little people could be so assertive. If you find any stuffed animals or similar toys, they're ours, these two have been all over your floor as I decorated. Hope to see you soon. Congratulations on your wedding, I know Joe will have told you about our future gift to you. Walter."

"Teething ring belongs to the twins," Derek said, "now that makes sense."

"It was a really nice gesture," Meredith said, entwining their fingers, just as they reached the hospital parking lot, and when he parked, she waited for him to come around to open the door for her.

"You're not late," he said, kissing her softly, "you have almost forty minutes now before you start."

"That's good," she said, savoring then deepening their kiss, "we can grab a cup of coffee together."

"We can," he smiled, "let's drop things off in my office, and we can have coffee together."

"Derek…" she smiled, "last night…was amazing."

"Every night with you," he said, "every moment with you…is amazing."

"It is…" she agreed, "it is…" and she let him help her out of the car and they walked holding hands toward the hospital together, ready to face another day of saving lives, but most of all anticipating their night alone, a continued celebration of their first week of marriage.

They had to walk by the nurse's station on the way to Derek's office, "good morning ladies," Derek said, "thanks for joining us last night."

"It was our pleasure Dr. Shepherd, and we have coffee ready for you," Amy Lynn said.

"First of thirty days supply," Stephanie said, "my turn to pick up at Starbucks this morning," she said and handed them their coffee.

"This is great," Meredith said, "we didn't have time at home this morning," she heard the attempt at concealing the laugher.

"We figured," Tracy said.

"We overslept," Meredith said.

"Don't mind them," Lisette said, "they are laughing because the bets last night started as soon as you left."

"Bets again," Derek commented.

"Yes," Tracy said, "about how late you'd be this morning."

"Well," Amy Lynn said, "that was after the one about how late you were going to be getting to Joe's last night."

"There's just no end to it," Meredith said, "is there?"

"Probably not," Stephanie said, "it appears you continue to be the most entertaining couple at Seattle Grace."

"Shep," Mark drawled as he reached the desk and stood behind Tracy, whispering something to her. "Hope that champagne was worth it last night."

"It was," Meredith said, and walked up to him, "thank you for everything last night, you gave us a perfect celebration and a very beautiful and special gift."

"You both deserved that," Mark said quietly, unusually reserved and pensive.

"What are you doing here so early?" Derek asked Mark.

"Early surgery," Mark said, "in fact running late," failing to mention he'd agreed to let Lexie scrub in on his surgery and came in early to go over it with her.

"Lisette," Meredith said, "do you have a few minutes?"

"Of course Dr. Grey," Lisette said, "what can I do for you?"

"Actually, I have something for you…we, Derek and I bought some souvenirs for all of you… we told you, the same for everyone…they should be delivered this week, but I saw something I thought you might like and didn't think anyone would mind, it was a little something more for you…a baby gift…"

"Oh," Lisette said, surprised and unsure how to react given the circumstances, "that was very kind of you."

"Well, wait till you see what it is," Meredith smiled, and before she started to walk with her to the back office, she felt Derek's hand on her hip, and his whisper, "are you going to be ok?"

"Yes," she told him, and kissed him softly before she walked away.

"I'm sure I'm going to love whatever you got," Lisette told her.

"I'm not sure it's what you'd buy, in fact, it's not something I've seen here…not that I've paid that much attention to baby things," she rambled, "but this was handmade…in Italy…and I thought…well, my mother in law got something similar for Derek's sister…and then…when I saw it…I just…it's for your baby."

"I know this is not easy for you," Lisette said, "and it is so very thoughtful of you…"

Meredith took out a thin package, "they wrap everything there," she said referring to the gift paper, "even the smallest items, I had forgotten about that," and handed her the gift.

Lisette opened the package that revealed, an item she would not normally get, but was lovely nonetheless, "it's beautiful…you're right, normally we don't find this quality or designs here," she said referring to the cotton organza hand embroidered crib sheet and pillow case.

"They had several designs," Meredith said, as she reached out and traced the embroidery, "but, I thought, since you have a little girl already, maybe you'll have a boy…and she's old enough…and would like this," and looked melancholically at the design that showed a boy holding a large bath brush and a girl with pig tails giving a cat a bath as soap bubbles floated through the air. Lisette placed her hand on top of Meredith's, understanding how difficult it must have been to spend time selecting a baby gift, and they exchanged half smiles filled with unshed tears.

"I'm sure my daughter will love it, and we have a cat, and she's already talking about taking care of her baby brother or sister, so she will have a whole story about how they will bathe our cat together. Meredith, thank you…it means a lot to me."

"I've got to go now," Meredith said, as she got up quickly to leave, "I'm glad you liked it…wasn't sure…I've never really bought baby gifts for anyone…not before this trip."

Derek had waited for her and immediately put his arm around her, "ready to go?"

"Yes," she smiled. "have a nice day ladies, I want to make sure to get out of here on time today, I've got a date with my husband," she said and then they walked away, and she felt the gentle squeeze of her hand before he took a small detour to a deserted spot and just held her in his arms.

"Are you ok?" he whispered.

"I am," she said. "I was fine…"

"You're fine," he said, caressing her back gently.

"I will be," she conceded, "I will be fine."

"I love you," he soothed.

"That's what's making it all fine," she said and hugged him tightly to her.

The rest of the day was chaotic and they would not see each other again till the end of her shift, which was now moved to six because of the morning's adjustment. Derek was in surgery when she was able to get away for lunch, and joined her friends, putting up with the increased amount of teasing about their late arrival to Joe's and the expected comments about their evening alone at home and the rescheduled for the morning. Then, when she tried to find him, when he was apparently scheduled for lunch, it seemed that he had left the hospital.

"Hey," Meredith said when he walked in to the resident's locker room at six, "I looked for you this afternoon."

"I was here," he said much too quickly, "when were you looking for me?"

"Around three," she said, with a frown on her forehead.

"I'm sorry I missed you," he said as he walked up to her and kissed her.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Your car was gone," she said simply.

"Oh."

"Yes."

"I had a good reason."

"To lie to me?"

"I didn't lie…"

"You're right," she said, "technically you didn't…it's fine, you don't have to tell me where you were."

"You'll know when we get home, ok?"

"Ok."

"Meredith…"

"It's ok…" she assured him, brushing his lips, "I trust you."

"You're saying that now to make me feel guilty," he pouted.

"I am not," she actually laughed at him, "stop pouting."

"You won't mind…once you know."

"Ok," she said again, "take me home…"

"Mer," he said when they walked in the door, "wait here…just for a few minutes…I'll be right back…please…" he said, and kissed her lips, "just wait for me here…ok?"

"What are you up to?"

"Sit down…relax…I'll be right back…"

"How about if I get us both a glass of wine, while you do whatever…"

"That's good…very good, there's actually a bottle out and the glasses…"

"Really?"

"Really…" he said, "I was here…this afternoon…I stopped by the house."

"You are going to have to tell me…you know…"

"I know…I'll be right back," and he disappeared up the stairs and joined her about five minutes later, "all right…let's go Mrs. Shepherd, join me in our room."

"Uhmmm…" was her only reply, as she sipped from her wine, and he pulled her along with him to their bedroom.

"Happy anniversary Meredith," he said as they walked in the door, and she could see the reflection of candles surrounding her tub. The water was running to fill the tub, and there were flowers on her nightstand, and he'd made the bed with the red sheets they'd purchased in Switzerland, and on top he'd placed one of the several items of lingerie she'd received as gifts at her shower.

"You did this," she turned to him, "this afternoon?"

"Yes," he smiled, "and also…this," he said as he walked over to his nightstand and picked up a silver photograph frame, the one she'd admired the afternoon spent shopping, a 1927 art deco frame, hand crafted to display its tortoise shell design with silver details at each corner, and when he placed it in her hand a quiet gasp escaped her.

"Our wedding photo," she was speechless, "how…when…" she continued to look at the photograph he'd placed in the frame, recalling all the memories the moment evoked, though she did not remember posing for that particular photograph.

"We got them today, they were delivered this afternoon, and I decided to also take our disk and get our photos printed, so we could choose what we want for our wedding album, but this…when I saw this one…"

"It's beautiful," Meredith said softly, "I don't remember posing for this," she said.

"I don't think we did," he said, "but I thought you'd like it."

"It's perfect, it makes me remember every single emotion I felt at that moment," she said, and the reflection in her eyes matched his, both reliving the moment they'd shared alone when she'd given him the lion tamer gift. She'd been in his arms, his arousal against her precipitating the desire to walk away from their families for a much needed moment of intimacy and privacy, and she'd had his arms around him, slightly leaning back as they smiled into each other's eyes, and then a photograph had been snapped capturing the poignant moment between them.

"I thought," he said, "I know you said you wanted this for our wedding photo, but I thought…when I saw this one, that…it was our moment…our private moment to share and we could pick another one to display…but this one…"

"This one," she said, looking at it again, "is intimately ours, for our bedroom."

"I love you Meredith."

"As I do…Derek…love you…adore you…completely."

"Are you ready for the rest of our week's anniversary?"

"Are you?" she teased.

"Your husband," he joked, and kissed her, "and sex slave…at your beck and call."

"When do we get started," she laughed, and began to undo the buttons of his shirt, but he stopped her.

"No," he said, "my turn at this…your slave," he smiled.

"Derek…" she warned, "if you think…for one minute…you're going to keep me waiting…you're out of your mind."

"Patience…is a virtue you know."

"Not tonight it's not," she laughed.

"I bet I can change your mind…" he reached for the hem of her sweater, his fingers gently caressing the exposed skin, delighting in her reaction to his touch, before he took off her sweater, and pulled her along with him to the bathroom and first shut off the water before the tub overflowed. He then continued to undress her, slowly, frustratingly so, kissing every inch of exposed skin, and she did the same to him before they immersed themselves in the warmth of the bath water filled with the lavender he'd bought for her weeks before.

"You're going to smell like lavender," she teased him.

"I love lavender," he whispered in her ear, as she lay back against him.

"You love lavender on me," she teased, "not sure how your patients will feel about a whiff of lavender on their doctor."

"They'll get over it," he said as the laughed.

"Derek," she said, as his hands on her body made her forget to form coherent thoughts or sentences.

"Uhmmm…" he said, his mouth on her neck, kissing her, sucking gently knowing the likelihood of leaving a love mark, uncaring of anything but bringing her pleasure, as she moaned while his hands roamed her body.

"Don't even think of taking things slow…"

"Why not…you like slow…especially when it comes to baths," he teased her, referring to her long ago attempt at taking things slow.

"Not anymore," she said, "I want you…now…"

"But," he teased her, his hands caressing her most intimately, "aren't you going to wear that flimsy piece of nothing on your bed…"

"Sex slaves don't talk," she said, and quickly shifted in his arms, and kissed him hard, and started to get out of the tub, when he held her back.

"You're leaving…" he smiled knowingly, and laughed at her answer, as she bit his bottom lip playfully and got out of the tub. He followed wrapping a towel around her but before they had a chance to dry each other off, he lifted her and carried her to their bed, and at that moment began a night of the most intimate of pleasures, where each touch, each caress further enticed the other, and the moans and appropriately the roars of passion gave testament to the lifetime commitment made one week earlier, and now thousands of miles away from the place of legends, the lovers unselfishly and exquisitely fulfilled the other's deepest desires.

A/N 8JUN09 - Thanks for reading...appreciate if you leave a comment...even if you hate it... so I know of your like or dislike.


	176. Chapter 176

_Thanks for reading and your continued interest. It's been impossible to write the last two weeks, but thankfully our fundraiser was a huge success with over 1600 in attendance. Time, in the form of narrative, begins to move the story along quicker in the chapters that follow, each one getting closer to her (their) dreams being fulfilled._

_p.s. Please leave a comment...couple words work, just to know you are interested in reading the next chapter, and if you don't like it, let me know that too. thanks, Jasmin_

**Ch 170 – Weekend Pleasures**

Meredith snuggled safely in his arms, the light snores a comfort to him, as they'd settled into the spooning position that had been a favorite for so long. Things, he thought as he simply held her, might be getting back to normal and relished the moment, the once rest disturbing snores now symbolized their lifetime commitment, as they lay together every night. Likewise, it was a reminder of how close they'd come, because of him, to losing it all.

Weeks before the renowned and oftentimes cocky neurosurgeon had met overt disdain; none more so than from those she considered her family, over the last break up incident between him and Meredith, and the entire hospital had apparently been privy to the fact that "McDreamy" had feet of clay. He'd been angered at first, that their private life continued to play a protagonist role in the rumor mill, but part of him had been pleased that there'd been more support for Meredith, and he had immediately recognized it was entirely up to him to redeem himself.

The break of dawn still distant, Derek reflected on the emotional journey that led to this moment over the last six weeks, and softly lay his hand on her abdomen. Sadness, unexpectedly and suddenly overwhelmed him, preventing him from silencing the sharp intake of breath. The last several weeks he'd been there for her, determined to be her strength, his own feelings tucked deeply away, trying to do all we could to make her happy.

Meredith stirred, somehow, alerted of the sudden change in him, and opened her eyes and noticing the still darkened skies glanced at the red glare reflecting three forty seven. Without saying a word, she placed her hand over his and lifted it higher as she entwined their fingers.

"Derek," she said her voice groggy and quiet, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," he answered too quickly, and kissed the top of her head, "touch of jetlag. It's early get some sleep."

Meredith squeezed his hand gently, "no avoiding. Remember…"

"I'm not," he squeezed back gently. "You don't need to be up for a couple hours."

"Derek," she said softly as she shifted to look at him. "I can feel your emotions too."

"I'm fine," he said without meeting her gaze

"No, you're not," she said, and gently caressed his face, the prickly stubble emphasizing the early hour of the day.

"I'm fine…" he avoided her gaze still.

"Hey," she said, and cupped his face, kissing him softly. "I love you."

"I know."

"You know," she said, choosing her words carefully, she wanted him to open up, not to create any anxiety that she doubted him, "and you don't love me back…you're not going to tell me…"

"Of course I do," he immediately met her gaze, "why would you think that?"

"Derek, I have no doubts that you love me…but, I also have no doubts that something's made you sad. As you held me, I could feel something's made you feel that way."

"Mind reader," he attempted to tease.

"Uhmm," she said and her words surprised him, "more like the certainty…of two souls…truly in sync…for a lifetime."

He smiled, at how much she'd changed, that she'd even admit or think that way, "I love you Meredith Grey."

"No mocking me," she leaned in closer to him, "about mushy…sentimental…"

His gaze did not leave hers, "I was thinking, how lucky I am to have you," he paused, "how lucky I am that you forgave me…after all I…"

"Ah…" she said, and brushed his lips, "that's not allowed," and then again, "we agreed Derek, that's all behind us…no more brooding…"

"I'm not…"

"Derek…we forgave each other…we've been there for each other…we've helped each other heal…we made a commitment," her gaze remained intently on his.

"For always," he said, and kissed her softly.

"For always," she whispered against his lips.

"I didn't mean to make you sad," he told her.

"You didn't. But you were…and…when one of us needs the other…that's what it's about…our marriage."

"When did you become the mature, level headed …"

She smiled, and then laughed, "are you implying you're mature and level headed?"

"Of course," he kissed her again.

"Of course," she smiled and deepened their kiss before pulling away. "You owe me something…"

"I do?"

"Forgetting…so soon…" she rolled her eyes at him, "and I though sex slaves were…"

"You said I wore you out," he teased, "that you needed a couple hours…"

"It's been more than that," she taunted, and pressed her naked body against the length of his, "and I'm going to be gone forty eight hours."

"Insatiable…" he smiled, "another word to add…"

"Derek," she caressed his face, "you just used up one of our daily quota…"

"Daily quota," he joked, "for sex?"

Her laughter filled the room, "seriously…sex quota twice a day…Derek we broke that record long ago," she smiled.

"Uhmmm…you mean the misunderstanding bit…I jumped to conclusions…"

"Yes…"

"I still have yours," he teased her.

"Oh no," she teased back, "you can't use mine."

"Mer…"

"Yes…"

"Now that we're married, we kind of share everything."

"Marital assets…about misunderstandings," she laughed, "I can live with that."

"I'm sure you can, since you're the one that usually…"

"Derek, don't push your luck," she told him with an obviously fake glare.

"I love you Meredith," he told her, knowing she'd interpret it exactly as it was meant.

"Derek," she whispered seductively, "make love to me."

"Your wish," he smiled as he kissed her, "my lady," he paused, before kissing her again, "is my command," and his lips captured hers and he complied, as they lost themselves in each other and the ecstasy of their surrender echoed through the walls of the house where they'd first come together, a house that had become a home.

"Meredith," she felt his lips softly on hers.

"Uhmm…"

"You need to get up," he said, and kissed her again softly.

"Why?" she grumbled.

"Because it's six ten in the morning and your shift starts at seven, and before you go you need to eat breakfast."

"What," she said in an almost panic, "I'm going to be late…why didn't you wake me earlier," she glared at him as she began to rise out of bed.

He pushed her back gently against the pillow and kissed her, "you have time for a quick shower and breakfast, which I'll cook while you do that, and then I will drive you to the hospital."

She smiled, "Derek…"

"Your wiles won't work on me this morning Dr. Grey," he teased as he nibbled on her lips.

"Care to bet on that," she taunted him, playfully biting the side of his neck.

"No," he said, "cause I'll lose," and they both laughed as he helped her rise from the bed and watched her walk across the hall to shower.

"So," Meredith began to say from the hallway, as she made her way to the kitchen, "what does a sex slave do for breakfast," she finished and heard Derek choke on his coffee.

"Sex slave. Dude, Sloan is right, you're really whipped."

"That's cute…Mer…sex slave…thank God we weren't here last night," Izzie said.

Meredith began her ramble, "what are you doing here…you said you'd be away and Derek why didn't you tell me, you just saw me and told me to come for breakfast and what if I'd walked in here totally naked. What would you have done then…"

"Relax Mer," Alex said, "we just walked in, Shepherd didn't know."

"Mer, it's not like you guys haven't been in here naked when we've come home before, I mean we did fill the cookie jar with condoms again," Izzie said.

"Ok…" Meredith said, "that's it…enough…you have to stop talking about our sex life…that's just…it's…just wrong, Derek, say something."

"You're right," he said as he handed her a cup of coffee, "you all are."

"What?" she said, "whose side are you on?".

"Alex's right," he smiled, thinking humor may be the best way out of the situation, and hopefully his tactic would result in no more prying. "I'm whipped. I'm her slave Izzie, I'll do whatever she wants," he paused, "whenever she wants…"

"Derek," Meredith reprimanded.

"Derek," Izzie said, "really…" she made a face in semi disgust, "TMI…we won't say a word. We can be discreet," she insisted, "really."

"Good, because if you don't, if you're not," Derek warned, "you can start looking for new living arrangements."

"Dude, you can't do that…we're her roommates."

"I'm her husband."

"Mer," Izzie said, "you'd kick us out?"

"I'm just the wife," she went along with Derek, and winked at him.

"Cristina's right," Izzie said, "you two…are disturbingly…mushy and…"

"Iz," Meredith interrupted her, "agreeing with Cristina is not going to earn you any brownie points," as she reached across the table and squeezed Derek's hand, "not with my husband."

"Sugar overload," Alex said, "I'm out of here."

"Wait," Meredith said, "why are you here? Aren't you working?"

"Off today, pick up forty eight hour shift tomorrow."

Meredith was finishing her scrambled eggs, "Iz, do you mind getting me the gift bag by door in the foyer. Alex don't go, I've got something for you."

"Sure," Izzie replied and was back within a minute.

"We didn't really spend a lot of time shopping, but wanted to bring something back for each of you, since you weren't there and we wish you could have been…not much… just a small token."

"Meredith, we have to leave for the hospital in exactly ten minutes, give them their gifts."

"You really didn't have to," Izzie said. "Mer, we knew you were on your honeymoon."

"We wanted to," she said, "it's not a big deal…"

"Mer…unlike you, " Izzie smiled and said in her usually bright excited tone, "I love surprises," and accepted the thin colorful package as did Alex.

"We also got you chocolates, in Switzerland, but there were eighteen boxes and Derek refused to carry them, so we had them shipped."

"Finally standing up to the wife," Alex snorted, as he opened his own gift, "proud of you Shepherd."

"Mer," Izzie exclaimed, "this is beautiful," she said as she glanced at the silk scarf, "it's exquisite."

"We learned that Como is one of the most important silk producing regions in the world, and I thought you'd like this…we weren't very creative about what everyone got..." she was excusing the fact that they bought everyone the same type gifts.

"It's beautiful," Izzie said and reached over to hug her. "It will always be special that you even thought about bringing something back while you were on your honeymoon."

"She's right Mer," Alex said in an unusually sincere and non wise cracking tone, "it's really nice," he said as he looked at the silk tie, "it will be for a really special occasion one day."

"He really loves her," Izzie mumbled when Meredith and Derek had left.

"Yeah," Alex agreed. "I think he does. She deserves that," he said, while a palpable tension filled the room, as the two glanced at each other, unwilling or unable to admit that they too shared feelings that neither was willing to explore.

The first hours of her forty eight hour shift set the tone for the rest. Chaos. Multiple accidents kept the operating room busy and it was not until late in the afternoon Meredith and Derek literally ran into each other as she turned the corner of a hall.

"Hey," he said, "if you wanted to see me…all you had to do…"

"Thank God, that was you," she said and wrapped her arms around him. "Horrible day," she said and hugged him closer, "lost three patients, a little girl who was six years old."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, uncaring that they were in the middle of a very public hospital corridor. "Did you have to tell the parents?"

"No," she sighed heavily, "before I got a chance to get there, the mother coded and the father spent a few hours in intensive care before we lost him. Drunk driver caused an accident involving four cars."

"Are you okay?" He hugged her tightly before he reached for her hand and began walking. "Have you had lunch?"

"No…haven't had time, it's been so hectic."

"Let's go then, you need to eat."

"Derek…I can't…I have interns running around and …"

"You can. Because if you don't, you're going to be running on fumes, and you won't be providing the care that is expected and I know you demand of yourself. No arguments."

"Fine," she agreed. "I am starving."

"Let's get something and eat in my office," he said.

"Ok," she smiled, allowing him to take care of her, accepting he would always want to do that, and she was finding that she didn't mind, and she too wanted to take care of him.

"Want dessert?" he smiled, when they had finished eating lunch. "We have tons of chocolates."

"The boxes arrived," she smiled.

"They did…" he said and got up to grab a box and place it in front of her. "I figured you wanted to give them out yourself."

"Maybe we should do it together," she smiled, as she savored a piece of chocolate, "now that we share…assets…and things," she laughed.

"Mockery Mer…" he teased her, "that's in the past."

"Oh yes…but not the sex," she said just as he placed a chocolate in his mouth, and almost choked.

"Shit, Mer…what are you trying to do to me…kill me…" he said after he stopped coughing, "this morning…and now…"

"Oh…" she said, as she got up and went to his side and put her arms around him. "I'm sorry…I shouldn't tease you about sex…" she said seductively.

"Damn right you shouldn't," he said, "unless…" he began, whispering in her ear.

"Dr. Shepherd, you're making me blush," she batted her eyelashes at him.

"I love you Meredith," he laughed.

"So do I Derek…so do I…and… you're going to have to live up to those…"

"Tonight," he whispered in her hear, "wait till tonight."

"Are you forgetting I'm here all night?"

"No."

"Derek…"

"Meredith…" he smiled, leaning in to her.

"Find me later?"

"Count on it," he said and kissed her before she had to leave.

He managed to time it perfectly and met up with her, bringing one of her favorite dishes for dinner and being realistic she told him to go ahead and distribute the gifts, as she did not know when they'd have enough time to do so together, and she rather their friends get their gifts. She did, however, tell him she'd give George his tie and that she'd love to be there when Miranda got hers and Tuck's.

Almost at ten that night, beyond exhausted, Meredith was able to finally find an on call room and lay down. She had no idea how much time went by before she felt Derek's embrace.

"Derek," she whispered.

"Hope you weren't expecting someone else," he said, "but how did you know it was me?"

"I could never confuse you with anyone else," she cuddled closer.

"Good…cause the things I'd plan for us," he said, joking with her, as he knew all she needed right now was to rest, and he'd been determined to be there. Spend the night at the hospital, in fact, to make sure she'd get some rest. Just as in the morning, concern for her was the driving factor. They were not talking about it, but he was still worried about her and would feel better after he had her appointment with Dr. Cameron and he could confirm that all was back to normal with her hormone levels and physical well being.

"You remembered …this morning…"

"I did," he said and caressed her lightly, reverently, "that's why I'm here."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

"I'm exhausted."

"I know you are, and I'm going to be here all night," he kissed the top of her head, "whenever you have a few minutes and can get some rest, I'll be right here."

"I'm sorry…I'm just exhausted…jet lag…and this killer day, and these interns do such stupid things…and I need some sleep."

"Meredith, I'm here because I did not want to spend the night away from you, and wanted, needed just to hold you…we have all weekend for everything else," he said, and felt her body succumb to sleep as she whispered I love you.

During the next hours of her shift, they managed to distribute all their gifts. Chocolates to the Fab 4, Richard and George loved their ties, but most of all, they each loved the gesture. Miranda was uncharacteristically emotional when after being delighted with the silk scarf, they gave her a gift for Tuck; a hand carved miniature wood fishing pole they had found at the market in Lake Como. Cristina, as did Izzie, loved the wooden combs.

Derek spent the second night of her shift working late and sleeping in an on call room, while his wife joined him for a few hours during the middle of the night.

"Derek," she whispered upon his lips at nearly seven o'clock Saturday morning.

"Uhmm…"

"My shift is almost over," she waited for him to acknowledge her, "do you want to get a couple more hours sleep here or should I change to go home?"

"Uhmm…" he mumbled, "come to bed."

She kissed him softly, "you promised I could have uninterrupted sleep…in our bed…after this shift."

He reached for her, "you will," he said, now fully alert. "How long before you're ready?"

"Ten minutes," she said, but saw how tired he looked, "but you know…we could sleep here for a couple hours before we drive home."

"I slept almost all night," he told her, "we'll go straight home."

"I love you Derek," she smiled.

"I love you too Meredith."

She fell asleep almost as soon as he drove away from the hospital, and when they boarded the ferry he decided to stay in the car and unbuckling her seat belt pulled her into him, holding her against him during the crossing. They had breakfast at a favorite spot when they disembarked, and when they got home, she showered and dragged herself to bed.

"Derek…" she called out to him.

"Yes…"

"Are you going to join me?"

"You mean, am I going to sleep the day away with you?"

"Yes…but…later…I hope we won't be sleeping," she said saucily, though he could see the signs of exhaustion.

"I'm going to run a couple errands in town, and when I get back…I'll join you."

"You didn't tell me…what…"

"I'll be back in an hour," he kissed her. "Now get some rest."

Two hours later, after having accomplished his goal, he joined her in bed; his hair still wet from his shower, and wrapped his arms around her. The two nights of uncomfortable hospital beds had taken their toll, and he too was soon claimed by exhaustion.

The smell of something burning woke Derek. Shit, he thought, Meredith must be cooking. "Meredith," he said, trying not to sound overly concerned.

"Hey," she said, approaching the bed, "you're awake."

"Something smells like it's burning…" he said.

She smiled, "and you assumed it was my cooking…that I was burning something…"

"No," he lied.

"Liar."

"I'm not…"

"You are. But, you're right," she scrunched her nose. "I put some pasta to cook, and came back to bed, and forgot. Noodles burned."

"Ok."

"But, I did manage to heat the meal Lexie left in the freezer when we first got back from Italy," she smiled, "so we actually have lunch."

"That's good."

"What, no jokes about my cooking."

"You weren't actually cooking…and anyone can forget and burn something…" he smiled indulgently.

"Oh, Derek," she smiled, and cupped his face with both hands before leaning down to kiss him. "I really…really love you."

"I really…really love you too."

"Are you hungry?"

"Meredith…" he raised an eyebrow.

"I meant food," she teased.

"That too…" he said and pulled her into his arms, and it was a long while before they had lunch, one which required reheating.

"Let's eat outside," he nuzzled her neck, as they lay in bed. "I'll call you when everything is set up."

"Derek, I already set the table inside..."

"I'll do it, you just stay here…I'll call you when everything's ready…"

"Derek," she said, detecting he was up to something, "what have you done?"

"You'll like it…trust me…"

"Uhmm…"

"I'll be right back," he kissed her, and got out of bed and began dressing.

"Ok," she smiled, "I'm beginning to like being served by you…"

"Mer," he glanced back at her, exchanging their look, "the slave only applies to sex…"

"And I wouldn't want it any other way," she laughed and got out of bed as well.

"Mer," he said, shortly after that, "lunch's ready, join me outside."

"What have you done Derek Shepherd," she spoke as she exited the trailer, and grinned.

"What do you think?" He called out to her, as he was a bit of a distance away, he too grinning from ear to hear, like an eager young boy excited to please with his gift.

"I love it…" she said, rushing to join him and wrapped her arms around him. "This is what you were doing earlier?"

"It was," he smiled. "Do you like it?"

"It's wonderful…" she said, as she looked around and saw the two teak lounge chairs with weather resistant cushions that he had placed under a copious tree canopy.

"Kat was right, there's nowhere comfortable in the trailer, and I thought this would be good, we could sit here…and teak's great for outdoors and if it rains it won't matter, and we can always replace the cushions, and we won't be stuck in the trailer all day…"

"Derek…" she smiled, and silenced him with a kiss, "you're rambling."

He chuckled, "guess that's catchy too…"

"Thank you," she smiled, and held her hand out to him, "join me," she said, and led him over to one of the lounges, "let's try out if two fit comfortably together?"

"That was one of the requirements," he smiled, and sat down first and then pulled her down gently, and her body rested comfortably against him.

The rest of the day was spent leisurely lounging outdoors, enjoying the bright sunny day, and they exchanged message with his sisters, all three back east thanking Meredith for their gifts, since Kathleen and Kevin had returned that week and they were all having dinner that evening. They also communicated with Carolyn, and Meredith specifically gave her details of their wedding celebration at Joe's and told her and his sisters they'd email photos of their wedding later, which now included the recent celebrations.

Early that evening they drove to town for what Meredith would later joke, was their first grocery shopping experience as husband and wife, and that for the sake of their marriage, they should make out a list in advance.

"Mer, we can't just throw things in the basket, especially all junk food."

"Derek, you've shopped with me before."

"Yes…but…"

"But what…"

"I couldn't really tell you what to buy then…it was for your house…"

"You did not just say that…" she glared at him.

"What?"

"Because we're married you can tell me what I have to buy…"

"That's not what I meant…only that before, if we shopped it was usually for your house…with a kitchen and pantry…and the trailer…it's small…"

"Oh…" she smirked, "I thought you meant…"

"Uhmmm…that's one of your quota…"

She laughed, and uncaring that they were in the middle of a grocery store, briefly wrapped her arms around him. "Good save…Dr. Shepherd."

"I love you Mrs. Shepherd."

"Even better," she hugged him tightly before continuing with their shopping. "You know, now that the chief is gone, maybe we could use his trailer," she smiled, "for storage."

They laughed heartily, and after they were finished enjoyed dinner at a new restaurant before returning home.

Relaxing in bed, they spent the rest of the evening looking through the wedding pictures Lucia had sent, as well as the disk with the photos of their trip, and reminisced about each moment that was captured. It took all evening and most of the morning hours before they were done, as poignant memories lead to urgent and other times tender lovemaking.

"Derek," Meredith said as they enjoyed the outdoors, and yet another beautiful sunny day, lounging lazily on the new chairs, "you know what I'd like…"

"Uhmmm…" he teased her, "ice cream…a massage…sex slave," he said and they both laughed.

"Let's go to the cliff…look around…talk about house plans…"

"You want to talk about house plans…" he said, as he nuzzled her neck, his lips lingering, making her entire body tingle with his touch.

"Yes…" she said softly, "it will take time…to build a house…"

"It will," he agreed, hugging her closer to him, shifting her body slightly to look at her face. "We can start…if that's what you want."

"I was thinking," she said, a bit uncertain, "if we're there…the actual site, walk around…we'll get a better feel for things…where everything goes…"

"It will…and we can go, and pick the best view for the living room…and the kitchen…that should also have a nice view."

"Derek," she teased, "did you forget who you married?"

"I'll spend time in the kitchen," he laughed, "and who knows maybe our kids will like to cook…and one day the house will be theirs…"

"I don't think they'll want it," she said, "since you're going to live to one hundred ten…I'm sure they'll have their own house by then."

"Smart ass," he chuckled.

"You know what's important," she said locking gazes with him, entwining their fingers.

"What?"

"The room where our kids will play…" she said, and he felt a lump form in his throat. It was healthy he thought, for their emotional healing, to talk about it.

"Yes…"

"And their bedrooms," she continued melancholically, yet with a serenity and anticipation that reflected gentle and tender excitement at the possibilities, and his heart swelled with pride at her emotional strength. She'd been through hell; in fact admitted to a terrible childhood, and then lost their baby and yet now he could feel each word she uttered was another moment of healing. "Their bedrooms," she continued.

"How many bedrooms," he asked quietly.

"Well…at least three for the kids, you know…like in my dream, but one of them can be the nursery…close to ours. It doesn't have to be that big…right…for a baby and when they outgrow it I guess that can become a playroom upstairs too…or something," the depth of his love for her had never been stronger as he listened to her talk of their future family.

"And what about our bedroom…" he whispered.

"A fireplace," she smiled.

"And the balcony…secure so the kids can't get there…"

"You remembered…" she said.

"Every detail you've talked about."

"Derek…" she said, surprising him, "are you happy?"

"Of course…I'm happy…" he caressed her face, "can't you tell? Haven't I shown you…let you know every chance I get?"

"You have," she said, "but sometimes I feel as though I've been so dark and twisty…and all these thoughts and doubts and fears threaten to overwhelm me…and I know…I haven't always made you happy," she said. "I distanced myself…avoiding," and thought of her drowning, the upcoming therapy sessions, and wasn't able to continue as she became emotional, and biting her lower lip looked at him, refusing to avoid, but afraid she might see disappointment reflected back at her.

"Meredith," he said softly, cupping her face, kissing the lone tear in the corner of her eye away, "you have always made me happy…being with you…your presence has always brought joy to my heart…and I've had my share of making you unhappy…of being dark and broody…and stupid…but, the moment I can look in your eyes, the moment when I hold you in my arms…my life becomes complete…and as you said…it's not about the sex…it's about the moment afterward…and the moment before…and moments like this…all of them…all of them with you in them…make me happy."

"Derek," she said, her voice filled with deep emotion, "can we promise each other one more thing…"

"Anything…"

"If we ever forget…forget all you've just said…I have those same feelings Derek…if we ever find ourselves taking each other for granted…or becoming unhappy…or if we're angry with each other, we'll remind each other of this moment, and so many others…that we'll always love each other…love each other enough not to forget that all we need is each other."

"Promise…" he said, and reverently caressed her face.

"Seal our promise," she whispered softly upon his lips, "with a kiss?"

"For always…" he said, and tenderly kissed her lips, and then the unbridled passion that never failed to consume them forced them indoors, and while the bright sunny day became momentarily cloudy, the two married lovers, undoubtedly destined to share a lifetime, basked in the happiness of their first pleasure filled weekend at home.


	177. Chapter 177

_A/N The scenes in this chapter, in particular the second half, I've had in my mind almost since the beginning of the story, and as I wrote of their honeymoon in Italy knew they , would happen. They've grown tremendously through their communication, and their commitment to each other is unwavering, but oftentimes, especially just a few weeks from their original break up, all is not, realistically cannot be completely healed, and some doubts are bound to reappear, but they will be resolved by the end of this chapter._

_Though the chapter became much longer than I ever anticipated and it is completely written, I'm posting in two parts, as longer chapters don't get too many readers, and I do hope you will read them both. This chapter brings closure to a pivotal moment in their lives, but as you know by now, these characters can talk! From here, they move to the next chapter in their lives, their first month's wedding anniversary. _

_Thanks to all of you that are still reading and making comments, and to the new readers, you've no idea how encouraging your comments have been._

**Ch 171 – Heart aching moments - Part 1 **

Monday morning dawned entirely too soon, they both thought as they enjoyed the warmth of each other's embrace. The sun would be rising on the late side of the morning, yet the lingering darkness, unbeknownst to them and albeit momentarily, a reflection of the next several days ahead.

Meredith and Derek had managed to overcome, or at the very least deal with, most of the issues that had precipitated their last and final breakup. However, years of doubts and insecurities were not easily forgotten, and old patterns of behavior and survival based on avoidance would at times make an unwelcome appearance.

The always blaring and intruding sound of the alarm clock had her groaning, "I don't want to get up. I want to stay here," she said and pressed her naked butt against him, "with my husband," she smiled a bit wickedly, knowing the effect she was having on him.

He leaned over her and shut the alarm off, and nuzzled her neck, "I want to stay here too," he teased, attempting not to laugh at her taunting, and knowing full well they had enough time before having to get to work, bit her neck playfully, "but, we kind of have jobs to do, lives to save."

"I thought you said I could stay home if I wanted to, that I didn't have to work…"

"Uhmmm…you want to be a housewife," he said, as he caressed the length of her body. "I thought that was about being a stay at home mom, but if you want to stay home now…that's ok with me," he continued to tease her, "that will give you enough time to take cooking lessons …or baking, since you were most worried about baking cookies and cupcakes for the kids to take to school, so that gives you plenty of time to learn, if…you get started now…"

"Ass," she said, and shifted her body so that his covered hers completely, as she lay under him.

"But," he pouted, "do you still love me?"

"I guess…" she rolled her eyes.

"You guess," he said, going along with the playful banter as his desire for her was becoming more evident, "is there anything I can do…to make sure?"

"I think," she giggled, "what you're doing is exactly," she reached for him, "what I had in mind," and set out to show him how very much she loved him.

"Meredith," he said softly nudging her awake, "we're at the hospital."

"We're what?" she said, looking around sleepily.

"You fell asleep on me again," he smiled and leaned over to kiss her. "My mute, commute partner," he tried to make a joke.

"That is so lame," she laughed. "But, I am sorry I fell asleep. Your driving seems to do that to me."

"Uhmmm…I can think of times when you were wide awake while …" he laughed, "going along for a ride with me."

"Don't forget it," she laughed, "those are quite memorable…"

"Undoubtedly," he said, and got out of the car and walked around to open her door, and leaned in to kiss her.

"Derek," she smiled upon his lips. "Want to take me for a ride again tonight?"

"Break it up," they heard, and indeed broke away from their kiss. "Wasn't a weekend enough for you two? What is it with you and parked cars," she said enjoying their obvious discomfort at the reference of how she'd first found them, it was good she thought, to still hold that over their heads. "This is a hospital parking lot, not a movie drive-through."

"Ah…Miranda," Derek joked, "you're dating yourself."

"I didn't say I'd been to one of them," she retorted, "just that this isn't one of them," she actually joked, as Meredith got out of the car and the three continued talking as they walked through the doors of Seattle Grace together, "Tuck loved the fishing pole," she said, "not that he knows what to do with it," she glared at Derek, "but he knows it involves fish, and he keeps asking "fish momma…till I want to scream, so you're going to have to take him I guess…"

"Seriously," Derek said excitedly, "you're going to let me take him fishing?"

"Yes…but, you damn well better keep an eye on him, because if anything happens to him."

"Miranda, I have fourteen nieces and nephews, I can handle an almost two year old."

"Yeah…we'll see about that. Grey, whenever this happens, you need to be there."

"Me…what…I don't know about kids…or fishing."

"Well, figure it out…because you bought him a fishing pole," Miranda teased her.

"But, Dr. Bailey…I mean…" Meredith protested.

"It's not brain surgery, Grey, you'll figure it out," she said and walked away with a smirk on her face. It was going to be fun watching those two fishing with Tuck , she almost snorted out loud, they were crazy, if they thought she would leave them with him alone in the woods.

Monday had begun much like any other work day and they found stolen moments together during the day. Later they joined their friends for dinner at Joe's and drove home together, ending the evening making love and sleeping soundly in each other's arms.

Tuesday was a different story. Had they been really paying attention to the other, they might have avoided some of the unexpected tension, and understood that avoidance, even with the good intentions of sparing the other emotional pain, was not what they had promised each other. Derek had an early morning surgery. Her shift did not start until ten and she had an appointment with Dr. Wyatt that evening, one she had inadvertently forgotten to let Derek know had been rescheduled.

Derek heard the front door and walked to the foyer to meet her, "hey, I was worried about you," he kissed the top of her head, and put his arm around her, "is everything ok? You didn't respond to my text messages."

"Oh…I'm sorry," she said, "I forgot to switch my phone back to vibrate."

"What's wrong Meredith?"

"Nothing."

"Meredith…"

"Nothing's wrong," she said, and turned to him and brushed her lips against his, and continued walking to the kitchen. "You have not eaten?" she asked as she saw two place settings at the table.

"I was waiting for you."

"I'm sorry, you knew I'd be late, I wasn't expecting you to wait for me."

"I didn't know you'd be late."

"What?" she said distractedly, and poured herself a glass of wine from the already opened bottle on the table.

"Meredith," he was at her side and turned her around to look at him. "What's going on?"

"Nothing," she avoided his eyes, "let's eat."

"I'm not very hungry," he said suddenly disappointed in her attitude, and turned away from her. "I've got some research to do, a case that came in today. I'll see you in the morning."

When his words registered, he had already walked out of the kitchen.

"Derek," she said softly, as she stood beside the couch and looked down at him, "I'm sorry."

"Whatever for," he replied without looking up from the laptop screen.

"I love you Derek," she said as she sat facing him, "I've had a rough day."

"I figured that, but if you don't want to talk to me, I'm not going to force you."

"My appointment ran late, I should have called you."

"What appointment?"

"Dr. Wyatt."

"You didn't tell me," he said, his surliness now turned to concern, "or I would have been there when you finished."

"I sent you a text," she said, "earlier today, to tell you it was rescheduled."

"Didn't get it," he said. "You're obviously upset about it, how did it go?"

"Uhmm…it…just brought a lot of things…emotions…my mother," she said, and leaned in to him, laying her head on his chest, "not great."

"Can I help?" he soothed now, kissing the top of her head.

"You already are," she said and wrapped her arms around his waist. "Please have dinner with me," she said quietly, and felt his lips on her temple before they got up and walked to the kitchen, where they ate the meal he'd prepared and exchanged small talk, and she grabbed her phone to show him the text message when she realized she'd started to write but had been saved as a draft, as it had been right when she'd been paged with a 911.

They both got ready for bed, and when she joined him, he reached for her and simply held her. "I'm here," he said, "when you're ready to talk. I won't push you tonight, but we'll have to talk about it."

"I know," she said as she snuggled up to him, "but not tonight."

"That's ok," he said, and held her closer.

"Derek," she said several minutes later. "We really screwed up tonight."

"Yeah…" he sighed, "we did."

"I love you," she said and found his lips, "I really thought I'd sent that message."

"It's ok," he said, "I could have acted a little more mature, instead of walking out of the kitchen."

"We're ok?" she asked hesitantly.

"We're ok," he said and kissed her softly. "I love you Meredith."

"Me too," she said, and frowned slightly, an action he did not miss.

"Meredith…"

She gave him a half smile, one that did not reach her eyes, and she turned on her side, and he allowed her the emotional distance she obviously needed, but brought her body close to his and spooned her. "I'll be fine," she said quietly. "Just hold me."

"As long as you want," he said, and nuzzled her neck, kissing her softly, and for the first time since they were married, with the exception of the two nights of her forty eight hour shift, neither initiated lovemaking as they lay in the darkened room in silence, until she could no longer stand the emotional distance between them.

"Derek," she whispered, "are you sleeping?"

"No," he said, his voice hoarse in the attempt to hide the sadness he'd been feeling as she lay in his arms, emotionally distant for the first time since they'd been married.

"I need you," she said softly, and then a half broken sob, "I need you so much."

He shifted her body in his arms and met her gaze, "I'm here…whenever you need me…I'm here," he said, and softly pressed his lips against hers, and the taste of her tears were on both their lips.

"We really messed up Derek," she cried softly, "we didn't keep our promise…not to let the other turn away…"

"We did…" he admitted, "but you know…here we are…talking about it now, just a few hours after it happened, not days or weeks…so, we're doing better…much better," he said, "do you want to talk about it now? About what happened?"

"Is it ok," she said, "if we know…we know we have to talk…but not tonight, please…not tonight…it was all about my mother, and I'm not ready to talk about it…not all of it, but I will…"

"We can wait," he said, and kissed her gently.

"Derek," she said, as she entwined their fingers, "next time…my next appointment…will you come with me…be there…for the rest of it?"

"Of course," he said, and embraced her, murmuring words of love and comfort, "if that's what you want."

"It is," she said, "so I don't have to talk about it twice."

"I'll be there," he said and held her close, until her lips found his and then with utmost tenderness he made love to his wife. Each touch and caress matched by whispered words that brought her healing. However, her next appointment was not for another week, and it was impossible to escape the effects of the session, and Meredith's heightened sense of vulnerability.

Wednesday, Meredith was in surgery during Kelly's appointment almost one month from the date of her surgery, and Derek was partially relieved only he had to deal with the equally significant date approaching. They saw each other briefly before he went home, and spent a little time together before her patient was rushed to a second surgery, and at the chief's request that she monitor the patient, an old colleague of his, she was forced to spend the night at the hospital. The first night they spent away from each other in over a month.

She wanted Derek. He craved being with her. But neither spoke of their feelings, waiting for the other to say something. These tenuous misunderstandings would bring to the surface emotions he'd allowed to remain silent in the hopes of making things easier for her. The only purpose in mind her happiness, but instead avoidance triumphed.

Avoidance of his sadness when she'd turned away from him the night before, even when they'd talked about it, but she remained reserved about her feelings; avoidance of his grief after seeing Kelly and the inevitable reminders of their loss; avoidance of the heartbreaking moment he experienced when his sister sent the latest sonogram of his godchild; avoidance of the promise they had made each other to be there when the other faltered, especially when one may be holding the other at bay, as insecurities seemingly threatened their progress.

Derek met up with her early the next morning, and pulled her into a small examining room. "Did you get any sleep last night," he asked after he kissed her lips softly.

"Not really," she said leaning in to him for support, "not sure the patient's going to make it. He's a good friend of the chief's, so there was that extra pressure."

"You've been here almost twenty four hours," he said, "did you eat?"

"I grabbed a salad last night," she said, and looked up at him. "Are you mad at me?"

"No, why?"

"You never called me last night."

"Neither did you," he accused without meaning to. The truth was, Meredith was dealing with things as they arose, not waiting for misunderstandings to become bigger issues, but Derek was the one apparently holding back now.

"Ok…" she said, stepping away from him, "I hate this. Really hate this," she said, "after spending a wonderful weekend together, suddenly, we have all these misunderstandings, and I don't know why Derek…and you say I avoid…but something's going on with you…and you're not being honest with me…and you said…you promised you would," she said, "and…you promised…"

"So did you," he said, and she could see the wall, in the reflection of his eyes, the blue turned light, almost as light as grey impenetrable steel.

"Fine," she said, "be that way…go ahead and brood and…fine," she said and started to turn from him, when he grabbed her and pulled her into his arms.

"Yesterday was a bad day," he said, "I'm sorry…I should have been here last night, but I couldn't."

"You didn't want to," she said, "that's different."

"I couldn't," he repeated. "I didn't want to drag you down," he said and met her gaze.

"Derek," she said softly, her hand reaching up to caress his face, "we can't do that. It's those times, when we really need to be there for each other."

"Why didn't you call me?"

"The truth?" she said.

"Yes."

"I kept hoping you'd show up," she said, "like you have been doing, but I didn't want to ask," she tried to lighten the mood, "you know, have you add clingy to that list you have."

"We'd already talked about the need to finish the conversation about your session, but I didn't want to push you," he smiled apologetically, "and have you add annoying to that list you have of me…"

"We are two very stupid…"

"Brainless and lonely…unnecessarily," he said, and pulled her into his arms.

"Why did you have a bad day," she asked as she ran her hands, slowly, soothingly caressing him, up and down his back.

"Work," he said with a sigh, and again in an attempt to spare her, shared only half truths, "and I told you, Jenna was in one of her moods yesterday, nagging me about us coming home, and planning a family celebration," he said, hoping somehow he'd get to explain to her why he erased her email before she realized it, and that she would understand he did not want her to see it at work. If his reaction of grief was an indication, he didnot her to deal with that alone or at the hospital.

In the few minutes they'd spent together the evening before, he'd managed to erase Jenna's email from her blackberry. He'd asked for her phone, using the excuse of recording his sisters' numbers, but he knew Jenna's email would still be on her regular account and truly did want to spare her the feelings he'd gone through when he read it. An email that had evoked in him overwhelming sadness, as Jenna had sent them the latest sonogram of his godchild, and and when on to tell them, all his sisters really, as they were all copied, how worried she'd been she could actually be having twins because she was so much larger than her previous pregnancies, but it had all been miscalculations, and she was actually about three weeks further along than they had anticipated. The news and the images of her perfectly formed baby, on the brink of the month since Meredith's miscarriage had contributed to his somewhat irrational behavior, as he kept his own emotions tightly repressed.

They were very careful in respecting each other's privacy, though he'd given her his password to get in to his computer, she'd never abuse it; and he knew in erasing that one email from her blackberry, he'd breached her trust. But, his concern for her emotional well being overrode his guilt, and he knew he would talk to her about it.

"There's more," she stated, as she saw the various emotions reflected on his face. "Let me know when you're going to let me in on it. When you're going to talk to me about it."

Fate was not cooperating, as they were interrupted by her pager, or perhaps, it was fated that things unfold as they were. Because, in spite of, or perhaps because of this looming misunderstanding about to be unleashed, exactly one month after their heartbreaking loss, the course for dealing with all of life's unexpected curve balls would be set, irrevocably serving to strengthen the bonds between them, and yet another layer would be added as two hearts, no longer as broken, continued on their journey of healing.

Derek was in surgery when she slipped into the gallery, and pressed the intercom. "Dr. Shepherd," she said, at a moment during the procedure when she knew it would be acceptable to interrupt, and uncaring of their audience, spoke to her husband. "I'm off the schedule for the rest of the day. I emailed you the information you needed about the case we discussed."

Derek nodded, and they exchanged smiles, even if she couldn't see his, she could see it in his eyes, and he continued his surgery while she stayed a few more minutes before going home. He called her after the surgery, he'd been smiling at her message, but the news got worse, the chief of staff at Mercy West had called Richard requesting Derek for a complicated surgery, where he would ultimately spend most of the night. But, around nine that night, Meredith surprised him by showing up at the hospital.

Derek had just walked out of the OR and was making entries on the chart, when he felt her presence and turned to meet her gaze, her smile as she walked to bridge the distance between them. "You're here…" he sighed, and embraced her.

"I am," she said, holding him close to her.

"Are you ok?" he asked, as he kissed her temple.

"I am now," she said, as he reached for her hand, and walked to a small private room.

"I love you," he said, before he kissed her, both consumed by their need of each other.

"I love you Derek," she said, as he held her.

"I'm stuck here till we see how the patient responds."

"I know," she told him, "I just didn't want another night when I didn't get to kiss my husband good night. I can stay…if you want."

"They called in all their personnel last night, flew in several critical trauma cases; mine was just one more situation to add to the chaos. Don't think will find an empty on call room, but we can try, so you can get some rest. But, as much as I love that you're here, I'd rather you get some rest at home, and no," he said, before she could misinterpret his meaning, "it's not that I don't want you here, it's that I would rather try to get home as soon as I can."

"Derek, I'm not the one jumping to conclusions lately," she teased, "using all quotas in one day…"

"Uhmmm…" he smiled, "not sure if that's quite right, but I will make it up to you."

"Yes…" she agreed, and kissed him, "you should. I'll see you at home," she said, and walked with him holding hands to her car where he kissed her good night.

Derek walked in the door as Meredith was getting ready to leave for the hospital.

"Hey," he said, "why are you up so early?"

"The eighty hour week, my schedule changed since I had to stay more than twenty four hours one day this week, so now the rest of the week changed, I'm in at four," she said, and walked into his arms.

"This week's been a bitch," he said.

"Yeah…"she agreed, "it still is…"

"You ok?" he said, treading carefully.

"Yeah…you?"

"Tired, but…patient's going to be ok. I'll have to go over there later today, but after that, their head of neuro, who was on another case, will take over his care."

"I'll see you at the hospital," she said looking softly at him, "find me?"

"I'll be in around ten," he said, "call me, if you need anything," he said, as both avoided, for the time being, dealing with the significance of this day, and they kissed goodbye.

The day could not have been worse, or the timing more horrible for Meredith's emotional state. Early into the morning hours a two car accident came in, four passengers in one car with various degrees of injuries, all caused by a third car that fled the scene; the condition of the passengers in the second car were devastating for Meredith, as she was the one to meet the incoming case, a critically injured woman, unconscious and nine months pregnant, her husband bloody and hysterical as they were able to finally understand he'd been driving her to the hospital as her labor had began when a car had hit the passenger side of the door.

Meredith wanted to run away screaming, why of all days did this have to happen on her watch. The woman was critical and the baby was in distress. Meredith shut down all emotions, and went on auto pilot as they rushed her to surgery. The baby, thankfully a healthy boy, was delivered immediately. Meredith and the rest of the team remained working on the mother's critical injuries. Hours later, the woman had not yet woken up; the husband's injuries had been minor in comparison, a broken arm and couple of cracked ribs, but had refused treatment until his wife was out of danger, until finally Callie convinced him to care for his injuries and the bone in his arm was reset and placed in a cast. He, however, reacted by refusing to see the baby until his wife could.

Meredith stood at the nursery window, holding all her emotions in check, watching the hours old baby boy with no name. "Mer," Alex saw her and went to stand by her, "are you ok?"

"Yeah," she said, snapping out of her increasingly darkened thoughts.

"Should you be here?" He asked, as he'd noticed the glimmer of tears in her eyes.

"Delivered that baby this morning, the mother's critical."

"You were in early today," he said, "have you had breakfast?"

"Did Derek put you up to this?" she tried to joke.

"No, but I know you," he said. "Mer, we should go."

"I will, later," she said, "I have a few minutes. They're so innocent, and for some…even their arrival is tragic…it's not fair."

"Let's go," Alex insisted. "I'll buy you breakfast."

"Thanks Alex, but I'll eat something later," she said as she continued to stand in front of the nursery window.

"Karev," Derek said, "you paged."

"Have you seen Mer? I think something's wrong. Thought you should know, she was by the nursery window earlier, and she'd been crying. But, even when I told her I'd buy her a late breakfast, she stayed."

"Thanks Alex," Derek said, now more concerned than he'd been earlier, "I'll find her."

"Ok," Alex said, "but…don't wait too long."

"I won't. Alex," Derek said, "it's a rough day for her today, it's been a month since she had the miscarriage."

"Dude, that sucks…I'll try to distract her…when I see her later, behave like a jerk…like she'd expect from me."

"Be a friend, you mean," Derek said, "that's what you are to her, and Alex, you're her family."

"Yeah…" Alex said. "Dr... I mean, Derek, I'm sorry, I know it's not an easy day for you either."

"Thanks," Derek said, and walked away to find his wife. It, however, was not meant to happen, as she was scheduled for another surgery and it would be hours before they saw each other again. Derek was extremely frustrated by the time he actually met up with her, and none too happy to find her in the nursery.


	178. Chapter 178

_A/N This chapter is intended to bring closure to the moment for which this story is named, "Shattered Dreams," and lead the way to "Dreams Fulfilled."_

_The next chapter is their first month's wedding anniversary; followed by "a day in the woods" and then…two months later, relatives visit from the east… so, time does begin to move forward._

_Thanks to all of you that are still reading and making comments, and to the new readers, you've no idea how encouraging your comments have been. I know many of you thought the last chapter was a bit sad, but it was necessary for this next one, and as usual it became longer than expected, but rest assured this ends on a light hopeful note. I did go back and ended up adding about another 2000 words, and your comments made me want to do the best not to disappoint you. Hope you will enjoy it. _

**Ch 171 – Heart aching moments - Part 2**

Friday began as a horrible day. Except for the few minutes at three in the morning when she had seen Derek on her way out the door.

Meredith was nearing the end of her shift, and the newly delivered woman had not regained consciousness, while her husband still refused to see the baby until his wife was awake. It was something, he'd said, they were meant to do together, which meant the baby had not been held by either parent.

Meredith stood at the window and watched the baby whimper, then begin to cry and her heart ached for the tiny baby that had yet to feel his parents nurturing embrace. The Peds resident smiled at Meredith in recognition and waved to her to come in to the nursery.

"Dr. Grey," the young Asian woman luckily bore no grudges from the time Meredith interfered with her patient, "it's been a while."

"It has," she agreed, "how is he doing," she stood next to the baby, "has he been crying long?"

"More than I'd like him to. But, we have more babies than usual and really short staffed. Poor baby hasn't had any family members here. Apparently the family is all out of state and will be coming in tomorrow. But the father hasn't been in…we've asked, but…"

"I know," Meredith said, "I was there when he was delivered. The mom's still critical."

The baby turned red from crying, and the young doctor checked him over, "he's in good condition, excellent in fact for the traumatic and urgent delivery. APGAR was a seven at birth…ten shortly after that. He's a big baby and hungry again, I'll let the nurse know to feed him first."

"Can I," Meredith said before she even realized the words came out of her mouth, "you're short staffed, and my shift just ended, can I help and feed him?"

"Dr. Grey that would be great, he hasn't really been held or cuddled and I'm sure that will help him settle down."

"Ok," Meredith sighed, hesitant to lift him out of the bassinet, and the young resident smiled.

"Not much experience with babies," she said, and lifted the baby and handed him to Meredith, "if you want, sit in the rocking chair, I'll bring you his bottle."

"Not much," she smiled, "but…it can't be too hard, right?"

"Not hard at all," the young woman responded, "I'll be right back."

"Hey, little one," Meredith whispered when she was alone, sitting down and gently rocking. The baby's cries were unsettling, but started quieting as she snuggled him close to her, "you're beautiful, perfectly beautiful…all eight pounds of you…and I'm so sorry your mommy and daddy haven't been here, but they will be…I'm saying a prayer for your mommy that she get well really soon," she cuddled him, whispering softly, his crying still unnerving, but she was determined to soothe him.

The baby's mouth instinctively turned to Meredith's breast, and she gasped as she felt the full heartache of her loss, "oh baby…I won't be any help there," she said and felt her eyes fill with tears, "but, I bet…my baby girl can be your angel too…her daddy saved Kelly…and I got to be there to make sure you were ok…"

That was how Derek found her, and stood in front of her, as she turned the baby's face away from her breast.

"Meredith," he said, a little too gruffly, after hearing what she said to the baby. "What are you doing?"

"His mother's critical," she said, without meeting Derek's gaze, already sensing his disapproval, "nobody's been here to hold him."

"Dr. Shepherd, it's nice to see you," the young resident greeted. "Dr. Grey, here's his bottle."

"Thank you, I'll find you when he's done," Meredith smiled at her.

"Mer," Derek said, softer now, as he bent down on his knees and met her gaze, "this isn't healthy, not today."

"He doesn't have anyone right now," she told him, as she cuddled the baby closer to her.

"He has his father, and his mother should recover soon."

"But he doesn't have anyone right now, Derek…that's the point," she said. "You're making him upset," she cuddled him closer, the baby was getting more upset at the tone of his voice, and she soothed him, whispering tender endearments, breaking Derek's heart as he watched her, knowing how painful this moment had to be for her.

"They can take care of him here Meredith, please, until his parents can do it."

"I am not leaving," she said, and as the baby had settled a bit, placed the bottle in his mouth and he eagerly began to suckle for the third time that day, "but, you don't have to stay."

"He's not your baby," he said quietly. His hands placed on the rocking chair's arm rest, on either side of her.

"You don't think I know this," she said, as the unshed tears gathered in her eyes. "You think you have to remind me, I failed at that too."

Shit, he thought, how the hell had this conversation, this whole damn week got so out of hand. "You did not fail. Don't put words in my mouth."

"Maybe it's best we don't say anything else," she mumbled quietly, and turned her attention to the baby, who continued to suckle without taking a break.

"I'm not leaving," Derek said simply.

"He doesn't have anyone," she said after several minutes of Derek still leaning into her, "don't you think…if it was our baby…and we couldn't be there…don't you think I'd want someone to do this…do this for our baby…and not have to wait hours and hours for someone to hold him…and cuddle him…can't you understand…I can at least do this…"

"You saved his mother's life and his by acting so quickly…"

"Derek," she whispered, "don't…judge me for this…please…" the tears fell, and he quickly wiped them away, "not today."

"I don't want you to go through this," he said, kissing her softly, and resting his forehead against hers, the baby between them.

"But, I am…it's not going to go away if I don't do this," she said, "at least feel useful…not that I failed you…us…and do this…" she said as the baby continued to eat, and when he stopped, she placed him on her shoulder to burp him.

His pager went off, "shit."

"I'm fine," she said, "I am…you can go."

"You're shift is over?"

"Yes," she said softly.

"I'll see you at home," he said, "around six."

"Can we go to the trailer?"

"No," he was adamant.

"I want to go there Derek, just us tonight."

"No, Meredith, not today."

"Why are you being like this?"

"I won't have you wallowing…and reliving everything all over again…no…"

"Wallowing," she said as her eyes narrowed. "You think I want to go there to wallow. Have you any idea what I'm feeling today," she said, and the baby sensing her distress, began to whimper, and she cuddled him again and began to feed him the rest of the bottle.

"How can I," he snapped back, "when you won't talk to me?"

"You obviously wouldn't understand," she snapped right back, "as all you can see is that I'm wallowing…and whatever else…you're thinking, because obviously it can't matter to you as much as it…"

"Do not," he warned her. "Do not even consider finishing that statement. You know damn well how much it matters to me…how much you matter…"

Hi pager went off again, and he was going to turn it off.

"It's 911, Derek, you can't turn that off."

"This," he whispered in a low unrecognizable tone, "is infinitely more important."

The baby began to fuss, and Meredith looked between the two of them, she knew she'd hurt him deeply with her words. "I'm sorry," she said, but her attention went back to the infant.

"We've said that far too many times this week," he told her. "It's beginning to lose its meaning," he said and got up from his bent position, "do whatever you want Meredith, you obviously don't need me. Not today," he said and walked out without looking back.

Minutes after, the baby's father walked in, surprised to find her holding his child, "Doctor…"

"Dr. Grey," she said, "the baby was crying, and needed to be fed."

"Thank you," the man said, very emotional, "you saved my wife…and baby, thank you, I've been told you acted so quickly it probably saved his life. She's awake now…and first thing," there were tears in his eyes, "she wanted was to see the baby."

"I was sure of it," Meredith said, and got up to place the baby in his arms.

"Would you mind," he asked, "coming with me…I want her to hold him first…"

"I'll do that," she said, "but, what if I place him in your arms when we get there, and you still experience that first moment together…and you can place him in her arms?"

"She'd like that," he said. "Thank you, again," he said, and after letting the resident doctor know, Meredith followed the father, and witnessed the family reunion. She went looking for Derek immediately after, but he'd just scrubbed in. She went home filled with bittersweet regrets.

-Derek, I am very deeply sorry. Please call me. I love you.

She'd texted, but received no response, and yet she knew he'd finished his surgery and left the hospital by five. He didn't come to her house, so she drove to the trailer, but nearly ninety minutes after he left the hospital, he wasn't there and neither was his car. She put away the meal she'd brought for them, and then placed the small flower arrangement and a photograph on his side of the bed, and as tears gathered she began to lose what little control she'd somehow managed to maintain all day, and plopped down on the bed and let the tears flow, feeling empty and alone and desperately wanting to see her husband, clear up their misunderstanding, or whatever this was that had spiraled out of control.

Meredith lay on his side of the bed, thinking back to the rest of the afternoon after he'd walked out of the nursery. She was disappointed he had not replied to her text, but more concerned that he had not come home either, and once she assumed he was not going to, she drove to the ferry, phone in hand hoping for his call or text. She'd remained in the car during the crossing, needing the solitude, but returned an earlier call from Kathleen, which went to voice mail, her message indicating she was on another call.

Then, without a moment's hesitation she dialed a number, barely familiar to her but for a month, and the thought of the call remaining unanswered became unbearable when it too went to voice mail. Moments later, her phone rang and she heard the unmistakable and deeply concerned groggy voice. "Meredith, sweetheart, what's wrong…Meredith," the voice repeated when there was no sound but a deep broken sob at the other end.

"Carolyn," she finally spoke and the woman's heart ached at the sound of the broken voice, "I was so awful…so horrible …I told him he didn't care, that he didn't understand… and now…now…"

"Meredith, what is wrong…has something happened to Derek? Are you ok?"

"No, he's ok…I mean…physically he's ok, but we fought…and I was awful, and I broke our promise, and I'm so sorry…you must hate me…but I need…I needed to talk to you…"

"Tell me what happened, Meredith," Carolyn Shepherd spoke softly. "Start from the beginning."

"I know it's so early there…but…I…Derek's not answering my calls, and he's probably right, because I made him sad and angry, but…today…I just…and there was a baby…and he, he said I was wallowing…and I'm not…I'm not…"

"Sweetheart," Carolyn soothed. "I'm glad you called, and I would have answered right away, but I'm not used to the ring yet, and when I picked it up…you'd already disconnected."

"I wasn't sure…if I should call, but…all of a sudden I wanted to talk to you, and I know you didn't want to use the phone in Italy, it's long distance…but, we'll pay for the calls…I'll pay…"

Carolyn smiled, "Meredith, Derek's already paying for the calls, you used his credit card to set up the service, at least till I get back home. Now, you are right, it is early, in fact three in the morning here, so my brain's like my son's right now… you're going to have to start from the beginning…what's happened?"

Meredith, surprising or rather shocking herself at the level of trust and the strength of the bond she felt toward his mother began to talk, and though briefly mentioning the misunderstandings of earlier in the week, she gave her a detailed account of the last twenty four hours. "I don't know what to do," she sniffled.

"Meredith," Carolyn said after she'd finished speaking, "today is a very difficult day, for you both…and I think…no, I know without any doubts in my mind, when you see Derek, there will be an explanation as to why he has not returned your calls…because if there isn't" she said, "I'm going to be on the first flight out there, and knock some sense into him," and she was glad to hear Meredith response, "I bet you would."

"Yes, I would," Carolyn told her. "But, I'm sure…that you two will work this out…I guarantee it…because you've been in my thoughts and prayers all day today."

"We have…" Meredith said, "you remembered."

"How could I forget," she told her. "In fact, the first thing I did today, well yesterday actually, I ordered some sprigs of Lily of the Valley, and this morning I went to a small chapel and heard mass, and placed the flowers, in memory of my granddaughter, by a statue similar to what you and I saw in Venice."

"Oh God," Meredith whispered, and heard her mother in law talking at the other end, while she composed herself, "thank you…thank you…"

"Now, you listen to me," Carolyn said, "you wipe those tears off your face, and just wait till you see Derek, and no more crying…and right now, after all you've said, I'm going to insist when you see Derek, no more talking…just be there, sweetheart, just be there for each other…that's all you need. You're both hurting and all you really want is to keep the other from hurting…I understand that…but the two of you have to listen…not to words, but to your heart."

"I know," Meredith cried softly, "I know."

"I am willing to bet," Carolyn said then laughed, "forget I said that, I don't bet," she said actually trying to lift Meredith's spirits. "We'll leave that to Mark."

"Ailene… Carolyn," Meredith actually smiled, "I'm sorry I woke you I'm glad we could talk…it means a lot to me."

"I told you…you could call me anytime."

"Yes, but you said specifically, not in the middle of the night," Meredith said, feeling better than she had earlier.

"But," Carolyn joked, "It's not the middle of the night for you, is it?"

"No…it's not," Meredith agreed.

"All right then. I expect you to call me tomorrow, and tell me all is well with you and my son. So, just make sure you take care of that…and Meredith…no talking…just listen."

"Ailene…"

"Yes, sweetheart…"

"I needed you…thank you…thank you for remembering us…for your love…"

"I'm always here, Meredith…whenever you need me. We'll talk to tomorrow."

"Good night…" Meredith said softly, hesitantly, "good night…Mom."

"Good night sweetheart," Carolyn said, and her heart knew a bit of joy, "tell Derek I love him, I love you both."

Meredith's conversation with Carolyn allowed her heart to continue its journey of trust and healing. She'd never felt her mother's comfort, and in less than a month, this woman, his mother, had shown her more tenderness and gentleness then she'd had her entire life, and she cherished the moments she'd spoken to her and said a silent prayer of thanks.

When the ferry disembarked she drove to a flower shop she'd often seen, and asked if they had lily of the valley, and they did but for a wedding the next day. However, she noticed a beautiful dainty crystal vase with springs of the same flower etched on the glass, and she was told it was the gift for the bridesmaids, and they'd had one left as they had ordered four extra pieces that had sold rapidly. It was as exquisite as the price, and she told the florist she'd buy it, if they would fill it with some lily of the valley sprigs.

Meredith glanced over at the photo she'd placed on his side of the bed and dialed his number once again, as it was almost six thirty in the evening.

"Derek, please, just let me know you're ok," she said softly, as the call went to voice mail. "I won't say I'm sorry again, I understand that you don't want to hear that. But, I need you. Tonight, more than ever, and I hope…" she cried softly, "I hope you need me too."

Then, she heard it. The sound of a vibrating phone, and she went in search of it, and found Derek's phone by the bathroom sink and started to panic, but then, she knew, without a single doubt, where she'd find him.

She drove her jeep as fast as she could, not an easy task, through the muddy terrain after several days of rain, and parked her car next to his, and ran toward their cliff. Relief took over momentarily, as she glimpsed the solitary figure at the exact spot where she'd run to grieve a month earlier.

The sun still cast its rays over the plot of land that would be their home, its final descent nearly an hour away. She approached him quietly, part of her angry at him, part of her hurting for them both, part of her longing to run to him and wrap her arms around him.

Don't talk, she smiled as she thought of her mother in law's words, just listen to your heart. Meredith did, and ran to him stopping short of embracing him. She saw his shoulders shaking and held back, and then she heard his sob, and forgetting all but her love for him, wrapped her arms around him, and held him, and they both dropped to the ground in each other's embrace and words were not necessary as their tears and her gentle tender touch conveyed the love in their hearts. The silent voices of their hearts, that spoke volumes, tender touches that continued to heal, two hearts once broken and shattered trusting the other again.

The setting sun, weeks before had signaled heartache and discoveries, that neither would comprehend nor fathom could possibly be setting the stage and guiding their path to the inevitable and fated period of growth and healing, and leading them back to each other's gentle, caring and passionate embraces.

The setting sun was now witness to fate's inexplicable and circuitous road, especially this last hellish week that had irrevocably led two legendary lovers back to each other's embrace, and irrevocably sealed the fate of lovers meant to be together for eternity.

The setting sun, from high atop the cliff where they would build their home, had witnessed the last of their misunderstandings, as they listened to their hearts and the promises made over the last weeks of reconciliation, commitment and marriage would never be taken for granted again. There would be misunderstandings, it wouldn't be Meredith and Derek without them, but neither would risk causing the other the heart ache they knew they'd inadvertently caused in an effort to do just the opposite.

"I'm here," she said, "I'm here now…and I'm always going to be here," she said, controlling her own emotions, forcing herself to be strong for him. Because, he'd been there for her, a month's long of solid strength, and she realized it has been at his own expense, keeping his own grief deeply hidden, where his concern was only for her. Now, it was her turn to show him, she too would be there for him, for always.

"I'm …I keep…" he tried to speak, but she silenced him, cradling his face in her hands.

"No more regrets…none…Derek," she said, and kissed his lips, their tears on their lips.

"I," he said, "I keep failing you…over and over…"

"I could say the same thing," she comforted, "and today…we both screwed up…all week, we've been screwing up…but no more…no more…even if it takes this…these heart wrenching moments to realize it…we made promises…promises we failed to keep…"

"Not to pull away…or avoid things…never to go back," he said, echoing one of the many promises they' d made after they found out she was indeed pregnant. "We deal with everything together," he said, as they locked gazes, tears of regret still brimming.

"I know," he said, and he paused to be able to speak past the lump in his throat, "I know I can't understand what it was like…what you felt…but in my heart," he reached for her hand and placed it over his heart, "in the depth of my soul…I felt what it was like to lose our baby…to lose our little girl…"

"Please," she said, "please…don't…" she paused to wipe away her tears, "you don't have to explain…I know…and you loved her even before I did…that's helped me get through this and I'm sorry…Derek…I'm so sorry for today, she was yours first…you loved her first…and I have always known that."

"I'm sorry," he said, as his lips brushed hers, "I'm so sorry for today."

"Take me home Derek," she said softly, "let's go home," she said, and they wrapped their arms around each other before he helped her up.

"I love you Meredith," he said.

"I love you," she said and they held on to each other a while longer, as they watched the setting sun and nature's artwork disappear and the first stars appeared, bright and shiny, a reflection of the rest of their life together.

"Now," she said, his feisty wife back in full force, as she smacked his arm, and took his phone from the back pocket of her jeans, "what the hell were you thinking about, leaving this behind?"

He was incredulous at first, but then he smiled, they shared their smile. "I adore you Meredith Grey."

"Nice try," she smiled, and then they both laughed. "But…I'll let you get away with it, just today…don't do it again."

They'd gone back to the trailer and had dinner, and he'd teased her about her recent domesticity, which truth be told, meant she had picked up dinner at one of their favorite restaurants on the island.

They dealt with another emotional, but healing moment when they went to bed, and he noticed the small vase of flowers by his side, and the photograph adjacent to it, on top of an empty picture frame.

"What's this," he asked, as he picked up the photograph that Kathleen had taken of them the night when they'd shared the news of her pregnancy. His hand rested on her abdomen, his lips kissing her as she smiled at him.

Meredith had written on the back of their picture, "Derek, you are my life, my love, my soul mate… I will need you always…will love you always, Meredith."

Under it was the sonogram, and in the back she'd written, "Brianna, my most precious surprise…our angel." Below it, the date she knew she'd been conceived and the day of her miscarriage. From that moment as the years went by, those two dates and the day of their wedding, the vase would hold sprigs of lily of the valley, as well as other ordinary days, when either of them would fill the vase with dainty flowers from their garden.

"Meredith," he barely whispered, as he held them both in his hands, "it's…I don't…I don't want you to look at that picture…and always be reminded…"

"I do…of the night we shared our news…and our hopes…and I found a sister, and the best godfather parents could ever pick for their baby," she said, as tears filled their eyes, "and our baby…our very unexpected and precious surprise…made me believe in love and hope, and to pray when I had forgotten, but most of all…Derek, as I whispered to her before she was gone, she made us realize how much we love each other, and the joy of finding out about her…that day…the look in your eyes…I will treasure it always."

In yet another moment of immeasurable poignancy, he placed his lips over the two entwined hearts she had not removed since he'd placed it back on her neck a month before, after she had told him she did not deserve to wear it.

"Our hearts…entwined forever."

"Don't ever forget Derek," she said, and repeated the words she'd said to him, the night before their wedding, "you are my life."

"As you are mine," he said, and he held her close to him through the night, her face resting against him, his embrace solid as he held her, unlike a month ago, this time both were soothed by the unfaltering faith and hope of dreams that would one day be fulfilled.

"Derek," she whispered in his ear, "wake, up sleeping beauty," she teased.

"Uhmmm..." he pulled her into him and smiled, "you can't call me that."

"You have too many rules," she giggled.

"Mer," he tickled her, biting her neck playfully, "you're missing the point."

"I thought it was appropriate," she smiled, "didn't sleeping beauty sleep like for a hundred years?"

"Yes," he chuckled, "till the handsome prince kissed her."

"And they lived happily ever after," she smiled.

"Yes," he said and captured her lips.

"Derek," she broke away from his kiss, "I'm starving…and we really did sleep almost ten hours, and I have to be in at noon."

"Doesn't that mean we have a little time," he teased, "my princess…" he smiled.

"Uhmmm…" she said, as though pondering the possibility.

"Mer…" he said, interrupting her, "I've missed you."

"I've missed you too," she said, referring to the last three nights and the absence of lovemaking. "My prince charming," and with those words, began the fulfillment of their passion, in bed and in the shower.

"Meredith," he said, as he finished shaving, "are you ready, we can grab breakfast at Real Foods, a healthy breakfast."

"I'm just emailing your Mom."

"I thought you'd done that already," he looked over her shoulder and kissed the top of her head. Last night, as they lay in bed, they'd talked about all their misunderstandings and their feelings about the miscarriage, briefly about her therapy session and the conversation with his mother about the flowers, and then reason she'd bought the small vase.

"I just told her, we followed her advice, and listened to our hearts…and that I'll call her when I get a break during the day."

"I'm doomed, aren't I?"

"You mean, that she likes me," she said smiling, "and even Nancy is being nice, and probably take my side every time you act brainless?"

"That answers my question," he teased, and leaned in to kiss her, "but, she doesn't like you…Mom already loves you."

"You were right," she said, surprising him she was discussing it again. "It was better, that I did not have that email from Jenna at the hospital yesterday," she said, and glared at him, "but if you ever…"

He interrupted her, "Meredith, we spoke about it last night…and I told you, I knew I was breaching that trust between us…we've never done that…and you have my passwords, and you can have access to anything…I don't ever intend to keep anything from you again…ever…but, I couldn't bear the thought that you'd see it…yesterday, it broke my heart and I did not want you to see it…and I knew that deleting it from your blackberry was only delaying the inevitable since it would still be in your account, but I didn't want you to deal with it while you were working…"

"I understood, Derek…I did, and I love that you want to protect me, but nothing good comes from our avoidance…we've learned that lesson the hard way…"

"It won't ever happen again… I should have had you look at it while I was with you."

"It's ok," she said, and kissed his lips, "that one time, but, if you ever erase another email from my blackberry again, you will be…"

"A dead horse's ass," he said.

"Sit down," she told him, and then softened, as she looked at the picture of the sonogram staring back at her. "I did appreciate that you wanted to protect me…my feelings, especially yesterday, but we can't do that. Derek, she is having a baby, your godchild, my first…niece or nephew…that I have actually bought a gift for…and I am happy for her…and one day, we will be sharing our next baby's sonogram with our family."

"I feel like you've grown and matured years…and I'm still trailing behind, emotionally…"

"Don't worry," she smiled, and joked with him, "you'll see the regression after you sit with me at Dr. Wyatt's next session."

"Meredith," he said more seriously, "we still haven't talked about your mother…"

"Shepherd," she teased him, "today…lighten up…I need that…Derek…"

"Bossy," he smiled upon her lips, "I love bossy."

Meredith was working both days till eight, and again Sunday till six, while he had both days off. They'd agreed to sleep in town that evening, and since she was off Monday and Tuesday to spend those nights at the trailer.

They'd just ordered their breakfast, when she heard a familiar and heartwarming voice.

"Dr. Mewedith…Mommy…look…I told you…we'd find her…" the little girl ran to Meredith and Derek's table.

"Whoa…" Derek said, catching her before she threw herself at Meredith, "what did we say about running?"

"Dr. Shep, but I was so excited…I told Mommy I wanted to see Dr. Mewedith today…"

"But you still have to be careful," he told her, and lifted her to sit on Meredith's lap.

"I've gots something for you…" Kelly whispered to Meredith.

"You do?" Meredith smiled, kissing her check.

"It's a secret and a supwise…" Kelly's smile was radiant.

"Meredith, Derek," Colleen said, as she reached their table. "I saw her running here, but John's still parking and I couldn't catch up with her with the stroller."

"Hi, Sean," Meredith smiled at the baby, "you ready to have breakfast?"

"Dr. Mewedith, he's a baby…Mommy fed him at home. Cause we're having a late bweakfast and Sean only eats toast when we goes out."

"But, you're a big girl, so you have a big breakfast…" Derek said to her.

"Dr. Shep, I love the waffles with eggs and bacon," she smiled, "just like Daddy."

"Speaking of Daddy," Colleen said, "would you mind watching her, he needs to get something out of the car."

"Go ahead," Meredith said, "leave the baby," who was happily chewing on a stuffed animal's ear. "And please join us for breakfast."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly whispered, none to quiet… "you want to know my supwise…"

"But, if you tell me, it's not a surprise."

"Ok," Kelly seemed to agree with her, "I'll tells you my secret."

"What's that sweetie?"

"My friend Bwianna, she told me last night…she was going to gets in twouble with her grandma and grandpa, but she told me," she leaned in closer to Meredith's ear, "Kelly, Dr. Mewedith would really love to get flowers …cause she's sad," Derek took a deep breath. "And…she showed me, in my dreams cause I remembered when I waked up pwetty flowers…teeny tiny…and we twied and twied to find them…my Daddy did…"

"Meredith, Derek," John Mulligan said, "it's nice to see you… you saved us a trip," he commented as he placed a handful of sprigs of lily of the valley on the table next to Meredith. "This is from Kelly."

Derek reached over to place his hand over Meredith's and they smiled, and the moment would forever be etched in their hearts, as the little girl in her arms yet again brought comfort and healing to the woman he loved.

"Tolds you…Dr. Mewedith…they're pwetty…like you…"

"I think," Meredith kissed her cheek, "they are beautiful…just like you."

John and Colleen exchanged a smile, as they joined them, "well, I'm just glad we found these," he said, "you have no idea what it took…three flower shops…and finally she agreed these were the flowers she wanted. I was waiting to call you a little later, not to intrude on your day off."

"Meredith's working today," Derek commented, "so this was perfect timing."

"Thank you John," Meredith told him, "you have no idea how much it means to me. They're the same flowers Derek picked for my wedding bouquet."

"Told you Daddy, they was special," Kelly told him, and all the adults smiled indulgently at the little girl, whose life Derek had saved one month before.

"Meredith," Colleen who was sitting next to her spoke quietly, "how are you? I know yesterday must have been difficult for you."

"It was," she said, "thank you for asking. We share that day in common," she smiled melancholically, "and today…seeing Kelly, and how well she's doing…it's comforting, you have no idea how much so, for both of us…that Derek was able to be there."

Derek and Meredith walked to her car holding hands, the small sprigs of flowers in the other, and when she was ready to go, he leaned in to kiss her. "What are you going to do today?" She asked.

"Besides meet you for a late lunch?"

"You are so whipped," she smiled, "and that's not me talking, it's Mark."

"What would you say?" he teased her, nibbling her lips.

"That…" she said, and all the emotions of the last few days rendered her silent, and she simply wrapped her arms around his neck and held him.

"Hey," he said, gently stroking her back, "what's going on?"

"She brought me flowers," she whispered, "from…" her eyes were moist with tears, "from my baby…"

"She did," he said, once he was able to speak. "Beautiful flowers from your baby…"

"I…" she paused, "I didn't mean to say she was mine…she's always been ours…"

"Hey…it's ok," he kissed her softly, immense tenderness in his touch and in his words. "I think she meant for her mommy to have those flowers."

"Oh Derek," she said, as she cried softly, "it does hurt…it does…so much, and looking at Jenna's baby…and now…Kelly…it does hurt…"

"I know…love…I know," he said and held her until her tears subsided.

"I love you," she said, "I love you so much."

"As I do…I love you Meredith."

"Derek," she said, meeting his gaze, "do you think…I mean…am I crazy, thinking that there's a way…there's a possibility Kelly really knew…that somehow…she really talked to her…"

"I think," he told her, "that we've been given a gift…somehow a very spiritual gift to help with our sadness, and we should accept and trust that our baby…our precious surprise," he echoed her words, "wasn't meant to be here with us…but she is meant to be with us…"

"Beyond a lifetime…"

"Beyond a lifetime…as we will be," he said, and gathered her close in his arms.

Derek watched Meredith drive away, and held the sprig of flowers she'd ask that he take home for her and put them in water, and smiled a bit melancholically, and then as he drove back to the trailer, and idea came to mind. He knew nothing about gardening, but he was about to find out.

Meredith came home early that evening to the smell of a home cooked meal, and her friends sitting around the kitchen.

"Izzie," she joked, as she reached Derek's side and put her arms around him, "did you decide to throw another party and forget to tell me how many people are coming?"

"That only happened once," Izzie said, "and this time I baked you a chocolate cake."

"Bribery," Meredith smiled, "I guess could get you somewhere…"

"Well, just hoping to remind you about my baking skills and my cupcakes and muffins, before Derek starts talking about roommates moving out again," Izzie told her, while slapping George's hand away from the chocolate icing.

"The table's not set," Meredith said, "you gave a party and ate without me," she laughed.

"No," Cristina said, "Evil spawn told us yesterday your shift ended at eight."

"Be nice Cristina," Meredith said as she kissed Derek softly, "and he was right, but they had me scheduled only till six, I thought it was till eight."

"Mer," Derek teased her, "you do have a way of jumping to conclusions, thinking that we'd give a party without you," and they both burst out laughing, breaking the tension both knew was related to the day before.

Meredith walked over to Alex and gave him a kiss on the cheek, "thank you, for yesterday…and today."

"Yeah…" he said, "it's nothing."

"It's everything," she said and smiled, and then all of them worked to get the table set and enjoy the meal and light hearted banter.

"Mer," Derek said, as he took a bite of the chocolate cake on her plate, "you know the cooking lessons you were talking about, Izzie could teach you to bake."

"Oh…wait…no…" Izzie said.

"You wouldn't teach me to bake?"

"Mer," Cristina said, "you're being unfair…that would take a miracle."

"What would take a miracle," they heard Mark's booming voice as he and Lexie walked in the kitchen.

"Mer cooking," George answered.

"Miracle alright," Mark said.

"What are you talking about Mark?" Meredith demanded.

"Grey, it's not a secret, you almost killed Lexie when you cooked."

"That was her fault, for not telling me she was allergic to eggs."

"I thought dinner was after eight." Mark said, ignoring her last comment.

"Mer got out early," Derek said.

"And you didn't wait for us," Mark said looking offended.

"You didn't tell me Mark and Lexie were coming," Meredith said, "we should have waited for them."

"Mer," Lexie said, "don't pay any attention to him. I was supposed to be working till ten and only stopping by for dessert, and Mark is only here, well… because he got stood up."

"Dude," Alex smirked, "you got stood up."

"I did not. Xena, take that back."

"Ok," she smiled.

"Mark," Derek taunted, "do tell."

"Tracy went out of town," Mark admitted.

"And you didn't know this?" Cristina said sarcastically.

"Yang, stay out of this," Mark said.

"Tell the truth Mark," Lexie prompted trying not to laugh.

"Fine. Tracy got pissed at me, because I take it for granted we're going out, and didn't say anything all week, so when I called her this morning to make plans for tonight, she was on her way to Vancouver with friends for the weekend."

"Dr. Sloan," Izzie said, "that's like …failing dating basics 101," and they all laughed except Meredith.

"Then why were you at the hospital tonight?" Meredith questioned, realizing Mark and Lexie had walked in together, but missed the wink exchanged between them now.

"Actually," Lexie said, "Mark's offered to teach me some plastic and ENT techniques, and we were slow this evening, so he dropped by."

"Lexie Grey," Meredith glared at Mark, "what the hell do you think you're doing?"

"Grey," Mark said, "lighten up," he raised his chin, signaling to Derek, "she's a great student, one of the best I've had."

"I just bet you would think that," she said, and everyone snickered, "but YOU don't like to teach."

"Mer," Cristina said, "she's a big girl…he's right, lighten up."

"You…are just all," she said, "just…that is my sister…and you," she pointed to Lexie, "I want to talk to you," she got up from the table, "right now."

"What the hell just happened," Cristina said. "Sloan, she's on the warpath."

"Better that than seeing her unhappy," Mark answered.

"Wow," Izzie said, "you two just totally made that up…"

"Stevens what are you talking about?" Mark glared at her.

"You got Mer all riled up…" Izzie said.

"Tracy is out of town," Mark confirmed.

"But…what you said about Lexie being a great student, that was just …"

"Diversion, Stevens," Mark shrugged, "pure and simple."

Everyone looked at him astonished, the man whore had a soft spot for Derek Shepherd's wife, and Derek was going to kill him.

"What?" he said as everyone glared at him, but Derek.

"She can't lie you know," Derek told him, smiling. "Mer's going to get it out of her."

"Yeah…" Mark said, "it will earn me another smack in the head," and he went and sat next to Derek and spoke quietly. "Shep, I talked to Kat after she spoke with Mer this afternoon, and yesterday was really bad for Mer, for you both."

"It was," Derek admitted.

"Wait," Cristina said, after pondering the Mark Lexie exchange, "Barbie's right, you really just made that up?"

"Only the great student part," Mark said as he poured himself a glass of wine.

"Man whore with feelings…" Cristina said, "Sloan…you may not be so bad after all."

"She's not just your person Yang," Mark said, "she's my brother's wife."

"Dude," Alex could not help himself, "so was Addison."

"Karev," Derek warned.

"It's ok Shep, he's right. Karev, you ever want to work with me again, stop the shit. I know I fucked up with Addison. Meredith's a different story, and don't ever forget it, you're actually insulting her if you do."

"Ok," Izzie interrupted, "how about chocolate cake Dr. Sloan?"

"How about dinner first," Mark told her. "Lexie and I haven't had dinner," and with that statement, Cristina and Derek Shepherd exchanged a glance, one of mutual understanding that spoke volumes. "Oh fuck," they both thought, "the man whore and Xena are way in over their heads and there's going to be hell to pay."

Meredith and Lexie returned to the kitchen and Mark immediately felt a hand smack him across the back of his head, "shit Grey, that hurts."

"Consider that a warning for putting me on about 'teaching' my sister."

"Traitor," Mark said to Lexie.

"She's my sister," and sat next to him, "I can't lie to her."

"You're a good friend Mark Sloan," Meredith said, as she approached the table again, and placed a plate of food in front of him. "But…do not flirt with my sister."

"You have made that abundantly clear," Mark said, "Xena 2."

The evening was coming to an end, and it had fulfilled the purpose of the four friends that fate had brought together to become her family, each determined in their own individual way show her their love and support, except now the original circle of five friends, had become an unexpected group of eight.

"Lexie," Meredith said, pulling her aside as everyone helped clean up and began to make their way home, and reached for her hand, squeezing it gently, "thanks."

"For what," she asked surprised.

"The flowers," she pointed to the fresh cut assortment on the table "tonight, for being you."

"You're ok?"

"I'm ok."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Lexie."

"Xena," Mark said, "let's go, I need to drop you off at the hospital to get your car."

"She can spend the night here," Meredith jumped in, "or George can give her a ride."

"Mer," Cristina said, "she's a big girl."

"She's my little sister," Meredith told her, as she stood next to Derek.

"Mer," Derek said, "Cristina's right."

"What," Meredith said, exchanging looks between her husband and friend, "you two agree on something?"

"It's not so odd," Cristina said.

"Right, and hell's going to freeze over," she said. "Lexie, you're spending the night."

"Grey,she's in good hands," Mark taunted, "I'm only driving her to her car."

"That's what I'm afraid of," Meredith mumbled loud enough for him to hear, and bit her bottom lip to keep from smiling, she was going to have to grill Cristina and Derek, and then she had to email Kathleen and Carolyn… or Ailene, crap, she thought, she's just going to need to get comfortable calling her Mom.

Meredith went upstairs ahead of Derek, and he was already in bed when she got out of the shower and joined him.

"We have some very good friends," she said, as she dropped the towel and slipped in beside him

"We do," he agreed, "our family."

"Our family…" she agreed. "I love you."

"I love you too Meredith," he said and leaned in to kiss her, but she pulled away.

"What…" he said

"You and Cristina…it's a bit disturbing to have you agree on anything."

"So trusting…" he teased her.

"I trust you," she smiled, "but the two of you together…agreeing about and my sister and Mark…uhmmm…fess up Shepherd."

"Nothing to say," he grinned.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

She pressed her naked body intimately against his, and whispered in his ear, and he laughed and his hands caressed the length of her body, and she smiled at his already evident erection.

"Derek," she coaxed, "you know you're going to have to tell me," and captured his mouth, slipping her tongue inside and doing her best to entice an answer from him.

"Later," he said, as their tongues engaged in an ageless playful ritual.

"How about telling me now?" she teased, for the hell of it, all she cared about now was making love to her husband, and her hand reached for him and caressed the length of him, and thus began a night of their favorite things.

"Whatever," he said, short of breath, "you want, I'll tell you," he kissed her, "later."

"No self control," she smiled upon his lips. "It's sad. Really."

"You…" he said, in between mind drugging kisses, "want…" and his tongue and lips traveled from her lips …down her neck…to the swell of her breast, "self…control…"

"Never," she said breathlessly, "my untamed beast," and she smiled, and soon the rest of the household reached for their prized possessions…earplugs, while Meredith and Derek delighted in the sounds of each other's laughter, basking in newly created memories to treasure, as they thoroughly enjoyed a pleasured filled night of each other's favorite things.


	179. Chapter 179

**Ch 172 – Unexpected moments**

"Derek," Meredith suddenly squeezed his hand tight as they walked by through one of the many wooded areas on their land, and she glanced over what appeared to be recently disturbed soil at the foot of several trees.

"Uhmmm…" he said, as he continued his normal pace.

"Derek," she whispered as she came to a halt, "look."

"What am I looking at, and why are you whispering" he asked as he cocked his head and smiled at her.

"The soil by that tree, it's been disturbed," she spoke quietly, "Derek," the look in her eyes spoke of fear, "it was probably bears…"

"What are you talking about," he said, finally paying attention to what she was saying, as he'd been trying to distract her away from her discovery.

"Derek" she continued quietly, "bears hide food in underground burrows…or they cover it with soil…that's what it looks like… oh my God, we're probably surrounded by them, the bears…right now, just waiting for their next prey…and we're going to be eaten alive…and buried right on our land…your land…"

"My land," he chuckled.

"This is no laughing matter, and keep quiet…don't make more noise than…"

"It was our land…and now it's mine," he chuckled again.

"It's yours when it was stupid and brainless to buy forty acres with cliffs and bears…and we probably won't make it to the trailer."

"I adore you Mer," he said as he gathered her in his arms.

"Not for long…if we have a family of bears nearby, we can try to get out of here quietly, but they probably have a refined sense of hearing…and we're screwed…"

Kissing her hard, he smiled, and tried not to laugh again, "I do love you."

"You're laughing at me," she glared at him.

"Let me show you," he said, and reached for hand to walk toward the trees.

"I'm not going there…are you crazy," she said standing firm, and not budging.

He pulled her along, "would I put you in danger?"

"I don't know, you insist on building a house surrounded by bears and God knows what other wild animals," she continued to resist his attempt to get her to walk.

"Mer, bulbs were recently planted…and depending on the weather, they will be ready to bloom next spring and every spring thereafter, that's why the soil looks the way it does."

"You were gardening?" She asked incredulously.

"No…but I found someone that does," he smiled as she allowed him to pull her along.

"When?"

"Last Saturday, after we saw the Mulligan's…we have so much land, and I thought it would be nice to have flowers…that you would like that."

"You," she said, teary eyed as she squeezed his hand, "you bought lily of the valley bulbs, not jut any flowers…to plant on our land."

"I did," he said touched by her reaction and just as sentimental about the significance of the flowers, "every spring, around our anniversary…they will be in bloom."

She swung herself into his arms, "Oh Derek…you are my knight in shining armor…my very own prince charming…I love you so much…"

"I love you too Meredith," he said, and kissed her softly, tenderly at first, his gentle caresses leaving no doubts in her mind about how very much he loved her, how very much he was willing to do to make her happy. Then, as was inevitable between them, their passion and desire gave way to discovering a new an unexpected secluded area of their land where only nature was disturbed by their cries of fulfillment.

"Derek, you're always doing things for me, and I've done nothing," she said looking across to where the bulbs had been planted, as she felt his arms tighten their hold on her, while she lay comfortably between his legs, as his back rested against the trunk of the ancient tree.

"Nothing…" he said, his voice filled with emotion, and he nuzzled her neck, placing soft lingering kisses that never failed to make her body tingle with desire, "you forgave me…and found it in your heart to love me again…after all the times I failed you…"

"Derek," she said, softly, "it was never a matter of loving you again…because I never stopped loving you…"

"See," he paused and took a deep breath, "that…your words," he said, "that is all I ever need or want …just you…"

"Uhmmm…" she teased him, "just words…nothing more…"

"Mer…"

"Derek…I'm yours…for always…"

"For always…" he said, "as I am yours..."

"Derek…"

"Yes…"

She wrapped his arms closer around her, "do you really believe there's no bears in these woods?"

"I sure as hell hope not," he admitted.

"You what…Derek Shepherd, are you kidding me…you told me…"

"Mer…I can't lie to to you. What happens if one day…there's a bear…then you'll throw it back at me that I lied…"

She gave him her most threatening glare, "if there is ever a bear on this land…and you don't tell me about it…you are …"

"A dead horse's ass… I know…"

"No…a single father of three children who will never set foot on this land again."

"Mer…you know what," he smiled.

"What?" she snapped.

"I hear that bears hate lily of the valley…so I'm going to cover most of our land with it."

"You ass" she said as their joyous laughter filled the air, resonating through the woods, mingling with the sounds of nature, both having found the perfect harmony.

"Dr. Grey, Dr. Shepherd," Amy Lynn greeted them the next day, "haven't seen you in a couple of days."

"Believe it or not," Meredith smiled, "my husband gave up his next Sunday to spend yesterday, my day off this week and a mere Tuesday with me."

Stephanie smiled as she listened, and then said, "Dr. Grey, we'll let you in on a secret, but you may not be too happy about it."

"Oh no," Meredith said, "now what?"

"The bets are back."

"They're betting on us again," Derek said.

"With a vengeance," Mark said as he heard the last of the conversation when he neared the counter with Tracy.

"What now?" Derek said, and Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Well," Stephanie glanced over at Meredith and smiled, "Dr. Shepherd's McDreamy status is no longer questioned, so the bets are how long it will last."

Meredith laughed, "if that ever happens…" she winked at Derek, "it will be something we keep at home."

"Are you implying…" Derek teased her, and put his hand over his heart in mock offense, "I could regress?"

Meredith leaned in to him, and whispered in his ear, "are you forgetting our recent week from misunderstanding hell?"

"I love you," he smiled.

"I know you do," she laughed at his predictable response and kissed his lips softly, "and that's why I know, we'll keep it at home…"

"Uhmmm…not sure I like the idea that …"

"Derek," Meredith teased him, "it's us, using up our quotas…in private."

"Are you two finished with your secrets?" Mark smirked.

"Mind your own business," Derek told him, "and…how much have you bet?"

"I haven't bet…" Mark answered, and then leaned over to Tracy, "on that one…"

"Mark Sloan, I heard that," Meredith told him.

"I haven't done anything," he said, and Tracy turned her face away to hide her smile.

"Tracy," Derek said, "what do you know?"

"Nothing," she smiled at Meredith. "But, have to admit it's been sort of quiet around here without …you know…any betting going on."

"Dr. Sloan," Amy Lynn laughed, "you didn't!"

"Why do I get all the blame around here," he said, "I'm not the only one that bets…"

"No," they heard a teasing reprimanding tone, "just the first one to bet $ 100," Lisette joined them.

"Lisette," Mark scowled at her, "I'm wounded…you found me out."

"Oh, why not…I've bet on this one too," she smiled.

"You what," echoed six voices.

"It's a sure bet," Lisette commented. "You all know that."

"No," Meredith said, "we don't all know…so enlighten us."

"Dr. Grey," she laughed, "no offense to either of you…but, it's a matter of time…"

"What's a matter of time?" both Meredith and Derek said.

"Oh, just spit it out," Amy Lynn said, and Stephanie did just that.

"How long before," she paused and laughed, "sorry…I did not make this up…"

"How long before we hear roaring sexcapades from an on call room," Tracy said bluntly.

Meredith and Derek looked at each other and then at the rest of the group, and surprising them all roared with laughter.

"How long?" Derek asked, while still laughing.

"I bet $ 20 on a week," Lisette said.

"$ 25," Amy Lynn smiled mischievously, "three days."

"Three days," Meredith said in surprise, "starting when?"

"Yesterday," Stephanie said. "$ 20 on 4 days."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, "you are all incorrigible. I thought the bets were over."

"Dr. Grey," Tracy said, "this one…it's a fun bet. You are newlyweds."

"What did you bet Tracy," Derek asked.

"I lost already," she laughed.

"You lost," Meredith laughed, "already…how is that possible?"

"Well," Tracy smiled, "you were gone yesterday, so I said before your shift started today."

"How much did you bet?" Derek laughed.

"I was sure I'd win," she replied.

"You bet more than I did? Mark asked.

"You had the same bet?" Stephanie laughed, "isn't that insider information or something?"

"Doesn't count if you're in bed together at the time you decide," Tracy winked at Mark.

"Tracy," Mark laughed, "tell the truth."

"Fine $ 100…there was no way I thought I could lose."

"The two of you bet $ 200 combined?" Derek commented.

"Seemed like a sure bet," Mark smirked.

"Want to split it?" Meredith teased.

"Meredith…I'm shocked," Derek grinned. "You'd …"

"My shift doesn't start for another thirty minutes…" she smiled at him and playfully batted her eyelashes at him.

"I'm game. Deal?" Derek said and extended his hand to Mark to shake on it, and everyone looked at him and Meredith incredulously.

"What..." Meredith taunted, "don't you want to share in the winnings?"

"What the hell's wrong with you two," Mark said, "you're going along with this?"

"Why not?" Derek smiled, "you're all basically right, it's only a matter of time."

No one said anything, so Meredith spoke up, "you don't want to win?"

"It's," Mark said, "just wrong…you know…if you're in on it…"

Meredith and Derek exchanged glances, and they both laughed, while Meredith reached over and smacked Mark across the back of the head, "as if we would…"

"Shit," Mark said rubbing the back of his head, "Grey that hurt."

"Stop betting on us…or else…" she glared at him.

"You can't take anything back," he retorted. "You, well, you can't."

"You better make sure there's no more bets," she said, and turned to Derek and kissed him goodbye. "See you for lunch?"

"I'll page you," Derek said and smiled, cocking his head, their look exchanged.

"Should have said lunchtime," Mark mumbled under his breath.

"I heard that," Meredith turned around and smiled before she hurried away.

"Didn't she say she had a half hour before her shift?" Mark asked Derek.

"She was putting you on Mark," Derek shook his head.

"It's not as thought you two are strangers to on call rooms," Mark smirked.

"Ladies," Derek ignored him, "have a good day…let us know…" he laughed, "if any of you wins the bet."

It was a week prior to their first month's wedding anniversary, and both Meredith and Derek would be surprised to find they made similar arrangements for that day. Derek had already taken Tuesday of the current week off, displeasing Richard when he rescheduled several elective surgeries, and then appeased him when he offered to work two Sundays to make up for the disruption, both days which Meredith would be working. Meredith had traded the day with Alex in exchange for an extra Sunday the following month. Both displeased the hell out of Miranda Bailey and were surprised to be paged mid-morning to Richard's office.

"Hi Patricia," Meredith greeted, "the Chief paged."

"Actually, Dr. Bailey paged," Patricia smiled at the frown on Meredith's face. "Something about changes causing disruption and havoc to her schedule, just listen to her, she's more bark than bite."

"Patricia," Meredith spoke quietly, "I really appreciate being able to put you down as the contact for the package to be delivered, I emailed them last week and it should be here by tomorrow. I want it to be a surprise for Derek, our first month's anniversary, and anywhere else would have been impossible to coordinate the timing."

"It's my pleasure Meredith, and don't worry, the chief won't know," she smiled at her, "my boss can't keep a secret." But, I can, Patricia thought, especially as Derek Shepherd had the same idea and this morning a small box from Venice had arrived.

"What," Miranda Bailey said a bit exasperated as she waved some papers in front of them and glared at Meredith and Derek, "do you think you are doing to my schedule? And you," she pointed to Webber, "allowing them to create havoc with my planning?"

The Chief looked resigned to the verbal battle, which as everyone else, when Miranda ranted, he let her. He had a soft spot for one his most prominent residents, one he was proud to mentor, and one day would be proud to see her into the position of chief of surgery, his mind wandered to the future, at least, he hoped that would be Derek's choice for his successor. First, he had to decide if he wanted to retire, and if Derek would be the right choice, all that had to happen before Miranda would need to worry about those issues.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith was the first to speak, a bit confused, "I don't understand."

"You…and this stupid husband of yours, making changes and messing up my scheduling and that of the interns, do you realize how much work it takes to make sure each of you get has the proper rotation and surgeries…and then have it all changed on a whim…"

"Dr. Bailey," Webber started to say, "it's only one day…and it's their…"

"No," Miranda shook her finger, "don't you go defending him…" she looked over at Derek who was smirking, "and get that smile off your face. I told you, you got a week off but not to expect anything else, and I've already made more than enough changes…to accommodate you…being newlyweds."

"It's only one day Bailey," Derek said, and Meredith looked at him surprised, and he went on to explain the reasons for the changes, and had his wife smiling adoringly that he'd gone through all that trouble to spend the day with her. But then it was revealed, she had too as she'd traded with Alex, and both exchanged adoring smiles, with Webber looking rather pleased with himself.

"You," Miranda said, "all of you…just…don't make any change without talking to me, ever. I'm in charge of the resident's schedule…don't mess with it," she turned to walk out, "that's why I'm the chief resident, "and walked out leaving the three other occupants withholding their laughter

"And," Richard called out to her, "that's why I'm the chief…"

"Coward," Derek laughed. "You waited till she left to say that."

"Yeah…well, don't want to mess with her," Richard smiled, "not worth the aggravation. Carry on now, both of you, get to work."

"Chief," Meredith smiled at him, "thank you."

"Go on," he said, and had a bittersweet smile on his face. He never stood up for her, he thought back to Ellis' obsession with work and blatant neglect of her daughter. He owed Meredith Grey this much, even if he'd never admit the reasons for his now apparent leniency, not to mention he'd promised Ellis to look after her.

Miranda walked back in with a smirk on her face, "think you're so smart," and smacked down a piece of paper on Richard's desk. "This," she emphasized, "is the new schedule. Fools, she's trading off a Sunday to spend her month's anniversary with you," she snorted, "and you're scheduling yourself to work the same day. What kind of celebration is that?"

The three occupants in the office were speechless. "You keep forgetting," she glared at them, "I know EVERYTHING! Don't mess with my schedule again."

Meredith and Derek walked out of his office holding hands, both smiling at Patricia.

"She's become an old softie," Derek laughed.

"I'm behind you Shepherd," Miranda appeared out of nowhere, making Meredith let go of his hand. "Quit while you're ahead."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith turned to her to say thank you.

Miranda waved her off, "not one word," and walked away hiding her satisfied grin.

If word got around, she'd be accommodating the rest of her brood's dating schedule, and speaking of which she thought, and glanced back at the mesmerized look on Meredith and Derek's faces as they stood on the bridge, she was going to find Yang and bet that on call room was going to be put to use before the afternoon was over…and it was!

"Derek," Meredith said, completely out of breath, her hands on his shoulders as she let her body rest completely against his, "I don't think I can move…"

"You think," he said just as breathless, "I can…" as he held his wife's body against his.

"That was…" she said, her hands now wrapped around him, caressing his back, both allowing their breathing to become normal again.

"Afternoon of firsts…"

She giggled, "I'll say."

"First time," he chuckled, "in a supply room…"

"Since we got married," she added.

"First time we've had sex at the hospital…"

"Since…forever…" she said, and leaned back to look up at him, "since we got back…"

"First time," he smiled seductively, and kissed her leaving her breathless again.

"We were quiet…" she said a bit later, and their laughter resonated beyond the room.

"So much for that," he said as his lips kissed the swell of her breast, before he reached for her discarded scrub top, and then tied her pants at the waist.

"I love you Derek," she said and wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you too," he cupped her face in his hands, and smiled, "you have sex hair."

"Don't I always," she giggled, "you'd think we could do this without…"

"We can't," he smiled and ran his hands through her hair before he cradled her head and they gazed at each other lovingly. "I love your hair," and they kissed one more time before walking out of the supply room closet, unashamedly, holding hands and approached the desk.

Miranda Bailey looked up, grinned and turned to Yang and Sloan who happened to be at the nearby nurse's station. "Time to settle bets."

"Day's not over, Dr. Bailey," Cristina pointed out smugly.

"Yang, that may be the case," she answered, "but those two just acted like rabbits in that supply room, and that means, I called it."

"Fuck," Mark mumbled.

"Dude," Alex snickered, as he'd approached the desk just in time to hear Bailey's comment and witness the look on Meredith and Derek's face, "and plenty of it, I'd say."

"What did you call?" Derek said, not having paid attention to the rest of the conversation.

"Fools and rabbits," Miranda Bailey stated with a deadpan expression.

"Lions…" Meredith smiled, "maybe…definitely not rabbits."

"Grey," Miranda Bailey reprimanded, "you're my resident. We don't talk about this, your sex life…ever…"

"You bet on us," Derek retorted, "she can…"

"Shepherd," Miranda said, "all that hair making you more brainless."

Everybody snickered, and Derek went along with it, and smiled as Meredith kissed him goodbye and walked away followed by Cristina who told her she really needed to stop with the public displays of affection.

"So…Miranda," Derek teased her, "you gave in to the gossip mongers and joined the betting pool," and laughed as she glared at him.

"I'm not opposed to making money on a sure bet," she answered dryly, and began to walk way when she felt his arm rest briefly over her shoulder.

"Thanks for the schedule change. You are an old softie."

"Shepherd, already told you…I'm not a softie."

"But you're not old," he teased her at first. "How are you Miranda?"

"Barely hanging in there," she admitted.

"I'm here if you need me," he said.

"I know," she said, without breaking their stride, "you're a good friend Derek."

"So are you Miranda. The absolute best."

"Stop screwing around with my resident," Miranda said, back to her normal self. "This is a hospital, and there's work to be done. Patients to take care of, and don't think that McDreamy smile and the leaning and all…works on me."

Hours later Derek sat on the first floor lobby waiting for his wife, and grinned broadly when she approached. "What do you say," Derek walked up to meet her, "we have a quiet romantic dinner alone…"

"What are you planning on feeding me?"

"Whatever your heart desires," he smiled mischievously.

"That would be you…" she said in a low whisper and felt her heart leap with joy as he embraced her and whispered in her ear.

"Can't keep your hands of each other," they heard a mocking voice and several snickers as their friends followed Mark out the front doors, "then complain gossip follows you everywhere."

"Want to guess what the next bet will be," Derek laughed and kissed her lips

"No," she giggled, "but I bet we gave them plenty to talk about today…"

"Our first quiet encounter in an on call room," he smiled, "or storage closet."

"Until you laughed," she smiled as they walked to their car holding hands, "and did you see the expression on Mark's face when I said we had another half hour before my shift started."

"Want to give them more to talk about," he raised his eyebrows at her suggestively.

She smiled as the sparkle in her eyes matched his, and at the end of a day filled with unexpected moments; tender, bittersweet, romantic, passionate, humorous and sensuous; captured his mouth in a playful loving kiss.

_A/N – 8 JUL – Thanks to each of you reading, and a most special thanks to those of you that comment, truly appreciate it, the rest of this story is for each of you that has continued to be enthusiastic, and let me know you are still enjoying their journey._

_This chapter was pure filler… hope you like it, and if you do or don't…please let me know, the next chapter is their first month anniversary – "Treasured Keepsakes" Warm regards, Jasmin_


	180. Chapter 180

**Ch 173 – Thank you…sex?**

Meredith was feeling emotional, hungry, completely exhausted and cranky as she scrubbed out. The last thirty six hours had been grueling, and she wanted nothing more than pretend none of it had happened. Her session with Dr. Wyatt continued to create havoc with her emotions, she'd not eaten since lunch and the last round of surgeries had been brutally long. But, worst of it all, she wanted her husband and couldn't have him, and that made her cranky. Her body craved him, even if all she could muster energy for was sleep. She needed him, just a whiff of him would be enough right now to be able to start all over again, and she looked at her watch, in less than six hours time.

She walked out of the scrub room, dragging her feet as she made her way to the resident's lounge longing to call Derek, but it was almost midnight and he had an early morning surgery. It would still be another half hour before she could wrap everything up and go home, and stopped first at the nurses' station to write on the patient's chart, the full weight of her body somewhat slumped against the counter, and then her Blackberry vibrated.

-Miss you

-Me too (she responded immediately as tears gathered, and brought her index finger to her eyes to keep them from falling)

-on your way home?

-30 min

-hey no tears

-easy for you to say (she texted, uncaring that she was admitting to her vulnerability)

-can I make it better

-only if you were here

"How about this?" Derek had quietly walked up behind her and circled her waist, while nuzzling her neck.

"You're here," she whispered before she turned in his arms and embraced him, but not before he saw the tears.

"I'm here," he said simply, as though there was no other place he could possibly be.

"You were watching me?"

"I was," he said, "I've been waiting for you over an hour."

"I'm sorry, you should be at home, you have to be here early tomorrow."

"I'm exactly where I need to be…where I want to be," he smiled, lifting her chin and kissing her softly.

"Thank you," she said almost inaudibly.

"Hey," he whispered softly, and brushed her tears away, "what's this?"

"How did you know," she sniffled, "I needed you…desperately…"

"Uhmmm…maybe because I needed you too."

"You're mocking me or humoring me," she said softly, and kissed his lips, oblivious and uncaring of the speculative glances from a couple of nurses that actually smiled as they commented to each other about the couple's public affection, "and you're hovering."

"I love you."

"You're hovering," she whispered and held him closely.

"I'm not…" he attempted to argue, and reaching for her hand led them to the resident's lounge.

"Derek," she said when they were alone and the door closed behind them, "you, hovering…it's…"

"Meredith…"

"It's ok…" she smiled, as her eyes misted, "if you hover when I'm clingy…and emotional…and cranky."

"Mer…"

"I did need you, and wanted to call you, but you should be sleeping, what are you doing here?"

"Being a good husband…" he smiled, cupping her face, "hovering…over his clingy…cranky wife."

"It was a bad day today…yesterday…emotional…"

"I know," he said and kissed her softly and then walked over to the small couch and pulled her down on his lap. "I hated that I couldn't stay with you after your therapy session."

"But you were there," she snuggled against him and rested her head on the crook of his shoulder, "you were with me…until I got paged."

"I'll be there," he caressed her back, "whenever you need me."

"It helped you know," she said quietly, holding his hand in hers, "to finally talk about those things, about that day…"

"You were such a brave little girl, and I'm so proud of you…all you've accomplished, the woman you became all on your own…"

"Not always…" she tried to joke, but his expression became serious, saddened and instinctively realized he was thinking about implying she was a whore, telling her he didn't want to breathe for her, walking away from her.

"Hey," he said very seriously, and his next words confirmed she'd been right about his reaction, "don't ever undermine yourself...it's my shame…that I've let you down, and failed you so many times…my words, my actions, because, Meredith, you are truly extraordinary," he said deep emotion etched in every word. "And you, allowing me to be there with Dr. Wyatt and share that painful past, that horror you survived humbles me and makes me want to be that much better, need to be that much better …for you…the extraordinary woman…I love…the woman I can't imagine my life without."

"You," she said, "are not being fair," she cried softly, "you know I'm still an emotional mess," she clung to him, embraced him, breathed in the very essence of him, "even Dr. Cameron told us that yesterday when I had my appointment, probably another couple of weeks before my HCG levels are normal."

"You are not an emotional mess," he whispered. "You are the strongest, most amazing woman I know…and courageous, and you have survived things that most adults don't have the strength to do, and yet, you are …compassionate and caring…and now you are vulnerable and…"

"Mushy, emotional, sentimental sap…clingy," she smiled, needing to shift the conversation, "cranky and hungry."

"That's quite a list," he went along with her, "we're going to need to start keeping track of all these…"

"You're not disagreeing with me…" she smiled softly, and kissed his lips.

"We really are…mushy and sentimental saps…" he told her.

"Derek," she said as their gazes met, "I love you…so much...thank you…for being here."

"Hey," he cupped her face and caressed her cheek tenderly, "I needed you, just as much."

"I'm ok," she assured him, recognizing his need to comfort her. The appointment with Dr. Cameron the day before and today with Dr. Wyatt, Derek knew had taken their toll on her emotions.

"I just needed to be here…tonight…for both of us."

"I needed you too," she said, and nuzzled his neck, as he wrapped his arms tightly around her, "and…all the emotional…stuff…"

"Meredith…"

"Dr. Cameron said all should be back to normal…soon…you heard him, you were there."

"I know," he kissed her temple, "and you…being ok is all I care about."

"I am, Derek…" she whispered, "you've made that possible…you…taking care of me…letting me grieve even when it hurt you and you put your feelings aside. I know it hasn't been easy…and I've been an emotional rollercoaster still…"

"It's been a lot, and your hormones still aren't back to normal, Meredith, you still need to take it easy."

"Derek," she said softly, "Dr. Cameron said I'm fine…physically, and you know, the best part about our talk with him… I trust him, that there's no reason to be worried at all, being pregnant again…our next baby…that all should be ok."

"Meredith," he said, "you know…we don't have…"

"Ok…don't you dare…" she jumped in.

"What…" he said surprised at her tone.

"Don't you dare talk to me about you being ready to give up on that dream…"

"I wasn't going to," he smiled indulgently.

"Then what?" she said a bit annoyed.

"We don't have to think about that for now…we'll know, when the time is right."

"Oh…"

"Yes, oh…" he teased her, "you're using your quota for the day."

"Derek," she smiled and kissed him softly, "next time…"

"Yes," he smiled upon her lips. There was no need to explain what the next time meant to them both.

"You can hover all you want…even when I'll probably want to kill you."

"I'm going to hover and take care of you," he smiled, touching her face gently, marveling at the emotional strength of this woman he adored, "and our baby…and you're going to want to kill me?"

"Probably," she laughed softly, "just remember it won't be me talking, but hormones."

"I'll keep that in mind," he kissed her.

"I love you, Derek."

"I love you too Meredith."

"Are you going to feed me?"

"As a matter of fact," he taunted. "I figured you'd be cranky without food, since I knew you'd been in surgery over four hours, and did not want to deal with that when you got home so…"

"Ass."

"I love you too," he laughed.

"What did you bring me?" she snuggled closer to him.

"Fruit and salad," he said.

"Seriously…" she raised an eyebrow at him, "you didn't really…right?"

"Pizza," he admitted, and pointed to the nearby table, "and your favorite chocolate cake."

"How can I ever thank you," she teased him as she lay her hand on his thigh and began massaging her way higher when he caught her hand.

"Don't start what you can't finish," he told her, his voice husky with desire at the mere thought of making love to her.

"What…" she smiled saucily, "I can't thank my husband for being hovery and sexy…and feeding me…"

"Sex," he smiled, his lips on hers, "thank me," nibbling, biting playfully, "at home…let's go…now…"

"Derek," she whispered in a low seductive tone before she devoured his lips, "what if I don't want to wait?"

_A/N 15JUL09 - I'm posting one of the shortest chapters I've written in a long while, but you've all been very patient and didn't want to keep you waiting. However, was not in the right frame of mind for the one I intended as the next chapter, Treasured Keepsakes. This next one (ch173), the dialogue wrote itself and preferred to include it as a stand alone moments between them, that can now be put behind them before their anniversary celebration._

_It's been a rough week as our family said farewell to two loved ones. A cousin of lung cancer, two time Olympian, within a year of the diagnosis, he was not a smoker, ever. Then, unexpectedly, his great uncle, not related to me, but a great friend of our family and well known member of our community passed away in his 80's. So, there's been a bit of sadness all around._

_Thanks again to each of you for still wanting to read this story and for your truly inspiring comments. Warmest regards, Jasmin_


	181. Chapter 181

_Thank you all for reading and your lovely and thoughtful condolences. __The gifts, you may have forgotten…but I'd been waiting to write about it in this chapter. The story is getting much fewer readers/hits but you have been amazing in leaving comments. Thank you! Warm regards, Jasmin_

**Ch 174 – Treasured Keepsakes**

"Uhmm…" Meredith's mumble quickly turned to a soft groggy moan, then another as she became increasingly aware of his lips on her leg, then higher on her thigh right above her knee then his tongue teasingly on her inner thigh.

Derek smiled as her soft moans grew louder, no longer groggy, and then as his mouth traveled higher, in pleasure and he delighted knowing he was exclusively responsible.

Meredith moaned and then quickly became alert, "Derek…" she gasped, "what are you doing…"

"Uhmmm…" he chuckled, "that should be clearly obvious…" and kissed her inner thigh, lingering over one particular spot as she thread her fingers through his hair.

"It's…" she moaned softly again, "the middle of the night…and we just went to sleep…"

"That's " he said, his lips moving slowly up her thigh, "not quite the case, at least that's not what you told me..."

"Really," she smiled, "I'm talking in my sleep now," and she glanced at the clock. "That clock shows 1:31 … "

"So it does," he said, continuing his exploration of every inch of her legs.

"And you still haven't told me what you're doing," she teased him, fully enjoying the feel of his lips, his mouth, his tongue on her body.

"Connecting the dots," he smiled, "any complaints?"

"Uhmm…"

"Yes…" he teased, raising an eyebrow.

"I used to hate freckles," she giggled.

"And now…" he said, biting her inner thigh playfully.

"I love," she paused, enjoying his continued sexual taunting, "how you connect the dots."

"I know you do," he said cockily, and further elicited a pleasured filled moan.

"Kiss me Derek," she told him.

"What have I been doing," he laughed, as his mouth found hers.

"Teasing the hell out of me," she murmured upon his lips and began her own seductive and taunting caresses.

"Well, what am I supposed to do as my wife taunts and entices me …"

"I did all that," she laughed, wide awake now, "being sound asleep…"

"No," he said as his hands cupped her breast, "being sound asleep and naked in our bed with a sheet barely covering your body…which I crave…constantly…"

"Guess," her breath caught in her throat, "that's fair, since I crave yours, constantly too."

"Happy anniversary Meredith," he said breathlessly, as his mouth captured hers.

"Happy anniversary Derek," she said, pulling away from their kiss ever so briefly, "make love to me…"

"I plan on it," he nibbled her lip, and his mouth moved down to her neck and then lingering on that spot, discovered that fate destined prom night, along the base of her throat and the swell of her breasts, and thus began the first of many exquisitely intimate moments that would make her cry out in complete ecstasy in celebration of the first month's anniversary of their surprise and unexpected wedding.

"Just like our wedding night…" she said a long while later as her mouth trailed kissed along his chest, her tongue on his nipples as she teased him.

"Not quite…" Derek mumbled.

"That's true," she said in a low throaty tone, "you made me wait that night…"

"Don't recall any complaints…"

"None," she said, smiling at the unequivocal deeply satisfying groan.

"Except…" he said huskily," you testing my self control…again."

"Why would you say that," she teased, as she caressed the length of him, and smiled knowing she was entirely responsible for his state arousal.

"Meredith," he said breathlessly and effortlessly pulled her under him allowing her to continue having her way with him, until she shifted rubbing against him, her hands squeezing the length of him and he took complete control. Their bodies intimately molded against each other, the heat and hardness of his desire pressed against her, their moans of pleasure enticing the other and then he breathlessly stopped to tease, "my turn..." he said, "to make you lose control."

"Derek," she said moments before he joined their bodies, and their gazes locked, as they once again discovered the depth of each other's souls and simultaneously whispered, "I love you," and then gave in to their unbridled passion and mutual sounds of ecstasy and pleasure echoed through the small confines of the place that held memories that would last a lifetime, always reminding them of that one moment in time where they first discovered love reserved for soul mates.

Bodies still intimately joined, Derek whispered, "you're my life Meredith Grey," and she heard the deep emotion in his voice.

"As you are mine," she whispered back and they basked in the afterglow of a night made to celebrate a love of legends.

"Derek," she whispered softly.

"Uhmmm…"

"It was a night celebrating many firsts…it's special…"

"Our first month of marriage," he smiled, "a very important anniversary, indeed…"

"Are you mocking me…"

"No," he said, holding her closer.

"Do you remember…that night," she spoke quietly, a smile holding secrets revealed to him only, "the first time we told each other we loved each other…like this…"

"I do," he said, holding her closer. Long after, their bodies and hands entwined, she lay with her head on his chest, the glare of the moon illuminating the area of the trailer through the glass window above their bed.

"Derek, are you sleeping?"

"Do you want me to be," he teased her.

"No," she said, and he shifted their bodies so they lay on their side, facing each other.

"Why did you say it was a very important anniversary and then stopped?"

"Because you, my lovely wife, interrupted me."

"Oh," she smiled, "but you interrupted me too."

"Ok," he leaned in to her, cradling her face in his hand, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said as their lips met in a tender kiss. "I have a gift for you."

"You mean…mind blowing sex…wasn't it?"

"Well…it's somewhat related," she smiled seductively.

"I've a gift for you too," he kissed her again. "I was going to give it to you tonight at dinner."

"You're taking me to dinner?"

"I thought we'd do something special, I made reservations."

"Derek," she locked gazes with him, "just being with you, like this…it's all I need."

"I like the way you think Mrs. Shepherd," he chuckled.

"What?"

"I was going to say Dr. Grey…"

"Derek," she pouted slightly, "I'm beginning to get jealous of Dr. Grey."

"You," he held her face in his hands, "have nothing to ever be jealous of. You…Meredith…you are all I need."

"I love you Derek," she kissed him.

"Do you want your gift?" He asked a bit nervous and she noticed.

"Derek…why are you nervous?"

"I just…I hope you like it…"

"I'm sure I will…and I could say the same thing about yours, I mean…maybe it was silly and you'll think I'm foolish…but when I saw it, it just seemed so perfect…and I knew I wanted to get that for you…but, it's a good thing I did, because you got me something, but I really didn't know you're supposed to get one month anniversary gifts…and you did…"

"Hey, stop rambling, I'm sure I'll love what you got…and Mer you don't have to get one month anniversary gifts, and I think what's important is that both of us wanted to acknowledge this day as special."

"When did you decide to get something?

"In Venice," he said softly and smiled.

"In Venice…when, I mean…Derek…there was no time…we got married and we left, and I was with you all the time."

He silenced her with a kiss. "The day we got our wedding rings," and then another kiss. "Now, do you want your gift or want to wait till tomorrow night?"

"No, yes…I mean, yes I want my gift and no I don't want to wait, but you knew before we got married?"

He turned and reached over to open a small drawer and took out a small dark blue box that was embossed in small gold letters with the name of the jewelry store in Venice and placed her in her hands.

"You got me jewelry?" she whispered a bit surprised that he'd done it that day.

"Wait to see if you like it," he said, and truly was nervous about her reaction, especially as she lifted the lid from the box and then held the gold charm bracelet in her hands and gently touched each charm, and then when she looked at the last one, almost reverently, he heard the broken sob and saw the tears slide down her face.

"Meredith," he reached for her and held her, "I'm sorry…I'm sorry…it was insensitive, I shouldn't have done that…and today…I should just have put it away…not reminded…"

"No," she whispered as she held herself back from his embrace, and held his face in her hands and kissed him. "Derek, it's…" she paused, "it's beautiful…and that you thought of it…it's beautiful," she cried softly, "and I was so awful…so horrible to you…what I said…and you'd already thought of this…and I knew how much you cared…and I hurt you…"

"Hey," he said, and holding her face in the same way kissed her lips and tasted the tears, "we've put that behind us…please…don't cry," he said and wiped her tears away.

"You...this is beautiful…" she said and held the small charm in her hands. "A treasured keepsake…for always…"

"I knew how important it was to you…not to forget her…"

"I love you Derek," she said, and the tears did not stop, "I love you so much."

"I didn't want to make you cry," he said, his own emotions in turmoil.

"They're not sad tears, I promise…they're not…just…overwhelming…that you bought this…and then, your Mom had me wear her bracelet…but wait…you said you did this the day we got our rings?"

"I always remembered how special it was to my Mom, and even though I knew she was joining us it didn't really register, but it seemed like it would be a perfect gift, and I hoped you'd like it…and Mer…really…it was meant at first more as something private…between us…what we'd shared in laughter…and then…I knew it had to include this," he said, as he held the charm between his fingers, an intricately designed silhouette of a baby angel and in the back inscribed the word Brianna and a single date.

"You only put that date…the day…she was conceived," Meredith looked at him.

"We agreed," he said, his voice filled with emotion, "she'd be with us…beyond a lifetime."

"Oh, Derek," she sighed, "you are my knight…my prince charming…our little girl's daddy…for always."

"I love you Meredith," he said, once he swallowed past the lump in his throat, and then they simply held each other.

"Derek," she whispered softly, "thank you…"

"Thank you…for sharing my life…for spending the rest of our lives…together."

"Derek," she said wanting to get them back to the earlier lighter mood, knowing the depth of their emotions for all they'd shared in the past month would never diminish. "How did you decide on the rest of the charms?"

"Well," he said, both now on their sides, facing each other, "you should know all those answers," he teased her.

"Just want to make sure…" she smiled, "not sure about this one…" she said as the charms were obviously small, "it could be one of two…"

"I thought these would have meaning…just for us," he told her, "we can add more later."

"Our three children," she smiled, "just like your Mom's."

He laughed heartily, "Mom's three children, you eliminated Nancy…who else?"

"You ass," she laughed. "I'm not having five."

"Mer…one…or two…or none…whatever you want, that's what it will be."

"We're having three babies Derek…it's my dream…and you promised…"

"To make your dreams come true."

"Yes…" she said and kissed him with all the tenderness and love she felt for this man that had become her soul mate.

He took the bracelet and held it up, "I'm surprised at you Mer, you don't recognize these?"

"Shepherd," she teased, "don't be an ass…"

"She loves me, still…" he teased her, "twice in less than…"

"Derek…" she warned playfully.

"Otters Mer," he said smiling, "they mate for life…"

"I knew that one Derek."

"The bridge of sighs," he continued, "and we needed the gondola to ride under it at sunset…"

"For eternity…" she smiled, and kissed him, "I did manage to figure those out…"

"And notice," he said, "no horse's ass…"

Her laughter filled the trailer, and his heart warmed that she was happy. "Obviously, then, this is my panther…" she captured his mouth, "my insatiable untamed beast…"

"Yours," he said when they broke their kiss, "exclusively…yours…"

"For always…" she said.

"For always Meredith," and their lips met and in with that kissed sealed yet another promise made by lovers for a lifetime.

"Now…" she said, "you have to open mine."

"So you did have a gift," he teased.

"Of course…you've done nothing but buy gifts for me…and I wanted to have something special for you…all I got was that lame lion tamer…and this was special…for today, and I told you when I saw it… I think you'll like it…more so now…I'm hoping you'll like it," she said and started to get out bed.

"Hey," he stopped her ramble and getting out of bed. "I loved that lion tamer…and the iron key we can pass on to our children…and anyone else that gets married that we want to wish them the same kind of happiness we have."

"I've got to get your gift…"

"Where is it? I'll get it."

"In your car," she smiled.

He laughed, "my gift is in my car, and I didn't know about this?"

"Go get it," she interrupted him, "I'll explain later."

"Bossy, Mer…very bossy."

"You like bossy…"

"I really do…" he smiled. "Where is it?"

"Be careful with it, it's a heavy box in the trunk."

"How'd you get it there…if it was heavy…"

"Derek," she told him, "get the box, and don't look inside."

Derek threw a robe on and walked outside and was back within a couple minutes, and brought the box to her. "It is heavy."

"I know…" she smiled, "I had them ship it, because there's no way for you to miss it with our bags when we came back."

"You got this during our trip," he asked just as surprised as she'd been.

"Yes," she said, "open it."

"When?"

"Just open it," she told him.

"I told you before you opened yours," he pouted.

"Derek," she laughed, "you like surprises, I'm the one that doesn't."

"You've liked my surprises…"

"I've loved all your surprises…now open it, before I start on another ramble."

He took the box and noticed the label he had not see outside in the dark, "you had this shipped from Lugano, Meredith, this is from the antique store."

"I know, will you just open it already…and be careful with it…"

"So it's fragile…and you got it at the antique store…and I had no clue…"

"Derek," she raised her voice in frustration.

He just smiled and proceeded to take the item out, "it's bronze," he commented, and with that, she pushed his hands away and carefully took out his gift and placed it on the bed.

"It's…" he said and remained silent as he ran his head over the bronze statue.

"Derek…" she said, fidgeting with her bracelet, "you're very chatty…overly chatty…now would be a good time for that…"

"It's …I just didn't expect this…"

"You don't like it," she said, sounding very disappointed.

"No…I do…I just…it's beautiful Meredith, truly…and…our own private…"

"My untamed beast," she said and placed her hand on top of his.

"A panther…" he smiled, "absolutely perfect."

"I thought you could have it in your office…at home…when we build our house…for your office…if you liked it…but I hope you would…and it was sculpted by a well known French…"

"Meredith," he smiled, and then silenced her with a passionate kiss.

"You liked it," she said later, "really?"

"I do…" he smiled, "very appropriate…"

"I thought so," she said, "when we walked by and I saw it, I knew I wanted to get it for you…"

"Wait," he said, "you told me you wanted to see the frame in the window…the one I bought."

"I couldn't very well tell you why I wanted to go in…"

"So…you didn't really like the frame…"

"I loved the frame…but, this is what I wanted to see…"

"When did you…how did you manage to get it? I was there the whole time…"

"I asked for the ladies room…and you didn't question it."

"Sneaky…"

"No…" she kissed him, "determined."

"It's an amazing sculpture Meredith, the detail is incredible," he said as he ran his hand over the back of the feline, a patinated bronze on a stepped brown and black two color marble base.

"They told me it was a well known French artist, Rochard and probably from 1930, but what really sold me is when the gentleman told me its name was Panther."

"The name, huh…"

"And the way it looked so lithe…muscular…ready to pounce… made me think of you," she smiled seductively.

"Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled, "are you suggesting…I pounce…"

"I'm going to demand it," she smiled, and teased him with her lips, "often."

"Happy anniversary Meredith," he said and kissed her softly again.

"Happy anniversary Derek, I love you."

"I love you too…"

"Derek," she smiled, "it's really late…"

"Yes…"

"Do you think we should get some sleep," she said mischievously.

"Sleep…" he chuckled, "whatever for?"

"So…" she smiled, and entwined their fingers, "you can pounce on me…again…at the crack of dawn…" she said, and their joyous laughter filled the trailer they called home.

"Derek," Meredith whispered quietly as she sat on the side of the bed hours later, her fingers lightly caressing his naked chest, "good morning," she said and kissed his lips softly.

"Uhmmm…tired…" he said.

"I know," she laughed, "but…it's late…"

"It's still dark," he said, "come back to bed…"

She giggled and kissed him again, "it's eleven Derek."

"What," he opened his eyes, "it can't be…it's still dark…"

"It's been storming since dawn…"she said, "and we can't sleep the day away…"

"Why not," he teased her now, "it's why we're off today…"

"Well…" she smiled, "here I thought we were going to be busy all day…in bed…"

"Mer…" he laughed, "you really do have to remember I'm old…your old beast…"

"My insatiable beast," she kissed him, "and that is why I cooked breakfast…so we have the energy…"

"You cooked breakfast," he said, unable to keep the alarm from his eyes.

"You ass," she smacked his shoulder, and leaned back to get up.

"Mer…" he said, as she walked away from him wearing only his robe, "I'm kidding."

He closed his eyes, he thought for a second, which actually were a few minutes that took her to come back to the bedroom, and she sat next to him again. This time, a tray held breakfast, and he opened his eyes when he felt her sit next to him and got a whiff of her scent.

"Mer," he asked, "what are you wearing?"

"You don't like it…" she said matter of factly, as she was sitting in red panties and bra.

"This is new…"

"It is…" she smiled.

"Your shower gifts…" he smiled.

"Uh huh…"

"And…" he said, glancing over at the tray she'd brought, "you cooked breakfast."

"I thought I'd give you an incentive…to eat…" she paused, suggestively, "faster…"

"You really cooked," he smiled.

"I told you…it would be my specialty…scrambled eggs."

"From the internet recipe…"

"Down pat…and your other favorites…muesli…orange juice…coffee…"

"Mer," he said, as he reached for her and pulled her body into an embrace. "You know what's really my favorite thing for breakfast…"

"Fruits…crap, I forgot…" she teased.

"My wife."

"Derek," she smiled, "if this gets cold, I'm not sure I can guarantee two perfectly cooked breakfasts in one day…"

"Are you suggesting…we actually eat breakfast first…"

"Yes," she said, "I'm starving…and we'll need energy…"

"Mer…be quiet and eat," he teased her, and they in fact ate breakfast before becoming lost in each other again.

"Derek," she said a while later as she lay with her head on his chest.

"Uhmmm…"

"Are you sleeping?"

"Trying…"

"But you're not…" she giggled.

"I was trying to follow your orders," he said and smiled, "you said we should nap after breakfast. What are you thinking?"

"You woke me at 1:31…that was 14 minutes earlier…than our anniversary…"

"I know," he laughed, "our vows were officially later…and you woke me up right on time…but," he teased, "I wanted extra time…to seduce my wife…"

"Derek," she smiled, "you don't need extra time…"

"Uhmmm..." he caressed her hair, and then lifted her chin so they could look at each other, "good to know…"

"You've always known…" she said, "all you need to do is look at me…"

"That's what you do to me too…a look…from you…anytime…anywhere…and I crave being with you."

"Derek…" she said, as her hand caressed his chest, and the rest of his naked body, "remember…when you wanted 48 uninterrupted hours…"

"I do…but you gave me a lifetime," he said and shifted their bodies so they were facing each other, intimately pressed against the other.

"Derek," she smiled and wrapped her arms around his waist and met his gaze, "that…can be this weekend…"

"Ah…she gets it," he laughed, "what I wanted…uninterrupted sex…"

"Derek," she looked deep into his eyes, "it wasn't…what you wanted…"

"No," he answered with deep sincerity, "it was you…all I wanted was for you to commit to me…for a lifetime."

"I'm yours now…" she said, "it took me a while…but…I'm yours for that lifetime…"

"And…" he smiled as he kissed her, "no reason we can't…have that weekend…or 24 hours of uninterrupted …"

"Derek," she smiled, "technically, we have thirty six hours…"

"Uhmmm…since yesterday…well, we did leave at eight, but had dinner and didn't get home till after eleven and then," he laughed thinking about their lovemaking in the shower when he told her it was already their anniversary in Italy and began their first celebration of their month's anniversary.

"Shepherd," she bit his shoulder playfully, "just go with it…"

"Whatever you want…Meredith…whatever you want," he laughed.

"Are you really tired?"

"What do you think…" he asked, taking a deep breath as he felt her hands on him."You took advantage of me in the shower…and then..."

"Then,"she said, "you woke me up for sex…at 1:31 in the morning…"

"Didn't hear you complaining," he teased her.

"Nothing to complain about, not even that you kept me up till after three with gifts…"

"I kept you up," he laughed, "you sure about that? Who woke me up this morning?"

"I brought you breakfast…"

"You certainly did," he laughed, "best meal…ever…"

"Think you'll be in the mood for pouncing…again?"

"Is that a demand," he said his voice low, already his desire for her quite evident as he pulled her on top of him.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…" he said as his tongue teased hers.

"Let's take a nap first," she giggled and they shared a kiss before falling asleep.

They napped for a couple hours to be awakened by Meredith's phone vibrating.

"Kat," she said, "is everything ok?"

"Everything's fine, but you sound like you were sleeping, are you ok?"

Meredith laughed, "yes, we were napping."

"You were napping, as in during the middle of your shift," Kathleen laughed. "Mer, you two are incorrigible, you are a respectable married couple now."

"We're both off today," Meredith laughed.

"Oh shit," Kathleen said, "I didn't know that, last time we spoke you were working, you were trying to get the day off…"

"So did Derek," Meredith told her, "so we ended up having the day off."

"Tell her to get off the phone," Derek said, "we were sleeping."

"Here's your grouch of a brother," Meredith laughed.

"Oh Mer, before you do that," Kathleen said, "happy anniversary."

"Thanks Kathleen," her sister in law continued talking, "yes, he liked the sculpture, indirectly, that's why we're napping," she laughed at whatever her sister in law said before handing the phone over to Derek.

"Thanks Kat," Derek said smiling, "yes, I got her a gift as well, yes she did like it, she can tell you about it later…better yet, we'll email you a picture, she's wearing it," he said, and roared laughing, "no Kathleen…it's bracelet. Now you know how I feel when you talk about…phone sex…with Kevin," he said and they spoke a few more minutes.

"Derek," Meredith laughed after he repeated Kat's side of the conversation, "I hope we're like that too…like Kathleen and Kevin…their relationship, when we've been married that long…"

"Count on it," he kissed her softly. "Now, you can also count on my sisters calling if we don't put a stop to it now…before she tells them we actually had anniversary gifts, and they decide to weigh in on that…so…" he said, "put your hand out, and I'll take a picture of your bracelet," and he did, "and the panther, and we will preempt any further interruptions," he said as he snapped a photo of the sculpture that had been placed on one of the small shelves that framed the bed area. Their photo, now permanently assigned to her side of the bed.

"Derek," Meredith laughed as she read the message he was composing, "you know that's not going to stop them if they want to call."

"We can give it a shot," he said finished the message with the two photos attached.

_Yes, it's our first month anniversary, and we did the sentimental gift exchange thing, and the five of you can laugh about it or whatever it is you'll do at Sunday dinner, but don't call us. We're off today and are spending the day alone, without interruptions, except you probably already know that since Kat will have filled you in. Jenna, tears won't work if I can't see them, you will meet Meredith soon, I promise. We'll answer emails tomorrow. Love you Mom, keep your daughters in line, please…I'll call you tomorrow._

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening enjoying their time together, silencing the phone, determined to ignore all but each other. The rain continued throughout the afternoon and they spent it snuggled up to one another, and probably wouldn't be believed that they actually spent the time talking about their life, the home they would build, their future hopes and dreams. How they each had arranged for Patricia to accept their packages. She made them sandwiches for lunch, another specialty of hers in the kitchen she told him, especially since she couldn't very well burn anything. He cancelled their dinner reservations after she convinced him she just wanted to be alone, and while she napped, he went to Real Foods and picked up steaks and her favorite dessert for dinner.

The rain had stopped by early evening, allowing for his plan to grill the steaks. Meredith walked outside and set a bottle of wine and two glasses on the small table on the deck, and wrapped her arms around his waist, and placed a kiss on his back, "I brought wine."

"We need a toast," he said, and turned to wrap his arms around her and kissed her.

"Happy anniversary…kind of boring," she smiled.

"Uhmmm…you think…"

She looked at him, and he became lost in the secrets concealed in her smile, as he ran his hands through her hair, and then cupped her face, "I love you."

"Derek," she said, "remember when we were leaving on our trip…my doubts…"

"Your doubts," he said, and wasn't concerned as she smiled.

"About…married sex…"

"Oh you mean your lack of faith in your husband's ability to…live up to…"

"I did not say that," she teased him, "I was just joking…"

"So…you bring it up again…" he pouted playfully.

"I just wanted you to know…"

"Yes…" he said, kissing her softly, and still holding her face tenderly in his hands.

"Married sex…from that first night…our wedding night…you've given me…so many nights of romance…to always remember."

"So…" he joked, "I've passed the married sex test…"

"With flying colors," she said, "I think…" she teased him, "you just needed to be married…"

"Yes…"

"To me," she said with full confidence, "not the wicked witch from the east," and their laughter once again brought them closer together, and the wound that had remained open and once separated them for months, now was finally put to rest, whole and healed.

"Meredith," he kissed her again, and reached for her hand and pulled her down to sit on his lap, then gave handed her a glass of wine. "A toast," he smiled, "to our future dreams," he said and they each sipped after the other's comment.

"To married sex, and my untamed…insatiable beast," she smiled, and kissed him deeply.

"To spending the rest of our lives…together."

"To," her voice broke slightly, as she ran her thumb over her bracelet, "precious memories…and treasured keepsakes."

"To soul mates…and legends…" he said.

"To our once upon a time…" she smiled, yet tears filled her eyes, "to the fairly tale that you brought to my life," she said, and he brushed her lips and they shared a kiss that sealed the promise that no matter what life brought, each was committed to making each other's dreams come true. Fairy tales did not always guarantee happily ever after, but for these legendary lovers it was about the commitment to never turn away, to never allow the other to push each other away, to be there for a lifetime.

They ate dinner and continued talking, Meredith teasing him about the chatty kids they would have that would of course take after him, and he teased that she was the one that would not stop talking, and both admitted each was right, as they walked hand in hand along their land and stood embracing each other as a sliver of a half moon was visible in the evening sky.

"You know," Derek whispered in her ear, before he pulled her hair up kissed the back of her neck, "nobody that knows us…your fiends…my sisters…hell, even my mother it would seem, would believe we spent hours in bed together on our first month's anniversary, talking…being chatty…not making love."

"Or that you reneged on your promise…"

"Oh," he said, biting her neck playfully.

"Ready to pounce again," she smiled, and turned to face him, "we need to pick up…"

"Right where we left off this afternoon…"

"Your wish…my lady…"

"Ready to roar," she laughed , "Derek…we will never hear the end of it from Mark."

"Hell, I hope we never hear the end of it…" he joked, as they began to walk back to the trailer, "our roars…ever…"

"I'll clean up," she said, when they reached the deck, "go ahead take a shower, and I'll join you in a few minutes."

"We'll do it together," he said.

"Go ahead," she insisted, and he complied, understanding without words that she needed a few minutes alone. Theirs continued to be a relationship where emotions were often times overwhelming and today had been no exception. He knew that she would periodically need that time.

"Hey," she said as she walked toward their bed, and he was already in it, "sorry I took so long, I sat down for a minute and my thoughts just…time got away from me."

"It's ok Mer," he smiled, "there's enough hot water for you…"

She walked over to him and leaned down and kissed him, "thank you…I needed a few minutes," she told him, the feeling of being totally and completely honest with him was a new experience, and she loved that she could be open with him, that they could be open with each other, unafraid of being found lacking or considered ordinary.

"I know you did," he kissed her back, "you ok?"

"I'm ok," she smiled, "I'm going to take a quick shower…don't fall asleep."

"Mer," he laughed, "it's not even nine o'clock…and we've been had plenty of sleep today."

"I just wanted to make sure…you know…we started our anniversary…"

"With sex," he teased.

"Making love," she corrected, brushing his lips softly, "and that's how I'd like it to end."

There was but a dim light illuminating his side of the bed when she walked toward him, only a towel wrapped around her which she dropped at the foot of the bed, and joined him and he immediately reached for her and gently pushed her back against the pillows behind them, and she lay silently, his eyes devouring her before he reached to touch her face, and she brushed a lock away from his forehead.

"I love you Meredith," he said, and he captured her mouth, leaving her unable to respond.

All sense of time was lost as they paused to gaze into each other's eyes, their reflections exact in the love and passion silently communicated while their tongues joined in the eternal dance of legendary lovers each certain of the pleasures to come; reveling in the celebration of the night they promised their love for a lifetime and rediscovered their passion.

His mouth found its way to her breasts, over and over again, and his hands added to the sensuous pleasure as they traveled her body as did hers, finding and lingering at all of the places they knew so intimately, and brought each other to the brink of fulfillment.

Derek…"she said arching her hips toward him, against him, aching for him, needing him, wanting him again desperately, as he muttered unintelligible things, and she brought him near to her, "I want you…inside me…now," and as their eyes met he was totally lost in the depth of the grey green eyes he adored, and without any further delay he complied with her wish.

"I…" she began to say, feeling him deep inside her, as their gazes locked, "love you."

"I …" he said, his breath labored, "I adore you…"

Her hands caressed his back and her lips found his, and much like the night one month ago, this night would bring similar memories and familiar words to cherish, "I love you Derek…" she said, and gently contracting she squeezed him, "don't hold back," she urged as her tongue played with his, and thus began the timeless ritual of two bodies joined as one, finding the perfect rhythm, the perfect fit as their movements rose to its inevitable climax. His groans, her moans, further kindling the familiar passion and desire and seconds before his release, they each whispered I love you, and as the sounds of her pleasure echoed through the room, just as he'd done on their wedding night, he looked deep into her eyes and witnessed the ecstasy of her surrender, and she his as their love was consummated and their mutual ecstasy sealed what was undoubtedly a love of legends.

Neither knew how much time elapsed as they lay in each other's arms, his body still joined with hers, and as he attempted to leave her, her body reacted by contracting gently and holding him within her, "don't …" she whispered, "stay inside me."

"I love you," he said.

"I love you Derek…I love you so much," she said and he noticed the tears in her eyes.

"Hey," he kissed her softly, "I love you…please don't cry."

"I…" she paused, "just remembering…our wedding night…just like this," she said, "and today…again you made this day…so special."

"We made this day special…"

"We're going to make it Derek," she said softly and a tear escaped, which he kissed away.

"We are," he agreed, "never walk away…"

"When things get bad…we won't allow pushing the other away..."

"There was never any doubt…not since we got back together," he said referring to the night they had hit rock bottom, and in spite of their despair had discovered that being apart would never again be an option, and then they'd survived the unforeseen shattering of their hearts, their loss and sorrow bringing them closer, and fate now smiled upon them, for the worst had passed, and the tapestry of their life continued to be woven, rich vibrant colors and silver and gold threads would be symbolical as all darkness was now firmly relegated to the past.

"Derek," she whispered, "we're going back to Venice…"

"We are," he kissed her, "next year."

"No…" she said, and before she could continue, he interrupted.

"Of course we are…" he said.

"No, I mean…our forty years Derek…we'll have to go back there…just like Salvatore told us…he guaranteed…at least forty years…"

"Mer," he teased her, "I'm not sure we'll be able to get in and out of a gondola then."

"But, we'll be there…that's all that matters…"she smiled, "with our chatty children and grandchildren."

Hours later, sometime in the middle of the night, they awakened wrapped in each other's arms and once again the undeniable passion between them erupted and made love, leisurely at first then fully unleashing the beasts until they were completely exhausted.

"Satisfied," he said, smiling at her, nipping at her lips as they lay in each other's arms, "that the old panther can still rise to the occasion?"

"I never had any doubts…" she giggled, "that sculpture is there…as unequivocal proof." Their laughter filled the place they called home as their bodies instinctively curled into each other, the light of the moon illuminating the trailer the only witness to the smiles of fulfillment on their faces.


	182. Chapter 182

_A/N 4AUG09 Thanks to all of you still reading and for those of you that have left comments, my sincere appreciation. This may seem like a bit or a lot of fluff and filler…but, lots of foreshadowing in this chapter. If you've read and enjoyed it, or not, please leave a comment. Sorry it took so long, but last chapter was a good place, and the other story had to be updated,while a little thing called work has been keeping me busy! Apologies to all for not being able to respond to each individual comment. Thank you again, after 721,000 words and 18 months later, for still reading this story._

_**Ch 175 – Bubbles…therapy? **_

"Derek, wake up," Meredith was already out of bed and nudged him, as she placed her hand on his shoulder for a second time.

"Sleeping…Saturday…"

"Derek, we have a lot of things to do, and you said you'd help," she said in a bossy yet nervous tone, "sleeping away the morning is not my idea of helping."

"Ok…ok…" he mumbled, and started to get out of bed, but first opened his eyes and looked over at the clock and couldn't believe she was up and about. "Meredith, it's six in the morning, what are you doing up?"

"Are you forgetting," she said, as she walked around the small bedroom area and grabbed the pillows off the bed and placed them aside, "we have guests coming over today and we need to make sure we have everything ready, and why are you smiling, I have to clean and we need to set up everything outside, and I don't want to have this be a total disappointment…"

"A total disappointment," he could not help but smile, "to a four year old that wants nothing more than to see a 'twailer' and play with bubbles in the woods," he said and made the mistake of chuckling.

Meredith stopped what she was doing as she held a pillow in front of her, "you're making fun of me and mocking me," she said quietly, and he saw the familiar detachment in her eyes, and immediately jumped from the bed and walked up to her, "I'm only trying to make sure it's nice…it's not like we have a home to welcome people…"

"We don't have a home," he locked gazes with her, forcing her to look at him, "Meredith, do you really mean that?"

"No," she said as he saw the glimmering shine of her eyes, "you know I don't mean that."

"You want to tell me what's really wrong?" he soothed as he cupped her face and kissed her lips softly.

"I've never done this before," she admitted.

"You've never done what before," he said, as he led her back to their bed and sat down.

"Company and entertaining people and cooking for them, and I don't want them to think I'm a total failure as a wife…"

"Uhmmm…" he brushed her lips with his again, "you're thinking all that…"

"Derek, don't make fun of me…"

"Meredith, it's six in the morning…we have nine hours to get ready for our company," he teased, "basically all for a four year old that has been waiting for weeks to run in the woods, and is likely already up with the sunrise driving her parents crazy to get here and see Dr. Shep's twailer…and Dr. Mewedith who promised she'd play with her and make bubbles, and she's excited that there's going to be a 'barbie' and possibly a campfire at the end of the evening to roast marshmallows. Now," he said as he reached for the hem of her shirt, and she slapped his hand away, as he laughed and continued with his intent, "I don't think there's absolutely anything you could do to disappoint our company, but…you sure as hell will be disappointing your husband," he nipped her bottom lip, "if you don't get your ass back in this bed for the next three hours."

"Is that the only thing you ever think about," she rolled her eyes, but smiled into his kiss.

"Would you prefer I think about being an old beast…and wondering if I can keep up with my wife's insatiable…"

"Uhmm…can't imagine why you'd ever have doubts about," she teased him as she placed her hand over his already evident arousal, "keeping up…" she laughed, as he devoured her mouth.

Later, naked and both breathless she turned to face him and reached for his hand to entwine their fingers, "Derek…"

"Uhmmm…" his hand was on her waist as he lightly caressed her body.

"You can distract me like that…" she giggled, "anytime."

"I believe," he said as his eyes sparkled, the renewed desire mutually reflected as their gazes locked, "it's part of my role," he leaned in to kiss her, "as a sex slave."

"Derek…" she smiled, as she paused to kiss him lightly, then deepened their kiss and he brought her body fully against him, "want to distract me again?"

"Where should we begin…" he taunted playfully.

"Are you game…" she laughed, "for…connecting the dots," she said as she raised an eyebrow seductively and their laughter echoed through the place they undoubtedly considered their home, before both delighted in reaching new heights of pleasure, their bodies each other's exclusive playground.

"Mer," Derek said as they lay utterly spent and sated, "I love you."

"I love you," she said and lifted her head off his shoulder to kiss him softly. "Derek…I'm sorry…"

"For what," he asked confused at her comment, and pushed some strands of hair away from her forehead.

"Saying we don't have a home…"

"I knew you didn't mean that," he smiled, and kissed her forehead.

"Still…I shouldn't have said that, because it's not true. I was upset, and I shouldn't say things like that…because Derek, wherever you are with me…feels like home…"

"I feel exactly the same way," he said and they exchanged a tender kiss.

"But…this…it really is home…much more than my house, so I'm sorry."

"I love you Meredith," he told her again as their lips meet, before they were interrupted by her cell phone ringing and she reached out to answer.

"No, you're not interrupting sex Cristina," she smiled, and then added, "we've already done that…twice this morning in fact."

Derek laughed as he'd heard Cristina's comment, and grabbed the phone from her, "you're right Yang, she's sharing too much information, and yes, she is driving me insane with the party planning for three kids, each with 2.6 adults to take care of them, unless you've changed your mind about joining us, which would make it three adults per child.

Meredith just glared at him, but secretly was happy he and Cristina were getting along, and since their wedding had often shared moments like this. Derek roared with laughter at Cristina's response and handed her the phone back and drifted off to sleep as Meredith spent a few minutes talking to Cristina who was obsessing about Erica Hahn keeping her out of cardiac surgeries.

"Derek," unlike the earlier wake up call, when she was filled with anxiety over their visitors, Meredith sat gently on the mattress next to him, and kissed him awake. "I have breakfast for you."

"Uhmmm…" he savored her lips on his.

"It's your favorite breakfast," she said.

"You?" he smiled.

"You've already had me for breakfast," she laughed.

"Yes…" he smiled, "I certainly have…"

"Derek," she smiled seductively, "you're my favorite for breakfast too."

"Does that mean…"

"It means," she leaned in to him, teasing him, nibbling at his lips and trailing kisses down his throat, "you can have me…again…after dinner."

"Tease," he laughed.

"Shepherd," she taunted playfully, "live with it. I let you sleep till ten, so now, you have to help me with everything I have to do."

"Nag," he mumbled intentionally.

"Oh yeah…" she said, but before she had a chance to say anything else he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her on top of him.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too, Derek," she said and gave in to the simple pleasure of being in his arms.

"Scrambled eggs for breakfast," he said a few minutes later as he kissed the top of her head, rattling off what he was certain was the breakfast menu, "muesli…"

"And fruit," she told him, "orange juice too this morning, and… freshly squeezed."

"Wifely duties," he teased, and they laughed as they had quite often since she had perfected her cooking of one meal.

"Love," she said, "all my wifely duties," and disentangled herself from his arms as she walked over to the kitchen and brought back a tray with their breakfast.

"What is it with the phone this morning," Derek grumbled as he reached over her and answered the phone, "oh it's you again. Didn't you spend a half hour on the phone with her yesterday?"

"Derek, you are so rude," Meredith said and grabbed the phone from him. "Jenna, don't pay any attention to him, he's been surly all morning," she smiled at him and winked. "That's what Cristina asked," she giggled, "and no you're no interrupting, we've already had sex twice this morning," she laughed at what Jenna responded, "I'll keep that in mind."

"What nasty thing is she saying about me," Derek playfully grabbed the phone away from her, "Jenna, you better be nice, or I'll just have to reconsider if I really want to..." he said, and then found himself immediately soothing his pregnant sister.

"Oh shit, Jenna, that's not what I meant, I'm sorry…please don't get all teary eyed and sniffling on me, I was teasing you…of course I'm not talking about changing my mind about being the godfather, how can you even think that…I'm honored and I can't wait," he paused to listen to his sister. "Jenna, I was just going to tease you by saying I'd reconsider if I really want you to meet Meredith over the summer, since all of you are clearly on her side…about everything," and then he felt Meredith's smack across the back of his head.

"Shit Mer, that hurt," he said and continued talking to his sister until there were no misunderstandings. "I love you too Jenna, and I didn't mean to hurt your feelings…I'm sorry…yes, you can talk to her."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I only heard Derek's end of the conversation, but really, he's very excited about being the baby's godfather, he's just being his usual…" she laughed, "yes, brainless," she said and continued their conversation. "I'll email you, let you know how it went, and your suggestions were perfect, after we talked yesterday I found that Barbie Princess. Thanks for all your tips…" she laughed again, "yes, that one too."

"You, have got to be kidding me Derek," she scolded, "how can you even think of teasing her…she's pregnant and hormonal."

"How the hell was I supposed to know she lost her sense of humor," he tried to defend himself, "and you…you're no help."

"How am I supposed to help? I'm not supposed to know your sister better than you do?"

"You could have warned me she's this hormonal and no sense of humor," he pouted, "hell you've spent enough time on the phone with my family, it's like a floodgate the last three weeks since our anniversary. You talk more to them than you've talked to me, especially Jenna this week."

"I'm supposed to anticipate you're going to say something …brainless," she said and then she smiled at him, he was acting like a five year old pouting, "you're jealous…you think I'm neglecting you...spending time on the phone with your sisters…"

"That's ridiculous, I love the fact you're getting to know my sisters."

"Derek," she snuggled up to him, "your sisters have been really nice, emailing and calling…and your Mom…but, there's no one I'd rather spend time with…or be talking with…than you," she kissed him softly.

"It's like with Cristina," he said, "you don't share any of that with me either…"

"Derek," she kissed him again, "you're pouting."

"I am not," he argued.

"I've never had this before, a relationship…with family, it's only recently…with my friends…and now with your family, and surprisingly, I'm enjoying it."

"I'm an ass," he said, "aren't I?"

"No…you're just not used to me being this open with people…with family, you're used to having to deal with all my doubts and fears…and most of the time, not sharing them, and now, I'm being open…with you…and with them…you were right, I didn't trust enough, and it's a good feeling…and you made me see that…you shared your family, and it's one of the many things that make me love you."

"Mer, I'm sorry…I was being childish," he admitted like a kid caught doing something wrong and hoping to get away with it, "and…brainless…"

"It's ok…I'll be dealing with kids all day today," she teased, and they cuddled in bed a little longer and talked about the very unexpected turn of their conversation as a result of Jenna's phone call.

"Let's get out of here," he said, "before the phone rings again, I'd bet money Jenna's already talked to at least one of the girls or Mom."

"Getting all Meredith like on me," she laughed.

"You mean…avoiding…" he smiled at her.

"Uhmm…"

"No, just survival mode," he chuckled, "don't want to have Ma bitch at me for making Jenna cry."

"Derek…" she said, giving him one last kiss. "You want to know what she told me?"

"Jenna?"

"Yes…"

"What?"

"That…she'd had sex twice this morning too…" he interrupted her.

"Shit, Mer…that's not what I want to hear about my sister."

"Oh, shut up…" she laughed, "she said…that I should keep that in mind," and her hand caressed his cheek, "…when I'm pregnant. That at sixteen weeks….she now wants sex all the time."

It was several moments before he spoke, "you ok?"

"Yeah," she smiled, as he held her hand, "I am…and it's good to know…for when that happens."

"She doesn't know, about our baby…maybe I should tell her."

"No, Derek... we won't…maybe some day. But not now…not while she's happily expecting her baby…your godchild," she smiled.

"I love you Meredith," he said, raw emotions reflected in his voice, "you have no idea how much I love you…how incredibly precious you are to me."

"Oh…" she said, as they both locked misty gazes, "I think I do…because it's just as much as you are to me."

They held each other a little longer, as yet another poignant moment was woven into that symbolical tapestry of legendary lovers.

"No more lazing around," she said a bit later, "time to live up to what you said, and help me get this place in order," she jumped out of bed, "you can start by stripping the bed and putting these sheets in the washer."

"Mer, you just changed these sheets yesterday, we don't have to…"

"Derek, are you going to help me or editorialize? Of course they have to be changed, what if one of the kids need to take a nap, and Colleen or Dr. Bailey want to bring them in…fresh clean sheets Derek…not…"

He was close enough to grab her, "I get it Mer," he smirked, "I'll take care of it."

"Bathroom's clean. I did that this morning…"

"Here I was thinking, while the sheets are in the washer…we could shower together…"

"I'm going in to shower," she laughed, "alone, or we'll never get out of here," she said, and did just that, and within a couple hours, when she was satisfied everything was as it should be both in the trailer and outside, they drove to the grocery store to get the evening's meal.

"Stop fidgeting," he told her hours later, "it's a beautiful day, and we have everything we need for dinner…and for the kids…they're going to be in bubble heaven," he laughed, "we have an assortment of toys and bubble selection big enough to start a day care center," he said and earned himself a glare.

"Do you think they changed their mind?" she said looking at her watch.

"Do I think six adults changed their mind about joining us for a barbecue, four of whom have three kids they decided not to bring along?"

"Derek," she told him, "I'm nervous…ok…I've never actually had guests to my home…our home, well other than that time…with Susan and Thatcher and that turned out to be a disaster, and today there's kids Derek…that need to be entertained."

"Nothing to be nervous about, trust me, and…you got enough tips from Mom and my sisters to handle any situation that arises, and they're not dropping the kids off Mer, their parents will be here."

Meredith laughed, "Kat & Jenna did say that I was obsessing."

"That's all I'm saying," he chuckled and kissed her softly, then deepened their kiss, and when the broke apart, smiled at her, "better?"

"Much better," she said, hugging him, "much better."

"Let's go sit outside," he said, and pulled her along with him to the teak lounges, "they're not supposed to be here for another fifteen minutes."

Not surprisingly, the Mulligan's were first to arrive, and as soon as John opened the door for Kelly and unbuckled her seat belt the little girl ran toward Meredith and Derek.

"Dr. Mewedith," she raced to them, holding a small bouquet of flowers, "we founded them again," she said, once more bringing her lily of the valley, and without reserve threw her arms around Meredith's neck and as soon as she was lifted wrapped her small legs around Meredith's waist.

"Thank you Kelly," Meredith smiled, "I love these flowers."

"That's what my friend Bwianna said, remember Dr. Mewedith," she whispered and cupped Meredith's face with both small hands, "I tolds you that secret a long long time ago…"

"Yes, you did," Meredith hugged her, as her eyes met Derek's, "and she's right."

"That's," Kelly whispered secretively, "cause little girl angels don't lie."

"You're right sweetie," Meredith hugged her again, as Derek placed his hand on her back and caressed her gently.

"Dr. Shep, Mommy and Daddy, made me wait hours and hours before we come over, just like having to wait for morning when Santa comes," she said and had Meredith and Derek exchange a smile as her parents approached.

"Li," the bald chubby baby smiled and reached out to grab his sister's hair, and then Meredith's.

"Hi Sean," Meredith said, and earned a drooly toothless smile, "oh, but look at you, there's a tiny tooth coming in," and the baby boy babbled away.

"Daddy," Kelly said, "I tolds Dr. Derek and Dr. Mewedith that you made me wait hours and hours just like when Santa comes, and Dr. Mewedith," Kelly rambled on with excitement, "the door was locked so I had to wait till they waked up, cause it's a rule, if the door is locked I have to wait till Mommy and Daddy are done sleeping…cause they like to sleep a lot," she said innocently, and the four adults erupted in laughter.

Colleen smiled and exchanged amused glances with her husband, "well, sweetie, Daddy is a lot older than Mommy and he needs lots of sleep," she said, and blushed at whatever her husband whispered in her ear.

"You know Kelly," Derek said, "I'm think your Mommy's right, cause I'm older than Meredith, and need lots of sleep in the morning too ," he smiled unashamedly giving Meredith their look, and their gazes met in confirmation of promised 'sleep' when they were once again alone together.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, not liking being left out, "I know that's grown up talk, cause Mommy tolds my aunt Shannon this morning," she paused in thought, "she was teaching her about baby things, and I love baby things…and she said, sis, soon as that baby learns to open doors…you lock yours and they laughed lots just like you did."

"Colleen," John laughed, "I keep reminding you…little pitchers…"

"I know," she smiled, "getting bigger and bigger."

"Mommy," Kelly said, "you're so silly."

"Yes, sweetie, Mommy and Daddy can be silly if they don't get a lot of sleep."

"But Mommy, you slept lots and lots…this morning."

"Daddy slept sweetie, Mommy couldn't sleep cause he was snoring so loud," she said, and the two couples laughed, each for their own very private reason.

"Dr. Mewedith, I want to see the twailer now…can we go…please Dr. Shep," she actually batted her eyelashes at him, and Meredith laughed and put her down.

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith said, "we can, just follow Dr. Shep," and remained behind talking and laughing with Colleen about the little girl's propensity to repeat everything, as they all followed Derek to the trailer.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly exclaimed as she walked in, as the first thing she saw was his refrigerator, "you have my picture…you didn't forget…"

"Of course I didn't forget," he said, "I told you, it would be there so I can look at it everyday."

"Daddy," she turned to her father, "this twailer is so amazing," and he beamed with pride at her much older than four vocabulary, "daddy…it's awesome…it has a TV so you can watch when you're eating dinner…" she said referring to the small screen above the dining table. "Dr. Shep, are you putting the flowers in water," she asked as she saw Derek, who was holding the flowers Meredith had passed on to him as she lifted Kelly to hold her, and was indeed looking for a vase to place them in.

"Yes, I am, so they last as long as possible."

"Do you and Dr. Mewedith live here all the time?"

"Not all the time, but we like to spend a lot of time here."

"Dr. Shep, do you another twailer, cause you need more rooms…for when you and Dr. Mewedith have kids…like Mommy and Daddy?"

Meredith had walked in at the end of the conversation. "Kelly, the other trailer is there because a friend of ours lives there…"

"He doesn't have a house?"

"Yes," she said, thinking of the Chief, "but it's…it's being remodeled."

"Dr. Mewedith," she said reaching for her hand and tugging at it, "little kids would be scared to live all alone in a different twailer," she said very seriously.

"Kelly," her mother said, attempting to change the conversation about kids, trying to be sensitive to Meredith and Derek's recent loss, "how about we go outside now…"

"Mommy, I still gots to see all the twailer," she said and smiling at Meredith pulled on her hand, "can we see all of it?"

Meredith agreed and the little girl giggled at the size of the bathroom, and all the small partitions and thought it was amazing there was a window right above the bed that could be opened without even getting up, "oh Mommy look," she said, "Dr. Mewedith you have the same flowers we founded for you…they're beautiful."

"Yes sweetie they are," she said referring to the small vase by the bed that held the small bouquet Derek had bought for her earlier that morning.

"You went to get them at the flower shop?"

"No, Dr. Shep bought them for me today," she said as she smiled at him, and soon the two couples were on their way outside.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly asked her, "do you have the bubbles?"

"Do we ever," Derek chuckled, and winked at his wife. "Meredith, are you going to show her?"

"They're outside Kelly, I took the bottles outside so you could pick," Meredith told her, and above her head mouthed 'ass' to Derek.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly literally had her mouth open, "there's a million bottles…"

"That's a good description princess," Derek chuckled, and Meredith smacked him playfully.

"Oh oh…" Kelly said, "Dr. Shep…you're in twouble…cause when Mommy does that, Daddy's in big twouble, cause he said something bwainless."

"He's not in trouble Kelly," Meredith told her, "we're just being silly."

"Which one is your favorite, Dr. Mewedith?" the little girl asked as she looked at literally six different themed bottles that included fish, zoo animals, butterflies, plain old plastic colored bottles, princess crown and adorable red bottles with lady bugs.

"I think I like the lady bugs," Meredith told her, but Kelly chose the butterflies.

"Can we open them now," she said filled with excitement, "mommy I can go now?"

"Yes, you can," Colleen told her.

"Are you coming with me Dr. Mewedith…you tolds me you'd play with me."

"I am," she smiled and grabbed a bottle with the lady bugs, and held Kelly's hand as the descended the step from the trailer's deck

Derek watched his wife and smiled as she and Kelly giggled over the size of the bubbles, which the little girl thought would be fun to chase, and saw that Meredith too got into the game with her until she heard a car driving up, and reached for Kelly's hand, and walked over to where the adults were sitting, where Sean played happily in the portable playpen the family undoubtedly traveled with.

"Hi Sean," Kelly said kissing the little boys cheek, "want to blow bubbles," and the little boy smiled and she showed him a bubble he was determine to grab, which had the adults and his sister laughing.

"Shepherd," the familiar voice muttered, "you really are out in the woods…middle of nowhere."

"Welcome Miranda," he smiled.

"Dr. B," Kelly said, and ran up to the her, "you really came…can Tuck play with me?"

"He sure can," Miranda said, and mumbled, "good thing he's dressed to get all muddy…and grimy…" she smirked, and put him down, and the little girl grabbed his hand. "Just be careful, he's not as good at walking as you are."

"Dr. Mewedith, can we pick a bottle for Tuck?"

Meredith walked over with her and Tuck to the deck, and let him pick a bottle, and laughed when he grabbed two, both with fishes on it.

"Dr. Bailey," John Mulligan said, "it's good to see you, Kelly's done nothing but talk about playing with Tuck since she met him two weeks ago at the hospital."

"Well," she said, "Tuck had no idea what he was going to be doing, but he's very easy going, as you can see," she pointed to the little boy following Kelly around imitating the art of making bubbles and every once in a while would run over to his mother and show her his newly discovered game.

Shortly after, the last of the guests arrived, together, as Colleen and Meredith exchanged a smile, and Miranda Bailey raised an eyebrow.

"Cute kids," Mark's voice boomed over the playpen, "been a long time since you've had to entertain so many kids Shep."

"Dr. Sloan," Colleen said, "it's nice to see you again."

"You too," he smiled and accepted a beer from John, "and good to see Kelly's fully recuperated."

"She is, thank God that Derek was able to take care of her," Colleen said.

"Sloan," Miranda said suddenly, "where's your girlfriend?"

"Bit your tongue Bailey, I don't have a girlfriend."

"Really, that's not what I've heard…it's been a couple of months now, you've been seeing the same woman."

"That does not mean I have a girlfriend. I'm in an adult relationship, and Tracy's working till eleven tonight."

"Huh…wonder if she thinks the same way?" Miranda commented.

"Bailey," Mark said, "I'm not a girlfriend type of man."

"You don't say," she said as she noticed the smile on his face as Lexie walked over holding Tuck in her arms.

"Mommy, Daddy, look," Kelly ran over in front of her, "Dr. Lexie is here, and she's not wearing pajamas."

"Kelly," Mark smiled, the kid was cute he thought, "she only wears pajamas at the hospital."

"And…just what would you know," Lexie teased him, "about me wearing pajamas?"

"Lexie Grey," Meredith said, "you had better stop whatever you're doing."

"Lighten up Grey," Mark told her, "Lexie help me get things out of the car," he said as they walked over and indeed brought several items.

"What's she gotta stop doing Dr. Mewedith?"

"Playing with fire sweetie," Meredith answered absent mindedly.

"I don't see no fire," Kelly said.

"Sometimes," Colleen said, "sweetie, there's fires you don't see."

"Mommy that is so silly, you can always see fires, cause it's dangewous and you can see the flame and you have to stay away…from fire."

"Yes, sweetie, you certainly do," Colleen smiled at Meredith, "but sometimes, there's a fire that has started and it's still far away and you don't see it and then, all of a sudden…there it is, and you have to make sure you don't get burned."

John and Derek scowled at their wives simultaneously, but Derek laughed and John actually slapped Mark on the shoulder, when he joined them again,"God help you."

"What did I miss?"

"The analogy of fire," he chuckled.

"Mark," Meredith asked, "these are beautiful, thank you," she said referring to the variety of potted flowers he and Lexie had unloaded from his car.

"Don't thank me," he said, "Kathleen apparently thinks you needed these, to add more than just green to the landscape, and she asked me to get them for you. These are good by the way, about time we had some decent place to sit," he joked referring to the four teak lounge chairs and six scattered Adirondack chairs that now were part of their outdoor environment.

"We thought we better get these before Mom & Kat come out here next month. Don't want to hear more nagging that we have no place comfortable to sit," Derek said, as he put his arms around Meredith who'd joined Lexie in arranging the potted flowers around the sitting area they'd selected under the copious tree canopy.

The afternoon hours went by quickly as the group of adults enjoyed each other's company, while Tuck and Kelly eventually became exhausted by their running around, oftentimes with Meredith and Lexie at their heels, and Tuck surprised everyone by climbing up on Mark, and Kelly went to sit with Lexie.

"Dr. Lexie," Kelly asked, "are you Dr. Mark's girlfriend?"

"What," Lexie said, "no…"

"You don't like him?" Kelly whispered loud enough for all to hear.

"Oh, I do like him, he's very nice but he's just my friend."

"But you come here together," she said, "did you have a date?"

"Colleen," John said, "boarding school…"

"John Mulligan, it will be a cold day in hell," Colleen responded instinctively.

"Oh...oh…Mommy…you said a bad word…"

"Yes she did," John smirked, "she's going to be on time out…"

"Yep," Kelly said, "time out Mommy."

"Yep," John said, and pulled his wife up from the chair, "time out indeed," he smiled. "Derek…Meredith…you think you can handle these two for a bit…while Colleen gets time out?"

"I think," Miranda answered, "we can handle it…make sure you stay out of sight."

"We plan on it, Dr. B," John chuckled and pulled his wife along for a walk in the woods.

"Miranda," Derek said as he watched the sadness in his friend's expression, "you've never been here, let me show you around," he extended his hand to her, leaving her no option but to take it and walk with him, "how are you? Why are you here alone?"

"Don't do this to me Shepherd, if I talk…I don't think I'll be able to pull myself together ever again."

"I'm a good listener," he insisted, "and I can see you need to talk," he opened the trailer door and led her inside, where indeed Miranda Bailey broke down and talked to him about her rapidly deteriorating marriage.

A long while later, Kelly saw her parents walking back and called out to them, "Daddy, did Mommy behave?"

"Yes, she did princess. She behaved very well," her father smiled at his wife.

"Meredith, can we help with anything?"

"I wouldn't know Colleen, Derek's taking care of everything."

"Colleen," Mark drawled, "count your blessings. If Meredith cooked, we'd get charcoal for a barbecue."

"You know Mark…" Meredith said, taunting him, "you're not doing a lot to stay on my good graces."

"Meredith," Lexie said, "you can't keep doing that…you can't take anything back, and Mark's right, thank God you're not cooking."

"Grey," Miranda approached them, "what in the world possessed you to buy enough bubbles for a day care center."

"I see," Meredith commented, "you've been talking to my husband."

"Oh," Miranda smirked, "he told you the same thing?"

"Yes, Dr. Bailey he did," Meredith admitted.

"I think it's lovely Meredith," Colleen said. "I know we will be hearing about this for a long while," she said motioning to her daughter, who'd left Lexie's side and was sitting on a large rock not far away apparently telling Tuck a story since the little boy was looking around for whatever she was referring to.

"Derek," Meredith walked up to him, and put her arm around his waist, "everything ok?"

"We'll talk later," he smiled, "I left Mark and John in charge of the grill, told them we'd get it going in about an hour…it's only five thirty, and they've had plenty of snacks …"

"Lets's walk over to Kelly," Meredith said and smiled, "I'm curious about her conversation with Tuck, it's adorable how he's just sitting there listening to her," and they heard her as they approached.

"Tuck, then there was this angel, and she was beautiful and little just like me, but she has blond hair just like Dr. Mewedith," she was very dramatic in her story telling using her eyes and hands to articulate her story, "and she has beautiful blue eyes…and I think you can see her," she leaned in to whisper to him, "but it's a secret just for little kids, so I can tell you…her name is Bwianna," and Tuck looked around, "and she was running around with us by that tree, and she tolds me her favorite bubbles was the lady bugs, just like Dr. Mewedith…cause she loves Dr. Mewedith…"

"Oh…Derek," Meredith said as she leaned back into him, "I'm so glad…so glad…she came into our lives," she said, and he wrapped his arms around her waist and kissed her neck, "and you were wrong…she's more than a patient to you too."

"Yes…I was wrong…" he said, as he turned her to face him, "you're ok, aren't you?"

"I'm perfect," she smiled, "she's been the most healing therapy ever."

"For both of us," he said, and they shared a brief and tender kiss.

"Dr. Mewedith…Dr. Shep, you're kissing," Kelly giggled, and got up and grabbed Tuck's hand, "just like Mommy and Daddy," and slowly walked the little boy over to his mother, and told her. "Dr. B, I think he wants a nap cause he's yawning a lot."

"You think so," Miranda said, noticing the little girl's own yawning, "do you want to keep him company for a bit, while he lays down?"

"You mean to take care of him if he wakes up…but where is he going to lay down, on that chair?" she pointed to the cushioned lounges.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "you can put him down inside…we thought you may want to do that, and you can use all the cushions on the bed, and there's more pillows if you want…"

"He gets to sleep on the big bed…in the twailer," Kelly said excitedly, "Dr. B…I'll take care of him…so he's not scared when he wakes up in a strange place…cause I don't like to wake up at my aunt Shannon's house, cause it's new…and I only sleeped there one time, but at Nana Maggie's and Grandma's I have my own room…and I…"

"Kelly," her mother interrupted, grateful for the opportunity that after all her activity that day she'd be agreeable to lay down, though she was certain a nap would follow, "I think it's a really good idea, if you keep Tuck company, just in case he wakes up."

The two women took their children inside and they would indeed nap for the next hour, with Sean close by in his playpen. Meredith and Miranda Bailey sat outside the trailer deck, while the rest of the group walked over to the site where Meredith and Derek would build their home and marveled at the view, one which each of those present would enjoy for years to come, as the seeds of friendship became ties that bind beyond their lifetime.

Sean began to whimper and Meredith immediately went over and got him out of his playpen and snuggled him close to her, and he settled back to sleep, pacifier in mouth and drooling all over her, and fate smiled down upon her, this was a moment she'd always remember, the beginning of paths never imagined, destiny setting its course for generations to follow.

"Meredith," Miranda smiled at her, "you're going to be a wonderful mother one day."

"I hope so, Dr. Bailey."

"It's Miranda today, and I will never admit this ever again, but you are married to McDreamy, even if I still think he's got overly moussed hair," and they both laughed.

"Never Miranda, it's our secret, and…" she smiled, "he cares about you."

"I know he does, he's a good friend."

"If we can help," Meredith said, "anytime…"

"You already have," she smiled. "Thank you for inviting me today."

"I'm glad you're here," she said.

"So am I Meredith," she said and both remained quiet for a while. "She's good for you."

"Kelly," Meredith said, "she's been good for both Derek and me."

"No, I mean your sister, Lexie."

"Yes, she has been. You made me see that, actually, months ago, when you forced me to work with her at the clinic."

"Oh yes…called in my favor…"

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "I don't think I've ever thanked you."

"For forcing Lexie on you," she laughed.

"For saving my life," she said, and both women exchanged a deeply emotional moment, as Miranda Bailey reached for Meredith's hand and squeezed gently, neither woman able to keep the tears away.

"Best save of my entire career," Miranda said poignantly, as they enjoyed the silence of the woods, until several minutes later they began to hear the chattering of the two children, and the adults walking back to the trailer.

Miranda Bailey smiled and turned to Meredith, "keep an eye on those two," she said as they watched Lexie walking by Mark's side and stumble on a rock, and he reached out to steady her and briefly they witnessed a moment when the two smiled at each other and he said something that made her laugh, a carefree laugh, before Mark hooked his arm through hers and they walked back the rest of the way.

Derek was greeted by a sight that warmed his heart, Miranda and Meredith both had smug complacent smiles on their faces, and then his wife snuggled the sleeping boy closer to her and kissed the top of his bald head. Tuck and Kelly, even from the distance he could see were rubbing still sleepy eyes, and the boy climbed up on his mother, while Kelly sat on Meredith's empty lap and rested her head on her shoulder, next to her brother. "Thank you," he said a silent prayer, thankful for the promises her dream had brought them and the healing power of children, he smiled, and angels.

The rest of the evening served to bring the new group of friends closer together, sharing stories and laughter mingled with the inevitable insight only children can bring. The gentle humorous digs at Meredith having gone overboard in buying enough toys for fifteen kids instead of three little ones, and her argument they had a very short span of attention, thus the variety she picked and quoted his sisters, but none of it mattered as she enjoyed the delighted surprise of Kelly's expression when she saw the Barbie Princess, which she chose to leave behind at the twailer, cause she had to come back and visit her, and she would indeed, very frequent visitor throughout the years.

Hours after everyone had gone home, long after they'd enjoyed a spectacular sunset on the cliff and the campfire the kids were thrilled with, they'd closed up the trailer and headed for the ferry, as Meredith had a six o'clock shift on Sunday.

"Uhmmm…" he said, as her slippery body pressed against his, "lots of bubbles today," he teased, as his hands caressed her body, his lips nibbling along her jawline, as she lay back contentedly with a smile on her face.

"I liked blowing bubbles," she said with her eyes closed.

"You know my favorite part of ..." he said, as one hand cupped her breast, and the other roamed to its heart content, "blowing…" he paused, "bubbles…"

"What," she said, and moaned softly…forgetting what she was about to say.

"Naked bubbles therapy," he said and captured her mouth.

"Know what I like…" Meredith said, when they finally broke their kiss, both breathless in anticipation.

"What…" he continued to tease her.

"You…naked…covered in bubbles…deep inside me…" and their laughter soon turned to the sounds of lovers, familiar with each other's bodies, each other's desires, each other's favorite things, as the sounds of ultimate fulfillment were heard more than once during the night, a night where destiny was smiling upon legendary lovers, smiling in celebration that finally the course was set for dreams to be fulfilled.

_A/N 8AUG09 - If you're reached the end of this chapter and have enjoyed, or curious at all about the next 25 follow...please leave a comment, it does so much for inspiration, and it can be just one or two words. Thank you so very very much to each of you that has left a coomment for this update, the readers/views are quickly diminishing, but those nine or ten of you that leave a comment make me want to try my best not to dissapoint you as each chapter is posted. Intend to post the next one, A Family Visit, this weekend. Warm regards, Jasmin_


	183. Chapter 183

**Ch 176 – Love conquered all**

The rising sun and ultimately its rays reflected directly above them on the bed, their warmth further enveloping the once estranged, but now married lovers committed to each other for a lifetime. Time did help to heal wounds, though life changing moments were never forgotten, but the sadness and heartbreak associated with those memories, the couple had learned in almost three months of marriage that the key was love, and it did make all the difference, for love had indeed conquered all.

Meredith and Derek snuggled closer in each other's embrace, secure in the boundless depth of the love they had always felt, but now openly, often, and lovingly expressed, as well as their doubts, fears, joys and pleasures to each other; that was their commitment, that was the true measure of a love of legends.

It was a Sunday morning, and Derek basked in the pleasure of being in her arms, hoping to enjoy this dream as long as he could, Meredith, he smiled, had much more vivid and detailed dreams than he did, and often she'd tell him about them, and then heard a groan, a satisfied groan he realized was his own, and thoughts of boring dreams would never be the same again, as he opened his eyes and before long cried out in pleasure, as his wife continued to play his body in perfect tune and harmony, and then he decided to take control and play one of her favorite tunes, well, it was more an aching need to get her to respond with one of his favorite tunes. He always delighted in the sound of her voice, her laugh, her giggles, but this morning, he'd most love to hear her moan.

"Quite a wake up call, Mrs. Shepherd," he said, a completely satisfied smile on his lips.

"I wasn't quite sure if I'd lost my touch," she taunted, "after all you fell asleep on me."

"I fell asleep on you," he said, and when he looked at her and their eyes met, both erupted in laughter. "At three o'clock in the morning," he laughed again, "after you'd taken advantage of me, lots of advantage."

"I'd taken advantage," she played along with him, "I recall, clearly, you are the one that thought drinking a second bottle of champagne at midnight was romantic and a perfect way to celebrate our last few days alone together."

"Mer," he teased, "you have to admit, it was really great champagne." He was referring to the case of an exquisite vintage champagne that John Mulligan's parents had surprised them with as a belated wedding present, one night a couple weeks ago, when they were invited for dinner to meet Kelly's maternal and paternal grandparents, both eager to thank the doctor that had saved their granddaughter's life, and his wife, now one of Kelly's favorite people.

"I'll admit…" she smiled, "that taking advantage," she emphasized, "of each other…was…"

"Yes…"

"Amazing," she smiled upon his lips.

"Amazing," he agreed, before his mouth captured hers, and later, both a bit breathless, he said, "but Mer…"

"But…" she frowned in mock concern, "Derek…we don't do well with buts…"

"But," he chuckled, "I think it's not considered taking advantage…when there's mutual consent."

"But," she giggled, "think it's considered taking advantage, if it's at midnight…after your wife's been at the hospital for twelve hours straight, and then you suggest a second bottle of champagne."

"I was working too," he defended.

"That was a voluntary choice," she teased.

"Voluntary you say," he argued, "when I was trying to appease the all knowing chief resident that wanted to kick my ass for daring to suggest my wife get a full weekend off."

"I love you Derek," she said and wrapped her arms around him.

His laughter echoed through the trailer, "works every time," he said, "diversion."

"Learned from the best," she smiled, as she kissed him. "Except, I really really love you."

"Mer…"

"I know…mushy…sappy…sentimental…"

"Whom I adore…"

"Oh Derek," she sighed softly, "what would I do without you."

"You're never going to find out," he told her, and cupped her face. "Ever."

"Neither are you," she said, as she leaned in to meet his lips, and then the kiss that begun tenderly, first teased and enticed and then led to their inevitable passion.

"Meredith," he said hoarsely, "in case I forget to tell you…"

"Uhmm…" she responded, her lips trailing kisses down his chest.

"You've definitely not lost your touch," he said and sucked in his breath as her mouth trailed lower.

"That's good to hear," she said, "don't want you pining for Dr. Grey."

"Dr. Who?" he said, his smile amusing her.

"Ok…" Meredith giggled, "she wasn't that unforgettable…I do know that much," and he quickly reached for her and brought her body to lie on top of his.

"Can I tell you a secret," he smiled, "and you won't get jealous."

"Shepherd," she said, "that doesn't sound too good…"

"Dr. Grey…" he smiled, biting her lip playfully, "she's the only other woman…other than my wife…that is unforgettable."

"Derek…" she gave in to his playfulness, and their now standing joke. "I'm glad…I'm your wife…and that…"

"Yes…"

"That, I'm the only woman that's unforgettable."

"Dr. Grey," he said seriously, as he shifted their bodies, lying side by side, their naked bodies intimately pressed together, "I'm completely…irrevocably…in love with you, have been in love with you forever…and each day …love you…more and more…my beautiful…enchanting…wife, and I want you so much…Meredith…I want you so much."

"Derek," she whispered followed by quiet moans, as his lips found spots that were left tingling with pleasure and desire, "have me…I'm yours, exclusively…and totally yours," she said seconds before he joined their bodies.

Two hours later Meredith and Derek were on the ferry, on their way to Seattle.

"What are you smiling about," Meredith asked him, feeling his body pressed against her, the scent of him intoxicating as she recalled their evening and morning hours together.

"My wife," he continued smiling, both leaning on the ferry railing, "the mind reader."

"You're not smiling," she questioned, fully convinced of the answer, her hand resting on his arm, lightly caressing him.

"From ear to ear," he admitted, his chin resting on the crook of her neck, and turned his face to let his lips linger on her skin.

"About what…"

"Remembering…being on here…with you, telling you I bought your ring and the morning before we left for Italy…"

"You mean teasing me with another non-proposal…"

"Would you have wanted it different…a proposal on the ferry boat?"

"Absolutely not…your proposal was perfect…beautifully…poignantly perfect."

"What are you smiling about?" he asked her.

"Every moment we've spent together…since that night on the ferry boat…waiting for your proposal…each moment has meant we've grown as a couple, even the moments I've given in to sadness…but we've made progress Derek…so much…and therapy…and we talk, we're not pushing each other away…and this morning…" her smile lingered.

"We're getting really good…at morning wake up calls…"

"Really good," she said, pretending to be offended, "are you kidding…they weren't good before?"

"They've always been great," he smiled, as his lips trailed lingering kisses from her shoulders to her check, "but now, my wife cooks breakfast," he said and their laughter brought joy to their hearts.

"Derek," she said, wrapping his arms closer around her, "our ferryboat memories," they both knew she was referring to the night driving to the trailer when he'd admitted to less than enjoying the previous love of ferryboats since her accident, "they outweigh the sad ones."

"They do," he said softly, and hugged her, "they do," he whispered again, as they remained content in each other's arms, recalling each memory together related to ferry boats, a new and unforeseen one, about to unfold in the minutes that followed.

"Mommy, Mommy, look it's Dr. Shep and Dr. Mewedith," an unmistakable child's voice grew closer to them, and as they turned around and before they had a chance to react, the little girl was racing toward them and Derek instinctively lifted her into his arms.

"Kelly Margaret Mulligan," Colleen scolded as she pushed Sean's stroller, "what have we told you about running on deck, you are in serious trouble young lady."

"I'm sorry, Mommy," the little girl said truly repentant. "I saw Dr. Shep and Dr. Mewedith and I was so excited, I'm sorry mommy," she said again and reached out for her mother to hold her, and buried her head in the crook of Colleen's neck.

"Kelly, sweetie, you know better, it's dangerous to run on the deck, and Mommy and Daddy just don't want you to ever get hurt."

"I know Mommy, I forgots," the little girl said and wrapping her arms around her mother's neck squeezed tightly, "I love you Mommy."

"I love you too baby…and I don't want anything to happen to you. Can you imagine what I would do without my little girl?"

"Mommy…" Kelly whispered, "but Dr. Shep was there and he catched me."

"I know sweetie, but he won't always be there to catch you, and Mommy and Daddy can't always be there, so you have to be a big girl and pay attention to what we tell you, so you don't get hurt."

"I'm a big girl Mommy…and I pwomise…I won't forgot no more and I won't run on the deck," and Colleen set her down again, and Kelly immediately walked to Derek and he lifted her, and hugged her.

"Your Mommy's right princess, you can't run on deck, if you slip and fall you can get hurt." Derek told her, as the little girl hugged him.

"I pwomised Mommy I won't forgot no more, cause I could slide right off the boat into the water," Kelly said, and his thoughts immediately imagined the child sliding off into the water, and Meredith saw the familiar terror in his face and thus encouraged the child.

"That's good Kelly," Meredith said smiling, "I know you won't forget anymore."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly smiled brightly, "I didn't give you a hug," and Meredith smiled reaching out for her, "and I missed you…cause it's been a long long time since I saw you, lots of days since you went to grandma's."

"You didn't," Meredith said, "and I really love your hugs," she smiled as the little girl hugged her tightly and held her until Sean made his presence known, and very insistently called out for his sister's attention.

"Colleen, this is a nice surprise, I'd have expected you to sleep in on weekend mornings," Meredith teased her, immediately and effectively lightening the mood.

"Not on Sundays," Colleen laughed. "Spring and Summer John bikes with a group of friends every Sunday and then we meet up at my parents or his for brunch."

"Dr. Shep," the little girl smiled, "I get to cuddle with Mommy on Sunday cause Daddy's gone…and the door's not locked, even Sean snuggles," and the baby upon hearing his name, smiled and said hi to no one in particular, but after being ignored, he wanted attention.

"Hi," Sean said again, and when Meredith heard him she crouched down in front of him.

"Hi," she said, "you learned a new word, Sean," and the baby grabbed her hair and pulled, "and getting stronger," she laughed, as he said "hi," again.

"Colleen, I get the feeling hi has several meanings," Meredith smiled, as the little boy lifted his arms signaling his determination to get out of the stroller.

"This particular repetition of that word apparently means I'm a prisoner," Colleen told her attempting not to mention getting out of the stroller.

"Mommy…" Kelly said, "that's so silly, Sean just wants to be out of the stroller."

"Out of the mouth of babes," Derek chuckled, "so much for code words."

"Yes, sweetie, he does, but you know when Daddy's not here, he has to stay in the stroller, since I can't hold you both if I need to."

"But there's Dr. Mewedith, she can hold him," she said, and Derek glanced over at her, looking for signs as the time she panicked at the idea of holding Tuck.

"I can Colleen," Meredith said, "if it's ok."

"He'll love you forever," Colleen told her, "just be ready for that each time he sees you."

"What do you say," Derek said, as he took him out of the stroller, "you come with me," and Sean, grinned, and said "hi," as he grabbed a fistful of Derek's hair.

"Dr. Shep, he loves you," Kelly said, "he only pulls your hair if he loves you."

"Is that so," Derek said, as the baby drooled all over him.

"Derek, I'm sorry," Colleen immediately rushed to get a burp cloth and wipe his mouth.

"Fourteen nieces and nephews Colleen, drooling is a piece of cake," he said.

"Hi," Sean said and giggled, and smiled at Meredith and held out his arms to her.

"He loves Dr. Mewedith too," Kelly said, "cause he wants her to hold him…just like at Grandma's…remember Dr. Mewedith…he likes to fall asleep with you…and at the twailer, but he's not going to sleep now, but he likes your hair," she continued her monologue as her baby brother indeed had got a hold of Meredith's hair and then reached for the shiny bracelet on her hand as she tried to release her hair from his grasp.

"Sean," Meredith smiled at him, "what do you say you give me back my hair, and we go sit over at that bench," she spoke as she walked to sit down and Kelly followed her and climbed next to her, with Derek sitting on the other side of her, and Sean lost interest and wanted his mom.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "are you going to a special dinner?"

"I'm going to very special dinner tonight," Meredith smiled as the child played with her bracelet.

"That's why you have your bwacelet and your rings…just like Mommy," she said, as she pointed to Meredith's engagement ring, "and when you come to grandma's for dinner."

"Well, I told you," Meredith explained patiently, as again Sean fussed and now was passed over from his Mom to Meredith and over to Derek, "when I'm at the hospital, I can only wear my wedding ring because I have to wear gloves…"

"When you have surgys," Kelly interrupted her, "and take care of sick people."

"That's right, and I can't wear my engagement ring because of the gloves," she said softly, "or any kind of jewelry."

"But, you put it on for special 'cassions'," Kelly said, "like dinner at Grandma's."

"Meredith," Colleen laughed, "she'll remind you of that often, and by the way, it's last minute, but we'd love to have you join us at my parent's for brunch, it's very informal and loud with my sisters and kids, but they'd love to see you again."

"Thanks Colleen," she said and continued talking and giving an explanation, "but you know what Kelly, we have a very special occasion today, because Dr. Shep's Mom and his sister are arriving in about an hour and are going to visit us for the next week."

"I forgot about that," Colleen said, "your spa day's coming up."

"Mommy what's spa day?"

"That's when you don't have to go to work, and sleep late, and you get breakfast in bed and pampered …"

"Like you and Daddy…when you lock the door cause Daddy needs to sleep late and you get pampered…and lots of kisses, right Mommy…cause I saw you and daddy kissing when the door was open."

"Muzzles, Meredith…muzzles… remember those words," Colleen said.

"For the kids…" Derek chuckled, "or Mommy and Daddy?"

"Both Derek…both…" Colleen laughed, "though Meredith's shared part of the foot in mouth syndrome solution."

"She has," Derek said, "has she?"

"I love you," Meredith leaned over to him and brushed his lips.

"Mommy…" Kelly giggled, "look…Dr. Mewedith is kissing Dr. Shep, just like you and Daddy…is that a spa day?"

"No sweetie," Colleen laughed, "the spa is a place you go, like when Mommy goes to get her hair done or a manicure, you remember what that means?"

"Yes," Kelly said, "cause Daddy says it's sexy…when you paint your toes red."

Meredith and Derek both laughed, as Colleen shook her head, and Sean who was now back in Meredith's arms, laid his head down on her shoulder and sucked his thumb.

"Do you mind, if I walk with her for a bit," Colleen said, "figure out what else she's thinking before we get to my parent's, though God knows they're used to it."

"Go ahead," Meredith smiled, and softly caressed the baby's back and put her head on Derek's shoulder, as he whispered, "I love you Meredith," and she reached for his hand, and whispered softly, "one day…Derek…one day…we'll have this."

"Chatty babies," he said as he kissed her temple, "that we need muzzles for."

"Chatty babies and all…" she smiled, "just like their daddy."

"Let's not forget rambling mommy…" he said, and their gazes locked, and the emotions they felt needed no further words, for their dreams were now one, and their commitment to their life together was indeed helping them conquer all fears and doubts and embrace the possibilities of what the future held in store for them. Meredith and Derek, each certain their love for each other would be their strength, as it has been in the weeks since their marriage, already could affirm without any doubt that love as theirs, indeed conquered all.

_A/N 9AUG09 – This was a bit of fluff, and half the content I originally intended, but wanted to post something for those of you still reading. Though readers are dwindling, I am ever so grateful for the comments, as I continue to move forward with the story I've intended to write all along about this couple each of you that comments seems to love as much as I do…the possibilities of Mer Der truly committed in marriage forever. Many thanks for your comments, warm regards, Jasmin._


	184. Chapter 184

_A/N 16 AUG09 - Thanks to each of you still reading, and for your comments, can't tell you enough how much that means in ways of inspiration My apologies too for taking so long to post this second half which was meant to be completed right after the last chapter, but it's becoming very difficult to remain optimistic about MD as we approach Grey's Season 6 and the tidbits, or lack thereof, from Shonda Rhimes and Krista Vernoff. But, this story is about the love of soul mates we were told about in the early seasons, so I continue to keep that in mind as I write toward completing this story, and hoping always, not to disappoint you._

_A bit of filler here, as I needed to get the feel for these five characters together once again. I'd meant to have their visit be one chapter, but it didn't happen that way, so the next chapter will be the rest of their visit to Seattle._

_I was very happy to find as I read over some chapters to make sure there was continuity, that way back when…Ch 134, October 3, 2008… Derek said this to Meredith and followed through with a real wedding: "Absolutely certain…I don't want to spend another day without you…as my wife," he smiled and leaned in to her to kiss her lips softly, "for always."_

**Ch 177 – Only the future**

Meredith and Derek arrived at the airport to find that during the cross over on the ferry, the flight's arrival had been delayed over thirty minutes and thus took the time to enjoy a much craved cup of coffee.

"You know we're having lunch right after we leave here," Derek teased her, as she enjoyed a slice of banana walnut bread.

"That's at the earliest another hour," she told him and broke a piece of the bread and brought it to his lips, "taste this, it's really good."

"Mer, it's all fat and sugar."

"Derek," she smiled, "you need to keep up with our home town, world famous, coffee store, no trans fat, all natural ingredients, and look…walnuts, that's healthy…right ?

"You're mocking me," he smirked at her, "blatantly so…"

"I am not," she smiled, "seriously…that's what they're advertising, taste it," she insisted, and he did.

"And you have so much free time to look at Starbucks advertising," he joked.

"Derek, we're there at least three times a week, how can you not look at all the little posters and things they've been promoting for months?"

"Usually," he leaned against the back rest of the chair, and smiled at her, their smile, "I'm too busy…looking at you."

Her laughter, as always, was music to his ears, "oh, but I do love you," she told him, reaching for his hand, "my mushy sentimental…very …very sexy husband…"

"You think that's going to make me forget you're mocking me…"

"I know it will," she smiled and he was mesmerized by the look in her eyes, the vulnerability combined with the special twinkle that seemed to sparkle only when she was looking at him.

"Yes…" he said, bringing her hand to his lips, "it will," and she too was lost in his gaze, and they spent the next several minutes enjoying the lighthearted flirting.

Once they'd confirmed the flight's imminent arrival, they strolled through Sea-Tac's Terminal A, leisurely holding hands until they reached the area where passengers would eventually exit, and exchanged smiles at the antics of several children, evidently and impatiently, waiting for the arrival of grandparents.

"Derek," Meredith said, a gentle smile on her face as she listened to two little girls, a book between them, where the older one about 5 years old was making a story up as she went along.

"What…" he put his arm around her waist, pulling her closer and kissing her temple.

"We have so much to learn," she giggled.

"About…"

"Kids, Derek," she laughed, "earlier, we were talking about chatty …rambling babies…"

"Yes…" he said, not quite knowing where the conversation was headed.

"Derek," she whispered, as thought it was the most important thing in the world, "babies…they really babble," she laughed, "they don't chatter or ramble since they don't really talk yet, so I think, " she teased, "you've been making up all that experience with fourteen nieces and nephews…"

"Making it up…" he said, enjoying their relaxed afternoon, "I'll have you know, I've spent plenty of time with those kids, and Mer…I know the brain…and its developmental stages…and…"

"You may know all that," she continued to tease him, "but when it comes to kids, brainless…totally," she gave him a quick kiss.

"Brainless," he repeated, "you know, I was required to spend more years in school and training than any other medical specialty…"

"Derek, you know what makes me happy…"

"What," he said, drawing her close to him, holding her hand still as he brought it to his lips, and they walked a small distance to glance over at the crowd walking toward the exit.

"You're going to be just as bad as I am, clueless…because, Derek, you should know and should have told me that babies don't chatter or ramble, kids do…older kids Derek," and they both burst out laughing, and totally and completely carefree she threw her arms around his neck and hugged him.

"I knew that," he chuckled, hugging her tightly, "of course I knew that," he muttered in her ear, and then kissed her quickly, missing the family's approach.

"Well," Carolyn Shepherd smiled as she witnessed the obvious happiness in Meredith and Derek, "I can't tell you how glad I am we had no kids with us," his mother said.

"You're here," Meredith exclaimed, "we just looked and didn't see you."

"I think" Kevin joked, "you forgot to look again, we've been standing here for five minutes."

"You have not," Meredith said immediately found herself engulfed in her mother in law's embrace, while Derek hugged his sister.

"Sweetheart," Carolyn said, "I'm so glad to see you."

"I'm so glad you're here," Meredith said, genuinely touched by Carolyn's affection.

"Derek," Kathleen smiled at her brother, "I love you, thanks for having us."

"Kat, it feels so right," Derek said, "having you here…this time…without…"

"Hey," his sister said, interrupting the mention of prior circumstances, "both times…it's wonderful to be here, it means a lot to me, that you'd want me here."

"I love you Kat," Derek told her, just as his mother looked over to him, "and we both want you here."

"Are you going to say hello to your mother?" Carolyn asked.

"I am," he smiled and bridged the distance to embrace her, "I love you Ma."

"Love you too Derek," she smiled, "and now…I have two excuses to visit Seattle, if we don't count Mark."

"You don't need any excuses," Meredith told her, "all of you are welcome anytime."

"Meredith," Kevin said as he reached her and kissed her cheek, "wait till they've been here a week before you make that offer again."

"You know dear," Carolyn said, "if your wife and I are such …whatever you are implying," she reprimanded with a hidden smile, "you can always stay behind next time."

"Mom," Kevin hugged her, "I love you."

"That doesn't always work Kevin," Carolyn said seriously, "not for a son in law."

"Son in law," his face became serious at the old and meaningless threat, "you don't mean that…you know I was kidding."

"Can dish it out," she laughed, "but can't take it…"

"Old witch," he said, as he hugged her again.

"Lucky you've always been my favorite," she said indulgently, "you disrespectful aging brat."

Kathleen shook her head, "Mom…stop encouraging him, your other sons in law are none too happy with you."

"Kathleen, it's not a secret, Kevin's been like a son since you first brought him home, and that's been over forty years," she shrugged, "my sons in law, well…that's what they are."

"Over forty years," Meredith commented. "I didn't know that…how long have you two known each other? I'd assumed you were high school sweethearts the way you and Mark and Derek carry on."

"She brought him home when he was three years old," Carolyn beamed, "and we haven't been able to get rid of him since."

"I take it," Derek said, as he reached for Meredith's hand, and also grabbing his mom's bag, "you have luggage, since only Mom has an overnight bag."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn said, "there's tons of luggage."

"Tons of luggage?" Meredith laughed.

"A slight exaggeration," Kevin chuckled.

"Not in the least," Kathleen said, "he's got fishing and camping gear, and outdoor crap."

"And you," Carolyn said smirking at her daughter, "didn't pack two bags?"

"Stop defending him Mom," Kathleen smiled and linked her arm with her mother when they reached the escalator, always thankful for the relationship between her mother and husband while Kevin followed close behind them.

"Stop pretending you mind," her mother laughed, as the group made their way to the baggage area to collect the luggage.

"Kevin," Derek chuckled as they sat at SkyCity Restaurant at Seattle's Space Needle, waiting for the wine they'd ordered to be served.

"Derek," his mother said, "you really should not have done this, it's too expensive, a simple lunch would do. You've already paid for my airline ticket and stay here."

"Mom, you do realize I make a lot of money."

"That does not mean you have to squander it on frivolous things," Carolyn said, the years as a single parent to five children, all of whom went to college, ever present, "and you did not have to send me a first class ticket."

"Spending money on my family is hardly squandering," he smiled at her, "and besides, tickets to the observation deck are included, it's a bargain, and even if I wanted you to travel in the back, you daughter's way to spoiled for that, so I couldn't have you traveling alone."

"Damn right," Kathleen said, "I work damn hard for what I make, so does Kevin and…the money for the kids college education is already put aside, so, we're going to enjoy every bit of what we make, which is not squandering."

"Mom," Kevin spoke as his wife and Meredith exchanged smiles, "see what you started, it's probably going to cost me one hell of a shopping bill," he teased Kathleen, "and we know you like to complain about Shep, all of us really spending money on you, but it's getting old."

"Kevin," Carolyn warned, "you are skating on thin ice today."

"Oh, come on, you know you love being here, and we, none of us, including your sons in law, well with that one notable exception," he smirked, "have any issues spending money on you, or as my wife's American Express can attest spending money period."

"I feel like I never left home," Derek chuckled. "Déjà vu."

"Speaking of which, Derek Christopher," his mother said, "your sisters are driving me crazy, every one of them, except Kathleen since she's here, and I've been charged with getting a commitment before I leave as to when you are taking Meredith to meet them."

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, "real subtle."

"Nothing to be subtle about, and I'm not wasting time with covert innuendos about it, it's not my style. There, out in the open, and before I go home, in fact, I'd be grateful to you both," she fixed her gaze on Meredith and Derek, "if you could give me a date as soon as possible, so they can stop harassing me while I'm here."

"Mom, we're going to be there for the baptism," Derek said, and placed his hand over Meredith's.

"That is practically at the end of the year," his mother argued, "and don't tell me about how you're a surgeon, and Meredith's residency, I've given birth to five doctors Derek, I've been through this five times, you can get two days off together even it's the middle of the week, and fly home."

"Yes, we can," Meredith said, surprising them all. "We'll make sure to get back east before summer's over."

"Meredith," Derek spoke quietly, "we can wait."

"Derek's worried about me," she said bluntly, leaving everyone speechless by confronting the situation without any hint of avoidance, "about how I will feel, since Jenna's due date is so close to what mine would have been."

Each of the adults was affected in their own way by her statement. Kevin reached for Kathleen's hand, acknowledging their twenty year old private loss; Derek watched his wife with tender pride; Carolyn and Meredith exchanged misty glances as the older woman placed her hand over Meredith's.

"We are being very insensitive," Carolyn said, and cleared her throat. "I will speak to the girls, and we will not pressure you at all."

"Oh, no…" Meredith said, gently squeezing her hand. "Please, don't. We'll fly in this summer, and we'll let you know as soon as we can, but it may not be until a couple of weeks before, given my schedule. But, I want to meet everyone too and don't want to wait till the baptism, I'd rather we spend a couple days…in the summer…so when we go back I've met everyone already."

Kathleen and Derek exchanged smiles, though there was a hint of sadness as the siblings understood each other's common loss, but both recognized Meredith's emotional growth and strength since the day she and Kathleen had met just over three months before.

The waiter brought over their wine and the group enjoyed the brunch and the soon turned lighter conversation.

"A toast," Derek said, as they poured the first glass of wine. "Mom, Kevin, welcome to Seattle…to our home, and Kathleen, welcome back."

"May it be the first of many visits," Meredith said, marveling at the light flutter of her heart as she experienced happiness over the idea of family, her family, visiting often.

"Kevin," Derek chuckled, as the conversation easily changed from one subject to the other, "you guys checked seven bags. You do realize I probably have all the gear you need."

"To be fair, Derek," Kathleen interrupted him, and teased her husband, "one was Mom's and two were mine, so he only checked four."

"Shep, we haven't been fly fishing in years, no way in hell I'm going to give you any advantages, you'd probably give me your worst lures and flies and I need my lucky ones, and fishing poles need their own packaging, you know that," Kevin said, and Meredith exchanged glances with Carolyn and Kathleen and the three started laughing as the conversation between the men became more absurd in regard to the merits in the choices of fishing lures.

"Kevin," Meredith winked at him, "I would suggest you use a humpy red, best fly for rainbow trout."

"Meredith," Kathleen laughed, "you've got to be kidding me, you've walked to the dark side. You're talking about fishing."

"Not the dark side, Kathleen…not the dark side at all," she said with a secretive smile.

"Meredith," Kat smiled, "why do I get the feeling you're not talking about fishing?"

"Of course I'm talking about fishing," she said with a half smile.

"Kat," Derek said, "you two have more luggage than Mer and I did for our trip to Italy, and that included winter coats and boots and…"

"I'm not planning on spending it …without clothes…most of the time," his sister teased.

"Kat…" Derek actually blushed, "Mom's here."

"Oh please," Carolyn smirked, the expression so similar to when her son and daughter did the same, "as though I don't know you have sex…especially still newlyweds."

"Not to mention hearing the lion tamer making the lion roar," Kathleen laughed.

"There was more than one lion tamer," Kevin whispered, not so quietly to his wife, "last time she heard that much roaring."

"Mom," Derek said, "I don't remember you letting them talk like this before…they have no self control."

"Sweetheart, you've been gone too long, it's always been this way."

"What she's trying to say," Kevin said without thinking, "last couple years you visited, you were more distracted and not doing a lot of roaring."

"No," Derek said shocking everyone, "that would more than likely have been Mark and Addison."

Everyone was quiet around the table, unsure how to react, though Meredith immediately lowered her head and began fidgeting with her bracelet.

"Hey," Derek said, reaching for her hand first and then kissing her softly, "I love you."

"I know," she said quietly.

"Meredith," Derek said tenderly, "I've told Mark…and you have to know… he was right, not what he did, what they did, but thanks to what happened, I found you…and just for that, even if there was nothing else he's done for us now… I'm grateful…fate had a way of leading me to you, and I don't regret any of it…because I'm here with you."

The other three adults felt like intruders, though in their own ways understood it was something that probably needed to be put behind them, the entire family had to move on, and the past had to be dealt with before moving on with the future.

"Shep, Meredith," Kevin said, "I apologize, I should not have said that."

"Don't apologize Kev, it was the right thing…at the right time, because, Meredith knows what I feel for her, what she means to me, and I know each of you do as well, and because of it, I could say that, truly…a carefree comment, nothing more…because the past is over and done with…and part of our growth…has been to get to where I can joke about it…because if Mark and Addison hadn't happened, it would have taken me that much longer to find the woman I was meant to spend my life with." Meredith and Derek locked gazes, "after all this time, I have no doubt, we would have found each other, because we've always been meant to be together, our fate…our destiny…for a lifetime."

"For a lifetime," Meredith whispered her gaze never leaving his, as she placed her lips on his, and then he brought her hand to his lips, "and beyond."

Derek chuckled, "and what fairy tale doesn't have a witch?"

"A wicked witch, Derek…" Meredith laughed softly, "don't forget…wicked."

"You two…" Kathleen said, "are really making me all sentimental…and", she paused and wiped away a tear.

"We're making you…" Derek smiled, "you've always been that way."

"I'm worse now, since I came out here…and Jenna's rubbing off on me, and don't say it…" she said to Kevin and smiled.

"I haven't said anything," he smiled back.

"But you're thinking it," Kathleen leaned into him, "and you know what…"

"What love," Kevin smiled at his wife.

"I wouldn't be unhappy either," Kathleen said, both referring to their teasing each other about her being pregnant, "ever."

"I know," he said, and kissed her softly, knowing their own family would remain complete as it now was.

"Speaking of kids," Derek said, "Ma, you said you were glad the kids weren't with you."

"First, let's get one thing clear…Addi, wasn't a witch…"

"Mom, I'll spare you," Kevin told her, "she was a bitch. Mer, just so you know, Mom and I never liked her."

"Thank you dear, it's not good to have a grandmother use that kind of language," she said with a deadpan expression that had her four children laughing.

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "why didn't you bring the kids, we thought they were as excited as Kevin about visiting Uncle Derek's wilderness."

"They were, but, we'd decided on the date and arranged for my patients, and Nancy's kids were going to camp for three weeks, her older ones as camp counselors and it's a really great camp but we hadn't signed the kids up this year because we'd already decided to take a family vacation even before we decided to come here. But, it seems the economy is really starting to affect things and they had plenty of slots open, and drastically reduced the cost, though that wasn't really an issue and our kids always love to go." She took a pause and laughed, realizing her long ramble, "so we shipped them all off yesterday and Kevin and I are going to take another week for ourselves, and then before school starts go away with the kids for a week."

"It's amazing," Kevin laughed.

"What is?" Derek asked.

"She's been here two hours and she's rambling…"

"I do that at home too," Kathleen smacked him lightly, "stop teasing."

"Where are you going?" Meredith asked.

"Fiji," Kathleen said, "second honeymoon."

"More like third or fourth," Carolyn laughed.

"Actually," Kevin said, "we lost count…Shep, life with your sister…always a honeymoon."

"Even," Kathleen said, "when we're fighting."

"Especially then," Kevin said and Carolyn laughed at the truth of the statement.

"Speaking of sentimental…" Meredith smiled softly.

"Oh well…" Kathleen laughed, "so what."

"Fiji," Kevin said, "is where I'd have taken your sister on our honeymoon, if we'd had the money for it, so now…after we spend a week here, we'll fly out, which by the way, Shep we'll need to make sure you're taking Mom to the airport, cause we're sending all the bags back with her, and Jenna's husband is going to be at the airport when she gets back home."

"Of course I'm going to take her to the airport," Derek said, "but let me get this straight, you brought seven bags out here, and expect Mom to take them back."

"No," Kevin smirked, "Mom checked a bag. Kathleen and I brought six bags, five of which are going back."

"Derek," Kathleen laughed, "you are not so brainless…"

"Ah…" Derek chuckled, "I was waiting for that…sooner or later…"

"Yes, Dear," his mother laughed, as they all continued enjoying the brunch meal.

"They're going to Fiji," Meredith said, "on another honeymoon, Derek, they won't need a lot of clothing…"

"So…you're joining them to embarrass me about talking sex in front of Mom."

"No," Meredith winked, "she knows about it."

"Five kids Derek," Carolyn quipped, "I know about these things…"

"So, Mom," Derek changed the subject, "you never said why you were glad kids weren't here."

"I'm forever telling them it's not proper to have such public displays of affection," she smiled, "and the minute I'm off the plane, the first thing I see is the two of you in each other's arms, of course it doesn't help their parents are the same."

"You really tell them that?" Kathleen asked.

"Of course dear, but always…remind them, that they will be very lucky if they feel just like their parents do…when they find the right person."

"Mom," Kathleen said reaching over to place her hand over her mother's, "it's what we saw, with you and Dad," and both women blinked away tears, "we learned that kind of love exists from you," while Meredith, Derek and Kevin felt the unique bond between mother and daughter and how they too were part of that familial love.

The waiter came over with a second bottle of wine and filled their glasses, as they continued to enjoy the early afternoon.

"You know Meredith," Carolyn said, "you really should let us in on what you two were laughing and so oblivious about that we had to wait five minutes for you to realize we had arrived."

"You did not wait five minutes," Meredith laughed, "but I'll still tell you, it had to do with your son being brainless and trying to convince me our children will need muzzles."

"Derek Christopher," his mother reprimanded. "How you could even think that, imagine what would have become of the five of you, if I'd muzzled you. Really Derek, I have never heard…"

"Mom," Derek laughed, "there were plenty of times you threatened to muzzle us, you still do in fact, you even threatened Cristina…"

"That's different," Carolyn said, "that girl needs someone to bring out the vulnerable side, which she refuses to admit exists, but you wait and see, she's going to fall head over heels one day and won't know what hit her."

"Don't let her hear you," Meredith said, "she'll think a curse you're sending her way."

"Oh," Carolyn said smiling, "but we Irish always include blessings in those empty threats we refer to as curses," she laughed, "we're a very sentimental lot."

"So, Derek," Kathleen taunted her brother, "you are already thinking of muzzling your kids, that can only mean you're expecting them to be as overly chatty as you were, still are in fact."

"I was not," Derek argued playfully, "you are the one that never shut up, as far back as I can remember, you've never shut up, I only say what's necessary."

"Stop bickering," Carolyn smiled, delighted to be with her two children, and their spouses both of whom in their own way special way had found a place in her heart. "You are not ten anymore, and you're my kids and you're Irish, of course you chatter…but, Derek never have I muzzled you and that is no way to raise kids, especially now Derek, you have to listen to everything they have to say, so you're on top of what is going on around them."

"Mom," Derek told her seriously, "Mer's lying."

"I am not," Meredith told him. "You're going to blame me for your …"

"Mer…" he smiled, their smile.

"Fine," she said, "we're both lying," she said and all adults erupted in laughter.

"Would you care to tell the truth?" Carolyn said very simply.

"We were actually laughing at how both us," Meredith paused, "but Derek more so than I, since he claims to have experience with kids, were totally brainless," she said, and both she and Derek took turns telling the story about the conversation, including seeing Kelly earlier that morning.

"Actually, Meredith," his mother chuckled, "with you as parents, you will probably have chatty rambling babies."

"Thanks Mom," Derek muttered, but all the while smiling that the woman he loved could talk about his past without regrets or blame, and future babies, both secure that from this moment, only the future mattered.

They had finished dessert and Kevin picked up the tab as soon as it was brought and once that was taken care he and Kathleen rose from the table, "great brunch Shep, we're going to go the observation deck, meet you there in a few minutes."

"You were not supposed to pay for this," Derek argued.

"You're taking me fishing…" Kevin smiled, "and putting up with us for a week."

"We want you here," Meredith said, "and you're our guests, so you better stop doing this," she was firmly on Derek's side.

"You can pay for dinner," Kevin laughed and walked away.

"Mom, it's good to have you here," Derek said when they were alone.

"It's good to be here sweetheart, finally get to see where you live, and make sure there are no bears on that cliff of yours," she teased, "and you picked the perfect place for brunch, I've read there's a great view of Mt. Rainier."

"I thought you'd like that," he smiled, "it's a beautiful sight, Mt. Rainier to the south, Cascades to the east and Olympic mountains to the west, all rather spectacular with Puget Sound and ferry boats…"

"You always did love ferry boats," his mother reminisced.

"Still do…" he said, "when I'm with Mer…"

"Will be doing that later," his mother said, "on the way to Bainbridge I take it."

"We will, let you get some rest this afternoon, but it was such a clear day today, wanted to take advantage and bring you here first, especially since Mer's off today and we had not been here together."

"It is lovely sweetheart, but you know, more than the view or the place, I'm just glad to be here with you. Derek, Meredith, I'm so proud of you…both of you are really taking care of each other."

"We are," Meredith said, smiling at his mother, Derek's hand resting on top of hers. "I told you we would."

"Yes, you did," Carolyn said, and placed her hand on top of theirs. "I love you both."

"I love you too Mom," Derek said, and smiled as his wife leaned over to kiss his mother on the cheek and said, "thank you for being here," and that was enough, because each of them knew, without any doubts, that one day Meredith too would utter those same words.

They walked toward the observation deck and Derek told her, "Mom it's a great view at night as well, so we'll come back before you go home."

"Oh dear, that's not necessary."

"No, but you'll enjoy it," he told her just as she smiled and reached for her blackberry.

"Yes, Jenna, we got here," Carolyn smiled, "and we just had brunch at the Space Needle, in fact on our way to the observation deck right now and then heading to the ferry in a while so we can settle in, but you already know that, since I'd bet money…no," she laughed at her daughter's comment, "we have not seen Mark yet, so I've not been pulled into any betting pools, yes you can speak to her," she said and gave Meredith the phone.

"You're not fooling anyone you know, you're just nosy," Meredith laughed, "your mother was right, I think Kathleen's already told you they got here and what we're doing," she said and laughed again at whatever Jenna told her.

"You're milking it for all it's worth," Meredith laughed, "but, yes, she's already told us and we've already told her we'll be flying there this summer," Meredith smiled, "oh, she didn't tell you that…well, we are…we just don't know when that will be since we'll have to work around my schedule," she said and they spoke for a few more minutes, and Derek noticed but didn't say anything about the sudden sadness in Meredith's eyes, "yes, we'll let you know as soon as we can, yes, I'll let you talk to him."

"Sweetheart," Carolyn said, as she too had noticed the expression in Meredith's gaze, "you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled. "It's nice…to have family…it's a new experience for me."

"You're stuck with us…Meredith, and we couldn't be happier," Carolyn said and hugged her briefly as Derek finished the conversation and joined them to meet Kevin and Kathleen.

"Derek," Carolyn asked, "where are Mark and the girls? I hope we'll get to see them soon."

"You'll see them tonight," Derek told her, "having a barbecue at the trailer."

"Finally I'll see for myself what this trailer park is all about," she teased.

"Ma…"

"I'm kidding Derek," she laughed.

"What do you think Mom," Derek asked when they reached the observation deck, "isn't it a truly spectacular view?" However, he missed the glance and smile as her eyes rested on Meredith and him. Meredith standing in front of him, leaning back her head resting gently against him, as he wrapped his arms around her and looked out at the magnificent display of nature. Kathleen and Kevin standing near her, as her daughter's head rested on her husband's shoulder, his arms wrapped around her.

"It is beyond spectacular," she agreed, not talking about the view nature provided, but the love shared by each of the two couples at her side, but today in particular it was Meredith and Derek she marveled at. Fate she thought, and said a silent prayer, God knew what He was doing in bringing the two together, of that she had no doubts, "small miracles we take for granted."

"Irish," Carolyn Shepherd, spoke silently as she so often did, "what a view, not just the majesty of the mountains, but look at our kids…both of them happy…with their soul mates, like us…our first baby girl…and our son…both found what we had, and the others," she smiled misty eyed, "well you know all about the others too…but these four, Irish, they're lucky…so lucky, they have what we had…beyond a lifetime."


	185. Chapter 185

_A/N 8/24/09 Heartfelt thanks to each of you that has left a message, you're the reason I want to do the best I can not to disappoint you and remain true to the story. The visit was supposed to be written in one chapter, but, has turned to three, as there were too many things I kept thinking should be mentioned. To all of you reading…if you enjoy or dislike this, please let me know. I think I borrowed a paragraph or two from Grey's, and sorry…I was in a sappy sentimental mood myself this weekend. Warm regards, Jasmin._

**Ch 178 – Family bonds**

Meredith and Derek walked back in the trailer, after dropping off their family at Skiff Point Guest House, providing them a few hours to settle in before they'd drive out to the trailer. Earlier, on the way to the airport, they'd driven separately to the guest house, and parked Derek's sedan for their use during their stay in Seattle.

"Meredith," Derek said softly, "how about a nap?"

"Just a nap," she smiled mischievously.

"We do have at least two hours before your family descends upon us…" he said, locking the door behind him.

"My family," she laughed as she reached for his hand, and walked to their bed.

"Yes," he said and wrapped his arms around her waist, "they're all yours, because I'd be willing to bet they will show up here earlier than we told them to, and interrupt," he teased her, "our…nap."

"I love your family," she smiled, "my family now too…" she said, and then the hint of insecurity, "at least your Mom and Kat and Kevin, I know they like me."

"They love you," he kissed her softly, "and the rest of them, you know they think of you as family too…"

"I kind of think so," she admitted, her arms linked behind his head.

"I know so," he assured, deepening their kiss briefly, "and from your conversation with Jenna today, and how much you've been talking to all my sisters…I'm certain of it."

"Even Nancy," Meredith admitted, "she's been really trying…and she had some of the best ideas for the kids playing here a few weeks ago."

"Mer," he cupped her face, "let's not waste time, take a nap with me," and kissed her.

"Derek," Meredith said, as she pulled on his hand and they lay down, "thank you for the flowers," she smiled, referring to the lavender stalks he'd cut down to fit in the small vase by their bed.

"It's in bloom now," he smiled, "who was to know lavender grew on our island."

"Our island," she smiled.

"What…"

"Nothing," she said, and snuggled closer to him, her head resting on his chest.

"Meredith…"

"Uhmm…"

"Talk to me…"

"Just," she said, and she could not help the melancholy, "our island…our family…it's progress, and we've come so far…from that night…remember…"

"It's progress," he said, trying to accept her thoughts were positive, and not concentrate on the shame he still felt over the events that followed the night she'd told him she did not want him dating anyone else. But, months had not passed and progress achieved without Meredith's share of immense emotional growth and perception.

"Hey," she said, meeting his gaze, "no brooding."

"I'm not," he said, a simple statement without much reflection in his tone.

"I hope not," she said, and lifted her face to kiss him softly, "because, what I said," she smiled, "is the voice of my heart…marveling at all those things we talk about now, freely speak about what's in our hearts…our family…our island," she laughed softly, "even if it's only forty acres worth of an island…one day…our children…"

"Our home," he said, kissing her softly, "our lifetime…for always…"

"Yes…you see," she hugged him tightly, "progress…after hours of therapy…but most of all, because of you...being there…loving me…always."

"I do love you Meredith…"

"I know you do…that's what made all the difference."

"But…" he began to say.

"Derek…" she said, "no buts…"

"But," he continued, "it's not because of me…loving you…it's our loving each other…being committed to each other…you…forgiving me…"

"See," she said, "I knew the brooding would come up…we forgave each other…and we love each other, that's what made the difference."

"I adore you Meredith Grey."

"I adore you … my knight in shining armor…"

"And…that progress," he teased, "includes finishing age old quotes…"

"Ass…" she giggled.

"Uhmmm…" he chuckled, "that one too…"

"Derek…" their gazes locked. "You do know…don't you…how very much I love you?"

"I do…" he said, and captured her lips, and after his lips and tongue tenderly and exquisitely made her feel the depths of his feelings, he looked at her, "as I hope you do."

"Derek," she said, "I hope you also know that all we've been through…what it took for us to get to this moment, I'd do it all over again…for this… our lifetime together."

"If I could," he said, with deep emotion in his voice, "I'd spare you every second of pain…"

"We can't go back," she said, attempting to disguise the twinge of sadness "and…just know…that being here with you…right now, building our life together…"

"Meredith," he said, as he saw the sadness he'd witnessed earlier when she spoke to Jenna.

"There's," she smiled softly at him, "there's only one thing I'd pray could change…"

"Me too…love…me too," he said, fully understanding, "Brianna."

"Yes," she said softly, "I'd pray…she could be with us."

"Is that what made you sad, earlier today?"

"I haven't been sad today," she said, reassuring him. "It's been a wonderful day."

"When you spoke to Jenna," he insisted, "you had this look, very similar to a few moments ago."

"Oh…"

"Oh…what Meredith… you don't have to do it alone, and it will likely help us both to talk about it."

Meredith remained quiet for a moment, as she entwined their fingers, "Jenna," she paused, and cleared her throat, "mentioned maybe our trip, if we went at the end of summer, could coincide with her baby shower."

"I'm sorry," he said, and hugged her, "I'll talk to Mom and Kathleen."

"No," she said, and hugged him back tightly. "I'll tell them, I know they'll understand, and Kathleen said it would be ok to be sad about it, that it's normal…and it hasn't been that long," she spoke about her miscarriage almost four months before.

"I can do it Mer."

"I know you want to spare me that, but I'm ok talking about it Derek, I am…and I'll tell them, since I'm sure there's going to be lots of talking on our spa retreat days."

"I'm sure of it…the three of you will even have Mom and Cristina rambling."

"You love us anyway," she laughed.

"Yes…I love you anyway, and Kat…and Lexie…" he said, and paused as she looked at him, with a serious face, "as the most wonderful sister in law," he said , and their sudden laughter echoed through the place that felt like the perfect home.

"I love to tease you, both of you," Meredith said, "about that, except, if you ever…ever look at her, other than as my sister…"

"Meredith, come on… I was pissed at you the day I made that comment, and my feelings were hurt you were ignoring me completely and I acted like an ass, and I turned her down, and neither of us had any idea who the other was…"

"Yeah, well, I forgave you both…just don't ever…"

"Do you, think," he said now very seriously, "I'd ever…either of us…"

"No," she said emphatically and kissed him soundly. "No. I do not, and sorry, I'm just kidding around. I love you Derek, I trust you and I know you love me, exclusively."

"I do Meredith, I do…" he said, and the way he looked at her, the way he spoke those words so reverently, the way their gazes met and their souls spoke to each other, was just but a moment in time, a moment that would be repeated throughout their lives, where just one gaze told the other of the depth and commitment to each other, to the love that would last beyond their lifetime.

"So…" she smiled, their gazes still locked, "I think you owe me a nap…"

"Uhmmm…" he raised an eyebrow knowingly, "you want to nap?"

"Desperately," she spoke upon his lips, and felt the smile on his.

"Nap time it is," he said, as his lips devoured hers.

"Derek," Meredith said a couple hours later, as she snuggled into him, "answer the door."

"What door," he mumbled and his arms tightened closer around her naked body.

"Uhmm…" she said, "the trailer door," and snuggled.

"Who'd be knocking, we don't want company, do we…" he said as he began to trail kisses on her shoulders.

"Company," she said suddenly, "company…" and started to untangle herself from his embrace, "oh my God Derek… we fell asleep, it's your Mom…and Kat…and…"

"Oh shit," he said, and indeed scrambled out of bed, as they heard the slightly heavier pounding.

"Shep, get out of bed before Mom & Kat get back," Kevin said, unable to keep from chuckling and then roared laughing when Derek threw the trailer door open.

"We fell asleep," Derek said.

"So did your sister and I, but we still made it here on time," Kevin laughed.

"Where are Mom & Kat?"

"Kat convinced her, you probably went for a walk…" Kevin laughed again.

"Give us a few minutes, we literally just woke up."

"I believe you did…" Kevin said, "Kat and I managed to nap as well."

Seven minutes later, Meredith had brushed her teeth, put her clothes back, refreshed the already light makeup she normally used, and made the bed look as if it had not been used in days. Derek, put his clothes back on and brushed his hair, and pulled on Meredith's hand as they walked outside just as his mother and Kathleen reached the deck.

"Derek, sweetheart, this land is absolutely beautiful," his mother said. "We knocked, and your sister figured you'd be out enjoying a walk."

"We fell asleep," Derek said, his smile and twinkling eyes reminding Carolyn of the young boy years ago.

His mother laughed good heartedly, "oh sweetheart…"

"Mom, it's not nice to laugh at me," he said. "Unless, you share the joke."

"You look just like when you were a little boy and were trying to sneak another frog in the house and got caught."

"You remember," he teased her, as he reached for her hand and she took a stop up to the deck, "all those years ago."

"Every single time," she smiled, "one of my kids tried to pull the wool over my eyes."

"We fell asleep Carolyn, sorry…" Meredith said. "We should have been ready to greet you."

"You know dear," Carolyn said when she reached her side and hugged her, "we had a lovely walk," and then whispered, "you need to brush your hair Meredith, before the others get here, because their teasing is brutal."

"Oh God," Meredith said, realizing she hadn't looked at her hair, "this is the most embarrassing…"

"Don't let it be," Carolyn said, "in our day, I'd probably told Irish not to answer the door."

"Mer," Derek said as he glanced over at her. "Let's show Mom the trailer."

"Let her brush her hair first dear, before the others get here," and after the initial horrified look on Meredith's face, followed by Kevin and Kat's laughter, and Derek's stunned expression, Meredith's laughter echoed through their wilderness, and she wrapped her arms around his mother.

"Carolyn," Meredith said, as both women laughed, and then laughter turned to sentimental tears, "I could never have imagined I'd ever be as lucky as to have you in my life."

"I never imagined my son would find someone," his mother said, "as lovely as you," she said, and leaving an equally sentimental Derek behind walked in the trailer, where Kathleen and Carolyn soon shifted to hostess mode and helped get the food ready to be taken outside.

The two couples, relaxed in each other's arms on the lounge chairs, drinking wine, as did Carolyn when she spoke, "you know Kathleen, you made it sound as though they had nothing but four hard wood chairs to sit, and this is not…"

"Mom, this is all new," Kathleen laughed, "ask Mark, he had to carry the potted plants I pointed out earlier."

"Speak of the devil," Kevin said as they saw Mark's car pull up and three people get out. "Plot away Kat," he murmured in his wife's ear.

"What are you talking about…" she smiled as she saw the new guests approach them.

"Poor man doesn't have a chance," Kevin laughed, "wonder how long it will take."

"So," Kathleen turned in his arms to smile at him, "you agree?"

"I'm not stupid."

"Kevin," she smacked him playfully.

"Honey," he kissed her, "how can I fight the Shepherd feeling, you, Mom, Mer…"

"You're calling Mer a Shepherd…"

"Isn't she?"

"Yeah," Kathleen smiled at her husband, "she really is," she said as she glanced at the couple relaxed in each other's embrace, and as soon as their guests arrived, exchanged a smile and a quick kiss.

"Meredith…" Derek said right before he kissed her, "stop smiling."

"I'm not."

"Leave it alone."

"I'm not doing anything."

"Right," Derek said, "just like Kat and Mom are not thinking the same thing you are, this very second."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," she giggled as the three guests approached.

"Well, this is an appropriately saccharine moment," Cristina quipped, as she was the first to approach, "not just one but two overly affectionate couples."

"Cristina dear," Carolyn said as she got up to greet her with a hug, "I'd missed your sweet disposition."

"You're trying to get a rise out of me," Cristina smirked, but allowed herself just a second of hugging her back, "won't happen you know, and you can say bitter," she taunted.

"I'm sure you're right dear," Carolyn smiled, "and I knew I could count on you to clearly interpret my meaning," she said and actually had Cristina smiling.

"You're one of a kind, Mama Shep," Cristina told her, "Mer's one lucky bitch," she said repeating what she'd said in Venice.

"Lexie, Mark, I'm happy to see you," she said and proceeded to first hug Lexie.

"Ailene…Carolyn…" Lexie smiled, "well, not sure what to call you…but I'm so happy to see you too…and the spa, can't wait till we get to do that, and Kat," she turned to Derek's sister, "it was so nice of you to do that."

"I'm delighted you were able to get the time off," Kathleen smiled as she kissed her cheek and hugged her, "both of you," she said, while she greeted Cristina with a kiss on the cheek, figuring she'd let her mom do the hugging.

"Mark dear," Carolyn commented as she hugged Mark, "I thought you'd bring your girlfriend with you," she said smiling.

"What is it with women trying to tie men down. I don't have a girlfriend; I'm in and adult relationship that works for us both."

"That's what I meant dear, I thought you'd be bringing her."

"Why," he said, hiding a smile, "to satisfy the gossips like Kat & Mer…"

"What," both women said, and then Kathleen continued, "Sloan, stop hiding behind us, and just call Mom a gossip, leave us out of it."

Ignoring Kathleen he said, "we spent the weekend away and I just dropped Tracy off at the hospital, she's covering a seven o'clock shift this week."

"Well, I'm sure I'll meet her when I visit the hospital this week dear," Carolyn commented. "Is that why you brought Cristina and Lexie with you? Since you had to go by the hospital?"

"No," Mark said, "Tracy just switched this morning to cover someone's illness, but I told Lexie on Friday that I'd give her a ride here, and since she and Yang had the same shift today, figured it was better than her riding that motorcycle of hers through the wilderness."

"That was very nice dear," Carolyn smiled. "Cristina, I haven't asked you, how's our bet going?"

"As well as you can imagine it is," Cristina responded, and both women laughed.

"Mark," Carolyn commented, "I'm so proud of you, three months later and still dating the same woman."

"Don't you dare start planning a wedding, or mention girlfriends or anything like that," Mark smirked, "I know you," he looked at Carolyn, "stop smiling, all of you," he said, not missing the exchange between the three women who were now once again comfortably settled in the lounge chairs.

"We wouldn't dream of it dear, well, I can't speak for my daughters," she said looking over to Meredith and Kathleen, "but I am a lot more discreet than that," she said, and every adult roared with laughter.

"Discreet," Cristina was the first to speak, "not to mention subtle, after telling me Burke's actions were those of a coward and dishonorable man, within a half hour of talking to me on the way to Venice."

Meredith tensed in Derek's arms. Cristina never spoke about this, and he whispered quietly to her. "It's ok," he said, "they seem to understand each other."

"I don't need a lot of time to make up my mind about obvious things. Cristina, you deserve better than that, and you'll have that, no matter how much you fight it, or believe otherwise," Carolyn Shepherd stated.

"Thank you," Cristina said simply. "But, that doesn't mean you're not nosy and indiscreet, or that you're wrong about me falling head over heels nonsense."

"Cristina," Lexie turned to her, "that's not very respectful."

"She's right Yang," Mark echoed. "She's a wily old fox, that likes to hold her liquor, but still, it's better to say it behind her back," he teased.

"Mark Sloan," Meredith spoke up, "you can't speak of her that way, seriously."

"Meredith," Kevin chuckled, "she's used to it, and she loves it."

"I'm not quite sure I love all the insults," Carolyn said, "but, thank you Meredith," she winked at her, "seems like the rest of these young folk have no respect for the elderly."

"The elderly," Kevin chuckled, "whatever you're cooking, count me out of it, Kathleen, stay out of it."

"I'm surprised Kathleen," Cristina said, "that you let him tell you what to do."

"Did he say something?" Kathleen said with a mischievous expression.

"So…" Lexie laughed, "that's the secret to marriage."

"Without a doubt," Kevin said, "right honey?"

"The secret Lexie," Kathleen said, as her husband wrapped his arms tighter around her, "is to know how to properly interpret each other's meaning," she laughed, "you see, that comment from him, was just his way of being able to come back later and say, I told you so, but he's dying of curiosity to see what it is, if anything, that is going on."

"You're serious?" Lexie asked.

"Twenty years worth…and on our way to a honeymoon," Kathleen smiled.

"Another one," Mark smirked, "shit Kev how many have you been on? Kathleen's way too high maintenance for me," he winked at her.

"Never enough Mark," he nuzzled his wife's neck, "in reality…everyday's like our honeymoon, and you're just jealous."

"Lexie, Yang," Mark said, "let's go for a walk before these overly sappy sentimental couples begin to rub off on any of us that still retain some sanity."

"You go ahead," Cristina said, "I'm going to help so we can get dinner going, I'm starving."

"I can help," Lexie too, "I'm starving too."

"No dear," Carolyn said, "you go ahead, there's not a lot to be done, and with Cristina's help we should be able to manage to get dinner ready fairly soon, not too mention there's not much room in that cylinder tube of Derek's."

"Ailene...Car…" Lexie began to say.

"Just call her Mama Shep," Cristina said, "make it easier than trying to figure out which personality suits her best."

"Come on Grey," Mark said, "before we need to hose those two down," he chuckled, as he watched Kevin kiss his wife's neck.

"If you are any more indiscreet," Cristina looked at Carolyn, when Mark and Lexie were gone, "all of you really, they're going to know exactly what you're thinking…so stop."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Meredith said.

"Mer," Cristina said, "that's not going to fly, you're as guilty as Mama Shep, and Kathleen all of you stop with the innuendos, he has been seeing Tracy for three months, and bets are…"

"Yang," Derek chuckled, "I should have known better, you're as bad as they are. God help him, he doesn't have a chance."

"Hey," Meredith glared at him, part of her involuntary defensive, and started to get up, "you didn't do so badly, with a Grey."

Derek pulled her to a standing position and walked away for a bit of privacy and embraced her, holding her in silence before he spoke. "I," he kissed her softly, "could not have done better."

"It didn't sound that way," she bit her bottom lip, "more like …"

"Meredith…" he locked gazes with her, "we're going to go over our quota today…"

"Sorry," she smiled sheepishly, a half smile, before rolling her eyes. "I think Cristina's right," she said, playing with the curls, a bit long now, at the nape of his neck, "we are overly sentimental sappy people. But, is it wrong…I want this for them…for Lexie and Cristina, just a bit of what we have Derek…would be amazing."

"They can't have what we have…" Derek said to her, pressing his lips on hers, "what we have is extraordinary…because of you."

"Because of us…" Meredith said, and they shared an intimately tender kiss.

The next several hours recaptured the rapport they'd had in Venice; the easy banter, the mutual teasing, the oftentimes serious comment later followed by laughter, all bound by common threads of friendship and family, further cemented and woven into the imaginary tapestry of legendary lovers. Priceless threads woven into that treasured vision of a tapestry that continued to create lifetime bonds dictated by deep love and affection.

Sunset's approach had them all gathering at the infamous cliff, witnessing a spectacular display of nature's most vivid and vibrant hues of yellow, orange, red, purple and indigo, as each of the eight people experienced their own moment of peaceful tranquility, while all of them, if asked, would have also said they had the strongest of feelings they'd all gather again at that very spot for celebrations that would leave lasting and treasured memories.

Two of the eight, would be shocked to learn that three were absolutely certain of one particular future celebration, involving them in the not so very distant future. The group returned to the trailer and with everyone's help all traces of the meal were soon put away, as well as final discussion of the week's events.

Content and safe in her husband's arms, Meredith relaxed further into his embrace as his arms were wrapped around her, gently caressing her, while she waved goodbye to their family, and she smiled, at the thought of that, their family.

The night's sky, peppered with brightly shining stars illuminated their land. Fate, though, even Meredith would not be opposed to thinking it was God, was smiling down upon them, yes the winds of change were indeed upon them, the gentle path of their future had clearly begun for lovers once clouded by shrouds of avoidance, now freely expressing their feelings.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"Derek…" she paused, as he felt her intake of breath and heard the catch in her voice.

"Uhmmm…" he responded, giving her the moment he sensed she needed.

"He was right…" she said.

"Who was right…?"

"Denny…he was right…" she said her voice full of emotion, and she turned to face him.

"Meredith," he said, unable to fathom what had prompted thought that Duquette had been right, but once more the depth of her soul was displayed in her eyes.

"Thank you…" she said, and had to pause as the lump of emotions was permanently lodged in her throat, "for not giving up on me…on us…"

"Meredith…"

"No…let me finish…you are my miracle," she said and he captured the tears that began to escape, "you believed in us when I didn't…that night…when I gave up on us…and you called Kathleen."

"Please don't…" he said, kissing her softly, tears mingled in their kiss.

"You have to know…I have to tell you Derek…he said it was a miracle, so very rare someone like you existed," she sniffled through her words, "an optimist…believing in true love and magic and soul mates…and I knew I had to come back, for you…and then weeks ago…I let you down…my words… what I said, please forgive me…"

"Meredith don't do this…we've already forgiven each other, I too had to be forgiven."

"I have to tell you…I do…you're my miracle…you saved me…in so many ways…you believed in us…our love…and you changed my life Derek…you made my life complete, and if by chance today I said or did anything to make you doubt that…please know that just as in our wedding vows Derek…I will spend the rest of my life…loving you always."

"You're my miracle Meredith…my priceless treasure, you saved me first love," he said, "you believed in us first…right here on this spot, on a night as this…"

"It was," she said, "it was… a night as this…and tonight I had to say all this…these feelings Derek, deep from my heart and soul…I had to tell you… I love you Derek…I love you so much," and tenderly at first, salty tears on their lips they kissed, and then the ageless mating of tongues turned to inevitable passion, and as that first night they came together on this land, she taking their future on faith, she now reached for his hand and with only the bright shiny stars as their witnesses, he closed the door of the trailer behind them, giving in once again to the love that was meant to last beyond their lifetime.

Meredith and Derek joined Carolyn, Kevin and Kathleen for what Meredith said was an insanely early breakfast at five before they all boarded the ferry, their guests heading to the San Juan Islands overnight and the couple to Seattle Grace, where they came across each other briefly during the day. Then, sixteen hours into her thirty-six hour shift, she felt his eyes on her before she saw him, and he stood at her side while she finished the last of her charts, and she smiled. She'd been craving a whiff of him, and he reached for her hand and led her to the on call room he'd secured in anticipation of her mandatory five hour break, and pulling her down on the bed, they simply held each other after their whispered I love you's and a handful of tender kisses, before succumbing to much needed sleep.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Mark said on Tuesday afternoon as he approached the three guests from the East that had just exited the elevators and immediately kissed Kathleen' s cheek, shook Kevin's hand and embraced Carolyn Shepherd.

"Disrespectful as ever," Carolyn mock scolded, and walked determinedly toward her goal. "I told Derek we'd drop by the nurse's station so he could be paged when we got here."

"Did he lose his phone?" Mark taunted.

"Not to my knowledge," Carolyn said unfazed, "why?"

"Seems to me," he drawled, "you'd call him to let him know, not have someone at the nurse's station do that."

"But then," she said without missing a beat, "I wouldn't get to meet some of your friends, now would I?"

"Don't you think" Mark said, "you could try to be a little subtle?"

"Whatever for dear, why waste time?" She smiled, seeing the little boy that had grown into a man, while retaining the emotional maturity of the lonely boy she'd welcome into her home over thirty years before.

"If you'd asked," Mark told her, "I could have told you Tracy was not on duty till seven."

"Really?" Kathleen said.

"Kevin, keep her under control," Mark smirked.

"He does Mark…he does," Kathleen laughed. "But…just so you know…"

"Hi Mark," Tracy said as she approached the nurse's station, "Kathleen, it's good to see you again."

"What are you doing here?" Mark asked.

"Patient from last night had complications, so I switched shifts tonight, came in a little earlier."

"You were saying Mark," Kathleen laughed, "if you had listened…I could have told."

"Mark dear," Carolyn interrupted, "shouldn't you introduce us?"

"Tracy," Mark said, "I'd like you to meet Mrs. Shepherd, Derek and Kathleen's mom."

"It's a pleasure to meet you Mrs. Shepherd," Tracy said extending her hand, "Mark thinks the world of you."

"I'm very pleased to meet you too. He was one more added to my brood of five," Carolyn said and smiled at the young woman, "as was this one, meet my son in law, Kevin."

"You must have had your hands full," Tracy smiled.

"Believe me, they were definitely a challenge," Carolyn said, "but not much's changed with Mark in that regard."

"Mom," Kathleen said.

"It's true dear, he hasn't changed that much," and they spent a few minutes socializing, as Derek joined them and proceeded to introduce his mother to the rest of the fab4 on duty, and tell her Meredith would be ready to go in less than an hour, and then he made a point of introducing his family to Miranda Bailey, then dropped by Richard Webber's office and both he and his mother spoke of their initial meeting years before when he first mentored Derek.

The plans for the evening included a casual dinner at Joe's, especially after Kathleen's tale of the legendary lovers assignation, and it was pretty much established his sisters and mother would all end up at the place where it had all began. Meredith had just finished a brutal shift and opted to go home first to shower and change.

"Mer," Izzie called out from the kitchen, "is that you?"

"Yes, I'm with Derek and…"

Izzie's usual happy chatter did not hear beyond the yes response, as she started to talk and make her way to the living room. "Great and you don't have to worry about anything, I've cleaned the house top to bottom, stashed all the tequila, took the condoms out of the cookie jar and replaced all the trashy magazines with…" she stopped, stunned, in front of five people.

"Izzie," Derek said, "meet my mom, Carolyn."

"Isobel, the baker," his mom smiled, "it's a pleasure to meet you dear."

"Mrs. Shepherd, I'm…it's…forget what you heard…all that stuff…not Meredith's, they belong to Alex and George, and the trashy magazines…all mine, but still you're visiting so we had to get rid of them, well not get rid of them, because that's like pretending, but just cleaning up…you know…you're the mother in law."

"What did you replace the trashy magazines with," Carolyn laughed.

"Annals of surgery." Izzie said, silently mouthing "I'm sorry," to Meredith and Derek.

"Good choice. I've seen lots of those at my girl's home. But, condoms in the cookie jar, haven't come across that, which is no surprise since there's fourteen grandkids," and the tension was broken as all five adults except Izzie laughed good naturedly.

"Mrs. Shepherd, Meredith, Derek…I'm so sorry…I didn't know…I don't know why I have to chatter and…"

"It's ok Izzie," Kathleen said as she greeted her with a kiss on the check, "she keeps telling us she knows about sex."

"Oh God," Izzie groaned, covering her face with her hands.

"Izzie," Carolyn said, "meet Kevin, Kathleen's husband, since she forgot to introduce you," and for the next several minutes, the three guests and Izzie made small talk, including the exchange of recipes while Meredith ran upstairs to take a quick shower, and Derek followed and though she refused to have him join her, they shared a few minutes of intimacy and laughed about the earlier incident, which not so long ago would have horrified his wife, and likely led to digging out the tequila before facing his mother again.

The evening at Joe's brought Meredith and Derek's family together for the first time, but unbeknownst to them, only one of two times where all would be together. The usual camaraderie that existed among Meredith's Seattle family of five easily embraced Carolyn and Kevin as the newcomers and the evening ensued with laughter and lighthearted teasing, while childhood and intern tales were exchanged and Meredith basked in the happiness of old and new family bonds.

"Lexie," Carolyn said after observing her behavior closely throughout the evening, "you like George, don't you?"

"What? No…why would you think that…Ailene…Carolyn…Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Honey, it would be so much easier if you'd just call me Mom, I'm sure Susan would not mind at all, and I'm in need of mothering you know, cause my kids, they've had enough."

"Oh…I…I couldn't…not, not because of Mom…but Meredith…she, she needs to call you Mom, she's never had that…and she's changed so much, since you've been in her life, you've shown what a mother's love is like…when she's ready to call you Mom, after that, then…we'll see."

"You're a good girl Lexie, your sister is very lucky to have you."

"I'm lucky to have her."

"So, tell me…about George?"

"He's my friend…that's all…and we're room mates."

"You like him, maybe just a crush…but you do," Carolyn said sagely.

"Maybe just a crush," Lexie admitted.

"Lexie dear, I'm going to talk to you like a Mom."

"Ok," she said and saw Meredith glance over to them and frown.

"He's not for you…a friend maybe, but romantic…you need…well," she glanced over at Mark and shook her head, laughing silently at herself, what in the world are you thinking Ailene Shepherd, Irish, help me here, I'm crazy with what I'm thinking, and could have sworn she head his chuckle, remember us…Irish…remember us.

"Carolyn," Lexie said, "are you ok?"

"What," she was brought out of her reminiscing, "sorry dear, I got lost in thoughts…about my husband."

"You still miss him…after all these years," Lexie smiled and leaned over to kiss her check. "I hope I have that…what you found…and Meredith and Derek…and Kathleen."

"You will," Carolyn said, "I know you will…but dear, you need someone more…I'm not quite sure what the word is, not mature," she laughed at the absurdity of that word applied to Mark, "but…a little older maybe…"

"Older…" Lexie questioned, "why?"

"Just…I don't know…a feeling," Carolyn said.

"I'm not really ready to settle down or anything, but I like George…and I mean, sometimes…you want someone…and they keep you company…and even if I want to wait to get married when I'm older, after finishing my internship…and…"

"Yes dear, I know…a buddy…"

"Carolyn," Lexie said louder than she intended, and Meredith made her way to the table.

"You two ok?" Meredith asked.

"Of course dear," Carolyn said, and whispered to both girls, "I was just telling Lexie she needs an older man…even if just…as …you know…a buddy…"

"Carolyn," it was Meredith's turn to exclaim, "it's my little sister you're talking about," and then the three women laughed.

"Well, I expect you can have a sister to sister talk…but, I still have some motherly advice to give…to you both," she said smiling.

"Now," Meredith said, "tell me what else you were really talking about."

"Not the best place," Carolyn said, "but I'm sure we can catch up on it at the spa."

"Ok, just give me a hint," Meredith said, surprising herself once again at the ease of the relationship she'd come to cherish with her mother in law.

"George," both Carolyn and Lexie said at the same time.

"George?" Meredith questioned.

"One hint, that's all you get," Carolyn smiled, and leaned in to whisper to her, "and Mark. Pick one."

Meredith's laughter reached Derek, and he turned and smiled when he saw her and his mother exchanging what they obviously considered a secret. One he would surely get out of her later that evening, and, surely, he did, with the warning to stop any intended meddling.

"Derek," Meredith whispered early in the morning hours, "are you awake?"

"Uhmmm…" Derek mumbled, "not quite…it's night…go back to sleep."

"Derek…" she smiled, as her hands began to roam lightly over his body, "you fell asleep on me last night."

"Uhmmm…" he continued to mumble sleepily, until her hands roamed lower, and then, a smile, "uhmmm…don't stop…"

"Are you going to wake up…come on Derek…you have to get up…" she continued to caress his body, intimately, as only she knew he loved.

Derek smiled, his eyes still closed, "I think you'll definitely manage to get a rise out of me…"

"That's not what I meant," she giggled, "well, it is…but…you fell asleep last night," she teased and effectively woke him up.

"I fell asleep," he growled, shifting their bodies so he covered hers, "I fell asleep…"

"Well," she smiled seductively, "you let me fall asleep…same thing, now that we share marital assets and things…" she teased him.

"Is it now…" he teased her, the growth of the beard he had not shaved in two days, scratching her slightly.

"It is, when you're going to be gone three days…two whole nights…and you let me fall asleep…don't you want me anymore," she pouted teasingly, as his erection had become quite evident against her.

"Do you really need an answer," he said, "or should I just show you…"

"Both," she giggled.

"You were tired…after a thirty six hour shift, and you fell asleep on the drive home…I wanted you to sleep."

"I wanted you," she told him, as she nibbled on his lips, biting him playfully.

"I still do," he teased, "and I knew," he took a deep breath, as her hands caressed the length of him, "I'd have you…all of you…this morning."

"Did you now…" she smiled, as his lips captured hers and indeed they enjoyed pleasuring each other, and then lay in each other's arms talking quietly.

"It's almost time for me to leave," he said, "I have to get Mark at the hotel and Kevin at the dock. Kathleen and Mom will drive over here to get you."

Meredith snuggled into him, "I still can't believe you got Mark to go with you…fishing and camping."

"I think he didn't want to be left out," Derek told her.

"Left out from fishing and camping…I hope he got the right pair of shoes," she laughed, referring to the ones Derek replaced.

"Uhmmm…no…"

"Then what?"

"Kevin and I have always been close. Like Mom said, he's been around since he's three. But Mark and I were inseparable and I think he needs to feel like he's part of the family, his family was never there for him, and think he adopted us emotionally almost from the beginning."

"That's sad," she said, "but at least he had all of you," and didn't anticipate the effect her words had on Derek.

"I wish you'd had a family growing up Meredith," he said, deep sadness evident in his gaze. "I'm sorry you didn't, but now, if you let them, my family…they'll always be there for you."

"Oh…Derek, I know…I already know…and it's ok," she caressed his face, "don't be sad for me…look at what I have now…don't be sad…I'm ok, you've made it ok."

"I love you," he told her, brushing her lips softly.

"I know…and I also know…your family is now mine."

"Mom loves you."

"She's very forgiving…and loving."

"Hey…no more of that talk…"

"She knows I hurt you…and still, she's accepted me."

"She loves you, and she knows I hurt you too."

"I think she does," Meredith smiled. "Derek…you know what?"

"What," he said, gently caressing her face, kissing her softly.

"I'm really glad she didn't like the wicked witch," she said, and the smile that followed made him beam with pride at how much this woman, this woman he absolutely adored had grown in such a very short period of time.

"She must have known," he said, "in her heart…that the one for me…was yet to come."

"Derek…one day…I know I want to call her Mom."

"Whenever you're ready…she'll love to hear it."

"I've said it once or twice…"

"I know you have."

"But…all the time, I'm not ready yet."

"Meredith," he said, after they'd been silent in each other's arms. "Are you going to be ok, going to the spa? Is it too soon?"

Meredith kissed him deeply and then she said, "I'm going to be fine. Truly fine…because of you…because you were my strength and you've helped me heal, and because of that I can talk about it…and be sad about it, and still be fine, because I believe in our future, and our dreams Derek, and I know deep in my heart they will come true."

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," she said and then, raising her eyebrows suggestively said, "time for a quickie…"

"Definitely a quickie," he said as he entwined their hands and captured her lips.

The vibration of Derek's phone surprised them as Meredith filled Derek's coffee cup.

"Why in the world are you all on the ferry at five forty five in the morning, you're not supposed to leave till about nine this morning? Sure, I was just about to leave, we'll see you here in about twenty minutes."

"What happened," Meredith asked, and still craving her husband's embrace she walked up to him and hugged him.

"They're on east coast time, so they were all up and figured they'd just drive Kevin here," he hugged her, his hands soothingly caressing her back. "They're going to get Mark on the way here," he said and kissed her softly. "Wish they'd let us know earlier…that quickie could have lasted a lot longer."

"No quickies when you get back," Meredith told him, "well…maybe when you first get back…I might just jump you…this is the first time we're away from each other two nights in a row since we got married…"

"Probably," he agreed, "a quickie…fast…and hard…and…" he hugged her tightly and then kissed her until they both were breathless.

"You are not playing fair," she said, "they're going to be here any minute, and I'm not risking getting caught by your mother…"

"Mer…" Derek gave her their look, "if Izzie had left the condoms in the cookie jar, we'd have time for another quickie…" he said, and silenced her laugh with a kiss.

"My insatiable beast," she smiled, "I'll fill the cookie jar again…your mother already knows anyway."

"Please do…" he kissed her, and they heard the light knock on the door, and Derek went to answer, Meredith following.

"Good morning," Carolyn smiled and kissed both her children, "you both look wide awake at six in the morning."

"They've been having sex," Mark grunted, "can't you tell the satisfied smiles."

"Well, that's a very healthy way to start the morning, I remember it well."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark reverted to the childhood and most often used name for her, "don't do that…please, it's bad enough we had to learn about Kat's phone sex activities."

"You're just jealous," Kevin taunted him, "and you should be…nothing like sex with your wife first thing in the morning," he said, and just to annoy Mark, kissed Kathleen soundly.

"I think I'm going to change my mind, go back to the hotel and avoid the two of you whining about how horny you are missing your wives."

"Mark Sloan," Carolyn taunted him, "watch your language."

"What…" he suddenly seemed to wake up. "You even told me that yourself…the word that is, that I had the emotional maturity of a horny fifteen year old, and let me tell you, that hurt…fifteen…shit…at least say eighteen…make it legal," he said, and had the five adults laughing at him.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "Mom and I are on east coast time, so we're going to go to the grocery store and buy what she needs to cook Saturday night."

"Saturday night," Meredith said, "what does she need? We're going out to dinner."

"Sweetheart, what I'd really like, if it's ok with you," Carolyn said, "if I'm not imposing, is to make a home cooked meal for you…for us to stay home and enjoy our family being together, here…in your home."

"But…you're our guests…we're taking you out to dinner…Derek…right?"

"We can do that," Carolyn said, "but it's been a long while since I've had a chance to cook one of Derek's favorites, and no smirking Kathleen, I know he thinks you're a better cook. But, this particular dish, I still make better than you do."

"What…" Derek said glaring at his sister, "I never said I liked her cooking better. I love your cooking."

"I know dear, and how can I get mad when she's a better cook than I am, since I taught her, but mind you…there are some…she still can't top. Now, stop glaring at her, she didn't say anything Jenna did."

"She what…that…wait till I talk to her," Derek said.

"Derek sweetheart, just wait till after she's had the baby, I may have to gag her if that girl cries over one more silly thing…"

"Mom," Kevin laughed, "she cries over silly things all the time…she's been using that for years."

"I know Kevin," Carolyn said, "but when she's pregnant I ignore it, and gag her afterwards."

"Good morning," they heard Izzie's cheerful voice, "I didn't know you were meeting here, I'd have been up earlier and made everyone breakfast."

"We didn't know ourselves," Kathleen said, "but seems like we're still on east coast time, so Mom and I are going shopping…I mean," she turned to Meredith, "if it's ok?"

"Yes," Meredith said, and put her arm around Derek's waist, resting her head on his chest, "I'd love your home cooking…Mom's home cooking," she said without thinking, but deeply touched everyone, including Lexie who was on her way downstairs. "I mean I'd like to taste your cooking too, but think…it's your Mom's night."

"All right then, Kathleen and I will go to the grocery store, we passed one that was open twenty four hours and get everything we need."

"Grey, good morning," Mark said smiling at Lexie, "now I can tell Kelly you really do look good in pajamas," and she laughed, "you better not tell her that."

"Stop that," Meredith said, "both of you…no flirting, Kathleen smack him for me," she said and laughed when she actually did.

"Shit, Kat, stop doing that," Mark said.

"Listen to her sister, stop flirting with Lexie."

"Who the hell's flirting, she looks good," he smiled and winked at Lexie.

"Meredith," Lexie said, "he's doing it because he knows it bothers you."

"Doesn't bother me," Meredith shrugged, testing a different tactic, "but I'm sure it would bother Tracy, and Lexie's boyfriend."

"Grey," Mark said, "I didn't know you had a boyfriend," not sure what the hell had just happened, Tracy knew he was friends with Lexie, nothing more, even thinking of it was crazy, so why did it suddenly bother him that Lexie had a boyfriend.

"I don't have a boyfriend," she looked at Meredith, "Mer where did you get that idea, surely not from last night?"

"Of course not," Meredith said, lying outright, refusing to meet Carolyn or Kathleen's gaze, lest they start laughing. She was testing the waters overtly.

"Meredith," Derek nuzzled her neck, "stop while you're ahead."

"Mark, I know she doesn't have a boyfriend, right now, but she will, it's just a matter of time, sooner I think rather than later, don't you think Carolyn?"

"Of course I do, she's a lovely girl, and I'm already thinking of possible candidates."

"Meddling old woman," Mark said.

"What did you call me dear?" Carolyn said.

"A meddling old woman…and these two," he pointed to Meredith and Kathleen, "meddling gossips."

"Mark," Lexie said, without realizing her words would cause additional doubts that would remain unvoiced for months to come, "I think they all just want to see us both settled down…" she stopped, "I mean…with people…like a couple…but with other people, not us…together as a couple…but you and Tracy…and me…and someone…"

"That's my quota of rambling for the day," Derek said, earning a light smack from Meredith, "ass."

"Yes, dear… I love you too," he said, before his wife shut him up with a kiss.

"Kat, Carolyn, before we go to the grocery store, you may want to look to see what we have here," Meredith said.

"Don't worry about that, you can use whatever's left," Carolyn teased Meredith, "or anyone that decides to cook can use it."

"Derek or Izzie," Meredith told her smiling, "but you already know that."

"Yes, I do. Now, Mark," Carolyn said, "why don't you come outside with me and you can transfer Kevin's bag to Derek's car."

"Why," Mark said like a petulant child, "he brought ten suitcases, let him transfer it."

"Because, it's only one bag, they packed it all yesterday, and I'm asking you, so these two married couples can indulge in whatever form of private goodbye they choose."

"Damn bossy…no wonder Kathleen's like that," he grumbled, though his heart knew the joy of family, of belonging in this family he was lucky enough had forgiven him. "Enjoy the spa Xena," he smiled at Lexie before walking out the door.

"Kathleen, kiss Kevin goodbye, I'll be in the car so we can go to the store."

"I'll be ready in a few minutes," Meredith said, "and join you."

"Meredith, kiss your husband goodbye," Carolyn said, "and go back to bed like you'd planned to do, Lexie can let us in."

"But…you're going shopping for dinner at our house, you can't…" Meredith argued.

"You've been working long shifts, get a couple more hours sleep and we'll leave at nine like we'd planned," his mother told her.

"Listen to Mom," Derek told her, "you were planning on going back to sleep."

"Thank you Carolyn, Kathleen," Meredith said, "I'll be ready for us to leave at nine, make yourselves at home when you get back," and Derek pulled her in to the study.

"I'm going to miss you," he said, and hugged her, "every bit of you, especially…your scent…as I wake up in the morning."

"I'm going to miss you too," Meredith met his gaze, and then kissed him softly, "first time…there'll be two nights I don't get to kiss you goodnight."

"We'll make up for it," he nibbled her lips playfully, "when I get back."

"We will," she smiled, and they lost themselves in a kiss.

"I'll see you on Friday," Derek said, "pick you up at the spa."

"Derek," her hand, rested on his shoulders, while the other caressed his stubbly face, "you'll be careful, look out for bears and wild animals…remember…when we went fly fishing…there were bear sightings."

"We're going to a different place, don't worry."

"I do worry…promise…you'll be careful."

"Yes…Meredith," he spoke against her lips, "I love you."

"I love you too…" she kissed back softly, "please…be careful."

They walked out of the study holding hands, just as Kathleen and Kevin broke away from a kiss. "Ready to go Kev? We want to avoid some of the morning traffic."

"Let's go rescue Mark, before Mom's feelings have him married with children," Kevin chuckled and pulled on Kathleen's hand.

"Mom, Kat and Mer's feelings," Derek laughed with him, "and Yang's bets, he doesn't stand a chance," he hugged Meredith to his side and kissed her temple and whispered, "and if he's lucky…very lucky…one day…"

"We'll be godparents to his children," Meredith smiled, "or…their children…one day…"

"Call me," Derek said, "if you need anything, my phone's charged, I'm turning off the emails not to drain the battery, so you can reach me anytime."

"Derek, if…you can…" she said, meeting his gaze, and without even saying a word he knew what she wanted.

"I'll call you," he smiled, "to say goodnight."

"I love you," she said as she threw her arms around him and hugged him, "be careful."

"You too," he teased, "stay out of the kitchen."

"Ass."

"Perfect send off," he chuckled. "I'll call you each night, but don't worry, in case I don't have reception, and Mer..."

"Uhmm…"

"At the spa, stay away from fly fishing, don't want to worry about you and bears either."

They held hands and she walked with him to the car, and gave him one last quick kiss before he got in the car, and stood by his mother and sister as they waved them goodbye.

"Go back to bed dear," Carolyn put her arms around her, "your neighbors are wondering why you're standing out here in your robe," she teased Meredith.

"Saying goodbye to my husband," Meredith smiled, "and his meddling mother and sister, before they insist on going to buy food for our third month's wedding anniversary," she said and hugged Carolyn.

"Appropriate," Kathleen said, "don't you think, that we're here, to celebrate that day?"

"Very…" Meredith said, "I couldn't be happier that you'll be here."

"Though," Carolyn said," we do promise to leave early…so you can make the most of your private celebration."

"You do realize that it's rather embarrassing,"Meredith laughed, "you talking about our sex life."

"I don't see why," Carolyn, laughed, "it's healthy dear."

"Carolyn," Meredith hugged her, "I do love..." she stopped herself, "that you're here…"

"Get some sleep Meredith, you have a long shift tonight, and we'll be back in a while."

Kathleen linked her arms through her mother's and both watched Meredith walk up the steps to the house, "you can be mushy and sentimental Mom…I heard it too…" she said, and kissed her mother's cheek.

"She called me Mom," Carolyn smiled at her daughter, "I don't think she even realized it, she wanted Mom's cooking…and just now…"

"She'll be ready soon Mom, and if she'd let herself, she'd have said, I love you."

"They've come a long way…haven't they Kathleen, since the day he called you?"

"They've become truly extraordinary, they've grown so much, their bond and love, their commitment is so incredibly strong, and Mom…could you feel it…the other day…at the Needle…could you feel Dad's presence there too?"

"Oh sweetheart, yes…and you know what I said to him, well you know I always talk to him…not like a crazy woman…but share my thoughts with him…"

"I know Mom, I do too," Kathleen smiled melancholically, as they walked to the car.

"I said, Irish," Carolyn Shepherd, shared her thoughts with her daughter, "what a view, not just the majesty of the mountains, but look at our kids…both of them happy…with their soul mates, like us…our first baby girl…and our son…both found what we had, and the others," she paused, "I had to make an editorial comment here," she smiled at her daughter, "so I said, well you know all about the others too…but these four, Irish, they're lucky…so lucky, they have what we had…beyond a lifetime."

"I love you Mom…" Kathleen hugged her, uncaring of their display of affection as they stood in Meredith's driveway by Derek's car, "and I don't say that enough, but you…you are the reason we have that, because we saw it, you and Dad…and since he's been gone, you've never stopped loving him. I love Kevin like that, he is my soul mate."

"You know what I love Kathleen," Carolyn said, reaching for her daughter's hand, "that Dad knew Kevin, and even when you two were little, he knew you were meant to be together, inseparable since you brought him home, and now he knows…how happy he's made you."

"You're determined to make me cry, aren't you?"

"Happy tears Kathleen," her mother said, "they're good for the soul."

"Mom," Kathleen hugged her once more, "I love you. You are the best mom anyone could ever have. I hope one day…my kids feel for me even half of what I feel for you."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn embraced her. "They already do. I love you Kathleen, and Dad, he adored you," she said, and both women gave in to tears that nurtured their souls.


	186. Chapter 186

_A/N 30AUG09 Thanks to each of you for reading, and for your comments heartfelt appreciation, they are so very inspiring. Hence, trying to get you the next chapter, which predictably…their visit has turned to four chapters, though I hope you will enjoy the way it's worked out…as usually, I know some scenes that must happen (Carolyn, Kathleen & Meredith's conversation) I just don't know how much the characters will want to talk, and as it turns out…some of it surprised me, but I had fun with it…let's see where it leads. Enjoy the week ahead, Jasmin._

**Ch 179 – Extended family bonding**

"Meredith," Kathleen said while they enjoyed lunch at one of her and Derek's favorite restaurants in Pioneer Square, "you're going to love the bed and breakfast …"

"It's perfect for a secluded romantic getaway," Carolyn said, "and we booked the room you wanted, they have my credit card to hold the reservation."

"But," Meredith said, "why didn't you use mine?"

"I couldn't resist," Carolyn laughed, "and you should have seen the owner's face, a lovely lady by the way, after she showed us the rooms, which Kathleen and I went on about the romantic ambiance, we asked to make a reservation for the date you wanted, and she naturally assumed it was for Kathleen and Kevin… and dear you must have the chocolate cake while you're there. Kevin did while he waited for us, and recommended we have it and it was amazing. So, she asked Kathleen if she they had any special requests, and I interrupted her and said, oh it's not for them and took out my credit card, which of course she assumed was for me, and Meredith," she laughed good heartedly, "the look on her face…was priceless. Of course, once I'd had a good laugh, I said, oh, it's not for me but my son and his wife, and told her she needed to practice deadpan expressions, as I was certain she saw a lot worse than an almost seventy year old woman booking a romantic weekend at her bed and breakfast."

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, "you do realize you're not going to be able to visit Seattle more than a few days at a time…ever again."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, trying not to laugh, "of course she can…Carolyn…you can visit any time."

"And why exactly are you are restricting my visits here?" Carolyn asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Go ahead Meredith, you can laugh," Kathleen laughed again. "Mom, that ramble was Meredith and Lexie worthy…combined…"

"Let's not forget you, Kathleen, you've been rambling away all morning long," her mother said, and both her daughters' laughter filled the air.

"Kat," Meredith told her, their relationship so solid now, she was comfortable in saying just about anything to her sister in law, "that was very rude, your Mom is welcome here anytime," and laughed again, "but Carolyn, she's right, by the end of the week, Lexie and I will no longer be labeled ramblers, and will pass on the torch."

"Count your blessings Meredith," his mother smiled, "instead of ramblers, it could be Jenna here, and her water faucet is taxing even on me, and that child is one of my favorites."

"One…" Meredith said incredulously, "you said…one of your favorites…and…Kat's here…and you talk about favorites, I thought mom's don't have favorites, I mean, except my mom…she didn't even have me as a favorite," and paused and looked at her mother and sister in law realizing what she'd said, "but…you really have favorites…"

"Of course I do," Carolyn said teasingly, "they alternate depending on how much they get on my nerves and right now, Jenna's at the top of the list."

"Mom," Kathleen told her, "I don't think Mer realizes you're kidding, she's not really familiar with your sense of humor."

"Of course she does, don't you dear?"

"Well…I'm …I guess…I'm just not sure… how …what Mom's really feel."

"Oh…sweetheart," Carolyn who was sitting next to Meredith reached to place her hand over hers, "Mom's don't have favorites…you love them all the same…but, they do drive you crazy sometimes and there may be days you're not quite fond of them, but in your heart Meredith…you love them all exactly the same," she smiled at her, and squeezed her hand, "and some days, depending on how much your children need you, on what their going through, on top of the love they all share equally, you love them a little more on top of that, and incredibly…find that there's always that much more love to go around."

"Your children," Meredith said, and swallowed past the lump in her throat, "have the most wonderful mom in the world."

"They don't always think that way," Carolyn smiled at her, "but…they really do," she said and laughed, making Meredith smile, "and they don't mind sharing," she said and squeezed her hand once more.

"I'm glad," Meredith smiled, blinking the tears away, "because…that makes me think I can share some of that…having their wonderful Mom in my life now too."

"Don't you forget it," Carolyn said, and exchanged a smile with her daughter, "once you're one of my kids, there's no getting away, just ask Kevin."

"Do tell me that story," Meredith said, "how could Kat bring him home when he was three years old?"

"She was the older woman," Carolyn said, "very bossy and took control right away."

"The older woman," Meredith laughed, "you're putting me on…"

"She's right Mer," Kathleen told her, "one week older than him," and all three women laughed often as the story was told, one Meredith would remember fondly as she awaited the birth of a child.

"Now," Carolyn said more seriously and winked at Kathleen, "just as Mom's don't have favorites, mother in law's do…"

"I think I deserve to know who's on the blacklist," Meredith smiled, "so I know whose side to be on when we fly home," she giggled.

"Let's just say," Carolyn said, "the wicked witch was never a favorite…and always an in law; and back home…"

"Carolyn," Meredith interrupted her and said with deep emotion, "you have no idea…how very much it means to me that you are in my life."

"I think I might have an idea, because…I feel the very same way…but most of all, Meredith…I know I have gained a daughter, there is no doubt in my mind about that."

"Thank you," Meredith said and surprising them both, leaned over to kiss her cheek.

They'd left Meredith's house around nine thirty and began their day of sightseeing. Kathleen had played tourist not long ago, but Carolyn had never been to Seattle, so they started with a visit to Pike Market Place, and after lunch spent the rest of the afternoon in Pioneer Square, strolling the area known for its many cobblestone streets and Victorian architecture, while Meredith played tour guide and without need to embellish, shared the area's colorful history as mother and daughter purchased gifts for the family back east.

Meredith's shift started at five that evening, and since Kathleen had Derek's car they'd dropped her off at the hospital agreeing to meet at her house the following morning.

"Ready for family bonding time?" Cristina asked attempting to be sarcastic but not pulling it off completely, as she finished updating charts.

Meredith smiled. "I know you Cristina Yang, and you like her, you like all of them."

"So I like her," Cristina said. "Unlike my mother, it's ok to spend time with her."

"Your shift's about over isn't it?" Meredith asked her.

"Another hour and then meeting up at Joe's with Barbie, Bambi, Evil Spawn and Xena."

"You could really make the effort and use their names," Meredith told Cristina.

"Hey, I'm not calling Lexie three anymore," she countered.

"That's a concession, I guess," Meredith agreed, and they spoke for a few minutes, and finalized plans for the following day's trip to the spa.

Meredith's shift had started off relatively calm the first two hours, and then all hell broke lose when a five car pile had her in surgery past midnight, when finally she was able to take a break and went to find an empty on call room to rest for at least an hour. She lay on the bed and smiled as she heard his last message. "Mer, I've tried calling you a couple of times but got your voice mail, so I called and found out you've been in surgery for hours. I love you Mer, call me when you get out."

Then she heard his first message, "Hey, I had to walk away from the camp a bit, these guys are calling me a wimp and whipped," she heard his chuckle, "and that calling you breaks all the rules of rugged camping. I'll call you back. I love you."

She wanted to call him, but they'd been up since early that day, and since she didn't know the sleeping arrangements didn't want to risk waking Mark and Kevin as well.

-just out of surgery, talk tomorrow, love you

Two minutes later her phone rang.

"Hey," she heard his voice and smiled.

"Hey, I thought you'd be sleeping, didn't want to wake you," she said, "well, I didn't mind waking you, just didn't want to risk waking the others."

"I was asleep, but it doesn't matter. I'm glad you called. I miss sleeping with you Mer."

"So," she teased, "I haven't been replaced by all the male bonding in the wilderness."

"You're irreplaceable," he said in a low throaty voice.

"So are you," she said.

"Mer," he chuckled softly, "thanks for the lures."

"Did they work?"

"Oh they worked all right, your lures always work…" he teased her.

"I thought you'd appreciate that they glow in the dark, they're supposed to be great to make the catch."

"Meredith," he said, "are you happy with your catch," he asked, turning the conversation to the personal connotation.

"Derek," she said softy, "are you alone?"

"Yes, we each have our sleeping bags and tents," he said, "you can call me anytime."

"Derek…" she said in a low sexy voice, "do you know what I'd like to be doing right now?"

"Uhmmm…" He said, in that way that always made her become putty in his hands, "exactly what I'd like to be doing right now too…but, maybe I'm wrong," he teased, and they proceeded to tell each other, in detail, exactly what the other had in mind.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You can never tease Kathleen and Kevin about phone sex again," she giggled.

"Mer," he chuckled, "it's not the first time we've done this."

"Yeah…but, never while you were camping and I was in an on call room," she laughed, "and I bet she and Kevin haven't…"

"I don't really want to talk about my sister and sex," he told her.

"Derek, you are really going to have to get over that," she laughed, "even your mother talks about our sex life, and hers."

"What?" he said a little too loudly. "You're joking right?"

"Nope," she said, and smiled as she remembered the conversation during the early part of the morning, when over coffee at Pike Market.

His mother had laughed and said, "Meredith, dear," and smiled mischievously, and then her words made Meredith choke on her coffee while Kathleen laugh, "do you really keep condoms in the cookie jar? What if your friends walk in?"

"Mer," Derek said, "you're putting me on."

"I'm not," she laughed softly, the melodious sound he loved to hear.

"That is not the image I want in my head right now, my mother talking to you about our sex life."

"Derek," Meredith whispered quietly, even though there was no one to hear her, "since you're there…and I'm here…and we can't do much more about it, right now…" she emphasized, and he heard the intended teasing in her voice.

"Mer…" he said, and continued to whisper seductively.

"Dr. Shepherd," she giggled, "you better be making promises you can keep."

"You giggle," he said, trying to sound offended. "I'm trying to seduce my wife, and you giggle," he said had her laughing.

"You've already succeeded," she whispered back and continued to speak quietly to him for a few minutes more minutes.

"Meredith, when I get back…"

"Uhmm…"

"Get rid of Mom…" he said, "quickly," and they both laughed quietly into the phone.

"I love you Derek."

"I love you Meredith, good night."

"Stay away from the bears," she said.

"You too," he chuckled.

"Derek…" she said, making the word a caress.

"Meredith…" he replied exactly the same way.

"You're the only beast in my life…"

"Don't ever forget it," he teased, "your old insatiable beast."

"Good night Derek."

"Good night," he said as both reluctantly disconnected, while both succumbed to sleep with a smile on their faces, hearts joyful for their soul mate and both feeling lusty and horny as hell.

"Meredith," Izzie yelled standing at the bottom of the stairs. "Hurry up. I only have a few hours to spend at the spa."

"Stop yelling," Meredith grumbled as she descended the stairs, "I've only had three hours of sleep, I can't function as fast without sleep and we still have to wait for everyone else to get here."

"We're already here," Cristina said. "Mama Shep, Kathleen and I have been here for a while. Go have breakfast, because she won't leave till you do."

"I didn't know you were here," Meredith glared at Izzie, "why didn't you tell me, you're always walking in my room unannounced …and today, when you should wake me and Derek's mom is here…you yell up the stairs…"

"Good morning Meredith," Carolyn said as she came out of the kitchen, and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "Don't pay attention to these girls, you haven't had any sleep, and I didn't want them rushing you."

"Izzie must have missed that message," Meredith said, "since she's been yelling…"

"Ah," Carolyn smiled, and walked behind her, "not a morning person."

"Sorry," Meredith turned and smiled at her, "I'm not."

"Neither was I," Carolyn said, "until I had kids, your husband in particular."

"Oh no," Meredith said and went to sit next to Kathleen, "I'm doomed. I'm going to become an early riser just like your two favorite children," she teased, "morning Kat."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you have favorites," and smirked, "you've just ruined my opinion of the perfect mother."

Carolyn looked at her, "Cristina, I'm going to enjoy watching you become the mushiest sentimental mother …"

"Is that your Irish curse," Cristina quipped back.

"That," Carolyn said, and very briefly hugged the hard core surgeon, "is an Irish blessing."

"Ok," Lexie said as she walked in the kitchen, "we're all packed, except Mer."

"Great," Cristina said, "we can get going and Mer can go with Izzie. I'll go with Kathleen and Mama Shep."

"You're going with Izzie," Meredith said, "and Lexie, since we need two cars."

"You're going to fall asleep anyway, so you can go with Izzie and the constant chirping happy chatter won't bother you."

"Cristina," Izzie said, "you're riding with me, and you're stuck with me, suck it up. Mer's going with Derek's family."

"Suck it up Cris," Meredith agreed, "and be nice damn it."

"I am being nice," Cristina said, "I was trying to give you sleeping time, and let Lexie and Izzie continue bonding."

"Bitch," Izzie said. "Mrs. Shepherd…don't mind us, this is normal."

"I've noticed dear," Carolyn said as she finished cooking the omelette she was making for Meredith, "and I had four girls and their friends at home, so I know everyone shows affection in their own way."

"Affection," Cristina mouthed to Meredith.

"Yes," Izzie said, "I saw that, and you're not so hard core."

"Fine," Cristina said, "let's go, and we can let the Shepherd clan continue to bond."

"That's the Cristina we all love," Carolyn said, as Meredith and Kathleen exchanged smiles, "but, just so we understand each other, there'll be extended family bonding time as well," she warned as she placed a plate in front of Meredith, "eat and don't argue."

"See," Kathleen said, "where we get the bossiness."

"No wonder Derek doesn't mind," Meredith smiled at her sister in law and they both actually giggled.

"Ok…wait," Cristina said, "we're getting family bonding, ramblers, chirpy chatterers, nosy meddlers and now old gigglers… Mama Shep, can I share a room with you?"

"Didn't I tell you Meredith," Carolyn Shepherd smiled, "she's just a softie."

"Never mind," Cristina hid her smile. "Lexie, you have the bananas?"

"Yes," Lexie said, "you have everything else?"

"What in the world are you two talking about?" Meredith said as she was finishing her breakfast.

"Mer," Cristina said, "surely you don't think your sister and I are going to stay up all night talking."

"What does that have to do with bananas…or do I even want to know…"

"She's teaching me to perfect my stitches, has been for a while," Lexie smiled.

"You've been teaching her…you're teaching…three…" Meredith said, and her eyes watered briefly.

"Mer," Cristina said, "it hasn't been three in a long while. It's Lexie or Grey," she repeated what Lexie had told her months before, "or Xena, that's appropriate too."

Within minutes everyone was ready, and Meredith rushed upstairs to get her overnight bag and the six women walked to their cars, and before Cristina got in with Lexie and Izzzie, Meredith reached her side and smiled, "thank you."

"You're welcome," Cristina said, and not one more word needed to be exchanged, as the two women, once strangers who'd become each other's lifeline, each other's person, clearly understood the significance of Cristina accepting her sister.

Expectedly, Meredith fell asleep on the forty five minute drive to Salish Lodge & Spa, undisturbed by the quiet conversation between mother and daughter.

"Meredith," Carolyn said gently placing her hand on her shoulder, "we're here," and had to make a couple of attempts before she became fully alert.

"I fell asleep," Meredith said, "I seem to do that a lot when I'm not driving."

"Thank God," Carolyn teased her, "we can't have you falling asleep at the wheel. You must be exhausted after the overnight shift, and believe me, I've been through this five times with my kids. I get the perennial tiredness of residency."

Immediately following, the rest of the group arrived and went to the front desk, "we're staying tonight, but know the rooms aren't ready till later, but can we leave our bags with you?" Meredith asked, "I made the reservations, they're under Grey and…"

"Oh, yes, Dr. Grey," the young lady at the desk said, "we've been expecting you. Your husband called last week and your rooms will be ready in about fifteen minutes."

"There must be a mistake, when I called I was told check in would be at four, but we would spend the day at the spa."

"It's all taken care of Dr. Grey. Do you have your bags here? This is for you," she added, "you're supposed to read it and let me know which room you want, and we'll be ready within fifteen minutes. Meredith got an envelope that contained three smaller notes, the other two addressed to his mother and sister, and she smiled as she recognized Derek's handwriting.

_Meredith, don't argue with the arrangements. I upgraded your room and Mom's to a suite, they'll have two beds in there. You'll need the extra sitting room for all of you to chatter part of the night away, at least, I think you will…Cristina is the only quiet one, but Mom seems to make her talk too. You all have early check in, don't ask questions, put away __your__ credit card, accept it's from me to you. Izzie's day at the spa's taken care of too, whatever she wants, it's the least we could do (and yes, it's our money now) since she didn't get to enjoy a trip to Venice. I didn't mess with Kat's arrangements for Lexie and Cristina, I know she wanted to do that, and hell, they can afford it too! Don't scowl and don't roll your eyes._

_Mer, I made sure you didn't have to get the same suite we had, but there's only two suites on the floor where all three rooms could be together, so one of you will have to stay in our old room. But, I told them to ask you first, which room you want. I know it's not easy for you going back there right now, but I love that you wanted to spend time with Mom & Kathleen. We'll be back, just the two of us…three of us…one day,_ she read and brought her index finger to the corner of her eye, keeping the tear from falling._ Have fun and know I'm counting the minutes till I can show you what you mean to me. I love you Meredith, you are what makes my life complete, Derek. _

She folded the note and put it away in the envelope, this time, openly wiping the tears away.

"Meredith, are you ok?" Lexie was the first to speak.

"I'm perfect," she smiled and turned to Carolyn, "and your son is an idiot."

"My son is an idiot that makes you cry and feel perfect?" his mother said with a hint of amusement in her voice.

"Yes," Meredith smiled.

"She's been Mcdreamied…" Cristina said, "first it's the elevators…now the spa…"

"Mcdreamied?" Carolyn questioned.

"I'll explain later," Cristina said, as Meredith got up and went to the front desk.

"My husband was here yesterday," she said, "did you see him?"

"Yes," the young woman smiled, "he said it was important you read that first."

"I imagine he told you I'd want the same room as last time," Meredith said.

"Yes, he did, but he wanted to make sure we asked you first, is that what you want?"

"Yes," Meredith said, "if it's possible."

"There's already two beds in there, he was pretty sure that would be your choice, so we're ready to escort you to your rooms."

The suites were adjoining rooms, with Lexie and Cristina's right across from them. Once they'd settled in, all of them changed into the Spa's signature robes and slippers and headed to their first appointments where they spent the next several hours enjoying the luxurious pampering, before coming together for lunch in the Falls Terrace Patio.

"Meredith," Izzie said, "thanks for today, the spa is as wonderful as all that's been written up about it. I'll tell Derek when I see him, but thank him for me please because this has been really generous of you."

"We wanted to do it," Meredith said, "we'd have loved for you to be with us in Venice, but at least we could do this, well, he could do this, because he insists on paying for everything, even though he tells me it's our money," she smiled, "you know how much money we make."

"It means a lot Mer, you put up with all of us, and invite me here to boot," Izzie replied.

"I only wish you could have stayed tonight as well," Meredith smiled at her.

"This is great Mer. More than enough and there was no way I could get anyone to cover for me," Izzie said, genuinely grateful.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "he's right, and I know you argued about paying for this yourself, for Mom and I to come here, and then he upgraded everything, but we know it was your idea and that you got the certificates when you were here, so thank you."

"It is lovely dear," Carolyn said, "and I am enjoying tremendously, though good old Catholic guilt kicks in every once in a while, at the expense of it all, but…I'm ignoring it for the time we're here."

"Kathleen," Lexie said, "thank you too…this has been phenomenal, I never expected I could enjoy something like this…not for a long while…well, after I got a practice going and all, so thanks for including me."

"You're family Lexie," Kathleen said, "you all are."

"Thank you," Cristina said, "it means a lot to be here with all of you," and then to lighten that emotions she felt, "rambling chatty family that you are."

"You'll get used to it dear, just wait till you meet the rest of the family," Carolyn said, certain Cristina Yang would become part of her extended family.

Later that afternoon, Izzie, Lexie and Cristina coincided in one of two therapeutic pools.

"Were your therapists very talkative," Izzie asked barely above a whisper, respecting the required silence for guests.

"No," Cristina said, "and didn't you read we're not supposed to talk."

"I'm whispering and it's just us here now."

"I'd like some silence."

"I was just wondering, because both ladies that did my massages were talking to me about…"

"Mine didn't talk, if they had," Cristina said, "I'd have told them to be quiet."

"Listen," Izzie said, "they both told me about the importance of sun protection and that it was important to check any changes in the skin, and told me I had a mole that should be looked at. Weird…huh…"

"You know it's true," Lexie said, "sun protection is very important, as is early detection of any irregularities."

"She told you that," Cristina was more serious, "about a mole, so you should look at it."

"Yeah," Izzie said, but regrettably would forget about the conversation in the months ahead with significant and life threatening consequences.

The women gathered again for late afternoon snacks at the Attic Lounge, enjoying a spectacular view of the falls, and continued their light friendly banter before it was time for Izzie to head back to Seattle for the start of her seven o'clock shift that evening.

"You know what would be lovely," Carolyn said, "is a walk, it's a beautiful setting."

"It is," Meredith said, "I'll come with you."

Cristina looked at her and mouthed, "family bonding."

"I'm going to muzzle you yet, Cristina," Carolyn said.

"How many pairs of eyes do you have?"

"Enough," Carolyn laughed, "and it's not family bonding. It's motherly bonding. Get it right. You're welcome to join us. I'm going to put on a pair of sneakers," she said and winked at Meredith who rose from the table to do the same thing.

"I'm going to talk to the kids," Kathleen said, "it's just about the time we talk every day, so I'll join you later."

"Lex," Meredith said, "are you joining us?"

"Ah…no...it's…you and…Carolyn…"

"Lexie," Meredith said, "you're my sister…stop being difficult, and we're sharing a room, there's plenty of time for us to talk…alone…if we want to. Get your sneakers on," she told her, and they were soon on their way to explore the surrounding display of nature.

"Mer," Cristina said as they walked along, "remember when she Shep got poison oak?"

"Who's she Shep," Carolyn asked, "wait, don't tell me, it's Addison."

"Yep," Cristina said. "Justly so, she got poison oak taking away her Mceverything…"

"Cristina," Meredith admonished, "not now."

"She knows everything Mer, You seriously think she's going to care now?"

"What's with the Mc's Cristina?" Carolyn asked.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "one day Mer doesn't want to get up, she has this feeling…hell, she turned out to be right, she should have stayed in bed. But I had to rush over there and force her ass out of bed."

"Cristina," Meredith said, "language…please…"

"Don't worry dear," Carolyn said, "I've heard worse."

"See Mer," Cristina said and paused to quip, "Mama Burke…Mama Shep…big difference…you're one lucky bitch."

Meredith rolled her eyes, "I give up."

"Leave her to me Meredith," Carolyn said. "So you had to kick her ass out of bed and Addison got poison oak?" Carolyn asked just as Kathleen joined them.

"Oh no, that's another time, but it's related."

"Addison got poison oak," Kathleen asked incredulously, "when did she ever get close enough to the outdoors for that to happen? Other than the trailer obviously, but I'd have bet money she wasn't walking around the woods," she said, and had Meredith and Cristina roar with laughter and then told the full story.

"I agree with Cristina," Carolyn said. "She gave up her right to your Mclife when she cheated on Derek. But you did give her the dog, so she didn't quite take that, and agree she deserved the poison oak."

Meredith was speechless, as were the others as they witnessed the next several seconds and then a smile graced Meredith's face and without any hesitation she hugged Carolyn Shepherd, and said very quietly, though the others could not help but hear. Oh…Carolyn, I'm so lucky…with you …you being in my life…I do love you."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn said, both moved by each other's intense emotions, "I feel the same way…exactly the same way. I love you Meredith," and linked her arms through hers as they continued their walk and then each went back to their rooms to relax.

Carolyn decided to nap, conceding all the massages and therapeutic treatment had tired her out, which all agreed was true.

"Mer," Kathleen said, "thanks again for thinking of this," and linked her arms through her sister in law's as they walked back to the hotel room, "how are you?"

"Grateful," she said softly. "To have you in my life and that you care enough to ask."

"I've been there, remember."

"I know," she said, and they exchanged a saddened melancholy smile. "Are you tired?"

"No, do you want to talk?" Kathleen asked.

"Yes," Meredith replied softly, and the two women sat on the couch and talked, time getting away from them, and soon it had been more than an hour they'd been sharing moments of their lives. "Kathleen, is it normal…that I still feel sad…it's not all the time, but every once in a while, something happens…reminds me, I mean most of the time it's normal. I see Lisette everyday, you remember her?" Kathleen nodded, "and how her pregnancy is advancing and it's ok, but then some days I wonder what it would have been like…and I've talked to Dr. Wyatt about it, I have…and Derek's been wonderful and you saw the bracelet, he remembered her…when we were in Venice he thought of our little girl…"

"I did see the bracelet, when he texted the photo so we'd stop harassing you that day…and you were wearing it when we got here, but didn't really see the charms…you told me about it, but I'd like to see it."

"I'll get it," Meredith smiled, "I don't often get to wear it…but it felt right wearing it while I'm here…I was going to wear it at dinner…do you think your Mom will wake up?"

"Nothing wakes her, except the kids during the night; it's rather amazing how she does that, instinctively she's up if any of the kids are, but who knows maybe your snoring tonight," Kathleen teased her, "will keep her up too."

"She wears earplugs at night," Meredith laughed, "that won't be a problem," and walked through the open door of their rooms and got the bracelet.

Meredith returned and placed the gold bracelet in Kathleen's hand. "Derek's been wonderful Kathleen, even when I've been horrible."

"What do you mean?" Kathleen asked, paying attention to her sister in law, rather than examining the piece of jewelry, as she wanted to do.

"The day…one month to the day of my miscarriage," she started to speak, "I was so awful Kathleen…the things I said to him. I called your Mom."

"You did?" Kathleen asked. "That was…wasn't Mom still in Italy?"

"She was," she said and told her the same story she'd told Carolyn Shepherd, "and he'd already thought about this. Kat, he'd thought of our baby…when we were in Venice," she said, and a few tears rolled down her cheek.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "you know…I understand, but it's also very different for Derek than it is for you, and he wanted to protect you…take care of you by not wanting you to take care of that baby…"

"I know," Meredith said, "and we talked about it…all of it…and we get better…and better at communicating, and then… Kathleen on our anniversary, as you know, he got me the bracelet."

Both women were so absorbed with their conversation they did not notice Carolyn was up and around and getting ready for dinner.

"It's beautiful," Meredith, she said as she smiled looking at each of the charms, and then she lovingly looked at the last one, the silhouette of a baby angel, "oh Meredith," she said softly, "this…it's …" both women had tears in their eyes, "Brianna…and the dates," she said, and reached out and hugged Meredith.

That's how Carolyn found them, rendered silent by her daughter's next words, the revelation of a decades old secret, after she heard Meredith say, "it's the day she was conceived…and then…"

"I know," Kathleen said, "I know…you always wonder…but you had such a beautiful and spiritual gift Meredith...and Derek with this…he honored her memory forever…I'm glad you had that dream…because you always wonder…and so often I think…I would have liked to know too…"

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "it helped…to have you with us…after that night…and you sharing what happened…it gave me hope…for our next baby…"

"Honey," Kathleen said, comfortable they could discuss any subject, "did Dr. Cameron tell you it's not unusual for another pregnancy to follow after a miscarriage…are you and Derek…"

"We're being very careful," Meredith smiled, "we're going to wait…a while… I can't believe we're talking about this…he'd hate it, not that we're waiting, but that I'm telling you we're being very careful…condoms…and birth control."

"He'll get over it, sisters talk about these things," Kathleen told her, "and I know…first hand…what's is like to be pregnant right after a miscarriage…"

"Kathleen," both women were startled when they heard Carolyn's soft quiet voice, and turned to see her standing in the doorway, wiping away at the tears on her face.

"Mom," Kathleen said, meeting her gaze, and then averting it, part of her feeling the shame of twenty years before.

"Kathleen," her mother came to sit next to her, and Meredith immediately began to rise.

"No," Kathleen reached for her hand. "Stay…you already know."

"Kathleen," Carolyn said, and reached out to her daughter and hugged her, and cried with her, "my baby…my baby girl…you …you went through that alone…"

"I'm sorry…Mom…I'm sorry…I didn't want you to find out like this."

"I could have been there…I could have been with you…Kathleen…honey…why did you go through something like this alone…"

"Kevin was with me…" she said. "We didn't want to disappoint you anymore."

"Disappoint me…you've never disappointed me…ever…"

"We were living together, and we knew you wouldn't approve…much less being pregnant, and I let you down…and dad…"

"Sweetheart, I would have understood…but that you felt I wouldn't, I'm sorry, baby… I should have been there for you…I'm so sorry…"

"Oh Mom…don't be sorry…you've always been there…" she said, as her mother held her, and she cried twenty year old tears that helped to heal the pain of keeping her secret for so long. Finally, she thought, she didn't have to hide the first baby she'd loved.

"Meredith," Carolyn turned to her, concerned she'd just relived her own recent loss. "Sweetheart, are you ok?"

"I am," she replied, "are you?"

"I will be," she said, and turned to caress Kathleen's cheek, "as long you both are."

They heard a soft knock on the door and Meredith went to answer, it was Cristina and Lexie. "We're ready for dinner, whenever you are," Cristina said and immediately noticed Meredith had been crying, "Mer…are you ok?"

"Yes…but…give us a little bit…can you wait?"

"Of course…but you're ok?" Lexie asked.

"Yes…" Meredith assured her, "just a little sentimental talk…"

"Ok…" Cristina said. "Knock on our door when you're ready."

"Girls," Carolyn said, after regaining some composure, "you are determined to kill me with emotions today," she said and turned to Meredith, and reached for her hand, "first you…and now…this…"

"Mom," Kathleen said, referring to Meredith saying I love you, "Meredith, what she said, that was a good emotion…"

"Yes…but, at my age emotions don't know the difference," she said, and had Kathleen laughing. "Will you tell me what happened…please."

"Mom…it was so long ago," Kathleen said, and smiled softly at her.

"You never forget…" Carolyn stopped her, "you never forget…the loss of a child."

"Mom…" Kathleen questioned, "did you…"

"Your aunt did, and I was with her…and she still remembers. When did it happen? I heard Meredith say how it had given her hope…and I'm sorry, I wasn't eavesdropping, I came to talk to you girls and I heard you…and at first, I couldn't say anything…"

"It's ok…Mom…I'm glad you know, after all these years, I'm glad you know," she said, and Carolyn Shepherd sat between the two women she considered her daughters, and truly understood the strength of the bond that had been formed between Meredith and Kathleen, and she listened to Kathleen's story and more tears were shed, but in the end, the bond between the three women was such that from that moment, Meredith truly accepted that her long forgotten childhood prayers had indeed been answered.

"Carolyn," Meredith said, "Kathleen…there's something I wanted to talk to you about…and maybe now is a good time…I told Derek I would…he wanted to…but I said I would."

"Please tell me nothing's wrong," Carolyn said, "Meredith…you two are ok…you're not keeping anything from me?"

"No," she assured her, "and why do you always think that there's something wrong?"

"It's part of being a mother," she told her. "We worry…we take worrying and perfect it."

"We…Derek and I…we're going to come visit this summer, just like we said, but when Jenna called…"

"I knew it…what did she say," Carolyn interrupted, "I saw the look on your face…your eyes…the sadness, just like now, Meredith what's wrong?"

"Jenna," Meredith cleared her throat, "she wanted us to try to coordinate our visit so I'm there for her baby shower…and…I…" tears welled, "I told Derek…I can't… not this time…I mean…later for the baptism it will be easier, everyone will be more distracted, and I'll know more people…not just having met everyone, and the baby will be there and it will be hard…but…now…not for the baby shower…not for that…I'm sorry…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn hugged her, "of course not…Kathleen and I would never put you through that…no…don't worry…we'll take care of it…we will," she said and looked at her daughter and was thankful her first grandchild had followed so quickly after her miscarriage, because at least she knew, she'd never had to experience a moment like Meredith feared right now.

"Mer," Kathleen said to her, "Mom's right, we'll take care of it, we'd never let you go through that, if we'd found out we'd have made sure it didn't happen."

"Derek wanted to talk to her, to tell Jenna, but…I don't want him to…or you…I told him I did not want anything to take away from the happiness of her looking forward to a healthy beautiful baby."

"We won't say anything," Kathleen said, "we'll just make sure you can't be there whatever weekend we choose. Leave that to us."

"Thank you," Meredith said, and they heard an audible sigh of relief.

"You're welcome," Kathleen said and hugged her.

Carolyn Shepherd had became lost in her thoughts, and then she said, "Kathleen…your support group…it's…because of what happened…isn't it?"

"Yes," Kathleen said softly. "Only Kevin knew, and then…when I was out here, Meredith and Derek."

"I'm proud of you…so proud of you…" Carolyn said and hugged her daughter. "I love you Kathleen…and I'm sorry…I wasn't there for you."

"But you were Mom. You've always been there, and that time, it's ok…you know now."

Lexie and Cristina were beginning to get worried, as it had been almost an hour since they'd knocked on Meredith's door. "Lexie," Cristina said, uncharacteristically voicing her concern, "I don't want to intrude, but do you think everything is ok?"

"I hope so Cristina. Meredith had been crying, but she wasn't upset, just…maybe a little sad, that's what I noticed."

"Me too," Cristina said.

"Oh my God," it dawned on Lexie, "Cristina, they were here, this is where Derek brought Meredith after she had the miscarriage."

"Shit, you're right. Do we say anything?"

"I don't know," Lexie said, "let's just wait…" and then they heard a knock on the door, and the three women at their door were ready for dinner.

Kathleen and Carolyn walked ahead. "Mer," Cristina could not keep quiet, she knew her friend, "are you ok? We were worried about you."

"I am, really," she smiled, "thank you…both of you for caring."

"You were here," Lexie said, "with Derek…"

"Yeah…I was…" she acknowledged, "I'm ok…really."

Their evening turned light as the five women immediately regained the friendly familiar and familial banter that had become part of their lives thousands of miles away, while witnessing the magical romantic wedding of two people whose love was destined to become a treasured family legend.

They retired to Meredith's suite and found two bottles of champagne in their respective ice buckets. "Figured you'd need two…enjoy, Mark."

"All right," Carolyn said, after they'd made the corresponding first toasts, and had started on the second bottle, "Cristina, tell me about what it means to be Mcdreamied," and Meredith choked on the sip on the champagne.

"It has to do with your son and Meredith…"

"Cristina," Meredith warned.

"Don't shut her up Meredith," Carolyn said, "I want to hear this."

"I'm not so sure I want you to hear it."

"It can't be any worse…"

"It kind of can," Cristina said, "cause the first time I told her that…he kind of dropped her like a hot potato," she laughed, "that's sort of funny, a hot potato for a rose."

"Some kind of friend you are," Meredith argued, "Cristina… I swear…"

"I already know about that," Carolyn said, "I just haven't boxed his ears properly," and they all laughed, as Cristina indeed told her about Meredith's aborted weekend in wine country. "But, all kidding aside, what it really means is your son…has the ability to make her forget everything and she gets this annoyingly love stricken look on her face…that eventually leads to a lot of sex."

Just as she finished that statement, Meredith's phone vibrated and she smiled. "Hello," she answered, beaming.

"Hey," he said, "you're not alone are you?"

"Not tonight…but…" she smiled thinking about his homecoming.

"Meredith," Kathleen reached to take the phone from her, "I cannot believe this...Derek Christopher, and you have the nerve to make fun of me when I talk about phone sex with my husband," she said, they'd had drinks with dinner, and now champagne. "You cannot do that tonight, you brainless moron, and where is my husband, that he's not calling me?" she demanded to know, "if you can call your wife, he should be calling me…"

"Kat," Derek said, "they don't know I'm calling her…"

"Well you're not going to talk to her now either," she said, and got ready to disconnect the phone when Meredith grabbed it back from her and laughed.

"I love you Derek, sweet dreams," and heard his chuckle..

"I love you Meredith, and remember, we need to get rid of Mom tomorrow."

"We will…" she smiled, as the call was disconnected.

"Mcdreamied," Cristina said, "you just witnessed it live."

"Well," Carolyn said, "let's drink to tonight and many more years of that."

"Mom," Meredith said, "I think you're drunk."

Carolyn and Kathleen smiled, "I think I am and I feel really great right now."

"Wait till the morning," Lexie said, "because…there's another bottle in our room, Mark left it for Cristina and me with a note."

Kathleen, Meredith, Carolyn and Cristina exchanged smiles, "Mama Shep, care to bet?"

"Bet on what?" Lexie asked.

"Champagne hangovers," Carolyn said.

"What about them?" Lexie smiled.

"Oh," Carolyn said, not drunk at all, "how long they're remembered…" she misled.

"Overnight," Lexie said, "I'd be very likely to forget them."

"I think we might remember it just a little longer than that," Carolyn said, her intent clear to the other three, "let's see it's now…June…I'd say…we could still be talking about it, say by February…"

"May," Meredith laughed.

"January," Cristina said, "Mama Shep, by January," and she laughed.

"Kathleen," Carolyn asked.

"It all depends on the kind of recollection," Kathleen said, "November…and June…"

"You can't pick two dates…" Lexie laughed, "even if I have no idea if I'll remember tomorrow at all."

"Oh," Meredith said, "you will, don't worry…we'll remind you."

None of them were truly drunk, least of all Lexie, "I'd bet you're all wrong…"

"Would you now," Cristina said.

"Cristina, I can't believe you're going along with the bet," and shocked the hell out of all of them, "it would never work."

"What wouldn't?"

"You and Mark…" she said

"Me and Mark…" Cristina exclaimed.

"Yes, they're thinking since he sent the bottle of champagne to us, it's just his way of buttering you up, but he's with Tracy and he really likes her, and you and Mark would never work."

"Really, why do you say that?" Cristina's interest piqued.

"He's a man whore…surely…you wouldn't put up with that," Lexie said.

"You may be on to something…but, maybe I'll take on a challenge."

"Oh, I'd bet on that…" Lexie said, "won't ever happen."

"Grey," Cristina said, "you're on," and winked at Carolyn, "January it is."

They talked for about another hour, all of them in one way or another stories involving Carolyn Shepherd's children and their adopted friends and before the girls called it a night and went to their room, the promise that in the very near future both Lexie and Cristina would visit Carolyn back east.

When the three of them were alone again, Carolyn, who had been sitting on a comfortable chair, got up and sat on the couch and with Meredith and Kathleen on either side of her, reached for their hands, the two women joined by a common thread, Carolyn Shepherd.

"Meredith," she spoke, "Kathleen you two have made this a very special, sentimental and emotional day and I want you both to know how very proud I am of you, how you've handled a very sad and painful situation with such strength…truly alone…when you should have had a mother's comfort to help you…just to hold you if you needed that…but…and I'm glad…so glad, God somehow brought you together…just when Meredith needed it most…and that it helped you too sweetheart, Kathleen…I'm so glad…after all these years it helped you to share your loss with her as well…and now," she fought the tears in her eyes, "I can share your sadness…and be there for you both, always…whenever you need me…and you need to promise me…you won't ever keep things from me," and without a single word exchanged, it was understood, the promise had been made.

"I love you Mom," Kathleen said hugging her mother, "so very very much."

"I have got to warn your sisters, Seattle makes for some very sentimental emotional travels, I guess Nancy was the exception," she joked, "but Meredith, mark my words, next time you meet…she'll be your staunchest supporter…she's that loyal."

"I'm not so sure about that," Meredith laughed, "but…as long as she doesn't hate me, I think I can live with that."

"She doesn't hate you," Carolyn assured her, "she loves her brother, and seeing that you've made him happy, that's all she wants for him."

"Carolyn," Meredith said, after a day filled with so many emotions, she needed to share what was in her heart, and that in itself was an amazing feeling. "I know…earlier…I called you Mom, and sometimes…it's so easy…but other times, I think of my Mom and that holds me back, but…you make me feel that it's ok…that I'm worthy of using that name…but I'm not quite ready."

"You are very worthy," Carolyn said, "and I will be honored…the day you feel you can. Whenever you're ready…I will be so very proud," she said, and Kathleen understood Meredith's vulnerability, the woman she begun to think of as a sister a few days after they met, even before she knew they would soon share a heartbreaking bond.

Carolyn had been right, her children did not mind sharing their Mom, and now she smiled at her, encouraging her to act on the mother's instincts longing to comfort, and Carolyn embraced Meredith, and the soft sigh touched Kathleen's heart, and once again in her husband's mother's arms, Meredith felt the loving embrace that spoke of a mother's unconditional love, and briefly the child in her wondered, Mommy…did you ever…ever love me like this?

"Thank you," Meredith whispered.

"Love needs no thanks Meredith…it's given freely…from the heart," Carolyn said.

Deep emotions guiding the voice of her heart, Meredith said, "Kathleen already knows this...she got to discover a little of the sentimental side I never knew I had…when she was here, but she knows…I'd given up…given up on the idea that prayers meant anything…my Mom, she didn't believe in anything," she paused, and continued, repeating some of what she'd said to Kathleen months before, "after my Dad left, when I was five…I would pray…pray for a family…I have a photo you know, of my Mom and Dad, and me…by my nightstand…I always just wanted a family…and my prayers were never answered, and after a while…I gave up…but now…I have prayed again, and Derek forgave me…and then…even though," she paused and wiped the tears away, "our little girl's gone…the dream…in some ways, gave me a little of my Mom back and I told Kathleen, I thought He'd really answered those childhood prayers…by having my friends and bringing Lexie and her to my life…but now," she paused again, and through her tears smiled at Carolyn, "now…I know He has…because He brought you to my life…after all this years…He's given me a Mom…a Mom…that wants to love me."

"A Mom," Carolyn said, "that does love you," and Meredith hugged her, and simply held her tight, and sent a silent prayer, remaining in her embrace.

"Carolyn," Meredith pulled back from her embrace and smiled at both women, "you better stop making me cry and get all mushy and sentimental."

"I better stop doing that," Carolyn laughed, "after you two have put me through the proverbial emotional wringer today."

"Well," Meredith smiled, "I don't want to get to the top of the list…like Jenna."

Laughter filled the room where months before so many wounds had began to heal, and now as only a mother's unconditional love can do, the sadness felt earlier for two children lost was replaced with nurturing and comfort. For Kathleen it healed the pain of secrets kept hidden, of finally sharing the love for her first child with her mother; for Meredith it offered hope that her future children would know the love of a grandmother, that one day…long before they were born, both their parents would call Mom.

_A/N 30AUG09 – The comment to Izzie felt needed to be included, as we know what happens, and if she'd had a massage as in this story, it's likely there would have been some signs of an altered mole/blemish. _


	187. Chapter 187

_A/N 6SEP09 – Well...suddenly I found it was lots of filler…but filler I enjoyed writing as it continued to strengthen bonds in all these relationships. "Family Celebrations," truly, the last chapter of the family visit is next. Thanks for reading, and for your comments heartfelt appreciation. Wish you safe & Happy Labor Day with family & friends._

_p.s. 8SEP - if you're reading...and some are...please leave a comment, it can be couple words, but it goes a long way for inspiration. _

_After I wrote that PS, was looking at the number of readers on the story this month, and I like statistics... and little facts that no one else would find interesting, but it floored me that there have been (hits) from 37 different countries, and I've been fortunate enough to visit 24 of them, the last the UAE and lived in two others besides the U.S. The internet, truly eliminated so many boundaries and brought global communication with such ease to our lives that it is amazing._

**Ch 180 – Secrets…old & new**

The vibration of the phone on the night stand woke her and she instinctively reached for it, while at the same time glancing at the soft grey display of the clock indicating it was 5:37 in the morning.

"Hey…" she heard, and before there was a chance to speak Derek continued, "know I'm waking you, but I miss you like hell…and we couldn't talk last night, so I thought…"

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn Shepherd said after removing the ear plug, "what in the world are you doing? Your wife is supposed to be enjoying some relaxing time and not woken before dawn."

"What are you doing," Derek said, feeling like a kid who got caught with his hand in the cookie jar, "answering her phone?"

"What any normal person does when there's an annoying, vibrating phone on the night stand," Carolyn quipped, "you answer it."

"Ma," he said with a chuckle, "I obviously wasn't calling to talk to you…"

"That's perfectly clear," Carolyn said, "but you didn't answer my question. Why are you calling your wife at this time? She's at a spa…and should be getting some rest since she's had horrible shifts all this week, just so she could get away for these two days with us, and you're supposed to be camping…enjoying all the fishing and wilderness to your heart's content."

"Ma," he said again, "I'm sorry I woke you, but Mer was supposed to pick up the phone."

"Well…you're stuck talking to me instead," she continued with the same quiet voice she'd been using during their conversation, as not to wake up Meredith. "But not for long, I'm going to sleep at least another two hours, we were up very late."

"You were…why?"

"Talking…just the girls…"

"Mom," he laughed, "it's only girls."

"The five of us," Carolyn said, "then just the three of us. By the way, Derek, thank you…this was lovely. I've already told Meredith how special it's been."

"Mom, why didn't you let Meredith pick up the phone?"

"She probably didn't hear it," she quipped, "her snores are louder than the phone," and heard Derek's laughter.

"I thought you wore earplugs to sleep?"

"Noises are one thing Derek, but phone vibrations, you can still sense even if you don't technically hear it," his mother said. "Now, get on with your day, and don't call back, we'll see you this evening," she said and smiled, in spite of the early wake up call. Her son was happy, and the woman lightly snoring on the bed adjacent to hers was responsible. Carolyn placed the phone back on the nightstand and went back to sleep.

Meredith stretched leisurely as she came awake, then subconsciously sought the warmth usually provided by Derek's body, and of course found it missing, and lay quietly for a few minutes.

"Good morning Meredith," her mother in law said softly, when Meredith turned on her side and opened her eyes. Carolyn was already dressed in a warm up suit, and resting against the headboard reading a book.

"Good morning," Meredith smiled, "you're up early."

"Not really," Carolyn said, "it's just after ten."

"It's what…" Meredith exclaimed. "I had a nine o'clock appointment."

"I had Kathleen go, and yours is now at eleven."

"I can't believe I slept so long," Meredith said, "and it's dark in here."

"You needed the rest dear. It's been a brutal week for you, so I just kept the drapes closed, but I was going to wake you in time for your appointment."

"It has been brutal, other than sleeping late on Sunday," she smiled as she thought of her morning with Derek.

"By the way, since you're already thinking of him," Carolyn said, but Meredith interrupted her.

"How do you know," she smiled, "I'm thinking of him?"

"What did Cristina say…Mcdreamied…" Carolyn grinned. "You have the same look on your face."

"I was thinking of him," Meredith admitted.

"Yes, I know dear…and he called earlier."

"Derek called? Why…what's wrong…?"

"Nothing's wrong Meredith."

"But," she said, and they both heard Kathleen walk in her suite since the connecting door had remained open the night before.

"Likely he wanted to pick up the conversation, wherever you left it …the night before, and he didn't have a chance when he called you last night."

"Oh…God…" Meredith said slumping back on the pillows.

"Meredith," his mother said and smiled mischievously, "we had phones thirty years ago too…not cell phones…but…"

Kathleen," Meredith called out, "help…your mother's talking about sex again," and she and Carolyn were laughing as Kathleen walked in the door.

The five women spent the day alternately enjoying the rest of the spa treatments they'd booked and spending time together, each in their own way grateful for the very poignant and unexpected moments shared.

"Mer," Cristina said while they enjoyed a relaxing therapeutic dip in one of the pools. "It was really generous of Kathleen to do this and I need to thank her, do you have any idea how…what to get her?"

"She's not expecting anything, she wanted to do this," Meredith told her.

"Still… I have to…I want to…"

"She's going to Fiji for another honeymoon," Meredith told her, "maybe something for her trip, they're leaving Sunday."

"Another honeymoon?" Cristina questioned.

Meredith smiled, "apparently it's number three or four…they've lost track."

"They're a nice couple," Cristina said. "Not often you see marriages like that."

"I know…"

"Mer…" Cristina said, and though she paused, she knew what she wanted to share with her friend. "I'm glad you're happy."

"I am," she responded. "So much has changed…"

"You've changed…" Cristina said, "because of him."

"Cristina…please, don't undermine what we feel for each other…"

"I'm not…I'm acknowledging it, and that he's the reason for your happiness."

"Thank you," Meredith said, as they exchanged glances, both friends misty eyed, no other words needed. The truce between her husband and friend, the first sister she'd ever acknowledged, was intact, and they smiled.

Lexie joined them a few minutes later, "this has been amazing," she said, and briefly witnessed the silent understanding between the two friends. "I'm going to go…and…you can talk…I'll see you later…"

"Lexie," Cristina said, "don't go."

"I…well, you and Meredith may want to spend time together…we don't have much free time lately…so you'll want to talk…"

"We have," Cristina said, "and you're her sister, so I'm stuck with you too. Especially, since I brought you home and pretty much forced you on her."

"Lexie," Meredith said, smiling softly at her sister's stricken look. They shared a lot in common she thought, even the doubts about being accepted by others. "Ignore her. She's got to pretend to be hard core…and if you breathe a word of her going soft, she'll probably have to kill you."

Lexie joined them and remained uncharacteristically quiet.

"Lexie," Meredith said softly, "Cristina's kidding. She didn't force you on me."

"Thanks," Lexie said, again remaining quiet.

Meredith insisted, this big sister role was new to her, but she was learning, and spending time with Kathleen and Carolyn was only serving to reinforce the relationship that had been building with her sister, "what's wrong?"

"Just thinking…" Lexie smiled, but there was sadness in her eyes.

"About what," she said and looked over to Cristina.

"My mom," she said, and Meredith's eyes watered just as Lexie's did.

"You miss her," Meredith said

"I do," Lexie told her, "and being here, with Carolyn and Kathleen just reminds me of how much I miss her…and Molly's far away and Dad…just…how I wish things had been different."

"Me too," Meredith said, and reached for her hand, and they smiled gently squeezing the other's hand, and once again unspoken words further strengthened bonds of trust and friendship. But this time between two sisters, strangers just a few months before, who'd been brought together by a heartbreaking moment in time that would bind their relationship for a lifetime.

"She'd have liked Carolyn," Lexie said. "She'd have loved to see us…how we've managed to become friends."

"Lexie," Meredith told her, "remember the night…when you said, sometimes…we just know things."

"Yes…" Lexie said, "I remember…"

"Lexie," Meredith said, "I'm sure…she's watching over, and she knows, we are sisters."

"You think…" Lexie said, both sisters teary eyed and sentimental.

"Yeah…" Meredith said, "I do."

Cristina had remained silent, and had closed her eyes briefly. If only, she thought, it could be true, if only her father could see…could sense she'd become a doctor because of him.

The five women enjoyed a late lunch and as the extended family continued to bond and then went for another walk along the property. Cristina and Lexie checked out of their room by noon, and all of them had enjoyed one last massage before they ended up back in the adjoining suites waiting for their ride back to town.

"Did I tell you girls," Carolyn commented as she saw Meredith continue to glance at the display on her blackberry, attempting to remain unaffected by Derek's impatient text messages, but failing as his mother took note of the secretive smile in her eyes. "That, I preempted Meredith being Mcdreamied before dawn."

-almost there

-guess you can't answer

-everybody with you probably

-ok so I have to wait

-remember to get rid of mom

-love you Mer

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, "stop teasing her."

Meredith smiled as she heard the soft knock on the door, "but," Carolyn said, "I get the feeling I won't be able to stop it from happening now," she said as Meredith walked quickly to the door.

"Hey," Derek smiled.

"Hey," she smiled back, blocking the door.

"Grey, let us in," Mark said, as he moved forward.

"You all smell," Meredith said, "like fish."

"We do not," Derek argued.

"Yeah," Meredith teased, "you do...and we can't very well let you come in here and stink up the room Kevin and Kathleen are staying in," she said with a mischievous smile, "but you…" she said to Derek.

"Yeah," he said, eyes shining brightly as they met hers and then roamed the length of her body, until again their gazes locked.

"Meredith," Kathleen called out, "you can keep Mark out, but let my husband in."

Meredith smiled as she moved to let both Mark and Kevin in, her gaze never leaving Derek's, "can stay right here," she said and bridged the distance separating her from her husband, "and…" she gripped his jacket and pulled him to her, "show them what being McDreamied is all about," she giggled as she placed her lips on his.

"Mcdreamied," Derek chuckled, "right here…right now…in front of everyone…"

"Kiss me," she smiled, right before he captured her mouth, and they gave in, albeit very briefly, to the passion between them.

"Did I pass?" he teased, a wide grin on his face, one arm holding her close against him, while one hand cupped her face and gently caressed her, then his lips found hers again.

"You did…" she spoke against his lips, "happy anniversary…"

"Happy anniversary…" he smiled, raising his eyebrow knowingly, "again…"

"We get it," Cristina said from her comfortable position on one of the twin beds, "close the door and carry on…but spare us …"

Meredith and Derek laughed before their lips met quickly one more time before he grabbed her hand and pulled her inside. "Yang," he smiled at Meredith, "I think the better idea is for all of you to leave and close the door behind you."

"Derek," his mother said, with a twinkle in her eye, "that was not very hospitable."

"Ma," he said as he reached her side, and leaned down to kiss her check, "maybe…if you'd let me talk to my wife this morning…"

"Oh dear," Carolyn said, "that would have only made it worse…the distant longing and all," she joked, "better that she slept."

Meredith and Derek exchanged a secret private smile. They had talked, right at one forty five in the morning, wishing each other a happy third month anniversary, just as they'd done the last two months.

"Told you Kathleen," Meredith said, sharing a smile with her mother in law, "your mom insists on talking about sex."

"Mer," Derek mumbled, "not…the image I want in my head…Mom talking about our sex life."

"Get used to it little brother," Kathleen laughed, "age has somehow affected her, and she is very open about these things now."

"What do you mean, "Derek asked, "that she's very open about these things?"

"Age," Carolyn said with a shocked expression on her face, purposely so for her children, "you ungrateful children, calling your mother old. This may come as news to you two," she said clearly addressing Kathleen and Derek, "but your father and I were younger than you are now when we conceived all five of you."

"Derek," Kathleen laughed, "she lectured us about sex when we were growing up, but now, she talks about it…with us and the kids…openly, and you should see some of her facebook reprimands."

"Facebook!" Kevin and Cristina said simultaneously and roared laughing.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, still laughing, "you're on facebook."

"Of course dear, the older grandkids are all on it, and let me tell you, it's a good thing they know their grandmother is keeping an eye on them, because parents are not as vigilant as they should be."

"I know what the kids are doing," Kathleen said.

"I'm not talking about you dear," Carolyn said.

"Honey," Kevin said as he nuzzled her neck, "she's talking about your sister and son in law," and Kathleen laughed.

"Facebook, I can't believe it." Derek shook his head, "I'm not on facebook, neither is Meredith."

"Well," Meredith said, "I'm not on there often…but I have a page."

"Since when?" Derek asked surprised.

"Since your mother sent me an email inviting me to be her friend," Meredith said.

"My mother sent you an email…and…you joined facebook," he said rather amused.

"I couldn't very well ignore her," Meredith told him, "even though she already had 77 friends and has joined 7 groups, and she'd posted some our photos from Venice."

"Mom," Kevin laughed, "you have 77 friends…and you haven't invited me."

"I'm getting around to it, but it's really very time consuming, and it was more important to see what the kids are doing," she laughed, "much to their distress. I'm also on myspace, once I discovered most of them have it, but they don't know about that."

"Mama Shep," Cristina laughed, "you are priceless…"

"Cristina," Carolyn said genuinely, "so are you."

"Mom," Derek said, "let me get this straight, you have facebook and you invited Mer to join…but not me…or Kevin…Kathleen?"

"Oh, I'm on there…" Kathleen said, enjoying the family banter, but even more so sitting on her husband's lap, knowing they'd be alone in the very near future, especially since she was plotting their family's imminent departure.

"All your sisters are dear and Lexie, and I found out about Mark because I got that message suggesting friends I had in common," she glanced over to Cristina first then Meredith and Kathleen, "and they were already friends."

When the men had walked in the room earlier, Kevin had naturally gone straight to kiss his wife, and pulled her out of the large chair and then sat her on his lap. Mark joined Lexie who was sitting cross legged on the other twin bed, and after remaining unusually quiet during most of the conversation, now leaned toward her and said something that made her laugh as he rested his hand momentarily on her thigh. The gesture was noted by all.

"Mama Shep," Cristina commented, seemingly an innocent observation, "did you say you are visiting for Thanksgiving?"

"No dear," she went right along with her, "I think it won't be possible until right before spring, maybe I could make it in February."

Derek roared with laughter as he put his arm around his mother and hugged her, "Mom," he said as he noticed the glances that had been exchanged between all the women except Lexie, not to mention the conversation with Meredith in the middle of the night, "Cristina is right, you are priceless."

"Don't forget it," Carolyn smiled. "Even…when you are wishing we were all long gone and you could spend some time alone with Meredith."

"That's not true Mom," Derek said and smiled. He was sitting between his mother and wife on the only couch in the room, and when Meredith rested her head on his shoulder he tenderly kissed her temple. "But you can ask Meredith, I only told her to get rid of you early tonight."

"Derek," Meredith smacked his arm playfully. "That is so rude…tell your Mom you're just kidding."

"But," he smiled, his heart bursting with happiness at the genuine affection that had developed between Meredith and his Mom, "she knows I would be lying."

"Derek…" Meredith said now with a more serious tone, "just for that…"

"What," he said, and looked at her, their look, and predictably was mesmerized by his smile and forgot whatever she was going to say.

"Time to go," Cristina said, "she's on the verge of being mcdreamied again."

Mark raised an eyebrow and looked at Lexie, while instinctively resting his hand on her thigh, "what the hell is being mcdreamied?"

"So," Derek said, again noticing the women's knowing glances and hidden smiles, surprisingly even from Cristina, "Mark, you're on facebook…how the hell do you have time?"

"Tracy got me on it, but shit that almost backfired, thank God Lexie warned me."

"What was the warning about dear," Carolyn turned to Lexie.

"Well," Lexie said, "it's not a big deal…just…there's lots of stupid comments and things on facebook and people post the most inappropriate things on walls, and I didn't want him to be embarrassed…and Tracy is on my friend list too…so I had to tell him…and it was good…especially since they actually got a good laugh out of it…"

"What the hell was that all about," Cristina said. "Lexie…focus. One sentence, well structured."

"I'm not sure if…" she said, and looked at Mark for an answer.

"She's being nice and not telling you about the nurse's group," Mark said, and before he finished, Kathleen was laughing.

"Oh my God," Kathleen said, in between good natured pauses for laughter. "There must be a Nurses United Against Mark Sloan group."

"It's really mean, Kathleen…" Lexie defended him, "that they would do that."

"Oh honey," Kathleen said, "I bet it was a boost to his ego."

"Not really," Lexie said without thinking. "There are a lot of nurses, that don't like him. Oh, sorry," she said apologetically and reached out to lightly touch his hand.

"She's right Lexie," he smirked, "it was a bit of an ego booster. Even if they don't want anything to do with me…now…"

"You are an ass," Lexie said, "seriously Mark…a boost to your ego…to have God knows how many nurses all joined together by their disdain…"

"But," he teased Lexie, "they were all singing a different tune at some point…"

"You really are an ass, I don't know how Tracy puts up with you," Lexie said and got up from the bed, leaving no other alternative than a good laugh for the rest of the group.

"He's so screwed," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

"Really…" Meredith glared at him.

"In a good way…" he pulled her closer to him, "he can't do better than a Grey…"

"He's too old for her," Meredith said quietly, "and just now he was an ass."

"He was being Mark," Derek told her, "but," he smiled and kissed her. "I'm beginning to understand Mom's feeling…and yours…and…Kat…and Yang…"

"Not," Meredith whispered, "if he continues to be an ass."

"I think," Derek teased her, "Xena will keep him in line."

"Ass," Meredith said.

"I love you Meredith," he whispered in her ear.

"Uhmm…"

"Uhmmm…that's it…"

"Me too," she said reaching for his hand, and smiled as be brought her hand to his lips.

"I think," Carolyn Shepherd smiled, "we've had plenty proof of what being mcdreamied is all about, and it's time we leave so Kathleen and Kevin can enjoy their evening together.

"You see," Kevin said to Kathleen, "why she's always been my favorite mother in law."

"She's the only one you've got," Kathleen glared at him, "just two nights away with the man whore and you're thinking of another wife," she told him, and then said quietly, "your cue, so we can get rid of them faster, I want to be alone with you."

"Sloane," Kevin said, "this is all your fault. "Shep, I told you nothing good would come of spending time with him. Should have known," Kevin continued, and both he and Mark smirked conspiratorially "and then to make it worse, the minute we heard you were calling Meredith I knew I was going to get in trouble for not doing the same thing. Hell, Kathleen," he winked at his wife, "we were camping."

"Kev," Mark said, "don't blame me for that, fuck…sorry Mrs. Shepherd," he reverted to the childhood name, "I meant…sh..crap… I told you to go take his phone away and call your wife."

"You know," Meredith asked, "that he called me?"

"Either that," Mark drawled, "or he's cheating on you Grey…cause…it sure as hell sounded like phone sex to us," he said while he and Kevin kept their laughter under control.

"Jerk," Lexie mumbled and swatted Mark on the back of the head.

"Ass," Meredith said, "you are making that up…"

"Hey…that hurt," Mark rubbed his head.

"It was meant to," Lexie said.

"Xena," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear, "ever on guard, watching over her sister's feelings."

"They couldn't have heard us…" Meredith said, "Derek…we…"

"We weren't loud," Derek whispered, "at least not on the phone."

"Mark," Meredith said, "I'm seriously going to reconsider if I want to have your influence around…when Derek and I…"

"No, you don't…" Mark told her, "no more blackmail."

"Mark dear," Carolyn said, "you're going to get yourself in trouble one of these days…and Meredith has every right to decide…"

"Not you too…" Mark protested, "Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Mrs. Shepherd," Carolyn said, "oh but what have you done now that we're back to that formal name again…"

"I haven't done anything…"

"Really, because you have the same guilty look as when you were ten years old and put Derek's favorite frog in the microwave…"

"Oh shit," Mark groaned, "he didn't know…"

"He did what…you ass…you put Hopper in the microwave…" Derek glared at him.

"I didn't push start," Mark defended himself.

"Hopper," Meredith leaned in to him and teased, "you had a frog named Hopper…"

"He hopped a lot," Derek said, and suddenly she could imagine both Derek's and Mark's reaction if the favorite frog had…fried…or exploded…or whatever it is frogs do in a microwave.

"You're making fun of me," Derek said as he saw her face.

"No," she said, "it's just…I was thinking how…what …you'd have been sad about," she paused, "Hopper, and Mark's expression if she…or was it he…exploded" a giggle escaped involuntarily, "and the way the microwave would have looked…"

Derek and Mark had been listening to her and the more she talked, the more the absurdity of the situation seemed almost thirty years later, and as they had so often in childhood, started to laugh and when Mark said, "I wanted to see what would happen…you know…an experiment…especially if we could pull the skin back together again…" their uncontrollable laughter provided one more level of healing between two inseparable childhood best friends.

Carolyn Shepherd smiled as she silently communicated with the love of her life, "Irish…we've done well…our extended family keeps growing…and now…these two boys…more so than ever I think they're going to be ok again."

"Mark…" Carolyn Shepherd said knowingly, "now that we have cleared up Hopper's incident. Tell us, what where you trying to hide earlier?"

"Nothing." Mark said and looked over at Kevin who was nuzzling his wife's neck to keep from laughing.

"Mark Sloan," Carolyn stated in the well known motherly tone.

"Fine," Mark said, "Kevin and I…"

"Me…" Kevin said, "leave me out of this."

"We lied about the phone sex conversation," Mark admitted. "We were messing with Shep and Grey."

"Kevin and Mark," Carolyn said, "you should be ashamed of yourselves, embarrassing Meredith like that."

"Mom," Kathleen, "don't worry, it's Derek that doesn't like for you to hear about your kids' sex life."

"Mom," Kevin said, "you had to be there…it was very distracting. Shep thinking he's quiet and whispering for an hour to Meredith on the phone last night, and forgets you can hear everything out in the wilderness."

"You can hear everything," Kathleen reacted by smacking her husband, "Kevin you didn't tell me that last night…you mean these two heard…"

"You can hear the whispers," Kevin laughed, "honey…believe me, they didn't hear anything of what we talked about last night."

"You both talked to your wives last night," Mark said. "Couldn't wait for twelve hours to see them…or talk about baser needs…and I'm the man whore?"

"Derek," Lexie said, "he has a point…I mean he is still a man whore and all that…even if he's been monogamous with Tracy…but you were camping," she smiled at Mark, "and both of you made fun of Mark not being cut out for the woods…but seems to be he did better than you did."

"Don't say a word," Meredith whispered to Derek before she said. "You know Mark, I think you're just jealous…that both Derek and Kevin had someone to talk to…that wanted to talk to them."

"I had someone to talk to…" Mark said, "I could have called Tracy…but the point was we were camping…men things…wilderness…no phone calls."

"Derek dear," Carolyn said, "do you mean to tell me when you called at five this morning, you had already spoken to Meredith a few hours before?"

"I had to call her," Derek said, as he once again brought Meredith's hand to his lips, and paused to lightly touch the charm bracelet she wore, lingering on the angel silhouette and the gondola, "we had a milestone to celebrate…"

"Another milestone," Cristina said, knowing what it was and not with her usual sarcasm.

"Yeah…" Derek said, "our third month anniversary."

"That's today," Kathleen smiled.

"For us," Meredith said, very sentimentally, "it started last night…same time as our wedding day…the same time as in Venice."

"Well then," Carolyn said, "now that we have found out everyone's secrets…think it's time to leave so Kevin and Kathleen can enjoy their evening together and Meredith and Derek can begin to celebrate this anniversary."

Everyone had already gathered their belongings while waiting for the men to arrive, and thus taking note of that, Mark said, "Mrs. S, Lexie, Yang, let's get a drink downstairs before we leave," he told them, and gathered their three bags, "they have a nice lounge and great view."

"That's a lovely idea dear," Carolyn said, and remained behind with the two couples.

"I will join you in a second."

"Mom," Kevin said, and anticipating a reprimand decided to take the route of teasing both his wife and mother in law, "Kathleen was causing trouble, she wanted to get rid of all of you."

"Don't think I can't box your ears too, you've been around longer than some of my kids, and this one," she said to Derek, "isn't too old for that either."

"Mom, I was kidding about the mother in law," Kevin said.

"I know that," Carolyn said, "you can't very well say I'm your favorite mother, or there'd be hell to pay if Maeve finds out."

Kevin laughed, "Mom's already accepted she has to share that title," he said about his mother Maeve, "she says she can't quite figure out it if happened the first week or the second week after Kat took me home."

"I think" Carolyn laughed, "it's served us both well, especially as we kept having kids around the same time, and we could fill in for each other with each hospital visit."

"Wait…" Meredith said, "I don't know about that."

Carolyn told the story, "when Kathleen brought him home, his family had moved in three days before to a house on our same block, but behind us, in fact, you could see each other's kitchen door, and that's how Kathleen found him. She told me he was sitting on the back steps with the saddest look on his face, and ever the nosy miss she was, and still is," she teased her, "she wanted to find out why, and let me tell you she got punished for walking way from our yard without permission. But, when she brought him over, I was enchanted by the little boy who had his favorite stuffed animal and blanket with him and was going to run away from home, because his mommy and daddy forgot to come after the sun came up lots of days because she had a new baby, and Kat explained to him, that it happens all the time…cause her mommy was big and fat too, and she came back from the hospital…but that it was better if his mommy was at the hospital, cause once she came home she was bringing a noisy stinky crying baby."

"It was true, too," Kevin smiled, and kissed Kathleen's cheek.

"I had not met his parents yet," Carolyn reminisced, "but, walked over there and met his aunt, who was worried sick that she'd lost him, and after that when Maeve came home with the most adorable redhead you ever saw, we became great friends, and whenever one or the other had a baby, she had four more, we'd look out for the others."

"It's worked out great ever since," Kevin said, "especially Christmas mornings with both sets of relatives for the kids, since my parents are still at the same old house."

"Get ready for that chaos Meredith," Kathleen said, "the first Christmas you spend with us, if you notice kids you don't recognize, they likely belongs to Kevin's brothers and sisters."

"But," Meredith said, revealing the lack of family gatherings and experiences of her own, "it doesn't sound like you mind at all."

"It is the most," Kathleen smiled, "magical amazing chaotic day of the year."

"I don't think," Meredith said reaching for Derek's hand, "we can be there this year…but, maybe next year."

"That will be lovely," Carolyn said, "your first Shepherd Christmas will be a wonderful day for all of us."

"Mer's right Mom," Derek said, never more determined to make it happen, "with the time off she had for our wedding, don't think she'll pull Christmas off, but next year, count on us to be there."

Carolyn placed her hand over Meredith and Derek's entwined fingers. "Your wives already know this," Carolyn said, "but I wanted to share it with you too."

"Mom," Derek asked worriedly, as he saw the glimmer of tears in his mother's eyes, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing dear, just a sentimental…old woman…"

"Mom," Kathleen said, "you're not old."

"Sweetheart," Carolyn said, "I don't feel old…but I am…seventy is not young…"

"Mom," Derek said, not liking the subject at all, and felt Meredith's gentle squeeze.

"Don't worry," Derek felt his mother's hand squeezed, "I just wanted you to know…how much it means to be here, just three months ago when we were all together for the first time, I had no idea what to expect…and now…I am so proud of you. You and Meredith, how committed you are to each other…how much you love each other. It warms my heart, and I told Meredith and Kathleen how the other day, at the needle…" she said, and shared her comments about the silent conversation with her husband, leaving none unaffected by the sentimentality and the deep emotions, "and then I find out that it's not just fate that brought the four of you together, that there was one more common bond between the four of you," she said, and a tear did escape, as she got up and went over to where Kathleen and Kevin were sitting, "that you both…" she said, speaking directly at them, "found comfort in each other's loss…of my grandchildren."

"Mom," Kevin said, after an almost inaudible gasp, "you know…"

"I know," she said, and bent down to hug them both, "and I'm so sorry…so sorry I wasn't there for you."

Derek hugged Meredith, kissing her temple tenderly, "how? Were you ok talking about it? Was she?"

"Yes," she whispered quietly, not wanting to intrude in the moment between Carolyn and the couple that for a moment relived the loss of twenty years before.

"Well," Carolyn said to Kevin and Kathleen, "now that there's no more secrets…I just wanted to tell you, how very much I love you, how I wish I had been there to comfort you…both of you," she turned to Meredith and Derek, "when each of you needed me."

"Mom," Kevin said, "you've always been there…always. There's nothing to be sorry for. I love you Mom."

"Now," Carolyn smiled, "it's time for us to leave you alone so these two can be alone as well, it's not often a mother can know in her heart that two of her children have found their soul mates…and like your father and I…that you've found the right one to share your life together."


	188. Chapter 188

_A/N 23SEP09- Needless to say…since I don't want to keep waiting to post an update, the visit is extended yet again to one more chapter, because, unexpectedly the phone rang…and that conversation took a life of its own, which I liked as it portrays the continued strengthening of Meredith's relationship with his family, and then there was this line that needed the backdrop of a game of darts! _

_The family visit is taking place three months after their wedding, and Meredith has shown tremendous emotional growth, but…oftentimes it's impossible to forget years of doubts and insecurities, except now, avoidance is not an option. Hope you've enjoyed these chapters, and if you have, your comments are so very much appreciated. _

_Joyce, there's no link with your comment, so I could not reply directly, but wanted to thank you for letting me know what you thoughts of the story. If you send me PM or email me, I'll respond in more detail._

_Thanks everyone for reading and still caring about these characters. Your comments since the last chapter posted have meant so very much. I will catch up with your comments and reply... at some point. Happy autumn!_

**Ch 181 – Mcdreamied interruptus…**

Meredith, Derek and Carolyn joined the others at the lounge but skipped having a drink, preferring to head back to Seattle and during the almost forty minute drive caught up with the very different getaways the men and women had enjoyed and discussed the plans for the evening.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "since Mer and Derek will clearly begin exhibiting sings of frustration over their _Mcdreamied interruptus_, we're taking you out to dinner."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded, though she could not keep from laughing at her choice of words, "show some respect."

"Meredith," Cristina said, "where have you been the last few days, she knows everything and you and Derek have not been discreet, at all."

"Cristina dear," Carolyn said, "that is very thoughtful of you and it would be lovely to have dinner with you and Lexie."

"It is Cristina," Derek smiled at the thought of spending the evening alone earlier than he'd anticipated, "Meredith and I appreciate it."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him, "you can't be serious. Your Mom is here visiting for one week, and we can't just send her off to dinner…how can you even think that?"

Meredith," Lexie said, "don't worry, we already talked about it and after dinner Mark and I are going to take the ferry and drop her off at the hotel."

"Meredith, she's going to be with family, and she doesn't mind," Derek said, desperately wanting to spend the time alone with her, but at the same time he was pleased she felt this way about his mom.

"Grey," Mark said, "really…enjoy your anniversary, we'll take care of her."

"Absolutely not," Meredith was adamant, "Derek…you're crazy if you think I'm going to go along with that."

"Meredith sweetheart, the two of you want to have some time alone together, and I understand, and I've already spent a lot of time with you," Carolyn said, unaware how her comment would rekindle Meredith's insecurities, "now I'll get to spend more time with Mark and the girls."

Meredith spoke quietly, withdrawing her hand from Derek's, "oh…I just thought…we won't see you again for months, but, of course you'd want time with Mark," she attempted to laugh it off, "I understand, you've put up with me since you got here."

"Mom," Derek said, sensing the immediate emotional distancing, "Meredith is right, I'm not being very hospitable."

Carolyn Shepherd was a very astute woman and realized something she said had deeply affected Meredith's mood, and she was determined to find out what it was. "I'm actually tired from all that relaxation at the spa and was looking forward to an early evening and to enjoying the wonderful view at the inn and then curl up with my book and read for a few hours. How about we all get a quick bite to eat at Joe's" and continued without missing a beat, "since that's close enough to the hospital that Tracy can join us."

Derek reached for Meredith's hand as he continued driving, and though she did not pull away, he knew that because of him, the mood had shifted and he'd be spending time soothing her rather than making love to her as he'd desperately wanted.

Meredith was sitting between Mark and Derek in the front seat, while the other three passengers shared the back seat, and the two men nodded their understanding that something important, that they'd obviously failed to notice, had altered the previously light hearted conversation.

"How," Mark said, "did all of this translate to you having dinner with Tracy? You're basically asking that I set her up for the inquisition."

"The inquisition," Carolyn said, "Mark, surely I'm not that bad."

"No," Cristina said, "you're worse," she said and even got a chuckle from Meredith.

"Cristina," Lexie joined the conversation attempting as the others to fix whatever inexplicable misunderstanding had taken place between Meredith and Derek, "it's not like she forced you, but it is a bit unnerving how she knows the right questions to ask, and before you realize it you've spilled about your entire life."

"Lexie," Cristina corrected her, "that was you. I only spilled about Burke's wedding."

"And the honeymoon," Lexie said. "Mer, she was not very talkative about what she did, but did tell Carolyn all about what you did during those two weeks."

"I didn't do much more than lie in the sun and play a bit of tourist," Meredith said without too much emotion.

Derek released Meredith's hand as they came to an intersection and turned to kiss her temple, and whispered, "I'm sorry."

"Me too," she said and rested her head on his shoulder.

Mark's audible sigh of relief at the brief exchange made Meredith keenly aware that everyone had been affected by her unexpected disagreement with Derek, and wished she'd handled it differently. Family, she thought, there was so much to learn.

"You know," Mark said, "if Tracy joins us for a quick bite, you can't go all motherly inquisitor on her, just let it be, otherwise…"

"Mark," Carolyn said, "I know how to be discreet," and was met with a chorus of laughter.

"Yeah…and as smooth and gentle as a bulldozer," Mark laughed as Derek pulled into the driveway and everyone began to collect their belongings.

"Meredith," Carolyn said when they'd reached the foyer, "would you help me in the kitchen for a few minutes? I want to make sure we got everything this morning."

"Mom," Derek said, recognizing the tone so often used by his mother when she had made up her mind about any given subject, and not about to let it go, "maybe I can help."

"That's quite alright dear," Carolyn half smiled. "Meredith can familiarize me with her kitchen," she said, ignoring the snickers from Cristina and Mark.

"I may not cook, but I know where to find things in my kitchen," Meredith scowled at Cristina and Mark.

"Don't pay them any mind," Carolyn said. "Run along, all of you, we'll meet up with you at Joe's, in about an hour, right Derek?"

"We should be there around seven," Derek confirmed, reluctant to leave Meredith alone with his mother, certain she'd ask her about what had happened in the car, something even he wasn't quite sure about.

"All right then, see you all at Joe's," Carolyn said, effectively dismissing everyone to make their way home, which meant Lexie drove Mark and Cristina to their destinations.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "Meredith was right about the fish smell, and we've endured it during the drive, go take a shower before it continues to permeate."

"Meredith," he said, "would you mind bringing a garbage bag up, I'll wash everything at the trailer, keep the fish smell out of the washer here."

"I'll be up in a few minutes," Meredith told him, and watched him walk up the stairs.

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "it won't take long."

"Carolyn," Meredith said, "let me show you where everything is," but was interrupted.

"Meredith," his mother said, "Kathleen and I got everything we need for dinner tomorrow, and I don't need for you to show me around the kitchen, but you already know that."

"I'm…I'm not sure," she hesitated, her friends might have said, she was about to have a minor freak out, "I know what you mean."

"Sit down dear," Carolyn said and led her to the kitchen table, while she made herself at home in Ellis Grey's old kitchen. "Right now, my son is worrying himself to death because I'm here talking to you," she said, "and you are acting like you've been sent to the principal's office," and with that she got Meredith to laugh.

"I am…" Meredith's ramble began, "and that's just the way it feels, except…I'm not sure about what I did wrong…well I do…kind of, since I think, I know I overreacted in the car…and I do understand that you'd want to spend time with Mark, since you've already spent enough time with me, and that you'd need a break…but still, I shouldn't have allowed it to show how it upset me…" she stopped, realizing how much vulnerability she'd revealed.

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn said softly as she placed her hand on top of Meredith's, "it's not you that did something wrong…it's more likely I did, because I realized right away, that somehow I'd hurt your feelings and I really didn't understand why…"

"Carolyn…you didn't…" Meredith said, "you didn't do anything wrong, it's just…I'm not good at this…with families, and I'm not sure how to act…but I understand…I do…that you'd want a break…"

"Meredith," Carolyn used her tough yet gentle mother's tone, and lightly tapped the top of her hand in reprimand, "I do not need a break…good Lord why would you ever think that? Mother's don't need a break from their children, well we do sometimes when they're young and energetic and bratty…or water faucets like Jenna, but even when we do…we'd never say that…and I certainly don't need a break from spending time with someone in my family that I care about…with someone that has just come into my life…and from the moment I met you…I've thought of you as another daughter…" she finished and held Meredith's hand in both of hers.

Meredith was speechless, literally, as she took a deep breath and Carolyn saw her lips quiver, "sweetheart, I want to spend time with you and Derek. But I was young too, and the first year my husband and I were married, even though I was pregnant with Kathleen for most of it, all we wanted was to be alone together, not with a meddling mother in law hanging around for dinner every night for a week."

"I…" Meredith, started to say, though it was hard to swallow past the lump in her throat, "my…my mother…she never had time…I was always a bother, and I just assume…it's the same…I don't know any other way…she didn't want me around most of the time…I'm used to it…she didn't think much of me…or that I'd amount to much…"

"Well," Carolyn said , she too trying to gain composure, as her heart broke for the child Meredith had been, and as their eyes locked with unshed tears, she thought, if ever there was someone who's eyes were the window to their soul, it was this vulnerable lovely woman who'd become her son's wife, the woman who'd become her daughter. "I want you around, I was just trying to be a very nice mother in law…and give you time alone with Derek."

"I understand," Meredith said, "I'm sorry I jumped to conclusions. I don't know much about mother in law's either, well except Mama Burke."

"That woman was just what you don't want in a mother in law," Carolyn said, "at least from what Cristina said," she smiled, "getting rid of her eyebrows, it shocked me and especially that Cristina would allow it."

"It shocked me too," Meredith admitted, becoming lost in thought, "that day was…"she paused, "a bad day all the way around."

"Meredith, I don't know much about the kind of relationship you had with your mother, but I've heard enough…from you and very briefly from Derek…"

"Derek," Meredith said, "told you about my mother…"

"The day he called me, from Venice…"

"What…what did he say?"

"He did not say too much, but he said enough," Carolyn said softly, "he told me…your mother had broken your spirit, and he had not realized how much until that night, and that in spite of it all, you had been a loyal caring daughter to the end," she saw Meredith wipe the tears away, "he told me that he was supposed to have been there for you and he wasn't…and because of it, it was very important to him that you have family with you on your wedding day."

"And you came, even though you didn't know me," Meredith said barely above a whisper.

"I knew my son loved you, and that was enough."

"I forgave her," Meredith met Carolyn's gaze, "at the end…she tried. She told me I wasn't ordinary, and then my dream, I believe she's taking care of Brianna," she wiped away a tear, and smiled softly, "so I forgave her."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn got up and hugged her, "I don't know…how your mother could ever think of you as ordinary…because in the very little time I've known you, you are anything but that…Meredith, and I'm so very proud, so proud that you allow me to call you my daughter."

"You," Meredith said as she got up to return the hug of this caring loving woman, that fate had brought into her life, and she thought, surprising herself, that God had finally answered her prayers for a family, "are determined…to make me just like Jenna," she said.

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn smiled, and after hugging her tightly she pulled back, "that would be absolutely impossible…she has been turning on that faucet since she learned she could get anything out of us, especially her father, and then Derek."

Meredith smiled and paused, the voice of her heart providing one more layer of healing to the child she'd once been. "But," she held Carolyn's hands in her own, as she had done earlier, "you haven't been around when I'm five months pregnant," she said, and those words continued to heal the lingering sadness still felt over the loss of that first child.

"No," Carolyn said, "but I will be…and fair warning…if I call you Jenna, you'll know to turn off the faucet."

"Carolyn," Meredith said, deeply moved, "you have no idea…how much I want that…one day…to hear joke and call me Jenna…to have you close by when Derek and I have a baby… and know that you're proud that I'll be calling you Mom…"

Derek, as Carolyn had predicted, had been anxiously waiting for Meredith to come upstairs and after fifteen minutes went by, he gave up and walked in the kitchen expecting the worst, instead found Meredith hugging his mother.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "what in the world are you doing still wearing those clothes, surely you know the entire house will smell like fish in no time."

"I thought something was wrong," he admitted.

"Why in the world would you think that," Carolyn said, "both of you, have to stop expecting the worst…lighten up you two," she said, and Meredith laughed.

"I'm glad," he said, "you two find it so amusing," and then turned to Meredith, "while I worried sick about what the hell Mom could be talking to you about, I've heard enough lectures to know…"

"Derek," Meredith walked up to him, "we had a lovely talk…after she admitted she knew it was a bit like being called to the principal's office."

"Mom, you shouldn't …"

"Derek," Meredith said reaching for his hand, "she's teaching me…about families."

"You see Meredith," Carolyn said, "that kind of reaction, making me out to be the horrible mother, all those, don't compare me to mom comments, take that back…my own children have no respect for me."

Meredith laughed, "Carolyn, am I going to have to call you Jenna?"

"Oh dear God no," Carolyn laughed, "I'm not that good an actress…not even to make this one feel bad for misjudging his mother."

"You two," Derek said, "are …I just don't get it…"

"But we do," Meredith said softly, "your Mom and I do."

"All right, we are wasting time here, and we said we'd meet up with everyone at , go help him get out of those fish smelling clothes," she smiled at her, "yes…I'm telling you to go and greet him properly," she chuckled, "as you've both been wanting to do since he left Wednesday morning. I'll make myself at home, and take the time to answer all the emails from home."

"Carolyn," Meredith told her, freely accepting the teasing affection her mother in, "you can log on to the computer in the den, it's easier than using the blackberry," she finished her sentence just as Derek pulled on her hand and walked to their bedroom.

"Derek," Meredith laughed, "I cannot believe your mother practically sent us up here…"

"To have sex," he finished for her as he closed the door behind him.

"No…I don't think she meant that, but maybe a hello kiss…yes…"

"I think," he said, bringing her close to him, "she probably knows it may be a little more than that."

"Derek," she protested and tried to pull away from his arms, "you have to get out of your clothes…"

"Mrs. Shepherd," he teased as he brushed her lips, "admit it, you just want me naked to have your way with me."

"No," she giggled, "your clothes do smell of fish, and I don't want to have to change clothes before we leave…"

He pulled her closer to him, his arms wrapped tightly around her, "but," he said, "I didn't want to tell you before…but you're kind of smelly too…"

"I am not," she smacked his chest lightly.

"Yeah…Mer…you are…after sitting next to me on the couch and then," he nuzzled her neck, "and then in the car," he bit her neck playfully, "you need to shower too."

"Nice try Shepherd," she laughed, "but I'm not getting in the shower with you…not with your mother in the house."

"Come on…it's our anniversary…and…Mer," he bit her bottom lip playfully, "you like showering with me," and his fingers began to unbutton her shirt, while he captured her mouth and without hesitation she deepened their kiss.

"We can't," Meredith said, breathlessly, "your Mom…Derek…she's downstairs."

"She knows," Derek said, breathless as well, "as you women insist on telling me… all about sex."

"She does," Meredith kissed him quickly, "but, that doesn't mean I want her to hear us."

"Mer," Derek insisted as he completely unbuttoned her shirt, and his mouth lingered just above the swell of her breasts, "we can be quiet…"

"Denial," she giggled, "I'm glad you think you can…I know I can't."

"Wanna bet," he said, reaching to unclasp her bra, and then his mouth on her breast made her lose most of her resolve, as she moaned in pleasure.

"No," she pulled back, "Derek…go get in the shower."

"You're no fun and on our anniversary no less," he pouted.

"I'll make it up to you," she smiled as she buttoned her shirt again, "tonight."

Derek began to discard his clothing and she told him she'd throw in the washer before they left, but he reminded her they should do so at the trailer and keep the fish and grime to the machines at the trailer.

"That's ridiculous Derek," she told him, "it's not like we're always going to have two washers and dryers available to do laundry when you go fishing, especially when we build our house."

"Of course we are," he said and walked up to her completely naked, "why would I get rid of the trailer," and pulled her into his arms.

"You are crazy," she pretended not to be affected by him, "why would we keep the trailer?"

"Meredith, we have forty acres of land, there's no sense in getting rid of it, and it would have lots of great uses…"

"Are you," she teased him, "anticipating you're going to need a place to sleep if you become more brainless and I kick you out?"

"No," he nuzzled her neck and trailed kisses to her throat, "because…" he said, and becoming more serious locked gazes with her, "we promised each other…that we'd talk, no avoiding, that we'd be there for each other…not let the other pull back…"

"No," she said, "I won't be kicking you out…ever…even if we're angry …we're not turning back to the past…we'll talk until we fix things and we'll be there for each other, just like we promised …I'm sorry…about earlier..."

"You're ok now…" he said hesitantly.

"I'm ok now…I'll tell you about it later," Meredith said, and wrapped her arms tightly around him and laid her head on his chest.

"I love you," he said, kissing the top of her head, "and unless you want me to pull you into the shower…I think I better …"

"I love you too," she kissed him softly, "and tonight…all of your favorite things."

Meredith took his clothes and the rest of what he'd brought back and put them in the washer, and looked in on her mother in law who was using the computer in the den.

"Carolyn, were you able to get online?" Meredith asked, and when she didn't get a response, she approached her and again called her name without getting an answer.

"Carolyn," she said as she placed her hand on her shoulder, startling her.

"Oh my goodness, Meredith you gave me a scare."

"I called out to you twice but you didn't seem to hear me."

Carolyn smiled and took out the earplugs, "what did you say dear?"

Meredith was stunned, "you're wearing earplugs to read emails?"

"No, I'm wearing earplugs because I've been led to believe it's the smart thing to do around here," she smiled mischievously, "but since you're here…instead of with your husband, I guess I don't need them."

"Cristina is right," Meredith laughed, "you are priceless. We'll be ready to leave at seven," she smiled and walked out of the den and rushed upstairs, confident even though she didn't see her that her mother in law was putting the ear plugs right back in. She quickly slipped out of her clothes and put on a robe, which was promptly discarded after she quietly entered the hallway bathroom reached to slide open the bathtub door, which was of course impossible to do without Derek noticing.

Derek expectedly turned as the door slid open, and smiled as she stepped into the tub, "couldn't stay away?"

"Are you complaining?" Meredith teased right back.

"What do you think?"

"I think," Meredith told him, "that you owe me…big time…"

"I owe you…" he said as he reached to pull her against him, "for what?"

She considered telling him for being brainless and a moron, and how his reaction about pawning his mother off on their friends had upset her, but opted for playfulness, they'd have enough time to talk about the incident later. "For teasing the hell out of me…on the phone…and then…"

He chuckled heartedly, "I teased the hell out of you…Meredith..." he laughed. "I believe it's you who owes me, since it was you that started by telling me…" he smiled as his lips found hers and he eliminated the distance between them, their bodies slick and wet pressed against each other as the massaging shower spray continued to flow.

"I think," she rubbed against him, his evident arousal pressed against her, "that we owe each other..." and began to stroke him. "Even if you're the one that made promises…you said you'd keep," her hands continued to pleasure and entice.

"Mer…" he groaned

"I love you Derek…happy anniversary…"

"Happy anniversary…" he said and reached for her hands and wrapped her arms around him, "let me..." he said, as his hand first cupped her breast and he took his time before his mouth followed.

"Derek..." she moaned, "don't make me wait…I want you…inside me…now…"

"Why the rush…" he whispered as his hands and mouth caressed every inch of her body and she moaned in pleasure. Later, much later, they shared one more kiss before walking out of their bedroom.

"Mom," Derek said, as he and Meredith strolled in the kitchen, and Carolyn was apparently doing some dishes, "we're ready to go."

Meredith placed her hand over her mouth to keep from giggling in anticipation of Derek's reaction, but walked over to her.

"Mom," he said a bit louder and still no reaction, but saw Meredith place her hand on his mother's shoulder.

"We're ready to go," Meredith said smiling, and Carolyn turned around and smiled back at her and took out her earplugs, "and why are you doing dishes?"

"You're wearing earplugs," Derek said as he shook his head. "Why?"

"Ask Meredith dear," Carolyn smiled.

"Carolyn," Meredith changed the subject, "why are you doing dishes?"

"I had enough time to begin preparing some of tomorrow's meal," Carolyn said, "almost had time to cook part of it," she laughed at Derek's slight grimace, "oh come on, it's not as though I did not know the minute Meredith went upstairs we were going to be late. By the way, I put the clothes in the dryer."

"Mom," he said and reached for Meredith's hand, "we should get going."

Carolyn had refused to sit in the front seat, and as they drove to Joe's commented, "Meredith you're lucky, your hair has beautiful curl when you let it dry naturally."

"It's a great advantage," Meredith laughed, "especially since…"

"Derek," Carolyn jumped in, "has to take the time to dry his."

"What's this…" Derek quipped, "gang up on me night?"

"I hardly think we've done that dear, even if we're about twenty minutes late."

Meredith and Carolyn both smiled without saying a word. "Stop smiling," Derek said, "I love that you two get along, but…it's not fair that all of you always take Mer's side."

"Derek," Meredith said, "not all your sisters do that…"

"Believe me," he said, "by the time we go home…they will."

"And," Carolyn said, "what exactly is the problem with that?"

"Nothing Mom," he smiled, truly amazed and pleased at the relationship between Meredith and his family over the last three months, and continued to gently caress Meredith's hand, "Mer knows I don't care."

"Good thing Derek Christopher, because," she paused as her phone rang, "oh…speaking of water faucets…"

"Huh?" Derek mumbled.

"Faucets… showers…" Carolyn teased, but before she had a chance to answer, the call went to voice mail, "it's water all the same."

"She's talking about Jenna," Meredith told him.

"I told you Meredith," Carolyn said, "sometimes…"

"Sometimes what?" Derek asked his mother.

"Nothing dear," Carolyn replied.

"Mer will tell me," he said with a pout that so reminded Carolyn of him as a boy.

"Oh, Derek…you're pouting just as you did when you were a little boy."

"I am not."

"Yes dear," Carolyn said, "you are."

"I'm not," he said, "and besides, you can't see me from there."

Meredith laughed, "she's a mom, I think she can," she teased him, "and she's right."

"Oh great," Derek said, attempting to sound offended, as his phone rang. "Hi Jenna. Yes, she's with us, and they're ganging up on me…and by the way why are they calling you a water…"

Meredith put her hand over his mouth and took the phone away from him, "Jenna, it's Meredith…nothing, he's just being surly and won't admit to pouting," and Meredith's melodious laughter filled the confines of the car. "Yes, I'll put you on speaker phone."

"Mom," Jenna said, "from Derek's comment, I can only imagine you're enjoying the break from my ever flowing water faucet…"

"You told her…" Meredith said.

"Of course I told her," Carolyn said, "I don't keep anything from them, she knows she drives me crazy with the crying, it's been going on all her life."

"Meredith," Jenna laughed, "that's the good thing about Mom as a mother in law…well…as a mother too, you know exactly where she stands, and thank God my husband is not relegated to an in law… but you'll meet that son in law when you visit."

"Ok…" Meredith said. "You can't keep doing that…who the hell is the son in law that's in bad graces?"

"Well, it's sort of two," Jenna said, "they take turns in being idiots."

"Which means it's not Kevin or your husband," Meredith said.

"That's about right…" Jenna said. "Though, I'm often thinking of divorcing mine lately."

"Oh dear God," Carolyn said, "Jenna, I swear I'm going to encourage him to divorce you if you don't stop acting like a brat."

"Mom," Jenna laughed, "I'm kidding…he's being wonderful…and romantic…and sweet…and he brought me flowers today," they heard the sniffle, "just…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, not sure how to react, "don't mind your family…I'm beginning to realize you just love to tease and taunt each other."

"We do," they could hear the sniffles, "so don't mind us Meredith…when we do this…and Mom and the rest all make fun of me crying…but now it's really bad and it's not my fault…I swear it's all hormones," Derek brought Meredith's hand to his lips tenderly, silently acknowledging he understood how this conversation could affect her, "he just brought me flowers today because I'm twenty four weeks along…and we're more than half way there…and I'm the one driving him crazy."

"Jenna," Derek cleared his throat, "I'm sure it's not so bad, but even if you do drive him crazy, which I could see happening," and the simultaneous whacks were heard, Carolyn hitting the back of his head and Meredith lightly on his forearm, "shit, these women are violent, just so you know, they both hit me over that comment, but Jen…all I'm trying to say…is that I've seen him…how he loves to pamper you when you were pregnant the first two times…and you know he loves you and he doesn't care about your moods."

"I know he does and he's wonderful…and he had to deal with me being all overly emotional when he got home, so I sent him to Nancy's to watch some game or other…"

"You sent him to Nancy's," Carolyn said, "he's being nice and caring and you punish him by sending him over to put up with my son in law?"

"Your son in law," Jenna said and started laughing, "Mom, wait till I tell him."

"You are all just pulling my leg," Meredith said, "with all this in law crap."

"Mer," Jenna laughed, "I swear, she's not."

"Right," Meredith said.

"Meredith Shepherd," Carolyn said in her motherly tone, "stop pouting."

"Mom," Jenna laughed, "you've got your hands full with two of them pouting."

"It's ok sweetheart," Carolyn smiled as she spoke, "they're just making sure I feel at home, since I don't have you close by to drive me crazy with mood swings, and they're doing a really good job at it."

Both Derek and Jenna laughed and she said, "Mom, I can't wait till you get back."

"I've missed you too sweetheart and the kids."

"Meredith…Derek," Jenna said, "I just wanted to say happy anniversary...I know Mom's cooking tomorrow."

"Is there anything the five of you don't know about," Derek said as he referred to his mother and four sisters.

"Probably not," Jenna laughed, "and now Meredith already knows she's part of the inner circle too…we all will make sure of that."

"You will," Derek said, and then cleared his throat.

"Derek," Jenna said, "Mer already knows…Addie wasn't…not with all of us…"

"She does…" he said, "does she?"

"Yep…she does," Jenna said, "and no, she is not sharing our emails."

"Jenna," Derek said, still holding Meredith's hand, "I love you…"

"I love you too Derek, and don't forget your promise to visit."

"We won't," Meredith answered, "we'll be there this summer."

"Jenna," Carolyn said, "honey we've arrived at Joe's, so we'll talk tomorrow."

"Good night Mom, say hi to Mark…and don't forget to tell me how it goes with Tracy tonight and what you think of that possibility and you know…"

"Yes dear," Carolyn said. "You have a good night too."

"Jenna," Derek chuckled, "he doesn't stand a chance."

"What do you know about our conversation Derek?" his sister questioned.

"I don't know…ask Mer…she's part of the inner circle."

"Brainless moron," Jenna commented and they all laughed.

"Jen," Derek laughed, "for the record, I'm agreeing with Mom, Kat and Meredith."

"You are not," Jenna exclaimed. "You're just trying to get information out of me."

"Jen," Derek said, "in case you're still doubting what I know," he taunted, "Mer's also right, she's too damn young for him."

"Mom," Jenna whined.

"Jenna," Carolyn laughed, "he's actually aware…so are Kevin and Cristina."

"Sarcastic Yang," Jenna said, "she's noticed."

"Everyone but the two of them," Meredith laughed. "I'll email you about the bets."

"Mom," Jenna said, "you're falling down on the job, you didn't tell me about the bets."

"I was waiting for tonight, to tell you all about it," Carolyn told her, "now we're here, I'm starving and Meredith and Derek want to get rid of me, of all of us as quickly as possible so they can be alone. So, goodnight sweetheart and be kind to your husband and give the kids a kiss from grandma," the conversation continued a few more seconds with additional banter from all three of them before the call was disconnected.

Derek opened the door for both his wife and mother, and Carolyn walked ahead of them commenting she'd see them inside, allowing them a few moments alone together, which at one point during the conversation with Jenna she'd sensed they'd want.

"Mer," Derek said as he watched his mother walk across the parking lot, "before we go in, I need to tell you I'm sorry, about what happened earlier…while we drove home. You're right when you say we tease and taunt each other…and honestly I saw nothing wrong about not having dinner with Mom…but I understand…I didn't…but I do…this is all new to you…and instead of being impatient about wanting to be alone with you, I should have understood how all this affects you…so I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry too…I overreacted…I know I did, I already told your Mom, and this…family …all of this…these feelings and emotions they are new Derek…but it feels good…it does…you've given me that…the family I never had and I don't want to screw this up, and to me it meant spending time with Mom…your Mom…"

He smiled, "she will be absolutely thrilled, the day you feel comfortable calling her Mom all the time."

"I know," Meredith said as she wrapped her arms around his waist, "it's kind of slipped once or twice, and she knows… I told her, one day, not too far away I will."

"Forgive me?" Derek asked as he cupped her face, "for being insensitive."

"As long as you forgive me too," she smiled, "for being very sensitive to it all…and how the mood changed in the car."

"How about they cancelled each other out…our quota for the day?"

"I can live with that…" she said.

"I love you Meredith," he said, and softly kissed her lips.

"I love you too Derek," she said, her lips on his, and then they simply held one another before they walked in to Joe's holding hands.

The evening lasted longer than any of them would have anticipated, especially as the phrased coined by Cristina was mentioned more than once, and Meredith and Derek took the teasing with humor and or when they felt like it, simply ignoring them.

Tracy had indeed joined them during her dinner break and Carolyn was a keen observant as she analyzed the chemistry between them as a couple, and the interaction amongst the group of friends in general. Her thoughts would be shared soon enough, though she did exchange a couple glances with Meredith, as she had just done when Mark returned to the tables after he'd walked Tracy to her car.

"Cristina dear," Carolyn said, "you're very quiet this evening."

"Quiet," Derek almost growled. "Stealth before the strike."

"Hell," Mark drawled, "I've heard her talk more around you since the whole time I've known her, not to mention the truce still stands."

"Truce?" Carolyn said, and waited to get an explanation.

"You know," Carolyn said, "it's too bad that two of you can't work out as a couple."

"What?" Simultaneously Cristina, Mark, Derek and Meredith exclaimed.

"You and Cristina," she said, "don't get me wrong, I like Tracy…and I'm very proud of you…being in a relationship this long dear, but you and Cristina just a random thought."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "never happen."

"Oh I know," Carolyn admitted, "you're too intense for him…he couldn't handle it."

"Are you calling me shallow?" Mark said.

"No of course not," Carolyn said, and shot Meredith and Cristina a don't contradict me look, "just that Cristina is too intense. She needs …well…let's just see what the future holds, right Lexie," she said, intentionally making reference to the conversation they'd had at the spa.

"I think Cristina is very intense," Lexie said, "nothing wrong with that…really…there isn't, and she's well, just feels things very deeply even when she tries to hide it…but that doesn't mean Mark's shallow…he's not…I've seen the side that has some depth to him…you know…I have…when…he…he's been a really good friend to my sister."

"Yes," Meredith said, "he has."

"Xena," Mark said, "you're going to ruin my reputation if you talk that way."

"It's true," Lexie said, "and it's not like I'm talking about it to everyone…just here…I mean…we're friends…and she's my sister…and Cristina's her person…and you've been around forever…"

"Lexie dear," Carolyn said, "we're among family…and you can definitely share your thoughts with us."

"Now you're calling me old…" Mark teased her.

"Not…really," she smiled, "but…you'd already finished high school when I was born."

"Shit," Mark said, "I thought you liked me and Derek…instead you're making us both feel like we're old and decrepit."

"I never said that," Lexie laughed, "and I do like you…and Derek...he's old but he and Mer…"

"If you call me old," Meredith winked at Carolyn, as she egged on the conversation. "I swear Lexie Grey…I forgave you for flirting with him…once…but calling me old."

"Mer," Lexie laughed, "I was going to say…it's certainly not an issue, not according to Carolyn, she had to wear earplugs."

"Fine," Mark pouted, "you call me old…and boost his ego…I'll have you know…"

"Don't," Cristina said, "do not let us know anything. Go play a game of darts or something, and beat this other old man," she said to Derek, who actually laughed.

"You're on Yang," Derek said, as he thought they'd just come up with the best way to end the evening quickly, a game of darts he and Mark were sure to win, "bet the two of us will beat the three of you in record time, two out of three games."

"What about me," Carolyn joked.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you play darts?"

"Not only do I play," she whispered to Cristina, "I play to win."

"Mom," Derek said, "you can't play against us…besides…you should be in the elders team," and he stood next to Meredith his hand resting on her butt, whispering something that made her smile.

"Forget it Derek," Cristina said, "get all those mcdreamied ideas out of your mind. Meredith, get your ass over here, we're going to beat the …"

"We're going to beat the Mc's" Carolyn smiled sweetly.

"Mc's," Derek laughed. "Mom…"

"I know…it's easier lump you both into one name," Carolyn said and they all laughed.

The game was friendly, but rather competitive as Cristina and Caroline were determined to win, and spoke of strategy, at which point Meredith said, "how about we let the two of you play and Lex and I will watch?"

"Fine," Cristina said, "you're too distracted by being mcdreamied."

"Oh," Carolyn said and squeezed Meredith's hand gently, "but I want to watch her fall head over heels in love, and it's going to happen," she told Meredith, "and then we can tease her as much as she teases you."

Meredith laughed softly and said quietly to her mother in law, "more likely she'll need to be mcambushed…mcdreamied won't work with her," and the two women laughed as they shared the private joke.

Joe walked over with a round of drinks for everyone and was surprised to hear Carolyn say, "Joe, how about you bring me a very cold beer."

"Ma," Derek protested. "Since when do you drink beer?"

"Since Kat and Kevin taught me to play darts and I had to spend a rainy weekend keeping them company and locking the kids and their teenage friends in the basement," she said with a deadpan expression.

"My kind of mother in law," Cristina said. "Mama Shep, let's beat these old men," she said and the friendly competition began until they were tied at three games a piece.

"Come on Shep," Mark said, "what the hell's wrong with you?"

"Hey, not my fault you're distracted," Derek taunted, knowing full well, the only one distracted was him as he and Meredith kept meeting each other's gaze, more than ready to spend the rest of the night alone.

Mark caught the last lusty glance exchanged between the couple, "fuck…how …"

"Mark," Carolyn warned.

"Now you reprimand me," Mark laughed, "how the hell did I agree to this…I thought I was partnering with mcdreamied interrruptus and instead I get unfocused, lusty, horny mcdreamy…shit…may as well call it quits now, he only wins when he's got pent up sexual energy…either because he's mad at Meredith or not having sex with Meredith…"

"Mark," the chorus was heard, with the exception of Cristina.

"What," Mark said, "it's true…just ask Yang about the infamous dart game between Burke and Shep, both pretending you were…"

"Never mind," Meredith said, "keep the stories to yourself; you're being a sore loser."

"Sore loser my ass," Mark laughed again, "everyone at Joe's knows the story of how jealous he was you were dating McVet…"

"Do tell that story dear," Carolyn said, as she continued with the game and hit the bulls eye, twice.

"Come on Mama Shep," Mark laughed, using Cristina's nickname for her, and put his arm around her shoulder, "telling the story will be worth the loss. Derek, Meredith…go home, Lexie and I will make sure she gets home safely."

"Don't be ridiculous," Meredith said, "and you don't need to tell any more stories. Derek and I will take Mom home."

"She's right dear," Carolyn smiled, her heart warmed by Meredith unexpectedly and casually referring to her as Mom, "we stayed far longer than we'd planned and I did tell these two they'd have an early evening so they can celebrate their anniversary."

"They've already done that," Cristina snickered.

"They sure have," Mark agreed, "can't believe they'd engage in …s-e-x-" he teased, "with you in the house."

Going along with their friends teasing seemed the right thing to do as Meredith said, "she wears ear plugs, and us being loud wouldn't bother her."

"Mer," Cristina and Lexie both said and laughed, "you didn't."

Meredith shrugged non committal and leaned in to kiss Derek, "we should go, we can make the 10:05 ferry," and they all said the corresponding good nights.

"It is rather late," Carolyn said once they boarded the ferry and walked on deck, "and I'm sorry we stayed so long…"

"Don't be," Meredith said as they walked side by side, while Derek stopped and talked to a doctor from the hospital. "Derek…he knows…it's important to both of us…to spend time with you…with our family. We won't see you for months."

"It's important to me too, Meredith."

"Carolyn," she said as they stood by the railing overlooking the city lights, "I know you and Derek will talk tomorrow…a lot…and I just want to tell you that you can ask him anything you want about me…I'm going to tell him tonight…he can share anything he wants with you…and I hope…that you can forgive me for hurting him…because I have…we hurt each other…but when Kathleen came…that night, when he called her…I'm very ashamed of the things I said…and I hope you can forgive me for that."

Unaware that Derek was standing a few feet behind them, Carolyn turned to her, "I know you have hurt each other, and you are right, there are things I want to talk to my son about, but I also believe that whatever happened between you in the past helped you both to get to where you are today…where you were three months ago even, when I met you in Venice…and sweetheart, what I saw then and what I see now are two people that deeply love each other…and I know will do anything to keep from hurting each other as you may have in the past…that's what I believe…because it's what my heart sees and the past doesn't matter to me…and there's no need to share that with me…"

"I want him to," Meredith said, "I do…because…" she paused as emotions took over, and she did nothing to stop the betraying tears, "all my life…I've never been enough, not for my mother…my father…and I'm trying…for Derek…for him not to ever feel he made the wrong choice in loving me…and he already knows all my faults…all my dark twisty thoughts…and some of our story is only his to tell…and I want you to know some of that too, because you seem to see a side of me that's not dark and twisty…and I don't want to disappoint you…I don't want for you to find out and then realize…you wish you'd known…and that could make you regret thinking of me as your daughter…I want you to know…so you can make that decision …with facts…before…in case you want to change your mind…"

"Meredith, " Carolyn lightly touched her face, the cheeks still wet with traces of tears, "there is nothing my son can say that will make me change my mind. I've see enough Meredith…more than enough …and more importantly, my heart has felt the depth of your love for my son…and I've seen the depth of your soul and your love for him reflected in your eyes, and no matter the past, that is enough…and you are my daughter…and I told you tonight, it makes me proud you allow me to call you that."

"You are very kind," Meredith said simply, "and loving…and thank you…" she paused unable to say anything else.

"You never need to thank me for expressing what is in my heart…a mother's heart…that sees a vulnerable beautiful woman that loves my son…and one day…one day has promised to call me Mom…" she said and embraced Meredith and both women understood yet another layer of healing was being nurtured, and then they turned to the man that was their common bond, and Meredith's soft smile brought him closer and he brushed her lips lightly and then embraced his mother and whispered, "thank you."

"You heard," Meredith said.

"I heard," he nodded.

"I meant it," Meredith told him, "you can say anything… whatever you need to talk about Derek," she looked at Carolyn and placed her hand over hers on the railing, "you can tell her everything."

Not long after that conversation the ferry docked and they drove to the inn. Derek and Meredith walked Carolyn to her room, "Mom," he said, "is there anything you need?"

"No sweetheart, nothing at all…" she smiled and suddenly noticed how the summer night's sky was as bright as she'd ever seen, "look…what a view," she said sliding the door open to the balcony, "I have yet to see a night so clear…look at those stars…

"It is beautiful," Meredith said as she and Derek followed her, all three mesmerized by the extraordinary display of nature. "It looks as thought there are millions of stars shining upon us…and there…she said… that cluster…look how bright those three stars are…"

"Mom…Mer…" Derek was awestruck, "look…a shooting star…"

"It was…" his mother said, "oh Derek…your father…he loved to look at the sky on nights like this, and once…one night with all of you children…in the summer, we saw a meteor shower…and there were stars…shooting stars, much like that just now…"

Far away where time and spaced ceased to exist, three souls, now very familiar with each other rejoiced as they sensed the emotions of the people three people they loved. Two had brought them together and now a third, another common bond was there to help them continue to heal. The healing of souls taking place in two different dimensions.

"They noticed," the man filled with love for the wife he'd had to leave so long ago whispered to the wind, communication but mere whispers or thoughts between souls.

"They did," a woman's voice echoed, "you were lucky…you and your Irish."

"So were you," the man said, "look at your daughter…how much she's grown…the last three months…she and my son have found true love."

"She is extraordinary…don't you agree…"

"She is…Ellis…she is…"

"In spite of me," the woman's sad thoughts were loud to his accepting quiet soul, accepting that one day his love would join him for eternity.

"Because of you…think of it that way, because of you…the words you spoke, the hug you gave her…your parting gift, Ellis that made her want to be better than ever before."

Then, just as quickly two souls became a grandmother and grandfather who simply loved an angel's gentle soul, impatient as she whispered in the wind, "I want to tell them I love them lots…and lots."

"We know baby…but you know…you can't do that all the time, you can't keep breaking rules, but they know…and they will always hear you when it is most important to them"

"My mommy," the child's voice echoed, "she likes to know I love her…"

"She does know, and she loves you baby and you'll tell her again, when she needs to hear it most. But, right now, she's with your daddy and your other grandmother…and they know…they just know," Ellis, who'd never believed in anything spiritual now wanted nothing more than to rejoice that her daughter did…that her daughter had found comfort in gifts only God could provide.

God smiled, Ellis too had become extraordinary, and somehow Meredith would know.

"Derek," Meredith exclaimed, "look…another shooting star," she leaned back into him.

"Two shooting stars…" Carolyn said, "quite a treat…a special anniversary indeed."

The three stood on the balcony, only silence between, yet each felt an immense connection at that very moment when silent whispers from far away somehow managed to reach them…and then…another shooting star. "I love you lots…Mommy…Daddy…"

"Brianna," there was a soft but gentle reprimand, "you were not supposed to do that…"

"I know granma…granpa…"

"Just remember…you have to wait," the gentle man's voice spoke, and then, he thought…why not…and exchanged an understanding with Ellis…just this time.

"I love you Irish…"

"I love you Meredith…my extraordinary child," and the three souls looking up to the sky witnessed yet three more shooting stars…some would find the scientific explanation of summer nights when as many as one hundred in an hour could be seen, but these three knew…somehow…someway…their loved ones had whispered I love you from afar and the shooting stars…their greeting… had been meant for them alone.

"You heard," Derek thought he'd whispered in Meredith's ear.

"I did," both Meredith and Carolyn responded absently, and all three in that moment in time knew they'd witnessed an extraordinarily beautiful spiritual gift.

_A/N - that last part…the star filled sky…well you see, I was flying home and the display of stars the night before & white fluffy clouds yesterday morning each with its own apparent design...and my brother said...remember when...and we spoke of the three most loved people in our lives now gone and amazingly both agreed...yes they do speak to us often in so many little unexpected ways ...sometimes as simply as remembering…or white fluffy clouds and bright shining stars, and I remembered three souls from chapters long ago…and it seemed so right to include that last scene. _


	189. Chapter 189

_A/N 27SEP – Thanks everyone for your comments. This was an unexpectedly difficult chapter to write, as many had asked about the conversation Derek and Carolyn would have, and did not want to disappoint and suddenly things were said that I had no idea about, and thus…in order not to delay this chapter which was up to 8300 words and still unfinished, decided to post in two parts. I still have to finish the rest, which will be appropriately titled, Unexpected Revelations (they surprised me!) _

**Ch 182 – Heart to heart **

The stars on this late June night continued to shine brightly on their drive home and Meredith snuggled up to Derek, resting her head on his shoulder. She had unbuckled her seatbelt when they'd reached his land and suddenly he heard two distinct drawn out sniffles and a sigh.

"Hey," Derek said, slowing down to a stop and turning to look at her. "What's this?"

"You," she sniffled again, "you and your family," she smiled softly through misty eyes, "our family…are determined to make a mushy sentimental sap out of me…"

"But…" he said, and tenderly cupped her face, "our family is not here now," and kissed her lips softly, "and we've already agreed you're mushy and sentimental…"

"Let's go home," she said upon his lips.

"I love you Meredith," he replied with a gentle kiss and tender caress of her face.

"I love you too," she smiled into his eyes, both mesmerized by the other, and reached for his hand as he turned the ignition and once again laid her head on his shoulder until they arrived home and he held his hand out and helped her out of the car through the driver's door.

"Beautiful night," he said, his arm around her waist.

"It is…" she hugged him closer, "can we stay out here…a few more minutes…"

"Wait here," he smiled.

"Derek…"

"Trust me…" he smiled again, and she watched him walk in the trailer and return a few minutes later holding light blankets, two wine glasses and a bottle of champagne.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith teased when he joined her, "are you going to get me drunk and take advantage of me?"

"I'm going to seduce you… and you are going to take advantage of me," he told her.

"I can live with that," she giggled, and grabbed the glasses from him and reached for his hand, ready to follow him, much like the first time on his land, with trust and complete faith in him…in them.

Derek set the bottle of champagne on the small teak table by the lounges and spread the heavier blanket atop the cushion.

"You're really quite domesticated," Meredith laughed.

"Covering the night dew," he said, "and it's not nice to mock your husband on your third month's anniversary, while he's trying to keep his wife from catching pneumonia."

"Pneumonia," Meredith put her arms around him and kissed him teasingly, "on one of the warmest days we've had all month…with temperatures of 90 expected the next two days…"

"It's not ninety now," he taunted, "closer to sixty five degrees and the cushion was wet…and still you mock me…"

"I love you," she said, and playfully bit his lower lip.

"I don't think that's going to work this time," he told her.

"You think not," she smiled, her lips on his again as her tongue enticed him.

"I may be slightly mistaken," he chuckled and pulled her down on top of him.

"I thought so," she laughed, as she lay back against him, and he nuzzled her neck, kissing her, nibbling, biting his way down to her shoulders as he wrapped his arms around her waist, and she lay her hands on top of his arms, gently caressing, quietly enjoying being held in his arms, her mood turned a bit reflective.

"Meredith," he whispered, "you ok?"

She sighed in response, "how can I be anything but perfect tonight…in your arms…"

"I know you…" he whispered, "tell me what you're feeling…"

"You do know me," she spoke softly, and shifted her body to look into his eyes, "but…"

"But..." he said, as his hands tenderly stroked her body, "didn't we eliminate that word."

"But…" she said, "it's ok sometimes…because, I can feel your emotions too Derek…tell me what you're feeling…"

"I asked first…" he hugged her tighter to him.

"I think," she said, kissing him softly, "we're both feeling the same things…"

"Uhmmm…"

"We messed up a bit today…"

"But…" he said and paused, "see it's still appropriate…sometimes…"

"Uhmm…" she responded quietly.

"We talked about it…and we're ok…right?"

"Uhmm…"

"Not very convincing…" he kissed her temple.

"Yes," she said, "we're ok."

"I love you," he said simply, and there was no need for anything more as she entwined their fingers and remained quiet for a few seconds.

"Derek…do you think…sometimes…it feels as though it can't be normal…to think…to believe…that somehow…our little girl…"

"Whispers…I love you lots mommy…daddy…" he finished, and it was his turn to take a few broken breaths.

"Derek…we both heard it…and then your Mom she sensed something too, but should I talk to Dr. Wyatt…maybe…I don't know…"

"Meredith," he said and placed his hand softly on her cheek, "I believe…" he paused, smiling, their smile, though a thousand fold more intense as what she saw held deep emotions, what she saw was a glimpse of his soul, "we've been blessed…in spite of all we've been through…the sadness…the hurt…"

"Don't," she said, squeezing his hand, and then her lips gently kissing his palm, "don't go back…"

"We…" he said, and swallowed past the lump in his throat, "have been blessed…as in your dream…with beautiful spiritual gifts…and we should accept them…as they were given to us…to help with our loss…our sadness…"

"I never had reason to believe before…but now…Derek…I do…believe they are watching over us…your dad…my mom…and that God's answered my prayers."

"Yes…" he said simply, "I believe they are," and he settled back into the cushion and held her against him, and they lay in each other's arms marveling at the display of stars against the backdrop of a clear night, and he nuzzled her neck once again, "and our baby angel," he whispered, while his thumb traced the outline of the angel's face on her wrist, "she watches over us too…and yes…I believe again, that prayers are answered."

"Derek," Meredith sighed, "I love you…and I loved her…our baby angel…" and then, she exclaimed, "look…Derek…look…another shooting star…"

"Uhmmm…" he whispered, "maybe…just Brianna saying good night."

"Oh," he heard the catch in her voice, "Derek…I love you…I love you so much."

"I love you Meredith…you're my breath of fresh air…my soul mate…my everything."

"As you are…" she said and turned to kiss him gently at first, and then he deepened their kiss leaving them breathless, and then she whispered, "let's go inside…I promised you…all our favorite things."

Hours later they lay sated and fulfilled, bodies entwined, whispering tender words of endearment and as they would often joke, chattering the hours away.

"It was nice tonight," she said, "spending time with your Mom," and then as she held his hand, "thank you for understanding it was important to me."

"I admit," he kissed her bare shoulder, "I really didn't understand at first…all I wanted was to be with you… I'd spent all day counting the minutes till I could show you what you mean to me, how much I'd miss being with you two nights."

"She'll only be here a few days…" Meredith said, "and she likes me…she really does."

"She loves you," he assured, "you should have no doubts about that."

"I was so petrified of meeting her," Meredith said, "and she's been wonderful Derek and I just never expected to ever have a mom feel that way about me…or for me to feel as I do about her."

"Do you have any idea how happy it makes me…that you feel this way?" He asked as his hands caressed the curves of her body.

"Yeah," she smiled before she laughed, "I do, even as I gave you the silent treatment."

"So I admit it…a brainless moment…" he said.

"Derek," she laughed and turned to face him, "I love you, brainless and all."

"Thanks Mer," he faked a pout and she laughed.

"It won't work Shepherd…I can see right through that fake pout," she said and lay her head on his chest, relaxed and enjoying the feel of his hands on her hair, soothingly and lovingly.

"Derek…"

"Meredith…"

"Tonight…when you overheard my conversation with your Mom…I meant it…I want you to feel you can talk to her about anything…she told me…that the night you called her from Venice…you'd told her about my mom…"

"Meredith," he interrupted her, "I did not betray any of your confidences…I wouldn't do that…I only told her…"

"I know you wouldn't," Meredith looked up at him, "she told me…what you'd said about me being loyal…and all that…"

"You were…so much more than she deserved," Derek said, unable to forgive Ellis Grey.

"Derek," she said, "please, don't be angry with her."

"She made your life hell…and…I told Mom…"

"She did," Meredith admitted, "but she's gone…and I've forgiven her…not so much because of me…but my dream…she's there for our baby…and that's enough…can't we put that behind us…can't that be enough for you too?"

"You are too damn forgiving," he said.

"You forgave me…for that night…"

"Meredith…there was nothing to forgive…not after all I'd hurt you…"

"Ok…" she said with a determinedly bossy tone, "what are we doing…it's our anniversary Derek…three months…and we're happy…and we're not going to rehash the past…all I want is for you to feel free to talk to your Mom…about us…whatever you need to do…that's all…because I want her to know…just like I said earlier tonight…"

"She loves you…you heard her, nothing is going to change that, it's more likely she's going to box my ears as she likes to say."

"Good…" Meredith said.

"Good," he chuckled, changing from the more serious tone, "you want her to box my ears?"

"If she has too…she knows best, that's what Mom's do," she told him.

"Meredith," he said, "her bark is worse than her bite."

"She's told me," she smiled. "But if you deserve it…"

"You're not going to stand up for me…you're going to throw me to the wolves."

"Throw you to the wolves," Meredith smacked him, "that's mean Derek," she laughed. "Besides, she prefers the old wily fox reference," and both roared laughing.

"Once upon a time," he said, "an old wily fox…totally and completely biased in favor of her new daughter in law…sorry, her new daughter, a sexy young fox that had married her favorite son...came to visit her five very chatty grandchildren…five little baby foxes… " and before he could continue Meredith quickly shifted her body and straddled him.

"I'm a sexy young fox…"

"Oh yes…" he looked into her eyes, "a beautiful…enticing…seductive…"

"Stop talking and make love to me…" she whispered seductively, "and you'd better hope…there's never more than one chatty baby at a time…or I'm moving back east with my wily old mom and you can raise the children," she said and their laughter echoed through their home before they gave in to their unbridled passion.

"Derek," she said long after their lovemaking, "we were wrong earlier."

"About what…" he asked.

"The temperature today…" she smiled, as her head lay on his chest.

"You mean…the chilling temperatures," he said, fully in tune with her comment.

"Yeah…" she giggled, "I think we've broken all records…"

"Oh yeah…" he agreed as they both laughed.

"And wouldn't want it any other way," she said, and through the night and into the morning hours they continued to talk of future plans, and as in their legendary symbolical tapestry, weaving in intimate and treasured memories.

"We never drank the champagne," Meredith commented as they got ready to leave the trailer the following morning.

"Didn't need it," he said as he gathered her in his arms, "too drunk on each other…"

"That," she laughed, "was horrible."

"Yeah," he chuckled, "maybe you're right," he said and affectionately swatted her butt.

"Don't think for one moment," she warned him, but ruined the effect by smiling, "we don't have time."

"I didn't say anything," he replied.

"You didn't have to," she teased, "thankfully…I can read you like a book."

"Really…" he taunted.

"Shepherd…" bossy Meredith was back, "are you doubting me?"

"Not for a minute," he said and bridging the small distance between them drew her to him and kissed her.

"You're not going to make me late," she laughed, "let's go, we are supposed to meet your Mom for breakfast at eight so I can get to the hospital on time."

They were driving to the café, still on their land when she said, "Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I lied…" she smiled.

"You lied…" he said, "and you're smiling?"

"I can read you like a book…sort of…but not always…"

"Confession time…" he teased.

"We're not really that great at reading each other, if today was any indication," she giggled, "though we're getting better."

"So…you lied…interesting," he continued to tease her.

"I can read you like a book," she said, her hand on his thigh and working its way playfully, "but mainly…about knowing…without any doubts…when you want me."

Derek took a deep breath, "Mer…"

"Uhmm…"

"You're not playing fair…" he said echoing what she'd said to him in the kitchen days before.

"Who says I'm not…"

He groaned, "if I pull over, you're going to be late…very late..."

"I thought, I'd give you an incentive to come see me at the hospital later…since I'm stuck there till seven…"

He grabbed her hand, and chuckled, "incentive huh…"

"I can almost guarantee…that…" she whispered in his ear, while she kissed his neck, her lips lingering…sucking lightly.

"Branding me," he laughed.

"Oh crap," she said, "forgot…we're meeting your Mom…you can button your shirt."

At that moment her phone rang, "it's your mother…"

"Great timing," he laughed, and heard the one sided conversation where apparently she was already at the café, something about having joined the inn's owner for coffee and then driving in to the restaurant together.

"Good morning," Carolyn smiled as they approached, and she kissed Meredith and Derek's cheeks, "they said it'd be about five minutes and we'd have a table."

"How was your evening," Meredith asked. "Did you get to read as you'd wanted?"

"I did," Carolyn said, "one of my all time favorite romances."

"Mom," Derek teased, "you read romance novels?"

"I always did dear, and do not even consider making fun of me."

"What were you reading?" Meredith asked, but before she got a chance to respond, they were greeted by John and Colleen Mulligan.

"Meredith, Derek," Colleen said, "what a lovely surprise."

After the mandatory introductions, Meredith asked, "where are the kids?"

"They spent the night at my parents," John said, "and we actually got to sleep in this morning."

"Sleep in," Derek laughed, "it's barely eight, and according to your daughter…you get lots of sleep on the weekends."

"I swear," John laughed, "she repeats everything, and at the most embarrassing times, but how do you tell her she shouldn't say things like that…we've decided to take it one day at a time…out of the mouth of babes…"

"She's beautiful," Meredith said, "and smart and you shouldn't curve her enthusiasm, especially since nowadays there are times you really do want them to talk…not to keep any secrets they may be asked to keep and things like that," and then stopped herself, "I'm sorry…what do I know about kids."

"A lot it seems," Colleen said, "because that's just what our parents encourage."

"They're right," Carolyn said, "most of the time…other adults understand, it's a fine line as they get older to explain to them that certain things that happen at home are family moments only. How old is she?"

The conversation continued for a few moments, including the Mulligan's comment that they wanted to make sure the kids would always know they should share everything with their parents.

"John, Colleen," Meredith said, "it's very last minute, but if you don't have plans for tomorrow, we'd love for you to join us for an early afternoon barbeque, it's only family and friends…and we just planned it last night."

"We wouldn't want to intrude," Colleen said, "and the kids behavior can be so unpredictable."

"We'd love to have you," Meredith said, "Carolyn's been missing her grandkids and I know she'd love to meet Kelly," suddenly it had become important to her to include their newly found friends, it was one of those moments when she knew things, and theirs was a friendship that would last a lifetime, "she's heard me talk about her a lot."

"I have," Carolyn said, "and I would love to meet her and Sean."

Derek was surprised but pleased that Meredith had talked about the kids to his mom, and encouraged them, "we'd love for you to be there, in fact, we're going to ask Miranda to join us as well and the kids got along very well."

"They did," John said, "and I have to admit, Kelly's been asking," he chuckled, "actually, more like pestering me about going to the trailer, she'll love it."

They were shown to their two tables at the same time, and both parties had a pleasant breakfast and coincided on the way out, and once the Mulligan's realized Derek was taking the ferry to drive Meredith to the hospital, they offered to do so, as they were already on their way to get the kids. Meredith accepted immediately. Somehow, it seemed right that Derek and his mother spend part of the day on Bainbridge, on their their land, as the two would engage in a long overdue conversation.

"Let's walk for a bit," Carolyn said once the others had boarded the ferry, "it's a lovely little town…and it's nice to get to know where my children live."

Meredith's day would prove to be an unusually quiet Saturday, providing far too much time to think as she allowed some doubts to creep in, what would his mother think of all that had happened between them, could …would she still think of her the same way after she and Derek spoke, and yet unlike before she was now able to rely on the promises they'd made and the absolute commitment to their marriage and place her doubts aside.

"You're off in mcdreamy land," Cristina commented as she sat down next to her at the cafeteria, "it's embarrassing Mer, it's like a neon light shouting…I'm having great sex with Mcdreamy all the time."

"Don't make fun, just because you're not," Meredith told her.

"It's true, I'm not lying," she said and took a bite of her sandwich, "Lexie, come over."

"Hi Mer," her sister said and sat down at the same table.

"That's what I was missing," Meredith said and dipped into her French fries, "they weren't ready when I went through."

"I'll share those," Lexie said, and meant it. "But no more…I love these."

"Sibling discord," Cristina mocked.

"Oh shut up," both sisters said.

"Lexie," Cristina asked, "isn't it true…she's like a neon sign flashing I'm having great sex and you're not."

Lexie choked on a fry, and then laughed, "I guess you're right."

"She is not," Meredith whined, "stop agreeing with her, she's not going to treat you any nicer…or teach you any better."

"Actually," Lexie said, "she's not a bad teacher," and earned a smile from Cristina.

"I'm a better teacher," Meredith said, "I genuinely care," she said, and there ensued a friendly competitive taunting and teasing conversation that ended up with all three laughing, and just as they were ready to leave Izzie walked in and they shared a few minutes, agreeing that Meredith and Izzie would drive home together that evening.

"Derek, this is truly lovely, this land, it suits you and I'm sorry to admit that," Carolyn said as they stood on the cliff, "because I know this is your home now…that there's no chance you'll be coming back east."

"Mom," he said, "I think it's right for us…the place where we'll raise our family."

"I've missed you son," Carolyn told him frankly. "It was very hard when you just got up and left…and months without really knowing what was going on with you…wanting to catch the first flight and come out here…but the girls wouldn't let me."

"So, you sent Nancy," he said.

"She volunteered," his mother said, "we were all concerned about you Derek, and you need to ease up on her a bit."

"Mom, she was a bitch to Meredith."

"You were a married man and we had no idea what had gone on between you and Addison, and suddenly there's a divorce."

"Not the best time in my life," he stated. "Nancy assumed I was cheating on Addison because of her, you all made a lot of wrong assumptions…calling her slutty…"

"We had nothing to go by…hearsay…all obviously wrong…"

"How much do you know?"

"All of it…"

"All of it…" he repeated.

"Kathleen was the one that insisted one of us come out of here, Nancy was the one we chose, she was more likely to be blunt and get the answers we wanted…we'd heard she wasn't single and an incident…"

"You know…"

"About the panties on the board…" Carolyn said, "I do."

"Meredith's going to kill me."

"It's time Derek," Carolyn said as she hooked her arm through his, "we need to talk about this…all that has happened, and Meredith…she's not going to kill you."

"I know Ma," he accepted, "I know. Let's go back to the trailer," he said, and they did where he grabbed some cool drinks and walked with her to sit under the tree canopy, offering shade and a gentle breeze to combat the unusual Seattle heat, luckily it was several degrees cooler on Bainbridge.

They sat in companionable silence for several minutes before she spoke, "Derek…no matter what's happened, I'm not going to judge…not too badly…but I do want to understand, if for no other reason but to make sure it doesn't happen again…you were married Derek, eleven years…where did it all go wrong…why didn't we know how bad things were between you? How are you going to make sure it doesn't happen again?"

"I love Meredith," he told her defensively, "it's not going to happen again."

"For it not to happen again," Carolyn said, "you need to understand why it happened in the first place…learn from your mistakes Derek."

"Mom…what I feel for Meredith," he said, "it's nothing…nothing like it was with Addison…and all we've been through Mom, it could…should have torn us apart…and it didn't…it's made us stronger…much stronger…we're not going to let anything happen to our marriage."

"What went wrong?" Carolyn asked again.

"What went wrong?" Derek repeated and took a deep breath and reluctantly but confidently began to talk, without many details about his life with Addison, but briefly summing it up to both becoming distant in their relationship, caught up in their careers without realizing that perhaps because their feelings, their commitment, had already began to change, that things were going from bad to worse. "Then," he said, and repeated much of what he'd told Meredith right after Addie had arrived in Seattle, "one night..." he was never likely to forget what he'd said to Meredith because each time he'd talked about it, first with Meredith, then Kathleen and now his mother, the memories were deeply etched in his mind, "and see that my wife is cheating on me."

Carolyn's eyes had filled with tears, fully empathizing with his pain.

"With Mark," he said, and here the story changed, because his mother knew what Mark had meant to him, while Meredith had not. "He'd been my brother…" Derek said with deep felt emotion, "my brother, my refuge away from four nagging sisters. It was common, dirty and cruel. I left and came out here."

"And you met Meredith."

"And I met Meredith," he said. "She accused me you know, once she found out, that I'd used her…"

"Did you?"

"No," he said confidently. "Mom, she saved me…I felt like I was drowning…and she saved me. My breath of fresh air…"

"Derek," she said, "what I don't understand…why didn't you talk to us…tell us…instead of leaving us to make assumptions that were wrong, instead of letting your family be there for you?"

"I'd failed," he told her. "My marriage, my family…all your expectations…I knew how you would feel so I just left, unable to deal with it…unable to justify her actions or forgive her…or him."

"I can accept that," Carolyn said, "for a while…but when she came out here…you were trying to work it out and yet…you were still continuing your relationship with Meredith."

"No, I was not. The day she came out, I was ready to tell Meredith everything, and it turned out to be the worst day of my life, how it happened…how she met Meredith…" he said, and was unable to speak.

"Take your time…" Carolyn said as she reached out and held his hand.

"The worst moment of my life," he repeated, and tears filled his eyes, "until the day I lost her…Meredith…the day she drowned."

"It's ok sweetheart," Carolyn soothed gently as she placed her hand on his back. "She's ok…she survived."

"Mom," Derek said quite a bit later, "when Kathleen was here…when I told her…all that had happened between us…and then…Meredith lost the baby, I know I'm skipping ahead…but please…please don't judge her…she had no idea I was married…that…" he paused, and gathered his composure, "that will always be my shame…and then…how I treated her…how I made her feel…I've let her down…and you…and Dad…over and over again."

"You were involved with her," his mother questioned, "and you felt you let her down…and us…but not Addie."

"Addison cheated on me," he said angrily, "I walked away, my marriage was over…and yes, I should have told Meredith…but I didn't…but once she found out…she walked away…she wouldn't have anything to do with me."

"I don't understand Derek, when Nancy came out here…she told you, I know she did what Kathleen had told her." He wished there had never been a need to have this type of conversation, even if he kept some of the intimate details to himself, with his mother.

"Once…" he said quietly, "once in all those months…we were together…that night, when I went to her…she asked me to leave her alone, ran away from me…but I couldn't…she was the woman I loved…and it wasn't slutty or cheap…I had tried for months…wasted months of my life trying to make my marriage work, but that night, I knew it was a farce…it was over…and what Addie did…it was to humiliate Meredith," he said, and they continued to talk and he became angrier, "she had the unmitigated gall to try to humiliate her…when she had spent months living with Mark…and then…" he stopped, there was indeed honor left in him, he would not reveal she'd also had an abortion.

"She had an abortion," Carolyn said shocking him.

"What…" Derek looked into her eyes.

"Mark told me," Carolyn said, "after you left, in Venice. He wanted to come clean…he told me everything."

"He did…"

"He loves you Derek…you are his brother…we are his family, nothing, he told me, was more important to him than to get his brother to trust him again," she said, and that conversation continued through the process of how they got their relationship back on track, all because of Meredith.

The hours went by as mother and son spoke with complete honesty, both at times emotional about their revelations, all the while Derek spoke of his love for Meredith, of his shame at letting her down, his feelings of being dishonorable in his parents eyes, and his loss of faith, how he'd gained some of it back as a result of Meredith's miscarriage. How the spiritual gifts they'd been given had made him believe again…that God perhaps would answer their prayers, but always…he protected Meredith's privacy, while honoring her request that he be open with his mother, and so he spoke of her mother's behavior and her issues of abandonment. A few times they argued, as his mother admonished him for his actions, and was horrified that he'd let her walk away...that he'd failed to care for her after she'd drowned, yet his mother had reprimanded, he claimed to love her. But above all the trust and love between mother and son prevailed, and misunderstandings were explained and wounds began to heal as the mid afternoon sun symbolically warmed their heart and souls.

"Ma," he said at some point, "is there anything you don't know?"

"There is…there was…when Kathleen flew out here, she felt there were things you'd shared that should be private and I know they have not been discussed with your sisters. I also told her Meredith spoke of this sadness you'd experienced and that I wanted you and Meredith to share it with me…when you were ready and not before."

"Thank you," Derek said. "That means a lot to me…and I know it did to Meredith."

"Now," his mother said, "let me tell you about being honorable. Derek Christopher, you are…don't ever doubt it…because a dishonorable man doesn't worry about it…there is no guilt or shame…there is no recognition or acknowledgement of the times we act less than with honor…just as I've done…"

"Mom…you've never…"

"I have," she said, "but let me finish…I wish you'd come to me…that you could have talked to me…but, Derek…as I look back, and see what your life has become…I'm proud of you…very proud of you…and your father, I know in the depth of my soul is proud of you too."

"Mom," he whispered, his voice hoarse with emotion, "I failed…so many ways…how can he be?"

"You did not fail…" she said, "you made sure that you acted to correct what was wrong, it takes courage and strength and honor…and that is what you have done."

"You are not angry with me," he said, "over Addie…and lying to Meredith…and…"

"I am not happy about it," she said, "but I understand, and you were doing the honorable thing in trying to make your marriage work."

"That's what Meredith said, when I told her about my conversation with Dad…on the way to Venice."

"She's right, there was no use holding on to the past…and I'll tell you this, if only you could have known earlier…about Addie and Mark, I'd have been the first one to tell you to give up…to look for happiness with Meredith."

"Mom…"

"Now, I will tell you," she said, "the only thing I am upset with you about, because I do not understand it, is that you'd ask another woman out the minute you broke up with Meredith, how could you?"

"You know about that…but how…if Kathleen didn't tell you?"

"Meredith told me."

"Meredith…when…"

"Same time she told me about the miscarriage, we were sitting in the old church…and she wanted to start her wedding day with all of that behind her."

"I can't believe she told you…"

"She did…not in a lot of detail, I could see she tried to tell me in such a way that she did not portray you in a bad light," she smiled, "much as you've done today."

"I've hurt her a lot."

"Yes, you did, but she's moved on…and you should be so proud of her…"

"I am Mom…sometimes I think I don't deserve her forgiveness."

"Derek, she obviously does not feel that way, and just as you should be proud of her, how much she's grown, I can see it…talking to her…seeing you together, but sweetheart, I'm so proud of you too… that after so long you reached out for help and called your sister, and I know it was because of her, because of your love for Meredith."

"I couldn't lose her again…Mom…I held her lifeless in my arms," he said, and broke down as he recalled that day, and his mother comforted him as wounds and hurt continued to heal.

"She told me she'd said something horrible to you…and how she thought I would not be able to forgive her for hurting you…but she never explained why. But, she told me she wanted me to know that she would never hurt you like that again…that she'd always be there, for you and for your children…that she'd never willingly leave you."

"She said that…" Derek cleared his throat, "I accused her of not trusting anyone…and yet…as afraid as she was of dealing with family…with you accepting her…she spoke with you and Kathleen…" he paused, "and I know…she did that for me…for us…"

"Derek, what happened?" Carolyn finally asked. "What was so terrible that the two of you almost didn't make it…what could she have said to you that was so unforgiveable?"


	190. Chapter 190

_A/N 4OCT09 –This is the first time a character (Carolyn) has revealed something I'd no idea would happen until the words were spoken. Hope you are not disappointed in Carolyn & Derek's conversation. __I almost deleted their conversation but the more I thought of it, it was the only way it seemed really plausible that Meredith could say "I love you…Mom," before Carolyn leaves Seattle. The last sentence, I borrowed from Grey's, it was a good line!_

_Thanks for reading and commenting, was surprised at the number of views on this chapter, though not many comments. The chapter became so long, I'm posting in two parts. Part two is completed, so I'll post that one as soon as I have at least the same number of comments as chapter 182…Have a great week, Jasmin._

**Ch 183 – Unexpected revelations – Part 1**

Derek was stunned that his mother had asked so bluntly, that specific conversation had been shared by both him and Meredith with Kathleen, and though he was conflicted in repeating it, he remembered Meredith's insistence that he speak with his mom about whatever he felt he needed to, and it became incredibly important to comply with her request.

He took a deep breath and without holding back repeated the conversation that had led to that fateful night he'd called Kathleen. Meredith telling him that seeing him with Rose, the idea that he had doubts about wanting to be with her, that he, the first person she'd trusted completely and who'd become the most important person in her life and yet had found her lacking as well, had almost made her wish she'd joined her mother, and as he said those words Carolyn remembered all he'd said about her drowning, "she told me…later…much later…that it was only for a second she'd given up," and her own painful secret memories came flooding back and for the first time since his father had died, Derek witnessed his mother break down and sob, and all he could do was reach out and embrace her, his own emotions controlled for his mother's sake.

Time seemingly stood still, and then Carolyn spoke. "When your father died," she said, suddenly it felt so much longer than the five hours they'd spent together, "I thought my life was over…all I wanted to do was …all I wished was that I could somehow turn back time," she looked at him sadly, "that I'd never given him that godforsaken watch. And I was so angry…Derek…so angry…at everyone…at him…at God for not answering my prayers…that our life…our dreams were snatched away…"

"Mom…" he met her gaze, his arm still around her, "you don't have to…you don't have to talk about it…"

"I do," she said, and he saw the new unshed tears in her eyes, "I do. It's been so long…and I never talk about it, but now…we will…because…you have to know. Your father was my life…and you….the five of you…I thought I was going to grow old with him…watch you become adults…and we'd enjoy our grandchildren together…and all of it…every hope and dream was snatched away from me Derek…just seconds and my life fell apart."

"Mom…"

"When you said," she spoke quietly, "she gave up…just for a second…she gave up," she no longer tried to stop the tears, "I felt the same way…Derek…right after he died…I felt exactly the same way, and I did… I wanted to give up too…and I thought, if it all could be taken away…what was the damn point of it all…" she said, and he was stunned and shocked by her words.

"Mom…"

"Only Father Dennison knows…no one else. You see, how when you speak of being honorable…I can't let you hang on to that…Derek, I was dishonorable too…in my heart I knew that even if no one else ever found out, I had let your father down…and what she said to you, for just one second Derek…, I felt the same way," there was despair in her voice, "what was the point. So I know how she felt…and the shame I've lived with all these years, but I was lucky…because for me it was just a thought…and nothing came of it…I didn't drown…"

"Mom, please," he pleaded, "please. I don't want you to be this upset… please."

"I need to tell you. After all these years, I need to tell you so you can understand her too."

"Mom…I understood…and Meredith and I have talked, we have…we're…"

Carolyn continued, ignoring what he'd said, finally she thought, it was her own cleansing therapy. "It was a few weeks after your father's funeral, I had no idea how I was going to cope…five children…your father gone…and yes the family had been supportive, but I was alone, and it hit me how I'd never see him again…touch him…laugh with him, and I was driving home one day …and suddenly…and I swear Derek I closed my eyes for just a moment, and I too thought what was the point. I was driving and knew I should be paying attention but all I kept wondering was if it wasn't best to give up…"

"Mom…no…no…"

"I closed my eyes," she repeated and he could see she had truly gone back in time, reliving the painful memory, "and thought…Irish…how could you do this to me…how could you leave me…why didn't you fight to stay with us…I was so angry with him, while at the same time didn't want to think about spending the rest of my life without him," both Derek and Carolyn had stopped caring about the others tears, "and I hit the accelerator and within a flash…I realized what I was doing…how irrational I'd become and really thought I'd gone insane and hit the breaks…but it was too late as I ran into another car that was making a turn…"

"Your accident…when you totaled the car…" he vaguely recalled the day.

"It felt as though I was losing my mind. I was driving home and my thoughts became darker and began to wondered if you might not be better off without me," she paused.

"I hadn't smiled…hardly been able to eat or sleep…and all of you were getting nothing from me but sadness and despair, I couldn't even bring myself to talk some days. You see…why I know…I understand that I've been dishonorable too…and have to believe your father forgave me for that. Somehow," she continued, almost as though each word was cleansing a would, "that dark abyss had its purpose, and I felt God chose that incident to make me see how I was affecting all of you and that there was nothing more important than my children…that the love your father and I shared…each of our miracles as he called you…needed me…and God gave me the strength to accept and understand what I was meant to do…and you see Derek…I had something she didn't, something she did not grow up with…I had faith and I'd had your father's love…and all of yours… and right before I hit that car, I swear I heard your father's voice," she took a couple broke breaths, "I love you Irish…and one day we'll be together again…"

"Mom…"

"Don't worry about what you're thinking, I thought I was crazy then too," Carolyn said, "imagining your father's voice…but it was him…I believe he was watching over me…and I prayed right then and there that God forgive me for my thoughts and my ungratefulness…I had you…five of you who were ever so precious to me and but Meredith she was alone."

Derek was rendered speechless.

"Derek," she asked quietly, "say something…"

"All you've said…in some ways, it only creates more doubts and makes me feel even more dishonorable, because Mom…she had no one…and I knew that, and I chose to walk away, I chose to turn away from her."

"Derek, you've been working on your relationship, you're married…you've done nothing but love her and take care of her the last several months, but if you can't forgive yourself…how do you expect her to put it all truly behind her? How can you possibly forgive me for wanting to give up…when I had all of you?"

"Mom," he said and took a deep breath, "I do understand," he assured her, "and of course I can forgive you…you…you have been there for all of us…and this today, what you're sharing with me, it doesn't change anything…not how I feel about you."

"Are you sure?" Carolyn said, old doubts and fears of what her children would think, how they would judge her, resurfacing after decades long buried.

"Mom," he embraced her, "there's nothing to forgive, and I do understand your pain."

"Have you understood hers…the depth of her despair…have you forgiven her?"

"I think I have, that I understand…and I'm the one that has failed her, I'm the one…"

"Oh…sweetheart…you two have been through hell and back," his mother said.

"She has…because of me…" he said without looking at his mother.

"Derek, she has…yet all she cared about was me knowing she'd never willingly leave you," she touched is face tenderly. "Oh, but I wish I had been closer…that I'd been here from the beginning to offer her some affection…she deserves that so much…"

"Mom," he said no longer uncertain of telling her all that had happened, "there's more…"

"There's more," Carolyn said, "dear God…what more?"

"No one knows this Mom…except her therapist, but the reason Meredith is so adamant, so determined that you know she'd never give up again…when she was a little girl, her mother tried to commit suicide…and she was there…she sliced her wrists in front of her," he said and then continued the story.

"Oh my God," Carolyn closed her eyes, "when did you find out?"

"The night I called you and asked you to come to our wedding…"

Carolyn Shepherd did the one thing she'd been doing for years, offering her love and affection to her children, and reached for her son and embraced him, and mother and son processed all that had been shared in silence until her words echoed through the air. "Derek," she said, and pulled out of his arms and looked at him. "I can't even begin to imagine what Meredith felt. But now, can you forgive me…for what I did…for my weakness and the pain I would have caused you…?"

"Mom," he said, needing time to compose himself, but never more certain of what he'd felt when he finally spoke, "there's nothing to forgive."

"Then," she said, grateful that sharing her age old shame had at least helped to point out something that was glaringly obvious, "if you can forgive me, isn't it time you forgive yourself as well? I'm sharing this with you now, before I leave, because what I witnessed yesterday, those misunderstandings that suddenly turn into more, you both need to accept where you are now is a result of that past, that you have both survived…that you have both truly forgiven each other, but most of all that you forgive yourselves and that the love for each other is going to be enough to get you through anything that life sends your way."

"This is why…" he said, "the reason you've been so accepting of Meredith…you've never judged…"

"Part of it Derek…remember I did not know all that had happened, but I sensed there was so much vulnerability…in so many ways her doubts and yours are reflected, but I will never judge her…because I do know how it feels to believe you've lost all that was important to you and it was my shame to live with because I had you…and your sisters…my five beautiful children…and still doubted myself…my life…all my blessings, and she Derek…she had nothing…she had no one…that poor child had no one and her own mother said horrible things to her…"

"Mom," Derek could not conceal the raw emotions, "she had me…I wasn't enough," he said, "how can I be sure…she won't feel that way again…Mom…" he choked back all the emotions he felt, "I can't lose her again. How can I be enough…"

"If you feel this way, I don't think you've really forgiven her," Carolyn challenged.

"Of course I have."

"I don't think you can," Carolyn told him, "until you accept that she loves you…and just as you are sorry, she is too for the pain she caused you. Don't you see…" his mother touched his cheek, "I had five of you…and still for that moment of sheer hell and insanity I closed my eyes…without fully realizing what the consequences would be… I felt so much pain…so lost…I could have hurt you so deeply if I'd abandoned you too…the five joys in my life…I've never forgiven myself…I never will…but I was lucky…she wasn't."

"I know," he said, "she drowned…and then I failed her…telling her I didn't want to breathe for her, and that's something…I don't even understand how she forgave me…sometimes, like today…when I can see she's still insecure I wonder if she really has. Because Mom, when I allow myself to think about it, how the hell can I forgive myself?"

"She has forgiven you…it's time Derek…time to move on," his mother said, as the both sat in complete silence.

"Mom," after a while, he touched her cheek, "you should forgive yourself, because that's what Dad would want…I know that Mom… and you heard him last night too…Mom, we all got a gift Mom… and I think he meant for us to share last night together, with Brianna," he smiled, "your little angel Mom…"

"Oh sweetheart…" she said, "she is…our little angel…and she's with her grandfather and grandmother."

"I believe she is," he said, and they smiled in understanding, and Carolyn began to forgive herself for that moment in time, as her son put his arm around her and tenderly kissed her forehead.

Carolyn's response was a broken sob, "I love you Derek…I love you all so much."

"I love you to Ma."

"Derek," his mother said, "your father, he would be very proud of you. Please, let go of past mistakes."

"You think…" he said, and she knew he indeed was filled with guilt and regrets.

"I have no doubts," Carolyn said, "none at all."

"I've needed you…thank you for being here for us."

"Derek," she said, "share what I told you with Meredith…she should know."

"Mom…"

"I want her to know…just as she has trusted me…I trust her," and with that comment, mother and son began a gentle journey of healing and forgiveness.

The hours had flown and it was already after three when he said, "we didn't have lunch, I'm going to fix us something before we head back...take it with us on the ferry."

"Let me do that," she said as he held her hand out for her to get up, "while you finish the laundry you started."

"Oh yes," he laughed, "Mer would never let me hear the end of it," he said and when they walked in the trailer took the freshly laundered sheets from the dryer and made the bed, ready to be used by the kids for napping the next day.

"Drop me off," Carolyn said while they were on the ferry back to Seattle, "and go see your wife, she must be a bundle of nerves worrying over what you said to me and my reaction…and that she hadn't talked to you all day."

"You know her well…"

"I understand her," she said simply. "And you need to see her too."

"Mom…do you understand now…why in spite of some doubts, our marriage…what we feel for each other, we're going to make it… Meredith and I will be together…for a lifetime…"

"I understand," she told him, "and no doubts at all."

"Hey," Meredith heard as her heart skipped a beat at the sound of his voice, and she turned quickly to look at him standing at the door while she wrote out some charts in the resident's lounge.

"Hey," she smiled, "how was your day?"

"Good…" he said absently.

"Derek…" she got up and walked into his embrace, "what's wrong?"

He took a deep breath and sighed, "very emotional day."

"Are you ok?"

"Yes."

"You don't look ok…"

"It was…an unexpected day…caught totally off guard."

"Derek…I know it's selfish, but, I have to ask…does she hate me?"

"She loves you even more."

"Oh…"

"I love you," he said, "Meredith, I love you so much."

"But…you say that…and you're sad…why?"

"I'll tell you later…Mom shared some things…and …she wants me to talk to you about it…share a story with you..."

"Are you sure everything's ok?"

"Yes…it is…everything's ok now…but it's a story that made us both sad…and she said to tell you…that she trusts you to know…just as you have trusted her."

"Oh," she said, and this time her eyes were glimmering with tears. "She trusts me…"

"She does…"

"Ok…whenever you're ready to talk about it, I'm here," she brought her hand to his face, and then kissed him, "I love you. I missed you today."

"I missed you too," he said, "you still have a couple hours?"

"Uhmm…unfortunately…"

"Let me help you," he said, as he reached for one of her charts.

"You're going to help me with my charts…"

"Sure…I know how to do that…I'm a very good doctor you know…"

"So I can dictate to you and you write on my charts…" she smiled.

"No…I thought I'd review your charts…"

"My charts are excellent," she challenged.

"I know," he said, and leaned in to kiss her, "I really need to be with you right now."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"Tell me what's wrong…please…"

"I need to think about it…ok…and Mom needed some time alone too…"

"Do you want me to come to your office…I can do my charts there?"

"Yeah…" he said, "that would be good," and he grabbed her charts and carried them, as they walked to his office hand in hand. He sat on the small couch and pulled her back into him, and just held her as she meticulously completed her work. "You do excellent work Meredith," he said at one point while looking over her shoulder.

"Thank you Dr. Shepherd," she teased him.

"You're welcome Dr. Grey…" he smiled.

"Dr. Shepherd," Meredith smiled, "I'm not quite sure, but I think your wife's getting jealous of our relationship," she giggled and finally she felt him relax.

"My wife," he said, "knows she's the only woman I love…and want…"

"Maybe you should let her know," Meredith said playfully as she put her finished charts aside, "you know…some small way to reassure her."

"Like this," he said, as he turned her around and kissed her.

"Just like that," Meredith spoke upon his lips, "perfect…" and she deepened their kiss, and knew she'd made him forget whatever was troubling him.

"Any chance you can get out of here a little early," he commented.

"Let me go see what's going on," she said, "it's been very quiet… I'll call you."

Meredith wasn't able to get away, but advised one of her interns to page her if it was absolutely necessary and went back to Derek's office and found him on the couch with his eyes closed. "Hey, couple of others went home cause it was so slow today, so I'm stuck….another ninety minutes, but they'll page me if they need me," she said and sat down and hugged him.

"I think," Derek said after a few minutes, "I should tell you about my day."

She sat up to look at him, "ok."

"It was a good day…" he said, "it was…just lots of unexpected emotions," he summarized most of the conversation with his Mom, which they both already knew all that had happened, so there was no need for much detail, but then, when he got to the point of sharing his mother's story, it became more difficult to deal with the recently discovered emotions.

"It's ok…" she soothed, reaching for his hand, "I'm here…and you can tell me anything…I'll always be here…"

"Oh God…Meredith…" he said and took several deep breaths, "she was so alone…even with all of us kids…she was so alone," he said and told his mother's story, and they both shared tears shed out of compassion and love for the woman they would both call Mom, and for the unexpected similarities of a simple moment in time, when the two most important women in his life experienced painful despair and all hope seemed gone.

"She wanted you to tell me," Meredith felt the tears on her cheek, "just…"

"Just as you wanted me to tell her…" he said, and kissed away her tears.

"She's always so strong...so strong…"

"Promise me," he said, holding her face in his hands, "promise you will always tell me what you feel…no matter what…you will talk to me…"

"I will…I've told you…no holding back…we talk…I promise you," she said and reached out to embrace him and then kissed the tear streaked face, and "I will always…always be by your side…for the rest of our lives…"

"Our lifetime…"

"And beyond," she said, "don't forget it…just as we felt it last night…for always," and their kiss sealed a promise and commitment that would never be broken.

"Mom," Derek called out shortly after seven, Meredith had been able to leave the hospital fifteen minutes earlier than expected, and they walked in the kitchen. "We're home."

"Hello sweetheart," Carolyn said, a bit unsure of what his mood would be like. She knew her son and had half expected him to spend the last few hours brooding, but to her immense relief he came in smiling and teasing Meredith and walked to her and gave her a kiss on the cheek. "I love you Mom," he said quietly, "never more than I do today."

"Thank you," Carolyn said with heartfelt emotion, and knew all between them was fine."

"Mom," he asked, "where are Kathleen and Kevin?"

"Believe it or not," Carolyn said, "we forgot dessert yesterday. They should be here any minute. Alex is upstairs and the other three kids are apparently in your den playing some game or other."

"Three kids?" Derek questioned.

"Mark, Lexie and Cristina," Carolyn said.

"Of course," Derek chuckled, "the three kids, let me go check on them."

"Carolyn," Meredith walked to her and both women faced each other, and surprising his mother, she reached out and embraced her, and said "thank you…I never knew how much I needed you…how grateful I'd be to have you in my life."

"Oh Meredith," the older woman took a few broken breaths, "you have no idea… what that meant to me today."

"But I do…" she hugged her closer, "I really do."

"He talked to you…" Carolyn said.

"He did…and I'm so sorry… and I know…you shared that with him because of me…"

"I wanted him to understand," Carolyn admitted, "how one moment of unbearable pain."

"I know…" Meredith said, "but now…it's behind us…both of us…and he loves us, and knows that we love him…he has no doubts…that we both love him."

"My son," Carolyn said, "is a very lucky man."

"I'm a very lucky woman…I'm very blessed…to have him and you in my life."

"I think," Carolyn said, "that God certainly works in mysterious ways."

"That's exactly what Kathleen said when we met…and then…I wasn't sure, but now, I know He does…I love you Carolyn."

"Meredith," she touched her cheek lovingly, "I love you too sweetheart," and they exchanged one last embrace.

"What's going on," Kathleen said as she walked in the kitchen, sensing something very important had taken place that day between her mother, Derek and Meredith.

"Mom," Meredith smiled, "has agreed to teach me to cook."

Carolyn's expressions were priceless, joy, shock and recovery. Joy, when she'd called her Mom, and told her she loved her. Shock when she'd mention cooking, that had come out of nowhere, she thought. Recovery, she just went along with it and hoped she wasn't as bad in the kitchen as everyone kept joking about.

"You're lying," Kathleen said, "but I'll figure it out."

"It's true dear," Carolyn smiled at Meredith, "next time I'm out here…I'm going to give her some cooking lessons."

"You're both lying," Kathleen said, and went over and hugged her mother, who she could tell had been crying, "but…I love you anyway Mom," and turned to Meredith, "you on the other hand," she scowled at her, "sisters don't keep secrets."

"What…" Meredith argued. "She told you…she's going to teach me to cook."

Kathleen smiled, "Meredith, you're a terrible liar," she said and stood in front of her, "but whatever your reasons," she said and hugged her, "I love you too."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "I'm glad I have you as a sister…"

"Me too Meredith."

"Mama Shep," they all heard Cristina, "we're starving…and everything smells so good, how long before you feed us?"

"A half hour dear," Carolyn replied, "wasn't expecting Meredith to be here so early."

Before long everyone was gathered in the kitchen and helped to bring countless dishes to the dining room table set for ten, as the only one missing was George who was working.

"Mom," Derek said, "I don't care what anyone tells you, especially Kathleen…nobody can cook this better than you can," he referred to his favorite dish.

"Thank you dear," Carolyn said, "I noticed you did not extend that to all the dishes."

"He knows better, you can tell when he lies," Kathleen quipped.

"Do you always have to contradict everything," Derek said, "Kathleen…really…"

"Just because it's true…and you know Jenna told her," she smiled, "and tell me what you're eating now is not better than mom's."

"Children," Carolyn said with a serious tone, "you sound just like when you were ten years old, surely you've matured a bit more since then."

"You always say that Mom…but he's the one…" Kathleen started.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you could always ground them, or what is it people do with kids now…time out, give them a sex time out, that would make them behave," she said and everyone roared with laughter.

"Is this what I can expect," Meredith said, "when we visit, except there'll be five grown kids at the table instead of two?"

"That's pretty accurate," Carolyn said, "not to mention my son in law."

"Yes," Meredith said, "Kevin, I found out that was you."

Kevin laughed, "Kathleen's right, you're a bad liar, and we spoke to Jenna on the way here, so you're still in the dark."

"That is so mean," Meredith said, "just for that, you're not invited back…"

"Here we go," Kathleen mumbled to Mark who was sitting next to her.

"What…" Kevin said, "Shep asked me…and he said I should leave some of my gear here, since we're coming out again before I'll use the stuff at home…"

"Meredith," Kathleen laughed, "welcome to the family…you're going to fit right in at Sunday dinner…and Mom…that's five daughters…four sons…and a son in law," she winked at Carolyn.

"I believe you're right dear," Carolyn said and placed her hand over Meredith's arm, "I'll have a new daughter at the table."

"Grey," Mark drawled, "don't let them fool you…that son in law is a rotating position."

"You know about that," Meredith laughed.

"Yeah…two asses that take turns…just like Jenna must have told you," he said.

"Dude, I don't care who cooked the meal, but this is the best home cooked meal I've had in a long while."

"Thank you Alex," Carolyn said. "I'll take partial credit, since Kathleen got here before I did and started some of the cooking."

"Some of the cooking," Kathleen laughed, "Mom, tell the truth."

"Fine," Carolyn said, "so you started most of it, except Derek's favorite."

"Alex," Lexie asked, "when did Izzie say she'd get here?"

"Not for another hour," Alex said, "she and O'Malley are both in surgery."

"It's too bad," Kathleen said, "that George couldn't make it, he's the one we haven't had a lot of time to visit with."

"Well, you will when you visit again," Meredith smiled, "who knows…I may even be the one cooking that meal."

"What…" a chorus echoed through the table.

"I'm not that bad," Meredith argued. "Derek...tell them."

"Uh…"

"Derek…" Meredith smacked him. "I've been cooking."

"She has," he smiled at her, "best scrambled eggs in the world…and toast…"

"You ass," she laughed, "sorry Mom…" she said so effortlessly, Derek's smiled could have lit the room.

"I've heard worse dear," Carolyn said.

"In any case," Meredith said, "Kat you'll spend more time with George next time."

"Uhmm…" Carolyn mumbled, without even realizing she'd done so.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "did you say something?"

"No dear," she said, her smile never quite reaching her eyes.

"I think we have one more toast to make," Kevin said, "to all of us being here again."

"With Izzie and George," Meredith commented, and again Kathleen noticed her mother's expression and knew to ask her about her comment later, and when she did, while they were in the kitchen getting dessert, she'd simply said, "just a feeling dear…not sure all of Meredith's friends will be here."

"Mom…" Kathleen would say to her. "What are you thinking?"

"You know how it is Kathleen, I can't explain it…but George…when we're back here, at least when you and I are back here together, he won't be joining us."

The evening was a true family celebration, where Meredith for the first time in her life looked forward to the day she'd meet the rest of Derek's family and even the possibility of enjoying the inevitable sibling arguments over the traditional Sunday meal. Tonight every one at the dinner table had enjoyed a partial glimpse of the future, and the extended family who would gather again in celebration.

"Kevin," Meredith said as their evening meal came to an end and everyone began to help clean up,"you know I was teasing…you're welcome here anytime."

"I know," he smiled, and hugged her. "I'm used to it. Remember five brothers and sisters plus the Shepherd clan."

"Just in case I haven't said it," Meredith said to him, "thank you…for not pressuring Kathleen to go home last time…it meant a lot to me…to us…"

"No thanks are necessary," he said, and kissed her cheek, "that's what family is all about."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "are you flirting with my husband?"

"Yes," Meredith said with a deadpan expression.

"Mer," Kathleen smiled and walked up to them, "you know we've been teasing…we always do this…drives Mom crazy."

"Yes," Meredith smiled, "that's exactly what we were talking about."

"Speaking of flirting," Kathleen said. "Have you noticed…"

"Yes," Meredith laughed, "Mark's being very quiet around Lexie…"

"But, only when we're around, if we're not looking," Kathleen said, "he's very attentive…leaning in to talk to her…secrets and smiles…"

"She has no clue," Kevin said, "and you should both stay out of it."

"Oh, be quiet," both women said simultaneously and started laughing as they realized it.

"I'm telling you," Kevin said, "they are both oblivious to what's happening."

"And you would know this," Kathleen said, "because…"

"Honey, you've had me wrapped around your little finger my entire life…"

"Your point Kevin," Kathleen said as she raised an eyebrow at him, much like her mother would do.

"He's not going to know what hit him…" Kevin laughed.

"Are you saying," Kathleen taunted, "that you have regrets…"

Kevin leaned in and kissed her, "I'm saying…it was love at first sight for us, and it's not that way for everyone, so stop meddling. It will happen…if it's meant to happen in their own good time."

"You two met and it was love at first sight," Izzie said as she overheard that part of the conversation, "that's so sweet."

"It was," Carolyn said laughing, "especially sweet, when he would steal his mother's cookies and bring them to her right out of the oven and she couldn't figure out who was taking them."

"That is so cute," Izzie said, "were you high school sweethearts?"

"More like nursery school," Mark laughed, and they went on to explain how they'd met.

They had all ended up scattered throughout the living room, and Derek and Meredith where sharing one of the big arm chairs, "hey," he whispered, "where are you?"

"What," she said, realizing he was right, she'd become lost in the scene before her.

"You're a million miles away," Derek said as he kissed her temple.

"Not really," she turned to him, "just thinking how lucky I am."

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek," she said quietly, a private moment between them amongst all the banter and laughing around them. "This is the first time I can ever remember when this living room truly feels homey…it's a good feeling…"

"I love you," he whispered.

"Me too," she whispered back as he wrapped his arms tighter around her waist and she rested her head on his shoulder.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "have you warned the family back east about the endless mcdreamied episodes…"

"Yes dear," Carolyn smiled and her heart filled with joy as she glanced over at Meredith and Derek. The conversation with her son had been gut-wrenching, but as she watched them, she knew with absolute certainty the two of them would survive any of life's unexpected curve balls. "I've also told them earplugs are a wonderful investment."

"Mom…" some would say, Derek whined.

"It's true dear," Carolyn commented, "weren't you glad when Meredith told you I had them with me earlier?"

"Oh God," Derek mumbled.

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, and Meredith placed a hand over her mouth to keep from laughing, "you are determined to embarrass him…and make sure everyone knows he's become a prude."

"No dear, I'm determined that he realize I'm not a prude."

"That's been made perfectly clear," Derek mumbled again.

"Especially," Kathleen said, "when we made reservations for you at..." she paused, "oh crap…Mer…sorry."

"He knows," Meredith said, "I told him last night."

"Grey," Mark said, "not nice to keep secrets."

"It's not a secret," Kevin laughed, "just that Mom purposely misled the innkeeper in Friday Harbor letting her think she was booking a romantic weekend..."

"Friday Harbor," Lexie said, "has some nice bed & breakfasts, there was even one that's mentioned in Martha Stewart's weddings…"

"That's the one," Meredith said.

"You were looking at wedding magazines?" Derek asked incredulously.

"No," Meredith said, "Izzie was, she told me, and it was also in Travel and Leisure."

"Lexie," Mark smirked, "are you keeping a secret yourself?"

"About what," she said.

"Wedding magazines, maybe there is a boyfriend we don't know about," Mark said.

"Right," Lexie laughed, "as though any of this group can keep a secret, not to mention the gossip mill at the hospital."

"You didn't really answer the question," Mark commented with a scowl.

"No boyfriend," she said, and four women exchanged glances as they saw his smile. "Remember… photographic memory, I actually came across a mention of it in a travel magazine.

"Speaking of weddings," Carolyn said, "don't think I forgot, tonight you were supposed to show us your wedding video after dinner."

"That's right Mer," Izzie said, "you've only let us see the photos and have been making us wait till Carolyn visited."

"Talk about being mcdreamied," Cristina said, "though I do admit…it was a beautiful wedding," she smiled at her friend and Derek raised an eyebrow at her, the truce remained, and they in fact enjoyed the thirty minute edited video of their wedding and reception.

"That was beautiful," Kathleen said, "even more so having been there."

"It was," Carolyn agreed, "but don't think for one minute your sisters are going to agree to see the edited version. When you come home, you need to bring the full video as they will want to enjoy the entire experience with you all over again," she said and Derek and Meredith nodded their agreement and soon everyone called it a night.

"Mom," Kathleen said as they walked around the deck on the ferry back to Bainbridge, "what were you thinking, when we spoke of everyone getting together again, here in Seattle?"

"Nothing in particular," Carolyn responded.

"Mom," Kevin said, "she's not going to let up till you tell her, and if you don't tell her, she's going to drive me insane on the way to Fiji…"

"That's not very nice Kevin," Kathleen smacked him playfully.

"You know it's true, so let's get it out of the way…Mom…please," he said.

"You know dear, when you get those feelings…" Carolyn said.

"I know Mom, that's why I'm asking, you implied you didn't think everyone would be there, and I don't want to worry about what that could mean till…"

"Their friend, George," Carolyn said, "I just don't sense he'll be there…odd…"

"I think you're right," Kathleen said, "it seemed that when we were talking, being together with the group again…was just those that were present," Kathleen paused, "but what was really odd is that Izzie wasn't there either…who knows," she laughed, "maybe they'll be a couple and move away."

Neither woman was aware that they in fact were right about the future, George would not be joining them the next time they were together in Seattle.

"But," Carolyn smiled, "the good thing is…I'm almost certain…almost…"

"God help him," Kevin laughed.

"Kevin dear," Carolyn said, "I'd think you of all people would be more of a romantic at heart."

"I am Mom," he hugged her. "Ask your favorite daughter," he said and all three laughed.

"My favorite daughter," Carolyn said and smiled, "just don't let Jenna hear you."

Kevin roared laughing, "Mom, how many times do you use that with each of the girls?"

"You should know by now," she smiled, "every time I need to, and speaking of which, you all better stop teasing Meredith about the son in law."

"Teasing," Kevin said, "you know that one in particular is an ass."

"Yes dear, but even I have to pretend sometimes…for that favorite daughter's sake."

"I love you Mom," Kathleen said.

"So do I sweetheart…I love you both…" she said, "and don't ever forget…what I said Kathleen, you were our first…and your father…you were our first little miracle."

Long after their friends and family had gone home, Meredith lay in bed, her head resting on his chest after they'd made love, "Derek," she said, "did you really like your gift?"

"I loved it," he smiled as he lifted her chin and kissed her lips softly, "but I'm sorry I didn't get anything for you…last month you said we were not going to be one of those sappy sentimental couples that got gifts every month…for their anniversary."

"I know," she said, "but you got me flowers anyway, and you're always doing things for me…so I wanted to do this for you…for us," she smiled trailing kisses across his chest, "and it's for the only weekend we have off together in July."

"I can't believe," Derek chuckled, "that Mom told the innkeeper the room was for her, Mer…she never ever talked about sex with us growing up."

"She's wonderful," Meredith said, "Derek…I'm so grateful she's in my life…it's like I was given another chance…I mean…I think she really means it when she says I'm her daughter."

"Of course she does," he assured her. "Mer…she loves you…"

"I love her too," Meredith said, "I told her that."

"You did…" he smiled.

"I do…it's odd and weird, and I never expected these feelings…but I want to be that girl Mom's like Derek…and she likes me…and it feels real…and so good…that she doesn't hate me…with all that's happened."

"She was more on your side than mine," he admitted, and got quiet, "don't doubt it."

"Hey," Meredith said, properly gauging the sudden change of mood. "Talk to me."

He took a deep breath, "uhmmm…"

"Yes…"

"Very emotional day today," he told her.

"It was," she said, and kissed him softly. "But it was good; right…look how it turned out."

"Yes," he agreed, as he looked at her, "it was good," and embraced her, "very good."

"Derek…" she said poignantly, "thank you…"

"For what…"

"Our family…a mom…in spite of all my dark and twisty…still loving me…"

"It's more than that Meredith," he said tenderly, "I adore you…"

"So do I Derek…" she said, and tears gathered in her eyes, "and just like you told your Mom…you and I…no doubts…we're in this…we've promised…"

"We are," he said, "a lifetime…"

"I love you," she said and kissed him, and tenderness turned to passion.

"Mer," he said breathlessly as he pulled her on top of him, their naked bodies pressed intimately together, "want to go again?"


	191. Chapter 191

_I've not had a chance to respond to each of you individually for a while, but please know how very much it is appreciated when you comment. They truly are what have kept me inspired to finish telling this story as I originally envisioned. _

_Now, if you're bored with this, please do let me know, because, though I will complete this story, I won't worry so much that nobody comments, nor about spending a full day of my weekend (yes, 6 to 10,000 words per update can take a full day of planning, thinking, editing, reading over old chapters making sure there's no lose ends) writing hoping that it can live up to your expectations.. Warm regards, Jasmin._

**Ch 183 – Unexpected revelations – Pt 2**

The last Sunday in June dawned unusually warm as Seattle experienced temperatures in the low nineties. Meredith stretched and immediately became alert by Derek's absence; normally she'd be wrapped up in his arms as she came awake. Turning toward his side she frowned when she realized it was barely five, and they'd been up into the early hours of the day, so she went in search of her husband and found him on the phone in the den.

Derek looked up to meet her gaze and smiled as she walked up to him, tousled hair and sleepy eyes, and he pulled her down on his lap, and continued talking for several minutes as he placed his arm around her and she snuggled up to him.

"What are you doing up?" he asked after kissing her lips softly.

"You were gone," she said and kissed him back, "what's going on?"

"Phone consult," he explained in detail, "Nelson wanted a second opinion. We're going to monitor the patient for twenty four hours and evaluate if surgery's needed or not."

"So…" she smiled and wrapped her arms around his neck, "you don't have to go in…and it's barely the crack of dawn…and there's nobody in the house…"

"There's nobody in the house?" he raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Just you and me…" she said, "Alex and Izzie just walked out, they got paged."

"Uhmmm…" he teased, "this would be a good time to teach you how to cook breakfast, other than scrambled eggs that is…you have perfected that."

"That's a great idea," Meredith smiled seductively, "maybe you can give me step by step instructions and then…"

She wasn't able to finish her sentence as his mouth captured hers, "step by step," he said, as his hands found his way under her shirt, "I fully intend to," he whispered in her ear and their laughter filled the room when he said, "or…just enjoy …no noise controls…"

It was Derek's turn later that morning to find his wife's spot empty, but before he even got out of bed, Meredith walked in their bedroom carrying a tray, wearing some flimsy negligee he'd never see before.

"What are you wearing," he perused her body, "or rather not wearing."

"This old thing," she giggled, "your sister's idea."

"Which one?"

"Jenna," she said, "she likes red it seems."

"Uhmmm…" he teased, "my cooking lessons paid off…"

"Absolutely," she said, as she placed the tray on the bed, "especially the part about how to make sure there's the right amount of…"

Derek leaned back against the headboard, "cereal and milk combination," he teased, "that's very important."

"It is," she told him, "can't have you thinking your wife can't cook," she tried not to laugh, but her resolve was gone when he put the tray on the nightstand and reached for her.

"I think," he said and brushed her lips, "my wife knows exactly how to cook…and especially how to turn up the heat…"

"You think…" she said as he pulled her closer and she straddled his naked body.

"Oh…" he moaned, "I have no doubts…and Mer…I like red on you," and his tongue playfully found hers, and began the age old mating dance that led two lovers, fated to be together for a lifetime, to the most intimate physical and emotional merging of body and soul.

"Mer, are you awake?"

"Why…" she mumbled as she snuggled into him.

"We have a lot to do today and it's getting late…we should get to the trailer…"

"Late," she protested and looked at the clock, "it's not even eight thirty and we haven't slept…and your mom emailed, she didn't want to call but said she knew I'd look at my blackberry," and pressed her body into his. "Meeting us after 11, they're going to mass at ten. I'd never even noticed the church she mentioned."

"When…" he said as he turned her to face him and kissed her.

"Mass…" she repeated, "at ten…Derek…are you," she emphasized you, "awake?"

"I meant," he nibbled her lips, "when did she email?"

"Not even seven, right before I went to the kitchen to fix you breakfast," she giggled.

"Oh yes," he said, "breakfast…"

"Any complaints…."

"None…it was my all time favorite…"

"It hope so…" she giggled.

"Uhmmm…my wife…for breakfast," he said as their lips met once again.

"Derek," she laughed, "I'm really hungry now…"

"Mer…you keep forgetting…I'm old…"

"My insatiable beast," she teased him, "I haven't seen any signs of age…at all…"

"Mer…"

"Uhmm…"

"Cereal that's drenched in milk for hours is not too appetizing," he said and they both started laughing at the long ago forgotten breakfast.

"Come on Shepherd," she told him, "since you're not going to let me sleep, I'm going to fix you a proper breakfast."

"You are…"

"Uh huh…" she smiled as she brushed his lips before slipping out of his embrace, "muesli, fruits…juice…and coffee…"

He got out of bed and followed her, hugging her to him, "Mer…"

"Yes…."

"I hope you won't ever stop making breakfast for me…the earlier kind…"

"Count on it," she laughed, and on that note their morning began before making their way to their land.

"Mer," Derek said suddenly while he sat across from her eating cereal and fruit, "how long before you're ready?"

"What's going on?" she asked as she looked at him and saw his expression.

"Can you be ready in fifteen minutes?"

"Why…what's the rush?"

"I just realized something…you don't have to go along with it…you don't have to come with me…but it would mean a lot to Mom…"

"What is it," she asked softly, and she smiled at him tenderly when he answered. "I'll come with you," she said, moved by the thoughtfulness and deep sense of love of family, this man that loved her, had expressed to her, "if you want me to."

Derek followed the ritual, one he'd not participated in so long he couldn't even remember the last time, from the back of the church, but when he heard the priest say, "Let us pray with confidence in the words our …" he knew where he wanted, needed to be at the end of the old familiar prayer, and he reached for Meredith's hand and walked to stand behind his mother, and he too repeated the words to the prayer taught long ago.

Meredith never let go of his hand, until he did, just as she heard, "let us offer each other a sign of peace," and she witnessed the unfamiliar ritual, Kathleen and Kevin exchanged a quick kiss on the cheek, as they did with her mother, and they shook hands with the people that had turned around in the pew in front of them, and then, Derek touched his mother's shoulder lightly and Meredith saw the look of surprise and happiness in his mother's face, as he reached out embraced her and she heard him repeat the words everyone else had, in a matter of seconds, to each other, "peace be with you," while Kevin and Kathleen extended their hands to her, "peace be with you Meredith."

Then, quickly before the priest continued with the rest of the mass, Carolyn turned to Meredith and embraced her, "peace be with you, Meredith," and in response Meredith said softly, "peace be with you, Mom."

Derek heard Meredith, and at that moment wasn't sure how it was possible to feel so many different emotions at the same time, and simply and silently looked up to the altar where the focus was only a crucifix and said thank you for all the blessings in his life, and reached for Meredith's hand.

Meredith felt an immense sense of peace, as she too said a silent thank you for those simple words, peace be with you, and somehow at that moment she knew, that the two women in her life who would share the title of Mom, indeed had peace in their hearts.

Carolyn Shepherd continued to follow the familiar mass ritual, and whereas before she'd shared that moment of peace offering with Derek and Meredith, she'd felt she was not worthy to approach and receive communion on this day, now, as she repeated the age old words, "Lord, I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word, and I shall be healed," she knew her heart was healed, and she was able to put the past guilt behind her, she knew her Irish and God had forgiven her, long before she had forgiven herself.

"What are you doing here?" Kathleen said, as they walked outside St. Cecilia's.

"It was on our way," Derek said.

"On your way," Kathleen laughed, "to what…the road to hell or guilt?"

"Kathleen," her mother warned.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "I know he has not been to church in a very long time."

"He's here now," Carolyn said, "that's enough," she said simply, and her tone told Kathleen to leave it alone. But not without wondering how it was related to the conversation between Meredith and Carolyn in the kitchen the evening before. Whatever the reasons for Derek showing up, she could feel had brought Carolyn, Derek and Meredith a sense of peace she had not seen before.

"Meredith dear," Carolyn said after they'd arrived at their land, "can I help with anything?"

"I wouldn't know," Meredith told her, "Derek's taking care of everything."

"You know Mer," Kathleen said, as she sat down on the couch in the trailer, "I've been thinking…"

"About what?" Meredith asked.

"I think you're putting us on," she smiled, "about not cooking."

Carolyn choked on the coffee she had just sipped. She'd had Meredith's help in the kitchen.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "are you ok?"

"Yes dear," she said as she brought a napkin to her lips.

"Carolyn," Meredith teased her, "tell us what you really think about my cooking skills."

"I'm going to teach you how to cook next time I'm here," Carolyn replied, "even…if I have to start by teaching you the basics of beat, stir, whip, marinate…"

"Mom," Kathleen said, "are you planning on moving out here?"

"Why dear," she smiled knowing exactly what her daughter meant.

"I hear, it may take a miracle…and that could be several months…"

"Kathleen," Meredith played right along with them, "if…she can't get it right the next visit," she smiled at her mother in law, "she'll be back often enough."

"Yes, I will…" Carolyn said, "and within ten years," she quipped, "she'll be the one cooking dinner for all of you."

"Ten years," Kathleen and Meredith burst out laughing, and continued their friendly banter until they heard quibbling outside.

"What in the world," Carolyn said as they left the comfort of the air conditioned trailer, "I should have known, Mark what are you arguing about?"

"Nothing," Mark said. "Why do I always get blamed for everything?"

"You're kidding," Derek said, "right?"

"Just cause you found out about Hopper," Mark said.

"They're grown men," Cristina said, "and they're arguing about a frog from thirty years ago? He didn't push start."

"Dear," Carolyn said, "one thing you'll learn…they never grow up…ever…"

"That's what I have to look forward to," Cristina smirked. "Mama Shep, see…why I won't ever fall head over heels like you think."

"Yes, dear…I do see," she said and exchanged glances with Meredith and Kathleen.

"Lexie, want to tell us what you three were arguing about," Meredith interrupted.

"We weren't arguing," Lexie said.

"Oh no," Cristina commented, "just shouting at each other."

"We were not," Mark told her, "we disagreed and you had to add your two cents."

"Hey," Cristina said, "I'm right."

"What is going on," Meredith insisted, "and why are the three of you here…together?"

"Saving gas Mer," Cristina said as though it was the most logical answer in the world.

"Saving gas?" Kathleen questioned.

"Yeah," Cristina said, "environmentally conscious. Why drive three cars here when..."

"You drive a motorcycle," Meredith interrupted her.

"It still uses tons of fuel," Cristina said, "maybe I'll even get a hybrid motorcycle."

"Mer," Lexie spoke, "they have been arguing about whether to set up the kiddie pool or keep it in the car."

"Kiddie pool," Meredith repeated and looked at all three of them as though they'd grown an extra head, and at that moment Derek and Kevin joined them.

"What's going on?" Derek asked.

"Call for a psyche consult," Meredith said, "they bought…brought a kiddie pool."

"Huh?" Derek said.

"What's the big deal," Mark said, "we were driving…we saw it, there's kids coming, and I don't see you being able to provide entertainment with the half million bottles of bubbles as you did last time," he quipped.

Meredith scowled at him, "they liked the bubbles."

"They'll like the bubbles even more if they can sit in and splash water at each other, haven't you noticed it's ninety degrees?" Mark said.

"Mer," Cristina said, "aren't you going to say something."

"It's rather disturbing," Meredith said, "the three of you, carpooling…buying kiddie pools."

"I think they got used to each other," Kevin said, "after traveling to your wedding together," he winked at Kathleen, "and probably won't admit they actually enjoy each other's company."

"I enjoy their company," Lexie said, "I mean…not when they're arguing…or at the hospital when Cristina is hard ass…hard core…and Mark's a manwhore…but other than that, it works," she rambled.

"Mer," Cristina said, "do something…please…her rambles are twice as bad as yours."

"Ok," Mark said, "I think we should set it up and fill it with water."

"Absolutely not," Kathleen said, "you can't do that without asking their parents. The kids will see it and expect to get in it, and will be very disappointed if…"

"So," Carolyn interrupted, "you bring a kiddy pool, without telling their parents and expect three kids to run around naked in an inflatable pool?"

"They're just kids," Mark said, "but we also…"

"Why," Meredith interrupted him as well, "exactly is it you bought this?"

"Grey," Mark said, "it's hot, it's summer, you're in the middle of the woods, it's boring with a shitload of adults here, kids need something to be entertained and have fun."

"We saw this pool store on the way here, and they had kiddy pools outside," Cristina said, "and Sloane, being the biggest kid of all couldn't resist and stopped to get one," she actually smiled, "said it was just like one he got for Mama Shep's grandkids one time."

"You got the whale pool?" Kathleen exclaimed.

"Yeah," Mark said sheepishly, "kids loved it Kat, remember…"

"The did," Kathleen laughed, "especially the spray from the whale blowhole," she said as they reminisced, "and Nancy was furious because she didn't know and got soaked when she went to get one of the kids out, and she was about seven months pregnant," they both laughed, "and furious she couldn't run after you and hose you down."

"Then," Cristina said, "we had to stop and buy bathing suits Mer, cause the kids, according to Lexie couldn't just run around naked so they'd need bathing suits to play in the pool."

"Cristina," Lexie said, "you're the one that insisted …"

"I only said we should not have little people running around naked…"

"You did buy them," Lexie laughed.

"All I really want to know," Meredith said, "is who the hell are you two? Where's the manwhore and the sarcastic hard ass…"

"What about her," Cristina said pointing to Lexie.

"What about her," Meredith replied, "she's acting in character, you're not," she said, and everybody laughed.

"Fine," Mark said, "mystery's about to be solved, here come the parents," he referred to the two cars approaching.

Everything had been already set up for the barbeque, while Meredith had anticipated and brought out bubbles and Kelly's toys for her to play, sure the little girl would engage Tuck somehow.

Carolyn and Kathleen watched the scene unfold before them and smiled as they saw a little girl race toward her destination as soon as she was put down on the ground by her father.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said as she ran to Meredith and was quickly enfolded in her arms, "we gotted you flowers," she said, wrapping her legs around Meredith's waist, "Daddy has them."

"You're bringing my wife flowers," Derek joked, as John and Colleen approached, "it's a good thing I'm not jealous, or…"

"He'd be jealous," Colleen laughed, "Meredith, don't let him fool you."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly giggled, "you're so silly…Daddy didn't brought Dr. Mewedith flowers, I did…but he had to pay for them."

"That's ok," Derek smiled, "I guess, do you want to go put then in water?"

"Oh yes," she reached out to him and the minute he had her, hugged him, "in the twailer…in the pwetty glass you gotted Dr. Mewedith."

"She doesn't forget a thing," Derek laughed, "does she?"

"Nothing," Colleen said, "an ever present challenge."

"Hi," Sean who'd been looking all around him said as he reached to grab Meredith's hair, and then when he saw his sister moving away from them was not too happy, "hi, li..Li..."

"You want to say hi to your sister," Meredith smiled at him, but he extended his arms to her, and she took him from Colleen.

"Hi is equal to bye," Colleen told her, "to him, his Li's walking way…and he doesn't want her to."

"Sean," Meredith hugged him, "we can go see Kelly…" and followed Derek to the trailer while talking to the baby and making him giggle.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "it's amazing…how they've changed…the first day I was here, well, I knew they loved each other, but so much was going on…and to see her, like this, with two kids…and Derek…they're going to make it…they really are."

"They are," his mother said, "and she's going to be a wonderful mother one day."

"Did you talk to Nancy," Kathleen said, "start the ball rolling on the shower date…"

"I have hinted at a date, and don't you worry, we will make sure it cannot under any circumstances coincide with Meredith's visit."

"I'm surprised," Kathleen said, "that she's so good with the kids, that it doesn't seem to upset her, but having to deal with Jenna's pregnancy…right around what could have been her own due date, I don't want her to go through that."

"She won't," Carolyn smiled at her daughter.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "you ok?"

"I am sweetheart…it's been a very emotional week…but I'm ok."

"You'd talk to me…I'm here, if you need me…you know that…" Kathleen told her.

"I would…and I will," she smiled at her daughter. "I love you Kathleen."

"I love you too Mom," she said.

"Now, look at those three…" she laughed, "I can't believe they are acting like kids themselves, especially Cristina who acts so detached all the time."

"I think," Kathleen said, "you're a good influence…seems none of them have really had that kind of mother role…Lexie did, but Mark…Cristina…Meredith…"

"New kids," Carolyn smiled, "for me."

"New family…" Kathleen agreed. "Mom, you really think Mark and Lexie…"

"Absolutely…" Carolyn said. "Look at him. He really enjoys being with her."

"Meredith is right Mom, he is a lot older."

"Chronologically only dear. He's still a kid; emotionally he never grew up or rather hasn't kept up with the rest of you that went on to have committed relationships."

"Looks like they got approval from both sets of parents," Kevin commented as he approached them. "Remember Kat, when he got that pool for our kids, as much as he protests, he ended up having as much fun as they did."

Derek and Meredith exited the trailer with both kids and walked over to his Mom and Kathleen. "Mom, there's a very special young lady I want you to meet," and Kathleen got up and had Meredith sit down with Sean while Derek brought Kelly to his Mom's level.

"You mean Kelly," Carolyn smiled.

"You know my name," Kelly's eyes were wide open.

"Oh yes, because you must be the little girl that drew that beautiful picture on the refrigerator for my son."

"Dr. Shep is your son…but he's not a little kid…he's old…"

Carolyn laughed, "he's old now sweetie, but a long time ago he was a little boy just like your brother…" she smiled softly as she looked over to Meredith and the little boy she cuddled.

"My Granma," Kelly told her, "she says my Daddy was a little boy too…but that's so silly…cause Daddy and Dr. Shep…they're both tall and old…"

"You know Kelly," Carolyn said with the patience afforded by fourteen grandchildren, "one day, you're going to grow up just like your Grandma and your Mommy and Meredith…and you'll remember all the good times you had when you were a little girl."

Kelly looked at her in deep thought, "do you mean…that my Nana Maggie and Paddy…and Granma and Granpa…and you…were babies?"

"Yes, sweetie," Carolyn smiled, "we were…and we grew up…and became mommies and daddies…and …"

"And then, you gotted really old," Kelly said and Carolyn laughed, "yes, we did."

"What has she said now," Colleen and John walked up to them, and couldn't help but be amused and horrified at the little girl's candidness.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said as she just noticed Tuck in the distance, "I got to go…look, Tuck is here…Mommy…can I go…please…"

"Yes Kelly," Colleen said, "you can go."

"Tuck," the little girl ran over to meet up with her friend who was enthralled with the water being poured into the now inflated kiddy pool, "I missed you," she said and hugged him. "We can play in the water," she said and the little boy just laughed.

"Hello Kelly," Miranda said, "you look very pretty today."

"Dr. B…we can go in the water…right…you let Tuck play in the water?"

"Yes, but a little later…not right now," she said, just as Derek and Meredith approached.

"Miranda," Derek said, "I see you have trusted him more than me…Tucker, good you could join us," he said extending his hand to her husband.

"Great piece of land," her husband said.

"What are you talking about Shepherd?" Miranda said.

"You trust him with your son in a pool and you wouldn't let me teach him to …"

"Do not mention that word," Miranda stopped him, "and I'm not trusting him, I'm right here."

"All I was going to say is …"

"F I S H…" she said, don't repeat it, "I'm hoping he'll forget," and just then Tuck turned around to look at Derek and held his arms up to him.

"Ish…water…ish…"

"Oh God," Miranda said, "he is never going to forget."

"Miranda," her husband said, "wouldn't it be easier if you just let him play with it…"

"Fine," she said, "go get it, but Shepherd, so help me if my son falls in the lake."

Derek and Meredith were confused for a second until the saw Tucker return from the car holding the small fishing pole they'd bought for Tuck during their trip.

"Ish," Tuck clapped his has hands and reached for the pole, then looked at Derek, "ish…"

"Yes," Derek laughed, "I'll teach you to fish…"

"Dr. Shep," Kelly interrupted, "I wanna fish too…"

"You do…" Derek said, "Well…let's see what we can do about that…"

"Fish trumps whale…" Mark said disgruntled.

"Don't worry Mark," Meredith told him, "there's plenty of time for both," and sure enough the next several hours had the kids involved in a mellow version of fishing, where Kevin actually caught the fish and threw them back in after Kelly was heartbroken they would die, and after that incident, the kids, all three little people as Cristina said, and the rest of the bigger ones, enjoyed watching the Kelly, Sean and Tuck in the small pool where the _three kids_, as Kevin dubbed them had as much fun as the smaller versions of adults.

"I think" Miranda said as she watched her son rub his eyes, "it's time for us to head back…this little one's ready for his N A P…"

"Dr. Bailey," Kelly told her, "that's silly…I can spell…it's nap," to which tuck promptly responded, "no nap…"

"Sorry, Dr. Bailey," Colleen told her.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "you can put him down inside…if you'd like, we made sure the bed is made for them."

"Thank you Meredith, I may try that, because if not, we're going to have one cranky baby on the way home. How about," Miranda said to Kelly, "if I read you a story…"

"Which one?" Kelly asked, not sure she liked where this was heading. Reading stories meant nap time for her sometimes.

"You know what may be better," Miranda said, "what if I tell you a story?"

"Like my Nana Maggie," Kelly said, "she's got lots of stories of fairies from where she was born…Mommy…what's the place…"

"Ireland," Colleen reminded her.

"You're Dr. Shep's mommy…" Kelly turned to Carolyn, "are you a nana…and granma too?"

"I am, and I have fourteen grandchildren…"

"That's a lot," she turned to her father, "Daddy…that's more than two hands," she said as her father beamed with pride.

"Do you know any fairy stories," she asked Carolyn.

"I do…would you like me to tell you one?"

"I've gots stories too," Kelly spoke directly to Carolyn, and then whispered, "and angel stories…"

"You do," Carolyn smiled at her, "will you tell me?"

"Yes," she whispered, "but it's a secret…I can only tell Dr. Mewedith…and Dr. Shep…"

"You know Kelly, you should tell your Mommy all your secrets," Carolyn said, reflecting on the conversation she'd had with her parents the day before.

"Mommy and Daddy know…and my Granma too…but I can't tells everybody…"

"That's ok," Carolyn said, "as long as you tell your Mommy and Daddy."

"I tells my Mommy and Daddy everything…"

"I'm very proud of you, that you tell your Mommy and Daddy everything," Carolyn told her.

"Dr. Shep's mommy," Kelly looked at her intensely, "I think I can tells you too," and then she walked away with Miranda Bailey and indeed took a very short nap, as her brother napped in his portable bed a few feet away from his parents outdoors. The rest of the adults continued to enjoy each other's company, and if fate could speak it would share with them the knowledge that the group now gathered on this land, the place where Meredith and Derek would share countless magical moments in their lifetime, would return for many future joyous celebrations.

In the hours spent together, Derek and Meredith would both make the time to spend with Kathleen, a small walk along their land, where each expressed their gratitude for her support and the ties that bind continued to strengthen.

"We hate to leave," Kevin said as four o'clock approached, "but…we've got a plane to catch…and beautiful beaches await us."

"Oh my God," Meredith said, "time's just flown by…everyone, you can stay…but we have to drive them to the airport."

"No," Kevin said, "you stay and enjoy the rest of the day here, it's not often you get such great weather in Seattle."

"You've got that right," Mark laughed, "I still hate the rain."

"I'm sure you could enjoy it, if you weren't so set on hating it," Lexie said quietly and leaned into him, "you've no romance in you Mark."

"I do to…" he protested, "you can't say that…" and she just shrugged.

With the exception of Lexie, the women, all very keen observants, exchanged knowing glances, albeit one skeptical. Fate smiled down upon them, the winds of change were upon them, and the course was set for future family ties brought on by the short existence of a beautiful angel, a course that would be forever woven into that imaginary tapestry of the lives of two lovers destined to be together for a lifetime and beyond.

"We have to drive you to the airport," Meredith said again.

"No, you don't," Kevin told her, "we're going to leave Derek's car at the ferry and you can get it later, you enjoy the rest of the day here."

"But," Meredith protested again.

"Mer," Kathleen came up to her, "he's right…you stay…it's silly to take us and have to come back…and we'll see you again soon. Besides, we have long hours of travel ahead of us, so we're going to get to the Inn and shower and change before we leave."

"I'm going to miss you," Meredith said, "and you do ramble."

"So am I," Kathleen smiled, "and I learned it from you," she said as they both laughed.

"Oh…wait," Meredith said, "I can't believe we forgot and you're almost gone, we'll mail it so you don't have to carry it with you now, but we've something for you, a small token from our wedding."

"Mer," Derek put his hands on her shoulders, "I'll get it."

"You'll wake the kids," she said, "I can't believe…we waited all this time, and now…"

"Don't worry about waking the kids," Colleen said, as she saw the two little ones standing at the trailer door.

"Mommy…" Kelly said, "can you open the door?"

Derek was closest and went to open the door and carried both kids to their parents.

"Kathleen," Meredith said when she came out of the trailer holding a small flat gift box, "it's not a big deal…but, we thought you'd like to have this."

"Meredith," Kathleen smiled as she saw the gift, "it's perfect," she said and turned to hug her sister in law and then her brother, "thank you…for this…and for sharing that day with us," both became sentimental as Kathleen admired the beautiful two tone handmade Italian wooden frame that perfectly matched the color of Meredith's wedding dress and Derek's tie, and displayed a photograph of the two couples at the reception on Meredith and Derek's wedding day in Venice.

The same gift, though different photos, would be shared before the evening was out with each of their family members that had attended the wedding, and as the years went by, each would fondly recall the image of the wedding day Meredith and Derek had chosen to share with them individually, and more so, would become sentimental over the very poignant inscriptions they would later discover.

The late afternoon hour was suddenly upon them and Miranda and her husband were the first to leave, followed by the Mulligan's, but not before a very special moment took place between Kelly and the Shepherds.

Carolyn had been holding Sean, who was a very easy going baby, when his mother took him and the little boy sensed it was time to leave, so he voiced his opinion, "no."

"No…" Meredith said, "Colleen, he said no, that's a new word."

"He started with that this week, but just like hi, it can mean just about anything," Colleen told her and in fact the baby repeated it, and reached for Meredith's hair. "In this case, I think he wants you to hold him."

"Hi," Sean said and grinned revealing two teeth along with the inevitable drooling, "no."

"Hi yourself," Meredith held him, "you don't want to leave do you?"

"No," he grinned, and she laughed as he reached for Derek's hair and pulled.

"Mommy," Kelly said, "can I tell my angel story to Dr. Shep's mommy?"

"Sure you can," Colleen said, "you can do that while Daddy and I put everything in the car."

The _three kids (Mark, Lexie and Cristina as dubbed by Kevin)_ had gone for a walk, and Kelly went to sit with Carolyn, while Derek sat next to Meredith and put his arm around her as Sean put his thumb in his mouth, lay his head on her shoulder and closed his eyes.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said in what she considered a whisper, "I've gots a secret…and my friend Bwianna," Carolyn took a deep breath, "she got in twouble with her grandma and grandpa last night."

"She did," Meredith asked, "when did she tell you that?"

"Last night…no," she paused as though trying to figure something out, "one night before last night, I gots to sleep at my granma and granpa's house, and I gots to stay up really late…cause I woke up and had to tell them my dream…and we was sitting outside…and we see showers of stars…that's what my granpa told me."

"You're right," Derek said, "we got to see it too…and it looked like a shower of stars."

"That's what my granpa said," she said smiling, "cause he's real smart."

"Then what happened," Carolyn prompted.

"I had this dream," Kelly leaned in to Carolyn, "and I talked to Bwianna, she's my angel friend…and she gets in trouble if she doesn't pay attention to her granma and granpa and she was playing last night…and she told me…Kelly…look at the stars…and if you see them moving in the sky that's me saying hello to you…and her grandma and grandpa hey told her not to play like that, but then she tolds me that her granpa sent a special star to her granma here…cause he's been away a long long time…and then," she opened her eyes in awe of the story, "her grandma…she did the same thing, cause she wanted Bwianna's mommy," she explained, "to know she really loved her…and Bwianna, she was not a good girl," Kelly giggled, "she's a girl…but she's an angel now, cause she did not listen, and she said it was a secret but…there was two special stars for her mommy and daddy…and she tolds me to tell Dr. Mewedith and Dr. Shep…that they was supposed to see the stars too," she finished telling her story, completely unaware, at this time, Brianna's mommy and daddy were deeply touched by her story, but one day, she would indeed make the connection. For now, Brianna's grandmother gave thanks, once more that day, for a most wonderful and spiritual secret.

"She must have talked your ear off," John said as he and Colleen approached.

"She is a beauty," Carolyn said, "a very special little girl."

"Yes, she is," John said, "and we have her with us…completely healed…healthy…and beautiful…thanks to your son…and Meredith," he told her.

The Mulligan's said their corresponding goodbyes, John took the baby from Meredith and Kelly hugged her, "I love you Dr. Mewedith," she put her arms around her.

"I love you too Kelly," Meredith said.

"I love you Dr. Shep," the little girl smiled at him, and he lifted her and kissed her check.

"I love you too princess," Derek said and carried her to the car, as Colleen and Meredith talked for a few more minutes.

Meredith and Derek walked back holding hands and joined his mother.

"Meredith, Derek," Carolyn smiled at them, "that little girl…she is very special."

"She is," Meredith said, "I think…she came into our lives to help…both of us…with the sadness over losing the baby."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn reached for her hand, "I'm certain of it…I can understand and see how much she means to you…and that her friend…" she paused as she became teary eyed, "my granddaughter…she's her angel."

"She is," Meredith squeezed her hand gently, "our baby's her angel," she said as Derek held her closer to him, and all three gave in to the power of healing messages as told by a beautiful and sensitive four year old girl.

"Everyone's gone," Mark said as he joined the three Shepherds, "time for us to get going too…I'm having dinner with Tracy after her shift ends at eight."

"It's barely six," Carolyn said, "and I've hardly had a chance to talk to you and I'm leaving tomorrow, surely you can stay a little longer."

Recognizing the tone of voice, Derek said, "Mark, you know Mom wants to talk to you alone, so we're going to get things cleaned up," he motioned for the others to follow.

"That was suave Shepherd," Cristina mocked.

"It wasn't meant to be, she wants to talk to him."

"And you know that…because…" Cristina questioned.

"She's been my mother for forty years," he told her, "I know things."

"Come on Cris, Lexie, there's not much to be done, just drain that kiddy pool…"

"You're not going to get rid of it are you?" Cristina said, "it wasn't that expensive, maybe forty bucks, and Sloan can afford it, but I think you're addicted to those kids, so you'll need the distraction for them again."

"No," Derek said, ignoring the addiction comment, "we're not going to get rid of it…we'll put it away and hope the raccoon's don't get to it," and the five of them actually had fun dismantling it and cleaning up whatever was still left to be done, including inside the trailer as Carolyn Shepherd attempted to have a serious conversation with Mark.

"Tell me about her," Carolyn said, "where do you think this relationship is going?"

"This is the inquisition," he joked.

"Call it what you want," she looked at him seriously, "but answer my question."

"What exactly do you want to know," he said to the woman that had taken him in and given him the motherly affection he'd craved. No one else would get an answer like that from him.

"Are you serious about her? Do you see this turning into a long term relationship, marriage?"

"You don't think it will," he challenged, "you said as much the other day when I mentioned I could surprise you all and get married."

"I think you'll get married," Carolyn stated.

"But, you don't think Tracy's the one."

"You're not ready," she told him, "neither is she, at least not for you as a couple, maybe you can continue as you are…but I don't get the sense of commitment from either of you, not at this time, but things can change."

"You spent about five minutes with her at the hospital and not even an hour at Joe's, how can you say that…"

"I know you," Carolyn told him, "you're not in love with her…you enjoy being with her, and I'm sure there's affection between you, but neither one of you is love with the other."

"It can happen," Mark protested.

"Of course it can, in fact I'm sure it will, I just don't think she's the one."

"Do you think," he asked and just as when he was a little boy, this woman was allowed to see his vulnerabilities, "there will ever be the one…for me?"

Carolyn got up and sat next to him and hugged him, "I'm sure of it."

"You know I love you," Mark said.

"I know you do," she said and kissed his cheek, "I love you too Mark."

Carolyn and Mark went to join the others, "can we help?" she asked.

"After we're done," Derek teased her, "they show up."

"There's nothing to be done," Meredith said and swatted Derek, "stop being nasty to your mother."

"She knows I'm kidding," he told her.

"Still," she said, "I'm sure she'd prefer if you didn't, right Carolyn?"

"You're right dear," Carolyn said, as she thought of the back and forth with Meredith's use of the word Mom.

"See…" Meredith turned to Derek.

"Yeah…" he said, "I can definitely see she and Kathleen…and the rest of my sisters are becoming completely biased…"

"Here goes," Cristina said, "the first married argument, at least…with us as witnesses."

"We are not fighting," Meredith said, "just one of those countless times, my husband," she emphasized, and he locked gazes with her and knew there was no fight, "is totally brainless."

"Lucky for me," Derek cocked his head and looked at her, their look, "my brain was functioning…when I proposed," he smiled at her, "well," he said remembering what had transpired immediately followed his marry me now, "partially…"

"Mcdreamied," Cristina commented, "full speed ahead, time for us to leave."

"You'd think," Mark taunted, "you'd have some self control."

"You're just jealous," Lexie said, "because," she stopped herself.

"Yes, Xena…" Mark quipped.

"Oh, be quiet…they're entitled…they're still newlyweds," Lexie glared at him and Cristina.

"Now children," Carolyn laughed, "behave."

"We'll drive you back," Mark said, "that way Grey and Derek don't have to."

"Thanks Mark," Derek said, "but we'll drive Mom back, it's still early and we want to spend the rest of the evening with her."

The three friends each shared a special moment with Carolyn Shepherd, as Meredith and Derek sat back on the lounge enjoying being in each other's embrace.

"Carolyn," Lexie said, "it's been great spending time with you…I'm going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too Lexie, and you can expect I'll be back here again, but I'd love for you to visit as well…and know there's always a place for you in my home."

"Thank you," Lexie said as the older woman hugged her, "maybe next time you're here I'll have my own place."

"I think you will," Carolyn smiled, "and I'm really looking forward to my next trip here and visiting your home."

"Carolyn, thank you…for being so wonderful to my sister…she really needed that."

"She's my daughter now," Carolyn told her, "and from now I'm always going to be there for her. And Lexie, remember what I said…you can call me Mom anytime."

"You're a wonderful Mom, thank you…but…"

"I know…I know…but Lexie…I'd be willing to bet, before long…she'll be calling me Mom too, and then I'm sure she won't mind if you do," Carolyn said and they spoke for a few more minutes before one final goodbye hug.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "you're one of a kind."

"Dear," Carolyn smiled, "so are you…and that's a compliment…but, just remember everyone in a while you need a spoonful of sugar."

"Is that your way of telling me to drop bitchy and sarcasm?"

"You could say that," Carolyn laughed and reached out to hug her, "and yes, I'm going to hug you."

"It was great to see you again," Cristina told her, "and she's really lucky…to have you."

"Thank you Cristina, it was great to see you too…and please remember you don't have to be hard core and hard ass all time the …let yourself be vulnerable, don't keep it all hidden, there's a soft side Cristina Yang…let others see it."

"Mark," Carolyn turned to him, "I expect you to visit me …so figure out how you're going to make that happen…we'd all love to have you."

"Mrs. S," Mark said, "thanks…for taking me in again…even after I screwed up so bad."

"You're family Mark…that's what we do…we forgive and continue to love each other."

"I don't always say it…" he said, "thank you…"

"You're one of mine Mark…you were since the first time."

"Lots of strays," Mark said, "you were stuck with."

"Not so dear, that only applies to my son in law," she said and they both laughed at the ongoing family joke and within minutes everyone had said their poignant farewells.

"Mom," Derek said, "how about grilled trout for dinner?"

"Fresh from your lake, I take it…"

"Yes," he laughed, "Kevin made sure Kelly didn't see it, but he actually caught a handful of trout today."

"Sounds lovely sweetheart," she said, "while you do the honors and clean the fish…Meredith and I can go for a walk."

"Is that your way of telling me you want to talk to her alone," Derek laughed.

"There isn't always a hidden meaning things Derek, sometimes…a walk is just a walk," she and Meredith laughed, and they indeed went for a walk along some of the forty acres.

Carolyn linked her arm through Meredith's and they walked in silence for several minutes before she said, "so many years…I carried this secret burden, and now, thanks to you…I can go home without guilt."

"I didn't do anything," Meredith said, "it was just the right time for you to tell Derek…"

"My son," Carolyn said, "thinks I'm totally biased where you're concerned, but I'm not…I see things clearly…and you have such strength and you don't see it…but you do Meredith, and learning that about you, getting to know you better, hat is what gave me the strength to talk to Derek and share what happened."

"I think" Meredith told her, "you may have said something because of me…"

"I wanted him to understand what you went through…but it was for me too Meredith, I no longer wanted to keep it a secret…I wanted his forgiveness as well, and this trip has been so very emotional…so many discoveries…about Kathleen's miscarriage…meeting Kelly, all of it very emotional and special."

"I'm sorry you had to relive some of that," Meredith said, and Carolyn stopped.

"No," she said as she touched her daughter in law's cheek, "don't be sorry…there's peace in my heart, after so many years."

"I'm so happy you were here," Meredith told her, "thank you…for your support…your love, it means so much to me."

"As has yours…it meant the world to me as well…that you understood," Carolyn said, and they continued along their walk, close enough to the trailer that every so often Derek would hear their laughter, while also Carolyn mentioned how pleased she'd been seeing Meredith with the kids earlier in the day.

"You're right," Meredith said, "it's been a surprise to me, I didn't think I could handle it at first, but Kelly's been my angel in some ways…and Mom," she said so casually she didn't see Carolyn's smile, "not that long ago I was freaking out over holding Tuck, but now it seems so natural with Kelly, and Sean is so hard to resist…they've helped…both of them…to heal."

Dinner was yet another opportunity for further strengthening of new and old familial bonds, and Derek drove them to the cliff for the sunset, late into the June evening, close to nine o'clock they watched and marveled at yet another spectacular display of nature; a shower of stars had brought joy to their hearts, correctly interpreting messages from afar; now the setting sun, a brilliant canvas of color, smiled upon three souls on the site where heartache prevailed over shattered dream , but now the bright shiny colors of sunset provided a glimpse to a future filled with hope.

Meredith and Derek drove Carolyn to the inn. "I hope," Carolyn said to them both, "you know how much it meant to see you at Church this morning…you helped me…to put the past behind and to forgive myself," she said and they spoke for several more minutes before they said good night.

Derek and Meredith drove to the cliff before going home and sat enjoying the clear summer night as they spoke quietly about their day and the future to come, and each spoke about all they were grateful for. Hours later, basking in the afterglow of their exquisitely slow lovemaking, her head lay on his chest, fingers entwined, "I love you Derek."

"I love you too," he said as the light touch of his fingers on her body, and his tongue teasing hers lightly had her moaning in anticipated pleasure, and their passion was unleashed once again.

"Derek," she smiled, "there's one more thing I'm really grateful for," she said.

"What's that?"

"My insatiable...beast," she giggled, as he pressed her body closer to his, and their laughter echoed a melodious tune of happiness.

"Mom," Derek said while they waited for her flight's departure early the next morning, "don't lift any of the bags. I still can't believe they left you with most of their luggage."

"Derek it cost them plenty," she laughed, "even if it did go as cargo, but Michael agreed to meet me at the airport, so it's not a big deal," she laughed, "unless Jenna has any last minute objections and he's dealing with a leaking water faucet," she said, and all three chuckled at the now standing joke. "But, get ready for another visit, he left his fishing and camping gear."

"They're welcome anytime, so are you…" Meredith told her sincerely.

"Before I'm back," Carolyn said, "you will be visiting…and I can't wait."

"Mom," Derek said, "thank you…for talking to me, trusting me…for letting me be there for you…I don't often get to do anything for you…"

"You do enough," she smiled, and gently caressed his face, "you were the man of the house, long before you should have been. I love you…and I'm so glad I had this time with you…I am so delighted you have Meredith, that you have each other," she said looking over at her new daughter, who'd given them a bit of privacy. "Talk to each other sweetheart, I'm going home happy to see the commitment and love between you…Derek, don't let anything get in the way of that."

"I won't," he said, moved and grateful for the acceptance and affection she'd given his wife and bridged the small distance between them.

"It's time to go," Carolyn said, "and I'm going to miss you both, but it won't be long before you visit," she said and they talked a bit more of their trip, before it was time for her to go through security.

"I love you Mom," he said, "we'll see you soon."

The two most important women in his life faced each other, both deeply saddened by the imminent departure, their eyes glistening with unshed tears.

"I'm going to miss you Meredith," Carolyn said quietly, "but I'm only a phone call…or text …or email away…"

"I'm going to miss you too," Meredith said softly, "thank you, for showing me what a Mom's all about," his mother met her gaze, and neither woman could keep the errant tears at bay.

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn embraced her, "I love you, Meredith."

"Mom," Meredith said, her heart no longer filled with doubts that Mothers could like her, and whispered the words very few had ever heard her speak, and Derek as he listened blinked away tears of gratitude for the relationship between Meredith and his mother, "I love you too."

_A/N 4OCT09 – Thanks for reading and commenting. As you know, the conversation about Carolyn's past was totally unexpected. Then, the scene at the church with Meredith & Derek's attendance at that mass, which was an even bigger surprise this Sunday morning (as I pondered my own guilt of not going every Sunday!) But, it worked for me as we move forward. I hope you got a bit of the sense of how Mark had been part of their family and enjoyed their visit to Seattle. _


	192. Chapter 192

_Thanks so much for reading, I was amazed, since this is such an old and long story, at how many views the last chapter seemed to generate for the story, though not necessarily comments, but if you're enjoying, that pleases me tremendously. By the way, read the last chapter before I began writing this one, and sorry for some extra/skipped words, I'm going to back and fix them later._

**Ch 184 – Old married couple…**

Meredith and Derek; to the incredulous look from their friends, the inevitable roll of the eyes, and the ever present need for earplugs; would often joke they had become an old married couple. Such was the occasion now, as they laughed and teased each other after an early morning quickie that had expectedly led to lovemaking in the shower.

"Dude, wasn't sex last night and twice this morning enough for you that you can't keep your hands off her?"

"Karev, if you got your own place to live," Derek countered, "you wouldn't have to hear or witness any of it."

"Derek," Meredith said in an unusual and distinct wifely tone.

"Well," Alex back down, "I'm just saying…it's not like you're a horny twenty year old."

"According to Mer," Cristina, who'd ended up spending the night on a couch, said with a smirk, "age's not a factor…and the forty year old remains Mr. incredible."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded her, while everyone else laughed, including Derek.

"Mer," Derek handed the cereal bowls to her and kissed her, "you really shouldn't give her any more ammunition against me."

"Against you…" Cristina laughed, "that was positive. Don't worry Derek, Mcdreamy lives on."

"Can you please stop talking about sex," Izzie said, "it's enough we have to hear about it…nights…mornings…"

"You're cheerful this morning Stevens," Derek said, "maybe you and Alex can move in together."

"What," Izzie said, "Mer…you're kicking us out?"

"We're not kicking you out," Meredith said, "Derek stop telling them that."

"He is right Mer," Cristina sided with Derek, "this is worse than a frat house."

"I didn't see you going home last night," Izzie argued with her, and there began the bickering, "you were perfectly happy to stay here…just like Lexie and George did."

Ever since his family had visited and she'd told Derek her living room felt homey for the first time ever, he'd encouraged them getting together at least once a month, and usually he ended up cooking or paying for take out. Mark was often a guest, as he'd been the night before, but had left to spend the night with Tracy. Derek left the group of friend to watch the eleven o'clock news, and it had been just after midnight when Meredith joined him, and made it impossible for the rest of the inhabitants to sleep without relying on earplugs.

Derek drove to the hospital, and in spite of the short distance she'd almost always manage to snooze. However, this morning it was cut short almost as quickly as she closed her eyes by the ringing of the phone.

"It's Maggie," she said, referring to his sister and immediately answered.

"Oh thank God you answered," his sister said, "I'm in between patients, and I thought you should know my kids are arriving tomorrow on the 11:30 flight," she teased Meredith.

Meredith giggled, "feeling like the forgotten sister again," and joked with her sister in law. During these five months of marriage, but especially the last two, Meredith had established a friendly relationship with each of his sisters, and they not only kept in touch via email, sometimes a quick sentence or two, but also spoke often on the phone.

"You kid Meredith," she said, "but it's not easy…not in this family, Kathleen's the oldest Jenna's the youngest, Derek's the only boy…and then Nancy's got her very own category."

"Really," Meredith laughed, "and that would be…"

"Super bitch," Maggie said in an overly serious tone, then laughed, "what else?"

"Maggie, you're horrible," she said and Derek raised an eyebrow, "she's actually been nice to me lately."

"Meredith, I've been dealing with her all my life…trust me, it's temporary, which leaves me, the nicest of all sisters…all but ignored."

"At least you're not married to the son in law," Meredith teased her.

Maggie laughed, "not this week," she said, frustrating Meredith as they still held that joke over her head.

"Be that way," Meredith pouted, "see who's going to pick up your kids at he airport."

"Kids at the airport," Derek turned to look at her, "you're joking…"

Meredith put her phone on speaker, "Maggie, Derek thinks I'm joking about you sending the kids to us this week."

"Hi big brother, or is it still Mcdreamy this week?"

"Still…" he asked looking at Meredith for answers, and she just shrugged, "what is that supposed to mean?"

"Ask your wife," Maggie told him, "apparently you were in the doghouse last week."

"I was not," he looked at Meredith again, "I haven't done anything…"

"Relax Derek," Maggie laughed, "I'm joking…but not about the kids coming."

"I told Mer on our honeymoon we could expect that of you sometime."

"Yeah, well…that really all depends on your answer to my question," Maggie said.

"What's up Mary Margaret," he used her full name to annoy her, something they'd all done growing up; she hated the name.

"You guys need to help me…Jenna is really pestering me, seriously you two the watering pot is over flowing, and you're the only two that can make a difference here," she said, and Derek knowing what was coming reached for Meredith's hand.

"Maggie," Derek was the one to answer, "I don't think there's any way we can make it, there's no way Mer's getting weekends, not after the time she had off for our wedding, she has several weeks to make up for, and the concession we made for her taking two full weeks was giving up many weekends," he told her that, which was at least partially true, "and with our clinical trial in full gear, I don't think I could even manage to get away a full weekend right now."

"Derek," his sister said, "I don't want you to take this the wrong way…but…"

"Here it comes," he said, "what insult are you going to throw my way?"

"Derek…we love you, we all do…and we're dying to see you, it's been so long…but, if you can't make it…I mean, maybe you both don't have the same weekend off, but Meredith, is there any way you can make it for her shower?"

"Are you kidding," he said, "she only cares if Meredith makes it," he said, trying to keep from laughing as he looked at the stunned look on his wife's face, and he brought her hand to his lips.

"Meredith," Maggie said, "she's driving me nuts, and Derek… she loves you…she does…but she he doesn't care if you're here for her baby shower, she said, she really just wants to meet you before the baby is born."

Derek continued to hold her hand and she squeezed gently, "Maggie, tell her she will definitely meet me before the baby is born, and I've already put in for the time off for her shower, but it hasn't been approved, so I don't want to give her false hopes. I'll call her later and talk to her."

"Oh…no," Maggie responded quickly, "I mean…yes, call her, but don't tell her I told you all this."

"You mean," Derek joked, "I can't tell her she's no longer my favorite sister."

"Derek," Meredith smacked his arm, "that is horrible, she's pregnant."

"Meredith, thank you for smacking him," Maggie laughed.

"How the hell do you know that," he asked.

"It's a distinctive sound my dear brother, we've all done it too many times not to recognize it…and your brainlessness…is apparently alive and kicking."

"Fine," Derek pouted, "I'll let Meredith fly home to meet you…and I'll stay here."

"Oh, stop pouting," his sister said, and Meredith laughed at her accurate assessment across the miles, "and whatever you do…don't tell Mom or Kathleen I told you about this, they've told us to stop harassing you two…that you'll get here when you can."

"We'll be there in September Maggie," Derek said, "it will have to be during the week, but Meredith and I will be there."

"That partially saves you from getting my kids tomorrow," his sister laughed.

"You can send them anytime," Derek told her, and Meredith's eyes grew wide.

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, "don't worry…I'll give you more than a day's notice if I ever do that," and the three of them joined in laughter while their conversation continued until they reached the hospital.

"Derek," Meredith said when he'd walked around to open her door and he leaned in to kiss her. "She'd really send us the kids?"

"Probably…" he teased her, and deepened their kiss, and heard a couple of snickers behind them.

"What is it with you two," Mark drawled, "I heard you kept everyone up last night, and couldn't keep your hands off each other at breakfast this morning."

Meredith glared at him, already knowing the answer, "and you know this…how?"

"You know the answer to that Grey," he teased her, "I spoke to Lexie this morning, and," he mocked them in good humor, "aren't you supposed to be an old married couple?"

"Mark Sloan," Meredith said, attempting to sound angry, "you better not be flirting with my sister, and why were you talking with her this morning?"

"Because, she's doing me a favor."

"Really…" Meredith challenged, Kathleen and Carolyn were going to love to hear about this, "just what kind of favor do you need from her?"

"Mer," Derek put his arm around her, "let it go," he said softly; he knew the answer.

"Why," she said, "I want to know."

"Not a big deal," Mark evaded the answer.

"Mark Sloan, we're talking about my little sister, what is she doing for you?"

"Shit Shep," Mark tried to change the subject again, "is she always this bossy?"

"She has her moments," Derek joked, "come on Mer…it's getting late."

They'd reached the elevators and she turned to Mark, "you both know…and it's really annoying that you don't want to tell me, but I'm just going to ask Lexie, she can't lie."

"Meredith," Mark said when they got in the elevator, surprisingly it was just the three of them, "I asked her to help me pick out a couple of baby gifts for Jenna's shower…things from here…that you won't find on her baby list."

Meredith remained silent as they ascended the two remaining floors and exited ahead of them and then turned to face them. "I'm not weak and fragile…I can handle knowing those things…even if I'm not going to go to the shower." Derek placed his hand on her back, and she moved away from him, not in anger, and reached up to kiss Mark's cheek, "I do appreciate your thoughtfulness…thank you," and then hugged him briefly, then grabbed Derek's hand as they walked toward their respective assignments and simply said, "I love you, meet me for lunch?"

The month of July had seemed to fly by and the end of August drew near. Derek walked in to his very small office and found Meredith with her eyes closed and her head resting against the back of the small couch. She heard his approach and couldn't help but smile, her thoughts miles away from their current location.

"Dr. Grey," Derek whispered upon her lips.

"Dr. Nelson," she teased him.

"Low blow…" Derek said, "very low blow…"

"Oh, Derek…" she threw her arms around his neck, "you know I'm teasing you…can you ever imagine…me…and Nelson…" she laughed.

"Meredith," he said, "are you trying to make me jealous…I've seen how you look at Nelson," and they both burst out laughing.

"Derek," she kissed him, "after you…" she deepened their kiss, leaving them both breathless, "after prom…I could never imagine…I could never be happy with anyone but you…never wanted anyone but you."

"I love you Meredith," he said and embraced her.

"Me too…" she said, "but…"

"But," he pulled slightly away from her and raised an eyebrow, "we haven't had problems with buts in a while…"

"But…I'm getting jealous of Dr. Grey…she better not be flirting with you," she said, as her hands found their way to the waist of his scrubs.

"And," he sucked in his breath as he felt her hands on his bare skin, "what if she does more than flirt…"

"She's going to be in very big trouble," Meredith teased him, "is the door locked?"

"Need you ask," he said as his lips kissed her neck, nibbling, sucking lightly.

"Happy…early anniversary," Meredith said as her tongue teased his, just as her hands began the slow and seductive descent…that would lead to some of their favorite things.

"Old married couple," Derek chuckled as he caressed her naked back, her body lying on top of his.

"Old married couples," Meredith giggled, "what did you tell me on our honeymoon, they have sex seven times a month," and they both roared with laughter, and he reluctantly let go of her and watched her get dressed and then pulled her down on his lap.

"What were you thinking of…" he asked, "when I walked in…you had a smile on your face that made me feel sorry for the poor canary," he said, and she smiled, and put her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Our weekend…" she kissed him again, "last month…in Friday Harbor…"

"Uhmmm…." he smiled at the memories, "we'll have to go back there again, Dr. Grey was truly…"

"Ass," she smacked him.

"But you love me…"

"Must be hard," she laughed, "no pun intended…ever," he responded by teasingly biting her earlobe.

"Don't start what you can't finish," he whispered in her ear, his hands expertly caressing before cupping her breast.

"Neither should you…" Meredith told him seductively, "we used up all our time…and now you have to feed me."

"Gladly," he told her.

"Food Derek, I'm starving."

"Tease…"

"Pot calling the kettle black?" she raised an eyebrow.

Derek brought his hand to his heart, "well wonders never cease…she got one right," and joined her infectious laughter.

"Derek…" she snuggled close to him, "you really enjoyed Friday Harbor?"

"Do you even have to ask," he kissed her softly, "our forty eight uninterrupted hours," he said, and with each recollection, "do you remember…" a kiss.

"It's…you do so many things for me…and I don't think I do…I mean…"

"Meredith," he cupped her face, "waking up every morning…and going to sleep with you in my arms…every night…that's all I ever need."

"Me too…Derek…me too…"

"Tell me," he caressed her cheek, "what prompted this early anniversary?"

"We both need to stay here tonight," she told him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I just scheduled another trial patient, it's really urgent. It can't wait, they'll be here this evening, and from the sounds of it...time's running out."

"Tell me about it," Derek said, and sitting side by side, she filled him in on the medical history and he agreed, the urgency was immediate, but he feared having to face yet another failure. Meredith had come to him the week after their family had visited with an idea for a medical trial, and he hadn't been able to deny her request, even though if given a choice or if it had been anyone else he would never have agreed; the odds were almost never in favor of the patient.

They left his office and walked to the nurses' station holding hands.

"You've got to be joking," Mark took a look at them and laughed, and patted Derek on the back, "Mr. incredible," and laughed again.

"Mark Sloan," Meredith said, but part of her wanted to laugh, "stop making up stories."

"Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," Amy Lynn said, "it's so nice to see you…we've really missed you around here lately."

"The clinical trial's been keeping us pretty busy," Derek responded.

"Making up stories," Mark laughed again, "anyone hear about the lion on the loose," and felt Tracy's light smack on the back of the head, "stop teasing."

"Crap," he brought his hand to the spot she'd hit, "who's teasing?"

"You know Mark," Tracy told him, "I'm going to start believing you're jealous."

"Jealous…" he asked incredulously, "of what?"

"What did you have for lunch, Dr. Sloan," Lisette asked innocently, as she tried to keep from smiling.

"Meat loaf, in the cafeteria," he answered without thinking, "why?"

"Interesting," Tracy said, "the old married couple…" the others laughed at the ongoing joke, "found time to …what would you say…visit the zoo at lunch time?"

"Touché," Mark said good naturedly, "Grey…am I forgiven?"

"For what?"

"Mocking the boring aspects of marriage," Mark winked at her.

"Absolutely," she winked back, "but it will cost you."

"You're bribing me?" Mark said.

"Seems fair to me," Lisette commented, from her seat at the nurse's station.

"Hey," Mark joked with her, "just because you're pregnant doesn't give you license to turn against me, I need the fab4 on my side."

"Dr. Sloan," Steph said as she joined the group, "I think…Lisette's a lost cause, she's always going to stick up for the G-S team first," and the group spent several more minutes enjoying the friendly banter before everyone went on with their day, but not before Meredith told him what it was going to cost Mark.

"Dr. Sloan," Meredith turned to him, "before you go…"

"You were serious," he said to her, "about…"

"You have to call Jenna."

"Oh…no…I already talked to her this week…and she was crying half the time we were on the phone…and that was because she was happy…about a five year old's dance recital."

"Mark," Meredith looked at him softly, and even though it was not her intention, as she truly was teasing him, he remembered her vulnerability months before and the sadness she attempted to hide so well..

"I'll call her," he gave in before she finished her request, "what is it about now?"

"Mark," Meredith said, "I'm kidding, we spoke to Maggie this morning and I'm going to call her, but when you do talk to her…just tell her it's almost impossible for me to get a weekend off."

"I will," he said, and his gaze met Derek's as he acknowledged his gesture.

It was a very long day as the new patient was admitted and the intricate process of testing began. Derek agreed with Meredith's assessment that they had to get the patient to surgery immediately, and they scheduled it for six in the morning, which meant the patient had to be closely monitored through the night.

Somehow they were able to get a few hours of rest, and now in the middle of the night, she lay nestled in her husband's embrace in a small on call room bed, when she heard the words that never failed to warm her heart, "happy anniversary Meredith, I love you."

She turned to face him, still groggy from lack of sleep and exhaustion, and kissed him softly, "happy anniversary Derek…I love you…so much," and he held her closer to him as she lay her head on his chest and closed her eyes, "tomorrow night…we celebrate."

"Yes…" he whispered, and kissed her temple, keeping her warm and safe.

They lost the patient and both took it very hard, particularly Derek, and she knew if given the option he'd end the clinical trial. She went to his office after they'd spoken to the family and she'd cleared their schedule so they could go home, and found him with his face buried in his hands, elbows resting on his desk. "Derek," she said softly and he did not look up, so she went to him, and massaged his shoulders tenderly, "we knew there was very little chance he could make it…but just for a few hours…we gave him hope…and we will get it right Derek…I know we will," she said and respected the silence he craved.

"We will," he said, long after she'd last spoken, "we will. Let's go home."

Meredith and Derek walked down the hall holding hands, saddened yet resigned over the latest trial failure, because somehow it would all work out, and he waited for her to change out of her scrubs.

Neither would have guessed that their mood could changed drastically within minutes, as only the simplest of moments in life can provide. While Meredith changed, his phone vibrated, and he had to laugh.

"What are you laughing out?" Meredith asked.

"See for yourself," he said and handed her the phone.

-hi sweetheart, how are the kids?

"Oh Derek," Meredith smiled, "she is priceless."

"What should I tell her?" he smiled back at her.

"Let's call her on the way home," she said, and knew that it would do him well to speak with his Mom.

Then, fate smiled down on them again, providing yet another heartwarming moment at the end of this long emotional day.

"Ma..mum.." they heard a familiar child's voice, "mum…mum…ish…ish," and then a little dynamo ran into Derek's legs.

"Ish…" Miranda Bailey's son smiled at Derek, "Up…ish…"

"I hope," Miranda said, "you realize…your name is ish…and this child is going to drive me insane…if you don't take him f-i-s-h-i-n-g again, so for the sake of my sanity…he's all yours this weekend."

"We'll take him," Meredith called her bluff, "Tuck," she ran her fingers through the baby's hair, "would you like to spend the weekend with us…at the trailer and go fishing with Derek?"

"Ish…mum…ish…"

"Grey," Miranda chuckled, "you are good…"

"What do you mean Dr. Bailey, we'll take him, right Derek," Meredith said, and her husband just stared at her, his mouth slightly open in surprise.

"Shepherd," Miranda said, "close your mouth, you'll catch flies…she's kidding, she called my bluff."

"You mean you don't want me to take him …you know," Derek said, feeling rather silly if he'd had to spell fishing out.

"Yes, I do, but your wife at least understood I'm not letting him spend a weekend in the woods…where who knows what wild creature lurks ready to pounce on innocent babies."

"Hey Tuck," Derek said, "these are very silly women…"

"Silly," the little boy repeated giggling.

"Yep, they are," Derek said, "we don't have wild creatures in the woods…"

"You keep on believing that," Miranda said, "this boy's not going there without me, for all I know you get so involved with your lure or tackle or line…whatever it is…you'll forget he's even there, and before I know it…oh…no…he can't be there alone…"

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith smiled at her, "what if…we take him our next day off…Derek and I can take him, and I'll be there…in case he gets all caught up with lures…and tackle…and all that."

"Grey," Miranda looked at her, "you feeling ok?"

"Yes…I'm feeling great," she said and took Tuck from Derek's arms, "seeing Tuck is just what we both needed today…and if you'll trust me…we'll take him…"

"I trust you," Miranda said, marveling at the change in this girl over the last several months, over the years she had known her, and knew she could trust her with her son.

"You know Miranda," Derek teased, "Meredith likes to fish too…how do you know she won't get all tangled up with lures," he winked at his wife, "and all."

"Because she's not brainless, like you," she told him a she attempted not to smile, and took her son from Meredith, "hey…Tuck…you ready to go home?"

"Ma- mum," he tried out his new word again, recently mama became mum, "ish…"

"Yes," Miranda looked tenderly at the boy, "you can fish…with Derek and Meredith, but first we need to go home and sleep," she said knowing she'd be repeating that till he actually got to go, and the four walked out of the hospital together.

"Mom," Derek smiled when he heard her voice, "calling to tell you about the kids," and whatever she said made him laugh. "Yes, you can talk to Meredith…but I'm beginning to feel like Maggie said this morning, crap Mer…" he said as he felt his wife's light smack and saw her shake her head.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "what did Meredith smack you for?"

"What are you talking about, Ma…here's Mer…"

"Derek Christopher, don't you dare cut me off…what have you done?"

"Nothing…"

"Derek…"

"Fine…Maggie called and she told us about Jenna's latest …"

"Oh, that girl, I told her not to call you…but don't worry…Kathleen and I are taking care of this, and no I won't tell her you put our foot in your mouth," she said and spoke to him for a few more minutes before he handed the phone to Meredith.

"Hi Mom," she said with ease. It had become easier as each day went by to call her Mom when they spoke, though she still called her Carolyn half the time, "you want a report on the kids," she giggled, "let me tell you," she began and had Carolyn and Derek laughing as she recounted various anecdotes related to Cristina, Lexie and Mark, including the morning's conversation with Mark and her warning once again not to flirt with her sister.

"Meredith," Carolyn chuckled slightly, "I cannot believe Jenna told Maggie you can come without Derek, I mean…of course you can…you don't need Derek to visit…but Jenna…he is without doubt her favorite sibling, and I don't mean that as in my favorite daughter," she said and Meredith laughed and put her on speaker phone as the finished the conversation so Derek could participate.

"Mer," Derek called down the stairs, "what are you doing?"

"I'll be right up," she answered him, as she placed their dinner in the oven, and set the timer.

"Derek," she said when she walked in the room, "I just put our dinner in the oven and set the timer, we can't forget like last time. Derek where are you?"

"Join me in here," he called out from the bathroom, where the door was slightly ajar.

"What are you doing," she asked as she walked through the door, and smiled at the sight of her husband surrounded by bubbles.

"Mrs. Shepherd," he smiled, "join me?"

"I've already had a shower," she teased, as she began to undress, and he held his hand out to her as she got in the tub and leaned into the comfort of his arms.

"I love you Meredith," he whispered, "thank you…for today, your support," he wrapped his arms tighter around her and he buried his face on he crook of her neck, "your encouragement…your faith in me…as a doctor…"

"You do the same for me Derek," she said softly.

"For that moment with Tuck and Miranda," he kissed her neck, "thank you."

"I love you…" she said, and they simply held each other. They'd found pleasure in each other more than once during this day, and now they basked in the warmth of each other's arms, secure in the knowledge that the depth of their love would withstand all of life's trials and tribulations, and in the comfort of their embrace their heart and soul rejoiced over the depth of the emotional and spiritual bond reserved for soul mates.

"I adore you Meredith," he whispered reverently.

"As I do…" she said with the same reverence.

"What are you smiling at," he said, a bit later.

"You really must love me," she teased, "to be content to just soak in a bathtub filled with lavender bubbles," and their laughter filled the candle lit room.

"Mer," he said, "how long was the timer on for?"

"An hour," she said, "and I set the alarm in the bedroom too, so we wouldn't burn it again this time," she smiled, and in the minutes that followed he helped her out of the tub and dried tenderly tried her body.

Hours later, though still early, they lay in bed talking, "my wife's graduated to cooking dinner," he teased her, "first breakfast…now dinner…I guess we skipped lunch…"

"Are you," she snuggled up to him, her hands reaching for the hem of his t-shirt, "complaining about lunch," and kissed him.

"Not today's lunch," he kissed her back, "that's as good as it can ever get."

"Dinner wasn't bad," she said, "and it was a lot of hard work."

"And," Derek kissed her, "I really appreciated it…you called the order in, got out of the car while I waited for you to run in the restaurant…and even put it to heat in the oven…"

She giggled, "and it didn't burn…"

"Especially that," he said, "we'd never live down another smoke alarm incident."

"Well," she said seductively, "I'd brave another incident…if we had the same kind of…entertainment as we did that night…"

"Mer," he turned to his side facing her and pressed their bodies together, his hands gently caressing the length of her body, "care for an encore," he said, and they reached for each other and slowly began undressing, and their day ended as it began; whispered words of love the ultimate aphrodisiac as two lovers completely enraptured with the other made the other's pleasure a priceless gift of mutual surrender on their fifth's month's wedding anniversary.

"Derek…" she said as they basked in the afterglow of anniversary lovemaking, "what are you thinking?"

"We've exhausted our quota Mer," he chuckled as he kissed the back of her neck.

"Uhmm…I think we have," she giggled, "old married couples…who use up all their month's lovemaking in two days time…"

"Two days," he laughed, "Mer…almost in one day…in spite of your old beast…"

"Thank God," she turned to face him, "for my insatiable…old beast," she said as she kissed his lips tenderly and he held her close as her eyes began to drift and she lay her head on his chest, "I love you."

"I love you Meredith," he whispered, "happy anniversary."

_A/N 18OCT09 – Old married couple…hope you enjoyed the glimpse into their married life, which I HOPE was more satisfying than what we've seen on Grey's Season 6. This chapter was intended to be light with a bit of fluff, while at the same time trying to incorporate some of the real Meredith/Derek (trial)whenever possible, not to mention the last chapter of HR!_

_A/N 21OCT09 - Please give me your feedback on this chapter, there seem to be quite a few views to this chapter, but if you really don't like it, let me know please. It's a lot of work to write, and if you are not enjoying, I'd like to know how to make this better. Thanks._


	193. Chapter 193

**Ch 185 – Last days of summer**

Meredith had an amused expression on her face as she scrolled through her blackberry.

"Getting Mcdreamied via text again," Cristina said as she put down a chart on the counter.

"No," Meredith continued reading, "it's Carolyn."

"Speaking of Mama Shep," Cristina said, "I have something for her when you finally get back east."

"You do," Meredith looked up from her device in surprise, "what is it?"

"Just a little something I saw and thought she'd like," Cristina said dismissively.

Meredith smiled, grateful for the relationship between her two families, "she's going to love whatever it is."

"Yeah, I know," she said, "want to grab lunch later?"

"Not sure I'm free…"

"Mer, come on, you can't have lunch with him every day," she snickered, "and you're going away, so it'd be nice to catch up, besides you've been married forever."

"Forever," Meredith laughed, "not even six months, Cristina, and I'm not going away anytime soon."

"Whatever," Cristina said, "he can join us."

"Are you feeling ok?" Meredith asked.

"Don't be a smart ass. Mer…I've told you before, leave the sarcasm to me."

Meredith laughed, "we'll meet up for lunch," she told her friend, who'd already started to walk away.

"Hey," Meredith smiled as she felt her husband's arms wrap around her waist.

"Hey," she leaned back into him, "you're here early."

"I missed you last night," he nuzzled her neck, "hate sleeping without you."

"Me too," she turned and kissed him softly, "I'll be home early tonight."

"Exhausted," he whispered, "after a twenty four hour shift."

"But," she smiled, "I'll have at least a three hour nap before you get there," and hugged him. "Join me for a quick breakfast?"

"Actually," he smiled, "I brought you breakfast."

"You did?"

"Uhmmm…in my office…"

"Derek," she smiled seductively, "I only have thirty minutes, and I'm starving."

"How do you think I feel," he gave her a quick kiss, and they missed the smiles exchanged between the two nurses approaching. They'd long ago given in to small intimate displays of affection when they were at the hospital.

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," Lisette greeted them when she reached the nurse's station with AmyLynn.

"Good morning ladies," Derek returned the greeting. "I'm stealing my wife for breakfast, if anyone's looking for her, don't tell them," he winked at them.

"Derek," Meredith scolded, "I'm on duty."

"Not the next thirty minutes," he said as he rubbed her shoulders lightly, "finish up those charts Mer."

"Good morning ladies, and don't pay any attention to him," Meredith said. "AmyLynn, these two patients may need some additional pain medication, let me know please," she said as she handed her two charts. "Lisette, you are glowing…did you find out yesterday if it's a boy or a girl?"

"Not yet," Lisette sighed, "this one is determined to surprise us."

"I think," Meredith smiled, "I'd like to be surprised," and they spoke a few more minutes before Derek grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him to his small office.

"Grilled cheese," she smiled and turned to hug him, "you cooked for me."

"It's the least I can do," he hugged her tighter to him, "when my wife's been working all night," and then he brought his mouth to hers and they got lost in an intoxicating kiss before they pulled away from each other and went to sit on the small love seat.

"Good coffee too," she teased him.

"Starbucks," he said, "just as you like."

"I love you Derek," she leaned in to brush his lips with hers.

"Uhmmm…"

"Don't do that," she giggled upon his lips, "you know it's a turn on…and I can't be late this morning, there's a consult for one of my patients with a doctor from Mercy West."

"Why?"

"The patient was brought here, but their doctor is on staff there," she said as she reached for her grilled cheese. "Uhmm…" she savored it, "just perfect. I'll cook you breakfast tomorrow, I'm off the next two days, thank God."

"Mer," he said, "I'm not sure that's going to happen…"

"What are you talking about…I can cook breakfast…"

"I mean…being off the next two days…"

"Of course I am," she said and took another bite, "my schedule hasn't been changed."

"Well," he said sheepishly, "it may have been…slightly…but only if you agree."

"Shepherd, what have you done?"

"Mer, I haven't done anything…I swear…I only looked into the possibility, but it's your decision…if you don't want to…we won't do it, we'll wait, but it seemed like a good time and the weather's been nice…and …but it's up to you."

Meredith looked at her husband without saying a word and then her laughter, the melodious sound he delighted in, filled the room. "Derek…" she paused, before she teased him, "that …" a giggle, "was a Grey worthy ramble."

He chuckled, "not to mention the contagious aspect my mother and sisters seem to pick up quite easily…which speaking of Mom and my sisters…"

"Derek…"

"Meredith…" he smiled, and she knew she'd willingly agree to anything he'd ask for.

"I may have made plans for us to fly home," he waited for her reaction, "on your days off…only if you want to."

"You did what?" she raised her voice.

"We don't have to," he said, "it was just an idea."

"You couldn't tell me this…" she glared at him, "in advance…so I could plan…and are you crazy…we can't go tomorrow, do you realize how long it's been since you've been home…and you have a million relatives and kids that will be expecting gifts from their Uncle Derek…and Jenna…oh my God…Jenna…there's baby gifts and things…and we're not there for her baby shower …but… we can't go empty handed…"

"Mer," he smiled indulgently, and reached for her, "did you breathe?"

"You moron," she swatted his hand away, "of course I breathed…I'd have passed out if I didn't," she said and both broke out in genuine laughter.

"I love you Meredith," he said and kissed her softly first then deepened the kiss.

"That's not going to work Derek," she told him, "there's no time, no time at all for this."

"Why the hell not," he said, nuzzling her neck.

"One," she pulled away from him, "because I really can't be late, and two…are you serious…you want us to go away tomorrow?"

"Actually," he said, "not tomorrow…"

"When?"

"Tonight," he told her, "the red eye."

"Are you out of your mind?" she said in her best wifely reprimanding tone she'd used all month.

"Mer, we don't have to go…I told you that already."

"Of course we'll go, but…why didn't you tell me?"

"You've been stressing out about the trip…and all those things you think you need to do when we fly home…that's why, because all we need to do is get on an airplane, well pack a few things. But," he kissed her quickly, "everything else…does not matter. They want to see you, and me I guess," he joked, "and it seemed like the perfect time."

"But, why didn't you tell me…give me a few days warning?"

"Because, you would have tried to shop for a million kids," he teased her, "and probably

Mom and my sisters…and you'd be stressed and full of travel anxiety…so I thought, we could do this, only if you want to."

"I do…" she smiled, "I do want to go, and you're right all the travel anxiety…well the family anxiety…I'd have probably managed to go all dark and twisty."

"You want to do this?" he asked.

"Yes," she smiled, "but…we can't go empty handed…especially for Jenna."

"Meredith," he hugged her close to him and kissed her temple, "you've already had things shipped to Mom's for her shower and I know," he kissed her tenderly, "you've picked out other things for when we finally visited," he said softly, and she squeezed his hand; both acknowledging and recalling the evening the week before when he'd found her crying in the den while she held some baby items in her hands, and then wrapped a gift for Lisette's baby shower. Later, she'd come to bed and sought the comfort of his embrace, as she lay her head on his chest and cried quietly, and whispered, "it's been six months," and he held her in his arms through the night.

"I can do this," she said softly, "I can…"

"We can do this," he cupped her face in his hands, and kissed her, "together."

Meredith snuggled up to him, "I love you."

"I love you too," he told her, and they remained quiet for several minutes.

"I really have to go," she told him, "but we can have lunch…in fact," she smiled, "Cristina said I should invite you to join us," and she saw his smile. "Wait…she knows something, doesn't she? Derek…you told her we were going away," she laughed and teased him, "my husband and my person are sharing secrets?"

"I may have asked her to cover for you on Thursday, so we can fly back in the morning and have the rest of the day off…"

"Is there anything else," she looked at him, "I need to know about?"

"No…just that our flight's at nine forty five this evening."

"Oh crap," she said as the realization of the trip truly dawned on her, "tonight…and packing…Derek…I have to pack…and what do I take…I have to make a good impression, it's your family…and…oh…I could kill you," she said and his lips were on hers as he silenced her.

"Meredith," he told her, "my family already loves you…"

"I haven't met Maggie…or Jenna, and are we going to see other relatives…"

"Mer," he met her gaze, "when you get home…on our bed, I may have put some things you may want to take, all you have to do is pack them…"

"You picked out my clothes," she laughed.

"No, just what I thought you'd want to take. I've already packed my jeans, sweaters; just take what you'd wear at home," he told her, "there's nobody to impress…" he kissed her again, "but me…and you've already done that. Ok?"

"Ok," she agreed. "So, you'll meet us for lunch?"

"No," he said, "already have a date."

"Derek," she warned, "Dr. Grey is off limits…today…"

He laughed, "it's a beautiful young lady…that seems to have found a way to my heart."

She smiled and kissed him, "you're seeing Kelly?"

"Her six month follow up, and then I'll see her again in two more three months intervals, and she should be fine."

"She suckered you into lunch?"

"Her check up last month," he said, "she thought it was very exciting to have lunch in the cafeteria, so that's where we'll be today, around noon."

"I do love you Derek," she said and got teary eyed and sentimental as they spoke of the little girl that had come into their lives and helped heal their hearts, hearts in deep pain over unexpected shattered dreams, "I hope you really know how much…"

"I do," he said, and kissed her softly, "Meredith, I do…"

Hours later Meredith sat in the cafeteria with Cristina, "Lexie," her friend said, "come and join us…your sister is freaking out."

"I am not," Meredith argued, "all I said was I had no idea how many more family members we were going to meet…and I can't believe you didn't tell me what Derek planned…and even this morning, Cristina…I don't keep secrets from you…and this…I could have prepared and how do I know there isn't an aunt that loved Addison and is going to hate me…"

"She knew," Cristina said.

"Who knew…" Meredith looked at her confused, "what?"

"Lexie knew," Cristina said, "we all did."

"You what?"

"Mer, keep your voice down," Cristina said. "I'm going to admit this once. Mcdreamy, he's ok, sometimes, in small doses."

"Ok," Meredith was sidetracked by that comment, "this is twice today…Cristina…you're not dying or anything…right…you'd tell me, if you were sick…I'm your person…you can't keep secrets from me…"

"Lexie," Cristina said, "take over," and continued eating.

"Mer," Lexie smiled, "Cristina's right, we kind of knew…well, not everybody just the three of us…I mean…including Mark…and we knew it would probably be best that you had as little notice as possible…and Kat …"

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "and Derek worked it out…they lied to Jenna, they're not telling her till you get there because she'd have changed the date to the shower and all that, so yeah…Shepherd…I get it…the Mcdreamy of it all…"

Meredith stared at both women, deeply touched by everyone's intentions to make this particular trip as easy for her as possible; she was going to be faced with the reality that she too would have been about ready to have their baby around the same time as Jenna. "Thank you," Meredith said quietly and reached out to touch both their hands.

"No sentimental crap," Cristina said, while she too felt her friend's emotions, and squeezed her hand.

"Mer," Lexie said, "Carolyn's so excited…she's cooking both yours and Derek's favorites…and she said there's one chocolate recipe you're going to love."

"So the three of you have known about this for how long?" Meredith asked as she saw Mark approach them.

"A week," both Cristina and Lexie replied.

"Grey," Mark drawled, "you all packed?"

"Cute Sloan," she glared at him, "you could have given me a heads up…"

"Derek would have killed me," he sat down and grabbed french fries from Lexie's plate and she slapped his hand away.

Meredith smiled, Carolyn and Kat were going to love to hear about this, she thought as they talked for a few more minutes before she saw her husband walk in the cafeteria with Kelly and Colleen, and it wasn't long before they joined her.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly said excitedly as Derek held her hand, ensuring she wouldn't take off and run to Meredith, "look…Dr. Mewedith is here…I've gots to see her…"

"I think she'd like to see you too," he smiled.

"Derek," Colleen told him, "you are as bad as my parents, spoiling her."

"We're celebrating Colleen," he told her, "a perfectly healthy little girl."

"I know," Colleen said and added with heartfelt sincerity, "thanks to you…you and Meredith."

Meredith left her seat and walked toward them, meeting them half way, and when Derek let go of Kelly's hand she rushed to Meredith, "Dr. Mewedith…this is the bestest supwise ever…" and Meredith picked her up and the little girl threw her arms around her neck and hugged her. "I love you Dr. Mewedith."

"I love you too sweetheart," Meredith said. "I hear you're having a special lunch…"

"With Dr. Shep," Kelly said her eyes wide, "in the doctor cafeteria."

"That's pretty special," Meredith smiled, "having lunch with all the doctors from the hospital…"

"That's special…but more special…because I'm with Dr. Shep…and he's my fwiend…and you…Dr. Mewedith…cause you're special…"

"You're very special too Kelly…" Meredith hugged her, "how about going to say hello to some other friends…hi Colleen…your daughter doesn't leave much time to talk to anyone else," she said and both women exchanged a smile.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly giggled, "all the doctors are wearing pajamas…Dr. Mark too…and Dr. Lexie…and Dr Cwistina…and remember, Dr. Mark…told me Dr. Lexie don't wear pajamas at home," she said and Mark Sloan choked on his coffee, while Cristina Yang laughed good naturedly.

"Dr. Mark," Cristina said. "Do tell us …when little ears are out of hearing range…about Dr. Lexie's lack of pajamas."

"Cristina," Lexie said, "it's not nice to make fun…"

"Dr. Lexie is Dr. Mark your boyfriend, cause Mommy says that only Mommy's and Daddy's don't have to wear pajamas in bed."

"Oh my God," Colleen said, "how…" she shook her head, "am I going to explain that one," she said, and none were able to hold their laughter.

"Mommy," Kelly was not happy with the situation, as she did not understand what was so funny, "why's everybody laughing?"

Colleen was at a loss for words and Derek jumped in, "princess, sometimes grown ups laugh at silly things."

"Cause you mean…it's silly if Mommy and Daddy don't wear pajamas in bed," Kelly said to him.

"I tried," Derek said, trying to suppress his laughter. "I did…"

"Kelly," Cristina said, surprising them all, "you know I bet what your Mommy said, was that if Mommy and Daddy ever had to get in bed without pajamas it's because the dryer was broken…and the pajamas were still wet…so if they put them on they get sick…and be coughing and achy…so instead they got under the covers really quickly to warm up…and then in the morning when the pajamas were all dry they could put them on."

"Dr. Cwistina…" Kelly looked at her, "one time we gots a new dwyer and the man came to the house and took the other one away…cause it didn't work no more…and mommy took all the wet clothes to Nana Maggie's house…"

"You see," Cristina told her, "that's why they didn't wear pajamas…"

Kelly looked at her as though she was pondering a very important matter, "no…not that time…Mommy…did we have to gets two new dwyers?"

"Yes," Colleen had never been so happy to lie to her daughter, "sweetie, we had two broken dryer," and her eyes pleaded that no one laugh or contradict her.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly who was sitting on her lap put both her small hands on her face, "we have a vitation for you," she smiled.

"Invitation," Colleen translated.

"You do," Meredith smiled, "an invitation to what?"

"My baby brother's birthday…Sean's going to have a party…cause he's going to be one years old."

"He is…pretty soon…" Meredith said, "and that's a very special birthday."

"You gots to be there," Kelly said, "cause he loves you…lots and lots like me. Mommy where's the vitation?"

"Meredith," Colleen said, "we understand you may be working…so don't worry."

"Mommy," Kelly said, "she gots to be there and Dr. Shep…"

"Sweetie," Colleen said, "they have to be at the hospital…so if they can't make it…"

"Sean will be sad Mommy…we can wait…and when they get to leave the hospital we can sing happy birthday…Mommy…they gots to be there…for his special birthday, " the little girl insisted. Meredith already knew she'd be there, even before hearing Kelly's next words, it was one of those times for both of them, where sharing that day with the little boy, that had so often warmed their hearts, was meant to happen. "Mommy…even my friend Bwianna…she's going to be there." Years later, they would recall this moment and fully understand the significance of that first birthday celebration.

"When is it Colleen?" Derek asked.

"September 29, it's a Monday, and it's a just for the family," she said and handed him the invitation, "which of course it's enough people," she laughed, "but a small celebration in the late afternoon."

"We'll be there," he told her. "Kelly, what do you say we go get our lunch?"

"You mean just like the doctors…and we get to go to the line…and have a tway?"

"Yes," he smiled, "just like the doctors."

"Derek," Meredith said to him, "I want dessert."

"Mer," he leaned down and whispered, "thought we were waiting till we got home tonight."

She laughed, "cheesecake Derek…get your mind out of the gutter."

"What's gutter?" Kelly asked.

Colleen was about to laugh at Meredith's expression, "she said butter, sweetie, she wants to make sure her dessert doesn't have butter," she said and winked at Meredith as she walked behind Derek and Kelly to the cafeteria line.

Mark roared with laughter as soon as they were gone, "that is one smart little girl."

"That was priceless," Cristina said, "can you imagine her saying that in front of other people," and laughed. "Mer, when you and Mcdreamy have kids…you need to borrow her so you can be ready to practice your answers,because your kids are going to be running into lots of days when the dryer's not working," she said, "how you handle the noise situation, you're going to have to work on that one," and the four adults at the table joined in laughter.

"What was so funny," Derek asked her when they returned to the lunch table.

"Tell you later," she whispered.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "we gots you chocolate cake…cause Mommy said the cheesecake had lots of butter."

"Colleen," Meredith smiled at her, "early diversion tactics."

"That usually fail…at the worst possible moment," she told her. "John's going to be mortified over this one, we hadn't heard it repeated before, in quite that fashion."

"Out of the mouth of babes," Derek said.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly said, "there's no babies here…"

"No Kelly, there's not."

"Mommy," the four year old moved on to the next subject, "can we go see the babies…in the nursery…please?"

"Yes, sweetie, we'll go see the babies before we go home," Colleen told her.

"Kelly," Meredith said, "I have to go back to work, but I'm so happy I had a chance to see you and I'll see you at Sean's birthday."

"But that's a long long time away," Kelly told her, "and I missed you."

"It's about a week," Meredith told he, as she ran her hand through the little girl's curls. "It will go by soon."

"That's this many days," she said holding up seven fingers.

"That's right, a week is seven days," Meredith smiled.

"Cause you get to go on an airplane," Kelly said, "Dr. Shep told Mommy."

"Yes, we are," Meredith smiled, and fervently hope when they had a daughter she'd be as precious and smart. "We're going to see his sisters and Mom, do you remember Mrs. Shepherd?"

"I like Mrs. Shep, and she tolds me, remember Dr. Shep she knew that I made the picture on the frigerator for you."

"Yes, she did know," Derek told her, "she thought it was a beautiful picture."

The others said their corresponding goodbyes and went back to work, as did Meredith, "Colleen, we'll see you when we get back."

"Have a safe trip," Colleen said, "and give my regards to Carolyn and Kathleen."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "I need to give you a hug before you leave."

"I would love a hug," Meredith told her and embraced the little girl.

"I love you Dr. Mewedith," Kelly hugged her tight, "have fun."

"I love you too sweetie," Meredith told her. "We'll see you soon."

The next time she saw her husband was after six o'clock that evening.

"Derek," she called out to him, "is that you?"

"Who else are you expecting?" he answered as he took the stairs.

"There are other people living in this house," she told him, and gave him a quick kiss on the lips, "wanted to make sure it's just us…"

"Really," he raised an eyebrow, "what did you have in mind?"

"These suitcases need to be taken downstairs," she told him, "and…"

"They can wait," he said, "you're all packed," he looked around and saw the two bags by the door, and then noticed a bigger suitcase, "wait, why are we taking that huge case?"

"Winter coats," she replied.

"Meredith…"

"Fine, I went shopping…and let me tell you it was not an easy task. Thank God Lexie came along with me, she knew what we needed to buy for the kids, and I emailed Kathleen so by the time I got to the stores, she told me what each of the kids would like, even though she thought I was crazy to do this…"

"You went shopping…" he said incredulously, "and bought things for fourteen kids."

"Fifteen," she said, "and your Mom."

"Fifteen," he repeated, "Mer…there's only fourteen…"

"Your godchild, Derek…and your Mom better be right that she's a girl, because if not, he's going to be wearing lots of pink and dainty things."

He bridged the distance between them and gathered her in his arms, "I love you."

"You better," she said, opting to tease him, "and next time…the Christmas shopping, you're doing all of it."

"Fair enough," he said, and kissed her, leaving them both breathless and desperately wanting each other.

"Derek," she said, caressing his back, pressing herself into his body, "I missed you last night…and …we're all packed…and don't have to be at the airport…"

Derek captured her mouth, "for another two hours…"

"Two hours," she said, and moaned softly as he cupped her breast, "that's…" she moaned again when he took off her sweater and his mouth trailed kisses to the swell of her breast, "more than a quickie…"

"Definitely," he removed her bra, and his mouth found moved lower, "more than a quickie…" and the unbridled passion between them rose to new heights of pleasure in the early evening hours of one of the last days of summer.

_A/N 25OCT09 -This chapter was meant to include their trip home, but it will be part of the next chapter, which I will write and post before next weekend. My inspiration was unexpectedly cut short today, (sorry if not the best) but wanted to make sure to post a chapter, and thus here's the first half of what I'd hoped to complete. _

_My heartfelt thanks to each of you that continue to read this story and takes time to leave very inspiring messages. I hope you will not be disappointed with the rest of the journey I've planned for this story. Warmest regards, Jasmin_


	194. Chapter 194

_Thanks to all of you for still reading and the many comments on the last chapter. This one is not what I fully expected, as I had intended it for it to be a much long chapter, but didn't want to wait to the weekend (A/N below)._

_I will catch up on responding to each of you individually, but for now, to those of you that don't have a link to reply (sourpatch943,Maureen,silver1989), I cannot thank you enough for your thoughtful and inspiring messages. Joyce Settles, thank you ever so much for your message, I wish I could write back to you._

**Ch 186 – Homecoming travel anxiety **

They'd made it to the airport just in time to board their flight; Meredith teasing him with the threat of never getting in the shower with him again since he had no self control whatsoever.

"You're never getting in the shower with me again," he said suggestively, "and I thought you liked showering with me…at least, that's what it sounded like earlier…"

"I'm never getting in the shower with you," she had a half smile on her face, "if…we have a plane to catch…"

"Would you care for anything to drink," the flight attendant asked before take off, paying just a little too much attention to Derek in Meredith's opinion.

"Tequila, would be good," Meredith said, feeling some anxiety about meeting the rest of his family.

"I'm sorry," the woman said, "I don't believe we have that," and turned to Derek and smiled, "what would you like?"

"Water, please," he smiled at her, and while they waited to take off engaged in light conversation with Meredith.

"Derek," Meredith said, a little later, as she thumbed through a magazine, "remember our shower?"

"Uhmmm…" he smiled, "unforgettable."

"Unless you want it to be the last one together for a long while," she said quietly, still pretending to be interested in one of the two magazines she'd brought along with her, "I suggest you don't do anything to encourage additional flirting from that woman…so stop smiling at her."

"Meredith, I was just being friendly," he leaned in to whisper, "and you know…you're the only woman that interests me…"

"Not according to that hussy," she said without looking at him, "Dr. Grey," and smiling slipped her hand in his, as he chuckled quietly.

"I adore you…only you…Meredith," and turned her face to kiss her lips softly, "and," he teased her, "find jealous Meredith very…"

"I'm not jealous," she told him.

"Of course not," he agreed," just like I'm not likely to be either," and they both smiled as they squeezed each other's hand and spoke quietly as the aircraft reached cruising altitude and the flight attendant returned.

"Mr. Shepherd," the woman smiled, "we'll be serving a light snack, what would you prefer," she mentioned the choices, "I'll make sure to get your first choice."

"I'd prefer," he said pleasantly enough, "if you can make sure the lady gets her first choice. Mer," he turned to her, "what would you like?"

Meredith picked a different selection for each of them. "That way," she told him, "I can taste both and eat whichever one is better."

"So," he joked with her, "now that we're an old married couple…you forgot all about sharing the last piece of cheesecake with me?"

"Talk to me about that," she smiled into his eyes, "when we're an old married couple."

"Our friends are having a field day with that," he chuckled, a sound she loved.

"As long as we're having a field day with it…" she leaned in and nipped his lip playfully, "don't care how much they tease us."

"Mer," Derek said, "what were you laughing at, in the cafeteria earlier today, you said you'd tell me later."

Meredith giggled, "the need to have working dryers."

"Here you go Mr. Shepherd," the flight attendant placed the food on the tray, and postponed Meredith telling Derek about the conversation with Kelly.

"Actually," Derek commented, "that one is for my wife," and he saw Meredith's smile.

"Didn't she see your wedding band," Meredith commented, "or my wedding rings, and you better stop smiling Derek, it's only encouraging her."

"What can I say," he told her after the woman placed the plastic tray on Meredith's table, and returned with Derek's, "I can't help if I naturally attract women," he said, clearly amused she brought it up again and wanting to tease her about being jealous.

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"You better stop thinking whatever you're thinking…"

"You want me to stop thinking," he repeated.

"It shouldn't be too hard," she teased him, "you've good practice at brainlessness."

"Uhmmm…" he smiled.

"Don't even say it…" Meredith warned him in quite obvious mock offense.

"What?"

"Or suggest it…"

"You mean," he smiled, "I can't tell you're sounding like a jealous wife…maybe even suggest you're nagging…"

"You can…but," she flirted with him, "you can't resist me."

"Wanna bet," he joked with her, "see who can resist the other…"

"Not on your life," she laughed, "I'd be cutting my face to spite…"

Derek roared laughing, "I do love you."

"Why are you laughing at me?" She began fidgeting with her rings.

"Cut your nose off to spite your face," he still chuckled.

"Whatever," she said, "it involved the face, and you got it."

"And I got it," he said, and reached for her hand and brought it to his lips and met her gaze, "still nervous?"

"A little," she admitted and smiled, "but…you'll be there."

"I will," she smiled, "and you'll be fine…my sisters will all love you, just like Kat and Mom do."

"Derek…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I understand why you didn't tell me…but, you can't keep doing this, telling me about trips at the last minute…"

"Mer, I've only done that twice."

"We've only been on two trips," she rolled her eyes at him, "you better stop doing it, because…"

"You're right," he agreed, "no more keeping trips a secret…unless they're a surprise."

"Derek…"

"Meredith, I'm kidding," he squeezed her hand gently. "I wanted to avoid you stressing about it…because I do know you're worried, I might add unnecessarily, about meeting the rest of the family…and you still went out in a frenzy to buy things…so, yes, any future trips, I will tell you in advance…"

"Derek," she said suddenly serious, "is there an aunt or someone that really loved Addison and is going to hate me…or your sisters' kids, are they going to resent me?"

"What?"

"You know…Aunt Margaret, for whom Maggie is probably named after…and she's a staunch catholic and doesn't believe in divorce and knows all about the slutty intern and the dirty mistress club and will hold me completely at fault for you committing adultery, even though I had no idea that you were married, and technically …"

Derek leaned over and silenced her with a kiss. "Ok…who the hell is Aunt Margaret?"

"I don't know," she said exasperated, "I made her up, but maybe there's someone like her…and when we get there, the next few days she'll show up."

"Meredith," he shook his head trying not to laugh, "there's no Aunt Margaret."

"Uncle Sal?"

"Thought he was your side of the family," Derek said and smiled.

"Ok," Meredith took a deep breath, "no Aunt Margaret."

Meredith ate her dessert and half of his, "you sure you don't want the rest of it?" he asked her when there was one bite left.

"No," she said, smiling as she brought up the same comment he'd made earlier, "I can't take the last piece of cheesecake."

"But, I'm willing to share," he said.

"I know," she entwined their fingers, "so am I."

"Tell me about your shopping spree," he said, "I can't believe you did that."

"I told you, we could not go home…you couldn't go home after almost two years and not," she interrupted herself when she saw the flight attendant approach their aisle, "Derek, if that woman flirts with you again…I'm…"

"Meredith…"

"Mr. Shepherd," the flight attendant smiled, "we'll be dimming the cabin lights for the rest of the flight, is there anything else you'd like? Ms. Grey?"

"Actually," Meredith said, "we know you didn't have tequila, but…you do have champagne, could we have that…we're celebrating our wedding anniversary."

Derek looked over at her and waited to see what else she was going to say.

"Oh," the woman said, seemingly surprised, "you're married…to each other."

"Of course," Meredith responded, "five years…wait…what did you think?"

"Sorry," she said, "my comment was inappropriate."

"You thought we were married to other people…" Meredith said, trying to conceal her amusement.

"I apologize, really, we just had on our manifest…Shepherd and Grey…"

"We're doctors," Derek said, "my wife kept her name, she was very well known."

Meredith glared at him.

"Congratulations to you both. Do you have any children?"

"Four," Meredith smiled at her.

"Four children," the woman said, "all under five years old, they must keep you very busy, and you both being doctors."

"They do, we have four year old twins, a two year old and the baby's eight weeks old," and Derek could do nothing but smile over the tale she spun, "all girls."

"Congratulations…on both, the anniversary and the children," the woman said, and Meredith finally thought she may have been genuine. "You look wonderful, and having a baby just eight weeks ago."

"I'll tell you a secret," Meredith said, "it's the sex...helps get you right back into shape."

Derek was glad he was not drinking or he'd have choked with her last comment.

"I'll keep that in mind," the woman said, "I'll get your champagne."

Derek turned to her smiled, "who's taking care of the kids?"

"Your mom," she said and they burst out laughing.

"So," he said, "marking your territory…"

"I seem to need to do that every time I travel with you."

"So, you want to stop traveling with me?"

"No, I may just need to keep you at home…locked up…and…"

"I could live with that," he teased her, "as long as I'm locked up with you…"

"Derek," she giggled, "don't tease."

"Who's teasing?"

"You are, since we're not having sex till we get home," she told him.

"What…" Derek raised his voice slightly.

"Surely," Meredith said, "you don't think we're having sex at your mother's."

"Why the hell not?"

"Derek…it's your mother's house…"

"It's not as though she hasn't heard us before," he said, and stopped himself as he became aware of his comment, and both he and Meredith began to laugh, and she quickly put her hand over his mouth when the passenger behind them shushed them.

"They're going to kick us out of first class," she said, as she continued to laugh quietly and then almost simultaneously the lights were turned down in the cabin and he leaned over to kiss her, a deeply satisfying kiss.

They were a little over an hour into their five hour fifteen minute flight, and continued to talk quietly. "I can't believe," he spoke quietly, "I just tried to talk you into having sex at Mom's by telling you she'd heard us before."

"Neither can I," she whispered, her lips inches away from his, the intimacy of their conversation shielded by the darkened cabin and their soft whispers, "but just think, we're only gone two days…"

"We're actually spending the night in Manhattan tomorrow night," he told her.

"We are?"

"Yes…we are…and you can wear that black…"

"Uhmm," she murmured, "that's the reason you left that on the bed, but I didn't pack it."

"Mer," he said in what sounded like a whine, "why not…I'm dying to see you wear it."

"I didn't think I'd be wearing that to dinner at your Mom's…"

"Ruined my fantasy of taking it off you…"

"If all you wanted to do is have me naked," she whispered, "you don't need for me to wear black leather pants…"

"Oh…but the idea of you…" he said, and started telling her what his plans had been, and then kissed her senseless in the darkness of the night, the stars outside the small window reflecting bright shiny moments yet to come.

"I packed it," she said a bit breathless, "and…can't wait…till tomorrow night."

"I love you," he said. "You should get some sleep; we have at least four hours of flying."

"Are you going to flirt with that woman?" he could hear the smile on her lips.

"Think she'll flirt with a married man with four kids?"

"You never know…" she said, and involuntarily yawned, and reached for his hand.

"Mer," he whispered, "does that mean you want four kids…"

"Three…" she whispered back, "just like my dream."

"Three chatty kids…" he smiled, and squeezed her hand before he leaned in to kiss he temple.

"Three healthy kids," she said softly, "that's all I want."

"You're all I need…and then the rest," he said, "the most important thing is you being ok, healthy pregnancies and babies…that's all I want,"

"I love you Derek," she said, and he somehow managed to make it comfortable for her to rest her head on his chest and sleep until it was time to land.

"Meredith," Derek said when he lifted the suitcase from the luggage cart to the trunk, "what did you buy, this weighs a ton."

"You weren't complaining in Seattle about the weight," she told him.

"I wasn't as tired in Seattle and I'm getting old," he said as he took the other two smaller carry-ons and then shut the lid.

"We're in a good mood this morning," she said sarcastically.

"I didn't sleep."

"Why not?"

"Nothing," he said thinking better of what he was going to say.

"Derek…"

"I can't sleep on airplanes."

"Derek," she touched his arm; she was indeed in tune with his emotions, and brooding Derek was not what she wanted for the morning of their first visit together to his home, "you ok?"

"Yeah," he said absently, and placed his hand on the small of her back and went to open the passenger door.

"I understand you know," she said, and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, "please, talk to me."

She heard his sharp intake of breath, "going home," he said as the only explanation.

She wrapped her arms around his waist, "a bit of travel anxiety of your own," she said softly.

"Uhmmm…"

"We can be all anxious together," she hugged him close to her, "I'll share the dark and twisty with you, you know…our shared marital assets…"

"I love you Meredith," he said and held on to her tightly.

"And I love you," she pulled back slightly and looked at him, "will do this, together."

"Thank you," he said, and brushed her lips with his.

"For what?"

"Being you…" he said, and ran his hand through her hair.

"Uhmm…all dark and twisty…"

"No," he said, "sensitive and understanding…for loving me."

"We promised Derek…communicating, no more pulling away… to never give up, and together, making our dreams come true…for a lifetime…"

"Our wedding vows…" he said as both sets of eyes glimmering eyes locked, still sentimental over the vows neither had planned to recite that morning in Venice.

"Our wedding vows…" she smiled at him, "part of them…"

"We've come home," he said, "our family's home, for the first time…together."

"For the first time…of as many as you want," she kissed him, and he opened the door for her, and when she was seated, leaned in and kissed her softly.

"Mer," Derek said as they drove to his mother's house, "all kidding aside, what did you put in that suitcase, it weighs a ton."

"There's a pair of ski boots and two boxes with skates."

"You're joking? Kathleen told you to buy that?"

"Not necessarily."

"Meredith…"

"She mentioned on email she was already looking for Christmas things…"

"Wait," his laughter warmed her soul, listening to the light heartedness back in his voice, "you bought what she was planning to get for some of the kids…she's going to kill you."

"No, she's not, because I texted her and she said it was ok."

"Totally doomed," he shook his head.

"What are you talking about?"

"You…Mom…Kathleen….totally biased in your favor, I'll never win an argument."

"You think you're going to need to win lots of those," she swatted his arm.

"Two's the daily limit, for misunderstandings," he smiled, "right?"

"Yes, and don't forget it," she told him, and he detected the slight doubt in her voice.

"Meredith," he said reaching for her hand, "you know what would make me happy?"

"What?" she asked.

"If Maggie and Jenna are also on your side."

"You're not mentioning Nancy," she said.

"We'll leave that to Mom…and St. Jude," he laughed, "and," he teased her, "maybe I'll need someone on my side every once in a while."

"Ass," she said just as they pull in to Carolyn's driveway, and reassuringly placed her hand on his thigh, lightly caressing him.

"Home," he said.

"You are," she said, and felt the warmth of her hand in his, "you've come home."

"Meredith," he turned to her and said poignantly, "my home…is wherever you are."

_A/N 29 OCT - SR's latest comment on MD is not encouraging if you ever expected to see a Mcbaby on Grey's. So, this was a mid-week MD happy bubble therapy; a bit of it anyway. Tried to have a little fun with it, while keeping the essence of the conversation I'd envisioned as they flew home…and is reflected in the title of the chapter. Hope you like it, probably not one of the best chapters, but it helped set up the mood for the next chapter, his homecoming and the visit with the sisters. _


	195. Chapter 195

**Ch 187 – "Doghouse" Nights…**

Derek carried the large suitcase while Meredith pulled on the two smaller bags on wheels, and before they had a chance to knock the front door was swung open and Carolyn Shepherd smiled lovingly at them.

"Mom," Derek said as a lump formed in his throat.

"Derek," Carolyn said and reached out to embrace him, "welcome home."

Meredith stood and watched them, becoming very sentimental at her husband's obvious emotions over returning to his childhood home.

"Meredith," Carolyn smiled, "sweetheart…it is so good to have you here," and pulled her into their embrace.

"I've missed you," Meredith said, as the woman she'd been so reluctant to meet months before welcomed her with open arms, but most of all an open loving heart.

"I can't believe you're finally here," Carolyn said, when she pulled away to look at them, "Derek…" she tried not to get too sentimental, "it's been so long."

"It's good to be home Mom," he told her and hugged her tightly again.

"You're planning a long stay," she teased as she glanced at the large suitcase, "Meredith emailed me you were here for at least two weeks."

"Yeah," Derek played along with her, "we got the time off at the last minute, so you'll be stuck with us for two weeks."

Carolyn laughed, "he sprung a trip on you at the last minute again, and I heard you spent all afternoon shopping."

"Thank God for Kathleen," Meredith said, "otherwise…we'd have been here empty handed, and it just didn't seem right…after Derek hasn't been home for two years that he'd do that…right Mom? Kids would expect something."

"You're absolutely right," his mother said, her heart warmed by Meredith calling her Mom, and at the same time Derek drew his wife to him and kissed her temple.

"Nothing's changed Mom," Derek said he walked beyond the foyer.

"A few things," Carolyn said, "here and there, but every time I try to change things, your sisters and the kids complain they like it just the way it's always been."

"I agree with them," he said, "too many good memories…to change."

"That's what they say," his mother said. "Hopefully you won't mind the small changes."

"It's lovely," Meredith said as Derek held her hand and pulled her into the living room, "it feels so wonderfully homey…and comforting...just like a home should…"

"Thank you Meredith," Carolyn smiled, "I hope you will always think of it that way…and know it's your home."

"Mom," Derek said yawning, "when can we expect everyone to descend upon us?"

"Not till later," Carolyn told him. "I figured you'd be here around this time, so I finally told them, all except Jenna, that I imagined you'd had no sleep on the way here, so they are not supposed to be here before lunch time…and a late one at that. I said I'd have lunch ready for one o'clock, so you and Meredith can get a couple of hours rest this morning."

"Derek," Meredith said, "we're only here for a couple days…and you're going to spend it sleeping?"

"Must be the age difference," he teased her, "because it's four thirty in the morning as far as my body's concerned, and I'm beat…I'm going to get a couple hours sleep, you're going to wish you had them…once my four nosy sisters get here…"

"Derek," Meredith smiled, "you're dying to spend time with them."

"Come on you two," Carolyn laughed. "Meredith let me show you to your room…"

"Mom," Derek told her, "I have not been gone that long…I still remember how to get to my room."

"I certainly hope so," Carolyn said, "but I wouldn't be a very good hostess…"

"Mom," Derek laughed, "what do you have up your sleeve…did you suddenly bring out all my high school photos and put them out to embarrass me…"

"What an ungrateful child," his mother said, "and here I thought you'd be pleased to show your wife …"

"Mom," he said suddenly serious, "you didn't…did you?"

Carolyn ignored him, and walked to his room and opened the door. She had not brought out his old photos, well, certainly not from high school, but things had changed, and she did want to see his reaction.

His old room had been completely made over; the mahogany sleigh bed similar to the bedroom he'd shared with Addison in New York was gone, as well as all traces of the last time he'd been there. In its place was a queen size bed of contemporary design in a walnut finish wood that matched two nightstands and a six drawer chest.

"Mom…" Derek looked at her, "what did you do…everything's changed…when…why?"

"It was time, don't you think?" she replied without providing any answers.

Meredith looked around, not sure what to think given his reaction; the changes she knew had taken him completely by surprise, and then he walked to the nightstand closest to them, and picked up one of three frames, and she saw the overwhelming emotions etched on his face, his lips pursed as he took a deep breath and closed his eyes.

"Ma…"Derek said, "thank you."

"I think," Carolyn said, not giving in to the powerful feelings she never failed to experience when she knew her children too felt the same way, "we still have time to make changes…if you two prefer something else."

"No," he said, "this…it's more than fine…but Ma…you can't spend this kind of money. I can't believe you'd do this and not tell me…I'd have taken care of it…"

"No need for that Derek," she said, without revealing she'd had nothing to do with it.

"I had not seen this," he said as he picked up another frame, "in a very long time."

"It's one of my favorites, and I thought they belonged here now."

"It means a lot to me," he said and bridged the distance separating him from his mother and hugged her. "You have no idea," he said and looked over to Meredith.

"I think," his mother kissed his check tenderly, "I have a little bit of a clue," she smiled and turned to Meredith. "This," she said as she took the frame from him, "is my favorite picture of our family," and Meredith saw the identical emotions displayed on Derek's and Carolyn's face, "it was the last one we took...at Easter time," she said as she looked at the faded photograph of her husband and five children.

"Derek," Meredith said, "looks so much like his dad here…"

"He always has," Carolyn said, "so much more now than ever before."

"And this one," she took the first frame he'd held, "is another favorite, it's been by my nightstand for the last thirty some years," she showed Meredith a grinning toothless Derek looking up at his father who smiled indulgently as his son held up the two fish from his catch, "it belongs here now," she said, "though I admit I had a copy done…and one for Meredith…if she wants to take the original home."

"I'd love to have one to take home," Meredith said, as sentimental as them, "it's beautiful…thank you…for thinking of it."

"I was pretty sure you'd feel that way…so I knew…this photo belonged with you now."

"Mom," Meredith said, "are you determined to make me compete with Jenna…and become a second faucet."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn said and hugged her, "you've called me mom twice since you've been here…I think I may be the one competing with Jenna before your visit is over. Speaking of Jenna…and your sisters…I can make you a light breakfast if you want now, or when you get a couple hours rest."

"Mer…" Derek turned to her, "you want to grab a quick bite?"

"No," she said, "I'm going to have a quick shower …I don't want all the airplane grime on our new bed," she smiled as she glanced over to the bed and what had obviously been a lot of effort to have his bedroom redone, and the fresh cotton sateen sheets and the fluffy comforter covered by a blue paisley print was too inviting to ignore.

"Meredith," Derek wrapped his arms around her when she came out of the shower, and he chuckled at the items in the open suitcase, "what would you have done…if they'd lost our suitcase? I bet none of it is covered by the airline."

"Buyer protection plan," she answered, "that's why I can never leave home without your American Express card."

"That," he teased her, "was so lame…Mer…really…"

"Stop being a scrooge…" she told him, "it's not like you, and the kids are going to be thrilled with what Uncle Derek got them."

"Uncle Derek…and Aunt Meredith," he said, and he saw that reality register as her expression changed, and she began fidgeting with her watch.

"They don't really know me…so I don't think…I'll be Aunt Meredith…"

"I know you will be," he kissed her lips softly, "because, they're already talking about it…and..."

"What are you talking about?"

"Kathleen's kids especially can't wait to meet you…they think you're great…"

"Right…and they think this because …"

"Well, for one…if they don't already think so, they will after they get their early Christmas presents," he teased.

They're not early presents," she swatted him, "and you know it…"

"It sure feels like it to me…Mer…really, $ 700 ski boots…"

"They're for your goddaughter," she pointed out, "and she's a double black diamond skier…you can't just get her crap boots…"

"You know all this," he joked with her, "because her mother is singing her praises."

"Actually, no," she told him, "her grandmother sings her praises."

"Ah…" he said, "so Kathleen didn't tell you about that…I was surprised she'd give away one of her special Christmas gift items…"

"No, she did…but I already knew she was looking for the boots and had not been able to find them , cause your mother told me it would be part of her graduation gift, for graduating from law school this year…actually it's a trip that involves the boots."

"It was a good gift Mer, I'm glad you got them…but just so you know…I'd already planned on getting her a nice gift for graduation…she was my first godchild."

"That's good…" Meredith said, "and she's the first lawyer in the family…right?"

"Yes," he smiled, "she is."

"So, stop complaining."

"I'm not," he laughed, "just that boots, ice skates, three iPod shuffles, digital camera, two Barbie princesses, makeup, two videogames, My Little Pony stuff, and a pair of jeans I know cost close to a couple hundred dollars."

"They're Seven's," she shrugged, and sat on the bed and began rubbing body cream on her skin.

"Yes, I know," he said, "I heard plenty of arguments over those in the last few years, Mom was adamant it was ridiculous for that kind of money to be spent on jeans."

"It is," she said, "but you can afford it…and it's your fault I didn't have to shop for other things, so you didn't leave me many options when I had three hours…barely…"

"Mer…I don't care," he said and silenced her with a kiss, "the money doesn't matter."

"Yes," she rolled her eyes, "we've already had that argument in Switzerland…how you want me to spend your money."

"No," he told her, "the argument was more because I want you to spend our money…on things for you."

"Fine," she consented, "so we just spent a chunk of our money…on fifteen nieces and nephews…and I'll admit Kat's kids will probably be predisposed to liking me…"

"They are… because their mother has been to Seattle to visit twice…and they've seen the picture of our trailer…and you're the woman that doesn't mind living in the wilderness," he told her, "but most of all, especially her oldest, my first god child…because her mother told her you make me happy."

"Now it's the rest of the family I'll have to worry about…" she said nervously, "and any potential Aunt Margaret."

"Nothing to worry about," he told her. "What else did you get; I did see packages that were wrapped, so I didn't touch those."

"They're baby gifts," she smiled softly as she searched for what she was going to put on, "For your littlest goddaughter."

"Do you realize," he said tenderly, he'd walked up to her and held her, fully realizing how much all the baby talk affected her, "how very much I love you? How blessed I feel that you are part of my life…"

Meredith leaned in to him, resting her forehead on his, "after those photos, and now you…you Shepherds are determined to make a sentimental sap out of me today."

"I thought," he said, kissing her softly, "we've already established that…"

"That's you," she spoke upon his lips, "all you."

"Meredith," he pulled her closer to him, "if it makes you feel better…I feel like a sentimental sap too," he said, and he wrapped his arms around her, his body pressed against hers and he rested his chin on her shoulder.

"She included our wedding picture," Meredith said softly, and he sway gently with her in his arms, almost to a silent tune.

"A new beginning," he whispered, "our new life together…"

"The beginning…" she said, "of our lifetime…"

"Uhmmm…" his lips lingered on her neck, "for always."

"For always," she said and turned to look at him, "I love you."

"I love you," he said, and as their lips touched, unspoken tender words of love and commitment further sealed their vows.

The sound of a ringing phone startled them and they drew apart slightly, and he laughed, "I can't believe she still has that old black phone in here," and pointed to the dial phone.

"Are you," Meredith kissed him softly, and then tried to stifle a yawn, "going to join me for a nap?"

"I am…" he nibbled her lip, "but after the comment of grimy airplanes…I'm going to take a quick shower."

Meredith, he could tell by her light snores, was fast asleep by the time he joined her in bed, and she instinctively sought his warmth as he spooned her.

"Uhmm…" she heard a distant voice, then a quiet moan as she felt warm lips on the back of her neck and his hands doing all possible to make waking up a pleasure, and giggled when she realized it was her own.

"You laugh…" he teased her, gently biting her earlobe, "I try to seduce you and you giggle."

"I told you," she turned to face him, "no sex at your Mom's…"

"I can do quiet…"

"Maybe you can," she found his lips, "not sure I can."

"Let's find out," he said as he captured her mouth and made her forget all her intentions of abstaining, and he would tease her later, she had passed the test with flying colors.

"Mom," Derek said as they walked in the kitchen near eleven o'clock, "I've missed your breakfasts…it smells wonderful in here."

"Your favorite bread," Carolyn smiled, "sit down and I'll pour you both some coffee."

"Let me help," Meredith offered.

"It's all right dear, I can handle it. You're both guests today."

"Carolyn," Meredith told her, "I'm not offering to cook. I'm only going to pour coffee."

"You're right," Carolyn laughed, "you can pour coffee rather well."

"It's a good thing," Meredith said, "I'd met you before and know better, or I'd be thinking it's true about all those mother in law stereotypes …and how awful you are."

"But I also know better," Carolyn chuckled, "don't I," she said and hugged her, "and you don't think that of me at all."

"Yes," Meredith said, hugging her back, "you most certainly do know better."

"Sit down," Carolyn said, "enjoy the calm before the storm," and sat down to enjoy the cup of coffee Meredith had poured for her as the three of them caught up on their lives, and it wasn't long before her words became reality.

"Mom," Kathleen called out, "we're here," and she and Nancy strolled into the kitchen.

"Why can't you do things quietly," Carolyn reprimanded mildy, "what if these two were still sleeping?"

"Then," Kathleen laughed, "we'd have woken them up," she shrugged, and walked over to her brother, and kissed his cheek," they're only here two days…so they don't have that luxury."

"Mer," Kathleen turned to her sister in law and hugged her, "I'm so happy you're here."

"Unbelievable," Derek smiled, actually delighted at the relationship between his wife and the sister he felt closest, his confidante, "I barely get a greeting and my wife gets a hug and so happy you're here."

Three of the women ignored him, and then he felt a hand oh his shoulder. "Derek," Nancy said, "I'm so happy to see you," and he heard the emotion in her voice and got up to face her, and felt the same emotions she did, as he found himself engulfed in a hug; and understood the significance of the rare demonstration of affection. "Welcome home Derek…it's so good to have you here."

"It's good to be here," he said, and he cleared his throat, "and I'm happy to see you."

"I've missed you," Nancy said. "Don't ever stay away that long again," the bossy tone was back, designed to cover the overly sentimental nature.

"Meredith," Nancy smiled at her, and kissed her cheek, "welcome again…to the family."

"Nancy," she smiled, making as much effort as her sister in law to start off differently than the first time, "I love being part of your family."

"Don't speak too soon," Nancy told her, "you haven't met the rest."

"Oh," Kathleen said, "but she'd already met the worst…don't forget…"

"Listen…you little …" Nancy started to say.

"Girls," Carolyn smiled; it was all going to work out just fine.

"Kathleen, just because," Nancy continued, "you're jealous you weren't dubbed mchottie," and with those words and Meredith's laughter that first disastrous meeting between them was put into perspective and the past was put behind.

"Be honest Nance," Kathleen laughed, "you preferred the mcbitchy comment…"

"I've a reputation to uphold," Nancy said, "but you…" she said to Meredith, "should have stuck around the trailer that day…would have known who I was much sooner…"

"But then," Derek chuckled, "you'd never have been branded mchottie, which by the way, I can't believe you girls would like that …independent professional women…"

"Are you kidding…" both Kathleen and Nancy said and started laughing.

"Derek," Nancy responded, "that's a compliment…past forty, tons of kids between us…and mchottie…and Mark still flirting with Kathleen …it's priceless."

"Women," he muttered.

The five sat around the kitchen, easy friendly conversation took over, and his sisters and mother exchanged smiling glances each time either he or Meredith would reach out and touch or lightly caress the other. Then, the front door opened and as expected by Carolyn, within seconds turmoil ensued, as she heard her younger daughters' voices.

"Oh my God, Maggie…" Jenna said, "I can't believe you'd keep me in the dark…and drive over here, and something's wrong or Kathleen and Nancy wouldn't be here. Mom…" she called out, "Mom, where are you…Mom, are you ok?"

"Jenna," Maggie her sister said, "stop it, nothing is wrong…Mom just wanted all of us to get together."

"That's ridiculous, she doesn't just get us all together in the middle of the day…where is she, Maggie…you…you said Mom invited us for lunch, but not the Nance and Kathleen would be here… please tell me, someone's sick…or died..." and stopped short when her mother walked to the foyer.

"Jenna," her mother unaware of her daughter's minor panic, kissed Maggie who was closet to her on the cheek.

"Mom," Jenna waddled up to her, "you're ok…nothing's wrong…why are Kat & Nance are here."

"Sweetheart," Carolyn assured her, "nothing's wrong…" and hugged her, "now, how are you feeling today," and then linked her arms through hers and led her to the kitchen. "How's my granddaughter behaving," she asked as she placed one hand on her daughter's pregnant belly and smiled, "not too well," she said as she felt the baby's kicks, careful to do this before walking in the kitchen.

"She's kicking up a storm still," Jenna placed her hand over her mother's, "you'd think she'd slow down by now…since she doesn't have a lot of room."

"You never stopped till the every end," her mother reminisced. "Jenna, I may have a surprise for you."

"You mean," Maggie pretended not to know, "this wasn't just lunch with my younger daughters as you told me?"

"Maybe," Carolyn said, just as she pushed open he kitchen door, "technically rather…it is, because it also includes my newest daughter."

Maggie laughed, "technically, you're right."

Jenna stopped walking as soon as she saw her brother, "Derek…" her eyes misted and blurred, "Derek…" she said again softly, incredulously as she walked slowly toward him, "you…you're here…"

Derek closed the gap between them and opened his arms. "Jenna," he whispered as he kissed the top of her head and held her close, as close as he could, given her advanced pregnancy, "I've missed you…"

"Oh," Jenna began to cry, "you're here…you're home…Derek…I've missed you so much…and… don't every stay away again…" she said, and he just held her, "not anymore…"

"I won't…" he told her, "we won't stay away."

"Oh God," his sister wiped away the tears, and looked around the kitchen, "Meredith, you're here," she said, "I can't believe it…you came home…finally…I get to meet you," she said, and walked up to her sister in law, who was now standing and smiled, "welcome…to our family," she said, "I know you may not do hugs…but I do," she said and did just that.

"I didn't use to do many hugs," Meredith told her, "but being part of this family…"

"You get used to it…" Jenna smiled, as her eyes glimmered with tears "my husband did."

"That," Meredith said, "and becoming very sentimental…and teary eyed."

"Oh," Jenna said, "he hasn't become used to the teary eyed …and I know everyone makes fun of me being a water faucet…"

"We don't," Meredith said.

Jenna laughed, "you don't have to make me feel better, I've known about that for years…and now, it's worse…even if I do have an excuse. Believe me," she said, and placed her hand on her abdomen, "you'll find out what it's like when you're pregnant."

Derek instinctively reached for Meredith's hand, and squeezed it gently while seeking her gaze, and each knew the other felt a lingering bit of sadness at what would have been; an exchange that did not go unnoticed by his sister Nancy.

Kathleen interrupted, changing the subject, "Mom, I'm starving…and I know it's all Derek's favorites, but hope you made…" her words were muted by an unfamiliar woman's voice, as the kitchen door opened and closed.

"Well," an older woman said, "Carolyn Ailene, what in the world were you waiting for, when were you going to call and tell us they were all here?"

"And you," another woman spoke, "Kathleen, what's your excuse for you not calling me?"

"Jenna and Maggie just got here," Kathleen responded.

Derek could not resist the words that came out of his mouth, "Aunt Margaret," knowing he was taunting his wife and she was likely going to kill him, and got up to hug the first woman that spoke. "Just go along with it."

"Aunt Margaret…" Meredith looked at him incredulously, "you said…there…wasn't."

"Derek Christopher," the older woman, who also happened to be wearing a modern version of a nun's headdress, said, "have you lost your mind…we haven't seen you in over two years, and you want to play games…"

"Aunt Margaret," he tried to keep from smiling.

"What the hell is wrong with you," she smacked the back of his head.

"She's a nun," Meredith turned to his sister Nancy.

"Mom's sister," Nancy told her.

"Oh…he's…a dead man," Meredith muttered under her breath.

"Aunt Margaret," Derek chuckled as he embraced her, "I've missed you too."

"Impertinent child," she told him, "Carolyn, you have the most disrespectful…"

"Aunt Maggie," Derek smiled, "or should I say, Sister Margaret, I want you to meet my wife, Meredith."

"I know who she is, Derek, I'm not senile, unlike you," she said and walked to Meredith. "You are lovely," she smiled, "just as my sister said you were."

"Your sister," Meredith turned to Carolyn, "is a nun…you never told me…"

"There's been a lot to talk about," Carolyn told her, "and didn't want to overwhelm you with more family, and she should have been an actress not a nun."

"Mom," Kathleen had now walked next to the other woman, "if I told you they were already here, you'd have done just like you did, and walked over here."

"Wait till the next time you want something from me, you'd think I'd deserve some small deference after I've had you in my home since you were three years old," the older woman said.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "as you may have guessed, this is Kevin's Mom, Alice."

"It's a pleasure," Meredith said, "to meet you both."

"Dear," Derek's aunt said, "believe me the pleasure is mine…finally…he's found the right woman for him…and from everything I hear you two are meant to be together…and I'm delighted, never could stand that fake redhead, and I don't know what the hell's wrong with him, but I'm Patricia O'Reilley …or Aunt Pat or Sister Pat…whatever people want to call me."

Meredith did not know quite how to react, and then Derek put his arms around her, "told you…no Aunt Margaret…"

"You…" Meredith pulled his arm away, "are an idiot…and insensitive…and totally …"

"Brainless moron," Sister Pat said. "Derek don't you ever change?"

Meredith could not help but laugh; Carolyn's sister was an interesting character indeed.

"Meredith," Alice said, "I've heard so much about you, and so delighted to meet you, and that this boy has finally come home," and she went over to greet them both.

"Jenna, look at you," Sister Pat said, "don't you look beautiful and glowing…"

"Aunt Pat," Jenna allowed herself to be engulfed in a hug, "I'm as fat as a whale and there's nothing beautiful or glowing about me…"

"You're going to be blessed with a child," her aunt said, "you are absolutely beautiful and don't you forget it…it's a precious time in your life."

"And she should know," Maggie laughed as she went over to hug her aunt, "she had six kids."

"Ok," Meredith said, "you are all putting me on…but wait, you said you were Patricia O'Reilly but you're Carolyn's sister…so shouldn't you be Maloney…"

"No," Maggie said, "that's s her married name."

"Nuns can't be married, even I know that…without being Catholic," Meredith commented.

"My sister," Carolyn spoke, "had been married twenty five years and had six kids, when she became a widow, and fifteen years ago she became a nun, the order is still regretting accepting her."

"Derek," Maggie interrupted them all, "before these women so rudely interrupted us," he said, referring to Pat and Alice, earning an indulgent scowl from them, "I've not had a chance to say hello," she smiled and hugged her brother, "I've missed you... I'm so glad you're home."

"I've missed you too Mags…so much."

"Meredith," she turned to her sister in law, "finally…we meet…"

"Right before you ship the kids to us," Meredith smiled, and allowed herself to be hugged once more. "I'm glad we had the days off to be here."

"Does someone want to explain," Jenna said suddenly, "how it is everyone here seems to have known you were flying in…but me?"

"It was a last minute trip," Meredith told her, "so much so in fact I didn't know till yesterday afternoon."

"Derek…" Jenna told him, "you really are brainless…you can't keep doing that to her…"

"She's not complaining," Derek said, "right Mer…"

"Jenna's right, I haven't…" she winked at her sister in law, "just don't make a habit of it, and if you have one more Aunt Margaret…" she leaned in to whisper, "I won't care how quiet…we can be…you can forget…"

"You're bluffing," he kissed her, ignoring their audience, "you can't resist me…"

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, having heard just a bit of their whispers, "why don't you tell us what that Aunt Margaret bit was all about, I get the feeling Derek's in the doghouse," and surprisingly Meredith did, and as the family shared their first meal together, bonds that would last a lifetime were formed, and the easy banter and camaraderie amongst them would be one more of the pillars of a solid foundation in the marriage between two legendary lovers, fated to be together beyond this lifetime.

_A/N 7 NOV – Thanks for reading, and heartfelt appreciation to each of you that comments. There were several things I wanted to happen on their visit back home, but most of all I wanted the Shepherds to become Meredith's family. There's more to tell of their visit, a couple of scenes that set the course for the relationship between Meredith and his sisters (it's all good, even Nancy), but, I did not want to wait to post a chapter, and thus you're getting just the first introduction to his family. "Aunt Margaret," was not part of this visit, but when Meredith mentioned her on the plane, it seemed like a fun character, though I had no idea she'd be a married nun! Hope you like this chapter, I enjoyed writing it and could picture them all in Carolyn's kitchen._


	196. Chapter 196

_16NOV – Thanks so very much for continuing to read and comment._

_Work is keeping me extremely busy, and then lost laptop to virus and took almost a week to get back, one click on a Grey's related article and chaos! Expectedly, as in the title, the visit home is going to be more than one chapter, and I don't want to keep waiting to finish a longer chapter. There were two things I knew would happen in this chapter (during this visit) and both take place on the porch. Getting there was an interesting reflection on characters who for the next twelve chapters or so (the rest of Meredith & Derek's married life) will be an important part of their lives…and remember, there's a specific purpose every time "fate" intervenes in this story, and even when you think it's filler it will likely be mentioned again. Hope you like the way the characters are developing. Warm regards, Jasmin_

**Ch 188 – Expectedly…bittersweet …**

Lunch soon turned to mid afternoon snacks as Carolyn Shepherd anticipated her pregnant daughter's cravings, and they all now sat around the living room with the exception of Alice, who had ballet duty with three of her granddaughters.

"Mom" Jenna said, "this is the best pumpkin and sweet potato bread you've ever made, and you can taste the radishes too… is there chocolate ice cream?"

"Pumpkin, sweet potato and radishes?" Meredith mouthed to Kathleen who shrugged.

"Sweetheart," Carolyn asked, "are you sure...about the chocolate ice cream?"

"You don't have any?" Jenna asked with a noticeable pout. "Meredith don't knock it…just you wait till you have kids, they take over your body."

"I didn't say anything," Meredith argued.

"You didn't have to," Jenna rolled her eyes.

"Let me have that," Maggie took the dish from her, "of course she has some, are you kidding…we all have chocolate ice cream just in case you stop by…and God forbid…"

"Mary Margaret," Patricia said, "don't use the Lord's name in vein."

"It's only a venial sin," Maggie said, "in the worst of cases…"

"Maggie, you don't have to be snippy about it. It's not my fault I'm having a girl, and you have the majority of the boys in the family," Jenna said referring to her sister's two teen age boys, "Derek, it's really going to be up to you to balance that out…"

Meredith had been smiling at the bantering amongst the family, until Jenna's last statement, and since she was sitting next to Derek, he had his arms around her, and felt her stiffen slightly. He gently caressed her arm before he squeezed her hand softly and kissed her temple. Nancy, once again noticed his gestures.

"Stop being a brat Jenna," Maggie told her, "I have nine nieces…now ten …and your baby girl is going to be spoiled rotten…because, I'm not having a third child…even if I knew it would be a girl…I'm done with diapers and sleepless nights."

"You," Nancy laughed, "did not just say that…"

"What," Maggie shot back at her, "I'm not."

"Ailene," Pat laughed and used her sister's favorite childhood name, "I do believe you're going to be a grandmother again."

"Aunt Pat," Maggie scolded, "I'm not having any more kids… John agrees," she said a bit less convincing.

"Maggie," Nancy walked over and put her arms around her, "do you remember…right in this living room…both Kathleen and I…saying those very same words…it's a curse…I swear…the minute we said we weren't having any more kids…"

"What in the world is wrong with you," their Aunt Pat said, "thinking of a baby as a curse…shame on you all…"

"Aunt Pat," Maggie said, "we don't mean that…just that the boys are enough, especially since it's been fourteen years since my last one…and hey, now it can be Meredith & Derek's turn."

"Ok," Kathleen said, "enough baby talk…let's concentrate on the one we know for sure is coming, and stop pressuring Meredith & Derek, they have plenty of time for kids."

Derek met his sister's gaze and smiled, and his sister Nancy caught the thank you he mouthed to Kathleen, who smiled back with a hint of sadness.

"You're right," Jenna said. "They're barely newlyweds. But, Meredith, that hasn't stopped you from becoming a true Shepherd in a very short period of time, in fact, you've mastered diversion 101…"

"What," Meredith smiled, "are you talking about?"

"You expertly sidetracked my question, which still remains unanswered," Jenna told her, "about why I was the only one that did not know you and Derek would be here."

"Jenna," Derek said, "you remember intern days…there's no free time to speak of except at the end of each year, and when Meredith was able to get the time off for our wedding, that's all she had left, so it's not easy getting weekends anymore."

"Derek," Jenna said, "I know she gets one weekend a month, so it could have been next weekend…for my shower…and the whole family would be here…"

"Jenna," Kathleen said, "they're here now…unexpectedly, but isn't that what you wanted…to get to meet Meredith?"

"Yes, of course," Jenna said, "but…it would have been nice…for Meredith to be here and meet the rest of the family."

"Jenna Patricia," her aunt said, "why in the world would you wish that on Derek's new wife…the whole family at the same time, for the love of God, even I can't deal with that anymore."

"Aunt Pat," Maggie teased her, "do nuns have special dispensation?"

"For what?" her aunt raised an eyebrow at her.

"Using the Lord's name in vein?" Maggie said cheekily.

"Mary Margaret," her aunt and mother exchanged brief glances, "I expect…your daughter to be named after me…at least as a middle name."

"I'm not…" Maggie said, "you know what," she laughed, "it's so unlikely…that yes…if it ever happens…count on it Aunt Pat."

"She has no idea," Patricia leaned in and whispered to Carolyn. "Get ready sister dear, she's having twins."

"Patricia," Carolyn said quietly, "you don't ever…you don't like to …"

"I can't help it," she whispered, "it's a damn curse sometimes, but this…it's a happy moment…a small glimpse of the future."

"You know," Carolyn said, "people use to burn at the stake…"

"I'm a nun," she told her, "I've special dispensation," and both sisters laughed.

"You two never change," Derek said as he smiled fondly at both women. "I'm glad you're here Aunt Pat."

"Meredith," Patricia said, "getting back to what I said earlier, you have been spared meeting all the family together, we are more than enough for a first time visit."

"Pat," Carolyn warned, "we are not that bad…stop scaring Meredith."

"Oh, baloney," Pat said, "she's made of stronger stuff than that…you can see it in her eyes, but still," she turned to Meredith, "dear, don't let them talk you into a full family weekend until you have to…it will take weeks to recover," she winked at her.

"Aunt Pat," Nancy protested, "we are not that bad."

"Nancy," the nun answered, "this is me you're talking to…and I'd have been completely on Derek's side if he'd clobbered you and left you buried in his wilderness for dropping in unannounced," she said.

"Oh my God," Meredith giggled, "Cristina would love her."

"I would love to stay," Pat announced, "but…my nun duties call…I will see you again for dinner, or whenever it is we'll be watching the wedding video."

"Tonight Patricia," Carolyn said, "but…it may be after your curfew."

"Don't mess with me Ailene," Patricia told her sister laughing, and went over to hug her. "You were right, she's daughter worthy material."

"Sister Pat," Meredith said, "I mean that's what I should call you…I guess…or Sister Patricia, what exactly are your nun duties?"

"She's the school principal," Maggie told her, "she likes to pretend she works…so she's there between three thirty and six when the kids are dismissed from school and after care."

"Maggie," her aunt said, "you're full of disclosure announcements today."

"You know," Maggie laughed, "you're my hero…"

"No need to kiss up to me, Mary Margaret," she smiled at her, "you're already my favorite," and laughter erupted in the room. "This week," Pat continued, "she's my favorite, and by the way Meredith, Aunt Pat is fine…"

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "the reason the order took her is because with her joining them, she was already a school teacher by the way, she was single handedly able to increase the enrollment by about one hundred kids…and they keep multiplying."

"Ailene," Pat laughed, "you're not so far off yourself…hell, with your grandchildren alone I have nine of them now, and yes Maggie, I'm on driving duty today…I will load them up in the van and bring them over by six tonight."

"The grandchildren," Meredith asked her, "they're all in your school…convent…I mean…it's a convent…or is that only where the nuns live?"

"The convent is adjacent to it," Pat said, "you'll have to visit me there sometime."

"Can you see it," Meredith laughed and winked at Derek, "me…in a convent?"

"That," the nun said, "sounds like an interesting story…don't tell them till I'm here tonight."

Meredith laughed, "there's not much to tell, really…but, it was a pleasure meeting you…and I'm so glad...you weren't like Aunt Margaret."

"Don't hold your breath Meredith…there may be one of those around," she told her, "but…probably on the Shepherd side of the family…"

"Meredith," Jenna who was sitting next to Derek said, "you really didn't answer my question…but, I understand…that you may have preferred not to be here. Aunt Pat's right…the family can be overwhelming," she said, and the sisters saw the tears begin to pool.

"Jenna," Kathleen said in a rather strong tone toward her younger sister, surprising Nancy while at the same time convincing her that her sister was privy to information the rest of them were not. "Stop it. They're here now, and I know it wasn't easy for Meredith to get the time off so just enjoy the time we all have to spend together now."

"I didn't…" Jenna began to say, the glimmer of tears a blink of an eye away.

"Jenna," Meredith soothed, thankful for Kathleen's unwavering support, but she remembered her own very limited period of hormonal induced emotions, and made her sensitive to Jenna's, "we're going to come back for the baptism…and that made it harder…since there's no way we're going to miss that," and with that, calmness returned.

"I'm sorry," Jenna said, "everything…all these hormones are worse than ever right now, and I'm grateful…I really am, that you're here," she said, and Meredith glanced at her, and the way her hand rubbed small gentle circles on her belly, and then she stopped and smiled. "Derek," she said quietly and reached for his hand and placed it on her abdomen, "feel…she's been so quiet…since we got here, but now…I think she knows her godfather is here…"

Derek's first reaction was to pull his hand away, but he couldn't hurt his sister that way, yet his heart ached for Meredith, as he saw her turn her face slightly away and raise a finger to dab at the corner of her eye. This too, did not go unnoticed by the three elder Shepherd women as Nancy saw the quiet exchange between her mother and Kathleen.

"She's very active," he said, as she placed her hand over his, "is she like this all the time?"

"She doesn't seem to realize there's not a lot of room in there…Mom was just telling me I was the same way," Jenna smiled, "till the end."

"She's healthy," Derek said, "and you…everything's ok?"

"Yes," Jenna smiled, "but Nancy can fill you in better…even if she's not my official ob."

"Everything's good," Nancy said without elaborating, and she saw Meredith place her hand on his thigh and gently caress him, and Derek's involuntary reaction as he took a deep breath.

"Amazing," Jenna said, misinterpreting his reaction, "isn't it?"

"It is," he said and removed his hand. "I can't wait to meet her."

"We'll send pictures the minute she's born…Maggie promised she'd be in charge of that, that you're the first person that gets her photo," she paused, as though in deep thought, "you and Meredith."

Meredith sat through those moments, willing the words away, wanting to run and avoid having to witness what could have been them…feeling the healthy kicks of their unborn baby…their baby bear, she thought as she gently held Brianna's charm between her fingers, before she felt the warmth of his hand.

"Have you decided on a name," Meredith asked, attempting to deal with the overwhelming emotions seeing Jenna had evoked. She knew it was going to be hard, but she never imagined the depth of her sorrow as she was faced with the reality that if all had gone well, she'd be experiencing the same things as Jenna. For a brief moment her gaze met Carolyn's and in her eyes, found a mother's loving comfort.

"We have," Jenna smiled, "but I've changed my mind so many times, I promised Rob he'd be the first to know…once the baby is born," she said, and they all laughed.

"Meredith," Maggie said, "just so you know, Jenna had picked names for the two younger girls, and when they were born changed them completely…in fact," she teased her sister, "she didn't tell Rob the first time…and he found out when he saw the baby's bracelet."

"He wasn't paying attention," Jenna protested, "that was his fault."

"Right," Nancy laughed, "and the second time…she said, Meghan, it's time to meet your daddy, and he found out the name was no longer Emma Elizabeth."

"I think," Carolyn Shepherd said, "Meredith, and Derek especially must be ready for a break…take your wife Derek…show her around the neighborhood, girls, you can help me with dinner," she said, "take a nap Jenna, I don't want you blaming us for falling asleep midway through the evening."

Derek got up and helped his sister rise from the couch, "do as Mom says…we'll see you later. "Mer," he reached for her hand, "join me for a walk?"

"Yes," she said softly as she held his hand tightly.

"Mom," Derek whispered softly as he put his hand on her shoulder, and she placed her hand on top of his, words unnecessary as it acknowledged his and Meredith's private grief.

"Carolyn," Meredith said and met her mother in law's gentle comforting smile, "thank you."

"Go on," she said, "you need some time together."

They went for a short, mostly quiet walk, though at times he'd tell her of some of his childhood friends, many of their parents still resided in the neighborhood. "That's Alice's house," he pointed to it.

"She's nice, they both were, your Aunt Pat and Alice," she didn't say much more and he allowed her the silence, and he knew it was enough, as she never let go of his hand. Every so often he'd feel a gentle squeeze, and now she'd let go and put her arms around his waist and kept on walking until they were back at his mother's house and he led her to the back porch.

"Can we stay out here," she said quietly, "a little longer?"

"Yes," he said and pulled on her hand until they sat down on old wooden double porch swing glider.

"I don't think," Meredith said, "I've ever seen one of these before."

"It's old," Derek said, "it used to be at my grandparent's house, it was a novelty when we were kids."

"Uhmm…"

Derek slipped his arms around her and she rested her head on his chest, and she felt his lips on her hair, then her temple as he held her tighter.

Meredith took a deep breath, and it was a long while before she spoke. "It's harder," she barely whispered, "much harder than I imagined," and took his hand and placed it on her abdomen, acknowledging the depth of their loss, "I'm so sorry."

"I'm sorry," he whispered, "you have to go through this…I should have realized…"

"I'm ok," she placed her hand on top of his, "I'm ok. But," she turned slightly to look at him, "are you ok?"

"Uhmm…" he simply shook his head, and she wrapped her arms around him.

"I love you."

"I love you too," he said, and she heard the slight catch in his voice, and closed her eyes as she felt the slow gliding motion of the old fashioned seat.

Nancy walked out to the porch, unaware of her brother's presence, the sound of the screen door intruding on their silence. "I didn't know you were here."

"Nance," Derek said, "it's ok, we were ready to go in a few minutes."

"Derek," she hesitated, "Meredith…can I join you…"

"Of course," Derek smiled, "remember when we were kids…"

"We used to fight over these seats," she reminisced.

Meredith was about to sit up straight, "I can leave you two to talk…"

Nancy, who was sitting across from her, reached out for her hand, "don't go."

"You can catch up," Meredith insisted.

"Meredith," Nancy began to say without letting go of her hand, "Derek…you don't have to say anything…at all…but," and she reached for his hand as well, "I'm sorry…so very sorry…for your loss," she said with such poignant emotion both were momentarily rendered speechless.

"Nancy," Derek cleared this throat, "what…what…are you…"

"Nobody's said anything…please," she said, "don't think that, but…I've seen you…the two of you…several times today, the way you reach out to each other, to reassure each other…and when Jenna took your hand," she paused as tears gathered in her eyes, "I knew something had gone wrong…and then I looked over to Mom and Kathleen and there was such sadness in their eyes …I'm sorry…if I'm overstepping, but…I could feel your heartache Meredith…and it just felt that…I had to say something…just to you…nobody else…but wanted you to know…how very sorry I am…"

Derek heard Meredith's short intake of breath before the broken sob, and he saw her squeeze Nancy's hand before she spoke, "we…" she pursed her lips trying to hold back so many emotions, "I had…our baby," the tears fell, "would have been due…about three weeks after Jenna's."

"Oh God," Nancy said with such genuine emotion, that Meredith knew at that moment, that if she'd had any doubts about their future relationship, they were erased in a few seconds time, as her sister in law held on to their hands, "I'm sorry…so sorry."

"Nancy," Derek spoke finally, "we don't want anyone to know."

"I won't say anything…you have my word, but…if ever…if you need anything…to talk…anything at all…"

"Nancy," Meredith said, "your Mom and Kathleen know…but…I don't want Jenna to know, Derek and I agreed…maybe some day we'll be ready to talk about it. But I don't want her to know…I don't want anything but happiness for her…as she waits for the baby," she smiled softly, though sadness remained in her eyes, "Derek's goddaughter."

"Kathleen," Nancy said, "she could have helped…you know she has a group…"

"I know," Meredith told her, "she was there…when it happened."

"Oh…God…" Nancy said again, "Meredith…I'm so sorry…Derek…"

"There'll be other babies," Derek told her, "Meredith and I are sure of that."

"You've talked…that's good…you had a good doctor?" Nancy asked.

"We did," Meredith said, "and Dr. Cameron may not be as good as you…" she tried to lift the sadness that had taken hold of their hearts.

"Meredith," Nancy said in the same lighter tone, "I'm actually a pretty good doctor…so if you ever want to talk…whenever you're ready, I'm a phone call away…anytime…day or night."

"Thank you," Meredith said quietly, unable to say anything else as emotions took hold, and she simply squeezed her sister in law's hand, and an unconditional and understanding bond between them was born.

Carolyn Shepherd could not help but worry when she saw her children on the porch, where a serious conversation was evidently taking place, and she was fiercely protective especially of Meredith today, so she had no qualms about interrupting them.

"Everything ok here," Carolyn's voice surprised them.

"Yes," Derek was the first to speak, "want to sit on the swing with us?"

"What's this," they heard Jenna's voice before she waddled over to them, "are we going to fight over the seats again," she joked over shared childhood memories.

Before the hour was over, Derek would think that fate was determined to rub salt in a recently reopened wound, but fate would disagree; because as painful as the moments that followed would seem, before they went home an unexpected bond was meant to be formed, with a joyful, delightful child with a gentle healing soul. In the years to come, on a very similar porch thousands of miles away, the same group of people would gather and remember this, as the moment fate had smiled and blessed them.

"I guess," Derek tried to be light and teased her, "we can give up our seats. Mer and I were about to leave."

"Derek," Jenna said, "I'm beginning to think you don't want to spend time with me."

"Why would you think that," he said, "I endured how many hours in the presence of eleven women," and Meredith looked at him and then Nancy.

"Eleven women," Meredith said, "Derek, I'm getting worried about you…first…you forgot Aunt Margaret's name," she teased, "and now…you can't count?"

Jenna laughed, "he always told Aunt Pat she counted as four, and tease that she's a calamity for each season."

Derek got up and led Jenna to the swing and she sat next to Meredith, and as he got ready to reach for Meredith's hand so they could go upstairs, Jenna or fate intervened.

"Oh," she gasped, and brought her hand to her side, "you…are not being very nice to your mommy at all…you need to stop with the boxing match," she said as she smiled in spite of the discomfort. "I think she's practicing to be a kick boxer," she laughed, "Meredith…what do you think," she said and took her hand and placed it on her abdomen.

"Jenna," Nancy said, "I'd like to feel her," and got ready to reach across, hoping to spare Meredith from additional grief and heartbreak, but she underestimated her sister in law's strength of character.

"She is," Meredith said, as Derek, Carolyn and Nancy desperately wanted to comfort her, "definitely a kick boxer," and allowed Jenna to guide the palm of her hand to rest where her daughter was determined to make her presence felt.

"I think," Jenna said softly, as she lay her hand on top of Meredith's, "she knows…she has very special visitors today…right sweetie…you've already kicked your godfather, now…it's time to meet your Aunt Meredith."

Derek placed his hand on Meredith's shoulder, squeezing lightly, offering his support and comfort, and then her words broke his heart just a little more.

"Hey little one," Meredith said, "you should be nice to your mommy…try not to kick so hard, let her get a little rest…because she loves you very much…and once you're here…you're going to have plenty of room to move all over the place…what do you say," Meredith closed her eyes for a second, imagining what it would have felt like…if Brianna had been with her still, and gently…tenderly…rubbed Jenna's belly, "and you know what…if your mommy and daddy let you…you can come visit your uncle Derek…and me…and one day…your cousins…and run all over the woods…and swim in the lake…"

"She likes your voice," Jenna smiled, "can you feel the difference," and Meredith could, and marveled at the change, as the baby's movement began to feel like a gentle rolling motion.

"That's amazing," Meredith said, "she does feel…like she's rolling…like a little wave…"

"She likes you," Jenna said, "and I think she's just letting me know…she agrees with her daddy and me…"

"Really…" Meredith laughed softly, "you know that she's agreeing with you…"

"She does," Jenna said, "I'm certain of it…"

"Well," Carolyn said, wanting to end the continued contact between Meredith and the baby, "don't keep us in suspense."

"Meredith, I was going to ask you before…but thought it would be better, if I asked in person…and you don't have to agree, but…we'd …be pleased…I mean, you may want to discuss it with Derek, but …we'd love if you would be the baby's godmother."

Meredith felt the pressure of Derek's hand on her shoulder, "Jenna, let us talk about it…let Meredith think about it."

"Of course," Jenna said, a little taken aback by his tone, and Meredith saw the hurt in her eyes at what seemed to be an implied rejection.

"Jenna," Meredith said softly, "I would be honored…if you're sure…"

"We are…we thought…from the beginning…when you got married…that it was meant to happen…that the baby should have you both as godparents…"

Meredith took her free hand and reached for Derek's, "join us," she said, and he sat next to her, and she took his hand and placed it on top of hers as the baby rolled gently in the confined space, "hey little one…you've got both your godparents here…but just as you're being very nice to mommy now…you're going to need to help me a little, because you're my very first godchild…and I want to make sure…you keep agreeing…that your mommy and daddy made the right choice."

Nancy leaned in and rested her head on her mother's shoulder, as she saw the woman's attempt at hiding her emotions, "don't cry Mom," she whispered, "they're going to be fine."

"You know," Carolyn whispered.

"I know," Nancy said. "Mom, she's the right choice…the perfect choice for Derek…and Jenna's little one…for our family."

The poignant moment would live in their memory forever, just as Maggie and Kathleen joined them, "what's going on…" Kathleen was the first to voice her thoughts out loud, registering concern.

"Your niece," Jenna smiled, "has just met her godmother," and Kathleen's eyes filled with tears as they locked with Meredith's gentle gaze, but bittersweet smile.


	197. Chapter 197

_Thanks so much for you continued interest in this story and for your thoughtful comments, they mean so very much. _

_After I wrote the last chapter realized I'd made a mistake…so I've edited, and now you will see here, that Maggie only has two boys, just a little change, for the sake of future dialogue! As always, the characters speak so much more than I ever expect, so this chapter naturally became two, as it's a lot of family to deal with…I hope you like the glimpses of their family that just seemed to write themselves into the story…_

**Ch 189 – Emotional roller coaster**

Careful not to hurt her sister Jenna's feelings, Kathleen quickly and expertly managed to find the right emotional balance for all involved.

"Ok you two," Kathleen said, "make room…I'm the oldest…"

"That you are," Nancy said, immediately recognizing what her sister was doing, "for almost fifty years."

"Almost," Kathleen countered, "and Nancy you are not too far behind."

"Here we go," Maggie laughed. "Meredith, you'll hear this conversation often."

"Derek," Nancy said, "speaking of old…this swing shouldn't have too much weight on it, why don't the two of you sit on the ledge."

"Remember what I told you Meredith;" Carolyn Shepherd encouraged the change of conversation and the distancing from the previously emotional scene, "they are all bossy."

"They certainly seem to be," Meredith giggled, and allowed Derek to pull on her hand and lead her to the concrete ledge adjacent to the swing. Meredith was touched by the way the three women had so flawlessly pulled them away from a situation, that if she gave in to all she was feeling, would bring on an emotional meltdown; instead, she chose to give in to more lighthearted feelings. This day had already made her come to terms with feelings and emotions that ran deeper than any she'd felt in her life, and in the years to come would look back fondly to this moment; the day his family became truly hers.

"Mer, ever since we were kids," Derek said, "we'd fight over this swing and how many of us could fit. Of course there were the other cousins to compete with as well, and then when it was moved here, we still argued …though we weren't such kids anymore. So, just like now, some of us ended up having to sit here…by the sidelines," he said as he continued to hold her hand.

Maggie's phone rang and she smiled as she talked to one of her boys, "we'll be right there," she said before disconnecting. "Kat, that's our call, kids are at Alice's."

"I thought the kids were coming here." Derek said.

"They are," Maggie said, "but have you forgotten what it's like getting fourteen kids ready for a special dinner celebration, well only twelve tonight, at Mom's? Aunt Pat is driving them to Alice's to get ready, while Nancy's five will be here. So, big brother, enjoy a bit of the quiet before we all descend upon you again," she teased as she and Kathleen left.

"Jenna," Carolyn said, "why don't you go lie down for a while, you know it's going to be a long night," and surprisingly without argument her daughter did.

"I'm going to help Mom in the kitchen," Nancy said. "The two of you should use this as the last of your quiet time for hours."

"I can help," Meredith said, "set the table…or whatever…"

"It's all done dear," Carolyn said, "the girls helped earlier, and Nancy's right, you're going to wish for some quiet time."

"Take our advice Meredith," Nancy told her as she walked toward the kitchen door.

"I think I will," Meredith smiled, "I'll see you in a bit," she said to Derek and gave him a quick peck on the lips, and he understood her need for some time alone.

Derek joined Carolyn, and sat next to her on the swing. "Ma…" he said with deep felt emotion, "it's good to be here."

"I feel blessed," Carolyn told him, "having all my children here. Please, don't stay away so long."

"We won't," he said. "It's all changed Ma…Meredith's changed everything."

"I know she has," she smiled softly and gently touched his check. "I'm very proud of you…and her…how you are there for each other."

"I didn't realize," he said, "how hard this was going to be for her."

"Neither did I," Carolyn said, "and I should have. Maybe suggested delaying your trip."

"Yeah…" Derek said quietly, and that one word spoke of his own sadness.

"It's hard for you too dear. Don't downplay those feelings…I can see how today has affected you too."

"I'm worried about her," Derek said, "only her."

"It's my job," his mother said, "to worry about you both," and they remained quiet several minutes until he spoke.

"Nancy knows," Derek stated.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

"No," he said, "not now, but you can talk to Nancy about it. I'm going upstairs, and make sure Meredith's ok."

Derek walked in their room and saw her discarded clothing on the bed, and heard the sound of the shower. He knew her well enough to understand she had needed some time alone to deal with the rollercoaster emotions she'd experienced today, and was about to relax on the bed when he heard the broken sob, and immediately rushed to open the bathroom door.

He'd expected she would be upset, but he never expected to find her sobbing, heart wrenching broken sobs as she stood under the flowing water and held her hand to her mouth to muffle the sounds.

Without hesitating and still fully clothed, he pulled the glass door open and gathered her in his arms. Uncaring that he was soaked to the skin, he held her until, at some point, he reacted instinctively and shut off the water.

Each broken sob and breath made his heart ache for her, for their loss; but it was Meredith he needed to be strong for, it was she who needed his comfort. He held her and spoke soft tender words, "please…Meredith…please…don't cry…Meredith…I know…it hurts, I do…but…don't cry…tell me…please…what can I do," he said with apparently no success at calming her down, though the heart wrenching sobs that had made him rush to her side had subsided to more intermittent broken breaths as tears continued to flow.

"I'm sorry…so sorry," he said as he continued to hold her, "I shouldn't have agreed to come…I'm sorry…I've failed you again…"

It was not till he uttered those words that she seemed to be paying attention and attempted to pull away from him, but his arms tightened his hold on her, "no…" she met his gaze, "no…Derek," she said softly, though she had to pause as she held her lips together tightly, attempting not to cry, "no more blame…please…we agreed…it wasn't anyone's fault…not unless…" she said as tears pooled making it impossible to see him clearly, "you really think it was my fault…"

"No," he answered immediately, "it was not…and you know that…Meredith…you know it was not your fault," he said, the strength of his hold on her willing her to believe him.

She looked at him with such sadness it was hard for him not to break down, "I didn't want you to see me like this…I thought…" she closed her eyes and he could see her lips trembling, "I didn't realize …"

"Don't ever apologize for what you feel," he said, "or keep your feelings from me…don't keep me away…I need, want to be there…always to comfort you…"

"You have," she said and placed her lips on his, "Derek…you have."

"Let's get you dry," he said.

Suddenly, as though it just registered he'd walked in the shower fully clothed, she said, "Derek…your clothes…you…you just walked in here…they're probably ruined."

"Doesn't matter," he said, "only you do…"

"You matter too," she said noting the deep sadness in his eyes, "to me…you matter just as much to me," and began to unbutton his shirt but he stopped her and reached for a towel to wrap around her and began to gently dry her body.

"Stop," she said as she leaned in to him and pressed her forehead against his, "please…your clothed are soaked," she said, and this time she did help him out of his clothes and then stepped out of the shower enclosure to grab a towel for him. Each took special care with the other, the void of words left unspoken replaced with tender caresses meant to soothe away the sadness that had overwhelmed them both.

"Meredith," he said quietly, tenderly, "are you ok…do you need some time…"

"I'm ok," she smiled at him softly, "are you?"

"You are who I'm worried about," he said, dismissing the turmoil in his heart, unwilling to give in and show her how devastatingly painful it had been to experience the reality that they too would have been marveling at their baby's gentle rolls and kicks, and getting ready for her arrival.

"Derek," she said and cupped his face, "I know, how much today affected you too. You don't have to keep your feelings from me either."

"I'm fine," he said, and she felt the gentle turn off his head, and the softness of his lips on the palm of her hand. "I'm fine," he said again, and she understood the depth of his sadness and knew it matched her own.

"Maybe," she said, more for him than herself right now, "we can spend some time alone, before we go downstairs and see the rest of the family," and embraced him.

"Yes," he said simply, though it spoke of deeper needs.

"Look," she smiled, "I didn't notice before, but these come in handy," she pointed to the robes that had been placed on the door hooks, "matching robes."

"I guess," he said, going along with her clever change of topics, "we were more interested in disrobing earlier today."

Meredith grabbed the larger, dark blue one and held it out to him, "I love the way navy brings out the color in your eyes," she said as she looked him over, then laughed softly.

"You're laughing at me," he teased her, wanting to leave the sadness behind. "I had nothing to do with the color of my eyes you know…that's all Mom and Dad."

She snuggled into him and buried her face in his chest as she giggled, "they have monograms Derek…so very proper…"

"Whoever did that…proper and all…" he joked, "doesn't know us very well…being proper I mean," he said suggestively.

"Must have been Sister Pat," Meredith said with amusement, "she's the proper one."

Derek's laughter echoed through the small bathroom walls, "that nun," he said, "is the least proper of all."

"So it would seem," she laughed along with him, and he reached and grabbed the lighter robe in white and smiled as he took a look at the monogram.

"Meredith," he said as he held the robe for her, "yours has a monogram too."

"Well, they don't have a middle initial for me…so…they saved on one letter…"

"I think they substituted," he told her.

"What do you mean?" His had the traditional S in the middle with D and C on either side, while hers she was surprised followed the same tradition, with the Shepherd S in the middle and M and G on either side.

"You've been branded a Shepherd," he smiled, "I hope you don't mind."

"Uhmm…" she said as he tied the sash around her waist, "do you?"

"I love you, Meredith Grey…" he looked in her eyes, "and that will never change…and if ever you want to be a Shepherd…I'll love you just as much…"

"I love you Derek…and one day," she had told him this before, "when we have our kids…I'll be Mrs. Shepherd…they won't be confused that their mom has a different name," she said and felt his lips on hers gently, before he reached for her hand and led her to their bed where they lay in each other's arms, her head resting on his chest, just like she'd so often done since she'd lost the baby, and wanted the comfort of the gentle beating of his heart.

"Before you," she whispered, sharing her most intimate thoughts with him, "I never imagined…never dreamed I'd think of a man…as one I'd want to spend the rest of my life with," she did not know however, that for him it would be a reminder of the times he'd failed her, the day he'd basically called her a whore, and all these emotions by the end of the night would take their toll on him. "You made me think of babies…and then…unexpectedly," she said as he heard the emotion in her voice, and knew the tears would inevitable follow, "we had Brianna…and I discovered that I had it in me…to love a child…so unconditionally so…completely…in just a few days time…you gave me that…Derek…you made me believe I had it in me…to be a good Mom…"

"You will be…you were…" he said, and kissed the top of her head, and she reached for his hand and entwined their fingers.

"Today," she said, "was amazing…to feel the baby…her kicks…and she rolled Derek…a tiny miracle…a little person…almost ready to be here…"

"I'm sorry," he said, "Meredith…I should have realized…"

"No…don't be…please," she turned her face up to look at him, tears shimmering, "I'm not saying this to be sad…I'm not saying it wasn't hard, it was…it was so hard…to know it could have been our baby…and I know…Derek…I know how much it hurt you too…but…most of all…it was amazing…to feel her…and know that one day…I'll get to experience that too…with you…"

"Oh, Meredith," he said, and she saw all he felt in his eyes.

"My first godchild," he saw the unshed tears as she smiled up to him, "and she likes me already…she rolled…gently…instead of kicking her mommy when I spoke to her…"

They heard a soft knock on the door, followed by a lot of commotion on the stairs "Derek," his mother said, "we'll be ready for dinner in about forty five minutes."

"Mom," he called out, "we'll be down shortly."

"We should get ready," Meredith said, and reached up to kiss him. "I love you."

They were ready to see the rest of the family and walked out of their room, but had not expected to see his mother walking out of hers. "Perfect timing," Carolyn smiled, but the ever alert mother's eyes saw Meredith's own puffy and red rimmed. "Ready for a bit of chaos," she said, and linked her arm through Meredith's while one hand offered a gentle reassuring squeeze.

"Mom," Derek said, "it's not so bad."

"Let's see what Meredith thinks," Carolyn said, "before you go home."

"Mom," was the first thing, or scream rather, they heard as they stepped onto the foyer, after the slamming of the front door, "we're here, and Michael's making fun of me…"

"Amanda, Michael," Nancy's voice got louder as she came out of the kitchen, "the two of you better stop your bickering right this second."

"But Mom…" Meredith smiled at the miniature replica of Nancy, short hair and all, "he said I was just like you…and you're old…"

"Hey baby," Nancy couldn't help but laugh, "just think, he could have said you were just like Grandma."

Amanda turned quickly to her grandmother, also noticing her uncle and Meredith, "Mom, I love grandma," and rushed to Carolyn's open arms.

"I gather," Nancy smiled at Meredith, "she loves me too."

"Mom," the ten year old said, "I love you…even if you're old. Uncle Derek," the little girl said, "you have grey hair …not a lot…but…you look handsome, just like my dad."

"Your dad's older," Derek laughed and hugged her.

"You're Aunt Meredith," Amanda turned to her smiling, "cause that's who we came to meet. You're younger than Uncle Derek and his other wife."

Meredith was not sure how to respond, except, at least she was being referred to as Aunt Meredith, and that may be an indication of acceptance, at least it would seem that way.

"I'm very happy to meet you Amanda," Meredith smiled at her, "and I think you should be very happy that you look like your mother, you're beautiful," she said. The little girl had porcelain skin and dark red almost auburn hair and twinkling brown eyes.

"We get to stay up late tonight cause you and Uncle Derek are here," Amanda smiled, "I like that I look like my Mom, she's beautiful," she said as she hugged her mother, "but that's not what Michael meant, he said I was bossy, and I'm not."

Clearly, Meredith thought, this was a bossy child, and she saw Nancy's failed attempt to contain her laughter.

"Did you bring us gifts?" Amanda asked.

"Amanda," her grandmother and mother said at the same time, "you know better than to ask for gifts…"

"Mom," the little girl said, "Uncle Derek always brings gifts."

"Because it's usually Christmas," her mother said.

"Oh…sorry," she said with a pout.

"Amanda," Meredith said, "I think there's a chance there may be a small gift for you."

"That's awesome…and you're pretty."

Meredith laughed, "because we brought gifts."

"No," Amanda said just as the door opened behind her, "cause you're prettier than Addie, and you make uncle Derek happy."

"You," a deep man's voice said, "must be Meredith," he said and extended his hand. "I see you've met our daughter," and he turned to Derek and they exchanged a brotherly embrace, "good to see you Shep."

"Meredith," Nancy said, "my husband Mike," and she kissed him hello, "and Michael, the other half of the bickering team. Where are the girls?"

"Alice's," Mike said, "they'll be here shortly. "Hi Mom," he said as he kissed Carolyn's check.

"Hi son," Carolyn smiled. "You're on carpool duty today."

"Tomorrow too," he put his arm around Nancy's shoulders. "She's spending the night here, something about girl's night."

"Michael," Derek turned to his nephew, "you've grown taller than me."

"Like two years ago Uncle Derek," he smiled, "you just didn't believe me when I emailed you, even when you saw the pictures."

"Meredith," Derek said, "this is my godson, Michael Derek…and he's going to go to college on a full baseball scholarship."

"That's a little soon, Uncle Derek…by the way the all the guys in the team think my autographed Mickey Mantle baseball is a good luck charm."

"Hope you have it in a safe place," Derek told him.

"I do…they only get to see it once, and then Dad put it in a sealed acrylic container so they can see it but don't mess with it," he told his uncle, obviously pleased with his gift, and at that moment began a night of small revelations about Derek and the closeness he felt toward his family, making Meredith realize how incredibly significant this trip was to him and his sisters, and thus listened attentively to every detail as she continued to meet the rest of the children and husbands.

"What's going on in here," Maggie came in from the kitchen, followed by who Meredith assumed was her husband. "I thought my two were loud, I've just been lecturing them in the kitchen, so they're on kid duty."

"Kid duty?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Maggie said, "at the kids table, they're in charge of the seven younger ones, so we can eat in peace."

"Meredith," the very good looking man said, "I'm John, and as you will discover, my wife," he was holding her hand, "is a dreamer…because there is no peace at dinner with twelve kids."

"John," Carolyn said, "don't you greet your mother in law?"

"Mother in law," he said with a pout, "I'm…wounded…"

"Behave," Carolyn said as he engulfed her in a bear hug.

"I love you Mom," he said, and Meredith knew the depth of the bonds that existed between them, he could not be the son in law they all joked about, which left only Jenna's husband. Then, John said, "Mom…I heard about what Aunt Pat said," and he smiled and winked at her.

"John," Maggie said, "don't even think it…"

"What," he smiled at her, and Meredith saw the twinkle in his eyes, "I haven't said anything."

"You better not…" Maggie muttered.

"Are you planning on saying hello," Derek said.

"Shep," John turned to him, "I have to greet your wife first," and he kissed Meredith on the cheek. "Welcome to the family Meredith, you won't find a better one…anywhere."

"I believe you're right," Meredith kissed his cheek and smiled at him and Carolyn.

"Shep," John turned to him and just as Nancy's husband had done, shared a brotherly hug with Derek. "Man, we've missed you like hell. It's good to see you."

"I've missed," Derek took a deep breath, "all of you."

"Why are you all standing in the foyer," Maggie said. "Meredith, come meet my boys, and don't worry, you are not expected to remember names or who they all belong to."

"Aunt Maggie," Amanda said, having observed all the adult interaction. "Why not?"

"Because," Maggie hugged her, "there's a lot of us to meet and remember all in one night."

"I remember," Amanda countered.

"Yes," her aunt said indulgently, "but you've had a lot of years to learn them."

"I think," Amanda said, "she'll remember me."

"Sweetie," Maggie's husband laughed and lifted the little girl up in his arms, and she began to giggle, "you are unforgettable."

The group made their way to the kitchen where two teenage boys each held a dish rag and were drying pots and pans, "when we picked her name," Nancy's husband said, "we liked it because it meant lovable," he laughed, "little did we know she'd embarrass us at the most inopportune times."

"She's still lovable," Nancy told him, "but…she does have a way of saying everything she thinks."

"I think it's lovely," Meredith said, thinking back to her own childhood, where being heard was hardly ever an option, "she is so spirited…and secure…that you love her."

Derek exchanged a glance with his mother, she too, had understood the meaning behind Meredith's words, and mother and son wished Ellis Grey had recognized the beauty of her daughter's gentle soul.

"Uncle Derek," two voices rang out simultaneously, and Meredith was stunned by the boy's almost identical look. If she had not known better, she'd have guessed they were twins. Both boys stopped what they were doing and walked over to greet their uncle.

"Aunt Meredith," one of the boys said, "Mom said we could come visit you and camp out on forty acres."

"Wait," Michael, Nancy's son said, "why do they get to go…Uncle Derek, I'm your godson…I was even named after you…why…"

"Boys," Meredith said, "wait," she smiled wanting to use their names, "John and Jason…and Michael, you can all visit…as long as you clear it with your parents and your Uncle," she smiled at Derek, that knowing smile that said, you fix it, I'm going to be the nice aunt.

"That's not fair," Amanda said, "just because they're boys…I want to go to that forsaken wilderness too…"

"Forsaken wilderness," Derek laughed, "that's what you called it," he turned to Nancy.

"I may have said that," Nancy said, "at some point. But, Kathleen and Kevin raved about it, even Mom…"

"Why are you using my name in vein," Kathleen said, "Nancy," she joked as she walked in the kitchen followed by a number of new faces.

"Aunt Meredith told us," one of Maggie's boys said, "Michael and us can go visit anytime."

"And it's not fair," Amanda insisted, "I want to go to…"

"Why can't we go," echoed several younger voices, "Mom said we were going to go camping too."

Derek turned to Meredith and smirked, "walked right into that one…how do you think we're going to fix it?"

"I guess," she joked with him, grateful to see a genuine smile on his face, "we're going to have to hire someone to run a summer camp," she said, and at that moment his love for her grew even stronger. He would reminisce later, he had not thought it was possible to love her more, but he did, each time he saw the efforts his wife made, and succeeded at opening her heart to his family, and thankfully, they reacted in kind.

"Ok," Kathleen said, used to the chaos, "quiet all of you, and go line up."

"Mom…Aunt Kat," were the whines and complaints heard immediately.

"Do as your mother says," Carolyn Shepherd commanded.

"Derek…" Meredith said.

"Watch," he chuckled quietly, and drew her close to his side and put his arm around her waist, and they followed the kids out of the kitchen to the living room.

"What have they done," they heard Aunt Pat's familiar voice, "that you have sent them to line up like the Von Trapps?"

"The Von Trapps?" Meredith turned to Derek, "as in the movie?"

"The very same," he smiled and kissed her.

"Meredith, Derek," Nancy said, "take a seat."

"Aunt Meredith," Amanda stood next to Meredith for a second, "told you…my mommy's bossy."

"Amanda," Nancy said and the little girl smiled at Meredith and walked away.

"What's going on," Jenna said as she walked in the living room, then laughed, "the Von Trapp's…what did they do?"

"Just watch," Maggie laughed, and Meredith saw how she put an arm around her sister and asked, "you feeling ok? Did you get some rest? It's almost time Jenna," and she hugged her.

Derek realized Maggie was leading Jenna to the couch, and wanting to avoid a repeat of the days' earlier scene, no matter how much Meredith told him she was ok, he led her to a big chair where they could both sit. Maggie and Jenna sat down on the couch, and he saw the smile on Jenna's face when Maggie placed her hand on her belly, "she's quieted down…since this morning."

"She has," Jenna smiled, "she loves her aunt Maggie too," she said as the sisters shared a private moment.

"Who's missing?" Kathleen said.

"What…" Jenna said, getting all teary eyed, "my babies aren't here…"

"Yes," Kathleen said, "they are, Rob was pulling up just as I walked in, and don't you dare cry," she said and the smaller girls giggled, "I would not forget my littlest nieces."

Right on cue, the front door opened and a little whirlwind rushed to find her mother, oblivious to the multitude gathered in the living room.

"Hi Mommy," Jenna's three year old came racing toward her and put both small hands on her tummy, "hi baby," she kissed her mother's belly, "love you."

Jenna hugged her and Maggie lifted the child to sit on Jenna's lap, "hi aunt Maggie," the little girl smiled, "my baby sister is in Mommy's tummy…"

"Hi Mommy," another little girl came to hug Jenna, "I love you."

"Hi sweetie," Jenna said, "did you have a good day?"

"The best…Daddy got us and we went for ice cream…" she said as she hugged her mother and then she too greeted her baby sister with a kiss.

Meredith reached for Derek's hand and entwined their fingers and met his gaze smiling, but felt him stiffen, and sought to reassure him, as she'd do often that evening, but she knew that just as she had tried to be open about her feelings about this day, about the many emotions she'd experienced, he was keeping his bottled up, and t was all in an effort to spare her feelings, and all she wanted was the opportunity to do for him what he was doing for her; what he'd been doing for her since the night she'd miscarried; she wanted to be his strength as he had been hers.

"I'm ok," she whispered in his ear, "it's lovely to see them like that."

The rest of the kids were restless and wanted to get on with their evening, "Mom, we're hungry." one of Kathleen's said. "Can't we do this after dinner?"

"Sorry," the young girl said at the glare from her mother. "That wasn't nice, but we haven't seen Uncle Derek in forever…we want to hug him…and talk to him…"

"In a minute," Kathleen said, her resolve weakening, her youngest child had her wrapped around her little finger. She smiled, thinking back to the conversation during the afternoon, and Aunt Pat telling Maggie she was having more kids, and then she beamed as she saw her husband walk in, remembering the day she'd told him she was pregnant almost six years after their fourth child.

"Ok then," Nancy said, "everyone's here."

Carolyn sat next to Maggie on the couch, allowing Jenna's husband to sit next to his wife. The tall handsome man leaned down to kiss Jenna, "how are my girls?"

"Happy," Jenna said and brought his hand to her abdomen, "she met her godparents," and kissed him back.

"She did," he smiled, "maybe her daddy should too?"

Meredith and Derek got up from their seat to greet the new arrivals, and she found herself engulfed in a bear hug. "I'm happy to meet you Meredith. I'm Rob, as you may have guessed, Jenna's husband."

"Derek," Rob said, "we've missed you around here. Thanks for flying out," he said, "it meant a lot to Jenna to meet Meredith before the baby was born."

Derek smiled and hugged the man, just as he'd done with the others, and said quietly, "not to mention she was driving you crazy."

"You have no idea," he said equally quiet, "but…" he grinned, "I would not change a single minute of it…ever."

"Three girls," Derek said.

"Three healthy girls," Rob said, "that's all that matters…and Jenna being ok."

"Thank you," Derek said, "for taking care of her…she's …"

"The little sister," Rob said, "I know…I'll never forget your lecture."

"Rob, Derek," Jenna said from the couch, "stop whispering it's not polite."

"Derek's just grilling him," Meredith told her, "making sure he's taking good care of you," she said, and everyone laughed. "Why," she said to Derek, "are they all laughing at that?"

"Because," Maggie said, "just as Jenna drives Rob and all of us crazy with her dripping faucet," she rubbed her sister's belly as she smiled, "Rob hovers all the time…whether she's pregnant or not…so now…he's driving us all crazy."

Kevin squeezed Kathleen's hand and walked over to Meredith and hugged her, hoping to interrupt any more pregnancy talk. "You decided to brave the chaos," he said jokingly, "and meet the rest of the family," and then quieter, he asked, "how are you holding up?" Meredith understood his question was addressing their shared experience, and would always be grateful for the way both Kevin and Kathleen in subtle caring ways expressed their concern over the loss the couples shared.

"I'm happy to be here," she told him sincerely and hugged him back. "It's good to see you."

"Shep," Kevin and Derek exchanged an embrace, "I'm glad you're finally here. If you guys stayed away any longer, I was going to have to start sending you my chiropractor's bills."

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked.

"Your sisters… all four of them have been a pain in the ass, if you'd taken longer to get here…I'm sure they'd have…"

"Dad, Daaaad….Uncle Kevin," several pitches of girl's voices echoed.

"Dad made a mistake," Kathleen said. "He did not mean to say that."

The boys snickered, "right…"

"Did you boys say something?" Maggie asked from the couch.

"Nothing, Mom," one of them said.

"Hi Mom," Rob said to Carolyn as he leaned down to kiss her cheek, "did she drive you nuts all day?"

"No Son," Carolyn smiled, "you warned me about the radishes, and I had chocolate ice cream."

"I can hear you," Jenna said as her husband sat next to her, "let's get this over with Kathleen, I'm starving."

"You just ate," Nancy said, "an hour ago."

"Have you forgotten…what it's like to be three weeks away from …"

"No." Nancy said. "I just think you're eating too many sweets."

"Jenna," Rob said, "honey…you know…"

"Nancy," Jenna glared at her, "you're dead...you're not my doctor."

"We'll talk about this later," Nancy said, wanting to end the baby conversation.

"I don't think…" Jenna argued.

"I do," Nancy said emphatically. "We'll talk later."

"I don't know," Michael, Nancy's son said, "why get in trouble for bickering…you all still do."

"Don't be disrespectful to your mother," Nancy's husband said.

"I think," Patricia said, "the Von Trapp introductions should get started, because I'm starving too…and food, or rather lack of it seems to affect this family adversely."

"Welcome to the family," Derek teased Meredith as he sat down again, and pulled her down on his lap. "Told you," he smiled at her, "you'd fit right in."

"Ass," Meredith said without thinking.

"Aunt Meredith…." several little girl's voices echoed. "That's not a nice word."

"You're right," Meredith said, "it's not. I'm sorry, I won't say it again."

"Wanna bet," Derek whispered in her ear, and she smacked him lightly.

"Mommy," Jenna's six year old said, "does Aunt Meredith have to go on time out, like Daddy does when he says a bad word?"

"Not this time Meghan," Jenna smiled, "and she won't say it again."

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "as you know, my daughters and now you've seen their families, seem to have a flair for the dramatic…and can't seem to do anything simply, such as introducing you to their kids."

"Mom," Kathleen laughed, "that was your favorite movie…and we liked that scene, with all the kids lined up introducing themselves."

"I don't think," Maggie laughed, "it was Aunt' Pat's, cause she did the opposite as Julie Andrews. She became a nun, instead of leaving the convent," and the rest of them laughed.

"All kidding aside," Kathleen said, "we thought it might be easier to break them up by family groups," she winked at Meredith, "so we'll start with my bunch. But, first, I think it's Derek's turn," and there began the introductions.

"Well," Derek said, "I know how long my sisters can talk and you're all hungry, so we won't keep you waiting," he pulled on Meredith's hand and they got up and he put his arm around her, and his words were mainly directed at the kids. "I've been away a long time, and all of you kids have grown so much…I want you to know how much I've missed you…and how happy I am to be here now…and that you get the chance to meet my wife, Meredith. She's your Aunt Meredith …and when you all get older, you'll understand and remember that the first time you met her, I told you she's the love of my life…and that I hope you'll love her just as much as I love each of you."

"Mommy," Jenna's little one said, "it's a hard name…Aunt Merwewith."

"It's easy Meghan," her six year old sister said, pronouncing it incorrectly as well, "Aunt Merdith."

"It's hard," the little one said and Meredith could see the tears begin to gather, and surprised Derek by letting go of his hand and going over to pick up the little girl.

"Meghan, sweetie, it is hard to say, how about if I help you?"

"I can't say it, Aunt Merwe…"

"We can practice after dinner," Meredith told her as the little girl wrapped her legs around her. "Would you like that?"

"Yes….please…."

"Ok," Meredith said, "we'll do that."

"You're pwetty," the little girl said, as she touched Meredith's hair, "like Mommy."

"Want to know a secret," Meredith said to her.

"Yes," Meghan answered; eyes wide with expectation.

"I think," Meredith smiled at her, "you're beautiful," and the little girls beamed. "Would you like to say hello to your Uncle Derek?"

"Hi," she said smiling, "Uncle D…" she used the name she'd dubbed him, unable to say Derek when she'd last seen him. "I missed you lots…"

"I missed you too baby," Derek reached for her.

"I'm not a baby," she pouted. "Uncle D…the baby in Mommy's tummy."

"That's right," he said and hugged her. "Can I have a kiss?"

"I love you Uncle D…Mommy show me your picture all the time…"

The rest of the introductions were done quickly and before long all were sitting at the dinner table. "Carolyn," Meredith said, "everything looks beautiful…we didn't want to put you to work…something simple…"

"Nonsense," Patricia said, "dear, she's been planning this since she got back from Venice, ironed the tablecloth twice before it went on the table."

"It's the one you bought," Meredith said, "when we were in Venice."

"It is," Carolyn said, "I told you…for the first time you visited…a very special occasion."

"Mom," Derek said midway through the meal, "this is the best dinner…ever…"

"I think" Carolyn smiled at her son, "it may have something to do with the company," she placed her hand over his, "the love of your life…specifically."

"I think," Meredith said, "it has to do with being here," she paused briefly, emotion had got the best of her, "with…family."

"Cheers," was echoed throughout the room, allowing her to hide the tears as Derek pulled her into and embrace and kissed her.

The bickering from the other table was becoming louder. Meredith recalled that Carolyn had told her they'd always planned a big family, and when they were looking for a house the dining room had to accommodate at least twelve adults, and have the ability to expand for grandchildren, and she could see though her Irish had not lived to see the grandchildren, Carolyn had made sure there was that adjacent space for a table filled with their grandchildren. "Kids," Nancy said, "stop it."

"But Mom," one of her kids said.

"But nothing," Nancy said, "you know better."

"Aunt Nancy," Kathleen's youngest said. "You're not being fair…it's my brother's fault."

"Logan," Kevin called out, "are you suddenly five?"

"Dad…you're going to believe her over me…"

"Yes," Nancy giggled.

"Be quiet," Kathleen giggled as well.

"She's got you both so wrapped around her little finger," Maggie said. "I've never seen anything like it."

"You will," Patricia said smugly.

"Aunt Patricia," Maggie said seriously, "we already had this conversation."

"I know dear," her aunt smiled, "I'm just trying to make sure you're ready, because if you think Kevin and Kathleen are bad, it's going to be nothing compared to you and John."

"Mags," her husband turned to her, "honey…you only said…"

"Look at what you started," Maggie said, "Aunt Pat, tell him you're joking."

"Mary Margaret," her aunt said, "I'm a nun. You know I can't lie."

"Aunt Pat," John, Maggie's husband continued smiling, "you weren't joking…today?"

"Aunt Pat," Maggie said, "do not encourage him."

"Honey," John nuzzled her neck, "only you do…just by walking in a room."

"Whatever she said," Maggie whisphered to him, "does not mean I'm going to get pregnant."

"Honey," John insisted, "are you forgetting her track record," he chuckled. "You know, I'd love a little girl…even another boy."

"Stop whispering you two," Jenna said, "it's impolite and John, you know I'm nosy…what the hel…heck," she stopped herself, "are you whispering about?"

"Maggie's trying to forget Aunt Pat's psychic abilities," John told her.

Meredith could not believe the conversation and blurted out, "you're joking…a married… well…widowed grandmother…psychic nun…what else?"

"She also skydives," Carolyn said, and then with a deadpan expression. "She wanted to see what it felt to be like the flying nun," and laughter erupted as the twelve adults joined in the joke.

"It's true," Jenna said after she stopped laughing, "Meredith, she does…she skydives."

The rest of the meal continued as the family Meredith had just met shared more of themselves, while laughter and toasts were heard throughout the night.

"I think," Derek said before they were ready for dessert, "if Mom doesn't mind, we can get the kids gifts now."

"We wish," Kevin said, "you had not done that Shep, I heard about the ideas my crazy wife was giving Meredith."

"Your crazy wife," Kathleen said, "we'll see about that…Mom, you do know I'm spending the rest of the week here, right?"

"You are not," Kevin kissed her on the mouth, "you know I'm teasing. But, Kat, you told her about the boots…and then you've done nothing but complain you don't know what you're getting Allie for Christmas," he said referring to their oldest daughter, Derek's godchild.

"You weren't kidding," Meredith turned to Derek, "when you said that Kathleen never gives away what's on her list…that she doesn't like to have to replace what she's already decided she's getting…and you let me do that…you …"

"It was already too late," Derek told her, "and you told me she said it was ok…that she couldn't find them."

Kevin looked over to Kathleen smiling, and whispered, "you let her get the gifts you had for the kids...you really like her don't you?"

"I love her, she makes my brother happy," she kissed him back. "So, I have to look for another gift for Allie…there's worse things…but them here…like this, honey…they've come such a long way from my trip to Seattle."

"What is with the whispering tonight," Jenna protested.

"No idea," Maggie shrugged her shoulders, and looked at her mother, "but may have something to do with our brother being home…and Mom's new daughter," she smiled at Meredith, "and that certainly deserves a toast."

"Yes," Nancy said, "it does…Mom was right…we have a new sister."

Meredith had thought earlier in the day, that she'd been through the entire gamut of emotions. But, this moment, the genuine affection from his family was something she had never expected and she took a couple deep breaths to keep from crying, and Derek drew her close to him, "I love you."

"Me too," she said and snuggled into him. This too, the open display of affection between them, was something he'd brought to her life.

"They're all kissy kissy…" one of the girls said from the nearby table, "just like Mommy and Daddy…it's gross…" and the adults at the table had to laugh.

"Girls," Derek turned to them, "just remember, you are not supposed to kiss boys until you're all grown up."

"You mean," Nancy's Amanda said, "when you're old?"

"Yes," Derek said, "when you're old like your Mom and Dad…"

"Uncle Derek," Rebecca, Kathleen's youngest said. "You are so silly. We can't be that old, cause then we won't have babies."

"Go ahead," Kevin said laughing, "you explain it."

"Derek," Meredith whisphered, "it just dawned on me…Allie, she's twenty four…and he," she giggled quietly, "Kevin thinks she hasn't…"

Kathleen, who was sitting next to Meredith leaned over and said, "bite your tongue," and both women giggled, "I don't need a husband freaking out…or beating up a boyfriend."

"Meredith," Jenna said across the table, "you can't do that…you can't keep secrets. You're the baby's godmother…no secrets from her mother…"

"You're going to hold that over me, aren't you?" Meredith stated.

"Whatever works," Jenna laughed, "I'm a very nosy Meredith, you know that by now."

Meredith laughed and said without thinking, "Derek she's going to be worse than I was with Mark."

"What," Jenna said, and everyone was listening, "does Mark have to do with being a godparent…and why would you hold anything over …wait…do you mean…you two…"

Derek realized how important it was to end this conversation quickly, "Meredith's just joking Jenna. He blurted out to everyone he was our best man, even before I proposed and there was a bit of an incident about taking bets, so Meredith kept threatening him he wouldn't be best man if he didn't stop with the bets.

"Bets," Patricia said, "that sounds as interesting a story as the one about Meredith at the convent. "I think," she said, "it's time we get this show on the road, so the little ones can be off to bed soon."

"Aunt Pat," they heard from the nearby table, "it's not fair...we never get to listen to the grown ups."

"Well," Carolyn Shepherd said, "you will tonight, just for a little bit, since it's a special occasion and you're going to get to watch the video of Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith's wedding. The boys snickered, the little girls clapped delightedly. One of the girls said, "oh my goodness," and quickly got up from the table and walked over to Meredith, "were you wearing a wedding dress…just like a princess…" it was Nancy's eight year old, and youngest daughter Emma, one of the two girls that she'd bought Barbie Princess dolls.

"It was a surprise; I mean your Uncle Derek surprised me, so we didn't have time to have a big wedding, so I was wearing a regular dress…"

"Was it pretty…and white?" the other girls asked, as they too had walked over to her.

"No," Meredith said, "it was blue…"

Derek pushed his chair back, and picked up the little girl and put her on his lap, "Emma, it was blue, because Aunt Meredith knew it's my favorite color," he told her, "and she looked beautiful…more beautiful than a princess."

"He's got it bad," Patricia smiled at her sister, "and thank God…so does she."

"Thank God," Carolyn said, "Pat, they found each other."

"Ailene," Patricia smiled at her sister, "six more grandchildren…"

"Six…Patricia…" Carolyn just looked at her.

"Maggie's twins, Meredith…and Jenna…"

"Jenna again," Carolyn said and laughed, "will I survive it?"

"All of them…" Patricia said, "and I'll be right here," she laughed too, "to help with Jenna's cravings."

"Twenty one…" Carolyn sighed.

"Twenty one grandchildren…"

"I miss him," Carolyn said suddenly as her eyes watered, "moments like this. Pat, I miss my Irish so much…"

"I know," Patricia said, as the sisters exchanged equally sad and understanding smiles. "I do know…but Ailene," she used her childhood name again, as they did in these sentimental moments, "they're here…right now, they're with us…all the time, in our kids, in our grandchildren," and she felt her sister's hand in hers. "We were lucky…with our loves…that once in a lifetime."

"So are they," Carolyn said as she glanced at her children.

"Oh yes," Patricia agreed, "they all are…but, Kathleen and Kevin…and Derek and Meredith, those couples…are special…"

"Remember," Carolyn said, "Mom and Dad…"

"Oh yes. Ailene…Dad…adored her, and we got lucky you and I…to have that in our marriages too."

"Ok," Jenna said, "Mom…Aunt Pat…even the two of you are sharing secrets…"

"Jenna," Carolyn said, "they're not secrets…you all know how we feel…we're talking about how lucky we are…to be sisters…for our families…for each of you…and …how lucky we were…to have our husbands…even if it was only for a small while."

"Granma," Jenna's little one walked up to her, "can I sit with you…please?"

"You sure can," Carolyn picked her up, "how's my little one?"

"I love you Granma," she reached for her face with both small hands, "you have happy cwying?"

"Yes…honey…happy crying…"

"Cause why?"

"Because," she smiled at the little girl, "your Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith came to visit and all our family is here."

"But Granma," the little girl said, and following in her mother's footsteps, tears began to gather in her eyes, "Allie's not here…and Laura…" she referred to the two oldest grandchildren.

"Well," Carolyn said, "they're away at school, you know that…but, that means almost everyone is here, and that makes me very happy."

Meredith watched the little girl with her grandmother, as they were sitting to Carolyn's right, and reached for Derek's hand and met his gaze and smiled, and then whispered to him, "one day…our little ones will be here."

"Yes," he whispered back, and kissed her temple, and said a silent prayer that God would one day bless them with the fulfillment of Meredith's dream. The beautifully spiritual and healing dream, that had made Brianna a loving memory in their lives, and given them a glimpse of what the future may hold. Their home filled with laughter and three children to fill their hearts with joy.


	198. Chapter 198

_Thanks so much for reading and your comments. This is the longest chapter in this story, but felt for it to flow it should be just one. I found myself a participant at their family gathering, which I hope you will enjoy. I wanted to give Meredith a family that accepted her, unconditionally. Wish you and your loved ones a Blessed day of Thanksgiving._

**Ch 190 - Promised dreams**

Dessert was a relatively quick transition, in spite of the many times one or another group of family members was asked to smile for a photo, though it was Kathleen that managed to get some of the most poignant moments of the evening without the subjects being aware. Most everyone seemed content to enjoy the sweet delicacies, and Derek took the opportunity to go upstairs and bring the gifts. Once the kids saw the three big shopping bags their uncle took into the living room, there wasn't a snowball's chance in hell to bring the noise level down again.

"Enough, all of you," Mike, Nancy's husband spoke several minutes later, "go in the living room, quietly."

"But Dad," one of his daughters said, "it's like Christmas…Uncle Derek brought gifts."

"Young lady," her father simply stated, and it was enough for all of them, as silence did reign for a rather short period.

"You guys are too damn serious," Derek said when the kids had walked out.

"Yeah," Mike said, "talk to me when you've had 16 years of raising kids, and trying to discipline them. Not just mine…but fourteen…at any given family gathering."

"Come on Mer," Derek grabbed her hand, "old people have no sense of humor."

"Old people," Mike said with a mischievous grin, "Meredith, you should know this one has been known…"

"Mike," Carolyn said, "you know how I feel about son in laws."

"Oh shit," Mike joked, "Shep, see what you did…"

Meredith looked around the room to make sure the kids were gone, "you know, I don't believe any of you any more," she said, and Derek smiled at the bossy tone, and more so that she felt comfortable enough with his family to call them, sort of, on the carpet. "You've obviously all been putting me on…what the hell's the deal with the son and son in law crap? Mom," she said as the word easily rolled off her tongue, "Jenna's right," and Meredith actually pouted. "It's not nice to keep secrets…or make a gullible idiot of me…"

"Meredith," Mike laughed, "she's not kidding. Her favorite is Kevin…no doubt about it. The rest of us…we're all on the shit list every once in a while."

"Meredith dear," Carolyn said, "do you think I'd lie to you?"

"Well," Meredith hesitated, "no…"

"Good answer," Jenna's husband Rob chuckled and turned to Jenna. "Right honey?"

"Meredith," Jenna laughed, "it's true. Kevin's really the only one that is always her son, since we've been stuck with him since before most of us were born. The rest…they all happen to be on good behavior right now…thanks to all the work they put in…"

They heard laughter and giggles from the living room, "we better go in," Maggie said. "Aunt Pat's with them, God knows what she's telling them."

"Maggie," Meredith said, "she's a nun…she's not going to corrupt them," then laughed, "is she?"

"Last time we talked of her sky diving," John, Maggie's husband said, "Aunt Pat showed them an old Flying Nun episode, and Rebecca, that's Nancy's little one," he clarified, knowing how difficult it was to keep everyone straight, "was convinced she could fly if she became a nun."

"She was six years old," Kathleen defended her niece, "and Aunt Pat can be very convincing."

"Honey," Kevin said, "it's ok. You don't have to psychoanalyze it. It happened."

"Ass," Kathleen said, and walked out of the dining room carrying some dishes.

"Let me help with cleaning up," Meredith said and started to carry some dishes to the kitchen.

"Absolutely not," Carolyn said, "my girls will take care of it. You're our guest tonight, you don't need to be in the kitchen." Meredith's reacted instinctively, years of rejection never a far enough memory, as she retreated emotionally, and Carolyn realized her mistake immediately.

Meredith responded quietly, shyly, "yes…of course…and I should have already thanked you for a lovely dinner." She turned to Derek, "we should…go, give the kids their gifts."

"Meredith," Carolyn turned to her, "please come with me."

"Mom," Derek's tone warned, he was not going to have anything else upset her today.

"We will be right back," Carolyn said and looked at him, her chin raised, with a don't even think of following me expression, and led Meredith to the large pantry adjacent to the kitchen.

"I…" Meredith began, "apologize…if I was rude, I was only trying to help. I don't do family gatherings…I'm not sure what the rules are…being a guest…in your home."

"There are no rules," Carolyn said softly, "I'm the one that should apologize…you are not a guest in this home, I saw your expression when I said that…you are my daughter," she assured her, "I had hoped you knew that by now…that there were no doubts…that we had gotten beyond that…that you know you are one more member of this family."

"We did…we have," Meredith told her, "it's just, I'm not always sure…about family things…and …"

"Listen to me," Carolyn told her, "there's a reason…we don't want you in the kitchen…"

"I didn't break anything…before…" Meredith said defensively, "and I'm not cooking…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn laughed. "I don't care about that…even if you broke every plate and cup in my kitchen…material things aren't important, you are…" she told her, and as it reminded her of the same words Derek had used earlier, her eyes filled with tears.

"Meredith," Carolyn said softly, "sweetheart, what's wrong?"

"Nothing," Meredith said, and cleared her throat, "nothing…really…"

"I've lots of experience you know," Carolyn told her, and reached out to hug her, "with my daughters' tears."

"Carolyn," Meredith said, and remained quiet when she felt she'd start to cry all over again.

"Meredith," Carolyn soothed her, "you were crying…earlier…when we were coming downstairs…what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she repeated, "really…just…today…today was hard…much harder than I expected."

"I know," Carolyn spoke softly, "and I'm sorry…so sorry you had to go through that…sweetheart so many times today I wanted to hug you, and wished I had made sure you didn't visit until after the baby was born…we should have realized, how hard this would be for you…how you'd feel…so you see, I'm the one that owes you an apology, because I should have made sure I took care of you…that you didn't have to relive all of your sadness…and then I was careless in the way I used my words…you are my daughter Meredith…from the moment I met you…"

"Carolyn," Meredith admitted, "it was hard…it was…and my heart was breaking…when I felt the baby…" she didn't care that her tears were falling. "I kept thinking…that would have been me…and how I couldn't…I didn't …Derek wants that…and I couldn't…"

"But you will," Carolyn said with steel determination, "you will have that…I know, as you do…remember you dream Meredith…your beautiful dream…"

"I want that," Meredith admitted, "I do…but part of me is scared, that it can happen again."

"It won't," Carolyn told her, "in my heart, I know it won't."

"Mom…" Meredith said as though weighing her words.

"That's my girl," Carolyn said, "hearing you say that…calling me Mom…sweetheart it warms my heart every time…don't stop using it…whenever you feel like it's right…call me Mom."

"Whenever it happens…when…I'm pregnant again and it's time for the baby…will you be there…when the baby's born…please…"

"Oh…Meredith," Carolyn shed her own tears, "of course I'll be there…any time…all the time, whenever you need me or want me with you…I'm a call away…and I'll be there."

"Thank you," Meredith said, and hugged her mother in law tightly, "I love you…Mom."

"I love you too, Meredith…don't ever doubt it…or forget it," she said, "now wipe those tears, and go join my son before he comes looking for me to tell me off for upsetting you."

"Carolyn," she said, "I do feel…like I'm part of the family…just…ignore me…when I get all dark and twisty."

"When you get dark and twisty," Carolyn said, "sweetheart that's just when the Mom in me can't ignore you…that's when I have to make sure I'm there."

"Carolyn," she said again, "Mom…why can't I go in the kitchen?"

Carolyn laughed, "that…is a surprise…and the girls will kill me if I ruin it," and with that, she linked her arm through Meredith's and led her to join the rest of the family.

"Where were you?" Amanda blurted out, "Aunt Meredith…we've been waiting and waiting."

"We have, Aunt Meredith," Rebecca, Kathleen's youngest said, "we still need to watch your wedding video and our attention span is not really great," she said and Meredith laughed at the nine year old's language, "at least that's what Mommy says to my brother all the time…tops a half hour, and the video is like two hours long."

"Rebecca," Kathleen said, "Dad can take you to your grandmother's…and you don't have to watch at all."

"Mom," Rebecca walked over to her, "I'm sorry…I want to see it…you said it was beautiful…and I just don't want to fall asleep," she said so sincerely, her mother had to turn her face so her daughter wouldn't see her smile.

"Are you ok?" Derek whispered to Meredith.

"Yes," she whispered back, "they have a surprise for us, and they're hiding it in the kitchen, that's why she didn't want me there."

"You've been crying," he accused softly.

"Happy crying," she lied, and turned her face to kiss his lips.

"Promise…"

"Promise…" she lied, and smiled at him, not wanting him to realize how much of an emotional toll this day continued to be for her.

"Uncle Derek," Katie, Jenna's oldest, said to him, "how come you kiss Aunt Merdith so much?"

"Because I love her, a lot…"

"That's what my Daddy says…he loves Mommy a lot."

"What do you say," he lifted the little girl in his arms, "if we start opening your gifts?"

"That's awesome…" she said, and made him chuckle.

"I guess," Derek said, "we should start with the youngest ones…"

"Uncle Derek," protested one of the older girls, "that's not fair…"

"What are you complaining about," one of the boys said, "you're number nine…you don't have to wait that much…"

"Number nine," Meredith turned to Jenna, "what does he mean?"

"Birth order…oldest is one…youngest is fourteen," Jenna said, "for a few weeks anyway, till this one becomes fifteen," she rubbed her belly gently.

"Who wants to be my helper…I need an elf," Derek said, and Jenna's little one, immediately ran over to him, "me…Uncle D…me I be your elf…"

"But…you get your present first," he teased her, "how are you going to help me if you have yours already…"

"I wait…Uncle D … we give all the pwesents…just like Santa…"

"I like that idea," he said, fondly remembering past Christmas days, when they all had to wait until everyone had one gift, and then they could open them.

"I'm your elf too Uncle Derek," Katie said, "so we can go faster."

"All right then," Derek said, "here we go," he said, and looked for the names Meredith had written on each of the gifts she'd insisted he help wrap earlier that morning, before they came downstairs for breakfast. Within three minutes the presents were distributed and opened, to the exclamations of delighted surprise.

"Derek," Kathleen was the first one to react, "are you out of your mind? Actually, Meredith, you're out of your mind…I knew about Allie but that was because it's also her graduation…but this, Derek…you know we have a thirty dollar limit on gifts…except at Christmas…I cannot believe…"

"Kat," he said, "I haven't been home in two Christmases...and Meredith …"

"Had no time," Meredith said, "but to buy these…and some weren't thirty dollars…"

Maggie laughed, "no, not individually," she said, "but when you buy five different things of My Little Pony, it adds up to a lot more than that…"

"It was my first time…as Aunt Meredith," she replied, "we won't spend so much next time."

"This is interesting," John, Maggie's husband chuckled. "you're bit…" he stopped himself from saying bitching, "complaining about their gifts…need I remind you…Kevin and I have visited the chiropractor twice since…"

Nancy smacked her brother in law playfully, "John…" but what she said next was not heard by Meredith and Derek as the youngest of the grandchildren ran to her mother.

"Mommy…look…" Meghan said filled with excitement, "baby pony like my baby sister…pony has pafire…"

Jenna smiled, "the pony has a pacifier, just like we bought for your sister."

"Look Mommy…he say I love you…"

"What do you say," Jenna asked her, "for your present?"

"Thank you Uncle D," she turned to him and smiled, and then ran to Meredith, "thank you Aunt…Mewe…" she became frustrated.

"Meghan," Meredith picked her up and sat her on her lap, "I have an idea…"

"What," Meghan cuddled her baby pony.

"You know how it was hard to say Uncle Derek, and you call him Uncle D," Derek was looking at her with such tenderness; both his older sisters exchanged smiles.

"Cause I was little and it be hard…"

"Well, Uncle Derek's name starts with the letter D…do you know what letter your name starts with?"

"M…" the little girl beamed at her, "letter M…"

"My name, Meredith, starts with the letter M too, just like your name, maybe it's easier if you just say Aunt M…"

"Aunt M…" the little girl tried it out and wasn't too convinced, "Aunty M…" she said, "I like Aunty M…"

"Then that's what you'll call me…" Meredith smiled at her.

"Aunty M," the little girl smiled and held her pony out to her, "I love my baby pony…thank you," she said and put her little arms around her neck and kissed her.

"Your welcome sweetie," Meredith hugged her back, as her gaze met Derek's.

"And her pafire…that my favorite color…"

"It is," Meredith said as she held it out to her, "purple's my favorite color too," and the little girl giggled and smiled. "Cause you my Aunty M…"

"Yep," Meredith told her, "cause I'm your Aunty M…" and she held Derek's gaze, willing him to understand she was fine. That so far, she could do families.

The next hour was spent with each of the kids talking and thanking Meredith and Derek as each gift was a hit with the kids. Derek knew they would not get to spend much time together the next day as he intended to spend the night in Manhattan.

"Uncle Derek," Maggie's oldest son said, "this is great…I've been wanting one of these but Mom and Dad…"

"Don't thank me…Meredith picked them out," Derek told him.

"Thanks…" he said, "it's a great gift," he said a bit shyly, "it's really nice to meet you too. Mom said you were really nice…but, we weren't sure…if you'd be friendly or not…cause you know…Addie…she didn't have a lot of patience with us kids…"

"But you like Uncle Derek's woods…and living in a trailer," his younger brother said, "so we figured you were probably ok."

"Did I pass the test," she smiled at them and teased, "was I ok?"

"You're lucky, Uncle Derek," the younger boy, "she has a sense of humor too," he said, and thus began his light crush on Aunt Meredith, which did not go unnoticed by Derek.

"She's pretty smart too," Derek said. "She said you could come visit…"

"Mom said we had to wait till summer," the oldest one said.

"Time goes by fast," Derek said, "you'll see. But you have to stop growing. You're both as tall as I am."

The boys laughed, "you're not that tall Uncle Derek," the younger one said, "not like Dad," and Meredith giggled, earning a scowl from Derek.

"Ah…" she kissed him, "you're tall enough for me," then whispered seductively, "and I wouldn't trade a single inch of you..."

"Tease…" he laughed. "In front of your family…when you know there's nothing…"

"My family," she raised an eyebrow.

"Yes, they're getting in the way of me…seducing my wife…they're your troublesome family right now," he said, and she threw her arms around his neck and kissed him.

"Just what we needed," they heard one of the older boys say, "another kissing couple…as though four weren't enough."

"You weren't thinking that the other day," Jennifer, Nancy's sixteen year old told her older cousin, "when you were making out with that hussy…Olivia."

"What the hell do you know about that," Kyle responded much too loud.

"Son," Kevin said, "watch your language."

"What the hell are you talking about," Kyle pulled his cousin aside.

"She's not nice Kyle," Jennifer said, "and she's going to prom with a senior, so don't be fooled by her."

"Just because you don't have a boyfriend," he retorted.

"You're her boyfriend now? Are you out of your mind?" Jennifer said louder than intended.

"You have a girlfriend," his younger sister said, "Mom…Kyle was a girlfriend…"

"Nicole," Kathleen reprimanded, "mind your manners."

"But Mom, Jen just said…"

"We were talking about some friends, not that Kyle has a girlfriend," Jennifer said, careful not to hurt her cousin's feelings or betray his confidence. They were a few months apart in age, and had always been close, but she was very mature and levelheaded for her age and was very protective of him as well as the other younger cousins. "You and I will talk later…" she told him, the girl he was talking about was a year older than him, and typically involved with more than one guy at a time.

"Jen, honey," Kathleen spoke to her niece, "please call Alice, tell her we're about to watch the video. Boys," she called out to the older kids, "come finish helping me in the kitchen," she said and all five teenagers followed her, helping to finish clean up as well as take out the garbage.

"I'll get the girls ready for bed," Jenna's husband said, "they're probably going to crash after so much excitement, so they might as well have their pajamas on already."

"Help me up," Jenna told him.

"Stay," Rob told her, "I'll do it."

"I want to," she smiled at him, "it will help me burn some calories…so I can eat cake."

"You are incorrigible," he extended his hand to her.

"We're going to get the girls ready for bed," Jenna said, "while Kat finishes up in the kitchen and Alice gets here. We won't be long, so we can watch the video."

"Mer," Maggie said, "from what you said about the video, we thought we'd watch the wedding with the kids, and get them off to bed and then just the adults…we can stay and watch the reception…and talk…"

"Mom," Jennifer whispered to her mother, Nancy, "you said I could stay…watch the whole thing."

"You will," Nancy said, "you're not a kid anymore," she smiled at her. "Who is Olivia?"

"Mom…" the young girl protested, "that's between Kyle and …"

"Honey," Nancy told her, "I know you always look out for him…like you do the other kids…but sometimes, there's things you may need help handling…you're still my baby…you know, even if you are sixteen…"

"Mom," Jennifer assured her, "if I can't handle it…I'll talk to you…ok…"

"Ok," Nancy accepted. "But…Jen, whatever it is, I'm always here."

"I know Mom," Jennifer told her, "I can come to you with anything. I'll go help Aunt Kat in the kitchen," she whispered, "with the surprise."

"Thank you," Nancy told her.

"Mom," Jennifer said before walking away, "she's really nice. You like her now."

"Yes, honey, she is, and I really do like her. I wasn't very fair when I went to Seattle."

"She seems to like you, like she's ok with …whatever happened," the young girl said.

"She is," Nancy told her daughter, "and I'm very happy your Uncle Derek has found someone that loves him so much."

"She's not cold," Jennifer said, "not like Aunt Addie was, sometimes."

"She's not cold," Nancy said, "not at all."

Alice and her husband walked in and after the introductions to Kevin's father, the older woman smiled and handed them a thin box wrapped in silver, "it's a belated wedding present."

"Alice," Derek said, "there was no need."

"Of course there was," Alice kissed his cheek, and then Meredith's, "Kathleen's shared your lovely romantic wedding…and well…open your gift."

Meredith did, and was taken aback by the obvious expense of the wedding gift; a silver Christofle picture frame. "It's beautiful, thank you."

"We saw so many beautiful photos of that day," Alice told her, "I was sure you'd want to have more than one of them displayed, and should have a special frame…for such beautiful moments."

"There were," Derek told her, "many special moments. Thank you Alice, Tom."

"You're like one of our kids Derek," Tom said, "family."

"Granma," Jenna's little one came rushing in the room and ran to Carolyn. "We gonna see a wedding."

"We are," Carolyn told her. "A very special wedding."

"Uncle D and aunty M's wedding," her eyes were wide open, "on a boat…"

"A gondola, baby," their aunt Patricia told her, "it's called a gondola."

"Why not boat?" the little girl asked.

"It's just like a boat, because it floats, but you'll see," Patricia told her, "it looks different."

"Aunty Pat," the little girl looked at her, "you drive to school when we get up?"

"Your daddy will take you tomorrow," she smiled at her great niece, "but you'll get to come home with me."

Kathleen came back in with the boys, and soon all the adults were settled on the two couches and various comfortable chairs that filled the living room that was always set up to accommodate at least twelve adults, and as many children scattered on the floor.

"Derek, are you going to narrate?" Kevin joked.

"I think," Kathleen nudged her husband playfully, "the video will speak for itself, but just in case," she settled back into his arms, "all you need to know is that it takes place in Venice…a very romantic city," and for the smaller kids benefits, "and there's no cars because it's an island where instead of streets, they have canals…so you travel from place to place…on a boat…or like we did, a water taxi, and later a gondola…" she finished just as they saw the images on the screen, an edited version of the women getting on the water taxi and their arrival at City Hall, and then the brief moments that neither Meredith or Derek had seen that morning, of each other as they waited for the moment of their ceremony; a small glimpse of Derek's nervousness and Meredith's exchange with her friends and his mother right before the wedding.

The light strings of the harp were heard with Mendelssohn's Wedding March from A Midsummer's Night dream, and Derek and Meredith's eyes met, their gazes locked, never wavering until she was at his side and not a single adult was unmoved by the poignant ceremony witnessed.

The boys grew bored, and one snickered, earning a light smack on the back of his head, either by his mother or aunt, and the others knew to keep quiet, even if they agreed it was rather boring to watch. The girls on the other hand, even the younger ones, watched the fifteen minute ceremony without complaints, but got restless as soon as the wedding party moved to the hall area where numerous photos were taken.

Meredith's sentimental tears were matched by Jenna's and all his sisters, as well as the three older women. Derek kissed her temple as he held her close to him, "happy tears…"

"Very happy tears," she whispered back, as she held his hand in hers.

"That was beautiful," Patricia said, "the most romantic…beautiful ceremony I've ever seen…I cannot tell you how happy it makes me to have shared this with you."

"Meredith," Alice said, "you were a beautiful bride. You were glowing."

"She was," Kevin agreed, "Mom…she was glowing, but so was Shep."

"Men do not glow," Nancy swatted her brother in law, "stop making fun of my brother. He never looked happier or more in love."

"On that note," Patricia said, "I've got lots of ducklings to take with me," she said "and get ready for bed."

"Pat," Alice said, "you stay, Tom and I are taking the kids with us. You enjoy the rest of the evening. Here's the key to the back door, you and Jen can come in later," she smiled at Nancy's daughter.

"Mom," Kathleen said to Kevin's mother Alice, "I'm going to come with you get them settled."

"Kathleen," her father in law said, "we can handle ten kids," he said referring to the fact that all the kids were sleeping at their house, with only Jenna's younger girls staying at Carolyn's with their parents. "We've had more than twenty grandkids at a time, ten kids will be a piece of cake."

"Wait," Jenna said, "before the kids go, we should have a family photo, all of us…I know Kat's been snapping away, but it would be nice to have one of all of us together," and with that another twenty minutes of joking and laughter ensued as they finally managed to get one perfect shot, according to the expert family photographer, who directed the group with precision.

"Aunt Pat," Meredith said, after the photos were taken, "guess I need to add professional photographer and director to my earlier assessment."

"Honey, you'll discover more," Pat laughed. "I just don't want to overwhelm you with all my talents," she said as Meredith giggled and Pat gave her a quick hug.

"Meredith," Carolyn said as she overheard the exchange, "she's also an expert at making you believe she's more talented than she really is…"

"Carolyn," Pat said, a tone that indicated this was an ongoing debate, "just because I'm more adventurous than you…"

"I was a navy nurse," Carolyn told her, "that was as adventurous as I could stand," and both sisters laughed.

"Especially," Pat said, "her attempts at keeping all those navy officers at bay…"

"Aunt Pat…" Nancy protested, "that's off limits," she said, and Meredith knew she'd have to ask about that… later!

"Dad," Kevin said once the kids were gathered to leave, "if you need us to come over…"

"We won't," his father said, "we'll see you in the morning at breakfast. Your wives are supposed to sleep late tomorrow, but each of you," he said to the three men whose children were sleeping at his house, "need to be there to help with breakfast in the morning," he said, and he and Alice gathered all the kids and walked across the back yard to their home.

"Mommy," Jenna's oldest said, "I'm sleepy."

"Daddy will take you up to Grandma's room, ok?" Jenna said.

"I'll take her," Maggie said, "Rob, stay here," she said as she smiled at her brother in law, who was gently rubbing his wife's belly, following their baby's movements.

"Good night Mommy," the little girl said, "Daddy," and gave them each a kiss, and then kissed her mother's tummy, "night baby…sleep tight."

"Come on, baby Kat," Maggie said, using an often used endearing nickname, as she'd been named Kathleen for her aunt, but they'd settled for Katie as soon as she was brought home from the hospital; then picked her up, "you get to sleep in grandma's big bed."

Conversation followed between the adults while Maggie was upstairs, and Meredith and Derek got to speak to Jennifer, Nancy's oldest daughter.

"You've become a beautiful young lady, Jen," Derek told her, "and sensitive. I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with your cousin."

"Boys don't always think things through…you know, and he's my cousin…I can't keep something important from him," she said without elaborating further.

"You're right," Derek said, "in looking out for him."

"Uncle Derek," she smiled, "it's really good to see you. We've missed you a lot."

"I've missed all of you too," he said, "but we should be visiting more often now."

Meredith had remained quiet, accepting that his niece must have many fond memories of Addison. "Mere…sorry," she said, "Aunt Meredith…"

"You can call me Meredith…I understand…you just met me, and it's been Aunt Addie for a long time."

"I only called her that when I was little," Jennifer said, "she was just Addie …"

"What do you like to be called," Meredith asked her, "Jennifer or Jen?"

"Either's ok," she smiled at her. "Meredith," she said, and Derek did not really care for it, but was not about to say anything, he knew it was important to Meredith that the kids accept her. "I loved the gift you bought," she smiled, "you bought enough make up for the rest of the year…and next, I really like everything you picked out."

"I was hoping," Meredith told her, "it was going to be ok, I don't wear a lot of make up now, but I do like what they have…"

"I don't use a lot of makeup either, but all you got was just right. It's even the same nail polish color I use," she said, and they spoke for a few more minutes before Maggie joined them.

"Ok," Nancy said, "now that the kids are gone…we can enjoy the reception," she smiled as did her other sisters, and they played the rest of the video, pausing to make comments at their leisure, and then after Meredith noticed Kathleen had texted someone several times, her phone rang.

"Perfect timing," Kathleen said, "hold on, talk to Jenna while we get everything ready," and she handed her the phone as her other two sisters and husbands followed to the kitchen.

"What's going on," Derek asked and nobody answered him.

"Our surprise," Meredith smiled, "I'd guess."

"You're very calm…considering you don't like surprises." He told her.

"I trust your Mother," she told him, and Carolyn heard her and smiled.

"I'm putting you on speaker phone now," Jenna said as she saw Kathleen walk back in the room holding a small replica of their wedding cake, plates, champagne glasses and three bottles of champagne.

Meredith was stunned. "It's like our wedding cake," she said in awe of the detail that had been put into their surprise, "and champagne Grey," they heard Mark's voice through the speaker phone, "I can't be there to toast with you …but Cristina and Lexie are joining me later for a drink at Joe's in your honor…yours and Shep's," he said, and stayed on the phone while they set everything up, including opening a bottle of Martinelli's Sparkling Apple Cider for Jenna to toast, and they all did…each with their own special message to the newlyweds.

Jenna naturally cried, and Meredith was not far behind with the shedding of emotional tears on this night, when his family truly became hers.

"Jen, honey," her father Mike said after they'd all had cake and she'd even been allowed a half glass of champagne, "I'll walk you to Tom & Alice's, you've got school in the morning," and she said goodnight to everyone.

"Uncle Derek," she walked up to him and Meredith, "it was a beautiful wedding," she said, "I'm glad you found each other…I hope I'm lucky one day to have someone feel about me, the way you feel about each other" she smiled and looked at Meredith. "I think," she told her, "I'd like to call you Aunt Meredith…if you don't mind."

"I don't mind," Meredith smiled, and couldn't help but to get teary eyed yet again today.

The young woman smiled at her and then hugged her and said quietly, "I wanted to make sure," she said, "that you're going to be around…for a long time, you know…as an Aunt."

"I plan on it," Meredith said, "for a lifetime."

"I believe you are," Jennifer told her, "aunt Kat was right," she smiled at Meredith, "she said when she came back…she'd been to a wedding…of soul mates…and you can see that, in your wedding video…you can see that."

"This is my cue to leave too," Patricia said. "When I have my own escort home."

"Am I driving you to the convent?" Mike teased her.

"Don't mess with me Mike, I can still tell your Mother what a disrespectful…"

"You're bluffing," he laughed. "By the way, are you allowed to spend the night out…sleeping around," he joked with her.

"You know," Carolyn, "I think this one is fast becoming a son in law."

"Don't worry son," Carolyn told him.

"Don't worry today," Patricia laughed, "since you're all riding the coattails of good behavior, after you had to take away that entire monstrosity."

"You're not kidding," John, Maggie's husband laughed, "I was serious when I said Kevin and I had to visit the chiropractor."

"You know," Derek said, "each of you has rambled on…" he smiled at Meredith, "not quite the rambles of Meredith proportions," he said, as she smacked him playfully and mouthed, "ass," and he laughed. "But, what's all the talk about chiropractors…and Mer what else was it they said…pot calling the kettle black over thirty dollar gifts?"

"Shep," Kevin said, "thanks to your sisters…every one of them, that nagged for weeks, and kept coming up with new projects to do, we had to carry all your old furniture out of here before the room was redone, and the new furniture was brought in. We spent a weekend painting the room and then retouching after the guys that delivered the furniture nicked the walls…and Mom had to have the entire house repainted for your welcome home…"

"Mom," Derek said, "why…there was no need. Mer and I didn't need for you to go through all that extra work…and expense…"

"Honey," his aunt Patricia said, "the labor was free…hence the sons…no in laws…for now," she laughed, "and the expense," she winked at him, "talk to your sisters…"

"Aunt Pat," Nancy said in a tone filled with warning.

"Don't use that tone with me," Patricia said, "we all know you can be," she smiled, "mcbitchy," she laughed, "it's so much nicer…than…just the word…"

Meredith buried her face in Derek's neck and laughed before she heard a whisper in her ear, "not nice to laugh at the nun," Patricia told her which only turned Meredith's laugh into giggles.

"By the way," Patricia grabbed Mike's ear and pulled on it, "you young disrespectful…"

"Aunt Pat," Mike protested, "that hurts."

"It's meant to," she said, "you should know that. You were in my first grade class, and experienced it plenty. Wise ass," she said, "don't look at me like that, Jen's heard the word before and the little ones are gone. Nuns, when they sleep out," she said with a serious tone, "get special dispensation…"

"Really," Mike taunted, "from whom?"

"My boss," Patricia said.

"Aunt Patricia," Jen joined in, "you don't have a boss."

"I do honey…but…if they don't know…can't get reprimanded."

"Just what I want my teenager needs to hear," Mike said.

"Oh, lighten up Mike," Patricia said, "she's got a good head on her shoulders."

"Come on, you old nun," he said, "it's too late for you to be out causing trouble," he put his arm around her shoulders, and his daughter followed, "Nance," he winked at her, "wanna walk home with me, so we can make out on the porch?"

"Don't make promises you can't keep," Nancy answered her husband.

"Do I ever," he said, as he reached for her hand and pulled her off the couch.

"I guess we'll find out," she smiled and walked out with him.

While Mike and Nancy were gone, the women, except Jenna whose little one, Meghan, had fallen asleep on what was left of her lap, picked up the flutes, plates and utensils and finished cleaning up the kitchen, and soon no trace was left of the dinner that had taken place.

"Mommy," the little girl said groggily as she woke up, "I want Big Bear."

"He's upstairs sweetie, how about if Daddy puts you in bed with Big Bear."

"I sleep with Grandma," she rubbed her eyes, as she lifted her face from her mother's lap and her mother reached up to hold her, while the little girl wrapped her hands around her neck, and Jenna asked her husband for help as Meghan clung to her very pregnant body.

"Honey," Jenna said, "take her."

"Daddy, you have Big Bear?"

"He's upstairs," he kissed the top of the little girls head. "How about you kiss Mommy goodnight," he said and sat down next to his wife to make it easier, and started to get up when the little girl stopped him.

"Daddy wait…I kiss my baby sister," and he put her down so she could follow her nightly routine since they'd told her about the baby, and she kissed Jenna's tummy, "nighty night baby," and then she smiled delightedly, "mommy…she said nighty night…cause she kicked me…"

"I believe she did," Jenna smiled, "and that's telling you she loves you too…just like Mommy…"

"And daddy," the little girl said.

"And daddy," Jenna answered in what was obviously a nightly routine, "and Katie…"

"And Grandma…Aunty Pat and Aunt Maggie…Aunt Kat…and Aunt Nancy," Jenna smiled indulgently at her little girl, and to move things along finished for her, "and Uncles Mike, John, Kevin…and Uncle D..." Mommy the little girl interrupted, "my Aunty M…"

"Yes sweetie," Jenna smiled at Meredith.

"Can I give her a kiss mommy?"

"Yes, you can."

"Aunty M…" the little girl looked up at her, "you love me too?"

"I do," Meredith said," sleep tight sweetie…and have lots of pretty dreams."

"Aunty M…" the little girl lifted her arms to be held, and Derek picked her up but she put her arms out for Meredith to take her, and when she did, Meghan put her small hands on her cheeks and kissed her, "Mommy forgot…God loves me too."

"Yes," Meredith said, past the lump in her throat, amazed at the flood of emotions awakened in her, emotions for family members she'd never expected to have.

"Rob," Jenna said, "honey, help me up…"

"I'll put her to bed," he said, Meghan now back in his arms.

"I want to change into something comfortable," she said, "it's going to be a long night."

"Jenna," he teased, "you're propositioning me…right here in front of the family…"

"You think," she looked at him, "I'm talking s-e-x…are you insane…"

"You didn't think that this morning," he whispered.

"I wasn't tired this morning," she laughed, "you know that," she said not as quietly, "morning s-e-x…that's …"

Derek groaned, "can't get away from it…"

"Ah…" Meredith whispered, "we like morning sex too…"

Derek laughed, "my sisters…Mer…they're determined to talk about this in front of me."

"I think," Maggie walked up to him, "I'm the only discreet one," and then said, "John and I…we prefer…" she teased him.

"Stop," Derek laughed.

"Kat's right," Maggie said, "you've become a prude."

"He has not," Meredith defended him, and with that the three couples and their mother laughed.

"Derek, sweetheart," Carolyn said, "you should know better by now. Whatever you don't want…your sisters are going to feed you extra doses."

"I'll be right back," Jenna said, "don't think this slow waddle is going to stop me from getting back here quickly…and spending the night talking away with my brother and new sister."

"I'll be right back," Meredith turned to Derek, "she's got a good idea, I'm going to get out of these clothes," she referred to everyone being in their Sunday best, as jeans had not been an option this evening, "and get comfortable too."

"I think both of you girls had a very good idea," Carolyn said, "I'm going to take a shower now, since I know it will be early hours of the morning before the girls are done talking," and she went upstairs alongside Meredith.

"Carolyn," Meredith told her, as they reached the door Carolyn's room, "everything's been lovely…every minute of it."

"Even when you thought I'd turned into the hateful mother in law," Carolyn said, "keeping you out of the kitchen."

Meredith kissed her check, surprising them both, "thank you for being so accepting…even when you knew I wasn't always the girl moms would like…"

"Come in here for a second," Carolyn interrupted her and led her in her bedroom. "Look at this," she said standing by her nightstand and picking up a photograph. Meredith looked around her room, and noticed the nearby round table filled with photographs of her family, and then there were a few on this table.

"It's…" Meredith took the frame from her hand, "Kathleen took it …when she first visited," and she recalled the moment that had been captured. She was sitting on his lap and they were smiling at each other, his hand on her abdomen, and moments after Kathleen had been overjoyed to discover Meredith was pregnant.

"I didn't know it then," Carolyn said, "but, when we came back from your wedding, she told when it had been taken."

Meredith took a deep breath, "we were so happy…and then…"

"I'm not showing this to make you sad," Carolyn said softly, "but for you to know how much you mean to me, and that you understand that I believe you are the girl, the perfect girl for my son to bring home and share his life with."

"You are determined…" Meredith's eyes watered, "to have two leaking faucets."

"I'm determined," Carolyn told her, "that you never again have any doubts about your place in my home and in my heart."

Meredith wiped away the sentimental tears, "I can't let him know I've been crying, he's already worried about me too much today…"

"He loves you, and is concerned about you, we both have been today."

"I'll be ok," she admitted, and it would be the first of many times throughout the years she did not feel she had to avoid her feelings, and would look for comfort from his mother.

"I know you will," Carolyn put her arm around her, and Meredith accepted the mother's nurturing. "Because, I've seen the depth of your love for my son and his for you, and how you are both first concerned about the other, and that in itself is enough. But, Meredith, even though I did not know how significant that moment was for you," Carolyn said, "and how much heartbreak if would bring as well, from the moment you spoke to me of your sadness I've prayed…prayed for you both, and then when I understood what this moment meant, that the look in your eyes held the joy of a new life, I've kept this photo here…and every morning and every night as I say my prayers, I ask God that one day He will Bless my children with that same joyfulness...that same look of expectation…over the life they've created…and Meredith…I know he will answer this one. He already gave us a beautiful gift in Brianna…your dream…I know that will come true."

Meredith embraced her, "He already answered one of mine too," and she made no attempt to hide her tears, "first with Kathleen…then you…and now…a whole family."

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn smiled through her own tears, "and He gave me another daughter."

"I love you Carolyn," Meredith said tenderly.

"I guess," Carolyn teased her, referring to the back and forth between Mom and Carolyn, "I'm going to be the see-saw Mom…"

Meredith laughed through her tears, "probably…till I really get used to it."

"Now," Carolyn said, "go wash your face, and no more tears tonight."

Meredith sat with the frame in her hand, looking at the happy image of her and Derek, and then said quietly, "Mom…I brought some gifts for Jenna's shower, but I don't want to have to go through opening them now…it's…I bought them, and that was difficult, but…her opening them…right now…it's too much. There's one gift, it was very sad for me to buy, but so precious, but right now it would be hard for Derek to see…but he'll like it…after the baby's born."

"I'll take care of it," Carolyn told her, "she'll get them that day."

"They're all wrapped," Meredith said, "and I'll leave them in our room, and the one wrapped in pink…you'll see what I mean, about Derek liking it when he sees the baby wearing it."

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "you don't have to be the godmother. Sweetheart, I can talk to Jenna."

"I want to be…she's my first godchild…and that is very special. Jenna trusted me…and I don't want her to know about my miscarriage…not now…"

"She would understand," Carolyn insisted.

"I want to be…with Derek…our first godchild together, that's a blessing too…"

"It is," Carolyn agreed, "and she's a very lucky little girl to have such a beautiful godmother…in all ways that matter…a daughter I'm very proud of."

Meredith pursed her lips, "you have no idea…how I feel…to hear a Mom say she's proud of me," and Carolyn Shepherd embraced her, and in that moment Meredith allowed his mother to become her own, even if would take a considerably longer time before Mom was the only name she used.

Derek had stayed behind talking to Maggie and Kathleen and their husbands, and was beginning to get impatient about Meredith and his mother being gone so long and was about to go looking for her when Jenna and her husband joined them again in the living room.

"Jen," Maggie laughed, "comfortable enough?"

"It's just us," Jenna told her, "and you've seen me in a nightgown before, and don't even think of mentioning how big I look…"

"You look beautiful," John, Maggie's husband said, "and I'm not joking," he looked at Maggie with a grin, "I loved when Maggie was pregnant…she always looked beautiful."

"He did always tell me that," Maggie said and surprised herself at the odd sentimental yearning of years past, "and you do look beautiful Jenna…you are not even as big as I was…you're smaller than with the other girls."

"Kathleen," Meredith said as she walked in the room with two wrapped gifts, "these are for Allie and Laura," she mentioned Kathleen's oldest daughters, "since they'll be here this weekend."

"Meredith," Jenna said, "the girls loved their gifts, but you really should not have done that, you're going to really spoil the kids if every time you come home…"

"It was our first time here," Meredith said, "as Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith, we won't break the thirty dollar rule again," she smiled.

"Likely story," Maggie said, "Derek's never been able to keep it straight…"

"By the way," Jenna asked just as their mother walked in the room, obviously opting for comfort as she'd donned a warm up suit, "Nancy and Mike aren't back yet?"

"They must be making out on the porch," Carolyn said.

"Mom," Derek joked, "what's happened to you? You never used to talk about sex…or what led to it…must be you're hanging around that liberal nun too much."

"Derek Christopher," she said, "it could simply be the fact I know a little bit about sex myself," and his sisters laughed at his obvious discomfort over the conversation.

"It's ok big brother," Jenna laughed, placing a baby monitor on the sofa table to hear if the girls woke. She took over one couch and found a comfortable position as she lay on her side and used her husband's legs as a pillow. "Mom's got a clue about the birds and the bees," she said, and reached for her husband's hand and placed it on her abdomen allowing him to feel their baby.

"First drink's on me," Kevin said and walked over to the liquor cabinet they all kept stocked with their favorite drinks, "now that's it's really all adults only…Jenna, I'll get your glass of milk," he teased her.

"Smart ass…" Jenna said, "just for that, wait till I send the baby to spend the weekend," she smirked, "when Kathleen's on call."

"It will be a year before you do that," Kevin laughed, "you'll never let her out of your sight before then, and then she'll be sleeping through the night."

"She may not send her," Rob joked, "but I will, with the other girls…so I can spend some time alone with my wife."

"Rob," Jenna said, "you'd do that…" and he knew he'd put his foot in his mouth. "You're already tired of the baby and she's not even here…" the tears gathered.

"Honey," Rob said tenderly, "you know I'm kidding…don't you remember, I didn't even want you to leave the girls with your Mom…here away from our house, when I took you to your doctor's appointment…and Katie was six weeks old…"

"But you said," Jenna sniffled.

"Jenna," he caressed her belly gently, "honey…you know I was kidding," and she seemed to accept it as she was distracted by Nancy and Mike walking in the room.

"Nancy," Kevin joked, "Mom was about to send Derek out to scold you…"

"Whatever for?" Nancy said.

"Making out in the back porch," Kevin laughed.

"It would never happen," Nancy stated.

"Really," John laughed, "never made out on the porch?"

"Derek would never willingly risk witnessing any of us making out. When Kat was visiting them, he didn't even want to hear about Kathleen calling Kev for a bit of …"

"Phone sex," Derek decided to play right along with them.

"Shit," Kevin said, "Shep, you're not supposed to talk about that in front of Mom," and everyone roared with laughter, effectively setting the mood for the hours that followed, where naturally after a few drinks, everyone felt fairly free to say what came to mind.

"By the way Jenna," Maggie said, "why do you insist in saying I have the majority of the boys…I only have two…and so does Kathleen, the majority would mean I have at least three boys…"

"I know," Jenna said, "it means you have at least three."

"Since I know you have not been drinking," Maggie told her, "when did you stop being able to count then…"

"Maggie," Jenna said, "wait, I can't do this laying down, Rob help me sit up."

"This is going to be good," Kevin whispered in Kathleen's ear, and she turned to kiss him and said, "I'm sure of it."

"Kat," Jenna said, "no secrets tonight."

"Of course not," Nancy said, "you're too damn nosy."

"Talk about nosy," Jenna said as she stretched her legs in front of her and used Rob as a cushion for her back. "Who flew to Seattle to find out about the …"

"Jenna," Derek said very annoyed at the comment he thought was going to be made, "that is enough."

"Derek," Jenna said, "she did fly out to find out what was going on with you…"

"Actually," Meredith said, feeling as though she could say anything at this point, the couple glasses of champagne she and Derek had opted for probably influencing her candor. "I believe she also flew out to find out about the slutty married intern," she said.

"Meredith," Derek said, "she didn't really …"

Meredith laughed, "Derek, it doesn't matter anymore, but looking back, it was funny what Kathleen thought. Which by the way Kat, where the hell did you get I was married…slutty yes," she laughed, "but not married."

"Mer…" Derek said, "you don't have to explain that…"

"Of course I do…Shepherd," she teased him, and kissed him softly, "lighten up…it's our family…"

"You," Nancy laughed, "did not just say that…Meredith…how did you know Kat thought you were married?"

"Derek told me," she said, "and I want it to be perfectly clear I was not married, never even considered the possibility until your brother came along…of course he WAS married…"

"And didn't tell you," Maggie said, "which I'd have made him pay dearly for."

"Believe me," Meredith said, "we did…and it's a good thing George, that's my friend, took my car keys the night the wicked witch showed up…or I'd have probably run him down, at least, that's what I told him," she said.

"The wicked witch," Maggie laughed, "oh my God…that is priceless…"

"It is," Jenna laughed, "how did you come up with that…which is perfect by the way."

"It has to do with what we'll tell our kids, if they ever find out about her…"

"So," Rob, Jenna's husband said, "you're going to tell them he was married to a wicked witch…"

"Actually," Derek laughed about it, "we're going to tell them there was a very wicked witch from the east…that flew to Seattle on her broomstick," and the room once again erupted in laughter.

"What's the real story?" John, Maggie's husband asked.

Meredith smiled, "that we can't tell you…"

"Of course you can," Jenna said. "We're family…"

"Yes, but we can't really risk our kids ever finding out…I was a girl in a bar and their dad…"

"Fell madly in love with her the minute he saw her…and had never stopped…"

"That," Kathleen said, "is more like the legend of Meredith and Derek," she smiled, "I heard about at Joe's," and went on to tell her condensed version of a love of legends.

"You never told us about the chiropractor," Derek said, while he nuzzled Meredith's neck, biting her playfully, "Kev, fess up."

"Kevin," Nancy said to her brother in law, "just because you men are all weak…and couldn't handle a paint job…" she really did prefer not to mention more.

"Nancy," Kevin spilled the beans,"who tries to be hard core and tough all the time, and clearly is not, decided you shouldn't come home to your old room…and that we should get rid of any traces of …" he paused, then smiled, "the wicked witch…of the east…"

"Nance," Derek said incredulously, "that…it's…"

"It didn't stop there," Maggie said, "and you should know it was all her idea. Meredith, she is not so bad…and directed every single change. She texted from Bloomingdale's one day, and said she'd found the perfect look for the bedroom and sent us the link to know if we agreed, because if we did, she was going to order it."

"And we agreed," Kathleen said, "it was a great new look."

"Nothing had been done to that room," Jenna said, "since Derek had the bathroom redone about five years ago, but we figured that was neutral enough…so we just changed he color scheme in there with new towels…"

"And let me tell you," John, Maggie's husband said, "I was so sick of hearing about monograms and initials…and if Meredith would be mad because they wanted her to feel she was a Shepherd…even if she was keeping Grey…enough to drive us to drink…"

"It actually did," Rob laughed, "remember dinner at our house? Derek, the four of us left, went down to Scully's for couple hours and they never even noticed till we got back."

"We thought you were watching a game," Kathleen said, "and didn't want to interrupt you…"

Carolyn Shepherd was tremendously pleased her girls took care of revealing it was Nancy who'd thought of changing the room. Even though things certainly had changed between her daughter and son, she wanted Meredith to get a glimpse of the Nancy who'd flown out overnight to make sure Derek was fine.

"Right," Kevin said, "while you arranged a strategic plan of action that required two weekends of painting…and sore backs moving the old antique monstrosity…"

"The wicked witches' style" Rob laughed, and nuzzled Jenna's neck, "removed like magic…but not so lucky…our backs…"

Meredith said incredibly touched, "Nancy…you thought of it…and all of you helped…it's …I can't tell you how much that means…that …"

"We wanted you to feel at home," Nancy said, "your first visit here…to know how glad we all are, that you're Derek's wife."

"Nance," Derek got up and went to hug his sister, "thank you…you've no idea…"

"I believe I do," she said, and hugged him back. "But, it wasn't just me…everyone pitched in…it's our wedding present to you…from all of us…the four of us…"

"Eight of them," Carolyn said, "because every one of your sisters and husbands helped, even the kids joined in."

"I can't let you do that…" Derek said, "Bloomingdale's Nance…that's a fortune. We love what you did…we won't ever forget the thoughtfulness… but that's too much money…I'll take care of it."

"Absolutely not," Jenna said, "Derek, it's our gift to you, all of us…once we told Nancy we agreed, that we liked it, she charged it…and wanted it to be her gift…to you and Meredith. But, we wanted it to be from us…from the family…so that when you visited, it was all fresh…and new…and nothing from the past…only the future."

"Girls," Derek said, deeply touched, "Mom…it's too much…"

"Shep," John said, "we all agreed…we wanted to do it…money's not an issue, you know that," he said as he referred to the three thousand dollars plus each couple had contributed.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "they wanted to do it…" she smiled, "not the painting, but…even that became a family project and the kids helped. We wanted you to feel at home, so that you and Meredith will want to be back," she said and voiced her fears, "as often as you can."

Meredith went to sit next to her mother in law and her actions continued the course of many poignant moments their family would share in the years ahead, "Mom," his sisters all smiled at the expression in her mother's face each time she called her that, "we will be back…as often as we can…count on it."

The first meeting between Meredith and all his sisters together had begun nearly eleven hours before, and as the midnight hour approached, each of the eleven adults around the room had at some point taken pause in reflection of the many emotions of the day; especially protective of the newlyweds' feelings were Carolyn, Kathleen, Kevin and now Nancy.

Derek's phone vibrated and he did not look happy. "I have to take this," he said and listened, "Nelson, let me call you right back. No, you did the right thing, I thought we might have some complications, that's why I brought a copy of the file with me, let me get it and call you," he apologized to everyone and went to take the call which did not take too long. However, it would lead to a situation Meredith had wanted to avoid.

"Hey Mer," Derek said as he held a box wrapped in very girly pink, "this one was different than all the other ones you brought, so I thought you forgot it was for one of the kids."

Carolyn glanced at Meredith, knowing it was the gift she did not want to share until they left, and saw her face become briefly pale.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "Meredith told me about those gifts, they're for Jenna's shower."

"I don't think so Mom," he smiled, "those are all have the same wrapping paper, this one I think we just missed, right Mer?"

"No," she said, "it's for the baby too."

"You brought baby gifts…for the shower," Jenna said, becoming teary eyed, "but you won't be here…so we should open them before you go."

"No," there seemed to be four resounding voices, as Carolyn, Kathleen, Nancy and Derek reacted at the same time.

"But," Jenna said, now the verge of tears falling, "at least…you'll be here…I can open them with you."

"Jenna," Meredith said softly, "it will ruin the surprise…since some of them are meant to compliment others that are not on your shower list…so, I'd rather you wait…and open them all with the rest of the gifts, I know what they are…and I'll see the photos, and the video."

"Mer," Derek smiled, "maybe she can just open this one…you had it wrapped differently…"

"Oh…Meredith…please…at least this one…before you go…"

"Jenna," Carolyn said, "you can wait three more days…"

"You're right," Jenna said, "I can…I just …I'd like to thank them at least for one gift…that I've seen."

"It's ok," Meredith said, "you can open it," and turned to Derek and whispered tenderly, "I'm sorry…I didn't meant for it to happen like this…I wanted you to see it…later…"

"Meredith," he said, "it's ok…I've had to sit through a couple of these showers…"

"I'm sorry," she said again as he saw, and did not understand the tears in her eyes.

"One present," Derek said, concerned over Meredith's reaction, "that's it."

"It's just a little something Jenna," Meredith cleared her throat, as she felt Derek at her side and felt she had to explain, "the other presents are really what we got you, but this was just something that I thought you'd like. "

"Oh," Jenna said once she'd unwrapped the present and lifted the lid to reveal pink tissue paper and a very tiny garment she carefully took out, "it's beautiful Meredith…and now it's all your fault I'm blubbering like …just like you say…a damn water faucet," she said as she held the little garment, "Rob…look…"

"What did you get?" Derek said, "she's crying…"

"I saw it," she said apologetically, and again he saw the tears, "and…it seemed so perfect…I got it at the same place where I got Brianna's…"

The mention of Brianna warned him of his wife's emotional turmoil, though he could not understand why, as she'd spent a bit of time buying gifts in an effort to make up for being absent at the shower. But, what Derek did not know is that this gift would affect him, and prevent him from avoiding his own emotions any longer.

"Derek," Jenna said, as she wiped away the tears, and got up from the couch with Rob's help, "it's precious," she hugged him.

"I'm glad you liked, it," he said, not wanting to reveal he had not seen it before, and she turned to Meredith to hug her, still clutching the tiny pink garment.

"Meredith," Jenna said, "thank you…I know you picked it out, and Derek probably hasn't seen it," she smiled at him, and placed the onesie on her pregnant belly, "I can't wait for the baby to wear it."

Meredith felt him stiffen and heard his involuntary gasp as he saw the face of a smiling bear with angel wings wearing a bow made of thin ribbons on the head, and the words, "my godfather loves me."

"It was," he said, doing all possible to maintain his composure, "the perfect choice," and hugged his sister, "Jenna, I do love your baby girl."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, but got no reaction from him, and didn't push him as she allowed him to deal with his emotions, but it didn't diminish the painful prick to her heart, as she knew he was purposely avoiding her.

"You were right Jenna," Derek said without looking at her, "Meredith picked out."

"Meredith, you could not have chosen something that would make me happier," Jenna said, "or more sentimental," she smiled at her brother who smiled back; a smile that Meredith noticed did not reach his eyes; his gaze refusing to meet hers, thus Meredith simply walked away.

Derek reached for his phone and with the false pretense of needing to follow up again with the colleague in Seattle; walked away before he gave Meredith any more reasons for heartache this day. However, his actions left her feeling alone and regretting that she'd been insensitive to the way he might react.

Kathleen had noticed both Meredith and Derek's reaction, and while the rest of the family continued with their conversation, she very subtly left the room and followed her brother to the back porch.

"Derek," Kathleen said, as she sat next to him on the old porch swing. "what just happened? I mean I know what happened, how that baby garment had to affect you…but…"

"I don't know how she does it," he finally said after a long silence, silence needed to compose himself, "how she could choose that…when I know," he was rapidly failing at keeping his emotions under control, "it had to be heartbreaking…"

"You can't walk away from her Derek," Kathleen said softly, understanding how today had affected him as well, "there was such sadness in her eyes when you left the room."

"I can't," he paused and took a few deep breaths, "Kathleen…I can't let her see me breakdown…not when she's being so strong…and it's all my fault by bringing her here, how could I have not foreseen this would happen…that Jenna's pregnancy, so far along…that it would be hard for Meredith, so hard…" he mumbled.

"Derek," Kathleen placed her arm over his, "don't do this…you can't keep your emotions bottled up inside. Today has been hard for you both…you need to deal with that…"

"My only concern is Meredith. Kathleen, she's been so strong…"

"But," Kathleen said sagely, "she's let it out…she's cried, that's healthy…"

"She's cried with you too," he said revealing information Kathleen did not have.

"No," Kathleen told him. "But, I know her…and I know when the two joined us for dinner, she'd been crying…a lot…I saw her puffy eyes…"

"I should have realized," he told his sister, "and found a way to avoid this trip."

"Derek," Kathleen said softly, "Meredith knew what it would be like. Don't tell her, but we talked about it, and she expected it would be difficult, but she wanted to be here, to meet the rest the family."

"She didn't tell me…" he said, "that she talked to you…"

"She didn't want you to change your mind," his sister said, "her only concern was how you would react, being faced with a pregnant Jenna, where she had failed."

"She didn't fail," he shot back at his sister.

"I know that," Kathleen said, "I'm telling you what she said."

"She didn't, I told her that earlier," he said. "It's nobody's fault."

"Derek," his sister turned his face and met his gaze, "when are you going to start believing that it wasn't your fault either?"

"I could have helped," he lost his composure completely, "all those weeks…before we even knew she was pregnant…I could have helped, instead I added to her stress…" he said and buried his face in his hands, and felt his sister's comforting hand on his back.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "would be so upset if she knew you felt this way, but even more so that you're keeping how much you're hurting from her, because I know you are…and that seeing Jenna and all the baby talk, and having to feel that baby move was devastating to you…but Meredith is sharing that sadness with you and you're not, and I think that would make her just as sad as how she's been feeling all day."

The silence of the night surrounded them, and then she felt his arm around her shoulders and a soft kiss on the temple as he drew her close. "Thank you," Derek said. "I love you Kathleen."

"Go see your wife," Kathleen said, "and share your feelings with her," and she kissed his cheek and walked back inside.

There was no doubt in Meredith's mind that Kathleen had followed Derek, and when she saw her walk back in the room, felt a sense of relief that she smiled at her.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "Kevin and I have been talking about our next trip to Seattle, and we definitely want to bring the kids, and though they like the idea of New Year's, we're not going to crash your first one together, unlike your honeymoon," she said, and that expertly brought the conversation back to some light banter and teasing over the night fog that had descended over Lake Como and forced them to spend the night with the newlyweds.

Derek walked back in just as Kevin said, "Sloan, as usual had to be the one to bring up," he laughed, "certain lion taming activities," and wasn't allowed to get away without telling the story.

"He didn't believe me," Carolyn said, as she tried to maintain calm over the distance she'd seen suddenly between Meredith and Derek, "earplugs have been faithful companions for years."

Derek sat next to his wife and felt her body become rigid, and hated that he was responsible. "I love you," he whispered softly.

"I'm sorry you're angry with me," she whispered back, relaxing slightly.

"I'm not angry with you," he said tenderly against her ear, "I'm in awe of you."

"Derek," she said, barely above a whisper, "don't shut me out," then found his gaze, "please."

"I won't," he promised her, as he felt her relax at his gentle caress, and she felt the soft tender kiss as he nuzzled her neck.

"Derek," Maggie said, as she too had also noticed the brief discord between the couple. "You didn't tell us what you think…about Mom and Kathleen, not to mention Meredith's

very obvious and meddling comments about Mark and Lexie."

"I think they are meddling," he chuckled, the light hearted feeling returning, "and I've told Meredith to stay out of it…"

"Wait," Jenna said a bit indignant, "you told her to stay out of it? Mer," she used the shortened name she'd heard him use for her, "and you let this brainless moron get away with that…Derek you have nerve…"

"It's so good to be back home," he laughed, "feels like I've never been gone."

"Don't be a smart ass," Maggie said, "I think Jenna's right…Meredith, I hope you told him what he can do with…"

"Believe me," Derek hugged Meredith and he opted to tease her, "she tells me what to do all the time," and whispered suggestively, "and what she wants me to do…all the time."

"Ass," she giggled, as she gave in to the warmth of his embrace, knowing all between them was fine. She only needed to make sure he was.

"I also think," Derek grinned, "they may be right," and with that everyone had to give their opinions of the very distant and undetermined possibility of a future Grey-Sloan romance.

Rob noticed Jenna's drooping eyes and insisted they call it a night, and though she protested everyone else agreed they'd have more time together the next day.

"I'm going to help to pick things up," Meredith told Derek as she gave him a quick kiss on the lips, before she followed Kathleen to the kitchen, "I'll see you in a few minutes."

"Kathleen," Meredith approached her, "is he ok?"

"He will be," Kathleen said honestly, and hugged her, "just like you will."

"I'm fine," Meredith told her.

"You are amazing," her sister in law said. "But neither of you was fine today, I told him he needs to share his feelings with you."

"I did too…"

"He will," Kathleen said. "Meredith we all wish we would have kept you away."

"I don't," Meredith said, "I'm glad I was here…with my family."

"Oh…Mer," Kathleen said, as tears filled her eyes, "you can't stay away now…you have to come home…often. I've missed my youngest sister…and her rambles…"

"Do not," Meredith told her, smiling as her eyes glimmered with unshed tears, "make me mushy and sentimental…"

Derek was sure she'd stayed behind to talk to Kathleen, and was already in bed when she walked in their room and got ready for bed. She slipped quietly under the covers and he immediately pulled her into his arms, and their habitual spooning position.

"It's been a long day," she whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and she reached to entwine their hands.

"Yes," he said quietly, all his emotions boiling at the surface.

"I'm glad we came," she said as she squeezed his hand, and heard the sharp intake of breath, followed by long minutes of silence.

"It was," he said, and paused failing to get past the lump in his throat, "a baby bear," she heard the attempt to conceal a broken sob, "with angel wings…" and he broke down, gut wrenching muffled sobs taking over his body, and she turned in his arms to hold him tight as he dealt with the pain of their loss.

"I didn't want you to see it now…but later, after the baby's born, I thought you wouldn't mind…that you'd love her…and would like to see her wearing it."

"How," he would say, as sadness and sorrow engulfed him, "can you be so strong…where do you find your strength, when I feel like all I do is let you down…"

"I can be strong," she told him, "because you have been my strength…because I knew you would always be by my side…as you have been since that night long ago," she didn't hold back any of her thoughts or emotions, "and I need to be there for you…I need for you to share what you're feeling, just like you ask of me…I want to be there…all the time Derek, all the time…for the good…and the bad…our sorrows…which I hope are behind us, and our joys…don't shut me out," she said, and truly became his strength this night, as he listened to her words; words from the heart, as his heart was open to truly hearing them. "We said," she held his face in her hands, "we'd be there for each other…that we'd cry together…you've given me that…"

"I've failed you time and again…bringing you here…making you go through this…"

"No," she said, "no more of that…no more blame…no more…I wanted to be here, I'm glad I was here…because we can't do anything about our baby bear…our baby angel…we can't get her back…but Derek," she said, and tears rolled down her face, "but today…I found my family…and you gave me that…" and they cried together; one last heartbreaking time, before she became his strength and spoke the words he needed to hear; words filled with hope and dreams of the future they would share and in one brief moment, three souls became one, as two hearts accepted that love conquers all.

"Once upon a time," Meredith whispered long after their tears had ceased, and she lay safe in his embrace, her head on his chest as her hand caressed him gently, and she began to spin a tale that she knew, because she too had those feelings, would one day become their fairytale.

"Once upon a time," she said again, and he didn't react, "are you listening to me?"

"Uhmmm…"

"Pay attention," she said, "and don't forget any of it…you're going to have to repeat it to our kids...and you can't change it…no matter how many times they ask to hear it," she said referring to the conversation with Carolyn when they met in Venice.

"Mer…" he kissed the top of her head tenderly, "don't…"

"Daddy took Mommy on a second…maybe," she smiled and he could hear it in her voice, "fourth honeymoon to Venice this time, for their wedding anniversary…but Mommy missed her little boys so much, that she told him she wanted to come home early, but Daddy told her she was lying, this part we won't tell them," Meredith laughed softly, "or this one…we'll have to edit some of it before we tell them," she giggled. "Daddy said, it was that Mommy was just afraid that her little boys would be so spoiled by Granma and all the aunts and uncles and cousins," she paused, "but Mommy loved that her little boys had a beautiful family…that took care of them while they were away, and she did miss her little boys," she searched for his gaze and found it as the full moon's light reflection illuminated their room, "but what mommy most wanted was to get back home…to the place…where she was certain," and she cupped his face and kissed him softly, "they'd conceived the little girl they would soon have…and tell him…he was going to be a daddy again…"

"Meredith…" Derek pursed his lips together, holding back the emotions he felt.

"That," she said, as tears of hope slid down her face, "Derek…was my dream…on the porch…on our land…and I know, it will come true…maybe not quite like I just described…but we will have our boys…our little girl…because you promised me that your dream was to make mine come true," and his lips found hers, and each kiss and each caress that followed held the promise that would ultimately fulfill their dreams.

A/N 25NOV - _I had looked for one that said, my godfather loves me, but when I saw this one, it was perfect for the sake of the story. The onesie Meredith found was a catalyst to Derek facing his emotions, thought some of you would want to visual image._

_A/N 25NOV – Can't post links here, but the onesie Meredith found was a catalyst to Derek facing his emotions, I'm posting the link on author profile for the next couple days, in case any of you want to see it. I had looked for one that said, my godfather loves me, but when I saw this one, it was perfect for the sake of the story._


	199. Chapter 199

_Thanks to each of you that continues to read and follow this story. To each of you that comments, I'm so thankful that you take the time to do so and apologies for not responding individually. I'm so thankful that you take the time to do so; it has been what continues to inspire to bring this journey to its proper ending, with the fulfillment of their dreams. Easily, it could be an epilogue as all narrative, but I'd hate that as a reader after so long, so I will write all those scenes that have been in my mind for so long as this story continues to develop toward its ending with chapter 200...yes, couple chapters will have more than one part._

_They say, there's no second chance for first impressions…hoping this next chapter brings a little more closure to that; you'll see what I mean towards the end of it, and of course there's one more part to their visit back home, which I will finish writing during the week. _

_Work is in full organized chaotic gear, but all for a great cause. Between next Sunday and Christmas, we'll distribute over 5,000 toys. There's a huge and increased need across our communities, if you have a chance…and are able to, reach out to your local organizations and make a donation, none are ever too small. Believe me multiples of $ 5.00 add up to many toys for children, clothing or meals. In the spirit of the holiday season, open your hearts and/or time and share it with others less fortunate, it is truly better to give than to receive. Warm regards, Jasmin_

**Ch 190 – Promised Dreams Pt 2**

"Derek," Meredith shifted in his arms, "did you hear that?"

"Sleep…" he moaned and drew her closer.

"Derek," she insisted, "wake up…"

"Tired…"

"Derek," she nudged him, attempting to wake him.

"Mer…sleep…"

"Is there a cat in the house?"

"No."

"Are you sure?"

Yes, only kids," he said groggily.

"Well then, is the house haunted?"

"Whaaat…" he said. She'd succeeded in waking him.

Thankfully, the deep heartfelt emotions shared the night before; hours of communicating and comforting each other, had been the much needed catalyst as their once broken hearts continued to heal, and dreams shattered by an unexpected loss gave rise to hopeful, promised dreams of the future to come.

Months before in a trailer thousands of miles away, a moment of darkness; an omen of sorts in the middle of the night had signaled the looming heartbreak; last night, the full moon's reflection had illuminated their bodies briefly, in the moments before they were forced to deal with Derek's inevitable and lingering sadness over their loss as they were faced with the reality of Jenna's pregnancy. Now, the absence of light was also the reflection of things to come, but these were hopeful beginnings as the dawn of a new day, the light a new sunrise paved the road, set a solid foundation to promised dreams being fulfilled.

"Are you trying to shock me into waking up," he grumbled as he looked at her.

"Listen…do you hear the whimpering…sounds like a kitten crying." Then, they heard the soft cries again, and Meredith got out of bed immediately and grabbed the discarded robe near the bed and followed the sounds to find the little girl curled up on the floor, and snuggling up to a big bear while one hand held a small blanket.

"Meghan, sweetie," she said softly and scooped her up in her arms, "what's wrong?"

"My mommy and daddy are gone," the just turned three year old whimpered.

"Sweetie," Meredith soothed, as she carried her inside the bedroom and sat on the bed. "Where did your mommy and daddy go?"

Meghan's tears made their way down her rosy cheeks, as she began to cry softly, "I not know."

"Derek," Meredith glanced at him, "find out where they are."

"Sure it's fine," he said, andburrowed further into the covers.

"Derek," Meredith said, her I mean business bossy tone in place, "get up."

"Fine," he mumbled, but looked around for the way to get his clothes on, given she was holding a three year old in her arms, and luckily found the blue bathrobe that had not made its way to the back of the bathroom door.

"Meghan," he heard Meredith say softly, "why are you up so early…sweetie it's still dark, you should be sleeping."

"I scared," the little girl told her as she wrapped her arms tighter around Meredith.

"There's nothing to be scared about," Meredith soothed, while thinking back to her own childhood, when being scared at night was simply not an option, "you were with Granma and your sister."

"Granma has to sleep…and Katie," she said, as the tears continued, making Meredith smile slightly at how much she looked like her mother, a miniature replica of Jenna crying.

"Meghan," Meredith caressed her hair gently, "I'm sure your Granma wouldn't want you to be feeling scared or crying…she would understand if you woke her up…"

The little girl sniffled, and shook her head, "Mommy says we have to let Granma sleep…cause she's old," she said just as Katie walked in the room, followed by Derek.

"There you are," Katie exclaimed. "Meghan," the second miniature version of Jenna also had tears in her face, "I was so scared…I woke up and you were gone…"

"I wanted Mommy," the little girl sniffled some more, while Meredith and Derek exchanged glances and watched the two sisters. "You was sleeping…and Granma…"

"Meghan," her sister reprimanded her, "Mommy said you have to stay in your room…and you were gone…and I have to take care of you…"

"Cause you love me…" Meghan said to her sister.

"Cause I'm your big sister…"

"Katie," Meghan said, "I was scared…"

"But I was there," Katie said, "I take care of you…"

"But you was sleeping…"

"You tell me to wake up," Katie said very seriously.

"Cause you love you this much," Meghan said as she spread her arms, and her big sister nodded her head confirming those sentiments.

"We won't tell Mommy you was scared," Katie told her, "cause Mommy cries…"

"Our secret," Megan whispered to her sister.

"Our secret," Katie said and hugged her sister. "I love you Meggie …"

"I love you Katie…" Meghan said, "cause you're my big sister…and you take care of me…and I gots to take are of the baby sister…when she's out of Mommy's tummy…"

"Girls," Meredith said, "it's very early…we should all get some more sleep."

Meghan looked at her and asked, "can we sleep with you…cause Mommy's gone…"

"Mommy's not gone," Katie told her sister.

"Uh huh," Meghan told her, "I open the door and Mommy and Daddy was gone…"

"Don't be silly," Katie told her, "that's cause Mommy was in the bathtub and Daddy was helping her…so she don't fall."

"Mommy and Daddy are here?"

"Yes," Katie told her, "cause I knocked on the bathroom door… and Daddy said Mommy was taking a bath."

Meghan looked at her sister, "Mommy's not gone to get my baby sister?"

"Nope," Katie said. "Remember…Mommy said we still have a lot of days…"

"Ok," Meghan seemed to accept her older sister's reassurances and changed subjects. "Aunty M… can me stay with you to sleep?"

"You sure can," Meredith told her, "why don't you get under the covers."

"Can I stay too?" Katie asked.

"Yes," Meredith said, "how about we sleep another couple hours," she said, and smiled at Derek who grabbed Katie and lifted her to the bed, "but Uncle Derek and I are going to be right back."

"You're leaving?" Meghan asked.

"No sweetie," Meredith placed the cover over them both, "we're just going to brush our teeth."

"Cause why…" Meghan said, "if we gonna sleep?"

"Because," Meredith said…trying to find the right answer.

"Meghan," Derek said, "because we forgot to brush them before we went to sleep last night," and the young child accepted that easily.

"Put some clothes on," Meredith told Derek as soon as they were in the bathroom.

"I'm dressed," he teased her.

"We're both naked as the day we were born under these robes Derek, and there's two kids in our bed, go get me some clothes."

He wrapped his arms around her, and nuzzled her neck, "I love you."

"Not now," she tried to get out of his embrace.

"You mean I can only love you some of the time?"

"Derek…you are brainless," she said, but he'd already turned her around to face him.

"Mer," he teased and nibbled her lips, making her forget the resolve to get dressed.

"Uhmmm…"

"We can do quiet…" he smiled upon her lips, remembering the night before.

"We can do quiet," she smiled, and allowed him to deepen their kiss, "very well…"

Then there was a light knock on the door. "Aunt Merdith," Katie said.

"Derek, stop," she said and opened the door.

"Yes Katie," Meredith answered.

"I have to go to the bathroom," Katie said.

"Ok," Meredith said, and pulled Derek out of the small room, and then turned to him. "When she comes out, we have to get dressed, no more …"

"You're no fun," he told her.

"I'll remind you of that," she scowled at him, "tonight."

They both dressed quickly and got back in bed. Within minutes, both girls were fast asleep; Meghan clinging to Meredith, while her aunt wrapped her arms around her.

"Do we have ghosts…" Derek chuckled quietly, "what in the world made you say that?"

"You said there were no kittens," she smiled at him, "and how was I supposed to know it was one of the kids crying…I don't know much about that…or what they sound like whimpering."

"I think," he smiled tenderly as he reached to caress her forehead and leaned in softly to kiss her lips, "you do," he said, "all you need to know."

"She's adorable," she smiled as she looked at Meghan, "both of them are, they are so close Derek…it's sweet."

"Notice they know their mommy cries at everything," he said.

"They do too," Meredith smiled, "did you notice? They look just like Jenna."

"Serves her right," Derek said, "get a taste of her own medicine."

"That's awful," Meredith swatted him playfully, "you should not make fun of your pregnant sister."

She's been like that since she was a baby, and just like her girls," he chuckled, "poor Rob, he has three overly sentimental girls… and now one more."

Meredith smiled, "since she's our goddaughter," and entwined their fingers, "maybe we can have a bit of influence over that."

"Wanna bet?"

"Probably not," she giggled, "chances are…all odds are against us."

"You meant it," he said as he caressed her face, "when you told Jenna…she'd visit us."

"I did…" Meredith said, "she can play with her cousins," she smiled, "or order them around since she's always going to be a little older."

"I love you Meredith," he leaned in to kiss her.

"I love you too," Meredith said before he deepened the kiss very briefly and pulled away, as Katie shifted and attempted to spread out in the confined space on the bed.

"Uhmmm…" Derek smiled at her and whispered, "do you think tonight…"

"Derek…" she reminded him, "kids here…"

"They're sleeping," he dismissed her warning. "Think I can entice Dr. Grey to kiss me back…or maybe…"

"Derek…"

"Just one kiss…" he teased her, "and then tonight…Dr. Grey…"

"Dr. Grey, that hussy," Meredith whispered, her eyes twinkling with mischief.

Meghan opened her eyes and looked at him first, "Uncle D…Aunty M…no talking…we sleep now."

Meredith brought her hand to her mouth to keep from laughing and Derek just mouthed, "later…" and gave her the McDreamy smile as he raised an eyebrow suggestively.

A couple hours later, Meredith woke to find two identical sets of eyes staring at her. "My brother was right," Jenna looked down at her, "you snore like a trucker."

"I what…" Meredith raised her voice.

"She's lying," Derek leaned down and kissed her.

Jenna laughed, "it's true, I lied. He didn't say anything, but hell Meredith…you are loud, no wonder Mark sent us all earplugs…along with the case of champagne, which by the way, we're keeping a bottle, since I can't drink now."

"At least," Meredith told her, "you were warned, we weren't. You do realize that tub is next to our bedroom wall."

"What are you talking about?" Jenna asked.

"These poor babies roaming the house alone…crying…" Derek said, taunting her playfully, "while you and Rob carried on in the tub…much louder than we'll ever…"

"Derek," Meredith told him, "that's not nice…the girls were not…"

"Normally," Jenna said, "you moron, I'd be crying over a comment like that…to say I let my babies roam the house alone...even if was true this morning," she admitted, "she's usually not up before six thirty, and we did not make any noise!"

"That's what you think," Derek teased her.

"The only noise," Jenna told him, "we could have made was that of a whale splashing, as Rob helped me in and out of the tub."

"Jenna," Derek said contritely, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't tease you, and you shouldn't think that way. Aunt Pat was right…you're glowing and radiant and just beautiful as you always are when you're pregnant."

"Ok," Jenna's eyes glimmered, "this morning, I can take teasing. But…you, having my sentimental brother back…here, in person…that's going to make me cry," she said just as Derek sat next to her on the bed and hugged her.

"I love you, Jenna," Derek said.

"I love you too Derek," she said and hugged him back.

"Mommy," Meghan exclaimed as she woke up and saw her mother.

"Hey sweetie," Jenna turned to smile at her, "you took over Uncle Derek's and Aunt Meredith's bed."

"You was gone," Meghan said and made her way to her mother's arms.

"Uncle Derek told me that's what you thought," she hugged the little girl as she gave her several tender kisses, "but Katie told you I was taking a bath.

"You feel better?" Meghan asked her, used to her mother saying she felt better after a hot bath.

"I do," Jenna told her, "and Daddy was with me to help me get in and out of the tub. Meggie," Jenna wanted to reassure the little girl, "you know Mommy and Daddy would never leave without telling you…and kissing you good bye."

"Even when you gots to go get my baby sister out of your tummy?"

"Even then," Jenna hugged the little girl to her, hard as it had become to do with the baby between them, "when it's time for me to go to the hospital, I will let you know."

"Mommy," Meghan put her tiny hands on her mother's stomach, "my baby sister is sleeping now?"

"Yes," Jenna told her, "a bath always makes her sleep."

"I love you Mommy."

"I love you too sweetie. Do you want to stay with Aunty M while I get Katie ready for school?"

"Mommy," Meghan looked at her mother intensely, "no school…me stay with you…"

"Don't you want to go to school with Aunt Pat and Katie and Emma?"

"No Mommy," the little girl pouted, "me stay with you…please."

"You can stay with me," Jenna said as the little girl clung to her. "Why don't you go get Daddy and tell him you're staying with me today," she said and Derek lifted the little girl from her.

"I go find Daddy," she said, "bye Aunty M…Uncle D…" and ran out of the room.

"Derek," Jenna said, "help me up. I need to wake Katie." He did, and Jenna went around the bed and kissed her daughter's cheek. "Good morning baby, it's time to get up," she said, and the little girl beamed as she saw her mother, and in the minutes that followed Derek and Meredith smiled as they enjoyed watching the interaction between mother and daughter, as Jenna thanked her for taking care of her little sister.

"Katie," Derek said, "how about we go downstairs and help Granma with breakfast?"

"They are precious little girls," Meredith told Jenna.

"They are," Jenna smiled. "Sorry they woke you so early. My back was killing me and a hot bath usually helps."

"Please don't apologize and you don't need to give me an explanation," Meredith smiled, "and you should not let Derek get away with teasing you…not now…I know what it's like…I mean," she corrected herself, surprised at how uncharacteristically easy it was to be open with his sisters, "I don't know personally…but I know how hormones can make your emotions be all over the place…"

"Meredith," Jenna who was standing by Derek's side of the bed said, "do you mind if I stretch out on the bed?"

"Of course not," Meredith told her, and her sister in law made herself comfortable as she sat with her back against the headboard.

"We haven't had any time alone," Jenna said, "everyone's been here all the time, and I just wanted to say how glad I am to see my brother is happy again, that he found you…that you found each other. I wish he'd met you long ago…before…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, the conversation last night had helped to deal with the present in a much different way, both agreeing they could not change the past, but determined that they would make their future their own. They would work at making their dreams come true, even though they had discussed and were committed to working through whatever unexpected events the future held in store for them. "We can't go back," …Derek and I know that, and it means a lot that you'd say that…but, we know we have the rest of our lives together…and that's priceless to us both," she said, and they met each other's gaze. "Besides thirteen years ago I'd have been under twenty one," and they found themselves laughing through sentimental tears.

"You," Jenna said, as her eyes mirrored Meredith's tears, "cannot ever…tell me I'm a faucet…you're as bad as I am…"

"Not quite as bad," Meredith smiled, "but…it's been a very emotional visit for us..."

"Meredith," Jenna's gaze did not waver, "is everything ok? Yesterday…it seemed at times that you were so sad…and Derek…"

"Everything's fine," Meredith answered without hesitation, "it's just been….like I said, emotional for us both. The first time he's been home in so long…and well, not since what happened with Addison," Meredith chose to give her more information than she normally would have, ensuring the real reasons would not be revealed. "Then…for me," she admitted, "I don't do families Jenna…it's all new to me…and it's," she paused, as emotions indeed got the best of her, but luckily Jenna would not guess the reason why, "emotional…you've welcomed me, all of you…even Aunt Margaret," she teased and they both laughed.

"Mer," Jenna said, "when you told us you were slutty but not married," and they both laughed again, "I thought Derek was going to choke."

"He hates the talk about his sisters and sex," they laughed again. "And that you're all teasing him about being a bit prudish" Meredith told her, "though," she smiled sheepishly, "I can vouch for just the opposite."

"Ok," Jenna told her, "you cannot make the pregnant whale jealous that you're enjoying all sorts of sex…"

"Jenna," Meredith stopped her, "do you really feel that way…about how you look?"

"Honestly?"

"Yes," Meredith said.

"I do sometimes, but Mer," she said and smiled, "Rob, he really makes me feel like I'm the most beautiful woman in the world…and I joke about it…and bitch, but I forget all about it…the minute the babies are born. You'll see," she said, "whenever you and Derek decide to have kids."

"I'm looking forward to that…" Meredith told her, "one day…"

"I can't wait," Jenna told her, "till Derek becomes a dad."

"For now," Meredith smiled, "we're going to spoil our goddaughter."

"Meredith," Jenna said, "Nancy said I was being pushy…that not everybody likes to go around touching other pregnant women's bellies, and I guess I should have asked you…rather than just assume, plus she said I should stop hinting at you having kids, that you'd have a lot of time …"

Meredith smiled at her, last night after Derek had finally broken down and let her know how he was feeling, they'd both felt a deep sense of healing and agreed that they would look to the future and the day they too would become parents rather than their loss, and she told him she did not want him walking on egg shells with her the rest of the stay, that she was going to enjoy being with their family and she could handle Jenna's emotions and wanting to share the baby with them.

"Jenna," Meredith said softly, "I probably would be someone like that…like Nancy said," and then gently placed her hand on Jenna's abdomen, "but," she smiled, "I've never had a goddaughter before…and I'm honored that you chose me…and that you want to share her with us already," she said as she felt the baby's gentle roll.

"Oh," Jenna said, "thank God…and she loves your voice already…Meredith…she's always kicking…but with you…she hears your voice and just seems to relax."

"She knows," Meredith told her, "how special she is," and could not help but get sentimental, "to her godparents."

"She knows," Jenna told her, "how special her godparents are…and how lucky she is to have them."

"Thank you," Meredith said, "that means a lot to me…and to Derek."

"Meredith," Jenna said, "all my girls seem to love you already, the fact that Meghan stayed with you this morning, and she hardly knows you She's been very clingy lately, as she realizes the baby's going to be here soon. I've tried to get her to feel like she's a very important part of it, with her role as big sister, but I know we'll have to deal with a bit of jealousy which is natural."

"She cries, they both do," Meredith smiled, "just like you."

"I know," Jenna admitted, "Derek just told me it served me right."

"He's such an ass," Meredith said and they both started laughing. "I specifically told him not to say that to you."

"He ignored you," Jenna told her, "and even worse, took a muffin away from me."

They heard Maggie's voice from the door, "are you two planning on joining us for breakfast?"

"No," Jenna said, "we expect to get breakfast in bed."

"Keep dreaming," Maggie said.

"Maggie, I've been pregnant forever and Meredith's a guest," she smiled and winked at her sister in law, "so of course we should be served breakfast…"

Maggie was standing by the bed now and extended her hand to Jenna, "Meredith, she'll try everything to be pampered…but don't let her …"

"I think she should be pampered," Meredith said and smiled at Jenna.

"Believe me Meredith," Maggie told her, "this one gets plenty of that from Rob, and all of us."

"You're just jealous," Jenna said as she allowed her sister to help her out of bed, "because I got to spend some time alone with Meredith and you haven't."

"But," Maggie winked at Meredith, "I'm going to visit them…before the year is out."

"You are not," Jenna said, "Maggie, that's not fair…Kathleen and Mom have spent tons of time with Derek and Meredith, and even Nancy," she paused as she walked toward the door, "well, she doesn't count since she was just there for a day…and she was a bitch."

"Just in time," Nancy said as said from the hall and stood at the doorway, "to hear my name."

"You know we love you," Jenna told her as she walked out the door with Maggie.

"Meredith," Nancy said, "it's still early, if you want to sleep in."

"Nancy," Meredith said, "thank you."

"For what?"

"All of this…this room…I know you and Addison were friends, and today talking to Jenna…"

"Addie was my sister in law," Nancy interrupted her. "We were friends. We still are in some regard, we stay in touch, but once I realized how she stayed with Mark, things changed. But, you are my brother's wife now, and my mother who is no pushover, met you and thought of you as her daughter; Kathleen came back from her first trip to Seattle and raked me over the coals for the way I treated you, as did Mom even before she met you. The two of them, my mother and my sister are the two women I most respect…and love; not that I don't love Maggie and Jenna and Aunt Pat and admire them. But, Mom and Kat they are my role models, even if I was a bitch…can be a bitch…whatever good you may see in me, is because of them…and …"

"Nancy," Meredith interrupted her, "can we put the past behind us…I mean, I think we have…I hope we have…but…for me…it's over. You've made me feel welcome, before I got here, and since I've been here…made me feel like family, that's what I want to remember…the rest…doesn't matter and today, you spoke to Jenna…you've been looking out for Derek…and me…our feelings over the baby…that makes up for everything…any bad feelings that could have ever existed between us."

Nancy was quiet before she looked at Meredith and said, "Mom accepted you as her daughter. Kathleen feels protective toward you…she told you, sort of…she did not care if Jenna was Derek's favorite sister and that she could be your favorite sister in law, because you were going to be her friend and sister…no in law's about it."

"I think," Meredith said, "Jenna's is everyone's favorite sister."

"She's the baby," Nancy said, "the one that doesn't remember Dad…like the rest of us do. We tended to overcompensate for that. She was also the most vulnerable, since she was a baby. Mom never could say no to her…because even as a baby she was so sensitive and you'd see the tears in her eyes, but she's also the one with the most strength…you'll get to know that…she's been there for all of us…through many ups and downs, and she asked you to be her baby's godmother…and I trust her judgment completely."

"Nancy…" Meredith said, "you…don't owe me any explanations…"

"I do," Nancy said, and when their eyes met, Meredith saw a deep vulnerability, "because I hope that one day, you'll think of me as your sister in law…and not the bitch you met in Seattle."

"I think, we can manage that," Meredith said, "but Nancy, to me…you're my sister in law now…"

"Well," Nancy smiled at her, "then maybe one day…we can think of each other as sisters…instead."

"I'd like that too," Meredith smiled back, and Nancy surprised her by kissing her cheek.

"Nancy, I think we can make that happen."

"I'm counting on it, Meredith."

"You know," Meredith smiled, "you're a whole different person here…with the kids, especially Jen, and I bet you're her role model."

"Unlike Amanda," Nancy laughed, "who is bossy as hell…and often brash just like me."

"You have a beautiful family, that's a reflection on both you and Mike."

"Thank you," Nancy smiled.

"Should we join the others," Meredith said.

"Probably," Nancy laughed. "Before Derek and the rest of them come here to make sure we didn't kill each other."

"Oh," Meredith said, "I think they know…we're past that…completely."

"Meredith," Nancy said before she turned to leave, "if you need anything…want to talk about anything…call me."

"Nancy," Meredith said, stopping her from leaving the room. "I think…if it's ok…not now but…soon, I'd like to talk to you about what happened."

"Anytime," Nancy said, and Meredith knew she was sincere, "whenever you want."

"Nancy," Meredith continued, once again surprised by the level of ease she found in confiding in these women, his sisters, "do you think…it will happen again?"

"No," Nancy said emphatically. "It's not uncommon, with a first pregnancy…but it does not mean it will happen again."

"I don't want to tell Derek, I mean he knows, but don't want to dwell on it," she said, "but it scares me…to think it could…"

"I'll talk to your Doctor if you want…review what happened, from a medical perspective."

"Yes," Meredith said, "not now…maybe soon."

"Meredith," Nancy told her, "I'm sure it will not happen again," and then she smiled, "and just so you know, Mom and Kathleen are not the only ones…or Derek…that have those feelings…and just know certain things, and I know it won't happen again."

"Thank you," Meredith wiped away a tear.

"Now," Nancy changed the subject to keep from becoming sentimental herself. "Join us downstairs, Mom's been cooking for a long while this morning."

"Let me get dressed," Meredith smiled at her.

"No need," Nancy told her, as she herself had slipped on a robe, "breakfast is comfort food and pajamas…"

"Nancy," Meredith said, "it meant a lot, what you did in this room…no traces of the past…of Derek and…"

"The wicked witch…" Nancy smiled. "I owed you that…and much more…"

"You don't owe us anything. All we need," Meredith said, "Derek and I…is what you've already given us…your support…and that you care…" and with that brief but significant exchange the two women accepted that one day, they would speak only as sisters.

Carolyn's kitchen was filled with mouth watering aromas when Meredith walked in and indeed found the women wearing a variety of sleepwear. The men, except Derek in a warm up suit, dressed for their respective professional commitments.

"Good morning Meredith," Carolyn said as she went up to her and kissed her cheek.

"Carolyn," Meredith smiled, at the amount of food displayed, "this looks amazing."

"Dig in," Maggie said, "before these guys and Jenna do…"

"You know Maggie," Jenna said, "you're going to pay for every one of those comments…when you're pregnant again…"

"I'm not…" Maggie said, "having more kids…" and the room erupted in laughter with four notable exceptions; Carolyn smiled, Meredith and Derek remained quiet still unsure of what the proper reaction should be at the continued teasing, and her husband John.

"Babe," John quickly reached her and pulled her aside, "it's hard not to get carried away, since Aunt Pat's always right about her feelings…but I'll make sure," he leaned in close to her and caressed her face, "there's no more joking about it," and kissed her lips.

Meredith glanced over at them and noticed, during the brief exchange between the couple, a momentary glimpse of sadness between them right before Maggie turned her face and brought a hand to her eyes before John embraced her. Meredith would also notice later, during the breakfast that Carolyn gave her daughter a comforting hug.

"Mom," Kathleen said, "even that horrible bread with radishes looks tempting this morning."

"Stay away from it," Rob said, "please…I want to take it home for your sister's middle of the night feedings."

"Ass…" Jenna said.

"Mommy…" Katie said, "that's a bad word."

"No honey, it isn't, I was going to tell daddy," she emphasized, "as I told him this morning to put the bread away…so nobody else has any."

"Honey," he put his arm over her shoulders, "I think it's safe to say…nobody wants any."

"Carolyn," Meredith said, "these are the best French toast I've had," she savored the bite in her mouth, "and the maple syrup."

"Home made," Carolyn said, "from scratch…that's the secret."

"Derek," Meredith said, "don't listen to that…we'll keep buying frozen…especially if I'm doing the cooking," and all of them laughed.

"Katie honey," Jenna said, "finish your breakfast so you can brush your teeth and Daddy can drive you to school."

"Mommy," Katie said, "but Meggie's not dressed."

"She's staying home with me today," Jenna said.

"Cause she's little," Katie said.

"Cause," Meghan said, "I want to be with Mommy…Katie," she thought she was whispering to her sister, "we don't tell Mommy me was scared…cause Mommy cries," and the entire table did their best not to laugh.

"Our secret," Katie told her sister and then walked to her grandmother, "Granma," she did whisper, "cause she's a baby, but we won't tell Mommy she was scared," and then, "these are the bestest chocolate pancakes ever."

"Thank you Katie," Carolyn smiled, "I know they're your favorites."

"Mommy," Meghan said as she sat next to Jenna in the booster seat, "Uncle D… and Aunty M are mawwied …like you and Daddy?"

"Yes, sweetie," Jenna said.

"Mommy," Meghan continued, "cause why is Uncle D going to tie a doctor to kiss him?"

Silence took over the kitchen, except for the sound of Derek choking on the piece of French toast he'd literally swallowed.

"Derek dear," Carolyn asked calmly, "are you ok?"

"Yes," he managed to say after he took a drink of water.

"Silly," Katie said from her grandmother's lap, "Meggie…that's cause Aunt Merdith said the doctor was a hussy…so Uncle Derek has to tie her down so she can behave…but not to kiss her…"

"Oh God," Nancy said and buried her face in Mike's neck, unable to control her laughter.

"Novices," Jenna laughed as she looked at Rob, "they need kid lessons, before they can ever babysit."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, but had to pause as she could not hold back her laughter.

"What," Kevin said, "Kat wanted to say," he chuckled. "Is that you can never, ever take for granted that eyes closed means…little ones are sleeping."

"I told you," Meredith swatted Derek's arm, "but do you ever listen…"

"Mommy," Katie said, "since Aunt Merdith said a bad word…cause hussy sounds like a bad word…does she have to be on time out?"

"No sweetie," Jenna said, "Aunt Meredith said fussy…"

Maggie laughed as she exchanged smiles with her husband, "Aunt Meredith won't need time out, but I think Uncle Derek is going to be in the doghouse for sure," she said and the adults in the room, except Derek who pouted, gave in to lighthearted laughter.

"Mommy," Meghan said, "Aunt Maggie is so silly, Uncle D don't fit in a doghouse."


	200. Chapter 200

**_A/N 24 DEC - Merry Christmas to all celebrating this holiday, hope you and your families have a safe, wonderful, joyful; and to all, wishing you the peace, love and hope of the holiday season._**

_**Ch 190 – Promised Dreams – Part 3**_

Carolyn's kitchen was warm and inviting, a reflection of a home where lots of activities took place around it and was planned to accommodate a large family. The breakfast nook, built years before in the sunny alcove adjacent to the kitchen, comfortably sat five adults along the bright upholstered cushions below the tall window frames, while another five chairs were placed around the oval table that faced outdoors.

"Ok," Jenna began to say, as soon as her husband led the girls out of the kitchen with the excuse they were going to brush their teeth and get dressed, "what…" she continued laughing instead and looked at Derek from across the table, "haven't you…learned anything…fourteen nieces and nephews and over twenty years as an uncle…"

"Not," Meredith said, "that I'm defending him, since he was an idiot," she turned to him. "I told you not to say anything more while the kids were with us," she glared at him, "but, to be fair, he has been gone for almost two years…so technically…maybe only been eighteen years…"

"Thanks for helping Mer," Derek joked with her from his seat at the head of table.

"Mer," Jenna said with a satisfied smile, "I think you're right…about Derek not being a prude…I mean…ties and handcuffs…that hardly qualifies as kinky, but…"

"You told my sister," Derek looked at her incredulously as he raised his voice at first, and then lowered it, though he underestimated the hearing power of family gossips, "we have kinky sex…"

"Shep," Kevin teased, "I really did have you pegged for a prude," and chuckled as Kathleen whispered something to him.

"To think," Kathleen said, "you made a big deal out of me," she looked at her mother and smiled; "Mom cover your ears."

"Certainly dear," Carolyn poured herself another cup of coffee, "I could, but I can guess you were going to mention your brother's prudish attitude toward phone sex," and his sisters and their husbands roared with laughter. "Close your mouth Derek. As I told Meredith at the spa, we didn't have cell phones thirty years ago," she smiled, "but we had phones."

"Jenna," Meredith said, though amused by his reaction, "tell him the truth of what I said."

"You mean," Nancy commented, "the part you were talking about when I walked in and you told Jenna about how you and Derek…"

Meredith actually giggled, as she looked at Derek's face. "Ah…honey…" she said, attempting to tease him while she also managed to shock him out of his misplaced embarrassment when she called him honey.

"Honey," he said and laughed, "you called me honey…"

"Seemed appropriate," Meredith giggled. "Especially, since Jenna's already on a sugar high; in spite of you taking a muffin away from her this morning."

"I am not," Jenna laughed, "you just don't want Derek to know you told intimate details about…"

Meredith laughed, "you…are a troublemaker," she accused playfully. "Maggie was right about you using the pregnant excuse to get pampered…and apparently," she and Jenna exchanged warm smiles, "to tease and laugh at my husband…"

Derek placed his hand on her thigh and massaged it tenderly. Her playful comments to Maggie and Jenna reassuring him that their conversation last night had indeed been the last of the steps they needed to take in the journey to heal their sadness. She'd told him she wanted them to move on, to think of the future, that they would never forget the very brief hours they thought they would be parents, the sheer joy at the possibility, but that she did not want them to walk on egg shells around each other or avoid conversations about babies and children.

"I really like you Meredith," Maggie said, "finally someone that doesn't let the tears get in the way…"

"Oh," Jenna said, "Maggie…you are no one to talk…it's been a while I know since you had the boys… but you were as bad as if not worse with …"

"Derek," John interrupted and reached for Maggie's hand, and felt her squeeze; an acknowledgment of his earlier promise to avoid the continued teasing about her becoming pregnant. "Next time you visit, we'll have to make sure to take a break from this gaggle of…"

"John," Carolyn said, "a gaggle you say…I'd expect better from my son in …"

"Mom," Maggie met her gaze, and shook her head and simply mouthed, "please…"

Carolyn nodded to her daughter in understanding, "Mary Margaret, John knows better…you don't have to defend him…"

"The meddling gaggle," John finished, "and Mom…"

"See," Carolyn said, "he can hold his own without any problem."

John put his arm around Maggie's shoulders and whispered something that made her smile. "I love you," he said to his wife, "I'll bring the boys after practice today."

"John," Carolyn said and looked at his wife, as if to assure her, "son, make sure you don't forget to pick up dessert for dinner tonight. The order is already placed and paid for and the bakery is on your way from basketball practice."

"Don't worry Mom," John smiled and put his arm around her shoulder, "Maggie put it on my blackberry with a reminder."

"Mom," Derek said, "we…Mer and I are spending the night in Manhattan, we won't be here tonight."

"You're what?" Maggie asked incredulously.

"You're not serious," Nancy echoed. "We haven't spent time with you in ages. You just got here. We planned on spending this evening together."

"Derek, the kids are expecting to see you again, last night was not very conducive to spending time with them," Kathleen said.

"I made reservations," Derek said, "for tonight at The Court, I didn't think you'd mind."

"Indeed," Jenna said in a very sarcastic tone; one she rarely used, but when she did, it hid deep emotions.

"Jenna," Carolyn attempted to be conciliatory, recognizing the probability emotions would spiral out of control. "It's understandable, their schedules are very hectic, and I'm sure Derek wants a night out with Meredith in New York."

"Mom, we do understand." Jenna said without addressing her brother. "He's been away two years. Clearly spending more than one night with family is all Derek wants."

"Jenna," Derek turned to her, "that is not true."

"Don't worry about it," Jenna told him, no emotion reflected in her face. "I appreciate you made the effort to be here last night and today. I apologize if I sounded ungrateful."

"Jenna," Maggie who was closest to her said, "they're going to be back soon…when the baby's born."

"We'll coordinate it," Jenna spoke without looking at anyone in particular, "so you don't have to be here for more than one day for the baptism."

Meredith witnessed the scene unfold before her, and reacted instinctively, "Jenna, we…Derek and I talked about it briefly, about spending tonight in Manhattan, but we hadn't decided anything final…"

"Meredith," Jenna addressed her sister in law. "I understand. I do…that you want to spend time alone together. Especially after all the craziness last night…you don't have to explain."

"Mommy," Meghan came rushing in the room, oblivious to the symbolical loss of warmth in the room. "Guess what?"

"What sweetie?" Jenna smiled as she brushed the little girl's hair away from her face.

"Daddy tolds me we sleep at Granma's again…"

"You know what," Jenna said, "what do you think if you and I spend the day together, maybe visit Nana and then make some cookies before Daddy and Katie come home?"

"We not sleep at Granma's?"

"No sweetie," Jenna caressed Meghan's face, "we're going to get dressed now and Daddy can drop us off…"

"Mommy…" the little girl pouted, "why you have a sad face…"

"I don't," Jenna said, for the first time becoming emotional that her three year old could recognize her sadness, but not that the reason was due to her perception of Derek's disinterest in spending time with them. "I'm happy that I'm going to spend the whole day with you…"

"Meghan," Meredith interrupted and reached to lift the little girl in her arms, "I think your Mommy got the days confused, because we get to spend the day together today at Granma's…and after Uncle Derek and I leave tomorrow, she's going to take you to your Nana's and bake cookies with you."

Derek Shepherd marveled at his wife's reaction; surrounded by his family in his mother's kitchen making think back to the day in hers when he'd told her he loved her; had been in love with her forever and now, knew with certainty that at this very moment, he had never loved her more.

Derek's thoughts strayed to years past; he was going to have to figure out how to get through to his sister, because tears they could all deal with, but this reaction was one they very seldom witnessed, and it took him back to the days after his father passed away.

"Mommy," Meghan was hesitant, "did you got confused…we stay at Granma's?"

"She sure did," Derek said, "she got confused. What do you say if you go with Aunt Meredith and get some of your toys upstairs?"

"Mommy…" Meghan insisted, "you sad…"

"No sweetie," Jenna said, "Mommy's not sad."

"Jenna," Meredith asked quietly, "can I take her upstairs?"

"Yes," Jenna said, "I'll come with you. I'm very tired."

Silence reigned over the Shepherd kitchen until Meredith and Jenna walked out. Then, all chaos broke lose.

"You absolute moron," Maggie said.

"What the hell were you thinking Derek," Nancy said.

"Thinking," Kathleen smacked him in the back of the head, "that's the problem, he wasn't."

"Brainless," Carolyn said, "Derek…I'm always defending you, but your sisters are right."

"How the hell was I supposed to know she'd get upset that I want to spend a night with my wife alone…before going back to Seattle?"

"You could have told us last night," Maggie said. "You have to know we want to spend as much time with you as possible."

"We have not seen you in ages Derek," Nancy said. "I understand. I really do…that you and Meredith want…need time alone together, but …"

"You could have told us in advance," Kathleen said, "so we knew you were here only one night."

"Derek," Maggie said, "she's been harassing us all…and you know about it, for you… really for Meredith to be here for the shower, and you're not going to be. It's fine…but, on top of everything else add her emotions being all over kingdom come…she's due in three weeks Derek…staying tonight was not going to kill you."

"No," Kathleen said, "it was not."

"Fine, so all of you gang up on me," he got a bit defensive. "Ma…go ahead…"

"I understood perfectly," Carolyn met his gaze, "why you would not be here for the shower. We all did," she added to make it clear she supported the decision that Meredith should not be there. "When Kathleen and I spoke to you, we knew it was not possible because of Meredith's schedule. But, you never told us you'd be here only one night. Like your sisters, I expected to have my son and new daughter spend as much time with us as possible. I'm glad to see that Meredith at least understood that."

"Great," Derek added, knowing he would not win this argument. With the exception of Kathleen, he knew none of them understood the emotional toll of this visit. "Every woman in this house is ganging up on me," he sighed, "because I can bet my life Meredith's not going to agree to it anyway."

"The men too," Maggie said and was met with silence. "Well…don't you agree?" She challenged the men.

"Shep you screwed up man," Kevin said.

"It's not ganging up on you," Mike said, "but…shit…she's Jenna…"

"Not to mention about three weeks away from having the baby," John said.

"I'll remember this," Derek said, "when one of you screws up…cause you will."

"We have," John said, and the other men chuckled, as well as making it their cue to get on with their day. "Love you," he said as he leaned down to kiss Maggie.

"We'll see you tonight," Kevin said, not thinking for one second they'd be spending the night in New York, and kissed Kathleen goodbye. "Don't be too hard on him."

"I believe," Nancy said, as she stood by the door after kissing Mike goodbye, "I have to make a point of telling Meredith she has mastered the art of families…in less than twenty four hours with us. Unlike…"

"Her moron of a husband," Maggie said. "Really Derek…you know Jenna…you're her favorite…her anchor since the day Dad was gone."

"I'll go talk to her," he said. "It wasn't my intention to hurt her feelings."

"We know that sweetheart," Carolyn said. "That's why all of us haven't smacked you."

"Thanks Ma," he said, and walked away to make amends with his youngest sister.

"Uncle Derek," Katie said as she jumped off the last step to the foyer, "Mommy's sad cause you go back today."

"You know," Derek bent down to her level and smiled, "you've grown so much since the last time I saw you, we're not going to be able to call you baby Kat anymore."

"Uncle Derek," the little girl smiled, "you're so silly…that's cause Aunt Kat had my name first…and she's big …but only Aunt Maggie calls me that …cause I'm not a baby anymore."

"No you're not," Derek picked her up and hugged her, "you're a big girl…a lovely beautiful girl."

"Uncle Derek, you and Aunt Merdith go back on an airplane today?"

"No Katie," he told her. "We go back tomorrow. We're going to be here later, and we'll see you when you get back from school."

"Uncle Derek," she said very seriously. "You should tell Mommy…cause she's sad…she told Daddy you was going back early."

"Women," Derek mumbled.

"Shep," Rob, who'd remained quiet, said, "talk to her. You've been here…when the other two were born…every one of the fourteen actually. She knows you can't be here now, but she's missed you. They all have."

"News travels fast." Derek told him, the little girl still in his arms.

"Uncle Derek," Katie told him. "I love you. I'm happy you're going to be here when I get out of school."

"Me too sweetie," he smiled and put her down after she hugged him.

"I'm going to say bye to Granma and my aunts," she said, "cause Daddy's going to drive me to school."

"What did she say?" Derek asked.

"Not too much," Rob told him, "and no tears…that's the problem. She told me she was going home, that she's asking Maggie to take her now."

"I know," Derek said. "I did not mean to hurt her feelings."

"I know that," Rob said. "Make sure Jenna does. I'll see you tonight," he paused, certain that would be his brother in law's decision, "and Derek, thanks for being here. I haven't had a chance to say it, but you have no idea how much it meant to Jenna to see you and meet Meredith. She was so sure and excited you should both be the godparents."

"Thanks," Derek said to him, "for taking care of her. I probably shouldn't have beaten you up...in hindsight."

"I'd beat me up," Rob chuckled, "if I were you…for falling in love with her at seventeen…even though it was not about me wanting to get in her pants as you said between punches."

"Rob," Derek chuckled too, "she couldn't have done better than you."

"I fell in love with her Shep, the first time I saw her."

"Yeah…I'm sure that's true, but you were ten years older than my baby sister you ass."

"Oh oh…" Katie said as looked up at both men, "Uncle Derek…you need time out."

"Yes," Meredith said as she walked down the stairs one hand holding Meghan's, while she also carried some toys. "He does Katie."

"Cause why Aunty M?" Meghan pulled on her hand and asked.

"Cause he said a naughty word Meggie," her sister answered.

"Oh oh," she sounded just like he sister, "Granma wash your mouth with soap."

"Meggie," Rob said as he lifted her into his arms, "what's all this…"

"They my toys cause Uncle D and Aunty M put them on the plane and they give me them."

"They knew your favorites," he smiled as his daughter.

"Yep," she said, "My Little Pony."

"You be a good girl for Mommy today," Rob said and kissed her.

"Daddy I always a good girl," Meghan said as she rubbed her nose against his.

"Yes, you are," Rob said and kissed her cheek. "I'll see you later, we have to make sure Katie's not late for school."

"No fast driving Daddy," Meghan told her dad. "Mommy gets real mad when the policemen stop you."

"Old habits die hard," Derek laughed, "still speeding?"

"Who ever heard of twenty five mile an hour limits," he laughed. "I finally got a break two years ago when I performed surgery on the judge. All I need to do now is call her assistant."

"Twenty five miles an hour," Derek laughed. "Things have changed…"

"Nothing was as important as making your sister happy."

"What did I miss?" Meredith asked.

"I've got to run," Rob said, "we're going to get scolded by the principal."

"That's Aunty Pat," Katie told Meredith, "but at school we gots to call her Sister Patricia. Bye Uncle Derek…bye Aunt Meredith…see you later."

"Bye Katie," Meredith smiled at her, as the little girl reached for her father's hand. "Have a good day at school."

"Meghan," Meredith spoke softly to her, "why don't you show Granma your toys."

"I do that," Meghan said, "but you come to play with me?"

"Yes," Meredith told her, "I will, I just need to talk with Uncle Derek first."

"He's in twouble," she lowered her voice, "cause of saying a naughty word. Aunty M…he gots to be in time out…just like Daddy."

"I think he's very sorry for that," Meredith wanted to laugh, "but I'm going to talk to him about it. So…I'll see you in a few minutes, ok?"

The little girl ran to the kitchen and Meredith turned to Derek. She was standing on the staircase steps, thus their gazes at eye level, and she leaned into him.

"Derek," their faces were barely inches apart, "I know…you were thinking of me…how I would be feeling…how I would react to all of this...the family…Jenna's pregnancy…"

"Meredith," he said tenderly, his words a caress.

"No…wait," she smiled, gently looking at him. "I know that part of the reason you wanted to spend the night away was for me…but, Derek…I'm ok…really ok…and your sisters have missed you…and part of me wants to be away too…spend time with my husband…we need time…after last night, I want us to have that time…alone. But, Derek…we'll have all the time in the world when we get home…and I know you've missed your family as much as they've missed you…and this trip," she wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed him tenderly, "I got something I never expected…a family…sisters in law that genuinely seem to like me…and I like them too Derek…and Jenna…" she locked gazes with him, "one day…when I'm three weeks away from having our baby…a third baby…"

"Meredith," he whispered tenderly, "I know we said…"

"Shush…" she silenced him with her lips. "One day…when I'm feeling just like she is right now…I'd want my family…our family to pamper me a bit…and maybe even want them around…maybe not all staying with us…but…taking care of our boys," she said referring to the often talked about healing dream.

"I love you Meredith," he said, once again this morning discovering that his love for her, the woman that had saved him from drowning in misery and the loss of future hopes and dreams, continued to evoke new emotions and reach depths never imagined.

"I adore you Derek, don't ever forget it…and I promise…I'll make it up to you…our night together in New York…and don't ever forget…my dream…our dreams…"

"You don't have to make anything up to me," he said, hugging her close to him, kissing her neck gently.

"But," she whispered as her tone became seductively intimate, and pressed herself against him, "I want to."

"I love you," he said again, and pulled slightly away from their embrace to smile at her.

"I may even," she gave him the half smile that never failed to make him bask in the warmth and comfort of their love, "let you have a little fun with Dr. Grey," she teased.

"Uhmmm…" he nibbled her lips, sucking her bottom lip eliciting a moan from her.

"Derek," she smiled, "there's a little one in the house…"

"Oh," he teased, "you're only worried about a kid in the house…not one full of gossips."

"Just the kid," she kissed him. "The gossips," she giggled, "seem to know what sex…" she deepened their kiss before she said, "lust and passion are all about."

"Another night…" he said as his eyes twinkled in amusement.

"Another silent night," she teased back and they both laughed.

"Who knew we had it in us," he hugged her.

"Indeed," she hugged him back. "Go talk to her…see what's wrong."

"Other than me being an insensitive ass."

"Think there's more to it than that," Meredith observed. "She wasn't crying."

"Always a bad sign," Derek said. "Reminds me a little of you…when you retreat behind that impenetrable wall of steel…"

"Derek," she said softly, never leaving his gaze.

"Used to…" he said as he cupped her face, "we've come a long way from that…"

"We have," she turned her face slightly and kissed the palm of his hand.

Embracing one last time, Meredith then watched Derek walk upstairs, as she turned to join their family in the kitchen.

"Aunty M," Meghan exclaimed running up to her, "is Uncle D in time out?"

"No sweetie," Meredith said as she lifted the little girl, and smiled as she wrapped her small legs around her waist. "Because he was really sorry," she said, and glanced around the kitchen meeting each of the women's eyes, "and he's going to be very very careful with the words he uses next time…"

Carolyn Shepherd walked up to Meredith and gently hugged her. "Meggie," she said, "you have a very special Aunty M…"

"She is this special," the little girl said as she opened her arms as wide as she could. "Cause she's going to be my baby sister grandmother…"

"Godmother," Carolyn corrected, "I'm the grandmother…Aunt Meredith is going to be the godmother."

"Granma," the little girl reached out to touch her grandmother's face, "cause why?"

"Because," Carolyn smiled and kissed her check, "your Mommy and Daddy wanted Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith to be the new baby's godparents."

"No, silly…" Meghan pressed her tiny hands against her grandmother's cheeks, "cause why is the name godmother…cause they know God?"

"That's a new one Mom," Nancy laughed.

"Yes, Granma," Maggie, "cause they know God?"

"No, baby," Carolyn took her from Meredith's arms and smirked back at her daughters, "why don't you come with me, and I'm going to explain it to you," and walked out of the kitchen.

"Not fair Mom," Kathleen called after her, "we need to hear the answer."

"Figure it out on your own," she called back to them, and heard their laughter.

"She has no idea," Nancy told Meredith, "she needs time to find an answer."

"It's a good question you know," Meredith said, "why exactly is it godparents? The God part I mean…obviously…it's…"

"Meredith," Maggie said, "forget that now…you can ask Aunt Pat, where's Derek?"

"He went upstairs," Meredith said, "and I expect right now, he's talking to Jenna."

"Here," Nancy said, as she passed a fresh poured cup of coffee to Meredith. "It's going to be a while before those two get down here."

"We're going to be here tonight," Meredith said. "We're spending the night."

"So we heard," Kathleen smiled, as she reached across the table and placed her hand over Meredith's, "from Katie. Thank you."

"There'll be lots of trips," Meredith smiled back at her, "for us to spend in the City," and the four women continued their conversation while Derek's had barely began.

"Jenna," he'd called out as he knocked softly on the door, and expectedly silence had followed, and he insisted a few times. "If you don't respond I'm going to come in anyway, I know you don't lock the door…especially with Meghan here."

He knocked again, and hearing his sister walking around the room, cracked the door open. "You better be decent, cause I'm coming in anyway…I've given you fair warning."

"Go away Derek," she finally responded. "I'm busy."

He took that as a sign to walk in and found his sister folding some items, he'd correctly assumed, she was about to pack and stopped her, taking them away from her and laying them on the bed.

"Jen," he said softly, "I didn't mean to hurt your feelings."

"You didn't," she answered, "I understand you want to spend time away…"

"Stop," he said, and took the other items, "making light of it. I know I did…"

"I understand Derek, really… and I appreciate you have busy schedules and that you both took the time to be here, so thank you."

"Listen to me," he said and turned her around, forcing her to look at him, though she did not meet his gaze. "We're going to be here tonight…I shouldn't have blurted out that…"

"No," Jenna said suddenly, "don't make it about that…it's not that you blurted it out. It's the fact you didn't want to be here…I get you want to spend time with Meredith, that you're newlyweds…I do…" she continued to talk, and he knew how deeply hurt she was by the fact she was not shedding a tear; Jenna would retreat behind a wall of steel ever since their father died, pretending that nothing hurt her, and that's when they all knew she was hurting most. "But, if all you wanted …all you could stand was twenty four hours with us…you should have stayed in Seattle. It would have made it easier, since you're likely going to do the same for the baptism…which, by the way…you don't have to worry…Rob and I can pick other godparents so you don't have to make the trip or be bothered with my children."

Derek cleared his throat, feeling the purposefully hurtful reply as though she'd slapped him. "Jenna Patricia," he said in a soft tone, "you know better, when we hurt…"

"Don't," Jenna said, "don't…" and he saw the wall begin to crumble, "that's…you know that's…"

"What Daddy," Derek lifted her chin to meet his gaze, and he fought to speak past the lump in his throat, "would say," Derek finished her thoughts and continued his own. "Jenna Patricia, you know better, when we hurt the most and are angry and sad…we have to be most careful…not to say things that we know hurt others too…that's when we have to remember how much we love them…and how much they love us…"

"You…" Jenna mumbled, "you're…not being fair…"

"Jen…are you?" he asked softly. "You know what it means to me…to be your baby's godfather. I've waited a long time…for that honor."

"You know why…" Jenna said, softening, "we decided…we agreed, you were going to be godfather to our boy…and that's why we waited…"

"You're having a girl now," Derek teased her, attempting to get her to smile. "Unless you're lying to us…"

"I didn't want to wait anymore," Jenna told him. "I don't know…I'm not sure…if there's going to be another one…that's why…"

"Jenna," Derek said, alert to what she wasn't saying. "What's wrong…why wouldn't there be another one…you're the one that always wanted six kids…three boys and three girls…"

"It's," she shrugged, "it hasn't been easy…this last time," she said as she placed her hand over her belly and rubbed gently.

"What do you mean," he said with concern, and pulled her along with him, forcing her to sit on the window seat. "What's going on?"

"It wasn't easy," she said, and she saw the genuine concern in his eyes, and once again,

as so often throughout her life, Derek became the confidant; the only keeper of her once perceived shameful secret. "It has not been easy…getting pregnant…I wasn't sure if it would happen at all."

"You have two girls…healthy beautiful girls…"

"When Katie was born," she said, "we decided to try to have the kids close together, it took two years to get pregnant with Meghan, and so I started trying as soon as she turned one…and it took almost eighteen months…so…I didn't want to take any chances..."

"Jenna," Derek smiled at her, "you're a doctor…you know that's not necessarily a long time…"

"Derek," she smiled for the first time, "our sisters get pregnant just thinking about it…"

"The older ones do," he conceded, "Maggie hasn't wanted more kids."

"I'm not so sure…"

"Jenna…come on, you've heard her…she doesn't want more kids."

"I think she does," Jenna confided, "but after what happened between her and John…"

"They're happy…they got over that…"

"I'm not so sure," his sister said. "I worry about her."

"I should talk to her…make sure she's ok."

"Derek…" Jenna said softly, "she never talks about it…"

"She knows I won't say anything," he said. "I've never said a thing…"

"You always kept my secrets," Jenna spoke softly. "Never ever let me down…"

"I love you, Jeni," he used the childhood name their father had for her, "you were my baby sister…who was hurting so bad…I'd never break a promise to you…ever…"

"Derek," she said, now all her emotions poignantly and sadly reflected in her eyes. "Do you really believe he forgave me," she asked the question that had been dormant for over twenty years.

"I do…" Derek told her, "I know he did…and also that he knew…he does Jeni…he does know…that you loved him…loved him so much that your heart hurt and it made you say things you didn't mean…he knows how much you love him…how much we all did…and still do…"

"You mean that…really…" she asked as the wall she'd put up against him crumbled completely, and she gave in to the fears and hopes his answers held.

"I do…" Derek assured her, as he hugged her. "I know am right."

"You never talk about him…"

"I do now…"

"Because of her…because of Meredith…" Jenna said instinctively.

"Yes… because of her…"

"Will you tell me your secret?" Jenna asked as he'd done often as she grew up.

"No secrets…" he smiled at her.

"Derek," his sister insisted. "Since you got here…there's something…both of you…are keeping…there's been a few times, I see this look between you…and then it's gone."

"You remember…how I've always kept your secret…never told anyone," his sister nodded. "I'm keeping her secrets too…but I know…Meredith will tell you herself…one day, when she's ready."

"Is she ok? Is anything wrong?"

"She's ok. Nothing is wrong. But, there's something I will tell you…so you can understand why it was important to me, to spend some time with her…to make it up to her for all the times I've hurt her…because, Jeni… just a few months ago…we didn't think we'd make it."

"Derek," his sister said filled with concern, the focus of their talk shifting completely. "But you're married…and you're happy, I can see you're happy…you've been married six months…almost…"

"We are…but…I hurt her so much…and then one day… she hurt me too…just like Daddy said," Derek used the childhood name he'd rarely mentioned since his father died, except when speaking with Jenna. "She was hurting so much…and that's when I called Kathleen, because I though it was over, that there was no hope…and I needed Kathleen. Not just my sister….but professionally…I knew she would be the only one that could help…because I thought Meredith and I were over…and I didn't know how I was going to cope."

"I've kept your secrets too," she accused softly, "but…you never turn to me…anymore."

"You have," he acknowledged, "you were the only one that knew what happened with Addison…when I came home and found them. But, this time… you were pregnant…and happy…and I didn't, I couldn't do that…."

"Derek," his sister said. "I'm sorry…I overreacted today…but…you've been so absent…since you went to Seattle…for so long, just recently you've been in touch

again, and when you said you were leaving…it hurt a lot…the idea that you'd be gone, that you didn't want to spend time with us…it made me think of how Daddy was gone…and never came back."

"He had no choice…" Derek told her.

"I know…but you did, and you chose not to be in touch with us…for months. Even though I knew what had happened…and never said anything…you stayed away."

"Would you like me to tell you…fill you in…" he said, "what's gone in my life…since I last saw you?"

"I would…but first," she said, "I have to apologize…for hurting you too."

"There's no need," he smiled and hugged her, "you're always going to be my little sister…the one I need to look out of for and never hurt your feelings."

"We're supposed to be all grown up," Jenna hugged him back as she laid her head on his shoulder. "But, we're not Derek… we still do this…when we're hurting say hurtful words…"

"We're human…it happens…"

"Will you forgive me for what I said… about the godparents. I don't want anyone but you…"

"I know," he hugged her closer.

"And Derek…you always said…" he heard the sentimental sniffle, and smiled before he looked at her.

"I didn't matter when I was the godfather, because, no matter what…I'd always be there to look after all your children…all my nieces and nephews…if they ever needed me."

"I love you Derek, we all do and I've missed you so much," she said, and he saw the tears and welcomed them, knowing the emotional barriers were completely gone.

"I love you too, and I've missed you…and I promise you…I won't ever be away so long. Our being here, and it's because of you, so you could meet Meredith, as you wanted, reminded me of what a wonderful family we have…that all the good things in my life…all the blessings Mom's always reminding us of, other than Meredith…are here…right here in this home…"

"I feel the same way," Jenna wiped away a tear; her brother never shared so much of his emotions. "I know I'm being selfish…wanting you to be here another day…another night for dinner with all the chaos and wake up for breakfast in the morning…"

"That's what Meredith said," he smiled.

"She called me selfish," Jenna said, "she really did…"

"No," he smiled, "she was talking about me."

"Oh…" Jenna smiled, "I was going to go give her a piece of my mind."

"Thank you," he said, and Jenna heard the emotion in his voice.

"For what…"

"For accepting her…making her feel at home…asking her to be part of my goddaughter's life," he smiled and voluntarily placed his hand over Jenna's abdomen, and felt the baby kick. The talk with Meredith last night had made it possible for him to enjoy this moment.

"She's agreeing," Jenna told him, "with her Mommy and Daddy's choice," the baby kicked again.

"You know," Derek smiled, "we're going to spoil her…Meredith was serious about having her spend time with us in Seattle."

"That's really home now," Jenna said.

"It is…because of Meredith."

"Tell me," Jenna encouraged for him to continue with the earlier conversation, "about your life…your new home," and he did, revealing only what he'd done to hurt his wife; concealing the truth about Addison, the date with Rose, while barely glossing over what led to him calling Kathleen. But, the sadness that they shared over the loss of Brianna was a closely guarded secret; until the time, if the time ever came, when Meredith chose to share it with Jenna and Maggie.

"I know," Jenna told him, as she made herself as comfortable as she could, her back cushioned by the pillows on the bench, "I'm supposed to be sympathetic here…but you really were an ass…not telling her," she said, "about that wicked witch…oh Derek…I'm so glad you found Meredith…I'm so glad she's in your life."

"So am I," he said, "and it makes me even happier…you understand…and are on her side, but," he smiled, "don't tell her that. She already has Mom and Kathleen totally on her side."

"Oh…and so is Maggie," Jenna laughed, "after last night's comment about she wasn't married…just slutty. I think even Nancy is on her side. I think you're on your own big brother."

Derek hugged her, "she deserves all your support…she's never known what a family is like," he said. "Jenna…there won't ever be enough I can do to make so many things up to her…"

"Derek," Jenna smiled at him. "Don't be so hard on yourself, and no brooding…she loves you…she's forgiven you…it's time to forgive yourself."

"You sound like Ma," he said.

"Take that back," she said instinctively, and they both started laughing.

"Ma told me the same thing," he said, "when she was in Seattle."

"We're both right."

"Jeni," Derek said. "Dad would be so proud of you…"

"Derek…" she said, and now the tears did gather and one slipped as she tried no to sob all over him. "I hope he forgave me…I never meant to say I hated him…I was just so angry…so angry and hurt that he was gone…"

"There was never anything to forgive," Derek soothed, "he knew…you loved him more than anything …just as he loved you."

"I tell him," she said, "almost every day…just a silent moment…that I love him."

"He knows…and Jeni…he would be very proud of the woman his little girl became…the wife, the doctor…the wonderful caring sister and daughter …and especially the mom. Your little girls…they are a reflection of you now…and when you were that age, I can only hope they grow up just like you."

"You managed, didn't you," she said. "To make me a slobbering mess again…"

"I can deal with tears Jeni…it's the sadness I don't like to see…never have."

"Derek," she said, "we never talk about it…but, I want you to know…if it had to happen…that Daddy was gone…I thank God for giving me you," she didn't try to stop the flow of tears.

Derek hugged her tight. "No matter how far I am …don't ever forget…I'm only a call away…and if you need me…Jeni…I'll be here…even when I stayed away…please tell me you knew you only need to ask…"

"I've always known that," his sister kissed his cheek. "Since the day you found me in the attic…after Daddy was gone…I've known…you'd always be there."

"Mom," Jenna said, as she walked in the living room where her sisters and Meredith were talking to Carolyn. "Is there any chocolate cake left?"

"Yes," Carolyn said, and winked at Meredith, "but, it's for Meredith."

"She'll share," Jenna said as she lowered herself next to Meredith who was holding Meghan on her lap, and was delighted, especially after all Derek had shared with her; Meredith's doubts about fitting in with their family, at how her little girl had instantly accepted Meredith.

"I don't think so," Meredith teased her, "that was the best chocolate cake I've ever had and Lexie told me Carolyn sent her the recipe, but I'm no taking any chances she can duplicate it, so I'm eating the rest of it before I go home. I'm not even going to share with Derek."

"That's because he's a health nut freak," Kathleen laughed, "but if I remember…from our visit… he has a thing for sharing chocolate desserts with you."

"Oh shit...I forgot…I mean…ship…" she tried to fix the situation but it was too late.

"Oh oh," Meghan said, "Aunty M…Granma wash your mouth with soap…"

"I think she made a mistake," Carolyn said, "she meant to say something else."

"Yes," Meredith added quickly, "I did…it was ship…Cristina was going to ship your present and instead gave it to me and I forgot to give it to you."

"Cristina sent me a present," Carolyn said, "that was very sweet of her."

"I have to go get it," she said. "It's all Derek's fault you know, he took everything out of the suitcase, I have to see where he put it…by the way…Jenna…did you leave my husband on time out?"

"No," Jenna laughed, "he was going to check up on that patient he got a call about yesterday."

"Mommy," Meghan said, "did you and Uncle Derek make up…cause it's not nice to fight with your brothers and sisters…and… "

"Little pitchers," Nancy laughed.

"We didn't fight sweetie," Jenna leaned in to kiss her check. "We were just talking."

"You talk a lot Mommy…cause you was gone a long time…I see two shows of curious George and you was not back," her aunts all smiled indulgently.

"Meggie, do you want to watch a movie?" Maggie asked her.

"Aunt Maggie," Meghan looked at her, "you wanna have grown up talk?"

"Grown up talk," Derek said as he strolled in the room, "that's boring…" he said and bent down to kiss Meredith's lips, his hand gently squeezing her shoulder letting her know all was well. "How about we go outside for a while…"

"Can we play on the swings…" the little girl said excitedly.

"We sure can," he said, as he lifted her off Meredith's lap. "Jenna, does she need a jacket?"

"Yes," all the women answered simultaneously, and he smiled at Meredith.

"Derek," Meredith joked, "I think Jenna's right…you need kid lessons."

"I need kid lessons," he smirked, and raised an eyebrow at her playfully.

"I knew they weren't sleeping," Meredith told him, "and that she needs a jacket. So much for all those fourteen nieces and nephews you told me about…you still don't have a clue."

"Meghan," Derek winked at his wife, "let's leave these boring grown ups…and go outside," he said to the delightful giggles of youngest niece, and his wife's raised eyebrow as she mouthed, "boring…"

"Stop flirting with him Meredith," Nancy said, attempting to get back to the light hearted mood of the early morning, while fully aware they were all going to ask about what happened, "and you…Jenna, spill the beans…what did he have to do…it only took an hour …"

"What are you talking about?" Jenna said ignoring her sisters, momentarily, as she knew they would not let the subject drop. "You know Meredith," she laughed as she glanced at the assorted items Meghan had left scattered on the sofa and the floor. "Did you buy out the Little Pony store? Newborn cuties and strollers…"

"I thought…it would be good, since you'll have a new baby soon…it seemed like a good idea, though I don't know much about what to buy for kids…so you'll have to let me know, all of you will, if they like other things…"

"It's perfect Meredith," Jenna smiled at her, "and the games and stickers and DVD, both girls will enjoy that…and Katie adores all things Barbie so that Princess was perfect too."

"I wanted to kill Derek," Meredith shared with Jenna especially, "for not telling me we were coming…literally…he told me the morning we were flying out here."

"I'd have encouraged you," Jenna said, "for being such a moron…just like earlier…"

"Jenna," Nancy said, "stop beating around the bush…did you bribe him for being such an idiot…because it didn't seem like…"

"No," Jenna said, "I did not bribe him. We talked…that was enough…and Meredith…I do understand that he wants to spend time just with you…but, I'm glad, you'll be here one more night."

"I take it," Carolyn said, "dinner plans are still on."

"Yes," Jenna smiled. "Thanks to Meredith, but, Derek told me on their next visit…he was definitely taking her to spend a couple days in the city, so I should just get used to it."

"Mom," Maggie said, "guess you're stuck with us another night."

"Nothing could please me more," Carolyn said. "To have all my girls and their husbands here…our family together…feels like Thanksgiving and Christmas combined."

"Meredith," Jenna said as though it was the most important thing in the world, "are you really not going to share that chocolate cake?"

_A/N 20DEC -Thanks for reading and commenting…after distributing over 5,000 toys/gifts through Friday, finally was able to write…it still surprises me that characters speak their mind. Somehow, it became important to show how close Derek has been to his sisters, not the seemingly superficial and distant relationship we see on Grey's, which does not make sense to me, given his comment way back when…that if he was seriously injured he' d want his sisters there…they'd want to be there. I will have the conclusion of their visit written before Christmas. If you're still interested in reading…please leave a comment. _

_The story here shows 200 chapters…but, note this is Chapter 191, part 3._


	201. Chapter 201

_Thanks for reading and heartfelt appreciation to everyone that continues to comment, it is the reason I am still inspired to try and do my best and not disappoint you; many of you have been enthusiastic supporters for almost two years and I thank you for some very humbling and inspiring thoughtful words:_ _Andyoullenjoyit, AFairy88, hockeyplayer, Airamn, MissRe, mamd, LA Calleigh, Karensmith, merderluvr, McGoddess ,Maureen, McMerDer , emsoreoangel , snv3 , bextra1256, marie5282, saturninablack, whitelight72, sourpatch943, silver1989(THANK YOU!!!!)_

_Christmas kept me busy with four different family gatherings that were amazing. While talking to one of the littlest family members on Christmas day, an adorable almost four dainty blonde, had my wheels turning as I thought… surely… this dialogue cannot be wasted! Hope you enjoy this last chapter of the family visit. Well…you will not be surprised that when I wrote that comment about the last chapter…didn't realize it would reach fifty pages and almost 18,000 words…so there's Part 5._

_Wish you and your families a safe and happy holiday season; good health, happiness and prosperity in the New Year, Jasmin_

_**Ch 190 – Promised Dreams – Part 4**_

Meredith pretended to ignore Jenna's question and turned to her mother in law. "Carolyn, is it ok if I help myself to some of the chocolate cake?"

"Of course dear," Carolyn said, "make yourself at home…there are no more surprises planned to keep you out of the kitchen."

"Meredith," Kathleen said when she saw her sister in law get up and walk toward the stairs. "Kitchen's in the opposite direction."

"I know," Meredith called out, "I'm going to get Cristina's gift for Mom first."

Carolyn Shepherd chuckled softly, and Meredith turned to her, "what?"

"See saws sweetheart," Carolyn smiled.

"Oh…" Meredith smiled back and giggled, "yes…" and hurried toward the stairs.

"Mom, what's that all about?" Kathleen asked.

"She keeps alternating between Carolyn and Mom," Carolyn told Kathleen, "hence the see saw. I told her that yesterday."

"See saws and swings," Jenna smiled, "do you think they want kids soon?"

"I think," Nancy said, "they may want to enjoy being newlyweds for a while. But," she smiled at her mother and Kathleen, "I get the feeling they won't be waiting years either."

"Can you just see it," Maggie said, "Derek a dad?"

"Hopefully," Jenna smiled, "they'll be spending more time with us, he definitely needs kids lessons before that happens," and all the sisters laughed.

"I think," Nancy said, "Meredith has more common sense than he does," and then just as Meredith was walking back in the living room she heard the last of her comment, "at least…when it comes to avoiding conversations about kinky sex and what you wouldn't want repeated with kids around…especially when they're in bed with you."

"Stop teasing us about that," Meredith laughed, "we said nothing about kinky sex…but you and Jenna..."

"Meredith," Maggie joked, "at this stage, all Jenna can do is tease about it. Believe me, sex may be feasible…but kinky…unlikely…"

"Mom…" Meredith said, fully realizing she'd used the more endearing term, "please tell them to stop embarrassing Derek with sex conversations around him."

"I'll see what I can do," Carolyn smiled, as Meredith handed her a package wrapped in plain brown shipping paper.

"She was going to ship it," Meredith explained, "when Derek told her we were flying out here, so she said there was no sense in going out and buying new paper."

"Sounds like Cristina," Carolyn said as she began to unwrap the square box, and was delighted at what she found. "These are just wonderful," she smiled as she took out three items, "she was with me when I bought some at the spa, and she asked me in an email if they were any good. This is very sweet of her."

"Mom, what did she send?" Kathleen asked.

"Pancake mix, oatmeal and spices," Carolyn replied.

"Speaking of food," Meredith said, "I'm going to help myself to a piece of chocolate cake," and smiled at her sisters in law, except at Jenna who could not see her face, and walked to the kitchen, returning with a plate that held a large piece of cake and sat next to Jenna.

"Carolyn," Meredith said when she sat down, "this is really the best chocolate cake I've ever had…I may even attempt to learn how to make it…"

Her sisters in law, except Jenna, laughed.

"What's so funny?" Meredith asked.

"The see saw Mom…" Maggie said, "Mom told us."

"Oh…" Meredith replied, "it's…just not used to it…"

"It's fine sweetheart," Carolyn smiled, "and I'll be happy to teach you how to make it."

"Maybe," Meredith said, "when we're here next time."

Carolyn removed the wrapping material from the box, and said, "there's a card, I almost missed it," and took an envelope from the bottom of the box.

Jenna, meanwhile, glanced at the cake and placed her hand on her abdomen, rubbing it gently, "I know sweetie…you're hungry…and your godmother is being very mean."

"Your godmother," Meredith giggled, and sliced a small piece of cake onto the fork, presumably for herself, "is being very nice…to your mommy," and smiled handing Jenna the plate, feeling she'd teased her enough by withholding the cake, and asked quietly, almost whispering. "Are you and Derek ok?"

"Your godmother is definitely Mommy's favorite sister in law," Jenna said as she took a bite, "just as I'm your Uncle Derek's favorite sister," she smiled softly at Meredith, their eyes meeting in understanding.

"I'm your only sister in law," Meredith laughed; her husband and sister were just fine.

"No you're not," Maggie laughed, "she has at least a dozen."

"She does not," Kathleen laughed.

"Mer," Nancy said, "Rob is one of eight kids, he had it worse than Derek; seven are girls."

"Eight kids…" Meredith said, "I can't imagine what that would be like…all together…"

"You mean our family with five is bad enough," Maggie said, "and you're right…"

"Hey," Jenna said in between bites of cake, "don't give her any ideas…just because you lucked out and John only has …"

"She lucked out," Kathleen argued, "really…you'd rather Mom & Dad had stopped; let's say after Nancy?"

"Oh, no," Jenna said, "that would have never happened. They needed to get to the kids that have a sweeter disposition."

"Bitch," Nancy said.

"Exactly…" Jenna smiled at her sister, "just ask Meredith, she experienced it first hand."

"We didn't call her a bitch," Meredith knew it was ok to laugh, "we softened it a bit and added the mc…and she's happy…with mchottie…"

"Thank you Meredith," Nancy chuckled. "The mchottie was totally worth the overnight trip."

"So we heard last night," Maggie joked. "How much you and Mike …"

"You did not," Nancy said with a dead pan expression, "we had sex on the way back from Alice's," and her sisters erupted in laughter.

"Wouldn't be the first time," Kathleen said and Nancy glared at her. "What…we all know…even Mom…"

"What...wait," Meredith said, "you have to finish that…because, there's like five different conversations that remain unfinished…venial sins, Maggie's two kids…Navy officers asking Mom out on dates…"

"Speaking of pending things," Kathleen said glancing over at her mother. "Mom, what did Cristina say?"

"Let me read," Carolyn said and opened the envelope, to reveal not a card but a gift certificate. "Meredith, did you know what she sent, she included a gift certificate."

"She would not tell me," Meredith said. "Where to?"

"The spa where we went, it's too much, she should not have done this."

"You bring out a softer side of her Carolyn," Meredith said, "not too many do."

"Typical Cristina," Carolyn chuckled, "she sent me a copy of the email she wrote," she commented as she began to read and understand the deep bond of friendship; one she'd questioned months before on a small side street in Venice; while her daughters and Meredith continued to talk.

_Mama Shep, Mer & Shepherd saved me a trip to the post office. Just printing this out, since I'd already started to write it._

_Look out for Mer. She's never been affected by anything as much as she was by the miscarriage, and think it's going to be hard for her to be around your daughter. Every once in a while when she wears her bracelet, she touches the small angel charm or you see her bringing a finger to the corner of her eyes. I know you and Kathleen will make it ok; and of course Derek will be hovering. But, I think, he too, may need for you to look out for him. _

_If things get too serious, have her tell you Kelly's story about lack of pajamas, both her parents and Lexie's. It's amazing how much that little girl has helped them both. And, now…for what you really want to know. Think we may be settling our bet sooner than we all think. M/L have become very familiar with each other in simple every day things, and you find him smiling at her with an indulgent puppy eyes expression, which is really overly saccharine, but you can see they really do enjoy each other's company. They went shopping together for the baby shower and Mer was not too happy. But, I think she's pretending, she's developed a soft spot for Sloan, ever since he was so unmanwhorelike when they lost the baby. He's still dating Tracy, but I agree with you that neither is in love with the other. Not that I pay attention to those things. Ok, this is way too long. I hope you to see you again soon. Enjoy the family visit; I know how much it means to you. _

"Mmmm…" Jenna savored the cake, "this is so good…" she moaned in between bites.

"You know Jenna," Kathleen teased her, "I think Rob would be rightly jealous…"

"Why," Jenna said, as she again moaned in appreciation of the cake.

"Bet," Maggie said, "that's more moaning than he's heard lately."

"Bet," Nancy laughed, "that you're wrong."

"Good call," Jenna laughed. "You weren't paying attention yesterday."

"She's right," Meredith giggled, "she did say they'd enjoyed morning sex."

"I was never too keen on it," Carolyn said matter of factly, inwardly smiling; it was always amusing to catch them off guard.

"Mom…Ma…" echoed five voices, "Derek's right…"

"What's wrong with you," Carolyn said delighted, even Meredith had reacted, "surely you know how difficult it is to have uninterrupted morning…and…"

"Ok…Mom," Meredith said, "I have to agree with you…"

"Whaaat…" Jenna said, "you can't agree with her…you don't have kids…"

"No, but we had your kids in our bed this morning," Meredith reminded her laughing.

"I agree with Mom too," Maggie said, "once you have kids, morning sex is just about shot…for a while anyway," she laughed, "but while pregnant, it's about the only time you may have any energy it seems," she said, and Meredith again noticed a hint of melancholy in her voice.

"I can't believe," Meredith smiled at Carolyn, "how you all discuss these things…my mother never did…not in this context, except after she got sick and didn't know she was actually talking to me," she paused, realizing the room had become quiet. "She had Alzheimer's at the end…but…it's ok…I can talk about it," she said, though nothing else would be discussed about it during this trip, it was an immense issue of trust Meredith had just overcome, which Carolyn and Kathleen recognized, "with family."

"Speaking of family," Carolyn said, "I better get in the kitchen and see what we're going to have for lunch today," and she got up and took the plate from Jenna.

"Ma…" Jenna protested.

"Surely, you're not going to lick the plate," Carolyn said to her youngest daughter and went ahead and sat next to her, and Meredith took note of how she started to place her hand on Jenna's belly and pulled back.

"Jenna, that's an idea," Nancy teased, "that will make someone else moan…"

"Oh my God," Meredith laughed, "I'm so glad Derek's not here…"

"Serves him right," they heard the familiar voice. "What did your brainless husband do now," Patricia said as she walked in and sat down next to Carolyn, "that you're glad he's not here and he's been sent outside to babysit?"

"He didn't do anything," Jenna defended her brother, making it clear to her sisters that whatever had happened earlier was not up to discussion; but, was ok revealing the lighter side of the morning conversation. "Except it's clear he's clueless about kids. Aunt Pat, the girls crawled in bed with them this morning and he actually thought they were sleeping while he decided to talk kinky sexy with Meredith…"

"He did what," Pat looked at Meredith, "and you let him…"

"No," Meredith told her, "I shut him up."

"Thank heaven you have enough sense. I swear you'd think that man doesn't have years of training on how the brain works," she said and they all laughed. "Not to mention, the red witch…"

"The red witch," Meredith said and could not help but smile.

"That one, the snotty compound name," Pat waved her hand dismissively, "never showed enough warmth towards the kids that they'd want to crawl into bed with her…you're going to be a good mom Meredith," she said as though it was the most natural thing in the world. "Whenever you and Derek decide it's the right time; Carolyn you're going to have some very lucky grandkids…all twenty one of them…"

"Twenty one…" a chorus of five women was heard.

"That's impossible," Maggie said, "three of us are not having more kids…and surely between Meredith and Jenna they are not having six more kids."

Carolyn Shepherd remained quiet, observing her sister and five daughters, as Meredith was one more of her girls, though surprised that Patricia was being so open about a gift she seldom revealed even amongst her family.

"There are five women here," Patricia said, "and all of you…technically can still …"

"I can't," Kathleen said. "Kevin's had a vasectomy, that's no secret."

"They've been known to fail," Patricia said and grinned at her sister.

"Aunt Pat," Kathleen said, "this is no joking matter. Unlike Maggie's denial, I know you're not just saying it…I know…you see six more grandkids…"

"That I do," their aunt acknowledged, "six very happy kids."

"Oh God," Jenna said, "Meredith, it's your turn…I know I'm not having six more …"

"I'm not having six kids," Meredith said and smiled at her sister(Kathleen) and mother in law, and placed her hand on Jenna's abdomen, removing the barrier that had made Carolyn hold back earlier and effectively eliminated Carolyn's earlier restraint, which she knew was to protect her feelings. "She's being really good Jenna," she smiled, "aren't you little one…maybe…your Uncle Derek and I will give you two or three cousins," she reached for Carolyn's hand and removed her own, "feel that Grandma…she's just rolling, enjoying all that chocolate cake."

"She's lucky," Carolyn said, "Jenna's got a great metabolism, which she will hopefully inherit…and won't be addicted to sugar when she's born, or we'll have a baby with rolls everywhere…"

"Mom," Maggie said, "they're cute with their fat baby rolls…I can't wait for her to be a chubby one just like her sisters."

"Aunt Pat," Nancy said, intrigued by her aunt's adamant conviction about six more grandchildren, "you can't just throw six more grandkids out there…and not explain…"

"Of course I can," Pat replied, "you know I don't like to say anything. But, this time…it's all happy babies…and mommies I see…so it was right to share it with all of you…blessed moments to look forward to."

Her nieces began a discussion of who could possibly be destined to increase the Shepherd family with six more grandkids, as Carolyn got up from the couch.

"Mom," Jenna said, "help me up...your granddaughter is now playing trampoline …"

Carolyn did, leaving Meredith and Patricia on the couch. "Girls, help me in the kitchen, let's figure out what we're having for lunch and dinner."

"She's not very subtle," Patricia said turning to Meredith. "It's barely ten thirty."

"Kettle calls the pot …"

Pat looked at her and smiled, "you mean…pot calling the kettle black…"

"Same thing," Meredith rolled her eyes, "Derek laughs at me all the time…"

"You know dear," Pat said without any preamble. "There are very few times, my family knows, that I allow myself to acknowledge this…gift or curse…as it feels sometimes; one that the Church indeed frowns upon. But, since I was very young, there were times, when I knew things…when I could see glimpses of the future, and though our mother was the same, she taught us to be very reserved and trust simply in God's will…and not attempt to read into the future."

"Derek," Meredith said, surprised by the conversation, but accepting it was meant for them to talk about it. "The first time he told me …that he gets these feelings, when he just knows what's going to happen next…Addison had shown up…and he hadn't told me about her, and then as way of explaining, he told me about what had happened…with Mark," she said, and then realizing how much she'd revealed, she stopped and looked down at her hands.

"Meredith," Patricia touched her hands in a motherly gesture, "whatever we discuss right now…I won't ever reveal it…and I think, my sister wanted to give us some time for me to share some of those happy glimpses with you."

"You and Carolyn," Meredith looked at her, "from the first moment I met you…you've been so kind…"

"She's the motherly one, though tough as nails, but she had five little ones to raise on her own, had to be mom and dad. I was lucky to have my husband a little longer."

"You're very close," Meredith said.

"That we are," Patricia said, "we were always the closest."

"These feelings…the gift, you said, you also called it a curse…"

"Yes," Patricia told her, "because often you don't want to know…you don't want to get those glimpses that are going to bring heartbreak," she paused closing her eyes before she continued speaking. "When my husband died…somehow…that entire week before it happened…I knew…sensed something was wrong and refused to acknowledge it…then he was gone…"

"I'm sorry..." Meredith said softly.

"Don't be…I did that for a long time…being sorry…but you see, I had more than most people. Twenty five years with the man I adored and a beautiful family. Now, I only remember what I had, not what I lost because he's with me everyday…lives on in our children and grandchildren."

"You and Carolyn…both of you speak of them with such love still…and not bitter…"

"Not anymore," Patricia said, "but we were. We were so bitter at the beginning…but time heals the pain and the loss," she told Meredith.

"How long…" Meredith almost whispered.

"How long?"

"For the pain to go away?" Meredith answered her. "The sadness."

"For me," Patricia said, taken by surprise by her question. "It was years before I could speak of it as I do now…but, I had six children and at the time two grandchildren, a third one on the way, and I knew they needed me…so I kept a lot of it bottled up inside until I knew I had to do something more, and when all the kids were away from home, in college, I began to see a therapist and became more involved in Church and discovered there was so much I could offer, not just to my family, it all helped me to heal."

"You don't like to talk about your gift," Meredith chose that description, "of glimpses of the future."

"I don't," Patricia said, and reached for Meredith's hand, "but since I got here yesterday, they wouldn't stop, so I gave in to it as my mother would often say and allowed myself to enjoy the glimpse of happiness I could see and share it with all of you…I already told Carolyn I'm going to be right there to help her, with the grandkids," she told Meredith, and smiled, "three of yours…"

Meredith gasped, "you see that?"

"I do," Patricia smiled, "so do you…"

"I…I'm …I don't…"

"Meredith," Patricia said, "you could be my daughter and I like you, I did from the moment I met you, so I'll talk to you as I would one of my own. You can trust your feelings you know…"

"I should," Meredith said, and told her about the bomb incident. "But, I agree, it's best not to know sometimes."

"I think," Patricia said, "we know to become aware…not that we can change things, but I promise you…the last forty eight hours…all happy glimpses…and Meredith, I only get glimpses of the future never the past. But, there's a sadness, and your question confirmed it, in you and Derek…I noticed just a couple of times…and I've said a prayer for you, that whatever it is…or was…"

"You only get glimpses of the future," Meredith said quietly.

"Yes."

"You're right," Meredith surprised herself yet again. "There is…"

"But," Patricia said, "I don't see any more of that…there's none of that in the future, at least…not the same kind of sadness…or loss."

"We lost a baby," Meredith said.

"Oh…sweetheart," Patricia embraced her, "I'm so sorry…and how we've gone on about you and Derek having kids…"

"It's ok," Meredith said, as she felt her eyes fill with tears, "it's ok now…"

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Meredith said as she wiped tears away, "not now..."

"Carolyn knows, doesn't she?"

"And Kathleen…Nancy just found out, she guessed. But, we don't want to say anything. Maybe later, we were happy about it, and it's not like we're trying to hide it… but we don't want to say anything while Jenna's expecting the baby…only happy thoughts of the baby."

"My nephew is incredibly lucky," Patricia said, "to have found you."

"I'm the lucky one," Meredith smiled, "he made me believe in love…and fairytales…and families…being here…he gave me that…a family."

"Meredith," Patricia said, "I know…you will have your own family…yours and Derek…three beautiful healthy children…I can hear their laughter."

"So can I," Meredith smiled, "it will happen…Derek and I …we know it will…"

"Yes," Patricia embraced her again, "it will."

"Pat…Aunt Pat," Meredith smiled at the glare of initial disapproval, "if I'm having three kids…the other three…"

Patricia's laughter echoed through the room, "I'm too old to be caught off guard…"

"But," Meredith smiled at her, "I'm not. I'm asking you, point blank."

"You know," Patricia said, "Carolyn and the girls…they all have a bit of the gift as well, even Derek…in different ways…but all of them need to trust their instincts…those feelings…"

"You're not going to tell me are you?"

"No…" Patricia smiled, "but you think you know…"

"I do," Meredith said.

"I'll tell you if you're right…"

"Maggie is really having twins isn't she?"

"Yes, she is…and I think that's the reason I'm allowing myself to be open to this, because she is blocking her own instincts…and twins are a handful…I know…"

"You have twins?"

"I do, twin girls, and two sets of grandchildren, you'll meet them at the baptism."

"So…that leaves one more…"

"That leaves one more boy…and it's all up for grabs…" she smiled, "one baby and five possible moms."

"Five…you can't mean that, because I'm having three…"

"That doesn't mean," Patricia said, "it won't be four…"

"Four kids…no…I'm not…" Meredith argued.

"I didn't say it was you either," Patricia chuckled, "but…it will be one of Carolyn's five daughters, and you're one of her five," she said, leaving Meredith stunned at the idea of a possible fourth child. "Let's go help in the kitchen…it's too quiet in there."

"I'm not having four kids," Meredith mumbled under her breath as she walked in the kitchen.

"Look what the cat dragged in," Patricia said as she saw her nephew and great niece.

"Aunty Pat," Meghan ran to her, "what cat?"

Patricia lifted her high in the air, "you silly…you dragged your Uncle Derek in…"

"I no cat," the little girl said, "I a princess…"

"Yes, you are," her aunt said hugging her.

"Hey," Derek whispered as he nuzzled Meredith's neck. "Want to play outside?"

"Behave," she giggled, but turned to hug him and briefly kissed his lips, "later…" she said, her words a seductive promise.

"Uhmmm…"

"Derek Christopher," Patricia said, "stop that…you've already done enough damage to little pitchers this morning talking about k-i-n-k-y s-e-x…"

"Not you too," Derek said, "is nothing sacred…you are a nun…"

"With six kids," Patricia laughed. "Don't be a prude. But, I agree, you do need kid lessons like Jenna said."

"Aunt Pat," Meredith said, as she wrapped her arm around his waist, "to be fair to my husband, his sisters all l-i-e-d…I never told them any s-e-x secrets…"

"Aunty M," Meghan interrupted her, "I don't like grown up talk…cause Mommy and Daddy…and Granma and Aunty Maggie," she rattled off all their names, "do that all the time…"

"Like mother…like daughter," Carolyn laughed. "No secrets…and n-o-s-y…"

"Granma…" Meghan whined after she too spelled a word.

"Sweetie," Carolyn took her from her sister, "would you like a cookie…you've burned lots of energy with Uncle Derek playing outside."

"See Meredith," Kathleen said, "three years old, already exposed to diversion 101," and they all laughed.

"Would you like a cookie," Meredith wrapped her arms around him, "till …" she teased, her eyes twinkling, "we can have dessert …later?"

"Remember," he teased her back, "silent nights…"

"Crap," she laughed.

"Oh oh…Granma…that's not a good word…"

"It's an ok word sweetie," Carolyn told her, conscientious of the audience's preferred alternative, "but only for grown up people."

"All right," Patricia said, "I don't have a lot of free time on my hands, so let's get…"

"You're trying to make us believe you're on time schedule now?" Maggie laughed.

"Carolyn," Patricia told her, "you really have very impertinent children."

"You love us…" Kathleen said, "we've always been your favorites."

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "as you have witnessed…my children are somewhat hung-up on favorites."

"That's because Mom and Aunt Pat clearly had them…"

"We did not," both sisters answered.

"Tell that to Aunt Mary's kids," Nancy laughed, "they were traumatized."

"See Ailene," Pat reverted to the childhood name, "that's where the drama comes from, it's your daughters and this brooding one, not me."

"They had you as role model," Carolyn told her.

"I'm not understanding," Meredith turned to Derek.

"What Mom means," he said, "is that while she worked as a Navy nurse, we spent every afternoon and summers with Aunt Pat… she lived behind us, hence the reason there's no fence between the two yards…spilling into Tom & Alice's…and the Andersons."

"Finish the explanations later Derek, I need to get back to school, but I've been recruited to be referee …"

"Referee to what?" Carolyn asked her.

"The traditional Shepherd baseball game," she said, "what else?"

"You're joking, really…" Derek said excited at the idea. "Who recruited you?"

"Your godson," she said, "and I agreed…including letting them all out early this afternoon so they can get homework done first and the game started by four o'clock…and hopefully finish by five thirty…"

"Aunt Pat," Kathleen said, "who else knows about this?"

"Your husbands," she said.

"And they agreed to let you referee?"

"They asked me to let the kids out early…and I did, so… I get to referee…"

"But you cheat," Nancy said.

"She what?" Meredith started to laugh. "A nun, and she also cheats. I don't believe you."

"Fine," Maggie laughed, "you play Monopoly with her and talk to me afterwards."

"I don't think I've ever finished a full game…" Meredith said.

"Come on Mer…every kid plays monopoly," Jenna said.

"My Mom wasn't big on games," Meredith said quietly.

"Well," Carolyn interrupted, "you'll have plenty of opportunities whenever you're here for holidays, because we still try to encourage board games rather than the individual electronic ones…so the kids interact with each other instead of a computer screen. But, Jenna's right," Carolyn said, "she does cheat…don't play with her."

"She does Meredith," Jenna said, "and she'll try every trick in the book, but doesn't affect me at all…I'm tough as nail, just like Mom…well, hopefully not just like Mom."

"See what I mean Meredith, they all admit…yet deny they're anything like me," Carolyn said as her daughters laughed.

"Mer," Maggie said, "that's also the only time Jenna doesn't cry. She's competitive as hell, and has also been known to try every trick in the book to rattle the opponent."

"Stop picking on me," Jenna told her, "I have enough with this kick boxer," she smiled as she gently rubbed her belly.

"Mommy," Meghan ran over to her and put her hands on her stomach, "my baby sister's kicking…"

"Yes, she is," Jenna smiled as she softly ran her hand through her daughter's hair, "by the way Mom, did you remember Grace and Mr. C get back today?"

"This family," Meredith said, "is the only one I've ever been around, that never finishes one subject before starting with another…I have unanswered questions…" she paused and looked at Derek and made light of it, "I guess, it's because I've never been around family…for very long."

"You're stuck with us now," Nancy walked over to sit next to her and Derek, "Derek, tell her about Mr. C."

"Wait," Patricia said, "I have to finish my recruitment. So, here goes, team one: Mike, Rob, Kathleen…"

"Wait," Derek laughed, "you said recruitment, you can't just decide who will be on each team."

"Derek," Jenna laughed, "you've been away way too long…she's been doing this for over a year."

"And you let her…" he said.

"It's better that she referee," Nancy laughed, "then to have her pitch or bat, we lost three windows last summer…and Mr. C wanted to kill her…"

"She can do no wrong in his eyes, ever since she became a nun," Kathleen said. "Except when she keeps breaking windows. Finally, Grace, his wife," she added for Meredith's benefit, "told him to stop bitching and fix the windows, since he'd already willed the property to the Shepherd –O'Reilly kids combined, for posterity."

"Who are Mr. C and Grace?" Meredith asked.

Derek explained, "Charles Anderson, was a very grouchy old man when we were kids, our neighbor next door."

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn reprimanded, "that is no way to speak about Charles, he was very kind to us after your father passed away and you know what he means to …"

"Mom," Derek said, "you didn't let me finish the story. Meredith, after Dad died, he changed completely…all we knew when he moved in was that he was a grouchy bitter old man."

"He wasn't that old," Patricia interrupted. "He was about forty five. I may as well stay for this. Make sure you tell the right story and I'm not further maligned."

"Maligned," her nieces laughed. "Not dramatic at all," Maggie said.

"We didn't know," Derek said, "that when he came back from Vietnam he found out his wife had left him and had a child with another man and he was a very bitter man."

"Wait, I thought there was no Mrs. Anderson." Meredith said.

"Thanks to Aunt Pat's group for widows and widowers," Maggie told her, "she organized it while our Uncle was still alive, he met Grace, who's just lovely…they've been married close to twenty five years."

"He willed the property to the kids, but what about his wife, shouldn't she get it?" Meredith asked.

"He'd willed it to the kids about five years after my husband died," Carolyn said, "and when they got married Grace told him he should not change it."

"That's incredibly generous," Meredith said.

"It was," Carolyn said, "he became a surrogate uncle or grandfather of sorts to my kids, taking Derek fishing and to games, especially baseball, hence our small baseball field."

"What baseball field," Meredith said, "wait…Derek, that's what you meant…when we walked by his house…on the other side the open field that looked like a small park?"

"That's it, I told you it was our baseball field…"

"I thought you meant you played there," Meredith told him, "not that it was yours…you see…all of you…either ramble on or don't tell the whole story…"

"Ramble on sweetheart," Patricia chuckled, "I've heard…you are the prize winner for rambling…even made it contagious. When Kathleen and Carolyn have come back from seeing you…they rambled on for days…"

"That," Jenna said, "Aunt Pat…is not nice…at all…"

"You're right," Patricia said, "I forgot you can ramble like the best of them," and hugged her niece.

"That's not what I meant," Jenna could not help but laugh.

"I know," Patricia said, "but Meredith knows she's being treated like one more of my nieces…so anything goes," she said and walked over to her and kissed her cheek, "right?"

"Yes," Meredith agreed. "Even if she won't fess up to who's having the sixth grandchild," she winked at her.

"What are you talking about?" Derek asked.

"Apparently," Meredith smiled at Pat, "I should have held out for Aunt Margaret…"

"You disrespectful chit," Patricia laughed, "I should have known better than to trust one of Ailene's daughters," and gently squeezed Meredith's hand and nodded, giving her an ok to talk.

"Instead, you have a cheating…skydiving, widowed photographer," Meredith joked, "and director who happens to be a psychic nun."

"You missed actress and school principal," Patricia joked. "Not just any nun…and neighbor…"

"Neighbor?" Meredith asked.

"She still owns the house behind us," Maggie explained, "in fact, Mer…a lot of Catholic nuns or sisters, which I guess is more appropriate to Aunt Pat, don't necessarily live in a community house or convent but have their own places to live."

"But," Meredith said, "you went back last night…"

"I sleep there during the week most of the time," Pat said, "weekends I spend at home, since there are always kids or grandkids around."

"I had no idea…" Meredith said, "I though all nuns lived in convents…"

"That used to be true, but there's so few now, compared to forty years ago…" Pat started to say.

"Aunt Pat," Maggie said, "we've heard this…you can educate Meredith about nuns on her next trip."

"Or the next," Jenna said, "I expect she's going to be busy the next time…and the one after that."

"Jenna," Nancy laughed, "are you trying to say…it's boring…to hear about this…"

"Aunt Pat," Jenna giggled, "see…she's the troublemaker."

"Honey," Pat said, "I've known that since she snuck away the first time with Sloan."

"Holy Mother of Mercy," Carolyn said, "Patricia…little pitchers," she said as Meredith buried her face in Derek's neck to hide her laughter before she felt a gentle tug to the ear.

"Don't you worry," Patricia said, "I'll have your ear," Meredith's shoulder's shook with laughter, "we have about twenty good years to catch up."

Meredith turned to her, eyes filled with tears of laughter, "I'm counting on it," and quietly, "the kids have to enjoy their great aunt…for many years to come."

"I like her Derek…make sure you keep her happy."

"He does," Meredith smiled at him, and hugged him. "All the time."

"That's not what I heard," Pat teased her, "when I walked in, I distinctly remember you said you were glad he was not here…"

"You," Meredith laughed, "are also a troublemaker…must run in the Maloney family."

"I told you it did," Carolyn said.

"So you did," Meredith answered, "and you were right."

"You were glad I'm gone," Derek said.

"We were talking about s-e-x," she turned to him, "your mother and sisters."

"Mommy," Meghan said, "what's s-e-x?"

"It's candy," Maggie said without thinking.

"You didn't," Nancy and Kathleen started to laugh.

"What…" Maggie said defensively, "would you have said?"

"A game?" Kathleen laughed.

"Sweetie," Carolyn said, "that's a word that means many things, but it's only for grown ups to use."

"Cause they gots to be on time out, like Daddy…cause that's what Mommy says when Daddy kisses her…and then…"

"Mom," Jenna said, "just don't ever tell her it's a s-i-n,"

"Unless you you're not married," Pat said, "I'm not changing my mind about that."

"At least," Nancy laughed, "you didn't make it a mortal one, even though Father Dennison did."

"Hogwash," Patricia said, "he's barely made it a venial one."

"Mer," Nancy laughed, "don't worry, you can ask her about those s-i-n-s in the next twenty years or so…"

"Maggie, you talk about me," Derek looked at his sister, "needing kid lessons," and then roared with laughter. "Mer," he hugged her, "I think we're better off taking lessons from the Mulligans."

"I think you're right," Meredith laughed.

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "Cristina said I should ask you about Kelly, remind me later, it had something to do with pajamas, maybe we should discuss it tonight," she said as she glanced over to Meghan who was listening with interest at the adult conversation.

"If I can finish the team lineup," Patricia said, "without being interrupted, so I can be present in the cafeteria during lunch…"

"Isn't it early for lunch?" Meredith asked. "You said you're about fifteen minutes away."

"By the time she finishes with her _ramble_," Carolyn emphasized "it could be noon time."

"You're lucky," Pat said, "you're off the hook helping out this week," she said, referring to what Meredith would learn later was the almost daily volunteer work Carolyn put in at the school, which also gave her time to spend with he grandchildren every day.

"Let's hear the lineup," Kathleen said. "I'm not playing, just got my nails done yesterday morning."

Ignoring her completely, Pat rattled off, "spectators are Meghan, Katie, Jenna, Alice, Emma; pitcher Michael; catcher Tom; team 1 has Kathleen, Mike, Maggie…"

"Aunt Pat, I'm not playing," Kathleen argued.

"Get your nails done again," her aunt dismissed the argument, "Rob, Derek, JC, Logan, Jennifer and Amanda; team 2…"

"Wait, I'm not playing against Mer," Derek said.

"Derek," Carolyn said, "where have you been the last ten years…husbands and wives never play on the same team, you know that."

"But, Ma…"

"But Ma, nothing, is she a better player than you are?" Carolyn asked him.

"I have no idea," Derek laughed, "Mer…are you?"

"Depends," she teased him, "what kind of game we're playing."

"Meredith," Nancy joked, "don't make us take back the accolades, that you have more common sense around kids."

"Sports game," Meredith chuckled, "I may be better at touch football."

"Touché," Maggie laughed, "you're definitely one of Mom's daughters."

Derek put his arms around her, "silent touching," he whispered.

"Not up to the challenge," she teased him.

"Want to join me," he said, and delighted in hearing her laughter in response, "in ten minutes…in the shower…"

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "you're stuck with us through lunch time, don't even consider…nap time…"

"No nap time," Meghan said with perfect timing, "Mommy…no nap for me…"

"No sweetie," her mother said, "Aunt Kat's just joking around. We're all going to have naps this afternoon."

"And that's why," Meredith said as she smiled at Kathleen, "Jenna is my favorite sister in law," and Kathleen smiled back as she knew they both were remembering a similar conversation in Seattle.

"So," Derek raised one eyebrow suggestively, "is it nap time yet?"

"Uncle D, it too soon for naptime…naps only after lunch."

"I see," Derek smiled and reached for the little girl, "after lunch you get to nap with your bear, and I get to nap with Aunty M."

"Me not think so," Meghan settled in his lap, "I nap with Mister Bear and Aunty M…"

"Busted," Kathleen laughed. "Smart aleck."

"Oh shut …" he stopped as he saw Meghan's eyes widen.

"Shut that window shade behind you," he said, as his sisters laughed.

"Uncle D," Meghan reached up to touch his cheek, "I not like your face scratching."

"I have to shave," Derek smiled. "I was lazy this morning."

"Cause you forgot," Meghan said.

"Yeah," he opted to agree with her.

"Ok," Patricia said, "I have to go tend to my duties. See you all later this afternoon. Carolyn, do you need me to bring anything on the way back?"

"Thanks Pat," Carolyn told her sister, as she got ready to leave, "I think we're ok with everything we need for tonight."

"Aunty Pat," Meghan said, "can I go with you?"

"You want to go to school? It's late sweetie."

"I can have lunch with you…and no grown up talking…" the little girl said, obviously spending the day with her mother not as exciting as it had sounded, "and no nap."

"You can go with Aunty Pat," Jenna said, "but you still have to take a nap, just like you do at home and pre-school."

"I take nap at school," the little girl pondered the idea.

"Yes," Jenna told her, "you know that's the rule. A nap every afternoon."

"I nap with you…" the little girl asked, "and my baby sister?"

"Yes," Jenna smiled at her, "Mommy and your baby sister need to nap and I'd love to have my little girl stay with me."

"Uncle D," she said, "I go to my Mommy," she said and he put her down.

"Mommy," Meghan said when she reached her and Maggie lifted her to sit on the table facing her mother. "I love you…I nap with you."

"I love you too Meggie," Jenna said as the little girl leaned forward to touch her mother's forehead. "You're my precious little girl."

"Cause my baby sister, she be a baby and Katie is a big girl."

"That's right…" Jenna kissed her check tenderly, "Mommy and Daddy are going to have three precious girls…a baby…a little girl and a big girl."

"No baby boys Mommy…"

"No baby boys," Jenna agreed, and missed when Pat met Meredith's gaze and smiled.

The rest of the morning went by quickly as Carolyn enjoyed the light hearted banter and friendly teasing between her children; while at some point, it was decided, against her will, that dinner that night would be very informal and called for pizza. However, she had seemingly conceded when Derek convinced her it was Meredith's absolute favorite meal, as long as there was dessert to go along with it, and Carolyn agreed, and with the help of her daughters began to prepare lunch with last evening's leftovers.

"Ma," Derek questioned when they had finished lunch, and were sitting around the kitchen eating dessert and he saw Carolyn take four pans of lasagna out of the refrigerator and preheat both ovens, "what are you doing?"

"Preheating the oven," she answered simply.

"I can see that, but you have four pans of lasagna."

"They need to be baked Derek," Carolyn said, "of course I know that."

"But we agreed," he said, and his sisters watched with amusement as Meredith followed the exchange between mother and son. "To keep it simple, just order pizza."

"Dear," Carolyn said, "you all agreed, I didn't."

"Ma…" Derek protested, "we don't want you to work, I just want you to enjoy tonight."

"The work is already done Derek, putting this in the oven is the easy part. I even have twelve Cornish hens, ready to cook … a healthy option," she smiled, "for you."

"Mom," Derek said as he remembered past and similar conversations as his sisters attempted, and failed to dictate what their mother should or shouldn't do. "Why did you let me go on, pretending you agreed?"

"Why argue? We weren't going to change each other's mind, and the kids will like having pizza."

"Mom," Nancy laughed, "with that amount of food, and your lasagna, forget pizza."

"I know that dear," Carolyn smiled at her daughter, "it would be horribly sinful to waste so much food, wouldn't it?"

"Derek," Kathleen said, "she's been preparing for your visit for months."

"It's not often," Carolyn said, attempting not to be emotional, "my son and my new daughter spend time with the family."

Meredith got up and walked to Carolyn's side and hugged her, "Mom, thank you…we appreciate everything you've done."

Carolyn hugged her back and whispered, "you brought my son back…nothing's enough for that occasion…and you…meeting the rest of your family."

"I love you Carolyn," Meredith said, and they both wiped away tears, and spoke very quietly, "even when I allowed myself to dream…I never ever imagined I'd ever deserved a Mom…like you," oblivious to the similar sentimental reaction of the rest of the family until they heard Meghan's voice.

"Mommy," Meghan held her mother's face in her little hands, "cause why are you cwying?"

"Happy crying Meggie," Jenna hugged her daughter.

"Granma happy cwying…and Aunty M…and aunt Kat…and…"

"Yes, Meggie," Maggie responded, "all happy crying…because we're all happy that Uncle Derek and Aunty M are here…our family is all here…"

"Not Allie and Laura," the little girl said, "cause they at school…"

"That's right," Nancy said, "you're a very smart girl."

"I love you Aunt Nancy," the little girl said, "and Aunty Maggie…and Aunt Kat…"

"Hey," Derek picked her up, "what about me?"

"I already tolds you in the swings Uncle D…I love you," she said and put her little arms around his neck and hugged him.

"I love you too Meghan," he said, and his gaze met Meredith's as they smiled; each silently communicating their message to the other; it was so good to be home, it was so good to have a family.

"Uncle D," Meghan asked, "we go nap now? You help Mommy get up from the chair cause she gets stuck."

"I get stuck," Jenna said, "how lovely, even my three year old thinks I'm a beached whale."

"Mommy…we go to the beach?"

"Mommy's being silly," Derek glared at Jenna. "It's too cold for the beach."

"Meredith," Maggie joked, "brain cells are working it seems."

"Mary Margaret," Derek said. "What was it you said about me not telling Mom when you and that high school boyfriend…"

"Don't worry dear," Carolyn said, "I know he's bluffing."

"Jerk," Maggie said.

"Oh oh…Aunt Maggie, shush…cause Granma will use soap in your mouth."

"Thank you Meggie," Maggie smiled, "you're right, thank you for reminding me," she said and got up and took her from Derek's arms. "Let's go upstairs, Mommy can follow us when Uncle Derek helps her get unstuck from the chair," she teased her sister.

"Bit…" Jenna looked at Maggie, "sort of rhymes with beach, doesn't it," she said as Derek helped her up. "I'm going to pray a whole rosary before I nap," she said, "so the next six grandkids, wait…Meredith and Derek need some kids," she edited as she went along, "that those three missing kids are yours Mary Margaret," she smiled then, "all boys…"

"Jenna Patricia," Maggie turned to her.

"Fine," Jenna said, "maybe just two…"

Maggie shook her head as she walked out of the kitchen followed by Jenna and when she placed an already half asleep Meghan on her bed she faced her sister.

"Maggie," Jenna said, and pulled on her hand to walk away from the possibility of Meghan overhearing their conversation, "you know I love you."

"Of course I do," Maggie said, "I know you're joking."

"I'm not," Jenna said seriously as she sat on the window seat, "Aunt Pat's never wrong about these things…when she chooses to share them. Would it be so bad…another baby?"

"Jen," Maggie's eyes misted as she looked at her sister. "You…of all people…know how I feel…how I'd have liked that…"

"You haven't tried Jen, for years…you haven't tried."

"Sometimes," Maggie said, "it's better not to hope…and just accept what I have. I know you don't understand …I don't expect you to…but…as much as I love John, or maybe because of that…because I know what it felt like to have nothing but doubts…"

"Maggie," Jenna spoke tenderly, "he loves you…adores you…stop looking back."

"Yeah…" Maggie said, and wiped away a tear. "Hey, enough…ok…right now, we have my niece just about here," she said and placed her hand on Jenna's belly, "and she's ready to have a nap," she smiled.

"You've been sad lately," Jenna insisted, "I know you Maggie, please …will you talk to me… if you need me?"

"Yes," Maggie told her, "I will. I love you Jen, but I don't want you to worry about me. You just need to take care of yourself now…until the baby gets here, no worries."

"Talk to John," Jenna insisted. "Don't let the past get in the way…"

"We've been talking," Maggie told her sister. "We're fine."

Maggie went to her room and washed her face, placed a bit of make up on, concealing any traces of tears as she rejoined her siblings and Carolyn. "Mom, is there anything you need help with?"

"No dear," Carolyn said, concerned over her daughter since the morning conversation she'd overheard between husband and wife in the kitchen. "Maggie is everything ok?"

"Mom…"

"I know you, what's going on?"

"All the baby talk…it's silly…I'm not having more kids."

"Sometimes," Carolyn said softly, "fate has a way of surprising us."

"You think Aunt Pat's serious…don't you?"

"I want my daughter to be happy, that's all I know."

"Mom…please answer me…"

"I think Pat could be right."

"Mom, I'm almost thirty five, it's not the smartest or safest…"

"Maggie, that's not what's going on with you. I'm worried about you," Carolyn said, "will you talk to me?"

"Where are Kathleen and Nancy and…"

"Charles and Grace just pulled up, Derek took Meredith over to meet them; the girls walked over to Alice's so two of the lasagnas can bake in her oven, I don't have enough room here. It's just us Maggie," Carolyn said and led her to the living room.

"I don't know what to do," Maggie said quietly, "I don't know why I feel like I do…Mom…I love John…I do…the mere thought of my life without him," she said almost in a whisper as the tears slid down her cheeks, "I just…I try…and all I can think about…"

"Maggie," Carolyn said, "sweetheart…don't cry, you know…how I hate to see you cry…you're my one baby…that breaks my heart when you cry…because I know…how much you're hurting," she said as she held her daughter and cried along with her.

Carolyn was sitting in the living room, knitting a tiny pink garment when Meredith and Derek walked in and she held a finger to her lips and pointed to Maggie asleep on the couch.

"Go ahead," Carolyn smiled and spoke quietly, "you deserve a nap."

"We can sleep on the way home," Meredith said, "will we wake her?"

"She's a sound sleeper," Carolyn said, "but we can go in the den."

"Mom," Derek said when all three were comfortably settled; Carolyn sitting across from them. "I'm sorry about this morning. I really just took it for granted…that it wouldn't matter if we weren't here tonight."

"It's ok sweetheart, it all worked out. I'm glad you and Jenna spoke…she's overly sentimental without being pregnant," Carolyn said; she could make some things easier for Meredith during their visit, but others were impossible to ignore, such as Jenna's pregnancy.

Derek put his arm around Meredith's shoulders drawing her closer, kissing her temple. "I invited Charles and Grace to join us for dinner tonight, they're going to stop by briefly as they told me they are jet lagged and don't think they'll make it that long…I can't believe they're still traveling everywhere…they just got back from Vietnam…he told me it took an emotional toll on him…but that he'd be there at the game, that it'd do him good to see the kids."

"We were lucky Derek, " Carolyn said, "after Dad died…that he really changed so drastically and looked after all of you, and then Grace has been a tremendous support with all the grandkids as well."

"He told me," Meredith told her, "he'd merely existed, just waiting to die, and then he felt as though he'd been given a new responsibility in life…the most important one in his life to care for your kids."

"He was a lifesaver," Carolyn reflected. "When I had the car accident…other than Father Dennison…he's the only one that knew what happened…he recognized the depth of my despair though he never said anything, not for several weeks and suddenly he was everywhere, helping with groceries, taking the kids to games, Derek fishing, and then I broke down one day and he became the best friend anyone could ever want, and he became Mr. C, but to the grandkids he was Uncle Charles…then one of the little ones," she smiled at Meredith, "as only my grandchildren seem to be able to do, Michael actually, observed that he was older than Grandma so he should be a Granpda."

"He's been Grandpa Charles ever since," Derek finished. "Mom told us Dad would be proud to have such an honorable man looking after his family."

Meredith sniffled, "you were all very lucky…to have someone that cared so much in your lives," she said, and Derek and Carolyn knew instinctively she was talking about the lack of the same in hers.

"It happens sometimes," Carolyn met Meredith's gaze, "just when we think…when we have all but given up, God has a way of taking care of us, in the most unexpected ways…like you…Meredith…you came into Derek's life and as he said, he was drowning and you saved him…"

"He literally saved me," her gaze never wavered, and as she felt his arms tighten around her she continued, "and then," she wiped away a tear, "I think… God wanted me to know he hadn't forgotten me…Kathleen made me believe He answered my prayers…all the forgotten ones…for a family…and then," she held Derek's hand and squeezed tenderly. "He sent us an angel…to always remind me…us…to show me…a glimpse of the promise of dreams to come…a dream," she looked away from Carolyn and gently caressed Derek's cheek, "to share with the love of my life," and kissed his lips softly, "my soul mate," and then met her gaze again, "and with our Mom...and sister…"

Carolyn took a deep breath and got up from her chair and sat next to Meredith. "I am not, an overly sentimental woman. But," she took Meredith's hand in hers, "you bring out the mushy sentimental one…since those first emails…and I'm so very grateful that God wanted you in our lives…and I'm so proud to call you my daughter."

Meredith's voice was hoarse as she sniffled back tears, "I love you Mom."

"I love you too sweetheart," she hugged Meredith, and then turned to Derek. "Your father would be so proud of you…so proud," she said as Derek embraced her, and in that moment all three experienced the same emotions, among them the certainty that one day, they would find themselves in the very same spot, surrounded by the laughter of children; Meredith and Derek's children, as the glimpse provided in a cherished and promised dream would became a treasured reality.

_A/N 29DEC – As I began to write about their family, the first visit since Derek's been in Seattle, and so much has happened between Meredith and Derek, I've gone along with the flow, allowed the characters to speak. Likewise, it did not seem realistic that all five Shepherd children have perfect lives or marriages, hence the hints at Maggie's life. You will see a bit more revealed in the next part, but, the scene in my mind when we find out what's going on with her, happens in Seattle, a conversation between Meredith and Maggie._

_Hope you don't mind that I deviated just a bit from Meredith and Derek, Maggie's story is actually something I may write, totally independent of Grey's fan fiction._

_Thank you again to all of you that have read to this point. The other part is written, just going back to edit once I post this. Appreciate your comments. Please let me know what you think. The next chapter really is the last one of their visit with the family._


	202. Chapter 202

_A/N 3JAN - No matter how long this became in the edit stages, I was not going to subject you to another part! This is the longest chapter in this story. You may have noted in this chapter, I made Emma, Kathleen's youngest, it suited what I wanted to convey, have to go back and edit other chapters. Hope you like the conclusion to their family visit. Thank you for reading and very special thanks to each of you that commented on the last chapter for your very encouraging and enthusiastic interest in this very long story._

_**Ch 190 – Promised Dreams – Part 5 **_

Meredith now understood the magnitude of Derek's revelations about his father, about his need, after being silent so long, to have a conversation with him on their way to Venice; appreciating the deep void the man had left with this death as mother and son shared fond and heartwarming memoires of Irish with her.

"It's unusually quiet here," they heard Nancy's voice, and Meredith followed the voice to the kitchen, leaving Derek alone with Carolyn, but before walking away she kissed them both; a tender kiss on the cheek for her; a light brush of his lips with hers.

"Kat," Meredith could make out Nancy's quiet voice as she neared the kitchen, "you really think Meredith's ok? She's amazed me, how strong she is. I think I'd have been a mess…in the same circumstances…Kathleen, can you imagine, none of us have gone through that and if we had, at least we'd have each other. She told me it had helped a lot that you were there," she spoke unaware of her sister's own miscarriage years before; "and I've tried, but I don't know how else to keep changing topics, away from the baby and kids…"

"You don't have to," Meredith said, surprising them and joining them at the kitchen table. "I'm ok…really…Derek and I…we talked, because yesterday and last night were rough, but we're ok…thank you, both of you for caring."

"You can talk to us," Nancy said, "either of us…though I know you'll probably be more comfortable with Kathleen or Mom," she smiled, "and that's ok…just remember what I said."

"I'm going to take you up on it," she said, "Kat's put up enough with me…and Derek," she laughed, "she even told me we were exhausting and she'd prefer a house full of teenagers than to deal with Derek and me."

"Totally out of context," Kathleen said.

"I know," Meredith said and in a most unusual show of affection, which seemed to be happening a lot lately, rested her head on Kathleen's shoulder, "I got the better deal, you told me…I had a big sister for life."

"You do," Kathleen smiled, and hugged her in a motherly gesture, "don't ever forget it."

"Nancy," Meredith said, "Kathleen already knows…has seen and heard the worst of me…and somehow…she didn't care. I hope you know how much it means to me that you were willing to give me, our relationship, a second chance."

"Meredith," Nancy said, "we're beyond that. We agreed."

"Yes," Meredith said, "we did."

"Meredith," Nancy said with deep sincerity, "I'm the one that's grateful for that second chance. I was really out of line in Seattle."

"I can understand, now that I've met all of you," Meredith commented, "how this family cares for each other, that you were only concerned for Derek. Not every sister would fly across the country, practically overnight because he missed the holidays…it's about family…I'm getting it."

They continued to talk quietly, Meredith filling them in on Maggie being asleep and meeting the Andersons.

"Mr. Anderson soon became Mr. C for us, all seventeen of us," Kathleen said fondly, "but then, he became Grandpa for the kids. We were not happy at first, but Mom…she said Dad would be proud…"

"They are lovely, he and Grace…they insisted I use their first names," Meredith told them. "But why seventeen kids, oh wait, you're including Pat and Alice's kids."

"Yes," Nancy said. "I think he was really a great friend to Mom when she needed it most, you know, since both had gone through a traumatic loss of their spouses, very different of course, but they were both lonely and he looked after us all, especially," she went on, "that for a while Tom, who by the way was also a Navy commander, was traveling a lot, so Charles was the only male figure around. Well, not literally since there were aunts and uncles, but he was right next door...and that's when the idea of the baseball games started…and…I wondered sometimes," she revealed something new to her sister, "if the two of them could have been a couple…"

"Nance," Kathleen said, less surprised at the context of the comment, than the delivery, as she'd often thought the same way. "Did you just hear yourself? Meredith, she rambled…like the best of us," and the three women laughed, and made their way to the swing on the back porch.

"Didn't Kevin say it was contagious, being around Meredith?" Nancy joked. "Though I thought it was only when one visits Seattle."

"You'll have to find out," Meredith told her, "when you visit us again…if it's as bad here as it is there," and with that, the two women who'd had a very bad first encounter, further accepted the other as part of their future.

"Before Nancy's ramble," Kathleen joked, "I'd have said it would be worse in Seattle, especially with Lexie and Meredith together, but now…I'm not so sure, since all of us I think have managed some pretty impressive rambles…including Aunt Pat."

"Kathleen," Meredith giggled, "maybe…it's a sign of another condition. You remember, that Kevin said you rambled when you were pregnant."

"Meredith," Nancy told her, "I believe you're as bad a troublemaker as any of the Maloney women," and they all laughed again.

"I'm only saying…" Meredith teased, "that Aunt Pat's certain any one of us…well you know…that the five of us could be contributing to those twenty one grandkids."

"Oh God," Nancy said, "Kat…can you imagine a sixth child now?"

"No," Kathleen said with certainty, "because I know I'm not having one."

"Neither am I," Nancy told her and then said, "but, just in case I'm going to sweet talk," she laughed, "rather sex…talk Mike into a vasectomy," she said and again the three of them laughed.

"Nancy," Kathleen asked later, "were you serious…I mean about Mom and Charles, you've never said that before…and I've thought it too…just never said it."

"Yeah," Nancy said, "I did…but I was glad it hadn't happened. Which is probably very selfish, but it was comforting that Mom had never considered being with another man but Daddy," she said using the childhood name that symbolized the years of innocence of their childhood.

Nancy's openness made Meredith feel very at ease with both of Derek's older sisters, and as the early afternoon progressed, they shared several other anecdotes as their frequent laughter echoed the sounds of healing and bonding.

"What are you laughing about," Maggie said as she joined them, the remaining grogginess of an afternoon nap evident in her features.

"Kelly," Kathleen said, "one of Derek's patients, has them wrapped around her little finger," she offered as way of explanation, respecting Meredith's wishes that nothing be mentioned of her miscarriage. "Meredith was telling us why Derek made the comment about learning about kids from the Mulligans, rather than from us. She also met Charles and Grace."

"They are lovely, part of the family," Maggie smiled. "I gather they're joining us."

"For a bit only," Meredith told her, "the flight back from Bangkok was fifteen hours to Los Angeles, and then another five to New York. But they said they wouldn't miss a family game for anything."

"Did you tell Meredith," Maggie asked, "how close we are to them?"

"Yes," Meredith said. "It's really incredible, how generous he is. It's not everyday someone wills their property…as he has."

"He always said," Kathleen commented, "the best day of his life was the day he moved in next door, even though he didn't know it at the time, but that he finally had a family. Daddy," Kathleen said, just as Nancy had earlier, "would have liked him. They're both honorable men."

"We're closer to them," Maggie said smiling, "than some of our aunts and uncles, and of course Grace became Nana Grace to the grandkids."

Derek joined them a while later, and sat next to Maggie and Nancy, "we've hardly talked since I've been here," he said to Maggie, "we've talked more on the phone. I can't get over how tall the boys are…seems as though they've grown a foot each."

"I was so surprised," Meredith said, "they look so much alike, I mean, there's photos, but seeing them here, they look as though they could be twins."

"Believe me," Maggie said, "it felt like I had twins when they were little," and she paused and smiled. "I wish double strollers had been as popular and inexpensive back then," she laughed. "But, we'd already had John…and for Jason I used Jennifer's stroller, thank God Nancy had opted for a very neutral practical color."

"Maggie," Meredith asked, in some way, wanting to assure Kathleen, Nancy and Derek that she was able to handle talking about kids and babies. "How far apart are the boys? They really do look like twins."

"Jason is actually a couple of inches taller than JC," Maggie smiled, "John Christopher became JC, after he'd come running to me whenever I said John. Their birthdays are five days apart…not quite a year between them."

"As in before he turned a year?" Meredith asked.

"They couldn't keep their hands off each other," Nancy said, "and she didn't think to ask me about birth control…unbelievably going along with the old wives tales that if you are breast feeding you can't get pregnant."

"God," Maggie said, "I felt like I breast fed for two entire years…but poor Jason got the short end of the stick. I only breast fed him four months, and stopped when I went back to school."

"You were in school when you had them?" Meredith asked, "but wait they're a year apart…and you said two years."

"I'm exaggerating," Maggie laughed, "it felt like I was feeding two kids at the same time, JC drank milk like a little pig, and I literally went into labor while breastfeeding him."

"You breast fed him till he was almost a year old," Meredith exclaimed in what could be interpreted as shock or horror, "and you were in labor…with a second one."

"Enough breast feeding and labor stories," Nancy said hoping to change the subject without being too abrupt. "Your stories are enough to make anyone reconsider having kids."

"You're not being very encouraging," Meredith giggled, "is she Kathleen?"

"The minute they place the baby in your arms," Maggie smiled at her, "you forget absolutely everything…and there begins the most beautiful of love stories," she told her. "Trust me, there's nothing like it in the world."

"I'm going to believe you," Meredith said as she smiled at Derek, "for when the time's right for us. But, if you're wrong," she said to Maggie, "we're sending you the kids every summer," and the five of them laughed at Meredith's use of Maggie's threat to send her kids to them.

"First you get mine," Maggie laughed, "though maybe I should wait to send the teenagers too, or they may decide they don't want any kids at all."

"Hey," Nancy said, "you're talking about my godson."

"And mine," Kathleen said, "and they are both really great teenagers."

"They really are," Maggie smiled, "my babies," she momentarily became lost in thoughts of them as infants, "that now tower over me."

"Girls," Carolyn called out from the kitchen door, "who's going to volunteer to wake up Jenna? They've been asleep well over two hours, and we'll never get Meghan to sleep tonight if she sleeps any longer."

"Why do you need a volunteer?" Meredith asked.

"Sweetheart," Carolyn laughed, "because Jenna loves to sleep and hates to be awakened."

"Mom," Maggie laughed, "I think the exception to that is Rob…waking her."

"Well," Carolyn laughed, "that may be true, but he's not here…" she winked at Meredith, "and it's not morning, as she's made her preference well known."

"Carolyn," Meredith laughed, "you're incorrigible as well."

"She's right Meredith," Nancy joked, "Rob's the only one bearing gifts of sex."

"You had to go there," Derek said and laughed. "Come on Mer…we have time for some sex of our own," he said and pulled her from the bench across from him and into his lap.

"Show off," Kathleen said, "but, just all talk…"

"All talk," Meredith roared laughing.

"We didn't need earplugs last night," Maggie laughed, "and Mark has warned us…"

Meredith smiled as their eyes met and she leaned in to kiss him, "we did good," she whispered upon his lips.

"We did," he chuckled and brushed her lips.

"No secrets," Kathleen said and smiled, "I'm speaking for Jenna."

"By the way," Nancy said, "Meredith, we …I'm speaking for the sisters, except this one," she pointed to Kathleen, "she took a million photos at the wedding. But, we want one of the ones the wedding planner sent you from Venice, with the whole family and one of you and Derek, I loved the ones you gave Kathleen and Mom."

"I can send those," Meredith said, surprised at the request.

"We have photos from all our weddings, so yes, we want them," Maggie said. "We'll get the frames…don't worry about that."

"Actually," Derek said, as he caressed her thigh, "Meredith bought frames for you."

"I wasn't sure," Meredith said, "before…if you'd want them, so I didn't send them…but I have them…I'll send them when we get home."

Maggie turned to Nancy, "I told you…she wouldn't mind if we asked."

"Kathleen," Carolyn said, "Alice is not home, please go check on the lasagna."

"Shit," Kathleen said, "I forgot."

"Good thing," Nancy said, "our tiny watchdogs aren't around, you actually said bitching earlier and Meggie somehow missed it," and they all laughed; knowing as soon the younger granddaughters descended upon them, they'd need to keep the language clean.

"I'll go wake Jenna," Meredith said, "she won't get mad at me. I'll remind her I'm the baby's godmother. Which by the way," she said to Carolyn as she walked past her in the door way, "I want to hear your explanation to Meghan about that."

"I'll let you know," Carolyn laughed, "when I figure it out. Better yet, let's pass it on to Pat, that's her job."

"Thanks," Derek addressed his three sisters when Meredith left, "for making her feel welcome…for accepting her…you have no idea how much that means to me."

"I think we do," Kathleen said. "We have a lot to thank her for as well; she brought our brother home and our family together again."

"You did that Kathleen…you and Mom…and the two of you and Jenna…the day we were married, your messages…and support…I won't ever forget that."

"We're family Derek," Maggie said, "you can't forget that…and …we could have been there…to help you when you left here," there was a slight hint of accusation.

"Girls," Carolyn said, "let's look to the future…leave the past behind us," she said, and Maggie also understood she was reminding her of their earlier conversation.

"Wanna bet on Jenna's reaction?" Nancy said.

"My money's on Meredith," Kathleen said as she got up to walk over to Kevin's parents. "No doubt about it."

"Mom," Nancy said, "I'll help you," giving Derek and Maggie some time together.

"How are you?" Derek asked his sister. "Something's going on with you."

"Yeah," she admitted and rested her head on his shoulder, "but I don't want to talk about it anymore today."

"Huh…that's what the nap was about…sleeping it away," he said.

"Yeah…" she said, "lots of thoughts going on in my mind…"

"How can I help?"

"You already have. Being here…believe it or not…it's making me think a lot…"

"About what," he said, knowing she'd get around to talking to him when she was ready.

"Family…how lucky we are; how lucky we were to have Mom, that there are five of us."

"Uhmmm…." He said, and any brainlessness accusations would be moot now, because, in this case, no words were needed for him to understand that Maggie was thinking about children. "I'm a phone call away Maggie, anytime…just one call, five hours away non-stop, if you need me."

"I've been thinking," she said after a long silence between them, "if you really don't mind…I'd like to visit you…you've found peace in Seattle, I can sense it…even though," she said, "I can tell, you too have something on your mind. But, I won't press you about it either…maybe…it's just something for both of us…to talk about…away from here…at another time."

"Of course I don't mind," Derek said immediately, "you can visit anytime."

"The boys, all three of them, want to go camping," she smiled as she included her husband in that description. "The kids, can't wait to visit Uncle Derek's wilderness, especially after Kev got back, but John and I think it will be better in the spring or summer."

"They can always stay in the trailer. It's heated…and throw some sleeping bags on the floor," Derek told her.

"Mom was threatening to forbid any of the grandchildren to visit, until she was sure there were no bears on the forty acres," Maggie told him.

"I've never seen any," Derek told her.

"Derek…" Maggie said, "I'd have to kill you…if there are bears there…and you send my babies camping amongst them."

"Maggie," Derek reached for her hand, and as they'd had growing up, few words were needed between them, "come visit…sooner rather than later…I think it will be good for both of us."

"After the baptism," she said quietly. "I've been thinking about it…right after the holidays…if you really don't mind."

"I'll expect you…just give us a couple weeks notice, so Meredith and I can coordinate the time off, it shouldn't be any problem."

"Derek," Maggie said, "you could have been here for the shower. You chose not to."

"Yes," he told her.

"Is everything ok?"

"It is now," Derek told her, unwilling to lie to her, though he knew her well enough to know it would affect her to learn what had happened, and she would not be able to keep Jenna from noticing. The two sisters were the closest of the four sisters, and there were few times either one could keep something from the other. "But, like you…I'd prefer not to talk about it…we will…when you visit."

"Ok," she said, as they sat in companionable silence.

"Just one question?" Derek said, and she nodded her consent.

"Are you and John ok?"

"Yes. I think so. Are you and Meredith ok?"

"Yes, we are more than ok."

"I like her a lot," Maggie told him. "I'm happy you found each other."

"So are we," he smiled, and shortly thereafter he reached for her hand and pulled her along with him. "Let's go on the swings," he smiled at her, both remembering the often used carefree escape of childhood, "I'll push."

Meredith, meanwhile, had reached Jenna's slightly ajar bedroom door and heard Meghan's chatter, presumably talking to her mother. But, as she was ready to knock on the door she heard a soft snore and smiled; sneaking her head in she saw that Jenna was sound asleep, or rather snoring as she lay on her side, while Meghan was reading a book to her bear and pony, but the minute she noticed Meredith at the door she smiled and brought her finger to her lips as she pointed to her mother.

Meredith walked over to her and picked her up, along with the book and bear and pony and went to the window seat, and held the little girl on her lap. "Did you nap?" she spoke very quietly.

"I nap with Big Bear and baby pony," she whispered back, "Mommy still sleeping…but baby sister is not sleeping no more."

Meredith smiled at her, "how do you know that?"

"Cause I was sleeping …and my face was close to Mommy's tummy…and my baby sister kicked me and I waked up."

"You didn't go back to sleep?"

"No…cause Big Bear and baby pony waked up and they wanted to hear a story."

"You were reading them a story," Meredith said and waited for her to continue.

"Yep…Cinderella…but I no read the story…cause I little Aunty M, I tolds them the story."

"Ah…you want to tell me your favorite part of the story," she said and the little girl shifted in her arms holding the book in her lap. Meredith smiled, and allowed herself to think of the day when she too could be having a similar conversation with her daughter

"I love how they got mawwied and she goes to the ball…" Meghan said with excitement, forgetting about keeping her voice down, and Meredith noticed Jenna was no longer asleep.

"I'm not sure I remember the story…it's been a long time since I was a little girl," Meredith prompted her, "but is there a mouse in the story?"

"Yes…" Meghan told her, "the mouses help her," Meredith smiled at the mention of mouses rather than mice, and imagined her own kids would likely say the same at three years old.

"And what else do you like about the story?"

"When the mean sisters ripped her dress…"

"You liked that?" Meredith asked, unsure how to respond or interpret Meghan's comment.

"Yes," Meghan smiled, "cause the fairy godmother camed and helped her…and she gots to go to the ball…and see the prince and they got mawwied…"

"They sent you to wake me up," Jenna said as she lay back on the bed.

"Mommy," Meghan said, "you waked up, I telling Aunty M a story."

"I heard you," Jenna said.

"Do you need help getting up?" Meredith asked her.

"I'm ok," Jenna laughed, "not quite beached yet…give it another week."

"Mommy," Meghan said, "my baby sister kicked me and waked me up."

"Did she?" Jenna said as she turned on her side and very clumsily got up.

"Yep…and she waked up Big Bear and baby pony."

Jenna went in the bathroom and joined them on the window seat a few minutes later as Meghan continued her interpretation of Cinderella. "Do you know if she'd been up long?"

"She'd just opened the book when I peeked in, so I guess that could mean it was just starting or it was starting over." Meredith told her.

"You won't need as many kid lessons as Derek," Jenna smiled.

"Hi Mommy," Meghan smiled at her and kneeled on the seat to reach her mother and kiss her. "We gets to play baseball…"

"No," Jenna kissed her back and hugged her, "we get to watch…remember you have to be nine to play on the team…"

"No fair Mommy," Meghan pouted.

"You get to keep me company…and Katie…and Emma, isn't that better than running around and getting all sweaty and dirty…"

"Cause I a princess?"

"Yes," Jenna smiled as the little girl pressed her cheeks together, "you're Mommy and Daddy's princess."

"I your princess Aunty M?"

"Of course you are," Meredith said, after a brief pause when she looked at Jenna, and she nodded.

"I love you Aunty M..."

"I love you too sweetie," Meredith said as the felt the little girls arms around her neck.

"Do you gots a baby in your tummy?"

Jenna had looked out the window and was distracted as she saw Derek and Maggie walk over to the swings, and missed the barely audible intake of breath.

"No sweetie," Meredith said.

"Cause why?"

"Because," Meredith said, her pause long enough for Jenna to take notice, "Uncle Derek and I just got married, so it's too soon for us to have a baby."

"Cause why?"

"Meggie," Jenna said, "remember what Mommy told you, it's not polite to ask ladies if they have babies in their tummies."

"But she's my Aunty M…"

"Yes, but I told you, we only talk about babies in Mommy's tummy."

"Cause the baby got there cause Daddy kissed you."

"No," Jenna said, "because Mommy and Daddy love each other."

"Ok," Meghan said, "Mommy I gots to go to the bathroom."

"Should I help her?" Meredith asked.

"Do you mind," Jenna said, "it's not as easy for me anymore."

Jenna heard the constant chatter of her three year old and Meredith's giggles as Meghan explained the need to wash their hands and how that's why she had the step stool, "and we sing Happy Birthday two times, to wash our hands real good." The little girl than told her mother she was going to go put her friends to sleep in Granma's bed and she wanted to go downstairs for a snack.

"You got a couple kid lessons in there," Jenna laughed. "She was with me at the grocery store several weeks ago, and I died of embarrassment when she asked the cashier if she had a baby in her tummy."

"She didn't," Meredith laughed.

"She was a really good sport, and told her no that she was drinking too many sodas, so I had a talk with her after that, but as you can see…it didn't work."

"She's very precious and adorable, she reminds me of Kelly, one of Derek's patients," Meredith said.

"I remember Mom talking about her when she came back from Seattle, how he'd operated on her before your wedding trip and she'd become very attached to you both.

So," Jenna smiled, as she instinctively rubbed her belly, "those are the Mulligans you're taking lessons from?"

"I think," Meredith said, "we'll need plenty of those from all of you too."

"We keep trying," Jenna went back to the original conversation. "Not to equate kissing with babies, but some kids in her class hear that from their parents. Can you imagine?"

"No," Meredith said horrified at the thought. "We'd have hundreds…"

"Exactly," Jenna said and Meredith followed her gaze toward the backyard.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I don't mean to pry…but she seems sad at times."

"So do you," Jenna said, "you get very quiet…pensive at times."

"I'm not…" Meredith denied, "just that…being with family…it's all new to me."

"You're not prying…we're family…we can ask things," she said, but was interrupted from saying anything else when Meghan ran in the room.

"I ready Mommy, I hungry," and pulled on her mother's hand to get up.

"Cowards," Jenna said as she walked in the kitchen where Derek and Maggie had now joined the others. "You sent her to wake me up."

"She volunteered," Nancy told her, "said you wouldn't get mad at her."

"Something about being the baby's godmother," Maggie said.

Jenna reached for Meredith's hand and placed it on her belly, "she was right, she calls the godmother card, and I wouldn't get mad," she smiled at her daughter's gentle rolls, "she has a good effect on her…always calms her," she said as Meredith looked at Derek and they exchanged a private and understanding moment.

Hours later, Meredith was up at bat, score tied, one out, bases loaded; she had two strikes.

"Come on Mer," Jenna yelled from the bleachers, "think of the most brainless thing he's ever done."

Meredith looked over at Jenna and laughed, then concentrated on the ball, and had one thought, Rose…and the ball met the bat and kept going and going, and she had a home run, and the game was up four runs, and she was met with hugs and cheering from her entire team.

"Shep," Mike, called out to him, "whatever she was thinking," he walked over to him,

"you must have fucked up bad…"

"There's been quite a few times," Derek admitted.

"Hey," Mike said, "I was joking around."

"I'm not," Derek said, and did not expect for Meredith to come running over to him.

"Did you see that," she asked filled with excitement, "my first home run…ever."

"I did," he said and went along with her playfulness, "I want you on my team."

"Derek," she wrapped her arms around his neck, "I'm always on your team."

"Knock it off you two." Nancy called to her, "Meredith, he's on the opposite team."

"Aunt Meredith…stop kissing him…he's on the wrong team," Rebecca, Nancy's nine year old, yelled.

"I love you," she said, "let me go back to the game."

"Mer," he couldn't help but ask. "What were you thinking of…when Jenna said…"

"I hit a home run," she gave as an answer and ran back to her teammates.

"Meredith," Grace Anderson said as she smiled at her, "you were right, in going to him. His entire face lit up when you ran over there."

"He's…"

"I know," Grace smiled again just as her husband joined her, "your McDreamy."

"You know about that," Meredith said.

"Kathleen told us after her visit," Charles told her, "and we couldn't wait to meet the girl he'd fallen in love with. We have not seen him this happy…I have to say…I've never seen him as happy as he is now."

"I feel the same way," Meredith told the couple, and suddenly, couldn't help but think of Esme and her dying wish.

"You know," Grace told her, almost as if reading her mind, "after Carolyn told us about your very romantic wedding, and showed us the photographs, Charles surprised me with a trip to Venice…and we took a gondola at sunrise…"

"The Bridge of Sighs," Meredith smiled.

Grace smiled. "My hard core military navy commander became an incurable romantic."

"That's what Derek did for me," Meredith said to her, "made me believe in romance."

"Meredith," Derek called out to her, as it was his turn up at bat, "can I have a kiss…for good luck?"

"You better not," her teammates called out to her, which she happily ignored, and went up to her husband as they exchanged their look, and then erupted in laughter as they heard Kathleen's voice.

"Nance, Maggie…Jen," Kathleen called out to them, "remember Mom's mcdreamied story…take a good look."

"There's kids," Meredith said, "do we care?"

"Do you?"

"Uhmmm…" she said as she cupped his face and kissed him hard, but he softened and then deepened the kiss; then he hit a home run, and was first welcomed at home base by his wife's embrace.

"So much for cheering for your team," Amanda, Nancy's ten year old daughter complained.

"They've ruined it," JC, Maggie's fifteen year old lamented.

"Actually," Maggie said as she put her arm around her son's shoulders, "they've made it better…much better," she said as she searched for her husband's gaze and smiled.

Meredith noticed the three youngest cousins talking, Meghan and Katie looked very animated telling a story to Emma, yet Kathleen's youngest put her head down and she saw Meghan lift her cousin's face and talk to her, but Emma was having no part of it, so Meghan ran to Jenna who was one of the few sitting on the four rows of bleachers that were permanently set up in the over three acres of property that belonged to Charles Anderson, and one day would become Shepherd-O'Reilly patrimony.

Then unexpectedly, Meredith had Emma at her side, and looked up at her seriously, "my Mommy loves you," she said with the candor of an eight year old. "But, you don't like me."

Meredith was completely stunned, "Emma, why would you say that?"

"You spent all the time with Katie and Meggie, but not with me," she said with the saddest expression Meredith had seen on any of the Shepherd grandkids.

"Emma," Meredith paused to find the right words to say, and lowered herself to meet the little girl's gaze, "of course I like you…but, sweetie you've been in school all day, and we only had a little time to spend with everyone before you had to go to bed last night, but I promise I like you…I've heard so much about you from your Mommy and Daddy…and your Grandma…and I'd like to spend time with you too," Meredith said, scared to death about what you actually talk about with an eight year old.

"They're not your favorite nieces?" she asked Meredith.

"No sweetie…I have no favorites…"

"That's what Grandma says…" Emma told her.

"And she's right," Meredith told her.

"Meggie says you played with her this morning," Meredith's wheels were turning, when did she play with her? Meghan read her a story not the other way around, "and she and Katie got to cuddle with you and Uncle Derek…that's like favorites."

"Emma," Meredith took her hand and walked with her to the bleachers and sat down, "Meggie's a baby…she thinks she's all grown up, but she's little, and this morning, she woke up and she couldn't find her Mom and Dad and I heard her crying sweetie, so I had to get her and cuddle with her…you wouldn't want her to be upset and alone crying…"

"I love Meggie," Emma told her, "I don't like it when she cries and she's upset…and Katie…cause they cry like aunt Jenna…and that's a lot," she said, and Meredith tried to keep from smiling.

"Maybe it's because your Aunt Jenna's having a baby, and you know when women are pregnant," she hoped this child was as smart a Kathleen said she was, "they tend to be very emotional and sentimental."

"That's what Mommy and Aunty Nancy explained to me, cause of hormones," she said, and Meredith could actually believe she truly understood.

"Yes, that's right."

"Aunt Meredith," she said, "I'm smart…Daddy says I'm very smart, but…I'm still a little girl too…and I like to cuddle."

"Oh sweetie," Meredith said as she hugged her close to her, "even when we're all grown up we like to cuddle."

"That's what Mommy and Daddy say," Emma hugged her tightly, "cause they love each other a lot."

"That's right," Meredith said, as she kissed the top of Emma's head, and thought, boy, was she getting kid lessons in two days.

"Is that why you kiss and cuddle with Uncle Derek…and you're always hugging and touching? Because you love each other so much…like my mom and dad?"

"Yes, we do love each other very much."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma seemed to pause before she spoke, with all the innocence of a much loved eight year old, "I heard Mommy talking to Aunt Nancy when she got back from Seattle…the first time she was there, and she told her she better be nice to you…because Uncle Derek was finally happy…and it was because of you…and just for that reason…she already loved you, but that she also loved how special you are."

"You heard all that," Meredith said, her eyes misting as the little girl nodded. "Well, you know what…when I first met your Mommy, I knew she was very special too…and it made me very happy that she was going to be my friend."

"Mommy said…she was glad you could be friends, and I don't know what Aunt Nancy said, but Mommy told her she better stop being …I'm not supposed to say that word, but Mommy said it…bitchy…and give you a chance…cause she already though of you as her sister."

"Can you keep a secret?" Meredith asked, and the little girl was delighted.

"Oh yes…I can keep secrets…but you have to tell me they're a secret so I know."

"The next time Uncle Derek and I come to visit, what do you say if the two of us spend some special time together?"

"But," Emma thought about it, "Uncle Derek was gone a long time…"

"We're going to be back soon, when your Aunt Jenna's baby is born."

"Meredith," Carolyn called out to her, "you need to get out on the field."

"Aunt Meredith…if I sleep at Grandma's," Emma asked, "can I come cuddle with you and Uncle Derek…before I get old…and I'm still little to cuddle?"

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith caressed her face gently, "you can come cuddle with us anytime."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma smiled at her, "I know why Mommy loves you."

"You do," Meredith smiled.

"Cause you're really lovable," Emma said and hugged her, and melted Meredith's heart.

"So are you sweetie," Meredith said, as she swallowed past the lump in her throat, marveling at the unconditional love from a child she hardly knew.

"Meredith," Patricia called out, "get out to the field, and do not flirt with Derek, no matter how hard that seems to be. Pay attention to the game."

"She's very bossy," Emma looked up to her, "you better do like she says."

"I think you're right," Meredith said, and ran over to take her position on the field.

Meredith's team won by three runs and the boys were claiming it wasn't fair since they had ruined the competitive spirit of the game. Jason, Maggie's youngest had complained bitterly after his mother, had actually kissed his father after he'd scored a run. "Mom, Dad…stop that, you're on opposite teams. You're supposed to want the other team to lose. Uncle Derek…" he yelled out, "tell Aunt Meredith it's not supposed to happen that way…"

"Crap," Meredith said after the game had finished and she glanced at the blackberry on the nightstand with its blinking red light indicating unread messages.

Derek put his arms around her, nuzzling her neck, "crap," he chuckled, "the fear of soap in your mouth has changed your vocabulary already?"

"No," she laughed, "I've totally forgotten to look, and have all these text messages from Lexie and Cristina," and allowed him to read over her shoulder.

-Mer, say hi to Kat/Kev/Carolyn, hope it's been easy meeting family including Nancy

-Hey…all ok? You're not answering, worried about you

-Meredith, just write quickly, it's not like you have to ramble

-Cristina's even asking about you, you haven't replied to her text either

-ok feel better now; Mark said he talked to you

-Cristina is worried about you, which is enough to make me worry twice about you

-Did you survive mcbitchy

-Mer you ok?

- Mark & Lexie are worried about you and baby issue

-Calling Carolyn if don't hear from you

"We're lucky," Derek hugged her, "how much our family cares."

"We are," Meredith wrapped his arms tighter around her. "I'll call them."

"I was thinking," Derek nuzzled her neck and playfully bit her shoulder, "you could join me in the shower," she could feel the smile on his lips, "help me wash off all the dust from the baseball field."

"There was no dust," she giggled, "but good try."

"Mer," he turned her to face him, "I love you."

"You think" she teased him, "that's going to get me in the shower with you…."

"Uhmmm…" he replied as his lips found hers and his tongue eagerly and easily and playfully dueled with hers.

"I've," she admitted breathlessly, "no will power…"

"Good," he chuckled, as they began to rapidly take each other's clothes off and headed for the shower, and it became one of the longest in the history of the Shepherd household.

"Derek," she said, as they stood naked in each other's arm, waiting for the water to warm slightly. "We can't make noise…and I don't think it's possible…not with us…in the shower…"

"Care to bet," he laughed, before his hand first cupped her breast before pulling her into the shower, and then his mouth followed and immediately had to silence her moans with a kiss. It was a another first; a long and amazing silent shower, that brought them each to the heights of pleasure as only they could provide the other; their cries of fulfillment silenced as he once again buried himself deep inside her, and his mouth covered hers and muffled her sounds of orgasmic response.

"I'm going to call Cristina and Lexie for a second," Meredith raised her voice over the sound of the hair dryer held in his hand. "I'll join you downstairs in about fifteen minutes," she said as she took the dryer from him to dry the excess water only as she'd decided to leave her hair to dry naturally.

Dinner was best described as organized chaos, with energies running high after the game and the kids needing time to unwind.

Meredith told Derek about her conversation with Emma, and they both made a point of spending time with each of the older kids, until it was time for them to call it a night, and none of them wanted to leave, as they knew they would not see their Uncle Derek again for several months. The girls, which were the six youngest, were allowed an extra hour past their bedtime, as were the older boys, thus two sets of shifts for bedtime were in place at Tom and Alice's, giving Meredith and Derek more time with the kids, while the parents were once again allowed the time to enjoy the evening spent with the newlyweds.

"Meredith," Patricia said after only the adults were left, with only Meghan asleep on the couch, her head on Meredith's lap. "You have disrupted years of competitiveness," she accused playfully, "running to the opposing team and kissing your husband," she grinned, "so, it's only fair that you tell us how the hell you got to hit that ball so hard."

"I think," Mike joked, "the secret lies in what she was thinking when she hit the ball, and Shep, I'd stay away if she ever gets that look in her eyes again."

"I'm not sure…" Carolyn commented, "she should tell her secrets."

"Come on Mom," Jenna teased, "it's probably not a big deal. Right Meredith, thinking of the most brainless thing he's ever done."

"It actually was pretty easy…" Meredith said.

"Well," Patricia said, "don't keep us in suspense."

Meredith leaned into Derek, "it's really just…an inside joke."

"Come on Meredith," Rob said, "I'll tell you why he punched me out."

Meredith looked at Derek before she replied, "you already know, it had to do with the wicked witch's appearance."

"That would do it," Jenna said, but missed the exchange between Meredith and Derek, as he whispered in her ear, "you lied."

"Uhmm."

"Tell me," he said, "please…"

She looked at him and said quietly, "Rose."

He took a deep breath and nodded, "I'm sorry."

"I'm not," she smiled at him, "I hit a home run…which scored 4 runs." Derek didn't know how to react, so she did so for them both and kissed him. "Lighten up Shepherd."

"Whatever it was," Kevin said, "I think Meredith's more than forgiven him," and whispered something in Kathleen's ear that earned him a playful smack. "What…I'm just jealous," he nuzzled his wife's neck, "it's very clear they've indulged in sex after the game."

Meredith blushed, not because of what he said, but remembering their attempts at being quiet, and how they had led to discovering new delightful pleasures, in silence.

"Kevin's right," Derek said.

"Derek," Meredith said in mock offense.

"Hey," he kissed her, "if we can't beat them…may as well join them," he said and the adults laughed as he commented on his sisters' insistence on branding him a prude.

The rest of the evening was much as the night before, Carolyn sitting in her favorite chair by the fireplace; now lit as the temperatures, unexpectedly, were to drop in the forties; enjoying her family being together. Tom and Alice, and the Andersons had long ago bid goodnight, and she looked up when Meredith suddenly placed the tiny pink sweater and knitting needles on her lap, "Mom, you don't have a lot of time left."

"Meredith, sweetheart," Carolyn said, "I can finish it later."

"Yes, but, I bet you could knit another one…if you continue with this one now, instead of waiting till I leave," she told her and kissed her cheek. "I'm ok."

"Yes," Carolyn smiled at her, "I believe you are."

"Mom," Kathleen said, "you never did tell us what was in Cristina's envelope. You said it was a certificate but didn't say to what…"

"I guess I didn't," Carolyn said, "a gift certificate for the spa, fifty minute treatment of my choice. She said she expected we may be on the losing end of our bet."

"What bet?" Patricia asked, and smirked, "but more important than that, Carolyn why are you promoting these kids' obsession with betting?"

"Aunt Pat, if you think they're bad," Meredith laughed, "Derek, tell her about our wedding bets," and he did, mentioning the amounts without revealing a donation had been made in Brianna's honor to the miscarriage support website their friends had turned to for information.

"Good lord," Patricia said, "figures Sloan would be involved."

"Aunt Pat," Maggie teased her, "Lord's name in vein."

"Mind your manners Mary Margaret," Pat said, "never show up your elders."

"Your elders," Kevin roared with laughter, "did you hear that Kathleen, we've permission to call her old."

"Listen," Pat told him, "don't think you're too old to have your ears boxed. Speaking of which, Meredith, you do know this one's been around since he was three, never been able to get rid of him."

"Yes," Meredith said, "but what does that have to do with boxing his ears."

"For some reason," Pat chuckled, "his kindergarten teacher, mind you…they were still nuns at the time. Most of the teachers in catholic schools aren't nuns anymore. Anyway, Sister Theresa had the bad habit of pulling on the kids ears if they did something wrong, and she did so one too many times with this one, and he turned around and since she had no ears to be seen, pulled on her veil and off came the headdress," she said, but the rest was not heard as the adults roared with laughter, even after having heard this story too many times too remember the count.

"What did they do to you?" Meredith asked in between their laughter.

"I got sent home for the rest of the week," Kevin responded, "and she never pulled on my ear again. I got the paddle instead."

"Kevin, we don't do that anymore," Patricia made sure to comment. "By the way, what was the bet you made with Cristina I believe, that's your friend Meredith?"

"Yes."

"It's about Mark and Lexie, Meredith's sister…he's smitten…but still the manwhore," Kathleen went on to explain, and Carolyn brought up the pajamas Meredith was supposed to tell them about, and they ended up laughing through several stories including the Mulligan's broken dryer solution; Mark's familiarity with Lexie as he would ever so casually eat off her plate as well as several other stories about the family gathered.

"Mommy," Meghan said, disoriented as she groggily looked around for her mother.

"Hey baby," Meredith whispered tenderly as she lifted the little girl and hugged her, "Mommy's right across from us on the other couch, you fell asleep on my lap."

"I tired," Meghan said and put her thumb in her mouth, "Aunty M…I sleep with you."

"I think that would make Grandma and Katie lonely," Meredith continued to talk to her, and felt Derek's arm around her, and a light kiss on the temple.

"I sleepy…and want Big Bear," she told Meredith.

"Ok," she smiled, "you want to give Mommy and Daddy a kiss goodnight?"

Suddenly she seemed more awake than before, "yep…and my baby sister," she said and got off the couch, "I go to Mommy."

"Mommy," Meghan wrapped her arms around her stomach, "I sleepy…"

"Daddy will take you up," Jenna told her, as Rob put her on her lap so she could hug her goodnight.

"Mommy," Meghan kissed her, "Aunty M has a big lap…" and several adults laughed.

"Mommy will get her lap back pretty soon Meggie," Jenna hugged her again and smiled.

"I not brush my teeth before bedtime," the little girl announced, "I brush my teeth in the morning."

Meredith looked over to Derek with a look of panic, and he whispered, "relax, she can't remember what we said."

"Wanna bet," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"This sounds interesting," Kathleen leaned in, as she was sitting next to Meredith, "what have you done now?"

"We brush our teeth before we go to bed and in the morning too sweetie," Jenna told her, "and after we eat, you know that."

"Mommy, Uncle D forgots to brush his teeth at night and that's cause why he and Aunty M brush them in the morning …they goes to the bathroom together to brush them…"

"Oh God," Meredith groaned into Derek's neck.

"Right Uncle D…"the little girl, now fully alert, asked him, "you forgots to brush your teeth."

"Yes Meghan," Derek said, "we forgot because it was very late when we got to bed last night and were very tired."

"I very tired," she told her mother, "I brush my teeth in the morning."

"Meggie," Patricia picked her up, "will you come with me to brush your teeth and then help me remember my prayers…just like you say them every night?"

"Cause God loves me…and baby Jesus…"

"Yes," Patricia said. "Give your Mommy a kiss goodnight," and there began the ritual of saying good night to everyone as the night before.

"You," Patricia said as she waited for the little girl to say goodnight, and smacked Derek in the back of the head, "owe me…I get to miss what the hell you did this time."

"What is it," Derek rubbed the back of his head, as Meredith giggled, "with you Maloney women…always smacking."

"Mer's not a Maloney," Kathleen laughed.

"She picked it up from you," he glared at her.

"What the hell," Jenna said as soon as Meghan and Pat were out of ear range, "was that about, you don't brush your teeth at night and you tell my there year old about it."

"It wasn't quite like that," Derek said.

"Enlighten me," Jenna said, "and you, Kathleen and Nancy, stop laughing."

"Jen," Kathleen leaned back into Kevin's embrace, "honey, I'm sure it's a memorable explanation."

"I'm waiting," Jenna said.

"Shit, Jenna, your girls came and got in our bed this morning, and Meredith and I weren't dressed…so…"

"You were naked with my girls in bed …are you out of your mind?"

"Of course we were naked, it was barely six o'clock in the morning," Derek said, "that's why we got dressed."

"Derek," Meredith indeed smacked him, "we were not naked…you moron, at least tell things the way they were."

"Please do," John chuckled, and kissed the top of Maggie's head.

"We," Meredith said, "well, we…oh hell, we were naked in bed and…"

"Oh for the love of Christ," Jenna said, "tell me my girls did not…"

Carolyn continued to knit, with a slight smile of amusement on her face. She trusted Meredith had more common sense than Derek, no matter how much she thought she didn't do families, she was getting better at it by the minute, she laughed silently, and though, Irish…I wish you were with me.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "of course they were not in our bed while we were naked.

We were not dressed," she continued, "when I heard her whimpering, so I put on a robe, and went to see what was going on, and before I put her in our bed, told Derek to get a robe on too…then, Katie walked in and she wanted to get in bed with us too…well, we couldn't very well do that…I mean we had robes on…but not appropriate for them to cuddle in bed with us…so …I said we were going to brush our teeth…and Meghan wanted to know why. She asks why about everything…and I mean some are really good questions… I don't have the answer to most of them…" she rambled.

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, "get on with the story…"

"Derek is the one that said we forgot to brush them last night, I just said we were going to brush our teeth, so that's what we did…we got dressed and then got into bed and the girls fell asleep."

There was absolute silence and then Rob said, "you thought they fell asleep," and the room echoed with laughter.

"Derek," John said, as he gently caressed Maggie's arm, "we're going to send you the kids for two weeks…have you start with mastering the teenage years…if you can do that…then we'll ship the rest of them off in twos till you get to the why stage, you'll be an old pro by then…" he said, and noticed Maggie's slight trembling in his arms, and whispered, "you ok?"

"Can I talk to you?" Maggie turned to her husband, with an unexpected urgency.

"Now," he said quietly, while at the same time a deep sinking feeling took over.

"Yes," she said, and started to get up. "I think we should open a couple of the bottles of champagne that Mark sent, it's not often we get to spend it with family…and before you go home…we should…really enjoy this moment. We'll be right back," she said as her husband followed her to the kitchen.

"Maggie," John turned to her, and asked tenderly, "babe, what's wrong?"

She met his gaze and her tears scared the living hell out of him.

"John," she touched his face and caressed it gently, "do you have any idea how much I love you…and how scared I am…to hope…how scared I've been for the last seven years to trust that we're going to make it…that I'm not going to wake up one morning…and," she swallowed back her tears, "that there isn't going to be another time…when…I can't…"

"Maggie, I love you….only you…please…don't do this…don't tell me you can't do this…don't tell me you're giving up on us…" John pleaded.

"I'm telling you…" she said, tears and emotions so long suppressed; years pretending nothing had happened to mar their marriage no longer held back. "I don't want to live like that anymore…I don't want to have any more doubts…I want to believe that the past is behind us…and that you love me…like when we were first married…when we first met…when you made love to me for the first time…that's what I want…to throw caution to the wind and trust that you mean it every time you tell me that you love me…that you still loved me, even when…"

"Maggie," he said, as tears filled his eyes as well, "you have to know…you have to believe me," he touched her face, wiped away her tears, "my life without you is nothing…Maggie…I've spent seven years trying to prove that to you…and I don't know what else to do…how else to…"

"Just love me," she said, "John…just love me…like you have…make me forget the doubts…and make me remember…how we felt…how happy we were…I want to feel that way again…I want to believe that we can do it all over again…"

"I do…Maggie, I do…love you…only you…always...it's been you…only you and I'll make you remember…spend everyday reminding you…just don't shut me out…Maggie…all of this bottled up inside of you…and now…why now…"

"I see them…Meredith and Derek together…and I remember when we were like that…when …even when things were wrong…we believed nothing would break us apart…"

"Nothing did Maggie…our love survived…in spite of everything…we've never pretended about that…all these years…please…tell me you haven't stopped loving me."

"Not for one single second," she said as she kissed his lips, "not one single second since the day I first loved you."

"Oh God," he held on to her for dear life, their tears mingled together on their lips, "I was so afraid…so scared…that you were going to tell me you wanted us to…"

"I want us to dream again…John…I want my dreams back…"

"Will you let me," he said, as he caressed her face, and kissed her tenderly, "will you trust me to share your dreams with me again…"

"Yes," she said, as their kiss became a renewal of their commitment.

"She's fast asleep," Patricia said as she joined the group again, "what did I miss?"

"Nothing," Maggie said, walking in the living room at the same time as her aunt, "that a little champagne won't help to set the tongues wagging again," she said with a smile on her face as she took the flutes from the tray John held and began to distribute them. "This one," she handed Jenna the last one, "is just for you."

"Martinelli's," Jenna smiled. "We still have those here?"

"As many pregnancies as we've had around here," Maggie smiled at her, "there can't ever be enough of them around. Mom," Maggie said, surprising her sisters, aunt and mother with her sudden change in attitude, "John and I will make sure to keep you stocked, after all…if Aunt Pat's right…you have another six grandkids coming your way."

"You better be ready, Mary Margaret," Patricia said, "it's no laughing matter."

"I know," Maggie said, as she allowed herself to fully relax and enjoy her husband's embrace, and her sister Jenna smiled at her, and as they were sitting next to each other, reached over and grabbed her hand.

"You talked," she said, as Maggie gently massaged her belly and feeling her niece's movements.

"I told him how I feel…" she said. "The rest…time will tell."

"That's good…very good," Jenna said, and she too snuggled back into her husband's embrace.

"Ailene," Patricia said, "do you feel it? The subtle change?"

"All my children happy," Carolyn sighed, as she looked around the room, five couples, each glaringly content to be with the loves in their lives. "I do…and so does Irish," she smiled at her sister. "He's at peace…I know…right this very moment."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "do you already have a date for the baptism? So we can get the time off?"

"I was waiting till you got here," Jenna said, content in her husband's arms as he gently rubbed her belly, and smiling, whispered to her every time the baby kicked him. "Figure out when you both could get a weekend off. We considered Thanksgiving weekend, since she'll be around six weeks old and everyone from Rob's family will be here too. But, we knew you wouldn't likely be here for Thanksgiving, but maybe that weekend? I also have to talk to Father Dennison about the classes you'll have to attend, and see if you can do them in Seattle?"

"Jenna Patricia," her aunt interrupted, "what are you talking about?"

"Aunt Pat," Jenna joked, "surely you know about the classes godparents have to…"

"Of course I know," Patricia stated. "But, they can't be the godparents."

"What…" Jenna said, "Aunt Pat…what are you talking about?"

"Derek's divorced," her aunt said, "and Meredith's not Catholic. They can't be the official godparents, and for that reason you'll have to..."

Derek felt Meredith stiffen immediately, "oh," her soft gasp barely noticeable, as was the tone of disappointed in the one single word.

"Aunt Patricia," Jenna said very seriously, unlike any other time Meredith had witnessed. "I am well aware of the restrictions and requirements, as well as the role of the godparents; not to mention that my very Catholic aunt and uncle have not remembered I'm their godchild since I was seven years old and they attended my first communion."

"Jenna," Patricia said, "do not take that tone with me…I'm only pointing out the need to find …"

"Aunt Patricia," Jenna sat up, "I think Rob and I are able to make the best decision for our children, and I've already discussed it with Father Dennison and he is aware …"

Meredith remained quiet, she'd never stopped to consider the implications of what it meant to be godmother to a Catholic child; one from a practicing family, and had just gone along with the emotion and sentimentality of the moment, but her disappointment was evident to all in the room.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "it's ok…it makes sense that you'd need to be Catholic…don't be upset…it's not a big deal…we'll still be her aunt and uncle."

"It's a big deal to me Meredith," Jenna told her, "and I know…from the little time I've known you…and now the time we've spent together, that there isn't anyone I'd rather have as godmother to my daughter, and I certainly believe both my brother and you would respect any of our wishes…about our girls' Catholic upbringing should we not be here to do so. Not to mention, their aunts and uncles….and Mom…and, you Aunt Pat…because I expect you would do that no matter who the godparents are."

"Merciful God in Heaven," Patricia turned to her sister, "Carolyn do not ever tell me I'm the overly dramatic one," and Derek actually felt Meredith's body relax. "Jenna Patricia, if you had let me finish…but no, when does this family ever allow one to finish a thought without jumping to all sorts of wrong conclusions…"

"Wrong conclusions," Maggie said, "Aunt Pat, you clearly said that they could not be godparents."

"Mary Margaret," Patricia said, "I merely stated the obvious. However, if I had been allowed to finish my statement," she said and went on to repeat what she'd begun to say originally. "For that reason, "you'll have to have name them as witnesses and on paper designate a Catholic godparent in good standing with the Church. So, there is no reason for them to have to attend any classes, as they officially will not be listed as the godparents."

"Well," Maggie defended her sister, "you could have just said that to begin with rather than get everyone upset. That was not very nice Aunt Patricia."

"Oh cut it out, both of you, with the Aunt Patricia crap," she looked scolded them, "or am I going to become Sister Patricia just for trying to help resolve the problem."

"Trying to help," Kevin roared with laughter, "you almost started a full …"

"Listen you impertinent…" she paused, "just for that…you're off my team."

"You can't do that," Kevin sat up immediately. "I've been on that team for years."

"Watch me," she said, and walked over to where Meredith and Derek were sitting.

"You're bluffing," Kevin said, "I'm your best partner."

"There are other poker players around," she winked at Meredith. "Just waiting to take your spot."

"Meredith," she sat down next to her and hugged her. "I told you, it was a good thing you only had to deal with the immediate family on your first visit."

"Poker playing?" Meredith questioned and then laughed. "I've got to add poker playing."

"It's my one horrible vice," the troublemaking family nun admitted. "Gambling."

"Aunt Pat," Meredith said, "you really are putting me on."

"She's not," Kathleen said, "her mother in law, used to harass her that her poker playing was totally incompatible with a proper Catholic upbringing. Needless to say, they did not get along so well. But, our uncle indulged her and use to laugh at how she'd play for twelve hours straight and meet up with the family at Sunday mass."

"Carolyn," Meredith turned to her mother in law. "Are they joking?"

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "I only wish they were."

"Jenna," her aunt said, "let's settle the godparent issue."

"It's settled," Jenna said, "whatever we call them…as far as I'm concerned Meredith and Derek are the baby's godparents."

"That's all well and good," Patricia said, "but you'll have to tell Father…"

"Aunt Pat," Rob soothed, "we've already talked to him. He told us the same thing you did, we'll designate one godparent, which we did already, and Meredith and Derek will be considered Christian witnesses. He does, however, want them to attend the two hours of classes. That's what Jenna was going to ask him, if he would accept if they do so in Seattle."

"Hogwash," Patricia said, "there's no need for that. I'll talk to him and tell him I will make sure to give them the proper instruction."

Derek had remained quiet throughout the exchange, Meredith's reaction of disappointment got him to thinking, and his wheels were turning trying to find the solution that would not impede her from being the godmother.

"Derek," Meredith said quietly, "are you ok?"

"Yes," he smiled, though it did not quite reach his eyes. "It's all settled now."

"Meredith," John joked and succeeded in regaining the lighter mood for the rest of the evening. "Whatever you do, don't believe her when she tries to tell you she has special dispensation to hear confessions," and the room erupted with laughter.

"That was only once," Rob laughed, "we should be fair, since she was trying to prove a point about Sloan's date that New Year's."

"I have to say," Derek joined in, "she proved her point rather well, when she asked if it mattered that she'd just had sex with Mark before they got here."

"You think that was the worst part," Patricia chuckled, "the stories she told…I don't think there are enough beads in ten rosaries to give as proper penance."

"Ignore her," Jenna said. "Meredith, I think you may prefer two hours with a priest in Seattle than this troublemaking …gambling …"

"Jen," Rob laughed, "I don't think you want to annoy her too much."

"She's annoyed me," Jenna said, and rubbed her abdomen, "and the baby…who hasn't stopped kicking me since she practically dismissed her godparents," she glared at her aunt. "Help me up honey," Jenna said, "I have to go to the bathroom."

"She certainly is testy tonight, more so than usual," Patricia said.

"Pat," Carolyn said, "you could have found an easier way to say things, which actually, there was nothing to say since you already knew the solution."

"I was only trying to keep these two from wasting two hours to hear Catholic doctrine, I can surely provide more accurately…" she glanced at her niece making her way back, rubbing her lower back, and got up without finishing her sentence. Jenna had already settled on the couch when her aunt walked back in with a piece of chocolate cake and sat next to her.

"You're trying to bribe me?" Jenna told her as she reached for the plate.

"I'm sorry," her aunt said, "honey…you know you're my favorite…nobody's ever disputed that…since the day you were born…and you were placed in my arms even before you mom and dad held you."

"That's because Daddy almost passed out," Jenna laughed, "right after he cut the umbilical cord and Mom was freaking out about it."

"Jenni," her aunt said, and Meredith smiled, to see the tough nun become so gentle with her niece. "I didn't mean to upset you. I thought I was helping…pointing out the obvious, but I knew there was a solution."

"So did we," Jenna smiled at her, and put her head on her aunt's shoulder, allowing her to place her hand on her abdomen. "Tell her Rob."

"We told Father Dennison," Rob smiled, waiting for Patricia's reaction, "if you agreed, we'd want you to be the official godmother, on the baptism certificate."

Nobody was surprised at Jenna's tears; but it was fair to say, all were by the tears on Patricia's cheeks as both aunt and niece hugged each other, and finally she spoke. "I would be honored…especially to share that responsibility with Meredith and Derek."

"I think," Jenna said, "the baby's agreeing…with excitement…since she's kicking me harder and faster…since she heard the news," and everyone laughed.

Meredith surprised several people in the room when she leaned in to her husband and kissed him softly and smiled and then walked over to Jenna and sat on the sturdy sofa table and faced her, "maybe, she likes the balance of personalities…of her two godmother's," and she placed her hand over Jenna's belly and spoke softly, "isn't that right little one, you're all excited to have your poker playing…cheating…very caring and wonderful great aunt," she smiled at Pat, "and your rambling…sort of clueless about babies aunt…and even less informed uncle who are going to spoil you rotten…as your godparents."

"Mer," Jenna said and all three women had sentimental tears in their eyes, "we're moving to Seattle, nobody can calm her down like you can…so you can do this…talk to her…at three in the morning when she doesn't want to go to sleep…"

Meredith gasped slightly and smiled, "you can always call me," she said, "and she can listen to me…over the phone," she said, as she felt her goddaughter's gentle rolls of contentment, and her husband, Kathleen, Carolyn and Nancy exchanged sentimental and understanding smiles.

The hour that followed was filled with laughter amongst the siblings, their aunt and mother, and right before eleven Patricia told them she should be back before midnight, setting up additional teasing about her nun duties. Meredith and Derek walked with her to the car. "I'm sorry, for causing that unpleasant moment earlier, please forgive me."

"Aunt Pat," Derek said, "no harm done."

"Thank you dear," Patricia said and hugged him. "I'm so glad you were home, it was so good to see you…but most of all, I am so thankful you found this lovely girl…and that she loves you as much as I can see that you love her."

"I do," Derek said, "the love of my life."

"I meant what I said earlier," she touched his cheek, much like his mother always did. "It's an honor to share in the responsibility of Jenna's little one…though I know…it's you…both of you that will fulfill that role…and I know there aren't any two people better suited for that. She already loves her godmother," she smiled at Meredith.

"I already love her too," Meredith said, and allowed Pat to engulf her in a hug.

"Meredith," Patricia smiled, "remember what I said…trust your instincts."

"I will…" Meredith smiled, and reached for Derek's hand, "one day…only happy mommies…and babies…"

"Count on it," Patricia smiled, "but remember…that fourth one…"

"Aunt Pat," Meredith said, "don't joke…"

"Who's joking," Aunt Pat said, and Derek laughed delighted at the prospect.

"We'll see you," Derek said, "in about two months."

"God willing," Patricia said and smiled. "Will you allow me," she asked, "to give you a blessing?"

Both Meredith and Derek smiled, and asked for God's blessings upon them, and then she said, "and now…a little late, but and old Irish wedding prayer. May the light of friendship guide your paths together. May the laughter of children grace the halls of your home. May the joy of living for one another trip a smile from your lips, a twinkle from your eye. May the Spirit of Love find a dwelling place in your hearts."

Carolyn held the front door open for them and they spoke a few minutes before she said good night, she was going to check on the girls and would be up early to see them off.

"Mom," Derek said, "we have to be out of here before five in the morning, you don't have to be up."

"Nonsense," she said and hugged him, "of course I'm going to be up when you leave for the airport," and she and Meredith exchanged knowing smiles.

The five couples sat around and talked for a while longer. Rob and Jenna, who by that time was exhausted, were the first ones to call it a night, and looking forward to their next visit, and the excitement that their daughter would already be born.

The rest made sure they'd left the house tidy for the next day, not wanting to leave Carolyn with additional work.

"Ok you two," Derek said and shocked his sisters. "Mike, stop with the foreplay, take her up to bed already."

Maggie's laughter was as melodious and infectious as Meredith's, "did you just say that…after all the crap you've been giving us about no sex talk allowed."

"Told you earlier," Derek said as he grabbed Meredith to his side, and playfully nibbled on her neck. "Can't beat the join them, and these two have been doing this all night, they should take their foreplay to the bedroom," he said. "Good night you two."

"Big brother giving us permission for sex," Nancy joked. "Mike…can we do quiet?"

Mike slapped her butt playfully, "mchottie…wants quiet…" he teased, as he chuckled and went up the kitchen stairs to the second floor.

"He still hasn't forgiven me for Mark," she said to Meredith, "that rites of passage shit was always a bone of contention."

"Still?" Meredith said, "thought that was years ago."

"Of course it was," Nancy said, "long before him. But, it's always fun…making it up to him…" she said, "never fails…"

"Nancy," Derek stopped her before she went up the stairs. "Thanks again," he smiled, "it meant a lot to me…you and Meredith…"

"Derek," Nancy stopped him. "I just hope you really can forgive me…"

"Nothing to forgive. Like Mom said, it's all in the past."

"I'm glad you were here, that the kids got to see you. Jennifer especially was very happy and delighted to meet Meredith. She asked me if I'd let her visit, so get ready for a whole bunch of kids that want to visit Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith."

"I'm glad I got time to spend with them. They're growing up so quickly. Jenni's lovely, just like her mother."

"Hey," Nancy told him, "you better not be calling her bitchy," she teased him.

"She is beautiful," he said, "compassionate, kind…lovely, just like her mother," he hugged his sister, "like the sister who flew out to see me…"

"I love you Derek, I hope you know that," and she knew he felt the same emotions she was feeling, that of siblings that above else cared deeply for each other.

"I do," he said. "I love you too."

Meanwhile, John, Maggie's husband, the other doctor in the bunch had received a page and gone upstairs after saying goodnight, giving Meredith and Maggie an opportunity to talk, since Kathleen and Kevin had walked to his parents, as they always checked in on the kids before turning in at night.

"Maggie," Meredith said quietly, as not to disturb the conversation between Nancy and Derek. "I feel like we're the only ones that haven't had some time alone to talk."

"Yes," Maggie smiled at her, and hugged her briefly, "and I feel that there's a lot to say…but just not the right time."

"Derek told me you'd talked a little, that you may come visit us."

"You don't mind? Having four of us visit?"

"Not at all," Meredith smiled, "he told me the kids could camp out in the trailer if you come after the holidays. It will be cold in winter."

"You two," Maggie said, "talk about everything."

"We do now," Meredith told her, "it wasn't always that way…but now, right before the wedding, we do…it's made a big difference in our relationship."

"You're happy," Maggie smiled, "I can see that, but I told Derek…I also see…"

"We're happy," Meredith said and met his sister's gaze. "I think…I can say the same thing about you. You're happy, but there's something," she said and their bond began to form at that moment, one that would become as strong, though in different ways than hers with Kathleen, "and I understand…I do…that maybe you're not ready to share just yet."

"Like you," Maggie said, and Meredith nodded.

"Like me," Meredith said, "but I will…when you visit…we'll talk then. Not before."

"We will," Maggie said. "Mom and Kathleen told us Seattle has a way of making you talk," she smiled. "Your gentle wilderness," Maggie said, "that brings peace to the soul."

"It does," Meredith agreed, "your brother picked the perfect spot. I knew," she revealed to his sister, "the first time he took me there…I knew…"

"We'll see you in the morning," Maggie said, "before you leave."

"Can you keep a secret," Meredith grinned.

"Always," Maggie smiled, and hugged her before she said good night.

"Uhmmm," Derek said and nuzzled her neck as he wrapped his arms around her. "Just us alone…big kitchen…"

"You think," Meredith teased, "your Mom keeps condoms in the cookie jar," and their laughter filled the room that had been so prominent in the reuniting of their family, the strengthening of old and new familial bonds.

"Hey you two," Kevin chuckled as he and Kathleen came in the kitchen door, and repeated what Derek had said earlier, "stop with the foreplay."

"Yes," Kathleen laughed, "and unlike your kitchen, there are no condoms in the kitchen," and the four friends and above all family members joined in laughter.

Knowing his wife well, Kevin said, "Kat, don't be long," and kissed her.

"Kev," Derek laughed, "real subtle."

"Not at all, leave them alone Shep. You're leaving tomorrow and they'll want to talk."

"They can talk," Derek said, "even if I'm here…right Mer…Kat…"

"Brainless," Kathleen laughed, "never fails," she said. "We won't be long, big brother. I won't kidnap her for hours."

"Mer," Derek said, hoping his wife agreed with him.

"We won't be long," she smiled. "Promise," and she gave him a soft lingering kiss and put her arm around him as the two couples walked to the living room, and Kevin made sure the fire was out in the fireplace.

"How bad was it?" Kathleen said, as she sat on the couch, her feet curled under her.

Meredith took a deep breath, "sometimes," she said, "it was a minus one hundred. I thought I was going to have to get up and leave, like the first time…when I saw Jenna take Derek's hand so he could feel the baby kick," she bit her lips together, "then…when she asked me to be the godmother… when I felt the baby's gentle rolling…I thought my heart would break," she met Kathleen's gaze as she felt her hand in hers. "Then," she smiled, a bittersweet smile, "like tonight…when the little soccer player …or kick boxer as Jenna would say, calmed down as she heard my voice…and I felt her gentle rolls…like little waves, I thought my heart would burst with joy."

"Oh…Meredith," Kathleen's tears were quick to fall.

"Because, Kathleen, I know…I do…that one day, Derek and I will have that…we'll have our family…and most of all…our children and I have a family…all of them right here…as well as those back home, our children will have this amazing family…you are all wiling to share with me."

They spoke for a lot longer than just the few minutes promised their husbands. Meredith shared with her the conversations with Carolyn, Nancy, Jenna and Maggie, and they laughed at Emma's and Meghan's and before they rose to join their husbands, Kathleen said, "I love you Meredith, and I'm so proud to know you are my sister…and that you feel the same way about me."

"I do Kathleen, I feel the same way, and I never imagined…ever…I'd have an older sister…one that would accept me so unconditionally. I love you too Kathleen."

Derek's eyes were closed, his faced partly laying on her pillow, and Meredith smiled as she made her way quietly to the bathroom and got ready for bed.

She felt him reach for her as soon as she slid in next to him, and she smiled as they lay side by side, leaning in to kiss him lightly, but he pulled back to look at her.

"You've been crying," he said in a quiet tender tone.

"Happy crying," she admitted without any hesitation.

"Mer…"

"I took longer," she said pressing her forehead against his, "catching up with my older sister…" and she heard his quick intake of breath, and felt his arms drawing her closer to him.

"How bad has it been…this visit?" he said as he kissed the top of her head, her forehead..

"It depends," she pressed herself closer to his body, "just like I told Kathleen."

"Would you like to tell me?"

"What if I tell you," she pulled back to look at his face, "the way I feel right now?"

"Uhmmmm…no secrets…"

"None," she smiled, knowing she was keeping one from him; one she was certain he would enjoy, both of them would enjoy immensely.

"Tell me then," he said, and they simultaneously reached to entwine their fingers, and she began to talk, and as she repeated the conversations with Maggie and Kathleen, at times he'd caress her face and his thumb wipe a tear away; his lips would stop the flow of a single tear, and then just as often they'd smile, or he'd delight in the sound of her giggling, or their light hearted laughter would echo as they lay in bed, only a sliver of the moon's light illuminating their bedroom.

"Now,"she smiled, a decidedly seductive twinkle in her eyes, "do you know what I would like?"

"Uhmmmm…" was his equally pleased response, eliminating any distance between them and kissing her.

"To make love to my husband," she whispered, "and hope we can manage without…"

"Another silent night," he teased, as he kissed her neck, and his lips began to show her all she meant to him; softly, tenderly… quietly …turning to the passion always waiting to be unleashed between them; and the night witnessed the frustratingly quiet expression of the love for each other, the insatiable need for the other, each taking turns with their words, their lips, their hands turning every touch into a caress; each moan and groan an exquisite response to the other's desire to express their commitment, their need for the other, their unquestionable love for each other in the journey of one of many similar nights of their lifetime together.

"So," he said, as they both lay side by side, sated and breathless, "I have to say, you've exhausted your old beast…even if you think I'm boring," he smiled, "though I take offense to that after our afternoon shower…that was nothing but…"

She reached for his hand, "best…silent sex…ever…" and their carefree laughter again filled the air.

Derek turned his head and smiled, his arm raised above him, looking at her adoringly, "are you up to…another boring…"

Her laughter, at moments like this, never failed to warm his heart, to make his body crave her yet again, and she turned to him, her body quickly molding to his as she lay on top of him and their eyes met, both smiling as his hands became entangled in her hair.

"You mean," she teased him, "boring…like you had in mind…for that last night in New York?"

"Don't remind me…" he said, their lips almost touching.

"Derek," she pressed herself against him, her lips becoming closer to his, "we'll have our night…"

"Uhmmm…next time," he said and closed the distance to kiss her, but she stopped him.

"Derek…" she drew closer, her lips centimeters away from his, "we don't have an early flight...we're not going back…tomorrow," she said and her lips met his, and once again they gave in to the inevitable desire that never failed to lead to new found pleasures while losing all track of time.

"I love you," Derek whispered one more time, before eventually succumbing to sleep.

"I love you too," Meredith said as she snuggled against him, their bodies entwined as her head lay on his chest, "my insatiable beast," she smiled.

"Your quiet," Derek chuckled, "insatiable beast…"

"I love you Derek," she smiled, and again they reached to entwine their fingers, and he brought their joined hands to his lips and kissed her.

"I adore you," he said as they gave in to exhaustion and fell asleep with a satisfied smile on their lips.

Hours later Derek groaned as he tried to ignore a soft persistent knock on the door.

"Derek," she mumbled, "answer …door…knocking…"

"No…tired…exhausted…"

"Answer …it…" she said pushing him away from her, "it's not stopping…"

"It will," he said, as he heard the soft knock again.

"Derek…" she complained, "it's probably Cristina…"

"No…" he mumbled, "she'd knock the door down…"

"Oh…shit…" Meredith said suddenly, "we're not home…"

"Back to sleep," he mumbled, but first gave her a quick kiss.

"Get up," Meredith said, "it's probably one of the kids…"

"Kids…" he opened his eyes, "shit…Mom's house…"

"Yes," she said and frantically searched for their clothes and within seconds both were dressed and she sent him to the door, as their morning intruder was giving up..

"Morning Uncle Derek," he looked down and saw a warmly bundled up girl smiling up at him and whispering, "are you and Aunt Meredith sleeping?"

"Not anymore," he said, "is something wrong?"

"She said I could cuddle with you…" the little girl whispered again, "before I'm not little anymore," he could not help but smile, as he remembered the conversation Meredith had told him about.

"Do you want to come in?" he said, and held the door open.

"Yes…please," she beamed and walked to Meredith's side of the bed.

"Aunt Meredith," she whispered, "I wanted to cuddle with you…before you go home."

"You couldn't wait," Meredith smiled, and patted the bed indicating she could climb in.

"No," the little girl said, "just in case…you take longer to come back."

"Emma," Meredith said as she looked at the clock, "honey, it's five thirty in the morning, how did you get here…you were at your Grandma Alice's…sweetie…you're not supposed to come here on your own."

"I didn't come alone," Emma told Meredith, "I brought Jake with me, then he went home."

"Jake?" Meredith questioned.

Derek, who was now back in bed answered, "Tom's German Shepherd."

"Emma," Meredith said, "sweetie, you're a little girl, you can't leave the house in the middle of the night, even if you have Jake, and when your grandmother wakes up, and can't find you she'll be very upset."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma said, as she snuggled between them, "Jake's a guard dog…he wouldn't let anything happen to me, and I left two notes for Grandma, one on my bed on the pillow and another one by the coffee pot, cause she and Grandpa always do that first every morning."

"That was smart," Meredith had a tone of reprimand that made him smile, imagining the same would be used talking to their kids in the future. "But, what you did was wrong," she said and the little girl's eyes began to water.

"I'm sorry," Emma said, "I just wanted to see you…before you and Uncle Derek went back…and before I get big…like Amanda and Rebecca…and they say they're too big to cuddle anymore."

"I told you," Meredith's voice softened, "we're never too old to cuddle."

"Are you mad at me?" Emma asked her.

"No," Meredith said, "but your Mom and Dad aren't going to be happy."

"That's ok," Emma whispered, "I can handle that," she grinned, a toothless smile showing the slow growth of a second adult tooth on the top, "Aunt Nancy says I have Mommy and Daddy wrapped around my little finger, I was not supposed to hear that…cause she and Aunt Maggie were laughing, but it's silly…cause that's impossible…but Mommy and Daddy won't get mad…cause I brought Jake."

Derek and Meredith exchanged glances, and he mouthed, "let it go."

"Will you promise me one thing," Meredith said, not about to let it go, and Derek smiled at the motherly instinct she was not even realizing she had, and caressed her forehead.

"Yes," Emma said, "what…"

"Never to do that again," Meredith said.

"Ok."

"Emma," Meredith said again. "There's something else…"

"What?" Emma said, snuggling closer to her, and her eyes becoming droopy.

"Sweetie," Meredith said, "you never promise anything…until you know what it is."

"Ok," Emma said, as her eyes closed, and she snuggled against Meredith, and Meredith put her arms around her, and smiled as her husband leaned over and kissed her lips.

"We have at least an hour," he said, and she giggled.

"Before the other two come in," she smiled, and sure enough Katie and Meghan found their way to their aunt and uncle's bed, and that was how Carolyn Shepherd found them at nearly seven o'clock in the morning after discovering her own empty bed and the slightly ajar door to her son and newly welcomed daughter's room.

Meredith had told Maggie the night before of the later flight she'd booked for them. But, she'd admitted to Kathleen and Carolyn they would actually be spending the night in New York, as Derek had wanted, since she knew they would understand their need for time alone together. Thus, a leisurely breakfast offered another opportunity for the family to spend a little more time together.

Kevin, rightly so, scolded Emma, his youngest just turned eight. But, her mother was trying hard to contain her laughter when she turned the sad puppy eyes on her father, "but Daddy…I had Jake, and he's always protecting me…and I left a note for Grandpa and Grandma, and I told them I took the key to Granma's so they wouldn't worry."

"That's fine Emma," Kevin glared at Kathleen and her sisters, "those were good things that you did, but you're a little girl. Do you know how sad your Mommy and I would be if anything happened to you?"

"She's more like Jenna's daughter," Maggie whispered to Meredith, "with the tears."

"Hey," Jenna said, "stop making fun of me…I'm pregnant and can't control them."

"What's the excuse the rest of the year?" Kathleen laughed.

"You know Kathleen," Jenna said, "Aunt Pat had a point…there's a sixth grandchild…that any one of the five of us…"

Kathleen and Nancy laughed, "nice try," Kathleen said, "we're done with that."

"I think," Maggie placed her hand over John's, her words making him look at her incredulously as he grinned in delight, "Aunt Pat's pretty much narrowed down Mom's six grandkids to just three of us," as for the first time in years she voiced the possibility of having another child.

"Aunt Maggie," Katie said, still a bit groggy as she sat with her father having breakfast. "You gonna have six babies?"

"No Katie," her aunt said, "maybe just one more baby."

"Dream on," Nancy laughed, "I think yours do come in sets of twos."

Meredith smiled and reached for Derek's hand. "We're thinking, we may contribute three of them…when the time is right," she said and effectively assured her husband, Carolyn, Kathleen and Nancy that this trip had indeed provided healing, and that she was able to deal with the next trip; when she'd have a goddaughter to remind her of their loss, but most importantly she'd have a precious little girl to help her get ready for her own.

Derek and Meredith had each individually shared sentimental moments with Carolyn during their two day stay, and as time drew closer to them saying goodbye, all three felt the need to spend a few minutes alone together.

Carolyn sat in their room, between them, on the edge of the half stripped bed, which Carolyn has insisted they leave as it was, when she'd knocked on their door after they'd come to get their bags, and found Meredith ready to put new sheets on. She'd insisted that she would take care of it, it would give her something to do later, that she just wanted some time with them.

"I cannot tell you," Carolyn said, "how proud I am…of you both, that you're communicating and not allowing misunderstanding to get in the way…how happy I am…to see how you've overcome so much…how you dealt with these last two days, when I know what it meant to each of you to be here…and that I wish could have been different, but I know, that one day…it will be you, Meredith," she reached for their hands and joined them together, "yours and Derek's child that we're all excited to welcome into our family," and she turned to kiss each of them on the cheek.

"Ma," Derek said, and no other words were needed, "I've missed being home."

"Just make sure it doesn't happen again," she said, and they both heard the catch in her voice. "Though, I'm seriously thinking I may have to keep that dramatic trouble making nun away."

"Please don't," Meredith said, "she's just one more, of the family…that made me feel welcome…that for the first time…in my life…I know…I have a family to count on."

"That you do sweetheart," Carolyn sniffled, "you're stuck with us for life."

"I love you Carolyn," Meredith said and the smiled.

"See saws," Carolyn chuckled, "for a little longer"

"Not for long," Meredith smiled and hugged her, "I love you Mom."

"I'm sure," Carolyn said, "my meddling sister has already done so, but it never hurts…to ask for a blessing…does it?"

Both Meredith and Derek nodded, and Carolyn spoke gently and tenderly as she repeated an almost exact prayer, that months before had echoed through the brick walls of a nearly empty nave of a hundreds' year old Venetian church. "Dear Lord, thank you for all your blessings…my children …their health…our family. For my Irish, as I know he's been with us these last two days. Watch over my children, Meredith and Derek, protect them, keep them from all harm as they travel home, and bless them…and one day, let them experience the joy of a healthy baby in their arms," and she turned to Meredith, and then Derek and made the sign of he cross on their foreheads, "in the name of the Father…and the Son…and the Holy Spirit."

"Amen," echoed three deeply moved voices, as they all joined in the prayer that held the hope and promises of dreams waiting to be fulfilled.

_A/N 3 Jan – yes, finally their visit with family is over. I know what happens when they return to Seattle, and originally, before this two chapter idea became five and over 55,000 words, I was going to write about their time alone in New York, now, I'm thinking it's just time to get them home. Let me know, I'm open to ideas. Get them home already, or write about her surprise extension to include a night in New York._


	203. Chapter 203

_A/N – 9 JAN - Nine days away from the office is not conducive to a lot of free time to write the first week back! You have all been so wonderful with your reviews of the last two chapters, I did not want to wait to post an update, hence, this shorter version (less than 6,000 words) and I hope you enjoy the way I chose to show their New York visit, intended as merely some glimpses…while also getting them back home._

_Thanks again for reading, and my heartfelt appreciation, as always, to each of you that comments. I've replied individually to all of you that have commented since October, but there are some of you that have no links (airamm, mcramble) and I truly and sincerely am grateful for your comments. Maureen & sourpatch 943 your comments are among some of the most inspiring messages I get. Loved the thought process as well, the sooner they leave, the sooner they're back for the baptism. _

_**Chapter 191 – All I Ask of You **_

Meredith felt Derek's lips on hers, which normally would have been a good thing; except she was really trying to sleep. She was tired; truly exhausted, and was certain this was the second time he'd done this in the last ten minutes.

"Hey," he whispered upon her lips, "sleeping beauty…"

"I'm going to kill you," she complained, though in spite of her slight annoyance she smiled, "let me sleep. So tired," she said, while thinking it would not take much convincing to give in to him. But, to add insult to injury, it wasn't as though she could become lost in the pleasure of his kiss, the pleasure of his touch; damn it, none of that was likely to take place, not while they were cruising at thirty seven thousand feet surrounded by another fourteen passengers in the first class section of the rather small cabin of the Boeing-737, an hour into the six hour flight to Seattle.

"Meredith," he placed his lips on hers again, "I'm afraid…" he grinned; his wife loved to sleep after a long night of lovemaking. "They're going to divert the plane…make a special landing," he joked, "before these passengers revolt," he waited for her to open her eyes and glare at him, but she didn't, so he continued, "if you don't stop snoring."

"Ass," she nipped his lip, opened one eye and glared. She closed her eyes again, but not before he felt the playful bite of his lip, and saw her smile.

"You're smiling," he said, "you're not going to yell at me."

She smiled again, a delighted well satisfied smile, "remembering…"

"Oh yeah…"

"Oh yeah…" she reached out for the warmth of his hand.

"Mer," he asked, "you want breakfast?"

"I want to sleep," she leaned toward him, and he settled her head on his shoulder, "how can you be awake?"

"There's this tiny person sitting next to me," he teased, "that is so loud…"

"Derek," she mumbled, "you're pushing it…with the snoring crap."

"My dainty wife," he whispered in her ear, "she kept me up all night…making up for the amazing…" she could hear the amusement in his voice, "two days of silent sex…or rather…the best silent sex…ever…" and then she laughed.

"You're complaining…" Meredith teased him; her eyes now open as she looked into his.

"Never," he kissed her. "I loved …my quiet…dainty wife's transformation," they both smiled, "into a wild...insatiable…"

"Hey," she giggled, "you were the insatiable beast."

"I think," he said, as his smile became that perfect smile…their smile, "this time…you really exhausted the old beast."

"The old beast," she smiled, "my old untamable panther…had more energy than I did after an hour's worth of sleep and that alarm clock went off this morning…"

"You like quickies…"

"Uhmm…" she closed her eyes again, "not sure about that…"

"What…" he said, looking offended, "you always…"

Their gazes were locked, and she gave in to the desire to kiss him, "want to know…what I like best?"

"Mer…" he said, "we're surrounded by people…"

"Next time," she said as she snuggled into him, "you could let me sleep…"

"It's not my fault only," he teased, "that there's a lion tamer in you…"

Her laughter echoed through the cabin, making the older couple across from them exchange glances and smile. "Hey," she looked at him suggestively, "I couldn't very well let that dainty lady from a hundred years ago," she made reference to the wedding gift, just as he had earlier, "be the only one that could tame …wild beasts…plus," she kissed him, "isn't it more fun…to make the lion roar…"

"Lions, panthers," he joked, mentioning some of the names she'd used for him, "beasts."

"Thank God," she laughed softly before he captured her lips, and briefly indulged in the pleasure of them.

"Thank God indeed," he said and he pulled the blanket over her; fortunately, he'd think later, as his own blanket remained over his lap.

"Derek," she said quietly, "you're not curious…"

"About what," he said, as her hand was on his chest, its simple warmth a gentle caress.

"Why I don't like quickies," she teased, as she recalled his earlier statement and her interrupted answer.

"I know better," he spoke into her ear, a gentle tug with his mouth on her earlobe making her smile.

"Uhmmm…" was her response, as she again remembered the night before.

"Meredith," he whispered, and she delighted that he was truly reading her mind, "what's your favorite memory…of last night?"

"Every second," she said without hesitation, "every…single…second," and lowering her voice to a whisper, "especially…each moment…I felt you deep inside me…"

Her words made him crave their privacy…their intimacy. "You…are not playing fair…"

"Neither are you," she said, and her hand began a determined descent, setting every spot she touched on fire as she whispered, "making me remember…all of last night…"

"Wait," he took a deep breath, as her hand squeezed his thigh and anticipating her next move, he took her hand in his, "till we land…" he whispered seductively, "as soon as…"

"Promises…promises…"

"Promise you… that all I say is true," he whispered, actually sang in her ear, the slight variation to the very popular tune they had heard hours before their insatiable night of passion.

"That's all I ask…of you…" she said as she met his gaze, and the reflection in their eyes was identical, the love they shared a beacon illuminating the path to a symbolical stroll down memory lane and mutual memories of a day neither would ever forget.

_It had been almost ten in the morning by the time they'd left his mother's house the day before. His sisters wanted every last minute with them, Meghan wanted only to sit on Meredith's lap and made her promise she'd be back soon and would spend time playing with her, not her baby sister; Carolyn was happy of the time they'd shared, but most of all that the girl she'd met not long ago had truly become her daughter, that Meredith and Derek's sadness had truly begun to heal and her family was together once again._

_Derek had driven towards an undisclosed location in New York City until Meredith had no choice but to reveal their destination, and once he found out, his grin was as wide as a five year old with unlimited chocolates in front of him, or in Derek's case, his pet frog Hopper. _

"_Mer," he reached for her hand, "you booked us at the same hotel."_

"_I did," she smiled, "it seemed to be something you were looking forward to…and I wanted us to have that…whatever you wanted for last night…we can have tonight."_

"_I love you," he said, and squeezed her hand gently. "Thank you."_

"_We needed this," it was Meredith this time, that in a tender gesture brought their entwined hands to her lips, "just the two of us."_

"_We did," he said, and drove the short block to The Court where they were greeted promptly and shown to their room, while an envelope was placed discreetly in her hand._

"_Derek," she said, as soon as the bellboy left. "Are you crazy, this room must be costing a fortune…I can't believe I didn't ask, when I called yesterday all I said was that it was very important that we have the exact same room you'd requested…but, I had no idea…you are out of your mind…you booked their most expensive suite…Derek, you may not be as thankful after you find out what it probably costs to stay here…but wait, of course you already know that since you booked it for last night…"_

"_Mer," he laughed and cut her off with a kiss, "I had it all planned out…our night…I wasn't thinking of money…just …some time alone…the two of us, I thought we'd need it, after spending time with the family," he said and she detected the hint of melancholy._

"_You know," she kissed him back tenderly, reassuring him that she was indeed fine and loved him for being so thoughtful, for anticipating her emotional well being after the visit at home, "as much as this is surely costing…let's take advantage of every spot in this room," and then deepened the kiss, the one that led to their first round of lovemaking during their stay._

"_How," Derek asked as he held her against him from atop the horse drawn carriage, "did you manage to do all of this? I had no clue…and changing our schedules."_

"_Kathleen," Meredith laughed, and kissed him, "she's an incurable romantic." _

_Derek laughed, "that sounds like Kat, but Cristina…how did you convince her?"_

_Meredith had told him of their conversation, how it had deeply touched her, that both her sister and her person had been concerned for her; for them both, she'd realized when Carolyn had shared Cristina's email. Derek was grateful for their concern over Meredith, but truly amazed that Cristina had mentioned him to his mother as well. They were lucky, he'd told her, to have the support of wonderful family, on both coasts, and they'd both would make a point in the future to express that appreciation. _

_Cristina made it possible to extend their visit by one day, while Kathleen provided the necessary information and support to make Meredith's uncertain ideas of romance become a reality._

"_Were you surprised," Meredith asked him, as they rode through Central Park. The driver, thanks to Kathleen had been secured in advance and was instructed to wait for them at several spots where they'd wanted to linger at, before finally dropping them off three hours after their ride had begun. _

"_Shocked," Derek said in response to one of the emotions he'd experienced when she insisted they had to walk one more block, and there met up with the driver. _

"_Derek," she said, at one of the stops where the driver waited for them, and they strolled hand in hand through Strawberry Fields and reached the Imagine Mosaic in memory of John Lennon. "Did you always know what you wanted…while you grew up I mean?"_

_Derek wrapped his arms around her, "I always knew I wanted to be a doctor," he said, as he kissed the top of her head, "but that's not what you're thinking."_

"_Mind reading again," she sighed in contentment._

"_I just know my wife," he hugged her closer, "and can feel and anticipate when she's going to become emotional and sentimental."_

"_Yeah," she admitted, "it's appropriate I guess…this spot…to imagine…what our lives would be like…without each other."_

"_Empty," he responded instinctively, "and lonely…and one where dreams no longer existed and lack of hope and faith had long ago filled their void."_

"_And fairytales didn't come true," she said softly and felt his arms tighten around her before she turned around, "but now…all of it…all those things are in our lives…because of you…" she said as her eyes glimmered with sentimental tears._

"_Because," he cleared his throat, as emotions welled up in him, "of us."_

_The driver dropped them off at another spot, each of which, Meredith had agreed to following Kathleen's advise via email on their way to the City. Only Carolyn and Kathleen, and by default Kevin knew about their extended stay, and apparently this spot had been Kevin's idea, and wanted Meredith to let him know if he'd been right._

"_Oh my God," Meredith said as she looked up and perched on a rock as if ready to pounce, a rather ferocious looking panther looked down upon them, and she began to laugh, as the bronze statue stared down upon them. _

"_Mer," Derek said, "that's usually not the typical reaction from most people."_

"_It was Kevin," she laughed, "he told Kathleen she should make this one of our stops."_

"_You mean," Derek asked, "Kathleen planned our Central Park itinerary?" _

"_Sort of," Meredith smiled at him sheepishly, "she and your Mom are the only ones who know we're staying and of course she must have told Kevin last night, and I told her what I wanted…for us today…a romantic day…and I thought a carriage ride was so cliché, but she said there were also some romantic spots along the park, and she suggested some…I mean…the romantic part, that was my idea…but she helped…and I agreed with the places she suggested…and this…she said it was Kevin's idea..."_

"_Mer," he wrapped his arms around her again and kissed her, "it's perfect…all of it. Now, we add…romance to my wife's long list of sentimental traits."_

"_I love you," Meredith kissed him back, "and you're always doing things for me…and I haven't…so I wanted this…for us…especially this week."_

"_I love you too," Derek said, "our six month anniversary week," and they become lost in a kiss that spoke of romance and legendary lovers._

_After a romantic picnic lunch prepared by the hotel, and confirmed, as well as the rest of their plans for the day, in the envelope Meredith had received upon check in, they'd given the carriage driver the basket to take back, and Derek thanked him with a generous tip. _

_They strolled along holding hands, talking about their trip; how much, in spite of the inevitable moments of sadness they'd knew would arise, Meredith had enjoyed their visit with family. Both of them agreeing they much preferred this quiet time, rather than a more tourist like visit through the streets and shops of New York._

_Derek laughed at one point, after they'd decided to visit the zoo, "I can't believe Kevin chose that spot, the ass," he said._

"_Derek," Meredith giggled, "I think he did it to make fun of us…the roars…on our honeymoon."_

"_I know he did," he put his arm around her waist. "But, Mer…it's still a bone of contention between him and Kathleen, and when you started laughing it reminded me of the very different reaction she had years ago when they came here together for the first time."_

"_Why?"_

"_She was so pissed at him," Derek chuckled, "they must have been in their early teens, really just friends…and he knew this was here and brought her, and if you're not expecting that ferocious scowl ready for its hunt, I guess it can be a fright. It's called Still Hunt, by the way."_

"_He pretended he'd never seen it…that it was real…"_

"_Yeah," Derek chuckled, "he's going to love your reaction, probably tease Kat to death, that unlike hers, you laughed."_

"_He is an ass," Meredith said, "I'll have to tell him."_

_Derek laughed, "I knew it…once you came home, all of us…the men…were doomed as all of you women stick together."_

"_Derek," she said as they were leaving the zoo, having enjoyed all the obvious innuendos of sexual prowess when they saw the snow leopard, and Derek's teasing that she'd loved the penguins. "Do you think this is something Emma would like to do? I promised I'd spend a special day with her when we visited again."_

"_I think Emma would love anytime you spend with her," Derek told her as they continued to stroll hand in hand, as they'd done most of the day, "where you are won't matter."_

"_I know," Meredith said, concern evident in her tone, "but I told her next time I'd spend some special time with her, and it's going to be when we come back for the baptism, and there probably won't be any time and she'll go back to thinking I don't like her…and…"_

"_Mer," he stopped walking and turned her to face him, "she snuck out of Alice's to come spend time with you…cuddle with you before we left," he caressed her face, "I don't think you have to worry about that, all the kids liked you…and she and Jenna's little ones loved you."_

"_You mean…" Meredith chewed on her lower lip, "the other ones probably don't like me as much…I mean Amanda and Rebecca...they didn't care about spending more time…"_

"_Mer," he chuckled, "those two had you agree they could come spend time with us in the summer…both of them, together, for a week…I don't think they dislike you."_

"_I guess," Meredith rolled her eyes, "I shouldn't worry…they just met me…and you're right, they wanted to spend time with us…because of you probably…"_

"_Meredith," he kissed her, an ordinary occurrence for hundreds of couples each day, but for them it was a day filled with sentimental and romantic gestures as she kissed him back and made him lose his train of thought completely, before he said, "they want to spend time with us, because of you…Aunt Pat was right, the kids never cared about cuddling in bed with me before, or coming to visit…" he smiled at her tenderly and cupped her face, "it's you love…all because of you."_

"_The wicked witch with fake read hair," Meredith smiled. "I like her," she said, "I like Aunt Pat a lot."_

"_She liked you a lot too," he said, and as they continued walking, heard the musical clock signal that it was four o'clock, and Meredith laughed delightfully at the sound of the nursery rhyme. _

"_Three blind mice," Meredith giggled, "Derek that is priceless… very fitting, don't you think…after all the beasts we've come across today?"_

"_Beasts," he teased, "what about your favorites…the waddling penguins."_

"_Derek, they were adorable…and yes, they were my favorites."_

"_Their waddle reminded me of Jenna," he joked._

"_That is horrible," Meredith smacked him playfully, "really…is that what you're going to say about me...laugh at me…"_

"_If," he stopped her, "you're pregnant with …"_

"_Derek," she smiled at him, and corrected him, "when…I'm pregnant…and waddling…"_

"_You'll be nothing but beautiful to me," he said tenderly._

"_I'm going to waddle," she smiled, "I know it…Jenna does too, and it's cute actually, but you can't make fun…cause I'm sure it's no picnic carrying around thirty extra pounds…"_

"_Mer," he joked, "I hardly think we'll have a thirty pound baby…"_

"_I know you jerk," she told him, "but…I'll be fat and probably gain at least thirty pounds, even if it's only a seven pound baby…and you'll be stuck with …"_

"_I love you Meredith," he said suddenly, and she saw the emotions on his face._

"_Hey," she in turn cupped his face and kissed him softly, "what's wrong?"_

"_Nothing," he said, as he pursed his lips and shook his head lightly, "nothing."_

"_Ah…" she leaned into him, kissed him again, "I can anticipate your emotions too…"_

"_Uhmmm…" he said in a barely audible response._

"_We've come a long way," she said, "this week…and we're going to be just fine," she said, "Meredith and Derek fine…one day…when we start our family."_

"_We will," he said, amazed at her insight; amazed with the healing that was taking place in their hearts, that they could tease and joke, and dream of the future children to come._

"_Derek," she exclaimed, with a smile, "look…"_

"_I take it," he teased, "you'd like one?"_

"_Please," she said flirtatiously, "pretty please…"_

"_Come on," he laughed, and holding her hand led her to their destination._

"_I love," Meredith said as she savored her chocolate flavored hand dipped ice cream, and took a small bite of the cone, "this," she said with just a hint of a moan, "try it…you know you want to…there's nothing better than licking an ice cream cone…"_

"_I'm not sure about that," Derek teased her, "I mean…I can think of many other…"_

"_Derek Shepherd," she turned bossy on him, "that is …well…just plain…wrong…"_

"_Really," he said suggestively._

"_Yes…I mean…I love ice cream cones…and next time we're here, if your nieces are with us…and one day, if our kids are with us, and you know I'm going to want ice cream…you just …you can't say those things…around kids."_

"_But, Meredith," he teased her, "they won't have any idea what I'm talking about…"_

"_But," she said, and giggled, "I will…"_

"_So," he said, and did as she suggested, licking her ice cream cone, "since you know…what I'm talking about…what do you say…"_

"_Yes," she said, and kissed him hard, "yes…"_

"_I thought," he chuckled, "you might see it that way," as she grabbed his hand and they walked briskly to find the first cab back to the hotel where the sounds of multiple orgasmic pleasures in the late afternoon welcomed the early evening hours._

"_Derek," hurry up, she called to him as she finished getting dressed while he was still in the bathroom, "the performance starts at eight, and we can't be late."_

"_It's your fault," he yelled out, "who kept wanting…"_

"_Shut up," she said, "and dry your hair, I don't hear the dryer…"_

"_Smart ass," he called out, "I dried my hair while you mysteriously disappeared," he said referring to the fifteen minutes she'd been gone to call Kathleen._

"_Fine," she said, as she put on her boots, "we have ten minutes to leave here if we're going to be on time."_

"_I'm ready," he said, as he walked out of and each was mesmerized by the other._

"_My favorite red shirt," she smiled seductively._

"_You…" he paused, "you look beautiful…you wore that tonight…" he said appreciatively, as she stood in front of him, dressed in the soft black leather skin tight pants, black blouse, short leather jacket and black high heeled boots._

"_It's what you wanted to see me wearing," she said. "I wanted to please you…"_

"_You always please me," he said as he bridged the distance between them, and reached to cradle her head in his hands, to gently stroke her hair. _

"_So do you," she said as her lips came close to his, "always…"_

_She pretended to model the black leather outfit for him and saw the instant look of desire as his eyes perused her body, and she walked up to him and smiled._

"_You really did like this outfit, didn't you," she smiled seductively, remembering the look on his face when she first tried it on._

"_We," he took a deep breath, "we'll never get out of here…"_

"_We have tonight," she said, "all night…"_

"_Meredith," he said, as they spoke at their seats, a few minutes before the performance was due to begin, "these are prime seats…how did you manage to get them?"_

"_I followed your wishes," she teased him, as caressed his hand._

"_Which?"_

"_To spend your money," she giggled quietly, "our money…"_

"_How?"_

"_Your American Express," she smiled, "Concierge services."_

"_And you asked them for this play in particular?"_

"_Yes and no. I asked Kathleen first, and told her I wanted something my husband would consider very romantic."_

"_Ah…" he smiled, and as the theater lights were dimmed completely, he kissed her neck, and his lips bit her playfully, in a spot where no traces of the gentle bite would be seen with her hair down, "perfect choice," he said just as the curtain was raised and the familiar tune of the current longest play on Broadway was played._

"_I understand now," she said during the intermission, while they shared an intimate moment away from everyone, "because of you …that song has so much meaning…but the play, it's sad…The Phantom…a life without love…" she said, "that's how I felt…before you came into life."_

_His hands were resting around her waist and he pressed himself intimately against her, lowering his hands to caress her hips and lower for a moment, as he whispered the tune, amended to his needs, "__say you'll share with me one love, one lifetime…say you need me with you here, beside you... that's all I ask of you__."_

"_I love you," Meredith whispered back the lyrics, without the benefit of song, "share each day with me, each night, each morning..."_

"_I love you," he said, just as the end of the song asked, and added, "I adore you…"_

_They rode back to the hotel after the end of the performance longing to be alone, barely able to keep their hands off the other, though they did, and he spent the endless ride whispering tender endearments and even more suggestive ideas of what he'd been dreaming of doing ever since she bought the black leather outfit in Italy._

_She surprised him, as they walked in the hotel and said, "meet me in five minutes, at the Wet Bar," but he did as she asked._

_The bar's lighting was conducive to a sleek seductive ambiance, and as soon as he walked in, a hostess looked him up and down appreciatively, but he smiled dismissively and went to sit at one of the stools at the bar. _

"_So…is this a good place to hang out," he heard her familiar voice purr in his ear._

"_I wouldn't know," he said playing her game; a third variation to their original and fateful meeting. "Never been here before."_

"_Oh you know what? I haven't either. First time here. I'm new in town. Never been to New York before," she said, and he smiled at her, as he cocked his head when she sat on the stool next to him._

"_So…what brings you here?" Derek asked as a shot of tequila was placed in front of her and single malt double scotch for him._

_Meredith thought back to their first meeting, and then to Cernobbio; a seductive smile on her face as she sipped her drink._

"_You're ignoring me," Meredith said, as Derek tried to control his laughter since she had leaned into him, purposely brushing her breasts against him. _

"_Trying to," he said, wondering, for about five seconds, where she wanted this to lead, given she'd placed her hand on his thigh and gently squeezed it, before massaging lightly as she worked her way higher._

"_You shouldn't ignore me," she said and her face was barely inches away from his._

"_Why not?" he asked._

"_Because …" she changed the course of the first night, "you'll love me…"_

"_Really?" Derek smiled, ready to end their game and take her to their room._

"_Oh, yes," she said, and the look in their eyes spoke of healing and commitment and deep and abiding love and trust._

"_So I don't even know you…but you think I'll love you," he said smiling at her, their perfect and uniquely private smile, "why is that?"_

"_Because," she said as turned to him, her leg rubbing against his thigh, and wrapped her arms around his waist, "I have a feeling…"_

"_What kind of feeling," he whispered upon her lips._

"_A magical feeling," she said, closing the distance between them and placing her lips on his, "that I know…what's going to happen…that in just a split second your life changes forever."_

"_Magical…" he said, "you think so…"_

"_I know so," she said, repeating the exact words he had said to her, almost six months before in a small bar in Lake Como, with very small variations, "that a split second changes our life…and when I saw you sitting there, that night, I had no idea…but Derek, you changed my life…you changed my life forever," she said as tears gathered in his eyes._

"_You changed mine," he said, the glimmer of unshed tears holding every emotion they felt for each other, "and I was never the same… I found my soul mate." _

"_That night," she said, and got up and stood by him, her hand extended to him, "was the best night of my life…because I found you."_

"_It was the best of mine…until so many other nights, like tonight…all because of you," he said, exactly as she had told him that other night in a bar, in Lake Como._

"_Derek," she smiled as he brushed her lips with his, and teased her as his tongue slid briefly inside her mouth, "is this how you planned tonight to go?"_

"_Not at all," he whispered, "I still have to see you naked," and taking her hand, they walked out of the bar and went to their suite._

_Spent, sated and well satisfied, they lay breathlessly in bed naked. "So…did me wearing that black leather outfit…"_

"_Don't forget the boots," he teased._

"_Did it meet your expectations," she said suggestively, as they entwined their hand; a permanent smile on their faces._

"_Oh yes," he said, in a low hoarse voice as he turned to her, "it exceeded every one of my fantasies…"_

"_So…it was more than just taking it off me and seeing me naked," she laughed._

"_You know it was," he said as he kissed her, "your idea was a lot better…"_

"_I thought so too…" she told him, referring back to the day they'd shopped together, and he insisted she try it on and bought it, "you just wanted to see me naked…I couldn't wait for the hot …wild…passionate…sex…" and both burst out laughing and he quickly covered her naked body with his._

"_Meredith," he said, a while later, "what do you like best…"_

"_About sex…" she said breathlessly._

"_Yeah…silent sex…or…" he joked._

"_Definitely not," she laughed delightedly, "in favor of noise restrictions…not really conducive to taming my insatiable beast…"_

"_Mer…" he said, as he brought her body against his, "there's somebody at the door…it's your turn to get it."_

"_My turn," she laughed, "after I've tamed …"_

"_That's why…" he said, "I've got no energy left," and their laughter filled the room._

"_I'm starving," she said, "that's the only reason I'm getting the door," and started to get her robe, but he pinned her down and kissed her._

"_I was kidding," he said, "I'm not making you get up…I'll get the door," and they spent the next hour devouring the food they'd ordered. After all, she'd reminded him, they had not had time earlier to eat before going to the theater; and then the rest of the night devouring each other._

The voice of the flight attendant woke them as they heard, "we've started our descent and should be landing in Seattle shortly. Please make sure your seat belts are fastened…"

"I've never understood," Meredith said with a groggy voice, her eyes still closed, "why they say that…because…really…that shortly is like forty minutes…and they could let us sleep another twenty minutes…"

"You've been sleeping…and snoring…for about four hours," he teased her.

"How do you know I was snoring, if you were sleeping?"

"Mer," he kissed her first, "the whole aircraft heard your snores…I literally had to keep them away…they wanted to throw you off the airplane…but…"

"Jerk," she giggled and kissed him back.

"Mer," he caressed her face, "I'm teasing…you actually slept without snoring…after we had breakfast."

"Really…"

"Uhmmmm…"

"Derek, I don't really snore that much anymore…you've told me."

"I love to tease you…and you're right…you don't."

"You know what I think," she said as she reached for his hand and held it in hers, caressing him tenderly.

"What…" he said, as their gazes met.

"It's you…"

"Me…" he said, "I make you snore…"

"No…" she said, and kissed him softly again, "when I'm happy…and relaxed…I don't think I snore as much…"

"Uhmmm…" Derek smiled, that may be true for the first fifteen minutes after falling asleep, and it was true, that if she was tired and stressed she snored a lot more. But why burst her bubble, he almost laughed, especially since she thought he was responsible for keeping her happy, "so you were happy…and relaxed as you slept."

"I was…" she said.

"Want to tell me why?"

"I was thinking…" she said, "or maybe dreaming…of last night…did you…think about it…" she asked, uncharacteristically shy.

"Oh…yes…" he told her, "never likely to forget it…my wife…the lion tamer," they both smiled, "my romantic…enchanting…seductive…sentimental…beautiful wife…"

"Oh Derek," she said, as her eyes filled with sentimental tears.

"My priceless treasure," he added, as she buried her face in his neck.

"I love you so much," she said. "You're my priceless treasure too…for always."

Less than an hour later, the elevator doors opened as Meredith and Derek shared one last kiss, an enthusiastic kiss some would say, before their work day began.

"Oh great…I've been stuck here for twenty four hours straight thanks to you, and you're still being Mcdreamied in the elevator. What did I give up my two days off for? Wasn't that long enough for you?"

"Hi Cristina," Meredith smiled.

"Save it…" Cristina said, "I need sleep," but followed the couple to the resident's lounge, where Meredith and Derek shared one more kiss before Meredith pushed the door open, but her friend stayed behind.

"She's ok," Cristina stated.

"She's ok," Derek said. "Thank you Cristina, for caring."

"She's my person," she shrugged.

"I know," Derek said. "I'm glad you're always there for her, especially when I wasn't."

"Derek," she said, before she went in to talk to Meredith. "I'm glad she has you…that you found each other…I can help…but it's you she needs, it's always been you she wants...you that makes her feel safe."

Derek nodded, "she needs you too…you're our family," he said in response, and both understood he too knew about her concern for his emotional well being during their visit back East, and she understood that Meredith would always be his priority, that he had redeemed himself completely in her eyes.

"Start talking," Cristina said as she plopped down on the lounge chair, "you have that Mcdreamied...I've been laid so many times I've lost count smile…it's the least you can do…I haven't had sex in months."

Meredith's laughter warmed Cristina's heart. Her friend was indeed becoming whole and healed.

"You're ok…" Cristina said to her, in one of the rare moments of emotional intimacy she allowed herself, "both of you are."

"We are," Meredith said, as she sat next to her friend, ready to begin the work day, "and I know you care…about him too…"

"He makes you happy…I know that…I get that now."

"I love you Cristina Yang," Meredith said as she smiled at her, and to her surprise, Cristina Yang hugged her; another first as true bonds of friendship and family were further strengthened between two more people brought together by fate at Seattle Grace.

_A/N – 9JAN10 - The Phantom of the Opera premiered on Jan 9, 1988 and became Broadway's longest running show ever when it overtook the record set by Cats with its 7,486th performance on January 6th 2006. It is the only Broadway show ever to reach its 21 birthdays with the 22__nd__, very appropriately today. All I Ask of You, is one of my favorite songs, I hope you like the choice._

_Missre, thank you for your continued support and enthusiasm of this story since chapter five! Your comment about NYC convinced me I as on the right track with the play I had in mind, and helped me decide to show…their visit in NYC, thank you…the song was perfect indeed, and will undoubtedly be witness to many more intimate moments between them._

Lots of author comments on this one. I normally go back to some scenes I've written, and in a couple cases, as it will be in this chapter, I will refer to a very specific scene that I've previously written Well, to my surprise, part of the dialogue that I wrote for a scene, back in Chapter 155 posted on February 9 said this:

"_Sometimes…in life," he said, "that split second changes our life…and when I saw you sitting there, that night, __you changed my life__…you changed my life forever," he said as tears gathered in his eyes._

"_You changed mine," she said, the glimmer of unshed tears holding every emotion she felt for him, "and I was never the same… I found love."_

"_That night," he said, and got up and stood by her, his hand around her waist, and whispered in her ear, "was the best night of my life…because I found you."_

Seems like I had similar thoughts as Meredith's voice over…one tiny one…but…got a kick out of it…because I used the same sentence she did months later in the May 15th episode, "Did you say it? I love you… you changed my life."


	204. Chapter 204

_A/N 25 January, 2010 – It's exactly two years since I began posting on here, and really wanted to have an update today but not too much time to write, so, it's not as long as usual, but hope you will enjoy it. Yes, there's a part 2…_

_Thank you to each of you that has so graciously continued to read this story, I was amazed and humbled that there were so many readers for the last chapter, which actually had the most number of comments of any one chapter in this entire story._

_I've caught up with comments to all the readers and you know how very much it means. __Thank you !!! Some of you don't have link and I'm not able to respond: Dusko, thanks so much for your comment, you're on the right track…but not just yet. Carolina thank you, it means so very much to read that you have enjoyed reading about their journey and based on your comment, I think you will be happy with where it leads, Maureen as always, thank you! As for Mark traveling, I'm leaning to not this time, but still undecided. _

_**Chapter 192 – "Should I Stay or…"**_

Meredith and Derek spent the rest of the day enduring their friends' taunting and teasing, and took it all in stride, ignoring or acknowledging their comments accordingly, and not necessarily as expected, leaving them both marveling at how much they'd truly healed in the last six months of marriage.

"Looks like Maggie was wrong," Mark drawled as walked up to Derek, and saw his friend using eye drops to soothe the tired eyes.

"About what," Derek mumbled.

"Roaring lions," Mark grinned.

"Is your sex life so lacking," Derek told him, "you have to talk about mine? That you've become a meddling gossip?"

"Hey," Mark told him, "it's not my fault your sisters can't keep their mouth shut."

"Huh," Derek smirked, "because you discourage their comments and don't add any of your own."

"They're your sisters and hey…it's their fault I like to gossip, too many years around them. Plus, they kept in touch with me when you didn't want to talk to me…and they're…"

"I know." Derek acknowledged the unspoken words, "they're practically your sisters too."

"Maggie emailed after you guys left," Mark laughed, "and said she didn't know why such a big deal was made out of the two of you being loud…they didn't hear a peep out of your room."

"Busybody," Derek kept walking.

"What the hell was that about…Grey refused to have sex with you at your moms?"

"Married secrets," Derek chuckled.

"Shep," Mark whined, "that's just wrong…how did you manage? Because, I sure as hell know that look…and you've not been deprived of sex with Grey for one minute."

"Hi Mark," Meredith said as she turned the corner and saw him with her husband.

"How'd you do it?" Mark whispered.

"Do what?" Meredith asked him as she looked over to Derek, who just shook his head.

"Have silent sex with Shep at his mom's?"

"You told him," Meredith blurted out.

Mark laughed, "I knew it."

"You didn't tell him," Meredith said with a guilty frown, "did you?"

"But you did," Mark said and hugged her. "I just won a bet."

"You were betting on this with Maggie?" Derek asked incredulously.

"Yeah," Mark said, "and Jenna, Rob and Mike."

"You've got to be joking," Meredith said.

"That's pathetic," Derek said as he put his arm around Meredith. "Don't you have anything else to do?"

"What about the others?" Meredith asked with a hint of amusement, causing Derek to raise an eyebrow.

"Well, Jenna sent out the email," Mark smiled sheepishly, "we figured you couldn't get too angry at a pregnant woman, especially since you're going to be a godmother and Derek has never been able to get angry at her."

"You actually wasted time making bets about our sex life," Meredith stated.

"Yang and Lexie also talked about it," he said, hoping to share some of her anger.

"Derek is right," Meredith told him, "that's pathetic," and turned to Derek and kissed him hard on the mouth. "Wanna join me in an on call room," Meredith said suggestively and teasingly to Derek, "we haven't had sex in how many hours?"

"That display," Mark said to them, "was embarrassing…really, and Yang was right you're both high on a mcdreamied overdose, and obviously found plenty of time for the mcnasty."

"You've been talking to Cristina and Lexie," Meredith asked him, "gossiping about this…and when did you have time to see Cristina?"

"We had coffee," Mark told her.

"She went home," Meredith countered, "right after I saw her."

"I had coffee for her and Lexie," Mark said, "so we talked."

"Mark Sloan," Meredith told him, "you had better stop gossiping about us…and wait till I get my hands on Lexie…if she thinks that's what being a good sister is about…"

"Hi Mer, Derek," right on cue, Lexie walked up to them smiling.

"Lexie Grey," Meredith turned to face her, "you've been gossiping about us…to Mark…and you think that's being a good sister…"

"She was being a good sister," Mark stopped her. "They both were," he had seen a different side of Yang, not enough to make her human he thought, too intense for his liking, but she was definitely someone who cared about Meredith Grey.

"Gossiping about us…really…all three of you," Meredith challenged as Derek saw the concerned glances exchanged between Mark and Lexie.

"Meredith," Mark said, and both she and Derek took notice of the rarely used first name, "they were both worried about you, we all were."

"Mer," Derek said as he put his arm around her. "I don't think they were gossiping," he said and earned Meredith's glare, "well maybe a little."

"Meredith," Lexie looked at Mark first, "Mark's right, we were worried when didn't hear from you when, didn't answer calls or texts and it wasn't gossiping…well not before Maggie talked to Mark…but both Cristina and I…you know that already, since we spoke the other evening…but, it was Mark who told us…that you were ok…that he'd talked to you, everyone really when he'd been part of the conversation …rather the champagne toast."

Meredith took a deep breath, and accepted her sister's sincerity, "I know you were concerned about how I would handle the visit, and it really does mean a lot to me…to both of us, that all three of you care. But, what I don't understand," she lowered her voice, "is why are you talking about our sex life…and," she didn't want her to think she was mad, "please tell me I don't ramble like you just did," she teased her.

"Mer," Derek chuckled, "you really do."

Lexie lowered her voice as well, "Mer…Maggie…she said she didn't know what the big deal was, always making fun of how loud the two of you…well…anyway, we kind of joked about it…on email…"

"Derek," Meredith said as she winked at him, "you have got to do something, we have a family …both our families, clear across the country from each other, are meddlers…"

"You think," Derek joked, "I have any control over my sisters and yours," Meredith reached for his hand and squeezed it gently, she knew about Cristina's comment to him, and loved that he was including her when he spoke of sisters, "and Mark?"

"What," Meredith said, "exactly did Jenna's email say?"

"Only that you were quiet as a church mouse and no need for earplugs," Mark said, "which I found hard to believe, and that she'd bet money we made up all those roaring lion stories…"

Derek chuckled, "and that was the beginning of the bet…"

"Shep," Mark smirked, "kind of hard not to…"

"Really" Meredith challenged as she leaned into Derek, and his hand immediately went to her hip, his hands a welcome caress.

"What was your bet Lexie?" Derek asked.

"I didn't bet. Derek…she's my sister…I don't bet about my sister…and…we were concerned, Cristina and I, and Izzie and George too…even Alex, and Mark was just as anxious to know how things were until he talked to you."

"So," Derek said, as his hand remained on the curve of Meredith's hip, "who won?"

Meredith giggled, "I bet Mark did."

"Not sure yet," Mark said, "Yang's keeping track."

"Cristina," Meredith said, "that conniving... no wonder she wanted to know all about being McDreamied," she laughed, "oh…but I wish Id' known," she turned to Derek, "I'd have lied, or ask for a cut," she said and the four of them laughed.

"Meredith," Mark said in an unusually serious tone, "you get that we were really weren't sure, how you'd feel…with Jenna being pregnant…so close…you know..."

"I do," Meredith told him, "I do know, and we both understand. Thank you."

"Meredith," Mark continued in a gentle tone, "and…now…that you're going to be the godmother…do you understand how much it meant to me to be a godfather?"

"I do," Meredith uncharacteristically hugged Mark as she told him, "you'll have your chance."

"You…" he looked at her, "you're not…wait…you're kind of irrational…you have been during this conversation…but… no…I'd know…so you're not…"

"I'm not," she said, "and when I am…the next time I'm pregnant, which won't be for a while," she reached for Derek's hand, "you'll be one of the first to know."

"Unless," Mark smiled at her, "I just look at you…and know…"

"There could be that," she smiled.

"You're ok," Mark said, "both of you."

"Yeah," Derek said, and brought her close against him, "we are. Thank you, both of you…all of you here, we appreciated your concern."

The rest of the day was a drag for Meredith. However, she would not give up a single second of their extended stay in New York, even when she'd had to agree to all of Bailey's rescheduled changes, and that meant she was on for three consecutive twelve-hour shifts. But, the worst thing was Derek's unforeseen VIP patient scheduled to arrive from Chicago at midnight, with surgery immediately following, and since it was a procedure requiring several hours, they'd effectively given up being at home; alone together on the night of their sixth month wedding anniversary.

"Izzie," Meredith left a voice mail in the early afternoon, "please call me. My shift ends at eleven tonight and I need your help."

"Mer," Izzie walked up to her shortly after the phone call. "You're back, how was it? Was Mcbitchy as bad as when she was here?"

"It was a lovely visit," Meredith smiled. "Wonderful in fact."

"Mer," Izzie said, eyes wide and usual perky tone, "you're putting me on?"

"No," Meredith told her, "it truly was."

"Mcbitchy was nice?"

"I really didn't know what to expect, especially from Nancy, but the whole family was very welcoming, and Izzie, oh my God…he has an aunt, that's a nun," Meredith started to tell her and they shared a few laughs over the fifteen minutes of her break, as well as securing Izzie's help for her evening plans.

"Hey," Meredith heard his voice as she stood in front of the surgical board; she was now scheduled for an appendectomy at eight. "I'm going home, try to get a few hours of sleep before I come back here tonight."

"I know," she smiled as he nuzzled her neck. "Will I see you at home, before you come back here tonight?"

"I'm going to get bite to eat with Mark and he's going to drop me off at home, that way you have the car when your shift ends," he put his arms around her. "We'll have a few minutes alone," he kissed her neck, "before I have to come back in."

"I wish we had tonight together," she sighed.

"Me too," he said as he released his hold on her and reached for her hand, "come with me," he said and they walked to his office and as soon as the door was closed behind them, captured her lips.

A soft moan escaped her, "Derek…not fair…no time…"

"I know," he said, as he kissed her again; slipping his tongue between her lips, playfully, teasingly…enticingly until both knew they had to stop; but neither was willing or able to do so.

Alex Karev happened to be walking by Derek's office and heard the unmistakable, and regrettably, familiar recognizable sounds of two very satisfied lovers. It also made him insist on changing his bet; there was no way in hell those two could have sex in silence.

"Happy," she said as he helped tie the drawstring on hers scrubs, "early anniversary."

Derek smiled and kissed. "We may not be together tonight…but…at least…we got a little prelude," he said, and she smiled at his choice of words.

"Mer…you have that look…that secretive smile…"

"No I don't…"

"Yes," he said, and cupped her face and kissed her, a lingering kiss, "you do."

"Maybe…" she agreed and nibbled playfully at his lips.

"Tell me," he said as his hands rested on her hips and brought her closer to him, pressing himself intimately against her.

"I'll give you a hint," she smiled seductively. "Prelude…"

"Prelude…that's what I said…"

"Yes…"

"I just meant…"

"I know what you meant," she smiled, "you'll have to wait and see what I mean…"

"That's not fair," he pouted.

"You're pouting," she giggled, "it's a sexy pout," she teased him and brushed his lips with hers and before they left his office made sure there was no doubt her husband knew how very much she loved him and looking forward to what she'd planned for later.

Meredith drove home several hours later and frowned when she walked in to find the house in total darkness; she'd expected Derek to be waiting for her and felt a bit of disappointment until she walked to their bedroom and a small gasp escaped her when she opened the door.

"Derek," she said softly as she met her husband's gaze and smiled, "this is …"

"Hopefully…romantic," he smiled as he walked up to her and embraced her.

"Very romantic," she smiled, and looked around the dimly illuminated bedroom, where the only light was provided by a couple of candles, and the same type of lighting was visible through the door that led to the bathroom, "did you know…you were going to do this, earlier…when I saw you?"

"Uhmmm…" was his response as he kissed her and began to undress her.

"Don't you have to go," she asked, as his hands continued to remove every article of clothing she wore, and his lips followed a determined path, and she moaned softly when she felt his mouth on her breast.

"Flight's running fifteen minutes late, I have to be at the hospital by twelve fifteen, they're going to call me as soon as they land in Seattle, I'll have ten minutes to get to the hospital."

"So…" she smiled as her hands found their way to his chest, caressing him, delighting in the fact that he was wearing nothing under his robe, but he stopped her.

"This," he said, "is about you…" and he led her to the bathroom where he'd just finished drawing her bath, and she could smell the lavender as he held her hand and she got in the tub.

"Are you joining me?"

"I am," he said, "we haven't fully enjoyed this…your gift," he said, referring to all the products he'd surprised her with months before; the first gift he'd ever bought her.

"We can certainly change that," she said and allowed her body to relax against him as he slid in the tub behind her and held her.

"As much," he said, "as I'd like to do that…I have less than a half hour to leave here, so for now," he nuzzled her neck and started raining kisses along the curve of her neck, "right now…I'm just going to help my wife…with her bath…" and he did, and they teased each other playfully, seductively with their touch and their words, "remember…I have experience with baths…that are only baths," he said and loved to hear her giggle.

They had indeed found the path to healing, evident by their ability to joke about a time of their lives where all had not been perfect, where insecurities and doubts had reigned, but now had all been replaced by their love for each other and the unshakeable strength of their commitment.

"Yes," she giggled, "you certainly do…but Derek…" she said as she felt his hands on her body, and it was obvious they were both remembering one particular bath long ago, the setting similar with candles surrounding them, yet all was totally different.

"Uhmmm…"

"You also," she smiled and then a satisfied moan as his hands continued to roam.

"I also…" he said and loved her quiet moan as his mouth sucked gently on her skin.

"I forgot," she said, as his hands made every inch of skin he touched tingle in anticipation.

"What if I remind you," he said, biting her ear lobe, "later…"

"That's," she said, and turned her face up to his, and he captured her lips, and then much later, breathlessly, "what …I was thinking…and…our honeymoon…that bath…"

"I thought," he said, once he'd helped her out of the tub and dried her off, and each word he murmured held a pause as he kissed spots only he knew could set her on fire, "since I can't be with you…to celebrate the first second of this anniversary…I could at least…tuck you in…knowing you'll be waiting for me…to come," she silenced him and kissed him, and it was much later when he smiled at her and said, "home."

Derek stood over his patient, methodically and concisely discussing the options and next steps with the team as they approached the second hour of surgery. They'd rushed the patient into surgery at exactly twelve twenty five and it was now almost one forty in the morning. Suddenly, a few minutes later, he knew, she was close by and before he had a chance to look up or wonder why Bokey, one of his favorite nurses, had walked away from the table, music echoed through the walls of the operating room, and his heart was overwhelmed by emotion.

"At last…" the soulful voice of Etta James filled the room, "my love has come along," and he looked up, for a brief second, all he could afford, and met Meredith's gaze through the scrub room's glass pane.

"Bokey," Derek said, "I believe there's a romantic in you…"

"Not me Dr. Shepherd," she said as her smile reached her eyes, and he saw the amusement behind the glasses.

"Thank you," Derek said, as the song came to an end, and he was surprised yet again, "and you were mine…at last," when he heard, "No more talk of darkness…forget these wide- eyed fears," and blinked rapidly as he felt the sting of sentimental tears and looked up to see Meredith's glimmering gaze, even from a distance he knew she too felt what he did, and locked gazes with the equally sentimental teary eyes.

What Derek couldn't see or didn't know was that his wife was fully scrubbed in, and right before the next and last song she'd selected was played, thanks to Izzie's help, she was fully gowned with her mask in place and walked over to him, as he heard the guitar string and then lyrics to a well loved song, "Darling you gotta let me know, should I stay or should I go?"

Meredith stood next to him and he smiled at the scent of her; lavender. The song played out and once it was over, and the room filled with silence again, their eyes met, the smiles hidden behind their masks clearly visible to everyone in the room and she raised an eyebrow in search of an answer, and with a brief pause he leaned in to touch their faces, nose to nose, mouths barely touching but enough for them to remember this as one of their most romantic and beginnings to a memorable anniversary celebration.

"Happy anniversary," she said, before she whispered. "I love you."

"I love you Meredith," he said loud enough for all to hear, and before quickly returning to his patient's surgery, "happy anniversary."

Meredith backed away from him and smiled, "thank you Bokey."

"Anytime Mrs. Shepherd," the nurse told her with a wink, "it was my pleasure."

"Dr. Grey," one of the others in the room asked, "have you changed your name?"

"No," Meredith said, "still Dr. Grey," and she felt Derek's eyes on her, "but no doubt that it's always Mrs. Shepherd."

A couple of people laughed, they were all part Derek's favorite team and thus, none felt they had to hold back, some had even given him numerous glaring and disapproving stares over the Rose fiasco, or as Bokey had told him once, his stupidity, "well done…staking your claim to McDreamy."

"I think" Meredith laughed, "by now, everyone knows that, we have been married six months."

"Oh that they do," one of the younger interns said, "especially after this afternoon."

"Crap," Meredith mumbled, while Derek laughed.

"Actually," Bokey said, "her claim to McDreamy happened long before their wedding."

"Dr. Grey," Derek teased her, "would you like to stay? Wait for me to go home?"

"I'd love to," she said as their eyes met.

Meredith had indeed stayed and found an on-call room to get some sleep. Several hours later she felt her husband's lips on hers, "hey…sleeping beauty…or should I say…my sentimental…romantic…sleeping beauty…"

"Uhmmm…Derek…you've finished?" she asked groggily.

"I am," he said as he joined her in bed and held her. "I love you."

"I love you too," she snuggled into his embrace. "What time's it?"

"Almost six…" he said, "another hour…before sunrise."

"Uhmm…love you," she said as she reached to entwine their fingers.

"Mer…I loved what you did…how did you manage it? Who was in on it?"

"Derek," she mumbled, "sleepy…talk…later…"

"Meredith," he insisted as he nuzzled her neck, kissing her softly, "I have a surprise for you...but you have to wake up."

"Derek," she whined, "it's too early…and we haven't slept in two nights."

"I know this place where there's an amazing view of sunrise over the ferryboats," he whispered and felt her tremble slightly in his arms before she turned to face him.

"Where it all began," she said and he saw the sentimental tears in her eyes, "the night we truly began to fall in love…"

"It was," he told her, "I knew then…without any doubts, that I wanted you in my life," he said and she kissed him as she completely forgot how early it was.

"Derek," she smiled as her lips found his once again, before she said, "take me for a ride…"

_* I don't know if technically they would be able kiss, touch, while wearing their masks, and retain the sterility necessary, but it's fiction…and we've seen worse on Grey's! The sunrise on that September anniversary would have been at 7:03 in the morning._


	205. Chapter 205

_A/N Thanks for reading and especially to those of you that commented (not too many that last chapter, though her romantic overture in the OR is one of my favorites). This chapter has a bit of foreshadowing, not necessarily what you may expect, and continues to move the story toward the final chapters._

_**Chapter 193 – Married Bliss**_

"Derek," Meredith whispered breathlessly, suggestively, as she smiled down at him, "you can't be…"

"Ready," he said, equally breathless, "for another ride…" and their carefree laughter filled the confines of his car, and then his hands cradled her face as his lips met hers.

"My…" she said upon his lips, as she continued to straddle him, "insatiable…panther…"

"Not so old," he chuckled, "tonight…" and captured her mouth.

"Not old at all," she said, and giggled at something he said. "I'm game…but…I never…ever want to tame the beast…I prefer him…always…ready to pounce."

"Meredith…" he said huskily, "you don't want to take on the challenge," he said as he teased her, his tongue on her breast; his mouth on her nipple.

"What do you think," she felt his arousal against her, "I'll definitely take on the challenge, but right now…I want to …"

"Uhmmm…you want to what…"

"Unleash…the beast…"

"I think," Derek said in a low hoarse voice, as he took a deep breath when her hand caressed the length of him. "Mer…"

"Amazing night," she whispered and smiled as she saw the look on his face, his reaction to the lustful promises to be fulfilled, "and…almost…morning…" and then her lips teased his before their tongues began the age old mating dance; slow and tender, the prelude to insatiable desire; the prelude to untamed desire.

Much as he'd done the first time they'd made love in a car, he'd discarded the shirt she now wore and his mouth found the swell of her breast, "fond memories…aren't they?"

"Unforgettable," her voice sounded a bit hoarse, as she was truly exhausted and lay her head on his shoulder, "every single ride…with you…" and he chuckled as his hands caressed her naked back.

"Let me take you home," he hugged her close to him, "you need some sleep."

"Derek," she lifted her head to meet his gaze, "did you ever imagine…that first time, when Bailey found us…it would be more than …just sex…"

"It was never," he said, as he cupped her face, and they were barely inches apart, "just sex…with you…you know that…"

"Soul mates…" she whispered.

"Soul mates…" he said reverently.

"I love you," Meredith brushed his lips.

"I adore you…"

"Need to have one up on me," she teased.

"No," he teased back, "because…you adore me too…"

"You think…" she smiled.

"I know…"

"You do know," she said, as she relished the feel of his naked skin against hers.

"Mer," he chuckled, "I think that was a first."

"What?"

"You got a quote right," he kissed her.

"Fluke…" she said, "must be all the sex…"

"More sex…" he teased her, "more sex…I say…"

"That was memorable," her eyes twinkled, "that first kiss in the elevator…"

"Oh yes," he said, as he kissed her again, "and kissing was never the same…again."

"Thank you," she snuggled against him, "for tonight…for thinking of this…"

"I thought," he said, "I'd have this wonderful surprise…romantic and…"

"It was," she told him, "very romantic and wonderful…and sentimental."

"But," his hands caressed her body, "yours…in the OR...." he shook his head, fighting the emotions he felt, "it was…"

"Derek," she asked, suddenly shy and wondering if he'd been embarrassed, "you didn't mind…did you…I mean…I exposed some of our private moments with those songs…"

"I loved it," he kissed her deeply as he held her face in his hands, "and I don't care…that the world knows what we mean to each other."

"Neither do I," she said, "and you do so many things…sentimental and romantic…I wanted that for us…tonight."

"Mer," he said, "I think the day in New York…you were very sentimental and romantic."

"It's not a contest," she smiled, "who does more…just…"

"It's just what comes from the heart…what we feel for each other," he said, "that makes us mushy sentimental sappy…married people."

"Derek," she whispered, "don't ever tell anyone…"

"What…"

"That…I love…all those moments…you've made me love all those moments."

"Mer," he hugged her tightly, "I think…we both blew that tonight…in the OR…"

"Maybe," she giggled; the sound he loved to hear, "we did…"

"Meredith," he said quietly, "turn around…you won't want to miss this…"

"Oh…" she said when she looked toward the horizon, "that is spectacular…"

"It is," he said, his eyes on her, the penetrating gaze made her look back and lock gazes with him as she gave him a half smile; "the most spectacular…breathtaking view…is you…when I look in your eyes…like now…the world disappears…only you…"

"I feel the same," she said, "when I look at you…and you allow me to see your very soul…and I know…that you feel… what I feel…"

"The love of my life," he said.

"The love of mine…" she said, "our souls entwined…"

"Three souls," he whispered, as he kissed the spot on her neck where the two small hearts rested against her skin, "together…for always…"

He heard the soft gasp and then her whisper, "that's what you said…of our baby…"

"It is…"

"We'll never forget her," Meredith said.

"We never will," he said.

"Derek," Meredith told him, and brought her hand up to his face and caressed him, then placed a tender kiss over his eyes, "one day, we'll tell our kids about an Angel…named Brianna…and it won't be sad…I promise…"

"I know," he said, "our Baby Bear…she'll be their Angel too…"

"Derek," she needed to make him understand how she felt. "When we were home…your home…"

"Hey," he interrupted, "this is my home…with you…wherever you are…"

"I know…but Mom's house, it's your home too," she said, and he smiled at the reference to Carolyn, "I think…our home too."

"It is," he said, "and Ma would be very happy to hear you say that."

"I just want you to know…that when we got there…it was hard seeing Jenna, and all…but since we talked that night…I'm ok…I can talk about it, and like tonight, talking about the baby…about Brianna, I'm not sad Derek…I can't be sad that what we felt for each other…our love…and passion for each other created our baby…and…that moment…the day she was conceived, like so many others…so many other moments between us…they're priceless…"

"You," he said, "are my priceless treasure…"

"I love you," Meredith told him, "don't ever doubt it…don't ever forget it…and Derek…I never knew, never understood what it meant…to have a priceless treasure," she met his gaze, their eyes both lost in each other, "until you…" she said, and their lips met tenderly, lovingly, sealing promises of forever.

"This is another one of those moments," Derek whispered in her ear as her back was now pressed against him, and the colors of a new day began to manifest fully on the horizon; the sun still hidden but already welcoming the day, and as the evening sky began to lighten, the darker shades of blue began to blend with the rising orange tones across the landscape, and the bright lights of the ferry terminal glowed over Elliot Bay.

"We have the best of both worlds," she said with a smile on her face. "From here, we can see the ferry boats…and Mt. Rainier…and look…at our Island…"

"Our island," he laughed, "we now own Bainbridge…"

"We might as well…we have forty acres…and the most spectacular view of sunset…and now…here…we have our own private spot for sunrises…"

"Undiscovered," he nuzzled her neck, "except by my very romantic…enchanting…wife."

"I wasn't your wife at the time," she said. "But…you're stuck with me now…"

"I'm glad you found this place…and brought me here…"

"The beginning," she said as she caressed his arms as they wrapped around her waist, holding her tightly. "A rainy night…that led to a beautiful…sexy…sunrise…with the love of my life."

"Like today…this morning's sunrise…"

"Like today…" she said, and her voice became distant.

"What's wrong," he immediately noticed.

"I hope," she said, "that nobody finds this place and decides to develop it."

"I have a feeling," he told her, "nobody will."

"Really," she turned away from the sunrise, "just like that."

"Just like that," he smiled. "You should trust my feelings."

"I do," she said.

"We should go," he said, "we have to be at the hospital in a few hours, and I want you to get a couple hours of sleep…"

"Derek," Meredith turned to him, "thank you…for thinking of this…coming back here today. It means a lot to me…that you found it special…that first time…"

"Of course it's special," he told her, "every moment with you has always been special."

"I love you."

"I love you too Meredith," he said.

"We should get dressed," she smiled at him.

"We should," he said, and before long they were on their way home.

"Derek," Meredith said, her hand in his as he drove. "You remembered the wine we had that night," she smiled.

"I decided," he told her, "it was my lucky wine…just like the red shirt."

"You don't need lucky wine…or shirts…"

"Not anymore," he squeezed her hand.

"I'm glad," she said, and they continued their conversation on the drive home.

"What are you smiling at?" he asked as he looked at her and saw her grin.

"You never guessed…my hint…about last night."

"The hint…"

"You forgot already," she giggled as she caressed the palm of his hand.

"I did not," he said, "a prelude…"

"Literally," she teased, "music…in the OR…the prelude to our night…"

"I think," he looked over to her as they stopped at the light, "I never would have guessed…you surprised me…completely…and the choice of songs…"

"A good prelude," she smiled at him.

"An extraordinary prelude…" he said, and leaned in to kiss her lips tenderly, before the light turned green.

"You're going on a picnic," Izzie asked as she came in the kitchen and saw Meredith and Derek with an open wicker basket.

"No," Meredith smiled at her, "we just had a picnic."

"Mer," Izzie said, "it's not even eight…"

"Last night," Meredith told her, "after Derek's surgery."

Izzie beamed, "Derek, were you surprised, when the music started playing?"

"You were involved too?"

"Of course I was," Izzie smiled, "I had to download the songs to Mer's iPod, she was stuck at the hospital when she found out you had a late surgery…wouldn't have enough time to do it herself before you came home…and she wanted to surprise you."

"She definitely did that," Derek pulled Meredith to him, "thank you for helping Stevens."

"I was thrilled to be able to help," she said. "It will probably be all over the hospital this morning. Get ready for that…"

"We know," Meredith and Derek said simultaneously.

"Dude…a picnic at this time of morning…"

"No Karev," Derek told him, "it was last night."

"Huh?"

"We're going to bed," Meredith said and pulled on Derek's hand. "We'll see you later."

"Good thing we're leaving," Alex said. "Before we have to hear you…"

"Karev," Derek told him, "I've said it before…you can always find another…"

"Alex," Meredith said, "just for that, clean up what's left in the basket…"

"Why, I didn't eat it," he said as he began to do just that, "or drink it," he said as he took the bottle of wine and placed it aside for recycling.

"But…" Meredith giggled, "if all that's gone when we get back to the kitchen…Derek may actually think there's a good reason to keep you around."

"I don't think there's any good reason to keep him around," Derek mumbled as they went up the stairs.

"Yes," she said, "you do."

"I do?"

"Yeah…"

"What's that?"

"You know," she said very certain of herself, "they're my family. I can't kick them out."

"Mer," he pulled her in his arms as they reached the top landing, "I know they're your family…and as much as I may want privacy sometimes…it's your decision."

"It's ours," she told him, "and I can't really kick them out…but if you ever feel…it's important…if it's making you that unhappy…you come first…our relationship will always come first."

"Luckily," he smiled at her, "we have the trailer…" and she smiled back.

"Forty acres," she said, "to be as loud as we want," and he lifted her and carried her to the bedroom and placed her on their bed.

"Now," he said, "it's time…" and he attempted not to yawn.

"To sleep," she said as she did in fact yawn.

"To sleep," he said, as their laughter filled the morning air, and they indeed spent the next several hours in each other's arms; asleep.

"Dr. Shepherd," Amy Lynn smiled at him, amusement written all over her face. "It's good to have you back with us…we missed you while you were gone."

"Amy Lynn," Derek said, "spill the beans."

"What do you mean?" she asked, and he saw Lisette lift her eyes from the chart, and look at them through the back office window.

"Where are the rest of your conspirators? Lisette, I know you can hear me…come out from hiding," Derek smiled at her.

"Who is hiding?" Meredith approached the counter, dropped off some charts and picked up others.

"The Fab4," Derek said, "are keeping secrets…" he winked at Meredith.

"We are not keeping secrets," Amy Lynn said and turned to one of the group that was joining them, "are we Steph?"

"I'm not," Stephanie laughed, "unless…you're talking about Bokey's hidden romantic streak."

"You do know," Derek accused playfully. "Lisette," he said as he saw her smiling, "you're holding out on us."

"She's hiding today," Stephanie said, "because she bet against you."

"She bet against us…"

"Yes, she did," Tracy said as she caught the end of the conversation.

"Stop talking about me," Lisette said, as she put her call on mute. "I can hear you."

"I can't believe you bet against us," Derek said loud enough for her to hear.

They all got carried away talking and didn't notice when Lisette got up from the desk and joined them. "I did not bet against them. I simply stated that the rumors were wrong and unfounded."

"Lisette," Meredith said, as she looked at the nurse, "I haven't seen you in a couple weeks…you're…"

"I'm huge…" Lisette said, resigned to the fact, she was much bigger than her first pregnancy. "I know. Everyone's told me."

"You were away," Meredith said, surprised at how pregnant she looked, and in the back of her mind could not help but wonder how she would have looked.

"We took a family vacation before the baby comes, even if it means two weeks less at home later. We felt it was important to spend that time with our daughter, make it easier when the baby comes, that she feels part of it…and understands the baby will need a lot of my attention."

"How long will you continue to work?" Meredith asked and felt the light pressure of Derek's hand on the small of her back, and found comfort in his touch, as he'd intended.

"I'm officially thirty four weeks," Lisette said, "and I'll work as long as I can."

"That's good," Meredith smiled, Derek's hand moved lightly with gentle caresses. "Jenna, my sister in law, is due in about three weeks and she's also planning to work as long as possible."

"That's right," Tracy said, "you've just been home. How was your trip," she said attempting to steer the subject away from pregnancy. All of them were protective of her feelings, given she and Lisette would have been due around the same time. "Mark said he spoke to you one night and got to participate in a toast, he really wanted to be there, but he said at least he could send champagne."

"Yes," Derek said, "he did…an early anniversary present."

"Dr. Grey," Stephanie said, "it was so romantic," she could not hold back, "what you did last night…everyone's talking about it…"

"That's what you weren't telling us," Derek said. "Amy Lynn…the gossip's all over."

"We didn't want you to think we were gossiping…" Amy Lynn smiled at him.

Derek laughed, "are you kidding…we'd rather hear from you than anyone else," he said, as he kissed Meredith's temple.

"What are they saying?" Meredith asked and without missing a beat, "Lisette, shouldn't you be off your feet as much as possible?"

"I am," Lisette told her, "that's why I'm covering the phones and at the desk most of the time now. But, it's still really important to get some exercise and be active as well."

"Well," they heard Mark's drawl, "this is an unexpected reunion…with the FAB4," he winked at Tracy, "and the most talked about couple at Seattle Grace."

"Just remember," Meredith said, "whatever you bet on…half the money is mine."

"Why?" Mark asked.

"Because," Meredith told him, "you got insider information."

"Since when," he argued, "is Yang …"

"Don't be stupid," Derek told him. "They tell each other everything."

"I do not," Meredith giggled and kissed him.

"I hope not," Derek told her, as he caressed the curve of her hip.

"Knock it off you two," Mark said. "You're making the pregnant woman jealous. Wow, Lisette…you grew overnight…"

The familiar sound of a smack at the back Mark's head immediately followed, "are you a moron?" Meredith said, "you never ever…tell a pregnant woman…"

"It's all right," Lisette laughed, "Dr. Grey, even my daughter told me that this morning."

"Well," Meredith said, "he should know better than to be so insensitive…even if it is true… I'm not saying it is…just that you are pregnant…and it's natural…but he…he's an idiot."

"Just for that," Mark said as his hand massaged the back of his head, "I'm not going to tell you who won the bet," he told Meredith, leaving the others confused.

Meredith glared at him, "I won't tell you what Aunt Pat said about you," she said smugly.

"That woman," Mark smirked, "full of vices…"

"Mark," Meredith said, "how can you say that?" though she was actually amused.

"You met her," he smiled at her, the endearing seldom seen boyish smile, "and you think she's not full of vices…"

"I loved her," Meredith told him. "I really did…I can't wait till Cristina meets her."

"Yeah," Mark smiled, "the two of them together," he chuckled, "interesting…at the very least," and he and Meredith exchanged glances and their laughter made the others smile, even if they had no idea what the conversation had been about. Mark leaned over and kissed Meredith's cheek, "you're right," he told her. "Lisette, I'm sorry…I should not blurt things out like that…I had not seen you in a couple weeks…and Meredith is right, my comment was very insensitive."

"It's ok Dr. Sloan," Lisette told him. "I'm not offended at all," and she too wanted to change the subject away from babies as in spite of Meredith's smile, she could well imagine what she was feeling right now; how she would be feeling if it were she that had lost a baby.

"Tracy," Mark asked her, "were you able to change your plans tonight?"

"Not really," she hesitated, "but I'll try again."

"Huh," was Mark's only barely audible response.

"What do we have here," Miranda Bailey said, "a midday coffee break…no wonder interns run amuck…attendings and residents are gossiping the day away with nurses."

"We don't have interns," Mark told her, "you do."

Miranda Bailey didn't say anything, didn't need to, as she stared him down.

"I'm going," Mark said, "I'm going…" and it made Derek laugh out loud that this tiny woman could make Mark cower.

"What," Derek said as she attempted to do the same with him, "I'm your boss…it won't work on me."

"Really," Miranda challenged.

"Really," he said, as he began to feel the intense stare. "Besides," he said, "I took your son fishing."

"So?"

"We're friends."

"Shepherd," Miranda told him, "leave your wife alone, let her get to work…though I have to wonder, how much work she got done yesterday…since it seems…there was quite a production last night."

"Production," Meredith said, "Dr. Bailey…"

"Grey," Bailey told her, "spare me," and then surprised everyone by leaning in close to her, "just tell me what happened and how did you get Bokey to cooperate?"

"Bokey," Meredith said, "is an incurable romantic…and she likes my husband."

"Grey," Bailey said, "I don't have all day."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith smiled as she winked at Derek, "but…you don't like to hear…about personal things…"

"You want to see the inside of an OR this next week?" Miranda challenged, and the nurses laughed along with the married couple, and her hard core image took a beating during the next several minutes, but before she left, she said, "all of you…that conversation…the last five minutes…never happened."

"I'll have to tell Mark what he missed," Tracy laughed, though Meredith would comment to Derek later, something seemed off between her and Mark.

"I can't believe he fell for her stare," Amy Lynn said, "she's famous for it."

"She's an old softie as well," Lisette said, "she's been on my case about getting off my feet every time she sees me."

"Just don't let her hear you calling her softie," Derek joked. "Old's ok…but not soft."

"I know," Stephanie said, "she's made that very clear."

"By the way," Derek said, "Lisette, what was it you had heard?"

"Oh…it's all so silly," Lisette told him, "there was one song…the Clash? Awful band."

"You don't like The Clash?" Derek said, "how can you not?"

"Don't pay any attention to him," Meredith laughed, "I think it's awful too."

"You didn't think it was awful last night," Derek whispered in her ear. "Definitely did not want me to leave…in fact…"

"Derek," she smacked him playfully.

"Some idiots," Lisette said, "sorry…it's what they are…thought that it was about Dr. Grey asking if he really wanted her to stay, as though she had doubts about it, so they started talking about you two breaking up, and let me tell you…Bokey…was there, and she let them have it."

"Bokey did?" Amy Lynn asked. "She's so quiet and reserved."

"I heard her," Tracy said, "she was quiet …and soft spoken as she put everyone in their place, and told them they should worry about doing their jobs…not questioning what was a very strong commitment between two happily married people celebrating their six month wedding anniversary."

"We'll have to thank her," Derek smiled at Meredith.

Stephanie smiled, "Dr. Grey…you've been given a nickname."

"I have?"

"Yes," Amy Lynn smiled, "after last night."

"I'm afraid to ask?" Meredith rolled her eyes.

"It's not bad," Lisette said. "Not bad at all."

"Well?" Derek asked.

"Mrs. McDreamy," Stephanie said, and Meredith and Derek burst out laughing, and and they all spoke for a few more minutes while she finished updating two charts, and brushed his lips before walking away.

Late that afternoon, Derek texted Meredith, but she was talking to a patient. She smiled when she walked out of the room and read what he wrote.

-Love you Mrs. Mcdreamy. Wanna have dinner in a while, before I go home?

-Mer you ignoring me?

-LOL Yes No

-You don't love me?

-Yes, you're rambling on texts like Lex

-Cute Mer. 7P?

-Yes cafeteria

-My office

-No

-What???

-I'm hungry

-So am I

-Hot meal Derek

"Don't tell me," Cristina said as she saw the smile on Meredith's face. "Mcdreamied via texts?"

"You are a horrible friend," Meredith turned to her.

"What did I do?"

"Told Sloan Derek and I had quiet sex…"

"You did."

"You're not supposed to tell him…that was private."

"No it wasn't." Cristina told her, "they had emails back and forth with his sisters."

"You are impossible."

"Mer, you have to admit it was an interesting perspective. Everyone knows you're loud."

"And…who made that known to everyone?" Meredith challenged.

"Ah…you did."

"We did not."

"Are you kidding…Mer…you and Shepherd had sex…loud sex…all over this hospital…and your roommates…they heard…over and over…"

"We did not."

"Rewriting history?"

"Shut up…"

"See," Cristina smiled, "you know it's true."

"Doesn't mean you have to broadcast it…"

"I didn't. It was only Sloan and Lexie…and Alex…"

"Forget it," Meredith admitted in defeat, and turned her face to keep her friend from seeing her smile.

"Your reputation is safe though," Cristina said as she continued to walk by her side, "Alex changed his bet."

"What are you talking about?"

"Apparently," Cristina smirked, "he walked by Shepherd's office yesterday. Loud…very loud."

"Crap," Meredith said, and both she and Cristina laughed.

"Mer," Cristina said in what could be considered a sentimental moment. "Happy Anniversary…even if it was a total touchy feely…Manilow kind of moment."

"Manilow?"

"Barry Manilow…70's sappy…corny music…"

"I know who he is," Meredith laughed, "but it was The Clash…"

"Phantom of the Opera," Cristina teased her, "just like all the weddings at the adjacent church halls."

"You've never been to a wedding at …"

"Moot point." Cristina said. "But…Etta James…" she paused and then surprised Meredith when she said, "Burke loved that song…her voice."

"It…it was perfect," Meredith told her, "the first night…Derek picked that song," and the friends walked quietly to their next assignment and smiled as they parted ways.

"Hey," Meredith smiled as she heard his voice right before he wrapped his arms around her. "Ready for dinner?"

"I'm starving, and I mean…I want a hot meal…I've been living on sandwiches and salad for the past two days."

"I brought you something," Derek told her, "even if you didn't want to meet me in my office…it's officially our anniversary dinner."

"I ruined your plans, I'm sorry…but…I thought…you know…if we were in your office…alone…and hell…I can't resist you…and I have another four hours and a surgery…and I really was starving."

Derek's laughter could not go unnoticed, and neither was the hug and kiss he gave his wife. "It's ok…we'll make up for it later."

"What did you get for dinner?"

"Your favorite," he smiled, as they walked in the cafeteria holding hands, and she saw George at the table Derek led them to.

"Italian," Meredith smiled at the take out containers before her.

"Thanks George," Derek said, "had to make sure someone was here to accept delivery."

"Anytime Dr. Shepherd," George smiled and started to get up. "Happy Anniversary."

"Don't go," Derek told him. "Join us, there's enough."

"You want privacy, I know."

"O'Malley," Derek told him, "join us."

"George," Meredith said, "we hardly see you anymore, please stay."

"Sure," George said and smiled. "Mer…you're the talk of the hospital…again."

"I know," she said, as she began to serve the meal before them. "What have you heard?"

The three of them laughed at some of the gossip going around, and she told him of their visit back home and how Izzie helped her to surprise Derek, and he in turn had made it so romantic to watch the sunrise at the same place they'd discovered long before.

"Dr. Grey," Meredith looked up to find Bokey smiling at them. George had already left. "I've been looking for you…you are very sweet…there was no need…I was glad I could help you get started on your anniversary celebration."

Derek looked over to Meredith, unsure what the nurse was talking about. "You're welcome, we wanted to…both of us to thank you, not just for that…but I know you've been fighting off gossips."

"It's a never ending tale around here," Bokey smiled. "But, I've seen the two of you…since the beginning…and it's real…no doubt about it."

"I'm not overly fond of roses," Meredith told her and the nurse smiled, "I was hoping you liked what I chose."

"Dr. Shepherd," Bokey smiled, "you're very lucky…both of you…to have found each other," she leaned in conspiratorially, "they talk about you, we talk about you, the scrub nurses…we've seen it first hand, how it all began…the looks…the legend of Meredith and Derek," she winked at them, "don't forget it, and thank you again…the flowers were beautiful, so was the note."

"You got her flowers?" Derek smiled.

"I did," Meredith smiled, "from us both."

"Uhmmm…"

"You don't mind, do you?"

"Mer…of course I don't. What did the note say?"

"Just…thank you…" she said, and he detected a bit of embarrassment.

"Mer…"

"What…"

"It's ok to be sentimental…and…"

"Married…married me…"

"Married you?" he questioned, not sure what she meant.

"Fine. I was sappy…and I said…Thank you for your help last night, those songs are special to us, and being together at that moment was very important to us. We heard about your comments, and that means a lot to us both, and I signed it Meredith and Derek."

"Married you…" he smiled, "your first note…"

"Yes," she smiled, "never did that before…signed a note…or anything from us…"

"The first of many," he put his arm around her, "during our life together."

"I think so," she said, and rested her head against him, and if there were any doubts or rumors about the imminent demise of the Grey-Shepherd marriage, most were dispelled by the end of the evening.

"That was lovely Mer, I'm glad you thought of it," he kissed her temple, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, "wish we could go home now."

"Me too," he said, as he spoke quietly in her ear, making her smile.

"Are you going home now?"

"Actually," he said, "I'm not. Going out to the trailer…make sure everything's ok since we haven't been there in almost a week. I thought …"

"You want me to go there tonight, after my shift?"

"No…I'm coming back here. You have an early shift tomorrow, but since you're off on Tuesday, I thought we'd spend the night there tomorrow night."

"I'd like that," she smiled, "but you remember we have to stop by the Mulligan's? It's Sean's birthday…we said we'd be there, and we have to buy a gift."

"I remembered, and I'll take care of that tonight, I'm going to do that first…"

"I was thinking," Meredith said, "about what he would like…but he's one…what do you get a one year old that most likely has everything?"

"Maybe," Derek chuckled, "I'll take Mark with me…"

"For the right age inspiration," she giggled.

"Exactly," he said, as he openly demonstrated affection for his wife.

"I have to go," Meredith pouted, "need to scrub in."

"I love you Mer," he whispered.

"I love you too Derek," she said, and placed her hand in his as he helped her from the seat, and they walked out of the cafeteria after getting rid of their tray.

"I'll see you at home," he told her and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you…" her eyes twinkled, "ready…to roar…again tonight…"

"Always," he laughed, "don't tempt me…to change your mind…about now…"

"I'm always tempted…" she giggled, "just have more self control," she teased.

"Wanna bet?"

"Gladly…tonight…" she smiled, and kissed his lips softly before she had to walk away.

Meredith walked in the house about fifteen minutes earlier than he'd expected and followed the light to the den.

"Hey," she called from the door, "what are you doing?"

"You're early," he said.

"Surgery took longer than expected," she said and walked up to him and sat on his lap, "but, the resident on the next shift was early…and Dr. Bailey told me to go home."

"I'm glad," he said, "but, I didn't have a chance to run a bath for you…I thought…"

"You're going to torture me again tonight…" she teased him as she nibbled on his lips.

"Not tonight," he said, as his mouth found the spot on her neck she loved for him to linger, and bit playfully before gently sucking until he heard the satisfied moan as his hands roamed her thighs and higher.

"Let's go upstairs," she said, and then noticed the photos spread out on his desk. "What were you doing?"

"Picking a photo," he smiled, "for the frame Alice gave us. We don't have a wedding photo in our bedroom here."

"I like all of these," Meredith said as she picked each one up to look at closer.

"What about this one," he said, as he showed her the frame with the one he'd selected.

"I love this one," she said, and both smiled as they recalled the moment when she'd given him her wedding present. It was one where he'd grabbed Meredith and swirled her in his arms and then he'd stopped, holding her body against his, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and before he kissed her, they gazed into each other's eyes; and the moment was poignantly captured by the photographer on a beautiful sunny morning in Venice, amongst a garden filled with tales of romance and legends.

"Me too…" he said, and kissed her softly.

"Derek," she smiled as she looked just beyond the desk and saw he'd also put up the frame with the lion tamer. "You brought that too…"

"It was appropriate," he said, "that I find out…six months later…how we're doing, you know…if the beasts were tamed…if the passion…and love…"

"The love," she said, and her eyes shone with sentimental tears, "is deeper than ever before…" she said quoting the note she'd written, as did Derek.

"And the passion," he said, their eyes locked, mesmerized with each other, "burns brighter…each moment I'm with you."

"I love you," she wrapped her arms around his neck before their lips met, "Derek…I love you so much," and photographs were forgotten as each took pleasure in tantalizing the other…enticing…to the point where there could be no return. "Let's go upstairs…I want you now."

"I love you too Meredith," and gave her one last deeply satisfying kiss, before she got up from his lap and extended her hand to him, and they ended up racing each other up the stairs. "I'm going to run a bath for you…like I'd planned...a long leisurely…"

Derek…stop talking," she said, and she pressed her body against him, gently pushing him along till his back was against the wall, "and do not…make me wait…I want you now."

"My insatiable wife," he teased as he took off her sweater and she wrapped his arms around him, bringing her body intimately close to his; his erection pressed against her as he unclasped her bra, cupping her breast then bringing his mouth to her nipple, but she ended any ideas of delaying things further.

"I want you…inside me," and he lifted her and she wrapped her legs around him and with one quick thrust he entered her.

"Is that what you wanted," he asked, as he remained unmoving inside her.

"Yes," Meredith moaned softly, her muscles contracting, "you know it is," she said, and no other words were needed, as the lovers intimately in tune with each other's desires would spend the night pleasuring each other.

Long after, bodies still entwined, still intimately joined, he spoke softly, "Mer..."

"Uhmm…"

"We didn't use condoms…"

"I know."

"Mer," his hands caressed her softly, his lips kissed her gently.

"It's ok…I won't get pregnant."

"Mer…it's too…"

"I love you Derek," she said, softly placing a kiss on his chest.

"I love you too…I just want to make sure…"

"I'm ok…I can't get pregnant right now…and I wanted…needed to feel you …just you tonight. Like that night…on our wedding night."

"I do love," he whispered, still a bit breathless, "the feel of you…with me buried deep inside you…nothing else between us…"

"We'll have that," she said as she met his gaze, "all the time…when it's time…time to try…for a baby…just us…"

"I love you," Derek told her and before he was able to slip away from her, she said. "Not yet…" she whispered, "not yet."

"Derek," she said a bit later, no longer joined, but feeling safe and loved, adored in the warmth of his embrace. "It's almost over…our anniversary."

"You think…" he teased.

"I don't know about you…but I think you pretty much wore me out."

"You mean you tamed the beast," he teased her, his lips finding hers.

"I guess not," she giggled, "I think…my old panther would roar again…"

"I bet you he would," he laughed as he bit her neck playfully, "tonight."

"Tonight," she said, "I'm exhausted."

"Come on, Dr. Grey…I think I can make you change your mind."

"Derek…" she protested, "I don't want to move."

"You will," he told her, as he raised an eyebrow suggestively.

"Yeah…" she smiled at him.

"Uhmmm…" he smiled at her, "I'll be back."

"I won't have to move?"

"Not if you don't want to," he teased her, "but I'd bet that you…"

"Derek…" she smiled, "is there anything to eat…I'm starving."

"I thought you might feel that way," he said, and he got out of bed, and kissed her, and then he walked naked toward the bathroom and began to fill the tub before he grabbed a robe and covered his still naked body. "Don't fall asleep," he said and walked out of the room and within minutes was back in their room holding a tray with two slices of pizza and a piece of cheesecake.

"You planned this?" She smiled.

"I did…but you were early, so I didn't have time to fill the tub first. The bottle of wine though, is already in the bathroom…with glasses…and candles already lit."

"Perfect," she said, "just perfect way to end today…"

"Actually…to begin tomorrow…" he leaned down to kiss her, "it's way after midnight."

"Are you going to join me?"

"Of course…last night was for you…tonight…it's for us," and he extended his hand to her and helped her in the tub before he joined her, and she settled her back against him.

"No teasing tonight…" he chuckled, as she rubbed her body against his. "I don't have to be anywhere…but here…pleasing my wife."

"Promises…promises…" she said and almost immediately she moaned as his fingers began to roam and entice…

"You were saying," he teased.

"Derek…tonight…" she turned to face him, "no condoms…all night…"

"Mer…"

"It's ok…and if by some fluke…I'm wrong…"

"Meredith…"

"A baby…our next baby…whenever that is…can never be the wrong time…"

"Meredith…you're not ready…we don't need to risk…"

"It's not a risk. I'll be ready…if it happened…if we conceived a baby…on a night like this...when it's not supposed to happen…I'd be ready."

"But…"

"Derek…I love you," she said, and effectively ended the conversation, "now…let's take it slow…this time…"

"Slow…we can do slow…" he taunted, repeating what he'd said to her in the same tub long ago, "incredibly slow…" and they did, except they decided it was much better in bed, where they made love once more, and basked in the exquisite pleasure of their passion.

_A/N 2FEB10 - the comments on this story in the last 3 chapters, have gone from 19...to 10...to 5... if you are reading, and really have lost interest, please do let me know, it's much easier to know that than spend hours writing without you caring whether it is written or not. The story has another 13 chapters sketched out, but it can just as easily end in chapter 200, which will bring the story full circle and lives up to the title (Shattered....) Dreams Fulfilled. The other 6 were my way of wrapping it up for myself, after so very long, it's hard to let go of these characters, but the story at Chapter 200, I believe will be fine. My heartfelt appreciation to each of you that has stuck through this very long story and to those of you that comment, you have no idea how very much that has meant in terms of inspiration. Warm regards, Jasmin_


	206. Chapter 206

_A/N Hope you enjoy this chapter and its interwoven glimpses and foreshadowing of the future; a chapter intended to show several facets of love; as exists in friendship and family and lovers, above all a couple's commitment to nurturing their relationship; the commitment of a marriage for a lifetime. If some of you recognize some glimpses of old passages…well, you can't really plagiarize your own writing!_

_**Chapter 194 – Passion's prelude**_

Meredith smiled at the familiar prickling sensation followed by the moistness of his lips.

"Sleepy," she said pretending to protest, as his hands began to roam her body, well aware she had no interest in sleeping.

"Ok…honey," Derek said, "I'll let you sleep," and removed his hands from her body, and waited for the expected reaction, "and will see you at the hospital."

"What is wrong with you?" Meredith turned quickly to face him, "you're calling me honey…and you're going to let me sleep…instead…"

He shrugged, "we're an old married couple, you know…I think…I should respect my wife's wishes…" he said, and cocked his head smiling before she felt the warmth of his hands on her body again, "to sleep…"

"Ah…" Meredith smiled, and pressed her naked body against his and wrapped her arms around his waist, "honey bun…" she teased as her hands began their playful descent to his hips, and they both burst out laughing.

"Mer," he laughed, "those names…"

"Honey bun doesn't work for you," she giggled, "maybe we can try something else…"

Her words were cut off by his mouth capturing hers and in seconds he'd covered her body with his, "a quickie…" he told her, and teased her with his lips on her breast, "by…my…lion…tamer…"

"Your lion tamer," she raised an eyebrow playfully, "you have your very own…lion tamer…" and wrapped her hand around him.

"I do," he said and took a deep breath, "or…maybe…"

"Yes…" she smiled; delighted at the way her touch affected him.

"It's…" he paused, "my very own…lioness…"

"Uhmmm…" Meredith smiled and teased, "the tiger and lioness…"

"Tigress," he whispered and his tongue teased her lips, and then, it was time for her lips to tease him, and the quickie became an unforgettable wake up call as they welcomed the first day of their sixth month anniversary.

"Derek," Meredith yelled as she hurried down the stairs, "we're going to be so late, where are you?"

"I'm here," he said, as he strolled in from the kitchen with a cup of coffee for her, "and you have to eat breakfast."

"We don't have time," she sipped her coffee, "my shift starts at seven, in fifteen minutes."

"Meredith," he reached out and placed one hand on each arm, bringing her close to him, "your shift starts at eight, you have time," and gave her a quick kiss before pulling her into the kitchen where unbeknownst to Meredith, Izzie sat with her head in her hands and Alex glare at them.

"What did you do?" Meredith asked him.

"I pulled rank…"

"Derek," she raised her voice, "you can't do that…you can't favor me," she gave him a half teasing smile or smirk, he couldn't decide, "not so blatantly."

"Ah…" Derek grinned, "she finally gets it…there's advantages to being married to an attending," he kissed her lips lightly again, "who happens to be head of a department."

"Ass," she giggled.

"You love my ass," he teased her.

"That I do," she said, and slapped him playfully as she walked in the kitchen and stopped when she saw Izzie and Alex. "I didn't know you were home," Meredith said as she sat down and began to eat the bowl of cereal Derek had prepared for her.

"Obviously," Izzie mumbled.

"Haven't you guys…had enough of each other already? Dude, it wasn't enough you kept us up last night…this morning too?"

"Told you before," Derek stated, "there's a solution for that."

"There's muffins," Izzie said, "freshly baked…at three in the morning…"

"You know what," Meredith tried to joke, "next time you're up baking in the middle of the night, let me know…maybe you can teach me…I mean it's not like I'm going to be sleeping either…"

"Mer," Izzie told her, "don't rub it in…we all know it's good…really good sex."

"Ok," Derek said, "I think, I'll check on some messages I need to respond to. Meredith, you're scrubbing in with me first thing this morning, take your time with breakfast."

"Ok," Meredith addressed her roommates, "the two of you have to stop it…quit with the bitching and complaining. You know we like sex, we have loud sex…we try to remember we're not alone, but doesn't always work…and we forget that you guys are home…so, you can either live with it or like Derek said, you have alternatives. Don't make me pick, because if I have to…I'm going to pick my husband…and … if it bothers you so much…than use the damn earplugs Sloan gave you."

"Dude, you're pretty bossy and angry for someone who got laid repeatedly…"

"Enough," Meredith yelled at him, "Alex, it's not funny anymore."

"You're right Mer," Izzie said in a more conciliatory tone.

"Don't give me that crap," Meredith told her, "you're just as bad as he is, so…"

"I'll teach you to bake," Izzie said, "next time…I'll teach you to bake."

"Iz," Alex joked, "have you lost your mind…we'll have the fire department out here in the middle of the night."

"Jerk," Meredith said as she got up and smacked the back of his head.

"So…" Izzie called out to her, "Mer…we can stay?"

Meredith shook her head, "you guys better stop annoying Derek."

Derek chuckled as he drove away from the house, "you really let them have it."

"It won't do any good," she said, "I'm sure…but they don't know I don't have the heart to throw them out…except," she looked over at him, "I told you last night…if it really begins to bother you…"

"They're your family," he reached for her hand, "we'll live with it."

"For now," she squeezed his hand. "It won't be forever," she said just as her phone vibrated and she let go of his hand to answer.

"You," Meredith said, "are a traitor, pretending to be my friend," and again reached for Derek's hand after she placed the phone on speaker.

"Meredith…I swear I had nothing to do with it, it was all Mark's idea."

"Right," Meredith smiled at Derek, "his idea after you emailed him and told him we had abstained from sex while we were at your mom's."

"But," they heard his sister's laughter, "we know now that was not true…apparently you two can manage to have sex…in silent."

"I'm going to kill him," Meredith laughed, "Derek…our family is just too damn nosy."

"Mary Margaret," Derek said, "you lost a bet…and we are going to collect…"

"Hey, that was Jenna's idea…totally, on the bet issue."

"So we heard Maggie," Meredith laughed. "Speaking of Jenna how was the shower, I wanted to call yesterday but my shift was till eleven."

"She knows," Maggie said, "don't worry, Mark told us you were both working late last night and that I could probably catch you at this time."

"Mags," Derek said, "it's kind of disturbing, how you all keep track of us."

"Don't be a moron," Maggie said.

"Well, I've already been an ass this morning," Derek joked.

"Probably deserved it," his sister said.

"Actually," Meredith teased, "it was my way of complementing him…he has a great ass."

"Mer," his sister said, "I don't need to hear that."

"Why not," Meredith winked at Derek as they were stopped at a light, "you all seem to talk about our sex life…continuously, and go out of your way to embarrass Derek and label him a prude."

"We do not," Maggie said, "that was just…well, a bet's a bet."

"So how much did you lose?" Derek asked.

"Fifty bucks," Maggie admitted, "that's actually why we talked to Mark this morning, he told us we all lost miserably. Only Kevin made out like a bandit."

"Kevin bet on us," Derek chuckled.

"Kathleen doesn't know," Maggie told him, "but that won't last long, he won't be able to keep from bragging that he was right."

"Maggie," Meredith said, "is everything ok? You don't usually call so early…"

"Everything is fine," Maggie said, "I just wanted to give you a head's up…"

"Maggie," Derek said his tone a bit concerned, "you sure everything is ok?"

"Yes," she said, "but Jenna's overly sentimental, God I don't know how that is even possible with her…but, Mer get ready when she calls you she's going to go over every little gift she got," Meredith felt Derek's gentle squeeze before he brought her hand to his lips tenderly, acknowledging her own emotions, "and she loved everything you got her…hell, I loved everything you got her…and I gave up on getting all teary eyed over little girls' baby clothing a long time ago."

"I wasn't sure," Meredith said, "what to get…so girly made sense…and lots of pinks in different sizes."

"If you weren't already the godmother," Maggie told her, "she'd have to make sure you were…you had already started to spoil this little one before you even knew about that."

"She was the first baby," Meredith said, and paused as she got choked up over what she said, "I bought gifts for…"

"Hey," Derek soothed, as he whispered, "please…don't cry…"

"Meredith," Maggie said, "Derek…are you there?"

"Yes," Derek said, "sorry…I pressed mute accidentally."

"I'm being paged," Maggie said, "we'll talk later in the week, I just wanted to give Meredith a heads up about Jenna."

"Maggie," Derek said before you disconnected. "Are you ok…you and John?"

"We are," Maggie answered, though they heard pause, "I'm ok big brother."

"I love you Maggie," Derek said, "you know that."

"I know you do…I love you too. Mer…we'll talk soon?"

"Yes. I'm actually off the next two days. I'll call you after I speak with Jenna," Meredith said just as they were pulling into the hospital parking lot.

"Hey," Derek said as he undid his seatbelt and leaned over the console and kissed her softly. "Are you going to tell me what's wrong?"

"It's nothing, I'm fine."

"Meredith," he said tenderly, "please…"

He saw the attempt to look away from him, holding her lips close together before she spoke as she looked at the window. "We should go, I don't want to deal with Bailey and being late."

"You're never late," he said as he reached for her hand, "and Miranda will understand."

Meredith took a couple deep broken breaths, "I don't want to react like this…"

"Like what?" he prompted.

"All emotional about…baby showers…and baby gifts…"

"Meredith," he touched her face tenderly, making her face him, "love, it's ok for you to feel this way...I understand," he used an endearment he'd used rarely and only when it was related somehow to the loss of their baby, "it's got to upset you… this is around the same time…we'd be getting ready…"

"I'm sorry," she said as tears filled her eyes, "I'm ok…I really am, but sometimes…these days…it's not easy, and Dr. Wyatt," she paused, "she says…it's normal…to feel this way…right now…that it's even healthy to deal with my emotions…but… I don't want to make you sad…"

"Hey," he kissed her lips softly, "we agreed…we'd always be there for each other."

"I know," she said and before she had a chance to wipe away the tears that insisted on sliding down her face, he leaned in and tenderly kissed them away.

"You don't have to hide your feelings from me," he cupped her face. "Don't ever feel that way…please…Meredith, why haven't you told me about this…your conversations with her…I could have been helping…"

"I just don't want to make you sad about this…anymore…" she met his gaze, "and I thought it was better and it was…but…this morning…talking about Jenna I said it was the first gift I bought," she took a few short breaths, "it wasn't…Derek…it wasn't…"

"It was the first time," he said, "you went to buy gifts for a baby…other than mine…Brianna's onesie."

"Yes," she said quietly, "you understood…"

"I did," he said softly, "she was ours…"

"She was," Meredith pressed her lips together tightly, and nodded, "she was…she would have been…in a few weeks…"

Derek pulled her into him, her head resting on his shoulder, and his hands caressed her gently as he whispered tender words of love.

"Feeling better," he asked as she lifted her head from his chest and met his gaze.

"I am…" she smiled, a bittersweet smile. "I love you Derek, thank you."

"Meredith," he said, "do you want me to come with you…the next session?"

"Yes," she said, "and…maybe…later…when it gets closer," she did not finish the statement, but both knew she was talking about the weeks when she'd have been expected to deliver their baby.

"I'm here Meredith…always…we don't have to do any of this alone."

"I know," she said, and caressed his face tenderly before she kissed him. "We should really go, I'd rather not be late."

"Ok," he smiled, and got out of the car, giving her a few seconds before he opened her door and reached for her hand, and they walked to the elevators holding hands.

"Derek," Meredith asked as they got in, "I forgot to ask you, did you get Sean's gift?"

"I did. I got a very cool gift."

"A cool gift," she teased him.

"Wait till you see it, Mark and I thought it was great."

"Derek," she said, "you and Mark…you got something appropriate…I mean…Mark…his idea of that could be …and I'm not sure."

"Mer," Derek laughed, "he bought the kiddy pool, he's not that bad…and I've had to buy plenty for my sisters' kids."

"I'll kill you…both…if you embarrass me," she told him.

"You won't kill me," he teased, and they were oblivious to the doors opening on the second and third floor, "you like…enjoy…being with me…" he said suggestively, "way too much."

"Dr. Bailey is right," she teased, "you think you're charming…and…"

"So do you," he teased back as he leaned in, their lips almost touching, and then heard the chime of the elevator doors as they opened to the fourth floor and walked out holding hands, their gazes on each other.

"Oh no," Mark and Cristina said simultaneously as Meredith and Derek approached the nurse's station.

"I'm off one day," Cristina said, "and you become Mrs. McDreamy, what the hell is wrong with you?"

"You don't think there was enough talk going around after that OR concert," Mark said, "you have to walk around like…"

"Good morning to you too," Derek said. "Chipper today aren't we?"

"I'm not in a good mood," Mark groaned, and Meredith and Derek exchanged glances as they noticed three of the fab4 busying themselves with work.

"Save it Shepherd," Cristina said as she pulled on Meredith's arms, "she needs to be hard core again," and Meredith smiled and pulled away from Cristina and kissed him.

"I'll see you later," Meredith smiled, "remember we need to leave here at four."

"Mark," Derek said, "wanna grab coffee?"

"No. You're too damn bright and shiny…isn't that what they say around here?"  
and he walked away.

"What was that about?" Derek said, "and don't pretend you don't know," he leaned over the counter and said to the nurses.

"I think," Amy Lynn said, "it has something to do with the fact that Tracy changed her shift to start a couple hours later."

"He didn't know about it till he got here," Stephanie said.

"Something to do with her not being able to change her plans last night."

"Trouble in paradise," Derek said, and the there nurses nodded.

Meredith and Derek scrubbed in for surgery together. "What had Mark in such a foul mood?"

"Huh…"

"Derek?"

"Not quite sure what's going on," he told her, "but according to the fab3."

"Fab3?" Meredith giggled.

"Tracy wasn't there his morning," Derek chuckled, "hence three…"

"What did they say?"

"Something about Tracy not changing last night's dinner plans and coming in late to work this morning and Mark didn't know about it."

"You mean," Meredith met his gaze, "they weren't together last night? That's a first…I think…they've been spending the last few months together…petty exclusively."

"That may be the problem," Derek shrugged.

"Poor Mark," Meredith said.

"Poor Mark? You're saying poor Mark…feeling sorry for the manwhore?"

"He still has feelings Derek…I mean…none of us like …"

"What?"

"Never mind…" she smiled, "I can't compare it…since you're my first relationship…ever…"

"Your only relationship now, so don't forget it," Derek kissed her.

"I've no desire," she smiled as she kissed him again, "for anyone…but you."

"Ready?"

Meredith brushed his lips one more time, "aren't I always…Dr. Shepherd?"

"Your timing…" he teased.

"Just making sure…" she raised an eyebrow suggestively, "you don't stray…"

"Mer…" he whispered, "I wouldn't have the energy..." and their laughter filled the usually quiet scrub area and had the surgical team laughing about the last time husband and wife had been in the same OR.

"Dr. Grey," one of the nurses joked, "any special musical requests this morning?"

"I think," Meredith smiled as she met Derek's gaze, "I'll leave that to my husband."

"It's a beautiful morning to save lives," Derek began, and they did, and then went on with the rest of their somewhat routine day.

"Dr. Shepherd," Cristina said when she answered a page from Derek before lunch, "you paged."

"Cristina," he started to say.

"What's wrong…is something wrong with Meredith?"

"Why would you think that?"

"You paged me, and you're calling me Cristina…and it's the middle of the morning, and I know she was sad today…I could tell."

"Walk with me," he said, and Cristina fell in step with him, "I need your help."

"Shepherd, you're not going to ask me to download music from iTunes."

"No," he shook his head. "It's about Meredith."

"You said there was nothing wrong."

"There isn't, but you're right, she was sad this morning," he told her briefly about his sister's phone call and the talk about the baby shower. "I want you to help me make sure she does not attend Lisette's shower. She's ok, but I don't want her to go through that. I know she already bought a gift, she did that while she was shopping for Jenna's. But, Lisette," he shook his head, "they…she and Meredith, they would have been…" he was clearly as affected as Meredith.

"Derek," Cristina walked to a quiet corner, "I'll make sure. Their due dates would have been almost exact. I'll take care of it."

"Thank you," their gazes met and he nodded.

"What about you?" Cristina shocked him. "How are you?"

"I'm fine."

"Derek," Cristina said, making a move to diminish the prior animosity between them, "she's lucky to have you. Talk with her. Don't do this on your own either."

"I'm the lucky one," he said and they reached yet another milestone in their relationship.

"Derek," Cristina said. "Whatever you need, let me know."

Meredith walked in the cafeteria and looked for her friends, but only found Mark and immediately went over to his table. "I think you owe me lunch."

"Grey," Mark looked up. "Why?"

"Because," she said, "you bet against me and Derek…"

"I did not," Mark cheered up a bit, "I bet on you having one hell of a time," he smirked, "in silence."

"Buy me lunch anyway," she said.

"You've got an ulterior motive."

"Maybe," she agreed.

"Fine," he said, "what do you want?"

"I'll go with you," she said, and selected enough food for two.

"Grey, you can't eat that much…"

"No, but Derek and I can," she smiled at him, "he's joining me."

"So I have to pay for his lunch too?" Mark muttered.

"You're lucky you don't have to pay for everyone's lunch today. We'll likely have some others joining us," she said sweetly as she walked with her tray to a table, and sure enough her friends trickled in and joined them, but not before she got a chance to talk to him.

"What did you and Derek buy for Sean yesterday, he said it was a cool gift."

"I agree with him, it is a cool gift for kid…he's going to love it."

"I'll kill both of you," Meredith glared at him, repeating what she'd said to Derek. "If you embarrass me…"

"Grey, have a little faith…we got the kid some great gifts."

"I see," Derek said as he joined them, "you have no faith in me…"

"It's not you," Meredith smiled as he kissed her cheek when he sat next to her, "it's Mark…I don't trust…with gifts for kids."

"Grey, that's not fair. I've had to buy just as many gifts for the Shepherd clan…"

"What's up with the clan? Mer…oh my God…are they visiting…all of them?"

"No Izzie," Meredith shook her head, "how you jump to conclusions."

"Oh…well, Dr. Shepherd…Derek, just so you know…if they were visiting, I'd help out…you know cooking and everything…"

"Stevens," Derek said, "relax…we're not kicking you out."

"You're kicking them out," Cristina heard the last of the conversation. "Shepherd, just when I think I have you figured out, you rise…good for you…they should be out."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded her, "that is not nice."

"Mer," Cristina said, "you're married…and all they do is complain about how loud…"

"Ok," Meredith said, "that's enough…all of you…I don't want to hear any more, ever, about how loud Derek and I are. We like sex, we have lots of sex…and we like being loud,live with it."

"I'm glad," Cristina smirked, "I don't have to," and bit into her sandwich.

"Dude," Alex started to say.

"Alex," Meredith glared at him, "wear earplugs, and you," she said to Cristina, "hand over half of the winnings."

"What are you talking about?" Cristina said innocently.

"You know exactly what I'm talking about…since you and Mark have already let my sister in law know who won…the betting pool."

"Oh…crap," Cristina said. "Shepherd, your sisters are pretty nosy."

"My sisters," Derek looked at her, and roared with laughter, "I think Meredith's sisters are pretty nosy too," he said surprising Cristina she was included in his comment.

"I didn't bet," Lexie said, "but…I'd have won…"

"Hand over half the money Cristina," Meredith said again, "you too Mark."

"That's not fair," Mark argued. "I bet on your side."

Derek leaned in to whisper something in Meredith's ear that made her laugh and turned to him and brushed his lips quickly.

"Mer," Cristina said, "we're having lunch. Spare us…the Mrs. McDreamy touchy feely crap."

"You're jealous," Meredith said as she took a bit out of Derek's salad, "you want to be Mcdreamied in the elevator…but you're too stubborn…"

"I think she is," George commented, "I agree with you Mer, but she won't admit it."

"Bambi," Cristina said, "you can't keep agreeing with her. It makes me look bad."

Derek met Cristina's gaze and Meredith could have sworn the two exchanged a smile, which they did, as they both were pleased there was no trace of the earlier sadness.

"What's going on? Derek…Cristina?"

"What are you talking about," Derek said, as he continued to eat his salad.

"You were smiling," Meredith looked from one to the other, "at each other."

"Mer," Cristina said, "you're imagining things."

"Besides," Derek said, "what's the big deal…we like each other."

Mark snickered; Izzie coughed as soon as she could swallow; George snickered; Lexie smiled at her brother in law, and Alex was simply Alex.

"Dude, you two barely tolerate each other."

"Shut up evil spawn," Cristina said.

"Children," Meredith said, "behave and pay up," she put out her hand to Cristina, who actually gave her half of the amount in her hand.

Lexie, who has sitting next to Mark leaned over to him and said something, and he frowned at her.

"What is going on with all of you today," Meredith asked. "Lexie?"

"Mark," Lexie said, "Cristina…"

"Fine," Mark said and took out two hundred dollar bills and handed them to Cristina.

"You were going to cheat," Alex said, "dude…that's low…really low…"

"Oh shut up," Mark said, "it was only our bet, family… nobody else knows about it."

"You were literally cheating," Derek said, "both of you…" he said looking at Cristina and Mark. "But, wait, Lexie how did you know?"

"I was sitting next to Cristina," Lexie said, "when she wrote it out."

"Damn photographic memory," Mark mumbled.

"I cannot believe the two of you," Meredith said, "trying to cheat me out of…"

"Cheat you…" Cristina laughed. "That is priceless…you did not bet."

"No, but you got the answer from me," Meredith told her.

"Meredith," Derek winked at her, "I think we have to reevaluate the friends we're associating with…the company we keep."

"I think you're right," she said, and handed Derek the money, "think that covers it?"

"It helps," Derek smiled at her. "But, you may have to do some of the cooking," he said as they both chuckled.

"Crappy friends," Meredith said, "all of you…"

"Hey," Mark said, "we were going to use half his money…for a drinking pool at Joe's…so we weren't being self serving…"

"Good then," Meredith said, "cause we're using ours for dinner…next week," she said and smiled at Derek, they'd talked about this when they found out about the bets, and she'd told Mark she was claiming half, "you're all invited to Derek's…to our place…for a barbecue."

"Mer that's great," Izzie said, her usually chirpy self, "we haven't been there…"

"We figured," Derek joked, "we should put all your hard working money…and feed you," he said, but didn't not mention the fact he and Meredith had also agreed to give them all the money back.

Meredith's pager went off, "I have to go," she gave Derek a kiss on the check. "I'll see you at four."

"Yes," Derek said, "and stop worrying, Sean is going to love his gifts."

Each of the occupants of the table made their way back to work, leaving Derek and Mark.

"What's going on with you and Tracy? You were in piss ass mood this morning."

"Thought you weren't a meddler."

"No, that's you. I meddle…too many sisters, you're the gossip."

"Nothing," Mark told him.

"Mark, I know you."

"An old boyfriend came back," Mark admitted.

"You're joking?"

"Wish I was," Mark told him.

"Do you? Or were things getting too serious?"

"You are meddling."

"No, I'm not. I'm talking to my brother."

"We've been exclusive. I haven't cheated on her…she wouldn't put up with that shit."

"But…"

"We had a good time, we have...and I really enjoy being with her…"

"But…" Derek insisted.

"We both knew…it's not anything like you…and Meredith…you guys have what she wants, and I know it's not what I feel for her; she doesn't feel that for me either."

"So," Derek tried to hide a smile, "you're a reformed…manwhore…"

"You can't laugh at me," Mark scowled.

"I'm not," Derek said. "I'm proud of you…happy for you, that you recognize there is more to your womanizing…"

"Tracy did that you know," Mark told him, "she made me realize that there could be more, but…we both recognize that we're not that person for each other."

"That's what's pissed you off?"

"No…she, we had an honest conversation about it, a few weeks ago…"

"A few weeks ago," Derek said surprised, "I thought it just happened."

"No. A few weeks ago and old college boyfriend of hers came into town, they had dinner. He was here for a job interview, told her he wanted to see her; he had other offers, other cities. He's an attorney, very successful; wanted to know if there was anything left between them, the way it was for them in college."

"Was there?"

"She wasn't sure; it's been a lot of years. Last night, he was here for his last interview. It's actually him interviewing the firm, it's up to him where he goes; apparently, he's that good."

"How do you feel about it?"

"Honestly?"

"Yeah."

"Not great on the ego. But, I like her. We were good together. But, she has a chance…a good chance at recapturing some of their past…she thinks she wants to try…"

"You talked to her today?"

"After she came in, she paged me…we talked…we're having dinner tonight. Friends."

"You ok?"

"Yeah…"

"Mark…"

"Don't be a girl Shep," Mark smirked at him.

"Just remember," Derek told his childhood friend, "I don't mind a little gossip too," and both friends laughed good naturedly.

"Shep," Mark said, "you're a good brother."

"So are you," he said. "Just don't piss off my wife with more bets."

"Grey," Mark drawled, "she loves me."

"Don't push it," Derek scowled at him.

"Shep," Mark said as he got up and both men walked out of the cafeteria together, "earlier…you and Yang…it was about Grey, wasn't it? She ok?"

"She's ok," Derek told him, but the pause alerted Mark.

"What about you? I know you talked to Maggie this morning, and that Jenna's…"

"We're ok…thanks for …" Derek paused, touched by Mark's concern.

Mark put his hand on Derek's shoulder, "I'm here…if you need anything."

"So am I," Derek turned to him and nodded; the lifelong friendship had survived betrayal and both men were grateful for the strengthened bonds and newly found unshakeable loyalty.

The rest of the day was thankfully uneventful for a Monday, and by four fifteen Meredith was able to join Derek in the lobby.

"Hey," she said, as she walked up to him, "we got out on time."

"How was the rest of your day?" Derek asked as he brushed her lips with his, long past the stage where they cared if anyone saw them being affectionate, much less the looks they'd often get during such moments, and they walked to the car holding hands.

"Crap, Derek…"

"Crap and Derek together doesn't sound very promising," he teased, "in fact…I recall when you looking at me and saying crap was definitely not …" he joked about the first time they'd seen each other after Bailey caught them in the car.

"I think," she laughed, as he opened the door for her, "we're beyond that."

"I hope so," he smiled and walked to the driver's side.

"Did you have the gifts wrapped? I totally forgot to ask you…and we didn't get a card, Derek…we have to get a birthday card."

"Gifts are wrapped," he said indulgently, "and if you look in the glove compartment, there's an appropriate card for a year old boy."

"You're sure it's appropriate…did you pick this out with Mark too," she said as she reached to open the compartment in front of her.

"Mer," Derek chuckled, "we found it under age…and it has a one on it and a fire truck and I'm pretty sure it's ok for a boy."

"What should I say? I mean…what do you write to a year old who doesn't understand?"

"Whatever you want…keeping in mind, he's not going to read it."

"You mean they'll just throw out the cards?"

"I don't know, Ma and my sisters they kept the cards…and I think they let the kids read them later. I remember Allie, Kathleen's oldest," he said, used to always identifying the kids when adults first met them.

"Derek," Meredith told him, "I know the kids names."

"Sorry, there are so many of them…and I don't expect anyone to remember them all."

"I wrote them out…memorized them…"

"You did what?"

"When we were home, I wrote them all out…after I met them…and you know like you study for a test," she said very seriously.

"I adore you," Derek laughed, "you…studied them… like a test."

"You should not make fun of me," she swatted him.

"I'm not," Derek reached for her hand, "you amaze me…all the time."

"How's this," she said, "Dear Sean, happy birthday to a very special little boy. We are so happy to share this first birthday with you, lots of love, Meredith and Derek…or should it be Derek and Meredith…and of course I have to print not cursive, you know in case they keep the cards and he reads them…when he learns to read…well say something…"

"I think it's perfect, and it says exactly how I feel too…he is a special little boy…and it means a lot to be included in his first birthday celebration," he said and noticed how distant she'd become. "Meredith…"

"Derek," she looked over to him and smiled, "you know…when you get those feelings…that you just know…things…"

"I do," he said, afraid of what she may be thinking, because, they didn't have a great track record with her feelings in the past.

"I get the feeling that this is not the only celebration…I mean for Sean…that we'll be a part of …you know…and it's a good feeling…unlike other times, I know that's what you were thinking…it's a really good…feeling."

They arrived at Colleen's parents where the birthday was being held, she'd explained it was easier for everyone to gather there, given work schedules and young kids needing to go to school the next morning, than having everyone work around the ferry schedule.

Derek popped the trunk before getting out of the car and then handed Meredith two small boxes and he took the bigger one, then told her to put the smaller ones on top of the one he carried.

"I can take these," she smiled, "Derek…what did you get?"

"You'll be surprised," he smiled at her, "just like Sean."

"I swear, you and Mark are just like two big kids," she rolled her eyes, "he wouldn't tell me either," she said as they walked up to the front door and rang the doorbell.

"You must be Dr. Shepherd," a woman that had to be Colleen's sister answered, "and Dr. Grey, I'm Shannon, the black sheep of the family, according to my niece. It's a pleasure to finally meet you and thank you for saving her life."

"She's a precious little girl," Derek said. "It's amazing how well she's recovered, it is usually impossible to diagnose her symptoms…but if it's early enough, there are no long term consequences."

"Please," she said, "come in…I'm being rude by not showing you in," and she led he way to the back of the house where most of the family was gathered in a huge family room.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly exclaimed and ran to her as soon as she saw her, "Dr. Shep," she giggled as Derek caught her first and lifted her in his arms, "I'm so happy you're here."

"We couldn't miss Sean's first birthday," Meredith smiled at her, and the little girl extended her arms to her after she'd given Derek a hug.

"I've missed you…lots and lots," Kelly told Meredith and hugged her as she wrapped her small arms around her neck.

"I've missed you too sweetie," Meredith smiled at her and put her down when the little girl continued talking.

"You've gots to come meet all my cousins," Kelly said, "they gets to stay up late, just a tiny little and we gets to sleep here at Nana's tonight cause it's Sean's birthday," and she grabbed Meredith's hand and led her to the back of the house.

"It's good to see you," John walked up to them holding Sean, "we're so glad you could join us."

"Daddy, we waited…so we could have Sean's cake," she blurted out, at the same time Sean was extending his arms out to Meredith and said, "hi."

"Hi yourself," Meredith reached for him, while Derek placed the gifts with the rest of the pile nearby, and she found herself covered by a slobbery kiss.

"Sean," Kelly looked up at her brother, "you're getting Dr. Mewedith's face all wet."

"It's ok," Meredith smiled, "he's just a baby…aren't you," and she hugged him to her.

"No," he smiled and said as Colleen walked up to them.

"No?" Meredith said, "you're not just a baby."

"No," the baby smiled again. "Mama…"

"You have that one right," his mother said, and reached for him, but he decided to stay with Meredith.

"Ah…so you like Meredith better than Mama," Colleen tickled him, and got a, "no," along with the drooly grin.

"Hi," the baby said as Derek stood next to Meredith, "no…t…" Sean said as he grabbed for Meredith's hair, and smiled again, "t…"

"Colleen," Meredith giggled, "you may need to interpret."

"Good luck with that," Colleen laughed, and Sean did as well as he watched his mother, "he's increasing his vocabulary every day…no is hot new, but has more meanings, my mother and mother in law are both Nana, as are our sisters, though with his aunts, he'll throw out the T …which we think could be aunty…but…I have no idea what his babbles are, except, he and Kelly have some wonderful conversations," she said, and the baby recognizing his sister's name started d looking around repeating a well known name, "li…hi…"

"That means he wants Kelly…and hi in that case means he wants to be put down," John told them, and sure enough the baby walked over to his sister.

"He's walking," Meredith said, "really well."

"Oh yes," Colleen said, "he's been walking for a couple months, but this week he decided to be fearless," she said, and both she and John took them around and introduced them to everyone, but Kelly wanted their attention and grabbed both their hands and walked them over to where the children were playing and introduced her favorite doctor…and her special doctor friend as Derek and Meredith were referred to respectively.

The family, the grandparents she'd already met, reminded Meredith of Derek's and she was surprised how comfortable she was in a setting that months before would have been a very uncomfortable situation. "Colleen," Meredith said, "we met your sister Shannon at the door, I take it Kelly's been talking…a lot…she told us she was now the black sheep of the family."

"My brother in law," Colleen laughed, "made the mistake of saying that jokingly…you may remember, she and Mike got married after she was pregnant…all the information courtesy of my little chatterbox."

"Yes," Meredith laughed, "I remember."

"She asked what it meant to be a black sheep in front of her in-laws, poor Mike was horrified, since they had not told his parents she was pregnant."

"Mommy," Kelly walked up to them and sat next to Meredith, "no grown up talk."

"Kelly Margaret," John said, "what have we said about interrupting adults when they are having a conversation?"

"It's not polite," the little girl answered.

"That's right."

"Daddy," she looked at him, and Meredith smiled, she had him wrapped around her little finger. "But…Dr. Mewedith…she's my special doctor fwiend…and I've missed her lots and lots…and I've gots to tell her and Dr. Shep a secret…cause I pwomised…"

"You can tell her later," John told her.

"Daddy," she literally batted her lashes at him and Meredith reached for Derek's hand and smiled; he'd be the same way, she was sure of it, if they had a little girl. "I gots to tell them before we eat birthday cake."

"Ok," John said, "you can do that, but let us finish our conversation now."

"I thought," Meredith smiled when Kelly walked away, "you'd give in to her for sure."

"Oh, he does," Colleen said, "as do both her grandfathers."

"I do not," John protested.

"Right," Colleen laughed and leaned over to kiss him. "That's why we're not going to Disneyland next weekend."

"Hey," John said, "it was your Mom's idea."

"Mom's idea of spending a weekend with Cinderella, Snow White and seven dwarfs with eight kids under the age of seven, three of them under a year old, because it's Sean's favorite story?"

"Be that way," John said, as he placed his hand on his wife's thigh and massaged it playfully.

"Meredith," Colleen smiled, "what you saw…was a front…I'm afraid to find out what else he gave in to today…that he held his ground on discipline," and saw John turn his head away. "Oh no, what did you do?"

"Nothing," he said, "Derek, let's have a drink."

"Oh, this is going to be a doozy," his wife laughed as the men walked away.

"Meredith," Colleen said, "I wanted to tell you…and I wasn't sure how…and I didn't want to be rude and discourage you from coming. Kelly wanted you here, and Sean is so taken with you…but…"

"Colleen," Meredith said, "what…are you trying to say."

"I almost didn't want you to come," she said and saw the look of surprise on Meredith's face. "I don't mean it like that…I wanted you here," she continued on a Grey worthy ramble. "But, I know…about …you and the baby…and my sisters…both of them have newborns…and I told them to keep the babies in the nursery, I didn't tell them why, I used the excuse of better not to have them around too many kids…that are in school and so many viruses going around…but…the rest of the family is going to want to see them…and…I'm sorry…I didn't know how else to …"

Meredith was touched by her concern and smiled at her, "thank you…I appreciate your thoughtfulness. But, I'm glad to be here…and share Sean's first birthday…your children…both of them…they've helped me. Kelly, you know…how special she is to us…Brianna…is her Angel," Meredith said softly, and both women had tears in their eyes, "and Sean…the first time I held them…so soon…so soon after it happened, he warmed my heart…and helped my soul begin to heal…they will always be two very special children in our lives…and I'll be ok…with other babies around…I will."

"You and Derek," Colleen said to her, "will always…be two very special people in our lives…two very special people to our family."

"Mommy," Kelly turned up unexpectedly, "are you sad?"

"No sweetie, Mommy is very happy."

"But you have twinkly eyes…and Dr. Mewedith," she said keenly observant.

"That's because," Meredith smiled and lifted her to her lap, "we are happy…and lots of times when you are happy…you have twinkly eyes too…"

"I missed you lots Dr. Mewedith," Kelly hugged her, "can I tell you my secret?"

"Yes," Meredith smiled at her.

"My fwiend Bwianna," the little girl's eyes indeed twinkled with excitement, "she tolds me…when Sean blows out his candle…I've gots to help him…cause he is a baby…but she's going to help too…she's going to stand by his side and blow out the candle too," she said, and Meredith and Colleen exchanged glances, and Meredith felt her hand being squeezed tightly and at that moment, Meredith knew without a single doubt that her feeling, the one she'd told Derek about earlier, was about the deep bonds of friendship between their families, that were destined to be fulfilled

Sure enough, as the early evening progressed and additional family members arrived, everyone wanted to see the newest family members, three and one month old boys; and the proud mothers delighted in showing them off, and had little choice about giving them over to various relatives.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly asked here, "don't you think my baby cousins are really cute?"

"Yes," Meredith told her, "I do."

"They're not ugly," Kelly whispered, "like Sean was…but he's beautiful now," she said of her brother, and soon was running off to join her cousins again.

"Meredith," Derek said when they'd each served themselves a plate with dinner, "we can leave…anytime you want."

"We'll stay," Meredith told him, as she put her head on his shoulder for a comforting moment, "until he blows out his candle and opens his presents."

"Meredith," Derek searched for her gaze as he gently caressed her hand.

"I love you Derek, and right now…you have no idea how much," she assured him, "I appreciate the hovering."

"I love you too," he whispered, "and need to take care of you."

"I know," she smiled, "that's what makes me ok."

This was Meredith's first children's birthday party as an adult; the ones from childhood, she hardly remembered, and later she'd tell Derek on the way home it was not a bad couple hours at all; also that she'd decided that whatever cards their kids received, she was saving them, all of them so they could read when they got older.

The early dinner was served; different menus for adults and kids, but the cake was the same for everyone, and before the birthday candle was lit, Meredith made sure to share what Kelly had told her with Derek, and the moment when happy birthday was sung and the candle was blown, a sense of peacefulness settled in their souls and Derek put his arms around her, and nuzzled her neck, and they knew it was a gift to help their souls continue in their journey of healing, to feel the presence of an Angel named Brianna.

Typically, as any one year old, Sean loved unwrapping his presents, the paper itself more fun to play with than some of the toys. His parents made sure each time he opened a present he knew who it was from and the little boy was encouraged to say thank you, which was funny to watch him smile and usually point to the gift wrap. He loved the train set from his grandfathers though Colleen insisted he was too young, which he was, it was clearly marked on the box that it was for three years and up; and many other presents; then he opened the gifts Derek bought and Meredith could relax. Sean loved his presents.

"Told you," Derek whispered in her ear, when the little boy walked over and grabbed Derek's hand and said a new word, "pay…" and Meredith smiled as both Derek and John were on the floor with the little boy laughing as he attepted to imitate the sounds of a car engines and various other noises found on the Racing Ramps Garage and the attempts at catching the magnetic colored fish in the set Derek had found for him, when that failed, the attempt was made to place the overly large fish in the small fishing boat that made up the third gift for the year old boy that had helped them both smile through their sadness.

"Derek," Meredith teased as they drove home, "I've been thinking…you know…about how many times a month…on average, couples have sex…"

"Are you about to say something that's going to make me want to stop the car and prove the studies wrong?" he teased back. "Though I think…we make love…"

"Oh," she giggled, "I think we've already proved them wrong…broken all statistics…"

"You do…"

"Seven times a month Derek," she laughed, "we manage that in a couple of days, and yes…we make love…but…sometimes…the mcnasty," she teased.

"Meredith…"

"So…" she unfastened her seatbelt, they were already on his land, and slid over to sit next to him, "it's a good thing we have this car today…no console in between…"

"Mer…" he took a deep breath as her hand rested for a millisecond on his thigh before moving on a familiar and determined path to his inner thigh… "we will not make it home…if you…"

"Promises…promises," she smiled as she felt his reaction as she stroked him, and within seconds the car came to a halt.

"Meredith," he said breathlessly, "you…are…"

"Wanting you…desperately," she said as she continued to stroke him, knowing exactly what pleased him most; certain they'd both be anticipating pleasuring the other, and that before long the echoes of their mutual fulfillment would be heard only by the sounds of nature surrounding them.

"Mer," Derek said, as they lay sated and still panting, a bit breathless, "what were you trying to prove…we were three minutes from home…"

"Just," she said, equally breathless, "trying to get a head start…"

"A head start," he repeated.

"You know…can we beat those statistics…seven times…in one month…make it…in say forty eight hours," she said, and their light hearted laughter joined the sounds of their neighboring creatures; an owl was heard, some crickets chirped, before she captured his mouth one more time before he drove them home.

"Meredith," he said as the walked in the door, "how can you be starving, we had a full meal…less than two hours ago?"

"So…" she said, "I'm hungry…sex makes me hungry."

"Sex," he laughed as he grabbed her and kissed her, "makes you insatiable."

"Are you complaining?"

"Never," he said, "as long as I can keep up with you."

"Good," she pressed herself against him. "I'm going to take a shower…can you find something for us to eat…" she bit his lip playfully, "preferably something sweet…"

"Uhmmm…" he said, "he may have chocolate syrup here or whip cream…you like that…"

"Derek," she said teasingly, "I meant real food…there has to be a frozen pizza in the fridge."

"You're serious?"

"I'm hungry," she said, "and…I'm planning…on burning lots of calories…tonight."

"Mer," he kissed her neck, biting playfully, "you have a lot of faith in me…"

"I have no doubts," her tongue teased his, both dueling for control, "you will rise to the occasion…"

"How about," he said, "we shower together…"

"Will you feed me afterwards?"

"Count on it," he said, and his lips left her mouth and traced their way down her throat while his hand cupped her breast at the same time his lips reached the swell of her breast, as their kisses alternated between softly placed lips on the other's body and undressing the other, until the only satisfaction came from their tongues fully exploring and devouring the other's mouth entirely. The shower was forgotten, as their bodies became each other's exclusive playground.

He ran his fingers through her hair, as did she, and then his hands caressed her body and all she could feel was pleasure; his hands on her breast then lower to her midriff on to their slow and inevitable descent and she moaned in pleasure, and soon he would too, as her lips left a trail from his chest to his nipples, sucking gently before she found his mouth again and her hands fumbled with the button and zipper of his jeans; both lovers perfectly in tune elicited soft unhurried moans that led to an increasingly urgent need to satisfy the other.

Meredith continued to kiss him, playfully nipping her way down his chest until she reached his navel, delighting in the effect she had on him, and then her tongue followed traveling just enough to drive him to the edge of fulfillment, and taking a sharp breath he pulled her up to meet his mouth and just as suddenly, surprised her by lifting her in his arms, while she wrapped her arms around his neck.

"Don't drop me," she said in a low seductive tone, both recalling the exact same words on their wedding night.

"Have I ever dropped you," he responded with low hoarse voice.

"No," she giggled, "just make sure you don't start tonight," she smiled as he pretended he was going to drop her, and she held on to him tightly, "don't you dare," she giggled again, before his body covered hers completely.

Unlike their wild and urgent need on the drive home, they now took their time, savoring each moment, and so completely in sync they both recalled the night months before when they rediscovered each other. Each word, each touch, each caress became a renewal of that night, a renewal of the commitment they'd made thousands of miles away in a room so different than this, overlooking a lake that had inspired poets. Now, once again their bodies and the tender words of love and passion reflected that same love and commitment of soul mates, first discovered on this spot, in this bed on a night where faith was all they could hope for, all they could ever hope to dream for, but now those had been fulfilled and expressed freely by two legendary lovers fated to be together for a lifetime.

Their bodies were joined and found the perfect rhythm; that of lovers familiar with the other, knowing exactly what makes the other moan, and they did; two insatiable lovers on the brink of ultimate fulfillment and seconds before his release, both whispered I love you, followed by the sounds of mutual pleasure and ecstasy.

"Satisfied," he said, smiling at her, nipping at her lips as they lay in each other's arms, "with your experiment…" he laughed, "that your old…whatever I am…beast, panther, lion, tiger," he listed all the names they'd laughed at recently, "could rise to the occasion…again tonight?"

"I never had any doubts…" she giggled.

"Well…right now…I have some doubts," he laughed, "you wore me out…the car, the bed," he mentioned the last of their recent lovemaking.

"You know," she teased, as she brought her naked body close to his and her hand caressed his face, "I think…you wore me out…"

"Mer…" he said as she lay in his arms, "remember…our honeymoon night…the beasts fully unleashed…"

"I'm not likely to ever forget it," she smiled.

"I think…our anniversary night…and tonight…we can pretty much guarantee…the beasts can be fully unleashed…and satisfied…very often."

"And," she laughed, "that they'll never ever…be fully tamed."

"Never…" he said joining in her laughter, "ever…" and wrapped his arms around her.

"I love you," they both whispered, their faces inches away from the other.

"Maybe," she smiled, leaning in to him, "we can get some sleep…"

"Whatever for," he teased, as his hand softly caressed her face.

"So we can start all over again," she said brushing his lips.

"Uhmmm," he moaned, "let' see…you want to break a record…seven…"

"In forty eight hours," she giggled, "we're almost half way there," she said, "if we count this morning…"

"Well," he kissed her and then, shifted their bodies and spooning her, wrapped his arms "given it's close to two in the morning, I'd say we've done pretty well…for almost twenty four hours…"

"I think," she giggled, "if you wake me with a kiss…like you promised…to wake me every morning with a kiss…"

"Yes…" he said as his hands caressed the curves of her body.

"Well," Meredith said, "if you wake me with a kiss…I can guarantee…we'll be way ahead of the averages…because…that will surely lead to …more than half…in twenty four hours…" and their laughter echoed through the place where faith had led to discovering the love of a lifetime.

"Mer…" he kissed her neck, before they entwined their hands, "we may have forgotten one little detail."

"What…"

"Condoms…I'm not sure if we…"

"I made sure," she said, "I brought enough, for our uninterrupted, post anniversary celebration," and he kissed the back of her neck, then her shoulder before they said goodnight.

"I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," she said, and they both succumbed to sleep, sated and exhausted after a day that began; and a night ended, in blissful passion.


	207. Chapter 207

_**Chapter 195 – In like a lion…**_

**_A/N 20FEB10 - This chapter is being deleted here. I've kept the original Author notes here, as I was not quite sure, other than posting a new chapter that creates a chapter alert, to let readers know about the changes. A new modified version is being posted and there are significant changes in the way I incorporated some of Grey's Storyline. Hope they will make this a better chapter than it was. Each of you that commented and gave me your opinions, you have no idea how much it was appreciated, and made me realize that part of the problem with incorporating those Grey storylines was the way Meredith & Derek reacted on the show, which was not in keeping with the Meredith & Derek you've come to know in Shattered Dreams. _**

**_Thank you so very much for all of y_****_our comments, support and trust in my vision for the story (sorry...I didn't have the realization before posting last week)._**

**_Have a wonderful weekend, Jasmin_**

_Feb 15 - Hope all had a lovely Valentine's Day…in some countries, also a day to celebrate friendship._

_Thanks to all still reading & heartfelt appreciation to all of you that comment._

_This chapter was quite challenging, and probably one of the most difficult to write, as I attempted to move the story along, while at the same time trying to incorporate some things that have happened in their (Grey's) lives that are intricately woven into their growth as characters. But, obviously not all can be easily adapted in this story. Some scenes I've borrowed and paraphrased as well as changed it to what should have been or at least what I think would have been expected behavior of the Meredith and Derek you've been reading about in this story. The Grey's timeline continued to be a challenge during that period of time, especially while trying to make some sense of it for this chapter. Please let me know if you think it worked, part of me thinks I can totally get rid of the attempt… and I'd love to know how you feel about it before writing the next chapters. Next chapter is all about Life's Celebrations. _

_A/N 16Feb - Dear Reader, my note at the beginning of the chapter expressed my doubts over the direction of the chapter. Whether I should attempt to somehow adapt SD with Grey's storylines, and I asked some of you for feedback and I am ever so grateful for it, because I'm writing the story for those of you that have been supportive for so long and it is you I want not to disappoint._

_You know what they say about following your instincts…I should have gone with mine, when long ago decided to simply write the story I envisioned. The chapter I think was so hard to write because I was going against the original feel of the story…and hence, my doubts about it._

_My thanks to each of you for your honest feedback…I'm not sure if I'm going to go back and simply delete some of what I wrote yesterday, or simply go on and ignore the rest of Grey's. Either way, it will not affect the rest of the story, as definitely in the chapters that follow I will continue to write the story about Meredith and Derek that you have been reading for so long, the story I envisioned before we knew what was in store for Meredith & Derek after that horrible horrible end to 4.11 Warmest regards, Jasmim_


	208. Chapter 208

_A/N February 20, 2010 - Thanks to all still reading & heartfelt appreciation to all of you that comment._

_I've never had such mixed feelings about a chapter as this one. Some of you liked what I posted last week, some didn't and I too found that updating to accommodate Grey's storyline was distracting and had a different tone. Hence, after much though; yes, most evenings last week; it clicked on Friday night. I'm posting this revised chapter, which I hope better reflects the characters you've come to know. What I've deleted here does not really affect what I had planned for the rest of the story. _

_Some of the post 4.11 Grey's storyline, I'd always intended to incorporate such as: Mark & Lexie, which I hinted here before it was done on Grey's. However, knew it would not be a matter of Mark the manwhore moving on, but that Tracy would be the one to rediscover an old love. Likewise the bet Derek placed on Mark & Hahn had to come back full circle; I never liked the character and had decided she preferred women, hence the reference here to Callie & Erica, briefly, so Derek would "win" the bet, but notice the support of and from his childhood friend. Carolyn kept alluding to Cristina's vulnerability; hence Owen was needed and the icicle incident was incorporated, it's deleted from this chapter, but it will be mentioned as narrative in future chapters.._

_My apologies for the need to change this; next time…when in doubt, I'll wait another day to post. I feel much better about this chapter now, and can move on to write the next one, hope you like the changes which begin right after the baby shower. Again, heartfelt appreciation for your continued support. _

_Ch 196 which is new and the continuation of this story will be posted within the next couple days. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Chapter 195 – In like a lion… MODIFIED 2/20/10 **_

_Italics following A/N are modified dialogue__**,**_ underlined words part of the old

_In like a lion out like a lamb,_ usually applied to the month of March, but this year in Seattle it could easily apply to October and November, and more than one comparison could be made in that regard.

"I can't recall ever getting snow in October," Amy Lynn said, "I hope it's not going to get any worse and ruin Lisette's baby shower this afternoon. Wimp drivers can't handle snow flurries and end up in the ER."

"Amy Lynn," Tracy laughed, "I think this is worse than snow flurries, there's still a build up of ice around the building."

"Let's just hope it doesn't last long," Stephanie said.

"Good morning," Mark drawled as he walked up to the counter and handed Tracy a cup of coffee. "Do you all need any help for tonight?"

"I think we have it all covered," Tracy told him. "You're going to drop by?"

"Wouldn't miss it," he smirked. "I told her she was pregnant before…"

The phones began to ring, and the rest of Mark's comment was interrupted.

"Mer," Derek asked a bit concerned over how quiet she'd been on the ride to work, and now as they got out of the elevator, he saw her become a bit tense as they approached the nurse's station, "are you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled at him, one that did not reach her eyes.

"Meredith…"

"I'm ok," she told him. "Just tired, it was a very long day yesterday."

"Good morning Dr. Shepherd, Dr. Grey," Tracy said. "You should know, even though it's been over a week, the buzz is still about your romantic overture in the OR," she smiled, "no pun intended…overture you know…since you had music, never mind, I've been around Mark too long."

"You've never minded," Mark pouted, "until that fat, short …balding…"

"Short…fat," Amy Lynn choked on her coffee, "are we talking about…the same man…her hunk?"

"Be that way," Mark's little boy pout was more pronounced, "slay all my self esteem…calling him a hunk…"

"Wait," Derek said, "you're old college boyfriend is short…balding…"

"He is not," Lisette said as she walked to the counter.

Meredith's gaze immediately focused on the way Lisette gently rubbed her very pregnant belly, and Derek noticed and put his arm around her and to his relief, Meredith relaxed against him and reached for his hand squeezing it gently.

"You've met him Lisette?" Meredith asked.

"We all have, even Dr. Sloan," Lisette joked, "he's just in denial…but the man is beautiful…"

"Beautiful???" Mark and Derek said simultaneously.

"Real men aren't beautiful," Derek said.

"This one is," Amy Lynn laughed. "Dr. Shepherd…he's …one could say Mcgorgeous."

"Something's got to be wrong with him," Mark mumbled under his breath.

"Mark," Tracy said, "you know you like him, you already told him."

"I know," he said, "but…still…he's everywhere…and he hasn't even moved here yet."

"He knows we're having dinner tonight," Tracy told him. "He knows we're friends."

"Yeah, he says that now…but later…we were friends Tracy, he's not going to…"

"He knows we're friends," Tracy told him. "Nothing will change that."

It had been interesting when Tracy told Mark she wanted them to meet, that she valued their friendship and did not want that to end. Mark had agreed, since he and Tracy had truly built a friendship, much like him and Callie, and he did not want to give that up; even as he joked, putting down her old flame, he was indeed happy she was getting a second chance at a relationship that had been very significant in her life.

Seconds later, they all turned and followed the sound of laughter shared between Callie Torres and Erica Hahn, but no one said a word.

"Dr. Grey," Stephanie asked, "how is Dr. Yang, that was a very bizarre accident, that the icicle pierced her side."

"She should be fine," Meredith said, "she wanted to be back at work today, but I think she finally realized she needed a day or two of rest."

"It seems," Amy Lynn said, "nothing is keeping her down. She was on the phone with Dr. Bailey earlier today discussing several of her pending cases."

Derek was aware of that, as he'd received a text from Cristina early in the morning.

-Spoke to Bailey. She'll handle Mer's schedule change today.

-Thank you.

"That sounds like Cristina," Meredith laughed, though Derek could tell she was not herself on this day. "I'll see you all later this afternoon," she said, presumably referring to the baby shower.

"Meredith," Derek whispered against her ear, "call me…if you need me."

"I will," she smiled softly and brushed his lips with hers. "Don't forget the gifts are in the trunk, and Stephanie said they'd like to get them all earlier…and take them to Joe's."

"I won't," he said, and watched her walk away.

"Grey ok?" Mark asked as he walked alongside Derek.

"The baby shower today," Derek said, "think it's hard for her, even though she hasn't said anything about it. She just reminded me the gifts are in the car…"

"What about you?"

"I'm fine."

"Yeah," Mark said, "that fine really is contagious," and briefly put his hand on Derek's shoulder. "Come on, I'll buy you coffee," Mark said just as they saw Erica and Callie smiling and obviously flirting with one another.

"Huh," Derek said, "think it's my turn. You've had a crappy day already."

"You're feeling sorry for me," Mark looked at his friend.

"Me," Derek said, "no. Just being sensitive…you know…Tracy…and Erica."

"I don't get it," Mark said. "Callie, she's gorgeous…and…Hahn…that's just wrong."

Derek chuckled and took out his wallet and paid for their coffee, then handed Mark a hundred dollar bill. "Here."

"What's this?"

"The bet…about you and Hahn."

"You won you ass."

"Yeah…but…I feel sorry for you," he told his friend teasingly, knowing Mark's ego would not suffer much from this, but that it would certainly lighten their mood.

"I'll take it," he said.

"I figured you would."

"Starting a pool," Mark told him.

"Figures," Derek chuckled as they walked toward his office in silence.

"Savings fund," Mark said when they were both sitting on the small couch in Derek's office.

"For what?"

"My godchild," Mark told him, and heard Derek's deep intake of breath. "Allowance money."

Derek met Mark's gaze. "You're a good friend," his voice reflected deep emotion.

"I want to be a better godfather."

"You will be," Derek said. "Thank you."

"It's not just Grey affected by all this."

"I know, but…for her," he shook his head. "It's hard…and Jenna's been calling almost every day…and it's getting to her, all the talk about the baby…and she won't let me say anything. I told her I was going to call Kathleen or Mom, but she got very upset."

"Shep," Mark said. "At least she's talking to you about it…how she feels."

"Yeah. She was talking to Nancy, which in itself is shocking. Nance called her after she walked in on a conversation between Meredith and Jenna. Told her she was going to discourage her calling; that she understood it would be very hard for her right now. Nancy called me, Mer was adamant that nothing should be said; that nothing should interfere with the anticipation and happiness Jenna's feeling right now about the new baby."

"She's one special lady." Mark said. "We're all here for her Shep…and you."

"She'll appreciate your humor…and thoughtfulness…for your godchild. I'll tell her…"

"Not till she's ready to hear it," Mark said.

"I know," Derek said as the childhood friends sat in silence, while Meredith too faced the emotions she could no longer ignore and displaying the tremendous progress made in becoming whole and healed, hours later she would deal with them head on.

"Lisette," Meredith said as she approached the small private area behind the nurses' station after watching how she absently kept her hand on her belly, and continuously followed the baby's movements, and sat down next to the pregnant woman.

"Dr. Grey," Lisette turned, "I didn't hear you."

"I think you've been concentrating on something more important," Meredith smiled, and Lisette saw the bittersweet smile and immediately removed her hand from her belly.

"You don't have to do that," Meredith told her. "It must be an amazing feeling…I had never felt that before…until I went home with Derek…and his sister Jenna…she…I'm the baby's godmother…and the baby liked my voice…she would be kicking…and then she'd just roll…"

"This one," Lisette spoke quietly, "seems to be a kicker…all the time."

"Is the baby kicking now?" Meredith asked.

"Yes," Lisette told her.

"May I?" Meredith asked, and Lisette knew how difficult it was for her to say that.

"Dr. Grey…"

"It's Meredith…right now," she smiled at her.

"I know this can't be easy for you."

"It's not," Meredith said, "but it doesn't make me less happy for you."

"Meredith," Lisette said, and paused as she gathered her thoughts. "Today…the baby shower…I'll understand if you don't want to be there…"

"I do," Meredith told her, but her eyes filled with tears. "I do want to be there," she said and tentatively reached over and her hand hovered just above Lisette's abdomen before she softly lay her hand on it and felt the baby kick, and took a deep breath before she met Lisette's gaze and spoke choked up with emotion. "But, I don't think…Lisette, I don't think I can."

"I understand," Lisette told her, and felt the immensity of Meredith's sadness as she removed her hand. "I don't want you to have to go through that…"

"I have the baby gifts…"

"Meredith…you already bought something," she said referring to the gift she'd brought from Italy.

"I wanted to, when I bought some things for my sister in law, but for her it was all pink and for you I got things that are more neutral."

"Thank you," Lisette said, "you are very kind."

"You've been supportive of us. Derek and I both appreciate it."

"Meredith," Lisette said. "One day…I know…you'll experience this...every wonderful moment of this…and when you do, I'm sure the entire hospital is going to want to be there to celebrate that with you…"

"You mean," Meredith joked, "an entire hospital betting on when…and if…"

"More people than you know," Lisette said softly, "will be incredibly happy for you."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled at her; the first smile that reached her eyes that day.

"Grey," Miranda Bailey spoke, "there you are…I was just going to page you. I know you had other plans, but I need you for a surgery, just put it up on the surgical board. Read up on the case. You need to scrub in and ready for surgery at five." she said and met Lisette's gaze. All three women understood that had not been a coincidence; the shower was at five o'clock that afternoon. "It's a long one…three hours at least. Go find that husband of yours and take some extra time at lunch today."

Derek felt the vibration of his phone indicating a text message.

-where are you

-on way to my ofc

-I'm here have lunch for us

-ok be there shortly

-ok

Meredith placed their lunch on the table in front of the small couch, lids remained unopened on the containers with his salad and her sandwich, a container of soup for them each and two drinks. She was sitting down with her head reclined and her eyes closed, but as soon as he opened the door she sat up and their eyes met.

"Hey," he said as he sat next to her, and kissed her lips tenderly.

"Derek," she whispered, their gazes locked, "I'm not ok."

Derek pulled her into his embrace, and after kissing her temple whispered back. "I know," and he held her without exchanging any words, as his hand gently rubbed her back, until she began to speak to him.

"I was not shutting you out," she told him. "I just thought it would be better…not to talk about it…and I didn't want you calling home and discouraging that Jenna calls me. She's happy and expecting a baby…and I'm glad that she feels she wants to talk to me…I've never had that before…family…and the baby…she's our godchild," she said, and she did not hide the need to wipe a tear away. "I don't want anything to put a damper on that…so you can't say anything…I'll be ok…I am…but today…it's just hard today…ok…"

"Ok." He said.

"Are you ok?" She asked, her face resting on his chest.

"Yes…"

"That's like my fine," she said as she caressed his face tenderly and smiled softly at him. "I love you Derek…I'm here to listen to you too…I know…it's hard for you too…"

"I love you too," he told her and held her closer to him.

"I told Lisette," Meredith took a deep breath, "I wasn't going to be there…that I wanted to…but that it…"

"You spoke to her?" He asked quite surprised.

"I did earlier," she told him. "As it turns out Bailey was looking for me…and I need to scrub in at five, that's why she told me to take a few hours now…actually sent me to have lunch with my husband…"

"It was good…she could do that," he said absent mindedly. "It worked out…"

"It worked out," Meredith repeated as she paused briefly. "Wait, you knew that…"

"What?"

"You knew…she was changing my schedule," she pulled back a little to look at him.

"Yes," he admitted. "I'd do it again."

"Derek…you can't do that…you can't …treat me differently. Last week…you told me you pulled rank, scheduled me for a surgery so I'd come in later…you can't favor me."

"Hold on…last week," he told her, "you were the only resident that had ever done the surgery before. I joked with you about your attending husband, but there was no one else, and Miranda would not have agreed to it if that were not the case."

"And today…" she questioned.

"She agreed with us," he said simply.

"Us…" Meredith insisted, "who is us?"

"Cristina."

"Cristina," Meredith's voice rose. "You have got to be kidding me."

"No," he told her. "I'm not. I asked her to help find a way to keep you from going. Since she was out today, she called Bailey and they thought surgery would be the best way. Miranda agreed. There's nothing wrong Meredith," he told her, ready to argue the point with her. "With people who love you and care about you looking out for you. You do it all the time."

"You're right," she said after an uncomfortable silence. "There's nothing wrong with accepting that from my friends," she said and then caressed his face with the back of her hand before she leaned into him and pressed her lips to his, "and my husband."

"You're…you're not mad?"

"That my knight in shining armor...is trying to take care of me…" she smiled softly, as the tears gathered in her eyes. "No…I'm not mad…and I love you…so much."

"Thank you," Derek said, touched by her acceptance of his hovering and interfering with her schedule, "that's all I want…to take care of you…so did your friends…our family."

They held on to each other for a little longer before Meredith's stomach growled.

"Guess we should eat?" Derek teased.

"Guess we should," she smiled at him, a genuine smile, as they were able to put their sadness in perspective, as they acknowledged they too would have been getting ready for the birth of a baby.

"You didn't get dessert," he said as he looked over the food items.

"No," she said, "I wasn't in the mood then."

"I'll go get some for you…chocolate?"

"No," she told him and leaned into him, "we can do it later…we can go together."

They sat eating lunch and talking about their feelings and a bit of gossip as well, and it seemed right to tell her about Mark's comment after he'd forfeited the bet on him and Hahn, which naturally led to an emotional reaction from her.

"Derek," she said after they finished lunch, and he pulled her into his arms. "You know what I'm thinking…"

"What," he said as he held her and his fingers continued to gently caress her body as well as whispering tender words of love.

"Maybe…" her hand was on his chest and her lips playfully nibbled on his neck, "we can have dessert after all," she told him, and they proceeded to do just that. But, unlike the urgent need of fulfillment so often between them, their intimacy was born of deep rooted need to reassure the other of the unquestionable love and spiritual connection only found when soul mates respond to the other's deepest desire; when soul mates look into the other's gaze and find answers to silent and unspoken questions buried in the depth of their souls.

Neither Meredith nor Derek was surprised by the two hour interval together without interruptions, and they walked hand in hand to the cafeteria to provide Meredith's craving for dessert. "I think," Derek teased, "we have mastered…"

"Silent …" she looked at him, delighted him with a flirtatious smile, "sex…"

"Uhmmm…"

"I love you," she mouthed.

"Me too," he said. "I'll wait to drive you home this evening."

"No," she told him, "go on home, I'm going to stop by and see Cristina and…"

"Call me," Derek told her, "and I'll come get you."

"Derek…"

"You agreed," he told her, "I can hover…and take care of you."

"Fine."

"What do you say," he asked tentatively, "if I bring dinner…after you've talked…the two of you…"

"I'd like that," Meredith told him, "but you have to join us."

"You may want to ask Cristina…"

"She won't mind," Meredith told him, certain, unlike months before, her friend would not object at all, and Cristina didn't.

The conversation between Lisette and Meredith remained private even as the rest of the FAB4 mentioned the adorable gifts Meredith had bought for the baby, though they too were sensitive to Meredith's miscarriage and it was only discussed very briefly the morning after, since there were several people around that had attended.

The days went by and Jenna continued calling Meredith almost daily as her due date approached, and it warmed Meredith's heart that Kathleen, Carolyn and Nancy kept tabs on her as well, and it was now just a few days before her October 16 due date. However, little did Meredith and Derek know their goddaughter had other ideas, and would not be born for another ten days.

* AN – beginning here you will see changes *

_Italics are modified dialogue__**,**_ underlined sentence part of the old.

Ten days during which all seemed to go just a bit haywire, or perhaps more appropriate a description was that the flood gates were opened at Seattle Grace, literally as well as emotionally symbolical.

"So…" Meredith smiled as she walked in their bedroom one evening, "I hear you were waiting for me…naked…"

"Stevens has a big mouth," Derek mumbled, though he was grinning.

"She said you looked cute," Meredith teased, "with a pillow…"

"I've been waiting for you…"

"Well," Meredith said, "I'm home now…" she said, and looked at the nightstand. "You keep a diary…how did I not know that…" he held her, ready to kiss her.

"_It's not mine," he said, and as soon as he explained it was her mother's she pulled back away from him._

"_My mother kept a diary…" Meredith said absently. "I never knew…I wouldn't have expected that of her. Where did you find it?"_

"_I moved some of the boxes you keep saying you want to go through to my office, so we could start on that project, and I came across it." Derek told her, as he continued to hold her, his hands on both her arms, "There was one particularly heavy box that I had to open and take out some things…it was full of old medical journals, this was toward the bottom."_

"_Did you open it…read any of what it says?" she asked him._

"_Meredith, I would never intrude on her privacy…or yours like that, this is something meant for you…something only you can decide about."  
_

"_That's not what I meant," Meredith told him and leaned into him, her forehead resting on his briefly, "not at all."_

"_What then?" Derek asked not sure what she meant._

"_I don't consider it intruding…you had to open it, see what it was…and I've told you…" she said with deep sadness in her voice, "you know the worst…and she made sure I knew the worst of it…how she felt about me, while she was alive…"_

"_Meredith," he said and kissed her lips tenderly, "don't do this to yourself."_

"_I can't imagine," she told him, "that she'd keep a diary. She was always very controlled with her emotions."_

"_All I read was the first sentence, just to see what it was and realized it was a diary."_

"_Does it have a date," Meredith said as she let him embrace her, "when she starts it?"_

"_Yes, it's the only thing I noticed."_

"_I'm sorry," she told him, "about this…that she's still screwing up my life…you had a fun evening planned…and now…I just…ruined it…"_

"_Hey," Derek pulled her away from him, while his hands never broke their contact with her body, "you have not ruined anything…we're here…for each other…when we need to be, that's what matters. Meredith, don't shut me out." _

"_I'm not going to," she pressed her lips against his, "I don't think I can do this…if I decide to read it…I don't think I can do it without you."_

"_Meredith," he cupped her face, "you don't have to read it."_

"_I may not want to," she wrapped her arms around him, "but…if I do…I want you and need you here…just that right now…the way I'm feeling…about," she took a deep breath and then almost whispered, "everything…and after so many years of …avoidance, and now…I wasn't expecting it, to have to deal with my mother's thoughts…I'm not sure I'm ready for that."_

"_Maybe," he suggested, "you can put it away…and when you're ready…in a few months…years…you decide, you can go back and read it."_

"_Maybe," she told him and kissed his lips softly. "I'm going to take a shower…I'm all grimy from carrying boxes and moving things all day."_

"_Did you eat?" he asked her._

"_No…but I'm not really hungry."_

"_You have to eat something," he told her. "I'm going to fix something for us while you shower. Ok?"_

"_Ok," she agreed and hugged him one last time. "Thank you."_

"_For what?"_

"_Loving me…in spite of all the dark and twisty."_

"_I love you," he told her, "and I only see the woman I love…don't forget that you were my breath of fresh air…"_

"_Oh, Derek," she said as she pursed her lips to keep from crying, "you always…say…just the right things," she paused, "that make me all sentimental…and make me cry."_

_They lay in bed that night and he took her lead, simply holding her, and she chose to talk briefly about the discovery of the diary, her uncertainty about wanting to read it; which lead him to believe she may indeed be curious about its content._

"_Hey," he asked as he caressed the length of her body, "how bad is it now...what you're feeling?"_

"_Maybe…" she said, "seven…maybe a six…"_

"_I wish," he told her, "I could make it go away…I don't want you to feel this way…"_

"_You do make it go away," she told him, as she entwined their hands, "just having you hold me…to know you support whatever decision I make…that makes all the difference Derek…it's so many years of knowing how she felt…that those few seconds…that last goodbye," she said, and he heard the catch in her voice, "it's not enough…" she said, and he lovingly turned her body to face him._

"_Meredith," he said, "you don't have to read them. You can remember her…that last time, and the times…recently when you know she's watching over you ."_

"_I should just remember," Meredith said, "what I told your before…that because of Brianna…how I believe she's taking care of her in my dream…that I've forgiven her…and not look back."_

"_Whatever you need …I'll be here…to support that."_

"_I know you will," she smiled softly at him, and gave in to the safety of his embrace._

"_I love you," Derek kissed her temple._

"_I love you too," she said and they lay together in silence before she said. "Derek…I need you…tonight…I need you so much."_

"_I'm here," he caressed her tenderly, and kissed her softly._

"_Make love to me…it's what you'd planned for tonight…and I ruined it."_

"_Meredith…we don't have to…we can just lay here tonight…finding your mother's diary I realize evokes a lot of memories."_

"_Bad memories," she admitted._

"_I'll just hold you…all night."_

"_No," she said and leaned in to kiss him, "I want to make love to my husband."_

_Derek caressed her face before bridging the distance between them and kissed her tenderly, and each touch, each kiss, each caress that followed was a testament to the deep love of soul mates, committed to each other for a lifetime._

The end of the week approached and Meredith rushed into the kitchen. "You know," Derek commented, "part of the joy of being married is having breakfast together."

"I can't be late," Meredith said, and grabbed a piece of toast from his plate, and noticed the picture of Derek on the cover of the Annals of American Neurosurgery. "They've published our trial," she exclaimed._ "It's on the cover," then obvious disappointment, "the Shepherd Method," she said, but their relationship, in spite of minor misunderstandings had indeed matured and she could did not hold back her first reaction, "you let them interview you, do an article and didn't think to tell them about my help?"_

"_So…" Derek said, smiling at her, "you're not happy…that we got published…because it doesn't include your name?"_

"_Don't give me that Mcdreamy smile," Meredith told him. "I'll talk to you later…the Shepherd Method," she glared at him, "after I have time to read the article."_

_When they came across each other at the elevator, the permanent grin on his face only irked her more, made even worse when he pushed the button again and told her, "it comes faster when I push it," and failed to amuse her, when normally his comment would have led to an inevitable rendezvous before the end of the day was over._

"_I think I'll take the stairs. I'm still mad at you."_

"_Meredith…why are you bothered by this…have you even read the full article, I didn't have control of what they write."_

"_Why would I be bothered," she told him, "they can't call it the Shepherd Grey method because then people would think you had help," she said and walked away from him. _

"_Meredith," he had begun to say, but she wasn't willing to listen and told him exactly what she thought, not helping to improve things between them, and the day got progressively worse as she dropped a kidney to be transplanted in one of twelve patients._

"_Dr. Bailey," Derek called out to her at the end of the day, and they exchanged congratulatory comments as well as Derek sharing Meredith was in his opinion being silly and getting emotional._

"That girl worked her ass off for you, and you didn't even give her credit."

"_Of course I gave her credit," Derek told her, "Miranda…did you even read the article?"_

_Miranda Bailey looked guilty, "I saw it…and it's the front page."_

"_You haven't read it," he smiled. "Just like Meredith," he muttered, "women."_

"_Emotional women," she glared at him, "don't forget that part…you …"_

"_Miranda," he smiled, "read the article, I expected to get slammed for calling it the Shepherd Method…but not for the reasons I've had an angry wife all day."_

_Derek thought over Miranda's comments and figured he and Meredith would straighten things out before the night was over, and a while later went looking for Meredith. "Hey Joe, how you doing? Derek said, "excuse me," he said to Cristina as he placed a gift bag between her and Meredith._

"This is for me?"

"Hey honey I bought you roses," Cristina mocked, "let me back in the house."

Meredith took out the jar that held a kidney and her reaction as well as Cristina's was filled with excitement and incredulity. 

"Thank you," Meredith told him, her anger already dissipating, as he looked at her and apologized.

"I couldn't have done it without you. Not one surgery, not one patient, I couldn't have done any of it without you." He leaned into her, "thanks," he said before kissing her a couple of times and making their way home.

They lay in bed happy, naked and sated after their lovemaking, this time, appropriately make up sex. "When my mother was a resident, she wasn't dropping kidneys."

"_You're reading your mother's diary?"_

"_I couldn't resist, read some of it today. I'm not half the surgeon my mother was," she said and Derek leaned forward to kiss her shoulder, their bodies in the familiar spooning position, one hand tenderly caressing her hair, the other on her arm offering comfort, before he addressed her comment. _

"_I'm sorry about today, we could have avoided our misunderstanding, but I think we simply didn't listen to each other," he told her, his lips kissing her shoulder again, as his hand continued with the gentle caresses. "But first, you are already a great surgeon, and I think you will be amazing one day…better than your mother, because you have what she didn't…compassion…and you genuinely care about the patients, it's not just the medicine and the competitiveness…you care about the person."_

"_You really think that?"_

"_I really do," he said, "and if you had read the entire article…you would know that."_

"_What…are you talking about…I read it," she averted her gaze, wondering what he meant, she had looked at the cover read the first two paragraphs all about his eminence in the field and assumed he'd been an ass, and hadn't gone back to read the full article, instead she'd been engrossed in her mother's diary._

"_Meredith," Derek said, a smile on his face, "we both messed up big time today, on our quota of misunderstandings…but…you know," he smiled, and this time the McDreamy smile did help._

"_I know it shouldn't bother me…but…Derek I helped, it really was my idea."_

"_Mer," he kissed her, "I thought you were angry because they called you Mrs. Shepherd."_

"_Mrs. Shepherd," she repeated. "I'm not …"_

"_You're Dr. Grey," he teased, "believe me I'm very fond of Dr. Grey…"_

"_Derek this is no time to joke."_

"_I'll let you read," he told her, "the entire article before you label me an …ass…and have Cristina commiserate and be calling me honey," he said, and her giggle warmed his heart as he could see their misunderstanding was about to be cleared up, and got out of bed to get the magazine._

"_You," Meredith said as she sat against the headboard reading the article, "Derek…you said…it was my idea…that you were reluctant," she said incredulity in her voice, "and…oh my God…I assumed the worst, you're right…I was so annoyed with you taking all the credit at first, and then…"_

"_Meredith…what I said is that the clinical trial happened because of you…your research…your persistence even when I was ready to give up."_

"_I'm sorry," she put the magazine down before she finished reading, "I'll make it up to you…I will…I'm really the one that used up our quota today," she kissed him._

"_I think," Derek teased her, "you'll have to convince me…about how you really want to make this up to me."_

"_Well," she smiled, "I was thinking…I could cook dinner for you tomorrow…"_

"_Mer," he chuckled, "that's more like…" she cut him off and they lost themselves in a kiss. _

"_Any doubts," Meredith teased him when they both broke away from the kiss, air a much needed commodity, "I can make it up to you?"_

"_Not at all," he laughed. "All day, I really thought you were angry because they assumed you were also Shepherd. Though I spoke of my wife, Meredith Grey, they made the assumption."_

"_Derek," Meredith said softly, "thank you…for that."  
_

"_I'm sorry Mer…that this happened today…I wish…"_

"_It's ok," she said and brushed his lips softly, "it's ok now."_

"_I'll make it up to you too," he kissed her softly and held her close._

"_Derek," Meredith said as she snuggled into him, "do you remember our vows?"_

"_I do…" he began to place tender kisses on her face._

"_I think…" she said, "we failed at something very important."_

"_What's that?"_

"_When one falters," she repeated the words she'd said months before in Venice, "the other will be steady in our resolve and commitment to each other …"_

"_We did fail," he said, "and we need to talk Mer…if there's a hint of something wrong. You said at that moment, when we said our vows that all was forgiven," he smieled at her, "except any new brainless activities…that I'd have to make up for those."_

"_I think," she smiled as she spoke, "you've made up partially…"_

"_Partially?" he smiled as well._

"_Yes," she smiled. _

"_We said we'd deal with things as they arose…no avoiding…so…if it's partially only…"_

"_I love you Derek."_

"_Even when you wanted to kill me," he teased._

"_Even then," she admitted._

"_I love you too Meredith, and I promise we'll be better…I'll do better," he said, and indeed the married couple made every effort to ensure their communication was open and vowed their recent misunderstandings would be the last time this would happen to them, an incident they'd jokingly dubbed The Shepherd Method Misunderstanding, and in the years ahead if ever they were heading into more than two of their daily quota of misunderstandings, one or the other, and sometimes both would bring it up, usually resulting in giving in to their baser desires._

October 15 rolled around and Meredith was as anxious as Jenna for the baby to arrive, and decided to occupy her time as much as possible and finally had Derek help her begin to unpack some of her mother's boxes he'd placed in his office; what had been her mother's really needed to be cleaned up.

Derek complained, though clearly resigned, it would take months to get the job done at the pace she was going, unpacking and delighting in each new thing she found. Anatomy Jane was one such discovery, one that brought memories that affected not just Meredith.

There was also a small stuffed bunny with long ears she looked at affectionately and put aside; definitely not something she was going to discard.

The doll made its way to the hospital, causing Richard's Webber's unfounded annoyance, and delighting Miranda Bailey. Later that evening as they unpacked more boxes, Derek discovered to Meredith's shocked expression numerous additional diaries, all of which Meredith told him she was putting aside.

"Jenna's getting pretty cranky," Meredith told him suddenly as they both lay in bed that night reading, "but her doctor says there's nothing wrong, and the baby is just not ready. Nancy emailed me, she said everything is perfectly ok, and she should have the baby in the next four to five days."

"_Meredith," he told her when she put her book down and lapsed into silence. "What's bothering you?"_

"_I'm almost finished reading my mother's diary. It's all about the surgeries…hardly anything personal… she mentions Richard a lot…a lot more than she mentions me," she said, and he detected the sadness._

_*AN – Dialogue below remains the same.*_

"He was part of her professional life, they worked together," he told her.

"It's ok," she told him, "I know…he was more important."

"You know," Derek told her as he reached to entwine their hands, both on their sides facing each other. "I think, that someone that kept all of those mementos of your childhood is certainly someone that cared…about her daughter…a lot…"

"Thank you," Meredith said, touched by his sensitivity, and kissed him softly. "That's a good way to think of it…of the things she kept…what she packed in those boxes."

"I think it all meant a lot to her," he stroked her faced lightly, "just as it means a lot to her daughter."

Meredith only nodded her head, and he saw the tears gather in her eyes, "do you think…she remembered…anything special…about those things…what she kept?"

"I'm sure she did, and that she'd always remember…that she wrote about the surgeries and work because it was detailed information she'd likely want to refer back to, but when it was about you…she wasn't likely to forget…anything about her daughter…"

"She forgot it all," Meredith said, and he heard the fear in her voice, "no memories left…at all…"

"I'd bet," he soothed her, "if she'd seen those boxes…and had a chance to unpack them, she'd have remembered…they would have triggered her memory with very special moments," and he kissed her tears away.

"Thank you," she said, "for making me see things differently…for giving me a glimpse of hope…about my mother…that she kept those things because she loved me."

"You know she loved you," Derek told her, "at the end…she let you know…how very proud she was of you."

"She did," Meredith said, "thank you."

"I love you," he said and kissed her softly.

"Derek," she said quietly, "would you like to read them…her diaries?"

"If you want me to," he said.

"I do," she told him, "when I'm ready, we can read them together, some of it is probably interesting…and maybe you'll help me to understand her better…" she paused, "help me make sure…I don't become like her."

"You are not like her," he cupped her face. "I don't have to read them to know that, and that you won't become like her."

"You're so sure," Meredith said.

"I am," he told her, "I have no doubts…you will become what she wanted for you…to be extraordinary. As a doctor yes, but most of all…an extraordinary person…a friend, wife…and one day …a mother our children will love and adore…just as I do."

"I love you Derek," she wrapped her arms around him, "don't ever let me forget…this moment...if I ever forget…remind me…"

"You won't forget," he kissed her, "you know…when I have those feelings…"

"Yes," she said.

"You won't forget…"

"I hope not," she said, and he heard the trace of doubts. "Derek…when we were in Venice…you said we could look at those results…the tests that were done for my mother to participate in the trial…that you'd looked at them…can we do that…follow up … I'd like to know…if I'm…"

"You're not like your mother," he told her, "and you're not going to be like her…but we'll look…we'll look into it."

The night was bittersweet, as they fell asleep in each other's arms. It was a night for comfort and tenderness given the seriousness of the topics discussed.

The comforter on their bed was like a canvas, where the sun's early morning rays danced happily as the dawn of a new day was about to be welcomed with renewed optimism.

"Meredith," Derek spoke quietly, as she felt the moistness of his lips on her neck, and his hands began to roam along the curve of her body, "are you sleeping?" He asked the same question she had the night before.

"Uhmm…why…" she responded, his hands and lips already awakening her, her soft moans an aphrodisiac as always.

"I want to make love to my wife," he said, pressing her body closer to hers, his desire for her more than evident, "and we don't have to be in till ten this morning…don't want to waste the next three hours."

"What's stopping you," she teased, and he could picture the smile on her face.

"You…being asleep…" he teased back. "I want you fully awake…"

"I am," she whispered and turned to face him, "as are you…" she smiled and kissed him, and they would lay in bed later, both breathless and completely sated, and joke about some of the last few days' events.

"So," Derek chuckled, "you'd never heard that saying, "in like a lion, out like a lamb."

"Yes, " she told him, as her kisses left a trail from his neck to his chest, before eventually traveling lower, "but never paid attention…but…of all those comparisons you made, there's one that doesn't fit…for sure…" she continued her path, determined to enjoy all of their favorite things.

"Which didn't fit," he asked her, "I think they were all petty accurate…"

"You…and me…"

"You and me," he asked with a twinkle in his eyes.

"In like a lion," she smiled, "but definitely not out like a lamb…" she teased, "my lion's roars…definitely heard…all morning long," she said as they both indeed roared with laughter.


	209. Chapter 209

_A/N 28 FEB10 - Thank you again for reading and sincere appreciation to each of you that read and commented on both(195) chapters. It threw me for a loop because I could really see the difference between the show's voices vs. those I've been writing about in SD. Apologies again, hope this has recaptured the tone always intended for Meredith & Derek in this story._

_While reading over some chapters as I worked to get the tone back for the characters here, I have to tell you I got a real kick out of having used this dialogue, way back as Derek said, "yes, dear…" to Meredith, a few months earlier than on Grey's!!! __Ch 178 – Shattered Dreams – 8/24/09- "That's my quota of rambling for the day," Derek said, earning a light smack from Meredith, "ass."_

_"Yes, dear… I love you too," he said, before his wife shut him up with a kiss._

**Chapter 196 – Life's celebrations – Pt 1 **

Familial bonds and its corresponding nurturing, love and support were newly found emotions in Meredith Grey's life; her acceptance of it all, even more so, as she and Derek made last minute preparations for the first of many family gatherings and life's celebrations in the months ahead.

Once, long before her mother alienated her family and subsequently succumbed to Alzheimer's, Meredith had memories of some gatherings, especially that one aunt that never failed to say, "say when." These were the thoughts that came to her mind very unexpectedly.

"Hey," Derek's voice snapped her out of her recollections, "penny for your thoughts."

"Hey," she turned and smiled at him, "I didn't hear you."

"What were you thinking about," Derek said as he walked up to her and wrapped his arms around her. "You looked serious, yet…there was a smile on your face."

"I had an aunt," she told him, "whenever she poured anything, she'd tell us to say when, and of course we were kids, and never did."

"You've never mentioned that," he said as he nuzzled her neck.

"My mother," Meredith said, "managed to alienate all her family, long before she got sick."

"You could always get in touch with them."

"It doesn't matter," she said, "not anymore. With my Mom gone, what's the sense, I'm sure they heard about it, and they could have made the effort to get in touch with me too…it's been so many years."

"Mer," he said softly, "if you ever change your mind..."

"No," she turned to face him, "I have a family…a wonderful family…here…and thanks to you…your family too, and our kids," she kissed his lips softly, "one day will have what I didn't. That's more than enough."

"You had a smile…maybe…"

"She wasn't bad, that aunt. But, I'm happy...with your family, ours…I never knew what it meant to have that. Unconditional love…you can see that amongst you…and the support system…it's more than I ever imagined."

"What made you think of her?" Derek prodded, wondering if she really was ok with leaving that part of her mother's family in the past.

"I was thinking," she smiled as she wrapped her arms around his neck, "how very lucky I am…to have my friends who are my family…and yours…and that I cannot think of more wonderful and amazing…quirky," she giggled, "aunts and uncles our kids will have."

"I think they will be very spoiled kids," Derek smiled at her, "and we're going to need to keep an eye on some of the things…those aunts and uncles are going to teach them…"

"You mean," her laughter always pleased him, "that you don't want crap or dude…being the first words out of their mouth, and that we may somehow have to control Jenna's pouting to get what she wants and what appears to be inherited betting tendencies from all our family members?"

"Something like that," he chuckled, and then cocking his head slightly and smiling at her made her lose all sense of time and place and gave in to the pleasure of his lips on hers and his tongue gently teasing hers.

"Dude, he must take something. He's old, can't possibly be up to sex all the time, they were at it this morning before they left the house…and last night."

Derek and Meredith pulled apart and found three pairs of eyes on them, and the sound of another car arriving followed by and doors closing quickly.

"Alex," Meredith said, as she settled back in Derek's arms, "you didn't tell us you found a new place to live."

"I didn't," Alex smirked, "Mer what are you talking about?"

"We gave you fair warning," Meredith shrugged.

"You idiot," Izzie smacked his arm, "see what you did. Now, I'll probably have to start looking for a place to live too, why can't you be more discreet like George," she referred to their friend who'd actually driven to Bainbridge.

"Karev," Mark drawled as he, Cristina and Lexie joined the rest, "what did you do? Bet on how loud they can get in the wild?" Mark chuckled, since they'd witnessed the romantic scene interrupted as they drove up.

Derek watched their family's interactions with mild amusement.

"Not quite," George mumbled.

"Come on Bambi," Cristina joked, "how much worse could it be?"

"What's the big deal," Alex said, "it's nothing to be ashamed of," he smirked, "so I suggested he needs a little help…"

"Have you not heard me mention Mr. Incredible?" Cristina asked him. "Are you stupid…questioning his…prowess, and expecting not to be kicked out?"

"I didn't question it," Alex said, "I just made a comment."

"Yes," Meredith glared at him, "one of many inappropriate comments."

"You're mad?" Cristina asked her, "seriously?"

"I think," Meredith told them all, "the obsession all of you have with our sex life is becoming a bit disturbing."

"Karev," Derek said, "doesn't matter what you think…or suggest…it's only what Mer thinks," he smiled at her, "and I don't think she has any complaints."

"None at all," Meredith ignored her friends and kissed him hard on the mouth, and Derek purposely though briefly deepened their kiss.

"Mer…" Cristina said, "really…spare us…we get it…"

"Yeah," Alex said snorted, "but you're not."

"You are an idiot," Cristina told him. "Derek," she addressed him by his first name, "I agree with you, kick them out. Married people want privacy not a frat house."

"Cristina," Izzie said, "you already stole an apartment from me once, so just shut up…and don't encourage the idea anymore…"

"Relax Stevens," Derek told her, as he pulled Meredith close to him, "we're not kicking you out."

"Yet," Cristina mumbled.

"Yet," Derek agreed.

"Yet…Derek…" Izzie whined. "That's not very reassuring…"

"Iz," Alex said smugly, "he's not going to kick us out. Mer won't let him."

"Shep," Mark said, "just for that…and his earlier comment, I'd kick his ass out."

"I agree with Mark," Cristina said. "This is your chance. I think Mer's pissed enough to go along with it."

"You always do that…Cristina," Izzie started to say and more bickering followed as Alex joined in and their voices rose.

"Children…children…" George moved to stand in front of Alex and Izzie, "behave."

"George," Derek chuckled, "I think you have it right. Kids…behave, or we'll have to send you to your room…and…"

Meredith laughed at his comment and whispered something in his ear that made him laugh as well, "we should be so lucky."

"Lexie," Mark said, "you're awfully quiet."

"Yes," Meredith agreed, "you are. What's going on?"

"You know Lexie," Izzie said, "you're allergic to eggs…maybe you have more allergies…and you're allergic to all the pesticides in the apartment…"

"What…are you talking about?" Meredith asked.

"Their apartment," Izzie said in her usual perky tone, "kind of roach infested."

"It's what!" Meredith exclaimed. "Lexie, is she kidding, why are you two living like that?"

"Mer," George said, "it's not that bad…that was only at the beginning."

"It's not bad Mer," Lexie told her. "George and I fixed it up…"

George chimed in, "and the landlord agreed to hire a professional pest control company."

"Yeah…but that didn't solve the little critters," Izzie said. "George, remember Ratatouille? You can't even keep my muffins there."

"You had rats?" Meredith's tone rose. "You're living with rats?"

"Iz," Alex said, "what the hell's wrong with you? Pretty soon Mer's going to be kicking us both out and have Bambi and Xena move in since they won't complain."

"Mer," Cristina said, "you know the movie's about a rat? Since when do you keep up with kids films?"

"I didn't see it Cristina," Meredith told her. "But, there were plenty of commercials advertising it."

"George, Izzie, Alex," Derek said, "we're glad you could join us."

"What the hell are we?" Mark said.

"Chopped…" Cristina paused, "ratatouilles…"

"Not funny," Meredith told her, though everyone else laughed.

"The rest of you have been here," Derek said, as he reached for Meredith's hand and squeezed it. "But, we are glad we were finally able to come up with a date all of you could be here."

"Yes," Meredith squeezed his hand back. "I can't believe we had to postpone twice before everyone could make it," she smiled. "After all…dinner's courtesy your many bets."

"See," Cristina said, "we did a good thing, it paid for the meal," she smiled at her friend. "Thankfully, we knew we were safe since it was Shepherd cooking."

"Mer," Izzie said, "I baked a cake…chocolate, your favorite recipe," Izzie smiled at her, beaming in fact.

"Barbie," Cristina said, "you can stop gloating. We all know Mer was forced to admit she was falling in love with Shepherd…thanks to an overdose of sugar and chocolate," and she and Derek exchanged smiles, which did not go unnoticed by Meredith.

"Just for that Izzie," Derek chuckled, "think of that cake as your get out of jail card."

"Get out of jail card…" Izzie repeated, "as in Monopoly?"

"Good analogy. What's it going to get her Derek?" Cristina joked, "an extra three days before having to move out?"

"Something like that," Derek chuckled, while Cristina laughed.

Meredith decided, for the time being, to ignore the looks exchanged again between her husband and friend.

"You're seriously talking about a game…Mer…and joking about us moving out?" Izzie commented.

"Told you," Mer shrugged, purposely taunting her, "husband trumps…"

"Mer…" Izzie whined, "I can't help if evil spawn is an idiot…"

"It's up to him," Meredith winked at Derek.

"I saw that," Izzie said, "you winked at him…and that's really mean …playing with our mind…really Mer…it's enough to drive anyone insane."

"Hey," Cristina muttered, "if the shoe fits…"

"Bitch," Izzie mumbled.

"Ok then," Derek interrupted, "Mer and I wasted a lot of time this morning and…"

"Dr. Shepherd," George said, "I don't think you need to tell us about that."

Derek chuckled, "George, believe me, I'm not. But, you can all help set everything up. Mark, help out here…you know where everything is," he said and the friends worked in unison to get firewood, food and drinks ready for what all considered a celebration with family, the first of many to take place on their land.

"Lexie," Meredith said before her sister could join the other, "will you help me bring some things out for the barbecue?"

"Sure," Lexie said and followed her sister.

"What's going on Lexie?" Meredith asked as soon as they were alone in the trailer.

"What…what are you talking about?"

"Lexie, you talk a lot…and ramble on," Meredith tried to joke with her, "unlike me…"

"Unlike you," Lexie took the bait, "you have got to be kidding…I've never heard anyone ramble on like you do Mer…even when I was a little kid and it would drive Mom crazy…and Molly could never get a word in…you're much worse…or just as bad."

"My point," Meredith laughed, "you have been very quiet."

"It's nothing."

"Sit down," Meredith told her and joined her at the narrow dining table, "and tell me."

"Mer…really, I'm fine…"

"Are you?" Meredith asked, "because you see, I think we have more in common than rambling and liking strawberry ice cream," and demonstrating with her hands she added "and the hand thing you first brought to my attention…and for that reason I know that all is not fine."

"Meredith," her sister said, "it's not important…not right now."

"I think," Meredith told her, "it's very important, obviously it matters to you."

"I don't want to bother you with any of this…"

"Lexie, I'm asking you…you're my sister and you've been there for me, just as I want to be there for you when you need me."

"Mer," Lexie said, "it's silly ok…and you…what you had…"

"Lexie," Meredith interrupted her as she placed her hand on her sister's arm, "I'm your sister, it doesn't matter what it is that makes us sad or quiet…I'm learning that it's important to be there, for whatever reasons…and I want to be here for you…"

Lexie placed a hand over Meredith's, "thank you," and smiled.

"Not to mention, it's embarrassing that the little sister is better at this than I am, but I'm trying…I'll learn I promise."

"You're wrong," Lexie smiled at her, "you're very good at it…being the older sister."

"If you say so," Meredith smiled at her.

"I do," Lexie told her.

"So…"

"It's George," Lexie blurted.

"What about George?"

"I said something really stupid…and now it's been really awkward between us."

"What did you say?"

"I kind of hinted I had a crush on him…or really…it was…or maybe I mumbled that I love him…and he doesn't feel the same way…and it's embarrassing and kind of uncomfortable sometimes…and Mark picked up on it, and he's been teasing me about it, and he didn't even ask for me after he passed his exam, you know …he never really felt that way about me…doesn't even notice me… and you slept with him…"

"I did ask," Meredith took a deep breath.

"Yes," Lexie said and sighed, "you did," and melodramatically put her head down on the table top, and that was how Derek found the two sisters.

"Everything ok?" Derek asked.

"Yes," they both said in the same exact tone.

"Really," Derek questioned, "neither of you is very convincing."

"She knows about George," Meredith mumbled, "and thinks she's in love with him…or has a crush on him…which sounds like high school."

"Derek knows," Lexie lifted her head and muttered.

"He does," Meredith said.

"We were friends," Derek said, "friends share things."

"You told him you slept with George," Lexie repeated, "and it doesn't bother you?"

"I never said it didn't bother me," Derek responded.

"He was very angry with me," Meredith told her sister.

"I was not angry," Derek told her.

"Excuse me," Cristina popped her head in the trailer, "we're you're guests…and we're out side…so what are you doing in here? You need better hosting skills Shepherd."

"That's Mer's job," Derek said very nonchalant, "she's the wife, that's what wives do."

"I'm what!!!!!"

"Mer," he chuckled, "I'm teasing."

"You better be," she said.

"Of course dear," he teased, "whatever you say."

"Ass."

"She loves me," Derek said as he kissed Meredith temple, and turned to the two women who were both sisters and friends to his wife, "you realize that right?"

"Shepherd," Cristina shook her head, "get your butt out there and start cooking, I didn't have breakfast and I'm starving," and turned before walking out the door, "Mer, Lexie…get your asses out there."

"Lexie," Derek said, "for the record. I wasn't mad, I was jealous."

Meredith smiled at his admission, "for the record...sometimes…I really am kidding when I call you an ass," she said and heard him and Cristina both chuckling after leaving the trailer.

"I think I'm going to begin worrying about those two," Meredith said.

"What are you talking about?"

"Haven't you noticed," Meredith said, "they've been friendly with each other, exchanging these glances…as though they are in agreement."

"But they are," Lexie said, "I mean they have been…both of them really just concerned about you, and he wouldn't even tell me about it, he just spoke to Cristina about…"

"Lexie," Meredith stopped her, "what are you talking about, and do not ramble. Focus."

"I think they really want to have our help out there."

"Lexie…you are not supposed to keep secrets from your older sister."

"You're not being fair. He's my brother in law, and I like him…and I trust him because he makes you happy. But he was right…I can't keep a secret…so…"

"Lexie," Meredith said firmly.

"He's never going to believe me…when I say I can keep a secret," Lexie said melodramatically again, and plopped her head on the table top, before she told her sister what she'd been rambling about.

"Lexie," Meredith smiled at her. "I'm very glad you're in my life."

"I'm never going to find out anything…ever…" she whined, Meredith thought just like a kid, which part of her realized she kind of was at twenty four. "I'm going to have to hear everything through the rumor mill because Derek will never trust I can keep a secret."

"You knew," Meredith said, "you were going to be an aunt before anyone else did."

"Oh…" Lexie's eyes watered, "Meredith…I'm sorry…I am…I didn't mean to make you sad…and now…"

"You didn't," Meredith told her. "Hey, he knows if it's important you can keep a secret."

"Meredith," her sister smiled at her, "I really try…but…he was right, it's just like the betting…I can't bet on my sister…and I want you to trust me…so I can't lie…and I'm a bad liar anyway," and she placed her hand over Meredith's arm this time, "and I'm glad…so glad I was right about him being my brother in law."

"So am I," Meredith said, as she lightly rubbed her wedding band. "You were bound and determined about it," she laughed softly.

"Meredith," Lexie said, "thank you."

"For what?" Meredith asked surprised.

"Letting me in your life…"

"Fate," Meredith said, as she rubbed the top of her wedding band again while a smile graced her face. "It was meant to happen …for us…to be sisters."

"Yeah," Lexie smiled. "I think," she said, "I know…Mom would be so happy."

"I think she is happy," Meredith said, "I think you were right about that too. That she knows," and squeezed her sister's hand.

"Mer," Lexie said, "I'm here…whenever you need me. Even if I act like an immature idiot sometimes."

"Well," Meredith laughed softly, though both sisters spoke through sentimental tears. "If that happens…I just have to remind you I'm the older sister."

"Yeah," Lexie agreed, "you'll have to do that. "Mer," Lexie said, "can you tell me…about George?"

"I can," Meredith said and told Lexie about her ill fated night with George.

"Thanks for trusting me," Lexie said. "I love you Meredith."

"I love you too Lexie," Meredith said, and the sisters spoke several more minutes before joining the others.

"We thought we were going to have to send a search party for you," George joked, and there was a hint of embarrassment, one that had been there since he'd realized Lexie seemed to have a crush on him.

"You got here just in time," Mark said, "we need to find some firewood for …"

"Firewood," Meredith countered, "that you want us to find…instead of the four of you," the reference was clearly about the men, "finding and lugging it here?"

"Grey," Mark teased her, "you surprise me, that's a pretty sexist remark."

"I choose to spend my time in a trailer in the woods," she told him, "and you think I have a problem finding wood?"

"Mer," Cristina said, "you only do that so you can be loud; away from the annoying frat house."

"Yang," Alex smirked, "we're no frat house."

"I think she may be right," Izzie said, "given you act like an immature jerk bringing nurses home indiscriminately…"

"When did you become Mother Theresa?" Alex countered.

"At least," Izzie argued, "I don't go around…"

"Ok," George interrupted, "enough about the nurses."

"That's right," Izzie said, "I forgot you and Alex like the same type of women."

"Ouch," Mark mumbled.

"Dr. Sloan," Izzie said, "did you say something?"

"Not at all."

"Sloan, I didn't take you for a wimp," Cristina said, comfortable in the relationship that had been established between them since the wedding in Venice; both knowing when they could joke with one another.

"Yang," Mark warned.

"You don't want to say it, but I can," Cristina responded. "The same taste," she had a wicked grin, "or rather bad taste, got them both a nice case of syph."

"Cristina," George yelled at her.

"It's true Bambi, and then Alex was stupid enough to screw her, literally, when he knew Izzie was all infatuated with him."

"Leave me out of this," Izzie told her. "I don't talk about your relationship with Burke," and that was the beginning of an evening none of them would ever forget, as the five interns that met with only one thing in common, strengthened the bonds that made them a family.

"Izzie," Cristina said, referring to Burke's mention, "being around evil spawn is contagious, you used to be less…abrasive."

"Maybe," George said to Cristina, "that comes from hanging around you."

"Bambi," Cristina took it in stride, "I'm proud of you. Stood up to me…there's hope for you yet."

"Let's not forget," Alex said later in the evening, when it was fair to say all had enough drinks to make their tongues loser than normal, "we've all seen your panties…"

"What…" echoed the women.

"Izzie," Alex said, "you go around in Hello Kitty underwear; Mer had her black panties up on the bulleting board and Cristina…we all saw yours before Bailey ordered you back to bed after your surgery. Red, nice too," and in spite of themselves they all laughed over his observations, and the rest of their time together was spent relaxing and enjoying themselves; the camaraderie and genuine affection for each other an indisputable sentiment amongst them.

"Ok," Meredith walked up to Derek and Cristina when there was finally a moment the three of them were alone. "What the hell's wrong with you two?"

"What are you talking?" Derek said.

"What's wrong?" Cristina said, and again just the slightest exchange of glances.

"You…the two of you are agreeing and joking with each other. That tells me something's definitely wrong," Meredith glared at them both.

"Mer," Cristina said. "Chill out. You'd think we never got along before."

"You haven't," Meredith told her. "Need I remind you?"

"Shepherd," Cristina shrugged, and before walking away said, "do something about your wife. Maybe she's hanging around Lexie too much…you know…sisterly and…"

"Derek," Meredith insisted, "something's definitely off here…"

"Can't you accept we're getting along better?"

"No."

"Meredith," he said softly, holding her close to him, "can you accept we both care about you…"

"Yes…"

"That's all there is…"

"It started," she paused, "with…Lisette's…"

"Yes," he said simply, words unnecessary in regard to the attempt to keep her busy and distracted in the days that were to follow, and he and felt her arms tighten around him.

"Thank you," she said and kissed his lips tenderly. "I love you."

"I love you," Derek said before kissing her back, "there's nothing I wouldn't do…to keep you from being unhappy," and ignored their friends briefly.

"Knock it off you two," Cristina said, "you can manage to keep your hands off each other long enough to…"

"Dude, you're lucky you don't live with us, we have to endure this constantly."

"Karev," Mark commented, "I'd keep my mouth shut in your shoes…I think Grey's probably willing to go along with anything Shep says right now."

"He's right Alex," George said, "I'd make an effort keeping my mouth shut, and just so you know there's a vacancy in our apartment building."

"George," Izzie said, "are you out of your mind? That place is a dump."

"Yeah," George answered, "but considering what little you both pay Mer for rent, it may be all you can afford."

"They're not kicking us out," Alex smirked. "And right now, they don't even know we're here…they should probably just go in that trailer…"

"That trailer," Meredith said suddenly, not so oblivious to their surroundings, "is our home. So, I'd say you should listen to George," she said and walked over to the gentlest of their friends. "And before you keep knocking our home, take a look inside," she said.

"It's nicer than what you own," Izzie glared at Alex.

"I don't see you owning anything either… Dr. Model…"

"You ass," Izzie glared at him again.

"I think those two," Mark leaned over to Cristina and Lexie who were sitting closest to him, "just need to screw each other senseless."

"Mark," Lexie chastised, "just because you think that's the solution to everything."

"No," Cristina said, "I think he's on to something."

"Kids," Derek said, jokingly referring to the three as his family had. "What are you conspiring about?"

"Nothing Dad," Cristina joked back. "We're behaving."

"Behaving …" Derek chuckled, "I'd bet…"

"Derek," Meredith said, "don't tell me you're going to follow in their footsteps?"

"It's just an expression," Derek grinned at her, and placed his arm around her waist.

"What were the three of you talking about?" Meredith insisted herself.

"Alex and Izzie," Lexie said.

"What about them?" Meredith asked.

"They need to release all their sexual frustration," Mark said, "with each other."

"Stop talking about us," Izzie said, "we can hear you."

"Then," Cristina said, "you'd be wise to consider the advice."

"Manwhore's advice?" Izzie said, "seriously?"

"Yeah," Cristina said. "Can't hurt."

"Cristina, just because you're not getting…" Izzie contradicted her, "doesn't mean…"

"Iz," Alex mumbled, "I'm game."

"You …you…" Izzie shouts him, "are…unbelievable," and walks away annoyed.

"That worked well," Mark drawled.

"Oh, shut up," both Lexie and Cristina tell him.

"Kids," Derek said again, knowing it annoyed them a bit, "help us clean up."

"Mom," Cristina whined to Meredith. "Dad's not being fair."

"You're all nuts," Meredith shook her head and played along, "listen to your father, do as he says and clean up before the bears come for a picnic."

"Bears," Alex said, "Mer…you guys have bears…I don't like bears, they can rip you apart in seconds… I'm getting the hell out of here."

"Wimp," Izzie said.

"Wimp…dude, I'd like to see any of your reactions if you came upon a bear."

"We don't have bears," Meredith said.

"Mer … Shepherd just said," George commented.

"George," Meredith said, "we've never seen a bear on this land."

"Yeah," Cristina quipped, "cause you pick up the food."

"We don't have bears," Meredith insisted, not quite as certain, "right Derek?"

"That's right," he said, "and we want to keep it that way."

"Whaaat…" Meredith turned to him.

"I'm joking," Derek assured her. "Let's get going, so we can get to the cliff while it's still light enough," he said, and everyone indeed helped with the clean up process leaving no trace of the barbecue that had included the finest cuts of meat, chicken, fish and so much food that all would be taking doggie bags home.

"Dr. Shepherd," George started to say as they all worked alongside each other.

"George," Derek said, "you're a friend…one of Mer's family, our family, can you please make it Derek?"

George O'Malley smiled at the man that he'd come to respect; as a professional it began when he'd admitted to his error over an anesthesiologists drunkenness, and on a personal level it had taken much longer than owning up to his relationship with Meredith. But now, had no doubts Derek Shepherd loved his friend and that they belonged together.

"Derek," George said, "there's no way the bet money covered what you spent here today," he referred to the food and liquor.

"It's the first time you're all here," Derek told him, "we had to make a good impression, given it's a trailer you know," and both men chuckled.

"This," Derek said once they'd all reached the cliff, and it was light enough to get an amazing view of Seattle, "is where Meredith and I will build our home."

"Wow," Izzie said, "it's beautiful…Mer…the view…"

Derek and Meredith's hands were entwined as they stood and smiled at each other.

"Derek," George said, "it's amazing…Mer said it was, but this is really incredible."

"Dude…this had to cost a fortune," Alex felt the smack on the back of his head.

"What…it's true. Shit, Iz that hurts."

"Alex, must you always be so crass?" Izzie reprimanded.

"He knows," Alex told her. "I bet he doesn't mind...and you're probably thinking it too, not the same kind of trailer park you grew up in."

"I don't know why I even talk to you," Izzie turned and walk away from him.

"I don't mind," Derek chuckled, not hearing the last part of his comment, while he and Meredith walked closer to the cliff.

"The plans you had," George said, "I think are going to be great for here."

"I hope so," Derek told him.

"I think you're pretty sure of it," George smiled at him and Meredith.

"Meredith wants some changes," Derek said, "and she can do whatever she wants."

"Totally whipped," they heard Cristina say, "Sloan you have him pegged."

"Told you," Mark said to her, "you're the one that still had doubts."

"Ok…so you were right." Cristina said.

"Yeah…" Mark said, "which means you were wrong."

"Whatever," Cristina walked away.

"Yang," Mark said, "I admit when I'm wrong…so you have to."

"Ok you two," Lexie said, "I heard enough of this on the way to Venice…and now, I think all three of us agree they've both become totally sappy and embarrassingly sentimental with their displays of affection…everywhere…which I think it's nice, I don't have a problem with it…but if they're happy."

"What is it with everyone?" Derek commented, "surely we're not the only normal couple they know that …"

"Derek," Meredith giggled, "look around…are any of them acting like normal adults, and none are in relationships now…and do you really think we're normal?"

"I think we're perfectly normal newlyweds…that appreciate what it means to have found each other."

"My sappy…mushy…sentimental…"

"Who cares?" he nuzzled her neck.

"I don't," she turned and wrapped her arms around his neck and smiled in anticipation of his kiss.

"Good," Derek said, "cause neither do I."

"I'm perfectly happy with my sexy…insatiable…husband," she teased his lips.

"Mer," Izzie said, "Derek, you don't have to rub in all the happy Mr and Mrs. Mcdreamy moments."

"You're just jealous Stevens," Mark drawled.

"So are you then," Alex said, "now that Tracy dumped you."

"Alex," Lexie defended Mark, "she did not dump him…they…"

"Of course she dumped him," Alex said. "She's dating someone else."

"You're just a jerk," Lexie told Alex, "ever since you had to show George up in the elevator. I don't understand you Alex…why you have to do that."

"Hey," Alex said, "I tell the truth. He knew all that shit cause he was repeating…"

"Enough," Meredith said, "let's enjoy the rest of the evening."

"You're a good kid Lexie," Mark told her.

"I'm not a kid Mark."

"You're Grey's younger sister," he told her. "I better think of you as a kid for a good long while," he said and Cristina frowned as she overhead him.

"I admit," Lexie said, "you're a lot older…but that shouldn't make a difference. Mark we've been friends, ever since we were going to be godparents…together…"

"Yes," Mark smiled at her, "we are, and we still have that role ahead of us one day."

"Mer," George said in a moment they had alone together, "after being here…seeing this is what he'd planned for you…you don't know how much I wish I'd kept my mouth shut…about…"

"George," Meredith stopped him, "I have no regrets."

"You were hurt," George said, the reference related to the nurse, "it meant nothing…I should learn to be discreet."

"You know what," Meredith smiled at him and walked with him toward the cliff, "the fact that Derek and I are together, that all of you are here with us, sharing this place where we will build our home…it doesn't matter how we got here…what matters is that we did…and every obstacle in our way made us stronger…and we're happy…and committed to each other and our marriage, and I think, we probably needed to go through all of that to get to this moment, so just know that every step we took…good and bad led us to this, and this is…" she took a deep breath, "it's just…"

"Spectacular," he said as he glanced to the view on the horizon and then back to the look of happiness on Meredith's face.

"Yes…" Meredith smiled and reached for his hand and squeezed it reassuringly, "spectacular."

The others had followed Derek's lead and gone to retrieve the blankets Derek had anticipated they'd need to just sit around comfortably to watch the sunset. But, Mark had insisted it be a hell of a lot more comfortable to sit on chairs, and drove back the short distance to the trailer to get some the recently acquired folding chairs and somehow a comment from Cristina and Lexie lead to building a bonfire and roasting marshmallows as the friends sat around and shared anecdotes and laughter.

"You're joking Mark," Izzie laughed, as they sat around the fire, "you're probably making that up."

"I'm not," he laughed, "ask Shep."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Derek said as he winked at Meredith.

"Mark is putting you on Izzie," Meredith said, "that's really a description of himself."

"Shep…Grey," Mark said with a glint of mischief, "you want to play it that way, fine…" he smiled. "Not only did he have an afro that weighed more than he did, and a bit of wind could topple him over in that band geek uniform of his…it also took till his…"

"Whatever you are going to say," Meredith said to Mark, "you better make damn sure you don't…"

"Mer," Mark smiled at her, "are you always going to hold something over my head...every time I attempt to say something to embarrass your husband?"

"Probably," Meredith's carefree laughter made everyone join in, and they continued to find ways to make fun of each other, as well as share so many of the moments that had made them a family, not all perfect or appropriate comments, but they all had led to the support system they found in each other.

"Mer," George said, "remember the darts game...you were right…Derek was an ass."

"I think the banana bag…the day of the train wreck…that day was bad…and you," Alex turned to Derek, "were an ass."

"I've never felt so loved," Derek joked, knowing they'd reached the point where they could openly discuss this without recriminations or anger.

"You made the wrong choice," Alex insisted; protective of Meredith in his own way.

"I know I did," Derek owned up to it, and felt her hand in his, squeezing gently.

"Mer…" Izzie decided to lighten the mood, "I was so mortified when I blurted out that I'd put away the condoms in the cookie jar and all the trashy magazines and Mrs. Shepherd walked in to your house and heard me…"

Derek actually chuckled, "she said she'd heard of them both, and went on to remind us she'd had five kids."

"Heard of them," Alex joked, "didn't believe in them."

"Thank God," Mark said, "otherwise…Mer would be missing half her family, and she likes the younger sisters…so it's a good thing they had the five kids."

"Dr. Sloan," George said out of the blue, "how many kids do you plan on having?"

"Haven't thought of it O'Malley…" Mark said, and turned to Lexie, "what to you think Lexie, think I'd ever make a good father?"

"How would she know?" Cristina answered and looked over at Meredith.

"She went shopping with me," Mark said, "for some kid stuff, she can have an opinion."

"I think," Lexie said, though she first looked over at George with slight melancholy, "he would make a very good father. He gets along great with kids, I've seen him…he acts like them a lot."

"You're supposed to be my friend," Mark said indignantly, and the entire group began a discussion of the likelihood Mark could be mature enough for the role of fatherhood, which resulted in much teasing and laughter.

"So," Meredith wrapped her Derek's arms tighter around her body as she relaxed against him, both sitting on one of the two large comfortable chairs they'd decided to leave on the cliff months before, for the times they could enjoy moments as this. "Lexie told me all about your lack of trust in her…"

"That's not true," Derek turned her face to look at him, "I trust her…Mer…she actually said that, she doesn't think that I do?"

"Not quite like that," Meredith continued to speak quietly but then she paused.

"What are you thinking?"

"Look," she said, "Izzie and Alex…did you notice?" she asked him.

"I did," Derek said, "he helped her get up from the blanket…and now…"

"They're walking very close to each other," Meredith observed, "getting closer to the cliff."

"Mer," Cristina said suddenly, having noticed the same thing, "you don't think Alex's going to push her off the cliff do you?"

"More like Izzie would," George joked, "if he keeps making waves with Dr… with Derek and doesn't shut up about…well, you know…you two are loud. I remember."

"George," Derek said, "I don't pay any attention to him. If they don't like that we're loud…tough…"

"That's why I gave you all earplugs," Mark said. "Use them," and they all laughed, and the banter continued between Cristina, Mark, Lexie and George as they alternated between sitting on chairs and the ground closer to the fire, a marshmallow roasted every so often. "Lex, want another s'more?"

"Yeah," Lexie said as they both went toward fire and began to put the chocolate and graham crackers together, and Lexie ended up giggling over whatever Mark said, "it's a good thing you remember to bring these."

"We had a campfire before," Mark said, "remember when the kids were here?"

"It was funny," Lexie continued talking, as they leaned in toward the other in intimate proximity. "That it was Bailey who thought to bring graham crackers and chocolate with bags of marshmallows."

"Think that was one of the hottest days of the year, who'd think of a campfire, but it worked," they both were smiling, "but today I knew the temperature was going to drop, and having a fire would be great."

"God help me," Derek mumbled.

Cristina exchanged glances with Meredith and they both smiled, "God help him," Cristina laughed, "if Xena 2 gets a hold of him."

"Derek…" Meredith glanced over to Mark and Lexie, "you said…"

"Meredith, you heard him, he knows he's too old…don't jump to …"

"I'm not jumping," she said, "she's my sister…my younger sister."

"Don't worry so much," he told her.

"I have to…" Meredith said, "she worries about me…and…"

"Yes," Derek kissed her temple, "she does, and I'm glad…that you care and worry about her too."

"Cristina," Meredith said, "go over there…"

"I'm not a fifth wheel."

"Just do it," Meredith told her.

"Mer…" Cristina whined.

"Do it," Meredith told her, "besides, be a good friend, bring me a s'more."

"Get McDreamy to do it," Cristina said as she got up.

"I'll go," Derek said.

"Derek," Cristina laughed, "I'll get it. It's an excuse, she just wants me to play chaperone."

"Our kids," Derek teased as he heard the new quarreling followed by laughter.

"Can you imagine," Meredith turned to him, "one day…having kids that old?"

"Oh, yes…" Derek smiled and kissed her softly. "Making s'mores…right here…on this cliff."

"So can I," Meredith said, "I can feel it…so clearly…and even…the three of them…bickering still...and their own kids," she said and he felt her shiver in his arms.

"Hey, you ok?"

"Uhmm…"

"Meredith…"

"You know…" she said, "it's just odd…"

"What is…" he said as his hands caressed the length of her arms, warming her.

"I have this sense…such a strong feeling…of one day being here, just like we are now, roasting marshmallows at night and kids running around…and Mark and Cristina still arguing …and Lexie and us…but…the others…"

"You mean Izzie and Alex…"

"And George," Meredith said, "it doesn't feel like they're there…it's odd…you know…"

"Uhmmm…maybe not," Derek said, "we don't know where everyone will end up, opportunities come up…"

"Derek…" Meredith turned to him, "but…I feel…I really do…that we'll be here, grow old together…here…"

"I feel the same way…" Derek said as he wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Here you go Mer," George brought her a s'more. "Derek, Cristina said you wouldn't want one."

"He's right George," Derek said, "I'm not much into sweets."

"I am," George said, "going back for one."

"So," Meredith said, "back to our earlier conversation. Lexie said she understood that you went to Cristina instead of her about the shower," she had found that it as much better to talk things through with him, and very rarely did they keep things from the other; finding time either driving to work together, or stolen moments they came across each other at the hospital or at the end of the day just catching up on how their day had unfolded to simply comment on insignificant things that either of them felt like sharing.

"She can't keep a secret from you," Derek said, "she feels she's being disloyal, and gives some of it away, even if she doesn't tell you what all of it is."

"That's not true," Meredith attempted to defend her sister.

"Really…remember the spa? She almost gave it away…"

"Fine," Meredith said, "but I prompted her."

"Mer," Derek told her, "I know there's nothing she wouldn't do for you, and if she knew how important it was, she'd keep a secret. But, she'd be miserable because she was lying to you and she can't hide it."

"That sounds like Lexie," Meredith smiled, "I told her the same thing, that I knew she'd always keep a secret if she knew it was important to me…like Brianna…she didn't …"

"She'd never betray your confidence…that's the bottom line…"

"Derek," Meredith shifted positions, putting her arms around his neck. "This is the first time all of them are here…our Seattle family, on our land. Thank you."

"What are you thanking me for?"

"Putting up with all of it…I know they're not the easiest bunch. The frat house, like Cristina says."

"Hey," Derek kissed her lips softly, "they love you…that's all I need to know."

"I love you Derek," she told him and put her head down on his shoulder.

"Meredith, I love you too," he said as his hands gently caressed her, while they watched their friends enjoying themselves in the ways they'd become familiar with over the years they'd been together, usually an insult or two making its way to the conversations.

"Derek…what are you thinking now?"

"That," he smiled, "this cliff…may hold special magical nights for others too."

"Our magical nights…" she smiled, "are too special to be shared by others," she told him as she kissed him, "but…they can have their own…"

"Fate," he said, and she felt the smile of his lips on her skin as he kissed her neck, and they watched Alex and Izzie in the distance, and the reflection of the moon exposed the kiss exchanged.

"Fate…" she said, "once upon a time…on a bright, clear…star filled night…"

"Your mommy and daddy," Derek teased, "were arguing while making s'mores and Aunt Cristina was playing chaperone…so they wouldn't burn their fingers…"

"Parents," she choked, "you're making them parents…together," and then laughed,

"Aunt Cristina was encouraging the fire…"

"Aunt Cristina," Derek laughed, "has been talking to my mother no doubt…and Kathleen…and my wife…"

"Derek," Meredith met his gaze, and he could see the twinkle in her eyes, "you know what I'm going to love…"

"What," he said as his lips brushed hers.

"To hear your story…the once upon a time…our kids will hear…"

"I'm going to practice…" he told her, "and make sure their mommy agrees…"

"As long," Meredith said, "as there's no mention of one night stands…and the wicked witch…"

"With red hair," he said and she giggled delightedly, "is never mentioned."

"Derek…we can tell them…how mommy and daddy…knew…the first time they walked on this land together…that…"

"They had found the love of their lives," he caressed her face tenderly, "and Meredith, we were never a one night stand…we were meant to be together that night…and from that moment…"

"We were," she agreed, "for a lifetime…" and his mouth captured hers and their commitment once again was sealed with a kiss.

The evening was winding down, everyone sitting with some type of drink in hand around the fire; its warmth needed in the mid October night, as the high 50's temperature enjoyed during the day began their descent into the forties that would welcome the morning.

"I think," George said, "before we leave, we should drink a toast to Dr. Shep…to Derek and Meredith at the place that will become their home," and each of the friends had something to add, from the obvious good wishes of good health and happiness to the less traditional toast to many years of loud married sex. The last of which was fulfilled as soon as they were alone together, and again with the rise of a new day.

"We should drink a toast to…relationships," Lexie said.

"Xena," Mark teased, "only one relationship in this group…sadly…only two people getting sex right now…"

"Seriously," Izzie said, "Dr. Sloan…Mark…you're not…since…Tracy."

"I've mended my ways…" he smirked.

"Right," Cristina laughed. "Nurses still have their club…"

"You need sex Yang," Mark told her.

"I'm not disagreeing," Cristina said.

"I think then," Lexie said, "we should drink to …"

"Sex," George slurred just a little, "for all of us…not together," he said and took a gulp of his drink.

"I think," Meredith interrupted, "we should drink a toast…to our friends…"

"Our family," Derek said.

"And," Meredith added, "that you each will be as lucky as Derek and me…in finding…your soul mate."

"McDreamy," Cristina said, "you've ruined her…"

"But," Derek said, "you like me anyway."

"Apparently," she said and held the glass up to him and met his gaze, "our truce is holding," and in that moment two very important things were established; silently they acknowledged that if things had been different, in a few weeks time they'd all have gathered again in celebration of a new life, which had become a short lived presence that had changed their lives forever; then, equally important, they accepted, without any doubts that their truce had become a friendship that would become stronger throughout their lifetime.

The sun had set by six fifteen the evening before, and after spending all afternoon together and the quick drop in temperature, everyone had left by eight, leaving Meredith and Derek to enjoy the rest of the evening alone.

"Were you surprised," Meredith said as she snuggled close to Derek early the following morning, "it was George that made a toast to loud…married sex," she giggled.

"Who'd have known," Derek said, "he'd become so lose tongued after a few drinks. Not to mention," Derek chuckled, "how drunk…on each other Izzie and Alex…"

"Derek," Meredith laughed, "that is the corniest thing you've said all morning…"

"Mer," he said, "they were pretty obvious. I'm surprised we didn't see money exchange hands between the others last night, I was expecting a new betting pool to get started."

"I know," Meredith laughed, "he's always had a thing for Izzie I think, but they spend so much time being antagonistic that…"

"I guess," Derek said, "we'll find out soon enough. Now, Dr. Grey…I think we have better things to do…"

"I have to get to work by eleven…"

"The sun's not up yet," his hands roamed her body, "it's barely six…which leaves us four hours…alone…in the wild," he joked about Mark's comment, "to enjoy whatever you…"

"Are you going to be my sex slave," she teased, as her hands reached for the hem of his t-shirt and then her mouth trailed kisses on his chest and came close to his nipple, "you haven't lived up to that in a long…"

"I haven't lived up to what," he said as he effortlessly and quickly pinned her body beneath his, and she forgot all but the pleasure of his mouth on her body.

This Sunday morning began as any other when they'd take immense pleasure in enticing each other awake; now the rising sun and the rays reflected directly from above on the bed, perfectly symbolized the warmth of their hearts and the undeniable heat and passion between them.

"Uhmm…" he smiled as her moans became increasingly louder and then, "oh my God, Derek…what are you doing…I …" she took a deep breath, "Derek…"

"Connecting the dots…" he said breathlessly.

"Please," she said, equally breathless, "don't…stop…"

Long after satisfying her request, they lay basking in the pleasure of their embrace, "Mer…was I a good sex slave…"

Her laughter echoed through the place they'd always cherish as the one where for the first time they'd mutually accepted their love, even if not to each other at the time. "I think," she said, "if you fulfill your role of sex slave any better…I won't be able to function, I'll become totally and completely addicted…"

"Uhmmm…" he smiled, "addicted to what in particular…"

"Your tongue," she teased, "connecting…the dots…and finding…the spots…"

"It's quite amazing, that your legs…have all these adorable freckles…that lead me exactly…and perfectly to…"

"Stop talking," Meredith said and kissed him, "it's my turn…"

"Really," he said, "you're going to be my sex slave?"

"It's only fair…" Meredith told him, "after all," she whispered in his ear, and before long, he cried out in pleasure, as his wife perfectly and expertly dedicated the morning to all of his favorite things.

"Mer," he said, "can you wake me like that…every morning…"

"Can you?" she said, and they burst out laughing.

"Only if we never work another day in our lives," he teased, "or we get used to a lot less sleep…so we can spend hours each morning…waking each other up…"

"Derek," she smiled, their naked bodies still intimately pressed together, "I love you."

"Meredith," he whispered, and her quiet moans followed, as his lips found spots that were left tingling with pleasure and desire, "I want you," he said, his voice hoarse "I love you…" she heard seconds before he joined their bodies for a second time that morning.

They had time for a little sleep before they had no choice but to get up; he did so first and made breakfast, and as the night had turned so cold, they chose not to go up on deck when they reached the ferry, instead sat inside, each enjoying a hot cup of coffee.

"Yesterday was nice," Meredith said as she sat back against him, "did you enjoy it?"

"I did," he told her, "we can do it more often."

"Derek," she turned to face him, "ever since we came back from Italy, you've made sure we get together at least once a month, and you cook…and I don't feel I do anything."

"I don't want you to cook," he teased her.

"I can learn you know," she challenged.

"I'm sure you can."

"Mom's going to teach me," she said and then smiled, "even if takes her months of visiting she said."

"And," he smiled at the thought of if, "you don't mind the idea of Mom visiting us months at a time."

"Maybe weeks…" she smiled back, "you know…I don't know how long I can keep up," she whispered, "with silent sex," and he laughed, uncaring of the looks they got.

"Mer," he lifted an eyebrow suggestively, "we can always escape to the trailer…"

"For loud married sex," she giggled quietly, "and unleashing the beasts…"

"For all that," he wrapped his arms around her, "and for those unforgettable morning wake up calls…"

"We've mastered lots of things," Meredith smiled, "since we got married…"

"Morning wake up calls," he smiled.

"All night…silent sex…" she whispered and they smiled, two lovers safe and secure in having found the love of soul mates.

_A/N 28FEB10 – I've spent a lot of time working on the characterization of Derek's family, and I think because they are my own creation, it's easier to write than their Seattle family. But, I wanted to give you a chapter that was dedicated to them, Mer's family, before moving this story along, towards the end in Chapter 200. Hope you are not disappointed. Warm regards, Jasmin_


	210. Chapter 210

_Thank you so much to each of you that has commented on the last chapter, and apologies for not responding to comments the last few chapters. It's been very hectic with work and family and barely time to write, not to mention PD at the races last weekend _

_The number of readers for the last chapter helps to reiterate that it is indeed time to conclude this story, and as we get closer to chapter 200, I cannot thank you all enough for having stuck through the last two years. I will try to do my best not to disappoint you over the next few weeks as this comes to its end. If there's anything you think I've left up in the air, let me know in case it's not one I've had outlined to address._

_This was a hard chapter to write, wanting to make sure I tied in much of what had been included in the past (Ch 92/120/122 were important), and the scene that takes place at Meredith's house is one I knew would be written from the moment I wrote Kelly telling Derek that Brianna had had eyes like him. I've been waiting to write the scene between her and Meredith for well over a year, and this has become the longest chapter in this story, hope it lives up to your expectations. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Chapter 196 – Beautiful and priceless - Life's celebrations – Pt 2 **_

The Shepherd women and their extended family scattered throughout the country were anxiously awaiting the arrival of the newest addition, but the baby girl's due date came and went and everyone, near and far, in one way or another experienced Jenna's impatient behavior.

Meredith's phone vibrated as she drove to work on Monday and she picked up right away as she glanced at the screen. "Hi Maggie, is Jenna at the hospital?"

"No such luck," Maggie said, "she's with me in fact. I'm driving her home, and she's driving us all crazy…I swear…"

"Oh let me have that phone," Meredith heard Jenna's voice.

"I'm talking to her," Maggie told her sister. "You can talk to her later, when I'm done."

"Fine," Jenna said and took her own phone and dialed.

"Maggie," Meredith laughed, "Jenna's calling me."

"I expected she would," Maggie said, "don't answer," and earned her sister's glare.

"Just put her on speaker phone," Meredith said.

"I'd plan on it," Maggie laughed, "she's just too damn impatient," she said handing her sister the phone. "Put her on speaker."

"Meredith," Jenna said, as she continued to rub her very pregnant belly, "I have very mean sisters…and your goddaughter is determined to rival the gestation period of an elephant; I look like one, so she must think she's a little one as well…and taking her sweet time."

"You don't look like an elephant," Meredith told her. "You forget you sent the photo Rob took of you and the girls yesterday and you look amazing."

"At least last night she let me sleep, hardly moving …" Jenna said.

"Jenna…she's not moving," Meredith's medical knowledge went on full alert, "but…you've just been to the doctor…did you tell him? Is it ok that she's not moving?"

"You didn't let me finish," Jenna said as she rubbed her abdomen, "she let me sleep last night, but this morning…she's been like a kick boxer doing double duty on a trampoline and has not stopped…"

"But," Meredith said, "the doctor said everything was ok…when she doesn't move…"

"Mer," Jenna said, "she doesn't have a lot of room so she's not supposed to be this active. Nothing's wrong…other than your goddaughter's determination to make me wait…"

"Are you sure," Meredith said quietly, "you didn't miscalculate her due date?"

"Oh no," Jenna told her, "sonograms are so accurate now…there's really not a lot of room for error, this little one is just nice and comfortable while I'm probably black and blue from all her kicking…"

"Well…you should talk to her," Meredith's voice filled the confines of the car, "and tell her she should behave…that she's a little too young to be a gymnast just yet…that she'll have plenty of time for that…and that her godmother expects her to be nice and gentle with her Mommy and that we're all waiting to welcome and meet her…"

"Maggie," Jenna said suddenly, "feel her…" and reached for her sister's hand, "she stopped kicking."

"She's rolling," Maggie smiled.

"Mer," Jenna said, "I swear…it's you…you started talking…and she stopped kicking…and instead just a little rolling motion…"

"That's impossible," Meredith said, "she doesn't know my voice…"

"Maybe," Jenna said, "she doesn't, but she's always liked your tone…Mer…from the first time you started talking to her."

"You're imagining things," Meredith said, "but…I'm glad she's quieted down…"

"Meredith," Jenna said, "I put the phone on my stomach, and yes don't make fun Maggie, I'm huge and I don't have to hold it…my stomach is a perfect resting place for it and Mer…I bet she can hear your voice…" she said, and the three women continued to talk, and indeed the littlest one of the family, hours away from being born indeed liked the sound of her godmother's voice and settled down.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "Maggie's driving you home…so you're alone later with the girls? Is that ok? I mean, if you go into labor and you're alone?"

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, "she's being pampered by everyone. Rob's rescheduled some surgeries he'd cancelled since this baby seems pretty set on teaching her mom the virtues of patience."

"There are no virtues in patience," Jenna said, "just wait till your twins make it impossible to have a waking moment without kicking and heartburn…and…"

"Maggie," Meredith said quietly, "you're pregnant?"

"What…" Maggie said, "of course not…"

"Don't pay any attention to her Meredith," Jenna laughed, "it's only a matter of time."

"I didn't realize," Meredith said, and then paused, though both sisters turned to look at each other at the difference in her tone, "you wanted to have more kids right now…"

"Mer," Jenna said, "for years she's said she's done, but it's hard to ignore Aunt Pat, when we know she rarely says anything about her abilities, but when she does…"

"So," Meredith asked, "you'll be happy…if you get pregnant?"

"I'd be happy," Maggie said.

"Mer," Jenna said, "you think I'm bad…that Rob pampers me…wait till you see John, he's already acting like she is…"

"Jenna, he is not. We're just," Maggie said quietly, "he…it's a big decision for us."

"I know," Meredith said without realizing how much her tone revealed, "and it's not always easy."

The two sisters had reached Carolyn's home, "Meredith," Jenna said, "sometimes the decision is taken out of your hands, and it just happens."

"I know," Meredith replied simply; the unusual silence that followed surprising them all.

"Mer," Maggie said, "we just got to Mom's, and I'm only dropping Jenna off here."

"Yes," Jenna said, "and it's not my idea, but Rob doesn't want me to be alone at all."

"That makes sense," Meredith said a bit distant, "and it's good you have help with the girls when they get home from school. I just got to the hospital myself, keep us posted about the baby and tell Carolyn I got her email and will call her later."

"Mer," Maggie said, "you realize we have a bone to pick with you…since you actually respond to her…not to mention the blackberry world you've introduced her too," and the three women joked about Carolyn's latest discovery when she'd asked them all for their BBM pin number, before they each went on with their day.

"Mom," Jenna said as she attempted to get comfortable on the touch, "we were just talking to Meredith on the way here, and I said something about John treating Maggie as if she was already pregnant…and she got very quiet …almost as though she's not comfortable discussing this…and said it would not be an easy decision. But, at the same time she's really been sweet and concerned over what's going on with me and the baby…do you know…"

"Maybe you should stop talking about future babies and pregnancies," Carolyn said, surprising both her daughters. "You did plenty of talking about them having kids when they were here. Tell me about you, what did the doctor say?"

"Mom," Jenna insisted, "is there something wrong…that they don't want kids?"

"Jenna Patricia," Carolyn said, "they are still newlyweds and she's a resident, they have plenty of time for kids. I'm sure that's all it is. And by the way…" she smiled, "Maggie, is there some reason you were discussing being pregnant…is that you're way of telling me I need to get ready for another…"

"Mom," Maggie laughed, "Jenna's bound and determined I'm going to have twins…that it's the only way there will be another six grandkids."

"Huh…" Carolyn said, "who knows."

"Ma…" Maggie said, "surely you don't think…"

"Honey," Carolyn smiled, "I think…if you and John decide you want more kids…I will be very blessed to have another grandchild."

"Mom," Jenna interrupted, she knew how her sister felt. "Do you have chocolate ice cream?"

"Actually," Carolyn turned to her daughter, as she was sitting on the couch between Maggie and Jenna.

"You don't have any?" Jenna pouted.

"I ran out Jenna," Carolyn said, "after you left yesterday, but if you'd let me finish my sentence," she placed her hand on her daughter's stomach. "She's settled a bit," the grandmother smiled, "little one…are you going to be as impatient as your mother…who doesn't even let me finish a sentence to let her know I actually went to the grocery store while she was making sure all's ok with you this morning…"

"Mer," Kathleen told her late the next afternoon, now five days after Jenna's due date, as she waited for her next patient, "Maggie, who is always the most patient with Jenna, has on more than one occasion threatened to disown her."

"I know," Meredith told her, "Maggie called me yesterday to vent as she drove home."

"Meredith," Kathleen said softly bringing up a sensitive subject, "I've been wanting to bring something up, and I know Derek's talked to you …but, honey please let me talk to Maggie at least…I know the three of you have spent a lot of time on the phone and it's all baby talk… this has to be very hard for you right now."

"Kathleen," Meredith told her. "I'm grateful…I am that you and Nancy and Mom are trying to look out for me…being sensitive to my feelings now, but I'll be ok…"

"Mer," Kathleen said, "we're concerned. Remember, I know what it feels like, but for me, it was different since I was pregnant again shortly …and I can only imagine what you're feeling, not only with Jenna…but the nurse friend of yours…Lisette I believe."

"Kat," Meredith interrupted her. "You have no idea what it means to me, to be part of this family…that likes me…and accepted me…and wants to …"

"Meredith," Kathleen interrupted her, "we don't just like you…you became my sister the first time I met you, and you know I love you. Mom loves you, all the sisters do… and Nancy…Mer, she's worse than I am worrying about you right now. Let us do that…let us make it easier."

"No," Meredith said adamantly. "Kathleen, Jenna's having a baby…any day…and she's going to be my goddaughter…and do you how much that means to me? That Derek's sister…without really knowing me trusted me…all dark and twisty…the slutty intern, to be her baby girl's godmother…"

"Meredith," Kathleen told her, "you know we don't think of you that way. You became one more sister to each one of us…the moment we met you…"

"I'm not sure," Meredith tried to joke, "you can say that about Nancy."

"Well, maybe not Nancy, that first time…but now…" Kathleen said.

"Now," Meredith interrupted her, "she's been caring and thoughtful, and that makes all the difference, how much each of you and Derek and my friends…our family here cares, because Kathleen that makes me able to cope with it…for now," she said, and her sister in law detected the slight change in tone.

"You had an appointment with Dr. Wyatt today," Kathleen said, "how did that go?"

Meredith took a deep breath, and Kathleen could picture the tears in her eyes, "she says it's very normal…since what would have been my due date is coming up, that it's expected to be a fairly vulnerable time and I may feel more emotional and may be sad about what happened…"

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "it is normal…especially the next few weeks. Mer…there will be moments you will feel overwhelming sadness and it's ok…have you talked to Derek?"

"Kat," Meredith interrupted her again, "I have to go…I'm being paged, we'll talk tomorrow."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "talk to my brother…"

"I will," she said.

"You're avoiding it," Kathleen said, "and I understand…remember I've been there."

"I'll call you," Meredith said, "ok?"

"Mer, I'm here, anytime you need me, don't look at the time…just pick up the phone."

"Kathleen," Meredith was quiet before she spoke again, "thank you."

"Mer, please talk to Derek, don't shut him out."

"I have to go…" Meredith said as she disconnected the call and wiped the tears away. She was trying not to let it get to her, but lately no matter how she tried to rationalize their loss, circumstances made it difficult to ignore.

"Hey," she looked up minutes later as she heard Derek's voice, and put a smile on her face.

"Hi," she said, "I thought you were in surgery."

"Just scrubbed out," he smiled, "and came looking for you. Can you have dinner?"

"Not really," she said, without looking at him, "I still have…"

"Hey," he stopped her and lifted her chin. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she denied as she smiled at him.

"Ok," he said, "let's go talk about nothing…for a little bit," he left her no choice as he grabbed her hand and pulled her along with him to his office and when he closed the door behind him pulled her into his arms, and she held on to him tightly without saying a word.

"I love you," she whispered as she felt the gentle touch of his hands on her back.

"Talk to me," he whispered in her ear, and then pulled back enough to meet her gaze and tenderly touched her face.

Her eyes reflected the unspoken sadness he knew she would experience in the days ahead, accentuated by the fact that his sister and a colleague were due to give birth within close proximity of what would have likely been Meredith's due date.

"I'll be ok," she said to reassure him

"I know you will," he said, "but, I don't want you to go through any of what you're feeling alone. I'm sorry I could not join your session today, the patient coded and it took us a lot longer than expected…I couldn't walk out at that moment."

"Derek," Meredith said, "the fact you want to be there…is enough."

"It's not," he said, and admitted some of his own feelings; those he rarely allowed to surface as he focused all the attention on Meredith's. "I need you too."

"Derek," she said as she attempted to smile, "I need to be there for you too."

He led her to the small couch in his office. "Did you speak to Jenna again?" he asked as they simply held each other offering comfort.

"Kathleen called," Meredith began to speak, "she knew I had a session today…" and the proverbial door was opened for communication, and as Kathleen had commented and they'd both promised the other, they dealt with their emotions, hers in particular, without the past behavior of avoidance.

Doctor Wyatt was an excellent doctor. Derek reflected hours later as they lay in bed, but he had reached out to his sister that evening to discuss what Meredith was going through. He trusted Kathleen's judgment completely, given her specialty and the support group she'd began years ago, but he wanted the to talk to someone who also cared about her as he knew his sister did, and wanted to ensure he could understand what his wife was going through and respond to her needs. Kathleen had assured him all Meredith was experiencing was normal under the circumstances, and commented that the website Mark had found long ago dealt with the situation accurately. Both of them, Kathleen had told them would deal with their loss differently, but for Meredith, certain events such as the impending births would trigger inevitable sadness. Time, she had assured him, would bring healing, but this first year, given the circumstances with two impending births, would be the hardest.

Their conversation earlier that day at the hospital, and then when they came home that night after he'd spoken to Kathleen, part of which he'd shared with Meredith, prepared them both a little better as they too eagerly anticipated the birth of their godchild.

Wednesday dawned on the East coast filled with expectation and the typical concerns of three sisters and a husband who are doctors, and a soon to be laboring woman that hours earlier swore she would simply be pregnant forever. Her sisters, mother and mother in law had smiled indulgently at dinner the night before, certain the baby would make her entrance within twenty four hours. The West coast branch of the Shepherd family slept blissfully in the predawn hours, but not for long, unaware of the recent events about to take place at home back East.

Derek picked up his phone as soon as it vibrated and saw the same message from Carolyn appear on his screen.

-Call me, all's ok

"Jenna's in labor I bet," Derek turned to Meredith.

"How do you know?"

"Look," he said.

"Why didn't she call me?"

"She's called me fourteen times before…when my sisters have been on their way to the hospital. Except Nancy, one time it was so unexpected and fast, there was no time for Mom to call until after the baby was born."

"She had the baby at home?"

"No, but there was barely enough time to get to the hospital."

"You should call her," Meredith said.

"Why don't you dial for me?"

"She didn't call me," Meredith shrugged, "she wants to talk to you."

"She would have called you," he reached for her hand. "She's trying to protect you."

Meredith dialed the phone and handed it to him. "Ma…Meredith and I are on the way to work, is everything ok?"

"Oh sweetheart, I wanted to talk to you first. I'm worried about her, so I wanted to make sure you were there to tell her."

"She's ok," Derek looked at Meredith, "I'm going to put you on speaker phone."

"Meredith dear, good morning."

"Hi Carolyn," she said, insecurities often resurfaced about her place in their lives and at this moment she was unsure she was entitled to say Mom. "Is everything ok with Jenna?"

"I believe so, but you're going to be a godmother, you're going to be godparents very soon. I'm on my way to the hospital now."

"Carolyn, how is she? Is the baby ok…she wasn't moving a lot she told me, but that it was normal that the baby slows down, is she at the hospital now…how long has she been there?"

Derek reached for her hand and squeezed gently. "Mom…I got an email from Maggie this morning, she said Maeve cooked dinner for everyone last night and that you were all at Jenna's, but she didn't mention there were any signs she was in labor."

"No, but did she tell you we all told her she'd have the baby within twenty four hours?"

"No," Derek said.

"We did." Carolyn chuckled, "you have to remember, we've had so many kids between all of us, we know these things. She was a bundle of energy and Rob had a hard time getting her to just sit and enjoy the evening."

"Carolyn…you're sure everything's ok?"

"Meredith, sweetheart," Carolyn said softly, "what happened to Mom?"

"I…am not sure…I mean…now it feels like…it's a family moment…you know…"

"Sweetheart, you're a part of this family… and we're about to welcome our newest family member…"

"She's ok…Jenna and the baby?" Meredith asked again.

"As well as expected, given how much she's complained the last few days. But, yes, she is just fine. Maggie was with her and drove her to the hospital. Nancy was already there and Kathleen is on her way."

"How long do you think it will be?" Meredith asked.

"You never know dear, each baby is different. But from the sounds of it, I don't think this one will take very long at all."

"Mom," Derek said, "we're almost at the hospital. Why didn't you call me instead of texting?"

"I wanted to make sure I could speak to you first," Carolyn said.

"Mom," Meredith said, acknowledging her mother in law's concern. "I'm ok…you don't have to worry about me."

"Of course I do," Carolyn said, "I worry about all my daughters."

"Thank you," Meredith said, "for wanting to protect my feelings…I told Kathleen how much that means to me, but now…it's about Jenna and my goddaughter…" she smiled at Derek and squeezed his hand gently.

Meredith's phone began to vibrate and she reached for it and frowned. "It's Maggie, she's calling, but isn't she with Jenna…Mom… you said…"

"Answer it dear," Carolyn said calmly, "see what she wants."

"Maggie, what's wrong?"

"Nothing is wrong…except your sister in law is driving me crazy, and wanted to talk to you. Because you are the only sister that is not here, so she at least wanted to talk to you before the baby is born."

"Oh…" Meredith said, as she felt the gentle squeeze again. "I'm on the phone with your Mom."

"Tell her everything is great and ask her how far away she is. This baby is not going to take long to get here."

The exchange of questions continued for a few more seconds before Carolyn disconnected. "Derek, Meredith…I love you both. I'll call you as soon as the baby's born."

"Meredith," Jenna's voice rang out, "don't let anyone tell you that you forget all about it…it's crap," she said as she felt a new contraction, and Maggie took the phone away from her.

"Yes, you do forget. Don't pay any attention to Jenna, she is cranky and bitchy and keeps complaining about being eighty weeks pregnant when she's …"

"Derek…" Jenna's voice was heard, "you're not here…the first time…that you're not here," she sniffled.

"Jeni," Derek's voice was quiet and gentle, "I'm with you…in spirit…both Meredith and I are," he said, and Meredith heard and saw the deep emotions reflected in his eyes, "and I do wish we could be there…but…we'll be there soon to meet our goddaughter."

"But you've always been here, and I'm not having any more kids…and she's your goddaughter," they heard the sniffles again. "There's no way I'd do this again…I've been pregnant forever and…"

"Stop complaining," Maggie told her. "Mer, she's actually had it good; she's gone from 3 cm to 8 in about 3 hours, and she didn't even know she was in labor except her water broke while we were at the zoo, which is appropriate given her behavior right now…not very rational at all."

"You were at the zoo?" Meredith said incredulously. "Your sister is about to have a baby and you took her to the zoo?"

"She wanted to go," Maggie said, "even Nancy said it was ok…walking would be fine, and we'd just gotten there at nine...and by nine fifteen her water broke. Thank God, Meghan did not realize what was going on…she was too enthralled with the penguins."

"Where are Nancy and Kathleen?" Derek asked. "I thought Ma said they were there."

"They are," Maggie filled them in on everyone's whereabouts, "but Nancy has a mom in the last stage of labor, and Kathleen took Rob to get something to eat, he was in surgery all night. The girls are with Maeve so she can bring them over as soon as the baby's born."

"You try being rational," Jenna joined the conversation again, letting go of her sister's hand, "when you're twenty weeks late," she said and all of them laughed.

"Twenty weeks late…are you?" They now heard Carolyn's voice.

"Mom," Jenna said, "you're here…"

"Of course I'm here," his mother said and immediately went over to hug her, "haven't I been here for all my grandchildren?"

"Mer…I'm sorry, I'm being a bitch and I don't want to scare you about having kids…you really do forget. But it hurts like hell…and just make sure you get an epidural as soon as you can… Oh God," they heard Jenna's gasp, "this one's bad…strong…get Rob…" she said as she took deep breaths, "please…I need him here now…"

"Maggie," Meredith said, "call us…keep us posted, tell Jenna…"

"Wait," Jenna said, as she breathed through the contraction, Meredith and Derek simply waited.

"That was bad," Jenna said, "very bad…"

"Why didn't you get an epidural? If you're telling me I should?"

"Healthier for the baby…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, "then why would you tell me…I should?"

"Because I want those three nieces and nephews from you…"

They all were able to laugh in the couple of minutes between contractions. "Mer," Jenna said, "we're doctors, it's perfectly healthy," her husband was now at her side.

"Meredith," Rob said, "she has not had an epidural because it was too late with Katie, and it wasn't that bad, and she did not want it with Meghan."

"Well…this is the worst one," Jenna said, "and if you think you can expect sex…after this…forget it."

Rob chuckled, "you know you can't resist me."

"Jackass," Jenna said, though she smiled at her husband.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I wish you a healthy baby and hope she won't take too long to arrive. Maggie, make sure you send the photos… I can't wait to see my very first goddaughter…"

"I love you Jeni," Derek said, "we'll talk to you later today," and the call ended.

"We're going to be godparents," Meredith said, "together…"

"We are…and it sounds like very soon," he said, and as they had reached the hospital, leaned over to kiss her. "I love you."

"I love you," she smiled at him, and while he got out of the car, she closed her eyes and tried not to think of what could have been.

"Hey," Derek said after opening the passenger door and drawing her close to him.

"I'm ok," she said, and let him embrace her.

"You are," he said, and held on to her several minutes before he helped her out of the car and they walked toward the front door holding hands.

"Derek," she said as they waited by the elevators. "You'll let me know right away…"

"Mer, I think, Jenna's more likely to tell you first, or have Maggie email you first…"

"Maybe at the same time, that's what she told us back home, that we were supposed to be the first ones to see her." Meredith locked gazes with him and conceded, "she really wanted you there."

"We'll be there in a few weeks for the baptism."

"Uhmm…" Meredith said for an answer.

Less than two hours later, a baby girl was welcomed into the Shepherd family and within minutes of her arrival Meredith and Derek received a text at 1:57 PM EST from Maggie.

-Baby is here; all well with her and Jenna. Emailing you photo as soon as I see her.

Derek read the message and smiled and texted his wife, hoping she was not in surgery or tied up with a patient.

-where are you

-on my way to see you

-my office?

-yes

Derek waited a few minutes and had begun to pace when he heard the door open.

"Baby's here," Meredith smiled at him, and he knew she was genuinely happy, "we're godparents…well…you already are…but…me…Derek," he saw the glimmer of tears, and immediately closed the distance between them and reached for her, "they trusted me to be her godmother…"

"She's a very lucky baby," he kissed her temple, "the luckiest little girl in the world."

Their phones vibrated at the same time, briefly interrupting the moment to read the email from Maggie sent at 2:15 in the afternoon.

Your goddaughter is beautiful. This is her very first photo. Jenna wanted you two to be the first to see her, 8lbs. 7oz. 22 inches…born at 1:51 PM…saw her before she was taken to the nursery, though Nancy, Kathleen and Mom cheated…they were waiting right outside and nothing was going to stop them and said they were sure you would not mind. Derek, wait till you see her…tell me what you think."

"Our goddaughter," she smiled, but a tear escaped, "let's look at her on your computer, this will be too small…"

Derek kissed the tear away, "let's see…" he reached for her hand and went to sit at his chair, pulling her down to sit on his lap.

"Oh, Derek," Meredith smiled, while at the same time she held her lips together, to keep from crying, "she is…so beautiful…"

"She is," he said, as he too was teary eyed. "She looks just like Jenna as a baby…all that black hair…and her features…just like Jeni…"

"I've never seen such a beautiful baby…" Meredith said, "look at her nose…and her lips…and she's just a few minutes old…"

"Maybe we're biased…" he smiled at her.

"Oh no," Meredith said, "Derek's I've seen lots of newborns, well not lots…just in the hospital and I've never paid too much attention…but I can't wait to see her and Derek, look at her little fingers. I'll have to shop… I saw the most adorable little outfit…and we'll need to bring a special gift."

"Godmother role suits you," he smiled at her, as he cupped her face before, caressing her cheek tenderly, "this is going to be one very spoiled baby."

"Is it ok…I mean…do you mind?"

"Of course not," he told her, as he kissed her lips softly.

"You should reply," Meredith said, "it's rude if you don't Maggie asked…"

"Mer…I don't think she meant right that moment."

"Yes she did," Meredith told him, "and your Mom's probably waiting too…look, they're copied on the email too…she sent it to both of us, but copied Mom, Nancy, Kathleen, and Jenna and Rob…"

"Ok," he smiled at her.

"Congratulations Jenna & Rob, she is beautiful. Jeni, she looks just like you, I hope she'll be as special as you are. Maggie, that's what you're asking, if I noticed the resemblance, hard to miss. Mer and I are looking at her together, and get ready she is already thinking of ways to spoil her. Ma, you're copied on here, congratulations on grandbaby 15. Girls, we have a beautiful new niece, we love you all."

Not long after that was delivered, Meredith's phone rang. "I'm a godmother," she answered, "is she as beautiful as the photo?"

"More so," Kathleen answered, "just precious. I think she's one of the most beautiful of all the grandkids, though I'm partial to mine, but they weren't all beautiful."

"Have you held her?" Meredith rested her head on Derek's shoulder, and he had his arm around her waist.

"We're waiting in line…" Kathleen told her, "Mom gets her first…then Maggie and Nancy…I get her last this time. But that's ok, because I'll keep her longer."

"Kat, is everything ok with Jenna?"

"Mer, as things go…she had a very easy delivery. From the time her water broke less than five hours of labor, she has nothing to complain about," Kathleen chuckled.

"I'm sure she won't." Meredith said.

"We'll see," Kathleen said and there was a brief silence before she said. "Meredith…"

"I'm ok."

"Is Derek with you?"

"He is," Meredith told her, "I'm with him right now."

"You're ok…"

"Yes…Kathleen," Meredith told her, "we both are," she added and smiled at him.

"I just wanted to make sure…and if you need me, you call me."

"I will," Meredith assured her.

"I love you Meredith," Kathleen said, "tell Derek I love him too."

"We love you too," Meredith said as she disconnected the call and couldn't help the sentimental tears. "Derek," she hugged him, "our family…is very special."

"They are," his hands continued to caress her as he held her. "Especially, your big sister."

Just as he said that, and email came in addressed to them both. "Thinking of you…I'm here, if you need anything, love, Nancy."

"She's been very thoughtful," Meredith said, "you know how much it's meant to me."

"I do," he said, and again kissed her lips.

"And you," she said as she cupped his face, and kissed him tenderly, "you…are the most special of all…I love you Derek."

"I love you," he said and kissed her back, with the gentleness and tenderness befitting the bittersweet moment.

Later in the day, Meredith and Derek had a chance to talk to Jenna and hear how both she and Rob were absolutely over the moon, and that yes, she was the most beautiful baby she'd ever seen…and they had no idea what to name her yet; which was Rob's fault because the minute he held her and she opened her eyes, according to him, made the mistake of saying she didn't look like an Emily. By the end of the day, they'd both spoken to all his sisters and Carolyn.

Late that evening they lay in bed facing each other, hands entwined, "can you believe it," Meredith smiled at him, "the baby's here and no name."

"Rob is probably regretting he said anything," Derek said.

"He shouldn't," Meredith told him, "they should both agree the name suits her."

"Knowing my sister," Derek said, "she has a list of names she hasn't told him about, and will remind him how she was the one that had to go through labor, and he'll agree to whatever she wants."

"It's amazing," she said almost absently, "that Jenna could have everyone there…I can really understand…she'd want you there too."

"She understands," he said, "that I couldn't be there."

"You've been close to home for all the others…if there really are other grandkids…like Aunt Pat said, maybe you could try to be there, at least right after they're born."

"Meredith," he said, "it's not easy when living across the country from each other."

"If your sisters have more kids, you should try to be there. Family being there is important," she paused long enough for him to understand it had become important to her too, "to them."

"What about you," he said, following her lead on the conversation, "when we have our kids…would you like for some of our family to be here? From the East coast I mean, I'm sure we won't be able to keep those here away."

"I'd like your Mom here…anyone else…I know would be hard," she told him, and he knew at that moment, when it was time for them to have a child, he would make absolutely sure his mother was there. What he didn't realize is that in her heart, Carolyn Shepherd had already made that commitment to her new daughter, and that his sisters would likely feel the same way.

"I doubt you can keep her away," he smiled at her, "and maybe even a sister or two."

"You think," she said, "they'd really want to…"

"I'd almost bet on it," he said and closing the distance between them, barely inches apart already, kissed her lips.

"It could be nice," she smiled. "But, I know it's not practical."

"Whatever you need, whatever you want, I'll make sure it happens…" he said as he caressed her cheek with the back of his hand, and they reached to embrace each other.

"You…" she leaned into him, "you are all I want or need…"

"I'll remind you of that," he said with a light chuckle, "when you're cursing me to hell during transition."

"I won't be one of those women," she told him, "the stereotype…of yelling curses…and telling you there will never be sex again…"

"I'd know you'd be bluffing," he teased.

"Probably," she giggled, just as her their phones simultaneously vibrated with a message.

_-Your goddaughter seems to be a night owl, which is good since you're on the West coast, when she keeps me up I can always call you. Finally got a photo with her eyes open, and hope you can see them clearly, though b/berry not best quality, they're gorgeous…I think they will stay blue. Derek, another Black Irish baby in the family. She's really alert and nosy, guess she takes after her aunts._

"She's beautiful," Meredith smiled, "and wide awake at one in the morning, but we're going to have to zoom this photo so we can see her eyes."

"Nosy," Derek laughed, "like her aunts, funny how she doesn't include herself."

"I guess," Meredith said and smiled, "she's entitled to a little forgetfulness, after all those long hours of labor she's going to remind Rob about."

Derek chuckled, "I still can't believe they were at the zoo this morning…and she hadn't even realized she was in labor."

"I know," Meredith answered, and without advance warning her eyes filled with tears.

"Hey," Derek said tenderly, "Mer…what's this…why are you crying?"

"I'm sorry…" she said as a quiet sob escaped her.

"For what…" he met her gaze, but instinctively knew what the answer would be, as he saw the unmistakable veil of sadness.

"I couldn't…I didn't…it would almost be time for us…"

"It will be time for us," he caressed her face, "one day…you know we will have our family…"

"What if …if I can't…if something goes wrong…again…"

"If that happens," his tone was gentle, "we will deal with it together. But, Meredith…I know…deep in my heart…it will happen, and you know it too…Meredith…don't ever forget your dream…and every single gift we've been given; the stars…that night…Kelly in our life…hearing our baby bear…tell us how much she loves us…"

"You," Meredith took a few broken breaths, "really believe that…all of it…"

"I do," he said, "I believe it with all my heart," and he kissed her tenderly, and whispered words meant to reassure her; reassurance that later became her own, as she once again accepted the spiritual gifts she'd been given; a loss so profound and inexplicable that had in many ways restored their faith in their love and each other.

Each word, each caress, each kiss would once again lead to the most intimate expression of the love and commitment to each other; their lovemaking, on this night, a testament to months of growth and healing and the deep spiritual bond that transcended the physical.

"I love you," Meredith whispered upon his lips, their bodies still intimately joined.

"I love you," Derek whispered, and for a long while after, his words continued to feel like a lover's gentle caress.

"This," Meredith said, and he saw the depth of her emotions reflected in her eyes, "Derek…this moment afterward…it's never been about sex…it's always been you…what you make me feel…I don't ever want to forget this…what we share…what we feel…" she closed her eyes briefly.

"This," he said, and she felt the softness of his lips trailing kisses on her face, "for me too…" he said recalling her words long ago, "makes the world stop…and you…bring meaning to every second of my life," and yet another kiss was shared before falling asleep for the rest of the night, the end of a day that began and ended rejoicing in life's celebrations.

The next several days were filled with constant communication with the family back East, and sharing countless photos and videos of the newly welcomed baby, her parents, sisters and the rest of the Shepherd family, and the inevitable teasing from the West coast family each time she shared a new photo of their goddaughter; that being a godmother had turned her soft and sentimental.

Their seventh month wedding anniversary fell on a Monday, and both were working.

Derek surprised her with a pre-anniversary dinner at recently discovered small and romantic restaurant on Bainbridge. Their celebration continued long into the morning hours, with intermittent sleep, including the delightful wake up call right at the hour they'd been married, when he was woken from sleep as she straddled him and they fondly recalled their wedding night. He also told her they would go away in two weeks, when both had the weekend off, and after much insistence from Meredith, he told her it was a trip to Vancouver Island.

Meredith had managed to find emotional balance to deal with the birth of Jenna's baby. However, two days after their anniversary, Lisette began experiencing irregular but painful contractions, with borderline high blood pressure, and was admitted to the hospital for observation overnight. Thereafter, was sent home for the rest of the pregnancy. Meredith, had visited Lisette before she went home and been supportive, but once again confronted with the reality of her loss, became distant. Derek, though aware of the old habits of avoidance was frustrated as any attempts he made to communicate were met with silent resistance, and assurances that she was fine.

Late one night Derek woke to find her gone and went looking for her, concerned over how unusually quiet she'd been, including during her session with Dr. Wyatt; one he'd accompanied at her request, but sensed it may have been better if he had not been there.

"He's so supportive Kathleen," Meredith said quietly, the hoarseness of her voice an indication she had been crying. "I can't keep burdening him with what I'm feeling. I already told you, we were in therapy today and I couldn't bring myself to talk about what I was feeling…it seems…he must think all I'm doing is wallowing…"

"You are not wallowing," Kathleen told her, "we've talked about this Meredith. Honey, you've been forced to face Jenna's pregnancy and the baby's birth and now your friend's…and it's perfectly normal that you would be emotional at this time, and then when you add these other reminders…it's ok Meredith. What you're feeling, it's normal…healthy in fact that you're dealing with it…but you can't keep avoiding this, you can't protect Derek by keeping your feelings from him…"

"I know…" Meredith said, "but I have to remember he felt the loss too…and he's been my strength over this for so long…I don't want to put him through this anymore… and sometimes I feel so angry…and such overwhelming sadness," she cried softly "Kathleen, I don't even know when the baby was due…but…it would have been now…just like Lisette…the next few days…and I didn't even know," her tears flowed freely, and she did not notice when the door to his office in the den opened.

Derek heard her voice, though it was so very quiet, and knew right away she'd been crying, and without hesitation he went to her side and startling her at first, he sat next to her and reached for her and held her in his arms.

"Derek…" she brought her lips together, "I'm sorry…"

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "is Derek with you…"

"Yes," she answered, as Derek took the phone from his wife.

"Kathleen," he cleared his throat, "I'm here."

"Derek," Kathleen said, "just listen to her...but you need to talk to her about what you're feeling too, it's never been more important, listen to each other."

"I will," he told his sister, "thank you."

"How much did you hear?" Kathleen asked.

"Enough to know we need to be here for each other," he said to his sister, "thanks for caring Kathleen."

"I love you both Derek, and just remember what she's feeling is normal, you and I talked about it the other day," she said.

"I know," he said, "we'll talk tomorrow," and disconnected the call.

"Meredith," he said tenderly, as he held her and gently rubbed her back, "you don't ever have to keep your feelings from me…I may not understand exactly what you're going through…but I do understand that you would be sad…and I can at least help with that…don't shut me out…I want to be here for you…even if you don't want to talk…I can hold you…" he caressed her face, "and I hope that would make you feel a little better."

"You do," she said, "you always do…but, I wanted to keep you from being sad too."

"Just because you don't talk to me," he said, "doesn't mean I don't see how you're feeling, and you know it helps…to deal with things together…"

"I know," she said, as she wiped away the tears, "but…"

"But," he said softly, "we don't do well with that, do we?"

"No," she said, and he saw just a trace of a smile.

"We promised…to be there for each other," he said, "and that means not keeping things from each other either…"

"I know," she said, "it's just…I felt I could spare you…and you've been happy since the baby was born…and I didn't want to spoil that…"

"Meredith," he cupped her face, then one hand soothed her hair back, "we can be sad…together…for a little bit…it's ok to feel that way right now."

"Part of me," she told him, "wishes I'd have at least known when she was due…that's why I called Kathleen. I left a message for Dr. Cameron today, and I told her I was going to ask him…he can tell from my sonogram…fairly accurately…when …"

"Meredith," he said softly, "do you want to put yourself through that…love, that's only going to make it harder."

"I have to know," she told him, in between soft broken breaths, "somehow…I think…it will help…not keep wondering…"

"You know that date would only be an estimate…and what does it help…"

"I need to know Derek…please…"

"If that's what you want," he held cupped her face and kissed her, "we will go together."

"Are you angry with me?"

"Of course not," he assured her, "though I do wish you'd have talked to me."

"I'm sorry…" tears gathered quickly in her eyes.

"Hey," he held pulled her close to him, "it's ok…we're dealing with it now."

"Thank you," she said quietly.

"I love you," he told her, "you don't need to thank me for doing what I want to do, for being there for you, when I know you would do the same for me."

"I know you do…I love you too," she said, and after spending the next hour talking about how they each felt and the many reminders forcing them to evoke their loss, they walked back to their bedroom hand in hand. The next day, they spoke to Dr. Cameron at length, and after reviewing her file he told them, it was likely their baby would have been due on November fifth.

Their conversation and subsequent appointment with her doctor helped to stabilize her emotions once again, until Lisette was delivered of a seven and a half pound baby boy on November third and everyone stopped by to visit one of their favorite nurses, including Meredith and Derek both of whom were significantly affected by the close proximity to the date Dr. Cameron had provided.

"You know Lisette," Mark said, "if you'd had the baby just two days earlier…I'd have won my bet…or at last, he could have been a girl."

"Dr. Sloan," Lisette laughed, "my husband is very pleased we have a boy, though he was convinced it had to be a girl since the baby kept us guessing to the last minute."

"Lisette," Amy Lynn said, "Dr. Sloan forgot to tell you there were three bets going on…and he made out pretty big on the weight, he got it right."

"Big mouth," Mark said, "I did…but it was for a good cause."

"For a good cause," Stephanie laughed, "really?"

"Yes," Tracy defended him, "it was, and I can vouch for him," she smiled at him.

"See," Mark said, "not all nurses that dated me hate me," he winked at Tracy.

"Spare us," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Tracy, how do you stand him?"

"He's a good friend," Tracy said, "a very loyal friend."

"He has his moments," Derek laughed, "but he can rise to the occasion."

"Damn right I can," Mark said seriously.

"Mark," Meredith teased, "there's a baby in the room…must you make everything …"

"Grey," Mark drawled, "of course I do…" and everyone laughed, waking up the baby, who began to whimper and turned to his mother's breast.

"I think," Amy Lynn said, "it's time to give Lisette some peace and quiet…and looks like this little one is hungry."

"It was wonderful to see all of you," Lisette said, "thanks for stopping by. But wait, Dr. Sloan," she smiled, "what was the bet worthy cause?"

"Oh that," Mark said, "you'll just have to wait. Lexie is taking care of it."

"You're going home tomorrow," Meredith said softly, thankful they'd all visited together, as it had made it a little easier for her, "he's truly adorable."

"Dr. Grey," Lisette said, "thank you for visiting…" their eyes met in understanding.

"I wouldn't have missed it," Meredith said, and gently placed her hand on the baby's head, "he's a very lucky baby to have such a special Mom."

"Lisette," Derek said, "congratulations again…Meredith is right, he's a lucky baby. We hope to see you and the baby again soon."

"Thank you," Lisette said, "I'll probably be around before I get back to work," and Meredith and Derek walked out holding hands; almost all the reminders behind them.

"Mark," Meredith said, "what exactly is Lexie taking care of for you?"

"Grey," Mark teased her, "you have a dirty mind…"

"You better not have any dirty thoughts about my sister in your mind," she glared at him, though her demeanor was not quite as serious as she'd intended for him to believe.

"You are very nosy," he told her. "Derek did you know that about your wife?"

"It's my sister we're talking about," Meredith told him. "That's not being nosy. I'm giving you fair warning."

"Relax Grey," Mark told her, "I told her the money from the bets I wanted to give to Lisette, a baby gift…she and Tracy helped me decide, and Lexie went to get it as soon as we found out the baby was born…I was in surgery so she did me the favor."

"What is it?" Meredith asked.

"It was two hundred fifty dollars worth, so we got her, well Lexie went to get it, all sorts of baby things including diapers and something about welcoming blankets…and spit clothes," Mark commented.

Derek chuckled, "receiving blankets and burp cloths."

"Something like that," Mark answered, "she's getting it now…so we can give it to her today."

"That was very thoughtful," Meredith told him. "You could have sent Derek shopping with Lexie, he knows what to buy," she teased.

"Fourteen nieces and nephews Mer," Derek told her, "and I was spit on plenty of times to know a burp cloth was always good to have handy."

"You two want to meet up for dinner? Grab something at Joe's?" Mark asked.

"Mer?" Derek turned to her.

"Sure," she said and smiled, wanting this for Derek.

"Maybe Yang and Lexie can join us too," Mark said, testing the waters, wanting to be sensitive to Meredith and Derek's feelings, he too had been in touch with Kathleen, "the rest of your roommates if you want."

"Lexie and Cristina," Meredith said, "just a quiet dinner, Italian maybe, if you don't mind."

November 5th was a day unlike any Meredith or Derek had expected; never imagining fate's intent for this emotionally wrenching and amazing day had been decided long ago.

Derek, sensitive to the recently found significance of the day, was determined to be supportive of whatever Meredith's needs were, and as such, had no qualms in going along with her when she told him she wanted to stay home that morning.

"I'll stay with you," he told her, "we can both call in sick."

"You can't do that," she said, "we have a new trial patients coming in for the first time."

"It's ok," he said, as his hands caressed the length of her, "we can meet with them tomorrow."

"Derek," she said, "you're indulging me…I know…and I love you for it…but you really need to meet with them today…this case needs your attention right away."

"Nothing is more important to me, than you, and I don't want you to be alone today."

She took a deep breath, "I'll be ok…"

"I know you will," he told her, "but we can be ok together."

"I shouldn't stay here, logically…I know that…but…" she shook her head, "it's hard, knowing today…"

"I know," he pursed his lips and his eyes glimmered with tears, an exact reflection of hers, and he closed his eyes, and immediately felt the pressure of her lips on his.

"I love you," she said, as she pressed her lips together, "I wish…today…could have been different."

"So do I," he said, "I wish I could help take your pain away today…"

"You do Derek…you do," she said, and kissed him softly, and then rested her head on his chest and held him close, allowing him to hug her tightly and whisper loving words of comfort. "I'll get dressed," she told him a long while later, "and come with you."

"You can stay home," he said, "we both can."

"It's a beautiful day," she smiled at him, though there were tears in her eyes, "to save lives…that's what we should do…today…for our baby bear…"

"Meredith," he kissed away the tears, "I love you…and I loved our little one…"

"She loved you too," Meredith said, "lots and lots…"

The phone rang at that moment and she reached to answer and smiled, "hello sweetie, aren't you in school today?"

"Aunty M…I stayed home today to help Mommy take care of my baby sister."

"You did," Meredith said, as she felt Derek press his body against her, spooning her, smiling at Meghan's conversation which he could hear clearly, "what about Katie?"

"She gots to go to school, cause she's big."

"Meggie," Meredith said, "did you learn to dial the phone all by yourself?"

"Aunty M, you're silly…I not a baby, but me still little…I push the buttons…the funny key and the number seven."

"Meghan," Meredith said, "where is your Mommy?"

"She's feeding my baby sister…cause she's always hungry and Daddy says she's a little piglet…and for Halloween we was going to get a little pig dress, but Mommy got mad, and Daddy he tolds her it was better than a little elephant…cause Mommy said… oh wait…Mommy wants to talk to you."

"Jenna," Meredith said a bit indignantly, "I cannot believe you have been calling my goddaughter an elephant…and Rob saying she's a piglet…and you both wanted to dress her up like that…"

"Meredith," Jenna laughed, "as you damn well know…oh sorry…yes, Meggie you're right, that's not a good word to say…you can talk to her again in a few minutes."

"Jenna," Derek said, "you better watch it, or she'll be running to get soap to wash out your mouth."

"How did he get in the conversation" Jenna asked.

"We're in bed and …"

"Mer," Jenna laughed, "don't rub it in, I have another 3 weeks before…"

"I thought you told Rob he could forget about sex, since you weren't risking …wait three weeks…the baby is two weeks old."

"Meredith," Jenna laughed, "I haven't been able to resist him since the first time he kissed me...I wouldn't even attempt to make him wait…"

"And he knows it," Meredith laughed, and Derek smiled, offering a silent prayer for the phone call that somehow had managed to lighten their spirits and ease her sadness.

"So, Jenna," Derek said, Meredith had placed the handheld phone on speaker, "I see how far down the list you have me…I'm number seven on speed dial?"

"Lucky seven," Jenna laughed, "and it's Meredith's number."

"Add salt to the wound why don't you," he teased her.

"Listen," Jenna told him a she place the baby on her shoulder to burp her, "you don't want your cell phone on speed dial…it had to be the house phone…or you'd have little fingers doing the walking at very inopportune times, and by that I mean surgery and consultations."

"Blame the kid," Derek said, his hands still roaming his wife's body.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "is that the baby…making sounds…"

"It is," Jenna said, "and she really is a little pig…she doesn't want to wait to be burped until she's ready to stop eating."

Just then the baby began to whimper, "hold on a second," Jenna said, "Meggie talk to Aunt Meredith and Uncle Derek.'

"Aunty M you stay away a long time…and you gots to meet my baby sister cause she's so beautiful and Granma says she is a very good baby cause she only cries when she's hungry…or if she has a dirty diaper that's why she cries now…cause Mommy is stopping and she's still hungry…Uncle D…my baby sister really loves me," the little girl continued to ramble.

"I'm sure she does," Derek said, "you're such a big girl helping your Mommy today."

"She loves me Uncle D… cause when mommy let's me hold her she smiles and grabs my finger…and if her gets scared her knows me and Katie are her big sisters…"

"I'm sure she won't ever be scared if she has her big sisters with her," Meredith told her.

"Aunty m…when you get on airplane and come here …are you going to spend time with me or just my baby sister cause you the grandmother…and that that would make me sad."

"Sweetie, I'm going to spend time with you both…"

"But you gots to sleep here… so I can cuddle with you…uncle D can we cuddle?

"Yes…you can cuddle with me and uncle Derek…"

"Meghan," they heard Jenna's voice, "let me speak to Aunt Meredith again."

"Mommy…I still gots to ask if they like my baby sister's penguin costume…cause daddy said," the little girl giggled, "I be right…you was walking like the pretty penguins at the zoo."

Meredith and Derek's laughter was their instant reaction.

"Go ahead," Jenna said, "and laugh…I will remind you of this conversation Meredith, when you're nine months pregnant and waddling …"

"You do that," Meredith turned to Derek, and shook her head as she smiled softly, "as long as it's not Derek saying I look like a waddling penguin."

"Mer," Jenna said as she too laughed, "Rob was right," and all three laughed. "Listen, the reason I called, which you may have got a hint of from Meggie, it's about your trip out here for the baptism."

"What about it?" Derek said, and waited for her answer while pressing his lips softly against Meredith's.

"I was hoping the day you come in, you'd stay with us…so we can have some time together…without the entire family the day of the baptism…"

"Have you talked to Mom," Derek said, trying to interpret Meredith's reaction, "she may not be too happy with you for suggesting we don't stay at her house."

"She and Nancy did say I should let you two have some peace and quiet," Jenna admitted, "but you're not going to get that at her house either Derek, it's Thanksgiving weekend…so some of the grandkids will want to stay with her anyway."

"Let me talk to her," Derek said.

"Oh…" Jenna said, and Meredith hear the disappointment in the words that followed, "sure…they're probably right…the girls will want to monopolize your time…and the baby will probably keep you up…we'll just have you come over and meet her before the baptism on Saturday."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "let me talk to Carolyn…I'm sure she won't mind if we stay with you, as long as we spend a night with her."

"Meredith," Jenna's tone included a definite sniffle, "it s ok really… I'm just being selfish and want you here with…so the baby can get to know you…"

"We'll work it out," Meredith told her. "I want to spend time with you and the girls."

The spoke for a few more minutes before they said goodbye to Meghan, who was very excited at the possibility of her baby sister's grandparents spending the night with them.

"We can stay at Mom's," Derek told her, his fingers gently on her face. "I don't want to make this trip harder on you…"

"Derek," she said, "I think Carolyn is only trying to protect our feelings…but…it's ok."

"Meredith…"

"It's ok," she smiled softly at him and hugged him, allowing him to embrace her as though he'd never let her go.

"You're sure, about going to work?" he asked after they'd remain silent for a while.

"No," she told him, and pulled back from his embrace, "but, we have a patient to meet with…and it's a good day…a beautiful day to try so save her life."

"Meredith…"

"I'm going to shower…will you fix us breakfast?"

"Yes," he told her, "I love you."

"Derek," Meredith said softly, quietly, "you loving me…that's what makes today ok…and everyday…with you…gives me hope…and faith that one day… our dreams can come true," she said before sharing a tender loving kiss with him.

Meredith and Derek had chosen not to share the information on the baby's due date with their Seattle friends and family, but they were all medical professionals and none unaware that this week would be difficult for the couple. Derek wanted nothing more than to keep tabs on her all day, and she knew he was trying to be strong for her. It was one of those moments Cristina witnessed, when she saw the couple come face to face with each other along a hallway and he immediately hugged her, and she remained in his arms far longer than any public displays of affection between them, and she walked away after looking at her pager, but not before one last hug and then he was approached and engaged in conversation by another doctor.

"Derek," Cristina said as she stuck her head in to his office after knocking on the partially opened door, "we need to talk," he was immediately on alert by her tone and the use of his first name.

"What's wrong, is Meredith ok?"

"Yes," she said, "why wouldn't she be?"

"Nothing," he said, "it was just odd…you don't often use my first name."

"You're Mer's husband. I'm here as her person, what else would I call you?"

"I'm better off quitting while I'm ahead," he shook his head, a half smile on his lips.

"Probably," Cristina admitted.

"What's going on Cristina?"

"You tell me," she confronted straight on, "she's not herself today. I saw the two of you earlier in the hallway, I didn't have a chance to talk to her, but …something's been off with her all week, is it about her pregnancy?"

Derek took a deep breath, "her due date," he said, "was today."

Cristina was quiet before saying anything. "She didn't tell me."

"We recently found out," he told her. "She said she needed to know." They spoke for several more minutes, both in complete agreement over their concerns.

"Derek," Cristina said, "are you all right? I know what it meant to you too."

"I'm fine."

"Uh huh," Cristina said, "fine is not a good sign, we both know that."

"I'm just concerned over her, everything else will resolve itself."

"If you're there for each other, no avoiding," Cristina shared one last conciliatory observation before she turned to walk out, "you will be fine. Just don't screw it up…that applies to you both."

"Cristina," Derek called out before she left, "thank you," which she acknowledged with a quiet nod.

"Mer," Cristina said at lunch time, when she sat down at the cafeteria table with her friend, "I've been looking for you everywhere."

"What's going on?"

"You tell me," Cristina replied, and waited, certain her friend would confide in her.

"I'm glad," Meredith said after a few minutes of silence, "she had a boy."

"Mer," Cristina asked, "what are you talking about?"

"Lisette, she had a boy."

"I know that," Cristina commented, "but…"

"Our baby girl," Meredith said quietly, without looking up from her meal, "was due today."

"You can't know that," Cristina said.

"I do," Meredith said, without more explanation, "and Dr. Cameron confirmed his estimated due date based on my two sonograms."

"The nurse," Cristina stated, "having a boy makes it easier then."

"It does," Meredith said as she looked up and met her friend's gaze.

"I get it," Cristina told her, and surprisingly she did.

"Thank you."

"For what?"

"The lack of sarcasm."

"I have my moments," Cristina told her.

"Yes," Meredith replied, "you do."

"You ok? You need to cry or anything?"

Meredith smiled at her, "no…I'm ok."

"That's what Derek said."

"You spoke to Derek," Meredith said, her eyes reflecting surprise and concern. "You weren't mean to him, were you?"

"We have an understanding," Cristina answered.

"Cristina…" Meredith said in warning.

"We do," Cristina said, "ask him."

"You'd better not," Meredith started to say, only to be interrupted by her husband's arrival.

"I've been looking for you, both of you…"

"Why?" Meredith and Cristina replied simultaneously.

"What's wrong..." Meredith was the first to continue, "Derek…you and Cristina talked…she's being nice to you…what's going on?"

"You told her," Derek turned to Cristina.

"Only that we have an understanding," Cristina stated.

"So suspicious," Derek leaned down to kiss Meredith's lips, "both of you."

"It's not normal," Meredith said, as Derek grabbed her fork and ate part of her salad, "for the two of you to get along." Neither Derek nor Cristina disputed Meredith's statement, but he surprised both women.

"I've got a surgery in two hours, a completely unexpected case, I just finished examining the patient. I know it's not cardio Yang, but it's very rare and one of the most interesting ones I've come across and I want the best residents I can get…you're both in, if you'd like," he said and went on to explain the case, and both Meredith and Cristina undoubtedly wanted to scrub in.

"You're not so bad," Cristina said before she got up to leave, "when you're not being an ass, you can see the McDreamy of it all," she smirked.

"Hey," Derek told her, "I know about that…Mer told me you meant that to be sarcastic."

"Of course I did," Cristina said, "she was walking around mesmerized and acting dumb."

"I love you too Yang," Derek chuckled, and earned her glare before she walked away.

"Thank you," Meredith covered his hand with hers, "I love you."

"She loves you," Derek squeezed gently, "I can overlook anything…because of it."

"You're optimistic," Meredith said, "about our trial patient this morning, that injecting the virus was successful…I checked in on her before lunch, everything's looking good…"

"I have a feeling," he told her, entwining their fingers, "today, we're meant to save lives…both cases…very difficult…but they're going to be fine."

"I hope so," Meredith said, a half smile on her lips, a little doubtful.

"We will," Derek assured her, "both surgeries today…they will be fine."

"Bailey ordered me to take a full hour lunch, and I've only taken about twenty minutes," Meredith told him, "do you have time? Can we go sit outside for a little while?"

"Of course," he said, "let's go."

"Wait," she stopped him, "have you had lunch?"

"I'll eat later."

"Derek…no, we'll get you something now…"

"Let's go," he reached for her hand, "I'd rather spend some time with you."

"But…"

"Mer," he pulled her from the chair, "we don't do well with buts…"

"Are you going to tell me what you talked to Cristina about and why?"

"Ask her," he said, "then we can compare notes," and he put his arm around her as they sat on the bench on a beautiful and sunny fall afternoon.

"I told her," Meredith said absently, "today was my due date…and that I was glad Lisette had a boy…she surprised me, she understood."

"She cares about you," Derek kissed her temple, "she's totally different, when it comes to you. I can appreciate that," he said and felt the gentle tender caress of her hand on his, and then they heard a slight commotion headed their way.

"Dr. Mewedith…Dr. Mewedith…Dr. Shep," the familiar childish voice reached their ears, and they looked up to see her trying to let go of her mother's grasp, "Mommy… hurry…Mommy…it's really really portant…"

"Kelly Margaret," Colleen reprimanded, "you know you can not let go of my hand."

"But…Mommy…I pwomised…"

Colleen turned to her daughter, "you know it's not safe to let go of my hand in a parking lot."

"I know Mommy," the little girl said impatiently, as they reached the sidewalk, "but…we alweady did that…" and her mother let go of her hand and watched her daughter race toward the couple that was now standing by the bench and ran into Meredith's open arms.

"Kelly," Meredith said as she bent down and hugged her, "sweetie, you have to listen to your Mommy."

"I does," Kelly told her, "I listen all the time."

"She doesn't want you to get hurt, there's cars coming in and out of parking lots," she felt the little girl's tight embrace.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "I had to see you…and Dr. Shep…I pwomised…"

"Meredith, Derek," Colleen said as she reached them, "I'm sorry…she has been insisting she had to see you since early this morning."

"Is everything ok?" Derek asked, "Is she feeling ok?"

"Oh, no," Colleen said, "it's not about her…but her friend," she exchanged glances with them, and mouthed _Brianna._

"Kelly," Derek lifted the little girl and she put her small arms around his neck, "princess…sometimes, we have to be patient…and Dr. Meredith and I may be busy…"

"I know," the little girl smiled, "cause you have to do surgys and wait for sick people to get getter."

"Yes," he smiled at her, "and you have to listen to your Mommy."

"I knows…Dr. Shep, but today was very very special…and I pwomised my friend Brianna."

"What did you promise her," Meredith asked.

"That I was going to see you…and give you lots and lots of hugs," the four year old stated before her attention was drawn away. "Look…it's Dr. Lexie," she said, "and Dr. Mark…" and sure enough the two were walking from the parking lot, and changed their course as the little girl called out to them.

"Hey squirt," Mark said.

"I'm not a squirt," Kelly told him.

"I guess you're not," he ruffled her hair, "huh…maybe you're a princess…"

"I'm a princess…my daddy told me all the time," Kelly answered, and wiggled out of Derek's arms to see Lexie.

"Meredith, Derek," Colleen said while Kelly was momentarily distracted, "we don't know what to do, if we should really start to worry about this imaginary friend…she insisted Brianna told her she had to see you today, because it was very important, and I hope this will settle her down, because she was adamant she wants to spend the day with Meredith."

Meredith felt Derek's hand in hers, "it meant a lot to see her today…you have no idea."

"Colleen," Derek said, "I don't think you need to worry…Kelly's a very special and sensitive child…and …"

"Mommy," Kelly came back to her side, "Dr. Mark told me a joke…you wanna hear?"

"Mark," Derek warned, "you better not have…"

"It was a kid's joke Derek," Lexie defended, "truly," she said, and they all laughed as the little girl repeated the corny joke, before Mark and Lexie walked away.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly walked over to where all three adults had sat down on the bench, and climbed on her lap. "Can I spend all day with you?"

"Sweetie," Colleen told her, "I told you she has to work."

Kelly put both her small hands on Meredith's face, "do you gets home when it's dawk outside?"

"I'm not sure," Meredith said, "Dr. Shep and I have a surgery in a little while."

"Dr. Mewedith," the little girl looked intently into her eyes, and said very seriously, "but…I pwomised…I tolds Brianna I give you lots of hugs today…"

"Kelly," Colleen said, "you gave her a hug already and got to see her."

"Mommy," the little girl turned to her mother, and tears began to gather, "I pwomised…and it's really really portant…and she told me I gots to tell Dr. Mewedith to show me the picture I draw for her…remember Mommy…when me was still in the hospital…"

"Colleen," Meredith cleared her throat and said quietly, "my due date was today."

"Oh," Colleen could not disguise the small gasp, "Meredith…"

"Maybe later," Meredith said low enough for only Colleen to decide, "after my surgery?"

"Yes," Colleen replied right away, the inexplicable spiritual bond between her daughter and Brianna no longer a concern, as she accepted that Kelly, for whatever reasons, was meant to spend the day with Meredith, "of course…you can call me."

"Meredith," Derek said quietly, and Meredith reached for his hand.

"Kelly," Meredith said, "how about if after I finish my surgery, I call your Mommy…and if it's not too late you can have dinner with me?"

"Dr. Mewedith…that's the bestest supwise…but…Dr. Shep…he gots to be there too…and see my picture again…"

"I think Dr. Shep will be there," Meredith ran her hand through the little girl's curls.

"You gonna cook dinner," Kelly's eyes lit up, "I like meatloaf and cookies…"

"Kelly," Derek smiled at Meredith, "I don't think we have everything we need at home to cook meatloaf…but, tell you what…I'll make sure when I come to bring dinner, and we can have meatloaf…and maybe one or two cookies if that's ok with your Mom."

"Mashed potatoes too," Kelly told him, "you gots to have that and gween beans," she said and Derek chuckled.

"Colleen," Meredith said, "I don't want to put you out of your way, I'll call you and I can stop by and get her…"

"I'm spending the day with her," Colleen told them, "she's outgrown shoes and some clothes, and John's out of town, so Sean's at Mom's. Call me when you're done and I can bring her over."

"You know," Meredith said, "I'm going to finish earlier than Derek, so whatever is easiest for you…bring her here or to the house…I think that's closer to your Mom's," and they spoke for several more minutes and decided Kelly would be dropped off at Meredith's and then she and Derek would bring her to Colleen's parents where they were spending the night..

"Dr. Shep," Kelly smiled at him, "you gonna make a little girl better like me…cause you the best doctor."

Meredith rolled her eyes at Derek's reaction; then she smiled, the innocent and adorable flirtatious child had come into their lives at the perfect moment and as she had done months before; on this day too, helped to heal and diminish their sadness.

"Today," Derek said patiently, "it's not a little girl, but it's a very special young lady that we're going to help feel better and get well."

"You and Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "cause…she's the bestest girl doctor in the world."

"Yes," Derek grinned, "I believe you are right."

"I'm gonna grow up and be the bestest girl doctor too…"

"You are," Derek smiled; he had expected her to forget about that.

"Yep," Kelly smiled and reached and touched his face, "and get to wear pajamas like Dr. Lexie and you…and…"

"Ok," Colleen said, "Kelly, we have to go…"

"But Mommy…"

"They have to go back to work, and you're going to see them later."

"Mommy, can I just tell Dr. Shep one more thing?"

"Yes," Colleen agreed, as Meredith smiled at her.

"Dr. Shep…" Kelly said, "I tolds Brianna I was going to be the bestest doctor..."

"You did," Derek smiled, "and what did she say…"

"She told me that was impossible….cause her daddy was the bestest doctor in the whole wide world…and I told her she was wrong…cause you were…cause you took care of me and made me better," Kelly said, unaware of the deep emotional effect her words had on the man who had indeed saved her life, as tears gathered in the eyes of her friend's mommy and daddy.

"She told you that," Derek cleared his throat, after pausing long enough to swallow past the lump of emotions lodged in this throat.

"Uh huh," Kelly nodded, "so I told her I be the bestest girl bwain doctor in the world…"

"And what did she say?" Derek asked.

"She said when I gots bigger I could do that…but that it was lots and los of years away cause her Mommy was the bestest girl doctor but her mommy would teach me…"

Meredith locked gazes with Colleen, and both women communicated their silent understanding at how significant Brianna; Kelly's angel was in their lives.

"And what did you tell her?" Derek asked.

"I tolds her she was wrong…cause…Dr. Mewedith was the bestest girl doctor…"

"And what did she say," Derek asked once more, his hand on Meredith's back, gently offering his comfort.

"She giggled," Kelly giggled too, "and she tolds me…she had a big secret…but she was going to tells me later…lots and lots of time later."

"You know what Kelly," Meredith spoke softly to her, "when you grow up…I'd love to help you and teach to be the best girl doctor ever…"

"You will," the little girl asked as her eyes widened.

"I will," Meredith told her, "and I bet Dr. Shep will help too."

"Cause you love me?"

"Yes," Meredith as she closed her eyes for a moment, "because we love you…"

"Lots and lots," Kelly said, "like I love you lots and lots…"

"Just like that," Meredith said, as the little girl threw her arms around her neck and hugged her, and in the minutes that followed Derek and Meredith were once again alone.

"Our baby," Derek said as he drew her into his arms and held her, "made today very special…for her Mommy…"

"And Daddy," Meredith said, her voice choked by tears, "on the day…we would have met her," and they remained in each other's arms, unconcerned by anything other than the other's emotional needs.

"Yang," Derek said a few hours later as the three of them scrubbed out together, "great job."

"It was an amazing surgery, thanks for getting me on it," Cristina told him, "you're good."

"Ok," Meredith said, "enough of this love fest. What the hell's wrong with you two? And you," she had already dried her hands and poked Derek in the chest, "you're eating up her compliments…and complimenting her and can't you say anything about me…"

"I love you," Derek smiled at her, "what else do you need?"

"You're an ass," Meredith told him.

"Shepherd," Cristina said, "I agree…that was a bad call."

"She knows she's good," Derek teased her; "I don't have to keep complimenting her."

"This," Cristina smirked, "is my cue to leave."

"Did she tell you," Derek joked, but clearly wanting to inform her friend, "she's cooking for Kelly tonight."

"Mer," Cristina looked at her, "Shepherd saved her life…are you sure you want to mess with it…you…cooking…"

"Oh," Meredith said, in a bit of an exasperated tone, "you two…are….just…"

Derek put his arms around her, "we…both care about you, that's all."

"You have a funny way…"

"Let's go," Derek said, and reached for her hand, "we have good news to give to our two patients today…and you need to go home."

"Mer," Cristina who was still there said, "if you need anything…call me."

"You're volunteering to come over and help…with a four year old," Meredith asked incredulously.

"No. I'm offering to be there, if you need me today."

"Oh," Meredith said, and before she knew it, Cristina Yang reached out and very briefly hugged her.

"Call me," Cristina said, "if you need me," and shocking them both turned to Derek and added, "I'm here for hours still, you can call me too."

"What…" Meredith said as Cristina walked away, "was that?"

"Your person…and sister," Derek stated simply, and smiled at her.

Cristina reached for her phone and texted.

-Mama Shep, they are fine, truly

-Thank you dear, appreciate you keeping an eye on them

-She's my person

-Yes, but thank you, for looking out for my son too

-He loves her

-Yes, he does

-email you later or tomorrow

-thank you dear, and don't forget to think about Thanksgiving weekend

It was close to four o'clock when Meredith called Colleen to let her know she was on her way home, and shortly thereafter, mother and daughter were at her doorstep.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said excitedly, "you gots a swing…can we sit there?"

"We can," Meredith said as she led them inside, and Kelly walked ahead and looked around curiously, then suddenly nervous added, "Colleen, do I need to know anything…I mean…I should have asked before, I never stay around kids by myself…Derek's usually around…or someone and maybe…"

"Only," Colleen placed her hand on Meredith's arm, "that I trust you completely, as she does. But, you may be faced with a minor crisis of crankiness in a couple hours, because she did not want to nap, so if you can talk her into it without her realizing it, you'll be much better off."

"Mommy," Kelly interrupted, "no grown up talk…"

"That won't interfere," Meredith said, "with later," she mouthed bedtime.

"Don't worry about it," Colleen said, "it will all work itself out."

"Mommy…" Kelly whined, "no grown up talk."

"Kelly Margaret," Colleen said, and Kelly reacted immediately.

"Sorry…it's not nice to whine, right Mommy?"

"That's right."

"Mommy," Kelly smiled, "you can go now…before Sean wakes up."

"Are you kicking me out," Colleen said with amusement.

"No silly," Kelly told her mother, "but I gets to tell Dr. Mewedith lots of stories and I told you already, and Mommy…my baby brother he misses you if you're not there when he gets up from his nap."

"You know," Colleen attempted to persuade her daughter, "I bet Meredith is tired from so many surgeries and she could use a nap too…"

"Mommy, I don't want a nap."

"No sweetie, but Meredith may want one…"

"Mommy…that's silly doctors don't take naps."

"Actually," Meredith said, "Kelly, we do…we take naps all the time," she said, and got the little girl's attention before she said goodbye to her mother.

"Mommy," Kelly said, "you stay at Nana's and kiss me goodnight?"

"Yes sweetie, I'll be there tonight."

"Ok, Mommy you can go now."

"Meredith, call me if you need to." Colleen smiled, and without hesitation reached to hug her, "I hope it helped seeing Kelly today, I couldn't understand it, why she was so insistent, but I'm glad that she did."

"It helped," Meredith told her as she hugged her back, "you have no idea what it means to me, especially today."

"I believe I do," Colleen smiled at her, "Kelly's little angel…had a message for her Mommy and Daddy."

"You don't mind? How much Kelly's talking about it?"

"I didn't understand it," Colleen said, "but…I do…I believe I do…for many reasons Meredith, Kelly was meant to be in your lives…and you were meant to be in ours…sometimes, and this is one of those times, I believe God meant for this to happen, call it fate if you will, but it was meant to happen."

"Mommy…can you tell Dr. Mewedith that I have lots of cookies."

"No," Colleen laughed, "because you can't."

"But, it's a special day Mommy…cause I gots to visit her house."

"Meredith," Colleen said, "not too much sugar."

"Ice cream," Meredith asked, "and two cookies?"

"Dr. Mewedith…I love ice cream…chocolate…"

"Meredith," Colleen said quietly, "two cookies with milk now would be ok. Ice cream for dinner and couple cookies would be fine too."

"Bye Mommy," Kelly insisted and hugged her mother.

"Bye sweetie, be a good girl."

"I always a good girl Mommy."

"Yes, you are," Colleen hugged her and kissed her goodbye.

"You gots a pretty house Dr. Mewedith…do you have a kitchen?"

"Yes," Meredith giggled.

"Do you have cookies?"

"I think we do," Meredith said, "are you trying to tell me you want cookies?"

"Yes, please," Kelly smiled. "Cookies never spoil my appetite," she repeated what she must have heard hundreds of times.

"How about," Meredith held her hand and walked with her to the kitchen, "we find out what kind we have," and when they did, Kelly chose chocolate chip, and Meredith told her it was ok only if she has a glass of milk with them.

"That's what Nana Maggie does," Kelly told her, "but hers come from the oven."

"Those are the best kind," Meredith told her, "aren't they?"

"Oh no," Kelly said, "these are wonderful," she mumbled with her mouth full, and went on to tell Meredith about her day, helping to lighten her spirit and be thankful for having this child in her life.

"Kelly," Meredith said after a couple of yawns from Kelly, "I'm really tired, and I was thinking if we go upstairs to my room I could take a nap, if you keep me company."

"I can keep you company, but no nap for me. I stay in your room and play and you can take a nap. But remember Dr. Mewedith, you gots to show me where you have my picture…I draw for you."

"Ok," Meredith said, and reached for the little girl's hand and walked toward the stairs.

"We gots lots of stairs in my house, but I got to be careful…" Kelly said. "I like your house Dr. Mewedith it has lots of pwetty things…and I like all the colors on the lamps."

"You're very observant," Meredith smiled.

"My aunt Shannon says that all the time."

"I bet she does," Meredith laughed.

"You gonna show me the picture?"

"I am," Meredith said as she walked in the bedroom.

"Dr. Mewedith, I gots to go to the bathroom…" Kelly told her and then reminded Meredith again she wanted to see the picture, little did Meredith know the reason for her insistence.

"See," Meredith said as she walked to the nightstand, "I told you it would have a very special place," and took the picture she'd placed in a frame, just as she'd told her she would, and placed it in Kelly's hand.

"It's a special place," Kelly smiled, "so you can see it…all the time, and cause it was the first picture you got…from a little girl right Dr. Mewedith…"

"That's right sweetie, it was my very first picture…"

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said suddenly and turned to her and back to the nightstand, and brought her little hand to her mouth in surprise.

"Kelly, sweetie…what is it?"

"You gots her picture Dr. Mewedith…"

"Whose picture Kelly?"

"Brianna," Kelly pointed to the photograph on the nightstand, "you gots a picture of my friend Brianna…Dr. Mewedith…but…she's my angel…how…do you gots her picture."

Meredith didn't know how she was able to continue breathing without breaking down, as she stared at the frame Kelly was pointing too; a photo of herself as a little girl.

"Sweetie," Meredith said softly, "that's a picture of me when I was a little girl…"

"Oh no…Dr. Mewedith…that's my friend Brianna…cause I've seen her…"

"Maybe she just looks like me a little, and it reminds you of her…"

"She's my friend Dr. Mewedith…and she's an angel…and you gots her photo."

"Sweetie," Meredith had no idea how to respond, except she'd never been more certain that the spiritual gifts, her dreams, Kelly's presence in their lives; this moment was meant to reassure her that in spite of today's sadness the future was filled with hope that their dreams would come true, and she didn't question and simply accepted the beautiful and priceless moment with this child, "I think she probably just looks a little like me…and it's ok if she reminds you of the way I look in the photo."

Meredith lifted her to sit on the bed beside her, and Kelly asked her to hold the frame.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly told her, as though she'd had an amazing revelation, and in reality she had, though it would be years before she truly understood the spirituality and poignancy of the moment, "I know why you gots a photo of Brianna…and cause of why you look like her…"

"You do," Meredith said simply, "will you tell me why?"

Kelly smiled as she looked at the photograph and one small finger pointed to Meredith's photo, and then beamed at Meredith, "cause she's your Angel too…and she knew she looked like you…when you was little…"

"I think," Meredith swallowed through the myriad of emotions playing havoc with her heart, "you're right…she knew I looked like her when I was little."

Kelly climbed on her lap, "she told me it was very portant…I give you lots of hugs today," and she hugged Meredith tightly, "and to tell you she loves you and Dr. Shep lots and lots… and she loves you so much…cause you look like her…when you was a little girl…" and Kelly continued to talk to her, and tell her all that her friend had said and as she sat on her lap Meredith continued to intermittently run her fingers through Kelly's dark curls, and eventually her eyes began to close and Meredith lay her down, while the little girl instinctively snuggled close to her and both fell asleep the rest of the afternoon.

Kelly looked up and smiled as Derek walked in the bedroom and put her index finger to her lips, making Derek smile as he approached the bed where his wife was asleep and Kelly sat coloring. "What are you doing?" Derek asked.

"Coloring," Kelly whispered, "you can't talk loud…cause Dr. Mewedith is tired…cause Doctors work really hard and take naps."

"They do," Derek lowered his voice, though he saw the slight smile on Meredith's lips.

"Dr. Shep," she continued to whisper, "did you bring dinner…cause I'm so hungry."

"I did," Derek smiled, "just what you ordered."

"Chocolate ice cream?"

"You asked me for meatloaf," Derek told her, "and cookies."

"I ate cookies and drank milk…"

"You did, and you're still hungry?"

"Cookies never spoil my appetite," she repeated her earlier comment, making Derek laugh, and Meredith shifted to lie on her back. "Oh oh…you waked her up."

"You think she's awake?" Derek teased Kelly.

"I not sure," Kelly looked over at Meredith who was doing her best not to smile.

"Let's find out," Derek told her and leaned in to kiss Meredith's lips.

"You kissed her," Kelly exclaimed, "like the prince…kisses Sleeping Beauty…and Daddy kisses Mommy…"

"Let's see if it worked, if she wakes up," Derek said, while his hand caressed the length of Meredith's thigh. "I don't think so."

"You gots to kiss her again," Kelly told him with as she grinned.

"I don't know," Derek said, "she may not like my kisses…"

"Kiss her again silly…" Kelly told him, which he'd intended to all along and Meredith let him know she was indeed awake, though theirs was a gentle g-rated kiss.

"I tolds you…Dr. Shep," Kelly said excitedly, "you waked her up."

"I guess I did," he smiled at Meredith, and kissed brushed her lips again.

"She's waked up Dr. Shep, you don't gots to keep kissing her now."

"How long was she with you today, already…bossy…" he teased his wife.

"Sweetie," Meredith said, "did you finish your picture?"

"You see me…Dr. Mewedith…but you was sleeping…"

"I had my eyes closed, but only for a little bit," Meredith told her, "I couldn't fall asleep if I have you with me."

"That's what Nana says to Paddy, have to keep her eyes open all the time," and Derek and Meredith shared a smiled. "Dr. Mewedith," Kelly scooted over and put her hands on Meredith's cheeks wanting her full attention, "I gots to tell Dr. Shep my secret…about my friend Brianna."

"You can tell him," Meredith met Derek's gaze, "he'll like to hear your secret."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly turned to him, while Meredith sat up, "you remember my friend Brianna…she's a little angel…"

"I do," Derek was holding Meredith's hand.

"Dr. Mewedith has a picture of her…"

"Mer…"

"Show him…Dr. Mewedith," Kelly told her, "you gots to…"

"Meredith," Derek said again, "what is Kelly talking about?"

"Show him," Kelly asked again, and Meredith reached for her photograph.

"Your photo," Derek said, not quite understanding.

"That's Dr. Mewedith," Kelly told Derek, "when she was a little girl…and that's cause why my friend Brianna is her little angel too…cause she looks like Dr. Mewedith."

Derek was speechless, and felt Meredith's hand on his back, caressing gently, offering comfort, much as he did for her.

"Isn't she beautiful…Dr. Shep…I tolds you…my angel friend was beautiful."

"Yes princess," Derek said when we had his emotions under control, "your friend Brianna is a beautiful angel."

"I know," Kelly said, "cause she's an angel…and her eyes are blue like yours."

They went to the kitchen shortly after and Kelly helped set the table, and at one point Derek put his arms around Meredith and hugged her, "I love you."

"I love you too," she said, "we have lots to talk about."

"We do," he said, and kissed the back of her neck.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly said, "you kiss Dr. Mewedith lots and lots…cause you love her?"

"Yes, because I love her very much."

"My Daddy loves my Mommy a lot…and I love Mommy lots and lots…but that's different right Dr. Shep…you have all different kinds of love…my Mommy tolds me."

"That's right," Derek said, "there are different kinds…how much you love your Mommy and Daddy, and how much they love each other…"

"Cause they are old…like you and Dr. Mewedith and they kiss a lot…but they not as old as Grandma and Grandpa and Nana and…you remember…your Mommy's old too…"

"Yes," Derek chuckled, "we are older…but we're not old…"

"Only little kids are not old," Kelly stated, as she continued to chat through dinner, "big people are old."

Meredith smiled and reached over to place her hand over his, "you're not old…"

"Neither are you," Derek teased her.

Kelly giggled, "grown up talk is so silly…"

"Yes, Kelly," Meredith said, "I think you're right."

"Can we have ice cream now? I'm done with dinner."

"We can," Meredith said looking at the little girl's almost empty plate.

"How about you finish the rest," Derek said.

"No," Kelly told him, "I full of green beans already."

Meredith giggled, earning a glare from Derek. "I think it's ok if you don't eat those two green beans that are left over."

"Thank you," Kelly sighed dramatically, "I know they good for you…but I like the other stuff better…and I'm a little girl…so I gots to have room left for ice cream," she said, as Meredith smiled indulgently, as Derek did, watching his wife and Kelly devour the ice cream.

"Let's get all your things together," Meredith said right before the phone rang, and went upstairs with Kelly, "so we can drive you to your Nana's."

"Colleen," Derek said, "we were just getting ready to drive her over to your Mom's. Are you sure, it's not a problem. Ok, we'll see you shortly."

"Mer," Derek said, "Colleen's stopping by to get Kelly."

"She's coming over," Meredith said, "is everything ok?

"Yes," Derek told her, "John flew home a day early, she just got him at the airport. Where's our little guest?"

"She's in the den, I needed a moment with you," she wrapped her arms around his waist.

"I love these moments," he told her, and hugged her.

"I love you Derek," she kissed him tenderly, and just for a moment deepened their kiss.

"Dr. Mewedith," they heard and pulled apart, "can I have a cookie before I go home?"

"I'm not sure," Meredith told her "you had ice cream."

"Mommy said I can have two cookies with ice cream…and you only gave me one."

"Mer," Derek asked, "what to do you think? One more cookie?"

"Well," Meredith said, "you did have all your dinner and you kept me company so I could take a nap."

"I was very good girl Dr. Mewedith."

"Yes," Meredith lifted her and hugged her as Kelly wrapped her little legs around her, "you were, and I loved spending time with you today."

They were sitting in the kitchen when the doorbell rang, and Derek went to answer and escorted John to the kitchen.

"Daddy," Kelly cried out enthusiastically, "you got home," she ran to her father as soon as Meredith lifted her from the stool and placed her on the floor, "I missed you so much."

"I missed you too," John told her as the little girl hugged and kissed him.

"Where's Mommy and Sean?"

"Sean fell asleep," John kissed her check again, "so Mommy's in the car with him."

"We go home now…not to Nana's?"

"We're going home," John told her. "Did you behave?"

"I was very good girl, right Dr. Mewedith?"

"You were," Meredith told her, "she was delightful," she said to her father.

"Princess," John said, "what do you say to Meredith and Derek?"

"Thank you," Kelly smiled, "but I gots to hug them Daddy," she said, and when he put her down she went to Derek who scooped her up.

"Can I come back and visit?"

"We'll have to ask your Mommy and Daddy?" Derek said.

"Daddy…can I…please…?"

"I'm sure you can," John said, "but we have to make sure it's convenient for Meredith and Derek, you know they are both doctors and work many hours at the hospital."

"I know Daddy," she sighed, "but they gots time at home too."

"We'll see," John said.

"Daddy…please…"

"Tell you what," Meredith said, "when I have time off, we'll talk to your Mommy and see if we can spend some time together again, ok?"

"Ok," Kelly said. "Dr. Shep…you bring dinner again…cause Dr. Mewedith she tolds me she is a good doctor but she can't cook good."

"I'll take care of dinner," Derek chuckled.

"I've gots one more secret," she whispered loud enough for John to hear, "my friend Brianna…said it was very very portant…to tell…"

"What's that sweetie," Meredith asked her as she reached to caress the little girl's face.

"She said, remember Kelly…tell Dr. Mewedith and Dr. Shep," Kelly leaned in to Meredith and said, "she loves to whisper…in your ear…but I gots confused cause she said it was her birthday today…and she loves her Mommy and Daddy lots and lots …"

"Thank you princess," Derek said, as he felt Meredith's hand on his back, "for sharing that with us…we're very happy Brianna is your angel…"

"Cause she looks like Dr. Mewedith," Kelly asked.

"Because," Derek said, "only very special little girls have their very own angel."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly hugged him tightly, "she's Dr. Mewedith's little angel too…"

"Yes, she is," Derek hugged her back, and kissed her cheek before passing her over to Meredith.

"Derek," John said, "what was that about…"

"Long story, I'm sure she'll tell you about it on the way home," he said, and they spoke quietly for a few minutes as Derek walked out with him toward the car, leaving Meredith a few minutes with Kelly.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly touched her face, "you got wet eyes…cause you're happy? You tolds me…you can have wet eyes and be happy…"

"I did tell you that," Meredith smiled at her, "and yes… I am happy that you shared what your friend Brianna told you, and because I had a very special day today, because I got to spend it with you."

"Cause you love me…"

"Because I love you."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly hugged her tightly, "I love you lots and lots," and Meredith closed her eyes and felt peace settle within her heart.

"I love you lots and lots too sweetie…"

"I be your special friend ," Kelly told her, "just like my friend Brianna…she said she was my friend for always," and Meredith allowed the tears to fall as she hugged her own little angel close to her.

"Mommy," Kelly said as soon as they reached the car and put her arms out for her mother to hold her. The three adults had been standing by the car when Meredith joined them, "I gets to come back."

"You do?" Colleen said.

"Uh huh…" Kelly nodded.

"We'll have to talk to Meredith and Derek about that," she said, the friendship between the adults established months before, and they had explained to Kelly it was ok for grown up to use first names with each other, but not for little girls.

"Daddy," Kelly said, "you was there…Dr. Mewedith said it was ok."

"She said," John told her, "she would talk to your Mommy when she had time off."

"That's right," Kelly pouted, "she gots to work lots."

"Kelly," Meredith smiled at her, "I'm sure I'll see you soon, ok…even if I have to work."

"You pwomise?"

"I do…I will see you soon," Meredith told her, and knew without any doubts she would not let the little girl down. Her relationship with Kelly as well as with Derek's younger nieces had become added and intricately woven threads in the tapestry of her life.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said suddenly, "we forgot the swing…"

"We did," Meredith smiled, "I guess that just means you have to come back."

"See Mommy…I gots to come back."

"We took a nap," Meredith smiled at Colleen, "did Derek tell you about the photo?"

"He did," Colleen smiled, "call me, when you have time this week."

"I will," Meredith told her, and uncharacteristically reached over to hug mother and daughter. "Thank you for sharing her."

"God," Colleen said, "answers our prayers very unexpectedly."

"Yes," Meredith told her, "He does," and felt Derek's gentle touch on her back.

"Let's call it an early night," Derek said, as they turned to walk back in the house.

"Yes," she told him, as they walked hand in hand. "It's been a long day."

"I'll clean up in the kitchen," he hugged her and kissed her temple tenderly.

"Ok," she agreed so she could get upstairs and carry out her plan for the evening.

"Mer," Derek said when he walked back in the room and didn't see her.

"In here," she called through the open bathroom door, and he followed to find the tub just about filled with water and candles the only illumination in the room.

"You're getting in the tub?"

"No," she said, and walked up to him, and put her arms around him, "you are. You've had two very stressful surgeries today and I'm going to give you a massage."

"Meredith," he said softly, "today…I want to take care of you…let me please…"

"I want to do the same," she hugged him tighter, "so we can take care of each other," and she proceeded to help him undress. Every touch, a wife's gentle loving caress that spoke of deep love and commitment, at the end of a day where emotions ran deep, and touched their very souls.

"Derek," she said as she lay back against him, "can I ask you something."

"Of course you can," he massaged the spot below her neck, releasing the tension.

"I loved your idea of spending our next weekend in Vancouver Island, but…"

"But," he teased, massaging her back, "is going to get me in trouble…"

"You know what I'd really like…"

"What…"

"I'd like to fly to New York instead," her words stunned him, "meet our goddaughter…"

"Mer," he said, "I'm not so sure…that's a good idea…we'll be there for the baptism."

"Derek," Meredith's hand rested on his thigh, lightly massaging, "don't you want to see her…before she gets old…"

"She's not going to get old," he told her, "she's two weeks old…"

"You know what I mean…they change how they look…and I want to see her…"

"You're sure," he said, wrapping his arms around her, his chin resting on the crook of her neck, "why don't you think about it…we'll talk about it again…"

"Ok," she said, but she was certain, it was the right thing to do…it what she wanted and needed to do, and finally heal.

"Ok," he said, as his hands roamed her body.

Days before, through their emotional rollercoaster, she'd reminded him, it was not about the sex, it was about the moment afterwards; except now was the moment before, when two lovers truly accepted and understood theirs was a love fated to be legendary, and the loss of a dream not only sealed their love for a lifetime, but faith became the golden threads that would shine throughout that imaginary tapestry; while the unexpected heartbreaking sadness experienced months before was woven into the small corner panel that had become their past, and the rest of the panels were taking on a new life, filled with hope and faith, and answers to old childhood and recent prayers.

The ringing phone startled the woman watching late night television, and immediately reached to answer and her heart warmed as she heard the voice. "Mom, it's Meredith, I know it's late, but I had to share our day with you," Derek snuggled her closer, smiling as he listened to her voice, and somehow, just as three earthly adults said a silent prayer of thanks, three souls recently acquainted whispered through the sounds of eternity.

"_Thank you," Meredith briefly closed her eyes, "Mom…you said it would be ok…to call her that…please take care of my baby."_

"_I love you Meredith…don't doubt it please…I promise you, I'm taking care of her."_

"_Dad," Derek said, "I can feel you're close to me…please take care of our little girl."_

"_I love you son, and I'm always close to you and your sisters…and I'm watching over your little girl, and all my grandchildren…and my Irish..."_

"_Irish," Carolyn thought, "she's calling me Mom…today…of all days…I miss you so much…it's getting closer…the time for us to be together."_

"_Listen Irish," the gentle soul whispered, "I left them too early…don't you dare think you're going to do the same…you've got six more grandchildren to take care of…and I miss you too…but…it's not time yet, not for a long while…but then, my love…we will be together for eternity…even," the playfulness in him remembered, could still joke, "Irish we didn't make it under the Bridge of Sighs…but you did, and I was right there with you…so you're stuck with me."_

Far away where distance and space ceased to exist, three souls intimately familiar with the other rejoiced. Their loved ones had found peace in their hearts; their souls had healed in months, a blink of an eye to them, if truth be told. The littlest one stayed close to her grandmother, "do you think my Mommy and Daddy know…it was supposed to be my birthday?"

"I am absolutely certain," the grandmother replied with all the warmth and loving comfort she wished she'd offered her daughter, "that is why they are happy baby, because, they heard the message from their precious angel."

"Granpa is that me?"

"Yes, Brianna," her grandfather smiled, "their priceless and beautiful angel."

"Granma…my friend Kelly spent all day with my Mommy…and she got to tell her I love her lots and lots…and my Mommy and Daddy…are you sure they heard her?"

"Yes, baby…they know, that is why they are very happy, even though they would have loved to have you with them…they know you love them, and they love you, very much."

"They love me lots and lots…" the littlest soul asked for reassurance.

"They love you all the way from here to where they are and back lots and lots of times."

"That's a lot Granma…they love me lots and lots…"

"Yes, they do," Ellis said.

"I love you Granma…I love you Granpa…"

"We love you too," her Irish grandfather said.

"Sweetheart," Carolyn said, "you have been in my prayers all day, and I am so happy that you called," and then she beamed again, her heart filled with joy at the sound of "Mom."

"Mom," Meredith said, "Derek knows most of the story, and he's listening, but I had to share it with you too…it was…the most beautiful day…a priceless surprise," she began, "and I'm taking it all on faith, but I really believe God has answered my prayers."

God also smiled down at the couple that had become the other's strength, and found faith in each other, and yes, in Him; and whispered words that he already knew had been heard, but wanted to reassure them, because their sadness was far behind them, and the glimpses of dreams He had given them months before were about to become a reality. Well, He smiled at the three souls near him and they felt the warmth of His radiance; time was relative in the earthly plane, but even in their terms, the time had come, and was just around the corner for dreams to be fulfilled.


	211. Chapter 211

_A/N 21Mar – One of the comments for the last chapter, asks that I not rush the ending, and I won't, I hate when that happens in stories you invest hours and months reading. It's funny to read about rushing a story that is 200 chapters long, but I understand exactly what it means, and it's my goal that you don't feel that way. I had very clearly outlined scenes and events in my mind that had to happen before I was happy with this story, and I will strive to make that happen._

_I've tried to reply to everyone that commented over the last chapters, but some have no links for me to do so, and take this opportunity to thank you so very much for taking the time to review: Maureen, your enthusiasm and support throughout this story has been one of the reasons I want to do the best I can for the rest of this journey; mclumsy & tjam thank you for reading; stilllovesgreys, I can guarantee it will happen!_

_My self imposed deadline of March 27...had to be postponed and Chapter 200 is not to far away; after that, it's a matter of closing all the loose ends which believe it or not (you know my writing, so you'll believe it, not to mention the length of this author's note) there are 4-5 epilogue chapters. If you feel the next chapters are rushed or inconclusive, please don't hesitate to let me know...I have no problems in fixing something that does not work._

_This chapter, you may think, why is she going on about this or that…well…as time goes by…you will see answers unfold…Warm regards, Jasmin _

_**Ch 197 – Tiny miracles – Part 1 **_

Derek walked off the elevator yawning and met the amused gaze of the petite woman in scrubs as she shook her head and pretended to scowl.

"Shepherd," Miranda Bailey said, "aren't you getting a little old for staying up all night. You're married, you don't have to convince her of your prowess," she teased, "damn entire hospital knows about it."

"Meredith kept me up all night," he mumbled, "and then this morning…"

"Hey," Miranda raised her hand, "don't give me details."

"She was up all night, first on the phone," he started to say and was interrupted again.

"Yang still wreaking havoc on your beauty sleep," she teased again.

"What are you so cheery about," Derek told her, "it's not like you, you're serious and hard core, and grouchy…oh wait," he smiled at her, tilting his head.

"Don't go tilting your head and smiling, McDreamy has no effect on me."

"But Tucker does," Derek smiled again and leaned down to whisper, "no doubt about it," he said as she became flustered.

"You…you," she attempted to glare at him, "men…all stupid."

"Yeah," Derek chuckled, "we probably are, come on Miranda have coffee with me."

"Shepherd," she retorted, "I don't have time to be socializing my morning away…"

"Who's socializing," he said. "I'm your boss…" she glared at him, "technically, and I need to consult with you on a case."

"What kind of case?" she was skeptical, but was curious and asked as they waited by the coffee cart before walking to his office.

"It's about Meredith, I swear she didn't even notice I was there last night and this morning she was gone before I even..."

"I'm not giving you marital advice," she stared at him and said quietly, "of the sexual kind," and he roared with laughter.

"Maybe you can help with baby advice," he said as he yawned again, and opened the door to his office.

"Baby advice…Derek, is Meredith pregnant? Is she all right…is that why she's keeping you up at night? That's wonderful news…"

"What," he turned to her, "no…she's not…Miranda, why would you think that?"

"Ok, you moron," she turned to him, standing with both hands on her hips, "did you not ask me about baby advice?"

"Yeah…but..." he realized how that could have been misinterpreted, "you're right, that could have been misinterpreted."

"Get rid of some of that overly moussed hair," she told him, "maybe taking some weight off the brain will help with oxygen flow."

"Very funny," he smiled at her. "But that's not what I meant."

"Speak up then," Miranda said, "I don't have time to waste like you do."

"We found out," he confided in her, "her due date, and with Lisette's baby and then my sister's it was a very emotional day for her, and I'd planned for us to go away this week, but she insisted she wants to go to New York instead and meet our godchild…"

"Grey," Miranda said, "not avoiding…"

"Exactly," Derek jumped, "I'm not sure if it's the best thing for her, having to deal with a baby that is very close to when our baby would have been born…and it's this weekend Miranda, we have it off, she made me cancel the reservations and book a flight."

"Derek," Miranda said, "Meredith is not avoiding, she's asking you to go to New York, meet your godchild. She's not turning away from what surely will be difficult but is dealing with it head on, and as much as I know it may hurt her, she's also matured, wanting to meet a baby that surely will be very significant in both your lives. That can't be a bad thing…but what about you, how do you feel?"

"It's not about me," Derek told her. "It's about her, emotionally being able to deal …"

"I think it is," Miranda contradicted him. "It wasn't just Meredith that was affected by your loss Derek. It was your child as well."

Derek took a couple of deep breaths, "I can deal with it…she's the one that…"

"Tell me," Miranda asked her friend, "why was she up? Was she upset? Did she…"

"No, she was up on the internet, the computer glare makes it hard to sleep, but she was determined to learn everything about babies…developmental stages in the first 20 days of life, since the baby will be 17 days old…when we see her."

"So," Miranda shook her head, "no sleep makes you grouchy."

"I'm not grouchy," Derek grumbled.

"Right," Miranda smirked, "you can dish it out but…"

Derek ignored her smirk and said, "so…you don't think it's a bad idea…for her to want to see the baby, deal with the situation…"

"I think it's healthy in some ways. Derek she wants to deal with it, instead of avoiding, that's huge for her."

"I know," he said, "maybe you're right…and I'm being selfish…"

"I didn't say that."

"I know Miranda, but…going back home, another baby in the family…and we…" he pursed his lips and closed his eyes briefly, and felt his friend's hand over his.

"You'll be back home," Miranda said, "with your own baby one day…"

"There's no guarantees," Derek met her gaze, "she's been worried about that too."

"I think," Miranda told him, "that you don't have to worry about that, it will happen. I'm certain that it will."

"I hope so," Derek said absently.

"Snap out of it," Miranda, "it's gonna happen."

"You sound so sure."

"That's because I am. And you know," she added, realizing how much he too was affected by all of this, "by the time it does, you'll be an expert on kids…with Kelly's influence, and I'm gonna trust you with Tuck, he's been driving me nuts wanting to _ish_, so when you get back while you're pining away for Grey working on the weekend you'll have my son to entertain with the finer…or rather disgusting," she made a face, "points of fishing."

"Women," Derek chuckled, "how can you think that way of fish, you're a surgeon."

"I save lives," Miranda told him, "I don't clean fish that make you stink all day."

"You're really going to trust me, with Tuck, that's not what you said before."

"Just make sure you keep Sloan away, I don't want to worry that you have two kids to keep an eye on, an energetic little one is enough for you to handle."

"Thank you," Derek met his friend's gaze, "for trusting me with him."

"Of course I do," she said, reassuring the man who had become her friend, and now also needed a bit of bonding with a child to remind him of life's many tiny miracles.

"You're a good friend Miranda," Derek told her, both fully aware of each other's intent.

"So are you," she admitted, and they heard a soft knock on the door before it opened.

"Derek," he heard his wife's voice, "brought you a peace offering. Oh…Dr. Bailey, I'm sorry, I didn't know there was anyone else here."

"Why are you bringing peace offerings," Miranda put on her hard core act, "Shepherd you being stupid again?"

"I just told…" Derek started to say, and Miranda interrupted.

"That answers my question," she looked at him as if to say, are you crazy…why would you bring up that we've been talking about her, but it was too late.

"You were talking about me," Meredith said, as she walked to him and placed the coffee on his desk, "you're really mad at me?"

"My cue to leave," Bailey said. "Grey, don't be slacking off, you're on the board, scrubbing in with me this morning."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey."

"Shepherd, don't delay my resident," Miranda said as she walked out the door.

Meredith faced him, nervousness making her shift slightly from one foot to the other as she chewed her bottom lip. "You're really mad at me," she avoided his gaze, "you talked to her."

"Of course not," he said as he walked to her.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said softly, though he heard the slight catch in her voice, "we don't have to go…I've been selfish and didn't think about how you would feel…I'm sorry," she said again, and then a broken sigh escaped her as she felt the warmth of his embrace.

"Meredith," he said tenderly as he kissed her temple, "there's nothing to be sorry about."

"There is," she answered, "you're always thinking of me…my feelings…how I'll deal with things…and we talked about it, but still I didn't pay as much attention, and I should have realized how hard this would be for you too…and we… "

"I asked her," Derek said softly, "for advice…to make sure we were doing the right thing…making sure you would be ok. It's about you…that's all I worry about."

"That's what it's about for me too," she shifted slightly to meet his gaze, "I didn't think…and we don't have to go…if you want, we can still go through with your plans."

"We're leaving tonight," he smiled at her, "and if we don't show up…I'm afraid Jenna will forever disown me."

"Derek," she leaned in to him completely, her lips briefly on his, "she won't…and she'll understand, once she knows…"

"Meredith, you heard her, I've been there for all the other kids…I've met them all within hours of their birth, except for one…when I was at a conference…it was two days later."

"But," she caressed his face tenderly, "it's the first time, you go home…to see a new baby…when you expected to have your own," and the bittersweet smile and her sense of understanding made him love her more, even when he did not think that was possible.

"I love you," he smiled softly at her, "my concern is only for you."

"So is mine, so I can wait…we can wait to meet her."

"If you're ok," he told her and cupped her face in his hands, "we'll go…I'd like to meet her too…before she gets old," he teased lightly, mentioning what she'd said to him earlier.

"Making fun of me," she nipped his earlobe playfully.

"Never," he kissed her lips.

"Right," she mumbled in between tender kisses.

"I'm so proud of you," he told her, "I want you to know that…you've handled this…going home, much better than I have…I need to trust that you know what you can handle, that I don't have to hover or worry so much…"

She placed two fingers on his lips, and then her lips interrupting him, "the only reason I've handled this…the way I have…that I have been able to deal with all of this now…is because of you, worrying and hovering, letting me know every single moment that no matter what happens, not matter how I feel…you are always there for me…don't ever stop Derek…I'm only strong because of you…"

"You're strong because of you, Meredith…you have always been strong…"

"I have always survived," she met his gaze, and they shared yet another revelation, as souls bared their truth, "because I had no choice, now…the source of my strength comes from you…from our love for each other…our faith in each other…our commitment…not of fear or basic survival instincts, but because I know that you are there for me…that you will always be there for me…"

"Meredith," Derek whispered, his eyes filled with tears of emotion at the change in the woman he loved.

"Derek," she said, with equal emotion, "I need to be there for you…to also be your strength."

"You," he said, their gazes mesmerized reflections, "are…my everything."

"So are you," she kissed him softly, "don't ever forget it."

"Why were you here so early? We have a late night flight as it is…"

"I asked Alex to switch with me," Meredith told him, "he was more than happy to do it, and Izzie will cover a couple hours for me this afternoon too."

"Really, more than happy," Derek raised an eyebrow.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "so I told them I would start his shift at seven and that Izzie had to cover my last two hours, so I'll be leaving here at one."

"And they were happy to do this?" Derek questioned her.

"They were, when I told them their cooperation depended on how much I was willing to soothe your ruffled feathers next time they were a pain in the ass about us…being loud."

Derek roared with laughter before his lips captured hers, and they spent the next few minutes enjoying each other's loving attention.

"I still don't get why you changed your shift, our flight's at nine tonight."

"I'm meeting Colleen for lunch. Kelly's helping me to pick out some gifts for Meghan and Katie, and of course there are a few more things for the baby, and Colleen is an expert."

"Meredith," Derek said, "you had plenty of gifts for the shower…and you've also sent some after she was born…and…"

"Derek," Meredith told him, "I only sent two things when she was born and the rest I always planned to take when we went home for the baptism, and I can pay for it myself..."

"Oh no," he stopped her, "this is not about that…we are not having this argument again."

"Who is arguing," she said, "I'm going shopping, it's just a matter of which credit card I use."

"You better be using ours," he told her. "But that is still not the point, it's the fact that you are buying gifts for the girls too. Mer we can't do that, there are too many kids, and it's not about the money, it's about the fact that they can't expect that every time someone visits they get gifts."

"I'm not getting gifts for everyone Derek. Just for Meghan and Katie, it's not right to show up with all these gifts for the baby and they will be right there. I've been reading all about siblings and how to handle a new baby coming home so they won't be jealous…and…"

"That's what you've been reading about…" he said, surprised at the comment, "while keeping me up at night."

"Are you complaining…" she put her hands on her hips and glared at him. "I'm trying to learn and…"

"You've kept me up all night," he said and smiled, "reading about this…not just all the developmental stages of a baby at day 17…"

"You better not be mocking me Derek Shepherd," she said, a half smile on her lips.

"I adore you Meredith Grey," he shook his head and smiled at her, "absolutely and completely, except, my sisters are going to kill you…if you continue to spoil these kids, every time we go home."

"I told you," Meredith said and kissed him quickly, "just the girls…"

"One gift a piece," he said.

"Probably," she kissed him quickly before she started to walk out.

"Mer…"

"Trust me," she said.

"God help me," he mumbled, though he had a smile on his face; they would be fine, somehow he knew now, going home would be just fine.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said as they scrubbed in together, "thank you…for talking to Derek…he values your opinion and your friendship, and he tries to keep some things from me…thinks he's protecting me, and ends up bottling up his own feelings."

"I told him," Bailey looked at her, "I thought it would be good; it may be hard for you, but that it would be for you to meet your goddaughter."

"I think so," Meredith said simply.

"Meredith," Miranda turned to her, "I was wrong about the two of you…"

"What about us…"

"Way back…in this scrub room. There was a difference, a huge difference in the fact you met before knowing who you were…that he was your boss. I was very judgmental…and I still think it was wrong, to have to discuss it…to have it interfere with my day," she said in her usual tone, "but, there's no doubt that you belong together."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled. "I think you were right too…about our relationship, how it would affect everything in the hospital…but we were meant to be together…"

"Yes, you were," Miranda smiled. "Stupid man…hiding the truth about Addie…Grey…I hope you've made him pay for that…"

"I think," Meredith said, "we both agree, we'd go through it all over again, if it meant we'd still get what we have now."

"Huh…" Bailey said. "My kids are growing up…and don't you ever repeat I said that."

"Never," Meredith said, and they walked in the OR. Later that night, as they waited at the airport lounge, they'd share each other's conversations with Miranda Bailey.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly's voice was heard as soon as Meredith got out of the car, and walked toward the restaurant she'd agreed to meet Colleen, "you took forever," she said as soon as her mother let her go and she ran to Meredith.

"I took forever," Meredith laughed as she hugged her, "really…"

"Hi," she smiled at the little boy who was reaching out to her.

"Hi, Sean," Meredith bent down to greet him.

"Hi," he said again, "up."

"Can I?" she turned to Colleen.

"Of course," Colleen said, "at your own risk…he won't want to let go."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "my baby brother he missed you."

"He did," Meredith smiled indulgently.

"He did…cause he did not see you…when I gots to visit you…"

"Hi sweetie," Meredith hugged the little boy as soon as she lifted him from the stroller. "I missed you too," and he immediately snuggled up to her and put his thumb in his mouth.

"Mommy…look…Sean loves Dr. Mewedith lots and lots…cause he only do that with special people…"

"The danger," Colleen said quietly to Meredith, "is when she says the opposite…because he really is very picky with who he likes."

"Dr. Mewedith aren't you hungry …I very very hungry cause we was at," she paused as if in great thought, figuring out the next words, "speech thepy…" Meredith looked over at Colleen, "and then we had to go gets Sean at Nana's…but Mrs. Anne said I was doing all better," the little girl beamed at Meredith.

"Speech therapy," Colleen said.

"Why?" Meredith asked concerned.

"Just a follow up," Colleen smiled, and later when they had a chance without Kelly listening intently, she explained they had been concerned with her pronunciation, in particular losing the letter r, as in Meredith (Mewedith and supwise), but had been assured it was nothing to worry about and would resolve it self most of the time by the time they were six.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "it's not fair…you gets to hold Sean, but I don't gets to hold your hand," she pouted.

"Sweetie," she said, as the little boy lifted his head and looked at his sister, then snuggled into her again, "I can do both," and she indeed settled him firmly on her arm, and reached for Kelly's hand and they walked the short distance to the restaurant.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, after settling her in a booster seat, "we gets to eat cheeseburgers and fries." Sean however, refused the high chair, and played with Meredith's hair and kept up his own babbling monologue.

"Mama," Sean's interest peaked suddenly, as food was delivered to the table, "yum…"

"You want a fry," Colleen asked.

"Yes," he said smiling.

"You want to sit on your chair?" Colleen asked.

"No, no…no…"

"That answers that question," Meredith laughed.

"Let me take him," Colleen said, "I don't want him to get food all over you."

"Don't worry about it," Meredith said, "he's ok eating them…"

"Sean loves fwies…he gobbles them up, that's what Nana says, but he's got to eats the baby food Mommy gots him."

"Vegetables," Colleen commented, "home made puree, easy to carry and nutritious, while he can enjoy a bit of junk too."

"Yum…" Sean said again, repeatedly.

"I take it he wants more," Meredith reached for another fry.

"Yes, we'll try to sneak in some of this as well," Colleen said, as she fed her son bites of the home cooked meal. While to Meredith's amusement, Sean wanted a bite of Meredith's cheeseburger, which she let him have before she started eating herself. Then, he gave in to sitting in the high chair.

"Dr. Mewedith, grown up talk is too long…you said you wanted me to help pick a gift for a little girl…is she special?"

"Yes, they are special, and it's actually for three little girls…"

"You love them lots and lots," the little girl said, and Meredith could see the slight pout.

"I do love them very much, they are three sisters…do you want me to tell me about them?"

"No," Kelly said while pouting, she had her own ideas about sharing Meredith's time, and didn't seem to like it, and turned to her Mother. "Mommy can I gets ice cream?"

"Maybe later," Colleen said, "before we go home?"

"Ok Mommy," she said.

"Kelly," Meredith, "what do you think we should pick out for little girls that are three and six year's old?"

"You don't know what they like?" Kelly asked.

"Well," Meredith said softly, "I thought, since I was so lucky to have a very special little girl in my life," she ran her hand through her curls, "one I love very very much, that maybe she would be willing to help me pick something out."

"Is that me? I'm the special little girl?"

"Yes, sweetie, you are the most special little girl in my life, and I love you very much."

"Sewiously?"

"Seriously," Meredith smiled at her. "Where did you learn that word?"

"I hear Dr. Cwistina said it lots of times."

"Oh sweetie," Meredith kissed the top of her head, "you are precious."

"Does that mean, I'm more special…or you like the other little girls more."

"You know Kelly," Meredith told her, "when I met you…you were the very first little girl that was special in my life, and you will always have a very special and important place in my life…and in my heart…and in Dr. Shep's too…even when there's other little girls we care about."

"Are you getting birthday gifts?"

"One of them," Meredith spoke to her tenderly, "is just a little baby, and we are going to go meet her for the first time, and I wanted to bring a gift for her sisters too…"

"Do you know them a long time?"

"Dr. Shep does, because they are his sister's little girls, but I just met them a few months ago, when we went to visit them."

"After you knew me?"

"After I knew you."

"Dr. Mewedith," the little girl paused for a bit, "is Bwianna their angel friend too?"

"Brianna, is your special Angel friend, your only and I know she loves you very much."

"But, she's your Angel too," Kelly stated without doubts.

"Yes, she is," Meredith said, and hugged her, "and I know she will always be your very special friend."

"Cause she told me."

"Yes, because she told you."

"Dr. Mewedith…I want you to be my special friend for always too…"

"I will me. For as long as you want."

"Can we go now? I want to help pick gifts."

"Kelly," Colleen said, "I'm going to go change Sean, and we'll go when I get back."

"Ok, Mommy."

"Kelly," Meredith asked, "what to you think would be a nice gift for a little girl that is just a little younger than you, she's three year's old," and the little girl began to tell her all the possibilities.

"Can I be their friend? Do they come visit you?"

"I'm sure you can be their friend, and when they come to visit Seattle, you can meet each other."

"When do they visit?"

"I'm not sure, because their Mommy and Daddy are also doctors and they are very busy."

"You said their Mommy was Dr. Shep's sister…"

"She is."

"And she's a girl doctor like you?"

"She is…and you know what, he has four sisters and they are all doctors."

"Sewiously…" she said again, and used it so perfectly in context Meredith wanted to laugh, "but they're not the best bwain doctors, only Dr. Shep is."

"That's right," Meredith smiled, as she thought of the relationship between this precious child and Derek. They were on their way a few minutes later, and Meredith spent a delightful afternoon picking out presents and learning about what typical little girls liked.

Meredith smiled as she looked at the children, and how heart warming it was to see the loving and secure relationship between siblings, and mother and daughter. This, Meredith thought, and smiled at the number of times she'd caught herself feeling this way during the afternoon, is what I want for us…for Derek and me, this type of loving family, and somehow, she already knew they would have exactly that, but also that these two children would always be an incredibly important part of their lives.

"Meredith," Derek protested, "we're going to be gone two days…and you know they're not going to let us go anywhere, we don't need more than one overnight bag."

"Derek," Meredith glared at him, "stop complaining."

"I'm not complaining. I'm making a statement."

"Same thing," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Just take the bags down, I'll take the others."

"Others," Derek turned his face quickly to face her, "there's others?"

"We can each take two bags. Yes, there's others."

"Mer," he said, "what have you done?"

"Kelly told me what she liked, and she was with me…and it was hard not to buy what she said, it would have hurt her feelings."

"Mer," Derek said, "you could have explained it was one gift…for each of the girls."

"I did…but Derek, she wanted to make sure her new friends liked what she suggested…because she picked it special…Derek, I couldn't resist her smile."

"Meredith…"

"Derek…" she walked up to him, "don't be angry…" she wrapped her arms around him.

"I'm not angry," he said. "It's just ridiculous, we were just home…what did you buy?"

"Most of it is for the baby," she said, her eyes displaying just a hint of tears, "Derek, she's my first godchild…and they had so many things…"

"Hey," he lifted her chin, "I'm not mad…I don't care what you spend. But, my sisters are going to kill you."

"Thanks a lot," she sniffled.

"They told you, when we were home…that they didn't want us making a habit of it."

"But, it's only for Meghan and Katie…so there's no sibling rivalry."

"You believe that," he shook his head and laughed.

"Yes, I read about it…" she said, "why are you laughing?"

"Mer," he laughed again, "those two little ones can't keep secrets, they are blabbermouths…they will tell their cousins…and then…"

"Oh shit, crap…I mean…crap…I have to practice before we get there…no cursing…but you're right, they'll tell…and oh God Derek, we have to get them something, the rest of the kids…event if it's at the airport."

"Oh …no…that is not the solution…"

"But, Derek, think about how the others are going to feel Emma and Rebecca especially…we can't just show up now and…" he silenced her with a kiss.

"Yes, we can. If we have to, we'll explain it to them."

"You're not a very understanding uncle," Meredith pouted.

"We were just home with gifts, and Christmas is right around the corner."

"Fine…"

"Fine," he joked, "like but…gets me in trouble."

"You're right," she conceded reluctantly, "I know you are."

"Mer, are you serious about extra bags?"

"Kind of."

"Which means what, exactly?"

"I won't make you carry the doll."

"What doll," he said, and Meredith showed him a beautiful doll with black pig tails.

"Mer," he said, careful of the words he chose, "you're making it harder…the bears…"

"Isn't she adorable?" Meredith asked, this time, choosing to ignore his question, because she knew it would be easier. "It's for the baby."

"She's bigger than the baby," he teased lightly, accepting that she was avoiding his question.

"It's her first doll, and it's special that it's from us."

"How do you know she doesn't already have one?"

"Are you trying to ruin my enthusiasm here?"

"No, I'm just trying to make sure you're not disappointed if she already has one."

"She does not," Meredith told him, "I called Mom," she grinned at him with a mischief in her eyes. "I spoke to Meggie…and asked her what she thought her baby sister would like as a special toy, and she gave me a long list, including the fact she did not have her very own doll cause she was too little, even though Daddy says she's a little piglet."

"She's really stuck on repeating the little piglet story," Derek laughed.

"And that her Mommy walked like the penguins at the zoo…" Meredith giggled, and wrapped her arms around his waist hugging him tightly. "I love you Derek, and I'm not even sure what came over me…but being at the toy store with Kelly and Sean…it just made me all sentimental…and had me thinking of us…and what our family could be like…and for just a little bit…I let myself enjoy it all…without being sad about what could have been for us…and I just want to enjoy the baby…this little piglet," she smiled, "that's already almost ten pounds…and liked to hear my voice…or my tone…even before I knew I was going to be her godmother, something made me love her…already."

"I keep doing it…don't I…" he mumbled, as he nuzzled her neck.

"What…"

"Letting you down…"

"Derek Christopher Shepherd," she scolded immediately, "you had better stop that…right now…because…that is not true…and if we're going to start laying out blame, you could say I failed you too because you had plans for us for these three days, and I insisted…"

"Ok," he said, "you're right," he kissed her.

"You mean that…" she was skeptical, "no more brooding...no more…"

"We're going to enjoy our godchild…and spoil her rotten…"

"And her sisters," Meredith giggled, "and the cousins…and Kelly…"

"What did you do today…Meredith…what else did you buy for Kelly?"

"Nothing," she said, and he saw the glimmer of tears, "but Derek…she's…she warms my heart…she does…"

"What did Kelly say," he soothed her hair back, "today?"

"We were done pretty quickly, after having lunch, and I picked out her two favorite gifts…and then I bought some matching outfits for the three girls, I know…it's corny…but they were so cute…"

"Mer," he said, "we have to leave, pretty soon."

"I told her, she'd been a wonderful help in picking something special for my nieces, and I wanted to get something for her," Meredith's eyes held sentimental tears, "and Derek, she just hugged me…and said…I don't need a special gift…cause I got to spend the day with you…and I gets…she says gets…to spend lots and lots of times with you…cause you live here…Derek…how can I not want to spoil her too…"

"I think," Derek kissed her softly, "you have your very first unofficial goddaughter right here in Seattle…"

"She's…" Meredith held her lips together, tears threatening to spill unashamedly, "our baby is her little angel…how much more sentimental and special can it get…"

"Oh Meredith," he kissed her tears away, "it's special…all of it, because of you…because you recognized our baby…our angel…was hers from the very beginning…"

"It was my dream Derek, remember…right after…and then…when we went to the hospital to meet Kelly, that morning…Derek…my dream about Brianna…"

"We're very lucky you know," he held her tighter, "not everyone gets to meet and hear their baby angel's voice."

"I know," she said, and she brought her fingers to his eyes and dabbed away his own tears, "we'll have her with us forever…" and then brought his hand to rest on the heart necklace she wore, "beyond a lifetime."

"We will," he said, as they kissed tenderly one more time, before they made their way to the airport, and shortly after take off Meredith succumbed to sleep. Derek, however, was up during most of the five hour plus journey, making sure his wife did not keep the entire first class section awake.

"Derek, Meredith," Carolyn Shepherd swung the front door open, "it is so good to see you," and walked quickly to hug them both.

"Ma…" Derek hugged her back, "it's good to be home again."

"I've told your sisters they are not to call here, under any circumstances, so the two of you can get some sleep. Especially Jenna, I told her you'd call when you wake up."

"Mom," Meredith said, as she felt the warmth of her embrace. "I'm not sleepy…but I'm starving."

"Of course sweetheart," Carolyn smiled, "you actually look rested, how did you manage to sleep, I never can settle in comfortably."

"Mom," Derek grumbled, "she was asleep almost before we took off…"

"What about you dear, you don't look like you've had any sleep."

"I haven't. Mer kept me up last night too…"

"Derek, sweetheart," Carolyn joked, "for someone who doesn't want to talk about sex…I'm not sure telling your mother about your wife keeping you up is…"

"Ma….that's not what I meant."

"He means that I kept him up on the phone with Jenna, and then on the laptop, and he can't sleep with the glare of the screen…so I told him…I'd make it up to him…and let him sleep here all he wants."

"What in the world are you doing talking to Jenna in the middle of the night, and working. Meredith you need your rest too."

"Mom," Derek told her, "she's on the phone with her almost every night…if the baby is awake at three…she's on the phone to Mer…and she has convinced Meredith that when she talks to the baby she helps get the baby to sleep."

"Well, dear, I have to say, that is true…I've seen the little one's reaction to Meredith's voice, even on the phone."

"Really…" Meredith's eyes sparkled, "Mom…she's not kidding?"

"She's not kidding," Carolyn Shepherd smiled.

"Derek," Meredith reached for his hand and squeezed gently, "she's not kidding…"

"I guess not," he smiled at her, "I'll just have to wear ear plus all the time…"

"Jerk," Meredith smacked him playfully.

"You still need to talk to Jenna," Carolyn rationalized, "she can't be calling you in the middle of the night."

"Mom," Meredith said, "she doesn't just call, she'll text and if I'm up, I'll call her."

"Either way, you need your rest, both of you do. And you can study in the morning."

"That's not why she's on the laptop," Derek said, "ask her why."

"Mom," Meredith said, "he's just getting old," she joked, "can't keep up…"

"Am I," Derek raised an eyebrow suggestively, "haven't heard you complain before."

"I meant about your beauty sleep," Meredith leaned in to kiss him, "and don't be disrespectful Derek…your mother is listening," she teased him, and all three laughed.

"Mom, since we decided to fly in, she's spent every spare moment reading about baby's developmental stages…searching every site known to men for day seventeen to twenty…while she's here…"

"Oh, sweetheart, you only needed to ask us…we're experts…forget the websites."

"I didn't want to waste time," Meredith said, "once we got here…"

"You're not going to be allowed to, believe me," Carolyn said, "Meghan and Katie are waiting for you impatiently, and Emma and Rebecca have been whining about how unfair it is that you get to sleep there…and they get to see you and cuddle with you in the morning, and Kathleen and Nancy were ready to dump them here lat night just to shut them up."

"Told you," Derek said.

"Ass," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Did I miss something?"

"Only that Mer thought Meghan and Katie wouldn't…"

"That's not what I said, in fact…Mom…what do you think," she said and proceeded to tell Carolyn her version of Derek's unreasonable reaction to buying gifts for the others.

"I think," Derek said, "I'm going to jump in the shower, I'll join you in a few minutes and get something to eat, I know I'm not going to win this no matter what."

"I can be objective," his mother said.

"Right," Derek chuckled, and his heart felt the warmth of his mother's love for his wife, the woman he loved above all else, and rejoiced that she finally knew a mother's unconditional love and affection.

"Derek," Meredith said, "can I tell Jenna we'll be there at noon?"

"Yes," he said, and leaned down to kiss her, "I'm good with three hours sleep."

"Thank you," Meredith kissed him back.

"But, I expect you to join me; you need some rest too, not just being curled up in a seat."

"Ok," she agreed, and while he went upstairs spent time very briefly catching up with his mother, actually helping her get breakfast ready. "Carolyn," she said, "I'm going to take a shower too…I hate to feel the grime of the plane, even if it is first class…which your son insisted upon, even though I told him it was perfectly fine to get …"

"Go join him," Carolyn laughed, "and…I much prefer Mom…"

"Oh," Meredith said, "it's…I'm getting better," she said.

"Yes," Carolyn hugged her, "you are. Go…"

"You've showered," Meredith said, disappointed her husband was already wearing a pair of sweats, his hair still damp. "I was going to join you."

"I can be persuaded," he said, "to join you…"

"No," she said.

"No," he repeated with a hint of teasing, "you're turning me down…not even a maybe…"

She'd stripped off her clothes, "no…not now…I'll just take a quick shower…since your Mom's waiting with breakfast, and then…we can really enjoy…our rest…when she's not you know…we don't make it so obvious…"

"I'll see you in a few minutes," he kissed her, "and we'll have to make it a quick breakfast."

"Yes," she smiled and not too long after that, joined them for breakfast.

"Mom," Meredith asked, "did you make your chocolate cake?"

"I did…would you like some?"

"Now?" Meredith asked.

"Mer," Derek laughed, "you're as bad as the kids."

"Just because you don't like dessert," she said.

"I like dessert," he whispered when his mother walked over to slice the cake, "just fine…in fact…I'm waiting for dessert…now…as soon as we…"

"Mom," Meredith said, "maybe I'll wait…have some before we leave for Jenna's."

"It's no problem dear, don't listen to him."

"No, it's ok…I'll wait," she said smiling at her husband.

"I'll let Jenna know you'll be over close to one this afternoon," Carolyn said, "that way you can have at least three hours of sleep."

"It's barely eight," Meredith said.

"I know dear," Carolyn smirked, "I'll tell her you'll be there at that time," and Meredith felt herself blushing, while Derek just smiled.

"She was right," Meredith laughed, as she lay in her husband's arms, long after their early morning lovemaking, listening to the beat of his heart, "we won't be there before one."

"I missed you Mer," Derek kissed her, as his hands traveled and caressed her entire body, "two nights without you…"

"Derek," she smiled, and shifted her body to lay on top of him, "want to go again," and their laughter echoed through the room, just as his mother was walking to hers, and Carolyn delighted in the sound of their happiness; though she quickly retraced the steps back to the first floor of her home, leaving a note for them.

"I'll see you at Jenna's. I'm going to take the girls to the park for a while."

"Derek," Meredith said as she finished getting dressed, "do you have everything we need to take to Jenna's?"

"If you mean a suitcase filled with gifts; our things to stay overnight, and a bulky bag with God knows what in it…yes…I think I do."

"Don't tease me," she said suddenly, and just stood in the middle of the room, "not now."

"Hey," he walked up to her, immediately sensing something was wrong, "Meredith, what's going on?"

"I'm nervous," she said, and took a few deep breaths, "Derek…I don't know…I'm not sure I can do this…I don't know what possessed me…Derek…the baby…you were right…I'm not ready…not so soon…"

"You're ready," he held and soothed her, "and I'm going to be there…we're both ready…to meet our goddaughter…"

"You mean that…you think…I'm ready…what if she knows I'm nervous…and she doesn't like me…and she cries…and…"

"She is not going know you're nervous, and she already loves you."

"Derek," Meredith said, "she's a baby…she doesn't …"

"She's loved your voice, your tone from the beginning…you'll see…it will be fine."

"I'm sorry," she said, hanging on to him.

"Whatever for…" he said softly.

"That minor …"

"Moment of doubt," he said tenderly, "we can have those."

"I love you, Derek. I love you so much."

"I love you too Meredith," he said and brushed her lips softly with his.

"Ok," she said, "I'm ready."

"Ok," he smiled at her, and reached for her hand, "let's go."

"Let's go," she said, and he felt the gentle squeeze of her hand in his.

"Wait," she said suddenly and let go of his hand, "the doll…"

"You can always take it later, if we left it behind."

"Derek, how can you say that…it's her first doll, and I want her to have it when we first meet her."

"She's not going to know," he pointed out logically.

"You're an idiot," she said.

"Yes, dear," he said.

"Ass."

"That's more like it," he teased her.

"Just because I love you, doesn't mean you get to tease me all the time."

"No," he smiled at her, the one that made her forget all but him.

"Don't do that," she smiled back at him.

"What, agree with you?"

"The McDreamy smile…the tilt of the head…you know I can't resist you."

"Are you suggesting… Dr. Grey," he said, "that you want to stay and…"

"Later," she kissed his lips quickly, "I'll make it up to you…"

They reached Maggie's home, a beautiful two story home with a wraparound porch that Meredith loved instantly. "It's lovely," she said, and sat quietly, without making an attempt to release her seatbelt.

"Mer," Derek reached for her hand, "you ok?"

"Yes," she said. "Are you?"

"I'm ok…if you are…"

"Me too," she said, and brought his hand to her lips, and then, they walked up to the front door, and before they could knock a small whirlwind was rushing to them and hugging their legs.

"You got here," Meghan said excitedly, "it was lots and lots of time since Granma was here," and Derek lifted her and hugged her.

"Meggie," he said, "you're so much bigger since we saw you…"

"I grow Uncle D…and me is tall like Princess Bella," she said proudly, "all the way to her nose…and Katie…she be as tall as princess Aurora and Emma and Rebecca have to grow lots and lots so they be as tall as Cinderella…you gotta come to my room and see."

"I will," he said, having absolutely no clue what she was talking about, and the little girl wiggled out of his arms and reached for Meredith.

"Aunty M, I missed you …I like talking on the phone…but I like this better…"

"So do I Meghan," Meredith hugged her, "so do I."

"Are you two going to stand in the doorway all day?" Carolyn asked, and just at the moment they crossed the threshold, Jenna was descending the stairs.

"You're here, finally," she said, and skipped the last two steps to hug her brother, "Derek…I've missed you…and you're here…" he heard the sniffles.

"Jeni," he hugged her closer, "you're not going to cry all over me…"

"I am," she said, "and I can still blame hormones…"

"Oh my God, Jenna, you look fabulous," Meredith exclaimed, "you can't even tell that you were pregnant…and twenty weeks late," she teased.

"Mer," she turned from his brother's embrace to her sister in law, and hugged both her and her daughter, "I'm so glad…you're here," the sniffles got more pronounced, "you have no idea…how much it means to me."

"Ok," Meredith said, "you can't tease me…if I turn into a water faucet too…"

"I won't," Jenna smiled, "let me get the baby ready…"

"Ready," Derek said, "what is there to get ready…just take us up to meet her."

"No," Jenna said, "I've got to make sure she's dry and clean…and…you took three weeks to get here…you can wait five minutes."

"Seventeen days," Meredith told her, "not three weeks…"

"Minor detail," Jenna said.

"That's not what you said," Derek laughed, "when you told us you were twenty weeks late…just five days after…"

"Don't mess with a pregnant woman," Jenna turned to Derek, "just one day late feels like it's week's on end…"

"Jenna Patricia," Derek said, "go get our goddaughter or…"

"I'll be right back," she said and went back upstairs and brought the sleeping baby wrapped in the finely knit pink blanket Carolyn was knitting during their visit, and then joined them in the family room, where Carolyn had taken the precaution to sit Meghan on her lap so she would not feel the baby was displacing her time with Meredith and Derek.

"Meredith, Derek," Jenna said softly and kissed the baby's forehead, "this little one's been waiting to meet you," she smiled lovingly at her daughter who was just beginning to stretch, "haven't you Kerry…" Jenna cooed to her daughter.

Derek heard Meredith's soft gasp, "do I hold her first," he asked her.

"If you want," Meredith said as she gazed at the baby, "you can hold her," and the baby turned her head toward the sound of the voices, "you should hold her first."

"Hello little one," Derek said, as Jenna placed her in his arms first, "you're just as beautiful as your Mommy and everyone says you are," he kissed the baby's forehead, "and we couldn't wait to meet you. I bet," he spoke softly, "you're ready to meet your godmother, and I know she's been waiting to meet you since the day you were born."

"Hello Kerry," Meredith said quietly, "your Uncle Derek is right," she touched the baby's head, "you are beautiful," and the baby opened her eyes, and tried to follow the voice, "and I am so happy to finally see you," she said, and only he and Carolyn understood the deep emotions her voice reflected, and bent down to kiss her forehead, "your Mommy was right, the name suits your perfectly…" the little girl turned her head toward Meredith's voice again.

"Mer," Jenna said softly, "she does recognize your voice…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, "it's impossible," just as the baby moved her head toward her voice again.

"I don't think so," Derek said, and met his wife's gaze, "Kerry, this is your godmother Meredith, and I know she can't wait to hold you and tell you how very special you are," he never broke their gaze, reassuring her, offering his support as he gently placed the baby in her arms.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, as the tears gathered in her eyes, "she's perfect."

"She is," he said, as they held the baby between them, "and she's smart too," he said tenderly, "already knows her godmother," he led her to the couch so she could sit down, and the baby snuggled instinctively toward her.

"Derek," Meredith whispered again, their faces ever so close, "can you imagine…"and raised her eyes to his, her words for his ears only, "one day...our own tiny miracle…"

"I can," he said, and leaned forward to kiss her, "our own tiny miracles…" he added to make it plural, to include the three children of her dreams.

The baby protested, whimpering just a little, before she opened her mouth, and Carolyn who was watching longed to hug her daughter in law, as she saw the momentary sadness in her eyes when the baby turned her small mouth toward her breast.

"Little one," Meredith turned her face softly away from her, touching her face tenderly. "I won't be of much help there," she began to speak, and the baby tried to follow her voice, focusing on Meredith's face, "but, I bet your Mommy could…or maybe you just need a pacifier," she said, as she remembered all she'd read about the last couple of days, "what do you say," and she took the baby's small hand, in hers and suddenly the baby's little hand was wrapped around her finger, and Meredith smiled in delight. "Oh Derek, look," she said, and he smiled at her, "they really do this…it's so amazing."

"It is," he said, "quite amazing."

"Jenna," Meredith said quietly, without turning away from the baby's face, "can I unwrap her…is it ok…so we can see her…all of her…you know…count her toes and all…"

"I wish you would," Jenna smiled, "I think you'll like her outfit," she looked over at her mother, who had a serious look on her face, and Meghan wiggled out of her lap and walked to the couch to stand by Meredith.

"Aunty M…you gonna love her outfit…it's pink…and Mommy said it was special…just for you," she chatted happily.

Meredith carefully unwrapped the baby's blanket and when she saw the baby's pink onesie, the overwhelming emotions could not prevent the tears. "Derek," was all she could say as she saw the identical design of a baby bear angel she had brought on her last visit. But, this time, it said,_ I love my godmother_.


	212. Chapter 212

_A/N 27Mar – Thanks so much for the many comments on the first part of this chapter._

_The next month will be brutally busy for me, and will do my best to continue updating weekly, as well as making sure the story continues to unfold as I envisioned and hoping it meets your expectations. I've mentioned how there are certain scenes that I know have to be written; the last scene with the I love my godmother onesie was one of them. This part two…had several like that and all involved the kids, and then as I got to the end, there was one I did not anticipate in this chapter…it was meant to happen later after the baptism, but suddenly and unexpectedly it fit. Hope you like the way this has unfolded._

_**Ch 197 – Tiny miracles – Part 2**_

Meredith carefully unwrapped the baby's blanket and when she saw the baby's pink onesie, the overwhelming emotions could not prevent the tears. "Derek," was all she could say as she saw the identical design of a baby bear angel she had brought on her last visit. But, this time, it said, _I love my godmother._

"Meredith," Jenna said, as she saw Meredith's eyes welled up with tears, "I thought you'd like it… but you're crying…I'm sorry…I should have put the other one on her, the one you brought for her, but it was too big for her still…and I got this the minute she was born…and I knew her weight…so she could wear it when you first met her…but I didn't think it would upset you."

"Jenna," Meredith looked up at her sister in law, "I love that she's wearing it…it's just…she's my first godchild…and it's emotional and sentimental…and I was afraid she was not going to like me…I've never been around babies…this is the first time…and it's amazing…"

Jenna sighed in relief and went to sit on the other side of Meredith, the reflection of tears in her own eyes, "thank God," she said, and hugged her, "I thought you were upset."

"No," Meredith said, "I'm not…I just…you have no idea how special this is…that you trusted me," she said, trying to divert any attention from the real emotions, "even when you hardly knew me…to be her godmother…"

"Derek loves you," Jenna told her, "and Kathleen and Mom…they told me how special you were…and by talking with you, I also knew…and the minute we met, there were no doubts you'd be her godmother."

"Thank you," Meredith met her gaze, "for letting me be part of her life…you have no idea how much it means to me…how much it means to us…" she said, as both she and Jenna lived up to the apt description of water faucets.

"Aunty M," Meghan said, "don't you think my baby sister is beautiful…I told you…when we talk on the phone…"

"You did," Meredith said, as she examined every inch of the baby in her arms, taking off her socks and looking at her tiny feet, exchanging glances with Derek, "and she is."

"She's a good baby," Meghan told her, "right Granma…"

"She is a very good baby," Carolyn said, "who may be getting fussy pretty soon."

"Mer," Jenna said, "Mom's right, she's about to suck her thumb and not a lot of patience to get fed after that. Do you want to feed her?"

"I thought you were breast feeding." Meredith said.

"I am, but after the first week, started with one or two bottles a day so Rob can feed her, or one of her many aunts that stop by."

"Mommy," Meghan said, as she rested her elbows on her mother's legs, "I gets to feed her too."

"Yes, you have helped me feed her too," Jenna said, as she lifted the little girl on her lap, and hugged her, "you've been a great help to Mommy."

"Aunty M," Meghan continued, "Mommy has to use this machine…so she can put milk in the bottle so my baby sister can eat…"

"Derek," Jenna teased as she noticed her brother's coloring, "you've got to be kidding, you're blushing, Mer what have you done to him?"

"Jenna Patricia," Carolyn said, "stop teasing your brother, you know he's not comfortable about some things…"

"Ma," Jenna said, "he grew up around four women…he's not an idiot."

"Oh oh…Granma…Mommy said a bad word…"

"Yes, sweetie, she did," Carolyn agreed with her.

"Meggie," Jenna kissed her daughter's cheek, "will you go and ask Mrs. Jane to give you a bottle for Kerry and bring it to me?"

"Cause I a big girl…and I help you with my baby sister?"

"Yes, sweetie…" Jenna said as her daughter ran off toward the kitchen.

"Who is Mrs. Jane?" Meredith asked.

"Jane Wilson, our housekeeper," Jenna told her, "she's been with us since right before Katie was born. Rob insisted we needed help, and you know what…we did. Mer, when you guys have kids, make sure you don't try to do it all yourself. It's bad enough with our busy schedules, so you need to make it easier, and when you're home…you don't have anything else but them to worry about…quality time."

"That's good advice," Meredith winked at her, "I'll just have to worry about the kids, not the husband."

"Husband," Jenna joked, "that becomes completely secondary," and both women laughed.

"Secondary," Derek said, and reached to take the baby from Meredith's arms, "we'll have to have a talk with your Dad about that, won't we Kerry?"

"What," Meredith said, "are you doing?"

"I want to hold her, and I can feed her, I know how. Ask Mom, I've fed lots of …"

"You can burp her," Meredith said, and snuggled the baby closer to her, and both Derek and Carolyn exchanged tender smiles. Everything was going to be just fine.

"That doesn't seem fair," he told Meredith, "I'm the godfather you know…"

"You really want to hold her," she met his gaze softly, "I can share her…"

"I'm teasing you," he put his arm around her and she settled against him, "you can feed her…and hold her as long as you want," he said, and knew without any doubts, that each moment the baby was in his wife's arms was helping her heart to heal.

The next couple hours seemed to fly as they both took turns holding, feeding and burping the baby, though they allowed Jenna and Carolyn to change her. Carolyn joked that she had to agree with Rob's comment about the little piglet, as Kerry was making her on demand request less than two hours after Meredith had fed her a bottle.

"You are going to be one very spoiled baby," Meredith cooed to her goddaughter, "aren't you," when she took her back after Jenna breastfed her.

"I wonder why," Derek chuckled.

"Sweetie, that's your godfather, and he is going to try to blame me…but we know…he's going to be just as bad."

"Uncle D," Meghan climbed on his lap, "you gets to be my baby sister's grandfather and Aunt M is the grandmother…"

"Meghan," he explained patiently, "Granma and your Nana Maeve are grandparents; your Aunt Meredith and I are her godparents."

"Cause you went away to Seattle…right Uncle D…that's where you live and there's lots of water and you gets to ride a big big boat with cars in them…and you gots to meet God?"

"Mom," Derek looked over to his mother.

"Meghan, sweetie, do you remember what Granma told you about the baby having a godmother and a godfather…and how they always help to take care of the baby…"

"Uh huh…cause they take the baby to church and throw water over her head and the baby cries and cries like my baby cousin."

Meredith, Derek and Jenna exchanged glances and looked away to keep from laughing, as Carolyn talked to her granddaughter about godparents, and shortly thereafter, the housekeeper would bring Katie home from school and ballet lessons.

"Granma," Meghan wanted her grandmother's attention, "can we go back to the park and take my baby sister?"

"Meghan," Carolyn said, "we already went to the park this morning."

"But Granma," the little girl stood by Carolyn, "we was only there like five minutes cause of my baby sister is not supposed to be out in the sun…"

"Meghan," Carolyn said, "we were there much longer than five minutes…and we stayed after Jane brought Kerry home."

"I forgots," the little girl said, "Granma, will you go outside with me… to the swings?"

"Yes," Carolyn said with an indulgent smile. "We can do that."

"I love you Granma," the little girl hugged her, "even if you don't take me to the park."

Meredith and Derek smiled at each other and she placed the baby in his arms, "she has her wrapped around her little finger," Meredith whispered to him as she let the baby wrap her tiny hand around her own finger, "I hope…one day our kids will have that…"

"The doting…indulgent grandmother," he said, fully comprehending her feelings, "that will ignore us completely …in favor of spoiling them rotten."

"Yes…" Meredith said and then she leaned in and kissed the baby's cheek, and whispered words that broke his heart, "everything I didn't have."

"Uncle Derek," Katie rushed in the house and ran to her uncle, "we missed you so much…and you got to meet my baby sister…" she hugged him, and turned to Meredith who was holding her sister, "Aunt Merdith, Mommy says she looks like a doll, isn't that funny…I think she's beautiful."

"She is Katie," Meredith smiled as the little girl kissed the top of her sister's head, "but you want to know something?"

"What?" Katie asked as her eyes grew wide with anticipation.

"She has two beautiful older sisters too."

"That's what my Daddy says," Katie told her, "and my Mommy…cause they love us all the same."

"That's right," Meredith told her, "they do."

"Aunt Merdith, I have to go wash my hands and clean up so I can hold Kerry…cause there's all sorts of germs in school and ballet classes," she said, "I'll be back," she said and ran up the stairs, and not long after they were all sitting in Jenna's kitchen enjoying a very late lunch for Meredith and Derek and snack for the girls. Kerry lay sleeping peacefully in the nursery.

"Uncle Derek," Katie said after she was back downstairs, her sister Meghan in tow, "is it true…you and Aunt Merdith are gonna be here lots and lots of days?"

"Katie," Derek said, "we're only here for a couple of days, and we're going to spend the night here tonight, and then stay at Granma's tomorrow."

"See Meggie," the older sister said, "told you."

"Uncle D," Meghan said, "but you gots a suitcase and a big box and Aunty M had a big big shopping bag."

"You did?" Jenna laughed, "Meredith, you packed all that for two days?"

"We brought gifts," Meredith said, as she sipped her coffee. "For the girls."

"You brought presents," Katie said, full of excitement, "we get presents again?"

"Told you," Derek mumbled, "shouldn't have."

"You do," Meredith ignored him, "both you and Meghan…and then, we bought presents for your baby sister, and she gets quite a few presents, just like you do for birthdays."

"Cause of the day she got born was her birthday," Meghan said, "right Granma?"

"That's right Meggie," Carolyn smiled at her until very recently, youngest grandchild.

"Aunty M," Meghan said, "do we gets to open the gifts now…"

"I think," Meredith smiled, "we can do that…maybe we can get Uncle Derek to bring them to us."

"Uncle Derek," Katie said, "can you get them please…"

"Yes, we can," Derek told them.

"Can we go with you…Uncle D…we help get them," Meghan was literally bouncing off the chair, and Derek picked her up and walked with them to the first floor guest room where he'd placed their things.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I wanted to make sure they didn't feel left out…you know, and create sibling rivalry and all…I read about it and all the advice said it would be wise to bring older siblings presents too…"

"Meredith," Carolyn said, and placed her hand over her daughter in law's, "my granddaughters are very lucky to have you as an aunt and godmother."

"Mom," she met her gaze, "I'm the one who's lucky…to have a family…now."

"Ok," Jenna sniffled, "stop it…you are going to get me going…"

"But, I do feel that way," Meredith told her, "about your family."

"Mer," Jenna sniffled again, "it's our family…you're part of our family."

"Aunt Merdith," Katie came running in the kitchen. "Uncle Derek said that he needs you, cause he has no idea what he's supposed to bring."

"Tell him I'll be right there," Meredith said and the little girl raced out of the kitchen.

"How hard can it be Mer," Jenna laughed.

"Brainless," Meredith rolled her eyes, "you girls had it right years before me. He just has no common sense when it comes to certain things. Jenna, I'm giving them their things, but I don't want them to see all I got for the baby…so they don't feel…"

"All you got for the baby," Carolyn said. "Sweetheart, you left so many gift for the shower when you were here."

"Mom," Meredith smiled at her, "she's my first goddaughter…and the first niece I get to spoil…and there were such adorable…"

"Aunty M," Meghan came in the kitchen, and pulled on Meredith's hand, "we're waiting and waiting…"

Kerry's whimpers were heard over the monitor, "I'm going to get her," Carolyn said.

"Mom," Jenna said, "you're as bad as the girls," she said referring to her sisters, "she can whimper a bit, she'll settle back down again."

"That's," Meredith said, "well…just mean."

"It is not," Jenna laughed, "believe me…she's perfectly fine."

"Aunty M," Meghan pulled on her, "come on…please…"

The girls loved their presents. Katie was enthralled with a big box that combined a playhouse and paper doll set of ballerina's, and told her aunt and uncle all about her upcoming dance recital in the Nutcracker where she didn't get to wear her ballerina tutu, but would get to dance as a mouse, and Jenna explained later it would likely be less than two minutes on stage, a bit longer than a ballet company's performance, as this was specifically orchestrated so the children taking ballet lessons could participate.

"You can well imagine," Carolyn told her, "half the audience is made up of relatives, and in our case, we have plenty of them to fill those seats, especially since Emma and Rebecca and some of Rob's nieces are also participating."

"Granma," Meghan had cried out with excitement, "I gets to cook…just like you…cause you're the bestest cook …even bestest than Mrs. Jane," as she unpacked her gift, a set for a young chef, complete with wooden cook top, apron, frying pan, pot with lid and salt and pepper shakers.

They also loved the set of matching outfits for all three sisters, which they wanted to wear immediately, but Jenna told them it would have to wait for later, when Kerry was just a few weeks older, and the girls, given all the attention focused on their role as big sisters were surprisingly mature in their understanding and accepting of Jenna's explanation.

The evening plans had been decided almost immediately upon learning of their visit, and the sisters began to arrive late in the afternoon; husbands relegated to kid duty for this one night; the family would all come together the following day.

The housekeeper took the older girls upstairs for their baths while Carolyn volunteered to help, and Jenna took the time to show Meredith around the house, and when they heard Kerry's soft cries, Meredith was determined to get her. "Come on," Jenna said, "mother hen…you're worse than I am," and both she and Derek followed her to the nursery.

"Jenna," Meredith said when she walked in, "it's beautiful…it's perfect…"

"I decided to let the girls pick what they wanted," she referred to the extremely girly décor, a combination of their favorite themes, "make them feel they were part of it all."

"Derek," Meredith said, "will you get the rest of the things? Bring them up?"

"You mean the suitcase and shopping bag and…" his wife ignored him.

"She's asleep," Meredith said as she stood by the crib.

"I told you," Jenna smiled, "she fusses a little and goes back to sleep. Until she's hungry, and then, if you haven't fed her, she'll scream bloody murder."

"She does not," Meredith said as she looked at the baby. "You've already said she's a good baby."

"Doesn't mean she doesn't have her moments of temper," Jenna told her. "Mer, you said more things? What have you done?"

"I thought it would be better if I the girls didn't see everything," Meredith said, and as soon as Derek came upstairs with the small overnight bag, Jenna was taken completely by surprise.

"Mer, there are enough outfits here to last for the next six months."

"She's already gained almost two pounds Jenna, she's going to outgrow things…and they were so adorable, and these are all organic materials especially for now while she's a newborn…they say it's supposed to be really good for them…and they were cute…and well…I wanted to…" she told her sister in law, and glanced at Derek with a shy smile.

"Jenna," Derek said, "she'd determined to spoil her…and I don't think I'm going to have anything to say about it," he smiled, as he wrapped his arms around Meredith, and rested his chin on the crook of her neck, both looking down on the sleeping baby.

"I may have gone a bit overboard," Meredith smiled, "but, we're not back for months."

"Mer," Derek reminded her, "we'll be here in three weeks."

"Yes," Meredith said, "but I brought all the gifts now."

"Well that's good," he joked, "we won't have tons more suitcase to bring on that trip."

"Jerk," she mumbled.

"What," he teased, "not an ass anymore."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him and glared, "the baby…"

"Has no idea," Jenna laughed, "what he said. Do you sweetheart," she looked down as her infant daughter slowly awakened, and lifted her out of the moses basket.

"Jenna," Derek asked, "why is she sleeping in basket, if she has a crib?"

"You have so much to learn," Jenna laughed softly, "my dear brother, it makes them feel safer…being in a smaller space, they're used to that…and as newborns…"

"It's a basket," he said.

"A moses basket," Jenna told him, "one of the newest ones too, all organic materials, and I use it when I have her downstairs as well."

"You have a beautiful bassinet in your room," Meredith referred to the very girly and traditional bedding she'd seen in her sister in law's bedroom when Jenna had shown her around the house. "She can't use that?"

"Yes, but in the daytime, I put her in here sometimes so she gets used to sleeping in the crib, but in the basket she has a bit smaller and confined space," Jenna explained. "Plus, I'm too lazy to try to move the bassinet back and forth, so it stays in my room and we use this for everywhere else."

"Makes sense," Meredith said, "she'd feel safer…"

"Babies do," she snuggled her daughter close and kissed her, "Kerry, I think it's time your godmother changed your diaper."

"No," Meredith said, "I don't …I haven't done that before…"

"Time you learn," Jenna said, "first time for everything," and walked over to the changing table and the three of them had a good laugh over Meredith's first baby diapering training, and then, the baby was safely in Meredith's arms again.

"Next time," Meredith cooed to the baby, "your uncle Derek is going to do all the changing…so he can stop laughing at me," she smiled at him, and he smiled back; we're going to be ok they communicated silently, "and see how much better he does getting your little arms to cooperate and undress you and then dress you again."

"Kerry," Derek said, as he put his arms around Meredith, looking at the baby over her shoulder, "your aunt Meredith has very special gift for you…she insisted on carrying all the way here to make sure it didn't get lost…and I hope one day you'll think it's just as special as she did when she saw it…"

"I can't believe you have more things," Jenna said. "Meredith…I love everything you've gotten for her…but…you really are going to spoil her rotten…"

"She's a newborn," Meredith told Jenna, "she can't be spoiled just yet…"

"God help me," Jenna laughed, "if she ever wants to get her way…she'll know exactly where she needs to turn to…" she smiled at the way her brother and sister in law were completely enthralled with her daughter, especially as she'd worried a few times over Meredith's comments the last few days of her pregnancy.

"Kerry," Meredith spoke gently and quietly, the tenderness in her voice bringing joy to Derek's heart, and he closed his eyes briefly, thanking God for the way she was reacting, and for the soothing healing effect Kerry seemed to have on his wife. "I'm glad you don't really understand what I'm saying," the baby snuggled closer to her, "but your Uncle Derek…thought I was crazy getting you a gift that is much bigger than you, but when I saw it…I thought it would be something special…your very first doll," she said.

"A doll," Jenna smiled, "she doesn't have one…Meghan and Katie each had one."

"I asked your Mom…and Meghan told me she didn't have a doll…and I didn't just want to get clothes…I wanted her to have something from us that she could keep…a special gift…"

"You got her the small lamb," Jenna reminded her, "and that was precious…"

"I know…but that was before she was born, this was for my goddaughter…when I already knew what she looked like," Meredith smiled as Derek handed the bag to Jenna.

"Meredith," Jenna said as she lifted the doll from the bag and took the wrapping paper off, "she is absolutely precious…what a beautiful face…and these pigtails, it's beautiful…"

"It reminded me of her, what she may look like…a beautiful face…a perfect doll…except the eyes…but the hair…"

"It's one of the prettiest dolls I've ever seen," Jenna said and got all sentimental, "and it's her first one…and she's going to know how special it is because it's the first gift her godmother brought when you first saw her, and…the baby bear…Mer…it's…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, "do not make me all sentimental…"

"It's your fault," Jenna told her, "you can't blame me…"

"Looks like we got here just in time," Kathleen said quietly as she stood at the door, "to stop the floodgates."

"I think you're too late," Derek turned and hugged his sister, letting her know that all was fine, he whispered, "she's been just fine."

"Kat," Jenna said, "look at this…" she held the doll out to her, "isn't she beautiful?"

"She is," Kathleen said, and her heart felt a bit of sadness as she imagined how difficult these moments must be for Meredith. "She even looks like her," she said referring to the chubby face doll with black hair and pigtails wearing seersucker shorts with multi-colored strips repeated on the collar, cuffs, and blouse ruffle, the same print found on the sun suit of a tiny bear she held and keeping with the bear theme was a tiny appliquéd bear dancing across the front of the sweet little sun suit. **

"Kathleen," Meredith met her sister in law's gaze, and allowed herself to be embraced, "you were right, Kerry is beautiful…and she doesn't seem to mind my total lack of experience with babies…"

"I can see that," Kathleen met the warmth of her gaze, "and that I'm unlikely to have any chance of holding her with you around," she said as she smiled.

Meredith spoke to the baby, "Kerry…you have such smart aunts, they know I'm not about to hand you over so easily…they're almost as smart as your uncle Derek…"

"Are you kidding?" Kathleen raised her voice and the baby snuggled closer to Meredith.

"I know baby," Meredith smiled, "that's your aunt Kat…finding it hard to believe your godfather has been anything but brainless," she turned to Kathleen, and used words to reassure her of her emotional well being, "but ever since you were born…I haven't been able to call him that…not even once."

Jenna snorted very unladylike, "I find that hard to believe," and then they heard Meghan's and Katie's voices as they ran downstairs to see greet their father. "Hold that thought, I'll be right back."

"Meredith," Kathleen hugged her tight the minute Jenna was gone, "it's amazing…isn't it…how they sneak their way into your heart…"

"Kat," Meredith, "I didn't know how this would feel…how I'd react…but…seeing her, holding her…Kathleen," she said, her voice filled with deep emotion, "she's…just…a tiny miracle…and it feels so right…to be here and be her godmother."

"I know," Kathleen told her, "they are…each one of them…tiny miracles of love."

"I have so much to tell you," Meredith said, "so many things…that have touched my heart…and made this week…these days…just…" she paused, "we'll talk…later…"

"We will," Kathleen said, and hugged her sister in law again, and then kissed the top of her niece's head, "and I won't even attempt to fight you for her," she said, taking the baby's small hand in hers.

"I'm shocked," Jenna said, as she and Rob walked in the room together, "Kat didn't take her from you."

"We get her all the time," Kathleen said, "so her godmother has first dibs tonight."

"How about her Dad?" Rob said as he too bent down to kiss his daughter, who turned toward him as soon as she heard her voice, and Meredith voluntarily placed her in his arms. "Hey princess, were you a good girl today?"

"Kat," Derek said, "I take it Maggie and Nancy are on their way? How about the guys?"

"Kid duty," Kathleen said, "no husbands tonight, just women."

"Kat," Rob laughed, "I think Shep and I may take offense to that."

"You don't count…you live here, and they're staying here tonight."

"Daddy counted for something," Rob chuckled, "isn't that right Kerry…about ten months ago," he said and winked at Jenna.

"Moron," Kathleen teased, "see Derek, it's not just you."

"Thanks Kathleen," Derek laughed and hugged his sister. "I love you too."

"Of course you do," Kathleen said, "I'm your favorite."

"Oh, no," Carolyn said, "not the favorites argument again."

"Mom," Jenna said, "there's no argument, she's just jealous cause I am," she said, and walked over to her siblings and hugged them both. "Derek, I am so happy you are here, you and Meredith…you have no idea what it means to me to me…"

"We do," Derek told her, "because it means just as much to us," he said, and drew Meredith close to his side and held her.

"Jen," Rob said, "did they help you decide on the middle name?"

"What are you talking about?" Meredith asked.

"She can't decide," Rob said, "thank God, we were finally able to agree on the first name. It took going over 10,000 names and their meanings."

"Ten thousand names," Derek chuckled, "you're joking right?"

"Actually," Rob started to say, but Jenna interrupted.

"Rob, where are the girls? They didn't follow us."

"Jane has them, convinced them to play together a bit, and they could have extra dessert."

"Rob," Meredith laughed, "ten thousand names?"

"You're to blame actually."

"I'm to blame," Meredith said, "just how is that possible," she said and the baby turned toward her voice.

"While she was in the hospital, after you consented to have her keep you up in the middle of the night, it seems you mentioned you could find everything on Google…and she did… a website with that many names. By the time we got to the K, I'd given up, and then we found Kerry."

"What does it mean?" Derek asked. "That Jenna agreed to it."

"Literally, dark haired," Rob said, and then proudly added, "but it also said it was the name of the most beautiful county in Ireland…and that was it, I told Jenna she was certainly one of the three most beautiful babies I'd ever seen…so…after she cried a bit over that," he walked over to his wife and she took the baby from him, "it was settled. The first name at least, the middle name has been another matter altogether…and it's now up to the two of you to decide."

"The middle name," Meredith said, "that's important…you should…"

"Meredith," Rob said, "we narrowed it down to ten names…and now we're down to two…after almost two weeks…"

"Mer," Jenna said, "you're the godparents…we want you to pick…"

"What are the choices?" Derek asked, and did not miss the glances exchanged between Carolyn and Kathleen.

"We actually discarded a lot more than 30, tried to see if it fit with the first name…but then, Kerry fit her perfectly I thought," Jenna said, "and it's not like anyone we'll know exactly why we picked it…the description of dark hair was obvious, but her middle name…I wanted something more significant…more depth, I'm not sure if that makes sense."

"So tell us," Meredith said.

"Angela and Beatrice," Jenna said, "I know they won't be used, but…whichever one we pick…I want her to understand it meant a lot to us to give her a name that ..."

"Angela," Meredith said softly, "almost like an angel…old fashioned too…"

"Mer," Jenna said, "it actually means just that…angel or messenger," she missed Meredith's soft gasp, and Derek's immediate reaction to hold her closer, "and she's just like an angel…but, Beatrice I loved too, it was described as happy or one that blesses and I loved when I read that it can also mean bringer of joy," she said as she kissed the baby, "and she has done all those things…"

"Kerry Angela," Meredith repeated and squeezed Derek's hand tightly, and pulled him along to stand next to Jenna, "or Kerry Beatrice…Derek, what do you think," she said, and he extended his arms to take the baby from Jenna.

"I think," Derek said, as the baby lay nestled between him and Meredith, "you should decide, both names," he held her gaze, "would be very special," he told her, "but…what does it mean to you?"

"Beatrice," she reached for the baby's tiny hand holding it lovingly, and caressed her face tenderly with the other, "bringer of joy…" Meredith's eyes sparkled with unshed tears and never left her husband's gaze, "Kerry Beatrice…is a very beautiful…fitting name."

"Bringer of joy," Derek said, "very fitting," he whispered.

"Kerry Beatrice," Jenna said, "Rob…it sounds perfect…don't you think…"

"It does," he said, holding his wife in a loving embrace, "our little one has her full name."

"Kerry Beatrice," Derek spoke softly to the baby, almost inaudibly to anyone but his wife, "I know…you have brought joy to our lives…since the day you were born…and since the moment we saw you."

"You have," Meredith kissed her cheek, "little one…you have brought so much joy to our hearts," she said, "and we're going to love you so much…so very very much."

Kathleen walked over to her mother and hugged her, "Mom…don't you dare cry."

"I'm not," Carolyn smiled through her tears.

"Neither am I," Kathleen did the same. "They've healed…so much."

"Babies…Kathleen," her mother said, "always…a blessing…always have a way of making us see the miracles of life."

"Meredith," Nancy greeted them shortly after Kathleen had arrived, "you've been on our minds, but you amaze me," she said, as gently caressed the baby's head. "I'm so happy that you decided to come early, this was good…I think…for both of you."

"She," Meredith said, and handed the baby to Nancy, "is perfect, and you are right, it was very good…for both of us. Your brother has been…I could not have done it without him or you…our family here thinking of us, and offering support…across the distance."

"You'll always have it," Nancy said, "you can count on it."

"I know we can," Meredith smiled, "thank you."

"Nancy," Maggie said as she walked in the room, and saw the tender looks both women bestowed on the baby, "Meredith…the way you both look right now…I'd remember what aunt Pat said…there's six more of these to come along."

"And," Nancy cooed to the baby, "your Aunt Maggie is defying Aunt Pat's gift…but we know better, don't we sweetie," her voice as soft and gentle as Meredith had ever heard, "how about we say hello to your Aunt Maggie…maybe even let her hold you…so she remembers how wonderful it is to have a little one in her arms…and not just a beautiful niece like you…right..."

"You know Nance," Maggie said, "you're not off the hook…"

"Maybe not," her sister shrugged, "but…if that happens…I'm having one…you on the other hand," she said, and Jenna, Kathleen, Meredith and Jenna laughed.

"What are you laughing at?" Maggie turned to them.

"Nancy," Carolyn said, "and Kathleen with one more baby," and her older daughters saw the mischief in her eyes, and remained silent.

"See," Maggie said, "you don't like it anymore than…"

"Kerry Beatrice," Meredith said, taking the baby back from Nancy and smiling at her sister in law, "I think…your aunt Maggie does protest too much. Even I know, your Uncle Derek and I have to contribute to some of those additional grandchildren."

"Kerry Beatrice," Maggie turned to Jenna, "finally…you picked her middle name."

"No," Jenna said, "Meredith and Derek did," she smiled. "Wait," Jenna said suddenly, "you just said, Meredith…that you know…does that mean, are you…"

Derek interrupted, "it means…we are planning on having kids some day, but according to Aunt Pat, if we believe her, there's a total of six…and we're not having six kids."

"We may help make it easier for you," Meredith said, "and have two or three…but not for a while; one of you needs to do that," she smiled at Maggie and placed the baby in her arms and went to sit next to Derek, and the small family gathering continued to deeply entwine symbolical familial bonds amongst Carolyn Shepherd's five daughters.

"Derek," Meredith said as she lay in his arms later that night; door securely closed behind them when they retired, certain of early morning visitors. "Are you sleeping?"

"No," he said softly, kissing the top of her head.

"Today was amazing, I know I keep using that word, but, it was…I never imagined I would feel the way I do…about a baby…our goddaughter. Kerry Beatrice, that name Derek it's so special…I didn't think I'd be able to keep from blubbering all over you."

"I'm in awe of you," he told her, "how strong you are…how you dealt with so many emotions…how you took her in your arms…and never let all you were feeling show."

"I'm totally in love with her," Meredith told him, "the minute I saw her…aren't you…"

"Hard not to be," he admitted, "she's very content…and all those rolls…"

"Over ten pounds already," Meredith giggled, "she is a little piglet."

"She does love to eat," Derek chuckled, "like her mother and…godmother."

"Derek," she turned to look at him, "Jenna and Rob have made it so special…having us choose her middle name, and…" she did sniffle this time, "their meanings…just…"

"Kerry Beatrice…" he said softly, "a beautiful dark haired child…bringing joy to our lives," and kissed his wife.

"I love you Derek," Meredith kissed him back tenderly, "thank you…for going along with me…even when you thought you were protecting me and didn't want to come, it feels so right…being here…spending this time here…"

"Mer," he said, "I'm the one that has to thank you…for making me deal with this…helping us get through what you knew would be inevitably painful…but, you were right about not avoiding and dealing with things…together…"

"Progress," she smiled, "we've done a lot of that…remember those 100 steps…"

"I do…" he said. "We've made it past that…"

"We did," she said, "a long while ago…"

"I love you," Derek told her, "more than you can possibly imagine."

"But I can," Meredith told him, "because I know…it's just as much as I love you."

"Meredith," he told her as he cupped her face and leaned in to capture her mouth, "I need you…tonight…I need you…"

"I need you too," she said, "desperately," and the night witnessed the passion unleashed between two lovers fated to be together for a lifetime.

Kerry Beatrice was, indisputably, a night owl, and at almost three weeks old, her most alert time was her parent's dinner time, followed by feeding and a nap; which most nights of her first seventeen days of life had been spent from aunt to aunt (all eleven of them), but today was reserved for her godparents, ultimate resting in her godmother's arms.

She seemed to love listening to people talk, and was not fazed by the various levels of noise either asleep or awake, as her grandmother, parents, sisters, aunts and godparents spent several hours enjoying each other's company. Then, she would be up between two and three in the morning, bright as the morning sun, before she would decide it was time to sleep, and then would sleep for four hours straight.

Kerry Beatrice's sister Meghan, however, was mostly up at the crack of dawn, and even earlier as the excitement over getting to cuddle with her aunt and uncle had her up before six in the morning when they heard a persistent knock on the guest bedroom door, and quickly reached for the discarded clothing they'd wisely placed near the bed.

Derek opened the bedroom door to find a smiling three year old with a bear, "he likes to cuddle too," and lifted her into his arms and brought her to the bed.

"Aunty M," Meghan whispered over Meredith, who'd pretended to be sleeping. "Wake up cause you said we can cuddle…and I bring Mr. Bear…"

"Maybe we can let her sleep a little more," Derek suggested, "and cuddle with me."

"I want to cuddle with both of you," she pouted, "she tolds me…she was going to spend time with me…not just my baby sister…and Aunty M spent lots and lots of time cuddling my baby sister…"

Meredith immediately turned to her and opened her eyes, not wanting to risk any sibling jealousies. "Meggie," Meredith said, "I was just teasing…pretending to be sleeping…of course I want to cuddle with you…and I got to spend time with Kerry…but I knew I'd be cuddling with you lots more this morning…"

"Cause you love me?"

"Because I love you very much," Meredith told her.

"Even if you're not my grandmother," Derek wanted to laugh at his niece's insistence they were grandparents instead of godparents, "wait…Granma tolds me…I need to remember it's godparents…cause of…Kerry gets to have water on her head at church…and Granma says God loves Kerry and Katie and me and all the little children…and I know God lives there cause it's God's house… so you gets to hold her when they throw water on her head…so I remember now…only grandma and Nana are grandmother…but you and Aunty M are her godmother and godfather, right…Uncle D?"

"That's right," he smiled, "and you are a very smart little girl."

"Cause Kerry is a little baby and Katie is my big sister, so I'm just little but not a baby."

"That's right," Meredith said and smiled as she hugged the little girl close to her. "Do you want to cuddle with me, and we get some more sleep…at least till the sun comes out?"

"We can do that," the little girl smiled and hugged Meredith, "Uncle D…you gots to leave the door open…Katie has to wake up and come cuddle too," she said and closed her eyes as Derek embraced both his wife and niece.

"Mer," he said a little while later, "can you imagine…one more rambler visiting," he chuckled quietly, referring to Meghan's three year old ramblings.

"Derek," Meredith giggled, "did you learn nothing last time," and felt his arms hold her closer, and his lips on her hair.

"I did," he told her, "that's why I'm going to sleep now," and they did, until an hour later, she felt the touch of a small hand on her face.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie said, "you have to wake up please," and she did and helped the little girl get in bed with them, and go back to sleep, surprisingly until nine in the morning, and while the four adults and two young girls enjoyed breakfast; the youngest member of the family was blissfully content in her father's arms.

"You know," Meredith said, "you keep saying we're spoiling her, but Rob, you haven't put her down at all."

"We're not having any more kids," he grinned at Jenna, "so I have to enjoy this one."

"Why," Jenna said, "are you grinning at me, like the cat that swallowed the canary?"

"Because," he winked at her, "I happen to believe Aunt Pat, and maybe…"

"You are one brave," she mouthed idiot, making Meredith and Derek laugh, "to even suggest the idea of it…when this one is 18 days old."

"I'm not suggesting anything," he said simply as he held his newborn daughter, but not long after she began to whimper indicating it was time for eating.

"Mommy," Katie said, "Daddy is right, Kerry is a little piglet," she giggled, "she loves to eat all the time."

"Honey," Jenna said, "that's what all babies do…they eat and sleep…"

"And get dirty diapers," Meghan said, "don't forget that Mommy…"

"I'll take her up," Jenna said, "she's been up two hours, this is her morning nap time."

Kathleen was the first to arrive with her youngest, followed almost immediately by Maggie as both their husbands and teenage sons were attending a baseball game where Nancy's son was one of the star players. Derek had joined them to watch his godson play. Nancy arrived shortly after with her four girls, all of whom wanted time holding their newest cousin, and their aunt Jenna allowed it once the baby had her morning nap.

"Meredith," Kathleen walked up to her in the kitchen and linked her arms through hers, "join me for a walk?"

"Yes," she smiled at her sister in law, "I have so much I want to tell you," she said, and they were gone for almost an hour that included a sentimental and tearful embrace when Meredith told her about all she'd experienced the day of Brianna's due date, and Kelly's continued source of healing in their lives.

"Mer," Kathleen hugged her, "when I saw you with Kerry, I just knew that you were going to be just fine, you and Derek. That I didn't have to worry as much."

"You don't," Meredith told her. "I'm not going to tell you there haven't been moments when I felt I was going to break down and cry…thinking of what could have been, but Kathleen since I've been here, since I held her…and then…her middle name, that we picked it. Beatrice…it is truly the way I feel, she has brought joy to our life, and I know that one day…Derek and I will have our children…our very own tiny miracles that will be welcomed so lovingly into our family."

"When that happens," Kathleen told her, "you can count on us…all of us…to be there, with you and Derek to welcome your babies…and I know it can be overwhelming, having so many of us there…but…figure out how to cope with it, because you are not going to keep me away…just like I've been there for all of my sisters…you are stuck with me and Mom…and I won't speak for the rest of them, but I'm pretty sure that first baby…you won't keep us away."

"You," Meredith took a deep breath, "you…would really want to do that…travel…and be there…I told Derek it wasn't something he should expect…Mom, yes…I know she will…but you all have families, so I didn't want him to be disappointed."

"What about you?" Kathleen asked her, "Would you want us there?"

"Yes," Meredith said without pause, "oh…yes, I'd want you there, but you… especially you…my older sister."

"Count on it," Kathleen said, "whenever you need me."

Kathleen and Meredith walked back in the house to the Jenna's pouting face, "you know Meredith…you can't play favorites."

"I'm not playing favorites," Meredith said and exchanged a brief glance with Kathleen. "It's Kathleen's fault, I can't help it…she's older."

"Oh my God," Nancy laughed, "Mom, she's become an expert…at dealing with the favorites dilemma."

"It's not very nice," Jenna actually sniffled, "she's supposed to spend time here, not with you Kathleen…for a whole hour."

"Oh stop pouting and sniffling," Kathleen went to sit next to her sister and hugged her, "you know you have a captive audience…her godparents are totally enthralled with my youngest niece, and I brought one of your favorite desserts…got up at the crack of dawn…this morning."

"Your fudge brownies…" Jenna smiled.

"Yes," Kathleen smiled indulgently at her youngest sister. "Take advantage while I know hormones are still playing a bit of havoc…"

"I love you Kathleen," Jenna hugged her back.

"Food…always a guarantee," Kathleen laughed.

"No," Jenna told her, "because I'm lucky to have you," she said, "all of you," and hormones did in fact have something to do with the sentimental conversation that followed between the sisters and their mother.

"Where's Kerry?" Meredith asked. "Is she sleeping?"

"No," Jenna said, "Jennifer is with her and the girls," she referred to the six youngest cousins. "She's letting them have turns holding her …their half hour is just about up."

"You think that's ok," Meredith said, "she's just a newborn and the girls are so young…"

"Mer," Nancy said, "in a family like ours…they all learn to be around babies, whether they want to or not…they become experts at holding and feeding and changing diapers…"

"But," Meredith insisted, "Kerry is so little…she's very fragile still…"

Carolyn put her hand over Meredith's, "Jennifer has 3 younger sisters, she's an old hand at it, don't worry she's fine."

"Ok," Meredith smiled at her mother in law, "if you say so…"

"The boys will be just as bad," Maggie said, "when they get here they'll want to hog the baby as well."

"You mean even the teenage boys want to hold her…and…." Meredith said.

"Not just the teenage boys," Nancy laughed, "the big boys too…you watch, they're worse than we are in spoiling the babies."

"Aren't they supposed to be here soon?" Meredith asked.

"Kevin just texted," Kathleen said, "they won the game and they're at one of the boys favorite pizza places, as they were all starving and they all need to get out of sweaty clothes if they want to get anywhere near the baby, so they should start getting here in about an hour."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "can I get Kerry…do you think the girls…will mind?"

"They'll mind," Jenna said, "they think she's a doll…but…she's yours all weekend, everyone knows that…they get to see her whenever they want," she said, and Nancy, Carolyn and Kathleen smiled as they saw Meredith get up and make her way quickly up the stairs.

"Hi girls," Meredith said as she walked in the nursery and Jennifer was sitting in the rocking chair holding the baby, with a couple of the girls standing around talking to her, and the others sitting on the floor playing with Katies's paper doll stage. "I was wondering if you'd share her with me a little bit," she said, and as her voice got closer the baby turned her face.

"Aunt Meredith," Jennifer smiled, "it's really true, Mom was saying how she seems to know your voice, which is really unusually babies this small normally recognize their parents voices…but she really looks for you…"

"That's cause she the godmother," Meghan said, "right Aunty M…and see I got it right…I know the name now…"

"Meggie," Meredith smiled, "you did get it right…I'm her godmother," and she reached to take the baby from Jennifer, and then sat on the rocking chair and spoke to the baby as well as having a conversation with the rest of the girls.

"Aunt Meredith," Amanda, Nancy's ten year old said, "I told Mom I really want to visit, and she said we were going to, but that we have to wait till summer and that is not fair…will you tell her it's ok…that we can visit sooner…please…"

"It's not fair," Emma said, "if you get to visit first…Mom got to meet Aunt Meredith first so I should get to go first…isn't that right Aunt Meredith?"

"No," Rebecca, Nancy's eight year old said, "that's not true, my Mom met her first…she went to Seattle to see Uncle Derek when he didn't show up Thanksgiving or Christmas."

"Stop being silly," Caroline, Nancy's twelve year old said, "it doesn't matter who got to meet her first. You can visit whenever it works for the adults, not the little kids."

"Yes, it does matter," Emma said, "because…my Mommy loves Aunt Meredith right from the first day she met her …and Aunt Nancy was mean when she visited, and I heard Mommy say to stop being…" and complete silence followed, "she used the bad word."

"Emma," Meredith said, wanting to kill Derek for not being there and get out of this predicament, "sweetie…your Aunt Nancy did come to visit first, because she was concerned about your Uncle Derek, that she had not seen him in a long time, and she was only there for one day, so we didn't spend a lot of time together. Your mommy and I had a lot of days to spend together and we got to know each other first, but I also had time to spend with your Aunt Nancy and Maggie and Jenna when we visited a few months ago, and you are all going to get to come visit us in Seattle."

"But," Emma said, "my Mommy and Daddy…they visited and went camping…and…"

"Honey," Meredith reached to touch the little girl's face, "it doesn't matter who visited already, ok…you'll get to visit, all of you will."

"I goes with Emma," Meghan said, "and Katie…cause we're the little ones…we gets to go first," she said, and Meredith knew she was way in over her head.

"Girls," Jennifer said, "how about we go see what Mrs. Jane is making for dinner."

"No," Katie said, "I like being here with my sisters and Aunt Merdith."

"It's ok," Meredith smiled at Jennifer, "I think," she laughed.

"It's not easy," Nancy oldest daughter smiled at her, "believe me."

"You've got eleven younger ones to deal with," Meredith smiled at her.

"Aunt Meredith," Caroline interrupted, "I haven't played with dolls in a long time, but the one you brought for Kerry is really beautiful," she smiled, "I have a doll collection, from different countries…and this one has one of the prettiest faces."

"I'm glad you liked her," Meredith said, "it reminded me of Kerry's chubby cheeks and I wanted the first doll to be from her godparents."

"She's going to love her," Caroline said, "I bet it's going to be her favorite gift."

"Thank you Caroline," Meredith told her, "that means a lot to me, especially since you used to collect dolls," careful not to suggest she may still be interested in them.

"I still collect them," Caroline smiled, "just don't play with them anymore."

"I'll keep that in mind," Meredith told her.

"Need help in here," Carolyn appeared in the doorway.

"Granma," Amanda said, "we're trying to figure out who gets to visit Seattle first and stay at the trailer."

"You need help," Carolyn sighed, and walked over to Meredith and rested her hand on her shoulder, and said quietly, "you ok?"

"Yes," Meredith said and smiled, "Mom, we're just getting to know each other better."

"Your husband just got here," Carolyn told her, "and was instructed to freshen up before he could go near Kerry, the others already knew they'd have to do that," she smiled, "that will last another week…then…her philosophy will be that any germs near her will only help her immune system."

"But," Meredith said, "that's not really true…I mean…I was reading…"

"You can't protect them from everything," Carolyn squeezed her shoulder, "trust me…I raised five healthy children that were passed on from relative to relative since the day they were born…taking natural precautions of course, washing hands and the obvious…but…thank God they've been healthy as horses all their lives."

"Granma," Amanda asked, "does that mean we don't have to worry about coming in all sweaty and grimy from school…and have to wash up before holding the baby?"

"No," Carolyn said, "it does not mean that at all. Now, go on all of you. I want to spend time with your Aunt Meredith," and echo of protests followed until they had just one word of warning from their grandmother, "girls…Jenni dear, would you take them to the play room, pick a movie for them?"

"Yes," the young girl smiled at her, "Granma," and hugged her. "I love you."

"Me too sweetheart," and smiled at her lovely granddaughter.

"Is everything ok?" Meredith questioned, a hint of concern in her voice.

"I have not had a chance to talk to you," she said, "since you've been here."

"I'm ok," Meredith told her, "let's go sit at the window seat."

"You're ok," Carolyn smiled at her daughter in law, "and you're going to spoil this one…even worse than a grandmother does…Kerry Beatrice…you are a very lucky little girl," her grandmother kissed the top of her head, and the baby turned toward the voice, which she tended to do now with most sounds, but her godmother was indeed special.

"She is going to be very spoiled," Meredith said, "aren't you princess…because it's not just your godfather and I…it's everyone in the family," the baby focused intently on her godmother's face, "but…you are the most special baby to us…and you know what," she spoke tenderly to her, "I am so very certain that you have a baby angel watching over you, and her name is Brianna…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn said, once she got past the lump in her throat, "I believe she does, a beautiful baby cousin who will always be her angel," and both women smiled through the inevitable tears.

"Mom," Meredith said, "I told Kathleen…about my day with Kelly…earlier…"

"That was the reason for the long walk," Carolyn said and Meredith nodded. "Meredith, do you know how much it means to her…to me…that you can share those moments with us…"

"I do," Meredith said, "because it means everything to me…to have you…both of you."

Carolyn put her arm around her daughter in law, and Meredith rested her head on her shoulder, "I love you sweetheart."

"I love you too Mom," Meredith said, and she knew that this woman, the one she'd once feared meeting, would never let her down; would never allow her to doubt the meaning of a mother's unconditional love.

"I think," Carolyn smiled at her, "you should know…I won't be at all offended if you decide to stay here tonight."

"Mom…I …we…plan on staying with you…"

"I know, but you'd rather spend time here…with her…and I think that is where you need to be. They have a way," Carolyn told her, "these tiny miracles that come into our lives…of healing our hearts…and making us love them so completely…"

"I am totally in love with her," Meredith sniffled, "and I think…in his own way…God has talked to us…touched our hearts…through her…and she has made the sadness in so many ways go away…because I know…one day…we'll have our own Mom…like Derek told me…our own little miracles…"

"Sweetheart," Carolyn met her gaze, "I have no doubts…about that…and I'm going to be there…right beside you…for each one of them."

"That's what Kathleen said," Meredith laughed softly.

"She will be," Carolyn said, "and I think you may have a hard time keeping the others away, especially the first time you give birth."

"Derek's first born," Meredith smiled, "welcomed by his grandmother and all his aunts."

"They'll be there…for their brother and their sister…you've become that, I hope you realize that's what you are to all of them."

"I know," Meredith smiled, "and I'm learning…all about family," she said and recounted the earlier conversation with her nieces and they were laughing when Jenna walked in.

"You are just like your aunts," Jenna walked over and kissed the baby, who was focused on her godmother's face and apparently listening very attentively, "aren't you…nosy and not wanting to be left out of any conversation," the baby made some involuntary gurgling noise as the three women watched smiling, "and…your Aunt Meredith is being very territorial isn't she sweetie…" the baby was listening to her mother's every word, "and you've been too content here…with your cousins and godmother…and Granma, forgetting all about your Mommy…who is hoping you're hungry…"

"She's been very quiet," Meredith said, "that's unusual…it's been almost three hours since she ate."

"Yes," Jenna said, "and she had a bottle with her last feeding so it's been almost five hours…I'm going to see if she wants to eat now," she reached for the baby, who immediately turned her head to her mother's breast and opened her mouth. "Mom," do you mind getting me the bunny blanket," she asked, and made herself comfortable against the pillows, surprising Meredith when she unclasped her nursing bra and put the baby to her breast and the baby latched on immediately.

"She is a little piglet," Meredith said, and then a bit shy, "you don't mind…that I'm here…and Mom…"

"I don't do this in public," Jenna told her, "or in front of everyone, but you're a doctor…and you're my sister…and it's the most natural thing in the world…and her godmother," she smiled, "that didn't want her being called a little piglet," the baby was not stopping to listen to any voices at this time, "until you saw for yourself."

"It is better for them," Meredith said, "they should be breast fed…if I have kids…"

"I thought," Jenna said, "you were on board to help with some of those six grandkids…"

"I am," Meredith smiled, "just…have to get used to the idea. I didn't really think I'd have kids before your brother came into my life."

"I promise you," Jenna said, "when you are pregnant the first time…you'll probably freak out a little…I did, and then you feel the baby for the first time…and then…when you hold them…and the first time they do this," she smiled at the baby, her hand gently caressing her daughter's head, "you know what love and life are truly all about."

"The first time," Meredith said, and her mother in law discreetly put her arm around her waist letting her know she was there, offering comfort and understanding, "you're probably right."

Jenna detected a hint of sadness in Meredith, and didn't quite understand, but she said, "Mer…before you leave tonight, you should feed her, spend time with her."

"I'd like that," Meredith told her sister in law, "but…I was thinking…if you don't mind…we'll stay here again tonight…"

"Mom," Jenna looked at her mother's reaction.

"She already asked me, if my feelings would be hurt…they won't be…and I'm going to mass at five thirty so I can bring the rest of your things over."

"You can't do that," Meredith said, "you can't pack for us, or clean up our room…and…"

"Is there something embarrassing amongst your things…that I can't pack for you," Carolyn asked with a deadpan expression.

"What," Meredith turned to her, "no…of course not…but…"

Jenna smiled, "I can't laugh right now, but Mom…that is just too damn embarrassing."

"Stop being a tease Jenna," Carolyn said. "Meredith, I will bring your things over tonight."

They heard Derek's laughter in the room next door, one of the girl's bedrooms.

"I guess," Meredith giggled, "I should tell him."

Carolyn and half a dozen kids went to mass along with Maggie and her husband.

The sisters and their families who had begun to arrive shortly before lunch and would stay late into the evening hours; the kids keeping themselves entertained, including several hours at the nearby park with their fathers, who would also be responsible for the evening barbecue.

Meredith joined Derek in the girl's bedroom where Emma was having a serious conversation with him and Nancy was trying not to laugh. Then, Kathleen interrupted, "Emma and Katie, go with Granma and your brothers, she's going to mass today."

"I don't want to," Emma pouted, "Mommy I want to spend time with Uncle Derek."

"Go on sweetie," Kathleen encouraged, "just think…you don't have to get up early to go with us, and your Uncle Derek is going to be here for dinner and you'll see him tomorrow before they go back home."

"Ok…Mommy," she said, "Aunt Meredith," she whispered as she stood next to her, "you promised we'd spend time together on your next trip."

"I know Emma…and I didn't know we'd be here before the baptisms, but…when we're here for that…we'll spend some time together…just the two of us…ok?"

"Uncle Derek can be there," the little girl smiled, "if you want him to."

"Let's see," Meredith hugged her, "when we come back…if we want him to go with us…or just have a girl's day out."

"Ok," Emma smiled, "bye Mommy…"

"I'm so confused," Meredith said, "I thought Catholics had mass on Sundays."

"Yes," Nancy laughed, "but years ago, I don't even remember how long ago, if you go to a vigil mass, that's the evening before, it counts as your Sunday obligation."

"Sunday obligation," Meredith repeated.

"Aunt Meredith," Jennifer said, "that's so we can avoid having to go to confession," she joked and the girls in their inimitable fashion explained the weekly ritual.

"Mom," Amanda said, "can we go with Granma too, get it over with."

"Amanda," Nancy said, "you know better than that."

"Mom," Amanda said, "just because Nicole has to sing in the choir doesn't mean we should be stuck going to the same mass every Sunday."

"Amanda," her mother warned.

"Fine," she sighed dramatically and turned to her sister. "I love you Nikki but it gets pretty boring sometimes…except when you sing solo."

"Girls go ask your father if you can help with anything," Nancy said, "and take Meggie with you."

"That means," Nicole said, "she wants us out of here."

"Aunty M," Meghan said, "you gots to stand there," she pulled on her hand, "and see if you are taller than a princess…Uncle D is way way bigger."

"I found out," Derek said, "about growth charts and the heights of princesses," he said, referring to the conversation upon their arrival and the girls comments about their height, as Meredith smiled at the growth chart on the wall depicting Disney princesses.

"You're way way bigger too Aunty M, bigger than all the princesses," she said and raised her hands to be picked up, and wrapped her hands around Meredith's waist, and then cupped her face in her small hands and smiled at her, "but you're prettier than Snow White and Cinderella."

"Thank you sweetie," I think you're prettier than all of them as well," Meredith hugged her and laughed when the little girl spoke again.

"That's silly Aunty M…cause I just a little girl."

"But," Meredith whispered, "little girls grow up and some are very special because they are beautiful inside and out…and that's what you are."

"Inside," Meghan said, "but you can't see that…"

"You can Meggie," Meredith told her, "you see with your heart…just like Princess Bella."

"Cause she saw the Beast was not ugly…" the little girl smiled in comprehension.

"Yes," Meredith said as the little girl threw her arms around her neck and hugged her tight. "I love you Aunty M."

"I love you too Meggie," Meredith said.

"I gots to go now," Meghan said, "Aunt Nancy told us…"

"I take it," Nancy said, "those late night Google searches included Disney movies," and they all laughed.

"You've told everyone," Meredith looked over to Derek.

"No," he smiled sheepishly, "just Jenna but she spreads news fast."

"Meredith," Nancy said more seriously, "I was worried about you…these days here…but…" she smiled at her, "you amaze me…how you've handled it all."

"It helped…helps…knowing all of you were there to support us, thank you, it's meant a lot to me…and Derek."

"Thank you for accepting my help and for being so forgiving…I heard about this afternoon…"

"What's going on," Derek said, not liking the comments

"Your wife," Nancy placed her hand on Meredith's arm, "of six months has earned the love and loyalty of our entire family…and my respect and admiration…and the kids are fighting to see who gets to visit first and spend time with you…"

"Thank you," Meredith said, and surprising brother and sister hugged Nancy.

"Meredith," Nancy returned the brief moment of affection, "if you need me…for anything…anytime…I'll be here."

"Can you tell me what that was all about," Derek said again, and Nancy told him how Meredith had handled the earlier disagreement with the girls.

"Jen told me her Aunt Meredith knew just the right thing to say," Nancy said, and talked of her oldest daughter with obvious pride, and Meredith smiled at having the opportunity to see the doting mother, as it continued to erase the first impression of her sister in law.

"Mom," Meredith said as they were getting ready for dinner, "where's Aunt Pat, I expected she'd be here."

"Mad as hell," Kevin commented, "that she had a retreat."

"Kevin," his mother in law said, "that is not…"

"Mom," Kevin laughed, "didn't you just come from mass…"

"Meredith did I tell you the story," Carolyn winked at her, "when my son in law Kevin first married Kathleen and…"

"Old meddling woman," Kevin retorted, "if she'd minded her own business…"

"Are you at it again," Rob laughed, "I'd be careful old man, Kat doesn't know about…"

"What don't I know about," Kathleen strolled in holding her newborn niece.

"Nothing dear," Carolyn said, "Rob's just making trouble."

Rob roared with laughter, "I'm making trouble."

"If you must know Kathleen," Carolyn said, "your husband was maligning your aunt."

"The cheating nun?" Kathleen said.

"The very same," her mother smiled, "and used the word hell in the same sentence as her retreat."

Maggie walked in at that moment, "are we talking about Aunt Pat being mad as hell she had to be at the weekend retreat?"

"The very same," Carolyn said, "but I have to say she is right, you are all very impertinent and disrespectful, she's at a spiritual retreat and somehow referring to it as hell does not seem like the right thing at all," their mother commented, and the kitchen roared with laughter as the final preparations for dinner took place.

The kids had been fed earlier and Kyle and Jennifer as the oldest of the twelve in residence, without counting Kerry, had been put in charge of watching the younger ones.

"I have to tell you, Kevin," Meredith told him as she peeked at the baby his arms, "Derek told me the story about Still Hunt, and you were an A-S-S."

"You're calling me an …"

"I am, and don't say the word…you're holding my goddaughter…"

"Kev," Derek laughed and pulled on Meredith's hand so she was sitting on his lap, "you would have loved her reaction…she laughed."

"I figured you would," Kathleen chuckled, "especially as you two have become synonymous with roaring…and…enticing certain people to betting games…"

"Kat," Rob taunted, "you know he bet...heck…he's been bragging about it…"

"Of course I know, and Mom…made a killing as well."

"She what," several voices echoed, including Derek, Jenna and John.

"Of course she was," Kevin said and went to stand by his mother in law, who took the baby from him, "this old wily fox was right on the money…"

"You…" Derek said, "my mother…bet on …"

"That Meredith had made the lion roar in silence," Kevin said.

"Oh my God," Meredith buried her face in his neck, and her body trembled with laugher, "Derek…do something…"

"Here…" he teased, "and now…in front of everyone…"

Meredith looked at him and laughed again, "why the hell not…" she raised an eyebrow at him suggestively, "they all seemed to bet on our sex life as well…so…" she smiled right before she captured his mouth and pretended they forgot they had any audience at all.

"Bets," Jenna said, "anyone…" and the entire room erupted in good natured laughter, and the littlest member of the family protested as she let out a loud impressive cry and her godmother rose immediately to get her.

"Kerry…sweetie, are all these loud people ignoring you," she soothed, and the baby continued to cry, "don't pay any attention to them," she snuggled her, "I'm not giving you up anymore…you can stay with me…" the baby's cries became soft whimpers as she listened to Meredith's voice, and before she put her thumb in her mouth Meredith gave her the pacifier and she settled contentedly in her godmother's arms until it was time for her next feeding.

"Mom," Maggie said, "I think you should do like Mark did…and put the money into an allowance for the future grandchildren…of course he said he's waiting to be a godfather, so Meredith and Derek…"

"You know about that?" Derek asked.

"Derek," Maggie said, "have you ever known Mark to keep a secret?"

"Yes," Meredith said without thinking. "He has. He can, if it's important enough."

"Do tell," John commented, as he and Maggie held hands.

Meredith realized what she'd said, "he won't say anything. It was that important to him…and the people he cared about, I just happened to be there, when it happened."

"Mom," Nancy changed the subject, "exactly how much money did you make?"

"Kevin dear," Carolyn said, "how much was it?"

"Few hundred dollars," he mumbled.

"A few hundred dollars," Jenna said, "are you kidding?"

"No," Kevin said, "we are not," and the family of eleven adults spent the rest of the evening relating years of anecdotes that filled the house with laughter.

"I'm going to check on the kids, it's been too quiet for comfort." Kathleen said, and it was a good twenty minutes before she came back.

"You…absolutely moron," Kathleen walked right up to Derek and smacked the back of his head, "are you out of your mind? What in the world possessed you to tell my daughter…"

"What," Derek rubbed the back of his head, "Ma…tell her she can't do that…and don't I get a chance to know what I did…"

"Fine…" Kathleen said, "you brainless idiotic moron…"

"Kathleen," her mother said, "stop calling him names…"

"Mom," she said, "I get downstairs and Emma comes up to me with a sad face and teary eyes, and wants to know why can't Mommy have another baby like Aunt Jenna…so Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith will come stay with us…because they stayed here last night and Katie and Meghan got to wake up and cuddle…and he told her," she glared at him, "the moron…that maybe if her Mommy had a baby they'd come and stay with us too…"

"Derek," Carolyn said, "son, what in the world would possess you to say that?"

"Kat," Jenna said, "you're absolutely right…he's a moron…and brainless…"

"Derek," Maggie said, "you really are going to need a lot of kids lessons, you would think with the fourteen nieces and nephews…you'd have learned something."

"Hey," Jenna said, "it's fifteen…"

"Kerry's too young," Maggie said, "it's the others he should have learned from."

"Derek," Nancy said, "if you'd said that to Rebecca…and if by any chance I were to get pregnant…with one of those six grandkids…we'd have to pay you back…"

"Good idea," Maggie said, "we could hit him where it hurts…"

"His hair," Meredith said teasingly, "you could threaten his hair."

"I knew it," he mumbled, "completely doomed…never have a biased argument again in my life. Fine wife you are," he told her, but reached for her hand and caressed it softly, "taking their side."

"What are you mumbling about Derek," his mother said.

"Nothing."

"I'll let you win some arguments," Meredith leaned over and whispered, "as long as you…"

"I suppose," he whispered, "I can be your sex slave…anytime…"

"We both win," she kissed him softly.

"Knock it off you two," Jenna said, "I don't need to be reminded how long I have to wait, while you two enjoy…" she teased, "silent roaring…in my home.."

"Oh," Kathleen said smugly, "don't worry about that…you can bet money it won't happen tonight."

"What are you going to do honey?" Kevin nuzzled her neck, "put them in separate rooms?"

"No," she said, and as Meredith had done earlier, kissed her husband hard on the mouth, "they have Emma for the night. I told her Mommy didn't need to have another baby for her to spend the night cuddling with Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith, she's spending the night with them tonight."

"She's what?" Derek said.

"You heard me," Kathleen told him. "I told her Uncle Derek wanted her to stay here tonight, and she could cuddle with them all night long."

Derek's expression was priceless, "you're joking?"

"I'm not," Kathleen said.

Meredith giggled, and whispered, "don't worry…I'll make it up to you…trust me…"

"Meredith," Kathleen winked at her before she spoke more seriously, "you are going to have my daughter in that room, don't you dare do anything that will scar her for life, and you should know," she teased, "she's a very light sleeper," and the room was filled with laughter again, but by this time, Kerry Beatrice was used to the increasing decibels and slept right through it.

"You know I love you," Kathleen said as she hugged her brother before the end of the evening.

"I do know," Derek said, "even if you are mean and nasty and interfering…"

"Wanna bet," she teased him.

"You are, aren't you?" he chuckled.

"Emma adores you Derek, she always did…and I didn't want her feeling left out, she's only seven…and she doesn't understand why you can be here and not with us…and you know what," she rested her head on her brother's shoulder.

"Share your secret," he hugged his sister, his confidant.

"If Kevin hadn't had a vasectomy…I know you'll think I'm crazy…but if it were possible for me to get pregnant, even now, at my age…I wouldn't mind…"

"I know Kathleen," he smiled at her.

"I talked to Mer today," she told him, "she's fine Derek…she's grown so much, emotionally she's healed so much," she told him of their conversation, knowing she was not betraying her sister in law's confidence, as Meredith had told her she hoped she and Derek would have a chance to talk as well and he could confide in her.

"Kathleen," Derek told her, "just when I think there's no way I could possibly love her more…I discover that I do…and we're going to be just fine…this trip, I was against it, but it was a blessing…for us both, and the baby…" he shook his head, sentimental tears in his eyes, "Kerry Beatrice…a fitting name, she's has truly brought such joy to our lives."

"I told her," Kathleen said, "I will be there…for your firstborn…whenever that happens…she will have her family there," she said, "count on it," she smiled.

"I am," Derek told her, and hugged her tight, "I am."

It was after ten when everyone went home, except Emma who was thrilled to be spending the night, and over an hour ago had succumbed to sleep and was sprawled in the middle of the guest bedroom's queen size bed.

Derek and Rob were outside, smoking a cigar; Meredith and Jenna were sitting in the living room, for once Kerry was not in someone's arms, but had been asleep in the moses basket for over an hour and now began to whimper and then somehow managed to have her whole hand in her mouth and began to make suckling sounds.

"Mer," Jenna said as she lifted the baby from the basket, "do you mind…if I feed her here?"

"No," Meredith told her, "should I get you a burp cloth and a blanket?"

"Please," Jenna said, as her daughter latched on as though she hadn't been fed in days, "ouch…"

"Does it hurt?" Meredith asked when she heard her.

"Not really," Jenna smiled at her, and when Meredith returned the two sisters in law sat and spoke as they did every night while the little one kept her mother up.

"Honey," Rob said, as he bent down and kissed his wife, "you've had two long tiring days…we should go up to bed, they'll be here most of tomorrow."

Derek sat on the other side of Meredith and put his arm around her, "hey…we should call it an early night, of sorts," he said, as it was after eleven, "we have a long flight tomorrow and early morning shift on Monday."

"We'll be gaining three hours," she kissed him back, "on the way home."

"True," he whispered, "but I don't plan on sleeping when we get home," she smiled, "make up for tonight."

"Derek," Jenna laughed, "I can hear you."

"So what," Derek chuckled, "you know about sex."

"Not for a while," she sighed, and smiled at her husband, "but she's worth the wait."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "she'll wake up in about two hours…and eat again?"

"Yeah," Jenna smiled, "you know her schedule…she's had you up lots of nights."

"Then," Meredith said, "she'll sleep about four hours…till six or so…"

"Yes," Jenna looked at her with an odd expression.

"I was thinking," Meredith said, "if you want… you can get a full night's sleep…I mean…you can put her bassinet in our room…and I can give her a bottle tonight…and then bring her to you in the morning…but you can sleep at least six or seven hours…if you want I can watch her…I mean I understand you may not…I don't have too much experience…but I can feed her and I've changed her plenty of times now…"

"She's yours," Jenna said, "yes…of course you can watch her…Mer…I haven't had a full night's sleep in about a week…because even when Rob feeds her at night…I can hear her…but…that would be heavenly."

"You're going to let her sleep in another room," Rob asked incredulously, "out of your sight?"

"She's with her godmother," Jenna told him, "I trust her…completely."

"What am I?" Derek said, "I've had more experience with kids…"

"You," Jenna said, "are clueless…Mer has more sense about this…and she's the one I'm trusting with my baby," then she smoothed it over a bit, "and I'm trusting you will help her," she said, and somehow she sensed, even before Meredith has asked, that the bonding between her daughter and her godparents had been fated long before.

"I'm not sure," Derek told her, "that's reassuring."

"I'm trusting you with my baby…she has not spent a night away from my presence…ever," Jenna told him, and he saw the tears in her eyes, and as the siblings gaze met, they knew it was the first of many times she would entrust her precious child to their care.

The bassinet was placed right next to Meredith's side of the bed and Jenna changed and dressed the baby before she hugged and kissed her daughter repeatedly and put her down to sleep. "You'll hear her whimper just a bit," Jenna told Meredith, "and she may cry…it depends…but don't worry about it, it's ok…you already know if the hands or thumb make it to her mouth she's about ready to eat, and once you feed her and burp her, you'll want to change her and then…just hold her for a little while…she'll take the pacifier and she'll go right to sleep for at least four hours. When she wakes up in the morning…just bring her to us…and you can go back to sleep."

"I think we can manage," Meredith said, " go get some rest," she met her sister in law's glimmering eyes, "I'm going to take care of her…just as if she were my own…"

"I know you will," Jenna said and gave her daughter one more kiss goodnight.

Derek wrapped his arms around his wife's waist, his chin on the crook of her neck as they watched the sleeping baby. "I love you."

"I love you too," she said as she wrapped his arms tighter around her.

"Meredith," he whispered, "are you ok?"

"I'm perfect," she said, "right at this moment everything is just perfect…can you feel it Derek…the sense of peacefulness around us…Kerry Beatrice…a beautiful blessing in our life. I told your Mother, I believe she has a baby angel…watching over her…I believe she's watching over her right now…"

"Our baby," Derek said, "her cousin's angel…"

"Yes," Meredith said.

"I can feel it," Derek said, "the peacefulness of it all," and he hugged her to him before turning her to face him and kissing her softly, tenderly, as they sealed, yet once more, the commitment of their love for a lifetime.

Meredith was up before Kerry's first whimper and stood over the bassinet smiling as the baby's routine was executed perfectly, one tiny fist against the mouth, a little whimper, a little louder one...almost like a soft whine…then the thumb in the mouth…and the tiny suckling motion of her mouth, and she picked her up and held her close to her, and sat back against the headboard and waited for her to open her eyes and try to focus in the barely lit room, "hey baby…I'm not supposed to talk to you too much…just feed you…and then we can get you back to sleep," the baby snuggled closer to her, the little mouth open and turning to her breast, and this time, it didn't feel as though a million pins were pricking at her heart, and she smiled in anticipation of the day she'd have her own baby at her breast, "we have a bottle for you Kerry Beatrice, that's such a beautiful name…and it suits you," she said, as she settled the baby and placed the bottle in her mouth, and she smiled as the baby latched on to the nipple and drank.

"Mer," Derek mumbled, "you ok?"

"Feeding Kerry," she whispered.

Derek immediately became alert, and marveled at the sight of his wife feeding their goddaughter, and offered a silent prayer, _"God, thank you…for helping her to heal…for giving us this opportunity to have a baby in our lives…and not feel the pain of our loss…for allowing us to feel the hope that we will have our own. Hey, Dad…this little one…Kerry Beatrice…she's a beauty…a true dark Irish…like you…she has your hair and eyes…and dad…I don't know how it works up there…where you are…but I'm trusting Meredith's dream, that you are watching our little one," and he swore he heard his father's voice... "I am…we are…" and then Derek continued his silent conversation as he turned on his side and watched over the woman he adored. "Dad, if Ellis is there…I hope she knows her daughter is truly extraordinary…" and again his father's voice penetrated his mind, "she knows…"and then, "daddy…I love you lots and lots," and he felt the sting of tears._

"Derek…are you ok?" Meredith asked.

"I am…" he said, "because I have you in my life…"

"Do not," she said, as she sniffled, "make me cry," and he leaned over the sleeping seven year old and kissed his wife's lone tear away.

"I adore you Meredith," he said.

"So do I," she smiled at him, and turned to the baby, "yes little one, we love you too."

Derek burped the baby and began to feed her, but she was fussy and Meredith took her back and she settled against her godmother and ate.

"She is already spoiled," Derek teased quietly, "and has her preference…"

"She's just a baby," Meredith told him, "and I have boobs…like her Mommy…I understand they prefer to snuggle that way…"

"I'm sure they do," Derek teased her.

"You can't do that," Meredith said, "when I'm holding a baby," she smiled.

"Because…" Derek taunted.

"It's inappropriate…"

"Really," he said, "inappropriate…"

"Be quiet…" she giggled.

The baby was fed, burped and changed and when Meredith watched over her for fifteen minutes and was certain she was safe and sound, turned to her husband.

"Derek," she whispered, as she reached for his hand and entwined their fingers, "you know what…"

"What?"

"I think Kat was taking bets that we'd have a roaring night…"

"I believe that sounds like my sister…she practically issued a challenge," he whispered.

"Care to…" Meredith smiled.

"A quickie…" Derek grinned.

"A shower quickie…" she smiled, and jumped out of bed, and he followed quickly.

"Mer…" he said, as the warm water continued flowing, "we've become silent experts…"

"We have," she said breathlessly, and pressed her lips together to keep from crying out as she felt the first thrust as he joined their bodies, and then he would silence her moans with his mouth as they repeatedly reached fulfillment, the running water the only witness to their silent sounds of ecstasy.

"I could kill you," she giggled, "for getting my hair wet…now I have to use the dryer."

"It's not my fault," he turned on the dryer so she could dry her hair, though she'd insisted in throwing on her bathrobe as soon as they got out of the shower and first went to check on the baby. "That you are …shit…wait…" he said, and turned of the dryer, there was a gentle knock on the door, and he knew who it was.

"Emma, sweetie," Derek said, "what are you doing up?"

The little girl rubbed her eyes, "there was a noise…like Mommy's hair dryer…and it woke me up…and now I got to go to the bathroom," she said.

"Ok," he said, relieved that they were both dressed in pajamas.

"Uncle Derek," the little girl asked, "why are you in the bathroom with Aunt Meredith, it's the middle of the night?"

"Why don't you go to the bathroom," he said, and pulled Meredith out.

"We are dead," Meredith started to ramble, "she will never trust me again…she leaves the baby with me and I'm having sex…in the bathroom…Derek…she's never…"

"She knows we would have sex," Derek told her, "she said as much," he reminded her of Jenna's comment earlier, "and you now Kathleen bet on it…and hell…Mer…you checked on the baby…and she's fine…and we weren't in there…but …well…it wasn't long."

"I'm going back to sleep now," Emma told them. "Will you cuddle with me?"

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith said, "I'll be right there, as soon as I dry my hair," and went to the bathroom and shut the door behind her.

"Aunt Meredith," the little girl cuddled into her as soon as she got in bed, "why was your hair wet?"

"Kerry woke up," Derek said, "and when Aunt Meredith fed her, she got spit all over her hair…so she got in the shower and washed her hair."

"That's funny," Emma said, "cause Aunt Jenna said Kerry hardly ever spits up," and she cuddled back into Meredith, and went to sleep.

"You are dead," Meredith mouthed, "why can't you just shut up?"

Sunday morning dawned and two little ones joined their aunt and uncle in bed, and it was seven in the morning when Jenna walked through the door that was ajar and smiled, as she saw three little girls sleeping on the middle of the bed in between her brother and sister in law, with Meghan clinging to Meredith, while her newborn daughter was blissfully sleeping in her bassinet.

"Aunt Jenna," Emma said in a whisper, "Kerry is a really good baby…she sleeps through everything." Meredith had opened her eyes immediately when Jenna had walked in the room, and their eyes had met and smiled, "except she spit up all over Aunt Meredith's hair."

"She spit up," Jenna went on full mother alert, "she never spits up…" and looked at Meredith who covered her eyes with her hand and shook her head. "Emma," Jenna sat on the edge of the bed and removed Meredith's hand from her face, and said with amusement, "why do you think she did that?"

"Uncle Derek told me," Emma said, "cause I woke up cause of the noise."

Jenna's eyes were wide open as she said to Meredith, "you didn't…" and Meredith shook her head again.

"Uncle Derek told me Aunt Meredith's hair was wet cause after Kerry ate, she got burped and she spit up on her hair so she had to wash it and she had to dry her hair, so the noise woke me, just like Mommy's hair dryer is really loud."

Jenna smiled at Meredith, "did she spit up a lot?"

"About as much as you are imagining," Meredith said as she rolled her eyes.

"Did she sleep all night?" She looked down at her daughter.

"She woke up around one thirty and I fed her, she took about thirty minutes, and I burped her and changed her…and watched her for about 15 minutes you know make sure she was ok and no spit up or anything…and she was sleeping quietly…"

"And…she slept through the night," Jenna asked.

"I checked on her…almost every hour…"

"You didn't have to do that, Mer…once she has that feeding she's good for at least four hours…longer today…"

"I know…but…you trusted me with her…so I wanted to make sure…every hour…I was up…and checking on her…"

"I would trust you again," Jenna squeezed her hand gently.

"I'm sorry," Meredith mouthed to her.

"Whatever for?"

"You know…"

"Mer…" Jenna hugged her and whispered, "I took on Kathleen's bet…and Rob and I are very good…at being silent…when we have kids in our room…"

"Oh God…" Meredith buried her face in her hands.

"Don't be an idiot," Jenna said.

"Aunt Jenna," Emma who was following the conversation closely told her, "that's not a nice word."

"No sweetie it's not…but we're just kidding…"

"Is Uncle Rob cooking breakfast," Emma asked, "he makes the best pancakes."

"Yes, I'm sure he will, but not for a couple hours, are you hungry?"

"Yes," Emma told her.

"Why don't you go to the kitchen and get some cereal from the counter, I know you like to eat it without milk or there are donuts."

"Ok," the little girl said and got out of bed and went to the kitchen.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said again, "I did not neglect the baby…I swear…we weren't in the shower long…"

"Meredith," Jenna stopped her, "I already knew that would happen, and you don't have to watch over the baby every single second. I expected you would sleep, just as I do…so the fact that you and my brother…" she smiled, "had s-e-x," she said and pointed to her sleeping daughters, "just in case…that was expected by all of us…"

"At least," Meredith said, "did you have a good night sleep?"

"I fell asleep the minute my head hit the pillow and slept till just a few minute ago. Thanks again for offering to watch Kerry last night."

"You're really not mad," Meredith said.

"I'm jealous," Jenna smiled. "She's sound asleep, I'm going to check on Emma, make sure she eats something now, and I'll come get her."

Kerry woke as soon as her mother walked out and Meredith lifted her from the bassinet and kissed her good morning, "hello little one, you must be starving," she spoke softly, and probably wet…so let's get you ready for when Mommy comes back," and she changed her and snuggled her and brought her back to bed with her, and Derek woke to the sight of his wife and goddaughter staring into each other's eyes, and his heart once again knew joy.

"Did she just wake up?"

"Few minutes ago," Meredith smiled at him, he popped a breath mint, "and I just changed her and she's waiting for her mommy to come and feed her.

"She slept through the night?"

"She did," Meredith told him, "I didn't…I was up every hour…make sure she was ok."

"Why didn't you wake me," he said.

"No sense two of us losing sleep…" she smiled, and they both sat against the headboard, and he leaned in to kiss her, and she handed him the baby, and it was at that moment Jenna stood at the door and walked away and got her camera, and captured a beautiful moment between them, as they glanced lovingly at her daughter while her two other little ones slept between them. The photo would grace Meredith and Derek's home as one of their many family favorites.

Meredith smiled as she leaned back into her husband's arms watching her brother in law cook pancakes and genuinely have fun with the giggling little girls sitting in front of him on the three bar stools, while she held Kerry in her arms.

"Ok…I think we're ready," he said and looked over at his wife at the table, and winked, "we have a bunny…for Emma, a bear for Katie…"

"Daddy," Meghan said excitedly, "I be the piglet…cause of Kerry…she can't have one."

"Hard to remember," Derek said to his sister, "the race car driver."

"I know," she smiled, "gave up the fast life…and now makes pancake cutouts for his daughters and niece."

"And," Derek smiled at his sister, "adores my little sister."

"I cannot imagine," Jenna got teary eyed, "my life…without him."

"Like us," Derek nuzzled Meredith's neck, "the love of my life."

"You two have got to be," Jenna sniffled, "the two sappiest Shepherds..."

"We're kind of the only Shepherds," Derek pointed out, "since all of you are technically not…Shepherds anymore."

"Like hell we're not," Jenna told him, and her daughter turned toward her voice.

"Mommy," Meghan said, "that's not a nice word…Aunt Pat would be really mad."

"I'm sorry sweetie," Jenna looked at her brother and Meredith, "please don't tell her."

"Secrets are not good Mommy," Katie told her, "we learned that in school…"

"You're right, Katie I will tell Aunt Pat that I'm sorry."

"Ok, Mommy," Katie said. "Daddy…make Mommy's…" the three girls giggled.

"I don't think Mommy wants a cut out for pancakes…"

"Please Daddy…it's so cute…" Meghan said, and her father obliged.

"Oh Daddy…" Katie said, "it's adorable…"

"God help him," Jenna mumbled, "if he makes an elephant," and Meredith and Derek laughed.

"Mommy…mommy…look…" Meghan called out to her, and Jenna walked up to the counter. "It's a mommy penguin…cause of you…walked like a penguin before my baby sister was born…"

"It's very cute…thanks honey," Jenna kissed her husband, and he whispered, "I'm not stupid, I wouldn't make an elephant," and she laughed delightedly. "You heard?"

"I heard," he kissed her back.

"It's the same everywhere…" Emma said dramatically, "everybody always kissing."

"Uncle D and Aunty M…kissed in bed this morning…cause I see them," Meghan said, "when I opened my eyes…they was kissing and smiling at my baby sister."

"Yes," Jenna said, "they were…and I've got proof…"

"You what?" Derek said.

"Relax… it's an adorable photo…I took when I walked by…" and she showed them, and they agreed that it was.

"Uncle Rob," Emma told him, "you should make two more penguins…one for Mommy and Aunt Meredith."

"Why?" Rob asked instinctively.

"Cause, Aunt Jenna got a penguin cause she had a baby…and I want my mommy to have another baby…"

"Yes Daddy," Katie chimed in, "and for Aunt Merdith cause she needs to have a baby cause she doesn't have one."

"Why…" Rob mumbled, "do I ask these things…"

"Honey," Jenna put hear arm around him, "it's ok…it's not your fault…it's contagious being around Derek."

"You're calling me a brainless…mor…"

"No honey," Jenna teased, "just brainless," and he laughed and kissed her.

"Oh no," they heard from the kitchen doorway, "not here too," Amanda said, "Mommy and Daddy were kissing in the kitchen this morning."

The chaos had only just begun, and Meredith smiled, this had become her family, and she couldn't wait till the day their own kids made the same comments, in their kitchen overlooking the beautiful view from their cliff.

They were all enjoying dessert after lunch; the kids spread out throughout the house, the older ones in charge of the little ones, allowing grown up time and conversation.

"Shep," Kevin commented, "I understand…you may like being a hairdresser," and Derek choked on the coffee he was drinking, as the rest of their family laughed.

"Meredith," Maggie joked, "promise me…before you have kids…you'll agree to take the younger girls…all five of them for a week…see if it clicks for him…that they tell everything."

"Not only that," Nancy teased, "they tell each other everything…and according to Rebecca…if you and Meredith ever stay over…it must be because we have a new baby…and let me tell you…if that happens…you are getting the older ones for the summer…while I only take care of the little one."

"Nancy," Mike said, "are you seriously considering we should have another kid?"

"Relax," she joked, "I'm just making sure I'm not like Maggie…remember the last time we said no more kids…I got two in a row, so I'm not tempting fate like she is…"

"I'm not tempting fate," Maggie said, "are we honey…" she turned to John.

"Not at all," John caressed her shoulder, "and we don't even have to be silent about it," he joked as her siblings and in laws exchanged smiles with each other.

"Ok," Mike said, "time to settle the bets…"

"Big mouth," Kathleen joked with her brother in law, "I was going to do it…"

"Time's running out," Mike told her, "they have to leave for the airport by 4:30, latest."

"We don't know what you're talking about," Meredith said, and felt Derek's breath on her neck and smiled.

"We can always call Emma in here," Kevin joked, "and have her tell us why she thinks Uncle Derek may like to be a hairdresser."

"Ass," Meredith mouthed to him, but ruined the effect by smiling.

"What was the bet…exactly?" Derek asked.

"If Meredith could make the lion roar," Kathleen said, "in silence…"

"Who won?" Meredith asked.

"We don't know," Jenna laughed, "Ma…you have the…"

"Mom bet on this…again…" Derek asked incredulously.

"Let's see," Carolyn walked in with a handful of papers, and began to open them one by one and separate into two piles, yes and no; "well," Carolyn smiled, "it looks like nobody's a winner."

"Mom," Kathleen said, "that's impossible…we all bet…that…"

"Yes," Carolyn said, "you all bet…yes…all 9 of us…bet the same way…so technically nobody wins…"

"Or," Mike said, "we pull the money together and split it nine ways…"

"I have a better idea," Maggie said, "do like Mark did…everybody pays up their gambling debt…and we start the East coast allowance reserve."

"That's well over seven hundred dollars," Carolyn added quickly.

"That's ok," Mike said, "there's six more grandkids…it should be for them."

"I agree," Maggie smiled.

"Of course you do," Nancy teased her, "you have two of them…"

"Not yet," Maggie smiled, "but who knows," she agreed, once again surprising her family.

"I think it's a great idea," Meredith smiled. "Derek, we'll have some of the kids allowances covered."

"I guess," Carolyn said, "that should teach you all not to bet."

"Are you kidding," Mike joked, "Ma…half the fun was putting them on the spot."

"Dear," Carolyn joked back, "I don't think your bets had anything to do with the outcome. They'd decided long before how they'd spend the evening."

"On that note," Derek said, "Mer…I'm going to get our things together. We need to leave here in two hours exactly, and it will take that long to talk to the kids a few minutes."

"I can do it," she started to get up.

"It won't take me long," he said, and kissed the top of her head.

"Mer," Jenna said, "the baby will want to eat around three…I thought you might want to feed her and spend the time with her."

"Yes," Meredith told her, as three of the women exchanged smiles, "I'd like that a lot."

The hour flew by quickly as they spent time with the kids and then she followed Jenna to the nursery and changed the baby into one of the outfits of organic cotton she'd bought and had already been washed, then Jenna left her in the nursery, and walked to her room when suddenly she heard Meredith's voice and knew she was unaware there was a baby monitor in the room, and she sat on the bed unable to move.

"Kerry Beatrice," Meredith said, "you know, I never would have thought of that name, but I am so glad I had a chance to pick it, because…oh…here's your Uncle Derek…it made us happy to pick it because when we heard it, we knew it was true…and it fit you perfectly…you do bring joy to everyone but for us especially…because we were very sad…baby, we were going to have a baby, she would have been your cousin…and just a few weeks younger, but…she wasn't able to stay with us…and that made us very sad…but we know she's a little angel, because…there was a little girl…that was very sick…the very same day we lost her…and she told us of the little angel that visited her…and she told us her name was Brianna…just like your little cousin…and you see…even though we don't have her…we were able to have you…and be your godparents…and we love you so much…and one day…we hope you have other little cousins to play with…and you can come visit us…and be the older cousin, but not be too bossy…"

"Meredith," Jenna heard Derek say softly, the tenderness in his voice unmistakable, "don't cry…please…not any more," he said, and Jenna could only let her own silent tears continue to fall.

Meredith continued to talk, and as she did, Jenna brought a hand to her mouth and began to cry, and that was how her mother found her.

"Jenna," Carolyn said, as she closed the door behind her, "sweetheart, what's wrong…"

"Mom," Jenna said in between crying breaths, "she…Mom…she…"

"What are you talking about, Jenna, you're worrying me…"

"Listen…" she said, "Meredith …Mom…she lost a baby…"

"Derek," Meredith said, her voice laced with tears, "they're happy tears…I swear they are…I'm not sad anymore…and she's helped…she has…so much Derek…to have been here this weekend and hold this precious little one…it helps Derek…it does…"

"I love you," he said, and there was a moment of silence, as he kissed her lips softly.

"I love you too," she said, "you have no idea how much…don't ever let me forget it."

"You won't," he said, and leaned in to kiss her again.

Carolyn took a deep breath and listened, "well, you already heard part of the story…and one day…when you're old enough to understand…maybe I can tell you that I knew from the moment I held you that you would always have your very own angel watching over you…she's your little cousin…her name was Brianna…and I have to tell your Mommy…one day…but not now…because it was all about you…and waiting to welcome you…without anything but happiness…no sadness at all…only the joy of you coming into her life and ours…"

"Mom," Jenna turned to her, a bit accusingly, "you knew…you knew…and didn't stop me…all the times…Mom…it had to be heartbreaking for her…how I went on and on…oh my God…the baby shower…that's why you kept insisting…I have to talk to them, before they leave," she started to get up, and Carolyn stopped her.

"No," Carolyn said, "you have to let her tell you…when she's ready…she did not want you to know…she made us promise her you would not know…she wanted nothing to bring sadness as you waited for the baby's birth…that was her wish…and she was adamant…so now, you will let her enjoy those moments with her godchild, and know that you have given her a gift…a gift that helped her begin to heal her sadness from the moment you took her hand and she felt the baby move, and you trusted her to be the godmother…you will let her tell you when she is ready…not before…"

"Mom…she's…how can she be this strong…I don't think I could do it…"

"She had your brother," Carolyn said simply. "They had each other."

Meredith finished feeding the baby and gave her to Derek to burp, and then they both sat at the window seat, Derek with his back against the cushions as he put his arms round Meredith and the baby, and they marveled at the tiny miracle in her arms, and the healing power of their goddaughter's presence in their lives.

"We have to go," Derek whispered.

"I know," said, and held the baby closer, "hey little one…we love you very much…and we'll see you in just a few weeks…for your baptism."

"Meredith," Carolyn walked in with Jenna, "Derek…it's getting late."

"We're ready," he said, and helped Meredith to her feet, "though we hate to leave."

"You'll be back soon," Carolyn said, and met Jenna's gaze in warning.

"We're going to miss you," Meredith said, "Kerry Beatrice…be a good girl for your Mommy…and know that we love you very much…and I'll still talk to you every night…if you keep your Mommy up…"

Jenna had tears in her eyes and nodded.

"Jenni," Derek said, as he lifted her chin, "don't you dare cry…you'll have Meredith crying…and snoring on the way back…and they already threatened to ban us last time…" he attempted to joke, to no avail, as both his wife and sister openly cried as they said goodbye.

"Mom," Meredith said once they were alone, "thank you," she hugged her. "I couldn't have done this without you, knowing you were there every moment."

"I love you sweetheart, and I'm so proud of you," she too became sentimental, as she kissed them both goodbye. "Travel safely and God bless you both, call me the minute you are home, even if it's one in the morning."

They spent a few more minutes with the rest of the family and she turned to Jenna one more time, and kissed the baby, "you have no idea…how much it means to me…that you trusted me with this precious baby…last night…and to be her godmother…I won't ever let you down."

"I know," Jenna held back her tears, "there's no one else I'd want…she has the most amazing and beautiful godmother…inside and out…just like you told Meggie."

"Ok," Derek said, "you two…we're going to be back in three weeks," and reached for Meredith's hand and pulled her along to the car and they waved before driving away.

The flight was over seven hours, much longer traveling west, and it was close to midnight by the time they got home, showered and got in bed.

"Derek," Meredith said, as she lay in his arms, her head resting on his chest, "are you asleep already?"

"No," he kissed her temple, and shifted their bodies, so they faced each other, "what's on your mind," he asked, their hands reaching for the other's as they entwined, "you've been quiet since we left."

"I slept the whole way," she smiled, "couldn't very well talk…"

"Mer…"

"I'm ok," she leaned in to him, and brushed his lips. "Thank you for believing me that I could handle it; seeing the baby…being with her…"

"You were wonderful…and I know you were happy…in spite of…the sadness…"

"I am happy," Meredith told him, "she was our answered prayer…a precious tiny miracle…that gives me hope…and faith that one day we will have our own…"

"We will…" he kissed her tenderly, "your dream will come true," he caressed her face gently, "Meredith…we will see our dreams fulfilled."

"Derek," she said, "not right now…but soon," she bridged the distance between them, their faces barely inches apart and she smiled, "maybe in just a few months. I want to try. I want a baby."

_A/N ** I found this to be absolutely adorable, and very fitting when I saw the tiny bear. Can't list a website here, but it's under samantha dolls with the dot com following it, and the Doll is Adora newborn # 20684 with black hair._


	213. Chapter 213

_A/N 14 April - Apologies for the alert generated for Ch 214 on this site. I removed it, as it was an author's note that I decided to include in the next chapter which will be posted on the weekend and that way eliminate the perception that there was a new chapter. Thank you, Jasmin_

_A/N 12 April - Thanks so much to each of you reading and commenting. I intended for this to be one longer chapter, but since I don't know how much time I will have over the next week to write, decided to go ahead and post this first part. _

_Last chapter, I mentioned Jenna finding out about Mer's miscarriage was not supposed to happen just yet, however, Meredith's voice overruled my outline and the trip to meet their godchild happened. Then, as I began to write the last scene where they got ready to go home, Jenna overhearing Meredith talk to the baby and the revelation about their loss would not be silenced, and that led to another scene in my mind that was not anticipated, hence this chapter which was totally unplanned. But, I was not quite ready to move on to the next one…the baptism, and felt there needed to be one in between. It also seems unrealistic that all of Meredith's "dark & twisty" thoughts and years of her mother's emotional detachment would have her whole & healed with just a few months of therapy. _

_Trust me when I tell you nothing will ever get in between Meredith & Derek's relationship again, in fact, as you will see in the second part, this chapter in my eyes completely will redeem McDreamy as he demonstrates all he is willing to do to nurture and take care of the love of his life, and his reaction to a bit of a misunderstanding…and well meaning actions on Jenna's part will bring out the fierce and protective husband…it's very momentary…I promise, and resolved within the next chapter, and it is the reason for the way this first part is set up…and for the conversation between Meredith & Maggie._

_The chapter part one & two are also a reflection of not leaving lose ends or dropping comments…as this paragraph was stated in an earlier chapter: __Meredith and Derek had managed to overcome, or at the very least deal with, most of the issues that had precipitated their last and final breakup. However, years of doubts and insecurities were not easily forgotten, and old patterns of behavior and survival based on avoidance would at times make an unwelcome appearance._

_I Found You * Song MD end scene 6x19_

_How my feet want to jump up_

_Push me high to the sky_

_I found you_

_How my heart is beaming like the sun,_

_And the moon, and the stars beyond_

_I found you _

_**Ch 198 – Dark & twisties PT 1 ... **__**A bit of a very momentary emotional regression…**_

Meredith heard the familiar snark and smiled. "What was it this time," Cristina plopped herself down on the small couch in the resident's lounge late Monday morning and peeled a banana, "you have the I got sexed to my heart's content look…please don't tell me you resorted to dirty sex in the lavatory…"

"What is it with all of you," Meredith attempted to be serious, "and the obsession with our sex life?"

"Ah…we're not getting any? Except Barbie and Evil Spawn."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded, though she couldn't help but continue to smile.

"Did you?" Cristina said again.

"Did I what?"

"Have dirty sex in the lavatory."

"No," Meredith laughed, "that is so cliché…and they are very unsanitary."

"Mer…you have that mcdreamied look."

"We had sex," Meredith told her friend, "all weekend and this morning."

"Bitch," Cristina said as she ate the last of a banana and tossed the peel away with one perfect throw into the nearby garbage can.

"You asked…" Meredith told her.

"You can lie. Not rub it in," her friend said, and both ended up laughing as Meredith told her about the betting that took place at Jenna's. "You're so predictable," Cristina told her, "getting just like old boring married couples."

"I can assure you," Meredith told her, "there is nothing predictable…or boring about…"

"Ok," Cristina stopped her. "That's all I can handle. How's Mama Shep?"

"She's fine, she insisted I try to convince you and Lexie and Mark to fly out for the baptism, I'm sure you could…if you …"

"Mer," Cristina said, "this is me, who thinks babies are toxic and they've got a herd of them. I don't think I could handle it."

"Babies are not toxic," Meredith argued, "and they are not a herd…" she finished her eyes sparkling.

"Mer, what is going on?" Cristina said, "you've got that…soft mushy and sentimental ..."

"Look," Meredith responded as she held the blackberry screen and scrolled through the photos, "isn't she beautiful?"

"It's a baby…they all look the same."

"They do not and she is not an it," Meredith argued, "I can show you the difference, let's go to the nursery."

"Mer…" Cristina smiled at her friend, a soft understanding smile, reserved for very few, before she stated, "you were ok…going home…being with a baby…you really were."

"I was," Meredith met her friend's gaze, and Cristina Yang knew she was. "It's hard to describe…Kerry grabbed hold of my finger and," she smiled, though Cristina saw the sentimental glitter of tears, "they really do Cristina…and she seems to recognize or at least she likes my voice," she smiled as she looked at the image of Derek holding her, "and I fell completely in love with her."

"And…" Cristina said, "with McDreamy, all over again, if that's even possible since the two of you are already…"

"I did…he's been wonderful Cristina."

"I know," her friend admitted, "he's pretty much earned that name back almost completely."

"He already has," Meredith told her. "Completely, in my eyes."

"I'm holding out," Cristina said, "you know…just in case I have to kick his ass."

"You won't," Meredith said without any trace of doubts.

"And," Cristina said, as she looked at a photo of two little girls kissing the baby's cheeks, "these are the two other munchkins…"

"Meggie and Katie," Meredith smiled, "I'm kind of in love with them too…"

"I can tell," Cristina said, and waited for her person to finish her thoughts.

Meredith looked at her friend and said unexpectedly, "I told Derek I wanted a baby."

Cristina did not react, and became lost in her thoughts momentarily; wondering how Meredith could be so certain about such a life changing circumstance and tried to understand, and knew her friend would never experience the certainty she herself accepted about not wanting to have kids.

"Aren't you going to say anything?" Meredith asked when she was met with silence.

"Are you already pregnant?"

"No. Of course not…why would you even think that?"

"You're acting all…teary eyed and…sentimental."

"Cristina," Meredith smiled, "I told him last night."

"You're serious about this."

"I am."

"You think you'll feel the same way in few weeks. When you're thousands of miles away from the Waltons?"

"You know about the Waltons?" Meredith raised an eyebrow.

"Syndication," Cristina replied. "Needed mindless noise to study sometimes."

"You should come with us," Meredith told her. "You'd like his family."

"Mer…you want that, I don't…"

"I've never had that Cristina, and it's a good feeling to have that support system. Don't get me wrong they argue and fight and it's crazy sometimes with so many people around…but…it's …I'm glad…happy I have that now. You'd get a kick out of it."

"I don't think so…" Cristina insisted, "not cut out for it."

"What if I told you," Meredith said quietly. "I'd like to have my family there too…"

"I'm sure Lexie would go…"

"You, I'm talking about you. You became my family first. It was just the two of us."

"You're sure," Cristina exchanged an intense look with her friend, "you're not already pregnant?"

"I'm sure," Meredith told her, "it will be months before that is even a possibility."

"Mer," Cristina said, "the way the two of you carry on and the way Shepherd genes reproduce like bunnies…you'll be pregnant before you know it…if that's what you really want."

"It is what I want. I want to have a child with Derek. But, this is me remember…and it's baby steps…" she smiled, "no pun intended. Telling him I wanted to try…but not for a few months…I just wanted him to know, that I was ok after the trip home. Being with the baby…it was hard," Meredith paused, "a little sad…at first…but, we got to name her…her middle name," Meredith said and went on to share part of the trip and how she felt with her person; in spite of a rocky start as a result of surgical jealousies, Cristina was the first person she'd allowed to see an intimate glimpse of dark and twisty Meredith and instinctively believed she would and could be someone she could trust; believed it was someone that would not walk away, and that was a lesson she was still learning to accept, one that in the days to follow would bring unexpected, though momentary, emotional heartache as she struggled to understand that years of past abandonment did not have to dictate, nor were they a reflection of future familial relationships.

Derek smiled as he walked to his office late Monday afternoon and saw the text message:

-miss you all tied up

-you miss me being tied up, must be thinking of someone else

-smartass

-you haven't tied me up – EVER

-where are you?

-way to my office, you?

-on way to yours have 5 min

"Hey," Derek smiled as she walked in, the fact she'd rushed to get there evident in her breathing, "tell me about this fetish of yours and tying me…" he teased her.

Meredith ignored him and simply kissed him hard, "I've missed you today."

"Me too…" he said, as they lost themselves in a kiss.

"I got spoiled," she said, once they'd pulled away, and she playfully bit his earlobe, "spending all weekend with you."

"Uhmmm…" he responded with a trail of kisses of his own.

"We won't get to spend another two days together for a while…I'm off Wednesday and Thursday, and then I have my 48 hr shift till Sunday morning."

"I know," he said, "and by the time you get home, you'll be exhausted and want to sleep for twenty four hours."

"Do you think," she asked him, with a glint in her eyes, "we're becoming an old boring married couple?"

"It that what has you thinking about tying me up," he grinned at her suggestively.

"I told Cristina about the latest bet and she said we were getting predictable like old boring married couples," she told him, as she wrapped her arms around his neck and leaned back slightly, smiling, letting him know she thought nothing of the sort.

"I take it…" he kissed her, "you didn't tell her about this morning's wake up call."

"Not in detail," she giggled, "but just to shut her up told her we'd had sex all weekend and this morning and that we were having a baby," and felt him go completely rigid.

"You…told her…" he paused, mesmerized as he looked at her, "you…we're having a baby…Meredith…"

"Derek," Meredith said, "we talked about it…last night."

"You're not…I mean…you're not pregnant now?"

"That's what she asked me," Meredith stared at him, "Derek…don't you think I'd tell you if I was pregnant?"

"You could tell her first…it's been known to happen."

"Ass," she told him, and bit his lip lightly.

"What…you tell her everything… sometimes a lot more than you tell me…"

"Not anymore," she met his gaze, "it's been a long time since I tell her things before I tell my husband."

"That's true," he said, and then laughed nervously, "sorry…Mer…suddenly I wondered if maybe…"

"I'm not," Meredith said, "but thinking about it…wanting to try…soon… that's…"

"Progress," he smiled, quoting her comment months before, "baby steps," he smiled, "huge baby steps…"

"That's what I told her," Meredith smiled, "baby steps…"

"I love you," he told her as he wrapped his arms around her and nuzzled her neck.

"I love you too," she whispered, "now I have to go…I only had five minutes."

"I'll see you at home," he kissed her and both had a smile on their faces as they went on to handle their next assignment.

Meredith had just changed out of her scrubs and about ready to leave the hospital when her phone vibrated and she smiled expecting it would be Jenna.

"Maggie," Meredith answered, "this is a surprise you calling this late at your end."

"I know, it's almost ten and I'm just now driving home from Jenna's, I wanted to see the baby before we left, they change so quickly and well I wanted to see the girls and her too, but we're going to be gone two weeks and I have a million things to do still and only a few hours in the morning but I wanted to talk to you…since we didn't have too much time while you were here and now…"

"Maggie," Meredith interrupted her, "you're rambling…a lot…where are you going for two weeks?"

"Dubai and Abu Dhabi, actually Abu Dhabi first…then Dubai, that's where John needs to spend most of the time and…"

"Dubai…as in the Arab Emirates…the Middle East…for two weeks? What about the baptism are you going to be gone?"

"We'll be back for Thanksgiving, and it just came up, and I've never done this before just take off for two weeks at the spur of the moment and leave my boys behind, but John wants me with him and Mer it's been so long since it's just been the two of us…and I had to make sure everything was taken care of here so I could go, and luckily…"

"Maggie," Meredith smiled, "how about…starting from the beginning…why are you going to the Middle East for two weeks, or why is John going? When did you find out, you didn't say anything."

"Ok," Maggie said taking a deep breath, "you're right…I should tell the story in order."

"Yeah," Meredith laughed, "that would help."

"You know," Maggie said, "you shouldn't make fun of me…your rambles, I hear are quite legendary."

"So I've heard," Meredith laughed.

"Meredith," Maggie was smiling, "before I tell you what's going on…it was great to see you this weekend, but don't think next time you're here you can hog Kerry all the time…you only got away with it this time since Jenna insisted you stay there. But I expect to spend some time with you and Derek too…you can't play favorites," she joked.

"How can you resist that beautiful little piglet," Meredith joked. "Maggie she's adorable how content she is just eating and being nosy."

"I can't resist her," Maggie laughed, "and she is nosy just like her Mommy and aunts…"

"I haven't talked to Jenna since I left," Meredith said, "and she hasn't uploaded the photos so I can access them."

"That's strange," Maggie said, "she mentioned she was doing that on Sunday night while Kerry kept her up, but truthfully I haven't paid attention since I've been running around like a maniac since you left."

"Maggie, I'm half way home," Meredith joked, "and I still don't know why you're going away for two weeks."

"Right after you and Derek left, John got a call he was going to have to spend at least ten days in Dubai, which is no big deal, he's had to do that before, but they're having some major issues that haven't been resolved and a meeting's been called for all VP's for three days in Abu Dhabi, so we'll go straight there and then the rest of the time in their head office in Dubai…"

"And you're excited about spending two weeks in the hot desert …and likely have to cover yourself from head to toe…"

"Meredith, they're a little more progressive," Maggie said, then sighed softly. "Mer, we haven't known each other long, but…sometimes, it feels right to talk and be open with someone that doesn't know your past…and makes no judgments…and…" her sister in law was quiet.

"Maggie," Meredith said, "it means a lot to me…that you feel you can talk to me."

"Mom and my sisters, except Jenna, they …well, we'll talk some other time, but now, I'm just excited that I'm going away with my husband for two weeks just the two of us…and it feels just like when we first fell in love," she said and grew quiet for a second, before she said, "and it's such an incredible feeling…again…"

"Maggie," Meredith said softly, realizing her sister in law was crying. "Are you ok?"

"I'm sorry," his sister admitted, "it's…we came so close…to losing it all…"

"Maggie," Meredith said, "I'm sorry…I didn't know…"

"Derek knows…most of it," Maggie told her.

"Oh…" was all Meredith could say.

Maggie surprised her by laughing, "you know Mer…after the rambles we're capable of…that doesn't seem like you're very interested in what I've had to say…"

"What…Maggie…no, of course not…that's not it…at all," her tone became serious, wanting desperately to convince Maggie, "but I didn't know what to say or how to respond but of course I'm interested and it means a lot to me that you'd want to talk to me and tell me how you feel, Maggie I'm not used to family…I'm not and I think my crappy childhood and being all dark and twisty has something to do…"

"Meredith," Maggie said surprised by how serious her sister in law had become, "I believe you, I was just kidding, we're not always so serious."

"Sorry," Meredith said, "I'm not used to that…with families."

"Get used to it," Maggie told her, "I heard about my brother's first non-proposal…"

Meredith laughed this time, her reaction a little lighter, "Kathleen told you about that?"

"No, Kevin did," Maggie said and they both laughed. "Mer, it's not just his sisters that are nosey but their husbands too...so you better get used to us, since we fully expect you around for the next fifty years."

"I can't believe he told you that," Meredith said.

"Are you kidding," Maggie said dramatically, "we were waiting for them the minute they got back from Venice. Nancy cooked since she had their kids, even though we all took turns helping out."

"You were at Nancy's…when they got back…"

"She's not so bad," Maggie said, "once you get to know her…"

"I didn't mean it like that," Meredith said, "she's been …I told her, I've put our first meeting behind us."

"Don't get me wrong," Maggie said, "she can be a bitch…but she really cares Mer, about all of us…and she didn't fly out there to make trouble, she really was worried about Derek."

"Maggie, I know that," Meredith told her, "and I'm glad that he has a family that really cares about him."

"You're part of that family now too," Maggie told her. "Just wait, when you have kids and want to go away on vacation you have a built in support system, just like I have right now, even though the boys are older. Mer, the minute I told Kathleen I really wanted to go with John she didn't hesitate for one second, even though this week she has her hands full and has to help out with Nancy's kids, and Jen's a gem and she offered…but realistically she won't be able to help much with Kerry so little."

"Why does Kat have Nancy's kids?"

"This is the week she's presenting in two different conferences…"

"That's right," Meredith said, "she told me, she's going to be in London and Berlin, all within seven days."

"She usually does that," Maggie explained, "so it's just one trip, but the timing was horrible since Kat's got to keep an eye on her kids; which she doesn't mind, she's been gone several times this year too and since she got to attend your wedding we're all holding it over her head…"

"You're what…" Meredith said, "it's not her fault, it was Derek's."

"Mer," Maggie said, "I'm kidding…you have to learn to decipher that, and we like to tease her, but we all know she was the one sister that needed to be there, and you two have made up for it by being here twice already."

"Maggie," Meredith asked, as pulled in their driveway, "you saw Jenna earlier, is everything ok? I haven't heard from her at all."

"Jane wasn't there today so she had the three girls and Kerry's favorite time of day continues to be the middle of the night, so I know she was up with her for a couple hours last night before she settled down, but I'm sure you'll be getting a phone call tonight, that baby really does love to hear your voice Meredith."

"She's the first baby I've really been around and she's amazing. I'm totally in love with her."

"They all are," Maggie said, "wait till you have your own, you're in love with them from the moment you find out…at least I was, except for the morning sickness, but Meredith, when you see them for the first time…the first sonogram," there was a melancholy to her voice, "the heartbeat…the first time you feel the baby move…"

"Maggie," Meredith said softly, "are you sure…you're not pregnant? You're very sentimental when you talk about it," and wondered if that's the way she'd sounded earlier when both Derek and Cristina had asked her the same thing.

"No," Maggie said, "I'm sure…it's just…for the first time in years I'm thinking about the possibility of trying for another baby. I'd given up on that…years ago."

"If you can trust Aunt Pat's intuition," she said as she got out of the car and walked to her front door.

"I don't want to get my hopes up," Maggie admitted to her, "you know dreams aren't always…"

"Maggie," Meredith said, "I've learned…sometimes we just have to allow ourselves to dream…not to allow doubts and limitations…"

"You really believe that…"

"I do," Meredith told her, as she fidgeted with the key and the lock, "your brother, he made me believe…and Maggie, we almost…almost lost it all too…"

"Oh…" Maggie was quiet, "Meredith…I did not mean to…"

"Hey," Meredith said, "no apologies, you said it; we have a lot of years to catch up."

"Meredith," Maggie said, "I just pulled up to the house, and I've got a million things to do…but it was great talking to you…it was really important to me and I was right…will you tell Derek I love him…and I'll see him in a few weeks…"

"Why don't you tell him yourself," Meredith said, "I'm just walking in the kitchen."

"Ok," Maggie said, "that will be good…Mer…I'll email you…I'll probably have time…but this…talking to you…thank you for just listening."

"I expect you will do the same," Meredith joked, "when I have to rant and rave about your brainless brother."

"Hey," Derek said as she smiled at him, "I haven't done anything…"

"No," Meredith giggled, "but I'm sure you will," and handed her phone to him, and the brother and sister spoke for several minutes and when he disconnected wrapped his arms around his wife.

"She sounds happy," Derek said, "I haven't heard her sound this carefree in a long time."

"I told her I wasn't sure I'd be excited about two weeks in the desert heat," Meredith told him, though she did not feel she should reveal the rest of the conversation, "but she is."

"Kat's going to have her hands full," he said, "and Jenna's not going to be able to help out too much, so it will be just Kat & Mom with a ton of kids."

"Have you heard from her?" Meredith asked.

"Kat or Mom?"

"Jenna," Meredith said, trying to dismiss the feeling that something wasn't right. Her feelings or rather her instincts, she'd learn to trust as the years went by, were right. The next several days would severely test the growth she'd experienced in the last seven months of her marriage to Derek, as years of emotional abandonment and insecurities were not easily forgotten or overcome in a matter of months, and well intended and misunderstood actions gave way for the familiar dark twisty expectations to overshadow the emotional progress that would regrettably be manifested by a wall of emotional regression.

"No," Derek said as he nuzzled her neck, "but…why are we talking about my sisters…"

"What would you like to talk about," she said, and her teeth gently bit, then her mouth lingered on his neck.

"How I'm supposed to show my face around the hospital tomorrow," he chuckled, "you're leaving love marks all over…"

"You're mine," she teased, "to brand as I wish…"

"Really…branding…" he teased back, "does that go along with tying me up…"

"There may be some handcuffs involved," she said without altering her tone.

"What…" he pulled her away from him and stared at her, "seriously…"

"You ass," she smacked him. "I don't have those…don't you think you'd know…"

"We could," he looked at her suggestively, while his hands roamed her body before settling on her buttocks as they smiled at each other.

"Should we come back later," Izzie said in her usually chirpy voice, "or can I get something out of the fridge…"

"Stevens," Derek said, "leave us alone now…"

"Iz," they heard Alex's voice, "changed my mind…I'd go for whipped cream…oh," he paused as he smirked at Meredith and Derek, "don't mind us, we're just looking for…"

"Whipped cream," Derek said, "sorry we already used it all up …"

"Derek," Meredith laughed, "we did not. Don't leave you two, we were going to have dinner, whatever dinner is and Derek always gets enough for leftovers, you can join us."

"No, they can't," Derek said sounding like a petulant child. "I planned dinner for the two of us only."

"But you bought enough for leftovers," she brushed his lips, "I'm sure of it."

"Way to kill our evening," Derek muttered.

"I promise," she wrapped her arms around him, "it hasn't…I'll make it up to you…"

"Mer," Izzie said, "really it's ok…Alex and I will order a pizza for later…"

"Don't bother," Derek grumbled, "that's what we're having. Make yourself useful Karev, grab the bottle of wine from the counter and uncork it, get two more wine glasses."

"You got pizza," Meredith smiled at him, "nothing healthy."

"Your favorite dish too," he said mentioning the name of their favorite Italian restaurant, "but figured you'd want pizza in the morning."

"I love you," Meredith smiled at him, "you know that…right?"

"Yes," he said and kissed her hard on the mouth, "you owe me."

"Gladly," she smiled and then helped set the table with Izzie, and they had a pleasant dinner, that actually made him glad they'd walked in and he smiled at the conversation between them, as Meredith showed off pictures of their trip on her blackberry.

"Mer," Izzie went on, "she's just precious…she really is…and that picture of her next to the doll, she's beautiful…she looks like a little doll herself."

"She does," Meredith agreed, "and her sisters…all the kids really are really cute, but I'm finding myself totally attached to the little ones…can you believe it Iz, even all dark and twisty me…"

"Yeah," Izzie told her, "you always had it in you Mer…you mother all of us. Even if you don't realize it."

"I don't," Meredith told her, surprised her friend would say that.

"Yeah," Alex said, as he munched on a slice of pizza, "you kind of do."

"Haven't kicked them out yet," Derek said, "that's got to mean something, it's like having kids graduate from college move back in and never leave."

"Derek," she said, "I don't act like their mother."

"Just a mother hen," Alex gave her a small smile, "you could have kicked us out."

"You're my family…" Meredith said softly, "you've all been there for me…"

"That," Derek said, "is why you are still here."

Alex smirked, "thanks…Dad…" and the four of them laughed and enjoyed the impromptu and unexpected dinner, and Izzie insisted she and Alex would clean up.

"Did I…" Meredith said breathlessly hours later, "make it up to you…live up…to your expectations…"

"Mer…" he said equally breathless as he lay back against the pillows, his arm raised over his head, "if…you'd done…any more…I'd be dead…"

"Just," she smiled as shifted her body and turned on her side, "making sure…"

"No…" he smiled, "traces of old boring married couples…"

"None at all," she said as she quickly straddled him, "want to join me…in the shower?"

"You're looking for a sex slave," he teased, cupping the back of her head and pulling her in to meet his lips, "to wash your hair, cause that's all I may be capable of…"

"I think," she smiled as his tongue teased hers, and she felt his arousal, "you'll definitely rise to the occasion…"

"You think," he chuckled.

"I know," she said as she deepened their kiss once again, and it was as many other nights, a prelude to a night of passion.

"I'm really I'm beginning to wonder," he teased her, as he held the hair dryer for her, "if you only keep me around to dry your hair."

"Jerk," she giggled, and turned to kiss him.

"You usually do this in the morning," his lips teased hers.

"I know," she told him, "but Jenna usually calls me between ten and midnight, which means I'll only get five hours of sleep or so…"

"Oh…I get it," he said, "Godchild trumps husband…and quickies in the morning…"

"Washing my hair now," she smiled, "guarantees we have time for a morning quickie," she said, and they teased and joked with one another before they made their way to bed for the night; neither aware how Jenna's extended silence would affect Meredith's emotions, and how Derek's need to protect her would serve to once more strengthen their relationship and help Meredith believe he would do whatever was necessary for their dreams to be fulfilled.


	214. Chapter 214

_A/N 19 April - Accidents, I was once told after a very serious one, most often than not, are a series of incidents, which individually, under normal circumstances, would have no consequences, but when you put a string of those together, it's a whole different matter. Hope you bear with me through this chapter…a series of misunderstandings, that for some reason, I felt I should write; I guess, my own unexpected dark & twisties. The only explanation, is that I really wanted to see Derek (since we have not seen him do this on Grey's), care only about Meredith's well being…her happiness …and drop everything to make things right for her. Hope it makes sense to you after you read this chapter, where I wanted to put to rest so many old patterns of behavior; appropriately, this chapter surpasses one million words, a concept I had not truly comprehended when I began this story over two years ago._

_Thank you for your patience support and continued enthusiasm for this story. To each of you that so kindly takes the time to comment, the chapters that follow…as dreams begin to unfold…are written for you. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 198 – Dark & twisties PT 2 of 3 **_

_**A bit of an emotional and very temporary regression…**_

Meredith and Derek had returned to Seattle Sunday evening, and it was now late Tuesday morning, without any communication from Jenna. Meredith had tried to dismiss her feelings of disappointment and inadequacies, but too many years of dark twisty expectations and conditioning did not disappear overnight.

"I know you didn't lose your best friend," Cristina said as she plopped down on the coach in front of Meredith in the resident's lounge, "or person or whatever…so what the hell's wrong with you?"

"Nothing. I'm fine."

"Mer," Cristina said, "this is me. Your person…friend…family," she used the last to describe what Meredith had said the day before. "Do I have to kick his ass?"

"No," Meredith argued, "it's nothing…"

"Right," Cristina said sarcastically, "like it meant nothing when he kissed the nurse."

"Why," Meredith said, and surprised Cristina by the tears that quickly gathered, "must you always to that? Do you enjoy kicking me when I'm down," she told her friend, without even attempting to disguise what she was feeling.

"Meredith," Cristina said and reached to pull her up from the couch, "come with me."

"What are you doing?" Meredith crossed her arms.

"You have been acting all sentimental and teary eyed. I'm drawing blood. You have to be pregnant."

"I am not pregnant," Meredith glared at her.

"Really, and you know this why? You could be and you think you need to tell him first, so you wouldn't tell me. So yeah we're drawing blood, even if we have to use my name…so nobody knows…that should set tongues wagging."

Cristina," Meredith laughed suddenly, "you just rambled. You never ramble."

"I've never been in this situation before. You pregnant and …"

"Derek said the same thing," Meredith smiled, about you finding out first."

"Mer, something is wrong…I know there is."

"Maybe…" Meredith admitted.

"What?"

"His sister," Meredith said quietly, "I think she's changed her mind…about…"

The conversation was cut off as at that moment their pagers went off 9-1-1

It would be hours before they had a break, and it was Derek who caught up with his wife toward the late afternoon while she was at the nurse's station completing some charts. "Hey," he placed his hand on her shoulder and frowned before he offered a gentle massage, "you're very tense."

"Feels like a horribly long day, and I still have to be here till seven," she answered, "just want to go home."

"I've barely had a chance to see you today," he whispered against her ear.

"Yeah…" she answered absently and a bit too distant for his comfort.

"Mer," Derek said quietly, "you ok?"

"Yes," she turned and smiled at him; a smile that did not reach her eyes, "just tired."

"You have two days off to get some rest," he smiled at her.

"I may sleep through most of it," she told him.

"Feel free," he teased her, "while at slave away…"

"Slave away," she smiled at him, "at Seattle Grace…the McDreamy that has all the nurses ready to be at his beck and call…"

"My wife gets jealous," he said playfully.

"Yeah," she told him as she met his gaze, "she does."

"There's no reason," he held her gaze, "ever…for you to feel that way…you're the only woman I want and love…"

"I know," she said softly, and he couldn't quite place what seemed to be so off with her.

"You'll talk to me…later tonight," he whispered, "please…"

"Yes," she answered, as she reached for his hand and squeezed gently, hating to see the concern in his eyes, and then they both turned as their attention was drawn to the nearby commotion about to take place in the somewhat private office behind the nurse's station.

"Lisette," AmyLynn said, "he has grown so much in just a week…a few days really…"

"He does nothing but eat and sleep, and thankfully my husband is great about having night duty, he gets up with him and changes diapers and brings him to me to be fed only."

"You're lucky," AmyLynn said, "my husband was useless, offered no support at all…the only good things he contributed to our marriage were the kids…thankfully he's an ex now."

"The divorce is final?" Lisette said, "You didn't tell me."

"It was the same day you were admitted, before you were sent home, there were more important things going on," AmyLynn told her.

"We should say hello," Meredith told him.

"Meredith…"

"I'm ok," she smiled at him and pulled him along with her.

"Lisette," they heard Tracy's voice, "he is adorable...aren't you baby," she cooed.

"I agree," the proud mother smiled, "now fill me in on the gossip around here."

"You mean," Tracy joked, "Amy's week long celebration."

"AmyLynn," Derek spoke up, "you're been holding out on us…week long celebration about what?"

"Tracy just has a big mouth," AmyLynn shot a warning look at her.

"Don't give me that look," Tracy said, "hey…I'm not the one who said anything. Mark did, so blame him for…"

"Makes sense," Lisette laughed, "we need Dr. Sloan here to fill me in…"

"Lisette," Meredith said as she stood near, "the baby is so precious, he already looks different, and look at all that hair…but it's so light you almost don't realize it…"

"My daughter was the same way," Lisette smiled down at her son, "even though my husband has dark hair, my Dutch roots are dominant," she said proudly, "which is only fair since I'm the one that has to go through nine months of pregnancy and then labor," she said in a joking tone and then stopped herself, sensitive to Meredith's feelings.

"I think that is fair as well," Meredith told her, and wanting to reassure everyone that had been so supportive commented, "I think when Derek and I have kids, it will be very fair for them to take a little more after me instead of…"

"Did I hear the mention of a bald Shepherd baby," Mark said as he joined the group, "will never live that down…hell, that's almost a good thing to bet on."

"You," Meredith turned to him, "are skating on thin ice…"

"Why," Mark smirked, "it would be funny. This one's cute and has no hair."

"He does too," all three women answered.

"I can't see it," Mark said.

"Look closer," Derek taunted.

"Son of a gun," Mark said, "he's full of hair you can't see."

"Dr. Sloan," Lisette said, "are you making fun of my son…"

Tracy smacked him, "hey…that hurt," Mark turned to her.

"I hope so," she shot back amused.

"Don't be so smug," Mark said, "if you had kids, they probably would be bald, since their father has no hair."

Tracy laughed, "you know he just shaved it off, you jerk."

"Yeah…what idiot does that?" Mark mumbled.

"One that is sensitive and caring," Tracy told him, referring to her recently discovered old lover who'd shaved off his hair, as well as a group of three other friends, in support of an old college friend who was going through chemo, "and you know it."

"Yeah…yeah…" Mark admitted. "Now, tell me about this little guy," Mark said, "why is he here visiting again, he was here last week and I thought you didn't have to come back."

"He was here last week," Meredith turned to Lisette, and back at the baby, and she instinctively caressed the tiny leg covered by the blanket. "Is everything ok?"

"He is fine," Lisette told her, "he was a little jaundiced when we took him home, so I brought him back when he was four days old, since that's when the bilirubin levels tend to be highest, but they were pretty much normal… I just didn't want to take any chances and brought him in again today."

"What did his doctor say?" Tracy asked.

"He's fine." Lisette told her, "levels are still a little above normal but they keep decreasing, so it's nothing to worry about…it usually takes care of itself within a couple weeks."

"I didn't know that," Meredith said, "his color looks good…don't you normally tell if…"

Lisette went on discuss the medical aspects of jaundiced as Meredith concentrated on the baby. "I asked about you, but you and Dr. Sehpered had flown back east."

"Yes," Meredith said, and Derek again detected the sadness in her eyes, "we went to meet our goddaughter, and she's just a doll, and sounds just like this little one…Lisette, you haven't said, what is his name?"

"Colin," the mom smiled proudly, as he opened his eyes.

"Hello Colin," Derek stepped closer, his hand on Meredith's back, wanting to provide her with his support, one he was truly unaware how very much she needed. "You've decided to join in on this conversation. You're a handsome boy…and it looks like you've already grown since the first time we saw you."

"Colin," Meredith said, and though unspoken, all around her were sensitive to the emotions both she and Derek must be experiencing, "you are just like Kerry, you may meet her when she comes to visit us sometimes…when you're both older…and maybe can play together…all she does is eat…I hope you're letting your Mommy sleep…"

"He likes to be up at night," Lisette told her, "especially after midnight."

"Just like Kerry," Meredith said softly, "a lot of nights my sister in law calls and we chat while she's up…it works since we have the time difference," she said, and Mark looked over at Derek's frown and knew something was going on with Meredith.

"AmyLynn," Tracy teased her friend as she cooed to the baby, "you've got that look…better be careful … what is it Karev says around here, no glove …no love."

"AmyLynn," Derek said, "didn't you just stay you've got a divorce…

"Sure did," the always frank nurse responded.

"But," Tracy's eyes twinkled, as did AmyLynn's, "she met a gorgeous hunk two days later and been celebrating ever since…"

"What…" Lisette exclaimed, "I'm home with Colin a week and you have…well…more activity then…when you were still…"

"Taking advantage of every possible…" Mark said, "moment…if last night was any indication…"

"You are just jealous," AmyLynn gave it right back to Mark, "since Tracy's found her true love again and Hahn's," she paused, "what can we say about Hahn."

"That she's a bitch," Cristina Yang's voice suddenly made them all turn around as she stood in the doorframe.

"Cristina," Meredith turned to her and her voice had a hint of reprimand.

"What," Cristina said, "it's true. Sloan's lucky he lost that bet," and everyone laughed good naturedly.

"I bet," Tracy turned to her friend and ex lover, "if she'd given Mark a chance…she'd never have considered any other …"

"You know," Cristina addressed Tracy, though she usually wasn't one to socialize much, she liked these nurses, especially as they had all rallied around Meredith when she and Derek had broken up and as he began to redeemed himself, and later over the loss of the pregnancy; the real reason she was there now, "that's a very nice thing for you to say."

"It's true," she winked at Mark, "it's her loss."

"Yeah," Cristina mumbled, "tell that to Torres…"

"Lisette," Meredith said, "you should stop them, these conversations are highly inappropriate around Colin," she said as the baby followed her voice and turned his head again toward his mother's laughter.

"Dr. Grey," Lisette said as she laughed, "he's too small to understand…"

"Still Lisette, around my mother in law's house…we have to keep it all G-rated," she said and smoothed out the baby's blanket, just as he began to whimper. "Colin," Meredith spoke softly to the baby, "these people are making too much noise aren't they…"

"He needs to learn about life," Mark told her, "what better teachers than doctors," he said. "For example," he had a smirk on his face, as he taunted, "I can teach him how to avoid being branded…just like Grey did here on Dr. Shepherd's neck," and Derek wanted to kill him, but kept it light in view of Meredith's response.

"He's just jealous Colin," Meredith spoke to him, "and we're not letting him corrupt you."

"Excuse me," an older nurse walked over, "I don't believe we get paid to socialize, part of the reason nurses get a bad wrap…and interns need to be…"

"We are very much aware of that," Tracy retorted, "and we are not required to work after our shifts are over. Perhaps you …"

"Nurse," Mark interrupted her and looked at the woman's name tag. "Jones, you should think before speaking in the future, especially when you have nurses and interns talking with attendings."

"I don't believe," the woman responded in demeaning tone, "anyone in the hospital is paid to socialize."

AmyLynn chimed in, "I'll be a bit more blunt. Whatever the reason for having a stick up your ass, don't bring the attitude to this floor. We won't stand for it…"

"I'll have you know, I'm assigned to this floor for the next six weeks, and I expect not to have to carry everyone's work load."

"Not for long," Tracy mumbled and turned to Mark, "wait till I talk to Debbie."

"Nurse Jones," Derek spoke, "we are having a private conversation, and as these ladies said they are off duty at this point," he said and the woman turned around and walked away.

"Who in the world is she?" Lisette asked, and the baby did begin to whimper, so she lifted him from the infant car seat and snuggled him.

"A bitch," Cristina said, "we have enough with Debbie."

"That we do," AmyLynn said, and laughed, "better a known bitch than a new one."

The group spoke for a few more minutes, until the baby's whimpering got louder and Lisette left with him to be fed before her husband picked her up. But, before she left, smiled at AmyLynn. "Hey…keep me posted on your Dale Earnhardt Jr.," and both old friends chuckled.

"Who is Dale Earnhardt? Cristina smirked.

"Her new toy…" Tracy said, "he actually looks like her dream lover," and AmyLynn endured the good natured teasing for the next several minutes.

"Mer," Cristina said as her friend and Derek walked toward the corridor, "I came to look for you, you didn't answer my text."

"What's going on?" Meredith asked.

"We want you to have dinner with us tonight…like old times," she met Derek's gaze. "It's been a while…and with you being way…we thought, the four us… it would be nice."

"What is wrong with you," Meredith said, "this is the second conversation we have that you ramble."

"Nothing," Cristina told her, "figured you'd be more agreeable if the style was familiar to you…unlike me dragging you with us."

Meredith shook her hand, "not tonight Cris, I'm tired…and...wait," she said and Derek saw the momentary light in her eyes. But, he didn't know she'd seen the area code, and hoped it was Jenna when the number displayed; all the cell numbers for his sisters were recorded on her phone, but only Carolyn's home was, so what he'd seen was the momentary flash of anticipation to hear about their goddaughter.

"Oh, hi Mom," Meredith said, and Derek fixed his gaze on hers before his pager went off.

"Mer," Derek said, "say hello for me, I have to go. I may be late," he said as he began to walk away, "Cristina's right, have dinner with them tonight, I'll see you at home."

"Tell her I say hello too…" Cristina said.

"Mom," Meredith turned to Cristina, "I'm going to put Cristina on the phone since she's interrupting me like Derek was," and placed the phone in her friend's hand.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said before ending the conversation, "your son already told her to have dinner with us, maybe if you tell her she'll listen," and as she handed the phone back to Meredith told her, "see you at Joe's. Don't make us come looking for you."

"Meredith dear," Carolyn shepherd said, "is everything all right…you didn't sound like yourself when you answered the phone."

"Everything is ok, what about you? Maggie called me last night, she was very excited about her trip, but that means you'll have your hands full."

"She was, and we'll manage, but I'm getting old," Carolyn told her, "don't tell anyone I admitted to that, but these kids today are just full of energy. I offered to have Nancy's kids at home, after all I did raise five kids, but Meredith," she confided, making Meredith feel just a little better that all was still right with his Mother, "I'm glad the girls resisted, it's not the same having five kids between eight and sixteen at my age, but that's our secret."

"I'm sure you're involved, in fact Maggie said there's one night you have kitchen duty."

"Oh yes," Carolyn smiled, "with that crazy nun at the school," she said and made Meredith laugh, "she's turning it into a cooking lesson tomorrow night and they all have an assignment, even the little ones."

"Jenna's letting the girls out her sight for cooking lessons," Meredith commented.

"Meggie is so excited, since they get to be in the big kitchen at school that Jenna's planning on being there. We'll see if she gets any sleep tonight, Kerry was very determined not to sleep last night and kept her up. I told her she needed to figure out if she'd changed any of her routine the last couple nights," but she was unaware of the unexpected rift between the two young women.

Meredith remained quiet. She wasn't quite sure why Jenna wasn't calling her, and did not want to upset Carolyn with her doubts and insecurities. "It's normal," Meredith tried to sound unaffected, "right, for babies to be that way…stay up..."

"Oh yes," Carolyn said, "she's actually been lucky she'd been sleeping four hours straight already," and they continued to talk for several more minutes. "I wanted to make sure I called you today, I've missed you sweetheart, and the next few days will get crazier for me, but I remembered you're supposed to be off a couple days during the week, call me if you have time," and Meredith disconnected the phone without her mother in law realizing how her comment about Kerry's sleeping habits would affect her.

"You made it," Cristina said hours later at Joe's while the original five sat around a table.

"Yeah," Meredith sat at the stool next to her.

"Hey Meredith," Joe said, "it's good to see you around here, what can I get you?"

"Thanks Joe. Tequila. Two shots."

"Two shots, Dude, what did he do?"

"Stop it Alex," Meredith said, "I'm not in the mood, and he didn't do anything."

"Not what it sounded like last night," Alex smirked.

"Alex," Izzie said, "I swear you better shut up."

"It's true," he said before taking a drink from the beer mug.

"Ever heard of if you have nothing nice to say," George said, "don't say anything at all."

"Don't believe in it," Alex said.

"Ass," George told him.

"Listen dude, I'm not the one whose wife became a lesbian, so I'd keep my trap…"

"Ok, stop," Meredith said. "I didn't come here to hear the two of you bickering like teenagers…"

"Mer…" Izzie said, "you know that's not going to change."

"Well it should," Meredith said absently, then gulped down the first shot of tequila, and missed the looks exchanged amongst the four friends.

"Come on guys," Izzie pulled on Alex's arm, having the foresight to leave Meredith and Cristina to talk. "I'm going to kick both your asses at the dart board."

"Yeah," Alex said, as his hand rested on her butt, "what's the prize?"

"Mer," Cristina said when her friend reached for the second shot glass and stopped her, "are you sure you're not pregnant?"

"What is it with you…I already told you that I'm not."

"I know, but you've been kind of all over the place since you got back."

"I'm tired and cranky, that's all."

"You didn't think you were pregnant before," Cristina pointed out. "I'm just saying. You have to take care of yourself…but if you are…even more so."

"I'm not." Meredith told her quietly. "If I thought for one second I could be, I wouldn't be drinking."

"What's wrong then?" Cristina insisted.

"Nothing," Meredith told her.

"Mer," Cristina said, "nothing means huge problems…"

"Not this time," Meredith turned to her friend with a slight smile, "really…just…I'm being stupid."

"Probably," Cristina said, "and I'm smarter, so I can usually help."

"Bitch," Meredith shook her head.

"Hey," Cristina retorted, "I'm hard core and have a reputation to live up to, especially if I'm going to visit the Waltons, and I have to come to your rescue with McBitchy."

"You're going to come…really?" Meredith asked, a small part of her was glad she'd have her person there to face the rest of his family. It was one thing to have been accepted by all his sisters, or so she'd thought; she allowed the seeds of doubts to take root.

"I'm thinking about it," Cristina told her. "Mama Shep is tenacious."

"I'd like that, if you were there," Meredith said quietly. "You know, have someone on my side."

"Mer," Cristina frowned, "the Walton sisters are all on your side."

"Yeah…" she said, hesitating but finally deciding to share her thoughts about Jenna. "Do you think, after we were there and she got to know me better, Jenna decided to keep someone who's all dark and twisty away from her baby?

"This means a lot to you." Cristina stated.

"Yeah it does," Meredith said quietly. "You have no idea Cristina, what it was like. Losing a baby I never imagined I'd have, but that I loved anyway…and then…this baby and Kelly, it was as though they were put in our path…my path…and have helped me heal…and Derek and I are closer than ever before, but I can't tell him about my doubts…I don't want him to realize dark and twisty Meredith is back."

"Dark and twisty Meredith isn't back," Cristina told her, "and it looks like I'm going to have to kick another Shepherd's ass."

"Cristina," Meredith rolled her eyes, finding a bit of comfort in the familiarity of her friend's reaction.

"Mer," Cristina said, "all kidding aside. The woman just gave birth, she could be all over the place because of hormones and a crying baby that keeps her up at night…maybe you should call her."

"What? Are you kidding? She doesn't want to talk to me."

"You're making assumptions. From everything you said, the two of you get along. You were carrying on about how she trusted you with her baby all night, it doesn't make sense."

"Maybe you're right."

"Usually," Cristina said smugly.

"Thanks," Meredith let her head rest on her person's shoulder.

"Now," Cristina said as she brought the glass to her lips, "talk to Shepherd, he's worried about you."

"He told you that?"

"I can see it."

"You like him," Meredith smiled at her.

"Our truce is holding steady."

Alex beat both George and Izzie, though she teased she was the grand prize for him anyway, and the usual camaraderie among the five was restored.

Derek had wanted to wait up for his wife, but he'd had to go back and perform a second surgery on a patient hat had taken longer than expected, and by the time he got home at nearly ten o'clock he could barely keep his eyes open, so when Meredith walked in their bedroom, his head was slightly tilted toward her side of the bed, the journal he was reading laying on top of the bedding.

Meredith startled him when she sat at the edge of the bed, "hey, I'm turning the lights out; you need to get some sleep."

"I wasn't sleeping," he protested and quickly sat up.

"Just because you don't snore," she teased lightly, "doesn't mean you weren't sleeping."

"I was waiting for you," he told her.

"I know," she leaned in and brushed his lips.

"You ok," he said, detecting the slight smell of tequila.

Meredith kissed his lips quickly, avoiding an answer. "I'm going to take a quick shower. You don't have to wait up for me," she said, "I can see you're tired," and he didn't respond, but got up from the bed and went downstairs and was back in bed when she slipped in beside him and they both lay on their sides facing each other.

"You waited up," she said as she reached to entwine their hands.

"I couldn't very well fall asleep," he smiled at her, attempting to tease her, "when you replaced me with tequila this evening. I told you…it's no good for you…doesn't write…doesn't…"

"How long have you been waiting to use that line again," she leaned in closer to him.

"It fits…" he rested his forehead against hers.

"Never ever…" she kissed his lips, "you're irreplaceable."

"Oh yeah…" he kissed her lightly.

"I love you Derek," she told him, her hand cradling the back of his head, her fingers threaded through his hair.

"I love you too," he said, "but something's making you sad…and I want to understand."

"Do you remember, in Venice, when we talked about my mother …her last day….me drowning…"

This was not good, for her to be thinking this way and he was furious with his sister, yet something didn't quite make sense, "yes."

"We said no secrets…that we'd tell each other how we felt…even when it was painful we promised each other. I'm not ready to talk about it," she told him, which surprised him; he thought it would be much harder to get her to admit it. "But, I will…just give me a little time…ok..."

"I can help you…"

"You are…just hold me…tonight…just hold me."

"Whatever you need," he said tenderly.

"You," she said, "I need you," and she wrapped her arms around him. "Just hold me."

"For as long as you need…" he said, "and don't forget…I need you too," and he spoke tender soothing words until he felt her body relax, and before long both succumbed to much needed sleep.

Derek left early in the morning and didn't wake her, choosing to let her get some rest, he kissed the back of her neck softly before getting out of bed, and she instinctively settled against him, but he knew she wouldn't wake up.

Meredith woke late in the morning, determined to address the issues that were bothering her with her sister in law, and unaware she'd soon lose her resolve, placed a call that remained unanswered, and she simply left a voice mail.

"Jenna, it's Meredith," she hesitated, "I'm off the next couple days… I wanted to know how you and Kerry are…and the girls…I know things are probably really hectic, but if you're not too busy call me."

Meredith ran the errands typical of a day off, including dropping off and picking up dry cleaning, caught up with their laundry, and then in the middle of the afternoon called Derek and got his voice mail too, so she opted for texting, though it too would be a while before he replied.

-I'm on the ferry. I'd like to spend tonight at the trailer. Hope you don't mind.

The wind felt cold against her face as she leaned over the railing, phone in hand, clearly expecting some form of communication as she quickly answered the incoming call.

"I barely heard one ring," she heard her sister in law's voice. "But then again, that could be due to the loud heard of animals I have with me," Kathleen said, and Meredith heard giggles in the background.

"Hi Kat," Meredith smiled, genuinely pleased to hear her voice. "I was going to call you later; Maggie told me about the eight kids you have this week."

"She was so excited about this trip, there was no way I could say no, and Mom wanted to take the kids, but it's hard enough for me, we can't put her through all of that."

"I spoke with her yesterday," Meredith said, "she told me about the cooking class."

"Oh yes, we're on our way there now, Mer hold on," she said, and Meredith heard her raise her voice to her son and nephews. "Boys stop fighting with the girls."

"But Mom…Aunt Kat, they're just being stupid."

"Live with it," Kathleen answered, "they probably think the same thing about you."

"You'd think," Kathleen told Meredith, "it would be just the boys…but even the girls are fighting…and don't kill me…but the peace offering was that I'd bring them all with me to Seattle…"

"Kathleen," Meredith said very quietly, "how many kids exactly are we talking about?"

"Relax," Kathleen laughed, "it's only four girls…"

"Only four girls," Meredith giggled, feeling a weight had lifted off her shoulders, the girls still wanted to spend time with her, maybe Cristina was right, and Jenna was feeling all hormonal, and she certainly had experienced that, as brief as it was, "which ones…"

"Jennifer doesn't count," Kathleen told her, "she's a sweetheart…and she's listening to me, she's in the front seat, and if it wasn't for her helping out with her sisters, I don't know what'd I'd be doing. Ok," she called out again, "boys…forget practice tomorrow, I'm telling Kevin you're on time out …"

"Mom," her fifteen year old Logan said, "we're too old for time out."

"Not when you're acting like two year olds, stop bugging your sister and your cousins."

"Kathleen," Meredith said, "how many kids do you have with you?"

"I lost count, why?"

"You don't have a van," Meredith said.

"I have the Church's van. Both Kevin and I are listed drivers. We donated it and asked that we be able to borrow it from time to time, if it was not being used for their activities."

"Makes sense," Meredith said.

"Especially," Kathleen told her, "since a lot of the activities involve Maloney grandchildren, so Aunt Pat gets a lot of use out of it."

"She would," Meredith said. "I missed seeing her on this last trip."

"Get ready for your next visit, she's hell bent on you not being overwhelmed by the rest of the family, so between her and Mom, they are going to smother you with mothering."

"I think I can handle that," Meredith said with a smile on her face, she's never thought to ever feel that way, but Derek's family, and these two women in particular had shown more tenderness and been more motherly toward her, in that short time they had been in her life, than Ellis had during her entire life.

"Mer," Kathleen said, "I just got here and I need to have a talk with these kids before we get there, but we haven't had a chance to talk since you were here, which I'm glad we at least got to spend some time together on our walk…but as soon as Nancy gets back we'll catch up."

"Kat," Meredith said before they disconnected, "before you go, is everything ok with Jenna? I haven't talked to her since we got home."

"Other than Kerry keeping her up the last three nights, I think all is normal at this stage of a newborn at home," Kathleen told her.

"Oh…" Meredith said quietly. Both Carolyn and Kathleen had mentioned Kerry being up all night; maybe Jenna really didn't want to talk to her.

"Meredith," Kathleen said, her voice becoming very quiet, the trained psychiatrist combined with older sister role hearing the understated nuances of doubts. "What is wrong? What aren't you saying?"

"Nothing," Meredith said.

"Meredith, hold on just a second," Kathleen said and turned to the kids and lectured them as her sister in law listened and then told Jennifer and the older ones to watch over the smaller ones till she joined them.

"Kathleen, go with the kids…"

"The kids are fine, you're not. What's going on? Why haven't you two talked?"

"I don't know. She usually calls when she's up with Kerry…but she hasn't…and she usually puts photos up daily…and I left her a message earlier but she hasn't called…and I don't want to bother her, I know she's busy…I guess I just got used to talking to her and listening to the baby and…it's not important…just forget I said anything."

"Meredith," Kathleen took a deep breath, "it is important…obviously very important to you. What else aren't you saying?"

"Do you do this, get into therapist …doctor mode…all the time…when you're talking to your sisters?"

"Sometimes they're driving me crazy, and then I bitch and lecture them, like Nancy does. But, when I care deeply…yes…I do…but this is your older sister talking to you," she heard the intake of breath and could picture Meredith biting her lip to keep her emotions under control.

"Kat," Meredith replied softly, "do you think…maybe…when I was there I did something wrong…and I offended Jenna or Rob…or spending all the time with them…they both got to see part of dark twisty me…and changed their mind…about me being in the baby's life…"

"Meredith," Kathleen said so tenderly Meredith's eyes filled with tears, as did her own, "honey you haven't done anything wrong…I can guarantee that…I saw you…with that baby…and all weekend, and there is nothing…nothing of dark and twisty in you…all I saw, we all did, was a loving caring godmother that was totally captivated with a precious little girl."

"You…" Meredith paused and Kathleen's image was right, she was biting her lips, "you really mean that…I didn't mess up…give them reason to change her mind…"

"No, you did not," Kathleen assured her, "and I was so proud of you and Derek…Mer the two of you have matured so much…faced this situation so amazingly well and I can see you're being open and supportive of each other, when I know how heartbreaking many of these moments have been. No, you have not done anything wrong, and I'm going to have a talk with Jenna."

Meredith's response was immediate and unequivocally adamant. "No. Kathleen, you cannot say anything to her. Whatever it is, we'll work it out. Please…don't and Derek doesn't know so don't say anything to him either."

"What do you mean Derek doesn't know, you're obviously upset about this, and I'm glad you're talking to me. But, hasn't he noticed?"

"It's not like that Kathleen. He knows, he's noticed. I told him I wasn't ready to talk about it, so I called Jenna and had hoped she'd call me back, so it wouldn't be anything to talk about…I'm not keeping it from him…just didn't want him to worry if it was some misunderstanding on my part."

"I will not say anything to her about what you've asked me. But, I am going to ask her if she's talked to you and Derek…"

"Kathleen, please…let it go."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "two of my sisters, my two youngest sisters…are upset over the same situation. I'm not going to turn the other way and let it continue."

"I shouldn't have said anything," Meredith said quietly.

"Of course you should have," Kathleen got into the motherly mode, "oh honey, I'm not reprimanding or meddling, I don't want either of you upset, and I want you to always feel that you can talk to me…I told you that the first time we met…Meredith, I won't betray your confidence…I never have."

"I know…I just don't want it to be a big deal…and she can change her mind…" she said, the all too familiar feelings of unworthiness and abandonment dictating her emotions.

"It is a big deal, because it's bothering you…and come to think of it, I am sure it is bothering her too, because she is used to talking to you every night while the baby keeps her up and if she's not sleeping that's affecting her too."

"That's what Cristina said, maybe she's all hormonal and she told me that I had not reverted to dark and twisty."

"You haven't, and I agree with Cristina, Mer…talk to Derek…don't leave him second guessing."

"I won't," Meredith assured her. "Kathleen, thank you."

"For what?"

"I'm very lucky to have an older sister."

"Listen, you're stuck with me…for life."

Meredith's conversation with Kathleen had been reassuring, but she still had her doubts about Jenna's behavior toward her, and they would only be reinforced by the end of the evening. She went on with her plans for the evening with Derek, and right after arriving at Bainbridge got a text from her husband.

-hey, been in surgery, trailer is fine. Privacy is good. Call me.

Meredith did and told him she was going to pick up dinner at the restaurant they both liked, the one they'd had dinner at during Kathleen's first trip. The Shepherd clan on both coasts was making dinner preparations at the same time.

"Jen," Kathleen approached her sister who was unusually quiet, as she watched her younger girls help with their assigned chores, "you ok?"

"Yes," Jenna turned to her sister, "this was a good idea. Get everyone together and the kids helping make it less work for you."

"I can handle eight kids," Kathleen tried to joke with her, "piece of cake."

"That's not what I heard from your daughter and nieces," Jenna said, as she watched her sister lift Kerry from her infant seat.

"I was ready to pull over and abandon them on the way here," she paused, measuring her words carefully, "lucky for them, their Aunt Meredith was on the phone and convinced me not to. She has a way of doing that," she cooed to the baby, "doesn't she Kerry, your godmother who claims to know nothing about babies and kids… really loves you and your cousins."

"She's been great with the kids," Jenna agreed absently, "it's Derek that needs lessons."

"I agree," Kathleen kissed the baby's check and then her forehead, "you're lucky little girl, aren't you?"

"She is," Jenna looked lovingly at her daughter.

"And very spoiled…keeping her godmother up every night. Told her she gets more time with her than I do," Kathleen tried to see if she would open up to her, "I barely had five minutes to talk to Mer today on the way here, and I'm her favorite sister in law..."

Jenna avoided her sister's gaze, "we haven't been able to connect."

"Mer's off today and tomorrow, I thought you talked every night."

"Not this week," Jenna said, in some ways trying to justify to herself the path she'd chosen, "they were flying Sunday night…and then Monday night Kerry was so fussy…and last night…I wasn't sure about her schedule…and we just haven't," and her eyes filled with tears.

"Jen," Kathleen became concerned, and pulled her aside, "come sit with me."

"No…I have to go help with the girls…" she wanted nothing more than to share what she was feeling with Kathleen…ask her advice, but their mother has said she had to let Meredith talk to her…share what had happened when she was ready, and she had understood, when Carolyn said she'd asked them not to say anything, she'd asked that of Carolyn and Derek, that no one else was aware of the situation.

"Jennifer is looking after them, everyone is, look over there," she pointed out where Meghan and Katie were indeed being supervised by several, including her husband Kevin who was a total push over with the little ones, "come on," she insisted and gently guided their way to sit down. "Jen, what's wrong? Do I need to worry about you…postpartum depression…is anything like that going on…honey…that can happen and if you're feeling anything like that…"

"No," Jenna interrupted her, "it's nothing like that…don't worry. I'm a doctor Kathleen, if I felt like it could be…I'd talk to you and Rob and Mom…I would, I'm just tired…and Kerry's been up the last three nights…"

"Honey," Kathleen said, "Mom mentioned Kerry was keeping you up, and she asked you about any change in Kerry's habits…and you just said you haven't talked to Meredith, don't you think that could be part of it, isn't she used to having you being calm and talking to Meredith, rather than tired and maybe cranky because she's not going back to sleep? Maybe that's part of it…"

"Maybe," Jenna said. "I'll figure it out."

"Hey little one," Kathleen decided it was best to change the subject for now, respecting Meredith's wishes, "why are you keeping Mommy up at night? You know, she's my little sister…and just like your big sisters want to take care of you, I want to take care of your Mommy…and just bet that your godmother is worried too…if she hasn't been up with you the last few nights," and she chose her words carefully, hoping to nudge her sister into talking, instead making Jenna feel guilty about not calling Meredith and realizing her sister in law was probably wondering why she hadn't called her, and as the evening wore on, decided to email her as she was not ready to talk to her; not without breaking down and sobbing.

"Kat," Jenna said, touched and emotional over her sister's concern. "I'm ok."

"We'll make sure you are," Kathleen put an arm around her and hugged her, whishing she were close to Meredith and could do the same.

Derek walked in the trailer and smiled as he saw his wife standing in front of the small stove and frowning, "hey," he wrapped his arms around her, holding a small bouquet of flowers in front of her, "penny for your thoughts."

"You got me flowers," her body relaxed into his.

"They made me think of you," he said as he kissed her neck.

"They did," she said, pleased with the gesture.

"I went past the gift shop and saw them…and thought you'd like them."

"I do…" she turned and faced him, "thank you…they're lovely and just what I needed to brighten up my day," she said without thinking.

"You didn't have a good day," he frowned.

"It's just an expression," she kissed him softly. "You're really all I need to brighten any day."

"Uhmmm…." he wasn't convinced.

"I spoke to Kathleen," she said, "did you know she and Kevin donated a van to the school, but they get to drive it…and she had all the kids with her on her way to …" she told him of their conversation, excluding the discussion about Jenna, and they spent a quiet evening relaxing in each other's company, and she fell asleep on him while watching a movie and he decided it was too early to call it a night, and she woke to the sounds of her own soft moans as her husband expertly explored her body.

"Feel free," she said as she lay in his arms, "to wake me like that all the time…but…"

"But…" he said, as his lips kissed her temple tenderly, "not a good thing."

"A very good thing," she turned her face and kissed him, "it's my turn…"

Long after, basking in the afterglow of their lovemaking, he whispered, "let's call her."

"What…are you talking about?"

"Jenna," he said, as he searched for her gaze. "I know you're upset about that, and you've been very quiet tonight, ever since I got home," he said, and Meredith's eyes filled with tears.

"She doesn't want to talk to me."

"Mer…come on…I'm sure there's some misunderstanding."

"I don't think so," Meredith said, and reached for her blackberry and scrolled to a message from Jenna, received minutes before he'd come home.

"Meredith, I heard your voice mail, but didn't have a chance to call you back. It's been very hectic with Maggie and Nancy away. The baby's been sleeping through the night, thankfully, so it's been hard to connect. We'll talk soon, I've got to go help with the cooking, Kathleen mentioned she'd talked to you on the way here. Say hi to Derek."

Derek was furious. He knew, from what Meredith had said about the conversations with his mother and sisters that Jenna was outright lying to her. "I bet," he said soothingly, "she's trying to let you get some sleep…instead of keeping you up too."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him, "don't. You don't have to protect me…I can handle it," she said, and it broke his heart that she was feeling this way, "remember…dark and twisty…you've said it yourself…they're strengths…not…" she paused, as not to break down, "not weaknesses…and I'm strong…I am…all my life…I've had to be strong," she said, and he wrapped his arms around her, and began to whisper loving words, "and now…I have you too."

"I don't know," he said, "what's going on with her…but we'll find out, and I'm sure it's a simple misunderstanding. But, there's one thing you're wrong about, I do have to protect you…from anything that hurts you…"

"I'm ok," she said and lovingly caressed his face, "I'll be ok…"

"You're not," he said tenderly, "but you will be, we'll work through whatever's going on together," he said, and a part of him worried about his sister and what was making her act this way, though his main concern was his wife.

Derek was restless all night, and was up hours before dawn, and not wanting to disturb Meredith with conversation, texted his sister with a simple message: call me. That was followed by another one: Jenna need to talk to you, on his way to the ferry at six in the morning.

The east coast had welcomed the day hours earlier, a bright shiny morning; the complete contrast of the hours ahead, where the art of miscommunication would rule.

"Jenna," Derek's voice was low and hoarse, "damn it call me. I know you've seen my messages. You lied to Meredith, what the hell is going on?"

"Oh God," his sister said out loud as she heard her brother's message, "what have I done…what do I do…what do I do," she repeated as she lay curled up in bed, and that was how her husband found her.

"Honey," Rob rushed to her side, "honey…what's wrong? Jen…talk to me," he said as he gathered her in his arms, and his wife broke down and cried.

"I can't… I can't talk to her or him…Rob, I heard her…and it was heartbreaking…and I can't imagine," she sobbed, and he had to wait till she calmed down.

"Honey, who can't you talk to…what are you talking about?"

"I can't…imagine…what I would feel like if I'd known I was pregnant…and lost our baby…and then forced to face dealing with all of us, how we go on about the baby and babies…and everyone is totally enthralled…and paying attention to the baby…"

"Jenna," Rob raised her chin to look at her, "you're not making sense…start from the beginning…please."

"Rob…can you imagine, if I was pregnant and lost the baby and then there's a little one like Kerry born…and I had to deal with our loss and she'd be a reminder…of what …"

"Jenna," he kissed her softly, "we didn't lose a baby…who did?"

"Meredith," she said, her eyes filled with tears, "she lost a baby…and she was due right around Kerry's date," she finally told him, and he dealt with another bout of tears and self recriminations about how she's behaved, but insisting she could not face talking to them without breaking down, "and…Rob, if that had happened to me, and I was supposed to have my own baby around the same time…I couldn't…I don't know how they can…how they can handle it."

"Honey, they obviously have found a way to deal with it…they didn't show any indication that there way anything wrong."

"You're wrong," she said unnecessarily angry, "so wrong…now I see it…the looks between them, oh my God, the first time when they came home…Meredith feeling the baby…and then the baby gift…she wanted to wait, and I insisted, and I remember how she looked so sad at one point and Derek… oh God…" she said, and Rob continued to calm her until she fell asleep, resolving to talk to his mother in law and discuss how to deal with the situation that was obviously affecting his wife as much as it could be affecting Meredith.

_A/N 19APR - If you've finished reading, your thoughts would be so very appreciated. The third part of this is written, but decided to post in two parts, as there was a lot going on already in this last chapter, and the last part is just a little bit longer. Part 3 is also the last chapter where Dark & Twisties manifest themselves as they have here, during the rest of this story. _


	215. Chapter 215

**_July 21, 2010 - Thanks to all still interested in reading this. I wasn't able to start writing as intended in June, but this week have started working on this again; first thing to do was read the last 20 chapters to immerse myself in these characters again. I'll have an update posted this weekend (provided...FF has no glitches. Warm regards, Jasmin_**

_June 11, 2010_

_Dear readers, it truly surprised me today when I saw the number of "clicks's today. Thank you so very much to those of you still interested. I truly have not abandoned this, but it was good to take a break from it. I had intended to get back to this earlier, but then, we had the season finale, which floored me (not in a good way) and I began writing a "therapeutic" story. It won't be long, and since chapters have been relatively short, have been able to write them in a couple hours in the evening. In regard to Mer's miscarriage on Grey's, I only hope it will be handled in the sensitive manner it deserves._

_This is the absolute busiest week of the year for me. However, I plan to post the last chapter to Heartbreaking Reverberations this weekend and then begin to write for SD and do expect to finish writing the next chapter next weekend. __Thank you again for your interest in this over the weekend. Jasmin_

_May 22, 2010 _

_Dear readers, was surprised by the number of "clicks" on this story the last couple days. As you know from my last post, I'd become rather discouraged with the reception of this story, and needed to take a break from it in order not to give in to just writing an epilgoue and being done with it. But, I felt an abroupt end would be disrespectful to readers, especially those of you that comment...and to each one of you that did on that last chapter, you really made me decide that I will finish the story I've set out to write. April to July are my most hectic work months and this year has been even worse. I also wanted to put behind PD & HR which come to an end within this next week. Next weekend, I will begin writing for Shattered Dreams again until it reaches the intended conclusion. Thank you so very much for the many reviews and very thoughtful messages I've received from you. Warm regards, Jasmin _

_April 21, 2010_

_Dear readers, last week, I wrote and posted the author's note below and immediately deleted it, since you would be expecting to read a new chapter. Deciding instead to include it within the next chapter, and yes, the chapter is found at the end of this comment._

_A/N 14 April - I debated whether to write this message, but, the work I do daily is too much a part of my life and too great a commitment not to mention it. Thus, I include this information, hoping none of you will mind, and share with you the reason I may be delayed in writing during the rest of the month. I'm proud that our organization spearheads the efforts of a Blue Ribbon campaign during the month of April in our community, and have daily presentations, sometimes twice a day to create awareness of child abuse prevention._

April is national child abuse prevention month. Creating awareness, identifying it, reporting it and providing assistance to victims and families is what I do everyday.

There is nothing more precious than the life of child; nothing more tragic than a child being abused. Become involved in any way you can, find out what is being done in your communities and speak up for all those children who are too young to speak out, or afraid of what may happen if they do.

There's NO excuse for child abuse! ® If you know or suspect a child is being abused, don't be a silent bystander: speak up, pick up the phone and report it or seek help and help prevent another incident.

**Did you know? **

Over 900,000 children are victims of child abuse annually:

Abuse is defined as any willful act or threatened act that results in any physical, mental or sexual injury or harm that causes or is likely to cause the child's physical, mental or emotional health to be significantly impaired.

•Three children die each day as a result of abuse or neglect

•No group of children is exempt. Abuse victims are 48.8% white, 22.8% African-American and 18.4% Hispanic

•41 % of deaths are children less than a year old and 85% are less than six years old. •Four out of five victims are abused by at least one of the parents

•43 % were abused only by the mother; 17% by both parents

Additionally:

•67% of sexual assault victims are 17 and under; average age is 9

•59% abused by people they trust; 93% victims know their abusers

•80% sexual abuse cases happen in one adult/one child situations

_**Get involved, don't be silent. Speak up against abuse and for those that cannot.**_

_**New chapter below.**_

_**Ch 198 – Dark & twisties PT 3**_

_**A bit of an emotional and very temporary regression…now resolved.**_

Meredith decided to spend Thursday as a quiet day, at first ignoring a call from Colleen. But, then, thought better of it, knowing the kids never failed to warm her heart, and she needed that today and thus agreed to go over for lunch.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly ran to her as soon as she walked in the door and followed the housekeeper toward the back of the house. "You gots to come and eat lunch with us," she said and Meredith bent down and hugged her before lifting her.

"I didn't have to work today," Meredith told her as the little girl wrapper her legs around her waist, but then she felt a little tornado run into her and hug her legs.

"Hi," she looked down and saw a grinning little boy looking up to her, "hi…"

"Hi Sean," she smiled at him.

"Hi…up…" the little one said and pulled on her shirt.

"Kelly, do you mind," she asked to make sure there were no jealousies, "if I put you down and pick up Sean?"

"Cause he's a baby?"

"Yes," Meredith hugged her one more time, "and he won't understand if I don't pick him up," she bent down to lift him in her arms, "and hug him too."

"Dr. Mewedith…you love my baby brother and me…I knows that…"

"Yes, sweetie, I do," she said as he immediately wrapped his chubby little arms around her neck and hugged her, and then gave her a slobbery kiss.

"I see," Colleen smiled, "my children have found you."

"They have, and I can't believe he's walking so well on his own," Meredith said, as Sean began to have a conversation with her, and his sister sat next to her while he sat on Meredith's lap and translated what he was saying. Meredith smiled at their ramblings, giving them her undivided attention while Colleen went in the kitchen and brought out their lunch, over which Meredith laughed as Sean tried to feed himself, and ultimately ended up covered with carrots, and she took a couple shots of the kids and sent them to Derek.

"T…" Sean said, and repeated as he pulled on Meredith's hair, "Mama," he called to Colleen smiling, "t…"

"Yes," Colleen said, "she's pretty…Meredith is pretty…"

"Mama…" he turned to Meredith, and kissed her cheek, "t…"

"Thank you Sean," Meredith kissed him back.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "he loves you, cause he stays with you lots and lots of time."

"I think," Colleen said quietly to Meredith, "it's time for me to take him before she starts keeping track of time, have her sit with you a while," and reached for her son, "hey baby, let's go find your bear…"

"No. No. No," he shook his head.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly sat on her lap, "my baby brother is very smart…cause he knows bear means nap time."

"No." Sean shook his head again.

"See…tolds you…" she nodded her head.

"He is very smart," she said, "just like his sister."

"I take no nap," Kelly said immediately.

"Little girls need naps," Meredith spoke to her, "and remember Dr. Shep wants you to still take naps."

"But, I'm all better."

"Yes, you are," Meredith told her, "but he wants to make sure you stay that way…and you still need to take naps."

"But today's special," Kelly argued, "cause you don't be at the hospital…and you gots to come have lunch with us."

"It is very special," Meredith ran her fingers through the little girl's dark curls, "and when I tell Dr. Shep that you were going to take a nap after I went home, that will make him very happy."

"Mommy…" Kelly turned to her mother, "I gots to take a nap?"

"Just a little while," Colleen said, "but not while Meredith is here."

"Will you stay lots and lots of time, till the sun is gone?"

Meredith had to laugh, "I will stay for a while, and I'll even read you a story," she said, and she did as Kelly sat in her bed, and then she kissed the little girl goodbye.

"Colleen, thanks for calling and for lunch, it was great to spend time with the kids."

"Anytime you're home and want to come over, just call me, the kids love spending time with you."

"I may just do that," Meredith told her, "I never thought I'd be good with kids…"

"You're wonderful with them," Colleen said.

"Maybe it's just with your kids," Meredith said, and Colleen noticed the hesitation in her voice, "the circumstances."

"Don't second guess yourself," Colleen told her, "I was there, the day you were shopping for the little ones back east, your affection and interest in them…that was genuine."

"I probably won't see them too much though," Meredith said simply.

"How was your visit? Were you ok…with the baby?"

"I fell in love with her," Meredith's eyes sparkled, "the moment I saw her and held her," she went on to talk about her godchild, and shared the pictures she'd already shown Kelly when she'd asked if the baby liked the doll she picked out for her.

"Meredith," Colleen said, "are you ok?"

"Yes," she smiled at the woman that had so unexpectedly become a friend. "A little sad," she admitted, "I may not get to see her so often."

"That's the beauty of the internet…you can keep track of her with photos at an instant."

The two women spoke for over an hour before Meredith drove home, unaware of Derek's frustration at the lack of response from Jenna. Though she had become resigned to it.

"Jenna Patricia," Derek left one more voice mail, "what is going on? I don't want to call Mom and make more of this than it is. Jen, please call me. I'm sorry I yelled before, but I'm worried about you…why you're not calling me, why you'd lie to Mer about Kerry sleeping through the night, she talked to Kat and Mom, and they both mentioned it without being aware you haven't been in touch...just call me or Mer, she's really understanding and she doesn't fly off the handle like I do…"

Jenna, however, became immersed in her own unnecessary guilt; and erroneously concluded her whining and insistence is what had precipitated their visit, and then she'd added salt to the wound by making them godparents. Total irrationality had clouded her judgment and ability to see the situation clearly; just like Meredith had become resigned to accepting that as her mother had thought her ordinary, Jenna too may have decided she wanted someone less ordinary for her baby's godmother.

Meredith got home and spent a few hours reviewing recent data on new patients undergoing treatment as in their medical trail. Then, on the spur of the moment drove to the cliff to enjoy the sunset; a spectacular view from the site that would one day be their home and sent Derek a shot.

-Wish you were here

-me too

-just out of surgery

-when will you be home

-by 7

-you really don't mind staying here

-no & great shot of Sean

-lol covered in carrots

-you had a good day?

-I did

-I love you Mer

-me too

-see you in a bit

-ok

Meredith returned home and had just finished drying her hair when she noticed the blinking red light indicating new messages on her blackberry. She smiled as she read a message from Maggie.

"_Mom, girls…you would not believe the level of luxury here. Here's the link, but if it doesn't work, it's the Emirates Palace. From the moment you arrive, it's over the top luxurious… the driveway to the main entrance is marble…maybe it's granite…I have to remember to ask John, though I should know the difference right. I tried to be very discreet and take some photos of the uniforms worn by some of the staff in the lobby as you can literally see the gold threads in the fabric. My husband is determined to pamper me, and I'm loving every minute of it. He's just left for the first morning meeting…and Jenna…there is definitely something about mornings…LOL. Mer, don't let Derek see this email, Ma…I know you don't care. We're here another two days it turns out and then will be in Dubai. I emailed the boys and we have already talked to them twice, well Kathleen knows this and sorry they have been such brats. Ok…got to go, will write again, the butler is at the door, yes, 24 hr butler service, probably to escort me to the Spa. Love you all, Maggie."_

Then, she clicked on the next message, and the tears began to fall as she read, just as they had while Jenna wrote them.

"_Mer, Rob's mom and two sisters are here today, so I haven't had much free time to call you. But, I've been thinking…you and Derek have been here twice in so little time, and I know how hard it is to get weekends off…and that you gave up a trip with Derek had planned to come here last week ...and since the two of you technically can't be godparents, and can only be witnesses…maybe you want to reconsider flying out for the baptism…Rob and I would totally understand… if the two of you want to use that time and go on your trip._

_I know I made a big deal out of it, and it was probably all those pregnancy hormones. Please don't feel obligated to be here. We'll talk soon, love, Jenna."_

Meredith had to read the message twice before it sunk in, and then, she wiped her tears away and typed back, though it would be a couple hours before she would actually send the message, right before her husband walked in the door.

"_Jenna," she wrote as her heart felt like it was breaking, but accepting that yet one more person found her lacking, "please don't worry, we should have understood the functions of godparents properly, and that you may want to consider it's best for Kerry to have more than just witnesses at her baptism, I understand. I've missed talking to you, but I'm glad she's sleeping through the night," she wrote trying to ignore the painful reminders of lifelong rejections._

"Hey," she felt his lips on hers "no dinner tonight," he teased his wife as she lay in bed. "I thought you'd embraced domesticity," and then he became concerned as she wrapped her arms around his neck and held him, and then she pulled back and kissed him tenderly, and he looked in her eyes and saw the sadness that always overwhelmed him.

"I have dinner in the oven," she said, smiling softly at him.

"You've been crying," he said, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing" she lied to him, "I was just watching Steel Magnolias."

"Meredith…"

"I got your favorites for dinner," she kissed him softly, "I thought…maybe we could go by the cliff and eat…it's not too cold…and no trace of rain."

"We can do that," he went along with her, knowing something was wrong, and trusting she'd talk to him before the night was out.

The night was unusually bright for November, and after dinner, he pulled her to his lap, and held her, "I love you."

"We should do this more often," she put her arms around his neck, and rested her head on his shoulder.

"You mean," he teased her, "you, cooking dinner…"

"Yeah…" she said absently, but hugged him.

"I'm thinking next time…you could try lasagna, homemade bread and tiramisu for dessert."

"We could," she said, and then smiled at him, "I thought you wanted to live till you're one hundred and ten…that's a sure to end your life quickly," she said, and got him to laugh, and they spoke about his day, and hers, without any mention of Jenna.

They made love that night, taking their time to please the other, each sensing the need for the other to understand the depth of their love and commitment; passion was always present, but on this night, every vow and promise made since their reconciliation and subsequent marriage became a silent reaffirmation in each touch and caress, before the ultimate fulfillment when he joined their bodies as one.

"I love you," she said, late into the night as she lay in his arms, his body molding hers as his hand caressed the length of hers.

"You know what would mean a lot to me," he said quietly, his lips tenderly kissing the back of her neck.

"What?"

"If you'd tell me what's bothering you. If you'd trust me with whatever made you cry. If you'd believe in me enough to know all I want is for you to be happy, and when I came home tonight, I saw sadness…and I need for you to let me share that with you."

She reached for the hand that lay on her waist and brought it to her lips, and he felt the moistness of her tears. "I do trust you, and believe in you…and sometimes…we don't both have to be sad…"

"But you are…and I want you to need me…as much as I need you."

"Oh Derek," she turned to face him, "I do need you…always…I need you so much."

"Then," he cupped her face, "tell me…what's making you sad…let me help make the sadness go away…unless," doubts suddenly consumed him, "it's me…it's that it…do I make you unhappy?"

"No," she shook her head, "no…you are what makes my life complete."

"Talk to me…"

"I don't want to make you unhappy…"

"Are you leaving me?"

"What…" she asked incredulously, "you think that…"

"No," he said, as he caressed her face, "but that is the only thing…"

"You are stuck with me," she placed her lips on his, "forever…"

"I want you…forever…and beyond…Meredith, beyond this lifetime."

She took a deep breath and turned slightly to reach for her blackberry, and he frowned.

"I thought… maybe I was misinterpreting things…both Cristina and Kathleen thought I was wrong…"

"You talked to them…" he said, and she saw the brief glimpse of hurt.

"I wanted to try to work it out on my own…and they both told me to talk to you…that you'd be worried about me, and I know that it was true, but it hurt…and I wanted to spare you if I was wrong…but I wasn't…she's changed her mind…"

"Changed her mind," he asked, "Mer…what are you talking about?"

"Jenna hasn't called since we've been back, so… I called her and she wrote me the email you saw. She lied to me, and for whatever reasons, she does not want to call me, and that's fine, it is…"

"It's not," he said quietly, "it's not fine."

"I'm used to it," she said trying to dismiss its importance, "people change their mind about me all the time."

"Mer," he said, angry at his sister for reawakening these doubts, "that's not true."

"It's ok," she said, without concern for the fact that she was willing to display her most vulnerable fear, "as long as it's not you, as long as you don't change your mind."

"Are you doubting my feelings for you…my commitment to…"

"No," she said, "I'm not…and that is why I'm able to tell you…no holding back…this is me trusting you completely…with my emotions …with all I'm feeling."

"Meredith…my life is nothing without you…don't ever doubt it."

"I don't, I haven't…I'm in this Derek…like you…for that lifetime…"

"What happened," he asked, "what is it that has made you sad and unhappy?"

She looked at her phone and scrolled to find a message and showed him, and she felt him tense and he took several deep breaths without saying anything.

"I'm sorry," she told him, "I did not want you to deal with this…and I know you may be angry with me, for what I wrote back…but Derek…I can't be there…not when I'm not wanted."

"If she really meant that," he said after a long pause, "it's not about you, but both of us…and that means she doesn't want me either…Meredith, there is no one…that would be a better godmother to that baby…."

"Don't," she said softly and her eyes glimmered with tears, "don't talk about her as that baby…she has a name, a beautiful name, and she opened my heart…and helped to heal all I felt about our baby…and it's ok…she did bring joy to our lives…even if …"

"This is not ok," he cupped her face, "the way Jenna has hurt you…it's not ok…"

"She's hurting you too," she said, "and I wanted to avoid that…but…it …I didn't think I should keep this from you…not after her message."

"I called her," Derek said, "several times today, she didn't answer me."

"I think," Meredith told him, "she just figured out I was all dark and twisty…"

"You are not," Derek told her.

"That's what Cristina and Kathleen said," Meredith told him, repeating both conversations. "I didn't want to keep this from you…I was just trying to understand what I was feeling…and it doesn't make sense…but it's what she wants Derek, and I'm thinking that you should be there…she's always wanted you to be godfather…it's me she's having doubts about, and I understand, she doesn't know me…"

"It doesn't work that way," he told her, his mind racing, his anger increasing, "you are my wife, and if this is how she feels…she can find new godparents…"

"Derek…you love the baby…just like I do…I'll still be her aunt…"

"Jenna needs to own up to her actions, this is not something I'm going to forget…she hurt you."

"Derek, she just had a baby, maybe it's all part of it…but this is your little sister…the one you worry about…the one you fought with Rob over, because he wasn't good enough."

"You did not deserve to be treated like she just has," he said, "and I'm not sure I can be as forgiving as you are."

"Will you think about it," Meredith said tenderly, "for me…don't say anything until you've had a chance to think it through…we'll talk about it…please…"

"Yes," was all he said, as he hugged her and held her the rest of the night; a decision already made, one he knew she'd disagree with, but he was not going to allow his sister or anyone in his family to ever make her feel the way she'd been made to feel tonight. Ellis and Thatcher had ruined her childhood. In spite of them, there was still compassion and trust in her heart, and he'd seen the change in her, the way she'd embraced his family, her happiness over her relationship with them, and he would do whatever it took to protect her feelings, to protect her from ever feeling unworthy and ordinary again, even if it meant distancing the relationship with his sister.

Meredith's shift had been moved and started seven the next morning, which meant a ride on the five twenty ferry; making her remember all the reasons why they didn't stay at the trailer when they had early morning shifts. "I don't want to get up…"

"But," Derek told her, "you have to…and if you hurry, first on first off the ferry…we'll have time to go home for a quickie," he teased her.

"You'll drive," she pouted, "we can stay in the car…and I can sleep all the way home."

"I will," he said, "and you can…" and as promised he got them to her house in record time for a most enjoyable morning quickie, which meant she was ten minutes late for her forty eight hour shift.

"Grey," Miranda Bailey greeted her, "do you need new batteries for your watch?"

"No Dr. Bailey," she said and turned to her husband, "but…Derek's does."

Miranda just shook her head, "see why attendings shouldn't…" she started to say, and was met by Derek's smile, "never mind…but…just for that…you're going to have Tuck on your next day off… both of you are taking him fishing," she said, and walked away smiling.

Derek placed one more call to his sister, "Jenna, I don't know exactly what I'm feeling right now, but angry and disappointment come to mind. I'm trying, so hard," he paused, as all his emotions threatened to choke him, "to understand why you said the things you did…why you have chosen to hurt Meredith so much…Jenna, you have no idea…how much you've hurt her, and me…I don't care about …but her…she didn't deserve that. Jenna Patricia, you know better…when we hurt," he said, as his voice became tearful, "you forgot all about what daddy used to say…you had no reasons…none at all to say those things to Meredith…please help me to understand," he said and disconnected the call, then he went to speak with Richard; and after his first morning surgery, when it was evident his sister was not returning his calls, he paged his wife.

"Derek," Meredith said as soon as she walked in his office, "what's going on, I just walked by the surgical board, your name's been erased from all your surgeries today."

"I need to talk to you," he said, and led her to the small couch.

"What's going on?" she asked as she sat down and he reached for her hand.

"Several nights ago, you asked me to give you time to try to understand what you were feeling, and I did…and last night…you told you wanted to try to work things out…before both of us were feeling hurt…"

"Derek…you're scaring me…"

"I need you to trust me and believe me when I tell you that all I want is for you to be happy…that I don't want you to feel any more sadness…and that I need just a little time…to try to understand how I can make sure that happens…"

"Derek…what…what are you talking about?"

"There's something I need to do…and I'll be back tomorrow morning…"

"You need time…" she said, a bit confused, "like when you went away camping?"

"No," he kissed her softly. "I just need to deal with something…and understand what I'm going to do."

"This is about Jenna and Kerry…isn't it…"

"It is," he admitted.

"But, I told you…it's ok…Derek…it is…I understand…and she's entitled to change ..."

"It's not ok, and I don't understand, and I need to understand."

"What…are you doing? Where are you going?"

"Will you trust me…please…just a little time…less time than it took you to talk to me."

"Yes," she said simply, his destination, not once crossing her mind. "I trust you."

"I'll see you in the morning," he said and kissed her deeply. "I love you."

"I love you too…"

Jenna was beside herself. Carolyn had spent the night and insisted Kerry sleep in her room, telling Rob his wife needed a good night's sleep. Rob had forced her to go to bed after feeding the baby at midnight, and after five nights of intermittent sleep she gave in to exhaustion and slept fourteen hours straight. Unfortunately, she had not seen or heard her messages until both her husband and mother had left the house.

"Mom," Jenna said, "can you come back…I've done something horrible…" and began to cry.

"Jenna," Carolyn said after taking a deep breath and saying a silent prayer that all was well, "sweetheart…please calm down…tell me are you hurt? Is the baby hurt? Are the girls ok?"

After answering no, no and yes, Carolyn was able to relax. "Ok…Jenna…is Jane there?"

"Yes, but Mom…it's you I need."

"I'm already on my way," Carolyn said, "but I want to talk to Jane…will you tell her that please…"

"No," Jenna said, "she's with the baby…I don't want to upset Kerry, I'm the one making her get no sleep at night…it's all my fault… Mom…I did something so bad…"

"Sweetheart," Carolyn insisted, "I'm going to ask you again…is anyone hurt?"

"No Mom…and you'd think…you think…" it dawned on her, "I'd hurt my baby…my girls…"

"No," Carolyn said calmly, "I just need to make sure everyone's ok."

"They are," Jenna whimpered, "but…I hurt Meredith and Derek…"

"Meredith and Derek, honey they are in Seattle…"

"I know Mom…I'm not dense," some feistiness returned.

"Will you do something for me," Carolyn said, "while I'm getting there…have a nice long hot shower… and I will be there within ten minutes."

Carolyn Shepherd prayed all the way to her daughter's house, and walked right up to her room and knocked gently before entering. "Jenna," she sat next to her daughter on the bed, and took her hands in hers, "what's wrong? What's happened?"

"Mom," she said as her eyes filled with tears, "Derek is so angry with me…"

"Jenna, explain to me…from the begging," Carolyn said patiently and began to listen to her daughter, and her heart became heavy with sadness when she showed her the emails she'd sent Meredith and her response, and then she played her brother's last message.

"He's never going to forgive me…but I thought… I was doing the right thing…"

"Jenna," her mother hugged her as her daughter sobbed, "why didn't you talk to me…or Kathleen…honey…we could have helped…"

"How could I talk to Kathleen…that would be betraying her confidence…you said…Mom, you said I had to tell her in her own time…and how could I tell Kathleen…"

"Oh sweetheart, I'm sorry…so sorry…all of you are going through this…"

"He's never going to forgive me Mom…he sounded so disappointed…"

"I know your brother," Carolyn soothed her, "and he will…right now…he's only concerned for Meredith…and how this is affecting her…let's call him…and we'll begin to get this resolved," unfortunately, Derek had already boarded his flight to New York, and had just shut off the phone after calling Meredith to tell her he loved her

"He doesn't want to talk to me," Jenna sniffled.

"Ok…stop that," Carolyn said, "we are going to fix this…so no more crying. Go get Kerry, you need to feed her, and that will be good for you both."

"Mom," Jenna met her mother's gaze, "you really think he'll forgive me?"

"I don't know," Carolyn snapped, "but you're lucky Meredith will."

"That was not nice," Jenna told her mother who was dialing a number.

"Yeah, well," she said, "Kathleen, honey I'm so glad you answered. Do you think you can come over to Jenna's? I know dear, but it's important. Now. There's nothing wrong, that we don't be able to fix. Yes, the girls are fine, Jenna is fine…nobody is hurt. I will call Pat and have her keep the kids in school till six and Kevin can pick them up."

"Jane," Carolyn spoke to the longtime housekeeper, "the girls have ballet this afternoon? Do you think you can take them out to dinner after that? I want to spend a little time with Jenna, she's had a few days of emotions being all over the place," she provided as an explanation.

"Mom," Kathleen hugged her mother as soon as she walked in, and took the baby from her, "what's going on? Is Jenna ok? I was worried about her, but she said she was ok."

"What are you talking about?" Carolyn demanded of Kathleen.

"It's all my fault," Jenna said as she stood by the doorframe to the den.

"Stop with the blame," Carolyn said, "or I swear I'm going to …I don't know what I'll do…but no more blame and no more crying…now sit down…both of you…and I'm going to take the baby to the nursery…so she is not upset…and I will be right back."

"Kathleen," Carolyn began to speak before walking in the room, "we have a small crisis…and you need to… Jenna, save the tears…for now," she said, "and let me talk, no interruptions."

"Mom," Kathleen said, "you said minor crisis…is anyone sick…"

"Kathleen," Carolyn took a deep breath, "when Meredith and Derek were here," she began, "when they were in the nursery saying goodbye to the baby, they did not realize there was a baby monitor, and Jenna overheard their conversation and found out about Meredith's miscarriage."

"Kathleen knew…" Jenna said, and incredulous expression on her face, "all this time…and you let me go on…and insist…"

"Jenna," Carolyn said, "do not interrupt…we are going to get this fixed…and your sister is going to help us with that. Kathleen, I told your sister," she continued and filled her in on their conversation that night, and the subsequent events she'd just discovered.

"Oh my God…no wonder Meredith was so upset when I spoke to her…it all make sense now…Jenna…but how could you…why would you write that email…that is so insensitive…they were here...and she loved being with the baby, surely you saw that," the older sister reprimanded, but then saw the look of genuine sorrow on her sister's face and went over to hug her. "I'm sorry…I know you didn't mean any of it…Jenna…don't cry…I promise you…Meredith will understand…she will…"

"Derek is so angry and disappointed with me…he won't even return my calls…"

"Ok…let' see if he'll pick up for me," and she tried calling but it went to voice mail, then she dialed Meredith's number, "Mer…it's Kat…please call me when you hear this and have a few minutes to talk."

"You think she'll call?" Jenna asked.

"She usually does, but she's on her 48 hr shift now," she said, and then spent the next hour talking with her sister and mom in terms of the best way to deal with the situation, and Kathleen knew she'd go with her instincts when Meredith or her brother called.

"Kathleen," Meredith's voice was nervous, "I couldn't call earlier, but it sounded important so I have Cristina covering for me so I could take at least a thirty minute break…Kat…is everything ok?"

"I think so," Kathleen said, "it will be. I need to talk to Derek, but he's not returning my calls, do you know what his schedule is like today?"

"Something's wrong…" Meredith said, "I can sense it…and Derek's gone…and what's going on Kathleen, is Mom ok…Jenna…the baby…the kids…"

"Everything is ok," Kathleen said, "you said Derek is gone, where is he?"

"I don't know…"

"Meredith…you don't know where he is, that doesn't make sense…"

"Oh God…it's such a long story…and he was upset and I was upset, but I tried to tell him it was ok…that it didn't matter, which it does and it hurt , but I didn't want him to be disappointed that Jenna could change her mind…but he read the email and I tried to keep it from him…but we're not doing that…we're being open with each other…and I'm not going to the baptism, but I think he should…"

"Meredith," Kathleen said quietly, looking at Jenna and her mother, "I already knew that Derek read the email."

"You do," Meredith paused, "how…but wait…you wanted to talk to him…"

"Meredith, I'm at Jenna's and she's very upset."

"Oh…" Meredith said quietly. "Please tell her, I understand, that I don't blame her for changing her mind."

"She hasn't changed her mind."

"She has Kathleen…it's ok…tell her…she shouldn't be upset, I read that babies can sense that…and I'm not worth that…"

"Oh honey," Kathleen said, as tears filled her eyes, "you are worth so much…you have no idea…listen…are you alone right now…I need to talk to you…"

"Kathleen," Meredith said, a big agitated, "what is wrong?"

"Can you go to Derek's office, can you talk there?"

"Yes, I'm actually here…I came here to call you."

"Mer…will you tell me what happened with Derek…why is he away?"

"Yes," Meredith said, and quickly repeated the story, "but you see, I don't know where he went, but he told me he'd call me tonight and that he'd be back in the morning."

"Meredith," Kathleen said, "if I know my brother, he's on his way here…"

"What…to New York? Kat that's impossible, he said he'd be back tomorrow morning."

"I don't think it's impossible, but, Mer…I need to tell you something, and Jenna is listening to me right now, and she's going to hear my entire conversation with you."

"Kathleen, don't force her to change her mind…I understand…I told you the other night…she probably realized how dark and twisty and messed up I can be."

"Meredith," Kathleen said softly, "when you were here, the last afternoon, you and Derek spent some time alone with Kerry in the nursery…before you left…"

"Yes…we did…" Meredith said.

"There's a baby monitor there, you may not have known about…" she paused, and there was a quiet pause at the other end as well, "Meredith…Jenna heard your conversation…"

The soft gasp at least told Kathleen Meredith was still listening, "and she found out about your baby…"

"Oh God," Meredith repeated, "oh god…"

"She's been very upset, and I did not know about this until this afternoon, when Mom called me…because Jenna was very upset over the email she wrote to you…and your reply. Meredith, she's listening to me and she did not change her mind…she was heartbroken for you and Derek…and she felt the best thing was to keep a distance…she thought she had imposed so much on you…about the baby…and the shower…and she couldn't understand how you could be so strong…to have gone through all that…and then…be here with Kerry Beatrice," all four women were crying, "but you see, she doesn't know you like I do…and Mom…and Derek…and we know how strong you are…and how this baby…your goddaughter helped you to heal and take away some of that sadness…and if you let me…I will talk to her, and share with her some of the things that made me believe my brother had finally found the woman that was going to make him happy, the woman that from the moment I met her, I knew I wanted as my sister…"

"Kathleen," Meredith said, through her broken voice, "tell her…it's ok…it is…I understand…I do…and I'm sorry we didn't tell her…tell her why…I didn't want anything to get in the way of the joy of a new baby…please tell her…I'm sorry she found out that way…"

"Do you think," Kathleen said, "you would like to tell her that?"

"Does she want to talk to me?"

"Desperately, I bet."

"If she wants to talk to me," Meredith said and within seconds heard her Jenna's voice.

"Mer…"Jenna's broken voice was all she needed to hear to accept the genuine motives of her actions, "I'm sorry…so sorry…all these days…I hurt you…and I thought…I was doing the right thing…"

"I hurt you too," Meredith sniffled, "by not telling you, but Jenna, ask Kathleen and Mom…I didn't want you to be unhappy…and you were when you found out…and I only wanted you to enjoy the time before the baby came…without anything but the joy of her birth…I swear… that's the only reason…you can ask them…"

"I don't have to," Jenna said, "I believe you…and Meredith…I'm sorry about what I wrote…I didn't mean that…I didn't…but I thought I was helping you…so you wouldn't feel more sadness…and Derek he's so angry and disappointed in me," she said, "and now he won't pick up the phone…I guess he's paying me back, cause I didn't…"

"Jenna," Meredith said surprising them both, "you finally managed it…"

"What…"

"You're gonna make Mom have to decide which one of us is the worse water faucet…"

"You're joking," Jenna said, "I've been through hell the past week and hurt you and my brother…and you're joking."

"I think," Meredith told her, "there's been enough tears…don't you?"

"Yes," Jenna admitted, "but I bet I'd win…since I've been slobbering everyday…and even Mom thought I'd gone of the deep end."

Kathleen sat next to her mother, and Carolyn placed her hand on her daughter's cheek, and held back the tears as she whispered, "I love you Kathleen, so much…my first precious little one."

Kathleen let her mother hug her. "Mom, I hope one day, my kids will love me just half as much as I love you."

"They already do," Carolyn smiled at her, and kissed her cheek. "And I even bet…they won't mind when they hear…you're just like Mom…"

"Nothing…" Kathleen told her mother, "makes me prouder than that…I can't do better than you."

"Let's not tell your sisters," Carolyn teased, and she closed her eyes, and said silently, "Irish…look after Derek. I need for him to be ok, and keep that Irish temper under control."

"Mer," Jenna asked, "do you think Derek will talk to me…that he'll forgive me?"

"If Kathleen is right, you're going to see him before I do…and I'm sure…he will."

"He sounded so disappointed in the message he left me, but most of all Mer…and I could hear it in his voice…it was because of you, because I'd hurt you…and I'm so sorry…"

"Jenna," Meredith said, "please stop crying, I still have to work and I can't walk around with puffy eyes which is what's going to happen if I keep crying too, and we're ok…you didn't change your mind…I thought I did something wrong."

"Oh no," Jenna said, and the tears began again, as the two women thousands of miles apart forgot about the last few days, and the bond fated long ago, allowed their hearts to heal within seconds of talking to each other, as they spoke about the tiny soul responsible for bringing joy to their lives. "I promise, I will, I'll get the photos loaded tonight. They're all done…I just have to hit upload."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "will you do something for me…"

"Yes…"

"You don't know what it is," Meredith laughed.

"Whatever it is…yes…"

"Will you give my goddaughter a kiss from me…tell her I've missed listening to her baby sounds…"

"Oh Mer…" Jenna cried, "yes…I'll give her so many kisses from you…"

"Thank you," Meredith said, "for understanding…what it means to me…to us…"

"You've forgiven me?"

"There was nothing to forgive…"

"My brother," Jenna said, "is very lucky…that the wicked witch cheated on him…" and the four women's laugher filled the air of their perspective locations.

"Jenna," Meredith said, "if Derek does turns up there…tell him… we talked right away…and tell him I love him and I'm fine…wait, don't tell him I'm fine…he won't believe me…you can ask Kathleen about that and Mom…bur tell him…that I said I trust him and I love him."

Meredith spoke to Kathleen again and to Carolyn and felt like the weight of the world was lifted off her shoulders, her heart almost carefree…but for her concern for her husband, and if Kathleen was right and he was on his way to New York, it would be hours before she could talk to him. She called him and left him a message, but he wouldn't hear it until he'd confronted Jenna; his battery dead, the charger in Seattle.

It was after eleven when Derek approached his sister's front door, exhausted and angry. He'd had over five hours to think about this, and nothing made sense, except Jenna had crossed the line and he didn't care why, only that she'd hurt Meredith, and he kept thinking to his own doubts and insecurities the night of their engagement, when he'd walked away from her, and they'd almost lost it all, again, and how after she revealed to him all about her past, the childhood that was worse than he'd ever imagined, he'd picked up the phone and called his mother and sister and Mark, and vowed that she would never feel the absence of family again, and with just a few sentences Jenna had made her believe she was unworthy, and he spent five hours brooding and allowing his temper to fester, and he was not about to forgive her for the emotional pain she'd created.

"Derek," Jane opened the door, "I don't think the family is expecting you."

"Where is my sister?" he answered gruffly, the days growth of beard fitting his dark mood.

"Is Meredith with you?" Jane asked good naturedly.

"Just me Jane. Please get Jenna, I still have to find a hotel for the night."

"Surely," Jane commented, "you'll be staying…"

"Not tonight," he answered and walked toward the den. "Please let Rob and Jenna know I need to speak with them."

"He's on call tonight," Jane offered, "first time since the baby was born…so…"

"Just get Jenna then," he interrupted, before she commented that his mother was there.

"Derek," Jenna said as she walked in the Den, and before she was able to utter a word she saw the harshness and anger and disappointment in his eyes and was rendered silent.

"I don't…" he pursed his lips, shaking his head slightly, "I can't understand…why…you would do what you did…why…you would write my wife an email…that was so insensitive and hurtful…why…you wouldn't bother to answer my calls…why you would purposely inflict so much pain on someone that has been nothing but kind to you and your family…why…you would choose to say things without thinking of the consequences…" his voice had become louder as he spoke, and upon hearing the first words spoken in anger, his mother had rushed to the den.

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn reprimanded, "you will cease with your tone right this minute."

"Have you any idea," he ignored his mother, his eyes, as he'd often thought of Meredith's, reflecting an impenetrable wall of steel, "do you even care…that every word you said…every night you didn't call only reminded her of the hell her childhood had been…you don't deserve to know any of this…but… I promised myself…the night I asked her to marry me…she would never lack family again…and now…you…without caring at all…are forcing me to keep us both away from here. Because…if she's not good enough for you…if she's not good enough to be your baby's godmother…then I'm not fit either to be her godfather…and you had no right," he sat down and broke down, and buried his face in hi hands.

Jenna only watched her brother, unable to react as she sank slowly to the couch, and then her heart broke when he spoke the words their father often did.

"Jenna Patricia," he mumbled, "you know better…I know you do…so I came here…because …she's my life…and I've almost lost her twice…and now…after she fell in love with that baby…you pulled the rug out from under her again…just like I have…so many times…and she doesn't get a God damn break…where families are concerned…"

"Derek," his mother approached him, and sat next to him, motioning to his daughter to stay where she was, "sweetheart…" she placed her arms around him, "it's ok, everything's ok…"

"Ma," he said, "she's being so brave…she always has to be so brave…and trying to protect my feelings…when I'm the one that's supposed to that…I'm the one that should have anticipated this…the fist time she met Nancy…then brought her here…and now…"

"Derek," Carolyn said tenderly, lifting his face and forcing him to meet her eyes and tear stained face. "Jenna spoke to Meredith this afternoon…I was here."

"Why," he said, "if she couldn't return my call…why did she call her…why would you allow it…"

"We called her to find out your schedule, your sisters had left you messages…"

"I was on my way here…" Derek said, allowing his mother to put her arm around him.

"We know that now, though Kathleen thought that may be where you were heading."

"You spoke to Mer…is she ok? Ma…what did you say to her…"

"That I love her, and that I'm looking forward to seeing her for a day after Thanksgiving celebration."

"We're not coming," Derek stated.

"Derek," his sister said quietly, "I'm sorry…"

"What are you sorry for…that you asked us to be godparents?"

"Meredith," Jenna said after taking a deep breath, "she said…if you came here…to tell you right away that she knew…that we'd talked…and that she loves you, and that she was fine, but then…she said…you wouldn't believe her," Derek stared at his sister, without uttering a word, "so instead I should tell you that she trusts you and she loves you."

"Oh God," Derek said, and shook his head, "she's ok…you talked to her…"

"I apologized to her, for hurting her…and for hurting you…but Derek…" he saw his sisters shoulders shake before she began to sob, "I thought I was doing the right thing…so she wouldn't be so sad…so it wouldn't be so hard…"

"Why would you think," he asked her, "that letting her believe she wasn't good enough to be a godmother to Kerry…was the right thing…"

"Derek," his sister met his eyes, "I know…about your baby…"

Derek took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "she told you…when you called her?"

"No," Jenna shook her head, "I heard you…before you left…in the nursery…I heard you…the baby monitor was on…and I don't know…I don't know how she did it…how she could deal with Kerry and not break down…"

"Jen," Derek got up and went to his sister's side and hugged her, softening a bit, "we didn't want you to know…she didn't want you to know…"

"I know now…" his sister said, "and I'm so sorry…so sorry…" she said, and their embrace quickly began to unravel the misunderstandings that had led to the truth, and ultimately serve to strengthen their relationship.

"Your goddaughter," Carolyn said, "is going to be awake any second and want to be fed, she's not very patient. Jenna, I'm going to go see to her."

"Derek," his sister said, "would you like to feed her," she asked cautiously, uncertain of what his answer would be.

"I was going to find a hotel," he told her, "I didn't want to upset Ma…"

"You're leaving?"

"Will you let me stay?" he asked her.

"Yes," his sister said, "but only if you feed her…and burp her and change her…and we can call Meredith while she keeps us both up tonight," his sister said with deep emotions reflected in her voice.

"Oh Jenna," he said, "I'm sorry too…"

"No more apologies," Jenna told him, "Mer threatened me with the crying…so…"

"She was crying," Derek said, "but you said she's ok…"

"Derek," his sister said, "we were all crying," and as the night wore on, he'd hear the way the afternoon unfolded.

"I'm going to grab my bag and get a quick shower…so I can hold my goddaughter, without all the grime from traveling. Do you think I need to shave to hold her?"

"Her daddy doesn't shave all the time. I think she'll be fine."

"Mer," Derek said much later, as he held the baby and burped her, "did you get the photo?"

"She looks more beautiful than a few days ago. Is she heavier, can you tell?"

"Jenna, Mer wants to know if she's heavier…"

"She feels like it, she goes for her first month appointment next week, and I'll rely on the doctor's scale, though I can always weigh her at Nancy's office…she has a professional scale…mine isn't…"

"Mer," Derek said tenderly, "I think I've figured out why the baby's not sleeping…"

"Why?" his wife asked.

"When Jenna talks to you, she rambles…so Kerry is used to that…and she hears your voice since she has you on speaker phone, so we're going to try that tonight, aren't we princess," Derek cooed to the baby. "Starting right now," he said and placed the cordless on speaker and cradled the baby in his arms, "hey princess…your godmother is on the phone."

"Hi baby…" Meredith spoke softly, "Kerry…are you going to be a good girl for your Mommy and sleep tonight…"

"Mer," Derek smiled, "it's amazing she's actually turning her head toward your voice…just like the night we took care of her …"

"Kerry Beatrice," Meredith said, and Jenna smiled at the same time she wiped away a tear, "I've missed you baby...I missed hearing about how you behaved all day…and listening to your small little whimpers…I'm so happy to talk to you tonight…and that your Uncle Derek is there…" the baby listened intently, "even if he didn't tell me where he was going," her voice remained quiet and calm, "and he has a lot of explaining to do…but you're listening…and your Mommy…and maybe even Granma…so I'll argue with him later…which may mean he'll volunteer to look after you all night just to keep from listening to a nagging wife…"

Jenna laughed, feeling good as for the first time in days when her heart wasn't weighed down with guilt and sadness for her brother and sister in law, as she began to understand what their mother and Kathleen had said. Meredith and Derek were each other's strength, and they had survived their heartache because they knew they could count on each other.

"Derek," Meredith said, "I already told Jenna, before you were in the room, that I don't want you taking the first flight out…you are not working tomorrow or Sunday, and I am…so I'd really like for you to stay…till the afternoon…and Derek…if you want to stay till Sunday…"

"I'm coming home tomorrow Meredith," he said, his tone a bit louder, and the baby turned her face and scrunched her nose.

"Mer," Jenna said, "she's mad at him…she's scrunching her nose, it's adorable…she only does it when she's mad, which is not often."

"Fine, blame me," Derek said, "we know better," his voice softened, don't we princess?"

They spent a few more minutes on the phone as Meredith had to return to the floor, and then brother and sister had another heart to heart talk, using quiet voices, as Kerry Beatrice listened and every so often turned her head toward her mother's voice, as she lay content and safely in her godfather's arms.

"Derek," Jenna said, "I understand…I do…why you didn't want to say anything, especially Meredith…and I want you to know how sorry I am…"

"Hey, didn't we say no more apologies…"

"I know…but I should have picked up on it, when we talked, your first trip here, you said you were keeping her secrets…and I questioned you about it and you said she'd tell me, when she was ready…I'm sorry I pushed it…"

"Jenna, you heard us…it would have been ok to ask then…"

"Mom said to wait, till she was ready…"

"She was right…to a point."

"But, I should have remembered…you did say how much she'd been through…that you'd almost been over…that's when you called Kathleen…I should have remembered that…"

"It's ok Jenna, things are ok."

"Derek…when you and Meredith are here…for the baptism…will you let me…can I ask her a special favor…between us…the three of us…"

"What?"

"No more secrets…you and I, we always kept each other's secrets…and I'll keep hers…but no more secrets that can hurt us…"

"You can ask her," he said, as he snuggled the baby close to him, "and I'm sure she will agree. Jenna, look, this little one's asleep…"

"She can't be…" Jenna said. "She hasn't fallen asleep before five in the morning all week."

"She is now," he said tenderly, kissing his niece gently on the forehead.

"Must be her godmother…" Jenna said, "Just like her first 19 days…"

"Mer will be happy to know that…"

"Let me take her," Jenna said, "I'll put her down…"

"Oh no," Derek said, "I'm going to look after her tonight."

"Derek…" Jenna's eyes were wide open, "we were joking…"

"I'm not," Derek said, "you need some sleep too, and she doesn't need to eat for another four hours…if she wakes up, I can give her a bottle…just like Meredith and I did…and you can feed her in the morning."

"You're serious."

"I am, and the bassinet is already in Ma's room," he referred to the guest room he and Meredith has used, "so you just need to roll it in here."

"You're not sleeping on the couch."

"It's a sofa bed," he told her, "and a pretty good from what I remember…it cost a fortune so your in laws could have a decent mattress."

"You remember that," his sister laughed.

"Sister number 3 from hell," he joked, "oh yeah…"

"We still make her sleep on it, if she stays here."

"Serves her right," he chuckled, causing the baby to shift and stretch a little.

"Derek…let me take her; you've been traveling all day."

"You heard my wife," he smiled, "I can't take the morning flight, so I can sleep in."

"Dream on," Jenna laughed, "the minute the girls know you're here…"

"I can't wait Jenna," Derek hugged her, "go get the bassinet so we can lay this one down for the night, and wait for her sisters to come and wake me," his sister did as he requested and both she and his mother returned with diapers and burp clothes and gave him instructions, as well as clean sheets for the sofa bed, which his mother insisted on helping with.

His sister, meanwhile, took her daughter from him and cuddled her close, and whispered, "I love you baby…and Mommy is so happy you got to talk to your godmother tonight and that her brother forgave her…you're lucky Kerry Beatrice, you're the luckiest baby in the world," she said, and her brother met her gaze and smiled, and he walked over and embraced his sister and goddaughter, "I love you Jenna…we love you Kerry…Meredith and I love you very much."

"Uncle D," he heard and grumbled, "Uncle Derek…" the other voice insisted, "where's Aunt Meredith?"

"Working," he said, and sat up to glance over at the sleeping baby and smiled, she'd slept through the night, even when he'd been on the phone with Meredith for about fifteen minutes in the middle of the night. This baby, he thought was definitely following the footsteps of his four sisters; being nosy, as conversation did not bother her.

"She let you come all by yourself," Meghan asked, making her uncle smile.

"She wanted to come," he explained, "but she said it was ok for me to come."

"How come you come back so soon?" Meghan asked.

"Meggie," Katie said, "don't be silly…that's cause he loves us…"

"I do love you," he said, "but even when I can't be here I love you a lot, and so does Aunt Meredith, and I had to be here for a special meeting," he tried to explain, so the girls would not associate visits with whether they were loved or not.

"Kid lessons," his sister stood on the doorway, "that was a good one…you're learning."

"Mommy," both girls ran to her, "soft voices," the both said, "Kerry is sleeping."

"She is," Jenna hugged her daughters, "she slept all night."

"That's cause Uncle D was here, cause he had a special meeting." Meghan said.

"I think you're right sweetie," Jenna agreed.

"Are you staying lots of days Uncle Derek," Katie asked.

"No Katie, I have to go back to work this afternoon, but we're going to be back for Kerry's baptism."

"Cause you're the godparents," Meghan said proudly, "see uncle D I remembered…"

"You sure did," he lifted them both onto the bed. "How about we sleep a little longer?"

"But, Aunty M isn't here to cuddle with," Meghan said, and he caught his sister's smile.

"How about you cuddle with me," Jenna offered.

"Mommy…but…Uncle D would get lonely cause Aunty M's not here…so I stay here…and cuddle with him, right Katie," she turned to her sister who nodded and yawned.

"Uncle Derek," Katie said, "your face is all scratchy like Daddy…I don't like it…I tell daddy all the time, but he says Mommy likes it…which is silly, cause it feels funny," she said, and his sister blushed.

"Kid lessons you said," Derek teased her.

"Bring my child to me," Jenna giggled, "when she wakes up."

"Bye Mommy," Meghan said, and Derek knew his morning sleep was over as the two little girls carried on a conversation about characters he was certain he'd one day have no choice but learn about, and closed his eyes and smiled as he listened to the story of Belle and some type of beast.

News traveled fast, and lunch became a festive occasion as all gathered at Jenna's, two missing sisters and brother in laws. Aunt Pat took him aside to speak with him, giving him, in her words the Cliff notes version of the godparent responsibilities he and Meredith were expected to know; and Kathleen for a totally different purpose, that resulted in a predictably emotional and heartwarming conversation.

Derek followed Meredith's advice and took a late afternoon flight that ended up being delayed several hours, so he stayed with the family till seven, and arrived in Seattle at midnight rather than eight in the evening.

Meredith walked up, or rather dragged herself to the nurse's station and leaned against the counter, it was nearing one in the morning and Derek had texted when the flight landed, so she was expecting a call from him to let her know he was home any minute, instead she felt the warmth of his breath on her neck as he circled her waist.

"What are you doing here," she turned to face him, and kissed him, earning several glares from the night shift staff, both at the counter and walking the halls.

"Uhmmm…" he said, "and I thought you'd be happy to see me…"

"I am," she smiled, but then just as quickly smacked the back of his head.

"What the hell was that for," he said rubbing the spot.

"Don't you ever…go away like that and not tell me…"

"I told you…"

"Derek…you did not tell me you were flying to New York."

"I said to trust me," he said, "you said you did…"

"You yelled at Jenna…and made her cry."

"She always cries…even when."

"You are not going to try…"

"Yes, I made her cry, but we cleared everything up…we did…"

"I know," she smiled at him, "and you have to give me some Cliff notes version of what I need to know for the baptism."

"I thought," he told her, "you've been working, but looks like you've spent all the time on the phone with annoying relatives," he knew she'd talked to his sister this evening, while she fed her daughter, the routine apparently back in place.

"Ass," she mouthed, and threw her hands around his shoulders and hugged him. "I love you…go home…get some sleep, I'll see you in the morning."

"I'm staying here," he said, "come find me."

"Dr. Shepherd," she teased him, "are you propositioning me?"

"Dr. Grey…" he teased back, "I believe…I'm too exhausted to…"

"Wanna bet," she smiled, and pulled him along with her to find an on-call room, where she would join him a few hours later, and just sleep.

"Derek," Meredith smiled, as she felt the warmth of his lips traveling slowly up and down her leg, "you're not getting away with it…"

"What…" he smiled at the sound of her soft moan, as his tongue continued to tease.

"We still have to talk about your trip…what happened…"

"More talking," he said, "we talked for two hours at the hospital last night," he said, referring to the conversation they'd had when she found a break around three in the morning.

"Derek…" she moaned softly again, "you're…"

"I thought you liked this," he teased, "me connecting the dots…"

"I love…" she paused, another not so quiet moan, "how you," a little louder, "connect the dots."

"Now," she said, much later, already early afternoon, "you need to feed me…I'm starving," he smiled at her, "for a home cooked breakfast, I've been living on cafeteria food two days."

"You like cafeteria food," he joked.

"Yeah, but I know Mom forced you to bring me a chocolate cake."

"I'll cook something for you," he agreed. "But…you wanted to talk to me?"

"You were right," she said, "we did talk through things last night, but there's something else I need to say…"

"Ok…"

"I had a lot of time to think, while you were gone…and I thought…after all we'd been through…the last time we broke up…and…how we almost didn't make it…"

"Meredith…you're…thinking about that…" he said, a hint of sadness in his voice.

"Derek…" she said softly, "then…you got me the lavender…remember...the first gift you ever got me…don't look at me like that…I'm not sad…I'm not…all of my life, I'd been expected to take care of myself, rely on no one…and since then, you'd done so many things…for me…and we joke about McDreamy being back…and how long that took…and I meant it then Derek…you were back, in my eyes, almost immediately…nine days…remember…" he nodded. "Then…we had to go through…" she took a deep breath, and both understood without words, "then we found how much we meant to each other…and you became my strength my one unshakeable foundation…and each day…each moment you made me love you more…then…our wedding…and every day since then…in my eyes McDreamy had been back for so long…I even told Cristina that this week…"

"You told her McDreamy was back…"

"Well," she smiled at him, her hand caressing his face, "she said McDreamy was almost completely back, and I told her he was back…completely…but I was wrong," she locked gazes with him, and his eyes darkened and lowered.

"Don't look away from me," she said, and kissed him. "I had no idea…that you could ever do more in my eyes to show me how much you love me…but…you did…you placed everything aside…and flew thousands of miles to make something right…to understand what had gone wrong…because you knew I was unhappy…and sad…and even though I tried to hide it from you…you knew my heart was breaking…and you went to make it right…and I'm sorry…you had to go through that…because I know how much you were hurting too…but…no one has ever done that for me…no one has ever done for me what you do…no one has ever loved me the way you do…and …" her voice broke.

"Nobody will ever love you as much as I do…Meredith…this lifetime and beyond."

"I love you Derek…I don't know if you realize... if you truly know what you mean to me…what it means to have you in my life, and know I will never be alone…and I need you to know that no one will ever love you more, my soul mate," she began, and as she spoke each description, a kiss followed, "my husband…my knight in shining armor…my prince charming…and one day," she paused, "when all those dreams you made me believe in …when those dreams are fulfilled…our children's daddy," she said, and it would be hours before they remembered any desire but the passion of lovers long ago destined to be together for a lifetime.

_******* A/N below ******_

_A/N – 20 APR - This chapter begins and ends with a note from me; this last one one an afterthought tonight. April is a chaotic month in my professional life. But, part of me, feels that as the writer of this story, I've also made an unspoken commitment to each of you that reads and takes the time to comment. _

_Believe it or not…it takes lots of hours to put 10,000 words together and can sincerely tell you that the handful of you that comment is enough for me to be inspired and not leave you with a huge sense of disappointment. However, though PT 1 had more viewers than any other chapter in the last year; part two had the fewest, and forced me to question why continue to bother to give up my free time. My apologies for this comment, apparently, the dark & twisties transferred over to the writer as well._

_I am repeating myself, but to each of you that has commented the last few chapters and throughout this story, I cannot thank you enough, or properly express how much I appreciate your continued enthusiasm. But, tonight as I looked at the number of readers for this chapter, I'm finding it hard to keep giving myself pep talks to continue and the need to keep remembering that it's not the quantity … _

_The next chapter is written, and will post it at some point this week. The sooner you see it posted, the greater the reflection of my discouragement at this moment; at which point, I will most likely go along with what I'm thinking right now, and that is take a break from this story. _

_There are a few of you, that have no links for me to respond individually, (Maureen, you humble me every single time.) To each of you and everyone that has been inspired to leave me a comment throughout the duration of Shattered Dreams, you have my commitment that I will not short change this story in any way, no matter how useless the effort seems as I write this note. I don't like to leave things unfinished, and will do my best to live up your expectations in the chapters that bring this story to an end. Best regards, Jasmin _


	216. Chapter 216

_A/N 27JUL10 – Thanks to each of you that continues to be interested in this story, and apologies for the much longer break than originally intended. I am so very grateful for all the comments and support after posting the last chapter just over 3 months ago._

_This new chapter, as the title suggests, is the first of several with a common theme, "Our first…something…or as Meredith would say…whatever…" so, I don't really know how many parts there will be, but as many as I feel will tell the story I outlined long ago, except…there always seems to be something more to add. This first "occasion" I know has at least 5 parts. Hope you will enjoy this "first" chapter, as I became reacquainted with the character development as told in the last 215 posted chapters…and a bit over one million words, and if I were in betting mood…there's at least twenty chapters more to go before the vision I've got for their future becomes a fitting epilogue._

_The rest of the story, the journey to seeing their Dreams Fulfilled, I hope will not disappoint you. Thank you again and warm regards, Jasmin_

_Meredith Voice Over (MVO)Thanksgiving Day Episode – Season Two:_

_Gratitude, appreciation, giving thanks. No matter what words you use it all means the same thing. Happy._

_We're supposed to be happy. Grateful for friends, family. Happy just to be alive. Whether we like it or not. Maybe we're not supposed to be happy. Maybe gratitude has nothing to do with joy. _

_Maybe being grateful is recognizing what you have for what it is. Appreciate small victories. Admiring the struggle it takes simply to be human. Maybe we're thankful for the familiar things we know. And maybe we're thankful for things we'll never know. _

_At the end of the day, the fact that we have the courage to still be standing … is reason enough to celebrate. _

_**Ch 199 - "Our first…" Part 1 **_

"Derek…" Meredith whispered as a hint of moonlight illuminated their room.

"Tired…sleep," he mumbled wrapping his arms tighter around her.

"Derek," she smiled as she shifted in his arms and turned to face him, when had she become this sentimental person that wanted to wish her husband a happy anniversary at the exact time their marriage had taken place months before in Venice.

"It's almost one forty five," she lightly brushed his lips, "you can go back to sleep…"

"Mer…" he instinctively pressed his body against hers, "so exhausted…"

"I know," she said thinking of the playful teasing and taunting that would surely follow when he was fully awake. Her shift had ended at six that evening and they were both due back at six in the morning for twelve hours. However, he'd had an emergency surgery that had lasted over five hours and got home past eleven that night. She'd waited up for him, only so she could give him a massage and offer some relief to the inevitable tired aching muscles after a lengthy surgery.

"I love you," she said quietly, tenderly caressing his face, and then another gentle kiss, "happy anniversary," she whispered, as she cradled his head on her breast, and allowed him to sleep through the first minutes of their eight month wedding anniversary; certain he'd make it up to her in the morning.

Derek smiled, though he was annoyed with himself, as he recalled having slept through her attempt at waking him; her instinctive sensual response and much loved familiar moans made him want to forget everything except being buried deep inside her. But, on this morning, they had plenty of time; he'd make sure of it.

Meredith was certain she'd never had a more pleasurable sensual dream, the feel of his hands, his lips, his mouth on her body, a dream; the perfect dream she never wanted to awake from, while her soft moans of pleasure enticed him even more.

Derek was determined to make it up to his wife; the fact he'd slept through the first minutes of their eight month anniversary; fully aware she'd appreciate his efforts of seduction as his lips began to trace a path from the back of her neck, since even in sleep they'd find themselves in the same position each night, her back pressed against his body, more often than not, their hands entwined.

His fingertips, his tongue, his mouth, she moaned softly, felt like perfectly synchronized caresses, each touch carefully orchestrated to drive her to the brink of madness, and they did, and suddenly she moaned at the wonderful…near invasion of her body, the sound of her own voice waking her, as the dream seemed to come to an end, and her body reacted in unfulfilled frustration.

"Not," she said breathlessly, "a dream…"

"I hope not," he said huskily.

"Don't…" she moaned again as he continued his expert exploration of her body, "stop…"

"Wanted to make sure," his mouth on her body brought yet another expected reaction.

"No games," Meredith gasped softly, delighting him.

"Who's playing," he chuckled.

"I want you…" her fingers pulled lightly at his hair, "now…"

"Oh no…" he teased her.

"Derek…" she complained, pulling tighter.

"Mer…patience…" he bit her inner thigh playfully, "is a virtue."

"You've had plenty of time…while," she moaned again, not so softly, and definitely not quietly, this time, "I thought I was dreaming…"

"Nice dream…" he teased.

"Derek…"

"Meredith," his mouth continued its playful teasing until he was satisfied his wife would have no complaints about the way he approached some of their favorite things. She in turn made sure he felt exactly the same way, and it was indeed a very long time before both were completely sated and basked in the intimacy followed by multiple cries of ecstasy and fulfillment.

"Mer…" Derek kissed the top of her head, barely any energy left, "happy anniversary."

"You finally remembered," she teased, her face comfortably settled on his chest, his arms wrapped around her.

"I'm sorry," he said, "your beast finally succumbed to old age…"

"My beast," she turned her face up to look at him, "wore me out…completely."

"Not last night," he whispered.

"I understood Derek," she kissed his naked chest, "you'd been in surgery for hours."

"I tried to make it up to you…as soon as…"

"You did," she smiled, and kissed his lips, "beyond any doubts…"

"Mer…" he smiled, "you thought you were dreaming…"

"I never wanted to wake up," she giggled, "it was pure…bliss…"

"Did it get any better," he taunted playfully.

"Beyond my wildest dreams," she kissed him again and then laid her head on his chest.

"I was afraid the beast had missed his chance to…" his hands continued to caress her body tenderly.

"My insatiable beast…roared and rose to the occasion …just fine," she assured him, "or should I say occasions," he loved her laughter. "I don't think I can function."

"We still have a half hour," he told her, "before we need to get up…"

"Derek," she smiled, "today is more than just our eight month anniversary…"

"We're going home tonight," he said, "with the three kids," he laughed.

"Derek," she met his gaze again, facing each other, their fingers entwined, "our first…Thanksgiving…"

"Yes," his lips brushed hers, "our first Thanksgiving…together…and happy…"

"And married…" she kissed him back, and they spent the next half hour fondly remembering the first seven anniversary celebrations; tender gentle caresses that led to whispered words of love, and promises of yet another intimate celebration before the day was over.

Meredith and Derek walked through the doors of Seattle Grace holding hands, nothing could keep them from smiling; it was indeed their first Thanksgiving together.

"Great," Cristina mumbled as they reached the elevator at the same time, "doomed to witness McDreamied moments for the next twenty four hours."

"Admit it," Meredith smiled, "you're looking forward to the trip."

"One thing has nothing to do with you…blatantly flaunting that you're getting sex," she almost smiled, she truly was happy for her friend, "before dawn…"

"Yang," Derek said, "doesn't your shift start at eight?"

"Yeah," she told him.

"Why are you here at 5:45 in the morning?"

"You have to ask? Mer, really…brainless."

"She's an addict Derek," Meredith smiled at him and shrugged her shoulders, "one of our three kids is a surgery junkie; she's hoping people start being stupid early on in the day."

"Thanks Mom," Cristina joked. "Must be the age difference…you need to interpret for Dad," and all three of them laughed good naturedly.

"Good luck," Derek told her.

Yang commented, "Bailey always says holidays are the perfect display of the stupidity of the human race…that means lots of surgeries today, and I'm ready."

"Addict," Derek mumbled.

"Speaking of addicts," Cristina grinned at the sight of the surgeon in question. "Dr. Bailey, I'm ready to assist you...whatever you need…any surgeries…send them my way."

"Ish…Ish…" Miranda's son began struggling to be put down the moment he saw Derek.

"Yang…you're not supposed to be here till later…"

"Neither are you," she dared to snap back.

"I'm your boss," Bailey told her, "I can be here anytime I want."

"Hey Tuck," Derek grabbed him from Miranda.

"Ish…" the little boy grinned, "go ish…peese…"

"Learn from my son Yang," Miranda taunted, "he says please…"

"Dr. Bailey…of course …ma'am…please…if you can, I'd be so grateful, if you'd schedule me in for any surgeries…"

"Suck up," Bailey muttered.

"Uck up…" Tuck giggled, "ma…uck up …"

"Do not," Bailey glared at them all, "laugh."

"Tuck," Derek chuckled, "my next day off…which you have no idea what I'm talking about, I'm going to take you fishing."

"Ish…go ish…" the little boy said excitedly.

"Shepherd…what's wrong with you? Now I'll have a long weekend with him waiting for you to do that…truly Meredith, his sisters are right, the man is brainless."

"What was I supposed to tell him," Derek argued with her. "I can't be an ogre," like you.

"Ish…" the little boy smiled, "peese…"

"Hey Tuck," Meredith smiled at him, "you're such a big boy…and you get to spend all day playing with your friends…do you want to go play?"

"Pay…ma…go pay?"

"Yes, baby," Miranda smiled at her son, "we're gonna go play with your friends…"

"Ma," the little boy extended his arms to her, "pay….go…peese?"

"Grey," Miranda smiled at her, "thanks for that…good save."

"Kid diversion 101," Meredith laughed, "learning first hand with Kelly and Sean."

"It'll come in handy," Miranda told her, "when you get this one on your next day off."

"I can't vouch for Derek," Meredith teased him, "though he's going to get some kid lessons during the weekend…the girls are going to keep him on his toes."

"I'm here till three," Miranda said, "but…just in case this madhouse is worse than usual, Happy Thanksgiving and safe travels…"

"Happy Thanksgiving as well Miranda," Derek grinned, "you've had a blessed year."

"I certainly have," Miranda spoke to her son, amazing the others with the baby talk, "isn't that right Tuck…your Mommy and Daddy are very blessed that we have you this year…healthy and no side effects at all from that surgery," and the little boy giggled, "and we're certainly ready to give thanks and celebrate that today…and our friends…each of you," she said ever so briefly becoming sentimental. "You're all blessed as well," she turned to the three friends. "Give thanks for every single day…and the two of you…marriage suits you…very well indeed."

"Thank you," Meredith got teary eyed.

"Ma…go…pay," the little boy got impatient.

"Yep…you're going to play with your friends."

"Bye…" the little boy smiled, and pulled on Cristina's hair, "kiss…"

"Huh…" Cristina responded, as they all laughed.

"Yang," his mother replied, "he wants a kiss goodbye."

"Oh…but…he…"

"Kiss his cheek Cristina," Meredith told her.

"Kiss…" Tuck giggled when he placed a sloppy kiss on her cheek, "bye…pay…"

"Yeah…play and have fun," Cristina told him, clearly not comfortable with children.

"Bye…" the little boy turned to Meredith and extended his arms to her, "kiss…"

Meredith took him from his mother's arms and kissed his cheek and carried on a conversation with the boy that had Cristina rolling her eyes.

"Miranda," Derek spoke quietly to her, "you going to be ok today?"

"Today," she responded to him only, "we're two very grateful parents," she squeezed his arm lightly. "You're a good friend Derek…it means a lot to me."

"I feel the same way," he put his arm around her, and kissed her cheek.

"Bye Tuck…you have fun today, playing with your friends," and the little boy smiled and kissed Meredith back, but also snuggled against her. "We'll see you soon," and he went to Derek, enjoying all the attention he was getting.

"Hey buddy…" Derek smiled, "be a good boy…"

"Boy…" he giggled and pointed to himself. "Pay…go pay…"

"Ok…Tuck," Miranda said, "we're going to go play say bye to Derek."

The little boy hugged Derek and kissed his cheek, obviously used to this, and then insisted on being put down and reached for his mother's hand and tugged at her.

"Ma…go…pay…"

"Let's go," she smiled.

"Bye…Bye…" he waved smiling, "bye Ish…bye…"

Cristina smirked, "Mer…I think he's calling Derek a Fish…" and started to laugh, "that is priceless…Mr. Incredible dubbed a cold…fish…"

"Cristina," Meredith said, "I can guarantee there is nothing but heat…lots of it, in fact…"

"Stop…I take it back…and I do not want to hear about the sexcapades."

Meredith and Derek turned to each other and laughed, and she reached up and put her arms around his neck, "I love you…"

"Even if I'm a cold…dead fish," he joked.

"But…I know better," she brushed his lips, "Mr. Incredible indeed…"

"Mer…" Derek kissed her back, playfully biting her lip, "kind of embarrassing…"

"Shepherd," she teased, "live with it," and their quiet laughter filled their hearts with joy as they remained in each other's embrace.

"I heard," Mark's voice boomed once Meredith and Derek joined the group at the cafeteria table where Izzie, George, Alex, Lexie and Cristina were sitting waiting for them, "that in spite of the reduced staff today, there's a bet spreading like wild," the snickers were immediate, "wild fish I think I heard."

"Really," Derek said, "I'll bite…no pun intended."

"Cristina…" Meredith reprimanded as she and Derek sat next to each other.

"Come on Mer…how could I resist…"

"Easily…" Meredith was not too annoyed, but persisted, "since you're his guest…"

"Guest…" Lexie joked, "you consider your three kids guests," she said, and they all laughed at the joke that had stuck since Derek's family had visited and dubbed the three traveling companions, Meredith and Derek's kids.

"We're really more Mama Shep's guests."

"Cristina," Lexie said, "we kind of are his guests…"

"Dude… he paid for your tickets, Yang…be grateful."

"Hey…I was getting my own…" Cristina protested.

"Kids," Derek joked, "behave…or you're going to stay home, no matter how much your grandmother insists we should bring you with us."

"We'll babysit," George said, the boyish grin adding just a hint of mischief.

"Thanks Uncle George," Alex snorted.

"It's Thanksgiving," Izzie interrupted, "Alex…be nice…"

"I was," he smiled at her, "I've been very nice," he winked, and Cristina and Meredith exchanged glances, something had definitely changed between them.

"Evil spawn, what the hell was that," Cristina blurted out. "You're winking and smiling at Barbie."

"As I said," Izzie tried again, "it's Thanksgiving…and a very special one…since we all have a chance to spend it together and give thanks…"

"Iz," Alex said, "we're not going around saying what we're grateful for…let's just eat, we only have and hour before our shift starts."

"I see I made it just in time," Miranda Bailey joined them; "to taste Steven's baking."

"You did…Dr. Bailey, and I'm so glad you made it…I coordinated it so we could all be here at this time…and Alex and George and I don't start our shift till four…so it was perfect."

"Bailey," Mark asked, "how'd you bet on today's main topic of interest?"

"Dr. Bailey," Cristina said, "don't throw away money. No truth to it at all. Mr. Incredible is no cold fish, and we have that from a very satisfied source."

"Cristina," Meredith warned.

"What…" Cristina teased, "I can joke…and you've said it yourself."

"My luck," Miranda muttered, though she was trying not so smile, "of all the interns that year…I got stuck with …"

"The best," Alex winked at her, "admit it."

"Best suck ups…" Izzie added cheerfully, recalling the first day they met the tiny formidable woman, doctor and mentor.

"The best," Miranda smiled at them, and left them all speechless, "of the bunch…"

"Close your mouth Yang," Derek said, "cold dead fish bring flies," and their laughter, this unexpected family, including Miranda's, rang out through the cafeteria walls.

"Grey," Miranda winked at her, "how do you put up with that sense of humor."

Derek's body leaned ever so instinctually toward his wife and she became lost in his smile, "kind of hard to resist," she answered honestly, "the rest of him."

"Mcdreamied…to death…and we're only halfway through the day," Cristina said. "Sloan, please tell me you're bringing a sugar antidote."

"All taken care of," he said with a dead pan expression and winked at Lexie, "you're coming with us…the perfect bitter-sweet combination."

"Dude," Alex laughed, "you've got that right."

"Listen you evil…shallow piece of…"

"Children…children…" George smoothed over. "Aunt Izzie's right, it's Thanksgiving."

"Shepherd," Miranda glared at him, "you sure you haven't lost your mind…traveling across the country with these three?"

"Endurance test," Derek mumbled. "Mer and I talked about it," he reached for her hand, squeezed gently, "if we can survive this trip, when we have kids, the teenage years will be a piece of cake."

"Ok," Izzie said as she finished all the arranging and rearranging she'd been preoccupied with the last five minutes while her friends teased and annoyed each other, "we're all set. We can say Grace."

"Iz," Alex smirked, "we're in the freaking cafeteria."

"Alex," Izzie said, "it's Thanksgiving, and we're with our friends…our family…"

"Stevens," Miranda said, "you're right…it's a special day…no matter where we find ourselves ready to share a meal of thanksgiving."

"Miranda," Derek said, "I agree…you do the honors…"

"Derek," she said, emotions evident in her tone of voice, "you…should…it's…"

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said quietly, "it would mean a lot…to all of us if you would."

"Well…" Miranda Bailey took a deep breath, "then…on this day…when family and friends gather to give thanks…Dear Lord…I am grateful for my family, I am grateful for my beautiful healthy son…and the friends here today…all of us," she had no doubts she spoke for them all, "are grateful for the food to be shared…for the friendship and affection that now binds us together," and as she finished with a few more poignant words, every one of them was deeply touched and indeed gave thanks for the family they'd become.

Bailey was the first to leave, ready to pick up her son and join her husband and his family for dinner, and warning them all to get to their corresponding assignments.

Mark, who was only working till three, smiled when Tracy found him in the cafeteria.

"I heard your message," she addressed him, "you don't have to bring anything. I'm just glad you're joining us." Then, she addressed the others, "Happy Thanksgiving everyone," Tracy smiled at them, "hope you have a safe trip back East, and try to keep Mark out of trouble."

"Tracy," Lexie said, "your pumpkin bread was amazing."

"You mean Mark shared it?" Tracy asked.

"Reluctantly," Lexie told her, "but, he'd eaten almost half of it when I dropped off my suitcase last night."

Meredith squeezed Derek's hand, and he chuckled, "taking notes for the nosy sisters."

"And…" she leaned against him, "the bet making gambling nun."

"Not Ma…" he kissed her temple.

"Mom's aren't nosy," Meredith smiled at him, and his heart knew joy; there were so many blessings, in spite of their sadness, to be grateful for since the last Thanksgiving.

"Our kids," he whispered, "aren't going to agree with you on that…"

"You'll just have to tell them…that I'm right, and Mom's are supposed to know everything."

"I can do that," he smiled at her, "as long as you don't keep any secrets from me."

"Tracy," Lexie said, "Mark said you've been cooking for days…"

"I have," the nurse smiled, "and left the turkey in the oven this morning, should be just about ready when we get home…"

"You left a turkey cooking," Cristina said, "unattended…you're brave."

"My boyfriend's Mom's here, so she's making sure it's edible."

"Tracy," Meredith said, "we didn't see Amy and Stephanie this morning, tell them we wished them a Happy Thanksgiving."

"Amy's back on tomorrow, and since she's all excited about her new conquest, and his two kids get along really great with hers, I volunteered to work alone today; Steph offered to cover Beth's late shift since she has little kids, that way Beth could be home by three and enjoy their dinner, she got here a few minute ago.

Lexie and Cristina were both delighted to be paged for surgery. "Lexie," Mark said, "I already have your bag in the car. I'll be here at eight thirty, make sure Yang's ready."

"We'll be ready," Lexie said, "thanks Mark…for the ride."

"Mark," Tracy said, as she saw the look on Meredith's face, the sister was on full alert; maybe, she thought, at some point she should tell her he really was a decent thoughtful man, once he allowed himself to be vulnerable, but thought better of it. "We'll see you around five?"

"Yes," he told her, and when questioned later by Derek, told him he was joining them for a while that evening and had accepted and was happy for Tracy and her rediscovered relationship. They were friends, he told Derek, and while he had enjoyed their physical relationship, he valued the friendship and genuine affection between them.

"Why," Meredith asked when only Mark and Derek remained at the table, "was Lexie at your apartment last night?"

"Relax Xena 2…" Mark told her. "She dropped off her bag since I'm driving her and Cristina to the airport, whose bag I also have."

"Cristina lives across from you, so that makes sense. As for Lexie, unlike Cristina who drives a motorcycle and hard to carry a suitcase, my sister has a car…" Meredith insisted, "and could have driven or she could have come with us."

Derek didn't say anything, but was pleased at how Meredith had embraced the relationship with Lexie, and his entire family; his wife amazed him, she'd really become whole and healed.

Meredith's phone rang, effectively ending the conversation with Mark, and she smiled as she recognized the number. "Jenna…I thought you'd be right in the middle of dinner…"

"Aunty M," she heard a familiar voice, "it's not Mommy…" the little girl giggled, "it's Meghan."

"Hi sweetie," Meredith smiled, "where's your Mommy…aren't you having dinner now?"

"They have grown up talk…so I take care of my baby sister …she waked up and I don't want her to be scared cause of she's don't know this house."

"Meggie," Meredith looked at Derek, but he was still talking with Mark. "Is your Mommy with you?"

"No, I with Emma…"

"Where are your Mommy and Granma and Aunt Kat?"

"Tolds you Aunty M…they have grown up talk…"

"Meggie, does your Mom know you have her phone and you're calling me?"

"No silly…" the little girl giggled, "me and Emma we heard Kerry waked up so we put the pafire in her mouth so she don't cry…so Mommy don't know she waked up…so she knows we're big girls and we take care of her."

"Meghan, can you put your Mom on the phone?"

"No Aunty M, cause I gets in trouble…cause of me not supposed to dial any numbers on Mommy's phone …only if she says it's ergency and she tolds me to dial 9 1 1."

"Honey," Meredith said, "how did you get her phone?"

"In her baby bag…cause of she left it next to my baby sister…she put all the baby things to take care of Kerry…"

"Did your Mommy teach you how to dial my number?"

"Oh no…that be only at home…cause of your number is seven…and Aunty Kat is…"

"Meghan, how did you know to dial my number?"

"Aunty M," she began to whisper, "Emma knows how to do that…and she found your number…cause of I told her Mommy always dials really fast…and Emma is my big cousin and she's really smart and she found your name…but it's short…Aunty M…it only how 3 letters…"

Meredith laughed. Her sister in law undoubtedly had her listed as Mer. "Is Emma with you now?"

"Yep…she talking to my baby sister…cause of she waked up, and when she do that at home…my Mommy calls you…so me and Emma we called you…so you can talk to Kerry and she don't cry…"

Meredith's eyes filled with sentimental tears. "Meghan sweetie, can you go get your Mommy…I really want to talk to her…"

"She be mad Aunty M…"

"I'll talk to her...ok, so she knows why you called me. Will you take the phone to her please," and the little girl did as she was asked.

"Mer…" Derek asked when Mark left, "what's wrong…"

"Nothing," she smiled, "everything's perfect."

"Why are there tears in your eyes?"

"Happy crying…" she said and brushed his lips, just as she heard his sister's voice.

"Jenna," Meredith said, leaning back against her husband. "I heard my goddaughter wants to talk to me…and her godfather."

_A/N 27Jul-Their Thanksgiving celebrations in Seattle and back East are not over yet…I just didn't want to keep waiting to post an update, hence...more parts to follow._


	217. Chapter 217

_A/N 9/21/10- Thanks to all of you reading and commenting on this last chapter. Few unexpected bumps along the way during the last month, and it's been impossible to respond to each of your comments individually. Things should be back to "normal" now, and have posted chapter for OB long overdue, and epilogue of HR so that story is now completed. Expect to update SD this weekend, and keep up with new chapters at least every two weeks. Thanks again for your continued support and interest in reading the rest of this story. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_A/N 8/30/10 - Thanks so very much to each of you still interested in this story, and heartfealt thanks for the comments after the last chapter. Apologies have not been able to respond to each one. Some unexpected bumps along the way, including laptop crashing. Will do my best to have the next chapter posted by of Sep 12. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first…part 2**_

_Our first…Thanksgiving trip..._

"Nana, they're here, it's Dr. Mewedith and Dr. Shep," Kelly said excitedly as soon as she heard the doorbell, and abandoning the rest of the family ran after the housekeeper to the door. "Dr. Shep," the little girl smiled at him, but wrapped her small arms around Meredith. "We was waiting lots and lots of time…and Nana Maggie said we had to eat…but we saved you food…and the bestest mashed potatoes in the whole world…cause it's Thanksgiving…and we gots supwises cause it's a really really special day," her eyes twinkled as she spoke.

Derek picked her up and hugged her before they walked toward the family gathered and carrying on various conversations in the Mulligan's dining room, where a table was set up for at the very least thirty, and he glanced over at Meredith and smiled at his wife's apparent ease with the inevitable and numerous family introductions to follow.

"It is a special day," Meredith told Kelly, "because, we also get to see you."

"And Sean," Kelly looked up to Meredith, "cause my baby brother loves you lots and lots."

"And Sean," Meredith smiled indulgently, as the little girl held on to her hand and Derek's pulling them along as she walked between them.

John Mulligan, Kelly's grandfather, greeted them warmly, extending his hand to them both. "Derek, Meredith, Happy Thanksgiving and welcome…though you've had the official and most important one already," he smiled at his granddaughter.

"Meredith," Maggie Mulligan hugged her and then, "Derek…we are so blessed…so very blessed this year…and because of you…this is the most special of Thanksgivings."

"There you are," Colleen's mother joined them, "we had a hard time getting started without you," and hugged them both with sincere affection, "but, managed somehow…"

"Nana," Kelly finally decided, "no grown up talk…"

"Sweetie," Colleen's mother said, "you know better than that…"

"But Nana…I waited lots and lots today and we had dinner without Dr. Mewedith and Dr. Shep…and…they…"

"Kelly Margaret," her other grandmother said softly.

"I'm sorry…Nana…and Nana Maggie…it's not nice to whine…"

Meredith found her adorable, admittedly having a soft spot for her, "Kelly...we'll spend time talking before we go…ok?"

"Meredith," Colleen's mother said, "you are spoiling her…"

Meredith reacted immediately, "I'm sorry…I didn't mean to undermine what you said…"

"Oh sweetheart," Colleen's mother embraced her, "we're all guilty …especially this year…and you can do all the spoiling you want…that you'd want to means so much."

"Grandpa," Kelly pulled on his hand, "they gots to meet Nonna…cause she's special and it was the bestest supwise…in the whole world…" and then she turned delightedly at the woman that approached. "Nonna," she wrapped her arms around her and looked up to her, "ti voglio bene…"

"Mia cara, ti voglio tanto bene…" the older woman replied, "you've learned your lessons…in just a few days, you'll remember all that Nonna taught you."

"Cause I smart…"

"You're very smart…" the great grandmother smiled and lifted her in her arms.

"Nonna," Kelly smiled, her eyes twinkling as she began to whisper to her, "I tolds you…today was special cause you gots to meet Dr. Shep and he fixed me so good…and Dr. Mewedith…"

"You certainly did…and I'm very happy about that," she kissed Kelly's cheek. "Meredith and Derek…finally I can say thank you in person. I'm Margaret O'Connell, since my family seems to have forgotten their manners."

"Dr. Mewedith" Kelly smiled, "tolds you about supwises…I gots Nonna's name…just like Nana Maggie…I gots their names."

"Mamma," her daughter scolded lightly, using the familiar Italian title of her mother's first language and extended her arms to take Kelly. "You should not be lifting her."

"Nonsense Maggie. I'm fit as a fiddle…and walk five miles a day, and you know I have every intention of cycling the entire lake during my eightieth birthday year," and she winked at Meredith making her feel completely at ease.

"I go with you Nonna…"

"You certainly will Kelly Margaret," her great-grandmother hugged her, "and we'll see if we can get your old Nana Maggie to go with us…since it's going to be your special birthday year too… my very first great granddaughter will be five years old."

"Nonna," Kelly grabbed both her cheeks and giggled, "Nana Maggie's not old like you…she just likes to sleep a lot on Sunday…like Mommy and Daddy…cause they lock the door…and we gots to wait to cuddle…Nonna…did you know only mommies and daddies can sleep without pajamas…"

"Oh God," Colleen walked in just in time to say hear that, "Kelly…sweetie…Aunt Shannon wanted you to help her with the baby…"

"Nonna," the little girl kissed the older woman's cheek, "I gots to go help with my baby cousin, cause Aunt Shannon is nervous cause Uncle Mike's parents aren't fwiendly like Paddy and Nana… "

"Colleen," the amused voice asked after her great granddaughter was out of hearing range, "should I be expecting to hear from Kelly that she's going to be a big sister again?"

"Not unless John's cheating on me," she teased and both women laughed, as the older one put her arm around Colleen's waist and said, "as if that would ever happen. I've never seen a boy more enamored with his bride…except for his great grandfather…"

"You miss him," Colleen kissed the older woman's cheek. Meredith and Derek witnessed the affection between the family members and she squeezed his hand gently and smiled at him.

"All the time…"

"Mamma," Maggie Mulligan walked to her side, "please, don't be sad…"

"Mia cara," her mother replied softly, "we have too much to celebrate today." Then a gentle reprimand, "Maggie, you have not been a very good hostess, keeping Dr. Shep…and Dr. Mewedith," she mimicked her great granddaughter, "standing here. Now that the little chatter box has run off, I must tell you again…I truly am honored to meet you, please take a seat at the table so you can enjoy dinner… we've been waiting for you before we have dessert."

"As you can see," John Mulligan laughed, "my mother in law has no qualms in pointing out our lack of…"

"We could have said, lack of social graces or social formalities," Margaret replied. "But…tonight there is no need for that, because from all I hear…you are very dear to this family and because of you…this is indeed a very Blessed day of Thanksgiving," she said and without any reservations bridged the distance between them and first hugged Derek. "Thank you, Derek, for saving our little one's life."

"No thanks are needed," Derek said with genuine sincerity. "We are grateful too…that I was there that day."

"Meredith," the woman turned to her, smiled softly, "my little one's very special friend," she hugged her tightly and whispered, "Kelly is so lucky to have you, Brianna's parents."

Meredith's quiet gasp was not unnoticed by those around her, "you know…"

"I know…and we're blessed," Meredith felt the soft skin of the palm of her hand against her cheek, a grandmother's gentle loving touch, "so very blessed, you've shared your precious angel."

"Kelly," Meredith's eyes filled with tears, as she whispered, "has been my angel too."

"Mamma," Maggie said, equally moved as were the group of adults present. "We have forgotten our manners, but you are right that Meredith and Derek are like family," and just then a little whirlwind collided with Derek's legs and was immediately lifted up and Sean's giggles brought added joy before he turned to Meredith.

"T," Sean reached to grab Meredith's hair, which had become his customary greeting.

"Meredith," Margaret said, "since I got here three days ago, that either means aunty or pretty…take your pick."

"Hi Sean," Meredith smiled, taking him from Derek and kissing his cheek.

"No…t…" he giggled again and gave her a drooly kiss before cuddling with her.

"I've missed you too," Meredith said softly, and smiled at Derek whose hand was on the small of her back, as they joined the rest of the family, and all laughed as a couple of the kids comments were loud enough to hear.

"Eat dinner fast," the older kids, that already met them in the past, made no secret of their impatience, "so we can have dessert."

"Not so fast," the Matriarch commented as she walked to the couch, "we're missing a handful of guests…"

"Nonna, I'll go get Paddy and Uncle Mike," one the cousins, though technically not her grandchild, said and ran out to the terrace.

"Meredith and Derek are here," Colleen's father's voice boomed a few minutes later, "guess we're ready for dessert," he walked over to greet them as several others followed indoors, and his grandson extended his chubby arms to him.

"Dee," Sean said to his beaming grandfather.

"He knows my name," Paddy Murphy told Meredith

"Antonio," Derek smiled as he recognized the couple, and the two men shook hands.

"Angela," Meredith walked over to her, and just as quickly hugged her. "I had no idea you'd be here."

"Tolds you Dr. Mewedith," a tiny hand captured hers and squeezed, "we had supwises…cause they fly over in a big big plane so Nonna don't fly all by herself."

"This is the first year," Angela explained, "since her husband passed away, and we hadn't been here in a couple years, it was good to get away."

"How long will you be here?" Meredith asked.

"A little over two weeks," Angela smiled, "and I hope we'll see you again."

"Oh you will," Meredith told her, thinking of the best way for her and Derek to show their appreciation for their graciousness during their stay in Lake Como.

"Mrs. Mulligan," Meredith said minutes after she and Derek were seated at the table, and their dinner served. "Kelly is right, these are the best mashed potatoes I've ever tasted."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly was sitting next to her, "Nana Maggie didn't cook …Nana did."

"I thought one was Nana and the other Granma," Derek leaned in discreetly.

"Confused?" Meredith raised an eyebrow at him teasingly.

"Aren't you?"

"No," Meredith smiled at him. "Mrs. Murphy, you already know I can't cook…but, I'd love to learn how to make these."

"Meredith dear," Anne Murphy replied, mischief in the Irish eyes, "it's an old family recipe…"

"Old family recipe," Margaret said, blatantly lying, "I've been trying to get it for years."

"I knows it Nonna…cause I saw Nana make it lots and lots of times…"

"The fraud," Margaret laughed, and winked at Meredith, "the truth is about to be told."

"Oh…you old meddler," Anne Murphy laughed good naturedly, "as if you haven't known for years. Go ahead, Meredith's family now, tell her the secret recipe."

"Nonna," John Sr. put his arm around his mother in law, "I can't believe you're allowing her to call you an old meddler."

"I can't very well argue with the truth," she told him, and everyone around them laughed. "That poor auld wan, if only she knew what you've done to her recipe."

"That poor auld wan," Anne laughed at the description of her mother, "as you well know, is the one that taught me."

"Who," a short petite woman came in the room holding Shannon's three month old baby, "is calling me and old woman," the Irish brogue ever present, "or need I guess it's that Swiss wannabe Irish…" and went to sit next to Margaret who had roared with laughter. "Isn't this the most precious baby you've ever seen? Black Irish too."

"You say that about every grandchild," Margaret reached for him, "and you're right, he looks like your Daniel."

"Mommy," Kelly said as her mother entered the room bringing one of the many desserts, "you gots to listen again, cause Nana said it's ok to tell her secret for the bestest mashed potatoes, and you forgets all the time."

Colleen laughed. "Mom…do share that secret with us."

"Oh for the love of …" Helen, Colleen's grandmother began to say.

"Helen," Margaret said to the friend sitting beside her, "little pitchers…"

"See Dr. Mewedith…old people…say that…like Daddy and Dr. Shep…"

"Helen," Margaret smiled, "we have ourselves one smart little one."

"We certainly do," Helen smiled at her old friend, "just like the great grandmothers. Kelly sweetie...you can tell everyone the secret to your Nana's recipe."

"Nana Helen…but it's your secret…not Nana's…"

"Oh…let's spit it out already," Paddy Murphy said. "They're instant mashed potatoes," and Meredith and Derek looked at one another and the entire room began to laugh.

"Instant…" several of the relatives repeated. "Anne Murphy, we've had to listen to your secret recipe crap for thirty years…and they're instant…"

"Not my fault, it's Mum's recipe," she shrugged her shoulders, "but the real secret is in the cream cheese…and when …"

"Helen," one of the Mulligan's daughter in law laughed, "I can't believe you'd advocate instant…when you've made us all feel guilty if we even considered jars of baby food instead of homemade vegetable purees."

"No potatoes in those," Helen answered.

"What's the difference?" The younger woman insisted with a grin.

"Being the youngest of ten and always stuck with potato peeling duties," Helen said. "When I came to America to visit Anne, before her first child was born, we went to the grocery store and I discovered the wonderful box of instant potatoes,and I perfected the recipe, and told her she should never peel a potato as long as she lived, that I'd already done plenty of it."

"Mommy…" Kelly interrupted, "how comes you always forget…and use that funny little knife to take the skin off the potatoes?"

"Mum," Anne Murphy walked over to hug her mother, "good luck convincing Colleen, she and John…and your other grandkids are all into organic…and…"

"Organic," the two Matriarchs said simultaneously, "hogwash."

"Nana Maggie," one of her grandchildren said, "can we please eat desserts now…we're starving."

"Instant…" Meredith laughed as she turned to Derek, "I can manage that…"

"You think?" he teased her.

"Maybe Kelly can teach me," she smiled as they held each other's gaze, and Derek leaned in ever so slightly, holding back his desire to brush her lips.

"Go on boyo," Margaret said, "you can kiss her…we're not so old we don't remember."

"She's right about that," Helen said. "Except this auld wan thinks she's more Irish than me…boyo…indeed," and the two women chuckled; their friendship one that had spanned the course of more than seven decades; and as they sat looking over their family, they exchanged smiles and a knowing look as Sean walked over to Meredith.

"T," Sean said, "up…"

"Sean," Meredith smiled delightedly, "you know a new word," and Derek lifted him and placed him in her arms, and the little boy immediately laid his head on her shoulder.

"Helen," Margaret said, "I'm more Irish than you in many ways…"

"Aye…Maggie," she used the childhood name, "you are…what are you thinking…"

"Not thinking…knowing things Helen…just like my Michael…"

"Tell me old friend," Helen smiled at her sleeping great grandson.

"Look at Sean," Margaret smiled, "do you remember when our grandchildren first met…when John first saw Colleen in her bassinet," they both smiled at the memory. "Our childhood friendship, our grandchildren marrying each other…fate had decided that long ago, and like us… Meredith and Derek…there's a bond there…one that will last well beyond their lifetime."

"Sean," Helen smiled knowingly. "Think we'll be around to see it…"

"We will…just like my grandson…and his great-grandfather…love at first sight, and you know what Helen…I'm thinking I'll have plenty of time to coordinate that visit."

"As long as you let me on it…"

"You live here," Margaret said, "you auld wan."

"Old age is getting to you Margaret. Have you forgotten already, you've invited me to take that cycling tour along the Lake?"

"We have plenty of time," the old friend was certain. "There are still a couple wee one's to welcome before our boy is smitten."

"Nonna," John approached his grandmother, "you said you wanted to wait…until later…until dessert to say a few words."

"Grazie caro…it's much easier now," and she placed the baby in his great-grandmother's arms and allowed her grandson to walk with her toward the center of the table, and got everyone's attention

"This," Margaret began, her grandson and three daughters by her side, "has been a sad and joyous year for our family…and we began our meal with prayers of thanks…and for the first time in many years…I found myself unable to speak…as I would have done, if my Michael was here…but, this was his favorite part of the Thanksgiving meal…the desserts," she said, and some smiles and tears were seen among the family gathered, "saving the best for last, other than the infamous mashed potatoes Helen taught him to make so many years ago," she smiled at her old friend, both widowed now.

"Mamma," Maggie said with concern, "you don't have to do this."

"He loved this day, all the family gathered and always he waited till dessert, to end the day to give thanks…as I do tonight…as he would have done…and so," she took a deep breath, "we give thanks for all our family, our friends, our health," she looked and met Meredith and Derek's gaze, "this year we are so very blessed…with four new babies, two wee one's here tonight…and for the precious gift of life preserved, for our countless prayers being answered when we had no idea what was wrong with Kelly, and then God answered us with the best surgeon to treat her, for Derek treating her just in time and for the priceless gift of her full recovery…and Derek and Meredith became part of our family…Michael…if he were here would remind me that our loved ones are never far away…that we don't lose them when they leave us…that they remain in our hearts and our lives forever…every time we think of them, they are in our lives…until the day we will meet again … for our children…grandchildren…friends…all part of our family, we are grateful dear Lord…we Thank You for your many blessings…we Thank You for having Angels and loved ones watching over us…" and as she spoke, Meredith and Derek continued to heal and God smiled, as the gift of Faith and Sight had been so accurately accepted by the Matriarchs of the family; indeed they would witness the bonds of generations to come.

Derek and Meredith spent almost two hours at the Mulligans before heading home, but not before Meredith agreed she would be back to in the weeks ahead, a promised made not only to one of the youngest member of the family, but to its Matriarch.

"Our first Thanksgiving," Derek lay on his side, his hand caressing his wife's naked back as she lay contentedly on her stomach, her face turned, their gazes held.

"Together…and happy…" she said echoing each other's words from earlier that morning, "and old and new friends and family…"

"And married," it was his turn to say that now, and his lips met hers, and unlike the early hours of the morning, spent fondly remembering the first seven anniversary celebrations; now the tender gentle caresses and whispered words of love, suddenly and unexpectedly accepted a true gift of faith and their eyes met.

Meredith lay on her back, the warmth of Derek's fingertips barely upon her skin leaving her breathless, their dreams and hopes reflected in the penetrating gazes that were incapable of looking way, and then, the warmth of his gentle touch, his fingertips reverently caressing her abdomen, each mesmerized by unshed tears of joy…as they took it on faith…the absolute certainty that this, their first Thanksgiving, a year of shattered dreams that had also brought immeasurable love and unbreakable bonds and commitment, was the beginning of a year where promised dreams would be fulfilled.

"Pay up," Cristina turned to Mark and smiled as she saw the couple holding hands walk toward them at the departure lounge area

"You can't know they had sex," Mark told her.

"Mer," Cristina said smugly, "we thought you were going to miss the flight."

"Why?" Meredith replied absently, smiling at her husband as he put his arm around her.

"It's almost ten fifteen … flight's boarding soon," Cristina answered.

"Derek knew it wouldn't be very busy tonight, and we have no luggage to check, so getting here an hour before departure was plenty of time."

"But didn't you go to the Mulligans," Cristina commented, "figured you'd delayed."

"We did," Derek said, "for a couple of hours in fact. But we got to leave the hospital at five, so we were home by eight…and left for the airport at nine thirty."

"You were saying," Cristina smirked at Mark when their friends sat down, and like two spellbound lovers, smiled at one another, oblivious to all but each other; Derek's thumb gently stroking the back of her hand; the intimate caress a silent affirmation of I love you.

"You said they'd be rushing to get here at the last minute," Mark mumbled.

"Just because they're not panting and running to get to the gate does not mean anything, trust me…ninety minutes at home…alone…you owe me…"

"Cristina," Meredith turned to her, "where's Lexie?"

"She decided to get some snacks, she knows they won't be serving anything and I told her to buy some magazines she could memorize…she's not going to keep me up talking."

Derek looked over at Mark, his eyebrow raised, questioning, while Mark shook his head.

"You made it," Lexie joined them. "Cristina and Mark bet you'd be rushing in at the last minute. How was it at the Mulligan's? How are Kelly & Sean?"

"Adorable," Meredith told her, "and the other babies, Colleen's nephews are so sweet," Derek smiled, thankful his wife's heart continued to heal. "We had a really nice time, there had to be over forty people and they made us feel very welcome…and about twelve kids right Derek?"

"Mer…" Cristina said, "who are you? Families and lots of little people…and it was nice."

Meredith laughed and then smiled at Derek, "happy…married me… Cristina…it's not just our first Thanksgiving today…but our eight month wedding anniversary."

Lexie smiled softly at her sister and brother in law, "your first Thanksgiving and an anniversary," and Meredith noticed the sadness in her eyes.

"It's also special," Meredith said, "because we got to spend part of it with all of you."

"Not to mention your three kids," Cristina said, attempting to diffuse what could surely become more emotional than she wanted to witness.

"Our three kids," Derek chuckled, "two of them…" he looked at Mark and Cristina, and brought up Lexie's comment. "Apparently old enough to bet on…"

"You two were betting," Meredith said suddenly, "that's what Lexie meant…on what?"

"If sex was going to make you late or miss the flight altogether…" Mark drawled.

"You are unbelievable," Meredith said indignantly.

"Mer," Derek drew her closer to him and kissed the top of her head, "honey…at least they know us well…there's good communication," he teased.

"Honey…" Meredith looked at him, before she burst out laughing, "honey…"

"Isn't that what's expected…when we have three grown up kids?" Derek joked.

"Oh God…" Cristina groaned. "Sloan…we're in for saccharine overdose on top of Shepherdville bonding."

"So," Derek said, "what's the bet, and who won?"

"I did," Cristina said.

"You did not," Mark argued.

"I think she did," Lexie said.

"You're going to take her side?" Mark said.

"Mark," Lexie told him, "it's not about taking sides."

"Sloan," Cristina said, "do you seriously think they had ninety minutes at home…hell, even twenty minutes on their anniversary…corny crap as that is…who the hell celebrates monthly anniversaries…and not had sex?"

"Mark," Derek looked at him, "son…I'm disappointed in you…how could you think we wouldn't?"

Meredith, who'd been trying to control her laughter, buried her face in the crook of Derek's neck.

"Ok…" Cristina said, "I think I've had enough of this…it's embarrassing to have your parents behave this way," and the five friends' laughter filled the otherwise quiet and not very crowded waiting area.

"By the way," Mark asked, "if you guys left the house at nine thirty, what took you so long to get to the gate?"

Meredith and Derek just smiled.

"Surely…" Mark said, "there's no way…not here…"

"We stopped at Starbucks," Derek laughed, "Mer loves their Madeleine's."

The gate agent made the boarding announcement, welcoming passengers in first class to board. "Derek," Meredith said, "can't we just go in the back…it's not that long a flight and I feel horrible that Cristina and Lexie…"

"Let's go…" Derek kissed her quickly. "I think they'll be fine."

"Lexie, Yang," Mark said, "let's board."

"They've only called first class," Lexie said, "we have to wait till…"

"I'm sure they won't mind," Mark said, "if you board with us so we can help with your bags," he pulled on Lexie's hand and walked to the boarding area where Mark let Cristina go first.

"Ms. Yang," the agent said as the boarding pass was scanned, "just a second, we had to switch your seats."

"Why? I booked this over a month ago…and requested a window seat."

"I think you'll like the new seat better," the woman smiled, and also took the boarding pass for Lexie that Mark handed to her, "just a second," she said and came back with two new boarding passes.

"There's got to be a mistake," Lexie said, "we had seats together and…these are…"

"Go on Lexie, Yang," Mark said, "there's no mistake."

Cristina turned to him, "did you? Mark you changed these?"

"You're holding up the line," Mark said, "argue inside."

"There's no line," Cristina said, "and only two other people have boarded."

The five boarded their flight, and Mark indeed placed their bags in the overhead bins accordingly; Meredith and Derek were sitting together in the second row of first class, while Mark and Lexie were behind them and Cristina across the aisle at the window.

"Mark," Lexie said, "I don't understand how we got upgraded, our tickets were bought a long time ago."

"You had something do to with this," Meredith leaned into Derek.

"We both did," Derek said, "it was actually Mark's idea."

"Lexie," Mark told her, "we can't very well leave the two of you in the back. It's rude."

"Sloan," Cristina said, "when has that ever worried you?"

"Cristina," Lexie admonished. "He did a nice thing…"

"I get the feeling," Cristina who was standing in the aisle, looked over to Meredith and Derek, "Dad had something to do with it."

"Hey," Derek smiled at them, "we couldn't very well let the kids sit alone in the back."

"Happy Thanksgiving Lexie…Yang…" Mark said, "after our last trip together," he teased, "I'd get bored traveling without you," and he and Lexie exchanged smiled, "and Lexie is going to keep me company while we eat dinner."

"You go right ahead and do that…Lexiepedia can keep you entertained this time."

"Yang," Mark said, "you slept the whole trip back from Venice."

"You weren't there," Cristina told him, "she kept talking about every little detail."

"I did not," Lexie argued, "you're the one jotted notes so we could compare them with Mark after he got back…"

"Children," Derek said, "behave, or your Mother's going to ground you," and their comment and laughter made the rest of the passengers boarding the aircraft wonder who the parents and children could be.

"Ms. Yang," the flight attendant approached her, "would you like to drink anything before we take off?" The options offered during this short period were only orange juice and champagne and they all accepted a glass of champagne.

"Mr. Shepherd," the flight attendant smiled at him, "what would you like to drink?"

"My husband and I," Meredith said, "will both have a glass of champagne."

"Grey," Mark chuckled as he stood up behind them, "I forgot plane trips bring out your jealous streak. Yang," Mark said, "sis…you have to hear this."

"Oh shut up…" Meredith told him, as Cristina's curiosity got the best of her and joined them, standing across from them, leaving the aisle clear.

"Mr. Shepherd," the woman returned, "Ms. Grey," she paused, "here's your...wait …I remember you were on this flight before…and your children," the woman said, her tone judgmental, "you had several young children… you left them for Thanksgiving?""

Mark choked on the recently sipped champagne, Lexie's eyes grew wide, Cristina raised an eyebrow and Derek smiled; Meredith wanted to smack both men.

"We're all attending a family baptism," Derek started smoothly, "my side of the family," and then he lied. "The girls are so young, all under five and this trip is so short it would be too disruptive for them, my mother in law is staying with them. They adore the attention from their grandmother; she positively dotes on them, doubt they'll miss us."

The look on Meredith's face was priceless at the mention of the doting grandmother; but much more so, that of their traveling companions. "My husband is right, except for the baby, even though, she's also used to us working late a few times a week and weekends. My mother loves to spoil them, they'll probably be more upset that we come back and Mom won't be at their beck and call. They already wanted Granma when we tucked them in before coming to the airport tonight."

"It's nice they have grandparents to spoil them," the flight attendant became a bit less judgmental over their presumed abandonment of their children on the expected Thanksgiving weekend holiday. "If I recall…you have twins…and all girls…"

"You have an excellent memory," Derek said, "twins are almost five, and our middle one just turned three," Mark looked on incredulously, "and the baby is just starting to walk."

"I'm sure you have beautiful children," the woman smiled at him.

"Our girls are beautiful," Meredith commented, not pleased this woman was again flirting with her husband, "but, we're hoping for a boy next time, that looks just like his father."

"You're having more?" The woman was taken aback.

"We've decided on six…" Derek reached for Meredith's hand, "and hoping at least one is a boy, but it doesn't really matter if we have all girls."

The pilot's voice stopped any further conversation, as he greeted the passengers and told them they'd be ready to close the aircraft doors in about five minutes. "I'll be back to get your glasses," the woman stated, "and your preference for your meal as soon as we reach cruising altitude."

"Meredith," Lexie was the first to speak, "what…Mer…what was that all about…four kids…twins…and a baby?"

"Ellis is babysitting," Cristina said, "talk about needing ghostbusters."

"I think," Mark drawled, "this calls for a toast. To Mom & Dad…and that Mom's jealous streak doesn't interfere with …"

Meredith had turned around on her seat, and playfully smacked the back of his head, "don't be disrespectful," and the five roared with laughter.

"Mer," Cristina said, "you have to tell us about this…"

"Yang," Mark said, "don't worry, it will be a hell of a lot more fun to share this with the rest of the family," and they each settled in their seats getting ready for takeoff.

Cristina immediately took out her ipod and closed her eyes; Lexie and Mark laughed several times, while Meredith and Derek shared an amusing and intimate conversation.

"Uhmmm," Meredith's lips were on his, "sleep…"

"Derek," she said quietly, "wake up…"

"Why…" he mumbled, "I don't snore."

"Ass," she bit his lip playfully.

He opened one eye, "you woke me up…"

"Get up," she whispered.

"Why?"

"Look behind you."

"Mer…why are you up, and why am I looking behind me?"

"Just do it," she said, "so you can help me with this."

Reluctantly he did as she asked, "ok?"

"Derek…" she glared at him.

"What…they're sleeping. How much trouble can they get into?"

"My sister is asleep on Mark's chest, and he has his arms around her."

"What do you want me to do? Call him out? Have Cristina as my second? I'm not sure she'd be on my side anyway."

"Oh, you ass," she leaned into him, burying her face in the crook of his neck and giggling. "It's my sister Derek…"

"And," he kissed the top of her head, "she's asleep…and so is he."

"I don't want him to hurt her…she's pretty vulnerable."

"They get along Meredith," Derek spoke quietly. "What's wrong with that?"

"He's so much older…and Derek…he's not one to be faithful."

"Aren't you jumping the gun a bit?"

"He didn't have to sit with her…she could have sat with Cristina."

"Really," he challenged.

"Fine," she rolled her eyes, "so, you're probably right."

"Mer, they enjoy each other's company. That much is obvious…the rest…"

"Time will tell," she said, and snuggled into him. She'd have to talk to Carolyn.

"Can you believe it," he chuckled quietly, "we got the same flight attendant."

"My mother," she looked up at him, "babysitting?"

"I'd like to think," he brushed her lips, "she'd have come around eventually."

"Thank you," Meredith's eyes watered.

"Hey…" he caressed her face tenderly, "no tears."

"You…" she said, and placed her lips on his, lingering, feeling safe; in his arms, always. "For the first time in my life…you being in my life…I've felt…what Thanksgiving should be…I've got so much to give thanks for…all that we've overcome…our sadness… somehow …our own precious angel," he kissed away the tears, "even that has turned to hope…and now…you turn my mother into a doting grandmother…and make me think of the possibilities…worthy of fairy tales...and maybe I can believe she could have come around…"

"I believe," he cupped her face, "all that we've been through this year…the sadness…our loss…led us to now…and we've been given many spiritual gifts Meredith…and for that we should be thankful…we've been blessed in many ways…and along the way…I believe….Ellis became a grandmother…"

Her soft gasp lasted but seconds, long enough for him to wrap his arms around her, and for her to voice the feelings of her soul, "because of you…I'm so very blessed…"

"Because of us," he whispered, "we are blessed…because you…are extraordinary…I love you Meredith."

"I love you, Derek…I love you so much," and they shared a tender intimate kiss that spoke of love whose depth and commitment knows no boundaries; of faith restored and because of it…inexplicable and spiritual blessings were once again present in the lives of two soul mates destined to be together for a lifetime, and in that split second in time their souls knew joy in the certainty that promised dreams would be fulfilled…that future celebrations of Thanksgiving would bring bountiful blessings.

"Our first," Meredith said, "Thanksgiving…"

"Could you sense it…" he whispered, "that feeling…"

"I could…" she said, "our first of many days filled with blessings…the first of a lifetime of Thanksgivings…with friends…and family…"

"And children…" Derek smiled, "the children in your dreams…"

"Yes…" she whispered, "the children in my dreams…"

The flight landed on time and before eight in the morning they had picked up the rental car and Derek was driving to Carolyn's.

"You got a van…a seven passenger van. Shep what the hell's wrong with you? Van's are for mom's carpooling kids and …"

Lexie was sitting next to Mark, his arm draped around her shoulders, and whispered something in her ear before she rested her head against him.

Cristina smiled, she had a bet to discuss with Mama Shepherd.

"We're traveling with kids," Derek shrugged, "our first road trip…"

_A/N – 8/19/10 - Thanks to each of you still interested in reading and heartfelt appreciation to all of you that commented on the last chapter. Hope you won't mind the extended Mulligan family I decided to write about…there are a couple of reasons as the story continues to unfold, and as the chapter portrayed "Thanksgiving Day," it brought back poignant moments of those the first Thanksgivings we've shared after losing much loved pillars of our family; always we defer to our elders to give thanks…and it is always a moment of poignant remembrance and celebration where tears and laughter and children's giggles (often followed by a mother's smack in the head for their irreverence)have been woven into the Thanksgiving prayer, and it was with that in mind that I wrote this chapter and chose to honor the ever present memory of much loved grandparents. _


	218. Chapter 218

_A/N 10/17 - Glad there are readers, I just looked at stats before I got ready to begin writing the next chapter, but after initial comments...nothing today & yesterday... uhmm...discouraging a bit. Enjoy your Sunday, if you liked or disliked chapter, please let do let me know. Thanks, Jasmiin_

_A/N 10/16 - Thanks so much to each of you that's commented on this last chapter. I was not sure at all about it, whether you'd find it acceptable after such a long absence, but your words have been so very inspiring to get the next one written. Warmest regards, Jasmin_

_A/N 10/15/10 It really does humble and amaze me there are still readers interested in this story. Apologies for the delay, life sent a few unexpected bumps as you know…and then you still need to work for a living! I had to get back into the characters, and this chapter did that for me… I truly will do all possible to have another chapter written by next week, and weekly thereafter till its conclusion. Yes, you may see several parts to Ch 199…_

_Thank you so very much to each of you that has commented in the last few chapters, it is the reason I still feel so very committed to continue the story as always intended. Please, do continue to let me know your thoughts about this, I will do my best to start keeping up with comments again. This chapter is not as long as usual, and perhaps just a bit different than what you expected, but tonight's epi made me determined to get a bit of fluff finished with this chapter and post it tonight. Meredith & Derek's last scene on Grey's tonight, I found heartbreaking in its reality and heartwarming in the love and commitment to each other. _

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 3**_

_**Our first…Shepherd Thanksgiving**_

Friday dawned at its expected time, on the East coast, on the day after Thanksgiving while Meredith and Derek's family from both coasts were respectively excited or doubtful in regard to the family reunion about to take place; two sets of five individuals, _children_ among them, at two different places were anxious to get the day on its way and acted accordingly; by the end of the day Carolyn Shepherd would wonder how it was possible the younger children were much better behaved than the three west coast _kids, _and would forever remember the bonds of family forged on this very special day; the first Shepherd Thanksgiving shared with her son and new daughter.

Derek and Meredith smiled as he pulled up the driveway of his childhood home, and before Derek shut off the engine, four bundled up children raced out of the house toward their aunt and uncle, Jake barking and following close behind.

"Uncle Derek…Aunt Merdith…Aunt Meredith," three voices echoed as the two got out of the car.

"Aunty M," the smallest whirlwind of excitement was the first to reach Meredith who shocking her three _children_ opened her arms wide and immediately lifted Meghan and hugged her, "we've been waiting lots and lots…since it was dark…"

"And Granma told us we had to go back to sleep," Emma said as she smiled at her aunt who bent down to hug her and kissed the top of her head. "But we were too excited…so we pretended …"

"Aunty M," Meghan whispered, "Emma uses big words…cause of she's bigger…but she means we tolds Granma we be good and go back to sleep, but she went back to her room…and we gots to sleep in Mommy's room in the big bed, and my cousin Emma and my big sister Katie and Rebecca we talked and talked…but me was tired and fall asleep and then Katie waked me up when the sun was out…"

"Aunt Merdith," Katie greeted her, grinning as her uncle held her, "we missed you yesterday, but now we get to have Thanksgiving all over again," Derek and Meredith exchanged confused glances as he took Meghan from Meredith and she hugged Katie and Rebecca.

"We missed you too," Meredith smiled at the four girls, "but girls are you supposed to be out here by yourselves."

"Jake's with us," Rebecca said, "to protect us and Granma said it was no use trying to hold us back, cause she's just as excited but the timer went off in the oven and she couldn't risk the pies getting burned."

Mark, meanwhile, had helped to get their bags unloaded and Lexie grabbed Meredith's purse. Cristina looked at her friend in disbelief, as the almost surreal family greetings unfolded before her.

"Uncle Derek," Rebecca said, "who are the other people, are you going to introduce us?"

Meredith laughed at Nancy's youngest choice of words. "Aunty M," Meghan reached for her hand, "I not know them…"

"You will," Meredith bent down to be at eye level, "let's get inside, it's cold out here," and Derek smiled at the motherly instincts; the temperatures, indeed in the low thirties.

"Mark," Derek called out, "you need help?"

"We got it," Mark responded and quipped, "you're better with the kids. I'll handle the baggage," and shot a glance at Cristina.

"Sloan," Cristina said, "are you implying we're …"

"Mark," Lexie said, "that was not very nice, we're …"

"Lex," Mark smiled at her, "I needed to see if she was still breathing, she looked like she was going to get in the driver's seat and drive away when she saw Meredith surrounded by the four kids."

"Ass," Cristina said.

"Let me warn you," Mark told her, "the minute you walk in the door…vocabulary becomes G rated…not to be confused with any other G-references you may be familiar with…"

"You're really a manwhore," Cristina told him, "mind in the gutter…all the time."

"See," Mark winked at Lexie, "back to her old self again…"

They'd almost reached the front door when Carolyn appeared. "I was getting as impatient as the girls," Carolyn smiled, opening the door widely, "but the oven timer had gone off."

"Ma," Derek was the first to greet her with a kiss and a hug, "I've missed you."

"Oh sweetheart, it's so good to have you here again," and then turned to hug Meredith tightly, "and you…I can't tell you how special this Thanksgiving has become, a new granddaughter and my newest daughter…here with her family," she smiled as she looked at the three adults walking close behind them.

"Ma," Derek joked, "our first family road trip went remarkably well."

"Grown up talk again," Katie turned to her cousins, "it's no fun."

"I know," Emma echoed, "they'll totally ignore us."

"They're not going to ignore us," Rebecca said, "but they have to say hello first to Granma."

"There's pictures of him," Emma said, "Becky, don't you don't you remember? Mom says he's like a brother."

"Daddy says he's…" Rebecca snuck a peek at her grandmother, "he uses a really bad word."

Meredith and Derek held each other's gaze and attempted not to burst out laughing, while they got all the kids in the house including their three traveling companions.

"Children," Carolyn said teasingly and hugged each of the adult guests. "I'm so delighted you are joining us, we'll have all our family here," and with that comment she flawlessly and genuinely welcomed the three into her living room and the folds of her family.

"Granma," Katie said, as she looked at the scene in front of her, "why do you call them children? They're old."

"Granma," Emma, uncannily sensitive, interrupted, "she means they're grown ups…"

"Baby Kat," Mark remembered her nickname, "you've become a big girl since the last time I saw you."

"I not know you," Meghan said as she looked at Mark. "How come you knows my big sister has that name?"

"You're Meggie," Mark smiled at her.

"You knows my name too," Meghan exclaimed, "because of why?"

"Mark," Carolyn warned, "I need to check on some cinnamon rolls, keep in mind she's three years old."

"I know that," Mark said, "I've been around kids," and he crouched down to be eye level with Meghan. "I was there when you were born."

"I not remember…"

"Meggie," Rebecca said wisely, "if he was there when you were born, you were just a baby, just like Kerry…so you won't remember."

"She's my baby sister," Meghan said defiantly, "she don't forget me, she remembers me…all the time."

"Of course silly goose," Emma assured her little cousin, "cause she sees you every day…and knows you're her big sister."

"Cause I love her…lots and lots, and she knows that," Meghan said, and suddenly her eyes watered. "Emma," she turned to her older and presumably wiser cousin, "you mean if she not see me every day, she forgets me."

"Meggie," Meredith swooped the little girl up in her arms and went to sit on the couch, "of course she won't forget you, sweetie, she even remembers me when I talk to her on the phone…and she doesn't see me every day…"

"But," Meghan slightly pouted, making Meredith smile at the exact expression she'd seen on Jenna over chocolate cake, "Emma says Kerry remembers only cause of I see her every day…and I don't want her to forget me Aunty M…cause I get bigger and gots to go to school…and won't be home all the time."

"Leave it to you," Cristina said to Mark, "to create a crisis."

"I think," Meredith hugged her, "you have nothing to worry about…because you're a wonderful big sister."

"Cause I love Kerry so much, and I help Mommy take care of her," the little girl insisted.

"Yes," Meredith smiled at her, "and because she already loves you too."

Meghan's smile reflected the twinkle in her eyes as she placed her small hands on Meredith's face. "I love you Aunty M and so does my baby sister," and rested her forehead on Meredith's.

"Oh sweetie," Meredith kissed both her cheeks, "I love you both too…"

"Aunt Meredith," Rebecca who was standing by the couch with her three cousins spoke up, "you can't play favorites…Granma says…"

"Granma says what," Carolyn walked in the room holding a tray with several mugs. "For goodness sakes, why are you all standing around? Derek, where are your manners? Cristina, Lexie, please make yourselves at home. I'll show you to your rooms after breakfast."

"Aunty Merdith," Katie made herself comfortable next to her, "Rebecca is right…Granma says no favorites…and you already spent lots of time talking to Meggie."

"Cause of I'm little," Katie's sister said, "but she gots no favorites…just like Granma."

"That's right," Meredith said and hugged Katie to her, "and Granma's know everything."

"They do," Emma said, "even Nana Grace and she doesn't have any kids, but she's still got lots of grandchildren because we love her like Granma and Grandma Alice and Aunt Pat and they're even smarter than mommies."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "I'm impressed. Very well trained. Reminds me of Bailey."

"Cristina dear," Carolyn said, "you get my first cup of hot chocolate."

"If you have coffee…" Cristina started to say, as the four little girls looked on.

"Have this," Carolyn insisted, "it's much better dear."

"Sweeter, you mean," Mark smirked.

"Granma," Katie asked, "don't we get any hot chocolate…you make the bestest."

"You certainly will," Carolyn said, "we're all going to have breakfast in a few minutes, but we have to take care of our guests first."

"Granma," Rebecca said, "but you said they're family…"

"Yes, I did," Carolyn smiled, "but, family can also be guests especially when they've been traveling all night and it's very cold out there, so they'll want to warm up."

"And we have to be hospitable," Cristina raised an eyebrow at Emma's vocabulary, "and we get to learn from you, cause you're the best hostess," Emma smiled at her grandmother; a similar one on Carolyn's face as she hugged this very loved and sensitive grandchild.

"She has them brainwashed," Cristina whispered at Mark.

"Drink the chocolate Cristina," Meredith told her.

"What…" Cristina quipped, "you have bionic ears now? Thought it was only Mr. Incredible that has two million dollar hands and…"

"Cristina," Meredith her eyes widened.

"Grown up talk again," Katie rolled her eyes, and had everyone laughing.

"No more grown up talk," Derek laughed and grabbed Meghan from Meredith's lap and threw her up in the air as she giggled delightedly, "Ma, Mer's probably starving," he winked at his wife and put his arm around his mother's shoulder's as he carried his niece toward the kitchen, and the rest followed. "Let's have breakfast."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma was at her side before she had a chance to get up. "I'm really glad you're here. My mommy says you probably can come to our house this time."

"We're going to try," their gazes met, and Meredith knew this child, as Kelly, was meant to be in her life. "But you know it's going to be a really busy weekend."

"I know," Emma said sagely, "it's not like you're playing favorites, cause today we get to celebrate Thanksgiving again and it's Kerry's baptism, and she's still a newborn and you and Uncle Derek are the godparents so you want to spend time with her."

"We do want to spend time with her, but we'll also spend time with all of you," Meredith gently stroked the young girl's hair, and Emma caught a glimpse of her bracelet.

"This is really pretty," she touched the bracelet, "Granma has one and it's very special cause she got it from our Granpa… does your bracelet make you sad sometimes too?"

"Why would you think that?" Meredith was surprised by the question.

"Cause you have an angel…" Emma touched the small charm, "and sometimes Granma is sad that Granpa isn't here…but she tells us he's like our Guardian Angel," she looked up at Meredith. "Do you have a guardian angel Aunt Meredith, is this why you have a special charm?"

Meredith just nodded, marveling at Emma's sensitivity and maturity, well beyond her seven years. "Yes, I have a special guardian angel."

"Like Granpa?" Emma questioned. "Cause Granma knew him and my mommy and my aunts and Uncle Derek…but we didn't, but he's still ours even if we didn't know him cause he's in heaven."

"Yes," Meredith's eyes filled with tears she attempted to blink away. "Like your Granpa."

"I'm sorry," Emma said, and raised her hand to Meredith's cheek, wiping away the revealing tear; one she didn't even realize she'd shed. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

"Happy tears," Meredith said quietly.

"That's what Granma says sometimes when she thinks of Granpa. Are you sure I didn't make you sad?"

"Yes," Meredith paused ever so briefly to regain emotional composure. "I'm sure."

"I love you Aunt Meredith…just like my Mommy does…because you're really special."

"I think you're very special too…and I love you too Emma."

"This is not fair," Rebecca came in the room. "Aunt Meredith, no favorites."

"No favorites," Meredith agreed. "We're just talking."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma said, "Mommy always says common sense is very important," and Meredith smiled; this child was always surprising her.

"Common sense is very important," Meredith agreed, "sometimes we forget that."

"I try to remember," Emma said so seriously, Meredith wanted to laugh; if only she'd been as mature as this young child and remembered that. "Like I know… you're not playing favorites if you don't spend time with me on this trip, cause you promised before, but Mommy explained it to me cause there's so much going on we all have to be at Kerry's baptism …but, if I visit you…we can spend time together."

"Emma," Meredith laughed and hugged her, "you are delightful…and I promise you…I didn't forget…and we will spend some time together."

"Really," Emma's eyes twinkled with excitement. "But…you're the godmother."

"I'm also your aunt…" Meredith smiled at her, "and I have to learn about that too."

"I can teach you," Emma hugged her tightly, the sensitive child again prevailed, "and so can Katie and Rebecca and Meggie…cause we're the youngest and my other cousins they think they're too big," and she smiled as though she held a secret.

"Ok," Meredith said, "so there's no favorites," and winked at her, "and no secrets…"

"I heard Mommy and Granma and my aunts talking…" Emma smiled at her, "maybe it's a secret, cause they said it's really good you married Uncle Derek…cause he's brainless," she giggled, "can you believe that Aunt Meredith…he's a brain doctor…and he's brainless…but that they'd trust you with the kids way before Uncle Derek…"

"What if I tell you a secret…" Meredith leaned in to her.

"What?"

"Sometimes…no matter how smart we are…we all act a little brainless," and Emma's giggles reached the children in the kitchen.

"Aunty M." It was Katie's turn to storm through the open door, "not fair…you can't play favorites."

"I can't," Meredith laughed and lifted Katie in her arms, "not even with you," she teased, as the small child comfortably wrapped her legs around her waist.

"Nope," Katie shook her head, though she laughed as they walked in the kitchen, "that's what Granma says…no favorites…"

"Are you wearing a magnet?" Cristina asked Meredith.

"Mom," Meredith walked over to Carolyn after putting Katie down. "Can I help sweeten the chocolate?"

"Bitch…" Cristina mumbled.

"Granma…" three voices echoed while the tiniest one ran to the kitchen cabinet and pulled the door open wide.

"Granma," Meghan said while holding a bottle of Palmolive, "you need lots of soap."

"Ma," Derek laughed, "I think Meghan is right…we'll let you discipline our children however you see fit," and his mother and wife laughed good naturedly.

"Don't you worry dear," Carolyn pulled lightly on Cristina's ear. "I will definitely be doing that," and all the adults understood she spoke of future days when dreams of their family would become fulfilled.

"What do you think," Derek said wrapping his arms around Meredith, "can she discipline these three?"

"Oh no…" Rebecca said, "it's all gonna be grown up stuff now…when Mommy and Daddy do that, they forget we're in the room."

"I'm not sure about our three oldest," Meredith whispered leaning back into him, "but…I'm going to follow her lead and let her help on how to discipline our babies," and he hugged her closer to him; both silently giving thanks for the priceless gift they had received months before; spiritual gifts through dreams with an angel; an angel named Brianna.


	219. Chapter 219

_A/N 10/31/10 – Had intended to update much sooner, but, little bumps coupled with work have got in the way. I so very much appreciate each of you that have commented and is still interested in reading this story. As you may have guessed, Chapter 199…has become an extended series of firsts…bear with me, not sure how many there will be, as I'm determined that Chapter 200 will still have the scenes I envisioned as the end of this story…and I'm selfishly writing the rest of this story as I'd like to see it unfold, apologies that it's taking longer and a bit slower than expected. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_MG voice over 1.8:__ You know when you were a little kid and you believed in fairy tales? That fantasy of what your life would be – white dress, prince charming who'd carry you away to a castle on a hill. You'd lie in your bed at night and close your eyes and you had complete and utter faith. Santa Claus, the tooth fairy, prince charming –they were so close you could taste them. But eventually you grow up and one day you open your eyes and the fairy tale disappears. Most people turn to the things and people they can trust. But the thing is, it's hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely because almost everyone has that smallest bit of hope and faith that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true._

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 4**_

_**Our first… fairy tale comes true… **_

Carolyn's kitchen was warm and inviting, a reflection of the home where lots of activities took place around it and was planned to accommodate a large family. The breakfast nook, built years before in the sunny alcove adjacent to the kitchen, comfortably sat five adults along the bright upholstered cushions below the tall window frames, while another five chairs were placed around the oval table that faced outdoors. The cold temperatures outside on the morning after Thanksgiving; the exact opposite of the warmth and genuine affection that filled the room while the aroma of various baked goods blended with chocolate and coffee as the family sat down to breakfast.

The seating arrangement followed its expected pattern, the younger girls on the cushioned seats providing a bit more height to reach the table, the fall scenery behind them, which meant Meredith, Meghan and Katie sat facing Carolyn, Cristina, Emma and Rebecca. Mark and Lexie, unnecessarily some would say, ended up seating together on the nook at the end of the table, while Derek had head of table honor, next to Meredith, which gave him a perfect view of the old fashioned Dutch garden door.

"Mer," Derek leaned over and whispered to her, "I'm beginning to think all the Shepherd women are right."

"Your sisters," Meredith raised an eyebrow, "about what?"

"And Mom," he teased, "and you… when you're here you're branded a Shepherd. We have proof on the bathrobes."

"Derek…" Meredith rolled her eyes at him, "what are you talking about…"

Derek smiled playfully, his eyes twinkling, one eyebrow raised and then…a glance at Mark and Lexie.

"Oh," Meredith smiled softly, looking at her sister animated conversation with Rebecca and Emma, hands gestures and all, while including Mark in the conversations, "that…"

"That…" Derek chuckled, "you're ok with that?"

"Yes," she told him, "you're here to make sure…I won't have to kill him."

"Great," Derek pouted, "my weekend of babysitting."

"Uncle D…" Meghan chirped, "you're babysitting…does you get to sleep over and take care of Kerry …but this time you gets to bring Aunty M."

"We're sure going to spend lots of time with you," Meredith answered for him. "I'm just not sure if Uncle Derek is going to be babysitting on his own."

"Ma," Derek turned to Carolyn, "do they hear and remember everything?"

"Yes, dear," Carolyn answered. "You have a way of forgetting that."

"Carolyn," Lexie said while they all enjoyed breakfast; long after the delighted giggles and laughter of four little girls as they watched their grandmother walk Cristina over to the sink and pretend she was washing her mouth out with soap. "These cinnamon rolls are the best I've ever had."

"Thank you dear," Carolyn smiled. "The kids love them, and I thought," she winked at Meredith, sitting across from her, "my oldest grandkids would enjoy them."

"Granma," Meghan interrupted, though she'd just taken a bite of her roll. "Cause of why you say that? Allie and Laura they not be here now, and they be the oldest oldest grandkids."

"Meggie," Katie, her older sister said, "don't talk with your mouth full."

"Don't tell Mommy," Meghan responded as she chewed quickly.

"I won't…but you gots to remember cause it's good manners," Katie told her.

"I'm just joking sweetie," Carolyn smiled at her youngest grandchild present. "Just like Cristina and I were pretending I was washing her mouth out with soap, because she does know she can't say those words."

"That's good Granma," Meghan said, "cause I was scared it was cause of you're getting old, that's what Aunty Pat tolds Mommy."

"Aunt Pat," Carolyn looked at her granddaughter, "said I was getting old?"

"Oh oh…" Meghan said, "Aunty Pat's gonna be in trouble."

"The troublemaking nun," Mark chuckled, "strikes again. Shep remember the time she thought you were making out with…"

"Shit…" Mark said as Cristina smacked him across the back of his head. "Yang…"

"G-rated," Cristina smirked, glad she'd been walking back from filling her mug with hot chocolate and close enough smack him, albeit somewhat playfully.

"Granma," Emma smiled when she had her attention, "you're going to run out of Palmolive this weekend."

"I think you're right dear," Carolyn said. "Mark, you're not too old to have your ears boxed. Watch your language and," she emphasized, "your subject matters."

"I didn't say anything," Mark rubbed the back of his head. "Yang's just making trouble. We all call her the troublemaking nun…"

"Mister Mark," Emma asked, "you know Aunt Pat too?"

"I sure do," Mark said, "ever since I was just about your age."

"Wow," Katie said, "that's really old."

"Mister Mark," Rebecca said with a hint of mischief. "I don't think you got in trouble for saying that about Aunt Pat…it was about the grown up stuff…you know…"

Mark looked confused as Lexie leaned in and whispered to him, "the making out bit…"

"Hell I forgot how quickly you kids grow up." He then muttered to Lexie, "and the need to watch every damn word…" Mark started to say, but Derek's chuckle caught him off guard and he turned to the object of his friend's amusement.

"Carolyn, I should have known," the trouble making nun said as she approached the kitchen table, "the minute I looked through the door and saw this bunch, I'd have to deal with one of your children's misbehavior."

"Uncle Derek," Katie said, "I'm confused…but I think Aunty Pat is more confused," she tried to whisper, "maybe she's getting old, and not Granma, cause Mister Mark is not Granma's children."

"Oh oh…" Meghan giggled as got up from her seat next to Meredith and climbed on her lap, "big trouble now…cause of Aunty Pat doesn't think she be old…she only say that about Granma."

"Mark Sloan," Patricia stood by him, "you're not too old to have your ears boxed, you know better than to use inappropriate language, especially when children are around."

"Hey," Mark smirked, involuntarily covering his ears as memories of childhood scoldings by both Carolyn and Patricia made him somewhat sentimental, "don't try to change the subject. You're in deep trouble yourself, calling Ma Shepherd old."

"Oh," Patricia shook her head and indeed pulled hard on his ear, "you think you're smart, changing the subject, you impertinent immature child. Carolyn, we should have got rid of him years ago, the first time he held Hopper hostage."

"Oh no…" Rebecca said, "Mister Mark you held a hostage that's really really bad…we see that on TV…Granma he's a bad man and dangerous."

"Sweetie," Carolyn stopped picking up the breakfast dishes, and hugged Rebecca, Nancy's eight year old and youngest daughter, "Aunt Pat is joking."

"Ma," Derek joined in, smiling at Meredith first, as his fingers gently caressed her arm. "He actually was very bad…keeping Hopper hostage and trying to…"

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn scowled, though part of her wanted to keep from laughing as she remembered them as two young boys, "you cannot give your nieces the impression that Mark …"

"Ma," Derek insisted, "it was my favorite frog…"

The little girls who had been closely following the conversation between the adults began to giggle, while Emma said, "Uncle Derek…you had a frog named Hopper…that's so funny…not real creative," she laughed, "and Mister Mark kidnapped it…that wasn't nice," she said in a more serious note.

"He wasn't nice," Derek said, earning another scowl from his mother. "He was a really mean brother when he did that."

"Aunty M," Meghan told her, "grown up talk is real confusing, Mister Mark is not Uncle D's brother…" and with that statement, the adults all laughed and began to explain the lifelong relationship between Mark and the Shepherd family as well as the new family members they were about to acquire from Seattle, but not before Patricia had given her welcome hugs to Meredith, Derek and Mark, followed by formal introductions to Lexie and Cristina.

The young girls were fascinated that Mark had been a part of their family since he was a little boy, and laughed at the stories their grandmother and aunt told of their kids growing up together, then they got into the subject of a second Thanksgiving; the kids terribly excited about how special it was to have two celebrations.

"We always have Thanksgiving here with the family," Carolyn explained, "but this year, since you would all be here today, we appeased the in-laws. Maggie and Nancy went to their husband's family. I cooked some things here, but had dinner at Alice's," Mark, Lexie and Cristina were aware of the close relationship that existed with Kevin's parents, "and since Jenna's husband's family will be here for the baptism tomorrow, she and John joined us for dinner last night. Today, we'll celebrate our very special and first Thanksgiving with Meredith and Derek and their family," Carolyn smiled, "a most special Thanksgiving indeed."

"Aunty M," Meghan played Meredith's bracelet, "you see…we was at Nana Alice that's cause of why I was taking care of my baby sister, so when she waked up in a strange room she not cry, and me and Emma called you."

Cristina watched the happiness on Meredith's face; the transformation reflecting the warmth of becoming whole and healed; Derek, she had to admit had given her person a priceless gift; the gift of family.

Meredith watched the sadness that suddenly appeared on her sister's face when the conversation turned to family and Thanksgiving, and as Lexie's eyes watered, Mark instinctively whispered something to her and she very briefly rested her head on his shoulder.

"Derek dear," Carolyn said as the phone rang, "please get that, it's for you."

"How," Cristina asked, "do you know that?"

"It's his sister," Carolyn smiled at her.

"He has four," Cristina said.

"I know," Carolyn responded. "I gave birth to all of them. It's Jenna on the phone."

Derek indeed answered and smiled, "hey Jenna, Mom guessed it was you."

"How," Cristina insisted, "did you know that?"

"A mother knows these things," Patricia commented, her grandniece Katie sitting on her lap. "Not to mention, Jenna's the least patient of them all, I'm surprised she hadn't called earlier."

"Mommy called bright and early," Katie told her aunt, "before Uncle Derek & Aunt Merdith got here."

"I warned her," Carolyn explained, "I wasn't sure if you'd all want to get here and get some sleep, and she was not allowed to call here before ten."

"It's nine thirty," Cristina observed.

"I know," Carolyn laughed, "she lasted a whole hour longer than I expected."

"Carolyn's children," Patricia said, "are not very obedient, always impertinent…"

Mark and Lexie carried on their own side conversations with Emma and Rebecca who had more questions about their uncle Derek and their mothers' friendship with Mark; both too young to have much recollection of what had happened two years before to distance Derek and Mark from the family gatherings.

"You surprise me," Cristina said to Pat. "You are a troublemaker. Isn't that a sin or something for you Catholics."

"Only if we lie," Patricia chuckled.

Cristina laughed, "guess Mama Shep was right. You could have been an actress."

"You heard about that," Pat smiled delightedly, "must have made a good impression on my newest niece that she told you about it."

"Oh yeah," Mark joined in, "Mer tells Yang everything. Didn't forget to bring us up to date on all your vices either. I keep telling Shep Yang probably knows all about their…"

"Mark," Lexie said, "I'm sure Mer tells Cristina all about the surgeries she and Derek get to work on together."

"Good girl," Patricia smiled at Lexie, "Mark can use a bit of your common sense."

"Ok…" Cristina quipped. "I think Meghan was right, it may be you getting old. Lexie is not known for common sense…she is Mer's sister."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded, "are you saying I have no common sense?"

"Yeah…" Cristina said truthfully.

"Miss Cristina," Katie, who'd obviously followed some of the conversation, corrected her. "I says that. Meghan only said Aunt Pat called Granma old, I said she was getting confused."

"Right," Cristina said as Meredith laughed at her friend's expression. "Sorry…I have to get all your names right."

"It's ok," Emma said, "Aunt Meredith learned all our names in one day, you can too."

"Don't worry Cristina," Pat told her, "there's years for you to do that."

"Yeah," Cristina told her, "I forgot the," she paused, "p-s-y-c-h-i-c nun."

"Miss Cristina…" Rebecca said. "Emma and I are really good spellers."

"You know," Cristina said, "you don't have to call me Miss…"

"It's disrespectful," Rebecca told her. "Mom says so…we have to respect adults and not use their first names …like with our teachers and…"

"What if I tell you it's ok to call me Cristina."

"I think," Meredith figured she'd better rescue her friend, who had now been in the presence and spoken longer to kids than she'd ever witnessed. "We can ask your Mom, and if it's ok with her, you can use Cristina and Lexie's first name. But, we have to ask your Moms first."

Meredith felt Carolyn's hand on her shoulder and a tender squeeze, "you're going to be giving kid lessons all weekend."

"Mer," Derek called out to her as he finished the conversation with his sister, "she wants to talk to you; apparently so does your goddaughter."

Meredith walked over to the wall phone and took the receiver from her husband, while he wrapped his arms around her and playfully kissed her neck. "Jenna," her eyes twinkled, "when are we going to see you and Kerry?"

"Who is she kidding," Mark said, and earned a gentle smack from Lexie, "she wants to see the kid, not Jenna."

"That's not nice," Katie told him, "Aunt Merdith loves my Mommy," and the expected identical tears of her mother appeared.

"Ass," Cristina mumbled.

"Granma," Meghan alerted. "Again…"

"Meghan," Cristina said, "that's a really pretty name. I didn't really say a bad word…"

"That be a very bad word," the little girl insisted.

"Yes," Cristina said, ready to hit Mark, "but, there is also a word that we use…that sounds like that, but is not a bad word, which is what I was going to say to," she cringed, "Mister Mark. I was going to tell him," and she emphasized _as_. "As he knows, your Aunt Meredith wants to see both your Mommy and baby sister."

"Not my daddy?" Meghan asked with a hint of a pout.

"Yeah, sure…of course," Cristina said, "she wants to see your daddy too."

"You be Aunty M's sister?" The three year old questioned.

"I'm her person," Cristina answered, without even considering her response or realizing she was talking to a three year old.

"Her person," Meghan asked, "what that means? You not her sister?"

"Yes," Lexie said, "it's the same as her sister."

"Uncle D tolds us you be Aunty M's sister?" Meghan, after Meredith went to talk to Jenna, had inched closer to Lexie.

"I am," Lexie smiled at the little girl, "but just like Mister Mark is like a brother to your Uncle Derek and your Mommy and your aunts, Cristina is like a sister to Meredith."

"I like you," Meghan smiled at Lexie, "you're pretty. Are you Mister Mark's girlfriend and you gonna get mawwied like Aunty M and Uncle D and…they gots mawwied in a boat, but maybe you have mouses that are your friends and they get to be horses and you go to the ball but you won't have to lose our shoe," she giggled, "cause you already know Mister Mark."

Carolyn and Patricia exchanged knowing glances at the simple yet perhaps adequate childish prediction of the future. Patricia walked over to her sister and hugged her, whispering, "look at her," she indicated to Meredith, "listen to her voice as she talks to the baby, she's healing Carolyn…in the time since she's been here, get ready for a Shepherd baby," and Carolyn Shepherd's eyes watered as she shared the same thoughts as her sister, and hugged her back.

"God willing… Pat…I can't wait."

"Carolyn," Cristina asked without measuring her words, "who's feeding this mouse crap to your grankids?"

"Here we go," Katie laughed, "more soap Granma?"

"No sweetie," Carolyn answered, "Cristina needs something else altogether, because she doesn't know about fairy tales, and she's going to spend the afternoon with you girls, and you can read hear all your favorite stories."

"You're joking," Cristina's hoarse half laugh turned to incredulity, "you are joking."

"Cristina dear," Carolyn said, "we have so much to do for dinner tonight and I would be so grateful if you'd help us out with the girls," certain there was no way she could refuse.

"Ah…Mama Shep…" Cristina countered, though Carolyn ignored the look of terror on her face. "I don't think…that's not a really good idea."

Meredith was now off the phone and simply smiled; she'd seen the glances exchanged between Carolyn and Patricia. "Cristina, I think that's a great idea," she winked at the two older women, "besides, I'm sure Mark and Lexie will help."

"Mark and Lexie," Cristina said, "you're joking," again a nervous laugh. "Mer are you crazy…me and kids," then quieter, "I could damage them…and he's a manwh…"

Patricia interrupted the manwhore comment and laughed. "Cristina, don't worry, that's what I'm here for, damage control with a little divine help."

"You're a nun," Cristina countered. "Even if you don't act like one."

"I know," Patricia smiled, "and a mother and grandmother."

"Aunt Pat," Katie reminded her, "you're also our aunt and Sister Pat…and..." she continued to rattle the other roles she remembered.

"Shepherd you have the oddest family," Cristina said.

"Tell me about it," Derek chuckled, as Meredith walked up to him wrapped her arms around his neck playfully. "Look at my three grown kids."

"Uncle Derek," Rebecca told him, "grown ups are very silly, you don't have kids. I have to ask Mom if that's why she and Aunt Kat and Aunt Jenna were laughing when we went to visit Kerry cause we had no school…and they always say you're brainless."

"They said that about me, your Mom…said that about me…" Derek teased, "that's not very nice. At least Maggie doesn't say that about me," he pointed out.

"That's cause Aunt Maggie was far away with Uncle John, did you know that Uncle Derek, they went to the desert." Rebecca informed him.

"Grown up are silly sometimes sweetie," Meredith said, just as Derek pulled her down on his lap, "and that's just what they mean about your Uncle Derek," she kissed his check, "but they're really kidding."

"Cause they love their brother lots and lots, like I love Meggie and Kerry," Katie, the six year old stated confidently.

"Just like that," Meredith smiled.

"Ok…" Patricia said, "it's time we get started on dinner, before the crowd gets here."

"Not so fast," Mark smirked at Patricia, "you have some explaining to do, can't get away with calling Mama Shep old."

"She knows she's old," Patricia dismissed his comment, "stop trying to change the subject. The three of you are on fairytale duty."

"Mer said I'd like you," Cristina said, "that you were hard core."

"She said almost the same thing about you."

"Fairytale duty," Cristina raised an eyebrow, "hard core?"

"Stick around," Patricia told her, "you'll learn, and it will be good practice for your kids."

"I'm not having kids." Cristina said with certainty."

"Really," Patricia said and met Meredith's gaze. "Fairy tales indeed," she paused, "but, we can still be practical. You need to help with the kids today, good practice for…" both she and Meredith smiled, "your younger brothers and sisters …"

"Or nieces and nephews," Derek commented, his hand gently caressing Meredith's back.

"Mark and I will help," Lexie said and placed her hand over Mark's.

"Piece of cake," Mark familiarly entwined their fingers; the rest of the women, Carolyn, Patricia, Meredith and Cristina exchanged glances.

"Meredith dear," Patricia asked, referring to her comment about Cristina and future kids while fully accepting Cristina would interpret it differently. "Did you tell Cristina I'm never wrong?"

"Did she tell you," Cristina answered, "I don't lose bets either."

"Carolyn," Patricia said, "was it you said about our trip to Seattle in February?"

"Even if it is disturbing," Cristina said, recalling the conversation months before at the spa; she and Carolyn certain a relationship would develop between Mark and Lexie, "it's probably inevitable."

"Grown up talk," Rebecca sighed dramatically, and rested her head on the table, "is so boring. Emma let's go upstairs."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him smiling, "Jenna's going to be here in one hour…we need to unpack…and shower…"

"Grey," Mark drawled, "I thought this was supposed to be a kid safe conversation…"

"Oh you ass…" she recovered immediately, "always forget to call me Meredith."

"I think," Carolyn said, "it's time we let the travelers settle in. Girls, I'll show you to your rooms. Mark, you have Maggie's old room."

"Come on girls," Patricia said to her grand-nieces, "let's bundle you up and you can come over my house to play with your cousins," she spoke of her grandchildren.

"You mean," Cristina said relieved, "you were joking about fairy tales and…"

"Momentary reprieve," Patricia laughed, "while you settle in," and went about getting the kids ready to leave with her. "I'll be back with them in a while, and finish helping Carolyn with dinner."

"Yang," Mark quipped, "it's not the end of the world."

"Mer…they are kidding right?" Cristina said more seriously.

"It will be good practice," Meredith smiled at her, raising an eyebrow slightly, "for your niece and nephews."

"Meredith Grey," Cristina said quietly, "if you leave me alone with four little girls to talk about fairy tales…I'm…Mer… you can't do that…it's…I'm not…"

"Cristina," Meredith smiled at her, "remember…fairy tales…are not always what we expect…just…look at me…and Derek."

"Mer…" Lexie who was close enough to hear said, "that's so…sentimental…"

"Sloan," Cristina said, the kids busy getting coats on and not paying attention, "surely you're not going to go along with the Grey sisters' sentimental crap."

"Yang," Mark said, "all you have to do is read to them…what's the big deal?"

"Mer," Cristina insisted, "you are not going to leave me with four kids and these two."

"It won't be so bad," Meredith told her, "but you can take care of Kerry instead."

"Oh…" Cristina laughed nervously, "no…once was enough for me, I'm not sure how poor little Tuck survived."

"I thought," Meredith giggled, "you'd see the bright side of things."

"You owe me…Meredith Grey…"

"Just think of what Aunt Pat said," Meredith said shrugging her shoulders, and leaving Cristina momentarily speechless. "Good practice for your kids."

"She's psychic…" Cristina said, "you even told me she's rarely wrong…this will be a good bet for her to lose."

"Sure," Meredith said, before Derek's lips were on hers. She'd been sitting on his lap and each time she shifted, he'd been thinking of nothing else but making love to her, and it was going to become increasingly difficult to control his want of her.

"Mer," Derek said, "Jenna's going to be here in less than an hour now."

"Aunt M," Meghan ran up to her, all bundled up, "we is ready to go to Aunt Pat's. Don't go away…ok?"

"We'll be right here when you get back," Meredith helped get her mittens on before the little girl kissed her goodbye. Patricia and Carolyn still bundling up the other three to walk across the back yard to their aunt's house.

"Mer," Derek pushed her gently off his lap, getting up and pulling on her hand, "we don't have much time…to get everything done," he said with a smile.

"Sure we do, just need to unpack…and a quick shower…" he smiled at her, his head slightly tilted, and as always when he looked at her that way, time stood still, and he pulled her along with him to the kitchen stairs that led to the second floor.

"Mcdreamied," Cristina said, "who wants to bet they…"

"Stop doing that," Lexie said, "you can't keep betting on Mer & Derek having s-e-x."

"Why not?" Mark said, "It's a sure win."

"Granma," Meghan, who was saying goodbye to her grandmother, asked, "before we go can we have candy?"

"Honey, there's no candy now," Carolyn answered.

"Uh huh…" Meghan insisted, "that's what Aunty M's sister said…Uncle D and Aunty M was having s-e-x…and Aunt Maggie said that was candy."

The adults all looked at each other, desperately needing to hold their laughter.

Cristina recovered quickly, "Meghan, she just meant that Derek and Meredith brought some candy for you kids and they have it their suitcase, so you can ask them for it later."

"Very nice," Patricia said, "told you…you'd learn."

"Jake," Emma called out to the dog playing in the yard as the door opened, "let's go."

"Sloan," Cristina said, "you and Lexie have a candy run to make…since you're responsible for this."

"You're the one that wanted to bet…" Mark argued.

"By the way," Patricia turned back from the door when the girls were all gone, "earplugs, I understand are a good investment around them. But, put me down for $ 20…that you won't need them."

Meredith and Derek, oblivious to the conversation in the kitchen, quickly reached their room and he locked the door behind them.

"I want you…" Derek's lips were on her mouth, and her resolve began to unravel, "it's been driving me crazy…you on my lap."

"We can't…" Meredith mumbled, "we don't have time…and you pulled me on your lap," she said, in between kisses.

"Mer…we have time..." he said, his mouth set on devouring hers, "all the time in the world…"

"A quickie…" Meredith suggested, the warmth of his hands on her skin making her body tingle, and when he cupped her breast, she knew she'd have no resistance.

Clothes were discarded quickly, mutually expert hands setting the other on fire, their laughter following them to the bathroom as they waited for the water to warm before stepping under its spray. His mouth had traveled slowly, biting, caressing, from her lips, to her neck, the swell of her breast and now she moaned in pleasure as his mouth found her breasts, and he quickly silenced her by devouring her mouth once again.

Meredith reached for the length of him, and then it became her turn to silence his pleasure with her mouth; silent cries of ecstasy once again provided the setting for yet another time breaking shower sex experience.

Over an hour later, Meredith and Derek walked in the kitchen. "Carolyn," Meredith asked, "where's Jenna?"

"See saw again," Carolyn teased her.

"Mom," Meredith smiled warmly, "I'm so glad we're here."

"So am I," Carolyn smiled at them, "it's going to be a very special Thanksgiving."

"Ma," Derek asked as he reached for an apple, "where's everyone?"

"Two of your kids," Carolyn teased, "went to get candy for the little ones. I sent Cristina to Pat's to get the girls, and Jenna should be here shortly."

"Why did she take so long?" Derek asked as he offered Meredith the first bite of the apple, making her giggle, but shook her head and he took a bite.

"I called her," Carolyn said, "and told her you and Meredith had just gone upstairs, and were unlikely to be ready to see them before an hour.

Derek almost choked, while Meredith made sure he was ok.

"I was young too dear," Carolyn smiled at him. "Seems I'm not as old as your Aunt would me out to be," she joked, "to remember …"

"Ma…don't tell me that…"

Carolyn laughed. "How do you think there are five of you?"

"Mom," Meredith walked up to his mother and hugged her, "I love you."

"Sweetheart," Carolyn hugged her tightly and Meredith closed her eyes, thankful for the genuine motherly affection. "I love you too."

"Can I help?" Meredith asked. "I mean …not with cooking, but I can put things away…or something…Derek can help."

"Everything is under control," Carolyn told her, "two turkeys in the oven, two more at Pat's; she's the only one other than your sisters and their families here tonight."

"You postponed Thanksgiving," Derek walked over to her, "you've never done that before."

"There had never been an extraordinary reason…such as today," Carolyn smiled at him, her hand gently cupping his face, and it was his turn to hug her tightly. "I love you Ma."

"I love you, sweetheart…and I'm so glad you've found happiness," she said while reaching to include Meredith in her embrace.

"All because of Mer," Derek said, misty eyed.

"That spoonful of sugar you needed," she used a favorite expression of hers.

"Mom," Meredith's eyes watered, "he made me believe in dreams and fairy tales…and then you made me believe in family."

"We're going to be competing with Jenna," Carolyn sniffled, "and never live that down."

"We just won't tell her," Derek hugged his mother once more, and pulled Meredith into his arms, kissing the top of her head.

"Not a lot of time left to hide the sentimental tears," Carolyn said, "they just drove up."

"You really heard that?" Derek asked.

"Of course I did," Carolyn said, "at this age, after five kids, fifteen grandkids and too many nieces and nephews to count, you learn to hear everything."

"Mom," Jenna called out as she opened the front door, "we're here."

"Oh," Carolyn said, unable to disguise her smile, "you may want to think about what you're going to say to Jenna when Meghan tells her it was not fair she didn't get candy, when she knows," she repeated her granddaughters words, "Uncle D and Aunty M was upstairs having s-e-x," leaving Derek and Meredith literally speechless.


	220. Chapter 220

_A/N Thanksgiving Weekend – It's purely coincidence, since it was impossible to write as much as I'd wanted it to during the month of November, that this chapter was completed coincides with Thanksgiving 2010. This particular chapter is dedicated to Gina, for a most inspiring Thanksgiving greeting, with a promise that there will be no hint of a musical chapter in this story! _

_Hope you enjoy this chapter, which I know was long overdue. I feel a bit like an intruder in the Shepherd home, as literally, I walked in with Meredith and Derek and wrote the scenes as I'd envisioned each of the characters would act when they saw each other again; it's a chapter that speaks of family bonds and their love for each other. On Grey's I fail to understand how so much seems to be forgotten from season to season, Derek was shot, and none of his family showed up for weeks (Season 1: If he were hurt, his sisters would want to be there, he'd want them there. But, Grey's has no continuity), apologies if you find this long and tedious, as perhaps I tend to overcompensate for the lack of it on screen. There's of course another part to the Thanksgiving meal, but that will be next, as I'd reached the limit of characters on one of the boards, but, it won't be too long before it's posted._

_Thanks to all who are still interested in reading this Meredith & Derek story._

_To each of you that has commented on the last chapters, my sincere gratitude, and apologies for not acknowledging each one of you individually._

_Wishing all of you enjoyed abundant blessings among friends, family and loved ones on Thanksgiving. I'm thankful for each of you that have made me feel this story has been worth your time to read. Warm regards, Jasmin _

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 5**_

_**Our first…homecoming for Thanksgiving **_

Meredith reached for Derek's hand, "let's go," her smile warmed his heart, "our goddaughter's here."

"Meredith," Derek hesitated, "did you just hear what Mom said?"

"We'll figure it out," she smiled, as she pulled him along, "besides, Kerry's almost six weeks, Jenna's not getting any sex…she'll understand."

"Ah…Mer," he complained, guided by her toward the front door. "I don't want to hear about my sister's..."

"You're a doctor Derek," she said as they reached the foyer, "surely," she teased him, "you know they had sex…or we wouldn't have a godchild."

"Being brainless again," Jenna smiled at the tail end of conversation, and brought some bags from the front porch.

"I don't like you," Derek teased as he hugged his youngest sister.

"You love me," Jenna said confidently. "I'm your favorite."

"Where's the baby?" Meredith interrupted, "you didn't bring Kerry?"

"Nice to see you too Mer," Jenna pouted.

"I'm sorry," Meredith said apologetically, ingrained doubts slightly resurfacing about her ability to understand family dynamics. "That wasn't very nice of me."

"I'm joking Meredith," Jenna assured her, the slight apprehension in her sister in law's reaction making her better understands Kathleen's original impression of her; the vulnerability she spoke of when she first returned from Seattle.

"Sorry," Meredith surprised both siblings with her candidness. "Still getting used to how your family jokes with one another, though Jenna, you won't be able to use that fake pout all the time."

"You're learning," Jenna smiled and hugged her. "Her daddy's bringing her in, cooing to her and getting her in a good mood."

"She's not in a good mood?" Meredith asked worried, "Is she sick? She's always…"

"She's fine," Jenna smiled at her daughter's godmother. "But..."she winked at Meredith before looking at Derek, " since the two of you delayed our arrival…over an hour, she's due to eat, and if I held her to bring her in, she was going to want to be fed immediately, and I thought you'd want to do that."

"Oh…" Meredith smiled softly, "I'm glad you thought of that."

"Plus," Jenna said, meeting Meredith's gaze, her eyes watering slightly. "I wanted to see you first… know we're ok…that you've forgiven me for the way I acted…"

"We're ok," Meredith told her, reassured and comforted that nothing had changed in their relationship over the incident that sent Derek on an overnight trip across the country.

"She's a piglet Mer," Jenna told her. "Wait till you see her."

"I can go get her," Meredith shifted impatiently, "is that ok?"

"Of course," Jenna smiled, "she's all yours…everyone's been warned."

Meredith walked to the door, "Mer," Derek chuckled, reaching for her jacket on the coat rack. "It's freezing out there." But, before he got a chance to help her, Rob came into view at the front porch and Meredith held the door open.

"Rob," Meredith smiled, glancing at the car seat that held her goddaughter, whose face was currently covered to guard against the increasingly chilling wind. "It's nice to see you."

"Oh, that's nice," Jenna joked, while putting her arm around Derek, "nice to see him…I was just chopped liver."

"Fess up Meredith," Rob teased as he reached the threshold, "it's Kerry you want to see."

Derek delighted at his wife's giggle, "guilty…I couldn't wait to see her, get in here."

Rob stood in front of her and Meredith removed the pink blanket that covered the baby.

"Oh…Derek…" Meredith said softly, "look at her…she's… precious…"

The baby who was sucking her pacifier turned toward Meredith's voice immediately.

"Mer," Derek said, while Kerry reacted with a small frown at the new sound, "she recognizes your voice."

"Hi Kerry…" Meredith cooed, "you're such a smart baby…aren't you…" and when she reached for her tiny hand the baby immediately tightened her hold, and once again captured Meredith's heart. "You're so big…guess Mommy's right," she leaned in to kiss the baby's forehead, and the baby released the pacifier.

"Hey sweetie," Jenna spoke to the baby who instantly recognized her mother's voice. "It's time we get you out of that warm snowsuit," the baby sighed, "cause your overprotective Daddy thought you had to wear today, "don't you agree?"

"It's thirty degrees," Rob said, "it could snow any minute, and you said Mer got it for her...so I thought you'd want her to wear it."

"We were in the car," Jenna laughed softly, "right Kerry…we were only outdoors ninety seconds to get you in and out of the car. Snowsuits are for when we play outside."

Kerry cooed back to her mother, making everyone smile. "She's talkative," Rob said, "just like her mother, and nosy as hell like her aunts. Just look at her trying to follow the conversation."

"You can't say that," Meredith teased him at the use of the word hell, "using that language in front of her."

Rob laughed, "you've been around the girls all morning, haven't you?"

"Mom's been handed the liquid detergent a few times already," Meredith laughed. "Rob," she told him, "that was very thoughtful of you…that she'd wear that outfit."

"Rob," Jenna said, "honey, put her down in the living room, so Mer can take her out of her seat," and the adults followed.

"She's all yours," Rob said as he placed the car seat on the coffee table, then pulled Jenna close and whispered, "told you she wouldn't be upset," and Jenna kissed his cheek and hugged him.

Meredith carefully lifted the baby and held her close to her, then sat on the couch, taking in the sweet unmistakable baby scent. "Kerry Beatrice," she spoke softly, "I've missed you baby, you're growing so fast…and your Mommy's right…you have to be a little piglet," and lovingly kissed the baby's face, "you must weigh twelve pounds already."

Kerry listened intently, her eyes on her godmother, the newborn's innocence and apparent recognition, helping Meredith deal with their loss.

"Your godmother is going to spoil you rotten," Derek spoke to the baby, who again frowned slightly at the sound of new man's voice in her life, "and you've got her wrapped around her little finger already, don't you?"

"Your uncle Derek has a lot to learn," Meredith said, her voice gentle, "he thinks he's going to convince me to give you up right now," her eyes sparkled as she met her husband's gaze, "just because he gives me that smile," she spoke quietly, "and all that leaning …like Dr. Bailey says…but first, we need to get you out of this outfit…" and she continued talking as she began to remove the pink outer garment.

"Jenna," Derek looked over at his sister, and joked, "will you tell her I can hold her too."

"You had her all to yourself when you were here," Jenna told her brother, "it's up to your wife when she lets you hold her," and she watched, and her eyes watered at Meredith's reaction to the baby's outfit.

"You remembered," Meredith looked at her sister in law and hugged the baby close.

"I wasn't sure…but you said…when we spoke on Monday…you asked…"

"It's perfect," Meredith said. "Derek, your turn to hold her."

"I'm teasing you Meredith," he smiled. "Hold her as long as you want."

"Kerry," Meredith said softly, "there are so many people that love you baby…everybody wants to hold you," she kissed the top of her head. "And I know you're not very familiar with him right now," she got up and walked to stand by Derek, "even if he did see you and take care of you all night a few weeks ago, but your Uncle Derek… he's not just your uncle," she placed the baby in his arms and paused, watching his reaction, she leaned into him, as he cuddled the baby.

"You're," Derek's voice broke as he saw the pink onesie Meredith bought months before, with its baby angel design that proclaimed _I love my godfather _"our very special angel, Kerry Beatrice…" and the baby's eyes locked with his, as he smiled through a misty gaze at the dark haired beautiful child, the significance of her name; bringer of joy, never more evident. "Your godmother, who I love very much," his eyes were on Meredith, "and your Mom are determined to make me a sentimental sap."

"Sweetie," Meredith stepped closer, the baby gently and safely nestled between them, she brushed his lips softly. Kerry turned her head immediately, making Meredith smile. "You're going to have to learn to recognize your godfather's voice."

"Don't pay any attention to her," Derek teased, the baby again frowning at his voice, "she loves that you recognize her only…even if it's only because she's spent hours on the phone…with you…"

"You know what else," Meredith said, her tone sweet and gentle as she kissed Kerry's forehead, "you're going to have to recognize when your godfather is being brainless," and then the baby turned her head again toward the voice she knew so well and smiled.

"Derek," Meredith gasped softly, "she's smiling…she's smiling at me…"

"Yes," Derek smiled in turn at his wife, whose own smile literally lit up the room.

Kerry's parent remained silent watching the exchange; Rob wrapped his arms around Jenna, "no tears."

"Easy for you to say," Jenna whispered back, he knew her well, even without looking at her. "Do you know how hard that must be for her…after what she…went through?"

"Honey," Rob hugged her tighter, "they're happy. You can see that. Enjoy the moment."

"Jenna," Meredith turned to her sister in law, "she smiled at me…she really did."

"Yes," Jenna admitted, "she really did, she recognizes when she has someone special that loves her…"

"You didn't tell me," Meredith said, "that she was smiling now…"

"The last few days," Jenna said, "it's quite clear it's not gas anymore. It made me cry the first time she did…and…"

"What else is new," Derek chuckled and Kerry turned her face to his voice.

"Listen smartass," Jenna said, "it's a special moment…and it's different with each one."

"I'm teasing Jen," Derek shook his head. "Baby…your mommy is much too sensitive," and the baby frowned.

"Ah…" Meredith cooed to her, "look at that, she knows when her godfather is being brainless," and all adults laughed as the baby for a second time at the sound of that word, met her godmother's gaze and smiled.

"Jenna," Rob laughed, "this may be the smartest of the girls…she recognizes the brainless…"

"You've been guilty of that yourself," Derek countered, "don't think you're scot-free."

Kerry's hand had found her way into her mouth, the clear sign that a hunger cry was imminent, and Rob walked to the foyer to get her bottle.

Meredith took the baby from Derek and settled comfortably on the couch to feed her goddaughter; the men instructed to take the bags of food to the kitchen.

"Derek," Jenna turned to her brother, "help me take these upstairs."

"What's on your mind Jen," he asked as they reached his sister's bedroom and he put down three bags of overnight gear.

"I wasn't sure," Jenna said, "if it would be ok…to put that onesie on Kerry. I didn't want to upset either of you again…but Mer asked me if it fit her, and it's still a little big, but not by much, and she's filled out the one she wore when Mer was here…but she said it would mean a lot to you…if she wore it…and you're her godfather…and…"

"Mer's only been here around you an hour and that was worse than her rambles."

"You jerk," his sister smacked his arm playfully.

"Meredith was right…it meant a lot to see her wear it," and he hugged his sister, kissing the top of her head. "You don't need to walk on eggshells around us…we're ok."

"I love you Derek," his sister said, "and there are no words to tell you how much it means to me that you're here…that you are Kerry's godfather…both of you, but I wish…"

"We don't need words," he looked at the younger sister he'd always looked after and wiped away a tear from her cheek. "We're both happy you trusted us with her."

"Of course I trusted you with her," his sister sniffled. "You've always taken care of me…always looking after me…Derek…Daddy would be so proud of you…"

"Dad," he took a deep breath, as their eyes met, memories of long ago never forgotten, "would be so proud of you Jeni…so very proud…of the woman you've become," and he hugged her once more, the tragic memory of the past the source for the special sibling bond between them.

"I wondered," Jenna said a few minutes later when she and Derek walked back into the living room, and found Carolyn sitting next to Meredith, burping the baby on her shoulder. "If you were going to ignore her, she's very sensitive you know."

"Jenna Patricia," Carolyn looked at her youngest daughter and joked. "Surely you're not jealous I did not come rushing out to greet you…but I'm here now, spending time with the two newest members of the family."

"Ma," Jenna sat next to her mother, "why would I be jealous, I know I'm your favorite."

"Here we go," Rob walked in holding a tray with two cups of hot chocolate, "favorites again."

"Ma, you made chocolate," Jenna smiled, "and cinnamon rolls…I love both."

Carolyn passed the baby back to Meredith as she began to whimper, demanding more food. "You're not my baby for nothing…" Carolyn kissed her cheek. "Now," she said, the bossy navy nurse tone in place, "both of you," it was clearly she spoke to Derek and Rob. "I need some help in the basement."

"She's so subtle," Jenna laughed while Kerry momentarily released the bottle and smiled at her mother, traces of milk at the corner of her lips. "Isn't she sweetie," she wiped the baby's mouth, "Granma is as subtle as a tank."

"Just like you are," Meredith giggled, the baby making it known she was ready to continue eating. "Dragging my husband upstairs."

"I did not drag him," Jenna argued.

"You two ok?" Meredith asked, though her attention was on the baby.

"I just wanted him to know," Jenna told her, "how much it means to me, that you're here. That your Kerry's godparents."

"We feel the same way," Meredith replied.

"But," Jenna said, "I still worry about you…"

"Ah…" Meredith met her gaze, "Carolyn's subtleness…"

"She knows how I feel," Jenna told her, "that I'd want to talk to you…I hadn't seen you since I acted so selfishly…avoiding you..."

"We're ok," Meredith told her, "really…we are, or I would have never asked you to put this onesie on her. Our hearts have healed Jenna and Kerry's helped…"

"I keep thinking," Jenna said, "everything I said to you…going on about babies…and…"

"I'm not going to lie to you," Meredith surprised herself, at how open she could be with Jenna. "I wasn't sure…this trip, how I'd deal with it. Our baby would have been a few weeks old now, but, Derek and I have talked and cried…and we know…we really do know, we'll have our family one day...but for now, Kerry…" she kissed the baby's chubby hand, "she's brought us so much joy, Jenna…and we're ok…"

"My brother," Jenna cleared her throat and Meredith turned to her, the glimmer of tears expected, "is very lucky…we're very lucky …that he found you."

"I'm the lucky one," Meredith said, both gazes equally tearful, "he's my soul mate…my life," Jenna wiped away her tears, and Meredith decided to turn the conversation to a lighter tone, "my roaring panther…and ...my untamed beast."

"Oh Meredith…I'm so glad … so thankful Addie cheated on him," and both women laughed, yet another bond of trust and friendship added to their relationship.

"By the way," Meredith told her, "speaking of untamed beasts…"

"You're being mean now," Jenna told her, "rubbing in all the sex…making us wait this morning, when we knew it was because you…"

"Derek and I…" Meredith interrupted her.

"Mer," Jenna giggled, "Derek will die if he knows you're talking about your sex life."

"I'm not talking about our sex life," Meredith giggled; Kerry released the hold on her bottle and focused intently on the two women whose voices she loved so well.

"Really Mer…you just said…"

"Kerry," Meredith cooed to the baby, "your Daddy was right, you really are nosy," and the baby smiled, delighting both women, "just like your aunts…and Mommy."

"Don't change the subject," Jenna told her.

"Derek and I…" Meredith shifted the baby to her shoulder, burping her. "Since it's almost six weeks…I thought…well, Derek wouldn't think of this, but since you told me you'd managed to get your doctor to see you this afternoon, which I don't get since it's Thanksgiving weekend…and he's in private practice, they don't work on holiday weekends…"

"Oh my God," Jenna laughed, "Derek's right. Your ramblings are contagious by osmosis. I just did the same thing to him. Meredith, what are you talking about?"

"You haven't had sex in at six weeks," Meredith told her and the baby gurgled away, holding her head up as she concentrated on her mother's face, "see even she knows," and after two very loud burps, Meredith cuddled her again, talking to her and making the baby smile, "we're going to keep the kids for you…so you and Rob can have some time alone…so it's a good thing, you brought all the overnight gear."

"You're keeping my kids," Jenna smiled, "the next two nights?"

"We are," Meredith told her, "and Kerry's not going to mind at all, are you sweetie," and her goddaughter talked back, "yes, you're right, we're just going to keep an eye on your Uncle Derek…so that he doesn't act brainless with three kids around," and the baby's smiled made both women laugh.

"Mer," Jenna told her, "there must be something about the way you say brainless that makes her smile."

"I can't believe she's smiling…she's really responding…" Meredith told Jenna.

"My sister in law, the one that has to sleep on the couch, dropped by unannounced this week, and Kerry would smile at the girls and me, but frowned at her the entire time. She's very selective with those smiles."

They continued their conversation, enjoying the baby's reactions to their lighthearted conversation and laughter.

"You never said," Meredith asked her. "How did you get the doctor to see you today?"

"Kirk is one of Nancy's partners," Jenna told her, "and one of his patients is on bed rest with triplets, he promised her he'd be here for the delivery, which they expect any minute."

"You do realize what this means," Meredith raised an eyebrow at her.

"I'm getting sex tonight, even loud sex," Jenna laughed.

"No," Meredith told her, "you're expected to do the same…for me when I have a baby, we'll have to program the baptism just around six weeks, so Derek and I can have uninterrupted...loud sex…" she said, and suddenly felt Jenna's hand gently squeeze hers.

"You're really ok…" Jenna met her gaze, and felt Meredith's gentle squeeze of her hand.

"I'm really ok," Meredith told her. "I need you to know that," she said and hugged Kerry to her, and kissed the top of her head. "Kerry's made it easy …knowing what I have to look forward to one day."

"Count on me…all four of us and Ma…to make sure we're always there for you."

"Jenna," Meredith smiled with a hint of mischief. "I'm just going to make sure your doctor's available too…to clear me at five weeks…instead of six…"

"That won't be a problem," Jenna said, "you're lucky Addie's no longer at Seattle Grace, it that bitch was anywhere around…she'd find a way to delay the time…since you have Derek, and she doesn't."

"Satan's revenge," Meredith laughed. "Believe me, I'd make damn sure I'd get nowhere near her or our baby…she probably would say I need to wait eight weeks…"

"Mer," Jenna laughed, "I can't believe we're talking about her…"

"She's in the past," Meredith told her, "Derek and I…it no longer matters, we've built our life together…we know, we're in this for a lifetime."

Derek and Rob interrupted them. "What were you laughing about," Derek asked, "we could hear you on the way up from the basement."

"Satan's revenge," Jenna said, and both she and Meredith laughed, "and loud sex."

Derek shook his head and raised a questioning brow at Meredith.

"As in Addie Derek," Jenna clarified, "and loud sex as is…"

"Ok," Derek said, "you have little ears here…" and he reached for the baby. "Hey, Kerry, if your sisters were here, they'd be having your Mommy's mouth washed out with soap." Meredith smiled at the ease with which he handled babies. "And, then," he cooed at her, "they go around saying I'm brainless," and the baby reacted with a beautiful smile that left him awestruck. "Mer…" he turned to her, "she smiled at me…Jen…she did…"

"She certainly did," his sister said, and winked at Meredith, "she's getting to know you."

"Brainless," Meredith mouthed to Jenna, and then to Derek, "she likes the sound of some words." She figured she could share what word it was later.

Chaos, loving family chaos would soon take over the Shepherd household as family began to arrive for their official Thanksgiving celebration. But, not before Meredith and Derek had a chance to spend time with some other members of the family.

"Grandma," Carolyn's oldest granddaughter called out as she came through the kitchen door, "we got so many bargains…everything you asked for and so many baby things," then she stopped, before rushing over to her uncle. "You're here…you're really here. We've missed you so much."

"I've missed you too," Derek said as his niece engulfed in a hug.

"Meredith," Allie turned to her, "it's so good to finally meet you. I'm Allie."

"Kathleen's oldest," Meredith smiled, "I'm glad to meet you too."

"Did you forget I'm here?" Carolyn joked.

"How could I ever forget my favorite grandmother?" Allie went over and hugged her.

"Favorite grandmother," Carolyn teased her, obviously not a new topic of conversation between them. "Has Alice heard about this?"

"We don't have to tell her," Allie kissed her grandmother's cheek. "But she already knows Grandma that I was your first and favorite."

Meredith giggled, speaking to Kerry, "sweetie, no doubt you will be my first favorite godchild," and Derek smiled at Meredith's enchantment with the baby.

"Meredith," Allie said, "no doubt you've learned all about the favorites…"

"I certainly have," she winked at her, happy that Kathleen's daughter was so much like her mother, accepting her easily into the family fold. "But, I still haven't learned where it got started."

"That's Aunt Pat's fault," she said.

"Naturally," Meredith laughed, as did Derek and Carolyn.

"Aunt Jenna said you get priority with Kerry…but," Allie spoke to the baby "I don't suppose your godmother is going to …"

"Consider sharing her," Meredith smiled as she got up and relinquished her godchild.

"Oh…baby…" Allie cooed at her cousin, "you're so precious…yes, you are…and I wish I was home all the time to see you, and I don't mind sharing you with Granma," she used the little ones' name for their grandmother, "even if you're going to be her favorite for a little bit."

"Ma," Derek said, "this favorite thing is getting out of hand."

"It's always like that Uncle Derek, you've just been away too long. But," Allie turned to her grandmother again, "I really am her favorite granddaughter."

"I have to say," Carolyn Shepherd admitted, "Meredith, the minute they placed her in my arms, and I was the very first to hold her, she's always known she had a special place in my heart."

"Meredith," Allie told her, "it's a mutual feeling…plus I got really sick when I was three weeks old and Grandma took over…and Mom was here all the time…till she went back to work. And there's really a special bond…even if that sounds corny…and sentimental, but, it's our secret, so the rest don't get their feelings hurt."

Carolyn Shepherd took the baby from her granddaughter, "let's show your oldest cousin what you can do…" Carolyn smiled, "how much you've learned since yesterday."

"You see," Allie told Meredith, "she's the absolute best grandmother in the world. Just wait till you have kids…especially since they're Uncle Derek's and there's no other Shepherd babies, they're going to be spoiled rotten…and loved to death."

"She's already told me when that happens, she's moving to Seattle," Meredith said, "and of course they'll become the favorite grandchildren, being the first Shepherd grandkids and all."

"You're what?" Allie said, and caught the smile between her grandmother and Meredith, as well as the smile on her uncle's face as he nuzzled his wife's neck and whispered something that made her giggle. "Meredith, Mom was right, you are perfect for Uncle Derek." and hugged Meredith. "Welcome to the family, it's great to see him happy."

Derek wrapped his arm around Meredith's waist, drawing her close to him before sitting at the kitchen table. "How are things with you, school? Still hell bent on being a lawyer?"

"Uncle Derek," Allie joined Meredith and Derek at the kitchen table, having taken the baby back from Carolyn who was checking on the turkeys. "Please don't start that again…it's really what I want to do…"

"Tell me about it," Derek asked, "it's not often we get some time alone…and before long, it's going to be bedlam."

"First," Allie said, "I already emailed you both saying thank you for the boots, I couldn't believe you got those…but, they're going to be great when I go skiing over New Year's."

"Well," Meredith said, "you are the first grandchild and the first Shepherd graduating from law school."

"Meredith, Grandma jumped the gun on that one, it's only my first year of law school."

"Which proves," Meredith said, "that there's something to be said for favorites," and Kerry began to whimper a bit as she followed her voice. "Mom…are you listening?"

"Yes, dear," Carolyn said, her heart swelled with happiness at the ease with which Meredith was adapting to her family. "I may have shown some favoritism."

"Meredith," Allie said, "I think she wants you…it's amazing, Aunt Jenna told me how she loved your voice since the moment she heard it."

"I'm sure she's fine," Meredith told her, though part of her was amazed Kerry may actually want her, and they found out a few minutes later, after she continued to whimper that it was exactly what she wanted; Meredith holding her.

"Mom," Kathleen, just as her daughter came into the kitchen, "I'm wiped out. But, we got everything on your list and mine. Well, you're happy as a little piglet," Kathleen spoke to her niece kissing her cheek, and then hugging Meredith, "being spoiled by your godmother. Hey little brother," Kathleen hugged him, "has she smiled at you yet?"

"She has as a matter of fact," Derek had risen to greet her, "but I'm sure you were hoping the answer was no, so you could tell me it's because you're her favorite aunt," he teased, and they both laughed.

"I'm so glad you're here," Kathleen told him, turning to Meredith. "Can you believe how big she is? And she definitely knows you Mer…it's amazing how she bonded with you, from the very first time. "

"Tiny, precious miracles," Meredith told Kathleen, "I'm totally in love with her."

"It's a pretty safe bet," Kathleen met Meredith's gaze, and knew her heart continued to heal, "she's totally in love with you too."

"Hey," Derek said, "she's beginning to recognize me too," and took the baby from Meredith, "aren't you little one?" Kerry indeed curled into him, completely trusting this new voice in her life, as she would so very often throughout her life.

"Mer," Kathleen sat next to her after serving herself a cup of hot chocolate, "now you've met my baby," she smiled at Allie. "Laura is on her way with Kevin, she was dropping off all our shopping at home."

"Your baby," Meredith said of Kathleen's daughter, "is lovely."

"She is," Kathleen said, "my own first precious miracle," and reached for Meredith's hand and squeezed gently, and whispered, "you'll have yours…our second babies…will be that special always."

"Our first little miracles," Meredith smiled at her, thankful for Kathleen's acceptance, for her love and friendship.

"Mom, do you need any help? Kevin has everything I've prepared ready to cook."

"We're all set dear, and all your sisters should be here around one, so you and Meredith are free to carry with your plans."

"What plans?" Derek asked, the baby now fast asleep in his arms.

"Kathleen, you really went shopping today," Meredith changed the subject, "on Black Friday?"

"It's practically a tradition, though Mom had most of her shopping done already, since she knew she wouldn't be coming with us this year. I'm exhausted. We were at Macy's at six in the morning …" she said and went on to tell of the rest of the six hour of shopping."

"Mer," Derek asked again, "what plans?"

"Uncle Derek," Allie said, "we should put her down, she'll nap for a couple hours."

"Why?" Derek asked, cuddling the baby closer.

"Because," Allie said, "you're going to spoil her if you don't."

"We're only here this weekend," Derek argued, "she can't get spoiled."

"Derek," Meredith said, "Allie's right, I think you should...or Jenna will kill us if she wants to be held all the time."

"And," Kathleen said, "you have her tonight, so you want her to sleep in the bassinet," she teased, "I'd bet my life on it."

"We're babysitting tonight?" Derek asked.

"All three girls," Kathleen smirked, "and don't forget they're not sleeping just because their eyes are closed."

"I know that," Derek said, and reluctantly let Allie take the baby and put her down in the portable crib that had been brought to the kitchen. "But, Mer, how does Kathleen know we're babysitting and I don't?"

"Mom," Meredith asked, "I noticed she has her own bassinet in Jenna's room. Do you think she'll be ok tonight, she won't miss the one at home?"

"Sweetheart," Carolyn joined them at the table, "she'll be fine; that bassinet was Kathleen's and all the kids have used it, then the grandkids and they always do just fine sleeping at Granma's."

Suddenly the commotion outside signaled chaos was about to begin, and Carolyn smiled and closed her eyes briefly. "Irish, I'm so blessed…our family is all going to be here, together for the first time in years…and our son…our baby boy…Irish, I wish you could be here and see how happy he is. He found his soul mate…just like us."

The door swung open and little ones were the first to arrive. "Granma…" Meghan ran to her excitedly, "Dr. Cris is so funny…she not know about mouses that gots to become beautiful horses… and they take Cinderella to the ball."

"Dr. Cris," Derek smirked at her and she shrugged her shoulders.

"I bet you told her all about it," Carolyn had the three year old sitting on her lap.

"I did Granma, and Katie and Emma and Becky they helped me cause of I can't read."

"Hi Mommy," Emma kissed her mother; then sat next to her sister. "Allie, I'm so happy you're home, I miss you so much when you're at school."

"So am I Emma," the older sister kissed hugged her little sister. "I miss you all the time."

Derek used the diversion to pull Meredith aside, "why are we babysitting?"

"Because," Meredith smiled at him, "Kerry's almost six weeks old."

"So?" He asked.

"I told you Jenna was going to see her doctor today," Meredith told him.

"Mer," Derek asked, "can you be a little more clear?"

"Sex, Derek," she giggled, "if everything's ok, they'll want time alone…it's been six weeks."

"I had to ask," he shook his head and she laughed, cupping his face and kissing him.

"Derek," she smiled at him, "you don't mind, do you?"

I don't mind," he raised an eyebrow and kissed her. "We already know we can do quiet."

"Mama Shep," Cristina's voice got everyone's attention, "you're going to need a lot more than a bottle of Palmolive to clean up the thoughts going through Mom & Dad's brain right now," and all the adults including Mark and Lexie laughed.

"Grown up talk," Rebecca muttered, "it always happens when they start kissing, just like Mommy and Daddy."

"Mommy and Daddy," Katie added, "kiss all the time in the kitchen, and since my little sister was born…Mommy always tells Daddy he has to stop …cause she says she can't kiss him like that cause they gots to wait."

"Meredith dear," Carolyn said with a twinkle in her eye, "when Jenna mentions that conversation we had earlier this morning, right before they got here…you may want to remember this one...even out the playing field."

"Allie," Emma turned to her sister who had laughed when her uncle choked on his coffee, "you know what they're talking about don't you?"

"Not really," her sister said, "I just got here with Mom."

"Allie," her little sister smiled at her, challenging her, "you know about grown up talk…"

"Just a little," her sister hugged her. "Did you have a good time last night? Were you girls up talking after Grandma went to sleep," she asked and her sister filled her in on their morning adventure at Carolyn's and then Patricia's home.

The next hour witnessed the arrival of most of the family and introductions to Carolyn's west coast grandkids; the kitchen the gathering place for the Shepherd siblings as all affectionately greeted Meredith and Derek; their families eventually scattered throughout the house.

"Nancy, I can't get over it," Meredith said as she changed Kerry's diaper, "she's slept through so much commotion, and only woke up when she was hungry."

"She lets you know she wants food," Nancy spoke directly to her niece, "don't you my little piglet, you're twelve pounds and we're going to have to put you on a diet if you keep this up," the baby smiled and gurgled.

"You can't put her on a diet," Meredith told her, "she's perfect…and she's healthy."

"Listen to that," Nancy picked up the baby, "your godmother is already defending you."

"You better be nice," Meredith teased, "I'm letting you hold her."

"Meredith," Nancy said. "I'm glad you and Derek are here. Mom's beside herself. She hasn't been this excited and happy to celebrate Thanksgiving in a very long time."

"It means a lot to Derek to be here…and for me…to be part of your family."

Kerry followed Meredith's voice attentively. "She knows your voice so well," Nancy said, "this little one was truly meant to be your godchild."

"Thank you," Meredith said, the relationship with Nancy still a bit more reserved than with the others, "it means a lot to me that you'd say that."

"Meredith," Nancy said, "Jenna was really worried that you'd be angry…that you couldn't forgive her. I told you, she's always been the most sensitive and we've all protected her since Dad died, but…she was really angry with me and Kathleen that we were so careless, that we didn't warn her…that she hurt you. But, we felt strongly…that we should respect your privacy…but, I'm sorry…that you were hurt…after your visit."

"Nancy," Meredith told her. "Jenna and I spoke earlier…and it's ok…I understood, I did..I do…and there's no apologies needed from any of you."

Kerry whimpered a bit, turning her face toward Meredith who gave her the pacifier, which was quickly spit out.

"Take her," Nancy smiled, "you can always soothe her," and she did. "I told her," Nancy said, "you'd feel that way…it's who you are. My brother is lucky."

"We both are," Meredith told her, "to have each other."

"Yes," Nancy agreed, happy to see the contentment in Meredith's expression as she cuddled Kerry. "Meredith, the day we met, I'm not sure if you know this, he told me you were wonderful and smart…and many other things he obviously loved about you and would not share with me, but he also told me that you were none of my business. I want you to know I believe he was right about you…but now, things have changed; you're my business too, because you make my brother happy, happier than I've ever seen him. I pointed out then, that he'd never spoken about anyone as he did about you…the way he looked when he spoke of you, not even Addison, and he told me he'd never felt that way about anyone, especially her."

"Thank you," Meredith said, and she could not help the sentimental tears that gathered, "he never told me that…at that time, things weren't so easy for us."

"I thought you should know," Nancy was not above being sentimental too, "that I'm sorry…for how I judged you…because looking back over the years, he was never as happy as I see him now, and that's because of you… "

"I'm happy because of him too," Meredith said, "I never had that before either."

"Well," Nancy said, "now you have him…and all of us…and I think the two of you together was fate at its best…and I mean that sincerely."

"I believe you do," Meredith smiled at her.

"If he ever gets out of line, that infamous brainless gene he carries…just let me know," Nancy said, "I've got no problems with flying in just to kick some sense into him."

"I'll be sure to call you," Meredith smiled, before she felt a gentle hug.

"Meredith," Nancy said, "when your next baby is ready to meet us…it's not just Mom and Kathleen that will be there…if you let me, I'd like to be there too."

Meredith's gaze met hers, understanding the need for the conversation to take place; thankful of the affection from his sister; the bonds of friendship continuing to develop. "We'll want you there…when the time comes…I'd like for you to be there to welcome our baby."

"Aunt Merdith," Katie came into the room, "we're getting ready to watch the parade and Granma says you can watch with us…cause she has all the cooks she needs and you can take Dr. Cris with you too…"

"I'll be right there sweetie," Meredith told her, "I'm just going to get all of Kerry's things to bring with me."

"Aunt Merdith, Mommy and Granma have everything for Kerry in her baby bed. "Daddy says it's riculous," she laughed and bounced out of the room.

"The translation to that," Nancy laughed, "it's ridiculous because he's a man. She has her bassinet, as you can see here and I understand you're looking after her tonight."

"They've been gone an awfully long time," Meredith laughed, "guess she got her ok."

"Oh she did," Nancy laughed, and the baby gurgled at Meredith, "I made a quick stop on the way here, to check on our patients, so Kirk could meet Jenna at the office, mind you, she talked him into meeting her at the office rather than driving to the hospital, and when I called him to give him an update on the mom with triplets he told me."

"Uhmm…" Meredith spoke to the baby, "little one, I think that's one bet worth starting."

"You're too late," Nancy laughed good naturedly, "Mark's already got one going."

"Figures…" Meredith laughed, "let me get what we need for the baby."

"Mer," Nancy said, "believe me, Katie was right, Mom and Jenna have duplicates of everything, makes it easier for them. There's the portable crib in the kitchen as you saw, and one just like it in the basement with everything you need, except her milk bottles."

"Oh," Meredith said, "it does make sense, instead of having to take everything from room to room."

"There's been 5 kids and 14 grandkids raised here," Nancy told her. "Mom's got it down to a science and we've learned by default, not to mention Alice and Aunt Pat's contributions to make things easier." Nancy held Kerry's chubby hand and spoke to her, "except for the men, isn't that right sweetie, they can all be as brainless as your uncle Derek," and the baby smiled. "She smiles," Nancy said and kissed the baby's forehead, "as though she understands."

"She seems to like the word brainless," Meredith told her, "Derek hasn't caught on yet."

Both women laughed as they walked out of Jenna's room to go join the family in the kitchen.

"Carolyn," Meredith joked with her mother in law, "I understand you want me out of the kitchen with orders to take Dr. Cris with me."

"That's right dear," Carolyn said, "I've got too many cooks in the kitchen and we do need help with the children, and since," Carolyn walked over to her and smiled at the baby in her arms, "you're an expert at the see-saw it's fitting you get kid duty, isn't that right little one, your godmother is in charge of the basement."

"Mom," Meredith used her mother in law's much preferred title, "I'm not really in charge, am I? I don't know anything about keeping kids entertained."

"You know more than enough," Carolyn gave her a reassuring hug, "and more than you know about the kitchen."

"That's for damn sure," Cristina mumbled, after silently watching her person's interaction with Derek's family.

"It's a good thing," Nancy said to Cristina, "you don't have little ones around ready to call you on the carpet over you language."

"Believe me," Cristina told her, "it's happened plenty of times today, here and at Pat's."

"Aunt Pat's worse than Mom," Nancy laughed. "Ma, what can I do?"

"Kat's at Alice's, so are the guys watching football. You and I can handle the kitchen, so can Maggie when she gets here; she had an emergency at the hospital."

"Mom," Meredith said, "so it's just the girls I need to watch?"

Carolyn laughed, "just the girls are a handful, plus you'll have your three kids as well."

"I thought Mark was with the guys," Meredith cuddled the baby who was following all the conversations, her head moving between Carolyn's and Meredith's voice.

"He and Lexie are in the basement," Cristina told her, then quipped. "That sounds vaguely dangerous. Mom," she teased Meredith, "you better get there and chaperone."

"You're on that bandwagon," Nancy asked Cristina, "are you?"

"Kind of inevitable," Cristina said, "and disturbing. It's cradle snatching."

"Let's go Cristina," Meredith said, "you haven't been drinking, have you?"

"Meredith," Carolyn called out to her, "put that baby down or you won't get any sleep tonight. You're spoiling her."

"I'm never here," Meredith said, "and it's only been a few hours…"

"Put her down," Carolyn insisted, "she's used to being in her crib or bassinet."

"Mom," Nancy said, "you're as bad when Kerry's here."

"Yes," Carolyn admitted, "but then she goes home. Tonight, she's sleeping here and I want to get some sleep; we have a house full of guests tomorrow."

"Truth comes out," Nancy laughed. "She doesn't care if you sleep, only if she does."

"We know they're not going to get much sleep," Carolyn said. "Either sex or babies will keep them up tonight."

"Mama Shep," Cristina chuckled, "can you say that in front of Shepherd? Please? He looks good really good in that particular shade of red," and all three women laughed, while Kerry gurgled.

"Let's go my nosy little one," Meredith cooed to Kerry, "Granma is being mean while your godfather's away."

"Mean," Carolyn raised an eyebrow, "really…who made sure you had uninterrupted time with your husband this morning?"

Meredith giggled and placed the baby in Carolyn's arms for a grandmotherly cuddle. "I love you Carolyn," and their gazes met, both thankful for the newfound relationship, their mutual feelings and emotions made clear as Meredith said, "Mom…I really do."

"Aunt Merdith," Katie exclaimed as she stepped into the basement, "we've been waiting a long time since I tolds you we gonna watch the parade."

"You've been in good company," Meredith said, "with all your cousins."

"Not all the cousins," Rebecca chimed in, "just the girl cousins, that's better."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma said, "we watched the Macy's parade yesterday, just like every year, but there's another one and Granma saved it for us to watch today…but that's just so we stay out of the kitchen…"

"Aunt Pat says it's to keep us from getting under foot," Amanda, Nancy's ten year old informed her. "But, we don't want to cook anyway. You can buy stuff already made."

"My kind of kid," Cristina said to Meredith.

"Yang," Mark said, "set a good example."

"Oh…cause you do?" Cristina retorted.

"Cristina," Lexie warned, "little pitchers…"

Cristina looked at Lexie, "more quotes from Lexipedia."

"Ignore her," Mark said, and whispered to Lexie who laughed.

"Can we get the parade started," Caroline Nicole, Nancy's twelve year old asked, "I want to see how many kids they have singing, because I'm going to be on a float one day."

"We gonna come watch you Nikki," Rebecca, her younger sister said, "we all get to go the parade, but it has to be Macy's cause we all live near New York."

"Aunty M," Meghan was quickly at her side, "you gonna come to the parade when Nikki gets to sing…you bring Uncle D?"

"I sure will," Meredith told her, "and so will Uncle Derek."

"But, you gots to bring," Meghan insisted, "Dr. Cris and Dr. Lexie and Dr. Mark."

"You have no idea what they're talking about," Lauren, Nancy's second child whispered to her. "About Nikki's dream to sing on a float at the Macy's parade."

"None at all," Meredith admitted.

"We'll fill you in," Lauren told her. "Ok…time for the parade," and she switched on the DVR and hit play.

Over an hour later Derek found her sitting on the floor surrounded by three of his nieces.

Kerry, didn't count as she was asleep on Meredith's lap, oblivious to the noise around her.

"Hey," Derek greeted her, nuzzling her neck and a kiss, "I noticed Lexie's allowed in the kitchen."

"What are you doing here," Meredith smiled at him, "thought the guys were all watching football?"

"Wanted to see you," his hand caressed her back.

"You're checking up on me," she whispered to him. "I'm fine."

"I know you are," he whispered back, truly thankful for the way she'd adapted to his family, all gathered together for the first time since his marriage to Addison had failed; his sisters had welcomed her completely, but the kids he knew had spent many years where he and Addison had been a couple. Little did he know he truly had nothing to worry about; the kids, at least the girls, didn't give a second thought to Addison.

"I love you," she told him and brushed his lips with hers, instinctively understanding his concern, and wanting to reassure she was in no way threatened by the past. "I'm enjoying all of this, really."

Derek sat on the floor next to her, wrapping his arms around her, pulling her back into him. The baby lay asleep on her lap; Meghan had long ago given up on the parade and was currently playing with Meredith's bracelet now in her hand, and making up stories of each charm as she talked to her older cousin Laura. Cristina was on the couch asleep.

"What are you two smirking at," Derek asked Allie and Laura, as he'd seen them exchange glances and laugh while looking at him and Meredith.

"The two of you…you remind us of Mom and Dad," Laura told him. "They still act like lovebirds," she laughed, "unless their arguing…"

"Arguing," Meredith questioned. "I've never seen them…"

"Irish tempers," Allie laughed, "which only leads to making up…"

"You're not supposed to be talking this way," Derek told them, "it's…you're kids."

"We're all grown up Uncle Derek…away from home at college…" Laura told him, "and we kinda know of the birds and the bees."

"Laura," Meghan looked up to her, "I not see a bird here…and I no like bees."

"Let' see," Laura said to her, "what else do we have …"

"A boat," Meghan announced proudly, "I see it in the TV cause of that's where Uncle D and Aunty M got mawwied cause of there is lots of water and Aunty Kat and Uncle Kevin and Granma was there…and I see Dr. Cris and Dr. Mark and Dr. Lexie in all the photos that Granma has."

"Yep," Laura told her, "it's a boat."

"Laura," Meghan corrected her, "you gots to learn the real name, cause of I don't remember but Aunty M told us…it had a funny name."

"Yes," Laura said indulgently, "it's called a gondola."

"I call it a boat till I get grown up like you," Meghan told her, "right Aunty M…cause I little I can call it a boat till I grows up."

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith smiled at her.

"Aunty M," Meghan was suddenly very serious, "Mommy says my baby sister has to sleep in her bed…cause of you can't hold her all the time cause of she gets cranky at night."

"The mouth of babes," Derek laughed, as he nuzzled her neck. "Ma told me to make sure she was in the portable crib."

"I wasn't the only one holding her," she looked to Laura and Allie.

"That's true," Allie said, "but you have hogged her most of the time."

"Traitor," Meredith mouthed to her, and they exchanged a smile.

"Girls," Derek spoke to his older nieces, "tell us about school. How are you doing? Laura this is your first year, what do you think so far?"

"Uncle Derek," the young nineteen year old said, "I have to admit I'm really glad Allie was there, that we're sharing an apartment, because I'd be really homesick otherwise. I never thought I'd miss being away from home so much, even miss the younger kids."

Kerry started to stretch and Allie went to grab the play mat. "They can't say we're spoiling her, if we're not holding her," she winked at Meredith, and when the baby woke, Meredith passed her on to her oldest cousin, "we can share her." After she was changed, she was indeed placed on the play mat and her sister transferred her interest from making up stories to talking and playing with her baby sister, though Kerry kept turning her head toward her godmother's voice.

"Your Mom and Dad are proud of you both," Derek told them, "both valedictorians and top of the class now …you make us all proud."

"Thanks," Allie said, "Uncle Derek. Law school, it really is what I want to do."

"Tell me more about it," Derek said, his hand familiarly caressing Meredith's arm, "we were interrupted before."

Allie began telling him her plans, "I've already set my mind on getting to intern as a Supreme Court Clerk, and being at Harvard and with my grades, I've got a shot at it, and I'm going to do everything possible to get there."

"That's quite a goal," Derek said. "Not too many get that."

"But, it's not impossible," Allie told him.

"Uncle Derek," her younger sister said. "I'm sure she's going to get it…you know," she met his gaze, "those feelings we get…like Aunt Pat…I know she will."

"Even if you don't," Derek told his niece, "we'll be just as proud of you."

"Uncle Derek," Allie said, suddenly very serious. "Loopholes in the law allowed Granpa's murderers to get away with mild sentences. I was about five, but I remember how much Grandma cried when she found out they had been released for good behavior and 10 years later they're back in jail for another murder. They robbed her of spending her life with him, and Mom and all of you growing up with him…they robbed us of our Grandfather. The Court interprets the law, and I'm going to work to make sure families that suffer losses like ours get justice."

Meredith's eyes filled with tears, as did Derek's at the young woman's impassioned speech, and once he was able to speak, though his words still reflected how much he had been affected by her words, he went to her and hugged her tightly. "I'm so very proud of you, but I don't want you to be bitter about this…I want you to live your life without this burden."

"It's not," the young woman wiped away her tears, "it's not a burden. It's for Grandma…and for that second family whose life was shattered and Mom…and you…and my family, who are the most important thing in my life…it's for Granma," she used the childhood name, "because she made it possible for us to be the family we are today…all by herself…she made sure we knew him…and taught us that family is the most important thing. It's not a burden Uncle Derek, it's what I am meant to do."

"Allie," her sister, equally touched, though she'd heard this before, "I'm really proud of you too," and she reached for her hand. The bonds of family, the strength of sibling love, the foundations of a lifetime of unconditional love and acceptance.

"So am I Laurie," her older sister said. "You're going to be my voice of reason and keep me sane," she smiled. "Uncle Derek, Laurie's decided she's going to be a shrink, like Mom."

"You are?" Derek said, pride in his voice, "a doctor?"

"Mom doesn't know yet," Laura told him, "only Allie…now you…I just decided over the last few weeks, I'm going to tell them this weekend," and the four of them discussed the girls' future education plans.

"Uncle Derek," Emma joined them. "Did you ever watch the other parade on Thanksgiving?"

"We always watched Macy's Parade," Derek told her, "in fact sometimes we went to see it live, with Aunt Pat and Aunt Mary and all the kids."

"You did?" Emma asked, "we went one year but just only with Aunt Maggie, not with all the cousins."

"Tell you what," Derek said, "the next time Meredith and I are here for Thanksgiving, we'll take all of you to the parade."

"You mean," Emma asked him, her expression turned sad, "you're not going to be here next year?"

"Emma," Meredith said, "we have to work on Thanksgiving sometimes, you know that, since we're doctors and it's too early to know if we can be off next year or not."

"Oh…" Emma said and smiled. "I get it."

"Why are you smiling?" Derek asked, almost certain of the one word answer.

"Cause I love you Uncle Derek," she said and he went to join the other kids, calling out to him to watch the rest of the parade with them. Later he would overhear her tell Meredith, "that's what Mommy means when she says Uncle Derek is brainless, cause he didn't think before he told us something."

Meredith giggled at Emma's astuteness, followed by another comment. "Aunt Meredith," she laughed, as she joined Meghan and Kerry, near both her older sisters, "look at the parade," and pointed to the television screen, "those men doing a drill with briefcases, isn't that the silliest thing in the world?"

"I have to agree with you Emma," she read the screen caption, _Fred Hill Detroit Drill,_ "I'd never seen that before and it is quite silly."

"Uncle D," Katie was sitting on his lap across the other side of the room, "look it's Sponge Bob…" and then went on to explain to a clueless Derek who the character was. "Aunt Pat said she's gonna tell Granma we can use my Sponge Bob to soak up all the wrong words grown ups are going to use today, cause Dr. Cris and Dr. Mark used a whole bunch while they was with us at Aunt Pat's house and Meggie went to get Aunty Pat's soap, but it's not the same as Granma's cause she uses Palmolive and it's green…but Aunt Pat's…" his niece went on about the issue.

"Meredith," Allie said, "it's been really nice spending time with you."

"It has," Laura echoed. "Mom liked you right away, she said by the time she came home when she first met you that she knew you would become her sister. That's enough for me…and Allie…we've talked about it…how happy we see Uncle Derek, we saw the wedding video when we were here for Aunt Jenna's baby shower."

Jennifer joined them, "I don't think I got the humor in that briefcase drill."

"Are you saturated with floats," Laura asked Jennifer, Nancy's oldest daughter.

"Thank God Uncle Derek's stuck there now," Jennifer said, "Katie's talked my ear off."

"Aunty M," Meghan walked over to her rubbing her eyes. "I tired…where's my Mommy? I nap with her and my baby sister…cause of she's no longer in her tummy…but I still a little girl…and I nap with Mommy…"

"How about," Meredith said, reaching for her and sitting her on her lap, "if you nap with me? Would that be ok? Mommy and Daddy will be here in a little while."

"I nap with you…and my baby sister, but she gots to eat first…Aunty M…her whole hand is in her mouth…so she's gonna cry soon if she don't eat and Mommy' s not here so we needs to find a bottle…cause of Kerry can cry really loud if she's hungry."

"I'll get it," Laura said, "I'll be right back."

"Meggie, Emma," Rebecca called out to them, "quick come see, Santa's float is coming."

Derek's laughter and the children's giggles signaled the end of the parade and Cristina's nap. Meredith sat cross legged on the floor, feeding Kerry.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie ran to her, but first kissed the baby's cheek and spoke to her sister, who immediately released the bottle and gave her sister a milky smile; Meredith wiped off the sides of her mouth, before the baby made it clear she wanted more. "Uncle D told us you're babysitting Kerry tonight, so we get to cuddle with you in the morning…and Meggie and Katie and Rebecca cause she's not big yet like Amanda and Nikki."

"That's right," Meredith said, glancing over at Derek and shaking her head at him. "You get to cuddle with us in the morning, but you have to sleep in your beds, and in the morning, you knock on our door and you can come in to cuddle."

"Cause you lock your door," Katie said, "like Aunt Kat and Uncle Kevin, cause Meggie and I we sleep there one day…and Emma said we had to knock on the door before we can go in to cuddle."

"Oh God," Laura laughed, "Allie, nothing's changed."

"Thank God," Jennie said, "it's the aunt's that are having six more babies."

"You know about that," Meredith asked the three girls.

"Aunt Meredith," Jennifer said, "we're a really nosy family…hardly any secrets."

"Ok," Derek said and leaned down to kiss Meredith, "we're off to the playground. Who's coming with me," and was followed by five of his young nieces.

"I stays with you," Meghan said, as she lay her head on Meredith's lap.

Cristina had joined the older group of nieces. "Dr. Cris," Rebecca called out, "you have to come with us, we like you."

"Yeah, Yang," Derek chuckled, "we like you."

"You owe me," Cristina mumbled to Meredith. "I'll be there in a minute."

"You've been napping for two hours," Meredith told her.

"Still," Cristina retorted. "It's little people."

"Cristina," Allie said, "you're just like Mom and Granma described you."

"Hard core," Cristina said.

"No," Allie told her. "Caring and loyal …

"What…" Cristina objected, "that's…well, it's just not right."

"And hard core," Allie conceded.

"Two out of three," Cristina said.

"We don't think so," Laura said. "Granma also said you'd be a softie too."

"I am not." Cristina argued, and the baby frowned at her louder tone.

"Cristina," Meredith said, "you're upsetting the baby."

"She slept through the stampede in the kitchen and a two hour parade," Cristina said, "and I'm upsetting her."

"She's only seen the softie," Meredith smirked, "side of you. Now you're loud."

"Bitch."

"Oh no," Meghan lifted her head immediately. "Dr. Cris…"

"I'm sorry," Cristina said, "Meghan…that was a very bad word."

"Uh huh…" Meghan agreed, and put her head back down on Meredith's lap, and Cristina watched as Meredith who was now burping the baby, removed her hand from the baby's back for a second and gently caressed Meghan's curly dark locks.

"Meredith," Allie said, "earlier when Laurie told you what Granma and Mom said after they met you, they were right…they love you…and they're my role models…and they're never wrong. It's really nice to finally spend time with you…and have you in our family."

"Aunt Meredith," Jennifer said, "when you were here last time…and now…seeing you with the kids. Well, we grew up with Addison, half of our life she was around, but she was never like you… she would have never spent time with us in the basement, watching a parade to entertain the little ones, she never spent time with the kids. I don't think she ever got this is who we are, that our family is important and we take care of each other."

"Ok," Meredith said, while Cristina watched her and fully understood the significance of what being part of Derek's family meant to her friend. "You're going to make me as bad as Jenna," and she blinked away the tears, "and I don't think she likes to share that spotlight," and her three oldest nieces laughed, as Cristina made her way up the basement stairs, a smile on her face, and an infrequent burning in her eyes touched her heart; her person was happy, and she was happy to be sharing the moments with her.

"Meredith," Laura teased, "given how long Aunt Jenna and Uncle Rob have been gone, I don't think she's going to care," and their laughter was shared with the littlest family member, who decided the conversation was more interesting than her bottle, and gurgled away, milk bubbles blending with a smile that filled Meredith's heart with joy.


	221. Chapter 221

_A/N 12/31/10 Thank you all so very much for your continued support and interest in this story. _

_The best laid plans…as they say…often go awry… should have had this chapter completed Monday, after our entire office got the flu, I got it last but worst… and have spent 3 days in bed, including a wicked headache without any energy to read or edit what I'd written... so bad news was I wasn't going out anywhere tonight, .thus got to write the last 5 of 20 pages...you won't be suprised that I did not get all I wanted in this chapter, but rather than wait, posting what I have without delaying it further, and was determined to post before the New Year! _

_Next chapters, include the baptism, and end to their visit and their First Christmas and New Year's together (I'd really wanted to get that written to coincide with Christmas...but...) and yes...this chapter today, is full of foreshadowing..._

_Hope you're not disappointed after all this time. You'll find interspersed in their Thanksgiving blessings... little tidbits and sentimental feelings we've experienced in our family throughout the years... when we've had 20 or more gathered, each with a message to share._

_Happy New Year to each of you and your families, may you be Blessed with an abundance of health, happiness and prosperity. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 6 **_

_**Our first…Blessed filled Thanksgiving Celebration**_

Ma," Derek took off his jacket, "Nancy and Mike are taking over watching the kids," then discarded his gloves. "But, it's going to snow soon. Where's Mer?"

"The two little ones needed naps," Carolyn hugged him, "sweetheart, she's fine…but go on…join her."

"Ma," Derek hesitated, hugging her back and kissing her temple, "it's good to be home…thank you," he said and she detected the deep emotions.

"For what?" Carolyn asked.

"Accepting her…loving her…" Derek pursed his lips, "she's never had that, she's always waiting for people to walk away from her…and I did that too…I've failed her too."

"You never have to thank me for following my heart." Carolyn, touched his face gently. "Sweetheart, Meredith loves you. I knew that the first moment I met her…even before, just by talking to her…and Derek she doesn't feel you've failed her…the two of you have come such a long way, but don't forget what we spoke about when I visited you…you need to forgive yourself."

"I know," his lips pursed again, "but…I still can't forget that maybe…if I hadn't failed her…Ma…she was pregnant…weeks I made it so difficult for her…I was asking another woman out and she'd already forgiven me for walking away…that same day she came to me and … I failed her," he lowered his head in shame. "Ma she was already pregnant… the stress all of it couldn't have been good for her…for the baby…I see her with Kerry and we would have been here with our own…"

"You listen to me," Carolyn said with a determined tone, "you cannot go back… and Meredith would be very upset if she realizes you still feel this way…just look at her now…you've both come such a long way; trust her Derek…she loves you and she's ok because of that…she's not dwelling on the past…she's looking forward to the future…don't keep beating yourself over things you can't change…Derek, look at her with Kerry…and the little ones…honey…believe me…believe your old mother…she knows things too…" she smiled at him, "not just the meddling nun…" she got him to smile. "Meredith is not looking at the past…she's thinking of the future…with you…with your family…my future grandchildren."

"You know things," he said nodding his head.

"I do…" she raised her chin and nodded. "She loves you…and knowing you love her, knowing you'll never let her down is what's making it possible for her to have faith in your future together…put the past behind…she doesn't blame you, and you have to stop blaming yourself…no more brooding Derek Christopher."

"Ma," Derek said, and paused to get his emotions in check, "I've missed you…our family…so much."

"I've missed you, sweetheart," Carolyn said sentimentally, her hand cupping his face gently, "we all have. It had been too long…since our family had been together …and happy…"

"Ma," Derek hugged her, "I love you."

"Derek, I love you and I'm proud of you," then added," Dad would be proud too."

"Ma," Derek said, her answer never more important than at this moment, when he'd bared his doubts to her, "you really think so…he'd be proud…even when…"

"He was always proud of you…and I know…that's the way he would feel today."

"Thank you," Derek said, his eyes revealing the depth of his emotions.

"Go to her," Carolyn instructed, equally touched. "She's been on kid duty a long time."

Carolyn Shepherd smiled as he took the kitchen stairs to the second floor and then watched through the Dutch door window, her youngest daughter and husband holding hands and walking to the area where the kids were playing outside; Mark, Lexie and Cristina obediently watching over the younger kids, while Nancy and her husband walked up to them, shortly to be joined by Mark, all three making them endure the countless taunts and snickering over their extended absence.

Carolyn, on certain occasions, allowed football schedules to alter dinner time; this Friday was no exception, thus after a light luncheon at Pat's, all was on schedule for a six o'clock sit down dinner.

Derek approached the slightly ajar bedroom door and heard his wife's unmistakable snoring; he walked in and smiled as the sight before him, his three year old niece sleeping peacefully with her tiny arms hugging Meredith possessively; their goddaughter was another story as he slowly approached the bassinet close to Meredith and the almost six week old baby was alert and awake, fascinated by the bright colored toy that had been placed on the border of the fifty year old bassinet.

Gently he lifted the very contented baby from her bed and carefully wrapped the small blanket around her, and cuddling her close to him walked to the far corner of the room near the windows.

"Hey," he spoke in whispers, "Kerry…you're a very lucky little girl…you've got so many people that love you…and the most special Granma in the world…and I promised your Granpa," his voice cracked, "I'd always take care of your Mommy…but I don't think he heard me…I think he was already in Heaven…and I'm always going to take care of you…and your sisters," and the baby listened to his every word, and Derek was so enthralled and mesmerized by the tiny baby in his arm, that he didn't realize all but his voice was quiet in the room.

Jenna was surprised to find the bedroom door partially open and peeked in, and was immediately met with her sister in law's gaze and her finger raised to her lips, and she walked slowly to the bed and lay down on her brother's side, and listened to the loving gentle tone of her brother's voice as he spoke to her newborn daughter.

"You are going to be a very spoiled little girl," Derek continued, "because you have the best godmother in the world," he smiled as the baby cooed back, "you do…and you know, I'll tell you a secret…all your nosy aunts and your godmother keep saying I'm brainless," the baby smiled, "but I was smart enough not to let her get away…and she forgave me…even when she didn't have to…because I hurt her a lot…"

Meredith carefully transferred Meghan to her mother's arms, and was ready to get up from the bed, but Jenna's touch on her arm stopped her, and his sister shook her head, and said very quietly, "wait…let him…"

"Do you know…your Aunt Meredith…or your Aunty M… loves you so much…and when you're all grown up," he paced slowly backed and forced along the windows, "you'll understand what it means that she's the love of my life…and that's what I want for you…that you'll have someone you feel that way about…but, not till you're all grown up, but you have your Granma to teach you about that…loving someone for a lifetime," the baby smiled, "you're very picky aren't you," he smiled, "you like some words better than others," he kissed the baby's cheek, "but…back to your godmother…you'll also learn this word…she's extraordinary," the baby smiled and cooed, and he chuckled softly. Jenna squeezed Meredith's arm gently as the two women listened to the conversation; "yes…she is…and you're very smart by agreeing with me…and I want you to know that I think …I know…you're going to be the very same way…you have brought such joy to us little one…and each moment she spends with you," his voice cracked, "each moment I spend with you…you've helped to heal our hearts…till one day…we have our own precious tiny treasure like you…" Derek smiled at the baby, his eyes glistening, "but you will always be our own very special little angel …"

Jenna and Meredith sniffled, each wiping away at their tears; the slight movement and sound from the bed no longer unnoticed.

"Well," Derek smiled, "what do you know…" he shifted the baby so she was looking outside through the windows, "it's snowing…I think it's the very first time it's snowed since you were born…and I get to share that with you…look Kerry," he got closer to the window, "look at the snowflakes…each one is special and different….and beautiful, just like you…" the baby talked backed to him in her own precious way.

"That's right," Derek said, "you're a very smart little girl…and not brainless at all," the baby smiled, and Derek laughed softly, "yes…you are…and even smarter than nosy women…who think I haven't figured out you like that word…"

Meredith and Jenna exchanged glances, both giggling silently.

"Now…it's time to get your gift…your first Thanksgiving…"

Meredith leaped out of bed and walked over to him and wrapped her arms around him.

"Eavesdropping," he raised an eyebrow.

"Are you mad at me?" She asked, momentarily unsure.

"I love you," he said, brushing her lips with his, and then placed the baby in her arms. "Kerry," he spoke to the baby, "just remember you can't ever tell your Mommy she's not my favorite…but you are..."

Jenna's soft laugh made him smile, and he went to grab a small bag from a drawer, and glanced over at his sister cuddling Meghan.

"You didn't tell me you got her a gift," Meredith told him. "You say I'm spoiling her?"

"So did you…" he teased her, "and didn't tell me either…"

"How…" Meredith hesitated, "well…I did…but you'd have told me I was spoiling her and it is her first Thanksiginv…and it was appropriate…and…"

Derek silenced her with his lips, "I loved what you got her…"

"You know…" Meredith said, "how?"

"Cookies on the computer…" he kissed her again, "the last page on the site you visited."

"Sneaky…" she smirked.

"Not brainless," he teased back.

"Not brainless at all," she smiled, "isn't that right Kerry," she locked gazes with him, "but he forgot to tell you," she whispered softly, "you have your very own little Angel too…"

Derek wrapped his arms around them both, "you do…your own little baby angel…in Heaven with your Granpa…and her name is Brianna…"

Meredith kissed his lips softly, the baby protested being squished between them, making her godmother laugh. "You're just impatient aren't you…my little noisy piglet…"

The godparents walked over to the Jenna, the still sleeping older sister undisturbed. "My daughter," Jenna said, "is the most fortunate baby in the world…to have two extraordinary godparents."

"How long were you two listening," Derek questioned.

"Does it really matter?" Jenna asked.

"No," Derek said.

Kerry at the sound of her mother turned immediately toward her, gurgling her delight.

"You've missed me…" Jenna smiled, "finally," she reached for her daughter who immediately turned to her mother's breast. " Not quite," Jenna laughed, "it's all about eating…Mer…when did she eat last?"

Meredith gave her a summarized version of the hours she'd been gone. "I figured if you were gone much longer, we'd give her another bottle at four."

"Kerry," Jenna cooed to her daughter, "you're being Mommy's piglet…you can't eat every ninety minutes… we have to wait a little bit," she turned the baby's face away for her breast, "let's see if Uncle Derek can distract you with his gift…"

"Happy Thanksgiving baby," Derek said as he took out a small stuffed turkey, sitting on its fat cushy rump with its golden feet extended; rust colored tail feathers matched the neck and the contrasting green tail coverts matched an adorable cap that made Meredith smile.

"It looks like a mama turkey," Meredith smiled.

"Like a lazy mama turkey," Jenna giggled, reaching for the bird and showing it to her daughter, "just like this little piglet."

"You don't like it," Derek said, a little disappointed. "I thought she'd like it."

"Oh…Derek," Meredith said, and wrapped her arms around his waist, "it's adorable…she's going to love it, aren't you baby," she said as the baby reacted by looking from one adult to the other.

"Kerry," Jenna spoke softly, "why don't you show your Uncle Derek how much you like your very first Thanksgiving turkey…sweetie...what do you say," she held the cute turkey closer to her but the baby didn't react, and Jenna placed her in Derek's arms. "Maybe she needs to know it's from her godfather…her first Thanksgiving present…on the same day she got to see snowflakes for the first time…" she spoke to the baby, and handed the stuffed animal to Meredith.

"Kerry," Meredith said, "this is the most adorable little turkey I've ever seen…and your Uncle Derek wanted to celebrate your very first Thanksgiving…" she held the turkey up to the baby's limited field of vision.

"You can hold it closer to her," Derek said, "it's made of all organic materials and it's been sanitized and everything…I made sure so she could touch it and it's not full of germs and…"

Meredith grabbed her tiny hand and allowed her to touch the texture of her first Thanksgiving gift, and the baby smiled, and she saw the look on her husband's face, and thought of the moment they too would experience similar firsts.

"You like that," Derek cooed when the baby smiled, "it's made special just for you," he said of the gift he'd spent hours looking for and making sure it was one of a kind, while two of the most important women in his life had yet to discover the special tag that said,_ Kerry Beatrice's first Thanksgiving._

"What do you say sweetie," Jenna said, "how about another smile for your Uncle Derek."

"Mer get her your gifts," Derek said, "before sleeping beauty wakes up."

"Gifts," Jenna said, "are you guys crazy…you can't be getting her things all …"

"Jen," Derek interrupted her, "we can…just accept it."

"You're going to spoil her rotten." Jenna said.

"So," Derek ignored her and smiled. "You should be happy," he teased, "she's our favorite niece…" paused for the effect, "and godchild…"

"Jerk," Jenna smiled. "Meggie better not hear you saying that… she's very sensitive."

"Jen," Derek said, "she has nothing to worry about…did you see her sleeping? She only cares about Meredith."

"She does not," Meredith said, as she joined them after getting Kerry's gift. "She loves you completely."

"Yeah…well," he winked at Jenna, "it's you she wants to spend time with."

"Derek…" Meredith answered, "she's just all about little girl things…and…"

"Mer," he assured her, "I'm teasing…and nothing makes me happier than seeing her, and the rest of the kids wanting to be with you."

Kerry, to Derek's amusement and delight had her tiny hand wrapped around the tukey's narrow neck; the inquisitive and curious look in her eyes ever present.

"Kerry," Derek said, "I think you're going to like your godmother's gifts even more…"

"You looked," Meredith accused playfully, "I have to watch you from now on…"

"We're going to spend a lot of time together," Derek said to the baby, who smiled in return, "so you don't become all complicated like all the women around you…"

"Complicated," Jenna taunted, "you…the brooding king…"

"Be quiet," he said, while still smiling at the baby, "this conversation is private."

"Fraud," she teased him. "You're just not willing to admit," Meredith shrugged, "you're as nosy as all your sisters and Mark."

"Low blow Mer," Derek teased back, "just hurry up before we have another problem on our hands," and pointed to Meghan on the bed, "when she finds out she didn't get a gift."

"Hey sweetie," Meredith said, "you got a turkey from your godfather…and you'll be able to use these when you're older…probably before I see you again…and your mommy can give you one at a time…see which ones you like best…as soon as you can hold on to them," she took out a cotton stuffed rattle with the face of an elephant in green, gold and blue colors, the design made easy for the baby to hold.

"It's so cute," Jenna sighed, "Mer…where did you find them," and loved the look on her daughter's face as she smiled at the sound of the small new toy in her life. "Wait, let me get the camera," she said and was back within a couple minutes.

"Mer," Derek turned to her, "these are different than what I saw on the web page."

"I didn't like the frog or the monkey," she told him, "so I called and had them make something special…just for her," she said of the piglet and penguin's faces.

"The zoo…" Derek teased, "we'll never hear the end of it."

"Who cares," she raised her eyebrow suggestively.

"Who cares indeed," he leaned in to kiss her.

"You two…" Jenna said after snapping a picture of the moment, "are as bad as Dr. Cris," she joked, "says you are."

"She's jealous," Derek told her, "right baby…we're talking about your pain in the ass older cousin," he referred to the joke about his and Mer's grown children.

"Derek Christopher," Jenna imitated her Aunt Pat exactly, "you're going to have your ears boxed," and both siblings laughed.

"At least," he said, "it's not Ma washing mouth out with soap."

"Mer," Jenna asked, "show her the rattle again, I loved her smile when she heard it," and she did, and the baby's reactions to the elephant, pig and penguin and her smile as she held on to the turkey, were recorded and treasured for years to come.

"I think she liked the pig the best," Meredith said.

"Very fitting," Jenna smiled as she kissed her daughter's cheek and took her from Derek the second the baby's hand went to her mouth. "And perfect timing."

"I got one more," Derek said, surprising both women.

"You do…" Meredith said surprised.

"Do you have any idea how long it takes to find an organically safe cute turkey for a baby," Meredith giggled at the idea of her husband spending hours on the internet looking for a gift for their godchild; her heart filled with love for this man that loved her.

"No," she said, her hand reaching for his when he got a small item out of the same drawer, "how long?"

"Over three hours," he said, "but I found a ton of other things that looked baby friendly, turkeys are not pretty Mer," he said as he proudly displayed a small, no more than 12 x 12 inch, blanket in deep lavender speckled with a handful of green dots and gold border, with the tiny face of a smiling squishy piglet with a huge gold nose made of soft organic yarns.

"You got her a pig blanket," Jenna turned to him, and before she had a chance to continue his smile was gone when he saw his sister's tears.

"I…" Derek said, "thought you'd like it…it's handmade and no chemicals…and it's Mer's favorite color…and you say she's a little piglet…Jen…I didn't mean anything bad…it was just…I remembered you had a little blanket you took everywhere…"

"Oh…Derek…" his sister reacted immediately, and handed the baby to Meredith and hugged her brother. "I'm not crying because I don't like it…it's just…" she wiped her eyes, "it's still hormones…and you spent all that time looking for a gift for my baby…and it's thoughtful and special…and…" she hugged him again, "you and Meredith…" she shook her head, and it was a while before she spoke again, while she reached for Meredith's hand, "thank you…for loving my baby…"

Meredith met his gaze, squeezed his sister's hand, and understood that Jenna's reaction was an expression of the deep sensitivity to the vulnerability of their loss.

"Of course we love her," Derek hugged her back, "Jenna…she's our own little angel…"

"I know." Jenna wiped away the last tears, "as Brianna is hers."

"Kerry," Meredith hugged the baby close to her, kissing the top of her head, "your godfather was right…you are our very special angel," and the baby snuggled close to her, and Meredith's soul knew that they too would one day experience the joy of holding their newborn children.

"Derek," Jenna asked, "would you carry Meghan to my room, she was up way too early today, full of excitement, she'll sleep for another hour at least, and that will give me time to feed Kerry and give Katie a bath."

Derek returned to their room and walked in straight into his wife's waiting arms. "I love you," Meredith told him, "do you have any idea how much?"

"How much of my conversation with the baby did you hear?" He knew instinctively what she was referring too.

"I was awake the moment you took her from the bassinet," she kissed him softly.

"I didn't mean to wake you," he cupped her face, kissing her back, "or make Jenna cry."

"Derek," she met his gaze, "I think…maybe…no…I'm pretty sure…it has to do with motherly instincts…" she said, needing to reassure, as she knew him, and in his voice she'd heard a hint of doubt when he spoke to Kerry. "I'm taking it on faith…so should you," she kissed him softly, "you already know what to do…and our kids are going to have the best dad in the world…and Jenna cries about everything that means something t her…and you spending all that time finding the right gifts for Kerry…is special."

"Our kids," he caressed her cheek tenderly with the back of his hand, "will have the most extraordinary mom."

"I love you Derek," she kissed him softly, and walked to the door and locked it, and it was a couple of hours later when they joined their family in the kitchen; time spent lovingly and tenderly expressing the love they felt for each other; time when lovemaking began with the need to convey the depth of emotions between two people whose physical craving of each other was insatiable.

Meredith and Derek took their time, savoring each moment and each other; each word, each touch, each caress became a renewal of their love for each other. Their bodies and the tender words of love and passion reflected the love and commitment of soul mates; lovers who'd accepted fate's shattered dreams had strengthened their relationship; rediscovered their need of each other and now trusted completely that before too long they would rejoice holding a child of their own.

Teasing each other and laughing about their new found expertise at silent lovemaking, he joined their bodies and found the perfect familiar rhythm; two insatiable lovers on the brink of fulfillment and seconds before his release, both whispered I love you, followed by the sounds of mutual pleasure and ecstasy.

"Derek," Meredith whispered softly, as she lay her head on his chest, "this…this moment afterward…it was never about the sex…but this…the intimacy between us…as scared as I was of it…it was always about how you made me feel…safe and loved…and me loving you…"

"Meredith," he said almost reverently, "from that first time at the trailer…it's always been about that…about loving each other…even if we didn't know it yet," he caressed her cheek tenderly and kissed her tenderly.

"I love you," she told him, and kissed him back before wrapping her arms around him.

"I love you, Meredith," he held her close to him, and made her feel safe and loved and cherished, basking in the intimacy of their lovemaking until they were ready to join the family.

"Finally," Maggie greeted them and hugged Meredith, then Derek. "Mom ordered me not to interrupt you, that you needed sleep."

"We did," Meredith told her, "it was a long flight here," then, she whispered to Maggie, "but we didn't get any sleep," and both women laughed.

"Meredith," Maggie said, "we all bet on that…"

"Ma," Derek walked over to her, reached to taste the ham she was slicing, "can't you do something about all the betting taking place around here."

"No more," she smiled, while she slapped his hand gently, "than I can keep your hands out of the food," she paused, "or Jenna and Rob and you and Meredith spending the afternoon having…" she looked at Rob then Meredith and Derek, "candy."

The room erupted with laughter, while Maggie gulped the tea she was drinking, "candy…Ma…you're referring to sex as candy?"

"You are the guilty party," Carolyn told her, "saying s-e-x was candy…and your nieces are not about to forget it," she said as she winked at Meredith.

"What would you have said," Maggie turned to her mother, "none of us ever asked that question."

"You asked worse," Carolyn chuckled, "especially you…Dad was always amused by it."

"We did?" Maggie asked, "like what?"

"We'll talk about it later," Carolyn said as she saw three little girls walk in the room. "Girls, you walked in just in time to be Granma's helpers," she said to Rebecca, Emma and Katie and soon delegated the responsibility of setting the table.

"Mer," Maggie pulled her along, "after my email when we got home Wednesday, I haven't had a minute to call you, let's get out of here, Mom's got enough helpers, and I want to tell you …"

"Not so fast Mary Margaret," Carolyn said, "everyone's had kid duty between yesterday and today it's your turn."

"I'll take care of it," Nancy said, her sister looked happier than she had in months since she'd come back from her trip with John, and she suspected she wanted an unbiased listener to share her experience with. "Maggie, go talk to Meredith, you're the only one that hasn't had a chance to spend some time with her and Derek."

"You feeling ok," Maggie taunted, "being nice and all…"

"Don't make me change my mind," Nancy told her, but things changed quickly when John, Maggie's husband came through the door from the living room with Kerry in his arms.

"Mary Margaret," his voice boomed even before fully entering the kitchen, "have I got a treat for you," he smiled at her, and placed the baby in her arms.

"Meredith," John turned to her and kissed her cheek. "I'm not giving her up, we haven't seen her in over two weeks."

"You know," Meredith teased, Kerry turned toward her voice, "Jenna has made it very clear," she winked at Maggie, "when I'm here…I always get…"

"Hogwash," John said, to the delighted giggles of his nieces who were separating the silverware needed at the dining room table, "we've been away just as long."

"Uncle John," Katie said, "you learn real good so Granma won't wash out your mouth."

"Sure have sweetie," John lifted her, tickling her, "I only had her do that one time."

"Doctor Cris," Emma said, "had lots of times today…she has to learn to use other words, and the three little girls giggled away as John made his way back to his wife.

"Mags," John smiled, his gaze locked with his wife's, both equally captivated by the not so tiny infant, "she's amazing…she's smiling."

"You're smiling," Maggie held the baby closer, "Kerry Beatrice you can't grow up so fast…I'm gone just a little bit and you're already smiling," the baby concentrated on her aunt's face, without cracking a smile.

"Kerry," John spoke to her, letting her take hold of his finger, "show Aunt Maggie…what a smart baby you are, heck…you even recognize that your godfather is brainless," and sure enough the baby smiled; Meredith giggled, Derek's face held a mock frown, Jenna who'd walked in after checking on Meghan laughed and Maggie was momentarily stunned.

"We're not kidding," Meredith laughed, "she seems to like the sound of the word," and teased Derek a little, and he cocked his head and smiled at her, "especially when it's her Uncle Derek holding her," she moved to take the baby from Maggie.

"Not on your life," Maggie snuggled the baby, "what do you say Kerry, even your godmother is being mean to my big brother," and walked up to him, "she probably just knows it's you we're talking about and that makes her smile…knowing how special her godfather is and how much he loves you," Derek put an arm around her shoulder, kissing the top of his sister's head while whispering, "you're happy…the last two weeks way…were good for you…you're really happy."

"I am," she met his gaze, "do you want to hold her?"

"No," he smiled at Maggie, "we've had lots of time together today, haven't we sweetie…we had a long good talk today…when your nosy mommy and godmother were eavesdropping on our conversation…now you get a little time with Aunt Maggie."

"John," Meredith smiled, "how'd you manage to get a hold of her?"

"Jenna," John said, "was walking down the stairs and I took her," he had a mischievous smile, "told me it would be my only chance, since you were being Mcdreamied…"

"You've met Cristina," Derek laughed; drawing Meredith close to him.

"We have," John chuckled, "and understand you've been eating lots of candy," and the room once again erupted with laughter.

"I can't wait," Meredith said, "when you and Maggie have to explain why you're eating too much candy," and just for a second saw a flash of sadness in her sister in law's eyes, but didn't have much chance to dwell on it as Aunt Pat had walked in the kitchen door.

"What is this," Pat looked around, "we're less than an hour from dinner and instead of helping you're all making fun of my favorite niece and nephew?"

"Thanks Aunt Pat," Maggie smiled at her, "I know I'm never going to live that down."

"You're happy," Patricia hugged her niece, "the trip was good for you."

"It was," Maggie admitted, "so good for us…"

"I know," her aunt said, and kissed the top of Kerry's head, and met her older niece's gaze, "honey…you'll have this…another little one…just have faith."

"Aunt Pat…" Maggie said quietly, "I don't want to get my hopes up…"

"Have faith," Pat hugged her, "small as a mustard seed."

"I do," Maggie replied.

"Yes…you do…" Pat smiled tenderly at her. "Carolyn, you're becoming a softie, why haven't all these grown children been put to work?"

"I was waiting for you to get here and start giving orders," Carolyn replied, "that way you're not missing your usual daily…"

"Oh please," Pat walked over to her sister, "with all that navy nurse training, you're a hell of a lot bossier than I've ever been."

"Granma," Katie's voice was heard above the adult's chatter, "you gots to go get tons and tons of Palmolive, cause Aunt Pat's a nun so you need more soap…cause it's a sin…"

"Oh God," Jenna mumbled, "here we go with the sins…"

"Thank your lucky stars it's a venial one," John told her, "and it's not s-e-x."

"Mommy," Katie turned to her, "Aunty Maggie said s-e-x was candy…but having candy is not a sin…right Aunty Pat?"

"Ma," Jenna said, "would you like to answer her questions?"

"No dear," Carolyn said, "we'll let Sister Pat do that."

"Katie," Pat said, "having candy is not a sin…your uncle John is being silly."

"Thank goodness," the six year old said, "cause Uncle D and Aunt Merdith like to have lots of s-e-x ," and all the adults did their best to keep from laughing at Katie's observation.

"Maggie," Derek said, as he walked up to her, "you're never going to live that down…and we're gonna remind you…"

"All right," Pat said, "enough with picking on Mary Margaret, she'll have her hands full soon enough and you won't need to remind her…"

"Aunt Pat," Maggie sighed.

"Ok, enough dilly dallying," Pat said and walked up to Maggie. "Get to work, you have kid duty," and then shocked one of the newest members of this extended family, when her tone and words changed completely. "Kerry…my little lamb," she cooed softly, and took the baby from Maggie, "you and I are going to spend a little time together…with your Granma…because there are enough people here that can wrap up all that we need for dinner…isn't that right, yes, it is, and look at that smile…and we didn't even have to say brainless for you to smile…"

"Pat, I can't leave the kitchen," Carolyn said, "there's still…"

"Nancy and Kathleen are going to be here in a few minutes and they can take over…"

"Patricia," Carolyn warned.

"Ailene," Patricia said, "they can handle it…we're old…we deserve a break," and walked up to her sister and put the baby in her arms, "how can you resist her?"

"Mom," Maggie said, "go on…we'll take care of the rest, Aunt Pat's right…you've been at this since yesterday… take some time," she walked to her mother and hugged her, "enjoy her…she's precious…and they grow up so fast."

"Mom," Meredith said, "even I'll help…" she joked, "now that there's no cooking to be done, and Derek's a great helper, he can keep me out of trouble."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "don't worry, I'll keep Meredith away from the stove and oven…I'm starving and can't take any risks."

"Bitch," Meredith mouthed at her.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "does it count if you mouth one of those words…Mer needs her mouth washed out with soap."

"No dear," Carolyn smiled, "only if I see it."

"Playing favorites," Mark drawled and whispered something to Lexie.

"Maggie…I'm not sure you can handle it all," Carolyn protested weakly, her granddaughter's gurgles a much stronger incentive, "the sweet potatoes need to be put in the oven in fifteen minutes and then…"

"Mom," Jenna said, "we've been doing this a lot of years, leave the kitchen to us." Jenna kissed the baby, who reacted immediately with a smile, "you're gonna go talk to Granma…and the old trouble making nun," and the baby cooed back delightedly.

"Disrespectful chit," Pat pulled on her ear playfully, "imagine if you weren't my namesake. Let's go Carolyn time for us to enjoy this little one," and she pulled her sister along and walked up to her bedroom for a little peace and quiet.

"Carolyn," Pat said, as they both sat on the edge of the bed, "how are you holding up?"

"Thank you," Carolyn said and reached for her sister's hand, "for understanding."

"They'd have loved being here," Patricia said, both sisters misty eyed, "seeing their children, the grandchildren…but we're lucky…that when we had them…Carolyn…they loved us and we loved them…and no one could ever replace them…"

"How did you know…I needed a little time…away…"

"You were very quiet, unusually so…and we're too much alike for me not to understand…what a day like today means to you and tomorrow, and that you'd want to keep any hint of sadness from the kids."

"I love you Pat."

"I love you too Carolyn," both sisters smiled at the infant that was making her discontent known at being ignored.

"Kerry," Pat said, "you're not happy being left out are you…my nosy lamb…but you know what," the baby responded in her own language, "I'm going to let you in on a little secret…and we won't have to worry about you repeating it like your little sister…or the rest of your cousins…and blurting out that you want s-e-x…"

Carolyn laughed, "I don't understand what in the world made Maggie say that."

"Well…Meggie is unlikely to forget it…and she'll have her own explaining to do pretty soon…mark my words."

"Pat," Carolyn said, "she's so happy…I've only seen her twice since they got back, but there's a look about her…I even wondered if she's pregnant…"

"She's not," Pat said, "but she is happy…and she's gained some trust back…faith Carolyn…goes a long way…"

"I just want her happy, no more shadows."

"Kerry," Pat spoke to the baby, her little hand grasping her great aunt's finger, "by this time next year…you're going to have three cousins on the way…"

"Patricia…three…"

"Maggie and Meredith," she smiled at her sister, "three healthy new babies for you to love."

"Maggie and Meredith," Carolyn's eyes watered, "I worry about them…both."

"They will be fine…and you know I never say anything about these things unless I'm absolutely certain…"

"Three babies…" Carolyn smiled.

"Actually," Pat said, "I'm fairly certain I'll have a couple grandbabies as well."

"Pat," Carolyn said, "they'd be so happy…my Irish…and your Sean…"

"Our romantic, lusty and insatiable Irishmen…who loved us," Pat said.

"Yes," Carolyn smiled, "and the memories they gave us…that have lasted a lifetime."

"Kerry," Pat said, "sweetie…you'll have lots of little ones to boss around…" the baby smiled as though in perfect understanding, and continued her conversation to the delight of her grandmother and great-aunt, until both decided it really was time to check on the preparations for the very special Thanksgiving meal.

Everything was set perfectly for dinner; the dining room table for the adults, now fourteen, including the two oldest grandchildren and another table for the twelve youngest grandchildren; Kerry was content as her grandmother put her down in her bassinet, attentive to the various noises around her, this night staying up throughout dinner but not for long in her bassinet as she was passed from one relative to the other and loved the attention she was getting.

All the children were seated at the table when Carolyn walked over the kids table and spoke to her grandchildren, "tonight as you know is very special… we are celebrating Thanksgiving one day late…but it means ever so much that we can all be together, because being together with family is the most important thing in the world…it is what I'm most grateful for…that my family is here and happy and healthy…"

"Mom," Kathleen walked to up to her mother and hugged her, "do we keep with tradition, before we bring the meal out?"

"I think," Carolyn said, "tonight we should let everyone who wants to share what they're grateful for…have their say…" and the adults gathered by the children's table.

"Granma," Meghan asked, "does we have to go in order…do you and Aunty Pat goes first cause of you're the oldest?"

"How about if you go first…" Carolyn told her, "since you're the littlest one?"

"No Granma, I not the littlest one…Kerry is…but I can go first cause of she can't talk."

"That's right," Carolyn smiled at the granddaughter, "you can talk for Kerry too."

"Granma," Meghan said, "I thank baby Jesus cause it's almost his birthday…that I got a new baby sister…and Aunty M gots to visit and I gots to remember Uncle D cause I not remember him too much …but I love him and Aunty M lots and lots…and they be Kerry's godparents…see Granma, I gots that right now…and Kerry loves them lots and lots…and I love Mommy and Daddy…and Katie and Granma and Aunty Pat and Aunty Kat and…"

Jenna interrupted, "you want to say that you love all your aunts and uncles…"

"Yes Mommy, and all my cousins…"

"That's very good sweetie," Jenna told her and hugged her.

"Mommy," Katie asked, "I go next?"

"Yes, baby," she hugged her daughter.

"I thankful…for my baby sister Kerry and my little sister Meggie…and Mommy and Daddy…and Granma and all my aunts and uncles and my cousins…and Jake…Daddy, can we get a dog like Jake?"

The rest of the children continued not all having something to say, the boys in particular a bit shy unlike the girls.

"I'm grateful to be home," Laura said, "Mom and Dad… thank you for teaching us that family is the most important thing …that we're always there for each other…no matter what…I've missed you all terribly but being with you here now…is what I'm most grateful for."

"Granma," Allie was the last of the grandchildren to speak, "I am thankful for you…for showing us day after day what it means to be a family…I love you…Mom, Dad…thank you for the love you give us every day…and for this very special Thanksgiving with Uncle Derek and Meredith here…all my aunts and uncles together and happy."

"Allie," Meghan said, "how come you gets to call Aunty M just Mewerdith?"

"Meggie," Katie answered, "that's cause when people gets old and go away to college and they can do that but we gots to be respectful."

Each of the adults would have something to share, all equally sentimental.

"I'm grateful," Mark said, "and honored to be invited to share this day with you."

"I'm thankful for second chances," John said, reaching out for Maggie's hand, "and for being blessed with two wonderful children and beautiful wife in all ways that count and all of you as my family."

"I'm blessed with my two amazing sons and my husband and each and every one of you, each of you know the reasons why," Maggie held on to John's hand, "and for our two brand new family members…Meredith and Kerry."

"I'm thankful for Mom…for keeping daddy alive…every single day," Jenna had walked over to Carolyn and hugged her, instinctively wanting to acknowledge her father's presence on this day, "for my wonderful husband and our girls…for our healthy newborn…for each of you here today…as you are what family is all about."

"For a year filled with Blessings…a new niece, a new sister…we all give thanks for being here together today," Kathleen said, "for little baby angels that touch our lives…in the most unexpected healing ways," she met Meredith's gaze.

"Thank you Carolyn for welcoming me to your family," Lexie said, "I'm grateful to have found my sister…and for spending this day with her." Meredith watched as her sister's eyes filled with tears and understood the tears were bittersweet; this first year without her mother.

"I have to say I'm forever grateful for the most beautiful Mchottie in the world," Mike hugged Nancy, "and our children."

"Honey," Nancy tried to stay away from sentimentality, "you make me feel that way…after all these years…only you can do that…and I'm thankful for our healthy beautiful children and our family."

"Mama Shep," Cristina joined in, "I'm not good at this but…I'm honored to be invited to Shepherdsville…with all its awesome little people…it's The Waltons…100 times better."

"Mommy," Emma asked, "what's The Walton's?"

"Will let Cristina explain to all of you later," Kathleen smiled.

"Welcome to the family Meredith…and Kerry Beatrice," her father picked her up from the bassinet, "baby you fill our lives with joy…just as your sisters do…as your mother fills mine."

"Thank you Lord," Kevin spoke, "for the abundance of blessings in my life; Kathleen and our children…every single member of our families…for they enrich our lives abundantly."

Derek pulled on Meredith's hand and stood next to his mother, hugging her, "Ma, this day…this very special day when you've gathered us here to give thanks, there are few words to express what you mean to each of us…how grateful we are for showing us what it meant to find the love of one's life…and I have found mine and for that I shall be ever grateful…that God," Carolyn's eyes watered, "yes…I do remember…that He blessed me with Meredith," he whispered to his wife only, "and Brianna, our own little angel."

"I'm grateful," Meredith said deeply moved by everyone's words, "for each of you…for the first time in my life…having a family to gather with and give thanks…and for my husband…the love of my life…who made me believe that dreams do come true…and fairytales exists…and for Lexie believing we could be sisters," the sister's met each other's gaze and smiled, "and for all six sisters here tonight," and in that moment Derek's sisters became her own, past resentments completely forgotten.

Derek turned to Rob, who was on Carolyn's other side and took the baby from him, and lay her in Meredith's arms, "and…we are all grateful for this beautiful healthy child whose name says it all; Kerry Beatrice, a beautiful dark haired child that has brought such joy to our lives…our very own little angel."

"Derek," Jenna said, "you can never make fun of me again…sentimental tears or not."

"Only two more to go," one of Maggie's sons joked to his brother.

"Boys," John said, "careful."

"They're right," Carolyn laughed, "but they should be used to it by now. Let's bring the food out and Pat can do the official blessing of our meal," and everyone helped and within minutes all the food that had been kept warming in the kitchen graced the beautifully decorated Thanksgiving table, and Pat stood at one end of the table.

"Bless us, O Lord, and these your gifts, which we are about to receive from your bounty, through Christ our Lord," Pat said, to a chorus of Amen.

"Thank God," Logan, Kathleen's thirteen year old said, followed by his cousin's Michael's snicker, earning them both a light smack on the back of their heads.

"Mom," Michael protested to Nancy, "we're hungry."

"You'll have to wait a little longer now," Patricia said, "I'm not done."

"Katie," Meghan whispered to her sister, "it's taking a really long time…"

"It's always that way Meggie," her sister whispered back, "you just was too little to remember last year…but we gots to be quiet like in church."

"We thank you dear Lord, for this year's very obvious blessings…sisters...starting with the oldest," she smiled at her sister, "Carolyn you have been my strength for years…I love you my dear sister…and now your girls have a new sister…and Jenna's girls have a brand new sister to love for a lifetime…"

"Irish," Carolyn said softly, and none of the adults remained unmoved, sentimental tears evident in everyone's eyes. "I know you're with us tonight, and that you are proud…so very proud of each of our children…and their families…and you'd love our two newest additions…Meredith, a lovely new daughter and sister to our girls and Kerry Beatrice, a tiny precious granddaughter… and thank you," she placed an arm around Meredith, "for reminding me that baby angels look after us," she whispered to Meredith, "for a precious angel named Brianna," and then she continued, "and we are all grateful for all those with whom we've shared our lives…and are not here with us today, but they are always remembered and live in our hearts forever."


	222. Chapter 222

_A/N – 1/16/11- Dear readers, it amazes me a bit that almost three years after I started this story, as a result of deep disappointment in Grey's Storyline, there are some of you still interested in it and I'm especially grateful to each of you that continues to leave me comments, you have no idea how very much they mean to me and how they inspire to try to do the best I can not to disappoint you._

_Have to admit, the latest Grey's episode has left me very discouraged in regard to ever seeing MD biological baby, and it's been very difficult to try to write, thus I chose to concentrate and continue along the route of family ties…the ever binding force that helps us through so much of what life unexpectedly throws our way. Apologies if I disappoint any of you, I'm trying to move this forward to the next chapters…Christmas, New Year's…their first anniversary…and eventually…yes, their first child; you have my commitment that before this long story ends, you will see their once Shattered Dreams…become…Dreams Fulfilled._

_As you read this chapter, which I hope won't bore you too much, remember, this one is about families; often extended families and their relationships. Christmas Day, there were eight first cousins at my home and after most of the fifty plus family/friends were gone, we spent over 3 hours till after two in the morning sharing secrets, joking and laughing and having an amazing night that made us all even closer than we already are. No, none of the revelations on SD were taken from that night. Though, suddenly as I began to wrap up the chapters, in the last four paragraphs, there are definitely reflections of a recent personal experience, and were written in memory of my dad and grandmother, especially during this still recent Christmas Holiday period._

_I've taken liberty to change some of the ages of the grandchildren (made Allie & Laura a bit younger) for the sake of future story and eventually will go back and change in the past chapters written. I'm editing now and expect to post chapter by morning._

_Heartfelt thanks to each of you that commented on last chapter, I will get around to sending you a message (eventually; Maureen I have no link to respond to you, but your reviews continue to inspire me and help not give up on this story. Warmest regards, to all of you, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 7**_

_**Our first…Thanksgiving Night with Family**_

Meredith and Derek's first Thanksgiving Celebration as a married couple would long be remembered by all present; each having their own special memory to share in the years to come; years of celebrations that further embraced familial ties that bind.

Years of cooking experience, and six bossy women, meant cleanup of the first courses of the Thanksgiving meal was quickly handled, and the main table was cleared for the desserts to be enjoyed. First, though, it was time for wrapping and storing left overs and kitchen duty cleanup that involved the entire family, as each of the children, even the small ones brought their plates to the kitchen, and supervised by the three older granddaughters, cleaned off their plates and handed them over for rinsing before being placed in the dishwasher. The men were given the task of getting the last course of the meal on the tables as well as entertaining the younger children.

"Mer," Cristina quipped, "it's like a freaking assembly line in Shepherdsville."

"Hey," Meredith smiled, "don't knock it…you're not being asked to do anything," she said prematurely.

"Cristina," Pat called out, "Lexie, I can use your help here," and she began giving instructions, allowing Meredith a chance to speak with Kathleen.

"Kat," Meredith walked up to her sister in law, "can I talk to you for a second?"

"Of course," Kathleen put an arm around her, "any time…I'm always here for you."

"I want to ask you something," Meredith bit her lower lip, "I mean…your opinion and I want you to be honest…I don't want you to feel that you have to agree with me…but I need to know what you think and then if it's ok…I'll ask your Mom…and Jenna…"

"Meredith," Kathleen shook her head with a smile, "the kids, and that includes the men, are going to get really impatient if we delay their dessert time."

"I've noticed," Meredith spoke softly, quietly, as the two stood in the corner of the kitchen. "all day, when we speak of Thanksgiving and family…Lexie's been sad…and I know it has to do with this being the first year Susan is gone…and I was wondering, though maybe I'm taking liberties I shouldn't…and you have to tell me…Kat…if I'm overstepping…but…there's so many people coming to the baptism tomorrow…and I wondered…maybe…it could be ok…if one more person came… maybe it's two…and I could ask…or Lexie could ask Molly, that's her sister…the younger one…if she could join us…not at church…but later…"

"Mom," Kathleen reacted immediately, "Jenna…can you join us…"

"Kathleen…" Meredith was incredulous, "I don't want to put them on the spot…"

"You'll get your answer straight from the horses' mouth," Kathleen told her.

"Are you calling me a horse," Jenna put her hands on her hips, "really Kathleen, that's hardly sensitive when I've just spent the better half of a year fighting not to have an ass as wide as a cow or a horse…"

"Oh stop the whining," Kathleen laughed, "it won't work on me…and you did nothing to keep your weight down…which you never need to do anyway."

"Well, you just said," Jenna winked at her, "that Ma and I were horses…"

"Do you have bionic ears?" Kathleen teased her.

"Apparently it runs in the family," Jenna giggled, "since Derek's Mr. Incredible with two million dollar hands…which, I guess now that Rob and I are…"

"Back in the saddle," Kathleen laughed, having heard the taunting that took place earlier between the West coast kids and her sisters and husbands.

"Mom," Meredith protested, "tell them to stop making fun of my husband," and ruined it by giggling.

"Sweetheart," Carolyn said, "I have no control. You're going to have to do something about your kids and keep better track of them and what they say, apparently they joined Nancy and Mike and teased Rob and Jenna mercilessly while you and Derek… shall we say…napped?"

"Carolyn," Patricia yelled from the other side of the kitchen, "this is no time for socializing. Your grandchildren are complaining of no desserts, that it's taking too long this year to get their sweets."

"Be right there," Carolyn said. "Kathleen, what's going on?"

"For the sake of time," Kathleen smiled, "I'll summarize Meredith's ramble."

"Meredith Grey," Carolyn said in a serious tone after Kathleen brought them up to date, "have you learned nothing in the last few months…you don't even have to ask if you can invite you sister. Sweetheart, you're family. This is your home and you and all my daughters can ask whomever you want to any family celebration, specially your younger sister."

"She's… well, I don't really know her that well…but…I asked Kathleen…and I didn't want to impose…or put either of you on the spot…it's Kerry's baptism…and…"

"Mer," Jenna hugged her, "Kerry's your godchild and this is your home too…Mom means that, and I'm sure everyone one of us feels the same way. She's welcome to join us in any of our homes, tomorrow is a family celebration…she's your family…"

"It's for Lexie…really," Meredith said, "it would mean a lot to her… it's the first year Susan is gone…and…she's been sad, all day today."

"They are your sisters," Carolyn hugged her, "and this is your home…you can invite anyone you want…anytime…all the time."

"Thank you…" Meredith hugged her mother in law, and was a bit sentimental as she wiped away a tear, "all of you…for …just…for…"

"Do not get me started," Jenna's eyes filled with tears, "I've had enough of being teased today…let's go eat dessert, especially Aunt Pat's pecan pie…"

While the main courses had been enjoyed with adults and kids at two different tables, when it came time for dessert each family grouping sat with their children.

"Aunty M," Meghan called out to her, "you gots to sit with us…cause of you're Kerry's godmother."

"Meghan sweetie," her grandmother said, "how about if Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith sit with me now, since he's my little boy?"

"Granma," Meghan shook her head, "he not your little boy…cause of he's old like Daddy and Uncle D has hairs that are gray like Aunty Kat and that mean they not little, she's got to go and pay lots and lots of money to make it really dawk again…it's a pretty penny she tolds Mommy to keep all the gray hairs away…every two weeks."

"He's still my little boy…and your mommy and aunts are my little girls," Carolyn insisted to deaf ears.

"Granma," Meghan open her eyes wide, "even Aunty Kat…cause she don't want to have all gray hair like you…"

"Oh God," Kevin chuckled, "done in by a three year old…"

"Oh shut up," Kathleen buried her face in her husband's neck and laughed.

"Aunty Kat's been saying she doesn't want to look like me," Carolyn joked, "has she?"

"Oh no Granma," Emma, Kathleen's youngest defended her mother, "she's gonna leave her hair just like yours…when she's got grandchildren, cause she hopes they're gonna love her just like we all love you…"

"Our born diplomat," Kathleen smiled at her husband who looked at her adoringly and kissed her lips, "working her magic."

"Tell you what Meggie," Carolyn said, "your Aunt Meredith will have dessert with us first and then she'll sit with you and your sisters."

"You sit with us too Granma," Katie said, "cause Mommy and Aunty Kat are your kids too," she reminded her grandmother.

"That's right baby," Carolyn said, "our second serving of dessert I'll come sit with you."

"Ok Granma," Katie said, "that's fair…no playing favorites…"

"Granma," Meghan said with as she finished chewing. "Aunty M gots to bring her sister…Dr. Lexie cause she be the older sister…like Katie…"

"Plus," Amanda, Nancy's ten year-old commented, "Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith have to include all their three children," and laughed.

"Amanda," Katie told her cousin, "you're so silly. Aunty M and Uncle D don't have kids."

"They do," Amanda told her cousins, "don't you remember Granma said…Doctor Mark and Cristina and Lexie are their children."

"Granma was just teasing," Katie, the six year old, rolled her eyes, "right Granma?"

"That's right honey," Carolyn smiled indulgently, "we were just kidding and Amanda knows that," she smiled at the granddaughter sitting across from her, and the banter between Carolyn's children and grandchildren and her three guests from Seattle continued throughout the course of the hour.

"Mom," Pat heard a familiar voice and smiled right before two identical petite women, who looked a lot like Jenna walked in Carolyn's dining room, "you've neglected us long enough…and," the first of the two women said, "we came for Aunt Carolyn's pumpkin pie and Kat's chocolate soufflé."

"They're lying," Jenna laughed at her cousins, "through their teeth."

"Oh be quiet," Grace told Jenna and laughed. "You know why we're here."

Kathleen laughed as well, "Nora is here for my soufflé," and smiled as she caught the exchange of smiles between her mother and aunt. "I've not doubts about that," she served her cousin a plate, "but Gracie is just here because she's nosy and a gossip."

"See," Nora went to sit by Kathleen, "why you've always been my favorite cousin."

"Mer," Derek leaned over and whispered, "they're Aunt Pat's youngest…"

"I know," Meredith giggled, "I did go to her house on our last trip, remember? Saw all her framed photos."

"Don't whisper Derek," Grace told him, "you promised Nora this morning we'd get to meet your wife before the baptism, but since you disappeared all afternoon, we had to come crash Thanksgiving dinner."

"Meredith," Derek laughed, "as you can well guess…Gracie and Nora are Aunt Pat's youngest identical twins and are by far the nosiest of all the cousins."

"We are not," Nora, the one that walked in first commented, "we've all learned it's you and Mark that are the nosiest of all," and smiled as her cousin got up and hugged her.

"I knew," Derek said, "I'd be seeing you sooner or later."

"Kathleen," Nora, the younger of the two savored the soufflé, "you've outdone yourself with this one…it's the absolute best…" she moaned.

"Mommy," Meghan said, "Cousin Nora sounds like you when you was always eating chocolate cause of my baby sister…in your tummy," and her cousin choked on what she was eating.

"Cousin Nora," Meghan was very concerned, "you needs water," and handed her the small glass that was hers.

"Thank you Meggie," Nora smiled at the three year old, "you saved me from choking."

"Cause I love you," Meggie smiled as she climbed on her cousin's lap.

"I love you too sweetie," Nora said and smiled at her.

"You love my baby sister too?" Meghan asked her, "cause of you spend lots of time when we was at Nana Alice's house eating turkey…do you member that?"

"I love Kerry and you very much," Nora smiled as she hugged the little girl to her.

"Pat," Carolyn said, "girls didn't wait till next year."

"I think," Pat looked at her youngest daughter, "you're absolutely right."

"It's going to be busy year for Maloney women," Kathleen commented, "wouldn't you agree Aunt Pat?"

"I would dear," Pat smiled at her sister's first daughter "just like you know I would."

"Nora," Kathleen smiled as her cousin gobbled a second helping of the chocolate soufflé, "would you like to take the rest of it home?"

"Oh my God," the young woman answered, "yes…and Jonathan will love you…he says I've been impossible the last few weeks…"

"I had the feeling that was the case," Jenna said and laughed as she smiled at Kathleen, "better her than us…for now…"

"Not for long," Kathleen and Jenna smiled at each other and looked over at Maggie who has holding Kerry.

"Kat," Jenna leaned over to her sister, "we need to help her…I know she's scared."

"We will," Kathleen placed her hand over her baby sister's.

"Mary Margaret," Carolyn said as she followed Kathleen's conversation, "put that baby down…she's been held all day long and is not going to let me sleep at all tonight."

"I thought Meredith and Derek are babysitting," Maggie ignored her, cuddling Kerry.

"Yes, but I'm also going to be kept awake if she doesn't sleep," Carolyn said. "Put her down…she's perfectly fine in the portable crib."

"Mom," Maggie told her, "you're getting mean in your old age."

"Oh oh…" Katie said, "Aunty Maggie, you gots to be respectful to Granma."

"That's right baby," Carolyn walked over to the smaller table and placed Katie on her lap, "your Mom is very lucky you're a very smart girl and always pays attention to her."

"Granma," Emma who was sitting next to her said, "I think Aunty Maggie wants to take Kerry home with her…see…she loves her a lot."

"I'm sure she does," Carolyn smiled at Emma's intuition, "but, your Aunt Meredith is going to take care of her here and your old Granma has to get some sleep tonight."

"Granma," Emma smiled at her grandmother, "you're not old…you're less than seventy."

"That's right," Carolyn chuckled, "it's Aunt Mary that's old…" she spoke of her older sister, who'd be joining them the following day.

"Mom," Nancy laughed, "you're setting us up for tomorrow aren't you?"

"What's a little family get together without a little drama," Carolyn shrugged.

"Grey," Mark blurted out, "if you think the nun's a troublemaker, wait till you meet the meddling one. She should have been the nun… don't even know how she had kids; she's not too fond of …s-e-x…and…"

"She's not that bad," Patricia laughed; she was going to get a kick out of Mary meeting Derek's wife and Seattle family.

"Oh God…" Meredith turned to Derek, "she's the real Aunt Margaret, isn't she?"

"Meredith, don't pay attention to them," Nora spoke and joined her and Derek. "Mom really is just a troublemaker and so is Aunt Carolyn…but, please, before tomorrow, you've got to tell us all about how you met the fake red headed wicked witch," her eyes sparkled, "so we can have one up on Aunt Mary."

"Not to mention," Gracie, the newest of the Maloney women to join in the gossip said, "we heard from Mark and Cristina all about Mr. Incredible and those two million dollar hands," she winked at Derek, "I need to make sure my husband gets some pointers."

"Gracie," Maggie laughed, "if he gets any more pointers, you'll have your own baseball team…remember you seem to procreate in multiples."

"At least," Gracie shrugged, "I saved myself two pregnancies," then laughed, "it was easier to get six kids with four pregnancies," she referred to her two sets of twins, "while you and Nance did it one at a time," and the newly introduced family members joined in the laughter and joking that was so much a part of the Maloney and Shepherd family.

The grandchildren, after dessert had been enjoyed, had made their way to the basement; the men had joined in to watch the end of a football game, as the women eliminated all traces of the dinner enjoyed. Kerry looked after by her older cousins, safely in the portable crib as instructed by their grandmother.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie delivered a message, "Uncle Derek says he needs you in the basement…right now," her eyes twinkled.

Meredith crouched to be at eye level, "he needs me in the basement right now?"

"Yep," the little girl answered, "cause Doctor Mark was really loud and woke up Kerry, and he don't want Granma to be mad in the middle of the night."

"He said," Rebecca was right behind her cousin, "you need to take care of your overgrown loudmouth," and both girls giggled.

"Tell Doctor Mark," Meredith said to the two girls, "I said he better behave, and tell your Uncle Derek I said he's in charge of the children," and both little girls giggled their way out of the kitchen and headed to the basement.

"Aunt Mary is going to love you," Nora told Meredith. "Mom, you coming to sleep at our house anytime soon? Your grandchildren are feeling very neglected and there are rumblings of mutiny because you're playing favorites."

Pat walked over and hugged her daughter, placing her hand on her abdomen. "Wonder who's been leading the mutiny? When were you going to tell me?"

"After the baptism," Pat's daughter smiled at her mother, "not to take away from that. Mom, it's all Jenna's and Kerry's day tomorrow."

"Jenna would be just as happy sharing your blessing with hers," Pat commented.

"But, Mom, you know I'm not the only one that's going to be adding little Maloney descendants," Nora smiled.

"I know," Pat confirmed.

"Aunt Carolyn's going to be happy," Pat's youngest child said.

"I'm happy…my baby's having another little one," Pat hugged her daughter again.

"Mom," this one," she placed her hand protectively over her abdomen, "is going to be named for Dad…"

"That will make him very happy…" Patricia said as mother and daughter shared an emotional and sentimental moment, as they were joined by Carolyn.

"You're taking care of my grandnephew and of yourself?" Carolyn walked up behind them, "you surprised us Nora, thought it would be next year."

"Well," Carolyn's niece smiled at her, "Mom's sure there's six more grandkids for you, and we thought we'd get an early start, so she can enjoy this one before she starts playing favorites with yours again…"

"You're my favorite," Carolyn hugged her, "does that count? That I'll be there for your next little one? To spoil him like I've done all of you?"

"Him," Nora and Pat said simultaneously.

"Him," Carolyn smiled, "I get that feeling…but you haven't answered your mother's question, are you taking care of yourself?"

"Jonathan is," Nora said of her husband of seven years. "He's worse than Rob" she referred to Jenna's husband, "I think they talk and swear each other to secrecy," she laughed, delighted of the close relationship enjoyed by her family and happy Meredith fit right in as one more of the Maloney women.

"Lexie," Meredith had walked over to her sister, "I want to talk to you."

"Mer," Lexie said hesitantly, "is something wrong?"

"No," she smiled at her sister, "grab your jacket…we can have some privacy outside."

"There you are," Derek said almost immediately after they walked out the door and found Meredith and Lexie sitting outside on the porch swing, "you left me alone with unruly children."

"You mean Mark and Cristina?" Meredith teased.

"They're behaving very badly," Derek told her, leaning just so to make her want him.

"Well…it's up to you to take care of that…" Meredith joked, "you keep telling me you have all this experience with kids and it turns out you're as bad as they are…wanting attention when I'm with one of our other kids," she smiled at Lexie.

"Oh…I'm interrupting," Derek said, "I can leave…"

"Stay," Meredith said, extending her hand to him.

"Mer…" Lexie asked again, "you're sure there's nothing wrong, did I upset you?"

"No," Meredith placed her hand over her sister's as Derek watched, sitting across from them. "But, I've noticed you've been sad…all day…and wanted to ask you…"

"I'm ok," Lexie said, eyes watering, though she did not want to burden her sister with sadness when she had witnessed her happiness among Derek's family. "Really…"

"You're not," Meredith squeezed her hand, "it's your first Thanksgiving without Susan."

Derek watched his wife, his love for her etched on his face, this woman that believed she didn't do families and was becoming an extraordinary expert at it.

"I'm not sure how you'll feel about this…but…I thought," Meredith rambled, "and Derek doesn't know…but I asked Carolyn…and Jenna if it was ok…I mean…if you want…for Molly to join us tomorrow…she's your sister and you haven't seen her…and…"

"Mark," Lexie said and wiped away a few tears, "he offered to go with me…to see her…before we left."

"Mark," Meredith said, "did that…when?"

"He noticed," Lexie told her, "I was upset…about Mom…like you did…"

"If," Meredith told her, "it's ok with you…she can join us…here…with our family."

"Mer," Lexie asked, "you're really ok with that… she's our sister…"

"I'm ok with that," Meredith smiled at her sister, the one she never wanted to get to know, and now had accepted into her life and heart. "It's a good time to see her and Laura. Why don't you call her, before it gets too late tonight."

Lexie laid her head on her sister's shoulder, "I love you Meredith."

"I love you too," Meredith stated simply, and felt her sister's hug and smiled before Lexie walked away leaving Derek sitting across from her.

"Family weekend," Derek said simply and got up to join her.

"Do you mind?" Meredith asked, "I hadn't told you…it just happened."

"I don't mind," he drew her close to him, kissing the top of her head, breathing her in, and then kissing her temple. "I'm proud of you and I love you."

"I love you too," she said, and lay her head on his shoulder, reaching for his hand, and they remained quietly in each other's embrace.

"Uncle Derek…Aunt Merdith," Katie ran outside, "you gots to come…that's what Granma said…cause Doctor Mark is being silly."

"God help us," Derek laughed, "these kids don't miss a thing," and pulled her along with him towards the living room where most of the adults were now gathered.

"Derek," Carolyn attempted not to smile, "Mark and Cristina are creating trouble…"

"Mamma Shep," Cristina drawled, "me thinks you're the Shepherdsville troublemaker."

"Stop being disrespectful to your grandmother," Derek quipped, making Cristina choke on her drink, she did not find him to have a sense of humor.

"Dad," Cristina said with a dead pan expression, "it was Mark that was talking about your s-e-x life…not me…"

"Oh God," Meredith who was now sitting next to Derek on the oversized chair buried her face in his neck.

"Aunty M," Meghan, one of several children hanging around the adjoining room who apparently had the same bionic ears as her mother, came running in, "that's cause of why you locked your door cause you was having s-e-x and you didn't want us to know when your door was closed…cause I knocked and knocked…like this morning…so you was having candy again like when we went to Aunt Pat's in the morning…"

Meredith's expression was priceless, a pained looked as she looked at Jenna, she knew they should have opened the door when they heard the knock, and now Jenna was also finding out about the morning.

"Meredith," Gracie said, "do tell us all about having s-e-x all afternoon…though you know, that much candy is not good for your teeth," and the room erupted with laughter.

"You are the nosiest bunch of people," Derek said, "I've ever been around in my life."

"You love us," Nancy said, "admit it…you've missed us."

"That I have…" Derek said, and nodded slightly, "I've missed you all."

"By the way Meredith," Patricia joined in, "who you really want to watch your step with tomorrow are those on the Shepherd side of the family, bunch of…"

"Patricia," Carolyn warned, "little pitchers."

"Oh, no…" Rebecca who was paying close attention to the conversation between the adults, "here we go, grown up talk…let's go," she rallied the cousins, "we're going back downstairs …" and indeed joined the rest of the cousins, including the older ones who were making the most of spending time with the younger Shepherd children.

"Aunty M," Meghan insisted, "are we going to gets the candy now…cause Doctor Mark tolds us you brought us candy…"

"It's late tonight sweetie," Meredith told her, "and we've had lots of sweets, but you can all have the candy we brought with us tomorrow ok?"

"Ok," the little girl agreed and hugged her. "I goes to basement with my cousins."

"Meredith," Jenna said to her, "not only do you encourage my child to contradict my orders…that she can call you anytime, but now…you're corrupting her at the age of three," she tried to keep from laughing at the look on Meredith's face, "and bribing her with candy."

"Jenna," Meredith said, "I didn't…haven't contradicted you…I'd never do that," she became a bit withdrawn, "I'm sorry…it's never been my intention…"

"She's joking Mer," Derek bit her ear playfully.

"That wasn't very nice Jenna," Meredith argued, reassured by Derek's words, "making me believe I did something wrong…when I'm still trying to get this family thing…"

"Oh, sweetheart," Carolyn told her, "you've got the family thing just right…"

"Except," Jenna teased again, "teaching my nosy three year old about sex…"

"I did not," Meredith defended, though tried not to giggle, "it's all…Maggie's fault," she said, "whoever heard of saying sex was candy?"

"You didn't come up with a better response…" Maggie said and continued teasingly, as she placed a kiss on her husband's lips, "besides…isn't it, lots …better than candy…"

"Oh you slutty…aunty…" Kathleen said and the room was again filled with laughter.

"I think" Meredith laughed along with them, "that title was reserved for me…"

"Meredith," Derek said, concerned over what he interpreted as a potential and sudden regression in the relationship with Nancy, "I'm sure that's not at all what she meant…"

Meredith giggled, "lighten up Shepherd…we're way beyond that…aren't we Nancy?"

"My brother," Nancy leaned back into her husband, "is best known for brooding."

"And," Cristina smirked, "I worried you'd need to be rescued from Mcbitchy when you came to visit before the midget was born…and you're holding your own very well."

Mer glared at Cristina, eyes opened wide in warning.

"What," Cristina said, "I was looking out for you when you flew here…especially after the midget was born…and when Shepherd had to fly out here…I was ready to have to kick another Shepherd's ass…even if she'd just had a baby…can't make my person all dark and twisty again…but I told you," she insisted, "Kathleen and I were right."

There was silence in the room, "What's going on," Maggie said, her voice filled with concern, "you never said there was a problem, Derek…you made a special trip? Why?"

"Maggie," Meredith soothed, "Cristina is exaggerating…nothing is or was wrong…"

"I don't believe you," Maggie countered.

"Honey," John caressed Maggie's arm, "can't you see they're all fine?"

"John…" Maggie turned to him, "I...they're not…"

"Let it go," he kissed her, "for now…"

"Cristina," Jenna questioned, "you are calling my baby a midget?"

"They're little people," Cristina took a sip of her drink, "little midgets."

"Dear," Patricia said, "she's not too far off the mark…they are little people."

"Aunt Pat," Jenna argued defensively, tearing up, "my babies are not midgets."

"Yang," Mark drawled see what you started, "can't take you anywhere."

"Can't take her anywhere," one Maloney cousin glared at him, "you're the nosy gossip that's been telling Meredith & Derek's secrets," and effectively turned the tone of the conversation back to one of teasing and taunting.

"Shep," Mark's deep chuckle resonated, "do you remember the time the vice ridden troublemaking nun thought you were making out with in the back porch and pulled me inside by my ear…"

"I did not pull you inside by your ear, I smacked the back of your head," Pat said.

"Wait…Pat…" Cristina said.

"Cristina," Meredith admonished, "be more respectful, you can't just call her Pat."

"It's alright dear," Pat said, "we understand each other perfectly."

Cristina continued, "Sloan's taller than Shepherd, how could you confuse him?"

"He was wearing a big afro wig, it was Halloween," Patricia and Carolyn started laughing, "and this underage manwhore," Patricia said to Mark, "was making out with Derek's girlfriend."

"Oh my God," Jenna laughed, "you are a manwhore…stealing his women, thank God…you slept with Addie…so he could finally find Meredith."

"I'm going to be excommunicated," Patricia sighed dramatically, "if the Bishop hears of all the vices and sins in my family…"

"Mom," Nora laughed, "they know all your personal vices…and sins especially Father Dennison. You have no secrets."

Carolyn looked at her sister and they both laughed, before she said to her niece, "want to bet?"

"Wait," Meredith turned to Mark. "You mean to tell me…you seriously went behind Derek's back and kissed his girlfriend."

"Grey, it wasn't his girlfriend; she had the hots for me and was using Shep to get to me."

"Derek," Nancy said, "how could you get him get away with saying that…he's…"

"This time it's true," Derek chuckled, "but what Ma and Aunt Pat didn't know is I was actually out with Daphne Phillips."

"You were what?" Carolyn and Patricia said simultaneously.

"She was fifteen years older than you," Carolyn said.

"I know Ma…" Derek smirked.

"Oh get that smirk off your face," Mark said, "you didn't …"

"Uhmmm…." Derek responded.

"You did not," Mark said incredulously and then roared with laughter, "you son of a bitch…you never told me…hell Shep…you make me proud."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him amusedly and played along with this game, "you mean…he doesn't know…"

"He doesn't know," Derek raised his eyebrow at her, "only you know some secrets."

"He's lying," Mark said. "He has to be," and gulped his drink in one shot.

"Sloan, just remember," Cristina winked at him, "we have it from good sources he's nickname is fish…so…you know…"

"Cristina," Meredith laughed, "I can guarantee there is nothing but heat…" and caressed Derek's leg, "lots of it, in fact…"

"Meredith," Lexie smiled at her sister, though she first shared a smile with Mark. "You surprise me…willing to talk about your sexcapades…"

"Sexcapades," Allie and Laura walked in the room, "looks like we walked in just in time to hear the rest of it…Lexie wouldn't let Mark and Cristina talk earlier."

"She's a good sister," Meredith said, "she knows better."

"Actually…" Cristina said, "we told you about Mr. Incredible, that was enough, you're too young."

"Damn right," Kevin spoke up from Kathleen's side, "they're too young to be talking about sex…both of them are."

"Daddy…we're both adults," Laura told him and smiled.

"Don't talk to me about that…" Kevin said, "you can't be thinking of this…"

"Don't worry Dad," Allie winked at her mother and grandmother, both who knew all her secrets, "we're not thinking about it…but, it's really good to know how to avoid being Mcdreamied by a Manwhore…"

"Oh my God," Meredith said, "the three of you have been talking about us all day?"

"Mer," Cristina said, "we were on fairy tale duty for hours…what the hell were we supposed to do when suddenly we had some adults around to talk to?"

"Good thing," Carolyn said, "the little ones are gone. I'd have spent the last ten minutes washing mouths out with soap."

"I can change you know," Mark said out of the blue, "ask Lexie…she thinks I can be monogamous."

"I said," Lexie laughed, "there was a slight possibility, not that I'd bet money on it."

"Great friend you are," Mark pouted, and Carolyn and Meredith exchanged glances as Lexie leaned in to him.

"I am," Lexie told him, "and you know it…and so are you."

"You say that now," Mark said, "cause I'm driving you to your sister's."

"You don't have to," Lexie told him.

"Lexie," Mark said contritely, "I'm joking…of course I will…I told you…"

"She's coming here," Lexie smiled at him, "tell you later."

"She is?" He questioned.

"Mer invited her," Lexie said.

"Tell me later," he smiled and looked over at Meredith who smiled back.

"Mommy," Meghan rushed in to the room, "Kerry is going to be real hungry any second…and we tolds Jenni, me and Katie and Emma did, she's got to bring her to you."

"Thank you sweetie," Jenna lifted her daughter on her lap, "you're Mommy's wonderful helper and such a good big sister…watching over Kerry."

"I love you Mommy," the little girl hugged her, and blurted out whatever came to mind at the most unexpected moments, "but you was gone lots and lots today…and I missed you cause of Aunty M and Uncle D had their door closed…cause they didn't want us to know they was having candy," and then went to sit with her aunt and uncle.

"We're going to muzzle our kids," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear.

"Aunty M," Meghan climbed onto Derek's lap, and wanting Meredith's full attention placed her hands on her cheeks, turning her face to her, "see…Mommy knows I take real good care of my baby sister…even if she was mad cause me and Emma called you…but I tolds Mommy…we gave Kerry the pafier…and when she looked like she was gonna cry cause of we was at a strange house…cause she's little and it was the first time she was at Nana Alice house…she always likes to hear you talk…"

Meredith could only smile indulgently at the delightful three year old, while Derek again whispered in her ear, "you're a softie…Aunty M…"

Jenni, Nancy's oldest, walked in with the baby who had managed to get her entire hand in her mouth, and being fed was the immediate expectation. "I be back Aunty M…I gots to give my baby sister a kiss before she goes back to sleep…so she knows you take care of her...and we sleep at Granma's tonight…but Mommy and Daddy won't be here."

"There's my little piglet," Jenna smiled and took the baby from her niece, "minutes away from a hungry tantrum."

"Kerry," Meghan kissed the top of her sister's head, "we sleep at Granma's tonight…but you don't be scared cause Aunty M take care of you…and if you cwy I come and give you a kiss…and Katie…and Granma…and…" the list went on.

"Meggie," Rob said as he lifted the little girl, "you're a very good big sister…"

"I love Kerry Daddy…and I gots to take care of her and let Mommy know when she's awake and she's hungry…or cwying."

"And you do a very good job," he kissed and hugged the child close to him, and her eyes closed, thumb in mouth, presumably giving in to slumber after a long day.

"Derek," Meredith whispered to him, "can't you feel it…one day…our little ones…our little girl…snuggled up to her daddy?"

"Uhmmm…one day," their eyes locked in agreement, his lips a breath away from hers, "whenever you're ready…"

"Soon," Meredith said against his lips, while the rest of the family looked on and smiled.

"Mcdreamied…and Mcbabied…or maybe," Cristina said, "it's McMommy…hinting…"

"What is it with all the Mc Names?" Maggie said, "we haven't got all those stories."

"Well," Mark laughed, "it started when I visited Seattle…"

"You lie," Cristina laughed, "it did not."

"Mark," Lexie smacked him, "McDreamy existed way before you did…"

"Did not," Mark smirked, egging them on.

"He did," Cristina said, "I named him, thanks to Mer being unable to resist kissing him."

"Cristina," Meredith glared at her.

"Hey," Cristina shrugged, "I gave you credit for McSteamy."

"McSteamy," Patricia said, "suits the manwhore."

"Mom," her twin daughters echoed, "you are a nun…and old…"

"But not blind or oblivious to his occasional charm," Patricia commented.

"Nobody," Cristina said, "would ever believe you're a nun. Especially since you don't wear a habit."

"She looks more like she's ready to ride a Harley," Mark taunted Pat. "All she needs are the boots and a jacket to go with those jeans," and he felt a smack to the bad of the head from Cristina.

"Shit Yang," Mark protested.

"Granma," Meghan who'd been presumably sleeping, spoke up, "Doctor Mark needs to go to the kitchen…"

"Yes, he does," Carolyn said, "come on Mark…your turn to wash out your mouth."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark complained. "I'm sorry…really…"

"Come with me," Carolyn insisted.

"I forgot…Meghan was there," he defended himself, "she was sleeping."

"That's not why I called you in here," Carolyn said. "I've been watching you today. The way you're looking at Lexie."

"I haven't done anything," Mark told her defensively.

"I'm not saying you have," Carolyn told him, "I just want you to be sensitive…and I know you can be. I've noticed the way you look at her…but Mark she's…"

"I know…I know…I'm much older than her…"

"Mark Sloan," Carolyn laughed, "I've said it before…you have the emotional maturity of a horny fifteen year old…I'm not worried about the age difference."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark said, "I'm …"

"Mark," Carolyn cupped his face, "you're entitled to call me Mom, I've been telling you that for years…"

"I know," he said, and bowed his head, "but…Mom…my Mom, it would have hurt her…though you were there for me…always…more than they were."

"I know," Carolyn acknowledged, "but they loved you…and when she passed…your Dad never got over it…in their own way, you know they loved you…"

"Yeah," he said. "Maybe they did."

"They did," Carolyn told him, "trust me…she loved you very much, even if they weren't always able to show it."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark said, a bit taken over by emotions, "I always…was grateful…for all the times you took me in…and cared for me…"

"You're one more of our kids…" she said, "Pat and I feel the same way, you should know that."

"I do…" he said, "and I love you both…"

"We know that too dear."

"You're very forgiving," he said, "even when I screwed up…badly…"

"Derek forgave you," Carolyn said, "that's enough for me…but…Mark, I don't think Meredith will be as forgiving if you hurt her sister, and that concerns me…because you two seem to be getting rather close…"

"We haven't, I swear… I haven't…"

"But you'll want to, and you're seeing Tracy…"

"We're only friends," Mark told her.

"Yes, I know you say that, but I see the way you've been looking at her, watching after her, concerned over her vulnerability over this first holiday without her mother…"

"I meant," Mark told her, "Tracy and I are only friends…" he said and told her of the situation between them, and it was several minutes before both walked back into the living room, Mark helping bring in two trays of champagne.

"Well," Carolyn said, "I thought it was appropriate to have some of this wonderful champagne that Mark brought earlier after they bought candy for the kids," she winked at Meredith. "A bit of candy…shall we say for the adults."

"Meredith," Jenna, who'd finished feeding Kerry, teased her, "you have to know I was joking earlier…about my three year old learning that sex is candy…and that her Aunty M and Uncle D had the door locked cause of," Jenna caressed Meghan's curls, as she lay sleeping on her lap, "you was having s-e-x again."

"On that note," Derek said, leaving his sister momentarily speechless. "Jenna Patricia, Mer and I are going to call it a night…and enjoy a night of candy…"

"That's an excellent idea," Derek's cousin Nora said, "think I'll fill Jonathan in on the joys of candy," and the twin sisters said goodnight, as Pat mentioned she'd be home within the hour.

"Cat got your tongue," Derek teased Jenna.

"Have all the candy you want," Jenna said, "but you're not getting out of babysitting tonight…not when Rob and I can finally…"

"Ok…" Derek stopped her, "I don't need to know this…"

"Can't handle the idea of your sister having sex Shepherd?" Cristina taunted.

"Who says they have sex," Derek answered, "these babies were brought by the stork, right Ma?"

"That's right dear," Carolyn smiled, "that was one of your Dad's favorite stories…how the stork kept finding us…and dropping off babies…"

Derek got up and sat next to his mother, putting an arm around her, "he'd have had a hard time convincing the grandkids," Derek laughed, "they're a lot smarter than we were...we believed the stork story…"

"You did?" Nancy said, "Derek, seriously…"

"I was only four," Derek defended, "then Maggie came along…yeah…I believed him."

"Meredith," Maggie laughed, "you'll have to tell us how your kids believe that story…"

"I think," Meredith smiled, "our kids won't believe that story at all…not when their Aunt Maggie teaches them about the joys of candy…before even starting school…"

"Honey," John pulled Maggie up from the couch, "enough of all this candy talk," she laughed as he wrapped his arms around her and kissed her, "let's go home to a night of sex…"

"John," Maggie laughed, "Derek doesn't want to hear we do that…"

"That's right," Derek said, "just like Dad wouldn't have wanted to hear it," he smiled, a bittersweet smile, thinking about his father and he pressed his lips together, the feeling of loss, after so many years still overwhelming. "Just like Kevin doesn't want to hear about Allie and Laurie…"

"Damn right," Kevin agreed with him, "they're still babies…"

"Honey," Kathleen touched his face, "our baby is seven…"

"Don't remind me," Kevin smiled at her.

"Aunty M," Jenna got up from the couch and walked over to Meredith, "she's fed and burped…and she's all yours… and I trust you…" she winked at her, "not my brother…"

"Just because I forgot one time…that your kids don't sleep," Derek told his sister.

"One time," Jenna laughed, "really…"

"Fine," Derek ignored her and took the baby. "Kerry, we're going to prove to these two nosy women…how well you and I get along…aren't we," he said as the baby tried to focus her eyes on him.

"Good luck," Jenna smiled, kissing the baby one last time. "Mer, call me…if you need anything… I can talk to her and soothe her on the phone, just as you do."

"She'll be fine," Meredith cooed to her goddaughter, who gurgled in response. "Won't you Kerry…we're going to be just fine…"

The evening was coming to an end. The older three granddaughters had effectively managed the younger ones, and now helped to gather everyone together to go home with their parents; Jenna's girls had long ago been put to bed in their parent's room, with Emma remaining behind just as she had the night before, all three girls keeping each other company.

"Shep," Mark said while all the commotion of getting ready for Derek's sisters to leave was taking place, "thank you."

"For what?"

"Being able to be here…" Mark took a deep breath, closed his eyes briefly before meeting Derek's gaze, "with …family."

"You are family," Derek placed his hand on Mark's shoulder, "always have been."

"Jenna's right," Mark told him, "I'm glad you found Meredith…even if I…"

"I found Meredith," Derek told him, "that's all that matters…the past, let it rest," and with that conversation, the past was laid to rest between two men whose childhood bond and friendship had withstood betrayal and survived; the bonds of friendship, of extended family ties providing the foundation of forgiveness.

Over an hour later, Meredith was pacing, tears in her eyes as Kerry refused to settle and cried.

"Mer," Derek stood in front of her. "Babies get fussy…let me take her."

"I can't…Derek…I can't even do this…she's crying and won't stop…and I'm delusional…thinking I can deal with having kids…"

"You can," Derek told her, "and we know there's going to be sleepless nights…and…"

They heard a soft knock on the door, "Meredith…Derek…it's Mom..."

"Oh God," Meredith whimpered herself, "she was right…we're keeping her up…and…"

"Ma," Derek opened the door, "what's wrong?"

Carolyn didn't answer and walked up to Meredith and took the baby from her, "nothing's wrong…is there Kerry…"

"Carolyn," Meredith reverted to her mother in law's name whenever she felt she was not living up to her expectations, ready for the inevitable rejection experienced for years, "I'm sorry…you warned us she'd be up…and didn't listen…"

"Derek," Carolyn instructed, "stop pacing…both of you…now…Meredith, sweetheart…she's been held all day long…and she's over tired…and excited, and she's just a baby…and as much as she loved being held and cuddled all day, right now she needs what's familiar to her…"

"But," Meredith sniffled, "Jenna's not here…"

"She doesn't need Jenna," Carolyn cuddled the now whimpering baby, "she's familiar with you….that's enough."

"She keeps crying," Meredith said, "Carolyn…I'll have to call Jenna…"

"No you don't," Carolyn soothed, "and stop with the Carolyn…before I have to pull on your ear," she said making Meredith smile. "She's used to a very calm voice talking to her on the phone…or holding her," Carolyn spoke softly as the baby began to settle, "not to a godmother that's upset and flustered…now…get into bed…"

"I can't…I have to…"

"Get into bed," Carolyn instructed, and then sat next to her. "Kerry…your godmother…is learning that Granma's are always right," Kerry followed her voice, "and you can't be spoiled all the time…she just needs to be calm…unlike your brainless godfather, who's making things worse," both she and Meredith smiled at the baby's reaction to the word, "and you hold her…" she placed the baby in Meredith's arm, "and let her know you're calm…and not upset…and she'll take in your scent," Meredith snuggled the baby close to her, "and talk to her like you do every night…and she's going to fall asleep before you know it…"

Kerry whimpered a bit as Meredith followed Carolyn's instructions, kissing her gently and speaking to her softly, while her grandmother wisely put the pacifier in her mouth, and within minutes the baby was settled and content in Meredith's arms.

"Now," Carolyn said quietly, giving Meredith a kiss on the cheek, "next time I tell you a baby shouldn't be held all day long…listen to me…"

"Mom," Meredith said quietly, "I still have a lot to learn…about family…and…"

"You," Carolyn touched her check tenderly, "just need to accept I love you…and no more Carolyn...you understand…no more doubts…"

"I love you," Meredith said softly, "thank you…for today…"

"I love you both," Carolyn turned to Derek who was sitting on his side of the bed. "You have no idea how happy I am to have had you here…today…our entire family…for this very special Thanksgiving Celebration."

"I think," Derek smiled at her, "we have an idea…we feel the same way."

"I'll see you in the morning," Carolyn said, "give her a little bit to settle before putting her down, and then get some sleep…both of you," she laughed softly.

"Mom…" Derek groaned.

"Derek Christopher," Carolyn smiled, "we've already established I know about sex, stop being a prude."

"Not to mention," Meredith smiled at her, "eventually…there will be three grandchildren waiting for you in Seattle…"

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn laughed softly, "that will happen without sex… the stork will bring babies…" and she hugged her daughter in law and now sleeping granddaughter before she got up and walked around to hug her son goodnight.

"Good night Ma," Derek said, as he'd done for years while he lived at home.

"Good night dear," Carolyn walked out smiling, as she discreetly locked the door behind her and went in to check on her three sleeping granddaughters. "Good night Irish," Carolyn spoke softly, "I love you…our family loves you…" and walked to the room they'd shared and lay down on her side of the bed, turning to his side, "I expect you with me tomorrow…as we baptize our youngest grandchild…our newest and tiny precious granddaughter…and for each of the others...six more love…" and as she fell asleep Carolyn would swear she heard his voice echo through eternity.

"I love you too Irish…and I'll be with you…and all of our children…and yes…six more grandchildren…" and she had, just as early the next morning, a gentle tender voice woke her from a dream, where her Irish stood by her, just as she imagined he'd look like today, dressed in his favorite suit, ready for a joyous family celebration.

Carolyn lay in bed, eyes closed before rising as she did every morning, and gave thanks for Blessings, her family…her children…her memories…but, this morning she smiled, as she could feel the closeness of her soul mate, and the giggles of an Angel, Meredith's own little angel as they echoed through the sounds of time, "I be there too Granma…with my Granpa…"

"Derek," Meredith said, waking suddenly, "did you…hear…"

"I did," he said, overcome by emotions, "the giggles of an Angel…" and wrapped his arms tightly around Meredith, "Brianna…giggles like her mother."


	223. Chapter 223

_A/N 1/18/11 – Believe it or not…yes, another update. This story was first posted exactly three years ago, and part of me wanted to acknowledge that…those long three years of writing a journey I hoped you'd find worth of that legend of Meredith & Derek we were once shown on Grey's Anatomy. Hence…this update tonight, which I wanted to show bit of reflection on how it started…the night I first wrote it, that first chapter so filled with pain and fear and how they have grown…how their love and commitment has brought them to where they are now in this story, lovers and soul mates ready to take the next steps…the steps that lead to Dreams Fulfilled._

_Thank you so very much to each of you that has continued to support this journey of love between Meredith & Derek. Warmest regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 8**_

_**Our first…Godchild's Baptism…Part 1 of 3**_

"I'm sorry," Derek's sob was heartbreaking, "please…I can't lose her…no…no…" he cried in his sleep, "she can't be gone…let me make it up to her…please…not like Daddy…don't take her…I need her…I need her…"

"Derek," Meredith spoke softly, hoping not to disturb Kerry, attempting to shake him awake, "Derek… wake up…" she had to say it several times before rousing him from the deep disturbing nightmare.

"Oh…God," Derek finally took several deep breaths and buried his face in his hands.

"Derek," Meredith said quietly, "talk to me…please…you had a nightmare…"

"Uhmm…it's fine…I'm fine…sleep…go back to sleep…"

"No," she said tenderly, "you had a bad nightmare…you were sobbing…Derek…"

"You're ok…" he said, touching her, cupping her face, "you're ok…"

"I'm ok…but you're not."

Derek took a deep breath and closed his eyes, "I love you…Meredith…I love you so much…please…don't ever doubt it…I'd do anything…"

"Hey," Meredith said tenderly, her hand caressing his cheek, "what's this about…tell me please… we said we'd talk to each other…remember…"

"Bad dream," he said, "just a bad dream."

"Tell me about it," she insisted, reaching for both his hands, "please…"

"It's…" he shook his head, "no…just…let's sleep…"

"Derek," she said softly, "you can't become me…"

"I'm…what…" he asked, still shook up by his nightmare.

"No avoiding…no dark and twisty…"

"I'm fine…"

"You're not," she told him. "And …you're not going to lose me…ok…never…I'm not going to let you get rid of me," she said trying to joke with him, "you're stuck…for always," and instead he buried his face in her neck and she felt him shake uncontrollably.

"You…you were…gone…" he pursed his lips, "I was fighting…and I told him…he couldn't do this to me…even though it was my fault…"

"Who were you fighting…" she soothed.

"God," he said, and finally looked at her, "I begged him…like that night….I begged him…to make sure you were ok…that if I had to give you up I would….but that he'd keep you safe…that you wouldn't feel the way you said…the way you told me…that he had to make you understand…you had so much to live for…you were so special…that you didn't mean it…you didn't want to join your mother…"

"Derek," Meredith was stunned, realizing he was referring to the night she'd said those words to him; a night of fears that turned to despair; of hope in the miracle of a tiny baby that wasn't meant to be, and later faith in the future that was yet to come, unfolding before her in the most spiritual of gifts…dreams of their future blessings.

"Derek," she held his face in her hands, she was determined to be his strength. "I didn't meant that…you know I didn't…Derek…I love you…I did then…that night…Derek…as much as we were heartbroken…Derek…I loved you…we made it…Derek…we can't go back…"

"This year…all that's happened," he pursed his lips, "and to hear you talk this way…and taking care of the girls…Kerry…and thinking of babies…and I…it…I thought I'd lost you…forever…and you seem happy…here with family…"

"Nancy's right," Meredith smiled at him, "the brooding has to stop…Derek…we found each other…forever…of course I'm happy…how can I not be happy?"

"It's hard…" he took a deep breath, "sometimes…if feels…I don't deserve you…"

"Derek," she brushed his lips, tenderly, "I never believed, never dreamed of soul mates and finding the love of my life…but…I did…we found each other…and we deserve to be happy...both of us," her lips remained on his, his hands safely in hers. "In different ways…neither of us had a gentle and kind childhood…my mom…your dad…and now…somehow we found each other," she kissed him, her lips ever so softly on his, willing him to accept all the love reserved for him; this one man that had loved and accepted her; the one and only man she had ever truly loved, "and I believe…I do…Derek… God answered our prayers," she breathed softly, "even when neither of us was praying…because we didn't believe…or remember that there was anyone listening…"

"Until you…" Derek cupped her face, eyes glistening, kissing her tenderly, "till I almost lost you…I'd forgotten to pray…I'd forgotten God could listen…and then…when I thought you'd given up on me …that you'd never be able to forgive me…and called Kathleen…I begged and begged for Him to hear me…for Him to listen…"

"He answered," Meredith told him, "that's all that matters now…you told me you'd put the past behind you and Mark tonight…so have we…all these months but let's make it real…no more looking back…we've learned from it…now let's enjoy …"

"Our many blessings…" he whispered.

"Our many blessings…" she agreed, "and all the ones to come…"

"I love you," Derek told her, his kiss deepening, her hunger for him never sated, but now was not a moment of passion, but of tender assurances as they fell asleep in each other's gentle embrace; it had always been about the emotions, the depth of their love for each other, the depth of feelings never before experienced, and as such succumbed to slumber.

Later, in the middle of the night, after she'd risen to feed and change their goddaughter, lovers destined to be together for this lifetime gave in to their unquenchable passion.

"Derek," Meredith said in the early pre-dawn morning hours, before sunrise filled the room with light, "last night…" she smiled, pressing her body into his, "was…"

"Amazing…" he nuzzled her neck, softly biting and enticing.

"Yeah…you were…" she felt his erection, "still are…apparently…"

"Getting lots of practice," he said, "for quiet…candy time," she giggled.

"She's slept most of the night," Meredith smiled, lifting her head to take a look at the baby, laying peacefully asleep in the heirloom bassinet, "think we'll be so lucky…our kids sleeping all night?"

"We'll have to make sure Granma teaches us all her tricks," he kissed her shoulder, "to make babies sleep," his hand caressing the soft skin of her stomach, working their way to her breast, as a moan escaped her and he smiled, nuzzling her neck again and whispering, "think we have time…"

"For a quickie…" Meredith giggled, "maybe…if we hurry…"

"Uhmmm…" Derek quickly discarded her top, "not a quickie…need more than…"

"You had plenty last night," Meredith laughed softly, as he'd expertly and without wasting time lay on top of her, "a quickie is just about all we'll have time for…before we hear the pitter patter and knocks on our door…and a little one sucking her entire hand ready to scream if she's not fed."

"Mer," Derek said, " listen…"

"Uhmm…" she snuggled into him, "what…"

"Quiet," he wanted to laugh as he and Meredith heard the conversation outside their door.

"Doctor Cris," Meghan argued, "I gots to knock…I gets cuddle time with Aunty M and Uncle D…and they gots to wake up and take care of my baby sister…"

"I think," Cristina looked at the determined three year old, "your baby sister may have kept them up all night and they need to sleep…"

"Cause of why?" Meghan questioned.

"Well," Cristina said, "because she's a baby and if she cried and didn't sleep, that means your Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith…"

"You can say that really good," Meghan interrupted her and smiled, "but I still little and can't say Merwerdith…you gots real pretty hair…just like Mommy…"

"Thank you," Cristina was taken aback, as the little girl reached up and touched her curls.

"Welcome," Meghan smiled, "can we waked them up now?"

"You know," Cristina told her, "I'm really hungry…and I don't remember where the kitchen is…do you think you could show me?"

"I take you," Meghan said, "but I not help you cook…ok…I gots to gets back up here and cuddle with Aunty M and Uncle D…"

Cristina smiled at the youngster; she'd seen Meredith's happiness over the last day with Derek's family and allowed herself a momentary sentimental moment, hoping one day Meredith and Derek would enjoy having a little kid as adorable as Meghan. But, for now, they were going to owe her, big time, for allowing them additional morning sex time.

"Who is that person," Meredith giggled, "volunteering to spend time with Meghan."

"It won't last long." Derek bit her neck playfully, "Meghan's more persistent, she'll be back here in minutes."

"Probably," Meredith laughed and smiled as she heard the cooing from the bassinet, "just as our goddaughter…even if she's been very well behaved thus far…"

"I'll get her," Derek kissed Meredith's naked shoulder.

"I'll do it," Meredith told him, attempting to rise.

"Stay in bed," He pushed her back, kissing her while caressing her cheek, "we're going to get company soon enough."

"Fine," she agreed, and became a bit lost in thought; pleased about their earlier conversation, they'd made it through a difficult year; "she needs to get to know you…"

"She does know me," Derek said cockily as he smiled at the baby who became serious. "Don't you Kerry…you know your brainless godfather," and the baby smiled and cooed, as he picked her up and cuddled her. "Oh…boy…we've got one hell of stinky diaper," and wrinkled her nose, "lucky I love you…cause …if your Mommy was here, I'd hand you over to her."

"Derek," Meredith told him, "I can take her…"

"Listen to that," Derek spoke to the baby who was trying to find follow her godmother's voice, "Aunty M doesn't want to share you…even when I offer to change your stinky diaper," and with that he continued to talk to the beautiful newborn as he changed her and brought her to his wife.

"You did good," Meredith smiled at him, "morning baby…you were such a good girl last night…only woke me up twice, though once wasn't really you…but your godfather…does he think I wasn't listening to him…showing you the snowflakes at night…and telling you all about your little angel…your baby cousin Brianna…"

"I love you," Derek leaned into her, "Meredith Grey…"

"And I love you…we both do," and he knew she spoke of their baby Angel, "for always."

"Aunty M," the knock came expectedly, "Uncle D…we gots to cuddle, and Mommy and Daddy says no candy in the morning…so you can't have candy now…not before we eats breakfast…"

"Our kids," Derek smiled, "are going to be trained…"

"Really," Meredith teased him "to do what? Cook… their own breakfast?"

"No…smartass…" he teased back, "not to leave their rooms till we get them…"

"Derek," Meredith smacked him playfully, "that's mean, and I'm not going to let you…"

"You're going to spoil them rotten," he chuckled. "God help me…"

"God help us both," Meredith kissed him, "you're going to be a pushover…"

"I can't wait," Derek smiled at her, cupping her face, before one last kiss.

"Neither can I," Meredith snuggled Kerry, and watched Derek walk to the door, "for you to have baby cousins…but not yet…ok…we're going to enjoy you for now…but soon…"

"Aunty M," Meghan had her hand on her tiny hip, just like her mother. "Granma says breakfast is ready soon…and I gots to tell you we gots a real busy day," the little girl went on about the conversation with her grandmother and Cristina, making Meredith smile and feel rather sentimental that her person was trying to fit into the family.

Before long, four little girls were cuddled together in their aunt and uncle's bed, all but the tiniest one asleep, delighting her godparents with her cooing and gurgles.

"Mer," Lexie knocked softly on their door, "Carolyn says breakfast is ready."

"Come in," Meredith responded, and when her sister walked in both exchanged smiles.

"Need any help?" Lexie asked her sister.

"Maybe," Derek smirked, teasing Meredith, "you can help Mom in the kitchen…cause Mer…won't be much help there…"

"Jerk," Meredith ignored him.

"Mer," Lexie walked over to her, "can I hold her?"

"Kerry," Meredith responded to Lexie's request, "what do you say… there's someone that wants to hold you," the baby's gaze was locked with hers, "she's my sister…and you have big sisters…just like Lexie does," Meredith continued to talk to the baby before placing her in Lexie's arms.

"She's beautiful," Lexie smiled, "Mer…so tiny…"

"Not so tiny," Meredith told her, "she's really a little piglet…almost eleven pounds…she needs to go on a diet pretty soon," the baby whimpered. Meredith cooed to her, "oh…I'm sorry…I didn't mean that…you can eat all you want…yes, you can..."

"Mer," Lexie found her sister's gaze, "you're going to be an amazing mom…"

"You think," Meredith's eyes watered, "not too dark and twisty…"

"Just perfect," Lexie said, "don't you agree Kerry," the baby smiled, "your godmother is going to be just perfect as a mommy…"

"Aunt Merdith," Katie rubbed her eyes, and said excitedly, "you gonna have a baby…Meggie wake up…"

"I sleepy…" Meghan buried herself in the comforter.

"Aunt Merdith is gonna have a baby," the three adults just looked at each other.

"Aunty M," Meghan sat up quickly, "you gots a baby in your tummy?"

"No," Meredith said, "I don't…Lexie was just talking about one day…when Uncle Derek and I have a baby…but not yet sweetie," she ran her fingers through Meghan's curls.

"Oh…" Meghan said, "so when do you gets a baby in your tummy?"

"We don't know," Derek answered.

"How come?" Katie asked, "Mommy knew she was gonna have a baby…"

"Yes," Derek said, "because Kerry was already in her tummy…"

"Uncle Derek," Katie told him, "I mean…Meggie was little and Mommy tolds Aunty Maggie she wanted to another baby…do you and Aunt Meredith wanna have a baby?"

"Yes," Meredith said, "we do…but it takes a little time…"

"How long?" Katie asked.

"Morning Uncle Derek," Emma chose that moment to come awake, "Aunt Meredith…"

"Good morning Emma," Derek said, "you had a long nap there…"

"I was tired," Emma smiled at him, "and it's gonna be a long day…"

"It sure is," Derek told her.

"Emma," Meghan got her attention, "Uncle D and Aunty M are gonna have a baby…"

"You are," Emma's eyes twinkled, "when?"

"Not yet sweetie," Meredith kissed her cheek, "we were just talking that one day…we'll have a baby who's going to have three beautiful cousins to help me watch the baby…"

"Oh…that's disappointing," Emma said, "I thought it was going to be soon…"

"Aunt Merdith," Katie pondered, "your baby is gonna have lots more cousins…cause Kerry had everyone taking here of her yesterday…"

"Yes," Meredith smiled, "but I was talking about three beautiful little girls right here."

"Aunty M," Meghan said, the small pout making her look just like Jenna, and making the adults want to laugh, "you forgots my baby sister…don't you want Kerry to look after your baby?"

"Of course I do…" Meredith told the girls, "but, I think when Uncle Derek and I have a baby, Kerry is still going to be too little to help me…but you can."

"And Katie and Emma…and we can get on a big airplane and come visit you…" Meghan continued, "right Aunty M…and Mommy has to come…cause of we're little…and she gots to bring Kerry…and Aunty Kat…and," she cuddled the favorite stuffed animal, "we can't forget Mr. Bear," the list went on, as Derek reached for Meredith's hand and brought it to his lips, no words needed as their gazes spoke volumes, each committing to making baby dreams come true…in the foreseeable future.

"Well," Rob joked as his two oldest daughters and Emma walked in the kitchen, "look at that…I thought I'd lost my girls…couldn't find you anywhere."

"Daddy," Meghan ran to him as did Katie, "you're silly…we was not lost…we was cuddling with Aunt M and Uncle D…" she giggled as he lifted her in the air and tickled her before picking up Katie as well and saying something that made her laugh.

"Uncle Rob," Emma said, "you're making us breakfast?"

"I sure am," Rob put down Katie and lifted his petite niece in his arms, "and I'm making your very favorites…just for you Emma…"

"I love you Uncle Rob," the little girl hugged him, "even if you don't make my favorite."

"Eggs benedict," Rob hugged her, "coming up…"

"Daddy," Meghan said, "and we gets pancakes…

"You sure do," Rob worked his way familiarly around Carolyn's kitchen, "we have a little piglet," his daughters and niece giggled, "for Meghan…since Kerry can't eat yet…and a turkey for Katie…"

"Cause of it's Thank…it's turkey day again…" Meghan exclaimed.

"And…" Rob laughed and joked as his wife walked in, "penguins for Mommy…"

"Daddy," Katie laugh, "you got to make penguins for Aunty Merdith cause she's having a baby…and maybe one for Aunty Katie…so she can change her mind…cause Emma wants a baby sister…right Emma…"

"You're pregnant," echoed five adult voices, Carolyn and Lexie remained silent. Then, various forms of, "you didn't say anything…"

"Meredith," Jenna approached her, smiling and teary eyed, "you're…"

"No," Meredith just shook her head, hugging the baby to her, "but…thinking of it."

"Oh God…" Jenna shook her head, and kissed Kerry's cheek, "baby…your sisters are going to make Mommy get lots of gray hairs…but you're not," the baby gurgled happily, "are you…you're going to be Mommy's little angel," and Kerry smiled back at her mother and godmother, "and you can't be hungry yet…Mommy's going to help Daddy cook breakfast ok…" the baby talked back, content in Meredith's arms.

"Granma," Emma explained, "Aunt Meredith isn't having a baby now…she's having a baby next year," she said convincingly, "we were just talking about that…and that we're going to go to Seattle and help her take care of our baby cousin."

"It's gotta be a baby girl, right Aunt Merdith,"Katie asked, "cause baby boys when you change their diapers they get you wet all over…that's what happened to Jenni," she giggled, "when she was changing cousin Gracie's baby boy…"

"She will never forget that," Carolyn laughed, "and it was three years ago."

"Aunty Merdith," Katie said, "you have a girl…ok…"

"Girls," Carolyn interrupted, "it doesn't matter…if you have baby cousins that are boys or girls…because every little baby is special…"

"Granma," Emma smiled, "but Mommy said we need to get some boy cousins…cause there's lots more girls…"

"She was joking I'm sure," Carolyn walked by and hugged her granddaughter, "because your Mommy has three girls she loves very very much…"

"I know Granma," she said, her language making Cristina think some kids weren't too bad, "and she won't budge…even though I ask her every day…she said no more babies…that she's going to enjoy her nieces and nephews…but, you know Granma, if she had one more baby and it's a boy…she'd have three girls and three boys…"

"I think" Derek said, "she just means she's getting too old to have more babies…"

"You," Cristina chuckled, and shook her head, "did not just say that."

"What…" Derek said, "she's smart…aren't you Emma…you know mommies usually have babies when they're younger."

"My Mommy is not old," Emma sniffled, "she's beautiful…and she loves you…and you're being mean," the usually mature girl searched for her grandmother's comfort.

"You're right sweetheart," Carolyn glared at Derek, as she sat down and placed the child on her lap, "your Mommy is all those things…and I know if she were to have another baby it would make her very happy…but, I think she and your Daddy are very happy with their five babies…just like your Granpa and I were…"

"Granma," Emma asked her, "if Granpa didn't go to Heaven…you think you would have more babies?"

"You know what," Carolyn hugged Emma tightly, "your Aunt Jenna was five years old when Granpa went to Heaven…and we knew she was always going to be our baby…just like I think your Mommy and Daddy know you're their baby…"

"Granma," Emma asked, too wise oftentimes for her young years, "but…my Daddy won't go to heaven…when he's young…like Granpa…right?"

"I think," Carolyn worded her answer carefully, "God had a very special job for Granpa and that's why he had him go to Heaven much earlier than I pray your Daddy will…"

"How," Cristina leaned over to Mark, "is it possible he's so brainless when Mama Shep is so smart?"

"I need a drink," Mark said.

"Try this," Cristina poured more black coffee in his cup, "for now."

Breakfast took its natural course when there are three chatty granddaughters under the age of eight and somewhat unruly adults around the table.

"Grey," Mark smiled at her, "you scared the hell out of me…"

"Granma," Meghan said immediately, mouth full with pancakes.

"I know sweetie," Carolyn acknowledged, "he's not supposed to say that…so he doesn't get anything else to drink today, not even the champagne he bought."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark whined.

"Man up …" Cristina told him, "I had to read fairy tales yesterday."

"Doctor Cris," Katie said, "you was really good reading stories…will you read one after we finish breakfast?"

"Walked right into that one," Mark mumbled.

"Just you wait…" Cristina retorted.

"Doctor Mark," Emma said, "why did Aunt Meredith scare you?"

"Yes," Jenna taunted, "why did Meredith scare you?"

"It's grown up…stuff," Mark said, and continued eating.

"You means," Katie asked him, "like having s-e-x when you're not supposed to cause it's too early in the morning and you only get once piece of candy after school?"

"Carolyn," an unexpected voice, as the kitchen door opened, alerted them to company, "I cannot believe what I'm hearing…you have a three year old at the table…"

"Mary," Carolyn said with a deadpan expression, "it's good to see you too…"

"Can you believe your sister kept me from coming here for breakfast this morning, the nerve of her…" the newly arrived woman complained.

"My sister?" Carolyn raised an eyebrow.

"Hell yes," Mary replied, "she's all yours when she's being a pain in the ass."

"Oh my goodness…" Katie put her hand to her mouth, "Granma…that's real bad…"

"Granma," Meghan said, as she continued chewing, "that's two," she put up two fingers, "bad words…we gonna run out of soap…"

"For the love of all that's holy," the newly arrived woman, obviously Carolyn's older sister, laughed, "can you imagine if you'd bought stock in Palmolive years ago?"

"Aunt Mary," Jenna smiled, "want to have breakfast?"

"Of course I do," her aunt hugged her, "Pat's a horrible cook…and we've been driving for over an hour in the snow…"

"Aunt Mary," Emma defended, "she's a really good pie maker…"

"Yes," Mary agreed, "but…I can cook lots of other things…"

"You make the bestest cookies," Emma agreed, "and Granma makes the bestest chocolate chip pancakes…"

"My Daddy," Meghan said, "makes the bestest bestest piggy pancakes…"

"And penguins," Emma added, "like mommies walking like penguins before they have a baby."

"What is all this talk about animals," Carolyn's sister walked to the cupboard to grab plates, cups and utensils and placed two new settings on the table.

"You have no idea," Mark said, "but spend the night…you'll learn about roaring lions…"

"You," Mary laughed, "are still a man…" she interrupted herself. "I see…Carolyn…you may be right," and neither sister said anything else. "Now, where are your manners, I've been here three minutes and nobody thinks to introduce me to the newest member of the family."

"Aunt Mary," Emma said, "but you already met Kerry…remember…you were at Aunt Jenna's and you held the baby…"

"Carolyn," Mary said, "too smart for their own good…"

"Tell me about it," Derek mumbled.

"Except of course," Mary walked to Meredith and hugged her, "your husband…who is

still…as his sisters say…rather brainless…" and the baby smiled. "Well, what do you know…even the littlest Maloney agrees…"

"She's not Maloney," Rob said taunting her.

"Thank God she has our genes," Mary dismissed his comment, "of course she is."

"Mary," Carolyn warned, "behave."

"Meredith," Mary smiled at her, "I can't tell you how glad I am to meet you…and so sorry I could not make it here the last visits, Carolyn kept me away…so did that troublemaking nun…thinking I'd be overwhelming...which I don't understand why, if you can deal with Patricia, I'm a piece of cake," and all the adults except Meredith, Cristina and Lexie laughed.

"Aunty M," Meghan remembered her obsession, "does we get s-e-x now…please…you said we could…in the morning…"

The kitchen became suddenly silent as an older man walked in the room and quietly walked to the table. "Mary, honey, what are you teaching the little ones so early in the morning. If you wanted s-e-x you could have told me, I'm always willing to oblige."

"Uncle Frank," Katie asked him, "you had candy this morning too?"

"Candy…" Mary said and looked around, and could barely control her laughter, and instead chose to glare at Derek, "you told them it's candy."

"Hey…" Frank, her husband said, "not too far off the mark…"

"Don't look at me," Derek said defensively, "it wasn't me…it was Maggie."

"Aunty M," Meghan insisted, "does we get the candy now?"

"Yes," Meredith said, having no idea what was going on. "Derek…would you…"

"Yes," he agreed. "Meghan, when we finish breakfast, you can have the candy we brought ou from Seattle."

"This," Mary laughed, "I have got to hear…s-e-x and candy…and roaring lions…"

"Oh God," Meredith hugged the baby closer, "here it comes…"

"Meredith," Mary said, "whatever they've told you about me…probably this one," she pointed to Mark, "is probably not true."

"It was all nice," Meredith rambled, "everyone said…very nice things, well…except, you know…it doesn't make sense...anything of what they said…Mom…you were putting me on…again…just like with the son in law…"

"Oh…Derek…" his aunt smiled, "finally…you got it right…Meredith, there is definitely a son in law…son of a …but, that's another story…"

"Mark," Meredith looked at him, glaringly, "you…are in hot water…good thing you were Derek's best man already cause now…"

"That's not fair," Mark argued, "you said…"

"Well," Meredith said, "I can change my mind…"

"Shep," Mark said, "tell her…she can't change her mind…"

"Hey," Derek shrugged, "I didn't try to fool her," he kissed the top of the baby's head, the nosy baby that seemed to thrive around the various degrees of noise levels and tones, getting perfect training for the years to come.

"You," Meredith turned to her husband, smacking him playfully, "are a fraud…"

"Why me," Derek coked his head at her.

"Don't give me that Mcdreamy smile," Meredith told him, "it's not going to work this time…and you making me think she was the real Aunt Margaret…and that she was a prude…and we had to be careful not to talk about …s-e-x…" she finished.

"Aunt Mary," Katie who as always followed the conversation when they'd have preferred she didn't, "you don't like candy?"

"Sweetie," Mary told her, "I love candy…"

"Just like me…" Katie said.

Mary, who'd sat down next to Meredith said, "hopefully not."

"No secrets Aunt Mary," Emma reminded her, just as her nieces always did.

"Don't let anyone kid you," she turned to Meredith again, "I'm the original slutty aunt."

Meredith met her gaze, momentarily quiet and then laughed, tears of laughter on her cheeks. "You know about that…"

"Honey," Mary put her hand over hers, "there's little we Maloney women don't know…"

"But…that was…" Meredith started to say.

"Kathleen's misconception," the older woman lifted an eyebrow.

"Well…I have to admit," Meredith said frankly, "maybe…there was a little truth…but," she put her index finger up, "I was not married!"

"Neither was I," Mary told her, and caressed her great niece's dark lovely newborn curls, "when I had my first little on the way…"

"Mary," Frank smiled at his wife adoringly, "don't make me look bad now…we have a new niece and she should have a good impression of us."

"Yes, dear," Mary smiled at him. "Derek, I understand you were not too happy with Frank being Carolyn's…." she paused for effect, "buddy…"

"You are an old witch…" Derek laughed.

"Oh no…" Meghan said, "no…no… Uncle D…I love Aunt Mary…"

"Meggie," Derek said, "I'm just kidding…she knows I'm joking…"

"Meggie," Mary said, "baby…there are only witches in stories…in very bad bad stories…and Uncle Derek got rid of her…of the only witch that will ever come near you…with all the fake red head and…will be in your fairy tale books…"

Meredith smiled, "is there anything, you don't know?"

"Maybe a handful of things," Mary looked at her sister, "my sisters are very protective of their daughters, especially the younger ones," she said, and Meredith clearly understood that the baby's loss had not been shared. "Meredith," Mary smiled at her sweetly, "sweetheart…welcome to the family…my sisters and my nieces were right…you are the one…the perfect one for him…"

"Thank you," Meredith leaned back into Derek's embrace, hardly any distance between them, as they sat on the bench along the windows. "He was the only one for me."

"Mommy," Meghan said, "Kerry is gonna be hungry really soon…she gots her hand in her mouth…so that means you gots to feed her…cause of Aunty M had bottles…and you and Daddy was gone lots and lots…"

"Out of the mouth of babes," Frank chuckled, "Rob, son…if you accept that now, it will make your life much easier…Derek," he continued, "learn from this…I understand, you've had a bit of foot in mouth syndrome."

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "Shepherdsville would make a good reality show…you know…for the Disney Channel…"

"Why not Maloneyville?" Mary quipped.

"Nah…" Cristina smirked, "too tame…" and the whole room erupted in laughter, including the gurgles of the tiniest and most precious member of the family.

"I'm going to take my innocent daughter," Jenna took the baby from Meredith, "and feed her and make sure she naps…or she's going to be one cranky baby at the baptism…"

"She gonna hate the water," Meghan said, "right Daddy?"

"I think," Rob kissed his daughter, "it's a pretty safe bet Kerry will not like the water."

"Girls," Mary said, "Uncle Frank is going to take you sledding…before the snow melts."

"She thinks I'm young," Frank chuckled, "and can keep up with these youngsters."

"You can keep up with me," his wife smiled at him, and Derek reached for Meredith's hand.

"Mom and Dad," Derek whispered, "were a bit like that…teasing…and joking…"

"It's lovely," Meredith squeezed his hand back.

"Ok…girls," Mary said, "off with Uncle Frank…Mark…Derek…make sure he doesn't hurt his back. Rob, go with your wife, you've been …just go with your wife," she said dismissively, making the married couple smile. "I've got to find out what all the zoo talk around here is about."

"Good luck," Mark chuckled. "Grey's very private."

"She's a Maloney now too," Mary told him, "she'll learn soon enough. Now, the two of you…Cristina and Lexie…tell me about yourselves."

"You mean," Cristina said, "you don't already know?"

"Hard core," Mary laughed, "that's what Pat said. Carolyn…they fall the hardest."

"They certainly do," Carolyn agreed, while Meredith smiled.

When the kitchen was back to its pre-breakfast status, the women helped Carolyn set things up for the post baptismal celebration. "Carolyn," Mary said, "stop fussing…that tablecloth is impeccably ironed…Meredith…she spent I don't know how long ironing it the first time you were visiting…and now…let it be Carolyn…it's beautiful as it is…"

"It's…" Carolyn said, momentarily overcome with emotions, "it's…my granddaughter's…baptism…and…I can fuss all I want," she just shook her head, while her sister was at her side immediately, hugging her.

"I'm sorry…Ailene," the sisters revered to the much loved Irish grandmother's name, "I am…I know you want it to be perfect…and it is," their eyes met, "and I know…you miss him…after all these years…I don't know how you do it…but your family is Blessed…so Blessed…"

"I know," Carolyn sniffled, giving in to vulnerability in front of others did not happen often. "I know," and Meredith's arms replaced Mary's.

"I love you Mom," Meredith hugged her mother in law, and marveled at the love this woman offered her, marveled at what she'd done to deserve her, and as very few times in her life, though they were becoming increasingly frequent now, felt the genuine affection of a motherly hug.

"I love you too sweetheart," Carolyn hugged Meredith back.

"Did you hear," Meredith whispered, "last night…did you…"

"I did," Carolyn took a deep breath, "my Irish…" she said first, "and the giggles of your angel…" and the women remained briefly in their embrace, and the others were equally sentimental, as the Shepherd's familial ties continued to grow.

Baptisms were always special Shepherd and Maloney family occasions; devoutly Catholic, the matriarchs ensured traditions and faith were passed on from generation to generation. The littlest Shepherd descendant was dressed in the same white baptismal gown all her cousins, aunts, her mother, her grandmother and her sisters had worn. Irish linen with fine handmade lace adorned the heirloom gown and bonnet once handcrafted by a loving grandmother awaiting the birth of her first grandchild.

"You look beautiful," Derek touched Meredith's face lovingly, kissing her softly.

"You look very handsome yourself," she told him, kissing him back.

"You're trying to flirt with me," he teased her, as he pulled her into him, "trying to talk me into another quickie…"

"Uhmm…" Meredith teased back, "I don't remember a quickie," she smiled thinking about their lovemaking, "must have been that hussy…Dr. Grey…"

"Uhmmm…maybe it was…she's always…"

"You better," Meredith narrowed her eyes at him, "think before you talk, Shepherd, you're not doing real well with that today," she said, and was engulfed in his embrace as their laughter echoed through the room.

"Mom...Dad…" Cristina and Lexie who were walking by their door laughed, and Cristina knocked on the door, "no candy…"

"Maggie is never going to live it down," Meredith laughed, and allowed herself to get lost in his kiss, his caresses.

"We," Derek said, "are never going to live this down," he said.

"I can see," she pressed herself against him, seductively, "and feel…"

"Tease…" he kissed her again, "not nice Mer…"

"Derek," she pulled away, "I really….really want you…"

"Mer…" he took a deep breath, "that's …fuck…that's not making this any…"

"But…if you embarrass me with bed hair…in front of all our family and at church…you're dead…"

"You can brush your hair…" he raised an eyebrow playfully. "Before we go."

"Derek, Meredith," Carolyn knocked on their door, "we need to leave here in five minutes."

"She's lying," he chuckled.

"Derek…she doesn't lie…" Meredith defended his mother.

"Wanna bet?"

"No," she brushed his lips once more, "let me put lipstick on."

"Mer…" he reached for her and hugged her, "I love you…"

"I love you too…"

"And…I love…when you wear dresses, this is new…total turn on…your legs…just looking at them…make me want to…"

"Later," she smiled; she knew he'd like the dress, a deep shade of indigo that discreetly and elegantly emphasized her every curve, "much later…"

There were well over one hundred family members attending the private baptism ceremony scheduled for one o'clock and presided by Father Dennison, who was introduced to the godparents, who were technically not…but rather Christian witnesses.

"Dear Friends…and family…as I feel like part of this family," Father Dennison began at the main entrance of the church, as he followed the age old tradition of the baptismal celebration beginning outside the main church doors symbolizing the child was not yet a member of the Church. "It give me such pleasure to be here today…as we welcome to the Christian Family of our Church the newest Shepherd grandchild, and I am honored to be officiating this very special ceremony as I have done for her mother and sisters…and all the Shepherd children," he continued with the prayers and in minutes had reached the altar where Kerry's parents, Meredith and Derek stood together, and the ceremony continued until it was time to approach the baptismal font, where Jenna placed the baby in her Aunt Patricia's arms, the official godmother in the catholic ceremony as Derek placed his hand on the small of Meredith's back; the priest continued by removing his purple stole ad replacing it with one in white.

"Derek, Meredith," the priest spoke quietly, breaking some of the rules, "place your right hands on the baby's shoulder," as this was reserved for official godparents, but neither Meredith or Derek technically qualified, hence Patricia was the official godmother, something recently accepted, as in the past members of orders could not act as such.

"I baptize you in the name of the Father," Father Dennison poured water over Kerry's head as she whimpered, and this would be repeated three times, "and of the Son," she cried loudly, "and of the Holy Spirit," she wailed.

"Oh oh…" Meghan's whisper to Carolyn in the front pew was heard by all, and laughter followed, "tolds you Granma…Kerry don't like cold water on her head…"

The baby was not to be appeased, and her screams grew louder, making Meredith's eyes water and shift from one foot to the other.

"Meredith," Father Dennison said smiling at the distraught godmother, "take her…"

"But…" Meredith said, "I'm …I…"

"Child," Father Dennison smiled fondly at her, "you are her Godmother…for all intents and purposes," and Patricia placed the baby in Meredith's arms, forcing Derek to swallow past the lump in his throat; Rob kissed the top of Jenna's head as she cried; Patricia smiled at the old family friend and priest, and Kerry Beatrice now safely snuggled in her godmother's arms, was soothed by tender loving words and quieted down, as Father Dennison first placed a white cloth on her head and then Derek accepted and passed on to her parents the candle that was lit representing Christ as the "true light" and officially welcoming its newest member of the Catholic Family.

"Granma," Meghan whispered, as she sat on her grandmother's lap, Katie at her side, and Rob's mother smiling beside her, " we gets to go there now…Mommy said…and take photos with my baby sister…"

"Yes," Carolyn said, "you do, and we get to take pictures of this very special day for Kerry Beatrice."

"And her godparents… see Granma," Meghan smiled at her grandmother, the innocence of childhood making Carolyn smile and close her eyes briefly, "I learn real good…I remember…cause we're in baby Jesus' house…right Granma…and he loves all the little children…but we gets godparents…cause of God can't take care us of all the time…cause he gots lots and lots of children to take care of…"

"Granma," Emma who was sitting on her other side, reached for her grandmother's hand at that moment, "Granpa is happy…cause he's with us…I bet he's smiling…right now."

Carolyn never failed to be overcome by emotions by the unequaled sensitivity of this beautiful child, Kathleen's youngest, "yes, Emma, he is…happy and smiling right now."

Kathleen sniffled as she heard her daughter in the pew in front of her and Kevin kissed her cheek lovingly, as he squeezed her hand, "he's always with you Kathleen…always looking out for his princess," he used the name always used by her father, "and our children."

"He loved you," Kathleen said quietly, remembering the first day she'd brought Kevin home.

"I loved him too," Kevin said. "He let me take care of you…trusted me with you…"

"At three," Kathleen smiled, "he knew…"

"He knew…" Kevin smiled at her, "you'd be my soul mate."

"Like Mommy and Daddy," Kathleen said.

"Just like them," Kevin pulled Kathleen closer to him, and neither noticed the teary eyes on their daughter's faces as Allie and Laura exchanged smiles.

"We love you Granpa," Allie said silently, as she looked up to the altar, "thanks for looking out for us," and the peaceful joy and happiness of promises destined to be fulfilled were one more gift bestowed on the Shepherd family.

Carolyn Shepherd smiled and would forever believe she'd heard, "I love you Irish…I'm so proud of you…and our family," and then music filled the air, and the choir that had joined in earlier song was silent to hear the voice of an angel, as their granddaughter, Caroline Nicole, began a flawless rendition of the age old Shubert favorite at most any Catholic Ceremony, "Ave Maria… Gratia plena…Maria, gratia plena…"

_A/N 1/18/11 – The last paragraph was written and dedicated to my Maternal Grandmother, my moral compass, the first person to teach me about the so very hard concept of One God…three persons…Father, Son and Holy Spirit, which we ultimately accept on faith, and as mentioned in this chapter, she was the Matriarch that passed on Catholic traditions and deep unfaltering faith. Hope no one is offended by this very personal statement._


	224. Chapter 224

_A/N 2/22/11 – Thanks to all of you that commented on the last chapter, the interest in this story is definitely dwindling, though it had more views than past chapters, the comments were half, and those results lead to thinking about ending it quickly. But, as reader, I'd be a bit annoyed if after 200 chapters plus, the author ended with an abrupt epilogue. So…for the few of you that continue to express interest…I'm going to stay on course and that means the trip East has one more part…before getting them back to Seattle. _

_One of my pet peeves about GA is the lack of continuity and dropped story lines, that even their writers seem to forget, after all, a recent blog had the writer refer to Mark's granddaughter …do they watch the same show that we do? Anyway, so I may tend to over do it in trying to make sure nothing has been mentioned that is not at some point wrapped up._

_This was a really difficult chapter to write, as much as I don't want current Grey's to interfere, my enthusiasm for the show is waning, as I don't see the hope of Meredith and Derek ever having their own child, having said that…I'm trying to move this particular story along in the exact opposite direction._

_I'm not sure how I feel about this chapter, but rather than continue waiting, will post what I have, and share that an edit of one particular scene(hint E.S.) actually had me eliminating almost half of it, feeling it was too much family! But, for those of you (especially Lourdi) who asked about Molly and if Meredith would see her, I felt those scenes needed at the very least what I have written, almost like equal screen time for the Grey sisters. _

_I'd welcome your comments in regard to the story, if you are interested in reading more, if you'd prefer wrapping up quickly and bringing it to an end; if you're bored with it...good or bad, your comments do make a difference. Thanks for reading…and sticking with me through this long…family visit…which I promise will come to an end with the next chapter, and it's my intent to post it by next weekend. Warm regards, Jasmin _

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 8**_

_**Our first…Godchild's Baptism…a joyous family celebration – Part 2 of 3**_

Arranging for family photographs at the church was every bit as chaotic as could be expected with over one hundred family members in attendance, though while there, they would include only Jenna's family, godparents, two grandmothers and one special shot with Derek's sisters each holding the baby, and of course, several of Kerry Beatrice with Meredith and Derek. There were many little ones impatient to get home, or rather to the festivities at Carolyn's, thus the well-rehearsed event had the Shepherd sons in law leading the crowd to Carolyn's, while Grace and Charles followed to act as hosts until the immediate family arrived at home.

Mark and Lexie left immediately after the baptism concluded to meet Molly and Laura at the train station, which had been coordinated to avoid her driving due to the anticipated snow fall during the late afternoon and evening.

"Caroline," Meredith approached Nancy's twelve year old, "well…I'm not sure what to call you, since I keep hearing both names."

"I'm like Granma," the young singer smiled. "I use both names, but everyone calls me Nicole or Nikki…to avoid confusion, but I love having her name."

"Caroline," Meredith told her, "it's a beautiful name."

"It's ok…Aunt Meredith, Nicole or Nikki is fine…"

"Nicole," Meredith smiled at her. "I'm happy I got to hear you sing, you have the most beautiful voice…like an angel…"

"Thank you," Nicole said shyly, surprising Meredith. "Granma loves for me to sing that song…and it's appropriate at almost any celebration or ceremony in church."

"I thought it was perfect, even if I don't really know the words…"

"You're not Catholic; it's the Hail Mary…"

"I did know that," Meredith told her, "but…I barely learned the Our Father."

"Our Granpa," Nicole told her, "he used to sing only two songs in the choir, Ave Maria because it was one of Granma's favorite…and How Great Thou Art…they're two of my favorites too."

"I didn't know that about your grandfather," Meredith told her and turned as Derek joined them, "thank you for sharing that with me."

"Uncle Derek," Nicole hugged him, "Mom said you might come for lunch tomorrow…so Granma can get a break …since we've had three days of celebrations."

"I think," Derek smiled at his niece, "that's a great idea."

"Aunt Meredith," Nicole said quietly, as they were now waiting for the last family shot with Rob's sisters before she could actually get to hold Kerry and have a photo as well, a special day for both granddaughters. "I only know Catholic traditions, but I was thinking…when you and Uncle Derek have a baby…if you celebrate with the godparents, I can sing a special song for the baby…even if it's not here…since you may have other traditions..."

Meredith's eyes watered and she leaned over and kissed Nicole's cheek. "You're lovely and thoughtful. My mom didn't really have a lot of traditions about this," she shared, "but when we have a baby or babies…I want for them to enjoy all the Shepherd family ones…"

Nicole giggled, "it's more like Maloney traditions…"

"I've noticed," Meredith smiled. "Nicole, nothing would make me happier than for you to sing…when we baptize our babies…thank you…that will be a wonderful gift for them and us," she said, as she reached for Derek's hand.

"You know," Nicole said, "it's not very cool," she laughed, "to be sentimental at Thanksgiving dinner…and then get teased by the boys…but, I've thought about it…and I want you to know I'm thankful that Uncle Derek is spending time with us again…we know it's because of you…and Granma hasn't been this happy at Thanksgiving in a long time."

"Well," Meredith said, and felt Derek's support as he placed his arm around her waist drawing her close to him, "I'm thankful too…to be part of your family."

"Uncle Derek," the young girl smiled, "can I say something…but …I'm not being disrespectful…just being honest…"

Derek braced himself for what she may say and Meredith felt him tense slightly. "If," he cleared his throat, "you think it's disrespectful…then…"

"Nicole," Meredith soothed, "given that smile of yours…I don't think it's anything too bad…and if it is," she surprised herself at the level of ease she felt with his family, "we'll just have to pull your ear."

"Well," her smiled broaden. "Uncle Derek…I don't think you're brainless…I think you were very smart…in marrying Meredith…"

"Nicole," Meredith grinned. "I think he was very smart too…but…calling him brainless isn't disrespectful…it's the truth," she smiled at him, "sometimes…"

"Funny Mer," Derek teased, "and you…" he pointed at his niece, "smart aleck, think it's disrespectful to call me brainless…yet, don't think it's disrespectful to call Meredith by her first name."

"Derek," Meredith interceded, "she has not been disrespectful at all…so don't even tease her about it" she defended the sensitive girl whose eyes had watered.

"I didn't mean anything by that," Nicole said, her expression suddenly sad, and Meredith reacted immediately.

"I know," Meredith reassured, "and you met me when you were much older…and I understand if it's strange to start calling me Aunt Meredith now."

"Oh no," Nicole told her, "it's not that, I was just telling a story and you weren't our aunt before, but you are now…and all the cousins…like you a lot…"

"Nicole," Derek started to say, "I wasn't mad…just," but was interrupted by his wife.

"Derek," Meredith said, "quit while you're ahead…"

"Uncle Derek," Nicole, who adored him, hugged him as she felt his acceptance once again. "You know the little ones are loved her the minute they met her…we all kind of do already…even the boys have a crush on her."

"What," Derek said louder than appropriate and heard a hush order from his Aunt Patricia, "she's their aunt…they're not supposed to have a crush on her…"

Meredith wanted to giggle and for a moment met Nicole's gaze.

"Uncle Derek…chill…" she rolled her eyes, "it's normal," she said in a very mature tone, "I'm sure you had crushes on older women…"

"Ok," Meredith did giggle at that point, "not sure I like the older bit …" and all three of them laughed, earning yet another reprimand from one of the Maloney matriarchs.

Chaos, Meredith thought as she stood in Carolyn's foyer. Delightful, heartwarming, loving chaos was the best definition for the hours that ensued in celebration of Kerry Beatrice's baptism.

"This," Meredith turned to Derek and smiled as he opened his arms to embrace her, "is what I want for our children…a joyous family celebration."

"Ok," Aunt Mary joined them. "I can see the stories I've been told are true…mcdreamied is it? Behave you two…it will be hours before you can escape for any intimate…"

"Aunt Mary," Meredith joked, "I hope…" she joked, "when Derek and I have been married as long as you have…we still enjoy…plenty of candy."

"Sweetie," Mary said, "trust me. Things will change, but, we've not been put out to pasture yet."

"Corrupting the younger generation again," Mary's husband said as he joined them, and all four adults chuckled.

"Uncle Frank," Derek said, "I trust you're keeping an eye on any of Mom's…buddies."

"By God," Frank laughed, "Mary…he hasn't lost his sense of humor, which according to Kevin you did when you heard about Carolyn traveling with a man."

"This family," Derek shook his head and chuckled, "has got to be the most gossipy, meddling..."

"Caring," Frank interrupted him, "warm, sentimental and blessed family…in the world, don't ever forget it," his uncle told him.

"Uncle Frank," Derek pursed his lips and then smiled fondly at the man that been a male role figure, though never intrusive, always looking out for them. "Don't ever let me forget it...again."

"Not on your life," Frank told him. "If I'd had my way, we'd have been in Seattle the minute you cut off communication. But, the Maloney trio wouldn't let me. It took you not showing up for the holidays, before sending Nancy out, not that I was in favor of that."

"Meredith," Mary smiled at her husband, "he was a keeper…the first time I saw him."

"I wasn't quite sure," Meredith joked, "if Derek was a keeper…that first time…"

"Mer," Derek said, "are you trying to really hurt my ego today?"

"Impossible," his Aunt Mary said. "You're much too cocky and arrogant.

"Derek," Frank said before walking away with his wife. "Don't ever put your mother through that again," and Derek nodded his commitment.

"Derek," Meredith put his arm around his waist. "You know I'm teasing you…right?"

"I know," he smiled and brushed her lips.

"Aunty M," Meghan ran up to her, followed by her sister Katie. "I see Doctor Lexie and Doctor Mark they gots to park their car at the house after Granpa Charles' house cause of we gots so many cars at Granma's and I see a little girl …do they have a little girl Aunty M? Cause of why they didn't bring her to Turkey dinner…she's more little than me…"

"No sweetie," Meredith spoke to her, "they went to the train station to meet Lexie's sister…and she has a little girl, and you're right she's younger than you."

"Aunty M," Katie turned her head slightly, pausing to think, "Dr. Lexie has a sister…and she has a little girl…but…Doctor Lexie is your sister so you have another sister, but you didn't say that?"

"Katie," one of the handful of younger cousins called out, "we's waiting for you to play," and the older child followed the young boy.

"Aunty M," Meghan had been following the conversation closely, "cause of why the little girl's mommy not be your sister…cause Katie and Kerry they be my sisters…"

"Out of the mouth of babes," Derek chuckled.

"Shut up…." Meredith elbowed him.

"Oh oh…Aunty M," Meghan shook her head, "that's not nice."

"No sweetie," Meredith bent down to kiss her cheek, "it's not…but Uncle Derek and I are just joking…ok?"

"Ok," Meghan said. "Mommy and Daddy…and Aunty Kat and Uncle Kevin…" on she went about every couple, "they say that too…but it's confusing…cause joking is when you laugh."

Derek looked at Meredith and winked, "lots of practice…"

"What you gonna practice Uncle D?" Meghan's curiosity was on full alert.

Derek swung her up in his arms, making her giggle, "I'm _gonna_ practice how to tell jokes that make you laugh."

"You mean," Meghan giggled, "like knock knock…"

"Speaking of knock knock," Derek said as the doorbell rang.

"Uncle D," Meghan giggled in his arms as he and Meredith walked to the door, "you're silly…that's the doorbell."

"Shep," Mark stood behind Molly and Lexie, "move aside I'm freezing my…"

"He's right Derek," Meredith said, "Molly…Lex…come on in…"

Molly held her bundled up daughter, only the toddler's face showing.

"Molly," Derek said, "welcome…I've been looking forward to meeting you."

"I've been looking forward to meeting you too," Molly smiled. "Lexie has said a lot of nice things about you."

"Molly," Meredith said, "I'm glad you could make it…I know it was short notice…"

"Thank you," Molly said, "for thinking of it."

"Laura," Lexie said after Mark had helped with her coat, "can I hold you, so Mommy can take off her coat?"

The little girl held on to her mother in response.

"It's ok, Laura," Molly said, "you know she's your Aunt Lexie…you talk to her on the phone all the time."

"Aunty M," Meghan asked, "do you talks to her on the phone too? Like Kerry and Katie and Emma…and …"

"You know what," Derek told his niece, "why don't you go and tell Granma that Molly and Laura are here."

"I wants to stay with you," Meghan told him, "and my Aunty M," he noticed the possessiveness.

"Here you are," one of Rob's sisters, who'd just walked by after chasing two young boys, interrupted. "Meggie," she lifted the young child, "Nana and Granpa are looking for you…"

"But," Meghan said, making them all smile, "she's little," she looked at Laura, "and she needs a friend to play with."

"You can be back," Rob's sister promised before walking away.

"Meredith," Molly said quietly, "I need to change her, can I…"

"Mer," Maggie called out from the kitchen door, "Aunt Mary wants me to find you."

"Lexie," Meredith said, "will you take her up to our room."

"I'll take her to mine," Lexie smiled.

"Show her ours, she'll have the privacy of the bathroom there too…I'll be back in a few minutes. Molly, please feel at home," she was definitely learning from Carolyn, she thought for a second. "If she needs to nap…lay her on our bed, or we can find a portable bed…there's enough little ones around," then made her way to see Derek's aunt, who wanted to introduce her to the rest of her family.

"So," Mary said, "you've now met our brood…who contrary to the obvious favoritism," one of her daughters rolled her eyes, "toward Pat and Carolyn's children, somehow managed to remain close to the all their cousins," and the two other sisters laughed at the ongoing family joke.

"Don't believe a word of it," one of Mary's daughters said. "Aunt Pat and Aunt Carolyn lived next door to each other, but summers and holidays we all spent together…and our memories are priceless. Welcome to the family Meredith, we're heard nothing but good things about you," she winked, "except Kathleen's initial…gossip…"

"You know about that?" Meredith asked and looked around, as they were surrounded by guests all engaged in their own groups and conversations, "the ….intern…"

"Meredith," Mary's daughter said, "these three old…"

"You are calling us old," Pat interrupted her niece.

"Why not," she shrugged, "you are and…you're nosy gossips too…"

"Well," Patricia said in mock offense, repeating much as she did with both sisters' kids, "Mary, you've very impertinent children," and all three sisters laughed; their relationship, undoubtedly the closest within the Maloney five siblings.

"Meredith," the older cousin, likely Kathleen's age, said, "don't let them fool you…they meet once a week and…tell each other everything."

Meredith felt Derek's gentle caress on her back, reassuring; she briefly glanced over to Carolyn and Pat, their gazes reassuring her too, that some secrets were only hers to reveal.

"Aunt Mary," Derek chuckled, "surely you're not allowing them to call you old…"

"Mary," Meredith heard an unfamiliar voice, "you'd think on a day like today you could refrain from using obscenities."

"Told you," Mary whispered to Meredith, "Shepherd side of the family. Obscenities," Mary repeated. "Elizabeth get that stick out of your…"

"Mary," Carolyn interceded, "it's my goddaughter's baptism day, behave."

"Oh for crying out loud, Elizabeth," Mary went on; Patricia sharing a smirk with her nieces, "it's been over fifty years since you've known me. Lighten up already."

"Lighten up," Meredith whispered to Derek, "that's where you get the uptight broodiness."

"You're mocking me," he whispered back.

"Derek," his father's sister addressed him. "You haven't properly introduced your new wife to our family."

"Aunt Elizabeth," he ignored the expected criticism, "this is my wife Meredith."

"Derek's talked a lot about you," Meredith lied. "I'm glad we've had a chance to meet."

"I imagine," the Shepherd aunt said, "you're working on getting your marriage annulled, so you can have a proper wedding."

"The real Aunt Margaret," Meredith mumbled, and Derek drew her closer to him, murmuring in response, "uhmmm."

"Your father," Elizabeth said shaking her head in what appeared to be disapproval, "would expect that of you…and I expect you'd like for him to be proud…"

"My husband," Carolyn interjected, "your brother, would support our children in everything, and I know he is very proud of all his children. Don't ever question it," she stated, effectively bringing that conversation to an end; her sister in law walking away.

"Meredith," Mary's daughter who was still there said, "let me fill you in on what that is all about," and quickly spun her tale before Meredith went to check on Molly, as she concluded. "She's actually the Shepherd snob and black sheep, well, was …" she teased, "till Derek left the east coast and went to live in forty acres of wilderness,"

"Meredith," Elizabeth Shepherd's voice stopped her from continuing up the stairs. "I'd like you to meet Albert; you may remember he is the deacon at church."

"I…well…." Meredith didn't know how to react to the woman talking to her, not after what she'd just heard, "it's a lot of people…and I don't…usually…I mean…"

"Albert," the older woman stopped Meredith's ramble, "as you know, this is Derek's wife," she paused as the young woman shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the other. "They told you," it dawned on her, "that he's my lover. Didn't they?"

Meredith was speechless, the deacon, a kind looking older man with silver hair smiled.

"You wouldn't be a good poker player," the man said. "You face reveals all."

"They didn't…I mean," Meredith said just as Derek joined her.

"Here you are," Derek put his arm on her hip, "did you check on Molly?"

"Derek Christopher," his aunt said somewhat sternly, "I understand your wife has been made to believe Albert and I are carrying on an illicit love affair."

"It would appear that way," Derek smiled at the man Meredith had seen enfold Derek in an affectionate bear hug while they waited for the baptism ceremony to begin.

"Meredith," his aunt said, "you've been spending far too much time with Carolyn's side of the family. On your next visit, I expect you will spend some time with us. Derek, I won't accept any excuses."

"We'll make a point of it," Derek told her.

"Meredith, there's always two sides to a story. I will fill you in on what you don't already know about the Shepherd's and especially the Maloney's."

"Elizabeth," the deacon warned.

"Dear," Elizabeth spoke to the man affectionately, "she already knows we're lovers…may as well tell her about the illegitimate children."

Meredith was speechless. Derek shook his head and chuckled.

"Derek," his aunt called out before Meredith and Derek ascended the stairs, "make sure you introduce Meredith to my children, before the day is out."

"It's a soap opera," Meredith turned to him, "your family is a freaking soap opera, and you don't warn me."

"I forget."

"How the hell can you forget," she turned to him. "Pat's tame compared to Mary and Elizabeth…and what else is there…do you have escaped convicts and …clowns and….jugglers…to add to my crappy genes…"

"No dear," he said as they reach the last step. "But, I think there may be a circus fire eating performer and rumors of a vampire…"

"Ass…" she said, but the effect was lost as he cocked his head and she giggled, and threw her arms around his neck and kissed him soundly.

"It's a good thing, there are no kids around to hear you," he kissed her back, nibbling her lower lip, "and…there's nothing wrong with being a juggler…"

"Or a vampire," she said after he gently nipped her neck.

"Or," he said, "lion tamers," she moaned in response as his lips found hers.

"You're a vampire," Meredith stiffened in his arms as she saw the look of excitement on the face of boy no older than eight, "wow…wait till I tell Mom," and then raced down the stairs with another two partners in crime, "otherwise…all that kissing is gross."

"Oh God," Derek moaned.

"What…"

"You just met Aunt Pat's grandson, Aunt Mary's granddaughter and Aunt Elizabeth's grandson, the news will be all over before we know it," and they both burst out laughing.

"Mer," Lexie peaked out from the ajar bedroom door, "Laura fell asleep, so…we just stayed her…catching up…you said it would be ok…she's just waking up."

"Lexie," Meredith said, "it's fine…I wanted to make sure everything was ok."

"It's fine," Lexie said, though Meredith could see she'd been crying.

"Lex…"

"I'm ok," she assured her sister, "it's….been emotional," she sniffled, "I haven't seen Molly since Mom died…"

"I know," Meredith was sympathetic, and feeling a bit emotional as well she reached for Lexie's hand, squeezing it gently.

Neither Meredith or Derek were ready for the sight that met them when they entered their room, and found a little girl snuggled up to her mother, the last traces of a nap wearing off; a little girl that looked almost identical to Meredith's at that age.

"Mer," Derek whispered, his hand on her back as a soft gasp escaped her. "She looks just like you…your photos…"

"He didn't know it was me," she said of her father's comment at the only dinner shared in his old home, "that night…but…she does…look like me…"

"Mamma," Laura snuggled closer to Molly, "home…"

"No baby," Laura said gently, "we're going to spend the day here…and there's lots boys and girls for you to play with…and spend time with Aunt Lexie…and Aunt Meredith," she said, and shyly looked for approval from her older sister.

"Hi, Laura," Meredith approached the bed, Derek keeping his distance. "I'm so happy to see you. You're such a pretty girl…and you know," another leap into the realm of familial bonds, she sat next to Molly. "Your Uncle Derek…and I…we have a gift for you," and Derek was filled with pride, in awe of the woman he loved; he'd known nothing about it till earlier that morning.

Lexie looked at Meredith and smiled. Her sister may not have done families before, but she was becoming an expert at it now.

"You brought a gift," Molly spoke quietly, "you didn't need to…it wasn't necessary."

"She's my niece, Molly. When I first met Derek's nieces and nephews, we brought gifts," she smiled, Molly relaxing. "Laura," Meredith said, "was my first niece," and Derek saw Lexie turn away and wipe away a tear.

"Mamma," Laura looked up at her mother, "toy?"

Meredith smiled at the small child, "I think that means you want to see your gift."

"I'll get it," Derek said, and when he walked back, squatted to be at eye level with the toddler. "Hi Laura, your Aunt Meredith wanted you to have a special gift, because she hasn't seen you in a long time…since you were just a tiny baby."

"Me…no baby…" Laura told him.

"No you're not," he agreed. "You're a beautiful little girl…that looks so much like your Aunt Meredith," he met Molly's gaze, found a kind and warm receptiveness.

"Do you want to open your gifts," Meredith asked her, as the toddler was now sitting on her mother's lap, the need to snuggle with her a bit less important.

"Mamma…" she turned to Molly.

"You can open them," Molly told her, "what do you say when you get a gift?"

"Tank you…"

"You're welcome," Meredith smiled, handing her the first wrapped box and unlike most other kids she'd seen rip paper apart, Laura looked up to her and said, "pwetty," as she looked at the colorful paper, and Meredith felt her heart skip a beat; tiny seeds of love blossoming for the child she helped deliver, her niece, as the toddler carefully worked at unwrapping the paper without tearing.

"She does that," Molly said, "she's very meticulous and careful with her things…you usually see kids just rip at the paper."

"That," Lexie said, "is because she sees you being like that…she's like Mom…"

"She is," Molly smiled, "but she looks like Meredith…much more than me."

"Mamma," the little girl exclaimed, "Elmo…"

"I heard…that all kids that age like Elmo…and maybe she has it, you can return it…I made sure it was from someplace you could do that," Meredith rambled.

"She doesn't have one," Molly said of the Sesame Street Laptop. "It's perfect."

"Mamma…Daddy…fix," Laura said when pushing the buttons did nothing.

"Daddy's not here," Molly said, "but I bet Uncle Derek would fix it."

"No…Daddy…fix…" the little girl insisted.

"Laura," Molly told her, "Daddy's not here, but when he's home he'll play with you, but now, let Uncle Derek fix it for you."

"You fix," she looked up at Derek, "pease…"

"I will," Derek told her and began removing the cardboard box around it.

"Mamma…no fix?" Laura asked, when it took more than just placing the batteries Meredith had included to get the electronic toy working.

"I think" Meredith laughed at his frustration and the little girl smiled, "we should open the other gift," and Laura went through the same dainty process.

"Mamma…look..." Laura cuddled the doll, "baby…" she cuddled the doll and looked at the additional items that came with it, thermometer, medicine bottle, measuring spoon and box of tissues. Then, Meredith showed her what happened if she squeezed the doll's tummy and heart the sneeze, and she looked up at her mother first and then to Meredith, "oh oh…baby boo boo."

"The baby has a cold," Meredith told her, "and she's sneezing."

"Lexie," Laura looked up and held the thermometer toward her, "fix?"

Lexie sat on the other side of Molly, "Laura, you know who can fix her better?"

The little girl shook her head, "you doctor…help boo boo…"

"Yes, but…Meredith is a doctor too and she fixes baby boo boos all the time."

"Fix boo boo… pease," Laura handed Meredith the medicine bottle.

"We can," Meredith smiled and took the spoon, each adult occupied with their own thoughts or tasks to notice the small visitor that had walked through the half open door.

"Aunty M," Meghan looked at the wrapping paper, "she gots presents," her eyes watered like Jenna's, almost on cue, "cause of she's your favowite…and you was there when she was born…I go…now…cause you not going to love me no more…"

Meredith was torn between not ignoring Laura and comforting Meghan, "Meghan, of course I'm going to love you…and you can help me make Laura's baby feel all better," she handed her the spoon and took the medicine bottle, pouring the make believe remedy onto it, "do you want to give that to her baby?"

"I can plays with her?" Meghan asked reluctantly, sharing Meredith not to her liking.

"Of course you can," Meredith guided Meghan's hand toward the doll's mouth.

"Fix boo boo…" Laura smiled at Meredith.

"All better," Meredith replied.

"All better," Laura mimicked, hugging the doll.

Meredith lifted Meghan to her lap, "Laura," Meredith smiled at her niece, "this is Meghan…and she wants to play with you…would you like to play with her?"

"Mamma…pay?"

"Wouldn't you like to play with Meghan…she can help you take care of the baby," she smiled as she looked over at Derek's frustrated expression trying to get Elmo's laptop to work, "Meghan," she addressed the older child, "I bet you could help your Uncle Derek get that to work."

"Uncle Derek is bwain surgeon…right Aunty M… he can make it work."

"I bet," Meredith tried to keep from laughing, "he could use your help."

"I help…and I show Laura…ok Aunty M?"

"Ok," Meredith smiled and hugged her. "I love you Meggie…very much."

"But she gots presents…"

"Yes, Laura got presents just like you did when we first came to visit, do you remember that?" Meredith asked her.

"Uh huh…" Meghan answered.

"I haven't seen Laura in a very long time, so she got presents today, that doesn't mean I don't love you."

"Cause of she's a baby…and her Mommy is your baby sister…"

"Yes," Meredith sighed, "her Mommy is my baby sister…"

"I love you Aunty M…I help Uncle Derek," Meredith placed her on the floor and she went around the bed and got the computer to work within seconds.

"Wuv baby," Laura looked at Meredith and kissed her doll.

"Yes," Meredith smiled and testing the waters leaned over and kissed the dolls cheek, then her niece's cheek.

Laura kissed her back; another tiny seed planted in Meredith's heart, feelings she'd never expected almost nineteen months before; feelings she'd rejected for two sisters she'd known nothing about; relationships she'd wanted nothing do with turned into the one with Lexie she couldn't imagine being without, and now this dainty adorable girl, she envisioned would always be a part of her life.

"Mama, ook…Elmo," Laura cried out excitedly as she saw Elmo's eyes move left to right when a button was pressed, "pay…"

"Yes," Molly told her, "you can play…will you go with Meghan and Uncle Derek?"

"You pay?" Laura asked.

"I'll play with you at home, but Mommy wants to talk to Aunt Meredith and Aunt Lexie for a little while…they're Mommy's sisters…and I haven't seen them in a long time," she spoke to the toddler as though she understood all that was going on.

"Me pay…baby…girl…"

"Yes, you play with your baby and Meghan, she's a little girl…"

"Daddy pay…" she looked over to Derek.

"Daddy's at work…far away," Molly spoke tenderly, "but when Daddy is back…he's going to love to play with you…but now…"

"Laura," Derek stepped in, "can I play with you," he pressed another of Elmo's button's, getting her attention, "and Meghan…would you like that…" and Meredith saw the doubts in the toddler's expression, until the next musical sound was heard, and she allowed Derek to take her from her mother and walked over to the hall.

"Stay…Mamma…"

"We'll be right here," Derek opened the door wide, both girls sitting on the hallway floor, providing a bit of a distance between his wife and her sisters and Meghan's ears.

"Meredith," Molly said quietly, the youngest of the three women sitting on the bed, an older sister on each side. "Thank you for being so thoughtful…

"She's my niece," Meredith said simply, and with those word followed by Molly's began the first of future familial bonds between Thatcher Grey's three daughters; ties that would last beyond their lifetime.

"Meredith," Molly spoke quietly again, "there are no words to tell you," she paused, her words genuine and heartfelt, "how very sorry I am…for what happened the last time I saw you," she referred to the day of her mother's funeral when their drunken father had once again brought unbearable heartache to Meredith's life.

Meredith took a deep breath before speaking. "I've learned…or I'm learning…that we can't be responsible for his actions…only for our own…Lexie's already part of my life…I don't want to let the past dictate my future…I have two sisters," she smiled, "one I know very little about…well I know about you…since Lexie talks, but I don't know you…and now Laura…she's my niece and I helped deliver her…she's was a fighter…right from the start…I'm not avoiding it…my family…not anymore…"

Lexie sniffled, Molly's eyes watered slightly as did Meredith's.

Molly smiled softly. "Mom was right, you and Lex ramble exactly alike."

"I was very fond of your mother," Meredith repeated what she'd said to Lexie, what seemed like a lifetime ago, words that once more bridged the emotional distance.

"You're very generous and forgiving," the youngest sister smiled and briefly, if hesitantly, reached to gently squeeze her oldest sister's hand. "Mom loved you and wanted us to know each other. Meredith, she would have wanted you there."

Over the next half hour Molly and Meredith learned just a bit more about each other; how surprised Meredith was that Laura already understood Lexie was a doctor, and Molly explained she had pictures of Lexie graduating and then in her scrubs and that she seemed interested in always fixing boo-boos, and they laughed that she'd be the first doctor of the next generation.

Every so often Laura would walk to the door and make sure her Mamma was there and would continue playing, while the sisters would smile at the girlish giggles heard followed by Derek's laughter as his three year old niece would set him straight on the functions of Elmo's laptop.

"Uncle D, you're so silly."

"So silly," Laura mimicked her new friend's comments, and Meredith's heart continued to heal; family, she would think at the end of the day, she too had a family now, her children would know both sides of their family.

The rest of the afternoon provided a chance for Derek to introduce Meredith to most of the adult members of the family, and by early evening, all but the closest remained, and that included Carolyn's children and grandchildren, Granpa Charles and Nanas Grace and Alice, and undoubtedly Patricia and Mary.

"Carolyn," Mary hugged her sister, "it's been such a lovely day…"

"It has," Carolyn agreed, "having everyone here to celebrate this little one's baptism," as she held Kerry in her arms.

"I hear," Mary smiled as she kissed the sleeping baby's forehead, "you've got another six to look forward to."

"Some for you as well," Carolyn smiled. "Did she tell you that?"

"She did," Mary shared with her sister, "she rarely does this, give in to her gift."

"Hasn't always been good that way," Carolyn told her, "just like Mom…"

"This time," Mary said, "she told me she wanted to share those glimpses of blessings…"

"And they are," Carolyn smiled as her granddaughter began to awaken, "little angels."

"Finally," Pat swept into Carolyn's room, where she'd retreated for a little peace and quiet. "Your brothers are gone."

"Our brothers," Mary raised an eyebrow, "not yours?"

"Yes. Yours. They were being nosy and gossipy, keeping me from getting back here."

"Did you hear that Kerry," Carolyn cooed to the baby, "my brothers were being nosy and gossipy, unlike Aunt Pat…isn't that right sweetie…" the baby gurgled back in agreement.

"It's the genes," Mary laughed, "you love gossip too," she held Kerry's hand in hers.

"Speaking of which," Pat said, and the three sisters enjoyed their own private session of gossip, as they summarized the day's event.

"The girls were right Ailene," Mary used the sentimental childhood name, "insisting that all be catered. I know you enjoyed spending time with everyone and not worrying about feeding them." Carolyn had been reluctant at first, but now grateful her girls had insisted all be catered; ensuring their mother had nothing to do, though Carolyn was never too far from the warmth and inviting atmosphere of her kitchen, where most of her family loved to gather.

"It was a wonderful day…" Carolyn smiled at her sisters, "and Nicole, did you hear her," said the proud grandmother.

"The voice of an angel," Patricia sat on her sister's other side and hugged her, "just like this little one…a beautiful angel, you're name is very fitting Kerry Beatrice," she took her from Carolyn and kissed her forehead "You've brought such joy to this family," and she and Carolyn exchanged a glance that did not go unnoticed by Mary.

"You're keeping secrets," Mary stated.

"Some secrets are not ours to share," Patricia said.

"I know," Mary agreed, "it's why I'm not pressing to hear it."

"Kerry Beatrice," Carolyn spoke softly, "baby…it's your special day…and you have so many people that love you…and today…they were all here for a very blessed and joyous family celebration."

The grandchildren were scattered all over the house, the Shepherd siblings, except one, ensuring all had been fed and busy in preparations for their special overnight sleepover g trip at Granma's.

"Mer," Derek whispered huskily as he locked their bedroom door behind them, "you've been driving me crazy all day, this dress," his hands cupped her breasts, " hugs your body to distraction…and your legs…I adore you legs…watching you walk…thinking of your legs wrapped around me…wanting to take the dress off …and…"

Meredith cut him off as she pressed him against the door, her mouth on his, wanting him as desperately as she knew he wanted her, "stop talking…just do it…"

"Carolyn," Patricia laughed suddenly, "time for us to leave the floor…the newlyweds have just shut the door in a rather…shall we say…urgent need of candy," and all three sisters laughed.

"That was…" Meredith said breathlessly, as she lay back on the pillows.

"Amazing," Derek said, equally breathless, then teased. "I'd forgotten what it's like to be taken advantage…"

"Really," she smiled, "taken advantage…"

"Come on Mer," he grinned. You totally took advantage of me…that first kiss in the elevator…"

Meredith shifted, lying on her side, facing him, "want me to take advantage again?"

"You're forgetting…old beasts…"

"Leave it to me," she kissed him; he moaned, her hands on him, his body hers to pleasure, and his leaving no doubts that her old beast was up to the lion tamer's every command.

"We were about to send out a search party," Mark drawled as Meredith and Derek walked in the living room.

"Yeah, Dad…" Cristina quipped.

"Shep," Kevin teased, "you know better than to leave three unruly kids."

"Leave them be," Mary reprimanded, "they've volunteered to chaperone the sleep over tonight, so all of you can go home without kids."

"Guess," John chuckled, "that required a ninety minute nap."

"Stop teasing," Maggie smiled at her husband.

"Why," John winked at her, "you've never minded that before."

"Where," Meredith ignored them, "are Molly and Lexie?"

"She's becoming a Maloney. Mastered diversion 101," Rob commented.

"Dad," Cristina said, sitting sideways on the oversized chair, her legs hanging over the side, drink in hand, "you should get some food…make up all those calories," and they all chuckled, including Derek who indeed was hungry and followed Meredith to the kitchen.

"Don't you look girls look pretty in your pajamas," Meredith said to the three youngest children currently at home, and whispered something to Carolyn who nodded and smiled, "and it looks like your all done with dinner," she sat next to Molly.

"Aunty M," Meghan said, wiping her mouth with a napkin, "Granma said we could have a tiny little dessert…cause of we gots company…and I gots a new friend…right Laura…you're my new friend," the little girl smiled and nodded her head, as she held the doll Meredith had given her.

"Granma said that," Meredith smiled, "well…Granmas know everything…so I guess we could do that...Meggie what would you like?"

"I wants chocolate cake," she smiled. "Just like Mommy likes."

Jenna smiled at Meredith, "nap time suits you."

"You'd know," Mer teased back, "you've been getting lots of those the last two days."

"You're sure," Jenna asked, "about having the kids again tonight."

"Absolutely," Derek placed a plate of food in front of Meredith.

"Laura," Meredith said, "is your baby all better?"

"All better," Laura nodded, "Meggie doctor…"

"Aunty M," Katie interpreted, "she means Meggie's been playing like a doctor…like you and Doctor Lexie, and they play real good together…and I keep eye on them…like Mommy said…cause they're little…"

"Thank you Katie," Meredith smiled at her.

"Mamma," Laura touched her mother's face, "ice…pease…"

"She wants ice?" Derek asked.

"Ice cream," Molly clarified.

"Ah…" was his response.

"Mer," Jenna laughed, "lots more lessons."

"Be quiet," Derek said, as he sat next to his sister, "we've managed pretty well, so you could have afternoon naps yesterday."

"Derek," Jenna rested her head on his shoulder, "we loved your surprise gift."

"Mommy," Meghan was in full alert, "you gots a present…like Laura? Cause of why?"

"Well," Jenna explained, "your Uncle Derek and Aunt Meredith wanted your Daddy and me to have a special night…to celebrate that we have three beautiful girls and they're going to baby sit for you tomorrow so we spend the night in New York City."

"Why can't you spend the night here?" Katie asked.

"Well," Meredith joined in, "because your Uncle Derek and I went to this really special place in New York City, and wanted your Mommy and Daddy to enjoy it as much as we did."

"Can we go?" Katie asked.

"Nope," Derek said, "only for grown ups," and the conversation continued until the questions from two inquisitive little girls were answered.

"Mamma," Laura said again, "ice…pease…"

"Laura," Meredith smiled at her niece, "what kind of ice cream do you like?"

"Pink," the little girl responded immediately, "bewhee…"

"Strawberry," Molly told Meredith.

"Strawberry…" Meredith repeated, and met Derek's smiling gaze, before she got up and served a small cup of ice cream, while Carolyn finished cutting slices of cake for Meghan and Katie.

Kathleen walked in the room, "what an exhausting day. Ma…any chocolate cake left?"

"Surely there were more appetizing desserts catered than my cake," Carolyn stated, already planning to bake one for Meredith to take home.

"No," Kathleen and Jenna said simultaneously.

"Laura," Meredith sat down again, "we have pink-berry ice cream for you."

"Tank you," the adorable little girl smiled, and looked to her new friend. "Meggie…pink ice?"

"I gots chocolate cake…you can have some," Meghan offered.

"The green eyed m-o-n-s-t-e-r has been conquered," Kathleen said as she took another bite of chocolate cake.

Meredith placed a small amount on the child size spoon, "can I feed you?"

"Pease…" Laura answered, and Meredith's heart melted just a little bit faster than ice cream ever could, as she marveled at not only the physical similarities but food preferences they shared.

"Aunty M," Meghan said, "Laura and her Mommy gets to sleep here tonight, cause of Granma said it's gonna snow a lot tonight in Netcut…so they gots to stay here so it's safe."

"Connecticut," Kathleen's turn to translate, "and on that note, it's time to get all the kids to the basement and some grown up talk. My girls are on duty…till Meredith and Derek take over," she teased, "and parents get to go home…and play…"

"T…M," Laura said suddenly, taking Meredith completely off guard, a soft gasp escaping her, and watched the little girl reach for the spoon, "you bite…pink-ice?"

"She's asking, Aunty M… if you want a bite?" Molly told her.

"Oh…" Meredith smiled, her light eyes glittering, "yes…please…" and allowed her niece to feed her, while her husband looked on, equally sentimental, as he watched the look of

genuine affection on Meredith's face; the little girl that looked exactly like his wife, in a matter of seconds, had fully captured her heart.

Kathleen took over the next phase of the evening, "Molly, do you think she'll want to be with the kids, or have her stay with you?"

"Aunty Kat," Katie said, "we take care of her…right Laura," the little girl nodded, not quite knowing what the commotion was about.

"Aunty M…see…I teached her…you're my Aunty M…and you're her Aunty M too…cause of her Mommy is your sister…and Uncle D is Mommy's brother…and your…"

Jenna interrupted what was sure to be a long monologue from her daughter, "ok…time to go see Daddy…and have him help us get all the sleeping bags ready…"

"Kathleen," Molly said, "I'll go with you…see what she wants to do."

"Mom," Meredith said when all but Derek had left the room, "thank you…"

"For what dear?"

"Thinking of asking Molly to stay, when you already have a houseful…"

"Meredith, she's your sister…and the girls seemed to be getting along so well…"

"There's not that much snow forecast in the Connecticut area," Meredith stated.

"Minor detail," Carolyn shrugged, "I thought Lexie would enjoy spending more time with her sister, and Molly is very sweet," she said matter of factly, "and she'd planned ahead to get Laura into her pajamas and then her snow suit …so she could go right to sleep on the train…"

"Ma," Derek smiled at her, "you're rambling."

"It's Meredith's fault," Carolyn teased, and placed her arm gently on Meredith's.

"Mom," Meredith said again, her voice cracked, "thank you…again…for the most special Thanksgiving celebration I've ever had…this entire weekend…and for showing me…what it means to be a family…I'd never know…if it wasn't for you."

"You'd have know," Carolyn nodded, "because…those feelings…have always been in your heart…and I'm so proud…to see how good you really are…with families."

"Ok, you two…" Derek said as he hugged Meredith close to him, "you're going to turn me into Jenna…" and the two most important women in his life laughed, as they wiped away sentimental tears, and then went to join their family.

"About time," Patricia said, "even the kids have settled, or at least, we hope they have, and we have a lot of questions for you..." Carolyn just shook her head in amusement; like Maggie, Meredith and Derek were never going to live this down.

"No more beating around the bush," Mary said, her husband had opted for a game of poker next door. "We want to know why three children all under the age of nine think there are vampires in our family."


	225. Chapter 225

_A/N 3/7/11 – Thank so very much to each of you that commented, just when I was thinking it's time to wrap it up quickly, some of your messages inspire me to stay on course…and I will do that, for each of you that so enthusiastically indicated you're not completely over of this story. It's so very encouraging to continue to let it unfold, and comments really mean the world to me, as this is my "baby" in the world of fan fiction. There's no way I'll be able to respond individually to each of the last chapter's reviews, but I will respond to each of you that has a link for all the reviews of this chapter, before the next one is posted. Maureen, thank you, for your always uplifting, incredibly supportive and thoughtful encouraging comments._

_I admit to a bit of a tiny boost of inspiration to write this last chapter. Was sort of stuck until I was fortunate enough to see Patrick, the real McDreamy, and ladies he is, at the races in Homestead this weekend; so yes, the chapter took a little unexpected twist…with the last scene I wrote between Meredith & Derek, I assure you…it had a lot to do with seeing him and talking to him both days._

_Though I value, immensely, each of your comments, this particular chapter is dedicated to mickandjoots89, as she leaves for a year and half of mission work, giving up so many of the comforts and luxuries we take for granted, including internet access, and wish her safe travels and experiences that will undoubtedly serve to enrich her life; giving being better than receiving. Thank you for taking the time to review before you left, I was trying so hard to write another update before you were on your way so I could wish you God's Blessings as you embark on this journey.. Warmest regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… part 8**_

_**Our first…Godchild's Baptism…a joyous family celebration – Part 3 of 3**_

"_Ok, you two…" Derek said as he hugged Meredith close to him, "you're going to turn me into Jenna…" and the two most important women in his life laughed, as they wiped away sentimental tears, and then went to join their family._

"_About time," Patricia said, "even the kids have settled, or at least, we hope they have, and we have a lot of questions for you..." Carolyn just shook her head in amusement; like Maggie's s-e-x is candy, Meredith and Derek were never going to live this down._

"_No more beating around the bush," Mary said, her husband had opted for a game of poker next door. "We want to know why three children all under the age of nine think there are vampires in our family."_

Meredith immediately noticed Molly sitting next to Lexie, sharing something that made them laugh quietly. Momentarily, the past betrayed her, thoughts of growing up alone, her mother ultimately driving everyone away made her resent Ellis; unlike her childhood, her sisters shared cherished memories.

Derek, completely in tune with her emotions, noticed the distant look; reached for her hand and found a seat, pulling her down on his lap, whispering, "you ok?"

"I'm ok," she smiled softly, squeezing his hand gently; her turn to reassure him.

"Shep," Mark joked, "you're not setting a very good example for us kids," and everyone laughed at the ongoing bantering regarding Meredith and Derek's three children.

"Derek Christopher," Mary said, "get on with your explanation, your cousins are not too happy with you…they've been trying to keep the girls from reading those vampire books, so fess up, it's been a long time since we've discovered new family secrets…" she taunted jokingly.

"You mean," Cristina quipped, "other than secret wives and fist fight with manwhores."

"Cristina," Meredith warned.

"What," Cristina shrugged, "it's true…and you agreed he was McSteamy."

"We will get to that later," Mary said. "Now, on with the vampires…surely, you were not setting a bad example in front of the kids. We've had enough with Jenna's girls wanting candy," the entire room erupted with laugher.

Meredith felt the warmth of Derek's hug; their family was all there. Everyone in the immediate family remained; siblings, the Shepherd five and spouses; her sisters and Mark, and yes the Maloney sisters, definitely a night of sibling, old and new, bonds and laughter.

"Oh…God…" Meredith buried her face in the crook of Derek's neck as her shoulders shook with laughter.

"Why would we know about that?" Derek asked.

"Perhaps," Maggie said, delighting in teasing her brother; resigned to being teased about sex and candy for many years to come. "Let us refresh your memory…"

"It's a good memory," Derek whispered in Meredith's ear making her giggle.

"Grandma," Maggie imitated Mary's granddaughter, "we're not making up stories…we heard it…all three of us…and Cousin Derek said we had vampires and lion tamers in the family…he did Grandma. He was sucking on the pretty lady's neck…he was Mommy…"

"And," Cristina followed, with the perfect inflection, imitating Pat's grandson, "they were kissing a lot…like you and Daddy…but, I told him…it wasn't gross…not like you and Daddy…or kissing girls cause he's a vampire."

"Well," Derek cleared his throat, "Mer, should we tell them the truth?"

"I'm not sure…they can handle it…" she played along with her husband.

"We're actually Edward and Bella…and didn't know how to break the news to you. When I moved to Seattle, that's near where they lived you know, Mer bit me and…"

The room was silent. Completely. Including Meredith, but not for long.

"You are a moron," Nancy said and started laughing. "Do you even know what you're talking about?"

"Of course I do," Derek said and playfully sucked on Meredith's neck. "I told her I wanted to die when I was 110…that can only happen if you're a vampire."

"Actually," Lexie said, "if you're a vampire you don't die, and Edward's family does not drink human blood."

"Lexipedia," Cristina said, "you knowing that, is normal, but that Shepherd thinks he knows, is rather disturbing."

"He has no clue," Meredith laughed, "he got all that from Jen telling Amanda it was a ridiculous story and she was too young to read it."

"That's my girl," Nancy said proudly, "and the younger ones listen. They're pretty bad actually as well as the writing…" Nancy commented.

"I agree," Kathleen said, "but, I can see the appeal to the youth."

"Wait," Derek said, "you're calling me a moron and both of you have read those books?"

"Derek," Nancy told him, "we have kids that age, of course we have to read them, it's been a huge phenomenon and we need to know what they may be reading."

"I've got to know," Kathleen told them. "I have kids in therapy that think this is all real."

"So," Mary concluded, "in essence, you two were making out inappropriately in front of my granddaughter and great nephews and traumatized the kids."

"Pretty much," Derek admitted, "but we didn't know they were there, and they don't sound like they're traumatized."

"I won't even ask about the lion tamers," Mary smiled mischievously.

"That part is true," Derek brushed Meredith's lips, uncaring of their audience.

"We know dear," Mary told him. "Mark was right, we heard lions roaring."

"With absolutely no warning," his mother Carolyn said, "to get earplugs."

"Brainless," Patricia laughed. "Carolyn, we have our work cut out with him. We're going to have to visit Seattle and start with some parenting lessons…"

"No you don't," Mark said, "that's another secret they're keeping from you."

"Mark Sloan," Patricia said, "I'd watch myself if I were you…don't want you to have to give yourself stitches again."

"On the flight here," Mark ignored her; the familiarity of childhood memories intact. They actually admitted to having four kids already."

Cristina joined in the taunting, not giving Meredith and Derek any time to react. "It's true. They told the flight attendant they had four kids, under the age of five."

"Why," Rob laughed, as he hugged Jenna closer, and whispered in her ear, making her smile, her mother and aunts would swear she blushed.

"Grey's become an old jealous wife," Mark teased, "and doesn't have a lot of patience for flight attendants flirting with Derek."

"Not just any flight attendant," Meredith retorted, "the same one from our other trip, and Derek was lapping up all the attention."

"I was not," Derek defended himself, "and I can't help it if you're jealous and had to mark your territory."

"She was fawning all over him and he…" Meredith pretended she was serious.

"Mer," Lexie laughed, "you're not being fair…he was not paying any attention to her."

"Stop defending him," Mer told her with a smile, "just because you claimed you knew he was going to be your brother in law, while I wasn't even ready to think of marriage…"

"Meredith," Derek interrupted her, "there was never any question…that you were going to be my wife…it was more a matter of how long it would take me to convince you."

"Ma," Maggie smiled, "how did you raise such a cocky brainless…"

"Same way," Carolyn told her, "I raised four nosy…gossipy…lovely girls."

"Mer," Kevin said "you sound like Kathleen when she was pregnant and staked her…"

"Honey," Kathleen said, "leave that story…"

"They already know," Kevin laughed. "There are no secrets in this family."

"Kevin," Meredith told him. "Kathleen was right, putting that woman in her place, and this flight attendant was very judgmental."

"Because you had four kids?" Mary asked.

"No," Mark laughed, "because she remembered they had four kids under five, and thought they were horrible parents for leaving four year old twins, a two year old and a baby on Thanksgiving."

"Meredith," Patricia laughed, "you're setting yourself up…"

"I am not," Meredith smiled, "three kids…that's it …and no twins!"

"The best part," Derek went along with the joking mood, "was that last time we flew the flight attendant was incredulous on how good she looked after having an eight week old baby, and Meredith told her the secret was sex…and that we'd be trying for a boy."

The guests had all left by six that evening and it was now nearly eight as the family enjoyed the teasing and joking that had been missed so terribly in the last several years.

"Jenna," Meredith asked, "isn't it time for Kerry to eat…she'll have her last feeding at eleven…and…"

"You've got her schedule down," Jenna smiled. "I expect one of the girls will bring her when she's got her hand in her mouth," and surely enough Laura did.

"Aunt Jenna," the young woman said, "she's probably five minutes away from a hungry tantrum and handed her aunt the baby and a blanket.

"Thanks sweetie," Jenna told her, "and for watching over the kids," and placing the blanket securely over Kerry, settled the baby on her breast.

"We're enjoying it," Laura told her, "Allie and I…we miss the family…a lot."

"You're feeding her," Mark said, "with everyone here."

"Mark," Kathleen teased, "you've been around long enough, there's been fourteen…now

fifteen kids."

"You didn't do that…" Mark argued, "when Allie and Laura were little…"

"No," Kathleen said, "but then…I became practical…"

"Mark," Nancy told him, "it's the most natural thing in the world."

"I never saw you either," Mark told her.

"That's," Mike shocked them all, "because I was jealous as hell of you."

"Laurie," Kathleen decided best to change the subject, not quite sure how serious her brother in law was. "You're ok with all the kids?"

"They're great Mom," her second daughter smiled, "watching a movie…the little ones playing with the doll house. Molly, your Laura is adorable and totally enthralled with it."

Meredith turned to Derek, "you think Mike's jealous of Mark?"

"Think they're ok," he said, as they both noticed Mike had reached for Nancy's hand, and whispered something in her ear, and Nancy had kissed him.

"Thank you for looking after her," Molly responded. "I wasn't sure how long she'd stay away from me."

"She's being very sociable," Laura told her, "and getting along great with Katie and Meghan."

"She's very girly and loves dolls," Molly commented. "She's probably still too little for a doll house, but maybe for her birthday."

Rob burped his daughter before giving her back to Jenna to finish feeding her.

"Cristina," Mary said, "before I forget…"

"Forget," Mike, Nancy's husband laughed, "you have the memory of an elephant."

"I couldn't very well say," Mary paused, "before I have to leave to indulge in candy with my husband," and the room erupted in laughter.

"Mama Shep," Cristina said. "I thought this was going to be boring…but Shepherdville rises to the occasion…every time."

"Maloney," Patricia said, "Cristina…it's the Maloney's…"

"Cristina," Mary insisted, "so …Meredith thought Mark was…McSteamy…"

"She did," Cristina said, and related the birth of Mcsteamy and McDreamy in her own inimitable fashion.

"And," Kathleen teased her brother, "when he found out it was Meredith that gave him the nickname, almost started another argument…and then, poor Mark…his intended conquest turned him down…for…well, let's just say, there was no way he could ever compete, though she did something good, dubbing them pretty and prettier."

"You're a troublemaker," Derek told her, "just like Aunt Pat."

"Take that back," Kathleen said though she winked at her aunt.

"Carolyn," Patricia sighed, "you're in good company with the denials of our impertinent children," she said and the three Maloney sisters laughed.

"So," John joined in, "who was prettier?"

"Look at this face," Mark said, "who do you think?"

"Ass." Derek retorted.

"Mama Shep," Cristina quipped as she saw Derek smile at Meredith. "Did you also warn the family about the endless mcdreamied episode?"

"No need Cristina," Carolyn looked over to the couple, Meredith no longer on his lap, but snuggled in to him, and he'd just placed a tender kiss on her temple, and now shared a smile with her, "they've been witness to it since their first visit home."

"We're right here, you know," Meredith commented.

"The real question," Maggie teased, "is have you forgotten you're not alone? Really Derek, as much of a prude as you are sometimes, you have no qualms about displaying embarrassing mcdreamied moments …"

"Leave them be, Maggie," their mother teased. "It's not as though you haven't caused

enough trouble with telling the kids sex is candy."

"Mom," Maggie turned to her, "you're taking his side?"

"No dear." Carolyn answered, but winked at Cristina, remembering their conversation the day before; feeling lighthearted and surrounded by all her family, she too was in a joking mood. "But, just imagine when Meggie tells Jenna it was unfair she didn't get candy, when she knows Uncle D and Aunty M was upstairs having s-e-x."

"She knows what..." Jenna asked, the alert baby in her arms cooing away at her, "she didn't say anything…Oh…God help me, when she decides to blurt it out."

"Ma," Derek gave in to the endless taunting, "you've become as big a troublemaker as the nun and the slutty aunt," and everyone laughed as he brought up certain embarrassing moments experienced by each of his sisters, providing an evening of laughter as past memories were recounted, leading to new ones to be shared in the years to come.

"By the way Mark," Jenna asked, as she got up with the baby and walked over to Meredith. "Why did Meredith scare the hell out of you?"

The baby gurgled and cooed at her mother's tone, and Jenna kissed her forehead before handing her over to Meredith who said, "it was about time, wasn't it Kerry…I've had to share you with everyone all day long," and the baby looked up at her godmother and grunted in protest, making Derek chuckle at the baby's perfect reaction, and then she smiled at her godmother, and Meredith was oblivious to all else around her.

"Jenna," Lexie laughed, "when the girls said Meredith was having a baby this morning, he thought he'd lost his pregnant radar."

"His pregnant radar," Maggie laughed, "surely…you're joking. Then again, it was probably survival of the fittest…"

"He's not joking, and it was survival," Kathleen laughed. "He reminded me he's guessed correctly many times…including with some of us, and when I was in Seattle, he was able to tell just by looking at one of the nurses…that she was pregnant and she didn't even know it yet."

Kathleen met and held Meredith's gaze, no words needed, as the silent acknowledgment of thanks was all that was necessary between them.

"It has been a very long day," Mary said, "and absolutely delightful…and now, it's time for me to go enjoy some…candy…before my own roaring lion…falls asleep," laughter followed as she said, "not to mention that Jenna and Rob have been dying to get out of here for a while…"

Derek shook his head, "I really don't remember all this sex talk before."

"We've never had so much time," Kathleen said, "without kids around listening."

"Derek," his aunt Patricia said as she too got ready to leave, "that's also because most of the time, the last few years…you were absent…a lot," and voiced what he'd said about his marriage; the emotional void lacking in his marriage to Addison had extended to this relationship with the family.

Kerry Beatrice chose that moment to exercise her lungs, louder than ever before, startling the entire family, as the newly baptized grandbaby made her presence known, to everyone but her godmother, she already had her full attention.

"Jen," Rob laughed, "that's the loudest she's ever been without crying," and walked over to his daughter and took her from Meredith. "You're nosy…and bossy now too…aren't you…telling your Uncle Derek he can't stay away too long from now on…" and the baby listened intently to her father's voice as he and Jenna snuggled and kissed her good night.

"You'll be ok," Jenna asked Meredith, "another night of this…"

"Two more nights," Meredith reminded her, "you've got a date tomorrow night."

"We'll see you in the morning," Jenna hugged her brother and sister in law. "I'm going to say good night to the girls," and with that, Derek's sisters made their way to the basement to say goodnight to the children, and parents made their way home.

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "sweetheart, why don't you leave Kerry with me tonight, you and Derek can get a good night's sleep."

"Mama Shep," Cristina joked, "you said it yourself…they're going to be up either way...baby or sex."

"Cristina," Carolyn hid a smile, Cristina had managed to make her say that, and she saw Derek shake his head. "Behave…it upsets your father when you talk that way," and Molly laughed at what had become an ongoing joke.

"Ma," Derek said as he walked over to her with Kerry, "don't encourage her."

"Let me take her," Carolyn said, "I'll change her and get ready for bed," she smiled at the granddaughter who'd been changed long ago from wearing the heirloom christening gown to more comfortable clothing, and now wore her pajamas.

"We'll be in the basement," Derek said, "till the kids settle tonight. Cristina, you heard earlier, you're on fairy tale duty," and surprisingly she would indeed follow them, though she ended up playing darts with the boys, who were in awe of the motorcycle driving doctor who'd promised to let them try it out when they visited Seattle.

Molly and Lexie had gone to check on Laura who was contentedly playing with her new older friends, though showing some signs of being tired, her bedtime usually eight, the little girl had wanted to play and Allie had assured them they could go spend some time together, and she'd bring Laura to her if she showed any signs at all of wanting her mother.

"Uncle Derek," several voices echoed, from various corners of the room, finally…"

"Finally, huh," Derek said, "what have you been waiting for?"

"We really want to visit your wilderness," one of the boys said.

"Even," Amanda, Nancy's daughter said, "if it's a godforsaken place…"

"Yeah…and we can camp out and hear horror stories," Michael, Nancy's almost fourteen year old said in hopes of eliminating all chances of any of the younger kids being allowed on that trip, "and be on the lookout for bears and wolves…you have those, right Uncle Derek."

Derek and Meredith had settled on the large sofa by the fireplace, and the younger kids began to gather around them.

"Michael," his sister Nicole said, "you're the first one that would run if you saw a wolf or a bear, stop being …a boy…"

"You're really funny Nikki, what am I supposed to be," Michael laughed at her, "a girl...and afraid of horror movies and monsters like you…"

"Oh no," Katie ran to Derek, "Uncle Derek…I don't like monsters…and big scary wolves like in Little Red Riding Hood…he ate the grandmother, Uncle Derek…that's not a nice story…and…" Jenna's oldest was almost in tears.

Derek reached for her and sat her on his lap, "there are no monsters," he soothed the little girl and shot Michael a reprimanding look.

"Aunty M," Meghan followed her sister, "I not like monsters…"

"Sweetie," Meghan hugged her close to her, "Michael is playing around."

"Me scared," Meghan's eyes watered, though Meredith almost instantly realized with both Jenna's girls with them, Laura was alone and looked over to the younger child.

Laura, who'd been playing with the girls and was now suddenly deserted, looked around for her mother and reached for her doll and hugged her, curling up in the corner, though Allie was already on her way to her and picked her up. "Mamma…pease…"

"Derek," Meredith said, her heart breaking for the little girl, who'd reacted much as she had in her childhood, quietly retreating, though Laura immediately wanted her mother, and Meredith had known it was useless to ask and expect Ellis to comfort her. "Take her please," she said and passed Meghan to him.

"Meggie," Meredith quickly assured, "I'll be right back."

Merely seconds had passed from the moment Meredith has seen her niece's reaction and reaching her side. "Laura," Meredith sat on the floor next to Allie, "sweetie…"

"T...M…" the little girl's lips trembled as soon as she saw Meredith and extended her little arms to her.

"Oh, baby," Meredith hugged Laura close to her, "it's ok…I'm right here…" and the nineteen month old version of herself clung to her, no tears shed as she took a couple of broken breaths. "I'm right here," Meredith soothed her, kissing the top of her head, feeling her niece relax and then she felt it would be ok to pull her gently away from her, "all better?" Meredith asked her, kissing her forehead and her cheek.

Laura nodded, putting her hand on Meredith's face, "kiss," she said, and placed a kiss on Meredith's cheek, right on top of a stray tear she hadn't even realized she'd shed, "all better."

"Yes," Meredith said softly, "all better."

"Baby," Laura said, holding her doll close again, "kiss…"

Meredith kissed the doll's cheek as well, and her heart just about skipped a beat, as Laura wrapped her little arms around her neck.

"Aunty M," Meghan appeared, not too pleased with her aunt leaving her behind for Laura. "You not come back."

"You were with Uncle Derek," Meredith explained, "and Laura's still a baby…she was all by herself."

"But," Meghan was now certain she did not want to share Meredith. "You're MY Aunty M," she emphasized.

Laura lifted her head from Meredith's shoulder, and looked at Meghan, repetition a recently learned habit, and with the same emphasis looked at Meredith and said, "MY…T…M…" and snuggled back into her comfortable position.

"You," Meghan's eyes watered like her mother's, "love her more…"

"I love you both," Meredith told her, and pulled Meghan down on her lap. "I'm Aunt M to you both, but she's just a little girl, and her Mommy was not here."

"I forgots," Meghan told Meredith, "I tolds her Mommy I take care of her…"

"It's ok sweetie," Meredith soothed, "I'm here now…"

Derek watched the interaction and had a huge lump in his throat; the love of his life was indeed on her way to mastering families.

Carolyn Shepherd stood by the basement door unobserved; her granddaughter Laura had claimed Kerry over an hour before, both she and her sister wanted to enjoy the baby before going back to school the following afternoon.

"Irish," Carolyn spoke silently, "I wish you were here…I miss you so much…he's so much like you…love, he's weaving a story like you used to…and Daddy," she observed, lips pursed at the scene before her. Meredith and Derek sitting on the couch; Meredith holding Laura fast asleep with her tiny arms around her neck, Meghan on her lap, head resting against her trying not to fall asleep and Derek with Kerry, who was listening to his every word, cuddled against him.

"They've been through so much," Carolyn continued with the silent communication, "but…they're going to make it, you would love Meredith, her vulnerability and her strength, and he's happy," she wiped away a tear, "finally…I see it in his eyes, the way he looks at her, takes care of her…how I wish you were here with me now," she said, an a calming peacefulness came over her as she embraced the hope of eternity, of one day joining her soul mate, "look at them…all our grandchildren together."

"Then," Derek looked up instinctively, met his mother's gaze, "while we were sitting by the brook…you could see all the little fishes trying to catch up but someone had thrown away a big…" and the story went on; one Carolyn remembered well, and smiled at the way he'd changed it, just like his father and grandfather, making it current for the Shepherd grandchildren, "and Logan rushed to their rescue with his little cousin Katie."

"That was a lovely story," Carolyn announced her presence, "and now…it's way past some bedtimes."

"Granma," Emma, who'd found her way to her oldest sister's lap got up and rushed to her, "Uncle Derek tells the bestest stories."

"He certainly does," Carolyn agreed smiling down at the little girl who'd wrapped her arms around her. "Now it's time to get everyone ready for bed…it's almost ten o'clock," and with that began the rush of activity that would get fourteen kids settled in sleeping bags lined across the enormous basement, at the make pretend camp out.

"He added the little ones," Allie whispered to her grandmother, "and changed the story, just like you say Granpa used to," and then hugged her. "I love you Grandma…I bet he's watching over us right now…and knows…Uncle Derek remembered…"

"I bet he is too," Carolyn hugged her granddaughter tightly; her first granddaughter, the one she had a special bond with; the first tiny miracle that had become a sensitive caring amazing young woman.

Laura, like her mother Kathleen had an eye for capturing special moments and snapped away as the story had unfolded; then, one last photo of Meredith holding two sleeping children, Laura looking so much like her, it could have been her daughter, and she leaned into Derek cooing away at the newest member of the family as Kerry talked back to her, and Derek was absolutely mesmerized as he watched his wife lovingly kiss the baby's tiny hand.

Laura and Allie assured the three adults they would get everything under control as they'd had plenty of experience as summer camp counselors, and these were after all their cousins and siblings.

Promising they'd be spending the next day together again, Derek spent a little time with each of his nieces and nephews.

"Mer," Cristina joined her on the couch; unlike Mark who'd snuck out with Mary and played a few hands of poker over with the older group, had stayed. "This family thing…they're good for you."

"Yeah…" Meredith smiled softly at her friend, her person. "Right…"

"They are." Cristina acknowledged simply.

"Cristina," Meredith nudged her, "you're my family too."

"I know," she answered in typical Cristina fashion.

"Thank you," Meredith said, "for being here for me."

Cristina nodded slightly and leaned in to her friend and laid her hand on her shoulder.

Meredith smiled softly, the friends sitting in silence for several moments before Cristina spoke again.

"She looks just like you."

Meredith replied. "I can almost understand why he'd confused me with Molly, she looks more like me, and it really took me by surprise."

"Mer," her friend sat up when Laura shifted slightly in Meredith's arms; Meghan had been fast asleep by the end of the story and Allie had settled her in her small sleeping bag, and placed her on top of the sofa bed she intended to use, keeping her and Katie close as they were the youngest. Laura was using the other pull out bed, with the rest of the kids on the floor, the younger ones especially thrilled about their camp out. Kerry had suddenly decided to sleep and Derek had placed her in the portable.

"Cristina," Meredith replied, certain her friend had been thinking a long while about what she was going to say.

"You've got a Mommy magnet with all these little people…"

"At least," Meredith said, "I know I can't be as bad as my mother was."

"You're nothing like her," Cristina told her.

"That's a good thing," Meredith said.

"Yeah," Cristina acknowledged, not understanding how her friend didn't have the desire to follow in her mother's brilliant medical career, yet, the long buried vulnerability understood Meredith's stronger desire for the nurturing loving family she'd never had.

"Cristina," Meredith said and smiled when she saw this not often seen hard core unemotional person smile at her; certain it had to do with the way she'd so naturally breathed the sweet gentle powdery baby scent of her niece and hugged her just a little closer. "What aren't you saying?"

"I better get in line," Cristina said.

"For what?"

"Being godmother to one of my person's children."

"Really," Meredith's eyes glittered. "You'd want to…"

"Calling dibs on number two…"

"Oh really," Meredith laughed softly not to disturb her niece.

"It's going to be the middle kid, all sorts of issues…he'll need a hard core godmother."

"I may only have two you know," Meredith argued.

"Seriously," Cristina raised an eyebrow, "you've pretty much agreed to three…but Mer," she was serious now, "if Mcdreamy can convince you to have five chatty children, please make sure number two is not one of them."

"Cristina," Meredith opened her eyes in warning, "you are not calling my baby two…"

"Mer…" her friend smiled, "you're going to be a great Mom."

"You think," Meredith went along with the not often seen side to her friend, trying to keep her emotions in check; Cristina Yang was not often sentimental.

"Absolutely," Cristina smiled. "Lucky little ones…"

"I love you, Cristina Yang."

"Yeah," she smiled fondly at Meredith, unspoken words reiterating she felt the same.

"Mer," Derek said, "let me carry her upstairs, you can take Kerry."

"I'll do it," Meredith told him, "in case she wakes up…she may not recognize you and I don't want her to…"

Derek leaned down to her and kissed her, interrupting her, "I'll take Kerry," and he helped Meredith get up from the couch as she too bid the Shepherd grandkids goodnight.

Meredith knocked softly on the door of the room her sisters and niece would share that evening. "Meredith," Molly asked when she opened the door, "did she give you any trouble?"

"No," Meredith shook her head, "she was just fine," but went on to tell her sister about the small incident she'd called for her and wasn't sure if she'd want to stay with her.

"Meghan," Lexie said, "is very possessive of Meredith."

"Seems like," Molly said, "Laura will be too…"

"She's precious Molly..." Meredith told her, still holding the baby.

"She looks just like you Meredith," Molly said.

"Oh…but…that's not what I meant…at all…not that …but her personality…"

"Mer," Lexie said, "stop rambling…we know what you meant, it's not like you're Cristina," and the two older sisters laughed at the very accurate description of Cristina, and the three went on to talk for a few minutes before Meredith laid Laura down on the bed and tenderly kissed her forehead.

"Sweet dreams baby," Meredith whispered before saying good night to her sisters and joining her husband.

"Hey," Derek smiled at her when she walked in the room, "you're just in time…"

"For what," Meredith raised an eyebrow and walked toward him; every step a promise of seduction.

"Whatever you want," Derek said huskily as she sat on the bed facing him, and leaned in to kiss him, both lost in the magical magnetism that existed only between them.

"I think…" Meredith said after both were left just a bit more breathless than the minutes before, "we may have to wait…for …" she paused, her hand on his thigh caressing higher and higher until she placed her hand on him, his desire for her more than evident.

"Don't stop now," his breath caught, "don't you dare…"

"Derek…be serious."

"I'm damn serious," he told her quickly reaching for her and settling her on top of him.

"There's a baby on the bed next to you," she actually giggled at him.

"I'm talking seduction…and you… giggle."

"Derek, I was going to say, we may have to wait till we get home for lots of dirty sex…"

"Don't count on it," he captured her mouth, devouring her with unquenchable hunger.

"Kerry's about to wake up," she eventually pulled back. She'd known that's what he meant when she had walked in the room and saw him laying back against the pillows, already in pajamas, with Kerry on her side of the bed; though the baby would not be turning anywhere, he'd even thought to place two pillows between the baby and the edge of the bed, "and we're not having dirty sex with her in the room."

"Losing your…shall we say…flexibility," he teased often about her comment long ago.

"Derek," she bit his lip playfully, "be serious…"

"I am…we can do quiet…we've become experts at quiet while we're here."

"Not for what I have in mind," she smiled at him, "we'll never manage it…"

"Not nice to tease…" he chuckled, "beasts… of any age…they're very hard to tame."

"No pun intended," she was on top of him, his desire for her quite evident, and yet she deliberately pressed herself more intimately against him.

"Very hard," he emphasized, "and beasts aren't always tamable…"

"But, I'm pretty confident," she knew his body intimately, his every reaction to her touch, and set out to prove it to him, her hands expertly seducing him. "I can tame MY beast…"

"Stop," he said, reaching for her hands, "unless…you want to make the lion roar…now…"

Kerry chose that moment to let out a loud wail; she'd spent the last couple of minutes looking around frowning, her tiny hand finding its way to her mouth while her godparents had indulged in the pleasure of each other, she'd been ignored long enough.

Derek groaned, "perfect timing…"

Meredith reached for Kerry, cuddling her close and the baby quieted almost instantly, "sorry baby…your godfather was being very naughty…"

"I was being naughty," Derek smirked and then talked to the baby. "It's a good thing your Mommy's not around or there'd be hell to pay."

"Derek," Meredith shushed him, "stop using that language…"

"Mer, she has no idea what we're saying."

"Doesn't matter," she told him. "Hold her. I'll go get her bottle."

"I'll go."

"Grab your robe," she teased him as she sat back against the headboard.

"You're playing with fire…"

"I know," she smiled at him, "and can't wait to get burned…"

"You know Mer…teasing without ..."

"You love me," she said absolutely certain of the fact, ignoring his rather weak complaint.

"That…I do," he said and they leaned into each other again, lips meeting one more time; but this time the baby protested, her tiny fist making her presence felt.

"Derek," Meredith said as he got up from the bed, "after Kerry's fed and asleep…"

"Meredith…"

"We're really good…at quiet sex…" she smiled at him seductively.

"That we are… Mrs. Shepherd."

"Mrs. Shepherd," she called after him, laughing at the rarely used title.

Kerry Beatrice was determined to thwart her godparent's plans. She wanted to eat, but she was taking her time about it, becoming distracted by Derek's chatting, at times some very inappropriate chatting.

"Stop talking," Meredith told him, "you're distracting her," but neither could resist the baby's adorable cooing and gurgling, and it was a long while before she was ready to be put down in her bassinet, "and me…and she probably knows it…that I'm not paying full attention to her."

"Mer, she's a baby…she has no idea."

"Really, " she told him, "guess you don't mind if she keeps us up another hour, and then I'm too tired to do anything but sleep," she taunted, fully aware it was an empty observation, she full intended to have her way with him; they'd have their way with each other before the night was out.

"Mer …you can't smile like that and expect me to ignore…"

"Ignore what…"

"Uhmmm…like you've seen me naked…"

"I cannot," she giggled, "believe you said that…"

"I've been waiting a long time to say that…remember…the staircase…" he cocked his head, then the Mcdreamy smile that was always here undoing, "when you were trying to deny you wanted me…badly…"

"Uhmm…I'm not denying it now…"

"I'll stop talking," he had heard the implicit insinuations in her voice.

"See Kerry," the baby was now fighting to keep her eyes open, "your godfather is not so brainless…" as always, the baby did react to that with a little gurgle, but then closed her eyes and Meredith continued to speak to her softly until she was lulled to sleep.

The day came to an end as two lovers expertly explored each other's bodies; familiar moans and sounds of pleasure further encouraging the beast to entice his lion tamer to have her way with him…while he rose to the occasion …and fulfilled her every desire.

_A/N 3/7/11 – You know by now they may not be quite ready to go home, but I did not want to wait longer to post a chapter. _

_There was a good observation regarding the M rating as there aren't sexually explicit scenes in this story. When I first posted this story, I chose the rating because it seemed to me this would not be a story enjoyed by the younger audiences. However, I do know some boards that have very explicit sexual scenes and topics, and actually encourage and engage those young 13-17 readers. Having said that, I do not write explicit sexual scenes. Mature readers clearly understand the implications of the scenes that have been written throughout this story, and do not need a how to or the ever repetitive: "Oh God, Derek… I'm please…Oh God… I'm …Oh God...Derek...Mer…I'm so close…you're so wet…etc. etc. etc." That's the only time you will read that in one of my stories. Sorry, if it has failed to meet anyone's expectations in this regard._


	226. Chapter 226

_A/N – 8/7/11 – I never imagined it would be five months before a new chapter was written, and it amazes me anyone is still interested in reading, and I'm so very grateful and humbled that you are. Hope you are not disappointed. But, if you are, please let me know, I'll try to improve upon it._

_It's not easy lately, becoming inspired to keep writing about Meredith & Derek, as in my opinion, Rhimes has ruined the characters we came to love, in particular Derek's behavior in the season finale, breaking their vows, his vow, of "no running.". Don't get me wrong; what Meredith did was equally detrimental, as she betrayed his trust. I'd hoped, they would address their problems immediately, deal with the situation without running, with the commitment we saw on that post it –and then, the marriage vows, for better or worse - but it turns out, that will not be the case, as information released by ABC has indicated._

_Thank you to all of you that have read this very long story, for your encouragement and continued interest. It is my goal to continue to write this as originally intended, and that the characterization you've seen in Shattered Dreams remains true to the story that has unfolded as I've shared my vision of this legendary Meredith and Derek fan fiction._

_Warm regards, Jasmin_

_A/N/ 10/2/11 -Yikes! Just read that last sentence of AN as I'm getting ready to write another chapter, and was horrified at the way it sounds... very conceited indeed! It was meant to read " I've shared my vision of this legendary Meredith and Derek **in** fan fiction (not that it's a legendary fanfiction)_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… Part 8 – End 1 of 2 **_

_**Our first…Godchild's Baptism…farewell **_

_The day came to an end as two lovers expertly explored each other's bodies; familiar moans and sounds of pleasure further encouraging the beast to entice his lion tamer to have her way with him…while he rose to the occasion …and fulfilled her every desire._

The gurgling sounds of a newborn welcomed the last Sunday in November; joyful, hopeful beginnings as the dawn of a new day smiled at the three souls long ago fated to be together; the youngest, unbeknownst to the two lovers delighting in each other, responding to the quiet teasing adult laughter; all three under God's loving protection, the promised glimpses of dreams on destiny's road to being fulfilled.

"Derek," Meredith whispered, and unsuccessfully tried to suppress yet another giggle, "we're going to wake the baby."

"Didn't bother you in the middle of the night," he moaned as his wife caressed the length of him, and then stopped abruptly.

"Listen," Meredith said as she was sure she'd heard the now familiar baby sounds.

"To what…" Derek groaned, this time at the absence of her touch, "everyone's sleeping," he continued determinedly and captured her lips once again.

"Stop," she told him, but not before having giving in to the kiss…his mastery of seductive enticement. "Kerry..."

"Uhmmm..."

"Derek," her infections giggle, a gift for his soul, "stop..."

"You don't mean that," his hands roamed her inner thigh, then the soft gasp, more confirmation of her arousal.

"I…" she agreed, the way he made her feel, the only pressing matter. "I don't…"

"Thought," he smiled upon her lips, "you'd see it my way…"

"Don't…" she moaned blissfully, "stop…"

Then, the littlest Shepherd grandchild made her presence known and let out an excited cry, purely the results of listening to her godparent's voices.

"Oh, my God," Meredith attempted to disentangle herself from Derek. "I was right…she was awake…"

"What," Derek ignored her, "are you talking about," lightly and playfully biting her neck.

"Kerry," Meredith moaned, in spite of herself, at the pleasure of his mouth on her.

"Is not crying," Derek's mouth reached the swell of her breast, and smiled at the sound of his wife's attempt to suppress her reaction when his tongue found her nipple.

"Derek," Meredith said breathlessly, "stop…"

"The baby's not complaining," he teased. "Why are you?"

"She's listening," Meredith told him. "That's worse…"

"Mer…" Derek's mouth ventured lower, "you're imagining things," and once again, delighted in his wife's pleasurable, albeit, almost silent response.

Then, their goddaughter figured she'd been ignored long enough and let out a lout cry.

"It's ok sweetie," Meredith told her. "I'm right here."

The baby gurgled back, content at the sound of her godmother's familiar tone.

"That's right Kerry," Derek still didn't let go of his wife. "We're right here," and the baby cooed in response.

"Let me get her," Meredith said, and again the baby gurgled back.

"Mer," Derek said, this time, he stopped. "Listen…she's not complaining…she just doesn't want to be ignored. She's talking back to us."

"Don't be ridiculous," Meredith rolled her eyes. "Derek, she's five weeks old."

"Keep quiet," he pressed her lips against hers, "listen…"

The baby was quiet for a few seconds and then began to whimper.

"It's ok sweetie," Meredith said softly, and the baby cooed back.

Derek's laughter filled the room, "she's been carrying on a conversation…"

"You're crazy," Meredith said as she got out of bed and reached for her top, and continued talking to the baby. "Did you know that Kerry, your godfather is…"

"Mer," Derek chuckled, "she's still talking."

"Are you talking to me?" Meredith looked down at the happy baby in the heirloom bassinet, and Kerry rewarded her godmother with a new set of delighted sounds.

"You are," she felt Derek's body pressed against hers, "aren't you baby…and your godmother has no faith in me," the baby gurgled, "and thinks I'm brainless…" and then the baby smiled at them, a priceless morning greeting.

"Good morning, baby," Meredith lifted her and held her close, showering her with kisses. "You're just like your Uncle Derek…cheery in the morning, aren't you, " and the baby snuggled closer to her, trusting, content and secure in the arms of the woman holding her, making Meredith's eyes water, "and I love you so much…Kerry…so much," and Derek wrapped his arms around her.

"We do love you," he spoke to the baby, his hand caressing her cheek, "our perfect little angel," and turned around and faced Meredith, their godchild between them.

"You are," Meredith held her closer before placing her in Derek's arm, "little one," another kiss on the baby's cheek, "and you have your very own perfect, beautiful tiny angel. Brianna is always watching over you," she said of their daughter, more for his benefit and reassurances, confident that one day she'd be holding their newborn child.

"You know Kerry," Derek teased Meredith, "we're on to your godmother's tactics…she's handing you over so I can take care of changing your dirty diaper and…"

"Your very brainless," the baby gurgled, as Meredith smiled, "godfather is an ass…"

"Good thing," Derek chuckled, delighted the baby rewarded them with yet another new set of sounds, "Granma is not around…or she'd be wiping that smile off Aunty M's face," he teased his wife, "and all those dirty thoughts last night with lots of Palmolive."

"My dirty thoughts," Meredith giggled, the baby reacting as though she understood and smiled, "unlike you…" Meredith raised an eyebrow at him.

"Me," Derek teased back, "I just went along for the ride..."

"You went along," Meredith flirted with him, the baby between them no longer the sole center of attention as they indulged in a momentary sexy flirtation, "for the ride…"

"I love…" he told her, "being taken advantage of," and their carefree laughter symbolically welcomed the new day, while Kerry responded with a loud reminder that she was still there, and didn't take kindly being ignored.

"Ah…" Meredith cooed, "you don't like being ignored…even for just a few seconds…and you're right…your godfather is not being very nice…talking about things that aren't right for a baby's tiny ears…" her goddaughter smiled and cooed back her delight at being the center of attention once again.

"It's not," Derek leaned in and nipped Meredith's lips, "like you remembered that last night…you said and did some pretty dirty…"

"I did not," Meredith smacked him playfully. "You were the one…"

"Mer…no matter what…" he teased back, "you're always the loudest…and that's probably what kept her quiet…as she talked back to you…cause she could hear you…while I just respond to," another kiss, "you," one more, "very…very…" and one more, "quietly…"

"Oh my God, Derek… she'll kills us… we had dirty…and not so quiet…sex with Kerry in the room…she was listening…"

"Or thank us," he said huskily, kissing her silent. "She'll be glad…while she has Kerry still sleeping in her room, she won't mind if she and Rob don't have to worry about keeping her up at the slightest sound…"

Meredith laughed, "you're acknowledging your sisters have sex."

"Mer, I'm not that brainless…" he said and their laughter once more filled the room that not long ago had witnessed his emotional breakdown over their loss, and then helped them continue on a healing journey of hope; hope that one day their children would wake in the room of his childhood and welcome many new days filled with the promise of family, with the promise that began with two legendary lovers fated to be together for a lifetime and beyond.

"No," she admitted, kissing Kerry's forehead first and then his lips. "You're not."

"What she really means," Derek smiled at her after a lingering kiss, "Kerry…is that it's time I changed you…before," she'd managed to get her hand in her mouth, "we have a very hungry baby…letting us know…we're not keeping up with her…"

"I'll change her," Meredith told him, "you go get a bottle…and when she goes down again I need a shower."

"Go get your shower," Derek told her, his hand resting on her hip. "I'll take care of her."

"No…"

"Mer…" he smiled at her, the head cocked slightly. "I really do know what I'm doing…"

"Oh," she laughed softly, the sexual implication blatant, "I've no doubts that you do."

"See," he chuckled, "and then I get blamed…for…taking advantage…"

"I love you," Meredith leaned into him. "I won't be long," she said, but as she turned and walked away Kerry protested her absence with soft whimpers, which made Meredith take her from Derek, and they both kept her entertained while she was changed.

"All right," Derek picked up the baby, "we're going on a little adventure."

"An adventure," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"See that…" Derek ignored her, "I get no respect…none at all," the baby listened intently. "From any of the Shepherd women…"

"An adventure…Derek…"

"Yes," Derek told her, "an adventure…you try making it to the kitchen and back without any additional tiny nieces or sisters interrupting; the walls have ears Mer… this family is full of nosy people…"

"Go right ahead dear," Meredith said in response to the Shepherd women label.

"Dear…" Derek repeated, "dear?"

"Just go," Meredith laughed, "get her bottle, before she wakes up the entire house."

Meredith ran the water before stepping in the shower, ensuring a hot stream, and as she reached for the bottle of shampoo shrieked when she felt Derek's hands on her body.

"Meredith," he pulled her against him, "I thought we'd mastered silent…"

"Oh you ass," she glared at him, "where's Kerry?"

"Ma," he smiled at her, "was walking out of her room and took her from me. Said she'd feed her."

"Derek…we're supposed to be the ones…"

"Mer," he kissed her before saying, "she told me," a hint of mischief in his eyes, "she remembered you like morning sex."

"Oh my God…" Meredith blushed, "you're a dead man…"

"I'm kidding," he laughed. "She's always up by six…and wanted some time with Kerry."

"Just for that," she glared at him.

"Just for that…what…" he said huskily as he pressed his aroused body against her, and smiled, certain any protests of hers were moot.

"You…" her hands traveled to his hips, bringing him closer, molding her body to his.

"Uhmmm…"

"Have to wash my hair," and they both burst out laughing, and then the seduction began, slow…expertly…each further enticing…arousing each other…and the now well practiced silent echoes of pleasure and fulfilled desires...mingled with the warm cascade of water.

"Good morning," Derek's grin was replaced with a frown when he and Meredith stepped off the last step of the kitchen stairs and saw Mark holding Kerry as Cristina looked on.

"Mama Shep," Cristina smirked, "missed seeing today's first mcdreamied moment."

"Where's…Carolyn?" Meredith asked hesitantly, her first reaction was to take Kerry from Mark, but he seemed at ease enough.

"They all followed the priest and Kathleen's father in law out of here…like The Pied Piper," Cristina said just as Lexie joined them.

"That's actually," Lexie said, "not a very nice comparison."

"Why not? The pied piper led kids out of town…with a musical pipe, the kids were happy," Cristina shrugged.

"Yes," Lexie said, "but, actually, it's not a happy story, it's related to possibly the plague and the reason was not…"

"Lexie," Mark stopped her, "it's just an expression…not a big deal…"

"I know," Lexie rambled, "but, you should know where it comes from…and it's not always…well you know, all the glitters isn't gold and …"

"Lexie," Meredith shook her head, and smiled as she put a hand on her sister's shoulder, "where's Molly?"

"Laura is still sleeping," Lexie poured coffee for herself, Meredith and Derek.

"That's a surprise," Cristina said, "since these two were having sex and laughing rather loudly at six in the morning."

"We were not," Meredith told her, and the baby turned toward her voice.

"Yeah," Cristina munched on cereal. "You were. There's no way you were laughing htat much and didn't lead to sex. Thankfully, we didn't hear any shower sex noises."

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded, and unused to her tone, Kerry frowned.

"What," Cristina answered. "It's true, and Mama Shep knew that's exactly what was happening, we all did."

"Yang," Mark drawled, but smiled at the grip the baby had on his finger. "As disturbing as these two are…they may be right, we shouldn't keep track of their sex life."

"Thank you Mark," Meredith said, and the baby whimpered a bit, searching for her godmother. "Not to mention a very inappropriate conversation in front of a baby…"

Derek met her gaze and they shared a not so secret smile; one that did not go unnoticed.

"Were you a good girl for Granma," Meredith took her from Mark. "Did she feed you and then left you all alone with inexperienced strangers…"

"Hey," Mark complained, "I've got more experience with kids than you do…and…"

"Yeah," Cristina mocked, "that's why you freaked out when Mama Shep said she was leaving and you were in charge."

"No," Mark said, "I freaked out because I though she intended to leave her with you."

"What?" Meredith and Derek responded simultaneously.

"Relax, Mama Bear," Cristina said, marveling at her person's transformation around his family, the healing that in a few months had taken place. "It was only so she could put on her coat. She knew Lexie was on her way downstairs to supervise Sloan."

"Children…" Derek joked. "Behave…your mother's the one freaking out."

"Listen to them," Meredith said to Kerry, "your big cousins all being silly."

"It's freezing out there," Carolyn's voice took them all by surprise.

"Mom," Derek smiled, "you're back. Meredith was a little concerned about…"

"I was only gone a few minutes," Carolyn hung up her jacket. "Meredith, dear, what were you concerned about?"

"Nothing," Meredith glared at Derek.

"She was worried you'd left Kerry with Cristina and me…"

"I'd never do that dear," Carolyn said. "Cristina and I understand her limitations," and she added with a wink to Meredith, "at this time."

"Ma, what's this about the priest and Tom leading the kids out of here."

"They spent the night here," Carolyn explained as she moved around the kitchen, removing a chocolate cake from the oven. "Tom and Alice are feeding them breakfast."

"Ma," Derek chuckled. "Explain about the priest?"

"Thank God," Pat's voice followed a rush of cold air as she shut the kitchen door behind her. "Father Dennison loves to eat, especially Alice's cooking."

"The plot thickens," Mark commented.

"Mark Sloan," Patricia questioned, "what are you mumbling?"

"Derek wants to know why there was a priest here this morning."

"It's Sunday," Patricia replied as way of explanation.

"Aunt Pat," Derek insisted, "is Father Dennison usually here for breakfast on Sunday mornings?"

"Whatever for?" Pat replied, without really providing an answer. "Chocolate cake, fresh out of the oven, perfect breakfast."

"Keep your fingers away," Carolyn lightly slapped her sister's hand away. "That cake is for Meredith to take home."

"Good morning little one," Pat kissed the baby's forehead. "Did you let your godparents enjoy morning candy?"

Derek choked on coffee, Meredith's mouth opened and closed, Carolyn chuckled before commenting. "I believe I won that bet."

"You weren't kidding?" Meredith turned to Derek accusingly.

"Mer…I swear…I was…Ma…what …why are you betting…"

"I like to win," Carolyn smiled at them. "Surely, you don't think I took the baby from you just to spend time with her …did you sweetheart?"

"Well…" Derek answered. "Yes."

"Carolyn," Pat laughed, "when are we going to Seattle?"

"I'm about ninety dollars closer to buying a ticket then I was this morning," Carolyn said.

"Ma," Derek said, "you made a bet this morning…"

"And won," his mother smiled.

"You won ninety dollars, betting that we…that…" he shook his head.

"That you and Meredith would want some …candy time… together," his aunt explained, "and the bet was really about how long it would be before you joined us this morning."

"This…really…is rather disturbing…" Derek commented.

"It's ok dear," his aunt said, "it made Father Dennison happy."

Cristina's, who'd been hoping that bit of information would be revealed, or she'd have to find a way to do so, and Mark's roaring laughter filled Carolyn's warm and inviting kitchen.

"The priest…you told him…" Meredith asked incredulously, "and he's ok that you bet…that you're betting on…us…well you know…"

"He was delighted," Carolyn said. "He got half the earnings," and after a few initial seconds of silence, Meredith and Derek's laughter joined the others, including the littlest member of the family's own version of laughter.

"Mom," Derek said as they ate breakfast, "other than the obvious culprits present, except Lexie of course, who else bet for you to have that kind of money?"

"Dad," Cristina joked, "Lexie would have actually won…her guess was closest to Carolyn's."

"You bet," Derek turned to his sister in law, "you never bet…about Meredith…"

Lexie had a mouthful of a freshly baked muffin.

"Well?" Derek said.

"It…it was for a good cause…I mean…half went to Father Dennison and the rest…Carolyn's coming to visit…it's for her ticket…"

"She doesn't need money for a ticket," Derek said. "Anytime she wants to visit…all she has to do is tell me."

"Lighten up Derek," his aunt Pat instructed and sat next to Meredith.

"Kerry," Meredith spoke to the wide alert baby, "you're going to have to help me…aren't you little one…when you have baby cousins…we're going to have to watch for all these vices they're going to have from both sides of the family now…betting and gossiping…"

Cristina met Derek's gaze, a silent understanding. "She's healed. Your family, this baby, they've done this. You've done this, for her."

"And you. You, choosing to be here on this trip, completing her family," was his own silent response.

Patricia put an arm around Meredith's waist and whispered, "next year, at this time…you'll know."

Meredith turned to her, a momentary panic. "I'll know?"

"You will…" Pat answered, "and both of you…will be well and healthy."

"We will?" Meredith asked, "when it happens…you're sure …"

"Absolutely…" Patricia smiled, "absolutely…"

"Thank you…" Meredith whispered, "for sharing your gift with me."

"You trusted me with your heartache," Patricia spoke quietly. "There's no sin in giving you a glimpse of blessings to come."

"Mrs. Shepherd," Mark said, "you still haven't told Shep who was in on the betting," he was smiling, waiting for Meredith's reaction.

"Oh…that," Carolyn had joined them at the breakfast table. "The five of us obviously, and Tom, Jenna, Kathleen and Kevin."

"Jenna?" Meredith asked. "She was here?"

"I was on the phone with her this morning, and Kathleen and Kevin I saw at Tom and…"

"Mom," Meredith said, "why would she even know…"

"I was holding Kerry," Carolyn said as if should be obvious. "She could hear her."

"Oh God," Meredith groaned, "we'll never live this down, it will be worse than Maggie."

"Nothing," Patricia laughed, "is going to be worse than Maggie…saying s-e-x is candy."

The kitchen door swung open and the oldest and youngest granddaughters, except for Kerry, swept into the kitchen.

"Aunty M," Meghan ran to Meredith. "I missed you and Uncle D lots and lots…cause of we couldn't cuddle with you this morning," she took a breath before continuing, "cause of I spent all night with my big cousins Allie and Laurie we cuddled cause of they goes to school till Chwistmas…and when I was up and gonna come knock on your door…Dr. Cris said you was sleeping…cause you take care of my baby sister all night and you and Uncle D was tired…and then we went with Granpa Tom…and Father D said grace and we had the bestest bweakfast…but Laura is just a baby so she still sleeping and didn't came with us…but now…I gots to come to Granma's house and look after my baby sister so she doesn't miss Mommy…"

Meredith turned to meet Derek's gaze, then leaned into him and whispered. "I want this, all of it…"

"We'll have it," he drew her close and kissed her temple. "I promise."

Mark smiled at Lexie, and reached for her hand squeezing it lightly, and leaned in to comment. "Think …we'll be godparents next."

"Not yet," she smiled softly. "Pat's daughter is already pregnant...but…we will be."

Chaotic organization described the following hours at Carolyn Shepherd's household, as children and parents were reunited and made their way to Nancy's house for lunch, to be followed by dinner at Kathleen's.

The children and some adults delighted in the light intermittent snowfall of the last Sunday of November, signaling the beginning of the Christmas season throughout the Shepherd/Maloney households.

"Kerry…sweetie…" Jenna spoke tenderly to her daughter. "Mommy's missed you so much…but you've been in the best of hands," she smiled at Meredith, "so you can't have that frown on your face…we have to smile for Daddy so you can have a beautiful picture with Uncle Derek and Aunty M…because, Uncle Derek is so happy that he showed you the first snowflakes you ever saw…will you smile for him?"

"Let's show Mommy how you smile," Derek spoke quietly to the baby, bundled up in the pink snowsuit from her godparents. "All we need is to mention that I'm your brainless godfather," and the baby smiled, a gurgling sound along with it. "See…you're the smartest baby ever," he said as he took her from his sister, and Meredith put her arm around his waist, smiling as their goddaughter firmly grasped Meredith's finger, concentrating intensely as she listened to her godfather's every word, "and remember, I told you each snowflake is special…just like…you, the most special baby ever," he cuddled her closer and the baby opened her mouth, her tiny tongue sticking out as her father captured an amazing look of wonder as a snowflake landed on his daughter nose; the first of many photos to cherish in the years to come.

"Aunty M," Meghan walked up to Meredith who was sitting with Laura in the living room, as the little girl babbled on about her doll, who was all better after even Cristina had given her medicine. "I goes with you to Aunty Nancy's house."

"Meggie," Meredith tried to explain, "we only have one room for only one car seat, and you can't be in the car without one."

"But, you're leaving …and I wants to spend time with you," Meghan's eyes teared up.

"Sweetie, you're going to spend tonight with me. Remember, Uncle Derek and I are babysitting."

"But Laura gets to go with you" the little girl pleaded. "Aunty M, you need lutions."

"Meredith," Derek warned, he'd walked in on the conversation and saw Meredith's resolve weakening with Meghan's tears.

"I know." Meredith told him, and looked at him as Meghan had, "how can I fix it?

"You know what," Cristina chimed in, "I'll go with Mama Shep."

"Don't worry Cristina," Derek said, "she knows she needs a car seat."

"Meghan," Derek sat next to Meredith and sat the child on his lap,

"Uncle D," Meghan looked at him with teary blue eyes, "you a bwain doctor…and Mommy's a bwain doctor…talk to Mommy please and gets lutions…"

"T…M…" Laura's soft baby voice got their attention, "Meggie…boo boo…you fix?"

"Derek…" Meredith said, waiting for him to find the right answer.

"Oh boy," Jenna walked in the room, "you two are in serious need of training."

"Mommy," Meghan turned tear filled eyes to her mother. "You help Uncle D…I told hims you a bwain doctor and you gots lots of lutions…and Daddy…"

Jenna smiled at her daughter, "we have to find solutions to what sweetie?"

"Mommy…please…I a big girl and help Aunty M's sister take care of my fwiend Laura," and the three year old explained her plight, confident her mother would find the solution.

"Nancy," Meredith said hours after finding the perfect solution to Meghan's pleading. "You're probably the last person I should admit this too," she smiled, confident in the bonds of friendship and understanding that had developed over the months after their second meeting, "you know, showing you my weaknesses…but how do you do it, you're virtually on call 24/7…and you have five kids," she smiled at Kathleen, "I mean Kat is too, all of you are…but an OB and five kids…at least Kathleen gets to schedule her appointments…and Maggie has only two kids and their older… Jenna has help and…"

"Mer," Kathleen laughed, as she held a sleeping Kerry. "Take a deep breath."

Meredith did. "Just thinking about having one child…and being a surgeon, it's…overwhelming."

The Shepherd women were gathered in Nancy's kitchen handling final preparations for lunch. The rest of the adults were engaged in various activities that involved keeping kids occupied and entertained.

"Meredith," Maggie said, "you have nothing to worry about. You'll have all of us, not to mention Mom and Aunt Pat," she laughed, "dying to give all sorts of tips and want to pamper you and spoil Derek's firstborn."

"I'm sure," Kathleen said, attempting to steer the conversation away from first born children, "whenever you and Derek decide to have kids, you'll have all of us to help…and believe me…you'll get tips from five doctors who are moms and a troublemaking nun and…" she smiled at Carolyn, "a fabulous …meddling grandmother."

"Mer," Maggie walked over to Kathleen and took the baby, "I wouldn't be surprised if Ma moved to Seattle…you have no idea how long she's wanted a Shepherd baby, and if you think she's indulgent with Jenna…I bet..."

"Maggie," Nancy interrupted her, "don't exaggerate, Ma's perfectly content to wait."

"I'm not so sure," Maggie, the only sister unaware of the miscarriage, went on. "I think Ma's hinting at something…she's already trying to spoil Meredith with that chocolate cake…we've all craved it…when we've been pregnant."

"When it happens," Meredith said, her nervousness reflected as she fiddled with her bracelet; nervousness more about the fact that Maggie was the only sister that didn't know about her miscarriage, rather than how to care for her future children. "I'm going to need all the help and advice I can get."

"Mer," Jenna smiled at her, "you won't need much help…you've mastered family…and my girls are so attached to you already, even, or should I say, especially this little one," she walked to Maggie and kissed Kerry's forehead.

"Carolyn," Patricia said after she'd checked the dish in the oven, and then walked over to her niece and kissed the top of Kerry's head. "I think, we're going to have the chance to spoil one of your daughters… one closer to home…very soon."

Maggie met her aunt's gaze, unwavering. "You really believe that."

"With all my heart," Patricia hugged her. "Trust your instincts Mary Margaret, and have faith…it moves mountains."

"I love you Aunt Pat," Maggie whispered. "I want you to be right…but I'm so scared."

"As small as a mustard seed," her aunt referred to the biblical passage.

"Mom," Jason, Maggie's fourteen year old came in the kitchen, "we're starving…"

"It's barely eleven," Maggie said, "you can't be that hungry."

"Maggie," Meredith observed, "he's taller than Derek. I'm sure that means eating more than my healthy conscious husband."

"Mom," Jason smiled at Meredith, "we had breakfast at eight…Granpa Tom was over at the crack of dawn." The Shepherd grandchildren, never knew their grandfather, but always had grandfatherly figures, in particular Kathleen's father in law Tom, and their lifelong neighbor and friend, Grandpa Charles.

"Brunch's ready in ten minutes," Nancy said. "Tell everyone to start washing up."

"Jason," Meredith smiled at him, and he blushed. "Would you tell your Uncle Derek to remember he needs to get the car seats out of the van...maybe you can help him."

"Sure," the adolescent stuttered, "yeah…I'll he-lp him…"

"Oh…" Nancy joked, "Nikki was right, Maggie's baby has a crush on Meredith."

Kathleen laughed, "according to Nikki, he has a crush on an older woman, and Derek is none too pleased about it."

"Stop joking about my son's crush on his Aunt Meredith," Maggie defended, "and he doesn't think you're old at all. He probably thinks he can give Derek a run for his money…in a few years, when he's old and…no longer … roaring," she joked.

"Kat," Meredith teased her back, well aware of the story. "You're older."

"And wiser…" Kathleen quipped back.

"Yeah, you are…" Meredith hugged her, the immediate affection born months before in Seattle.

"Good thing," Kathleen smiled at her, "since I'm your favorite sister."

"Carolyn," Patricia shook her head, "what is it with your children and favoritism."

"You started," four nieces echoed the sentiment.

"Meredith," Patricia retorted playfully, "Kat's the older sister, don't forget that," she winked at her, "that leaves room for another favorite sister," and the women laughed and continued their banter.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie told her while having lunch. "Mister Mark was really lucky Granma and Aunt Pat wasn't around when we were playing, cause he used bad words…lots of times and Doctor Cris said we should tell you, cause you and Uncle Derek are in charge of him."

"Katie," Mark drawled, "what's with this Mister Mark… remember I said you can could call me Mark… since I've known you since the day you were born…"

"I know…Mister Mark…but Mommy and Daddy they say we gots to be rectful."

"Mister Mark," Meghan chimed in. "We could calls you Uncle Mark…cause of you's going to mawwy Doctor Lexie and she's Aunty M's sister and when Aunty M has babies, she be Aunty Lexie and you can be Uncle Mark…and Allie said it would be easy to dopt you and you be Uncle Mark… cause of you're going to get mawwied…"

"Oh, no," Lexie said, "Meghan, we're really good friends, but… we're not getting married…not like Meredith and Derek."

"But you spent all the time together," Katie observed.

"We're friends," Lexie rambled, "right Mark..." he remained silent, too silent for the observant women in the kitchen. "And we work together and we like each other…and talk a lot and enjoy spending time together, but no," a soft laugh escaped her, "definitely…not getting married."

Cristina met Pat's gaze, then Carolyn's and raised an eyebrow, earning a smile in response for them both; their thoughts confirming the conversation they'd shared on the way to Nancy's house.

"I," Allie tried to contain her laughter, not wanting to upset her youngest cousin, "I swear…that's not how the conversation went…"

"Don't even try," Rob said chuckling. "Allie, you know better by now."

Allie smiled, "I've been away from home too long and forgot how she remembers every detail of conversations, not necessarily in order."

"Tell me about it," Jenna rolled her eyes. "Rob's mom called this morning and asked about Derek's apparent love of c-a-n-d-y."

"Mommy," Katie interrupted her, "I know that spells candy," and beamed. "But, Nana said, cause I heard her voice on your phone, cause you was changing Kerry, she wanted to know why Meggie said Uncle D liked s-e-x so much."

The three second silence was followed by laughter and teasing. "Not to mention," Rob said, "an explanation over vampires and being married to a lion tamer."

"Aunty M," Meghan who had slipped on Meredith's bracelet, stopped and listened to the conversation, "cause of why you like animals…cause of you have animal charms…and you be lion tamer…but there's no lion on your bwacelet."

Cristina smirked, a smile forming slowly on her lips. "Meghan," she said, "that's because she likes to hear a lions roar."

"Aunty M," the little girl's eyes opened wide, "you goes to zoo lots of times to hear the lions?"

"Aunt Merdith," Katie questioned. "Uncle Derek said this was a panther, and they roar too, right?"

"Yes, Katie," Kevin chuckled, "panther's roar even louder than lions sometimes."

"Emma," Meghan turned to her cousin. "I share…you gets to wear the bracelet."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma examined the bracelet carefully. "Uncle Derek has really pretty taste…your necklace is really beautiful too…."

"Thank you Emma," Meredith smiled at the small version of Kathleen. "I think he does too, and both gifts are very special to me," she reached over for his hand.

"Mister Mark," Katie insisted, "but you went out real early this morning with Lexie," Meredith turned to her sister, a questioning raised eyebrow.

"I hadn't noticed before," Jenna changed the subject. "Derek, you and Meredith seem to like animal themes."

"Jenna," Carolyn warned. "The children."

"Granma," Katie said, "we love animals…"

"Think there's more to this zoo story," Maggie said. "Fess up Jenna."

"Just saying," Jenna shrugged. "Panthers, otters, turkeys, elephants…penguins…piglets."

"Mommy," Meghan said, "Kerry loves her stuffed turkey…and lamb…"

"Yes, sweetie," Jenna smiled, "she does. Sorry Maggie, I forgot about the lamb."

"Jenna, comparing baby gifts," Meredith said as she lifted Meghan to her lap, "to roars…is wrong on so many levels…"

"Mamma," Laura who'd been happily munching on lunch noticed Meghan now sitting with Meredith. "Go…MY T... M…"

"Aunty M," noting Laura's claim on Meredith, Meghan placed her small hand on her aunt's cheek to get her attention. "We played lots and lots and Katie and Emma and me we taked care of Laura," and Molly's daughter smiled and nodded. "We wants you to play with us," and Meredith complied as the time drew near for her family to head home.

"Mer," Lexie smiled at her sister, "you're very popular."

"T…M…" Laura touched the gold bracelet back on Meredith's wrist, "pwetty."

"You like my bracelet," Meredith smiled at the child sitting next to her with her doll, Meghan on her other side. "Let's see how it looks on you," she said.

"Laura," Meghan said to the smaller child. "I be good sharing," and she touched the charms on the bracelet Meredith had wrapped twice around her nieces's tiny wrist, and was still big on her. "This be a lion, cause Uncle D says it roars," and she imitated the sound, delighting the nineteen month old… and…this is a boat that's were Uncle D and Aunty M got mawwied…but it has a funny name…"

"MY…T…M…" Laura said, "boat…"

"Tell her Aunty M…the real name," Meghan said, and the two girls took turns claiming their Aunty M at various intervals until it was time for Molly and the Seattle family to begin making their way to the train station and airport respectively, and bidding farewell.

"Mark," Maggie said, "don't forget to accept me on your twitter."

"Maggie," he teased, "I'm not going to be on twitter, that's for girls."

"Admit it," Kathleen teased him, "you loved the account she just created for you."

"What the hell is twitter?" Derek asked.

"Oh my goodness," Katie reacted immediately. "Uncle Derek…that's very bad."

"You're right," Derek playfully grabbed his niece and placed her in front of him, as a shield, "you have to protect me from Granma…"

"Uncle Derek," Allie laughed, "how can you not know what Twitter is?"

"Even I know," Patricia said, "and I'm not nearly as young as you are."

"Not nearly as young," John joked. "You're not young at all…"

"Just you wait…" Patricia told him. "Making fun of me…and calling me old…"

"Aunt Pat," Emma said diplomatically, "Uncle John is just kidding… he was smiling the whole time and winked at Mommy…so we all know it was just teasing."

"I know dear," Pat said, "but, he's right I'm old…and that's why I know things…"

"Thank you," John had reached her side and hugged her, "for talking to Maggie."

"Be patient…" Pat hugged him back. "Have faith…she loves you very much."

"I love her too…even when," he choked up, "all these years…you helped…"

"Just remember, how blessed you've been, and how very much you need each other."

"Derek," Carolyn was saying as her sister and son in law spoke quietly. "Twitter is another social networking side…" she went on to explain, "except you're limited to 140 characters…and…"

"I don't get it," Derek shrugged, "doesn't seem like it's very productive and a bit immature."

"Tell that to the millions of people using it," Kathleen said, "really little brother, you have to get with the times, you need to spend more time with young people."

"Hey," Meredith said in mock protest.

"Don't pay attention to her Meredith," Laurie told her, "Mom's only just started to use it, after she found out Granma and Aunt Pat were following us."

"Ma," Derek chuckled. "You surprise me."

"I have to keep up with the times dear, and the application on blackberry keeps me posted on all sorts of things..."

"Like what?" Derek chuckled.

"Well you have trending topics," she explained, and then concluded. "But, I have to agree, it is often silly. I mean, some of the well-known personalities on there make me wonder how highly they think of themselves…"

"Mama Shep," Cristina said, "looks like you're talking about someone specifically."

"Oh yes, dear," Carolyn responded immediately. "There's this one writer and producer, she has one television drama that's brought her prominence in the public eye, and she described herself as a TV mogul, can you imagine, the arrogance?"

"Who is that?" Cristina asked.

"Yang," Mark said, "are you on Twitter?"

"Are you going to follow me?" Cristina asked.

"I don't think so," he laughed. "Just surprised you are."

"Unlike Dad," Cristina joked, "I keep up with the trends," and she paused, "maybe I'll follow you…I'm sure you'll brag about your conquests…well except Hahn…"

"Cristina," Meredith reprimanded, "that's not nice.

"He knows," Cristina said surprising Meredith, "it's not his fault. We've talked about it. Maggie, what's his twitter account?"

"Mcsteamy," Maggie said with a smile, and everyone proceeded to tease him.

"Mark," Carolyn took him aside for a few minutes. "I'm very proud of you."

"Mrs. Shepherd," he was taken aback, he didn't often hear those words.

"You father," Carolyn said, "called earlier."

"Why?" Mark questioned.

"To thank me," Carolyn said, "for you visiting. I told him I had nothing to do with it."

"Lexie," Mark said and paused. "She went with me."

"I know dear," Carolyn placed her hand on his cheek, "he told me. She's a good influence on you."

"She's a good friend," he stated simply.

Carolyn nodded, "yes, she is," and hugged him. "You're good for each other."

Mark, Lexie and Cristina said their corresponding goodbyes, in their own inimitable ways. "McBitchy…" Cristina said to Nancy. "It doesn't suit you anymore."

"You think not," Nancy raised an eyebrow, curious about Cristina's opinion.

"You've been good to her," Cristina said. "I can see that. All of you have helped her."

"Mom knew how much it meant to her for you to be here, " Nancy stated. "You're a good friend to her."

"She's my person," Cristina told her. "You should visit again. I think she'd like that."

Nancy smiled. "Cristina, you're her family, my brother's family. You're welcome in our home, anytime."

Meanwhile, Meredith gave her undivided attention to her young niece.

"T…M… home?" Laura asked as they sat on the couch.

"I'm going home tomorrow," Meredith told the little girl on her lap. Patricia had wisely taken the younger girls with her, giving Meredith and her sister time to say goodbye.

"MY T…M…home…twain and baby…play?"

"I think," Molly said, "she's asking if you're going home with her on the train."

"Oh…sweetie," Meredith ran her fingers through her niece's hair, "I have to stay here."

"Meggie stay?"

"Yes, because she lives here." Meredith explained.

"T…M…" Laura pointed to her necklace, "pwetty…big wuv…baby…wuv…"

"She's noticing there's two hearts, the smaller one…"

"Yes," Meredith's eyes watered, "it means love…big love," she repeated, "and baby love," she said, and her heart knew sadness at the depth of an innocent's child observation.

"Wuv…Mommy," Molly said pointing to the big heart first, "wuv my baby…"

"Mommy loves you too," Meredith smiled at Laura, "and your baby loves you."

"My baby," Laura smiled, "T…M…wuv baby," and held out the doll to Meredith.

"Yes," Meredith played along with her and kissed the doll's cheek.

"Baby love T…M…" Laura said, "baby all better…fix boo boo."

"We all fixed her," Meredith said, thinking of everyone that had helped care for the doll.

"Wuv…MY T…M," Laura said and kissed Meredith's cheek.

"I love you too," Meredith said as her eyes watered at the simplicity of a child's expression of love and the immense power of love to heal past wounds.

_A/N – 8/7/11 – July is a month that holds special memories and family gatherings throughout the years, as such, I began writing this chapter as all those memories and new gatherings unfolded over the last several weeks. Work, unfortunately, kept getting in the way, and this, of course, was meant to be one chapter as the Shepherd family spent one last day together… but, I realized today that there's quite a few conversations that have not taken place, that I've always envisioned would be part of this visit, and since I want to close all the loops of the story, there is one more part to this farewell. The next, and last part (of their visit) I hope to write next weekend. It will be followed by four more chapters in the "Our first…milestones…"_

_In case you're wondering, the Twitter conversation has been part of the outline of this story since I read Rhimes' Bio, though I've ignored timeline it appeared on her account._


	227. Chapter 227

_A/N – 11/7 - it's been a long while, but the story picks up where it left off…and wraps up their first Thanksgiving with family. I hope it is not boring… I wanted to wrap up (and set up) all past/future events/conversations, and I hate when things remain unresolved on Grey's, so I may be guilty of too much information._

_Thanks to all of you that continue to be interested in this story…I know, it is nothing remotely similar to what we see on Grey's in terms of a nurturing, tender, caring loving husband to Meredith in times of heartache, but I prefer this fictional Derek. If you read, please, do comment and let me know if you are interested in reading this as originally intended, or prefer a quick wrap up of the story, as I can't seem to write short dialogues…? Bear with me as I wrap up this family visit and get them back to Seattle, for the rest of a few more first moments they will share._

_Thanks Sue for your feedback on this…it's been so long, I needed a bit of perspective and it helped make this a better chapter; hence evening "candy" and morning quickie are a result of your very on target advice!_

_*** Meredith's Dream *** Can be found in Chapter 100 – Shattered Dreams._

_Matthew 17:20 "Because you have so little faith. I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, 'Move from here to there' and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."_

_**Ch 199 - Our first… Part 8 – End 2 of 2 **_

_**Our first…Godchild's Baptism…final farewells. **_

"_Wuv…MY T…M," Laura said and kissed Meredith's cheek._

"_I love you too," Meredith said as her eyes watered at the simplicity of a child's expression of love and the immense power of love to heal past wounds._

Laura looked up and smiled at Meredith, "MY T…M…wuw Mamma…"

"Meredith," Molly interrupted and spoke softly, wanting to spare Meredith from having to respond to her daughter's innocent comments. "Thank you, again…for thinking of inviting us."

"Thank you," Meredith said genuinely, surprisingly, expressing her doubts. "I wasn't sure…how you'd feel," her fingers nervously and instinctively going to her wrist, touching the bracelet. "I mean, after the last time I saw you," hesitancy and doubts resurfaced, "I wasn't sure...and I knew Lexie would definitely see you… so I brought the gifts…but…didn't really know if I should go with her…or how to reach out to you…"

Molly's hand rested on Meredith's arm. "I wish," she swallowed before speaking, "I'd stood up to him, for you. You didn't deserve to be treated that way, or the things he said, and," she paused, meeting her sister's gaze. "Mom would have wanted you there."

"It's in the past," Meredith took a deep breath, "and it worked out… right… your visit?"

"It worked," Molly said, as sentimental as her two older sisters, "perfectly. Mom, I'm sure is smiling," and Meredith's response was a gentle squeeze of Molly's hand.

"Pwetty…" Laura reached to touch Meredith's bracelet, and when she found the panther's charm, scrunched up her nose, so like her aunt, and imitated Meghan's roaring sound, then frowned. "No like," she shook her head, before she found the angel's face, "wuw baby…"

Meredith hugged her, closing her eyes for a second. "I love the baby too," and kissed her niece; knowing her daughter would likely have looked like the precious child she held.

Derek had been on his way to tell them it was time to go, but chose not to interrupted the scene that unfolded, allowing the sisters the time alone until he'd seen Meredith's, albeit subtle, emotional reaction to Laura's unintentional mention of Brianna.

"Here you are," he spoke and sat next to Meredith, immediately searching for her gaze, while his hand rested tenderly on her thigh. "Laura, how would you like to go play with Meghan and Katie before you go home?"

Laura smiled at Derek then looked at Meredith before turning to her mother expectantly. "Mamma," she questioned Molly, "MY T…D…MY T…M…home … pay ?"

Molly smiled shyly. "She's asking if you're going to go to her home, with her Aunty M and play," she translated. "She doesn't know the difference between uncle and aunt, and she hears the girls call you Uncle D…she'll get it right," she said almost apologetically.

"I think she has it just right," Derek said, and sat the toddler on his lap. "Laura," he met Meredith's gaze first. "We live far away, but next time we visit, your Aunty M and I will come see you and play at your home."

"Home…pay….go twain." The little girl smiled at him, "my T M…my T…D…Lexie?"

"Yes, but not this time," Derek kissed the top of her head. "Your Aunty M and I will come see you another day."

"Meggie pay?" Laura asked, moving on to the current moment, having only heard, yes!

"Yes," Derek said. "We can go find Meggie and play."

"Tank you," Laura gave him glowing smile.

"You're welcome," Derek smiled at her.

"T…M…" she spoke to Meredith, "T…D…fix Elmo."

"Yes," Meredith smiled at them both, "your Uncle Derek fixed Elmo."

"Wuv…T…D…" Laura smiled at Derek, "wuv Elmo…baby…" she handed him the doll for a kiss, leaving Derek at a loss, while she insisted. "Wuv…baby…kiss."

"Uncle Derek," Meredith teased, "you need to give her baby a kiss," and Derek complied, then the little girl's giggles were heard on their way to find Meghan and Katie.

"Never seen anything like this," Cristina mumbled to Mark as the corresponding farewells continued to unfold in Nancy's living room. "Breaking news," she snickered. "Flood in Sheperdville."

"Behave," Patricia whispered to Cristina.

"You have bionic ears too?" Cristina quipped.

"Just you wait," Patricia told her. "You'll be even worse."

"I'm not having kids," Cristina told her.

Patricia shrugged. "That's a possibility," the nun replied, then frowned.

"But," Meghan looked up at Carolyn with tear filled eyes, "Granma, she's my fwiend," the broken intakes of breaths, "and she gots no sisters…like me…and Kerry and Katie…and…Emma…and…Rebecca…"

"Mamma," Laura turned to her mother. "Me no go…no twain Mamma…stay," then got up and hugged her newfound friend, and with all the determination a nineteen month old could muster, shifted her pleading. "T…M…me stay…Mamma stay… pease…"

Meredith turned to Carolyn, sentimental tears gathered, seeking her help, and instantly had her mother in law by her side. "You can do it…just remember…she's like Jenna."

"We're all like Jenna," Meredith whispered, as she sniffled. "What do I do? Look at them," she pointed to the two little girls hugging each other.

"Speak from the heart," Carolyn hugged her. "You'll need practice."

"You're just as bad as Jenna," she said to the equally sentimental grandmother, "that's where it all started, I'm on to you."

"Meredith," Carolyn whispered as sentimental tears, though mixed with a smile, indeed shone in her eyes, "don't you dare repeat that…I'm no softie."

Meredith reached both tiny girls and sat on the floor, pulling them to her lap. "Meghan," she spoke softly; motherly, soothingly. "Laura, you had a really good time playing this weekend…didn't you…and you each got to meet a new friend…"

"Yes," Meghan hiccupped, Laura nodded in agreement. "That's cause of why I wants Laura and her Mommy to stay…Aunty M…cause of they don't have sisters at home, cause of you're here and Doctor Lexie…and…"

"Well," Meredith said, pausing, praying for guidance. "Meggie, you're a big girl, and you understand…how when you go to one of your Aunt's house… you get to play all day, but then you go home with your Mom and Dad…and you get to see them again another day."

"But, Aunty M…see…she's cwying…she wants to stay…"

"T…M…me stay…" the almost identical tiny version of Meredith whimpered, and her aunt kissed them both, and began to weave a tale of future promises.

"Laura's never done this before," Molly told Lexie, trying to remain unaffected, especially after seeing Lexie was predictably emotional and sentimental.

"She's never had family," Lexie's eyes watered, "all her family…before…"

"Alexandra Caroline," Molly said, "don't you dare…get me started…"

"Oh wow," Cristina observed with Mark nearby. "Mer's just like them. It's going to be five chatty leaky faucets or waterpots!"

"Yang," Mark, well used to the Shepherd farewells, figured the Grey sisters were a mild comparison. "Shut up."

"Oh…my God…" Cristina turned to him, catching somewhat of a longing look in his eyes. "You're …" she began, but further mockery was silenced with one look from Carolyn, who'd refrained from going over to hug Meredith.

"So," Meredith said cheerfully to her nieces, "no more tears…" and both girls nodded. "You're going to get to play together again when Uncle Derek and I come to visit…"

"And," Meghan nodded again, "you gets to stay at my house…and we do a sleepover in my room…with Laura and Katie…and Kerry…"

"I'm not sure about Kerry," Meredith said protectively, "she's just a baby…"

"But, Aunty M," Meghan argued her point, "my baby sister behaves really good…"

"Baby," Laura nodded, "pwetty…baby sister…"

"Kerry's a very good baby," Meredith smile, thinking of her godchild, and spoke to them both, "but….she'll still need to sleep in her crib…ok…but," she smiled at Laura, "you'll have your baby," she pointed to the doll, "to keep you company."

"Ok," the petite toddler answered. "My baby," she said possessively; a newfound trait inspired by Meghan. In the minutes that followed Molly and Jenna joined the conversation and were left to maintain the calm leading to the imminent departure, as Jenna placed Kerry in Meredith's arms.

Meredith was at Cristina's side as they watched Mark bring his hand to the recently pulled earlobe, before chuckling and lifting Patricia off the ground in a bear hug.

"What?" Meredith asked, when she noticed Cristina's prolonged observation of the scene between her nieces and their mothers.

"God help you," Cristina turned to Meredith. "It's going to be five chatty waterpots with great hair."

"I'm not having five kids…" Meredith responded quickly, hugging Kerry.

"Two…three…five… look around you, if it's more than one, does it really matter?"

Meredith smiled at her friend, "I'm not having five kids."

"Mer," her friend answered. "The way Shepherd takes one look at you…and…"

"I'm not having five kids," Meredith's eyes opened wide to emphasize her point.

"I hope," Cristina said seriously. "Mcdreamy is not that good at convincing…"

Meredith's laughter filled the room, "oh…" she said, "he's that good."

"Mer," Cristina stopped her. "Seriously, you have to use protection…"

"We do," Meredith's eyes sparkled.

"Not birth control," Cristina said, "against the mcdreamied moments, he can probably convince you to have a baseball team…"

"Cristina," Meredith smiled at her. "Trust me, there's no way I'm pushing five kids…"

"Got it." Cristina interrupted the mere thought of it, "just remember that."

Meredith smiled, looked over at the intermittent weepy pleadings of her nieces, and commented. "My kids… will have you, right…teach them to be hardcore?"

"Survival…skills," Cristina said. "Among the flooding…" and both women laughed.

The alert and ever curious baby in Meredith's arms joined in the laughter with her own version of coos and gurgles, delighting her godmother.

"Protect yourself against that too…" Cristina commented, and the baby frowned on cue.

"Don't listen to that grouch," Meredith snuggled the baby, who smiled immediately at the tone of her godmother's voice, "that' s right," Meredith giggled at Cristina's roll of the eyes, "she's just a big grouch…and brainless like your Uncle Derek," earning a new set of gurgling sounds from the baby, and even Cristina could not resist a smile.

"Ok now. Kids," Derek addressed Mark, Lexie and Cristina, to the delight and laughter of his younger tiny nieces. "You better behave on the airplane, because if you don't…"

"Uncle D," Meghan giggled, "you gonna put them in time out… cause of Granma…says they're your kids…and they won't get to do surgey's…cause of you're the boss."

"That's right," Derek lifted Meghan in his arms, "the three of you, behave," he laughed at the joke shared earlier during lunch; one Meghan had remembered with perfect timing, "or you'll be banned from surgeries."

"The boss," Cristina smirked.

"Ass," Mark mumbled, earning a slap on the back of his head from Nancy and Kathleen.

"Granma," Katie reacted, "quick…you need to wash out their mouth before they leave."

"Mark Sloan," Carolyn pulled on his ear playfully, "you better behave…and take care of your sisters…you're the oldest."

"Yes, ma'am…" Mark consented; smiling at the familiar motherly tone.

"Mister Mark, you gots to say…yes Granma…" Meghan giggled.

"Yes, Granma," Mark repeated as he grabbed Meghan and threw her up in the air.

"Mister Mark," Meghan's laughter was contagious, as the other girls laughed. "I like you…come back with Doctor Lexie and Doctor Cris…ok…"

"What the he…heck…made them doctors and I'm mister," he turned to Jenna.

"I not know," Jenna winked at him, sounding just like Meghan. "You'll have to ask my daughter," she placed an arm around his waist, "which means…you've been gone too long…Mark…I'm glad you and Derek are ok…I've missed you…"

"I've missed you too," Mark said, hugging her tightly. "Didn't think you'd forgive me."

"Derek did," Jenna said simply, "and Meredith says you've been her knight…"

"Half her knight," he joked, "sometimes, I wonder if he really has," his doubts, rarely spoken, surfaced.

"You were going to be godfather to their firstborn," Jenna whispered, making sure only he heard. "He's forgiven you."

"Sloan," Cristina called out, "we have to get going. Bailey will be on the warpath if we don't make our shifts.

"She doesn't scare me," Mark said.

"Yeah," Derek and Cristina snorted simultaneously. "Right," and the banter began, further delaying the inevitable farewells; the promise to attend future family gatherings committed to by Meredith and Derek's three children!

Reluctantly, Kerry was placed by her godmother in the portable crib for a nap; her grandmother had insisted, in spite of her two oldest granddaughters' intent to hold her. Carolyn held her ground, and had told them they had plenty of time while she was awake at their home later that afternoon.

Carolyn and Patricia smiled at each other as they watched the scene outside Nancy's front yard. Derek held Meghan in his arms, while Meredith had her arm around his waist and both _Shepherd_ ladies waved to the passengers in the van.

"Ailene," Patricia winked at her sister, using the much loved childhood name. "Are we getting too old to handle more grandbabies?"

"Bite your tongue," Carolyn told her, "it's Mary that's too old," and their laughter was interrupted by a handful of grandchildren.

"Grandma," Michael, Nancy's son was the first to speak on behalf of the group that included sisters Nicole and Amanda, and Maggie's boys. "We want your help."

"Carolyn," Patricia commented. "Sounds like this is serious business."

"Actually," John Christopher, Maggie's oldest said. "Aunt Pat, we need your help too."

"JC," his brother Jason joked, "we not only need her help, we need her direct intercession on prayers."

"What," Carolyn said guardedly, "are you all up to?"

"Grandma," Michael began, "Uncle Derek and Meredith…"

"Michael," his sister Nicole interrupted, "Uncle Derek will think it disrespectful if you don't call her Aunt Meredith."

"No, he won't," Jason assured him and blushed, "Meredith told me it was ok…that she understood why we'd called Addison Aunt…and Uncle Derek listens to her…"

Amanda, Nancy's ten year old interrupted him, "trust me," she said in a wisely tone that forced her grandmother and aunt to contain their laughter. "If you call her Aunt Meredith, it will make things a lot easier."

"This," Carolyn joked, "is sounding like a scheme…worthy of the trouble making nun."

"It's nothing bad," Michael said again, "trust us…" and the five grandchildren began courting the two Maloney matriarchs.

Meanwhile, while the Maloney matriarchs agreed to an innocent scheme, Meredith and Derek were finally alone after Carolyn's insistence they take her car to Kathleen's; giving them a break from kids and family.

"Derek," Meredith's light laughter warmed his heart as he released his seat belt; his flirtatious gaze on her. "We can't…"

"What," his eyes sparkled, "I haven't done anything…"

"But," she teased, "you're thinking about it…"

"You're right," he smirked, "we can't."

"Don't you dare," she giggled, her hand resting high on his thigh, "change your mind."

"Bossy," he teased, "aren't you?"

"Only," she teased back, "when it's about…sex…" and their laughter filled the small confines of the car, as he bridged the very small distance between them and lifted her to his lap; his lips trailing kisses along the column of her neck.

"More," he whispered hoarsely, "like stolen moments of foreplay," and she silenced him with a kiss before either spoke again for a long while.

"Or," Meredith said breathlessly, "horny teenagers on the front seat of a car…"

"We," Derek said equally breathless, "are not teenagers…"

"Yeah…" she agreed, "but horny…is another matter…"

"One," he kissed her deeply, "matter…we better stop…till tonight…"

"Promises…promises," she smiled upon his lips.

"Damn right…" he said, and the resolve to stop was once again put on momentary hold, as they teased each other just enough…while behaving, somewhat, like mature, lusty lovers.

"Derek," Meredith said as they walked up to Kathleen's front door, "do I look…"

"Like," he teased, eyebrows lifting seductively, "you have sex hair…"

"You ass," she laughed. "Do I?"

"No," he said, and found her lips again before opening the front door.

"Derek," Meredith said, "you can't just go in …without knocking…"

"Sure we can," he reached for her hand and kept walking, "we just did…"

"It's rude," Meredith said.

"The door was open," he pulled her along toward the kitchen, "it's expected we're all going to walk in, just ask Kathleen," and walked in unannounced.

"Oh," Meredith gasped softly. "We're interrupting," and turned to walk away.

"Don't go," Kathleen said, her voice breaking, as she wiped away the tears.

"But," Meredith said as she squeezed his hand, and pulled him towards the door.

"You," Kathleen sniffled, "already know…"

"What…" Derek said and turned to Meredith, "do we know?"

"My babies," Kathleen said while Kevin stood behind her, rubbing her shoulders.

"Your babies…" Meredith said, as she glanced at the two oldest Shepherd granddaughters sitting across their mother and smiling at her and Derek.

"Yes," Kathleen said, "they just told us…" she reached for Kevin's hand, "and that you already know, because you'd talked…Allie wants to be a Supreme Court Justice," she reached for her daughter's hand, "honor Daddy's memory…." she did not hide her pride or sentimental reaction, "and Laurie," she released Kevin's hand and reached for her other child, "is going to be a psychiatrist," she took a couple broken breaths, "because of me…"

"Mom," Laura, the younger daughter said, "you're as bad as Aunt Jenna…"

"Oh, be quiet," Kathleen said, and stood up to be immediately hugged by her husband, who was not immune to the teary reaction, "I can be as sentimental and cry all I want when my babies," she turned to Kevin, "our baby girls…"

"I know," Kevin kissed the top of her head, "our baby girls… are making us proud."

News of the oldest grandchildren's decision spread fast and after dinner, Shepherdville celebrated in style; ice cream sundaes for the children and Veuve Clicquot for the adults. The toast to future successes; at their uncle's indulgence, included half a flute for the girl's 17 year old brother Kyle and their cousin Jennifer, Nancy's 16 year old.

Carolyn, proud and speechless at Allie's impassioned and moving reasons, as well as Laurie's, spent a moment alone with her granddaughters and Kathleen, all four women sharing a deeply emotional conversation.

"Aunt Pat," Maggie accused as the evening wore on, "you're blatantly cheating."

"Mary Margaret," Carolyn defended her sister, "that is not a nice thing to say about your aunt."

"This is going to be good," John's booming laughter followed the snickers and giggles of the older grandchildren.

"Amanda," Nancy asked her daughter, "what is going on?"

"Mom, we're just playing Monopoly," she answered, stealing a quick glance at Aunt Pat.

"Just playing Monopoly," Nancy's husband Mike said. "You don't usually like to play with Aunt Pat," he taunted, "she cheats."

"Mike," Carolyn said, "all of you, leave us alone to finish the game."

"Ma," Maggie protested, "how can you let her cheat…right in front of you…what kind of example is that for the kids?"

"Mary Margaret," Carolyn shifted her attention from the game and challenged, "are you suggesting…I'm being dishonest?"

"Ma," Nancy laughed, "you're as bad as Aunt Pat, except, the poker face."

"Aunt Nancy," Katie who was entertaining her younger sisters but never missed a beat, complained, "they're not letting us play... and it's not nice, will you play with us…"

"Play with us," Meghan insisted, "cause of you can teach us to win cause of Kyle said Uncle Mike was real good at cheating," she whispered, "so they had to keep him away so they can win…and they can go to Uncle D's and God's jungle…and Aunty Maggie can play, cause of she's not good at mopoly…and Uncle Kevin too cause of he gets tracted…cause of Aunty Kat."

The siblings and spouses, gathered around Kathleen's basement adults, first silenced by incredulity, then burst out laughing, at the perfect way Meghan used Nancy's original dubbing of Derek's land as god-forsaken wilderness, and Kevin getting distracted.

"We've been had," Kevin shook his head, and pulled Kathleen down on his lap. "I'm afraid to ask what for."

"Frankly," Patricia said seriously, "Carolyn and I are deeply offended…"

"Since when," Kevin nuzzled Kathleen's neck, "has she spoken for Ma?"

"We are offended," Carolyn said, "to think…we would ever agree to cheat…"

"Ma," Maggie protested, "you saw her…blatantly…"

"Mary Margaret," her mother said, "mind your manners…"

"Oh…shit…" Mike laughed, "what have these to old…troublemakers done…"

"You are all very disrespectful and ungrateful as we try to keep your children entertained, and the hours upon hours…while you're…"

"Aunt Pat," John said, "fess up."

"There is nothing to fess up," Carolyn winked at the grandchildren at the table, and began her explanation. "We simply played on behalf of the children…" and hours later, Meredith and Derek would laugh at the kids' ingenuity to get to Seattle.

"Kat," Meredith walked alongside her sister in law, "this is such a warm inviting home. I can understand why Allie and Laurie want to squeeze out every minute before going back to school…they're so lucky," she said, if not a bit melancholically.

"Mer," Kathleen sniffled yet again, "they make me so proud…when they told us today what their plans are…"

"You Shepherds are a bunch of sentimental," Mer sniffled herself, "saps…"

"We are not," they're conversation was interrupted as Carolyn suddenly appeared at their side and walking between them, linked her arms through both women, "it's the Maloney genes," and the three of them laughed as they walked in to Emma's room.

"Uncle D," Katie said, "you didn't grow any. But, we gots bigger…remember Uncle D…when you was here…"

"Ungle D," Meggie giggled, "me was tall like Princess Bella…all the way to her nose…and now I gots to her eyes….and Emma and Rebecca are closer to Cinderella now…don't you remember?"

"Uncle Derek," Emma smiled at him, ever the diplomat. "I think it's ok that you don't remember, you don't have little kids to read to about Disney princesses."

"But," Rebecca, Nancy's eight year old and youngest child, smiled as she saw her aunts and grandmother walk in the room, "just think…if we all came to visit…you could get lots of practice."

Carolyn Shepherd came to the rescue. "How about," she said, "if I get to spend time with my favorite youngest granddaughters…and read you a story before bedtime…"

"Granma," Meghan ran to her and raised her hands to be lifted. "Shush," she placed her small index finger over Carolyn's lips, "remember... so we don't hurt no feelings…cause of you love all my cousins…just the same."

"How could I forget," Carolyn winked at Meredith who had her arm around Derek; her daughter Kathleen, had walked over to hug Emma, proud of her youngest daughter's sensitivity, and attempt to make her uncle feel better. "I think…since we're in Emma's room…she gets to pick her favorite book…"

"I love Emma's books," Katie said, "but first…" she grinned, "Granma, we get to measure you?"

"Oh oh…" Meghan said, "Katie, I don't think it's a good idea…cause of last time…Granma shrunk," and Kathleen and Carolyn attempted to hide their laughter, as Meredith and Derek looked at each other, presumably at a loss of words as to how to handle the statement.

"Come on you two," Kathleen laughed, "it's time we spent some time together."

"But…" Meredith said, "first…I've got to check on Kerry…"

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "she's fine… the girls," she referred to her older granddaughters, "have her. Enjoy some grown up time, you'll have little ones again tonight."

The four remaining siblings and their spouses indeed enjoyed the rest of the evening; Carolyn kept her eye on the children; Patricia a willing assistant, as her children had made their way to their homes early that morning.

"Meredith," John said, "you have to be very careful around here… the kids jump at every opportunity to get what they want…and recruiting Mom and Aunt Pat, I have to admit was damn clever."

"You're saying that now," Maggie teased him, "wait till you have to put up with the boys' incessant whining about going to Derek's jungle," everyone laughed, recalling Meghan's earlier reference.

"I'm not sure," Derek heard Meredith's nervousness in her voice, followed by the familiar and immediate twirling of the bracelet around her wrist. "How we'd manage to have more than one, maybe two kids visit us, we're at the hospital all day…and how do we choose…I mean, talk about playing favorites…I don't want them to think…"

"Meredith," Kathleen assured her, "don't worry… they know Christmas is spent at home together, and they won't all be off at the same time will summer."

"There is spring break," Maggie teased, "we could send them all out there then…"

"Mary Margaret," Patricia noticed Meredith look of panic, "behave. How would you like all fifteen kids at the same time?"

"To be fair," Nancy said, "the three oldest don't count…they actually could help, and we could get rid of Ma and Aunt Pat at the same time...have some peace and quiet," and the sisters laughter filled the room.

"Mer," Maggie said, "don't worry…I may be the first one to threaten to send my kids your way…but, there's no way I'd have peace of mind knowing there's bears nearby."

"There are no bears," Meredith told her. "We…" she looked at Derek, "we don't."

"That's not what Sloan and Shep said," Michael commented, earning a sharp elbow nudge from Nancy.

"What?" Meredith turned to her husband, "you said…" and then her voice rose, "you…you promised, Derek…you lied to me… and you'd risk having our babies living on a cliff with bears," and her hand went instinctively to the heart necklace, "you…"

"You ass," Maggie said to her brother in law, "look what you started."

"I was kidding," Mike said. "How was I supposed to know there's a real chance that…"

"There are no bears," Derek said, though realistically understood there was a slight possibility. "Meredith, we've never seen bears…there's no reason to think …"

"Derek," she cupped his face, and frowned at him. "Are you indulging my denial?"

"Mer," he said honestly. "We've never seen bears…"

"You're right," she nodded, and kissed his lips quickly, and then turned to his siblings and their spouses. "If you want to see our forty-acres of wilderness," she reached for his hand, "you better visit soon…because, we're selling it…we're not living there with kids."

"We're WHAT?" Derek was stunned.

"You know what," Meredith said, "fences don't keep bears out," and the rest of his family was genuinely amused by their banter, and happy their brother had found happiness, and love, at last.

Long after the day began with a sprinkling of snow, it ended; the warmth of family enduring, the love of siblings extended, genuinely, to the newest member of the Maloney women.

"Mer," Derek slid into bed, playfully reaching for her ankle. "Katie and Meghan are asleep…finally, it took two stories…where do they get the energy?"

"I don't know," Meredith smiled seductively, as his hands massaged her ankle and traveled further up her leg. "Same as where you get yours…" and she giggled.

"So…" he raised an eyebrow, "I attempt to seduce my wife," his lips were on her bare leg, "and she giggles…and mocks me…"

"You like that," she snuggled Kerry closer, as the baby drank her bottle. "Sex and mockery."

He stopped. "I hated that," he admitted and met her gaze.

"I know you did," she said more seriously, then, biting her lip looked down at the baby.

"Hey…come on…" he was quickly at her side, "I don't want you all serious," he kissed her temple. "Mer…we've talked about this…it got us here…married…"

"I know," she said softly, but her worries were reflected as she continued to bite her lip.

"What's going on," he drew her closer, "what's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said, "really…just thinking," Kerry had closed her eyes and stopped drinking, so she took the bottle out of the baby's mouth and wiped the small milk bubble from the side of her mouth.

"About what," he took Kerry to burp her, the baby protesting a bit at being awakened, but quickly and loudly burped twice. "Meredith…" he prompted, "no secrets…"

"It's not that," she told him, and he clearly knew there was something.

"Then what?"

"Derek," she looked at him, seriously.

"Mer…you're worrying me…"

"You don't really want five chatty babies… do you… I mean…a couple of kids… I do want them…maybe even…"

Derek looked at her and smiled, "you're worried I want five kids…"

"All your sisters…Derek, they have tons of kids…and…Cristina said…"

"Cristina," he shook his head, "has you thinking I want five kids…"

"Well," Meredith admitted, as he held the baby, "look at you… you're great with her…and the other fourteen kids… and she told me I was no match for your mcdreamied," she smiled now, "charm…"

Derek laughed, disturbing Kerry and earning a protest from the sleeping baby. "Let me put her down," he said, and joined his wife in bed moments later.

"You're going to make fun of me," Meredith said, "aren't you?"

"No," Derek leaned over her and kissed her. "I want you to tell me why you think I'd want five kids…Meredith…one would be enough, if that's what you want…"

"It would…" she asked him, "just one?"

"Yes," his hand cupped her face, his thumb caressing her check lovingly. "I want you to be happy, Meredith, that's all that matters to me."

"I don't want just one baby Derek…if we can have kids…" her doubts ever so often resurfaced due to her miscarriage.

"Mer," he assured, "there's no reason to think you won't have a healthy pregnancy…you know that."

"I do," she held his hand. "But…what if I can't…"

"Then," he said, "we'll deal with that if it happens. Whatever is meant to be…as long as we are together…it will be ok."

"Derek," Meredith said. "I can't imagine having five kids."

"Neither can I," he admitted. "I'm too old to start that now."

"I love," she teased him, "my old beast…"

"Old beast…is it..." he pretended to roar; an aging roar that made her laugh, and then she curled into him, kissing him passionately.

"Old beast," she said breathlessly, "that never fails to rise to the occasion," and she reached for him, and the night, as quiet as the snowflakes making brief contact with the windows, was witness to a night made for lovers; two lovers pleasuring and fulfilling each other's every desire.

"Can you believe it," Derek said in the early hours as Meredith fed Kerry her first morning bottle, "Aunt Pat and Ma cheating while playing monopoly."

"The kids really want to come and visit," she whispered, hoping Kerry wouldn't be too distracted and go back to sleep. "But, they really didn't cheat Derek…"

"Really?"

"Well…Mom just let them win…I mean Aunt Pat admitted to cheating but for a good cause…whatever team won…got to choose where to go for their summer vacation…"

"You're defending them?" Derek asked.

"Derek, I had pink hair…and partied till…"

"I get it," he said. "God help us…if our kids are more Grey than Shepherd."

"Hey," she punched him playfully, and in perfect timing Kerry kicked her little legs against his chest. "Even Kerry agrees, don't you baby?"

"I thought you didn't want her to awake…you wanted her to go back to sleep?"

"Well," Meredith told him, "I can't very well ignore she's brilliant at recognizing her brainless godfather," and the baby gurgled, "can I?"

"No…" Derek laughed, kissing them both, "you can't. Besides, I was a music geek."

"Derek," Meredith said quietly, "pink hair and all …you didn't do so bad…did you… with me?"

"I couldn't have done better," Derek met her gaze, "I have the love of my life."

"Me too," she said, eyes watering.

"Don't ever doubt it, Meredith. I love you."

"I love you too," and their godchild agreed and released the bottle, and gurgled and talked to her very enthralled godparents.

"Granma," Meghan said, "but it's morning time…and we gots to go to school, and I gots to see my baby sister…and Uncle D…and Aunty M…"

"So much for going back to sleep," Derek smiled at her, and then the knock on the door confirmed they had visitors, and got up to open the door. "I hope our kids aren't early risers like Jenna's, it's five o'clock in the morning."

"You're going to go back to sleep," Meredith spoke tenderly to Kerry, "aren't you…after your sisters are on their way to school with Granma…it's time for a nap," the baby cooed back, wide alert, "and you're going to let Uncle Derek and me have a long nap…to catch up on all that sleep we didn't get last night," and her goddaughter frowned in disagreement. "Well…you may disagree now," Meredith laughed, "but…I can always hand you over to Granma," and on cue, the baby pouted and began to whimper. "Oh…no…" Meredith snuggled her, showering her with kisses, "sweetie…I'm kidding…I'm going to spend every moment I can with you."

"Aunty M," Meghan smiled, "Me and Katie have to get ready for school…cause of it's Monday…and Granma said we can't miss school…but…we get to cuddle with you…cause of you going home…and we won't see you for a long long time…and I'll be big but I still will come and cuddle with you…right Aunt M…I can still cuddle with you?"

"Yes," Meredith smiled, "you can…even when you're bigger," and she met Derek's gaze as the two younger siblings greeted each other.

"I love you Kerry," Meghan said before kissing her baby sister on the cheek. "Were you a good baby…cause of Mommy is gonna ask Aunty M and Uncle D…if you slept all night long," and her baby sister talked back to her, delighting her godparents.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie rushed in the room, "we get to cuddle with you…just a little, cause we gots to go to school…but Granma says it's only five in the morning and after we sleep a little longer we gots to have a hot breakfast first."

"Oatmeal," Derek grinned, "homemade."

"I can do that you know," Meredith told him.

"I know," Derek agreed, "you're a good breakfast cook…especially scrambled eggs," and his eyes sparkled, "and instant Quaker Oaks packages."

"Ass," Meredith mouthed.

"I love you too," Derek laughed, and leaned over Kerry and Meghan who were on the bed between them.

"Mommy and Daddy do that a lot," Katie told Meghan, "all the time…"

"Cause of they like kissing…" Meghan nodded. "Katie…I think s-e-x is better."

"Yep," Katie nodded, "it's lots better…when you get lots of candy…."

"Derek," Meredith smiled at him, "can we have more candy?"

"Playing with fire?" Derek teased.

"Oh no," Katie said. "Uncle D, playing with fire is very bad and angerous."

"Katie," Meredith glared at him, "Uncle Derek is a little confused, he really meant to ask me if I had seen a movie that was called Playing with Fire."

"Oh…" Meghan nodded, "that's cause of why Mommy and Aunty Kat…and Aunty Maggie and…Aunty Nancy say Uncle D is bwainless…cause of he gets confused and says the wrong thing…"

"Yes," Meredith agreed. "That's why they say he's brainless," and the littlest Shepherd responded with a smile before her hand made it to her mouth, and her godmother knew this time, a pacifier would do, and soon would lull the baby to sleep.

"Time to cuddle," Derek said, "it's another hour or more before we have breakfast."

"Another hour?" Meredith questioned.

"Yep," Derek told her. "Ma said so, and then she's going to take Kerry so we can have a long long nap."

"I no like naps," Meghan said sleepily, snuggling into Meredith.

"She will," Derek smirked.

"Oh my God," Meredith smacked him, "who are you? Mark?"

"That hurt," he rubbed his shoulder.

"It was meant to," Meredith glared at him. "Kid practice Derek…how much are you going to need of it?"

"More than you," he smiled at her lovingly, "apparently…"

"Aunt Merdith," Katie said, "we gets to visit you... Aunt Pat said so…cause of she said…Uncle Derek needs lots of kids practice…"

"That troublemaking nun," Derek mumbled.

Meredith laughed softly, and caressed his face, "it's ok…we can be brainless together."

"You're mocking me…" Derek pouted.

"Never," Meredith caressed his face, and reached to entwine their hands. "I love you."

He smiled; that mcdreamy smile, "I know…I'm irresistible."

"Yeah," Meredith agreed, "you are."

"Katie," Meghan whispered, "Mommy and Daddy don't talk so much…"

"Ok…" Meredith giggled, "cuddle time," and she lay on her side, cuddling the two older sisters, making sure Kerry was safely snuggled in Derek's arms, and remained so until it was time to join Carolyn for breakfast.

"Alone," Derek nuzzled her neck, as they lay spooning, "at last…"

"Don't even think," Meredith teased, "I'm going to do anything but sleep."

"Not even," he breathed in her scent, "a quickie…"

"A quickie…" she grinned, as his hands roamed her body. "That," she moaned softly as his hands played her body like a finely tuned instrument.

"Yes…"

"Is…always…"

"Yes…" he smiled before gently sucking her neck, his hands expertly enticing, eliciting another moan.

"An…" another moan, "option…"

"Uhmm…" her body was beneath his in seconds, and then, time ceased to matter. "I thought so…"

Monday began with the Shepherd/Maloney household getting children ready for a day in school; the light intermittent snowfall of the day before lingering to delight the younger members of the family.

"Good morning you two," they were greeted by his sister Jenna holding Kerry at the kitchen table. "Fine sitters you are, leaving my five week old all alone…"

"We did not," Meredith paid no attention; getting used to the Shepherd's teasing, and walked over to take the baby from her. "Hey sweetie, were you good for Granma, did you take a long nap?"

"How, then," Jenna smiled at Meredith, "do you explain that my children believe their Uncle D and Aunt Meredith like playing with fire?"

"Jenna Patricia," Carolyn said, while she filled Meredith's cup of coffee, letting Derek get his own. "Stop taunting."

"I'm just," Jenna smiled at Meredith, and wasn't allowed to complete her sentence.

"Being a brat," Derek ruffled her hair, and then kissed her cheek. "Why are you here?"

"I missed my babies…" she said, "and, Rob got called in for an emergency, and…most of all, I wanted to see you… and say thank you…again…"

"For what?" Meredith asked, as she thanked Carolyn for the coffee.

"Being here," Jenna said, "I know it can't be easy…with…Kerry…"

"We wouldn't have it any other way," Meredith interrupted her. "She has been our angel…Jenna," she paused when she felt her sister in law's hand on her arm. "She's helped me…us…heal…and I'm the one that is grateful… that you trusted me…"

"Oh Mer," Jenna's eyes watered, "of course I trust you…even before I met you…and even before she was born…she heard your voice…and I knew we'd made the right choice…I'm just sorry…so sorry…I behaved…"

"Hey," Derek said, "no more tears… ok…being here, for both of us… being Kerry's godparents…we wouldn't have it any other way," and he hugged his sister tightly.

"I love you Derek," Jenna said.

"I love you too Jeni," he said, and kissed the top of her head, as his father had so often said and done.

"Meredith," Jenna said, and smiled at her daughter, perfectly content with her godmother. "Our family is very lucky to have you…and my girls…love you…I hope you know that."

"I'm lucky to have you all, and you know I love your girls…"

"Rob is hoping he's done early, so he can see you before you go…but, he wanted me to make sure I told you how much we appreciated it your thoughtfulness, staying with the girls, making the reservations for us to stay in the city last night…alone."

"I'm expecting the same," Meredith told her, and Derek's heart knew joy at his wife's healing journey, "five weeks after we have a baby… I'm expecting you in Seattle."

"Count on it," Jenna smiled, "we may even take Mom along, and then Rob and I can have another night of ear plug worthy…"

"Ok," Derek said, "we don't need all the details…there's a baby in the room."

"Prude," Jenna taunted.

"Seriously?" Meredith laughed as she remembered his very non-g rated comments the night before.

"Didn't hear any complaining of dirty talk last night," Derek whispered in her ear, and took the baby from her. "Isn't that right Kerry… she wasn't calling me brainless then…was she…and now…you and me are going to go play in the snow," and the baby gurgled her delight.

"Play in the snow," Meredith raised her eyebrow in amusement, "really?"

"These women," Derek kept talking to the baby as he worked his way around the kitchen, ,nd she responded with multiple smiles, "have no idea of adventure," his wife and sister laughed, "see…no sense at all…"

"What are you looking for dear?" Carolyn asked as he found an apple, and reached for a box of cereal.

"Breakfast," he smiled at his mother.

"You've had breakfast," Jenna said, "I have it on good authority."

"I'm hungry," he told his sister, "I can eat…you do… all the time."

"Only when I'm pregnant, and we know that's not possible for you."

"But," he decided to tease both Jenna and Meredith, as his mother had walked out of the room, "you weren't the only one that stayed up all night…"

"Meredith," Jenna said, "there may be hope for him yet… he admits his sisters have…"

"Kids," he grinned at her, "that keep them up at night…especially," he munched on an apple, as he placed a bowl of sugar cereal in front of his wife, "newborns."

"You're an idiot," Jenna laughed. "Let me have my daughter back."

"No," Derek said, "she's happy right here… aren't you?"

"Looked what the cat dragged in," Jenna looked over at her mother and aunt.

"Since when," Derek asked, as he finished chewing, "do you walk in the front door?"

"Such disrespectful children Carolyn," Patricia took the baby from him, "since I took your mother's car to drive your nieces to school this morning, so you could indulge in morning candy."

Derek choked on the next bite he'd taken; his sister laughing, while his wife made sure he was ok, and both glared at her.

"That's one way of shutting him up," Patricia spoke to Kerry, "isn't it sweetie," but the baby frowned at her and looked around, following her godmother's voice. "And I guess…" she shared a smile with Carolyn, "that tells me I better not criticize your brainless godfather…" and she handed the baby over to Meredith.

"What," Derek said with a serious expression, "is it about you Maloney women…you have a mean streak."

"We do not," Carolyn told him, "you just make it easy for them to…"

"Mock me?"

"No dear," Patricia said, "make sure you lighten up… just a bit," and the small gathering of family members enjoyed the time they had left to spend together.

"I can't believe how badly people drive," Maggie rushed through the kitchen door, and began to discard her scarf and coat, "it's only a sprinkling of snow…"

"Mary Margaret," Patricia smiled at her niece, "aren't you working today?"

"I'm taking the day off," Maggie walked over to the sink and washed her hands, then walked over to Meredith and kissed the baby's forehead. "Will you share her?"

"Just for a little while," Meredith smiled. "You'll get to see her all the time."

"Mom," Maggie asked, "did you make an extra chocolate cake, or are you playing favorites and just spoiling Meredith?"

"Ma," Derek said, "really…this whole favorite thing has to stop."

"Where has he been the last twenty years?" Maggie commented.

"Must be all that jungle influence," Jenna quipped, and laughed, "according to my daughter, Aunt Pat cheated playing mopoly, so a group of cousins could go to Seattle."

"My son," Maggie joked, "smitten with Meredith led the pack…"

"Jason is not smitten with Meredith," Derek frowned, "she's their aunt."

"She's the older woman," Maggie teased Derek, and he surprised them, after Aunt Pat's comment and did lighten up.

"Too many women here," Derek got up and kissed Meredith's lips. "I'll see you at Maggie's, by 4?" Meredith nodded, and he joked, "that's if Jason hasn't managed to convince you to run away with him."

"What's this," Aunt Pat joked, "you're letting Meredith out of your sight…trusting her with the Maloney women?"

"She's informed me she has plans," Derek winked at his wife, "and they don't include me, so, I made plans of my own."

"Your aunt is well aware of them," Carolyn said, "and complained all morning that you're disrupting her school by taking the boys out early for lunch and whatever else you have planned."

"I did not complain," Patricia said, "just pointed out the obvious…"

"Aunt Pat," Derek went to her and hugged her. "Thanks," no words were needed to explain further, "for everything…we're…" he pursed his lips, meeting her gaze as her hand touched his face, much as was his mother's habit, and he simply nodded.

"Trust me," Pat smiled at him. "Trust her…to know…when the time will be right."

"I do…" he told her, "and…I don't pray much…not lately…but…"

"You're in mine, but remember, Derek, it only takes one time," Pat told him, "one prayer. He knows what we need," and she embraced her favorite nephew, and bid farewell.

"Maggie," Jenna said, "let me have her, I need to feed her."

"She's not hungry," Maggie said, "she's very content."

"My boobs are killing me," Jenna told her. "I dared not say that in front of our prude brother," and they both laughed.

"He is definitely not prude," Meredith grinned, "trust me."

"We know," Pat and Carolyn said at the same time.

"Oh…sorry…Mom….Aunt Pat, that was…"

"Meredith," Carolyn said, "I have five kids…she has six…do you think we don't know about sex…and all its …"

"Ma…." Jenna and Maggie said simultaneously.

"Who are the prudes now?" Carolyn teased. "Girls, really..." and the room was filled with laughter, including the littlest nosy Maloney, who stopped breastfeeding to gurgle her way into the conversation.

Meredith, every once in a while during the weekend, couldn't help but feel a sense of bittersweet melancholy as she watched Kerry and Jenna, and sadness over the inevitable thoughts of their own baby was reflected in her face; this time, quite noticeable to Maggie and Patricia as Meredith's hand instinctively touched the double heart necklace.

"It's almost time for lunch preparations to get on their way," Patricia said of her parish school, "and for me to get going. I'll see all of you in the next few days," she referred to her nieces and sister, "but now…it's my turn to say goodbye, "she smiled at Meredith who immediately followed her lead and walked with her toward the kitchen door.

"I don't know if Derek said anything," Meredith said to his aunt, "but…thank you…for your support…for sharing that you believe there's hope…for a healthy baby for us…"

"We're family," Patricia told her, "no thanks are needed…ever…and… I'm not always pleased with those glimpses of the future…but for you…it was meant that I share that…to give you hope…and for you to trust that God does answer prayers, and that faith truly moves mountains," and she reached for Meredith's hands, and lightly touched the angel charm on her bracelet, "and that you are not mistaken in knowing that your little one…your own little angel… is with you…"

"Brianna," Meredith's eyes filled with tears, and she too, tenderly held the charm bracelet in memory of their baby, "she is…our own little angel."

"Meredith," Patricia hugged her, "I promise you…just have faith…and those dreams of yours will come true…don't ever doubt it…you've been given a wonderful spiritual gift, accept it," and Meredith hugged her tightly in acknowledgement.

Carolyn met Jenna's own teary gazed, both certain of the topic of conversation taking place; Maggie, looked on surprised and puzzled at the emotional farewell between Meredith and her aunt.

Derek spent time with his nephews, taking them to lunch and being bombarded by their pleas to visit Seattle; naturally it should be the boys that got to go first, after all, it was forty acres of wilderness, and the girls wouldn't really want to go camping and fishing. The boys returned to school for their regular activities and he took time to say goodbye to his nieces, even though both he and Meredith had spent time saying their farewells the night before at Kathleen's; similar pleas to visit led the conversation.

Meredith spent her time either with Carolyn or his sisters; though Maggie had called dibs on lunch, as she was the only sister that had not spent any time alone with Meredith.

"I'm glad," Maggie said as they walked the last few steps to her brownstone, "we had some time to spend together. I was beginning to feel like the least favorite sister."

"Maggie," Meredith was quick to respond, "Derek doesn't feel that way at all…"

"Meredith, I'm kidding about that," she said as she inserted the key to her front door, "the favorite theme has been ongoing since we were kids."

"I've noticed, but I'm never quite sure," Meredith smiled, and followed Maggie inside.

"Welcome, to our home," Maggie said, "and by the way, there are two guest bedrooms, yours to use anytime…whether we are here or not. Make yourself at home, I'll be right back. Would you like tea of coffee?"

"Whatever you're having," Meredith smiled, and settled into the comfortable couch facing an enormous mantel, typical of the 1830's Greek Revival period.

"I decided on tea," Maggie smiled as she walked in with a tray, "and cookies…Aunt Mary's, she keeps me supplied."

"You've a very colorful family Mary Margaret," Meredith teased.

"That we are," Maggie laughed, sipping her tea. "Mer, I'm so pleased you had time to spend with me…with everything that's happened the first time you were here, and then my trip…there really wasn't much time, but…I just want you to know how good we all feel about you and Derek finding each other…I've never seen him so happy."

"We are," Meredith told her, "he made me believe in fairytales," and then a slight hitch to her voice, alerted Maggie, "and soul mates," as she saw the now familiar action, as Meredith gently touched the charm on her bracelet.

"Meredith," Maggie said softly, "I don't want to pry…but…you already know we're nosy…and it's not that…it's that we want to help…truly we do…we care…and so often…I look at you…and there's such sadness in your eyes… and usually, I see you touch your bracelet."

"I know you care," Meredith said, and slipped off her bracelet and placed it on the palm of Maggie's hand, and very gently touched the angel's charm, allowing for her secret to come to life.

Maggie, at first wasn't sure what why Meredith had taken off the bracelet, but then, she examined the charm, the intricately designed silhouette of a baby angel, and looked up to meet her sister in law's gaze; a gaze filled with tears. "Oh…no…Meredith," she ran a finger over the inscription, "no…not you and Derek…"

"She," Meredith said quietly "would have been due right around the time Kerry was."

"Brianna," Maggie read the inscription, "you were going to have a girl…"

"We're sure of it," Meredith said, and began to tell their story; of an unexpected surprise turned to joy, then heartbreak; the meaning of the date inscribed and the promise of hope making it possible to share the journey of healing that led to this moment in time, and as it unfolded, bonds of family and friendship were further cemented between two women that would always be sisters of the heart.

"I wish," Maggie wiped away her tears, and that is how Kathleen found them, "I'd known…all the talk of babies…we had to make it worse…"

"Maggie, Meredith," Kathleen asked with concern, "what's wrong? What's happened?"

"How could you Kathleen," Maggie accused, "you didn't say anything, and we all kept going on about babies…and…you kept it a secret and Mom…and…you all knew…"

Kathleen on the sofa table, met her sister's gaze, "it wasn't our secret to tell," then reached for her hands, holding them both in her hands. "Maggie, you know that… we keep secrets."

"I know," Maggie acknowledged, "but…Kathleen," the accusation remained, "we could have made it easier…I could have made it easier," her gaze never left Kathleen's gaze.

"I know," Kathleen admitted bitter sweetly.

"You did," Meredith said, "you all did…and Maggie…Kerry…she is the most healing of all…I told you…and I meant that…she's helped us heal," and the three women, three strangers months before, in the years ahead would look back at this moment, as the one that fate, unquestionably wiser than them, had meant to bring them together in this lifetime.

"Now," Kathleen said, "both of you, freshen up…and remember…Aunt Pat's never wrong, so you better be ready…"

"Kat," Maggie, still teary eyed, said to her sister, "you really believe that, after all this time?"

"I do, Maggie…." Kathleen hugged her, "I really do…"

"I wish…I could be sure…forget any fears…" Maggie said.

"You can," Kathleen told her, "and we're going to be right there with you. Faith, Mary Margaret," she squeezed her sister's hands.

"As small as a mustard seed," Maggie responded.

"Yes," Kathleen agreed. "Now, go freshen up. Before Ma gets here with Emma."

"I had to tell her," Meredith said, almost apologetically for the emotional flood that had ensued.

"Of course you did," Kathleen smiled at her, though a glimmer of tears prevailed. "I'm so proud of you…Meredith…how you've healed…how you'd handled all of this."

"I've had help," Meredith sniffled, "starting with you…"

"You'll always have that," Kathleen told her, "whenever you need me."

"I've never been good at this Kathleen, not good with family at all…"

"You're better at family than we are," she teased, earning a light laugh from Meredith.

"Thank you," Meredith told her, "for caring…"

"I love you Meredith," Kathleen hugged her. "You're stuck with an older sister."

"I love you too Kathleen," Meredith said the words that had become easier and easier to utter in the months that followed Brianna's loss and the newly gained love of family.

"This is for you," Maggie sat down next to Meredith and placed a light weight wrapped item on her lap. "It made me think of you when we were in Dubai."

"Fine sister you are," Kathleen said, "Meredith gets a gift and we don't…"

"It's a wedding shower gift," Maggie told Kathleen, "since we didn't get to be there."

"Maggie," Meredith said, "but we got gifts from you…"

"Yes," Maggie said, "but this made me think of you…besides, stop whining Kathleen, I did most of my Christmas shopping in Dubai, and it my just involve gold trinkets…and oils…and spices…"

"You shopped for us," Kathleen smiled, "at the souks?"

"You'll have to wait till Christmas," Maggie replied.

"Maggie," Meredith exclaimed, "they're beautiful…these colors…"

"Indigo and lavender," Maggie smiled. "I've noticed how you and Derek are partial to them…and the silk was exquisite."

"It is," Meredith agreed. "Thank you."

"Don't thank her yet," Kathleen said, "now you have to find a seamstress…and…"

"She's jealous," Maggie said.

"I am," Kathleen said, "I admit it."

"Not for long," Maggie smiled and took out a similar package and gave it to Kathleen.

"Mags, I was teasing," Kathleen said repentantly.

"There's one for each of you… but, with all the commotion since we got back, I thought I'd just wait till today when you'd all be here."

"Maggie," Kathleen hugged her, "this is beautiful…truly…for a special occasion…"

"Your best color," Maggie smiled as her sister held the red silk.

"What color did you get?" Kathleen asked, and Maggie led them to her room, where she showed them some of the purchases, none of which were intended to be their Christmas gifts, and Kathleen commented. "Has John seen the bills yet?"

"He actually shopped with me for some of it," Maggie told them.

"John shopped with you?" Kathleen asked. "I thought he was working most of the trip."

"Not all of it," Maggie smiled, "we had plenty of down time. He picked gifts for Mom and Aunt Pat," Maggie told her, "and that's all you get to know about their gifts."

"Down time," Kathleen teased her," that's never good Maggie…surely you know that…rising to the occasion…is much much better…"

"Thank God Derek's not here," Meredith laughed, "he'd be blushing."

"So would John," Maggie laughed at her sister's double entendre, "and trust me…we had plenty of candy time…in fact," she winked at Meredith, "I'm pretty sure we'd out roar the newlyweds...John is younger than Derek."

Meredith's laughter filled the room, "Derek would die if you made that comment in front of him," and his sisters teased her about the lion tamer once again.

Shortly after, Carolyn arrived with Emma; followed a while later by Jenna and her girls and Nancy with Amanda and Rebecca.

"Aunt Meredith," Emma looked up to her as the cab came to a stop, "you remembered…"

"Is this ok," Meredith asked, suddenly doubtful that this was something Emma would consider special. "I wasn't sure…we can go someplace else…"

"Oh no," Emma turned and hugged her tightly, "it's perfect, thank you."

Meredith paid the cab driver and Emma took her hand and looked up at her and smiled, and led her aunt to the front door of the Children's Museum of the Arts, where unbeknownst to them both, her mother, Kathleen, had arranged for a very special visit.

"Hi Emma," the young artist greeted her student warmly. "Mrs. Shepherd, we're so pleased that you have a chance to visit today. Emma is our star protégé," the woman praised the seven year old, "I told Kathleen she would be an exceptional artist when I saw her first drawings when she was four years old, and I'm so proud of all her work," she said and led Meredith to an area where art classes for five to ten year olds were held. "I'll let Emma show you around, she knows the museum like the back of her hand."

"Aunt Meredith," Emma was beaming, "they have classes for all little kids…even Katie and Meggie come sometimes…but I like it the most. I was really good at drawing since I was little…and I really loved to come here a lot, so Mommy and Daddy said it was up to me if I wanted to come here in the afternoons… and take lessons," she smiled at Meredith. "I'm so glad you had time to come with me."

Emma's enthusiasm was contagious, and Meredith smiled throughout the entire tour she gave of the museum, "I wanted to make sure I kept my promise that we'd spend time together, and asked your Mom what you would like to do."

"Aunt Meredith…I'm really happy you're married to Uncle Derek…and all my cousins," she walked with Meredith's hand in hers, "we talked about how different you are than Addison…she wasn't friendly and she didn't like to spend time with us…so this is really special that you remembered to keep your promise…even if you said it when I was being bratty."

"Oh sweetie," Meredith bent down to her level, "you were never bratty…you were just feeling left out," she led her to a nearby bench, "and I wanted to spend time with you, because you are very special, just like your Mommy is to me."

"She loves you a lot," Emma repeated what she'd once told Meredith, "cause you love Uncle Derek and make him happy."

"I'll tell you a secret," Meredith smiled at her, "I love him a lot too…because he makes me very happy…and I didn't have a lot of family growing up, but…I love that I have you as my family now."

"I'm happy you're my Aunt…and that you're going to be around for a long long time."

"I hope so," Meredith told her.

"Oh, you are," Emma told her. "For sure…for a long long time…and Aunt Pat…says… when we get those nice feelings…it's nice to share them," and she smiled at Meredith.

"That makes me very happy," Meredith put an arm around her and drew her close.

"Aunt Meredith," Emma smiled. "I'm going to help you…when you have babies…will you let me come visit and I won't get in the way… I helped Aunt Jenna too."

"Oh sweetie," Meredith had to keep herself from crying at the young child's apparent intuition, "when your Uncle Derek and I have babies… I would love to have you come and visit."

"But," Emma said wisely, never failing to surprise Meredith by the sensitivity and maturity of the seven year old, "we have to find a way to do that…so that we don't hurt my other cousins' feelings."

"We'll find the way," Meredith told her. "Now, show me what you're working on…because we'll have to get back to Aunt Maggie's house soon."

"I'm going to show you what I'm painting now…it's a special gift for Mommy and Daddy for Christmas…I'm still little and it's taking me a long time…but my favorite paintings are like the Impressionists…so it's a little like that," and she took Meredith to her art class, "but what I really like to paint are flowers."

The afternoon shared between aunt and niece would be one of many in the years ahead; like her Maloney and Shepherd aunt's, Emma, too, had those feelings that at were most always right.

"Meredith," Derek reminded her, "our car's going to be here in half an hour…with traffic, we need to leave here by 430 or we won't make our 630flight…"

"We're all checked in Derek…you did that this morning, and all that money you spent for first class has to be worth something."

"It is," he shook his head as she continued her conversation with his sisters, "but we still have to go through security, and it's the Monday after a holiday…"

"Kerry," Meredith spoke to the baby, "your Uncle Derek really has to lighten up…"

"I have to lighten up," Derek muttered. "How was I to know you'd turn into…"

"We're going to call him McGrumpy," Meredith ignored him, snuggling her godchild, and her other nieces laughed.

"Aunt Merdith," Katie was the first to laugh, "that's so funny…Uncle D is McGrumpy."

"But, Katie, me's confused…cause he's not little like the seven dwarfs…" Meghan said.

"No," Meredith giggled, "he's not little like the little people in Snow White, but…"

"Meredith," Maggie said, "I'm not sure that's a very appropriate subject, height and all…we have little pitchers…"

"Really, Maggie," Kathleen laughed, "just because I made you admit John out roared…"

The Shepherd sisters, all were now privy to the earlier conversation, and Meredith laughed, leaving Carolyn, Derek and Rob wondering what was so hilariously funny.

"Have you all been drinking?" Rob asked.

"Yes, daddy…they was drinking all afternoon," Meghan said. "Right mommy?"

"Tea Rob," Jenna rolled her eyes, "iced tea…"

"Aunty M," Meghan who was sitting next to her pulled on her hand, "you promise you not going to forget us and my baby sister…cause of she be really sad…and cry…and…"

"I'm not going to forget you," Meredith leaned over and kissed her niece, "any of you, and Uncle Derek and I will be back to visit as soon as we can…"

"Yes," Rebecca, Nancy's eight year old said, "but you won't be here for Christmas, and that's soon…after Christmas is a really long time."

"Unless," Amanda, Nancy's ten year old commented, "we come visit you…we could do that, and we'd all behave really well…and Aunt Pat and Granma will take care of us while you're at work…and that way…you won't forget us at all."

"Girls," Derek said, "you know we won't forget you…and Meredith and I will come visit as soon as we can…ok…and I told you earlier, we'll find a way to have you visit us…but we may have to wait till we have a house."

"You not have a house," Meghan exclaimed, "Uncle…D…you live in the jungle?"

"No sweetie," Meredith rolled her eyes at Derek, "we have a house but it's small…and it won't fit everyone."

"But," Rebecca said, "do you have a basement? Because if you do, we could use sleeping bags, like at Granma's."

Derek smirked, "Meredith, do we have a basement?"

"No," she glared at him. "But, we have a really big living room."

"Aunt Merdith….we can sleep in the living room…" Katie said.

"Oh God," Maggie shook her head, "she forgot all kid lessons with that one."

"I did not," Meredith responded, "he's just baiting me…"

"Really," Derek raised an eyebrow at his wife.

"Really…and I'm not going to lose," she winked at him.

"Here they go again," Rebecca said, "grown up talk…just like Mommy and Daddy…"

"Aunt Meredith," Emma whispered when it was her turn to say goodbye. "Spending the afternoon with you was a really special surprise."

"It was very special for me too…Emma," Meredith said and hugged her.

"Meredith," Rob, who'd driven Derek to Maggie's hugged her, "you have no idea how much it meant to Jenna that you forgave her, she was very upset over the idea she'd hurt you and Derek."

"Nothing to forgive," Meredith hugged him back. "Except… that you lied to me."

"I did not," Rob said. "Why would you think that?"

"After meeting your sisters," Meredith teased, "the idea of you not being a hugger…"

"Oh," Rob, laughed good naturedly and hugged her again, "it was actually Jenna who lied…making up that whole being Amish comment."

"Mer," Derek said, a little more concerned with the time now. "We have to go."

"It was for a good cause," Rob winked at her, "to make you feel comfortable, that it was ok if you weren't used to it."

"In Shepherdville," Meredith said, "you get used to it pretty fast."

"Yes," Rob told her. "You do, and you've won them all over with flying colors."

"Aunty M," Meghan pulled on her hand, "one more hug…so you don't forget me."

Meredith lifted her and Meghan wrapped her legs around her waist. "I can never forget you," Meredith smiled at her and kissed her cheek. "I hope you won't forget me…and maybe you can help so that Kerry doesn't forget me and Uncle Derek."

"Oh no," Meghan squeezed her cheeks with her tiny hands, and rested her forehead on Meredith's, "never…never…cause of I love you and Uncle D lots and lots…and we calls you on the phone…so you can talk to Kerry…" Meredith smiled, at the perfect use of her sister's name, in spite of the double r.

"Meghan," Jenna, ever alert, warned her daughter, "you know you can't call unless I'm there with you."

"But, Mommy," the three year old pointed out, "what if we go to Nana Alice or Nana Grace…and we're not at Granma's and Kerry misses you cause of you're working…and we gots to let her talk to Aunty M…cause of she's happy when she hears her…and…"

"Give up now," Rob nuzzled his wife's neck.

"You're the one who's a softie," Jenna smiled at him.

"Me," Rob kissed her neck. "just wait till you see John when Maggie's pregnant."

"Don't," Jenna turned to him "talk to her about that…"

"Honey," Rob caressed her back, "Aunt Pat's certain…you know it's gonna happen."

"I love you lots and lots too," Meredith assured her niece, and kissed her cheek. "And…you have to let your Mommy know before you call me," she said, as Meghan nodded. "Is it ok for me to hand you over to Daddy, so I can hold Kerry one more time?"

"Oh yes…cause of she be sad if you don't…cause of you're her godmother."

"Mom," Meredith walked over to Carolyn, "can I get her one more time?"

"Kerry," Carolyn said softly, Meredith and Derek had already said their farewells to her privately. "You get one more snuggle with your godmother," and the baby smiled as soon as she was in Meredith's arms, "and you are a very lucky little one…aren't you?"

"Mom," Meredith held Kerry close to her, "thank you…for making this such a special Thanksgiving…the most special I've ever had."

"Sweetheart," Carolyn cupped her face tenderly with one hand, "you brought Derek back home, you're the one that's made it special…don't ever forget that."

"I loved my Mom," Meredith said quietly, "I did…but you," she felt a tear slide slowly down her face; one her mother in law wiped away, "you and Derek…you gave me a family."

"Oh sweetheart," Carolyn hugged the two newest members of her family, "I love you."

"I love you too," Meredith allowed herself to enjoy the warmth and true meaning of a mother's loving embrace, and then she walked over to Derek and placed the baby in his arms.

"Kerry Beatrice," Meredith spoke softly, for his ears only, "we love you so much, just as we'd have loved your little cousin Brianna, and just like your name, you've brought us such joy."

"Hey," Derek drew her closer as they settled in the town car, and kissed her temple. "You know we'll be back soon."

"I know," she sniffled as she reached for his hand, and squeezed gently. "I'm a sap…"

"Yeah," he squeezed her hand back, "but, are you a Shepherd or Maloney sap," and they spoke quietly about their very special weekend; of first milestones in their life together, their first Thanksgiving and a Godchild's Baptism all turned into joyous family celebrations.

"Oh great," Meredith rolled her eyes as she got settled in their first class seat, after rushing to make their flight. "Your favorite flight attendant's on board."

"Dr. Shepherd," the now familiar woman smiled at him, "welcome back, did you have a nice weekend at the family baptism?"

"Yes, thank you," he said pleasantly.

"She remembered that," Meredith mumbled, "that's freaky Derek."

"What would you like to drink before we take off? We have just a few minutes."

"Champagne, for both of us," he said, and looked over at Meredith, cocking his head slightly.

"You're enjoying this," Meredith glared at him. "Making me jealous…"

"You don't get jealous," Derek teased her.

"Like hell I don't," she leaned into him and bit his lip playfully, and then smacked his shoulder when the woman came back.

"Dr. Shepherd," the woman interrupted, "here you go," then turned to Meredith.

"Is everything all right?" the flight attendant asked, a meddling one according to Meredith.

"Of course," Meredith said in a serious tone, attempting to keep from laughing as she saw Derek's expression, and then waited for him to take the first drink. "Just pregnant hormones…"

Derek choked on the champagne, and turned to her, "WHAT?"

"Derek," Meredith said sweetly, "honey, I don't know why you're surprised…since the baby started walking, we've been talking about trying for a boy."

Derek remained stunned, speechless.

"Congratulations," the flight attendant said.

"Thank you," Meredith smiled at her. "Would you mind bringing me orange juice?"

"Yes, of course, as soon as we reach cruising altitude, we're going to have to remove these right now, there wasn't much time when Dr. Shepherd asked for this."

"Pregnant… hormones…" Derek stared at her, "very interesting…"

"She wasn't as surprised as you were," Meredith said sweetly, before their laughter resounded through the first class cabin.

"Mer," Derek leaned over and kissed her, "I love you."

"I love you," she deepened their kiss ever so briefly, and the aircraft rose rapidly, leaving the lights of New York City behind, and she rested her head against his shoulder.

"Mer," Derek teased, "is snoring going to be worse…you know…with the pregnant hormones…and all."

"Ass," she mouthed, and giggled quietly.

"I love you too," he laughed as he nuzzled her neck.

"Derek," she said, her tone slightly different, making him take note, and look at her.

"Mer," he noticed the glimmer of tears, "you okay?"

"I don't want five chatty babies…"

"I know," his thumb caressed her face tenderly, "one…or two…"

"No," she whispered, her lips almost upon his.

"No?"

"I want," she brushed her lips softly against his, "my dream … Brianna's dream…to come true…"

"It will Meredith," he kissed her softly, then cupped her face and smiled as they became lost in each other, acknowledging and accepting on faith, as small as a mustard seed, that the promise of past dreams would see their dreams fulfilled.

_A/N 11/18/11 - Thanks to all that have read through the last paragraph, I am so very grateful for your continued interest of this story. However, there seems to be significant number of "views" on this, but only a handful of comments - please, do let me know if you didn't like it, find it boring, redundant, no longer interesting, it will help as I wrap up this story... all you need is to click on review & say: good;bad; boring, etc. One word or two suffices. Thanks!_


	228. Chapter 228

_A/N – December 18, 2011 – This is dedicated to Nancy, for her continued support, enthusiasm and interest in this story. She asked for something to read this week as she recuperates from surgery, and Saturday, on a day that was very special to my paternal grandfather, I got additional inspiration, and began to write, in honor of his love of family. Nancy, my thoughts and prayers are with you, with best wishes for a speedy and full recovery._

_It's a short update (for me) and it was a difficult chapter to write, as I needed to transition from the family back East (that I love writing about) to Seattle, and wanted to make sure there was nothing left pending from past chapters as the story begins to move forward (believe it or not…quicker time frames than before) – upcoming chapters, are Christmas maybe 3 parts to be posted during the next few weeks; New Year's; Valentine's & their first anniversary._

_Thanks to all of you that may still be reading, I want to finish this story with all the important scenes I'd originally envisioned, and this is a "bridge" chapter to the future. Hope all take time to enjoy this wonderful, magical, bright season of Christmas…and Hanukkah, with family and loved ones. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_p.s. it was a short update, until they got to the hospital…then…the conversation just seemed to flow for me._

_12/30/11 – Corrected handful of typos & I am working on second part to this hoping to post next couple days. If during 2011 you've read any of this story and at any point enjoyed it, or not, would be ever so grateful if you left a comment. Happy New Year!_

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas … Pt 9A (edited 12/27/11)**_

Meredith and Derek's laughter bid farewell to the first day of December as they lay spent and exhausted; their passion for each other satiated into the early morning hours, then again, lovemaking greeted the following day.

"Derek," Meredith smiled, as he drew her close to him, his teeth teasingly biting her shoulder, "my old beast may be ready…but …" her giggle turned to laughter as he told her exactly what he was ready for.

"But," he pressed his aroused body against her, "you were saying…"

"No…" she started to say, while he heard the soft gasp as the touch of his hands aroused her body expertly.

"No," he teased further, as he shifted their bodies and she lay beneath him, "you don't want me to…"

"Nothing…" she finished her original though, breathless as his mouth found her breast.

"I," Derek paused, her desire for him unmistakable.

"Don't…" she encouraged, "stop…"

"Thought," his lips teased and enticed, "you'd see it that way…"

"Then," she said seductively, "my turn…"

"Promises… promises…"

"Damn right," she said, and their laughter briefly echoed in the early morning, as they each lived up to promises that could only lead to fulfillment between lovers fated to be together for a lifetime.

"Remind me," Derek's lips trailed kisses from her shoulder towards her neck.

"What are you smiling about?" Meredith interrupted him.

"How," he continued to smile, "do you know I'm smiling?"

"I know …" she said, as they'd discovered so long ago, on a night so different, a lifetime away it seemed, when misunderstandings wreaked havoc in their lives, "your every emotion."

"Uhmmm…" his hands lovingly caressed the length of her body, and he teased, chuckling. "Lion tamer… mind reader…my wife…full of surprises…"

"You'd better be smiling," she teased back, "and you better not be thinking of that shameless, married Grey hussy…" and again, their carefree laughter transcended the closed doors.

"Good morning," Derek said cheerfully as he walked in the kitchen, followed by Meredith, each settling into a now familiar pattern; he got cereal boxes, she the bowls.

Meredith looked over to Izzie, then Alex who was wearing a serious scowl, and teased Derek. "Look at these two…your McGrumpy… is contagious."

"Grumpy's not what it sounded like last night," Alex mumbled, biting off a piece of toast.

"Feels good," Derek smiled at Meredith, "getting such a nice welcome home."

"Maybe," Meredith sat across from him at the table and smiled back. "They got wind of our plans to ask that they move by the end of the month."

"You… ass…" Izzie reacted by hitting Alex. "It's all your fault," she accused. "Can't you ever keep your big mouth shut!"

"Shit Iz" Alex protested, "that hurt," and rubbed the back of his head. "Not my fault Shepherd's finally carrying through with the privacy he wants."

"We're just joking," Meredith glared at Derek, daring him to contradict her.

"What did I do?" Derek answered, and continued to munch on Muesli. "You're the one that just told them to move out by the end of the month."

"Mer," Izzie pouted. "Derek's right…you're the one that said that…and it's Christmas...and we haven't even decorated…and I thought we were your family…"

"Nobody is moving out," Meredith said as she rolled her eyes, and then playfully slapped Alex across the back of his head. "See…what you started, and you know our house isn't anywhere near ready yet."

"You're the one," Alex retorted, "that brought up our moving out. Why do I get hit?"

"Alex," Izzie ordered, "just shut up."

"Why?" Alex smirked, bringing another spoonful of cereal to his mouth. "You never do."

"None of you were quiet last night," Lexie surprised Meredith as she walked into the kitchen, obviously just waking up and unusually cranky, and shuffled her way to grab a cup for coffee. "In fact the two of you," she slumped at the kitchen table where Derek, not surprised by her presence at all, poured her coffee, "were much louder than I've ever heard Meredith and Derek."

"Honey," Meredith said, overly sweet and smiled at Derek, "you're right…"

"Yes, dear," Derek sipped his coffee and raised an eyebrow, "about what?"

"This is as good a time as any to set our new rules," Meredith said as she got up and walked over to the refrigerator. "Especially since it seems we're going to be adding more kids to the house before we expected."

"More kids…before we expected…" Derek treads lightly, suddenly, a slight expression of doubt on his face. "Meredith, is there something you're not telling me…it's the second time you've mentioned this since we left Mom's…"

Meredith reached his side and placed a bowl of fruit in front of him, then whispered in his ear. "You can't be so…brainless," then louder, teased him. "Follow along Shepherd, you really do need practice."

"Enlighten me," he relaxed, and let her lead the conversation as she sat back across him.

"Mer," Izzie jumped in. "You're pregnant?"

"Dude knocked you up," Alex smirked, pleased yet concerned for his friend.

"Mer…" Lexie met her sister's gaze, wide alert at this point. "Are you…"

"Lexie," Meredith rolled her eyes, "you just spent three days with me and the psychic nun…do you think she and Carolyn and the rest of the Maloney women would have kept that a secret?"

"I thought you were at Shepherd's," Alex interrupted Meredith, while he continued to eat his cereal.

"Don't you ever pay attention," Izzie told him. "His mom's maiden name is Maloney."

"That's chick talk," Alex retorted. "Guys don't pay attention to that. Ask Sloan," he pointed to Mark who on perfect cue had walked in the kitchen.

"Mer," Izzie ignored him, and said excitedly, "Derek's aunt is psychic…does she do readings? Will you ask her? I grew up with my Mom always turning to psychics… remember Mr. Duff."

"Izzie," Meredith admonished. "No!"

"You're not ready," Mark looked over to Lexie and grabbed a cupcake from the bread basket. "Ask me what Karev?"

"What," Meredith asked, as surprised by Mark's presence as she had been by Lexie's earlier, "does she have to be ready for?"

"So I can drive her home." Mark said simply. "Stevens this is really good."

"Mark, why would you need to do that?" Meredith questioned, and turned to her sister. "Lexie, where's your car?"

"Mer," Lexie explained, "our flight was delayed on the way here, so Mark dropped me off at the hospital…and you know we drove to the airport together last week, and Bailey added a few more hours to my shift…so last night I didn't have a car and we were all exhausted and I was going to stay at the hospital, but Mark said he'd drive me home."

Derek joined in the conversation, knowing full well why Lexie was there. "If he drove you home, why are you here? I mean, I don't care…but your suitcase was here... and we figured, or I guess Mer figured you'd be staying…and that meant we had more kids being added to the frat house."

"Shep," Mark shook his head, confused. "Shit…you sounded worse than both Grey's…and why the hell are you asking…you already…"

"Shut…up…" both Grey's responded simultaneously.

"Grouchy too," Mark smirked. "Grey," he looked at Meredith, "I can understand Shep…being Mcgrouchy. But, not you…even if he was out roared…"

"Mark," Derek asked, this time truly unaware of the answer. "What are you talking about?"

"Never mind," Meredith warned Mark, but he wasn't looking at her.

"You mean," Mark laughed, "Grey didn't tell you're old and John…"

"Mark Sloan," Meredith reprimanded while actually trying not to laugh. "Don't you have anything better to do?"

"Mer," Derek decided to go along with whatever mischief Mark had in mind. "Don't keep me in the dark."

"Talk to your sister," Mark drawled. "She's the one that bragged to Grey that her husband out roared the newlywed."

"Mer," Derek placed a hand over his heart in mock offense, "you wound me."

"Really?" Meredith raised an eyebrow at her husband suggestively, and smiled.

"Yang was right," Mark laughed. "Mcgrumpy turned Mcdreamied with one look."

"Dude," Alex commented, "you're turning all chick-like. Sloan, what the hell happened to you at Shepherdsville?"

"Be quiet Alex," Izzie said, "just because you're not sensitive and thoughtful…and think only about yourself…doesn't mean every man is the same."

"That," Lexie said, "is not what it sounded like last night…do you realize you can hear everything from the attic?"

"Why were you sleeping in the attic?" Mark asked Lexie, as a number of different topics continued to be addressed simultaneously in perfect synchronization.

"Guess it makes her feel at home," Alex responded first. "Living with bugs and rodents."

"Alex," Meredith raised her voice. "My house does not have rodents…and neither does Lexie's," she paused and turned to her sister. "Does it?"

"No," Lexie said, "there's nothing but cobwebs in the attic."

"I meant your apartment," Meredith clarified.

"Yeah," Mark said, "it does. Lexie, fess up…the minute we turned on the light there were roaches crawling everywhere, just like the scene out of that movie, with all the singing, the one that has a doll to that's supposed to look like that actor with all the hair."

"Oh my God," Izzie reacted, "that is so disgusting. But, wait, how do you know about the movie? Do you mean Enchanted?"

"That's it…" Mark answered. "We had babysitting duty at Shepherdsville this weekend. Derek's nieces love that movie."

"Lexie," Meredith chimed in, older sister tone perfected. "We talked about this…you told me it had been taken care of…that it was fine…that the landlord…"

"Mer, it's fine," Lexie told her, "Mark's exaggerating."

"I'm exaggerating," Mark snorted. "Right, what about the family of rats," and mumbled under his breath, "including O'Malley."

"Lexie," Meredith said. "You can't stay there."

"I don't want to impose," Lexie told her sister. "I'm going to see how Dad is doing, see about moving back in with him."

"Lexie," Mark addressed her, "the entire intern class lives here, what's one more."

"He's right," Meredith said, "and you're my sister," and the two went back and forth over the conditions of Lexie's apartment. "But you know, that doesn't explain why Mark's here this morning." Derek, smiled at his wife's protectiveness of her sister, and thought, Meredith did families very well indeed.

"Karev's right," Derek said as Mark poured himself a cup of coffee. "You're turning into a gossipy nosy chick."

"I've always been nosy…and love gossip, just like you." Mark told Derek. "We grew up with the same sisters around us, and don't give me the I don't know about this crap…"

"Which of my sisters," Derek's curiosity got the best of him; wanting to know about the out roared comment. "Have you been in touch with, since we left home…don't you all have better things to do?"

"Maggie," Mark told Derek. "She posted a comment on Facebook."

"She did what," Derek almost coked on the last sip of coffee.

"Relax," Mark's amusement was obvious. "She didn't say it was you…and she has private settings…so not everyone can see it…"

"What exactly did she say?" Derek interrupted him.

"Something like…" Mark paused, thought about it. "McGrumpy on way home after being out roared," and he continued. "Naturally…I had to call …"

"Naturally," Derek mocked.

"But," Mark defended himself, "only after Yang saw the message and wanted me to call and find out…in case there was a bet worth making."

"Yang saw the message on Facebook?" Derek asked.

"Yeah…we're all on there," Mark told him.

"I'm not." Derek stated.

"Yeah well," Mark smiled. "You're old."

"Meredith," Derek said, "you were right. It's time to set some rules for our kids."

"Mark," Meredith took a momentary break from the conversation with Lexie. "What have you done now?"

"Dear," Derek said to Meredith, in spite of it all he was somewhat amused, "apparently both our children and Maggie have been having fun or making bets at our expense."

"Iz," Alex asked her, "what bet is this?"

"You know about it," Izzie placed her hand on his shoulder and gently massaged it.

"Honey," Meredith countered, "you have nothing to worry about…Maggie is wrong."

"Care to let me in on it?" Derek repeated his earlier request.

"No," Meredith said flirtingly, and walked over to him and whispered. "I don't think I could keep up with any more…of my old beasts'…roars…"

"Uhmmm…" Derek said in response. "We could," he pulled her on to his lap, "try…"

"Promise," she met his gaze, mischief and lust in her eyes.

"Always…" he kissed her, oblivious to their audience who in turn went on with their daily bickering routine.

"Lexie," Meredith said minutes later. "Don't think I'm going to ignore Mark's comment about George either."

"What did Bambi do?" Alex asked.

"Stop calling him that," Izzie reprimanded. "Let's go Alex, you've got us in enough trouble this morning. God help you …if Mer and Derek want us out before January."

"I already told you," Meredith said, "nobody's going anywhere. But, Derek is right. We're going to set some rules. Right now." and they all waited, including Derek.

"Grey," Mark said, "I think you're supposed to tell them what the rules are."

"Derek," Meredith turned to him. "You're the Dad…you do it!"

"Mer," Lexie said, "you sound like an old mom… wait till your father gets home."

"Well," Meredith said. "My mom never said that… so all this mothering must be learned by osmosis."

"Children," Derek's gaze never left Meredith's, beaming with pride at how well she had adapted to family. "Your mother and I," Mark snickered. "Sloan, you're part of this…and as the oldest, it's your responsibility to let Yang know what's expected..."

"You're not serious." Alex commented.

"Yes, Alex," Meredith said. "We are," and began to set forth the rules. "From now on, you are not to encourage ridiculous bets about Derek and me; and if we come home and want to have sex all might long…well…there will be no noise restrictions placed in my own home. Derek and I like sex, lots of sex…so, live with it…and don't ever come into our room without knocking."

"I thought," Mark said with a deadpan expression, "you said Dad was going to do it."

"He took too long," Meredith stated.

"And," Derek said, "she's bossy…keeps me in line," he had pulled her against him, and now kissed the top of her head.

"Yang is right," Alex muttered. "You're all disturbingly saccharine," and got up to leave.

"Alex," Meredith stopped him. "Izzie, did I make myself clear?"

"Yeah…" Alex said. "I heard you."

"Mer," Izzie complained, "we're not the only ones in the room…"

"Lexie doesn't complain about us, or barge in our bedroom…and Mark…he's…well, I can't control him. That's Derek's job."

"Thanks," Mark drawled, "Ma…"

"Listen, you overgrown immature teenager," Meredith said. "I want to know what you meant earlier, about George…being a rat."

"I didn't say that." Mark answered.

"You implied it," Izzie said to him before she left the kitchen. "We all heard you."

"Thanks Stevens," Mark said sarcastically. "Meredith, talk to Lexie, it's girl stuff."

"Mark," Lexie raised her voice at him. "Stop meddling."

"You weren't complaining last night," Mark responded immediately, "when you didn't have to sleep in that …hovel."

"It's not a hovel," Lexie protested, "and I was exhausted after a fifteen hour shift."

"Lexie," Meredith said, "yeah…it is…from the sounds of it…come upstairs with me, we can talk while I finish getting ready. I can't be late after being gone four days."

"Lexie," Derek smiled, "what your sister is trying to say is that you're welcome to stay here…this can be your home."

"But Mer… it's imposing…and…"

"Lexie," Meredith used her now well recognizable older sister tone. "Don't argue," she said and placed her plates on the sink, knowing Derek would rinse and run the dishwasher while she got ready. "You have the day off…move your things over here."

"Do as your sister says," Derek reiterated.

"You already have a houseful," Lexie said to him.

"One more…" Derek smiled, "of her family…here. And…take advantage of Mark, he can help you today…it seems he doesn't have to go in to work early."

"He's off today." Lexie replied without thinking. "I'm going to help him with Christmas

shopping."

"Really," Derek grinned as Lexie followed his wife out of the room. He could picture Meredith telling his mother and Kathleen about this, and he couldn't help but agree with them, there was a noticeable mutual interest or camaraderie between Mark and Lexie.

"If you mess with her," Derek looked Mark in the eye when they were alone. "Meredith's going to make me kill you. Ma…wouldn't be too happy…but…"

"You ass," Mark said. "We're friends. I can be friends with her."

"Mark," Derek warned.

"Derek," Mark said. "The place she's living in is disgusting, but…that little weasel…"

"What's the deal with O'Malley?" Derek asked.

"She's too nice for him," Mark commented. "I told you when I called you last night. You said it was ok to bring her here."

"You did a good thing, Mark." Derek commented. "I know Meredith appreciates it."

"She's a nice friend." Mark stated. "I brought her here," he added. "Not my place."

"Mark," Derek told his friend. "You're a good friend. Lexie's lucky to have you on her side. I know it was a difficult holiday for her, and you seemed to make it easier."

"She lost her Mom…" Mark shrugged, "and their father is emotionally distant, and a drunk. I know about that," he admitted in a moment of true vulnerability. "I got it."

"Yes," Derek said. "You do," and he too allowed himself a moment of reflection. "I'm glad," he said, "you came out here…glad…to have my brother back."

Mark nodded. "So am I…thanks…for making me part of the family…again."

"You always were," Derek told him, and placed a hand on his shoulder. "Now, don't screw around with her. It's Meredith's sister."

"I know." Mark admitted.

"Not," Derek taunted, "that it's ever stopped you before. But…those times I didn't know about at the time; now, Meredith will insist I kill you…" he paused. Then, added, more accurately, "if you hurt her."

"Mer," Derek called out to her as he went up the steps to the second floor. He paused, for a second, as he heard a faint conversation. "Stevens," he said as she came out of her room, "I didn't realize you and Alex were still here."

"He's not," Izzie smiled at him. "I had to come back upstairs to finish…" had she completed the sentence, she would have said conversation, instead, she realized what she was going to say and amended her comment. "To get something I forgot."

"Oh…" Derek commented, "I thought I heard you talking to someone."

"No," Izzie said, almost too quickly, before she went down the stairs.

"Meredith," Derek called her name again as he entered their bedroom. "We need to leave in the next few minutes."

"I know," Meredith said as she came out of the bathroom. "I know…"

"Hey," he immediately detected the catch in her voice, and went to her side, lifting her chin. "What's…wrong…"

"Derek," her teary gaze met his, "you knew…Lexie just told me."

"I knew what," he cupped her face, kissing her softly.

"Mark called you last night…you told him to bring her here … even when you didn't want…anyone else here… you asked for no more strays…and you…brought another stray…to our home."

"She's your sister," he smiled at her. "Our family."

"I love you," Meredith kissed him softly. "So much."

"No more tears," his thumb caught the single tear from falling.

"Happy tears," Meredith told him. "Mom and Kathleen say they're good for the soul."

"Meredith," he hugged her tightly, the catch in his voice was evident as well. His wife had so easily called Carolyn, Mom. "I love you…for always," he repeated the words she used when she made her wedding vows in Venice.

"Even," she smiled at him, "when I'm being bossy…and …"

"Especially then…" he hugged her. "I love…every inch of you…"

"Isn't that my line," she said playfully.

"Yes…but…I'm your sex slave," he said, and they shared one last kiss before having no choice but to leave the house and make their way to Seattle Grace.

"About time," Miranda Bailey muttered as the elevator doors opened and she saw Meredith and Derek standing, holding hands, ready to step inside.

"We're not late," Derek told her and looked at his watch.

"Didn't say you were," Bailey answered.

"Miranda," Derek smiled, "you don't scare me. I'm your boss."

"That line's getting old Shepherd," Miranda glared at him.

"It's true," Derek responded.

"Grey," Miranda ignored him. "How was your Thanksgiving trip?"

"It was lovely, thank you so much for helping with my schedule. How was yours?"

"Blessed," the serious woman smiled.

"How is Tuck?" Meredith asked.

"I'm actually on my way to see him. I had an early errand this morning, and left the house before he was awake. Tucker dropped him off at daycare."

"So," Derek said, "you're making comments about us not being here, and yet, you haven't started your shift yet?"

"Grey," Meredith ignored him again. "Is he really that brainless?"

"Only sometimes," Meredith squeezed his hand. "He's probably nervous around you."

"Grey," Miranda chuckled. "It's good to have you back."

"Thank you Dr. Bailey," Meredith smiled. "It's good to be back," and Derek glared at both women.

"You are not funny," he pouted. "Neither of you are," and they walked off the elevator.

"Ish…ish…" a small whirlwind collided with Derek's leg.

"Dr. Mewedith," an excited four year old ran to Meredith. "This is the bestest supwise ever…" and Meredith picked her up and Kelly threw her arms around her neck and hugged her. "I love you Dr. Mewedith. I missed you."

"Hey sweetie," Meredith smiled at her. "This is a wonderful surprise to see you today."

"Mommy and I came to the hospital…"

"Colleen," Derek said concerned. "Is everything ok?"

"Ish…ish…peese…" Tuck asked of Derek.

"All is fine," Colleen assured him. "Miranda and I had to exchange some …packages."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly smiled. "Are you gonna take Tuck fishing…cause you tolds us…"

"I am," Derek said. "Next day I'm off…I'm going to take him."

"Brainless," Miranda mumbled. "I'll never hear the end of it."

"Oh oh," Kelly said. "Dr. Shep, I think that means you did something wrong. Like Daddy does when Mommy says that."

"Probably," Derek chuckled.

"You gonna take me too? And Sean, cause he's good walking now…"

"Sean is a little too young for fishing," Derek said. "But, next time we get together at our house, I'll teach you how to fish too."

"You mean the twailer?" Kelly asked, "cause that's your house?"

"Yes," Derek answered.

"Shepherd," Miranda warned. "Little pitchers…"

"Paddy says that means," Kelly said confidently, "there's little children around, and you gots to use good words…so we learn the right words…right Mommy?"

"Yes, sweetie," Colleen responded. "Do you think you'll be ok here with Dr. Bailey, so I can go put some things in her car?"

"Yes, Mommy…and I can stay with Dr. Mewedith…and Dr. Shep…"

"I think," Miranda said, "Dr. Shep, may need to get to work. But, Dr. Meredith has a little time," she dared Derek to contradict her last minute schedule change.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, "can we goes to the cafeteria…and get chocolate milk?"

"Mamma," Tuck said, "milk…peese…"

"Yes," Miranda's face softened, as she looked at her son. "You can have milk."

"I don't have to work…yet…" Derek said, a small pout evident.

"Shepherd," Miranda shook her head, trying to hide a smile. "Take care of these two…while we take care of something."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly asked, "When you was gone, did you turn red like daddy?"

"Your daddy turned red?" Derek looked up at Colleen, and saw her shake her head.

"That's what he tolds Mommy…that Friday was Black…but that's silly cause it was a really pwetty day…right Mommy…it was really bright and sunny…and it took just one day…for him to turn red…"

"A good example of brainless," Colleen interpreted. "John said all it took was Black Friday for his finances to turn red."

"Men," Miranda muttered. "We'll be right back," and she and Colleen Mulligan walked down the corridor laughing.

"Would you care to explain," Derek turned to Meredith, "what that was about?"

"I have no idea," she laughed. "But, I get the feeling it's got to do with C-h-r-i-s-t-m-a-s, and Black Friday shopping…just like your sisters."

While Meredith and Derek, who in reality had arrived early enough to start their shifts on time, in spite of the unexpected delay, entertained Tuck and Kelly, their mothers joined them in the cafeteria.

"Mommy," Kelly asked. "Did you gets to help Dr. B find the present Santa couldn't make?"

"Yes, sweetie…" Colleen told her, "I did."

"I hearded Mommy talking to Aunt Shannon that Dr. B needed to find something that Santa couldn't make … and Mommy knew where to find it…and Dr. B…she knows everything," the little girl stated as Miranda Bailey grinned. "Dr. Shep, did you know that…she knows everything in the whole wide world…"

"Colleen," Derek commented, "you've got to watch the company you keep."

"Brainless moron," Bailey muttered.

"Kelly," Meredith raised her voice, "yes, Dr. B does know everything in the whole wide world because she's very smart."

"Cause," Kelly said wisely, "she's a girl doctor…"

"Yes she is," Meredith agreed.

"And she does surgys…but…Dr. Shep…he's the smartest bestest bwain doctor ever…"

"Yes," Meredith smiled, "he is."

"Grey," Miranda protested, "don't feed that ego…"

"Like she didn't just feed yours," Derek quipped.

"Tuck," Miranda turned to her son, "sweetie…in four more sleeps," she held up her fingers, "Ish is going to spend the day with you," and that settled Derek's day off.

"Meredith works this weekend," Derek said incredulously. "You said she had to be there."

"She doesn't," Miranda surprised him again. "I trust you," and added, "completely, with my son," the bonds of friendship well established; their apparent bickering a total farce between two friends that felt great affection for each other.

"I'm going to have to go," Meredith said, "my shift starts in ten minutes."

"Grey," Miranda said, "you're fine."

"You know Miranda," Derek joked. "You used to accuse me of favoritism."

"Colleen," Miranda ignored him. "Thanks again for the help."

"You were a life saver too," Colleen assured her, as both women had been able to avoid a lot of Christmas day disappointments for their children.

"You never struck me as a Black Friday shopper," Derek said, "neither of you."

"Wait," Colleen said, "till you have kids…and S-A-N-T-A can't build them fast enough!"

"Mommy," Kelly smiled, "I know that word…"

"You do?" Colleen asked.

"Paddy tolds me…cause Nana kept saying that…and I got real cuwious…like cuwious George," she giggled, "but I didn't gets in trouble like him."

"That's very smart, sweetie," Colleen said. "We'll have to ask Paddy what other words he's taught you. Now, we need to get going."

"I learned lots of words Mommy," she said proudly. "Can we go look at the babies before we go?"

"Yes," Colleen smiled. "We can do that."

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said suddenly, "you went to see god's baby…cause she got water over her head…and Nana says when you gets water over your head…you become god's…what did she say Mommy I not remember."

"You can ask Nana again," Colleen told her, and met Meredith's smiling gaze as her daughter continued talking.

"Did Kewwy cry when they put water over her head? I remember her name…cause it has a K like my name…Sean cried lots and lots…I remember…"

"She cried just a little," Meredith recalled the moment.

"Kelly," Derek smiled as well, "as soon as Dr. Meredith held her, she stopped crying."

"Cause she knows Dr. Mewedith loves her lots and lots," Kelly stated as fact.

"Yes," Derek smiled indulgently, "she does."

"Ish," Tuck reminded him of his presence once he'd finished with his chocolate milk, and some apple slices Derek had added to the treat. "More apple."

"Did you take lots of pictures," Kelly asked. "Cause when my baby cousin got to be god's baby…we had to wait forever and ever…before we went home and had a party."

"Yes," Meredith smiled, and took out her phone to look for some pictures of the baptism.

"Meredith," Colleen said, "she's adorable…"

"She's beautiful Grey," Miranda smiled, "I can see why you're smitten."

"She is," Meredith smiled as the two women looked over the pictures. "She recognizes my voice…it's amazing."

"They are," Colleen said. "Tiny perfect miracles."

"Yes," Meredith met Derek's gaze, "they certainly are. Just like these two."

"I'm big Dr. Mewedith," Kelly commented, never missing a beat.

"You are, and a perfect miracle too," Derek told her.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said as she too looked at the photos on her phone. "You gots lots of pictures…with lots of children, cause you love them lots and lots… but you don't gots my picture."

"You know what," Meredith shifted in her seat and placed the little girl on her lap, "you were the very first little girl that I had a picture of on my phone," and she scrolled through her photos and one of Kelly blowing bubbles the first time the Mulligans visited their land.

"Oh my goodness," Kelly said delightedly, "you gots a picture when I gots to visit the twailer…and made lots of bubbles…"

"That's right," Meredith kissed the top of her head, "you see…the very first picture of any little girl is of you…"

"I love you Dr. Mewedith…"

"I love you too Kelly," Meredith kissed her cheek.

"I tells you a secwet…" Kelly whispered for all to hear, "my fwiend Bwianna…she was blowing bubbles…that's cause why I was laughing…cause she was being silly…"

"Oh sweetie," Meredith's eyes watered, "you are truly a perfect miracle…"

Miranda Bailey felt the lump at her throat, and gave thanks for a year that made it possible for her son and the adorable girl in front of her to have recuperated fully from potentially fatal medical emergencies, and smiled at the future; the future she knew would bring tiny perfect miracles to Meredith and Derek's life.

Derek put his arm around Meredith, drawing her close to him, kissing her temple, and peace settled in their hearts as they too knew at that moment, with absolute certainty, that their dreams, the dreams of an Angel named Brianna, were soon destined to be fulfilled.


	229. Chapter 229

_A/N - January 2, 2012 – Happy New Year! Wish you the most important of all wealth; health – and time to enjoy with family and loved ones. Life, I'm convinced, is truly about family and those simple things that inspire priceless, treasured, memories. _

_As I write this, enjoying another beautiful sunny perfect day, listening to the gentle lapping of the waves at the shore, and as conducive to writing as I thought it was going to be…it also leads to lots of unexpected napping! Long walk this morning, and now…as the early afternoon settles in, I'm determined to finish this chapter. As you may have guessed, some of these chapters…become much longer than expected. Part 3/C of their first Christmas together, I am hoping to finish very soon… maybe even before the Twelve Days of Christmas. But, but, there's a one shot in my head wanting to be written, and I HAVE to write a chapter for Obliterated Hopes. _

_Hard to believe it's been almost four years since the story began, and I am committed to allowing this to unfold with all those scenes I had in mind originally, and those that wouldn't be left untold as I got to know more of these characters. I hope you have enjoyed it, and thank each and every one of you that has read this very long (over one million words) story… this is the year to complete it, sooner rather than later, and I hope when you read the last chapter, you will not be disappointed. _

_Oops…didn't get to finish till today 1/3/12 - Your comments are so very much appreciated and inspiring. I'd be so very grateful if you are inspired to share your thoughts, and I will catch up with comments for all those that have a link. Based on the diminishing comments, I'm trying to speed up the end, so I can put the story to rest. Thanks Maureen for your continued support & enthusiasm; Mary, tried to update before Christmas as I was thinking of your message, but wasn't able to get it written in time. Warmest regards, Jasmin. _

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas … Part 9B **_

_Inspired by Twelve or so…days/scenes before Christmas…please bear with me through the various scenes, which to me…felt important to lead from one to the other…_

"Good morning," Meredith greeted her husband with a kiss.

"Sleep…" Derek mumbled. "Tired…just sleep…"

"That's not what you said last night," Meredith smiled as she teased, and nipped his lips, then caressed his face, the prickly stubble emphasizing the older than twenty four- hour stubble, "especially when…" she reminded him exactly of what he'd said the night before, long after he'd walked in at nine o'clock, apparently exhausted from a complicated seven hour surgery.

"Must be," he murmured, and she felt the smile upon her lips, "brainless," and his laughter followed hers, leaving them both content, fulfilled and in need of sleep.

Meredith snuggled safely in his arms, the light snores a comfort to him, as they'd settled into the spooning position that had been a favorite for so long. The break of dawn still distant, Derek smiled, thoughts of the night before making him wish she didn't have to work in a few hours, and gave in to the sleep his body had been craving.

Hours later, Meredith's lips woke him first, then her voice, "good morning." A kiss, "again," and another, "time to get up."

"Why?" Derek asked as he attempted, instinctively, to draw his wife close to him, but she wasn't in bed, rather sitting next to him, on his side of the bed leaning in to him.

"Breakfast time…" Meredith told him.

Derek ignored her, "rather stay in bed with you."

"So would I," she kissed him, "but…I have to work."

"It's still dark…" he pulled her closer.

"I have to take the ferry…"

"I'm sorry," his hand caressed her neck and brought her face close to him and met her lips, "we shouldn't have come here…"

"I love being here," she said of the trailer, "we have no noise restrictions," and he chuckled, forgetting her intentions to get up, and without much effort pulled her into bed with him again.

"Me too," he cupped her face in one hand, his thumb caressing her lips. "But, you could have slept longer…" he kissed her.

"I loved being here…the last two nights…just us," she deepened their kiss.

"No kids to worry about," he joked about their roommates.

"Not last night," Meredith agreed. "But…today…you'll have your hands full," and she kissed him once more before getting out of bed.

"You're going to be gone," he smiled at her, that McDreamy smile, "my hands are full…" he paused, "only when you're around."

"Better be the only time," she raised her eyebrow suggestively, "if I hear you're flirting with that married intern…that hussy…"

Derek's laughter filled the air, as she walked toward the kitchen. "I forgot all about her…my wife's very jealous."

"Your wife's not jealous," she called out to him.

"Whatever you say dear," he teased her. "Hey Mer," he called before going in the small bathroom. "You want me to shave now?"

"No," she called out, "you're spending the day in the wilderness," she smiled softly and continued with her project.

"You're cooking breakfast," Derek wrapped his arms around her a few minutes later.

"Wifely duties," she leaned back into him. "You'll have a toddler all day with you," she reminded him.

"You want to make sure I can keep up with Tuck," he took the spoon from her hand and stirred the pot.

"No," she took the pot of the burner and turned to face him. "I want to make sure I can keep up with you ... tonight," and their laughter echoed through the small confines of the place they'd first discovered love; the love of soul mates.

"You're getting really good," Derek had his arms around her as they stood on the ferry's deck, the morning wind making it feel colder than it was.

"I should be saying that," she smiled. "About you…"

"That," he nuzzled her neck, lifted her scarf momentarily and replaced its warmth with his lips, a light nip, "is a given…"

"Is it," she sighed in contentment, certain he'd interpreted her comment as she had meant.

"Best…" he sucked gently enough not to leave a mark, "sex…slave…ever..." and his heart was filled with the warmth of her giggle, "at least…that's what you said last night."

"Yes…" she drew his arms closer around her, "you certainly are," and she closed her eyes, and briefly said…thank you…for this…for this man that loves me.

"You're deep in thought," Derek tightened his hold on her.

"I love you," she said before she faced him, bodies close against each other. "Derek…I love you so much."

"Meredith," her name a caress, then his lips touched hers. "I love you."

"So," Meredith said as Derek reached for her hand as they walked off the elevator at the hospital. "You never said what I was getting really good at…"

"Oh no," Cristina appeared behind them with Izzie and Alex close by. "Don't you ever give it a break?"

"Yang, good thing," Derek commented, "you're not one of our live in kids, or you'd be looking for a new place too."

"A new place too," Izzie whined. "Derek… Mer said she was kidding…and…"

"Iz," Alex said, "he's pulling your leg. Mer's got him mesmerized."

"Evil spawn," Cristina taunted Alex. "You surprise me. You're increasing your vocabulary."

"You're not getting a rise out of me…" Alex told her as they all walked toward the nurse's station.

"In your dreams," Cristina smirked. "Barbie's all you can handle."

"Bitch," Alex said snarkily.

"Karev," he felt the smack on the back of his head, "watch your language."

"Shit," Alex reacted by turning around. "How the hell do you reach so high?"

"If my son learns that from you," Bailey glared at him, "you won't see the inside of an OR for a month."

"Your son's not here," Alex retorted.

"He will be," Bailey replied, "and watch your tone too," she shifted her attention to Derek who was putting eye drops in his eyes. "Shepherd," the tiny giant said, "are you aware you have my toddler son…all day…and you cannot keep your eyes off him one single second? Grey…what were you thinking keeping him up all night?"

"How the hell does she do it," Alex leaned over to Meredith, "to know you and Shepherd were up all night…screaming in the jungle…"

"Karev," Bailey said again, "show some respect," and she shocked them all, "for your parents…it's bad enough they have overgrown teenagers still living at home."

"Good morning," Amy Lynn tried to contain her laughter, "doctors… it's nice to see all of you on this beautiful Saturday morning."

"You've been up all night… too?" Bailey stated.

"Yep," the nurse replied. "So were you," Amy Lynn said low enough for Bailey's ears.

"Amy Lynn," Bailey said, "are you trying to compete," and she winked at the nurse, "with knowing everything?"

"That's your domain Dr. Bailey," Amy Lynn winked back. "All yours," as secrets remained unspoken about how nurse and doctor were always privy to everything!

"Mamma, Mamma," the squeals of a toddler made everyone smile, as the whirlwind of energy ran to his mother.

"Good morning baby," Miranda Bailey lifted her son and kissed him.

"Mamma, no baby…" Tuck Jr. touched his mother's cheek.

"You're a big boy," Miranda's tone immediately turned soft, "and I missed you."

"Miss you Mamma…wuv you…"

"Hi Tucker," Derek greeted Bailey's husband with a handshake.

Tuck's attention was diverted by his son, and he broke into a grin. "Ish…ish…"

"Hey Tuck," Derek said. "Are you ready to go fishing?"

"Ish…" the young boy clapped his hands, and extended his arms to Derek. "Go…ish."

"Are you ready?" Derek asked of the boy.

"Go…" Tuck smiled. "Bye Mamma…bye Daddy…"

"Guess," Derek said, "you're ready to go," and reached for the child.

"Go…Ish…go…" Tuck smiled at Derek.

"Shepherd," Miranda Bailey looked at him. "You have my son…do you know what that little boy means to me…to us," she turned to her husband, reached for his hand, an involuntarily gesture that made Derek smile at Meredith. "He's never been fishing…" she got sentimental, "and…I'm trusting you…"

"I will take care of him," Derek met Miranda's gaze, "as if he were my own."

"Ok, then," Miranda Bailey was back. "See that you do," the trust in her friend absolute.

"Bubbles… go pay bubbles…" Tuck reached for Meredith, who was surprised at the little boy's memory.

"Hey Tuck," Meredith held him, "I have to work…with your Mamma, but we have bubbles at the trailer for you to play with."

"That should be fun," Cristina commented, "Dad chasing after bubbles."

"Yang," Bailey said, "aren't you late for your shift."

"I'm early," Cristina replied, "working with you today."

"Wonders never cease," Bailey glared at her, "go check on the patient scheduled for our first surgery today, and the two of you," she asked of Alex and Izzie. "Shoudn't you be going home? You both pestered me enough about having this weekend off."

"We're leaving," Izzie appeared to blush, "but Alex is just driving me home…and…"

"Stevens," Bailey stated. "You don't fool me. Get out of here," and with that comment, it was clearly established that Izzie Stevens and Alex Karev were officially a couple. "And," Bailey uncharacteristically made personal comments, "enjoy your long weekend."

Hours later, Meredith and Cristina enjoyed a long overdue break in the tunnels, spending time together for the first time since their trip back east, while eating cafeteria food.

"Mer," Cristina commented on the walk back to the nurse's station, "I'm going to win that bet for sure…Sloan is smitten…with…Little Grey…"

"What's this about Little Grey?" Meredith asked.

"His nickname for three…" Cristina answered.

"Stop calling her that, you know her name," Meredith rolled her eyes.

"Mer," Cristina said, surprising her friend. "You're a good sister. Lexie's lucky," and then much quieter, "so am I."

"Don't forget it," Meredith answered, after pausing to contemplate the unexpected sentimental vulnerability shown by Cristina Yang.

"Kind of hard," Cristina said, "with all Shepherdsville influence."

"You've been in touch with Carolyn," Meredith smiled. "Haven't you?"

"Maybe…" Cristina shrugged.

"Admit it," Meredith smiled, "you enjoyed yourself…"

"Yeah," Cristina said. "I did … thank you…"

"You're my family…you had to be there…"

"Mom," Cristina had to change the sentimental tone of the conversation, "you have to keep an eye on Lexie. I think…" she paused for effect, "manwhore…really likes her."

"You think…seriously?" Meredith said unsure, after all the months of Maloney women's speculation, if she was pleased or worried with the potential outcome. She had also looked at her pager, and changed the subject. "Derek's here, I wonder how his day went," and Cristina followed her to the first floor where her husband was just walking through the sliding doors of Seattle Grace.

"Bubbles…" Meredith smiled as she saw the little boy walking toward her, holding on to her husband's hand. "Mamma…" he looked beyond as he saw his mother, and Derek let go of his hand so he could run to her. "Mamma," the toddler said excitedly, "ish…go hop baby ish…no eat… nap Mamma…run with bubbles…"

"Shepherd?" Miranda questioned. "Care to interpret? Or am I to assume my son didn't eat or nap?"

"Mamma," Tuck Jr. giggled and told of his day. "No eat baby fish… Ish nap…me pay hop Mamma…"

"You had a good time," Miranda smiled at her son.

"Fun Mamma…" and turned to Meredith. "Bubbles," he smiled, "ish pay big bubbles."

"Derek?" Meredith smiled at him.

"Ook ook…Bubbles," Tuck grinned at her, "baby ish…"

"Miranda," Derek said. "Care to interpret?"

"I'd like to know what the shop was for," Bailey questioned. "Since he had just about everything he needed in his bag this morning."

"Tuck," Derek asked of the little boy, "do you want to tell your Mom what we shopped for?"

"Hop is shop?" Cristina asked of Meredith.

"I guess," Meredith responded, smiling at the interaction between her husband and Bailey's toddler son.

"Mamma…ook…me ish…baby ish…no eat Mamma…"

Derek did as the young boy asked and opened the smallest cooler he had been able to find earlier that day. "Your son," Derek smiled proudly, "caught several baby fish…we could definitely not eat for lunch, but he wanted to show you …and I figured, if I didn't put them in a cooler, you'd k-i-l-l me…so we went to hop…" he grinned at Meredith, "shop…so he could bring them to you, and after our long day…he and …" he leaned slightly toward Meredith

"Shepherd," Bailey said, "my son is here…do all that McDreamy leaning later," and Cristina turned her face to laugh.

"Tuck," Derek picked up the boy, "did you have a good time fishing today?"

"Yep," the little boy nodded, and pulled on Meredith's hair, "bubbles…big fun…"

"I'm glad," Meredith smiled, "you had fun fishing and blowing bubbles…"

"Ish…" Tuck spoke to Derek, "big bubbles…"

"That must mean," Cristina said, "he's full of hot air…just as we've known…"

"Yang," Bailey reprimanded. "Behave," she was not about to let anyone make fun of the man she'd entrusted her son to, and was responsible for the smiles of joy on his face.

"Miranda," Derek said, "we'll do it again…he's a lot of fun…exhausting fun," he chuckled, "hence the nap."

"Shepherd," Miranda smiled at him. "Thank you…"

"Anytime," he said, as the little boy continued to tell his mother of his day's adventure. "You may want to have Tucker discard what's in the cooler … as soon as possible."

"I'll make sure he does," Miranda said. "Don't want any f-i-s-h smell in my house."

"Mer," Derek put his arm around her, "any chance you have a break? Grab a bite?"

"Just did," Meredith said a longing look in her eyes. "I have to get back, but at least I got to see you now."

"Meredith," Cristina said, and then turned to Bailey. "If it's ok…with Dr. Bailey, I can cover for you…page you …"

"That's very nice of you Cristina," Miranda said. "Go ahead Grey…"

"Thank you," Meredith smiled, "I won't take long...fifteen minutes maybe…"

"Take your time," Miranda Bailey smiled. "Shepherd's earned a break today…"

"An old softie…" Derek told her, "no doubt…."

"Don't push it," Miranda said. "Go…"

"Bye ish…. wuv you…"

"Bye Tuck…" Derek told him, "I'll see you again soon…and Meredith can join us."

"Bye bubbles," Tuck smiled at Meredith, and in her smile was the hope of future dreams.

"Mer," Cristina stood next to her. "Five chatty kids…remember…protection…"

"I'll keep that in mind," Meredith laughed as Derek reached for her hand and they walked down the hall, destination somewhat unknown, and spent more than fifteen minutes together before she would be needed and paged to the emergency room; the first of many stolen, treasured, moments that would live long in the tapestry of memories from their first year of holidays together.

Monday morning dawned earlier than either wanted. "Meredith," felt his lips tenderly on hers. "You need to get up," he kissed her again.

"Why?"

"It's Monday, your shift starts at seven," he kissed her again, a bit more playfully. "If you get up now…I can cook you breakfast."

"Anything," she smiled, her lips tasting his, "I want…"

"Anything," he responded in kind, his hands traveling the length of her body.

"You," she kissed him, before she looked at him, running her hands through his hair, "I want you…"

"You need to…"

"I need you," she whispered seductively. "Derek, make love to me."

"Your sex slave," he smiled, "at your command."

"My turn," her smile held unspoken pleasures, "to be your slave," and as she caressed the length of him, his lips captured hers, and they lost themselves in each other and the ecstasy of their surrender echoed through the walls of the house where they'd first come together, a house that months before, together, they had made a home.

"Jenna," after their very quick breakfast, he drove to the hospital. Meredith smiled before she picked up Derek's phone, "are you done shopping for all your Christmas presents?"

"Aunty M," Meghan's voice was unmistakable.

"Meghan, sweetie," Meredith was caught by surprise. "I'm really happy to hear your voice, but where's your Mommy? You know you can't call if she's not there."

"Mommy's here Aunty M…but she lets me call cause of she's changing Kerry…and she told me I could call and talk to Uncle D first…cause of I'm a big girl and I knows to dial his number and your number…and Daddy's and Granma's," the list went on, "and if it's ergency I dial from the house phone 9-1-1"

"Sweetie…aren't you in school this morning?" Meredith questioned.

"I only goes some days…but Katie she goes all the days cause of she's five years old…Aunty M…why does you say that Mommy goes Christmas shopping? Santa brings pwesents...not Mommy…but, Granma and Nana Grace and Aunty Maggie and Aunt Mary they don't have little kids…their kids are old and they go shopping cause of Santa only makes a list for little kids…but they gots to live with their Mommy and Daddy…"

"Oh crap," Meredith covered the speaker as the little girl rattled off every relative's name she could think of. "Derek…help…talk to Meghan…"

"What," he looked over to the driver seat. "She likes talking to you."

"I screwed up about Santa," she opened her eyes wide at him.

"Put her on speaker," Derek laughed. "Hey Meggie, it's Uncle Derek…"

"Hi Uncle D…cause of why are you with Aunty M… don't you have to be do surgys? Mommy said I could call you and just say… Uncle D…this is Meghan…and Mommy is here and she says she wants you to call her today, but Aunty M answered the phone."

"I'm on my way to the hospital with your Aunt Meredith, where's your Mommy?"

"She's here now…I talk more later…ok…tell Aunty M…Mommy don't have to go shopping cause of Santa brings all the toys…for little kids and babies…"

"Ok, Meghan," he chuckled. "I'll tell her."

"You ass," Meredith smacked his arm, "it's not funny."

"Meredith," Jenna's voice was on the line, "Derek…what did you do now?"

"It wasn't me," he protested. "It was Meredith that needs practice."

"Crap Jenna, I screwed up… I thought it was you and I asked if you'd finished Christmas shopping and then it was Meggie…and… oh God… I ruined it…"

"Mer," Jenna laughed, "relax. She explained to you…how it works…"

"She said that you didn't need to," she paused when she heard his chuckle and amusement. "Derek…you're laughing at me…"

"Mer," Derek soothed, "believe me…they've all put us on the spot…"

"It's not funny," Meredith glared at him. "I'm not used to this … I've never ever around kids…you should have told me…instead of possibly ruining a little girl's idea of Santa…and it's…" her eyes watered.

"Jen," Derek pulled off to the side of the road. "I'll call you back."

"Mer," Jenna reassured, recognizing her sister in law was truly upset. "It's really ok."

"Call you back," Derek said and disconnected the call as he unbuckled his seat belt and reached over to embrace his wife. "Mer…I'm sorry…I wasn't laughing at you…"

"You were," she told him, "and it's … you know I didn't have that. My Mom, she didn't believe in anything Derek…and I don't know what to say to little kids…and now…"

"I'm sorry," he kissed her softly. "I took it for granted, because I've had to hear it so many times…and got smacked along the way a few times when I forgot kids were around."

"You did…" she asked him, unsure if she should believe him. "You're not making it up to make me feel better?"

"Mer," he caressed her cheek and smiled at her. "Where do you think that brainless title came from the first time?"

"Really?" She smiled in spite of herself.

"Really," and he finally relaxed when his wife kissed him back, "just ask Kat." He called his Jenna back later; he'd not grown up around all women in vain, and knew there had been a specific reason for his sister calling him that morning instead of Meredith.

That night Derek smiled, listening to the conversation between his wife and his oldest sister, as Kathleen brought to life the first time her brother had been labeled brainless.

He pulled Meredith into his arms, interrupted the conversation a few times, living up to the infamous brainless label again, before it was just the two of them alone.

"Derek," Meredith entwined her fingers with his.

"Uhmmm…" he kissed her shoulder, then her neck.

"This morning," she paused briefly.

"Yes…" he smiled at her hesitation, wondering what she could be thinking.

"It has been a long time…" she paused, "our…disagreement…sort of…"

"Since we had to use our quota…"

"You knew what I was going to say…" she pressed herself closer to him.

"It's the only thing that was different…our almost used up quota of two misunderstandings per day."

"That's pretty good," she said, a hint of doubt in her voice. No matter how much progress they had indeed made; doubts and that old dark and twisty were often just a moment away, "right…we've made progress this year."

"I think," he kissed her neck tenderly, turned her body to face him. They locked gazes, love the only emotion reflected. "You…" he kissed her lips gently, softly, then kissed her cheek, "have made that possible…because…"

"It's not me," she said a bit reserved, "it's us…both of us…trying…"

"How about we compromise…" he smiled at her.

"Ok…" she smiled at him, "what's the compromise…"

"That we," he held her gaze, "because of you…are so much more than ordinary…"

"Not like my mom said…"

"She didn't know you," he agreed, "and in my eyes…you're extraordinary."

"Maybe," Meredith whispered, "she'd be proud…"

"I know," Derek assured her, "she's proud."

"Thank you," Meredith said as her eyes shone at his sensitivity.

"I love you," Derek told her, "so did she," and he held his wife throughout the night; a night of tender words and gentle loving caresses leaving no doubt of his love and commitment for the extraordinary woman he loved.

Two mornings later, Meredith sleepily reached for her husband. "Derek," she frowned when she found him missing, but her shift had been extended due to a longer than expected surgery, and she'd been too tired to even strip her clothes the night before, and now settled for his scent, as she snuggled his pillow.

Derek, meanwhile, smiled as he sat back on his desk, proud of his handy work, and spoke with his sister Jenna. It had been two days since her call, and he was getting a kick out of the early Christmas gift she'd sent to them, even more so that he'd figured out what to do with it, but had no idea how he'd keep a secret another two weeks. Jenna had called to let him know to expect the delivery, and though it was a gift for them both, she'd really been thinking about Meredith when the idea occurred to her.

"Derek," Meredith called out for the second time that morning.

"Jen, I have to go… bye Kerry…" his godchild gurgled back. "We love you."

"Derek," Meredith opened the door to the den, "who are you talking to?"

"Jenna," he figured the less lies the less chance he'd screw up, "and Kerry."

"Why didn't you wake me?" She frowned.

"You were sleeping like a log," he met her half way and kissed her.

"I never mind your morning wake up calls…" she pulled back from him. "Shepherd," she confronted. "What's going on?"

"Nothing…"

"Derek…you're not a good liar…"

"I'm not lying…do you see anything going on?"

"What were you talking to Jenna about?"

"You're not a mind reader you know…"

"Yeah," Meredith said flirtingly, "I am…" she pressed herself against him. "I know you want me…or…" she taunted, as she pulled back again, and her hands found their way to the waistband of his pajamas. "I could make you want me…very very…much…"

"What's your point," he chuckled, his desire for her that obvious, and the moment her hands were on him, he took control, devouring her mouth; both enticing and seducing the other.

"I've missed you," Meredith wrapped his arms tighter around her, as she snuggled against him on the old oversize chair in the den, covered by the infamous lavender throw. "It's been two nights without you…too exhausted when we both get home…"

"We'll have this weekend," he said, "two more days…nothing to do but relax and forty eight hours of uninterrupted sex…and sex slave duties…"

"Relax," Meredith smiled. "Sex slave duties…all weekend long…"

"I love how your mind works, Mrs. Shepherd," he teased her with a rarely used title.

"Oh no, Derek," Meredith sat up on his lap and said seriously.

"Mer, I'm teasing you about Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Not that," she glared at him, "Derek…we won't have time, this is the last weekend we have to get all the shopping done for your family, and there's tons of kids Derek…and I've never done this before, and there's fifteen, and your sisters and Mom, Aunt Pat…and we have to get something for Aunt Mary…and…everyone's been so nice…and I know you must have bought gifts for Grace and …Charles…"

Derek silenced her with a kiss. "Meredith… we have time…"

"How," diversion wasn't going to work this time. "Can you say that, Derek… if we want to get things to them on time…we need to get everything done this weekend…and you're not a real big help in getting gifts for the kids you know…"

"Ok," he conceded, though he had no intention of giving up an uninterrupted weekend with his wife. "We'll get it all done…I promise…"

"You're just saying that…" she stared at him. "I know how your mind works," and he couldn't dismiss the seriousness of her tone. "It's important to me… if I mess this up…you know your family will think back to when you were still with her…"

"Meredith," he kissed her softly. "You won't mess up…they already love you."

"I don't want to bring her up…but," Meredith bit her lip, "you were together a long time…and it's natural…that they'd compare."

"They won't compare," Derek cupped her face, caressed her check with the back of his hand, "because she never thought about Grace or Charles… or Aunt Mary…"

"Oh," was all Meredith could say, rather surprised at the revelation.

"We'll spend all day Saturday…" he told her, "and make sure we get everything you want for everyone."

"Thank you," she pressed her lips against his softly, "for understanding."

"I do," he smiled. "But, we have to finish Saturday," he kissed her. "Sunday, is all mine…ours…"

"Fine," she smiled at him, "lots of dirty sex…" she teased. "IF, we finish shopping, and get everything ready to mail."

"Deal…" he chuckled, "you drive a very hard bargain."

"You think so," she raised an eyebrow suggestively. "I'm actually counting on that applying much more to you…at least…I'm counting on it."

"Just… how late," one hand began to caress her thigh, very strategically, "do you want to be this morning?"

"That's entirely," she teased, "up…to…you…I mean…my old beast keeps suggesting he can't keep up with me."

"Have I ever really said that," Derek watched her; silencing her moan with his mouth, as his hands continued their pleasurable exploration.

"Derek…" Meredith moaned again. "I'm counting on you keeping up with me Saturday…so I can keep up with you…all of Sunday…"

"Count on it," he told her, already thinking of ways to ensure they did not spend all day Saturday shopping.

"Derek," she questioned, enjoying the moments of intimacy before they would inevitably need to get ready for work. "What are you scheming?"

"Saw right through that…didn't you?"

"I have to say," Meredith told him, "I do love how seriously you take your sex slave duties," and his laughter, this one particular tone that never failed to make her heart skip a beat, joined with hers.

"We're going to let our fingers to the walking," he said.

"Derek…we're not talking about sex," she laughed.

"Neither am I," he told her, and laughed at her blank expression. "Mer…the yellow pages…old slogan…"

"You've been talking to Lexie again…too much…"

"No," he laughed. "It's a classic advertising slogan, like don't leave home without it…"

"I know that one," Meredith said. "You remind me enough times to use your credit card."

"Mer," Derek laughed and hugged her, "don't forget it either, use my American Express for all our Christmas shopping," he teased her.

"What does all this have to do with let your fingers…whatever…"

"That," he smiled provocatively and let his fingers begin to explore many of her favorite things, "instead of spending time…"

She stopped him. "Forget what it meant," she kissed him, "your fingers can do anything they want…" and they did…to each other's mutual satisfaction…letting their fingers to the walking…all over each other's bodies.

"I'm sure," Meredith said a while later as she finished getting ready in their bedroom; they had enjoyed a somewhat leisurely morning, since they were both scheduled for a surgery that didn't require them to be at the hospital until ten. "Whatever you meant earlier," she smiled seductively at him, "about the yellow pages…was not at all related to what we did…"

"Damn right," he laughed. "But… a hell of a lot more fun…than what I was thinking."

"So," Meredith said right as they drove together to the hospital, "what were you thinking…when you brought up the yellow pages."

"Not quite the yellow pages," he smiled as he drove. "But…that in line with that slogan," he chuckled, "which I still can't believe you didn't know."

"Hey," she smacked him playfully, "I can't help it if you were a geek…"

"Mer," he defended, "it has nothing to do with being a geek it was one of the most …"

"Whatever," she rolled her eyes at him. "Get to the point Shepherd, you're really rambling lately," and he took his eyes off the road for a second to look at her, before he roared with laughter.

"I meant," he explained what he's meant. "Like that saying… we could spend some time online to look for what we want…so we don't waste time shopping on the weekend."

"That's a good idea," Meredith agreed with him. "Though…" she reached for his hand, "I must admit," she squeezed his hand, and brought it to her lips, "your idea of walking…fingers…was a hell of a lot better," and as soon as he reached the next light, leaned over and kissed her.

"Use my office," Derek told her as they stepped off the elevator and walked holding hands toward the nurse's station. "If you want to get a start on the Christmas project," he told her, "I'm going to do the same thing."

"We need a list," Meredith told him, "right…we have to start with a list…and…we can't forget anyone…it's the first time I do this Derek…for…family…"

"We won't forget anyone," he assured her. "Trust me…"

"We know how well that worked out before," they heard a voice beside them.

"Yang," Derek said. "Always a pleasure to see you first thing in the morning."

"Yeah… well…" Cristina answered, in keeping with her hard core attitude.

"Dr. Shepherd," Stacey greeted them, "Dr. Grey, it's so nice to see you."

"Nice to see the FAB4 back," Meredith smiled. "Lisette, how's the baby?"

Her question led to the typical banter amongst the four nurses and their favorite doctors, until the time drew close for Meredith to begin her shift, and kissed her husband goodbye, that is, until their lunchtime text exchange.

-Mer you free?

-to do what?

-walking fingers

-tease

-not the case

-seriously? Your office?

-no, not teasing

-DEREK

-are you free for lunch

-yes what are you up to

-join me? 45 minutes?

-in 45 min or for 45 min?

-in 45 min

-ok but…only if your fingers do the walking

-mer…it's a g rated lunch

-why?

-LOL see you later

"Derek," she knocked first, then she heard laughter and recognized the voices from his office, she walked in and smiled as she looked at the scene before her.

"Doctor Mewedith," Kelly said excitedly and ran to her. "You made it…"

"I did," Meredith smiled and sought her husband's gaze. "This is a wonderful surprise."

"Dr. Shep," Kelly informed her, "tolds me it was a celebwation…"

"He did," Meredith smiled at the young child, "what are we celebrating?"

"A really really special day…" Kelly clapped her hands, "cause he's the bestest bwain doctor in the whole wide world."

"Humble too." Meredith winked at Colleen and John Mulligan.

"What's humble mean Dr. Mewedith…I not know that word…"

"She wouldn't," Colleen laughed. "Not with the Irish males."

"Honey," John teased her, "you want me to be humble…"

"We'd be asking for Irish miracles," Colleen teased and kissed him.

"Dr. Mewedith…Mommy and Daddy does that all the time," she actually rolled her eyes, making Meredith giggle. "It's silly…"

"Yes," Derek said, "it is…" and he kissed Meredith's lips to Kelly's delighted giggles.

"My fwiend Brianna," it was hit or miss with her pronunciation, "she tolds me she loves when her Mommy and Daddy kiss, but she don't get to see them…like I do my Mommy and Daddy…but she says…cause I had a dream about her…it's ok, cause she knows they are really happy."

Derek reached for Meredith's hand and they gently acknowledged the moment; John and Colleen exchanged smiles as he drew his wife closer to him.

"Dr. Mewedith…Dr. Shep…he gots lunch for us for a special celebwation…cause he know before I went to his office that I was all better and good…and I can play and do all the fun things all my cousins and my fwiends does…"

Meredith met Derek's gaze, a knowing smile, the celebration of Kelly's check-up included, inadvertently, Brianna. He'd arranged to have lunch at his office, with all of Kelly's favorite dishes from the cafeteria, absolutely delighting the young girl.

"Dr. Shep must be very happy," Meredith told her, "because this is a very special treat."

"Dr. Meredwith, do you gets to eat lunch in Dr. Shep's office all the time?" Kelly asked, and her parents did not miss the quick glances between the guilty couple, and laughed.

"Mommy," Kelly said. "What's funny? Grown up stuff is boring."

"You're right princess," John told his daughter, and his wife and Meredith laughed.

"See…Dr. Shep…I not like grown up talk…cause little kids don't know about it…"

"You're right," Meredith lifted her and sat her on her lap. "Grown up stuff is very boring…" and she glared at Derek's chuckle.

The family of three Mulligans and the Shepherds enjoyed celebrating Kelly Margaret Mulligan's clean bill of health; nine months after the day that changed Meredith and Derek's life; the day their hopes of becoming a family became shattered dreams. The day two angels came into their lives; Brianna and Kelly, both souls meant to touch their lives beyond their lifetime, as bonds of friendship would one day also become bonds of family, and once shattered dreams would forever become dreams fulfilled within the tapestry of lovers fated to be together long before they met, long before all but God knew what extraordinary plans He had in store for them.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly said, even after the carefully worded conversation between her parents and doctors, she'd caught on perfectly. "I can helps you go shopping…I'm a big girl and I know that Santa can't make all the toys in his workshop, that's cause why Mommies and Daddies and Nanas they got to help him find all the toys that little kids ask for…and member Dr. Mewedith …I help before when you was looking for toys for Kerry and Meggie and Katie."

"You remembered all their names," Meredith said surprised. "You were a big help when I had to buy them gifts."

"I member," Kelly nodded, "cause you love them lots and lots and when they come visit you…I can play with them and be their fwiend…cause they're sisters..."

"You can certainly play with them when they visit," Meredith smiled at her. "They are going to love meeting you and being your friend."

"Mommy," Kelly turned to Colleen. "Can I spend the day with Dr. Mewedith …cause you said you was going to be with Aunt Shannon…and Nana is gonna stay with my baby cousin…so you can find all the things that Santa can't make and he don't have in the North Pole."

"Sweetie," Colleen explained, "Meredith is working…"

"Mommy, Dr. Shep says Dr. Mewedith is not working tomorrow…that's after one sleep, right Daddy?"

"That's right," John said, as he and Derek engaged the young child in conversation.

"Colleen," Meredith bit her lip, in thought, "if you don't have other plans," she said quietly. "I don't work tomorrow, she could spend some time with me…"

"Meredith," Colleen shook her head. "We can't give in to everything she wants."

"Why not?" Meredith asked. "She's…" her eyes watered. "Your beautiful miracle."

"Yes," Colleen got sentimental as well. "She is, and if you want to spoil her…" she cautioned, and wiped away a tear, "just this year…you can."

"I'll take good care of her, and she is a great help…you know I really have no idea what I need to look for."

"Meredith," Colleen said, of what would become one of countless shopping sprees and time spent together throughout the years, "I trust you with her, completely. Go ahead and tell her, she's going to be thrilled to pieces," and for a brief moment the young mother closed her eyes. Thank you…for our miracle…for Derek being available for her surgery, for him and Meredith coming into our lives.

"Kelly," Meredith said. "I was talking to your Mommy, and you're right. I have tomorrow off, and I'd love to spend the day with you."

"Oh my goodness," Kelly opened her mouth in surprise. "Mommy…I get to spend the day with Dr. Mewedith…and I can help her …I show her what little girls like…cause they live far away and aunts and uncles help Santa get toys …cause Santa only comes to the house where you live…right Daddy?"

"That's right princess," John smiled indulgently.

There was a slight knock on the door and it turned out to be Lexie and Mark. "We heard there's a celebration," Mark said. "That Dr. Shep had a special lunch for you."

"He did Dr. Mark, it was really really special cause it's his office and Dr. Shep is the bestest bwain doctor in the whole wide girl…"

"Kid's been brainwashed, "Mark drawled.

"Dr. Mark," Kelly asked, "my bwain wasn't washed…cause why you say that?"

"Don't pay attention to him," Lexie spoke to her. "He's not a brain doctor."

"Thanks Lexie," Mark pouted.

"It's ok, Dr. Mark…there can only be one bestest bwain doctor," and Kelly smiled at him, "but I love you and Dr. Lexie and Dr. B…cause you come to visit me when I was sick in the hospital."

"We love you too kiddo," Mark smiled at her and lifted her high, making her giggle; and all around her smiled, as the two engaged in a conversation fit for kids!

"Thank you," John Mulligan said to Derek, "for thinking of seeing her earlier this month. You've given us a priceless gift…" he choked up, "our little girl's clean bill of health."

"I thought," Derek nodded, "you could begin to truly enjoy the holidays…"

"You have no idea," John said, "how one worries…every time…you wonder …"

Derek looked over at Meredith laughing with Lexie at something Mark has said to Kelly, making the little girl giggle and hug him. "I believe I do," he told John.

"Yes," John put his hand on Derek' shoulder, "I believe you do. Thank you…it's the best Christmas present this year…actually, any year," and the two men continued to chat about yet another early Christmas celebration they had in common, and shortly thereafter the Mulligans left; a promised detour to see the babies had Kelly skipping along between her parents, and Derek and Meredith smiling at the promise of future dreams and the joy of having three angels in their lives, Brianna, Kelly, and Kerry, on their first Christmas.

"Meredith, sweetheart," a now familiar and warm voice answered almost immediately. "What a pleasant surprise, I didn't expect to talk to you till tomorrow. Jenna and Kathleen told me it's your day off this week."

"Mom," Meredith asked with concern, "are you ok? You sound out of breath."

"I'm fine dear," Carolyn assured her and sat down on the couch. "I was in the basement and rushed upstairs before the phone woke Kerry."

"But," Meredith commented, "you have a phone downstairs. Why were you rushing? You shouldn't do that you know…you could fall…and that's not good…"

"One of the kids left it in the kitchen," Carolyn Shepherd smile. She truly had gained a daughter; finally. Unlike Addison, Meredith genuinely cared. "Meredith, you weren't going to say…" she teased her, "for old people to fall…"

"Of course not," Meredith smiled.

"You're smiling dear," Carolyn laughed.

"Why would you say that," Meredith defended herself. "I'm not…"

"Meredith," Carolyn said softly. "You care…I know what you're thinking, and I love you for it, you know I do. Now, hold on…I've got a nosy little someone that wants to talk to you," and she proceeded to let her granddaughter listen to her godmother's voice.

"Mom," Meredith was indeed smiling. "You're spoiling her…I can tell."

"Of course I am," Carolyn laughed. "She goes home at the end of the day. But, now it's my turn to be concerned. It's not like you to call me in the middle of the day."

"I need your help," Meredith began. "I spoke to Jenna, well really, it was to Meghan, and I could have really messed up this whole Santa thing…she thinks," she repeated what the young child had said, "but then, Kelly thinks that Santa doesn't have all the toys in his workshop….or if he doesn't have time to make them," she rambled on, "and I'm spending the day with her tomorrow…and I had to talk to you…because I know what it's like not to believe in Santa Claus," she thought of Ellis and reverted to moments of doubt. "Carolyn… I can't be responsible for ruining their …"

"Meredith," Carolyn wanted to curse Ellis Grey. "Sweetheart, what did you believe?"

Meredith was surprised by the question, and inexplicably felt it was safe to share those lost dreams. "I wanted to believe…"

"Then," Carolyn soothed the lovely vulnerable young woman whose sniffles made her heart ache for the five year girl that was forced to grow up without treasured childhood memories. "That's what you tell them, sweetheart. Because, you, better than anyone else know what you wished for…and couldn't have, and you'll speak from the heart, and they will know …in the years to come, that you helped them create unforgettable memories."

"Thank you," Meredith told her. "For listening, I know it's silly."

"It's not silly at all. I'm here, all the time, whenever you need me, and I'm really good when it has to do with kids," Carolyn paused, "but Meredith, I know you're going to be much better at family than Pat ever has been," and that turned the conversation into a much lighter tone before Meredith returned to work, and provided her for all she needed to face the questions and answers of a four year old precious child.

Derek grinned as he approached their home the following afternoon, and kept his presence unknown, enjoying the site before him.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly held Meredith hands in her, comparing the size of their palms. "I'm going to be a girl doctor just like you," she frowned, "but I gots to grow lots an lots, cause I can't do surgys if my hands aren't like you…right…so I have to eat all good food…but, I can have ice cream…cause that gots milk…and it's good for you, right Dr. Mewedith…and cookies…they help too, and I knows that cause Paddy says…"

"Two of my favorite girls," Derek finally interrupted them, and sat on the porch swing, Kelly between them.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly's eyes twinkled as she smiled at him; Meredith rolled her eyes at the smitten look between the two. "I helped so much…so Dr. Mewedith can shop for all the little children you know…cause they live far away, so Santa only brings their toys down the chimney at their house…cause…everyone that loves them…buys presents…cause Santa don't have time to make so many presents for the same children…and I helped lots and lots," she turned to Meredith, "right Dr. Mewedith?"

"You did," Meredith bit her lip, alerting Derek something was wrong.

"What's wrong?" Derek mouthed above Kelly's head.

"Derek…" Meredith said, "Kelly was a really big help…she was wonderful…and just…well, don't be surprised when you go inside…it looks like…"

"It's like Chwristmas," Kelly spread her arms wide, "the house is all full of lots of toys…and lights and…Dr. Izzie…"

"Meredith…" Derek warned.

"I used my card," Meredith said immediately, defensively.

"I was going to say," Derek caressed the back of her neck. "My sisters are going to k-i-l-l you for s-p-o-i-l-i-n-g them."

"Oh," Meredith bit her bit a gain.

"Yes," Derek smiled at her, that one smile reserved exclusively for her, before leaning over to kiss her, "over quota."

"Sorry," Meredith mouthed quietly before kissing him.

"Dr. Shep," Kelly looked up at them. "Daddy and Mommy do that all the time, and they gots my baby brother cause of all the kissing. Do you gets to have a baby now?"

"All yours," Derek smiled at her.

"Derek…" Meredith opened her eyes wide, "fifteen nieces and nephews…"

"Kelly," Derek chuckled, but kissed Meredith again. "When two people love each other a lot, like your Mommy and Daddy…and how I love Meredith…"

"Dr. Mewedith loves you lots and lots," Kelly smiled at him.

"Yes," Derek smiled at the little girl, "and I love her lots and lots too. They kiss a lot, to show each other how much they care…"

"But," Kelly pondered, "it's different than when mommies and daddies kiss their kids…and babies…and Nana and Paddy…"

"Yes," Derek glanced at Meredith, "it's different."

"So, you gets a baby when you're mawwied?"

"Kelly," Meredith smiled at her, Derek looked way in over his head. "Babies are very special, but just because mommies and daddies kiss doesn't mean they have a baby."

"Why not?" Kelly asked, and it was Meredith's turn to search for Derek's help.

"Well," Derek paused and said took a deep breath. "Mer, your turn to practice."

"What?" Meredith reacted; she was going to kill him.

"What's pwactice Dr. Shep… is that what you gots to do that to have a baby?"

"Oh God," Meredith said, "you didn't…"

"Oh sh…" Derek shut himself up, and covered his mouth with one hand.

"Dr. Mewedith," Kelly turned to her, "I thinks Dr. Shep did something bwainless, like Daddy…cause Mommy say that all the time to Daddy…"

"Yes, sweetie," Meredith glared at Derek over Kelly's head, "you're right."

"Kelly," Derek attempted to fix the situation, "when Mommies and Daddies want a baby they talk to God and practice saying lots of prayers…"

"Like at night," Kelly said, "when I say my pwayers with Mommy and Nana?"

"Yes," Derek breathed a sigh of relief, "just like that."

"Ok," the little girl appeared content with the answer. "Now we gots to show you all the bags from the stores."

Derek helped Kelly to the ground, and Meredith leaned in to him and whispered. "That is going to come back and bite you in the ass…count on it."

"Why?" He asked surprised. "She accepted the answer."

Meredith laughed, "you go right on believing that."

"See Dr. Shep…" Kelly said as soon as they walked in the house, "it's so pwetty…it looks like Santa's house."

Derek was stunned. "Mer…this looks like…"

"It looks beautiful…Dr. Shep…I love all the lights and the big tree…but you gots to put up your stocking and one for Dr. Mewedith…and you don't got stockings for little kids…cause of they live far away and you don't have babies."

"It looks beautiful Kelly," Derek repeated, and drew Meredith to him, "but…we need a new house, for all the things you bought."

"I'll take care of it," Meredith told him. "I will, and Izzie said she'd help me with getting things shipped."

"Hi Derek," Izzie appeared, elf hat included, "just in time for fresh baked cookies."

"And chocolate milk Dr. Izzie," Kelly smiled, "don't forget."

"Yes," Izzie smiled at her and took her hand. "Derek…Mer said your family loves Christmas, and I love Christmas…do you like this…we, well I wanted to make sure you and Mer didn't have to worry about decorating…and…"

"It's lovely," Derek wanted to laugh at his wife's expression of guilt. "I know Mer appreciates it tremendously."

"I did this before…and Mer loved it," Izzie said as she led Kelly to the kitchen and the promised snack.

"I know… way overboard… but she did this before and I told George we had to be supportive, so George and I didn't tell her how bad it was…"

"It's fine," he shook his head, "really…you should see Aunt Mary's house."

"You don't mind," Meredith asked. "We can tone it down…"

"It's bright ... and shiny …" he smiled and kissed her. "It's fine, really. Now…about these gifts…the kids will love them," and he wrapped his arms around her, and held her, and erased any doubts she had about going overboard; he'd deal with the shipping later.

"Derek," she said, "this was mainly for the little ones…"

"I noticed," he chuckled, "lots of Fisher-Price."

"We can return some of it," she told him, "it was just hard not to get it…when Kelly was so excited…and I think I have the perfect gift for her…she loved it Derek… I can show it to you later."

"I love," he pulled slightly away from her, "when you show me…later…"

"Ass…" she laughed and kissed him hard on the lips.

"Mer…" he teased her, "you know earlier…you said you were sorry…"

"Yes," she raised a questioning eyebrow.

"Know what says sorry like nothing else…"

"I cannot," Meredith's giggles had Kelly running back in the living room. "Believe you used that line…again…"

"It's a little different," he looked just like a little boy caught taking icing off the cake.

"See Dr. Izzie…they do lots of kissing…but that don't mean they gets a baby…cause they have to pwactice…lots and lots of times…"

"Oh God," Derek groaned. "I'll never live this down…"

"No," Meredith buried her face in his neck and laughed. "You won't…"

Later that evening, after Colleen insisted they join them for an early dinner, Meredith and Derek enjoyed a leisurely bath; candles the only light illuminating their surroundings.

"Mer," Derek kissed her shoulder, "if I can figure out a way not to spend all weekend shopping…are you game…for an idea…"

"As long," she said in a yet to be perfected mother's reprimanding tone, "as we finish getting everything we need…and shipped."

"I think," his lips lingered on her neck, "you'll like what I have in mind, and nobody can accuse us of playing favorites."

"Ok," she agreed, enjoying the time alone with her husband.

"Ok," he repeated. "Just ok…no questions…no wanting to know what it is…or if Meghan is going to question if it came from Santa or Katie doesn't like the color or Kathleen thinks it doesn't go well with…"

"Shepherd, you're rambling," she teased him.

He laughed, expecting she was going to question what he thought was a brilliant solution to what had become an immense Christmas list, "the silent queen of rambles."

"Derek," she turned her head and look up at him. "We're naked…immersed in a lavender bubble bath which you apparently bought enough," she smiled, "to open our own store."

"Hey," he told her, "I know you love baths…and I love the way you smell of lavender."

"Uhmm…" Meredith moaned softly; blissfully happy in his arms.

"Mer, I think Kelly forgot all about the baby and practice conversation."

"You really are very chatty," she laughed. "We're naked…and you want to talk."

"We spend a lot of time…" he kissed the back of her neck, "naked."

"Not as much time as I'd like," she told him. "As for Kelly, I wouldn't count on it…she has such perfect timing," she smiled. "Derek…she's just like Meghan and Katie."

"Maybe she'll forget," Derek insisted as he nuzzled her neck.

"When pigs fly," Meredith giggled.

"You know that one," Derek chuckled heartily.

"I know," Meredith splashed his arm playfully, "some sayings," and flicked away at some bubbles.

"So…" he teased suggestively, as one hand cupped her breast, the other roaming, following his own creative pursuit of the lavender bubbles on her body, "you wanna play…with bubbles…"

Meredith shifted her body, encouraging him to continue his exploration, and moaned in response to his expert knowledge of her body.

"Know what I like…best…" Meredith said breathlessly, "about playing with bubbles?"

"What," his desire and passion for her the most evident and pressing emotion.

"You…naked…covered in bubbles…deep inside me…" and the night was filled with the sounds of lovers familiar with each other's bodies, each other's desires, each other's favorite things, as their mutual pleasure culminated in the sounds of ecstasy.


	230. Chapter 230

_A/N January 22, 2012 – Heartfelt thanks to each of you that read the last chapter and shared your comments. They are so very much appreciated. This update, the end of it, suddenly flowed perfectly, and written for me; in memory of my grandparents...posted as we remember the anniversary of God's loving embrace of my grandfather. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas … Pt 9C **_

_Silent night...all is calm...all is bright...glories stream from heaven afar..._

"You," Meredith walked ahead of him toward their front door, "can't possibly be that brainless, Derek...how could you..."

"Mer," he defended, "I didn't do anything bad."

"You didn't do anything bad," she turned to glare at him. "What are you five? Damn it Derek, you returned all the gifts I spent hours making sure were perfect..."

"You didn't hear the full story," he tried to explain as he opened the door.

"The full story," she walked in front of him, turned and faced him, hands on hips. "What more is there to you returning all the gifts I spent hours trying to figure out which were the right ones... and," she took a deep breath, and then he heard the light sniffling, and her eyes glittered, "it's either that...or we've been robbed Derek," her voice rose, some may say a bit irrationally. "Because I don't see any of what I left here this morning before I went to work..."

"Meredith," he bridged the distance between them; lifted her chin to meet his gaze, her vulnerability and sensitivity of late making him wonder... if... possibly... "Cristina has a big mouth and she didn't tell you the whole story...it's not exactly..."

"She said," Meredith repeated what her friend had told her, "you were very pleased with yourself...that you'd returned all the gifts...and had the perfect replacement, and that you went through all that trouble just so you didn't have to spend all weekend shopping," she paused. "I can't believe you," his wife continued with her own assumptions. "Kathleen was obviously right...there's got to be something about the holidays that makes you more," the fast movement of her arms as she spoke further emphasized her distress, "brainless...brainless moron...the hours I spent..."

"I was," he interrupted her tirade by reaching for her, stopping her movements, as his hands caressed the length of her arms. "Very pleased," he was smiling at her, a somewhat indulgent smile, "that I thought we'd found the perfect gift for the entire family...and...I didn't just return the gifts. I'm pretty sure you won't mind my solution."

"You didn't?" Meredith questioned, her face softening. "Really? You're not just making this up...as you go along now?"

"No," he leaned into her, kissed her lips lightly. "I'm not making it up...what I did," he pulled her along with him, and walked up to their room, and he explained in detail, and inevitably the explanation that met with her wholehearted approval ended with them flat on their bed.

"You really lucked out this time," Meredith smiled. "I think," she cuddled into him, long after enjoying some of their favorite things, "after this Christmas...they won't be able to call you brainless anymore."

"I doubt that," he laughed. "But, it's only what you think that matters."

"Well," Meredith teased him. "I don't really think you'll be completely free of that..."

"That didn't last long," he joked and turned on his back, resting his arm on the pillow, above his head; sharing a look that spoke of intimacy and newly created memories.

"Oh," she reached for him, caressed the length of him. "I have to disagree..." she smiled at his reaction, "completely..." and he shifted their bodies so that he was on top of her, and smiled at her, and once again, each touch, each caress would find the most pleasure and well-traveled roads to ecstasy.

"Your old beast..." he murmured as he slipped into her, and their lovemaking began all over again, and their mutual satisfaction echoed without any sense of noise restrictions within the bedroom walls; a night filled with hours of pleasure.

"You know," Meredith smiled as she faced her husband before falling asleep; hands entwined, bodies barely inches apart, "at first I thought it was a horrible...crazy idea..."

"Tell me about it," he teased and brought their joined hands to his lips, kissing hers softly.

"Well, really Derek, you need to learn how to explain things better."

He stared at her, incredulous. "I need to explain things better... not that you should trust me and need to listen before jumping to conclusions?"

"You," Meredith disagreed with his point of view, "said you were going to have them go to the website Derek...even I know kids want presents they can open, not to be pointed to a website and be shown what they're going to get later."

He wanted to laugh at her, but figured he'd learned something about that, and let her continue. "I mean...really...Derek, is this what I can expect... when I'm craving Mom's pumpkin and sweet potato bread? Are you going to get just the radishes...that's the ingredient Jenna likes best...with chocolate, and tell me to bake the bread myself?"

Mer," Derek was careful of the words he chose. "You've been making lots of references...you know...lately...on the way here from Mom's." He mentioned several incidents that had him wondering. "Now...you're talking about cravings...and...I don't want to jump to conclusions...but...Meredith, are you sure...you're not pregnant?"

"Derek," Meredith was surprised by his unexpected question and that he'd actually been thinking about it, yet hadn't said anything. "No," she smiled softly at him, shook her head and brought her hand to his face, caressed it tenderly. "Don't you think...if...when...that happens...I'd share it with you?"

"I just thought..." he paused, "lately...you've said all these things...and you're more vulnerable...and sometimes..."

"I am more vulnerable," she told him softly, "because I can be...I no longer feel I need to keep my emotions to myself...not that I don't often just blurt things out...but, you...Derek, you made it ok for me to be vulnerable and share my feelings...all my feelings with you...and all these months, all the emotions we've been through together...they've made me open up... and we've had Kelly...Kerry..."

"Brianna," he said quietly, their gazes intently on each other.

"Brianna," she repeated; they could indeed feel each other's emotions.

"I didn't mean to say anything," he offered an apology, one that was not necessary, "to make you sad...or to..."

"We share what we feel," she leaned in to kiss him. "Don't ever apologize for that."

"I don't want you to think I'm rushing you..." he told her.

"You're not," she smiled at him, "and I'm not sad. It will happen...we know it will."

"Lots and lots of practice," he offered with a smile.

"Lots and lots..." she said, "and one day...when we've had lots of practice.." she smiled at him, "we'll know...it was the right time for our next baby, and there'll be lots of prayers too...that this time...we'll have our own perfect tiny miracle."

"I love you," Derek said tenderly cupping her face, and then he lowered his lips and placed them tenderly over the two entwined hearts, "will love you both..."

"For always," she completed his thought, and they reached for the other, and spent another night in each other's embrace. Soon, was Meredith's last thought before succumbing to sleep, she was sure his question would not need to be asked.

"Miranda," Derek whined, not for the first time during the days that followed. "Come on...you have to help me with this...there's no other way...and it has to be at a certain time, and you're the only one..."

"Shepherd." Miranda Bailey stared at him. "Stop the whining."

"You...that," Derek stuttered. "I know about it...you staring people down. It won't work."

Miranda Bailey stared him down; contradicting him, effectively.

"I taught Tuck Jr. to fish." Derek pouted, and walked away, without getting a glimpse of his friend shaking her head and chuckling before Meredith approached her.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith said, "you paged."

"Grey," Miranda Bailey barked. "Tell that husband of yours to stop harassing me."

"Ok," Meredith said. "Is that's why you paged me?"

"Of course not," Miranda stared at her. "Something's come up and I need to change Friday's schedule."

"But, Dr. Bailey," Meredith began to interrupt her, "it's my only weekend this month...and I have...I mean there's a lot..."

"Grey," Miranda waved her hand in front of her. "Interns don't question me."

"No, Ma'am...we don't...but..."

"Stop. Grey...that's what you're doing. The bunch of you need to learn to listen."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey," Meredith mumbled.

"Next Friday, not this Friday. You shift begins at five not at eight. You'll be off at three. Start at ten the following day."

"Oh..." Meredith couldn't help but smile, as that meant a few hours to do something special for Derek, maybe going out to Bainbridge before working that entire weekend.

"Yes," Bailey grunted. "Make sure you get out of here by then. I don't want anyone telling me you're over the eighty hours."

"No," Meredith said, "I mean, yes, Dr. Bailey."

"Get to work," Miranda waved her off. She really was getting soft and Derek Shepherd was a sentimental romantic fool, and she was doing her part to help him. After all, she pondered, he took her little boy fishing.

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith turned back. "Why is Derek harassing you?"

"He wants me to change your shift so you can have New Year's Day off."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith asked. "I did...did you change that?"

"No. Grey. But, that man's insatiable," she said and Meredith bit her lip to hide a smile, as her mentor muttered, "give him a hand...and..." she realized what she'd said, and stopped talking. "Grey, get to work."

"So," Meredith said. "Even if he's been harassing you...I'm still off New Year's Eve, right?"

"Wipe that smile off your face," Bailey instructed. "Meredith, I don't need to hear or even have a hint about your sex life."

"I didn't say anything," Bailey had used her first name. Meredith knew it would be acceptable to joke.

"You didn't have to," Bailey shook her head. "Sloan and Yang are right," she quoted them, indeed proving Dr. Bailey knew everything! "The two of you...are...just plain embarrassing."

"Dr. Bailey," Meredith smiled at her. "Thank you."

"For what?" Bailey was somewhat good at a poker face, and then return to her usual façade. "Grey...you still here."

"Whatever it is Derek talked you into," Meredith said. "Changing next week's schedule."

"I ...Grey...what are you talking about?" Miranda did not want anyone thinking she'd lost the hard edge and become a softie.

"You were smiling," Meredith told her. "Actually, chuckling when Derek walked away."

"Grey...did nobody ever tell you it's not nice to...lurk around corners."

"Thank you," Meredith smiled again. "Whatever it was...seems to be important to him."

"Go on," Miranda dismissed her. "Don't just stand around here...you've got a job to do Grey...and I don't socialize..."

"Yes, Dr. Bailey." Meredith said with a serious expression, and turned away with a grin on her face, wondering just what her husband was up to, that had Miranda Bailey chuckling about. She wasn't going to question it, that was still a week away and they had the next two days alone, their only weekend together in December.

"Mer," Derek whined in the afternoon hours on Saturday. "You said my idea was great...and that if we got all the shopping done ..."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "You're beginning to sound like a pouting three year old."

"I'm not pouting," he did just that, but reached to pull her body against him, and his arms circled her waist, his face nestled against her neck. "Where did all those names come from? Mer, it's a really long list."

"Derek," she reprimanded, though she couldn't help but laugh. "We're in the middle of a toy store...there are kids around. Behave."

"Mer," he whined, "everything's been shipped...and each kid's going to love what we got them and everyone's going to love..."

"We have just one stop after this," she turned to him, kissed his lips quickly. "Stop whining. It's not my fault you have zillions of relatives."

"Really," he smiled, his eyes lit up. "Just one more stop..."

"Yes," she rolled her eyes. "They saved it for me last week, but I couldn't take it with the rest of the things since Kelly was with me."

"Wait," Derek reflected, "but...that one stop, is it going to take as long as the time you spent at that toy store...Mer, you looked at everything."

"It was voted one of the best toy stores in Seattle by parents Derek. Of course we had to look there...especially for the little ones."

"Fine," he said. "Let's get whatever they're holding for you. It's probably going to be dinner time before we're really done here today."

Meredith laughed at him later that evening as they wrapped presents for the east coast relatives. "Next year," she told him. "I'm going to let you do all the shopping."

"I can do it in three hours, tops," Derek challenged.

"Wanna bet?" Meredith countered.

"Yes." Derek smiled.

"If you can't," she smiled; confident certain circumstances would be such that he wouldn't be able to resist, and would take much longer than three hours.

"Of course I can," he raised his eyebrow at her suggestively. "My reward's having you, with all those hours I'll save you, to myself."

"Derek," she giggled, and went to hug him. "You've had me for hours...all to yourself..."

"Yeah," he agreed, kissed her soundly on the lips. "But, just think... your sex slave could have been summoned hours earlier..."

Her laughter warmed his heart and filled the house with joyful sounds of hope, and the promise of future Christmas memories to cherish.

"I have absolutely no complaints," she kissed him.

"But," he teased her, his lips on hers, "you could have more to rave about..."

"Rave about," she giggled, kissing him, enticing him.

"Mer," he said seriously, intentionally so, "you're supposed to build up my ego."

"Oh," she laughed again, "we've done enough of that for one day..."

"Done," he protested, "but...it's only Saturday... we have all weekend, and you said..."

"Derek," she rolled her eyes. "Have you lost your sense of humor?"

"You said...if we finished today..." she was amused by his whining and pouting, smiled at the thought of their son... their sons she corrected silently looking just like him, "we'd have lots of..."

"I'm teasing you," she wrapped her arms around him. "But, before you can talk me into another break...with my sex slave, and lots of dirty sex... we have to finish wrapping...and get these ready to..."

"Fine...fine," he said, "the sooner the better. UPS can get the box from the hospital."

"Derek," she said saucily. "Wanna bet who can wrap more presents in the next hour?"

"What's the prize?"

"If I win, you continue to be my sex slave the rest of the weekend."

"I've been doing that already," he taunted. "And if I win?"

"I get to be yours..." she said suggestively.

"Uhmmm..." he nuzzled her neck, biting playfully. "I want to lose..."

"Do you really think," Meredith pressed her body against his, "there can be a loser?"

"Yes," he said huskily. "If we waste this moment...wrapping presents," and she took a deep breath, pinned him against the dining room table, and her response left no doubt she agreed with him; presents left unwrapped until the next break during a most passionate weekend.

Meredith smiled, "admit it..." she said in between bites. "It doesn't get better than this."

"A million calories and tons of artery clogging..."

"Don't be a spoilsport," she laughed, "you enjoyed that pizza as much as I did."

"I'll tell you what I really enjoyed," he leaned in to kiss her, the glow of the fireplace and the lights of the Christmas tree the perfect backdrop for romance, "and it's a hell of a lot better..."

"What," Meredith smiled, fully anticipating his response.

"You...and me...making love by the fireplace...me...nibbling every inch of your body..."

"Derek," Meredith raised her eyebrow suggestively, enticing her insatiable beast with just one look, one quiet...yet lust and passion filled smile.

"Meredith..." was all he needed to say in response.

"Want to nibble on me...again," and the creation of cherished memories began all over again; the first time, that one night stand, turned out to be fate's gift to lovers destined to be together for a lifetime.

Meredith and Derek lay by the light of the fireplace, naked bodies entwined and covered by the warmth of a comforter; the whispers and laughter of lovers the undisputable testimony that their journey, those baby steps of long ago had set the course to the intended destination; she'd married him, was letting him build her a house; was determined to grow old with him; wanted kids with him, and had promised to love him for a lifetime. The imaginary tapestry continued to depict a love of legends.

_Far away, where the heavens knew all secrets of mankind, an older gentle soul approached a newly acquired companion; his presence by her side profoundly comforting; words unspoken yet shared in ways only those in that realm understand_

"_Ellis," Carolyn's Irish comforted, "how can you be sad...can't you sense their happiness...the love they share...she wouldn't want your tears..."_

"_Tears of happiness," Ellis turned and smiled gently at her friend, "she's made that house a home...she's done what I wasn't able to do...I know I can't go back..."_

"_We can't go back," he said, "but we're blessed...to experience their joy."_

"_They've suffered," Ellis said._

"_Yes," Derek's father agreed, "but...that's behind them...they've weathered the storm."_

"_Granma," the voice of Meredith's beautiful angel made the older woman smile. "I've gots lots and lots of stories cause my friend Kelly tells me all the time...and ...Granpa," she gave him a dazzling smile, "she gots to spend lots of time with my Mommy...and she tolds me my Daddy is so silly...cause he said mommies and daddies have to practice lots and lot of prayers ... when they want to have a little babies...isn't that silly," Brianna scrunched her nose, just as her mother did._

_Ellis returned a bittersweet smile; how she wished she'd taken the time to nurture her extraordinary child, yet, all she could do now is give thanks; thanks to that God she never believed in, thanks to that God that had embraced and welcomed her in His loving arms; forgiveness his gift; then, Brianna her own perfect angel to love beyond all lifetimes. _

"_Granma," Briana continued with her story. "Granpa...my friend Kelly's really excited...cause my Daddy made her all better...she's not sick no more...cause she told me my daddy's the bestest brain doctor in the whole wide world."_

"_Don't say it," the proud father warned Ellis, "that's my son."_

"_My son in law," Ellis laughed. "You don't know all that I'm thinking...even here."_

"_You were going to say..."_

"_Hard to resist," Ellis's laughter was contagious, he thought, and was saddened momentarily for so much of what she had missed. "After all, even your daughters..."_

"_I know," the older Shepherd conceded, "he has a way with being brainless..."_

"_Granpa," Brianna questioned him. "Mommy said my daddy was very smart...and he's the bestest brain doctor...so he gots to have a brain...why you use that word?"_

"_It just means," the warmth of his presence made his granddaughter smile, "your daddy can be silly sometimes."_

"_Like little children," the precocious little girl commented, "right granpa?"_

"_Yes," he smiled. "Just like that."_

"_I don't want my Daddy to be sad...I'm gonna tell him I love him lots and lots..."_

"_Brianna," both grandparents warned. "You know you must stay here..."_

"_Only on special ccasions...I can tell him...and Mommy...right Granma?"_

"_Yes, sweetie..." Ellis told her. "On very special occasions..."_

"_Soon Granma," Brianna asked hopefully, "we gets a special ccasion?"_

"_Yes," both grandparents answered; they'd been blessed with the knowledge that He would bless their children, and yes...soon, in the terms of heaven, there would indeed be a most special occasion...and Brianna would have a chance to whisper; "love you lots...Daddy...Mommy remember when I was in your dream...and I tolds you about my baby brother...I love you lots and lots Mommy...and I always be close to my baby brother...and you...and daddy...and ..." Meredith and Derek's precious angel would one day, in the not so distant future, whisper from the heavens. _

_God smiled, pleased with his creation; He understood the many questions, the loss of be faith when things didn't quite seem to make sense; when pain was all that surrounded His loved ones; but, then, when all that was destined unfolded into moments of happiness, He too rejoiced that His children were happy, and Meredith and Derek were well on their way to having their dreams; that dream He sent as a gift through Brianna, fulfilled._

_A/N 1/23/12 – Writing this story has been a most rewarding experience; one I've been pleased to share with so many of you. But, though I do not write for the comments, they are incredibly important in regard to being inspired; to decide that it is worthy of dedicating anywhere from ten to thirty hours to writing a chapter, yes, there are so many more prolific and fast writers, but unfortunately, for me it takes that long as I worry about not missing any past mentioned details; the use of proper grammar (don't always succeed), take the time to the best of my ability to research what I'm writing, often silly things that take hours to find the right object I'll mentioned for a total of two sentences._

_The story, in my mind, has already been written... I know each of those scenes envisioned and how it all unfolds...how that dream Meredith was given becomes a reality. So, you see, I don't need to write it...it's already vividly written in my mind. But, because of the handful of you that have so graciously supported and enthusiastically taken the time to leave a comment, to share your thoughts with me, I will write those scenes...and I will share them with you, just not sure how important they all are at this point. _

_After posting the last chapter, it seemed that this story had reached its saturation point, and wasn't quite sure what the sense was to continue posting. Right now, I'm taking a step back to think about whether it is indeed time to bring it to an end, and fast forward to the epilogue I've always intended and envisioned for that tapestry of the lives, of this characterization, of Meredith and Derek. _

_My heartfelt thanks to each one of you that have continued to read and take the time to share your thoughts. Maureen, I don't have a link to write back, so once again, thank you for always taking the time to offer support and inspiration._

_Wishing each of you that reads this chapter God's loving Blessings; may Faith be ever present in your lives. Jasmin _


	231. Chapter 231

_A/N – March 27, 2012 – Seven years ago we got our first glimpse of Meredith and Derek and that lavender throw covering Derek's naked body, and it just did not seem that it should go unobserved! _

_This will likely be one of the shortest chapters written for Shattered Dream. It had been my intention months ago, and just was not possible, to post their first wedding anniversary celebration on this day. Their wedding day in Venice, as you may recall, was March 27... so, in lieu of that chapter and occasion, wanted to write a little something to "celebrate" the day we were given the first glimpse of the "legend" of Meredith & Derek. _

_Thanks to any and all that are still interested in this story; it's not forgotten and will be completed as intended. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas … Pt 9D**_

"Mer," Derek half pouted, half pleaded and added the slight cock of the head and charming Mcdreamy smile for good measure, as he tried to convince her to kiss him under the mistletoe, "come on...this is where it all started..."

"There's no mistletoe at the bar," she tried to sound serious, while all she really wanted to do was to give in and kiss him. "That's where it all started...not here."

"Come on," Derek lifted his chin slightly, "you know you want to."

"Shepherd," her voice low, purposely so, knowing just how that tone affected him. "If you ever want a kiss again...you better tell me what that mysterious woman's phone call was about..."

"Jealous?" Derek teased, his arms circling her waist; drawing her closer to him.

"Yes," she almost giggled at the ongoing teasing jealousy between them. "I've admitted that before. You're the one that still refuses to ..."

"I've admitted to it," Derek's eyes sparkled. "Our only disagreement is that...you took advantage of me...right here..." he teased, "in this bar..."

"I thought," Meredith said, "that happened at my house," and their mutual laughter was muted as she gave in to the inevitable kiss under the mistletoe at Joe's Emerald City Bar.

"Mom," Cristina interrupted them, "you're embarrassing us...please... go home..."

"Mer," Derek taunted, "was that one of our kids... attempting at humor?"

"It's not as though we could inherit it from you," Cristina retorted.

"Don't pay attention," Mark told them. "She only wants you to leave to win the bet."

Derek's eyes were only on hers as she'd spontaneously, uncaring of their audience, circled his neck with her arms. "Mer, I think we should pay attention to our gambling addicted kids."

"I think," Bailey, who was nearby, and one of the many Seattle Grace staff that had met at Joe's for a pre-Christmas party, said. "You should spare us and your kids...anymore embarrassing..."

"Oh, let them be," Richard Webber joined in, "they're newlyweds."

"Chief," Bailey said, "these two have been acting like this since this leaning hair commercial model," the rest of her comment was drowned out by the chorus of chuckles heard.

"Don't pay attention to them," Joe gave them each a drink. "Yang was the first one to come here after your wedding in Venice...and the Thanksgiving visit and talk about ..."

Cristina turned to the well-loved bartender. "Confessions under the influence are like going to Vegas...you can't talk about what's said."

"She does have a sense of humor," Derek raised quipped to Meredith.

"Don't bet on it," Meredith laughed. Her thoughts drifted to the fact that this was the first time in her life enjoying the holiday season, and she pulled her husband closer to her and kissed him.

"Mer," Derek teased, and spoke softly and quietly upon her lips, "wanna go for a ride?"

"Only," she whispered, "if you promise something..."

"What?"

"That you'll take advantage of me..." she left the rest unspoken.

"Like you did me..." Derek teased.

"No...like we did of each other," she smiled at the hours to come and reached for his hand.

"Enjoy the holidays everyone," Derek said as he held on to her hand, and after the expected taunting and teasing, they wished their friends and colleagues good night; Christmas just a few days away.

"I'm serious, Derek," the sound of her laughter filled the house that had now become a home, as she raced up the stairs to their bedroom.

"How serious," Derek questioned, just a bit out of breath after reaching the top of the stairs behind her, and now nuzzled her neck.

"I think," she protested weakly, "I'm entitled to know why a woman is calling my husband and both refuse to tell me why."

"I told you it's a surprise."

"I don't like surprises."

"You'll like this one..." his lips gently bit her neck.

"Derek...she said it was personal..."

"Of course," he agreed. "I told her that under no circumstances could she talk to anyone but me."

"Why did she call here," his hands cupped her breast. "Derek...don't distract me..."

"I'll give you one hint...will that do?"

"Fine..." Meredith agreed.

"It could be for our anniversary..."

"That's not a hint..."

"Sure it is," his hands roamed and caressed her body.

"Not a good one."

"Ferry boats may be involved...and that's it... no more hints."

"You're taking me on a ride," she turned and pressed herself against him, "on a ferry boat for our anniversary? That's not new... and not really a surprise."

"I didn't say that exactly...but...we're definitely going for a ride," his desire for her evident as his hand caressed her neck band brought her face closer to his.

"Is that the only thing you ever think about," she smiled and brushed his lips.

"Uhmmm... no..."

"What are you thinking about?"

"You...naked..." he kissed her again, "and getting rid of that slip of lavender nothing you're wearing...that I haven't seen before..."

"Want to know what I'm thinking..." she teased, her hands on his body expertly arousing him further. "What I've been thinking for hours..."

"How to drive me insane," he said, determined to take control instantly.

"You...naked..." she kissed him again, "and beasts," the kiss deepened, "and roaring sounds..."

"You mean..." they'd moved in perfect unison toward their bed, "your sex slave," he said before he devoured her mouth.

Later, both naked and breathless she turned to face him and reached for his hand to entwine their fingers, "Derek…"

"Uhmmm..." the word never failed to feel like a caress.

"You can distract me like that…" she giggled, "anytime."

"I believe," he said as his eyes sparkled, the renewed desire mutually reflected as their gazes locked, "it's part of my role," he leaned in to kiss her, "as a sex slave."

"Derek…" she smiled, as she paused to kiss him lightly, and then deepened their kiss and he brought her body fully against him, "I want an answer...but... first...want to distract me again?"

"Sure..." he teased, "we may have one more Christmas present to buy."

"What?" Meredith asked.

"A thank you gift...for Nancy..."

Meredith's melodic laughter made his soul smile. "Yes...I believe we do...quite the lavender fantasy...but... Christmas shopping was not the kind of distraction I meant..."

"Mer...just giving the old beast a rest," he smiled at her. "So... what kind of distraction would you prefer?"

Are you game…" she laughed, "for…connecting the dots," she said as she raised an eyebrow seductively and their laughter echoed through the place they undoubtedly considered their home, before both delighted in reaching new heights of pleasure, their bodies each other's exclusive playground.

_A/N – Since it was not possible to post their first anniversary chapter today, I was driving to work today and thought to post even a small scene... that would in some way refer to their anniversary... the phone call from the mystery woman was not part of this story either, but the outcome of it was always part of the story; the comment about Nancy was a one line note that I'd originally intended to use and discarded, but seemed to fit in this context._

_It's a filler chapter... written without too much planning, hope it makes you smile about this Meredith & Derek... I'll be getting back to this story as soon as I finish OB which I am working on wrapping up. _


	232. Chapter 232

_A/N September 3, 2012 - Thanks to any and all still interested in this story; it's not forgotten and will be completed as intended, without regard to Shonda Rhimes' love of the screw you Meredith syndrome. This Labor Day, I've reviewed the outline; my goal, if all goes according to plan, is to complete the remaining 15 chapters and post final epilogue to coincide with the dates this story was originally posted on January 18 & 25. Warm regards, Jasmin_

_Grandma Got Run Over by a Reindeer (2005)_

_Meredith Grey: There's an old proverb that says you can't choose your family. You take what the fates hand you. And like them or not, love them or not, understand them or not, you cope. Then there's the school of thought that says the family you're born into is simply a starting point. They feed you, and clothe you, and take care of you, until you're ready to go out into the world and find your tribe._

_Preston Burke: I believe there's a mind-body-spirit connection. And if Justin really doesn't want this heart, his body will reject it._

_Cristina Yang: Okay, let me get this straight. You don't just celebrate Christmas... you actually believe in Santa Claus?_

_Cristina Yang: [to Justin] So I'm just saying... I think you should decide to live. Live so you can become a doctor, and you can find a way to do heart transplants without someone having to die. Or, live so you can grow up and have kids and... Raise them not to believe in Santa. That would piss your mom off. Just decide to live. Because in your case? Dying really isn't the best revenge. _

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas … Part 9E – Sugar Plum Fairy Dreams **_

Meredith made herself as comfortable as was possible on the familiar unused stretcher, leaned back against the tunnel wall, and then smiled as she read Derek's text and anticipated his reaction to her just completed plans for his Christmas present.

"Earth to ex-kick ass surgeon," Cristina mocked.

"Ignore her," Izzie munched on some type of vending machine chips, "she's jealous. You're getting sex," her eyes wide and expressive as she emphasized, "a lot of sex, and she's not."

"She can't be jealous," Alex spoke with his mouth half full, and smirked. "O'Malley's right; robots have no feelings."

Cristina glared at him, "evil spawn, at least I don't worry about causing STD epidemics," but further comments were thwarted by Meredith's infectious laughter while reading another text from Derek before she turned to Cristina.

"It's Christmas." Meredith smiled. "Stop being a troublemaker, you almost had Derek and me quarreling, and don't even consider making excuses tomorrow; Christmas dinner's at five."

"Dude," Alex managed a smirk with another mouthful of food, "that almost quarrel turned the house into Santa's workshop and left wrapping paper and ribbons all over the damn place."

Cristina frowned, "what's with all this Christmas spirit crap. Mer, you're becoming worse than Christmas Tinker Bell," she looked over at Izzie, who stuck her tongue out at her.

"Maybe," George spoke with typical quiet demeanor, "you'll enjoy the holiday this year."

"Bambi," Cristina replied, "I'm Jewish."

George risked ridicule again, "but, you don't mind getting Hanukkah gifts."

"Of course I don't," Cristina snorted. "I can enjoy spending Beverly Hills earned money."

"Stop complaining," Meredith said cheerfully, "it's the first time Derek and I are celebrating the holidays…as a family …. happy and married."

"You're pregnant," Cristina tested the waters. "Aren't you?"

Meredith rolled her eyes. "Not that I'm aware of," she shrugged with a smile and answered non-committedly before she jumped off the stretcher after getting another text from Derek. "But, we have a lot of sex," she smiled again, "it's always a possibility."

"How," Izzie was indignant, "can you be so insensitive? Cristina she lost a baby…and for you to suggest that…when you don't know…"

"I don't owe you explanations for what I say to her," Cristina retorted. "She can handle it."

"Mer's ok with baby talk." George agreed with Cristina. "She's told me the support she had from us and Dr. Shepherd's family helped a lot."

They were all surprised when Meredith reappeared, holding two new bags from the vending machine. "And no bets...on when I'm pregnant again." She'd overheard the conversation and needed to reassure her friends that she had indeed healed emotionally from the year's earlier loss.

"She'll be knocked up soon enough," Alex smirked.

"I don't think," George commented, "she'd look at it that way."

"Mcdreamied …" Cristina quipped as she recalled her friend's reaction to whatever Derek had texted her before she had jumped off the stretcher. "Either way, knocked up by Mr. Incredible, via text," and even Izzie laughed at the insight to the couple's legendary sexual escapades.

Meredith heard his voice as she was about to turn the corner and curiosity got the best of her; she decided to eavesdrop and for a second thought of her mother and her childhood warnings.

"That's fantastic," Derek grinned, "don't worry about the couple days delay, the timing is actually perfect," and after a few moments he laughed. "Meredith would never suspect."

"Derek," Meredith's voice startled him.

"Meredith," he turned around quickly, "I wasn't expecting to see you so soon."

"Obviously," her demeanor was purposely serious. "Shepherd, your timing is not going to mean crap if I find you've been flirting with that nameless woman…"

"You know," he cocked his head, and smiled, "you look so sexy when you're jealous…"

"I'm not jealous," she contradicted him.

"You are…" he teased her.

"Derek," she said, unexpectedly emotional, as she met his gaze, "you'd never cheat on me."

"No," he shook his head immediately, cupped her face and gently kissed her. "I never would."

"Then, who the hell were you talking to?"

"It's a surprise," he smiled at her.

"I don't like surprises," she attempted to keep a straight face. He'd made her enjoy them.

"Uhmmm…" he raised an eyebrow, "but, Mrs. Shepherd…"

"Mrs. Shepherd," she raised an eyebrow herself. "Derek…you're treading on thin ice."

"And," he chuckled, "as we speak, we are," and hugged her to him, "setting off a new betting pool." Meredith turned her face and caught a glimpse of a couple of nurses and interns walking by and talking amongst themselves and smiling.

"Don't change the subject," she chided not too convincingly; actually trying not to laugh.

"You love surprises," he reached for her hand, pulled her along down the hall. "I clearly remember," he drew her close and whispered.

"I admit," she giggled and squeezed his hand, "you were especially… resourceful," and led him down the fondly traveled path to a destination well known, where they spent pleasurable stolen moments and continued to build on the tapestry of memories of their first happy Christmas.

The holiday shifts had been particularly irregular as staff with children attempted to meet their professional expectations while striving to make the wishes of children come true; camaraderie was at its height during the season.

Meredith pushed open the lounge door, walked over to the fridge and perused the very few appetizing items. "I can't wait to get home…and sleep in my bed."

"Rumor has it, you've spent a considerable amount of time," Cristina told her, "in bed, or should I say…beds…during your shift."

"I'm beginning to think," Meredith plopped down next to her and put her legs up on the table, "Alex is right and you're jealous I'm getting a lot of sex," and took a bite from an apple.

"Meredith," Cristina's tone was suddenly serious. "I wasn't trying to be insensitive."

"About what?" Meredith asked before munching on another bite.

"You. Being pregnant."

"Cristina," Meredith met her friend's gaze and saw the concern. "Derek and I…these past months… we're ok… really, you know that. We've talked about it…you and me, my five chatty perfect haired children…we can talk or joke about it," she said, and simply placed her hand over her friend's and squeezed gently. "I'm ok."

Cristina squeezed back ever so briefly. "I wouldn't bet on that. I know what it means to you."

"I know," Meredith assured. "Maybe you can…soon." Cristina's eyes showed surprise; Meredith smiled. "When I'm pregnant again, we may let you bet on the baby's sex or hair color."

"I told them, Mr. Incredible could probably knock you up… via Mcdreamied texting."

"Probably," Meredith laughed. "But, it's a lot more fun up close and…"

"Mer," Cristina put her hand up playfully. "Spare me the details," and the friends sat in silence.

"Have you noticed," Meredith commented, "how festively decorated the hospital is this year?"

"I think it's been that way since we got here," Cristina answered. "You've just been sprinkled with Izzie's fairy dust and notice it all more," and their spontaneous laugher reached the now quiet and empty hospital corridor before they made their way back to their overnight shifts.

The almost Christmas spirit was alive and well early the following morning as Meredith dragged herself to the parking lot; she'd barely talked to Derek when he came in at five. Yet, she smiled as she thought back to their early morning, they communicated their feelings well enough when he found her, and just one look, effortlessly persuaded her to join him in an on call room.

"Aunty M," Meghan said excitedly, "we was dancing mouses...but we was nice mouses ...not the ugly ones you see on television...when Michael and Jason watch scawy movies, and I gots to be a mouse cause of me is little and I cry cause Katie and Emma and Rebecca," she rattled on the list of all her cousins, "was all dressed up like pretty Halloween costumes…and they was going to dance in front of lots of lots of people…so Katie was all sad and she tolds the teacher she not dance without me…cause of she's my big sister and she takes care of me and we was both sad and," the little girl regaled Meredith with her version of The Nutcracker.

"Meghan, let me speak to your Aunt Meredith," her mother said, a hint of amusement mixed with impatience. "I'm sure she knows all about the story."

"Mommy," Meghan protested, "but I still gots to tell Aunty M of the Sugar Plum Fairies…and I don't gets to talk to her for a lot of days cause of she was working doing surgys…"

"You can tell her another time," Jenna said, but quickly reconsidered, specifying when, lest she be forced to listen to the plum fairies and _mouses_ version yet again, "when she visits with Uncle Derek. Now, I need you to be mommy's helper and give Kerry her pacifier if she spits it out."

"We got the dvd Aunt Pat sent in the mail today," Meredith laughed as she heard Meghan's chatter and Kerry's gurgles in the background.

"I gave you a reprieve," Jenna told her sister in law. "Please watch it so she doesn't tell you every single detail, again. That child can talk your ear off. I have no idea who she takes after," she said, and both women laughed.

"Jenna, she's adorable. But, I thought she was too young to be in the ballet."

"Your niece is slated for an Emmy." Jenna imitated her three year old. "Cause of why can't me dance…Ms. Jill, I be a real good follower of tructions," and they both laughed again, "or a union foreman. Since she had three of Rob's nieces refusing to be in the show."

"I thought there were seven mice only," Meredith commented.

"Exactly," Jenna sighed. "Four were her sister and cousins…and they weren't going to dance cause it made Meggie so sad," and both she and Meredith laughed at the power of tears.

"Wonder who they take after," Meredith quipped.

"Definitely Rob's side of the family," Jenna said. "Shepherds and Maloneys are very easy going, no drama at all," and Meredith's laughter made Jenna smile as she thought of how much had changed since her brother had married Meredith Grey, and continued sharing with her sister in law the inevitable sugar plum fairy family anecdotes.

"Don't forget to call us," Meredith concluded, "even if it's early Jenna… I want to know if the girls liked what we sent them."

"Mer," Jenna assured her, "do you think there's any chance that Meghan and Katie are going to let us forget? Not to mention your goddaughter wanting to talk to you on Christmas Eve, and Ma, Aunt Pat, Maggie, Emma… Kathleen…and McBitchy…"

Meredith giggled, "our kids won't have a chance but to be chatty and nosy…and probably water faucets," she laughed at whatever Jenna said, "you're right, hopefully not the boys."

"Don't forget the great hair," Jenna smiled at the thought of the first Shepherd baby.

"That's a given," Meredith laughed, and they ended the call at the sound of Kerry's impatient wail for food.

Derek paused a moment to enjoy the festive lit house; tomorrow would be their first Christmas Eve together, married and happy. But first, they had to get through their family dinner tonight.

He followed the familiar sound of Tchaikovsky's Nutcracker Suite, and smiled at how often he'd sat through that ballet over the last twenty years as his nieces performed; maybe, he allowed himself to dream, one day it would be his and Meredith's little girl on stage.

Meredith cuddled deeper into the den's sofa cushions, her face reflected a smile as she embraced the scene unfolding before her, and Derek watched unwilling to wake her.

"_Daddy," the pajama clad toddler ran to his father and whispered, "no talk, Mommy seeping," and the distant, yet somewhat familiar scene ended as Derek lifted the dark haired boy and walked away, the slight glimpse into their future ended with the innocence of their son's giggles._

Meredith stirred, shifting slightly and then, Derek's lips brushed hers. "Nice dream?"

"Priceless," she whispered, her voice thick from slumber, and reached for his hand, and smiled.

"Am I in it?"

"Oh yes," she said as her eyes misted, but was unable to finish as the bickering that followed the front door opening intruded and interrupted their intimacy.

"Want to share?"

"Later," she kissed him back.

"Mer," he pouted like a little kid, making her smile again, so like the young glimpse she'd been given, "come on… just a hint."

"Tiny miracles," she smiled, and he knew, undoubtedly, she'd dreamt of children; their children.

"Dude," Alex's voice was the first to be heard, as he stood at the doorway. "Shepherd do something so we don't spend the night watching chick television."

"Alex," Izzie scolded, "you're got no class, it's a ballet…The Nutcracker and it's very appropriate for Christmas."

"Iz," Alex retorted with a typical crooked smirk, "you grew up in a trailer."

"Children," Cristina said coolly, "behave… Mom and Dad don't like the arguing."

"Yang, cut the Mom and Dad crap," Alex snorted.

Meredith and Derek ignored them. "After I spoke with Jenna, I fell asleep."

"She told me," Derek admitted. "She wants to make sure we watch the dvd and spare her another of Meghan's monologue about waltzing flowers and _mouses_," and they shared an intimately knowing smile that held secret dreams of future ballerinas in their lives.

"This is appropriate," Mark's voice joined their family. "Mom and Dad making out on the couch. But, we're not watching the Nutcracker. Shep, we've had enough of those to last a lifetime."

"Mark," Meredith taunted teasingly, her hand reaching out to entwine with Derek's. "Are you saying that if your godchild wants to dance in The Nutcracker, you won't be there?"

"Grey," Mark said, "don't even think of taking that back," and the banter pursued; none present unaware of the tremendous emotional growth their friends had experienced since the devastating sadness over Meredith's miscarriage. "I'll be there," he locked gazes with Lexie and winked.

"Dude," Alex smirked, "you better hope their kid's a girl."

"Why don't we wait," Meredith said calmly, "and find out what our children want to do," she felt Derek's eyes on her, "and, then, I hope you would all support their choices."

"Ass," Izzie hissed as she elbowed Alex, before giving him instructions. "Help me get the eggnog."

"What's wrong with not wanting a boy to be a ballerina," Alex followed her into the kitchen, and their bickering continued, but along the way to retrieving the eggnog, suggestive caresses and stolen kisses, he made it up to her for his loose tongue comments.

"Iz," George smiled at her, "this is really good. Tastes just like my mom's."

"Thanks George," Izzie beamed at the compliment. "It's her recipe."

"Suzy homemaker," Cristina taunted.

"Yang," Alex said, "thanks to Iz you got to eat real food, instead of a box of cereal," and the usual and now familiar arguing ensued as Derek reached to entwine his fingers with Meredith's.

"Izzie," Derek said during the meal, "everything tastes wonderful. Meredith and I really appreciate all you've done to get us in the Holiday spirit, and to celebrate our first Christmas together," he added smiling and earning Meredith's approval, "with our family."

"I love Christmas," Izzie smiled at Derek. "I'm glad that you and Meredith enjoy all the lights and decorations just as much," and she missed the looks exchanged between the husband and wife, and Meredith and George. This Christmas, these moments, created lasting, loving memories for the years to come; memories that fate had long ago determined were meant to be cherished, as not all would gather together again, at future Christmas celebrations.

"One more toast," Mark said as he walked in from the kitchen. "Vintage champagne," he winked at Lexie, "same as what we drank at Mom and Dad's wedding in Venice," and everyone laughed.

"I'd like to make a toast," Cristina's unusual sentimental display shocked her friends into silence, albeit, momentarily. "To friends, good friends… and…family," she paused, "my family."

"Dude," Alex squinted his eyes, questioning, "Yang, you're not dying are you?"

"Ass," Izzie's one word was followed by a domino effect of criticism and dirty looks.

"Idiot," Lexie mumbled.

Cristina Yang laughed. "Alex," then laughed again, "dude…you're so predictable. But, you're right. I'd have thought the same thing. It's lingering Shepherdsville PTSD…."

"Hey," Meredith chimed in, "you enjoyed…Shepherdsville," and teased her, "and fairy tales…"

"Meredith, dear," Derek joked, "don't embarrass our oldest…"

"Your oldest," Cristina snapped, "take that back, Mark's the oldest, by far," and the group of eight, not long ago a group of strangers; betrayed childhood friends, and lovers; and yet to meet family members, continued to celebrate the first Christmas dinner as family; the first and last for some, the first of many to come for the others.

"At midnight," Izzie chirped, a few glasses of champagne later, "it will be officially Christmas Eve day and we agreed we could open presents."

"Wait," Mark said. "We have something we can open now."

"Mer," Derek chuckled, "our oldest hasn't changed. He was always harassing Ma to open presents two days early."

"This is different," Mark shot back. "Lexie and I wanted," he paused and emphasized, "our older sister," another pause for effect, "Cristina to feel…"

"Sloan," Cristina asked, "how much have you had to drink?"

"Lexie," Meredith smiled indulgently at the younger woman, who had indeed become her sister, and felt Derek's arms tighten around her and leaned back into her husband's embrace. "What is your brother talking about?"

Mark remained serious. "This is for you," he presented a gift to Cristina.

"Why?" Cristina said.

"Open it." Mark told her and pulled on Lexie's hand to sit next to him. "It's from us."

Cristina Yang, who was rarely sentimental or emotional, was given little choice. She pulled out a carefully wrapped item and held it reverently; incredulous and speechless as her eyes misted.

"Dude, she's speechless," Alex commented at the long silence, earning a hard smack from Izzie.

"You got a kid's menorah." Cristina finally spoke.

"We saw one for kids…but we didn't mean any offense," Lexie rambled. "We saw it at an arts fair and Mark, and me…and I … well we thought there's so much Christmas and you grew up in a Jewish home…and they had one with different workers like firemen and doctors…but…"

"How," Cristina's voice was anything but unaffected. "Did you get this…"

"It was an arts and craft fair," Mark told her, "I asked the artist…"

"You had it made…a menorah…" Cristina's voice cracked; her reaction surprised everyone.

"There are eight of us," Mark rambled himself. "Derek and Meredith's family… here in Seattle, and it gave us the idea, and it's one of a kind, the artist agreed to personalize it…doe each one of us here with something unique…he was Jewish, said that you shouldn't mind the idea of it…and we know it's probably lit earlier in the evening, but we didn't mean to be disrespectful in any way…or imply that it's for kids or a game…"

"Thank you," Cristina looked up and met Mark and Lexie's nervous gazes. "It's a very special gift," and they all watched as Cristina Yang placed the handmade menorah on the table in front of her, and quietly asked for a light, and for a second closed her eyes and there was the almost inaudible intake of breath, before they heard the softly spoken words; two prayers followed the lighting of candles on the third day of Hanukkah.

"_Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai E-lo-he-nu Me-lech ha-olam a-sher ki-de-sha-nu be-mitz-vo-tav ve-tzi-va-nu le-had-lik ner Cha-nu-kah."_

"_Ba-ruch A-tah Ado-nai E-lo-he-nu Me-lech Ha-olam she-a-sa ni-sim la-avo-te-nu ba-ya-mim ha-hem bi-zman ha-zeh."_

Meredith was the first to speak, and Derek smiled proudly and not without an immense sense of emotion as he listened; his wife, this extraordinary woman he loved, had become the matriarch of his Seattle family. "Mark, Lexie," a sniffle, "that was a lovely and thoughtful gesture."

"Mom, Dad," Cristina needed to regain her emotional balance. "I bet, unlike your oldest child, my younger sister memorized all the traditions that are celebrated with Hanukkah…right Lexie?"

"Yes," Mark smiled proudly. "Plus the three prayers in English and Hebrew…"

"Cristina only said two prayers," George noted.

"There's a third blessing," Lexie replied, "but it's actually only said the first night of Hanukkah."

"Why don't you share it," Mark encouraged after carefully observing the myriad of emotions Cristina had displayed in the very brief moments when only surprise and vulnerability ruled.

Lexie explained what she had learned of the tradition; that the third prayer or blessing is said whenever something pleasant that has not happened for a while is encountered and said on the first night of Hanukkah, but not for the other nights of that holiday. She also repeated the prayer.

"Blessed are You, Lord our G-d, King of the universe, who has granted us life, sustained us, and enabled us to reach this occasion."

The remaining minutes of the twenty-third of December and the third day of Hanukkah would long be remembered by Meredith and Derek's family, while a new tradition was born that year.

"Yang," Mark said, "the candles have been lit over a half hour, Lexie said…"

"You learned too," Cristina commented, and managed to speak to the two of them alone. "This means a lot to me, that you'd go to all this trouble."

"Lexie thought it would be a nice idea," Mark gave her the credit.

"Including the overly moussed hair?" Cristina quipped; taking note of the individual details that had been used to depict each of them in the menorah sculpture.

"That was Mark's idea," Lexie smiled; pleased Cristina had liked their gift.

"I gather you made sure the artist had photos," Cristina commented. "They did a good job," she laughed, "Izzie's broad smile and Alex's smirk…and only you and Derek have dark scrubs."

Meredith and Derek joined them, and after a few minutes he made sure she had a moment alone with Cristina; a quiet moment before the group would experience a bit of fun hearted chaos while they exchanged token secret Santa gifts; yet another tradition, this one, the secret Santa instituted their first year together as interns. Meredith spoke softly, "you miss him."

"Burke believed in Christmas," Cristina shrugged. "We wouldn't have lasted…"

In spite of Cristina's display of emotion over the menorah and its tradition; Meredith knew her religion was strictly based on science.

Meredith did agreed with her comment about Burke, but chose to be more optimistic about the future. "I think, Aunt Pat and Carolyn are right…one day…"

"I'm not having kids," Cristina countered.

"But..." Meredith started to say.

"You have more fairy dust," Cristina interrupted her.

"Nope." Meredith answered. "I didn't say anything about kids. But… Aunt Pat…"

"You're trusting a trouble-making poker cheating nun," Cristina teased, "about things to come."

"No." Meredith smiled.

"I knew you'd see it my way," Cristina smiled back.

Meredith put her arm around her friend, and pointed to Mark and Lexie, talking and laughing. "I'm still not sure how I feel about that, but, as for the rest. I'm counting on it."

"I'm totally screwed," Cristina shook her head when Mark placed his arm around Lexie's shoulders and drew her close to him, and Lexie rested her head on his shoulder. "Aren't I?"

"We'll see," Meredith met Cristina's smile. "Happy Hanukkah."

"Happy Christmas, Mer. I hope Aunt Pat's right, about you and Derek," she smiled affectionately at her friend, "and your five chatty kids."

"Three," Meredith's melodious laughter brought Derek to her side.

"What's so funny?" He kissed her.

"Cristina's taking bets," Meredith kissed him back.

"About what?"

"Our chatty kids," she smiled.

"Really," he laughed and challenged Cristina. "Still scaring her that you're betting on five."

"No," Cristina she told him. "Just that your sons we'll probably be bald."

"What…" Derek said indignantly. "Truce is over," he told her, and then their spontaneous and genuinely affectionate laughter was joined by the others; strangers once, that had become family, in the house that two lonely lovers had turned into a home.

"What are you thinking?" Meredith's lips curved into a smile as she laid naked, content, in her husband's arms; their lovemaking giving new meaning to satiated.

"You think," Derek chuckled, "I have energy left to think?"

"My old beast…exhausted." Meredith teased.

"Your old beast…" Derek nibbled on her naked shoulder, "needs to recuperate."

"I've got a secret for you," Meredith giggled.

"Really…"

"I need to recuperate too," and their laughter reached their roommates.

"How the hell do they have energy left," Alex groaned into Izzie's neck.

"Ask Cristina," Izzie hugged him closer, "and let's bottle Mr. Incredible's secret," and the two often quarreling lovers faced each other and laughed, before falling asleep.

"Mer," Derek asked, "Did you just hear Izzie and Alex laughing? Are we as loud?"

"Derek," Meredith giggled. "From everyone's account, we're louder."

"I need to add acoustic panels to the new house…" Derek bit her shoulder playfully.

"Did you say," Meredith smiled, "you needed time…to recuperate?"

"I'm a fast charger," he said, and they laughed at his analogy.

"You realize that I have to be at the hospital in less than five hours…and then a double shift?"

"You don't have a double shift," Derek said worriedly, but caught himself, lest she begin to wonder. "You're off this afternoon."

"Technically yes, but all I want to do is sleep. I have to be back at the hospital at midnight."

"I'm off," Derek caressed the length of her body. "We can sleep together."

Meredith's laughter warmed his heart again. "Sleep Derek?"

"Uhmm…we could have some fun, old beasts have fun…"

"If you're any more fun, you're going to kill me," she giggled.

"We can talk about other things, boring things." Derek's lips nibbled her shoulder, "our first family Christmas and Hanukkah dinner was a success."

"It was," Meredith agreed. "But, that's not really boring."

"Compared to dirty…sexy…things…"

Meredith snuggled closer, remaining quiet, her hand tenderly stroking the arm embracing her.

"Hey…what are you thinking?"

"It's the first time," she sighed, "since I was a little girl, and I can barely remember since I was four…that I've looked forward to all the celebrations."

"I'm sorry…" he hugged her closer still, their bodies pressed together. "I wish it had been different for you, that you didn't feel sad …that somehow I could change that for you…"

"Hey," she could hear the sadness in this voice; sadness for what she'd missed and her love for him grew stronger. She turned to face him, cupped his face. "You have changed that for me."

"You deserved more than that…so much more …" he shook his head, his lips pursed, still unbelieving this woman had so much compassion and love to give, even when she grew up without it, and he remembered the day he walked in and heard her talking to her mother, before he'd known so much of the heartache she'd endured, of the loneliness of her childhood and the emotional abandonment she'd been subjected to from Ellis; the day she'd told her mother she was going to become a grandmother.

Derek," she kissed him softly, "don't be sad…don't you see…I'm not sad…how can I be? I have you… Derek…you made me believe in it all…if I had to go through it again…and I'd have you…I would…I have family because of you. Tonight, we had tonight because of you; you gave me that, family ...and tons of nieces and nephews… my first godchild, traditions to look forward to, and one day we'll have chatty kids waking us up in the middle of the night…and their daddy will probably be up before them, trying to convince me," she kissed a lone tear, unaware of his thoughts. "Derek…don't you dare get me started…I told Jenna our boys could not be water faucets like her."

"I love you," Derek's eyes were indeed misty. "Meredith…you are the one that gave me all those things…you gave me back my family too…Mer…don't ever forget it…when I was drowning…you were my breath of fresh air…made me believe again…you saved me."

"Let's agree," she brushed her lips over his, "that we saved," kissed him again, tenderly, "each other," and their lips met and each touch, each caress led to tender spoken words of love and unexpected confirmation of future dreams waiting to be fulfilled.

_God smiled down on one of his most prized creations and smiled. Who was He kidding? He thought that of all His children, but, recognized that some managed to capture his soul and make Him wish things could be different, so He became a more indulgent Father of His tiny angel and her parents._

"_Granma," God's tiny prized creation rambled away. "My mommy and daddy was happy…but then they got sad…Granma…I want to tell them I love them lots and lots," then turned her pleading to another. "Please Granpa? Can I do that?"_

"_Brianna," her grandfather spoke gently. "I promise you, little one, they know you love them."_

"_Lots and lots Granpa?"_

"_Yes, Brianna…lots and lots," Granpa Shepherd smiled with a hidden hint of sadness at the loneliness of years away from his family, though he rejoiced in their current happiness._

"_But," the tiny angel pouted. "I gets to go…when my mommy gets my baby brother? Remember Granpa…I gets to whisper in her ear…"_

"_Yes…Brianna," her grandfather answered. "You'll get to whisper in her ear."_

"_Promise Granpa?"_

"_Yes," Derek's father responded; a few seconds after he listened to that ever present Voice of Love and Wisdom and Knowledge. "Yes… she'll get to whisper in her mother's ear…"_

Meredith heard a gentle and loving reassuring voice, "be at peace, you dreams will be fulfilled."

"Derek, did you hear that…a gentle voice…like a dream, but a voice Derek…Oh God…I'm hearing things."

Derek whispered, "me too," and repeated in awe. "Be at peace, your dreams will be fulfilled."

_I probably shouldn't have done that, He thought, and smiled. But, after all, it's Christmas and they honored Hanukkah too, and they've had a sad year, and so, His tiny angel was allowed to do one special thing, to visit her friend in a dream. Then, He made sure that Meredith and Derek would never forget the feeling of peace; the promise of dreams about to be fulfilled, only that they would believe they had shared a dream, and not that on this dawn of their first Christmas Eve together, it was His voice they had heard. He'd have to be more careful; Christmas always made Him a bit more indulgent with His Priceless and Treasured Creations._

"Derek," she'd said, long after he thought she had fallen asleep. "Love…saved us…you loving me…knowing you loved me, made me fall in love with my most wonderful surprise ever…our unexpected and tiny precious miracle…"

"Brianna," he whispered reverently, holding her close to him. "I love you, Meredith. We'll have that again… our tiny miracles…I promise you… I have no doubts."

"I love you Derek, and I know that dream…my dream with Brianna, our dream, will come true."

_A/N 9/3/12 - It's been hard to get this chapter done; I knew where I want this to go, though it just was not clicking. But, if Rhimes can give us the "musical-sham" I decided to allow myself what may be a mediocre chapter instead of continuing to wait for the inspiration to be at its prime (though late today after cutting the chapter short, it may have come together a little better than expected). Apologies if this fails to meet with what you'd have liked._

_Cristina, as many of you that have been reading this story are aware, has not been one of my favorite characters; her portrayal was harsh and often unpleasant up through the wedding in Venice; then I wanted to show some vulnerabilities and see qualities that Meredith must obviously see, but we often wonder about (on Grey's) – the Hanukkah scene was written to somehow show that this woman, Meredith's person, indeed has vulnerabilities and deeply cares for those she chooses to love, whether we see that on GA or not. I am not an expert on Jewish traditions, but have tremendous respect for the faith it represents, and hope the way it was written was in no way disrespectful; sources included Chabad dot org. _


	233. Chapter 233

_A/N 10/22/12 – Thanks to all still reading; hope you have joyed enjoy my vision of how Meredith and Derek overcame those 100 steps to building their home…I truly believe, even if we don't see much of it on Grey's, they have become very good at communicating with each other. Your comments are always incredibly welcome._

_Went back to read the last chapter to have some sense of continuity, and amazes me that I can still find missing words, extra commas and similar errors. For this chapter, have borrowed a couple of sentences from 4.11/4.17 that I'm sure you'll recognize. I also had to go back and keep track of the "mushy" sentiments they've expressed to one another._

_There's an article in the daily beast online (Newsweek edition 10/7/12) found under proof of heaven, a doctor's (neurosurgeon) experience with the afterlife, that I found inspiring and makes me feel a little better that I have portrayed many spiritual gifts/dreams throughout this story. Warm regards, Jasmin._

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas Eve…Pt 1**_

"Mer," Derek whispered, leaning into her as he released her seatbelt and placed his lips on hers, effectively waking her. "I'm going to start getting an inferiority complex," his eyes sparkled, smiling Irish eyes, in anticipation of her forthcoming reaction, "that I'm boring…you fall asleep every time I'm with you."

"I do not," she contradicted; eyes still heavy with sleep after the ferry crossing and short driving distance to their land.

"Yeah," he nipped, biting…enticing, "you do."

"Well…only when you drive," she conceded.

"Which is all the time," he chuckled. "Personal sex slave turned driver…"

"If my slave," she was unable to hold back a yawn, "hadn't kept me …entertained till almost midnight and…then… at five this morning…"

"It's our first Christmas Eve together," he defended.

"Technically, it's not Christmas Eve for hours…"

"Meredith," he pouted mockingly, "you're getting like Yang…no romance…"

"No romance! Shepherd, I could be sleeping for the next eight hours …before I have to be back at midnight tonight…when it's officially Christmas Eve."

"Actually," he teased, the back of his hand caressing her face. "At midnight, it will be Christmas Day already."

"Derek," she glared at him, sleep deprivation momentarily rearing its head. "The point is… I've had no sleep…and why are we stopping here?"

"But," he ignored her question and pulled her closer to him, while his hands on her skin caressed tenderly. "What fun would sleep be," his playful gaze met hers, "and interns, they're used to sleepless nights…"

"Especially," his flirty mood was contagious, "when it has to do with slutty interns…and lots of dirty sex…"

"Lots of dirty sex…" his eyes sparkled, "uhmmm…more dirty sex…I say…"

His laughter joined hers, "that never gets old for you…does it?"

"Dirty sex…lots of sex…" Derek raised one eyebrow provocatively and Meredith's presumed lack of sleep vanished. "It's what you get," his lips lingered on her neck, "after…" he heard her intake of breath, "kissing, so…more kissing I say…" and again, laughter preceded the inevitable desire between them, albeit, momentarily.

"Uhmm…" she agreed, "more kissing…more…sex…"

"Mer," their hands explored; her moan, almost, making him forget his plans. Stop…"

"Stop…" she smiled seductively, "you want me to stop…"

"No…" he admitted; a look of satisfaction on her face. "But, we have company…"

"Uhmm…" her lips found his; her hand teased and enticed.

"Meredith," he savored the kiss, but took hold of her hand, "we have company."

"Company…" she repeated, confused, then heard a car's engine, and sat up. "We have what! You brought me out here to entertain company…are you…"

"No," he interrupted her. It had been a close call. "They weren't supposed to be here." He kissed her soundly. "They're driving away. It's just us now."

"Derek, are you crazy?" She demanded in a wifely tone. "What are you up to? You bring me here and seduce me and then tell me we have to stop…and that we have company."

"It's a surprise," he winked at her, smiled. "And you seduced me."

"I hate surprises," she said adamantly; she'd been more than ready to forget they were in the middle of their land, in a car… and give in to their always present sexual pull. "And you're a moron…"

"I love you too, dear," he smiled again and entwined their hands as put the car in drive and continued a very short distance. "And…you're going to love your surprise…"

"Brainless," she couldn't help but bite her lip to hide a smile at his obvious enthusiasm over whatever he'd planned, "moron."

The car came to a stop, and if she were paying very close attention, she may have detected a bit of nervousness as he waited for her reaction. "What do you think?" He asked, like a young boy displaying his most prized treasured.

She looked at the view he pointed before her, speechless, and met his (smiling) gaze.

"Oh my God… Derek… what have they done?" He grinned. She slapped his arm away.

"Why are you smiling? They've destroyed our land…it's all torn up… Derek… it wasn't like that, not since they broke ground… it was a mess then …and now…it looks like they've dug up the foundation … and the house is going to take forever… people are taking bets, Derek… and now… they'll probably think that you're paranoid and building a secret bunker… stop smiling you brainless…"

"Mer," he silenced her unexpected tirade with a quick kiss on her lips. "Come on…"

"Come on," she argued, "to do what? Walk on mud and… oh Derek," her voice sounded disappointed, " it was looking like we would have a house next year and now…"

"Let's go," this wasn't what he'd expected. He quickly got out of the car and went to the passenger side and opened her door. "Trust me."

"Trust you…has got me in lots of trouble before Derek…" she wasn't budging.

"It has not…" he leaned into her, kissed her. "Get your gloves on…and let's go explore."

"Explore," she protested, but she did as he asked. "I can't believe you think this is a good idea, to deprive me of sleep, again, when I could be in a nice warm bed before a midnight shift, instead you drag me here to see our land has been torn up by strangers' tractors," she referred to the equipment displaying a local farmers business name.

"Mer…" they're not strangers. "I know them."

"Really," she stopped walking and challenged. "Since when?"

"They own a lavender farm," he smiled. She wanted to yell at him, again.

"Derek…there are piles of dirt everywhere," disappointment was again evident in her voice. "When it was looking like they were making progress."

"Turn around," he said and guided her to look toward the distance.

"Derek," incredulous, she reached for his hand. "Derek…" her eyes misted, "that's…"

"Yes." The look of surprise on her face was all he needed to confirm she was pleased, that he'd made the right choice in revealing an early Christmas present.

Her hand tightened her hold on his; he heard the slight intake of breath before she faced him, her misty eyes locked gazes with him.

A memory of years ago suddenly flashed before him; a similar expression on Jenna's face the Christmas morning when she was seven and snuck down in the middle of the night and discovered that Santa existed; he'd heard the creaks of her tiny footsteps and followed her down the stairs and witnessed her reaction as she watched in awe that the Christmas tree was surrounded by presents, and looked behind her to find her older brother; now he saw the same expression on Meredith's face, and he repeated what Jenna had said to him then.

"There is a Santa Claus," he said and saw the tears pool in her eyes, and then one tear slide slowly down her cheek.

"It's our house," she said of the wooden frame that had not been there the last time she visited, and then whispered reverently, "our home."

"Our home," he said after he got his emotions in check. His lips pursed, misty eyed too.

"You're…" her gaze held his; her voice cracked. "You became Santa…"

"I'm not that old," he joked.

"Oh, Derek," she threw her arms around him and hugged him, and he twirled her around, relishing in her happiness, as they created another treasured memory for that imaginary tapestry of lovers fated to be together for a lifetime; the memory of their first Christmas Eve; one of hundreds of moments to be cherished in their lifetime and beyond.

"I thought," he held her tightly. "You didn't like surprises."

"Ass," she giggled, the sound always delighting him. "How…Derek… how did you do this…when? The foundation, I thought they tore it up…but they didn't, the wooden frame is up…but what are all those mounds of dirt and when did you do this?"

"You ask too many questions." He pulled her along towards the construction.

"Why are we going this way?"

"Trust me." He laughed, nervously this time, but eager to find out what she thought of the rest of the work that had been done.

"Why are you taking me to see dirt? Derek, why aren't we walking toward the house?

"It's not dirt," he told her. "It's sandy loam."

Her expression was priceless. "Loam, dirt, torn up…whatever…Derek, there's mounds of it. Oh God…did a family of bears move in…they've dug all this up…and bears do that, they burrow and…you brought in a tractor to keep me from finding out…"

He laughed at her vivid imagination. "You're really sleep deprived."

"Derek," she warned. "It's not funny…what is all this?"

"This," he stretched his arm pointing towards the newly prepared soil. "These mounds are for a lavender field. They've been working over the last few weeks. Planting lavender."

"Planting lavender," she said softly, and her eyes misted again.

"The view from our house," he met her gaze, continuing to gauge her response, "one of them, will have lavender fields."

"You did this for me…our home…" he noticed she always said home.

"There's not much," one hand cupped her face. "I wouldn't do for you," a light kiss followed. "I have so much to make up to you for."

"You don't," she held her hand over his. "We're there…Derek…those hundred steps…we've made it…from where we were…to building our dream house."

"Our dream house," he smiled; teased her. "The same house you called a bunker."

"I love you," she said, caressed his face tenderly before brushing his lips with hers.

"Mastered diversion," he laughed and kissed her. "Maloney women will be proud."

"I," she kissed him back, "had a really," paused for another kiss, "good teacher."

"I love you," he told her. "No diversions, except…this," his mouth captured hers again, and it would be a long while before either spoke again.

"Tell me," she said when he reached for her hand and they walked toward the newly built wood frame structure, "how did you manage this? I know John had said the house would be ready in the fall…but that went out the window with the trial…and I thought they started up again right before Thanksgiving…but this wasn't here, not a hint of it when we were here the day you spent with Tuck…and then…" she paused, caught his indulgent grin. "What…I'm curious…how did you…"

"If you let me talk," he stepped onto the concrete foundation, and then helped her step up.

"Derek…"

"So impatient," he grinned. "But no curiosity to see the rest of the house…"

"Of course I want to see it…but, I want to know when and how all this got done."

"Let me give you a tour," he said, and without warning lifted her into his arms and carried her through the open frame and over the yet to exist threshold.

Meredith's arms circled his neck. "Derek," she felt so many emotions. "I love you, so much."

He kissed her softly, and his arms tightened around her. "Hearing you say that…knowing you love me," his eyes held sentimental tears, "that you forgave me…for so much…that you could love me…it's my greatest gift…Meredith…don't ever doubt it."

"Hey," she chided. "We put that behind us…and it's Christmas Eve Derek…our first…"

"Now it's Christmas Eve," he teased her as he let her feet touch the floor. "But, when we got here, it was only at midnight."

"Don't be an idiot," she laughed. "Give me the tour…what's up those steps…"

"Well…" he grinned as a boy ready to open another new Christmas toy. "This, where we are standing is our kitchen, there is where our dining table will be…and here," he'd led her through the house holding her hand, "is the best view for our living room…and over there…" he pointed to an area near the open window frames. "That's the room…where our kids will play."

"Our kids," Meredith's voice cracked.

"Our three kids," his voice was equally vulnerable. "Your dream Meredith…we will make that dream come true."

"There," she continued, "by the fireplace…we'll have the Christmas tree…and…I'll have to make sure their Daddy doesn't spoil them rotten with lots of gifts."

"Their mommy," Derek finished her thoughts of future dreams, "I think…will be much worse than their Daddy."

"Oh Derek," she turned to embrace him. "I do hope… those dreams come true."

"Remember…last night," he mentioned the voice they'd considered a dream, "what we heard…your dreams will be fulfilled."

"We had the same dream…" she hugged him tighter. "It must be true."

"It is," he said with firm conviction; the last months a testament to that faith his mother and sisters deeply embraced, and gave thanks for the spiritual gifts experienced.

"Where's our bedroom," she asked after they'd walked around the ground floor.

"Ah…and then she accuses me of taking advantage of her," he chuckled.

"You like," she teased him, "being taking advantage of."

"Uhmmm…especially by that intern…"

"I have a secret to tell you," Meredith said seductively. "She loves taking advantage of you," and their laughter echoed and carried by the wind; the first time it would be heard, and the first of countless treasured memories yet to be created, in the place they would in the very near future begin to raise a family.

"Careful on the steps," he walked behind her, his hand on her back, "this was just done so we could get up the stairs today, the real staircase will get done in January; they've stopped work till the new year."

"I can't believe you did all of this," she said just as she reached the second floor.

"Wait till you see the rest," he said, as they walked through the area that would be the common hall to the family bedrooms, and led her toward the master suite.

"Derek," she looked at the set up and began to laugh. "What have you done? We still have the trailer."

"Uhmmm," he nodded. "But, this will me so much more fun," he walked with her to the center of the room, "and…I figured, by the time we made it upstairs, neither of us would want to wait…till we got to the trailer," he pulled her against him, and indeed, neither did.

Meredith's giggles were infectious. Her happiness the only gift he needed.

"The kids are going to love this," she lay on top of him, long after their afternoon lovemaking. "You were right though, telling them to go on the internet may have been the best idea."

"What…" he acted shocked. "You agree it was a good idea…"

"Don't gloat," she told him. "I'm just being practical, and we couldn't very well ship this monstrosity to them."

"Monstrosity," he raised an eyebrow. "Which you enjoyed plenty…"

"Honey," she said playfully, "what does enjoying an afternoon of sex inside a camping tent on an inflatable mattress…have to do with facts…"

"Facts," Derek nibbled on her naked shoulder, "you want facts…"

"Uhmm," before she knew it she was under him. "I like your facts…"

"Do you…" he pressed his body to hers.

"My old beast," she paused, moaned as his hands roamed, "ready…to pounce…"

"You bring out the beast in me," he growled, and the sounds of laughter once gain entwined with those of pleasure; both resonating throughout the frame of a structure that would become their home; the home where they would grow old and build a family.

Before the sun set on their first Christmas Eve afternoon, they had enjoyed a couple of hours alone in and around their new home, and now were headed toward the trailer before making their way back to Seattle.

"Derek, you're going to leave that tent set up in our bedroom?"

"It will be up for days when the kids visit," he leaned in to kiss her. "I'll be back here in a couple of days and take it down while you're working; not wasting you and me time."

"I can't wait to find out their reaction," Meredith smiled at him. "It was an excellent idea for their Christmas gifts."

"I'm not so brainless," he nuzzled her neck, sucking gently at a precise favorite spot.

"Uhmm…maybe…not," she agreed. He knew exactly what she wanted.

"We have one more stop," Derek told her as they reached the ground floor.

"One more stop," she turned to him, "from here to the trailer?"

"No," he smiled, "here in the house."

"There's nothing more here," she rolled her eyes.

"There is," and he led her to an area she hadn't noticed and found two rocking chairs, one of which had a small Christmas gift bag hanging from its top rail.

"How did I not notice these before?"

"You were preoccupied…" Derek teased her. "With your sex slave."

"I guess I was," she laughed. "He's very persuasive," and several minutes passed before they got back to how and why the rocking chairs were there.

"We couldn't really have them on the porch, since that floor is built at a later phase," Derek explained. "But, this was the next best thing," he took her hand again. "This is the same view that we'll see," his voice became quiet and sentimental, "when we sit here…and we're getting to one hundred and ten…"

"You mean," Meredith was as sentimental, yet sounded more realistic, "when we're old and senile."

"That too," Derek laughed and walked over to the rocking chairs.

"More surprises," Meredith said as he reached for the bag before sitting down.

"You've already had your surprise," he told her. "I wasn't sure if you'd like my idea…the lavender fields."

"I loved your idea, but you still haven't told me…when did you think of this, how?"

"I wanted something special for you, and…"

"Derek," she got up, sat on his lap. "You don't have to keep doing this… where we are, what we've built…we've come so far… this home… us…married…happy… it's all we need…that's enough. It's normal…and we have family…and you've made all that happen…it's more than enough… you've given me all of that."

"I love you," he said simply.

"I know you do," she snuggled against him. "That's all I really need."

"You'll always have that," their gazes locked; neither would ever doubt those feelings.

"You still have to tell me," she said after they sat quietly, imagining what the view would become in the years ahead, without the current work in progress.

"I drove by the lavender farm one day, and I had never really noticed it, so I stopped and asked questions, and they were getting ready to do their fall planting… they do that twice a year, spring and fall…for different varieties…and how to take care of it…"

"Derek, I do love what you did… but…we hardly have time and with kids…well…I don't see you plowing fields."

"We made a deal," he kissed her, then laughed. "We won't plow fields."

"I don't know about farming Derek… what kind of deal?"

"I'd pay for them to prepare the soil, that's why you see the sandy loams, and the preparation for the area to be well drained…and since we're not doing this commercially, there's some mounds for raised beds…we'll keep those…"

"What do you mean we'll keep those?"

"The deal was we'd have the indigo lavender," he smiled, "that variety to keep…the rest, if they took care of the fields, they could harvest it and use for their business."

"Strangers... taking over our lavender fields," she's already become possessive of his gift.

"They'll be here every year," he chuckled. "Hardly strangers…think of it as gardeners."

"Uhmm…"

"It will be worth it," he told her as he gave her the small bag, "look at it."

She took out a small white tube which he instructed her to open and then he reached in for the small rendering to unveil. Her hand, almost involuntarily, covered her heart as he heard the small gasp, and she turned to him, misty eyed once again.

"You don't like it," he automatically assumed. "I tried to remember every detail of your dream, what you told me…that it would always be a good memory. I know it's a mess now, and it won't look like this sketch till lavender blooms peak from June to August."

"Oh, Derek…" she traced the image of the sketch in front of her, "it is my dream…just as I saw it," she said of the spot that would become a side porch, where she would sit in this rocking chair, and hold a baby girl, as their boys and their father, her three boys.

"You don't mind," he said, "that I used your dream…"

"I love what you did… it's beautiful, and perfect…and sentimental…and you've turned me into Jenna… a leaking faucet!"

"I adore you, Meredith Grey…every bit of you…"

"If I forget," she said, linking their hands as she became suddenly melancholy. "This…will always remind me…of us…of this moment," and she closed her eyes ever so briefly and smiled, and knew she would never forget the image before her; how he'd made her dream come alive on a watercolor sketch… she on the porch, rocking a baby wrapped in pink with a smile on her face, looking out at the lavender fields where two small boys and their dad played hide-and-seek.

"You won't forget," he vowed. "I was selfish…and this…was for me too…even when I'm old and senile and blind, this memory… we won't forget."

"Derek…" she smacked him, "that's terrible…how can you say that…ruin this moment."

"Meredith," her name, became a caress; then cocked his head, uniquely his style, and teased. "We're going to be over one hundred, there's got to be something wrong with us at that age," and their laughter once again echoed through the beloved wilderness where they'd built a home.

"No matter where I am," his thumb caressed the back of her hand, "on our land…your sent will follow…one of the many things I love about you…your smell…for our children…for always…"

"For always," she said. "You've created memories of Brianna…her lilies of the valley…the lavender fields," she had never felt more vulnerable or sentimental, or loved, "a garden of beauty…and love…that's what you've brought to my life…"

"You are my life…Meredith," he whispered as he cupped her face tenderly, "my priceless treasure…my everything."

"Derek," sparkling smiling eyes met his, "we've become two really mushy, sappy…sentimental…"

"Who cares," his lips found hers, and two sentimental lovers shared a kiss; a lingering, emotional kiss that spoke of dreams, once shattered, soon to be fulfilled.

_Christmas Eve Pt 2 to follow soonish..._

_A/N – 10/23/12 - Last week, following the Dempsey Challenge, took the time to travel to several cities in Maine and stayed at a lovely inn in Lincolnville, and this chapter unfolded on its own (the sentimental, sappy bit of it) on a beautiful cold starry night by the fireplace; then, after walking along the age old stones and pebbles, wrote for a couple of hours, on a small hill sloping towards the water's edge, listening to the ever present lapping of the tiny ripples of waves on the small narrow rocky shore; a view that could well resemble the same on Meredith's and Derek's land…and well…why not share all that sentimentality!_


	234. Chapter 234

_A/N – January 2, 2013 - The Ninth Day of Christmas … so almost a year has passed… since the idea of twelve Christmas scenes began…sorry it's been such a slow year of writing, but, the interest is definitely waning for this MD story, and I have thoroughly enjoyed my weekend time spent with my year old goddaughter; absolutely priceless & treasured memories. Hope the few of you still reading like what unfolds over the next few days of writing, ideally – we'll be caught up in regard to Christmas/New Year mentions by the end of January! Best wishes for a healthy, prosperous & Happy New Year to all!_

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas Eve… Pt 2 **_

Meredith and Derek's laughter preceded their Christmas Eve entrance.

"Derek," she giggled, fumbling with the keys, reminiscent of so many moments shared at her front door, as he nuzzled her neck and nipped playfully. "I won't be able to show my face…if…"

"If what…" he nibbled her neck, all the while walking through the now wide open door, and then circled her waist and kissed her.

"Dude," Alex was the first of their friends to speak, "last night…wasn't enough?"

"Meredith," Derek kept his arms around her, "thank you, again for my early Christmas present…" he paused, winked at her and looked at the five standing before him; George it would be noted in the years ahead the first of the five interns that wouldn't, literally, make it. "Nothing could be better than knowing you're asking the tenants to move out in the new year."

Meredith circled his neck with her arms, and pretended to whisper as she tried no to laugh. "Serves them right."

"Ass," Izzie automatically smacked Alex, "can't you ever keep your mouth shut!"

"You weren't complaining last night," Alex dismissed Derek's threat.

"He's joking." Cristina stated. "Mer's too soft with the bunch of you."

"Meredith, Derek," Lexie's ramble began. "We were only here…because we thought you'd be going straight to the hospital…I mean…Derek said you'd be spending the rest of the afternoon at the trailer and showing you the new house structure…and…Mark said you wouldn't mind if we had the leftovers…and we're all leaving for the hospital…"

"Yang's right," Mark placed his hand on Lexie's shoulder, and the gentle movement of the caress on her arm did not go unnoticed by her sister. "He's bluffing."

"Mr. Incredible," Cristina taunted teasingly as she accurately assessed the smiles between husband and wife, "must have failed to rise to the occasion."

Meredith and Derek reacted by bursting out in laughter before Meredith said, "quite the contrary…and it was the most extraordinary…"

"Mer," Alex chimed in, "you feeling ok? You don't discuss these things."

"It was the most," Meredith smiled at Derek, "extraordinary afternoon…" then she stepped forward and playfully smacked Alex, "at our new house."

"The house is done!" Izzie said with typical exuberance. "Oh my God, Mer…that's so exciting to have a brand new house at Christmas!"

"It's not quite done," Derek admitted. "But, the foundation and some walls are up."

"Nice." Cristina commented. "You'll soon have a frat house free environment."

"It will probably be months," Meredith added, "but," she smiled, and her eyes misted, "Derek's surprise was really wonderful."

"I didn't think," Alex smirked, "there were any sexual surprises left between you."

"Karev," Mark told him. "I'd keep that trap shut."

"Why?" Alex continued. "It's the truth. Especially if you'd been here last night."

"Mer, I kind of agree with Alex," Izzie said. "After last night, we didn't think…there could be any surprises…you know…the sexual kind…"

"Ok," Meredith said. "Enough with inappropriate comments. We have new rules about that. Stop them. All of you. And you," she pointed to Mark, "stop flirting with my sister."

"I'm not flirting with Lexie," Mark denied.

"I'd say he's trying to seduce her," Alex ignored Meredith's comments. "He's had his hands on some part of her body since he got here."

"What," Lexie reacted immediately by moving away from Mark, whose hands had indeed been massaging her shoulders. "That's not true."

"Fine," Meredith said. "I'm seeing things, but if you're thinking about it. Don't."

Cristina teased her, "are you grouchy cause Mr. Incredible didn't quite live up to…"

"Mr. Incredible," Meredith assured, "in fact, more than rose to the occasion!"

"Mer, really," Cristina shook her head. "Don't share details."

Meredith turned to Derek and smiled seductively, "and, he's about to rise to the occasion again," she couldn't disguise a secret smile as her husband shifted uncomfortably. "So, I suggest you all take whatever you came for," she reached for Derek's hand and pulled him along toward the stairs, "leave…now," and left them all speechless as she giggled on the way up the stairs followed by her equally speechless husband, and then the turned at the top of the stairs, "because we're not planning on G rated sex for the next three hours."

"You want," Derek pulled her into his arms, raised an eyebrow suggestively and smiled, "more…dirty…sex…for the next three hours…"

"Oh God, no," Meredith kissed him hard on the lips before she turned to walk to their bedroom door.

"You don't," Derek's smile turned in to a frown. "But…you just said…"

"Derek," she laughed as she dramatically fell back on the bed. "I'm exhausted, and even Mr. Incredible needs a rest."

"Thank God," Derek's laughter joined hers as she reached for his hand and pulled him on top of her. "Your old beast is worn out."

"I think," their playful laughter was heard downstairs. "My old beast… would be more than willing…but, I have a twelve hour shift."

"Good thing," Mark chuckled as they all proceeded to exit. "I got you all earplugs."

"Always," Derek pressed his body against hers; oblivious to their friends' departure.

"Derek," Meredith said, "I really need a couple hours of sleep."

"I know," he caressed her face. "So does your slave."

"But," she kissed him. "Before I leave for the hospital…know what I'd like…"

"Pizza?"

Her melodious laughter once again filled the room that had witnessed the transformation from a one night stand and prohibited sleep overs to lovers committed to each other for a lifetime. "A quickie…"

"Always makes you feel better…" he finished for her before their lips met once more, and little sleep followed on their first Christmas Eve, happy and married and full of hopes and dreams fulfilled that would become treasured priceless memories.

"Mer," Derek pulled her close to him and kissed her naked shoulder. "Wake up…someone wants to talk to you."

"No…tired," she mumbled, "sleep…little longer…"

"Ok," he accepted, knowing it would be momentary. "Kerry," he spoke softly, "your godmother is very tired…because she's been naughty…all afternoon…and evening…"

"What," Meredith turned quickly and glared at him, "are you doing? Derek Shepherd…are you crazy…no…take that back…absolutely brainless… talking to a baby like that, who else is listening to your conversation…" and just then his phone rang.

"Oops…" he smiled, just like a little boy caught with a new pet frog in his pocket.

"You tricked me," she said, and took the phone from him.

"Hi Jenna," she smiled, "I didn't really think you'd be calling. Is it midnight?" The look on Derek's face made being awakened well worth it. Family, she'd realized meant much more to him than he'd ever revealed before.

"Of course," his sister said. "Derek knows if he's not here, we always harass him right before Midnight Mass begins."

"I thought," Meredith questioned, and pressed the speaker key. "You can't use a phone in church."

"You can't," Jenna laughed. "But we have connections…and they claim old age goes before beauty and babies and before there's mutiny," the phone was taken from her.

"Meredith," Carolyn's voice was heartwarming, "sweetheart, we always call any of the kids that aren't with us to wish them a Merry Christmas at midnight. Derek, are you listening?"

"Ma," he choked up; never failed on this night of family gatherings. "I love you."

"Merry Christmas son, I love you... and your Dad…I know he's watching over you and Meredith and all of us tonight…"

"I know Ma," Derek agreed, the first time doing so, believing it could be true, in many years, and felt Meredith's hand gently squeeze his.

"We love you Carolyn," Meredith said, her eyes misty. "Thank you…for showing me what Moms are like, especially during holidays."

"You're in my prayers Meredith, you and Derek, and I hope one year soon, we can have you with us at Christmas."

"We'll be there," Meredith assured her, while surprising Derek. "Next Christmas."

"Ok," they heard Aunt's Pat's voice. "Merry Christmas dears, I can't delay the start of Midnight Mass any longer… I told Father Dennison that even the Three Kings didn't get there right at midnight, but more than 5 minutes late isn't acceptable to him."

"Merry Christmas Derek, Meredith," Kathleen, Nancy and Maggie echoed. "Talk to you from Mom's tomorrow."

"Merry Christmas," Derek responded. "Love you…all…"

"Mer," Jenna's voice was quiet, "can you hear Kerry?"

"She's awake?" Meredith asked.

"Oh yes," Jenna laughed softly, "she's been singing along to the Christmas carols that always precede mass."

"My nine week old godchild is singing," Meredith giggled.

"Kerry," her mom smiled, "let your godparents hear you sing."

Meredith and Derek smiled as they heard the first chords of a familiar hymn.

_Oh, Come, All Ye Faithful, Joyful and Triumphant,_ signaled the procession and entrance of the priest followed by all the celebrants of this very special day, welcoming the newborn infant Jesus at Midnight Mass, and the godparents, indeed, heard the littlest Shepherd's coos with the rest of the family gathered; their tiny precious miracle that had helped bring hope of future blessings for that imaginary tapestry depicting the legend of Meredith and Derek.

_A/N- it's one of the shortest chapters written for Shattered Dreams, but it leads the way for the last of the "First" events: Christmas, December Anniversary gift and New Year's and then we jump to their one year anniversary and begin the final journey of Dreams being Fulfilled._


	235. Chapter 235

_A/N – January 25, 2013…Five years ago on January 18, the first chapter of Shattered Dreams was posted on another site, and I thought there may be some readers here that would enjoy the story. I had absolutely no idea if anyone would like this story or if I could even put some sentences together well enough for anyone to care. In hindsight, I think I've improved on the writing, but I still have a long way to go! Today, as I wrote the last chapter, I thought…oh no, I'm mixing tenses all over the place! _

_Five years ago today, this story was first posted here. Thank you for reading! I can't tell you how very much it has meant to read your comments and get feedback about this very long, one million plus words, Meredith & Derek story._

_Shattered Dreams continues for each of you that still wants to see how I've envisioned the rest of it unfolding – I'm so very grateful for the comments on the last chapter, it is for the 9 of you, and all that continue to read that I still try to do my best - even when writing does not happen as often as I'd like, or as often as time allows me._

_Warmest regards and thank you for five years of support and inspiration... there were a few rough months there in 2010/2011 but I've never been so grateful for life... health and family, and for the opportunity to truly realize that not much else matters. Enjoy and give thanks for every moment! Jasmin_

_**Ch 199 - Our first … Christmas Morning **_

"Sleeping beauty…it's almost Christmas." Derek's smile lingered on Meredith's lips.

"I wasn't sleeping." Meredith replied after kissing him back, "and you know it."

"Uhmmm…but it's always a good time to kiss you…more kissing I say."

"Derek," she laughed. "Don't you ever get tired of quoting those corny, sappy lines?"

"Tired of them?" Derek tilted his head slightly; the infamous pose, and smiles. "I live for them; repeating… reminding you of them… thinking of ways we can take things very very slowy," he laughed.

"Well," her laugh matched his, the good hearted sound that always made her want him; love him, a little more each time. "You're going to need to hold off," she kissed him again, tempting him; her fingers playfully buried in his hair. "Just a little … unless," one more kiss, "you want to start another round of bets about us, and why we're making out in the hospital parking lot on Christmas Eve."

"Who cares," he said, and they both laughed again, enjoying a few more minutes in each other's arms before it was time for her long overnight shift to begin.

"Derek, you know I was teasing you earlier about bringing me real coffee in the morning, you can sleep in…get some rest and I'll be home by noon."

"You don't understand," he was holding the car door open for her. "There's no sleeping in on Christmas morning, ever. Your nieces and nephews will start calling as soon as they get to Mom's and see their presents."

"My nieces and nephews," her eyes sparkled, her smile warmed his heart.

"Of course," his lips were pursed and he only nodded; so proud of her, this woman he loved that didn't realize how good she really was with family. "They're yours, since they're going to be calling us at home complaining that they want to open their presents, that Ma is making them wait till they're all there, and waking me up while you peacefully sleep away…and I have to hear the whining of dozens of kids…"

"Ass," she nipped his lips, before laughing. "You sound like Cristina whining about smack heads and gang bangers in the pit."

"There's been smack heads and gang bangers in the pit?" he asked so incredulously that she burst out laughing.

"No," she said as leaned into him to kiss him once more before reporting for her shift. "But, I'm not going to be sleeping away…while you are."

"Maybe," he agreed, raising an eyebrow suggestively. "But…I'll be dreaming of you."

She rolled her eyes, "my sentimental," and giggled, "sex slave."

"Meredith," she was still seated on the passenger seat and he smiled at her before he caressed her face with the back of his hand, "I'll be your willing…and sentimental slave…for as long as you'll have me."

"A lifetime," she said as her eyes became watery, "and beyond," and she kissed him.

A kiss, between lovers fated to be together; a kiss, as others between them that spoke of lifetime bonds; bonds, that unlike the trials of the recent past, were now entwined forever. Every step they'd faltered met with the power of love; love that endures beyond lifetimes.

"Shepherd," the tiny giant taunted, as they walked through the lobby. "Grey, aren't you both getting a little old for making out in the parking lot?"

"Busybodies…" Derek retorted and smiled when Meredith opened her eyes in warning. "You'd think they'd be spending time at home …instead of stalking attendings."

"Overly moussed and cocky," Bailey quipped as she buttoned her coat. "Grey…you gotta be careful as he gets old; all that leaning is probably gonna create some problems."

"You realize," Derek turned to his friend, "I'm your boss."

"You realize," Bailey retorted, "it don't matter one bit…never did."

Miranda Bailey stared him down, but the usual result was very different as the two friends couldn't contain their laughter; Meredith looked from one to the other, somewhat confused and intrigued.

"Merry Christmas, Derek," Miranda Bailey hugged him. "You've been a good friend."

"Merry Christmas, Miranda," he smiled, "you're just an old softie…"

"Are you trying to ruin my reputation in front of my interns?"

"Whatever secrets," Meredith joined the conversation, "you two have are safe with me."

"Make sure of it Grey," Miranda said seriously, before Meredith too got a hug. "Merry Christmas, Meredith. I'm proud of you, and you won't hear me saying that too often."

"Thank you, Dr. Bailey," Meredith was touched by her mentor's words. "It means a lot…to hear you say that."

"Just don't repeat that either," Miranda smiled at her. "I'll see you in the New Year."

"New Year?" Meredith questioned.

"Yep…my son's first real Christmas. When he understands a lot more about it, and we're going to spend it with family. I learned some lessons this year too, Meredith."

The friends, who'd indeed shared some deeply emotional moments over the last months, spoke for a few more minutes before each would go their separate ways, agreeing they may see each other before the New Year as they had a Christmas gift for Tuck.

"Miranda," Derek called out to her as she started to walk away. "Thank you, again."

"What were you thanking her for?" Meredith asked as she reached for his hand, and walked the rest of the way toward the elevators.

"Stay out of on-call rooms," Miranda retorted with a chuckle, before walking out the doors. "Or at least, keep it quiet."

"Does everyone know our business?" Meredith commented.

"She knows everything," Derek chuckled. "Plus, we have very chatty children," he smiled at her, "that take after the gambling nun."

Meredith rolled her eyes at him. "Guess we do. Thank God it's not five."

"Mer," he teased, "but, they have friends that sleep over…we have a frat house."

"That is true," she laughed, and as they entered the elevator exchanged pleasantries with staff there, and later at the nurses' station before Meredith went to change into scrubs.

"Just the two of us," Derek who'd accompanied her pulled her into his arms.

"I'll see you at home, in about twelve hours," Meredith said softly, though she really was counting on him being there in the morning. But, didn't want to let him guess she had other motives about it, and needed to confirm he'd be at the hospital before she went home.

"I'm not going anywhere," he caressed her body tenderly, "before midnight."

"You're not," she whispered softly, melting into his arms; his lips already on hers.

"Uhmmm…."

"Derek…"

His response was another kiss.

"Derek…I have to start…my shift."

"You're already here…" he told her.

"But not working," she rolled her eyes at him, and a few seconds later she felt the soft vibration of his phone alarm.

"Merry Christmas, Meredith," Derek smiled and kissed her softly.

"You were waiting…" she said as her eyes watered. "For midnight…"

"I was waiting," he nodded, "for Christmas," he kissed her tenderly, "to kiss my wife, as our first Christmas Day…together…began."

"I love you," Meredith said simply, "so much," and kissed him softly. "Merry Christmas, Derek."

"I love you, Meredith," he said as he embraced her, and they whispered words worthy of that legend of Meredith and Derek, before he told her he'd see her in the morning.

The door opening went unnoticed, but not so her sister's voice and the unmistakable sounds of crying induced sniffles.

"I miss her too…so much… oh," the intruder stopped. "I'm sorry…I didn't know you were here…that anyone was here," she rambled, "and Molly called…and…" Lexie's voice broke as new tears welled.

"Lexie," Meredith asked since she hadn't been paying attention to anything but Derek, and all she saw was her sister crying. "What's wrong?"

"It's," her hand gestures were so much like Meredith's it made Derek smile. "It's… Molly…and…Mom used to…and…"

"Lexie…" Meredith was getting upset, and in true Mcdreamy fashion Derek took over.

"She's talking to Molly," Derek had his hand on Meredith's back, gently caressing. "You stay…" and when he saw the worried look, the one that said, I've got to be on the floor, he added. "I will cover whatever comes up…it's what good husbands do on Christmas," and he kissed her softly before smiling at his sister in law. "Tell Molly I say hi."

"Yes," Lexie sniffled. "That was Derek voice…and Mer's shift just started, so I'm not sure she can stay and talk," she didn't want to put her sister on the spot, but Meredith smiled softly and nodded, and took the phone and listened to her youngest sister.

"I can't believe that two of you are doing this to me again," Meredith wiped away a tear. "We're only three sisters and are probably as bad as all of Derek's and nieces combined."

"You," Lexie joined in the conversation, "aren't playing fair…Meredith…you think we're…you're thinking of us…the three of us…as sisters…"

"We are, sisters," Meredith admitted, realizing her statement held the feelings in her heart. "Susan," she spoke only her name and dabbed at a tear before it made its way down her check, a momentary glimpse of sadness. "Remember Lexie…what you said…that night…eating ice cream…she's got to be smiling...Molly, ust like Lexie says…she's watching over us."

"_Don't be sad," two souls that had recently forgiven the other communicated silently; "they were lucky to have you and it's natural that they miss you, and I'm glad Meredith has a family…Susan, thank you for loving my daughter… she's had three mothers…but only two of you have shown her the love she deserved."_

"_Ellis," the soft spoken soul responded, "think of the love she has to share now and be happy about that…and you made mistakes, we all do, but she knows you loved her, even if for a small glimpse, you told her how proud you were of her…that was enough, for someone like Meredith, that moment was enough…and she is extraordinary."_

_Ellis said softly, "all grown up… and extraordinary." _

"Lexie," Meredith felt an absolute sense of calm at that moment. "I believe," she gasped, inexplicably sensing her mother's unmistakable presence, a whiff of her, "do you think…is it possible… I mean… I really think…my Mom is watching over me too."

"_Ladies," a deeper voice commanded, "it's Christmas…our children are happy, let's celebrate that, and that they've found each other and will have familial bonds forever."_

"_Granpa, Granma… Granma Susan…I spend all day today with little angels cause of we celebrate Baby Jesus birthday. But, I come cause of I feel you was sad… but my Mommy and Daddy…they're happy…so you gots to be happy cause of they are your big kids…"_

"It's the first Christmas," Molly spoke softly, the phone's speaker now activated, "the three of us have shared time together. Mom wanted that. She's happy, I'm sure."

"Mom," Lexie closed her eyes. "We love you," she said, and felt Meredith's gentle touch.

"Susan," Meredith's tone portrayed the deep emotion of the moment as Lexie gently held her hand for those few seconds. "Thank you," she continued quietly, "for being a mom…and not letting me push you away."

The three sisters spent less than five minutes on the phone together. But, the emotions and sentimentality of the conversation provided a new layer of familial bonds that Meredith would cherish throughout her lifetime.

"Let me know," Meredith concluded before she had to leave, "if Laura she likes her gift. I'm not really good at this…but I thought… I mean…if you think she's too young…"

"Mer," Lexie said, "stop rambling," and Molly laughed while Meredith glared at their sibling. "She's going to love the dollhouse, Molly it's really adorable there's all…"

"You're not supposed to tell her what it is…that's why I spent all that time wrapping presents… so it's a surprise…and Derek said…"

"Meredith," Molly assured her, "it sounds like the perfect gift. I'll send photos, and she loves to unwrap presents, you already know that."

Meredith and Lexie remained together a few more minutes after disconnecting the call with Molly. "Mom would always want to talk to us calls us right at midnight," Lexie told Meredith, "no matter where we were…whatever the time zone, so Molly called," her dark eyes held unshed tears, "at three in the morning… to do like Mom would have done…and say Merry Christmas at Midnight."

"It was nice to talk to her," Meredith said, "to share that with you… the three of us."

"She wanted me to make sure I told you," Lexie said. "Both you and Derek, that she wasn't sure about your schedule, but she'd be calling you tomorrow."

Meredith's pager sounded and she had to rush to the emergency room.

"I wanted you to have the time with your sisters," Derek said as they stood side by side in the scrub room. "But I had to page you, when I realized the patient would need surgery immediately."

"It's a good thing you were here," Meredith told Derek. "We saved her life."

"Our first Christmas Day save," Derek smiled.

"Like Katie Bryce," Meredith smiled back.

"We're a great team," Derek smiled and kissed her softly. "This should be the best Christmas for that family."

"Will you come with me," Meredith said, "to talk to the family?"

"Nothing I'd like better," he reached for hand and they walked together to bring good news to the fourteen year old girl's family before Derek went home.

"Yeah," Cristina sighed as the group sat around during an unusually quiet half hour. "Mer always got the best surgeries. Actually, she stole that first surgery from me because she was sleeping with the hot surgeon."

"Cristina!" Meredith admonished.

"It's true," Cristina said. "You said it was great sex."

"I never said anything," Meredith contradicted.

"I asked if he was good – told you he looked like he was good," Cristina continued to tease. "I'm always right."

"Bitch," Meredith said. "You were right, though. He was definitely McDreamy."

"Oh…no," Cristina said, "we've been here, what…three hours and already Mcdreamied in elevators," she teased, "or was it an on-call room?"

"Better than that," Meredith quipped, and quoted the surgery she'd just performed.

"Bitch," Cristina concluded. "Good surgeries and over sexed," and they all laughed at the continuing banter over the first meeting and surgery of what would later become the legends and legend of Meredith and Derek.

"Cristina," Meredith whined, effectively, a few hours later. "You have to help…I want to surprise Derek, before we go home when my shift ends."

"Mer," Cristina quipped, "remember how many times I've told you to leave sarcasm to me? Same thing here… you can't compete. Derek owns Mdcreamied elevator moments."

"I'm not competing," Meredith pouted. "I just want to do something special…for him, and if you won't help me…then… fine…that's just fine."

"Fine," Cristina told her. "Your fine is never good."

"It's Christmas." Meredith emphasized, "and it's still Hanukkah, you know. You could be nice, it wouldn't kill you."

"Stop." Cristina held up her hand. "I'll help."

"You will?"

"Yes. But, I get your surgeries for the rest of your shift."

Meredith pondered the idea and without hesitation agreed. "But, you can't mess this up."

"I never mess up." Cristina responded and smiled as she walked away.

In the early pre-dawn hours Meredith was able to slip away for over an hour and try to get some sleep. Her last thought left a smile on her face as she thought of Derek's Christmas present.

"Merry Christmas," his lips on hers followed the greeting before he lay beside her, and she immediately molded her body against his.

"Can't be morning," she mumbled.

"It is," Derek responded as his hands caressed her.

"Derek," Meredith said suddenly. "It's not morning," she looked toward the windows, the small sliver of hint to the skyline. "It's still dark."

"Sun rises at seven fifty seven," his hands were still on her body, his lips inching closer to her neck.

"Weather man," she smiled at the touch of his lips on her neck, "and sex slave," and before she realized it he'd pinned her under him.

"Wanna know the temperature?" He asked huskily.

"Too hot to handle," she stated in a voice still laced with sleep.

"You think…" Derek responded with a kiss.

"Do you?" Meredith raised an eyebrow suggestively at him; her hands found the waistband of navy scrubs, effectively ending the need for words.

"Merry Christmas," Meredith kissed him, "again."

"Best Christmas morning," Derek said. "Ever."

"It was," his wife agreed. "Our first Christmas morning…together…"

"We'll need to top that next year," he kissed her, "every year."

"Derek," their hands were entwined. "Why were you wearing scrubs?"

"Got paged, another emergency."

"But, you're not on call."

"Cristina thought it was great a surgery. She paged me so she could scrub in."

"But, I was here," Meredith commented.

"I agreed to let her scrub in," Derek said. "Mer, she pouts and she told me it was a nice thing I could do for her, something about the fifth day of Hanukkah."

Meredith bit her lip to keep from laughing. Derek would get a kick out of the story, about how Cristina turned the table on her with her own words.

Pillow talk was abruptly ended by his pager. "911," he said. "Same patient, have to go."

"Good morning," Derek came up behind his wife at the nurse's station and placed a cup of coffee in front of her, "again."

"Oh no," Meredith grabbed the familiar, and much preferred Tully's green cup and turned to him. "What have you done?"

"Bringing my wife coffee…" he said, a bit confused.

"Derek," she accused, "you bring Tully's…when you're trying to bribe me."

"Meredith," his tone, a well-intended prelude to seduction. "You like my bribes."

"I do," she giggled as she leaned into him; this conversation, just as the one about who'd actually taken advantage of the other … first…that fated night at Joe's, had led to many intimate private moments between them. "But, you still messed up that disastrous date."

"But," he teased, as he whispered for her ears only. "I don't even care…if you're…"

"Don't say it," her laughter drew the attention of several staff that smiled, "ever…"

"Fine," he dismissed her threat. "But, you can borrow my razor …anytime."

"Ass," she mouthed before she hugged him.

"Come," he said as he reached for her hand. "Mark brought breakfast."

"Breakfast…" she hesitated. She needed to speak with Cristina, since he'd mess up their plan by showing up early. "I have to check on a patient…I'll meet you in a few minutes."

Months before, none could have predicted the future as ten surgeons watched the healing scene unfolding in utter silence, each it might be said, with hope and faith in their hearts that the precious child, Bailey's child, would survive. All were immersed in individual reflections. It could also be said that two of them were being simultaneously subjected to the screaming agony of despair.

Meredith walked in to the conference room and searched for her husband's gaze. Derek was immediately aware of the moment she entered, and as their eyes met, neither would ever take for granted that moment, months earlier when hearts filled with pain embarked on an unexpected journey. But now, as she'd asked then; they'd reached those one hundred steps; faith and hope guiding their way; love, their ultimate healing source.

Ten surgeons, all members of Meredith and Derek's extended Seattle family, gathered around a table filled with every imaginable breakfast pastry. Good natured bantering and laughter greeting this Christmas morning.

"Grey," Mark Sloan drawled, "Shep would only go with me to get this if I agreed to get everything at Tully's," he winked at her.

"Sloan," Cristina added, "only agreed because Derek convinced him somehow…that Tully's coffee has something to do with Mr. Incredible's…stamina."

Derek choked on his coffee. Mark roared with laughter.

"Dude," Alex filled a plate. "It's got to be a hell a lot more than coffee."

"Shut up," Izzie elbowed him. "Alex, I'll kill you if we have to move out."

"Don't worry Iz," George teased her. "They have vacancies in my building."

Izzie's and Lexie's horrified expression made Callie smirk. "What's the big deal? When the roaches go by, you just..." she gestured by smashing her hand on the table, "use a napkin though."

"Torres…Dude…that's disgusting, even for me." Alex commented.

"Here you are, Richard," Adele's unmistakable voice announced her entrance. "Merry Christmas everyone. My husband promised we'd be able to make the Christmas morning service with my family."

"Adele, sweetheart," Richard smiled. "We'll be on our way in a few minutes."

"Mark Sloan," Adele smiled at him. "You're as incorrigible as ever," she kissed his cheek, "but, this was very nice of you. The nurses are talking about it, and how much they appreciated your thoughtfulness."

"He's grown up a bit," Derek taunted.

"Derek Shepherd," Adele kissed his cheek as well, longtime friends familiar with each other. "You're as bad as he is. Meredith, I could tell you some stories when these two were Richard's…"

"Adele," Richard interrupted. "Honey…I think they've improved just a little since then."

"Adele," Mark said. "You promised you wouldn't tell on me," and they both laughed.

"Meredith," Adele drew her aside. "I want you to know he's never looked at anyone the way he looks at you."

"Mrs. Webber," Meredith smiled. "You're very kind."

"I'm not blind," Adele smiled at her, "and I told Richard it was a mistake to bring Addison here. I'm glad you're happy… you deserve to be."

"I'm glad you're happy too." Meredith said. Ellis' affair always between them.

"You were only a child, such a pretty little girl," Adele acknowledges she understood her thoughts. "It warms my heart," she said genuinely, "to see the woman you've become."

"Thank you," Meredith was deeply touched by her words.

"Don't you let him ever take you for granted," Adele advised. "Though," she said with a twinkle in her eyes, "I don't think he ever will."

"Mer," true to Adele's observation, Derek joined them. "We got some of the pumpkin pecan bread you like."

"You did," Meredith smiled. "I love that."

"Even," Derek shook his head, "if it's has no nutritional value…but I brought fruit."

"I guess," Adele crooned, "all that talk of a certain Mcdreamy are true."

"Adele, it's great to see you," he said and hugged his old friend, and Richard joined them after Cristina approached him and they exchanged a few words.

"I promised my wife," Richard said, "I would not linger here today, but we've all shared a lot this year, and I wanted to be here to wish you a Merry Christmas and tell you how proud I am of the way you're there for each other. Bailey, she's not here to kill me for saying this, but she worries about your little group like a mother hen. You've become a family, that's what I get to see, and I'm glad of all the times I've been allowed to be part of it. Even when I'm the oldest," he quipped.

"Grey," Mark said. "Fess up, what's the big deal with Tully's? I think it's because the website talks about brain surgeons," and those in the room roared with laughter. "Though Yang and Lexie told me…"

"Meredith," Lexie turned to her sister, and then looked at Mark. "I haven't said a word."

Adele looked at Richard, and said knowingly. "Like Derek, found love in Seattle."

"He's too old," Richard looked from Mark to Lexie, "and he's a ladies man."

"He's a manwhore," Adele laughed softly at her husband's language.

"Adele," Richard responded.

"Richard," his wife said, "we've known that for years."

"We're going to get going," Richard said, and looked at Cristina. "But, before we do, I want to let you know that I approved a schedule change for today."

Derek smiled as he met Cristina's gaze and nodded.

"Meredith," Richard said, "your fellow interns have asked me if they would be allowed to extend their shift by an hour, and have you go home early."

"But," Meredith looked around, "I'm here till noon…and the others leave earlier…"

"I've authorized an additional hour for each of them, and your sister and Yang will stay till noon. Mark has also volunteered to stay till that time. It's a Christmas present from them to you and Shepherd. Something," he smiled, "about the importance of your first Christmas together."

Meredith turned to Derek, stunned, "you knew? You asked?"

"I didn't," he said. "Not till a little while ago."

"I'm not sure…how…when," Meredith said, "you decided this…but…thank you…"

"Doctor Torres," a nurse interrupted, "your patient's having some difficulty," and Callie followed her immediately.

"Karev, Stevens," Callie said to them from the door, "keep trying to reach the family."

"Mark," Meredith approached him. "This was really nice."

"He needs all the help he can get with the nurses," Cristina said. "Now that Hahn's gone and Tracy's practically engaged."

"Cristina," Derek said. "Stop teasing your brother," and the Seattle family, the one whose lives would be entwined beyond their generation, laughed at the ongoing sibling reference.

"It's Christmas," Mark said. "Everyone that has kids wanted to be with family, and a lot of people volunteered to be here, so it's the least I can do. I know," he said, and Meredith noticed how Lexie placed her hand over his, "what it's like when you have no family."

"You have us," Meredith said. "Don't ever forget it," and she leaned up to kiss his cheek.

"Take advantage," Mark hugged Meredith, "of the time off…and go."

Meredith looked at Cristina, opened her eyes wide. "I need to finish some charts first."

"Mer," Cristina said, "Sloan's right. Just go."

"But," Meredith insisted, assuming Cristina had forgotten about her plans.

"Trust me," Cristina said. "Go home, and let Mcdreamy seduce you in the elevator," and with that comment Meredith understood that somehow her plan was in action, albeit, several hours earlier than expected.

"Ok," Meredith agreed. "Let's go," she reached for Derek's hand and he joined her as she changed into the clothes she'd worn earlier in the evening.

"Let's take the stairs," Derek said as they approached the elevator and saw an out of order sign on one of the two elevators.

"I'm too tired," Meredith smiled at him, "let's just wait," and when the adjacent elevator doors opened, she was confused by the number of people in it, including Lexie and George.

"It's going up," George said with a silly grin.

Then the other elevator opened and Cristina and Lexie got off. "I thought you were going home?" Lexie asked the couple.

"I thought the elevator was out of order?" Derek said.

"What gave you that idea?" Cristina asked.

"The sign on it," Derek smirked; something was going on.

"I have no idea what you mean," Cristina said.

"Neither do I," Lexie said. "It was probably there and someone forgot to remove it."

Meredith smiled at them, and pulled on Derek's hand. "Let's go."

"You're going to get on an elevator that's out of order?"

"Clearly," she told him, "it's not. They just used it," she told him, and teased him, "and you like elevators…" and reached for his hand, and as soon as the doors closed, pulled the stop button, "how bad can it be… if we're stuck in one?"

"Clearly," Derek smiled at her, "we've…or should I say…I've been…"

"You've been what…" Meredith said, her eyes sparkling as their gazes met.

_A/N 1/25/13 - __I hope the scenes in this chapter properly highlights that they have indeed (in about 9 months in the story) walked those 100 steps towards dreams fulfilled. I also wanted to reference the original scene that gave me idea for this story, and how they've changed, or not, and those I like, or not._

_Meredith is not pregnant (now), that is not her surprise. I wanted to say this, in case any of you thought that, so you won't be expecting it in the chapter that follows._

_As you may know, Patrick Dempsey recently made an offer and acquired Tully's, a Seattle based coffee chain. Derek's character did indeed bring Meredith coffee from Tully's in episode 3x3, and I thought it would be timely to incorporate. Their website does say this – " Some professionals need to approach their jobs slowly and with a great deal of care. Like tightrope walker. Or brain surgeon. Or tattoo artist."_


End file.
